#i mean she can totally be both go girl but there seemed kinda mixed messaging

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

this just in: uplifting people just by virtue of their assigned gender at birth in the name of feminism found to be transphobic so now we're just gonna shit on those who CHOOSE to be male presenting bc it's a CHOICE right so we can tell them they're inherently inferior right guys??!!

bioessentialism found to be transphobic so we're jumping straight into gender essentialism which is totally cool as long as it's pretending to be feminism!!!!

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

[love-kazin]

Mixed Feelings

Genre: friends-to-lovers, smut.

Pairing: Jang Wooyoung x Reader (female) x Lee Junho.

Warnings: a little bit angst in the beggining but it’ll pass soon, a lot of dirty talk.

Word count: 3.778.

REQUESTED.

You came to a conclusion about your feelings and also how to avoid it. It wasn’t your best idea, and gladly they changed your mind. 

-x-

"Taec just told me you're talking normally with him, so why aren't you answering any of my texts or calls?" and "Did I do something wrong? Or is it something I said? It's been almost a month since I heard about you from yourself..." were the first messages you saw after grabbing your phone to turn off the alarm at that cold morning. It was actually ironic how the weather seemed to match perfectly your feelings. Those messages weren't helping, not even a little bit. And Taecyeon was the one who could ease your pain, being the only person whom you shared your little secret. Which was why you had a meeting with him to get some lunch that day.

"So, how's your heart?" "Unfortunately, the same. I don't know what to do. But seeing you brights my feelings a little bit." "I'm touched. But seriously, you should just tell them. I mean, it's not like they're gonna turn their backs from you." "How could you know?" "I've been friends with them for more than a decade, so I guess I'm safe to say this. Plus, you're friends with us for at least the five last years, so we could never judge you or step out of your life. Specially both of them." "What do you mean, 'specially them'?" You stopped your fork that was tossing aside the piece of meat on your plate. The possibility of talking with Wooyoung and Junho that you liked them both and they tossing you to the side just like you were doing with that juicy meat caused you some nausea.  "If I may add this, to burst you some courage, I know Wooyoung has a little crush on you." "What?" "Seems like you have some positive effect on his life, which makes him ramble about you every time after you meet. About Junho, I can't affirm anything, but he also seems very fond of you." "That's crazy. I couldn't be lucky enough to have these two men liking me just how I like them." "You may find out, but you have to talk to them. They keep coming after me to discover things about your daily life since you cut them off. You don't want them to do this with you, so I don't think what you're doing is fair." "You're right." "You bet I am. Now, while you think about it, eat a little. The meat is perfectly tender." Nodding, you started to eat a bit as your mind went to a crazy place where those two guys liked you back. This couldn't happen. It'd be a total mess. But what was the difference between how you were all dealing with each other now? In the worst case scenario, they wouldn't like you and you'd probably step out of their lives a little, to soothe your heart. It was better to rip off the bandage once for all. "I'm sorry for the absence. I'm dealing with some stuff. Can you come over friday night? I wanna talk to you in person." As soon as you sended the text for Junho and Wooyoung, your phone was ringing like crazy. You just turned it off and shrugged when Taec looked at you arching his eyebrows. "I invited them over at friday. I hope we can talk through this." "I know you will, but I still wish you a good luck." Smiling, you finish your lunch just in time to go back to work. Taecyeon drove you off since it was on his way and you thanked him once again for all he has done and he just chuckled. "C'mon, how couldn't I help my favorite people?" He was truly the best friend in the whole world, and left after motioning for you to answer the - probably - 5th call after the invitation you made for those men. Sighing, you pick up the black phone almost lost inside that filled purse. It was Junho. "Why are you ghosting me? If you have something to deal, I can help you with it, and you know that! Do you know how worried I got? I was in another country and couldn't come to you, but it was the first thing I tried to do when I came back, but you weren't anywhere to be found. Then, Taec told me you didn't wanted to see me. Taecyeon, not you! You couldn't even tell me this? Seriously, after all these years?"  He was angry. His voice was kinda aggressive, just how you knew it would be. And you also thought that you deserved that treatment. Junho was right in every word he pronounced, but your heart still felt hurt. It made your heart ache because behind those words, you knew he was suffering too. It was the first time ever you have cut him off of your life in all those years. You got so caught up in your feelings that didn't even noticed when you started crying, and the tone in Junho's voice changed immediately.  "Wait, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm just really preoccupied with you, I didn't mean to sound so rude. You know how I am. Please, stop crying. I can't deal with this if I'm not close enough to hold you." "Junho..."  He sighed.  "I'm not waiting until friday. I'm coming over tonight. We need to talk." "But... That's not only our business." "I know you cut Wooyoung off too. What did we do?" "It's not that, you didn't do anything wrong." "I'll bring him with me so we can all deal with this as soon as possible. Is that okay?" "Yes..." "Ok. I need to go now. But please, the only thing I ask from you is to not cut me off again. Not like this. If I do something, talk to me. Or even if I don't, but you feel something that put you some doubts, just talk to me." "Ok. I will. I'm so sorry. Seriously. I don't even know how I can start to apologize because of this." "You can tell me tonight why this even happened in the first place. Alright?" "Yeah... I'll wait for you." As soon as the call finished, you hurried to the bathroom to fix your make up before going back to the office, but didn't result as great since you looked paled and bothered, even with all that concealer in your face. "Hey, who's that guy from before? Are you dating?" Looking at your colleague with a expression that screamed 'what?', she saw your red eyes and how you were still sniffing. "Oh, did you guys break up? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch in a sensible topic." "Oh, no, is not that. We weren't dating. We're just friends, really." "So why are you crying? I know you're not feeling so good lately, so I'm a little concerned. I never saw you look like this." "You don't need to bother, I'm just dealing with some stuff." "Wanna talk?" "It's a little weird topic, so it's better if I don't talk about it." "Well, if you feel like it, I'm here, ok?" "Thank you." You were so anxious about finally confessing and not knowing the reaction you'd get that the day passed quickly enough to make you even more nervous. Soon the clock was hitting the 5PM and you were heading home.  "I wish you good luck with your stuff!" The girl from before said when the elevator opened to the parking lot in the building. Thanking her once again, you got on the car and on the whole way, your mind was working on what to say to Wooyoung and Junho. What would be their reactions? And what was that about they having feelings for you? Nothing was making sense. And these questions stayed on your mind until the door bell ring loudly on the apartment just after you finished showering, but those guys behind the door didn't gave you any time to dress before. "Jeez, I was on the shower!" "Oh, sorry..." They looked like they never saw a woman in a towel before, turning their heads to the side. "Come in, I'm gonna put on some clothes." Wooyoung and Junho were sitting on the couch, looking apprehensive when you came back dressed comfy and serving some beers.  "So, are we gonna talk?" "Oh, straight to the point." "You didn't answered me in almost this whole month, come on. What's happening?"

Wooyoung looked really desperate, which only made you feel worse.  "I'm sorry I put you guys through this, but the thing is I've been dealing with something that I don't want to, and I don't know how to break the news for you." "Are you dating? That's why you don't wanna talk to us anymore? Did the guy told you to back off from us? Because if he did it, I need to talk to him." "He can't tell you what to do! Who the hell does he think he is?" "Wait, no. I'm not dating anyone." "Oh. But do you want to? Because I know a guy." Junho only looked in disbelief at Wooyoung. "Well, If I can say this, yes. But that's not up to me anymore. Not at this point." "What point?" "Ok, let's do this. The reason why I've been distant is because... I mistook what I feel. I thought it was only a deep friendship, but it's not." "What do you mean? Do you like someone?" "I do, yes." That answer hit them hard. Wooyoung felt like his heart was being crushed, while Junho started to think that what he felt could never work well.  "And that's why you stopped talking to us? That doesn't make any sense." "Well, it does for me, since I don't know how to deal with this. I mean, how could I tell to two of my closest friends that I like them?" Junho choked on his drink, being the first one to understand the situation. Wooyoung looked lost. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about that I like you both. I really do. And I tried to not to, but that doesn't seem to work. I thought the best I could do was staying away, since you both couldn't like me as well. And everything would be a total mess if other people found out. But Taec told me that if I don't want you both cutting me off of your life, then I shouldn't be doing this to the both of you. So here I am, confessing the reason behind the mess I made." "Are you serious?" Nodding, you finished you beer while they tried to process what you just said.  "But what do you mean by us couldn't be liking you as well?" "Ahn, I... There's no way you'd be liking me. Like, not the both of you. Not at the same time. That would be crazy." "Well, but that could happen." "How?" They looked at each other before finally breaking if off for you. "I know I'm kinda slow for a few things, but I couldn't not notice how Junho look at you, because it's the same way I look at you." "How do you guys look at me?" "Like you're the missing piece of the puzzle that's our lives." "Wait, what?" The burn in your cheeks could be felt, so you were probably looking like a tomato that moment. "We both like you. I don't know what kind of spell you put on us, but it worked well. This almost feels like magic, because it's too crazy. Even more knowing it's mutual." "Yeah. And we talked, you know. We've been friends for such a long time, so we should know how to work this out. But I wasn't prepared to you returning these feelings." "We also tried to talk to you, but since you ghosted us, it was hard. It's not something I wanted to say on the phone. Now I'm kinda lost." "We didn't think that you'd like us both, and to not break anyone's heart, we should just talk about it and move on. But how do we do this now?" "One thing is the both of us having feelings for you without any real chance of being mutual. Another thing totally different is you actually having feelings for us. At the same time. It'd be unfair to choose just one." "So are you saying we should all just forget about it and move on?" "I'm actually thinking how we all could make this work. Not breaking hearts, just healing them." "What do you have in mind?" "Well, you know, it's a new century, people are more open minded to try new stuff. Couldn't we try some arrangement?" "Like, sharing me?" "When you put it like that, sounds kinda weird. Why would we share you if we could have you entirely at the same time?" Then it hit you. The three of you, together, at the same time and in every way.  "But how could we know if this works well for us?" "Trying. Come here." Junho got up from the couch and offered you his hand to take you out of the floor. Then he held you in his toned arms, like you were so precious that could break at anytime but loose enough to not do it. His eyes focused on your lips while Wooyoung's breath hit your neck. The both of them were so close that made you intoxicated but as soon as their lips found your mouth and neck, you forgot everything but them. The feeling of being kissed by the two guys you liked the most at the same time was crazy, something you couldn't describe, but it made your body burn wanting more. More of that, more of them.  "I guess this is gonna be very good for us." "Then let me kiss you to verify this." Chuckling, you turned your back to Junho, feeling his hands attaching at your waist immediately, while his mouth traveled through your shoulders and neck. You didn't had time to think about how good that felt, because Wooyoung made your senses get lost in his sweet kiss. You felt dizzy with those two men changing all your perspective of intimacy. They only kissed you but you felt more connected to them than to anyone in your life. So the urge to feel more like that started to be build up inside of you. "We'll only go further if you agree with it." "Now that I'm finally able to be with you both, I'm afraid if I let this chance pass, it won't happen again." "I think I can speak for the both of us that if you want us, then we'll be with you." "I do. I really do." "So it's sealed, honey." "We're your men." Hearing that made your knees weak, but luckily they were holding you tight.  "Then make me your woman." Junho took that as a challenge to turn that night into the best one you have ever lived, and Wooyoung didn't thought twice before kissing you again. Your hands went to Wooyoung's chest, feeling him breathing heavier as the kiss got more heated, and just when you broke the kiss to regain some air, Junho sinked his teeth on your skin, making you feel like you would combust at anytime and moaning at the sensation.  "Should we take this to the bedroom?" "Please." Wooyoung was the first one to sit on the bed, calling you with his lips already plump, and you went like he had you laced around his finger. You made his lap your seat, kissing and biting his neck, while he slowly opened the buttons of his shirt, making easy for you to just slide the fabric to the sides while your lips tasted his smooth skin, until Junho's hand got entangled in your hair to make you look at him. His already naked chest was almost calling your lips, and you couldn't help but moan when he pressed his mouth roughly on yours while Wooyoung made you grind on his hardening cock. In no time your shirt was flying across the room, and at the same speed, Wooyoung's mouth was attached to one of your boobs.  "You look so pretty like this." You could only show Junho a little smirk because he didn't gave you enough time to even think about an answer - his fingers traveling around your body. Kissing Junho was kinda hard because the only thing your mouth wanted to do was moan how good that felt, but it became worse when you felt his hand slipping through your shorts and circling your pulsing clit, making you roll your hips to get a better friction. Wooyoung cut the teasing to get rid of the clothes on his way and Junho got the chance to lay down and call you to take off his jeans. His dick was hard against the black fabric of the boxer, and your desire to taste him only got bigger. You started to kiss his body but didn't got to tease too much - his hand on your hair directing your lips for a better use. Taking off his underwear, you left little kisses on his cock, licking and circling the tip with your tongue to adjust better in your watering mouth. His shaky moans were getting you even more wet, which Wooyoung seemed to  enjoy a lot. You could feel Wooyoung's boner poking your ass, since you were on all fours, and rolling your hips on it was one of the best decisions because he sounded so pretty getting lost on you. He couldn't wait much longer so his fingers went to your pussy to prepare you for him. "You're so wet. Is it all for us?" You could only moan in response, since your mouth was pretty busy working on Junho. "Then let's have some fun, honey." His fingers spread the wetness on your folds, not taking too long before inserting one inside you, but it wasn't enough and you wanted more. His fingers were long and touched you just right. Plus, with the way Junho was grunting under you, it wouldn't take long for your legs started to tremble. Your body was aching for more of them, and you needed to let them know. "Please, just fuck me already." "Hm, should I? What do you think, Junho?" "She's doing good, so maybe you should give it to her. Are you gonna be a good girl and spread your legs for Wooyoung, sweetheart?" "Yes, let me be good for you, Wooyoung." Your legs opened up a little more, giving him all access to your dripping pussy, but he suddenly got up from the bed and you looked at him with a puzzled expression, until you saw a package of condom on his hand. "Hurry up and take me, Wooyoung." "You're so needy for me, aren't you?" You could only moan as you were feeling his covered dick slip inside of you, making you squirm and grab Junho's thighs to regain some composure. "Looking at you, taking him so good. Are you gonna be a good girl for me too?" You almost felt embarassed because Wooyoung was going in such a good rhythm that you kinda forgot Junho also needed a release. "I want to feel you coming undone on my mouth." He left some curses under his breath while your mouth went down on his shaft, taking almost all of him at once. You felt the tip of his cock on your throath and gagged a little, taking him out of your mouth with a plop sound to regain some breath and dive in to pleasure him once again. "Take it easy, baby. Don't need to be so eager, I'm gonna be here the whole night for you." The sweet sound of his voice full of malice almost made you smile, if you weren't trying to work him up very nicely. Your right hand went to cup his balls, making him moan your name and you could swear it was the prettiest sound you have ever heard. Along with Wooyoung picking up his pace, you felt like you were in heaven. "You keep clenching on me, it feels so good." "Look at you, baby, being a good girl for us. Hm, take it all, honey. You look so pretty getting fucked." Junho's dirty talk was making you tremble. You felt your knees get weak at every filthy word that escaped through his lips, and the smirk on his face was only helping to make you reach higher and higher. "You like that dirty talk, don't you, love? Are you gonna cum on my dick? Do you want it?" You felt Wooyoung's tender voice reaching your ears while his hand went to work on your clit, making the pleasure almost unberable and you moan against Junho's twitching cock. Everything felt so good, none of you would last long at that time. Applying some pressure, you sucked Junho a little harder, making him squirm under you. "I'm so close, baby. Don't stop. Let me fill up your pretty mouth." He rolled his hips almost making you gag again, but you got a little used to it, so it only helped to reach more of him, making him gasp and call you name repeatedly as he came hard. You swallowed everything before letting go of him, focusing on Wooyoung and your pleasure at once. His hips snapped so right against yours and his fingers worked like magic on your clit, you were almost seeing stars. "Wooyoung, I'm gonna cum." "That's it, love, cum around me." You could feel his thrusts getting sloppier, your legs trembling and your walls squeezing Wooyoung's dick inside of you, while he estimulated your clit and Junho looked at you with shiny eyes, and it was too much to handle. You came undone around his shaft, moaning loud and getting breathless. Wooyoung didn't last much longer since you were holding him so nicely inside of you. You didn't want him to let go, but he made up for it pampering you with kisses while Junho looked for a towel to clean all of you. You never felt so loved before. "Do you feel good?" "Absolutely. Do you guys too?" Junho hummed positively, laying down and putting you on his embrace, and Wooyoung hugged you from behind. "Never felt better. I'm glad you accepted us." "I'm the happiest for being yours." "Ten more minutes and we're gonna make you even happier, baby." Oh, this is going to be a very good relationship. 

[fawad-khan]

Together Always

A/N: hey guys, this is a part of @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh 's 1k writing challenge, congratulations again, queen K! I hope you enjoy. I’m so sorry for the delay hvfuuvcurv, i hope you enjoy! This is my longest yet, if this flops, i will be angy :)

Masterlist

Pairing- Harry Holland x reader

Warning- some angst maybe? mentions of hospital, nothing too gory, maybe swearing here and there

Word Count- 3.5k+ (woohoo!)

Prompt- “Marriage? Pass”

Prompt will be in bold

Summary- you finally realize why people choose to go ahead and take a long term committment with each other.

(At age 10)

You were sitting on a park bench alone, crying by yourself. No one was around, for you were sitting in a quiet and empty part of the park. Your head was bent to your knees, which you had brought closer to your chest. You were so engrossed in your own sorrow that you did not notice two identical faces catching your sight and walking towards you, wondering what was wrong.

"Hey, what happened? Are you alright?" You heard a voice in front of you and looked up, seeing two twin boys standing in front of you. One of them had curly hair, while the other had straighter hair.

"Well no, I'm not in a really good mood right now." You replied meekly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The curly haired boy asked. You let out a sniffle and wiped your wet eyes. They sat down beside you, the curly haired boy sitting on your left and patting your hand for comfort, and the straight haired boy sitting by your right.

"Well, uh it's just that my mommy an-and my daddy they do-don't want to live with each o-other anymore and are getting a d-divorce."

"Oh, uh that's really sad to hear. Do you know exactly why this happened though? Like do they fight or anything?"

"Harry, don't ask her all that! She will tell us if she wants to."

"It's ok, uh they kind of fight a lot everyday and I overhear them saying they cannot live like this and all, I guess." You said, smiling sadly. "Now I have to decide who I want to live with. It's gonna be a bit hard for me." You sniffled again, making the boy named Harry (you guessed when the other boy called him) rub your arm in comfort.

"Well if you ever have any difficulties, we don't live very far from here. You can always come and maybe live with us, if our mum agrees with it."

"No no, I don't wanna burden you like that, but uh sounds nice!"

"Oh and I'm Harry, he's my twin Sam." He said, pointing to the straight haired boy.

"I'm (y/n)." You said, shaking their hands. Little did your 10 year old self know at the time that their friendship would make a tremendous difference in your life.

----

(6 years have passed)

It has been 6 years. You decided to finally move in with your dad, partly because he was kind of a better parent to you and partly because his house was near the Hollands, which made it easier for you to see the twins more often.

Ever since that day, you had become great friends with Harry and Sam. Of course, through them, you also met Tom and Paddy and their parents, and they were the sweetest people you ever met. They helped you go through your parents divorce, as it is always very difficult for a small child to go through such things alone. They were like a second family to you. Tom kind of became like a protective older, while Paddy was like a little brother.

Harry and Sam were your best friends, of course. They never failed to always keep you happy and amused, especially when they did a lot of silly things on purpose.

Harry never failed to pull you out of your blues. No matter what it was, he always managed to get a smile out of you every single day. He made you feel warm and fuzzy every time it was just the two of you together. You often accompanied him whenever he would do some casual photoshoots, as you were a great help to him, giving valuable tips, helping him choose a perfect scene, etc.

Of course, as you grew older, puberty was obviously very much favourable to all of you. Harry was no longer the cute little boy with a baby voice, you were no longer the small girl with a doll face. Harry grew more tall, his muscular features become more and more prominent. His voice had become deeper, which you found pleasant to hear all day long. Not to mention, he was more attractive as well, so naturally he often attracted the attention of girls in school which often made you jealous.

Sam of course grew up to be a very charming and handsome lad as well, quite like his twin. His cooking skills had improved a lot too. But, the bond between the two of you was more platonic. You felt a deeper connection with Harry, something more than friendship. You were still wary of a long term committed relationship, given that you had gone through your parents divorce, but that did not stop you from daydreaming about what it would be like if you and Harry were together.

----

(Age 17)

It was your senior prom and your date had turned out to be a bitch, deciding to never show up at your house to pick you up. He had messaged you about having caught the flu, and right when you were about to just give up and stay in at home instead, Sam insisted that you come to prom anyway. What you did not know was Harry had not managed to get a date, so he just decided to show up solo. He had been hoping to ask you, but seeing that you got a date already, he decided to just go by himself.

So when he saw you alone and dateless, looking absolutely impeccable and breathtaking in your body hugging purple dress that ended above your knees and hair opened save for a small braid in the side, he decided to take this chance and go for it.

You had seen him too, looking so handsome in his tuxedo. How you were mentally wishing that you both would be together instead. The way his curls flopped despite his best efforts to keep them tidy only made him seem hotter in your eyes.

"What happened? Todd ain't here?" He asked, referring to your date.

"Na, he's had a bout of flu, at least that's what he says."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I dunno, I guess I just kinda had this coming you know, maybe I'm not meant to have a nice date to a dance and have fun. Ah, just my luck."

"Come on, any guy would be lucky to be with you."

"Yeah right." At that moment, his eyes fell on a couple who had entered the ballroom, and when he realised who it was, his blood boiled and his fingers were clenched as he tried to control the urge to just go and punch him.

You could feel him tense up beside you, and looking at his face, you could sense something wasn't right. His face held an agitated expression.

"What's the matter, Harry?" You asked, concerned.

"I hate to tell you this, but uh looks like Todd is in perfect health." He mumbled.

"Wait whatever do you mean?"

"See for yourself." He pointed you in the direction where he was looking, and to your immense surprise, there was Todd all suited up, getting quite cozy with some random chick who was in a dress slightly shorter than the prescribed dress code. You could feel your blood boiling. The audacity of the motherfucker to lie like this and then just show up like that, you couldn't control the rage building in you.

Before Harry could stop you, you stormed your way towards the couple, who were now making out in a corner and ripped them apart. The chick had barely uttered a word when you gave him one tight slap.

"Fucking bastard, so this is your flu? How did I even agree to you, you son of a bitch?!" You shouted out so loud that now the whole hall of students was staring at this scene. Harry finally came behind you and held your shoulders in an attempt to calm you down.

"Hey hey hey, just leave that fucker alone, okay" he whispered in your ear and dragged you away from them towards the drinks table. He handed you a cold drink and you gulped half the drink in one sip, which helped you to calm down.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, holding your hand for comforting you.

"Yeah, I'm fine just, I should've expected this would happen, I guess. I don't think boyfriend and all is meant for me." You said, feeling a small lump in your throat as you felt tears in your eyes.

"Hey hey hey, now don't say all that." He lifted your chin up and looked into your eyes. "Don't cry over that wanker. You wanna dance with me?" He held out his hand, waiting for your answer. You wiped your tears and smiled at him, taking his hand, which he took as yes.

He took you to the dance floor and held you by the waist, pulling you closer towards him. Some slow music was playing. You held his shoulders and rested your head on his chest, swaying slowly to the music. The space between the two of you was not that prominent now, and you could hear your heart beat very loud and felt that Harry could probably hear it too.

He was feeling sorry. Sorry that you were made upset by a total jerk, but at the same time glad because that was the reason he was here, holding you close, dancing with the prettiest girl he knew, the girl he had liked over the years. He could smell sweet shampoo from your hair, mixed with some perfume you had applied, lulling him into a trance of you.

The beat of the music changed as the DJ changed into another song with faster rhythm, making you pull away from each other as you matched to the rhythm. He accompanied too, although he wasn’t too great of a dancer, but he still looked cute trying to match your moves, making you giggle at him. You danced to a few more songs, before you felt a little hungry and thirsty, signalling Harry who was feeling the same. You went to the snack counter and got some snacks for both of you, while he got the drinks. You quickly chugged the drink and snacks at once, making him laugh, you following suit.

“Thanks for this Harry, I’m really enjoying prom.”

“You’re welcome, love.” you froze a little at that nickname. Love, huh. You’d love to get used to that nickname. You just smiled in response.

The rest of the prom just went in a blur. All that you really remembered and cared about was when you sneaked out of the party and took a walk in the park. You both were just walking side by side, hands brushing every now and then. Harry suddenly stopped and let out a deep breath.

“Hey, (y/n)?”

“Yeah Harry?”

He cupped your cheeks and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on your lips, catching you off guard. Slowly you melted into the kiss, moving your lips against his soft ones. He pulled away from you, eyes closed and pressed his forehead against yours, hands still cupping your cheeks.

"Would this be a good time to say that I like you? Like maybe we could be something more?" His eyes slowly opened, looking into your (y/e/c) eyes, both of you knew the answer.

"Yes Harry, I'd love that." You said smiling, making him grin from ear to ear. He leaned in again to kiss you harder, one hand still on your cheek while the other pulled you closer by the waist to practically press into his chest. Your hands went around his neck as you kissed him harder as well, with more passion, as if letting out all of the tension into it. Needless to say, this was your happiest memory of your lives.

----

(Age 23)

You never thought that you'd be in a relationship this long, but here you were, six years later. Harry was now a professional photographer and often had lots of photoshoots lined up for him. You had decided to take up journalism, as you were fond of writing a lot and often wrote plenty of articles in your school days.

You both now lived together in an apartment of your own, not very far from the Hollands'. You were both busy in your professional lives, but always found time for each other as well. You’d maybe go out on dates to a restaurant or to the movies, or have a night in having a movie night or just do something goofy or have some fun ;)

He has always made you feel complete. Neither of you really felt the pressure to go to the next step, which was marriage, or well so you thought. Harry would lie if he said that it didn’t occur to him. However, he knew that you weren’t ready just yet. He did not mind much, so as long as he could be with you all his life.

You were sitting and having tea with one of your colleagues Sally, who was also a good friend of yours. You were just sitting and discussing stuff about some work and boyfriends, bitching away about some stupid colleagues in your office.

“Oh also, I have something to say.” she said in a very excited voice.

“Oooh what is it?” you asked, curious as to what she was going to say. She simply squeeled a little and  thrust her left hand in front of your eyes and you saw a beautiful silver princess cut diamond cut ring on her ring finger. You covered your mouth, a big smile on your face. You gave her a big hug. You were so happy for her.

“Oh my god, Ricky proposed? I cannot believe this! When did this happen?”

“It happened this morning! He did it when I woke up! Isn’t he so amazing?”

“Of course Sal, I’m so happy for you!”

You could not, however, feel a panging in your heart. It felt a little like a longing pain, as if you would love for something like this to happen. You had no intentions to settle for a long term commitment like a marriage, but maybe, just maybe, there was a teeny tiny part in you that perhaps wanted that with Harry.

“So what about you and Harry? Are you guys planning to marry any time soon?” she asked cheekily. You gave a clamped smile.

“Marriage? Pass.” you said, trying to sound nonchalant, even though your voice quivered a bit.

“Are you sure though hun? I mean, you and Harry have been going strong for years now. Don’t you even think about it sometimes?” 

You gulped. She was kind of right.

“I don’t know, maybe? Ok, yes maybe I’ve thought of this a few times.” you paused to take a sip of your coffee and continued, “well actually speaking, I have some issues to be in a long term commitment. So far, I am kinda surprised that I’ve been in a relationship this long, although Harry is really amazing. It’s just that, I don’t want that if we marry then something happens, creating a wedge between us, and then we have to split up. Like, in the case of my parents as well, who couldn’t wait to leave each other. I guess, I’m just scared of that happening, that’s all.”

“Oh I see. Hey, its normal to feel scared of what may happen in the future. I would be lying too if I said that I’m scared too. But sometimes, we just have to go for it, you know? Life is a roller coaster, yes, but if you find the right person to spend it with, then you’ll be ready to face them.” she held your hand to give you assurance. You let out a breath and nodded in agreement.

“Thank you so much, Sal. Also congratulations again! I’m so happy for you!” you hugged her again and headed towards your bike to go back to your apartment, Sally’s words never leaving your mind.

----

(many weeks later)

You were sitting in your office cubicle, editing an article on your computer. Suddenly you saw Sam’s name flashing on your phone as it buzzed since you had put it on silent. Sensing that something was up, since he never called you while you were at work unless it was an emergency, you picked up the phone, a “hello?” leaving your mouth. If you were not mistaken, you could hear him crying.

“Sam? What happened? Is everything okay?” you asked, getting worried.

“Oh (y/n), come to the hospital quickly. Harry’s been admit-ted.” he stuttered, followed by more cries. Your hand flew to your mouth, you went into a shock. Harry? In the hospital? Was he ok? With so many questions buzzing in your mind, you managed to mutter a quick yes and got up from your desk, gathering your bag and telling your boss briefly that you needed to go to the hospital urgently, to which he agreed. You quickly climbed on your bike and drove to the hospital, which was thankfully not very far off.

You went to the receptionist, where Sam was standing, waiting for you. Seeing you walk towards him, he just gave you a hug, tears dropping from his eyes. You hugged back, trying your best to soothe your best friend by patting on his back.

“It’s ok Sam. Where is he?” your voice was suddenly high as you choked back your tears. He just led you to a hospital room, where Tom was sitting beside the hospital bed, face tear stained. He gave you a small and faint smile when he saw you. Your eyes finally fell on Harry, who was lying on the bed, his eyes closed. The heart monitor was bleeping, he had an oxygen mask on his face. Many wires were attached to his left hand, for medicine and blood supplies. He had some bandages on his left arm and his left leg as well.

“Wh-what exactly h-happened?” you stuttered, tears spilling from your eyes. 

“He got into a crash, and got injured. The doctor said that he hasn’t suffered too many injuries, but he is yet to gain consciousness.” Tom said, voice still shaking. “We’re all just waiting for him to wake up.”

You took a seat beside the bed and held his right hand, which did not have any needles. You muttered a silent prayer for him to get well soon. You stroked his hair as he kept on sleeping peacefully.

----

Harry finally regained consciousness two days later. You all were so happy and relieved. The doctor also gave good news that he was better and would be good to go in two more days, as he had to do some minor check ups. You were relieved that he was going to be alright. You had been so afraid to lose him, as you couldn’t imagine your life without him. He had been your support all your life. 

Oh. Oh. A realization hit you. He was your whole life. You did not want to spend your life without him. This episode of almost losing him had made you realize it. You quickly made your way towards Harry’s room, where he was just lying awake. Sam was telling him something, and he had an amused look on his face.

“Hey, babe. How are you feeling?”

“Better. How’re you?”

“I’m great. Hey, could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah sure, (y/n/n) what is it?”

You took a deep breath. “So uhh, I’ve actually been thinking ever since we almost lost you. I don’t know, but it got me thinking. You know how I’ve always been wary of the idea of marriage, as I have always feared that what happened to my parents, would happen to us, which is not what I want. But umm, I’ve realized that I never wanna lose you, ever. I cannot imagine a life without you with me. Also, what Sally said to me the other day, made me realize that you are indeed the right person for me.”

“Oh my- wow (y/n) so, are you saying that um, that umm you’d consider taking the next step?” he asked, hoping you’d say yes.

“Yes Harry.” you tucked a hair strand behind your hair, took his hand in yours and continued, “so Harry, I know this is probably not the place to say this, we’re in a friggin hospital” he chuckled as you smiled and continued, “but maybe, when time comes, and I’m hoping it comes soon enough, do you wanna consider maybe going further? Like, be together forever?”

“You have no idea how much I’ve waited for this.”

“Is that a yes?”

He just pulled you towards him in response and caressed your cheek, attaching his lips to yours. You kissed him back gladly, smiling into the kiss. He pulled away and stroked his finger on your hand, whispering a “yes”, a goofy grin on his face.

The End

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[omniswords]

Chronicles of a Parisian Dumbass 16

oh gosh, i'm so sorry for the late update!! i promise i'm still working on this, little by little. i am on vacation next week, so maybe i'll get the chance to really put some work in.

in any case, enjoy today's update c:

okay, so who the hell was gonna tell me that CBG’s designed a whole-ass album cover for my favorite artist of all time?

scratch that. who was gonna tell me she designed my FAVORITE album cover for my FAVORITE artist of all time?

Bubbles, as it turns out, has known Marinette Dupain-Cheng since he was four years old. Went to school with her and everything. So that’s another scoop to the shit Luka’s landed himself in. He still isn’t sure what gave him greater whiplash: finding out about that connection, or finding her name in the fine print of Jagged stone’s album credits. He also isn’t sure whether it’s a good thing that Nino mentions little else, and especially dodges the question of if it’s even cool to actually admit to having a gigantic crush on Marinette Dupain-Cheng, or whether he’s just wasting his time.

Cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

(Luka is most definitely not cool.)

Especially for those freeze-frames of time that he wonders, to his own horror, if Bubbles has been Adrien Agreste all this time.

It takes him the better part of an hour of pacing and fidgeting with his guitar pick to realize that no, he hasn’t been casually messaging a fashion mogul’s son who also just so happened to be Marinette’s own gigantic crush. He doesn’t seem like the type to use “dude” in everyday conversation, and for another thing, it didn't exactly like up with what Marinette had said about them knowing each other in middle school.

One day, Luka swears, he’s going to take this anxiety thing out back and have it meet its maker.

Even if, maybe, he sort of is its maker.

(Okay, maybe he's going to take his brain out back, because he's definitely not responsible for that.)

But he figures, once that initial panic and urge to scream into his pillow wear off, that it might be a cool talking point between him and Marinette. One that, for once, doesn’t have much to do with either of their jobs. Or with how tongue-tied he gets around her because she just won’t stop being so pretty. Not that that’s a problem; both his sister and his mother would have his head for ever thinking that way, and even then, Rose would tell them to get in line. Something about how they didn’t raise him this way, even if two of them didn’t even raise him at all.

Luka waits a couple of days before stopping by the bakery again; it gives them both some breathing room and the time for those postcards to be finished and printed. He thinks about it a lot. The postcards. The effort. Marinette, too, but in his quietly flustered opinion, he thinks that’s a given. He doesn’t get the chance to come until close to closing time again because of his delivery shift; he just hopes they don’t mind too much. He braces himself the whole ride over for whatever may be coming: another friendly crack about napoleons and pear tarts, the beauty of the postcards, maybe even another offer of kindness if Marinette’s pattern is anything to go by.

The one thing Luka doesn’t brace himself for—which, of course, is the one thing that ends up happening—is the door propped open, and the music drifting out through the crack. And he can’t even revel in the fact that it’s one of his favorite songs playing, because…

Because Marinette is dancing. Rag in one hand, spray bottle in the other. No, it’s not like, a flawlessly choreographed routine or anything. It’s more like a mix of what Rose does during their down time when she has too much energy and nowhere to put it, and what Juleka does when she’s trying to find the rhythm of a new song. It’s blissfully unaware, and beautiful, and it feels like home, and Luka can’t stop staring.

He doesn’t mean to. He knows he shouldn’t. It’s just… he can’t remember ever seeing a moment when she was simply “Marinette, “instead of “Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Friend to Practically Everybody.” or “Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Daughter of the Owners of The Best Bakery In Paris.” or even “Marinette, the Girl Behind the Counter with the Sketchbook Full of Secrets and the connections to Jagged Fucking Stone.”

Okay, maybe he’s been watching a couple too many fantasy movies lately.

And he definitely needs to look away, like, right now, because she does this thing with her hips that makes his brain forget how to function for a second, and he needs his brain to function in every sense of the phrase, and God fucking damn it, Marinette Dupain-Cheng is hot and he’s not supposed to think that she’s hot—

And she’s looking at him. Frozen. right as he’s about to get off his bike and knock.

And, like the total idiot he can only manage to be at the worst possible times, he trips. Over his bike. And faceplants, right in front of Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

He’s somewhere between waiting for death to take him, and thanking his Ma for always getting on him about wearing a helmet, and wondering if he really was so stupid that his first instinct was to run, when the bell over the bakery door rings like mad. Someone cries out his name, and the music cuts, and there’s a skitter of footsteps on concrete. When he comes to himself and starts to sit up, he finds himself face-to-face with Marinette, who's kneeling beside him and already scanning him for any injuries.

The first thing she says, with her hand in her hair, is, “Oh, God. She’s gonna kill me.”

The first thing he says, with a wince, is, “Yikes.”

It’s then that the pain sinks in, dull and searing and throbbing all at once, as if punishing him for choosing to say that, of all things. He sits up a bit more, pain chasing up his spine and stinging his palms; his knee is badly scraped and starting to swell, he realizes once he gets a good look at the rest of him. He can’t tell yet, whether Juleka would call this karma or kismet. All he can think is that at least his jeans were already ripped.

“Can…” Marinette swallows hard, but otherwise she’s entirely unfazed. “Can you stand? Put weight on it? Oh God, oh my God, she’s actually gonna kill me.”

“I…” Cautiously, Luka tries to get to his feet, and Marinette makes space for him. All it takes is one step for a jolt of pain to shoot up his leg, and he staggers and clutches the closest streetlamp, nearly tripping over his bike again in the process. “Shit,” is all he can bite out after drawing his breath in through his teeth and holding onto it for too long. He lets it out, little by little, and his grip on the lamppost loosens. “It’s okay, I’m—I can just walk my bike to the metro station, and—”

It’s like she isn’t even listening to him; she’s looking around the bike, evidently searching for something. Finally, she finds it—his bike lock—and after it and the bakery door are secure, she coaxes his arm around her shoulder. It’s almost comical, because he’s got a good thirty centimeters on her, but it hurts too much to laugh. Or, apparently, to stammer in protest when she leads him through the side door and up the stairs to her apartment.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Seeing her in her pajamas was enough of an invasion of her privacy. But seeing the inside of her literal, actual home? Oh, no. No way.

“You’re hurt,” she says simply, as if she’s read his mind; her voice is trembling, the way voices do when they know they shouldn’t. “It’d be against like, everything I am as a person if I just let you leave.” She only lets go of him to unlock the door, and only then does it occur to him that, for a few moments that should have been blissful, they were side-by-side, and in some places skin-to-skin.

Mr. Dupain gives them a funny, almost unreadable look when Marinette opens the door. One look at Luka’s leg seems to answer any questions he might have had, and effortlessly he helps Luka to the couch while Marinette disappears into the bathroom. “You know,” he jokes under his breath, “When I imagined someone falling for my daughter, I didn’t mean literally.”

Luka’s face goes hot. “I didn’t—I’m not—”

Whatever he wants to say falls on deaf ears, and Mr. Dupain makes himself scarce as soon as Marinette emerges from the bathroom. Even as she lifts his leg onto the coffee table, Luka swears he can feel those kind, quietly insistent eyes burning holes into him all the way from the kitchen. He doesn’t get to think much more about what Mr. Dupain might have meant, or what he would have said to refute it, because Marinette is pressing an alcohol pad to the scrapes, and it stings like a motherfucker—which is probably a good thing for more reasons than one.

“You don’t have to do this,” he says weakly, because somewhere along the way, I don’t deserve it got stuck in his throat and refused to come out.

Marinette gives him a look. He can’t quite figure out what it means. “Yeah. I do.”

“Nah.” He readjusts, braces himself for the second sting of the ointment and the bandages. “I kinda deserved it. Jules would call it karma, I guess.”

There she goes again, wincing at the mere mention of Juleka. Or maybe… maybe it’s something else. Without a word, she gets up and disappears into the kitchen, and he spends her whole absence wondering what he said or did. He’s only relieved when she returns with a bag of frozen corn and a shrug as if to say, It’s all we had. She presses the bag to his knee, breathing deep in time with him, or maybe in hopes that his breathing will start to match hers. Then she speaks, and her voice wavers.

“Why would you ever think,” she murmurs, “that you deserve any pain?”

Luka opens his mouth. Shuts it. Opens and shuts again. This time, at least for a while, the words don’t even make it to his throat. Eventually, all he can spit out is, “I was. Watching. You.”

“I know,” Marinette says, turning as pink as her shorts. “I saw.”

That’s the one thing he can appreciate: she doesn’t try to downplay it or say it was dumb. Even now, she’s unapologetic, and direct, and God, maybe he’s just fallen a little more. “I shouldn’t have,” he says. “I was gonna knock, I was…” He shifts again, his knee still in her gentle grasp, and flinches. “I just… wanted to see your postcards.”

I just wanted to see you.

“Marinette.” His lips tingle just from saying her name, and his stomach is churning. “Who… who’s gonna kill you?”

This time, Marinette goes scarlet; it would look about as pretty as literally every other color and pattern she wears if she didn’t seem so… mortified. “I’ll go get one of—the postcards,” she says—stammers, more like—and as she’s heading upstairs she calls out, “Papa, he can’t walk. Can we drive him home?”

From the kitchen, Mr. Dupain winks.

1 Photo Attached

RIP lol

and no, i’m not talking about my jeans. those were already like that.

but also. 😬 oh boy.

[rauvlyna]

Han Jisung - Crushes

pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

theme: fluff - platonic relationship

warnings: none (except for the fact that it literally leads to nowhere)

a/n: i also wrote this 2 year ago and it’s a tad (or maybe more than just a tad) cringy. i didn’t really know how to end this so it’s kinda just a blurb. anyways, have fun, drink water, take your meds, eat healthy, exercise and smile!!!!

What a lovely day it is today.

Saturday, no classes and no projects to do. No one to tell me when to get off this cozy bed on a rainy day. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, ready for sleep to engulf me again.

However, someone just had to ruin the moment by ringing the doorbell. I didn’t put an effort to get up, expecting mom or maybe my sister to open the door.

After a few seconds it stopped. Maybe it was just a delivery or something. Mom have been spending all her free time online shopping for who knows what. Trying to close my eyes, the doorbell rang again, this time it was ringing like a madman. Whoever is outside must have been in a rush.

In my peripheral vision I saw my phone light up. Grabbing it, I was surprised by the number of messages showing up one after the other.

HANdyman: Y/N open the door, you peasant.

HANdyman: I’m freezing my butt off outside your house.

HANdyman: Can’t you freaking hear me practically murdering your doorbell?

HANdyman: Are you still sleeping??

HANdyman: I’m guessing it’s a yes.

HANdyman: You lazy bum, open the door and let me in.

Shoot! I forgot that we have that art project to work on.

I quickly jumped out of bed, almost slipping from the blankets sprawled out on the floor. I didn’t even bother to go to the bathroom to check if I looked even just half decent. Instead I bolted down the stairs, almost missing a step as I slide towards the door.

Hastily opening the door, I was met by a shivering Jisung and a pool of water beneath his shoes.

>.>.>.>.>.>.<.<.<.<.<.<.<

“So you mean you forgot about the project?”

“Before you go all Hulk on me, keep in mind that we just had an entire week having all-nighters filled with finishing other projects. Besides, I didn’t exactly forget, it just slipped out of my mind?”

It was true, since the exams were only two weeks away the teachers are rushing us with projects. Instead of replying he just sighed.

“Sorry about your clothes by the way.” I said glancing at my shirt and pants he was wearing.

After letting Jisung in, I found out that everyone was not home. Mom left a note that she would be out for the whole day because of some event that she had to attend and my sisters went with her.

“It’s fine. It’s a good thing that you have big clothes, or else I’d be wearing your dad’s shirt. We both know that I’d probably look like a dwarf wearing his”, he chuckled at the thought.

“Do you want to do the project now? I’ll just take my art supplies from my bedroom. Well, technically it’s my sister’s but yeah.”

“Sure. I also brought mine, just in case.”

“I need to change out of my pajamas. And brush my teeth.”

“Yeah, you do. Your breath stinks.”

“You should be thankful I saved your ass from freezing before even thinking about my hygiene, brat.”

>.>.>.>.>.>.>.<.<.<.<.<.<.<

“Why did I even pick Art as an elective?”, I said lying on the couch upside down regretting my life choices.

“Because you wanted to stalk that ‘cute’ guy, what was his name again? Hanjin? Kenji?”, Jisung said while putting air quotes on the word cute and obviously struggling to remember the name.

“First of all his name is Hyunjin”, I pointed out.

“Eh, close enough”, Jisung mumbled. Turning back to his work.

“Second, it wasn’t totally because of him. I admit, I had a stupid crush on him in sophomore year, but I already grew out of it. It was more to the fact that Ms. Jeong is really nice and gives high grades.” I finished talking and sat up to continue on working on our movie poster.

“Fair enough.”

Ms. Jeong made us do a project by partner where we were each assigned a book title to make a movie poster. But not the typical computer-edited movie poster, instead we were told to make it a hand-painted one. Me and Jisung picked The Castle in the Attic.

There was a moment of silence.

“Hey.”

I look up slightly to meet his gaze.

“Yeah?”

“When did you start liking that Hyunjin guy?”

He propped up his arm and leaned his head on it, curiosity written all over his face.

I sighed and pulled myself up to a sitting position.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. Maybe it was when Felix introduced me to him because they were in the same dance crew. At first I thought he was arrogant, because of his undeniably good looking face. Plus, the fact that he’s a great dancer. But surprisingly, he was very down to earth.”

“Why did you ask?” By now I returned to painting the castle.

“I was just curious. Do you still like him?”

“No, not anymore. I mean we’re still friends and all but I realized I was just a hormonal teenager back then.”

“What’s with the questions though? You were never one to talk to me about things like this.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Yeah, whatever. By the way, how’s your college applications?”

I adjusted my position on the floor since my back was starting to hurt. I peeked at Jisung who had an unreadable look on his face. Taking my free hand and waving it in front of his face, he was snapped out of his reverie.

Jisung cleared his throat. “I got a letter from one of the universities I applied.”

“Well, what did it say?” I asked, glancing up at him.

“I wasn’t accepted.”

“You sent an application to a couple more universities, right?”

He nodded and I approached him and patted his shoulders.

“Yeah, but I’m worried that I might get rejected by all the others I applied to.” His eyes welled up with tears.  

“Are you kidding?” He met my eyes with a confused expression. I sighed and rolled my eyes at him.

“You’re literally one of the top students in our school. You have lots of extracurricular and the fact that you’re one of the editors of our school paper just means that you’re one heck of a hardworking student.” I paused to look at his expression which was a mix of surprise and gratitude? I lightly slapped his thigh, “It’s just one rejection, that doesn’t mean that you’re not good. Who knows? Maybe you’re not destined to be in that school.” He chuckled at the mention of  the word‘destined’.

“Are you trying to be like a motivational speaker right now?” He said while trying to wipe the unshed tears.

I shushed him and pressed a finger to his lips and his eyes widened at my actions.

���I’ve been practicing.” I said, removing my finger from his lips and scooting back to my previous position. I picked up the paint brush and went back to painting.

“For what?”

“You know how Jeongin is a bit lousy when it comes to girls?” I asked him and he hummed in response. “He’s been asking me for advice and I think he holds onto them too much.”

“Poor kid. He’s just a bundle of hormones as of now. Why did he even think that you’ll be able to help him?”

I scowled at him, “Excuse me, I can be helpful when I need to be.”

Jisung shook his head, “I meant that you can’t even handle your own crushes.” He paused, “You know that time when you had a crush on Seungmin? You used to hide every time you see his face. There was even that one time when you went to our room and when you saw him you instantly hid behind my back.”

My shocked face made him laugh. “Oh God. Don’t remind me of that. That was so fu-“ I cleared my throat, “freaking embarassing. I cringe so hard and just want to repeatedly slam my head on the wall whenever I remember that.”

Jisung laughed so hard that he almost messed up the part he was working on. “Yeah, that was pretty embarassing man. But why are you holding back on cursing?” He said when he finally got a hold of himself.

I looked at him in incredulity. “I told you about this before, I’m not gonna use the F word until I turn 20. I swear you’re only bringing it up because you want to embarrass me.”

He snorted loudly. “It is pretty funny though, like we both know you use that word on your head a lot so why not say it out loud.”

“I don’t know really. I think it’s because people normally see me as the girl who doesn’t seem to curse. Even some of our friends think that I’m naïve and innocent.”

“If only they knew.” Jisung scoffed which I rolled my eyes at him but he didn’t notice it as my head was ducked.

[jyndor]

(Imperialism etc anon) Ok I get where you're coming from! Thank you for being understanding. While Zutara is obviously not inherently racist or anything there are zutara interpretations that *are* racist (example: fire lady katara which I can get into) and it does need to be acknowledged that Zuko's status as fire nation royalty does create a power imbalance between him and Katara. Now, this is a conversation that has a lot of nuance to it but it seems like the people harassing you are (1/2)

(2/2) just repeating some genuine critique they saw without understanding what it means just to say that they're right, harassing people in the process. I did not have that context when sending that first ask and I apologize, since anons harassing you and others are clearly doing it out of bad faith. I just didn't like the leveraging of concepts that really matter in real life (colonialism, etc), ykwim? But I get what you were trying to do.

hey anon I’m finally getting to you after 84 years XD

so first off, I want to be careful about how I approach this because I understand that as a white person (even if my ancestors experienced imperialism) in the US I absolutely benefit from imperialism and don’t want to like, idk, whitesplain XD so if anyone gets annoyed with any way I say anything, just lmk and I’ll rework it. and I also do understand that these are real world issues that are far more consequential than messaging in media (although I do think it’s very important that we challenge messages in media because of media’s influence on our thinking and politics).

but before I talk about zuko and his relationship to fire nation imperialism, and then later fire lady katara and why it isn’t INHERENTLY racist but definitely can be, I want to talk about the atla fandom and how we got here. like, why I assume that most anons who come at zutara shippers are asshats acting in bad faith. if you already know fandom history, skip this section.

1. atla and the fandom has always been kind of shitty and racist

so IDK if everyone is familiar with the history of the ship war in atla fandom, but it’s regarded as one of the nastiest ship wars in fandom history which I agree lol. atla’s creators were some of the first to interact with the fandom the way they did - back then it wasn’t all that common for creators to get into twitter feuds with fans and boundaries were respected more than they are now imo. but for better or worse, and it is a mixed bag, bryke interacted with fandom a lot. certainly at cons but also on social media.

but honestly things really got extra mean in fan spaces when bryke made a “joke” atla season 4 slideshow out of fan art (some of which was really sexual in nature and totally inappropriate) that mocked fans’ creations, but especially zutara fanart and zutara itself. it was pretty tasteless especially considering how most zutara fans were teen girls, and featured some art of sokka saying that if you think zuko and katara would be good together, you’re doomed to have failed relationships. that’s where the whole “dark and mysterious” bs came from, which does describe some zutara fic but not even most of it lol. I actually do respect bryke a lot despite my criticism of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that shit. like even if you hate zutara, even if it’s a joke, we were kids. and they were adults, and the whole thing was nasty.

however, the ship war was chaotic and messy, but it does feel worse now. maybe it’s because back then the fandom was MOSTLY teens and kids, and I don’t think that’s true now. we were all trying to prove our ship was best with like, content from the show and theories and all that, and now it’s like... whose ship is ~problematic lol it’s a show by white us americans appropriating from various cultures impacted negatively by us/british imperialism that they then profited off of, of course it’s racist. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that, and in fact many poc have been saying this shit for years - that atla is racist and colorist at many times (guru pathik anyone?) and no one really listened.

if fans are complaining only about zutara, then I’m automatically writing them off as being insincere or ignorant. and since most of these people are anonymous, I have no idea if they are having substantive discourse about colorism in avatar or cultural appropriation (even if it is mostly appreciative). if you are on anon, I have no context about what you actually think except for what you give me. and that definitely is how I view anons in general but especially within the atla fandom because for all 13-ish years I’ve been in it, it’s been messy. that’s why zutara fans have isolated ourselves from the rest of fandom, because the rest of fandom has been really nasty to us. like did we give back some nastiness? absolutely.

but I would hazard a guess that most anti-zutara shippers don’t know about the conversations we have had in this community to make it safer for people of color, conversations that centered poc and woc especially. hey, that’s okay - not to compare zutara to r*ylo because eurgh but like, idk what discourse the r*ylos have about their community. no idea, I don’t go looking for it. and I don’t go to the tags and harass r*ylos - even though they harass the fuck out of everyone else.

2. so zuko and his privilege

undoubtedly zuko as fire lord is in a fairly privileged position LMFAO. but during the show zuko is very clearly exiled - he holds very little political power in the fire nation EXCEPT for during the first season when he is in command of a ship that ozai gave him on a punishment quest lol like yeah he does terrible things and he of all people would not excuse his actions even if he was a traumatized kid, that’s the point of his arc - that he got some exposure to the rest of the world and worked to be better. and the only reason he was exiled at all was because he cares about people - he didn’t question fire nation supremacy at 13, but he sure did question the morality of his people being lead to slaughter.

but after zuko and iroh defect from the fire nation and stop hunting aang, he has next to no power, in any kind of way. like the guy is a political refugee. and yes, he goes back to the fire nation for like five minutes before realizing that he hates everything about fire nation hegemony and that he wants to end his father’s reign of terror, like that isn’t exactly someone who is going to be well esteemed by the powerful elites when he returns and takes the throne.

and I disregard the comics because they suck lol but zuko does have power as the fire lord, but he limits his power. like compared to ozai, phoenix asshole? azula? for the rest of the world, zuko is kind of an ideal leader for a former colonizing/imperialistic nation to have - someone who worked to end that tyranny, who is anti-imperialist, who believes in justice and equality, who wants to make things right for the peoples who his family oppressed.

I do think it is important to talk about power dynamics and imbalances in relationships - for instance, one could argue that mai is at a significant disadvantage in her relationship with zuko. sure she is from a powerful family but not as powerful as zuko’s. sokka? hah forget it. he’s just as disadvantaged as katara is politically speaking. toph? well, she’s definitely not as powerful politically as zuko - her family tried to silence her for years because of her disability. and oh, she’s disabled so it might be ableist for zuko to strike up a relationship with her when they’re both adults. forgetting of course that toph and sokka and katara and suki and mai are not going to be shy about their wants and needs, that these relationships are not likely to be coercive by nature of the show they’re in and the characters they involve. this is not bill clinton with monica creepiness. like, you’d have to write the relationship that way.

the only person who arguably has more political power than zuko is aang. I guess zuko can’t ever be in a relationship with anyone other than aang. and zuko’s family massacred aang’s people so I guess we can’t ship zukaang. now I know you’re not saying that, context matters. power dynamics are important. but you can’t take away the agency of characters - katara, who is essentially a princess, has agency and can choose who she wants to be with. strictly speaking, aang is more powerful than anyone in terms of political power - he’s the avatar - and of course the dynamic is different by nature of aang not being from a line of oppressors, but there still is a power imbalance in their relationship. and I don’t know how many k/ataang shippers have discourse~ on that. not that I really feel like they NEED to, um idk what they talk about lol I’m not in those circles.

3. fire lady katara is in the eye of the beholder

so fire lady katara is not inherently bad or racist, it’s essentially like saying michelle obama shouldn’t have been first lady of the us (now I get that like the obamas being in power didn’t mean black people are not marginalized lol). you can have conversations about whether or not individual versions of fire lady katara are fucked up, and I’m superrrr open to that because I’ve seen it be kinda shitty before. i’m just gonna leave this link to @shewhotellsstories and her post on this.

but often times katara as fire lady is very dominant in global/fire nation/water tribe politics, she’s a game changer ambassador (that is probably the most popular headcanon I see), she holds on to her culture (and many fans have designed her being in her wt colors, zuko is respectful af to her, she and zuko spend extended periods in the swt, etc. like... it just depends on the way it’s written.

also leaving this response by @avatarnerdkiller to the idea of katara being a prize figurehead.

anyway, thanks for your patience anon and I am curious to see if you see this or even feel like responding after all this time XD

[dennou-translations]

Kagerou Daze VIII: Chapter 8

Children Record -side No.7-

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases in Japanese or in English. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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If “not forgetting” was the prerequisite for “having memories”, what was a “memory” once forgotten called?

I roamed my thoughts, not telling anyone about the “recollections” that I seemed dangerously close to losing.

The “goodbyes” that seemed to burn our chests, the miraculous “reunions”, the “future” that we’d reached our hands out to while readying ourselves for certain death – no matter how much we cherished them, it’d be a disappointment if we ended up forgetting everything.

“Forgetting” didn’t leave even loneliness behind. As if nothing had ever existed from the very beginning, the forgotten recollection would lose even the name “memory” and be gone without a trace. It was an utterly absurd story. No matter how dear our memories were to us, we couldn’t build a fence around them. We would fail to recall even the reasons to try remembering “memories” that were truly forgotten.

Right, we were there because we’d been “continuously forgetting”. By stepping over the dead bodies of memories that we couldn’t remember, we were moving forward one way or another.

That was the only thing I didn’t want to forget.

“He~y, you awake?” an insensitive voice echoed through the madder-red-dyed classroom.

Sitting in the last row next to the window and having been watching the slowly darkening diorama-like cityscape, I turned toward the owner of the voice. Illuminated by sunset glow, Ayano’s face was openly peeking at me from the seat in front of mine.

For starters, it was all too questionable that the concept of “sleep” would exist in this ambiguous world, where we were both alive and dead, so I wondered if she was joking.

No, that was suspicious. She didn’t seem to be thinking anything.

“There anyone who sleeps with their eyes closed?” as I asked rudely, I turned back to the cityscape out the window.

At the corner of my line of sight, Ayano shrank back a little. Seeing her that way, it looked to me like Ayano had started to get a slight inkling of things. I wasn’t trying to be mean to her or anything, but to be frank, I was irritated.

“C-Could it be... you’re angry at me for not going to you for advice?” Ayano asked with upturned eyes, stirring lightly in dread.

“About what?”

“Erm, like... I came over here by myself without asking for your opinion.” Hanging her head after saying so, Ayano flickeringly peeked at my complexion.

Well, she was mostly right.

At the very least, I didn’t hate her. She’d seemed friendly with me for some reason, and it hadn’t been just one or two times that I’d watched over her studies. Of course, given that we were a guy and a girl, I thought it was appropriate for each of us to keep a secret or two from one another. But even if that much was okay, as friends, I totally thought we had a relationship where one could rely on the other and be relied on whenever we were faced with great distress.

Still, this.

Hn, well~, there sure are things about her that I’ve never heard of from the Mekakushi-dan guys! Why, she went around on her own to investigate Clearing, and dear me, all her younger siblings had superhuman abilities, so she tried to enter Kagerou Daze alone after making up her mind – the more I dig, the more bargain sales I get of stuff I was never told before.

No, it wasn’t like I was vexed that she had kept it all a secret from me, or that I wanted to know Ayano through and through, or anything of the sort. Absolutely not. It’s just that, as her friend, I felt resentment at how she had done things in a reckless way without taking herself into consideration.

When I glanced at her, Ayano reacted to my gaze and her body shrank back uneasily.

Dammit... Acting like a little puppy...!

Trying to take advantage of my conscience would get her nowhere. Who knew how badly my heart had ached because of her during these two years?

Other men might end up easily forgiving you, but Shintarou-san isn’t the kind of skirt chaser who’d yield to that. Shintarou-san’s been severe lately.

“Well, things are the way they are. Even if I judge you at this point of the game, there’s no helping them.”

How regretful. Shintarou-san does wind up easily forgiving a girl when she fidgets at him.

Perhaps thinking that I was going to scold her or something, Ayano stared blankly at me for a bit, and then gave a faint smile, looking apologetic. “You’re as nice as ever. That’s why you ended up here, Shintarou.”

“Shaddap. You’re the same as me, aren’t you?” leaving my inward gags aside, I used rude language to dodge the embarrassing mood.

My bodily sense of time told me that it had been approximately one or two days ever since I was swallowed by Kagerou Daze. Still, in an environment where I could get neither sleepy nor hungry, there was probably not much meaning in relying on body sensations.

According to Haruka-senpai, there was a huge gap between here and outside regarding the flow of time. I had a rough idea of it from listening to Hibiya talk about how “the same day had repeated over and over”, and sure enough, there was no logic or reason to it. It indeed didn’t seem like I had been wrong about this being a world removed from common sense.

“But I was really surprised. To think Shintarou would be fighting together with everyone.”

“I was the last person who could’ve imagined something like that. Working my ass off to read deep into things for someone else’s sake just isn’t like me...”

“Nope, you’re wrong. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt that it’d turn out like this. That Shintarou would do his best to protect everyone.” Ayano added, “That’s why I couldn’t tell you anything” at the end, shying out.

So she had expected that I’d fight.

Well, it wouldn’t not be inevitable that I’d get myself involved in this as long as Momo was an Ability User, but she shouldn’t know that Momo was an Ability User in the first place. If so, I couldn’t believe right off the bat that she had anticipated things would turn out like this, since I was “someone unrelated” to her in the end.

Hm. Wait a minute. Hahaan, don’t tell me...

“Could this be consolation for a ‘non-Ability-User’ like me?”

By some sort of karma, everyone I’d been involved with in high school had become an Ability User. Yet I was the only one who was still a newborn Bambi until now. I didn’t think hatefully of that, but I wondered if she didn’t think of me as inconvenient, since I was the sole person who hadn’t gotten his hands on an Ability out of our group of four friends.

Regardless, Ayano responded to my sarcasm-mixed words by shaking her head furiously. “I-I’m serious! I saw Shintarou fighting even in my dreams!”

“Hoh, what kinda dream was that?”

“Erm. One where Shintarou was standing coolly in front of everyone and flashily defeating the boss. You were wearing a bright red full-body unitard with the sunset on your back, saying, ‘Sorry for the wait! Here’s the unmatched super hero!’ and swinging an iron ball with a chain...”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!! What sorta perverted bastard is that?!! That ain’t related to Abilities by a single millimeter, and actually, it didn’t become true at all, did it?!”

Halfway tending to trip, Ayano, who had been imagining me swinging around an iron ball, abruptly returned to reality. “That’s true. Gee, I wonder if it was in a different dream...”

“More like, just how often have you dreamed of me...?”

It was repulsive to think that I played an active role inside her brain clad in a transformation suit of sorts. Nevertheless, Ayano herself said something spine-chilling, like, “M-Might’ve been pretty often...” with her face turning red for some reason.

“B-But y’know, there are many Eye Abilities, so it’s not weird that there’s a power like sharing a future, is it?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised no matter what comes up at this point, but are you the Ability User who can see this future?”

“No way! I’m totally not that!” resolutely denying it, Ayano made an X using her arms with a smack.

“Then isn’t this theory a bust?! Don’t try to justify the version of me that’s haunting your brain. First things first, take off the unitard!”

“Eeh?! If the unitard is off, the cool part is gone...”

“Eh, then wasn’t I unnecessary from the start?”

How tiring.

Aah, I was remembering it. You’d need a huge amount of effort to talk to her; about as much as when talking to Ene. It was a meaningless conversation, almost as if we were speaking just for the sake of “speaking”... Not knowing to settle her tone down even after dying made her a terrifying fellow.

But these aren’t pointless conversations like the ones of back then, I guess.

Precisely because she had died, she had played a major role in the fight of the outside world. As proof of this, she earlier had talked about what had been concerning her for a bit.

Praying that it wouldn’t be a fruitless conversation, I opened my mouth, “Just now, you said your Ability isn’t the power to see the future, right?”

“Ah, yup. I did.”

“Then, what Ability did you get?”

Silence.

“Aah, that’s right! I had to talk about it!!” Pushing the chair with a clatter, Ayano stood up all of a sudden with vehement vigor.

“Hyan!!” and I, exceptionally surprised by it, fell backward while letting out an uncanny cry. Splendidly hit the back of my head. If this weren’t the inside of Kagerou Daze, it would’ve been an accidental homicide.

“Uwaah! Sorry, sorry! Well, about the Abilities...”

“W-Wait a minute, your tempo is too fast; at least lemme fix up the chair.” I frantically got up from the floor, putting the chair back in place with a rattle.

Just trying to have a proper conversation with her was that exhausting. Most likely, by the time she finished introducing the topic, my soul would have eroded and disappeared.

“Well, then.”

“Yeah.”

We pulled ourselves together and re-started the conversation.

“I think it’s better for me to begin explaining from the time I came to this world... to Kagerou Daze.”

“Sure. Got any confidence that you can explain it decently?”

“N-Not much, but... I’ll do my best.”

That’s the spirit. Let’s hear it.

“See, it’s about the day... when I did that thing on the rooftop.”

“W-Wait a minute. Can’t you stop talking this way? It’s too lighthearted, kinda like—”

“Geez~, and here I’d finally come up with a good explanation! Be quiet and listen!” Ayano flat and moderately hit the desk.

She was mad at me. I listened in silence.

“Right after I entered Kagerou Daze... I met a girl named Azami.”

“Azami”. The originator who had birthed the Abilities and the first victim of Clearing’s plot.

I used to have no idea about what had happened to Azami herself after she transferred Abilities to people on the outside, but this meant that she had been staying in Kagerou Daze while retaining her consciousness. I couldn’t think that Ayano would lie on purpose. If they had met, then that was probably the case.

“She was really weak. Until that point, she’d been existing as a spiritual body with the power of Stirring, which she gave to Takane-san, but then it was gone too, so it seemed she was at her limit.”

“I... see. So Enomoto became Ene after that.”

“Yep, yep. My, how can I put it...? Takane-san got a-all bright after that, huh?” Ayano seemed to be choosing her words most carefully out of respect for our senior, but as expected, the strain at the edge of her lips didn’t fool anyone.

Rejoice, Enomoto; your dear junior saw it all.

Perhaps having noticed my grin, Ayano said, “L-Let’s leave that aside” and resumed the talk, tending to tumble. “After losing her physical and spiritual body, Azami had only one power left. That was the Ability I received,” saying so, Ayano pointed at the corner of her eye.

“The last one... I also didn’t know about this.”

The “Ten Abilities” cited in Azami’s diary were mostly referenced by name. However, no matter how many times I counted, there were only nine names in it. Those nine Abilities applied to the powers residing in the people outside. In other words, the one residing inside Ayano was the Tenth Ability, which hadn’t been listed in the diary.

Tapping with the finger that was aimed at herself, Ayano spoke with slightly wavering words, “This is a bit of a weird Ability. It’s got a nature that’s a little different from the other Abilities, so to say; it’s an Ability that sprouted from Azami’s ‘heart’, like... Would you understand if I say it’s a power created from the feeling of ‘wanting to convey’?”

“Nope, don’t get it at all.”

“Thought so.” Ayano exhaled a prolonged sigh with a “haah~”.

My, you sure are doing your best for someone so bad at explaining stuff.

“Ah, that’s right. Then wouldn’t it be better if I did it like this?”

One instant.

Almost as if shaded with sunset glow, Ayano’s dark brown hair was pregnant with a dense orange color. That was the activation of an Ability, which I had witnessed countless times. Still, the “sense of pressure” that seemed to be released from Ayano’s two eyes was nearly non-existent.

“Y’see, I think it’ll probably the easiest way for you to understand if I do it like this... Can you accept it?”

Ayano’s words and the movements of her lips incited a natural nod from me.

“Thank you. Then, I’ll ‘convey’ it to you, ‘kay?”

The color that appeared to be swaying inside her irises flared up all the more intensely. Unable even to blink, I simply surrendered my body to the persuasiveness of those orbs.

“Favoring Eyes.”

I was in a dark place. There was no right, left, up or down. It wasn’t cold or hot.

It was that kind of place.

“You’ll disappear, won’t you, Azami?” a voice rang throughout the complete darkness. Even if I chased for the voice’s owner, I couldn’t find her.

And there was one more voice. It came closer as if to nestle with me, word overlapping upon word, “Yeah. I am glad I could talk to someone like you in my last moments. More than anything, I am sorry for not having been able to do a single thing for you all until the very end. Truly, I am sorry...”

“I don’t want you to cry, ‘cause I’m also holding back from doing it.”

“I-I am not crying. It was just snot that came out. Besides... my ‘memory’ has already been delivered to your heart, right?”

“Yep, it has. Azami, I’ve definitely received your ‘memory’. That’s why I’m not lonely anymore.”

“Is that so? Then I am relieved. In the future, this ‘memory’ might be useful for something. The ‘memory’ is not me but the precious ‘feelings’ I had when I was alive.”

“Really, you’re right. I can understand your ‘memory’... as if it were my own. You’ve been doing your best to live on for such a very long time, huh, Azami?”

“Ugh... hic...”

“Aah, sorry. I didn’t say it out of thinking about making you cry.”

“That’s not it; that’s not it at all. It’s just... I’ve never even dreamed that someone would say something like this to me.”

“You’re a real crybaby, Azami. It’s okay; ‘cause I-I... surely won’t forget...

“What, but aren’t you also crying?”

“E-Ehehe. We’re together on this, huh?”

Silence.

“It is already time. Lastly... I will leave this with you.”

“Egh...”

“It is my ‘heart’... the power named ‘Favoring’. It is the power to convey ‘feelings’ and ‘memories’... Surely, if it’s you...”

“Hic... u-ueeh...”

“Welcome back. Did it get properly conveyed?”

“Yeah, it did.”

The color of the classroom dyed in scarlet was unfading, softly enveloping my consciousness as I was pulled back. It wasn’t like I’d been “shown” or “told” anything, yet a memory of Azami and Ayano’s encounter found itself inside my head as if it were logical.

“Shintarou, could it be you’re crying?”

“I ain’t crying. It’s just snot that came out.”

Ayano stared at my face for a bit, and perhaps realizing the meaning of those words, she gave me a shy smile.

I started thinking about Ayano.

The environment encircling her when she was still alive was wretched to the point of making me sick. To think that she had lost her precious mother, that her father – who used to be her only foundation – went through a transformation, and that her siblings and school seniors were taken as hostages. It wasn’t the kind of story that would only go as far as making your insides boil.

And so, Ayano had jumped from the rooftop, entering Kagerou Daze through cutting her own life short. Kano had made guesses about it; that as a result of linking her mother’s notes to Clearing’s plans, she had probably thought she could hinder Clearing’s plot of “gathering Abilities to make a Medusa” if she got her hands on one of the Ten Abilities.

Through my meeting with the Mekakushi-dan guys and connecting the pasts that each of them had talked about, I had arrived to the true motives behind Ayano’s actions. I had been accompanied by inevitable rage. That was why I’d sustained myself on that rage and fought. I’d been beating the hell of out this shitty world, which had been making people like them – who were living in desperation – into fools, pushing ridiculous absurdity onto them, and trying to rob them of even their future.

And the outcome of that fight was as one could see.

There wasn’t a single means of salvation, and neither was any miracle going to happen. The plan I’d come up with through milking my brains out also hadn’t served to save everybody. There was really nothing more worthless than the fact that, if there was just one thing I could do, it was to talk to my dead friends.

Nevertheless, even if I died, even if I rotted, there was one truth that I couldn’t escape from. Outside of Kagerou Daze, the Mekakushi-dan guys were even now fighting against the enemy. Just because I’d died, there was no way I alone could put an end to it on my own accord. And it seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking so.

Ayano and I looked into each other’s eyes, and as if confirming one another’s wills, we exchanged words.

“Must keep it up until the end, huh?”

“Yeah, it ain’t over yet.”

At Ayano’s unfaltering words, I was convinced of one thing. Most likely, she and I were imagining the exact same conclusion for this battle.

In the first place, this fight had pre-existing conditions thrust into it from the beginning. The enemy was an immortal Ability itself, and the only one who could control it – the Medusa – didn’t exist in this world. So long as the enemy was immortal, if Mary didn’t turn into a Medusa and make it powerless, the Ability Users would all be brutally killed, no matter how much they ran or tried to buy time. Still, for Mary to become a Medusa, she had to draw the Abilities out of the Ability Users.

In other words, from the very start, the development where all of us would survive didn’t exist in this battle.

It was a cruel story that nothing could be done about, but it was the “reality” of this struggle. As long as we couldn’t all survive together, we couldn’t puff out our chests and claim that “we won”. And, albeit being aware of these prerequisites, everyone from the Mekakushi-dan had thrown themselves into the fight.

If only we’d managed to figure everything out sooner, faster.

It was too late for being frustrated over that or anything else at this point. Because, right now, everything had come to the moment just before the end.

Still, there was only one thing. It was a mere possibility, but there was something left in our hands. It was liable to turn out as meaningless, but if we hadn’t fought, we would never have been able to get our hands on it. Just as there was no “victory” for us in this battle, as long as we had that thing, there was also no “defeat”.

After all, the goal we carried was not to “win”.

“I left just one thing behind on the other side,” saying so, I took a cellphone out of my jersey’s pocket, put it on the desk and tilted my neck at Ayano.

“A phone? I think it won’t connect with the other side, though...”

“If you think on ordinary terms, that’s how it’d be. Except, there’re guys who ‘ain’t normal’ on the other side.”

It didn’t even serve as an all-or-nothing, and it seemed suspicious that it’d be as much as a one-in-a-million chance; that was the kind of bet it was. And even if it became true, that didn’t mean it could knock down the enemy. Simply for the sake of grasping an “extension”, I’d entrusted one last wish to that girl.

“Even if you thought it out, you normally wouldn’t do something like that.” Perhaps having understood my anticipations, Ayano gave me a strained smile.

“I might’ve stopped being ‘normal’ too.”

Seen from the sidelines, me betting my own life not for the sake of surviving or fighting, but merely for “choosing”, probably came off as an abnormality. And so, I ruminated inside my mind for our clichéd purpose, which we had decided upon in that hideout.

Our child-like objective of “not giving up on the future no matter what”.

[snovaness]

Tape Arms

4. Roomies           5. Fake Date          6. Bakery

Masterlist

Summary: Sero Hanta has a huge crush on a fellow pro-hero who goes by the name Time Keeper. Unfortunately, for him she doesn’t even know his name despite the fact that they work for the same agency. But it seems that luck is on Hanta’s side when U.A opens their first hero agency festival, an event that lets agencies put up a booth at U.A. High School to scout both students in the hero and support department. Y/n and Sero are two of the 6 chosen hero’s to represent their agency. Will this crush finally get somewhere or will he continue to be a coworker on the sidelines?

Walking into the small cafe you noticed the pink girl sitting with 2 other people. One was blonde while the other a spiky red head. Mina waved to you as you walked towards them. “Guys this is Y/n! My new bestie! Isn't she the cutest?!” The red head smiled “Hi, I’m Kirishima Eijirou.” The blonde stayed unbothered when all he said was Bakugo. “It’s nice to meet you guys!” You noticed 5 drinks on the table. Only one of them was left untouched and you began to think it might have been ordered for you but who did the other drink belong to? “Is there anyone else here? There's 5 drinks and just 3 of you so…” Mina noticed the door open and a smile made its way to her face. 

“Actually yes here they are! Camie, Sero over here!” You shifted slightly in your chair to see a blonde girl and Sero walk in. “Y/n this is Camie! You already know Sero.” You waved to the both of them. Camie was insanely pretty. Seeing her walk in with Sero made your mind race a mile a minute. You couldn’t help jump to the conclusion that maybe he could be seeing her. Trying to push that thought out of your mind you decided to go order yourself something. “Sero go with her and get me a slice of cake will you?” Bakugo said. His tone sounded more demanding than you were used to hearing when someone asked for a favor. Despite this Sero still got up and followed you towards the counter. 

“I didn’t know you were close with Mina” He stated. You just shrugged “We recently became friends actually but I really like her. She feels like a sister if that makes sense. It’s refreshing to have her to talk to instead of Ojiro and Sato. Don’t tell them I said that” he chuckled and then asked the cashier for two slices of cake. You just ordered an iced coffee. “No sweets today?” he questioned. “Oh no living with Sato is pretty much the same as being on a constant sugar high. I eat a little too much cake if I’m being honest” he laughed again. Would it be cheesy to say that it puts a smile on your face? Because it really did. 

Once you sat back down Camie faced you as you sat across from Mina. “So you’re Y/n! The one who has been slowly stealing my bae from me” You slightly choked on your coffee. Did she mean Sero? “I’m sorry?” Bakugo noticed your new rigid behavior. “Don’t scare her you dumbass.” She stuck her tongue out at the other blonde “I’m just trying to break the ice.” Mina rolled her eyes “Don’t worry Y/n she's joking. Camie isn’t the jealous type anyways.” You were seriously very confused at this point. 

“Wait so are you guys dating then?” You asked Camie. She smiled at you “Mina you didn’t tell her about me? I’ve been with Mina for about a year now.” Your two brain cells had finally connected “OHHH. You’re dating Mina! For a second I thought you were with Sero.” Kirishima looked confused “Wait, you thought Sero and Camie were together?” You played with the straw of your cup nervously. “Well she said I was slowly stealing her bae and out of Mina and Sero I’ve spent more time with Sero. Plus they did walk in together” Camie giggled “I just have a bad sense of direction and got lost so Sero came to get me.” Bakugo rolled his eyes. “You just added another dumbass to our friend group like we don’t already have 3.” 

“Hey! I am not a dumbass. I’ll have you know that I was in the top at my school!” He smirked “Oh yeah well so was I! Don’t start thinking you're better than me now Timekeeper” “That just proves I’m better because you know who I am and I have no clue who you are.” His eyes widened “What the hell do you mean you don’t know who I am?” You shook your head “Sorry I have no clue. I know like 6 pro-heroes and two of them are Mina and Sero.” Sero put his had on your shoulder “Uhh Y/n I don’t think you want to argue with Katsuki. He has a bit of a temper” You shook your head. “I know I can take him” The big smile you flashed him made his heart race. The crush he had on you only felt like it had gotten stronger once the two of you became friends. He watched as you and Bakugo began bickering over the fact you didn’t know any pro-heroes. “How do you fucking know Deku but now me?!” he huffed “He messaged me on how my quirk worked on twitter last year and we talk from time to time.” Kirishima rubbed Bakugo’s back “it’s okay babe. Don’t get too worked up about it.” Once again your two brain cells held hands. “Wait, you two are also together?” Kirishima nodded. “Oh yeah that’s right. L-M-A-O this is pretty much a triple date! Now that I think about it, Sero and Y/n do look totes adorbs together” Sero’s face slowly turned red as Bakugo started to yell. “Shut up glamour girl. You really think Sero would consider this a date? We all know soy sauce face is more romantic than that.” you chuckled nervously “I would have worn something a little nicer than just leggings and a sweater if I knew this was a date.” “You look beautiful anyways” Sero said casually. The tips of your ears started to burn. To others this may have been just a simple compliment but to you it felt much more than that. “He’s right your sweater is totally cute!” Camie responded. 

A phone on the table vibrated. “Hello. She’s ready? Okay thank you” Bakugo looked towards the group “Sorry guys we have to leave. We left Azula with the groomer.” You watched as the couple left the small cafe. “What kinda dog do they have?” you asked. “Pitbull mix. She’s such a sweet dog. Ei named her Azula because he binged watched The Last Airbender the same week they got her” Sero told you. “You have a dog too right Y/n?” Mina asked. You nodded “Oh yes! His name is Ein. He's a corgi.” 

The rest of the time at the cafe went well. Sero even offered to take you home but you sadly had to decline due to Sato asking you to buy groceries on your way home. You were grinning practically from ear to ear when you walked into your shared apartment. “Why are you so… not moody?” Ojiro asked. You put your purse down and sat next to him. “I went on a date today. Well not a real date it was kinda a fake date, a pre date if you will. Anyways I hung out with Mina and her girlfriend was there plus this angry blonde guy named Bakugo and his boyfriend Kirishima. Sero was also there so it was kinda like a triple date but not really.” You began to pet his tail “So basically you like Sero and are excited that you hung out with him?” You nodded “Is this where I call you a simp?” you laughed “maybe I am but I’d gladly be a simp for him”

Pairings: Bakugo x kirishima, Mina x Camie, Kaminari x Jiro, Sero x Y/n

Taglist: @fxded-drxms @azvmane @thatlonelypieceoftoast @issalilmessy

@edensxgarden @ohnosiren @thetrashyfangirlstuff @torikonan @kc-korra

[anxiouslowercase]

sweet escape

fandom: dc comics warning: none? just young adults heavily making out at some point. also it’s 5k summary: it's not that Cassie needs to get away from her friends per se, but if the opportunity presents itself for her to sneak out and meet the guy she's heavily falling for... well, she's going to take it. After all, it's not every day they casually coincide under the same roof at the exact same time - better make the best of it while she can. notes: everyone is of age (they’re in their twenties.) jay and cassie are not a couple, but rather kinda testing the waters and seeing what happens. yes we do love rarepairs in this house. and as always, massive thank you to @achinghcarts for being the best beta <3 ao3 link

Cassie fidgets with the phone in her hands, glancing at the time and, most importantly, at the notification bar atop the screen. It has been flicking alive repeatedly in the last hour or so, her messaging app the sole responsible of it. Not that this is something particularly unpleasant; oh no, on the contrary. Though linked to her rather restless state, the back-and-forth of texts in which she's been participating has done nothing but send occasional tickles to her stomach and put a dumb smile on her face that she's been doing her best to bite down. Which, yes it is kind of unbecoming because she's not fifteen anymore, but at the same time, how could something that makes her so giddy be something bad?

So no, it's not that she wanted that to stop. If anything, she just wanted things to escalate in some way, which in this particular case meant actually seeing the person she kept trying to flirt with via text. (Though whether such flirting was in any way successful is something Cassie cannot tell for sure yet - as much as she'd like to.) And one would think that, considering right now they are both under the same (enormous) roof, that wouldn't exactly be a problem - yet as she glances up at the three loud boys yelling at each other over who was very clearly cheating at Mario Kart, she can't be all that sure.

Though, of course, she can always try.

"Hey, Tim?" There's a sound quite similar to a hum or a grunt, and the girl figures that's an acknowledgement of sorts. "I'm gonna go get some water, I'll be right back."

"Bathroom's not that bad," Bart interjects quickly yet casually, eyes still trained to the screen in front of him.

"Y-yeah, but," she stands up from the bed, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. "I could use some ice cubes."

"If you're not back in forty minutes we'll send a search party." She resists the urge to smack the robin's head in passing, deciding instead to stealthy leave the room, conjuring up the most casual air to her step.

It all changes when she's in the hallway.

It's hard to say if nervous is the right word to describe her feelings. Her breath has picked up a small notch, and the steps she takes along the corridor are a bit unsure, but they do remain consistent; she is moving forward with this. The thing is, though, that Cassandra Sandsmark has never been exactly smooth, so it honestly beats her what is the best possible way to tell your boyfriend-that-is-not-boyfriend that you have ditched your friends to see him for a bit without exactly sounding desperate. Cause that she knows she isn't. Even if she actually chose her clothes carefully and tried to put a bit of make up on and definitely attempted to tame her curls before showing up at Wayne Manor today - that doesn't have to mean she's desperate.

Right?

No, of course not. Which is why she also can't just ask the guy to show up and meet her. It has to be a bit more casual than that, more natural - like yes she wants to see him but also no, she wouldn't just impose herself on him. Plus, Cissie always said you had to let boys believe they were the ones constantly scheming, that they were the ones in control. So he should believe he wanted her. She turns down another random corridor, her head too occupied in its thoughts to properly identify it. Maybe casually show up somewhere he could be? Pass by, expect him to notice her? Then maybe he'd think he is luring her away and--

Oh, who's she kidding - this is ridiculous.

Jason is not some boy, and they're not playing any kind of games with each other; they promised that much, for crying out loud! She is being not just desperate but also a freaking idiot for having left her friends when at no point there was any indication that the guy who isn't even her boyfriend, by the way, wanted to be with her now besides the flirty remarks that, frankly, she couldn't even guarantee were all that because she is the most incompetent flirt who's ever been on this Earth. And that's definitely counting Bart. And Tim. Hera, her aunt Aphrodite is probably ashamed.

And if that weren't enough, now she's Hermes knows where in freaking Wayne Manor, with no idea where Tim's room is, feeling too mortified and embarrassed to let her friends know. Which of course just means she's gonna have to keep wandering along the hallways, hoping that--

"Hey, Goldie." She barely manages to stop herself before awkwardly bumping into something that is very much not a wall. "Come here often?"

Hera, if you can hear her, please don't let Kon be monitoring her heartbeat right now. Because right there, in all his handsome glory, stands Jason Todd and, honestly, his smirk is doing things to her. Things as in almost sending her into cardiac arrest because she was very much caught off guard, or completely knocking the breath out of her. Oh, and let's not forget the already getting old leaving her totally speechless kind of thing. So yes, Cassie is not alright and therefore does not need her friends to be aware of such thing at any point soon. What she does need, however, is to say something, because as attractive as the man's smile is, there's only so much he'll make it last before surely look at her gaping self weird. So she takes a breath and-

"Hey," is the only thing she manages to croak out. Literally, the only one before her mind goes completely blank once again. Talk about appealing and attractive, huh? And here she'd thought her texts had been a failure.

Surprisingly though, either due to an altered state of mind, or because he got some kind of kick of seeing her struggle with the most basic functions, Jason does not leave or even look displeased. Instead, he reduces even further the distance between them, one of his hands coming to rest against the wall next to her head with an air of casualness that Cassie wouldn't have been able to emulate even in her best days. Heat creeps up her ears.

"Hey," he repeats, as if she hadn't made a fool of herself. "Looking for something?"

You. All my life, maybe, somehow.

"Uhm. Maybe?" Okay. Alright, that wasn't that bad, right? Could've been much worse, really.

He seems to think something similar, if the smirk turning wider on his lips is anything to go by. Lips that she could've sworn she was not staring at, honestly, but by Hera, now that she's looking into his eyes again, is he... Is he closer?

"Did you find it?" No, yeah, she's definitely trapped against the wall now, suffocating warmth spreading all over her face and heart hammering against her ribcage so bad it almost hurts. And yet she can't find it in her to move an inch; on the contrary, there's definitely a part of her that wants the distance between them to be even smaller. Or not to exist at all, that works too.

"M-maybe..." Her voice is barely over a whisper, and it's a pathetic display of self control, but honestly right now Cassie's only thoughts are about how she's sure she can feel Jason's fingertips almost brushing at her waist and Holy Hera why won't he just grab her already?

"Cool." His voice is low, the vibrations of it crashing against the skin on her neck, mixing with his breath and sending a pleasurable shiver down her spine. Her eyes flutter, and she almost unconsciously tilts her head to the side, inviting him to go ahead and kiss her, nibble, mark her.

... Okay, maybe that was a bit too much. Maybe she actually is a bit desperate. Especially considering they're in the middle of a hallway in freaking Batman's house and anyone could walk past any minute and this could be so embarrassing and why can't she find it in her to care about any of that right now?

Fingers brush gently against her knuckles, and it's only then that she notices not only how tight they were closed, but also how they were somehow gripping almost viciously at Jason's shirt. Oh Hera.

Her fist unclenches immediately, as if she had been holding something hot, yet as she brings her hand to cradle it at her chest she's well aware that she is the one burning in embarrassment. Even without any way to see herself, Cassie just knows that her whole face is crimson red, and her heart is again beating furiously, drumming deafeningly in her ears (or had it never actually stopped?) Her breath also feels a bit ragged, but shamefully enough she can't exactly tell from what that comes.

"S-sorry, I..." She closes her eyes for a second, swallowing and taking a deep breath to kind of put herself together because, honestly, she doubts she's helping her case and making a good impression right now.

But surprising her yet again, Jason does not make fun of her obvious eagerness, nor does he push her away. Instead, he gently looks for her restrained hand and just takes it, holding it for barely a second before softly lace their fingers together. It does not help her sudden inability to think clearly, let alone talk. Things don't necessarily improve when he presses that hand against the wall - some of her thoughts do seem to return, but not exactly the ones she could voice in some random hallway.

"So, what's your alibi? How much time you have?"

"Uh... Ice cubes," she replies after a second, closing her eyes to try and clear her head a bit - those of the Red Hood were not to be underestimated. Thugs really don't know how lucky they are not to have to see them each night. Or maybe she is the lucky one, despite her obvious helplessness? "Tim said half an hour. Before they send the search party." He snorts.

"That little shit." Cassie blinks a couple of times, brow furrowed ever so slightly in confusion - how was that a problem? Isn't half an hour plenty of time? What are they doing anyways?

Jason looks back at her, a slightly mischievous smile on his face and it's only then that she realizes she said that last bit out loud and Hera when will she be able to stop blushing and embarrassing herself?

"Well, it's a lot less fun if I tell you," he says, leaning over to, in her humble opinion, very seductively brush the tip of his nose along her neck. For a second, she's actually worried her knees will buckle. "Come with me?" And of course, what's she gonna do but nod, compliant and utterly freaking weak.

Shameful.

To say that she knows or registers where he's taking her or the halls and rooms they pass would be a big fat lie because, to be fair, there's very little that she can think of when Jason holds her hand, or when he pulls her close against him in a turn. Which, yes, it's silly and there's no way in hell she's ever confessing to anyone how much of a teen she felt like doing this. But she does. And she chuckles, because at least to herself she can admit how much she likes this guy. And that's a lot.

"Nice to see you're in a good mood," he mentions, coming to a slow stop in front of a set of wide wooden doors. The demigoddess manages to get a good hold of herself to offer a small shrug, her hand gently tugging at his (despite her being the one to step closer.)

"How could I not? Good things are happening." His smile, though it looks much like his usual cocky smirk, has a certain softness to it this time, she thinks, and it makes warmth bloom on her chest. Hera, she really wants to kiss him.

But before she can even try to do anything, he turns to open one of the doors and silently guide her into probably one of the most magnificent rooms she's ever seen - the library.

"And this is just getting started, Goldie."

Jason had definitely told her about this particular room at the Manor, even with a bit more detail than Tim ever had - it was just plain easy to tell who spent the most time here. Neither of them had been shy in commenting the dimensions of the place or the overall poshness of it, yet whatever mental image she'd previously held of it did not do it justice.

The place was just massive - several tall wooden bookshelves were meticulously placed in the space, all of them filled to the brim with books of every size and dimension, with different spines showing a wide array of colors and materials. There was a reading section, properly equipped with tables, lamps, notebooks and what looked like very sturdy, very comfortable chairs, as well as a... Cozier section, furnished with a couple of armchairs, a love seat, some fluffy-looking pillows and an enormous beanbag with a mess of blankets on it. Cassie knew immediately whose spot that was.

"Make yourself comfortable," Jason says behind her, hand ghosting over her lower back. "I'll go pick up what I wanna show you." And with that she's left standing in front of the furniture, willpower focused on not turning around to see where the guy was going.

Her feet move cautiously towards the love seat, floor barely creaking below her steps. The cushions are just as silent and about the softest, mushiest she's ever sat on. In fact, right away Cassie all but sinks into it, finding it softer and far more comfortable than any mattress she's ever slept on. Out of habit more than anything else, she grabs one of the smaller pillows and puts it on her lap, fingers gently playing with the nice, velvet fabric; it takes her a double take to notice she's drawing hearts. Weak.

"I see you've wisely avoided Timmy's favourite seat." She turns around after a little jump, chuckle easily escaping her lips.

"Well, I've heard it's no good to disrupt a bird's nest." They both lean against the back of the couch - Jason resting his forearms on it, a small smile showing; he gives her chin a quick yet gentle touch.

"Smart girl."

Cassie almost expected him to jump over the back of the love seat to sit on it - it was the kind of thing she was used to, after all, with Kon and Bart. However, he calmly walks around it and takes his place next to her like a civilized person. It's not something she should find herself swooning over, really, but alas, here she is. At least she does manage to not snuggle up against him despite her first instinct which, hey, see? Not desperate.

She gives him a smile, wide and warm, yet slightly timid. He returns it, and though there is no shyness in his, there's again that hint of softness in it, a tiny purse of lips as if he were about to say something, as if he wanted to let some words out. But instead, she finds that they come from his eyes, that it's his gaze that speaks volumes, except she's not versed well enough to understand it. Her head tilts, just barely.

"What?" It's a whisper, gentle so as not to disturb the atmosphere, not to break the spell that's set in the room between them. Yet, it seems that's loud enough to snap him out of his daydream, and he shakes his head making that lovely white streak of hair dangle for a second; she glances at it.

"Nothing. - got something for you," he adds quickly, straightening up a little. She mirrors him, intrigued, yet finding it hard to look anywhere away from his eyes, which is why it isn't until he looks down that she follows his gaze and sees what he's handing her; she gasps, quietly.

In his hands, there is a breathtaking book. Its cover is a rich, dark blue embellished with small, beautiful stars of what seems like actual gold blooming from the spine all across to the other side. In the middle, the bottom half of what she can only imagine is a gorgeous woman wrapped in a chiton interrupts the starry scene. There are silver letters spelling the title over it, and she doesn't even notice her fingers are tracing them until she spots them. A bit embarrassed, she retracts, but Jason presses the book swiftly in her direction.

"I know you're really into history," he starts, and maybe if she weren't so enraptured by the volume now in her hands, she'd notice he isn't exactly looking at her. Not like before. "And myths. And that Greek makes up for... A big part of you." They both chuckle, and Cassie lets her index move along the lines of the garment in the cover. "So - women of ancient Greece, their forgotten stories, their relevance..." He trails off and she looks up, a wide grin on her lips.

"This sounds... Amazing. I had never heard of this book. I'm- wow. Wow, this..." Eloquent as always, huh?

"You should have it. Read it." The guy gives the cover a small tap, and she giggles. Ridiculous. "I think you're gonna like it."

"Like it? Jay, I already adore it, I--" she shakes her head, hands carefully caressing the spine of the volume. "It sounds so good, like... They just literally found everything I like and compiled it all together!" A laugh escapes her mouth, and she misses the way his lips twitch, his head tilt. "I'm gonna start it right away and... Hera, I mean, this goes without saying but I'm gonna take extremely good care of it, okay, nothing will happen to it," she says, solemnly, hugging the copy tight. "And I'm sorry, I'll just right off apologize in advance because I'm sure I'm going to ramble about this to you so much and I genuinely can't wait to--" but the words, the idea dies on lips that aren't even her own. They're thinner and a bit more chapped and hot.

It's kind of a paradox, how Jason kisses. It's urgent yet slow, deliberate but careless, in a way. It's rough and exciting, but at the same time gentle and comfortable. It's unique, just like the man himself is, and soon enough Cassie is perfectly lost in feelings and sensations, her previous speech forgotten in favor of basking in touches, grips and caresses. She can feel his fingers tangling on the mess of curls at her nape, just as her hand takes a fistful of his shirt to pull him closer again and... Wasn't she holding a book just now?

But the thought is wiped away when Jason's fingertips dig into the flesh of her waist, and his lips suck a delightful trail along her jaw. If she didn't know any better, she'd find something almost territorial in the gesture. But she's too busy focusing on keeping herself quiet to dwell on the idea too much, and her head still cocks to the side either way, baring her neck even if his mouth chooses to go a bit further up. A shiver travels down her spine as his breath tickles her earlobe.

"You look really pretty when you're excited, you knew that?" In normal circumstances, she probably would've blushed. Now, however, a hum is the only form of acknowledgement she provides, hands tugging him closer with just a bit of super strength. Not that he resists too much, really.

Their lips clash together once again and it feels good, and she really tries hard not to vocalize that in any way because that would sound a bit desperate, right? And yeah, like - okay, she is kinda wishing he'll kiss her deeper, especially when both his hands press against the low of her back. But it's not like she can just go ahead and say it. She gently parts her lips instead, reaching out to cup his cheek, his neck, kinda wishing he'd get her hint. And Hera, he does.

His grip tightens a bit, just enough for her back to naturally arch towards him and elicit the faintest sigh from her lips when she feels his broad chest against herself. She doesn't consider this to be too bad of a thing, if the speeding up of their kiss is anything to go by.

She does however feel his hands splaying out further up her back but... More towards its sides? And there's now a sudden loss where the warmth of his body used to be just now, and a part of Cassie wants to protest at this new development, but then there's more pressure against his mouth and it's nice, but... How is that even happening? And her brow goes ahead and furrows a little in confusion, until there's a brush of velvet against her arm and oh, she's leaning back. She's leaning back and he's right on her and Hera she should not, they should not be doing this in the Wayne's library. 

Which is actually a valid thought, and something the young heroine could try and voice out, but the rational side of her brain is barely operative at best by the time her back lands against the cushions, and it just shuts down completely when Jason's lips start moving towards her throat. Guy's too good of a kisser, to the point of unfairness, really, and she wants to kind of tease him about it, playfully try and banter about him having too much power, but totally unexpectedly (though in retrospective maybe she should have expected it) he manages to find that sweet spot below her ear where jaw and neck converge and the only sound she manages is a breathless gasp.

There's a fraction of a second in which everything is quiet, as if paused, and Cassie can hear her accelerated heart hitting her rib cage arrhythmically as she fruitlessly tries and processes what just happened, tries to keep still and clear the sudden fog in her head. But then there's a gentle, tentative suck on that very same spot and there's just heat and her fingers dig against Jason's neck all but imploring him to repeat the action and suddenly it's like time has been resumed to its normal speed.

Her head tilts to the side to give his mouth free reign while one of her hands tangles in his dark locks as a means to provide just the smallest directions that, fairly speaking, he doesn't even need because he's easily turning her into goo by himself just fine. So her other hand moves to grab his shoulder, to caress his back and keep him grounded against her while her leg unconsciously moves to try wrap around one of his and they really shouldn't be doing this in the Wayne's library.

And maybe some deity from above seems to agree with that annoying part of Cassie's consciousness, for before she miserably fails to bite back a whimper, there's a loud buzzing sound. By her ear, she could've sworn Jason lets out something akin a growl and it should've not set her stomach on fire.

"Yours or mine?" He asks a bit husky and that really isn't much better. She stares at him half a second, trying to remember how does one even talk.

"Neither," is what she ends up managing to breath out, immediately cupping his face and bringing him in for a kiss. He doesn't actually protest.

She ends up finding out that sucking onto Jason's upper lip makes his grip on her tighten in that deliciously nice way that, she muses, could only feel better were his fingers directly against her skin instead of over annoying fabric, but she forces herself not to dwell too much on the thought, for it is definitely not the best moment to do so. Though being fair, it's not like she can focus on something even remotely rational - right now, the only thing she can feel is Jason Todd and you know what? She actually does not mind one bit. Not when she can feel the whole of him envelop her, when he can so easily raise goosebumps and warmth in her like it's no big deal, when he somehow knows exactly which patch of skin to graze his teeth against, when he doesn't manage to fully hold in the groans that she--

Buzz.

Buzz.

Buzz.

She knows it's hers by the way it annoyingly drills at her side, and she doubts there has been any other time in which she's been so tempted to just throw her phone across the city. In fact, she kinda even considers it right before the weight previously pinning her down lifts. It feels disappointing.

"Go ahead," Jason mumbles, and she should actually give him credit for even mustering a smile, no matter how little.

"I'm sorry, I..." She shakes her head as she sits up, picking up the device in the process. Though she can't quite bring herself to look at him in the eye just yet, she does find some comfort in him not moving away and staying sat right beside her still.

Tim's name is the one flashing on her screen, for the first time tonight, and she can't repress her annoyed huff. Better be something important.

» if you're done sucking my brother's face, kon's asking about u

» ABORT » ABORT » HE'S MENTIONED JAY TOO CAREFULLY

Oh, come on.

She's about to hit the reply button when another text buzzes through.

» get back here unless you want to deal with him there

She really wants to shove the stupid thing away. And maybe punch Conner. Actually scratch that maybe, she does - how come she doesn't have to worry about her mother throwing a fit but she has to deal with him? How's that fair, after everything!?

Gentle fingers bring her back to reality, her shoulders slumping as she leans into the touch almost automatically.

"Want me to walk you back?" She sighs, scrunching her nose a little.

"I don't wanna further... Ruin your night with a stupid argument." His snort actually makes her smile, even if weakly.

"As if Superkid had that power." But his expression softens, and he brushes a rebel curl behind her ear. "Come on, I know a shortcut to get to Timbo's room."

And, just as expected, Jason does not lie and she makes it to the family wing basically in record time. Which, in her opinion, is already reason enough to spend a few extra minutes with the guy; most importantly to voice out the thoughts that were nagging on the back of her mind as they walked through the halls.

"Hope this wasn't... Too bad of an interruption of your night." Her tone is shy but sincere, and the amusement on Jason's expression is far too gentle to bother her.

"Goldie, no offense, but if I hadn't wanted you to find me, you wouldn't have." And that... Makes a lot of sense for a bat, now that she thinks about it. But it also means that... "I'm glad you swung by to say hi." Her cheeks redden.

"Well. It was my pleasure." Way too literally, at that. Something that he seems to pick up on, for he smirks.

"Oh, mine as well." And though the kiss that punctuates the statement is nothing less than amazing, Cassie can't help but feel is a bit too short and just a further reason why making the last couple of turns up to Tim's bedroom seem harder.

But she manages, and when she opens the door she can immediately see Robin's posture drop in relief. Ridiculous.

"We were about to send a search party for you." Conner is the first to speak, his blue eyes dancing between her and the screen in front, where they're still playing Mario Kart. She pretends to believe his joking tone.

"It's a big house. I took a wrong turn once."

"Oh, bad choices, who'd have thought?" That part is muttered, but even without superhearing Cassie manages to catch it. She frowns, but his friend is conveniently not looking at her. Coward. "Where's your glass?"

"Why would I want to litter Tim's room, more than it already is?" The aforementioned boy protests, though it could've also been at Bart sabotaging his race. "Just drank my water, had my ice cubes, left the glass there and came back."

Her tone is sharper, an attempt to just cut the stupid conversation there because, honestly, she's not in the mood for this. She even starts walking towards the bed with every intention of just lying there until morning when she sees, in the corner of her eye, the kryptionian's gaze falling to the book she's carefully carrying on one hand. Shit, right!

"Oh, by the way Tim," she starts, doing her best to sound nonchalant. "Found the library on my way, hope you don't mind I went ahead and got that book you mentioned the other day." Conner frowns, dubious as he glances back at his best friend, possibly checking his reaction. Not that this is in any way a problem, for he doesn't even look away from the screen as he shrugs.

"As long as you didn't touch my stuff." Cassie allows herself to sigh in relief, internally. On the outside, though, she rolls her eyes, walking to Superboy's side.

"No, bird boy, I didn't touch your nest. But you need better organization skills."

"I have a perfectly good system going on, thank y-YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

Bart full on laughs out loud as he wins first place, shoving a handful of sweet popcorn into his mouth. Or, well, what's left of a handful after being hit by a pillow-projectile from Tim. This exchange seems to be reassuring enough for Conner, whose shoulders relax, tension leaving his face too. And though Cassie is still annoyed at his attitude and his childish ways, she can't help but smile a little and poke one of his cheeks.

"Stop being so grumpy," she jokes in a whisper, and it even seems to amuse the guy! Though she should've seen something was coming when there was no grin on his lips but a smile instead.

She didn't, though, and so she ends up yelping when he picks her up, a mix of ttk and super strength making sure she had no way to escape before he sat on the bed again, this time with Wonder Girl on his crossed legs. Before she can emit any sound of protest, the book is gone from her hands and a controller is pressed onto them instead, a new game loading on the screen.

"You're good in Rainbow Road, right?" His arms wrap loosely around her waist, his chin resting on her left shoulder.

"Kinda decent, yeah, but--"

"Kick Bart's ass for me? I've been humiliated one too many times." She snorts.

"You do know no one beats Bart, right?" In cue, the youngest member of their group lets out his take at a villainous laugh. On her ear, Conner groans.

"Fine, Tim then. Please?"

Truth is, Cassie doesn't really want to play, she wasn't thinking of it. Her plan was to lie in bed, get started on the book, and possibly go back to texting Jason with updates on it if he was still in the mood to talk to her. But seeing as there was no easy way to get out of there (and quite literally at that,) she gives up and lets out a big, exaggerated sigh.

"Alright, fine. But if I win you owe me." The only answer she gets is a peck on her cheek before the weight of Conner's head sets back on her shoulder, but it seems enough to alleviate the previously building tension and allow them to resume what this was suppose to be from the start - just a chill night in.

Besides, later, when she's back in her own room and a folded piece of paper falls down from the tenth chapter in the book, Cassie's definitely gonna be glad she didn't risk the note getting lost somewhere in Tim's bedroom. Worse, somewhere near Kon.

(This, however, did not cancel out the annoyance she felt when his friend grunted that *she needs a new perfume* after taking a breath near her neck.)

[aliceaddellheidde]

Fatum

A/N: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club  Lucky in love. March 15 - In The Cards.

WORDS: 1458

WARNINGS: talking about sex

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes x reader (eventually) {Soulmates AU}

DISCLAIMERS: Endgame happened, but only Thanos and his peasants died. English isn´t my first language so sorry for mistakes.

Moi, Rai and Parca are genderless & are using they/their pronouns.

This is soulmates au. When you get tattoo, your soulmate gets it as well on same spot. It glows when you touch.

This is multi-chapter story. 9/19

I took a bath with robo fishes (cuz I'm 5 😅) and got ideas 🤯

Pic from here (I had to 🤤)

Divider by @rainbowkisses31

Bucky had no idea why you screamed at him. Why were you angry? He did nothing. He wasn't happy you were dating Declan, but he was sure it wasn't his fault that your date went bad. He could hear you crying in your bedroom but was afraid to go there. What he would say to you anyway?

He was waiting for his bacon to be done when smiling Sam ran to him. „Look Buck, look!” He turned around and Bucky just now realized he didn't have a t-shirt. Then small white tattoo caught his eyes. „You got yourself a tattoo?” „No man, it appeared during night! Here, take a pic of it so I can send it on soulmates page.” „Take a what?” Sam gave him his phone. „Press that white button and take nice picture. C'mon man, it's not that hard.” Bucky rolled his eyes. „Fine, I'll do it but don't call me Buck. Only Steve can do it.” „Yeah, yeah. Hurry up.” Bucky clumsily took pic. Sam said his thanks and ran to his bedroom.

Bucky turned to his breakfast in the pan only to be interrupted by Steve and Natasha. Both laughing and clinging to each other. He tried to ignore them. „Good morning Buck.” said Steve, making coffee. „Hi.” he mumbled. „Do you know why was Sam so happy?” „He found out he has a soulmate. Got a tattoo.” Steve stopped in midway of mixing his coffee and looked at his friend. „Really? That's great! How does it look like?” „Bird.” „Like a falcon?” Natasha asked. „Don´t know. Don’t care.” Bucky took his plate and cup and walked away from the kissing couple. Before he walked into his room he saw Y/N going out of her room. She looked tired, oversize t-shirt on, pale face and unkempt hair. He wanted to hug her, but she totally surprised him when she said good morning to him with small smile as she was passing him. „Hi.” he replied. He watched her until she turned behind the corner.

After your breakfast you changed and ran to Sam´s room when he screamed. „What's the problem?” He hugged you and turned around with you. „Absolutely nothing. I just have a date with my soulmate!” You were watching him in shock. „How?” „It happened last night.” „Can I see it?” He lifted his t-shirt and turned his back to you. „It´s beautiful.” „I know, right? Now I have to get ready.” „I'm leaving anyway.” „Going to make things right with Declan?” You blushed. „Maybe.” „Good luck.” „You too.”

It took you fifteen minutes to get into cafe where Declan was waiting for you with two coffees. You said awkward hellos and sat down. „I'm glad you said yes to meeting me.” „Sure.” „Look, I know that our last date wasn't good and I´m sorry I made you feel guilty. But I have my fair share on that night too.” „Because you … .” „Yeah.” You nodded. „It happens sometimes.” „I know. Mine was from different reason.” He pulled out his phone and showed you picture of beautiful butterfly tattoo. „You found your soulmate?” You felt small pang of jealousy. „Uhhm.” His face was red now. „Actually it happened when we had sex. That's why I … you know. It was shock for my body. When you left I went to shower and found it.” „That's amazing.” You smiled through pain. „Do you know who they are?” „No. I uploaded it only this morning. No answer yet.” In that moment his phone vibrated. He read the message and his expression changed. „Her name is Vanessa.” he said to you with beaming smile. „Is it ok with you if I write to her now?” „Go ahead.” He quickly wrote something and then turned his attention back to you. „And what about you?” „What about me?” „Did you speak to Bucky?” „No. Nobody knows what happened.” „What if he's the one you are looking for?” „I doubt it.” „Why?” „I got my memories about him back thanks to you and our accident.” „Wau! It´s good, isn´t it?” „Kinda. We were not that good friends. Mostly pulled pranks on each other.” „But you have to feel something more for him when our sex brought memories back.” „Even if, it can´t work.” „Why?” „Because he's idiot! Always in my face, thinking he's batter than me, showing off his skills and other stuff. He makes me so angry sometimes.” „My mom would sit you in same room until you would figure it out. You should try it.” „Not gonna happen.” „I forgot how stubborn you are.” You both laughed. „We almost kissed twice.” you whispered. „And my besties think we would be nice couple.” Declan finished his coffee and looked you in the eyes. „And you still underestimate it? You are crazy.” „I don’t think he wants someone like me anyway.” „Just don’t be surprised if one day you both will have same tattoo.” he smirked. „I have to go now. I´m happy you let me explain that night to you. At least we know it wasn't our fault.” „Yop. Good to know.” „Oh, I almost forgot. Got your coat.” „Thanks.” You said your goodbyes and you went back home with smile on your face.

You knocked on Bucky's door. He opened after moment. „Can I come in?” you asked nervously. „Sure.” He let you in and you sat on his bed. „What's up?” „I want to apologize to you. I shouldn’t scream at you last night. You did nothing wrong.” „I knew it. Did Declan something to you?” „No. But something happened and I have my memories about you back.” You smiled at him. „Really? That's great!” He was more excited than you expected. „I'm sorry it took my so long.” „Don´t worry doll. It´s not important now.” He hugged you and lightly kissed top of your head. You didn't even noticed. „Does it mean I can pull pranks at you again?” „Don´t you dare!” You pushed him away. „Be ready. We are starting tomorrow!” „Fuck you Borky!” You left his bedroom, laughing. „I would rather fuck you doll.” he said to himself.

Steve was cooking lunch while Bucky was on his laptop. „Sam called. He will come with his girlfriend for dinner. I hope you will be in better mood.” „I'm great Steven.” he said sarcastically. „Y/N has finally back all memories about me.” „I told you Buck.” „Yeah, yeah.” „At least now you can be happy. Declan wasn't her soulmate after all.” „How do you know?” Bucky turned his head so fast his neck cracked. Steve laughed too much for his friend liking. „I told him.” said Natasha when she walked in the kitchen. „Of course.” Bucky rolled his eyes. Girls tell each other everything. „It´s your time to find someone old man. Only you, Bruce and Y/N are still single.” „What do you expect of me? To go to tattoo salon right now?” „Yes!” „Not a chance!” „Oh Bucky, don’t you want it?” He was quiet for a minute. „I don’t know for sure. Who would like to be with someone like me?” „Everybody has a soulmate. I feel yours will show in near future.” spoke Wanda as she came with Vision and you. „What are you now? Prophet?” He was a bit harsher then he wanted to be. „Sorry Wan.” She nodded and sat next to her boyfriend. You sat next to Bucky, but he was deep in his thoughts. Why did Wanda say it? Does she really know something? Is he ready to let someone in his life? What if his soulmate will not accept him?

After lunch you stopped him before he could disappear into his room and gave him plastic box. „Have fun.” you smiled. He opened it and found few robo fishes he gave you when you were sad to bath with. He had no idea why you did it, but he felt warm feeling in chest from it.

You all were nicely dressed, sitting in living room. Sam walked out of elevator hand in hand with beautiful woman. He smiled at her and they both walked up to you. „I wanna introduce you my soulmate, Aderyn.” She looked nervous. You introduced first and others followed you. During dinner you found out she's zoo worker with birds of prey. „No surprise your tattoo is a falcon.” Steve smirked. You were having great time and was happy that Bucky seemed relaxed.

But as soon as Aderyn left Steve and others couldn’t stop talking about their soulmates so you and him rather ran away. You said good night to him and after long two months you fell asleep with head full of Bucky.

Next chapter 18.3.2021

What was I listening to while writing this chapter 🤣 (not in English)

[imlostinsantacarla]

How Jacob will react if he will realise his loved Renemonster was bisexual?

heya hun, thanks so much for requesting this! again, i wouldn’t have been able to put this out without the help of my beta reader: @roslaeahle​ she helped me with a lot of grammar stuff and also helped me with fixing and adding a lot of good lines in, so this piece wouldn’t be like this without her wonderful help! - admin kat 🌙❣

»»————-　♡　————-««

How Jacob reacts to Renesme being Bisexual:

- First and foremost, I have the need to fix the mess that smeyer created and I’m declaring from the beginning that Jacob Black is like Renesme’s older brother/protector and she’s actually going to be an established teenager/adult when she starts dating other people and comes out to Jacob because I’m not writing anything different.

- I think that half of Jake already knew that she was bisexual, but there’s another half of him that’s just so surprised because of how casually she comes out to him.

- Like they’re sitting in the woods one morning and she just spits it out. He turns his head in her direction so fast it almost pops off, and she’s already looking at him with the most candid panic and fear in her eyes because his opinion and acceptance means the most to her.

- The fact that there’s even an inkling of a chance that he could reject her crushes her heart in ways that no one else would ever understand. His acceptance will make or break her, more than her own parents opinions ever could.

- The look on Renesmee’s face mixed with her crying and shaking like a total mess crumples his heart so ferociously he’s already squashed her into a bear hug.

- He’s smoothing out her hair and just muttering how he’s so proud of her and he’s so honored that she was comfortable enough in telling him and including him in this part of her life.

- Because Jacob’s the purest ball of sunshine and love is love, and he doesn’t care if Renesmee is attracted to boys or girls or both because that’s a part of her and he can’t ever picture himself rejecting her over such a silly, inconsequential thing.

- And we all know that mama bear Bella would kick his ass to hell and back if he didn’t accept her baby girl.

- There’s just no way in hell that Jake’s going to view Renesmee (someone he thinks of as his little sister) any different just because of who she loves. She is literally his best friend and he wants her to be happy and treated with the utmost respect, and he’s damn well gonna make sure that she’s a happy chick, you know?

- But we all know that Eggwart and Alice totally spilled the beans to the rest of the family because those two can’t keep a secret when it comes to our playful little spawn of Bella.

- It doesn’t stop him from returning to the Cullen’s crying his eyes out. Edward is snickering his head off and Bella is left to try and calm down her best pal.

- “Why are you crying? You already knew.” Bella would hum, rubbing his trunk-like arms.

- “I-I kn-know-w-w,” he’d hiccup. Bella’s melting because this is the Jake she wants to be a part of her daughter’s life.

- Every year when it comes to the anniversary of Renesme’s Coming Out Day, Emmett, Bella and Alice, a long with Jasper  (The Sibling Crackhead Trio featuring Yeehaw Hale) spend the whole day reenacting Jacob crying his eyes out like the big ball of mush he is.  As the years go on, Jacob considers ripping them limbg from limb every time the family erupts in laughter at his expense.

- But back to the point…

- Afterwards, Jacob somehow becomes even more protective of Renesmee because he just knows the cruelty and lack of acceptance the world can dish out but like…

- “Jacob, Renesme can literally snap four semi-trucks and yeet them to Mars in two seconds tops… so homophobes? They aren’t gonna stand a chance against our demon baby.” Emmett would state nonchalantly.

- “tHAtS MY DAUGHTER YOU FU-” Bella would scream.

- Not gonna lie, he’s going to panic a lot because Nessy is like his little sister and just like Edgeward, he doesn’t think anyone is good enough to even breathe the same air as her.

- Low key will point at every person around her age and ask if she thinks they’re hot or not. She dies every damn time he does it because Emmett joins in, which makes Jasper and Alice join in… Before you know it, it’s become a family affair and Renesme is dying of mortifying embarrassment every time they go out.

- You bet that Jacob crashes her dates when she begins dating. Edward doesn’t even have time to pay him for it, because he’s running after her once she leaves.

- Jacob ends up learning the hard way (because Bella, Rosalie and Leah all handed him a fresh hot can of whoop ass) that he needs to let her breathe and explore her sexuality and just date?

- And it’s so hard for him just because he doesn’t want her heart broken but unfortunately that’s kinda how you learn in life.

- Besides, Resume is tight as shit. You think Bella would raise a wimp? She not only has a mother who was born to be a vampire but an uncle called Emmett who yeets boulders for a damn living? You’d think Jake would get the message already.

- Jacob totally buys Renesmee her first bi pride flag and she’s sobbing because it’s her actual eighteenth birthday and she can’t believe he did this for her.

- Now it’s Jake’s turn to calm her down.

- He takes her to her first pride parade and he’s so overwhelmed with happiness because she’s making new friends and has this whole community that is so open and loving.

- please i’m actually sobbing now.

- He’s going to seem intimidating when Renesmee brings her boyfriend or girlfriend to meet the family.

- “I swear to God, if you break her heart I’ll make sure you have nightmares for the rest of your damn life.” Jacob would spit lowly, only for Esme to jab him in the ribs.

- And he’s there for her during her first break up, hugging her and wiping away her tears. He will always be there for her, picking up the pieces and helping her get back together. He fuels her with more strength and assures her the right person is out there.

- I think Jacob’s definitely gonna step in when Alice wants to set Renesmee up on dates and Edward’s literally gonna have a nervous breakdown because you remember the last time Alice had a fun idea? Bella got smooshed.

- But I seriously see Renesmee ending up with a girl, and it doesn’t surprise Jacob in the slightest.

- He ends up being the best man at the wedding and he’s crying again and you bet that Emmett, Bella and Alice (featuring Jasper Yeehaw Hale) are crying in laughter imitating him.

- But it’s a happy moment because Charlie is there, and Renee, the Denali’s, everyone who stood as a witness beside her and her family when she was younger… just the whole family.

- It’s a messy journey but honestly? Jacob is the biggest ray of sunshine the whole time even when he oversteps his mark, he always corrects himself and does the best he can for his Nessie.

- And that’s that on that.

»»————-　♡　————-««

again, crediting my beta reader: @roslaeahle 💕

»»————-　♡　————-««

if you enjoyed this please like, reblog and follow for more!

[hallofwisps]

Muse

Dennor Week Day 3: I chose today for my Free Day

Highschool/Human au, Nyotalia

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122461/chapters/58214002

Mette tapped her pencil, staring at her sketch. There was something off but she couldn't quite place it. Pursing her lips, she looked up again to get a better look at her muse, only to flush darkly. Agnete was looking at her with a raised brow from the desk diagonal from her own. Mette averted her eyes, staring down at her drawing. She was embarrassed at being caught staring and she only hoped Agnete hadn't seen who she was drawing. Of course, that was only wishful thinking because as soon as the bell rang Agnete turned around to lean over the paper curiously. Mette tried to cover it but didn't seem to do it in time.

Agnete's face turned a slight pink and she stood. "Your art is good… Do you take commissions?" Her voice was soft but fairly deep. Mette gaped a bit in surprise, it wasn't often that she ever got to hear the other girl speak in class and it took her a moment to respond.

"Uh- yes! I do, um," Mette got up quickly, gathering her things as she spoke, "I do take commissions- if you're interested, I have an Instagram."

Agnete nodded, waiting for Mette to start heading towards the classroom door. "What is it?" She asked, taking out her phone. Mette told her the username, taking out her own phone to follow back. Agnete smiled softly, moving as if to brush hair behind her ear but it was the shaved section. It must've been an old habit. "I'll message you what I have in mind later."

They turned their opposite ways in the hall to go to their next classes. It took everything in Mette to not bounce and cheer. Not only did the cute punk girl like her art, and was interested in commissioning, but she also didn't embarrass her over the drawing. She was still blushing in excitement as she sat down for her next class, excitedly bouncing. With a sigh, Berwald, her friend next to her asked, "She looked at you?"

"And spoke to me!" Mette exclaimed, turning to grab his arm. "She asked for my Instagram- and she's going to commission me! I've never been so excited."

"Now you can talk to her… Instead of staring."

"Oh, like you're any better! You get a crush on someone and all you can do is 'hmm'. We both need to work on our flirting skills." Berwald glared at her but reluctantly shrugged in agreement. They both had trouble with crushes, but Mette was better at talking to people in general.

Mette anxiously tugged on a short curl, thinking over how she acted. She was definitely too excited and surprised that Agnete didn't freak out when she caught her drawing her. It was pretty weird to draw someone she had never actually spoken to and to become infatuated in the first place. But she just thought she was cool! The piercings, but minimal makeup and tattoos, event the aloof look she usually had. She would've been intimidated by her, but when Agnete spoke she sounded shy, rather than apathetic. As an artist, someone like Agnete intrigued and endeared her. Mette was pulled from her thoughts by feeling her phone buzz against her thigh. It was in the middle of partner work, so she could get away with checking it by claiming to be looking up something. With that in mind, she typed in her passcode.

And just as she suspected, it was an Instagram direct message from Agnete. Mette wasn't completely creepy, so she hadn't even looked at her account yet. 

'I read over your commission post. I think mine might be a bit different than you're used to'

Mette tilted her head but typed back a fast response.

'that's fine! We can discuss it and go over prices, ideas and such'

'i want your help coming up with an album cover'

Her eyes widened and she couldn't hold back a grin. She had no idea Agnete played music and an album cover sounded like an exciting project.

'i am totally down to help you! I can listen to some of your music, and you can send me albums from other artists and bands you like for inspiration!

We can even discuss ideas and samples in person.'

'samples? You don't have to go through all of that…'

'i want to!'

'maybe I could come over then and we can talk in person'

Mette had to cover her mouth at this point. Agnete had just asked to come over to her house. She took a deep breath to calm herself before replying.

'totally fine with that! how does tmw after school sound? I walk home.'

'i can do that. see you in class tmw (:'

"Berwald, she's coming to my house tomorrow and she sent me a smiley face, what does this mean?"

"She's nice..?"

*** 

Agnete had smiled softly and greeted Mette quietly when she entered their shared class, and Mette almost fell from her chair. She grinned, waving a bit and saying, "Hey! Still meeting at the bike path?"

"Yes, if that is okay."

"Totally, yeah!" Mette hummed, now looking back to her work. The class seemed to speed by, and throughout it, she would exchange looks with Agnete. Nothing anybody normal would note since they never even lasted a second. But Agnete had the prettiest indigo eyes, accentuated by her black eyeliner, and Mette wanted to explore them for hours. She took this time to finish her drawing from yesterday, it was only semi-realism but she still wanted to get the details of her nose and lip rings. The bell rang and she tapped Agnete's shoulder. "Here. Since you caught me drawing you without asking."

Agnete's pale skin heated up as she took the drawing. "Thank you… I like it a lot."

Mette wished she had any other classes with her, or at least some in the hall so they could walk together. She really wanted to get to know her and hoped they would talk about more than the commission after school. The rest of her classes seemed to drag on and she constantly caught herself checking the clock every couple of minutes. Her heart seemed to jump when the last bell, rushing to grab her backpack and go out the side door of the school. She waved and spoke to several friends and acquaintances on the way out but didn't linger as long as she usually did to goof off. She held back a skip in her walk when she saw Agnete was already waiting by the fence for her, fiddling with her phone.

"Agnete!" She looked up and gave a two-fingered salute. Mette waved excitedly and jogged the last few yards to her. "Ready to go?"

Agnete nodded and picked up her bag, waiting for Mette to lead the way.

"I'm excited to work on this, I had no idea you did music. Not that we've ever talked before, but you seem to have a pretty big following. What instruments do you play? I should've kept up with my cello," Mette spoke fairly quickly, looking at Agnete with wide eyes. Agnete glanced away, turning pink.

"You talk a lot…" Mette bit her lip, shrugging awkwardly in response and shoving her hands in her hoodie pocket. Agnete gently bumped her shoulder with her own. "It's kinda cute… I play bass, guitar, ukulele, and I'm learning piano still. What kind of music do you like?"

Mette seemed to light up in relief, freckled cheeks red from the compliment. "Oh, I like almost anything! I have a playlist for so many genres. I think heavy, heavy, metal and country and the only two I barely graze. But my favorite genres are definitely soft rock and bedroom pop."

"Varied, huh? I like that stuff too." 

"What genre do you play?"

"Pop punk, and Indie occasionally. I guess you could call some of my stuff bedroom pop…"

"I can't wait to hear it! I'm honestly relieved you didn't think I was totally weird for staring at you and stuff…"

"You're still plenty weird…" She smirked. "But I was relieved that you were simply drawing me and not weirded out by me…"

"Of course I'm weirded out! A cute girl like you wanting to commission me, in person? With such an exciting project. Totally weird." Mette's heart fluttered, watching as Agnete covered her mouth with her hand, stifling a laugh. When she finished, she asked, "Anyway… When did you start art?"

"Ever since I could hold a pencil!" She paused. "But I started taking it seriously when I was hitting my preteen years…" They had been walking for about ten minutes, now in front of Mette's house. She opened the door, dramatically gestured for Agnete to enter. She rolled her eyes and stepped through.

"No parents?"

"They're at work, right now. But they said it was okay if you came over, so we can settle in the living room. Hungry? Thirsty?" Agnete shook her head and sat on the couch. Mette sat next to her, pulling out her sketchbook. "Alright, then tell me about your music and ideas, and play some!"

"These songs are a bit different than what I usually write, so I'm hoping for something a bit out of my style too… It's more soft and emotional than my other stuff," Agnete admitted quietly. She handed her headphones to Mette to use, starting to play her music. Still holding her phone, she pulled up photos of other people's albums to explain what she liked about them. Mette listened closely to the lyrics, stunned into silence. Agnete shifted anxiously, not looking at her and chewing her lip. Only bits and pieces of the songs were played for her, enough to get the idea, most of them were sad or about going through the motions, but the last one seemed to be about awakening and knowing yourself. 

"Is that all of the ones you wanted me to hear? They're lovely, Agnete!" Mette said, handing the headphones back. 

"I started writing the last one yesterday, um…" She blushed. "You can read it if you'd like…" Mette nodded eagerly, waiting for her to open her teal journal. As she read over it, her heart sped up. These lyrics were much more hopeful than the last, they were still a bit doubtful but with hints of hope mixed in. But it was the lines about a girl with bright eyes and a brighter smile. It couldn't be her, right? Maybe Agnete already had a friend or lover to feel hopeful and inspired by. That was fine. It didn't mean Mette couldn't be her friend too. She smiled and looked at her. "I think this is a lovely song to end on. It's really pretty so far, I can't believe you just started this yesterday."

Agnete rubbed the back of her and gave a coy shrug. "I assumed if you got to use me as your muse that one time, then I could use you as mine…"

Mette gaped. "You mean-"

"Don't let it go to your head!" She gently pushed her over onto the other couch cushion. Mette laughed loudly, sitting up straight again to tell her, "I think we're going to become great friends…"

They both knew there was something else implied… And they both knew it was way too soon to fall to short infatuation and were content being just like this...

[marshmallowgoop]

On Ragyo Kiryuin

Please note: This post will contain discussions of sexual assault and abuse.

I am not good at talking about Ragyo Kiryuin.

Every time I do, I mess it up. I don’t emphasize her atrocities enough. I emphasize her atrocities too much. I cause trouble for myself and others, and I always end up feeling awful.

My recent writing on Ragyo’s character—found here and here—proved no different. The reception for the first post was so overwhelmingly negative that it spurred on my first-ever legitimate anon hate, and the second post only made things worse. Even now, my inbox is being filled with dismissive, rude, heartbreaking messages that bring me to tears, and though my therapist has told me not to say that I hate myself anymore, it’s difficult not to in situations like these. I hate that my wording was so poor and that I stated my opinion so badly that I incited all this rage and aggression in someone (or someones, a thought that scares me more than I would like to admit).

It may be a mistake to try to explain myself further. But I hurt people with what I said, and that bothers me. I hurt people because I struggle to explain my feelings on a cartoon character well, and I’m sorry. I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. I want to at least put in the effort to be kinder, more nuanced, and more sympathetic.

And maybe it’ll all blow up in my face. But I don’t want to not try.

So. Ragyo Kiryuin. Mother of Satsuki Kiryuin and Ryuko Matoi, CEO of REVOCS, and the ultimate Big Bad of Kill la Kill. Love her, hate her, or love her and hate her, she’s certainly made an impression in the anime-viewing world. And though I can’t speak for anyone else’s impression, my personal impression is... mixed.

Let’s go through this bit by bit.

A Good Villain?

Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.

And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.

And... I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.

Why Does This Matter, Goop?

I know, I know. My talking about Ragyo’s efficiency as a villain probably doesn’t seem all that relevant to the stuff that egged on an anon hate assault. But I think it’s important to mention that I do believe that Ragyo is a great, powerful villain. My previous posts were so bleak and cynical that I didn’t make this point clear. It does, in retrospect, seem as though I am crapping all over the character and subtly dissing anyone who enjoys her. I’m sorry for that, and I want to stress that that was not at all my intention.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving villains—even when they’re morally bankrupt, atrocious people like Ragyo—because loving villains, of course, doesn’t automatically mean that you excuse or endorse their actions. Villains like Ragyo also leave such a strong impression on the viewers, and personally, I’ve been so captivated by this awful woman that my first attempt at my years-in-the-making Kill la Kill fairytale AU featured about a 30,000-word backstory for her. There is a lot to respect, love, and love to hate when it comes to Ragyo and how she’s written, and I never, ever mean to discount that.

However, as with all things, it’s possible to love a piece of fiction or a character or what have you and also recognize that there are problems in the portrayal. And when it comes to Ragyo, as much as I think she’s a fantastic, engaging, terrifying villain, I do take issue with her depiction.

The Sexuality Point

I got a lot of heat for my ideas regarding Ragyo’s sexuality, and I admit: I didn’t express myself well. There was a lot more I should have said and elaborated upon. Maybe I’ll still fail spectacularly, but as I said before, I don’t want to not try.

So first, I want to take a moment to discuss intentionality. While I absolutely value Author is Dead and respect fan interpretations of any work, I also recognize that narrative decisions in fiction don’t happen in a vacuum. The fact of the matter is, Ragyo was originally designed as a father but was later changed to a mother so the relationships Ragyo shares with her daughters wouldn’t seem so “murky,” “gross,” and “perverted.”

And... that disturbs me. The idea, as I see it, is that a father abusing his daughters is, more than appropriately, disgusting, but a mother abusing her daughters is somehow less bad. In fact, writer Kazuki Nakashima outright states that he didn’t want to explore the “murkiness” of these relationships, noting that he “didn’t want to mix [that] ‘murkiness’ into the battle.” My impression—which I understand might very well be wrong—is that there’s the feeling that female-on-female abuse just isn’t as serious or life changing as male-on-female abuse. There’s the feeling that you can just not talk about how devastating this sexual assault is, and that’s totally okay, because the perpetrator is a woman.

I’ve written previously—and perhaps most overtly here—that female-on-female abuse seems to get brushed off way more than it should be. It’s cute when a girl grabs another girl’s boobs, even when that other girl is noticeably and visibly unhappy. It’s adorable when a girl forces a kiss on another girl. Charming. Sweet. If you have a problem with it, you’re a homophobe.

And I think that’s so, so damaging. I wish I had some statistics (oh anon hounding me about facts, if you’re here), but I recall reading about how this mindset—this idea that girls just can’t hurt other girls—ends up keeping wlw in abusive, toxic relationships. And that’s not even mentioning how the notion that women are harmless and can’t do damage is a totally sexist one that hurts men and other genders, too!

With Ragyo, I actually think there’s a lot of powerful potential. Kill la Kill could have shown that there’s nothing sweet or cute or charming or sexy about female-on-female abuse. It could have shown that a mother sexually abusing her daughters is just as horrific as a father sexually abusing his daughters. Both good representation and bad representation are important, and I do see the value in an evil, awful lesbian; as noted above, the idea that girls can’t hurt other girls, that wlw can’t be bad, and that only men can cause harm is a dangerous mindset to have. I think it’s important to address it, particularly in anime, which attracts younger viewers.

In the past, I argued that Kill la Kill did address it. I wrote, “These scenes [depicting Ragyo’s abuses] are full of what may be typically used as fanservice—female nudity, fondling, touching—but they’re all incredibly disturbing, uncomfortable, painful, and tragic. The series makes no joke about just how violating these instances are.” I’ve seen similar arguments made today. 

But personally, now knowing more about the creation of Ragyo and being aware of the gushy, “Wow, this is so hot!”-type comments concerning the notorious bath scene in the official Trigger Magazine, I’ve since changed my tune. I think it’s undeniable that there is some “this isn’t so bad and maybe actually kinda sexy” appeal to Ragyo’s abuses, and that’s very, very disappointing to me. 

Further, being a survivor, I also find it incredibly hurtful. I’ve been too traumatized to even date ever since what happened to me happened, and to see situations like what I went through depicted in such explicit, detailed, fanservice-y ways... it disturbs me.

I understand that my opinion isn’t going to be shared by everyone, but I’ve come to believe in a “less is more” approach when it comes to these hard, real situations. Implication arguably holds far more power. For example, in all of my college film classes, Osama left one of the strongest impressions. In it, a young girl dresses as a boy to provide for her family. She’s eventually found out when she has her first period, and she’s then married off to a much older man. The ending scene of the film depicts the man washing himself just as the girl, in disguise as a boy, had been taught to do after having sex. Unlike in Kill la Kill, you don’t see the unspeakable scene at all. You know exactly what happened with just that one shot, and that one shot has stuck with me ever since. That’s a powerful, respectful way of portraying these very real, very horrific problems.

I know I cannot speak for every survivor, but I personally disagree with the notion that fiction should not discuss these topics. In my mind, fiction absolutely should because these things are real, because they happen. There could have been so much power in Ragyo’s depiction, in Satsuki’s depiction, in Ryuko’s. But the severity of Ragyo’s abuses is brushed off, and, as I see it, fetishized. That’s what I take issue with—not that there’s a potential evil lesbian, not that there’s a depiction of a mother abusing her daughters, but how this is depicted: not respectfully.

Referring more to my troublesome posts, I also want to address my point of how girls showing affection for other girls is often portrayed negatively in Kill la Kill, which could potentially send the message, “Hey, lesbians just be evilz.” Perhaps more than anything else, this hurt my readers the most. I wasn’t very clear and didn’t speak well, and I apologize.

Maybe surprisingly, I’ve also taken issue with the argument that Ryuko kissing Nui shows that a girl having an attraction towards another girl is bad. As I saw it, the kiss was simply a shocking way of showing that Ryuko is not at all herself; someone kissing the person they hate the most says more than words ever could. The scene isn’t an attack on wlw; the protagonist and the villain in this case just so happen to both be girls.

And I still believe this rebuttal. But I also have mixed feelings, which explains my previous responses. I once more have to question intentionality: if Ryuko were a boy, as shonen heroes so often are, would this scene have happened? Would Nui have been so flirty with him? Would there have been so much screen time and detail put into the kiss? Similar to my arguments about Ragyo, could there have been a potentially much more powerful scene whose power comes from its implications, not what it actually shows?

In all my years in the Kill la Kill fandom, I’ve seen reactions to that scene that find it hot, as “proving” that Ryuko/Nui is the only canon Kill la Kill pairing, and that see it in ways that I find to be unsavory. If the goal of that kiss is to cement the fact that Ryuko isn’t herself in the most shocking way possible, I could argue that it failed for a lot of viewers. In fact, one of my more looked-at posts is about why Ryuko kisses Nui. Its execution is confusing, and yes, I do believe it could potentially send some bad messages about wlw, even if that wasn’t intended.

Which, to bring this discussion back towards Ragyo, I want to take a moment to say that bad messages can be totally unintentional. As a writer myself, I think about potential bad unintentional messages all the time. For instance, in my aforementioned fairytale AU, I had a theme going (’cause it’s a fairytale and all): a healthy, beautiful baby is good, a healthy, ugly baby is bad, and an unhealthy, beautiful baby is good. Notice how there’s only one ugly baby, and they’re bad? I realized that this could subtly say something about ugly people, and I’ve decided to make a point about a heroic character being ugly in order to send the message that anyone can be good or bad, regardless of if they’re beautiful or ugly, healthy or unhealthy.

With Ragyo (and with Nui as well), I don’t at all think the intention is to show that girls loving other girls is wrong and bad. But the depiction, to me, leaves things to be desired. A lot of it feels fetishy, and the fact that Ragyo was purposely changed to a woman for “gross” concerns also greatly irks me.

And before I try to write up a conclusion of sorts, I do want to offer this: what if Ragyo stayed a man, but he was associated with white and rainbows as Ragyo is in the final cut? It was stated at this year’s Anime Expo that director Hiroyuki Imaishi has his heroic characters in black and villainous characters in white, which could possibly send messages like Darkness Isn’t Bad and the real villains are the ones who are perverting the purity, goodness, and so on that are associated with white. In the same way, if Ragyo were a man who seemed straight but had rainbow hair, it could send the message that the real villain is the one perverting this symbol of love and acceptance.

I don’t know. Just some food for thought.

Conclusion

I am bad at talking about Ragyo. I am bad at talking about serious topics. I’m sure this post proves as much.

But I hope I’ve done a better job of explaining my point of view than I did before. But if I didn’t—which, knowing me, is likely—I just want everyone to know that I don’t think you’re a reprehensible person if you like Ragyo. I don’t think Ragyo is “too evil” to be representation. I don’t think she’s some terrible, awful character whom nobody can love. (At least, in regards to the writing. I hope there’s agreement that she’s a terrible, awful person.)

While I have problems with Ragyo’s depiction, I don’t think anyone is horrible and wrong if they don’t and resonate with it. I know I certainly like things that others find horrible and wrong, like the Ryuko/Senketsu pairing that I’ve been attacked left and right for, and I more than recognize and voice my own problems with it whilst still loving what I love (and politely disagreeing with the problems that others see that I don’t!)

I know I’m not good at this. But I hope I’ve conveyed my thoughts respectfully, and that, even if you strongly disagree, you know I welcome and am open to your thoughts and perspective, if you would like to share. That’s why I write these posts at all.

[irwinkitten]

carry on | m.c

requested: kinda? it’s part two of the bi!reader series. pairing: bi!reader x Michael notes: so this is part two to the bi!reader series. i’ve been working on this for the last two? three? weeks now. i had only intended to be like, 5k at most? maybe 6k at a push. but here we are, 30k words later. just a quick thank you to @burncrashbromance for setting this series in motion (you can find in love here.) i would also like to thank @glitterprincelu, @astroashtonio , and @hereforlukescruff for being personal cheerleaders when i needed them. (especially to allie as well who let me use her name, i love u soulmate #1) i want to also thank @hotmessmichael who kept reminding me that it wasn’t entirely shit. also shout out to @calumh-excess for being moral support through the last half of the fic and reminding me to take sanity breaks. love u rum auntie h. massive shout out to the rest of the girls in the nothin’ but love gc too ( @notoriouslyhood, @meetashthere, @valentinelrh, @softforcal) y’all have been my fucking rocks when i wanted to smack my head against heavy objects. 

warnings: angst, fluff, very slow burn.  word count: thirty fucking thousand words. with a couple of extra.  (30,125 words to be precise. 79 pages in google docs.)

---

“Y/N, you need to go, you’ve still got to get through security!” Her mum called out, wrapping her daughter in a tight hug.

It was going to be a long flight to LA, and she was nervous as anything.

“Promise us you’ll at least call whilst you’re out there? I’m going to miss hearing you strumming away.” At this, she laughed, a soft grin on her lips as she kissed her mother's cheek.

“I promise. Please don’t make me cry, I’ve still got to say goodbye to Allie.” At this, her mum chuckled before planting another kiss to her forehead before letting her go.

Y/N practically threw herself in her girlfriend’s arms, peppering her face in kisses, earning a laugh from Allie.

“Look at you, getting your shot in LA. I’m so damn proud of you.” And she knew that her girl was over the moon, but the tears shared between the two still spoke of the worries and sadness they felt at the distance that was about to come between them.

“I’ll text as often as possible babygirl, I promise.”

“Y/N!” She groaned at her name being called before leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss goodbye to her girlfriend.

“I love you Allie, don’t forget that.”

And then she was practically rushing away, carry on in one hand with her guitar slung over her shoulder, waving to her girl and her family.

---

The journey felt exhausting. When she’d left, it had been eight am. Yet as she landed, the time told her it was only ten am and she quickly realised today was going to be a very long one.

Managing to get an Uber to the hotel that was booked for her, she got her stuff checked in and sent the message to her mum and Allie that she had arrived safely in LA and that she was setting off to explore for the day.

‘Take care of yourself’ came from her mother. ‘Eat all the ice cream you can today and send me selfies.’ came from Allie.

Sending a quick message to one of the producers she was meeting with the next day to let them know she’d arrived safely, she didn’t expect an invite for lunch in LA.

‘That way you’ll know a friendly face when you come into the studio and maybe we can talk over some of the ideas you have. It’s handy to go in prepared when you’re recording.’

And that was what led her to a small cafe, sat in the sunshine with John Feldmann.

“How are you liking LA so far?” She shrugged.

“It’s more humid than back in Britain. I don’t know how my hair is going to survive a month whilst we get this done.” John laughed.

“You’ll adapt. You’ll miss this humidity back home, I can bet it.”

“Oh I know I will.”

“I’ve managed to get one of the more bigger studios, I remembered you putting that small spaces whilst recording weren’t ideal?” At this, she laughed.

“It’s because I like to move. I can’t stay still unless I’m sat at the piano, but even then I’m more than likely rocking out.” John joined in with the laughter.

“I think I’m going to like working with you. I had to rearrange a few schedules, but overall none were bothered by it. I think we gave a few people the lie-ins the desperately wanted.”

“As long as I haven’t inconvenienced anyone. I’m still amazed that it was my track that was picked. Like, there were so many that seemed to much better than mine.” She admitted softly and John smiled. He knew the team had picked right.

“You simply turned the camera on and went for it. No recording equipment, no overlays of other instruments. Just you and the guitar. And it was such a refreshing and catchy sound, how could we not pick you?” Her cheeks had gone as red as a tomato.

“Glad to understand how I got picked. Honestly, this is like, a dream. Like, I’m gonna wake up in five minutes and my girl is gonna give me a kiss good morning before she’s off to work and then I’m gonna roll out of bed to my own job.” At this, John laughed.

“It can kind of feel that way sometimes. Did you want to head to the studio today to check out what you’re working with? I know today was meant to be introductory and giving you a chance to settle, but I know that knowing where you’re going into will help.” She nodded in understanding.

“Actually, I like the idea of that.”

---

The studio had been beyond her wildest dreams. The mixing board alone was bigger than her usual recording space, so the actual studio was a dream to be in.

She had met a few other faces that were going to be helping her and she recognised what John was doing. He was helping her build connections away from making the actual music.

But she networked herself well, managed to get a few details and her new start felt promising. She’d heard bad things about LA, but she knew that she needed to experience every bit of it to get her feet stuck in.

The day had felt like a whirlwind but it meant that at nine pm, she passed out having barely crawled under the covers.

The next day, felt almost like another whirlwind. Because she was staying in LA for the month, there was more time in the studio and with other writers to perhaps add or help adjust the songs.

What had pained her was having to pick a list of songs, so she simply brought the entire book that held her life in its pages, her heart and soul falling into the lyrics. It would be easier for others to see her work, to see the highest and lowest moments of her life.

And that was terrifying as fuck.

She greeted John with ease and she had to stop herself from having a starstruck moment as she realised who she was writing with.

“This is Alex Gaskarth and Michael Clifford, guys, this is Y/N.” John introduced and she shook their hands, her brain kicking into high gear as they sat down in the various chairs, a small coffee table between them.

“Nice to meet you. Feldy hasn’t shut up about finding real raw talent for the last week and a half.” This made her laugh.

“I just play the guitar and sing. If people see it as talented then I’ll roll with it. But it was hard earned talent.” Michael chuckled as he shook her hand.

“Good, it gives me less of a job when it comes to producing. I’ll be one of the producers for your EP.” She felt her lips grow even wider.

“Nice to know I’m in safe hands then.”

“Shall we get started?” Alex indicated to the book sat on the coffee table, and it was only a moment of hesitation before she nodded her head and opened it, sharing her fears and joys with total strangers to find and create the right songs.

---

The writing session seemed to be successful.

Finding the right songs seemed to take a lot of time, going over the melodies she had in her head which might or might not work, the others pitching their own ideas into the creation.

They had at least agreed on six songs, especially with both Alex and Michael finding songs that they refused to budge on, saying that both had to make the final EP list.

John had watched in amusement as they argued their cases for their picks to go on the list until Y/N had rolled her eyes at both of them and added them to the list, making both men pause. John chuckled.

“Don’t worry about that last spot, the record company agreed to seven anyway, which means you can still record the cover.” He reassured her and she relaxed a little bit. That then sent the two men into a mode of writing a list of songs that would make a potential album if she were ever to do one.

“With so many songs, and so many ideas, you might as well use this opportunity to get a tracklist for a potential album and maybe some demo versions. If you get picked up by a record label, if you’re prepared, you’ll shoot straight to the top.” Alex explained and she nodded her head.

“We made that mistake when we signed with Capitol. We only had an EP that we’d produced ourselves, but there was no album music. It took us another six months before we got there and it was in between tours. We realised fast, that anything we wrote or created need to be noted down as possibilities.” Michael continued and she found herself amused but understood the help they were offering.

So they continued through the songs, creating the tracklist as if she were making an album as well.

Eventually, time ran out for that day and Y/N stretched the kinks from her back as they stood up and exchanged numbers.

“We should be able to get that first beat tracked, and if you’re cool with it, could I bring a couple of friends who could help us with the rhythm on the last few songs? I’ve got a good beat but Ash is the only person who will be able to translate what I’m trying to explain.”

“Wait, you’re asking me?” The question had fallen from her lips before her cheeks flushed in shock. “Wait, sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so rude---uh---the last person I tried to produce with, they just brought people in and honestly, it made me hate the song.”

Michael frowned at her words before shaking his head.

“No, no, don’t apologise. That’s why I wanted to ask your permission. You don’t just bring people in.” Her scoffed and she chuckled.

“I think I can trust you to make sure that the beats wont get lost in translation.” Almost immediately, the book was opened to a semi-fresh page, the words being written down in a margin.

The three males all laughed as she snapped the book shut.

“You’re a breath of fresh air. C’mon, I’m hungry and we need to get to know you as a person, not just this British artist who struck gold.” Alex slung an arm over her shoulder and the group left the studio.

She could feel her excitement build in her stomach in anticipation of the next four weeks.

As promised, Michael had roped in his bandmates, Calum and Ashton to help with the rhythm on a few of her songs and when Ashton managed to understand what Michael was trying to convey, she felt her heart soar as the song began to craft itself.

That was when she very quietly asked if they could re-record the song she’d lost love for.

John was immediately for it and the others couldn’t find a reason to say no, so they listened to the song.

“The tune is right, but there’s too much going on. It’s like they were trying to sabotage your work or attempt to make house music. Still figuring that out.” Ashton muttered, making her laugh .

“I think it was more sabotage than anything, but I felt that I could never release the song. They absolutely ruined the song which I loved so much and I just, didn’t know how to make it good again. But seeing you get what Michael was trying to say, I want to trust myself and my instincts and actually get across the sound I want.”

So it became another brainstorming session. Thankfully, this was a full studio day, so Ashton had her play the bare tune on the guitar, nothing else as he got a feel for the stripped back version.

Calum, as she played, plucked a few strings and suddenly this riff was born and they were all thankful that Michael had set his phone to record these sessions.

It was with relief when they’d tracked the music and Michael promised he’d work on it separately to the EP.

“Consider it a special release. It’s the one song you loved, so it gets to be a single.” He shrugged and suddenly it felt very real to her.

The time difference between her and Allie made it a pain occasionally, especially when she’d called Allie on the break they had and lost track of time to the point that one of the boys had to come out to get her, but they didn’t give her grief for it.

“It’s difficult when your loved ones are in a totally different timezone.” John had smiled after another apology fell from her lips. “We get it, so don’t fret.”

“It’s just, with this chance I’ve had, my girl went for the promotion offer they had and she managed to get it. So she wanted to call me before they headed out to celebrate.” This earned her soft smiles from the guys.

As they tracked the various parts, they began to ask Y/N questions about home which also led to questions about Allie.

“How long have you two been together?”

“We celebrate two years at the end of next month.” The grin had already worked its way onto her lips. “Doing this distance is difficult, it was bad enough when I was doing small tours as a support and she couldn’t come with me. But she’s been one of the biggest supports, even before we started dating.”

“What, so you were friends to lovers?” Alex teased and the answering grin made him laugh.

“We were. We were the real cliche couple and everyone both loved and hated us for it.” This drew laughter from the group.

“Well at least we know who to rely on for the cheesy one liners and love songs.” This earned a snort of amusement.

“Please, my love songs pale in comparison. I mean, Stella is the best love song out there.” This set the group off in laughter again as she got called up to track the guitar.

---

As the month carried on, Y/N was introduced to so many faces at various functions and small parties that the guys hosted.

They had taken her to one of the open mic nights, getting her up on the stage in front of a different crowd to see how people would react and they loved her.

Especially when Ashton streamed one of the songs on Instagram and soon her socials were gaining a lot of traction and that was when the pressure was beginning to get felt with producing the tracks.

There were both good and bad days, the good days outweighing the bad, but sometimes they used the bad days to fuel the more emotional songs and that was when things began to fall into place.

It was at the end of the month after their final day in the studio that Michael had called Y/N as she was packing.

“I know you’re probably packing up, but you’ve still got three days in LA before you fly home. The guys and I were wondering if we could have a small get together to celebrate this new born friendship in the hopes that you’ll remember us when you’re rich and famous.” This had her laughing.

“Give me a couple of hours. I’m waiting for a call from Allie. I’ll text you when I’m done, yeah?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up from the hotel.” And before she could protest, the call was cut.

When Allie called, she found herself smiling at how soft her girl looked, settled in bed with the duvet pulled around her, tired eyes lighting up.

“Hi baby.”

They talked about the last few days of the studio, as well as how Allie was settling into her newest role. She told her about the party and that it felt strange that they’d included her in their friendship group but Allie giggled.

“You’ve got friends for life in them, I can see it. I can’t wait to have you back in my arms.”

“A few more days and I’ll be home. Listen, I know it’s getting late. Get some rest baby, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good luck with work.”

“You’re too sweet. Love you.”

“Love you too, night.”

The call cut and she lay back on the bed for a moment, a wide smile on her lips before she finally sent a text to Michael.

‘Just got off the phone to Allie. Give me a bell when you get here.’

It was easy to find some of the nicer clothes she had for get togethers, but she knew it was going to be more relaxed. So she kept it easy with black skinny jeans and a floral print dress shirt.

Keeping it simple with her hair down and light make-up, when Michael sent her the text  to say he’d arrived, she was ready to go. Making sure she had her keycard and phone, she headed down and found Michael’s car easily.

The drive to his place had been filled with easy chatter. They talked about the chances of radio play and touring.

“To have my own tour would be the goal, but I know I need to start off as a support. Build up the fanbase and get people excited for my music before doing something like that.” Michael laughed.

“Nothing wrong with being a support. We never had the experience of being support for various acts. We got lucky with One Direction and then we were doing our own shows and having other bands support us. It was crazy.” This had made the both them them laugh as he pulled up to his place.

“I remember. I’ve been a fan of the band for a long time.” She teased him with a laugh. “Although I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.”

“I don’t know whether to be amused or offended.” His lips turned into a pout as they entered his place and heads turned to greet the newcomer.

“Y/N! Nice to see you finally made it. Why is Mike pouting?”

“Because I said that I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.” She deadpanned before grinning.

“Ouch. You wound us all.” Ashton clutched at his heart, making her laugh as she accepted a beer from Calum and sat down.

“Have you heard his heavenly voice? Please. I would die every night on the tour listening to him sing.”

“You’re digging the knife in here, you’ve literally got at least three other bands sat with you and you’re talking about Harry Styles.” She laughed loudly.

“C’mon, I know y’all play his album. You can’t deny the truth.”

They laughed as the conversation settled into talks of the future for the bands and the shows coming up, as well as the finished music.

“What about you, Y/N?” Her reverie broke as she looked up at Alex’s question.

“Sorry, I missed what you asked.”

“What are your plans for the future career wise?”

“Hopefully get this EP out, maybe get some bookings. I’m gonna have to do a lot of gigging to keep up my end of the rent till the EP gets released and just hope that I get picked up for a couple of tours.”

“Allie holds the nine to five job then?” Luke queried and she nodded.

“She got lucky with the company she’s with. She’s done nothing but thrive, whereas I was barely struggling through each day at my old job. This came at the right time for me, and I’m a big believer in fate.” They lifted their beers in response to that.

“Well, that’s what we also wanted you around for.” Luke began, sharing a glance with his bandmates.

“We want you to join us for the entirety of the world tour.” Michael finished and she felt her jaw drop as her mind worked out the dates and the countries.

“Holy shit, are you serious?” She sucked in a sharp breath, placing the bottle down as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Are you really fucking serious?” This earned her a few chuckles.

“Absolutely. We managed to convince our management that you’d be a good opener for the tour. And we even gave them a firm reason why you’d be a good fit for the tour.” Michael continued the explanation before tapping away at his phone.

Suddenly, familiar guitar notes began playing through the speakers and a wave of emotion flooded her, tears falling as the song she had long hated, began to play and she felt her heart swell.

“Well done, you made her cry.” John joked as she hastily wiped at the tears as the song finished and she laughed.

“You helped bring life back into a song I thought I was going to hate forever. You don’t know how much this means to me.” She finally got out and Michael beamed.

“We played it to our management and they absolutely loved it. There’s an official offer coming your way, but we wanted to be the first ones to actually ask and then congratulate you.”

“How can I say no? Oh my god you assholes!” This set off more laughter as they lifted their bottles.

“To the best fuckin’ tour and the next number one artist.” Michael chimed and she could feel her face flush at his words.

“To Y/N!” Everyone else responded and she laughed as she took a swig of beer with them, realising how fast everything was going to change now.

---

When the official offer came through the next morning, she called up Michael and just let out a shriek of excitement before he’d even greeted her.

This led him to laughing as she tried to get her words out, but only could make incoherent noises over the phone.

“That offer is a fucking dream! Michael what the hell did you four do to convince them?” Her brain and mouth had finally connected, the stunned shock wearing off as excitement began to build .

“We didn’t do anything! And good morning to you too, sunshine.” She could hear the yawn and glanced at the time.

“It’s ten am, Michael.”

“I know. In my time, that makes it like, seven am.” He muttered and she laughed.

“I have so many questions about touring though, and what I should pack. Fuck, this is going to be nine months and I’ve only toured for two weeks at most. I haven’t even told Allie yet, or my parents. What about-”

“Stop, please.” Michael whinged down the phone, making her pause her tirade. “Give me till lunch and we’ll bombard Ashton’s place for a group meeting so you know what to expect on tour.” She let out a shaky breath as she regained herself, stopping the flow of questions that were desperately trying to escape.

“Alright. I’ll hold off from telling them. Uh, would-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick you up. Just be ready by one.” She let out a noise of relief and Michael laughed.

“Thank you Mike, see you in a few hours.” The call was cut and her eyes returned to the contract, her eyes going over every last part of it as she tried to get it into her head that this was really going to happen.

“Holy fuck, they’re never gonna believe this.” She muttered to herself as she half flung herself on the bed before an excited squeal left her lips.

---

Michael was leaning against the car waiting for her and he grinned as she ran from the doors of the hotel, half flinging herself at him, arms winding around his neck. His arms wound around her waist as he pulled her tightly.

“Well that’s a greeting and a half.”

“You guys got me on a nine month fucking tour, majority of my merch profits staying with me and a fucking record deal. How?” She pulled back, her lips in the biggest grin he’d seen the entire trip.

“We just showed them you. It was all of your talent that did it. They were really impressed by your work ethic, you didn’t slack during the production of your EP and they think that you’ve got some serious potential. I swear to you, we didn’t even have any kind of say. We just told them that we wanted you on the tour with us. It was management who decided to put you with us for the entire tour. As your stuff gets out and people get to know who you are, they’re almost certain you’ll be performing at award shows.” He explained as the two of them got into his car.

“Please don’t tease.” She whispered in shock and he laughed.

“You’d deserve it. Those songs fucking rule. Have you talked a release date for the EP?”

“They wanted it released at the end of January but decided to release it in March, before we fly out. They want fans to have time to learn my stuff and really get excited. Fuck, if this goes in the direction that you’re telling me, I’m going to have some kind of heart attack.” Michael laughed.

“Simply speaking it into existence. Y/N is going to have a number one award winning single and album. She is also going to play at awards shows and get nominations for awards. Best newcomer definitely.” His voice grew louder and she laughed, tears in her eyes.

“That’s the dream right there.”

“It’s gonna happen.” He smirked at her before pulling into Ashton’s drive.

“Please, when you guys release your album, mine will pale in comparison.” This had the two of them grinning as they entered the house.

Despite the drive having quietened her initial excitement, she couldn’t stop herself when she spotted the guys and gave them the same reaction that Michael had received.

This earned laughter from all of them, including Alex and John who were stood away from the group. But that didn’t stop her from giving them the same treatment.

“You guys have literally made every dream come true in the last month. I don’t know how to thank you guys for it, like, this is such an opportunity and I have so many questions about touring for so long. The longest I’ve gone on a tour is two weeks, yet this is nine months, touring the world twice. Not to mention-” Michael’s hand shot out, covering her mouth and stopping her in her tracks.

Calum snapped a photo as they laughed.

“Will you relax. You’ve got the pros of touring for long periods to help you and the old timers who have their own tricks.” Luke commented, ducking away from the punch that John sent to his arm, only to find himself in a headlock with Alex.

“Watch who you call oldtimer, kid.” They seemed to collapse into the couch in a heap and whilst they playfully wrestled about, the others egging the pair on, Michael slowly moved his hand from Y/N’s lips.

“Breathe. We’re here to help you prepare for this because we recognise that it’s a big jump from doing small tours to the longest tour of your career which goes around the world twice.” She let out a breath of air before nodding and grinning at Michael as he slung his arm across her shoulders.

“Quit playing about, we have a nervous artist who is about to get chucked in with the sharks.” He called over the noise and both Luke and Alex seemed to finally still, Luke’s head now resting in Alex’s lap, making her giggle as Calum shoved Luke’s legs off the sofa and sat down.

Once they were all seated, she went over the list of questions she’d mentally prepared and found herself tapping her fingers together, the excitement and anxiety seeming to kick in.

Part of her was dreading the prep for tour.

“Equipment. They want me to have a touring band which I have no issues with. But with the kit and stuff, I don’t know what’s going to happen there.” John smiled at that.

“They’ve already got a touring band ready for you. Most artists have their own, but the label want people who are familiar with the longer tours. What will happen with your own kit, so guitar and piano as well as any extra strings and the like, they’ll get a date set up for pick up. You just need to be ready. Keep one guitar with you at least as a just in case.” He explained and Michael nudged her, nodding to his phone that was recording.

“Okay, so something more simpler. Packing. What the fuck do I pack?”

“Don’t bother with hair products. You’ll be sharing our stylist on that. For each country, pick out several stage outfits that can get packed separately. That way they’ll be taken to the venue with everything else.” Luke explained and she found herself nodding once more.

“Pack for every kind of weather. Doesn’t matter if we’re at the start of the Australian summer, the weather can be so unpredictable. Try to pack at least three cases. One for light weight summer type clothing, one for the heavier stuff, so jeans, jackets and the like. Then one for shoes, towels and necessities. It might seem a lot now, but as you’re on the road, you realise how quick you go through things.” Ashton added on and she let out a soft ‘oh’.

“This is going to seem like a lot to begin with,” Alex started, catching her attention, “but in comparison, this is a small start to the list. You’ll most likely come home with another two suitcases, which management will probably pay for so don’t fret about having to buy one on the road. You will literally be packing up the majority of your life and putting it in a suitcase to travel with you. And that’s going to be tough to do, especially with your girl waiting at home for you.”

She could feel her heart sink a little bit. Nine months away from Allie.

“I think that’s gonna be the hardest part. How do you deal with that?” Her eyes drifted to John and Alex, and the boys didn’t take offence to the slight snub.

“It takes time and patience. There are going to be days where all you’ll get are a quick five minute call because of time difference. And it’s shit. But she can always fly out for a few days on tour, or whilst we’re over in England she can come to the shows and travel with us. It’s about compromising your time. You both have super important jobs and it just means you’ve gotta work at it.” John explained and she ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, tugging slightly.

“I’m just worried. It’ll be the longest we’ve been apart.”

“It’s tough. But she’ll stand by you. But you’ve both got to talk it out, so any frustrations. Because when that builds up, that leads to arguments and then that’s when problems start happening.” Alex chimed in and she let off a soft sigh.

“Okay, so I’m guessing that’s basics of tour, what about time off?”

—

When Y/N landed back home, she’d never felt more relief flood her than the moment her arms were wrapped around Allie tightly, her lips against hers as she savoured the sweet moment of reunion.

“Hi baby.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and she felt her insides turn to mush.

“Hi. I’ve missed you.” Allie beamed, pressing another soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips.

“Good. Your mum has already asked us to drop by for dinner tonight, so they can badger you about your time in LA. And I know you’ll be wide awake because of the time difference.” Allie teased her as they began the walk back to the car.

“Honestly, I could go on for days about how good LA was to me. Like, little old me, meeting all of the fuckin’ big wigs in the industry. I had Michael god-damn Clifford producing my EP and I formed a friendship with him? My teenage self combusted the second he shook my hand.” Allie laughed as they got her stuff into the boot of the car before they got into the car themselves.

The car journey back home from the airport was filled with Y/N prying information about their various friends whilst she’d been away as well as the promotion Allie had landed and the perks of the job.

Amidst getting the masses of washing done, and reconnecting after a month apart, it was as they lay in bed together, Allie’s finger tracing against the skin of her back that made her feel like it was a bittersweet moment.

But she couldn’t say anything just yet.

When the two had reached her mum’s place, questions came from every corner of the room it felt like, but it was when she laughed and held up her hands, she beamed at them.

“Let me tell you everything that happened. And then I have some news.”

She tried not to feel guilty at the stare that Allie gave her, recounting each moment of good, bad and downright embarrassing.

Y/N’s mum was particularly gleeful as she told them about the bigger names she’d met over there.

“My baby, all grown up with the best chance possible for her career!” This made her flush. Her mum had been one of her biggest supporters for her career choice and she could see the relief in her mum's face as she went on about the recording opportunity.

“The last day was kind of bittersweet in the studio, but the boys were so nice and even had a get together to celebrate the fact the songs were done. Michael had even fast tracked the productions of one of my very first songs.”

And she pulled her phone out, clicking play on the file that Michael had sent her a few days ago after playing it for her.

Watching the joy on her mum’s face warmed her heart, even if a few tears were shed in the process. Allie’s jaw was hanging slightly before a wide smile overtook her lips and she pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“I’m so damn proud of you.”

“That brings me to the surprise.” She murmured softly, her eyes travelling to each family member before settling on Allie.

“They want me to join them on their tour.”

“For the UK portion? Oh my god that’s amazing!” Her mum was gushing but Y/N shook her head.

“They want me on their entire tour. Around the world twice.”

No one was prepared for the scream of excitement that escaped her mum before she found herself being wrapped around by her family members. Her eyes were watching as it hit Allie and she could see the excitement die down in her girlfriends face, and she felt her heart sink.

“That’s nine months.” Allie whispered and she nodded her head, pulling free from her mum’s embrace.

“It’s going to be tough, but the guys have offered ways for us to still keep in touch. You can always fly out for long weekends and of course, we have the UK tour later in the year as well.”

“That’s going to be three quarters of the year, Y/N. It’s a lot.”

“Please, can we talk about it at home? They’ve given us options, ways to keep up with each other.” Her pleas seem to break through and Allie’s lips pushed up into a smile as she draped an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m still proud of you baby.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple and she relaxed.

“I love you.” Came the murmured response and they shared a soft, but sweet kiss before her mum started asking about the details of the tour.

—

When the New Year rolled in, the first single was released to the world and her voice was on chart shows across the world.

It took seven solid minutes for her to stop crying when the notifications came through along with the messages.

Michael had taken a short video of her song playing in the car and she felt like she couldn’t breathe for a moment because it was her song, a song she had hated so much but then fell in love with all over again. And it was being requested and played on American radios.

Allie was proud as punch.

They seemed to avoid the elephant in the room that was her leaving for tour in just over a month  and a half.

That was when she really began rehearsing, making sure the setlist was long enough for her time slot. It felt like the busiest days of her life, being shuttled to the big cities for radio interviews.

Her face seemed to be popping up everywhere and it felt like a dream when she received the news that she’d hit number one in thirteen countries.

That in itself had made her openly weep in the middle of her baking day with her mum as she got the news, her mum videoing and laughing at her reaction.

She posted it to her instagram with the caption ‘the moment you’re told that you’ve hit number one in thirteen countries and all you can do is cry in shock and joy.’ The reaction went viral.

Of course she then received the texts from the last producer, asking why he wasn’t getting a cut of the money from the track.

It was with great glee as she told him that it wasn’t his pile of shit on the radio. It was her song and no one else’s. She didn’t need to tell him that one of her favourite bands had helped record and produce the song.

When she received the pick up day for her equipment, that was when it was becoming very real. That was also when she convinced Allie to go clothes shopping with her for tour.

With the day creeping closer, she could feel the undercurrent that was restless between her and her girlfriend, but every time she tried to address it, Allie shut her down, seemingly ignoring the problem.

She spent as much of her free time with her friends, family and girlfriend until it was the night before and she was lay in bed, trembling from the fear of what the next nine months could bring.

A warm arm wrapped around her waist, a soft kiss being pressed against the back of her neck and she slowly relaxed herself. It would be fine.

“You’ve got this, baby. But you need some rest.” The soft whisper was enough of a plea for her to turn around and just allow herself to be held as she tried to relax enough so that she could get some sleep.

It didn’t work.

Saying goodbye this time was much more harder because Allie hadn’t been able to get the day off work to see her off. So it was a tearful goodbye between the two of them as they held each other in the doorway, Allie’s lips lingering a little bit longer before finally pulling away and smiling softly, despite her tears.

“You’ll be back over here soon enough. I love you my little rockstar. Go do what you’re best at.” By the time that Allie had left, she had to call her mum to pick her up.

Thankfully, her mum didn’t make any remarks on the tear tracks as they made their way to the airport. And once they’d checked in her bags, a weird sense of deja vu hit.

“Last time we stood here, I was going for a month. Now I’m going for nine.” She whispered and her mum held her tightly.

“You’re about to fly off and live your dream. I’m beyond proud of you for this, please don’t ever think otherwise. Now, you need to get going. You are not going to be leaving things last minute like last time.”

She laughed for the first time that day and it felt like a weight disappeared from her shoulders and she knew she’d be okay.

The flight wasn’t so bad.

She had a reasonable seat, and for the most of it, she slept. She knew she would probably regret it later, but at that point, she was beyond caring. She was so tired and the stress was sat on her shoulders.

She knew her equipment had arrived, she’d been sent the message from one of the tour crew who was already out there.

The next two weeks would be rehearsal with her touring band and then they were off on the first leg of the tour.

And that absolutely frightened her beyond belief.

She wasn’t expecting a welcome party at the airport, but she was amazed that fans were crowded around, calling her name out.

Security were quick to pull her back away from the chaos of arrivals and she could feel her adrenaline kicking in, her heart racing as she tried to comprehend that they were screaming her name. Hers.

“Ma’am we need to get you out of the airport as safely as possible. Do you have a ride waiting for you already?” She felt like a deer in headlights before the security officer lifted a hand, touching the earpiece sat in his ear.

“One of my colleagues has picked someone up who apparently says he’s partially to blame for the fans showing up. A Luke Hemmings?” Relief

“Yeah, I’m due to go on tour with his band in a couple of weeks, but I wasn’t expecting him to be here.” The guard laughed.

“It’s fine, but we need to get you both out safely. My colleague is bringing him through now.” And that was when she saw the blonde curls and laughed before throwing her arms around Luke’s tall frame.

He laughed as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Figured you’d appreciate a familiar face. A lot of them were waiting for you, then I only added to the madness. You gonna be alright till we get out of here?”

“Gonna have to be. Can I use you a shield?” He laughed.

“Keep your hands on my shoulders and we’ll get you through. Is someone going to follow with her luggage?” The question was directed to the guard who nodded his head.

“C’mon then princess, time to face the fans and get you out of here. We’ve all been super excited to have you back.” He beamed as they began their journey.

The screams grew louder and she found herself shying away, using Luke as a shield and smiling nervously at the few fans she could see.

Once they were out of the airport and in the car, Luke took one of her trembling hands and squeezed.

“You did the worst of it. There’ll be more of us around in a couple of weeks to keep them from getting too overwhelming.” He explained and she simply nodded.

“It’s okay, it was just, wow. That’s a lot.”

“That’s America for you.” He shot back dryly, making her laugh.

“So what hotel have they stuck you in this time?”

“Uh, I don’t know. They never sent any details about that. I’m trying not to freak out about it, but like, I haven’t got that much to cover two and a bit weeks in a hotel.” Luke groaned.

“Did you call your manager?”

“Said it was being sorted. Heard nothing since.” Luke snorted before tapping away at his phone and the music died down as the ringing began to call through.

“Hemmings, you have two weeks before you need to start incessantly calling me.” A feminine voice broke through and he laughed.

“Hello to you too Luce. However I’m not calling for me. I’ve just picked up Y/N.”

“Hi Lucy.” She piped up.

“Y/N! Keely has been trying to call you, said something about Michael stepping in and saying that he could put you up for the two weeks.” She shot Luke a look and he shrugged.

“That’s cool. He say why or am I gonna have to try and find that out for myself?” She laughed.

“Said something about one of the songs for the album and it’s easier to work at his home studio and you won’t have to worry about driving around LA.”

“Cool. Thank you for letting me know. Tell Keely I say that I’m sorry I haven’t been able to answer my phone and I’ll see her next week.”

“Will do. See you next week Luke.” The call cut and he laughed as the music began to grown in volume once more.

“So, album huh?” At this he watched as her lips turned up into the widest grin.

“Alex, John and Michael helped me pick out a tracklist for a potential album. I’ve not had much time, but if we get some demos done, I can go to the record company and they’ll be able to work with the fact that I have got music coming, so they don’t need to breathe down my neck. Alex’s idea.” Luke laughed as he pulled into a drive thru.

“Why am I not surprised. What do you want? You’ve just landed, you’ve gotta be starving.”

After picking her favourites, Luke paid at her protest and smirked.

“It’s food. Shut up and deal with the fact that we do look after our friends. Also if it bugs you that much, you can just buy me dinner whilst we’re on the road.”

“A not date, considering we’re both taken then?” She teased in returned and he grinned.

“A not-date it is. Now we know where we’re going, let's get you to Michael’s to drop your gear off. I know the guys are wanting to head out but I also know that if you’re going to try and keep up,  you’re going to want to be in something that isn’t joggers and a baggy t shirt.” She pouted at the assessment.

“I won’t try to keep up, but no, I really do not need my first official night out to be photographed and I’m in my rattiest clothing pieces.” Luke snorted as they collected their food and headed back out once more.

As they pulled into Michael’s place, Luke helped her get her cases from the boot before he was leading her into the home.

“I’ve picked up a stray!” Luke yelled, making her laugh. “She’s cute and British.” He added after a second once they’d placed her bags at the bottom of the steps.

He placed his hands on her shoulder and practically frog marched her out to the back and she didn’t even get to say ‘hi’ when she was pulled into a tight hug.

“Hi Ash.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him in return.

“Hey yourself Y/N. Welcome back to LA, knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away.” He teased, pulling away and giving her a grin. She smirked in return.

“Just couldn’t stay away from this beautiful weather. Maybe one or two people. Go by the names of Gaskarth and Feldmann.” Calum snorted as he pulled her into another tight hug.

“I’m wounded, I didn’t even make it onto your list?” He pouted at her and she snorted.

“No, but Duke did.” This set the other boys off before Michael greeted her, his hug a lot more softer than the others, but still feeling as welcoming.

“I know I should’ve told you before you left England that you were staying with me, but I’d completely forgotten till Keely called me, yelling that she couldn’t get ahold of you. By that point, you were already well into the air.” She shook her head as she accepted a beer off Calum and sat down with them, enjoying the warmth of the LA afternoon.

“It’s fine. I’m just lucky that I’d texted Luke when I left. He decided to be my welcome committee.”

“Myself and like a hundred and more fans.” He shot back with a grin.

“That was strange. Especially when they were calling my name, like that felt so surreal. I didn’t really know what to do with myself.” They descended into laughter as she finished off the food that she and Luke had picked up on the way there.

The boys were discussing the various countries and Y/N could feel herself nodding off against Calum’s shoulder, the beer and warmth not helping her jet lag at all.

“C’mon Y/N. You need to get ready if we want to be out at a reasonable time.” Luke teased and she flipped him off before sighing.

“One of you boys want to help me get the cases upstairs?” Calum pushed himself off the seat and followed after her, picking up the heaviest of the three.

“You excited?”

“Scared.” She admitted quietly as they reached the guest room that Michael had directed her to.

“Why?” Once the cases were pushed against the wall Calum pulled her to the edge of the bed, taking a seat and pulling her next to him. She didn’t fight it, her entire body still feeling exhausted.

“This is the biggest tour of my life. Probably will be the biggest tour of my entire career. Allie wouldn’t even talk to me about the fact I was leaving, and I feel so overwhelmed.” After the quiet admittance came relief that she’d gotten it off her chest.

“It’s going to terrify the fuck out of you. Playing to so many people. When you’re ready to leave tonight, just give me a heads up and we’ll go. This is a lot to deal with on your first night out in LA with us.” She snorted out a giggle, resting her head on Calum’s shoulder.

“My life is an open book for people to read. I never knew it could be this terrifying to have so many people judge you.”

“It gets easier. I’ll let you get changed and then we’ll head out.”

It took a while before she felt like she’d picked an appropriate dress. And the whistles of appreciation she received made her bashful before laughing.

“It’s a good job I’m taken. Someone snap a photo for me please.” She held her phone out, Ashton taking it off her hands and capturing a few photos.

She sent them to Allie.

‘I know it’s late for you my love, but I hope I picked something you’d like for a nightclub in LA. Speak to you tomorrow.’

They split between two ubers, Ashton and Michael piling with Y/N in one, Calum and Luke taking the other as they made their way to the club.

Unsurprisingly, they could spot the paps easily.

“Can you drop us just around that corner mate?” Ashton called over and the driver nodded. Michael shot off a text to Luke and she could feel her hands begin to tremble.

“Holy shit this is a lot.” She murmured as they left the car, keeping out of sight from the paps.

“It’s going to be a lot. Keep your eyes forward and smile, try not to hide too much, they’ll try to make up some bullshit to start rumours.” Ashton explained quietly, rubbing the top of her shoulders carefully.

When Luke and Calum arrived they finally made a decision on how to go in.

“I’ll keep ahead, Y/N, don’t fall behind because they will swarm you. You’re the freshest face in the music charts and they’re going to eat this up that you’re out clubbing with us.” It was a relief that Ashton was taking charge, but her hands still trembled as she nodded in understanding.

“No falling behind. Cool. I’m going to hide behind Cal and Luke then.” Michael laughed

“C’mon, it won’t be too bad.”

As they made their way the short distance to the club, paps calling out their names and snapping photos, she could feel herself plaster a smile on for the photos, but there was another brief thought of how rude they were being.

“Who would you date from the boys of 5SOS?”

“Are you sleeping with any of them?”

“How did you get on this tour when practically no one’s heard of you?”

By the time she was in the club with them, she wanted to go back home. But she’d promised she’d stay out for a few hours and that was what she was going to do.

When the first round of drinks came in, she didn’t argue them buying her drinks. She knew this was their way of welcoming her back into their lives properly, especially since they were about to embark on a nine month tour that went across the world twice.

She danced and sang her heart out, laughing when Ashton stumbled over his own feet and Calum had caught it all on camera, laughing as he did so.

It was when the time crept towards midnight, despite the loud music, she had her head resting against Calum’s shoulder and her eyes were half shut.

“You ready to go, doll?” She nodded her head, the exhaustion hitting her like a freight train as Calum helped her stand up and she lost her balance almost immediately, her saving grace being that Michael was stood up and caught her before she hit the floor.

“How much have you had to drink?” He called over the music, she shrugged.

“Four, maybe five? Mostly tired.” She half shouted back and he grimaced before looking over to Calum.

“Got it mate. Uber is on its way. Do you want some help?” Michael shook his head as he pulled her arm over his shoulders, tugging her to the smokers area which was more secluded and less noise.

“We need to get back through the paps, but I need you to try and stay upright and walk by yourself. Can you do that?”

Calum looked at her, his eyes watching the way as she seemed to draw in some strength from somewhere as her back straightened up and she plastered on a big, but clearly tired smile.

“Lead the way. I’m ready to crash.”

Getting through the paps was easy, even if more questions were being yelled at them both.

But the second the uber was peeling away from the frenzy they left Calum to deal with, her head was resting on Michael’s shoulder before a soft snore escaped and he laughed quietly.

Unable to help himself, he snapped a selfie of the two of them.

When the Uber pulled up to his place, it took a few tries before he managed to pick her up carefully, her head nestled against his neck as he fumbled with the key and got them in.

It took him a further twenty minutes to get her up the stairs and set her down on her bed before finally trying to wake her up.

She wasn’t amused.

“Look, all I want is to make sure you get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, and you sleeping in that dress wasn’t going to happen. You don’t need to do anything apart from get changed, that’s it.” He pleaded with her exhausted form.

“Fine.” Came the muttered response as she kicked her shoes off, standing up slowly and Michael disappeared to his own room to get changed himself.

When he returned to check up on her, he found his lips pulling back at the sight before him. She was passed out, half under the covers, hair splayed all over her pillow and a soft snore escaping once more .

He switched the light off before heading to his own bed, draining a glass of water before crashing out on his own bed, a sigh of relief escaping him as he melted into mattress.

When she woke up the next morning, a raging headache and exhaustion to boot, she tried not to think about how her stomach was rolling in ways that was sure to make her throw her guts up if she moved.

Michael had other plans apparently.

“C’mon sunshine. We’ve got breakfast and then we’re lounging in the sun whilst talking music. I’m not gonna make you work too hard after last night.” He’d stuck his head around the door and she groaned in return.

“I would call you the worst, but I feel like I drank too much last night.” She grumbled before pulling herself from her covers.

She made it two steps before she had to pause, the nausea hitting her hard and Michael snickered.

“I’ll be downstairs. The shower is easy to work, even in your state.” She flipped him off with her eyes shut, making him laugh as he disappeared downstairs.

It took her another five minutes to move again, and despite the way her stomach was rolling inside of her, the hot water did wonders for the headache that had formed.

Once she was changed into a clean shirt that didn’t reek of booze and some sleep shorts, the warm sunshine making it an easy choice for her, she headed downstairs.

“Looking worse for wear today then, Y/N.” A familiar voice greeted and she flipped Alex off before heading into the kitchen to find a plate of cooked food waiting or her. Grabbing a glass and filing it with water before picking up the plate, she followed the voices back into the living room.

“We not sitting outside?”

“I figured to give your eyes a bit of a break.” Michael smirked and she rolled them in response.

“Any glaring articles about the state I was in last night?” Alex grimaced.

“A couple. Of course there was the standard one about you possibly sleeping with Michael or Calum. They then corrected themselves when someone pointed out you were in a relationship with a woman.” This made her groan before she slumped over on the cushions.

“This is gonna be my life now, isn’t it?”

“Price you pay for dreams.” Alex teased and she groaned.

“Please, never quote your own song back at me. Ever.” Both he and Michael laughed before Michal pulled out his phone, clicking play on the audio file he pulled up.

The riff that came through his phone sounded good to her ears as she slowly ate her breakfast, mulling over the various songs that would possibly work with the tempo of the tune.

“I got this down the other day when we’d discussed the last few songs of the potential tracklist. I don’t think it’d work well on most of the songs, but the last two have potential for it, what do you think?”

She mulled it over as he played it again, her mind bringing up the familiar lyrics, humming them along softly.

“The last one would definitely work. Upbeat sound to maudlin lyrics.”

“Considering that’s your style. You do remember that you’ve got an EP being released in like, two days, right?” Alex prompted and it made her pause before she swore.

“I’d actually forgotten. Fuck.” This made all of them laugh as she slumped down onto the couch, throwing her arms over her face.

“I hate you all. At least they’re not making me do any promo before tour.” She muttered and Michael laughed.

“No, that’s gonna happen on the first round of the world tour. And then again on the second leg, but with us promoting as well.”

“Fuck.” She whined softly.

“C’mon, you’re finally getting music out and people will be able to sing along!” Alex encouraged her and she let out a deep breath of air before nodding her head.

“That is true. Plus it means the fans will be able to sing the lyrics if they actually like my music.”

“Number one, just watch.” Michael smirked and she rolled her eyes as they returned the the songs in front of them.

—

Meeting her touring band was nerve wrecking. It was the first official rehearsal with her apart of the group.

She greeted her guitarist, Ellie with a relieved smile when she practically pulled her into the room and introduced her to the other two.

Sat behind the drums, tightening the snare up, was Rich who gave her a soft smile as he shook her hand warmly.

Tuning the bass up was Cara, her own lips twisted into a brief smile before she returned her attention to the instrument in her hands.

“When they told us we’d be doing a nine month tour for a new artist, we were slightly skeptical. But knowing that it’s you, and the tour we’re going on, it’s actually really exciting.”

“Christ Ellie, let the girl actually set up. The record company sent through the transcripts of the songs, so we’ve been rehearsing them for the last two weeks. We’re hoping that now you’re here and settled, we can get the full sound of them.” Rich broke in and she nodded, a bright grin crossing her lips.

“There’s only one song on the setlist that I don’t need you guys for, so it’ll give you a chance to get a drink and stuff whilst we’re up on stage. Are we doing a few songs each day or trying to get as many as possible in the next two weeks?

Cara laughed.

“We’re looking to get the songs right so we’re going over two different songs every day this week, then next week it’ll be run throughs of the setlist. Don’t fret rockstar, we’re here to help you.” Cara’s words made her cheeks grow warm as she laughed.

“Thanks. It’s just-”

“Surreal? Yeah, we guessed it would be. That’s why we’re trying to make this as smooth as possible.” Ellie cut in and she could only feel a flood of relief as they began to go over the songs.

The next day, her own rehearsing went to a grinding halt as she remembered that the EP had been released and she’d forgotten about it in the rush of the rehearsals.

So instead of rehearsing, they played the EP through the speakers and she could feel her heart in her chest as each song came to life in the small rehearsal space.

What she didn’t expect was for the space to get gatecrashed by Michael and Alex.

“You’re climbing the charts!” He’d thrust his phone in her face and she watched, breathless as her EP climbed up the chart with each refresh and she could feel tears in her eyes.

“Holy shit, this is actually real. Fuck, these are my touring bandmates.” She felt the embarrassment rise as she introduced Ellie, Rich and Cara to Michael and Alex.

“I think we’re not going to get anything done. We might as well call it quits today and celebrate the release.” Rich laughed and Y/N groaned.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta celebrate this!” Alex whined and she shot him an unimpressed look in return.

“You just want an excuse to daytime drink.” She shot back and he grinned back unapologetically.

“Of course.”

It felt surreal as they packed up the equipment and hustled her out of the rehearsal space and into the passenger seat of Michael’s car. When she looked around to see where the others were, she spotted Alex talking to the other three as Michael got in on the drivers side.

Alex slid in the back moments later and then the car was off and away from the studio space.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nothing.” Came from both of them, sounding ar too innocent for the grins they were both wearing. But she didn’t argue with them as they seemed to go on a long detour. She was familiar with the route to all of their places, but as Michael turned down another street, it took her a solid moment to realise that they were rapidly approaching Ashton’s house.

As they got out of the car, she shrieked in surprise as a pair of hands covered her eyes.

“Sorry, but it’s a surprise.” Came Alex’s voice and she groaned as a pair of softer hands took hold of hers and began to guide her.

“You two are so dead.” She grumbled as she stumbled up one of the steps.

“There’s a step there Y/N.” The grin in Alex’s voice was clear.

“So so dead.”

She could hear the door open and it felt too quiet as they went a few steps further in and when Alex ripped his hands away from her eyes, she jumped.

“Surprise!” Collective yells made her heart freeze for a second before she took in the decoration.

‘Congrats on the EP release!’

And the various faces of her friends and the people she’d worked with. And the new faces of Ellie, Cara and Rich, all three wearing smug grins.

Ashton was stood off to the side slightly, his smile seemingly widest of them all.

“You assholes, oh my god.” She turned to hug Michael and Alex, making them both laugh. They returned the hugs and the sounds of her EP began filtering through the speakers, her entire body feeling like it was buzzing as she went around and began to greet the various people.

It felt semi-professional, but most of the people here were people who she’d befriended, apart from the few management executives who had congratulated her on the release.

It was later on in the afternoon, most people still hanging about, the party having spilled out to the garden to enjoy the sunshine when John came sauntering in with the laptop, a smug grin on his face.

She didn’t realise that Ashton was recording as John sat next to her.

“Take a look.” Was all he said turning the laptop to show her the screen.

Her heart and stomach dropped as she scanned the screen, feeling the overwhelming sensation bubble up as her hand went to her lips, covering her mouth.

“No fucking way!” Her voice went up an octave and John laughed.

“Number one in twenty six countries.” She was off her seat, practically bouncing.

“That’s double of what the single made!” This time she really was jumping around, her excited squeals drawing in the attention from the various people as she pulled both Michael and Alex up from their seats.

“Number fucking one in twenty six fucking countries!” This time laughter rippled at her reaction and she hugged them both tightly. “You’ve literally made my dreams come true, holy shit.”

“I told you Y/N. I spoke it into existence.” Michael shot back in a smug tone and she shoved his shoulder before she was dancing around once more, unable to help herself before throwing herself back into the seat next to John, her eyes taking in the figures once more.

“I got number one back home. Oh my god.” This time the tears were falling and John chuckled, pulling her into his side.

“You did that, kiddo. People are absolutely loving your music. If we’re not careful, you’ll be on your own world tour before long.” This made her laugh.

“Let me get through this one first!

---

The aftermath of the EP release was insane to her. She was getting more recognised on each trip out and her families reactions were beyond her wildest imaginations.

With the help of social media, she heard the clip of her mum being called by Radio 1, the host asking her about how she felt about it all.

“At first I was skeptical. My little girl off to LA by herself. But I’ve always supported her perusal of music and seeing how much it’s paid off, oh god I could cry again.” She’d felt her heart utterly melt at that.

“So you must be very proud of Y/N right now?” The host prompted and her mums laugh filtered through her ears.

“Proud as punch. My baby girl is dominating the charts and even the ladies at work are listening to her music, even when they all told me it’d be a waste of time. I felt rather smug telling them that the song they were listening to was hers.” This made the host laugh, herself included.

“Well, you keep having your proud mama moment. We’re playing your girls song right now. Here is Y/N’s latest single.”

It was a dream come true.

She’d facetimed her family back home and her heart burst when she saw Allie with them, dancing and singing along loudly as the album blasted in the background. She knew she was so so lucky to have their support and seeing that warmed her heart.

It kept her going through the rehearsals as they got through each song.

As the last day got closer and the last of their equipment was shipped out, she found herself very relieved that she had people who knew the tour life like the backs of their hands.

They’d toured together before, so they knew each other well enough, so getting to know them and their habits was going to take time for Y/N, but she settled in nicely into the group.

Her calls to Allie had been sparse and often it was Allie calling her when she woke up for work just as she was finishing up in the rehearsals.

“Do you even leave that space?” She’d teased during the first week of rehearsals.

“Till we get this right, no.” Came the sarcastic response followed by laughter.

She was understanding to the fact that she was so busy that her days meant there wasn’t much time to really call, but they continued to text daily, photos being sent to each other of what they were doing.

She was often seeing something that reminded her of Allie and sending it to her.

When it came to tour day she sent one text to Allie, despite the fact that she knew she was in a meeting.

‘Hope this doesn’t disturb your meeting, but then again you’re smart and remember to put your phone on silent. Anyway, we’ve got flights ahead of us today with some layovers so I won’t be able to text much or call you today, but I hope you have a good day and I love you.’

Michael had hustled her out of his house once they’d gotten all of their cases piled into the hired van. The other three were already in, those two being the last to get picked up. Ellie, Rich and Cara had promised to meet them at the airport.

It was early, so there weren’t many fans at the airport. There were paps, waiting for them to arrive, but that was the only commotion they had to deal with.

They met up with the other three and slowly got their stuff checked in. Whilst they were waiting, Calum had slung his arm across her shoulders as her phone went off, her lips pulling up into a big grin at the message.

‘Meeting was a bust. Could’ve had my phone and they wouldn’t have noticed. Idiots. Anyway, tell those boys to look after you, I know you’re not good on long haul flights. Have a safe journey and tell me all about it when you’ve landed and settled. Love you too, my little rockstar.’

“You can tell her we’ve got your back.” Cal murmured and she laughed, jabbing her elbow into his side playfully.

“I’ll tell her you were reading over my shoulder as well as that.” She shot back in return. He simply grinned as she tapped away at her phone before her name was called.

Once they were past security and on the plane, that was when the nerves began to set in and Calum chuckled from his spot next to her.

“I can see what Allie meant about you not doing well on long haul flights.” He teased her playfully and she scowled in return.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You’re the one sat next to me for the entire trip.”

Luke snorted from behind them.

One layover and a nap on Calum’s shoulder later, they were in Stockholm and fans were waiting for them at the airport. It was easy to navigate and once they were all piled in vans to take them to the first venue, it began to feel very real, especially with the cold weather biting into her skin, making her shrug her jacket closer.

“Told you to wear warmer clothes, Y/N.” Ashton teased as the van peeled away from the airport.

“I’ve got two jackets on and I’m still cold. Shut up.” Came the snarky reply, making the others laugh.

The journey to the hotel was long, but the van warmed up eventually and before they knew it, they’d arrived. With the cold air, it became a competition between the eight of them to get in from the cold quick enough.

It was late in the day and despite having slept on the plane, they got into their various rooms and despite the plan to head out for food, Y/N crashed out after sending a quick text to Allie.

The next morning was busy.

There were interviews scheduled for various members of the band as well as Y/N.

By the time that it got to showtime, it was a bubble of excitement that seemed to explode in jittery nerves and Ashton laughed when he stopped by her dressing room.

“C’mon you lot, you’ve got stage in half an hour.” Ashton wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the others grabbed the last few bits they needed.

“First show of tour is always stressful, but you’ve got this. Now let's go bug the rest of them. I’m pretty sure your pre-show jitters will irritate Calum or Michael. I want to make a bet on who it irritates first.”

The rest of the band laughed as they followed after the two.

It was Calum who they managed to annoy first, his body laying across her legs to stop them from bouncing up and down.

“You’re making me feel nervous and I haven’t felt nervous in years.” He grumbled as the rest of them laughed.

It settled the nerves for her as they distracted her with talk of the various interviews that were going to be coming up.

Eventually they were called to stage and the boys followed behind, watching side stage as she stepped onto the stage and the crowd began to scream.

“Lets go Stockholm!”

The adrenaline rush felt incredible as she sang and danced her way through the set, her amazement at the crowd screaming the lyrics back to her.

“You all sound so god damn beautiful. My name is Y/N and I’ll see you all next time!”

As they finished the final song and left the stage, they were all greeted with yells of excitement and hugs from the boys as they congratulated them.

“You’ve really got them going! Tonight is going to be fucking fun.” Michael was beaming at her and she grinned in response.

“I can’t fucking wait for the rest of the tour. Listen, you go get ready, I need to help pack up and I’ll be watching side stage, I promise!” He pulled her in for one more hug before he followed after the boys to get ready and she headed back onto the stage, helping the team pack away her set.

Fans screamed her name and she waved to them as she did the last few jobs, making sure that her equipment was packed and secure before throwing the setlists into the crowd and disappearing with another wave.

She felt more alive than she’d done in months and as she watched 5 Seconds of Summer take the stage for the first night of the tour, she understood how they’d managed for so long.

—

Having Allie join them for the Paris and London dates of the first part of the tour felt wonderful.

She got to introduce her to every one and spending the night with her in Paris after the show was practically a dream.

They shared soft kisses in front of the Eiffel tower, Andy catching the sweet moment between the two and it was later on the bus, wrapped around Allie as it made the journey under the chanel did they finally talk quietly, aware that Ellie, Rich and Cara were all asleep.

“It feels so nice to actually spend some time with you.” She hummed softly and Allie smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I know. The next few months are going to be long though.” She could see that saying those words pained her, but Y/N pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder.

“They are. But this is going to be worth it for both of us, I promise.”

“Oh don’t I know it, number one in twenty six different countries.” Allie hummed in return, laughing as she ducked her face away in embarrassment.

“Are you leaving straight after the show tomorrow?” The shy question made Allie pause, her eyes searching her girlfriends face at the question before shaking her head.

“No. You have me tomorrow night too.”

“Good.” Allie chuckled softly.

“Get some rest, you’ve got interviews tomorrow and you need to look your best.” Allie hummed softly, her fingers tracing down the her spine. The yawn that escaped Y/N’s mouth made Allie grin as she settled down.

“Fine. Love you.” It wasn’t much later till she’d fallen asleep and a sigh escaped from Allie.

“Love you too.”

London was busy from the minute they got off the bus. Allie travelled with her to the radio stations in London that she had interviews with and they spent a night in the hotel before she caught the early train back home and Y/N was on a flight back to America, her heart feeling the heaviness of leaving her once more.

“It’ll get easier, I promise.” Luke nudged her shoulder and she gave him a relieved smile as the plane took off.

She wanted to believe Luke’s words, but part of her was worried and stressed over how long she’d be gone. It was going to be the longest without seeing Allie and it frightened her to an extent.

But she knew that she could trust that with the help of technology, speaking to her and facetiming her would make it more bearable at least so it wasn’t just her counting down the days till she was home once more.

The next few days were busy and long. Interviews in each new city before playing a show and then straight on the bus to the next place.

When they arrived in New York, Michael pulled her out of her funk.

“C’mon. You’re coming with us to the interview and then we are going to ditch those three loser and spend the day in New York City.” She barely had time to grab a coat and her backpack as he pulled her from the bus.

She shot off a quick text to Cara.

‘Apparently I’ve been kidnapped by a crazy person named Michael. Should be back to get a decent amount of sleep tonight, don’t worry if i’m not. Enjoy NYC.’

It was whilst she was sat in the car with the boys that she got a text back.

‘Have fun and if u don’t visit the statue i will be very disappointed in ur lack of tourist excitement’

It was fun to watch them get interviewed, and even though the interviewer had pointed her out, in an attempt to coax her into answering a few questions, she smiled and shook her head.

By the time the group were done with the interviews, Michael all but dragged her from the building and they got into a separate car and it felt good to have the distraction as they finally exited the car and began to wander the streets of New York together.

“Part of me feels like I need to be singing ‘Welcome to New York’ or maybe even ‘New York, New York’. And I’m not sure people will really enjoy my awful Frank Sinatra impression.” Michael laughed as they ventured through the various stores that lined the streets.

“I’m almost certain if you did a cover of New York, New York, it would still be amazing. And knowing you, you’d put your own spin on it and people would be falling in love with you left, right and centre.” The playful tease made her giggle as they found themselves in a thrift store, holding up the various items of clothing against each other to see if it would suit the other.

It certainly made the hole in her heart feel easier to deal with as she giggled at the silly hats they put on with the outrageous jackets that they found.

A few finds that were good, they purchased and eventually after raiding almost every rack, they left the store and her mood was swinging up as they continued their exploration of New York City.

It wasn’t difficult to visit the Statue of Liberty. There were a few fans about who were polite enough to the both of them and as they continued throughout the day, meeting fans here and there before heading back to the busses, when she checked her phone, she saw a text from Allie waiting for her.

‘Just saw a photo of you in New York, hope you’re enjoying yourself love, I know I would be.’

‘Still missing you, love. But distraction makes it easier I guess. I hope you’re having a good day.’

When they reached a small pizzeria, the debated on a large slice or a whole pizza to take back.

“I say get a couple of pizzas. They’ll appreciate the food and less likely to be annoyed with the fact we ditched them all for the entire day.” She’d remarked casually and Michael nodded, relaying the order for the two pizzas to go.

When they returned to the busses, they were met with raised eyebrows until they both held up the pizza boxes.

‘Pizza party on the 5sos bus.’ She’d sent the text to her touring bandmates and within five minutes they were climbing onto their bus.

“We heard there was pizza?” Ellie called as they stepped on. Calum laughed before motioning to the two large pizzas sat between the five of them.

“Join in. Looks like it’s a party night tonight then.” This made them all laugh as they cracked out a game of Cards Against Humanity and Y/N very quickly realised that touring with all these wonderful people was certainly the best thing to help distract from a missing piece in her chest.

---

Halfway through the tour, she was excited because Allie was joining the tour for a couple of days. It annoyed her to no end that she couldn’t get more time off, but she’d take two days over nothing.

The only problem was that her flight landed whilst she was performing. Michael had offered to go and pick her up from the airport, but Allie had declined and so it left her frustrated and somewhat annoyed. But she’d get to see her girl.

The boys were half way through their set when she turned up with only a backpack over her shoulders and Y/N couldn’t help herself as she wrapped her arms around Allie, her lips meeting her girlfriends.

“Holy shit I’ve missed you.” She murmured and Allie hummed in response.

“Missed you too.”

They enjoyed the set together, Allie standing a bit further away than Y/N would’ve liked but she knew that Allie was never comfortable with things like this. The show ended and she pulled her backstage, giving the boys a chance to finish their encore as the two of them lounged quietly in the greenroom.

But this silence, whereas before it was always comfortable, she could notice that something had changed, but didn’t dare comment on it.

When the guys came in from the stage, they greeted Allie enthusiastically and talked about maybe going out for a late dinner followed by a few drinks. She was enthusiastic, Allie less so as she half -heartedly agreed to join.

The journey to the hotel was filled with scattered chatter, mostly the boys asking Allie about what she did and if this was the only time she’d get off.

Y/N should’ve realised when she didn’t outright answer, something was wrong.

Once they were in the hotel room, before she could do or say anything, Allie held her hands up.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Y/N’s entire body froze as she felt her heart crack.

“What---what do you mean?” Allie grimaced before sighing.

“I met someone else. It’s not fair on you to keep it up when I don’t love you anymore.” There was the shatter as she sucked in a deep breath.

“Get out.”

“Please, Y/N, I just didn’t want to lie to---”

“I said get out.” The last word rose an octave and the tears were burning in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” The door clicked shut and once it shut, she could feel her heart shatter with a resounding crash as tears fell and a sob broke through.

‘I’ve just seen Allie leaving, you okay?’ The text came through as she allowed herself to collapse on the bed, sobs tearing from her throat as she tried to focus on something other than the pain in her chest.

But she couldn’t. Nothing had given away that this was coming. They’d been together for nearly three years and this was what was left to show for it.

It took a while before she heard frantic knocking and for a second, she almost deluded herself into believing that Allie was coming back, that she was apologising, that she was joking.

But the second the door opened and she and saw Michael’s concerned face, reality hit her hard and she found herself being bundled into his arms as another sob tore from her.

He pulled her into the room, shutting the door tightly before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Y/N, what happened?”

“She---she left---said---didn’t---love---found---someone---” She couldn’t get her words around her tears and sobs and Michael’s heart shattered for her.

“Lie down, let me text the boys to say that we’re not going out tonight.” She curled on her side almost immediately, her fingers pressing against her chest, almost wishing it would ease the pain she was in.

It didn’t.

Michael sent the text off to the boys, hoping they would understand that she couldn’t go out, not like this.

Thankfully, they were understanding and promised to come back with ice cream for her and something to eat later. Michael climbed in behind her, his arms wrapping around her as she turned and pressed her face against his chest, the sobs slowing down as his fingers ran through her hair slowly.

“It hurts so much.” She finally whispered. He could only hold her tighter in response.

“It’s going to. But it’ll get easier. They boys promised to bring you some food and ice cream. Do you think you’d be up for that?”

She wasn’t sure she could answer. Part of her wanted the company, part of her wanted to wallow in the heartbreak that her chest was feeling.

“Just, no rom-coms. Give me comedy, hell, give me Jeff Goldblum.” Michael snickered as she settled herself closer, trying to shove the pain away for just a moment. But no matter what, it sat there, along with her tears.

“I’m sure we can do that. We’ve got time before they get here. Let it out.”

And she cried.

---

The boys understandably had given her the time to cry, and on the next night of tour when she realised the song she had to play, she felt her stomach drop as she soundchecked it, fighting the tears as her voice grew thick with emotion.

“That was her song, huh?” Ashton commented quietly and she nodded. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Try to perform it tonight. If you can’t get through it, we’ll help you pick another song.”

And so she tried.

But it was clear that she couldn’t, her voice wavering before the end and she pulled away from the mic as the crowd sang her words back to her, the pain becoming too much for a second as a few tears fell.

Once the song finished and she could stop playing for a second, she wiped her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Michael was stood side-stage, hidden as he gave her a supportive thumbs up, Ashton doing the same, both wearing encouraging smiles.

“Sorry for that guys, but it looks like you’ll be the last lot to hear that song for a while.” At the disappointed noises, she gave a tentative smile to them.

“Unfortunately, my heart got broken last night, and this song---it’s tough. Maybe one day I can sing it as an ode to you all, but today isn’t that day. On we march, however.” And the crowd understood.

They sang back to her, almost louder and when she finished her set, the pain in her chest was still there, but it wasn’t the sharp stabbing sensation. It was like an old wound had been reopened, or at least, that was what it felt like. She knew that it wouldn’t pass this easily, but she felt her heart lift with love for the fans that sang her songs back to her.

She watched the boys set from side stage like always and greeted them as they finished their encore.

Michael slung his arm across her shoulders as they headed back to the greenroom, chatting about everything and nothing as they each went to their phones.

She hadn’t had a chance to change Allie’s name in her phone yet, but seeing the name made her breath catch for just a second.

‘So you made it all about you. Of course. Good luck in any future you find, don’t contact me again.’

There was the blow she’d been waiting for, the knock out that literally took her breath away as she tried to gasp for air.

She hadn’t even registered that she was sat on the floor, being coaxed to follow someone’s instructions. Her mind couldn’t separate, but she understood the words, following the motions before the steel bands that had a vice grip on her chest loosened up to the point of being able to breathe with ease once more.

“Y/N, what happened?” Michael asked quietly.

“Look at my phone.” She whispered in return and there were muttered voices before a phone was passed to Michael and he read the notification.

She fought down the nausea and the lightheadedness, closing her eyes for a second as tears slipped out.

“What did I do wrong?” Their hearts broke for her then. They were barely three months into the nine month world tour.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. She knew what was going to happen whilst you were on tour. We all told her it was going to be tough on both of you. Either she didn’t listen or she didn’t care. But that’s not on you.”

She wanted to believe him, but the thoughts were there.

“C’mon. We’re going to help you re-do your entire setlist. Unlock your phone.” She did as she was told, her fingers hovering over the message icon.

Before she could do anything, Michael pulled her phone out of her hands, throwing it to Luke who was furthest away.

“Delete the message and number.” She watched in amazement as Luke did what was asked and showed the clear screen of her name.

“It’s a good job I actually get on with you guys.” She finally grumbled, making Michael smirk, pulling her from the floor.

“That’s why we did it. Means you can’t drunkenly text her or fool yourself. Now. Setlist.”

Y/N felt grateful that someone was taking charge and helping her. She wrapped an arm around Michael’s waist, squeezing it gently.

“Thanks Mikey.” She finally whispered and he gave her a soft smile in return.

“We have each other as a band to lean on. You have only yourself. It’s only fair that we help you through a really shitty time, especially when we’re not even halfway through the tour yet.”

The rest of the night, she stayed sober as they went out and danced, Michael having a few drinks but mostly keeping her company as she watched everyone else chatter away.

It was the start of a very long journey.

---

It wasn’t often that Y/N found herself scrolling through social media. Especially after the breakup, there were those that seemed to think that she needed to know about what Allie was doing.

She tried to ignore it most days, but it seemed that as she scrolled through the notifications, mindlessly replying to some fans on twitter, she felt her heart drop when she saw the tweet which included a photo of Allie with another woman.

She found herself studying the photo, her heart twisting as she realised it was a screenshot of her instagram.

Wiping the tears away when she realised that she’d been crying, she finally noticed the time and decided to head into the venue. There was still time before soundcheck, but part of her wanted to just play.

Grabbing her backpack, she pulled the hoodie tighter and stepped off the bus, immediately being greeted with excited yells and calls of her name.

Waving hesitantly to the few who had spotted her, she made her way over to the barriers, taking photos with the fans, pushing a smile on her face as she gave hugs and chatted about the tour.

“How are you doing on tour?”

“Doing good. My family love receiving postcards from the places we stop in. The guys think its hilarious that I do it, but it’s memories that they get to keep as well. My mum especially gets so excited each time I send her a postcard.” This earned laughter. She posted the videos that her dad sent to her of her mum reading the postcards she sent, the excitement tangible when she watches the videos.

“Do you miss home much?” Another fan asked as she posed for a selfie.

“I miss my family, yeah. England? Not really. I’m slowly finding my home in LA, it’s warm, I’ve made close friends with a lot of people and despite sticking out like a sore thumb, I feel more comfortable there than I ever did in England.”

“Is it because of Allie?” Her heart ached as she glanced at the watch on her wrist.

“Because of her I don’t miss home? No. Even when we were together, I missed her, but I didn’t miss home. I’ve gotta run for soundcheck, but I hope you guys enjoy the show tonight.” She pulled away from the group, half smiling at the disappointed noises before making her way into the venue.

Heading to the dressing room where Ellie was already set up, she picked up the acoustic as she dropped her bag down.

“I’m gonna head out and check the guitar. Mess about before we actually sound check.” Ellie nodded.

“Sure, want me to come with?” She hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah, if you want. I’m not adverse to some company right now.” Ellie picked up her phone and followed after Y/N, the two navigating the corridors with ease. They stopped by the boys dressing room.

“Heading to mess about before actually soundchecking.” Luke pushed off the seat, followed by Michael.

“Can we tag along? Before we kill Ashton and Calum.” She tossed the two a curious look, both holding innocent faces.

“Whatever you’re planning, keep me out of it and don’t even think of pulling any kind of prank on me.” She warned playfully and they both gave her matching looks of offence.

“We’ve done nothing!” Ashton called out as she pulled away from the door.

“Not yet, at least.” She called back, laughter erupting from the room before it fell quiet as Luke and Michael followed the pair.

“I’m gonna practice a cover, I probably won’t play it on tour but my hands are itching.” She explained to Ellie who chuckled.

“You been hit with inspiration to write or just play?”

“Play I think.” Came the quiet reply and Ellie nodded in understanding.

“Sometimes it’s good just to play whatever you can to feel the music.” Her arm went across Ellie’s waist for a brief moment, giving her a small squeeze.

“Thanks.”

As they reached the stage, Y/N ditched the guitar, immediately heading to the piano, making Luke laugh.

“Can we not request Wonderwall?” Came the tease as he sat next to her. She stuck her tongue out as she checked it was still tuned before finding the right key.

Ever since they’d released Youngblood, one song had stuck to her tightly and she knew that playing it would help her let it go. But this was their song.

Both Michael and Ellie were sat on the drum riser, talking quietly.

“Sorry if I butcher this.” She muttered before hitting the few chords and Luke’s face immediately recognised the song.

“I saw you looking brand new overnight, I caught you look too but you didn’t look twice. You look happy, oh, you look happy.”

It was therapeutic as she played, missing only one of the keys as she sang. What she didn’t expect was Luke to harmonise with her throughout, letting her lead the song.

As the last note echoed out, her fingers still resting on the keys, he placed a hand over hers.

“You saw, huh?” She could only nod, pressing her eyes closed for a second to stop the tears from building up.

“The song has been itching at my fingertips, but seeing that, I needed to let it out because part of me feels like my chest wants to burst.” Voicing it outloud made her shoulders release slightly, dropping down a little bit as her eyes finally opened and glanced at Luke who wore and understanding smile.

A pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders and neck, a head coming to rest on top of hers. The tattoos gave away that it was Michael.

“How do you feel after playing it?” His voice was quiet, but she could hear the understanding in his voice and it felt like her chest was on fire.

“Better. Less likely to fuck up.” This made Ellie laugh as she gently shoved Michael, his grip loosening as he dramatically stumbled away, only to stumble over one of the wrapped up chords, making the three of them laugh as he hit the stage floor.

“You guys are assholes.” He muttered as he stood up, brushing off his trousers.

“You’ve only just figured that out? Wow, we managed to hide it so well Ellie.” Her voice took on the tone of surprise and Michael snorted as she moved from the piano, plucking the guitar from the stand.

“You two want to stick around for the actual soundcheck?” Ellie asked them as she picked up the second guitar, waving briefly to Cara and Rich as they reached the backstage.

“Only if you play Wonderwall.”

“Not on your life, Hemmings.” Rich called back before reaching his drum kit which sat in front of the riser.

They stuck around for the soundcheck before heading back to get dressed for their own soundcheck.

There was a sense of freedom as they soundchecked their last song and she could feel her body dancing along with the beat of the music. This made both Cara and Ellie laugh as they finished up the song.

Cara wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You’ll be alright, I promise. Now c’mon, we need to get moving and get some food. Who fancies some lovely burgers?”

As they headed out to grab some food, Y/N found herself checking through Instagram.

As she refreshed the feed, her eyes focused on the fact that Michael had posted whilst they were soundchecking and to her shock, it was her and Luke sat at the piano.

“El, please tell me you did not encourage him to do that?” Her whine made the other three laugh, Rich patting her shoulder from his spot next to her.

“You learn fast that no one can really say no to her pout.” He teased and as if to almost prove his point, Ellie pulled a spectacular pout that made her feel bad for even making the comment.

“I didn’t have to encourage him. I was going to, but then I could see he was already posting it to Instagram. So I left it. Plus you were having a moment so I didn’t really want to ruin that.” The four of them laughed.

She clicked the unmute button, and her voice began to croon through the phone speakers.

“It’s three am and the moonlights testing me. If I can make it till dawn then it won’t be hard to see, I ain’t happy, oh. I ain’t so happy. Flashing back to New York City, changing flights so you’d stay with me. Problem was, I thought I had this right.”

She scrolled a little further as her own voice with Luke’s harmonies continued filtering through her phones speaker and she felt her heart skip a small beat at the caption from Michael.

‘The best kind of compliment for us to get is knowing our music is helping people. Seeing someone who I’ve been working with from day one, pay us this compliment in such a beautiful way means a lot to me. Especially when I watched her heart collapse. What I’m trying to say is you guys think we don’t see the covers, but we do. You pay us the best kind of compliments with them, just like Y/N has done. And I’m damn proud to be her friend and see how far she’s come since last summer. Keep going, you’re killing the game, I promise.’

She could feel the tears in her eyes as she read the caption and an arm went across her shoulder.

“Considering we’ve only known you since the start of the tour, we can’t say much about last summer. But you’re getting there and god damn you’ve got the world at your feet right now.” Rich’s words set the tears running and both Cara and Ellie laughed at her pitiful wail as she hid her face against his shoulder for a second.

“You guys have put up with my shit without any complaints. I’m sorry if I’ve been such a miserable cow.” She finally muttered and Cara giggled.

“You’re allowed to be a miserable cow. You’ve had your heart broken. But you’re trying, and all of us can see that. So don’t worry about it.” Cara reached over and wiped at her tears and Rich gave her one last squeeze before they rattled off their orders to the waitress.

When they’d eaten and headed back to the venue, she took her time and stuck her head in the boys’ dressing room. Luke and Ashton looked up from their phones.

“You looking for Mike?”

“Sorta. I was looking for you too, Luke.” He raised an eyebrow as she moved over and hugged him briefly, but tightly.

“Thanks.” His arms tightened around her marginally before letting her go and Ashton grinned at her.

“No hug for me?”

“Not today. Maybe tomorrow.” Came the playful retort and he laughed.

The door opened again and Michael stepped in followed by Calum, the two laughing at something. When they noticed that there was someone who wasn’t Luke or Ashton in the dressing room, they turned their attention and Michael gave her the biggest grin.

Without saying much, she quickly closed the distance between them and her arm wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly as his arms wound around her with ease, pulling her feet off the floor.

“Thank you.” She murmured next to his ear and pulled back slightly, placing a kiss to his cheek.

He held her for a few seconds longer before placing her down on her feet.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what did I do to deserve that?” The curiosity and amusement were clear as day to her, and she just smiled in return.

“For showing me I’m making progress,” her eyes glanced to her watch, “speaking of, I need to get changed. We’re onstage soon.” And without hesitation or a second thought, she leaned up, placing a soft kiss to his cheek and disappeared from their dressing room.

She missed how his cheeks turned pink.

---

The next month, she seemed to have had enough.

They had a couple of days off in Sydney, so after letting herself onto their bus, Y/N noticed that Luke was already up and dressed.

“Got any plans for today?” Was his greeting and she shook her head.

“I feel like I’m going insane on that bus.” She muttered and he let his hand rest over hers for a second before grinning.

“C’mon then. We’re having our not-date day.” He stood up up, heading back to the bunks for a few moments before returning with his phone and wallet, picking up the jacket that had apparently been discarded over the back of the seats.

“Wait, really?” He grinned at her in response.

“We need to cheer you up. You owe me dinner. Might as well make a day of it seeing as we don’t have anything booked in for today. Plus this is our home city. I’m pretty sure that I can survive showing you around. Did you want to grab a jacket or anything?”

She shook her head.

“It’s warm enough for me.”

“At least take a jumper, I know it’s warm enough for you, but the weather changes so fast, especially since we’re technically in our winter right now.” Luke pleaded. She hesitated for a second and he groaned before heading back through the bunks.

“Yeah, sure. Hey Y/N!” Michael shouted through as Luke came back, grinning.

“Yeah?”

“If that fucker takes you to the Harbour Bridge, I’m gonna throw him to the sharks. We’re doing that tomorrow after the interviews.” This prompted her to stare at Luke for a second before the two of them giggled.

“I’ll keep it in mind Mike.” She called back.

“Good, and look after the hoodie. I actually like that one.” He followed up with, prompting her to raise her eyebrow at Luke.

“I know you like big cosy hoodies. His are the comfiest and he knows it.” Came the easy reply and she simply laughed, accepting the offered hoodie and tying it around her waist as they left the bus once more.

There was an Uber waiting for them as they reached the side of the venue and Luke allowed her to slide in first before following after.

As the car peeled away, curiosity finally got the better of her.

“Lu, where are we going?” He grinned over at her in response.

“Royal Botanical Gardens. It’s a nice day out and also if gets us away from the mayhem of the city.”

The car ride was mostly filled with chatter of the couple of weeks they had off and what her plans were going to be.

“I’ll stay in LA, work on the album. With the success of the EP, apparently they’re excited for more stuff. So I won’t really be getting a break whilst we’re taking a break.” He laughed.

“I feel that. It sometimes feels like you’re trying to catch up with yourself when you’ve got the time off right?” She nodded at his words.

They fell into a companionable silence as the car reached the Gardens. Her breath escaped her as she looked at the sight before her. Luke allowed himself a brief moment of smugness before thanking the driver and looping his arm through hers.

“C’mon, my not-date.” This made her laugh as they entered the Gardens.

She found herself mesmerised by the sheer beauty of the place, unable to keep her eyes still for very long as they walked, eventually pulling away from Luke to get a closer look at some of the plants.

Unawares that Luke was holding up his phone towards her, taking a couple of photos, she turned her head back to him and beamed.

“This place is so beautiful.” She breathed as he moved back towards her. He could only nod in agreement as they continued their walk, her eyes still searching the vibrant colours.

“How are you doing?” Luke’s quiet voice pulled her from her thoughts and she hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’m fine, why?” Luke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Not what I meant and you know it.” They’d been walking around for just over an hour at this point. Spotting a bench, they made their way over to it and sat down, her head resting on his shoulder as they watched other people go by.

“I keep thinking she’ll come back. That she’ll apologise. And seeing that photo, I don’t know. It just, it broke me. Nearly three fucking years together.” The bitterness of her words tasted foul in her mouth.

“Feels like you’re stuck and can’t pull away?” She felt Luke rest his own head against hers and she sighed.

“I keep asking myself, what did I do wrong? Is it the timezones? Is it because I’m away? Was it someone I went out with? Is it because of the rumours? I feel like my head is dizzy and I’m just so exhausted all the time.”

“I doubt it was your fault.” He soothed her softly. She scoffed.

“It feels like it. I found out from a friend that she’s dating another lesbian and all I could think was ‘did she believe those rumours?’ and I hate it. I want to stop thinking about it.” She admitted softly.

A small breeze began to pick up, playing with the ends of their hair as they sat together, talking.

“Why would she put stock in rumours when all we ever heard about was how much you loved her?” She knew that he was curious, but the playful jab was there. It made her smile slightly.

“Because I don’t exclusively date women. I’m bi, and I keep thinking that she actually believed what’s been printed about me.”

“Then she should’ve called. Texted. Anything to give you a fucking inkling of what was going on in her head. You’ve literally had the carpet pulled from under your feet.” The indignation on your behalf made your heart swell for the man with the golden curls.

“It takes two to tango. I never called as often as I should’ve-”

“Stop right there.” He cut her off and she pressed her lips together, eyes closing as she sighed. “She’s made her bed and she’s gotta lie in it. You’re the one dealing with the aftermath of it. You’ve been so busy with this tour, anyone can see how hard you work and how exhausted you are. She knew what was coming but still didn’t make that effort. That’s on her, not you.”

They lapsed into silence once more. Then,

“Thank you, Lu. I’m sorry.” He rolled his eyes at her before finally pulling her up from the bench with him as he got up.

The breeze had picked up this time and so once on her feet, Y/N untied the hoodie from her waist, pulling it over. She realised that Luke was right and that she immediately favoured this hoodie over any previous one she owned.

She knew she practically drowned in it, the sleeves falling way past her hands and the hoodie baggier than needed, but she felt warm and it was a smell that was just entirely Michael as she pulled the front up to protect her face from the wind as it picked up.

She didn’t recognise it amidst her heartbreak, but her heart skipped a beat.

“C’mon, we have more time to kill and I’ve had enough sappy shit.” Her laughter was refreshing as the two continued their way through the gardens and found a small little cafe to grab a bite to eat.

Running into a few fans there, the two pleaded with them to wait till they were long gone before posting about where they were, if only to stop the place from getting swarmed.

They ran for the waiting uber like a couple of giggling school children, and only when they were far enough away did Luke bother to post anything.

She seemed content enough to snuggled down within Michael’s hoodie and rest her head on Luke’s shoulder as he scrolled through his phone.

“We’ve got a hotel for the next couple of nights, so you’ll have an actual bed.” He tilted his phone to show the texts and she nodded her head at that.

“Got it.”

---

A the tour progressed, people speculated about the relationship disintegration between Y/N and Allie.

But she’d put interviewers in their place when they got a bit too personal.

“It’s my business what happens in my private life. We’re not together any more, and that’s all you need to know.

But from that point, it seemed more and more fans were singing her songs back to her, and her album was back in the charts.

No one protested the setlist change. It meant a chance for her to incorporate a different cover for almost every show. It felt good to change things up and she knew that she was getting her smile back once more.

Michael had helped on that front.

Most nights, despite the separate tour busses, they’d be gaming against or with each other, depending on the game. This resulted in long nights and many nights exchanging text messages of memes from the game, especially when the other fucked up.

Some of the time, she’d stay on the bus the following day to play against Michael, but more often than not, she went off exploring with Ashton and Calum, buying and sending back postcards to her family.

As the tour progressed through America, she felt a lot more free as she sang and danced her last set in LA, knowing that in a few weeks, she’d finally be back home in England, even if it was only for two weeks.

“What are your plans?” Michael asked as they got their kits together. The last show had been played for a few weeks now and it was time to breathe.

“Not too sure. I’ve not got a place in LA yet, so I’m gonna check myself into a motel or something till we fly out to the UK.” She responded with a shrug and Michael frowned.

“You’re not staying in some grotty motel. You can stay with me till we head out to the UK.” She opened her mouth to argue and he moved his hand to cover her lips. “Don’t argue me on this one. You’re staying with me and that’s final.”

It took only thirty seconds before she finally rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Yes mother.” She snarked once his hand was removed and he got a mischievous look in his eye which set her running away from him, a yell escaping her lips as he chased after her.

“Take that back!”

“Not a chance in hell Clifford!”

And for those that had worked the tour, heard her tears, there was a bit of relief as her laughter echoed through the hallways. She was healing.

As they got back to his place, the masses of bags being dragged in between the two of them, Michael was the first to collapse on the couch and she followed shortly after, his arms wrapping around as he pulled her close, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

“C’mon, we need to go to bed.”

“But you’re comfy.”

“You need a proper bed.”

“Nope.”

“Y/N.” Michael groaned and she giggled softly pressing her face into his shoulder.

“We just got back, we need to breathe a bit, dumbass.” He laughed as he squeezed her tightly.

“Alright. But if you fall asleep, I’m not carrying you.” He warned and she shrugged, pressing herself closer as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Can’t escape from me now, Clifford.” She muttered quietly before her breathing grew slower.

Michael knew how exhausted she was, her heart still healing from the heartbreak and he knew that it was going to be tough on her. So as a soft snore escaped her lips, Michael found himself unable to even move her, his heart softening as he pulled her tight and placed a kiss to her temple.

“Like I’d even want to try.”

It was hours later when the pair woke up. Michael woke up first, his arms keeping her encased as he just enjoyed the moment of peace. Glancing at the clock, the numbers read that it was three thirty in the morning, and as much as he didn’t want to move, he knew that the both of them needed to lie in a proper bed.

“C’mon sleepy head.” His voice was raspy, tired. He knew that once they were both in their beds, neither would re-emerge for another twelve hours at least.

“Don’t wanna.” Finally came from Y/N and Michael laughed softly.

“Going to have to move. I promise once you’re in bed, I won’t wake you again.” That seemed to get her moving enough so that they were leaning on each other as they stumbled through his place to the guest room.

Not even caring of the fact that Michael was still in the room, she wiggled free from her jeans, crawling beneath the covers.

“You’re the best. Night Mikey.” The sentence was slurred, her voice getting softer before the sentence ended with a snore. He snorted, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he made his way to his own room, ditching jeans and his shirt before crawling beneath his own covers.

It was almost like someone hit him over the head with a baseball bat. He was knocked out immediately.

—

It felt like a full on recovery for the first three days. Y/N was feeling like the wind had been stolen from her sails before Michael explained it wasn’t uncommon.

“We’ve just done seven months of touring and promo mixed together. Even with the days off, you’re still doing something. Your body probably feels like this is the first chance you’ve had to relax in months.”

They settled themselves in the living room for the first three days, watching tv and napping. It was relaxed and she could feel like her days were easier.

By the fourth day, that was when they started to venture out a bit. Ashton immediately invited himself around and took Y/N out for lunch when she’d sent a text saying she felt a little more alive.

Michael could only laugh as he half dragged her out of his place.

“I’ve got my own shit to do, I’d rather be going for lunch!” He yelled out after her plea to save her escaped from her lips.

“How are you feeling now that you’ve had a chance to let your body recover?”

“I’m not bad. I still expect to see her name a few times but it’s easier now that her number isn’t in my phone and I’m not pining as much. I’m just more worried about finding a place out here now.”

Ashton nodded in understanding as they pulled into one of the car park complexes.

“Whilst we’re here and then out in the UK, I don’t mind helping you if you want to sit down and look?” She smiled at him as they walked through the town.

“Yeah, thanks. Hey, would you mind coming with me to explain to my family? It’s just that they worry and I don’t want them to.” As they reached the restaurant, Ashton held the door open for her before following behind.

“Table for two under Irwin?” He asked before the hostess could even greet them. She checked the roster before nodding her head and guiding them further into the restaurant.

Once they were seated and were looking over the menus, Ashton finally asked her the question.

“Why me, and not one of the other guys?” She half smiled at that.

“I know that Sierra is coming to the UK leg of the tour. I also know that Calum will want to visit Mali whilst he’s over there.”

“And Michael?”

She had to pause at that. Why wouldn’t she ask him?

Ashton waited as she tried to find her words, before her eyes settled on the table.

“You all just assumed I was a lesbian, right?” The question in return caught Ashton off guard as he slowly nodded.

“Well, yeah. I mean we never really asked you about your previous relationships.” Ashton shrugged as he set the menu down to look at her properly.

“I’m not. I’m bisexual. My family know and accept this. But if I take Michael, they’ll assumed that I’m dating him already.”

“And they won’t assume that with me?”

“Because I don’t act like I’m in love with you, moron.” She rolled her eyes before they widened in shock.

Ashton smirked.

“Fuckin’ knew it.” He muttered before sighing. “I’ll come with you, if only so your family don’t have any kind of freak out and reveal that you’ve been crushing on Mike for a while.”

“Shut up.” She hissed quietly, making him laugh as the waitress came over and took their orders.

“Chill out, my feline friend. I don’t think the others have cottoned on yet, but I definitely noticed it after your not-date with Luke. It annoyed him that you went with Luke on the day off and he had to settle for half a day because of interviews.” At that, her head fell into her hands and a sigh escaped her lips.

“Ashton, I’m royally fucked. I’m spending the next two months with him and I literally feel like a teenaged schoolgirl with her first crush, except my heart still feels fucking broken beyond repair right now. And he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he does deserve someone who feels like that so he can show her that she’s not as broken as she thinks.”

As the food arrived, they switched the conversation to the European leg of the tour, the various cities they were excited to visit and gifts they planned on buying.

“Are you worried about seeing Allie?” He finally asked, resting his elbows on the table and his head on his hands.

She leaned back in her chair and thought about his question.

“No. Well, it’s going to hurt. I know that. I’ve still got to collect the last of my stuff from hers and get it shipped over here. So I’m going to have to see her. But honestly?” She hesitated before sighing. “I’m more worried about how I’m going to actually react. Because I don’t know if I’m angry or not. I couldn’t make heads or tails of my emotions on the road and I had to stay put together for the interviews and shows.”

“What dates are you going to see your family?”

“Mum’s planning a family shindig on Halloween. Then they’ve got a small van for me and it’ll pick me up straight after the Sheffield show. Instead of flying out on the third with you guys, I’ll fly back out to the tour on the fourth.”

“Want me with you for the whole thing?” He watched as her eyes dropped to the table and it was like the embarrassment radiated in waves off her.

“Am I that easy to read?” Ashton chuckled.

“No, I just know my friend well enough to see when she doesn’t want to ask for something in fear of overstepping some kind of boundary.” His words were teasing, but the sincerity stunned her for a second.

“Only if you want to, Ash. But it means that you’ll be sharing my room with me.” He laughed.

“It’s fine. Shall we head out to look for a place for you then? Might as well get a start before we leave for Europe.” She nodded in acceptance and split the bill with him. As the two left, they’d both spotted the paps lurking about, but both ignored them as they made their way back to Ashton’s car.

“Shall we place bets on how many articles say we’re dating, even when it’s plainly obvious even to a blind man that I’m not interested in you?” Ashton laughed as he got in the car and they peeled away from the complex and headed back to his.

----

With Ashton’s help, they’d managed to secure a decent house for her and with the money from the album sales and tour, she knew it was easier to outright buy the place instead of renting, which is what she did.

She swore Ashton to secrecy, because there was no point in making a big fuss over her place. It still needed some work done and they worked over the two week break to get the place cleaned up and furnished for her return back to LA once the tour finished.

“So you’re gonna host a housewarming party when we get back right?” She laughed as she locked up the place. It was all done, all she needed to do was ship her stuff over. She’d already met with a few of her new neighbours and they’d agreed to hold parcels for her until she returned from the tour the following month later.

“First we’re celebrating the surprise party for Michael. Our boy is turning twenty three. Can’t ignore that.” They laughed as they got into his car.

“Well yeah, there’s that first. But after?”

“Considering we’re both up for ARIA’s, still don’t know how I managed that,” Ashton laughed, “so I’m gonna give it a couple of days, so maybe have the party on the twenty first or twenty second. Then to my knowledge, I’m flying out on the twenty fifth for the rehearsals?” Ashton nodded.

“Sounds about right. I know Cal’s going over earlier to spend time with his family.”

“Right. This is still feeling so surreal, honestly.” He laughed.

Flying out from LA back to London seemed like a breeze, but she also knew that this was where she’d have to go back home. Y/N was both excited and nervous to go back to her hometown.

The flight to London had been filled with jittery nerves. They’d landed late in the evening and only a small handful of fans were waiting to greet them.

“Welcome home Y/N!” One fan called and she chuckled.

“Thanks guys. How’re you all doing?” She received varied answers from the small group that had gathered around her. She could see the phones out but didn’t protest them like she usually would’ve, she was just too damn tired.

“How was the flight for you?” One fan asked and she shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Exhausting. I forget how tiring flying can actually be, especially when you’re not good on long flights as it is.” She grinned bashfully, earning a few scattered giggles.

“Are you looking forward to being back home for a little bit?”

“Definitely. I’ve got plans on our days off to go visit my family and I know my mum is super excited to see me. I’m almost certain she’s called every family member that’s old enough to drive to come to this meal. That’s going to be a busy day.” the fans were calm and the discussion turned to new music.

“Have you been working on anything on the road?” She shrugged at that question.

“Yes and no. I haven’t pushed myself to write, but I’ve been recording. I can’t say much now, but you guys are going to absolutely love it, I promise you.” This earned her excited whispers and she giggled as she signed a few things for them.

She was more than happy to take a few selfies with a few of them before Michael called her over and she made quick apologies, heading over to where he was loitering with security.

“They’re sending vans. They’ll take us to the bus pick up and then it’s an overnight journey to Glasgow.” His eyes were watching how tired she was and she sighed.

“Why can’t they just fly us up there instead?” She groaned quietly, making him laugh.

“Because they’re assholes. Fancy bus crashing for the night? I know El, Rich and Cara are going to be wide awake.”

“And you four losers won’t be?” Came back the tart reply and he grinned.

“We’re just as tired as you are. So no, we’re probably going to knock out the second our heads hit the bunk.”

She hesitated for a moment before sighing. Pulling out her phone, she messaged the group chat she had with her own bandmates.

‘You guys cool if I bus crash tonight?’

Ellie was the first to reply.

‘Yeeah, we were thinking of maybe having a couple of games going when we go on. You look exhausted so you’d probs be better off sleepin on their bus.’

She replied almost instantly.

‘That’s fine by me. You guys be as loud as you like.’

It wasn’t much longer till they all piled into the two vans and it felt like she’d barely blinked before being shaken awake by Michael.

“C’mon Y/N, we’re at the busses.” The cold October weather made her cringe into Michael’s side and he laughed.

“Shut up, I’m used to the LA heat.” She grumbled. He fell silent but pulled her tighter to him anyway. She was wrapped up in the hoodie she’d managed to acquire after her not-date with Luke and he hadn’t argued the loss of it, claiming she looked cuter in it anyway.

When they got on the bus, the boys went to claim their bunks and before she could head to the back to crash on the sofa, Michael was pulling her into the bunk area and she couldn’t help but smile at someone who looked so stupidly cute, especially when his eyes were silently pleading with her.

With a sigh, she took off her bra, tossing it to the end of his bunk before climbing in and he followed after. Not even bothering to take off the hoodie, she curled into his side and with a whispered ‘goodnight’ between the two of them, it didn’t take too long before both of them were fast asleep, his body turned towards hers and his arm thrown over her waist.

When Michael woke the next morning, she was curled against him, her back pressing against his chest. His arm was still thrown across her waist. He didn’t dare move as he tiredly stared at her, his heart skipping a beat as her eyes opened and she turned over, face hiding against his chest.

She could feel her heartbeat thundering against her chest as she felt his lips against the top of her head.

“Morning kitten.” She tried not to let her shock show at the pet name, a simple hum of acknowledgement escaping as she pressed her face firmly against his chest, not willing to move an inch.

“Morning.” She finally muttered and he chuckled.

“We in Glasgow yet?” He shook his head.

“Still travelling. Not sure where we are though.” A sigh escaped her lips.

“Means we don’t have to move.” She muttered stubbornly her arm wrapping around him and he could feel heat rising in his cheeks as he held her close, mouthing a silent prayer just to keep his cool till they woke up properly.

It took another thirty minutes before the bunk curtain was pulled open by Luke.

“C’mon lovebirds. We reach Glasgow in about an hour.” He ducked the pillow she threw at him before Michael pushed out of the bunk first, and she reluctantly moved, following after him.

She slipped her bra on before following through to the front of the bus and was greeted with tired smiles from the other three. She took the open spot next to Michael, ignoring the pointed looks from Luke and Ashton as she lay her head on his shoulder.

“You changing anything to the setlist this tour?” She snorted into the cup of tea that Ashton had passed her at Calum’s question.

“I desperately want to cover Fuck You, just to be petty. But I won’t,” they all shared grins at that, “I will maybe switch the order of the setlist and throw the cover towards the start. Get the crowd going.”

“What cover you gonna do?”

“All the covers that get Brits fucking jumping.” She teased and they laughed as the bus finally pulled to a stop and she stood up, stretching out her tired limbs.

“You up for exploring tomorrow whilst we’re here?” Ash questioned and she nodded in agreement as she headed to the door of the bus.

“Yeah, who’s heading out tomorrow with you?”

“Just me.” Calum piped up and she grinned at him.

“Cool, see you guys in a bit.” And she was off the bus and onto her own seconds later, grateful that they were cut off from the fans view. She did not need to add fuel to that burning fire.

As she got on the bus, she was met with a very tired looking Cara who was nursing a coffee with both of her hands.

“Morning.” Came the quiet greeting.

“Morning to you too sunshine. How was last night?” Y/N sat herself opposite Cara who groaned quietly.

“I think it’s mostly tiredness speaking because not a lot of alcohol was consumed. But we’re just so excited to be playing for shows in the UK.”

“Even though you guys were with me for the first part of the tour.” She teased and they laughed quietly.

“It doesn’t count and you know it. This is playing in different cities. Playing in London once does not count at all.” Came the snarky retort and she held up her hands in a surrender position.

“I’m gonna go get changed. I might head into the venue and maybe work on something. Still got ideas running through my head.” She stood up, heading to the bunk area and Cara gave her a devious grin.

“Something to commemorate your night with Michael?” The taunt was playful and in jest and Y/N simply grinned.

“Maybe.”

---

As it crept closer to Halloween, it was obvious about how nervous Y/N was getting over the family party. More than once, Michael offered to come down with her and Ash, but she shook her head, desperately hoping that he couldn’t see how wistful her smile was.

“You need to hold the fort with Luke and Cal whilst I steal Ash for the day. We’ll be back in time for drinks, I promise.”

From London both her and Ashton travelled further south to her hometown on Halloween morning. They spent the majority of the journey discussing various ideas for her place back in LA, debating on different colours for the guest rooms that had yet to be painted.

“How many people are going to be there?” He questioned quietly as they pulled off the motorway. She checked her phone, scrolling through her previous messages with her mum.

“Mum said about twelve. But that’s just aunts and uncles and cousins. She’s not included their kids.” A low groan escaped him and she giggled.

“Hey, you agreed to this, knowing that I have a big family.” He rolled his eyes before smiling.

“I know. But it’s the kids that I’m worried about. Are you sure they won’t freak out?”

“Lucy might. She’s the only one I know that has probably listened to your stuff. The boys could care less.” She shrugged in return and he simply slumped down in the seat, earning a giggle.

“It won’t be like this at the weekend though?”

“Oh god no. This weekend is going to be telling them about moving to LA and packing up my stuff. Might even show you a few spots I frequented as a kid.” They shared matching grins as the car turned into a cul-de-sac and her eyes lit up.

Ashton couldn’t help himself as he snapped a photo of the beaming smile on her lips, his own lips curving into a grin to match hers.

“We’re here!” The car pulled to a stop and they got out of the car. Once it disappeared back down the street after a confirmation of pick up time, she headed to the front door and knocked. It was only eleven am, but she could see the various cars and hear the voices.

The door pulled open and she was greeted by her dad whose face lit up, pulling her into a warm hug.

It was a hug she’d been craving for months and her entire body melted against him.

“Welcome home, little one.” He murmured softly in her ear and she responded by clinging to him tighter before pulling away.

“Dad, this is Ashton, he’s the drummer of 5 Seconds of Summer, the band who helped give me this amazing opportunity.” She stepped to the side and Ashton held his hand out.

He was stunned when her dad pulled him in for a hug instead and his cheeks went slightly pink.

“Thank you for giving my little girl such a wonderful opportunity, come in, come in! The rest of the family are here.” He waved them both in and as she stepped through the door, Ashton ran his fingers through the mop of curls.

“I can see where you get the hugging genetic from.” He muttered under his breath and she snorted out a giggle before an excited squeal emitted from the living room.

“You’ve seen nothing yet, Irwin.”

As if on cue, her mum came rushing out of the living room and practically barrelled her over, holding onto her tightly as she peppered her face with kisses, making Y/N giggle.

“Hi mum. Missed you too.”

“Oh my baby is finally home for a bit!”

“Your baby is gonna pass out because she can’t breath and has barely stepped into the house.” She shot back sarcastically and Ashton coughed to cover up a chuckle. This turned her mum’s attention to Ashton.

“Don’t think you get out of this! You must be Ashton, yes?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s-” He was cut off as she pulled him in for a tight hug, this time making Y/N snicker at his wide eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” He finally finished off, making her mum laugh.

“It’s wonderful to meet you too, dear. Now come on through, a lot of the family are already here.” She pulled back, taking a hold of Ashton’s hand and he shot Y/N a panicked look and she shrugged in return as she followed after the two.

It took half an hour just to introduce Ashton to everyone who had already arrived because they were determined to ask him questions about the tour and what she had done on the tour and every question in between.

It was her Aunt Hallie who caught her unawares.

“So where’s young Allie?” She froze for a second, her eyes widening for a moment before her hand reached up, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Uh, we’re not together any more. We haven’t been for, like the last five months.” The awkward silence that filled the room and she could feel her stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Is this young Ashton your new thing then?” Her eyes widened in shock and Ashton, who had taken that moment to take a drink from the water that her mum had offered, choked.

“No, he’s here as support. Uh, I’m going to be collecting the rest of my stuff from Allie’s this weekend so he offered to meet the family as well, get it out of the way and-”

“She was worried about possibly running into Allie. I was the most level headed out of the band when the breakup happened and she wanted someone who would be able to be objective and stop anything from happening.” Ashton interjected once he’d gotten his breath back.

“And prey-tell why are you not dating him then?”

“Hallie,” her mum hissed softly, “that’s none of our business.”

“It’s fine, mum. Uh, I’m not interested in Ashton. I see him more as my brother. He’s been really good to me on the tour and looked out for me, especially when we’ve done the city explorations.” She explained quietly and as her Aunt Hallie opened her mouth to ask something else, her mum cut in once more.

“Enough, Hallie. They’re not together, and she’s not with Allie. You’ve known this.” Y/N groaned.

“Please, I’m not in the UK for long, I just want to enjoy today with you guys.” Hallie sat back and fell silent as the kids began to badger Ashton. He was patient with them as they invited him to play on Mario Kart.

As Y/N had expected, Lucy had fallen very shy around Ashton, so she went to her younger cousin and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m almost certain that if you ask nicely, he’ll let you have a picture with him.” Her cheeks flushed pink as she hid her face in her side and she chuckled.

“Alright. You wanna stick with me?” A nod followed and so she had a shadow attached to her as she joined Ashton on the floor and talked with the other adults about the tour and where she’d visited.

The kids soon abandoned the game when she began to show them photos she’d taken, so Ashton showed them some of his own and that was when Lucy began to come out of her shell.

“S’pretty photo of Y/N.” Came the soft mumble at the photo that he’d taken of her in Glasgow. Ashton beamed at Lucy who immediately went bright red.

“She’s the worst for having photos taken of her though, we have to catch her off guard or only when she’s in a particular mood to have photos taken. When we were in Australia, we were trying to get a group shot of all of us on the beach and she rolled off her towel and onto the sand to not be in the photo.” This earned him a giggle from Lucy and she slowly inched away from Y/N to take a look at the photo he was showing.

Ashton seemed to have earned himself the shadow that was her younger cousin then and it was sweet as he answered every question she had and even as they went to get food from the buffet that her mum had laid out, he let her sit with him.

Y/N had disappeared into the kitchen after taking a photo of the two of them talking. Hallie pinned her with a look and she sighed.

“Listen, he is not my boyfriend. I’m not starting this argument with you on my day off. We’re not here for much longer, the car will be here in a couple of hours to get us back to London.”

“I was just going to say he’s a nice boy you could have to get over this silly indecisiveness you have.” A groan escaped her lips.

“I’m not indecisive. I’ve dated boys and girls. I like them both. You try this with me every damn time Aunt Hallie.”

“Hallie, we’re not doing this today. I haven’t seen my little girl in months. I’m not letting your inability to see past the end of your nose ruin this day. You know where the door is if you really have that much of a problem.”

“Fine.” Came the huff and she disappeared out to the garden where a few other cousins were sat talking and having a smoke.

“Thanks dad.” She breathed and fell into his open arms.

“It’s okay sweetheart. How are you really doing?” She sighed into his shoulder.

“I’ll be okay, but Ash is genuinely here for moral support. He’s coming at the weekend as well. I don’t think I’m ready to face her by myself.” Her dad nodded before pressing a kiss to her temple.

“You’ve got good friends, little one. Come on now, we need to make sure that your Aunt hasn’t interrogated the poor lad.”

Mercifully she hadn't said a word, because Lucy still held all of his attention.

“Hey Luce, why don’t you ask Ash the question you wanted to ask earlier?” She called to her younger cousin and watched as her cheeks went a bright red.

“Uh, could I please have a picture with you?” Her voice had gone very quiet and Ashton grinned.

“Of course! You’re my favourite, but don’t tell Y/N that.” She giggled at her mock look of offence and obliged in taking the photo of the two.

The conversations continued over the next couple of hours before she received the warning text that the driver was about five minutes out.

“Ash, we need to say our goodbyes, driver is about five minutes away.” This earned gentle whines from the kids who had seemingly flocked to Ashton. She giggled and snapped a quick photo of it before going around and saying her goodbyes to the relatives, Ashton following behind her.

She left her parents for last, and they saw the pair off at the door.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you this weekend. Are we expecting you on Friday?” Her mum questioned as she hugged the two of them, her dad following her mum’s footsteps.

“Yeah, it’ll be late though. I’ve still got my key so I can just let us in and we’ll crash in my old room.” Her mum nodded.

“I’ll make sure to set up the airbed as well. Have a safe journey and enjoy the rest of the tour. We’ll see you in a few days.” They both escaped to the car after another shout of goodbyes from the family and once they were driving away, she let out a breath of air in relief.

“I can see why you needed someone there. Man, your Aunt Hallie was slightly terrifying.” Ashton’s observation made her laugh as they talked about the day and the possibilities of where they were going tonight.

When they reached London, Ash had to nudge her awake because she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder.

It wasn’t too late, so after stopping at a drive-thru for some food, once they were back at the busses, she followed after Ashton, knowing that the others would be on the bus too.

“So, any spectacular parties we can go to?” Cal grinned at her question.

“Yep. You ready to get drunk?”

“After today? Yes please.” Came the response and the group laughed.

“She’s not kidding, her aunt was tough as nails.” At that she snorted.

“Aunt Hallie just has her own ideas of what relationship I should be in. She’s relentless.” Ashton laughed as he went to put on a different shirt. She kept her outfit on, not bothering to go and change and soon enough they were piling out of the tour bus into two taxis.

Ellie and Cara were on her immediately as the taxi pulled away. Luke smirked at her.

“So what happened?” Ellie asked first and Cara pouted before giving her a pointed look.

“My aunt assumed that Ashton was my new fling. My younger cousin had her year made because he spent time with her and gave her his undivided attention. I’m pretty sure my family are ready to adopt Ashton regardless of me dating him or not.” Luke laughed.

“He’s good like that. Was it nice to see your family?” She shrugged.

“A few times we had close calls with my aunt being a somewhat piece of shit about my sexuality. But my parents didn’t want the day ruined with an argument, so she let it drop thankfully.” She explained and Luke hummed in return.

As they pulled up to the party and were greeted by various people, it felt good to just drink and let loose.

She wasn’t as tightly wound like she was at the start of the week and with each shot, she found herself gravitating closer to Michael as the night progressed. He didn’t argue this as they danced together, his hands on her hips and she pressed herself closer as more bodies joined the makeshift dance floor.

And she wasn’t entirely sure at what point she made the decision, but when she looked at him, the bass of the song reverberating through her body, she watched as his eyes dropped to her lips.

Using her arms around his neck, she inched closer, and he didn’t protest and before she could stop herself, their lips were barely centimeters apart.

“You can kiss me, y’know.” He breathed and she closed the gap between them, his lips soft against hers and she found herself entirely melting against his body as he pulled her closer.

His lips parted against her tongue and she could taste the alcohol as she kissed him, his tongue meeting hers and she could feel her heart fluttering. Their bodies were still moving with the music and she pulled away, her breath catching.

“Holy shit.” He whispered and before she could think much about it, his lips were on hers once more.

As the night progressed, she stuck to his side. He didn’t protest this as they continued to drink and soon the night began to blur together, the only solid thing her memory able to recall was the feeling of Michael’s lips against hers.

When she woke up the next morning, she was half draped across Michael, in his bunk. Unlike the start of the tour, she carefully pulled herself over and carefully climbed out. He barely moved as she got to her feet and plucked her jeans from the bottom of the bunk, shimmying them on before moving to the front.

The bus wasn’t moving so she assumed that they were at the venue.

Stepping through, she was met with three smirking band members and she froze.

“So.” Luke started and she could feel warmth spread to her cheeks.

“You two finally kissed.” Ashton continued and she took the spot next to Calum who raised an eyebrow at her.

“So bisexual, huh?” She simply slumped forward, her arms folding on the table and resting her head on them.

“Can you guys, not be smug assholes for like, five minutes?” They laughed and she whined at the noise levels. They fell silent when another dull thud was heard and her heartbeat picked up. She opted to keep her head on her arms, not wanting to look up.

“Let’s grab some breakfast. Pretty sure that one of the crew members said there was a McDonald’s nearby.” Calum’s suggestion was like music to her ears as they all greeted Michael before disappearing off the bus.

“Are you gonna look at me?” Her head shot up from her arms, wincing at the sudden movement which made him smile slightly.

Butterflies flooded her stomach at that smile.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Her question was answered with a small nod and suddenly, every word disappeared from her lips. She couldn’t figure out what to say.

“Did you want to kiss me? Like, it wasn’t just because you were drunk?” Michael finally asked and she nodded her head.

“I don’t know if it escaped your attention, but I like you, dumbass.” He stared at her for a second.

“But, Allie?” She shook her head.

“She’s exclusively dated girls. I’ve dated both.” She clarified and understanding washed over his features followed by a grin.

“So you like me?” She laughed.

“Have done for a while now, Clifford.” They both chuckled before silence fell around them.

“How do you want to do this?” He asked and she hesitated before sighing.

“We’re technically working together. I’m your opening act. I know there’s like two weeks of tour left but-”

“It wouldn’t look good if we were public with any of this.” His body deflated and she moved from her spot, sliding herself onto his lap, straddling his legs so she could face him completely. His hands automatically rested on her hips, holding her there and his cheeks took on a pinkish hue.

He looked adorable in her opinion.

“Don’t think I don’t want to date you, because I do. But I don’t want to be public about it. Not yet, and especially not whilst we’re on tour. That’s just asking for trouble.” He nodded in understanding and when his gaze dropped to her lips, she smiled slightly.

“You can kiss me y’know.” She murmured his words from the previous night, making him smile before his lips connected with hers the second she finished her sentence. This kiss was sweeter, no alcohol fuelling these decisions and it wasn’t the first thing she could taste. Her body melded against his, his grip on her hips tightening slightly before their lips pulled away.

“The next two weeks are going to fucking suck.” He muttered and she giggled softly.

“I know, but when we’re away from prying eyes, you can kiss me all you want.” She hummed and his lips met hers in response.

They stayed like that until the boys came back and she reluctantly slid off his lap, sharing a soft kiss as she did so. This earned a wolf whistle.

“About time you two. Right, we have food and you both need to get ready for soundcheck soon.” Ashton reminded them both and they shared grins before accepting the breakfast offered and she settled against his side as they ate.

As they reached the end of the week, after the last UK show, both Y/N and Ashton rushed onto their busses to grab quick showers and a change of clothes.

She stuck to travelling in comfortable clothes and packed two changes of clothes. Ellie, Cara and Rich got onto the bus as she finished throwing her charger into the carry on and before she could leave Ellie pulled her into a tight hug.

The stress that had been building up all week dissipated somewhat at that.

“I needed that.” She muttered and Cara laughed.

“Hence why Ellie is the one giving you the hug. Just don’t get into any fights and we’ll see you in two days, alright?” She nodded her head and waved to them as she disappeared off the bus. Screams erupted as she emerged and she briefly waved to the groups of fans that were at the barriers.

She didn’t even hesitate as she punched in the code to get onto the bus and found Ashton emerging from the bunks, his carry on slung across the shoulder.

“No lover boy to see you off?” He teased and she rolled her eyes.

“I already got my kiss goodbye. Why, you need one from Cal?” She teased and he laughed loudly as they exited the bus once more. The screams grew louder as they headed to the waiting car for them, getting their stuff in before climbing in.

The journey was quiet, both of them on their phones as the headed down the motorway. It wasn’t as long as they’d anticipated, due to it being so late at night. But when they reached the house hours later, it was verging on three am and both were starting to lag by this point, yawns escaping them both every now and then.

As they crept into the house as quietly as possible, she guided Ashton to her childhood bedroom and when she flicked on the light, she felt her lips pull back into a wide smile.

The airbed was made up with blankets and pillows and her own bed had fresh covers on them judging by the note that was sat on her pillow.

‘Fresh blankets and clean sheets. See you both in the morning, love mum x’

Ashton chuckled as she switched her bedside lamp on and turned the main light off, helping Ashton find a plug for his phone charger before crawling under her covers, plugging her own phone in to charge.

“Night Y/N.” Ashton muttered quietly and she flicked the light off.

“Night Ash.”

When the pair woke the next morning, it was to the sounds of the radio and the smell of cooked food.

Rolling onto her side, she spotted that Ashton was awake and scrolling through his twitter feed.

“There better not be any sleeping photos, Irwin.” She mumbled as she stretched out on her bed and Ash laughed as he looked over to her.

“You’re good. I felt like being reasonably kind to you today.”

“You’re so nice to me.”

“I try.”

They laughed before she finally rolled out of her bed and Ashton got up. Grabbing her phone, the pair headed downstairs and were met with the sight of her mum cooking breakfast whilst her dad was sat at the kitchen table.

“Morning.” She kissed her dads cheek as she made her way to the fridge to grab some juice.

“Morning you two. How was the journey last night?” Her mum asked as she began to plate up the food. Ashton took a seat at the kitchen table opposite her dad.

“Not bad. It was quite on the motorway so we didn’t really hit any traffic. I think it was about three when we got in?” She hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, three sounds about right. Did you want some juice Ash?”

“Please.”

As they ate breakfast, it was mostly quiet as the two devoured their breakfasts, much to the amusement of Y/N’s parents.

“Do they not feed you on tour?” Her dad commented and she laughed.

“The boys eat like horses. However, we didn’t grab a bite to eat after the show last night. So I guess we’re kind of hungry.” She explained as she finished up her food before pushing the plate away.

Ashton followed her example a moment later.

“That was really nice, thank you ma’am.”

“So polite.” Her mum beamed as her dad collected the plates and did the last bit of the washing up. Once he was back at the table, her mum pinned her with a look..

“We realised that you’re probably going around to Allie’s today. What did you want us to do with your stuff?” At this, the two exchanged a look and this gained both of her parents attention.

“Little one?”

“Well, I kinda bought a house whilst I was out there. I got my citizenship because my job is technically based over there now. So it made it easier to apply.” She admitted and waited as the news sunk in for both of her parents.

“So you’re moving out there for good now?” Her mum’s tone broke her heart and she pressed her lips together, trying to find the right words but without hurting her parents feelings.

Ashton stepped in and rescued her.

“It’s easier for the artist to be based close to home for some record companies. Because Y/N is such a fresh face who has had a massive upswing with her music, like there wasn’t much promotion for her stuff, but she still managed to get number one in thirteen different countries. So with her moving to LA is beneficial on both sides of the fence. It also gives her more opportunities to work with different artists because despite the reputation that LA has, it’s the place to be to get your name out there.”

She could have honestly kissed Ashton in that moment.

“So you’re saying that it’d give her exposure?” Her mum clarified and Ashton nodded.

“Various artists and bands across all genres find themselves in LA. Making those connections are always crucial and she’s made the best kind of connections already. And it’s not like she won’t have friends out there.”

She watched as her dad processed the information.

“Dad?”

“It’s a lot to take in, you moving across the world. But this is what you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl. Who are we to cause a rift because we don’t like the decision? We knew you’d have to fly the nest eventually, maybe not so far, but we expected it after you moved in with Allie.”

She let out a breath of air she hadn’t realised she’d been holding at his words and he smiled.

“Trust me little one, we will miss you, but this is your dream. You know we’ll support you regardless.” At her mums nod, her shoulders relaxed and Ashton nudged her side.

“Told you it’d be fine.” The playful jab made laughter ring around the table as she stood and stretched.

“I’m going to get ready. We need to collect the stuff from Allie’s sooner rather than later and then maybe tonight we can go out for dinner?” She questioned her parents who shared a look before nodding.

They both went and got ready, Ashton heading to the bathroom to get changed.

When they got downstairs, she picked up her car keys and called out a goodbye as they headed out of the door.

“Didn’t realise that you could drive.” Ashton commented as she slid into the driver's seat.

“How else was I going to get around for tour?” She snorted. “I’ll need to take my test in the states, but I can drive. I might sell this car and whatever money I get from it I can put towards a new car over there.” She mused as she made the achingly familiar journey.

As she pulled up, she noticed that the car was in the driveway and her breathing hitched.

“You’ve got this. C’mon.” Ashton encouraged, climbing out of the car. It was only when he opened her door did she move and finally got out of the car, slowly walking up to the house.

Knocking on the door, her heart plummeted as an unfamiliar face opened the door.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“Uh, is Allie here?”

“Babe, someone at the door for you.” The stranger called back. Allie appeared moments later and her face dropped.

“Oh. Y/N. Hi Ashton.” He nodded at her in return and she looked away from him.

“I’ve come to collect my stuff.” Allie seemed to paused for a second before nodding.

“Yeah, uh it’s in the garage. Let me just, grab the keys for it.” She disappeared from the door for a moment before returning and the two followed behind Allie as she walked to the garage door.

“So, how was tour?” The words were hesitant and she could feel the burning frustration mixed with hurt bubble in her chest.

“Still on it.” Came the short response and she felt a minor satisfaction as Allie flinched at her tone.

Once the garage door was open, she showed the two where her stuff was being kept and she felt grateful that there was the small mercy of it already being packed away. She didn’t want to be here longer than necessary.

It didn’t take too long to load the boxes into the car, Allie standing by, watching the pair as they shifted the last of her stuff. Once it was done and the garage door was closed once more, Y/N fished around for her keys before finding the key to the house.

“Might want to give your new girl that one. Have a nice life, and I hope it works out for you.” The words were bitter, tired. But Allie simply nodded her head, clasping the key in her hand.

“Take care.” She whispered as the two headed back to the car and she eventually headed into the house.

She lasted five minutes driving before she had to pull over, her shoulders shaking and tears blurring her vision. Ashton didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to get it out of her system.

There was no rush as she cried, her body tired as the tears finally slowed and the sobs died down.

“Better?” She nodded.

“Better.”

---

With the weight of her move now off her shoulders, her parents promising to get her stuff shipped to her new place, the rest of the tour felt easier.

It was the last show in Madrid when she surprised fans with the song she felt that she couldn’t play before. But she knew that her heart was on the mend.

“Over the last few months, you guys have seen me pretty much hit rock bottom. I got my heart broken whilst I was mid-tour and it sucked. And this song, it was once her song. But it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. So this song, this song is for all of you. This is your song now.”

She could see the boys side stage as she danced and sang the song, the crowd singing the lyrics right back at her and it felt like relief flooding her bones.

When she finished her set and rushed off, she was swept into tight hugs from all of the boys, Michael patiently waiting till last as they moved away from the stage, his lips meeting hers softly.

“So you’re getting there, huh?” He teased and she grinned.

“Had some help from some amazing friends. But yeah. I’m getting there birthday boy.” She hummed and his lips met hers once more.

“Pack it in love birds, we need him coherent for the show.” Calum called over to the two of them, making her giggle as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“You guys suck. You need to be nicer to me on my birthday.” He called back and Calum rolled his eyes.

“It might be your birthday in Australia, but it isn’t here. Not yet. So no I don’t need to be nicer to you.” Calum fired back making the others laugh as Michael pouted.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be your birthday when we fly home.”

“Jet lag is gonna kick our asses.” She laughed as they got their ten minute stage warning.

“Yeah well, we’ll have days after your birthday to recover. So don’t fret. Now go be a good rockstar and enjoy the night.” He grinned, his lips meeting hers once more before vanishing after his bandmates.

The last show went off without a hitch and so began the journey to LA. And despite knowing she had her own place out there, when Michael offered for her to stay over at his when they landed, she simply nodded in agreement.

They’d barely had time to drop their stuff off at his before they were being picked up again and Michael kept asking her if she knew anything.

It was difficult to keep a straight face, especially when she was so tired, so she simply let her head rest on his shoulder, shrugging as she did so.

“I don’t know what’s been planned. I was just told to stick with you.” He snorted at that and settled before they arrived at the venue and as he entered, she found herself beaming as he greeted his parents with enthusiasm, despite how tired she knew he was.

She was quickly pulled over and introduced to his parents, both who spent their time talking with her whilst he greeted everyone, unable to contain his laughter as he saw his bandmates.

“It was like, thirty minutes ago I saw you three I think? It’s been a long time, man.” This earned him tired chuckles.

Thankfully, she wasn’t expected to mingle with everyone, so whilst Michael was catching up with his friends, she stuck to the guys, trying to keep herself awake as the night grew on.

“How close are you to passing out right now?” Ashton murmured and she giggled softly.

“You’re the reason I’m still stood upright, Irwin. You’re not allowed to move.” The two of them laughed before there was calls for cake and they finally moved closer, Michael’s eyes lighting up when he spotted her. He coaxed her to his side and she did so without much argument, her body fighting the exhaustion at this point.

“I know that there are some that want me to go out, but I’m ready to just crash if I’m honest.” He hummed and she grinned at him.

“Best idea you’ve had all day, Clifford.” This made him chuckle as the gathered group of friends began to sing Happy Birthday to him and his hand slipped in hers as he blew out the candles.

By the time the cake had been cut, she’d found herself sat next to him, her face nestled against his shoulder. She was beyond caring about what people would assume at this point, and when Michael pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head in full view of all of their friends, earning the whistles from his band mates, she relaxed.

“They won’t necessarily care that I’m this affectionate with you. But I can bet you that there will be photos all over the internet in the next hour of that.” He murmured and she snorted.

“Too tired to care. M’gonna worry about that tomorrow.” She hummed in return and he snickered.

When they got back to his place, instead of crawling into the guest room like she’d planned, unsure on what the sleeping arrangement was going to be, his fingers laced with hers and he pulled her into his room, the both of them getting changed into comfier clothes.

Crawling into bed beside him, she barely managed a whispered ‘goodnight’ before she was asleep, Michael following after almost immediately.

The next morning, or afternoon at least, when she woke up, she found herself happy enough to just remain cuddled into Michael, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Morning.” He groaned softly as she shifted onto her side to curl closer to him.

“Afternoon.” She fired back with a yawn and he laughed.

It took them both another hour to actually pull themselves from the bed, and that was when they realised that there was no food in his house and their stuff was in need to get washed.

“So much to do, too tired to care.” He groaned into her neck as they stood in the kitchen, her body leaning against his.

“I know, but we need food and we also need clean clothes. Especially for another party in a couple of days.” She kept the mention as casual as possible, but he spun her around with ease, her back pressing into the kitchen counter.

“Oh? And what party would that be?” He queried as his thumbs began to rub gentle circles on her hips.

“My housewarming party. Last time we were in LA, Ash helped me find a place to move into and get it ready for when we got back from tour.” His lips curved into a big smile.

“Look at you getting you own place,” he teased, lips meeting hers softly, “guess I have a better reason to clean my stuff now.” He murmured against her lips and she nodded in agreement.

“Yes you do. And you also have a reason to get your ass into gear and get breakfast. We’re both hungry and need to do something.” He laughed.

“Fine. But you’re coming with me. That photo from last night has probably done the rounds already. No point in trying to hide us now.”

“Considering that we’re not on tour anymore, I guess so. But I don’t want to be blatantly obvious about it.” She warned him, allowing him to pull her back upstairs to his bedroom.

“Fine.”

As they settled back into a routine, Y/N finally moving her stuff into her new place with the help of the boys, she found herself feeling more at home than she’d ever felt in England.

Her house party only seemed to enhance that as various friends celebrated her move in, amazed she’d managed to keep the move so quiet.

“Ashton helped me find a place and people aren’t willing to go against someone who looks like him. Plus because I wasn’t even moved into the place it was easy enough to get it off public record that I bought the house.”

She did her rounds with the various people, meeting new faces as well. She felt more welcomed as many greeted her with warm hugs and shouts of excitement at the fact she was moved into LA.

Alex especially had words to say, his arm slung around his wife.

“Listen, when I first met you, I just thought you’d be some punk kid, not going to lie. You were not what I expected at all.” He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes taking a swig of her beer.

Her eyes travelled to his bandmates who she’d extended the invite to, the only one declining was Zack, who was in Hawaii at the time.

“Listen, I didn’t expect you to be such a task master, but there you were, cracking the whip, trying to get me to work out that damn order for the album.” She snarked in return, earning laughter from the people surrounding the group.

Michael had slotted himself just behind her, his arm resting around her waist gently.

“Hey, it got you a kickass album, “ Alex fired back, “how is that coming along?”

“They’ve agreed to the twelve songs, six of which have been recorded or at least demoed. I’ve got Christmas off, so I’ll probably lock myself away and work on some more songs, at least get a tune down with the piano or guitar.” She explained with a shrug.

“If you’re lacking company at Christmas, we’re staying in LA this year, so you’re more than welcome to join us. You too, Mike.” Lisa offered and she beamed at the older woman.

“I’ll take you up on the offer. My parents know I can’t constantly fly there and back on a whim at the moment, especially whilst working on the album.” Alex nodded in understanding.

“It’s difficult, but you’ve got us and everyone else here, so you’re not short on guests or even places to go.” Y/N chuckled.

“It’s appreciated, trust me.”

She finally moved along to a few others, keeping a firm grip on Michael’s hand. He didn’t protest as they moved from group to group, talking about the album, the tour and everything in between. She knew this was the best choice she’d made in a long time.

It was after the houseparty, when almost all of the the guests had left, the housewarming gifts left on the dining room table, did she finally pull Michael upstairs, his lips curved up in an amused smile.

His lips were all over her as he pressed her into the bed sheets once their clothing was shed.

His name was the only thing that she could say coherently that night.

Waking up with him the next morning, his skin against hers, she realised how much she actually enjoyed the feeling especially knowing it was his arms she was waking up in.

Their journey to Australia wasn’t too bad. She was mostly jittery when Michael brought her around to his parents.

“I know you’ve already met her, but this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He introduced the three of them properly, shocking her for a solid minute before her lips grew into this untouchable smile.

“So I’m your girlfriend, huh?” She teased him later that night as they lay together, cuddled tightly. He groaned.

“Would you like me to do a song and dance routine to ask you to be my girlfriend?” He murmured, shifting himself so that he was hovering above her, his lips at her neck.

“No, but clarification would be nice next time.” She breathed, a soft moan escaping as he found her sweet spot.

“Will you, please, be my girlfriend?” He murmured against her skin before pulling away, his eyes searching her face.

“Of course I will, dumbass.” His lips met hers once more.

His parents were easy going and she could see where his laid back nature came from.

“So are your parents going to be at the ARIA’s?” Karen asked the day before the awards show. She smiled ruefully into her cup of tea.

“I wish they were, but the cost of them to fly out was a lot more than I anticipated. So they’re going to be up stupidly early and try to watch a stream. But it’s the thought that counts for me, I know that my dad would’ve been there in a heartbeat if he could.” The two of them traded a quiet giggle as Michael followed in behind his dad, dropping a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“You okay?” He murmured and she nodded her head.

“Yeah, your rehearsal go okay?” Hers had been first thing that day, making her reluctant to leave the warm bed and her boyfriend. When she’d returned, he had already gotten up and left for his own rehearsal.

“Yeah. We’ve also seen the seating. You’re only a few seats away from us. Luke is next to Nicole Kidman.” This made her giggle.

Performing at the ARIA’s was certainly something she’d never expected to be doing, but the way that her song had been received, and seeing even the famous faces singing along, it melted her heart.

It was when she won Best Upcoming Artist that it really struck her that this was an actual event happening.

As she walked by the boys, she hugged all four of them, Michael’s lips lingering on her cheek for a moment before she rushed to the stage, her eyes staring at the award in her hand, shock being the only emotion that she could fully comprehend.

“This time last year, I had no idea where my life was going to go. I’d not long returned from LA I’d been offered the chance of a lifetime to not only record my EP with some incredible people, but I landed myself a record contract and chance of a lifetime. All I had was a finished single that was about to get released to the world and an EP that I was nervous about releasing. But seeing how quickly it gained traction, oh my god. I can only thank the people who have been so supportive of me, John Feldmann, Alex Gaskarth, the boys in 5 Seconds of Summer, my parents who are going to go ballistic over the phone when they see this.” This earned her laughter amongst the crowd.

“Just wow. Thank you so much for this.” She knew that she hadn’t been prepared, she hadn’t expected to win. But she had.

And when Michael found her later on, his smug grin said it all.

“I do believe I can say, I fucking told you so.” He teased her, crouching in front of her. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up.” She muttered before leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

“So much for not being so blatant?” He teased and she groaned.

“I really don’t care right now. I’m happy. I won an award I didn’t think I’d even be nominated for. Literally a year ago I was a nobody.”

“And look at you now. I’m telling you, your own world tour will be next.” This made her laugh as she shook her head and they were called back to their own seats.

True to prediction, her parents called her, her mum screaming in excitement and her dad rattling off about how proud he was. Michael had his arms around her as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. This was what made the move worth it.

The news did its round of their kiss, and she knew that there would be plenty of articles trashing her, but she cared less when they returned to LA, his hand in hers as they left the airport.

“I guess this is making us a thing now?” He teased he as they caught glimpse of another article online. She groaned.

“Pretty sure you need to take me out to dinner first, Clifford. Boyfriend or not.” He laughed.

“So, dinner?”

She could only laugh as he kissed her soundly, her heart racing as she smiled into the kiss. Things would be just fine.

---

tag list: @cals-babylons , @glitterprincelu , @calumspeachy , @wrappedaroundcal , @cosmocalum , @mistletoemichael , @talkfastfletcher , @hereforlukescruff , @astroashtonio , @catchinqcalum , @roselukes , @5saucewho, @babylon-uncrowned , @dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind , @therainydays4 , @asht0ns-world , @silverchainbee , @hidd3nfangirl , @doodleasouarus , @empathycth , @mylovehes , @songforhema , @kinglyhood , @youngblood199456 , @makecoffeenotwars , @5squash , @negative-love , @softboycal , @kinglycalum , @you-of-ghost , @meetyoutheremgc , @lmao5sosimagines , @lietoash , @aw-hawkeye , @biggestslutforcalum , @drummerboy794 , @itjustkindahappenedreally, @mycollectionofnuts , @coreybryanttrash , @abitloudforanaccousticset , @boytoynamedcalum , @teampreator , @dukehoods , @dweebluke , @calumhampton , @lashtoncurls , @toofadedtofight , @gigglyirwin , @blue-skies-are-alright , @hearts-to-the-sky , @tiddlerrr , @all-i-want-is2b-loved-by-you , @thesensationalcalum , @ashtxns-hxe , @cakeassx-blog , @dancingonanemptywallet , @rotten-kandy , @vipclifford , @musiclover1263 , @irwinsbambi ,  @rosecoloredash , @jpgluke , @cathartichaoss , @5secondssofssummer , @cozyfivesos , @balsamichood , @cliffordstxngue , @lukesbellas , @myloverboyash , @cxddlyash , @issuffering , @gabiatthedisco , 

There are some blogs who have changed their urls that I haven’t caught. Also there are a few I can’t seem to tag, please make sure that your blog is searchable. If you want to be added to the tag list, drop me a message.

[nikatyler]

Since you’ve mentioned having mixed feelings about Miracle’s storyline as well as Miracle and Adam, I was wondering if you could go into more detail about how you feel about them? Sorry if that’s a weird question I’m just always interested on how feelings change over time. Plus you always have such interesting things to say about your characters.

Sure thing! I hope this rambling won’t be too confusing. I’ve rewritten it like three times already because I just don’t know where to start. There’s so much to talk about, so many personal influences and whatnot, and I don’t know how to go about it without revealing too much personal stuff while also making my point clear...you know what I mean? But this is my final try, I don’t want you to wait any longer...even though I probably should’ve done that because my head isn’t in the right place today. You know how yesterday I said I wasn’t freaking out about uni at all? Yeah, I spoke too soon.

It’s under the cut because I talked too much, but here’s a TL;DR: Basically other ships just inspire me more, Miracle and Adam are bland compared to them. Also, Miracle’s storyline has some moments I’m not proud of.

I guess I don’t like them as much anymore because they don’t really have anything to offer. They’re a cute, happy, perfect couple, but that’s kind of it? I’m not saying good, happy couples are bad irl, it’s just that when I’m reading something and that’s the only thing I can say about a ship, then it’s not a ship I enjoy as much as others. I think Miracle and Adam might be too perfect. Even the best couples get into arguments sometimes, but they never had to face anything like that.

Let’s look at my other ships, the ones I claim are my favourites. I’ll give you a few examples of what they offer other than “we’re cute and happy”. Might contain spoilers but eh, as always, when will I get around posting these stories anyway?

Tyler and Sharon: They both carry these insecurities and secrets they don’t tell anyone about, only each other. Tyler might seem very confident and whatnot and often makes fun of his siblings, but deep inside, he thinks that they’re all so much better than him. He also has this mindset of “if I’m not good at music, then I failed at everything”. I won’t go into detail about Sharon’s secrets because that’s something I would really like to reveal when the time is right but…let’s just say that there’s a lot beneath this “we’re a badass couple oh and we also joke around each other a lot and sometimes it looks like we hate each other but nope, we’re actually madly in love”. I also love how equal they are in their relationship, like screw the traditional roles, we can do whatever the hell we want in our household. And like I mentioned, there’s this whole music thing, their relationship is very impacted by that. Last but not least, I just love the chemistry and dynamics that they have, this playfulness, sarcasm and sass. They’re just fun for me to write about.

Ross and Caleb: Okay, I will admit, they do fall a little bit under the “cute and happy” category now, but what I love about them is their long history and how their relationship developed over the years. There’s been quite a few changes and ups and downs. They started off as very unlikely friends, where actually, at first the friendship was kinda one-sided and Caleb was just like “okay, whatever, I’ll play videogames with you”. Over time, they grew closer, then they grew apart during Ross’s worst years…and so on. I feel like I get into this every other week in an ask, so I won’t repeat it again, I’m sorry :D

Caleb and Rachel: (other Caleb. original Caleb. my Caleb. redhead Caleb.) Again, seemingly just another “cute and happy” ship, but I think it works in their case because of this irony, I guess you could say. Caleb actually doesn’t want much, he just wishes for a happy boring life with a happy little family where nothing extraordinary happens, but he got the exact opposite. At one point his life was totally awful (divorce with Angel, he found out he couldn’t have children, was fired, and I mean, even the alien abduction kinda sucked, let’s be honest), then things changed again (birth of Miracle) and now he’s learning to live with all that because there’s no way he’s getting that boring life he wished for. And then there’s this whole fact that he’s kind of grumpy and sad and always sees the worst, but then he meets Rachel, who is always smiling, and she shows him how to be happier too. They’re not complete opposites though, they both share many interests. And yes, they do fight sometimes. Remember when they found out Rachel was pregnant and Caleb didn’t want to believe it?

Zoey and Isaac: My two nerds I hardly ever talk about but they own my entire heart. The progress of their relationship is one of my favourite things in this Golden Days story that I’m writing. They become close friends in ts3 universe, help each other heal, then the whole parallel universe mess happens, Zoey is thrown into the ts4 universe (I’m trying to really simplify it here because this whole post is getting too long and we’re not even halfway through), finds this universe’s version of Isaac too and so on. He knows the things she’s gone through, he’s always there for her, she’s there for him too because he has his problems too. They’re dealing with a lot.

I could talk about Josie and Lucian too but it’s too early for that and who knows, maybe eventually I’ll find out they’re not actually one of my most favourite ships.

And I know what you might be thinking - “but Miracle and Adam had a story too! They struggled too! ” Yeah, they had and yeah, there were struggles. But after that, they turned/I turned them into your generic happy cute couple. It’s partially because of the mess that gen 5 was, there just wasn’t space for any more interesting development.

I think one reason why I don’t like them as much anymore is Miracle’s storyline as a whole. I don’t connect to it as much as I did when I wrote it. It was really influenced by how I was feeling back then and I just didn’t know any better. Without getting too personal and sad, if I wrote it today, some things would be vastly different.

Yeah, Adam was a nice guy who turned out to be dating a mean girl, that’s kind of a cliche but whatever. Sometimes I enjoy cliches in a way. I would be cool with that, even though it’s dumb and, well, a cliche.

The thing that bothers me the most is the mixed message about insecurities. So yeah, Miracle doesn’t think she’s pretty, she thinks everyone would hate her if they knew she was half-alien (because that’s how it was for her at school before) and has low self-esteem because of that. And yes, there are people who are terrible to her because of that. But her friends and the people who matter (her family, Adam, Billie and Ed) would never give a damn about it, first and foremost they like her for who she is - a nice, kind, humble person. Then everyone finds out she’s half-alien, Adam then comforts her and tells her it doesn’t matter and that he actually loves her and she finally starts believing that okay, maybe it really doesn’t matter, maybe I’m pretty even though I’m not like the others.

At this point, if she had remained that way and just learned to love herself that way, that would’ve been fantastic and a great message. It’s also something I myself have learned in the past months. I don’t want to sound cheesy but yes, I found a way to love myself even though I’m not the definition of beauty standard in the slightest. (I know it’s not quite the same thing, but my relationship with myself was a big influence for Miracle’s storyline, so that’s why I used it as an example here.)

But no, I made it so that she still goes and finally changes into a fully human form. So yeah, people don’t mind her being half-alien, but still, let’s get rid of that aspect, it’ll be easier or something. A non-story reason why I did this is simply because I once found out what she would look like without the alien eyes and liked it a lot and wanted her to look like that in the legacy, which…I guess again contradicts this whole “you’re beautiful no matter what” message. I don’t know. It’s hard for me to talk about these things.

I kinda hate the fact that she only started believing in herself after a guy she loved told her to. Like…okay, I’m not saying it doesn’t happen in real life, but wouldn’t it be so much more satisfying if she realized that on her own? She would get so much stronger. What actually happened in the story didn’t get rid of her insecurities, in my opinion, she just hid them for years (until one day, she understood there are things in life that matter more than what she looks like - see Regan’s story in gen 6). 

There was also this damsel in distress aspect of her story at that point where Esme and god-knows-what-his-name-was find out who she is, threaten to beat her up (which is something I’m not proud of writing, that was too much and surely I could’ve done something else about it), suddenly Adam storms in and beats the guy up instead (which, let’s be real, is very much out of his character, but hey this damsel needed a knight to save her I guess - god, this bothers me so much).

Alright, so that happens, they move out of the dorm into their own house with Billie and Ed (that’s another relationship I have issues with, but that’s a story for another day)…and they turn into this exact happy perfect couple that doesn’t really inspire me to write anything about, except for maybe late night nightmare and comforting short stories. There’s not really anything else. Adam lowkey didn’t have a personality, Miracle is just a good girl who now doesn’t have to deal with what used to haunt her, and every interesting thing I could start a story about is gone. There are not even any good opposites about them, nothing in their personalities that would clash and make for interesting conflicts.

Wow, this was long and I’m getting lost in it. I didn’t think it would be so hard to talk about it, but it was hard. In my head, I know exactly how I feel about them, but then putting it down is difficult. Still, thank you for asking, it was interesting for me to go back to them.