#i mean technically not MY ex boyfriend but like .... a different version of me's ex boyfriend....

[moeblob]

You literally spent three hours having an ENTIRE SCHOOL (teachers included) slut-shaming a guy just for him to be a (spoiler).

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

🆃🅷🅴 🆆🅸⨢.🅲🅷🅸🅽🅶 🅷△🆄🆁.

>>> the grim adventures of jon n' jack. feat batman n' spiderman. <<<

...

it was only a matter of time, before i would have made another crossover with those two. i can't deny, that they are very 1:1 for me, when it comes to comics supervillains. so why not to mix one awesome n' beloved thing with another? esp since funny enough, they do have quite a few similar plot-points. well, the halloween themed costume aside. i mean it goes as far as jack once having the bat-themed boyfriend pal, which reminds me of someone else, i know.

anyho'...

i've tried to make my notes more or less readable here, but they still might be a bit scattered. i attempted to keep them as short as possible, but i just cannot talk 'small'.

1. the first art is low-key based on underdeveloped AU, that i have about the early comic scarecrow n' modern jack meeting n' hitting it off serial killiar style. considering, that both of them possess killing methods, which have a noticable tradmark to it, i imagine that they will leave one hell of a mess behind, while traveling across the country. in that timeline, batman is dead. n' jack's shitty foster dad was killed off earlier on. neither of them knows what to do with themselves, since the people who they had *twisted* emotional conection with are gone. without any direction, they meet in the middle, n' decide that they can as well team-up n' try to make being a villain fun again. jon might experiment on their victims *or torture them if its his ex bullies* n' then give them to jack, who would scoop their brains out and put candle inside their skull. n' uh yeah, he literally did it in the comic. i was honestly surpised that marvel come up with smth that creepy. it really sounds more alined with dc, if anything. but either way, here they are. two *grieving* psychos going downtown. they will make one another so much worse, i imagine. n' they will totally kill that npc dude btw.

2. dark magic n' the drip. or jon n' jack at their corniest. like, jonathan looks like he watched too much the nightmare before christmas n' jack dress up like count dracula for no reason. it's so random-ish n' cheesy. but with this being said, i love both of those designs, n' think, that they really suit the vibe of comic issues in which they were featured. jack always came off as a he-witch to me, but it was nice to see it being played on in a different way. n' then, crane really rocks his own outfit as well. i totally need to draw him in it more often, haha. they dress up for a halloween party for real this time. n' well, i added batman n' spiderman into the mix here, bc i kinda wish that they got to fight / interact with those versions of jon n' jack. it would have been fun for a few reasons. also this can be technically counted as shipping art, but can be viewed as your typical gloating bad guy n' helpless hero thing too. n' to clear any possible questions, i only create stuff with adult peter parker. like cartoon era/late early comics, 20 smth one. i love my spiderman being of age, where he can legally mingle with his villains, not be detained at school lol.

3. the classic four from the timeline, when the comic plots were a bit more ligthearted. aka during the times, when the deadly mercenary n' crazy scientist were robbing banks, instead of harming *torturing* people. i love dark stuff, but there is charm to how 'simple' the scarecrow's and jack's goals once were. n' i love how the scarecrow used to do the lil, dorky dances. it really suits him. n' since at least 2 or maybe, most of jack o' lanterns are southernish in their roots like jon, i had an idea of them having a country dance *in the middle of graveyard* kinda just makes sense to me, haha. batman and spiderman merely happen to find them like that. n' well, it's kinda awkward. esp bc they technically don't do anything bad. i also imagine spiderman being like 'oh, so you have one of those too'. which is mostly a ref to how both the scarecrow n' jack were called 'the reject from land of oz' by other characters. they can rejoice here.

4. the develish & undead duo!! my friend once told me to try n' watch older superhero cartoons, and at first i was like 'welp, they prob be hella boring'. but then i caved in, n' watched a couple of superfriends episodes. as result, i fell in love with their scarecrow's desingh! it was unexpected tbh. usually, i prefer jon's older, classic scarecrow look. so no straw hair, less features exposed, just a hat n' a sack on his head, but their version of him actually did it for me. i find their crane both creepy n' cute. n' i also read on wiki, that he might be undead. so that bit interested me as well. non-human jonathan crane, what a concept! him returning from the grave just to be a menace to batman. n' to accompany him, there is an undead jack o' lantern from the ghost rider comic. his corpse literally got possessed by satan. anyways, both of them raised army of zombies. both of them undead n' prob won't ever get out of their spooky suits, since i don't think that they can. n' funny enough, jack's hometown was called sleepy hollows, if i remember correctly. so they can haunt people there, make it into a truly cursed land.

5. the last one was kinda spontaneous on my part. the other day, i was looking at what kind of action figures the scarecrow n' jack have. saw one, where jon was looking kinda strange, all black n' yellow. which is how i find out that he *apparently* got yellow lantern powers in newer comics, even if it was like for 10 seconds or smth. i didn't read the issue itself, but i found the idea kinda fun, n' his design was decent enough for me to get interested n' wonder what i can do with it. then, a bit later, i saw that jack had a venom-funko figure. i don't think, that he was ever canonically venomized in any of the actual comic issues, but once again, the mere idea of it happening was enough for me to consider doing smth with it. i mean, a venom-like tongue, but its made out of fire? dang. that's kinda cool. so yeah. the yellow lantern scarecrow n' symbiote jack o' lantern being the double trouble. if they weren't enough of a mean goblin-man before, now they surely will be.

[mjohnso]

Three Futures

Even as I eulogized the doll concept in 2019, I knew it would return. History supported me in this belief. As I noted in my introduction to Doll People: A Compendium of the Doll Concept the doll concept is cyclical. Groups and singers will reach for it frequently until they do not. Then it will lie dormant for months or years before making a comeback. Case and point: I have never found a single instance of the doll concept that dates to any year between 2003 and 2007. But following the release of SNSD's "Gee" in 2009 though, it was suddenly everywhere. By 2018 though, its popularity waned and it all but disappeared.

That is until now. There are indications that the doll concept may return, although I hesitate to call it a comeback. The numbers are not there right now. Unlike other moments though, the present one feels more heavy with potential, as if this could and maybe will being changing soon. Leaning into this feeling, below I wrote about three instances of the doll concept from this year. They not only represent three different takes, illustrating what I mean when I talk about its elastic nature, but they also offer glimpses into a possible future that may yet come to pass.

(G)I-DLE – “Tomboy” Release Date: March 14, 2022

When Soyeon emphatically declared herself to be “not a doll” in (G)I-DLE’s “Tomboy” she was not breaking new ground much as adding her voice to a chorus that already exists. Others have declared in songs that they are also not dolls, like the girl group Sunny Days. In their 2015 single, “Blah Blah,” they sang, “I don’t wanna be a baby doll/I’m not your baby doll what” telling off an ex-boyfriend who refuses to leave them alone. Likewise, Nine Muses’ Euaerin in their 2013 single "Glue" declared herself free from the baggage of a past relationship, announcing, “You’re bad news to me, no more, I’m not your doll.” And as for CLC’s Yeeun, in her 2020 song “Barbie Doll” she makes it clear that she is both not a Barbie doll but also “won’t play with dolls.”

Technically, Soyeon’s declaration is not wrong. She is not a doll, but in the “Tomboy” music video, she and the other members do have doll counterparts. The dolls first appear around the 2:10 mark, during which the video undergoes a distinct visual shift. Before that point, the members of (g)-idle play the main parts. After a quick shot of a closing clapboard the dolls temporarily take over, kidnapping their ex-boyfriend—also played by a doll—and getting their revenge.

While this may appear to put "Tomboy"-as-song and "Tomboy"-as-music video in conflict, there is no tension here. How the lyrics of this, and similar songs, use the doll differs from how it usually plays out in the video. In the song, ‘doll’ is used as a metaphor, with Soyeon rejecting not the doll as an object but the meaning it carries. In the context of the video, the use of dolls creates a visual distinction between the action of the music video versus the film embedded in the music video. In doing so though, it reduces the doll to its very utility, in a way not often seen in the doll concept. That is this is the doll as prop, or object.

CHOBOM – “Copycat” Release Date: July 13, 2022

It took an M! Countdown stage to sell me on the idea that CHOBOM’s “Copycat” music video counts as an instance of the doll concept. Before, despite teaser images showing Bomi and Chorong as dolls I waffled. If indeed a doll concept, their take seemed too subtle, contrary to other versions that announce themselves as such. I expected a doll concept about twin dolls escaping (the premise of their video, according to Bomi) to look something like the video for Song Ji Eun’s 2016 single “Bobby Doll”. Before even hitting the play button, that concept is clear from the song’s title alone. The lyrics (“Take me out of this box/I’m your bobby doll/Baby, on your bobby doll/Play with me”) and video then further emphasize it. In the case of the latter, there are multiple shots of Song Ji Eun as a doll, including her seated in a chair on a rotating platform, arms bent at sharp right angles, expression frozen, and also dancing while strung up as a marionette.

CHOBOM’s “Copycat” music video is never that obvious. Instead, in the video scenes where the doll concept is most present, it is in the details, literally background to the action. Opening with a woman dressed in white pushing a rolling cart down a hallway, adorning the walls behind her are shelves decorated with various mannequin heads, hands, and anatomical torso models and heads. She enters a tiled room that, like the hallway, is full of doll parts, including heads, hands, and legs. Life-sized mannequins line the wall, and it is among these that the woman places the twin dolls, Chorong and Bomi, styled identically from their blonde hair to white dresses. On the wall behind them is a poster titled “Diagram of a Doll.”

There are several other shots where the doll concept does peek through, including a memorable scene where Chorong and Bomi literally come apart, although that is all it ever does. It neither asserts nor reveals itself as a keystone detail of the music video. At most, it serves as a fun detail, on par with the cat motifs, both playing on the song’s title. Dolls are, as attested to by all of the identical mannequins in the video and doll parts, mass-manufactured and frequently identical, which is to say they are copies, at least of each other. Ironically, the same cannot be said for their take on the doll concept.

Red Velvet – “Feel My Rhythm” Release Date: March 21, 2022 Among these three takes on the doll concept, Red Velvet’s “Feel My Rhythm” is unlike the others. Theirs is a more traditional take, in line with the version of the doll concept popular among the second generation. That is the members, not actual dolls, play the part of the dolls. For example, in their individual ‘calmato’ video teasers, each member is styled as a music box ballerina, complete with white tulle skirt and pink tweed bustier top, posed on a round base decorated with Rococo flourishes against a black background. As a music box version of Bach’s “Air on the G String” plays, the platform rotates and moves but Red Velvet is fixed in a pose.

In another of their ‘calmato’ teasers, this time a still photo, the members are again cast as music box figurines, in the same pose, on the same platforms in the same outfits, only now wearing pointe shoes. Instead of being set against a black background, they are literally in the center of a larger tableau, resting on a bureau. On either side of them are various objects including a teddy bear, vases of flowers, bottles of perfume, and porcelain figurines, none of which Red Velvet towers over as much as matches their size. The implication here is not that these objects are huge, but that the members are small.

In the scheme of the doll concept, none of this is especially innovative, which may also make its inclusion here questionable. Indeed, it may appear to undercut my earlier point that the doll concept is undergoing any change. Yet I have included it here since I believe that given both the Standard Doll Concept’s popularity and ubiquity in previous years, it is unlikely to disappear. If anything, while the frequency of its use may decrease, as Red Velvet shows, it will always have a place and a purpose.

[bisluthq]

There's also other options as in they having parents (or someone else) bankrolling all their little heart desires, which lucky you. It's not the case for a lot of people. Again, there's a lot of people out there actually struggling to even have food to eat. How much of an asshole do you have to be really?

Or maybe they do have a job, but no children or pets and Taylor is basically their only hobby so everything they earn goes to that. Couldn't be me, I actually have the problem of constantly finding out new hobbies to try and obssess over and have to pick and choose before investing. And idk if it's because european culture is a bit different, but I also legit find a waste of money to buy multiple versions and specially merch. I like collecting stuff too, but like if it's an expensive collection I immediately feel the need to choose carefully the ones I like best. The fact that a lot of swifties buy multiple vinyls and don't even use them is even more of a nonsense to me.

And then the merch, I get if there's like a really cute original thing in a drop but other than that...I personally find most merch drops kinda full of crap and/or ugly stuff. Now with the whole relationship thing, it's wild swifties are actually buying merch about a relationship. The shops are just cashing on your stupidity really. I see swifties finding it hilarious and loving the whole thing and I wonder if they are self aware to realize that fans of a singer buying stuff featuring her boyfriend is ridiculous. Who does that? It's not your relationship, why are you spending money on things like that? And no, people aren't selling themed stuff because they are soulmates and royalty. It's because of your dumbasses

yea look it also couldn't be me. I've said before here I've never bought any Taylor crap but I realised subsequently I lied because I have the (stolen) Speak Now CD but tbf it was not really crap because when I bought it like streaming wasn't a thing so idk I do have that CD as it turns out. The others I think I just Limewired tho ngl. Also when I say I have it, I mean my mum has it because I've never collected my DVDs or CDs from her ever because I... don't need them... but yea I do have that CD technically as a thing that I nominally own. I don't collect merch or Taylor stuff so that's it tho.

I *do* collect shoes and I'm really quite fussy and particular and have spent obscene amounts of money on them and I know it's very stupid but I like... shoes... and I also collect books and some other things also. I do (again nominally) own some crap from like shit I was into as a teen but as an adult I don't spend money on merch or posters and I don't buy physical copies of albums because I... pay for Apple Music every month specifically to avoid that and my brother pays for Spotify so I also have that?? So why would I need a CD right like???

The really obscene thing that I really want is a Le Creuset collection and I've said this multiple times but I really cannot justify purchasing any of their stuff and whenever I've brought it up as shit I want people just gift me the mugs. So now I have like 4 or 5 mugs/cups which are really very fucking cool but I wish they'd give me a casserole pot or a pan? I know it's expensive but like can't they go in on it or something lol? Also I want the yellow ones and NO ONE has ever given me a yellow thingie. I've got multiple shades of blue and a green one but like??? Also the one is an espresso one and I don't even drink espresso like cute idea but again guys just go in on a casserole one. For my 25th I like REALLY wanted this btw and I got a knockoff casserole dish from my ex and I must say it looks a lot like Le Creuset but it's NOT and I felt very Swiftie in terms of like "OKAY BUT THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!!!!!" even though it kinda looks the same and performs the exact same function but actually if it had been in yellow I'd have prob liked it a lot more but even she got me a shade of blue one and she SPECIFICALLY SAID it's because it matches the cups and I was like "BUT WHY ARE THE CUPS BLUE!!!!?????" Anyhow.

I'm not gonna judge people for being into stupid shit lol. If you want to collect Taylor crap that is entirely your own business and I wish you well in that endeavour and if it makes you happy to look at your Taylor crap even better. I also have like little thingies (like little elephants and a little fairy and other little crap) that I have all set up in like a little shrine to my crap tbh and I'm not gonna lie, it makes me happy to look at my crap shrine. So if your version of that is Taylor crap, fucking aces away to you.

If you want or need new tech, that's great and you should go buy that stuff like if you can afford it. I am not gonna woe is me my life or pretend my shit isn't - imo - expensive. I've got an iPhone 11 and a MacBook Air and I have AirPods and like idk I think I could live without these things but I do like them and whatnot. I will eventually upgrade my phone like when it stops doing what I need it to do and I will probably like my shiny new one lol. But rn why would I bother?

I *am* gonna judge you though for being weird and elitist tho because, again as you anon have said, people are struggling to get food and essentials for home and you're popping off about a literal millionaire's mid range phone? And about another millionaire's TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR gift to his fiancee? OKAY THEN. Wow.

[supercap2319]

Crash World

Pairing: Sky x Male Reader

A/N: On a family road trip and came up with this idea lol

“So… How close are you and the otherworld version of me?” Sky asked Y/N. They were sitting around a fire in the forest thinking of a plan to beat Y/N’s evil self. The ruler of this world.

Y/N looked into Sky’s shiny blue eyes that always made his heart skip a beat whenever they were fixated on him. He looked at Y/N curiously awaiting his answer, his darken hair was messy and wild, but still made him look handsome. Y/N gave Sky a sad smile.

“We're pretty close in my world. You're actually my best friend, but...”

“…But what?” Sky asked him.

“But if you're wondering if we're together in my world. Let's just say that you don't exactly bat for both teams,” Y/N said.

“You mean that I'm not–”

“–That you're not attracted to men as well as women? Yup. The moment you saw my sister you fell head over heels in love with her.” Sky could hear the tiniest bit of bitterness in Y/N’s voice as he confessed this. Sky felt bad for Y/N. What idiot version of him would allow Y/N to slip through his fingers. If only he could have saved his own Y/N maybe things would have turned out differently.

“I'm sorry,” Sky apologized.

“For what? It wasn't your fault. I mean, I can't force the other you to love me if he doesn't. And as much as it sucks, it's just how things are,” Y/N said.

“That's a very mature attitude, Y/N.”

“Well, that's me. Mister Mature.”

Sky chuckles at that as Y/N bushes a tiny bit and looks down at his feet. “I feel like I should be the one apologizing. I mean, technically speaking I'm the reason for all this. The evil me I mean. I'll help you in any way that I can, Sky.” Y/N looked up as the young Prince as he got closer to Y/N and towered over him, as the ice fairy blushed.

“Really? You'll help me stop yourself?” Sky asked him.

I will, but first I think we should start by taking down that ice wall that has everyone trapped. No sense in innocent people getting hurt,” Y/N said.

“You care about others, don't you? Just like my Y/N used to.”

“Maybe we can bring him back to the good side, Sky. There might be a chance.”

“I appreciate your kindness, but we need to focus on what’s important, and right now is stopping the evil you,” Sky said.

“Let's go hunting then.” Y/N got up and turned to walk down the beaten path, but Sky grabbed his arm and turned him around to face him. Y/N frowned as Sky’s eyes were clouded with some kind of emotion that Y/N didn't recognize.

“Sky what’s going on–”

Whatever Y/N was going to say was cut off as Sky leaned down and kissed him on the lips. Y/N’s sincerity gave Sky something he hadn’t had in a long time. Hope. Hope that they could somehow win in this impossible situation they were in.

Sky pulled back and grinned at a shocked and blushing Y/N. “Consider that good luck kiss.”

Y/N licked his lips, as he tasted Sky on them as he innocently asked. “Can we do that again sometime?”

“Maybe later, killer. Come on.” They moved to walk, but stopped when they noticed someone standing in front of them. It was Y/N, but the evil version of him. Dressed in dark clothes and pointed wings as he glanced at the two heroes.

“Well, isn't this a surprise? My ex-boyfriend and my slutty Doppelganger together. How quaint.”

Y/N stepped forward as he glared at his evil self. “I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone else.”

Y/N evil self scoffed. And here I was so looking forward to meeting myself. Don't tell me I’ve become good in your world?”

“Damn good.”

“Well, let’s see what you can do.” Y/N’s evil version sent an icy blast at him and Sky.

[got-svt]

signs

order up !  large americano at 75% sweetness, a slice of strawberry shortcake, and a slice of cherry pie with mingyu for anon <3 order notes :  mingyu x reader, angst, fluff, a first date, brief mentions of other members, cameo from eunwoo bec i watched true beauty and was in need of another 97 liner, and a very nervous mingyu, he just wants everything to go well smh look, something’s written on your cup... hi ! for transparency’s sake this is an edited version of something that i posted a while back that i deleted. so if you are the anon who requested this but couldn’t find it, here it is now ! 

summary : all mingyu wanted was to go on one nice date with you, was that too much to ask? well, according to the universe, it was.

word count : ~2.8k

The first sign was he woke up a little too late, technically it wasn’t even a sign, considering that it was entirely his fault anyway. Mingyu had spent all of the previous night preparing for your date with him — making little sandwiches, cutting up some fruit, baking cookies to be put in little plastic containers. After hearing that you hadn’t been to the park in quite a while, never really having a reason to go, he decided that a picnic wasn’t too bad of an idea for a first date. 

Mingyu had wanted to ask you out for the longest time, being friends with him ever since both of you knew how to talk. It was easy, your friendship with him. Neither of you ever felt like you had to put up some sort of front, or have walls up incredibly high. He asked you out in the most casual of ways too, like it wasn’t that big of a deal. You couldn’t tell but on the inside, he was freaking out — that came with not knowing how you’d react and the possibility of rejection.

“Are you free tomorrow?” Mingyu asked, unable to meet your eyes.

You nodded, slightly confused at his inability to match your gaze.

“Okay, I was thinking we can go to the park tomorrow since you told me you haven’t been there in a while. Maybe we could go on a picnic?” He spoke as if he didn’t start preparing for this days ago, looking up fun things to do while on a picnic or a park — picking wildflowers together was high up on the list of things he wanted to do with you.

“Oh, sure! I’ll text Wonwoo and the others to see if they want to join us—”

“No!” Mingyu exclaimed, a little too loud and a little too quickly, a hand in front of you like he was about to physically stop you from doing something. “I was thinking that it could be just the two of us, you know?”

He hoped you would pick up on it, the implication from the nervous tone in his voice, how when he finally gazed up at you with softness in his yes. He was asking you out, on a date. Mingyu wished that you could tell. Unfortunately for him, you didn’t.

You shrugged your shoulders before giving him a smile, “Sure! We’ll meet there at around 10?”

And he couldn’t tell that you didn’t pick up on it either.

Mingyu woke up groggy that morning, his phone on the bedside table, calling out to him with the sound of a text notification. 

[Y/N]: where are you? I’m already here >:(

His eyes widened, falling off his bed in shock once he realized it was already five minutes past 10 am. Mingyu took a shower, put on his clothes, grabbed everything he needed, and sped past the door in twenty minutes. This was not how he planned it out in his head. Mingyu was supposed to surprise you at your place, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. No matter, he still had the rest of the day to sweep you off your feet and ask you to be his.

The sun shone brightly that morning, but it was neither hot nor humid. It was actually the perfect to be outside, with multiple white clouds littering the pale blue sky, a soft breeze blowing through the blades of grass, children running around playing tag — their laughter filling the air. Mingyu smiled, determined that today was going to be perfect

His eyes scanned around the are for any sight of your familiar figure, eyes lighting up when he finally spots you. Mingyu makes his way over, the nervousness that slowly started to creep up on him becoming amplified once he realizes that you were talking to someone else. 

The first thing he noticed was how big your smile was as you talked to this person, stretching across your face and crinkling your eyes. Did you ever smile this much around him? You stood a few feet away from the man, but you were very clearly comfortable around him — lightly pushing his shoulder as you laughed, peering up at him through your eye lashes. You finally notice him walking to you, waving your hand and beckoning him to move quicker.

“Hey Gyu!” You grinned, greeting him like you always did, a quick one armed side-hug.

“Hi, Yn.” Mingyu attempted a smile, but it felt a little restrained, gesturing to the person you were just talking to, “Who’s this?”

“Oh! This is Eunwoo, we dated a while ago but it never really worked out.” You shrugged, waving it off like it wasn’t that big of a deal. “You were taking so long and I happened to run into him so we were just catching up a bit.”

“I see..” He trailed off, holding a hand out for Eunwoo to shake. He had known you for years now, and yet he had never heard you mention an Eunwoo to him before. “Nice to meet you, man.”

“Likewise.” Eunwoo replied, shaking Mingyu’s hand before turning to face you. “I won’t keep you too long. My number’s still the same, we should meet up for coffee sometime.”

Mingyu couldn’t help but furrow his brows at the sight of you enthusiastically accepting Eunwoo’s invitation. The little tug on his heartstrings was hard to ignore as he watched you give a quick hug goodbye to your ex-boyfriend — a very attractive ex-boyfriend for that matter. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, why did he have to wake up so late? If he had been there on time, you wouldn’t have been able to catch up with him for as long as you did. If he had stuck to his original plan of picking you up, you probably wouldn’t have seen him at all. 

Kim Mingyu wasn’t the jealous type, but in that moment, he couldn’t help but feel exactly that. Especially when he had been pining after for you for so long now, he didn’t want it to come crashing down just because of one person. 

“You’re pouting.” You commented, quickly noticing how uncharacteristically quiet he had become. The two of you walked side by side, hands ever so slightly brushing against one another. You hoped that the warm weather would be enough of an excuse for the red flush that made its way to your cheeks.

Mingyu shook his head, he didn’t mean to have you worrying for him. “Don’t worry about it.”

His reply made you even more skeptical, should there be something you’re meant to be worrying about? But you decided to drop the question, maybe it truly wasn’t that big of a deal.

You and Mingyu found a spot in a less crowded area of the park, you no longer the heard the sound of children screaming or their exhausted parents calling out over them. Instead the melodious sounds of birds tweeting up at the sky filled your ears, a delicate wind blew between the two of you, and the sun’s glare becoming much softer as it finally became covered by the clouds. 

He takes out a blue picnic blanket and lays it flat on the ground, smoothing out imaginary creases in the process. You hold a hand out to him, wordlessly letting him know that you’d like to set the picnic up with him. Mingyu hands you the picnic basket, and you spent the next couple of minutes in silence as you tried to make everything look almost picture perfect. The silence was far from uncomfortable, manifested by the small smiles and the growing blushes on both of your faces. There was something rather domestic about the activity, handing him different containers of food, deciding together where everything should be placed.

“Did you make these yourself?” You asked once both of you finally settled down, gesturing to the wide array of food that lay in front of you. 

Mingyu smiled, a hand on the back of his neck as he suddenly became ever so slightly bashful, “Yeah. I hope you like it.”

You take a bite of one of the chocolate chip cookies, something in you decided to tease him a little, making a face of slight disgust as you swallowed. His heart sank, a look of disappointment clearly covering his face. He spent all night making those, weren’t they up to your standard?

Panic washes over you as you saw a frown overtake his once smiling face, “I’m kidding! They’re good.”

Mingyu lets out a breath, the disappointment slowly disappearing as the two of you settled into an easy conversation, though that was never really difficult for the two of you. You and him have been friends for about a few years now, but he didn’t really know when exactly he started to see you as something more. He just knew that he did. This much was clear to him when he catches himself staring at you for a little too long, definitely longer than what would be considered normal. There was just something about you that enchanted him, whether it was you laughing over some silly joke he made, frowning as you become disappointed in the latest episode of a show you were watching, face illuminated by the light of a tv screen. You could be reading him your grocery list and he’d still think it was the most interesting thing in the world. 

The extent of his feelings terrified him the first time he realized they were there in the first place. Mingyu wasn’t meant to feel that way for you, one of his closest friends. But he did, and the thought of you possibly not feeling the same way terrified him even more. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked, head tilted to the side, “Do I have something on my face?”

Mingyu shook his head quickly, he didn’t mean to stare again.

You felt a sharp sting on your ankle, wincing as you immediately yelped from the pain, “Ouch!”

“What’s wrong?” Mingyu asked, eyes alight with concern. 

You shook your head in response, thinking it was just a lone ant deciding to inconvenience you. That thought was quickly dismissed when you felt another equally sharp sting near that same area. 

“Oh no…” You trailed off, looking a few meters to the side of your picnic blanket,  “Mingyu…”

“Oh!” He exclaimed, following your gaze to the trail of ants that were quickly making their way to the two of you. Great, was nature against him too?

The both of you immediately got up, covering containers, placing them in the basket, and folding up the picnic blanket before the rest of the ants could step their tiny little feet onto the blanket and into the food. As you walked to find a new spot to continue the rest of your date, Mingyu couldn’t help but feel a little bit discouraged. Three things had gone wrong in the span of a few hours, was this just the universe warning him that the two of you will never work out? Maybe telling him to back off early before he gets his heart broken. 

In the distance, a low rumble breaks through what would’ve been the perfect day out, followed by a sharp crackle piercing through the air. The sky once a brilliant blue was suddenly covered in heavy, stormy clouds. The park that once basked in the sun’s golden glow became shrouded in gray, people seemed to know what was about to happen as they hurriedly packed their things and go home.

It started out a small droplets, like little kisses on your skin that almost felt like nothing. They were small, and they fell ever so slowly. For a brief moment, Mingyu thought that this was going to be over quick. Then suddenly, the sky weeped, loud and heavy as it drenched the entirety of the park in rain. 

Okay, nature was definitely against him now. 

Mingyu stopped walking, was there even a point to moving forward? Everything was ruined. The food should be inedible at this point, you and him were soaked and freezing, and it’s not like you could have a picnic on muddy park soil. At this point, the universe had sent him so many signs, he’d feel like a fool if he didn’t listen now. But still, he wished things had happened the way it did in his head. He let out a frustrated groan, tears nearly pricking the corners of his eyes.

“Are you okay?” You asked, a gentle hand on his shoulder. Mingyu was very clearly distressed, but you failed to see why. It’s nature, it’s not something you or him could control. Things like this happen and you should be spending your energy trying to find a place to shelter yourselves from the rain. You grab onto his arm, trying to pull him away, “Come on, let’s find a place that can cover us.”

“No! I’m not okay, Yn…” He trailed off, agitation seeping into each and every one of his words. He shrugs off his arm, much to your surprise. Usually, he’d let you cling onto him for as long as you liked. “I just wanted today to be perfect.”

You furrowed your brows, slightly confused at his irritation, “Why does it matter if today is perfect or not?”

Mingyu sighed, he was getting cold now. He wanted nothing more to be wrapped up in a blanket and have you in his arms. But he knew the chances of the happening now are essentially slim to none. The day was already ruined, and there’s nothing he could do to even remotely salvage it. “I just…”

You gestured for him to continue, waiting patiently as he tried to find the words to say.

“I wanted to give you the perfect date…” He spoke, looking down at his feet.

“Wait, this was a date?” You didn’t mean to sound surprised, you just genuinely were. Voice raising octaves and eyebrows shot up, talking too quickly to catch most of the words, “Like a date-date? I thought we were just hanging out! All you asked me yesterday was whether or not I was free!”

Mingyu’s shoulder’s slumped. He didn’t have to ask you to repeat himself, he heard you clearly despite how hard the rain currently came down, the beating of his own heart deafening him. In a way, he was thankful for the rain; at least you wouldn’t be able to tell if a few tears escaped his eyes. “I’m sorry, I just thought…yeah, no. I should have expected this.”

Guilt immediately flooded your senses, he must’ve read your shock as a rejection of his feelings. You didn’t mean to sound so startled at him thinking the entire day as a date, you just couldn’t believe the possibility that he felt the same way you did for him. “Mingyu.”

You were sure if he had heard you, his gaze still on the ground. You called out to him again, this time your voice much louder and sterner, hoping that it would get his attention. “Gyu.”

“What is it, Yn?” He looked up to find you making your way towards him, a small pout forming on your lips. Mingyu sighed, “You don’t have to do this. I’ll be fine.” 

“I like you.” You spoke, just as you were about a few feet away from him, looking into his eyes to make sure he knew that you meant it — that you were being completely serious.

His world stopped. Suddenly, it seemed like the earlier events of the day never happened. He never woke up late, you hadn’t gotten the chance to catch-up with your ex-boyfriend, ants never tried to show up uninvited to your picnic, rain never poured down on the two of you. All these things he thought were signs from the universe, never occurred. There was only you and him, and you liked him back. 

“Oooooh you wanna kiss me so bad.” You teased, attempting to snap him out of his trance.

Mingyu didn’t mean to stare at you again, speechless. He just couldn’t believe that this was real just yet. But your words, how you looked at him with a smile — expectant, like you were challenging him to do something, to make a move — finally made him realize just how real this was. “And what if I do?”

You blinked back, not expecting that bold of a response. Still, you took a single step forward, further closing the already small distance between the two of you. “I’d let you.”

Without another word, he moves a hand to your chin, gently tilting your face up so his lips could meet yours in a kiss.

— thank you for visiting cafe amore ! feel like ordering something else? check the menu here.

[serendipityseulgi]

8 Ways of Love;

— park seonghwa

according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:

･*:༅｡ the one known as pragma, the enduring love.

aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find. 

8 ways of love series; version i

A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between. 

love catalyst: the subconscious.

At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.

“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.

“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.

“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.

“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.

“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.” 

“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”

Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.

After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs. 

“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body. 

Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox. 

The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.

“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.

Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.

For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.

 At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.

“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.

“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”

“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.

“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you. 

His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life. 

When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed. 

Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.

“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.

You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.

“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”

“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”

“Like what?!” 

“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.

“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”

“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.

You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.

“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.

“Oh god, you still remember that?” 

Of course you do. 

“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.” 

He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend. 

“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you. 

“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”

His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”

“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.

“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh. 

You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.

“What if we break up... like eventually?” 

You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”

“That easy?”

“That easy.” you nod. 

“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.

“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.

You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend. 

In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.

Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.

At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time. 

seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm

y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :( 

plsssssss

i’m sorry

can u let me come over and talk to u

Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.

You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.

you; delivered 4:26 pm

no

i’m mad at u.

seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm

:(

you; delivered 4:27 pm

can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me

seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm

ouch.

Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.

you; delivered 4:28 pm

ur actually annoying

seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm

ya ik i am

but yk what i’m not

someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them

so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize

stop being a meanie and let me say sorry

Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way. 

You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.

“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”

“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!” he panics. 

“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”

“That wasn’t my intention-”

“Were you trying to make me mad?”

“No, y/n.”

“Did you do it to make me jealous?”

“No!”

“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”

“I don’t know, okay!”

“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong. 

“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”

Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.

“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”

Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”

“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.

“Do you mean it?” you ask.

He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.

“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.

“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.

“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.

“Me too.”

“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.

“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”

“Okay.”

And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.

So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.

At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.

“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.

“Seonghwa...”

“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.

Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.

“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.

“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.

“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.

You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.

“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.

“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving. 

You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him. 

“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”

Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.

You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.

You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.

“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before. 

He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.

“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.

“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.

And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.

You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.

It felt like home.

His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.

Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell. 

“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.

He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss. 

"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.

You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips. 

“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust. 

And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy. 

“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you  know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”

You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you. 

And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.

“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you. 

So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him. 

At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.

You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.

While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another. 

Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.

It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.

Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.

The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates. 

But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.

You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.

“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his. 

“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry. 

“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement. 

You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.

You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.

“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.

“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”

“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.

“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.

You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”

Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.

“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.

You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.

You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.

At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half. 

Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.

And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.

“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.

“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture. 

“I missed you mom.” you say.

“And I missed you even more.” 

You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.

“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.

“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.

“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.

“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.

“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”

“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.

After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement. 

“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.

“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.

“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.

“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.

And you meant it, truly. 

You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him. 

You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules. 

Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.

“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.

“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.

“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.

As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.

You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.

But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.

On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much. 

Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him. 

You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.

And then you see him.

His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.

“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly. 

“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.

“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”

“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.

“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.

“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.

“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.

“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”

“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.

You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.

“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.

“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.

“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.

“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”

“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.

“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.

“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.

“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.

“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.

“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her. 

Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.

Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation. 

Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too. 

Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.

“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.

“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.

“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees. 

“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.

“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”

“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.

The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it. 

But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another. 

This was a good thing.

At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.

“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.

“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?” 

“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”

His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.

Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another. 

The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you. 

And the kind of love that’s okay with it.

At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.

It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.

It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.

“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.

“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.

“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused. 

“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.

“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”

“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.

You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.

The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home. 

“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you. 

“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.

“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.

“Wait, you and Rosé...” 

He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”

“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”

“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”

You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”

“That’s good.” he smiles softly. 

“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.

“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.

“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table. 

The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories. 

After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup. 

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving. 

“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.

“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”

“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.

A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.

“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.

“Of course.”

“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”

You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.

“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”

Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.

“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.

“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.

When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.

“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.

“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.

You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.

“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.

Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.

“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.” 

Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home. 

“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.

“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”

You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.

It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire. 

Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.

The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you. 

The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.

It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.

You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time. 

“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.

“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”

So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.

It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.

It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.

The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.

You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.

“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.

“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks.

Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.

“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.

“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?” 

You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly. 

He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.

“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”

Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit. 

He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.

“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.

“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”

It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.

“You don’t have to then.” he states.

“I don’t?”

“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.

And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.

You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. 

“Okay, let’s get back together.”

So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.

And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.

And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.

And you finally marry him.

"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.” 

“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.” 

“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”

You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.

Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember. 

You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.

You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.

And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.

When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”

“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.

"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?” 

“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.

"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”

“I do.” you respond beaming.

"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.” 

“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

 “For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.

“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.”

As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another. 

“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”

And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.

“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.

“I love you so much.” you say.

“And I love you even more.” he returns.

So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time. 

And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.

LA FIN.

[thiswasinevitableid]

for the meet uglies, sternclay 60 sfw? OwO

Here you go!

60 Sterncly SFW. we’re both on a reality show (like the queer bachelor) where we’re told to be friends but the first time we met, you were incredibly rude and judgmental and I don’t know if I can do this for the damn cameras

“So, Barclay, now that we’re a few days in, what’s your impression of the other contestants?”

“They, uh, they all seem like great guys. We come from a lot of different backgrounds, so that’s kind of interesting to be around but, uh, I live in a place that’s like a big, chosen family, so being in a house with a bunch of types of personalities is kinda, uh, homey.”

“There’s no one you think you’ll struggle with?”

“Uh. Well. I, uh, I don’t like Joseph too much. He came in and he’s so, like, phony from all the years in the FBI. It’s like he’s trying to be polite and charming but really he thinks we’re all idiots for being here. Which, like, buddy, last I checked you signed up for this the same as the rest of us.”

------------------------------------------------------

“Joseph, any worries about the other contestants?”

“No. I mean, we’re competitors on a dating show, not enemies. I think we’re all trying to show Vincent the best versions of ourselves.”

“There’s no one you’ve had conflicts with?”

“........I, um, Barclay and I got into a small argument earlier about the house rules. But I’m sure if we both stick around long enough we’ll come to an understanding.”

----------------------------------------------------

“Gentlemen, this cannot continue.” Ned, the producer, sits on the couch across from them. Barclay glares at Joseph, but the other man keeps a cool demeanor. Great, he’s making Barclay look like the big, angry mountain even off camera.

“I thought reality shows needed conflict to thrive.” Joseph cocks an eyebrow.

“They do, but about big things, like love and rivalry. Not how to properly load a dishwasher.”

“I’m just trying to be efficient.”

“My way is perfectly fine.” Barclay snaps, “jesus, I worked in kitchens for years, I know how to get clean plates.”

“That doesn’t make it optimal.”

“Do you have to be right about everything?”

“Gentlemen, you recall we have a housekeeping staff, right?”

“It doesn’t matter” Barclay doesn’t take his eyes off Ned, “we’re supposed to all get along, not all try and prove we’re the smartest guy in the room.”

“See, this is your problem, you need everyone to like you, to see you like a big brother, but you’re missing the fact that at least three of them have decided your gentle giant persona is a threat and they’re trying to oust you.”

“It’s not a persona, it’s just how I am. We aren’t all government shams disguised as men.”

Joseph’s facade cracks for a moment, blue eyes trying to light Barclay on fire.

“Enough.” Ned shakes his head, “you may despise each other as much as you please behind the scenes. In front of the cameras, please try to act as if you’re not ten seconds away from coming to blows. Agreed?”

They trade a final, furious look.

“Agreed.”

------------------------------------------------------

They’re a little over three weeks in; Vincent is still doing lots and lots of short, individual dates between the group outings, so the contestants have ample time to hang around the house and get on each others nerves.

Case in point: Joseph was right when he warned Barclay that others saw him as a threat. Chad, Alex, Nico, and Rich have all decided to go after him. Just this morning he’s been told he’s not man enough for Vincent (he shooed a wolf spider out of the kitchen with a broom instead of squishing it), too girly (he offered to make cupcakes if people wanted), and too big (who'd want to fuck a six foot tall puppy).

His mood is not helped by Joseph chatting away on the couch about his former job with the FBI. Barclay swears it’s all the asshole knows how to talk about. Maybe it’s time for Barclay to play a game of his own.

“Hey, Joseph.”

The other man turns, black hair perfectly slicked back like he thinks he’s some kind of movie star.

“I bet you ten bucks you can’t make it until eight tonight without talking about your job.”

The other contestants in the room snicker, several even giving Barclay a thumbs up.

Joseph adjusts his shirt sleeves, “You’re on.”

Ten hours later, Barclay is forced to get his wallet. The other man never mentioned the FBI once. In fact, he did Barclay an even bigger favor; he didn’t talk at all.

He finds the agent sitting on the back steps leading into the garden. Stays standing as he holds out the cash, “you win fair and square.”

Joseph looks at the money, then looks away, “I did it to show I could, not for the bet.”

“I mean, you didn’t have to go, uh, quite so hard on the silence thing.”

“I didn’t mean to. But, um, every time I was going to open my mouth, I realized it was somehow related to work. So I kept quiet.” He sighs, stretches out his legs. He’s in slacks, because of course he is, “I must have been so tedious to listen to, no wonder I was driving you up the wall.”

“Joseph-”

“I really am married to my career. I guess it’s not surprising my last chance for love is on a T.V show.”

“Hey, I get it.” Barclay sits down next to him, “when I was first working in commercial kitchens my hours were crazy; I barely saw my apartment, my friends, my boyfriend who pretty quickly became my ex. But it was what I needed to do to build the career I wanted for myself. To do what I loved.”

Only the crickets and the distant waves reply. Then, “You said you were a private chef now, right? Along with writing cookbooks?”

“Yeah. Kinda surprised you remembered.”

“Listening is a major skill in my profession. Besides, it’s polite to pay attention to what people tell you.”

“What’s your job now? You only ever talk about the FBI stuff?”

“Paranormal investigation. I never bring it up because people assume I’m out chasing Bigfoot with a shaky-cam or trying to communicate with haunted dolls.”

“So...what is it instead?”

“Helping people figure out they’re homes aren’t haunted or the monster on their property is just some owls. I like the challenge of solving the mystery, and I like helping people feel safe in they’re homes.”

Loud voices form inside; the caterers must have refilled the bar. He doesn’t really want to go in. It’s too nice out here.

“You wanna hear about the restaurant my coworkers swore was haunted?”

Joseph perks up, turning to face him, “Yes, please.”

-----------------------------------------------------

He’d been really looking forward to beach day. Six guys are already gone, and Vincent has taken his fleet of suitors to the sunny San Diego shores. Barclay is dismayed to find all but three of the other guys have waxed their chests. Joseph hasn’t, but his happy trail is nothing compared to fucking black forest on Barclays torso. Nico’s gotten half the guys to call Barclay “bigfoot.”It makes him feel like he’s back in high school P.E freshman year, and his body image is rapidly sliding into that of a shy fourteen year old.

“Barclay!” Joseph comes jogging out of the surf towards the towels they lay down side by side when they arrived, “you should come in, it’s really the perfect weather for swimming.” He drops onto his towel, black hair a bit mussed. The swim-shorts that he thought were blue with green spots turn out to have not dots, but tiny UFOs on them.

“I, uh, I’m good. I, uh, I burn easily and I don’t think anyone wants to rub sunscreen on my hairy back.”

“Hey, Bigfoot, what’s wrong? Scared of what’ll happen if the cameras get a load of your gut?”

Barclay growls, stares at his toes. Joseph tracks Nico as he finishes jogging by. Then he calmly picks up a frisbee, aims a throw, and knocks his snapback off his head. He’s sitting down before the other man can work out who threw it. Barclay chuckles, but doesn’t get up.

“Bigfoot’s my favorite cryptid.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“And who gives a shit if you have a stomach.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re cut.”

Joseph grabs his sunglasses, “because I like that for my body. I happen to like yours just as much. Um I, I mean, it seems like Vincent likes it.” He tips his head towards the Bachelor, who gives them both a long once-over.

“...Will you do my back?”

“Of course, big guy.” The nickname sounds so right on his tongue it makes Barclay want to set his head in his lap and ask him to pet it.

It’s late afternoon when Ned herds them all onto a boat which promptly steers towards some cliffs. Joseph stays close to Barclay, pleasant expression noticeably tightening the closer they get to the rocks.

“I’ve been dreading this. Cliff diving is not something I’d pick to do on my own.”

“Heights?”

He shakes his head, “Deep water. I know it’s not rational, and I even checked to be sure there hadn’t been large shark sightings in the area, but I can never shake the feeling there’s something waiting just out of sight, ready to surge up and eat me.”

They all climb up together, Vincent staying on the boat to watch them jump (this is technically a friendly competition to show off how brave they are). As they’re turns get closer, Barclay sees Joseph doing deep breathing exercises.

They hit the edge. The agent freezes.

“Shit. I don’t think I can do this.”

“C’mon, where’s my daring special agent?”

Joseph still doesn’t move.

“You, uh, you wanna jump together? Maybe the megaladon or whatever will eat me instead.”

“Megalodons are extinct; we’d know if they weren’t, same as we know Whale Sharks aren’t.”

“They you are.” Barclay murmurs, smiling.

Joseph manages a smile back, “On three?”

“Yep. One, two” he grabs Joseph’s hand “three”

The water rises to swallow them with terrifying speed, but nothing is waiting for them except one very startled fish. They surface together, Joseph laughing triumphantly, hair plaster to his head and sun shining in his ocean eyes.

If Vincent doesn’t pick him, he’s out of his mind.

--------------------------------------------------------

“Ohmylord, we have to play this.” Joseph cannot believe his luck; he figured the barcade group date would mean a lot of solo time, but here’s his favorite game in the whole wide world.

“Monster Hunt?” Barclay laughs as he lets himself be lovingly shoved down into the seat of a cut-out Jeep, “very on brand.”

“They had this at the bowling alley near my house. I’d play when my parents had league night but couldn't get a sitter. I never could beat the Mothman level without a player two.”

He doesn’t have that problem tonight, even with Barclay distractingly delighted and handsome in the seat beside him. After that, they make it their mission to find every two-player game in the thrum of flashing colors and tinny music. He finds they both like the Bowser Bourbon Smash, and somewhere around their fourth, heated game of air hockey they each polish of one too many of them to stay upright without the support of a game, a helpful show staff member, or each other.

When they get back to the house (their fellow contestants all in a similar state to themselves) they manage to make it to Joseph’s room before collapsing into a giggling heap on the bed.

“That, hic, that was fun. Games are, hic, fun.” Barclay blinks at him, “what’re you laughing, hic, at.”

“You, you got the hiccups. S’funny because you’re so big, like, like watching a, a pitbull with a, um, a” he makes a squeezing motion that his sober self would recognize as “squeaky toy.”

“M’not big” Barclay pouts, “I, hic, maybe everyone else is, hic, just small. Ever think of th--hic--at.”

“S’not a bad thing.” Joseph shifts so they’re facing each other, “like how big you are. Makes you sexy.”

Barclay blushes, “you’re, hic, one to, to talk. You’re hot, so, hic, so fucking out. Got, got those eyes. That, hic, that face” He touches Joseph’s cheek, “love your face.”

“Love yours too.” Joseph says, stroking his beard. Then they’re moving in inelegant tandem, grabbing at each others shoulders and faces as their mouths find each other. Barclay is so warm, whimpering when Joseph rolls him on top, nipping his lips and pawing at him like a puppy hoping for a treat. Joseph is going to hold him close and let him have it.

A clatter from below, one of the other men knocking something over in the kitchen, breaks the spell.

“Wait, wait” Joseph reluctantly slides his hands of Barclays ass, “we, drunk, we’re drunk, too drunk.”

Barclay blinks down at him, pouting a little even as he groans “fuck, you’re, you’re right. Wanna, gotta remember this. Don’t wanna” he yawns, “regret it.” The instant he flops onto his back Joseph climbs into his arms and falls asleep to the slow rhythm of his breathing.

-----------------------------------------------

After that night, they agree to be more careful; they’re here for Vincent, to see if one of them is his true love. That’s what the contract they signed says.

“More careful” turns out to mean watching their alcohol intake around each other and only touching platonically (including falling asleep on the couch together. They wake up to cameras recording their nap. Barclay isn’t sure what Joseph threatens Ned with, but the footage never sees the light of day).

But unless they’re on a solo date with Vincent, they’re by each others side. Barclay teaches Joseph dominoes and how to make biscuits. Joseph introduces him to terrible old horror movies that they watch on his laptop and compliments his cooking every chance he gets.

They must be doing something right, because they move to the next round week after week, Vincent clearly enamored with both of them. Barclay certainly understands the feeling. Just not for the person who he’s supposed to.

“Joseph? If, uh, if neither of us win, what are you gonna do after this.”

“Go back to work. Maybe pitch my book about U.S cryptids.” Joseph’s smile goes shy for a moment before recovering, “but I wouldn’t worry, big guy; I think you’re the front runner for sure.”

Barclay knows for a fact that Joseph is a fan favorite and the suitor most people think will win. Which is why, when Vincent selects his final four, he’s not surprised Joseph gets the first rose. Then everyone but Barclay is holding one and Vincent is touching his shoulder.

“Barclay, please don’t take this as a sign I’m not deeply fond of you. This wasn’t an easy choice but I, well, I feel like your heart may not be in this anymore.”

He takes Vincent’s hand and squeezes it, “It’s okay. It was wonderful just to get to know you. All of you.” He looks at the final four, at Joseph’s calm, polite expression. He meets blue eyes as he says, “I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”

With that he turns, all too aware of the cameras tracking his exit, his face, how he’ll have to do a final interview and not reveal that he’ll hate Vincent forever but not blame him in the slightest if he marries Joseph.

“Wait!”

Every eye, lensed or no, turns back to the gazebo. Joseph is at the edge of the steps, poised to run. When he sees Barclay stop, he turns to Vincent.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t accept this.” He hands the bachelor the rose, “I hope you understand.”

There’s no soundtrack on set, but strings swell in his ears all the same as Joseph descends the stairs and leaps into his arms, kissing him so hard he still has stars in his eyes when he opens them.

“It’s not a marriage proposal” Joseph whispers, kissing his cheek, “but I do have a question for you.” He pulls back, all cameras on them but his attention for Barclay alone, “would you like to be my boyfriend, big guy?”

Barclay rests their foreheads together, “Yeah, babe, I really, really would.”

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Currently watching the chinese version of Fated to Love You (also called You're My Destiny). I watched the Taiwanese version like a decade ago and I've rewatched aspects of it here and there ever since Viki started becoming more of a thing. So I thought why not watch the chinese version? And I'm kind if liking it. It has a different energy than the Taiwanese version but I feel like it works and is super cute like the Taiwanese version. Also the lead couple have great chemistry so that always helps in a drama.

Also, I'm real glad that the chinese version decided to axe the plot where the reason the female lead gets pregnant is because her uncles, in an effort to save their jobs, drug the male lead and hire a call girl to have sex with him in that state so they can take scandalous photos and blackmail him, little did they know that the female lead would end up in the room with him instead of the call girl. So, really glad they decided to change that because that was always super gross to me and you know sexual assaulty and all that, not a strong meet cute for our lead couple at all. However, don't necessary like that the chinese drama instead replaces that plot with the male lead's assistant puncturing holes in his condoms because he wanted to give the male lead's grandmother a grandchild. That's also gross and not being respectful of what wouldve been Anna's wishes if Anna had stayed on the cruise. But I do like that our main couple's first time was after they spent the plot getting revenge on the female lead's ex boyfriend and then helping him save face on the cruise pretending to be Anna so he wouldn't be embarrassed about being jilted. Their first time instead of a gross drug/blackmail plot is instead based on them spending a suitable amount of time with eachother where they do respect eachother and in drunken stupors both consent to spending the night with eachother. I can still be grossed out about the condom thing but still be okay with how their one night stand turned out, and hey, at least in this drama, they make an effort to send a message about having safe sex. Whereas, in the Taiwanese version, it's kind of ambiguous if a condom was used at all or not. Although this does complicate things as far as the male lead's relationship with Anna. With the drug plotline, he's more or less a victim, his infidelity towards Anna was against his own will so it kind of absolves him a little. However, in this version, he doesnt have that, even though Anna left him alone on that cruise, they're still technically together so his infidelity in this is definitely his fault so as I get through more of the drama, it'll be interesting to see how that unfolds.

On the subject of Anna though, I've always had mixed feelings about her and her relationship with the male lead. Like I totally support her desire to put work first as a ballerina and I don't like how the male lead and his family aren't considerate about Anna's wishes to be a successful ballerina. Even in this version, it's still pretty bad. The whole reason the male lead even wanted to take Anna on this cruise was so he could propose to her in public and then get married on the ship and thereby trapping her and forestalling her career as a ballerina, also the punctured holes in the condoms too. In a lot of ways, I think this drama almost treats Anna's situation worse than in the Taiwanese version. BUT, I'm not completely on Team Anna here. I also think she's being a little unfair to the male lead. Clearly, her career as a ballerina is the most important thing to her, if she knows she can't truly dedicate herself to a relationship because of her job,if she's always going to put the relationship second then she probably shouldn't be in one. Just stringing along the male lead is also not very cool either. But I mean, he should also be honest to her about what he wants too instead of just allowing her to string him along. Like if they communicated with each other about what they both want, I feel like they probably would've come to an agreement that maybe a relationship isnt the best thing for them right now. But we wouldn't have a story if that happened, so there's that.

But yeah, this is an entertaining drama, it has some flaws but ultimately I still want to keep on watching. Differences here and there between the two versions and it makes for an interesting watch.

[hopetofantasy]

Culture, parallels & meta - S3 E1

Previous season Prologue: Vlogs (1) - Vlogs (2)

°

Zaterdag 21:43

The time lapse already showing us a string of places that will be important later, like the dark alley, the Meir with Noor’s workplace, the university neighborhood, the Scheldt river where the boys hang out, ...

Perfect parallel: 

The second season starts Zoë’s POV with a (washing machine) door, whilst the third opens with a door to a party that Robbe attends.

Robbe glances back at Noor passing through the shot this episode, an action he repeats when he spots Sander in the second episode. - A very subtle hint to where his love life may lead.

The first one starts with two unknown LGBT+ girls kissing at a party, the last episode shows two known LGBT+ boys (Sobbe) kissing at their own party.

The aerial shot through the floor to introduce us to Robbe’s POV here and the aerial shot through the roof to say goodbye to him in the last episode.

Moyo saying “No one would do you” to Aaron in this episode, Aaron realizing “No one here wants to do me!” in the last.

Where’s Wally? Noor greeting Marie, accompanied by Jana and Britt. Max dancing with Keisha in the crowd.

How ‘meta’ of you: Newsflash, yes you are!

Nod to the OG: 

The deliberate messy POV: following everyone that we know already and then slowly settling on the Isak version in a tub.

Robbe saying Noor looks like ‘Natalie Portman’, which is what people said to the OG Emma when they flirted with her. Everyone, except Isak, that is.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Moyo keeps pressuring Robbe into explaining what type of girl he likes. The boys laugh it off when he answers that ‘he doesn’t have a type’.

Lost in translation: Moyo mocks Noor’s Dutch accent, making his ‘g’ and ‘st’ sound harsher, while also adding ‘hoor’ at the end - a typical word used by the Dutch to emphasize a point.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is playing with the weed bag. Keisha is one of the girls that Moyo mentions as Jens’ ex-girlfriend or ex-fling. Not only did Noor nót flush the toilet, but she didn’t used any toilet paper either!

°

Zaterdag 22:44

C is for culture: 

Noor rescuing Robbe on her scooter - In Belgium, you’re allowed to drive a moped or scooter once you’ve reached the age of 16. Nothing is needed if the vehicle doesn’t go above 25 km/h. If it stays between the range of 25-45 km/h and max. 50 cc, you need to pass a theoretical exam, 4 hours of driver’s ed and a practical exam to get the license. Anything other than that, has a whole new set of restrictions, types of driver’s licenses and minimum ages.  Noor and Robbe are, however, still breaking the law. As long as you’re not 18, you’re not allowed to have an extra passenger with you. Especially if they’re not wearing a helmet. (Plus they ignored a red light. Those rebels!)

“You do know that you always have to have it with you?” - The Belgian law states that everyone above age twelve, has to get an ID to identify themselves. Some might have had a Kids-ID already - for travel purposes - but that’s not mandatory. However, once you're fifteen years old, you’re obligated to carry your ID with you at all times.

Perfect parallel:

Luca being all jealous whilst staring at Noor and Robbe making out in S3, her glaring at Maud and Robbe every chance she got in the last season.

Robbe and Noor having fun on the scooter while screaming and Robbe filming their adventure in this episode. Robbe and Sander doing a similar thing, but on their bikes in a later episode.

Wink to other remakes: Robbe sporting a brown jacket. (Eliott, anyone?)

Surprise bitch, guess who: It’s Willem Chanterie, the on-set costume designer and social media production assistant!

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has a ‘Fuck Trump’ sticker on her helmet. Robbe says “Hey, it’s red” in a very clear Antwerp accent. 

°

Zaterdag 23:11

Hello from the outside: The garbage truck they sprayed, still drove around the city regularly. The art piece itself is named ‘#Genoeg mama' (= ‘#Enough mommy’). It blames the consumer society as toxic, making young people its victim.

Oopsie: Inside the graffiti den, Noor suddenly sports a tote bag with supplies, even though we never saw her wearing that in the previous shots.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has black combat boots. The photographer is obviously Sander, in case you have missed that subtle clue.

°

Zondag 13:41

Lost in translation/Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: 

“Check die pekie’s”. The word ‘pekie’ is actually Amsterdam slang for ‘beautiful girl, girlfriend’. In recent years, more and more Dutch slang are making their way into the Flemish dialect, because of the Dutch rap songs gaining popularity with the youngsters.

“Vamos, flikkers”. The word ‘flikkers’ can mean ‘wussie’ as well as a derogatory term for ‘homosexual’. Again establishing the fact that the boys use a lot of homophobic or toxic words for each other.

Robbe’s clumsiness meter: +1, him tossing the bag behind Jens instead of into his hands.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: There is a football right next to the skateboards.

°

Maandag 16:04

C is for culture: “The whole art school was talking about it” - 

Secondary school is divided in four sections: general, technical, art and vocational. Which section you choose can have effect on further education. In one of these sections, you pick what you want to study from your first to last year (‘directions’). That means that you have some courses purely focused on the direction and others that are obligated for everyone, regardless.

Art high schoolers can choose to go to work or study a specialization afterwards. Their coursework isn’t solely art based, there are general required courses too. That’s why some foreigners - including the Dutch - come to Belgium, since they’ll get a more rounded and higher level of art education than in their countries. ‘de!KUNSTHUMANIORA’ is the high school in Antwerp Noor goes to and is known for having students with unique styles.

Perfect parallel: 

Noor waiting outside the school for Robbe and him reacting somewhat confused here, Sander doing the same and having an instantly happy Robbe in a later episode.

Robbe having no problem kissing a girl ‘as a straight guy’ in front of the gates in this episode and scared for what might happen if he kissed a boy ‘as a gay guy’ later on. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The insta caption underneath the art work says ‘An inspirational message on a Sunday! Just discovered this in Antwerp city today. Artist unknown... Can you remember when you last called on your mother?’ (That last sentence, oooofff, the symbolism!)

°

Dinsdag 14:57

C is for culture: 

“Yes, mini enterprises are so chill.” - Mini enterprises are often used as a tool for Economics in the fifth/sixth year. The goal of these is to ‘learn whilst doing it’. Like the name specifies, mini enterprises are actual miniature companies set up by a group of students. During the school year, they’ll try to work together on commercializing a product. All aspects of entrepreneurship are at play here: writing a business plan, holding meetings, doing bookkeeping, marketing the product, produce and sell it, ... If the enterprise idea is good or well executed, it might even win a national prize by the company making this education formula.

“What if he contacts child protection services” - Actually, those services doesn’t really exist in Belgium. There are, however, other youth organizations for these types of things, like JAC - Youth Advice Centre, CLB - Centre for Student Guidance and the Centre for Mental Healthcare.

Perfect parallel: The boys hyping Aaron up to walk over to Amber and talk to her - yet he fails in this episode, them doing the same and he succeeds (after some fails) in the last episode. 

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Jens saying “Damn, seems like someone is on his fucking period”, after Robbe snaps at him due to the difficult telephone call with his dad.

Lost in translation: Jens saying “Mijn kop staat er niet naar” (= “My head’s not standing there”) can actually mean different things: I’m not in the mood, it’s not the right time, I don't want to do it, my head’s all over the place, ... It depends on the context, on which interpretation would suit the situation the best. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The girls are all fawning all over Britt’s cellphone, so there is a good chance that they’re discussing (pictures of) her boyfriend, Sander. Also, Jana’s braces are gone! 

°

Donderdag 17:13

Perfect parallel: Robbe stating that he can’t talk to his dad or he’ll fight and Zoë getting that, as she said a similar thing to an understanding Senne about her parents in S2. 

How ‘meta’ of you: Ah, yes, fandom ship names in SKAM. We applaud!

Oopsie: If you look really hard, you see that the body type and hair of Robbe’s dad, doesn’t correspond with the version waiting at the restaurant later on.

Wink to other remakes: This shot reminding you of a certain S3 trailer?  👀

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The numerous references to Zoënne’s relationship in their room (relationship pics, Senne’s guitar). The paper Milan gifts to Robbe is the written permission by his parent to live with them, as is obligated by law.

°

Vrijdag 20:04

Perfect parallel: 

Senne pulling Zoë up after a kiss here, just like with their first kiss in S2.

Robbe pushing Milan away after thinking he wanted to kiss him at the party in S2, them hugging it out in after talking about it in S3.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Zoë and Milan making some healthy party snacks like cauliflower and cocktail sauce, cheese with tomatoes and salami squares. She pulls back the bottle of gin that Milan wants to steal. Senne also bought paprika and tortilla chips from Colruyt (a discount store).

°

Vrijdag 20:54

C is for culture: “Noor, Robbe’s girlfriend” - (Teen) dating culture is different in Belgium. Usually, if you have kissed, hung out, texted or just said/did something to show your mutual interest, you’d pretty much consider yourself in a relationship. It can go from 0 to 100 very quick. Unless there is, of course, an agreement that what you’re doing is no such thing. Also, nobody really ask you to be their gf/bf. It just implied or stated to their family or friends. 

Perfect parallel: 

A reluctant Robbe pushing himself to do stuff to Noor (playful dancing, kissing, riling her up) as far as putting his hands on her bra here. A totally different, excited Robbe not even thinking twice about doing these things to Sander, even licking his nipple during their reunion.

Noor pushing Robbe on the bed and climbing over him, whilst Robbe looks all sad in this episode. Him pushing Sander on the bed and being happy as Sander crawls over him during their reunion.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Robbe tries to convince himself into liking heterosexual sex with Noor and fake laughs with his friends about having it.

Where’s Wally? Keisha laughing with Amber and later dancing with Marie.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is talking to Senne. The decorations behind Milan saying ‘Welkom Robbe’ (= ‘Welcome Robbe’). Noor has a beautiful tattoo of a pin-up girl covered with butterflies on her lower arm.

[loveactionsspeaklouder]

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

5| Stone Cold

a/n: very smutty

september 2023| paris

Kylian couldn't wrap his head around how different Molly was, he was shocked how little emotion she showed. He knew the death of her father was tough, but he didn't realise it would have these consequences. Did my ignorance really ruin her that much, he questioned.

He ran a hand over his short hair and scratched his neck, something he had found himself doing when he was frustrated. He felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his neck, feeling wet kisses fall on his skin. He closed his eyes and breathed in. "You've been so distracted lately, what's wrong?"

I've been fucking my emotionless ex, he wanted to tell her. I'm in love with her and I can't help it, he should have said. But instead, he lied to his fiancé, something he told himself he would never do, until he started his affair. "I'm fine, I just want the season to go well."

Rosalie spun Kylian around and moved herself onto his lap. Did she believe him? No. Was she going to pester him? No. She was still in shock at their relationship; it was no secret what their engagement had done for her career, but she did truly love the Frenchman, despite what his fans had been saying. She knew they missed Molly and she wasn't stupid to notice that Kylian's recent mood swings had started happening when she returned. "How are you and Molly?"

Kylian scoffed at her question. She knows, she fucking knows. But she didn't, she wasn't anywhere near the truth. He rolled his eyes and removed the model from his body. "We don't speak," he replied. Technically, he wasn't lying. The only time they spoke was when they were planning their next lust filled night together. Heck, when they fucked, Kylian would do all the talking. He would try and whisper sweet nothings in Molly's ear, she would block it out and concentrate on reaching her high, something she has trained herself to do. "She doesn't want anything to do with me. She's got Adam and I've got you and that's the end of the conversation."

Rosalie was used to his sudden outbursts, especially when it came to his former girlfriend. She had seen first-hand just how heartless Molly had become. It was like she was a different person; her bright blue eyes now resembled the colour of the darkest part of the ocean, her lips were trained to only curve when she was talking to someone she potentially liked and that scared Rosalie. That scared her to her core. She didn't know what had happened to turn her into the stone-hearted person she now witnessed. But in her heart, she knew deep down her suddenly agitated fiancé, could potentially be the key to fixing her.

....

september 2023| paris

Julian knocked on the familiar apartment door, it was the first time he had visited since Molly returned. "Come on in daydreamer." As he walked through the door and placed himself on the couch, he thought back to the reason he was there. Please talk to Molly, he remembered Kylian pleading. She's not the same and she won't let me in, he sobbed. It was the first time the German had seen him cry, he knew something wasn't right. "So, what brings you here?"

"Can a friend not come and see you?" He winked. Molly sat there, straight faced with an ever-present daunting grin. Jesus, he thought, she is fucking different. He gulped, watching her take a sip of her wine, her eyes never leaving his. "Are you enjoying being back in Paris?"

"I would be, if silly boys didn't keep asking me stupid questions all the time," she mocked, slowly rolling her eyes. It wasn't a secret to everybody that Molly wasn't the same fun-loving, emotional girl from two years ago. This version was strong, relentless and daring. She loved scaring people into doing what she wanted. "Just tell me the real reason why you're here and not some bullshit one you randomly thought off."

She placed her wine glass on the table and removed herself from the couch; she took one look in the mirror and traced a finger seductively over her lip, Julian bit his own in awe. She walked over to him and moved between his legs. He gazed up and looked at her; she looked powerful and in control, her eyes were dark and commanding. "I know why you're here," she finally spoke. Her voice was quiet and intimidating. She placed herself onto his lap, his hands instantly moved to her thighs. This is what she wants, he realised when she smirked at his actions. "And it's not going to work."

"What do you mean?" Julian questioned, unable to think straight as Molly started leaving kisses along his neck, her hand moving down to his growing bulge. He drew in a breath, unable to stop a moan leaving his lips. She laughed against his skin, he still wants me, she thought.

"You want to change me," she breathed against his lips. "You want to know what's happened to your precious Molly," she continued, pulling him closer and connecting their lips into a passionate kiss. Julian couldn't help but wrap his arms around her waist, allowing her entrance into his mouth. She slowly rocked her hips against his hard shaft, he moaned into the kiss. I told you so, he pictured Kylian telling him. "I'm still here Julian, I just need piecing back together."

"Let us help you," he groaned. She picked up the pace and rocked quicker. He said her name as his eyes fluttered shut, she dragged her teeth along his bottom lip, making his fingers dig into her skin. She didn't want to hear him speak, she just wanted to feel him. "Molly..." his voice was cut off by a choked moan. She swivelled her hips, running her hands over his chest. He strained his head back and started cursing. "What about Adam?"

Julian grabbed onto Molly, gripping her hips for control, she refused and continued her movements. She moved his hands above his head and pinned them to the back of the couch, staring hard into his pleasured eyes and gritted teeth. "Forget him, just let go," she whispered into his ear, she continued to grind her hips with no mercy. He closed his eyes and reached for her face, sloppily kissing the skin.

"Shit, I'm..." he finally let go; shaking his legs, spitting German profanities and letting his fingers leave slight bruises on her skin. She smirked as she felt his pants dampen as he reached his climax. Seconds later, she reached her own, collapsing onto the sofa in complete satisfaction. He turned to face her and removed a few strands of hair from her sweaty face. She softly smiled at him, he was always gentle with her and she appreciated it. He kissed her one more time, with simplicity and love. He rested his forehead on hers and traced a finger over her cheek, watching her every movement; her eyes were still dark, but they showed a hint of emotion and fear. She's hurting, he realised. "I know you don't want to hear it or don't care, but we are here for you Molly. I'm here, Kylian is, Adam is, we all are. You just have to allow it."

....

september 2023| paris

Kylian had been pacing around Molly's bedroom for fifteen minutes in a fit of rage. He was struggling to process the conversation he'd had with Julian a mere thirty minutes ago. He flew in rage to her apartment, unable to keep his emotions in, he was furious and didn't care who saw. "Molly, what the fuck?"

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. "If you're not here to fuck me, then you can leave," she cynically smiled. She didn't understand why he was angry, it wasn't like they were dating. You're cheating on your boyfriend with him, you know he has feelings for you, she ignored her thoughts and shrugged. She moved her eyes to him and lifted her eyebrows, patiently waiting for an answer.

"Fuck you."

"That's what I'm asking you to do," she mockingly sang, a sarcastic laugh escaping her filthy lips. He moved closer to her and carefully gripped her neck, she licked her lips and looked at him through her eyelashes. "Finally, I wa..."

He attacked her lips with a harsh kiss, trapping her on the bed. "You listen to me," Kylian hissed. He watched as Molly teasingly bit her lip and fluttered her eyelashes. Ignore her and stay strong, he pleaded with himself. "You are mine. That means you don't touch anybody else, do I make myself clear?"

She loudly chuckled and easily flipped him over, keeping him on the mattress. She watched his eyes like a lion would watch its prey, waiting for the slightest movement before she pounced. He nervously gulped, unable to hold her terrifying gaze. Got him, she smirked. "I'm not yours," she whispered against his lips, leaving an agonising small distance between his face and hers. He ached for her touch, it was all he wanted after hearing about her actions with Julian. "You made that very clear when you proposed to someone else. I wanted you to fight for me and you failed," she carried on speaking, her voice gravely low. Kylian held a breath in his throat, paralysed by her words. "You will never own me Kylian, you had your chance and blew it."

"Why are you being like this?" He managed to choke out. He watched her face, no movement. She removed herself from the bed and walked over to her window, staring at the empty sky; no clouds, or stars, just a dark blue sky. It represented how she felt, empty and alone.

Kylian walked up behind Molly and wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. He breathed in her scent, placing a small kiss to her shoulder before resting his head on it. They stayed like that for a few minutes before she turned around to face him, he timidly stroked her cheek. "I'm so sorry. I want to make it better. I need to."

She sighed; the old Molly would have hated to see how upset Kylian was, but the new Molly revelled in it. That's why, after hearing his pleas, she took a breath and stared into his eyes. She remembered his threats from before. "This between us means nothing," she started. He cupped her cheeks and closed his eyes, it was the only thing to do to stop his tears from falling. She removed his hands and pushed him away. She folded her arms and tilted her head, ready to repeat his famous words. She smirked at him, before laughing and shaking her head. "Do I make myself clear?"

....

a/n: fun fact about this chapter - i wrote this at 6am one saturday morning, i had a sudden burst of inspiration haha! so about the chapter, we are starting to see more of molly’s new personality - she’s ruthless, nasty BUT she lets her guard down sometimes. my poor molly :-( who do we prefer her with - julian or kylian??

also!!! lockdown is FINALLY over in my country, so i am now going back to work. luckily i have nearly finished writing this story, so updates shouldn’t take to long! but they will be less frequent than my last book.

as always, thank you for reading - love always xxx

[zazujoy]

I’m sure this has been done but here’s everything I, a person who has listened to exactly zero seconds of The Magnus Archives, know about this podcast

Characters

Jon: He’s the main character, the archivist, and he’s got some spooky eye powers. I don’t know if he got them on purpose. He’s kind of a dick but in a way that makes the fandom love him.

Martin: Jon’s boyfriend, eventually. Unfortunately I don’t know much about him outside of that, but he’s both a. A monsterfucker and b. Pro killing all the monsters, so we’ll see how that works out for him

J. Leitner: fuck this guy. I don’t know anything about him but fuck him.

Daisy: is a werewolf maybe? She’s evil but she might also be friends with Jon, I’m not sure

Sasha: I don’t know much about her but she seems chill. She might be dead by now; there’s a not!Sasha which means she got pulled into one of the Spooky Things, so f in the chat for that

Tim: idk he exists

Georgie: might be a secretary or something? That might be a different character. There’s someone named Gertrude who I also know nothing about so it could be her. 

Elias: is he married to Tim? Is there a different character named Tom that he’s married to? I think this guy got married and divorced and then remarried his ex-husband but I don’t remember his husband’s name. Also I think he’s insanely old. Maybe.

Basira: ???? [see also: Tim]

Spooky stuff

There’s spooky stuff. I don’t exactly get how it works but you can become an avatar of a Spooky Thing, although that seems like not the greatest life decision.

Trying to think of Spooky Things from TMA off the top of my head, I listed The Lonely, The Slaughter, The Flesh, The Eye, and Clowns(???) and then I just googled a list so I’m just gonna guess what the items on this list mean.

The Buried: There’s worms somewhere in this podcast and worms like to get buried in the ground so I’m saying The Buried is the Worm Spooky. I hate it. 

The Corruption: yeah I have no idea. The word “corruption” brings to mind either religion or politics so maybe it somehow has to do with one or both of those things. 

The Dark: darkness is spooky I guess. 

The Desolation: yeah so “desolation” definitely sounds bad and scary but I have no idea what it means in the context of this podcast, because everything is bad and scary here except for occasional moments of tenderness. So this is a Mystery Spooky Thing as far as I’m concerned. 

The End: I know there’s something in season 5 that hits uncomfortably close to Real Life Pandemic stuff that’s happening, so I’m gonna say The End is that. Probably it’s the end of the world or humanity or something. 

The Eye: Jon’s an avatar of this one; I think it just lets you Know Stuff that you otherwise wouldn’t; also maybe you get literal extra eyes? Or can see through other people’s eyes? I’m just making things up but those might be true. I know “invasion of privacy” is a Spooky Theme in at least some of the episodes and The Eye seems like a likely cause of that. 

The Flesh: gross meat stuff. 0/10, do not like. I think the Leitner dude that everyone hates is involved with this one

The Hunt: I guess it makes you want to go kill people?? Also maybe you’re a werewolf. I think Daisy is an avatar of this one. 

The Lonely: pretty much what it sounds like: makes you really lonely and isolated. Martin got caught up in it for a bit in a recent episode but then he remembered he loves Jon so it’s fine for now. 

The Spiral: sounds like some weird hypnosis shit

The Stranger: this is the one that got Sasha, I’m pretty sure. Replaces you with a spooky version of yourself or something. IDK what happens to the original person, maybe they die (rip). I think this is the one that led me to include “Clowns???” on my original list, though maybe that was The Spiral. 

The Vast: emptiness as a concept is inherently spooky so maybe that’s what this is. Makes me think of a very large empty field and I hate that shit, so. 

The Web: based just on the name, sounds like something that’d give you a supernatural mental connection to the other avatars of this thing. 

Plot

I really really have no idea. You could string together literally any set of events and say it happened in The Magnus Archives and I’d believe you. But here’s my best attempt at piecing the events together:

Jon is doing archivist stuff; people come and give him statements about scary stuff that happened.

There’s a guy who got a cursed coffin that said not to touch it or open it so he didn’t. Legend. 

Martin is new at the Institute, I think, and Jon doesn’t like him, but eventually they fall in love (slow burn, babey! But like really slow; I think they got together for real in s3 or 4)

Jon removes a rib or two, maybe to get his Eye Powers. One of the ribs is just sitting in his desk drawer. It’s fine.

At some point I think there’s a transition between “Jon listens to people talk about spooky experiences” to “Jon fights worms and other weird creepy things” and I don’t know when or how that happens.

Daisy tries to kill someone I think.

Some worms are fought.

Sasha becomes not!Sasha. I feel like this went unnoticed for a little while and then eventually caused fairly sizable problems. 

(I wasn’t joking when I said I don’t know the plot of this podcast at all)

I think Jon and Martin are currently trapped in some tunnels fighting monsters. Martin wants to kill all the monsters. Jon is one of those monsters, technically, and probably he has some Issues and insecurities related to not being fully human (he needs therapy. They all need therapy). Martin had An Experience with The Lonely; it was a whole emotional rollercoaster but he’s in love and he won’t forget that.

The creators have said it’ll end in tragedy and I think this is the last season, but everything is sort of okay for now? It’s not great but Jon and Martin are still alive and together for the time being. 

Other stuff

The Magnus Archives is a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill Ltd. and licensed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial sharealike 4.0  international license. 

“Statement begins”

“Fabric rustles” (NO kissing noises)

The creator’s name is Jonathan Sims and he just named the main character after himself for fun

Apparently “Jonathan” is supposed to be shortened to “John” but that’s bullshit

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1973

Under the cut.

Carly Simon – “You’re So Vain” -- January 6, 1973

Knowing who this song is about -- if there even is someone -- would make it a lot less fun. "You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht" is one of the greatest lines of all time. The subject of this song is a grade-A douchebag, and yet his life's kinda enviable, isn't it? He can fly his plane to see the total eclipse of the sun, he hangs out with spies, he seduces his close friends' wives, his horse wins races. But he "gave away the things he loved." He chose to be a movie character instead of having love, which is rather sad. It's a more complex song than it seems at first. And it's a lot of fun.

Stevie Wonder – “Superstition” -- January 27, 1973

Can't write too busy jamming. Okay so this song is great. The sentiment is one we need a hell of a lot more of. The music has my favorite funk beat. It's my favorite Stevie Wonder song, and one of my favorite songs period. Actually this is three in a row of my favorite songs now.

Elton John – “Crocodile Rock” -- February 3, 1973

Well that ends that streak. I don't like Elton John's music. I find it dull and irritating. I can't even pinpoint why entirely, because I can't listen to enough of his music all the way through. I have had to listen to this one all the way through at every wedding reception I've ever been to, though. It's a boring dance song, and boring dance songs are very bad things.

Roberta Flack – “Killing Me Softly With His Song” -- February 25, 1973

Roberta Flack is great, but I prefer the Fugee's version of this song. Flack's version is a little too color-within-the-lines for me.

The O’Jays – “Love Train” -- March 24, 1973

An optimistic, happy song about everyone loving each other and getting along. It's also a good dance song, which makes it easy to get on board.

Vicki Lawrence – “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” -- April 7, 1973

She killed her sister-in-law for cheating on her brother? Really? Really? Well this is where revenge leads -- now her brother's dead too. This song doesn't get at anything interesting and the story is simply unpleasant. The music in this song's not spectacular or anything, but it deserves a better story.

Tony Orlando & Dawn – “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree” -- April 21, 1973

This lounge lizard singing a twangy country-ish song doesn't work. He doesn't know how to do it. Also, it sounds like they were trying to make it into a novelty song. Someone coming home from prison and hoping his wife will still want him is in very poor taste for a novelty song. This song somehow became about soldiers returning home. It's a really bad song for such a poignant and complex topic. It's a really bad song for anything.

Stevie Wonder – “You Are The Sunshine Of My Life” -- May 19, 1973

Stevie Wonder and his wife Syreeta Wright were in the process of breaking up when they recorded this love song together. They stayed in each other's lives until Syreeta passed away, though. Knowing that makes this song even more moving.

The Edgar Winter Group – “Frankenstein” -- May 26, 1973

How did a hard rock instrumental reach the top of the charts? The riff is pretty great, and some cool things are going on with the electric guitar. Hard rock instrumentals aren't my thing, though. But I think it's good, even if I don't want to listen to it.

Paul McCartney & Wings – “My Love” -- June 2, 1973

John and Paul both started producing lighter, slower songs after The Beatles broke up. I feel like George was keeping them grounded. Or I guess maybe Ringo -- who knows? This is tolerable, which is more than I normally say about too-light 70s love songs. Actually I think this is also a sex song. For the most soporific sex imaginable. Paul McCartney's bass playing was awesome when he was in The Beatles. I don't get why he didn't build songs around that after they broke up.

George Harrison – “Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)” -- June 30, 1973

Another spiritual song from George Harrison, but it's better than "My Sweet Lord" in multiple ways. First, the melody's not plagiarized. Second, it has forward motion. You can actually dance a little to it if you want. Third, there's a bit of anguish there. Spiritual songs are always better when they have the tang of pain to them. And Harrison's guitar is on point. Pretty good.

Billy Preston – “Will It Go Round In Circles” -- July 7, 1973

The last two #1s were by ex-Beatles, and this one is by the man often called "the fifth Beatle." It's the best of these three by quite a ways. It sounds to me like it's about the creative process. A song with no melody, a dance with no steps. And the one I like the best: "I've got a story, ain't got no moral/ Let the bad guy win every once in a while." Sounds like his story's a lot farther along than the song and the dance.  The music is funky and soulful with a lot of different things going on, but without feeling overly crowded. Excellent.

Jim Croce – “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown” -- July 21, 1973

Leroy Brown is a big, mean man, and everyone's scared of him. Until he goes after the wrong woman and her husband kicks the everloving crap out of him. Being big and mean doesn't count for much if you're a dumbass. It's sort of a country/funk blend, and I like it.

Maureen McGovern – “The Morning After” -- August 4, 1973

Mneh. I know why this one became a big hit; it was the ballad attached to a hit disaster movie. The Poseidon Adventure, one of the biggest disaster movies. I don't get disaster movies either. This song is schmaltz.

Diana Ross – “Touch Me In The Morning” -- August 18, 1973

Diana Ross sure sang a lot of songs in which she was desperate for a man who didn't want her. This time, she promises to be content with having sex just one more time in the morning with a one-night stand. How low maintenance of her. It's slow. It's boring. It gives me the icks.

Stories – “Brother Louie” -- August 25, 1973

Louie is white. He falls in love with a black woman. When he takes her home to his parents, they explode. I think he probably chooses to stay with her, but the song isn't clear. There's the fetishizing "Danger, danger when you taste brown sugar" line. Interracial relationships were really dangerous then still, so that's something. But I don't like the music, I don't like the singing, that one line is really bad and so I can't like the song at all.

Marvin Gaye – “Let’s Get It On” -- September 8, 1973

After learning about Marvin Gaye's life, I am extremely torn about this song. Marvin Gaye's father was a horrible right-wing preacher who made him think sex was a wicked thing. This song is Gaye's celebration of shedding the guilt instilled in him, and finding how wonderful making love was. But I still can't like this song. It's too light for me. (Marvin Gaye's father ended up murdering him -- he was truly a horrific excuse for a human being -- but at least Gaye was mentally free before that.)

Helen Reddy – “Delta Dawn” -- September 15, 1973

Helen Reddy manages a lot more emotion in this song than she did in "I Am Woman." I get it; I prefer stories to polemics too. That doesn't mean I like this song. A story song should have more than two verses and a repetitive chorus. Also, I don't like stories where women go mad because men promise to marry them and then split. I'm looking at you, Charles Dickens. Everyone's got tropes that make them itch, and this is one of mine.

Grand Funk – “We’re An American Band” -- September 29, 1973

My family moved a lot, but I always spent summers with my Grandmother in her cottage near Flint. So Flint is more my hometown than anywhere else. I'm definitely cool with a band from Flint laying claim to the "American Band" label. That doesn't mean I like the song. It's about touring and drinking and groupies, and then it's about repeating the chorus about a hundred and twelve times. Yeah, the music rocks, but it's repetitive and bores me as much as any soft rock ballad ever could.

Cher – “Half-Breed” -- October 6, 1973

I have a lot to say about this song. Way too much. Therefore I'm going to say nothing, except that nothing changes overnight, and this song is a massive improvement over the previous decade's songs about Native Americans.

The Rolling Stones – “Angie” -- October 20, 1973

I liked when the Stones were nice in "Ruby Tuesday." I don't like it so much in this one. It's a step too far. He's singing about how he still loves "you", Angie, but it's time to break up, and I just can't hear it as anything but insincere, fair or not. I feel like he's got someone else waiting. I do like how Mick Jagger makes "Angie" sound like "Angel" when he sings though.

Gladys Knight & The Pips – “Midnight Train To Georgia” -- October 27, 1973

Diana Ross was jealous of Gladys Knight and the Pips, and undermined them at least once. I am not surprised. Gladys Knight is a better singer than Diana Ross, and who wouldn't want the Pips singing and dancing behind them? This song is about how the singer's boyfriend is leaving on a midnight train to Georgia because he couldn't make it as a star in L.A., and she's going with him. Good for them. I love this song.

Eddie Kendricks – “Keep On Truckin'” -- November 10, 1973

Right into falsetto from the start. Sigh. This is a disco song, and it's not technically about trucking, but there are a lot of truck metaphors in it. I find a lot of disco weirdly hard to dance to -- I can't locate the beat somehow. I can dance to The Alan Parsons Project but not the Bee Gees. This is one of those disco songs I have trouble with. So it doesn't work for me to listen to or to dance to, and it's falsetto. Not bad falsetto, but still falsetto the whole way through. I don't hate it but I don't want to hear it again either.

Ringo Starr – “Photograph” -- November 24, 1973

This song is about looking at photographs of someone and missing them. It sounds a bit like an early Beatles song. George Harrison helped Ringo write it, and some of Phil Spector's collaborators gave it the "wall of sound" treatment. The former is likely why it's got a good melody and some interesting musical touches; the latter is why it gives me a headache.

The Carpenters – “Top Of The World” -- December 1, 1973

The singer is newly in love with someone who loves her, and it makes her feel wonderful. Very straightforward, honest, and unembarrassed, and Karen Carpenter's voice is gorgeous as always. The hook is dangerous; this song is likely to be in my head for a few days. That's okay though, because I like it.

Charlie Rich – “The Most Beautiful Girl” -- December 15, 1973

This is a country song in which the singer realizes he just destroyed his life, and is desperate to salvage it. He's asking if you've seen "the most beautiful girl in the world," because he needs to find her to apologize for the things he said that drove her away. It's sad and sweet, but it doesn't make me feel an awful lot.

Jim Croce – “Time In A Bottle” -- December 29, 1973

When this song would come on the oldies station, my mother would yell "Gah!" and change the channel to anything else. Her graduating class, very much to her chagrin, had decided it would be their song. (I don't remember what my graduating class's song was, but I remember some of us trying to get "I'm Too Sexy" to win and failing. I think we ended up being saddled with "I've Got Friends in Low Places.") In any case, I was prejudiced against this song before I heard it the whole way through. Jim Croce died young in a plane crash, so that is very sad. My reaction to this song is still the same as my mother's. It's glop.

BEST OF 1973 -- "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder WORST OF 1973 -- "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" by Vicki Lawrence

[cakesunflower]

Ineffable [Fighter!Calum] One Shot

Ineffable—Too great to be expressed in words.

Summary: The fear of Calum’s fight made Sylvia run away. Now she was back, and engaging in a fight with her own feelings was not something she was too prepared for.

over 25k words of fighter!Calum. i’m very proud of this one, if i’m being honest, and i hope you guys enjoy reading it and telling me what you think, i always look forward to your comments. happy reading!!

EDIT: there’s a chance if you’re reading this on Safari, then a chunk of the story in different parts is MISSING! idk why tumblr is fucking up, and it’s hella annoying. so to read the WHOLE story, please read on the Tumblr mobile app, or else you won’t understand what’s happening! The first line of the story is “It had been years since she stepped foot in the rambunctious, buzzing underground arena, yet it was still exactly the same.” Make sure that’s what you’re reading, seeing as the entire first part on desktop is missing!! if what you’re reading makes no sense and doesn’t flow, it’s because tumblr just deleted a big chunk of the story from the desktop version!!

READ. FROM. MOBILE!!!!

thank you

--

It had been years since she stepped foot in the rambunctious, buzzing underground arena, yet it was still exactly the same. The familiar stench of stale beer, sweat, along with the dull copper of blood lingered in the air and caused Sylvia to wrinkle her nose in disgust, not used to the intense mixture after her lack of visitation over the past year or so. She looked around, the dim lighting always reminding Sylvia of a creepy back alley, realizing not much had changed in the arena. Or, well, calling it an arena was too professional of a term; it was basically an underground cave—or, at least, that’s what it reminded Sylvia of—large and spacious, with a bar on either side for people to help themselves to and the main spectacle right in the center—a boxing ring.

There had been a time in the past where Sylvia always feared the ceiling would come down on them, collapsing under the weight of the world above them and burying her and everyone else under piles of rocky rubble. But it had been two years since she first stepped foot into the place and it was still standing, so maybe it wasn’t as fragile as Sylvia had thought. The people that frequented it certainly weren’t, that was for sure.

It was a lot more crowded than Sylvia remembered it ever being, breath hitching when someone shouldered past her and she stumbled into her best friend, Luann, who steadied her easily. Sylvia wondered how so many people got to know of the Underground—which, to be fair, was just a name she referred to it by since it technically didn’t even have a name. First rule of Fight Club: You do not talk about Fight Club. So how was it that there were close to a hundred people buzzing around the area, when Sylvia clearly remembered less than half of that showing up when she used to frequent there?

“Told you it’s become big,” Luann told her over the sound of the continuous chatter ringing in their ears. It was obvious everyone was waiting for the next round to start, waiting for the fighters to come out, and the ball of dread Sylvia had been trying to bury all day was once again beginning to tighten in her stomach and stir to make her feel nauseous.

Her small group of friends began moving forward, wanting to get their drinks before making their way to the ring, and Sylvia suddenly grabbed hold of Luann’s arm. Without even looking at her friend, Sylvia’s gaze remained on the empty ring as she stated through a dry throat, “I don’t think I should be here.”

The hesitation was clear as day in Sylvia’s tone over the buzz of the other patrons, the strained voice of someone who didn’t think they belonged there, when in reality at one point, Sylvia had been one of the most frequent goers of the Underground. At the way Luann pursed her lips and tilted her head in disagreement, Sylvia’s lips parted as she began stuttering out excuses, “I mean, I should be with Nana, you know? I moved back for her and it’s so selfish of me to be out here instead of with her and—”

“Hey, keep it together!” At the sound of Luann’s exclaim and her hands grabbing hold of Sylvia's shoulders, the stuttering blonde immediately clamped her mouth shut as she stared into her best friend’s brown eyes. Sylvia’s neck tensed as she tried to calm herself down, feeling her heart beginning to pick up its pace anyways despite Luann’s words. She couldn’t help the preexisting guilt from only intensifying the more time she spent away from home. “Nana’s the one who told you to go out, remember? You’ve been back for weeks and you’ve been home taking care of her like the amazing granddaughter you are. You deserve a night out.”

The sound of someone throwing up in the corner nearest to them could be heard over the gruff chattering of those around them, and both girls saw the disgust flicker across each other’s eyes as they tried to ignore the sound. Licking her lips, Sylvia raised her eyebrows as she responded in a brief flat tone, “I don’t think this is what she had in mind.”

Luann’s lips twitched into a smile, head ducking as the laugh escaped her before letting out a breath and looking back up at a pouting Sylvia who whined, “Why would you bring me here anyway? You know this is the last place I’d want to be.” Sylvia narrowed her blue eyes, her pout prominent. “What kind of best friend are you?”

A defeated breath escaped Luann, dropping her shoulders as well as relinquishing her grip on Sylvia. “It’s a big one, Syl.” Her expression softened, tendrils of dark hair loose from her ponytail framing her heart shaped face. “You don’t wanna miss this.”

The insinuation of Luann’s words had the familiar knot tightening even more in Sylvia’s stomach, breath forming a lump in her throat as a familiar, devastatingly handsome face flashed across her mind’s eye. It was a face she’d never forget, one she hadn’t seen in the past year since she had moved to San Francisco. If Sylvia was being honest, she hadn’t been entirely sure if she planned on seeing him again upon her return to Los Angeles, but with Luann as her best friend, who was constantly dragging her around, she guess she should’ve figured it wasn’t a complete impossibility.

So here she was now, waiting for him to step into the ring.

The humor fell from Sylvia’s face upon Luann’s words, lips thinning as she gave a gentle shake of her head while twisting her lips to the side. Her gaze wandered over the many people surrounding them, mostly men with some women speckled in between, all drinking beers and getting their money out to place their bets, hunger for a fight swimming a bit too brightly in each of their eyes. “You know this was one of the reasons why I left, right?” Sylvia sounded, voice low as her pointed gaze flickered back to Luann. Eyebrows furrowing together, Sylvia shrugged questioningly. “What made you think I’d wanna be back here?”

A soft, sympathetic smile curled at Luann’s lips, gaze momentarily flickering being Sylvia’s shoulder before her eyes locked with hers. “Because he’s always said you’re his good luck charm. And he could use it tonight.” And then she jutted her chin to gesture at something behind Sylvia, and the blonde tried to ignore the hitch in her throat at Luann’s words before turning around.

His good luck charm. Sylvia doubted that was true at this point. Still, the words tugged at her heart almost painfully.

The crowd had started cheering, the gruff sounds of yells making the walls around them and the floor under their feet vibrate in excitement, and Sylvia’s lips parted to let in a sharp breath at the sight of the familiar, breathtakingly handsome man stepping foot into the ring. The same man who, as it turned out in that moment, still made her heart leap in her chest and squeeze every drop of air from her lungs even as she looked at him from a distance.

He always left her breathless. She’d been a fool to think a year away was going to change that.

The world slipped away from Sylvia just then, the sound of those around her muffled in her ears as she watched, over the heads of those gathering around the ring, her ex-boyfriend eat up the cheers being thrown at him. Through the warm lighting of the area, Sylvia could make out the determined, tight glare resting on Calum’s face, a look consisting of his sharp jaw clenched and dark brown eyes sharp and focused on the fight that was about to take place. Even from the distance, Sylvia could feel the air of confidence that circled him; the kind of unperturbed self-assurance she had always admired. How in the most intense, grueling of fights, he never in all of the times Sylvia had seen him fight, ever showed any signs of defeat. Never showed any hints of giving up.

She’s the one that had given up, but Sylvia didn’t want to think of that right now.

“Did he. . .” Her blue eyes narrowed into a squint, trying to figure out if what she was seeing was a trick of the dull lighting or if her eyes weren’t, in fact, deceiving her. Sylvia let out a surprised breath. “Did he dye his hair?”

Luann stepped up next to her, letting out a quiet giggle. “Yup. Think he’s trying to figure out if blondes have more fun.” She bumped her shoulder into Sylvia’s. “You could just as easily answer that for him.”

Sylvia shot her a withering stare, one that had no effect on Luann. Licking her lips nervously, she turned to look back towards the ring, the sound of everyone’s loud yells already becoming accustomed to her ears despite her being away for a year. “Who’s he even fi—” Sylvia cut herself off, because her eyes landed on exactly who Calum’s opponent was going to be as he stepped into the ring in the middle of the racacious yells, and Sylvia’s heart dropped to the very pit of her stomach. “Oh, my G—he’s fighting Danny Preston?” The panic tightened her chest, hand shooting to grip Luann’s wrist tightly. “Why the fuck is he fighting Danny Preston?!”

Luann’s jaw slackened at the harsh grip Sylvia was holding her in, free hand trying to loosen Sylvia’s as Luann let out a high pitched squeak before responding, “This is why I thought you’d wanna come!”

A sharp breath escaped Sylvia, her heart thundering anxiously within her chest, feeling it slam against her ribcage as she watched Calum and Danny eye each other from either side of the ring, waiting for the fight to start so they could make each other bleed. God, she hated this. She hated watching him fight, was one of the reasons why she ran, because seeing Calum get hurt squeezed at Sylvia’s heart until she couldn’t breathe anymore. The overwhelming excitement buzzing around her only served to sit heavily on her, clearly not sharing the enthusiasm with everyone else. She may not have been around for a while, but the last time Sylvia had been there, Danny Preston was the only opponent Calum had lost against—was one of the most ruthless, unforgiving fighters down there. She’d seen him break his opponent’s bones. Hell, she’d seen people barely walk out of that ring alive after a single round with him.

So why the fuck was Calum facing off with him?

Shooting Luann an incredulous look, one coated with panic just as much, Sylvia snapped back, “You thought I’d want to see my ex get his ass kicked by Preston? What the fuck, Luann?”

“Good to know you still have some faith in him.”

The sound of the familiar drawl had Sylvia’s back straightening right before she swiveled around, eyes landing on the familiar face of one of Calum’s best friends, Luke Hemmings. He stood tall, just like Sylvia had remembered, with blonde curls pulled back into a bun and eyebrows raised over bright blue eyes Sylvia had always been jealous of—hers were more of a darker blue. His sometimes appeared to be completely translucent and she wished hers were more like that.

Instead of greeting him like Sylvia was raised to, she gave Luke an incredulous look with her jaw dropped and eyebrows shooting up. “It’s not about me not having faith in Calum,” she was quick to retort, frowning as she quickly shook her head. She didn’t like the judgemental look the tall man in front of her was shooting down, unimpressed by what he overheard. “It’s about Calum going up against that fucking caveman. I’ve seen what he does to his opponents, Luke. How the hell are you not freaking out?”

His lips had been pressed together as he listened to her over the buzzing of those around them, his expression blank. Which, honestly, kind of unnerved Sylvia given that Luke was one of the most animated people she knew. To have him look down at her, expression not at all giving away what he was thinking, made her feel even more out of place in the Underground than she did already. “Because unlike you, I’ve been right here watching Calum progress as a fighter. And I know, for a fact, that he’s gonna drop Preston on his ass because of how much he’s improved.” Luke’s lips curled up into a very uncharacteristically condescending smirk, one that dried Sylvia’s already sandpapery throat. “Save your worries for someone who needs them.”

His words felt like a slap in the face, Sylvia immediately pressing her teeth together because, yeah, she kind of expected a reaction like that. Her reason for leaving was no secret, especially since she had made it clear to Calum before she left. It was only natural for his best friend to not entirely welcome her back with open arms. Especially on a turf that was specifically there.

Sylvia wasn’t even sure what she was going to say as she started, “Luke, I—”

“If you’re not here to show your support, you can leave, Sylvia,” he cut in, his flat tone completely contradicting the harsh look taking over his eyes. “Cal doesn’t need that kind of energy here. Not tonight.”

She averted her gaze from the tall blonde, frowning at the ground as the hurt stung through her veins at Luke’s words. He was right, she figured, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed hearing it.

Sylvia moved aside to let Luke past as he made a move to walk, her gaze lifting and eyes widening when she caught sight of him duck his head and press a brief kiss to Luann’s lips. In that moment, Sylvia wondered if she had just imagined what she just witnessed, though that thought was right out the window as Luke murmured to Luann, “I’ll see you up front,” before giving her another kiss and straightening to his full height.

He walked away without another look towards Sylvia, tall frame easily moving through the thick crowd, leaving a bewildered blonde gaping at a guilty looking Luann who pressed her kissed lips together like she’d just been caught in the act—which, honestly, she had been. When her apprehensive eyes met Sylvia’s questioning, completely incredulous ones, Luann hesitantly began, “I, uh, may have forgotten to mention that we’ve, um, been seeing each other?”

Sylvia’s lungs deflated, shoulders dropping as she continued to gape at her best friend. Her mind was spinning, not entirely sure what had just happened as she ignored her surroundings and focused on the discovery in front of her. When in the goddamn hell had that happened and why hadn’t Luann ever said anything? At least even ever mention that she liked Luke or had been seeing him? Maybe Luann kept it to herself because of the relationship Luke had with her ex, which okay, Sylvia understood. And she wasn’t mad—she had no right to be because who Luann wanted to date wasn’t at all up to her. But Sylvia wished that her past with Calum hadn’t, in any kind of way, affected her friendship with Luann to the point where her best friend didn’t even tell her about her new boyfriend.

Sylvia inhaled sharply. Too much was happening too fast.

“I don’t. . . Even know what just happened,” Sylvia spoke slowly, blinking upwards before a surprised, breathless laugh escaped her. For a moment, everything else slipped out of Sylvia’s mind as she raised an eyebrow at her best friend, who was still smiling nervously. “When did you and Luke eve—”

“Fight!”

The loud shout sounded over the buzz, only causing the crowd to roar viciously and making Sylvia turn around suddenly, heart jumping into her throat once again when she watched Calum and Danny circle each other, sizing one another up. Right then, everything else slipped out of Sylvia’s mind, lips parting in nervous wonder as Danny threw the first punch, one that Calum easily ducked out of the way from. Sylvia would be lying if she said a gasp hadn’t choked in her throat when she saw Danny’s fist fly, only calming down the tiniest bit when Calum moved away. But Sylvia’s been there before, she knew what she was in for. She knew the anxiety and nerves and terror weren’t going to die down until Calum was out of the ring.

Her eyes remained glued to Calum, throat tight and nails absently picking at each other, as she watched him move with an even more precise sense of agility than she remembered watching him fight with. His hands were fisted and elbows tucked in, the glow of the dull lights making his brown, inked skin appear warm and smooth to touch. And Sylvia tried not to let it distract her, tried not to think of if his skin was still as soft as she remembered it being, or if his newly cut and blonde hair felt just the same in between her fingers as his brown curls had.

But there wasn’t a chance of Sylvia feeling those sensations again, she knew. And so she watched him fight, just as apprehensively as she always did, with a weight suffocating her chest and nerves bouncing erratically beneath her skin.

“Come on,” Luann’s voice broke through Sylvia’s mind, though it sounded far away despite them standing right next to each other. “Let’s go to the front.”

“N-No,” Sylvia stammered out, her feet seemingly frozen right where she stood, unable to tear her gaze away from the ring. Her shoulders tensed even more when Calum delivered a successful right hook, knuckles connecting to Danny’s jaw, and Sylvia couldn’t breathe with the thick lump clogging her throat. They were at a distance from the ring, a crowd of faces between her and Calum, and she wanted to keep it that way during the fight. Being up close to the ring wasn’t something Sylvia wanted to experience again, and the last thing she wanted was Calum’s eyes potentially landing on her face during the fight and possibly getting surprised by her presence. A distraction of any kind could cost him, especially against an opponent like Danny. Sylvia swallowed. “I just—can we stay over here? Please.”

Luann had dragged Sylvia here against her will. The least she could do was let Sylvia reluctantly watch, with her heart in her throat, her ex-boyfriend throw and possibly suffer through punches from a distance.

                                                            *****

It was one of the best highs he’d ever experienced.

There had been a moment, a brief moment when Preston had his knee pressed into the area below his chest and sent a concussing punch to his jaw, that had Calum panicking over the thought of losing the fight. The blood in his mouth had been familiarly bitter and his head had felt numbed from the hit, and in a split second haze Calum had wondered if that had been the end for him in that particular fight, wondered if he would be able to pull himself up from it.

But the cheers had been deafening, the gruff and deep roars of the crowd surrounding them fueling the simmering fire in Calum’s veins into an eruption caused by a newfound purpose. Truthfully, it had also been because of the smug, triumphant smirk that had sprouted on Preston’s lips as he stared down at Calum, the arrogance dancing in his dark eyes, as he geared back his right hand to deliver another devastating blow that both he and Calum knew would effectively knock Calum out and cost him the match. And there was no way that Calum was about to let the patronizing son of a bitch win. Especially when Preston was one of the only fighters Calum had lost against. He wasn’t going to give his long standing opponent the satisfaction of defeating him again.

So he fought back. With the blood and sweat literally running down his skin, with the bones of his hands feeling as though they were seconds away from being shattered, and with his heart hammering so roughly against his chest that it was burning him from the inside out, Calum gathered enough energy to punch Preston off. He surprised everyone by standing tall on his own two feet, spitting a mouthful of blood on the stained canvas floor of the ring and craning his head to the side to let the tension crack before throwing himself back into the fight.

And he’d won.

The heaviness in his heart as he caught his breath after the win, standing over Preston’s fallen body, shoulders finally relaxed and hands familiarly sore as he tasted the blood in his mouth. Calum never was one to pay attention to the aches his body was screaming about, the punches and kicks he’d suffered through, and he didn’t do so tonight either. Especially tonight, when the adrenaline was pumping through his veins and mixing in with the overwhelming triumph of finally putting down the one man he’d been yearning to do so for so long. Calum had trained for this. Had spent every waking moment in the gym bettering himself and correcting any mistake that ever caused him to lose any match, and it all fucking worked out.

He won.

Calum looked down at his hands, bloody and bruised and hurting like a pair of motherfuckers, and a smile curled at his lips through the breaths he was trying to even out. But the pain was worth it. It was worth it because it gave him the title of being the undefeated fighter of the ring and gave him a hefty load of money from his cut of the bets that had been placed before the fight. The sweat sticking to his skin didn’t bother him, though it rarely did, most of the blood wiped off, and he didn’t even think of how he was going to be unbearably sore in the morning. He’d fucking won. He was on a high right now and, Calum knew, nothing could bring him down from it.

“You good, man?” Ashton’s excited laugh pulled Calum out of his thoughts.

He opened his eyes, gaze landing on his three best friends surrounding him, all with equally thrilled grins and glimmering eyes. Calum had pressed himself against the wall in the back of the area next to the doorway to the locker room after being patted and cheered on by a number of the spectators. It was clearing out slowly and Calum needed the moment of somewhat calm to relish in the victory he’d just acquired for himself. His heart, after finally relaxing from the adrenaline of the fight, felt weightless in his chest. Calum had an image to maintain down there, but even he couldn’t succeed in keeping the smile off his face, and he was a damn expert in keeping himself unexpressive.

Calum kept his head leaned back against the rocky wall, looking at his friends from down his nose, lips curling upwards in a near blissed out smile. “’M fuckin’ great,” he responded, a laugh passing through him without much choice. “’M bloody fantastic.”

“You’re undefeated,” Michael laughed, green eyes lighting up happily as he shifted to lean against the wall next to him. He nudged Calum’s shoulder with his nose, not too rough despite knowing Calum could take it, hands shoved in his ripped denim jacket. “You gonna treat us out to drinks with the bank you’ve just made?”

Calum’s grin widened, rolling his eyes at Michael before snorting, “Greedy fucker.” The boys laughed and he didn’t acknowledge the dull pain that throbbed through his nose at the action. Lolling his head straight, Calum raised his eyebrows at Luke, trailing his tongue along his lower lip and no longer tasting the copper of the blood that had been there, before asking, “Where’s Luann at?”

Upon hearing his words, Calum noticed the wide, dimpled grin on Luke’s face falter slightly, the dents in his cheeks under the facial hair disappearing as some of the giddiness in his eyes vanished. Calum’s eyebrows twitched into a frown at the sight of his friend not looking entirely pleased over the mention of his girlfriend, a mixture of concern and curiosity making him straighten his head.

He watched as Luke pressed his lips together, jaw tight and broad shoulders lowering tensely. The sudden change in demeanor wasn’t lost on any of them, all looking at Luke with their own levels of concern. But he didn’t meet anyone’s gaze, hands buried in the pockets of his leather jacket as he looked away, the muscle in his jaw jumping.

Luke looked at Calum then, blue eyes meeting curious brown, and he let out a breath before stating, “Sylvia’s here.”

Maybe it had been the hits Preston had managed to get in, but Luke’s words had taken a minute too long to register in Calum’s head as both Michael and Ashton reacted immediately, choking out incredulous exclaims at the bomb Luke dropped. But his words echoed in Calum’s mind, hollowed out from the statement that had just been unloaded on him, and Calum couldn’t think. Suddenly the rocky wall he was leaning against was digging too much into the skin of his bare back, his feet seemed too exhausted to support his weight, and the heat that spread throughout his body was a hundred times more intense than whatever he felt during the fight. All because Luke’s words were the harshest punch Calum had received all night, knocking the air right out of his lungs effortlessly.

Sylvia was there. She was there, somewhere amongst the crowd of dispersing patrons, and Calum couldn’t think. His thoughts were no longer on the incredible match he had just won, a match he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about, but one mention of his ex-girlfriend and every train of thought in Calum’s mind had been redirected to her path. He no longer slouched against the wall, back straightening rigidly as his dark eyes began darting around, trying to catch sight of the woman he hadn’t seen in a year‍, of the one who’d clouded his thoughts more often than he let on.

“She’s back?” Ashton questioned, hazel eyes wide as he looked between Luke and Calum, alarmed for the sake of his brown eyed best friend.

Luke’s eyes met Calum’s, biting down into his lower lip before offering a slow, single nod before repeating with a confirming, “She’s back.”

Calum’s heart was in his throat and his gaze, right then, flickered past Luke’s frame and then the beating inside stopped altogether at the sight of the woman, albeit hesitantly, making her way towards him. And as soon as he looked at her, even from the distance, Calum could pick out every feature of Sylvia’s face; of her blue eyes that reminded him of the sea, gentle dimples he’d often poked, the button nose he used to rub his own against, blonde hair that was now up to her shoulders rather than to her waist, and the consistently pink lips he’d kissed so many times.

Everything felt tight, uncomfortably so, as Calum watched Sylvia face Luann as she animatedly spoke to her, all the while nearing where he was. For a moment, Calum truly considered pushing himself off the wall and walking right into the locker room to avoid her altogether. But that thought was thrown out the window as soon as it entered his mind because Calum Hood didn’t run away. Running away was for cowards and Calum would rather get beat senseless than be a fucking coward.

“Shit,” Calum breathed out, despite the way he steeled himself and stood to his full height in preparation for what was about to come.

Their eyes met. Calum felt like he was being thrown against the wall with the air rushing out of his lungs, and he watched as Sylvia’s pace instantly slowed down once their gazes locked. The tension in her neck was obvious, taking a breath through her parted lips as the smile fell from her face upon noticing Calum. There was a halt in the air surrounding them, in that moment, time and reality coming to a stop as they took in the sight of the other, a sight neither had been privy to in about a year.

There was a ringing in Calum’s ears, deafening him to everything else, hearing only the increasing beating of his heart as he stared at the woman just a few feet away from him. His expression may not give it away—Calum was a damn near expert at schooling his features—but the shock was vibrating his nerves and rendering him frozen where he stood. And truthfully, he hated that. Calum never froze in place, never let anyone have that kind of power over him.

Unsurprising—yet just as unnerving—to realize that of course Sylvia was the one capable of doing so.

“Hell,” Ashton breathed out once he followed Calum’s gaze, eyes landing on the blonde girl that had been, at one point, the only thing that kept Calum together. Until she left and he had to find out, the hard way, that the only thing holding him together was himself. “She’s really back.”

“Luann knew and she didn’t tell you?” Calum heard Michael ask, not really caring about who his question was directed to until he heard Luke let out a slow breath.

His voice was dry as he answered, “Kept that bit of information to herself, I guess.”

The next few moments, it seemed, moved in slow motion as Sylvia let Luann lead her to where the boys were standing. Calum had always been able to read her well, a feat that had served him generously when he and Sylvia were dating, and even now with a year’s worth of separation between them, he could still see the waves of hesitation roll off of her as she reluctantly followed Luann. He watched Sylvia’s gaze drop, looking at anything but the men she was nearing, and Calum clenched his jaw tightly at the inevitable confrontation.

Being prepared was one of his strong suits. This, he realized, left the world gaping a hole beneath his feet.

It certainly didn’t help matters that Sylvia was, by every regard, just as beautiful as he remembered.

“It’s comforting to know the other guy looks a lot worse, or else I’d feel bad about your pretty face getting all fucked up.” Leave it to Luann to utter something witty as an attempt of diffusing the thick tension hovering over them like an impending storming cloud. Calum appreciated the effort—though, if he was being honest, he’d have appreciated the knowledge of his ex-girlfriend returning to town even more.

Unfortunately, Luann’s comment didn’t quite entice the laughs she had been hoping for, everyone too distracted by the presence of Calum and Sylvia—together, face to face, after an ending that had left a bitter taste in the two past lovers’ mouths that had yet to fade.

The group was quiet, the only sounds coming from the low hum of their surroundings consisting of still-enthusiastic drunks. It had taken Calum a minute to break away from them, being clapped on the back and congratulated on a fight not many had expected for him to win. It wasn’t like Calum was much of an underdog—he’d earned his place in the food chain of the ring—but against Danny Preston, his win was profound. A win he was so proud of, so ready to celebrate.

What he wasn’t ready for was facing Sylvia once more.

Calum already wasn’t a man of many words, but it had never been that way around her. With Sylvia, he’d always known what to say—hell, sometimes he didn’t even have to say anything for her to understand what he was thinking. The two of them, they knew each other frighteningly well. Were one and the same. The suffocating heaviness Calum felt pressing down on his chest felt harsher as he realized the two of them, right now, stood facing each other like strangers being introduced for the first time. Like the history consisting of dizzying kisses, tender touches, electrifying intimacy never existed in the first place.

That, Calum realized, was more painful than the knee to the gut Preston had delivered earlier in the night. Except a bruise on his skin was more visible than the agony in his heart.

No one tried to break the tension after Luann’s attempt, the silence between them awkward and tight. Until, to everyone’s surprise—even his own—Calum all but blurted, “You cut your hair.”

He noticed the flicker of surprise that flashed across Sylvia’s blue eyes, his own recognition making him feel somewhat relieved that he could read her at least that much, even if it damn well be all he could decipher. Just because Calum hadn’t stopped thinking about Sylvia for the past year, didn’t mean he still knew her.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the dull ache that came with the knowledge that he did know her at one point. Now it all felt like none of that mattered anymore.

Calum watched her throat work, the small diamond pendant of the necklace she never took off resting delicately beneath the hollow of her throat. Sylvia’s gaze flickered up slightly, before her blue eyes met his brown, cautious yet still somehow slightly unguarded. He wondered if he imagined the subtle quirk of her lips, brief and fleeting. “So did you.”  

Silence fell upon them once more, awkward and heavy, with no one quite sure of what to say or do. There had been a time where everything was easy and friendly, where no one was someone else’s ex and one hadn’t left the other. They all were friends, some more than others, yet the tension Sylvia’s surprise arrival brought rendered them all speechless.

“We’ll give you two a minute,” Michael suddenly spoke up, taking it upon himself to allow Calum and Sylvia some space. Or, maybe, he just didn’t want to be around a potential explosion between the two exes. Calum wouldn’t blame him if the latter was true. He watched as Michael pushed himself off the wall, missed the looks he exchanged with Luke and Ashton, as he made his way past Sylvia. Although he stopped for a moment right next to her, offering her a smile that was real and honest as he said, “It’s good to see you again, Syl.”

Calum saw the way her pink lips quirked up at Michael’s words, a flash of relief appearing across her face as Ashton also gave her a quick hug before following Michael. It didn’t go unnoticed by the boxer how Luke merely turned and left, not even bothering to look Sylvia’s way, uncaring of her arrival as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and stalked off.

Luann was the last to go, hesitating as she looked between Calum and Sylvia as she worried her lower lip before her shoulders sank and she let out a sigh. “Don’t kill each other,” she muttered before swiveling on the heel of her boot and jogging to catch up to Luke, whose long legs already granted him some distance.

The silence was back between them and Calum hated how acutely aware he was of his heart drumming within his chest. Truthfully, it was taking him off guard, standing in front of Sylvia right now. They had broken up and she was gone, a new job offer hours away in San Francisco seemingly rescuing her after she ended things with him, and Calum had been left distraught over the loss of a woman he’d spent a year of his life with—a year of his life loving. If Calum was the expressive, dramatic kind he would say that he truly had felt as though everything was over after Sylvia left him with nothing but a shattered heart. But he never said it; he only felt it, quietly and achingly and tiredly. And while his friends knew the breakup with Sylvia is what caused Calum to spend even more time in the gym and in the ring, punching and kicking out his aggression, they never dared say anything.

Heartbreak was a hell of a motivator, as was anger.

In this moment, though, Calum understood that he was frozen. It irritated him, made him berate himself because he was supposed to be better than this. But one look into Sylvia’s pretty blue eyes and it was over. Everything he felt for her came rushing towards the forefront of his still mending heart, eager to break down the delicate walls that had yet to properly rebuild.

“You beat Danny Preston.” Calum was both glad and surprised Sylvia was the one to break the silence, the lump in his throat preventing him from doing so, and the ringing in his ears apparently not loud enough to miss the nervous tint in her voice. At least she was just as overwhelmed by this as he was. He met her gaze, watched her nod along slowly. “That’s—he was someone you really wanted to beat and, uh, it was—congratulations.”

Calum wondered if the lights weren’t so dim if he’d be able to see the heat that would spread across Sylvia’s cheeks, which happened whenever she nervously stumbled over her words. It had been an endearing sight to Calum, always feeling a bit captivated over his effortless ability to make her blush, and it felt like a slap in the face when he discovered the mere thought of it still had his heart leaping—even if it was lodged in his throat.

Her words struck him. She remembered his desire to beat Preston, something he had never been shy about when they dated. Calum had always voiced his ambitions when it came to his goals within the ring, words Sylvia had heard repeatedly, words that eventually drove her away.

“Thank you.” His words felt too formal, too strange falling from his own mouth, yet Calum couldn’t help it. God, after a victorious fight he’d always find Sylvia and kiss her if the blood wasn’t in the way. He’d celebrate with her. But then she left, and Calum hadn’t been in the mood to celebrate for a while, and then eventually just went to get drinks with the guys. That had become a routine, one he had bitterly come to terms with. Now she was in front of him, and it was going to shit. They no longer had a standing, and it was shit. Forcing himself to forgo clearing his throat like he was itching to do so, Calum stated in a too casual, too indifferent tone, “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Sylvia rubbed her lips together, shoulders raising to her ears as she tucked her hands in the back pockets of her shorts. Her entire demeanor was nothing if not guarded, as if she was meeting someone new for the first time and wasn’t sure how to act. Calum would be lying if he said that didn’t sting. “Didn’t expect to be here,” she responded truthfully, letting a breathy, barely-there smile slip. A lock of wavy blonde hair was untucked from behind her ear, the tendril grazing her cheek, and Calum’s fingers itched to push it back. “Luann kind of. . . Ambushed me.” She turned sheepish. “I thought we were going out for drinks.”

Truthfully, a pang of disappointment thudded through his chest at the knowledge of Sylvia being here not out of her own decision making but because she’d basically been dragged without consideration. Seeing Sylvia out in the crowd whenever he had a fight had always been thrilling, never a distraction. When his eyes would land on her, the drive to fight harder would ignite with new purpose, and for a while Calum had to figure out how to keep going when she’d left. His anger and heartbreak had helped, but it wasn’t as strong as the relief and passion that had once been there.

Calum bit the inside of his lower lip, brief and sharp, before releasing a quick breath and responding flatly, “Sorry to disappoint.”

He wondered if he imagined the flinch that had Sylvia shrinking into herself. “No, i-it wasn’t—I didn’t mean—” Sylvia cut herself off, and despite the mixed emotions in Calum’s heart and mind that he didn’t dare entangle himself in at the moment, he did feel the selfish sting of satisfaction at the sight of her getting flustered at his comment. Pressing her lips together, Sylvia let out a deep breath through her nose as she calmed herself down before stating, “You didn’t. That fight. . . It was amazing.” Her throat worked. “You’d always been impressive in the ring.”

That’s why you left, isn’t it?

Keeping the bitter words tamed on his tongue, Calum pressed his lips together as he offered a tight yet somewhat appreciative smile. How ironic that Sylvia was complimenting him on the very thing that had ultimately driven her away.

The smile, if it could even be called that, faltered on Calum’s face as the drum of his heart began increasingly pounding him in his ears. He desperately wished he could focus on anything but the woman in front of him, and it irked him that he couldn’t. Even after being broken up, Sylvia still held a certain grip of power over him that rendered him completely submissive to her. And Calum Hood was anything but submissive.

His adam’s apple bobbed. “What’re you doin’ here, Sylvia?”

Her name rolled off his tongue too deliciously, a shiver running down her spine. But the tone of his voice had Sylvia’s throat working once more, but if his demeanor affected her too much, she didn’t let it show more than that. “Nana’s been sick lately,” she told him truthfully. “Mom had been around to help but she had to get back to work so, uh, I came to stay with her.”

At the mention of her grandmother, Calum’s forehead smoothened out and a shot of worry rushed through his body, accompanied by a weighing guilt. Sylvia’s grandmother, whom they all fondly referred to as Nana as well, was the sweetest woman Calum knew, who always made sure he knew he was welcomed into her home. The knowledge of her being ill tightened Calum’s dried throat, thinking of when he’d seen her last—right before he and Sylvia broke up, with blue eyes as bright as her granddaughter’s and dark brown greying hair always kept at a bob. God, he hadn’t visited her maybe once or twice after his relationship with Sylvia ended, and he felt like shit about it.

Despite whatever he may feel for Sylvia, Calum found himself inquiring, “Is she okay?”

“Just getting old, you know?” she responded with a small, empathetic smile. Blue eyes met brown. “Her heart’s not as strong as it used to be.”

Calum wanted to laugh, bitterly and humorlessly, as he gazed at the woman in front of him. He and Nana had that in common.

                                                          *****

Honestly, Calum was surprised he found himself in front of the house. He stood on the stoned pathway leading up to the one story house, the garden bright and green with colorful rose bushes, well maintained and as beautiful as he remembered them. As he remained in place, the hot Los Angeles sun beating down on him and his leather jacket trapping the heat within his body, Calum wondered if Nana was well enough to maintain the greenery outside or if Sylvia had a hand in doing so. And then, swiftly, he wondered if it was a good idea of him being here.

His and Sylvia’s impromptu reunion had happened day before yesterday and Calum could just. . . Not stop thinking. His mind only consisted of Sylvia and her arrival, and then he thought of Nana and her health, and the guilt squeezed at his heart like a fist reaching into his chest and clenching it tightly. He hadn’t been able to sleep, plagued with thoughts of the pretty blonde who’d made a reappearance in his life, staring at the grey ceiling of his bedroom and remembering, more than usual, the nights he spent with Sylvia entangled in the very sheets he was sleeping under.

And then he thought of Nana, and the guilt returned. Just because things between him and Sylvia hadn’t worked out, didn’t mean he should’ve stopped seeing Nana. Disrespectful, is that what that was.

So, swallowing the dryness that apparently found home in his throat, Calum attempted to clear it as his gaze dropped to his Converse, watching his feet as he walked up the three steps and reached the front door of the landscaped house. He’d definitely had craved a smoke before arriving, but Calum wasn’t about to show up to Nana’s place stinking of cigarettes. God, he wasn’t even sure why he was here in the first place, knowing he was risking running into Sylvia when he just wanted to see Nana.

He vehemently ignored the part of his mind telling him he wanted to run into Sylvia, too. But he told himself he didn’t. He was indifferent.

Calum rubbed his hands down the back of his jeans after ringing the doorbell, faintly hearing it ring throughout the house inside, patiently yet nervously waiting for it to be answered. His shoulders were tense, suddenly wondering what the hell he was supposed to say to Nana, wondering if this impulsive decision was a good one. He couldn’t lie, not to that woman. Shit, this wasn’t well thought—

“Calum!” His head snapped up as the door swung open, and in front of him stood a woman who just barely came up to his chest, small with grey overtaking her dark hair, thinner than he’d remembered, but eyes as bright a blue he recalled. Nana’s lips spread into a smile, wrinkles and smile lines decorating her face as she looked up at him as if this wasn’t the first time in a year he was visiting her. “I almost didn’t recognize you with that hair,” she laughed, looking all too joyous at the sight of him, more than he knew he deserved. “Come here, sweetheart, I missed you!”

He tried desperately not to notice the way her hands, somewhat veiny, shook when she reached up for him, and Calum quickly returned a genuine smile as he bent himself down enough to rest his chin on her shoulder so she could do the same for him. He felt Nana’s arms wrap around his shoulders, his own hugging her frame to his chest as the familiar scent of cinnamon and sugar engulfed him. In his arms, she felt just as small as she looked, and Calum felt his heart tug.

“Missed you too, Nana. Had to come see how you were doin’,” he returned sincerely, gruffly, before they pulled away and returned the smile she was beaming at him. “Beautiful as ever.”

She grinned, patting his chest fondly before shuffling back into the house. “Always a charmer. Come on in, it’s burning up out here.”

He followed her inside, shutting the door behind her before routinely toeing off his shoes. Looking around, nostalgia washed over Calum in waves, taking in the auburn colored walls with picture frames decorating them, all ones Calum had seen before. The wood paneled floors and living room filled with throw pillows and blankets remained the same, a sense of comfort and home hitting Calum the further inside he walked the familiar house. It all still looked the same, down to the wonderful scent of honey he could faintly detect in the air, and it was like he never stopped visiting. But he had, and Calum wanted to make up for it.

“Do you want some tea, sweetheart? I was just about to make some,” Nana offered, making her way to the kitchen connected to the living room.

Calum’s head snapped over to her, averting his gaze from a photograph of Nana and a five year old Sylvia with a wide grin with missing teeth and blonde pigtails, a picture he used to tease her about. Registering what Nana said, Calum clicked his tongue with a shake of his head. “No, no. I’ll be makin’ the tea, Nana.”

He didn’t give her a chance to argue, walking around her and stepping into the kitchen as he caught sight of the kettle and grabbed it to pour some water in. Calum was well aware offering to make the tea didn’t even begin to put him on the path of forgiveness for just abandoning Nana after the break up, but he still wanted to do it. He heard her make a sound of protest before faltering into soft chuckles, feeling her eyes on him as he clicked the stove on and settled the kettle on top before maneuvering around the kitchen with familiarity, grabbing the mugs from the drawer to the right of the sink and the tea bags from the cabinet next to the stove.

“How’ve you been, honey?” Nana inquired once Calum turned to face her, watching as she gestured for him to follow her into the living room. She settled on the couch, a soft sigh of a grunt passing her lips as she sat, before patting the spot next to her as she looked at Calum. As he sat, he saw her blue eyes take in the sight of him, raising a grey eyebrow. “Still fighting, hmm?”

Calum noticed the way her gaze zeroed in on the bruise that had bloomed on his jaw, probably noticing the small cut across the bridge of his nose as well. His fights, illegal as they may be, weren’t a secret to Nana, Calum knew. And while she never judged him, never said anything heinous or offending towards his decision of partaking in those kinds of fights, there was a part of Calum that felt almost ashamed of being a fighter when he was in front of Nana. Despite her being the most open and accepting older woman he’d ever met, despite her congratulating him with happy hugs and encouraging words every time he won a fight, Calum felt a hint of shame for being involved in what he was and Nana knowing about it. He knew it was because she worried about him, knew she always eyed him with maternal concern whenever she saw so much as a scratch on him and he hated that he disquieted her with that.

“Yes, I am,” he answered honestly, lips twitching into a small, almost apologetic smile as he looked at her.

“Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing,” Nana responded, laughing lightly as Calum linked his ring clad fingers together, knees apart and arms resting on top of them, slouched forward. “It’s something you’re good at. Be proud of it,” she said, patting his leg before adding, “Sylvia told me you won against Danny Preston. Congratulations, honey, I’m sure that was a victory worth the wait.” He couldn’t help the small grin that tugged at his lips at Nana’s words, feeling his heart swell at the knowledge of her recalling his rivalry with Preston. He tried not to think of Sylvia talking to her grandmother about him, the thought lurching his heart. Nana’s smile turned soft, inquiring, “Have you seen Sylvia again since she’s returned?”

Looking back at Nana, Calum saw the glint in her eyes, soft yet knowing, and he ducked his head with a shake of it while letting out a near amused, breathy laugh. “You know I have, Nana,” he said, voice carrying a chuckling rasp as he saw through her faux curiosity. Sylvia and Nana were so close, a fact Calum was well aware of, and had no doubt a discussion about reuniting the other day. Nana’s questioning was just her trying to pry some information out of Calum, gage his reaction, which he truthfully found amusing.

She let out a laugh, not at all apologetic, as she leaned back. “I wanted to be gentle in my questioning. Didn’t want to send you running for the hills again.”

Her words, though they were teasing, had Calum’s heart dropping to the pit of his stomach, a harsh reminder of how much of an asshole he was abandoning Nana when her granddaughter abandoned him. He had so much love for this woman next to him, who never judged his lifestyle the way his own parents did, who was proud of him for what he was doing in the ring and outside of it, which was working odd jobs wherever he could find them when he didn’t have a fight. He did whatever work he could find and made people bleed, and as morbid as the latter was, they all paid the bills and he was happy doing them both. Nana was one of the only people, outside his small group of friends, who understood that. How could he just leave her?

Calum’s gaze dropped, looking down at his linked hands as he squeezed his bruised fingers, feeling the bite of his own rings into his skin as the tension had his veins standing out. He took a deep breath in, deep voice thick with shame and apology as he squeezed his eyes shut and began, “Nana, I’m so sorry for disappearing on you like that. It was disrespectful and fu—really awful of me and I’m s—”

“You were heartbroken.” Nana’s voice was firm yet understanding, and Calum opened his eyes before reluctantly shifting his gaze to her. There wasn’t a smile on her face anymore, but a gentleness in the softness of her aged features and blue of her eyes—he noticed some grey melding into the irises, squashed the thought of wondering if Sylvia’s would do the same as she grew older—as she gazed at him. “You and Sylvia were no longer in a relationship, Calum. It’s understandable that you didn’t want to visit the grandmother of the girl who broke your heart—” She ducked her head, eyeing him knowingly, and Calum could feel the beginnings of his stomach churning, “—especially when the love is still there.”

Calum started, back straightening and he couldn’t control the widening of his eyes, once again realizing where Sylvia was concerned, it was like Calum had no power over even himself. The couch cushion shifted under his weight as he leaned away from Nana, who didn’t at all look perturbed by his reaction, as he began stammering like an idiot, “Nana, I do—”

The shrill whistle of the kettle cut him off and Nana smiled. “Tea’s ready.”

Her grin was far too innocent for someone who drained all the blood from Calum’s face, and he stood up before narrowing his eyes at the older woman. “This isn’t over,” he stated, turning to walk to the kitchen as he willed his head to stop spinning.

Nana chuckled from behind him. “Yes, yes. Get the tea and come back so you can fight a sick elderly woman.”

The teasing in her tone was far too reminiscent of Sylvia’s, always prodding him into innocent and amusing silly arguments they both got laughs out of. Calum understood where she got it from, being mostly raised by the woman in the living room.

He swiftly prepared their cups of tea, remembering how Nana liked hers, his mind busy with thoughts of Sylvia. Being in this house, the childhood home she grew up in, had every aspect of his brain overflowing with the thought of his ex. For a long time, Calum had thought he had moved on from her, that Sylvia and his relationship with her was in the past and he was allowed to find someone else, maybe, or just be happy with how things were with him. He genuinely believed that. Or, maybe, let himself think that way.

But one mere glance at her and Calum was terrifyingly realizing that he hadn’t, in fact moved on. That what he thought was him going forward in life was just a phase of out of sight, out of mind in regards of Sylvia being gone. How idiotic of him to think that the love he had for her would leave when she did.

Returning to the living room, Calum felt himself uncharacteristically and awkwardly stumble between tripping over his own feet and freezing in place at the sight of Sylvia standing in the living room, a single brown bag of groceries in her arms as she immediately and confusedly look at Calum. It was probably a sight, Calum thought, of him standing in the entryway of the kitchen in her grandmother’s house, standing on sock clad feet and holding two steaming mugs of tea in tattooed, ring clad hands. He knew she didn’t expect to see him there, and while Calum knew there was definitely a possibility of him running into Sylvia while visiting Nana, the sight of her standing there in a baby blue sundress with sunglasses atop her head to push her blonde hair away had Calum’s chest tightening almost too suddenly.

“Oh,” Sylvia sounded, gaze flickering between Nana and Calum, the bewilderment and surprise clear on her face as her throat worked. “I didn’t. . . Know you had company.”

The awkward tension was thick in her voice, the bag she held in her arms crackling too loudly as she shifted it. It was enough to have Calum breaking his gaze from her, jaw tight as he moved back to the living room to hand Nana her mug, a too tight grip on his own. “Calum just dropped by to catch up,” Nana informed after taking a sip of her tea, sitting sideways on the couch so she could easily look between Calum standing by her and Sylvia behind the couch. “Why don’t you join us?”

Calum loosened his tight jaw to take a sip of the tea, ignoring the sizzling burn on his tongue as he forced down the hot beverage, eyes involuntarily flickering over the rim of the ceramic mug to look at the blonde. He watched as Sylvia shot her grandmother a look, one he easily read as warning panic, before her eyes met his. In the light of the early afternoon sun pouring through the living room windows, Calum saw the flush in Sylvia’s cheeks at the notion of her being caught by him looking so flustered, immediately looking away.

She tightened the grip on the bag. “I have to put the groceries away,” Sylvia quickly muttered, rushed with the words blending together before swiftly making her way to the kitchen, not meeting anyone else’s gazes as she tried to put as much distance between herself and Calum as she could.

The scent of coconut that Sylvia left in her wake threatened to send a shiver down Calum’s spine before he caught it, not at all physically wanting to be caught in the nostalgia her familiar smell brought.

The sound of Sylvia putting the groceries away could be heard from behind Calum, and he fought the urge every cell in his body was igniting to turn around and watch her. She had a pull on him, like the opposite end of a magnet he was attracted to and was constantly being drawn towards. Of course, those sensations only began taking over him once more when she came back into his life. Calum figured the distance between Los Angeles and San Francisco was too much for her to have the same effect.

Except, Calum knew, that even when Sylvia was gone the overwhelming desire to go after her was suffocating. But she didn’t want him, and he needed to cope.

His gaze met Nana’s, who was still poised on the couch and looking up at him with the knowing glint returned in his light eyes. Calum felt the muscles in his back began to ache at the tension gathered, the sensation not unfamiliar from his time in the ring, slightly uncomfortable against Nana’s gaze.

She lowered her mug, holding it to her lap. “Pretending your relationship didn’t exist isn’t going to help matters.” Nana jutted her chin towards the kitchen. “Talk to her.”

Calum looked down at his own mug, the tea surprisingly nearly finished, though that’s what happened when he kept drinking it to avoid looking at or talking to Sylvia. He wondered if Nana had any idea how difficult her advice would be to follow; to actually go into the kitchen to talk to Sylvia. He wasn’t a coward—God, he wasn’t, and having to tell himself that repeatedly since Sylvia’s arrival was exhausting—but he just did not want to talk to her. He didn’t want to potentially open up old wounds that had yet to heal nor did he want to gain any reasons to be inflicted by new ones.

That girl had broken his heart. Ignoring the acknowledgement that his love for her was still so vehemently present, ignoring the ache it brought to know she most likely didn’t feel the same way, was better for him. For now, he didn’t need to have any kind of conversation. For now, he was fine with acting as if her presence did absolutely nothing for him.

“I can’t, Nana,” Calum finally told her, raspy voice a low mumble as he put the mug down on the coffee table, rubbing his hands down his jeans clad thighs. His eyes, for a moment, gazed around the living room he’d been in so many times before, yet somehow, right now, it felt like he was being smothered. Smothered by Sylvia’s childhood home and the countless days and nights he spent with her here when they weren’t at his apartment, by the memories that had been circling the outskirts of his thoughts like a predator ready to feed off the vulnerability he felt just by being there. Standing in this house made Calum feel like everything he worked hard not to be and, frankly, wasn’t unless Sylvia was in the picture: weak, anxious, unguarded.

Nana sighed. “Calum—”

“I’ll be back soon, yeah?” he gently cut her off, offering a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I promise I’ll visit more,” he added sincerely, raising his eyebrows subtly to let her know he meant it. No more disappearing on a sweet old woman who he adored. Calum could still hear Sylvia shuffling about in the kitchen, and he pressed his lips together before bending down and kissing Nana’s cheek. “Bye, Nana.”

Calum felt her arms raise to give him a hug, still sitting down as he remained crouched to return the embrace. “Things will work out, sweetheart,” she assured him quietly in his ears. A knowing tint took over her voice, as if the wisdom she’s carried with her all these years was being accredited to the reassurance she was offering Calum. “A grandmother knows these things.”

He wanted to smile, to let out a quiet agreeing laugh and tell her he believed it. But Sylvia’s coconut scent was still lingering in his nose despite only being around her for thirty seconds and pictures of her in all stages of life were staring back at Calum, mocking him that he probably wouldn’t get to know her as continue to move forward with their lives.

It felt cruel and it twisted Calum’s heart painfully. He didn’t look back into the kitchen to where Sylvia was as he shoved his feet back into his sneakers and left the home. He didn’t look back, because his tense muscles refused to let him do so and because he’s had to watch her walk away from him. Even if she wasn’t looking at him now, couldn’t do so because it hurt her just as much as it did him, with bright blue eyes he often got lost in, at least it was him walking away this time. No matter how much he felt the pull to go right into the kitchen to where Sylvia was and—

He didn’t know what he was going to do if he went back in there. With Sylvia, he didn’t know what the fuck to do anymore.

                                                           *****

What they had was in the Before. Before—with a capital B, because when everything ended they were living in the After where it felt desolate and confusing and unknown. Because in the After, she wasn’t sure how to live a life that didn’t have him in it. The Before. . . It was perfect, almost. She was happy because she had him. He was there to hold her and kiss her and make her laugh, he made her feel like the most important person in the room, like every word she uttered held a great meaning to him.

Perfect, though, didn’t last forever. Because having to watch him get hurt, having to see him lying in a hospital bed more than once, having to feel so helpless during those occasions, felt as though a bullet was tearing through her heart and ricocheting around her body and sparing nothing to be damaged. It was dramatic, maybe, but loving someone that much shouldn’t have been so painful. It shouldn’t have felt as though she was struggling to keep up with her emotions, it shouldn’t have felt as though she was drowning when she couldn’t do so.

This place. .  . This was in the Before, and being there again was a stupid idea. Sylvia wondered, not for the first time, if Luann had some kind of agenda against her, specifically in regards of dragging Sylvia to places that she didn’t feel like she belonged in. First it was the Underground, bringing her to watch her ex’s match without her knowledge. Tonight, it was a get together. Which would be fine, seeing as it was filled with people she used to socially see all the time and had ultimately reduced to only seeing through social media posts after moving but was now reconnecting with them fully, except for the fact that it was Ashton’s get together in the apartment he shared with Calum. In the very apartment that Sylvia had been in multiple times before, in the very apartment she so clearly remembered being pressed against the wall and spread like a damn meal on the kitchen counter and feeling the air rush out of her through breathless laughter by feeling fingers tickling her body.

Everything was familiar, everything felt so eerily the same with the black leather couch and the records of bands loved by both Ashton and Calum framed on the walls and plants placed in corners and by windows. The people were the same too as Sylvia greeted those she knew, a few faces around the apartment new. It relaxed her a bit, the mixed drink in her cup helping ease her nerves, being able to talk to those she knew who conversed with her as if she had never left.

She and Luann had been getting coffee earlier that morning and ended up running into Ashton, leaving with an iced coffee in hand and red hair hidden under a beanie Sylvia couldn’t help but think it was too hot for. He greeted them with smiles and reminded Luann about a gathering type thing he was having at his place and then invited Sylvia since she was in town and everyone missed her. She had smiled, told him she’d drop by, even though she had planned to not go at all. Because Ashton lived with Calum, and even though his friends were some of hers as well, Sylvia wasn’t entirely sure about going to his apartment to hang out. Even though he’d shown up at her place without her knowing the other day.

But Luann all but dragged her over, insisting that because Sylvia was invited by a friend she had every right to attend despite the presence of her ex. Sylvia had argued but Luann was a stubborn one. Sometimes it was fun because Luann was always bringing Sylvia out of her comfort zone, and she had missed that while in San Francisco. In regards to this situation, though, Sylvia could’ve done without.

However, her drink was tasty and the conversations were easy and Calum. . . Wasn’t around.

Sylvia had arrived to the apartment alongside Luann about an hour ago, getting hugged by Michael and Ashton and then meeting a bunch of friends she hadn’t seen in a while as she tried to ignore the churn of twisting nostalgia she felt entering the familiar home. There were so many memories that she’d gathered during the year she had been dating Calum along with the couple of months prior where she had met him and the rest of the boys. Every single one tried to play through her mind as she wandered into the apartment, and Sylvia desperately tried to distract herself with drinks and mingling so she didn’t lose herself in the sentimentality of the past.

“First the ring and now his own home? You trying to win him back or something?”

The judgemental accusation in Luke’s voice wasn’t lost in the music playing throughout the apartment, prompting Sylvia to turn around from where she was facing the counter to pour herself another drink. Her gaze flickered up from her filled cup, looking ahead at the wall with shoulders tensing before her fingers wrapped around the cup and she slowly turned around with muscles going rigid in an act of defense.

Luke stood in front of her now, tall and blonde with an unimpressed expression peering down at her as he slowly raised his bottle of beer to his lips. “What?” Sylvia laughed out in surprise, eyebrows shooting up at the incredulity his words brought. Not just his words, though, but the way he uttered them; as if the very idea was something he was vehemently against and wasn’t going to hesitate on showing. “Win hi—I’m not trying to win him back?”

Her response came out as a question, eyebrows furrowing together in the middle of her reply because she wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. Especially with Luke standing in front of her, broad shoulders making him look like the most intimidating person she’s ever met and blonde hair not at all assisting in the angelic features he normally had. Right now, he was all judgment and not at all the friend she used to have, expression twisted into a disapproving look as he looked down at her in more than just the physical aspect.

“Then what’re you doing here?” Luke questioned, pulling his lips back and teeth baring briefly after he took a sip, dimples flashing briefly.

“I—” Sylvia hated that she felt an anxious ball of lead settle in her stomach, blinking up at Luke. The unhesitant hostility he was expressing tightened her throat, the initial feeling of not belonging she experienced when she went to the Underground the other day coming back fully. “Ashton invited me.” Straightening her shoulders, Sylvia clenched her jaw briefly as she added more firmly, “And Luann told me to come. If you’ve got an issue, take it up with them because clearly they’re fine with me being here.”

She’d found some courage within herself as she spoke to Luke, tone hardened and lips pursing defiantly after she spoke. Sylvia understood Luke wasn’t her biggest fan, his relationship with her best friend not doing much to allow him to forgive her for what she did to his best friend. God knows Sylvia would probably be acting the same way towards an ex of Luann’s who hurt her the way Sylvia hurt Calum. But it seemed as though Luke was forgetting that Calum wasn’t the only one who had been hurt after what happened, that he wasn’t the only one whose heart had broken after the end of their relationship.

Or, maybe since the break up had been Sylvia’s idea, her feelings after the fact didn’t matter.

She saw the clench of Luke’s jaw under the facial hair he was sporting, one eyebrow twitching to a raise subtly as he maintained the hard, intense eye contact. “Hanging around your ex’s apartment, the same ex who you dumped because you couldn’t bring yourself to be supportive and, you know, didn’t keep in contact with, is kind of a selfish move, Sylvia.”

His words were factual and snippy, but what really stung Sylvia was the casual way he spoke them in, as if this was exactly what Luke expected of Sylvia. Like she was the kind of person who broke hearts and then returned to rub it in the person’s face. And it made her feel nauseous, not at all believing it was the fruity alcoholic drink she was currently nursing, but the notion of her being selfish and the insinuation that she purposefully decided to hurt Calum because she just couldn’t be with him anymore. She loved him. God, she loved him so much and a part of her knew that she still did; so the accusation of her intentionally hurting Calum and the reminder that she did tightened Sylvia’s throat and made her want to throw up all at the same time.

The burning sensation was present in her eyes, but the tears weren’t those of upset or hurt—they were angry and frustrated because while she had been the one to break up with Calum, why was it okay to act as if she hadn’t hurt herself in the process?

“You know damn well why I broke up with him, Luke,” Sylvia hissed after finding her tongue, voice strained through the lump in her throat as her eyebrows drew together, glaring up at the blonde. “You know the fighting was getting too much; you know I couldn’t just stand there and watch him get punched and kicked, or sit there by his bedside after he broke his ribs or got a concussion.” Her words were quick and fierce, the anger seeping into them as well as the frightening reminder of all those moments she had to sit through, had to watch the man she loved get beaten during a particularly rough fight to the point he had to be hospitalized. Calum was an amazing fighter, and through that one fight Sylvia witnessed just recently she could tell he only improved. But there had been times where he had to be carried out of the ring, and if Sylvia didn’t love him anymore, she wouldn’t still be having nightmares about it.

She paused, throat working as she took in a deep breath, looking up at Luke whose expression wasn’t entirely accusatory anymore. His jaw was still tight, but Sylvia swore she saw some sympathy, some understanding, in the blue of his irises. Her body felt hot with the frustration and reminiscent pain of everything that happened, blinking as she reeled back slightly and looked down at her cup. “It wasn’t about not being supportive of Calum—” Sylvia looked up, her blue eyes locking with his. “You know I was, Luke. I think he’s incredible, and I know he’s gotten better.” She shrugged, defeated with a pathetically sad smile. “But it’s ruthless down there and every time he got in the ring I was terrified he wouldn’t get out. And if I had to witness something like that, I honestly don’t think I would be able to live through it.”

Her grip on her cup tightened slightly, her emotions laying heavily on her chest and her mouth dry from speaking. The music playing around her did nothing to drown out the sound of her wildly beating heart as it pounded heavily in her ears, her mind swirling with memories of her and Calum. Of shared kisses and secret smiles full of wordless conversations and tender touches that always left her feeling electric. But with that came the memories of a nervous heart and wringing fingers as she watched him get in the ring, watched fists fly and legs kick, and the utter terror of something horrific happening to the man she loved. Because in a ring like that where basically anything goes, Sylvia was lucky she still got to reunite with Calum in the first place.

With him still fighting, the alternate, she knew, was much more fatal.

“If he had stopped, would you’ve stayed?”

Luke’s question had the tendons in Sylvia’s neck tensing, because this wasn’t the first time she considered something like that. It wasn’t the first time she’d be disappointed by her own answer.

Sylvia liked her lips, tasting the bittersweet alcohol on them before she shrugged half heartedly. Pushing herself away from the counter, Sylvia responded tiredly, “He wouldn’t have stopped. It makes him happy.”

She’d already been walking away from Luke, no longer wanting to be a part of a conversation that only reminded her of the constant heartbreak she was fighting so hard to move past and was failing at doing so repeatedly. Still, over the music as she kept walking, she heard Luke’s response, his words just as factual as before, but this time holding a softness that had Sylvia’s heart lurching.

“You made him happier.”

                                                         *****

The smoke curled out of Calum’s lips, tendrils disappearing into the night sky as the taste of nicotine lingered on his tongue and in his lungs. He kept his eyes shut, blonde head tilted back against the bricked wall as he felt the warmth in his body intensify with every drag he took, washing over him in calming waves relaxing his muscles. Medically speaking, it wasn’t entirely a good idea to have a smoke minutes before he was to go into the ring and face off with someone since it would probably impair his breathing. But Calum wasn’t one for too many good ideas.

Which, as if on cue, could be proved when he opened his eyes and caught sight of the blonde woman stepping out of the bar across the street. Calum’s head straightened, eyebrows drawing together and eyes narrowing so he could see through the semi darkness of the late evening, the only lights being provided by the street lamps and store fronts. Even so, Calum could easily make out Sylvia walking out of the bar, running her fingers through her short blonde hair as she moved with quick purpose, eyebrows furrowing after he blinked in surprise when he recognized her.

The street between them was a one way, narrow with not much space between either side of it, and because of the lack of distance Calum could make out the expression on Sylvia’s face. Could see the controlled panic in her alarmed eyes and quick movements as she clutched her purse in one hand. For a moment, Calum wondered what had her moving so fast, until the door to the bar behind her swung open and out came a man definitely taller and bigger than Sylvia, with meaty hands reaching out to try and grab an obviously unwilling woman.

As he understood what was happening, Calum’s entire body tensed as the blood in his veins instinctively began boiling. He pushed himself away from the wall, cigarette dropping forgotten on the pavement as his sharp eyes assessed the situation from a distance, slowly and cautiously walking closer to the sidewalk with no intention of walking away.

Calum watched, hands clenching, as the guy’s hand wrapped around Sylvia’s arm, heard her exclaim in defiant protest from where she was, and that was enough to have Calum pushing off into a run. He barely glanced down the street to make sure a car wasn’t coming, sneakers thudding against the pavement as he reached the opposite sidewalk. It wasn’t as busy in the alley of a street, most people inside the bars or down in the ring watching whatever fight was taking place. It was eerily empty outside, which made it a horrifyingly perfect place for vile men to try to pull some shit with an unsuspecting woman. It was happening right in front of Calum and the fact that it was happening to Sylvia was only fueling the bloodlust he felt, reserved for his fight in a few minutes.

“Come on—you can’t be sittin’ there lookin’ like that and not expect me to want a taste.”

The repulsive words the guy was laughing out could be heard loud and clear in Calum’s ears as he neared them, both unaware of his threatening, purposeful strides towards them.

Calum saw Sylvia jerk under the guy’s grip, blue eyes widening in a mixture of panic and protesting anger—alarmed at the stronger man’s insistence and absolutely pissed that some guy had put his hands on her. Calum could see the fight or flight struggling for dominance in her eyes, but his own decision had already been made.

“’Ey!” Calum ground out once he was close enough, catching both of their attention with the deep baritone of his growling voice. He didn’t look at Sylvia, glare focused on the fucker who was still holding onto her. Calum clenched his fists; he was two seconds away from ripping the guy’s arm off. “Get your hand off of her before I fuckin’ break it.”

Calum saw the guy open his mouth, probably to add fuel to the fire, until a car drove past and the headlights briefly lit against Calum’s strong, intimidating features. Recognition flashed across the guy’s face as he caught sight of the shadowed, glaring attributes of Calum’s face , and maybe he wasn’t as drunk or as much of an idiot as he seemed because his hand was instantly letting go of Sylvia, taking a step back as he cursed, “Jesus—fuck—you’re Cal—you’re Hood.”

It was no secret that Calum Hood was a well known name on these streets, in this area, due to the reputation he’s accumulated for himself with every fight down below he’s won. No matter how many bruises discolored his skin or how much blood surfaced from his body after a fight, he had been damn near undefeated. And then he won against Danny Preston, effectively knocking him off the unofficial/official title of champion, and the fear Calum’s name brought only increased since then. A king in the ring, Calum was the fighter everyone bet on, that no one particularly wanted to go up against because while there were others who may be taller and even more built than him, it Calum’s focused determination and unforgiving strength that made him the best.

Their makeshift fight club wasn’t something they all went talking about, but its existence wasn’t a secret for those who worked along this street and who frequented it. Calum was, essentially, a household name; a name he worked tirelessly with blood and sweat to build up to be feared. And, when need be, he wasn’t afraid of using it to his own advantage.

“Yeah, I am,” Calum responded, voice tight with bubbling anger as he stalked closer. It was satisfying to watch the shaggy dark haired guy, an inch shorter than Calum yet impressively built, take a few steps back to put some distance. The fear that flashed across his blue eyes was the icing on the cake. Calum never wavered his gaze, strong and intense with dark eyes narrowed in mocking challenge because it was painfully obvious this guy didn’t have the balls to go up against him. Cocking an eyebrow, Calum questioned, “You gonna walk away from her now or am I gonna ’ave to do it myself?”

The guy left without another word, stumbling slightly as he did so, and the cowardice and Calum only having to use his words and not fists would’ve been funny if it weren’t for the circumstance of the situation. Calum watched him go, eyes burning his back until he disappeared around the corner, and Calum’s jaw ached from how tightly he’d been clenching it. He only loosened it when his lips parted, eyes finally landing on the woman standing in front of him, who’d ducked her head as she ran both her hands through her blonde hair.

Calum didn’t even wait for her to speak up when he demanded, “What the hell are you doin’ out here by yourself?”

Sylvia’s head snapped up to look at Calum, blue eyes meeting brown as her glossed lips parted. She looked momentarily surprised at his harsh tone, long lashes framing her blinking eyes before she started, “I was ju—I was having drinks with friends and I—”

“Decided to leave the bar so some drunk asshole could follow you out here where you’re alone?” Calum cut her off, frown deepening at the stupidity of her decision. He knew what had just happened was probably daunting for her, being approached by a persisting stranger, but the sight of it had Calum burning from the inside out. His anger towards the guy was mixed with the sheer panic of something happening to Sylvia. A soft, incredulous scoff escaped Calum as he gave a shake of her head, taking in the berated frown furrowing at her brows. “What would’ve happened if I hadn’t been out here, huh?” he continued to question, voice deep and sharp as he tilted his head, eyes narrowed. “What if no one was here and that guy—”

“What do you want me to say, Calum? That I’m sorry?” Sylvia interrupted, her own voice coated with frustration and maybe even annoyance. Calum wanted to laugh; was she seriously getting annoyed with him? She slapped her hands on her legs. “Well, I’m sorry for being an idiot. My friends left and I was panicking and I don’t think when I panic, alright?”

The scoff escaped Calum before he could help it, rolling his eyes and looking away as he muttered, “Yeah, no shit.”

His jaw clenched after he said that, and from his peripheral he saw Sylvia’s tense shoulders drop slightly, her own lips pressing together as she heard his words. It wasn’t lost on her that he was referring to when she ended their relationship, bitterly reminiscing the panic she had felt being in a relationship with an underground, illegal fighter that ultimately brought her to leave him. A decision that hung over both of them to this day.

Silence fell upon the two, distantly hearing the music pumping within the few bars scattered along the street, yet the sounds might as well be falling upon deaf ears. They were trapped in a thick bubble of tension, standing just a couple of feet away from one another while trying to both relax from the situation that just occurred as well as find a way out of the heart pinching discomfort Calum’s three word response brought.

Anger and hurt circled them both at different levels, with Sylvia as the one who’d reluctantly turned her back and Calum left to pick up his own broken pieces. He wondered if she felt the same tightness in her body as he did, one that rendered him frozen as he was struck with memories of a relationship ended against his will. He wondered if Sylvia felt guilty, if she’d shed tears when she left him. He wondered if she still cared.

He hated that he still wondered.

Calum heard her take in a soft breath, his gaze still on the brick wall to his left as Sylvia spoke in a calm, calculated tone that she probably thought didn’t expose any emotion, but Calum could hear the hurt she was trying to mask over a thick layer of indifference. “Thanks for helping me out,” she said after lightly clearing her throat. It was painfully satisfying, Calum realized, to know he still could tell what she was feeling just by her tone of voice. Could tell that she was trying to appear unaffected by his stinging comment and find an escape before things got worse as she added, “I’m gonna call an Uber and be out of here.”

“The fuck you are,” was Calum’s instant response, head turning to look at her again. He didn’t have any control over what she did, Calum knew that, but letting her get into an Uber in this side of town was not going to settle well with him. Ignoring the bewildered expression on her face, Calum added, “I’ll take you home. After the fight.”

Sylvia’s eyes widened, body tensing. “After the—no!” Her voice found some of its stubborn, eyebrows drawing together in protest as she humorlessly laughed out, “I’m not gonna watch you fight, Calum. No. I’ll just call a ride, you don’t have to take me home. I think you’ve met your heroic quota for the day.”

He was getting irritated, her protesting only annoying him more, but getting pissed at Sylvia wasn’t going to do him any favors. But Calum was just so damn frustrated at Sylvia; at her for putting herself in a potentially dangerous situation because he knew she was smarter than that, and because he couldn’t fucking differentiate between his own feelings. The anger was mixing in with the ever-present hurt and the consistent heartbreaking love he felt for the woman in front of him. Her presence fucking hurt and her refusal to stick around long enough to witness his match was a stinging reminder of why she broke up with him. Because that’s all Calum did; think of Sylvia and how she wasn’t his anymore.

All this love still existed, and it was killing Calum for leaving it untouched.

“It’ll be a two minute match, Sylvia.” Calum spoke with a calmed tone, trying to keep the tight aggravation out of his voice in an attempt of allowing his suggestion to sound more appealing. It was a long shot, given Sylvia’s dislike of fights, but it was worth a try if it meant she didn’t go home by herself. Calum gestured towards the building where the ring was underneath of. “You can sit in the locker room with Mike if you don’t wanna watch. ’M sure he won’t mind.”

Sylvia licked her lips, taking a breath as she began shaking her head. “It’s not necessary, Calum. I can—”

“Please, doll.” The term of endearment slipped past Calum’s mouth before he could even think about it, rolling off his tongue effortlessly as he briefly pressed his lips together. His throat worked at the purse of Sylvia’s lips, trying to hide her own subtle surprise at his use of it. A slip of the tongue, she would think it was. Calum wouldn’t tell her how easy it was to call her something he’d always refer to her as when they’d been together. Wouldn’t tell he how natural it felt to do so. The tension in his voice was gone, the use of the term spreading a softness through his muscles Calum hadn’t seen coming, but didn’t try to fight like he did everything else. The way her eyebrows drew together ever so slightly told Calum that his little slip struck some kind of cord inside her, that in some way, he still had some kind of effect on her.

“I’ll skip the fight and take you home right now if you want.” That, if Calum was being honest, wasn’t something he expected himself to say. But the words had been uttered, almost too easily, and his stomach churned with the realization that he’d much rather Sylvia be safe in her home than have her wait underground where dozens of strange people linger while he engaged in a fight. Even if it meant he’d be forfeiting any potential earnings from the night.

He saw the way Sylvia’s eyes widened ever so slightly at his offer, utterly surprised that he would suggest it. Fighting in that ring had always come first for Calum, for the most part, especially because it was how he made his living. Offering to forgo earning anything struck Sylvia, her chest tightening at the knowledge of him doing so just for her. The fact that he looked so genuine, so ready to do so just so she was home safe, had her throat drying. There had been times where Sylvia would look for reasons to keep Calum out of the ring, too scared of him getting hurt, and now here he was, offering to do so on his own accord.

Then it was her turn to surprise them both. “No.” Calum quirked an eyebrow, the shock evident in just his eyes and Sylvia swallowed. “I can wait.”

                                                        *****

It had been guilt that made her want to wait, Sylvia realized later when she watched Calum step into the ring within the underground cave, surrounded by guttural and gruff cheers with the scent of alcohol, blood and sweat lingering heavily in the air. It had been guilt that made Sylvia tell Calum she was fine with waiting, because watching him now, in trainers and athletic shorts and wrapped up hands with a sternly determined expression on his face and brown eyes glinting with focus, had Sylvia remembering that this was where he belonged.

He was a champion up there; with the dim lights of the cave-like area glowing against his inked brown skin and the warm atmosphere readily providing him a thin layer of sweat before the fight even begun. He was a champion with the spectators cheering him on, knowing he was going to kick his opponent’s ass and win both himself and everyone who bet on him some money. He was a champion because he fought with his entire body and had the drive of a winner, and Sylvia didn’t want to take that away from him.

Which was a slap in the face, seeing as she broke his heart because he wouldn’t give up something he excelled at.

She’d been selfish, Sylvia understood as the fight begun, and she stood quietly between Michael and Ashton in the same spot she’d stood several times during the year she and Calum had been together. Right by the ring, with her eyes on the now blonde fighter, praying that he would win.

It was like nothing had changed, but that was a bitter lie. Calum may still be fighting, Sylvia may still be watching him, and the love they shared may still be present with the other being completely oblivious, but they weren’t together. They were two people unknowingly hurting because they loved the other too much, and neither was aware of how to move past it.

If only they knew what the other was feeling more than just what they showed.

Calum’s hits were perfectly timed and agile, his opponent, Allan, struggling to keep up already. Sylvia was deaf to the noise around her, including the shouts emitted by Ashton, Michael and Luke, a muffled ringing in her ears and gaze focused on Calum. It was reminiscent of how it used to be; of how Sylvia would only ever stand and watch Calum with nails absently picking at one another, eyes tracking his every movement and taking note of any injury he was inflicted by. Her heart remained in a tight knot within her chest, breathing tense and strained out of the familiar worry she felt for the blonde in the ring.

His necklace swung around his neck and hit against his chest with every quick movement, light on his feet as the soft ends of his blonde hair stuck with sweat to his forehead. Sylvia hated that she felt an intrigued twisting in her stomach when she watched the muscles in Calum’s back shift when he delivered a right hook, knuckles connecting with Allan’s jaw, not even giving him a second to recover as his left fist flew with an uppercut and collided with Allan’s chin to knock him on his back.

Sylvia was vaguely aware of everyone’s shouts of approval at the sight, though all she could hear was the sharp breath of relief she exhaled through her nose before swallowing the anxious lump in her throat.

The fight continued when Allan got to his feet after Calum loomed over his body for a few moments, and Sylvia couldn’t look away. It was a morbid kind of fascination, she had determined a year ago, because although the sight of Calum drawing blood from someone else or bleeding himself made her nauseous and pierced her heart, she could never look away. It was like witnessing a car accident; you knew the sight before you was about to be horrific, but tearing your eyes away never crosses your mind. You just keep staring, and Sylvia was intimately familiar with that notion when it came to watching Calum fight.

It was only a small relief that he was so damn good at it. Luke had been right; Calum had improved exponentially. Sylvia would be lying if she said her heart didn’t swell with conflicting pride.

And when Calum soon enough knocked out Allan, standing in the middle of the ring with only a slightly out of breath chest and skin glowing with sweat, his eyes met Sylvia’s. She stood there, clapping for him while the crowd roared with cheers, unable to keep the smile from curling at her lips as she did so. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but Sylvia saw his own lips shift into a smile of his own as he watched her clap for him.

It felt like nothing had changed and, for that moment, they pretended it hadn’t.

                                                           *****

“I think it’d be better if you stayed the night.”

Sylvia was well aware her words were in reference to the sudden thunderstorm that hit them out of nowhere, but warmth that spread on her cheeks was insistent when Calum glanced over at her. They were sitting in his car, the familiar scent of mint and leather and Calum overwhelming Sylvia’s senses, parked in the driveway of Nana’s house, as the playlist Calum had on played softly in the background, though it was drowned out by the sound of heavy rain falling outside, the harsh droplets thudding with a subtle echo against the car. Every few seconds lightning flashed and thunder rumbled, and after checking the weather on her phone, Sylvia saw this wasn’t letting up until tomorrow.

When Calum didn’t say anything, the heat in Sylvia’s cheeks annoyingly intensified and she pathetically stammered, “You live on the other side of town and I don’t—it might be too dangerous for you to drive back, y’know? It’s safer for you to stay here, I think.”

The way she gracelessly stumbled over her words was but an aching reminder that things between them had changed. In this moment, Sylvia was nervous around Calum, something she had never been even before they had started dating. With him, everything had been easy. They’d been different; he’d never been closed off from her. They’d instantly clicked as friends, that same energy only helping them in falling for each other ultimately. Happy and in love is what they’d been. Now, there was only room for confusion and frustration it seemed.

Calum eyed Sylvia, took in the way her skin glowed and eyes glittered against the blue lighting of his stereo, the shadows of rain droplets against his windshield bouncing off her pretty face. He refused to let his eyes wander any lower, to let his gaze drop to the V-neckline of the red satin with lace trim spaghetti strapped top she was wearing that made him desperately want to press his lips to the skin of her neck, pretty and in his complete view.

Staying the night at her place had, at one time, meant something else. Calum was pathetically unsure if he had it in him to spend the night under different circumstances.

“’S not necessary,” Calum responded, forcing himself to look ahead out the windshield, muscle in his jaw ticking briefly. “The rain probably isn’t as bad as it lo—”

His words were cut off by the sound of a blaring, familiar alarm going off, the unexpected sound prompting both of them to jump in the leather seats of Calum’s car. Realizing it was coming from both of their phones, Sylvia and Calum pulled out the devices, and his grip on his phone tightened when he saw the Emergency Alert informing them of flash flooding taking place, a sign from the universe that it would be impossible for Calum to drive anywhere, much less back home.

Calum pursed his lips as he cleared the alert, hand wrapped around his phone as he locked it and rested it against his lap. He leaned his head against the seat, staring up at the roof of the car as rain continued to pour relentlessly, and let out a breath that sounded too loud in the otherwise quiet of the car. This was definitely the universe, Calum decided, telling him to stay put against his will.

They were quiet for a tense moment until he heard Sylvia ask, “Wanna go in?”

Calum sucked his teeth before straightening, briefly glancing her way as he killed the engine of the car and pulled out his keys. “Yeah. ’M gonna grab my bag from the trunk.”

They both moved quickly, with Calum running towards the trunk, the cold rain instantly soaking him as his clothes stuck to his body and goosebumps raised on his skin. As he popped open the trunk, he watched through the rain with squinting eyes as Sylvia ran towards the door, reaching the protection of the porch of the house, and Calum quickly pulled out his gym bag before shutting the trunk, locking the car and running up to the house, feeling his sneakers squeak as he did so.

Sylvia was already inside the house when Calum reached the porch, entering quietly as he realized all the lights save for a single lamp in the living room were off, telling him Nana was fast asleep, given that it was nearing midnight. He frowned at the floor, not too keen on getting it wet as he dripped from head to toe, only looking up when he heard the flick of a switch and saw Sylvia standing in the doorway of the bathroom to his left.

For the life of him, he tried not to pay any attention to how her clothes stuck to her body as well, how droplets of water trailed down the column of her throat and line of her collarbones, or the impossibly thin material of her top looked like second skin, the sudden cold weather doing the perfect job of making her nipples peak under the material. Of course she wasn’t wearing a bra.

And given that it was Sylvia, the blood rushed through Calum’s veins a bit too harshly, trying so fucking hard not to remember how his lips felt against her skin when he used to have the pleasure of tasting every inch of her.

“You can change in here,” Sylvia told him, pressing her hands against her short hair to slick it back and over her ears. It gave Calum a wonderful view of her gorgeous face, shining because of the onslaught of rain. Her eyes flickered into the bathroom as she added, “Extra towels are—”

“In the closet by the sink,” Calum finished, prompting Sylvia’s gaze to turn back to him, and he offered a nod with the subtlest quirk of his lips. “I remember.”

Her chin lifted slightly, wishing that didn’t affect her as much as it did, before nodding as she gave a closed mouth smile. “Okay. I’ll, uh,” she paused, a nervous laugh breathlessly tumbling past her lips as she took a step back, “I’ll let you get to it.”

Calum watched her turn around to head down the hall to where her bedroom was, her hand coming up to rub at the back of her neck as her rings glittered briefly under the hallway light. He remained where he stood, feeling the water slide down his skin and drip onto the floor, not missing the way Sylvia allowed herself to glance over her shoulder to look at Calum one last time. Their eyes met once more, briefly as the distance between them grew, and it would be a lie to say the electricity that coursed through their veins at the quickest connection of gazes wasn’t as jolting as the lightning outside.

                                                             *****

The blades of the fan were hypnotizing as he watched them spin, their steady rhythm not doing much to help Calum fall asleep. Instead he lay there, in the guest bedroom of Sylvia’s house, right arm folded behind his head as he found himself wondering how the hell he ended up there. The mattress he laid on was soft and comfortable, and the scent of the room reminded him of autumn and Calum was sure it was because of a candle that had probably been lit earlier, knowing of Nana’s adoration and vast collection of Yankee Candles. The rain outside was coming down fast and thudding against the window to his right, but that had little to do with Calum being unable to fall asleep. It had everything to do with him being in Sylvia Westfield’s home.

Rather than losing himself in thoughts of Sylvia, which Calum had been doing for days now ever since she came back into his life, he got up from the bed with a huff after checking his phone to see that it was only one thirty, only an hour and a half since they’d arrived. His throat felt dry, so he opened the door to make his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water, stopping when he emerged into the living room and caught sight of Sylvia sitting in the dark, the room lit up only by the glow of the television opposite of her as it played at a low volume.

He’d been scratching the back of his head as he walked in, Sylvia oblivious to his presence, and his hand dropped to his side when he neared the couch behind her and gazed at the television. “You still watch Ramsay videos before bed?”

The baritone of his deep, slightly hoarse voice sounding right behind her unexpectedly had Sylvia jumping in surprise where she sat, a gasp choking out of her throat as she leaned to the side to look up at Calum. He returned her gaze, apology mixing with amusement, as she blinked up at him with wide blue eyes. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!” she exclaimed in a whisper, pressing a hand to her chest as her shoulders relaxed. When his question registered, Sylvia glanced towards the TV before looking back at Calum, wisps of hair that escaped from her lazy half up-do grazing her cheeks and jaw as she answered, “And yeah, I do.” She quirked a brow. “Wanna join?”

It kind of unnerved Calum that he didn’t really think about it, forgetting all about his water as he walked around the couch and settled onto the couch to Sylvia’s left. She sat with her bare legs crossed, and for a moment Calum regretted his decision to join her when he noticed her in nothing but an oversized UCLA shirt that gathered at her lap. He should’ve known better, should’ve recalled that Sylvia only liked to sleep in big shirts and her underwear because it had always fucking driven him crazy catching sight of her like that. Had always pulled her shirt off or torn away her underwear damn near animalistically because the sight of her dressed in just that had been too inviting.

That, he knew, hadn’t changed.

Hoping to distract himself, Calum looked at the TV, leaning back on the couch as he questioned in reference to the video, “Which one is this?”

“One hour of him hating food,” Sylvia responded with an airy chuckle. “It’s almost done. I was gonna watch videos of him insulting asshole chefs and owners next.”

Calum let out a soft laugh, watching as Gordon Ramsay returning a meal because he couldn’t afford a heart attack. “Still so cynical, aren’t you?” he mused, watching the video playing in front of him. “The fact that watching people get reamed on by Ramsay helps you sleep at night is worrying.”

The teasing tone that slipped into his voice had happened so naturally, so effortlessly, that Calum barely noticed it until Sylvia was letting out a soft giggle and gesturing to the TV with her hand. “If they insist their food is excellent when it obviously isn’t, they should be prepared to get shat on by the King of Mean!”

He couldn’t keep in his own laughter, right arm that had been propped on top of the couch bending as he rubbed the back of his head with his hand. Calum’s smile only widened as his giggles, an adorable mixture of raspy and squeaky, intensified when he watched Ramsay blow off parsley that was decorated on his plate before insulting the salmon he was to eat.

That was how they spent the next hour—or maybe more, since Calum was losing track of time as they continued watching more videos. And that’s all that mattered during that time, because this was familiar. This was something they used to do all the time. Before they went to bed, whether it be hers or his, Sylvia would pull out her phone or her laptop and go onto YouTube to watch these Gordon Ramsay videos. At first, Calum had thought it was the strangest thing, thought there were literally millions of other kinds of videos to watch before bed if Sylvia should choose to do so. Watching Ramsay harshly go at restaurant owners and chefs? It was definitely weird.

But then Sylvia would giggle at certain remarks Ramsay would make, would mutter her own colorful comments at the assholes shown in the videos, and eventually Calum found himself rolling over and pressing himself into her side, cheek resting on her arm or chest, and watching the videos with her in the dark of the room. It had become a routine, and when once watching those videos before bed had been only her thing, it soon enough became their thing.

Then they broke up, and Calum reluctantly broke the habit, not allowing himself to do something he used to once do with Sylvia. Until tonight.

“He’s such a dumbass!” Sylvia was laughing, struggling to keep her voice quiet because Nana was asleep right down the hall, one hand covering her mouth. Calum, too, was struggling to keep it down as well, slouching on the couch and pressing himself against it with his left elbow propped on the armrest and fist pressing against his own lips. His chest hurt gloriously as he tried to stay silent, knowing that too much sound traveled in the house and the last thing he wanted to do was wake up Nana. Still, both his and Sylvia’s laughter was muffled against the sound of the rain pelting outside. “I mean,” she began, wheezing through her laughs, “he tells Ramsay he’s been taught by some of Europe’s best chefs and then claims he isn’t a chef because Ramsay’s putting him in his place? The stupidity is unmatched!”

“Shh, shh,” Calum shushed through his own giggles, right hand waving at her quickly. He couldn’t remember the last time his cheeks hurt from smiling, from laughing so much. He didn’t even understand how he could feel so relaxed next to her, after trying to keep his guard up. But then again, it had been too easy for Calum to admit to himself that what he had once felt for Sylvia was still there, had never left. And try as he might to appear indifferent, to act as if his love for her was an idea of the past, he couldn’t lie to himself. He couldn’t disregard the fact that the reason this felt so easy, so effortless, was because he was still so God damn in love with her. “You’re gonna wake up Nana.”

Sylvia kept laughing, though she tried to press her lips together despite the sounds hoping to bubble past her mouth. She closed her eyes, the video they watched far too amusing, shaking her head and laughing as her hand reached up and absently grabbed onto the one he’d been waving. Her body leaned into his as she continued giggling, and Calum’s own softened at the first touch of Sylvia’s skin against his.

His laughter faltered, eyes dragging to the way her fingers had innocently wrapped around his, and suddenly Calum’s heart was in his throat because the touch was so fucking familiar. He was pretty sure she didn’t even realize how she’d grabbed onto his hand, as if it was only to anchor her from the laughter the videos they were watching enticed and she wasn’t at all thinking of what her hand in his would make him feel. And maybe she wasn’t, but that didn’t meant Calum wasn’t feeling a sudden warmth spreading through his body originating from a shock her touch instinctively brought.

The same electrifying, buzzing jolt Calum felt every single fucking time Sylvia touched him when they first dated. The feeling was still there, still ever present, and it had his heart rate picking up almost too fucking fast. His eyes were on their joined hands, on how her nimble fingers contrasted against his bruised ones, on his brown skin standing out against her paler tone. Everything else, in that moment, seemed to melt away as neither the TV still playing or the rain still falling registered in Calum’s head, his only focus on the girl still leaning towards him, her achingly nostalgic fruity scent washing over him, her giggles slowly silencing as she gathered her wits about her and raised her ducking head.

Their eyes met just as she did so, and it was like Sylvia was being thrown back into reality as the smile slowly faltered from her lips when she realized the position she was currently in; so close to Calum, mere inches away, with thighs pressed together and hands still being held. They grew silent, even their soft breaths unheard over the rain, and Calum felt his stomach lurch when he noticed Sylvia’s blue eyes drop down to his lips. Felt slightly betrayed when the urge to kiss her hit him like a truck.

He could feel himself lean forward as his own gaze went to her lips, pink and making him desperately want to kiss them, and felt his chin jut forward gently as he felt his fight weaken and allowed himself to give into the desire of pressing his lips to hers. Just a little bit more, and he’d taste her once again.

It was like a switch went off in Sylvia’s mind, and she was pulling away with a sharp breath and a hasty, shaken statement of, “I’m gonna go to bed.”

She didn’t even bother shutting off the TV, stumbling to her feet as she made her way to her bedroom, not even bothering a glance towards Calum. He remained on the couch, chest tight and mind racing with his heart pounding in his ears. So close, they’d come so close. It was fucking killing him.

He shut the TV off with a sigh and wondered, not for the first time, when she would stop walking away from him. Or, better yet, when he’d stop caring that she did.

                                                         *****

“Oh, look who just walked in—Calum, hello, sweetheart!”

Sylvia’s eyes widened, damn near choking on her drink. “Wha—Nana, no!” she stammered out in a whispered exclaim, lowering her glass and turning around, catching sight of the familiar blonde over the back of the booth she was seated in. When she saw Calum look over to where they sat, she quickly turned back to glare at her smiling grandmother. “What are you doing?”

Nana threw a quick frown at her before smiling. “You two need to move past your issues, baby. He’s finally started coming back around and I won’t have you drive him away.”

Her words had Sylvia’s jaw slackening, unsure if she should feel amused or incredulous at her grandmother’s dismissal. Sylvia wasn’t driving Calum away—she was avoiding him which, she knew, wasn’t any better. But after their almost kiss a few days ago, an almost kiss neither of them had expected to happen and left her stomach in knots and head riddled with memories of his lips against hers, Sylvia wasn’t entirely ready to see Calum again after that fiasco.

God. Nana was worse than Luann, it seemed.

“Hey, Nana,” Calum’s voice had Sylvia sitting up, the smooth baritone running a shiver down her spine as she kept her gaze fixated on her chicken club sandwich in front of her, her blonde hair tickling the skin of her bare shoulders thanks to her halter top. “Sylvia.”

She barely glanced his way, offering a fleeting smile and only being able to see his green and black plaid pants in her peripheral, as Nana looked up at him and patting the booth seat. “Sit with us, honey. Unless you’ve got somewhere to be.”

Sylvia didn’t look at him, instead her eyes flickered up to look at her grandmother with a warning expression coating her features which went ignored. Her tense shoulders only tightened more when she heard Calum said, “Uh, yeah, sure. ’M just gonna grab my food.”

He walked away, footsteps receding over the sound of the light music playing through the speakers of the cafe, and Sylvia finally lifted her head to stare at her grandmother as she folded her arms on the wooden tabletop. “Why?” was all she asked.

Nana clicked her tongue, looking disappointed at Sylvia’s obvious protest of Calum joining them. “Oh, honey, you two used to be so close. We’d always go out and eat together, it made me so happy. I just wanted some more of that.”

The nostalgic tone in Nana’s voice had Sylvia pressing her lips together, feeling a bit guilty for being so adamantly against this. Of course Sylvia had been aware of how close Nana and Calum used to be, remembered how he helped around the house just because he wanted to, because he like taking care of both Sylvia and Nana. God, she couldn’t just take away this rekindling between Calum and her grandmother just because she wasn’t sure of how to deal with her own issues, could she?

“Is that all you’re eating?” Nana questioned incredulously once Calum slid into the booth, sitting directly opposite of Sylvia, with a plate of a near pathetic looking turkey sandwich. When Calum raised his eyebrows at Nana, gaze involuntarily flickering to Sylvia who was paying too much attention to her own sandwich, Nana let out a huff. “That’s going to do nothing for you. You’re a growing man. Here, take some of my salad and fries.”

Calum’s lips parted, sounds of protest escaping him, and this time Sylvia couldn’t help but watch in amusement as Nana pushed her untouched bowl of salad towards Calum before transferring some of her French fries to his plate. He suddenly resembled a child, trying to get her to stop as he watched her with widened eyes and stammered, “What ’bout your lunch?”

“My sandwich is filling enough,” she responded, waving him off. “And I had a big breakfast. Eat up.”

Sylvia rolled her lips into her mouth, watching as Calum huffed out a breath before looking down at his plate. He was never one to not listen to Nana, and Sylvia realized it still endeared her now as it did the first time when Calum listened to her without too much of a fight, aware that he saw her grandmother as a mother figure and had a great amount of respect for her. So he smiled, letting out a short laugh before picking up a fork and pulling the salad towards him.

“So how’s everything with you, honey?” Nana asked Calum, never one for awkward silences which were bound to exist with Calum and Sylvia sitting across from each other. Hopefully Nana could be a buffer. “Are you still playing the guitar?”

He let out a close mouthed chuckle, a forkful of salad in his mouth as he nodded. “Badly, yeah,” Calum responded after swallowing, his gaze on the old woman next to him.

Nana scoffed at his words, very much doubtful of his answer as Sylvia remained silent, listening to them talk as she ate. She was getting such an intense sense of dejá vú, remembering the countless of times she’d be having a meal with her grandmother and Calum, listening to the two of them chatter away like old friends while Sylvia listened along intently, always feeling a wave of comfort at the knowledge of two of her favorite people getting along so damn well. That feeling, warm and fluttering, was still present, Sylvia realized, as she ate her sandwich and watched the two of them across from her.

“You never played the guitar badly,” Nana responded, the reassurance thick in her tone as she shot Calum a look. “I remember you’d play for Sylvia in our backyard all the time and I just loved hearing the sound of your guitar flowing through my house. I often miss it.”

Nana’s words had Sylvia’s heart jumping into her throat, feeling the blood rush behind her ears as she flickered her gaze up. She looked at Calum, caught sight of his profile as he had been looking at Nana, and noticed the subtle falter in his smile as he heard her grandmother’s words, his own gaze lowering slightly. The reminder of him playing his guitar for Sylvia, something he used to do quite often just for her, felt like a bucket of ice water was being poured over both of their heads, freezing them in place.

It was one of Sylvia’s favorite things, Calum playing the guitar for her. When he first started doing it, he’d been nervous, constantly telling her he wasn’t that good at it before playing as a way of keeping her expectations low. It had been endearing, she recalled, to see him so nervous before he played when she was so used to the confident, smug, and damn near arrogant aura she’d see around him before he stepped into the ring. To see him fiddle with his ring clad fingers before settling over the strings of the guitar and anxiously chew on his lower lip before playing had been a drastic change in persona, and it took Sylvia by surprise before she quickly realized that she loved that side of Calum just as much as she did any other. And, God, did she miss all of him.

Sylvia noticed the way Calum’s eyes briefly slid over to her, the action so quick she would’ve missed it had she blinked, because suddenly he was straightening his shoulders and forcing a smile back onto his full lips as he said to Nana, “Guess I’ll have to come by and play just for you, then.”

Nana raised a hand, fondly and affectionately patting Calum’s cheek, and Sylvia’s heart felt light when she saw the utter adoration her grandmother had for Calum. It made her breath catch to see Calum return it. “I look forward to it.”

                                                           *****

“Yay, you’re here! Sit! I’ll be right back, I have to pee.”

Sylvia blinked at Luann’s words as she reached the bar, being able to hang out with her friends since her mom was in town and spending time with Nana, eyebrows raising before she asked her best friend, “Do you want me to go with you?”

Luann waved her off, puckering her lips with a wave of her hand. “No, no. Order your drink. I’ll be back in a minute,” she insisted, hopping off the stool and pressing a chaste kiss to Luke’s lips before she grabbed her purse and headed to the back of the bar where the bathrooms were.

Still standing, Sylvia gripped the strap of her own purse, pressing her red lips together as her gaze slid over to the man sitting with his back against the bar to her left, offering the smallest of smiles to Luke as he sipped his own drink. He looked back at her, blue eyes dancing under the colorful lights of the bar, blonde curls framing his face, and Sylvia tried not to bristle under his stare.

The two of them hadn’t spoken since they were at Ashton’s get together, but Sylvia hadn’t forgotten Luke’s words. Could hear his voice echoing in her head, telling her that Calum was happier with her. It haunted her, especially when she saw Calum after that, with Luke’s comment ever present in the back of her mind.

“What’re you drinking?” His voice pulled her out of her thoughts, gaze meeting his expectant one.

It took a moment for Luke’s question to register in Sylvia’s mind before she finally answered, “Rum and Coke.”

Luke nodded, looking over his shoulder at the bartender and flagging him down, telling him Sylvia’s order and putting it on his tab before the guy nodded and began preparing it. It was ready quickly and Luke handed her the glass, which Sylvia took silently before saying, “Thanks. You didn’t have to.”

“Consider it an apology,” Luke responded, his words making Sylvia furrow her eyebrows in confusion, and Luke let out a breath. “I’m sorry for acting like an ass towards you. It wasn’t fair. I was just trying to—”

“Protect Calum?” When Luke nodded with a purse of his lips, dimples appearing briefly, Sylvia offered a small smile, one hand gripping the glass while her fingers played with the thin black straw. “I get it. I’d be the same way if it was Luann.”

“Yeah, she uh,” Luke paused to let out a breathless, almost sheepish laugh. “She figured out my, uh, behavior towards you and she was pissed. Gave me a bit of perspective on your side of the story. I guess I saw past my own anger on behalf of Calum to understand that you were hurting too, you know?” Luke gave a shrug of his broad shoulders, lips quirking. “Calum didn’t really show any anger after you left. I guess I was just projecting for him.”

At that, Sylvia’s eyebrows furrowed together as she took a sip of her drink, the cool beverage tickling her throat as she lowered the glass, head turning ever so slightly questioningly. “He didn’t—he wasn’t mad?”

Luke gave a shake of his head, blonde curls bouncing ever so slightly. “He was. . . Heartbroken and upset, yeah. But I don’t think he ever really was angry with you.” Sitting up, Luke licked his lips as he continued, “Like, I think he was definitely angry that the relationship ended and that you were gone, because I saw him take all of that out in the ring, but angry with you? I don’t think so. He never said a single bad thing about you. I don’t think he ever could, if I’m being honest.”

“I thought. . .” Sylvia trailed off, Luke’s words hitting her harder than she expected, lips parted and eyebrows drawn together. After she ended the relationship, Sylvia had been sure that Calum would never want to see her again, the very thought of it kept her up most nights after she left. But what Luke was telling her, it made her heart lurch and throat tighten exponentially. “I thought he’d hate me.”

At that, Luke let out a breathy, surprised laugh as his eyebrows raised. Sylvia wasn’t sure why that was funny, because it had been a genuine worry of hers. Just because she had been the one to end things, didn’t mean she stopped caring about Calum. She didn’t break up with him because she stopped loving him; she did it because she loved him so damn much and watching him step into a ring where there were no rules and anything could go wrong had been excruciating to witness.

And then Luke really took her breath away when he answered with a genuine, truthful statement of, “He’s not capable of it.”

One would think after hearing Luke say that, Sylvia wouldn’t try to avoid Calum too much as they all hung out at the bar. But she did, instead keeping close to Luann and the rest of the boys as more of their mutual friends showed up at the bar to hang out. Sylvia didn’t plan on drinking too much, despite the fact that she desperately wanted to and was getting jealous of Luann as she progressively got more shit faced as the night went on. But Sylvia was a bit too paranoid of doing something stupid if she ended up drunk—too paranoid of being around Calum while she was wasted.

Eventually, she found herself stepping outside to get a breath of fresh air, the bar beginning to get a bit too stuffy as Sylvia mentally berated herself for wearing a full sleeved top. It may be cropped to show off some skin but, shit, she really hated herself for her choice of tops.

She smiled at the tall bouncer as he opened the door for her to allow her to step out, nodding when he questioned if she would come back inside. The sidewalk outside the bar was somewhat busy, a small queue to get inside as Sylvia took in a breath, running her fingers through her short blonde hair to push it out of her face.

“You’ve got a bad habit of leaving bars by yourself at night.”

Sylvia turned her head to the left at the sound of the familiar voice over the muffled music of the bar, before looking to her right when she didn’t catch sight of him, gaze ultimately landed on Calum leaning against the brick wall next to the club, next to the window of a sandwich shop that was closed for the night. Her heart lurched violently in her chest as she took him in, black jeans and checkered Vans with a simple grey tee and leather jacket on top. A chain was hanging around his neck, and ring clad fingers were gripping a lit cigarette as he bent his left leg at the knee, foot pressed against the wall behind him.

She swallowed at his words, easily remembering the last time they’d encountered one another outside of a bar, crossing her arms over her chest as she faced him. “You’ve got a bad habit in general,” Sylvia responded, nodding to the cancer stick in his hand as she cautiously took a few steps towards him.

He offered a lazy grin, the red sign of the bar above glowing against his skin, bathing him in the tint, a color she’d seen him in too often in the element of blood. The warm Los Angeles air did nothing to quell the goosebumps rising on Sylvia’s skin from being under Calum’s gaze, coming to stand in front of him, a responsible amount of distance between them.

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, eh?” Calum returned, tone husky, as he brought the cigarette up to his lips.

As he took a drag, the end lighting up a flaming ember, Sylvia raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was being serious. Still, she reminded, “Cigarettes can kill you. Lung cancer says hi.”

Calum slid his lips to the side ever so slightly, blowing out a billow of smoke so it didn’t fly back into Sylvia’s face, his brown eyes intense and never leaving her. It was unnerving how the heat of his gaze was still enough to spread a warmth throughout Sylvia’s skin. “Think we both know if there’s anything that can kill me, it’s bein’ in the ring.” His eyes gave her a once over, lazy in the movement of his eyes, quirking a brow as his eyes met hers and he questioned, “That’s why you left me, isn’t it?”

The warmth suddenly vanished, and Sylvia was left feeling cold by Calum’s words as her back tensed, expression falling at the expectant, knowing look on his face. “Calum—”

“Don’t try to talk your way out of this one, Sylvia. We both know it’s true,” he cut in, giving a single shrug of his shoulder as he gestured towards her with his cigarette, the mere act radiating accusation. “You hated that I fought and rather than talkin’ to me ’bout it, you just broke up with me without lettin’ me get a word in and left with that convenient job offer of yours to hold you over. Love ’em and leave ’em, yeah?”

His words felt like a slap in her face, heart stopping in her chest as she stared at him. Sylvia’s surprised, hurt expression matched that of the twisting of her stomach, feeling her nose burn as a call to the tears that were soon going to spring in her eyes. The bitterness in Calum’s voice didn’t go unheard, a simmering fire in his dark eyes that provided no warmth whatsoever, rather made her feel like she was about to be burned alive. In that moment, Sylvia was really questioning Luke’s words of Calum being incapable of hating her because right now, he looked and sounded very capable and very willing of it.

She tried to gather the courage to speak up, averting her gaze to the wall rather than Calum, forcing the words out of a tight throat as she kept her arms crossed over her chest. “If we talked about it, it would just end up with me asking you to walk away from fighting.” Her voice was quiet, somewhat trembling, as she looked back at a stoic Calum. “It wasn’t my place to ask that of you just because I was scared. Especially when you love it so much.”

Her words were a trigger, Sylvia supposed, watching as she blinked in surprise when Calum tossed his nearly finished cigarette off to the side, kicking himself off the wall with his expression twisting into a frustrated frown. He took a couple of steps towards her, thick eyebrows drawn together and lips curled aggravatedly as he practically growled out, “I fucking love you more. If you were that afraid I would’ve at least considered stopping if you talked to me about it. But you didn’t give me a chance, Sylvia, you just left.” He was so close at this point, right in front of her as he stared down into her widened, taken aback eyes as his words registered in her mind. Calum saw the way she processed everything he said, saw the turbulent emotions swirl in the blue of her eyes, and some of the fire in his chest lessened as he let out a breath. When he inhaled, he smelled her fruity scent, and it relaxed his tense shoulders. She was so close, the heat of her body seeping into his, and Calum’s tone turned breathless, near defeated, as he finished, “I’d rather lose the ring than lose you. I’ve fought so many fucking fights and I hate myself for not fighting for you.”

That did it.

Sylvia didn’t think. She didn’t consider the pros and cons or the consequences for her impulsive behavior. Didn’t even consider that this was exactly what she was protecting herself from doing by not drinking throughout the night. But Calum had said the right thing, had made her heart swell and throat tighten and even well up some unexpected tears in her eyes because when he said something that he truly meant, Sylvia could hear it clearly. Could hear it in the thickening tone of his voice and could see it in the desperation of his dark eyes, and she couldn’t keep it together any longer.

She closed the distance, the heels of her shoes providing her some additional height as her hands gripped the lapels of his leather jacket and knowing exactly what she was about to do, because of course he knew her so damn well, Calum ducked his head to meet her halfway until their lips pressed together. And just as their lips touched, it felt like an explosion erupted within Sylvia’s chest, feeling the familiar softness of Calum’s lips as if she’d never been deprived of them for the past year, the taste of cigarettes not one she minded in this moment because, fuck, it felt so wonderful.

It was like everything they’d felt was finally coming to light, pouring every bit of emotion they could into the kiss as Calum sucked on her lower lip, Sylvia’s grip on his jacket tightening as she felt his hands grip her waist, feeling his warm skin and cool rings on her bare skin and pushing herself into him more. All Sylvia could hear was her heart pounding in her ears, could feel the electricity buzzing through her veins as Calum walked backwards so he could press his back against the wall, pulling her as close to him as possible, and she loved the way her body fit against his.

His tongue slid against hers familiarly, and Sylvia’s right hand raised from his jacket and cupped his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin and the sharp line of his jaw against the palm of her hand before it went to the back of his head. It was strange, not feeling the softness of his brown curls, but the shorter blonde felt new and familiar at the same time, and Sylvia unwittingly felt herself smiling against Calum’s lips as she kissed him. She wasn’t anywhere near mad at herself because of her paranoid self’s worries coming true. Not when he felt like this.

Not when he felt like coming home.

                                                          *****

“What happened?”

She had been feeling good. She’d been feeling better than she had in a while. After that kiss with Calum, Sylvia didn’t think there was much that could bring her down. The two of them had returned to the bar after that impromptu kiss—and after sharing a few more—and it wasn’t missed by anyone that the two of them were sitting closely together on the couch for the rest of the night. It didn’t go unnoticed that Calum would whisper something in Sylvia’s ear and she’d laugh, leaning into him as he kept an arm around her shoulders. A couple of kisses and it was like nothing had changed.

But they had, of course, and both Sylvia and Calum had decided to actually sit down and have a proper conversation about what was happening. They’d made it clear, that night, that they both wanted more. That they’d talk and figure things out and take it slowly, because Calum was still very much a prominent fighter and it was still something Sylvia worried about. However this time, she was willing to give it a try, especially given that he’s improved so much since last time. This time, she truly wanted this to work, because she’d had a taste of life without Calum, and it fucking sucked.

Unfortunately, it’s all she could think about now, with her heart racing wildly in her chest while she sat completely still, struggling to keep up with her breathing but making no show of it, refusing to let the tears gathered in her eyes to shed. Her voice was hoarse when she asked the two word question, throat dry as her gaze remained fixated on Calum. Remained fixated on a bruised, bloodied, bandaged Calum laying on the hospital bed.

Her hand remained on the top of his, careful not to touch or press on the bruised knuckles, his warm skin one of the only things reminding Sylvia that he was alive. That, and the consistent beeping of the heart monitor he was hooked up to.

“Danny Preston.” Ashton’s voice was quiet from where he sat on the chair on the other side of the bed, his own hazel eyed gaze on the beaten up face of his best friend. But Ashton’s jaw clenched, having to look away. Who could blame him? The sight of Calum’s busted lips, bruised and swollen jaw, black eyes, bleeding temple and nasal cannula helping with his oxygen flow was too much for anyone to look at. If Sylvia stared for too long, she’d feel her heart collapse and let the tears fall. “Him and a couple of his buddies jumped Cal outside of the cave. Preston knew he would’ve gotten his ass kicked so he made it five against fucking one and put Cal at a disadvantage. Fuck!”

He ended his explanation with a frustrated growl of a shout, slapping his thighs before pushing himself up from the chair, the force of the action pushing the plastic seat back. Sylvia, however, remained in her chair, and even with her lips pressed together she could feel the lower one trembling, eyes hot as her gaze reluctantly slid up to Calum’s face. The sight of him looking so injured, far more than she’s ever seen him before, had a whimper of a sob threatening to escape, free hand coming up as she folded her fingers into her palm and pressed them against her mouth, expression finally scrunching up painfully as she looked at Calum.

Unconscious and so hurt, an additional broken ribs and dislocated shoulder also some of his injuries. Looking at him like this, vulnerable and hurt and worse off than she’d ever seen him, was so much more painful than anything before. Her heart was beating so fast that she couldn’t even feel it anymore, the fear bitter in her mouth, his skin warm against hers, and her ears only picking up the sound of the heart monitor. It’s all she could focus on—an anchor to remind her that he was still alive, even if he didn’t look it.

“The police caught them.” It was Michael who spoke up next, his own tone tired but with hints of controlled anger, glancing at Ashton who was pressing his hands against the wall opposite of Sylvia, head bent between his arms. “We’re gonna make sure to press charges against all those fuckers, alright? This wasn’t some match in the ring, it was fucking assault and they’re gonna pay for it.”

Sylvia felt the wetness on her cheek, a tear she didn’t fight to keep in escaping, numbly listening to Michael’s words as she kept her gaze on her hand on top of his. Her eyes slid to the ALIVE tattoo on his wrist, and Sylvia felt her throat tighten even more, breathing heavy as the urge to cry overwhelmed her. She hated this. She hated this with every fiber of her being. Absolutely fucking loathed that Calum was in this position, was so injured that they had to wait for him to wake up. Her blood burned like poison under her skin, and Sylvia just wanted to cry. Everything she had been afraid of happened and just like she theorized, she had no idea how to handle herself in this situation. The dread had never been preparation enough. 

A hand gripped her shoulder, firm yet comforting, as Luke’s voice spoke up from behind her, “He’ll be okay. He’s a fighter.”

She desperately believed Luke, because what else was she supposed to do? Her and Calum. . . They were finally getting a second chance. They were going to try because both of them knew what they had was worth fighting for. It wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t be fair, that they finally found their way back to each other and the universe decided to be cruel and rip that chance away from them. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They still had things to figure out. But they loved each other, and it was going to work.

“You said you hated yourself for not fighting for me.” Sylvia’s words were a whisper in the quiet of the room. She was the only one in there, the boys and Luann giving her a few minutes alone with Calum. They’d been there for a few hours now, Calum having yet to wake up, and both Sylvia’s mom and Nana had visited as well. She’d accepted their hugs and words of prayers and reassurement, but all Sylvia wanted right now was to be able to look at Calum’s brown eyes again.

She sat close to the bed, arms resting on the mattress as her hands gently held his hand. She could taste the salt of her tears on her lips, unable to keep them in after the first few escaped, the fear too heavy to control. “But I need you to fight for yourself right now, okay?” Sylvia’s words were trembling and watery, choked out through her tears. She didn’t even know if Calum could hear her, but she needed to say it. She needed the universe to hear it. “Fight harder than you ever have in your life, because I know you can win, Cal. So please, ju-just fight.”

Her pleads kept falling from her lips, ducking her head until her forehead rested on the mattress next to his arm, one hand still holding his while her other rested against his bicep. Sylvia couldn’t hold in her cries if she tried, every single fear she’s ever experienced while watching Calum in the ring personifying in the sight before her, chest and stomach tight with the frozen terror of something terrible happening to Calum. Only now something terrible did happen to him, and Sylvia was losing her fucking mind over it. He needed to wake up. He needed to show her his brown eyes and flash her that boyish grin that always left her breathless. Sylvia needed all of that more than she needed the air to breathe, and the thought of not getting any of it made the nausea stir in the pit of her stomach.

“Don’t cry over me, love. ’M not worth it.”

The sound of Calum’s voice had Sylvia choking on her cries, head snapping up immediately and wide, tearful eyes landing on his face and, oh, his beautiful brown eyes. He met her gaze, tired and beaten, but still managed to lift the corner of his lips in a half smile as Sylvia felt him turn his hand so his palm was pressing against hers.

It took her a moment to realize what just happened, to register the fact that Calum was awake and responsive and smiling for her even though he was in pain, and she almost burst into a new set of tears in that moment. The relief that flooded her was breathtaking, momentarily struggling with pulling him into a hug or running out of the room to tell their friends that Calum was awake.

But he squeezed her hand, the action not as strong as it usually was, but the touch igniting the same butterflies in the pit of Sylvia’s stomach as it always did. She tried to calm her racing heart, feeling more tears fall from her lids as she let out a slow, breathless laugh while leaning towards him. She stood up, free hand coming to rest gently on the top of Calum’s head, looking down at him as his eyes never left her blue ones. She loved him. So fucking much, it was paralyzing. Him being in the hospital hadn’t been what had her acknowledging that, rather than him coming back to her—twice—only reaffirming the fact.

Her response showed just how much she loved him, hoped that he would see it too as she laughed through her tears. “You’re worth it all.”

                                                                  *****

The atmosphere was different than that of the underground, but the energy was the same. The crowd was loud, buzzing with excitement over the match about to take place, the arena echoing with chatter of the hundreds of patrons filling up the seats. It all looked so real, so professional, that it took Sylvia a minute to realize that this was actually happening. They were far away from the the dim lights of the underground cave, now within the walls of an air conditioned arena with concession stands, speakers, bright lighting, and tickets to be purchased to witness any fight about to take place within the ring in the center.

They were a long way, indeed.

“Syl, hey.” Luke’s breathless voice caught her attention, prompting her to turn around from where she stood by her seat, just taking it all in, as the lanyard swung against her chest with her movement. The blonde smiled down at her quickly before nodding his head towards the doors. “He wants to talk to you before he goes on.” His smile widened just a bit, blue eyes bright with excitement, though his dimpled grin showed fondness. “I think he’s a little nervous.”

His words made Sylvia let out a small chuckle before she nodded, allowing Luke to lead her out of the main arena and down the entry hallway where all the boxers emerged from. The sounds of the crowd grew increasingly muffled the further in they walked, turning the corner where people were bustling about, going in and out of rooms, until Luke stopped in front of a door and pushed it open.

Sylvia followed him in, hearing the sound of Nickelback playing throughout the room, eyes immediately landing on the tattooed man pacing in the middle of the room. Calum instinctively looked at Sylvia, like he felt her presence, and she saw the way his tense shoulders relaxed when she walked in.

Everyone else took it as their cue to walk out, Ashton and Michael shooting her smiles and Adam, Calum’s all-in-one manager slash trainer, doing the same as he walked past her and said, “You’ve got five minutes.”

He shut the door behind him, and then it was just Sylvia and Calum, standing with a bit too much distance between them. Her smile widened, raising her eyebrows as she walked further into the room and mused, “Heard you were nervous.”

Calum huffed out a laugh, running his fingers through his blonde hair which had grown out a bit, no longer kept short at a buzz cut. “Can you blame me?” he responded, throwing his arms out to the side, gesturing to the room they were in, an odd yet working mix between a dressing room and a locker room. “I feel like I’m way in over my head.”

“You’re not,” Sylvia instantly argued, approaching him with a firm yet reassuring expression, eyes on his. Truthfully, she was trying not to ogle at him in just his athletic shorts and sneakers, the sight of his bare tattooed chest and arms too damn inviting. Standing in front of him, Sylvia tilted her head to keep the eye contact, hands coming to grip his. “You were recruited, remember? Adam saw something in you when you were just an underground fighter, and now this is your chance to show how amazing you are. You get to prove that you were made for this, Calum, and you’re gonna kill it.”

His gaze dropped to their joined hands, and something in Sylvia’s heart tugged. He’d been nervous about this first match for weeks, and no matter the reassurances from her or the boys or anyone else, Sylvia knew it was just human of Calum to feel jittery. It was kind of adorable, but he didn’t need to hear that now. “What if I lose?”

“Then you fight harder in the next one,” Sylvia told him, ducking her head a bit so she could meet his gaze. She smiled when blue eyes met brown, fighting the urge to press a kiss to his full lips. “I know you feel like you’re out of your element here, but that’ll pass. You’re gonna go out there and you’re gonna blow everyone away with your skills and show that you belong.”

Calum lifted his head a little, looking down at her with a warmth in his eyes reserved only for her. That same look that always made Sylvia feel as though she was so loved. “You really believe that?”

“I do, because I believe in you,” she answered simply, truthfully, with an honest smile that took Calum’s breath away.

Her words were enough to quell all of Calum’s anxieties, smile widening at the blonde in front of him as he ducked his head and pressed his lips to hers, hugging her to him as he poured out his thanks into a dizzying kiss she wholeheartedly returned. “You’re my good luck charm, baby. I love you.”

Sylvia’s heart lurched happily in her chest, butterflies tickling her stomach. She was sure she’d never get tired of hearing that. “I love you, too.”

Minutes later, as she stood towards the front of their seating section next to Luann and the boys, Sylvia reveled in the way she didn’t feel the usual fear clawing at her chest as she used to in the underground. Because this was different. This wasn’t blood thirsty men betting on who got the shit kicked out of them in an unstable, ruleless environment. This was a professional boxing ring, televised, with rules and a referee and everything else that made it starkly different than from what any of them were used to. This, she could support.

Of course she was still worried, watching with proud eyes as Calum’s name was announced by the commentator and he emerged from his entrance with gloves covering his hands for the first time and a boxer’s robe draped around his frame. She clapped along with everyone else, almost everyone excited to see a newcomer make a name for himself in his first fight. And she grinned, cheering, when the worry Calum had shown her was nowhere to be found, replaced with the confidence of a fighter and the glare of a man determined to be the last one standing. Her heart swelled as he stepped into the ring, the robe gracefully being taken off his brown skin as he took in the hundreds of people he was surrounded by, not to mention the professional cameras broadcasting it all. If the presence of all of those affected him in any way, Calum didn’t let it show, chin held high and shoulders squared with the heat of the bright lights making him glow. He looked like a god up there, and Sylvia was ready to watch everyone worship him.

Then, for a brief moment, Calum’s eyes met hers and as they did, she saw the break in his arrogance. She saw the subtle quirk of his lips, a microexpression missed by everyone but her, and Sylvia responded with a wide, deliriously happy grin because she was so proud of him so excited for him. Despite his fears, Sylvia couldn’t help but think he belonged up there, a prideful tightness in her chest as she linked her hands together and rested her chin on top of them as she watched him.

Calum caught the movement of Sylvia’s lips as she mouthed a silent, I love you.

He’d return the sentiment later that night, loudly and proudly, after winning the first of many fights.

--

tags: @crownedbyluke @irwinkitten @glitterprincelu @hotmessmichael @meetashthere @mgcvocals @softforcal @astroashtonio @hereforlukescruff @c-sainthood @saintcalum @flannelpunkcalum @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @calntynes @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @spideyseavey @imfuckin10plybud @livibii123 @pastelpapermoons @malumharmonies @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @heartbreak-5sos @thew0rdneedsmcreyghurt @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysideblog @cocktail-calum @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @hzi0 @aulxna @mermaiden004 @theagenderwhocriedwolf @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @calsophat @inlovehoodx @calpops @xhaileyreneex @sublimehood @bloodlinecal 

[jbuffyangel]

Strength: Arrow 8x05 Review (Prochnost)

We’re headed back to Russia for some Queen family vacation fun, except their version of “fun” is kidnappings and fight clubs.

Let’s dig in…

Oliver, Mia and William

Do you remember how we used to pray for a scene of Oliver teaching Felicity the bow and arrow? 

The scenes with Helena fueled my hate fire for years. The closest we ever came to Olicity “training” was Oliver offering Felicity a few punching pointers

and the glorious salmon-ladder-leads-to-sex scene.

I’m not complaining! All I’m saying is we could’ve had a bow-and-arrow-training-leads-to-sex scene too. I have several insert-scenario-here-leads-to-sex scene ideas this show has yet to explore.

Anyway, if we can’t have Felicity training with Oliver then second best is their daughter training with Oliver. The intro to “Prochnost” is almost three minutes long and it’s pure fan fiction from start to finish.  

Source: felicitysmoakgifs 

Oliver teaches Mia how to tennis ball and uses cooking as analogy before he remembers she’s 50% Smoak.

It is clear Mia still has a lot to learn not only from a vigilante perspective, but also in terms of her archer skills.  

When we met Oliver Queen in the pilot his skill set was perfected. He was a fully formed bad ass. 

We haven’t seen Mia train other than a montage with Nyssa Al Ghul in 7x16 and I am thoroughly enjoying there’s still a lot she can learn from her father.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

Oliver reviews all of his trick arrows with Mia, but doesn’t want them to become a crutch. 

Source: lucyyh 

What he doesn’t say is trick arrows became more of a necessity in disabling criminals after killing them was no longer an option. We’ve come a long way with Oliver Queen. If you had told me father/daughter training sessions were in our future when I watched the pilot then I would’ve laughed you out of the room because that’s a special brand of CRAZY.

Of course, a training scene without the stick thingies wouldn’t be a training scene on Arrow. 

Source: miasmoakdaily

Yes, I know there’s a technical term for the stick thingies, but if I haven’t learned it by now do you think I ever will? No is the right answer.

Oliver: Nyssa taught you well.

Mia: Mom made sure of it.

I think Arrow makes an important point during this scene. Nyssa Al Ghul is good, but she’s no Oliver Queen. There’s been many seasons where it feels like the writers down played Oliver’s skills to give the other team members something to do *cough*L*urelLance*cough*. 

However, the writers seem particularly focused on showing how Oliver’s skills are a whole other level now. Remember, he’s the guy who killed Ra’s Al Ghul – probably the greatest fighter of all time. It’s why Riccardo Diaz being a formidable threat was so laughable. When Felicity reached out to Nyssa she was asking the best for help, but there truly is no substitute for Oliver Queen.

Source: miasmoakdaily 

Mia “The Machine” Smoak-Queen (her official title btw) doesn’t need a break, but I love how Oliver worries about her nonetheless. DADDY OLIVER IS SO SOFT.

Source: amunetblack

Mia gently reins in William’s ramble and this is the brother/sister banter I am here for. Look, I know we’ve clocked a season and a half with these kids and I should be used to moments where they remind me of Oliver and Felicity, BUT I CAN’T GET USED TO IT. It still fills me with absolute glee anytime it happens.

Children are individuals with unique personalities, but one of the more fun aspects of parenting is seeing traits of other family members, or maybe even yourself, emerge in the child you’re raising. I feel the same glee when my daughter reminds me of my husband or mother. And since William and Mia are my fictional TV children why should I be any different?

There’s a Curtis reference in this scene, so naturally I doze off when that happens, but the cliff notes version is the energy wave that destroyed Earth 2 can be recreated. There’s a Russian general trying to replicate it via pulse wave generator weapon and Team Arrow needs to get the plans.

I think. Plus they need plutonium which Diggle volunteers to get.

Oliver invites the kids to Russia with him and they are equally as shocked as I am. 

Really? We’re going to Russia? I mean, I know we’re going to Russia, but Oliver’s casual invitation makes this trip sound like the equivalent of a grocery store run. The kids are so excited to be invited they think they’re going to Disney World with Dad.

This is so not going to be Disney World. TELL THEM THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE DISNEY WORLD OLIVER.

Oliver: I’m a better man. Different man. I think I can teach them the good without showing them the bad.

Oliver thinks this is going to be Disney World. 

Diggle accurately points out visiting the place which was home to the darkest point of his life may not be as simple as Oliver would like it to be. His answer is equally wonderful and sooooo WRONG. It’s WONDERFUL Oliver believes he’s a better man. It took us 8 long years to get here and his statement is no small thing. Round of applause for our boy.

Unfortunately, this is where the wonderful ends. Oliver is determined to only show his children the good. I guess it sounds ok when he says it, but upon closer examination it misses the forest through the trees. Everything that happened to Oliver Queen, good and bad, has formed the person he is. He cannot extricate the bad from this story anymore than he can the good. They are a sticky wicket forever entwined together. Take out one and you don’t get the full picture. And what his children need and deserve is the full picture.

That’s not to say Oliver’s filter is entirely wrong. There are certainly topics and information children are not ready to hear, can’t understand, or wouldn’t be appropriate to tell them. Every parent has some kind of filter when raising their children because that’s what good parenting requires.

This is appropriate when children are small. As your child grows into an adult then your relationship with them must become more adult, which requires more transparency. This is the problem between Oliver and his children. He is parenting like William and Mia are still little. And they are not.

If plans for a pulse generator sound like a flimsy excuse to go to Russia then you’d be right. The real reason we’re going to Russia isn’t because of some rando general. It’s to say goodbye to one of Arrow’s greatest supporting characters - Anatoly Knyazev

“My brother.”

I block out most of Season 6 because half of it was a walking horror show, so I don’t remember where Oliver and Anatoly left things after he joined and then betrayed Team Bad Guy. 

I guess their cool now? I don’t really want to spend all kinds of time on Oliver and Anatoly hashing out their issues, so if a hug gets the job done then I’m good. Also William speaks Russian. Queen men speaking foreign languages is hot.

A+ reaction Steve. 

Source: arrowdaily 

Anatoly was bored in the Maldives, now owns a bar and has a delicious pina colada recipe so that pretty much catches us up on him. He offers to help find Burov, but Oliver doesn’t want Anatoly’s “friends” involved because they are Bratva and he’s not discussing the bad parts of Russia with his children. I think the good parts of Russia ended at pina colada, Oliver. See how this is going to be a problem?

The best place to meet up with Burov is a local fight club. This prompts William to share where he met his baby sister and gives us Oliver’s best dad reaction to date. 

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

Bless you William. You do God’s work my boy.

Mia: Why did you bring us on this mission if you aren’t going to let us help?

Oliver: This is the Bratva. They are terrible people and you guys are my kids.

Mia: Yes, but we’re not children.

Oliver: Well you are when I look at you.

Aww… my sweet, lovable, wonderful Oliver. 

Do we ever stop looking at our children as children? Probably not. I know I will always be my parents’ baby girl and my daughter will always be mine. It is difficult to fully accept a human being as an adult when you’ve changed their diapers. And in Oliver’s defense he changed Mia’s diaper about five minutes ago in the present timeline, regardless of the future adults standing before him. We must give him some time to… adjust.

But Mia is Mia and doesn’t listen to anyone, other than William (SOUND FAMILIAR?) and he’s firmly on her team this week, so they go to the fight club and watch Dad in action. Mia has heard the stories of her father all her life but seeing him in action is an eye-opening experience. She is difficult to impress, but her dad is AWESOME. Yeah, we think so too honey. Welcome to stanning Oliver Queen.

Source: olivergifs

Unfortunately, the Bratva aren’t cool with the deal Oliver made with Burov and kidnap him along with Mia. Her Spidey sense was tingling, so she went to check on dad. Oops.

Source: feilcityqueen 

If there is one lesson the Arrow villains consistently fail to learn it’s DO NOT MESS WITH PEOPLE OLIVER QUEEN LOVES. He gets very angry and wildly unpleasant, which leads to many broken bones and occasionally murder. You put hands on Felicity Smoak and even I’m down with Oliver ripping off your head.

Of course, Oliver wakes from unconsciousness and his immediate question is if Mia is okay. Can’t-Admit-I’m-In-Love-With-You Oliver, 

Boyfriend Oliver,

Fiance Oliver, 

Ex-boyfriend Oliver, 

Husband Oliver, 

and Dad Oliver  are all the same Olivers.

Mia doesn’t understand why everyone in Russia knows who Oliver is and quickly deduces Dad was Bratva. Our princess is a smart cookie! Oliver is ticked Mia didn’t listen to him and there is truly no greater justice in the world than God creating a child who is exactly like you. Robert and Moira are having themselves a nice little chuckle.

Source: lucyyh 

The Bratva threatens to torture Mia if Oliver doesn’t tell them what’s on the zip drive. Mia is very brave and tells Daddy not to say anything. Pfft. Not likely Little Miss Square Bear. He points a gun at Oliver’s precious girl and counts down from five. The Green Arrow breaks like a pretzel. Honestly, I’m shocked Oliver didn’t give the guy the whole store after four.

Source: olicitygifs 

Unfortunately, nobody believes Oliver is telling the full story and a very large knife is brandished in Mia’s direction. Seriously? The one-time Oliver tells the truth he’s accused of lying. How ironic is that? The goon was at least 20 feet away from Mia, but Daddy was ready to flay him alive seven different ways. 

Oh. He was only cutting the restraints. Okay, we’ll knock down the flaying to five different ways.

The Bratva force Mia to play the Ring the Bell game. I don’t know if that’s what it’s called, but it works for my purposes. Oliver is very much HELL NO CHILD, but really her only other option is death. Of course, if she doesn’t ring the bell she dies too. ISN’T RUSSIA FUN? 

Mia kicks major ass, but is unable to ring the bell in under 60 seconds. This might have something to do with her wasting time to look back at the clock and then waiting an additional 3 seconds to reach for the friggin bell, but that’s just details. Be less stupid Arrow.

The Bratva don’t shoot her because… they’re nice gang of Russian mobsters now? 

Source: arrowdaily

This made very little sense other than Arrow doesn’t want to shoot the female lead of their new television show. On second thought, good enough for me. Oliver shoots death daggers at the man who scared the friggin bejesus out of him and it’s pretty much a certainty he will be flayed eight different ways.

William has a full-on panic attack over his father and sister’s kidnapping and it’s pretty much the cutest thing ever.  Then L*urel actually provides some necessary and helpful information. Is that the second week in a row this happened? I’m scared fandom. Hold me.

L*urel: Aren’t the people in your family constantly injecting each other with tracking devices?

William: Normally I would say God I hope not, but now I guess I can see the advantages.

He’s able to track them down, but L*urel and Anatoly show up right after Oliver has already freed himself by dislocating his thumbs. I love that trick. Mia’s reaction is the perfect combination of horrified and impressed. She really wants that trick to be on the next lesson plan.

Mia is bumming hard over not ringing the bell and boozes it up with some scotch. THY NAME IS GENETICS.

Oliver has had enough of his kids almost dying and is putting their asses on a plane back home BECAUSE THIS ISN’T DISNEY WORLD. 

William jumps firmly on Team Mia and reminds their father he’d be dead without them. Oliver has been dislocating his thumbs on his own for awhile now children. I think he’d survive without your help.

It’s time to set these kiddies straight.

Source:  oliverxfelicity

Mia tries to argue the whole adults saving the city angle, but that’s not going to fly in this timeline cupcake. 

In this timeline, Oliver smooshed those perfect chubby cheeks one more time before he left to save the universe 

Source:  oliverxfelicity 

and his rebelling teenage son, who was ousted from the present storyline to make a ridiculous plot point work in the future storyline, ignored his phone calls. (I’m never getting over the whole William never moves in with Mia and Felicity thing. NEVER.)

So, all of his children can take several seats and do what they’re told or they will be grounded! That includes no computer for you, William and Oliver will be taking that bow and arrow back little miss Mia.

Side note: This was a perfect time for William to explain WHY he didn’t return any of Oliver’s calls or if he even received them, but NOPE. Why would these writers attempt to clean up this mess of a storyline with reasonable explanations? Better to just ignore the Grand Canyon sized plot holes and keep driving through. 

Stephen Amell does a wonderful job in this scene as Oliver’s voice quivers with emotion. He’s skating the edge of keeping his composure and losing it all together perfectly this season. Neither Mia nor William have offered much understanding for where Oliver is coming from. Yes, they are adults but 1) No matter how old they get they will always be Oliver’s children and 2) HE MISSED TWENTY YEARS.  

Oliver has been very clear this was not a choice he wanted to make. Mia and William are not the only ones who lost something precious. Oliver lost a lot too. Part of being an adult is letting go of the natural narcissism we all have as children. So, if Mia and William want to put on their big boy and big girl pants then they need to show their father a little understanding and compassion.

Mia: And because you made the choice to protect us I had to spend my whole life alone. I didn’t have a chance to get to know my brother to get to know you.

Mia is not ready to do that yet. She throws Oliver’s choices in his face once again. He is still the one she wants to blame. If this reaction frustrates you then that’s understandable because Mia is supposed to be frustrating right now. It’s odd for us to be identifying through Oliver, but that’s what happens when the hero becomes fully evolved. This entire episode is about showing how much Mia still has to learn not only physically, but emotionally too.  

Source: oliverxfelicity

Oliver is getting used to Mia’s blame by now and it doesn’t really change his opinion on this situation. The worst part of this argument is Oliver believing his children hate him. His worst nightmare was Mia and William not understanding his choices and resenting him for it. Oliver’s greatest fear isn’t death. It is his children believing he abandoned them.

Mia being angry at Oliver over not growing up with William is really not his fault and it’s bizarre how the writers are insistent on lumping that in with everything else she’s ticked about. I did a deep dive on Mia’s emotional and psychological viewpoint last week and I won’t repeat it here because everything still stands. But how is Felicity never going back for William Oliver’s fault?

I’m not putting the blame on Felicity here either. It’s a ludicrous plot point that makes absolutely no sense, so it’s pointless to even try to argue the logic. And yet, that’s exactly what the writers keep trying to do. But it merely shines a brighter spotlight on their illogical reasoning behind the decision.

We are already sympathizing with Oliver because we know how heartbroken he was to leave his children. We know he sacrificed everything for a bunch of ungrateful twats who caught a lucky break for existing in the universe. But forcing Mia’s character to continually blame Oliver for EVERYTHING can rapidly make this character unlikeable. Particularly since her father left to SAVE THE UNIVERSE. The writers need to tread carefully. This has the same nonsensical threads of the Season 4 break up. Or, even worse, Mia channeling the same the anger/blame/bitterness of Season 1 & 2 L*urel Lance. Nobody wants a repeat of those hot messes.

Oliver is floundering. He missed twenty years of his children’s lives. They’ve arrived from a different time as adults. Oliver was still learning how to be a parent and then the universe flipped the board. He has no idea how to do this and the one person who can help him isn’t here. If there was ever a time Oliver needed his Felicity this is it.

So, the only guiding light Oliver has right now is the promise he made his wife and mother of his children. 

Source: oliverxfelicity 

Not to get too nitpicky on the details Oliver, but as @callistawolf​ pointed out in our Watchover episode of 8x05, we never heard him make any promises to Felicity about the children. 

In their final goodbye, it was Felicity promising Oliver to do whatever was necessary to keep their children safe (re: Nyssa Al Ghul). So, let’s just create our own head canon there was some Olicity discussion about the future kids being in present day off screen and he made the promise to her then. Cool? Cool.

OR Oliver is merely trying to score points in an argument via emotional manipulation, which hey man. More power to you. Whatever it takes to keep kiddos safe, I guess. I did have to chuckle about Oliver keeping his promises to Felicity NOW that she’s off the show. Where was this guy in 6x23? Or maybe I sobbed quietly. Probably a little of both. Regardless of the reasoning, it’s an EPIC speech. Dad for the win.

Oliver decides it’s time to get boozy. Amen brother. Pass the scotch. 

Anatoly is no Felicity Smoak, but in the ever-spinning weekly wheel of characters trying to fill her role, he asks the obvious question. Is Oliver sending his children home because he believes they cannot handle Russia/vigilantism/life?

Of course, the answer has been obvious from the moment Oliver decided to only share the good. It’s not about what his children can handle. This is about what Oliver can handle.

Anatoly: That is understandable. You’re ashamed. You have truly done some terrible things.

Oliver: Thank you for the reminder.

Anatoly: But you also have done some good things. It’s important that the kids see both.

Can’t you just hear Felicity Smoak saying these lines? Only in an adorable ramble and less booze? I miss her. Just leaving this here.

I absolutely understand Oliver’s refusal to share the darkest moments of his past. It’s not like my dad has gone chapter and verse into his Vietnam experiences. But I know he was there. I know some of the stories. Maybe Oliver doesn’t need to go into detail about the time he skinned a guy, but he can be honest with his children about being in the Bratva.

Anatoly: That’s the thing about teaching. It’s not about what you want to say. It’s about what they need to hear.”

This part of the speech is all Anatoly. 

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

He taught Oliver living was not for the weak because this was the lesson Oliver needed to hear.  Maybe he missed out on teaching William and Mia how to tie their shoes or ride a bike, but nobody understands what it means to be a hero better than Oliver Queen. The Crisis is coming and if Oliver is marching slowly but steadily to his death then he must pass on all he’s learned. There is still so much to teach Mia and William about Oliver’s life and who he is. Those lessons can only come from their father.  What William and Mia need to hear is the truth.

“You were so little. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted all these years. Is for you just to stay little, quiet and safe. But you’re not any of those things. You’re loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of me.” Derek Shepherd, Grey’s Anatomy

His children are loud and fearless and it scares the crap out of Oliver Queen. But there’s a deeper fear driving his hesitation. Oliver is afraid that if he tells Mia and William the truth about his past then they’ll only hate him more. He is constantly afraid of losing his children’s love.

But truth is the path to understanding. Anatoly is right. Oliver must give Mia and William a chance. The real truth is there’s nothing he has done or will ever do that will make his children stop loving him. Sure, Mia is angry at Oliver, but she’s only angry because she loves him. She craves her father’s approval more than anything.

Oliver changes his parenting tactic. He cannot shield his children from the very life they have chosen for themselves. He asks Mia to fight in the ring with him and William to help get them in. Oliver treats his children like they are part of the team – like partners.

Mia has been trying to show her father what she’s capable of since the moment she came to the present. Underneath all that anger and blame, is a little girl who just wants to make her daddy proud. What Mia needs to realize is she already makes Oliver proud merely by existing. However, he offers her the support and belief she’s been craving as they enter the ring together. 

Source: oliverxfelicity

The look on her face says everything about how Mia truly feels about her dad.

Source: arrowdaily

FATHER DAUGHTER FIGHT CLUB. From the moment, we met Blackstar in the ring I hoped she was Olicity’s daughter and we would somehow, someway get a scene of Oliver and Mia teaming up. But I never imagined these circumstances. It’s awesome.

After kicking butt as a team and a family, Oliver opens the door to his past and lets his children walk through. And what better place to start than the beginning?

Source: olivergifs

The truth is a tie that binds and it will be the foundation of Oliver’s relationship with his children. Something he never had with his parents until it was too late.

And did William and Mia stop loving Oliver after they heard the truth? No. They understand him better and love him all the more for what he’s survived. 

Mia: Don’t forget to send me that picture of my dad with that haircut.

Anatoly: Don’t forget to ask about Bratva tattoo. We have matching.

Oliver: Used to. Used to actually.

William: Oh I’m gonna need to hear that story immediately.

Well... son this raving loony burned my tattoo off my chest after several hours of torture. 

The warm banter of this scene isn’t to make light of what Oliver Queen suffered. It’s to show the power of telling our stories. Pain and fear lose control over us, bit by bit, the more we talk about it and share with our loved ones. We let them inside the good and bad, so we don’t have to carry it by ourselves anymore. Overtime, we begin to see our suffering for what it is - something we survived. Children, in particular, have an ability to find the light in the dark. We can see our life through their eyes and remarkably, yes even find the humor in what was once unspeakable pain. And come on - Oliver’s flashback hair is always funny.

Family is the source of Oliver’s strength. It always has been. It’s what helped him survive the unsurvivable.

He can only become his children’s strength by teaching them how he became a better man. William and Mia can only understand who their father is, and how to be heroes, by knowing the good and the bad. Hiding either tarnishes the beauty of his story. Oliver is finally strong enough to tell it and his children are strong enough to hear it. And that’s how the past, present and future will find harmony, acceptance, forgiveness and love.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Diggle and Roy

John enlists Roy’s help obtaining the plutonium.

 Source: thistributeisonfire

We’re going to run through this pretty quick because this storyline is all about getting Colton Haynes back on Team Arrow for the final episodes. 

Diggle tells Roy what happens to him in the future. The cure for Roy’s bloodlust wasn’t hiding out on Lian Yu for 20 years. It was rejoining the team and fighting for the city again.

Diggle: Maybe this time you don’t have to wait that long.

Diggle’s ENTIRE motivation is to change Roy’s future and it’s not difficult to figure out why. Obviously John cares about Roy and wants to help him. However, Roy also makes a very good test case. Diggle is also desperate to change Connor, JJ and Zoe’s future as well. If they can make their own hope in the present then maybe things can be different for his children in the future.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer

We all need love and support. None of us can truly survive on our own - particularly when we are suffering. Roy fights John at first, but eventually he comes to realize he’s right. Roy found purpose and family when he met Oliver so it makes sense to him they are the reason he gets better. So why wait? He comes home and begins the path to healing twenty years earlier. And thus, a major storyline from Season 7 flash forwards begins to change.

ROY MADE SENSE Y’ALL!!! 

L*urel L*nce

I truly could not figure out why L*urel was in Russia. I guess to help Oliver track down these plans, but she spent the better part of the episode staring at her fingernails. That’s not even an exaggeration. KC stared at her fingernails for an entire scene.

Source: thistributeisonfire 

Her interactions with Oliver are even more bizarre.

Source: 1-crazy-dreamer 

I’m sorry, but does L*urel go here? Bl*ck S*ren has been on the show since Season 5. You’d think at this point she’d know Oliver Queen can easily handle one guy twice his size. I’m chalking up this stupidity to the acting version of a layup, so Stephen Amell can spike it with the epic comeback of, “I’ll give him half a chance.”

I guess L*urel is primarily in Russia to betray Oliver Queen and steal the plans or something, per Lyla’s instructions.

LL: And here I thought I was supposed to be the bad guy.

At last count Lyla never murdered innocent people, so I think she's still ahead by the numbers Bl*ck S*ren.  This is the problem with L*urel’s character this year. The comparisons her character makes this season are INSANE. Putting on a new suit and calling yourself Bl*ck C*nary doesn’t automatically make you morally superior to everyone.

At least when Season 7 L*urel was playing attorney she had a healthy perspective on herself.  I was a big fan of the snark last season and found her character to be refreshingly amusing in her biting honesty, but this year the writers lost the snarky humor and have gone straight to obnoxious hypocrisy and judgment.  Sometimes she’s just downright mean in a way none of the other characters deserve. Yes, Lyla is being shady, but this in no way erases the horrors of your past L*urel. 

L*urel: If saving it means going back to the person I used to be then what the hell is the point?

We all know this whole betray Oliver thing the Monitor is playing at with L*urel is a trick. She’s not going to betray Oliver and prove herself a worthy and useful hero.  Ok. Whatever. I know I’m supposed to get excited about her big speech, but this line kind of gnawed at me. 

L*urel is unwilling to save an ENTIRE EARTH because she’d have to do something shady. She’s not willing to do any dirty work if it sullies her good name. So, Earth 2 only matters as long as L*urel gets to be a hero on it? I guess I should be happy L*urel is holding onto her moral center, but if there’s anything Oliver Queen’s story has taught us sometimes heroism requires doing unpleasant things for the greater good.

Take Lyla for example – a person L*urel feels quite comfortable judging. Lyla has been lying to her husband, something she does not want to do, for the greater good. I think we know enough about Lyla’s character by now that even though her actions are hurtful we can trust her reasons. 

LL’s primary function this week it seems is to rat Lyla out to Diggle and Oliver.

Source: stevesrogered

I guess we’re supposed to rejoice there’s no price L*urel is willing to pay for her morality, but this is still the same person who has yet to take any responsibility for the people she’s murdered. The line just sounded so arrogant and self serving to me. I don’t know. Maybe it was just KC’s delivery.

It’s been difficult for me to imagine what role either L*urel or Dinah will play in the spin off and seeing as how the writers are struggling to find a purpose for their characters in the final season of Arrow I am not encouraged. That said, L*urel’s scene with Mia was one of the few bright spots for her character in this week’s episode.  Mia believes she’s not cut out to be a hero because she failed to ring the bell like her father and Zoe’s death still weighs heavily on her conscious.

Mia: Every time I try and live up to my dad or to prove I can do what it is you all do. I fail.

L*urel: If you’re trying to live up to us, don’t. We are just as flawed as anyone. Especially me. All you can do is live up to yourself.

Damn L*urel. That was really good advice and a truthful reflection of the person you are. CAN WE HAVE THIS ATTITUDE CONSISTENTLY WEEK TO WEEK PLEASE WRITERS? This is the first time I can see a version of L*urel working in the spin off, but that’s always the problem with the writing of her character. We never know which version we’re going to get.

Season 8 is slipping back into very bad Season 1 habits. There’s a lack of cohesiveness with L*urel and they really need to get this sorted out before the new show hits the air. Otherwise, we’re going to have the same problem we’ve always had with her character. No matter how many versions of L*urel’s character these writers create they never figure out who she truly is because they don’t want to devote the necessary screen time. This leaves us with a half baked canary every single time.

If L*urel is going to play Rupert Giles to Mia’s Buffy in the spin off then this scene is a good indication of how it could work, but that’s only if this path stays on track which seldom happens with this character. The key to LL is a very specific supporting role. She worked great in Season 7 because her focus was getting Oliver Queen out of jail. Then,it was about fleshing out her redemption and shipping her back to E2 to make amends.

L*urel lacks a concrete To Do list this year. They toss her into scenes and she takes up space looking at her fingernails. Or she arrives a few minutes after Oliver frees himself to scream down a door he could have easily opened. Or she says something hypocritical and nasty. REALLY? This is the best these writers can come up with? Sadly, history points to yes.

Keep her scenes short. Keep her scenes specific. Keep her scenes supporting. That’s the only way this character works. And believe me I wish it was different, but there doesn’t seem to be any version of L*urel L*nce these writers can keep a handle on.

You know what I appreciate about this scene between Anatoly and William though? Anatoly addresses his less than honorable past and apologizes. I can’t fully remember what Anatoly did to William - I think it might have been related to kidnapping or a bomb or a nuke or all three. See? I told you I don’t remember S6. My point is - can we expect an apology from L*urel for being an accessory to William’s mother’s murder? I won’t hold my breath. It would be extremely helpful if they addressed LL’s past in an honest way and actually had her show remorse to one of her victims, but again that requires more screen time and effort than this show is ever will to give her character.

SO WHY DO THEY KEEP HER AROUND?

Stray Thoughts

Connor isn’t in this week’s episode because he’s checking in on Sandra. Soooo… Connor can visit his mother but Mia and William can’t visit theirs? I know this is yet another EBR plot hole, but find a better reason for Connor to be MIA writers. It just makes the Smoak-Queen family look uncaring, which we know they are not. And if Connor can get an off camera mother moment mention then why can’t Mia and William? THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT ANNOY ME.

“Has anyone fought six men before?” Mia and Oliver’s side eye is hilarious, but didn’t Mia fight six goons by herself? And we’ve watched Oliver take down twenty without breaking a sweat. Raise the number in the ring a little if you want me to take their hesitation seriously.

Diggle is absolutely horrified to find out Lyla is working against the team with The Monitor. “I didn’t want to believe it was true.” Boy, really? Who are you kidding? This is Lyla Michaels, super spy. She’s been lying and doing shady things from minute one. She’s the Oliver to your Felicity. Get out of here with that nonsense. This is totally something she would do and you know it. Lol

William doesn’t like the field, but the allure of beautiful couture convinces him otherwise. At least he didn’t have to go on a skeevy date with Ray Palmer to wear it. Source:  felicitysmoakgifs

William’s “Wrap it up” sign while Mia was fighting was such a funny and wonderful way of showing their team within a team.

“I can be the fun uncle.” Raise your hand if you want Anatoly as a fun uncle. 

He was a complicated, but ultimately wonderful character who made Arrow a better show. 

Goodbye Anatoly. I will miss you. source:  oliverxfelicity

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[writingsoftheunderworld]

AU - yes! Time Travel -no?

C. 2 here ; C. 1 here; AO3 here. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Bonnie Bennett had begun her day with a slow calming chant of Don’t let him get to you, her thought firmly centred around one Damon Salvatore, a true thorn in her side since he’d first arrived in town not too long ago. She’d woken up slowly, light filtering through her blinds and shrouding the whole room in a husky shade of caramel, the lingering scent of citrus from the candles burnt the night before giving the room an all to homely feeling. She could hear her dad bustling downstairs, most likely getting some coffee for the road. It was fairly early still, but she had free-period the first half of the day and she was skipping the rest - life ending crises a good enough reason even if Mrs Jason still claimed that unless you were actually dead you had to show up for math class. She laid in bed a few more minutes, listening to her dad get dressed and slip out the door. She wondered for not the first time whether it would be better off if she tried to tell him all about this witch vampire mess again, but Grams had wanted him out of it, and he had wanted out of it after her mom left, so for the thousandth time she put it out of her mind. 

She showered, changed and climbed down to get the little mug of coffee her dad always left out for her, dropping more sugar into it than a candy store had on its selves. Elena had once joked that if she didn’t end up making it big she would always work as an oompa-loompa for Willy Wonka for how much sugar she dumped into her coffee each day. Bonnie was still not sure if Elena thought that was just a good joke or if she just hadn’t understood the Chocolate Factory as a child. Caroline just liked to pat her on the shoulder with a wistful look on her face, like she wished she had Bonnie’s devil-may-care attitude about it - which ironically seemed to have not been the case even now as a vampire who ate more than a Quarterback. 

The noise of Jeremy knocking on the door startled her out of her thoughts enough to almost spill the coffee on her shirt. Almost being the key word thankfully, so she dropped the mug into the sink and swung her bag over her head and headed for the garage. They were meant to meet Damon on the edge of the former Salvatore Estate, just off of the main road, by the woods, from where he’d then show her where the former Salem witches had been burned some centuries ago and where the Founders had burned Emily as well. Klaus was a threat hanging over their head constantly at this point. 

On their way Jeremy began telling her about Isobel’s impromptu visit earlier this morning and how poor Aunt Jenna had locked herself in her room following it. Bonnie felt sorry for the woman, she definitely didn’t deserve to be lied to like that, but Bonnie also felt that telling her the whole truth would’ve been equally unfair. The least Alaric could’ve done was say that his wife was missing rather than dead, but that was none of her business at the end of the day. They talked some more as they waited, they’d arrived a bit early after all, and Bonnie realised once again just how different Jeremy now was, and how nice it was to see him so invested in her. She wasn’t sure yet if she actually liked him like that, but she definitely could imagine how sweet and thoughtful he’d be as a boyfriend. And she needed someone frankly. Seeing Elena with her two Salvatore’s bending over backwards to rescue her from any and every inconvenience and now Caroline complaining about having been kissed by both Matt and Tyler made her frustrated. Less so for the fighting over her situation, that sounded exhausting, but rather for the constant work she had to put into herself to even be noticed. Maybe she should move for college, she had a feeling Virginia might be part of the problem here as well, though she did find it hilarious how both Matt and Tyler had initially dated her before either moved on to Elena or Caroline. Then it just made her sad. Was it something about her that pushed them away?

She remembered with sudden clarity asking that to her Grams and the hour long lecture following her words, of how she was a strong woman, how boys wouldn’t be able to handle someone like her until later, how she should still enjoy herself and not be tied down to a boyfriend from middle school onward because then you saw what could happen - exhibit a through z Elena’s many rants about Matt. She’d listened but not believed her Grams. She still wasn’t sure if she believed her Grams but she did know she wanted someone for her own now, hell, she needed someone with all the stress and violence her life had suddenly turned to. And Jeremy was safe, and cute, and had puppy dog eyes for her and vived for her attention. Was part of her thinking she was settling? Maybe. Did she care? Not really. And speaking of not caring, where the hell was Damon at? He was already late by 15 minutes. Don’t let him get to you. Her inner voice chimed again.

“Jere, how about we just head to the Boarding House? Clearly someone is looking to be set on fire.” Jeremy laughed and nodded. He clearly thought Bonnie was joking, but oh boy couldn’t he be more wrong. Bonnie was 1000% setting Damon on fire if he didn’t come up with a good enough excuse. 

_._._._._._._

Rose waited and watched. Jeremy Gilbert was off to the side, looking completely eager and completely in over his head as Bonnie and Damon were arguing about the best course of action following her short introduction into what she knew. And if they thought that was all she could tell them, then obviously they were still underestimating her which frankly was a bit condescending seeing as she was at least 2 years older than the Bonnie currently glaring at Damon. But she’d guessed that would be the reaction she was going to get when she made her choice to be as dramatic as possible. Mom used to say she got it from dad, but seeing the two younger versions of them interacting now she could safely say she got it from both. God knows those eye rolls and ridiculous insults were exaggerated as hell. How did these two people become her slow dancing in the kitchen on a random Thursday evening parents?

“Excuse me?” she tried, weakly, but still she gave it a shot. Jeremy looked over to her then at the still arguing duo then back at her with a look that seemed to say this is just an ordinary Monday for them. “EX-cuse ME!” she tried again, this time much louder but nothing. She sighed. Lost cause.

“If you would’ve let me pick you up like I said initially, you wouldn’t be here wanting to blow my head up now Judgy!”

“If you’d know how to use a phone like a normal person, I wouldn’t have waited needlessly for you for hours Damon!”

“Oh please, it was barely 5 minutes.” he scoffed and Jeremy piped up with a it was fifteen technically that Damon just elected to ignore it seemed. Sometime he did remind Rose of her dad. 

“It doesn’t matter! We’re dealing with Klaus! A 5 seconds text shouldn’t be something I need to tell you to do!” Aaannd sometimes she reminded Rose of her mom. Great, now she had anxiety again. And lord knows her mom won’t just raise her voice to yell at her for ending up here like this Bonnie was doing, no no, her mom would have a level voice that somehow would hurt far more. She needed a distraction. She also needed to figure out what was about to happen around this time. Like she remember her dad mentioning that Alaric had gotten possessed at some point and that he and mom had danced at a school 60s event - which she had to ask who actually came up with that stuff, because while Lizzie definitely loved a nice theme party, she still went with like a hava night, or a rock theme or an Austrian ball or something more generic but more fun, not a decades dance. Digressing though, Rose knew these facts, but she didn’t know anything immediate. She needed more information. More inside information.

“Guys, could you take a break and answer a few questions for me first?” she tried one more time. To no avail. So hard times ask for hard measures or something like that and stubborn younger versions of her parents call for her parents usual solve to stubborn daughter fighting with her friends voice so she did her best to channel her mom’s level tone and her dad’s intimidating presence and for someone not actually related to them she though she did a good job seeing as Bonnie and Damon turned in unison to glare at her before being reminded of where they were and what was going on here. She was actually pretty proud of herself for that feat.

“So as I was trying to say, can you give me run-down of what’s been happening here?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, weren’t you the one who knew everything?” Damon commented snidely and Rose almost high-fived Bonnie when both her and Rose said in unison.

“Oh, you know what sorry means?” Bonnie off to the side.

“Oh, so you agree I was right?” Rose with a grin.

Damon  seemed to take a moment to grit his teeth and bite back his words before shaking his head, giving a smirk and walking right past Rose to pour himself a glass of bourbon and spread out onto the couch in seeming nonchalance. Rose would almost commend his acting here, if he didn’t also irritate her with it. Who knew dad used to be such a child… well, more so than in her universe...time?

“Damon, she didn’t say she knows everything and don’t be a dick. She’s the only one willing to help us here.” Bonnie on the other hand, Rose was beginning to appreciate more and more. Maybe she was more Mom’s pet in the past than Dad’s pet as she was used to.

“Thank you, Bonnie. And no, I don’t know everything I just know a lot, but I still need to have the full picture and all the players to tell which is the best plan of attack here. As I said, you can’t kill Klaus, but you also don’t want him to become a hybrid right? That means we need to take every variable in consideration.” she argued and saw both Bonnie and Damon share a look before seemingly agreeing with her point of view. And boy was the Klaus of her universe going to laugh himself stupid when/if she made it back and told him his lessons in planning schemes - her dad’s turn of phrase not hers of Klaus’ - had been what had helped her most here. Oh irony, you cruel, opportunistic bitch. 

“Bonnie was meant to take on over 100 dead witches’ energy today, it’s why we were waiting for Damon, he knew where they’d died.” came the first important nugget of information from the most - or least? - expected person, Jeremy Gilbert himself. Rose smiled at him in gratitude, glad at least one person was listening. 

“Ok, that’s still going to be useful so maybe you should do that anyway and meanwhile I’ll see what Katherine's hiding?” Rose suggested and she didn’t even need to think before knowing that Damon was going to disagree with her - her dad still made that face whenever she and her friends planned something he thought was too dangerous or risky. Bonnie however seemed more receptive. 

“No way! Do you even know what that bitch is capable of?” as she said, predictable.

“Damon, I think she might be right. You know Katherine is planning something, no way is she helping from the goodness of her heart and she won’t say anything to any of us.” Ah, how she loved her mom’s pragmatism at times - except when she was 14 and wanted a pony, then she much rather preferred her dad’s personal brand of impulsiveness that not only got her the pony she’s wanted since 5 but also made a stable off a little way further from the house.

“And she is still keeping Katherine knocked out.” Jeremy was quickly becoming Rose’s favourite person, no joke. He was full of wonderful insight and 100% helping her barely formed ideas come to fruition. She smiled proudly and nodded to the still unconscious vampire on the floor. She elected to ignore outright looking at the woman for now, too weirded out by the 1 to 1 replica of Elena to feel comfortable with it. Doppelgangers were too much for her. It was like evil clones, her dad had explained when he tried to make her understand how the whole doppelganger thing even worked - something about the universe or some chick named Tessa or another, she hadn’t been paying too close attention by that point. Their lives were very convoluted in her opinion. 

Damon seemed to consider this possibility then, taking another large sip of bourbon and looking directly at Rose as he did so, before slamming the glass onto the end table by the foot of the couch and jumping to his feet. 

“Alright, fine, then Bon-Bon, you me and little Gilbert need to head off. Rosie-Posie, you get the Queen of Hell. Good luck to you, you’re going to need it. The bitch hasn’t told the truth a day in her life.” 

Rose nodded, smiled and waved them off as they all got out and left to do what they’d planned to do. She couldn’t wait for that honestly, it would at least get Bonnie’s magic up closer to the levels Rose knew from her mom. But the Rosie-Posie was going to kill her the longer she stayed here. It was going to make her slip and call Damon dad and it would all implode into itself, because if she was weak to one thing, it was being her dad’s Rosie-Posie and while she was fully aware this wasn’t actually her dad, her heart didn’t care. All was left now was for her mom to brush her hair out of her eyes and she might just snap. She’d missed her parents far before she got herself stranded in a different universe - despite it having been barely a few hours - since she hadn’t been home in at least 2 months. Sure she’d seen them nearly every night, more mom than dad since dad tried to pretend he still was immune to missing his girls, but it wasn’t the same as hearing her dad from a few feet away, well within hug reach or feel her mom’s warm hand through her hair. Fuck, and now she was crying. This day couldn’t be going worse. Her eyes strayed to Katherine and she groaned. Oh, it could definitely get worse. It could get so much worse.