#i mean you should be reading about other ppl experiences online aside from just your circle of curated friends and mutuals

[fefairys]

definitely something to be said about the privilege of having queer community in real life. cause not everywhere has places where u can go and easily/safely meet other queer people... so there are a lot of people online who are in echo chambers bc they only surround themselves with people like them and they dont really know any queer ppl irl (through no fault of their own) and so they end up only knowing about perspectives of themself and people who agree with them on everything.

in real life queer communities youre not going to agree with everyone on everything, but thats a good thing. we're all from different backgrounds and have different experiences, different upbringings, etc. online if you disagree with someone you can just unfollow them, but if you're in a community irl and you disagree with someone you cant just kick them out of their damn community. you have to listen to each others perspectives and find common ground. and sometimes agree to disagree on certain things. i feel very lucky to be able to be exposed to so many different queer experiences through my irl queer friends that i wouldn't have if my only exposure to the queer community was the people i choose to surround myself with online.

[iraprince]

Heyo! Any advice on struggling to get your art seen in the world? I feel like no matter how much I post, or what I post, people never see it or seem to like it. I love art and am pursuing it as a career (hence why Im getting a degree in it currently lmao) but its kind of disheartening to work really hard on something, post it, and no one sees it.

oh, man. i'm afraid for this one i don't feel like i have a lot of solid advice. having a large-ish following online feels like something that kind of just, like, Happened to me, mostly on accident/in ways outside of my control, and even if i had some ideas on how to potentially replicate those gains i don't think they'd work consistently. (also, a lot of my large jumps in follower count came from mental health related work going viral bc it's #relatable; this is something i have complicated feelings about and it's absolutely not a viable, like, "strategy" or something that i would recommend, in the way that ppl can say like, "fanart gets attention!" or stuff like that.)

so, i don't have advice for how to actually GET those eyes on your art; i can maybe help with making ppl more likely to STAY once they do find you, and how to build a following that will actually help you maintain a living from your work -- bc i have TONS of peers w a following a fraction of the size of mine who get more jobs than me, are doing cooler/more "professional" stuff than me, etc! (heads up that most of my experience is on twitter; i know less than nothing about places like instagram + tiktok, and while tumblr functions very differently from twitter i feel like i handle things mostly the same here, aside from doing less personal posting/being less talkative and not 'networking' or following many people).

SCROLLING BACK UP TO ADD A SPOILER ALERT: AS ALWAYS I HAVE SAID "HAHA IDK I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY ADVICE" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TYPE A FULL ESSAY. IF YOU ARE ON DESKTOP YOU CAN HIT THE 'J' KEY TO SKIP THIS POST. IF YOU'RE ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY

a very important thing, especially professionally: it HAS to be easy to see what you do. (this is easier here on tumblr, where u can have a designated art tag etc, than on twitter, which is an awful website that sucks. <- guy who makes all his money on twitter) this means, like -- if i see something from you and get curious and click your profile, it should only take one more click to quickly see at least SOME of your art. on a professional account, it's probably best for your icon to be your own work, something snappy and memorable and eye-catching that reads well at a small size; people shouldn't have to dig for 20 minutes before they can start browsing your art. on twitter, this means TRY not to gunk up your media tab with a ton of reaction images/screencaps of your gacha pulls/etc; on here, it means make your art tag easy to find; on any website, a portfolio link, prominently displayed, is the best bet. (i am still working on that one myself lmao and i've been working professionally full time for a few years now so like, there are outliers and wiggle room on all of this).

next! it's great when your audience finds you, but you have to find them, too. find artists who do similar stuff to you and get into their stuff -- sincerely, not just as "networking." (like only do this with ppl whose stuff you actually think is cool, not just trying to get in mutuals with everyone you see in hopes of a bump, obviously.) get interested in other indie artists, find the people who are working/publishing in the spaces that are exciting and aspirational for you, and support them! i don't want it to sound cynical when i say there's a kind of give-and-take built into this; the point is not "well, if i reblog/retweet a bunch of YOUR stuff, maybe you'll feel obligated to boost mine in return," but that when you find other artists/creatives who are on the same wavelength as you, you will naturally stumble into pools of people who want to support art like yours, and you and your newfound peers will help each other when you hype each other's stuff up and direct followers to each other! (again re: things going differently on dif websites: this is twitter-specific for me, bc i use my tumblr as a gallery/portfolio. that doesn't mean it doesn't happen here tho! it can and does happen everywhere!)

it is really not a competition. i know that SOMETIMES it is in like, a really nitty-gritty numbers sense; people only have so much money to spare, they will make choices about whose patreon they can afford/what comic to buy/etc, that's true. but to me that's not competition. people who are sincerely into your stuff will hang on until they can afford it; maybe that means someone follows you for two whole years before the planets align and they have the budget/opportunity to commission you. by hanging out in similar circles you are not taking potential business or opportunities away from anyone else, nor are you risking leading your own audience to Someone They'll Like Better; you're just offering more options, and the internet is VAST and endless, and EVENTUALLY people will show up who are into YOUR STUFF, SPECIFICALLY. helping each other is never going to stifle or delay that!!

and my final chunk of advice is the one i give constantly that everyone is probably super sick of hearing but i just seriously seriously believe in it, even tho i know it's slow to pay off and hard to follow: keep doing exactly what you want to. keep doing it!!! you have to!!! yes, i mean the stuff that's getting like, 2 likes and 0 reblogs! the stuff that 'nobody likes!'

earlier i mentioned i have gotten big follower bumps from like adhd comics and stuff like that going viral. the thing is that, from a professional standpoint: my follower count has like, more than quintupled from where it was at a few years ago; my patreon income has absolutely NOT quintupled lmfao. it has less than doubled, over that same period of like... i wanna say over 4 years. that's still good, i'm grateful for it, and i owe a lot of it to the sheer numbers game (the more ppl see ur work, the more likely it is you'll reach someone who decides to support you), but there is absolutely not an actual direct correlation between numbers and career success/stability.

where there IS a direct correlation is between "people who give a shit about the art i really truly love making" and "people who like my art enough to support me professionally." HUGE chunks of the followers i get any time something goes viral slough off over time; there's nothing wrong with that, they just follow me bc something was funny/interesting and end up realizing my work's not actually their thing. but the ppl who follow me bc they're into all the stuff i post most consistently, the stuff i care about and am passionate about, stick around. and i would not have found them if i wasn't posting the shit i care about!

out there there are people who will be 100% crazy about the stuff that is 100% what you want to make. it's like actually statistically impossible for there not to be. the more niche your thing is, the longer it will take to find them, but they absolutely exist. but if you give up before you find them -- if you start saying, "well, i'll put in 50% of this idea that i love, but the other 50% is too weird and nobody's gonna like it and it'll flop" -- well, in that case, you can only ever find the ppl who are 50% into what you do. don't fuck yourself like that!! you cannot deny yourself the possibility (the INEVITABILITY!!! IMO!!!!!) of finding the people who will 100% get what you're doing.

so: on a pragmatic level, i'm sure there will be ppl who disagree with me on this, and who think it's absolutely mandatory to do fanart as a crowd draw or learn about algorithms and posting times and get on tiktok and do the visibility grind and everything and that it's stupid and irresponsible to tell people not to. i'm sure it's also easy to point out that i'm speaking from a place where i now have more eyes on my stuff than i know what to fucking do with so maybe i'm just totally out of touch and being naive or something. but for me the most important part of doing art now, ESPECIALLY as a career, is to keep loving it and to believe in what i'm doing and to build an audience that cares about the same things i do. and i think it is really really vital to make that your top priority. bc if you don't, then even if you DO crack the code to suddenly getting tons of notes on everything etc -- will you even keep wanting to do it?

this job is hard. it's lonely, in my experience; i spend so much time sitting in front of my computer alone. it's unstable, which is stressful and can be frightening. it's emotionally taxing, for me, because art is so important to me that it's hard to set boundaries and separate my identity from it and actually treat it like a job. it has taken me a long time to find success doing this; maybe i could have gotten there faster if i had tried to find ways to draw an audience specifically, but i think if i had somehow managed to get a big patreon following/tons of commissioners/etc by doing something formulaic or doing stuff that specifically gets tons of attention, but isn't what's natural for me -- i don't think i would have lasted very long that way. this is already hard and complicated enough; i don't think it's sustainable to give up any unnecessary ground on doing exactly what you're passionate about, bc at least in my case, that's mandatory for this even being a livable career for me. i would burn out and decide to do something else very quickly if the only way to succeed was to chase numbers/engagement.

doing it this way is very slow. if i hadn't been able to lean on family/my wife while starting up, i would have had to have a day job for much longer (like, years, probably) while saving up and preparing to go full time; for as long as you struggle to get traction, it may mean going full time has to be on the backburner. but the thing is that there's nothing wrong with that, it's the reality for the vast majority of us (from what i've seen) -- and you'll eventually build a career that can last way longer, i think.

okay oh my god i'm done. sorry about that. like i said this job is pretty lonely and i sit here all day and think about this stuff and then generally do not talk about it with anyone until somebody asks me about it and then i repeat myself at length again. like i did here. anyway have a good night sincerely and i hope some part of this was helpful!!!

[kaiba-fangirl]

Even when YGO was first airing in the US, once I got internet like a year into it, I remember "Puppyshipping" being THE most popular ship. Certainly was at least one of the biggest.

The discourse was about whether it was abusive, but it was all incoherent nonsense on both sides, with varying degrees of seriousness. I might've posted 1 time on the kaiba corporation forum my own opinion: in-world, yes abusive. in-fics, usually abusive. does this mean ppl shouldn't do it? nah, whatever. I understand why the dynamic interests people. Ship and let ship. Not my ship, though. Could never be.

...cuz...

See, my brother & I -unused to anime aside from Pokemon- thought we should root for only Main Character TM, but soon after jumped on our faves. Mai & Kaiba for me. He stuck with Yugi more to annoy me, & Joey as the blonde underdog in green (like himself; & this smelly green soccer jersey he never changed or washed cuz it was his "Joey shirt" 🤮).

So for me, it personally always felt skeevy to ship my faves with my brother's faves.

I started getting over it once Joey became obsessed with Mai in Waking the Dragons, but the little-brother-protector thing id with Kaiba was still stronger. Plus my brother spent the season annoyed with Joey's pining & hating Mai for her betrayal, so that helped disconnect them there.

I didn't really get into it the slightest bit til I came to tumblr, & I was part of the convo to rename it "violetshipping" to address the unwelcome default feeling of an abuse undertone & instead focusing on their complementary parallels & contrasts (which we all casually agreed was ok, canon, ic, but shouldn't be assumed within the very ship name), around the same time my relationship with my brother began deteriorating. So even though I got him into one last hurrah with DSOD, he's basically been lost to the right.

Tumblr's format also makes it a lot easier to stumble upon lots of things that just go by on your dash. I don't even remember seeing any puppyshipping fanart in the old forums & webrings of geocities & DeviantArt & AOL image searches, cuz I never searched for it. Read a couple fics trying to give it a chance, but they always ended up grossing me out with characterizations alone.

.

But ya know what I never did? Never actually called it incest, even though that's what it felt like to me in my own unique experience. & I never said *anything* to people online who shipped it. I did talk about it with friends in school, where you would've seen my full body language reaction for "I don't wanna be rude - I'm just reeeally not into it - cuz my brother - so I don't wanna talk about it." Which was perfectly fine & accepted!

Who *did* I ship Kaiba with? Well, most in-character? No one. As in he would actively choose no one. As sexy as he was, I didn't see him being interested in pursuing any kind of relationship or sex. (It would take another several years before I ever saw the term "asexual," to which my first reaction was, Oh! Like Kaiba!

I've used the joke of shipping him with money.

But once I found Silentshipping, I was hooked. They had interacted ONCE when Serenity yelled at him, & he was just like "Uhh..." where if it were a Disney movie, that'd be where he fell in love but hadn't realized it yet. Then they NEVER interacted again. Serenity hardly had much of a personality beyond "nice." It was a perfect blank slate to make anything up! & she was perfectly generic for girls to project onto, without fear of being called a self-insert or Mary Sue -the biggest worries of the time.

But I also loved how it connected Joey & Kaiba as, usually, either eventually or at least effectively, brothers-in-law, still pitted against each other. To me, it was sooo much better than actually putting them together.

.

It is sooo easy to not call everything "incest" that merely feels like brothers to you. It is sooo easy to not harass others for what they create, especially when they purposely help keep away anything you may not wanna see.

[pomodoko]

today in my saga of, “a hoard of terminally online ppl decided to use my niki animatic as their stage for performative activism”

read more for rant:

here are some fun points i’d like to make, besides telling people not to go around harassing artists who had zero context of what was going on:

assuming that content creators, especially those in the mcyt community, are all 50 year old white men is not only ageist, but racist and sexist as well! how come a person over the age of 25 is instantly seen as predatory or racist? should all adults immediately destroy all evidence of them enjoying video games and other “childish” hobbies? darn dude, you got daddy issues

AGEISM ASIDE, the most racist experiences i’ve had in the dsmp fandom alone was done by the fans themselves, not really the CC’s. Sure, some CC’s are more controversial than others, but the thing is the fandom would be at their throat at a moment’s notice, and just yelling at random artists that they’re supposedly “supporting racist, sexist, islamophobic, etc... creators” just because you heard of passing rumors, or you’ve never really experience the fandom as a whole... that’s just awful. I really hope they can get over this sort of extremist thinking.

the animatic in particular is about niki nihachu, whom i made the animatic in dedication of her character’s story arc and the cc herself whom has spoken against sexism and misogyny within the streaming community and even the mcyt community itself! none of these people have even seen the animatic and automatically assume i was catering towards the men in the fandom??? for some reason???

I think it's important that anyone can and should enjoy Mitski and relate it to their own struggles in life, not just focusing completely on the single meaning of the song. Every piece of media can and should be interpreted besides its original meaning, because that’s what art is meant to do. You consume the content and learn from the creator, but you should also be able to form your own perspective based on your life experiences. You’re doing artists a great disservice to frame them inside a singular label.

if i made a piece of art with a mitski song depicting a different sort of struggle than what mitski wrote it to be, it's still me being respectful and sending my love and dedication to her and her works, but it's also me creating what's important to me as well

anyway please don’t??? gatekeep creators? this is the sort of bullshit line of thinking where everybody assume that Mitski is going to be your Angsty Comfort Queen or Hozier your Irish Bog King like?? don’t do that? don’t romanticize the artists and get snooty when other people enjoy them differently??? like I get that it’s important to criticize people when they make stuff like Strawberry Cow or whatever, but if someone is expressing their feelings proper to a song, isn’t that good?

[pestopascal]

While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.

[potatopossums]

Insecurity and Boundaries: A Necessary Coexistence

Content Warning:

This post includes discussions / mentions of:

bodily insecurities, explicitly including dysmorphia, dysphoria, and implicitly including but not limited to eating disorders, weight

childhood trauma including shame, humiliation, fear

coping mechanisms, both healthy and unhealthy, including anxious avoidance, projection, masking, reflection

mentioned references to all of the above through lenses of morality, cis white feminism and sexualized body positivity

adhd

—

Author's Note:

Written through the lens of adhd, anxiety, depression, queerness, transness, nonbinaryness, aromanticism, alterous attraction, and as always, questioning.

—

Ngl I've had the opportunity to date/"be with" (in whatever capacity) several quite attractive ppl, and the last couple have been great examples of something that actually kind of triggers me / turns me off.

I didn't really know what to make of it then, and I felt bad about it then too because I thought I was just being judgy. Not saying some of that isn't potentially still there, but i think i understand better now.

It honestly kind of scares me when I have the opportunity to have close relationships with people with bodily dysphoria/dysmorphia or strong insecurities. My brain has a really bad habit of being reflective when I'm feeling vulnerable. I just match people. It's a way of masking while relating to people. It's a defense mechanism. But it feels quite real in the moment and i often don't realize it's happening until it has already happened.

But as a nonbinary person who gets misgendered a lot at work, I've spent a lot of time now very acutely aware of my own body (as if i wasn't already). I don't tend to hate my body in a vacuum. I actually enjoy my body. I like how it looks in certain clothes; I like how I can trick the eye and make it look another way with other clothes, and then surprise, it's a different body underneath! I like how my body feels when i masturbate, i like how my body feels in the warm sun, i like how my body feels when i self-soothe. Even when I'm in pain, in some of those moment, i like that my body exists because I know something is happening inside me, something systematic and programmed, something beyond me that does it's evolutionary purpose, no matter how flawed. I've always had a curiosity about bodies in general (gender and sex completely aside). So when i say i love my body, i mean that.

Does it mean i don't struggle with dysphoria? Of course i struggle. And it makes me feel like shit.

Sure, I've got that Cis White Feminist Self-Loathing Intervention Voice in my head that says "all bodies are beautiful" (and she really means all women are beautiful but I'll co-opt her lines to fit my agenda). That voice is problematic because like. I like being beautiful, but why do I want to be beautiful, and what happens when I'm not beautiful? How do I guage whether I'm beautiful at any given moment? Isn't that largely subjective even with an overarching cultural & social standard? When I feel "ugly" — my cowlicks sticking up, teeth unbrushed, i feel too short, i feel i look too childish, I'm afraid my boobs are showing in a way i don't want to be seen, etc. — who's to say that someone else doesn't find some of those things attractive? So attractiveness is a poor method of confidence, despite how influential it still is on my brain and personality. That influence is fear based.

All that in mind, when I hear other people struggling with their bodies, especially in a Trans/Non-Binary/Dysphoric way, it really scares me. I mean, any bodily struggles scare me because I have my own insecurities to deal with. And when I'm in that state of really wanting to keep a connection because abandonment trauma + adhd, my vulnerable brain says that in order to impress someone, I must reflect relatably. So that has me digging back into my bodily insecurities. And I explore them as if I should be feeling them.

Let me unpack that. I'm avoidant with my anxieties. I don't talk about them, and I don't think about them much if I can help it, because when I think about them, that result can be largely painful, dramatic, and too emotionally volatile for me to handle. I always want to look put together, I want to feel secure enough to not need to ask for help, because those few times it went badly when I asked for help still stick with me (regardless of how long ago those moments were, and regardless of how many good times I've had where received actual help since). I remember the embarrassment and humiliation, the shame, the fear, the guilt. I remember wanting to make myself smaller, and how crushing that felt to do. I remember how little I understood of these wild and complex emotions, and all I knew was that I felt violated and disgusting. And I turned that inward. Because I had no external support.

So me saying that I explore my anxieties "as if I should be feeling them" is multi-pronged. It's Cis White Feminist Body Positivity, it's all those family members who modeled and normalized self-hatred for me from a young age, it's bodily dysphoria/dysmorphia at being misgendered, it's me trying to convince myself that my body truly is okay and that my negative inner voice doesn't know what it's talking about due to it's poor influences, and it's me ultimately not being able to reconcile all that on my own (or fast enough, thanks adhd) and resorting to anxious avoidance of my insecurities as if that solves them.

And then, when I hear someone I might kind of want to be intimate with start to talk about their insecurities, my brain panics. It says, "If you go in there, you will lose it. You will fall into the same hole they're in. You will have to suffer just as much for them, and for yourself. You will lose all your energy and you will start to hate yourself. They will treat your body the way they treat their body. You will be made to hate yourself."

And even though I know plenty of people with dysphoria/dysmorphia and other bodily struggles absolutely won't do those sorts of things, I also know that projection is a thing. And considering how poor I am at boundaries and how I tend to adopt unhealthy relationship dynamics due to my avoidance, I know that it would just start a bad cycle for me. Even with all the empathy and understanding in the world, I simply cannot root myself in a situation that would cause me to loathe myself.

And again, in case this wasn't clear: this is absolutely not a statement about people with bodily confidence issues as a whole. I am not trying to villainize or demonize or moralize their experiences. That is markedly the opposite of what I intend here.

But it took a long time for me to get to this point in my self-awareness. And i wanted to share it because i want other people to be able to reach an understanding of themselves too, whatever that understanding might entail. Yeah, it's a little cliche, but our projections and fears about others can have a lot to do with our fears about ourselves. It's important to be self-aware, even if that doesn't immediately solve the problem(s).

I tend to really like confident people because of this. That attraction has it's own roots in confidence issues, and its own potential flaws. And until I can change my own avoidant anxiety, I'm going to find new ways to project my avoidance and shame onto others, regardless of whether they are confident or unconfident, dysphoric or not.

But, just because I'm projecting doesn't mean that I'm unworthy of boundaries. Even if my behaviors are unhealthy, even if I do need to work to change those things (and even though I actively want to change those things), it is still healthy for me to know my limits. It's healthy to know what triggers me. It's good for me to realize these things and step back, even if the relationship I'm leaving/not starting is arguably "good." (And that assumption is a whole other topic for another post.)

So, along with whatever other epiphanies you might have received from this read, here's my major takeaway that I want to leave you with:

Your boundaries are okay. Even if they're based in anxiety, even if they're based in unhealthy coping mechanisms, even if you want to change your unhealthy behaviors/mindset. Your boundaries do not need to pass any social justice or morality tests in order to be valid. Your boundaries do not have to "make you grow." Your boundaries are not bad, even if you feel like they keep you from being the best version of yourself.

The only way you can actually grow is if you respect yourself enough to respect and enforce your boundaries. The only way you can feel comfortable and happy and healthy is if you respect your boundaries.

So please do that for yourself. Please respect your boundaries. I know it's very hard, especially for people-pleasers. I know it's hard for you avoidant types. I know it's hard for those of us who mask and reflect.

But please, just a little bit at a time, respect yourself. Even if that means disappointing or hurting others with a "no."

And please, please, please surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and stand up for you. Of all the work I've tried to do alone, nothing compares to the effectiveness and growth I've experienced when I've been around radically affirming people — people who fought for my right to say no; people who defended my boundaries no matter what they entailed; people who stood up for my pronouns at work; people who validated my life experiences, labels, queerness, and questioning. It can be difficult to find people like that in real life, but please stay in the company of people who do that for you. Even if they're online. Stay near people who model self-respect for you. They will help you practice how to treat yourself.

—

[xcziel]

After seeing your tags abt CQL vs MDZS, I wanted to throw my 2c in. MDZS is a 18+ book tagged with bourgeois tragedy. The horror aspects and hypocrisy of the characters is very much part of the point. WWX was *not* a hero. Censorship in China forbids all depictions of moral ambiguity, violence, resurrection/necromancy etc. and CQL is a product of that; relying heavily on the audience also knowing the novel, so it's extremely frustrating to see ppl bag on MXTX for "not knowing" her own characters

Yes, I've seen some posts in reaction to that sort of thing, and I can see that that kind of entitled assumption would be infuriating? And kind of ... bonkers? I guess I don't go in the tags enough because I've never actually seen the posts judging MXTX, just the more reasoned responses on blogs I follow.

I'm not sure if it's just the posts in the generic fandom tags (which I mostly avoid) or if some of these takes are coming from twitter, but my only experience with MXTX criticism is literally just these reaction posts. My preference for CQL is just that, a personal preference, not any literary criticism of the source material or its author.

I've seen many posts from people with deep experience of the novel, the genre, and c-fandom in general explaining why judging source material from another culture by western media standards is inappropriate and often disrespectful, and that MXTX's writing is both indicative of its genre and cultural climate, while also being substantially an intentional deconstruction of expected tropes.

Of course it's frustrating to see people with limited understanding (and seemingly little desire to acquire any) quip away with their "hot takes" and I sympathize. But I'm not sure why I'm being pulled into this - I'm not reblogging or participating in posts that are attacking the original novel or MXTX herself. I don't have any contact with people judging MXTX or MDZS in a negative light. I'm in the tags, in my feelings about people posting on my dash who seem disdainful of fans who prefer CQL because they consider ignorance of information covered in the novel to be some kind of ... scholarly lack? that the newer fans should be eager to rectify immediately, preferably, I can only infer, by reading the novel themselves. So I do have an untagged post where I try to explain why that's not happening for me personally.

All I've been trying to say in the previous tags is that, for myself, CQL is more engaging - as you point out, a lot of things were left out of the TV version for censorship reasons or just adapted for the realities of live action media production. And many of those things also just happened to be things that I personally don't care for or about - leaving out many of Wei Wuxian's darker moments for example, doesn't damage the narrative as far as I'm concerned. And the other aspects that are appealing to me have little to do with the source novel - the actors, the costuming, the sets, the music - these are what drew me personally to CQL, not necessarily the depth of the writing, aside the love story.

And I'm really not looking at it as a _ vs. _ situation? To my mind, it's two different canons and I'm basically advocating treating them as such. It's the opposite of say, Harry Potter, for me: I've never seen even one of the movies, only read the books, so book-canon is where I lived, while still being able to read fanfic that incorporated aspects of both. I'm not preferring CQL only because I dislike the MDZS novel. Without CQL I wouldn't even be aware that there was a novel. And if I had been aware, even in english, that most likely wouldn't have been a novel I would have chosen to read.

Definitely there are aspects of CQL that must have a deeper resonance with an informed and savvy Chinese audience, but I think the surge of international fans makes clear that it does also work as a piece of media without that more intimate knowledge of the source material? It may not be interpreted the same way (obviously) but it's still an enjoyable work and I think people are allowed to be fans of the more superficial view where, indeed, Wei Wuxian is not a "hero" - he's the protagonist of a romance: not specifically good or bad, but necessarily Loved.

In a way it's kind of a Death of the Author thing - I'm not criticizing MDZS, because I will never experience the novel in its raw form, without the interference of a translation process. Just as I cannot make any value judgement of MXTX herself, knowing nothing about her personally, nor enough about her works' place in, and reflection of, the larger culture of Chinese online fandom and entertainment to be able to form a valid opinion. So I accept that my experience of the TV show is basically independent of the original authorial intent. For me and many others, it's just a xianxia show, a very pretty one.

I can only rely on what I've been told by others with more knowledge, and the translations that I've seen, and I'm not fool enough to think that either is sufficient to give me a true grasp of the source work itself. So I find it simpler to rely on the parts that I can judge for myself - the visual elements of the CQL adaptation. I mean, no one seems to be able to come up with a single, holistic english translation for "Jinlintai", nevermind being able to somehow explicate or encompass all of the Chinese cultural and linguistic/literary associations embedded in the written text, or even just the dialogue of the tv show.

I lost my way in here somewhere, but I just wanted to iterate that no reasonable person will ever give credence to some weirdo claim like an author "doesn't understand their own characters" or any other delusional stance hot take fandom twitter mavens are advancing about non-western cultural mores being "abusive" or "regressive" (I have seen twitter bad takes - whoo boy is all I can say there), or whatever else they're saying here on Tumblr that is causing c-fans to feel they need to jump to defend both MDZS' source webnovel and its author.

So ... yeah. I get that the source novel is more sophisticated and transgressive than is represented in the television series, but on a personal level I really do care more about Wang Yibo's microexpressions than I do about debating cultural morality or societal hypocrisy, so I'm definitely gonna stop talking now.

[comicteaparty]

December 3rd-December 9th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from December 3rd, 2018 to December 9th, 2018.  The chat focused on JINGKU by DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on JINGKU by DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)~! (https://globalcomix.com/c/jingku)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until December 9th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Will "Taw" be discovered and revealed to a woman and/or not Shu? What do you think will happen should that come about? Who might be the first to discover it?

QUESTION 4. Do you believe that the Taw clan, especially Mother Mai, will leave the situation as is, or will they intervene to protect "Taw?" Also, do you believe Shu might be discovered wherever he went? If so, what might happen?

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Alrighty! Welcome and thank you to Comic Tea Party for hosting this discussion! I am DA-POW!, the creator of JINGKU, and will be participating as well. Feel free to read through the short excerpt above, if you haven't already! Please remember to be kind and respectful of everyone's thoughts. But please don't hold back if you have any burning questions or passions pertaining to JINGKU that you'd like to share! As a starter, I'll go ahead and answer the first two questions here. O w O

So! What has been my favorite scene in the comic so far? I have a number of favorite scenes, but I would say the moments that I've enjoyed drawing the most is the scene where Lee gives Taw his kukaoki. 8^U!!!

And the scene where Lee saves Taw from falling to her death. Q v Olll

These are my favorite scenes because they turned out the closest to how I envisioned them as I drew. And that is always something very satisfying to know when a creator's life is essentially attempting to chase and capture their vision for other's to see. Now who is my favorite character? I have to say, I like each character for different reasons. ; v ; BUT!!! I will share who I enjoy drawing the most-- which is Hur. Since Hur is a character who has a bald cut, if I need to adjust him mid-way through--- there's not a lot of editing I have to do to say... Huatai. Who's hair I almost have to always redraw if I should need to change his position and placement on the page.(edited)

But then again, I also must confess Huatai is very dear to me! He is the only character that was alive before JINGKU's world was molded out from my late teenage years-- meaning he was made before JINGKU existed. He's gone through a lot of changes, but I'm glad that he's found a home in JINGKU. He is very important to the Vavoan afterall. XD I would love to hear what other people's thoughts are on their favorite scene and character from the JINGKU cast. I must confess though!!! As far as I know, Lee is officially the most popular character and if you feel that way-- please tell this silly bean why. (And if not, who's the precious bean you've offered up yer likes to, eh? Confess!) ; V ; When I created Lee, I did not put an inkling of effort to insure his place in anyone's heart and now I'm wondering if my lack of effort has backfired on me. XDDD(edited)

RebelVampire

im surprised you find lee's popularity a semi-mystery given your own chosen fave scenes XD lee is my fave but until i answer more questions tomorrow i will be more objective and less subjective about why i think he is probably the most popular in general. and that would be due to 1) of the characters so far his positive traits have probably been the most focused on 2) of the character so far his positive traits are the ones who have had the most impact on the protagonist, Taw 3) of the characters so far, he is the one who continually does nice things without forseeable self motivation, and selflessness is an extremely endearing trait (keep in mind im talking about as he presents himself. maybe he does have selfish reasoning, but its an unknown factor). 4) although he's stoic, his "negative" traits are the least abrasive in their own way due to the fact he gives Taw some more space. whereas the others are somewhat more social aggressive.

so effort aside hes basically been the most positively painted character

to summarize

actually the fact you claim to have not put effort to get ppl to like him makes him even more endearing because it just means hes angel through and through

lee doesnt even need the kukaoki. hes just gonna fly through the sky using his angel wings

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Rebel dropping dem truth bombs on me. XDDDDD But I must clarify (just for my own mental comfort) that I would have loved the scenes I mentioned whether it was Lee saving Taw, Hur, Voo, or simply a monkey. I was just really happy with how they turned out artistically-- more so than the actual fact that it was Lee or even Taw for that matter. ; W ;/ But OMG Rebel... OMG.... shakes head to self What have I done? It seems I played myself and I can't help but laugh at my own silliness.(edited)

"Lee doesn't even need the kukaoki. He's just gonna fly through the sky using his angel wings." - RebelVampire (Quote of the Year)(edited)

shrimpchipsahoy

Answer 1: One of my favorite scenes is from the first chapter, where Taw says she is like the fence protecting her family. It's difficult for me to explain exactly why it's my favorite, but something about it really resonated with me. (It could be because I'm a wife and mother, idk. Lol) Other than that, I have to say, every scene is meticulously drawn and all the characters are perfect in their own way.

Chillin&Livin

1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it? I find the interaction between Hur and Voo to be my favortie scene. The way they jab each other with insults and nicknames is just hilarious. 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor? I am a bit undecided on choosing my favorite character, so I'm going to wait until there is more material for me to examine who I find the most favorable. 3. Will "Taw" be discovered and revealed to a woman and/or not Shu? What do you think will happen should that come about? Who might be the first to discover it? It's quite difficult for me to decide when Taw's secret will finally be discovered, but if that ever happens I think she will be in big trouble. I think the first one to discover Taw's secret will probably be Hur or Voo since they're the ones mostly close to Taw. 4. Do you believe that the Taw clan, especially Mother Mai, will leave the situation as is, or will they intervene to protect "Taw?" Also, do you believe Shu might be discovered wherever he went? If so, what might happen? I think they'll come back to help Taw in the future and I don't think shu will be discovered.(edited)

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Now that @shrimpchipsahoy has mentioned that, I must confess one of my favorite quotes from JINGKU is: "You chose to become a wild animal. And I... For this family... Chose to be the fence."(edited)

But OMG, Shrimp. ;v; Thank you for the kind words~~.

keii4ii

I love that quote too, and not just because it shows her love for her family. There's something poignant about her being a fence ... she's not one of the animals being protected. She is, and is not, part of the family at the same time.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

OMG. O _ O @keii4ii Your wise mind knows no bounds. But yeah!!! Adding on to that, a few readers have talked about the fence being the borderline to what's right and wrong. The pigs being what's right and the wild animal being what's wrong. But as the creator, I didn't intend it that way-- though I won't stop people from discussing it in that sense.(edited)

But it's more so of simply: Protect those inside (and put yourself at risk)? Let others protect you (and put other's at risk)? Or simply protect yourself (and leaves others to their own mechanisms)?(edited)

shrimpchipsahoy

@DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio) I volunteer to be your fence.

Answer 2: I struggled for a long time over picking a favorite character. Just like everyone else, I really like Lee, but all of the characters bring unique qualities to the table that make them special and stand out in their own way. That being said, so far Taw is my number one favorite character. She's very strong and selfless when it comes to protecting the people she loves. I like that her character is flawed and that we get to experience her struggles with her. Also, quick superficial sidenote, but Huatai (and his flawless hair) is a hottie and if we were going solely based on looks that man wins hands down.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

But on the topic of Voo & Hur, one reader of mine did mention that their interaction was "interesting." XDDD Pertaining to what @Chillin&Livin said, I'm happy to hear someone finds the two funny and entertaining! Some of us are probably not aware since they did pop up later to read JINGKU, but the first few drafts of JINGKU posted online actually had Hur's dialogue censored because I was not really sure on the target audience yet. In the end, I ultimately decided that the work would be best left in the hands of older teens and adults instead of children seeing as the topics that JINGKU will discuss would probably be too dark to share with a young audience either way.(edited)

@shrimpchipsahoy BUT OMG SHRIMP!!!!! XDDDDDD(edited)

I've got to agree Huatai's flawless hair is truly something. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Many of my friends have commented about his little twirl, which is essentially the last element that I placed on him before deciding he was ready to take his place in the circle of JINGKU characters.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Who exactly is the new Huatai? Is the fact he has a Green dialect significant in regards to himself or Shu's lover? What do you think he'll do as Huatai?

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

So the fact that we're asking about the Huatai-- it reminded me that a few readers in the past have asked me: what in the world is everyone's actual names? XDDD I have no idea if any of the future questions in this discussion will poke at this, but I do hope to make plans to reveal some of the cast's real name where applicable in the future. Though, I must say that I make no promises. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

AH!!!! But the topic of the Green dialect! Just as a comparison, I would like to mention that the Green dialect is different in say... American English is to British English or Australian English. Which I have mentioned to @- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́- at one point. XDDD Even a standard Northern American dialect compared to a deep Southern American one would be a good comparison. Of course, I must mention that I do lean towards a more British one to represent Huatai just because it would give him a more posh impression. ; v ; Though the thought of a deep Southern American one seems quite awesome too now that I've mentioned it. 8^L Example: Do you have a flashlight? (American English) Do you have a torch? (British English) Don't forget the fact that there is slight difference in stress of certain vowels and consonants in the Green dialect just as American English differs a bit to British English if you still need a comparison.(edited)

If anyone has any questions pertaining to cultural or lingual topics of the Hmong ethnicity, please don't be afraid to ask! O v O/ I will do my best to answer!

RebelVampire

1) I'm torn between two scenes so ill just pick both. the first scene i really like is the one with Taw having to get out of bath thing with Hur and Voo. like majority of the time those scenes happen in secretly a girl stories, its really comedic and shenanigan ridden. and while ill love shenanigans, im not a huge fan of the trope because it always feels really forced and logically inconsistent. so i love that in this story taw got out of it no big deal. boundaries were respected and everyone moved on. so i appreciate that scene just for being different and not focusing on it (at least in that specific moment of context). the second scene i really like is the one where lee gives taw his kukaoki and is super patient with taw. it was heartwarming to see the contrast to their arrival cause it shows that rules will be followed and enforced not out of cruelty but because the rules exist and everyone is there for a reason. 2) as i stated Lee be my favorite. i already gave my objective reason why i assume hes the most popular in other spaces. but now my subjective reason. lee hits all the right notes for my favorite guildty pleasure character types. got the grumpy stoicism, the dedication and focus, the immense loyalty, all packed on top of a heart of gold. Lee is just the angel no one deserves. 3) I totally think Taw is gonna get found out. I mean theyre with the Huatai for life. So unless Taw dies a very early death, she's kind of doom. Something is gonna happen eventually that exposes the secret. I'm assuming it's gonna be Lee or Huatai. cause i dont feel Hur or Voo would be understanding enough. Or maybe it's gonna be someone we havent met yet. Maybe that pretty lady who greeted them when they arrived.

4) I think this largely depends on what they know. Like did Taw leave them a note that said "Shu ran away and I'm taking his place?" or was there a note that said "I hate you all I'm running away Shu is best and going to the palace like a good boy." Cause while I might of missed it, that really determines whether they even know to go looking for Taw in the first place. Even if they did know Taw is taking a risk, i'm not sure they'd do anything cause they do have to think of the whole clan. Actually speaking of this, this is why i actually dont view Taw's whole obsession with being the fence as selfless as a lot of others. Cause her actions to try and be the fence, while good intentioned, still have consequences. If she's discovered maybe her whole clan gets punished, for instance. at the very least, ppl are going to miss her im sure and be hurt by her absence. so her actions are not without their downfalls and selfish nuances. not that this is bad, at all, just saying the fence thing makes me side eye a bit sometimes. as for shu, idk. i dont think hes going to be found out unless he wants to be found out. and maybe hell want to be found out. theres no gurantee his relationship will last and like, where else is he gonna go at that point if thinks all go downhill? probably home, cause that is the usual instinct. 5) i think the green dialect might be specific, but i dont have theories as to why because there is much to be seen about the region. i think hes gonna be the best huatai who does all the great things and shows taw why taw should care about the kingdom. i base this on nothing except the huatai is a hottie and that lee trusts him so i feel compelled to trust him. #ShallowReasoningIntensifies

kongli

My favort scene is when taw finds out about shu and his boyfriend. i was really shocked-- I didn't think that any hmong story would include a gay couple because its something we shouldn't talk about. So it was daring to me.

Out of everyone we've seen so far, i think I'm leaning towards is mua. He seems like someone really sly and i like that-- sort of like gin from Bleach.

I'm going to agree with RebelVampire. Taw's going to get found out. i don't think she thought this through. I think she should have told mother mai what happened, and then decide on how to approch the problem.

about Shu though. I think he''s an idiot! I don't care much about who he was with, but how could he betray his family? I actually thought shu was okay at first, but then after he did that to taw I was like no.

i binged through Jingku and I was on a rollercoaster. For every scene that shcoked me, I was upset and also excited.

I just wish shu was more sly then this wouldn't have happened.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

OMG, @RebelVampire . XDDDD Huatai's a hottie and Lee trusts him. That's legit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)b AH!!! But I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the scene with Voo and Taw, although I sort of forgot about it in the midst of all the other plot devices I'm juggling. 9v9lll Ah... But I do understand the undercover girl bath scene trope that you speak of. XDDD I do my best to make characters true to their backstory, so every character's reaction to whatever pops up in JINGKU should reflect on them as a person. ; V ; Maybe someday when we get further enough, I'll do little extra installments outside of the canon plot with plot along the lines of the beach episode, the valentines episode, so on and so forth for giggles. (Makes fanfic and fan-comics of my own creations. =v=b) No promises though~~.(edited)

Lee is just the angel no one deserves. GEH. wipes a glittery tear ; W ;

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

For all the feelings that I didn't invest into Lee... Now thinking it over, I'm sort of happy that the readers feel for him. Although as I mentioned, I never intended for this to happen. I guess it's like Bob Ross says... There's no mistake. Just a happy accident. Y v Y

On the topic of Taw though, I will admit-- as a human being and as myself (my background and circumstances)-- I would have never done what Taw did. OvOlll I don't think I'm that... gutsy? Willing to risk so much or gamble with such high stakes? Essentially, in the terms of the pig, fence, wild animal analogy-- I would be the pig. I probably wouldn't be very promising as a character. But as I always say, I think I would make great bacon. =v=b

BUT OMG. XDDD The lack of faith in Shu from my readers is immense! I can only hope that whatever happens, it will be for the better of everyone's life. OvOlll

It's always great to hear that I put readers through a roller coaster of emotions @kongli !!! ; V ; I can only hope you'll continue to stay on the ride till the end!

In all honesty though, I'm surprised to hear that you've already sort of grown attached to Mua (just because he's just barely appeared.) OAO!!! Everyone in the Vavoan are sort of an oddball, so I'm glad they all shine through with their own respective traits.(edited)

kongli

Yeah. i'm going to stick around. (;

I don't really care for lee because he hurt Taw. i don't like the guys that are always talking and don't listen to the girl.

Lee is always assuming everything like he knows it all and it just turns me off. Why dont he think to ask?

But yeah, he is the member thats like doing everything so i understand why people like him.

I also think that because lee is so truthful about everything like from what we know so far like vampire said, he is going to be taken of advantage of easily. taw is kind of different. Like she;s not really a good person, but not really a bad person to the country. From chaptor seven, i think Taw might be the one to do that. I wish the creator told us what taw was thinking though so we know for sure though.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

We'll definitely be learning more about the conclusion Taw came upon from the seventh chapter as we move along the plot for sure, @kongli! I won't simply leave ya'll hanging and say that's all I have to say about her plan so fear not. Ov<b

shrimpchipsahoy

@kongli I like that scene too because I think it gives Taw a chance to shine. We get to see how much she loves her family and is willing to sacrifice for them in action, not just thoughts or words.

kongli

Can't wait for that moment then! (;

i agree with shrimpchip. Taw seems like a person of action not just all talk. i like that she seems to be pretty careful like she thinks about what the other vavoan people say and then decide on what to do instead of just doing whatever.

Chillin&Livin

For me personally, I think there are a lot of actions Lee commits that is questionable, for example, his initiative to take authority over everyone else in the vavoan. According to Hur in chapter 2 the vavoan are supposed to act as merely puppets who serve the Huatai. if a vavoan member were to create a problem then shouldn't it be in the Huatai's place to solve it, not Lee? And I keep wondering, why does Voo consider Lee's assault on Taw a nice thing? Even Taw wonders the same thing. If what Lee did was nice, what's the norm? I seriously want to know. Voo mentions how close Lee and the Huatai are in chapter 3. This is probably a bit out there, but it just occured to me... what if Lee is a bad guy and plans to over throw the Huatai and to do that he decides to create a close relationship with the Huatai to learn more about the Huatai's plan. And that sole reason is why Lee made Taw his target when Lee meets Taw and later forces Taw to join his schemes to kill the Huatai.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

OMG. XDDDDD The theory of Lee turning out to be a bad guy-- now that's really something isn't it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Though I must say, I think that if it benefited Taw in the long run in order to get back to her family, she would probably take it. Just saying... O3O~~ whistles

shrimpchipsahoy

@Chillin&Livin Interesting points but I feel like, and I'm not the creator so I could totally be wrong lmao, people are misreading the situation with Lee. When I read through it the first time, I just assumed there was a hierarchy to the Vavoan. Obviously Huatai is head bitch in charge but when he's not around, who keeps everyone in line? It's Lee. The fact is, most people can't be trusted to do things independently (I feel bad saying this but it's proven to be true) without leadership or guidance. The other characters have a certain closeness between them, but Lee seems to stand out in a way that makes him feel unreachable despite his moments of kindness.

@DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio) I'd be really happy for Taw if she could find a way home without any repercussions before she is forced to do something she may regret.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

I hope the same thing as well, @shrimpchipsahoy~~. ; V ; We can only hope!

kongli

it'd be cool if Lee was a villain, but i don't think it will happen unless the creator pools a 180 on us. if it did happen, I wouldn't be surprised thuogh. Its sort of like a trope where this character is like all cool and good to a group, like lee is to the country but then later they're like just kidding. That's when shit hits the fan. i'm sure all the Lee fans would be heartbroken for real if it did happen though.

But what shrimpchips said, about heirarchy. i don't really think theres an official like level for everyone. I feel like it really is supposed to be the huatai and then theres the vavoan like chillin said. lee is just the kind of person that will do things before anyone asks him to because he feels like it.

I think that if there was someone that had something to offer to taw though and taw feels like its a good deal that she would take it. like I said I don't think Taw would just sit around waiting for something to work out for her situation.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. What do you think the Huatai and Lee's relationship actually is? Do they have past history, or is something else going on? Why is Lee so dedicated to the Huatai?

- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́-

1. My favourite is when Taw is mad about the their big brother Shu taking a whole day to catch the chicken. Because as a reader that was my reaction too. 2. Hur's rough behavior made me like them instantly. I am always a sucker for rough characters with golden hearts. The interaction with Taw was much like a tsundere HHHH You look like this rice ball. HERE EAT THIS BECAUSE YOU MISSED DINNER. HHHHH 3. I'm very much hoping that Taw's secret will go to their grave. I know thats light thinking but I'm really not wanting to see the reveal, what is the punishment?! Who will try to protect Taw?!? Will Taw become valuable enough to keep in the Vavoan? HHHHH 4. I don't really think Mother Mai will do much of the situation, as I think they would just assume that Taw disappeared and Shu went on their way. If Shu's discovered first that is a different story. I hope Taw gets the best life. ;w; 5. Maybe the Huatai is a replacement to the Huatai. MAYBE ITS AN INCEPTION OF AN INCEPTION. That is why Lee is so much favoured, because Lee was probably close to the Huatai before they were even going to be the Huatai. HHHHH I'm a fake Huatai playing the pretend for the real Huatai, so now I have to actually be the Huatai because the real Huatai went MIA. HELP ME OUT LEE. 6. I think their relationship is that of a newly born chick and a mother hen. Have you seen how many times the Huatai screams out Lee's name? (edited)

RebelVampire

@kongli @shrimpchipsahoy @Chillin&Livin i agree with shrimpchips on the matter of hierarchy. because when theres anything involving large, large groups, theres always a structure of hierarchy. keep in mind also that the huatai is in charge of the whole kingdom basically. so its not just the vavoan under him. theres probably a ton of other branches and people. so while yes, the huatai might be the ultimate leader, that doest mean there arent also ppl in charge directly under him to keep order in various other matters of the kingdom. its kind of like how in an army you have a general at the top but then various other ranks under them who control various army squads and such. those other ranks obviously follow the generals orders, but at the same time they make sure those under them also get those orders fulfilled. now this being said, i do think its debateable on whether lee's position as this secondary leader is official or not. but even if it wasnt official this would be the natural result. someone always has to take charge, because otherwise theres just anarchy. youd wind up with even worse situations then what happened on the bridge cliff thing. instead of just taw falling off the cliff itd probably be like half of the vavoan because thered be no one ordering people around keeping things organized. and as was also pointed out, the huatai cant be there in every situation. so if theres no one in charge, even unofficially, theres going to be problems and will probably lead to the huatai getting offed pretty quickly.

that being said, if lee winds up a villain im okay with this. i will support lee to the end, even if the end is some sort of train derailment into the abyss

6) im getting kind of a sibling relationship? not that i do think theyre siblings, but it kind of feels like lee is the older brother and the huatai is his lazy younger brother who just moved out of home for the first time. i definitely think theres past history here that were going to find out tho. they seem way too super close for them to have just met. as for the dedication, i assume its either that Lee knows something we dont about the Huatai's plans or that Lee is a strong believer in duty. something like that

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́- OMG. XDDDD The day Huatai calls someone else's name will probably break Lee's heart. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) @RebelVampire Lee is the older brother and Huatai is his lazy younger brother who just moved out of home for the first time RIP Huatai. XDDDD

kongli

I think lee and Huatai are not sibling because they dont look the same. maybe friends or lovers? or maybe lee owes the huatai something like the Huatai did something for him.

it's kind of like, they might have backstory together.

Just wondering but are you all from webtoon too? i didn't know that the creator put jingku on another site.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@kongli I think the majority came from webtoons though I wouldn't know the exact details of how everyone got invested enough to stay. Surely it was my unrelenting charisma and charm? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) get's killed Though, Rebel was probably obligated to read since they had to prepare questions for this discussion. Whether that was webtoons or globalcomix though, I've no idea. XD But in all seriousness, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on anything you guys! OvOlll(edited)

kongli

I came from webtoon and i stayed because i liked the story and characters. im so tired of always having to read character that dont do anything or like don't have a goal. Its like where in the hell are we going? and Taw is a bit different from the girls i always read. She;s kind of like not a good person who always try to save people that she don't know but she's not bad because shes just tyring to survive.

i also stayed because i liked the art. I really like the pictures you put at the beginning of the chapters.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

GEH. ; W ; Much thankies @kongli!!! <333 I probably should do more color works, but I've been sticking with the black and white plus red illustrations since it rings true to the JingKu aesthetic. OvOb And I've grown very attached to it so look forward to more illustrations with the same style!

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Holy heavens-- now that Kong mentioned about webtoon and globalcomix, if any of us have only read the pages on globalcomix, please jump over to webtoons so that you can read up to the latest page. 9v9lll We should be in the midst of the seventh chapter!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Do you think there is any reason Lee is so nice to "Taw?" Is Lee just a nice guy or is there something else? Will Lee continue to help "Taw," or will Lee give up since "Taw" is years behind everyone else?

RebelVampire

@DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio) I read the globalcomix version but I did switch over to webtoons for the last bit. cause i suspected there might be more pages and then lo and behold i was correct. XD

7) I think theres two things going on. first off, i think lee is just genuinely a nice dude. gruff and a stickler for rules, but nice. however, i also think pragmatically speaking its in lee's best interest to make sure taw is up to snuff. because if taw isnt up to snuff, welp, good-bye huatai. so in essence lee's actions may be less nice and more driven by the pragmatic need to have taw not suck at the job. i dont think Lee is gonna give up, but i have a high suspicion it might lead lee to learn that taw is not the taw that was supposed to be sent. or at least theres going to be many lectures. but again, pragmatically not a good idea to leave taw as is. unless theres like...paper pushers in the vavoan. taw can get that nice, comfy desk job in that case.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

AH! Good to hearz! OvQb @RebelVampire But OMG. XDDD Taw getting that desk job would be the dream~.

shrimpchipsahoy

@ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Not to mention the GIVEAWAYS you do on webtoons! hellbent on winning

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@shrimpchipsahoy Webtoons probably the only place I do constant giveaways. >v</ But in all honesty, I'm always at lost when the names drawn don't claim their prizes. Q v O Y u no want prize, commenter friendo? SOBS That's why I started putting the 7 day time limit on the giveaways. RIP winners that disappear into the void.

shrimpchipsahoy

Answer 3: I think it's inevitable that the truth about Taw will be revealed to some extent. cries I can't imagine it would be easy for a woman to hide her identity long term, especially in consideration of baths/toilet time/that time of the month. I've been thinking a lot about who may be the first to discover it, but there are so many variables involved that I can't pin it down. Although I hope whoever discovers her secret helps her escape or fake her death or something (so she can escape without repercussions), I don't think the odds are in our favor. Lol

@ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ i want their prizes changes nickname on webtoons ٩(๑òωó๑)۶

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. Do you believe that Taw will learn to use Kukaoki? What other talents might Taw discover she has? Do you think Taw will find a way home, or will she be stuck serving the Huatai forever?

RebelVampire

(the archive for the chat on super galaxy knights deluxe r is up! @snuffysam https://comicteaparty.com/post/180885573190/november-26th-december-2nd-2018-ctp-archive)

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Speaking of kukaoki! I think I only mentioned this once (like way back when I posted the first draft of JINGKU on webtoons) but when the name kukaoki is broken down, it's defined as: ku = pair / kao = wheel / ki = spin. As a side note, the Hmong language is tonal (8/7 tones or so), meaning these definitions are conditional depending on the tone used when speaking the word. Kind of like how one kanji, though pronounced the same, can mean different things depending on how you depict the character. So don't try to share these meanings without that little bit of salt to add in^ There were a number of names I thought to call the weapon, but recalled that I shouldn't use hard to pronounce Hmong words for the sake of readers. 9v9lll I hope that my efforts pulled through. sweats(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Who do you think attacked the Huatai on the way to the temple? Was it a foreign power, or could it be an inside job? What might this mean for the rest of the story?

RebelVampire

8) I think Taw is gonna learn, and I think she's also gonna learn that strength has advantage too, what with all the farm work. In all honesty, I don't think Taw is gonna go home. I think the inevitable path for Taw is to learn that there is more than one way to be a fence. so instead of just protecting her little family unit shell learn that by protecting the kingdom she also protects her family. or something like that. 9) It was Lee. /shot In all seriousness, I assume it was a foreign power. I don't get the sense that the kingdom is in the most secure of places, and I think it's a sign that these are troubled times that are gonna involved quite a bit of fighting and securing of power.

kongli

Number seven, i don't think lee is going to give up. Hes too stubborn. Number eight, i think taw will learn the kukaoki but she wont be good at it because Yah said that you have to start from when your a kid. I dont know how old Taw is but i think it would be hard for her like when someone learns ballet kind of late. Taw is probably going to try to find a way home but get stuck being with the vavoan for the rest of her lief. i think its going to be like she thought she wanted to go home but after staying with the the vavoan for so long she decides to stay because she likes it there.

for number nine, i think it might be a foreign power like vampire said. I went back to look at the part where they are atacked and i just realized that if huatai didn't get sick he would have been dead because Lee wouldnt' have came to move him from the carriage.

I think that someone in the country betray the country and if they did betray the country they might be working with foreign power.

okay, so i just thought about this but the huatai is supposed to be green right? why is he wearing a girl's shirt? a green shirt would be like the one shu's boyfriend wears or did the creator mess up?

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

O v O!!!! UH....

Okay, so I will confirm that Huatai is indeed wearing a girl's shirt. And I will also confirm that it is NOT a mistake. But that's all I can say about that. 9v9llll @kongli(edited)

And for those who are wondering about Hmong clothes... Essentially, there's a number of designs (its fashion afterall ;v;) but the main thing you should always be aware of is that a girl's shirt typically features an extended collar on the back. Hmong male clothes do not (and should not) have this feature.(edited)

As exemplified below, Taw has an extended collar on the back:(edited)

shrimpchipsahoy

O.O Maybe Huatai is secretly a woman. That would be awesome because s/he could be Taw's greatest ally! Other idea is maybe Huatai wears girls clothes to honor someone they lost (like Nuriko from Fushigi Yuugi, who is actually a man but poses as a woman to honor his late sister.)

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@shrimpchipsahoy OMG!!! I didn't know that about Nuriko! I never got the chance to finish the series, but I always wondered why he wore girl's clothes. My child brain just thought that it was just out of preference and mentally muted the question. XD

On the topic of Huatai though, we'll definitely be learning more about him as a character in future chapters. O v O Pwease look forward to it ya'll~~~.

shrimpchipsahoy

@ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Eek! Sorry about the spoilers.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Tis all good, Shrimp~~. XDDDD patpat

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

kongli

i'm looking forward to when taw sees Shu again and kicks him in the butt. I really hope that the creator doesnt stop making jingku because theres like no hmong manga at all with a interesting story that has a lot of stuff in it.

and it was cool getting to talk to you guys about the story. Thank you for inviting me.

(;

keii4ii

Growing up, my family moved around a lot, and I found myself as a transfer student often as a result. (e.g. 1st grade year, I went to 3 different schools) I was also a sickly child and missed school a lot. That combination meant I was often clueless in the class: the material they were covering at a new school was sometimes a little ahead. Or more commonly, I miss 2 days of class and everyone else in the classroom was 2 days ahead of me. Teachers made zero effort to help me catch up. It was all up to me. What I'm trying to say is, I can really relate to Taw being thrown into a situation that she'd never been prepared for, unlike everyone else surrounding her. I'm looking forward to how she deals with all of that. I also hope she can catch a break sometime!

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

So there are a number of things I'm looking forward to for JINGKU and most of them revolves around revealing plot points. XDDD But depending on how the story of JINGKU goes, I'm kind of looking forward to drawing Taw with longer hair in the story. Q v O GEH. Probably just wishful thinking, but hopefully the opportunity reveals itself at some point. (Worry not. If Taw's hair grows, then the men's hair will grow as well. 8^U!!! Gotta trim dem heads!) On another note, I am very grateful to everyone that has taken the time to read the story and drop off their thoughts here in this discussion! ;W; I didn't know how well the week-long discussion would go since the active reader-base is essentially just a handful of people. But seeing how much discussion we did, it's really shocking. O_O!!! Thank you to you awesome peeps and I hope that ya'll will stick around for all the upcoming week discussions as well.(edited)

@kongli Thank you for coming and participating, Kong! ; W ;/ Surely with tangible support from readers, JINGKU will only continue to soar towards completion. But trust me when I say there's a lot of ground I've got to cover, so worry not. OvOlll We're in for a long ride!

@keii4ii If I miss one day of school as a kid, I'm lost for the next month. 9v9lll RIP mah childhood. weeps Ah, but I'm happy to hear that Taw's disconnection is relatable, seeing as its definitely a stressful situation to be in. Taw's always got to be on her toes, that's for sure! Hopefully, things will turn around at some point. ;v;/

- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́-

7. Lee probably had a big family before they left their family to serve the Huatai. Perhaps worrying about others is just innately ingrained into him, as well with the Huatai always comes first. So I believe Lee will help out Taw to become an asset to the Huatai. 8. OF COURSE TAW WILL LEARN TO USE THE KUKAOKI. Taw bby must be the very best that there ever was. Finding a way to get back perhaps will happen if Taw really superemly fails at something which I hope doresn't happen.

9. Well the Huatai's king died recently and it really could be an inside job. The Huatai looks super young. I'm not saying that the Huatai isn't prepared considering the Huatai has a 6 PACK OF A GOD, that means the training they did to learn how to become a Huatai is very evident. The dialect that the Huatai has was probably because of a close tutor who has the same dialect as Shu's lover. Because obviously you are going to pick up the way of speaking of the people you surround yourself around. Judging by the Huatai's behavior shown so far... I don't think the Huatai has many close relations other than Lee. (Because Lee is the ultimate Motehr Hen ) This might mean the Huatai has to lug around the Vavoan around lots of places... considering that they already supposed to be the cream of the crop.

10. I'm looking forward to Taw becoming more badarse. Lee showing more Mother Hen traits.... anDDD FIGHT SCENESE. I am a simple person who loves simple thing so maybe more... ABS. Jingku peaked my interest as I really love the opening. "Fence or Pig?" Taws love of family has a really warped dark side at the same time, and will be showcased more and more as the story progressed. How darker will the pure Taw be tainted in the dark. This isn't a fantasy story so there will be very realistic consequences and much heartbreak in the future. Hopefully I'll get to see some nicely timed comedy from the future.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́- OMG. You use the best emojis, Mitsu. XDDDDDD

Taws love of family has a really warped dark side at the same time, and will be showcased more and more as the story progressed. Such a bootiful conclusion, you've made. Hurhurhur. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

On the topic of genre though, YESH. A [] A JingKu is indeed not a fantasy so as Mitsu has mentioned: there will be very realistic consequences and much heartbreak in the future.

A few peeps that have read the story have spoke about JINGKU as if its a fantasy story with tributes to the Hmong ethnicity. JINGKU is a HISTORICAL FICTION/DRAMA. O v Olll(edited)

I'm also hoping we'll get more action scenes because-- boy oh boy, though mah art skillz suffer, I really do love action. GEH. ; v ; (No promises though.) Thank you so much for dropping off yer final thoughts, Mitsu. You're probably one of the few that has been here since near the first draft of JINGKU. XDDD And I'm always grateful that you've stuck around for that long, you awesome bean~~! Mitsu is truly a JINGKU veteran! ; W ;(edited)

RebelVampire

10) I'm looking forward to Lee being Lee some more. But more seriously, I don't really have any specific looking forward to desires. I'm more just interested to see where everything goes in general. This comic has already thrown some curveballs to where I expected it to go, so I don't want to overthink it and stop being surprised.

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

I'm looking forward to Lee being Lee some more. OMG. XDDDD GEH. ;W; But I'm happy that JINGKU has been able to give you some curveballs~~. Whatever's in store for JINGKU, hopefully its' future will not be cut short! @RebelVampire AH!!! OAO!!! But OMG. I'm really surprised that you've taken the story so well, Rebel! I seriously thought that you might just eye JINGKU over for the sake of discussion and simply mod from afar. Thank you for giving your insight and I'm happy to hear you'll continue to root for Lee!(edited)

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

@- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́- OMG!!! I don't know how, but my eyes did not catch your answers for the first few questions!!! OAO Probably because everyone is giving such detailed answers, but GEH. GEH. GEH. I laughed so hard at your comment about Hur being a tsundere. MUAHAHAAHA. XDDDDD Pwease cherish that bald babeh!(edited)

Ah... I do have to confess, Shu's excuse on catching a chicken was ridiculous in its own right. But the reality is, my own parents have stories of how animals would sometimes escape or go missing and peeps were forced to search the surrounding mountains for their livestock. RIP peeps chasing after their cows and pigs. Y v Y

DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio)

Okay, so I've no idea if anyone else is going to leave any more comments before 3 am (12 am on PST time) so I'm going to go ahead and toss this here. O W Q @RebelVampire @shrimpchipsahoy @- ̗̀ Mitsu ৫ ̖́- @Chillin&Livin @kongli @keii4ii THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT PARTICIPATED IN THIS JINGKU DISCUSSION!!!!! YA'LL ARE AWESOME BEANS AND HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO STICK WITH THE STORY NO MATTER HOW CRAZY IT GETS! YOSH! (edited)

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about JINGKU this week! Please also give a special thank you to DA-POW! (Yayao Yuying Studio) for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked JINGKU, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://globalcomix.com/c/jingku

DA-POW!’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/YayaoYuyingSTU?lang=en