#as u online because irl u are faced with no one being anything like u.

[fefairys]

definitely something to be said about the privilege of having queer community in real life. cause not everywhere has places where u can go and easily/safely meet other queer people... so there are a lot of people online who are in echo chambers bc they only surround themselves with people like them and they dont really know any queer ppl irl (through no fault of their own) and so they end up only knowing about perspectives of themself and people who agree with them on everything.

in real life queer communities youre not going to agree with everyone on everything, but thats a good thing. we're all from different backgrounds and have different experiences, different upbringings, etc. online if you disagree with someone you can just unfollow them, but if you're in a community irl and you disagree with someone you cant just kick them out of their damn community. you have to listen to each others perspectives and find common ground. and sometimes agree to disagree on certain things. i feel very lucky to be able to be exposed to so many different queer experiences through my irl queer friends that i wouldn't have if my only exposure to the queer community was the people i choose to surround myself with online.

[notyouraryang0dd3ss]

hi, indian anon here ( I think I used the ⏳️) ig you can say I'm an ex swiftie, but in the sense that I was never exposed to western music until evermore and I listened to it and loved it. I never engaged with the fandom or anything, and didn't even know all these things taylor did, and I thought taylor was a decent person because of the documentary. This was until ofc, the matty healy incident which opened my eyes to her behavior, but idky I felt like I couldn't openly dislike her. Everyone in my school was obsessed with her and if you're a girl, and you hated her, or even disliked her, you were a pick me, and I didn't wanna get hated on more by my classmates (long story there). The last straw for me was prolly when 1989 tv was released (after the mh incident I just called myself a swiftie cuz I liked her earlier work) and I had joined an online swiftie group chat, and the people there were so vile and hateful. I remember saying it's wrong hating on harry styles for cheating on her cuz she did the same, or that Joe alwyn is just a regular dude, and so are all her other exes, except prolly matty and the John Mayor guy for dating a 19 y/o (SHE ALSO DATED MINORS THO??? no one talked about this shit) and I mentioned that she's not god and that she has done bad things, and the gc, which had 50 active members everyday, collectively not only hated on me, but also these people had access to my private insta acc. My face, my friends, my address, they knew it all. It was so scary, and while I have been in plenty of toxic fandoms before (my first death threats were by the hp fandom, which I've left long back), I actually felt threatened. It actually felt like a cult, and it was scary until my insta acc got shut down (idky), and the ppl couldn't find me anymore. The swiftie fandom is weird at best, and potential criminals at worst, because wtf. They don't have any sort of individual thinking, and if someone does, they will find a way to shut it down. Even now, when I interact with a swiftie and taylor Swift comes up, and I say I don't like her, their behavior is just like the ones online. Ik ppl get more confidence to do bad things online cuz of anonymity, but swifties are the same irl, too. They completely believe it is okay to treat ppl terribly, harass and spread disgusting rumors and even doxx a Palestinian woman and give her details to Isreali organization. Like that actually happened. I regret that I didn't leave the fandom sooner because I can't believe I was associated with something like this. Ik celebrities make mistakes, and that fandoms always have one toxic portion, but this is too much.

Sorry for the long rant tho 😅

- ⏳️

sorry it took me a while to respond, there is SO MUCH HAPPENING in this ask. like 3 diff asks rolled into one omfg

1. peer pressured into “continuing” to like taylor swift you are a different kind of victim im so sorry you went through that (and all to prevent you from being bullied…im so sorry)

2. THE SWIFTIE GROUPCHAT: that is horrible and TERRIFYING. all you did was practice critical thinking and you feared for your SAFETY. their reactions are not logical nor rational and speak to how dangerous her fanbase is.

if you feel like you cannot call out your fave for their behavior without your safety being threatened, that is not a fanbase, that is a cult. i think we should actually did a venn diagram of swifties and cults we’d have a perfect circle.

3. SWIFTIES IRL: this is so true about how they behave. ive had friends tell me theyre scared of saying they hate taylor IRL cause of the backlash they’d receive. THAT IS NOT NORMAL. even when BTS was at their peak ppl never felt threatened by the ARMY to that point 😭

you NEED to send more info/links/ss about the doxxed palestinian. i need the #SwiftiesforPalestine to see wtf their mutuals are doing. that is ABHORRENT behavior. that poor woman!

thank you sm for this ask, u are truly one of god’s strongest soldiers cause wtf!!!! is wrong!!!! with swifties!!!!!

(p.s. if you are a repeat anon go ahead and sign off your asks with an emoji so i can keep track! thank you!)

[cookieeevee]

Hello Yellow and Welcome People!!

Most people tend to call me Cookie or Cookieeevee because of my blog name, but call me Alice! I use the pronouns She/Her and They/Them (I don't mind which one you use)

I am Aroace and a Minor! ! !

I am into Rain World, OneShot, Pokemon, Warrior Cats, Kirby, Sonic, Pikmin, Ori, Chicory: a colorful tale, Steven universe, MHA, Epic Mickey, and many more

You can ask me anything, I'd love to chat with you all (Ask about ADH au or ask Lily if u want too)

Art requests are always welcomed :D

My designs of the slugcats and Iterators My Rain world OCs My other OCs

Side blogs of mine:

Cookie: @ask-cookieeevee03

Madge: rainworld-starsandclouds023

Droplet (Old, should probably reboot at some point): rainworld-ask-the-medic

SOES: rainworld-lifeisendless230

Slugcat's: rainworld-cycle-of-slugcats

just doodle/art blog: mossy-doodles85

Silly adventurers of my plush's (feel free to send me art in Messages of the sillys if you want, I will post it and credit u, if u want :3)

you can draw for me if ya want

Amazing Friends Of Mine!: @rainworld-obsessed-cat-reborn (One of my first tumblr friends! Probably one of my closes friends here! They are really silly and has great art! I thought I'd never see them again once their main blog got deleted... I'm very glad they're back now. I care for them with the might of a 1000 suns and always wish for the best of them! I'll always have their back, no matter what <3) @stargazer0001 (A great friend, who I really care for! One of the first people I go to talk to about silly ideas and aus of mine. They're art is a joy to see and our silly chats we had before were really fun! Thanks for being there for me <3)

@southparkau00 (MY FIRST TUMBLR FRIEND! They helped me a lot when I was new to Tumblr, lots of love to them! They have been off for so long I thought they left, they didn't and I'm so glad.) @critter2 (Super silly bud that I met because of Star! Their art is amazing and its always a blast to be around them! Sadly they aren't on often so that kinda sucks... ALSO THEY ARE WHOLESOME WHEREVER THEY THINK/KNOW THAT OR NOT!!!!) @lanternlightsovercloudyskies (I've actually never checked if we're friends or not, but see her as one! Cute silly art that a joy to see, and shes super wholesome in my opinion! I always hope for the best for her!) @bananacat76 (My silly great friend! They're super cool and wholesome, all things I wish to be. They've let me add their RW persona, Banana cat, to my RW AU and even let me make Banana Cat Enot's sibling! Lots of hugs to them! A joy see and a gift to be around ^^) @rcranger (THIS SUPER AMAZING AND COOL PERSON IS MY FRIEND!!! Hes made super cute and silly art that is a joy to see and always puts a smile on my face! Cherry has been a super great person and he need MORE LOVE so go check him out and give him some love!!)

@puffstarss (I'm pretty sure we're friends, at least to me she is! Puffs is probably one of the most kind people here! She's a big UT and UTY fan and is the owner of The Undertale Yellow Runaway Route AU! If your a fan of UTY aus and stuff be sure you check out her blog! also I will die for them like all friends of mine)

Random things about me: My favorite colors are mint green and lavender I want to write but am too scared to put it online and I get writers block a lot... I wish people would ask me more things (on any of my blogs)... My IRL friend group and I do a lot of dark humour I draw all the time, in class, at lunch, at home, in the car, and many other places Cream is my favorite Sonic character I my 3rd favorite Sonic character is Chris from Sonic X, FIGHT ME ON IT I have four brothers and no sisters... I have many AUs which I will probably never tell anyone about because I am scared of doing that Rain world brain rot I REALLY want to play SA2 just because of the chao garden Undertale Yellow fan! I'VE DODGED DEATH!!!! If you want to be friends with me, just ask. Cuz I'm probably not gonna ask you that and I'm always happy to have more friends I need help

[slytherinshua]

He's just precious. I definitely need to watch some of his live performances! I love it when artists really get into the music. Yechan is quite fun to watch, he seems to get quite into it. And Wonsang!! I love it when he is making faces while playing bass (generally I'm reacting the same way to his parts ahaha)

People are honestly so tough to deal with sometimes lol. I'd become a recluse if I could ahaha. I was talking about this with my brother once, when I finally have enough money to move out (not anytime soon 😭) I NEED to live with someone else. Partly for safety, but also because if I don't I'll become a hermit and never leave ahaha (also because I despise cooking and there is a very real possibility that I'll just starve instead lol). I'm glad you enjoy talking to me, I do too! (Feel free to message me anytime too!)

That's exciting, I hope it goes well!! Are you working towards grades or anything? Or do you just go along with music that you want to learn? Lessons on zoom seems interesting, online classes were hard enough sometimes so music lessons must have been something else. It is literally so hard to find motivation to practice! Like I want to be better, but I don't want to practice ahaha. Although I use to really have to practice because my mum taught me for a while so she'd definitely know if I didn't 😭

Oh wow you were so close to them!! I'd probably forget to how to pose as well, although I can't really pose in general without it being awkward lol. That's really cute that he was telling you what he was going to do

i remember my favourite hyunsang song (or maybe favourite song of all time in general) is snowflake and i watched the live of it and there's this one part where he looks back at his band/orchestra behind him and just smiles so widely before he goes up onto the lifted platform to do his guitar solo AND IDK IT MADE ME EMO CAUSE I NEVER SEE THAT BIG SMILE FROM HIM HES SO CUTE (here if u wanna see it btw)

yechan is always so mesmerizing to watch he gets SO into the music and playing you just can't take your eyes off of him!! wonsang always has fun with it and dances, smiles so wide, or focuses really hard when hes doing hard parts on the bass i just love him i could talk about him all day

yeah and its pretty bad i don't have like any interaction irl its all online and im kinda thankful for that because its a lot easier to deal with interactions online than in person its a lot less stressful 😭😭 but i never go outside i swear 😭😭 i feel like i would get so lonely if i was living alone even though i don't tend to think of myself as someone who needs in person social interaction... but i think it would build up and hit hard if i no longer had people around me to talk to even a little every day like my family.... hehe i will its so fun to talk to you ^^

rn i do plan to take another music exam probably grade 6 since that'll be the easiest to do. i need it for a high school credit so we'll see how it goes. i've done grade 3 and grade 5 in the past and got first class honors both times i think but it's still extremely stressful i think i cried both times lmao 😭😭 technically im more grade 8 or 9 piano but i don't want to do a higher level when i don't need to and haven't been playing for a year so we'll see how grade 6 stuff goes.... online lessons for piano were interesting for sure 😭😭 it was harder to do stuff like ear training and having the teacher not like exactly there with you made it harder to progress... i also forgot abt my piano lesson times a lot and would oversleep 💀 i really lost motivation to practice around the same time i was getting burned out because of school idk... back in 2020 i was so motivated with piano i would practice so much and that's actually why after i finished my grade 5 exam i progressed like 3 levels right after. i remember getting the grade 6-7 books but all the pieces were so easy in them all of sudden just cause of how much i practiced lol. but now i think i'm gonna struggle a bit to pick things back up before it gets easy again. damn having your mom as your teacher must've been hard but also nice in a way i assume?? i remember my mom used to bribe me with stuff to get me to practice, and one time i wanted to quit and she would not let me which was good cause i would've regretted it so hard but at the time i was not happy that i couldn't quit 😭😭

i remembered a pose for the second pic we took but for the first one my mind was just so blank, party cause i didn't know we were gonna do group photo immediately and also cause sangyeop was RIGHT there talking to ME. like he literally told me to sit i prob would've been fine if he hadn't spoken but like he did so ITS HIS FAULT FR 😭 i wanted to follow the pose he said he was gonna do and i did for the second pic since he said a heart pose but like damn my brain didn't want to understand what a flower pose was....

[rollercoasterwords]

hey! I'm sorry if you've answered this/spoken about this before, and if so please just point me in the direction of your previous answer. but I recently had a trans friend who asked me to stop interacting with the wolfstar/marauders fandom. liking/reblogging posts and reading fanfics within the marauders fandom are the only way I interact with jkr/hp. I would not do anything to directly give her money, but my friend's argument is that every like and interaction with the fandom makes it more influential, which translates to more money. as well as not boycotting hp entirely is a slap in the face to trans people. so, I've stopped reblogging content because I don't want to negatively impact my friend or any other trans people, but I don't personally think I'm doing any harm through engaging with fanart/fanfic.

obviously you're engaged in the fandom, so I'm kinda looking to have my opinion validated... but I think you're very smart and that we share similar values, so I respect your thoughts and any advice you have for this situation. thank you <3

honestly anon if ur looking for like a nicely-wrapped post of "here's why it's okay to interact with harry potter fanfiction" then u have probably come to the wrong place, as this is a topic that i still have conflicted feelings about myself! but. if u want a little essay of my thoughts on the matter then here u go xx

so, first of all - yes, obviously i still interact with hp fandom. however, i'm not going to pretend that i don't understand your friend's point. i get the logic behind the argument that giving any attention to any sort of harry potter media in this day and age helps keep harry potter relevant, which contributes to jkr's influence, which is an influence she actively uses to hurt trans people. i understand why ur trans friend would feel hurt or ask u to stop interacting w hp media altogether.

however, trans people are not a monolith, and there are many trans people who continue to interact with hp in a variety of ways. for me, the space i've carved out in fandom over the past year or so has been a little online haven since i have to remain closeted irl for the most part. hp fanfic has been an important outlet for me to explore + express things abt my own trans identity. but i am also very aware that within the broader trans community, i am not one of those who is most vulnerable to jkr's rhetoric + politics. at the end of the day, there are trans people who don't care if you spend money on hp, there are trans people who don't care if u interact with fandom as long as u aren't spending money, there are trans people who think u shouldn't touch hp with a five-foot pole, and all manner of perspectives in between.

for me personally, there are caveats to my interaction with hp + the way i navigate the ethical minefield of jkr. i don't think there is any reason to ever financially contribute to hp, whether that's buying merch or games or going to hp themeparks or whatever, and i discourage people from interacting w hp within the context of any sort of profit economy. i try not to interact with hp in a way that will grow the popularity of the franchise in any way - i post fanfiction on ao3, where the people reading it are gonna be people who are already part of this space that are seeking it out, and i have this tumblr blog which is, essentially, the same deal. i'm not trying to advertise my fic or get people to suddenly develop a new interest in harry potter, if that makes sense. this is part of why tiktok remains a bit of an ethical quagmire for me, because i feel that the way people interact w fic on there often blurs the lines between being inside or outside of a profit economy.

i also think it's important, when interacting with hp in any way, to acknowledge jkr's influence and the inherent shittiness of the source material. i don't think it's enough to go "dobby wrote the books haha!" and act like we can just ignore jkr, bc her shitty politics are built into the book. i think it's important to engage critically and to consider how you're building off the source material and whether ur unintentionally perpetuating the biases in the text by copying and pasting them without further examination. i talk abt this more in this post

and, of course, i think it's important to vocally stand against jkr + her politics, and to support trans people within + outside of fandom spaces in whatever ways you can. i think it's important to stay educated + engage with theory + politics in a way that goes beyond retweeting posts or watching tiktok clips. jkr isn't just transphobic; her sexism, racism, classism, fatphobia, homophobia, ableism, antisemitism, and overall horrible neoliberal politics are very much built into the text of hp, and if u are not actively educating urself on these issues it's gonna be easier to just internalize them without realizing it.

for me, these are all considerations that affect the way i interact with hp + the extent to which i interact with hp. however, there are people out there who would probably tell me to get off my high horse + stop acting like there are more or less ~morally pure~ ways to interact with hp, bc at the end of the day there's no ethical consumption under capitalism and people writing hp fanfiction isn't really harmful in the grand scheme of things. there are other people who would tell me that it doesn't matter what mitigating factors i'm using to justify my hobby; any contribution that keeps people talking about hp keeps jkr relevant, and i should be able to find other shit to write about. and like....i understand the perspectives of both those people, y'know?

i honestly just think this is a decision where every individual needs to weigh the scales themselves and decide what they're okay with. it's not my job to police or justify the ways people do or don't interact w hp media; if someone's interacting with it in a way i don't like, then i block that person or just don't interact with them. if someone sees me interacting w hp fanfic + thinks that makes me a shitty person, then they can think that and we can go on living our separate lives. some trans people continue to find comfort + community in hp fandom spaces, other trans people feel deeply hurt by the continued existence of these spaces. there is no single answer to What Supports Everybody. your relationship with your friend is something specific to your situation that you'll need to take into account when weighing your own feelings about interacting with hp; the only advice i can really offer is that i think it's better to critically consider the various perspectives people have on this issue without reducing it to a black and white case of two sides where one must be right and one must be wrong.

[catgirlforeskin]

I feel like you saying that transfems somehow experience this godly level of oppression that trans men won't ever understand is really ignorant and childish in the face of the very real experiences we have? Like.

I didn't end up in online sex work where I was taken advantage of and praised specifically for being transmasc for u to say that. People specifically used me and my trans body as a way to alleviate their guilt for sexually abusing a 14 year old because I wasn't a girl (but not a boy because that makes me too human, acknowledging what i actually am, that I'm anything more than a goddamn fuckdoll.) They fetishized me for being a subhuman tranny and they convinced me that it was totally kinky and cute to call me transphobic slurs during e-sex and blackmail me into telling them my deadname. I've sat through degrading comments from family members asking about my reproductive system with the invasiveness of a doctor and Ive been harrassed by every member of my family about the "irreversible damage" and I've watched the biggest fucking public figures talk about me like I'm a baby and tear away my transition opportunities one by one.

I'm fat and disabled and I'm in constant fucking pain but doctors haven't taken me seriously, and it was even less so when I came out. I have not gone through this fucking hell for you to be a whiny shitass. You are a goddamned adult, act like one.

I like your blog, I think you're funny and I'm sure we'd get along great irl but this is not the shit and you need to cut it out. You need to realize that hurting your trans brothers like this gets you nowhere. Trans people need each other.

I need you to realize how triggering it is for a trans man to read your blog and see the stuff you say about us. it is dehumanizing and gross and you're contributing to transphobia, whether or not you like it.

I enjoy how all your jabs on me are done in the most paternalistic way possible, was your transition goal “shitty dad”?

Not really sure what sparked this, feel like I haven’t talked about transphobia at all in a while on here, and when I have never once said trans men don’t experience transphobia, I’m genuinely sorry those things happened to you, though it’s also weird for you to drop all that in my inbox. I’d rather not strangers tell me in intimate detail everything bad they’ve ever experienced, including sexual violence, for the sake of an argument, y’know?

Is this because I’ve spoken out about transmisandry and its variants not being terms people should use, and those posts are circulating again or somethin? I’m more confused than anything

[suiana]

So to give to a little context first. I have a friend whom I met from my old online school. We have a enemies dynamic. We've each other for 2 years now. When we first met I was the one who talked the most, which he used to see as "annoying". Ever since I left the online school and became busy with my new irl school, I started messaging him less and when I do, he acts more and more nicer and chill than before. To the point he stared flirting with me but I always brushed it off as I also flirt with everybody. Did I forget to mention we are the complete opposite of each other. He's extremely introverted online while I'm literally just putting out my phone number for everyone to see. Irl tho I'm introverted and scared of people unlike him who suddenly has the ultimate rizz and getting into fights with other boys.

One time he messaged me while putting on his just as he got out if the shower. Lemme tell you I was dense af back then. He literally asked for shampoo recommendations. I didn't know anything about men's hygiene so I told him to use a flower scented shampoo. He left for 15mins which I thought was because he was drying his hair. No he was running to the store. He asked for which shampoo brand I use. I didn't want him to know that much about me so I said any sakura scented one.

Another time was when we were talking about a game we like and he thought about cosplaying the character I liked and I thought of it as just some teasing between friends and went along with it by saying I prefer the female characters.

I'm always questioning my sexuality so I'm always joking around that I'm gay and I think that's the reason why he hasn't been straight forward.

He started his own irl school last week and a girl kept looking back and forth at him and when he was about to go home she stopped him saying he could always ask her for help about studies and the school.

And again with a different girl but this time is his deskmate. Apparently every single girl he has met had asked him if he has a gf to which he responded with "not ur business" and I already knew something wasn't right at this point because I have seen his face before and he is mid. Sure ig some girls r into tall boys but he's a freaking emo.

And did I tell you about my suspicion about his deskmate not even being a real girl because the Coincidences if them being neighbors and having way too much in common is too suspicious. Did I also mention "her" personality is completely unreal. She says she's "not like the other girls" and HE him out of all people fricking agreed

And his description of her sounds exactly like me. Short wolfcut, gets mistaken as a boy, kinda tall. Even her behavior is like mine, Just randomly zoning out. And the last thing that completely threw me off guard was her grades. She's the Top of the class. I'm literally part of the student council.

But then I wanted to meet her too if she was comfortable with it but y know what he said.

Idk I can

He thinks I might accidentally hurt her feelings. He has known me for nearly 3 years.

And his response to me was

"Didnt mean it but since she has many mental issues and tried to suicide her self because of got bullied and mocked,i just don't want to makes her feel bad and depressed"

I relate to her so now im always telling him to protect her even if her stories might be worse than mine.

But now that I'm rethinking about it

I think he's lying to me

I heard getting advice from random strangers on the internet is better than getting actual help /j

I actually really like him and I don't have the courage to confront him directly about it

There's a very high chance I'm just being delusional and should continue being some wingman

But I don't have any other friends to tell this and I really need to get it off my chest and get other ppls opinions so I hoped I didn't make too many Grammer mistakes

don't worry about making grammar mistakes it's totally ok

u should subtly try to egg him on for answers

like asking what's Ur ideal type, what would u do if u date me, do u think we'll be more than just friends etc

if he hints that he does like u maybe u can shoot your shot lol haha, and don't be disheartened if he rejects u, there's plenty of fish in the sea :3

imo u probably have a good chance of getting that because he probably likes you ++ no guy I've seen would do such things for someone they just call a friend :)

I hope everything goes well for you bae and all the best

[madfantasy]

I just wanted to say that we all care about you. I know most of the time life sucks, but please keep being strong. I'm sure even if it doesn't look like it right now things will get better ❤🌸❤

I believe in that, but it's not comforting to hear at the moment to be honest..

I'm embarrassed to have not deleted the post because I usually just type out my frustration and save them as a draft.. but I honestly feel I'm always pushed to the end of my wits nothing makes sense..

One step forward and three back.. I cried all day while starving, you can't do that if u don't want horrible headaches

It feels like I'm living— constantly and simultaneously 2 realities, where one I'm physically at consumes my living drive and the other trying to be here, and in my mind effortlessly keeping me in bliss just to hold on to the last bits of me, it now doing art.. I know if I stopped, there's no more Mani..

I remember being a teenager+ scattering the net for any remote jobs and applying behind guardians back but never getting anything because there was no such thing as online jobs in the Eastern world and everything was USA based or a scam, I fell into 2 scams even.

Now, I only have the energy strictly to draw, anything else will kill me, there's no other way around it and I'm tired of sugar coating it

also coming to know I am different and my perception of the world is different, more and more certain of it now. And it is why no matter the culture I was thrusted into, I could not adapt, gulf culture, Shami culture, western or the general English speaking online culture, I could only feel that I'm intruding. And it's okay only when your lifelyhood or income is not through them or forced through them.. so I suppose its not okay, and because I'm trying to be social and failing, maybe that's why I'm failing too as an artist, but can't deny such things as social media quirks, luck and algorithms..

Living an isolated life is to blame as well, thanks to a balanced mixed of poverty and abuse, the last crowd encounter was durring my schooling days, slowly seeing people's faces becoming an impossible hurdle than it used to be, as I never made eye contact but was able to tolerate existing in a foreign space, now the mere thought of leaving the house reduce me into a panic driven mess.. just looking at people through a screen is already constantly hard.. I'll be thirty soon and I still have not experienced irl in a general– getting used to it– sense... I only know what common sense, documentaries and the so called reality shows have taught me.

It's so hard to consider the value of someone like me still procuring space on earth, a burden while I never wanted to be and tried anything not to be worst and feeling guilty all the time, killing me more having my siblings in the same boat...

While in the surrounding I inhibit, there's no much choices of help (unless if u willing to be humiliated for nothing) or independence anyway. Either u be wed like a stock or have deep connections or an actual good sensible family to back u..

I can not hold on much longer without hope or a breather..

Thank u so much my dears tho, thank u for making me feel heard and seen..

My greatest wish to just draw and share art and make my corner a safe haven, I fail at doing so too..

[elytrafemme]

im here to ask a system question. warning: it might be dumb or ignorant or too intrusive or something cause i dont know what words are. ignore and delete if you want ,or answer with thumbs down emoji so that i go away for a bit

i started saying i was nonbinary online for anonymity or whatever and then i realised hey.... i like this a little too much. fast forward a year and im being theythem'd left right and center by my best friend, and i gave myself a name that i adore, and i want to do a lot more coming out to a lot more people because all i can think about at the moment is that im not a girl or a boy. im just a guy. i never expected people to be okay with this and im scared i cant live my whole life as a nonbinary person or that im just being stupid or something.

is this sort of happening with you as a system right now? not the online anonymity part i mean. but is what youre telling us Mare Enjoyers spilling into your real life? do you tell people? do your friends know? are you terrified about it all the same way i am?

i know being part of a system isnt the same as a gender crisis and its sort of ridiculous of me to phrase this question as if it is, but youre a hugehuge inspiration for me and id like to know how youre living life. or whatever

i guess im asking because this gender stuff feels like my brain is being rewritten. or electrified or something. and i wondered if being part of a syystem is a bit like that too? thanks. if you want to you can tell me to leave or die or something. thank you thanks

anon. rattles you like a maraca. im not going to tell you to die for asking me a well intentioned question 😭 like you're okay i promise, hands you an autumn leaf i found outside <3

that being said i worry i can't give you an adequate answer because im not sure how to make an apt comparison here? my experience with gender myself has been kind of all over the place but mostly boiled down to "i'll just let people find out through some means and we'll go from there"

a little diff from your experience but there are similarities maybe? also i totally get the like, staying anonymous to oh Shit gender pipeline .and im glad you have a lotta supportive people in your life; i think so long as you've got yourself, and you've got a support system, you can live the rest of your life the way you want to! i mean all you really need is yourself but its nice having people to affirm it. so i think u will be okay :D <3

the system stuff is. weird. because okay i do have a thin thread that ties this account to my IRLs and that thin thread is that my closest friend follows this account. which has been kind of a risky maneuver but ultimately my thing is like, if xe finds out then... xe finds out? and we move on. me and my best friend have the benefit of familiarity and also knowing when to let sleeping dogs lie, so i'm not really worried about that.

what DOES scare me is other people IRL finding out, which is kind of different to any of my experiences with sexuality or gender or anything. because for better or for worse i'm sort of an open book, i have a pretty expressive face i've been told and i'm in a pretty accepting school so i just kinda. let shit happen.

of course having a dissociative disorder is really different though because that could legitimately get me into some really shitty situations in a psychiatric context. one of the things protecting me here is the fact that it's more like... i "have" a "dissociative disorder". i might share many characteristics with OSDD-1b, but i'm not going to diagnose myself and my therapist isn't going to diagnose me and both of our reasonings boil down to wanting to prevent me from getting labeled or hospitalized or sterilized or whatever the hell the modern psychiatric biz is still justifying as appropriate measures.

the 'rewritten' part of what you said REALLY resonates, because i think the hardest part about not having my IRLs know is less like ... it's not really that i need them to know about the others. sure it'd be nice to explain the joke that i laughed at out of nowhere (to them) and say that it was klav sassing me about something, but that's not really necessary when i have you all here?

it's more like. well. i myself, as in me, mare, am the host. but i don't know if i was the host forever. most of my mental health recovery has been purposeful and good and hard work on my part, sure. but there was a weird point in time where i had this barrier i couldn't bypass, and one day i just woke up and did. and it just so happened that when i got to that place, i also became more aware of the others (though i hadn't known it was them at the time). a lot that leads me to think i haven't been the host forever.

and i don't need people to know that, exactly. our memories are the same, there's a few blocked out periods but those aren't really the memories i want to recall with anybody IRL anyway and i'm sure they aren't interested in thinking about it either. it's just... there's a very strange grief with knowing that you aren't exactly... the same person? that has been here the whole time. it's very weird. like really fucking weird. and it's kind of hard to live sometimes knowing that i can't really reference who i was before i was 16 without the thought of "that wasn't you."

in the end, the reason that i'm part of a system is because i underwent trauma and my brain needed a way to cope with it. people aren't supposed to be able to tell when me and dahlia switch during school because dahlia fronts when i'm distressed and unable to function, so it's just an attempt to keep me functioning, not her trying to say hi. et cetera. in the end, my classmates aren't really having these weird meet and greets with my alters -- they're around to keep us all afloat.

maybe someday i'll tell people in real life about them. but at the end of the day it's all just one large coping mechanism, with a shit ton of cons and a lot of mental fuckery. and of course it's not just a coping mechanism to ME but it would be that to other people. does that make sense? it's just like any of the other vague coping mechanisms i've mentined to people to explain why i'm so happy so frequently despite everything.

so to summarize all that, i am pretty terrified of people IRL finding out. it could get me into some really yikes situations, and it's also just fucking complicated to explain. but if i did explain it, i would just frame it as a coping mechanism, and i'm sure over time people would stop caring so much.

i've been rambling kind of a lot because this is sort of complicated. it's inevitable someone finds out at some point; i just hope it's in a setting where we're alone and i can explain.

coming out as being part of a system is probably less terrifying than the experience of being part of a system, so it's all uphill. and i think some parts of explaining it would be more terrifying than others, so it's all relative. uphill and relative.

sorry this is rambly, i was thinking about all this just this morning actually? it has a lot of facets to it. saying that i'm not the same person that has always hosted is probably infinitely harder to admit than saying "yeah i have a part of my brain that holds my desperation and helplessness so that in my day to day life i don't feel those emotions as much."

would i like to be open about being a system to everyone? maybe, but it's not necessary. if i'm marrying someone then yes, i'd like them to know. but if we're close friends, or just friends in general, all i really care about is my friends knowing that i'm okay. and that i'm getting through life. the means of how i'm getting through it aren't really relevant to the conversation, imo.

hope you're welll, anon, sorry for rambling this much. and if my IRL following this account does see this, i'm okay lmao also my homeocming fit is so good you're gonna love it ok see u later love u. and i don't know, really, but. yeah. i don't know exactly.

TLDR yeah it's terrifying, but hopefully i have some kind of safeguard against bad consequences following coming out. i am sure if i explained to people in my life they would eventually understand, though some parts of it would be harder to phrase so i would probably leave a few things out. if i'm marrying someone i would probably let them know but otherwise i don't think it's necessary my friends know my coping mechanisms, just that i'm coping. it's not just a coping mechanism to me, but it would be if i were to explain it.

[starglitterz]

cynosure. (v)

─── chapter 5 ! ~ irl fps ?!

summary; you and xiao are genmates under the famed streamer company genshin impact. the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable, and your fanbases absolutely love your collaborations. but when you both start meeting up offline more and more, your connection starts to deepen past just harmless flirting and playful banter. with these real feelings starting to affect both your job and reputation online, how will you two react when your relationship becomes the internet’s cynosure?

a/n: sorry for the wait T_T this part has actual writing and it is So Long hehe, plus tbh it should be called quill rambling abt how pretty xiao is for 4k words LMAOOO hope you enjoy !! :D

also 哥哥 means big brother in chinese :)

warnings; toy guns mentioned, slightly suggestive, possible ooc xiao but idc this has been in my head Forever /nm

previous.┃masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

no but seriously if u guys don't reblog this i will use musou no hitotachi on you /j

this chapter is dedicated to my beloved @nurserinnn !!! thank u for always sending me loads of hcs and brainrot after every chapter + super cute & sweet asks SKDJSK ily loads [as a harem member] <3

private messages !

irl !

qiqi crouches on the pavement outside, one hand absently tracing the cracks in the stone ground with the other raised to the sky to block her pale face from the sun's harsh glare. xiao, meanwhile, is leaning against the fence, arms crossed over his torso as he gazes at the small girl to ensure she's alright. "hey qiqi," he begins, tilting his head to gauge her reaction, "do you remember that person i told you about?" "um..." qiqi scrunches up her face as if digging about in her memories to recall, "is it that girl you said was really pretty and fun? qiqi thinks her name is y/n." xiao's face turns redder than a tomato, but he doesn't deny anything, "you're right. she's coming over today." "qiqi wants to meet her," qiqi states, but then doesn't continue as her attention is diverted by a butterfly flying around her. xiao glances at his watch, "at this rate, you probably will. baizhu's late, as usual." "dr baizhu... qiqi doesn't remember his face," qiqi returns to trailing her finger along the lines of the ground.

suddenly, xiao hears footsteps and he looks up, only to be met with the sight of you right in front of him! "hey, xiao!" you beam excitedly, clasping your hands behind your back as you grin at him. both xiao's brain and his heart nearly explode simultaneously because; 1) you look way too adorable in your outfit - sure, it's just casual clothes, but still, how do you always manage to look stunning?! and 2) he cannot believe that you actually came and didn't bail on him, and you're standing here outside his house! and you're going to stay here for the night! xiao doesn't know how he's going to survive the rest of the day without getting a heart attack.

"oh, y/n! hi," he says, hoping neither his shyness nor his flusteredness show on his expression. however, before he can say anything else, he's interrupted by qiqi popping up between the two of you. "oh. you are really pretty," the young girl states bluntly as she looks up at you. heat rushes to your face at the innocent compliment, but then you realise something odd and query, "thank you! but wait, you know who i am?" "yes," qiqi states, the smallest hint of a smile curving her lips, "xiao 哥哥 talks about you a lot-" "hahaha qiqi, baizhu's here! it's time for you to go home!" without warning, xiao pulls qiqi into an awkward hug, one hand flying to cover her mouth. while you try to hide your laughter, qiqi stares up at him slowly and nods once, her gaze then travelling to the sleek black car which has just driven up.

the window rolls down, and an unknown man with a pet snake coiled around his neck calls out, "sorry for being late, xiao! qiqi, hop in." he glances at you, and his eyes narrow, almost like a predator gazing at his prey, "now who are you?" "i'm y/n, xiao's genmate in genshin," you reply, perceiving him to be harmless. but then xiao steps in front of you and growls, "leave her alone, baizhu. she doesn't want your dumb services." baizhu feigns an affronted expression, "how mean! i'm merely a doctor." "yeah, a shady one," xiao mutters under his breath as he helps qiqi buckle her seatbelt. "you wound me, xiao," baizhu smirks, to which xiao answers, "good," and shuts the door. before baizhu drives away, qiqi peers up through the window and gives the two of you a small wave, "byebye, xiao 哥哥. byebye, y/n." you wave back at her, internally freaking out over how adorable she is, "byebye!"

as soon as the car disappears into the distance, you bump your hip against xiao's, "so, xiao, care to tell me what you've talked about me? it's apparently a lot~." xiao's face flushes, and he really hopes you think it's because of the summer sun, "let's just go inside, y/n." with a happy giggle, you decide to stop teasing xiao and follow him into his house.

───────────────

"holy shoot xiao, your setup is so cool!" you gush in awe as you step into xiao's 'streaming room'. it's lit by led lights, which are currently set to a dark teal greenish shade, mimicking the highlights in xiao's hair. there's a small fridge in the corner of the room, and when xiao pads over to open it and take out a drink for the two of you, you realise it's filled almost entirely with energy drinks. "is that even healthy...?" you accidentally say out loud, prompting xiao to turn back to you and ask, "is what healthy?" "ah! nothing!" you panic, "just the sheer amount of energy drinks in there." xiao seems to be much more in his element in his familiar streaming room, and his features relax into a soft smile as he tosses you a can, "don't worry, i don't drink them all the time." "oh, that's good then," you fumble to catch it and reply, feeling as if you're making this ten times more awkward then it should be. archons, transferring online relationships to real life is so much more difficult than it seems.

to break the sudden silence, you quickly ask, "so, who was that little girl out there? i'm going to take a guess and assume you don't have a kid." "no, she's not my daughter!" the tips of xiao's ears turn red, and you stifle a chuckle - it's so easy to fluster him. "her name's qiqi, she's a young girl that i rescued on the street, she was all alone and just claimed she didn't know where her parents were. i couldn't just leave her like that, so i took her in, and later aether told me about his doctor friend baizhu, who's the creep you met outside," xiao leans against his desk, cupping the can of drink in one hand and seeming to drift off into his memories. "he didn't seem like that much of a creep," you shrug, cracking open the can to take a sip. xiao's eyes flash with a trace of an unknown emotion... jealousy, perhaps? then after a moment of contemplation he responds, "yeah, he isn't all bad. after all, he took qiqi under his wing without hesitation."

it's only now that you realise how incredible xiao looks. the afternoon sun filters in through the window, bathing him in a gentle glow, and he seems so at ease compared to the aloof version of him from the online collaborations you've had with him. he's dressed in a simple black hoodie, and wonky black nail polish adorns his nails - you assume qiqi painted them for him. in fact, you barely hear his reply from how captivated you've become in admiring his appearance. only when xiao clears his throat do you snap out of your thoughts, "y/n, you're staring. is there something on my face?" "no, no, no! nothing at all!" you turn away, praying to every deity you know that the flaming heat you can feel on your face isn't obvious to him.

trying to turn the tables, you comment, "don't think i'm letting go of the fact that you talk about me." xiao groans, "oh no." you spin around, having managed to successfully conceal your embarrassment and prance up to him with a playful grin, "i'm so honoured to have the famous xiao praise me!" xiao drags a hand down his face slowly, hiding his expression, "y/n..." "i'm kidding!" you giggle, "but seriously, it's cute that you talk about me. only good things though, i hope." "of course, what else is there to say?" xiao's eyes flick up to yours from how he was attempting to look literally anywhere else in the room. what catches you off guard is the genuineness in his tone, he isn't spewing sleazy compliments to grab your attention, he's saying what he actually thinks, and that makes your heart do several backflips. "well... i talk about you to my friends too," you mumble, and xiao's eyes widen, "really?!" "yeah."

silence blankets the room, and both of you are unwilling to shatter the moment. it's almost as if you want to freeze this second in time, this second where both of you seem so eager to fall in love, yet shy and hesitant too. finally, xiao coughs, "y/n, should i start teaching you how to play val now? you can use the second desktop right beside mine." "sure!" you answer, plopping into the comfy chair next to his - you recognise it from his streams. the excited smile you shoot xiao as you open up the game is almost like an arrow from cupid right through his heart.

───────────────

"ahhh, i'm tired," you lean back in your seat, cracking your knuckles and stretching. when you glance out the window, the sun's already beginning to dip below the horizon, a sign reminding you of how long you and xiao have been playing. you both made dummy accounts to practice, and had a fun afternoon messing around in game, with xiao guiding you through valorant's mechanics and you picking it up as quick as you could. although xiao's aim obviously far outshone yours, you were pretty sure you could be considered a worthy opponent now. "yeah, we should probably stop playing for now," xiao says, looking at you with a concerned gaze. "can i look around?" you ask, ensuring you receive xiao's permission before poking around his stuff. "go ahead, i need to sort out a thumbnail for tomorrow's stream." "yay! if you need any help, you better ask me! don't be a dumbass and try to do it all on your own," you warn, shaking your finger at him. a chuckle escapes his throat, and xiao nods before beginning to scroll through twitter, searching for fanart of the two of you to use as part of the thumbnail.

you hop from the chair, strolling straight towards the shelf at the back of the room. you've seen it briefly during xiao's streams, but due his background always being slightly blurred, you've never been able to make out what's actually on it, and you've also always been quite curious about it. as you scan each rack, you notice each one has something different on it. the first shelf has a bunch of potted succulents and books, the second has a couple of anime character figurines and some dvds- wait, hang on a minute. "xiao?" "mhm?" "is this my debut commemorative voice merch? you know, those voicelines they made us record for our 1 month anniversary." xiao nearly falls off his chair as he spins around faster than the speed of light to face you, "n-no! i mean yes! it is, but i bought everyone's from our generation, just to support you all." you giggle softly, "strange though, i don't see yanfei and hu tao's here. nor your own, which is even weirder." "ah, theirs must be somewhere around here in this mess. and why would i buy my own voicelines? that's just narcissistic." xiao's excuse is completely made up, and it's almost painfully obvious - there's not a hair out of place in his room, you have no clue what mess he's talking about. it's cute though, so you'll let it slide.

just then, something on the third shelf catches your attention, and a mischievous smile graces your features. "xiao?" you call out again, and he turns to reply to you, "yeah?" however, as soon as he faces you, you shoot a bullet at him from the toy nerf gun in your hand, and (un)fortunately, it smacks him right in the face, "gotcha!" xiao is stunned, and he freezes up for a second, causing you to worry you've annoyed him. lucky for you, the next second he laughs softly before smirking at you with gleaming golden eyes, "oh, it is on."

xiao grabs another toy gun from somewhere on his desk and aims it at you, prompting you to squeal and run away. once you're safely outside his room, you stick your tongue out, "you'll never catch me, xiao!" he merely fires off a plastic bullet at you, "yeah right, "and you dart your head around the corner to dodge. as you lean against the wall, you exhale in relief, but then squeeze your eyes shut in mortification - what on earth were you thinking, shooting xiao like that? now he was going to think you were a total child, he was probably playing along just to stop the situation from becoming awkward.

groaning internally, you turn back around the corner, preparing yourself to apologise but then- you smack into something. "ah!" a surprised sound escapes your throat at the same time as you hear a grunt from right above you. you open your eyes slowly, only to be met with xiao's amber irises. both time and your brain seem to freeze as you meet his gaze, and only after a split second which feels like an eternity do you process what happened. the two of you quickly move backwards from your position of bumping into him, and xiao coughs once, trying to dismiss the embarrassing atmosphere. instead of saying anything though, he aims his nerf gun at you and shoots you right in the centre of your torso. with a small, slightly smug smirk adorning his lips, xiao tilts his head, "told you i'd catch you." suddenly, laughter bubbles up from your lips, and you grin at him, "the game isn't over yet, xiao!" with that, you shoot back at him and take off at a dash down the corridor, leaving xiao to pursue you.

perhaps he doesn't think you're that much of a child after all.

groupchat !

irl !

the sound of the bathroom door opening prompts you to switch off your phone and glance upwards from how you were perched on a beanbag on the floor of xiao's bedroom. ever the gentleman, he had encouraged you to shower first, claiming he didn't mind waiting. he was showering right now, or at least he was supposed to be. the sight you're gazing at now seems to prove otherwise.

xiao has stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a loose pair of black shorts. you blink once, then twice, before realising that no, you aren't hallucinating; xiao is actually shirtless in front of you. your eyes trace up his torso, widening upon noticing his perfectly defined set of abs. no wonder it hurt so much when you crashed into him earlier. a loose white towel is tossed carelessly around his neck, and it provides a stark contrast to the dark green tattoos snaking around his incredibly toned upper arms in an intricate pattern. droplets of water still cling to his jade-streaked hair, framing his face like a picture. his amber eyes glimmer like jewels, and you find yourself wondering what it would be like to get lost in them.

then suddenly, you snap out of your daze and realise how perverted you sound. covering your eyes with your hand, you ask playfully, pretending like your cheeks aren't flaming hot, "xiao, did you mean to give me such a show?" "what?!" from what you can hear, xiao seems to whirl around and remember you're in his room too. "i... i forgot my shirt, that's all," he says quickly, embarrassment filling his tone, "i'm going to change." "mmkay," you reply with a chuckle, peeking through your fingers to see a very flustered xiao rush back into the bathroom and slam the door, "don't make me wait too long!"

───────────────

"no way!" you fold your arms across your chest and pout like a petulant child, frowning at xiao. "i meant that i'll take the sofa, you can have the bed," xiao says confusedly, not understanding why you're upset. "let me take the sofa, i'll feel bad if i'm kicking you out of your own room!" "no," xiao replies promptly and decisively, leaving no room for argument. as a final attempt, you suggest, "then why don't we just share the bed?" xiao fell silent, and you realised the tips of his ears have turned red - archons, he's so cute! "of course, if you don't want to, that's fine as well! i don't mind taking the couch," you add on quickly, not wanting to pressure him into anything he was uncomfortable with. "no!" he speaks up, "i don't mind sharing the bed... if you're alright with it too." a huge grin paints itself across your cheeks, and for xiao, it was almost like seeing sunshine break through the clouds on a rainy day.

and that is how you ended up sharing a bed with the one and only adeptus xiao.

although right now, you're kinda starting to regret it. it's far too difficult to fall asleep when you can feel xiao's warmth beside you, even though there's a thin bolster between you both. "hey xiao?" you ask, the two words breaking the silence. "hm?" "today was really fun!" you turn around to face him, and upon realising he's already facing you, you beam at him. "yeah, it was," xiao murmurs, a small smile curving his lips. he seems to already be half-asleep, and you wonder if this is a consequence of the endurance stream that he pulled yesterday. he probably hasn't slept since then.

"hey xiao?" you ask again, your voice much softer this time, tinged with a hint of hesitation. "mm?" he really is almost asleep now, but for some reason you've just got a huge burst of confidence, so you press on. "would it be okay if i... slept closer to you?" the question escapes your lips in a whisper, and you almost want to cover your face to hide from his reply. but xiao merely opens his golden catlike eyes, heavy with sleepiness, and stares at you for a moment as if weighing his options. then wordlessly, he moves the bolster away and opens his arms to you.

trying to hide your joy from his lack of a rejection, you cuddle closer to him, and his arm wraps around your torso. there's no other way to say it, both of you are actually cuddling now. and you're this close to spontaneously combusting. xiao smells like qingxin petals, you think to yourself absently as he rests his chin on your head. you don't dare move, lest you ruin the peace, but as your eyes slide shut, you murmur softly, "goodnight, xiao. good luck for tomorrow." you're not sure if you've already started dreaming when you feel a shy kiss on the top of your head and a quiet reply, "goodnight, y/n. sweet dreams."

a/n; HELLOOOO AHHHHH THE ENDING AKWJDJKASKJDSA CRIES /POS this chapter took like 750 years im so sorry T_T i hope u enjoyed it loads tho, i had sm fun writing it JKDKJSD there were so many cute moments here. yeah i wanna have a nerf gun fight w xiao what abt it??? HAHAHA ok i better go sleep now i have school tmrw pain </3 YOU ALL BETTER REBLOG THIS WITH FUN COMMENTS OR I WILL EAT YOU /J (pls do, this took ages and also send me some swag asks abt it pls and thank u hehe)

rin came up w the idea of xiao having qiqi as a sorta younger sister here !

and xiao's room inspo is half inspired from luca's ask here !

aaaa i love how i get to interact w you guys abt cynosure and incorporate ur super sexc ideas omg (with permission ofc) :D !! thank u for supporting cynosure so far, and i hope you all continue to enjoy it until the end mwah <3333

taglist (closed); @noirkkat @bookuya @ohmykazuha @glazelilyy @oreoz-unfortunately @tiny-aroace @xiaophobic @test-tube @jiinghe @storytravelled @mirikusashes @ben6ett @oliviasslut @velionqs @bluexiao @lunachelly @aelatus @mimion @akiiyukii @angelhxneyy @give-xiao-almond-tofu @abyssheart @xuanya @normalisthenewnorm @viagiraffe @fuhuashandholder @astersg4rden @dilucbar @eternism-deactivated20210821 @nachotrash @childe-support @cynokine @axerrri @albedos-apprentice @kait-is-always-late @hushyouu @celestair @rim0na @indecisivehusky @nurserinnn @ariesreii @saving-for-xiao @hellokittykuroo @auradragon199 @xiaoszn @ayaka-wrld @almondto-fu

usernames in bold could not be tagged :( pls do lmk if u have changed ur username/want to be removed from the taglist by sending in an ask!

general masterlist.

© starglitterz 2021. do not repost or modify in any way.

[realllllfangirllllll]

Boyfriend!Shownu

MX Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Wow the cutest bestest boyfriend ever

So when he realized he had a crush on u he was so flustered

Everytime he saw u he’d be so awkward and shy

And u thought he didn’t like u bc u were around the boys too often

And distracted them during practice

So u kinda avoided him too

But he couldn’t handle it anymore one day

And when the boys left the practice room to buy some snacks

He awkwardly came up to u and asked u shyly

“Hey uhm why don’t u talk to me as much as u do with the boys?”

And you’d accidentally burst out laughing bc he seemed so small atm

And his rosy cheeks were so cute

You’d tell him bc u thought he hated u

And he quickly shake his head

And then you gave him a smug look

“Well now I know what u think about me”

And then he gave u a confused “you do?” look

And you just smiled and told him to lower himself to your height

He became so flustered bc u poked his cheeks outta nowhere

“Your cheeks gave it away”

You told him with the biggest smile on ur face

He returned ur smile with a big goofy one

And he was on the verge of asking u out

But the boys came shouting that they got good snacks

You chuckled and whispered to him

“Yes I will”

He then couldn’t function for the rest of the day

His only thought was what he should do on his first date

Fast forward to a week after u agreed to go out with him

you haven’t heard anything from him at all

At this rate u were thinking he forgot

But that was far from it

He spent days and days searching online to see what he can plan to do for his first date

He was a nervous wreck

The boys would be stupid if they hadn’t seen it

So they threw some hints here and there

Until hyunwoo finally came up with an idea (thanks to the boys lowkey)

So he hit you up (finally)

You received a text from him (instead of a call bc that boy be freaking out irl)

And the biggest smile was plastered on ur face

Fast forward to the big date

Hyunwoo shows up at ur front door dressed in boyfriend style,,,forehead poppin

And takes you into his car

Before you put ur seatbelt on he says he left something in the back

So u help him get it

And boom! the most beautiful bouquet of flowers awaited u

And he smiled wholeheartedly at ur reaction

He stopped being nervous because wow

You really like him and everything he does for u

Even if it’s just a little surprise with flowers

So shy hyunwoo is out the door

In welcomes cheeky bf shownu

He puts ur seatbelt on for u

Maybe lingering by ur side for too long

And now it’s time for u to be the rosy cheeked one

To ur surprise he took u to his dorm

And to the terrace

Where you were met with the most beautiful and relaxing sight

A projector was hung up

The originally plain terrace was decorated with pretty flowers

Fairy lights

And a large cozy pillow fort

Off to the side was a table filled with snacks and desserts

You fell in love with the sight and hyunwoo fell in love with your awestruck expression

The two of you laid comfortably in the pillow fort

Admiring the blazing sun setting into a warm breezy evening

Perfectly lighting up a cozy atmosphere

The both of you talked about nothing and everything

You laughed suddenly and hyunwoo had the most adorably confused face

And you told him

“I used to think you didn’t want to talk to me, but now I see you held so much back from me”

The two of you made eye contact

And you held the most beautiful gaze filled with adoration for hyunwoos new talkative and comfortable behavior

His large hands gently held your smaller ones

Giving you a soft smile he kissed the top of your hand

“From this point on, I’ll tell you everything on my mind”

Your cheeks heat up

You questioned, “oh yea?”

He nodded and pulled you to his side

You rest your head on his beating chest and you asked, “like what?”

He grinned to himself and leaned down

You felt his lips pressed to your forehead before he pulled apart and said

I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world

He then proceeded to lean further down

Capturing your lips with his into a beautiful kiss

Clang!

The both of you broke apart from the kiss and turned to the sudden loud noise in the back

There you two saw jooheon looking like a deer caught in headlights

“Whoops my bad I left my phone here when I came to set all this up”

You laughed and shownu became so embarrassed at both his friend and himself

“So you got a little help with all this huh?”

He embarrassedly scratched the back of his neck and you bursted out in laughter again

“Glad to know the boys approve of us”

———

[sugasugawarau]

200 milestone

This blog hit 200 during my semi-hiatus and I neglected to post this after because I still had matchups for my 100 and the mlist for Table for Two was posted meaning I’m a lil late 😹👍 but I do want to take the time to properly thank each and every one of you for sticking around!! Your support means the world to me I love u all 🥺💕 As a thank you, I’ll be doing matchups again and a lil smth to do with self-ships; read more about and join the event here!

From my previous milestone to now, I’ve also had the amazing opportunity to get to know more people so I want to take the time to thank some of my mutuals since I’m most likely going to be rlly bad at replying to messages and checking up on your posts with school starting up :,) (VERY lengthy hence read more)

— to the biggest lo5ers ik!

@kbh-ton; HAHA I bet you didn’t expect to be called out since you only use Tumblr for reblogging but here we are, bbq sauce on my (.)(.) 😍Just wanted to say that aside from being an amazing friend since grade 4 (except for when you bully me stop trying to kin Tsukishima so hard smh), I am immensely grateful for your support for all the dumb shit I do online and offering your thotz on a lot of my headcanons and other shit too because you’d think witnessing the bs I do irl would be enough to last you a lifetime 😹🤟 Ily and message me on ig or discord when u see this pp

And thanks to my other irl friends Emma (who doesn’t have Tumblr) and Yoshi (who doesn’t watch Haikyuu - lame ik 👎 - but has Tumblr and posts sexc art so check him out but don’t tell him I sent u or anything!! @/ashr00m) for not really knowing what I do here but being supportive nonetheless and inspiring a LOT of my text scenarios and being my best friends or whateveuh 👁👅👁 I’ll text them a proprer thank you in the gc and remind them that I love them too because it’s soft on main hrs too apparently 🙀

— to my wifeys (poly 🥰)

@tendouthighs; Codie, you were my first friend on tumblr and I want to take the time to thank you for posting that you were open to making friends here because without that I might not have ever gotten the courage to slide into your dms 🙈 You always brighten my day and your text scenarios are EVERYTHING, ily lovely! 💜

@pyblos; Lyra, you’re the Iwaizumi to my Oikawa, my wife in our very extensive reverse harem, and have been one of the most prominent people during my weird tumblr journey. You’ve been here since the early days of my blog and have been a constant source of love and support, I’m so glad to have met you and you’re so talented!! 😚💕(even if u bring out the 🔪 every once in a while HAHA) ilysm bb 🤍

@yeskoushi; Shan my babygork 😻🥺 we may have only started interacting recently but you’re so funny, kind, and talented. Not only is your writing top tier, your entire blog is pretty too just like you (insert the ur so sexy aha ha ha meme face here🥴) Never hesitate to reach out to me okay? Sending you good luck for sch and ily and imy 😿💕

— to my beautiful bbs!

@sneezefiction; Gracie, words can’t begin to describe how beautiful you are inside and out. Ilysm, I’m in awe with all you do - your fics and headcanons always make me soft, as if I’m being enveloped in a warm hug :,)) Thank you for also being here since my blog’s early days and most importantly for being you, and I’m so happy we met 💙

@baeshijima; Sophie!! We’ve only recently started talking as well but ilysm 🥰 I can’t thank you enough for being such a blessing and always remember that you deserve all of the kindness you give out x1000! I hope we get to know each other better and make sure you’re taking care of yourself 🥺💖

@heyhinata; Cal bb we also have only started interacting recently but omg ily and would fight anyone and anything for you, you’re so precious and funny how do you do it 😾💕 I’m vv glad we met and I’m so excited for your future works!!

@astereim; Rein, Mareina supremacy amirite 😼 SHFJAKDJ okay but honestly you’ve been one of the easiest people to talk to right from the start and also your writing is i m m a c u l a t e, I admire your characterization and dialogue sm and ily :,) 💙

@softforsaeko; Joy, ily ❤️ and I still don’t know how you can perfectly embody the word joy. Every time I see you on my dash I let out the most obnoxious cackles because you’re HILARIOUS (Fun fact my irl who has tumblr says that he’s also started immediately thinking of you when he sees Saeko, can’t wait for you guys to get married!!)

@agaassi @visaintes @miki-snake @drabblily @oii-sugasan @lcnelyinthesky @bearri-main @ranojiroa-san @ukaiscigarette @strawberrii-milktea @murdereddaydreams @keichan @bellesowl @fvrcore @noya-sannnn

I was scared to talk in the server when I first joined (I’m a pussy ik 😿) but I can say with confidence that I don’t regret it because I got to meet all of you wonderful and talented people. To everyone I’ve had the chance to talk to, thank you for making me laugh sm and ily!! And to everyone else in the server I haven’t interacted with yet, ilyt you’re all so sweet and I hope to get to know you better in the future 🤍

And thank you to @inloveinc @sa-suga @tsukkiscookies @cherryonigiri @oikawas-wh-re @tsuumu @haijme @honeykaashi @mirajanestrauss1999 @tris-does-stuff @sunnsflower @sleepykarabou @ksyescribe I hope we can to get to know each other better as well, ily, and please make sure you’re taking care of your beautiful + talented selves <3 This all applies to my new mutuals too !!

— to my inspirations!

@90s-belladonna @the-broken-halo-writer @indigohitoshi; Aixa, Corey and Issa, all three of you inspired me to make my own blog with your SMAUs and written works 🥺 I would like to thank you all sm for sharing your works and know that you’re all amazing !!💕

@sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock; Lin and Lola, I’m still dumbfounded that you both follow me tbh LMAO. You were both some of the first haikyuu blogs I followed and you always crack me up with your posts, rlly some of the coolest people on here. I adore you and wishing you the best in everything you do! 🥰

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: mutuals 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: miyoshi kazunari/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 1.9k words, 2 images

𝐚𝐧: me? back w/ fluff? it’s expected at this point! his speech is hard for me to replicate, but I rly do love Kazunari so I hope I did this scenario justice! I, uh, got too excited at the prospect of “insta mutuals” oops~ hope you don’t mind the additional media TT

The Insta notification that popped up on the top of your screen distracted you from the game you were playing. Normally you’d flick the notif away, but as soon as you realised what it was about, you rushed to finish the rest of the stage.

You and Kazunari have been Insta Mutuals for nearly a year now, ever since he hit you with a follow and you proceeded to stalk his readily-available socials. 

The two of you had been liking and commenting on each others’ posts for weeks on end, starting off with you praising his most recent graphic design work to him sending a paragraph of heart emojis on the most recent fan art you drew.

Somewhere in between following each others’ spam accounts to tagging each other on Insta story games, he finally slid into your DMs and the rest was history. Sort of.

You knew what people said about online dating, or even just long distance relationships in general, but try as you might it was hard not to fall for Kazunari.

The more you talked to him, the less he stayed as your “funny artist mutual” and soon enough he progressed into the “still funny but also really sweet and cute artist online friend, 10/10 would date if asked” category.

You didn’t bother stifling your laugh as you looked at the message he sent you, immediately liking his selfie before saving it on your phone.

Okay, no. He can’t just hit you with an “I do wanna meet u already” and then take it back but not fully commit to it!

You waited for him to respond through text, but instead got hit by your ringtone blaring loudly at such an ungodly hour. At the sight of your contact nickname for him, you eagerly answered his call. You rushed to get the first word in, him doing the same unbeknownst to you.

“Kazu-“

“Babe, I-“

The both of you paused, his eventual laughter easing up your tension as you let out a giggle of your own. You mentally told yourself not to be so nervous— Kazunari and you would have this conversation eventually anyway; besides, it wasn’t as if you didn’t want to see him in person. It was quite the opposite, actually. You just figured that conversations like this needed to happen in call, at least.

“Shoot, should probs shut up so Mukkun doesn’t wake up,” Kazunari commented, his voice volume already lowered, “do you wanna go first?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you replied with resolve. You gathered up your thoughts, formulating the next set of sentences that would leave your mouth, before ultimately deciding on one question. “I just need to know first… how serious were you about meeting up irl?”

“I mean, that wasn’t what I meant when I sent the message? But like, it’s still valid, you know?” he paused, but when you didn’t say anything he decided to continue, “it’s not the first time I’ve thought about meeting you. I think about it a lot, actually.”

It was a bit of a shame the two of you chose to voice call instead of video call. You would’ve loved to see your boyfriend’s face just about now, though you supposed it wouldn’t be a good idea to have a heart attack a quarter to 4 in the morning.

Plus, you weren’t sure you could handle him teasing and throwing compliments at you due to your clearly visible elation, if the upwards stretch of your lips was anything to go by.

“Babe? You still there? Did you pass out, or…” In reality it had only been a few seconds, but still you didn’t want to leave him hanging. Not when the two of you were talking about something that meant taking the next step in your relationship.

“I’m still here, Kazu,” you reassured him. Your voice shook slightly, a sliver of your excitement slipping through the cracks. “I’m the same. Like, no lie I was shocked we brought it up like this, but, um… I’m ready, and if you’re ready, too, I want to meet up with you.”

“Wait, wait, wait— hol’ up! So we’re finally going—“ he laughed for the second time tonight, a fuzzy-wuzzy warmth escaping as its sound equivalent. “Wahh! Of course I’m ready! Can’t wait to finally see what a cutie you are irl♪ Hngg, how am I supposed to sleep now? I’m too hyped up!”

You rolled your eyes, despite understanding exactly how he felt. His infectious cheerfulness amplified the blossoming commotion occurring inside your brain. Despite not making any official plans yet, the prospect of finally meeting up had you frenzied.

Still, one of you had to be at least slightly responsible. While you wouldn’t claim to know his daily schedule, if Veludo Arts was anything like your university, he should be as swamped with workload as you were. Actually, maybe that was the reason he was up so late? That’s how it was for you, anyway excluding the fact that you took a break to stamina clear.

“It’s nearly 4 am… do you wanna continue planning this tomorrow? Err, rather, in a couple hours? After our lectures end, maybe?” You asked, though by the tiny whine Kazunari let out you had a feeling he wasn’t going to agree so quickly.

“Ehh? Why don’t we do it now? I have so many ideas about where we could go, and what we could do… oh! I could introduce you to everyone in Mankai! I’m sure they’d love-“

“I’d love to meet them too,” you cut him off, tone as firm as you could manage at this time, “and I want to hear your ideas, really, but I just know if I let you keep talking the sun will rise before we’ve even decided on a date.”

You chuckled as Kazunari let out a sound of protest, though you had a feeling he knew you weren’t wrong about your assessment. “Zuzu~ Let’s go to sleep now, okay?”

His phone microphone picked up on an audible gasp. “Ehh, how come you rarely call me Zuzu? It’s cute when you say it!”

“Because it sounds like a nickname you’d give to a Pokemon!”

“Uwu, maybe I’ll get Itarun to lend me a copy? Then I’ll catch the cutest Pokemon and name it after you~” you nearly groaned at how fluffy he was being. Seriously, he was distracting you from your agenda of going to sleep!

“Kazu! Stop flirting with me at 4 am or we might not fall asleep!”

Though you couldn’t see him, you were 200% sure he had a wide grin plastered on his face right now. “Me? Using tactics to get you to keep talking with me? Never,” he claimed, professing his false innocence.

“Well, I’m not falling for it! I may not be able to physically tuck you in bed right now, but I can in spirit!”

“Oh!? Then can you give me a goodnight kiss in spirit, too?”

At this point, you were sure that even with just a poke on the cheek you’d be able to feel the heat beginning to envelop your face.

As Kazunari finished laughing, you let the quiet lull of the night seep in the conversation for a few moments before gently breaking it.

“I’d rather give you a kiss irl, though.”

And just like that, you claimed victory over the game he started. With how Kazunari sputtered, a part of you worried that he’d disturb his roommate’s slumber. Still, an even bigger part of you was smug to have him speechless for that much of a duration.

“Babeeeee,” he drawled, “you’re so, so, so unfair… I, like, really want to hold you tight right now…” he murmured, the rustle of his bedsheets discernible through the call. You found yourself nestling onto your bed, too, snuggling up to a soft pillow.

“Soon,” you suddenly yawned, your tiredness seeming to have settled in the comfier you got on the bed. “We’ll have a lot of time to plan tomorrow and the days after, yeah?”

Kazunari let out a hum in agreement, a comfortable silence following suit.

“Kazu?” You muttered quietly, careful not to disturb your peaceful atmosphere.

“Yeah?”

“I love you. Good night,” you said, heart aflutter as you heard his response.

“I love you, too, cutie~ sweet dreams♪” he said in an unbelievably soft tone, before ending the call.

After quickly connecting your phone to a charger, you fell back atop your bed and hugged your pillow tight, already anticipating the day you’d be able to hold Kazunari in your arms, and you in his.

…

Morning come, you hastily prepared for class as you always did. You fell into your usual routine— as soon as you were out of the bathroom, you selected an outfit and went over the things you needed to bring to uni today.

You stopped for a minute; taking a quick selfie to post on your story and emphasise your exhaustion to your close friends, before making yourself some breakfast. Within less than 5 minutes, your phone pinged— a recorded message from one of your favourite people this early in the morning.

"Mornin' piko☆ You're looking cute as always today♪”

There was no way you would admit to how many times you replayed it to Kazunari, but even so it was a good way to keep you positive for the rest of the day.

You don’t remember Veludo Way being this rowdy, though it was hard to trust your memory when it’s probably been years since you’ve last visited. Somehow, it was not tough to imagine Kazunari walking around and performing here— the liveliness of the streets difficult to not associate with one of the liveliest people you knew.

While the original plan was to meet up at a cute and trendy cafe you saw all over people’s SNS, the two of you agreed to meet up somewhere less crowded and more meaningful to him— the theatre which he’d performed at multiple times in the past.

As you saw the building from a distance, you wondered when you’d be able to see him on stage, too.

A shout of your name pulled you out of your thoughts, and you couldn’t help yourself from running over to meet up faster with the figure that was jumping and waving around in your direction.

Had you any sense left, you probably would have told him that you didn’t want him embarrassing himself in public, but in reality it was quite apparent that you were just as excited to finally see him in person.

“Kazunari!” you can’t help the little shriek you let out as you finally embrace him, only joyous laughter and each others’ names escaping the both of your lips. When you finally got a good look at Kazunari, you nearly wanted to bury yourself into his shirt again.

Everything still seemed so unbelievable. That this was real. That it was finally happening. It almost felt like the dreams you’ve had of this moment many times before.

“How are you so beautiful in person, too?! It’s totes like I’m falling in love with you again♪” Kazunari exclaimed, squeezing you one more time before finally settling on holding hands with you. “Ahh! I super, duper love you!”

Except it wasn’t. There was nothing imaginary about his warmth, and the way his words made you feel, and the beaming sunshine of a smile he aimed at you.

“I love you, too!”

want to order again?

[ablednt]

unsure if we asked already so, sorry, but - how long did it take u to tell anyone u were a system? including online friends… like from the time u first started figuring things out. we’re struggling with whether to tell a close friend…

Okay so for us we actually told quite a few people basically immediately (the moment we made contact with another headmate after some other systems walked us through everything)

We thought we could trust our friend group at the time even though they were primarily singlet because there was one system in the group already.

This was a HUGE MISTAKE!!!!! The ableism I faced as a result genuinely traumatized me to a point that I cannot describe and the only friends in that group I mantained were other systems who found out after I did and had a similar enough experience to me they didn't think I was faking (friend group unbeknownst to me, who knew very little about syscourse at the time, was full of sysmeds so these mostly singlets were ripping into me for having fictives at all and using plural kit while cocon with other headmates. Yeah it's ridiculous.)

After that to tell anyone else in my life it took a long time, even for singlet friends who were much closer and more trusted than this friend group who I'd cherished for many years I was terrified of being rejected by and fakeclaimed. It took I think 3-5 more agonizing months before I could tell the two close singlet friends I have (they were and are very confused about it I think but are accepting so that's good enough for me)

Then after about a year and a half? The bodys mom was getting into spirituality and the like and since on top of being disordered we're a spiritual system I saw an opportunity to describe systemhood in a none pathologized way and this worked out in my favor. I wouldn't exactly call the family accepting (I told them to treat me like I'm singlet bc they'll die if they're inconvenienced by me even slightly) but it was a HUGE step because I genuinely thought before this point if I'd ever let them catch on we were plural they'd try to physically harm me because of ableist comments they'd made in the past.

Nowadays I'm out to everyone online (not irl tho but i have no irl friends or contacts atm really) and even then I really don't have more than a few singlet friends because it is the sad truth the most singlets avoid systems who refuse to minimize their systemhood to be more palatable.

Being out comes at the price of making many friends but for me this was more freeing than anything because now I don't waste my time on people who won't respect us. But it's fully up to you if that's what you want.

But yeah it's a HUGE decision to come out as a system to anyone and unless you want to just weed out any ableists in one go I suggest you take it real slow and look for opportunitys to segway into it in a way that puts people at ease like I did with the mom.

And it's also okay if you never want to come out, if it doesn't bother you + your headmates then ypu don't owe anyone shit you can live life around others as a singlet and not have to worry about it. Only if that's what you want though, don't pressure yourselves into that because you're worried.

About your worries with a friend in addition to finding an opportune moment for it, I suggest testing the waters by introducing plurality as a concept divorced from you first. Talk about a friend who's plural (if you don't have any who are out you can make one up or you have permission to call us a friend and talk about us.) Or be like "I found out about this cool thing from (you can list any open plural here really like again my blog or another blog on here or if you want something a little more medicalized but still inclusive there's the rings system on YouTube/twitter etc. Just avoid anyone into syscourse or any sysmeds even if you're a disordered system because they actively recruit singlets and turn them against even the most standard of DID/OSDD systems lmao) or something like that to gauge their reaction and get a taste of how they might treat you.

[sparkles-and-trash]

My fav 3 versions/interpretations of South Park characters thing!

I’m so sorry this took much longer than anticipated, I was gonna do it Friday but then I had a panic attack for the first time in forever because my CFS have been real bad lately and I was in such bad shape my BFF had to come and smack me back to life, and Sunday was suddenly full on breakdown day, a bad BPD episode and yeah, it was rough, but today I’m doing better and I realize nobody really cares about my personal issues lol but I just have a need to excuse myself here and I realize that’s kinda dumb but here we are ANYWAYS I hope these are okay, and that these are in no way the RIGHT interpretations, just my personal favorites! 

Kyle:

suggested by the wonderful  @otherluces <3

#1 

I’m not gonna lie, I love nerdy, preppy Kyle. Sweater-vests, collard shirts, doesn’t realize how attractive he is Kyle, oblivious to people having crushes on him Kyle, set on Harvard to become a lawyer and fight for justice and argue for a living, yanno? 

#2 

I also really like the more dorky and nerdy Kyle, where he has really niché interests that he gets totally invested in and talks about 24/7, loves reading and studying, but not just to get good results, but because he genuinly enjoys it.

#3

The last version I can think of with him, is the tall, lanky and kinda hard to read Kyle. He keeps a lot of his feelings to himself, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them. He plays basketball, he’s good at it too, and while he does well in school and everyone expects him to go into law, he has some totally different dream he keeps to himself for now. He kinda perks up a bit when in smaller crowds, esp with his cloest friends, but he still carries a lot of secrets that some time needs to come out.

Tweek:

suggested by my new fren  @soft-craig-and-tweek ^^

I like Tweek in so many ways these were hard to pick, but I’mma try to narrow it down a bit and not go totally off haha

#1

I actually quite enjoy the jagged, tired Tweek, the one who with help from friends and family manage to get off the meth his parents feed him secretly, but who still struggle with withdrawal, dark bags under his eyes, kinda pale and with sharp features, but he’s still a sweet and kind boy, a boy who wants to make the right choices and change the world to a better place, but who still has a darkness he carries, and the fact that he never gives up that fight is what makes him so special 

#2

and okay I have to be honest, I do love myself some sunshine boy Tweek. This Tweek still has issues, he is maybe even more anxious than the last one, but he’s also just as vibrant and energetic as he is anxious! He is an artist, he paints with bright colors, he composes beautiful, hopeful melodies, he feels everything so much,  and he is a contagious and exciting person to be around. Cannot dress for the life of him. So much mis-match and odd outfits, but it kinda works? 

#3

The last one I’m gonna mention for this wonderful boy, is the more alternative Tweek. He writes obscure poetry, he watches too many conspiracy theory videos on youtube, he draws the monsters in his mind, and he writes the scariest, most hauntingly beautiful stories on the internet, and people online love him. He has no idea how to deal with being popular in that sense, because irl he is the type to not belong to a certain friend group, but he does go along well with most people on a surface level. Dark circles, shaky hands, crooked and cute smiles, baggy t-shirts and ripped jeans. When he first opens up to someone, he really, really does, and he will always support and be there for you. If you deserve it, that is. 

Nichole: 

also suggested by  @soft-craig-and-tweek <3 

#1

I love nerdy Nichole who isn’t afraid to show it! Maybe she’s a streamer or youtube gamer even, I can def see her writing fanfiction, and being hella good at it too! Makes quite a name for herself online, and hangs out with the boys a lot irl, has game nights with the boys from Board Girls (even Cartman sometimes), is funny in a sarcastic way, but never mean. 

#2

Popular girl Nichole is also a favorite for me, but not in the “classical” sense. I imagine her to be a sporty, maybe on both the basket and volleyball team, captain for the basket one, she’s a born leader, she’s kind and fair, but can also be strict, and people always trust her to be honest and true.  

#3

Artsy Nichole!! I imagine her in bright yellow dresses and with her hair flowing and free, with flowers in her hair, freckles on her face, a big, genuine smile, a loud laughter that is so contagious, she loves spending time with Jimmy because they have a very similar humor, and she’s a theater kid, she sings like an angel and can act, oh boy can she act, she can make anyone laugh or cry in just a blink of an eye, she’s just a human sun-ray and I love her a lot 

Butters: 

suggested by @kinguidamundo, thank you so much!! 

#1

I love edgy Butters soooo much??? Like, he’s still a kind and bright boy, but he can also stand up for himself a lot more, he likes fashion a lot, he gets tattoos and piercings, he explores tons of ways to express himself, he’s a yes-dude, he goes out on dates a lot, but isn’t ready for a “real” relationship yet, but he enjoys meeting people and testing out himself around different types of people! Also he is a bi icon change my mind jk u can’t 

#2

I have a weak spot for the kind of soft and timid looking Butters too, who wears pastel colors and have big, innocent eyes, he is genuine and kind, but he carries something darker inside, something he isn’t sure how to deal with, something that scares him, but in reality it’s just normal feelings, anger, resentment and fear, but he’s lived his life ignoring them so much they catch him off guard at times. He learns to live with them slowly, and he does so with lots of help and patience from friends and loved ones. 

#3

Okay, last one, totally self-indulging here, but yeah, happy sunflower boy is also a big favorite. He is more confident than the previous version, but in a gullible way if that makes any sense? He believes the best in people, and if he is proven wrong, he’s willing to try to help them become better people, if they want to or not! This is honestly the version I love most with Stan, Butters being the ray of sunshine in Stan’s life and Stan being the realism to keep Butters grounded and them both supporting each other so much? Fuck yeah that’s the good stuff. 

Clyde:

suggested by @horrorpumpkin, ty sm friend! <3 

#1

Himbo Clyde!!! Jock dude who genuinely loves sports, he’s a team player, and while he might not be super intellectual, he is very socially smart, he is kind and empathic, he is funny and likable, he always tries his best to make everyone feel included, and while he loves chicks a lot, and is a sexual dude, he does it with nothing but respect and admiration for the ladies! 

#2

Bisexual disaster Clydeeee <3 obv being bi isn’t a personality trait, but he is very open about it, he wants to be confident and good at flirting, but goddamn is he a MESS! He’s also a huge supporter of every single relationship his friends is in, he loves love, in all shapes and forms, he is emotional and kind and awkward in an endearing way. 

#3

Can’t leave out crybaby Clyde, can we now? He’s a bit of an awkward bean as well, but he owns it a bit more. He is kinda like a puppy, a cute, excitable and emotional puppy who loves his friends, video games and lazy movie nights, kinda chubby, he loves baking and does it a lot with Tweek, he is also a huge nerd for Harry Potter and totally geek out over it with Kyle and Nichole sdhlksgdhl

Kenny: 

suggested by anon! 

#1

First up I guess I should put my high school AU Kenny. I know it’s controversial, but I imagine this Kenny to be more on the quiet side, but not really in a shy way. He’s just a bit of an observer who doesn’t speak unless he really sees fit, and while he still has his crude humor and is kinda rumored to be sleeping around a lot, he actually struggle with intimacy issues. He never imagined them to include sexual stuff, but turns out they do, and balancing being sexually open and curious and having these issues ain’t easy on the boy, let me tell you that. 

#2

This one is kinda heavily inspired by Luces, but I love him as kind and loyal, but also a bit more chatty and charming, but not for his own gain. He wants others to feel good about themselves, in social settings, his friends, during sexy times, he is selfless and good, but he is also living for the moment, he is a likable and wonderful guy, but he does still only REALLY open up emotionally to people he really trusts. Not traditionally attractive, but interesting looking in a way. Lots of freckles, bit of buck teeth with a big gap between his front teeth, messy kinda curly hair, long straight nose. Always wears baggy hoodies and worn out jeans, shrugs and gives that lopsided smile when people ask him about anything personal.

#3

Mysterious Kennyyyy. You think you know him, everyone does, but in reality, very few have seen the real him. He likes people, and he likes to help them, he’s always down to listen to people’s problems and help them, he wants to inspire kids like himself to never give up and think there’s only one path for them, because he knows there is not. Volunteers at the animal shelter with Stan, works part time at Tweek Bro’s and is good buddies with Tweek. Had a early sexual debut, slept around a bit and got his heart broken unexpectedly when he was a Freshman, so there are some walls there now, but he ain’t usually one to turn down someone who’s up for it and whom with he has good chemistry either. 

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.