#i meant to post this awhile ago but yeah why is he here. im not complaining actually bc hes very pretty so more vholran content for me

[zeadrous]

why is he here.

[suqarshaxx]

a shaxx mini story cause i’m love h*rny

red text = shaxx talking :>

— exhaustion

“i understand zavala, and i’ll follow your orders but i seriously think we need to think of taking a stealthier approach. send me and two other highly skilled stealth guardians and we’ll get it done.” zavala looked at you like you were stupid. “i’m not sending only three guardians in with no true insight of the ship layout. i’ll bring up your idea with the vanguard but that could take more weeks. we have no idea what we’re up against and i want to know before i go sending three of my most skilled guardians into a blind zone.” *sigh* you’re too tired for this. “you have a point sir. i’ll let you get back to your work.” you left zavala’s office with your head up...until you heard the office doors close. “finally” you sigh, letting your head fall. see, life has gotten a lot more frustrating and exhausting. since cayde died you’ve been incredibly lonely. it was hard accepting he was really gone.

you picked up other activities to get away from it. crucible was the one to take up most of your time, and, it was a positive. you were becoming closer to shaxx and it had probably been the first week in awhile you hadn’t felt completely lonely. he was great at distracting you from what happened. as you were making your way up the stairs you stopped by banshee’s setup to talk for a bit. unluckily, a lot of guardians were also there so that meant no banshee time. but, its not the end of the world. you kept walking and gave master rahool a polite greeting as you past by. you start making your way towards shaxx when you see he was talking to another guardian. by the looks of shaxx’s body language, he seemed to be trying to explain something to the young one. you respect shaxx and his students so you just stood off to the side waiting.

he notices you and quickly dismisses the other guardian. you start walking over towards him while shaking your head and smiling. “shaxx you didn’t have to send that guardian off i was fine wai-“ shaxx cut you off swiftly. “guardian? what are you doing here?” his voice sounding concerned. “what are you talking about?” i wanted to see you, and what bounties you’re offering.” your look went from happy to puzzled very quickly. “y/n...” shaxx lightly grabs your arm to pull you off to the side. “how long has it been?” this is starting to get odd. “shaxx what are you talking about?” what’s his deal? “have you seen your eyes y/n? they’re hollow black. you can tell you haven’t been sleeping. so, how long has it been since you actually slept?” you sigh. someone had to say something. someone always, has to say something. “shaxx, im alright. ikora asked me to help out with some extra paperwork a few days ago and it was a lot so i just stayed up for a couple of days and haven’t had the option to rest yet. it’s only my third day and trust me i plan on sleeping tonight.” you said with a faint smile. “you haven’t spoken to her in weeks. you even told me that.” now it’s awkward. shaxx crossed his arms, “you can’t lie to me about this. now please, let me take you home so you can rest.” his voice was so sad and soft. “the last thing i’d need is for you to get hurt in crucible fights because you cant stand up right.” he lightly said under his breath. as much as you hated it, he was right. what good are you to anyone if you can barely function? “okay, i promise i’ll rest but don’t feel the need to walk me home. i know i’m a bit wobbly but if you have work to do, i’m not gonna keep you from it. i can still walk myself home.” “not a chance, i wanna make sure you actually fall asleep.” you could tell he really cared about you. “just give me a few moments to gather my things.”

the walk was very silent but wasn’t ever awkward. the exhaustion was always with you but knowing you grew closer and closer to a bed made that tired feeling way worse. as you and shaxx were walking you held hands. sorta-ish? you held onto two of his fingers. the index and middle one. shaxx didn’t seem to mind it and neither did you so no one said anything about it.

as the two of you approached your home you started getting tense. sure everyone could tell you weren’t sleeping but no one knew you weren’t even staying in your own home. those damn memories of cayde flood your head every time you’re inside. truthfully, it was scary. never knowing if it’s going to be a happy memory or him taking his final breaths terrifies you. obviously to the point where you can’t even sleep in your own home. shaxx could tell you were tense considering once you got closer and closer, you didn’t realize but you were tightly gripping his fingers now. “guardian? are you alright?” you couldn’t shift your gaze from the home but still replied. “yes i’m alright, thank you for bringing me home.” a minute of silence passed before you broke it and looked over at shaxx. “if you’d like you can come in, grab a drink rest for a few minutes and then get back to the crucible.” “ah i finally get to see how one of my best players lives?” you know he said that with a smirk across his face. you couldn’t help but chuckle a bit.

you two entered your house and you offered to make some tea, which shaxx politely declined. he wanted the tea but you could tell he wanted you to rest more. “is there anything i can do to make you more comfortable? you’ve seemed very tense since we’ve got here.” should you tell him? should you not tell him? you’ve always kept to yourself but it’s like be makes it impossible for you not to share. he feels like the only one you don’t have to lie to. “shaxx, i have to be honest. the last time i slept was here, and the last time i’ve been here was almost a month ago.” you couldn’t directly look him in the eyes but could feel him looking down at you. “why didn’t you say anything sooner?” pride i guess... “i’m not sure, i thought maybe i could handle myself but i just ended up running away from it.” a singular sigh left shaxx’s mouth. “alright then, come on.” you were confused. “what do you mean? come where?” “your mattress y/n. you obviously are having trouble sleeping because of your nightmares, and i’m sure not having someone here either to comfort you isn’t helpful. so i’ll stay with you for the rest of the day that way if you do have a nightmare, you have someone to help you.” wow.. “shaxx, that’s incredibly nice and i truly appreciate it but i couldn’t ask you to do that. you still have the crucible to run and bounties to sell and guardians to teach and-“ shaxx cut you off before you continued to ramble on. “it’s alright, ive already worked things out to take the rest of the day off. the crucible can wait guardian, you can’t.” “are you sure?” “i’m positive, now! you must go rest!” he said in his “crucible” voice. you couldn’t help but giggle. as different as it was, shaxx did make you feel less lonely. maybe it’s time to accept that while cayde might be gone physically, it doesn’t mean you have to stop cherishing him through memories. maybe it’s a new path forward. “thank you shaxx, i greatly appreciate it.” you gave him a hug and asked if he needed anything else before going to bed. he simply shook his head and made a resting gesture. you smiled and went to your bedroom. you couldn’t deny that you felt very nervous but you just trusted your gut that if anything happened shaxx would be there, and hopefully, he’d still be there when you awoke.

—————————

ok hi so uhh a/n i did NOT expect to write this long and much so yeah! i hope you enjoy and this is my first time *publicly* writing and posting a fic so i hope you enjoy :>

[commanderawkward]

Heartache (Dabi x reader/ Bakugou x reader)

This is for @savnofilter, I saw the post about wanting an angst fic based on the song slow dancing in the dark by JOJI and I decided to give it a shot. This is my first time trying to write this sort of stuff and it was written on my phone so my apologies in advance 😅

----------------------------------------------------------

Don't want a friend (just me)

I want my life in two (my life in two)

Just one more night

Waiting to get there

Waiting for you (all night)

I'm done fighting all night (waiting for you)

Glancing at your watch for the 4th time that night you sighed, avoiding the sympathetic glance the waiter had given you. Paying the bill for the bottle of wine you had downed you grabbed what was left and stubbled out the door of the restaurant. Glancing around the busy street you caught your reflection in the restaurant window, the makeup you had spent a lot of time doing was now ruined as tears littered your cheeks, your perfectly curled hair had now lost their curl and your body ached in the tight fitting dress and heels Dabi once adored on you. Taking another swig from the bottle of wine in your hand you stubbled down the street in search of the nearest pub hoping to drown your sorrows.

When I'm around slow dancing in the dark

Don't follow me, you'll end up in my arms

You have made up your mind

I don't need no more signs

Can you?

Can you?

"(Y/N)? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

Turning around from your place on the barstool you came face to face with your dark haired boyfriend. Glancing behind him you noticed he was accompanied by his league of villain friends. Frowning you grabbed your purse and made a beeline for the door.

"(Y/N)! Where the fuck are you going?" You heard him hiss as he grabbed your wrist and turned you to look at him. It was only under the light of the street lamps that he noticed your smudged mascara and red puffy eyes. "Hey, what happened? Did some asshole hurt you? Why the fuck are you crying?" He spoke as he grabbed you by the shoulders and leaned down to your level, eyebrows furrowed.

"You forgot about me" you said choking back tears, you were never good at keeping your emotions at bay when drunk. Suddenly Dabi felt a pang of guilt as he remembered about the date you had been planning for the past week. "Fuck! Was that tonight? I'm sorry I got caught up with all this shit happening with the league and-"

"I don't want your fucking excuses Dabi! This is the third time this month, I'm sick of being stood up, I'm sick of not seeing for days on end without any type of contact, I'm sick of being the only one trying to make this work!" You sobbed, breaking out of his grip you wiped your tears away. "I was so fucking stupid, I should have noticed the signs earlier. It's over Dabi..."

Give me reasons we should be complete

You should be with him, I can't compete

You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well

It had been two weeks since you last saw Dabi. Two weeks since you stumbled into a cab and watched his shocked face as you drove away. In two weeks he hadn't tried contacting you and you knew it was over for good.

"All I'm saying is that guy is a total asshole! He didn't deserve you! Look, I know you don't want to think about it right now but I really think you should put yourself back out there. I have a friend I can set you up with! He's a bit of a hothead but he'll warm up to you quickly I'm sure of it!" Mina exclaimed hugging a pillow to her chest. She was spending the night at your apartment for your regular girls night. You let out a deep sigh "Mina... I really don't know if I'm ready-" " Too bad, I may or may not have already set up a date for the two of you tomorrow." She said with a cheeky grin, cutting you off mid sentence.

"I-... You know what? Fuck it, when's the date and what's his name?" You responded. Dabi had made it clear he didn't want anything to do with you, screw him! You deserved to find someone who actually appreciated you. Mina squealed and shoved her phone in your face "his name is Bakugou Katsuki, I went to school with him. I'll text him and let you know you said yes!". Glancing at the man in the picture you had to admit, this Bakugou guy was pretty attractive but a part of you couldn't help the sinking feeling as the thought of Dabi still lingered in the back of your mind.

Looking in the mirror you admired your outfit, today was your date with Bakugou and you had opted for a simple white sundress and tan sandals. Mina had insisted she did your makeup and straightened your hair. "You look smoking girl! Bakugou is going to love you!" Mina told you admiring her work, "shit- you should get going or you'll be late, I'll lock up". Looking at your watch you gasped, grabbing your keys and your purse before you ran out the door while shouting a quick thank you to Mina.

Stepping out of your car you looked at the cafe nervously, it had been awhile since you had been on a real date. Walking inside you glanced around the room looking for your date. A sudden hand on your shoulder made you jump as you let out a squeak in surprise. "(Y/N) right? Mina's friend?" You heard a deep voice ask you. Turning around you came face to face with the blonde boy you recognised as Bakugou. "Uh- yes that's me, im sorry if Mina forced you into this" you said followed by an awkward laugh. "Tsk... she's been trying to set me up with extras since highschool but I've never seen her as determined about it until she mentioned you" he grumbled, taking his hand off your shoulder and shoving it in his pocket. You studied his face and noticed the faint blush that covered his cheeks and noticed the tips of his ears had turned red. "Should we grab a booth and order?" You said offering him a small smile.

As Bakugou went to order for the both of you, you sat patiently, peering out the window of the cafe. Suddenly you felt your heart drop to your stomach as your eyes met a familiar pair of turquoise ones. It was the first time you had seen Dabi since your fight. Your thoughts were interrupted as Bakugou returned with two milkshakes and you offered him a smile trying to shake of the feeling in your gut.

From the outside Dabi stood there frozen as he observed you with another man. He hadn't expected you to move on so quickly and the thought of you with another man left a sour taste in his mouth. The way you looked at him made his stomach drop, it was as though he was a stranger to you. It was probably for the best, he told himself. He was a villain and you deserved so much more than him. He would never be able to give you the life you always wanted and he had to accept you were no longer his. He glanced at your small frame through the cafe window before catching up with Twice and Toga with a strong pang in his chest.

When you gotta run

Just hear my voice in you (my voice in you)

Shutting me out of you (shutting me out of you)

Doing so great (so great, so great)

You

Looking at your shopping list you pushed your trolley around the small grocery store. It had been 3 months since you started dating Bakugou and things were going surprisingly well. Chewing on your lower lip in thought you scanned through the aisles trying to locate the hot sauce Bakugou had asked you to pick up for him. Finally after an almost shameful amount of time searching for it you were able to find it. "(Y/N)...?" You heard a painfully familiar voice question. Turning around, you locked eyes with your ex as his attention turned to the bottle of hot sauce in your hand. "Interesting pick, I thought you always hated spicy food" Dabi mumbled, eyes flicking back to your face. "I- well it's not for me it's for my boyfriend" you stuttered, it felt like your heart was in your throat as shock run through your veins at the sight of him. Dabi's eyes suddenly seemed dull as his expression darkened at the use of the word 'boyfriend'. "Must be doing great then I take it Doll?" Dabi hummed. Your heart tightened at his nickname for you. "Yeah things are good, great I mean... Well I should get going but it was good seeing you Dabi, I hope you're doing well too" you muttered, glancing at him one last time before scurrying off to the checkouts without bothering to grab the rest of your list.

Used to be the one (used to be the one)

To hold you when you fall

Yeah, yeah, yeah (when you fall, when you fall)

I don't fuck with your tone (I don't fuck with your tone)

I don't wanna go home (I don't wanna go home)

Can it be one night?

Can you?

Can you?

"Ready to order babe?"

Peering over the menu, your gaze met Bakugou's. Tonight was your two year anniversary and he had taken you out to dinner at one of the most expensive restaurants in town. Smiling sheepishly your eyes raked the menu again "If I'm being completely honest I'm not even sure what half this stuff is" you said a little embarrassed. Picking a dish you recognised on the menu you both chatted as you waited for your meal. "I was going to wait until after dinner but fuck it" Bakugou said and he stood up and kneeled beside your seat. "(Y/N) I know we've only been dating two years but they've been the best two years of my life. I- fuck, you know I'm bad at expressing my feeling but what I'm trying to say is will you marry me?" Bakugou stuttered, cheeks as red as his best friends hair as he looked up at you nervously. Too shocked to answer him with words, you nodded, letting him slide the diamond ring on your finger as you jumped from your seat to embrace him.

Dabi stood there in shock as he watched the love of his life become engaged to another man at the same restaurant he had meant to have met her all those nights ago. Kicking over a nearby trash can he screamed, letting his emotions out in the empty street. Dabi had spent countless nights unable to dream of anything else but your beautiful face, it haunted him. Seeing you now engaged filled him with rage and sorrow knowing he drove you into another man's arms. Not wanting to go home he dragged himself to a bar and ordered a few shots of whatever would make him forget tonight. Feeling the burning sensation run down his throat he finally broke down at the realisation that soon you would be slow dancing at your wedding while he danced in the dark wishing it was him.

Give me reasons we should be complete

You should be with him, I can't compete

Dark

You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well

Can't you see?

I don't wanna slow dance (I don't want to slow dance)

In the dark

Dark

In the dark

Dark

[cal-puddies]

y/n 'secretly' dating Cal but then in some random interview Mike says 'im sure i have seen y/n and Cal holding hands behind the table while we ate, think they're dating or something' and then the boys keep saying stuff like 'oh, yesterday they barely kiss infront of me'

- I’ve gotta go do this interview, talk to ya in a bit. Cal wrote.

Being away from him was tough. You guys had been together awhile, but no one really knew about it and you both liked it that way. Ash had questioned it once because you were around a lot more and Cal had pretty much stopped third wheeling it with him and Kay Kay, but you both shrugged it off and he dropped it.

He thought you guys were in the clear, no questions asked.

But the interview went incredibly awry when they started asking about significant others. Cal kept quiet, as he always did, and then he got called out.

“Cal, are you seeing anyone special?”

He kinda shrugs and doesn’t offer anything up.

Mikey pipes up, “yeah, I’m sure you guys have seen them, they are together all the time. I’m pretty sure they were holding hands when they had dinner with Crys and I a few weeks ago. He’s always texting her and calling her. Pretty sure they’re together.”

Calum makes a signature what face, and the rest of the guys decide to out you too.

“Yeah, he always brings her when I invite him to dinner with Kay Kay and I.” Ash says.

“I think I’ve seen them kiss.” Luke murmurs.

“I dunno what you guys are talking about.” Cal tries to cover.

“I think she’s really nice and I just wanna make sure you’re giving her what she deserves.” Ash insists.

Cal shrugs. Staying non committal to anything that’s been said.

When they get done with the interview and get in the car, Cal shuts down, he’s pissed.

-miss you darlin, wish I was coming home to you tonight.

-everything ok baby?

“Hey Cal?” Luke asks quietly to the man sitting next to him.

“Fuck off Luke.” He groans, clicking his phone locked, letting it go dark.

“I’m sorry mate.” He whispers.

“It was shitty of all of you to do that. I don’t care who you think you were helping, it sure as shit was not me.” He sneers.

“Thought you just needed a little coaxing, she obviously makes you happy. Why wouldn’t you want to share that.” Michael shrugs.

“Because she likes the anoniminity, and I like letting her have it, because she’s so honest about fucking everything with me, and if I love her and I’m in love with her then we’re the only two people that need to know that.” He sighs. “This is why i dont tell you guys shit about us. You’ll do shit like this. This was totally fuckin uncool. So just let me be so I can figure out how to break it to her that my idiot friends outed us.” He rests his head back against the window.

They stay quiet for the ride back to the hotel and on the elevator, Luke gently nudges him, “it’s not gonna air for a couple days. Maybe take control of it.” He shrugs.

Cal prepares himself. He’s knows youll do everything in your power to make sure he doesn’t see how this effects you. But he needs to call you and discuss this, ask how you wanna handle it.

You pick up the phone, confused because you didn’t think you’d actually talk to him till later.

“Hey bubba.” You answer.

“How’s my love?” He asks.

“Duke’s good. Just gave him some carrots.” You respond.

“I meant you Darlin.” He smirks. “Can we FaceTime?” He asks, “wanna see you.”

So you turn on FaceTime and you can immediately tell something is wrong.

“What’s up Cal?” You ask, looking at him.

“We just had a real shit interview and I need to talk to you about it.”

“What happened?”

“The boys outed us. It doesn’t air for a couple days but they are definitely going to use it, heard it here first type bullshit.” He watches your face fall.

“Oh.” You nod and process. “I see.”

“I tried to play it off, like it was nothing... but they all had something to share.” He explains.

“It’s ok.” You shrug. “I mean I like what we have Cal.” You’re quiet awhile. Cal lets you stew, he doesn’t know exactly what’s going on in your brain and it’s giving him extra anxiety. “What if... have you considered us just outing ourselves? So it’s not news worthy, when it drops?”

“You’d be ok with that?” He asks, looking a little shocked.

“It’s not... ideal.” You shrug. “But I also would rather my life being taken off guard by my own actions.”

“I... can post to insta and Twitter... that pic of me, you and Duke.. cuddling together. From that weekend we spent in San Francisco.” He offers.

“I like that one.” You nod. “Wish we could be together for this.”

“I can fly you out babe. I’d actually really love that.” He admits. “Kinda wanna hold you.”

“Ok.” You agree. Which actually floors Cal, because you never agree to let him do things like this. You watch his face light up as he reaches for his lap top to book you a ticket.

“See you in a few hours babe.” He says before hanging up.

The picture goes up after you’ve boarded the plane, letting Cal out your relationship on your terms.

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi !! idk how long its been (awhile) but long enough that i have scrolling through ur posts that i haven't read bc i don't have an attention span -H (ok but how long has it been i can't tell android mobile doesn't show dates(???) so i can't tell idk how far back to think back in terms of talking abt stuff but neway) (the last ask i sent in was abt the witcher right how long ago was that it seems not that long ago but also forever ago at the same time)

oh yea abt the witcher u said it was on netflix so if i watched it without any other knowledge id be fine right -H (like,, i assume so(??) but i just wanted to check or smth idk)

but !!! neway !!! idk what to say uhhh bts came out with a new song, your eyes tell, for,, a japanese show or smth& its so pretty like

i kinda made a promise with myself not to get into any other groups until i could understand their korean but i also forgot i made that promise until like 2 days ago so for the last week ive been getting into stray kids ! now the next asks will be me rambling abt them just bc. before i got interested in their music the only thing i knew abt them was they did an ok boomer song called gone days they dont actually say ok boomer but it amounts to the same thing& i think that's very iconic of them -H

one of the members felix is apparently bi so !!!! i love him !!!! -H (he never explicitly said it but someone asked what his ideal type was& he asked if they meant for boys or girls& then described both so) (i mean he also might not be i don't wanna assume or anything so im just kinda sitting here& quietly believing while also not at the same time yknow) (also he's so so pretty !!! u could just search up felix stray kids rq& see but he has freckles !! excuse me while i cry !!!!)

theres also chan& i love him !!!! hes got that gives rly good hugs vibe so my only goal in life is for him to hug me pls chan ily. he was recently doing a live& someone asked him what they should do bc theyre on their period or smth& he said "ppl with periods" rather than just "girls" which was !! so nice& inclusive im crying !! -H (also him& felix r from australia so they speak fluent english so this isnt a rough translation or anything !!its just what he said i would die for him !!)

oh !!!!! short pause in my skz rambling bc i forgot to tell u that i cut my hair !!!!!! its like a pixie cut so its rly short& i love it so much !!!!!! now all i need to do is redye it& nobody will ever think im straight again -H (i noticed ive been using a lot of exclamation marks this time around& i have no idea why that is skdjdh)   

yea so stray kids,,,,, they have a performance video for their song boxer& i !! love it !! idk smth abt their dance for it is so like,, bouncy& it's rly fun to watch felix does this spin kick idk what it's called but it's cool as hell. jisungs mannerisms r also amazing& i love changbin there's a part wheres he's in the middle& it's Esp Bouncy& the way he says boxer is so cool felixs is cooler but it's still cool idk i just like the video a lot -H

uhh thats another thing ud need to watch to understand but u dont have to& thats not gonna stop me neway !!!! theres another song i am you where changbin says smth that roughly translates to "its too cold outside to be alone by myself / its warm here, maybe bc ur here"& in the mv the camera zooms out& u see that hes laying with the other members every time i see it i feel like im being punched in the gut bc thats so cute ???? thats so soft wtf is that even allowed ???? pls i love them -H

anyway that concludes my session of infodumping stay tuned later for more of my rambling uhhhh bye ily -H

---------------------------------

I also have no clue how long it’s been because I have NO sense of time lol, so don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to hear from you whenever you come around!!

And yes, you can watch Witcher without ANY background knowledge! Just jump right into the show! That’s what I did lol, I’m only getting into the books and games because I started hyperfixating very strongly, lol. It’s not, like, a requirement, I just really enjoy them (and really any Witcher content lol), so I decided to get into them. But yeah, no background knowledge needed, if you wanna get into it!

That is very iconic of them lol, love that for them. I think I’ve heard of Stray Kids before? But I don’t know much K-pop, I really only know BTS because my younger sibling is really into their music (and I know more about them from you, of course, but I knew about BTS beforehand because of my sibling lol)

I looked up Felix, and yes he is very pretty! But it said “Australian Rapper” on google instead of his band name and that made me laugh lol. And that is very good of Chan!! They both sound very cool, and I hope one day you can hug them!!

Nice nice about the haircut, that is very cool!! What color are you gonna dye it, have you decided yet? I can’t remember what color you had before lol

The bouncy dance song sounds very cool!! I might look it up when I get to my earbuds, if I can remember to! Also, that is very soft and cute, also it’s a mood lol. Me with my friends, honestly. I miss my friends so much. How have you been doing in lockdown? I hope you’ve been doing okay!!

I love your infodumping every time, thank you for sharing with me! I love you too!! Thanks for brightening my day!! <3 <3 <3

[redthreadoffate]

(infinity) days of snow // c. 2 [tom hansen]

a repost, originally posted in my former writing blog

ship: tom hansen x oc

warnings: swearing; edited thrice in a span of…a few minutes so mistakes may be present

notes: i really enjoyed writing this before, super fun

summary: after summer is autumn, .after autumn comes winter. and during winter, there is snow.

(856)

During one of their coffee breaks, Tom notices that she isn’t as lively as usual. “Ava, what’s wrong?” he asks. “Are you having a bad day?”

She shakes her head and takes a sip from her tea, which he should’ve known was the first sign. She only has tea when she’s stressed. “No, it’s just that…my old friend is coming back tonight and we kinda left things in awkward terms.”

“Oh,” is all he says. “What happened?”

“Um…we were close, questions were asked—the question was asked and…um…I declined the offer.” She shrugs. “We never really had much contact after that…because I’m not sure of how it’ll work out so I’m really nervous.”

“It’ll work out,” he encourages. He shouldn’t have. He really shouldn’t have. Because once they’re back in the office, once Tom steps out of the elevator, whispers and chatters could be heard all around him. He asks Butch what’s happening. “Is something wrong?”

“Zachary Williams is coming back, Tom. And we all know what that means,” he smiles, “wedding of the century!”

“What wedding?” he asks. There’s a small smile on his face; he’s never been fond of weddings but he has imagined himself as a groom in more than one occasion.

There are cheers and claps coming from near the door. There’s a sharp-dressed man with dark hair and blue eyes. Handsome. People are shouting “welcome back” to him. The man smiles sheepishly as he acknowledges the ones around him. With careful and confident strides, he stops in front of Tom’s desk.

“Are you Tom Hansen?”

“Uh…yeah. Can I help you?”

“I’m Zack Williams. I heard you’re close to Snow.” There’s a pause and Tom can figure out why. “She isn’t in her office upstairs. Her dad didn’t notice her slip away and her secretary won’t give me proper answers. Would you happen to know where she is?”

Tom shakes his head. She hasn’t IM-ed or texted him. “I’m sorry, no.”

“Oh, I see. I also heard you two have dinner together almost every night,” the man says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, “do you mind if you bring her to Sundae’s Best tonight? The restaurant near the theatres in—”

“Yeah, I know where that is,” Tom cuts him off gently, “and sure, I’ll bring her.”

“Thanks,” Zack smiles, “thanks a lot, Tom.”

“He introduced himself as Zack to you, Tom,” Sasha says as she fans herself with her hand, “that’s big. He must really want you to bring Miss Lanché to Sundae’s Best. He introduces himself as Zachary to everyone who isn’t in the same status.” Butch jokes that Zack could have him murdered if he doesn’t bring Snow to Sundae’s Best. He doesn’t want to take the chance. Zack Williams really looks like someone who could do that.

When he meets up with Snow for dinner, he suggests that they go to Sundae’s Best. She tells him that he doesn’t like the place because it’s too expensive. “Did Zack put you up to this?” she asks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmurs.

“If it was him, you have to tell me, Tom,” she demands, “I don’t know how to answer him yet. I can’t…Tom! Is it Zack?”

“Yes,” he answers, finally, “but you can’t back out now.” They’ve stopped right in front of the store and Zack waves at them from behind the glass door. “What did he ask you, Ava?” She doesn’t answer, instead she takes a deep breath and enters the building. Tom follows and he’s surprised to see some of his co-workers but he sits on one of the stools beside Butch. “What’s happening?”

Sasha appears and begins to squeal. “Oh my god, it’s happening! It’s happening! We’re getting an answer!”

“Who is Zack Williams anyway?” Tom asks.

“Zachary Williams, is only only the heir to the Williams fortune! They own the Kipping Bank!” Sasha replies.

“So I’m no match for him,” he mumbles dully.

Butch turns to him. “You like Miss Lanché?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Tom,” Sasha says in a whisper, rubbing Tom’s shoulder sympathetically. “I…I…well, for what it’s worth,” she begins to bite her lip, “I’ve always thought that Miss Lanché had a thing for you. I think she rather fancies you more than she ever fancied Mr. Williams.”

“That doesn’t boost up my spirit at all, Sasha. And awhile ago you were cheering for him,” Tom reminds her sourly. “Or are you sorry for that, too?”

She frowns. “I was just…they were the power couple, Tom. They’re meant to be together.”

“Save it, Sasha,” Butch snaps, handing Tom a beer. “Drink. It might help.”

Tom rolls his eyes but takes down a huge gulp, not minding the burn that goes down his throat as the liquid passes by.

“Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I’d just like to make a little speech for the most beautiful woman in here.”

It’s Zack and Tom can’t look away from the scene playing in front of him. Snow is standing awkwardly in the middles of the room, facing him, with Zack beside her and looking at her like she’s the best the best thing in the world. And for Tom, he can’t blame Zack because she probably is the best thing in the world.

“Snow, three years ago I asked for your hand in marriage. You didn’t accept because you said you that you needed time. I was heartbroken. But I respected your decision and gave you the space you wanted. So I went ahead to Europe despite being so angry at myself because I haven’t won you over and I just kept wishing that I had you waiting for me here as my future wife. I hope the time we spent apart from each other was enough for you to think…and ask you again. I love you, Snow. I have never stopped loving you. I would think about you every day. You’re amazing. Simply amazing. I’m not telling everyone here our story for sympathy, but I wanted them to hear our journey.” He gets down on one knee, reveals a black velvet box from his vest and asks, “Will you marry me?”

Snow doesn’t reply at first. She looks around her and then, their eyes connect. Her eyes are pleading but Tom doesn’t falter. Looking down at the man, she says, “Yes.”

*~*

(857)

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks her.

Snow had the decency to visit him in his apartment the next day, and he’s not sure whether to be happy or not. He had wanted to talk to her since last night but never had the guts to call her, and he’s also…hurt. It’s like his ex-girlfriends (and not so ex-girlfriend) all over again. Except he and Snow never had a romantic or sexual relationship.

“I didn’t think it was important.”

His voice rises, “I’m your…” and then stops himself, “your best friend. You could have told me you had a boyfriend who’s out of the country.”

“He isn’t my boyfriend,” she corrects.

“Right, he’s your fiancé now.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yes, he was my boyfriend but we took a break when he asked me to marry him because I didn’t feel the connection. I thought that there was someone out there for me. I love Zack, I really do, but not in the same way as…not the same way I love you, Tom.”

“You picked him last night.”

“Because you said you don’t feel the same way!” she snaps. “Why are you so mad? He was also my best friend before but it changed when he left. There was awkwardness and no sense of closure. He asked me to marry him three years ago and I declined.”

“If you knew he was coming back then you should have never told me that you loved me.”

“But I did and I still do! I thought you felt the same way, that’s why I told you. When you told me that you didn’t feel the same way, I didn’t want to tell you about him right away because I didn’t want you to think that you might have just been a scapegoat! And then it just slipped my mind, but I found out that he was coming home earlier than expected and I just panicked.”

“Well I love you!” Tom shouts.

She stands still. “What?”

“I love you,” he repeats. “I love you, Ava! And yes, I admit, this whole argument is my fault, I should have told you sooner that I love you. I fucking love you, Ava! And now that you have…that,” he eyes her engagement ring, “and him….”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

*~*

(745)

“I think I love her,” Tom says to his sister. They’re in the diner and he’s telling her all about Snow. Rachel seems happy for him and she urges him to tell her. “Do you think it’s too late, though?”

“She’s still with you, isn’t she?” Rachel confirms. “She hasn’t told you about some boy she’s seeing, right?”

He searches the back of his mind for an answer. “You’re right. I’ll tell her.”

*~*

(747)

He’s being blocked by a stack of boxes inside the elevator. The men pushing the cart had apologized but the people inside were squeezed like tuna in a can. That’s when he overhears some gossiping workers.

“Miss Lanché is hanging out with that architect a lot.”

“The cute one?”

“Tom, I think is his name. I think they make a cute couple, don’t you think?”

He feels himself smile at that.

“But she can do so much better,” the same person continues.

He frowns.

“I agree. She’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s the heiress to this company and she’s rich. She can have any man she wants and she’s going to get it with someone who’s not even in the highest position in the architecture department?”

“But I heard that Mr. Lanché is close to Tom. Surely he doesn’t want his precious daughter to marry someone of…lesser status, right?”

The elevator dings and the doors open. He hears their voices begin to soften and he deducts that they’ve gotten off. Their words continue to ring in his ears and infiltrate his mind.

That night, he calls Rachel and tells her what happened. “They said that!? Those bitches.”

*~*

(903)

Their relationship was never the same. They constantly tried to avoid each other. Once, he was on a blind date with a woman. It wasn’t a disaster until the very end; he called the wrong name in bed. He even said ‘Snow’. This caused the woman to make him leave right away. Talking to Paul and McKenzie didn’t help either. Rachel was helpful but she wasn’t always present.

Just a week ago, the newspapers, tabloids and especially magazines, have been posting pictures of the newly engaged couple. Many journalists have tried setting up interviews, but with Snow living a private life and Zack busy, all were turned down. Tom hates seeing headlines and pictures of them together.

Tonight is the annual winter ball and Tom had tried his hardest to look his best. He wanted to impress people, to show them that he can just be as good looking as Zachary Williams. Last year, Mr. Lanché had informed them that his daughter wouldn’t be able to make it due to her illness; now that he thinks about, Tom hopes that she wasn’t too sick.

When he reaches the hotel, cameras are flashing around. Last year, he had Butch and Sasha walk the red carpet with him. This year, he knows how to handle it and he swiftly gets inside the building. In the ballroom of a lavish hotel, Tom sticks mostly to Butch and Sasha.

“Do you know when they’ll be arriving?” he asks.

“Miss Lanché always makes an entrance, her gowns are to die for,” Sasha fawns. “I wonder what she’ll wear tonight.”

After about half an hour, the doors open, Sasha squeals, and in comes Mr. Lanché in a custom suit, with a tie that that matches his wife’s blue dress. Zack is also with them, and his tie is silk silver. And then there’s Snow. Her dress is silver with beautiful, elegant patterns all over it. There’s even a snowflake that hides her cleavage. At first glance, it looks like a skimpy, narrow, off-the shoulder dress that reaches the floor. But upon closer inspection, Tom sees that the skin that is revealed at the topmost of her body is being covered by sheer material. Her hair is down, with ringlets around her shoulder, and her make-up is not at all exaggerated.

“Are you going to just stare at her,” Butch starts, “or are you actually going to go talk to her?”

Tom does manage to talk to her. It’s already eleven when he gets the chance, though. All she did so far was socialize with the elite and talk and dance with Zack. He spotted her leaving the room and heading to the restroom. “Ava!” he calls out when they’re alone.

She turns around. “Tom.”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Sure,” she says, “what’s up?”

“Um…first, you look very beautiful tonight.”

She smiles. “Thank you, Tom. You look very handsome yourself.”

Taking a deep breath, he says. “And…I don’t want you to marry Zack.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“I love you, Ava. And…I can tell that you don’t love Zack.”

“I loved him before, Tom,” she says, folding her arms in front of her, “I can love him again just as much, maybe even more. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to check my appearance.” As she starts to walk away, he can’t help but tell her one more time about how beautiful she looks. “Thank you.”

*~*

(1385)

The day of the wedding.

He had planned on not going, to spare himself, but Butch and Sasha had made him go. Paul and McKenzie thought it was a bad choice until they thought of an idea. It would be embarrassing from the beginning, probably be the laughing stock if it failed, but hey, if it works, then it’ll be all worth it.

Even if it’s the most beautiful wedding he’s ever gone to, even if it took months for this to happen, and Snow’s dress is as beautiful as she is, and maybe the cameras around the church would make things more nerve-wracking, he didn’t want to back out.

So as the priest says the words that he’s been waiting for, Tom jumps up from his seat, pretending that the wedding is a disaster and that the cameras all over the place would not face him and dare put his name in the headlines next to the wedding of the century’s or that Zack and his family could probably declare him missing in a day, and exclaims, “I object!”

Gasps could be heard all around. Snow and Zack turn to look at him with wide eyes. Snow begins to shake her head, wanting to save him from embarrassment, most likely.

“I’m not rich, I’m not the heir to some company and I may not be as good looking as the groom,” he starts, swallowing down his pride, “but I work hard, I’m educated and I love you, Ava. I should have told you sooner, I know I should have and we could have saved ourselves from this, but I was terrified. I didn’t…I didn’t want to be turned down because I wasn’t worthy of you. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re the heir to one of the world’s biggest companies even when you want to be a teacher.” He smiles when he sees her smiling. “In society’s eyes I’m not worthy of you, but I can prove to you that I am. I can and I will.”

She smiles wider. He grins. It doesn’t even take her a second to decide as she quickly turns back to the man in front of her. “Zack—”

“Save it,” he stops her, “let’s not go through the drama. I should have known something was up when you hesitated to answer my proposal.”

“Zack, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs and kisses the top of her forehead. “This doesn’t mean that I’m burning and drowning at the same time inside.”

She frowns as he casually steps down and moves pass everyone. His parents run after him but not before they give evil eyes at the bride. Cameras flash and murmurs can be heard. She lowers her eyes for a moment before walking down as well. She stops in front of her parents and gives them a pleading look.

Mr. Lanché smiles at her. “Just because I’m your father and I own a company doesn’t mean that I’ll stop you.”

“He must be really worthy if he had the courage to stop a wedding that’s being watched by millions,” Mrs. Lanché adds.

Snow hugs them both before running to Tom who had been waiting for her in the aisle. She jumps and he catches her effortlessly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he responds. “It would’ve been easier if you broke off the engagement,” he jokes.

“And give you an easy time? I don’t think so,” she says. She smiles and kisses him.

*~*

(2480)

Three years of dating all leads to this.

It’s snowing outside and Snow had thought of building a snowman, just for fun. They’re now on the body, with Tom handing out buttons that had fallen off shirts for Snow to press on their masterpiece. “There’s one more,” he says.

“We don’t need more,” she argues and then looks at the man, “do we?”

“He needs a heart,” Tom continues and hands the item in his hand to her.

“If you say so,” Snow says smiling and begins to put the round item on the man made of snow. But as she does, she looks at it first and then gasps. “This isn’t a button, Tom.”

He shakes his head and gets down on one knee. “Ever since you came into my life, everything’s changed. You’re my good luck charm, if you didn’t notice. And I tried my best to show you how worthy I am to be yours and for you to be mine. Now that my position in your family’s company is more secure,” he had just been promoted to president of the architecture division, “and I finally realized why all my past relationships didn’t work, and why winter is my favorite season,” he kisses the back of her hand, “it’s because of you. You know I love you. I love you so much. And I would love to come home and call for my wife.”

“We work in the same place and get off at the same time.” She giggles.

He smiles. “Then I get to say, 'I get to go home with my wife’ every day. And I think we’re ready to have Casey and Spencer, too, don’t you think? I know I’m ready to teach Casey all my tricks and spoil my princess Spencer.”

She laughs. “Does that mean I’m the less-fun parent?”

“We can be both.” He chuckles. “So what do you say? Will you marry me, Snow?”

She grins. “Yes, Tom. I will marry you.”

Despite his bad luck with…life, in general, Tom finally did get a happy ending.

*~*

(1)

[kyukun]

Club Jealousy (OumaSai)

summary:  After a night of clubbing, a flirty conversation with stranger, and a few spilt drinks, Kokichi had seemingly found himself in a predicament. Who would’ve guessed Shuichi would be the culprit of it all?

notes: hihi! this is my first one shot ive posted on here!! ive also posted this on my ao3. im a huge sucker for jealous shuichi so i hope you enjoy :33

starts after cut!

“Shumai, come on! You have to go with us! It’ll be so much fun!” He exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with joy. Shuichi leaned back a bit, taken by surprise by his intensity. Kokichi had been begging him for months so join him and the others when they go clubbing. And now that he’s of the legal drinking age, that begging has only increased. Shuichi wasn’t much of a drinker. The first time he tried alcohol, he didn’t like the bitter taste it gave off. He didn’t get how Kokichi could down a whole bottle without gagging. He guessed it just wasn’t for him.

Shuichi bit his lip, staring down at Kokichi who had been glaring him down since he entered the room. His cheeks grew a tad flushed from the close proximity they were in. His eyes averted to the side, “Why? You know I don’t like alcohol.” He finally spoke, his throat cracking a bit. Kokichi frowned. He stepped down from his toes, moving into a crossed arm stance. He felt his body become colder as he moved away. His heart was now at rest as it, thankfully, had begun beating slower.

“I know that! They have fruity drinks too that I’m sure you’ll like. Just— please . Please come? For me?” His arms unfolded as his shoulders had begun to seemingly shrink. His lips had curled themselves into a pleading quiver. Shuichi could barely keep his eyes on him at this point. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to turn Kokichi down now. Not with the way he’s looking at him. A few silent moments had passed before a loud, exasperated sigh escaped Shuichi’s lips. “Ugh, fine! I’ll go…” Shuichi was always a sucker for those puppy dog eyes Kokichi gave. It was his ultimate weakness.

Once those amethyst eyes matched with his, he could feel his body shut down and go into autopilot; he had no control over his heart in those moments. It was as though Ouma knew that too. Kokichi grinned, his eyes leaving behind creases near his lids. “Yay!” He jumped up, wrapping his hands around Shuichi’s neck. Shuichi tumbled a bit at the sudden movement just before he could steady himself. He grew totally helpless, melting into the warmth beneath him. His arms moved towards his back, hugging the body back with ease. A smile had crept its way onto his lips before he could protest any further. “And you’ll drink?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“Good.”

Shuichi sent him a reassuring smile.

“Okay, I’ll get going now. I’ll text you the address, just be sure to be ready.”

His arms released him, his shoulders now feeling bare. Kokichi’s grin remained untouched as his face inched away from the male, his usual shorter stature returning. He shot Shuichi finger guns, sending him a wink. Shuichi’s cheeks grew heated once more as he waved him goodbye. “Okay, I will. Thanks.” Kokichi made his way out of the door, his windows shaking a bit from the door being shut.

Well, this was great.

At least he’d be with Kokichi. To him, that’s all that really mattered. He didn’t mind if he drank a bit but it would be worth it to see Kokichi smiling and having a fun time. His smile was contagious. Shuichi sighed, checking the time on his phone. He headed upstairs and decided to get dressed.

-

Music blasted from every corner. The club was surrounded by lights and swarms of people. The group entered excitedly, each and everyone of them smiling like there’s no tomorrow. Kaede leads the group, pointing to a table near the bar. “Over there!” The group could barely hear her over the loud music but understood what she meant when she had begun to move towards the table’s direction.

Shuichi couldn’t help but stare at Kokichi. The fluorescent lights hit his face so nicely, giving him a beautiful and youthful glow. His heart jumped as he noticed the boy smile so happily. This was definitely worth it. The group grabbed their seats, even taking a few from empty tables since they didn’t have enough. “Let’s get drinks?” Kaede recommended, pointing to the bar beside them. Majority of the group nodded or verbally answered, while Shuichi remained silent. The blonde smiled, standing up from her seat, her dress sliding down a bit. Shuichi remained still as he watched the group all stand up and get their respective drinks, all except for Kokichi.

He stayed, his eyes practically glued on him. Shuichi thanked god that the room was dimly lit. “Aren’t you getting something, Kokichi?”

“Nah, I kinda feel a bit icky so I think I’ll wait.”

His elbows placed themselves on the table top, his fingers making a bridge to hold his cheek as he continued staring at Shuichi. “You don’t have to lie, Kokichi.” He felt guilt pool at the bottom of his stomach. In actuality, he was technically lying to Kokichi, wasn’t he? He did say he was going to drink after all. Kokichi shot him a halfhearted smile, “Hehe, caught again.”

They shared a moment of comfortable silence before Kokichi finally spoke up. “Hey, Shumai.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you sure you’re comfortable?”

He hesitated, biting his lip. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really? You don’t look like you’re "fine.”“ He should’ve known that Kokichi would’ve caught on to his act. It scared him how well he could read people. The music boomed in his ears, different genres of songs played over and over again. He felt dizzy. Before Shuichi could open his mouth, the group had came back. They all had drinks in their hands, some full and some half full. Shuichi felt himself shrink in his seat as the group made their way to the table.

Rantaro, seemingly tipsy already, nudged Shuichi on the side with a sleek smile. "Hey, Shuichi. Aren’t you getting something? Want some of mine?” The green haired male offered his beverage towards Shuichi, the smell intoxicating his nose before it could even get near his face. Shuichi grew increasingly uncomfortable, and Kokichi could see it. “Leave him alone, Amami.” Kokichi stepped in, inching his sit closer to Shuichi to push Rantaro’s drink away.

He gave an apologetic smile, throwing his hands in the air to show he’d do as told. Kokichi nudged Shuichi lightly to show he had his back. Shuichi smiled back the boy to let him know he was okay. “Guess I’ll go get mine. You guys leave Shumai alone or else I’ll beat your ass! Remember, I’m an evil leader!” He waved off to the group before reluctantly leaving.

Shuichi’s heart grew warm. He never knew that Kokichi would be so protective of him. His heart raced as he traced back to a few minutes ago. Now that he’s thought about it, Kokichi never really pressures Shuichi to do things he doesn’t want to do. He’s patient with him and understanding. He may not always show it but he really appreciated that. Maybe it was time for him to at least keep his promise?

Shuichi tapped Rantaro, briefly interrupting him and his talk with Miu who was already on her fifth drink. His action brought the attention of everyone at the table. His lips moved into a smile, “Mind if I get a drink?” The table cheered at his sudden change of heart. Kaede and Kaito had begun drumming on the table excitedly while Miu screamed at the top of her lungs with joy. “Finally, Pooichi! ‘Bout time you take a few shots with us, you fucking lameass!”

Shuichi couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh as Rantaro handed him the glass. He held the drink in his hand, giving it a quick sniff. It didn’t smell too bad, not like the first drinks he’s had. Shuichi gulped, glancing around at his group of friends as all of their eyes were on him. “Do it! Do it! Do it!” They had all began to chant slowly. The pressure increased on him. His heart had been filled with adrenaline. Fuck it.

Without a second thought, he tossed the entirety of the glass’ contents into his mouth and down his throat. The fruity yet somewhat bitter drink fizzed down in his stomach. It tasted like juice, except it was more fuzzy and bubbly inside of him. The table cheered him on, even giving him a few slaps on the shoulder for his effort. Shuichi wiped his mouth, a grin on his lips. This one didn’t actually taste that bad. He wouldn’t mind another glass of that.

“Kokichi’s been gone awhile. I wonder if he’s okay?”

Kaede nudged him lightly, “Why don’t you go check on him, lover boy?” She winked at him suggestively. Her comment made Shuichi blush, embarrassed by his other friends who were acting like a bunch of middle school girls at a sleepover. “Rantaro, what was that drink you had? I think I’ll get another one.” Shuichi asked, completely ignoring Kaede’s previous comment. He laughed, “Flyin’ Hawaiian.”

Shuichi felt like giggling. Why did alcohols have such funny names?

He nodded and shot up from his seat, stumbling over a bit. He let out a few messy giggles before reassuring everyone he was okay. “Go get him, Shu!” Kaito yelled from across the club as his now “slightly” drunken legs had carried him across to the bar. Shuichi flipped Kaito off, a drunken laugh escaping him. Shuichi took an empty seat at the bar island. “One Flyin’ Hawaiian please.” A hiccup begged for an escape, but Shuichi swallowed it down before it could leave.

The bartender nodded, her hands already beginning to pour and make the drink. Shuichi took the opportunity to look around the scene. He could see multiple people dancing sloppily, their bodies heated and sweaty. The atmosphere seemingly had changed. He no longer felt uneasy. Oh no, he was damn proud of himself. He drank for god’s sakes! He never drinks. In fact, he felt so proud of himself, he wanted to share it with Kokichi. While the bartender was making his drink, he decided to look around for the missing purple haired male.

After a bit of searching, he finally spotted him. His cheeks were slightly flushed from the alcohol, but goddamn did he look cute. Shuichi’s head grew light as his feet had seemingly carried themselves over to him. He stopped in his tracks, only a few feet away from Ouma as he noticed a strange man walk in his direction. Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows, not sure who this man was or if he could be trusted. Shuichi got closer as he noticed the man begin to chat up Kokichi. He wasn’t close enough where he could be spotted but close enough to hear their conversation.

“Hey, mind if I buy you a drink?”

“Depends. If I accept said drink, will you expect something from me later?”

The man laughed, shaking his head. His eyes changed into a more flirtier glance. “Haha, it doesn’t have to. Unless, that’s what you want.” Shuichi heard the words the stranger spoke. Something inside him really didn’t like the way he stared at him like a piece of meat. It was gross. His stomach churned at the sight of the man as he placed his hands on his leg. Kokichi laughed nervously, taking another sip of his half empty glass. “So, what’s a pretty thing like you doing here alone?” He rubbed his thigh lustfully, clearly wanting to advance things further.

Shuichi didn’t like this guy. Who did he think he was? Kokichi was clearly uncomfortable. His lips sprouted into a pout, his arms crossed. “I’m not alone. I’m actually with a group of friends.” He chuckled softly, his eyes kept staring at his hand, waiting for him to move it. “Oh? So why are you drinking alone?”

“I have a lot on my mind. Look, you’re nice and all but I’m not really interested.”

“Oh come on. Don’t be like that. Besides, I’m sure your friends wouldn’t mind if we were to just sneak out of this place.” The man inched his way closer, his grubby hands contaminating Kokichi’s pure skin. Shuichi had nearly had enough. As his friend, he couldn’t let this man do this. Not now, not ever. Shuichi angrily stomped over to the pair. “I said no.”

The man laughed, his thumb now rubbing his bottom lip. “Just you wait. You’ll feel good in no time—”

Shuichi did the unthinkable. He grabbed a random discarded drink, dumping the rest of its contents on the disgusting pervert’s head. “He said no, so fuck off.” Shuichi didn’t know what was up with him. He rarely cursed. He didn’t know if it was due to the alcohol or the terrified look on Kokichi’s face that really grinded his gears. He wanted to make him hurt . He wanted to beat the living shit out of him for even laying a finger on Kokichi. Kokichi, with tearful eyes, looked up at a fuming Shuichi. Shuichi set the glass down as the man wiped the liquor from his eyes. “And who the hell are you?”

“I should be asking you that question.” Shuichi hissed as the man stood up. Despite the obvious height difference they had, Shuichi held his ground, remaining unfazed. “Why don’t you fuck off? Are you his boyfriend or something?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean I’ll allow you to lay your fucking hands on him. So, no. It’s you who should fuck off.” He challenged, his fists now balling, all of the anger he felt before revealing itself. Kokichi stood up so things wouldn’t escalate further. “O-okay, S-Shuichi, why don’t we just get out of here?” In all of Kokichi’s years of knowing Shuichi, he had never seen him so pissed. Even if Shuichi was a lot slimmer and shorter than the man, he was scared of what he’d do. Kokichi could smell the alcohol on him. He definitely needed to get them out fast. Kokichi wrapped his hands around his shoulder, tugging at it lightly as he urged him to leave. “Yeah—Let’s go.”

“Uh-huh. Not so fast. I’m not done talking to you get.” Before they could escape, the man had grabbed ahold of Kokichi’s arm, dragging him towards his body. His grip was strong and hurt a lot. “Ow…” He whimpered quietly, making sure to do it quietly, not wanting to set off Shuichi. “Fucking let him go. Right now.” He stepped forward, his hand wrapped around Kokichi’s other arm. He tugged him forward as the tension grew. Kokichi bit his lip, thanking god for his short height. He elbowed the man right in his crotch as hard as he could, his grip instantly loosening as he crippled over. He squirmed free, “Come on, hurry.” Kokichi grabbed Shuichi by the hand as he led him outside to the smoking area. Shuichi glanced down at his hand while they ran through the crowds of people. His heart raced loudly as his grey eyes remained fixated on their hands. His tiny, warm hands.

Kokichi opened the door, quickly glancing around to make sure the area was empty. Thankfully, it was. Before Shuichi could apologize, he was pushed against the wall by Kokichi. “What the fuck?! What were you thinking? Did you drink? You definitely drank! Alright, who gave it to you?! I’ll beat their ass right here, right now!”

“Kokichi—”

“No! You couldn’t be any more reckless! I do stupid shit, yeah, but you don’t have to up me! If anything, keep being your usual self. Don’t pull stunts like this, idiot!”

“Kokichi… Please let me talk.”

Kokichi inhaled deeply, trying to soothe himself. He moved his palm from the wall, crossing his arms. “Sorry, sorry. Go ahead.”

“I… I drank myself. It was my own choice to do it. No one forced me.”

“Really? Why? I thought you didn’t like alcohol.”

“I don’t.” He chuckled, giving Kokichi a softened smile. “I drank it because I promised you I would. What’s the point of going to a club if you’re not going to drink?”

Kokichi felt himself sink into a sea of guilt. He didn’t mean to pressure him into drinking. He would have been fine if he didn’t drink at all. “Why were you so angry earlier? That was so unlike you, Shumai.”

“I—I wasn't… angry… That bastard wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“Shumai. My beloved, sweet Shumai. You never curse like that. Were you by any chance jealous of him?” Was he? Shuichi knew he liked Kokichi— loved him really—but never experienced such intense emotions towards someone like that. Sure he felt a little jealous whenever he’d cling onto Rantaro or Kiibo but he knew (or at least he hoped,) that he didn’t like them in that way. Seeing someone totally new being all over Kokichi like that made him worry. It fucking scared him. What if Kokichi had actually liked him? What if they did something together and ended up falling in love? Shuichi didn’t like it. Who knew what this guy was like in reality?

“Shuichi, were you jealous? You’re taking awhile to answer.”

“Whatever; I’m not jealous.”

“You are! You totally are!” Kokichi giggled, shaking a know reddened Shuichi by his elbows. Kokichi opened up his clenched arms before replacing them with his own. “Shumai, you have no reason to be jealous. Wanna know why?” He asked, his eyes looking up at Shuichi. His chin was now resting on his chest, “Why?” He quietly questioned, his voice cracking a bit. He could honestly die of embarrassment. Right here, right now. In Kokichi’s arms. “Because,” Without any warning, Kokichi tiptoed his way to his face. Shuichi stared down at the grinning gremlin as he continued to grin from ear to ear. Kokichi pressed their lips together, making sure Shuichi couldn’t protest or stall him any further. Shuichi let out a surprised gasp as his eyes widened as he eventually melted into the kiss.

Wrapping his hands around Kokichi, he felt his tongue slip inside his mouth. He couldn’t believe he was kissing Kokichi, and he was kissing back. He couldn’t count how many times he’s dreamt of this exact moment and here he was, drunkenly kissing the love of his life. Kokichi pulled away for a breathe, licking his lips lustfully. Shuichi remained breathless as the boy wiped a bit of stray salvia from his chin. Kokichi made his way towards his ear, “Let’s get back to the others and continue this later.” Shuichi felt his warm breath on his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Shuichi blindly nodded, following Kokichi back inside still in a dazed state. Kokichi laughed lowly as he wrapped his hand around Shuichi’s.

Shuichi, for the first time his life, was thankful that he had drank alcohol.

[briteboy]

okay i’m gonna be real with you. i have...a LOT...of messages. going as far back as like...january? probably? i know...i’m so bad...don’t crucify me. i tried to get through all of them but there were a lot that i didn’t have a worthwhile reply for so i’m sorry if i didn’t answer something you sent :{

so here we have: a lot of nice things, a lot of santisms, reactions to the lou and cillian punchout, a few responses to my portfolio and other stuffs...i wanted to put astrology asks in at the end but it’s...a lot more than i thought it was and it’s 3 am so i’d rather die than answer all of those LMAO sorry. i’ll get to it next time

Anonymous said:

u can delete the snorting cum asks but it will still follow you for eternity

okay so I saw the ask about snorting cum and it reminded me of a time that cum came out of my nose. It was gross but my boyfriend and I laughed it off. idk. I thought it would be a funny thing to share!! i'd understand if you didn't want this on your blog!! (maybe it makes you laugh!!)

wELL. WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START HERE. i’m screaming at this...i hope nothing EVER comes out of my nose ever in life...i hate this but ur right it did make me laugh

(Winry anon again) Also, did you get her name from FMA Winry Rockbell because if so I love it

hehe...yes...

hornybodies

this is what bartsim calls me and i hate her for it

whats the truth bitch

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT THIS IS ABOUT BUT I’M LAUGHIGN

i never realised how much i actually missed santi but now im CRYING AND I WANT HIM BACK IN EVERY SINGLE POST WITH LOU BY HIS SIDE LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER PLEASE

I missed santirat's beautiful face there are literal tears rn

me too...i hate that i miss him so much it’s so freaking dumb...i haven’t cried to my own story in a while but i bet i’m gonna once santi’s comeback rolls around. i’m already bracing myself

nvm u can have the lovely rat back, that way my heart wouldn’t be hurting like it is now

honestly yeah that’s fair

Been silently following your blog and though I'm more of a "ghost"(? What does that even mean¿) follower, I can't help but express just how chocked I am to see Santi again OMG. Gutted Lou has had a flashback, she does not deserve this. :'(

hello casper the friendly ghost...i love having santi pop up with surprise flashbacks hehe...ur right though she DOES NOT NEED THIS in her life, but it will get better for her soon do not fret my ghoulish friend

I need more pics of Lou and Santi together I’m not satisfied, thankssss

ELI AND MIYU GETTING SO EXCIted WHEN LOU TOLD THEM SHE LIKES GIRLS MY HEART :’)

HEHEH i love it cause that’s literally how my friends and i act, it was fun to write in a scene :~} i’m glad you liked it :’}}

Yeah when I cut my hair short everyone assumed I liked girls I found it kind of odd, but I didn't care too much. It mostly just made me end up realizing all the shit lgbt people go through, one time a guy literally went up to me and my friend, my bff who no one really knew was a lesbian was terrified because he said "oh dont worry lesbians are hot, but gay guys are just disgusting" it ended up he was talking to me, i just rolled up a piece of paper as tight as I could and smacked him on the head

EWW first of all that guy can take his weird fetishization and homophobia elsewhere thanks...i’m glad you threw a paper ball at him LMAO. but yeah on one hand, coming from ignorant/straight people it’s like “uhhhh why would you assume that about me”, within the lgbt community it’s like...common ground...an inside joke...i guess? so it’s weird. the link between hair, clothes and sexuality is can definitely be harmful in certain circumstances

fiona is my spirit animal and i love her ok thanks for coming to my TED Talk

that was illuminating thank you

i re-read santis story and i s2g i've read it so many times idk, but like its so easy to read i dont mean like emotionally but it flows really well. and like its not too confusing i hate when people make overly convoluted stories in an excuse for being deep its some good shit good job my dude

AKJSDKGKSJD THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never expected anyone to read it oNCE let alone REPEATEDLY...that really makes me so happy though because it’s definitely something you have to go back and read to catch all the details. ahhhhh thank you so much, i never ever want my story to be too complicated so i’m glad you don’t think it is!!

im crying because your recent post reminds me so much of my relationship with my mom when i was younger... she was always out of a job and sometimes we had to resort to living with other family members, it was all really hard on her and especially with having a kid she had to take care of at the same time. even though these are fictional characters, it’s comforting to know that other people have gone through the same situations i have. i love fiona and lou so much, they’re my heart and soul <3

OMG ;_________; i’m crying i’m so glad it resonates with you...i had a lot of friends growing up who were in similar situations and i think i kinda based lou and fi’s relationship on that, so you’re definitely not alone <33 i’m so glad you love them i love u

basically what I’ve learned from these asks is that Gianni is a perfect god-like human and I want one

he is. one time an anon told me they were like santi but they wanted to be rooney and i was like “i’m both santi and rooney on different days and i want to be gianni.” now u know why

hi, i just wanted to pop in and say that i really, really love your blog and i admire your editing skills SO much, i think you are EXTREMELY talented and i don't think you get told that enough. i've been following you for awhile now and i am in love with ALL of your stories, characters and edits you've put out! you're really an inspiration to me and i hope someday my edits can turn out as good as yours!! i don't have reshade so it's harder for me, but i'm trying to learn!! ok have a good day :-)

OMFG ;-; I DO GET TOLD IT A LOT AND IT STILL SEEMS FAKE...you don’t have to go out of your way to compliment me ;___; but thank you so so so much i’m crying...it makes me so giddy that i might inspire someone like WHAT...i don’t even know what i’m doing half the time i edit so u will definitely be able to catch up to me one day even if you don’t have reshade, i know it. i edited without reshade for like 2 and a half years on this blog so you can do it i promise!! have a good day/night/life i love u

fuck my succ

I'm in need of some giannti in my life

we all need some gianti in our lives

Hey! I just wanted to say that ur an amazing writer. You portray everything so well, it’s insane. I want to be a writer someday and I hope my writing is at least somewhat close to yours. Have an awesome day my dude💕

WOW I’M CRYING...i still have a lot of room to grow and so do you, i hope you are able to become the writer you want to be :’} and thank you so much for the wonderful compliment i’m emo have a great day as well

aver is my queen, confirmed.

avey is everyone’s queen confirmed

oksy but listen, look up the model Charlotte Ray Spencer

i did but i couldn’t find her?? all that came up was ray spencer obituaries in charlotte, SC LMFAO...charlotte spencer is an actress tho it seems, is that...who...? omfg

MAY I JUST OFFER THIS NEW SONG OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD CALLED VOID BC I HAVE A FEELING SANTI WOULD LOVE IT (it's also meant for my aggressive sadboi oc)

OH I LOVE THIS IT FITS PERFECTLY WITH THE PLAYLIST I’M MAKING FOR THE NEW ERA OF SANTI...THANK YOU I’M TOTALLY ADDING IT

I had a ectopic pregnancy when I was seventeen but I feel like I got off lightly compared to Molly. Your story is so beautiful in so many ways, I think it’s incredible how much character development you’ve managed to pull off honestly I’m amazed. Thank you ❤️

omg ;_______; i don’t even know what to say to this, but it means so much to me i can’t even put it into words. thank you thank you thank you so much, and i’m so sorry you had to go through that as well. molly was an extreme case and i hope no one has to go through what she went through. i’m glad you’re okay now, and thank you so much for reaching out to me and reading my story at all ;-; <3333

just a heads up: the links button on your ccfinds blog goes to the femmefinds url still

oh yeah i know i’m gonna be real with you...i’m too lazy to fix it lmAO

Luv your stick n poke tats u posted!!! Could u do more? Maybe on diff places on the bod?? Ur so talented. Xx

omg that was FOREVER ago...maaaaaybe in the future...we shall see...but thank you <33

Can u do a family portrait for all ur characters like u did w Lou!!!

oooooh hehe i probably will in the future!!

Kill v maim is one of my favorite songs of all time omg it makes me wanna wear ripped jeans and a leather jacket and cover myself in glitter and smash some windows with a baseball bat MMMMMM

HELL yeah me too...i become a cyber punk alien vampire when i hear that song

maybe do a casting call posted here ? u have many followers and im sure a good chunk live in ur area and would be willing to model ^_^

omg SCARY...i probably could tho tbh that’s a good idea, thank you!

hi sunny, what program do you use to merge your cc and what do you use to detect and remove broken cc that just doesn't work in game anymore? thanks!

i actually haven’t merged on my new laptop yet but i used s4s for merging and there’s the mod conflict detector!!

My game hasn't been working since the first Cats and Dogs patch but I uninstalled and reinstalled and it finally works again 😭

sunny!! would you recommend your computer to play ts4 on? has it good graphics, can handle the highest settings and so? i really need a new computer but i have no idea which one to go for

yes i would recommend it!! i have reshade, ultra settings and like 8 gb of cc.

thanks for answering my ask eee ur story is probably the best ive read on here and yeah. i love how everything connects and everyones just so real. you dont have to post this i just wanted to thank you for being my inspiration and making me smile, laugh, cry, and scream in the middle of the night with your characters.

I LOVE U...it still sounds so fake to me when people say i inspire them, i don’t even know how to respond to all this ;-; just thank you for sparing a glance my way and resonating with my creations. <3 we scream and cry 2gether

I listened to Separator by Radiohead on repeat whilst reading Santi’s story and now that song just reminds me of him and Lou. I’d totally suggest listening to it’s so good! As is your story :3 xxx

oh radiohead that’s good sh*t...i’m listening to it now and i feel the santou vibes...especially when santi’s feeling out of his mind and she’s the only one who can calm him...haha cool..anyways THANK YOU!!!!

how do you make poses for the roof? i'm not sure how i can know if the sims will clip into the roof or float

honestly i just...eyeball it...because all roofs are different and you can’t put them into blender so. i just winged it lmao...i just made a pose that looked like it could’ve been lou climbing out the window, only the rig was still ground level, and then i used alt + 9 to lift the teleporter onto the roof as best as i could. that’s why it probably wouldn’t be a very practical pose to release, because i have no way of making it easy to use 

Lou punched him and I knew it would happen. 😀👌 nice, nice I like Lou whopping ass.

hehe i’m glad you enjoyed it...who knew she had a freaking hook like that

ok a theory... santi went to look for molly's mother and yea

omg tell me cillian sings every other freckle at some point

OMFG well...that song came out in 2013 and the current flashback year is 2008 so. i would personally murder cillian myself if he was still in lou’s life 5 years after this honestly

hey kitty girl! i was wondering if you could answer this teensy lil question i got. im writing a "story" anddd i was trying to figure out how to make some parts not cliche. like i hate reading about whatever and being like girll ive done seen this before so i just needs to know. kisses

i absolutely love how this is worded and the fact that u called me kitty, very cute. anyway...this is pretty broad, perhaps you could clarify what kinda cliches you want to steer clear from? a lot of the time when i know something is gonna be cliche and there’s no avoiding it, i just kinda own up to it and try to subtly point out how cliche it is and somehow that makes it work out better...like being self aware somehow adds another more realistic element to the story that makes it better? idk...anyway dm me if you need help!!

so.... lou can remember more of what happened? this is good! go 2 the police bitch! tell them!!!!!!!

she should!! but the only problem is she doesn’t have proof. so... 🤔

how do you write your stories in a way that everything is organized and you're certain and not confused with everything? i mean, do you have any way for writing that let you develop your stories with not so much difficults? i'm trying to write an story for months but i only have a few of the most important events on my mind, i don't know how to develop another important details, i always feel that everything is confuse or crap

hmmmmm well my mind is very ah convoluted so it’s a wonder any of this comes out even somewhat cohesive? but basically i have a very good memory and utilize google docs a lot hahaha. i’ve gone in depth about my writing process here!

whats a good way when it comes to starting a sims story? i mean like the first post? :/

ummmmmm maybe test the waters a bit and just make a post introducing your character(s) first? or dive right in and get sh*t started. it could go either way tbh

boyish by japanese breakfast is a santixlou bop

oh sh*t!!!!!! i love japanese breakfast!! and i love this thank you!

So is lou like into cillian in a way? Making him kinda be in her type

as of right now (in the flashbacks)? HELL fucking no. but you’re right, she did say those things in the future to santi. so 🤔

Everyone guessing shit stupidly annoys me haha. I'M UNOBSERVANT AND I DON'T WANNA GO BACK AND CHECK SHIT, LET ME LIVE. *Like* if you a ~dum~ reader who doesn't want every bit of foreshadowing called out. lol

i respect this honestly whenever i drop the hottest foreshadowing of 2018 i never expect my inbox to flood like it does but here we are and i am amazed

CILLIAN NEEDS TO FUCKING FIGHT ME (TYPING THIS ON MY COMPUTER BC I SAW HIS DINOSAUR ASS AND CHUCKED MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW)

i’m screaming...i’m so sorry it’s my fault about your phone but like also i’m poor i can’t pay for that

i'm studying your latest posts because they're beautiful and my hatred for that long necked bitch is intensifying -- what makes me burn even more is that he's still wearing her necklace, can we say let the bitch burn?

burn babey burn

Why don't you use quick tags?

i’m dumb is why

CILLIAN IS SUCH A SHITASS I HATE HIS FACE WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME

BRUHHHHH THE DINOSAUR LOOKIN ASS BOY IS B A C K run

WAIT THE NECKLACE. HE STOLE THE MCFUCKING NECKLACE BROOOOO

What if Fi's blue eyes are from... Cillian..?

wHY did you have to make him cute and fucking cool though? I still hate him but it's harder.

NVM I JUST LOOKED AT THE POST AGAIN HES WEARING HER NECKLACE INHOPE SHE CHOKES HIMS WOTH IT THIS TIME

I SCREAMED AT THIS SERIES OF QUESTIONS OISDFNGJKDSKJN yeah sorry he’s conventionally attractive but unsettlingly so and i feel uneasy when i look at him and plus the fact that he’s literally evil so .

im like, to 90% sure that cillian is in ace joker. so that song might have reminded lou of him...

this was sent right after that scene of lou hearing the song at pippin’s, so

My conspiracy theory is that cillian is Lou's father. Speakimg of which are we gonna get to that soon, I'm dying of curiosity;.;

I’M LAUGHING I THINK U MEANT FIONA’S FATHER AKSJDKJGDSJ but yeah well. You’ll See

what do u resize ur photos to?

whatever 33% of 1920x1080 is i forget. i have a resizing + sharpening action so i just run that

im about to kill those kids if they keep fucking with my baby

THESE BITCHES BULLYING MY BABY LOU? CATCH THESE HANDS

me @ these ugly kids:

Who are the best creators for mens clothing? I struggle so much to find good cc creators with men specifically!

badabing badaboom

I’m not sure if you’ve converted things before but do you know any good sims 3 cc to sims 4 tutorials? Or your followers?

errrrrr i have no idea i’m sorry :x

would you consider making like a photoshop psd file with all the layers in your editing process?

omg...heck no it would be so unhelpful OMFG mostly because my editing is just my own action + shading and highlighting unique to that pic

would you ever do an editing timlapse of your gameplay pics? 💖💖

ahhhhh maybe!! probably in the future!

OMG HEATHERS WAS FILMED AT MY HIGH SCHOOL AND IM JUST HYPED UP SEEING IT BEING MENTIONED ON THIS ACCOUNT!!

OMFG THAT’S RAD...i’ve literally only seen it once tho i’m fake

I'M SHOOK. my friend kinda asked me out and I wanna say yes but my parents won't let me date. I'm 18! I need your advice! -signed 18 and alone anon

um UR 18 BUDDY UR AN ADULT...DATE WHOEVER THE F*CK U WANT HONESTLY

Can you pretty please link some photoshop tutorials you recommend? I really want to make my photos more cinematic and like your's without totally copying you or someone else. All I do right now is sharpen, color balance, and add some noise and then resize. I really need some more ways to get better looking photos such as yours.

ahhhhh the problem is i don’t know of any i’m sorry...lmao this is totally unhelpful :\ i have my own editing tutorial which is outdated but can probably help you out with the basics of lighting effects and shading n stuff?

Heyyy, I saw that you answered a question about making a ps action like your reshade, and I just wanted to say that I would love that! Unfortunately Mac users like me, can’t use reshade unless boot camping Windows onto our computers...☹️ and your reshade is just soooo pretty...

i don’t know if i’ll be able to replicate the reshade effect totally but i could release the action i’ve made for myself? it warms up screenshots but is totally adjustable to your liking for different color tones so in that way it’s kinda similar to the reshade. i’ll seeeeee what i can do...i know the woes of mac users all too well, my friend

i just wanna give lou a big ol cozy hug :o((( pls

pls hug her she needs it.

Do you post on tumblr from your phome or from your computer? Just curious.

mostly from my computer, sometimes i answer messages on my phone while i’m out and you can tell because autocorrect actually makes me use proper capitalization for once in my life

how many hours have you played the sims? for me i have 4,070 hours. haha help

OMFG i think mine is like...900 or something...i can’t tell if that’s too much or too little, but it’s definitely inaccurate

if i could only look at one person's tumblr from now on it would be yours. ur literally the queen of tumblr #shookaf and also i really hope i die before you ever say ur leaving tumblr cause when u do, i will legit die and bury my own grave. i really appreciate u and hope one day i can be on ur level but rn im at level 1.5 while ur up in the millions :D

I’M SCREAMING PLEASE I AM A PLEB.............i cry u flatter me too much ;-; i genuinely hope i never leave this place because it’s been so fun and it’s helped me evolve so much as an artist and a writer, plus i made some of my greatest friends on here. so i hope that day never comes!! but who knows life is wild. anyway i’m sure you’re actually like at level 578 and are just being modest. it’s okay you don’t have to be humble

i think its so cool that you and wanderlust and other simmers use multiple worlds to make your own town and stuff. idk why but thats just so cool to me and i would have never thought of it. love your blog and story <3

omg!!! well i couldn’t resist, i love a bunch of them and can’t limit myself to just one ya know. plus the more i thought about it, the more my gen 2 story kinda centers around these kids from this one town and the town itself is very relevant. so i felt like i had to make my own!! and i’m very excited to get started with that hehe

I just met a guy named Rodrigo Santiago and I sCREAMED HOLY SHIT

Update (tho idk of you got the first one): I just got a text from a classmate named Rodrigo Santiago. I'm sCREECHING

no freaking way. there’s no way i don’t believe...i want proof...

YOU SO FUCKIN PRECIOUS WHEN U SMILE

dont worry about posting this or do idc but i just wanted to say you should write about whatever you want and not care about whether people think you condone it or not. if i (a gay male) were to write about lesbians its not like im saying YOU HAVE TO BE LESBIANS BLAH BLAH BLAH you know what i mean? or if im writing about a robbery doesnt mean im like condoning robbery so like idk you do you boo and keep it coming ;D ilysm btw

OMFG no yeah i get it, i mean i think now especially in this online environment, people are hyper aware of Problematique things and so they’re a little too quick to point fingers without looking deeper than the surface. and whatever it’s fine people are always gonna be like that because people are mostly inherently judgmental, especially when it comes to consuming media. artists/writers face stuff like this all the time because people refuse to look past the surface, hence why works have gotten misconstrued all the time. but yeah i really appreciate this sentiment, thank u i love u

hope this isnt a weird question but what is the image size that u used for your character page?? thnk u 💕

omg it’s 300x300

have u listened to visions of gideon by sufjan stevens i was listening to it while reading ur stories and it made me so :(

oh my boy sufjan aka gianni’s personality claim i love him...and this song is :{ but i love even if it’s from the nasty age gap peach fucking movie

If i was married to Jamie and he treatin’ our daughter like that… oh I swear HES GOT TO GO!

it’s 2 am i’m so tired answering all of these i forgot who jaime was for a sec i was like um why are we talking about GoT anyways good night

how does alpha hair work with reshade? it seems so good in your screenshots and i’ve seen that in others screenshots it looks bad? whats the secret?

well good morning haha jk i never went to sleep anyway here u go

hooow do you make adorable toddlers in ts4?? teach me, gimme some advice please :(((

chubby cheeks! big eyes! small faces! little but plump lips! a good skin! dats all

how did u get ur sim onto the fire escapes?

ze teleporter mod, that’s it

I snickered at the, THE RETURN OF SANTI. Like I imagine it written in red horror lettering and santi just busts down the door and says ho ho ho im back bench, Did U miss me?

honestly i own a calendar and if i knew a definite date u already fucking kNOW it would be up there

ahhh im sorry for asking but im wondering how you find voice claims?? i'm looking for some for my sims, but it's tough to find one that's *right*, you know?? and your voice claims are great!! thank you <3

OMG voice claims are HARD, i literally just like “collect” them over time...i have a list in my phone of voices i like/may use in the future lmao, but try to think of actors or musicians and search interviews/movie or tv scenes with them speaking!!

i don't even read your story but i still follow you because i love your personality, sim style and just your whole entire tumblr

u follow me for ME? UM...what are u doing here...i’m so sorry (i love u...)

do you have a different reshade preset for flashback screenshots and for the present ones?

i do not!! i just edit differently

what happened to the honeycomb?

OMFG it’s still there...but we legit haven’t seen it since girooni’s wedding so um...it’s gonna have to get a makeover. i’m gonna do it when girooni come back home so i can finally show rupi working there like...wow...she deserves to be seen

lou's dad is the biggest asshole and i am waiting for the day that bitch dies

us when he dies

shit theory: caroline goes to find and confront cillian about what he did in teen lou timeline. care ends up forming a crush on cillian and goes back to meet him several more times, but cillian ends up liking lou more which makes caroline jealous. and that's why they don't speak currently, 'cause cillian ruined lou's life in more ways than one.

uM holy fuck that’s all i got to say

pls tell me that Caro killed the dude that choked Lou (or beat his ass)

god i hope so !

how many people do you follow? are you “strict” with who you follow?

i follow 264 people and yeah i’ve gotten a bit stricter with it just cause like...i only want to follow people whose content i truly care about/will actually notice on my dash

would you ever do a sim dump?

probably in the future, it seems like people want more male and female sims from me SO

ramona got some moves tf

the girl is out here bobbing to the chicken dance like nobody’s business

have u seen the end of the fucking world? if u did what are your #thots

UM......................i watched the first episode ‘cause i heard so much about it and um.............................it was so bad OMFG i hated it. way too edgy for me. completely missed the mark. not into it at all. hard pass

CAN LOU PLEASE HAVE A MAN IN HER LIFE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE TWAT PLEASE

HOPEFULLY ezra will follow through with that and i don’t necessarily mean in a romantic way but like...as her new roommate MAYBE he will be a blessing we can HOPE

I'm not sure if you've been asked this or not, but your poses are so good and I was wondering if you have ever considered making a pose pack? Sorry if this came off as rude! I love your posts!

i will probably in the future!! but first i gotta figure out which ones i’d actually include

okay so this is random but I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your sims stories. Everything is so perfect and I'm forever shook because I can't believe the "sets" you use are actually the game. Your sims are so fleshed out and you are a huge inspiration to me. Anyways sorry if this was weird but I'm like obsessed with ur blog. bYe

AJHSDHJFSD THANK YOU!!!!!!! yes somehow we work miracles into this game can u believe it...ahh but thank you so much, it means everything that i would inspire you in any way...like what...omg

Santi is actually standing outside present Lou’s apartment wondering where the fuck he went wrong

he’s been there for 6 months just on the street standing there please someone let him in .

LOUUUU OH MY GODDD SKKDSNSJDH MY BABY. SO THATS HOW SHE GOT THE SCAR. WOW

there it is fellas. this message is sooooo old i’m so bad

Have you read/heard of The Lunar Chronicles

i have not!! but i’ll jot it down!

I was wondering if you’ve ever had any problems with skins? For me some on the palm side of the hand it’s noticeably darker than what the skin is supposed to be.. like the rest comes out find but the hands are darker.

hmm...that’s weird, i haven’t seen that. i think it probably depends on the skin? or maybe your sim detail settings?

santi my daddy, honeybodies my mommy, lou looking like a cutie when she saw dat tiny puppy. my name is rappin anon, and i just wanted to say, ur are my favorite simblr basically saving my day. rappin anon OUT

o...my god

i love u

i love u...

[b0blegum]

A+ (end)

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader (teacher AU)

Rating: R

Genre: s m u t, like smutty smut.

Status: PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | END

a/n Shit, i’ve never written a chaptered fic in one night, but look what i’m doing here? I have finished writing all parts! This actually meant to be posted yesterday as a celebration for Changkyun’s birthday though, but whatever. Hope you enjoy this smutty fic for our kinky maknae.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WEIRDEST GENIUS MAKNAE, IM CHANGKYUN XO

18+ THINGS GOT HEATED HERE I WARNED YOU. AGAIN.

“Would the children like this?” You looked at your own reflection. Turning around to see yourself in a black cat onesie.

It was your one and only costume you had left from halloween last year. You’re never a big fan of halloween either, so you always wore just a simple costume, like this one. A onesie.

You gave a last touch to your face, swatching a soft pink lipstick on your lips and grabbing your purse.

“Wow, hold on.” You heard Minhyuk called you from the kitchen as he picked out the left over he had from last night’s take out.

“If you just want to roast me, fuck off. I am almost late.” You ignored him, walked to the front door.

“No, (y/n). Chill. Why are you so emotional 24/7? Are you on your period?” He chuckled.

“Then what were you gonna say?” You looked at him.

“Why are you wearing that? It’s not even halloween yet.”

“It’s costume day at school, Minhyuk. Everyone has to wear something.” You pointed to your onesie. “And i’m wearing this.”

“A cat. A black cat.” He nodded.

“Do you think the kids would like this costume?”

“Well. Kids love bright colors. Black, meh,” Minhyuk tilted his head. “I don’t think so.”

You stomped at the floor. “Then what should i do?” You whined. Minhyuk pointed at you and flattened his lips.

“You wore something princess-y for halloween two years ago.” He walked to your bedroom. “I think you should wear that. What was that? Alice?”

“Yes, Alice, but i don’t think i still have it here.” You followed him entering your own room. He began looking for it in your closet, in the box where you stored winter clothes and everywhere else he thought where you’d store it.

“There you go!” He squatted up with a blue and white dress already in his hand after a while of wild searching.

“Jeez, i didn’t even know it’s there.” You took the dress from him.

“Wear it.” He walked to your bed and sat at the edge of it. You quickly undressed and put on the thighs before wearing the Alice in the Wonderland dress.

It was quiet tight for you, remembering you wore it two years ago last time.

“Will you help me with the zipper?” You turned around with your back faced the guy on the bed. In no time his hand began working on the zipper but then you felt he stopped midway. “Hey? Zip it up.” You said.

“O– oh.” He continued. “There you go.” Minhyuk leaned back, supporting himself with his two arms.

“Why are you blushing?” You said after you turned yourself to him as you tied the bow around your stomach.

“N–no. I am not.” He sat up and walked out of your bedroom. “You better be hurry. It’s almost 9.”

You shook your head and smile. “Asshole.”

The school was a bit different today. There were a lot of colorful decorations along the hallway, kids were running in various costumes; animals, princesses, dream jobs and many other costumes their mom probably spent the night to made.

“Look! It’s Alice!” A kid with Ariel the mermaid costume shouted when you walked to your class.

“Hi, princess Ariel!” You turned around to greet her. The girl screamed and jumped in excitement.

“You’re Alice today?” Someone greeted you. This time you were sure, he wasn’t a kid.

Turning around, you saw someone in a suit, complete with a bow tie and a sleek hair do.

“And what are you?” You scanned him from head to toe. “A… prince?” You narrowed your eyes as he walked closer.

“Justin Timberlake.” He put his hand inside his pants pocket before he started walking along with you. You almost laughed at the way he confidently told you who he was today.

“Justin Timberlake?” You asked, holding your giggle.

“Yeah, why? Doesn’t fit me?” He opened his suit jacket, exposing his clothed torso.

“No. You look… cute.”

Somewhere inside you felt relieved. There was no awkwardness between the two of you after that happened. He didn’t text you nor call you, but at least he was still being himself and didn’t avoid you at school.

“You look… sexy.” He winked.

“What? Sexy? This is my halloween costume for two years ago, can’t you see it’s almost worn out?” You looked at your dress.

“Nope. Even if it’s worn out, it still hugs your curves perfectly.” He licked his lower lip.

“We’re at school, Changkyun.” You shook your head as you walked passed him, turning right to your class.

“You know we’re at school, yet you wear that?” He smirked. “Shut up.” You pushed the door and headed in.

“See you around, Alice.” He waved.

“See you around, Mr. Timberlake.”

You finally loosened yourself. You actually faked yourself to being calm in front of Changkyun. Like, how can you calm yourself when he looked so good in that suit? No– not just good, but he looked damn sexy in it. Plus, the way he styled his hair, gosh, he looked even more mature than his age.

“Oh– shit.” You put your purse on the table and began the class.

But… your mind was still on Changkyun. You began to imagine what’s hidden under that suit. What he had under that and how great it’d be if you could help him undress from layers of cloths. How great it’d be to just collided, skin to skin with him.

“Collided?” You snapped out of your thoughts. “What does collided mean, Ms. (y/n)?” Your mouth was ajar, realizing that you must’ve said something in your brain to the whole class.

“Uh–“ you smiled awkwardly. “That’s… oh– kids, i think it’s drawing time!” You cheered, changing the topic, feeling really, really embarrassed by yourself. Hours passed, but he was still in your thoughts. You said goodbye to the class and rushing to the teacher’s lounge to calm yourself. At this time, that room was most likely to be empty, plus, it’s costume day today, teachers would’ve busy preparing for the main event later at 1 PM.

You closed the door behind you and sighed as you leaned on it. Closing your eyes, you shook your head, hoping the dirty thoughts of him fucking you would go away.

“We meet again, (y/n)?”

“Oh– fuck.” Your eyes snapped open. “God, you scared me.”

“What are you doing here? Not helping other teachers?” He asked, sitting up from the couch and put his coffee on the table before he walked to you.

Shit, why is he here! “Uh– no. Why are you here?” What the hell, that was a lame respond.

“Let’s see. What am i doing here?” He tapped his chin and looked up, pretending to think as he kept walking towards you.

He was coming closer. His eyes was soon glued to you. He stretched his arm next to your head while the other was carefully locking the door.

“I’m doing… you.” He smirked, slowly his hand lifted your chin and brought his face closer to you. “What do you think about that, (y/n)?” He whispered, before he gave you a soft peck on your lips.

You could feel blood rushing through your system. Your heartbeats became unstable and your face reddened.

“That…” you stuttered. “Sounds like a good idea.” You smiled, eyes locked on his lips, silently begging for more kiss.

The boy would smirked and began hungrily kissing you.Moans started to slipped out of your mouth between kisses but then he covered your mouth with his hand and sshed you.

“Lower your voice, noona.”

Fuck, he that word again.

Changkyun already had his lips on your jaw. Slowly trailing it down your neck. Sucking it every once in a while and breathed on your skin. You bit your lips as he sucked the skin on your collarbone and when you felt his hand lifted your skirt and caressed the back of your thighs, all the way up until his hand finally cupped your butt and gave it a squeezed.

“Oh–“ you moaned. He kept squeezing your butt as he kissed you, biting your lips. The pleasure he gave you made you forget about everything, including the fact that he already had both of his hands on your butts and squeezed it even rougher before he lifted you up and brought you to the couch at the corner of the room.

He’d bumped you down rather roughly that you made an ouch sound when your head hit the couch. He didn’t even say sorry for that, instead, he began lifting your skirt and pulling off your tights.

“I hate this thing.” He threw it away and in no time, he already had his fingers on your clothed fold. Rubbing it gently as he had other hand squeezing your breast. “You’re wet already?” He smirked, pressing your fold, sending you to a sinful sensation that made you let out another moan.

He pulled aside the fabric and rubbed your now bare folds. He’d rubbed it painfully slow, up and down, teasing you by circling your clit with the tip of his finger.

“Changky–“ you moaned his name, hands grabbing his hair.

“What, noona?”

“Eat me.”

The boy did exactly as he said. He started licking your folds, circling your clit with it and pressed your opening.

“Fuck. Don’t–“ you moaned. “Stop.”

He sucked your clit and bit if softly. “You like it, noona?”

“Fuck, you’re good.” You arched your body up. One hand squeezing the couch. Changkyun began to put his finger in you as he kept licking your clit. You let out a groaned at the sensation he gave you. After awhile, he put another finger, curved them up to touch the place you’d never reached before.

“Fuck.” You moaned as he thrusted his finger faster and deeper. He’d kiss you back and explored your mouth with his tongue while you had your finger rubbing your clit. “Fuck, i’m– i’m close,” you bit his lip.

“You want to come now, noona?”

Nodding, you shut your eyes as you felt the orgasm was coming closer, but slowly, you felt the thrusting became weaker.

“Not that fast,” he took his fingers out. He broke the kisses and sat straight, started to unbuttoning his shirt.

“Fuck you.” You caught your own breath and sat straight up. You pushed him down so now he’s at the bottom. “How dare you tease me, baby boy?”

“Noo–na,” he startled at your action. He was always the one who leads, never had he thought you’d take the lead.

You kissed him hard as you helped him unbuttoning his shirt and took it off. “Nice packs.” You smirked as you traced his bare skin with your fingers down to his waist. He’d moaned at the feeling of your nails on his skin.

“Oh, you’re hard too.” You commented as you felt the bulge under the black fabric. You gave it a squeezed that sent the boy to let out a groaned. “Noona,” he called.

Slowly, you unzipped his pants and pulled it down. You began to rub his clothed member. “What do you want me baby boy?” You asked, squeezing his member one more time.

“Noona, suck me.” He moaned. You smiled at his request.

You pulled off his briefs and his member immediately sprung, touching his torso, showing you off the full length.

You grabbed his length and wrapped it with your hand, giving it a good rub before finally putting the tip inside your mouth after licking it few times as you pumped it with your hand.

It was bigger than you thought it was when it’s inside your mouth. You almost out of breath everytime it’s inside you that you have to pulled it out before you sucked it back in.

“Noona, you’re–“ he whined. “So good, please,”

“Please what, baby boy?” You licked the top of his length. “Please don’t stop, Noona.” He moaned.

You kept pumping him, doing everything you could recall from that time when you did all these things to Minhyuk. Yeah– those dark days.

Changkyun would groaned and moaned at the sexual tension you gave him and you’d feel proud at yourself remembering this was your first actual blowjob. “Noona,” he called out. “I’m,” he moaned out. “I’m close.”

“You want to come now, baby boy?” You smirked.

“Please, noona.” You smirked and pumped him harder, faster, enough to made him groaned louder until he finally released all the thick substance, squirting it all over your face.

You’d licked some of it, still getting familiar with the taste.

He groaned as he help you pumping himself, squirting out the substance he still had left. “Fuck, you’re good, noona.” He bit his lip.

“I’m surprised at myself. That was actually my first time.” You confessed. The boy looked at you, confused before he grabbed something from his pants pocket.

You heard something was being ripped.

“First time?” He sat up, rolling up condom on his length before he began to pushed you down again as he tried to unzipped your dress and pulled it down to your stomach.

“I’m…” you slightly looked down, panicked as he rubbed his member on your folds. Your nails were raking the skin of his arm.

“Noona, what’s wrong?” He noticed you’re weird behaviour and stop what he was doing.

“I… this, what we are doing…” you bit your lip. “Is my first time.” You confessed. “You…” the boy’s eyes widened. “Noona, are you…”

“I am a virgin, Changkyun.” You finally said it.

There was a silence between you two for seconds.

“I’m… i’m sorry,” he shook his head as he pulled him further from you, but you pulled him quickly back into you.

“Don’t feel sorry. What’s there to be sorry?” You rolled your eyes.

“But, noona, you’re…”

“Come on, i’ve been wanting to do this.” You kissed his lips.

“Are you… serious? I mean, if you’re not ready–“

“I wanna feel you inside me, Changkyun.”

He groaned before he really sandwiched you, kissing you hungrily like the first time. He lifted up your legs, bringing them close to your chin.

“You’re ready?” He asked, pulling off from the kiss. You nodded as he kept rubbing your core and already gave a pressure on your opening.

He pushed his length slowly, gently as he observed your reaction. Your eyes were shut tight and he saw you biting your lower lip, taking the pain.

“Tell me if it’s too painful for you,” he kissed you as he caress your hair, calming you.

It was weird for you, having actually something inside your body. It did feel painful at first, the friction, the way his dick stretched the flesh, you just wanted to scream, but the boy shut you up by giving you a gentle kiss and caressing your forehead.

Slowly, the pain went away, switching into the new sensation you were feeling. It felt like butterfly was filling your stomach. It’s tickling, yet… pleasuring.

“It’s alright?” He asked, probably feeling worried the whole time since he filled you.

“It… feels so good.” You turned your head to your side as you savor every thrusts.

He brushed his lips against your neck. “Glad i make you feel good.” He whispered.

Once you were settled with this new feeling, you moved your hips along, following his pace. It did feel hurt, a little bit, but the pleasure was so much more than that, that you just want him thrusting even faster and deeper.

He looked like he understand what you want, looking at you bucking your hips up as if you were looking for something. He thrusted you faster, sloppily, but enough to make you felt like flying.

“Fuck, i’m not gonna last long.” He groaned, whispering you in his deep voice.

“Just–“ you moaned, taking his thrusts. “Let go.” And just then, Changkyun’s body fell on you, pressing you as he had his head fell on the crook of your neck. He groaned as he released into a condom. He was still thrusting you, but this time it was slower yet so deep that you were pushed slightly.

You moaned at the feeling of something warm inside you before the boy finally stopped thrusting and pulled his member out, gently and took off his condom.

Before you could even say something, he already got your legs positioned above him. “Now it’s your turn.” He smiled and separated your legs, placing his head between them and began licking your clit.

Your back arched at the feeling. Moaning, you squeezed the couch. He then added fingers inside you and pumped you. You felt yourself getting close, so close that you didn’t realised your legs were starting to tremble and your thighs clenched around his head.

“Chang— yun,” you moaned his name as you felt the orgasm was finally coming. Your eyes rolled back and your back was arched. He kept pumping you with his fingers for awhile to get you through it before he pulled his fingers and climbed up to your lips. Planting kisses while your body still trembled with lower intensity.

“Did you make a right decision to pop your cherry with me?” He smirked after you finally back from your explosive orgasm.

“That was amazing.” You smiled.

“I know that was.” He raised his eyebrow. “But it would be even more amazing if we do it next time as a boyfriend and a girlfriend.”

You narrowed your eyes for a mere second before you rolled your eyes, finally got what he meant. “That was smooth as fuck, baby boy.”

“So, will you be my girlfriend, noona?”

Without saying a word, you pulled him into a gentle kiss.

END.

[bittersweetrebellion1212]

Okay so I'm gonna tell you my dream..... although it's causing me doubt and to rethink everything and if you're really the one for me or not..... and if not, worried that you might b against me n that maybe I shouldn't reveal any if of this info to you cuz then you would know that I'm on to you n would only try to deceive me more........ but gonna tell you anyway on the off-chance that it's the other way around........ that you r the one for me and that some other entity is trying to deceive me to lead me way away from you....(as the video I woke up to this morning stated...... n how I also saw a hawk today, which is in the title of the channel, so just going ahead and trusting that as a sign that the video is the truth).......... okay so here we go...

So the dream took place at the house I grew up in... some of these details of the scenario aren't exactly important but I just wanna explain that anyway to give you a clearer picture of the dream.

So we were in the kitchen, it was me n you n my parents n I think my sister, they were sitting at the kitchen table, we were all conversating (not sure about what exactly), but me n you were standing like in front of them n we were like all lovey-dovey with each other like when people first fall in love u know... like it reminded me of my first true love relationship, like holding hands n flirting n being playful with each other.... n it was like you were part of my family, like they knew you and liked and accepted you n we were all just hanging out like a family does.... like I said, I cant remember what we were talking about but it was like with them n then I said to them that you told me that you haven't believed in God for the last 7 years..... n then I like playfully pulled you aside, away from them and was kissing you on your lips and telling you I love you, and you were kissing me back as well, like you meant it too, we were both smiling, very happy n flirtatious n playful n just totally in love..... n I whispered in your ear in between the kisses "I know why"..... "because you ARE" (let that sink in)....

But this is the messed up part......

It was during that time that I was whispering in your ear thar suddenly your formation changed.......like for a split second..... suddenly you represented someone else......a person with dread locks who looks like you.... yes I'm talking about a specific person here..... I dont know if your formation changed back after that or what happened, that's all I remember.... but from what I get from what I said to you is that you don't believe in God cuz you don't believe in yourself..... (or haven't [truly] for the last 7 years) ...... but as far as the other part........ I just don't get it.....

I woke up feeling wonderful like we were together, in love, KISSING in my dream (I haven't dreamt of that in SOOO LONG....) but then I remembered the part where you shifted n it threw me off n started making me question n doubt everything again.........

N this isn't the first time I had a dream like that..... this is the 2nd time.... the other time was awhile back when I first posted the song Happy by Ashanti. It was like the night or so before I posted that I had a similar dream...... of him.... well it was your face, when I looked closely......but with his hair...... n you were sitting on a horse..... It shocked me, I didn't know what it was supposed to mean..... like if he is really the one for me..... or if he is you or you r him or you r pretending to b him or he is pretending to b you or what!!!!..... n same with this dream...... it has me doubting everything up to this point.... is someone trying to show me that he's really the one.......????

Im gonna b honest..... I go back n forth with it (sometimes).... sometimes i feel so deceived by you i tell myself is gotta b him n so I stay following him n I try.... I TRY..... to find something I like about him.... n dont get me wrong, I like him, he seems like a great guy....but....like.....that....spark.....just isn't there.... I dont feel it with him.... he doesn't turn me on like you do...... so I wonder how it could b him..... or is it just that you r deceiving me n I just have extremely strong lust for you cuz you got me under your spell or some shit..... n that's why I can't feel that way about him or ANYONE else for that matter...... n it just gets me thinking n doubting n worrying n fearing..... like..... you r so "bad" how could you b good for me.... but it's like he seems too "good", he's so boring to me..... but I dont even see you as bad.... like yeah u got a bad side..... but I know you have a heart too.... n it's the most beautiful heart I've ever witnessed...... n yours n his energies r different... like....you... r ... so.... compelling.....so charismatic.....so...alluring..... but that could just b a trick on me.... like.... not everyone in the world sees you as this..... but i feel like i just see a deeper part of you than most n that's what i am so in love with.... what draws me to you so much over anyone..... n i feel like.... you r part of me... like.... i just feel at home with you.... plus all the signs I've been seeing since starting over 15 years ago.... why tf would I b being misled my whole fkin life......?????

So yeah.... this is what I'm going thru right now..... trying to figure this out.... trying to figure out what is the significance of him???? N you????? N why is this so....confusing....... n how could my heart b wrong.....? The way I feel about you in my heart...... how could that b wrong.....? Could you really deceive my heart in such a way......? Or is it some other force trying to draw me away from you.....? N for what reason...? Obviously to keep me away from you but is that for my benefit or my harm.....?

Too many questions , like I gotta just stop thinking about it but then it leaves everything unanswered..... just fkin crazy man.....like yeah I just wanted to share that with you.....hopefully it wasn't a stupid choice......🤔🤔

[peculiar-headphones]

all we see is sky

im thirsty for Constant Attention so im posting a couple of my ao3 fics on here bc why the hell not

anyways, here, kleinsen

read on ao3  

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks since Evan Hansen had last spoken to him. Granted, he had yelled at him for using him in the whole Connor ordeal, but he had cooled off the next day. He had expected that Evan would be desperately trying to apologize. But no, it was radio silence. He was tempted to actually approach him, but he was too prideful for that. He figured that Evan wasn’t talking to anyone really.

Jared figured wrong. He walked into the cafeteria to see Alana, Zoe, and him all joking, laughing, talking with each other. When did that happen? Weren’t they both like, extremely pissed at him? Obviously not, as Jared was observing right now. He walked over to his usual table, where all of his, friends(?) sat. As usual, he didn’t engage with them very often. Giving only the occasional nod and fake laugh.

It seemed as if the three were joined at the hip, the only time they weren’t next to each other was when they had different classes or when Alana had some extracurricular thing going on. It was honestly beginning to get on Jared’s nerves. What was he missing? Didn’t they practically have a bonding moment over how pissed they were at Evan? He had the next period with Alana, so he could ask then.

World history seemed to drag on the rest of the period, and every once and awhile he would see Zoe and Evan pass in the hallways running errands or something like that. He would occasionally zone out until the teacher yelled at him for not paying attention. Finally, the bell rang, and Jared hurried as best he could to math.

Of course, no one in their right mind ever looks forward to math class, not even when it’s the second to last class of the day. But Jared was confused, and whenever that happened it felt like an itch he couldn’t scratch until he figured out what the hell was going on. Even better, he sat next to Alana, so he wouldn’t have to risk tossing notes. Alana took her seat next to Jared, and he turned to face her.

“Okay, I gotta ask. When did you and Evan become friends, or, acquaintances or whatever again?” Jared inquired. Alana gave him a confused look.

“We reconciled about a week and a half ago. Are you just now noticing?” Alana answered.

“Yeah, actually. Why though?”

“Well, Zoe and I both agreed that though Evan did lie, a lot of good did come from it. The Conner Project has been doing a lot of work lately and the positive response looks good on a college application. Of course we were upset that he lied, but we all have our faults, and he meant no harm by it. Of course that does not excuse his actions, but he’s working to be a better person. He approached us a few days later stating his regret and we decided to forgive him.”

“Wait,    he       approached you guys?”

“Yes. Why? Has he not spoken to you as of late? I knew we spoke to him about it, but...”

Jared didn’t to the rest of what Alana was saying. He had never payed attention in math before(did anyone ever actually pay attention aside from Alana?), but usually he would just stare off into space. Now his thoughts were swarming. Why hadn’t Evan talked to him? Maybe apologizing to him took more courage than the girls? This meant he would actually have to go seek Evan out and confront him about this. He was literally snapped out of his thoughts when the teacher began snapping his fingers in front of his face. His head shot up and did a quick look around. The class giggled as the teacher went back to his lesson. Jared sighed, he didn’t have the next class with Evan, so he had to wait until after school to talk to him. Hopefully he would be able to trap him at his locker.

Math and Language Arts seemed to take forever, but after what felt like a million years, the final bell rang, and Jared rushed to his locker. He quickly grabbed his bag and shoved his books in, then had to fight the crowd to make his way to Evan’s locker. Thankfully, he had gotten there at the same time as Jared. Evan looked at him like he was a deer in the headlights. Jared didn’t actually think this through, he was unsure of what to say, so he said the first thing that came to his mind.

“So you’ll talk to them but not me?” he regretted it almost instantly, Evan looked like he was on the verge of crying. Jared made an attempt to correct himself.

“I uh, I mean, you’ve been talking to Zoe and Alana a lot lately and not me and Alana said that you had apologized to them so I just figured that you were like, uh, avoiding me, or something.”

Evan’s expression seemed to calm down a bit, but then it hardened.

“I was.”

Evan turned to open his locker, twisting in his combination.

“Wait, wait what?” Jared was even more confused than before.

“W-well, I originally was going to apologize to you after I apologized to the girls, but they pointed out some stuff and then I realized they were right, so I didn’t.” Evan’s voice seemed to quiver.

“Hang on, why would they talk you out of it? This doesn’t make any sense.”

“I mean, I’ve always known that you don’t actually care, so not apologizing to you would just bring your ego down a little, but you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. And then Zoe and Alana pointed out all of the times that you stressed that we weren’t actually friends, and how you were only nice to me so your parents would pay your car insurance and-”

Evan rattled on about how shitty of a person Jared was to him, his voice slowly breaking down, and Jared could only stand there dumbfounded. Evan was completely right, he had never once actually been nice to Evan. He had used Evan just like he used him. He grabbed Evan by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. Evan was tearing up and tried to search for something else to say.

“Evan, your mom’s at work, right? Come with me.” Jared spoke, doing his best to keep his composure, Evan only nodded and grabbed his bag from his locker. Jared grabbed his wrist and guided him to his car.

The car ride was silent, Jared kept on looking over to Evan, who was gazing out the window. He could tell he was crying, but had no clue what to say. He felt an aching tug in his chest.  

Once Evan realized they were at the orchard, he turned to face Jared, his cheeks tearstained. Jared didn’t say anything, just got out of the car and gestured for Evan to follow him. It was a nice day, a tiny breeze blowing through the open field. Jared found a nice area in the middle and sat down. He patted the spot next to him, and Evan hesitantly sat down. Jared was unsure of what to say. As he looked around at the trees surrounding the field, he recalled a conversation he had heard between his parents and Evan’s mom. He glanced over to Evan, who was hugging his knees.

“You….you didn’t fall, did you? When you broke your arm?” he asked cautiously. Evan didn’t acknowledge it, but he had definitely heard him.

“You let go, didn’t you?” he specified, and Evan broke down. He buried his face in his knees and sobbed. Jared would admit, there were about a thousand different ways he could’ve approached that better. He scooted closer to the crying boy and wrapped his arm around him. His hand ran through his hair. He had never knew how    soft       Evan’s hair was.

Evan proceeded to cry for about five minutes. Jared didn’t know what to say, how to comfort him. All he knew is that he wanted to cry too. He rested his head on Evan’s shoulder.

“You know, I’m glad that you survived the fall. I really am.” Jared said, just loudly enough for Evan to hear. Evan sniffed and chuckled through his sobs.

“Sure you are.”

“I am, I really am.” he twisted a lock of hair around in his fingers as Evan continued crying.

Eventually, Evan’s crying had ceased. Both of them were now laying on their back, watching as the clouds rolled by. Excepts for the wind whistling in the trees, everything was quiet. Jared let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He had to say something.

“You remember when I first started calling you a family friend?” Jared asked.

“Yeah, it was like, almost immediately after we met.” Evan answered quietly.

“At the time, I didn’t really understand it, why I wanted to be distant from you, what I was feeling. But I knew that I didn’t want anyone else to figure out my feelings before me. I had some kind of feeling that it would cause me a lot of grief.”

Evan turned his head to look at Jared, who was staring up at the sky.

“Of course, as I grew older, I figured it out. And then I just tried to hide it more. I figured that maybe if I could make myself hate you, I’d get over it. I didn’t. And it spiraled out of control, I can’t imagine how much I hurt you in the process. When you think about it, you probably wouldn’t have been in that shitty situation if I had just been there for you.” Jared chuckled. He could feel his eyes tear up, and he shifted his body closer to Evan’s so that their shoulders touched..

“I’ll admit, it hurt a lot to see you walk away to a better offer, even if I was a shitty person." Jared turned his head so that his eyes met Evan's. "But I am sorry  that I hurt you.” Jared entwined his fingers with Evan’s, giving his hand a small squeeze. To his delight, Evan squeezed back.  

He saw that tears had begun to well up in Evan’s eyes. He leaned his head over and gently kissed the top of his forehead. Evan’s hand began to tremble ever so slightly as Jared pulled away. Silence once again enveloped the area around them. This time, it was Evan who broke it.

“I’m sorry too.” Jared smiled, and gave Evan’s hand another squeeze.

“S-so are we, er, d-dating now?” Evan inquired shyly. Jared suppressed a laugh.

“I would think so. I mean, if you want to.”

Evan nodded, smiling a bit. They turned onto their sides. Evan buried his head underneath Jared’s chin, his hands slightly gripping onto the other’s shirt. Jared wrapped his arms around Evan, and kissed the top of his head, inhaling the scent of his hair. It smelled of pine, or maybe cedar, he couldn’t tell. His new boyfriend truly was a nerd.

They wished they could stay like that for forever, just letting the world pass by, and they could be alright. But eventually the sky grew dark, and they made their way back to the car. Jared called his parents to let them know he would be staying over at Evan’s that night.

And all was well in the world.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action. 

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders* 

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3 

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head 

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways. 

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little. 

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different. 

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

 “and in turn - for yourself too” 

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there. 

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them” 

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing! 

Why i am pointing this out is that  - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple. 

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them. 

At least thats how it is for me! 

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well 

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool 

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring. 

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama! 

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :) 

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :) 

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think! 

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~ 

So lets re-cap :3 

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)

[rieshon]

Winter 2019 Season Preview

I can't believe it's another goddamn year. 2019 marks my fifteenth year of watching anime, which fucks me up to even write. The about 540 anime I've seen in the intervening years doesn't even feel like that many when I think about how I've literally spent half my life watching these Chinese girl cartoons. Onwards and upwards, I guess.

1 Girly Air Force: Oh fuck yes. Sukasuka is still the best LN I've read, but Girly Air Force is far and away my favorite and it should be obvious why: it's got cute girls, it's got airplanes, it's got cute girls who ARE airplanes! The story is surprisingly well-done and if Satelight's adaptation is on point this could be a pretty good show. Phantom is best girl and Izawa Shiori sounds perfect as her, so we've already got that going for us.

2 Endoro~!: Okay, so Release the Spyce was bad. That's not Namori's fault, though, 'cause the characters were still adorable. This is Namori's next try at being an anime character designer, and it definitely looks better than Spyce ever did. Cute girl lighthearted fantasy is definitely a good genre (it's why I played Priconne for as long as I did despite the game being terrible) and the pastel colors all over this show tell me I'm home. Kaori, director of one of the best cute girl anime of the last decade, Yuyushiki, helms the project and venerable Studio Gokumi animates. Yeah, this is AOTS.

3 Kouya no Kotobuki Hikoutai: Based Tsutomu is BACK, babey! Somehow, this is his first TV project in three years (after the lackluster Mayoiga) though he's obviously been hard at work making more of Garupan as slowly as possible and probably also working on that Shirobako movie that's in the oven. I'm sure it's hard being an anime god. It's definitely disappointing that this is a full CG anime, but the fact that it's about planes and being made by Tsutomu is enough for me to overlook that fact. It's not quite the Daisan Hikou Shoujotai anime we've all been waiting for, but it's close enough.

4 Ueno-san wa Bukiyou: I have a hard time believing this will be anything but comedy of the season in three months' time. The excerpts from the manga I have seen are amazing, and the trailers have been brilliant as well. Plus, Serizawa Yuu in the lead role, and it also has one of the surest signs of a comic hit (at least in my book) which is the male lead also being played by a girl―Tanaka Aimi in this case. The character designs definitely capture tugeneko's unique style. This should be great.

5 Watashi ni Tenshi ga Maiorita!: Clearly this is the spiritual successor to Uzamaid. Perverted channee hnnngs over some cute lolis? That's almost always good. Said lolis look incredibly adorable, and the protagonist will be played by the always-brilliant Ueda Reina, who should shine in a role like this. It's definitely hard to imagine this one missing.

6 Kakegurui XX: I never expected this show to get a sequel, but I'm sure not complaining about it. Everyone's favorite hot Akagi expy is back, babey. I can't wait to see some more sexy gambles. Hearing Hayamin's lewd voice is worth the price of admission by itself, and it looks like there are new hot channees coming by the truckload in this second season. Sign me the fuck up.

7 Gotoubun no Hanayome: I'm mad at this show because I thought Ayaneru was supposed to play all five heroines, but apparently that was just for a commercial for the manga and they cast five different people for the actual anime. I wanted to hear quintuple Ayaneru! This show still looks like a good harem, though, and of course does still provide one Ayaneru. The rest of the cast are no slouches either, and despite the Ayaneru presence I think Ayachi's character looks like the best girl.

8 Domestic na Kanojo: Schoolteacher romance anime!?! FUUUCK YES. This is exactly what the doctor's been ordering. The Hiyocchi-voiced sensei looks adorable (as all anime teachers should be) and I am just 100% here for what is happening. There's also another cute girl, but, just give me Hina-sensei and I'll be happy.

9 Date A Live III: Hard to believe the original DAL anime was almost six years ago. I stopped following the series closely when DAL2 was bad, but I'm still excited for this new sequel. The girls are still great and so is the premise, they just need to actually have money to make a good anime this time around. Happily, J.C. Staff have been pegged to animate this time instead of the perenially inconsistent Production IMS, with the principal creative staff (including director Motonaga Keitarou) still intact. So it should be pretty good!

10 Kemurikusa: Yes Tatsuki, yes tanoshi! I still haven't seen Kemono Friends so I can't speak personally to Tatsuki's alleged genius but I have seen some of his short anime he posts online and they're always brimming with atmosphere, so I'm excited to check this out.

11 Mahou Shoujo Tokushusen Asuka: The latest in a seemingly endless line of anime that ask, 'How can we take the concept of magical girls but make it edgy?' Okay, I admit, the idea of magical girls who wield Kalashnikov rifles is actually pretty great... It just depends on how seriously the show takes itself, because this is not a concept that should be played straight. Strike The Blood's Yamamoto Hideo is set to direct, and STB was a show that definitely knew how to toe the line between serious action and lighthearted antics, so hopefully it will be good.

12 Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai ~Tensai-tachi no Ren'ai Zunousen~: Though I'm a long-established devotee of the Church of Blondenblu, black hair and red eyes is pretty close behind as far as I'm concerned, so this show's titular Kaguya-sama definitely looks good. Plus that forehead! There's also a nice blondenblu girl voiced by Hanabee. Looks like a cute romantic comedy.

13 Manaria Friends: Yeah, this is finally happening after years of development hell, apparently being produced entirely in-house by Cygames and their animation studio CygamesPictures. From what I hear, this is supposed to be a lot different from the mainline Bahamut anime: kind of nichijou-kei, and apparently gay as hell. Cute girl and her demon girlfriend? Yep, sign me the fuck up.

14 Circlet Princess: It's always good when the "story" tab on your show's website is under construction when your show starts in like two weeks. This is apparently based on a DMM web game, but the writer and designer is Kio Nachi, who was responsible for the game and anime of the way-better-than-it-should-have-been Ao no Kanata no Fourhythm, so it might be good. The voice cast is a star-studded assemblage of veterans like Gotou Mai, Nabatame Hitomi, and Mizuhashi Kaori... With the turnover in the seiyuu industry as of late it's nice to see that vets like this can still get main-cast roles and aren't just relegated to playing the moms of the latest 18 year old darling. But I digress.

15 Boogiepop wa Warawanai: Otherwise known as Boogiepop Phantom in the West, this is the latest classic property to get the remake treatment. I've always meant to watch the original, but never did. Boogiepop was one of the original series to start the modern "light novel" movement, and I've always heard great things about it, but other than that I really know nothing about the story so I'll be going in blind. I'm sure Ao-chan and Oonishi will be great in it at least.

16 Rinshi!! Ekoda-chan: I have no idea what Ekoda-chan is about (other than it's a 4koma manga) but this adaptation looks like it's some art. Apparently every episode will have both a different director and a different actress playing the titular Ekoda-chan. Presumably, we are about to See Some Shit. Names set to direct episodes include some names like Sugii Gisaburou (Touch, Ginga Tetsudou no Yoru) and Mochizuki Tomomi (Ranma 1/2) and Kitani Yoshitomo (GaoGaiGar) so we're definitely in for something.

17 Egao no Daika: It's time for your seasonal dose of robot anime with hot girls in it. It's going to be awhile until I can see a show like this again and think "Gridman was better," but hey, this one's got some hot girls in it too. This is brought to us by longtime mecha anime guy Suzuki Toshimasa, who was responsible for a recent sentimental favorite of mine, Rinne no Lagrange. The character designs are the work of Nakamura Naoto, who also did the job on High School Fleet. That show was notable more than anything for having an incredibly large and diverse cast of incredibly cute girls, so that's a good sign.

18 Pastel Memories: This show has nothing to do with Plastic Memories, but that doesn't stop be from thinking of that every time I see the title. If you immediately suspect it to be a social game adaptation after seeing the art and logo, you would be extremely correct. The key visual on the show's homepage does not inspire confidence, but the animation looks fine in the PV at least. As a genre, "cute girls from social games fighting monsters" generally produces rubbish, but I appreciate that the action at least looks to be hand-drawn in this one. The show does have Rieshon in it, who I feel like I haven't heard in ages, so that's nice.

19 Bermuda Triangle ~Colorful Pastrale~: I've always been on record as saying mermaid girls suck because they don't have legs, and I still stand by that. Why should I get excited about a cute girl anime if there's no ftmm to ogle??? I'll still watch it cause it promises to be a nichijou-kei cute girl anime (and there's a channee mermaid who wears hoop earrings which almost makes up for the lack of legs) but I'm not going to be happy about it damnit.

20 Minitoji: It's some kind of SD Toji no Miko spinoff. I'm sure I'm in the minority just like, in general, but I really enjoyed Tojimiko so I'm happy enough to see this being made. It looks like the protagonist from the (truly dreadful) mobile game adaptation is making an appearance, so I guess that thing is making enough money to have this produced... Hey, if I get to see more of Hiyori-chan being gay, I'm down.

21 Tate no Yuusha no Nariagari: It's light novel anime. When the show's "characters" page is half dudes it's never a good sign, especially for a show in this genre. Probably the most interesting thing about it is that Kevin Penkin, who did the fantastic music for 2017's Made in Abyss returns to anime work here... But it will probably be in service of a lame, too self-serious fantasy plot with lots of dudes grimacing.

22 Grimms Notes The Animation: Grimms Notes is a shitty social game so you can already see where this is going. It feels like a waste of my time to even write a preview for it since I know I'll be dropping this before the first episode is even over. At least it has a blondenblu girl, I guess.

23 Yakusoku no Neverland: Did you guys know noitaminA is still a thing? Remember when it was relevant? This is this season's noitaminA show and it looks like exactly the kind of thing I watch out of obligation because it looks like "art" and then drop even after saying I'll give the second episode a chance. The protagonist's face gives me bad juju. At least most of the male characters are voiced by girls since they're kids.

24 revisions: Enver Hoxha's least-favorite anime is brought to us by Netflix. It looks like, honestly, exactly what I expect from Netflix at this point. The CG animation doesn't look great (Shirogumi doing it this time, instead of Netflix stalwart Polygon Pictures) and it has the same kind of serious sci-fi feel as shows like A.I.C.O. Incarnation. Probably won't be that good, but these shows that strive to feel like Western cable thrillers have a bad habit of being pretty easy watches.

25 Virtual-san wa Miteiru: I don't think I actually want to watch this. I like to watch some virtuals sometimes but... No.

[tijuana-blues]

I waited until i got to work to type this.

The end of this month crosses the 1 year mark. only one year ago my world was completely different, and on the Verge of Collapse. A little backstory is needed before i continue.

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Work didnt stress me, no problems arose. My parents texted me and my brother to eat steak for Dinner. The Food was delicious, and i was preparing to head home, hit a Nice Big Dab, play a round of Smite, and hit the sack, seeing as how i hadnt slept in over 24 hours, and the only thing fueling me was the Gram of Coke i bought on Monday lol.

So as i Get up to Put away my dishes and say goodbye, i get a FaceBook Message. Its my Cousin, Isaiah.

He says he got into an Argument with his dad and got kicked out. He needed somewhere to sleep for the night. 

Sure, I tell him. I cant just ignore him if he has nowhere to go. He meets me at my house 5 Minuets later with a backpack full of beer, a bottle of Vodka, and half a loaf of bread and sandwhich meats. My Cousin is crazy lmao, he has the Apache Blood in him more than me. Anyway, since hes staying, i ask if he can find some Wax, so i wouldnt be taking from my Brothers Stash. We meet up a half hour later and pick it up.

so were in my garage, passing the rig back and forth while i Showed him how Smite Worked. And then suddenly he pulls a rolled up baggie out his pocket.

A rolled white Baggie full of powder.

“well we can finish this off, then. since youre letting me Crash here.”

Im not one to ask for payment to crash at my place, but i wasnt gonna say no either lol.

he pours it out on the glass i had been using myself and began to chop it fine with the razor blade i used too.

i had taken a couple pretty good sized dabs in quick order, so i was pretty toasted when he handed me the glass and rolled up dollar. I only saw the 2 lines he had cut on it, so i just assumed he cut two for both of us and i was going first. So i just aim the dollar at the line on the right and Snort away, dragging the dollar quickly, then my Nostril Burst into Flame. I had made a mistake, he cut one line for Me from the PILE on the left.

The PILE i just Tornado’ed up my nose, and was now drinking water to keep my throat from going numb from the river of coke mucus running down it.  I hear my Cousin laughing next to me.

“youre a maniac, Cuz! you railed that whole Fat ass pIle!”

Well Fuck. so much for sleeping. Lighting Coursed through my Veins 5 minuets later, and i started drinking Beers to fight the Drip.

Now Isaiah told me that it was Good Shit, but i hardly take his word for it Nowadays. hes off mark most of the Time. Not this time, Though.

15 Minutes Later im Chainsmoking Cigarettes out front of my Driveway Drinking beer and my Jaw was shaking in my Head.

You know its  Good Shit when it makes someone who spent the last 24 hours doing Coke often, gives him the Jabber Jaw.

me and Isaiah just began to talk bullshit into the NIght. at Around Midnight he was talking about a girl he knew for awhile now liking him. And him liking her too but he didnt think a Relationship would be good at the Time.

Then Youre Face appeared in my Head. Like it always does. I havent Gone a day yet where i dont see you in my head.

I dont know what caused this, Perhaps it was the Coke in my System with the Beer. Or Maybe it made me finally push past my Insecurities.

i Began to talk about how i Felt the Same, how i couldnt really talk to other women or really want to because of the Luggage i was Still Carrying with My Ex, Maria.

And from there i began to talk and Talk and Talk. I couldnt Stop, the Words i had been saying in my head Every day this Past Year came out.  I sat in my Garage all night Long, Until 5:00 AM, Talking to Isaiah About Her.

I didnt hold back, and surprised myself as my eyes stayed dry and my Voice Stone Cold.

I told HIm about How every Woman i ever Dated All Cheated on Me and Left me without a Second Glance.  About How My First Girlfriend Megan roped me into a 3 year Lie and ruined my trust in people. I talked about how the girls i dated afterwards all did the same thing, and how i wished i was joking to him.

I told him about how i blamed myself for each failed relationship, and how id spend nights trying to figure out a way to fix myself. How i felt like i wasnt meant to be Happy with anyone and how i stuffed it all down deep and dealt with it only in my most private moments.

...And Then i told him about How I Met her in my Junior Year of High School. The Class was Anatomy, a class full of 24 teenagers with the worlds Laziest Teacher. It was the First Day, and I walked in to a semi empty classroom with kids walking around, picking out a seat for the rest of the semester. the desks all faced forward, in groups of twos in four rows across. I took a seat on the outside Left side around the Middle. I just dropped my Bag and sat in my Seat, waiting for the class to start, checking my phone every now and Again. 

And the seats began to fill up, the Desk next to me taken by a Tall Nerdy looking kid with blonde hair and Garth Glasses, A KId i Befriended. Daniel Butttruck. Thats not how you spell the last name but thats how it sounds lol. So i named him Butt Truck and thats his name to this day lol. 

The Chair in front of Daniel on the right was taken by a Friend of Daniels, A glasses clad Girl name Aly, And all you need to know about her is that she has a IQ just North of a Bedroom Slipper.

And lastly, A Girl In crutches slowly approached the chair in front of me, and slid into the Chair as the class started. She had a big black velcro Boot strapped to her Leg, and it stuck out into the walkway on our left a bit. She had Dark Hair that was cut into a really cute short style. At first i didnt really notice her until a few weeks into the semester where the Teacher flipped the front two desks around, making Pods of 4. So Now She Faced me and Aly faced Dan on the right. 

Thats When i noticed her.

She had Brown Eyes that shone slightly, like Fine Wood Tarnished to a Dark Brown Mixed with Lighter Browns. Her nose was a small little Button Nose between her prominent Cheekbones that raised when she smiled. She didnt Wear much Makeup, or at least looked like she didnt. I remember to this day about how i would see her smile and laugh a bit as we all got comfortable as a group, me cracking Jokes and being dumb some days, with Days. As time passed i began to Notice her more. I began picking her out in the hallways as i walked to class. Sometimes I would say Hi and see her reaction.She was like me in some ways, wasnt a morning person, and had the same sense of Humor. I remember the time Dan Told us about how he Broke his Leg at Blizzcon.

Yeah, if youre not 12 years old, Dan was the Kid who Broke his Leg in like 2006 at Blizzcon Dancing like a Zombie. He was on Tosh.O or was going to be? ill ask him next time i see him lol. Anyway, hes telling us this story and Maria and I are Freaking Out because we realized he is Internet Famous, and Laughed Like Crazy.

Soon enough, I went from saying hi when i saw her to stopping by her morning class to say hi and chat, since my morning class was down the hall from hers, then sometimes wed walk toward our next class. Mind You, i Was a Junior at 17-going on 18, and Maria was two years younger than me. I never tried to flirt with her, but i enojoyed talking to her. I remember clearly One Winter Morning as i walked in from the Bus Lanes to my Morning Government Class, I see her standing by her Morning classroom, i dont remember what it was. She had her phone and was tapping away on it. I quickened my Pace as i passed her, and called out, “Maria!” she popped her head up and looked at me, and i Flipped her off. She gave a look of Confusion and laughed, walking into her classroom as the bell rang. I remember giggling to myself as i sat down, then asking myself, “Why the fuck did i do that for?? Idiot!”

That was the beginning of my Senior Year, Graduated 2011. We didnt have much contact after i Graduated, while i did the little schooling i did do, and work at that God Awful Produce Factory that first year out of High School.It wasnt until about a year or so later, when i started my job at Wal-Mart and Moved in with Christian. i remember it being Spring When i Saw Her Again. I Was collecting carts to put back in the cart corral, when i heard a Girls Voice Call my Name out in the Parking Lot.

I look out towards Barros Pizza in the plaza and i saw her Again.

It was a Bright Sunny Day, Not too Hot yet in the Summer. Her Hair had grown a bit longer, but still had its shape. She wore a Bright Yellow SunDress with Sunflowers on it. I remember how Cute i thought it was on her. I remember this moment so clearly because it was in that moment i felt something inside my heart. Like a Spark running through it.

I smiled and walked out to meet her, she had two of her other friends with her, they had been eating at Barros. Maria Hugged me and Asked me how i had been, and i told her about how i started working there and i live on my own now, looking into colleges. We chatted for a few minutes before i had to go back to work. I asked for her number to text with and, she walked off. As i went back inside i remember the times in Anatomy with our little group, and how i used to enjoy chatting with her. it also made me Remember the day i flipped her off, Years ago. As i lay down in bed that night, I remember thinking of her and telling myself, “you know, i think she would be an awesome Girlfriend.”

Months Passed and i hadnt had much Contact with Maria. I had my own problems at the time and i remember that period of my life to be so unstable i didnt want to date a girl and Live there lol. But i would text her every now and then and wed talk for a bit. I remember her dating someone at the time, and living with them. One Night in Particular I noticed she was posting on Tumblr and it seemed like she was Upset. So i Texted her and asked if she was doing alright. She said she was fine, but shes too much like me, i say that just to get people to leave me alone. I text back that she can talk or vent to me, that i didnt mind. And she did. She began to talk about her Relationship with her BF and how they rarely see each other because of work schedules and School. She told me she was thinking of just packing her things and leaving while he was at work. I told her, “Do what you have to do. if you arent happy, why are you there?”

i texted about a week or so later. She left him. She Began talking about moving to Portland With a Friend, and Getting out of AZ. I remember being bummed out at the news, my feelings for her had began to grow. I decided to step away for awhile, let those feelings go away. It must have been around 3 or  4 months later, or longer? But anyway, i see her posting on Tumblr Again, and i send her a DM asking how shes been, and if she moved to Oregon. She replied back and said her Friend Flaked, and that she really didnt want to go anyway. She says to text her, and i Ask for her Number Again. 

From then on, we talked semi often every couple days, more and more often as time passes. Finally, one Day i ask her to hangout sometime, go to the arcade, play air hockey. We had been talking pretty often by then, but no obvious flirting or anything. We meet up at the arcade and we take turns playing different games, Giant Connect Four, Air Hockey, Ticket Games. She bought me a little T rex with her tickets, i named him Revan. Then we just sat on a couch and People watched those who walked in. I remember feeling her arm against mine as we sat together, and Me leaning in Quickly and kissing her cheek, and Seeing her Smile.

About 4 or 5 more little Dates Later, I ask her if she would be serious, because i wanted to be.

Her Face Brightened as i saw her give the biggest Smile i ever seen from her, and she said Yes.

I told Isaiah how as the first year passed, i had been drunk off the happiness i had at the time. As i learned more about Maria, the more attractive she was to me. She is unlike any woman ive ever met before, or have met since. I told him about how i talked about her to my friends all the time, how smart she was, how she volunteered at a Funeral Home Embalming Bodies and playing with Corpses like a Badass. 

Then came my 22nd Birthday, on the first year we were dating in 2014. I didnt even want a present from her, she was all i wanted any day. I dont know why i never told her things like that. She Baked me Fudge Brownies after work on the week of my birthday, and i was more than happy.

Then she pulled a box out of Nowhere, Smiled That Warm Smile i Had come to Adore, and Said “Happy Birthday Babe!”

Before that Moment, i Cant recall a time that i was genuinely Surprised like that. I remember the words stopping in my throat and jumbled with the ones i had tried to say Next. Genuine Excitement as i opened the Long Brown Box. I opened the top flap and pulled the Styrofoam Casing to the Rectangle stick inside, Bright White with a Black Line going Down along the Length of it. And inbetween the space in the Line at the Hilt, Was the Red and White Sigil of the Uchiha.  

A fucking Uchiha Sword! Like i was in actual Disbelief when i Realized. And what i explain next i never told anyone other than Isaiah that night.

I had to Try my Hardest to keep from Crying in that moment. Not because i loved the Gift she had gotten me, and how she made it a surprise, Something no one has done for me before. 

It was because i remember a couple weeks before,as we scrolled Netflix one evening, i Saw Naruto on the list. I geeked out and asked you if you ever watched it, and began geeking out about it to her. I Made her watch some of my favorite episodes, and she would playfully Tease me about it. As My birthday neared, i came home from work one day to watch some Naruto Myself, and Booted up Netflix.

Someone went about 4 episodes ahead of where we Left off Last. I was at Work, and it was her Netflix Account. She actually started watching it because of how much i told her i liked it. Then She picked out something SHE thought i would like, instead of asking what I wanted like My Lazy Ass does.

No one had ever shown interest in Me like that before, and it touched me right in that moment. I blocked all emotion and was all smiled as i Hugged her Maria and told her how much i loved it. That thing was glued to my hip for like 2 months straight, i would get high after work and watch old Samurai and Ninja Movies, and act out the sword fighting with it. I even slept with it for the first Week.

In the days after that, i saw Maria in a whole new Light. I always knew the Maria who had her walls up to Anyone, the “i really dont care,” attitude she had when she was grumpy in the mornings. I got a glimpse at the Maria That was Behind that wall, The Real Maria.

Who Was sweet, considerate, and Generous. Loving and who could make me laugh.

Ever since that i saw that small glimpse of Her, My heart swelled and pumped blood thrice as hard, and my hands would shake and my mouth would get dry.

I was Falling in Love with you.

Hours have Passed, its Around 2 AM. The Line of Coke has me at Full Speed still, having plenty to say still. Isaiah just sits and drinks, giving the odd acknowledgement every couple of Sentences.

The months after my Birthday have passed, and things seem great between Maria and I. If i only knew what i know now.....

If i had just Put more Faith in You, and in my Heart. It Kills me to know how things would be if i had just manned up and told you how you made me feel....

After the first year, the strain began. We both worked. I had the accounting Job with the Contracting Company, and Maria was Working at a local Kids clothing store, and Volunteered at the Funeral Home, Along with her classes, AND she tutored.

i understood she had a full plate alot of the the time, not to mention the headaches and pains she would have. And that time of the month the poor girl was in pain Constantly.  So i didnt get upset or mad when she didnt have time to visit or was too tired from work. we were always talking.

But eventually the Strain and My past would come to Signal the End. it was August, 2015. My brother had fallen Behind on his Mortage Payments on his house, and needed to make a payment ASAP or he would lose the House. Naturally i gave him all the spare cash i could to keep a roof over our heads.

Unfortunately, It left me Penniless during the Month of August, which Marias Birthday was in.  I Felt Like Complete Shit but i was in a corner. I apologized to her and promised to make it up to her. It wasnt a big deal to her, but i just hated that it made me look like i dont give a shit. 

I had an Ace an hole, Though. i Saved a link to a site that makes Custom Rings that Maria had posted in Tumblr that she really liked and wanted. I ordered it and did it early enough to get it before Christmas.  It was already Too Late.

Maria was beginning to grow distant, not replying as soon or as often before. the replies getting shorter and shorter, the tone colder and colder. As we approached My birthday again, I plan a Group event with my friends and family, cause last year we went Paintballing and Maria wasnt there, she had work and class.

So im thinking of what i could do for a group, and i see that Charlie Murphy is doing a show ON my Birthday, a Friday! It was Perfect. I called and Reserved seats for everyone, ordered Bottle Service, i was so excited!

I texted Maria Telling her About the Comedy show and Date of My Birthday. She says she cant make it cause of work, she gets off at around 12. I was Bummed, but I understood. 

The Big Day comes and it starts off great. Work was a Breeze, and Maria greeted me with a Warm Happy Birthday first. As the day progressed Everything seemed Normal. As evening sets, we all get ready to go to the show. 8 o clock, Showtime!

it was a Fantastic Show, me and all my Friends and Family drinking and Laughing our Asses off. The only thing missing was Maria. I texted her before the show saying id text her after it was over. it woulda been near to midnight, and she coulda met up with us. The show ends around 1040, and the manager says we can finish off the bottles in the bar. Me and my Friends stay, and start getting Tanked. 

Midnight Comes, and i text Maria asking if she was off yet and if she wanted to come meet us. Time passes, and no reply.

she probably went home and crashed, she was probably tired, I think, as it wasnt Abnormal for her to Nap during the Day or whenever she could. So i check Facebook, and it Hits me.

A friend Tagged her and some friends at Westgate, not Long ago.

My heart Goes into FreeFall in My stomach.

Why would she be at Westgate After work? did she Ignore my Text...? why...?

My insecurites flared, and i assumed the worst. I remember everything going Quiet around me, My heart Hammering in my chest, blocking out all other noise.

i Shouldve just called. i Shouldve had more Faith in you, and what i Meant to you.

When every girl you date cheats on you and leaves, in a Row, it was hard not to assume the worst, when the worst is what always happens to you.

I remember the tears welling up in my eyes as i get up to go outside the bar. She went to go out with her friends, and she knew it was my Birthday Today....

It didnt make any sense to me, it all seemed so unbeliveable. But ive been wrong before. And add the excessive Alcohol, you get a Recipe for a Terrible Mistake. 

I wasnt Dumb, I knew Maria and I were Drifting apart, Our schedules getting more and more hectic. My job stressing me the fuck out day after day, Marias Packed Schedule.

I was so fucking stupid. Why did i wait? Why didnt i just drop to my knees and tell her when i look at her eyes, i feel like i could do anything. That when she was in my arms i Felt like i needed to become a Better man for her. Why did i wait?

December. Jerkoff Hipster making her ring is falling behind, gonna need a couple more weeks. delivery date mid Janurary. I Threw A fucking Fit. i could feel it all slipping away, no matter what I did. Why did i Wait?

I was so Terrified of Opening up to you, and you not feeling the same way. The Thought of looking into your eyes and telling you that i was in love with you, and i wanted to be with you forever, or until i died. I was Terrified of looking into your eyes and Shooting me down. The texts got shorter and shorter. only strengthening My doubts and Fears. 

Christmas. The Ring wasnt Ready yet. Another Fucking Embarassment. She got me a Captain Phasma Painting and some Marvel Shirts. I tell you, “look, i ordered this is time to get it for Christmas, but the Guy Got Delayed and it wasnt ready yet, but... i showed you the Ring on my Phone. 

It was the last smile i Saw on you in Person.

So many oppurtunities, wasted. so fucking Stupid. I promise to make it up to you.

Down to One Word Answers, or no Reply at all.

Janurary 2016. Hiroshima.

Valentines Day is Coming, Ill have the Ring Then! and i ordered a Cute little Stuffed Corgi to go with Some Flowers and a nice Romantic Date! i order everything and wait. 

You came over one week, and seemed in such a foul mood, i couldnt place it. I thought you were in Pain Probably. I tried to cuddle you, kiss your cheek, you clearly dont want the affection. I try something alittle more...Adult. 

You Grabbed my Wrist, and Yanked my Hand away, throwing it off you. I was in Shock. I still remember the look you Gave me that night, Clear as day. That Piercing Glare, Looking Right at me. Pure Anger. and Pain.

Youre replies, in thier Rarity, lacked no padding for thier sharp edges. I believe its all Over Now.

Late January 2016.

You came over one Last time. We had Sex one last time. I remember grabbing you after the first go around as you got up and laid you back down. I was such a Fool.

The Ring was Delivered that Weekend. Monday i text you to see when your free to visit next, your ring is ready and i wanted to see if it fit correctly. You reply your busy tomorrow. i ask with what? you reply with: Concert. i ask What concert. You say: Tribal Seeds.

You stopped Replying After That. The Next Day i texted you again asking when can you come hangout and see your Ring? 

You Broke up with me after that. 

It felt like everything around me had fallen below me, and all that was left was the dark and Silence. Typing about it now makes the Hole in my heart Ache. I remember how hard the Rain Poured that Night.....As i Cried along with it.

And it was only the Beginning for me.

The first weeks after that day are a blur to me. Either Too Many Drugs Or too Many Drinks, take your pic. i was Broken. One moment you were there, you were mine, and i was gonna fix everything come Valentines Day. I had a Nice Romantic Dinner planned, then a Scenic Walk where i would show you the ring and tell you that even though were having a Rough Patch right now, that i loved you and i wanted to do everything i can to prove it to you.

But you Had other plans didnt you?

God i can still feel my heart when I saw pictures of you and Him....I dont know how to Describe how Painful it was to see. It was only Feb, and you were already with someone else? Posting Valentines Shit? I cried for hours, I begged for you not to be like the others, To just leave me for Someone Else so Fucking Fast, like i was Nothing to you.

But thats how it went down, though. Didnt it?

Friends for over 5-6 Years, Lovers for 2.

I couldnt even get a goodbye.....Just a Text. Was that all i was worth, to you?

You got with him within Weeks of Dumping me. Yet your Tumblr youre heartbroken and sad. It was like i had Entered into some NIghtmare.

within the First Two Weeks, I dropped four Hits of Acid at Once. I wanted to Escape. Instead i jumped right into it. I see you posting on Tumblr. Sad, Depressing things. Your Tags show how you deleted the texts from your phone, even though you didnt want to. How you could literally see in your texts of your declining Affection for me. In the end, It was my own doing.

With the Courage of Acid, I messaged you. I ask if your okay, and you ask why, like i dont see your posts, like i dont possibly know why you could be feeling so sad. Even then, at the end, you couldnt be honest with me.

I ask you Maria cant we please Talk?

You say About what? Like you thought i was stupid.

And thats when i just finally, for the first time, although Far too Late. I opened up to you.

I remember Anatomy.

I Remember You At Barros that Day

I Remember Air Hockey at the Arcade.

I remember The Birthday Gift.

The Words poured out then like they do now, The Spark you set in my Heart was the most important thing to me.

Whatever i needed to do to make it work, no matter what, just please dont give up on me.....

You may as well as shot me dead with your reply.

“if you had said that before, things would be Completely different.”

“saying it Now doesnt Mean Much to me now”

Those words still Haunt Me, A Year Later. And it is not even the worst to come.

You Had the verdict long before i even knew. You Found my “dating Profile” Online, and didnt say anything. just let it stew inside you. As we grew apart it hurt to see you just blatantly ignore my messages. So i used that profile to look at women, nothing else. It was only on My Birthday i Night i Made a Mistake i Will Regret forever. Maria wasnt there, she was with her friends. she didnt want to come here, or answer my texts. she chose to be with my friends. I was always the girls’ Second Choice. I got Drunk. I got Upset. I wanted Petty Revenge. I cheated. I Dont even Remember her Name or what she really looked like. Never should have done it.

A month Passes. March. I ask to still be friends, and how i missed you. We start talking again, almost like how it used to be. Tagging each other in posts again.But i also See him. Concerts, posts, tags. It tore me apart. Some Days i would wake up at 4 AM from my alarm for work, and Your Face would be the first thing i see in my head. The Tears would flow before i could even open my eyes for the first time. I try to get you to meet up with me, so we can talk. After i opened up that night you agreed we should talk. Then you just changed your mind....You Said give it time, walk the path, smell the Roses, and maybe we can start again...

My heart is Pumping like a cannon as i go into detail for Isaiah, how i became a madman, was so motivated by the mere notion that MAYBE there was a CHANCE we could work it out later. I couldnt be stopped. I drank Nothing but Water, ate only Chicken, Raw Veggies, Salmon and Fish, and cut out ALL sugar and breads. I dropped 30 pounds in a Month, and was in great shape for a fight at the gym i trained at. I would watch these Inspirational videos everymorning at 3 AM, just to run for an hour. I posted everything on Snapchat, Only Because i Wanted Maria to see it. I was so Optimistic...

April 2016.

Family Vaction in Mexico. A week with a private beachfront Villa and as much Booze as i can drink. i go in with Gusto. The Villa Has Wifi, can keep up with your posts.tagged me in some. Then the posts about him.

I hated how it made me feel to read them. He had what i wanted for us. Our own Place. Just Us. and a Dog.

He took My Place and it Ate me Alive from the Inside.

I stayed up all night, drinking tequila by the shot, playing Toro Y moi and Chain smoking. I watched the reflection of the moon dance on the waves, and thought of you. When i hear the Ocean, and nights when the Moon is Large and Beautiful, i think of you. 

I Broke that night......

I knew there was no Path, no flowers to smell.

There was no Second Chance.

I Lost her.

And i couldnt get her back. She didnt want me anymore.

she wants someone else now, and when i Think about it I have to imagine Flames burning the thoughts away.

I guess after that night, i lost my motivation, i Wised up.

And i knew i had to come clean to you. It was the hardest thing i ever did.

It hurts so much still, looking back. Im So sorry...

Even after i hurt you that day, i still saw a sliver of you come through your walls.

I begged for you in time to forgive me, and over time we could be friends again. Let me earn back your trust, understand i made a Terrible Mistake and im willing to do anything to make it work.

Most people would have told me to go to hell and never talk to them again.

But not you. Not even then.

You Said, “ Maybe in time i will forgive you. maybe i wont. Depends on how i feel. for now you should make yourself scarce.”

I was stunned,,,those words hung on me for months after.  Did you really mean that, Maria?

And that was the last time i heard from you for awhile...i remember Breaking down at work....The Silence hurt the most. No Texts, No Posts, Nothing.

Not only did i lose the woman i Love, I lost a dear Friend as well...

When i Returned home, i Quit Training, I quit the fight, I quit Dieting. That deep, Dark Hole you brought me out of, Maria.....when i saw you that day....I went Right Back in.

since May 2016 i was in a hole that i could not get out of. sure, i made it look like i was living the life on snapchat, but in reality, on the inside, i was so broken.  Then Life Decided to kick me while i was down, and Took my Bonnie away from me. As if it couldnt get worse. My Brother and I Bawled as they put her to sleep. I was so fucking Lost.....

So i texted the one person who maybe might put up with my Bullshit....You.

and you were nice, you coulda kicked me when i was down and wouldve been justified. But you heard me out....More of that Real you shining through.

It is 4 AM now. i have spent all night telling this story to Isaiah, who has listened intently this whole time.

I tell him how after the months of Bonnies Death, I just didnt leave the house. Tried my Best to leave you be and not see shit that would kill me on the inside. The days became Quiet and Lonely. your presence in Tumblr becomes less and less active. 

I hardly see you or your posts anymore...

i harden my heart and try move on.

Then i see your posts about your health. the doctor scare, Lupus.

I felt so bad, and worried i wanted to see if you were okay, even though i knew you hate my guts.But i worried and Worried and finally said fuck it and just sent a message saying i heard what youre going through, im sorry, i hope you get better soon, if you need anything, please ask

I wasnt expecting a Response, Yet you sent one : Thanks for Caring.

couldnt expect more than that, so i leave it be.

That Night, Maria makes a post.

Its About me. 

My heart jumped into my throat and got stuck. My hands shook as i held my phone.

I didnt completely erase you out of my life.

i still think about you, from time to time.

Thank you for texting me today.

thank you for still caring about me.

Despite the shit i post on here, I still Care about you too.

And No its not the drugs Talking.

I read and Re-Read that post thousands of times in the following months. On Bad Days, Days where i wanted to give up. I read that post and it kept me going. First time reading it i Cried for hours. It was as if God heard a prayer.

To see you say that you still cared.....you will never know what that did. how that felt for me. Even Now it makes me tear up.

My heart didnt hurt as much after that, it healed some of it. I was always confused with Maria. One moment she says she cares, then comes off as your nothing to her. i never knew which was which.

and now, as the year came to face my Birthday again. There was only one thing i wanted. truly wanted. and if i got it, getting nothing else from anybody wouldnt even fucking matter.

I just wanted you to say Happy Birthday.

I didnt think you would. i thought you would have moved on by now, enjoying youre new life with him. I couldnt bleed about it any longer. i took the pieces of my heart and piece it back together again. i began to accept reality. and the pain began to dull.

NOV. 20th 2016

Saturday.

Woke up Early and went out to the woods to do some shooting. all day there. Head back for some Missouri BBQ, and get ready to get Blackout drunk Tonight. Night Goes well, Got trashed, had fun, Fought a couple dudes, enjoyed myself.

Got back to Devins Late that night. Eat Chocolate BDAY cake drunk.

Head off for bed. I sit on the edge of the bed and look at the time. 9:40 PM

She isnt gonna say it. Oh well. 

go to your blog to lookup your post to make me feel better.

Read the words, smile and Remember. Pain Begins to set in. 

back out of tags to leave, see another tag you never seen before.

“C and I”

click tag link.

Heart Explodes in my Chest, Breath Frozen in throat.

Its a picture. of us. Smiling. 

the Caption Read:” I know i have trouble expressing my emotions and feelings and stuff but this guy right here means the world to me. Hes sweet, caring and Funny and---”

I couldnt read the Rest. I began to Cry Non Stop, Like someone Just Told Me my mother was Murdered.

I couldnt stop it, couldnt control myself. The pain was so much. Each one more painful to look at. How did i never see them? How??

I couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt keep taking the pain of it. I deserved to be Happy too..

its been two months since that day.

its been over a year since i last seen you with my own eyes, heard your voice....

And now we reach the end of this story. i force myself to block out the memories, remember nothing.

I have to move on with my life....

and yet....after saying all that Isaiah, which After i had finished,  8 hours had passed. 8 hours i poured out my soul. such a weight had been lifted, it felt so good for someone to hear me out...

so i finish this sad story, and Isaiah asks me one question: How do you feel about her now?

I stayed quiet for a good amount of time. i mulled it over. every memory. Good. the Bad. The Ugly.  and i finally settled upon:

I miss her, Isaiah. Not like a lover misses his spouse, but like a friend who helped another Grow.

I hope to see you again one day, Maria.

[internetdetectives]

8/30/19 - Chat with Moonman and GHOSTBABEL

moonman31 2:11 PM: "the weather is crazy right now”

Xenquility 2:12 PM: "Rain?”

moonman31 2:12 PM: "nah not yet, soon though”

moonman31 2:12 PM: "Everything was cool here and suddenly we got all these hurricane warnings today”

Slinky stinks 2:13 PM: "its because it was 10hour version”

Xenquility 2:13 PM: "Think you'll be okay?”

moonman31 2:13 PM: "I should be?”

moonman31 2:13 PM: "Florida is used to hurricanes”

moonman31 2:13 PM: "just not so unexpectedly as this”

Mr t series good 2:13 PM: "You dumbasses”

Slinky stinks 2:13 PM: "yeah but an hurricane is a hurricane g”

otherLiam 2:13 PM: "As a fellow Floridian, he'll be okay.”

Slinky stinks 2:14 PM: "take care just in case”

otherLiam 2:14 PM: "The state's infrastructure is built for hurricanes.”

otherLiam 2:14 PM: "That being said, did Wolfcat actually play a song?”

Mr t series good 2:14 PM: "Yeah”

Mr t series good 2:14 PM: "That madlad”

Slinky stinks 2:14 PM: "he did a "Pro slinky move"”

Slinky stinks 2:14 PM: "and posted the 10h version of the SoS”

otherLiam 2:15 PM: "hmm”

moonman31 2:15 PM: "???”

moonman31 2:15 PM: "what are you guys talking about”

Jos 2:15 PM: "Hello, resume?”

Jos 2:15 PM: "Also my moonman”

moonman31 2:15 PM: "it's hurricane season…”

Slinky stinks 2:15 PM: "wait is there a hurricane season?”

otherLiam 2:15 PM: "there is”

Xenquility 2:16 PM: "There's a good chance it wasn't wolfcat”

moonman31 2:16 PM: "you think the song of storms summoned a hurricane?”

Jos 2:16 PM: "(:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅m̲̅a̲̅r̲̅i̲̅j̲̅u̲̅a̲̅n̲̅a̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅() this one after "death" should be gret”

Xenquility 2:16 PM: "There's literally a hurricane heading to Florida right now”

Jos 2:16 PM: "NOW that you mention that”

moonman31 2:16 PM: "wait”

moonman31 2:16 PM: "what is the name of that hurricane”

Slinky stinks 2:16 PM: "its an alternate universe hurricane”

Xenquility 2:16 PM: "Dorian”

Slinky stinks 2:16 PM: "imagine its called john lol”

moonman31 2:17 PM: "Weird”

moonman31 2:17 PM: "no ours is Helena”

Slinky stinks 2:17 PM: "Helena???”

moonman31 2:17 PM: "it feels like its not a coincidence though”

moonman31 2:17 PM: “the timing is too perfect”

moonman31 2:17 PM: “do you think someone is trying to get us?”

otherLiam 2:17 PM: "You said you just got hurricane warnings, right?”

moonman31 2:17 PM: "I mean all of us?”

Mr t series good 2:18 PM: "Wolf caused it moonman”

Slinky stinks 2:18 PM: "damn…”

moonman31 2:18 PM: "There's a lot of us in the various Floridas…”

moonman31 2:18 PM: "Wolf?”

otherLiam 2:18 PM: "We've known about Dorian for awhile, so it suddenly appearing out of nowhere for you seems pretty bad.”

moonman31 2:18 PM: "doesn't seem like Wolf would do that :\”

Jos 2:18 PM: "Wolf has been weird the past week.”

Xenquility 2:18 PM: "How long ago did the warnings appear?”

Slinky stinks 2:18 PM: "i mean”

Jos 2:18 PM: "i have a lot of proof”

Xenquility 2:18 PM: "(Wolf is always weird)”

Slinky stinks 2:18 PM: "helena sounds familiar”

Jos 2:18 PM: "no no”

Jos 2:18 PM: "weird stuff”

Jos 2:18 PM: "but”

otherLiam 2:18 PM: "...That reminds me. Moonman, it was mentioned to us that you think there's a traitor in our midst. Why do you think that?”

moonman31 2:19 PM: "Because they were posting your discord convos in the truth”

Mr t series good 2:19 PM: "What If Wolfs the traitor”

Slinky stinks 2:19 PM: "Wait what”

moonman31 2:19 PM: "that's all gone now though”

Mr t series good 2:19 PM: "Would Match with him Posting Songs”

moonman31 2:19 PM: "it was in the Internet Detectives thread”

Jos 2:19 PM: "@otherLiam accept friend”

otherLiam 2:19 PM: "we are now frens”

Mr t series good 2:20 PM: "Nice”

Slinky stinks 2:20 PM: "accept frend too liam”

otherLiam 2:20 PM: "did it”

Wolfcat 2:21 PM: "i posted the song of storms in reference to the actual hurricane hitting florida right now”

Mr t series good 2:21 PM: "Oh”

otherLiam 2:21 PM: "Were they posting discord convos from here, or the main ID discord?”

Wolfcat 2:21 PM: "i never meant for it to be an actual submission”

Mr t series good 2:21 PM: "Sorry then wolf”

otherLiam 2:21 PM: "Well, Slinky didn't mean the Elegy to be an actual submission”

moonman31 2:21 PM: "they were from the ID discord”

moonman31 2:21 PM: "mainly”

otherLiam 2:21 PM: "but here we are”

Slinky stinks 2:21 PM: "lol”

Slinky stinks 2:21 PM: "okay”

Slinky stinks 2:21 PM: "prolly it was the first post”

Slinky stinks 2:21 PM: "it was made by nocta”

otherLiam 2:21 PM: "Then that doesn't necessarily mean we have a traitor, anyone can join that thing and take screenshots.”

Slinky stinks 2:22 PM: "but its deleted”

Wolfcat 2:22 PM: "nocta was also spying on our tumblr if im remebering correctly”

Slinky stinks 2:22 PM: "and a lot of people joined and quitted recently”

moonman31 2:22 PM: "uh well i thought you need special perms to go beyond the welcome area”

moonman31 2:22 PM: "but this was going on for a while”

Slinky stinks 2:23 PM: "oh yeah”

Slinky stinks 2:23 PM: "the ID role”

Slinky stinks 2:23 PM: "i couldn't see the general with my Side Acc”

otherLiam 2:23 PM: "Hrm.”

ɢʜᴏsᴛʙᴀʙᴇʟ 2:26 PM: "ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴛᴡᴏ ʜᴜʀʀɪᴄᴀɴᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴄᴏɪɴɪᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴄᴇ? sᴇᴇᴍs ꜰɪsʜʏ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ.”

Jos 2:27 PM: "I don't think so”

Mr t series good 2:27 PM: "Babel you think the Song caused it”

Slinky stinks 2:27 PM: "i mean now everything its a coincidence”

Jos 2:27 PM: "I mean”

Slinky stinks 2:27 PM: "we cant asume stuff now bc we dont have Any info”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "God shit is bad”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "Sadly Im prepccupied”

Mr t series good 2:28 PM: "Oof”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "Dont do anything stupid you guys”

Wolfcat 2:29 PM: "who do you think we are?”

Slinky stinks 2:29 PM: "dont post songs as memes”

Mr t series good 2:29 PM: ":moonman:”

Slinky stinks 2:29 PM: "thats what you guys told me lol”

ɢʜᴏsᴛʙᴀʙᴇʟ 2:29 PM: "ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴡᴇ ᴘᴜʟʟᴇᴅ ᴏꜰꜰ sᴏᴍᴇ ʀɪsᴋʏ sᴛᴜꜰꜰ. ɪ ᴛᴏʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴘᴏssɪʙʟʏ ʙᴇ ᴄᴏɴsᴇǫᴜᴇɴᴄᴇs. sʜᴏʀᴛʟʏ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰɪʀsᴛ sᴛᴏʀᴍ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴇᴅ. ᴅᴏᴇsɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇᴍ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɪɴɪᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ ᴀɴʏᴡᴀʏs.”

Slinky stinks 2:29 PM: "and it happened again”

Jos 2:30 PM: "yeah, as i said, it is not, but i can't speak much”

Slinky stinks 2:30 PM: "does the length of the song also means sum

lime if i post a 10 hour version of something it would mean more effectively”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "I doubt it”

ɢʜᴏsᴛʙᴀʙᴇʟ 2:31 PM: "ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ɴᴏᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡᴇ ᴛᴀᴍᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɪɴꜰɪɴɪᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ᴛᴀᴍᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ ʙᴀᴄᴋ. ᴏʀ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴀɴɪᴘᴜʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʜᴏᴡ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ʙᴀʟᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ ɪs ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ.”

moonman31 2:32 PM: ":neutral_face:”

ɢʜᴏsᴛʙᴀʙᴇʟ 2:33 PM: "ᴄᴀʟʟ ɪᴛ ᴀ ᴛʜᴇᴏʀʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ. ᴄᴀʟʟ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴘᴇssɪᴍɪsᴛ, ʙᴜᴛ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ sᴇʀɪᴏᴜsʟʏ, ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ sʜᴏᴇs. ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ.”

Slinky stinks 2:33 PM: "moonman poker faces”

Jos 2:33 PM: "We are”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "We’re concerned”

Slinky stinks 2:34 PM: "take care moony, we dont know how interdimensional  hurricanes can be”

moonman31 2:34 PM: "meh”

Slinky stinks 2:34 PM: "just asking”

Slinky stinks 2:34 PM: "how was that hurricane that fucked up A LOT called?”

Slinky stinks 2:34 PM: "who is @0118072119”

Slinky stinks 2:34 PM: "is in both servers and it freaks me out a little lol”

Jos 2:36 PM: "Idk just a player”

moonman31 2:43 PM: ((Moonman posts a screenshot of a Google search, showing results for a hurricane named Helena))

Mr t series good 2:43 PM: "Oh shit”

Slinky stinks 2:43 PM: "what the heck”

Jos 2:44 PM: "Do you have google over there?”

moonman31 2:44 PM: "What? Yeah”

ARGdov 2:44 PM: "Daaamn”

ARGdov 2:44 PM: "Weird one thing presicted it coming a couple days ago”

ARGdov 2:44 PM: "Although wait”

ARGdov 2:44 PM: "Category 1 is a weak hurricane right?”

moonman31 2:45 PM: "Uh yeah i guess they announced it as a storm a few days ago but suddenly its like a CAT 4”

ARGdov 2:45 PM: "Jesus fuck ok”

ARGdov 2:45 PM: "Yeah ok so Wolf is responsible”

moonman31 2:46 PM: "wait”

moonman31 2:46 PM: "google your hurricane”

moonman31 2:46 PM: "and see how it compares”

Jos 2:46 PM: ((Jos posts a screenshot of a Google search similar to Moonman’s, only the names are replaced with “Dorian”))

Jos 2:46 PM: “sorry for the spasnih stuff”

moonman31 2:47 PM: "seems the same”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "hmmm”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "yeah”

ARGdov 2:47 PM: "Simmilar but not the same”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "is helena hitting in georgia too?”

otherLiam 2:47 PM: "might just be us being parallel earths, might have been wolfcat posting the song of storms as a meme.”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "Simmilar but not the same”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "LIKE THE WHOLE TIMELINE”

Slinky stinks 2:47 PM: "that caps sorry”

Mr t series good 2:48 PM: "Yes”

ARGdov 2:48 PM: "The hurricane in the other timelie was weak”

Slinky stinks 2:48 PM: "i pressed by accident”

ARGdov 2:48 PM: "And then not so long after Wolf posted it it got absurdly strong”

Jos 2:48 PM: "Actually”

Jos 2:48 PM: "not only song of storm.”

Jos 2:48 PM: "but the healing song”

Jos 2:48 PM: "both hidden as memes”

ARGdov 2:50 PM: "Yeesh”

otherLiam 2:50 PM: "i doubt the song of healing counted”

moonman31 2:51 PM: ((Moonman posts a news article about hurricane Helena))

Xenquility 2:52 PM: ((Xenquility posts the same news article as it appears in our timeline, having the name replaced with “Dorian”))

otherLiam 2:52 PM: "hmmm.”

otherLiam 2:52 PM: "for the record”

otherLiam 2:52 PM: "there has never been a hurricane Helena in our timeline.”

Slinky stinks 2:53 PM: "hmmm”

otherLiam 2:53 PM: "we had a Tropical Storm Helena once. We've had Hurricanes Elena and Helene.”

Slinky stinks 2:53 PM: "i mean yeah”

Slinky stinks 2:53 PM: "it has been a helena tropical storm”

Slinky stinks 2:53 PM: "9 deds”

moonman31 2:55 PM: "Dorian /ˈdɔːriən/ is a unisex given name of Greek origin. In Greek the meaning of the name Dorian is: Of Doris, a district of Greece; or of Doros, a legendary Greek hero. Doros was the son of Hellen of Sparta (who was the daughter of Zeus and Leda). Doros was the founder of the Dorian tribe, and the most likely origin of Doros' name was the Greek word "doron", meaning "gift". The Dorians were an obscure, ancient Hellenic tribe that were supposed to have existed in the north-eastern regions of Greece, ancient Macedonia and Epirus.”

[oddlymysteriousphoenix]

#61 12:59am May 14

I will update when it's a good time to do so. As of now, I will simply post my update on all my friends in which who I can recall and will do what I can to do it right. Here we go~ (List will be in random order) -Mom- We're doing pretty good, nothing BAD exactly, she does annoy me from time to time with her demands such as cleaning up my room when it's going to be a huge mess anyway. Since awhile ago, she wants to get a grill from the money of my dad and I, hah... I don't hate her, I mean, we all have flaws and that's okay. She's going to go celebrate Mother's Day with her friends, including ''Konni'' (I don't know how to spell her name, but she's the aged woman who introduced me to sushi and I feel in love with it from the start.) But yeah, there's that. -Dad- We're always on good terms, never have we once been at odds with each other, he'll be coming down here soon for my graduation. I hope I'm able to spend more time with him as I aim to go on my own sometimes eventually. Not saying I won’t have contact with them, just being out of their influence would be nice. He's still up working on roofs and such, great worker he is. We continue to call each other every day, it has been a thing since I was little as my parents divorced when I was young and we all lived in Miami at the time. If only he lived closer so I could visit him, I would if I could. -Dj A.K.A. Jacob- Since the last time my mom and I went out to a nearby sushi restaurant, Dj and I have been talking again now. Which is wonderful as I still recall weekends where I literally had no one to game with, so yeah. We're still on good connections, we chatted last night as he and our friend (I’ll call him Party as it's part of his gamertag, new guy to me on Xbox) were playing Overwatch. Anyway, yeah, he's doing pretty good over there, I haven't heard him complain about anything of his life, yet. We all get there from time to time. I look forward into talking more, not to sound clingy, we just go way back into the days of Reach. -Seeker A.K.A. Jared- Ah, I miss the dude. Favorite catholic friend, not that religion matters, anyway, I haven't spoken to him since ages ago. I asked Dj on what has been going on with him and he told me he's still busy with work and such, but he's still going well. I wonder how he has been doing though, I miss him. We go way back as well, to Reach. Maybe sooner or later I'll get in reach with him, although he is busy very often from what I can recall and he has his own group of ''goons'', it's worth a nice try. What can go wrong? -Erin A.K.A. Goodbye Delilah- Quick clarification, long ago Erin told me she changed her name to Lilah, but everyone still called her Erin so I'm left to guess it was a ''phase'' of a name in a way. So, I no longer have any connections with her anymore. I texted her and she was insane again. She made accusations that weren't true, saying things such as I left her for cancer and I never loved her, so on so on. I took screenshots of what she was saying to me, notifying her that I was doing so as snapchat does that, she went on saying go for what I desire, don't bitch about it and telling me I shared shit for attention, mostly what she said from the pictures of what I took. Then she removed me right after, so poof! She is now gone. Honestly, I'm not disturbed or shocked, not at ease either. Yet, I am a bit relieved I don’t have to deal with her anymore. -Jessica A.K.A. School Buddy- Jessica and I are still talking to each other, even though we don't chat at all outside of class, we still manage to kill time together in class like this past week watching unique videos on YouTube in which are too complex to be explained for the simple minded. ''The pipe is leaking''. She now has a girlfriend too, can't be on school property and she's a dropout too. Dropping out doesn’t matter to me, but I never would have guessed Jessica would date the girl from what I have seen of her. She works at Walmart, I think, eh, whatever makes her happy. -Gabby A.K.A. Goth girl from South Carolina (Or somewhere near there)- Yeah, uh, we simply stopped talking to me as she went off on me saying I was a bad person and I made fun of her for a condition she has, I honestly don’t recall that. She also said I talk about others too much and that she doesn’t need more ''half assed friends'' to be around her. I can't say much about it, I'm not here to please everyone. Although she sees my snapchat story from time to time and I still have her on Instagram, I have nothing against her at all. I know I have flaws. I hope she's doing alright whatever she is up to. -Molly A.K.A. Mollyboo- We haven't formally spoken to each other in a too long of a time. Although we have a streak going on, that also recently died so we're back to square one, her and I don't chat as we used to. From moments passing by me, I feel like I was a cushion for her. I'm not saying she's a bad person, no she's not. All I'm saying is that things haven’t been the same for us. Which is a shame because I enjoyed skyping her when I didn’t have anyone else around. Molly has been with her friends more often recently, her life isn't perfect obviously, as everyone, she is struggling with a few things, but I believe in her where I feel she can get through it all. Uncertain if we'll even meet up during the summer, but that's okay, I just want the best for her. -Alyssa A.K.A. Ex Gothic Succubus-I'm afraid to declare that her presence has gone missing from my life awhile after my birthday. She's been going through a lot, with the possible pending deaths of her relatives, she has been occupied. I do not know what she's facing up to right now, but for sure I wish her the best. I'm not afraid to admit that I miss her, just ashamed on the way our relationship ended. Time will tell if she returns or not, she always does this from time to time being busy and such. I'm not blaming her disappearance on her, we're not even dating anymore so why should I expect her to come back instantly? Anyway, can’t say much about her since she's away at the moment. I sent her voice messages from time to time, maybe she'll hear them one day. I hope so, I have countless voice messages of her on my phone. -Rose A.K.A. One Year Crush- The impact of her thorns hasn’t healed at all. Ah, oh well, she's still dating that one nice looking guy. They went to prom together and they looked like a cute couple. Even though she said it could’ve been better, she still enjoyed it. I miss her. Of course, she's dealing problems from within herself and her family from what I have been seeing. It hurts to watch and if I could look away I wouldn’t as I care for her. Uncertain if we'll meet up for the summer to be honest, she hasn't texted me since my birthday. I still leave her voice messages from time to time, never expecting a reply back. Some say move on, some say hang on, I say woebegone. Since Reach we go back too, I don't want to loose what's part of my world. After all, more and more of it is becoming a memory rather than reality. -Angel A.K.A. Tall Mexican- Another surprise, we haven't talked at all. He's been focusing on work and with his girlfriend which is great and all, just wish we would hang out more. He still lives here, he still posts stuff that I see and he's more than alive surely. Joyful he's not, but he's getting somewhere, good guy he is. -Nara A.K.A. Gone Girl- Ever since the last time we met, we haven't texted. I know of recent she posted a pic with her boyfriend, so they're dating. I’m not jealous, only upset that she suddenly disappeared from my life like I was some paper airplane that was around only to be thrown away from her. Ah, oh well. No idea what she is up to. -Jaden A.K.A. Suicide Girl- Jaden and I are talking, but only in school. In no way do I desire to talk to her out of school and we haven't. Classless I am on her talking to me again in chorus when she hasn't before, wouldn’t even make eye contact. She mainly talks to this girl ''Ericca'' (Don’t know the spelling of her name) who has a ton of problems, but we all do so I won’t complain about that. There's that. -Grace A.K.A. Edgy Misguided Wiccan- Not much to say about her besides her unreasonable ways of living and her choice of people she surrounds herself with like having a best friend that's 13 doing drugs and dating a guy who snorted Doritos for a dare. Makes me wonder why I'm picked over these people, ugh. She has her hair black since recent. I was invited to a group chat just this week by her and I was kicked out ''yesterday'' because I disliked a band, I got upset and told her I won’t be coming back. Argh, whatever. I'll be gone soon. -Abby A.K.A. Switching Genders Friend- Ill use she to make it easy. Anyway, her and I have been okay. Not much talking between us, most memorable conversation between us as of this year was us arguing about her flying to live with her boyfriend who lives in Texas. Again, not a bad person. She desperately wants to leave Florida, I feel her. She's going to graduate soon as I am, which is nice. Tried texting her a few hours ago, she didn't feel like talking, I hope she's okay. -Andy A.K.A. I'm Not In Lesbians With You- Andy and I have come down to simply meeting up for a minute or two together walking to her bus and saying good bye with a quick hug. She's still cute and all, but it's not meant to be. Not saying that I desperately wanted to be with her, but at a time where Rose was all I could hold in my mind, I thought she would be the water to wash it away and have her take the place. Im completely aware this isn’t how love works, duh in a way. Besides, our lives are completely different. Anyway, she's out all the time with friends or family, or talking about Attack on Titan saying how Armin is her cush. So, yeah. There's that. -Siena A.K.A. Celebrity Spirit of Miami- Girl from Omegle that lives in Miami. Her and I dont chat as much as I wish, but that's fine. She usually says she's busy with life and ''a lot has been going on'', from what I know she gets called a whore a ton and I don't see her like that as all. Odd to think of it. She is attractive, yeah, but I don't really know much about her despite us knowing each other for a good amount of months. She's great at singing and practices plays, I hope all goes well for her. She deserves it even with her flaws. -Kaylee A.K.A. No Personality Girl- Nothing to say besides her always posting pictures of herself barely smiling or posting pictures of her pets. I would talk to her, but I never feel like she wants to talk to due to her responses. Also, not a bad person, just not a good connection between her and I. I mentioned her long ago as I wrote an entry saying I don’t mean everything literally, some is ranting some is ''blah blah'', I recall she couldn’t let that go because of it. I know I’m not important to her, oh well. -Kayla A.K.A. I Always Wear My Boyfriend's Graduation Ring- Kayla is in the hospital from what I know. She got a kidney stone, if I can remember correctly since it is so late I’m just passing my thoughts onto the screen. Before that, she went to a concert that was very far away and not in Florida, she managed to be with her boyfriend at the time. This was going around when prom was. She got sunburned. I helped her out with our homework for sociology but she didn’t come to day she was said to. I will say I feel like I irritate her sometimes, but maybe that's just me. -Marielle A.K.A. Guatemala Fire- We've been talking a lot for many months, well, this year so far. She recently got grounded by her ungrateful mother. She's not happy to be in Guatemala and wishes to get out of there. She's a sweet girl, smart too, she's learning how to code and working in an office. She's not there everyday and we're not able to skype, but I consider her close to me. So yeah. -Daphine A.K.A. Cloud Exhaler- So long gone that she might as well be out of this universe ever since she got a boyfriend. No clue what's going on with her. It seems the cycle of our friendship ended as she would tend to come back and be distant over and over. She has had a rough past and I can only hope it gets smoother as time erodes life. -Rayanna A.K.A. College Life- She's doing fine, her life has been lightened up by her boyfriend. Gosh, if only I could be that happy. Whenever I text her, she never fails to mention she's doing something in relation to him like being there with him or waiting for him to come over. Sweet relationship from my point of view. -Victoria A.K.A. Nordic Artist- Havent chatted in ages, taken away by her perfect boyfriend. Tried texting her long ago, she seemed very uninterested. I don’t mind, she seems happier and that's great compared to her past.   -Stori A.K.A. G's Girl- Again... Long time no chat, seen her talking with G, Skitz and another guy in parties sometimes over Xbox. Which is a shame since Dj and I never get invited to them. Ah... Sucks, but so be it. G has taken up all the space for everyone else and Stori can go on for months not talking to someone so I guess she thinks Im fine or something. I'm only irritated a bit about it, she has a nice character, one of the most innocent people I know, intelligent too. She's not clueless, she just doesn’t act in a certain way which makes her seem classy, I guess. I’m so tired. -Sheyla A.K.A. Miserable Medical Girl- She's in college going into the medical field. We don’t talk at all, only once but that was ages ago. She seems to be doing well, I have her sister in my sociology class, Sheyla is a lot better compared to her, the sister is awfully annoying. -Jenna A.K.A. Las Vegas's Light- Jenna and I have been texting throughout the day, very enjoyable person to talk to. She's been to many ''cons'' and she's sweet. She's very busy often which sucks, but that's life. We tried staying up Friday, but she fell asleep pretty soon. She had to do a lot today and tomorrow or whatever day this weekend. She works at this place for old people, taking care of them and such.

I would definitely name more, but I am too exchanged to go on. Maybe I’ll add on more soon, as of now, good night.

- 2:54Am