#i might edit it some later for clarity

[sapphire-weapon]

Leon, in the intro to RE4make:

"September 30, 1998. It's a day I'll never forget. The cop inside me died that day."

---

Officer 1: So, tell me, Yanqui. Why did you come to this horrible place? As close to nowhere as I've ever seen.

Leon: Let's just say... looking for someone.

Officer 1: That someone must be very important, eh? The Chief gave the orders himself. "Help him," he said.

Leon: I'm sure you boys didn't come all the way out here to roast marshmallows.

Officers 1 & 2: (laugh)

Leon: (annoyed) Maybe you did.

Officer 1: You have a strange sense of humor. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. Just between us. A lot of people have gone missing around here, and it's been that way for a while, now.

Leon: (still annoyed) Well, then. Should be just another day in the office, right?

Officer 1: Mmm... I mean, last week, there was a search for some missing hikers.

Leon: (sarcastically) I'm sure you'll do your best to help me.

Officer 1: (laughs)

[...]

Leon, much later in the scene: So much for helping me.

---

Leon, later in chapter 1:

(bitterly) "Gotta fix everything myself."

---

Leon tells Ada in RE2make that the reason why he went into law enforcement was to help people like Kendo and his daughter -- vulnerable people, good people, members of the community who are facing the worst moments of their life and need someone to help make it right.

And yet he says in the intro to RE4make that the cop inside him died that day. When we take that in context with what he told Ada about Kendo, what he means is that his desire to help people died that day. The belief that he could help people died that day.

His faith in humanity died that day.

Leon goes into his mission to save Ashley already expecting the two local officers that he's with to be completely fucking useless, and he gets immediately annoyed at the first hint that they are. His "So much for helping me" is said with a sense of "Why am I not surprised?"

He went into RE2make believing that people are generally good and that things will work themselves out.

He goes into RE4make believing that people are generally selfish and will take advantage of him, leaving him to work through any problem that arises on his own.

This is why he's so supremely pissed off at Ada when they meet back up again, and it's also why Ashley is so integral to his character arc. It's also why I've said in the past that Ada is a foil for Ashley in RE4make.

(NOTE: A foil is a character that is set up in the narrative to directly contrast with another one. Where one character is deficient, the foil character is strong, and vice versa. Where Ada is cold, Ashley is warm. Where Ada is physically capable, Ashley is defenseless. Where Ada is secretive, Ashley is honest. Where Ada is calculating, Ashley is impulsive. A foil does not necessarily exist to make one character seem better than the other; a foil exists to showcase two equals using a different approach and receiving different outcomes as a result.)

Ada is the genesis of Leon's cynicism. She's the reason why he expects less than nothing from people anymore -- the reason why he goes into every social interaction waiting to be screwed over. And she reinforces this throughout the narrative by trying to tear him down ("Leave the girl. She's lost no matter what.") or by keeping score ("Happy to help. Now you owe me.") -- which she takes even further in Separate Ways ("Don't worry, Leon. First time's free.").

In the six years since her initial betrayal, Leon has been forged into a weapon by the US government. The kind-hearted boy from RE2make who wanted to save the world now is more comfortable shoving a knife in the throat of an old woman than he is with carrying on small talk with people.

But weapons on their own are neither good nor bad. It's how they're used that determines that. Up until RE4make, Leon has been surrounded by extreme violence and senseless death (that's the point of changing Operation Javier btw), and he doesn't see a way in which his status as a weapon could possibly be used for good.

Until Ashley comes into his life.

If there was ever anyone who had a good reason to take Leon for granted and take advantage of him, it's Ashley -- but not only does she not do that, but she goes out of her way to make herself useful without expectation or strings attached. The only thing she ever asks for in return is a "thank you."

So, every time she gets that "thank you" -- every time she gets a real smile out of him -- she's returning pieces of his humanity to him. She's healing the hurts that Ada and the CIA inflicted on him so many years ago. She's showing him that there's still some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. She's worth fighting for.

When Leon says: "This time, it has to be different..." he's not talking about his inability to save anyone in Raccoon City. That's a very surface-level interpretation. What he's referring to there is that Raccoon City destroyed his faith in humanity, ruined his image of himself, and poisoned his ability to create meaningful connections with people.

That's what has to be different this time. That's why the full line he says in the intro is: "If I could just forget what happened that night... the pain, even for a second... This time, it can be different. It has to."

RE2make took so much from him, but Ashley spent the entirety of RE4make giving so much of it back. But if she were to die in his arms in chapter 15, that hope and that healing would die with her. Her death would be a reaffirmation that everything that Leon wants or hopes for in this world isn't real, and that reality is nothing more than a series of random tragedies and chaos that results in suffering.

Ashley re-teaches him how to trust in people again, how to work as part of a team again, how to feel good about his own actions again. She teaches him how to hope again.

Ashley is the first person in six years to care about whether Leon gets or feels hurt by her actions. The most important line of dialogue spoken to Leon in the entire game is "Stay back! I might hurt you again..." as Ashley openly sobs over the mere thought of it.

Juxtapose that beside...

During the boat scene, Ada asks Leon in response to whether or not she's changed, after all of the damage she's already inflicted on him: "What do you think? Don't think too hard."

And so, in the ending, Leon answers: "I think we both know that this is where we go our separate ways."

Because, this time, things were different.

Because, this time, his partner was Ashley.

[cards-of-rose]

study tip!! how i write essays

going from a long, intensive classical education to my current history major, i've had to write a lot of papers. at this point, i can write a 5 page paper in a few hours, and just a couple weeks ago i wrote a 20 page paper in a single day. i graduated valedictorian with this method (current cGPA of 4.0!) so i thought i'd share how i write them! grab some coffee and settle in - it'll be a long post, but i promise it'll be worth it. :)

first, the topic. if you don't have an assigned topic, pick something that fascinates you, something that you could write pages and pages about. you will. if your topic is assigned, find something in it that you find fascinating. even if you find your topic completely boring, there's always something interesting to glean from it! once you find this, you'll gain motivation, and that's half the battle.

write down a basic outline. when i say basic, i mean barebones. just a vague, 3-point general idea of what you think you might write your paper about. this will guide you in your research! you don't need to worry about writing your full outline just yet.

sources. after you have a basic list of points, it's time to find sources! if they're already assigned, you can skip this step. most of the time they aren't, though. this is the most important part of your paper. you can go to google scholar to find really good academic journals and studies!

generally, the number of sources you have depends on the length of your paper! a good guide is that your amount of sources should number half the length of your paper. so if you have a 5 page paper, 2-3 is a good way to go. if you have a 20 page paper, you'll want around 10.

evidence. skim over your sources and categorize each one under the point you made earlier. this will mean you have a quick reference guide when you're writing, so you don't have to go through a big list of sources when you're looking for evidence! under each source, put a few bullet points talking about the info that you can use for your paper.

outline. this part may seem daunting. i promise, though, it's one of the easiest parts of the paper! you may feel tempted to skip it, but having an outline makes your paper sound better and makes it easier and quicker to write. use the sources and bullet point info you used earlier to fill out your outline. start broad and general, then add details as you do your research! your outline should be about half the length of your paper. don't worry about making it super scholarly - this is just for you, so make it as informal and easy to understand as you want! be stupid, throw in memes, whatever gets it written!

every outline should include an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. i can go over the structure of an outline in another post, but remember the 3 points you thought up earlier? these will form your entire outline, and eventually your essay!

finally, write! open a blank google doc and view it side by side with your outline. once you get started, it's a lot easier to finish than you'd think, especially if you took the time to outline! this is when you can make your dumb outline into something that would make the ancient philosophers proud. don't worry about perfection. just write it as you go. you can edit it later!

quotes/evidence. once you've finished your rough draft, it's time to add the evidence! some profs want quotes, others want you to paraphrase. either way, go through your paper and put in the evidence you researched earlier. don't worry about citations just yet - just put in the link in a comment on your rough draft. it won't be hard to fix it up later.

edit!! please, please don't finish your rough draft and be done with it. you can save so many points by going over it again instead of submitting it in a rushed 3am haze. fix spelling and grammar, add citations and a reference page, edit for clarity, anything you need to make it sound like the best paper you can write! if you're proud of it by the end, you know you've done something right.

congrats, you did it!! make sure you start your paper early and don't wait till the night before - your grade will thank you <3

[falciesystemessays]

Into the Breach is important.

If you somehow have not heard of it, Into the Breach is a microtactics roguelite about giant mechs fighting giant monsters by the developers of FTL. It is superficially similar to games like Fire Emblem and Final Fantasy Tactics, but it turns so many genre conventions on their head. There is basically no output randomness. No misses, no criticals, and the enemies telegraph exactly what they're going to do next turn. Each turn becomes its own self-contained puzzle about pushing and manipulating enemies to prevent damage to the buildings and yourselves. It shows so beautifully that the best part of a tactics game isn't having the highest damage numbers, but manipulating the battlefield.

If you care about tactics games At All, Into the Breach is a must-play, even just to see how you feel about it. As a game designer, there is so much to learn from this game, whether it's about randomness, UI clarity, or just general tactics/roguelike design. I'd also recommend this GDC talk by one of its designers about the process of designing the game. It is very insightful, especially as a companion piece to the game itself.

Okay, with that out of the way, let's talk about the Advanced Edition update.

This took me by surprise. They just kind of shadowdropped a free expansion four years later. Now, I suspected this might happen, they did an advanced edition for FTL too. But I didn't expect it to be so... interesting.

I say "interesting" as both a positive and a negative. Many of its additions are, to put it in scientific terms, fucking awesome. But not all of its choices are ones I agree with. It's especially interesting as many of the design choices are ones that Subset avoided when developing the base game. For better and worse, ITB Advanced Edition is fascinating trying to understand. I've had this essay on my mind for two years, and now that I have this blog, I feel like I have space to make it. So, let's get into it.

Probably the most immediately compelling part of this update is the addition of five new squads, many of which have become some of my favorites to play. They have easily the most creative and unique powers in the game, and many of them revolve around controlling the battlefield, with effects like fire, smoke, and even breaking cracked tiles to create abyss. To be perfectly TBH, my favorite part of a tactics game is getting to play with a new toy, and Advanced Edition has new toys in spades!

This brings us to the new weapons, though, which is a different matter. I like a lot of the weapons that are attached to the new squads, but there are plenty more that you can get randomly from shops and the like that I am much more negative on. Many of them are weirdly situational, like one that depends on the level you're playing on having water. And many are incredibly unwieldy and difficult to understand, like The Big One, which pushes you back but sends a projectile forward which deals damage in a cone shape but decreases in damage as the cone expands. It's difficult to understand, and more to the point, difficult to explain. That's probably why it was scrapped from the original game. But Advanced Edition puts it back in, betraying the game's value of clarity. It's a strange decision, and one I still bristle at.

And on the topic of scrapped things that were brought back in Advanced Edition, Unfair Mode is a thing! I feel like I should give some context for this. So, in that GDC talk I linked, Matthew Davis talks about all the concessions Subset had to make to get the game feeling good. Like, they betrayed their game's determinism by adding Grid Defense, a random small chance for a building to survive impact. They hated doing this, but it was necessary to make sure players saw the game through to the end. Well, Unfair Mode removes Grid Defense, or at least starts it out at 0. Similarly, they had to curtail spawn rates for enemies, because if a turn was even just a bit too difficult, the game stopped being hard and became unsolvable. Into the Breach is a kind of puzzle game, and a puzzle you can't solve isn't exactly a fun time for most of us. Well, Unfair Mode raises the spawn rate, but compensates by letting you recover from building damage faster. The enemies spawn in so fast that they actually hit the limit for enemy count fairly often. This comes with a very funny consequence that once they hit that limit, the game won't spawn in any more next turn, so if you can kill a bunch of them this turn the next turn becomes super easy. It's a very fun back-and-forth. Unfair Mode, I feel, captures the essence of Advanced Edition pretty well. "We tried to avoid doing this before, but we're giving you the option to do it now."

The game isn't just theirs anymore. It's ours.

There's plenty more I could talk about. I mean, I love the new pilots and skills, I'm mixed on the new missions, and I'm trying to like the new enemies. But they all amount to the same thing really. The game is weirder now, for better and worse. As someone who really appreciated the completeness of Into the Breach at launch, it can feel very strange thinking about what the game is now. Because the game can be whatever you want it to be. You can turn off advanced enemies, missions, weapons, individually. You don't have to play on Unfair, or use any of the new squads. This is unlike even FTL's advanced edition, where the choice is mostly just advanced or not.

It feels like Advanced Edition comes from the designers of Into the Breach letting go of their vision, deciding they've already made the game they want to make, and letting the player decide what the game becomes instead. As a designer, I don't know whether to admire or admonish this. But I do know that I still love Into the Breach. It's clear that this game is going to be on game developers' minds for years to come, and plenty of devs are taking direct inspiration from it. Like the upcoming deckbuilder ARC SEED, or Mobile Suit Baba, which is exactly what you think it is. I myself hold ITB as a major inspiration for my own tactics work, (and incidentally if you want to see my work then you can check it out here) but while the base game gets me thinking about the nuts and bolts of design, AE has me thinking more philosophically about the role of the game designer. Is there more value in the finished work, or the open work? Is it more important to stick to your vision, or to give players the tools to make their own vision? It's the kind of question that only games have to ask, and I think that's beautiful. As I spend another eon thinking about it, I'm gonna play some more Into the Breach.

[toggle1-mrfipp]

CSM 167: Yo, What the Fuck?

So, that chapter, huh?

To just get it out of the way, Yoru gave Denji a handjob and he came on her hand, and despite how crude that sounds I find this whole chapter fascinating. Normally I like to think these kinds of posts out but right now my mind is racing trying to organize everything, so I'm going write whatever pops into my mind.

So first thing, there's the issue of consent, and I'll start with Asa, because she didn't show up until the very end, but we have to remember that Asa has shown the ability to push Yoru out of the driver's seat in moments where she is particularly having strong emotions, and someone using your hand to jack someone off would get some kind of strong emotion out of her. Yoru seems to act as Asa's unfiltered, unrestrained thoughts and desires, the version of Asa that acts without the worry of what other people think or say about her, so that means if Yoru was allowed to do this, then that means on some subconscious level that Asa was okay with this happening. I'm certain she'll scream and yell about it later, but that won't change the fact she let this happen. Then there's Denji, who at this point I think we'll just have to accept that even if all parties involved give consent I doubt he'll ever have a really "normal" sexual experience, and the fact that Yoru seemed to be getting into this along with him, instead of her just using it to manipulate him like literally every other girl he's been with unironically maybe puts it at the top of the list for him.

Which brings me to Yoru! back when the had the apartment date, she kissed Denji and when she pulled away she was blushing, she felt something for him at that moment, and as we saw here the returning memory of that date had her act on that feeling again. We know that Asa's emotions leak into Yoru, and considering Asa's own feelings on Denji that means that to some extent Yoru feels them too, but unlike Asa, Yoru has no inhibitions to stop her from acting on her desires.

EDIT: I decided to add another bit on Yoru

The thing I'm most interested in seeing is how this will affect Yoru's relationship with her own powers. Her weapons are powered up by the guilt associated in making them, but between having no real moral compass and not ever becoming emotionally attached to anything she's never had any sense of guilt, meaning she can't make the most of her own powers. What will happen if she tries to make weapon out of Denji? She's feeling attracted to him, she knows she likes him, meaning she'll get a strong weapon out of him, but what if she goes for it and she can't do it because guilt is such a foreign concept for her despite how important it is to her skill set and having to actually confront her own guilt terrifies her?

Overall, this chapter left me with two major thoughts on what I think/want to happen.

The first being is that this is what causes Denji to snap, that he'll have some post-nut clarity and call Asa out on how she's been acting, because from his point of view she's been an unstable, schizophrenic psychopath this whole day. Denji asks her about her arm, she kicks him in the balls, she says she wants to help him, but she threatens to fight him, she tries to castrate him, and she gives him a hand job and makes out with him! What is he supposed to reasonably think about her in this situation when she's just been nothing but an inconsistent mess? I want them to start getting mad and start yelling, with Asa arguing with both him and Yoru which only makes her look more insane to him. I really feel like if they get angry, then Denji can actually start beginning to take some control of his life back instead of letting everyone push him around, and Asa will be forced to confront her flaws and mistakes, that she can only be in denial for so long while Denji is screaming in her face about it. It would be ugly and messy, but I think it might actually be good for them in the end.

Also, I'm not entirely joking when I say if those two(three?) end up having intense hate sex in that alleyway in the rain, then I think it would be insane in the best kind of ways.

And second, I think it would be unhinged is Asaden was a red herring, and Yoruden was the real end game pairing. It might legit be the start to Asa's villain origin story. She goes out and does all these things just so Denji can feel strong affections for her, to give her something to latch her self-worth and the attempts to validate her life, oly for Denji to fall in love with Yoru instead. It would be both hilarious and tragic.

Another thing! Up until this point I thought Denji and Asa's relationship would be a tragedy or What Ifs and Could Have Beens, but instead I want them to be unhinged as possible, spiraling down while they blaze the candle at both ends. Just let their relationship become everyone's problem from now on.

Overall, the last few months have left me nervous and apprehensive about what each new chapter of Chainsaw Man will bring, but as of this chapter I find myself more excited than ever because I feel like this might end up taking the story is some insane places.

ONE MORE EDIT: I wrote a one-shot regarding my interpretation of this mess: Back Alley Screaming Match.

[sing-it-togetherzine]

F.A.Q*

I never participated in a zine before, what exactly are you expecting a “finished piece” to look like?

For artists, it depends on the artist and their style. For some it may mean fully rendered figures and backgrounds. For others it may mean a simpler background and colors. Everyone is going to have a different definition of “finished”. You want it to be presentable and nice to look at, not something you threw together without much thought. Try to think of what movie posters might look like, or phone/desktop wallpapers.

For authors, your story should have been edited at least once for spelling and grammar errors. Your story should be self-contained, a.k.a. a one-shot, with a beginning, middle, and resolution. There will be beta-readers available in a specific channel on discord, so if you need help and don’t want to ask anyone directly, you could always shoot a message there and someone will know to help.

Overall, it doesn’t hurt to apply! If you’re not sure what your “best example” work is, you can include a link to your blog/online portfolio (wherever you post art) and we’ll take a look.

Relationships aren’t always happy, can my piece be something besides fluff?

Within the limits of the PG rating, your piece can be happy/fluff, hurt-comfort, or angsty. Things that are generally not allowed for PG ratings include heavy violence/gore, heavy adult language, and explicit bedroom themes. Do you want to make us cry for Grandma Rosiepuff all over again? Bring it on.

What if I want to change my idea partway through the creation period?

If you get partway through your piece and decide on changing it to something totally new, please notify the mods first. Given that there are 3 months to work on your piece this will likely be allowed but you will have less time to finish it. To avoid this, we recommend really thinking over your idea early on, and if problems do arise you can use the #wip-feedback channel to get help.

Can I change from writing to art or art to writing after the creation period started?

Unfortunately, once you are accepted as either an author or artist, you are locked into that position. If you are someone who likes to make both art and fanfic, please take your time in deciding what you would like to focus on for the zine and apply at a later date. Applications are open until August 31st.

When I submit my art piece, how can I make sure quality stays the same?

To start, it helps to format your canvas to 2400px by 2400px or 8in by 8in and 300dpi. This will be the final size and resolution of each page of the zine. If you start with a smaller canvas and lower resolution the image will be blown up/stretched to the correct size and will likely loose clarity. When finished and ready to submit final files, you can simply save to Google Drive and share the link with the appropriate mod.

Can I sign/watermark my art before I submit?

Yes, you are welcome to sign your artwork anyway you normally do (if you do). However all creators will be listed on a credits page with their name and page(s) of their work, so you don’t have to worry about unsigned artwork not being credited. If you do decide to sign your artwork, we simply ask that you do so in a way that doesn’t interfere with the overall presentation. For example, a signature that is too big, a signature that blocks an excessive amount of details, or a watermark pattern that makes the image difficult to understand.

Do I have to use my real name for the credits page? What if I just want to use my online handle?

We will never ask for sensitive information, and that may mean the real or full name for some people. All we ask is some way to credit you. This can be your first name only, a nickname, or an online handle from any of your accounts (i.e. Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter/X, etc.). We will also include the primary account name/address for any creator who wishes to include one. For example, a piece could be credited like: Jane Doe, Jane, JD, Jbug, jbug @ tumblr, or any other combination. This goes the same for fanfic authors, although you will also be credited under the title of your fic.

Are alternate universe settings (AUs) allowed?

Alternate universes are absolutely allowed! However we do ask our creators to be mindful of how much the average viewer may know about them and work accordingly. For example, an au that needs a lot of explanation and previous knowledge may be a bit confusing, but more simple or self-explanatory aus (like human-aus or role-swap aus) should be fine.

Are original characters (OCs) allowed?

We ask that creators focus on canon characters in their piece, but ocs are allowed to be included. OCs are welcome as side characters, as in a fanfic, or in backgrounds of artworks for example. This is to avoid confusion for anyone who may view the zine but isn’t familiar with the multitude of fan-created characters.

*This list will be updated as necessary

[mariacallous]

(New York Jewish Week) – When Michael Witkes arrived at his bar mitzvah party, he knew he couldn’t enter to a musical theater song, his preferred genre, because he was already being bullied for being too effeminate and flamboyant. So, he simply told the DJ to just pick any song that matched the vibe of a bar mitzvah entrance.

The DJ picked “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. 

“This day that is supposed to be completely celebratory became this kind of tragic, camp event, where I had to wrestle with getting bullied because of this,” Witkes said. “I was just trying to become a man, a Jewish adult, and then I was suddenly getting outed at my bar mitzvah.”

Eighteen years later, Witkes, 31, is a professional drag queen in New York City, performing as “Pink Pancake.” This week, he will revisit that troubling coming-of-age moment in his first ever one-woman drag show, “Today You Are a Man!” at The Tank NYC.

“I take that moment of tragedy and I flip it on its head and I turn it into this play about self discovery and coming into your authenticity as a queer person and as a Jew,” Witkes told the New York Jewish Week.

Witkes first began developing the show, which runs for 50 minutes, two years ago as a four-minute lip sync for a “Hanukkah in July” drag performance. Since then, he’s partnered with director and queer Jewish art and events curator Stuart B Meyers to flesh out a full-length performance. 

“The show gives an earnest portrayal of the horror of that experience, how awful it was, and is, to be bullied for being gay and femme, yet also lifts and celebrates the story of who Michael has become through drag,” Meyers told the New York Jewish Week. “So what’s really interesting is that the piece is about his bar mitzvah of the past, but in a big way, it’s also a bar mitzvah in and of itself, because it’s a celebration of his own very Jewish process of coming into this next chapter as Pink Pancake.” 

Ahead of the show, the New York Jewish Week caught up with Witkes about what it was like to make the show and revisit his bar mitzvah experience. 

This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

What would you tell your 13-year-old self about how far you’ve come?

It’s funny because I think if I told my 13-year-old self, “Hey, you’re now a drag queen in New York, and you’re making a living pursuing this queer art form,” I think that my 13-year-old self would be horrified. This might be my biggest fear at the time, realized. 

First, I would give my 13-year-old self a giant hug. I think I would say, “You are wonderful as you are and just let your inner star shine. At the time, I did everything I could to make myself smaller and to try to hide the fact that I was gay, even though I was just naturally more feminine and flamboyant growing up. I did everything I could to hide that, with my clothes, with the way I walked around. Everything was a performance. I would just say, “Hey, baby, breathe, let it all out. It’s gonna be okay. Own who you are.”

What does it mean to you to have your first full-length one-woman show center on a Jewish narrative?

I grew up in a pretty Jewish suburb of Philadelphia, on the Main Line. I feel like growing up, I kind of took my Judaism for granted. In seventh grade, there was a bar or bat mitzvah every single weekend. Judaism was so prevalent that it wasn’t a huge part of my identity. 

But now we’re in a time where there is this rise in antisemitism and you can feel it. In my other gigs, I have made some self-deprecating jokes in the mic about being Jewish — as Jews do with Jewish humor. Before it was just a part of my act, but now I have this inner voice in the back of my head saying “Is it safe to say this? Is it safe to make these jokes? Is it safe to be openly Jewish?” Since coming out and embracing myself fully, I’ve been really proud to be queer. Now I feel like the show is helping me be more proudly Jewish. It’s been wonderful working with Stuart Meyers, who has done a lot of queer Jewish work and queer Jewish art, because he’s kind of pushed me to embrace my Judaism even more and pull things out in the show in relation to my Jewish identity even more, so it’s been really exciting. We have to continue to be visible and proud and continue to advocate for ourselves and everyone that is marginalized in the global majority.

Do you feel like making this show has helped you process the trauma from your bar mitzvah party and given you a second chance at celebrating?

That is the structure of the show in a way, where I have the chance to do it all over again. It’s a queering of this Jewish rite of passage. The whole show, in a way, is like a redo of my own bar mitzvah, but now I’m in drag as a woman — but I’m not a woman, and I’m also very gender-queer. It’s a beautiful way to explore what it means to be a man and to explore your gender identity and sexuality. 

This has definitely helped me process my bar mitzvah and re-own this moment that was kind of tragic. In general, my bar mitzvah was a wonderful event — this moment just clouded it. I think that wounds can continue to heal and come back and they can surprise you like, “Oh, I thought I got over that.” So revisiting this moment has definitely brought some things up to the surface that I’m able to now heal from. 

I rewatched the video of my service many, many times while putting the show together. I had a wonderful support system in my parents, but I don’t think I fully realized that at the time because I felt so alone and othered in school. So it’s really healing to be able to look back and listen to the speeches that my parents made at my bar mitzvah. Watching myself in the video, I look awkward and I don’t like that my parents are saying nice things about me and I’m probably not fully paying attention and kind of dissociating because it’s uncomfortable. But to look back now — my parents are so sweet. My dad said that he appreciated how sensitive I was and how gentle I was. These are things that I was bullied for, because they’re not “masculine.” But at my bar mitzvah, he was saying you’re a man because of all of these things. That’s just so beautiful. 

I’m excited to bring it to an audience. I’m sure that healing will happen even more when it’s in front of a live audience and I’m hoping that the same thing will happen for them as well. I hope bringing the specificity of this event to my show will allow people to bring the specificity of their own moments growing up Jewish or growing up queer and find healing and celebration.

What else can people expect at the show?

There are going to be too many costumes in a short amount of time. I’m really excited for all of these wacky costumes I’m bringing. It’s going to be heartfelt, it’s going to be drag. It’s a full production and I’m so excited to finally bring this to life after sitting on it for all this time. It combines drag lip sync with multimedia — video projections of my bar mitzvah and lots of other very fun, funny things. Of course, I have two backup dancers — it’s a one-woman show, but it’s a one-woman drag show, so that means that you need to have two backup dancers. It’s a fully realized show with a plot and a beginning, middle and end.

“Today You Are a Man!,” is playing at The Tank NYC (312 W. 36th St.) Jan 18-20 at 9:30 p.m. and Jan. 21 at 7 p.m. Tickets start at $15.

[chameleonspell]

HTDC commentary - 1: numb

[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]

chapter text: 1: numb

This chapter has had the most edits over time, as my writing skills increased, and I got ever more annoyed at the state of the opening, which ought not to be the worst writing in the fic, if I wanted anyone to stick around. It still needs work, but I was not made of infinite energy. I largely just tried to improve what was already there, rather than do what I really ought to have done, which is do some proper scene-setting. None of the early chapters have much in the way of description, especially of places. I was very much working on the principle that it was fanfic, and the whole point of fanfic was that I didn't need to do that. My assumed reader was intimately familiar with Seyda Neen, because my assumed reader was myself. I was absolutely writing only the bits I enjoyed writing, which was dialogue.

I'm still torn on the first paragraph, because in trying to make it more interesting, I mostly only succeeded in making it florid and purple. The reason I let it stand is because of a favourite excuse of mine for slightly ridiculous writing - it accurately reflects the mental state of the protagonist, i.e. tangled and confused. I will use this excuse again.

(See, maybe there's no description because Iriel's really out of it, and can't register anything! Bad writing is diegetic if the characters are having a bad time!)

Iriel was dragged

Not the exact wording of the original first-draft opening line, but I edited it in for symmetry, after I wrote the last words of the last chapter ("Iriel moved forwards").  Which was, according to an email I sent at the time, in June 2015, so less than three months after I wrote the first words? That seems crazy. I do remember writing a first draft of the ending chapter quite early on, but... that early? Gosh.

When I say I wrote the ending three months after the beginning, I mean that I ONLY wrote the ending. I then spent two more years, filling in the 198 chapters in between.

The contrasting significance of the beginning and ending lines was expanded from something Philip Pullman said about making sure the first and last words of His Dark Materials were both "Lyra", because it's her story, and she encompasses it.

the guard had seized the elf by his bony wrist

A running theme of Iriel's physical trauma triggers: grab him by the wrist and he's liable to shut down completely. A jail thing, of course - make sure the magic user can't cast spells.

His bare toes snagged between the planks of the jetty

Every time I read this, I flinch, and feel the exact sensation, because it is such a terrible, terrible sensation. I know I do worse things to Iriel later, but I might hate this one the most.

Oh gods. Come on, Ire.

Many people have told me they found they were pronouncing Iriel wrong, when they read him sound it phonetically in chapter 90: "Iriel. Eye-ree-el." I can see their point, but in that case, I want to know how they were pronouncing "Ire", the shortening he gives, right at the start! Which is an English word, pronounced like the Ire in Ireland, so I hoped that implied the pronunciation of Iriel

Regarding Iriel's name: I chose it because it was visually short, having a lot of long, thin letters in it, and I liked the symmetry of the capital I and the lower-case L at the end. The shortened version, Ire, is even more featherweight, barely more than a pronoun. This is a real boon for a protagonist name that's gonna turn up in almost every sentence - you can throw it in a lot, for clarity, and it doesn't look awkward. 

I think I found it in a name list on uesp.net, and I don't think it was specifically feminine-coded at the time? ESO was only just out, so I refuse to be blamed for things it added to canon, such as two female NPCs called Iriel. My personal headcanon is that it's a unisex Altmeri name and the first i is pronounced short when it's feminine, and long when it's masculine. In his not-strictly-canon tumblr bookclub with @quickchangeartist's OC Moraelyn, Iriel says of his name:

P.S. i rolled my eyes gently at your “dear little bird” bit, but did you actually know my name is avian-derived, or was that an adorable accident? an iriel is a very pretty but sadly extinct type of finch (I am less pretty, but also less dead, a condition with which i am (on good days) content.) My mother selected the name in order to make me more matrimoniably palatable to her bird-mad noble friend. So mercenary

Iriel’s eyes jittered from surface to surface. “I was in the hold! I didn’t see anything! I don’t know anything about boats! I mean, the sail’s clearly square-rigged, but a brig should have at least two masts, I really have no idea what you’d call it, I didn’t get a chance to examine, I… I was in the hold. I don’t know anything.

In draft one, all Ire said was that he didn't know anything about boats. Then I reread it later, when it had been established that Iriel's dad was a fisherman, Iriel knows how to sail a simple boat, has absorbed a fair amount of nautical terminology, and, in general, KNOWS ABOUT BOATS! Which, I have to warn you, from a writer's perspective, is a fucking terrible thing to have your character know about. The research is a nightmare. Never have a character know anything about boats!

Anyway, I decided it was much funnier if he reeled off a bunch of technical stuff about boats, while still claiming he didn't know anything about them, because... he's just that confused? His reflexive paranoid guilt makes him deny knowledge under questioning on general principle? He doesn't think of himself as someone who knows about boats, in comparison to his dad? Yes.

someone a head taller than he was

I forget at what point I established Iriel's precise height. He's 6'4", which is below average, for an Altmer, but tall for Morrowind, a shift of identity and perspective he never quite adjusts to.

“Oh. Well… my name is Iriel of Lillandril. Which is far too many Is and Ls in one name, and really, you’d think my parents would’ve known better. We Altmer use loconymics, as I’m sure you know, so–”

Again, I chose Lillandril more or less at random from the Summerset map, based on it having a lot of Is and Ls, which felt right, all tall and Altmery, and a little bit ridiculous. Say it three times fast and you're basically yodelling. Later, I established Lillandril as Fantasy Wales, accent-wise, which made it even better.

ESO might have since established something different with Altmer surnames, lore-wise, but I don't know or care. Loconymics (being named for the place you come from) seem the norm for Altmer in Morrowind, and I like that.

I made up "loconymic", though googling now, there are other uses. I probably should have used toponym, as loconym is a greek-latin mix, which is bad practice. But I wanted a word for "named after a place" where the meaning was easily inferrable, without knowing either Greek or Latin, and "locus" is more familiar from words like "location" than "topos" is. I was trying to keep my linguistic technobabble vaguely intelligible!

In the very first draft, Iriel claimed he was a foundling in this line mentioning his parents, which was my attempt to stick to the exact terms of the whole Morrowind "uncertain parentage" thing. But I very quickly retconned it, realising there was far more mileage in having Iriel know he was connected by blood to his parents, and all the Altmeri angst he has over that. Only the first of many, many in-game "facts" I decided to bend or outright contradict! But it took me a while to realise I was allowed to do that, now, that I didn't have to keep to canon, as long as everything hangs together. In this case, I justified it later, by saying that the Empire had recorded Iriel as having unknown parents, because that's what he told them when he was arrested, in a futile attempt to prevent his family finding out.

pale-gold Altmer face, amber eyes and soft brown hair.

I had read something that advised writers to give hot, fiery angry characters warm colouration, and cold, reserved characters cool colouration, and I thought that was stupid. Iriel's not exactly cold (just numb), but Altmer in general are seen as cold, especially in contrast to fire-themed Dunmer, and... anyway, I wanted a warm-toned Altmer, because why not? Amber eyes is pretty, but not extravagantly so. I didn't want him to be exceptional, in any way - he's someone who can easily vanish from sight and memory, after all. So, he gets the most "boring" hair colour, mouse brown, which I have a soft spot for.

@Sinilakki sent me a picture very soon after I posted this chapter, and I was delighted, because clearly my limited physical description had worked - it was perfect. My first ever picture of Iriel, and it's still one of my absolute favourites.

“You are male, aren’t you? Hard to tell with you elves.” Ire racked his addled brain for the sort of lacerating response he would have given to that, in better days, but failed miserably.

The first thing to produce an actual spark of defiance in Iriel, even if he doesn't manage to act on it. Ire's experiences of Imperials having offensive ideas about elven gender will reoccur, once he's in a fit state to lecture about it.

Ire squeaked, and shifted as best he could, stumbling towards the door and struggling with the handle until it finally obeyed him.

All this is so early Pratchett, isn't it? Rincewind, but younger and gayer. Make a wet, nervous wizard and give him problems.

previous: 0: intro next: 2: labels

[prolix-yuy]

Writers’ Iron Chef #11: Staying the Night

[PROMPT] “I’ll be here the whole night, okay?”

[TIME LIMIT] Optional 10 minutes prep time, 30 minutes writing time, optional, 10 minutes editing time

Pairing: Jack Russell, Werewolf by Night x F!Reader

Rating: M, allusions to sexual acts, descriptions of male and female (and monster!) bodies, allusions to monsterfucking but we cut to black (sorry babes I ran out of time).

Summary: "Has this ever worked before?" "Once."

Notes: Written for Writers’ Iron Chef Prompt 11.

In honor of the Spooky Season, and because I had a fun time watching Werewolf by Night, I'm bringing a new boy into the mix this time. I just want to write some fun werewolf shenanigans with Gael García Bernal. Don't worry Pedro, you're always first in my heart.

Did I walk right up to the monsterfucking door and knock but then run out of time to finish the prompt? Yes, yes I did. But I had a lot of fun doing the walking. Enjoy!

The story concludes in Mistake.

His eyes are human, surprisingly. Popular media had you convinced he’d be something much less than a man, something hungry and lupine. There are aspects - the claws, the fangs, the wiry hair covering his body. But his eyes are the same that stared down at you when he pleaded for you to go.

“The wolf doesn’t care who you are,” he said, hands tight around your shoulders. “He eats and he runs and anything that gets in his way is fair game. This is not something you can reason with.”

Jack soothed his bruising grip with gentler strokes, and you couldn’t dismiss the pain on his face as an overreaction. You knew what you were asking. 

“What can he remember, then? If not faces and names, how can I communicate with him? He can’t just be a monster, thinking and unfeeling, Jack, we both know that.” The way his face fell at the word that haunts him - monster, through no fault of his own - made you cup his face in your hands. Your eyes traced the lines and smudges of his ancestral markings, fingers stroking along his jaw.

“If he’s a wolf, he should behave like one. And most great beasts hunt by smell,” you offered. Jack’s face lightened with clarity, eyes flitting over your shoulder as he contemplated this bit of information.

“If I scent you, he might…recognize you,” he concluded, a smile gracing your face. “It’s still too dangerous,” Jack insisted, but you were already shrugging off your jacket and baring your pulse points.

“One day this will happen out of your control, and I would like to be prepared in whatever way I can,” you said, Jack’s eyes softening with a mix of understanding and despair. “Please, Jack. It can’t hurt to try.”

Jack had pressed his face into your neck before, inhaling deeply after your first kiss. He told you later, wrapped in blankets and sated, that your scent speaks more words than your mouth ever can. You could be encased in stone in a crowd of thousands and it would still bring him straight to you. It’s unique, ever-evolving, and the first thing he fell in love with.

This was something different. There was a need in the way Jack gripped your wrists, pressing his pert nose to your pulse and inhaling deeply. It spiked arousal in your hips, the intimacy of his mouthing at your delicate skin.

“It still may not be enough. You'll have to look him in the eye, show him you know him, you know me,” he growled, low and quiet, as your heartbeat hammered in your chest. His nose trailed up your arm, lips leaving searing kisses along your skin. By the time he was nosing behind your ear you had pressed flush to him, arm winding around his waist and fisting into his jacket. Puffs of breath warm your skin, each deep inhale followed by a rattling exhale. When his tongue laved a wet path along your neck your knees almost gave out.

“Lover, your scent is strongest here,” he whispered, one lithe hand cupping your sex. The electric slide of his palm pulled a whine from your mouth, a pleading yes, that dropped you on your back with Jack’s face between your legs. As he scented and mouthed at the cradle of your arousal, you thought his fervor might be reminiscent of the wolf.

The lovemaking that followed was slow, careful, sensual and deep, like every time Jack takes you apart. He likes it that way, wants the wolf to be far from your soft body. Sometimes, you wish he would allow a small part of him in. 

When the moon fills next, you watch him pace the locked room, eyes sharp and fearful. 

“This is not a good idea. You should leave. This won’t work, please leave,” he pleads, even though the lengths of chain manacling his wrists and neck keep him several paces from you. You steel your jaw, resolute.

“I’ll be here the whole night, okay?”

Jack shakes his head, rolling his shoulders with a hiss as the transformation begins. 

“The whole time. You aren’t shouldering this alone anymore.”

Pain wracks his face, body folding to kneel on the ground. His breath comes out in short bursts, panting against the change overcoming him.

“I love you, Jack Russell, and I will love the beast you harbor.”

The howl that rips from Jack’s throat raises goosebumps all over. Watching in morbid fascination, Jack’s lean body snaps and cracks as hands become claws, his chest barrels out and hair blankets his body. His face, however, remains. You worried that he would be unrecognizable, but once the transformation ends he truly is a wolf-man. The rattle of the chains snap you back to your predicament.

“Jack, it’s me,” you say, loud and clear, as the wolf watches you with interest. He stalks to the end of his lead with a snap, snarling and spitting as you circle him. “Breathe, Jack. You said you’d know my scent anywhere. Breathe. Know I’m here.”

The wolf seems to pay you some mind, following your path while huffing and watching you. After circling the room once you take a step closer. The wolf doesn’t move, only watches your slow approach.

“Jack, I don’t want to rush it, but it might have worked,” you say, still two good paces away but closer than you ever thought you would get. Relief bleeds into your bones. This could work.

Metal shrieks as the wolf yanks hard against his restraints, and with molasses-slow observation you witness the chain failing, zipping through the manacles and collar as the wolf pulls free. Your reflexes catch up, spinning you around and into a dead sprint, but you’re against a creature with supernatural abilities. He’s on you before you can get three paces.

The slam of your back against the floor knocks the wind out of you, tears springing to your eyes. 

“Jack, please,” you gasp, eyes shut and body shaking underneath the weight of the wolf’s bulk. When jaws don’t snap around your skull you hazard a look.

His eyes are human, not yellow or red as rubies, raking over your face. The press of his claws against your chest keeps you beneath him, hips forcing your legs apart. You lie still, waiting for some sign that he knows who you are. 

A hot breath, a dip of his head to stroke his nose across your cheek. You almost start crying again, this time in relief.

“Oh Jack, Jack you’re there,” you gasp, hands coming up to hold the wolf’s face so gently. He nuzzles into your touch, coarse hair slipping through your fingers. You bask in it for a moment longer, waiting for him to release you. 

When you meet the wolf’s eyes again you see something you didn’t expect, that never crossed Jack’s mind to anticipate. 

The wolf has your scent, laced through with arousal and carnality. Blood rushes to your face when his hips grind into yours, a hard length pressing against your apex. He’s larger than Jack, almost impossibly so, hefty and throbbing against you. The claw on your chest moves to cover your breast, squeezing gentler than you thought possible for something so menacing.

“Oh…oh shit,” you whisper, the wolf’s snarl almost becoming a smirk.

You were his mate after all. And you would be there all night.

NEXT

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[tawus]

what is your advice on writing smut? i rlly struggle with creating the chemistry and the tingly feeling in the pits of my stomach it ends up coming out too formulated

Sorry about the delay in answering this. I’ll give my personal pointers and also a more well-rounded resource at the end for the deeper dive

1. Good smut is driven by dialogue, with stakes

Usually for the purpose of turning us on, you gotta have dialogue. Endless descriptions of sexual acts on their own end up becoming dull and nowadays there is SO much smut content out there that if you get bored with one, you can instantly click on a different fic.

Sexual acts come secondary and they’re tied to the primary thread of the tension-filled dialogue between the characters. All the way to the end there’s gotta be dialogue, and the sexual acts are performed almost in the background.

Plus, this is fanfiction, right? We turn to fics to be able to indulge in the attention of our 2D faves. So any dialogue line you write - we will read in the voice of our favourite character and that is what breathes life into that scene.

One of my best smut works is in chapter 6 of Sophisticated (warning: very filthy), but god knows I spent so much time building up the tension between the characters that some readers actually began complaining under the previous chapters, going "When are they gonna fuck already??". When they finally did fuck, 10 out of 10 readers admitted it was worth the wait. Doesn’t mean you gotta write a slowburn longfic to deliver a great smut, but you gotta establish the stakes for either character: what do they have to lose as a result of this lapse of judgement? What does it mean for each of them to let the other fuck them? Don’t be afraid to give your Reader character a personality and preferences - I know a lot of ‘x reader’ authors are afraid to do this, but I do nothing but this.

2. Good smut has to turn me on as I write it

This is lowkey TMI but it is what it is. I tend to write my smut scenes in one sitting, or two if it’s a really long one. I make sure to sit down to write it at a time I know I won’t be interrupted, so that I can catch the horny flow and ride it to the very end. I don’t think about how my sentences turn out, I just keep writing and writing it as filthy as it gets. Editing the text on a later day will fix it all up.

Onanism beforehand is forbidden btw. If you do, post-nut clarity will set in and you won’t be in the right mind for writing smut.

3. Good smut is built around MY kinks

Say, if you chose to take on a commission or a request, in that case you might be forced to write someone else’s kink – and even in that case, it won’t come out quite as genuine if you don’t at least try to embody their kink. But in general when you’re writing fics, centre your smut scenarios around your OWN kinks. That way they will come out most authentic. Don’t try to cater to everyone; you’ll never be able to. Whatever your favourite way of doing the nasty is, write it that way and I guarantee you there will be readers out there who share your preferences and those will be the ones who appreciate your work.

4. You can be inspired by well written smut, but please, for the love of enjoyment and author integrity, don’t copy – it shows.

Sorry, this isn’t directed towards you, but I’ve had experience related to this where someone copied my smut scene almost word for word and I was just like…bruh. In any case, because there is already so much smut content both here and AO3, people are just looking for something new, something unorthodox, something that doesn’t use the same cookie-cutter smut sentences, scenarios, and terms. So the more original your scene is, the better! Don't be afraid to get extra filthy with your descriptions or dialogue lines, venture out of those bounds you read in other smut fics.

And here is the external all-rounded source for writing steamy stuff: ‘I Give You My Body’ by Diana Gabaldon. Dm me if you can’t get it anywhere

[viperwhispered]

Those fic writer asks kinda got me thinking about my fic writing process, too (as inspired by diodellet's reply).

So, ramble time.

I guess I would mostly describe my writing process as sort of top down iterative thing?

Like, I definitely do messy first (and even second) drafts. I put down general ideas, some bits of text if I do already have some ideas for a particular scene, but mostly I try to get the basic structure together. What happens next, what's happening in this scene (and what's the point of it), stuff like that.

So the first draft might have some actual prose to it, and even prose that makes it to the end of the editing process, but often the sentences are shorter, or cut off, or have like three different alternatives. But in there might be some more refined exchanges (I tend to be kinda dialogue first a lot of the time), or bits of description there. Almost like points of (relative) clarity in the mud.

Typically, if I don't know what I want to do at a spot exactly, I leave it open to figure out for later and move onto the next bit. Of course, sometimes I need to figure out a direction before I can do that - for example, whether someone would be antagonistic or amiable in the previous scene certainly can affect what would happen after, and stuff like that. But in general, I jot down what I can, and leave difficult bits to be something I come back to later.

Now, I wouldn't say there's necessarily a definite point where I could call the first draft done and perhaps move on to the second. Like I said, it's very much an iterative process, and different parts of the work tend to get worked on at different times, depending on when I find solutions to my questions.

Typically, however, when I feel like I've got the structure down, I start focusing on the parts I've marked (I do a lot of comments but also formatting etc. to note the things that still could do with some work). Basically, it's multiple passes of going through the notes, dwindling them down.

Like, for any given part of the work, the structure would be something like: what's happening here in general > alright what's being said or done here > alright how exactly are they saying or doing it > what's the best word choices here.

Of course, in practice, all these levels muddle together, and different parts of the work will be in different stages. But as I go through the passes of the work, ticking off my notes, sorting out the parts that I've identified as needing work, I usually go down more and more into detail, until the final pass(es) are about particular words, sentence flow, or things like that - things very specific to that particular location of the work, rather than the larger, more overarching things.

So, depending on the length of the work, it may be that I only read through the whole thing once I feel like the structure is down. Then I go through the pinpointed things, until I have no more notes left, and read through the whole thing when I post it.

Again, not a hard and fast rule, and of course sometimes when looking at a particular, it is helpful and important to "zoom out" and look at the whole, and remind myself of everything that's happening around the particular spot I'm at. But in general, I don't really read through the whole thing, from beginning to end, all that much. Partially because I'm trying not to tinker endlessly, partially because I'm trying to make sure I don't end up just working on the first part of the work and neglecting the end of it.

So, it's been quite some time since I did long, multipart work, but I definitely did plot things out in advance, at least to get a general idea of what was coming, then again did multiple passes, adding more and more detail, going deeper and deeper from the level of general story or themes to the level of the text itself. For a shorter work, maybe most of it comes out at once, but even then if I'm stuck on a particular point I do try to just mark it up and move forward to get back later.

Years ago, on some forum, I remember describing the writing process as finding a big bead or pearl (a central scene, motive or idea) and then working on finding the complementing things around it to turn it into a proper necklace. Lately, however, I've been more willing to allow myself to just do that one big pearl: make it a drabble, just post the concept without prose, whatever.

In a way, it's kinda freeing, not telling myself it has to be long and "proper" to be worthwhile. There's always gonna be more ideas coming than I have time to write, after all, and especially nowadays I really want to make sure I'm doing this for fun and not for any sort of must or should or have to.

I say, pretending I don't feel the impending deadline for that fic that I've been kinda thinking about writing for my birthday - I had soo much time left when I first thought of it and now there's like couple weeks until my birthday. Time sure has been sneaking past me.

ETA: oh yeah, I wanted to mention it somewhere but forgot, there have also been those times when I've kinda just splurted out fic straight onto a discord channel. Definitely less refined than what I'd consider my "proper" way of writing, but I guess this is to say that sometimes I have been known just write without the edits and revisions and stuff.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

got some exceptionally good anon asks this morning (not sarcastic!!) asking for some more clarity on 1) why i believe the novel canon supports jgy’s tenure as being largely a net positive for the cultivation world, and 2) reconciling that with his violence and cruelty in jinlintai

so anons, if you follow me, pls be patient while i put together my response today! (i’m getting ready to go on holiday and have a bit less free time to fuck around in tumblr) i will point you towards specific chapters and statements in the novel where i can.

for my fellow jgy stans, would love it if you could drop some chapters or pages that jumped out at you in my replies, i know i can’t possibly remember everything.

edit: sup anon, if you're interested, there's some good discussion happening in the notes on this post that may answer some of your questions. but I'll still answer your ask with specific chapters, page numbers, and quotations. it just might happen later this weekend lol mea culpa. 🙏

[lepertamar]

Stars That Rise At Dawn 2023 Revised vs 2019 edition differences: Part 1

I'm going to go through this in mostly linear order because I'm not sure of what the best/most useful way of organizing it otherwise is.

This is ftr mostly for the benefit of people who have read the inferior 2018 edition but aren't convinced they want to/would catch everything if they re-read the whole thing again cover-to-cover. Or for people who read both versions and are interested in them. I don't hugely recommend it for people who read only the new edition, because as far as I can tell from chatting with some other people, the changes or deletions are not really for the purpose of pacing or anything like that, where the earlier version's information still stands or illuminates but was cut out solely for narrative purposes. Instead it seems that changes and especially deletions happened because the information in the earlier version was unwanted, incorrect, out of continuity, or flat-out wrong. Which I think is interesting to keep in mind.

So long sequence of passages with changes under the cut. I've put some commentary of my own opinion on a few of the changes, but the author mostly only explains her decisions with and enigmatic 'improving continuity with the rest of the series' so the effects are pretty subjective.

I tried to put small changes/additions of the 2023 revision in bold, and when I extensively quoted the 2018 edition, put it in strikethrough red. (edited to have strikethrough instead of just color for accessibility and clarity)

This part 1 covers the prologue through chapter 14

[eta: Part 2 is here, and Part 3 is here

Prologue: Part of Tamar's pov is changed. The previous version went:

every time she’s felt God near her, They are fire, They are a burning light, They are a thousand voices in unison. Tamar definitely gets along with Them.Probably because she sometimes feels a little like fire herself.

to the less awkwardly forcing of 'liking obviously = similar' to a more resonant:

“and every time she’s felt God’s mind, her want is sharp and harsh and burning. Like God, maybe.”

Later in the prologue, two things are significantly removed: the line "that's not exactly how it works" after Tamar says I want to see You; and when describing Safirah's price "and they even read Tamar's mind. So a price, but things gained as well." Instead it ends, as a completed thought, with “their entire left arm got completely scorched in still-swirling burn marks, was made entirely unusable; but, in that arm, they still, to this day, can feel God’s soul.”

Both of these deletions take out normalizing, qualifying, easily-understandable 'excuses' for Tamar's desire, and also enhance her agency in terms of emphasizing that it's truly, really her act of seeing that blinds her, and that G-d can Be Seen. And after "there's not much else to think except that she likes Them" there is the added line:

“It’s not an explanation, but she might lie to herself if she tried to explain.”

This mirrors Eliya's line several chapters later during her first theurgy lesson:

“I… can’t say. I might lie if I did. Because I don’t know for sure what the answer is, and if I do try to answer, I might say it wrong.”

Chapter 1:

The only change here is to the epigraph: originally "Once Heaven expected, all to come to Me in fire. Now understood desires many." the revision says "Once Heaven expected, all after death to wake to fire. Now understood desires many."

This is most likely to emphasize that this is specifically about the afterlife solely, and has no connection to Tamar's act in the prologue.

Chapter 2:

I also only noticed a change in the epigraph, the original one was completely deleted, and replaced with one that was originally later in the book in a less funny position. Given what we learn of Jibril in book 2, this is incredibly fitting:

“Okay, I admit, in the first few years of Šehhinah I did kind of try to interview the newly-alive humans about how they felt, being alive and human and stuff, and if they were excited or if I could help… apparently that was awkward for them or something. Oh well. —the angel Jibril, A Thousand Open Letters, Just Because”

The original, which was deleted, was:

Most philosophers, especially those who are also Holy, understand that as Heaven is an extension of God, its brightness would be like nothing on Šehhinah other than God's direct manifestations in the Holy themselves. This does much to disprove earliest recorded Stone Age conceptions of Heaven as merely a reward for a life welllived, considering that none would be denied Heaven save those who do not wish to be surrounded with near-painful flaming brilliance, which may indeed be a large number of people…—Remi Akkagal, Introductory Philosophy

I believe this deletion is largely to be a little less blatantly and early-on spelling-out what 'heaven' in this world is to ppl who have other stupid pop-cultural conceptions um the readers, instead allowing them to piece it together over the course of the book. I liked this change although the author is giving readers too much credit lol.

chapter 3: No changes I could find

chapter 4:

the only change I could find was this:

Previous version:

“it might be a bad idea to get you involved. You know, ethically. Especially given that you’re a demon, that might be really bad. Could reflect badly on your people.” “Then again, hampering me to make or not make decisions purely based on the way people might pity me and assume me to have mental problems when they see this”—Hannuša gestures at her yellow eyes, the small black horns on her head—“is itself, I would think, ethically questionable.”

Revised version:

“it might be a bad idea to get you involved. You know, ethically. Especially given that you’re a demon, that might be really bad. Could reflect badly on you.” “Then again, hampering me to make or not make decisions purely based on the way people might pity me and assume me to have childhood trauma when they see this”—Hannuša gestures at her yellow eyes, the small black horns on her head—“is itself, I would think, ethically questionable.”

specifying 'childhood trauma' and taking out 'reflect badly on your people' does more to convey the idea of sehhinah demons being nothing like irl assumptions of what demons are, or common genre conventions of demons.

chapter 5:

I elaborated on the major change in chapter 5 here, and in the interests of making this post shorter, I won't repeat the commentary. But the book Lucifer is reading, and their reaction to it, has been changed to:

“This girl in a coastal town—which I’m pretty sure is fabricated, unless there’s been a sudden increase of coastal towns in the last twenty years or something—is in with the wrong group of people, the ringleader of which basically forces her to be a Holy. It’s pretty contrived how that happens, but it’s believable enough, all things considered. So this girl, you see, she doesn’t actually want to be Holy, and she’s lost the use of both hands, that was her price. And she fucking hates it. So either she lets her awful friend, who’s just lost the use of most of one arm, do everything for her, basically being totally dependent on her, or worse, rely on other Holies, which just isolates her even more from the rest of the world.” Yenatru doesn’t know what to make of that. “I thought you said it was an adventure book.” “Well, I think it’s setting her up to join a crew of pirates.” Yenatru raises his eyebrows. “How does that connect?” “That’s what I was reading to find out,” Lucifer says with a grin. “Definitely my kind of book. I might actually want a copy, assuming this girl doesn’t end up discovering that, oh, no, she actually loves being a Holy, loves being all fucked up by,” Lucifer’s voice was already dripping with disdain, but now she gags almost theatrically, making her opinion even more clear.”

....

“I’ll be around. Seriously. There’s this book about an unwilling Holy possibly becoming a pirate. And the author has more books.”

(This also emphasizes that Lucifer intentionally seeks out content about Holies with relish instead of avoiding it, as long as it's negative and fearmongering)

Chapter 6:

The only change I noticed was the epigraph, again, where the original (an excerpt from a will of someone bequeathing their manifestations to their children) was entirely removed, and replaced with:

“All angel-made manifestations are contaminated. Therefore is the world contaminated, and it is the way of contaminated things to contaminate each other further, a cascade of reactions guaranteed to bring ruin. Instead of any possibility of cleansing, the Fiery One only reaches further, as the greedy among the humans sell themselves for a taste of that corruption. I for one hold out hope that soon the First to Fall will return from his wanderings and deem me worthy of receiving his guidance… —Asriel, Third to Fall, 1032 A.C.”

I absolutely have to comment on this because it is DELIGHTFUL and I laughed out loud. Coming after the previous chapter, which both has the aforementioned book change, and Lucifer bemoaning how much they dislike other Fallen, it both hints at what types of ppl Lucifer might be bitching about (epigraphs from other Fallen throughout the rest of the book and the series indicate that Lucifer is overgeneralizing however), and highlights their hypocrisy about judging them.

Secondly, this means The Stars That Rise At Dawn is the one and only -- the one, and only -- fictional book I've ever encountered that explicitly models an ancient, global, historical and cultural meme: that most christian concepts of the Devil, and of Hell, is explicitly based on Jewish G-d -- the explicit, overwhelming, ubiquitous association with fire, blood dashing and blood marking, and flesh sacrifice by burning of offerings throughout the jewish Tanakh, especially in Exodus, the frightening imagery of fire and brimstone, the conception of G-d as a challenging and frightening figure who makes deals and bargains (covenants, even) with humans. Most especially found in foundational Gnostic theology that explicitly (rather than the implicit and often unintentional coding above that mainstream christian imagery does) identifies Jewish G-d as a false god, the archon and demiurge, who is responsible for creating a fallen, sinful, material world as an intentional prison rather than an incomplete starting point a la grapes without wine, and whom Jews evilly follow and worship, trying to maintain the sinful world rather than escaping to neoplatonic purity of forms, where the True God, the New Testament god who includes Jesus Christ, rules instead. And Stars, instead of buying into it directly or eliding it by forcibly identifying g-d with the christian god, basically says 'yep! sehhinah g-d IS more like jewish g-d who IS more like the christian devil than christian god, and tamar IS more like someone who sold her soul greedily for this-worldly, this-life overreaching curiosity and lust to taste that hellfire! but it is still very very very much undeniably g-d, the creator of the world, the colloquial g-d, the god of the torah, not a reacting or opposing figure. AND IT SLAPS!'

Chapter 7-9: no changes I noticed

Chapter 10:

The previous epigraph is moved to chapter 2, and is replaced here with:

“There are surviving legends from pre-Askannite times of a block of ice, already clearly unique and therefore Theurgic given the tropical climate, in which one can see a girl, sleeping. The block itself has been lost since the volcanic eruption, making it difficult to ascertain whether the sleeping girl is, in fact, the Theurgist who made it, perhaps in her own coffin, or even as some once suggested, alive and waiting to wake…     —Iśja the Seafarer, Qallit the Recordkeeper, et al, Surveys of Manifestations of the Western Coast”

Chapter 11: no changes I noticed

Chapter 12:

The epigraph about the first holy in history has been entirely deleted, and replaced with:

“Raziel is unique among angels in taking a form most similar to a serpent, although of course no natural serpent has wings let alone so many… —Eli Rashina, A Brief History of Angels”

THIS IS SO DELIGHTFUL. This is almost certainly a reference simultaneously to the serpent in eden, the concept of winged serpents as a likely possible form for seraphim in some jewish angelology, and the Sefer Raziel haMalakh

I can make a guess that for the most part, the original epigraph here was removed because it was a bit unpleasantly Set and Neat as a story of deliberate awareness where all the agency rested on g-d, and had a slightly irritating to me framework, rather than anything that matches either Tamar's experience or the ideas that come up in the next two books.

Later in the chapter, the very artificial line "it’s almost too bad that adults almost never become demons. If they could, that’d at least round out this circle of betrayal." is removed.

Chapter 13: no changes I remember

Chapter 14: The epigraph about the (rather prosaic overview of) angels' making of the world is taken out, replaced by the epigraph with sa-shira's poem greeting g-d, which was previously on chapter 15.

I elaborated on one of the major changes to the text of chapter 14 in the same post I linked regarding the change to chapter 5. The linked change to chapter 14 is that after asking about Tamar, Lucifer adds:

“No chance it was like that book I read? Kidnapped by a childhood friend, forced to do it?” Lucifer’s voice sounds disconcertingly hopeful. “I don’t think it was that,” Yenatru says.”

I also commented, and in a subsequent reblog chain got an absolute Eyeful of how hard and thickly people will project what they already think instead of being capable of absorbing new or unexpected information, on a minor change in the chapter:

Old version:

“Nope,” she says. “Well, except for my replacement, Metatron he’s the same way almost exactly except that he matches the gender of whoever he’s talking to in presentation”

New version:

“Nope,” she says. “Well, except for that guy who calls himself ‘The Adversary,’ a Fallen, he’s the same way almost exactly except that he matches the gender of whoever he’s talking to in presentation”

I thought that the reason for this change was because it's a lot funnier, or because replacements were no longer canon, but as you can see in this utterly fascinating reblog chain, clearly even my paranoia-addled rock-bottom expectations were too high. Despite the fact that this passage comes almost immediately after a discussion of the Covenant and resurrection:

“But… we don’t know what’s going to happen then.” “Don’t we?” Lucifer tilts her head a little. “Everyone’s life serves as an argument for what they want after the Resurrection. That’s what”—she looks like she has to force the next word out, closing her eyes and swallowing hard—“God decided on. And honestly, despite everything, I can respect that. Fuck, I do respect that.” “Then why do you act like you think you know?” “I’ve been alive for a while. Seen people live, known some closely. Our lives argue for us, and I’ve seen thousands of years of those arguments.” “But no one agrees.” Lucifer laughs. “Exactly. Or, almost exactly. Part of what I’m getting at is that there’ll be a lot. There’ll be—well, hey, my life gets to be an argument too, actually. I mean, especially given that I’m half the reason the Covenant was made at all.”

and despite how G-D IS THE ONE WHO DECIDED AND IS DOING THE COVENANT, based on THEIR OWN REALIZATIONS AND CHANGES IN IDEAS AND ACKNOWLEDGED MISTAKES, despite the fact this happened 6,000 years ago and is foundational boringly basic theology about the world and G-d, despite the fact that the very first epigraph in the book is the text of the covenant where g-d is saying your lives will argue for you, despite Eliya's statement of the very obvious in-universe "lucifer and lilith proved god’s expectations wrong", and that the whole point of the covenant was about how g-d changes Their mind/learns from Their mistakes, and hannusa's (eye-rollingly explicit, i thought!) "god supports lucifer plenty you know" comment, all of this new information about this new different fantasy world evaporated and made no dent even to a person who is genuinely demonstrably smart!!!!!!

this is just absolutely FASCINATING in terms of how massive an avalanche of entrenched projection this book is apparently laboring against, despite its casual, slice-of-life-manga-esque tone. I always knew this general ~subject was extremely loaded with preexisting connotations and expectations and therefore really really hard for people (even jews) to not project the american pop-christian pickle juice they've been swimming in since birth on, but I did underestimate regardless. So if I'm being a little pendantic in this meta, please forgive me lol, I have to adjust my expectations for anyone and everyone else, even if I know and respect you, much MUCH lower than I thought I did.

I'll get to part 2 and hopefully all the rest of the chapters tomorrow.

[alagaesia-headcanons]

I have a proper update for Clear Horizons!

(For my new followers, here's an explanation of this fic!)

I've finally finished drafting the section that was giving me the most trouble!!! I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but it's a significant and gratifying mark of progress. The part I'm working on is after Murtagh and Orrin first meet, but before a scene I've planned where their relationship takes a turn and reaches a new understanding. So in that span they have a lot of chemistry and care for each other but they're also still hesitant and guarded. It's a very tricky dynamic to write. It still needs more depth, I haven't gotten to that emotional development scene yet, but I'm now finished with the first week Murtagh spends in Aberon with Orrin.

My main breakthrough with the frustrations I was having with that was to cut two of the scenes I already wrote and move them to a later point in the story. Then I reconsidered what I wanted the first week to cover. The writing progress went especially slow, even by my standards, and the section ended much longer than I expected it too. But I think both were worthwhile. This section is crucial for laying a lot of the foundation everything else will build upon. The prolonged time I spent with each piece gave me the room to untangle the needs of the story and the detail throughout numerous consecutive scenes gives clarity to the major cornerstones. (I pray I'll still feel that way when I go back to edit it later lol)

I optimistically think the pace will pick back up again when I carry on with the rest of act 2. This should be one of the only continuous spans of time that's fully rendered out with such intensive and thorough detail. I think just two other points in the story might get a similar treatment. I'm approaching the rest with a more selective focus that helps move the story along.

I have a plan for how I should proceed now, which has numerous parts. First and foremost with concerns to Clear Horizons, I'm going to take the opportunity to pause writing the actual fic and shift back to note taking, with the goal of hammering out Thorn's character arc. Unlike my last desperate bout of note taking, I've been prepared to tackle this from the outset. In this whole process, Thorn has been by far the hardest part for me, for a myriad reasons. It's very important to me to give him a character arc with meaningful significance to the story, and initially I had no idea how to accomplish that, but I realized that I had to start without it if I wanted to start at all. So I drafted all of act 1 aware that I still needed to figure out my intentions for Thorn and I would have to add in more writing to integrate that.

I can tell this is the right time to do that. I'm glad I didn't let it stop me from jumping in; it feels more approachable now then it did then. I still anticipate that it'll be very tricky, but now I have some ideas to guide me and I believe I can do this. I also hope it will fill out some of the other gaps in the plans I do have. My last note taking stint helped a lot with the other main character arcs. Orrin's specifically is the strongest right now, I think it's in a really good pace. Murtagh's is far improved, though it feels like it still has some pieces missing. As I wrestle with Thorn, I'm going to pay close attention to how that can contribute to Murtagh's arc because they naturally should weigh on each other quite a lot. I hope figuring out my intentions with Thorn will provide much of the connective tissue I'm missing right now.

Before continuing with the main writing, I'd also like to edit the rest of act 1 that I haven't gotten to yet. It's a pretty arduous process, but I know it wouldn't be smart to put it off much longer. It's very valuable and I should at least edit up to the last section of act 1. It might be more effective to wait on that one because I think it will be overhauled the most after Thorn is properly added to the equation.

There are some other things I want to add in act 1 too. While making those notes, I recognized key aspects of both Murtagh and Orrin that deserve more exploration. I plan to take the first two sections, one about each of them, and divide them both in half so there's four sections, then I can add those details throughout them. I think it will also improve the pacing. That's currently not my priority, so I don't know if I'll do that before returning to writing progress, but it's in the plans.

On a different track, I want to take a small break before getting back to that grind. For a significant length of time now, Clear Horizons has held my attention largely uninterrupted. It's eclipses my other creative impulses. I don't feel like that's inherently bad, I often set aside my other interests for a while to pursue inspiration for a certain thing. But given how long I think Clear Horizons will take, even from this point, I don't want to do that the whole time. It's already been a long time since I've drawn anything, and longer still since I've worked with clay. I have a stretch of time off around Christmas and I think I'm going to force myself to not work on writing during that and enjoy other things. Since I have quite limited free time in my day to day, part of me gets frustrated feeling like having a lot of time and not using it to work on this is a waste. I need to remind myself that a project like this is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and taking breaks will benefit me in the end.

(There's a very high chance I'll make some Eragon related art anyway lol. And also Hubert. Maybe I'll show you guys Hubert.)

I also hope the mental break will push me to answer the asks people have sent me too! I'm sorry it's taken so long, I promise I won't forget! Clear Horizons honestly has been the biggest distraction from that. That being said, since it occupies so much of my mind, I always adore taking about it. Of course I still welcome all kinds of asks, but especially anything about Murtagh, Orrin, them together, or my fic specifically- and I'll also probably answer any of those right away because I seriously can't resist lmao (This isn't a headcanon blog anymore but this ship is the sole exception, I have so many feelings)

I really hope you guys will love this when it's finally complete. Part of me is nervous, but I'm doing my best to trust that the act of putting so much devotion into it will shine through on the other side ❤️

[wutheringmights]

Doppelgänger: A Trip Into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein is an interesting read.

I've never really read political books before (it took me a long time to learn how to manage my anxiety well enough to not break down whenever anything happened in the political news cycle), and I'll be the first to admit that it feels like a glaring fault on my part. I should be more well-informed beyond just what I see on social media.

I ended up picking this book because a podcast I listen to, If Books Could Kill, recommended it. Kinda. Their episode on it is only on their patreon, and I only listened to the teaser they have on Spotify. Or, uh, just the first five minutes of the teaser-- long enough to hear that they mostly recommended it. I turned it off and put the book on hold at the library as soon as I could.

Overall, I really like this book. Klein is a great writer, and she has a way of writing about big ideas that make them not only easy to understand but also compelling. I had no trouble reading this book throughout all of the airport time I had last week while on a trip.

The first half of the book is dedicated to sorting through what the fuck happened during COVID. The way she applies concepts like diagonalism and pipikism really helps to add clarity to what happened then, and how the political shifts still bleed into now. My favorite chapter was one on the ways wellness culture intertwines with the far right. (I have a sibling who works as an RD, and I have already told her that she just needs to read that one chapter.)

However, I think her framing device about doppelgangers and Naomi Wolf doesn't quite work. By the last third of the book, Wolf is all but forgotten, and you can feel Klein struggle to fit the full array of Leftist ideology into the frame world of doubles and doppelgangers. There was a point of time where Klein was framing Israel's oppression of Palestinians as a form of "doubles," and it's just... you can just tell that Klein wanted to talk about this but couldn't really fit this into the doppelganger and Mirror World framework. Maybe this chapter will get revised in later editions, especially since this book came out before the attacks and genocide on Gaza. Right now, it's just a clunky way of looking at colonization, especially with what is happening right now.

Speaking of which, some of the terms she came up with were outright silly. I can withstand the Mirror World stuff, but I draw a line at the Shadow Lands. Like, come on Klein. Don't you hear how silly that is?

Overall, Doppelganger works best as a primer for Leftist politics. If you are uninformed, this is a good place to get caught up in the past 5 years of thought. But Klein's framework doesn't always work, and her various chapters don't quite meld with each other. If you are already the most well-informed person on the planet, then you might be bored by this.

But if you just want a starting point, this book is a great introduction.

--

Doppelgänger: A Trip Into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein

Rating: 4/5

[goodqueenaly]

I apologize if this is a question you've already answered. Your posts about the "She-Wolves of Winterfell" are really interesting and that's an ASOIAF historical story I find really interesting. For some reason I had thought that Serena was older than Sansa, but apparently not. I am probably missing something obvious, but was wondering if you have any theories about Serena marrying Edric rather than Barthogan or Brandon? I know that Sansa and Serena were deliberately prevented from ruling Winterfell in their own right, but it seemed like a deliberate effort to exclude them even from being the line that the ruling Starks descend from? I feel like I'm maybe off the mark though?

For one, there seems to be some lack of clarity, at least for now, on the birth order of Rickon Stark's daughters. While TWOIAF's Stark family tree lists Serena as the elder sister and Sansa as the younger, Elio Garcia made a comment on Discord (reproduced on the Westeros.org forums) that per GRRM's own notes, Sansa was the elder and Serena the younger. This would not be the first time later volumes edited or changed established dynastic details, of course - indeed, F&B eliminated one of Jaehaerys and Alysanne's sons, introduced a new daughter, and reshuffled the birth order of their other children - and so I will not at all be surprised if, say, whatever "The She-Wolves of Winterfell" ends up being called confirms that Sansa was really the elder of the two daughters of Rickon.

Anyway, the marriages of Rickon's daughters are a largely (as yet) unexplained but very intriguing detail in the history of the Stark family. If Sansa really were the elder (and assuming that the birth order of Cregan's sons by Lynara will not change), then theirs would have been the marriage of the most senior male-line descendant of Cregan and the eldest surviving son of Cregan, a powerful combination of dynastic claims. Did Cregan and/or anyone else involved in making the marriage arrange just such a match because he (or, again, anyone else involved) envisioned Sansa and Jonnel as ruling as joint lord and lady, rather than one spouse subservient to the other? Did whoever arranged this match want to subsume Sansa's claim into Jonnel's - keeping her as only the future Lord Jonnel's consort rather than allowing her to press forward her own claim (with her own aristocratic husband, perhaps, to back her)? Or just the opposite - did the architect(s) of this union believe that Sansa should be the ruling Lady of Winterfell someday and wish to prevent Cregan's eldest surviving son from challenging her claim to the high seat of the Starks? Any or none of the above might have been the explanation for the marriage, but until and unless we learn more about the times and players involved, these and many other questions remain outstanding (and really, I could probably think of a thousand more possibilities of what any of the individuals involved might have been thinking, but that's a deep rabbit hole for as yet so little information).

As for Serena and Edric, their marriage is even more vague and subject to speculation. To cite Elio Gracia again, he asserts that Serena was first married to Jon Umber and then to Edric Stark. There is no telling when either of these marriages (much less specifically the one with Edric) occurred, and still less what might have driven such a union. Perhaps their marriage was an attempt to breed Rickon's line back into the ruling Stark dynasty, with Jonnel have no son by either Sansa or his second wife, Robyn Ryswell; as Edric would be Jonnel's heir presumptive for lack of (male) issue on the latter's part, maybe Serena was encouraged/arranged/forced to marry Edric in order to consolidate potentially warring claims into a dynastically suitable (and, again, presumably male) child. Perhaps it was an attempt by Edric to assert himself and/or his wife against elder brother Jonnel (especially if Sansa had already died), by claiming that Serena was the rightful heiress to Winterfell and Jonnel a usurper. Perhaps it arose from reluctance to have Serena marrying a non-Stark northern aristocrat and making a play for Winterfell against Cregan's sons. Perhaps it was genuinely a love match (especially since we have no sense of the relative ages of Cregan's sons and Rickon's daughters, making it entirely possible for them to have been of an age and raised together). Again, any or none of these suggestions might provide any explanation - we'll just have to wait for whatever "The She-Wolves of Winterfell" ends up being called, Fire and Blood Volume 2, and/or maybe details hinted at in TWOW (especially to the extent the Stark reunion at Winterfell was supposed to parallel or echo the events of "The She-Wolves of Winterfell").

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 1 Reactions (Less Coherent Edition)

It's been two and a half years, y'all, and what a start to the new season it was. (I've seen mixed reviews in the tag, but personally the initial reaction is I loved it.) What I apparently forgot in those two years, however, is that my in-the-moment reactions notes are not very coherent. So I apologize in advance if you aren't sure what part the note refers to. I'm going to make another post tomorrow with some more coherent thoughts around the episode and some predictions about the season in general (I'm also going to be rewatching the episode later so that might lend more clarity to the next post as well). I also cut out a chunk of my reactions that were just me screaming a character's name when they showed up, unless it makes sense for the next note to leave it in (and there were a lot of these, since it's been two and a half years since I've seen my friends).

Obligatory spoiler warning if you weren't already expecting them. Prepare for some wildness. I've bracketed [ ] some brief clarifying post-ep notes (not everywhere though).

I'm obnoxious, I'm watching the entire recap.

The editing of this recap is interesting.

The bleak theme is worrying. I don't like it. But I do love the color scheme of the logo.

SYLVIE???!!!

CASEY!!!

Okay hopefully that wasn't Sylvie.

Someone give this boi [Loki] a nap. He's had a very very very long day and it's only getting longer.

What the fuck is happening.

X-5 you've got the haircut of a cop, I've decided I don't like you.

Man, I hope we fix this time-slipping in this episode, it's stressing me out too fucking much.

Oh motherfuck. This is driving me insane. This is Sisyphean torture. [I don't remember what specifically I was referring to, so I don't remember if this is an accurate description.]

OH MY GOD I LOVE LIZ CARR I HOPE SHE STICKS AROUND [Man, Liz Carr is just hopping from franchise to franchise this summer. She's in Loki, Good Omens, The Witcher)

OH SHIT. Renslayer and Kang. If they kiss on tape I'm marking it on the Bingo.

I DESPERATELY want to know what B-15's backstory is. She's a fantastic character and I want to know how she used this personality on the timeline.

Keep that Hitler youth-looking fuck away from my girl!

Oh my god, I'm going to be watching this conversation in the hall between Loki and Mobius over and over, because I love every part of it. The panicking, the teasing, the touching, the making each other feel better. Just the entire debriefing, reuniting conversation is EVERYTHING to me right now.

"In order to do that I need a Loki Who Remains." I love this

"I have no memory of having my memory wiped." Mobius. This is Catherine Tate on Nevermind the Buzzcocks telling David Tennant "I don't know songs I've never heard of" solidarity [I understand I'm making obscure 13+ year old references but this quote lives in my head rent free]

Ugh I HATE time travel. But it makes sense why his name is OB now. Also his door is a circle.

OB IF YOU KILL LOKI I WILL END YOUR CUTE BESPECTACLED FACE FASTER THAN YOU CAN SAY "No...wait."

OB IF YOU KILL MOBIUS I WILL PERSONALLY FLAY THE SKIN FROM YOUR OWN BONES

Mobius writing "skin" into the dust on the computer lololololol

WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING JUST LET LOKI CONFESS

OB I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS IF ONE OF THESE BOYS EVEN SEEMS TO DIE AT THE END OF THIS EP

HOW IS HE GONNA HOOF IT BACK IF HE CAN BARELY CRAWL [I started getting really stressed at this point. It's pretty much caps lock from here on out.]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA END THIS EPISODE WITH MO BITING IT AND THEN LOKI FIXES IT IN EP TWO AND BRINGS HIM BACK

OR LOKI BITES IT AND THE OTHER WAY HAPPENS

THERE'S ELEVEN MINUTES LEFT BUT I DON'T TRUST MARVEL NOT TO MAKE ELEVEN MINUTES OF CREDITS

MARVEL DON'T MAKE ME CHECK OFF THE CRYING BOX [on the Bingo Card] ON EPISODE ONE

MARVEL

I WON'T BE ABLE TO SLEEP

MARVEL

LOKI

MOBIUS

LOKI

MOBIUS

SYLVIE MY DARLING MY PERFECT LOVE THANK YOU OH MY GOD

How wild is it that Loki comes flying back from the jaws of death itself and saves Mobius from getting his skin ripped off and they land on the floor of the TVA in each other's arms, and the first thing Loki does is bring up his ex-girlfriend [I wouldn't classify Sylvie as this, but I'm being tongue-in-cheek, and Mobius did accuse Loki of falling for himself in season 1, so]

OKAY BUT I WAS RIGHT THAT WAS SYLVIE AT THE BEGINNING [Before you reply, remember I can't respond to those, and also I forgot that was the past and at the end Loki's in the future. HOWEVER, I do still think that was Sylvie at the beginning.]

SHE IS IN BROXTON HELL YEAH WHOEVER FIGURED THAT OUT (I don't remember who that was) FOUR FOR YOU HOLY SHIT

Oh Sylvie :(((