#i read a stupid story so here's a fun group activity about it

[heesdreamer]

HALF RETURN

PAIRING ➩ jay x reader

SUMMARY ➩ your small towns yearly fall festival was your biggest pride and joy but getting your friends to help volunteer was nearly impossible. luckily one of them was stupid enough and too secretly inlove with you to help himself from offering.

WC ➩ 15.6k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ Surprise! It’s been a long time since I’ve sat down and wrote something that I actually enjoyed but this was a lot of fun to write and hopefully the start of me coming back on here in the future. It’s not my most exciting or hot and heavy piece of work but if you’re looking for a light fluffy small town read then I really hope you enjoy and let me know what you think. Happy fall everybody and thanks for your patience and support as always. NOT AT ALL PROOFREAD

The cold bite of fall had always been your favorite time of year, finding it easiest to romanticize both its pros and its cons.

Which was something you did with just about everything and everyone you ever encountered, making them larger than life as a character in your story before they were leaving and their starring chapter was turning the page with them.

So it was your favorite time of year for many reasons, the realistic ones like the fact it was the slowest months of work and you got more paid time off than you probably deserved, but also because it was so terribly romantic in all the sniffly nose and itchy sweater goodness that came along with it.

That’s why it was no surprise to the people around you that you were constantly surrounding yourself with fall activities and hobbies. Your small town didn’t offer much, mainly known for biking through the winding roads of the mountains and the sleek dark concrete that always seemed to be wet because of the constant rainfall. It did, however, have a yearly fall festival that you had been volunteering at since you were in middle school.

You’d always heard people growing up who talked about wanting to get out of your hometown, dreamily describing big cities they’d seen on vacations and how much different the world was past the mountains and trees.

You never felt the longing to escape something this beautiful and rare and while you figured the world outside was as amazing as they described, you preferred where you had grown up. It was quiet and easy to memorize, everybody knew everybody and treated each other like family so nobody stole from others or treated them poorly. It was easy to love and, in your mind, easy to stay in as you grew old and had your own family.

Despite your own strong feelings towards your hometown, your friends probably wanted to escape it more than the average person.

You’d spent more than a few dozen hangouts laying in various basements across old couches and listening to them talk about their dreams, dreams that would take them hundreds of miles away from this town and hundreds of miles away from you.

That didn’t stop you from excitedly rushing over to the assigned hangout house for the weekend, your bike tires going so fast they were kicking up mud onto your bare legs as you pushed your thighs past your limit to peddle.

You were hurriedly hopping off once you caught sight of the familiar house, leaning your bike against the chipped paint on the side of it and quickly kicking off your dirty shoes as you greeted the mother of one of your best friends. She wasn’t at all thrown off by your quick entry or the fact you were disappearing into the basement before she could respond or tell you to clean off your dirty legs, more than used to your group of friends coming and going as the sun set.

The sounds of your pounding footsteps didn’t even grab the attention of the group of people hanging out in the basement, only one looking up to watch you as you stumbled in.

“I have great news.” You announced with a large smile, hands extended towards them to really drive forward the importance of your words .

Jay, one of your lifelong friends and the one who had watched you as you entered, raised his eyebrows in question and sat up slightly, a direct opposite of the others who didn’t even bother to acknowledge you yet.

“Mrs. Potter broke her leg.” You squeaked out the news and clenched your hands into excited fist, your smile only faltering when Sunghoon was turning to look at you with a confused glare and Heeseung stopped plucking at the guitar strings he was tuning to give you a look of bewilderment. The room fell silent and you dropped your hands against your sides in upset.

“I know she can be a bit of a nag but is that really something to celebrate?” Jungwon had an eyebrow cocked as he looked at you finally but you could see a hint of amusement on his face.

You were dramatically groaning and sulking your way over to the couch, flopping down onto the spot next to Jay and failing to fully notice the way he was tensing up for a second and then awkwardly clearing his throat when your leg brushed against his. You wrote it off as him being weary of the mud on your legs getting onto his pants, giving him a quick sorry glance before scooting over a tad.

“Of course I’m not happy about her broken leg.” You shot Jungwon a glare for his purposefully wrong assumption and he gave you a smile, eyebrows raising and hiding behind his bangs for a second. “But since she’s injured, may she heal quickly, that means there’s an open job at the fair.”

The finality of the news drew out immediate reactions from your friends. Presenting in the form of an eye roll from Jungwon as he immediately lost interest in the conversation, a disbelieving laugh from Sunghoon and an apologetic smile from Heeseung.

“Sorry Y/N but I helped you last year.” He was shaking his head and plucking at the strings again, happy he had an excuse and the others didn’t.

“That was six years ago.” You deadpanned at him, remembering all too well considering how terrible of a volunteer the tall boy had been. It wasn’t long before he was being asked to step down by the couple who ran it so his position could be filled by somebody who didn’t let the popcorn machine overflow or hand out free prizes to any kid that sniffled and gave him their best begging puppy eyes.

He just shrugged at your correction and your frown deepened despite the fact you’d already figured they’d say no considering they’d been doing so for almost a decade. You had hoped the guilt from Mrs. Potters injury would have been enough to convince at least one of the four boys.

“You’ve been asking us for all this time and we’ve never accepted. Why not ask Jake from the soccer team, doesn’t he have the hots for you?” Sunghoon was speaking in a bored tone as he relayed the information, not paying enough attention to notice the way you froze up and stared at him in confusion.

“Dude…” Heeseung trailed off as he shot his friend an annoyed stare, stretching out his leg so he could kick the boys knee in a form of scolding.

“Jake likes me?” You sat up straighter and stared at the oldest boy, trusting his word over the other threes. “Like Jake Sim? How long have you guys known about this?”

They exchanged guilty looks between themselves and you turned to look at the boy closest to you for answers instead.

Jay had always been the most mature out of your little group, even when you were all kids pushing each other around on the playground. He seemed like the oldest at times even though Heeseung took that role, strikingly alert and calm when situations caused everyone else to panic. You definitely weren’t the closest though friendship wise considering he wasn’t the biggest talker, more likely to stand in the corner and take small sips of his drink than actually engage in your loud conversations.

You always figured this was because he didn’t have any friends outside of your circle. The other boys had some more casual buddies, take Jake Sim for example, but Jay pretty much stuck to himself if he wasn’t with the four of you.

He had a certain energy that you weren’t used to seeing growing up, something about him being different than the others and that was including you and your friends. Even his look stood out, jet black hair with piercing eyes that only looked more intimidating considering he primarily wore dark clothes and a hint of smudged eyeliner.

Most people in town, and school growing up, found his presence overly intimidating and you’d heard your fair share of whispers about him and your group of friends.

His attempts to be seen as scary and keep people away from him never was turned onto you and you’d dealt with a lot of teasing from the others boy, making fun of Jay for having a soft spot for you or pouting that he let you do things he always refused to do for them. He’d glare at them until they shut up and moved on or he’d offer a soft shrug, followed by a hint of a smile when you giggled lightly at his lack of denial.

That’s why you were turning to face him now with wide and begging eyes, leaning against his side and wrapping your hand around his hoodie clothed arm to make sure his attention was on you, despite the fact it always seemed to be anyways.

“Did you hear Jake saying he likes me Jay?” Your voice was sickeningly sweet and you could hear the other boys groaning in disgust at your attempts to butter up their friend.

It didn’t seem to be working this time considering he was just staring at you with a blank expression, gaze dropping to where your hand was holding him for just a second like he was considering something before he was shrugging softly. You pouted again at his lack of response despite knowing your friend was a man of few words.

“He wouldn’t tell Jay anyways doofus, he knows that he-“ Heeseung was laughing as he started to speak and explain something that was abruptly cut off by Jungwon aggressively chucking the magazine he was flipping through in his direction.

The older boy let out a yelp and held his hands up in surrender. You looked back at Jay confused and waiting for him to fill in the blanks, even more lost when you noticed him glaring at Heeseung with a slightly fearful expression under the anger.

You suddenly remembered you were still holding onto his arm and you gently squeezed it to try and bring his attention for you, grateful it worked when he was awkwardly meeting your gaze again and sighing softly. You cocked an eyebrow in silent conversation as you waited for him to tell you what they were being suspicious about, grateful that in the background Heeseung had started to strum at his guitar again and the other two begun to talk about nonsense.

“Do you think Jake likes me enough to help me with the fair?” Your voice was a low whisper as you stared at him, leaning in slightly and missing the way his jaw clenched at your question.

“You know me and Jake aren’t friends Y/N, I wouldn’t know anything about it.” He was overwhelmingly glad your friends weren’t paying attention anymore because he knew for a fact his voice had taken on that extra sweet tone he only used with you, meeting your volume and also whispering softly despite the fact you both didn’t need to.

You were pouting again and not moving away from his face, so busy in your thoughts you once again failed to notice the way his eyes were dropping down to your pushed out lips that were closer to his than usual.

He knew you were just being dramatic, something you commonly were regardless of the situation, but he couldn’t stand seeing the expression on your face or the disappointment in your eyes. He was taking in a big breathy sigh, getting your attention again as you squeezed his arm and gave him another wide eyed and hopeful look.

“But you don’t need to ask him anyways because I’ll volunteer with you.”

You were breaking out into a wide smile at the same exact time the other boys in the room were making shocked and angry exclamations, being drowned out by your excited shriek, you closed the distance between you and Jay and leapt forward to give him a hug, pressing his back against the armrest of the couch and practically falling into his lap out of excitement.

“Dude what are you talking about? What about band practice?” Sunghoon’s annoyed tone was seeping through your happiness and piercing it with a knife of realization causing you to sit up slightly and look down at Jay in confusion.

“He’s right, what are you going to do about practice?” You were pouting at him again but slightly above him now considering you were still halfway in his lap with your arms wrapped around his neck. You watched the way his ears were turning red the longer you stayed in that position but you assumed he was just flustered from his plans colliding. “I can ask Jake if you’re busy it’s really no big deal.”

You heard a pained grunt from behind you and turned to see Sunghoon cradling his knee with a hurt expression, you followed his line of sight to see Jungwon glaring viciously at him.

“Sunghoon’s an idiot Y/N don’t listen to him, Jay is completely free to help you out with the fair.” Jungwon had taken on a sickeningly sweet tone and your nose scrunched up in disgust at the sound of it, looking between the four boys suspiciously.

None of them were meeting your gaze full out but you tried to ignore how weird they were all being about the situation, more excitement creeping back up at the confirmation you’d have help with the fair, especially since it was Jay who was miles more mature than the rest of them. You were squeezing him back into a hug with another happy squeal and he returned it weakly, eyeing Jungwon viciously over your shoulder.

——

You’d spend most of the following Monday morning getting ready for the first day of setting up the fair, tightly wrapping your scarf around your neck and settling your ear muffs just loose enough so you’d still be able to hear while avoiding the cold chill as it got later in the day.

Your morning hot chocolate was abandoned on the kitchen sink when you heard the soft bells chiming from outside your house, typically occupied by numerous other louder ringings but you knew who it was immediately judging by its gentle sound.

Looking out your living room window confirmed your suspicions seeing Jay sitting on his bike at the end of your drive way and staring down at his hands. He was picking at his fingers, a habit he’d adapted after the callouses from his guitar started to form more often.

Your fist was banging on the thick glass roughly, a smile on your face building when he jump slightly on his bike seat and looked up towards your direction with a startled expression. You waved at him and his shoulders released a little bit of tension, turning your hand over and fanning it towards you, silently instructing him to come inside.

He was hesitating for a second before you saw him gently lowering his bike down onto your front yard, bouncing in your stride as you went to open the door for him.

“I figured you’d want some cocoa before you were stuck in the cold all day.” You were quickly explaining your invitation inside to him as soon as you swung the wooden door open, he’d barely gotten up the steps and gave you a surprised look before nodding swiftly in agreement and coming inside.

You walked back to the kitchen with him in tow and tried to ignore the weird nervous feeling building in your stomach. You’d been alone with Jay countless times so you hadn’t thought much about it but the more you reflected back on it the more you realized you’d mainly sat in awkward silence for short durations waiting for the others to come back and ease the tension.

Pouring the steaming hot chocolate into a new mug for him, you told yourself to not take it personally.

Jay had always been on the quieter side and you knew it had nothing to do with you, as far as you were concerned. This was confirmed a bit when you glanced over your shoulder to see him awkwardly standing against the wall near the doorway, watching you as you poured the drinks but quickly diverting his attention around the room when you made eye contact.

You laughed softly, handling the hot handles carefully as you turned slowly, nudging your chin towards the living room so he understood where you were heading as you walked past him.

“Thank you again for helping me Jay.” You were speaking in a low voice as you sat on the couch, leaning over to hand him his drink considering he sat an entire cushion away from you. “I know you didn’t necessarily want to.”

He wasn’t responding out loud, just give you a soft nod of his head and looking down at the cup of hot chocolate awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs around the mugs handle and shifting in his spot on the couch. A frown was instinctively forming on your face at his silence and you wondered for a second if you should make up some excuse to free him of his responsibilities, maybe tell him you’d actually found somebody else to help out.

But then he was glancing at you and the corner of his mouth turned up just enough for you to notice and you felt better, a wide grin breaking out on yours.

“Oh.” Your eyes widened suddenly as you remembered something you’d gotten for him as a thank you, quickly telling him you’d be right back and rushing up the stairs to your bedroom, leaving him on the couch.

You returned swiftly with the fabric in your hands to see him sitting tensely in the same spot, waiting to see what you’d gotten so excited about. His eyebrows raised when you approached holding the long string of material and you smiled more at his clear hesitance, sitting directly next to him on the couch and turning to face him.

“What is that thing?” He was questioning in a low tone but you could hear the humor in the question, clearly amused by the monstrosity you were holding.

“I’ve taken up crocheting recently.” You explained to him with a smile, stretching out the clothing in your hands to show him exactly what it was you were gifting him. “I figured I’d make you a scarf so you didn’t get too cold helping me. It even matches mine.”

Your excitement was clear despite the fact it clearly didn’t match your store bought white scarf. The black fabric was lumpy and awkward, random strings sticking out in places they weren’t meant to be and barely forming a straight enough line to properly be a scarf.

Jay couldn’t have cared less about how the gift looked, he was flushed in the face just due to the fact you’d chosen to make him it in the first place. He figured you would have done it for whoever agreed to help you and he imagined you’d be gifting them all a lot of hand made things if the hobby managed to actually stick, but your smile when you shifted towards him more and indicated you wanted to put it on him was a gift enough in itself.

He watched your face closely as you delicately wrapped it around his neck, crossing the ends so it wouldn’t slip off easily or open up.

You were meeting his gaze for half a second and giving him a proud smile before a bright flash from the side of you was startling you both, jumping away from each other and widening the distance you hadn’t even realized was closing. You turned your head quickly to see what had made the interruption and a low groan pushed past your lips when you saw your mother standing there with her polaroid camera.

“I’m sorry! You two just looked so cute matching together.” She was giving you a sheepish grin as she poked her head out from behind the blocky camera, eyes teasing and glancing between both of you.

You glanced at Jay to see he had completely tensed up again, jaw tight as he avoided looking at you and stared towards your mother before going back to picking at his rough hands.

She wasn’t exactly wrong about the two of you matching, the scarves being the main point of focus but it didn’t help that Jay was wearing his typical head to two black clothing and you’d gone for a lightly colored white and tan pallet today, so perfectly opposite it almost looked intentional.

“It’s nice to see you as always Jay, it’s been a while since you’ve come around.” Your mothers tone was sweet as she spoke to him but you could see the curiosity on her face, causing you to quickly stand from the couch and butt in.

“Thanks mom but we really have to get going, can’t be late on the first day.” You gave her a tight smile and instinctively reached your hand backwards for Jay to take it.

It was left empty for a few seconds and you glanced over your shoulder to see him staring at it with confusion before he was setting his untouched mug down and clasping his rough hand in yours. You tugged him forward and he made a small shocked noise as you dragged him out of the house, listening to your mom call out wishing the two of you good luck with the fair.

You both stayed silent as he picked his bike up from off the wet grass and waited for you to unlock yours, your hands moving fast to switch the numbers and remove it from the rickety old piece of wood your mother called a handrail despite barely being stable enough for a twig to lean on it let alone a human.

Suddenly you felt an emotion you rarely did, embarrassment flooding through you as your neck got hotter and hotter under your scarf.

You found yourself wondering what Jay thought of the state of your house even though all the boys had been there over a dozen times and you’d never once considered picking up the messes your mom made in a rush or raking the pile of leaves and twigs surrounding your old porch.

Almost everyone in town was around the same class in terms of wealth and status, with the small exception of families like Heeseung’s who could afford weekly maintenance on their yards and a fully finished basement with little risk of flooding, but he was very generous with his extra space and would slyly cover lunches and treats without making a big deal about it.

You’d surprisingly never been to Jay’s house and you weren’t sure the other boys had been either.

He always insisted on walking home or being dropped off in the center of town claiming he had a ride on the way without giving too much information. You’d see Sunghoon, who was your usual driver, push it a few times but the uncomfortable look on the older boys face made you take a mental note to not pry for more details yourself.

You sighed when the lock finally popped up and glanced up just enough to see him still watching you patiently, not bothering to make snide remarks about your speed or rush you like your other friends might’ve.

“Sorry about my mom.” You started speaking once you pushed your bike over to where he was standing with his, both of you rolling them out of the driveway and down onto the empty street. The potholes were full of the brown rain water and specs of gravel here and there made it a bit risky to go too fast on your bike but you mounted it anyways.

He didn’t reply directly other than a shake of his head that indicated he saw no issue with it but the silence was killing you and you waited until his bike was steadily riding next to yours before speaking again.

“She’s just so overbearing sometimes and it’s totally embarrassing oh don’t worry she won’t do anything with that photo, I’m not even sure the camera fully works I think it’s just for the effect.” You were definitely rambling but it wasn’t out of character for you to be filling silence with nonsense and excited monologues.

“Your mom is nice.” He was talking suddenly and it indirectly cut off your next stream of verbal thoughts, surprised at the fact he had actually added to the conversation instead of just giving you soft nods and listening. “Atleast from what I can tell.”

You were staring at him with your mouth parted but only for a few seconds so you didn’t run into anything, nodding your head and swapping roles as you fell silent. You ignored the urge to ask about his own mother and turned a corner a little too sharply, thankfully not enough to fall into the dirty street but it still brought a small laugh out of him and you smiled in response.

“It’ll be really easy on the first day.” It was better to switch the line of conversation to something less invasive so you could avoid embarrassing yourself further and he went back to nodding as you spoke, riding slightly in front of you with his hands tightening and unclenching around the handle bars.

You mentally decided you’d learn how to make knitted gloves next.

——

The day thankfully went as simply as you had promised it would considering there wasn’t too much to do yet with the booths just starting to get set up as vendors picked their locations for the year and unpacked their truckloads of goodies.

You couldn’t keep the smile off your face as you dragged Jay around, equally as happy about the fair finally happening and the fact you’d managed to have a friend to share it with after so many years of having to keep the excitement to yourself.

Jay was a very good sport about the muddy grass and the chaotic setting of the field that was always used, much more patient with you and your high energy than the other boys would’ve been. You kept your hand locked around his elbow as you pulled him from vendor to vendor, introducing each familiar face to him and giving him a quick rundown on what they sold and where they came from.

You loved the fair so much because it meant you got to see new faces and hear stories about the towns neighboring yours for once, a large amount of the attendees coming from other places to promote their small businesses. The vending was a small part of the entire celebration but it was your personal favorite.

“This booth is the best.” You were leaning a bit closer to him so none of the others heard you and took offense to your bias and he glanced at you from the side of his eye. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

Jay shifted in place as you both studied the half set up booth full of custom made jewelry with shiny metal clasps and crystals you’d never even heard of let alone actually got to see in person.

“She makes all of these herself?” His voice had taken on the same whisper as yours had and you nodded as you followed his line of sight to see the owner of the booth, an older woman who was hanging up a sign with shaky hands and furrowed eyebrows.

Your hand was falling against your side as Jay moved forward and it lost its place on his arm, a frown forming on your face for just a few seconds before a smile replaced it as you realized what he was doing.

His voice was low and gentle as he spoke to her so you couldn’t quite hear what he was saying but she made an appreciative noise and handed the sign over to him so he could help her get it in place, her less shaky hands patting him on the shoulder thankfully once he was finished.

You took a step or two closer which was enough to get his attention and he looked up at you swiftly, eyes widening a bit like he only just now realized he’d left you standing there instinctively.

Surprisingly he was coming back to your side and bending his arm enough to indicate you could hold it again, something you quickly did even if your cheeks flushed a little at the realization you’d been holding onto him the entire day without really even noticing that wasn’t something you typically did.

“How lovely.” The vendor was practically cooing at the sight of you and your mouth dropped open at the implication of both your stance and your matching scarves. “What a kind young man, you’re a lucky lady.”

Jay made a noise that could only be described as strangled and you would have laughed at him if it wasn’t for the bashful look on the woman’s face, clearly regretting her words and assumption because of his reaction.

“I am, aren’t I?” You were giving her a sweet smile before gently patting his arm and watching the side of his face to further bask in his embarrassment.

You could hear her laughing in relief and delight at the sight of the two of you but you were more focused on how red Jay was turning and the way he was intensely attempting to not look at you. You grinned harder before waving goodbye to her and tugging him along, causing him to let out another distressed sound.

“What was that?” He was shocking you by speaking up and questioning your motives but you only laughed at the serious tone he’d taken and continued walking.

“I mean she’s not entirely wrong. I’d say I’m very lucky.” You tilted to the side to bump against him and he let out a scoffed laugh that made your smile grow, pleased you’d gotten him to loosen up a little bit.

You’d taken him a little past the vendors now so the buzz of the moving people and trucks had quieted down, instead being replaced by the clucks of chicken and the soft noises the cows in the barn were making.

The sight of a farm wasn’t uncommon where you lived but this one was particularly amazing to you considering the sheer size of it, making it the perfect space to host the crowds and heavy machinery that came along with the fairs open weekend. The large field would soon be filled with food trucks and a ferris wheel standing taller than the trees surrounding you, children running with caramel apples and a petting zoo full of the same animals in the red barn behind you.

“It’s really something.” Jay was filling the silence and you snapped out of your envisioning to glance at him, finding him also looking out into the field and watching the place come to life. “I didn’t realize how different it would be from just attending.”

“Atleast you don’t find it as boring as the others do.” You’d stopped walking by now in favor of leaning against a large pile of hay stacks and people watching, not surprised that he remained upright and stoic instead of joining you. “I’m really thankful you decided to help me this year even though you’d miss band practice.”

His head snapped over to you in shock and you laughed at the slightly panicked expression, shrugging your shoulders and picking at some of the loose straws of hay underneath you.

“Jungwon wasn’t exactly subtle but I’m grateful nonetheless.” You were standing back up at that and wiping the back of your pants to get the dust off of the fabric, looking back up at him and slightly squinting your eyes against the sun. “You’re a good friend.”

He was scratching the back of his neck and shifting his foot again awkwardly at the compliment but you were glad to see him nod in light acceptance.

“Wanna get some hot chocolate?”

——

A week continued on just like that with Jay arriving to your house a few hours before dinner time and the two of you riding to the field together, your voice overly filling the silence with his light hums and brief comments reassuring you that he was still actively listening.

Jay was providing more than just company, actually assisting you when it was finally time to start helping you and doing the volunteer work your other friends were so eagerly avoiding.

He was lifting heavy slates of wood without being asked twice and waiting for further instruction as you added a fresh coat of bright red paint to the apple bobbing booth. You knew you’d made the right choice with having him help (although your options were limited) and the other regular volunteers seemed to agree.

“Didn’t realize you were into strong guys.” The voice suddenly in your ear was making you jump and nearly spill your apple cider, glaring at the person joining you for the shock even though you were instinctively leaning closer to her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You were mumbling around the styrofoam cup and she laughed mockingly at you, knowing you long enough to see through your indifference.

Cindy was twice your age but you’d gotten along from the moment you eagerly offered to volunteer, her parents being the founders of the fair in the first place which made her the rightful owner once they had passed away a few years ago.

She got on your case regarding just about everything but the tough love was a breath of fresh air considering the type of overbearing and coddling affection you were used to from your mother. It was almost your worst nightmare for her to catch you watching Jay as he helped the other male volunteers move logs and heaps of old wood away from where the mini rides would be installed.

“Honey I know heart eyes when I see them and yours are practically bursting out of your thick skull.” Her hand was reaching over to try to steal a piece of your warm pumpkin donut sat infront of you and you aggressively swatted at it with a scowl.

“He’s my friend. I’ve known him since I was like basically a baby.” You were trying to keep your tone flat and unsuspecting even though you weren’t even quite sure why you suddenly felt on trial.

You weren’t even purposefully eyeballing Jay or whatever she had called it but he just so happened to be directly in your line of sight and coincidentally he had removed his zip up at some point, most likely needing the cold chill because of all the heavy lifting he was doing with a surprise ease.

“Well he’s definitely not a baby anymore.” She made a small appreciative noise and you turned to her with your nose turned up in disgust, taking a moment to soak in her typically eccentric outfit.

Cindy was definitely one of the most interesting people in your town aesthetic wise, big chunky earrings being used as decorations in her large unkept hair and layers and layers of jarringly opposing patterns and fabrics. It somehow worked on her and you always loved the fact she looked like a little halloween trinket come to life.

“That’s disgusting, you could be his mother you know.” Your eyebrows were furrowed but she knew better than to take your annoyance serious, shrugging her shoulders and directing your attention back to the topic of the conversation with a ring covered hand.

“He watches you about as much as you watch him.” She had the same tone she always had when she felt like she was proving you wrong and in this case, she was. Jay was eyeing the two of you as you spoke but trying his best not to make it obvious, getting distracted enough to trip over a log and nearly crash into one of the bigger burlier men working.

He was far enough away that you couldn’t hear the interaction but you laughed at the glare he received and the way he threw both of his hands up in surrender, backing away and giving you a quick embarrassed glance before picking up the log he tripped over.

“Oh what a mess that boy is.” She was successfully stealing the rest of your donut and you sighed in defeat, leaning against her more and letting her signature vanilla scent hit you full force. “Doesn’t speak much does he.”

“You talked to him?” You didn’t quite understand why that peaked your interest so much but she chuckled at the eagerness in your question, nodding her head and chewing the soft donut for a few seconds before answering.

“He came over to old Betsy’s booth when she was using the restroom and I was filling in for her.” She seemed to miss the irony in her calling somebody around her age old and you didn’t dare point it out to her. “Kept eyeing the necklaces.”

You couldn’t think of a time Jay would’ve gone back to the jewelry stand without you and your eyes narrowed further.

“Well did he buy anything?”

“Don’t remember.” She hummed the words so casually but you knew better than to believe her, sitting up off her shoulder and turning your body so you could fully face her with a stern look. Your normally bubbly exterior was easier to lose than you usually preferred around your strange friend but you assumed it was because she never once minded you on your grumpiest days.

“You so totally remember.” Your finger raised accusingly and she glanced at it with a quirked eyebrow, her large red hexagon framed glasses almost blocking her amused expression. “Cindy what did he buy?”

You assumed she was going to make another excuse to not answer you directly but the universe, in all it’s twisted ways, actually offered a real one in the form of one of the senior volunteers calling for her attention and waving at you before urgently fanning her over.

“Looks like I’m needed elsewhere.” The air of mischief surrounding her had intensified as your own lighthearted annoyance followed suit and you rolled your eyes as she glanced back out into the field. “You’ve got better company incoming anyways.”

She was gone just in time for Jay to reach the two of you and he watched her back for a few seconds as she strolled away, a silent question floating around his furrowed eyebrows as if he was worried he was the reason she’d left so suddenly.

Your friend typically had an anxious energy surrounding him but it bothered you more so right now so you cleared your throat to get his attention and smiled when he finally gave it, patting the spot Cindy had just left empty and not scooting over when he jumped into a start and walked around the table to sit next to you.

“I heard you’ve met Cindy.” You nudged him with your elbow and he titled his head to grin at you in the most genuine way you’d seen from him in all your years of companionship, eyes squinting against the sun as it slowly set with a certain lightness you quite enjoyed. You figured the hard work had made him too tired to keep his guard as high as usual and you briefly considered asking the volunteers to give him more logs to move.

“She’s a character.” He took a second to form the sentence and it came out in slow patches like he was trying to find the nicest word to describe her eccentric ways. Your mouth was opening to inform him it was okay to be offput by her before he was talking again. “She reminds me of you actually.”

That shut you up and you felt a sudden unnecessary guilt for not immediately knowing if he was complimenting you or doing the opposite.

You hadn’t even noticed you were leaning against him again until he stiffened up at your unusual reaction, an apologetic look on his face making you feel even worse. It was beginning to frustrate you that you couldn’t stop embarrassing yourself in front of him, the ability beyond foreign and not something you’d ever even considered before.

His hand was cold when you reached out to place yours over it, not exactly holding but just letting your palm rest on top of his knuckles.

“I’m glad actually. I think she’s probably the most interesting person on earth.” You were watching his reaction to both your statement and the touch before forfeiting first and looking past him in the direction she’d gone.

“I doubt that.” He sounded strangely heavy and it was a tone unlike any you’d heard from him, immediately bringing your gaze back to his face in an attempt to decipher it.

Jay remained as stoic as he usually was and you were suddenly glad for the lowered sun, hoping the lack of lighting in the field managed to hide the light dusting of your cheeks.

——

It was almost refreshing to be back in the basement with the rest of your friends, not having any type of embarrassment in the pit of your stomach since Jay currently wasn’t here and for the first time in two weeks you weren’t having to overthink why you were feeling so weird.

Even though the other boys were trying their best to make you as awkward as possible, all staring at you with questioning eyes after Jungwon asked how it’d been volunteering this year.

“It’s fine.” You knew as soon as you gave a vauge answer that they were going to get suspicious, your eyes slowly closing in regret as they got an excited buzz to them and immediately hounded in on you like a pack of dogs (or over enthusiastic kittens).

“This is the first time since we were preteens you’ve talked about the fair and not went on for hours.” Even Sunghoon was being unusually perceptive and leaning forward on the edge of his arm chair.

“Can you guys not be super annoying about this?” You winced as you said it, already prepared for how rowdy they’d get at the admittance that there was something to be annoying about in the first place.

Not even Heeseung was exempt from the almost childlike giddiness they all had now and you rolled your eyes at the way they were all smacking eachother and overlapping sentences of ‘I told you so’ adjacent statements.

Luckily you were saved by the sound of Heeseung’s mom calling your name from the top of the stairs, shouting it a few times to try and outmatch the volume of all the boys talking at once. You managed to hear her exasperated tone beneath it and you left them to their theatrics without another word, finding her standing in the kitchen with the phone in her hand and an impatient look on her face.

You glanced at her apologetic before taking the phone from her and waiting until she was back at the table doing her crosswords before you actually put it up to your ear.

“Hello?” You knew it wasn’t likely to be your own mother calling about your whereabouts considering she ever rarely actually did, trusting you and knowing you were an adult who didn’t need checking in when you were usually only ever at a handful of places.

“Y/N?” Jays voice coming through the speaker was enough to make your stomach form a tight knot, not even fully processing the breathy and shaky way he was speaking before understanding something was wrong.

“Where are you?” You weren’t sure why it was the first thing you thought to ask him and he took a few painful seconds to even answer, your hand tugging at the chord connected to the wall anxiously as you waiting for his voice to come back and let you know he was still on the other end.

He was hushed when he muttered the address too and you felt little to no guilt about rushing out of the house without saying goodbye to the boys, formality and patience totally fleeing your mind as you picked up your bike off the side of the house and took off down Heeseung’s long smooth drive away.

Your thighs were burning as you made your way across town to the rundown area Jay had given an address for, heart racing in a similar pace to the buzzing in your ears that had started as soon as you were hanging up the phone.

The sun was setting now and you knew it was only a matter of time before your mother started to wonder why you were gone far past dinner but you couldn’t even begin to think about that or your friends realizing you weren’t coming back down or Cindy checking her jeweled watch when you didn’t show up for your usual hot donut before volunteering.

Nothing else was currently even a drop more important than Jay and the way he rushed out the address, one you didn’t even need an explanation for to understand what it was. The hesitance in the delivery told you exactly where you were heading and that was only part of the reason you felt sick as you rounded the corner sharply into the barren seeming neighborhood.

The houses with boarded windows and bright red ripped notices on the doors would’ve led you to assume the place was abandoned if it wasn’t for the mass of bright lights coming from the house on the end of the street.

You forfeited your bike in the middle of the road in exchange for running and you skidded to a stop when you realized you’d managed to completely sprint past Jay, not noticing him considering the way he was practically hunched in on himself and missing his usual stoic expression as he stood under a large overgrown tree.

Instead his face was an eerie combination of absent and horrified, gaze meeting your wide eyes but leaving you with the terrible feeling he was looking straight through you.

“What happened?” Your voice seemed to echo and his face was red and blue from the lights behind your tensed shoulders, your hands being painted with the same shades when you were reaching up to cup his cold cheeks.

He had the scarf you’d made for him around his neck and your heart ached at the idea he might’ve been on his way to meet up with you before whatever had occurred did. Your thumb brushed over its bumpy fabric when it smoothed over his skin and he practically leaned into it despite your friend’s usual disinterest towards physical touch.

“Can we go somewhere else?” It took you a few breaths to even realize he’d been the one to speak and you nodded instinctively, staying frozen even when he stood up and by default placed himself directly infront of you.

Your boot bumped against his shoe when you went to take a step back and he quickly looked away from the house and continuously flashing sirens.

You were wondering if it was a good idea to leave or if he still was needed by the officers scattered throughout the yard and near the patrol cars, sparing them a glance over your shoulder as you started to follow him. You didn’t meet any of their eyes enough to understand what you should do but there was no way you were going to leave Jay alone so you sighed and followed after him.

He was leading you around the back of the house where you could see a tilted garage and a bunch of shrubbery, almost enough to be completely hiding the car underneath it all.

Jay didn’t look at you once as he started to pull twigs and piles of bushes off the hood and windshield, failing to realize the way you were hugging yourself now to fend off the cold and anxiously peering back around the side of the house as you waited for somebody to come and try to stop you from leaving. Nobody came and eventually he was stopping to take a harsh breath before opening the door and looking at you expectantly.

Despite your nerves, you still followed suit and climbed into the old car. The air was stuffy and you could almost taste how long it’d been since it was put to any use especially obvious with all of the dust lining the dashboard and creating a fine film over the cup holders and stick shift that Jay was wrapping his hand around without a second thought.

“I didn’t know you had a car.” Your voice was filling the car only after you’d been driving in silence for a good fifteen minutes, leaving the town limit a few blocks ago and entering a long stretch of road you’d never been down before.

It was true considering there had been over a few dozen times everybody had complained about the lack of cars in the group, instances where you’d had to cancel plans because it just wasn’t manageable with your bikes. Even Heeseung didn’t have a license even though his mom was always telling him he’d have access to the family van sitting in the garage if he just took the road test.

You didn’t miss the fact that there was a lot you didn’t know about Jay, clearly more than you even realized considering how confused you were tonight by all the missing pieces.

“It was my dad’s.” He was finally glancing over at you but his tone of voice let you know this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about further, nodding your head in understanding and watching him as the trees grew larger around you and the road twisted and turned.

“Are you feeling okay?” You didn’t really know what to ask him considering how little you knew about the situation but he was still nodding slowly and it looked genuine from what you could tell.

You decided it was best to just stay silence so you didn’t accidentally say the wrong thing and Jay took a deep breath before doing the same thing, neither one of you speaking for the next thirty minutes as he drove and stared ahead at the road.

You opted for looking out the window at the large stretches of land and water, roads now slick and shiny with the rain that had been falling during your drive and making the night even more gloomy than it already was. You hoped your mom had seen the weather and assumed you were staying with a friend tonight instead of riding your bike home, your stomach turning a bit at the idea of her calling around to try to make sure you were safe.

Heeseung or one of the other boys knew to cover for you if she called his phone, repeating the practiced line that you had fallen asleep on the couch and forgotten to check in with her beforehand.

But then the worry would land with them and that thought made you frown too.

You weren’t yet regretting following Jay but you hoped you’d get to where you were going soon, suddenly wondering if he even had a destination in mind or if he was just going to keep driving forever and ever.

It didn’t take long to get your answer considering he was pulling into an empty parking lot sitting above a small hill that led down to what you assumed was a dark beach, a cold chill from the water filling the car once he turned it off and the low rattle of the engine disappeared.

He was just sitting there in the drivers seat with a faraway look on his face, picking mindlessly on the callouses covering his hands like he always did.

You were suddenly remembering what was the cause of the lump in your coat pocket, sitting up a bit and reaching your hand inside until it wrapped around the soft fabric you’d been molding for the past two weeks.

Jay was already watching you curiously and his eyes flickered up to yours when he realized what he was you were now holding and presenting out to him across the center console, a hopeful look on your face as you nudged it in his direction.

“You made these?” His question had an obvious answer but you had a feeling he just wanted to hear you say it.

“They match your scarf.” You shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal even though you’d gone through an entire roll of fluffy yarn to make the small pair of gloves, messing up the instructions from your old crocheting book numerous times before you finally got them to a functional point.

Your heart was filling with pride when he was pulling them on and flexing his finger inside, seemingly fitting thankfully considering all you had to go off of for sizing was the amount of time you’ve stared at his hands playing guitar.

“They’re perfect.” He looked so sincere and thankful that it threw you for a few seconds, your eyes widening as you nodded your head and smiled at him shyly. “Thank you seriously.”

“It’s no problem. Did you want to get out?” The intensity suddenly filling the air was making your cheeks flush and you wanted nothing more than to be out of the old car, even if it met facing the cold chill waiting for you outside.

He seemed like he was considering it for a few seconds before he was opening his door and stepping out, making his way over to your side before you could process how fast he left and you faltered when he was opening your door for you.

Thankfully he didn’t seem to take your delayed reaction to heart and you were scrambling out before another awkward second passed by, feeling even more grateful when he was unexpectedly bending his arm and letting you wrap your hands around it like you would at the fair.

It brought a level of comfort to you that you hadn’t begun to understand fully but you welcomed it all the same, walking closely to him as you left the parking lot and the hard concrete under your feet turned into wet feeling sand that slowed your pace down automatically.

The beach was fogged over from the cold weather and you could barely see the water due to the darkness now completely surrounding you, relying solely on the sound of the waves crashing against the shore to let you know you were getting too close.

You and Jay walked in silence like that for a few minutes, alongside the water but far enough that it was only barely touching the sides of your boots whenever the waves rolled over and spread out into the sand.

He was eventually pausing in his stride and you glanced at the side of his face expectantly, seeing that same blank look he had when sitting in the car and feeling your heart tighten with the urge to help him any way you could. You weren’t even sure where to begin but it felt right to slowly sit down onto the sand, holding his arm loose enough that he could feel you moving before you tugged him down too.

You smiled a bit when he sat quickly beside you and you warmed even though the floor was cold and damp underneath you.

You decided to keep holding onto his arm even though you weren’t walking anymore and that left you practically hugging his side while you sat facing him with his own gaze towards the water, your legs pressed up against his and his glove covered hands crossed over his stomach cautiously.

There’d been dozen of instances where you had to sit in close proximity to Jay but never once had you experienced one where you were having to silently tell your heart to calm itself incase he could feel it beating out of control.

“Are you alright?” You couldn’t physically take the silence in the air anymore and he looked at you as you spoke.

His gaze was heavy but as kind as it always was when situated on, a tiredness to him that you weren’t used to seeing. You squeezed his arm and they softened even further while his head tilt to the side at your affectionate gesture.

“I’m sorry I took you all the way out here. I wasn’t really sure where else to go so I just drove.” He was quiet as he spoke and you almost didn’t hear him over the crashing waves.

You suddenly felt a twinge of guilt for being so skeptical about following him into the car and allowing him to leave the limits of your town.

“I don’t mind, it’s a beautiful place.” You heard the irony of the statement at the same time amusement passed over his face, both of you knowing it was far too dark for you to visually appreciate the beach. “It’s cool you can drive.”

He actually did laugh at that, a light one closer resembling a scoff but it seemed genuine nonetheless. You didn’t expect an explanation for him keeping his ability a secret and he didn’t offer one.

You fell into another lapse of silence but you found more comfort than awkwardness in this one, enjoying the closeness of the moment and trying to put yourself into his mind for a second.

Jay was all you could see with how low the light was, just the side view of his face that you’d been accustomed to for such a large part of your life that it was almost odd to be feeling so overwhelmed by the sight of him. It definitely wasn’t the time to be trying to understand why you had been feeling so off kilter around him these days but you knew the clock was clicking for you to figure it out.

His jaw was tense like it got whenever the boys got too rowdy in public or the times in high school when people would whisper in the halls as your small group passed.

It wasn’t a secret that Jay had a certain protective nature surrounding him but your silent friend had never looked as bothered as he did right now.

You were wrestling with yourself in your own mind and trying to shake the idea that he was possibly uncomfortable with your sudden clinginess. You had a reminder on a constant loop that he was the one who initiated the small contact almost everytime and his cheeks flushed red almost as much as yours did whenever you squeezed his arm in yours.

“My mom got arrested.” His voice was cutting off your rampant irrelevant thoughts and your mouth parted slightly in surprise from the sudden admission, immediately snapping shut when you noticed him watching you from the side of eye.

“Jay.” You went to speak words of comfort but his lips pursed and his eyes shut for a second like he was pained so you swallowed your sentence and waited for him.

“It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time or the last.” He was beginning to rush through the words like he didn’t think he could manage to get them all out and you watched him carefully, forgetting the cold weather and the wetness coating the fabric of your pants. “I called you because I knew seeing you would make me feel better but I don’t really need to talk about it or anything.”

“Then we don’t have to talk about it.” Your voice was firmer than usual and his shoulders relaxed.

You weren’t even thinking when your hand was reaching up to touch his face, turning his head towards your direction so he didn’t really have a choice but to look at you.

Your hands were undoubtedly freezing against his skin but you still took the opportunity to absentmindedly rub your thumb against his cheek and jaw, observing the way he almost melted into the touch with something close to pain in his expression.

This was nothing like the arm holding or the hands brushing when you passed him a paintbrush, crossing over the line of things you could fit in the category of your newly developed friendship without the connection of the group. This was something else entirely and you chose not to place it anywhere for now, letting it exist here on the beach without the weight in your chest following along.

“Did it make you feel better?” Your voice was almost a whisper but you had no doubt he heard you considering how close your faces had gotten now that you made him look at you fully. “Seeing me?”

You knew the answer already when you asked it but you still weren’t prepared for the way he softly nodded while leaning into your touch further, eyes big and puppy like in direct contrast to his usual stern and more feline gaze. Vulnerability had completely taken over his typical stoic attitude and you felt a surge of pride for getting to see him like this.

Jay had been consuming your thoughts since you started hanging out one on one and it felt far too important of a moment to let pass you by.

You barely had to shift yourself forward to be able to kiss him but the slightest sign of you moving spurred him to close the gap instead, pushing his lips against yours and taking you by surprise.

The beach was almost quieter as the two of you kissed softly, the waves sounding like they were further away since all you could focus on was the warmth radiating off of him. You were flushed from how delicate he was with you and how it lacked any real heat considering it was much more of a romantic kiss than you both trying to turn the other on.

He kept his eyes closed when you pulled away from eachother and you rested your forehead against his, watching his expressions closely and not wanting to lean back incase the lack of touch made him reconsider what had happened.

You’d be stupid to not understand Jay had always had a soft spot for you but just because the boys teased him about it didn’t mean he actually felt like you were somebody special. He was a gentleman in all aspects of his interactions so you weren’t certain enough to bet on the fact he had any type of feelings for you that would make him see this kiss the way you did.

“Please don’t regret this tomorrow.” He said it in one quick whisper and your heart twisted at the same time your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I won’t, of course I won’t.” You hoped your voice was firm enough to make him believe you but you could tell by the look on his face that he was still skeptical.

You didn’t know how else to prove it to him besides kissing him again so that’s exactly what you did, hands cupping his face and pulling him into you much more passionately than you had the first time. This go around there was a lot more movement and a soft noise escaped you when you felt his gloved hand on your knee.

It was hard to connect the fact the Jay you were kissing was the same Jay you’ve known almost your entire life. He was the same boy who used to scowl on the swings at the playground and silently pay for your snacks at lunch or hold the door for you when entering Heeseung’s house.

You were almost reverting back through all your platonic memories with him as you kissed and seeing him in a different light than you had before.

This time when you stopped kissing you fully leaned into him until you were practically hugging without having your arms around each other, the sudden longing to just feel him close overwhelming you as you tried to pretend it was simply because of the cold and not because he opened up apart of himself to you tonight and that seemed to be the final piece you needed to understand how you felt.

“We should go, you’re going to catch a cold.” He was speaking again in a far away voice and you would’ve declined and asked for just a few more minutes but he was already standing up.

You suddenly felt the most distant you had in a long time from him and your throat was tightened even when he offered his arm in your direction, the action coming across more robotic now than him actually reaching out for you.

It was hard to not overthink considering he was driving you both home in silence, the hills and forest of the town coming into sight as you left behind the empty stretches of road and sky above the ocean.

For once you found yourself looking out the window with longing as you passed the welcome sign back into where you’d grown up, finally slightly understanding why most people had a hard time coming home after being somewhere else for a change.

You didn’t stop thinking about the beach or the road leading even further away until he was pulling into your driveway, the car making a funny scraping sound as it pushed itself up the slight incline.

Jay sighed softly, the first noise he’d made in a long time that wasn’t covered by the radio commercials and the heat running on high with that loud rattling noise, shutting the car off completely as you both sat there in silence.

“Are you able to go home? If you need somewhere to stay I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind as long as you stayed on the couch.” You were speaking swiftly with your eyes slightly widened and he smiled at you gently even if it didn’t quite seem genuine.

“I’m alright, I’ll figure it out.” His tone held a stubborn finality that you didn’t bother trying to question again even though it hurt your heart to think about him searching for a place to stay.

You almost begged him to just come in and warm up for a bit, maybe use your phone to call some of the boys and ask them if he could go there before he just started to drive around in circles but you decided against it.

Instead you leaned far enough that the middle console was pressing against your stomach and you kissed him softly on his cheek, rubbing the clumpy fabric of his scarf before sitting back in your seat and smiling shakily as you tugged the door open and stepped back out into the cold.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Your head cocked so he understood it was a question you wanted answered and he took a few moments before he was nodding his head and starting the car again, lifting his hand off the steering wheel for a brief second in a wave as you closed the door.

——

Jay didn’t show up the next day but you still stood at the end of your driveway with your bike in your hands for twenty minutes, shifting from the cold and slight embarrassment even though nobody was around to see you left hanging.

You filled your mind with the calming thought that he was just busy and he’d show up any minute panting from rushing over here, or maybe he’d even bring his new car and you wouldn’t have to ride your bikes in the cold anymore.

You’d have a good day setting up the fair and you wouldn’t have any awkward silences about the kiss, infact maybe you’d even kiss again when he dropped you back off at home later.

The thoughts and daydreams only entertained you until half an hour had passed and now you’d officially be late so you had no choice but to flip up your kick stand with your foot and mount your bike with a deep frown.

Even then you still felt guilty about leaving incase Jay showed up late at your house and found out you had left without him.

The rational part of you knew that wasn’t going to happen and if anything he could come to the fair and just meet you there but you could tell from the first hour that he wasn’t going to and he wasn’t anywhere waiting for you to come back. He simply hadn’t shown up and you were beyond stupid for thinking otherwise all morning.

It actually hadn’t even crossed your mind that he wasn’t going to show up.

You ran through the possible scenarios, coped with the inevitable tension in the air and the chance of an extremely awkward conversation where you had to confess your newfound feelings for him.

You’d even practiced over how you were going to say it all morning as you got dressed down to the last word but not once did you think he would simply leave you there alone like a completely fool.

Jay was a lot of things, he was reserved and shut off and maybe a little bit blunt at times but he was certainly never cruel and especially not to you. Your friends seemed to agree considering how appalled they were when you stomped down the steps with wet leaves wrapped around your boots and frowned as you explained what had happened.

“Wait you kissed? You like Jay?” Heeseung seemed utterly confused and you couldn’t tell if he was playing up the surprise or if he genuinely wasn’t paying attention to the obvious signs.

“Dude have you even been here? That’s not the problem, what do you mean he didn’t show up?” Sunghoon was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands cupping his face in distress.

“I shouldn’t have kissed him without asking how he felt about me first.” You ignored his question and shook your head as you slouched back into the couch, more upset with your self now than anything else.

All the boys looked around at each other in shock and the air got heavy again like it always seemed to whenever the topic of you and Jay came up. Your eyebrows furrowed into a glare and you settled it onto Jungwon who looked the most guilty, hoping he’d spill whatever it was that they weren’t saying to you.

“Jay is totally into you.” He was letting it out in one breath of air and the other boys collectively rolled their eyes and swatted at your friend. “He has been forever and we all totally make his life hell because of it.”

“Why on earth would you guys do that?” You were practically yelling now even though it was hard to stay mad at them when they all looked so guilty. “Just a few weeks ago you were trying to get me to ask out Jake Sim.”

“We were trying to get him to finally grow a pair and make a move.” Heeseung made you groan at the crude wording but despite your annoyance you actually understood the ways they were trying to help especially since it had actually worked up until you screwed it up by kissing him.

You relayed this thought to them and they looked just as stricken by the fact Jay had not followed up after your kiss as they did the first time you said it.

They did their best to cheer you up with covers of your favorites songs and less argument filled board game rounds but you couldn’t stop the hole in your heart from deepening everytime you thought about it. Your anger towards yourself slowly transferred to him instead as the night went on but even that felt wrong.

Opening night of the fair was finally happening tomorrow and you could barely feel the usual excitement, even when all the boys told you they would be coming to keep you company.

You gave them a soft smile before bidding them goodnight and you truly did appreciate what they were trying to do but it wasn’t the outcome you wanted.

That still didn’t stop you from waking up early the next morning and getting yourself ready, pinning your stray hairs back with cheap pumpkin decorated pins you’d had for a decade and pulling on the new pair of gloves you made (finished off with much neater edges than Jays had been).

The others were going to arrive any moment to accompany you so you sat on the couch finishing your hot chocolate and tapping your feet against the carpet with anticipation, doing all you could to ignore the pit in your stomach so you could still have fun and appreciate all the hard work you and the other volunteers had contributed.

Rough honking from outside made your head pick up expectantly and you set your mug on the coffee table before rushing to the window and smiling brightly when you saw all of your friends waving from inside an old car you didn’t recognize.

It wasn’t until you opened the door that you caught sight of the driver and you faltered a bit, long enough that he had stepped out onto your driveway and waved at you with a sheepish expression.

“Hey Y/N, hope it’s okay that I tag along.” Jake Sim was standing infront of your house and he apparently was one of the few people your age in town that owned a car and even worse, your friends were giving you encouraging looks behind his back.

Heeseung lost his thumbs up when you glared at him through the windshield but you made sure to smile at Jake reassuringly.

“Of course it’s okay Jake, it’s good to see you.” You tugged open the passenger seat door and tugged at Heeseung’s hoodie until he was groaning and unbuckling, squeezing into the backseat with the others and allowing you to be in the front.

You let the boys talk loudly and play their music while you sat in silence during the short drive to the field where the fair was being held, finding it harder to ignore the fact somebody was missing when all you could think about what your drive back from the beach.

Jake quietly humming wasn’t enough for you to forget how Jay kept a tight grip on the steering wheel or shifted in his seat at a red light.

The comparison of the two definitely wasn’t fair especially since you were almost positive your friends had begged Jake to give you all a ride under some faux promise that you would find it kind enough to give him a shot. He was always nice to you in school and definitely wasn’t trying anything sleazy now, instead arguing with Jungwon about the speed limits and his backseat driving.

Your heart warmed the second you were approaching the field and you could see the Ferris wheel peaking over the trees, car slowing down to allow the groups of people and large families to cross the street in front of you.

The turn out was probably the biggest you’d seen yet and even your friends were making noises of excitement as they peered out the windows and took in the rows of games and smaller kiddy rides.

“Woah this is awesome.” Jake sounded genuinely amazed from beside you and you glanced back over your shoulder to smile at him. “You guys did a great job.”

You knew he must’ve been referring to the larger group of people who volunteered but you still couldn’t help but think of all the work Jay helped do and how much he contributed this year.

“Thank you Jake.”

——

It was almost like a homecoming as you walked across the field and let the mud build up under your boots, a caramel apple in hand and the other wrapped around Heeseung as he laughed and tried his best to win your group another stuffed animal despite the fact the three boys behind you were holding two each.

“Holy shit.” You couldn’t help but be impressed when he knocked all the pins down again even though you quickly covered your mouth apologetically when the mother of a child near you sent you a sharp glare.

“Here you go madam.” He’d put on a funny proper voice as he handed you the small pink stuffed lamb and you mockingly curtsied at him as he squinted his eyes against the sun and surveyed the area. “Alright going to go attempt to brave the portapotties, wish me luck.”

“Hold your breath.” Jungwon was quick to chirp behind you and you groaned at the imagery, pulling your arm out of Heeseung’s so he could half jog over to the bathrooms and feeling a slight chill run over you at the loss of body heat.

Somebody was clearing their throat from beside you and your eyes widened a bit as you turned to see Jake standing there now, a sheepish expression on his face with his elbow angled at you invitingly. He must’ve picked up on your walking habit by now and you smiled bashfully at him before accepting his arm.

“Are you having a good time?” You started walking together as you spoke quietly, your two friends behind you talking loudly in weird voices as if they were making their animal prizes communicate.

“It’s beautiful.” He actually sounded like he meant it, tone a little breathy as he turned his gaze to the Ferris wheel and nodded appreciably. “I understand why you love it so much.”

You were actually enjoying his company despite the ache in your chest and you were glad he got to tag along with all of you, hoping you’d get the chance to see him with the boys more often including the one you were missing the most right now.

It’d been a few hours into the fair and you knew Jay could come another day by himself if he really wanted to but the thought of him missing opening day and feeling how special it was hit you harder than you wished it would and you were almost antsy for your friends to leave so you could go and mope to Cindy and ask her for some advice.

“Look who I ran into.” Heeseung sounded excited from behind you as he returned from the bathrooms and your eyebrows raised curiously, turning in unison with Jake.

Your mouth dropped open a bit when you saw Jay standing there awkwardly, hands in his pockets and a torn expression on his face that turned into one of confusion when he realized you were linking arms with Jake Sim. He didn’t say anything and neither did the others boys, not at all matching Heeseung’s enthusiasm and instead sending you glances like they weren’t sure what reaction was appropriate.

To make matters worse, Jake clearly wasn’t reading the energy and instead was nudging your side affectionately and giving Jay a wide smile.

“And you thought he wasn’t going to show up.” He didn’t know the history behind the two of you or anything that had happened so you couldn’t really fault him for his embarrassing comment, realizing now he must’ve caught wind of some of the things the boys had said about you not expecting Jay.

The comment was enough to break the tension in the air for something much worse and you watched the boy in question purse his lips and nod his head in bitter understanding, pulling a hand out of his pocket to rub the back of his neck.

“Well this was nice but I’ve gotta go.” He didn’t wait for anybody to say any words of parting and instead he was turning on his heels and leaving.

You scoffed and removed your arm from Jakes gently, stomping away from them to follow behind Jay and trying to ignore the clueless boys confused questioning to your friends about what he had said wrong.

“You’re just going to leave?” You waited until you were closer to the barns to speak even though you were pretty sure he knew you’d been following him. “You don’t have anything you feel like you want to say to me?”

He looked surprisingly calm when he turned around to face you but your anger didn’t settle much even when you saw the hurt and lost expression he had, staring down at you and all of your fury like he thought he deserved it.

“What is there for me to say?” His voice was low and you frowned again at how defeated he seemed, how easy it was for him to end the conversation even though you felt like there was a thousand things being left unsaid. “I don’t want to interrupt your time with Jake.”

You let out a noise that was close to a laugh but without any sign of amusement, anger taking over any type of sadness or confusion you felt about the situation. He wasn’t saying it like he was at all angry at you for being around Jake but that almost made you more upset, seeing how simple it seemed for him to just walk away with no explanation.

“By my time with Jake do you mean the time I’m spending waiting for you to show up knowing you wouldn’t?” Your voice cracked a little as you took a step closer to him. “And when you finally do you’re just going to leave? I mean did the night on the beach just mean nothing to you?”

“The night on the beach?” He was now starting to show a little emotion outside of the almost cowardly demeanor he’d had, his eyebrows furrowing as he stared down at you now that you were closer. “The night you pity kissed me?”

It was almost hard to believe he’d say something like that and even harder to comprehend that he genuinely meant it, he wasn’t attempting to hurt you or being unnecessarily cruel like most people would but instead he actually was going off the notion you’d kissed him out of sympathy.

“How could you think that way?” You tried to soften your tone but you were just so upset about everything and even more so now that the fairs opening day was passing you by and going so poorly.

Jay was just looking at you and you were almost worried he was going to start crying, the pained look not going away even when you were closing the gaps between the two of you and bringing your hand up to his cheek. He leaned into it when your thumb rubbed against his skin again but he didn’t answer your question.

You could feel his hand on your lower back like he was afraid you’d back away prematurely but you had no plans to go anywhere despite being upset with him, you could see how hurt and confused he was and that trumped your own feelings that could be dealt with afterwards.

He had been a constant in your life for as long as you could understand the notion of having a friend but you felt like you were just now seeing him for the first time ever and you were almost embarrassed that you didn’t know how to help him especially since he always seemed to know what to say to you when you were upset.

“You have no idea what you are to me.” He’d lost the helplessness in his voice now that you were touching him and the pained tone was more stemming from your closeness than anything else.

There was nothing you could say to that that would properly convey how you felt about the hushed reassured confession so instead you kissed him.

He was immediate in the way he put his other hand on your back too and pulled you closer to him, turning your head and relishing in how different it felt to kiss him standing up.

Jay made a low noise when your hands moved from his face to his hair and you wanted nothing more than to pull another from him, your tongue swiping across his bottom lip seemingly doing the trick as you felt his hands squeeze your waist instinctively.

You pulled away from the kiss to try and breathe but he was immediately following after your lips and connecting them again which made you decide you didn’t at all mind continuing even if it meant replacing air with the feeling of him against you.

You didn’t even realize you were moving until your feet with tripping over his and your back was hitting what you assumed was the barn, a small laugh leaving your lips even though it was muffled by his moving against you feverishly. Jay was kissing you like he’d never get to do it again but by now you’d caught on to the fact he’d thought about this alot longer than you had.

His hand was leaving your back to stop at your knee, pulling it to the side easily so he could slot his own in between yours and press impossibly closer.

“God you’re everything.” He was breathing heavily as he spoke and you whined a bit at how low his voice had gotten, sounding similar to how it did when he’d get focused on one of their songs or scold the boys for messing around too much.

“Can you stay with me here?” Your own came out surprisingly squeakish and you flushed in embarrassment.

He was nodding softly and your hand left his hair to sit on the back of his neck for a second before you were kissing him one more time quickly, smiling a little when he took a step back after and grabbed your free hand so you’d stumble forward with him.

“I’m sorry I was late.” He said it so casually like you were just two regular people going out and he was a little tardy for a date but you figured you could talk about how the situation hurt you later and try to enjoy the rest of the day.

You were leading him back towards your friends but dropping his hand as you approached, not fully sure you wanted to deal with their teasing and quick comments. Jay was easily understanding what you were implying and he fell back into his silent nature, giving them quick head nods when they expressed excitement over him joining you.

It was beginning to look just like your regular hangouts until you all agreed to head towards the ferris wheel and suddenly Jake was turning towards you with a shy smile and his arm bent in your direction.

You couldn’t fault him for assuming you’d want to continue linking arms now that you were back but your heart clenched for a second knowing who was standing right behind you.

Jay was such a quiet and stoic person that you didn’t necessarily think he’d sit there throwing glares at any guy who tried to speak to you but you were either extremely wrong or the energy of the day had gotten to him because you could feel his arm snaking around your waist just as you turned to see the annoyed expression he had and the harsh way he was watching Jake.

All discreetness was thrown out the window at that and you watched the boy across from you purse his lips in bitter understanding before slowly pulling his arm back against his side.

“Don’t be rude.” You were whispering the scolding words in Jay’s ear but leaning against his side so he knew you were okay with the show of affection even if it had started as possessiveness.

He didn’t say anything in his typical fashion and you tried to ignore how giddy the thought of him being jealous made you. You stayed close to him as you waited in line, listening to your friends joke around as you felt his hand squeezing your side impatiently every few minutes.

It was a no brainer that you’d be sitting next to him when an empty carts started to make their way around the wheel and you smiled softly at Heeseung and Jungwon fighting over who got to sit with Jake, pushing them slightly when the working attendant started to look extra impatient.

Jay glanced at you from the side of his eye before putting a hand forward to signal you to get on first, following behind as you scooted across the metal bench and watched him close the door tightly.

“Are you scared of heights?” Your voice was teasing as you leaned against his side to looked closely at the nervous look on his face. He glared at you lightheartedly and when his eyes didn’t leave your face for a few seconds you realized he was going to kiss you right as he did.

His big hand was cupping your cheek to pull you in closer and the feeling of him moving against you was enough to override the embarrassment of kissing before the ride had even moved you out of view from the crowd.

You practically kissed the entire time your cart slightly jerked forward to allow new people onto the ones under you, slowly lifting you higher and higher as your heart raced.

Kissing Jay was a completely foreign feeling but you felt like you couldn’t stop now that you knew what it was like, finding the low noises your friend made absolutely addicting to the point they were overriding your system and everything you’ve ever thought about him. You never once considered what he would feel like this close to you or how he’d look when you pulled apart to breathe, dark eyes low and hazy and his lip reddening.

“Is this what you expected when you offered to help me paint stables?” You were grinning as you spoke and he brushed some of your hair behind your ear.

“Not necessarily but a guy can dream.” He surprised you by joking back and the ride jolted alive suddenly, both of you lurching forward for a second before dissolving in a fit of laughter.

From the top of the ferris wheel you could not only see the fair and all of the work you’d put into it but you could see a large part of your small town, the gravel roads you struggled with your bike on everyday to Heeseung’s and the railroad tracks that led to the side of town you’d found Jay on the night he called you.

Off in the distance you could even make out the long stretch of road where the trees broke away and the sea inevitably began.

Jay was softly calling for your attention once your cart stopped at the very top of the ride, your hair blowing in the light wind as you turned to face him. The sun had nearly set now and he looked particularly handsome when he was lit up by the lights adorning the metal beams under you, that nervous look returning as he shifted his body to face you.

He almost looked as if he was planning to tell you something, maybe even make a speech of some sort but instead he was closing his mouth and reaching into his coat pocket to pass you a small box.

You took it from his glove covered hands and glanced up at him with wide eyes, already having a relatively good idea about what was inside the box. He raised an eyebrow at you as a way to urge you opening it and you quickly untied the soft ribbon keeping it closed, both of you keeping quiet like you were scared to ruin the moment.

Inside, surrounded by shredded wrapping paper to keep it safe, was a beautiful handmade necklace with a golden seashell at the end of the thin chain. You knew right away who had made the piece of jewelry and your eyes filled up with tears as you looked at him.

“Sorry I’m not as crafty as you but I figured I knew somebody who was.” He was trying to joke around to soften the heavy atmosphere but you could see the hesitation on his face as he waited for you to say something. “It’s the right one right? You kept looking at it the first day you brought me here.”

“It’s perfect.” Your voice was breathy and it came out as one word but you knew he understood, his shoulders losing some tension as he shifted closer to you and took the necklace from your shaky hands.

You sniffed a little bit and turned around so you could lift your hair and assist him in putting the necklace on you, getting a full view of the town around you as you did so and barely even noticing the fact the ferris wheel was beginning to move again.

All you could focus on was his cold hands on your neck and the weight of the seashell as it softly fell down in the middle of your collarbones, your heart thumping so hard you worried it woukd shift it from its place.

His apprehension was still obvious when you turned back around to show him how it looked on you but his eyes lit up at the sight of it, meeting your gaze just in time for you to lean in and kiss him again.

[cultleaderyoongi]

With You, All The Way | myg

☆ pairing: Yoongi x f. reader

☆ genre: ex2l, pwp • angst, smut, fluff

☆ word count: 10k (I have no excuse except for I'm frustrated)

☆ warnings: toxic stuff happens, a lot of miscommunication; a lot of making up and making out; some cursing; mentions of alcohol; explicit smut – kinda soft dom!Yoongi, breast/nipple play (he's kinda a boob guy), fingering, eating out, handjob, blowjob, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control tho which is mentioned), multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasms, creampie, some praise, some aftercare

☆ synopsis: Break-ups are rough, more so if you and your ex share the same friend circle. How could a simple and supposedly tame night full of fun games change the trajectory of your relationship that is no more?

☆ playlist: Tinashe – Perfect Crime | Alina Baraz – Between Us | Kali Uchis – Moonlight

☆ a/n: Guess who's back after *checking imaginary watch on my wrist* almost a year 💀 Did I whip this out within approximately two weeks? Maybe. This is the fastest I've ever written, so therefore it's sloppily edited – especially towards the end (I'm not a fast writer, ok? I'll come back to edit it soon). Listen, I was super heartbroken about the concert (still am), so my mind conjured up this beast of a delusional, self-indulgent story. Pls think of me when you go see my man live, especially if it's the Newark show tonight 😭

I started off this story with Marie Claire Yoongi in mind, but with the release of D-Day it turned more and more into Haegeum Yoongi, sooo...feel free to imagine whichever version you want. Happy D-Day era to y'all! Lmk what's your favorite track, your favorite look, your favorite whatever. Let's talk and suffer together lol

Enough of my rambling though. I hope you enjoy reading! As always, if you do – thank you and pls lmk what you think ♡

☆ taglist: @main-bangtansmauyeondan @jwlmnbt (I'm really horrible at keeping track of my taglist which is also due to my inconsistent posting, but if you see this and you remember wanting to be on my practically non-existent permanent taglist pls lmk)

© cultleaderyoongi on tumblr | do not repost or translate on any platform

You shouldn't be here.

You really shouldn't.

Whose idea was it to bring everyone together for a night of fun activities and drinks? Whose stupid idea was it to invite you when your least favorite person in the world is going to be present as well? And furthermore, whose stupid idea was it to seat the two of you within clear vision of each other?

"Don't hate the player, hate the game." Your friend Jimin, the host and therefore perpetrator of all this, speaks with a smirk as if to answer your internal monologue, watching your other friend Jungkook pick up eight colorful cards after being hit with two subsequent draw fours.

Laughter goes around the circle as the youngest tries to rearrange the abundance of cards in his hands.

Truth be told, you could've declined. It's not Jimin's fault things went south with you and the man whose glare avoids you as if his life depends on it. Yet you spot glimpses of his feline eyes set on you when he least expects it, catching him off-guard – and suddenly the fluffy, white rug beneath his feet is a lot more interesting to look at.

"Oh Jungkook, you're almost as rich as Taehyung!" Seokjin jokes, drawing your attention back to the group.

Hoseok joins in, accompanied by an animated cackle. "You're giving Taehyung a run for his money."

You muster said boy beside you, his brows furrowed and tongue poking out in focus. He can barely spread out his set of cards without dropping any. Poor Taehyung.

As the game continues and more and more people yell out Uno in relief until a loser is revealed (it's a close and tedious match between Jungkook and Taehyung, but at the end Jungkook pulls through) you pay close attention to the way Yoongi toys with the rings on his fingers. He always does this when he's anxious. His action is incessant, almost obnoxious in your eyes. You don't like being here any less than he does, but at least you try your damn hardest to pull yourself together in front of your friends. They're your friends as well as his. You haven't had the chance to see them as much lately while he gets to see them all the time – they live together, for fuck's sake!

"_____." Jimin's voice pulls you back to reality. "Lend me a hand?"

"Uh yeah, sure." You spring up from your seat, realizing Jimin asks for your help clearing the table.

While he collects the cards strewn across the coffee table, you make move of collecting empty bottles and cans. In your position, you're slightly hunched over the surface which involuntarily causes one thing to happen.

Your suspicion is confirmed when you look up at your ex-boyfriend shamelessly staring at your cleavage. There's a split second where you make direct eye contact once he grasps the situation – and now things are ten times more awkward.

Taking a deep inhale, you place everything on the kitchen island nearby before returning to your seat. You muster Yoongi's stone-cold, almost dead-like expression. To anyone that didn't witness what happened seconds ago, it probably looks like the regular go-to mood for Min Yoongi. But you can catch the tiny movement of teeth nibbling on the inside of his bottom lip. Oh, he's frustrated. You can't quite determine yet if you're proud of this achievement.

Meanwhile, Jimin sets up the next game.

"This doesn't look like a safe game to be around Namjoon-hyung," Jungkook murmurs, inspecting the tower of wooden blocks stacked on top of each other.

"Hey!" Namjoon retorts to the boy, his lips pulled into a slight pout. "I can play Jenga alright. Just you watch."

There are noises of disagreement going around the group, some of the guys sharing anecdotes on things Namjoon has accidentally broken recently.

"There's a little twist, by the way," Jimin informs everyone amidst the commotion. "Each block has an instruction on the bottom. Kinda like truth or dare – but you don't get to choose."

"Oh!" Seokjin claps his hands once in excitement. "Now we're talking."

Of course, leave it to Park Jimin to make an already awkward evening even more awkward by potentially causing ruckus with whatever tasks he gives out to people. Great.

After a match of rock, paper, scissor to determine who starts (which is Namjoon who already almost has the tower topple over by crouching down to the table), the first few turns go by in a breeze. Nothing too out of the ordinary has been requested yet. Taehyung choosing Jimin if he had to pick someone he would date out of the bunch or Jungkook giving Hoseok a lap dance like there's no tomorrow seem like natural occurrences for a Saturday night in this house.

"My turn," you murmur as you bend over until you reach the stack. Carefully, you pick a piece from the lower half, smiling to yourself as it slips out with ease. That smile fades though as soon as it appears when you flip over the block to read out the demand: kiss a person of your choice (on the lips! No less than 10 seconds).

There are multiple Oohs going around the group. Some are of surprised and enthusiastic nature – some stem from a place of concern.

You're rooted in place, your mouth running dry at the idea of... What exactly? There's nothing to be nervous about. Most of the guys (emphasis on most) wouldn't even make such a big deal out of this for your sake. Also, you're not blind. You've got handsome friends for sure. Each and every single one of them. It's the thought of him and the consequences. Whatever that may entail.

"I don't think this is right." Namjoon comes to your rescue, most likely sensing your discomfort.

"Why not?" Taehyung asks in earnest, visibly confused about the elder's remark. "She's a free woman. She's free to do whatever."

"Hyung," Jungkook chimes in, "I know for a fact she's not gonna kiss you. You can stop sucking up to her."

The youngest's savage comment has everyone in a laughing fit – everyone except for Yoongi of course.

Uncertainty takes over your mind, covering it in a thick blanket. It's been three months since the two of you broke up. Are you still hung up on him? Yes. A hundred percent yes. Does the same apply to him? You can't say for sure. He's been eerily quiet the entire evening, almost too quiet for your liking. He could either be hiding his innermost thoughts or he actually doesn't give a single fuck about you anymore.

Once the laughter dies down, the sound of his all too familiar voice has you lifting your eyes from the little troublemaker in your hand.

"He's right," Yoongi points out plainly, referring to Taehyung. "She can do whatever she pleases. I don't care."

As he finishes up with a sip of his whiskey, the room falls silent. Nobody dares so much as even breathe. Everyone exchanges looks between each other ranging from unease to utter shock.

So he really doesn't care.

"Okay." You catch his attention with these two syllables, his eyes never straying from you as you place the wooden piece on top of the tower. Making your way over to his side of the couch, you maintain eye contact throughout. There's a slight twitch noticeable in his eyes, confusion taking over his features. Once in front of him, you bend over before leaning in – only you redirect at the last second, wrapping your arms around Seokjin's neck who's sitting next to him. You give it no second thought, planting your lips onto his in an instant.

Although in tunnel vision, you can still hear the gasps around the room. You didn't think this through, but you have to commit now which is why you slightly intensify the kiss by parting your lips. Your hunched-over position becomes uncomfortable though, causing you to drop down to one knee beside Seokjin's thigh on the cushion.

He welcomes the closer vicinity, holding you by your waist with gentle hands.

Has it been ten seconds yet? You have no idea. You assume Jimin would count down, but he's probably too stupefied like the rest of them. Throwing in the tiniest of tongue action for good measure, you part again rather sooner than later. A clear sheen of lip gloss and saliva covers your friend's plush lips. His ears are flushed almost a hot pink.

Your job here is done.

Clearing your throat, you turn around to no one in particular. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. You can keep playing without me."

And with that, you brush past Yoongi's frozen form, ignoring the whispers going around the room.

You've been warned about the sink in the downstairs bathroom not working (once again, courtesy of Namjoon), so you swiftly climb up the flight of stairs to the upstairs bathroom.

Closing the door behind you, you let out a loud exhale before you make your way over to the sink. You don't have to use the bathroom. You just need a minute to breathe. Or two. Or five.

You look up at your reflection in the mirror, the telltale sign of the kiss written all over your lips. Had you known this is how things are going to pan out, you would've opted for smudge-proof lipstick. Turning on the faucet, you dab some water onto the pad of your finger to wipe at the corners of your mouth.

What have you done?

A knock on the door startles you.

"What?" you ask, wondering who it is.

"Let me in."

The deep, raspy tone coming from the other side of the door draws an annoyed sigh out of you. "I'm peeing," you answer flatly.

"No, you're not."

Another heavier sigh passes your lips this time. He's the last person you want to see right now, but something tells you to give in still. "What do you want?" you bite as you swing open the door with so much power you almost detach it from its hinges.

Yoongi steps over the threshold, closing it behind him with equal force. The impact causes the door handle to rattle. He watches you wander back over to the sink, irritation marking every inch of his face. "What the fuck was that for?" he spits with so much venom it's far from characteristic of him.

"What do you mean 'what the fuck was that for'?" You turn to face the mirror, inspecting yourself again. "I did what was expected of me."

Coming up behind you, your ex-boyfriend shoots daggers at you through the reflection. "Are you fucking kidding me? That was way more than what was expected of you!"

"What's your fucking problem? You made it clear in front of everyone, including me, you don't care. Besides"–with your blood pumping hot through your veins, you spin around looking him dead in the eye���"you wanted this. You ended this." You point back and forth between the two of you. "So you don't get to complain now."

He stares you down with what you can now decipher as hurt and rage. "Don't talk about our relationship like it was just a thing. For fuck's sake, _____! We were together for almost two years." His growing distress shows as he rushes a hand through his pitch-black hair. "You took equal part in the downfall. You took equal part in the decision."

A small scoff comes to the surface. "Are you actually listening to yourself? You sat me down and told me this wasn't gonna work out – not me. You came up with all the excuses you're too busy and your career doesn't allow a stable life when you know very well I've tried everything in my willpower to make things work."

His features contort more into agony. "That's because you were never satisfied with my solutions. Who says you were the only one trying to make things work? Nothing was ever good enough for you. I know I have a busy lifestyle, but things always have to go according to your plan. You immediately shut down whenever I suggest something that's not part of your vision."

You roll your eyes at him, partially in anger but also in a poor attempt at keeping your tears at bay. He's not entirely wrong, you're aware of that. It wasn't easy with him, but you could be equally as stubborn. At the time, the glass was simply too broken to put back together – no matter how hard any of you tried. Maybe you needed the time apart to see clearer.

"These past three months were hell for me," you confess suddenly, dropping your head in shame.

There's a beat of silence following your words. "For me as well," Yoongi finally answers, his voice coming out barely above a whisper.

"How come we're so bad at this?" It's more of a rhetorical question, but you genuinely wonder how you managed to stay together this long.

Another pause settles in before Yoongi speaks up again. "I don't think we're bad at relationships. There are things we need to work on, sure. But these things don't come overnight." After wetting his lips tentatively, he continues, "We're already making big progress by talking about this – even if we wanted to strangle each other seconds ago. If anything, we needed this in order to finally be honest and not hide behind a façade anymore."

Your mind takes you back to that fateful day when you talked each other through the break-up. Things were convoluted as you convinced each other you didn't see any future in being together just to avoid addressing the truth and finding a common denominator. It seemed easier this way, running away from your problems and saving face in the process.

Now look where it led you – the worst outcome possible.

Catching a stray tear rolling down your cheek, you muster up the courage to look at him again. "What do we do now?"

He lets out a low hum at the sight of you, his hand coming up to carefully wipe another tear close to spilling from the corner of your eye. "I don't know. All I know is I don't like this. The distance, the avoidance – the animosity."

"Yeah." You let his words hang heavy in the room. Hard agree on this one. "Neither do I."

"And I certainly don't like seeing you make out with someone else right in front of my face – let alone Jin-hyung at that."

His comment has you chuckling lightly. "To be fair, I didn't enjoy it as much as you'd think."

"You're joking." He breaks out into his signature gummy smirk. "Worldwide Handsome didn't do it for you?"

You shake your head, a small smile forming on your face. "He's not you."

At that, his grin grows even wider, his eyes turning into downturned crescents.

"I'm sorry, by the way." You play with one of the bracelets around your wrist, tugging at the golden chain.

Yoongi reaches for your arm, most likely out of reflex as he notices your hesitation. "It's okay. I'm sorry, too." Dropping his hand, he elaborates, "I overreacted earlier. You're not... We're not­..."

He struggles to finish his thought, but you know exactly what he's trying to say. "Do you want to be?" you drawl, immediately wincing at how desperate you sound. Maybe it's still too early for this.

Your concern dissipates as his eyes light up in an instant. "Of course," he murmurs. "I've always wanted to."

The corners of your lips tug upwards again at that. "I do, too," you follow up though you're sure he already figured.

What a serious turn of events. Who would've thought things were going to work out this way? You could hug the world right now. Hell, you could hug the entire universe.

"Should we..." he starts, a mischievous glint glossing over his irises, "shake hands on this?"

Bursting into laughter, you shake your head at his ridiculous idea. "That's so formal. We're not business partners."

"Fine then."

Your laughter ceases instantly as he takes a few steps forward, slowly backing you into the marble countertop behind you.

"Should we hug it out instead?"

You watch the way his tongue swipes across his bottom lip as you're caged in between his arms, the closeness sending your mind reeling.

"Or do you have something else in mind?"

Swallowing down hard, your focus switches between his lips and the seductive gaze he holds you with. "A hug would be a start,” you croak out.

He sends you a crooked smile before releasing his grip around the corner of the sink, enveloping you with both arms for a tight bear hug, his cheek coming to a rest on your temple.

You welcome his touch, bending your arms that are stuck underneath his to clasp around his shoulders. An abundance of warmth and comfort washes over you, so you bury your face into the crook of his neck to take it all in. Words can't describe how much you missed this – how much you missed him.

The two of you stay like this for a while until Yoongi breaks the silence. "Just to be clear–"

You lift your head to get a proper look at him.

"–I do care. I always have, and I always will."

All trains of thought leave you as you stare at each other, the sincerity in his eyes granting them with a spark you haven't seen yet before. You swear there's a magnetic force involved, that's how strong the urge is when you slowly close the distance pressing your lips onto his.

Bliss overtakes you instantly, the familiar feeling of his lips bringing back all the memories of the past two years. Things were never easy between you, but you want to make it work this time no matter the cost.

Once you pull apart, all you can do is look at each other, completely at a loss for words. You catch the way Yoongi's focus switches back and forth between your eyes though, trailing down to your lips before coming back up where it ultimately stays.

He loosens one of his arms around you, bringing it up to rest his hand on the side of your neck. With his thumb, he rubs soothing circles into your cheek.

You close your eyes at his touch, unfurling an arm from behind his back to curl around his neck instead. The other follows the curve of his spine before enclosing around his waist.

"God..." Yoongi murmurs, his forehead coming to rest against yours. "I missed you so much."

Blinking your eyelids open, you catch the moment his open just a second later. "I missed you, too."

This time it's he who draws you in for a kiss, his hand gently tilting your head to the side to grant him access.

There's always been something super addictive about Yoongi's kisses. From the tingling sensation that infests your entire body starting at the top of your scalp all the way down to the soles of your feet, to the funny feeling in your core that has you weak in the knees and lose all sense of self – you could never get enough.

You're done for when he parts his mouth slightly, the tip of his tongue slipping through the seam of yours. You let out an involuntary moan, seeking solace as you tighten your grip around the cotton fabric of his shirt.

He steps closer causing you to part your legs to make space for him. With your torso bent backward into a small arch, he starts planting kisses along your jawline down your neck.

At this point, you're like wax in his hands. Of course he's more than familiar with your weak spots.

His hold around your waist wanders down to your thigh as he hooks your leg around his hip, gently hoisting you up on the countertop. In a painstakingly slow fashion, his lips flutter across your collarbone before they land above the cups of your bustier top.

You can feel his hand travel further up your thigh, shyly slipping beneath the denim fabric of your skirt. Before he can go any further, you gently grab him by the wrist.

Flustered, the male lifts his face from your cleavage. "Sorry, did I–"

"No," you interrupt him quickly. You don't want him to get the wrong idea. "Not here."

"What–"

Before he can ask any further questions, you climb off the counter, dragging him out of the bathroom down the dark hallway.

The door closes behind you with a silent click before you switch on the light.

You haven't seen this room since the break-up. It looks about the same, maybe a bit messier than you remember. The bed looks like it's been made in a hurry, there are a few more clothes strewn around than you're used to from your ex-boyfriend. You're unsure of the emotions that overcome you. They're something along the lines of guilt, shame – sadness.

In your daydream, you don't notice Yoongi coming to stand in front of you. "I'm sorry it's kinda messy," he apologizes, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't expect company tonight."

You solemnly shake your head. "It's fine. That's not it."

It's silent for a beat until he speaks up again. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Again, you shake your head. "I do though."

The man musters you sternly as if to read your mind. Then he cracks a small smile. "Okay. Me too."

One wouldn't be able to tell the two of you were engaged in a semi-heated make-out session just a minute ago with the way you're gradually closing the distance between you. But once your arms are slung around his neck again, the passion from before resurfaces in an instant.

His hold around your waist grows more desperate with each passing second, pulling you further into the room along with him until you reach the foot end of his bed. In between hungry kisses, he plops down onto the mattress with a soft thud.

You're still in a mostly upright position, a little bit hunched over with one knee propped up beside his thigh as you continue kissing him. It's comically similar to the scene from the living room – although this time it's with the right man. The realization has you chuckling against his lips.

"What's so funny?" he asks, breaking out into a smirk of his own.

You playfully nibble on his lower lip. "Nothing," you lie. "Just thought about how strange life is sometimes."

A tiny squeal escapes you as Yoongi suddenly drags you down with him, your arms coming out just right on time to cushion the fall. "Life is strange," he agrees. "But I like where it's leading us right now."

The mischief in his tone doesn't go unnoticed by you, so to wipe that smile off his face you lean down stealing another kiss from him. It starts off relatively tame before you try to rile him up ever so slowly, lowering your body until you're straddling his waist. Your tongues are fighting for dominance, but ultimately you have the upper hand in this as you pull away, watching him from above in all his glory. Or so you thought because the second you lay eyes on his fucked-out expression, his parted lips so plump and shiny and his pitch-black hair splayed out on the white comforter you swear you lose all sense of reality. Ethereal is the word that comes to your mind. He's nothing short of ethereal.

"Ah!"

Yoongi takes advantage of the situation while you're lost in your thoughts, flipping you over on your back. "Enjoying the view?" he jokes, his gummy smirk on full display.

You snort. "Maybe."

His lips are on you again immediately, retracing their path from earlier as he places kiss after kiss over the curvature of your chest. "So am I."

You're reduced to whimpers when he sucks love bites into your skin.

Once he pulls away to admire his work, he informs you with a straight face, "You know, I had a really hard time not staring when we were downstairs."

You bite your lip, patiently waiting for the revelation.

"But then you helped clearing the table, and they were practically in my face, so–"

"You missed my tits," you interject with an amused smile.

He chortles. "You make it sound so crude." Tracing the intricate flower embroidery covering your breasts with his finger, he elaborates, "Obviously, I love looking at all of you. Not just your tits."

The way he repeats the word has you burst into laughter.

"Stop laughing at me." His cheeks rise into full globes before his face falls again. "I'm serious, I missed seeing your face. You look really beautiful tonight."

Whatever bullshit you were about to say – it's gone. The way his words leave his lips with such sincerity and his eyes are set on you as if to imprint every single inch of your face in his brain renders you speechless. All you can do is show him that you missed him just as much – if not even more. Pulling him down to you by the nape of his neck, you press your lips together again, eagerly running your hand through the strands on the back of his head. It's gotten a little bit longer ever since you broke up, and admittedly you find it kind of sexy.

"In all seriousness though"–Yoongi mumbles in between kisses–"as beautiful as you look in this, I want if off now." Toying with the strap of your top, he gently glides it over your shoulder until it loses tension.

You comply with no questions asked, propping yourself up on your elbows. Yoongi catches on right away, reaching behind you to pull down the zipper. It always amused you how contradicting he could be, his patient character cracking when it came to intimacy, his soft-spoken nature turning more daring and demanding.

A low hum resonates from him at the sight of your bare breasts, and it doesn't take long until his attention is on them again, his hand cupping one of them while he bends down to take care of the other.

The sudden contact has you moaning out louder than you'd like. As he changes up the motions on your hardened nipple, it's hard to keep it down now. Throwing your head back, you relish the onslaught of suckles and licks, kisses and bites.

He switches sides, granting your other boob the same treatment while still squeezing the prior.

You're a mess, to say the least, the dampness sodding your panties a sure indicator of that.

As if he's living in your head, Yoongi's hand wanders down the expanse of your torso before stopping right under the hemline of your miniskirt. Tugging at the seam, he grumbles, "Take this off, too, baby."

The audacity to throw in the pet name as well – you've never been quicker at undressing up until this point. Your hands are shaky as you're fiddling with the button though, so Yoongi comes to the rescue, unbuttoning it at the speed of light yet the veins raking across his hands have your undivided attention, prolonging the moment to infinity.

He slides down from the bed to the floor, taking the obstructing clothing with him at the same time.

There's something about you being stripped down to your underwear whereas he's still dressed that sends uncontrollable tingles to your core.

While leaving fluttery pecks across your lower abdomen, the male slips a single digit under the fabric covering your crotch. "We haven't even started yet"–he places another peck closer to your pelvic mound–"but you're already so wet, baby."

A snarky response is on the tip of your tongue, something along the lines of it being a given when he's been playing with your boobs like a man possessed, but you swallow it down when he drags his finger over your folds, dipping the tip into your slit.

Your reaction is immediate, the whimper passing your lips drawing a smile onto his. "God, I can't wait to make you cum," he grunts, and with that his fingers hook around the waistband of your panties, removing the last remaining piece of clothing covering you.

Any sort of thought dissipates from your mind as he throws your thighs over his shoulders and his mouth connects with your center, licking up your arousal like it's a sport.

You're no stranger to the things he's capable of with his tongue, but this is no match to the times before. His moves are calculated yet determined, taking you to the brink of an orgasm in record time. There's no use holding back anymore, your hand covering your mouth doing little to nothing hiding your whines.

In between all the licking and sucking, Yoongi retracts for a split second, a wicked grin gracing his features. "Getting close?"

"Mh-hm," you hum out breathlessly. "Please don't stop."

He doesn't need another plea from you, his movements more eager than before as he continues eating you out.

Weaving your hand through his thick locks, you watch him from above. His eyebrows are furrowed as he focuses on your pleasure, his hands around your thighs digging deep into your flesh. This sight alone could have you cumming on the spot, but it's the switch-up from small kitten licks to suckles on your clit with the perfect amount of pressure that drives you over the edge. "I-I'm cumming, fuck!"

He guides you through your release, letting you grind on his face as he runs his hands over your thighs locked around his head in a tight grip. Once you're done riding it out, he presses one last kiss to your quivering core, smirking at the way you squirm over the sensitivity.

"Fuck," you curse again in disbelief. The room around you appears surreal. You watch the ceiling above you to regain consciousness. He essentially mouth-fucked you into oblivion.

A light kiss to your temple brings you back from wherever your mind was catapulted to. Outer space or another dimension. No one really knows for sure.

"Still with me?" Yoongi checks on you, his thumb rubbing tiny circles into the highpoint of your cheek.

You swallow down hard, willing your eyes to focus on his looking back at you. The deep brown of his irises resembles that of the Iced Americanos that he loves so much although warmer and more welcoming than the caffeinated drink. "Y-yeah," you manage out.

"Good." He bends down to peck your lips. "Thought I'd lost you for a second."

You might as well be lost for the rest of eternity. Your hands seek for harbor, digging into the sleeves of his jacket. "Take this off," you mumble, impatiently tugging at the garment.

"Alright." Yoongi chuckles at your cute antics, taking it off instantly.

You're not satisfied yet though, curling your hands around the hem of his shirt, dragging it upward until a sliver of his abdomen shows. "This, too."

He shushes you, grabbing ahold of your wrists. "Baby, you're getting too excited."

With your lips in a pout you protest, "I'm not. I just wanna take care of you, too."

His laughter resonates in your ears. "You're gonna get to take care of me soon enough." You're still pouting, so he comes up with a peace offering. "Here, how about this?" Guiding his hand back down to your heat, he proposes, "Give me another one, and I'll let you do whatever you want with me for a while."

You're spent already, your first orgasm having drained your entire energy. But you're willing to go again if that means getting what you want. Nodding your head, you lean back onto the bed.

"Good girl."

Holy shit.

It takes all your might not to melt into a puddle right then and there, but his working hand doesn't give you enough time to even process his words, his ringed fingers already drawing circles on your swollen bud. You gasp out silently, leaving an imprint on the mattress with how hard you're throwing your head back.

His digits expertly tickle your clit as if you're a key on his piano or a string on his guitar, experimentally dipping them into your heat for precise pumps. You thank the gods but also simultaneously curse the devil for making this man skilled with both his tongue and his hands.

It's not long until you feel the all too familiar knot in your core tighten again, squeezing your walls around his fingers as you feel the cold metal adorning them.

"That's it, baby," he growls. The pad of his thumb works your nub while his ring and index finger drag in and out of you with fast strokes. "Almost there."

You barely manage out anything intelligible other than Yeah and Don't stop. Sweat forms on your skin from your neck down to your chest, the golden pendant of your necklace clinging to it. So close, so damn close.

His hawk eyes are on you the entire time, intense and sinister. Not a single twitch of your muscles passes them by. If it wasn't for that crooked smile of his you would think he's studying you, analyzing your every move.

It's easy to feel intimidated under his watch, so to lessen your nerves – and finally bring yourself over the edge – you grab him by the collar, pulling him close to you. "Kiss me,” you murmur as if his lips aren't already pressed to yours.

With one last wicked grin, Yoongi gives in to your request, kissing you as if his life depends on it. He knows exactly how to get you going, lets you taste yourself on his tongue while he produces more of your sinful essence.

All you can do is whimper against his mouth until you break apart, another orgasm ripping out of you sooner than you thought that has your thighs clamping shut and your back arching off the mattress. A string of profanities leaves your lips as Yoongi continues massaging your clit through your high. Your sweaty hand clutching at the comforter snatches his wrist, stopping his crazed motions. "F-fuck okay, stop," you manage out, your throat as dry as a desert.

The man has the audacity to send a soft slap to your folds before pressing a quick peck onto your temple. "You did so well." He peers down at you with a gummy smile as he sits up straight, popping his soaked fingers into his mouth. "That was fun."

You're essentially an empty vessel, watching him with your mouth agape while nothing but a numbing, tingling sensation travels along your limbs. This must be the afterlife. Hell or heaven or maybe both.

"Alright." His voice takes you back to the bedroom. "As promised"–he shuffles to the edge of the bed, spreading his legs–"you have all the creative control now."

A tired chuckle escapes you before you scramble yourself up on your elbows, immediately sliding down to the floor in front of where Yoongi sits. You're quick to work on his belt, looping the leather through the holes although the feeling in your fingers hasn't returned yet.

The sound of Yoongi's laughter fills your ears, and you know you must look like a fool with the way you're trying to get him out of his pants before you even took off his shirt. Oh shit, yeah. You totally forgot about his shirt, but you have all the time in the world. For now, your focus is on something entirely else.

He observes you as you pull down his jeans and boxers in one go, lifting his butt from the bed to facilitate the process for you. He sports this cocky sideway smirk that drives you insane, but you manage to wipe it off his face the second your hand wraps around his length. A hiss passes through his teeth once you start stroking him in an up-and-down motion. Throwing his head back, he lets you take full control.  

You add in a twisting motion whenever you reach the tip which clearly affects the man, his breathing becoming shallow and his whines turning into guttural moans. "I've barely done anything," you tease him just as he did earlier. "But you're already so hard."

That smirk returns instantly though weaker this time. "So what? I get hard watching you get off."

"Mh-hm," you hum unimpressed. "So what you're saying is I can do this"–you bend forward to slowly lick a stripe from the base up to the tip, giving the head a light suck–"and it does nothing for your raging hard-on?"

Whatever response is on the tip of his tongue, it disappears as soon as you put your mouth on him again, swallowing half of his length. "Ah, fuck!" His hand shoots up to hold you by the back of your head. The further you take him down your throat, the tighter his grip around your hair becomes. "Baby..."

You wish you could imprint this memory on instant film. The rosiness creeping up on his cheeks and neck compliment his smooth, milky skin so well. A thin sheen of sweat starts forming on his forehead, the strands of his dark bangs clinging to it framing his face like a picture. He's beyond beautiful, especially when he falls apart under the touch of your hand and the wet, warm comfort of your mouth.

Your head bops up and down at an excruciating pace now, his hard-on covered in slick from your saliva. You ignore the stinging ache in your jaw, planning on sucking him dry. He's always been such a sucker for your blowjobs, so you want to put on the best show possible for him.

"Baby," he repeats, his voice quivering. "Please."

Slowing down your movements, you resort to running your tongue across the protruding vein on the side of his length. "Yes?"

His hands wander down to your arms. "Come here."

"Hm?" You give him one final hard suck before pulling off him with a loud pop. Still kneeling in front of the man, you feign ignorance.

Impatiently, he pulls you up to your feet. "Stop playing."

You practically fall into his arms, straddling him in the process. His hands immediately find their way to your ass, grabbing a handful causing you to gasp. "What now?" you ask innocently, covering him with your slick as you grind down on him.

Drawing you in for a heated kiss, he drags your pelvis down onto his even harder. "Hands and knees, baby," the man orders with a sharp slap to your ass.

You don't waste another second, complying as you crawl off his lap. Getting into position with your butt high up in the air, you can hear his feet shuffle across the hardwood floor. He reappears in your vision shortly after, rummaging through the drawers of the bedside table.

"Shit," he curses harshly. "I thought I had some in here."

No further explanation is needed to understand what he's referring to. Sitting up on your heels, you watch Yoongi run a hand through his hair in distress.

"Can you check the other side?" he suggests, his eyes set on you.

"Sure." Leaning over the edge of the bed, you sift through the drawers though without luck.

Yoongi usually keeps the condoms on his side, the right side. When you were together, you would occupy the left side which is closer to the window. You always preferred the one closest to the window. It didn't matter much to Yoongi which side he slept on, but he made sure yours was always cleared so you could store whatever stuff you wanted. From any type of jewelry you took off before going to sleep, to snacks or books you brought with you that day – you always had your space within his home. And going through what were once your drawers, you realize nothing much has changed. They look rather uninhabited, no traces of you or him – or even someone else which is a concern that crosses your mind now.

He scratches the back of his head. "Fuck..." His voice comes out in defeat. "Maybe I can ask one of the other guys–"

"Don't!" You grab him by the wrist before he can wander off.

Confused, he looks down at your hand then back at you. "Why? You don't want to anymore?"

Shaking your head, you murmur sheepishly, "That's not it." There's a beat of silence as he waits for more. You swallow down the lump in your throat before you elaborate further, "Have you been with anyone else after..."

He holds your gaze, his eyes turning somber at your insinuation. "No."

His answer his short, but it's all you need to know. Min Yoongi might be the master of poker faces, but when it comes to you you can read the man like a book.

"Have you?" he follows up.

You shake your head. "Me neither."

Your reply seems to loosen some of the tension Yoongi was harboring, his body language becoming much more relaxed. Intertwining your hand with his, he inquires with a spark in his eyes, "Are you still on the pill?"

Giving him an affirmative answer, you interlock your fingers with his free hand as well. Your gesture changes the mood for good, his signature gummy smile making its return. You pull him closer until you're chest to chest. Sending him a light peck to the corner of his mouth, you curl your fingers around the edges of his shirt, peeling it off his torso.

He chuckles, raising his arms into the air in compliance. His hair ends up slightly disheveled once the clothing drags over his head. As you're smoothing it out for him, he asks, "Are you sure you're okay with this?"  

You give it another second of thought. It wouldn't be the first time you've done it without extra protection. You started birth control once things became serious between the two of you. Over the course of your relationship, you would stick to double protection mostly to stay on the safe side. Now that you're back here with him and your first time ever since is going to be raw, it puts so much more significance to the situation – but that's what you want. You want to be with him all the way.

"I'm okay with this," you assure him with another peck to his lips. "Are you?"

Nodding his head, he allows you to drag down his pants and underwear that still hang around his thighs, letting them pool around his ankles. You're about to crawl back onto the bed when he stops you midway.

"What?" You look at him from across your shoulder. "What's wrong?"

His arm wraps around your middle, turning you on your back. "I wanna look at you."

With bated breath you watch his eyes linger on your face, taking in every inch of it as if he's trying to paint a picture of you in his mind. God. If he's not going to do anything, you're going to have to eventually –

Cupping your chin, he then kisses you deeply while entering you slowly.

Your reaction is immediate, gasping against his mouth as he sheaths himself inside of you. Thank God. Finally.

The feeling is all too familiar though it still needs some time getting used to. He prepped you well at least, so it doesn't take too long until pleasure ultimately replaces the stinging sensation.

"Fuck," he curses as he moves at a moderate pace. "I missed you."

You hold onto his arms resting beside your head. "I missed you, too."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

It's like this flips a switch inside of him, his movements becoming more eager and carnal. He fills you up to the hilt, thrusting in and out of you with vigor. The silver pendant of his necklace swings back and forth wildly, grazing across your chest.

Your nails leave crescent shaped marks around his biceps. You're reduced to moans and curses. How long have you been hoping for this? Within those three months without him, you never considered a chance of getting back together – but you also haven't stopped thinking about the possibility of it. It seemed so farfetched due to all the circumstances. You had ruled it out immediately. But your fantasy always ran wild with the idea of it. And now your fantasy has become reality.

A particularly hard thrust has you practically screaming. You're quick to cover your mouth, your hand clasping it shut.

"Don't do that." Yoongi grabs ahold of it, holding it down above your head. "I wanna hear you." As if to test you, his hips rut into you faster and harder.

This ultimately does the trick, and you certainly don't disappoint as you let out lustful sounds loud and clear. Your focus should be on the here and now – in the arms of the man that you love so much. Nothing else and no one else should matter. "O-oh God, Yoongi!"

He sends you a satisfied grin as he sits up on his heels, his hips still snapping into yours. "Turn around."

With a mocking voice you tease him, "I thought you wanted to look at me."

"Yeah," he states nonchalantly, separating his sweaty bangs. "Now I wanna see the other side."

You let out an amused chuckle but abide alas, turning around on your side first before falling forward on your hands, your ass on full display for him.

"Perfect," he praises, caressing your cheeks with both hands. "You're doing great, baby."

Seconds pass before you feel his tip slide past your folds again. The stretch is different in this position, deeper and more thorough. You don't even notice yourself backing into him, your behind pressed flush to his pelvis.

"A little eager, aren't we?" One of his hands comes down to spank you, but before you even get a chance to complain he continues his onslaught, rolling his hips into your backside with deliciously slow yet harsh thrusts.

"Oh my God!" You lower yourself until your chest comes into contact with the mattress. "Yoongi…"

The telltale sound of skin slapping against skin echoes off the walls though they're not enough to drown out your sounds. As he gradually picks up his pace, your moans turn unstoppable. It's like an out-of-body experience – and judging by the noises coming from the man behind you he seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself as well.  

"Fuck, baby…" Yoongi's grip on your hips tightens. "You take me so well."

You desperately nod your head at no one in particular before burying it in between your folded forearms as you withstand his force. There's a burn you're trying to ignore that spreads along your thighs, but the longer you hold out the easier you lose posture until you collapse like a house of cards.

"Here." His hands guide you further up on the mattress until you're on your half of the bed. "Lay down."

You flop down onto your back like a brick, drawing a chuckle out of Yoongi.

As he positions himself beside you, he puts your legs together rolling you onto your side.  

"Oh..." You watch him with wondrous eyes as he settles down onto the space behind you. "This is new."

"Yeah." He grins while looping an arm around you, burying himself in your heat again. "Thought you needed a break."

At that, you chuckle lightly. "How thoughtful of you."

"Right?" With one sharp thrust, he hits you right in your g-spot. "Aren't I thoughtful?"

You moan out as he continuously pistons in and out of you, unable to answer in coherent sentences. "Mh-hm, so th-thoughtful."

His hand resting on your belly trails down to your thighs, spreading them ever so slightly so he can toy with your clit. The other squeezes through a crevice he creates between you and the bed to play with your tits.

When you think this is the highest of pleasure you can experience, he proves you wrong again. As his hips and hands move together in a perfect rhythm, he has the audacity to nip at your neck at the same time. His hard cock driving in and out of your pussy while he draws circles on your clit, pinches your nipple, and laves his tongue over your neck – this overstimulation sends you straight to the verge of another orgasm.

"Yoongi…" You twist your head around, resting it against his. "I'm gonna cum again."

"Okay." His features are contorted, one of the telltale signs of his own high incoming. "I'm about to cum, too."

Grabbing onto the hair on the back of his head, you press your lips together. The position proves itself as slightly awkward but is no obstacle to the heated kiss you're able to share.

Parting for a split second, Yoongi mumbles against your lips, "Should I pull out?"

You give it a moment of serious thought, shaking your head. As much as you loved when he used to finish somewhere on your body, you loved it the most when he finished inside. It always felt the most intimate, connecting the two of you on another level. "Cum inside me," you clarify, your walls already starting to flutter at the thought of it alone.

It's apparent the male is affected by your command, trying his hardest to send the two of you over the finish line. His eyes are shut, and his forehead crinkled into deep creases. "Baby," he huffs out with shallow breaths, "cum for me, please."

His plea along with his relentless ministrations seem to be the final straw for you, that long awaited orgasm exploding within you like a firework. Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you manage out a hoarse moan, involuntarily clamping your thighs shut while your legs twitch.

"O-oh fuck!" Yoongi also finds his release right away, emptying himself inside of you. "Shit!"

You barely register the profanities leaving his lips, but once he's reduced to mere whimpers you come back to reality. You always thought they were the sweetest sound in the world, such a contradiction to the strong and secure exterior of Min Yoongi.

The two of you lie there entangled with one another, catching your breaths. It could be a matter of a few minutes or maybe even an hour that you bask in the afterglow until Yoongi breaks the silence. "Come on," he murmurs, caressing your cheek. "We gotta clean up. Take off your make-up and all that."

You agree although with an annoyed grunt, slowly heaving your strained limbs from the bed one by one. There's a slight chill in the room now that your body has acclimated without the added body temperature from Yoongi and the physical exertion.

The touch of a fabric being draped across your shoulders causes you to jump a little. Inspecting the piece, you realize it's Yoongi's shirt from earlier. Thanking him, you slide it on as you stand up to your full height. Your legs are like jelly and there's the telltale ringing in your ears.

"Can you walk?" Yoongi inquires, coming to stand beside you. He’s back in his boxers, inspecting you with care.

Sending a timid nod of your head, you take a step but stumble over your own feet.

His arms reach out for you just in time to prevent the fall. "I went too hard on you. I'm sorry, darling."

"'s alright," you slur into the crook of his neck. "I liked it. A lot."

A smug grin finds its way onto his features. "Now come on," he chuckles. "Let's get you cleaned up."

You're more than thankful in this situation that Yoongi's room is one of the two in this household with an en-suite bathroom (the other belonging to Seokjin – being the eldest comes with benefits for sure) since your legs almost give out at any step despite leaning onto him while you walk.

After you take care of your situation down there, Yoongi runs a warm washcloth along the inside of your thighs for good measure. You thank him with your mouth agape, watching him in astonishment while you're propped up on the sink countertop for balance. It's beyond you how you could agree to the break-up so easily when he's always been so attentive to your needs, has always taken care of you without you even asking.

"There." He rises back to eye-level with you. "All good now."

You turn around to face the mirror, looking around for the things you need to in order to wash up. "Do you have a spare toothbrush?" you ask.

The man takes a second to process your request before his hand curls around the handle of one of the upper drawers. "I actually..." He hesitates. "I've got a few things you could use."

When he opens the drawer, your breath hitches in your throat. "I forgot I left these here," you murmur, inspecting the items revealed to you.

"Yeah..." Yoongi scratches the back of his head. "When you said you didn't need them, I tried throwing them away, but... I just couldn't."

You fairly remember the scene, storming out of the house after that talk, and when Yoongi told you he still had stuff of yours when you came over to drop off his you answered in anger 'Keep it or throw it out'.

With a trembling hand, you reach for the pink headband next to the rest of your skincare products. You don't want it to happen, but tears spring up in your eyes. Trying to keep them at bay, you throw your head into your neck, but to no avail. The first tears roll down your cheeks, so you turn away from Yoongi in shame, letting them fall freely.

"Hey," Yoongi coos, his hands coming up to rub soothing circles into your arms. "It's okay, honey. It's in the past now."

You feel so endlessly guilty of how things have turned out. All you want is for it to work out with him.

He continues consoling you, "We're gonna do better this time. But we have to be honest with each other." One of his hands slide down to intertwine with yours. "So no more of that hiding shit."

You let him spin you around in your spot. Looking up at him through blurry vision, you wrap your arms around his neck. "I want this to work out, Yoongi," you croak out choked up on tears. "I really want this to work out."

"It's gonna work out," he assures you, his arms around you as tight and secure as ever. "We're gonna make it work."

As you pull apart, he swipes his thumb over the last of the remaining tears on your cheek before placing a chaste kiss on it. The gesture draws a smile back onto your face, soothing your haywire state.

It's so domestic how you stand next to each other now brushing your teeth and doing your skincare routines, pulling silly faces at one another through the mirror – and before you know it you're racing him back to the bed, drifting off into peaceful slumber with his chest pressed to your back.

Sunlight peeks through the blinds as you blink your eyes open. You're sore all over, the memory of last night hitting you like a bat over the head though it draws a smile on your lips – especially since his arm is still draped over your middle.

Carefully rolling over onto your side, you're met with a half-asleep Yoongi, his eyelids still heavy as he peers at you.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" you whisper, your smile widening at his cute face.

He shakes his head, burying his face into the pillow. "Mh-mh." His voice comes out muffled, thick with sleepiness. "I woke up a minute ago or so."

You place your hand on his cheek at which he turns his head again. Rubbing your thumb across his soft skin, you shuffle closer to peck him on the lips.

He seems slightly more awake after that, chasing after your lips for another.

You still can't believe this is how you ended up. All the trials and tribulations brought you back together in the end. A huge thank you is due to be said to Jimin.

Yoongi props himself up, looking around the room in search of something. Once his eyes land on the bedside table next to you, he speaks up, "Pass me my phone, please?"

You hum out in affirmation, bending over to the side to retrieve the device.

He settles back down on the bed when you hand it to him, welcoming you with open arms as you cuddle up to him. Tapping on the screen, he unlocks the phone to a plethora of messages. He opens the most recent chat with Jimin.

You're not one to sneak a peek, but it's hard not to when it's right in front of your face. When you read the last message, heat creeps up into your cheeks.

from Jimin [12:04 AM]

i'm glad you guys managed to "talk things out" 😉

"Oh God." You hide your face in the crook of his neck. "They know."

"Of course they know," Yoongi replies with a chuckle. "We were gone for the rest of the night." He types out a quick reply before tossing the phone onto the space beside him. "On top of that, we weren't exactly quiet," he jokes, wrapping his arms around you pulling you flush to his chest.

You linger in embarrassment for a little longer until you can't help but laugh along with him.

A soft knock on the door ends your chatter early to which Yoongi answers with a chipper 'Come in'.

The door cracks open ever so slightly, the chestnut-brown of Seokjin's mop of hair coming into sight. "Everybody decent?" he questions before correcting himself. "Well, you wouldn't have told me to come in if not." Swinging the door open wider until he's more than a floating head without a body, he adds, "Uh... Breakfast's ready."

"Alright, thanks," the younger male responds. "We'll be down in a bit."

"So you guys are good again?" The corners of Seokjin's mouth tug upward as if he doesn't know the answer already.

Yoongi sends him an assuring smile. "Yeah, we're good."

"Good, good. That's a relief." It looks like he's on his way out before he adds with a teasing grin, "Otherwise I would've had no other choice but to ask for your hand in marriage, _____, because that kiss last night was something else. Like wow–"

A loud thud sounds as Yoongi throws his pillow at the older male with full force. Seokjin's fast reflexes save him though as it knocks against the closing door instead.

You shake your head at the eldest’s shenanigans.

"Say…" Yoongi starts again, acting as if what just happened a second ago didn’t. "I’m gonna have to go on some trips starting next month."

Your ears perk up at that.

"I know I can’t take you with me on all of them, and I’m not gonna force you, but…" He studies you with careful eyes. "Do you think we can make something work? Like you keep me company for at least one of them?"

Tracing shapes across the smoothness of his chest, you answer, "It’s a little short notice, but I’ll talk to my manager first thing Monday morning."

He cracks a crooked smile. "If not, we’ll figure something out."

"We’ll figure something out," you repeat as an assurance to him but also yourself. "What’s important is we both gotta be comfortable with what we’re doing and be patient with the process. Chances are things aren’t gonna run smoothly right away."

His smile grows wider at your addition. "Yeah, exactly.” Pulling you closer to his chest, Yoongi says the next sentence with an underlying tone of regret. "I hope you know it’s not your fault."

Your fingers curl tighter around his figure.

"I was just as guilty myself, I made just as many mistakes." Tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, he trails, "So please, don’t put all the blame on yourself."

Last night you would’ve cried in an instant, but you’re in a much better state this morning. Now you know you both have things to improve in order to move the relationship forward.

Lifting your head off his chest, you nod at him with a small smile. "Thank you for letting me know. And the same goes for you as well."

He reciprocates your smile before pulling you down towards him, pressing your lips together. "I love you," he repeats the words from last night.

Your heart flutters in your chest. "I love you, too." You resume the kiss, your hands roaming around his naked torso. "Do you think breakfast can wait? I feel like"–slinging one leg over to the other side, you straddle him–"I was kinda lazy last night."

At that, he gives you an all-knowing grin and the rest is history.

[alchemicaladarna]

Just to clarify, I am obviously talking about the characters and the QSMP as a story. I am simply an avid viewer that had too much coffee and time on their hands so I basically wrote an essay. What is it about? I have no idea. So, read it if you want, but beware that nothing at the end of this should make sense.

In my opinion, morally ambigious characters are interesting, but UNPREDICTABLE morally ambigious characters are even more fun to analyze because they take more risks and play more dangerous games. If a character was labeled as a "hero" and played on the "good" side they are guaranteed a safe spot within the group. Regardless of whether they kill or hurt others, they are on the good side because they are fighting against the corporation that is keeping them and their friends trapped in a place that is a nightmarish paradise. If they had done actions that worked against the islanders' favor, by, for example nearly getting everyone killed by explosives at a party they are justifiably labelled a villian. But what if a character played in the middle? What if they were neutral? What if they simply wanted to let things play out- sticking to the sidelines and only becoming involved when the situation benifits their entertainment?

So, pardon me for the long intro, but here's the gist folks: q!Foolish arrested q!Pac e q!Mike and unknowingly put them through loads of emotional trauma that I don't think they'll be recovering from any time soon, for fun. To a person with a normal moral compass, that's obviously fucked up.

"Friends don't send friends to prison."

In q!Foolish's perspective, he REALLY didn't think the consequences of his actions through, but he wouldn't have arrested q!Pac e q!Mike for no reason. Mr. Mustard is missing and the Federation told q!Foolish that q!Pac e q!Mike were responsible for his disappearance. At this point, I think enough time has passed that we the audience know q!Foolish is being manipulated by the Federation. Even Foolish himself knows he's being manipulated by them, yet he still partakes in this precarious game because it's simply more entertaining than just sitting on the good side and letting things play out.

Q!Foolish has never actively gone out of his way to hurt people on purpose. Does he lack some emotional maturity and the appropriate response to some situations? Yes he does; but he doesn't have malicious intentions. He's there to have fun. Where others see a dire situation- at the mercy of the inescapable claws of a malevolent corporate entity, q!Foolish sees fun and exciting opportunities. The others might not want to admit it, but aside from the tragedies and kidnappings that have occured on the island, this nightmarish paradise has provided the characters with more excitement and enjoyment, than what is worth.

But, not everyone understands q!Foolish's perspective, and that's good! That's ok! But what I'm perplexed about is their constant unjust treatment of him- the exclusion, threats, torture, many many pointless accusations disguised as interrogations, etc- simply because he did one task for the Federation. One task that affected the lives of two people, but in the end both parties communicated and forgave each other anyways. One task that required q!Foolish, and by extension, q!Jaiden to harmlessly investigate around q!Pac and q!Mike's base for a considerably long time before finding nothing that would incriminate the duo. Throughout q!Foolish's endeavour, working with the Federation cost him most of his friends' trust and gave him no benifits, but he still reluctantly chooses to carry out another task because it's entertaining. But like q!Foolish said to q!Cellbit the other day, he may be stupid, but he's certainly not an idiot, and he has limits. A lot of people, specifically q!Max don't seem to understand the concept of a neutral party. If you work for the Federation, you are a villain- and honestly, that's a fair assumption considering their reputation. But what about people like q!Jaiden? Q!Jaiden, one of the kindest people on the island, who is compassionate to everyone, even Cucurucho, who is always perceived as a malicious entity?

What exactly defines a villain in this story? In my opinion, everyone on the island has a skewed sense of morality. Everyone except Elquackity knew of his first assasination and simply watched as he lost his first life, then celebrated when he lost the other with no regards to the repurcussions of their actions or how Elq felt about all this. And while we can justify their actions because Elq hurt people before, and either brainwashed or replaced q!Quackity, how do we justify their treatment of q!Foolish even after he communicated honestly to q!Pac e q!Mike and done nothing to deserve their maltreatment of him. Maybe I'm a bit impatient, but at this point, q!Foolish's arrest, has had the same value and impact as q!Bad giving people the survey for the Federation; I'm even more willing to believe that q!Cellbit's accidental "employee of the month" investigations benifitted the Federation more than whatever measly and repititive tasks they're giving out to q!Foolish.

So, what warrants all this hate and injustice towards q!Foolish then if he's not harming anyone? Why is he the punching bag? Why is he the butt if the joke Every Single Time? What warranted all the cruel jokes and malicious beatings after the Nether event? Is it because they know he won't exact revenge upon them? Is it because, in their eyes, they only value him as a court jester and nothing more? Q!Foolish even said the Nether, an obsolete dimension of fire and brimstone, offered more compassion and comfort than a world where the sun shone and the air was less polluted because the inhabitants, his "friends" treated him with more malevolence than literal souless monsters from hell itself.

Think about q!Jaiden- a person whose compassion broke through Cucurucho's souless programming and gave it a home, a sense of safety, and relaxation. Jaiden works (and apparently worked???) with the Federation, yet she has more kindness within her than an entire group of people, on the "good" side, fighting against evil.

The truth is, there is no bad side among the islanders. The admins (meta) wrote the Federation (and codes?) as entities that the collective group should be against- a common enemy. But once you "ally" yourself with the Federation and do tasks for them does that make you the common enemy as well, or do you need to commit more heinious acts to be considered a villain?

And what about the islanders? At what point do the rest of the players begin to consider a character on the wrong side of things? At what point do they begin to abandon compassion in favor of searching for the truth? How far will they go in pursuit of the truth?

In my opinion, there are no villains in the story because everyone is capable of becoming an antagonist in one way or another. Basically, EVERYONE is morally ambiqious because they have all been antagonists to each other at some point in the tale, and as the story keeps unfolding, who knows what could happen? A character might say they are a good person, but as the story changes, so do their values, their morals, their limits. How thin can someone's patience be before it inevitably snaps?

[lovelylittlelevity]

This is to the fans: I’m going to say this once for all and it’s that most of you guys are actually pretty big a-holes to the lovely levity team. These people aren’t professional game developers they’re a group of people making a game on a show they love and some of y’all are taking it as something really serious thing. These guys are making a game while your calling them narcissistic and just really bad stuff (please stop genuinely it can seriously damage someone ) may I remind you that their making this game for you!? I’m sick of seeing some of you be so rude it’s not even criticism if you thing calling them narcissistic or stupid it’s just pure hate. ekko, melody I don’t know if your reading this but if you are I hope you get better ❤️‍🩹 as for you guys grow up. Some of you guys think your such heroes like “oH mY gOd YoU aRe LiKe FcKiNg ChiLdReN hAhA lol CrInGe” shut up you aren’t the main character. (Sorry for me being rude I just got in a car crash and I’m feeling all these emotions)

Oh no, I hope you're okay now!! I really hope you weren't injured, anon, car crashes can be so dangerous :(

That being said I do appreciate your wanting to stick up for the team. We've been through a lot as a friend group, but we're committed to seeing this through, though of course we have decided that if things get too stressful we're not going to risk our health over it. Luckily things have been relatively quiet and peaceful these past few days (KNOCK ON WOOD KNOCK ON WOOD-).

Putting me opening up under a cut since it has to deal with cyberbulling and talking a tad about mental health pertaining to myself. Nothing too personal ofc but just in case!!

~ Melody

I guess I can open up a little bit about this... since I've been gone there have been people following me to every single blog I have, even ones I have never linked or posted anywhere to send me harrassment. On top of the severe upset surrounding the event of my leaving the blog and what happened in the subsequent months, it made it very hard for me to want to create. I made a side bog just for fun OC x Canon for me and my friends but someone found me within a matter of days and ran to my askbox trying to stir things up and claim I was trying to "hide my identity". I've begun getting my spark back and so I dedicated myself to working harder, even picking up the basics of coding to help lighten the load on Puppit's shoulders. Even then it's still a challenge.

Guess the point I'm making here is what others have said: Please don't jump someone or follow them across several blogs to send them harrassment telling them to kill themselves and calling them mental disabilities as if that's some kind of slur to be used rather than a genuine diagnosis that people struggle with. You don't know the full side of the story, and even then no one deserves to be treated like that even if you hate them. At the end of the day this is a silly little fangame made by fans for fans, it should not get so serious that you're actively hunting one of the devs down.

[mikaelasgraveyard]

hi ok i dropped ons a bit ago so i dont really know whats happening rn but. hands you a microphone. if you so wish please use this ask as an excuse to complain about the writing and describe what you wish would happen. bc when i did read it i love the characters and the dynamics in the earlier chapters and then the further i got the more it just. didnt click with me

HI YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET ASKIGNG,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OOAKAYOAOKAKY to begin. Major disclaimer i am a HUGE ons fan, genuinely i got into the series in 2015 and i am Still here and actively creatign shit for these dudes with a stupid ass poster right above my head as i type this. ...........Now. that fact goes hand in hand with the fact i fucking hate ons and most importantly i hate kagami takaya (the author).

AS YOU SAID. ons started out really strong with a super cool concept and the characters are likeable as HELL. which is so fun because as soon as you get further into ons, kagami decides to drop literally everything that made the story enjoyable and instead focus majorly and literally Only about the plot. its like he has this idea and he wants to get it through to us which most of the time is fine!!! but like he creates these awesome characters that get left in the fucking DUST.

HELL!! as of rn im pretty sure we haven't seen the rest of shinoa's squad (only mika and yuu) since last year!!!!!!!!!!!! AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON WHEREVER THE HELL NARUMI WENT!!!!!!!!!

literally the whole story is almost. half baked. that's how i'd describe it like. world building fucking sucks he like sets the table only to leave you starving with that shit. he's like "hey there's monsters in the ocean!!" only to never ever have the characters interact with the ocean. there's a whole page discussing the ocean and we never fucking go into the ocean. all of these characters have really interesting back stories and character motivations and ideals and YADDA YADDA and he just. its like he ?? gave up. with trying to do anything more than stupid comic relief dialogue and nailing in this whole idea of family and whatever the hell he jsut fucking left them to die!!! the last interesting chapter we had on how a character felt was like. idk 103. and we are at like 130 nwo its literally hell.

don't even get me started on the theme of found family that has been there from the very start. not only did it NEVER reach its potential but we straight up!!! don't get fucking ANYTHING other than what yuu goes with these days of like. "oh everyones family and can do no wrong . <3" and then you turn and there's kimizuki that's supposed to have betrayed everyone for his blood family (which he lost literally in minutes. it was so brushed over and not even emotionally investing WHICH IS A LOSS) BUT NEVER BECOMES A MAJOR CONFLICT WHERE IT COULD??? LIKE... IDK IF I WERE WRITING THE STORY I WOULD MAKE IT SO THAT THIS WHOLE IDEA OF FAMILY IS DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH. like. ESPECIALLY how shinoa squad is just . Told to be a family. by the military. and then they're basically only able to bond a little bit before mika is back and suddenly yuu and mika fuck off to do everything with hardly anymore group bonding which sucks it so sucks

THERES JUST. AHHH THERE'S SO MUCH LOST POTENTIAL IN TRYING TO MAKE A "cool" STORY!!! it ISN'T EVEN COOL ANYMORE!!!! there's just too much information unfolding all at once that has TERRIBLE pacing and it's like. impossible to fucking care about. there were literally dramatic gay angels that romeo and juliet'd their way to death but its NOT a big deal in the major public cause it was like. One chapter to care about them. Then boom they're dead. he sucks at this. all major reveals are rushed and pointless while other plot points earlier in the story are unresolved or just so painted over by other useless shit that they're unrecognizable now

sorry that's like. this has been all complaining and not more about what i wish would happen. what i wish Would've happened. which do not get me wrong i ALSO think a lot about that (<- would like to do a major fix it fic for the entirety of ons one day)

but what i wish wouldve happened? i wish we could've seen more of the squad interacting. i wish that they were friends worth dying for before mika and yuu reunited. i wish that we got to see mika and narumi integrating into the group instead of that whole 2 or 4 months where they were new just. being completely skipped. i wish that yuu and guren would fight for real, without yuu just being like "oh he's family im sure he is in the right somehow." i want him to beat and get beaten in return. to cry over it. to not understand and be misunderstood in return. i want him to be more than a one dimensional protagonist. we literally have the bones for something so great in him and all kagami is doing with it is just saying his soul is just a mika from millions of years ago.

iii . idont know. literally the only fleshed out relationship in this stupid series is mikayuu which like , Yaay. i guess. but also man i want to see the others. i want the girls to be written better. if i wrote the thing i'd have shinoa as a co-protagonist. because she is literally so fucking fundamentally important but just straight up every cool thing she ever could've amounted to is reduced to just. "little girl in love" which sucks. it sucks. it all sucks so much. she had like a fucking god inside her like since birth and the release of him was just over and done with. we got a sickass line where she goes "oh my body doesn't feel like mine anymore" . never expanded on. shes like fine now. she should be so fucked up she could be so fucked up and shes nottttt

anyways again i love ons. although i remake it in my head every day. i hope this answered your question somewhat i think i lost track

[riversofmars]

I see. Well I find companion support group absolutely amazing, been reading any fics on that especially ones with other companions being added but no one includes Grace Holloway. I asked someone else actively doing requests but turns out they haven't even seen the TV movie :( So was just wondering if you would be interested.

Alright, lovely Anon, here we are!! I really hope you like this, it ended up a lot longer than anticipated but it as a lot of fun and I don't do 'short', really, so XD

I hope you don't mind, I ended up combining two things: Grace's experience of visiting London and the support group and Liv's experience of staying in London post "Stranded". The two really compliment each other! Yes, somehow this turned into another Stranded Fix-It, sue me. Rating G, Length 7.3k, might be worth reading this one on AO3 rather than under the cut lol!

Hope you like it!

Missed Opportunities

Grace nearly turned around and walked away. It would have been a waste of a lot of money and holiday time but now that she was here, she simply felt stupid. "Here" was London. She had made the journey across the pond on nothing but a hunch and a memory. A memory that was over twenty years old. The average active working memory of a human was about ten years, she knew, things older tended to fade with the exception of deeply memorable events. After such a long time she couldn't be sure her memory was entirely accurate but things had certainly been... memorable. One mad New Year's Eve at the turn of the millennium...

Years later, whenever she spoke of it to anyone, they would make fun of her, assuming she'd simply had a bit too much to drink that night and ended in a vivid dream. Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly low, she almost believed that too. She rarely spoke of it now, to anyone. Most of the time, she didn't think about it at all anymore. She had carried on with her life, her career, had found love again and married, and things had been good... but there had always been that nagging feeling of a missed opportunity; of something amazing that she had allowed to slip through her fingers.

The Doctor. The Doctor and his mad blue box of tricks. The Master and his evil plan that they had foiled at the last moment. The Doctor's offer to see the universe with him. And the regret she felt for having turned him down. All but a distant dream.

At least until she had come across a social media post that struck too close to home. She hadn't even been thinking about the Doctor and New Year's 2000 at the time. She had been reading an article about the state of the UK's National Health Service and felt for her colleagues across the pond, but then, something in one of the comments on the article had given her pause. Things had spiralled from there. She had taken a deep dive into conspiracy theories, far removed from her scientific nature, and found an awful lot more than she had ever dreamed of.

And now she was in London, standing in front of what looked like a community centre with a support group advertised on the door. Of course it wasn't really a bereavement and loss counseling group - at least from what she had been able to find online. That was just a cover story. One could hardly advertise a meeting group for people who had once encountered a time travelling alien... and yet, she had made the jump across the pond with no other reason in mind. If it was a waste of her time, it would teach her not to trust things she found on the internet but if it wasn't... she had so many questions. Questions that had been weighing on her for over twenty years and if she could get answers to some of them, it would be well worth the trouble.

That, however, meant she had to take the plunge and actually go in.

Grace took a deep breath. She was a successful heart surgeon, accomplished and admired in every way, she could manage the task of walking inside a building, even taking the risk of making a fool of herself. What did she have to lose? No-one here knew her.

"Are you looking for something?" A voice drew her out of her internal conflict and made her jump.

"S-Sorry?" The surgeon stuttered, her head snapping around. She felt as if she had been caught red-handed, even if she knew she had done nothing wrong.

"It's just... you've been standing here a while." The voice belonged to a woman, slightly younger than Grace herself and significantly shorter, with shoulder-length brunette hair and bright eyes. Her brow had knitted into her curious frown as she approached.  

"Yeah I... I'm not sure I'm in the right place." Grace didn't know what to make of her. 

"You're not from around here, are you?" The brunette observed, tilting her head a little. "The accent," she clarified before the surgeon could muster a response. "I'm not either but I've been here a while now so... maybe I can help? What are you looking for?" It was a kind offer but Grace felt it wasn't one she could actually take her up on. That would have involved explaining why she was here...

"You'll laugh if I tell you," she tried to put her off and the other woman gave her a smile that did wonders to lighten her otherwise surly demeanour.

"I've heard it all. Don't worry," she gave back kindly and cast a glance towards the community centre. "What makes you come all this way from the US?"

"I-" Even if she had wanted to tell her, Grace wouldn't have known where to start. She was beginning to feel incredibly silly. "I'm sorry, this was a mistake, I don't know why I came here." She shook her head, looked up the road for a way out of the awkward situation. Her husband would laugh when he found out she had chickened out. He had been ever so supportive and encouraged her to go, hoping she would find some answers to the questions that had bothered her for the past twenty years. At least he believed her when so many others did not. He would be disappointed, surely, unless he had just indulged her all this time…

Grace turned to leave but then, the woman said something that made her stop dead in her tracks.

"You wouldn't happen to know a blue police box, would you?" She questioned and Grace whipped around.

"How do you-" She stared at her and the brunette grinned triumphantly.

"Thought as much," she chuckled and pulled a hand from her jumper, extending it. "I'm Liv Chenka."

Grace blinked, overwhelmed for a moment. If she knew about the police box it meant that- The surgeon wrestled her emotions back in check and quickly grasped her hand.

"Grace. Grace Holloway," she introduced herself and Liv smiled, almost knowingly.

"He's talked about you," she observed as she retreated her hand.

"What?"

"The Doctor," the brunette elaborated, her expression a picture of kindness. "We went to San Francisco once. 'Died and born again here' he said, of course we made him tell us about it," there was a certain wistfulness in her voice. "Lovely city, though I suppose we were there a bit before your time." Grace couldn't believe what she was hearing. Well, she could and she couldn't. It was utterly ridiculous. The woman in front of her insisted she had travelled in time with the person she had come to doubt ever existed. It was a lot to take in, almost more than she could comprehend, but the one thing that struck her, the one thing that stuck was: She hadn't made it up. The Doctor was real. And he was out there.

"So I-" She struggled for composure, tears of relief after years of nagging doubts and pent up tension threatened to overcome her.

"Are you okay?" Liv's expression turned to concern. She took a step closer but didn't seem to dare to reach out, not when Grace was visible trying to keep herself together.

"Yes... yes... I just... it's been twenty years... I thought perhaps..." She drew a deep breath and turned her gaze skywards to prevent her tears from falling. "I thought perhaps I had just made the whole thing up," she confessed at last.

"You haven't," Liv offered gently and didn't push for further explanation. Perhaps, Grace thought, if she knew the Doctor, she understood just what she was going through. "Do you want to come in?" The brunette offered and gestured towards the door of the community centre.

"I... I guess I should..." Grace remained hesitant. She followed her gaze. Where before, she had had doubts about why she was even here, she now found herself wondering if she had any place to be. She had met the Doctor only once whereas Liv seemed to know him better than that...

"Don't worry. We don't bite. Everyone's lovely and we all have stories to tell," Liv encouraged her, seemingly sensing her hesitation.

"So you... you travelled with him? Actually travelled in time?" Grace asked, feeling a twinge of jealousy at the notion, and the other woman nodded.

"I did, yeah, for a long time," she gave back and there was that wistfulness again. No, more than wistfulness. It was sadness. Sorrow.

"And now you're..." The surgeon wanted to ask more, even if it probably wasn't her place, but Liv interrupted her, gently, but decisively.

"Not," she clarified curtly. "We'll be late if we don't go in."

"Right, okay..." Grace nodded and Liv smiled before climbing the steps and holding the door open for her.

---

Grace wasn't sure what she had expected, but what she found was rather similar to the average AA meeting portrayed on TV. They were sitting in a circle on uncomfortable chairs with makeshift name tags and tea in paper cups. She usually would have preferred coffee over tea but since she was in the UK, she figured she ought to adapt. So she sipped the hot liquid and got absorbed in the task of assessing the people around the room. They were all sorts of ages, some older, some significantly younger than her. They had greeted her kindly and Grace had taken a seat next to Liv, accepting her unspoken offer of being her guide through it all.

The brunette had taken it upon herself to introduce her to everyone: A lovely elderly chap called Ian, a bubbly blonde by the name of Jo. Mel, a kind lady who had come to sit on her other side. There were Tegan and Ace and Kate... all pleasantly inquiring about her journey here... A young girl - Yaz - had greeted her eagerly, always happy to meet new people. And there were more: Graham, Ryan, Dan, Osgood, Martha, Gwen, Harry... Liv had explained that there were a lot more and that attendance fluctuated but already, Grace found herself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people the Doctor had encountered in one way or another.

"We have a new member," Graham announced, making Grace snap to attention. She hadn't expected to take an active role in proceedings, she would have been quite content to simply sit and listen, but it seemed that was not to be.

"I- Yes, I- When I found out about this group I thought I ought to-" She blushed a little, uncomfortable in the centre of attention. Where the Doctor was concerned, she was out of her depth.

"You've come a long way," Kate observed kindly.

"Yes. I met the Doctor in San Francisco over twenty years ago..." Grace said and found everyone listening intently, with kind smiles and genuine interest. No-one was doubting her. No-one was making fun of her. And everyone understood. It was a wonderfully freeing feeling and she felt encouraged for it. "Just the once and I-" She took a deep breath. "I don't have that much of a story to tell, it was one night. One mad night of adventure, dealing with the Master and… I guess I'm just glad to have confirmed that I didn't make up the whole thing." 

"Well, you are in good company," Ace smiled and Grace felt as though a great burden was lifted off her shoulders at last. 

"It's difficult when no-one else understands... but we do. We've all been there, love," Jo said, seemingly sensing her emotional state.

"Thank you, that- that actually means a lot," Grace nodded gratefully and managed a small smile of her own while everyone beamed at her.

"It means a lot to all of us," Yaz replied. " The Doctor means a lot to all of us and being able to share our adventures, even if they're over... whether they were a big or a small part of our lives, we were all changed by it. We learned that there was so much more in the universe and that's such a wonderful gift." Her words betrayed a wisdom Grace wouldn't have thought someone as young as her capable of and her words shone with such affection, it was lovely to hear and lifted the surgeon's spirits more than she had thought possible. Perhaps she really had done the right thing by making the trip.

"The journey never ends," Tegan hummed in agreement and Yaz nodded.

"It doesn't," she agreed. "And we may see them again. Or we may not and that's also... fine..." It was obvious that the latter was something Yaz struggled voicing but she managed it. "But we're all connected by that wonderful, wondrous thing and that's something so special."

Grace found herself nodding, her heart a little lighter, even as she noticed Liv slumping in her chair beside her. Before she had a chance to enquire or wonder about the heaviness of her demeanour, Osgood demanded Grace's attention.

"What was your Doctor like? What did he look like? Where does he fit in?" She asked eagerly.

"Well, he... he was this little man before, he had been shot and... I was operating on him but he had two hearts!" Grace recalled, unpleasantly reminded by her failure to save his life back then.

"That can be quite confusing," Martha chuckled.

"I think I may have... killed him... by accident," Grace confessed, mortified by the whole experience.

"Let's just assume it was the gunshot wounds," Kate interjected.

"But then he came back. With a younger face and dark curls. He was quite dashing," the surgeon continued and a smile came to her lips as the memories took shape in her mind.

"Oh, that's him, alright," Liv hummed beside her. "Fairly certain we know the same Doctor. 

"So how many are there?" Grace asked, curious beyond belief by this point.

"Well, that's quite the difficult question," Osgood adjusted the glasses on her nose, obviously ready to launch into lengthy explanation but Mel interrupted:

"I remember his blonde curls..." she smiled fondly.

"I have met a fair few, it's quite the change every time," Kate carried on and Yaz shook her head, bemused:

"I always struggle to imagine her as a bloke!"

"Imagine our surprise!" Tegan shot back and the room descended into laughter, all except for Liv, as Grace noted with curiosity and concern. Something seemed to be weighing heavily on her and the surgeon wasn't sure whether if it was any of her business to try to figure out what it was. The brunette had been so kind to offer her help tomake this big step that meant so much to her, she would gladly return the favour.

"This is an awful lot to wrap your head around..." She stated, once the laughter had died down. "I never expected all this... it's more than I could have hoped for." And it really was. After over twenty years, she finally felt understood.

"You're one of us, Grace, feel free to dial in any time. I imagine making the trip would be quite the expense every time, what, without a TARDIS," Graham offered kindly.

"Thank you. Thank you all so very much, it just... thank you. It's wonderful to be surrounded by people that understand," she nodded gratefully, regarding each and every one of them with a smile.

"Oh boy, do we understand," Jo grinned. "Let me tell you about the time-"

---

When the meeting concluded, Grace felt it had been over far too quickly. As she said her goodbyes, it didn't feel like an end though, it felt like the beginning of many wonderful friendships and she couldn't be happier. With numbers and email addresses exchanged, she felt like she was well set up for the future. She would have stayed longer, chatting some more, if she hadn't noticed Liv making for the exit all by herself.

Grace quickly said her final goodbyes and rushed after her.

"Where are you going now?" She inquired boldly once she caught up with her outside.

"Just... home, I guess..." Liv answered slowly, surprised to have been followed.

"Do you want to grab a coffee? I haven't really got anything else planned and I- we didn't get to talk much," she observed and it was true. Everyone had spoken at length about their time with the Doctor, answered Grace's questions and shared their experiences. Liv, however, had remained pensive through most of it.

"Sure... why not..." The brunette shrugged and forced a smile. Her demeanour seemed changed to before the meeting, almost as if the event had taken a lot out of her. Perhaps it had... Grace was determined to find out as they headed towards a Costa Coffee across the road.

“You said you weren’t from around here?” Grace made a bold opening once they were seated, eager to find out more about her and thus, perhaps, learn what was bothering her. “Where is home for you?”

“Kaldor,” Liv answered simply and when it became obvious that Grace was at a bit of a loss, she elaborated: “A different planet.”

“Wow, that’s…” the surgeon didn’t know what to say to that and the brunette smiled, though the joy didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Been here a while now…” 

“Must be quite the change,” Grace observed and Liv gave a little shrug with her eyes angled down, watching her coffee splash up the sides of her mug as she stirred it.

“You could say that,” she hummed and Grace decided to take the plunge.

"If you don't mind me asking... you don't seem... happy... here,” she stated gently as that much was blindingly obvious. 

"I'm not," Liv shrugged nonchalantly and the surgeon was taken aback by her candour. It seemed as though she didn't see a need in pretending otherwise.

"Then why..." Grace wasn't sure how to phrase her question. What she wanted to ask was ‘Why would you stop travelling with the Doctor if you miss it so much’ but she couldn't very well say that, could she? Fortunately, Liv elaborated without her having to enquire.

"I... made a mistake... asked the Doctor to leave me here and I shouldn't have... now it's too late," she explained bitterly and indignantly dropped her spoon onto the saucer.

"You can't... you can't call him or-" Grace wasn't sure how the whole thing worked. Her experience was rather limited but she felt she ought to say something like it. 

"Doesn't work like that," Liv hummed miserably. "I wish I-" She took a deep breath but caught herself before saying any more. "You don't need to hear this." She shook her head and gave her a sad smile before she took a sip of her drink.

"I turned him down," Grace blurted out, voicing something she had purposefully not mentioned at the meeting and had had no intention of sharing with anyone, but suddenly she felt like she needed to. "The Doctor," she clarified when Liv raised her eyebrows at her. "He said I could come with him but I... didn't."

"And you regret it," the brunette observed with a knowing smile.

"A bit... maybe... I don't know. We had a mad adventure and that was quite the experience but I had a life... I still do. And I'm happy. Sometimes I just wonder what else there could have been," she gave a small shrug and awkward smile.

"A hell of a lot, is what. But if you're happy, that's not a bad place to be," Liv hummed after brief consideration. "Life with the Doctor is brilliant but also... it's not fulfilling in the same way. He's just... he's a mad dream. And he changes, as you've heard. He doesn't tie himself to one person or one companion or- Times change. He changes. Nothing is forever when you're with the Doctor," she gave a bitter laugh and Grace's heart went out to her. While she was lacking a lot of pieces to the puzzle, her pain was more than obvious. Liv dropped her eyes, taking keen interest in her coffee again as she fiddled with a napkin. "That concept of lasting happiness and fulfillment... that thing that humans need... you can't find that in him. You find that in-"

"Another human?" Grace offered as suddenly, the penny dropped.

"For instance, yeah," Liv mumbled and they way her shoulders slumped and she wiped her eyes awkwardly, told the surgeon everything she needed to know.

"So you weren't alone when you travelled with him? There was someone else?" She deduced. "Earlier when you said about visiting San Francisco, you said 'we made him tell us'."

"You are observant," Liv mumbled and Grace smiled:

"I'm a doctor, I have an eye for detail."

"I'm a doctor too, actually... well, a med-tech..." the brunette replied after a brief pause of heavy silence.

"You are?" Grace's eyebrows shot up, curious and eager to learn every detail she was willing to share.

"Yeah. In the future, in the 30 th century, which is where I'm from, medical professionals are called med-techs," she explained.

"30 th century?!" Grace gaped and Liv gave a little chuckle, a momentary reprieve from the heaviness that seemed to engulf her.

"So you can imagine 21 st century medicine is just not for me... I miss practising... I miss working..." She sunk into herself once more. "One of the many disappointments..."

"Why did you ask to stay here? If you don't mind my asking," Grace decided to brave the question. She was sure the other woman would simply refuse her if she pushed too far. She seemed like the sort of person that would.

"I... I met someone here," Liv answered after a moment of deliberation in which she seemed to be weighing her options. In the end, she appeared to settle on letting her in and Grace thought that maybe, Liv, too, needed someone to understand her. "We were stranded for a while in 2020 when the TARDIS wasn't working and... things were going well, I thought it would... it was nice, good, for a while but it didn't last. There was just too much that made me unhappy here. The fact I couldn't work. Knowing I would never see my sister again... Missing my-" Liv broke off and Grace thought she knew where she was going.

"The other person that was travelling with you?"

"Sometimes you just can't see what's right in front of you, can you..." the med-tech gave a sad smile.

"I'm sorry," Grace offered as there wasn't much else she could say. What was there to say? She knew all about missed opportunities...

"Me too," Liv took a deep breath. "But what's done is done, I'm stuck here now and... What about you? Sounds like you made the right decision staying here. New isn't always better," she seemed eager to change the topic.

"I still would have liked to see some of the universe, I think..." the surgeon answered softly.

"Who knows... maybe he'll pop by eventually and you can ask for a little trip. If he does, you better call me though so he can-" Liv stopped herself once more, apparently unwilling to indulge the hope that she didn't seem to have anymore.

"There must be something you can do," Grace reached out across the table for Liv's hand and gave it a squeeze of comfort. "You can't just... I mean, what do you do? If you can't work, if you-" She didn't want her to give up. It simply felt wrong. For someone to be stuck in the wrong time, the wrong place, all alone. She wished there was something she could do to help.

"Sit at home, mostly, dream about the stars... I mean, I can do some things... UNIT... this top secret government organisation that Kate Stewart runs? I help them every now and then with technology, freelance, sort of... but it's... when I get home, I'm still all alone," Liv confessed miserably. "And Tania- that's who I was with, who I stayed for... She's lovely. She still tries to be a friend to me but it's... it's not fair on her and I don't want to be a burden, I just want-" Tears welled up in her expressive eyes.

"Your other friend back?" Grace made an educated guess. "It's not really about the Doctor, is it?"

"Yeah..." Liv mumbled and a thought struck the surgeon.

"Have you told anyone else?" She questioned, considering the effort it had taken to get the truth out of the med-tech.

"What do you mean?" Liv frowned.

"The rest of the group? You were there but you... well, everyone had something to say but you didn't," Grace observed. Everybody had been so eager in their response, so kind, Grace couldn't imagine they wouldn't want to help Liv as well if she had said what was weighing on her.

"I've told them about my adventures with the Doctor," the med-tech answered, almost defensively.

"But have you told them about this? That you want to find a way to get back to them?" Grace wasn't dissuaded.

"They don't need to hear about my heartbreak," Liv huffed.

"Maybe they do. Maybe someone has a way to, I don't know, reach out?" The surgeon carried on. "Unless you tell them that you need help, that you're unhappy, they won't think to offer it."

"I suppose..." the med-tech mumbled.

"What about that technology that you were talking about? From UNIT? Could you not-" She was stabbing in the dark now. She had no idea what it took to reach out to the Doctor but surely with all the expertise gathered in that community centre, they could work something out. The other former companions all seemed to have closure, Liv, however...

"What's the use... why would they take me back after I walked away?" The med-tech huffed and Grace felt she was getting closer to the root course of it all.

"So the reason is not that you couldn't reach out, it's that you won't," she deduced and Liv couldn't muster a response. She simply looked incredibly guilty and it was all the confirmation Grace needed so she carried on: "I mean, I'm a heart surgeon, not a psychiatrist but... maybe forgive yourself for your mistake, be ready to admit to it and... try. Just try. Else you will regret it for the rest of your life." That was something she could attest to and Liv easily picked up on it too:

"Like you're regretting not going with the Doctor?"

"A missed opportunity, yes..." she admitted with a wistful smile. "Perhaps we could... both... just... try. See what happens. And if nothing comes of it at least we can say we tried."

"Are you hoping I can get you a meeting with the Doctor?" Liv raised her eyebrows and her lips curled into a smile that blew away the heaviness of the moment. It felt as though they were coming out the other side at last.

"Maybe..." Grace gave a sheepish grin as well as she felt the atmosphere around them lighten with a sudden rush of excitement and optimism. Perhaps it was false hope but what if it wasn't… It was the sort of closure she felt she needed after everything and well, her new friend stood a lot more to gain.

"Bit cheeky, isn't it? Bit selfish," Liv grinned, amused.

"It would mean reuniting you with your friend, too," Grace reminded her and Liv didn't seem able to argue with that. Instead she confessed:

"I left because I didn't think Helen would ever feel the same way about me as I did for her and I thought at least with Tania, I could find some measure of contentment."

"But you didn't," Grace deduced, understanding at last with all the cards on the table.

"I didn't," Liv admitted sorrowfully.

"Does it matter how Helen feels about you?" Grace asked tentatively. Without knowing any of the women in question, it was difficult to judge the situation. The best she could hope for was that Liv would explain in greater detail.

"She's likely angry..." the med-tech mumbled, hanging her head. "She didn't want me to leave but she also didn't- I wanted her to say something, for her to admit that- if-" she gestured vaguely at nothing at all and Grace understood anyway. "I shouldn't have pushed, I should have been happy to just have her in my life in whatever capacity and not been so selfish." She gnawed her bottom lip anxiously. "I don't know if she'd forgive me."

"Surely it's worth a shot," the surgeon offered gently. "I think you've punished yourself enough."

"Do you... do you really think so?" Liv sounded ever so insecure as she looked up to her and Grace smiled:

"If you have a way to contact them, if you have that opportunity... don't miss it."

"Come on then," Liv jumped to her feet, releasing her hand and abandoning her coffee.

"Where are we going?" Grace frowned, confused.

"My place. And I'm warning you now, it's a state." She barely looked back as she spoke, making for the door.

"And what-" The surgeon scrambled to grab her handbag and downed the rest of her coffee in one go.

"I've built something... I signalling device... with bits and pieces I took from UNIT. I just haven't..." Liv waved for her to come along and she did.

"Why not?" Grace couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I didn't think it was a good idea, I didn't think I..." Liv let her voice trail off as she left the coffee shop. Once out in the fresh air, the med-tech took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts and her emotions before she squared her jaw and made a decision: "But you're right, I just need to take the plunge and- and even if Helen doesn't want me there, at least I can ask the Doctor to take me to Kaldor where my sister is... at least there I can work and have an actual life..."

"That sounds like a good idea," Grace agreed, it made a lot of sense and she was swept up in her excitement as they hurried up the street.

"Besides... you came all this way to London, can't have you waste another opportunity," Liv grinned, casting a sideways glance at her.

"Thank you," the surgeon gave a weak smile as well.

"Don't thank me yet. I don't even know if it'll work. Or if the right Doctor will turn up, or-" Liv fixed her eyes forward once more.

"But at least we will have tried," Grave interjected and the med-tech nodded in agreement:

"At least we will have tried." That's all any of them could do.

---

"This is..." Grace didn't really have words to describe the state of her new friend's flat at 107 Baker Street. 'Mess' was probably the most accurate term. Dishes were stacked high. The place could do with a good hoover and dusting. There was stuff everywhere. She didn't need to be a psychiatrist to spot the symptoms of depression littered around the place.

"I did tell you not to expect too much," Liv didn't pay much attention to her, she marched over to a shelf. "Now let me just..." 

What struck Grace was how empty the place seemed once you looked past the mess. There wasn't much in the way of personal effects, just a few books and dvds here and there but otherwise, not much filled the empty space and empty life... One thing she spotted as she wandered over to the sofa was a stack of photos. They lay spread over the setteegb and coffee table, some had even dropped to the floor. They were snapshots as one might take with their phone and they featured three people again and again. Liv, of course, was in many of them and there was the Doctor. Grace recognised him immediately even if his wardrobe was a little less extravagant and his hair had had a cut. His smile was as radiant as ever. There was a second woman too. A blonde with a bright smile and kind eyes. It didn't take a genius to work out that this was Helen. She was in almost every picture, the obvious object of adoration of the photographer.

"These are lovely pictures," Grace observed as she picked one from the pile in which the three of them were beaming at the camera while eating ice cream.

"It's... it's all I have of them," Liv answered in a small voice and blushed self-consciously.

"It's definitely him," the surgeon pointed out the Doctor and Liv nodded as she made her way over, carrying a small device unlike anything Grace had ever seen before.

"Good," the med-tech smiled as she set it down on the coffee table. “That should make things easier if this does work…”

"And this is Helen I take it?" Grace asked, pointing out the blonde in the picture and the way Liv's face lit up told her everything she needed to know.

"Yeah..." She reached out and took the picture, brushing her thumb across the surface before gathering the pile together. Grace noticed the way in which some pictures had creased and others bore tear stains... she hoped they would succeed in their endeavour. "Here we are..." Liv turned to the device on the coffee table.

"Are you okay?" The surgeon asked and received an absent-minded nod. There clearly was a lot going on in the other woman's mind.

"Yeah..." She confirmed nonetheless and took a deep breath.

"Maybe run a brush through your hair," Grace joked to stop her overthinking and it worked.

"OI!" Liv exclaimed, affronted and amused but before she could put up a defense a voice sounded from the other side of the room.

"Bit late for that."

Both women whirled around and there, in the doorway to the kitchen, stood the Doctor, regarding both of them with a kind smile.

"Doctor?!" Liv found her voice first and exclaimed. Her eyes shot in between her device and the Time Lord and back again. She hadn't even activated it yet! "How did you- when?!"

"Been here a while... you really did let this place go. That'll teach me entrusting you with my things," he mused, scanning the room with keen eyes. Finally, his attention turned to Grace and he smiled: "Hello Grace," he stated simply and the surgeon was stunned into silence.

"What?! How?!" Liv continued raging while Grace just about managed a small smile of greeting:

"Doctor."

"I haven't even..." Liv pointed at the device and the Doctor chuckled.

"I've had a message from UNIT, as it happens," he revealed and his expression turned more serious as he regarded his friend with concern: "Messages of concern. Someone called Kate Stewart? And from Tania too..."

"I-" Liv didn't seem to know what to say and Grace felt validated in her previous assessment. Of course the others had wanted to help and Liv's state of being had not gone unnoticed.

"But I see you have found lovely company," the Doctor observed with a smile to Grace who still didn't really know what to say or do. Liv, meanwhile, seemed to be pulling herself together and realise what was truly important now:

"Doctor, where is..." She didn't get to finish her question. Helen appeared beside the Doctor.

"Hello Liv," the blonde spoke softly, insecurely.

"Helen!" At that, Liv lost all remaining inhibitions. She rushed forward, closed the short space between them, and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"And you, Grace? Here of all places? How have you been?" The Doctor turned from the display of affection, pure and heart-warming as Liv mumbled apologies and Helen held on to her tightly, evidently more than happy to forget all about it. Grace's attention snapped to the Doctor.

"I-" She had had so many questions, so many things she'd wanted to say but now that it came to it, she couldn't phrase any of them and instead, chose to devote her attention to the lovely reunion they were witness to. 

"Helen, I'm so sorry, I should never have-" Liv pulled away and brushed tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry, please forgive me, it was a mistake," she pleaded. "All I wanted was for you to- But it doesn't matter. I don't need any of that, I just need you back in my life and I-" Her words spilled out of her like a waterfall and it seemed Helen had heard more than enough already.

"Liv, shut up," she whispered, her voice heavy with tears of her own. And she silenced her with a kiss. Grace wanted to cheer but she settled for a content smile, one the Doctor shared. Helen pulled back and took Liv's face in her hands. The med-tech stood petrified gaping in surprise and wonder, and Helen elaborated: "I'm sorry too. I should have just... spared us both a lot of heartbreak." She brushed her thumbs over her cheeks affectionately, catching her tears.

"So you'll take me back, you'll-" Liv stuttered insecurely and Helen smiled, just as self-consciously:

"If you'll have me."

"Shall we carry this on in the TARDIS?" The Doctor interrupted before she could meet in another kiss. He ushered them along into the kitchen, then turned to look back: "Come along, Grace."

"I-" The surgeon didn't know what to say. She didn't feel like she had a place here, she didn't want to intrude but the Doctor was insistent:

"Come on. Someone else will have to clean up this mess... might call a removal company..." She looked around the place, wrinkling his nose.

"OI!" Liv exclaimed and he grinned:

"There's that snarky med-tech I've been missing."

"We were just about to call you, actually..." Grace decided to explain as she caught up with them. They weren't going far. The TARDIS was standing in the middle of the kitchen and the Doctor opened the door for them.

"So timing couldn't have been any better," he observed joyfully as they stepped inside. "Tea! Where are my manners, would you like some? Helen, Liv? Would you mind?"

"Not at all," Helen smiled and grabbed Liv's hand to lead her away, further into the TARDIS as Grace remained with the Doctor.

"Don't get lost on the way! Straight to the kitchen! Time for everything else later!" He called after them, then devoted his attention to Grace who was looking around the console room. It had changed since she had last seen it twenty-odd years ago but some things remained the same. She couldn't believe she still recognised them after all that time... it was even bigger than she remembered... "It's been a while," the Doctor observed as if he had read her thoughts.

"Yes... yes, I suppose it has," she answered softly, still taking in the wonders of it all.

"How have you been?" He asked and her attention snapped back to him.

"Good, I- yeah, I've been good," she answered at last, shaking her head free of the distractions. "Married. Working. I've been involved in some fascinating research of- But you don't need to hear that. Of course. That's all in the past for you." She realised how utterly small and insignificant it had to appear to him. It gave her pause.

"But I do! I do! I want to hear all about your life, your accomplishments, your adventures," he encouraged her enthusiastically  and she wanted to believe him.

"Hardly adventures. Not like yours," she answered, trying her best not to sound jealous.

"Why not? Every day is an adventure, you step in front of your door and never know where the path will lead you," he beamed.

"Just like you step out of your blue box and you never know where you end up?" She asked and he nodded.

"I suppose so, yes." And then he added more seriously: "Not every adventure is about saving the universe."

"I regret it," Grace gave a soft smile.

"What?" He frowned in response and she explained:

"That I didn't come with you. Not all the time. Not when I think about what I have and what I have accomplished, I'm happy but- there is always that little nagging voice of 'what if'..." her voice trailed off and the Doctor took advantage to fill the space with words of his own:

"I'm proud of you. For what you have done. What you have accomplished. And I'm ever so glad to know you," he took a step closer to her. "Maybe we missed a trick, you and me, but also, maybe, it was always meant to be this way."

"You seem to have so many wonderful friends," Grace thought back to the group she had met only hours ago and she wasn't sure whether to be jealous that she never got as much time with him as they had, or to be glad to be counted among them. 

"I have. And you're one of them," the Doctor spoke to the latter but she couldn't quite accept or believe it.

"Hardly compares, one night of adventure versus years of shared experiences, shared..."

"That doesn't make it any less significant," the Doctor interrupted. "Besides, the journey is never over." At that, Liv and Helen returned. Helen was carrying a tray of cups and Liv a pot of tea and a tray of biscuits.

"How do you take your tea, Grace? Do Americans drink tea?" Helen asked kindly as she set the china down on a small table in between some armchairs. 

"Where would you like to go?" The Doctor posed an altogether more intriguing question.

"What?" Grace had been good and ready to answer Helen but the Doctor's words interrupted her train of thought.

"If you could go anywhere in time and space. I have nothing else on," he shrugged and looked to his other friends. "I have put right a great wrong, everything else for today is just... fun."

"You're not serious," Grace couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I imagine Liv and Helen will want some time to themselves so how about it? You pick a destination and we have a little adventure," he beamed and gave a dismissive wave to his companions. "They can get up to whatever they want to get up to in private-"

"Doctor!" Liv scowled and Helen blushed but the Time Lord didn't pay attention to either.

"-and we explore."

"Anywhere? In space and time?" Grace asked, her voice more shaky than she would have liked and the Doctor nodded enthusiastically.

"And I can have you back here in an instant. Maybe not here... wouldn't want to put you through that again. But I can take you home after," he offered.

"Go on, Grace. You deserve this. Don't waste more time on indecision. No more missed opportunities," Liv smiled at her as she grabbed Helen's hand. The blonde smiled in agreement:

"No more missed chances."

Grace couldn't help but smile too. Liv's demeanour was completely changed. Where she had been muted, pensive and surly before, joy now shone from every aspect of her being. It was lovely to see and the same joy and hope radiated off her lovely companion too. It seemed as though the time in between had been washed away without a trace.

"We can't turn back the clock but we can carry on where we left off. All of us," the Doctor observed and Liv nodded:

"I'd like that."

"Me too," Helen agreed and they all turned their attention to Grace, awaiting her decision.

"Just one trip!" She exclaimed at last. "I have to- and nothing too dangerous, I have patients relying on me and my husband-" A world of possibilities opened up in front of her and while she didn't want to spend her life in the stars as some did, she at least wanted to see what was out there.

"You will be back before you know it," the Doctor promised kindly. "So what do you say? Come with me? With us?"

"Yes. This time, I'll say yes," Grace grinned.

[fictional-character-whore]

CHAPTER 1 

SUMMARY - Lydia Lupis had lived a terrible 14 years of life. She went to a school full of drug dealing thieves and gangs, lived in a shitty neighbourhood, had parents that didn't even give a shit about her to come home and a brother that treated her like absolute trash. The only half decent thing in her life was a stupid camp - Camp Rim of the World. Her brother Conrad gad a job there but instead of actually doing it, he just snogged any girl he could find, leaving Lydia to do his job for him. Lydia was never that much of a social person and usually spent most of her time at the camp either working or in her own cabin reading. Lydia expected these school holidays to be the same as every other, but what she didn't know was that these holidays were going to change her life. Aliens were taking over planet earth and after following three kids into the woods and meeting a strange boy, the fate of the world somehow rest in their hands. With her new found friends will they be able to save the world before humanity becomes extinct and will a curtain strange boy steal Lydia's heart or smash it into a million pieces?

WARNINGS - i wrote this story years ago so i can’t remember exactly what’s in this but let me know if i miss anything! swearing, mentions of abuse, mentions of parental neglect, mild violence and threatenings, use of weapons, blood?, mega freaking cringe read at your own risk lol

"Wake up Bitch! The campers are arriving!"

My eyes snapped open to the sound of my brother's booming voice and his fist bashing against the door of my cabin.

I sighed and got out of bed to opened the door, almost getting hit in the head by my brother's fist.

"Fuck man, could you at least give me another twenty minutes of sleep? I couldn't sleep last night with all the noise coming from your gay party last night," I said with a scowl on my sleepy face.

"Tough luck shit head, the campers are about to start showing up in about half an hour so if I were you I would get my shit done before they get here and trash the place," he said while walking away.

"Whatever..." I closed the door and went back to bed.

My brother Conrad and I have been living at the camping grounds of Camp Rim of the World for the past few days, helping set up the camp for the holidays. He worked here as one of the camp instructors and since I didn't really have anywhere else to go when he was at work I just with him.

The first few times staying here were fun but after a while it got pretty boring, but it was always fun watching the newbies get scared doing some of the activities.

I got along with most of the workers and the kids my age but I never got too close to anyone because after having the kind of childhood I've had, I learnt that you can never trusted anyone but yourself. So I kind of isolated myself from the group of kids and did my own thing or helped out around the camp.

But sometimes coming here was a relief because being at school and home wasn't always great. The school I go to is full of fucking assholes that sell drugs, drink and do a tone of other fuckin' fucked up shit. Everyone had some kind of weapon on them because you never knew when someone was going to attack you and you never had anything precious on you in case someone stole it.

Throughout my high school years, I learned that the school was split into three main gangs and if you weren't apart of one, you got beat up, stolen from and sometimes killed. Being in a gang was really the only way to have protection and some kind of security and safety at school. When you're in a gang you look after one another, you stick together and back each other up if someone's in trouble. You were basically family in a weird and violent way.

But the higher rank in a gang you were, the more power and protection you had. When a new school year started and the grade twelves left and the grade sevens came, a new leader was picked, that is if the leader had left. When the new kids arrived they had to do trials if they wanted to be apart of a gang and if they made the trials they had to prove their loyalty by completing a task given to them by the gang leader. It was very rare for a grade seven or eight kid to get a high rank really quickly or easily because most of the time they still have to prove their loyalty because with their young and experienced minds they can easily change their minds and leave their gang for another.

I was a grade eighter but I was trusted by my gang and had a high rank by the time I reached the middle of grade seven. I had power and skills that my gang use to their advantage and after some training I became their assassin.

Home wasn't much better either.

We lived in a shitty neighbourhood full of shitty people and shit. Mum and Dad were barely ever home and I had to basically live by myself with Conrad.

My brother was a selfish piece of shit that didn't give two fucks about me so it was technically just me living, surviving defending for myself.

I had learnt how to shoot a gun at the age of seven, how to fight with knives, how to pickpocket anyone that walked past me, how to sell drugs for money but obviously not take them and how to defend myself and hide when necessary. I had learnt how to survive and it's probably not your ideal idea of a great childhood but it was life and I just had to get though it until I could leave.

The sound of tires on the dirt road and the screech of brakes made me open my eyes and groan.

I got up and went to my wardrobe to get dressed. Unlike most girls I didn't like the shit that they wear. I mean who wants to wear something that covers half their ass and a quarter of their tits? Honestly, you might as well go fucking naked.

But sometimes I liked to mix things up a bit, especially if I'm feeling convergent or sexy.

I grabbed my tight black strapped top and placed favourite red flannel shirt over my shoulders, leaving it unbuttoned, then some not too short black jean shorts. I tied my black bandanna around my head which kept my short shoulder length dirty blonde hair out of my face. I tied my spiked choker around my neck and my chain bracelets to my wrists, I put my sunnies on and slipped my black converse onto my feet, walking out of my cabin and out into the sunlight.

As I closed the door and walked down the pathway towards the dining hall, I could hear more cars pulling up and the sounds of kids talking, screaming and running around.

I've never really liked people, even before most of my crappy childhood. They just never really seemed very nice, real or important. From what I've seen, most kids my age (which is 14) are not really the friendly type. They bully and pick on other kids and they're all selfish, self-centred and fake. But I was fine without them, I didn't need anyone. Never have and never will.

As I reached the dining hall I saw a familiar black man hanging out the window waving to me. I smiled and walked over to the window he was at.

"Hey there Polar Bear! Did you finally decide to come out of your cave and join society?" Logan the camp leader asked me.

"No I came to restock on food for my next hibernation," I smirked at him.

Logan was an idiot, a funny and nice idiot but still an idiot.

"Haha well you better stock up quick because by the time half the campers get here there's probably going be nothing left."

"What a shame, I'll just have to go hunting then if that's the case."

"Woah there polar bear! No need to get violent, we can learn to share can't we?"

"You'll just have to wait and find out."

"I don't think I want to find out." He said closing the window laughing.

I chuckled and entered the dining hall.

I went into the kitchen and buttered some bread to eat. As I exited the kitchen I saw a bunch of campers lining up at the registration tables to get there cabin numbers and hand in their phones and stuff.

I saw a guy standing in front Lucy, one of the camp workers that was currently collecting kid's phones. He looked like some rich kid who's never gone outside before. He had two chain necklaces around his neck and a gold loop earring in his right ear. But the thing that weirded me out the most was his clothes. It looked like he was wearing fucking silk pyjamas, I mean who the fuck in their right mind wears pyjamas to a camp? This kid has obviously never been to camp before, let alone outside a city. But I've seen him around before in some previous camps and I've tried my hardest to avoid him and others like that and so far have been successful, but lets not get my hopes up that it'll be that same this camp.

I saw that the pj kid and Lucy were having a conversation that had suddenly turned dark and Lucy looked like she was ready to slap him in the face.

This guy was obviously a pain in the ass.

I walked out of the dining hall and over to the zip-line where I was posted to work today or more like my brother was posted to work. I didn't technically have a job at the camp but since my brother didn't really do anything but snog girls, I kind of just showed up and did it for him.

When I got to the zip line area there was a big group of kids hanging around the tower of the zip line talking about how awesome and fun it looked so I assumed that they were all newbies. I grinned and told them to buggar off until the zip line opened. Once they were gone I started to set it all up.

About twenty minutes later Logan showed up with the pj kid that I saw in the dining hall trailing behind him talking up a storm.

Great now this kid was a one of those kids that hung out with the adults because they thought they were too cool to hang out with the other 'lame' kids.

When Logan saw me he smiled and started walking a little faster.

"Hey there Polar Bear! Did you decide to skip hibernation this winter?" He asked me.

"I've considered enjoying this winter without sleeping throughout the whole time. And besides, someone's gotta do Conrad's job for him," I said.

"Well you should tell him to get his head out of his ass and do his job instead of his sister doing it for him," he joked back.

"Isn't that your job though?" I said with a grin.

"Yeah I guess but you're his sister and you know how scared I am of his big man titties and that gorgeous blonde mullet of his," He said while making a fake scared expression on his face.

I chuckled and shoved him towards the ladder that led up to the zip line, "get up there you dork."

"Alright, alright. Dariush, are you coming?" Logan asked from the first few steps of the ladder.

I turned back around and saw the kid staring at me, mouth open and what looked to be a bit of drool hanging from the corner of his lips. I cringed in disgust, "you're gonna have a broken nose and ribs in the next few minutes if you don't fuck off right now buddy."

He suddenly stood up straight and wiped the drool from his face, he put a confident smirk on his face as he walked over to me like he hadn't heard a single word that came out of my mouth. , "hello gorgeous," he said as he reached for my hand but before he could I grabbed his shoulder and brought my knee up straight into his chest, feeling the soft material of his clothes while also feeling his ribs snap like a twigs.

His grabbed at his chest but before he could do anything else I grabbed his hair yanked his face upwards and punched him square in the face sending him flying backwards towards the ground. He fell to the ground and curled in on himself, grabbing at his ribs in pain while making weird squeaking noises like a mouse.

Logan started laughing like a maniac as he climbed down the ladder and went to see if his friend was alright.

"I warned you kid but you didn't listen, you didn't fuck off, and little things like that are gonna get you hurt just like it did now. So next time I encourage you to just fuck off when told to."

With that I crossed my arms and went over to the line of kids waiting for a zip line ride. After watching what happen to the pj kid they were all a little scared of me and kept their respectful distance away. I didn't mind though, it was nice to know that I had some power over them.

We were an hour in and had about thirty three kids go on the zip line. The next kid that was going on had red hair and a tone of freckles. He was small and looked scared, and not just scared of me.

After I got him suited up and ready to climb the tower he began to shake a bit and I could see the fear in his eyes. I had heard of this kid from eaves dropping on the others kids, apparently he was a bloody nerd and never left his room, but from the scars on his arms; which look to be burns, I could tell that he had gone though something traumatic and the fact that the other kids were talking about him like they were made me feel kind of bad for him.

I put my hand on the kids shoulder, making him jump a bit and look up at me. I gave him a small smile, "you don't have to do this, you know that right? It's perfectly fine if you don't."

But he just looked back at the tower and shook his head no.

"Alright, suit yourself," I said pushing him towards the ladder for his turn.

I watched as he climbed up. Slowly and unsteadily. Logan was at the top with Dariush calling out encouraging words to him who I now assumed was called Alex. When he got to the top Logan helped him up and they were out of sight.

I looked over to the next kid in line and told him to get ready for his turn.

A few seconds later Alex was climbing back down the ladder, shaking even more and breathing like he had just run a marathon. He most likely just had a panic attack.

As he reached the bottom I unhooked him from the rope and was about to check if he was alright but he ran off.

Some of the kids started to whisper and talk about how he was a pussy for not going down the zip line. I frowned at this and walked over to them, "just because he didn't do the zip line doesn't mean that he's a pussy. For all we know you could be the next person to climb back down that ladder, how would you feel then if everyone started calling you a pussy for it, huh?" I was met with silence and heads tilted towards the ground in shame, "Yeah, that's what I thought."

I walked back to the kid at the front of the line, hooked him up and he started climbing.

The rest of the day was filled with kids running around screaming, playing and being annoying little shits. I spent most of my time and the zip line but when it reached about four o'clock, we started to pack up and head over to the dining hall.

I grabbed myself a ham sandwich and a glass of orange juice and headed over to a deserted table in the back corner.

While I was eating I could feel the eyes of a group of boys around me. They were staring and whispering to their friends and when I looked at them they just smirked and wolf whistled at me.  After a few minutes of this I got pissed and walked over to their table to confront them. As I walked over there I observed the boys to see what I was dealing with. A group of about seven guys that looked to all be the age of thirteen, fourteen and fifteen. They were all quite ugly I thought, they probably thought that they were the coolest kids here and thought they could intimidate me because the way they all got excited and crazy at the fact that I was walking over to them was a definite give away.

This is good though, the more they underestimated me, the better.

"Hey boys," I said leaning on the edge of their table, "mind explaining to me why you pervs can't keep your eyes where they should be and not at my tits?" I asked them with an innocent look.

"Woah there baby doll! No need to acuse is of something we would most certainly not do," a boy at the end said making some of his friends giggle.

"Yeah, but those tits do look pretty good though," another kid quickly cut in making the group burst out laughing.

I stood there with my arms crossed and my eyebrows raised, waiting for them to finish.

"You idiots done?" They all stopped and waited for me to continue, "good. Now let's get to the point. I don't need you fucking pervs staring at me like horny creeps while I'm trying to eat so if you don't mind keeping your eyes and thoughts to yourselves then I see no reason for anyone to get hurt. Ok?"

"'No reason for anyone to get hurt' what the fuck are you talking about bitch?" A third guy said.

"If you stop perving on me then you won't have to find out," I said and turned away to leave but one of the guys closest to me had he guts to slap my ass. The boys started laughing but stopped when they saw what I was doing.

In a flash, I had grabbed the ass slapper and put him into a head lock while pulling my knife from my sleeve and had it pressed to his throat. I was angry now and I wasn't going to take any more of their shit.

"Holy fuck! Calm the down you crazy bitch! We were only playing with you." One of them said.

"Yeah? You were only playing with me were you? Well guess what, I'm not playing with you. Where I'm from if you 'play' with someone you can almost get yourself killed, so let me make myself clear. I don't play games and if you boys desire that it would be fun to mess around with the 'crazy emo chick,' yes I have heard what everyone calls me, then you better watch your backs because you might just get your throats slit and I'm sure none of you want than, do you?" I said this in the most calm but menacing voice as possible, making sure that they knew who they were dealing with.

They all nodded their heads in agreement.

"Good," I let go of the boy and put my knife back in my sleeve as I walked back to my table.

I sculled the rest of my drink, grabbed my sandwich and headed back to my cabin, finishing my sandwich on the way.

As I walked along the dirt path towards the cabins, I walked past the camp fire site. There were kids gathered all around them, huddled together to try and get warm in the cool afternoon almost night. I saw Logan and Carl sitting by one fire talking and joking like best friends usually do. But as I watched them I suddenly felt a great longing and sadness inside me.

I was familiar with the feeling. It was loneliness. I had felt it many times while at the camp, I would go around minding my own business when this feeling would suddenly appear. And every time I felt it, it grew and grew and it was digging deeper into my chest trying to get to my heart and once it did it would squeeze and squeeze until it just stopped, and that would be when I finally broke. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon, it couldn't. I just had to suck it up and push it back down into the pit of my stomach where it slowly grew stronger.

I had always wanted a friend and a family, a real family that actually cared about me and real friends that I could trust and feel completely open with. I've always wanted someone that I could tell all my secrets to, that I could share my troubles to and know that they would support and comfort me as I cried on their shoulder. I've never had someone that I felt completely free with before but I've always wanted it, and even though I've grown to trust no one but myself, I've still had hope that I would find someone, maybe a friend or someone I could call family or maybe a soulmate, I don't know. But I've always had that little bit of hope that I would find them, I just had to be patient.

But I've never been good with emotions or feelings and if it came to actually have to feel something other than hate, fear or annoyance towards someone that I would be completely lost and doomed. So I pushed the feeling down and kept walking.

I walked towards the bridge that lead to the cabins but I saw two kids standing there. One was the ranga Alex from the zip line and an Asian girl that I didn't know. They were both standing on opposite ends of the bridge, not talking or anything but just leaning against the railing, looking out over the water and enjoying being in each other's company.

They looked perfect together. They had the perfect setting, the perfect timing, basically the perfect everything. It was so beautiful and as I stopped and watched their little moment that stupid feeling resurfaced into my chest again. Digging deeper and getting closer to the one thing besides my brain that was keeping my walls up.

This was ridiculous, I didn't need anyone and I most certainly didn't want a moment as perfect as this in my life, no way on earth! The thing that I needed was to survive long enough to get away from my horrible past and start my life over again. So as I pushed that feeling back down again, I quietly walked across the bridge, doing my best not to draw their attention and ruin their special moment.

Once I reached the other side I ran straight to my cabin. I got changed into my pyjamas and went straight into my bed and curled up into a ball. I shut my eyes tight and hoped that sleep would catch me before my feelings and thoughts could.

>*< >*< >*< Time Skip >*< >*< >*<

I had woken up at four that morning, my eyes were red, puffy and sore from crying myself to sleep after trying to drown out my feelings. I knew I had no chance at going back to sleep so I binged watched Stranger Things on my iPad until morning. It's morning now and Logan is currently at my door trying to convince me to work today instead of 'hibernating.'

"Come on Lydia! It'll be fun! You love canoeing, and if you don't go than you'll get fat fro-"

He stumbled backwards as I slammed the door open, "No-one. Calls. Me. Fat." I growled in his face.

"O-okay! Tha-at's fine! I will be sure to remember that!" he said while trying not to look scared but failing miserably.

"I'll go canoeing but only for the morning. Once we come back from the first few groups I'm done for the rest of the day and you won't bother me for the whole afternoon. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal.."

"Good. Give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll be ready to go."

"Okay," he walked off and I shut the door.

I was posted to work at the canoeing site with Logan, Carl and a few others today but after crying myself to sleep last night because of fucking loneliness, I didn't really want to do anything today except watch Netflix in bed. But I knew that if I did that then I would just feel even more lonely and pathetic. That and Logan wouldn't leave me alone until I at least get out of my cabin. So I made the deal of doing half a day instead.

I grabbed my ACDC shirt and black side up leather pants (like Klaus's from the Umbrella Academy - I love his style by the way) and put on my black leather jacket that had a gang logo on the back of a zombie bear head with the words "Grizzly Ghouls." I tied my black choker with a crystal charm around my neck and my black finger-less leather gloves. I tied my red and black bandanna onto my head, slid on my sunnies, popped some chewing gum into my mouth and walked out the door, slipping my red converse on along the way.

As I reached the vans that were driving us to the canoeing area at the river, I saw that both vans were almost full of kids and Logan and Carl sat in the drivers seats waiting for everyone to get in so they could leave. I went to the van at the front and gabbed the door handle to the front passengers seat when it suddenly burst open and hit me right in the head. I stumbled backwards a bit and I touched my head to make sure that nothing was broken or too badly injured. When I pulled my hand away from my face I saw blood on my fingertips, I touched my nose again and felt the blood dripping out of it.

Anger boiled inside of me and as I looked up and saw who had hit me, my anger turned to rage. It was Dariush.

"What the fuck you stupid wanker!" I said beginning to walked towards the trembling kid as he backed up against the van.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry! I didn't m-mean to! I s-swear!"

I grabbed he front of his shirt and roughly shoved him against the van door, "you're sorry are you? Well sorry ain't gonna cut it you little bitch! You hit me in the head with a fucking door you stupid cunt!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he began to cry.

"I should bash you for that you stupid piece of shit but you know what I'm gonna do?" I pulled out a dagger from the inside of my jacket and pointed it at his neck. He was sobbing now and it was so pathetic I almost wanted to just beat him with my fists.

But before I could take it any further Carl stepped in and pushed me away from Dariush, "Lydia! Put that thing away now you crazy bitch! Just because he accidentally hit you with the door as he was getting out doesn't mean you have to threaten to cut his guts out!"

"Fuck off Carl, this is none of your business," I snapped.

"Well it is if you're being a moody little brat and threatening campers lives with a knife in your jacket," he said to me, "Now put that thing away and get in the car."

"Whatever," I turned away from Carl and glared at a terrified Dariush, "This isn't over dickhead," and he ran away to the other van.

I looked back up to Carl who was staring at me in disbelief, "don't look at me like that or I'll do worse to you than I was going to do with him."

He just rolled his eyes as if my threat meant nothing, and got back into the van. When I got into the van it was completely silent and I could basically feel every kids eyes in the back seats glaring lasers into the back of my head. I growled in annoyance and told Carl to start driving.

The drive was short, silent and awkward. The kids were probably scared that if they moved or spoke that I would lash out at them like I did with Dariush, but honestly the kid deserved what he had coming to him. The little prick had the nerve to call me gorgeous and try and kiss my hand after I had specifically told him what would happen if he didn't just fuck off, now he just so happened to slam a car door right into my face. I would have beaten the shit out of him and cut him until he looked like an animal that got stuck in a razor and barbed wire fence if Carl hadn't stopped me. But boy was I going to hurt him when he made another wrong move against me.

As I hopped out of the car I saw that Dariush was hanging around Logan, not leaving his side or taking his fear filled eyes off me. I grinned a wide evil grin and walked with the rest of the group towards the edge of the riverbank where Ameline stood; she ran the canoeing area and activities.

"Uhh Sorry guys, some kid shit the canoe while shootin' the rapids," she announced to everyone as they all 'awed' in disappointment, I just rolled my eyes.

Logan, Carl, Ameline and Dariush got into conversation, I turned around to go back to the van but I saw Alex and the Asian girl walk off into the bush (sorry guys im Australian). I sighed knowing that I would have to go after them, but then I saw that Dariush walked in the same direction a few seconds after them and I sighed even louder.

As I trudged through the bush I could suddenly hear screaming and shouting. It sounded like Alex and as I got closer I could make out that he was screaming and begging for someone to stop. Panic and fear ran through my veins and I began to run.

Shit he could be getting fucking raped or bashed or something! Fuck if I get there and he's dead and I get seen with the body than I'm going to get blamed, and I could not afford to get thrown back in Juvie. I had shit to do back at school and home and if I'm not there when school starts then all hell would brake loose, literally. But right now my main priority was to get to Alex before something bad happened.

I reached a small clearing were it sounded like Alex was located. I frantically scanned the area for any sign of Alex or the Asian girl and as my eyes looked to the edge of the mountain to my right, my panic lessened at what I saw. Dariush was holding Alex at the edge, standing on top of the rocks. Dariush was apparently trying to help Alex conquer his fear of heights and Alex was trying his hardest to get away from him. From what I could see Dariush was doing a pretty shit job of helping Alex because it just looked like he was getting even more scared.

I was just about to run and help Alex but someone appeared out of nowhere and beat me to it.

"Let him go!"

CHAPTER 1 - CHAPTER 2 - CHAPTER 3 - CHAPTER 4 - CHAPTER 5 - CHAPTER 6

[talesofedo]

Because he obviously lives in my head rent-free this year, here is a compilation of Okada Izo headcanons I've come up with, mostly while I was supposed to be doing other things (like work).

Just to clarify, these are about the historical Okada Izo, and not based on novel, manga, movie, or TV series canon, although all of those are great interpretations of the historical person in their own way. My headcanons are not historical fact and shouldn't be taken as such, although I suppose there is always a chance some could be accurate.

If you're interested in the actual Okada Izo, I've previously made a "today I learned" post about him, which you can find here.

...

+ As a young child (before the age of 10), Izo was best described as kind and helpful at home, in the neighborhood, and at school (once he started attending), but especially with his little brother, Keikichi, who was 6 years younger. However, nobody would have described him as gentle. Even with the best intentions, little Izo occasionally showed all the gentleness of a wild boar.

+ Even when he was a child, Izo's hair was difficult to manage. It was thick and wavy (though not quite as bad as Ryoma's) and always looked a bit messy, even when properly put together using hair oil or wax. There were many periods in Izo's adult life when he wouldn't (or couldn't) spend money on buying hair oil/wax or having his hair done at the bath house.

+ When Izo was 8 years old, his mother started teaching him how to play Go, which she had learned from her father. Like his mother, Izo excelled at the game because he understood the strategy aspect of the game, but also because he remembered past games and worked hard to avoid repeating mistakes. Unfortunately, because so many of his peers thought of him as stupid, he was rarely given a chance to play. Had Takechi Hanpeita ever challenged him to a game of Go, Izo would have easily beaten him. One person who did ask him to play on occasion was Katsu Kaishu. Izo had about a 50/50 chance of winning against him.

+ When Izo's family moved from Iwamura village to Enokuchi village, he was 10 years old [historical fact] and not looking forward to starting at a new school because he understood that his reading and writing wasn't at the same level as other students'. (My theory about Izo's reading and writing can be found in this previous post.) He was worried about getting bullied and, as a result, came across as shy and standoffish at first.

+ Even though he was bullied for his reading and writing by the teacher and at times by his classmates, the other boys still wanted to be his friends: he was a fast runner (for short distances especially), a great climber, and generally good at any physical activity. Izo was the boy you wanted in your group if you were going to catch fish in the river or play generals and definitely if you were going to get into a "sword" (stick) fight with another group.

+ Izo partially made up for his difficulty with reading and writing by having an excellent memory and being able to recall texts that had been read aloud and stories he'd heard. He had a particularly large repertoire of ghost stories to scare his friends and his little brother. He continued to have a very good memory well into adulthood, including for places, dates, and small details. Unfortunately, this meant that when he did confess to his crimes after torture, and gave evidence about his comrades in the Kinnoto, he was able to provide a lot of detailed information.

+ Izo had a small jagged scar on the right side of his chest, about halfway between his clavicle and his nipple, which he got at age 12 trying to free a friend's kite from a tree. He lost his footing about halfway up and fell, hitting several branches along the way, one of which broke off and stabbed through his skin. Although the wound wasn't very serious (the branch was stopped by a rib), his friends ran off in terror. He made fun of them for this later and they didn't live it down for a long time.

+ Izo was afraid of dogs after a pack of feral dogs attacked him outside of town when he was 14 and returning late in the day. Although he didn't get any serious bites, the dogs tore his hakama and scratched his legs. Luckily, a group of farmers who were passing nearby, were able to chase the dogs away.

+ Izo's favorite food was manju. He did not like any foods that had a strong smell, such as chives [historical fact].

+ The fencing hall was the first place outside his own home where Izo was ever praised by an adult, which caused him to work especially hard to feel worthy of getting praise. He enjoyed being acknowledged for being good at something, particularly because he was never praised at school, only admonished by the teacher for being "stupid".

+ After Takechi Hanpeita opened his own dojo in 1855 [historical fact], Izo spent significantly more time there than anywhere else, including his own home. This was partially due to the fact that Takechi-sensei praised him more than anyone else, but also partially due to the fact that Izo was now teaching younger students who looked up to him. He enjoyed being able to give encouragement to others while also getting it himself for his hard work. He also enjoyed being paid a (very) small amount of money for teaching. Izo had more of a sense of belonging and family here than he had experienced anywhere else before.

+ Even though Takechi's dojo was where Izo felt most at home, he had been aware for some time that Takechi-sensei often referred to him as "that idiot" when he was speaking to other people and that even sensei's wife, Tomie, called him Takechi's "stray puppy." However, because he could not help looking at Takechi-sensei through rose-colored glasses and felt indebted to him, Izo came to think of "idiot" as a term of endearment and never complained.

+ Izo's relationship with Takechi Hanpeita was complicated. According to historical descriptions, Takechi was intelligent, well-educated, well-spoken, charismatic, talented at swordsmanship, cultured, taller than average, and handsome. Izo respected him for all of his skill and knowledge, felt indebted to him for being given a chance to travel and further his swordsmanship, and was incredibly infatuated with Takechi (which he kept to himself).

+ Izo often found it difficult to articulate his thoughts and as a teenager became more quiet and introverted if the subject was anything "complicated", such as political discussion, or required individual thought and introspection. On the other hand, he was outgoing and excitable when talking about swordsmanship, telling stories, or recounting experiences he had (such as seeing an important person in town). Much of the time, the latter was unfortunately mistaken as "bragging" and earned him scoldings from adults and generally negative feedback from his peers.

+ Because he had been accused of "bragging" in the past and because he had spent so many years being called stupid by his teachers, Izo generally tried not drawing attention to himself outside the dojo. He found it embarassing when fellow Kinnoto members made fools of themselves with the entertainers at tea houses and would never willingly join in any dancing or singing in public. He also blushed very easily so there was no way to even hide his embarrassment.

+ Izo never thought of his swordsmanship as being out of the ordinary, but he was better than most, not just because of his continuous hard work but also because of his natural speed and talent. The fact that he only received his Menkyo Chuden (middle license) at Shigakukan was an enormous disappointment to him, especially because the master called his swordsmanship vulgar and without dignity in front of everyone. Even so, he continued to work hard at any of the other dojos where he was allowed to train, thanks to Takechi-sensei helping him have those opportunities.

+ Izo often felt abandoned when Takechi-sensei would leave him behind at one sword school or another to finish his training while he (Takechi) moved on to build his contacts with shishi from across the area in his pursuit of Sonno Joi. Although Izo never complained, and on some level understood being able to continue his studies was doing him a favor, he felt hurt anytime sensei left him behind.

+ When Izo felt nervous or anxious, he often chewed his fingernails.

+ Physical appearance: As an adult, Izo was of average height at 165cm (5'5") and of slightly smaller than average build. He was a little shorter than his teacher Takechi Hanpeita, and quite a bit taller than Katsu Kaishu (who was unusually short). He had a darker skin tone and freckles / spots / sun damage from being outside a lot. He was also described as having crooked teeth [historical fact].

+ The very first person Izo ever killed was Inoue Saichiro, whom he strangled with a tenugui. If he hadn't been with a group of three others from the Kinnoto who were there to help, in addition to having been slightly drunk on the sake their group had during dinner, Izo probably would not have gone through with the murder. As it was, once their group had thrown Inoue's body into the river, Izo threw up and then didn't sleep the following three nights.

+ Izo told himself he would never assassinate anyone again, that this murder was an exception to keep Takechi-sensei safe from being prosecuted, but being so indebted to sensei for all the years of being able to travel and learn swordsmanship, he couldn't say no the next time he was asked. He felt that it would have made him ungrateful and disloyal to someone who'd done so much for him.

+ Izo first started drinking a few days after Inoue's murder because one of his comrades suggested it would help him sleep if he had a few cups of sake before going to bed. However, it didn't take long for him to start drinking regularly. This gave him a reputation for really enjoying women and booze (as much of his drinking was done in the entertainment district) and caused many problems with his comrades because he started borrowing money to cover his bills. If Takechi noticed Izo's drinking, he never brought it up.

+ The only person Izo ever hated was Tanaka Shinbei of Satsuma, a fellow hitokiri who had previously killed Shimada Sakon. Shinbei was introduced to Takechi in August 1862 and became Takechi's sworn brother that same month [historical fact]. Izo was jealous that this random person from Satsuma had immediately made a place for himself by Takechi-sensei's side. When Izo found out that Shinbei had been arrested and subsequently killed himself on 11 July 1863 [historical fact], his only reaction was, "Good."

+ Izo had a fairly long (about 3.5 inches) scar going across his left forearm where he was cut during the assassination of Honma Seiichiro. A group of the Kinnoto had cornered Honma, but as an experienced swordsman their would-be victim put up a desperate fight. In the course of this, Izo was pushed back into a building and the tip of his blade caught on the cross-beam of the overhanging roof, allowing Honma to cut him while he was defenseless. The only reason Izo was not more badly injured was that one of his comrades had managed to stab Honma in the side at almost the same instant he brought down his sword - otherwise, Izo might have lost his arm. He later often wondered whether that might have been for the better.

+ Izo left Kyoto and went to Edo in 1863 because Takechi-sensei had left for Tosa once again. Without sensei in Kyoto, Izo's position among the Kinnoto was on shaky ground and he felt unwelcome: people who had harbored negative feelings about him as a person and about his murders on Takechi's orders were no longer afraid to voice their opinions once Takechi was not there to protect him.

+ Izo's time as Katsu Kaishu's bodyguard may have been the happiest part of his adulthood because Katsu-sensei never treated him any differently than his disciples, never talked down to him, and never called him stupid or an idiot. In fact, sensei went out of his way to explain things and include Izo in conversations. It was the first time someone made an effort to do so without expecting anything in return or being patronizing. Izo stopped drinking almost entirely during his time with Katsu Kaishu.

+ If Izo had to choose between fight or flight, he would have always chosen flight if he was alone and fight if he was with someone else, especially someone he was protecting. If he chose to fight, Izo's adrenaline would be so high that he later could not remember any details, and while he would try to play it off and make light of it, it would take a long time to calm himself after. Because the adrenaline rush made Izo overly excited and giggly, something he couldn't control, the behavior was often mistaken as "enjoying killing."

+ Izo left his position as Katsu Kaishu's bodyguard because of a misunderstanding following one such adrenaline rush: after saving sensei's life when the two of them were attacked late at night, Izo was smiling and Katsu admonished him: "You should not enjoy killing people." Having expected praise for a job well done, and being caught entirely off guard, Izo could only offer: "If I hadn't been there, sensei's head would be rolling in the street." When Katsu-sensei did not respond, Izo's mind was left to fill in the blanks. In the end, he somehow convinced himself that he did not deserve good things to happen to him, and that he needed to leave before he caused bad things to happen to Katsu-sensei. He never knew that Katsu Kaishu regretted not having apologized and prevented him from leaving [historical fact].

+ After Izo left Katsu Kaishu, his life spiraled downhill. Unsure what to do next, he returned to Kyoto where he realized he couldn't actually go to Tosa's residence in the city because he was considered a deserter from his domain.

+ Learning that Takechi-sensei had been arrested in Tosa in September 1863 left him even more despondent. The money he still had (some remaining pay from Katsu Kaishu and some money he had borrowed from Takasugi Shinsaku) did not go all that far for lodging and everyday costs and it wasn't long before Izo found himself on the street, worrying not only about his next meal but also his increasing need for alcohol because he had again started drinking heavily. Eventually, he sold the blade of his long sword, the more valuable of the two, to tide himself over. Even so, there were days he only ate by stealing stale food offerings at shrines or graveyards.

+ Around the end of winter (early February 1864), Izo started living in an abandoned home, a former merchant's residence that had been sealed off by the Kyoto magistracy because the family and their two servants had been killed by thieves. At least here he was able to sleep next to a brazier to stay warm, and selling some of the smaller items left behind in the home gave him a little income to cover food and drink. However, he was caught by the magistrate and charged with burglary after neighbors reported someone suspicious had been going in and out through a loose fence board.

+ Izo's time in the Kyoto jail was absolutely miserable. He wasn't beaten during questioning because he readily admitted to living in the abandoned house and selling items found there, but he spent the entire first week experiencing severe alcohol withdrawal.

+ After two weeks in the jail, due to its current back-log of cases, Izo received his punishment for burglary: 100 strikes and being tattooed as a criminal. After another five days, the period required to let the tattoo heal, he was brought to the edge of town to be banished, where a metsuke from Tosa waited for him to take him into custody and return him to Tosa.

+ Back in Tosa, Izo held out against severe torture for nearly 10 months, refusing to give any information about Takechi and the Kinnoto because he still felt indebted to sensei for all the years of support and giving him ability to travel to further his swordsmanship. However, he readily offered information about his own crimes committed in Kyoto, which he claimed were his own doing and not ordered by anyone else.

+ When Izo found out that Takechi had approached his brother and father asking for their help to poison Izo so he wouldn't give up any information, his world crumbled. For the first time in his life, he had to confront the fact that Takechi, to whom he felt so indebted, had only used him and thought nothing more of him than as disposable tool for his own ends. Heartbroken and angry, Izo gave up any information he had about Takechi and the Kinnoto, and then withdrew into himself waiting for his execution day. He wouldn't even make any effort to eat when he was offered food, or respond if anyone spoke to him, but he would occasionally ask to speak or send a letter to Takechi-sensei [historical fact], some part of him still holding out hope that there was some kind of explanation sensei could give him.

[alnaperera]

Myself and my WIPs

So, first of all, I'm completely new here, so please excuse any stupid mistakes I might make (and please tell me!).

I'm Nipuni. I write and paint a lot in my free time. So first, about my writing:

I have two active WIPs at the moment:

New WIP (has a working title but it's in a conlang so I'm still a little afraid to post it) is a sort of episodic fantasy adventure, maybe. There are a few longer arcs in there which advance the plot significantly (so do the episodic stuff but more slowly).

It follows the story of Lastak, a 15 year old who just moved into the biggest trading hub in the area in search of a job as a mage. She is taken in by a completely whacky group who don't mind the fact that she's a foreigner or incredibly suspicious looking (with her colourless skin and slit-pupiled eyes, and exhausted, hungry look). Hijinks ensue, meanwhile everyone's pasts and the main plot starts moving.

This is the main cast. From left to right:

Res: He's a genuinely kind, nice person, but he can't stop arguing with Fen for some reason.

Fen: Solves problems by setting them on fire.

Entei: the parrot. Knows pretty much everything. Sarcastic. Might have learned it from:

Wesa: mature, is the oldest in the group. Sort of looks out for everyone. Is also a really capable mage.

Lastak: MC.

In addition to that, there are a lot of other fun characters, such as Seinai (the leader of the group), a forty-something lady who looks like a librarian but is probably one of the strongest mages in the country, Lonli the lightning mage who will not admit she has feelings, Kopen the space-time mage who tries to be nice but reaches his limit often, Lukan who basically invented a way to be as annoying as possible, and many more.

I will start publishing this chapter by chapter somewhere soon.

My other active WIP is Ravens flight. This is a fantasy spy thriller, which follows Estri, Lar, and Dwerezt (15-16) as they get involved in an incident at school which subsequently drags them to a very complex situation, where the first thing they have to do ends up being preventing a war. So, pretty high stakes, I guess? This one is a little difficult to describe without spoilers.

Also there are a lot of fun characters. And fighter jets that don't quite work right.

I've done a lot of worldbuilding for this one, for over a decade now, but the first book is 140k words, so all thoughts of publishing this is sort of on hold for now.

So, those are my main WIPs. in addition to that, I have a few on pause such as the sequel to the phantom in the canopy (which is done but I don't feel like editing it), and a few other mystery-type stories.

You can read the phantom in the canopy:

I will run a free promotion on this soon.

I also draw a lot. I post those on Shutterstock:

And I also created a fiverr if you want floral patterns or something:

Other than these stuff, I'm a PhD student, working on robotics (I sort of teach it too, was working as a lecturer until a month ago).

That's it about me, I guess?

[kaibacorpintern]

5 6 and 18?

5. What’s the easiest thing to write for you?

Inner monologues and descriptions! When all I have to do is make room for the character to feel whatever they're feeling and think whatever they're thinking, I feel like a racehorse and I'm just charging down the track.

6. What’s the hardest thing to write for you?

Original fiction just kidding, I'll get there. Romantic comedy is an incredibly daunting genre to me. It can't just be jokes, it has to be jokes AND sizzling chemistry AND sexual tension AND little twists and traps here and there to complicate the characters' relationships. I can happily write horror and science fiction and action/adventure and other things, but romantic comedy seems so complex! Easy to fuck up! I've only ever posted one intentionally romantic/comedic piece and I had a great time but to do that for 30,000 words... insanity.

18. What is one theme/storyline/idea you wish to write but never have?

Speaking of romantic comedies I have this pet idea for a kaiba x jou "lovers to exes to best friends" modern AU... [this got long so it's under a cut]

they date for six months and they break up because the wells of their patience run completely dry. but hot on the heels of their breakup, they're both like "i'm going to get this stupid bastard laid... by someone ELSE" and they end up match-making for their ex. They are going to find that special SOMEONE PERFECT. because. in this story, maybe THEY aren't right for each other, but by god, do they want to see this dumb pathetic loser find real love and happiness. the lousy bastard deserves it.

so jou is like "what kind of person would i willingly inflict seto on?" and kaiba is like "who would find this annoying chewed-up shoe attractive?" but the thing is, in order to make a happy match, they successfully have to sell the prospective partner (atem for kaiba, anzu for jou) on That Dumb Asshole that they've been complaining about for months:

Jou: he does not hug. like ever. a total frozen fish Kaiba: he NEVER stops talking. he could power a small country with his goddamn motor mouth Jou: insanely pretentious. Like we get it!! you read Nietzsche in German!! Kaiba: he thinks wrestling is a sophisticated cultural activity on par with opera Anzu, who is kaiba's personal trainer: so WHY should i go on a date with your ex?! Atem, who is Jou's high school best friend: so what makes him good for ME? Jou: okay... fine........ he's a go-getter with the work ethic of a train and he really loves his baby brother 🙄 if high standards and intense self-reflection are really sexy to you or whatever 🙄🙄 Kaiba: ugh he has an easy and charismatic manner and he has a great laugh 🙄🙄 if you're into guys who have to make everything feel ""fun"" 🙄🙄 Anzu: is he hot? Kaiba: unfortunately. Atem: is he attractive? Jou: i don't want to think about it.

bonus scene:

atem, on the first date: so i heard you don't really like to have.... "fun" kaiba: WINNING is fun. atem, twirling a finger in his hair: wow. you're so right <3

anyway it's not supposed to be like "hoho kaiba and jou Will Never Work," because shipping is fake and for fun; it's the lovers to bitchy exes to best friends AU. accepting romantic incompatibility but also valuing them as a person and rooting sincerely for their happiness. whoever sends the wedding invite first wins!!

i have a lot of fun thinking about this one but in order to make it work, i might as well make it original fiction, because i'd have to reconfigure all of the dynamics of yuugi's friend group, somehow, and when it comes to yugioh fanfic, i like to write YUGIOH, you know? i want magic and dragons and outrageous science fantasy.

[peofun1]

alright I watched Way Too Much anime this season, and now that it's coming to a close, I wanna get down some of my thoughts on everything.

there's no real method to how we picked what anime to watch beyond just what looked interesting to us. i have some friends that do "gauntlets" or who watch EVERYTHING in a season, but I'm not doing all that. we just watch the trailers before the season starts and pick out whatever looks up our alley.

anyway here's a very long post, in alphabetical order, of everything I watched in the Spring 2024 anime season. longer thoughts under the cut, but here's all of them up front:

Reincarnated Aristocrat, Bartender, Dungeon Meshi, Loser Ranger, Gods' Game We Play, Grandpa and Grandma Turn Young Again, Jellyfish Can't Swim in the Night, Kaiju No. 8, Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio, Oblivion Battery, Re:Monster, Spice and Wolf, Train to the End of the World, Whisper Me a Love Song, Wind Breaker

As a Reincarnated Aristocrat, I'll Use My Appraisal Skill to Rise in the World

Stupid light novel title aside, actually pretty good. I think it's funny that MC's main power is recruiting OP friends like he's a Fire Emblem protagonist. a bit of a slow-burn at the start when the MC is really young, but I don't mind that. It's also one of these ones that kind of forgets it's technically an isekai after a bit and just becomes a fantasy story, which is fine with me. There's some interesting political drama set up that I'm invested in. We're a little behind on the anime but I plan to get back to it

Bartender

great vibes. I never watched the original anime or read the manga so I can't really say how it compares, but going in blind this one is a good time. enjoyable even if you don't know anything about alcohol, as long as you're willing to learn. the little vignettes and snippets into other people's lives are compelling, and give you a sense of what a bartender's life is like. I also appreciate that there isn't a forced romance between the two leads. also-also there's pretty masc-leaning character who I thought was a man from the OP and then cheered when she's introduced and is a woman. I see a masc woman and I start hootin and hollerin

Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in Dungeon

what is even left to say. it's an incredible adaptation of one of the best manga I've ever read. the english dub is also fantastic. Izutsumi is there. read Dungeon Meshi I'm not playing around

Go! Go! Loser Ranger!

really fun concept suffering from some severe pacing issues. the anime absolutely blazes through set-up in the early episodes, and I'm told cuts out a lot of character building stuff from the manga, which is a real shame. I really wish I had more time to learn about all these characters before they spend six episodes fighting in a parking garage. the action animation isn't even anything all that special. most fight scenes in this get bodied by Kaiju No 8 or Wind Breaker. it's a very good looking anime though, even the CG usually works. just really wish it took some more time to breathe. also easily the best OP and ED of the season and it's really not close

Gods' Game We Play

watched one episode and it put me to sleep. No Game No Life but boring. and I fucking hate NGNL, so take that as you will

Grandpa and Grandma Turn Young Again

watched one episode. cute concept but I got weird vibes pretty quickly. I don't care how hot the young grandpa is, I don't want to see his granddaughter crushing on him >:/

Jellyfish Can't Swim in the Night

fun, cute, good drama, pretty to look at. the characters are a fun group of kids, and it's easy to root for them and get invested in their friendships. I understand the comparisons to A Place Further Than the Universe; it's in the same genre, even though the characters and story are pretty different. I wanna call this genre, like, "cute girls actively working towards a concrete goal". the group also reminds me of Nightcord at 25:00 from Project Sekai, which is neat.

people are throwing around "yuri-bait" for this one which I think is pretty asinine. like I don't understand how you can get legitimately baited by a show that doesn't have a yuri OR romance genre tag. it's a good show even without romance, idk why people have to complain about it not being something it was never trying to be. and anyway true yuri fans can squeeze yuri from a stone.

Kaiju No. 8

perfectly serviceable action battle shonen. if you don't go in with any higher expectations than that, it's a good time. the action is flashy and well-animated. characters are kind of generic so far, but they're fine for the show they're in. BUT if Captain Hoshina ever dies I'll instantly drop this. also the ED is catchy but I think the OP is pretty dogshit. like the song is fine but the NVIDIA tech-demo animation is so nothing it kinda makes me mad

(side bar -- there's a review on the MAL page for Heavenly Delusion bitching that Production I.G. "wasted" money on that instead of spending all that budget on Kaiju No. 8. and I just wanna know what fucking planet they're from, because Kaiju No. 8 clearly has an insane budget. there are huge billboards in LA advertising it. they've got yungblud and fuckin One Republic in here. what are you smoking my dude. also Heavenly Delusion kicks so much ass and is honestly way better in terms of having an interesting story to tell)

The Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio

cute vibes. takes itself surprisingly seriously, and the dynamic between the two leads is fun. this is the real yuri-bait though, since this one actually has the yuri genre tag but with no yuri lmao. (not that I'm really complaining, it's a pretty good time regardless) touches a little bit on the darker/dangerous parts of "idol" voice acting, but imo doesn't get very deep into it. like it's kinda tough for me to root for the girls' VA careers after they get literally doxxed and their moms want them to quit... like yeah you girls probably should get out of this toxic industry before it chews you up lol. but if you kinda don't think about that stuff the show is cute

Oblivion Battery

watched two episodes and just couldn't bring myself to care. it's an interesting set-up for a sports anime, but it's too silly for me. i feel like the creator would rather be writing a gag manga. all the characters I saw were annoying or boring, and I was REALLY TRYING to like them. I WANTED to like this anime! I need something to fill the Haikyuu void!! (besides just re-watching Haikyuu for the 12th time!) but man I just can't get into baseball anime, no matter how dramatic and exciting they try to make it. watch Ace of the Diamond instead (which I also got bored of, but lasted way longer)

Re:Monster

watched one episode and thought it was Slime Isekai but worse. and I don't really care for Slime, so this was never gonna impress me. my wife kept watching for a few more episodes, and when I walked in on it later the MC was having a huge orgy with like 20 hot elves or something. so, I guess there's that. if you wanted to watch that.

(note: reincarnated as a slime is FINE! it's a FINE anime, I have nothing against it, it's just not for me. please don't get my ass)

Spice and Wolf remake

I see the naked wolf-girl waifu and I Get It. watched two episodes and really liked it, but put it on hold for now because my wife wasn't really into it. I've never watched the original anime, but I'm excited to get back to this one eventually.

Train to the End of the World

very weird but in a way that's kind of nostalgic? sometimes it feels like I just turned on Toonami in 2004 and caught episode 86 of some anime I've never heard of. it's fun and silly in a way that I feel a lot of modern anime don't try to be. just throwing some new flavor of batshit at you every episode, including some Totally Spies-esque "the director's poorly disguised fetish" (looking at you, giantess episodes). only real complaint is that the dialogue is VERY fast paced with like no pause between characters speaking, which is hard to keep up with sometimes.

anyway my wife and I can't stop saying wibble-wobble surgery. you just hate to get wibble-wobbled yknow

Whisper Me a Love Song

haven't actually watched this one, but it's here because I've read some of the manga and was planning to watch the anime. the manga is cute, easy recommendation if you like fluffy yuri romance. I've heard the anime adaptation is pretty lacking, which is a shame.

Wind Breaker

punched me in the face and gave me brain damage and now I'm obsessed with it. any comparisons to Tokyo Revengers don't know what they're FUCKING talking about; the only thing it has in common is "delinquents". I hesitate to even call this a delinquent genre manga, since the boys are really more like vigilantes. it's very sweet and earnest and feel good, in a way that reminds me of Haikyuu more than Tokyo Revengers. there's even ~queer rep~, if that's the sort of thing you care about lol. the anime is a pretty faithful adaptation with some killer fight choreography and a great soundtrack. second place for OP this season (though I like the song on its own a little better than Loser Ranger's)

[amtrak12]

AO3 Wrapped for 2023!

I got tagged by @purlturtle for this, so thank you! :D Let's see how I did on fics in 2023.

Overall Stats:

Works Published: 2 - because a Pushing Daisies snippet snuck in there lol

Word Count: 92,498

Kudos: 475

Hits: 14,729

Bookmarks: 161 (99 public and it's killing me ahaha I just want a nice round number again D:)

Subscriptions: 285

(All of those stats are heavily, heavily skewed towards one fic over the other as you'll see below :P)

Individual Stats:

Most Popular by Kudos: Can We Keep Her, my Lucifer S3 time travelling toddler rewrite at 471 kudos. (Out of my 475 total for the year LMAO. I told you the stats are skewed!)

Most hits: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) again with 14,688 hits. Listen I really only wrote one fic this year. The Pushing Daisies one barely counts.

Longest: Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) at 92,307 words published as of today and still growing. Fun fact: This is also my longest fic ever published! So it would've won this category in any year.

Shortest: Three Lifetimes (Pushing Daisies) at 191 words. I did have other one shot ideas after my rewatch but I had to save my energy for the Lucifer WIP.

Most Comments: SHOCKINGLY (not), it's Can We Keep Her (Lucifer) with 186 comment threads/415 total comments. My greatest wish when this fic is all said and done is to hit 1000 total comments because I'll never be able to hit that in any other fandom I could ever be in for the rest of my life. And if it does turn out to be 30 chapters long (or more!), then I'm actually on pace to achieve it :')

(And this is where I go more into fic recs than talking about my own fics, because I did not write (or read tbh) enough to have proper answers for this section.)

Fics that made me cry:

Writing: The [redacted] scene for Can We Keep Her that I've played a million times in my head but haven't actually written yet cause I'm only halfway through the story. Maybe also the time travel reveal scene which gets posted in January, but that's lived in my head for so long, I can no longer tell what feelings it evokes.

Reading: never have I ever by jrrmint (Lucifer). S4 Chloe/Lucifer smut. It doesn't make me cry, but it does make me ache because it's Season 4, aka the angstiest season, and this fic makes it even messier than canon was which is just beautiful in the 'I have a history of loving soap operas' way. :D :D It also taught me cheating is a trope I will eat up with a goddamn spoon for this ship. Like HOLY SHIT! Eve, I love you, babe, but I need more Chloe/Lucifer S4 cheating fic pronto! O_O

(NOT S3 cheating fic. It does not work as well, because the Chloe/Pierce relationship was already a stupid decision -- by both the writers and the character -- so let's not add even more stupid decisions on top of it. However, everybody's already hitting rock bottom in S4 (and at different times too!) so that's why the cheating trope works so deliciously there.)

Fics that made me smile:

Writing: The opening scene to chapter 7 in Can We Keep Her still makes me laugh so much. Rory's manipulative little "My heart hurts :(" ploy absolutely kills me, plus all the other 'Day 2 of a baby angel' chaos that's happening. Also all of chapter 9 with the Deckerstar family domestics of putting Trixie and Rory to bed. A++ me. Makes me grin everytime.

Reading: If He's a Tramp (He's a Good One) by maybemalapert (laconicsims) -- Lucifer joins Chloe and Trixie on a trip to Disneyland, set (and written) in early S2. I'm absolutely loving reading the Lucifer fics in chronological order/reverse page order on AO3 since I came to the show after the entire thing aired. And this little one shot was wonderful <3

Group Activities:

Gifts: No gifts given or received this year.

Collaborations: I did do something here, though! I was a beta reader in the Bering and Wells Big Bang event. :) I helped with Dawn of the Dragonborn: Heart of a Hero, Heart of a Predator, Heart of Dovahkiin which was written by Rinari7. Not finished yet, but hopefully someday! Because the outline was really detailed and incredible. So, so, so fun AU even if you know very little about Skyrim (like me)!

Events: Also the Bering and Wells Big Bang. I still absolutely could never be a writer for such an event because I get too stressed and freeze whenever I try. But I really enjoyed being a beta reader! Less pressure lol

[ablazeinhim]

I went out with my childhood bestie's friend group the other night and it really made me realize that I'm very picky about my friends. 😂

***

As I've been reflecting on it the past couple days I've put a few things together about like who somebody was and stories my friend has told me. And girl, some some of these situations and some of these people's actions and attitudes, like... I find it a little hard to believe that these are my friend's type of people.

***

And maybe they were all just having really bad days/times in life when those things happened and they acted that way, but some of them I'm like yeah I would be pulling away hard. I would always rather have fewer friends and know they're supportive and dependable and honest and loving, than many friends who aren't a perfect fit. And often that means I do shit alone, because my friends are busy people, or they live far. And I'm ok with that.

I don't wanna mask in front of my friends, or watch what I say, or be scared to talk about what I believe. I need open communication and mutual respect.

***I rambled about the night and decided it was distracting from what I actually wanted to say so I cut that part out of the middle and put it here in case you want to read the post in it's og form:

I can fall in love in an instant and vibe with people so hard, so it's not that. Like the other week I was in Ohio for a friend's wedding and I got to meet his twin brother and childhood friends and fucking loved them all. The vibes were excellent, the energy exquisite. Me and one of them laughed constantly when next to each other. No awkwardness at all. We took stupid group pictures in the yard. I left longing to be their friend.

That was not the vibe of the other evening. I didn't have a bad time, but I didn't gel with any of them. My friend and I carpooled, so on the way home she did tell me that it was kind of a weird night.

But I don't think it would have made a difference.

It was clear a couple of them were "partiers." I love a party, and I *am* a good time. But I don't drink and it was clear that was typically a big aspect/the main activity. My idea of a fun night out is a light dinner(so I don't have to worry about leftovers. Definitely snacking later at home) followed by something entertaining (my top choices would probably be a drag show or an arcade) and then dancing. I NEED dancing. Please God get me in the room with the queers and the neurodivergent DJ. I could skip all the other things as long as I can vibe on the dance floor with my loved ones.

We went out to dinner and to the gay bar. Both things I like!

And there was no dancing! One of them was adamant, "I don't dance." WHY. Why would you deny yourself the joy of movement. The embodiment of sound. Why would you declare it like it's something you can't wait to spit out of your mouth.

Why was there so much talk of past times getting fucked up (and presumably that was a positive experience for them). [This also probably wasnt discussed a TON, but it was multiple times and since I'm not into that personally it really stood out to me--like if you wanna tell me about the party that's great, but like can you tell me a funny story from it or something, instead of just how much your bar tab was?]

One of the people was abrasive and aggressive (in energy) in a way that did not make me feel safe or at ease.

Maybe it's because they're an established group and it was my first time with them. Maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent and introverted. Whatever it was, it just wasn't my scene. And that's ok. None of them were mean.

Someone we ran into that night is not really someone that my friend likes, but despite that, my friend still buys this person's art and still is considering doing a group activity with them before this person moves like an hour away. And internally I was like...why? Why would you spend time with people who send you mixed signals and act in an emotionally abusive manner???

[here4theheartbreak]

I have to ask but don’t you get mad when readers don’t comment on your fics? Like the new fic you did on stray kids, you have over a 100kudos but no one has commented? How do you stay positive? I’d cry

I like writing and I like when people read my writing, and I see it as giving a gift. When that gift becomes a chore, I just stop - because just like nobody forces people to comment, nobody is forcing me to give my talent. (long rambling chat under cut because I do usually have a lot to say about this but just don't so... buckle up lol)

Realistically, people who don't care enough to give me 2 minutes of their time for a comment don't need the hours, days, weeks I put into writing the fic (hell yesterday I spent like 3 hours researching various topics for ONE line in the stupid fic I'm working on now lol).

Getting mad over something that isn't my fault doesn't hurt anyone but myself. When it starts to bother me to the point it affects me - I just quit writing for that fandom. That's what happened with bts; which is the least interactive fandom I've ever been in thus far (I've been writing fanfic for over a decade and a half and kpop in general is pretty non-interactive on this platform especially for member x member, and not super interactive on AO3 for either). But at the end of my writing for that group, I was getting zero interaction - no asks, minimal AO3 comments, no likes, reblogs etc. And it was wearing on me and upsetting me and making me feel burnt out and negative about my writing. So I just stopped doing it.

It's not my loss to stop writing it - there's a million fandoms I can write for; it's the loss of those who didn't care enough to give back. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Also, because you used the skz fic I'll go with it - it's a pwp fic. People tend not to comment on pwp fics because they're not usually reading them for the plot, if you catch my drift. It feels like the folks that comment underneath dirty videos lol - like - it'd be nice to get a comment on idk, "hey bc is super in character here!" or "the fight at the end with scb and bc was really funny!" - that's that person admitting they just read smut and most people aren't as willing to own up to that as yours truly lol (and for some reason people forget they can log out and leave as many anonymous comments as they want but alas).

My most recent SHINee fic has only been up for about a week longer than the Skz one (which btw has been up for just 1 week - give it time) - and it has numerous comments. Because it's a longer, plot heavy fic so people feel like they have more to comment on (they also - for those that are invested in the story - have a reason to comment so I won't give up posting half through and they never get an ending).

IDK if you weren't glancing at that or if this ask was like, written to make me feel bad about not having comments, but either way - it's not that I never get comments, I just don't often get them on smut fics - which is generally how it goes no matter the fandom.

An accurate comparison would be my most recent SHINee fic (started 10 Oct, 2022, 17 kudos, 16 comments, 4/10 ch posted) compared to my last SHINee fic (posted 30 Oct, 2021, 96 kudos, 4 comments, 1/1 ch posted). SHINee is a less active fandom overall in terms of fanfic and such, but you can see that there's always more kudos than comments on smut fics. I don't have my bts ao3 stuff readily accessible (different accounts) but I'm guessing you'd find a pretty similar pattern there too.

With skz - it's an active fandom, I've already gotten more notes in a week on it here than I used to in months for a bts fic lol (likes mostly but still) - so I'm guessing the pattern will hold; I'm working on a longer, plotted fic now for the kids, so only time will tell once I start posting the new one.

So the tl;dr is, I usually get comments - just not usually on pwp - and I just happen to write more pwp than other types of fic because I find it fun.

And when I don't get comments, I just don't focus on it or let it bother me, because that's giving my time and energy to something negative and let's face it, there's enough negativity and icky crap in the real world - I'm a queer trans person living in the US - negative is just kind of the overall outlook of life here rn 🤣 - so I don't need it eating away at me with something I find fun too.

When it does start to eat at me - I just quit, because my talent is solid, and it's my gift to fans, not a requirement.

(But also seriously - if you read fic. Just a simple comment. Takes a minute. Authors don't care how big it is - it's really not hard and you won't have people quitting the fandom for lack of interaction. Writers are a gift to fandoms, stop taking advantage of them.)

[olivia200312]

Meeting~ 2018! Optimus x Human! Reader

Plot: Y/N meets Optimus Prime after saying farewell to Charlie.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Y/N meets Optimus Prime from Bumblebee of 2018? Yes, this is also the live-action like Bayverse but I saw NOT A SINGLE story about Optimus x Reader! I was honestly wondering this about every fragging day. But I want to give it a shot!

For those who are new, Bumblebee came out in 2018, and it's created by Travis Knight. Not so many people know that Michael Bay also helped to create the movie. He did actually a good job on that by listening to Travis Knight. After the movie was complete, Travis Knight admitted that he has plans for Bumblebee 2, who we still don't know a single detail like how the story will play. I believe that the story will focus on Bumblebee and Optimus this time. But anyway, ever since the new director got revealed who's not Travis Knight, we have to wait one day until Knight will finally return to bring Transformers back! I read a week ago about the new actor, who will take Sam's and Cade's place. The actor is named Anthony Ramos. Believe me or not, that got me pissed. Give women also a chance to appear! Like, Hailee Steinfeld got a chance and she appeared! But I will watch the new Transformers movie that will come out in June 2022. I hope that this stupid corona trouble will be over for good! I really want to go to the movies so bad :(

I plan to put Meta Knight *ON HOLD* since it's too much work, especially since I'm also busy with Falling in Love based on the TFP series. I will NOT abandon the book. So, the new Merformer Optimus x Reader is coming close :)

Enjoy!

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Face plate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eye brow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Back plate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

-------------------------------------

"Farewell, Y/N. Be safe and have fun adventuring!" Charlie said as she hugged her cousin, Y/N for the last time.

Y/N smiled sadly and hugged her back. Bumblebee, who is in his Camaro vehicle form, is watching the sad moment between the girls. He understood how hard it is to say farewell. Even though he's new to Earth, he learned a lot thanks to these girls.

Y/N is 18 years old she's actually living very poor that in the end, she lost her home. She roamed around the streets until she stumbled Bumblebee, who was in a different car form at the time. It's actually an old car from the 1950s or '60s. But it is a cute car! Bumblebee, who was previously called B-127, had to escape Cybertron by his leader, Optimus Prime, orders. The war between the Autobots and the Decepticons has been going for so mong that their planet was slowly dead. Optimus ordered his dear scout to find a base on Earth while he and others will arrive soon. However, one of the Decepticons tracked B-127 that they fought. Bumblebee could speak at the time! He even tried to warn human soldiers that he's not evil! But that slagging Deceptocon actually destroyed Bumblebee's voice instead of the dangerous warlord, Megatron!

Bumblebee stumbled upon Y/N and they befriended each other! Of course, Charlie caught the Autobot scout and they also became friends! Soon, Memo joined as well in the group! The yellow scout is not stupid and saw that Y/N was different from her cousin. He found out that she's homeless so he basically 'adopted' Y/N as his step-sibling. So adorable! After the final battle was over, Bumblebee had to leave in order to catch up with his leader.

Y/N quickly went inside Bumblebee in the driver's seat so that she'll pretend that she's driving. I mean, what if someone catches the yellow Camaro driving by itself without a driver inside? That's super creepy to them but not to Charlie, Memo nor Y/N. Bumblebee is a Transformer. Y/N waved goodbye to Charlie as she did the same. That's when Bumblebee drove off.

Charlie smiles as she saw her beloved yellow friend driving next to his leader, Optimus Prime, who's a blue and red truck. The girl then safely returned home, back to her family and Memo.

Meanwhile, with Y/N, she couldn't help but stare in awe at the red and blue truck. So, this is Optimus Prime? She isn't sure. I mean, while she was in the forest with Bee and Charlie, they discovered something shocking and cool. Charlie accidentally activated something inside of Bumblebee that caused a call from Optimus Prime to appear. It's a warning message he left for the scout to search a base since Cybertron is basically dead.

She felt Optimus staring at her, even when he's driving. He'll have a talk with Bumblebee later. And that's what he exactly did.

Later at night~

Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are hiding in the forest with survived Autobots. Let's get to the introduction:

Y/n stepped out of Bumblebee's car and she watched her step-sibling transform. The poor human girl yelped when some loud metal steps ran to the scout and leader. That's when she got picked by Optimus Prime very gently. That got her to stare right into his calm gentle soft blue optics. Optimus couldn't help but also get lost while staring at her. He's also amazement and impressed. Ooh, la la la!~ Is there a romance going to happen?

"Uhm, we're still here."

That got Optimus and Y/N awake as they looked immediatly at the others. Optimus still held Y/N in his arms or servos. The height is a bit different than in Bayverse.

"Is that a human?"

Bumblebee then used his radio and let out: "Yes, it's a human."

Optimus then looks down at the human femme. He couldn't help but thought that she's soft and squisy. She also looks so cute and has also soft lips. "What's your name, young femme?"

"Y-Y/N, sir."

Optimus almsot chukled. "My name is Optimus Prime. We're from planet Cybertron. We're the Autobots."

Y/N lighted up. "So that's why you're cars!"

A femme Cybertronian laughed. "That's correct, Y/N."

The introduction got along and Y/N got to know names. There's Ratchet, the medic of the team. No wonder he's an ambulance car. Arcee is pink and white (instead of blue and pink). There's also Wheeljack and others. Some of them are serious, kind, strong, etc.

"How did you met our fellow scout, Y/N?" Optimus asked as he took a walk in the forest with her. This time, he's walking next to her instead of holding her.

"Well, I'm was homeless and I stumbled upon him. He decided to 'adopt' me so I'm basically his step-sibling. I am grateful for him that he's taking care of me and so I want to help every chance possible, including you and the team." The human girl smiled up at Optimus.

Optimus felt touched by the story. He's happy that his fellow scout made a friend but he doesn't want a risk by putting Y/N in danger if the Decepticons decide to attack. But he felt his spark shatter when she mentioned that she was homeless but he's very grateful that Bumblebee is taking care of her.

"Who knows of B-127's existence?"

"Huh? Oh! Do you mean Bumblebee? Well, me, my cousin Charlie, and her future boyfriend, Memo." That's when she noticed something like asteroids flying in the sky. Her eyes lighten up. "Wow! Are that asteroids?"

Optimus looks up and smiled behind his mask. "No. That's my fellow Autobots that survived. They're gonna join us." He looks down at the human femme. "Welcome to the team, Y/N."

Y/N blushed and smiled. "Thank you, Optimus."

[loving-all-for-loki]

Your writing is so wonderful! Could I maybe request something comforting? I’m currently recovering from a surgery to repair my foot with bone anchors and I’ll be bed ridden for 6 weeks. Maybe something with Loki being very supportive and caring for the reader 24/7, moving into her room etc. and the team are just surprised at how helpful he’s being to her. 🤗.

A/N: I’m sorry if I posted this at a weird time, but I have the next chapter to my series Voiceless Love coming out and I wanted to give this fic some time to be seen before that got posted. It’s also a little short, but I felt like this was perfect as a short and sweet fic, instead of a 2k+ story, haha. Also, I know it isn’t 100% exactly what you wanted, but I get stuck with one idea and run with it, oops. I hope you are getting better with your foot. That stinks so much and I’ve been there with my own ankle injuries. If you have any requests for some fics while you recover, send them my way! I always need some inspo and if I can give you some entertainment during your recovery, that would be great. Now, read this, get some sleep, and drink some water. I hope you heal nicely <3

Lucky

Loki x reader

Word count: 1533

Warnings: Pure fluff, just fluff, fluffiness, maybe a bit of sexualizing Loki (I couldn’t help myself)

Seeing your friends carrying big heavy boxes for you swells your heart. It’s also hilarious to see Thor actually struggling to carry something. Tony finds it amusing too given that he’s not doing any of the work but it’s sipping mimosas next to you. Thor grumbles about getting all the heavy boxes, but you also know Sam and Bucky purposely avoid the big ones.

If someone were to tell you ten years ago that you’d be saved from getting tortured by Hydra and become an Avenger, you’d tell them they’re delusional, but this is your life. Even after years of torture and pain, you considered yourself lucky. You could have been the new Soldat, ruined over and over again to be a war machine, but now you’re a trained assassin like Bucky and Nat with a broken leg.

You lean yourself against a wall in your room with your crutches beside you (along with Tony, of course, that lazy bum). Steve, Bucky, and Thor are carrying in boxes while Sam, Nat, and Peter help unpack some things. Today is the day you officially move into the tower with the rest of your teammates and due to your current disability, the other avengers offered to help you. Another reason why you consider yourself lucky.

Peter is by far the most adorable on the team. He’s fully unpacking for you, even arranging the frames on your shelves and the organizers on your desk. He at point made your bed when Steve brought in your blankets and sheets. Bucky has been super sweet, too, giving you funny looks every time he passes by and asking where the best spot for the box he is carrying to go.

But the one “avenger” you didn’t expect to be as helpful as he is, is Loki. The others told him to move out of the way, not wanting his condescending attitude to ruin the fun day, but Loki started to carry boxes in as well. The first time, the avengers were stunned by him, but then they were gracious because he used his magic to transport them, making the job go by quicker. Loki just stands at the bottom of the truck outside and wipes his hand over each cardboard box, sending it to your room.

You really are lucky.

-

Two days pass by and you decide to ignore your laziness and finally unpack the rest of your boxes. You attempt to push some photo boxes on the top of your shelves, but you find yourself stretching so hard to reach the top. Your foot injury really is stupid and you just want to be able to normal walk, or jump, or even go on your tip toes.

Then you hear a sly chuckle coming from behind you. You let out a frustrated sign knowing exactly who it is.

“Loki, if you’re going to stand there and laugh at me, could you least help me and laugh at me?”

“Of course, darling.” He jokes.

He comes up behind you and takes the box from your struggling fingertips and carefully paces it on top of the shelf.

“Is there anything else you helpless being needs help with?”

“I could use help with hanging my window curtains.”

You point to the box in the corner with your large sheer curtains folded in them. He chuckles and goes over the box, carefully picking them up and hanging them on the frame. You can’t help but notice his figure as he hangs them. He is a marvelous being and who are you to deny your eyes of such a sight?

The sight in front of you proved that you are lucky

-

Tony gathers the group for a game night and it results in everyone becoming drunk and children. At some point, it becomes a truth or drink game night and everyone has their poison. You have your legs laid over Loki’s lap, who was really hard to convince to join the game, and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice in your hand, only because Tony didn’t have anything else. Loki’s slowly running his fingers over your legs, but higher than your cast.

“Okay, Steve,” Natasha coos, “your turn. Have you ever done drugs?”

“I did marijuana in high school once.”

The whole team gasps and whistles at his answer.

“Captain ain’t so wholesome, now, is he?” Sam cackles.

“I remember that night,” Bucky laughs, “You were so high.”

Steve chuckles and nods his head before looking to see you cuddled up next to Loki and gets a wicked idea.

“Loki, you’ve been quiet. Your turn.”

“Please no, I’m beyond your little games.”

“Aw come on, brother! One question won’t hurt you,” Thor laughs.

“Who in this room would ever kiss?”

Tony whistles and takes a sip of his drink as everyone else laughs. You can feel the ice giant get slightly warm out of embarrassment. His face is flushed with a rose pink color as you get nervous, lightly chuckling to himself.

“I uh…”

“Answer it. Answer it. Answer it.” Sam chants.

Everyone chuckles at the clear uncomfortableness of the god, not seeing him like this often.

“Y/N.” He whispers, almost too quiet for you to even hear.

“Louder, brother. I couldn’t hear you,” Thor says innocently.

“Y/N.”

You smile up at Loki in shock. He won’t look down to meet your eyes but stares straight out the window past Tony. The entire team cheers and chuckles.

“Oh, we’re never letting that one down.”

“How lucky am I?” You laugh.

-

You attempt to cook yourself some lunch but your stupid cast is getting in the way of moving around. It’s getting tiring to pick up your crutches every time you need a tool two feet away from you. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you hit the edge of the counter with the spatula in your hand.

“What is wrong, dearest?”

You turn your head to see Loki standing behind you with a concerned look on his face, this time not here to make fun of you.

“I’m tired of my stupid foot getting in the way of doing normal activities.”

“Darling, sit down. I’ll make lunch for you.”

“Loki, you really-”

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

Loki picks you up and sets you down on the couch while also handing you the remote. He goes to the kitchen and attempts to resume your lunch.

“Sweetest, what are you cooking?”

You laugh really hard at his confusion.

“Fajitas.”

“What are those?”

“See Loki, it’s fine! You really don’t have to.”

“And I’m not going to. I’ll make Stark do it.”

Loki orders JARVIS to get Tony and finish making lunch for you. You laugh and shake your head at Loki as he sits down beside you on the couch. He starts to run his fingers through your hair but keeps getting caught in the tangles.

“Why is your hair like this?”

“It’s hard to do anything while standing up. I can barely brush my teeth without falling over.”

“Well, it looks like I’ll do that for you, too.”

“Loki, I swear if you-”

“No point in arguing. I’m going to assist you.”

You rolls your eyes at the cocky god as he smiles at you. Nuzzling your head into his neck, Loki holds you tightly in an embrace. Tony comes in to see you two cuddling and shakes his head.

“You are so lucky we love you.”

-

You wake up the next day to see Loki sleeping beside you on your bed. You try to remember anything that happened last night, but you were so tired, nothing comes to mind. If you didn’t have a broken foot, you would be concerned about waking up next to a god, but you also know he wouldn’t have done anything with your injury. He’s too kind (much to some disbelief).

“Good morning, darling.”

Loki leans over to you and kisses you on the forehead. He wasn’t as asleep as you thought he was, but you’re not complaining. Waking up beside this adonis isn’t the worst way to spend a morning.

“Good morning.”

“I don’t care what you say,” Loki smiles, brushing a piece of your hair behind your ear, “you’re staying in bed and I’m waiting on you.”

“That’s very sweet. Thank you.”

“I’m glad someone learned something last night.”

“Actually, I don’t remember a lot from last night. I was tired.”

“We bickered about me waiting on you, hand and foot.”

“Hmm, that sounds about right.”

“So, today I’m treating you like a proper princess.”

“Does that mean we’re together?”

Loki looks at you confused, but his face lights up when he realizes what you’re implying.

“I suppose so. In that case, my princess, I will wait on you.”

You watched as the god all day served you lunch and dinner. He brushed your hair and teeth. Helped you change clothes. Played your music to cheer you up. Even carried you to the bathroom when you had to go.

Thinking about all the things your friends have done for you and all of the things that Loki, your prince, has done, all you can say is how lucky you are.