#i really didn't want to cut any frames from gif 4 but i had to because it was over the limit 😭

[sescoups]

on my knees - choi seungcheol

masterlist

summary: your best friend and roommate is out of the country, and you come home to find nothing short of a disaster. who else would you have called but her brother?

word count: ~9k oops

a/n: I have no fucking clue what happened to me, but I just started writing and then didn't stop for like 4 hours so. here you go. you're welcome and also I'm sorry.

18+ MDNI!! warnings under the cut!

warnings: heavy kissing, seungcheol is the epitome of a Simp, p in v sex, unprotected sex (don't), oral sex (f receiving), slight size kink, let me know if I missed something!

You had been best friends with Sua since you were both six years old. One of the older boys had pushed you onto the ground, wanting to be ahead of you in the line for the slide. Most of the other kids had laughed as tears started pouring down your cheeks, your knee rubbed red and raw and your pretty dress covered in dust and gravel.

“Are you really so immature you can’t even wait your turn?” a small voice had piped up.

Through the haze of your tears, you had seen a pretty black-haired girl kneel down to help you out. She had brushed away the worst of the dirt from your dress, and leaned in to look at your knee.

“I don’t know much about scrapes,” she said thoughtfully, “but I think you should clean it. That’s what my mom always says to me and my brother.” Then she smiled before standing up and glaring at the boy again. “You’re a poopyhead, and I will never play with you.”

Thinking back on it as adults, you always laughed at her phrasing; even more amusing was the way the little boy had taken Sua’s comment way too seriously and tried to fight her in the playground. Before any of the adults had been able to intervene, Sua’s older brother had stepped between the two of them menacingly, arms crossed across his chest. He was three years older, so the other boy quickly back-tracked when faced with Seungcheol’s nine-year old frame. After the little boy had run away out of fear, crying, the two siblings had helped you off the ground and to your parents.

The rest was history; playdates as children, study dates in middle and high school, and spending every single summer vacation together. You had gone from climbing trees to shopping at the mall, and from learning the alphabet to crying your way through chemistry together. Well, you more than her, but still. The suffering was mutual.

Your dynamic remained largely unchanged throughout the years. You were the crier, and Sua was the fixer. You hated the way you cried at the smallest inconveniences, and often felt bad for Sua for having to fix it, but she always said it was cute. She said you were just like that, and that was okay. Sua had her own quirks, mainly being quick to anger - you reassured her that you didn’t mind holding her back from fights and silencing her before she could yell insults at undeserving people, so really, you were the same. Just, you know, in a different way.

Another thing that never really changed was the way Seungcheol took care of the both of you. He helped out with homework when he could, taught Sua how to fight (truly a dubious decision considering her anger, but that was his business and not yours), and scared away any icky boys that were mean to you.

It was a very different dynamic to how other siblings seemed to act, but since you were an only child, you wouldn’t really know. Though, to be fair, he seldom held back the snarky comments when the opportunity presented itself. He would roll his eyes whenever you cried, call Sua an idiot when she didn’t understand a math problem, and generally be a dick when you played games together. It was all in good fun, you supposed.

Now, being 24 years old and two years out of college, Sua was your roommate and your rock. She was the one who put up with your generally messy habits and lack of cooking acumen, and she only complained once a month or so. In return, you were the one to make sure bills were paid on time and keep the freezer stocked with ice cream during the hot summer months. A symbiotic relationship, if you’d ever seen one.

You saw significantly less of Seungcheol, though he was far from an uncommon fixture in your household. He knew the code for the keypad on the door, so sometimes he just showed up unannounced to raid your kitchen and take a nap on your couch, but you didn’t mind. He did tend to fix anything that was broken and clean up whatever you couldn’t be bothered to, so the transaction was fair in your opinion.

One fateful Tuesday, you received a call during your lunch break at work. Usually, you wouldn’t answer, preferring to take your 45 minutes to scroll down your social media feeds aimlessly while eating your food, but Sua had always had special privileges, so you picked up anyway.

“Hey, sorry, I know I’m interrupting your scheduled vegetable time,” she started, and you snorted in response.

“I am not eating anything with vegetables in it, and I think you know it.” You were opening the store-bought lunchbox while speaking, your phone tucked between your elbow and your cheek.

“If I didn’t cook you dinner every day, you would have scurvy,” she shot back without a second’s hesitation. “No, dumbass, I meant your own brain-turning-to-vegetable time. Duh.”

“Oh, that,” you replied, unphased by her insults and generally snarky tone. You were used to it. And also kind of deserved it.

“Yeah. Well anyway, something came up at work and I’m gonna have to take an unscheduled work trip.”

“Cool. Where to?”

“Tokyo, so not that far,” she sighed, and you could picture her running her fingers through her hair. She never did well with unexpected travel plans. “I have to leave tonight. I just thought I’d let you know, so you can make plans to get takeout tonight.”

You scoffed down the line, placing a forkful of bulgogi in your mouth and chewing quickly. God bless convenience store lunchboxes. “I know how to take care of myself, mom.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you slob.” Again, you could picture Sua’s nose crinkling in disgust. “I’m kidding, by the way. I know you can take care of yourself. Just letting you know I’m leaving so you don’t think I’ve been kidnapped or killed or something.”

“Thank God I don’t have to deal with the paperwork for a missing person,” you deadpanned and took a drink of your Sprite. “No but for real, enjoy the trip. I’ll be fine, and so will you.”

“Thanks,” your best friend sighed back. “I’ll be back in a week or so. I’m gonna go home and pack now, so if anything’s a mess when you get home- actually, nevermind. That doesn’t bother you at all. Bye.”

“Hey-” you started to protest, but the line went dead and you rolled your eyes.

Well. At least now you could have sushi for dinner without having to listen to Sua complain about the smell of raw fish.

You were so ready to become a couch potato as soon as you came home. One of the new employees at work, Jun, had screwed up a pretty important document, so you’d had to stay late and help him fix it. It wasn’t his fault, he was still new, but you were tired nonetheless. You took your shoes off by the door and turned the lights on in the kitchen, placing the bag of takeout on the counter before you heard it.

The water.

You had never had any issues with the pipes in your apartment, but something had obviously gone wrong with the pipes under the bathroom sink, because the floor was absolutely flooded. You gasped and shut your eyes tightly for a second, willing the problem to be miraculously gone as soon as you opened them again. Alas, no such luck.

The tears pressed behind your eyes, begging to make their escape. You tried to hold them back as you thought about what to do to solve the problem. The faucet wasn’t on, so it was definitely the pipes. Damn. You thought about calling the apartment management and asking for help, but their turnover time was two days at the best of times, and the office was already closed for the day. You heaved a deep sigh as you settled on the best option you could think of. You pressed the name in your contacts and begged the universe that he would pick up.

“What’s up?”

Seungcheol sounded relaxed and unbothered, and you could hear the chatter of a TV in the background. You hated to bother him, but hey, it was his little sister’s apartment too. You cleared your throat to try and get rid of the thickness in your throat brought on by the tears.

“Hey, Cheol,” you began, and you heard him sit up immediately and pause whatever was playing on the TV.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

He sounded worried; he usually only called you an endearment when he was worried or teasing you. Clearing your throat had evidently not been enough to get rid of the tears in your voice. Some of them finally escaped in tracks down your cheeks, and you swore, leaning your forehead against the doorframe.

“So uh, I just got home, and Sua isn’t here because she’s in Tokyo and I-”

“Y/N, I don’t care about Sua right now. I know she’s fine, she landed half an hour ago. What’s going on with you?”

“The guest bathroom is flooded, like completely, and I don’t know what to do.”

You heard the rustling of clothes and what sounded like keys jingling through the phone. “Jesus Christ, I thought you were fucking dying,” Seungcheol scolded, and you hiccupped a little, apologizing. “No, don’t worry darling, I’m coming over to help, okay?”

“Okay.”

You were sniffling, and you heard him curse under his breath. You hung up after a quick goodbye, and then you were left alone with the mess again. Looking closer, you realized that the bath mat was soaked along with a towel left on the floor. You sighed and took your socks off, deciding to do something productive while waiting for your knight in shining armor.

You took a picture and sent it to Sua, who replied immediately with a bunch of question marks and swear words directed to the apartment management. She also realized they would be no help at this hour. Great.

Once the soaked bath mat and towel were hung up and dripping into the tub as opposed to the flooded floor, you started clearing out some of the decorations that were taking up floor space. There was a giant plant, two laundry baskets, and a really heavy wooden dresser that held all your clean towels - you didn’t want the wood to rot.

You heard the door open while you were in the process of moving the plant. Honestly, you should have waited for Seungcheol to move this one; the plant was heavy as fuck and really awkward to carry, and you could feel your back protesting before you had even gotten it outside of the bathroom.

“What the hell, Y/N.”

The voice was closely followed by a pair of hands grabbing the plant from you and heaving it outside of the door in mere seconds. Showoff.

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asked after placing the plant down on a towel, grabbing your upper arm gently. You nodded, and he sighed, squeezing your arm. “Let’s see the- oh fuck.”

You couldn’t help it, you started laughing. Hysterically. The bathroom floor was covered in two inches of water, and the sound of more spraying out was echoing off the walls. Your best friend’s brother glared at you for two seconds before he started laughing too. It wasn’t funny, but it kind of was. How had this even happened? And how had Sua not seen anything when she was home to pack?

“Sorry, Cheol,” you giggled, wiping under your eyes to get rid of the tears that were still falling. Typical. “I, uh, wanted to move the plant and the dresser to make more room and-”

“Darling, that plant was almost heavier than you are. Not to mention that dresser. What were you thinking?”

His voice soothed your panic. He had been solving your problems for the past eighteen years, after all; this was nothing he couldn’t handle. He looked ruffled, you realized. He had been relaxing after a long day at work when you called, and had gotten to your apartment as fast as he could just to help you. And now he was here, being all nice and caring and calling you sweet names. You felt like a stupid child.

“I-I’m sorry. For calling you, I shouldn’t have, I-”

“Absolutely not. You can call me about anything at any time, you got that?” he asked sternly, gazing directly into your eyes. You swallowed, but nodded. His words gave you unwelcome butterflies, the intensity of his gaze making you look away.

“Got it,” you replied when a nod didn’t seem to be enough for him. “Uhm, so how do we deal with this?”

For a moment, the only sound you could hear was the steady spray of water coming from under the sink. You realized that all the products underneath would be useless now, and you would probably have to change out the entire cabinet housing the pipes. You felt a migraine start a steady throb against your temples, and you deflated even more, resting against the doorway.

“It’s okay, I’ll fix it for you, darling,” Seungcheol said softly, pulling you in for a hug. Your stomach erupted in butterflies again. You seriously needed some psychological help.  “Just go change, okay? You must be exhausted.”

You shook your head, but relented when he lifted an eyebrow at you. You went to your room and closed the door. For a moment, you just stood there, staring at nothing. Your bathroom was flooded. And your best friend’s brother was helping you fix it, calling you sweet nicknames and saying shit straight out of a romance novel - as if your dumb crush on him needed any more encouragement. You sunk onto the edge of your bed for a moment, just breathing deeply and blinking back more tears. Enough was enough.

When you were fourteen or so, you’d had a crush on Seungcheol. Who wouldn’t? He was tall, pretty, smelled good, and helped you with your homework. Ever since then, it would come and go, usually at the most inopportune times. You appreciated his looks pretty often, particularly when he came over to fix stuff for you and Sua, but you tried not to think about it much - mostly out of self preservation. He was still pretty, still nice, still smelled good, and whenever you let your mind wander for more than five seconds, you knew you were in danger.

You definitely should get it under control. First of all, he had known you since you were six. He had seen all your weird phases, watched you find your own identity, and that came with some really cringy stuff. Additionally, you were his little sister’s best friend. You had some loyalty to her, sure, but more than anything you were sure that he saw you as an extra sister or something. Considering the amount of time you had spent at their house growing up, that would only be logical.

Armed with the reminder of why he would never be into you, you shook it all off. You located your regular home attire - bike shorts and a big t-shirt which origins you forgot - and put your hair up and out of your face. Then you steeled yourself again, vowing not to cry at the sight of the water, and walked back towards the accursed bathroom.

You found Seungcheol on his knees in front of the open cabinet from where the water came. He was hunched over, hand in front of him to block some of the water and seemingly looking for something. His white t-shirt had been sprayed with water, and it was sticking to his chest. You gulped at the sight, repeating that he saw you as an annoying crybaby to yourself in order to stop the stupid butterflies that had seemingly taken up permanent residence in your guts.

“Do you need a flashlight or something?” you asked timidly, making him look up at you. He paused and blinked at you once, twice, before clearing his throat and nodding. You got out your phone and turned the flashlight on, carefully stepping in behind him so as not to splash him.

“I, uh, think we need to remove this middle shelf from the cabinet,” he said, having positioned himself to shield you from the spray.

“Alright,” you replied, placing your phone to the side and leaning to grab the shelf before being stopped by one of his hands. He had placed it carefully on bare skin so as not to get your clothes wet. Damn him. “What? I’ll just grab it and get it out of the way for you.”

He scoffed. “You’ll get wet.”

Now it was your turn to blink at him stupidly, eyes wide and questioning. You could feel your cheeks burning, as did your arm where his hand was resting. This stupid, stupid man was going to make you fall in love with him, and that just couldn’t happen. At all.

“Who cares, Cheol? It’s just water. Let me get it out of your way, and I’ll hold the flashlight again, okay?”

He grimaced, but let go of your arm. You grabbed both sides of the shelf and lifted it. It took a bit of pressure, but eventually it came loose. You backed up slowly and brought the shelf over the tub with the soaked bath mat and dirty towel. Gross.

Even though you had been fast, Seungcheol had been right; your entire torso was soaked with water. You decided that you could do something about it after the leak was dealt with, and so you just ignored it and grabbed your phone again. Your friend was staring at your front with a wrinkle between his brows, mouth open a little, and you rolled your eyes affectionately.

“Cheol.” He looked up at you. “It’s fine. I know you wanted to shield me or whatever, but it’s just a shirt. Now please, help me solve this?”

He nodded wordlessly and turned back to the considerably more spacious cabinet, taking a deep breath. His pout was cute, and you hated your heart for beating faster at the sight of him.

Seungcheol seemed to finally have found what he was looking for, and reached into the cabinet. You altered the angle of the light to make sure he could still see what he was doing despite the shadow of his arm. He grabbed ahold of something and started tugging, his biceps flexing distractingly and his eyebrows screwing up in effort. You were definitely not holding the flashlight in a particularly helpful way anymore, but thankfully your helper didn’t seem to mind.

After a second or two the water slowed before stopping completely, and you cheered out loud. The sound had somehow become grating after only an hour, and the silence was very much welcome. Seungcheol stood up with a wince, holding a hand to his back like an old man. Without thinking, you pulled him into you and gave him a bear hug. You felt tears prick at your eyes again, but held them back. You were just so grateful to have him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You felt him laugh against you before he wrapped an arm gently around you and returned the hug. You pressed your cheek to his chest, just standing there and enjoying the embrace for a while before your brain would inevitably come back online. You felt his chin press against the top of your head for a second before he pulled away suddenly.

“Shit, sorry, I’m all-”

“I said I don’t care, stupid,” you scoffed, but your cheeks were definitely getting red now. How could you have just grabbed him like that? And embraced him? You would have cried if you hadn’t been so tired your head felt like it was full of cotton.

Now that you thought about it, you were extremely tired. It felt like a movie effect, the way your blood pressure just suddenly dropped and you swayed to the side. You were expecting a splash and a very uncomfortable kiss with the tile floor, but instead you found yourself back in Seungcheol’s arms. Oh.

Again with the stupid romance novel shit. The universe was testing you for sure. How were you supposed to resist him, really? You were doomed. Even the thought of your infatuation with him being one-sided could no longer bring you back down to the ground. You were simply fucked.

“When was the last time you ate anything?”

And he cares? Fuck the universe, seriously.

“Uhm, I think it was lunch. I stayed pretty late at work, so-”

“Please tell me you have food.”

“Y-Yeah. It’s uh, it’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

Without hesitation, the man picked you up and carried you into the kitchen. Your heart was going crazy, as were the butterflies in your stomach. You were at a loss for words, just going limp in his arms as he brought you to the dining table and placed you on one of the chairs gingerly. You continued to simply blink at him as he disappeared back into the hallway and came back with his hoodie, pulling it over your head before disappearing into the kitchen.

You wanted to scream and kick your feet, because was this man even real? You had no idea how you had deluded yourself into thinking your feelings toward him were sisterly, because currently, your pussy was screaming for him to come ruin you. And honestly? Both your heart and your head kind of agreed at this moment. You were so screwed.

When he came back with your sushi all plated and a glass for the drink you had bought, you couldn’t help but let the tears come back. You hated that you were so weepy, especially in front of a man you apparently were head over heels for, but it was just who you were. You were sad? You cried. Happy? Cried. Angry? Waterworks. You were helpless to it, and apparently to him, too.

“Good job picking up food on the way back home,” he teased, placing the plate in front of you. Then he poured your drink into your glass for you, promptly ignoring the way you were wiping your cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Shut up, I’m an adult,” you pouted back. He snorted loudly and sank into the chair opposite you, looking at you as you picked up your chopsticks and got ready to eat.

“Sometimes, maybe,” he drawled with a smirk. You glared at him, but your teary eyes had little to no effect, and you knew it. “I’m kidding, baby. I know.”

He was still studying your face as you placed the first piece of heaven into your mouth, sighing happily and smiling in delight. It made him smile, too, and you could have died at the sight of his dimples. At this point, you had just accepted the butterflies and their claim to your stomach; doing anything else seemed futile.

“I’m sorry I’m so weepy, Cheol,” you said between bites, pouting a little. He shook his head but you interrupted him before he could speak. “No, really. There was no reason to cry so much, or so many times, but I just- I don’t know. I literally got home right before I called you, and that was, what? At around-”

“9.30.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair and tilting your head back in exhaustion. “9.30. I’m just tired, is what I’m trying to say.” You sat back up and huffed, sending him an embarrassed smile.

“And what I’m trying to say,” Seungcheol said while you readjusted the sleeves of his hoodie, “is to not worry about it. I know you’re an emotional person, but that’s okay.” He paused for a second, smiling when you almost dropped your sushi into the soy sauce. “Being emotional is just a tiny part of who you are. You excel at so much; it’s okay to have a few flaws. We all do, I promise. Besides, being emotional isn’t really a flaw, it’s just part of being human.”

At this, you couldn’t help but laugh a little. First of all, he was way too well-spoken to be a man in his twenties. Second of all, if he was implying that he, of all people, had any flaws, he was dead wrong. You had never seen him fail at anything, had never seen him do something awkward, even as a child. God, you wished he had, because maybe then he could have remained the brother of your best friend instead of becoming so incredibly meaningful to you.

“As if you have any flaws,” you mumbled, sticking another piece of food in your mouth. At least the sushi was good.

“Oh please, sweetheart. I’m twenty-seven and single. There’s plenty wrong with me.”

You shook your head vehemently. “Being single is not a flaw, you dummy. It’s just a relationship status. Who cares.”

“As if that’s all it is,” he laughed back.

“Okay, so the fact that I’m single reflects badly on me? ” you asked, raising an eyebrow. “Good to know.”

Your plate was empty, and your chopsticks were resting on the edge of it. The only sound in the apartment was a steady, slow drip from the drying bath mat in the bathroom. You were staring at one another from across the table. Why the tension suddenly was so thick was anyone’s guess. All you knew was that the air in your little kitchen suddenly felt suffocating.

“You’re single?” he asked after a while, and you laughed a little.

“Yeah, Cheol.”

“What about that dude, what was his name… Mingyu?”

“Ew,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “God no. We went on like, one date and then decided it was weird to be anything other than friends. He feels more like a brother than anything.”

“What about Chan?”

“Wh- Chan? That was four years ago,” you laughed, shaking your head. At the curious tilt of his head, you kept going: “He was fine, we just got stressed during college and broke up. It happens.”

Something about this line of questioning felt momentous, for a few reasons. One, he was inquiring about your dating life, a topic the two of you generally never talked about. Two, he remembered the name of potential partners that had been in your life, even ones that hadn’t stuck around for long (or at all, in Mingyu’s case). And three… the way he looked at you was different. There was something in his gaze that you couldn’t place, something you didn’t know if you dared hope for.

“Well he’s obviously an idiot,” Seungcheol said under his breath. You were probably not supposed to hear it, but you did. Your heart stuttered in your chest as he looked at you guiltily, as if he had done something wrong. “I just meant that- uhm.”

A few seconds passed in silence. You barely dared to breathe. You were hoping he would keep going, hoping he would clarify before your thoughts went way too far again. The tension was so thick it could have been cut with a knife. Finally, he let out the heaviest sigh you’d ever heard.

“No, you know what, I meant it. He was an idiot for breaking up with you, because anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Time stopped. What do you say after that? You wanted to scream with joy and jump his bones, of course, but you couldn’t exactly do that. What if he didn’t mean it like that? If he didn’t feel the way you hoped he was implying? Because he, or more specifically his sister, was such a huge part of your life, and awkwardness was just not an option.

“Are-” you started, but blinked and started over. “Are you… serious?”

“Of course I am, Y/N.” He sounded almost exasperated. He ran a hand through his slightly damp hair, making it fall over his forehead in the most attractive way you had ever seen. Fucking. Unfair. “I’m not- I mean. I get it if you don’t feel the same or anything, but-”

“Feel what, exactly?” When he stared at you in confusion, you elaborated. “Please be clear with me, Cheol. I don’t want to keep guessing.”

It had come out as a whisper, but he had heard you. His expression softened, and the wrinkle between his brows disappeared. His mouth was slightly open as he seemingly looked for the right words. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you almost felt it in your throat.

“Baby,” he started, and it made your breath hitch. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as dense as you are.”

“Hey!”

“No, seriously,” he kept going, not a single trace of evidence that he was joking, “do you actually mean to tell me you don’t know how I feel about you?”

“Look, I don’t-”

“I guess you don’t, and in that case, that’s my bad.” He got up from his chair and rounded the table, crouching next to your chair and grabbing your hand. “I am so ridiculously into you, it’s not even funny. Sua literally won’t stop teasing me about it, neither will my parents or my friends. No matter how hard I try I can’t stop thinking about you, but I’m honestly not sure I would want to even if I could. You mean so much to me, Y/N, and I really don’t want to be overbearing but I- fuck, I can’t-” he shuts his eyes in an attempt to collect himself, “I love you, baby, and if you don’t feel the same that’s fine, but I at least need you to know that I’m on my goddamn knees for you.”

Your glass, still containing some of your soda, toppled over from the force with which you left your chair. The way you threw yourself at Seungcheol forced him back, but you took the opportunity and placed yourself in his lap as you kissed him deeply. It took him half a second to respond, but then he was kissing you so ardently that you never wanted him to stop.

His arm wrapped around you from behind and pressed you to his chest. You could not give less of a shit that he was sprawled on your kitchen floor, or that you were down there with him, because you were kissing him. You were kissing the man that you most definitely had been in love with since you were a teenager, and fuck did it feel good.

“I, uh, take it you feel the same, then?” he asked after having reluctantly pulled away. You pressed your forehead to his.

“I bet that I have loved you longer.” You were breathing heavily, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours.

“Absolutely not,” he replied before kissing you again.

This time, you couldn’t hold back. You nibbled gently on his lower lip before soothing it over with your tongue. Seungcheol groaned deep in his chest and brought his left hand into your hair, pressing you even closer to him. He opened his mouth, letting your tongue tangle with his, and you felt the way he became jelly underneath you. You were not faring much better, your panties hot and sticky and your hands shaking. Despite this, you snaked one hand into his hair and tugged on it; his hips jumped in response, the action seemingly completely involuntary. You didn’t think you’d ever experienced anything hotter.

“Please, baby,” he heaved as you trailed your lips down his neck, “I can’t take it.”

You rolled your hips against his slowly, and that seemed to be his breaking point. He rolled you underneath him before standing up and taking you with him, carrying you into your bedroom while you followed the shape of his jaw up to his ear with your mouth. A shudder streaked through him as you sucked on the spot behind his left ear, his arms tightening around you and a hoarse moan leaving him.

You barely noticed him closing your bedroom door, only brought back to reality by the sensation of falling when he dropped you on your bed. You whined at the loss of contact, which made him smile; he loved the way you craved him, because honestly, he felt the exact same way about you. So he was quick to cover your body with his, his lips back on yours with a shuddered sigh from the both of you.

He felt so big above you, and yet you felt so safe. Not once had he done anything to hurt you. In fact, he had always been the one to take care of you and prevent you from being hurt. (Along with Sua, but you didn’t really want to think about her at that moment). His weight on top of you made you shudder in delight, your hands starting to wander. You played with the hem of his white t-shirt, still damp from the earlier bathroom catastrophe, but you didn’t care at all. All you wanted was to feel his skin against yours.

He was breathing as if he had run a marathon when he pulled away from your lips. He stared into your eyes, looking for any sign of reluctance, but not finding any.

“Are you sure, darling?” he asked, and your heart swelled about three sizes.

“I’m so sure, Cheol. Please, please, I need you.” You were properly whining now, but you were far past caring.

“Okay baby, okay,” he breathed, pulling away to get his shirt up and over his head. He was about to lay back over you, but froze and let his eyes wander your body. He shut his eyes, his forehead wrinkling once again as he took a few deep breaths. “You in my hoodie and underneath me, I can’t- Y/N, baby, I need a second, I’m so-”

You giggled a little before grabbing the hem of said hoodie, pulling it up and over your head. Apparently, that didn’t help, as Seungcheol’s grip on the sheets tightened and he cursed under his breath.

“I thought this would be better,” you said in confusion, blinking up at him.

“I’m actually going to die,” he gritted out, sounding as if he was genuinely in pain. “I don’t think you realize what seeing you in a wet t-shirt did to me earlier, sweetheart. What it’s doing to me now is just torture.” You flushed at his words, having forgotten that little detail. “Wait. Is that my shirt?” You glanced down and flushed even more when you realized it must be. “Fuck, gonna be the death of me, gonna fucking-”

He cut himself off by pressing his lips against yours again. Your head immediately got fuzzy again, the only thought you could formulate being that of his dick inside of you. When he ground his hips against yours and you felt the outline of it, you let out the most sinful moan Seungcheol has ever heard, which caused his hips to keep grinding into you without his brain’s permission. You disconnected your lips from his for just long enough to pull your wet shirt off your alarmingly hot body, and the man on top of you didn’t even have the strength to look at you without a shirt. He might actually have came in his pants if he did.

You didn’t even mind, because you finally had his skin pressed against yours. The heat of him poured over you, driving you absolutely insane and making you whimper against his lips. If he didn’t do something in the next minute, you would just have to take care of yourself.

“Cheol-”

“Please say it again,” he begged, his lips trailing down your neck toward your breasts.

“Cheol,” you sighed, and he moaned against your skin, his dick grinding perfectly against your clit even through four layers of fabric. You barely recognized your own sounds even as you felt them leave your lips, so high on his proximity you couldn’t have produced a thought if you tried.

When you repeated his name one more time he finally closed his lips around your right nipple, his deft fingers playing with the other and his cock still pressing deliciously against your pussy. Your hips lifted to grind back on him, and he actually whined for you.

“Seungcheol,” you whined, and his only response was a harsh thrust of his hips and another whine. “Please, take my shorts off, I need you to fuck me so bad.”

He let go of your nipple, chuckling as he looked into your eyes and dragged his hands down to rest on your hips. “Want these off?” he asked, flicking the elastic of your bike shorts against your skin. You nodded frantically, pressing your hips up into his again. He looked like he wanted to protest, so you decided to do the only logical thing and beg for his cock.

“Cheol, please please please, take my shorts off? I need it, please,” you begged, your eyes big and innocent as you stared into his. “I want your cock, baby, want it inside me, please.”

Honestly, it was no surprise that his confident facade crumbled along with his will to tease you any longer. If he was telling the truth, and you had no reason not to believe him, he had been in love with you for a long time. You had played dirty by begging him for his cock when he had already been on the verge of losing his mind - especially with those big, innocent eyes of yours. How was he supposed to say no to you?

“Evil, evil woman, fuck,” he muttered to himself as he all but tore the shorts down your legs along with your panties.

The sight of you, his absolute dream, naked beneath him made him believe in God for two whole seconds, for who could have accomplished something like you but an almighty deity? He must have shaped you with his own two hands, he thought, before coming back to his senses and thinking that no, you were a creation of your own. No one but you could have accomplished something like you.

With very little preamble, Seungcheol lowered himself between your thighs, kissing up the inside of each thigh as he went. He looked up and met your gaze, and you had never seen a more erotic sight. Sure, other people had gone down on you before, but none of them had been Seungcheol; none of them had been the one that counted. His big brown eyes met yours, and you swore you saw raw hunger in them.

“May I, baby? Please?”

“You- You’re begging to eat me out?” you asked, in complete and utter shock. You had figured this was somewhat of a chore to him, something that needed to be done both to woo you and to prep you for his cock. One look at his glazed eyes had you changing your mind.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. His voice was hoarse and his eyes desperate, that simple look giving you enough material for many fantasies in the future. “Please, let me eat you out?”

What were you supposed to do, say no? Absolutely not. You simply nodded at him, and he fucking dove for it. His tongue explored your folds gently but firmly, and as soon as the flavor of you met his taste buds, he was in heaven. His hips ground into the mattress of their own volition as he was lapping at you, his tongue mapping you out and figuring out what brought you the most pleasure.

Seungcheol’s eyes were shut in pleasure, your juices covering his chin all the way up to his nose, but he couldn’t think of anything better. He wanted to drown in you, on his stomach between your legs, or - if he was allowed to dream - underneath you while you were grinding all over his face, taking all the pleasure you could from him.

You weren’t exactly complaining, either. His tongue felt divine, moving to gently circle your clit before he sucked it into his mouth. When your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging in pleasure, your lover let out a grunt that sent vibrations traveling through your entire body.

“F-Fingers, Cheol, please-”

He just grunted an affirmative and pressed his middle finger into you slowly. The warmth surrounding his finger drove him insane, making his hips press harder against the mattress and his eyes squeeze tighter. Having something to clench down on brought your pleasure to even greater heights, and you started to feel the familiar tightening signaling your release. You had felt the outline of his dick earlier, and you knew you would need another finger to make him fit.

“Another, I need you to fit later, baby.”

Your voice came out shaky, but the man consuming your pussy like it was the best meal he’d ever had didn’t seem to mind. He simply let his ring finger join his other inside you, grunting when he felt how tight you were around him. The tightening in your lower belly grew more and more intense by the second, the filthy noises of Seungcheol devouring you bringing you that much closer to the edge. You let out a mewl that sounded like it came straight from a porno, and felt his grip tighten on your thigh.

“I’m so close, baby, so close, please-”

“Come for me,” he growled hoarsely before resuming his delicious torture of your clit.

You followed his request a second later, moaning loudly and squirming around on the bed. His free hand pressed down over your hips to keep you still as he coaxed you through it, and he didn’t stop until the overstimulation almost hurt.

His fingers left your pussy gently, absolutely covered in your slick. You blushed as he put them in his mouth, moaning at the flavor as if you were the best thing he’d ever tasted. And to him, you were. He would remember the flavor of you until the day he died.

Your chest was rising and falling as you gulped down air. The way Seungcheol couldn’t help but grind into the mattress again made you want to cry, because how could he be so perfect? And how could he want you, of all people?

When he kissed you again, you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue, and you loved it. It was a reminder of just how voraciously he had just eaten you out, and you took the opportunity to reach down and cup him over his underwear. He hissed and pulled his hips back, panting already.

“I- you can’t.”

“But, baby I just want to return the favor-”

“My love, if you touch me again I can’t guarantee that I will have faculties to be inside you.”

His words made you laugh, both because of how ridiculous his phrasing was, but also because of the effect you seemed to have on him. Had he really been driven so far by making out with you and making you cum? It seemed like it.

“I love you so much,” you ended up breathing out. He gazed into your eyes so adoringly you felt like time stopped again.

“I love you more, Y/N.”

His response prompted you to kiss him, and he deflated on top of you. As he sunk further into your embrace, his still-covered dick brushed against your wet core, and the whine he let out was almost pathetic.

“I hate to ruin the moment, but please, let me be inside you now. I think I’ll die if I can’t,” he confessed. You laughed out loud again before nodding, kissing and sucking a trail down his neck while he removed his boxers. “Condom?”

“I don’t have any, but I have an IUD and I’m clean.” You could practically see Seungcheol’s brain grind to a halt. “But, I mean, if you don’t want to we can just wai-”

“No!” he almost yelled, his entire face flushing pink. “No, I’m clean too, and I- fuck, I would love to be inside you without a condom.”

You nodded, and he took a deep breath. The thought of having him inside you without a barrier excited you to no end, and it seemed he felt the same. You kissed him passionately again while he lined himself up with your core, and moaned through a sigh as he pushed into you. He didn’t have a monster cock or anything, but it was still bigger than what you were used to taking.

As he bottomed out, he let out a punched out sigh. You could feel him shaking on top of you, and did your best not to move or clench down on him. Unfortunately, your pussy didn’t exactly obey you and clenched down anyway. It made Seungcheol’s breath hitch, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight so as not to look at you while he was trying not to cum.

“I swear,” he wheezed, “you are going to kill me.”

His words made you chuckle, which in turn made him groan and bury his face in the crook of your neck. You were ready for him to move, and told him as much, but he still needed a second. You could feel tears sting the corners of your eyes, as per usual feeling weepy as soon as you felt a big wave of emotion. To distract yourself, you locked your lips with his and kissed him with all the passion you had left to give.

As your tongue tangled with his he groaned low in his throat, and his hips thrust into you of their own accord. Once he had started, he couldn’t stop, and you didn’t want him to. He started out fairly slow, taking his time to make sure you weren’t hurting at all. Then you accidentally clenched down on him, and he could no longer hold back.

He started pounding into you, his cock reaching the deepest parts of you and making you dizzy. You moaned out every time the tip of him hit the spongy spot inside you, and you couldn’t help the way you were clenching around him. You were hurtling toward your end so fast it was almost alarming. He filled you up so perfectly, so perfectly thick and long, it was as if you were made for one another.

Seungcheol was mumbling an endless stream of praise, grunting every time your cunt squeezed him a bit tighter. He felt like he was in heaven, your slick walls molded around him in a way that made him mourn the time spent doing anything other than this. He wanted to keep you like this, impaled on his cock and making you feel as good as you ever had.

Sadly, he was so wound up he wouldn’t be able to last as long as he usually did. While he didn’t blow immediately as he had been worried he would, he started feeling his balls drawing up around five minutes in. The way your nails were scratching down his back wasn’t helping his situation.

In an effort to save himself from cumming before you, he lowered a hand to circle the nub of your clit gently. The extra stimulation was exactly what you needed to build the rest of the way to the edge, and you tangled your hands in his hair as your thighs shook.

“Please, Cheol, baby, I’m gonna-”

“Oh thank God, please cum around me, baby, wanna feel it,” he begged, and it did the trick.

Your orgasm was spectacular, your entire body feeling like it was on fire as you exploded around him. You were moaning his name, clawing at his back and arching your back to the high heavens. Your toes actually curled. It was the orgasm of orgasms.

Seeing you like that, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he brought you pleasure was enough for Seungcheol to follow you over the edge. He came so hard he saw nothing but white, his hips stuttering as he spilled himself into you. His face was pressed into your neck, but his moans could not be concealed even if he tried.

You both lay there, panting and soaked in sweat, for a pretty long time before he finally pulled out and rolled off of you. He sprawled on his back and stayed like that, his eyes shut in complete and utter bliss and his heart beating out of his chest. Your hair was an absolute bird’s nest around you, and there were tear tracks running down your cheeks and into your hairline.

You clumsily flopped over to rest against his side, and he pulled you in until your head was resting right over his heart. You slung your bare leg over his waist, and he groaned in what sounded like agony.

“You can’t do this to me,” he whined, and you giggled lightly at him.

“I just put my leg on you, baby,” you said, looking up at him innocently, and he had to shut his eyes for a second and remind himself he wasn’t dreaming. You, yourself weren’t entirely convinced all this wasn’t a dream; and if it was, you never wanted to wake up.

“Okay, well you’ve just seen what seeing you in a hoodie and bike shorts does to me, so,” he reminded you, and you bit back a grin. It was good to know you could tease him easily.

You laid in silence for a while, just listening to his heart beating against his ribcage. Every once in a while it would slow down, and then he would look down at you and it would speed back up. Your heart seemed to match the pace of his, and you found that you loved it that way.

“So, “ Seungcheol started, and you pulled yourself up on your elbow to look at him as he talked. “That… just happened.” You snorted into a laugh, and he joined you, flicking your forehead gently. “I uh, I’m going to a work thing on Friday. I usually don’t bring a date because, well, because I’m usually single, but maybe, this time, I could bring you?”

You blinked at him slowly, admiring him in the light from your bedside lamp. He was pretty no matter what, but with his cheeks glowing and his eyes glittering, he was beyond what was natural, in your opinion. You stroked a bit of his hair behind his ear and hummed.

“I mean, are you not single anymore?” you asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Uhhhh-” he was interrupted by your laughter, and he pouted at you jokingly. “Don’t do that! I get scared I fucked up,” he said and rolled over to wrap his arms around you.

“I’m sorry,” you giggled, “I just don’t know either.” You paused. “Hey Cheol?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

At your words, his entire face lit up. He started giggling and buried his face in your hair, trying to hide from view. Even still, you knew he would be blushing. His arms squeezed tighter around you as he pulled you even closer, and you didn’t even mind that you couldn’t breathe.

“I was going to ask,” he ended up whining once brain function had returned to him. “Can I?”

“I mean, sure?” you answered, trying your hardest not to just lean in and kiss away his pout. Your willpower sucked, so you did it anyway.

“Great! Hey, Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?”

You bit your lip to hold in your laughter, but all it did was summon your boyfriend’s gaze to your mouth. You released it and broke out into a huge grin, nodding.

“I would love nothing more.”

“So what you’re saying is,” Sua said thoughtfully, “you finally put him out of his misery?”

It was a week later, and you were sitting on your balcony with Sua and drinking coffee. The bathroom floor was now dry, and while the stupid bath mat had been unsalvageable, everything else had been fine. The apartment management had gotten the leak fixed after five days, proving that calling Seungcheol had been the right choice for more reasons than one.

Even thinking about him, you couldn’t help but smile. Your boyfriend. The one who had brought you to a work function as your first date, and the one who had gotten jealous because you had greeted a coworker of his when he was getting you a drink. The one that had helped you save your apartment from water damage. The one you had loved for the past decade.

“Okay but how could I have put him through misery if I didn’t know he liked me, hm?” you asked, raising an eyebrow at your friend. She had her eyes closed, face turned toward the sun like an old lady.

“You cannot be serious,” she said incredulously, turning toward you and opening her eyes wide to show her shock. “You’re telling me you didn’t know Cheol was in love with you? He has been so down bad for you since we were like fourteen, man. He bought you flowers for your graduation. He reminded you to take your allergy pills before going to a dog café.” You flushed a little at your own blindness, but Sua just sighed and turned back toward the sun, her eyes closed again. “At least it will be easy to kill him if he hurts you.”

a/n: if you liked this, please don't forget to like and reblog! <3

masterlist

[mikobeautifulheart]

Intervention

Sukuna x reader

Mentions of kidnapping ig and arranged marriage.

like 700 wordsish (Correct me if u want idc)

NOT EDITED

Synopsis: You were going to go get married off to the Gojo clans strongest, how ever you disappear when your marriage is announced. The only clue anyone has to your disappearance is the monster lurking in the near by woods.

(Set in medieval times with Sukuna's true form)

You sat before your parents respectfully as you were taught, these times were so unfair to a woman.

You were just told that you were going to be married off to the Gojo clans heir and that its an honor to be his wife.

In all honesty, you didn't care. Since the day you were conscious you were reminded not to get attached to anyone because in the end you would always be married off in the end with no say.

You did remember those days where you didn't bother as much with life, the ones where you snuck out and hid in the woods not to far from your family's estate. You went there because no one would go look for you there.

There was a rumor around that there was a beast, a hideous killer hiding out in those woods, one with blood red eyes and a violent nature. You were convinced that it was just another way of scaring kids out of the woods so they wouldn't run away or play in the woods anymore so it never stopped you.

Offten you would get fed up in the day and escaoe in the night, crying silently as you ran into the woods. This was almost every night as a child because of the harsh reality hitting you.

Learning that you couldn't play with other kids because of their status? Crying in the woods.

Being taught hard complicated etiquette lessons as a child? Woods.

Brothers getting better treatment AND getting acknowledged at dinner? Woods.

You learned that the world was unfair and that it would stay that way. Would it?

The night when you were told you had an arranged marriage you thought you would handle the inevitable news fine, but something in your heart throbbed. Something about not even knowing the man you were to marry killed you. You slowly walked into the woods trying to keep your eyes clear so you wouldn't trip over something.

"How do you even marry a man you don't know?" You hicced before stopping at a rock in the middle of the woods and breaking down on it.

"I though I would be okay." You said not even trying to wipe your tears anymore.

The woods were silent until you heard an abnormally loud crash, a whole tree had crashed to the ground. Your head peaked up from your curled up body. In sheer disbelief you saw a tree cut at the stump and something, someone, standing behind it.

You stared waiting for it to move, as it stood still you noticed that it had 4 piercing red eyes and four arms as well as its abnormally large frame.

A chill ran down your spine. This was the monster that they warned you about all those years ago, it really wasn't a myth. Looking at it now you could say they even down played it.

Not even willing to stay any more you slowly turned your back to it and ran off the rock. You tried to munover yourself between all the trees but the forest was to dense. You heard swift wind cutting noises behind you speeding up and it made your adrenaline kick in.

You started to push through the smaller trees and shrubbery but they just ended up slowing you down, you went to finally reach the dirt path out but your foot got hooked on a log.

Just before your face hit the ground you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist and hold you up above the ground.

You opened your mouth to scream for help but a large hand covered it. You struggled tirelessly kicking and muffled screams but it was no use.

"Shush brat, I can help you." A low voice practically growled into your ear. You tried to turn your head away but the hands grip was to strong.

"All you have to do is close those pretty eyes of yours and all your problems will go away." This only made your eyes widen, what could he mean? Was he going to kill you? Rip you to shreds and eat your raw body? Torture you to death?

You struggled even harder but still, no use.

"I said I can help you, are you even listening?" It growled.

You only let out muffled sounds, digging your nails into his arm. He didn't even notice.

"You'll thank me later." He said before he started to carry you away.

Half way there you gave up on escaping but that didn't mean you weren't afraid.

You came to a hult abs saw a large shrine like place that you were being taken into. You were more amazed at this point, you were never told what was in the forest let alone what structures hid in the trees.

As soon as he walked under the large gate the strong smell of blood, it was so strong it almost made you gag.

The crunching of bones under his steps were sickening, but it just made him smile even wider.

Eventually he carried you inside where he dropped his hand and practically dropped you, the sheer size of his torso was inhuman.

"Wha-what do you want from me?!" You said moving away from him.

"I'm sure I don't taste good, I mean I'm like old, 20 is pretty old"

"And I'm 530 years old, I'm sure your blood is delicious."

Your eyes went white. Were you actually going to die here? No way in hell were you going to let that happen. But what if you went back? Would you still be married off?

"Why were you so loud today, you usually don't cry that much."

You froze, usually? What dose he mean usually? How long had he watched you?

"I-I didn't want to be married off..." You said.

"I dont even know the man so how can I marry him?" You looked at the mosters face.

Forget it this was not the time, you needed an escape.

"Then don't marry him." He said stepping toward you.

"You-are you serious? You just took me! You kidnapped me and I don't even know you either!" You said walking backwards until you were stopped by a wall.

"Now thats not true, I'm sure the towns people have talked about me." He said with a smirk.

"Yes, that you're a cold blooded killer and cannibal!" You jumped as he put his 4 arms either side of you.

You ducked down and ran past him deeper into his estate. You didn't even know where you were running you just stopped when your lungs felt life they were going to crush.

The strong smell of blood made you fell like you were going to throw up. You put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself before you looked up and saw a pile of bones. Lots of bones. Some of them still had flesh on them and were dripping blood.

Your eyes widened when you looked down at your feet and saw a human arm before your eyes trailed closer into the pile barely just spotting a human face under the bones.

You were about to focuse you attention on the body infront of you before a large hand covered your eyes.

"You weren't supposed to see that" he said in an almost sympathetic tone.

He stood still as he felt warm tears touch his hand.

You removed your shakey hand from your mouth.

"I-I don't want to die" You said unable to stop yourself. This-thing that took you is a murderer, everything they said was true. You were sure he was going to kill you, eat the flesh off of your very bones.

Thinking that this was it you made little attempt to come to peace with yourself.

"I should have just got married off. At least I could pretend to be happy."

The room was silent, all you could hear was the blood dripping. You felt your body being picked up and carried out of the room, but a hand still blocked your view. As if it mattered, you didn't really want to see how you died or know when it happened.

You felt your body being lowered on something soft before there was a sinking feeling on both of your sides. The hand moved off your face slowly to reveal just a tiered you. The tears weren't sad, they were frustrated and now you had no reason to cry as it came to an end.

"You don't have to pretend. Tell me what you want, i'll give it to you, i'll make you happy" The large body said as it hovered over your own.

You tried to cover your face with your arm but his hand held it away.

"I just want to be happy, I just want to be free." You said feeling the tears falling again.

"I can't set you free." He sighed

"But I can try make you happy, you just need to stay here forever."

It was a long shot but you already knew there was no escaping.

You just looked up at him and nodded ad he wiped your tears away with one hand.

"Fine, I'll stay."

It's not like you had anything to lose anyway.

THANK YOU FOR READINGGGGGG ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: I hate how its only good at the end, maybe that means I need a part 2. Well...yeah. Have a good what ever time.

[thisisourlovestory]

Safe and Sound

Finnick Odair x reader soulmate AU

Summary: you are a victor from district 4. The Quarter Quell has just been announced. How will you cope with the turn of events coming your way.

Word count- 2.1k

Please bear in mind that this is my first fanfic. It will be multiple chapters but release dates are uncertain as I am fairly busy and also procrastination is my best friend. I am open to constructive criticism if you have any. Thanks and enjoy!

Prologue:

The moment President Snow said those words I froze. I couldn’t breathe. Because I could be going back in. Back into the arena. My breath came in short gasps and I leaned against the wall. When I finally gathered the courage to go out the others were already there, Annie, Finnick and Mags. Huddled together in the centre of victor's village, Annie’s face red with tears, Mags opening and closing her mouth in what could only be anger. And Finnick holding himself together, just barely but managing it, holding Annie tightly in his arms as if she was the only thing stopping him from breaking. 

I stood on the porch, leaning against the wooden frame of my house, arms crossing my body. None of them noticed me, I was invisible to them. I was the victor they didn't need, I was just a pretty thing for the capitol to put on display every night. Most of the time I stayed away from victor's village and none of them ever made any attempt to get to know me, I guess I just faded into the background for them. It's not really their fault, they didn't expect me to survive my games, no one did, I was just another tiny thirteen year old in the 68th Hunger Games, no allies, no weapons, no food and no hope. Just a pair of worn ballet shoes and a small bag I had nicked to keep them in. I would have died in the bloodbath had a tribute from 10 not stepped in front of an axe meant for me. I remember the blood splattering across my face as he fell onto me, I had pushed him off, grabbed his bag and ran into the forest. 

I barely managed to survive, the frozen wasteland was unforgiving, animals were scarce but there had at least been enough water. At the end of the first day there had been eight cannons, the second three, the third five, the fourth two, the fifth another two. There were four of us left, the others all career tributes who had plentiful supplies and an alliance. I was able to hide from them for five more days before they had found me. Their leader, Arion from district 2, had shot me in the arm as I tried to get away, I fell and my blood painted the crystal white snow red. They weren't smart now that I think about it, they wanted to play with me; that was their mistake. I killed the girl first, hit her over the head with my ballet shoes, the hard box disorienting her long enough for me to slit her throat with her own knife, the cannon sounded and I killed her district partner as well, piercing his heart with the same knife. That had only left Arion.

I avoided him for a few days but he found me again, probably following the trail of blood I left behind. Except this time I was ready for him. I struck first, flinging my shoes through the air, hitting him on the temple, a trickle of blood falling from the cut formed. He reacted quicker than I expected, swinging his sword wildly, but I was small and fast- like a little bird my mother always said- I threw the knife in a practised motion, letting go of the handle, spinning it slightly, my hand following the line as it hit him dead centre in the chest. He had stared at me. In shock and disbelief that I'd been able to best him. The final cannon went off and I had won. I was the victor of the 68th annual Hunger Games.

For a while it was okay, chauffeured around, fussed over and doted on by my stylists, I was living the dream of every child. But it got old, I became used to people cooing over me, patting my hair, asking me questions. And then I discovered that even if you get out of the arena, you never truly win, you always have to give back something of yourself, a repayment of sorts. You get to live and we get you was how it sounded when President Snow made me the offer. Except it wasn't an offer, it was an order; that's how I found myself as a Capitol slave at the age of fourteen, performing night and day for the rich, barely getting a second's rest. Dancing until my toes bled through my shoes, smearing red across the delicate satin. Singing until my throat was raw and I coughed up the same red my shoes now were. 

The only person who ever offered me some comfort was Finnick. About a month after my games had ended I started having nightmares, I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night and he would hear me and come over to make sure I was okay. We formed a kind of friendship, me thirteen and traumatised, him seventeen and still carrying on. He would fall asleep watching over me, reassuring me that I was okay, I got out. We fell into a routine and by the time I was fifteen the nightmares were a rare occurrence. Then Annie won and it all changed. She became the priority for him, the priority for everyone, she had been broken in the arena and her mind never seemed to fully return to her. I thought he would come back to me, but as I woke up screaming one night and there was nobody there to hold me while I cried, as another scream pierced the air; a door slammed open and I saw Finnick running across to Annie's house, I knew I had lost him. I had lost the one person who I had loved and who truly seemed to care about me. 

I watched them grow closer to each other. He built her up again brick by brick, unknowingly tearing me apart again piece by piece until I was nothing but an empty shell. He stopped her nightmares, whispering soothing words to her as I tossed and turned, eventually I would wake up, sweating and screaming, eyes wide and frantic as I clutched the knife I kept by my bedside. But no one ever came. I couldn’t blame Annie, she was the kindest person I knew and it wasn't her fault Finnick loved her, it wasn't her fault he didn't love me. 

So I dealt with it. I swallowed the pain that welled up in me and buried every thought I had ever had about him deep in my memory, never to see the light of day again. And it worked, I got on with life, going about my daily routine, dancing, singing, eating, sleeping, then doing it all again. I attended parties in the Capitol, laughing and smiling at people, agreeing with their every word. I wasn't happy, but I didn't need to be, I just needed to be alive.

So that was how I found myself after the announcement of the Quarter Quell, watching Mags, Annie and Finnick from the sidelines. My face blank as they comforted each other, not sparing me a second glance. They had all but forgotten I existed. I waited for them to go inside before I ran out of the large gates separating us from the rest of District 4. I ran along the cliffs, wind whipping my hair into a tangled mess. I reached the edge and stood still, staring out at the roiling ocean, grey waves crashing against the shoreline, foam spraying the cliff face. My heart was pounding in my ears, drowning out the sound of the sea. The air grew cold around me as my chest constricted and I gasped for breath. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. 

Tears poured down my face as I sank to my knees and cried. Guttural sobs tearing from my throat, my chest heaving with each one as I clutched the grass beneath me. Fingers digging into the wet soil, clenching and unclenching in time with the beating of my heart as I tried to ground myself. Gradually, my heart slowed and I pulled my hands out of the ground. I breathed shakily, dirt trapped under my nails as I scratched at the skin on my wrist. I lifted it up so I could see the mark laying there. Stark black against pale skin. Forever inked on my body. A trident and a flower, interwoven with each other.  

It was a soulmark. It appeared when I turned 17, as they did for every other person. The person with the same mark is my soulmate, they could be anyone. But I already know who it is even if he doesn't. I saw it one night and then when I got mine I knew immediately but by that point it was already too late. He was already in love with Annie. I stared at it, it wasn't very noticeable, easy to hide from people; pretty as well I suppose, then again they say it's the most beautiful things that are the most dangerous. And this mark, this tiny little mark held the power to destroy me if the wrong person so much as caught a glance of it. I let out a soft laugh, how pointless it all seemed now that everything I had could be taken from me again. I had worked so hard to build up this facade, pretending everything was fine and with a few words it had all come crashing down. 

I shook my head and stood up, giving a last look to the sea as I turned and walked back the way I had come. People talking about the announcement anywhere I pass, I paid them no mind, holding my head high as my feet hit the cobblestones with sharp thwacks. 

“Who do you think will be reaped?”

“It's such a shame really.”

“We only have three victors anyway.”

I ignored them all, they pretended I didn't exist and I'd do the same for them, it's not as if they cared. I finally reached the small gathering of houses the victors lived in and stood outside the gate. The metal tarnished from years of standing in the elements, wooden stakes seeming to wilt under my heavy gaze. I reached out a shaky hand and pushed the metal forwards, opening it only slightly so I could slip in without making the usual clanging sound. I slowly walked towards the fountain in the centre of the square and sat down on the edge, trailing my fingers in the water as my gaze focused on the centrepiece. A mermaid, carved from marble, her hair flowing in the current, tail curving up to the sky, each scale distinguishable. A steely expression was painted on her face, that of a commander, a leader. An odd message from the Capitol, to show the mermaid as being powerful, to show us as powerful, and yet hidden in the water below the statue, in the basin of the fountain, laid a golden net. A message that we had won, but we would always be theirs and we could never escape. 

My hand ran through my hair as I hummed quietly to myself, my other hand drifting along the water as I sat cross legged on the edge of the fountain. My eyes wandered across to Mags’ house where they had all decided to go. They were talking amongst themselves, Mags placing a reassuring hand on Finnick's shoulder and him muttering calming words to Annie. I felt sick, all the feelings I had locked away bubbled back to the surface because why could it not be me? Why was it her? What had I done wrong? My eyes watered slightly as I tried to hold back tears at the sight of them being so sickeningly perfect for one another. Not that it should've been me in his arms but it would be nice to know someone cared enough to check up on me, help me through the hard moments in life. Once upon a time I had thought he was that person and look where that got me, in deeper pain than I had been before. 

I sighed deeply, taking in lungfuls of fresh air, and started up the steps to my house, the front porch, a few small plants in ornate pots, wisteria growing up the trellis, light purple blooms adding a little something to the otherwise grey picture. I took a last look at them across the square, smiles on their faces as if they had forgotten the news we received earlier. I guess that's what happens when you have people you can talk to, who understand and try to help. I twisted the doorknob, stepping inside, closing the door behind me, leaning against it for support. I didn't notice the eyes that watched me. Or maybe I just didn't want to. 

[youunravelme]

to all the girls you loved before part 4

author's note: thank you so much for your patience, if i'm being honest, this part was really hard to write because of the hype last part got. i don't want to disappoint anyone and i think i let that fear dictate how long it took me to write this. BUT thank you all for all the love and kindness you showed me as you read this series, i'm so excited to keep writing because of you! again, if you asked to be tagged and you aren't listed below, chances are tumblr wouldn't let me. :(

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, very volatile/toxic relationship

day thirty-four

bile rose in the back of your throat.

was that the proper reaction to finding out that the guy your roommate had been fucking for the past month was your boyfriend? it didn't feel like an overreaction.

you headed back to your room, hands closed over your ears to drown out the moans and groans coming from across the hallway. you slammed your bedroom door and started grabbing shit out of drawers and throwing it into a duffle bag you found on your floor.

the moans stopped and through the thin walls, you could hear mumbling.

"don't try to be considerate now!" you shouted. shuffling was heard on the other side of the wall before your door was pushed open, jason standing in a pair of boxers with hickeys all down his chest. natalie came in a second later dressed in one of jason's favorite shirts.

you would know, you used to wear it all the time until it went missing.

"you--" but natalie cut herself off. maybe it was the look on her face or the presence of the divine interfering on her behalf before you smacked her.

"where are you going?" jason asked.

"i'm not sure yet, but i'm not staying here any second longer." you stood to your full height with the duffle bag in your hand. as if a switch flipped, jason smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

"you're not going anywhere."

you scoffed. "what?" because surely you heard wrong.

"did i stutter?"

this fucker.

"i'm leaving." you made a move towards the bedroom door, but his frame blocked it. "jason, i'm not fucking around."

"neither am i. we need to talk about this. and you're not going anywhere until we do."

"i think your moans said enough. now move."

"or what?" your phone rang and mat's contact picture lit up the screen. "of course it's him. why is he calling?" jason sneered.

you answered without acknowledging jason. "hello?"

"hey, you never texted me to say you got in alright. you okay?"

you looked between your roommate and soon-to-be ex boyfriend. "keep the car running, i'll be down in a few minutes."

a pause. "do i need to come up?"

"no, i'll be down in a few." your eyes never left jason's.

"stay on the phone," mat said.

"okay."

"tell mat to mind his business," jason said. "this is between us."

you kept the phone in your hand. "you can't tell me what to do. especially in an apartment where you don't pay rent."

he looked almost dumbfounded at your boldness, so you took advantage of that lack of awareness to shove your way past the both of them.

you made it to the living room before jason was shouting after you down the hallway. "we're not done here."

before you could stop yourself, you whipped around, filled with rage for what felt like the tenth time that night. "yes, we are. this relationship? over. this conversation? over."

in a flash, jason was in front of you, ripping the duffle bag out of your hands and tossing it down the hall, away from you.

and the realization hit you right as jason started screaming at expletives again.

fuck the bag, you needed to get out before he did something to you.

so you bolted, running towards the front door, flinging it open, and sprinting towards the stair case. if you had a clearer head, you might've waited for the elevator, but you wouldn't put it past jason to run out in the hallway with nothing but his boxers on.

you sprinted down the stairs, nearly slipping a few times, until you got outside.

mat immediately caught your eye and hung up the phone before jumping out of the car. "are you alright?" he asked. you couldn't speak, only nodded and let him open the car door for you.

not even the traffic sounds could fill the silence in the car.

from the corner of your eye, you could see mat glancing at you before turning his attention back to the road. "do you wanna talk about it?"

you tried to speak, but it was like the events of the night caught up to you. the words got stuck in your throat. "i--"

"i'm sorry," mat said. "i shouldn't have asked. let's get you back to my apartment and we'll sort things out there, okay?"

unable to say anything, you just nodded.

mat said before reaching over and clapping a hand on your knee. "it's gonna be okay. i'm not gonna let anything happen to you, alright?"

you nodded again.

mat took his hand back and for a moment, you contemplated reaching over for it, thankful for the way it grounded you even just briefly, but ultimately decided against it. you might not have a lot of friends, but you can guarantee you've never held their hands before.

the rest of the trip was spent in silence.

mat parked the car and immediately got out while you sat there to take a moment to breathe. he gently got ella out and slung the diaper bag over his shoulder before opening your door. "i'm all for taking a deep breath, but i would advise against it in a car at night."

you managed a weak chuckle through your tears and got out.

the doorman greeted the three of you with a small smile on his face as you walked into the lobby. he didn't ask any questions when he saw the tear tracks on your cheeks.

mat led you up to his apartment. he shuffled ella around in his arms to try to reach his keys, but when she started stirring he froze.

"would you get my keys out of my pocket?" he whispered.

you nodded solemnly before asking where his keys were.

"back left."

you carefully put your hand in his back left pocket, being sure not to touch any unsavory parts of him. when you retrieve his keys, you bypass his free hand entirely, choosing to unlock the door yourself.

mat followed behind you, shutting the door with his foot and locking it with his free hand. "i'm gonna put her down real quick. and then i'll get you something to change into."

"you don't have to--"

"i'd be a horrible friend if i made you sleep in jeans. it's no big deal, i promise."

and with that, he disappeared down the hallway while you stood in the living room processing what the hell had just happened. it seemed like the full weight of what had actually occurred just thirty minutes prior finally hit you like a tidal wave. there was no telling how long you stood there crying before being you were pulled into a firm chest.

"it's okay," mat said with a hand running up and down your back. "whatever happened is over now." he held you until your hiccuping cries stopped. you nodded against his chest before pulling away and wiping at your face. "i left the clothes on the guest bed if you wanna go get changed. the shower is free as well."

you mumbled a small thanks and headed down the hall.

on the bed was a pair of grey sweatpants; thankfully, with drawstrings, and a blue islanders tee shirt. you grabbed the items and headed to the bathroom, ready to wash away the events of the night.

as soon as the water was hot, you were undressing and stepping into the shower. just like all the other times you've showered, your mind was filled with reflections of the day. how jason screamed at you in public, how humiliated you felt, the sick feeling of coming home and finding his clothes strewn about, the nearly paralyzing fear of looking at him and realizing he was a completely different person now.

it all added up, the sly comments from your roommate, the emotional distance between you and jason, the accusing looks your roommate would give you whenever you so much as hugged him in front of her. when did it happen? how long had it been going on? was it revenge for how much time you were away and at mat's place working? was it--

wait.

you listened closely and heard talking vaguely over the fall of water from the shower. quickly, you turned off the shower when you heard the voices escalate. you dried off, pulling on mat's clothes with record speed before opening the bathroom door and letting the steam out.

almost immediately after, you were wishing you'd stayed in the bathroom.

because jason was at the door with a car seat in his hands, looking as furious as he was earlier in the evening.

"what the fuck?" he yelled as soon as he saw your form. "you slept with him already?"

"if you're asking if i took a page out of your book, the answer is no, jason." you walked into the living room and stood behind mat.

"why would i believe you? you're literally wearing his clothes!" he yelled, gesturing at your frame.

"i'm gonna tell you this once," mat started, voice low and dark. "lower your voice because if you wake my daughter, we're gonna have even more problems than we do right now."

"fuck off, barzal. this is between me and my girlfriend."

"ex," you said. "ex-girlfriend. we're done."

"what--"

"i don't know how you thought you could fuck natalie and maintain this relationship; but even if you didn't fuck my roommate, it would still be over because of the way you embarrassed me tonight."

"so you get revenge by slutting around--"

mat took half a step forward. "i would find a different word to use, if i were you."

"or what, barzal? you gonna fight me? i've seen the game you played against the rangers, i'm not impressed. you start shit but never finish it."

"kind of like our sex life," you mumbled before you could stop yourself.

fury washed over jason's face; you'd never seen a look so intense, but it looked right at home on him. jason took a step forward. "what did you say?" he asked darkly.

mat quickly shot his hand up and held jason where he was. "back up."

almost instantly, jason smacked the hand away. "you can't tell me what to do."

"i can when it's my home you're trying to barge into."

jason looked at him before turning his attention back to you. "you're gonna let him speak to me like this?" when you didn't say anything, he got angrier, which you didn't think was possible. he slammed his fist against the doorframe which had you flinching backwards and mat moving between the two of you.

"you have two options," mat said lowly. "either leave, or i call security and have you escorted out."

jason guffawed, if you could see him through mat, you might've seen the way he face relaxed, like he just realized he lost. you heard the thump of him dropping the car seat. "you're gonna regret this."

"have fun with what's-her-name," mat said before grabbing the car seat and shutting the door in jason's face.

the second the door locked, mat was dropping the car seat and pulling you into his chest. you weren't sure when you started crying and shaking again, this time you weren't sure if it was from anger or devastation.

"it's okay," he said. "it's over. you don't have to deal with him anymore." you nodded against his chest. "let's get you to bed and we can worry about everything else tomorrow, okay?" he pulled back just far enough to look you in the eye. "i need to hear you say it."

"okay," you whispered.

he looked satisfied enough to pull away and guide you down the hall where you knew your room would be.

your room.

when did you start thinking of it as that? you broke up with your boyfriend less than an hour ago and were not considering another bedroom (that hasn't been offered to you) as your own?

you yawned. it was too late to be doing deep dive contemplation, especially after the night you had.

mat stopped in front of your door, leaning on the doorframe like it was meant to hold him up. "i have practice tomorrow and then i'll be back and we can workout a time to get your things. does that sound okay?"

you nodded again. "thanks, mat."

"anytime."

you shut the door and stared at it for a moment. part of you wondered if mat was doing the same on the other side.

day thirty-five

you woke up without an alarm clock but your body was still tired. the exhaustion of the unveiled truth was a weight you weren't used to carrying.

gingerly, you rose from the bed and checked the time on your phone, relieved to see it was still early and that you hadn't inconvenienced mat by oversleeping.

mat.

he'd stuck up for you, let you sleep over, someone he hadn't really known but for a month. was he that kind or just naive?

you didn't have time to dwell on it.

you walked down the hall and into the living room when you heard music playing. there was no telling what could come from the bluetooth speaker when mat's phone was connected, this time it seemed to be some random pop song blasting through the kitchen. when you rounded the corner, you saw mat putting ingredients into a blender while ella bounced and flapped her arms around to the music in her high chair.

"morning!" mat said over his shoulder. "there's frozen waffles in the freezer if you want something for breakfast."

"they're not like...disgusting protein waffles, are they?" you asked.

mat stopped what he was doing and turned so he could smile at you properly. "nope, good ole unhealthy eggo waffles."

"i appreciate it." you made a move to walk towards the fridge when you stopped. "and for what it's worth, i'm sorry, about last night."

mat tilted his head like a confused golden retriever. "what did you do? if you pissed on the sheets, i have in unit laundry that will fix that problem."

you couldn't help it, a laugh burst straight from your chest and out of your mouth before you could stop it. if your eyes weren't squeezed shut from the laughing, you would've seen the soft smile adorning mat's face for getting that reaction.

"you know why," you said once you'd calmed down.

mat shrugged. "as far as i'm concerned, you didn't do anything wrong. that's all on him." he took two steps towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "and if it wasn't clear, you're welcome to stay as long as you need to."

the both of you stared at each other without saying a word, neither wanting to interrupt whatever peace was going on between the two of you.

ella took that opportunity though, to throw her apple sauce on the ground. the sound alone had you both snapping out of whatever trance you were in.

"well," mat said.

"yeah," you mumbled.

mat moved around you, squeezing your shoulder once. "i have to go get ready, but i should be back soon to help you get your stuff from your old place."

"mat, you don't have to--"

he kept walking. "sorry what was that? can't hear you!"

despite yourself, you smiled.

most of the morning went by without a hitch, you didn't even shed a tear! which you considered to be progress and maybe a sign that you weren't as torn up about your breakup as you should've been.

but you didn't have time to unpack that thought.

it wasn't until around 11 that you got a text from an unknown number that you were considering throwing your phone down the stairwell. but because curiosity got the better of you, you checked your phone anyway.

hey! this is sydney martin, we met last night. mat mentioned that you'd need help moving your stuff and i was offering my help as well at matt's.

below her text notification was one from mat.

hope you don't mind i passed your number along to sydney. my plan was to get tito to help me move your stuff, but we're both caught up doing interviews and press coverage until this afternoon. didn't think you'd want to chance running into him after a workday.

you texted sydney back first, finding it easier to set up times to leave and meet up at your old place than to reply to the thoughtfulness of mat's text.

hey sydney! you wrote. i would love all the help i can get, when would you two be able to meet me at my old apartment?

which is how you found yourself standing outside your old building with ella strapped to your chest, waiting for sydney and matt to arrive.

you heard your name being called and looked over your shoulder to see sydney and matt in workout clothes next to a....

uhaul?

in the city?

"hope you don't mind," sydney started. "mat said you had some stuff but we weren't sure how much, so my husband rented a truck just in case."

without even thinking about it, your eyes started tearing up. in one night, you'd lost pretty much the only people you had in the city, but had somehow gained two more in their absence.

"you didn't have to..." you trailed off.

matt, as if sensing the tears that were seconds away from leaking out of your eyes, took a step closer. "we've all been in shitty situations, no one should have to deal with it alone. besides any friend of my wife's is a friend of mine."

the very words left you giving him a watery smile. "thank you."

sydney approached you and wrapped you in a hug. "no need to thank us."

when you pulled away, the martins pretended they didn't see you wiping at your eyes.

"alright," you clapped. "it's gonna take some time, but hopefully with the three of us, we can get it done quickly."

the four of you headed inside with ella dozing off against your chest. matt followed behind you and sydney, carrying unopened cardboard boxes he had leaning against the truck.

"so i was thinking," matt said once you got to the front door of the apartment. "you and syd can pack up the boxes and i'll do the heavy lifting out to the truck, hopefully mat and tito will be done soon and they can help as well."

you and sydney nodded before heading back to your bedroom while matt played with ella in the living room.

"i asked him before we got here if he could give us some space," sydney explained once you were in your old bedroom.

"i appreciate it."

sydney started at your dresser and opened one box before neatly placing your clothes inside. "are you okay?"

you shrugged and started on the closet, tossing clothes inside the box without a care. "i'll be fine."

"mat didn't say much, if anything, if that's what you're worried about. i just saw how you were when what's-his-name was raging at the game yesterday."

you paused over a shirt that used to belong to him before tossing it aside. "he cheated on me with my roommate. and he wasn't happy when i tried to leave last night. tried to keep me here to 'talk about things.'"

sydney looked at you but didn't say anything for a moment. she let your words hang in the air like a foot poised over a landmine. "does mat know that?"

you shrugged. "he was on the phone with me for part of it but i don't know if he heard the near hostage attempt."

"did he come up the stairs and take care of things?" sydney asked, tone very serious. you didn't think it was possible for someone as joyful as her to look as grim as she did.

you shook your head. "no, he waited in the car."

"then he must not've heard, you would've known if he had." you weren't sure what face you were making but it must've been alarming because sydney quickly backtracked. "not that he'd get violent or anything! mat isn't scary, he's just..." she paused, as if searching for the right word. "...protective."

"i don't think that applies here, i've only known mat a month."

up until that point, you didn't know it was possible to hear an eye roll, but sydney somehow managed it. "oh please, like that matters here. anyone who meets you adores you. take me for example, i've only known you for twenty-four hours and i'd fight an overgrown man child for you." she reached over and placed a hand on top of yours. "everyone who meets you, loves you. it would be hard not to."

you nodded and went back to shoving clothes in boxes, too scared to look her in the eye just in case she saw the tears you were barely holding back.

an hour later, with most of your things in boxes, mat and tito showed up. ella, (who was sitting in your lap on the couch while matt martin continued to take boxes down to the truck, screamed and flapped her arms at the sight of her father and his best friend.

"ella bean!" tito called before beating mat over to you and scooping up the baby. mat didn't even attempt to conceal his annoyance, rolling his eyes before assessing the boxes littering the floor.

"is this all?" he asked.

you nodded. "syd and i have to sell my bed frame but other than that, we're good."

"we can bring it back to our apartment so you don't have to come back here."

you froze, and from the corner of your eye, you saw tito stop bouncing ella to look at the both of you while sydney found herself scrolling on her phone.

our apartment.

it hadn't even been twenty-four hours and he was already referring to the place as half yours.

it should've made you freak out, shut down.

but you were just relieved.

"i don't know if we'll have enough room," you said.

mat scoffed. "we'll make room. or martin, tito, and i will come back and grab it today. but you're not coming back here once we leave. not when your ex could show up at anytime."

you were still surprised that jason hadn't arrived. it seemed in his nature to hover, especially after he tried to hold you hostage last night.

"okay," you nodded.

he pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "i'll go talk to matt about making room and then we'll grab your bed frame." mat scooped up two boxes with ease and turned on his heel to go back down the stairs.

"i can help--"

but mat made a noise in the back of his throat. "sit down and chill." and left the room.

"that was considerate of him," sydney noted when she was sure he was out of earshot.

"which part?" tito commented. "when he referred to his place as yours? or the time where he denied your help so you could relax?"

"i'm sure mat does this for all the people in his life," you said.

tito scoffed. "when i was moving apartments, i asked for his help and he told me to 'fuck off and hire movers.'"

"i'm sure that has absolutely nothing to do with how close you two are and everything to do with you being a millionaire," sydney replied.

as if on cue, your phone rang, mat's first and last name filling up your screen. "hello?"

"tell beau to give ella to you and bring the rest of the boxes downstairs."

tito must've heard because he was groaning and walking ella over to you without saying a word.

"he's on his way down," you said.

"thanks," mat replied before hanging up.

the hard work was done by mid afternoon. and with the truck loaded up, none of you saw a reason to stay much longer. matt martin agreed to drive the truck back to the apartment you currently shared with mat. you'd ride with mat and tito (and subsequently ella) since you took the subway to your old place while syd drove her car.

as soon as you got back to your new place, the boys were unloading the truck while you and syd put ella down for a long overdue nap before taking a look at your room and trying to figure out where to put things.

"it doesn't all have to be done in one day," she said. "but the faster it's done, the easier it'll be for you to move on from this." you nodded to the sound of the boys dropping boxes in living room. "you're handling this remarkably well for someone who just ended a long term relationship."

you avoided looking at her, instead focusing on your bed spread. "things haven't been okay for awhile," you said like that was explanation enough.

it seemed to do the job for sydney because she didn't ask anymore questions.

not too long after everything was moved in, sydney, matt, and tito left with the promise of visiting soon. syd said she'd be by without any hesitation if you needed her.

you just smiled and accepted her hug. but as soon as the front door shut, your shoulders sagged and you fell into the couch like a rag doll.

if your eyes weren't laser focused on the floor, you would've seen mat's mouth open and shut a few times as if searching for the right words until he finally settled on some.

"you did it, one of the hardest parts is over."

you grunted. "what could be harder than this?"

mat fell into the couch beside you. "tomorrow, and the day after that, and the days that follow until you get used to him not being around anymore. and the sting of betrayal finally stops hurting."

you couldn't help yourself, you laughed.

"what?" he sat up. "i thought i was giving sage advice!"

your eyes met and you could see he wasn't offended, there was a gleam of humor in his eyes that reminded you of boys in elementary school who regularly got in trouble for the hijinks they pulled during the school day.

"'the sting of betrayal?' really mat? are you an author or a hockey player?"

"can't i be both?"

"i've seen you get hit in the head with pucks and hockey sticks before. keep it up and i don't think you'll have much of a brain to write anything."

you expected a laugh, but he looked at you like he'd seen you in a new light. "i didn't get hit at my last game."

"i know," you laughed. "i was there, or have the concussions you've gotten affected your memory?"

"you watched my previous games?"

oh.

would that be embarrassing to admit? that you'd gone back and watched him play a little? you didn't even know why, you just found yourself on youtube rabbit hole during one of ella's naps.

"i mean," you shrugged. "i uh, i watched some highlights and whatever youtube had available. i felt bad for not knowing anything about how you play, especially after you--"

"you don't have to explain anything to me," he interrupted. "i just, i'm shocked is all, in the best way possible."

maybe it was the look in his eyes, or the soft smile gracing his lips. or maybe it was the fact that he was the first single man you'd ever met who'd shown you unrelenting kindness without any expectation of sleeping with you that had you saying the words you said next.

"i'm really glad i met you."

his smile grew. "i'm really glad too."

taglist:

@nicoleloveshockey @thg02 @fallinallincurls @bbbbruins @random-readers-world @sydsxoxo @jhughesy @whenmypartysover @sunflowerhood @spencereidbasis @icanfsplel @avareadsthings @zegraswrites @calermakar @heyitsmeimdead @kashee-h @bordelhoe

[nataliescatorccio]

🎊 NEW YEARS CLEAN-UP 🎊

rules: unburden yourself from the abandoned WIPS collecting dust in your folder and share 5 gifs, then tag five people.

thank you so much riya (@thebookluvrr1816) for tagging me!

so what's maybe different about my giffing process is that i actually rarely abandon gifsets. like if i start making it, i'm locked in, i have to finish and get the idea out my brain. on the rare occasion i don't finish a set, then i'll readapt any gifs i made for another set (but i could actually only find one instance of a set that i had abandoned this year, and i'd adapted it for another set instead). so this is a selection of gifs that i either cut from a set as i had to narrow down choices, or an 'original' look at a gif before i changed it. because of that, i'm going to link the set it was made alongside or was adapted into for comparison!

this gif became altered for this kanej week + book to screen gifset. it originally started off as just a quote gifset. i started making this just after s2 dropped, but i think a mutual posted a set of kanej + this quote around the same time and i didn't want to be copying it so i ended up never finishing the set. when kanej week rolled around i ended up reusing the two gifs i made (this one + the one that became 'never stop fighting'), but damn, i did love this blue, and looking at it now i actually think this one came out better

2. an early version of my kanej week quotes set. i did several for this set with a gif inside the font, but i just really hated the way it looked overall, and at the last minute changed it. i still reused all the gifs i'd made though - you can see the two here in the second panel!

3. the original take on the third gif in this inej eps set. i ultimately changed it because i didn't like the blend, particularly that you couldn't see the knife being played with which is a moment i really wanted to include. but i do adore the yellow light shining on her as she's praying, there's something almost saintly about it, and wish i'd been able to incorporate it as i wanted to (please ignore the line it's just there because i gave up and never fixed it!)

4. a gif from this 'la vie en rose' ed and stede gifset. i thought the way they looked at each other with stede tilting his head was so cute, but ultimately i found blending the scenes a little messy and it didn't really match the other gifs/the lyrics so i cut it.

5. cut from this choni set, i basically cut this because there was a lot of movement in the scene and i wasn't happy with the colouring - they lean in to kiss and that meant there were a lot of issues with colouring layers overlapping skin and at that point i'd done a lot of frame-by-frame colouring and was feeling too lazy to do this one too.

there we go! this gives a bit of an insight into my giffing process too, it's always interesting how gifsets change as you continue to work on them to find what works, so hopefully this also provides a bit of before and after!

tagging some talented mutuals (but no pressure as always!): @ughmerlin, @crowley-anthony, @seance, @saws2004, @taiturner, @natscatorrcio, @morgana-pendragon, @singularities, @khaotunqs

[jahnavisurenda-21]

Haikiyuy[Oikawa TooruX Reader]Long Distance.

This factor is the most challenging one because so many people fail it, that's why fictional men.

1. He's in a sense of shock, and is a little flabbergasted he was ready to cut the ties at any given moment maybe, in a selfish way of self preservation.

2. It had been three years, he was sure there was a limit to how much you could accept him being an Volleyball addict it was a driving force, an obsession he needed to thrive, win championships, play again and again on the court. But, all you would say to him was,

"Don't forget to eat your meals, drink water, and sleep well." It was something even his mother would say, his coach would repeat and his teammates followed religiously.

3. Then why does he seem to play that on repeat like a broken record it's almost like he could hear your concerned voice in his head.

4. He had plans to go to Argentina in his last months of school, yet, despite so many things with the disbanding of Aoba Johsai his previous team, his decisions like a gentle breeze in the spring he met you.

5. He refused take it seriously at the beginning, this happens all the time, people date, they find problems, you realize it was a mistake, it couldn't work, and you deal with heartbreak because sometimes it doesn't work.

6. But, this morning when he saw your beautiful face at the airport, his doubts seemed to be disappearing like it never was there, your eyes looked like hope itself like a present promising all wonderful things, like a possible bright future, but ofcourse the present had not been opened yet.

7. If he ever thought of breaking up with you, to avoid his fears he wished it could be postponed, yes, he imagined if you both could go to Argentina, then everything would be convenient and his heart wouldn't be aching and longing by now. He could've reached to take your hand in his, promising to never let go.

8. When his arms found your frame against his chest, pressed so warmly, he wanted to keep you in this embrace forever, take you on more dates, enjoy going to the cafes to get milk bread, and Boba tea, see you at the stands cheering for his team, see your excited smile whenever he got you gifts, the three years which he had spent with you were truly like an amazing dream, which he didn't want to wake up from.

9. His carrer seemed far from over, his teammates, his school, and you, everything seemed to fit in one plate.

10. "Y/n, let me just ask this one thing do you think it's going to be better if we b-break up and avoid any problems?" The words came out before he could stop them, what an idiotic move like Iwaizumi said to him so many times he might actually believe them.

11. Your silence for a few moments felt like an eternity for him, you closed your eyes enjoying his arms around you for some more time, before you gathered up the energy to look him in the eyes, "No. I don't believe in breaking up with you. Call me delusional or unrealistic, but somehow you've made me believe... believe in us. But... if you want to break up with me, I won't hold that against you." You replied,

12. Oikawa suddenly chuckled out of the blue, "Then Iwa-Chan will probably hunt me down, and who knows the chances of my survival then."

Oikawa pressed his trembling lips to your forehead and let it stay there for a few seconds, never letting go of your frame. "You really are ready to do the work right Sweetheart, cause afterwards if you say your not I might become to obsessed with you to let you go." He whispered in your ear, "That was hot!" You whispered back.

13. The announcement for Tooru's flight departing was announced and Oikawa simply tightened his arms around you, "Call me every week, and if I'm being an idiot just tell Iwaizumi, and if I ever hurt you just kill me and--"

"Idiot." You mumbled, "Take care of yourself, and don't and I mean don't act like an insane obsessive freak." You warned.

14. Oikawa finally pulled away gazing at your eyes which tried to conceal some fresh tears,Oikawa cupped your cheeks, "Okay now, I don't like seeing you cry because you'll make me cry as well."

15. You laughed making Oikawa smile, "Bye sweetheart."

16. "I love you." He confessed finally after three years, before wishing you farewell.

[acacia-may]

Hello yello, it's me again, hope you're having a wonderful day so far! If it's not a bother, could I get a response from you about Nagisa in the numbers ask game?

10 and 23 since those are his birthday numbers. If it's no problem, I'd love to hear about 2 as well. Thanks again for everything you've written and done!

Hi friend! Aww you're so sweet. 🥰 I really should be thanking you for all the great Nagisa and Warriors of Hope content and for your ask. I would absolutely love to talk about my son, Nagisa! 💙 (I love that you picked his birthday numbers too! That's great!) Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you're having a wonderful day as well. Take care and cheers!!😊

I'm including this picture from aminoapps and this gif from getyarn just because I can.

Questions from this Character Ask Game

Answers and Headcanons are below the cut. (Warnings: Spoilers for UDG and vague discussion of childhood trauma & abuse)

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

This is kind of a complicated answer because as my sister would say I "did not experience Danganronpa like a normal person" 😂 so I apologise in advance for the ramblings. My younger sister was super into Danganronpa especially Ultra Despair Girls and when she told me about it (and suggested I play UDG), she actually told me a little about Nagisa and that she thought I would really like his character. (A/N: I have quite the collection of favourite characters who are high-strung, overachieving perfectionists). I usually don't play a lot of video games, but I was curious so I decided to compromise and read the manga for UDG (which definitely gave me a different perspective on things than my sister, I think, because there were some changes...but that's another story). Since I kind of went into the story with more information (from my sister) and the feeling I would probably end up liking his character, I think I had a more positive view of Nagisa much earlier on than I would have otherwise.

The big moment I started really liking him though was probably when he swooped in to protect Kotoko which was a much bigger and more dramatic thing in the manga than in the game. [A/N: There was definitely a bit of confusion there because my sister was really perplexed by why in my mind Nagisa and Kotoko were such close friends whereas in my sister's mind (from the game) she was much closer friends with Masaru. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of Masaru in the manga so I didn't really start to like him nearly as much until I played the game, but I digress...] Anyway... I'll include some of the frames just for reference.

So yes, Nagisa gets his heroic moment where he protects his friend and then he tries to help Komaru and Toko out of the city. If that isn't enough, he then starts to go into his backstory, and everything just clicks that he really is such a good kid at heart, he's just been corrupted and manipulated due to Junko (and Monaca) exploiting his trauma and taking advantage of the fact he was broken, vulnerable, and starving for love. He suddenly becomes a very tragic character, and I just wanted to adopt and protect him. My poor boy. He's been my son ever since.

And I will say it was such a fun perspective to go into the UDG game already liking his character because it was so exciting any time he and the other little hope warriors showed up. My sister was making fun of me (in good fun) when we were playing because I was very afraid cautious of the Monokumas (A/N: I'm not usually a fan of shoot 'em up games) and wouldn't never run (because you can't aim the weapon & run at the same time), so I was really just constantly shuffling around slowly, hiding behind things, and literally jumping during the jump scares. (A little pathetic, sure, but I was trying to survive here). But then we get to Chapter 4 when the objective is protecting Nagisa, and it completely cured me of my animatronic-robot-bear-phobia. I went full "Mama Bear" mode (no pun intended) running around destroying those things left and right like "Not My Son!!" My sister teases me about it to this day and says, "I'm so glad you finally learned how to run." 😂 Good times.

10. Describe the character in one sentence

This one is a bit difficult for me since I tend to be really wordy and also because I'm imagining Nagisa trying to describe himself in one sentence and I really don't know if he'd be able to do it--he'd have to fight that tendency to write a whole dissertation with subheadings and a table of contents. 😅 I'm going to have to fight that too, but I'll try my best...

Nagisa is wise beyond his years and an old-soul: highly intelligent, responsible, and conscientious, and though he can be perfectionistic, overachieving, and hard on himself and is burdened with deep internal pain from a childhood of abuse, he cares deeply for his friends and genuinely wants to make the world better so that other children don't have to suffer in the way that he did (he is misguided on this point, but his culpability is diminished given that he was a severely traumatized child who was taken advantage of and manipulated into criminal activity when he was vulnerable and he feels genuine guilt and remorse for what he did).

[A very long sentence 😅]

23. Future headcanon

I really want good things for Nagisa in the future and would love to see him reach a healthy, more well-adjusted place when he grows up. I know it's basically the apocalypse, but I really like to think that he and the other Warriors of Hope do eventually get the therapy they so desperately need and actually get to heal after all of the horrible and traumatic things they've all been through. In terms of more specific headcanons here are a few:

When they are all young professionals/working adults, Nagisa, Jataro, and Masaru are roommates which is often a bit of a comical arrangement since they are really so vastly different as people despite sharing a living space. Nagisa can be a little intense when it comes to keeping the apartment clean and organized, for instance. (To be fair, Masaru and Jataro are both kind of slobs if left to their own devices). However, he wants things to be fair and for everyone to do their part so he devises a chore chart to track who is supposed to clean what that week. Jataro and (especially) Masaru tend to act kind of like big kids, so Nagisa resorts to having incentives (like paying to get them ice cream) if they do all their chores. [Bonus: Masaru often complains to Kotoko about the chore chart, and she thinks it's kind of ridiculous à la 'You're a grown man--why don't you just buy your own ice cream?' but Masaru insists it tastes better when someone else is paying for it. 😂]

Nagisa eventually earns a Ph.D and works for Future Foundation. (As much as his friends like to teasingly refer to him as "Dr. Nagisa," it actually takes a while for them to all adjust to other people calling him "Dr. Shingetsu" all the time). Nagisa takes a lot of pride in his work developing and implementing air filtration systems worldwide. He is always very excited and enthusiastic whenever he talks about it, but his work is so complicated that none of his friends are entirely certain what it is he does exactly. He quickly rises through the ranks at Future Foundation until he works under the direct supervision of Togami who thinks he's very a conscientious employee and trusts him enough to put him in charge of several important projects. Since Nagisa still struggles with his perfectionism, he often ends up working long hours and has to fight a lot of self-imposed stress. His friends often take it upon themselves to remind Nagisa to take care of himself, and they periodically try to get him out of the apartment to do fun things. Nagisa's idea of fun, however, would be much more akin to staying home and relaxing with a good book.

I'm going to take some inspiration from you and also have a few headcanons about Older Nagisa as a dad since I would absolutely love to see him settle down and have a family of his own one day, when he is ready.

Nagisa's family is the most important thing in the world to him and his children are his pride and joy in life. He strives to be the best father he can, and he is incredibly devoted and attentive though he does have a tendency to worry about his children very much. When his son takes after him with similar worries, self-imposed stress, and perfectionism, for instance, Nagisa is very concerned, and it hits him particularly hard since the last thing he wanted was for his child to have the same kinds of burdens he does. However, he helps his son through that and reassures him that he has a father who loves him regardless of his successes or failures. It is incredibly important to Nagisa that his children never doubt that his love for them is unconditional and will never need to be earned by living up to any expectations--he will love and support his kids no matter what and just wants them to try their best.

Despite having several children in the house, Nagisa's home is not particularly chaotic and loud since most of his kids aren't particularly rambunctious. His eldest daughter has a big personality, however, and often gets Nagisa to play all kinds of dress up games and tea parties with her. She also often asks him to style her hair into little antenna like his, and though he doesn't quite understand the appeal, he tries his best as hairdresser.

His eldest daughter's more happy-go-lucky and generally upbeat and cheerful personality sometimes causes Nagisa to wonder if he and his friends may have been like his little girl if not for the abuse, and the thought breaks his heart a little. His younger daughter is much more quiet and pensive than her sister and was adopted by Nagisa and his family after being rescued from an abusive situation. Coming from the background that he did, Nagisa is very sensitive to his daughter's trauma as she slowly begins to heal and is welcomed into the family.

When Nagisa's kids are very, very little they love to play with their dad's hair antenna and his reading glasses (which he eventually has from squinting at his work from hours on end).

Nagisa tries his best to be a very involved and attentive father who always makes sure to spend time with his family despite his busy schedule. One of his favorite activities for his family to do together is reading aloud to his children before he tucks them in at night.

[fakefanofmarvel]

Novacane 2// Matt Murdock X Dark! Reader

CW: THIS IS A DARK FIC. This is part 2. Reminder READER is bat shit crazy and does some really bad things including but not limited to stalking, kidnapping, manipulation, drugging, and blackmail. If that isn't something you are into please keep scrolling. Minors DO NOT INTERACT. Part 1 3

It has been about 2 months since you and Matt officially started dating. You had stopped with your shrine to Matt and was finally seeing him as a person instead of a prize. He wasn't the person you had thought he'd be. He was way more than what you could find in any article about the Devil of Hell's Kitchen or his Linkin page. You didn't plan on telling him that you knew he was Daredevil or how you made it so that you two would meet. It was difficult not mentioning anything about Daredevil when he showed up for date night with a new scar every time. You fully planned on not telling him you knew, until; he crawled into your apartment covered in blood and bruises last night in his daredevil costume before passing out. Luckily the one thing you didn't lie about was wanting to be a doctor. That was before you got kicked out of school for showing signs of being "mentally unstable"

You got his suit off before patching up his wounds and cleaning him up. You made sure his heart rate and everything was fine before basically dragging his large frame into your bed. You stayed up all night watching him making sure he was okay. When he finally came to it was morning. You were tired and so worried you couldn't even be mad at him.

"(Y/N)?" He rolled over with his eyes still closed

"I'm right here, Matty" You reached out your hand to him which he took.

He looked at you with tears in his eyes. You could tell he was about to say something.

"Save it. We'll talk after we get back from the hospital,"

You grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt for him to put on. He set up slowly.

"I can't go to the hospital. They'll start asking questions," he protested

"You're a blind guy in Hell's Kitchen. You were mugged, and you tried to fight back but he had a knife. Those cuts are pretty deep and I can't do stitches. You need to go to the ER and make sure you aren't bleeding internally. You're not fighting me on this, Matthew. Get dressed, we're leaving now." You gave him no time to argue with you.

You ordered a cab and waited downstairs until Matt came down. He was walking with a limp but he was walking and that's more than you can say he was doing last night. You weren't upset that he was hurt because you knew his secret but you were upset at how badly he was hurt. You never expected it to be that bad. You stood on the sidewalk with your arms crossed and tears forming in your eyes. Matt tried to put his arm around you to comfort you but you moved away from him.

"Don't. Just don't Matt,"

"Y/N please don't do this." He pleaded "I should have told you but involving you would only put you in danger and I can't live with that,"

"And what would I have done if you died in my doorway last night, Matt? I just got used to you being here I can't lose you now," The tears that were building up in your eyes were now falling down your cheeks

Matt pulled you into a hug but just held onto you while you let your emotions out.

"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, sweetheart. Don't worry. Okay? Look at me," He lifted your face and whipped your tears. " You're not getting rid of me that easily," he kissed your forehead

"I can't believe it's been 6 months. It feels like we just met yesterday," Karen lifted her glass toast " Happy 6 months guys. I hope you guys are together forever." The 4 of you tapped their glasses together before taking a sip of their drink.

The gang was out celebrating another successful case on the night of you and Matt's 6 month-versary which Karen and Foggy were making a big deal out of for some reason.

"Thank you guys but I'm going to call it a night. I have a flight in the morning." Matt got up to pay his tab.

"Yeah, I have a hot 'date' tonight I should be heading out too," Foggy followed close behind.

"When is he going to realize that we know that a hot date means his hooking up with someone he barely knows," Karen said causing the two of you to laugh.

"At least he won't be alone this weekend," You joked back.

"Aw, this is the first weekend the two of you have been apart in months isn't it?"

You nodded in response

"How about we have a girl's weekend just the 2 of us at your fancy new apartment,"

Karen had slowly become your best friend. Over the last few months the two of you would talk on the phone for hours, and she'd come to watch movies with you and send each random videos on TikTok.

"That sounds fun! I think we should do it. Bring the snacks and ill bring the drinks,"

"Great! Tomorrow at 5 sound good?" Karen asked excitedly

"Yeah. This is my first girl's night ever. I can't wait," The smile on your face is way bigger than before. You didn't have many friends growing up and you finally felt like you had someone.

"I'm fine. Karen will be here in a few minutes. I'm still setting everything up," You talked to Matt on the phone as you set up the living room for your girl's night.

"That's great, babe. I'm happy for you. I'll call later to check on you. I just checked in. Love you," He hung up the phone.

On cue, Karen knocked on the door before walking in. She had been over so often she wasn't considered company anymore.

"Wow, it looks really nice in here," Karen handed you the bag before hugging you.

You had gone a little overboard with decorating and made it look like every sleepover scene you had seen on tv growing up.

"Thanks I wanted it to be memorable. I'll pour us some drinks and pop us some popcorn you can pick a movie," You left Karen in the living room while you walked to the kitchen.

Karen chose a random romcom before getting antsy and started looking around at the pictures you had on the wall and your different decoctions. She smiled at the pictures of you and Matt hanging up. She always thought the two of you were perfect for each other and was happy she had a part in the two of you meeting.

"Hey, can you get the blankets and pillows out of the closet by the door," You shouted from the kitchen?

Karen walked towards the closet before responding to you. After removing the blankets from the top of the grey chest she got curious. She sat everything down on the sofa and walked back to the closet. She unlocked the gold lock before lifting the lid. The hundreds of pictures of Matt sleeping, eating, and out with foggy and so many different articles about Daredevil. She looked over the different details of the pictures and the random coffee mug that was in a bag labeled 'Matt's mug'. She started thinking it was a little weird how obsessed you were with your boyfriend but she didn't think too much about it until she found your diary. It was full of entries about how you had been stalking Matt for months and how you tricked Karen into helping you two meet.

"Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh," Karen kept repeating over and over to herself as she took her phone out to text Matt.

'Matt, call me it's an emergency.' she sent the message before putting her phone back in her pocket.

She put the diary back and tried to put everything back in the chest before you came back. She closed the chest and tried to get out of the closet. She turned around to be faced with you holding a bottle of wine.

"I was just-" She started nervously

"It's a shame I really liked you, Karen Page," You said before hitting her over the head with the wine bottle knocking her out cold.

Her body went limp on the floor. You checked her pulse to make sure she was still breathing. Luckily she was.

"Damn it!" You shouted angry that you had to get rid of the only friend you ever had.

[psychewritesbs]

What are your thoughts on Gojo's dynamic with Nanami and Utahime?

It seems that Gege listed some hints that Gojo may like them romantically but alas this was according to shippers themselves and it's unclear whether the official material was meant to interpreted that way or if it was just a funny thing thrown around. Regardless i just wanna add my cents here, the show really keeps denying that Gojo will ever be romantically interested in any of these characters asides from possibly Geto but at the same time it acknowledges that fans like various relationships so it feeds them these irrelevant crumbs. That's why i ask for your opinion on their dynamic, if you're comfortable answering this ofc!

HOLA ANON!

Listen... not only is my blog psychology-focused, there's a reason I have not really made any shippy posts about jjk. I've gone to town gushing about seisub, soma, kurofai and asucaga before. But those ships exist in old fandoms where there is a prevalent agreement and support about and for the ship.

jjk tho... the topic of shipping in jjk is a dangerous landmine regardless of who you ship for many different reasons.

That said, apologies if this wasn't your intention, but the way you worded your ask made it smell like bait from about three miles away, and I have been debating about what I want to say to you ever since I received it. Moots told me to just drop it but I found that I didn't want to drop it precisely because it feels like bait.

So basically, because 3 our of 4 moots I have shown your ask to agree that this is bait, I am going to respond in kind and will give you the least satisfying answer ever under the cut.

You have been warned...

jk anon, sorry for the click bait...

It's not that I'm going to give you a dissatisfying answer, it's that I don't want to participate in shipping wars 🤷‍♀️ and I feel like I am being dragged into one with this ask.

The truth is, I'm too old for shipping wars and avoid them like the plague to the best of my ability and for my own mental sanity... And one of the things that really gets under my skin is gatekeeping in shipping, which admittedly means I am probably being a hypocrite about it. Gotta work on that.

At this stage in my life tho, I am more interested in being able to both celebrate what I love instead of focusing on what I don't like, or on holding two contradictory truths at once rather than to take sides and claim one side is right and the other side is wrong.

To that point, lately I've heard a lot of people say it's not ok to be neutral. To that I say that polarized thinking is a sign of lack of experience and an unwillingness to be open to another point of view. I say this from experience, not because I'm judging anyone.

Been there, done that.

Like I was an idiot back in the day for thinking I couldn't like both Maya Sakamoto and Utada Hikaru. Like... what a clown 🤡 to think I HAD TO PICK ONE and could only like one of them lmao.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming you love stsg because of the way you frame the ask around how Geto seems to be the one person whom Gege hints at being the most likely that Gojo would be "romantically interested in".

On the other hand, you also tell me that shipping Gojo with other characters is based on what looks to you like irrelevant breadcrumbs.

Now, before I keep going, what follows is my personal opinion, and I do not claim to own the objective truth about this topic.

In fact, I am very aware that there is no right answer to your ask, and that whatever I answer can stir unnecessary shit up because, not only is this topic sensitive because that's the state of shipping in jjk fandom, but the ask itself feels like its baiting me to give an answer someone knows they aren't going to like.

Very machiuvelical of you anon 😏 I see you!

So either I'm paranoid af, or you're not very good at pretending you are genuinely confused because "it's unclear whether the official material was meant to be interpreted that way or if it was just a funny thing thrown around".

Come the fuck on... 😂

First, you sent an ask to someone who understands mind games; and second, it's perfectly ok to say you don't like the other two ships.

But again, I have also said things in a way that was misinterpreted by others, so... benefit of the doubt here.

Thing is, if you love stsg, no one can take that away from you. Trust me, no one needs anyone's opinion to love ANY ship.

So, let's start with the hard stuff up front.

I ship stsg

I don't care if they are or aren't canon.

If others want to have this conversation and pull panels to back up why they think they are canon etc etc, good. This is not a conversation I care to have any longer because I realized I don't need Gege, or anyone for that matter, to tell me it's ok to ship a pairing--more on this later.

If you do, then, yeah, that's relatable and very understandable.

I also don't care if the jjk powerscaling bros can't accept that Gege has baked ambiguity into the dynamic, and that the cursed cat has recommended bl manga TWICE--thus hinting at the idea that Gege enjoys reading bl.

AND I also respect that there are those who truly see them only as friends. That's their business, you know? Why does their opinion matter if I ship them?

But, when I put on the rose-colored fujo glasses, I see it.

It's undeniable.

stsg is the jjk version of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle's kurofai.

But to be frank... I disagree with the idea that any evidence pointing at gjhm are "irrelevant breadcrumbs" that "shippers are throwing around".

Are they breadcrumbs? Yes. There isn't a whole lot of canonical evidence. But I also don't often hear gjhm shippers say things like "they're so canon" although I could be wrong.

So, are people throwing breadcrumbs around to be funny? This frankly makes it sound like you think very lowly of how some people choose to interpret certain panels.

Even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, this kinda sounds like you see yourself as better than... ?? because to you, its "unclear" how people can interpret the text as there being any ambiguity about the dynamic.

No it isn't 😂. It's clear as day. Come ooooooon.

Its ok to not like that Gege hinted at it AND it also doesn't make stsg any less important.

So are the breadcrumbs truly irrelevant? Only if you have an agenda.

Again, I am sorry if this isn't your intention, but calling them "irrelevant breadcrumbs" makes it sounds like there's an agenda geared at denying something you don't agree with. Which is SUPER relatable.

What I'll say is that, from the "breadcrumbs" Gege gave us about gjhm, I got the sense that, if there was some sort of romantic involvement between Gojo and Utahime that Gege is hinting at in the subtext, it was very bittersweet.

I'm totally not feeling like going and doing any research about this because there are plenty of gjhm shippers who have stated why the "breadcrumbs" make sense to them. AND I also think it's undeniable that there was something between them given the whole song lyrics related to her ct blablabla.

Denying this makes it sound like you're cherry picking what you think is and isn't subtext in the official work based on your shipping preferences.

Also, I don't personally ship gjhm but I have moots who do. As I said, I ship stsg AND I can also respect that others ship gjhm because two opposing ideas can coexist.

Anyways, with ch 236 in mind, in retrospect, what made gjhm undeniably bittersweet, was that Gojo was emotionally stunted in his teen years. This makes Gojo emotionally unavailable to ANYONE because he was stuck longing to be understood the way Geto once understood him, while simultaneously making himself hard to understand.

I think that if Gojo and Utahime were involved behind the scenes, this doesn't mean he didn't miss Geto or stopped loving him. The way I see it, he could very well have loved both. But again, that's my interpretation. It sounds like yours is different.

To me, Utahime isn't some sort of impediment for Gojo to love Geto and viceversa. This isn't a love triangle--Geto isn't even in the picture in their adult years.

That, and, the idea that we can only ever love one person is an unrealistic byproduct of the psychology of romantic love. And yet I can also understand why Gojo felt understood by Geto the most. I mean... Geto is the first person he sees when he dies.

This is so... beautiful.

So if you take the song lyrics hinted at in Uta's ct and put yourself in Utahime's shoes from the perspective of a gjhm shipper, you have a woman who is in a relational dynamic with someone who can't be present for her because he isn't present for himself to begin with.

I know you unironically think it's "a funny irrelevant thing being thrown around", but from how I'm interpreting this, that's not irrelevant or funny to me.

It's human tragedy, and it's sad af for all parties involved. And if you don't agree, you don't agree and that's ok. We can both agree to disagree.

Now, this is how I interpret gjhm based on that ONE specific breadcrumb. Which again, is anything but irrelevant unless your goal is to minimize someone else's perspective. For all I know, a gjhm fan reads this and doesn't agree with me.

For the record, I'm not saying you should change your mind about gjhm if you don't like the ship because you think Utahime truly hates Gojo's guts or that it's misogynistic to pair her with a man but perfectly ok to ship her with Shoko because somehow that makes it ok for her to be in a romantic relationship with someone else, or whatever reasons you might have.

I'm saying that you can love stsg AND simultaneously understand and respect that someone else would have a different opinion, even if you don't personally agree with it.

As for Nanami and Gojo... I mean... 🤷‍♀️

I guess if I put the fujo glasses on I can sort of see it. But again, why should anyone care about whether I agree with them or not? Like... when did I become the authority on shipping? 🤷‍♀️

I don't want that responsibility.

But, the most important thing I want to get across here, is that shipping is highly personal because there is a certain degree of self-insertion happening when we "ship".

So if you, or anyone for that matter, loves stsg, it's because you can see something about the dynamic reflected back at you that rings true to you.

You might say, "it's not that deep, I just see the official text and like what I saw." Which is also fair. But if it wasn't that deep, this ask wouldn't be something I was answering right now.

So, that's why to me, for MY answer to YOUR ask with the way it feels like bait, it's irrelevant whether the ships are canon or not. All that matters is that you, as a participant in this piece of media, can relate to the dynamic. And this is not to minimize whether "the official material is meant to be interpreted one way or another".

But again, cherry picking what we want to be subtext based on an agenda is a biased take.

All I am saying is that shipping is highly personal.

Again, if you don't like the "boy picks on girl" dynamic that gjhm has, it's because it's not for you. I have read what others have to say about not liking it and, honestly, good on y'all. Makes sense.

And if someone explains to me why gjhm makes sense to them, I am no one to tell them they are wrong to self-insert into this dynamic and explore what its potential means to them.

So, anon, I would much rather hear about why you love stsg.

If you want to talk to people who want to focus on hating gjhm or gojonana, or discussing why it's "funny irrelevant breadcrumbs thrown around", for whatever reasons you might have, I simply am not the right person.

All of this said, any further comments seeking to minimize any ship shall be ignored because I am not interested in contributing to shipping wars.

Enjoy stsg. It's a beautiful ship!

Thanks for stopping by, and sharing that bit of stsg love you did share with me. Again, sorry if I misinterpreted your intention, and if I didn't... idk.

All the love.

[avnj0gia]

post scream 6 ghostface rankings?

Gladly! Scream VI spoilers down below obviously, if you haven't seen it yet...

Billy

Still the GOAT

2. Jill

Iconique

3. Richie

Jack Quaid is so good in this movie. Loved your little shrine too, bb

4. Stu

He's dead, people, we've gotta let it go

5. Nancy

Oh hey, they finally gave her a first name!

6. Mickey

Disappearing for like 45 minutes of the movie hurts him but "this is just the kinda boy you'd like to take home to mom. If you had a mom" is still one of the gaggiest lines in the franchise

7. Amber

She's camp and she's got maybe the best killer reveal in the entire series. Killed Dewey too, that's gotta count for something

8. Jason

"But he only kills one person!" Ok and? It's the second best Ghostface kill in the movie and he looked hot doing it what do you want. Also he's a Giallo stan, a Jason Takes Manhattan enjoyer, he's hot, and that "she was like an animal..." line is one of the better "why I did it" lines we've gotten from an unmasked killer in one of these movies. Would've been one of the all timers if some flop hadn't rudely interrupted his killing spree smh

9. Ethan

He's adorable before the big reveal scene and he's easily the best of the three killers after the masks come off. Only real drawback is that his dad does all the monologuing so he gets like no time to shine. Wait also why did he help Mindy after the subway attack...Like what was up with that...Whatever he was responsible for the ladder scene though so he got the best kill in the movie, good for him! Jack Champion is really attractive too that's not hurting his standing here

10. Roman

Props for doing all that by himself, but for such an important figure in the Scream franchise he's kind of a nothing character.

11. Charlie

Good for him doing like 99% of the killing, I guess?

12. Bailey

Easiest to guess killer in the franchise, his motive is just Mrs. Loomis again with a couple slight differences they don't expand enough on for any of it to matter, and nothing about his character makes sense...Like how did Gale, Kirby, Sam, and the entire NYPD somehow miss that this guy is Richie's dad using a different name?? How was he planning on getting away with any of this when the two guys he planned on framing for it had been murdered -by him- before most of the killings even started?? Why didn't he just shoot Sam after she killed Quinn instead of charging at her with a gun in his hand?? I've seen the movie three times and he makes less sense every time. Dermot Mulroney was really trying to sell it all though I'll give him that!

13. Quinn

Pretty much everything I just said about her dad applies to her too. Easy to spot, not very memorable before the reveal, doesn't do much after, and unlike her brother she only successfully kills one person and it's Gale's random dick appointment offscreen. Sad!

14. Greg

Literally just a cut up head in a fridge he should be grateful he even made the list!

[captainanndor]

I posted 455 times in 2022

That's 335 more posts than 2021!

8 posts created (2%)

447 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@maculategiraffe

@rhinozilla

@wardenmages

@drchucktingle

@kick-girl

I tagged 26 of my posts in 2022

#our flag means death - 7 posts

#ofmd - 6 posts

#stede bonnet - 5 posts

#edward teach - 4 posts

#renew our flag means death - 3 posts

#pirates - 2 posts

#i want what they have - 2 posts

#birthday - 2 posts

#blackbeard - 2 posts

#the orange - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 59 characters

#but honestly the most bites i've done are affectionate ones

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Aww, I knew I celebrated a previous. birthday at a Ren Faire with a bunch of friends, all of us dressed as pirates. Forgot it was my milestone 30th. I rang in my 30s as a pirate & I'll be ringing out the end of my 30s as a pirate as well, cuz I am going to the Royal Feast this summer as a 39th bday treat! Hopefully this time goes smoother, because that was also the same trip where I got pulled over by a state trooper doing 72mph in a 55mph zone (I thought it was 65mph speed limit) and his first question to the car full of gals fully decked out in pirate looks was "you going to the ren faire?" Instead of saying NO for lolz, I said "um, yeah..." like a COWARD. As a "happy birthday" he didn't write me a speeding ticket but still wrote a ticket for my license plate frame because "you'd never get pulled over just for this, but it's technically illegal to have *anything* covering any part of your plate". The ticket was still ~$350 (thanks NYS surcharge). Anyways I got to feed a duck, ride a camel, and spend the day with some of the best people, so it was all worth it and I look forward to a repeat (on a slightly smaller scale, because I am le tired) for my 39th!

See the full post

1 note - Posted June 22, 2022

#4

For my 39th birthday, a friend and I made Roach’s 40 Orange Glaze Cake from Our Flag Means Death! We then set up a little scene and did a photoshoot for it. More under the cut!

See the full post

20 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#3

I changed the first panel of this meme for a Twitter comment and then immediately had to change the second panel as well. Tumblr I know you will understand this joke.

37 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#2

And while I’m at it! Putting this energy out there: #RenewOurFlagMeansDeath and cast Kate McKinnon as either Anne Bonny or Mary Read. They already gave us an in with Calico Jack whining he's been mutinied against 3 times recently and they ran with him historically. He’s also already out of the way so there’s no wasted time/boring love triangle drama and we can just have happy badass lesbian pirates co-captaining their own ship.

37 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Re-posting this from my own Twitter thread: Oh shit! #OurFlagMeansDeath S2 prediction:  Ed is gonna shoot Stede when they meet again. It’ll be dramatic, Ed’ll cry thinking he killed him, etc.  But the half of the fucking petrified orange Stede's daughter gave him will stop the bullet & save him #RenewOurFlagMeansDeath Or Izzy will shoot Stede, but I think Ed would be more dramatic for the story/reunion and needing to really knock him HARD out of The Kraken.  Ed knows Stede knows how to take a stab, or maybe their sword fight will be a draw or with Stede thinking he won and Ed pulls the gun. Ed never used the gun in the show. Only threatened Stede (and started to load it at the party) OH GOD! Actually, Stede will probs just refuse a sword fight. Ed will want one & Stede will refuse & Ed will threaten with the gun (again).Will the shot be intentional or accidental? (Does it matter?) Stede should never have left but the clean break/forgiveness from his family is what will save his life in the end. After also setting him free to love with no doubts or guilts from his old life haunting him. Knowing he's not a curse or a monster.

48 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jemwolf]

How long does it usually take for you to animate the fmab scenes?(which are one of my favorite things and I stare at them for hours, thank you so much)

waaaah thanks!! In answer to your question, it really depends! The animated ones so far have been mostly experimental, as in they've each been done in a different program as I try to figure out what is easiest! (It also depends on my motivation at any given time, ahaa)

Placing stuff below the cut!

So this was the first one I made! I did it mostly the same way I do my still edits, in Medibang Paint on my phone. I separated all of the frames and stuck them into their own folders on one canvas and edited them each individually. This one wasn't too bad because I just turned Den into Sev, so other than a few details I didn't have to do too much scratch animation or coverup work. iirc this one took... a couple days? I went a little feral. Once all the frames were edited, I stuck them together in one of those "frames to gif" websites.

For my second one (Especially since it was a simpler one with like 3 or 4 unique frames) I decided to see if I could do it in flipaclip! (It is actually a pretty decent mobile animation program if anyone is looking for something free/cheap!) It went decently well, though I probably won't try doing anything more intense than this on it, edit-wise. This one took a couple days on and off. Again, I was replacing Den, but I had more cover-up to do, as with a closeup, Sev's face shape is quite different than Den's. (Most easily seen right above Sev's muzzle; the wall moves lol) and if you look closely you can see the bits of Den that I either missed or was too lazy to fix. (Probably the latter) Since I did it in flipaclip I was able to export directly as a gif.

My latest one was definitely the hardest. As you can see, there's no dog or anything in the original that I could use as a frame of reference. And sure, I could make my own walk cycle from scratch, but when I make these edits I always want to try and make them match the style of the anime as closely as possible. It took a lot of digging, but I finally found a clip of Hayate walking in a profile view! (I had to screenshot each frame from a youtube video myself to get it ghjdk)

This one I edited in Clip Studio Paint on my tablet which was similar to how I edit in medibang, but for something this intense I believe it was easier to have the bigger screen, heh. This one ended up somewhere close to 30 frames, I think? It took a couple weeks of working on it on and off. I used EZGif or whatever for this one as well.

But yeh! These can take anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks depending on work, school, and motivation lol. (Another detail that I didn't really mention is on at least the first and last one, I hand-drew the pixellation to give it that low-quality gif vibe soo it would match with the more compressed look of the original clips gsdafkhl. I don't remember how I did it with the Greed one. Probably similar?)

[haodore]

Born Into Bad Luck (pt. 1)

*not my gif//from google*

SERIES MASTERLIST ╱ MASTERLIST

⌁ avengers x teen reader (platonic)

⌁ you, who has been raised by ross, was in the wrong place at the wrong time, leading to you being put in the raft in 2012. 4 years later, you have some visitors. // angst, comfort

⌁ 1.8k words

! : she/her pronouns, blood, bruises, torture/abuse, very brief torture devices, the raft/prisons, secretary ross, not edited, slight au

It wasn't her fault.

She's said it hundreds of times now, surely, but he wouldn't listen.

What were you thinking?! You knew this would've happened, don't lie to me!

But she swears she didn't know, she was just trying to get to safety.

Her lungs were on fire, screaming at her stop running! Take a break, you'll be fine! But she knew that was just the desperation getting to her. If she stopped, she knew there would be consequences.

Leaping over a piece of rubble, she heaved in a breath. It felt like acid going down her throat, like the air was cutting her lungs. And was her vision always that blurry? Perhaps she needed glasses, like her mother. Her mother did have glasses right? She can't really remember her that much, but she was sure she remembered the thin silver frames that would rest on her nose while she read. Just keep running! And so she listened to her conscience.

She didn't realize it, but she was slowing down, almost falling over a few times, too. How long have I been running? She finally crashed. It was a sick feeling of relief. Finally, I can rest! But the consequences would surely catch up with her, wouldn't they?

For a while, she wasn't so sure that she would face any more problems after all. She'd been lying in the rubble for about 15 minutes now, and she'd almost come accustomed the feeling of rock and metal poking into her back. It wasn't too bad once you got used to it.

And when was the last time she saw a living creature that wasn't an alien? She couldn't remember. Perhaps, She should've ran the other direction rather than to the outskirts of the city. On the other hand, you're safe. You haven't been killed yet! That was a good thought. Maybe Manhattan is crashing down while she's in a freedom, of sorts. That'd be nice.

Or maybe, her freedom wouldn't last as long as she'd hoped. It was a 15 minutes of bliss, she finally had the chance to catch her breath after running for so long. But she was still injured, her leg covered in blood, painting the broken concrete below her red. She thinks she cut it on a piece of sharp metal earlier, too focused on running to care. Maybe that's her consequence; bleeding out, and eventually dying. Dying at 15? Really? Now that's pathetic, Y/n. Maybe it'll be an escape, of sorts. An escape from Ross, who's care she was forced under. Why? She didn't know. Something to do with her mother, Y/n thinks.

When Y/n opened her eyes, painfully slow, she was met with a man staring at her, curiously. He was far up in the air, on some sort of hovercraft, his blue eyes boring into her. She wanted to run, she wanted to hide. He's the bad guy! What are you doing? Get up! But she couldn't get up, far too exhausted to do so.

So when a blue flash of light was soaring at her, all she could do was watch. Helpless.

And when it hit her, it burned. It had to be the worst pain she's ever felt in her life, even worse than when she cut her leg earlier that day. And that hurt. A lot.

It seemed her vocal cords froze up, the pain rushing through her hurting her too much to make a sound. She didn't scream, she didn't shout, she didn't even whimper. She just laid there, curling in on herself when the pain got to be too much.

The dizziness came next, and that should've scared her. It only brought her more relief. Finally, I can rest, She found herself thinking again.

So when the world went dark, and she could no longer see, she felt at peace. The pain could finally end.

—

The pain was never ending. She cried out, she tried to crawl away, but nothing worked. Nothing made her feel better.

Every time she tried to make an escape, two large hands would grab tightly onto her shoulders, pulling her back into hell. She was bruised and bloodied. Old tears staining her cheeks, and new ones rolling down. And she was tired. God, she was so tired. She kept wishing for her body to fall limp, ready to welcome the world of unconsciousness with open arms, but it never came. The pain never ceased. Let me rest!

So when she was finally picked up, dragged across the floor, and tossed into the ground, she wasn't relieved. She was in pain. She was still in pain. She wanted to sleep, but her mind decided to mess with her today. Her thoughts running wild, her body aching. She was left on her own, left to suffer.

"Hey . . . hey, kid . . ."

Well now she must be going insane, there's no way someone was actually talking to her. And they didn't even insult her? Bullshit, she's obviously dreaming. Her headache somehow worsened, snapping her back to reality. Well that's fantastic, she's still in pain.

"Hey, are you awake?" The gruff voice said again.

The person seemed distant. They must be locked up too. Does that mean Y/n finally isn't alone? She really hoped so. She spent so many of her days staring at the empty cells that surrounded her own, but they remained empty.

"Well, my names Scott . . ."

This was a different voice. Slightly more cheerful. How could anyone sound so joyful in a place like this? Unless maybe they were just trying to sound more welcoming, so Y/n knew they meant no harm. Yeah, that must be it.

Or at least, she hoped so. When Y/n first arrived at The Raft, people would pretend to be nice to her. It was all a lie, they just wanted to lure her in.

It's alright sweetheart, we just wanna check up on you. Make sure you're all right. You were hit pretty bad out there, y'know.

That was four years ago, and Y/n thought she would never fall for something like that again. Was she really that desperate?

"Y/ . . ." She attempted to choke out her name, the first syllable of her name coming out raspy from lack of talking.

Never speak unless spoken to, you know that!

She was spoken to first, she didn't see any harm in a simple one-worded reply. "Y/n . . ."

"Is that your name?" Scott asked. "It's a lovely name." His voice was still kind and soft, like the one a parent would use when speaking to a child. It made Y/n hopeful that maybe this wasn't a trap, and that was enough to try and push herself off the ground into a sitting position.

She groaned, limbs shaking as she used her final amount of strength to sit up, leaning her forehead against the front of the cell so she could see the others. Opening her eyes, straining to see, she noticed there were three people occupying three separate cells.

"You all right?" One of the three asked. It was a stupid question, considering she clearly was not okay, but what else was he supposed to ask?

She merely groaned in response.

The man nodded, as if that was enough of an answer for him. "I'm Sam." He smiled kindly, to distract her from her pain perhaps.

"I'm Clint."

"And I'm-- I'm Scott, uh--."

Y/n actually laughed at Scotts awkwardness, surprisingly. It was a weak, choking laugh, nearly sending her into a coughing fit, but it was a laugh all the same. A genuine one, at that.

Scott seemed to smile at her laughter.

"You, uh, have you been here for long? Do you know why you're here?"

Y/n hesitated slightly for a moment, before realizing that telling them likely wouldn't do her any harm, she hoped.

"4 years, maybe."

She heard disappointed sighs, and Clint muttered a Jesus under his breath as he shook his head.

"I don't think that I'm even here for a legal reason . . ." Y/n mumbled sadly, head nearly dropping down as she thought.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm under Secretary Ross' care. I don't exactly know why, I just know I have been since I was at least 8."

The air was still for a moment, before, "Can you tell us why you're here? In The Raft?" Clint asked softly, moving to sit down on the floor of his cell, crisscrossed.

Y/n looked around as if she was in another world, tear's filling her eyes. "There was an accident . . . It was in 2012, during the attack of New York. I was 15. I was running, I was by myself, and then I collapsed. Blood loss, I think . . . and then there was this blue light, just heading straight for me, and when it hit me it hurt so bad, and I-- I just-- they think somethings wrong with me." Y/n started trembling, and her voice began to waver. "Hey it's all right," Sam spoke. "Deep breaths, in." He did an overexaggerated inhale. "And out." He exhaled.

Y/n copied his actions for a few moments, finally somewhat gaining her composure. "It's all right," Sam continued. "You don't have to keep going, it's okay."

But Y/n continued anyway. "When they put me here they said they just wanted to see if okay. But then things got worse. Ross said he wanted to make me better, he wanted to help, but ever since I got here all they've done is hurt me. And I told them it wasn't my fault, I didn't mean to get hit by that blue light. It wasn't my fault, I swear . . ."

She wanted to plead to them. Please help me, it wasn't my fault! But it seemed she'd have to face the consequences once again.

The door opened with such a loud clang that made her feel like her head was going to explode, and when four rough hands gripped onto her biceps, two hands on each of her arms, she wanted to cry out, but she froze.

A beeping sounded made her halt, along with the feeling of something being clamped around her throat. She knew exactly what it was, and she wanted it off.

"Hey! She's just a kid!"

"Don't touch her!"

"Get your hands off of her! You bastard!"

Y/n knew their shouts would do nothing. She knew that more than anyone.

The guards lifted her off the ground, and Y/n was eye level with Ross. "Take her to the lower levels. Put her with Maximoff." He had a sick smirk on his face.

Y/n was immediately tugged away, and the guards ignored the shouts and protests behind them, taking her lower and lower in The Raft.

It wasn't my fault, I swear . . .

[cierrabiscuits]

Koutaro Bokuto x Fem Reader: Eligible Bachelor

 Summary: Some of the MSBY team are scheduled at a charity event and are auctioned off for dates, you being the manager go with them. The team is well aware of your crush on Bokuto and put a plan in motion. What’s the worst that can happen. 

 Words: 5.1K

 Warnings: Angst if squint, happy ending, MSBY 4 being sold as dates for Charity.

 Authors Note: Hello! This is my first time posting a fic so go easy on me, I hope you all enjoy it and get a good laugh out of it like I did! This is part of a collab with @ambershaydeoffical! Please support all the talented writes who participated. 

Update: I made a route for Sakusa! Find that here

Update: I made a route for Atsumu! Finda that here

Story

“Alrighty boys are you ready to go on in?” You said staring at the four well dressed men  behind you.

 “No, and I want to go home.” Sakusa adjusted his black facemask. He wasn’t keen on coming to this event whatsoever.

 “Sakusa I know, but I really need you! Besides what would you be doing anyway? It's Valentine's day and you're as single as single gets. Live a little. Maybe you will find your Mrs.Clean tonight! Ya never know!” You said as he rolled his eyes and scoffed.

 “Omi-Omi don't be that way. Our lovely manager here worked hard to get us this opportunity, and it's benefiting a charity you scrooge.” Atsumu smacked Sakusa’s back.”I think your just upset because you know all the ladies are going to bid on me.” The blond setter smirked at the very pissed Sakusa who just glared at him.

 “NOoO It's going to be me who gets all the bids. I still have my tan from Brazil and I’m alot cooler than all of you.” Hinata piped up, proudly adjusting his tie that had little volleyballs on it. 

 “Well if we don’t get our asses in that building, aint none of y’all getting any bids, besides I’m freezing to death,” You said rubbing your arms. The dress you wore done little to protect you from the cold night. 

 “Take this please, I don’t want to freeze to death. I like you warm and alive.” Bokuto, who's been oddly quiet, spoke up wrapping his grey tux jacket around your shoulders leaving him in his blue button up. You could smell his cologne on the jacket, you could drown in this and wouldn't complain. Your cheeks ran hot and you managed to let out a “thank you” through chattering teeth.

 “Okay let’s get going.” You said wrapping the jacket tighter around you as the boys followed you like baby ducks. Bokuto walked up beside you while the two boys bickered over who would have the most bids in the back, Sakusa wanted no part in it and stayed to himself. You look at Bokuto  who seemed nervous. You decided to hype him up a bit before he went into emo mode. “Bokuto you are going to have some gorgeous high profile women coming after you tonight, I’m jealous of them.” You didn't lie, you had the biggest crush on Bo, ever since you took the job as the MSBY manager. You never have a frown on your face next to him- until now. You knew he’d have a woman, that's not you, by his side tonight. You’d bid on him until your bank went in the negative but you don’t get paid like the women at this event do.

 “You wait and see, I’ll have the most beautiful one by time the night is out.” Bokuto said, smiling at you. You felt a pang of sadness creep on you, if he only knew. 

 The warm air of the ballroom felt nice against your cool body. You gave Bokuto his jacket back, you secretly wished you could keep it forever. You took in your surroundings, the ball room was filled with women in designer dresses and you could see the small stage in the middle of the room. 

 “Guys I have to find the event coordinator and see what time you guys need to get on stage. Please be on your best behavior, there are cameras everywhere. Atsumu keep the drinking to a minimum, Shoyo for the love of God go to the bathroom now, Omi keep these fools in line and you better be nice to people and last but never the least Bokuto, If you dance please be careful, I don’t want to take you to the ER again because you hit the Cha cha slide too hard. And with that I’m out. I’m counting on you guys.” You said giving them a thumbs up as you got lost into the sea of people to hunt the event coordinator. 

~

 “Thank you so much Y/N! Everyone is looking forward to the auction. We have some models and a couple pop stars who will be in the line up as well as a few volunteers . I want your boys to go at the end, as they say ‘always save the best for last’.” The coordinator spoke over the bustling crowd. She went over the rules and where they needed to go and what time to line up. You soaked in all the information the bubbly coordinator was giving you. “I have to go let the rest of the people know the game plan. Please have your guys here and lined up in half an hour. Thank you again!” And with that she disappeared into the crowd. Now here came the hard part.

You scanned the large ballroom to find your heathens. Sakusa would be the easiest to find because he is most likely on one of the four corners in the building. Hinata was most likely with Bokuto, and Atsumu was a wild card, he could be at the bar, maybe even on the dance floor trying to impress girls with his dance moves(That suck by the way). You recall the time you found him passed out in a bush drunk off ass at a gala last year. You make up a game plan, you would get Bo and Hinata first, then find a hopefully sober Tsumu and lastly get Sakusa (you figured it best not to drag him around the ballroom) You spot Bokuto’s tall figure next to a snack bar, and as you figured Hinata was with him. They were both stuffing their mouths with meat kebabs and other foods like wild animals, they sure love to eat you thought. 

 “Bokuto,Hinata, they are getting ready to line everyone up, wait for me over there.” You said pointing towards an area that was not  too terribly crowded.

 “HEY HEY HEY Y/N try one of these things, they are so freakin good.” He shoved a cake pop in front of your face. You took it from the gray haired boy.

 “Thank you Bo, but we really need to go.” You took a bite from the cake pop. “Wow that is really good.” You said finishing it in one bite. You heard some snickers from a group of girls, they made a smug comment about you eating it all at once. You normally would throw hands but you had an image to uphold. You shouldn't let it bother you but it did.

 “Hey don’t let that bother you, besides I like a girl that can eat.” Bokuto said, patting your head. He is literally the human version of sunshine. 

 “Thanks Bo. But really we need to get the move on, I still have to hunt Tsumu down. Can you and Hinata wait for me over there.” You said pointing to the area again.

 “Roger that.” They said unison. 

  “I’ll be right back.” You said going back into the crowd. You checked the dancefloor first and he wasn't there(You were relieved he was not.). You made your way to the bar and found him surrounded by women who were mesmerized by his thick accent. You waved him down and he nodded and turned his attention back to the group he had attracted.

 “It looks like It's time fer’ me to go, make sure you all bid for me. I’ll be a waitin’” He said getting up and following you. The women he had been entertaining giggled as he walked away.

 “Look at you being a player. I didn’t expect that from a man who yells at girls when they cheer for him.” You leaned into him so he could hear you over the crowd.

 “I’m just tryin’ to raise some money, it's strictly business. My heart belongs to volleyball for the most part.”He said winking at you. He truly is just a fool in love with the sport. 

You led Atsumu to the group and went to retrieve poor  Sakusa. You looked around for a few minutes and felt a tug at the back of your shirt. You turn around and see Sakusa towering over you. 

 “This is new, I’m used to finding you sulking in a corner.” You said staring into his black eyes. 

 “I watched you gather everyone up, I figured I would come on over to make it easier for you.” He began to walk towards the rest of the group.

 “I guess being 6’4 has its perks huh Omi? You're like a watchtower.” You said looking up at the tall spiker.

 “Yeah, guess so.”He said playing with one of his dark curls.

~~

 “Okay we have everyone, so you guys are going last, I’ll leave who goes first to you guys. Now let's go get lined up.” You lead them to the stage and let them line up. Atsumu insisted on going first, Hinata would go after him, then Sakusa and lastly Bokuto. 

 “You owe me some umeboshi after this.” Sakusa said, taking his mask off and putting it in the pocket of his tux.

 “Sure thing. I'll even throw in a thing of nice smelling hand sanitizer for the trouble.” You crossed your arms and smirked at him.

 “I’ll hold you to that.” He said, filing behind Hinata.

 You looked at Bokuto who appeared to be a nervous wreck. He had a small layer of sweat on his forehead and his hands were shaking slightly. “Hey it's going to be okay, I’ll be right here.” You said pulling out your handkerchief and dabbing the sweat off his forehead. “You're amazing and dare I say you're the best looking one.” You said making him blush.

 “Ummm HEY.” Atsumu said glaring at you, obviously butt hurt from your comment. Sakusa was unamused and took it upon himself to kick Atsumu. That gave you the opportunity to turn your attention back to the nervous male beside you. Before you could comfort him the loud speaker cut you off.

 “Ladies and gentleman, would you please give your attention to the center stage, the date auction will begin momentarily.” The coordinator announced causing everyone to tense up a bit.

 “Come on guys loosen up a bit, I’m going to be in the front taking pictures for our instagram page. So show off a little! Show them you are proud to be a part of such an awesome volleyball team!” You hyped them up one last team. “With that being said I want a group picture so bring it in guys.” You said pulling the camera and ushering the athletes into the frame. “Say cheese.” Atsumu wrapped his arm around Sakusa who didn’t have the chance to push him off, Bokuto gave Hinata bunny ears. It was a chaotic photo, but It caught their true essence. 

 “I want a picture with you before you go Y/N. Pleaseee.” Bokuto gave you puppy dogs eyes and you couldn't deny him.

 “Sure Bo. Atsumu here.” You handed him the camera and got beside Bokuto. He wrapped an arm around your waist and held you close to him. You could feel his muscles through the tux that fit just a little too good. 

 “Aww you look like a cute couple.” Atsumu teased as he brought the camera up to snap a picture. You couldn't make a comeback as embarrassment washed over you. You looked up at Bokuto who had a blush adorning his handsome face.

 “Y/N I’m going to do something, don’t get mad.” Bokuto said, picking you up bridal style before you could even protest.

 “That’s what I’m talking about!” Atsumu said, snapping more pictures. 

 “Bokuto put me down, I'm heavy!” You shriked  gripping onto his tux.

 “No you're not. I could carry you around all night like this if you wanted me to!” He smiled down at you! You felt your face light up like a Christmas tree. No matter how big or small you were, Bokuto always made you feel like a princess. 

 “As much as I’d love you to, we gotta get this ball rolling.” You said as he gently placed you back on your feet. “I’ll be taking that.” You said snatching the camera from Atsumu who was smirking. He seemed to be hiding something from the way he was acting. He is definitely sus you thought. You waved the boys goodbye and made you way to the front of the crowd. You got the camera ready as the spotlight of the stage flickered on. 

 “Thank you all for coming out tonight! We hope you are ready to see the heartthrobs we have lined up for you!!” The announcer said setting the tone. “Valentine's day is all about love and being with one another. So if your single, ladies, pull those yen out and let’s get to business!” The crowd cheered and applauded as the auction began.

You didn’t pay much attention to the men coming on stage, your only worry was the last 4. You scrolled through the camera to see the pictures Atsumu took of you and Bokuto. Bokuto had such a wide smile on his face in the pictures, your smile was just as big, even though your face was full of panic in the one where he effortlessly picked you up. You’re pulled from your day dream when you heard the announcer’s voice.

 “We have some special guests tonight from the MSBY volleyball team! We’ll start first with Miya Atsumu!” The announcer said as Atsumu walked on the stage like he owned it. He flipped his hair and looked at the group of women he serenaded earlier and blew them a kiss. You got lucky and snapped a picture of it, he may be annoying as hell but he knows how to get women. He had about ten women fighting over him, his bids kept going up and up. After a cutthroat battle he was sold for roughly  200,000 yen. He smirked and walked off the stage. You couldn’t help but chuckled to yourself, he’d be one of a kind if he didn’t have a twin. 

 “Up next we have Hinata Shoyo!” She said as the tangerine headed boy shly walked on stage. He looked confident for the most part and he thankfully went to the bathroom before this. He had on one of his classic charming but cute smiles. You could hear girls behind you talk about how cute he was. His skin was glowing under the spotlight thanks to the Brazilian sun. His bids went up high, he ended up being sold for 120,000 yen. He waved at the audience and bounced off the stage.

 “Let’s welcome our next bachelor who just so happens to be the tallest one tonight, Sakusa Kiyoomi!” You watched on edge as Sakusa walked out, he didn’t seem nervous but he wasn’t all that interested either, he stood in the middle of the stage like a statue. To make matters worse he wasn’t smiling. You grabbed his attention for a moment and smiled as wide as you could and pointed at your face, you felt like one of the psychotic moms from toddlers and tiaras but you had to do something or he wasn't going to get any bids. You mouthed the words “Smile please” at him and he finally took the hint. He had an awkward but cute smile on his face finally. You relaxed a little and resumed taking pictures. His bids began to go up and quick. Sakusa looked at the exit of the stage and smirked at someone and turned his attention back to the crowd. You could only guess he was looking at Atsumu who was probably pissed at how high Sakusa’s bids were. Sakusa was sold for a whopping 500,000 yen. You know Tsumu’s ego was damaged beyond repair right now. Sakusa bowed and left the stage. 

 “Now let’s end this night right! We have one more contest so let’s welcome Bokuto Koutarou to the stage!” You felt your heart drop and the announcer said his name. You had to watch someone you loved dearly be bid off to some rich girl who would probably steal him away. You tried to knock away negative thoughts but you couldn’t help it. He looked sinfully good when he walked on stage. What nervousness he felt was gone and now it’s nothing but his overwhelming confidence. He carefully watched one specific area of the crowd. You snapped pictures of him (a lot of them being for your personal collection) as he walked around the stage flexing and showing off. His eyes met yours a lot and he seemed to be smirking at you. But his attention always went back to the one area of the crowd. You heard his bids go up, one particular girl was bidding for him like her life depended on having him. Her voice came from the direction he kept starting at. He looked nervous when anyone but her called out a bid. You began to get ate up with pure jealousy, you wish you could take him off the stage and run away with him right then and there. The bids kept going up and up and the girl that kept bidding on him got him for 150,000 yen. He looked ecstatic. He looked at you and smiled before he went off stage. Your heart dropped and you wanted to leave, but you still have work to do. 

 “That concludes the auction tonight! If you won you can meet up with your bachelor over here on the left.” The announcer pointed towards the group of men. You made your way to find the guys so you can take more pictures and let them know where you’ll be when they get done.

 “You guys did awesome!” You said running up to them. They gave you a soft smile. You notice Bokuto was MIA. “Umm guys, where is Bo?” They hesitated for a second but your conversation was cut short as the boys dates for the evening came up.

 “Sakusa was it?” A well dressed man walked up to the tall volleyball player. You noticed a small girl clutching his dress shirt. She couldn’t be any older than 8. “This is my daughter, she wanted someone to dance with her but in all honesty I’m trying to make some business deals while I’m here, keep her company for me.” The man patted his shoulder and slipped some extra money in Sakusa’s shirt pocket, leaving him slacked jawed. 

  “All the umeboshi your heart desires, a big box of the nice face masks you like, and whatever else you want, just please be nice to this poor girl. She looks sad.” You whispered into Omi’s ear trying to persuade him a little more.

 “I didn’t come here to babysit, but I guess I can.” He said low enough that the girl couldn’t hear. Omi peered down at the small girl, she actually had moles on her face kinda like he does but on the opposite side.

 “Umm hi.” She said looking up at the tall man. She seemed nervous. You nugged Omi in the side to get him to say anything.

 “When was the last time you washed your hands?” He asked the girl and you could have choked him. The girl giggled at his statement.

 “I wash my hands all the time! Look my mom even bought me this!” She pulled out a small key chain with a rabbit on it, attached was a small bottle of hand sanitizer. “Would you like some?” She said opening the cap. Sakusa held his hand as the small girl poured some into his hands and she gave herself some as well.

 “Good.” Sakusa said, pulling his mask from his pocket to put it back on. The little girl grabbed his hand and dragged him to the dance floor. You knew this was way out of his comfort zone, but he was still doing it. 

 “Omg your hair is so cute! Can I touch it?” You whipped your head around to see a young bubbly girl talking to Hinata. 

 “Umm s—s sure.” He said nervously as the girl ran and hand through his hair. You couldn’t help but laugh a little. The poor baby seemed so embarrassed. The dance floor was filled with couples and the girl dragged Hinata to the dance floor before he could even get her name. You turned to Atsumu who looked like he had seen a ghost.

 “Young man I’m getting my money's worth tonight so let's go dance.” An old lady who you thought resemble Baba Yaga from spirited away stood in front of poor Atsumu. 

 “Yes ma’am.” He said, forcing a smile.  He looked at you pleasing eyes that screamed “please save me Y/N”. You shook your head at him.

 “Pay attention to me boy, I paid good money for you.” The old lady said whacking Atsumu with the cane she carried.

 “Yes ma’am, sorry ma’am.” He said walking with the old woman to the dance floor. You had to turn your head and laugh, between Sakusa getting stuck babysitting a kid and Atsumu being stuck with a senior citizen after talking all that smack, it was priceless. You guess them ladies Atsumu talked to must not have liked him that much.

You searched around for Bokuto to make sure he got his date for the night, you were also curious who she was and how pretty she was. You felt that jealousy creep back on you. This was going to be a long night. You finally spot Bokuto talking to a drop dead beautiful girl, she looked familiar but you couldn’t quite place her. She and Bokuto seemed to be having a good time, she was laughing at something he had said. Your heart shattered. You look back up to see Bo making eye contact with you. All you could do was smile and get lost in the crowd before he could see the stray tear falling down your cheek. You needed to get outside for a bit, you felt like you were suffocating. You fought the crowd and finally made your way to the exit. You pushed the metal door open. The cold night felt good against your hot skin. You walked down a path in front of the building and tried to collect yourself. 

 “Another year alone and single.” You blurted out to yourself. You find a small bench and decide to sit down for a bit. The night sky brought a sort of comfort to you. The stars twinkled and the moon casted a peaceful light. The cold was getting to you but you were afraid to go back in. You mentally couldn’t handle it. 

 “PARKOUR.” You felt your soul leave your body as you saw a shadow jump over the bench you were sitting on. You flinched back ready to fight off the attacker only to be met with Bokuto standing in front.

 “BO you scared me to death!” You said inhaling a deep breath and clutching your chest.

 “I’m sorry my parkour was so awesome it scared you.” He said, taking his jacket off and draping it yet again around your cold body. Your nose flooded again with the scent of his cologne. It’s calmed you down in a bittersweet way. “But angel what are you doing out here, you’ll get sick if you're not careful.” He kneeled down a bit and pulled the jacket around your cold body more. 

 “I could ask you the same things Mr. Parkour, you have a beautiful woman in there waiting on you, so stop wasting your time on me.” You said trying to hold it together.

 “Well I’m more concerned with the real beautiful one sitting right in front of me.” He said grabbing your shaking hands. Your eyes went wide with what he said.

 “Bo I’m confused?” You said looking into his golden eyes.

 “Well that woman you saw me with is not really my date, yes she did bid on me, but she was never my real date. She is actually the guy who owns our gym's daughter! She agreed to bid on me, but in return she wanted a date with Atsumu’s brother and he agreed to do it! The team helped me do this so I could be with you tonight, but I guess it didn’t go as smoothly as I planned. I’m sorry I made you sad.” Bokuto sat beside you on the bench,

 “Bokuto are you low key confessing to me?” You looked over at him and he smiled and shook his head. 

 “Yes and let me do this properly.” He cleared his throat and held his hand out for you to grab, which you gladly accepted. “Y/N please let me be your date tonight and from here on out please!”  

 “So like boyfriend and girlfriend Bo?” You said wanting to make sure you got the message right.

 “Yes Y/N, please be my girlfriend. All that flexin on the stage was for you baby!” He stood up and flexed again making you laugh. “But in all seriousness, I freakin love you. So what do you say Y/N?” 

 “Yes. I would love nothing mo-“ Bokuto cut you off by lifting your body into his strong arms. You giggled as he swung you both in circles. He slowed down and seen you finally smile again

 “Now that’s a pretty sight, you're not going to be sad on my watch anymore. Now we better get back inside before we freeze to death!” Bokuto wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you two began to walk back. “Wait I have something for you!” He dug through his pockets and pulled out a small jewelry box and handed it to you. You opened it and there was a necklace with a small owl charm and a “B” charm next to it.

 “Bo this is so cute! Can you help me put it on!” You said handing him the necklace. He struggled to get it on but finally got it. The silver was cold on your skin, but you didn’t mind at all.

 “Omi actually helped me pick it out, believe it or not. He said if I would have went alone I would have got something stupid.” Bokuto said, sliding the jewelry box back into his coat pocket. You hate to admit it but Sakusa going was probably a good thing. 

 “Bo I really love it, thank you.” You said leaving up and kissing his cheek. “Now let’s go back, I’ve got to check in on everyone.” You walked into the ballroom with your arm hooked around Bokuto’s bicep. 

You scanned the room to see if you could find any of the guys and the only one you could see was Hinata laughing with his date. They seemed to be hitting it off pretty good. “Bokuto let’s go get something to drink.” You both walked towards the bar, you see that girl who bid on Bokuto sitting next to Osamu. They both seemed to be having a good time.

 “Thank you again! The planned worked Y/N is my girlfriend now!” Bokuto walked up to them and showed you off. 

 “I’m so glad!” The girl said, clasping her hands together. “You are a cute couple.” 

 “Speaking of a cute couple.” Osamu chimed in and pointed towards his brother Atsumu who was being dragged around by that old lady. “I may have given her some free Onigiri vouchers and a few hundred yen to bid on him.” The twin laughed at his brother's despair. 

 “Your evil, but I like it.” The girl said as they clinked their drinks together. 

 “You guys enjoy it, we still have to hunt for Omi.” You bowed and clung back on to Bokuto. 

After circulating the ballroom a few times you finally find Sakusa and the little girl sitting at a table. Sakusa looked dead tired and the little girl was stuffing her face with cake

 “Omi you look like a tired dad.” Bokuto said bursting out laughing at his teammate. 

 “I see your plan worked.” Sakusa said, looking at the necklace through tired eyes. 

 “Yes it did now this cutie is all mine.” Bokuto said peppering your cheek with kisses.

 “How disgusting, when you grow up don’t date idiots like him.” Sakusa looked at the child who just nodded her head. It was hilarious to see Omi so out of his element. “That was directed at you Bokuto not Y/N.” 

 “Omi, he is a idiot but he is my idiot.” You patted Bokuto's back. 

 “Omi-Omi let’s go dance some more. I like this song.” The little girl tugged on his jacket. 

 “Fine.” Omi sighed and followed her dance floor.

 “Now that we know everyone (for the most part) is okay let’s dance!” You said leading Bokuto to the dance floor.

 You danced to every single song and Bo didn’t break anything when the cha cha slide came on. He swung you around all night without a care in the world. 

 “Let’s end the night with something nice and slow.” The Dj said putting on (Insert your favorite slow song)

  “May I have this dance pretty girl?” Bokuto asked, holding his hand out to pull you closer to him.

 “The Macarena may have wore me out, but I guess I have enough wind in me for one last song.” You teased wrapping your arms around his neck. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and began to slowly dance you around the room. 

 You see that little girl struggling to keep up with Omi’s big steps as he attempted to dance with her, he was at least trying you thought. Hinata was slow dancing with his date of the night, they both seemed comfortable and content with each other. Atsumu was still with that granny but he seemed to have accepted defeat as he danced around with her. Osamu danced with the gym owner's daughter and made it a mission to kick his brother when they got close enough, he even messed him up enough to cause the old to hit him with the cane again. You felt Bokuto's grip tighten and he dipped you down enough to finally kiss you on the lips. He pulled away and brought you back up to continue dancing. 

“ I love you Y/N.” Bokuto spoke softly in your ear. 

 “I love you too.” You said as the song faded out.

   “And one more thing Y/N” Bokuto said, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “I told you I would have the most beautiful girl here.”

Fin

[coldmilkcreamery]

memories.

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: jung jaehyun x jung sungchan 💋

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2326

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: jaehyun helps his little brother sungchan with his problem. 

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴/𝘀: 🔞 incest (is it still incest if they stepbrothers tho?), smut

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 🌙

𝗮/𝗻: this is both the longest AND the kinkiest thing i’ve ever wrote, please don’t unfollow us for this lmao 😭😭 also it's kind of a switch up !! it's the middle of out debut week so i wanted to switch it uh 😋😋

> 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 <

  Sungchan stands by the foot of his older brother’s bed frame, tears threatening to spill out. “I- it-t h-hurts.” Sungchan says in between breaths, desperately trying his hardest not to break down in front of his older brother, one he’s always been looking up to. After his mom died when he was just 4, his father remarried a year later and he met his new hyung, Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s mother always said that he was always cold and unresponsive to her but things started changing when Sungchan came into the picture. That night, 13 years ago, Sungie went from being an only child to having his very own older brother to look up to. Despite not being blood brothers, their bond made anyone who didn't know them personally believe that they were. At times, Sungchan would end up at the foot of his hyung’s bed, scared half to death because of the nightmares he’s been having of his mom, and Jaehyun always ended up comforting and letting his younger brother sleep with him. This continued on until Sungie’s nightmares stopped when he was about 12. But here they were, 6 years later, with Sungchan standing at the foot of his bed, just as he would 6 years earlier. Red eyes, puffy cheeks and all.

  As Jaehyun is reminded of all of this, he is brought back to the present as Sungchan lets out a quiet sob, shivering as he can't handle the pain anymore. Jaehyun re-assesses the situation and finally questions, “What hurts Sungie?”, he asks as he reaches out to grab his little brother’s hand, pulling him closer to him. “I- it usually goes away on its own, b-”, Sungchan says in between sobs, now slowly removing the teddy bear from where he held it a minute ago, revealing his not-so-flat frontside, “but it’s been like t-that f-for three h-hours and it s-still won't go a-away.” Jaehyun quickly switches from his worried look to a quite embarrassed one in a matter of seconds. “I-”, he stops, thinking of what to say and how to rephrase what he was originally going to. Scratching the back of his head, he speaks up again, “Didn’t you just, I don’t know, think of rubbing one out?” Sungchan, much like his older brother, switched from a pained look to a confused one, but still kept his red eyes and puffy cheeks. “Huh?”

  And in that moment, Jaehyun realizes that his younger brother, one he grew up with, one he thought was as knowledgeable as he was, was in fact, innocent.

  “I d-don’t know what you're talking about hyung,” Sungchan speaks up, stuttering less, “like I said, I just wait for it to g-go away but tonight it just... won’t.” Jaehyun takes a deep breath and an even longer sigh, contemplating on whether or not to help his brother out, but decides on the former. “Have you ever heard of, man this is really awkward, masturbating? Or jerking off?” Jaehyun asks with a pained expression on his face, as if he was the one with a problem. “I heard Jeno and Jaemin hyung talking about it a bunch of times before but I never asked about it, why hyung?” Before Jaehyun gets the chance to reply, Sungchan breaks the silence once again, “Will that help soothe the pain, hyung? Will you teach me? Will you help me?” Jaehyun sighs once again as Sungchan looks down at his stuffed toy. “Did you lock the door?” Jaehyun asks, gesturing towards his left. Sungie looks up from his teddy bear and answers, “No hyung, I’ll go do it right now.”

  As Sungchan leaves his older brother’s bed to lock the door, Jaehyun braces himself for the weirdest thing he’s ever done his whole life. He’s once again thinking about the consequences of what's about to happen, how mad his parents are going to be, how disgusted his girlfriend is going to be, and on top of that, how grossed out his aunts and uncles and relatives are going to be if they find out. However, before he can list all the negative outcomes of the night, his train of thought gets interrupted when he feels the edge of the bed dip as his little brother sits down near his foot. Jaehyun sighs once again as he prepares to speak up, but gets cut off when his brother winces, then says “Please help me hyung, it hurts so much.” Jaehyun contemplates for the last time as this is his last chance to back out from doing what may potentially damage and destroy his relationship, not only with his little brother, but with his girlfriend and family. He looks at him and realizes that he can’t bear to see his brother in pain any longer and ultimately decides on helping him. “Are you sure you want me to help you?” Jaehyun asks for consent, as he doesn’t want to end up regretting his actions. “Yes hyung, please help me.”

  With one last scratch of the head, Jaehyun tells his younger brother to take his pajamas and underwear off. Sungchan is shocked and hesitant at first but he trusts his brother of 13 years. After all, he’s been there for him for every single problem he’s encountered. When his pet fish died, when he broke his favorite toy truck, even in being bullied, Jaehyun was always nearby to protect and comfort him. As he takes his beige pajamas and gray underwear off, his dick springs up, revealing itself for the first time. Jaehyun’s mouth goes agape, caught in a trance with the wand that is his little brother’s. He feels himself getting hard as well. He knows it’s wrong, but he just can’t help it. “Hyung, stop staring,” Sungchan says, hiding his face in his palm, adjusting his index fingers away from his eyes so that he can see, “you’re making me shy.” Jaehyun looks up from where he was looking and immediately feels his cheeks heating up. He closes his gaping mouth, only to reopen it once again, as he speaks, “It‘s just that uh-,” it’s Jaehyun’s turn to stutter, “you’re really big Sungie, even bigger than me.” He says, whispering the last part.

  Finally deciding to man up and stop being shy, Jaehyun says, “Come here, sit in front of me with your back facing me.” Sungchan does as he’s told and yelps when he feels his older brother hug and pull him back towards him. He can now feel his older brother’s toned body through his back, which gets him excited even more. “Are you okay with me touching you Sungie?” Jaehyun asks, hands still on his little brother’s stomach from the hug. “Yes hyung.” With the words of approval from his brother, Jaehyun slowly but gently moves his cold hands from his brother’s stomach towards his dick. He’s hesitant to touch it at first, but eventually does it. As his frigid fingers touch his brother’s cock, the latter shivers and lets out a quiet moan. Jaehyun looks from his little brother’s cock, then to his face, then back again, and begins moving. “Ah hyung it f-“ Sungchan says in between moans, “f-feels so good- ah!” Jaehyun takes that as encouragement and goes from his excruciatingly slow pace to an even quicker one, sending Sungchan shivers from his cock all the way to his chest. “Hyung, wait-“ Not long after Jaehyun once started, Sungchan starts shivering under his hyung’s hold, “I feel like peeing-rmmgh” Jaehyun speeds up and speaks in a softer voice, “It’s alright Sungie, you’re just releasing pent up stress, for 18 years I assume.” Sungchan’s breathing gets heavier and even more uneven than it already was. With Sungchan’s eyes closed and mouth agape, he releases into his older brother’s hand, cum shooting upward first and landing all over. They stay in that position for a while until Jaehyun lets go of his little brother. “Hyung, I-“ Sungchan speaks up, still breathless from the first orgasm he’s had in 18 years, given to him by his brother, “that felt so good, I- I can’t believe I haven’t done that before.” Jaehyun smiles at his brother’s innocence and grabs a towel from the drawer beside him and cleans his little brother up, still in the same position they were in 5 minutes ago.

  As Jaehyun wipes his brother clean, he remembers everything that he was thinking about 10 minutes ago, and makes a pained face. “Sungie, I know it felt good but you can’t tell anyone about what just happened okay?” Sungchan nods as his older brother speaks, “Jerking off is normally supposed to be done alone, not with anyone else—especially not with your brother. If anyone finds out Sungie I might-“

  “Hyung,” Sungchan interrupts in a calm manner, “it’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.” Sungchan sends Jaehyun a warm smile as he gets out of his position to wear his pajamas once again, but pauses when he notices the big bulge in his older brother’s boxers. “Hyung, do you need help with that?” Jaehyun looked down and only now remembers and sees how obvious the bulge in his boxers is. “It’s alright Sung-“

  “No hyung, I’ll help you, it’s okay. I know how much it hurts so I’ll help you feel better. I need practice anyway.” Jaehyun inhales sharply as Sungchan lays in front of him, belly facing down on the bed as his long fingers pull his Calvin Klein boxers down. “Wow hyung I may be longer but yours is really really thick,” Sungchan says, a surprised face put on, “and veiny too.” Jaehyun’s dick twitches at his younger brother’s words and Sungchan takes that as a sign to start. He’s not really sure on how to do it because his eyes were closed when his brother was doing him so he gently placed his hands on his brother’s dick in an attempt to mimic the older’s actions minutes ago, but stops when he realizes he doesn’t know what he’s doing. “Uhh hyung?” Sungchan says in a question-like manner, eyebrows up. “Here,” Jaehyun puts his hand over Sungchan’s as they move up and down the former’s cock. Jaehyun starts moaning as Sungchan has his mouth agape, surprised with what his hands are making his brother feel right now. Jaehyun lets go and lets his younger brother do him alone. Sungchan starts experimenting with speed, but still ends up putting his other hand on the older’s balls, which Jaehyun moans even louder at. Not long after, the younger feels his brother’s moans getting louder and louder, breath getting heavier and heavier just as his did 10 minutes ago. The older’s dick started twitching as Jaehyun said, “Oh fuck Sungie I think I’m about to- uhh-“ Ropes of cum shoot out Jaehyun’s cock and land on Sungchan’s face because of the position they were in. Sungchan was surprised at first but just stayed still. Once Jaehyun came down from his high, he quickly apologized and grabbed the towel he previously used to wipe the younger’s face. “I totally forgot we were in that position. I'm sorry.” Jaehyun says with a worried look. “It’s okay hyung, just let me sleep here tonight, I feel tired already.” Jaehyun contemplates on how awkward it would be to spend the night with his brother after what they just did, but comes to the conclusion that he’d much rather wake up to his brother than to wake up alone. “Alright Sungie. Just don’t tell mom or dad or anyone about this okay?”

  “Yeah yeah hyung, I know”, Sungchan says as he puts his pajamas on, face still sticky from his older brother’s cum. Jaehyun moves to the corner of the bed, towards the wall, to make room for his younger brother. They both face the door, Jaehyun’s hands wrapped around Sungchan’s body as the latter hugs his teddy bear. “You know Sungie, this all reminds me of when you had nightmares and came to sleep with me a lot, maybe 8 or so years ago,” Jaehyun says out of the blue, memories rushing back to his mind, “when you were twelve, and I believe that that was the year you had started sleeping alone, well I woke up a bunch of times before you did and noticed you started getting morning wood. It was pretty funny to me at the time but I never knew that you didn’t jerk off or anything. I started doing it at 11, so at that time I have been doing it for three years already. I expected that you’d already started but.. apparently not. That must’ve hurt a lot Sungie.”

  “I just didn’t know hyung. But I’m glad you taught me now, even if i’m already 18. I can’t believe I went all these years without knowing how good that feels, Thank you Jaehyunie Hyung”, Sungchan looks behind, a smile on his face. Jaehyun snuggles into Sungchan’s back as they both drift into deep sleep. Some memories were made that night, in the Jung household, memories Mr. and Mrs. Jung never ended up finding out about.

-

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙: 01.02.21

𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: 01.03.21

[minaslittleone]

Fission & Fusion (Part 2)

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: How did the refined and proper Wilhemina Venable end up working for two coked-up tech bros out of the back of a van?

An origin story of sorts, dedicated to the amazing @lucyintheskywithxanax who has developed such a beautiful and nuanced depiction of Mina. This was inspired by her incredible story "And I failed to climb the mountain".

Word count: ~2700

The hours after that were fuzzy. After storming out of her parents house with little more than the bare essentials and no intention of returning Wilhemina didn't really have much of a plan. She had never fantasized about running away as a child, she hadn't even been brave enough to rebel vicariously and yet here she was, with no plan and no where to go. And terrified.

But Wilhemina was nothing if not practical so she sequestered all of those doubts and anxieties down into the deepest corners of her brain to be dealt with later, she told herself. Really to be dealt with never.

Practically speaking, money was her first concern. She knew that her mother's threat to cut her off had not been idle, but she also hoped that her mother would continue to underestimate her long enough that she would be able to clear the remaining funds out of her account before her mother froze it. Her pride raged against the idea of taking the idea of taking the money religiously placed into her "allowance" once a month by her father, hating how spoiled that made her sound and wanting to be free of any lingering ties to her parents. She would have gladly traded every last dime for any other monthly ritual with her father, for anything with him really. But she was a casualty of her parents' failing marriage, the only thing that they hated more than each other was the idea of acknowledging that their marriage had long since fallen apart. Her father avoided the house like the plague, and her by extension, throwing himself deeper and deeper into his professional life to mask the failure of his personal one. And so their relationship had become almost completely transactional, her father attempting to atone for his absence by providing her with everything she could ever dream of, save for the one thing she truly wanted - his affection. But as much as she hated the money and everything it represented, she really wasn't left with much of a choice.

That was how she found herself standing in front of a bank teller at 1:30pm on a Wednesday afternoon, lying through her teeth and praying that her voice wasn't shaking as much as her hands. Exactly how she had got there she wasn't sure - a bus? Surely she hadn't walked this far - she was completely focused on getting what money she could and getting out.

The process was certainly made easier by the fact that she had been coming to this branch since her father had opened the account on her sixteenth birthday. And maybe for once in her life her twisted frame would be an asset - it was difficult to forget a girl her age with flaming red hair and a cane.

So she lied. She told the teller that she was using the money to put towards a car but that her parents were unfortunately too busy to accompany her. That part wasn't even really a lie, her parents were always too busy. Either way the teller didn't seem to see anything unusual about depositing the entire $5000 balance into Wilhemina's hand, before politely wishing her a pleasant day.

She had thought she would feel safer with the money in hand, feel like she had more control over the situation. In fact all it did was make her realise how vulnerable she was. How she would never be able to defend herself if someone decided they wanted to take it from her. Maybe her mother had been right, maybe she really was too broken and useless to survive on her own.

She could feel her heart racing. She had to find somewhere to stay. Find somewhere that she could get off the street. Maybe then she would feel safer. Maybe.

Except she didn't know how long she would need to make that $5000 last. She had no job and had effectively forfeited her degree the minute she walked out her parents' front door. Any future prospects she had were tied to their connections anyway. Oh god, what was she going to do? She had no experience and no qualifications, and any jobs that would have been open to her without those were made impossible by her twisted spine. She wouldn't have been able to stand for long enough to finish a shift as a waitress, let alone carry much whilst also maneuvering her cane.

So she would have to make the money last. At least until she managed to come up with a better plan. Which is how she found herself unpacking her meagre possessions into a battered shell of a room in a run down hotel that offered rooms by the hour. As she eased herself down onto the bed, finally allowing her back some respite after hours on her feet, she reasoned that this was the best choice for now. And she would think of something, this was only temporary.

But it hurt. The adrenaline from her triumphant exit earlier that morning was long gone and now she was left with the painful reality of what life on her own would look like. At the moment it consisted of a sea of mismatched floral patterned fabrics, a green melamine kitchenette and far too many questionable stains.

She felt like she was suffocating, that the battered walls with their pealing wallpaper were steadily encroaching on her, squeezing the last ounces of calm and confidence out of her by force. She had to get out, had to keep moving, had to keep busy lest the reality of her situation catch up to her and drown her in its melancholy.

She burst from the room, shaking fingers struggling clumsily against the lock. She had to get away, to be anywhere but here. Away from the stale smelling room with the pealing wallpaper. Away from the lumpy bed swathed in garish floral covers of questionable cleanliness. Away from the suffocating reminder of how alone she was.

It shouldn't have surprised her that she would end up back in the college library, it's where she spent most of her time any way, finding any excuse she could not to go home. It was quiet and it was safe. Between the warm, dim lighting and the earthy smell of the old wooden shelves and the books themselves Wilhemina finally began to calm. She could feel the tension to funnel out of her trembling fingers, feel heart finally stop racing and draw her first real breath in hours.

She didn't know how long she sat there, not really seeing or hearing the world around her, just being, adjusting. Letting her body and mind begin to come to terms with her situation. Start to reset her parameters and realise that she wasn't going home tonight, that there wasn't a home to go anymore. Perhaps there never had been, not in the ways that mattered.

She was drawn from her haze by the gentle but insistent whispering of her name that indicated that this wasn't the first time the owner had tried to rouse her. As her vision cleared she was met with the kind, if not slightly concerned countenance of her adviser, Professor Thompson.

"Is everything alright, Wilhemina?" She could only nod dumbly in response. "I missed you in class this morning" the older woman added. "I know you said had a specialist appointment and might be late, but I got worried when you never showed up. Did everything go ok?" Wilhemina couldn't find the words to answer, couldn't find a way to explain how her life had been pulled out from under her in the preceding few hours. Her mouth guppied in response, producing several sounds that could have been the start of ideas but nothing intelligible.

Professor Thompson's brow furrowed. Over the years that she had known Wilhemina Venable she had always been impressed by her tenacity. For all this young woman had endured, she had refused to let it define her. She was always the first present in class, sitting front and centre, attention never wavering, even on the days Professor Thompson could see the tell tale signs of pain breaking through her indifferent facade. The tension in her brow and jaw, the twitch of her lips and narrowing of her eyes at each spasm, the shifting in her seat in a desperate effort to find some level of comfort. There was a hardness, a determination in the eyes of that girl which said she refused to give up which was notably absent now, replaced by a glazed, foggy expression that made Professor Thompson's heart hurt.

"Wilhemina," she tried again, "would it be easier if we discussed this in my office?" The redhead's eyes rolled up to meet hers almost drunkenly, obviously still not entirely processing the world around her. She managed a small nod, vacant eyes focusing somewhere in the middle distance. "Here, let me take your bag" she offered, hands floating just beyond Wilhemina's shoulders as the redhead hoisted herself to her feet, swaying slightly as she found some semblance of equilibrium.

Professor Thompson couldn't help but bring a hand to gently cup Wilhemina's upper arm, causing the younger woman to finally meet her gaze. Oh and didn't it just break her heart, the pleading terrified desperation she found in those deep brown eyes. "Come on, dear" she coaxed, "this way."

Wilhemina felt herself start to come back into her own body as she sat in Professor Thompson's office, old worn leather chair beneath her and warm cup of sweetened tea pressed into her trembling hands.

Professor Thompson noticed the change as well. "Easy, dear" she cautioned, as Wilhemina's shaking hands tried to raise the warm mug to her lips. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes" Wilhemina managed to rasp.

Professor Thompson reached out her hand to rest on Wilhemina's knee, rubbing slow comforting circles. "Do you think you can me what happened? Was it something at your appointment? Do you need another surgery?"

"No" Wilhemina whispered, teeth worrying her bottom lip before lifting her eyes to the older woman, who's warm gaze encouraged her to continue. "The surgeon doesn't want to do anything, doesn't think it's necessary to do anything. My mother on the other hand is not satisfied and won't be until I look *normal*"

"I'm sure she just wants the best for you" the older woman tried.

"She wants me to stop being an embarrassment. She flat out told the surgeon she doesn't care about my pain, she only wants him to fix how hideous I look." It was happening again, Wilhemina realised, the years of repressed pain and frustration spewing out of her unbidden. "The surgeon stopped recommending procedures when I was eighteen because they weren't likely to help but my mother kept insisting because I looked so hideous she couldn't stand it. She put me through years of pain because I was so ugly and she was so ashamed of me." Her voiced cracked as the tears she had tried so hard contain broke free down her cheeks.

"She was trying to do it again" Wilhemina choked. "She was trying to convince him to operate again and I finally told her no."

"And how did she take that?" Professor Thompson asked, almost fearing the answer. Wilhemina let out a self-depricating laugh through her tears, rolling her eyes. "Wilhemina," she added urgently, gently squeezing her knee to get her attention, "she didn't hurt you, did she?"

Wilhemina stopped at that. "Not physically, no." A beat of understanding passed between the two women before Wilhemina continued. "She threw me out, cut me off, told me I was completely on my own unless I agree to have the surgery. Told me I can kiss my degree goodbye." The older woman gasped. "I told her she could have it, I was done with her controlling my life."

Professor Thompson reached out to take Wilhemina's hands, squeezing them in her own. "That was so incredibly brave." Wilhemina let out a wry chuckle "You don't think I'm completely mad?" Another warm squeeze of her hands. "Absolutely not. I think you are so strong."

Wilhemina raised her eyes again to meet those of her professor, searching them for the signs of a lie. Finding none she felt her chin begin to tremble as she fought against the tears.

She lost. The tears came bubbling out of her against her will. Tears for the years of pain she had endured, both physical and emotional, at her mother's hands. Tears for the little girl who spent years in pain trying to convince her parents that it wasn't all in her head. For her childhood that had been stolen from her. For the little girl alone in a hospital, who's parents were far too busy to visit, who was left to rely on nurses for comfort and support. For the twenty four year old woman who had just lost everything.

She curled in on herself as much as her twisted spine would allow, rocking rhythmically backwards and forwards, trying in vain to offer herself some comfort. She felt the chair next to her dip and then she was being cradled in her advisors arms - how embarassing. But try as she might she couldn't quiet the hysterical sobs.

Eventually pulled herself out of the older womans arms, trying to regain some level of dignity. Professor Thompson gave her hands one last squeeze as she let her go.

"We will find a solution to all of this" she assured "but for now all of that can wait. You need to eat and you need to sleep. You must be exhausted" Wilhemina nodded, still frantically pawing at her tear-stained cheeks. There was no point hiding anymore, not after her earlier display.

"Do you have somewhere to stay?" Professor Thompson asked. "You're welcome to my spare room if not"

"No it's fine" Wilhemina replied, glad to avoid imposing on her professor further. "I have a hotel room."

"Ok I'll drive you" Wilhemina tried valiantly to rebuff Professor Thompson's kindness, but the older woman would not be dissuaded. And once Wilhemina realised how dark it had gotten she was secretly grateful.

As the car came to a stop in front what currently passed for Wilhemina's lodgings, Professor Thompson took her hand once more. "After work tomorrow" she pressed "I am picking you up and you are having dinner with me. It will give us a chance to come up with a plan for what happens next. I refuse to see someone as smart and driven as you are, Wilhemina, be sabotaged by negligent parenting. We will figure this out."

Wilhemina couldn't even bring herself to try and rebuff such kindness, for how her heart ached for it. Instead all she could manage was a watery "okay" and tremulous smile. As she walked back to her room she felt lighter than she had all day, tension finally beginning to drain from her body like water trickling down her arms and plummeting from her fingertips.

Exhaustion quickly rose to fill vacancy making her limbs heavy and fingers clumsy. Almost there, she told herself as she struggled with foreign keychain, not much longer. Just inside the door and then you can rest. But try as she might her exhausted mind could not make sense of the lock nor could it co-ordinate her trembling fingers well enough to keep hold of the keys which fell limply to the concrete just beyond her door.

It was as if the universe was laughing at her, she thought, as she gingerly squatted down, bending her legs to compensate for her immobilised spine. After all the humiliation she had endured today she could not be allowed to rest without at least one more reminder of her inadequacy. So fucking useless, the voice in ear chided, so fucking stupid. Hurry up and pick up the god damn keys and open the door like a normal, functional human being. Can you manage that much at least?

And maybe she could have managed it had the hand she extended to reach for her keys not been firmly crushed into the concrete and pulled away from her by a steal-capped boot, upsetting her precarious equilibrium and sending her sprawling face first into the concrete.

"Now, what's a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?"

A/N: Ok, so number one - I'm sorry (ducks). I promise I won't hurt her too much. This part wasn't even in my original plan but then the angsty little plot demons took over and here we are. Number two - for those of you who are interested I wrote Professor Thompson with Prof. Stromwell (Holland's character from legally blonde) in mind because I think she is exactly the type of tough but caring person that baby Mina would be drawn to. But also because I'm dying to see Sarah and Holland work on a project together, so this was my own vicarious little head cannon.