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#i really do hope that things are becoming a bit better
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Hello! Many people have said this but ill say it too, I LOVE YOUR COMIC SO MUCH ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡
I really wanted to ask you about how you do the backgrounds? (Something i struggle with) whats the process? Like from start to finish, also, to do the rise backgrounds do you use reference from the show and generally real photo of ny? Or do you come up with them? And last question- The shadow and light on the background- Like HOW
i know it’s a lot of questions but i’m just so curious qwq and wanna learn to be better, thank you again in case you read this and respond, in case you don’t, i hope you have a nice day and a wonderful life uwu keep up the great work! (≧◡≦) ♡
Backgrounds are a really broad subject and I'm always a little overwhelmed when asked this question. Just like drawing the human body, backgrounds take time, repetition, and practice!
My answer got a bit long, so it's going under a read more :) but if you digest info better in video format I found this on youtube
youtube
It pretty much goes over everything I wanted to say, but in a much better way. I wish I had found it before writing all this out lol
ok, first of all, I'm not a teacher nor was I built to be one of those cool helpful art tutorial people who do a full coloured tutorial filled with illustrations. This is just going to be a messy "how I do backgrounds / environment layouts from start to finish." kinda thing.
... lets start with a sight tangent.
Sketch from Life!!!
If you want to get better at backgrounds I recommend doing some sketching out in the real world!
When I was first getting into doing backgrounds I went to cafes and parks to just sketch the buildings and objects. Sketch rocks, flowers, clumps of grass, garbage cans, bottles, tables, street signs, etc. If you are drawing a tree observe how the trunks twist, how the bark flows, or how the leaves are bunched.
If you can't leave the house the same still applies! Sketch the interiors of your house, the walls, or common objects like chairs and bookshelves. How are objects stacked? items on the floor?
If you aren't comfortable with drawing outside or in public you can take some photos to draw from! They are good for practice and you can use them again as references later. Alternatively you can find pictures online of buildings and objects to sketch as practice.
All spaces have objects in them, it becomes easier to draw those kinds of spaces when you already have spent time observing and sketching them.
ALSO! They don't have to be good sketches! It's just to build out your mental catalogue and strengthen your perception of perspective.
now the actual thing...
BACKGROUNDS
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(the pictures used for this are my own. I dug them out of my 2022 folder)
Backgrounds have slightly different rules based on what you are making them for. Videogame Environment Concept Art vs Animation Layouts vs Comic Backgrounds vs Illustration backgrounds.
They all follow the same basics, which I will go over here, but the intention and function of those designs are going to be different. It's all about how you set up the scene and what it's purpose is!
Brainstorming and Thumbnailing
I like to think about a location as though it is a character. An abandoned old house with creaky sagging floorboards is very different from a futuristic space ship with sharp metal floor panels. A gas station has a very different feeling from a library.
I usually start by asking what is this location's story? Why was it built and for what purpose? What kinds of things does this room need to fulfill that purpose? You don’t need solid answers, but its good to be thinking about it while you are working.
Next, sketch some ideas for how this place is going to look. For me, this usually involves drawing the idea from multiple angles and then making lists & small sketches of the objects I think should be filling the space.
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Example: The main character of my original work is a Wanderer. They collect a lot of things on their travels, but those items have to be small enough to be easily carried in a backpack. I wanted his room to be in the corner of an attic, walled off by curtains, and filled with trinkets. You can see some of my brainstorming above.
References
I only look for references after I've done some sketching and planning; this is to solidify my idea first so that I don't accidentally copy anyone else's work. I will make a moodboard with pictures of lighting, colours, items, rooms with specific ceiling beams, old chairs, etc. basically whatever I feel fits the vibe.
Honestly, I don't use references as much as I should. For ROTTMNT fanart I look at backgrounds and screenshots from the series to study the style. I also reference actual photos of NYC to get a feel for how Rise condenses the visual information.
In general, it's good to have references of real life objects/locations, because there are so many details like cracks in pavement, stickers on polls, crowning on buildings, fancy fencing, weird chair legs, etc. that you might not think of. It's the imperfect details that can make a location feel more alive.
Perspective
Once you have your chosen sketch we move to.... the infamous perspective boxes. Doing backgrounds is just learning to be comfortable drawing So Many boxes and carving items out of them.
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Many better artists than myself have made videos on perspective, vanishing points, and all the technical bits. Videos like THIS ONE and THIS ONE are helpful (this post is great too!!). There are probably a lot of classes to be found on Skillshare or Schoolism. I learned a lot of this in my college art course, so I can't give you a specific video which helped me.
You can get by and be a good artist without learning this stuff. There are quite a few successful artists who have admitted they never bothered to learn perspective (one of these people even made a whole graphic novel series).
I personally avoided properly learning this stuff until I was in my 20s because I thought it would be boring and difficult to do. tbh I really wish I had learned it earlier because it's so much fun to make those silly little boxes imo. It looks scary and complicated but, just like drawing humans, it just takes time, repetition, and practice to develop the knowledge and skills.
Cleanup
You have your boxes and lines! Cool! Now to make a scene out of it. Fill in the details, get everything placed were you want it! Generally, the lines of each item will point back towards the horizon line, but they can have different perspective points.
Generally you would want to clean it up and get your room completely sketched before doing the lineart. I tend to combine the steps (not recommended)
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Lineart
I've mentioned how I do this before. Closer objects have thicker lines and more detailed inside. Further objects have thinner lines and less detail. I didn't quite achieve that balance with the image below, but it's close enough.
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Colours and Shading will have to be a separate post. In the meantime, I highly recommend the book "Color and Light" by James Gurney. I used to borrow it from my local library and a good chunk of my knowledge was learned from it :)
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lee-laurent · 1 day
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T'es ben chix - Luke Hughes
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Summary: Amélie decides Luke Hughes is the cutest boy she's ever seen, but she doesn't know how to tell him.
wc: 7k
content: fluff, a little bit of angst, kissing, panic attacks, anxiety, quick make out session, a couple dirty jokes, long distance relationship (let me know if missed anything!)
notes: don't let the title fool you, this fic is still in english!! i realized the other day while doing schoolwork that i don't have a fic that discusses being french-canadian. so... here we are! this fic was super fun for me to write and i incorporated experiences and challenges i have faced over the last few years. a lot of the mistakes that amélie makes are mistakes that i have made or that other french speakers make when speaking english bc sometimes we try to directly translate things and it just does not work lol i reallly hope you guys enjoy!!! and to any other francophones out there: let's be friends!!
just finished writing and it's about 5k words more than i was planning
Amélie honestly wasn't the biggest fan of going out back home, so going out in a place where she could barely speak the language was even worse. But a few of the girls she'd befriended had convinced her it was a good way to get to know more people and to let loose. She sat with the three other girls at a small table, her fingers drumming against the glass of her cocktail.
"Yeah, what did you think of that guy that presented today, Am?"
"Hm? He did... good."
"No, silly. Did you think he was cute?"
"Oh, um, he's... how do you say... not my type?"
"Not your type? Then what is your type, Am?"
"Probably that guy she's been making googly eyes at all night," one of the others teased.
"Who? The tall, curly haired guy in the corner?"
Amélie blushed, sipping at the alcohol for courage.
"Ooo, she's totally into him!"
"You should go talk to him, Am!"
"No... I tell you... no American boys," she waved them off.
"Well, that's too bad. Cause it looks like he's comin' over here. We'll be at the bar if you need us."
"Guys..."
But it was too late, the other girls were already up and headed towards the bar.
"Calisse," she mumbled, trying to ignore the tall figure approaching her table.
"Mind if I sit?" he asked. She looked up at him, her lips pursed. He had the same curly hair and boyish smile that her friends had been teasing her about. She really hadn't planned on talking to anyone tonight, let alone any boys. The girls knew her rule: no falling for any boys while she was in America.
"Uh... sure," she replied, gesturing to the empty chairs across from her.
He smiled, sitting down casually, rubbing his palms on his pants. "I'm Luke. I, uh, I thought I'd come introduce myslef since we, uh, made eye contact so many times."
Amélie bit her lip, nodding as he spoke. She barely knew enough English to follow what her friends were saying, and now she had to talk to some random guy at this bar she didn't even want to be at. "I, uh, I am Amélie."
"Amélie? That's a really pretty name. Did I, uh, did I say it right? Amélie?"
Her cheeks flushed, her eyes flickering down to her drink. "Yeah... that is right. Thank you." Her fingers tightened around the glass, trying to think of something to say next, but everything just came in French.
Luke could sense her hesitation, suddenly becoming way more nervous about coming over. Maybe it had been stupid. Maybe he was making her feel uncomfortable. "I just thought... I don't know. You seemed nice. Do you, uh, want to talk, or...?"
She met his gaze, taking a deep breath. He was trying and he seemed nice, like he really wanted to talk to her. "I... my English, it is not very good," her accent thickening as she spoke. "It is... hard for me."
Luke nodded, leaning forward slightly. He had teammates that didn't speak English as their first language, so he kind of knew what to expect. "That's fine. I'm sure it's better than my French. That is your first language, right? French? Sorry, I just assumed cause your name-"
"Yes, French," she cut him off, giggling at his rambling.
"I can barely say anything in French, so you've already got me beat."
His attempt to make her feel better worked... a little. "It is easier... to write. But speaking... more pressure, I forget the words lots."
"I get that. But we can just... talk slowly."
She sipped at her drink, waiting for him to continue.
"So, what brings you to Jersey? Not a lot of French people here."
"Exchange... at Rutgers. I am from Québec. Saguenay. But I come here... and I work on my English."
"That's super cool. It's awesome that you're pushing yourself to get better. I, uh, I went to Umich for a bit, but-"
"Umich?"
"Oh, right. University of Michigan. I lived in Michigan before I lived here."
"You move here because..."
"For hockey. I play hockey."
"Oh... that's cool. I like Les Canadiens. You play in the LNH?"
"The NHL? Yeah, I do. You like hockey?"
"Everyone in Québec likes hockey. Very popular."
"But you didn't know who I was," Luke teased.
"Only like Les Canadiens, sorry," she shrugged.
"Well, that's fair, I guess. The Habs are pretty big in Québec, huh?"
"Yes! My family... all big fan." She felt comfortable talking about her family, talking about home, the things she liked. Her dad watched every Habs game on TV and sometimes he'd even drive down to Montréal for a weekend to see them play.
"My family loves hockey too. Everyone plays. My mom, my dad, me, and both my brothers. It's like in our blood... or something."
"They play for... the same team?"
"One of them does. Jack, he plays with me. My other brother, Quinn, he plays in Vancouver," Luke tried to keep it casual, not wanting it to seem like he was bragging.
"Ah! The Canucks!"
"See, you know a bit about other teams," he teased.
"Shhh," she giggled. "Your family... they seem very... what's the word... talented."
"Guess you could say that."
She took another sip of her drink, her mind buzzing with questions to ask, but none of them coming to her in English. She wanted to ask more about his brothers, about how he started playing hockey, but her mouth just couldn't keep up with her brain. She also didn't want to come off as rude or obsessed with him because of his title, so she just nodded.
"You don't have to worry, you know. I'm not judging you," Luke comforted. "So, what do you do when you're learning English or watching the Habs? You got any other hobbies?"
"I like to... read. And bake... when I have time."
"Reading and baking," Luke mused. "What do you bake?"
"Everything," she giggled. "Tarte au sucre is my preferred. My mom... she always bakes with me."
"Tarte au sucre? What's that? Sugar pie?" Luke's eyes lit up. "You'll have to make me that one day. I've never had it."
"Maybe. You will have to see."
"Challenge accepted."
Amélie went to respond, but her phone buzzing stopped her. It was her friends calling, probably ready to head on to another bar. She didn't want her conversation with Luke to end, but she knew she couldn't stay there all night.
"I have to go. My friends... waiting," she sighed.
Luke's face fell a little but he nodded. "Yeah, I get it. But I, uh, this was fun."
"Me too."
There was silence for a little, neither of them wanting to be the first to say goodbye. "You should give me... your phone number. So you can try my tarte au sucre."
"Sounds like a plan," Luke said, handing his phone over for her. She typed in her name and phone number, adding a '<3' next to Amélie.
"Text me," she giggled, waving goodbye as she joined the other girls at the bar. Luke watched as the four of them started talking amongst themselves quickly, giggling as Amélie told them about her conversation with the hockey player.
He finally stood up, making his way back over to the table where his teammates were sat. Curtis raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk plastered on his face.
"Well, how'd it go, Romeo?" He leaned forward, failing to conceal his grin.
Luke rolled his eyes, "Good, actually. Really good."
Nico raised his pint, "Told you. You just had to go for it."
"So... what's next?" Curtis nudged him. "You ask for her number?"
Luke nodded, trying to play it cool. "Yeah, we'll probably meet up again."
"Probably?"
"Okay, fine. Yeah, we'll see each other again. I'm going to try her sugar pie she was talking about."
"Sugar pie? Is that what we're calling it nowadays?" Nico teased, causing the whole table to erupt in laughter.
Luke shook his head, letting the teasing slide. His mind was too focused on the girl with a French accent and promises of baking him pie. He had to see her again.
~~
Luke found texting Amélie way easier than he'd imagined. She wasn't lying when she said her writing was better than her speaking. Her texts barely ever had mistakes, in fact sometimes they were worded better than his.
They texted back and forth constantly, which earned Luke some teasing from his colleagues. In writing, Amélie was much more confident, returning his flirting with practiced ease. Her personality really shone through in a way it hadn't at the bar. She'd occasionally crack jokes, usually about how he didn't know any French and that she'd have to teach him. Their conversations flowed, talking about their days, sharing stories, discussing the schoolwork that Amélie had, and sometimes sharing pictures of their meals. Although Jack did most of Luke's cooking, he'd never admit that to the girl.
You have to come and try my tarte au sucre soon! Only if you're brave enough though ;)
Luke grinned at his phone, his fingers furiously typing back a reply.
Oh, I'm brave enough. Just let me know when, and I'll be there.
I will. Maybe next week? I need to make sure it's perfect first.
Deal.
~~
Amélie paced her apartment, making sure that everything was in order before Luke came over. She was even more nervous than she had been in the bar. She really wanted things to go well. They had decided to label the event as their first date, and although a bit informal, she was still shitting herself.
The pie was sitting on her kitchen island, untouched. She didn't want to eat any of it until Luke was there to eat it with her. She was worried he'd get in trouble because it wasn't part of his meal plan for work, but he had reassured it multiple times that it wasn't a big deal if he had a little pie.
Just as she was about to rearrange her throw pillows for the third time, there was a knock at her door. She froze mid-step, wiping her hands on her jeans as she made her way to the door.
It was just a pie. And it was just Luke. Nothing to be too worried about.
She hesitated for a moment before she pulled the door open, tilting her head back to look up at Luke. He was standing there in a Devils hoodie and some track pants, a baseball cap covering his curls. He looked relaxed, his hands tucked in the pocket of his hoodie. Amélie hated how nonchalant he looked in comparison to her.
"Hey," he greeted. "I brough my appetite, as promised."
"Good. I hope you are ready," she joked, stepping out of the way to let him in. He pulled off his shoes, taking in her cozy apartment. He laughed when his eyes landed on the big Québec flag hung behind her couch.
"I'm sure it'll be amazing. I'm looking forward to it, don't worry."
She nodded, though her nerves didn't disappear. She led him into the kitchen where the pie sat waiting. The smell of it filled the small space, warm and sweet.
"Wow, looks good, Am. Guess you weren't kidding about being a good baker."
"It's like you with hockey. My talent," she giggled, blushing as their eyes met.
"I don't know. Your baking skills may be miles ahead of my hockey skills."
"Don't lie. Let's see if it tastes as good as the smell," she grabbed a knife, finally cutting the pie into pieces. She placed a generous slice in front of Luke, taking in how comfortable he looked in the situation. She really admired how easygoing he was compared to her. It was their first date, but his demeanor made it seem like they'd been seeing each other for months. Meanwhile, her heart hadn't stopped racing since she opened the door minutes before.
Luke picked up his fork, flashing her a grin before taking his first bite. His eyes widened and he let out a pleased hum, "Holy shit, this is so good."
"You like it?"
"Are you kidding? This is like the best dessert I've ever had... don't tell my mom I said that. But really, Amélie, you've ruined all other pies for me. Can I take some home to show Jack?"
"Of course! I'm glad you like it. Is my mom's recipe."
"You should probably teach me how to make this, so I don't have to beg you every time I want some."
"I wouldn't mind," she giggled, taking a bite of her own slice. The taste reminded her of home and she suddenly felt a lot less nervous about messing up her English in front of Luke. They continued to eat their pie as they talked, shifting the conversation to more personal topics, wanting to know everything about each other.
Luke told stories about growing up with his brothers, sharing embarrassing moments from their childhoods and the occasional hockey-related mishap. Amélie found herself laughing more than she had since she'd arrived in America, her body filling with warmth.
"And that's how Jack ended up chipping his tooth. Our mom was furious, but Quinn and I thought it was hilarious," Luke explained, shaking his head at the memory.
She laughed, her shoulders shaking. "You and your brother... troublemakers," she teased, resting her chin on her hand as she listened to him talk. God, she could listen to Luke talk for hours. His accent was the cutest thing she'd ever heard and his smile curved up more on one side than the other, almost like a smirk. He was so perfect.
"Yeah, we were. Still are, I guess. But what about you? You got any fun stories about your family?"
"One time my dad, he take us to Montréal for a Habs game. And my older brother he had... he liked one girl he saw. But she was anglophone, no French. He goes up to her and he tries to talk English. But it was soooo bad. Even worse than me. He only knew maybe like three word. I think he said like 'Hey, you pretty, drink?' and she looked at him like he was... insane! He... he panicked and ran away. We bullied him for years after. Our dad, he will still talk about it at dinner sometime."
"That's brutal," Luke laughed. "Glad our first conversation didn't go like that."
"I am just better than him."
Luke shook his head, flashing his lopsided smile that made Amélie swoon. "Clearly. You've got the charm, no doubt about it."
"Maybe a little. But still I get nervous. When you arrive, I think maybe that I would die."
"You hid it well. I didn't even notice. I was the nervous one."
"You? Nervous?" she raised an eyebrow, placing her fork between her lips .
"Yeah, you were... well you are, like the prettiest girl I've ever met," he rubbed the back of his neck. "Didn't want to mess it up."
"Is that a joke? You did not... mess up. I like talking with you."
"I like talking with you too, Amélie"
~~
It was their fourth date and they were back at Amélie's apartment. Luke was sprawled out on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he playfully scrolled through one of Amélie's French-to-English learning apps.
"Come on, give me a word," Luke teased, turning to look at the girl sitting beside him with her legs tucked under her.
"Alright. Alright. Um... try... 'papillon.'"
Luke squinted, trying his hardest to translate it. "Papillon," he reapted slowly. "Uh... sounds like pasta, maybe? Wait, no, wait... um, balloon?"
She let a burst of laughter, learning back against the arm of the couch. "Non! It's butterfly!"
He groaned dramatically, throwing his head back in mock anguish. "Butterfly?! That doesn't even sound like butterfly! What?!"
"You are needing more practice," she giggled, comfortly placing a hand on his thigh.
Luke's eyes widened at her touch, but he couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, clearly I need a lot more practice. You might have to become my full-time tutor."
Amélie smiled, her fingers lingering on his thigh, sending a warmth through both of them. They'd been spending more and more time together, and things were less awkward, but still full of nervousness. The banter between them was easy, but there was an ever-growing tension gnawing at them both.
Luke reached for a throw pillow next to him, lightly tossing it at her. "Give me another one. I swear I'll get it this time."
She swatted the pillow away, but her focus had moved on from French. The space between them had slowly been shrinking and she had just noticed how close they were. She tilted her head, her eyes flickering up to meet Luke's. "I think... maybe you are better at other things than French."
Luke's grin faltered, his breath catching in his throat at her new tone. He glanced down at her hand still resting on his thigh, then back at her face, then back to her hand again. "Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Like... this."
Before he could question what she meant, she leaned in, her lips brushing his, testing the waters. The kiss was soft, hesitant, but the second their lips connected, everything they'd been holding back snapped into place.
Luke's hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer. The kiss deepened quickly, no longer hesitant, but instead filled with the feelings they'd been dancing around for weeks. Amélie sighed against his mouth, her hands sliding up to his chest, gripping his shirt in his fists. Luke groaned softly, the sound muffled by her lips.
Their kisses turned hungrier, more urgent, as the tension in the room built. Luke shifted, gently pushing Amélie back against the couch as he leaned over her, his body pressing against hers as their kisses grew sloppier. Her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, and Luke's hands slid up to cradle her face, his thumb brushing her cheek as the kiss deepened.
Neither of them wanted to pull away, not wanting to be the first to end the kiss. Luke realized he couldn't hold his breath any longer. He gasped for air before kissing her again, harder this time, his lips moving with more urgency than before. Amélie let out a soft, breathless moan in reponse.
They pulled away again, their foreheads resting against each other as they tried to catch their breath. Luke brushed a strand of her hair, that had gotten stuck between them, out of her face. His eyes were still half-closed as he whispered, "I've wanted to kiss you for so long."
Amélie smiled, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she tried to fill her lungs with air. She looked up at him, her lips still tingling. "Me too. I... I did not expect it to feel... like that."
"Good or bad?"
"Good," she whispered, her fingers tracing the back of his neck before pulling him in again, her lips finding his once more. There was no hesitation this time, just unfiltered desire as they gave in to the kiss.
~~
"Where you goin'?" Jack asked, pausing his video game as he heard Luke head for the door. He turned around, noticing his brother wearing his Michigan backpack. "And why do you have a backpack?"
"Amélie's place. I'm spending the night."
"Damn, Lukey boy's finally getting laid."
"Shut up, Jack... there's no confirmation that that's what happening. She just asked if I wanted to sleep over."
Jack smirked, leaning back on the couch with a knowing look. "Uh-huh, sure. You don't pack a bag just to sleep over, bro."
Luke rolled his eyes, adjusting the straps of his bag. "It's not like that. We're just hanging out, maybe watching a movie or something."
Jack snorted. "Yeah, okay. Whatever you say, lover boy. But just in case, be safe."
"It's not like that," Luke groaned, grabbing his keys off the counter, trying to escape Jack's teasing.
"I'm just saying! Good luck, bud!"
Luke mumbled to himself as he stepped into the hallway, heading for the elevator to the parking garage. His heart was racing more than usual, not just because of Jack's teasing but because tonight did feel different. Spending a night together was a big step in their relationship, especially since they weren't officially official yet.
They hadn't even discussed labels yet, and although they were very close, there was an unspoken worry of figuring out where things were heading. Luke really, really liked her, but he didn't want to rush anything. If Amélie wanted to take things slow, then he would take things slow.
He sat in his car, getting ready to leave when his phone buzzed.
Just picked out a movie. Hope you like rom-coms ;)
Only if we watch it in French so I can practice
Deal.
When he pulled up to her building, he practically leaped out of the car, taking his backpack with him. He knocked on her door, his heart in his throat.
Just go with the flow. No pressure
Amélie giggled when she opened the front door, dressed in one of Luke's Devils hoodies and a pair of shorts he couldn't see from under the large sweatshirt.
"Hey. You look cute," he leaned down to kiss her.
"Hey! Missed you."
"It's only been three days," he laughed, allowing her to wrap her arms around his waist, propping her chin on his chest. "You ready for my horrible French?"
"Ready for anything," she giggled as he ran a hand through her hair.
They stood in the doorway for a few moments more, before she grasped his hand and pulled him into the living room. They settled on the couch, a blanket thrown over their entwined legs.
"Am, I've been thinking..." his thumb brushing lightly against her thigh. "I don't want to overthink it anymore than I already have, but... we've been spending lots of time together. And I really like you."
"I like you too, Luke. A lot."
"Good. Because... I want this to be official. I mean, us. I want us to be official. I don't wanna be just 'hanging out' or 'seeing where things go' anymore. I want you to be my girlfriend." His voice softened at the end, his heart out on a silver platter just for her.
"You really want that?" she gushed.
Luke nodded, "Yeah. I want you. I want... us."
"I want that too," she smiled, shuffling impossibly closer to him, pecking his lips.
Luke pulled her back in for a deeper kiss, relief flooding his body. When they pulled apart, Amélie rested her forehead against his, her fingers gripping the front of his hoodie.
"So, it is official?" she whispered.
"Officially official. You're my girlfriend now."
She kissed him again, laughing into his mouth. "Well... now that we have... figured that out. You have French to practice... boyfriend."
"Let's get started then, girlfriend."
~~
"So... when do I get to meet her?" Jack grinned, knocking Luke's shoulder.
"Oh, um, I can ask her."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "You can ask her?" he teased. "What, you haven't mentioned me?"
Luke sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I have, Jack. I just... didn't think you'd be so excited."
"Dude, of course I'm excited! My little brother has a girlfriend now! And you know I've gotta approve, see if she's good for you. Duh."
"She's not a test subject, Jack. I'm not bringing her so you can interrogate her."
Jack snickered, loving how flustered his brother was getting. "Relax, I'll be nice. In fact, bring her out with us and the guys this weekend. Some of the other girlfriends will be there."
"I can ask her. Just... don't be weird about it. She get's nervous."
"Me? Weird about it? Never. I'm charming."
"That's what I'm worried about."
"Come on, it'll be fun. She'll get to meet everyone, and you know the guys will love her. Plus, if she can survive a night out with us, she's a keeper."
"Look, I'll ask. But I know she's been busy with schoolwork. I'll ask her tonight. But seriously, Jack, don't freak her out. Please."
"Scout's honour, man. I'll be on my best behaviour."
"You're not a-- never mind. I'll let you know what she says."
~~
Luke laid next to Amélie in her bed, his arm draped over her waist. She was scrolling through TikTok, laughing at French words he didn't know yet. He pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder, peeking at the screen where some girl was speaking rapid French while doing her make up.
"Hey, Am."
"Hmm?"
"So... Jack and some of the guys are going out this weekend, and a few of the girlfriends will be there too," he paused, thinking over his next words. "Jack was, uh, wondering when he could meet you. He kind of suggested you come along."
She blinked, "Meet... all of your friends? This weekend?"
"No pressure! If you're too busy with school, I totally get it. I just thought it might be fun. Only if you want to, of course," Luke quickly added.
She bit her lip, thinking it over, and Luke could tell she was weighing her options. "I'm nervous. I would... like to meet Jack. To be... part of your world."
He pulled her body closer to his, pressing more kisses to her shoulder. "You're already part of my world, Am. And trust me, Jack's been bugging me about meeting you since our first date. He's... well, he's Jack. But he means well."
"Okay. I will come. But if Jack, he makes me feel awkward, you owe me a very good dinner."
Luke laughed, "Deal. And don't worry, I'll be there the whole time. Plus, survivng Jack means you can survive anything."
~~
"C'est très cute, non?" Amélie asked, showing her outfit off to Luke.
"You look like a millon bucks, baby," he replied, leaning down to kiss her.
"What?"
"It's... it's a saying."
She tilted her head slightly, repeating the words back to herself. "A million... bucks."
Luke thought her accent made it all the more adorable. "It means you look beautiful. Like super, super beautiful."
"English says, they are so strange. First you tell me it rains cats and dogs... now I look like I am money. You explain me all of these sometimes, yes?"
"Of course, baby. But I mean it, you looks amazing."
"Thanks, Lu. We should go?"
"If we have to," Luke pouted, leaning down to give her another kiss.
~~
Amélie gripped the straps of her purse so tightly that her knuckles were white. She had never felt so nervous in her life, not even on their first date. She had so many people to impress tonight and probably less than half the words they had in their vocabularies.
Luke was quick to notice her anxiety. She usually walked with so much confidence, but her posture was slumped and her lip was held between her teeth. "Hey, you okay?"
She nodded, but her choked voice betrayed her. "I... I don't know if I can do this."
"You'll be fine, Am," he whispered, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "Jack's going to love you, I can promise you that. And it's just a few of the guys--nothing big. And hey, some of them aren't even native English speakers themselves."
Her eyes were still full of uncertainty, her fingers busying themselves by picking at the skin around her nails. "But maybe I will say something wrong. Or they ask me things, and I do not understand them? Or they will all laugh at me."
"You've been doing so well with your English, love. And if you're ever feeling stuck, just squeeze my hand and I'll come to your rescue."
The bar was pretty empty for the most part, just a few tables of friends talking and sharing drinks. In the back corner, Jack was sitting with a few of the other guys and their better halves.
"There they are!" Jack cheered as soon as he saw them approaching, standing up to greet his brother as if he hadn't seen him in weeks. His tone was loud and confident, and Amélie could feel every set of eyes at the table move towards her and Luke.
Luke gave his brother a quick bro-hug before turning to his girlfriend. "Jack, this is Amélie. Am, this is my brother, Jack."
Amélie felt like all the moisture in her mouth had disappeared, her hand gripping Luke's with a vice-like strength. She opened her mouth to speak, but all her words got stuck. "I, uh, I... hi."
"Nice to meet you, Amélie," Jack said. "Luke's told me loads about you."
She gave him a tight lipped smile, her mind scrambling to find a response, but nothing came. She felt like the weight of everyone's expectations were holding her down. She wanted to wow everyone with perfect English, but all she could do was stand there, frozen.
"She, uh, she's a little nervous," Luke interjected. "Amélie's from Québec, she's here in Jersey to learn English. But her French is like the most impressive shit ever."
"No worries. We're just happy you're here," Nico spoke up.
Amélie forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. She sat down beside Luke, her hand still gripping his with immense force. The conversation around the table picked back up, but she remained quiet.
The guys were easygoing, laughing and joking with each other, and the other girlfriends seemed just as relaxed. The more they spoke though, the harder it became for her to follow. She could pick up on bits and pieces of what was going on, but she couldn't seem to form a complete sentence in her head.
"So, how do you like Jersey so far?" one of the other girlfriends, Lexi, asked with a warm smile.
"It... it's very different. But I... I like it," she replied, her eyes not leaving Luke's hand in her lap.
"She thinks back home is wayyyy prettier. Right, babe?" Luke helped to direct her.
"Yes. Québec is very beautiful."
"So what brought you here?" Jack asked, desperately wanting to know more about the girl that had stolen his brother's heart. "School?"
She bit her lip, trying her best to think of how to reply in English. "Yes... I.... study at Rutgers. Exchange."
"That's awesome. What're you studying?"
Her mind went completely blank. She'd even rehearsed answering that exact question, but now, with everyone looking at her, the words were gone. Her hand tightened around Luke's again, taking a sip of water to clear her throat.
"She's studying communications and media. But the point of her exchange is to work on her English skills."
"That's sick," Jack nodded along.
The conversation around her continued, a few questions being tossed her way but her responses were usually just a few words, the gaps being filled in by Luke. The group eventually moved on to a story that Nico was telling, and Amélie used the shift of attention to shrink into herself further. She let Luke rest his hand on her bouncing knee in an attempt to calm her nerves, but his touch felt foreign in the situation.
After what felt like hours, but had most likely only been half an hour, she leaned close to Luke, whispering in his ear. "Je vais aux toilettes." She stood up before he could respond, scurrying off to the bathroom.
Jack shot Luke a curious glance, but he just shrugged, trying to mask his own worry.
Amélie slipped into the bathroom, pressing her hands against the sink as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She felt like she was suffocating, her eyes burning with unshed tears. She hated feeling like an outsider, not being able to connect with Luke's world outside of her.
She wiped under her eyes, praying that her mascara didn't run. She didn't want anyone to know she'd been crying in the bathroom. She just wanted to be like the other girls at the table--relaxed and confident, going with the flow of the conversation.
With one last deep breath, she made her way back to the table. Luke looked up at her as she approached. He could tell something was off.
"Everything okay?"
She just nodded, falling back into her silence at the table. She laughed when everyone else laughed, smiling politely when someone made a remark towards her. Luke had never seen her so quiet in his life, not even on the first day that they met. By the time everyone had left the bar, her anxiety was so bad she thought she might puke.
Luke opened the car door for her, and she slid in, staring blankly out the window. The silence between them was heavy. Luke could feel it too, his fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel.
"Am, what's wrong? You've been quiet all night. You barely said a thing."
The tears that she had been fighting so hard to keep at bay finally spilled out. "I... I feel so stupid. I-I couldn't even talk to them. I couldn't even... act normal."
He reached out, placing a hand on her thigh. His heart clenched at her words. "You're not stupid, Am. You're doing amazing. You're learning a whole new language, that's huge."
"But I had to have you help on everything. I could... not even answer Jack's questions. They normally think... I'm dumb. Not good for you." She wiped at her eyes, frustrated with herself for crying.
"Amélie, baby. No one thinks you're dumb. And you are more than good enough for me--don't you ever doubt that. Jack loved meeting you. Everyone did. I could tell. They don't care if you need some help speaking English. Hell, some of those guys could use the help speaking English."
"I wanted... to be better. To show I can do this. But I feel...lost."
"You don't have to show anyone that you can do anything. Not to me, not to Jack, not to anyone. I love you for--"
"You love me?"
"Of course I do, Am. I... I didn't want to admit it like this. But... I am so in love with you, Amélie."
"I love you too, Luke. Sorry if I... embarrass you tonight."
"You could never embarrass me, Am. Never ever."
"I-"
"Nope, that's enough out of you. Let's go back to yours and watch that stupid cop show you like."
"Mensonges?"
"If that's what it's called, then yes."
"I love you, Lu."
"I love you too, Am."
~~
"I don't know, Jack. She was so nervous last time..."
"But last time there were other people there too. Just tell her you've got the place to yourself for the night and then I'll walk in a couple hours later and be like 'Oh! Sorry, my plans got cancelled.' And then we can all hangout," Jack suggested.
"I'm not going to lie to her. I'll just ask if she wants to spend the night."
"Come on, Rusty! You know I'm just trying to help her relax around me. You're making it sound like a big deal. It's not! She's your girlfriend, and I want to get to know her. Plus, I'll make it fun! I'm good with people."
"I appreciate the thought, Jack. But I want her to feel comfortable, not tricked. So I'll just ask her if she wants to come over and spend the night. No tricks."
"Fine, fine. Let me know what she says."
"I will. Just... don't be an idiot."
~~
Amélie followed Luke into his apartment, her backpack thrown over his shoulder. She looked around, noticing how painfully obvious it was that two men lived there.
"I'm just gonna put your bag in my room. You wanna go make yourself comfortable on the couch?"
"Sure."
She sat down, curling her legs under herself, glancing around the living room. She picked up the remote off the coffee table, fiddling with while she waited for Luke.
"You good?"
"Yeah. Just... taking in. It is very... you."
"What, you mean messy?"
She giggled, then tension in her shoulders disappearing. "Maybe... un peu."
"Hey, it's organized chaos, baby. I know where everything is. Well... most of the time."
"I like it. Feels... comfortable. Like you."
"That's all I want, babe. For you to be comfortable."
"Where's Jack?"
"Probably in his room. Why? Wanna talk with him?"
Amélie quickly shook her head, her eyes widening. "No, no... just wonder. I don't want to... bother him."
"You're not bothering him. He's probably playing video games or doing some stupid shit. He'll come out here eventually."
The last time she'd been around Jack, she hadn't been able to shake her nerves. Tonight, she was determined to make a better impression, even if she still felt like puking.
Luke gently nudged her with his elbow. "Hey, you're good, Am. Jack's chill. You don't have to be nervous."
"I know... just... want him to like me."
"He already likes you," Luke reassured, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "He wouldn't shut up about how cool you were after the last time."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. I wouldn't lie to you, silly."
"Love you, Lu."
"Love you too," he leaned in to kiss her when footsteps pulled them apart.
"Aww, did I interrupt a moment?" Jack's teasing voice came from the doorway.
"Relax, Jack. We were just talking... about you."
"Oh yeah?" Jack pushed himself off the wall, making his way to the couch. "All good things, I hope."
"Duh," Luke squeezed Amélie's hand, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. "Amélie was just asking what you were up to."
"Probably nothing interesting compared to you lovebirds. Was talking to Trevor--can't let Luke get ahead of me in the whole having a life department."
She tried to think of a quick response to his joke, but came up with nothing she deemed funny enough.
"Luke tells me you like studying here cause it's different. How so?"
"Um, everything... is feeling bigger here. The city, the campus. And obviously... English. There is like... zero English in my town. We use some words... but not lots."
"Well, seems like you're doing great. Don't stress it. Plus you've got this guy," he gestured to Luke, "to help you out, right?"
She blushed, "Yes, Lu is... super."
Luke grinned, leaning in and whispering, "Told you he likes you."
~~
"I don't know how I'm gonna survive without you, Am," Luke admitted, wiping the tears from his face. His usually calm, relaxed demeanor was gone, replaced with a raw vulnerability.
Amélie had told herself she wasn't going to cry, but seeing Luke cry made that impossible. Her tears had started as soon as his had. "You will, Lu. You are so strong. And... I will not be gone forever."
He shook his head, intertwining their fingers. "I know, but... shit's gonna feel so different without you here. I'm used to having you here all the time. And now I won't see you until summer. I don't know how to do that."
"You'll have Jack, the guys, your family. I'm just... a plane away. We will FaceTime, and before you know... I am back. And I will meet Quinn... and your parents."
Luke rested his head in her lap, letting her run her fingers through his hair. She could feel his tears soaking the fabric of her jeans. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much, Am."
"I'll miss you too, Lu. So, so much."
They stayed like that for a long time, just wrapped in each other's embraces. Neither of them wanted to let go. Neither of them wanted to admit how hard the next few months would be. They just wanted to stay together... forever.
~~
Amélie was sitting at her desk, her phone propped up against her water bottle as Luke's face filled the screen. His hair was a mess and his eyes drooping. She could tell he had just gotten home from practice.
"Hey, beautiful," he greeted.
"Hey, you," she replied, resting her chin on her hand. "How was practice?"
"Exhausting," he groaned. "But seeing your face makes it better."
Amélie blushed, biting her lip as she smiled. Before she could respond, she heard her brothers' voices coming from down the hall.
"Ah, c'est qui, Amélie?" (who is it, Amélie?)
"Son chum?" the other laughed. (her boyfriend?)
"Ahhh, mais Luke, t'es ben chix." (Ahhh, but Luke, you're so hot.)
"Ferme ta gueule!" Amélie shouted. (Shut your mouth!)
Luke burst out laughing at the look on his girlfriend's face. "What're they saying?"
She huffed, rolling her eyes. "They're being idiots. Teasing me about you."
"Teasing, huh?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "What did they say? Come on, tell me."
She sighed, getting closer to the camera with a small smirk. "They said you're... how would that translate.... that you're 'hot.'"
"Oh, did they know? You must have good pictures of me hanging up then, huh?"
"They're just being annoying. They think it's funny to tease me because I love an American."
"Well, tell them I appreciate the compliment. And tell them I say 'hi'," he teased.
Amélie shook her head but shouted, "Luke dit bonjour!"
From the hallway, her brothers responded with exaggerated greetings in their broken English, making the couple laugh.
"They're something else, huh? I can't wait to meet them one day."
"They'll probably want you to ask Cole for free Habs tickets. But... in a few weeks, I'll be back and I'll get to meet all of your family."
Luke's eye lit up at the thought. "I know! I've been counting down the days, baby. I can't wait for you to be here again!"
"Me neither. Excited to meet Quinn and your parents."
"Yeah, my mom's super excited to meet you!"
"I'm a little nervous though."
"Don't be! They are gonna love you so much, Am!"
"I love you, Lu."
"I love you more, Amélie. Only a few more weeks, then we'll be together again. I can't wait."
"You promise?"
"I promise. And I'm gonna spoil you so much. Just you, me, and the lake."
"Can't wait."
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worriedvision · 1 day
Text
Ajaw ruins his relationship with you - Kinich
Gender neutral reader, angst. No happy ending here, borderline crack BC Ajaw is a cracky character let's be honest. Ajaws a little shit here
--
Kinich had, somehow, caught your eye enough for you to successfully land a date with him. One date becomes two, and the third one ends in you inviting him over for a drink. He accepts, and before you know it your home becomes a place for him to call home as well. While Kinich wasn't very emotive, he seemed to smile just a bit around you.
However, the couple affections you would expect from him in a relationship weren't coming. Nothing like kissing or hugging, and for a while you think it's because Kinich was not a touchy person. You also knew he was very busy with his work, which was why the first few times he left and told you not to wait for him you didn't think much. At the time, in fact, you were more attracted to him because he was honest with you.
"Don't wait up." He blankly states, every morning he leaves. If you're lucky, he comes back at night time only to sleep - he doesn't make himself any food or drink from your home.
You got suspicious of him when you were hanging out with Mualani, and she brought up the fact someone called Ajaw wouldn't stop nagging at Kinich. When you ask who Ajaw was, rather if this was his boss, Mualani laughs.
"Ajaw probably thinks so, but they bickering too often to do any work together." Mualani tuts. "Do you never hear Ajaw? That voice is so... Annoying to hear!"
"No...I've never met this Ajaw." You hum out, Mualani gasping.
"Tell me your tricks!"
--
Once you get home from your interaction with your friend, you've had enough time to think. After some long thinking, you come to a decision. You move the stuff that's Kinich's, leaving them by the front door, and add temporary locks in addition to the one your key locks until you can change the lock.
To your surprise, Kinich sounds surprised when he notices his bags out. You refuse to open the door, having more than enough time to waste as you had a day off, and Kinich defeatedly picks up his few belongings before leaving.
--
"Hah! You should see your face!" Ajaw jeers, Mualani and Kinich groaning out at Ajaws harsh words. "Good thing _ wisened up and realised they can do a lot better than some mortal being that can't even get himself a group of companions!"
"Because you always ruin things." Mualani sighs.
"Hey, I can't take credit for this one! I never even once spoke around _!" Ajaw shrugs, putting some sunglasses on.
"I was hoping to finally get to spend some time with them. I've finally got enough cover for a few days." Kinich states, seeming to realise what Ajaw did. "...Mualani, you know how annoying Ajaw is. Do you know if -"
"Oddly enough no! Honestly, I'm jealous. Ajaw doesn't know when to shut up."
"...It seems they do." Kinich massages his temples, Mualani making eye contact with him.
"...Do you think they were suspicious you were seeing Ajaw? Yuck!"
"Hey, I can hear you, ya know?!"
"It makes sense though. They don't know Ajaw isn't even human, and also isn't mortal."
"Hahaha! Oh boy, even I didn't think keeping my mouth shut around your potential love interests would give this benefit!" Ajaw cackles, seeing Kinich's hand flying towards him. "Hey, what are - AHH!"
--
You keep getting asked if Kinich is single, each time you saying he wasn't seeing you anymore before they seem excited to pursue a taken man. It's quite concerning, really, you think theres little dignity in being the other person in the relationship.
Kinich tried to talk to you, but each time you saw him you'd make an excuse for being too busy before hearing some weird child cackling and screaming in retaliation to someone reacting to them. As much as his hurt expression spoke to you, you still knew in your mind that Kinich was in a relationship.
Even if he wasn't, you would know in your mind that you were the second choice.
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lemoncrushh · 1 day
Text
Show Me Your Texts, or It's Over
Summary: Harry finds out you've been in contact with your ex and gives you an ultimatum.
Warnings: angst, maybe a little gaslighting
Word Count: 1889
A/N: From my 2016 collection. This was based on a prompt selected by a reader. Very angsty. You won't like Harry in this, and maybe not y/n either. I almost didn't repost it, but please don't take it too seriously.
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You hurried outside to your car, the summer heat threatening to burn you through your black shirt. You felt the vibration of your phone in your hand, alerting you of yet another text from Harry. He'd been texting you all morning and throughout your lunch break. It had started off as a harmless conversation of missing each other when he'd reminded you what time his flight arrived. You'd been apart for over a week, resolving to short late night phone chatter until one of you fell asleep, or the occasional text that left you cold and flat. Needless to say, you were dying to see him.
As the morning progressed, however, so did the texts. His flight was delayed due to weather. He wasn't sure if he'd make it in time to go home and change, so he'd asked to meet you at the dinner party. You argued back and forth, insisting that you were fine with being a bit late if it meant you could go together.
You knew without a doubt that this text that had just arrived was him telling you otherwise, but you were already running late and needed to get back to work. You'd been excited for and anticipating his return, but now you were just frustrated and perturbed.
Tossing your purse and your phone in the passenger seat, you drove back to work. It wasn't until you were settled back in your desk, running your hands through your hair with a sigh, that you decided to examine his newest text. You were surprised, however, when you noticed the name. It wasn't from Harry. It was from your ex-boyfriend, John.
Biting your lip, you swiped the screen to read the text.
Working hard, or hardly working?
You chuckled, texting him back quickly.
Neither. Just got back from lunch.
Damn, I was hoping to persuade you to meet me for a bite.
You grinned at your screen. John had texted you out of the blue two weeks ago. At first you were apprehensive about talking to him again. He'd been the one to break off the relationship, claiming he wasn't ready to commit. You'd taken that to mean he wanted to be free to screw around, so you'd given him the boot. Although you held your head up high, you'd been hurt, your self-esteem lacking. That is, until you'd met Harry. Harry had been the solace that you'd needed, lifting you up repeatedly by his words as well as his actions.
When John came clean with you in his texts, apologizing and admitting that you deserved much more than he had given, you'd decided to bury the hatchet. There was no point in being bitter about it, and you forgave him, not so much for his sake, but for yours.
One thing you hadn't done, though, was tell Harry about it. It wasn't really that you were trying to hide it from him, but you didn't want it to become a big deal. Harry knew how John had treated you. You'd told him repeatedly, and a couple of times had cried in his arms over it. So telling him this same ex that had made you cry was now texting you like an old friend...probably wouldn't be a good idea.
Sorry, you texted John back. Raincheck?
Better yet, how about you meet me for drinks later?
You gritted your teeth, not sure how to answer. Asking for a raincheck on lunch was one thing. Lunch you could do. Probably. But drinks after work? Besides, you needed to run straight home after work to get ready for this dinner party with Harry.
As though he knew you were thinking of him, Harry's name popped up with a new text.
Flight's been delayed longer. I should be home about 7.
Just as you were about to reply, another text alert from John popped up.
How does Margo's sound?
You swallowed hard, trying to decide who to answer first. Quickly, you typed out a message for John.
Sorry, I can't tonight. Harry's coming home.
As soon as you hit send, your eyes about popped out of your head. You'd sent it to the wrong person! Shit!
You saw the three little dots pop up, indicating Harry was typing.
What??
Calming yourself down, you decided to play it cool. It was an accident. He had no idea who the message was for.
Haha sorry baby. I was talking to a friend. Didn't mean to send that to you. I'll see you at 7.
Ok
Making sure you had John's text open then, you politely declined, sending him the text you'd originally intended to.
Oh ok then, John sent back. Maybe some other time. Have fun!
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"[Y/N]!" you heard Harry call from the front of the house.
"You're home!" you squealed from the bedroom.
You'd hoped to meet him at the door, greeting him with lavish kisses, but right then you were in an awkward position on the bed, trying to buckle your high-heeled strappy sandal.
"Hi, beautiful," he said in a low tone.
You looked up to see him standing in the doorway. Temporarily dismissing your buckle, you stood to meet him halfway, wrapping your arms around him.
"Mmm, I've missed you," you murmured against his chest.
"I missed you, too," he echoed, "and you look gorgeous."
"What, this old thing?" you playfully scoffed, stepping back to allow him to view your ensemble completely.
A sexy grin spread across his face while he set his suitcase against the wall.
"I'll hurry and get ready. Wish I had time for a shower."
"Go ahead," you insisted. "I don't mind waiting."
"No, love, we're already late. I'll just change."
You sat back down on your bed, grabbing your phone while Harry undressed. You'd gotten a couple of texts from John earlier. When you'd told him you were getting ready for a dinner party, he'd asked you to send a picture. You thought it was a little odd at first, but so far he hadn't said anything that made you feel uneasy. You'd sort of slipped into this comfortable friend zone unexpectedly. So a few minutes before Harry had arrived, you'd sent John a selfie in your dress. He had yet to reply.
Tossing your phone on the bed, you stood and walked to the vanity to put your earrings on. As you were adjusting the second one, Harry passed by the bed.
"Who's John?" he inquired, shoving his arms into a clean shirt.
"What?" you turned to look at him. You noticed then he was inspecting your phone.
"You just got a text from a John," he added.
Oh no.
"'Wow, you look amazing!'" Harry quoted, reading the text that John had apparently sent. "'Sexy as hell!'"
Your entire body trembled as he lifted his head to glare at you.
"Who the fuck is John?" he repeated, his voice rising.
"Um..." you sucked in your lips, wringing your hands.
"Not your bloody ex boyfriend!" Harry nearly shouted, his eyes narrowed.
"Baby-" you started, but Harry interrupted you.
"You're talking to him again? After what he did to you?"
"Harry," you swallowed, stepping towards him. "Let me explain."
His face showed no sign of willingness to listen to any explanation though he remained rooted in his spot.
"He's been texting me a little," you admitted.
"A little?" Harry raised a brow. "For how long?"
"A couple weeks."
"A couple weeks?! Were you gonna tell me?"
You looked down at your hands, wishing you had something in them to hold.
"I thought you'd be mad," you said meekly.
"Well you were right about that!" Harry turned away from you, running a hand through his hair. "Fuck!"
"Harry, I'm sorry," you muttered sincerely. "But I swear, it's harmless."
He swung around, his eyes shooting daggers at you. "Harmless, huh?"
"Yes. He wanted to apologize for everything. I told him I appreciated and accepted his apology, and we just got to talking about what we've been up to, you know, like catching up. I told him about you and-"
"You've told him about me," Harry interrupted.
"Yes! He knows all about you. He knows you were coming home today and we were going to a party."
"Is that..." he paused, "is that who you were texting earlier today? When you sent me the wrong text?"
The look on his face told you he did not find it funny in the least, regardless of your trying to play it off like you had. You opened your mouth to retort, but decided it wasn't worth it.
"Yes," you sighed.
"Shit," Harry dropped his shoulders. He blinked slowly before reaching for your phone.
"Let me see the texts," he demanded.
"What?" you asked incredulously.
"The texts from him. Your conversations."
Anger building in your chest, you grabbed your phone out of his hand.
"No!" you glared at him. "That's ludicrous!"
"Why? Because you have something to hide?"
"No, I-"
"Then show them to me, [Y/N]."
You stood silent for a moment before shaking your head slowly.
"Show me your texts, or it's over," said Harry.
"You can't be serious," you contended, your voice just a whisper.
"Dead serious."
"You..." you began, but quickly surrendered, handing him the phone. "Fine."
You sunk down onto the bed while Harry scrolled through your text messages from John. You knew there was nothing wrong with them. It was the principal. Harry didn't trust you, and that angered and disappointed you.
You focused on Harry's belt buckle while he stood before you. You felt like a child. You didn't appreciate it. You loved Harry and you would never to anything to sabotage your relationship. A tear dropped in your lap, wetting your dress before you even realized you'd been crying. Sniffling, you stood up again to reach for a tissue on the vanity.
"[Y/N]," you finally heard Harry mutter. He cleared his throat. "Baby, I'm sorry."
You turned and looked at him, your eyebrows raised. He lowered the phone, dropping it on the bed. Then he stepped closer to you, reaching for your hands.
"I'm so sorry," he declared again. You noticed a glint of a tear in his right eye.
"I was telling the truth," you said.
"I know," Harry bit his lip, the side of his mouth turning up. "You mentioned me a lot."
"I did," you nodded.
"And you said you're madly in love with me."
"I did."
"And that you're happy. For the first time in your life."
You blinked. "Yes, I did."
"God," Harry ran a hand through his hair again. "I was a jealous prat."
You giggled softly before placing your hands on his chest. "What on earth do you have to be jealous about?"
Harry grinned. "I mean...I still kinda think he's trying something. But I like how you sidestep him every time."
"Because I don't want him, Harry," you conveyed. "I want you. Only you."
You gazed into his eyes until he slipped his hands under your ears and lowered his mouth to capture yours.
"I really missed you," he murmured. "Maybe too much. It's made me do something I never thought I'd do."
"I'm yours, baby," you promised. "You don't have to worry about a thing."
You slid your hands down his torso.
"Except maybe about being late for dinner."
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roachfun · 13 hours
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This is probably a wild thing to get but your “Gojo should stay dead” post has got my unmedicated ass vibrating.
(I’ve only read jjk0, besides that literally all of my exposure has been via 3 video essays and fanfic… I basically got into the series backwards and tbh it’s an interesting experience…)
And tbh I agree with you more than not. Even though the view I have of the character is so fucking warped because jjk fanfic is too the gills filled with smut.
Because what I’ve gathered from the video essays and the few bits of fanfics that actually tried getting into his mind… is that the man is gd tired.
A god complex the size of the sun, that’s only ever been challenged once by one of the few people he ever formed a genuine connection with, and it was challenged as that person was leaving him. That incident may have motivated him to change, but that change was predominantly if not exclusively external, he didn’t really do much self reflection.
After Geto left, Gojo did better (became a teacher, warding Megumi, not letting Yuta be executed) but he didn’t work on being better (god complex, recklessness, belief that his way is the only way with no real consideration for the effects those decisions have on others)
He’s selfish, arrogant, and reckless, he doesn’t seem to take much of anything seriously and that may be a persona (again, I haven’t actually read jjk yet… the ending of mha did the characters, narrative, and audience so gd dirty I need to know how jjk ends so I set my expectations accordingly) but I can very much see this man never really developing his sense of empathy because he never really had any stakes… like he has some understanding, but the god complex and the fact people around him constantly reinforce it… he can’t put himself in other people’s shoes, there’s a detachment from reality that would read as delusional for anybody else, but he has spent his entire life being told he is the strongest with nothing ever being able to prove him wrong.
Than on the flip side of that god complex, honestly for a good while, and still sorta kinda… to me he reads as passively suicidal. (I know “Word of God” can be controversial regarding character analysis because of its absence in the base text) but the fact Gege’s rough rundown of Gojo’s daily schedule was basically “he sleeps for about 3 hours and spends the rest of his time working, his sweet tooth is actually somewhat practical as he uses sugar as a stimulant.” That’s not good for your noggin. Add the isolation caused by his status and his god complex, I see him coming to the conclusion that the only way he should die, is in battle.
And he did! Even if wasn’t in the “final sacrifice that ensures he becomes a legend” sort of way I think he would’ve hoped for.
But that also felt… right? (Certainly not fair, Gege openly admitting he kills off fan favorites for the shock value does dampen the possible emotional impact that could’ve been achieved… but I digress)
Every time Gojo fights, and I mean properly fights, he’s smiling, it’s a game to him, a chance to show off, to assert his dominance and reaffirm his status… so him dying so suddenly that his legs are still standing as his upper half falls to the floor, he’s lying there choking on his own blood as he bleeds out and Sukuna saying it “cleared his skies” (weird phrasing, but I think that’s a cultural/translation thing) it could’ve been a gut punch of a tragedy that amped up the stakes of the final conflict! The protagonists’ trump card is gone in a handful of panels and a flick of the wrist! He’s bleeding out on the ground as the big bad seems to reach a moment of genuine inner peace! But the backtracking and Gege’s history lessened that significantly
tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that Shonen Jump had something to do with it… the motivations for Gege’s writing choices are questionable to me (it feels spiteful and cheap) but they’ve been consistent until now, what changed?
Anyway it is… 5:45 am… I should be asleep, but I’m here vomiting character analysis based on partial information in your inbox… I hope you have a good day/night/whatever is appropriate for when you receive this
I hate that you had me read all that, but I couldn't agree more with most that you said (except maybe where you call him selfish and I lowk think geges killing system is fair and I like it a lot but🤷).
Anyways, I don't know how to really respond to this since you basically did all the talking lol (plus I'm tired from reading all that and just got out of school).
I do have a question tho. how did you start with jjk0??? Like how does something like that happen. Also you haven't watched the anime or anything😭???
Anyways, thanks for dropping this essay on me have a good day/night or life in case we never speak🩵
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no27-autonation-honda · 4 months
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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seventeendeer · 3 months
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just watched the barbie movie everyone was discoursing about last year and I can't help but feel like a lot of the problems in its execution could have been avoided if the kid character's arc had been about learning to embrace girly stuff as an act of rebellion against the adultification of teen girls while barbie went full butch transmasc
#deerchatter#i know why they didn't do that obvs the writers haven't a fucking clue what a feminism is and the bosses prefer it that way#but it's fun to think about what a good version of the premise could have looked like. there were interesting pieces on the board#the kid character could have been interesting if her arc had been about rejecting barbie bc of increasing awareness of the association#between femininity and weakness. but in wanting to gain respect she started acting and dressing like a young woman because she's at that age#where girls begin to be rewarded for being a more subdued and quote-unquote natural kind of feminine.#she could have become friends with barbie as a symbolic way to heal her inner child#meanwhile barbie takes the you-can-be-anything message to its logical extreme and decides what she wants to be is the one thing mattel will#never let her be: gender non-conforming#these 2 character arcs and where they intersect could have told the same story much better i think#emphasis on personal choice/growing up/social rebellion/embracing what will really make you happy#while also covering multiple ways to handle gendered expectations. pick out the parts you like or throw the whole gender out. both r good!#anyway i have to admit this movie was disappointing. i knew it wasn't gonna be woke but i thought it would still be a bit more fun ....#was hoping for a guilty pleasure kind of experience but even setting aside that hard thematic fumble it's underwhelming :(
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mismefancy · 8 months
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He suggested pancakes in the finale, so I'll draw pancakes for the father and daughter. : )
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I'm not really in the Hazbin/Helluva fandom nor do I consume their content as often. There is also the fact the fact their type of content isn't my usual content...
But you know the drill: Family stuff convinces me of anything, lol. Lucifer became an instant favourite character of mine. He was absolutely hilarious to watch, his relationship with his daughter made me emotional, and his song "More than anything" absolutely wrecked me gosh darn it! :'D
And with the implication that he might become part of the main cast gives me so much excitement for season 2.
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Anyone else out here haunted by the unknowns of recovery?
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kimbapisnotsushi · 1 year
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you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!
oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!
(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)
anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???
or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?
(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)
now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!
but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.
see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?
(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)
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so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.
"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.
oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.
and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!
(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.
but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)
the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.
(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)
so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.
but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.
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oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.
so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.
oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.
oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?
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in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.
arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.
remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.
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sherlock-is-ace · 9 months
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#not to be depressing in new year's eve but i feel so shit right now...#all year i've been so out of myself not enjoying anything#and what i do manage to enjoy takes up like an hour of my life and then it becomes disappointing#that's how i would describe the past few months... disappointing#everything feels flat#I can't manage to hold on to a good feeling for more than an hour or two#i have absolutely no hope for the future and I don't even care about that anymore#nothing feels worth anything anymore#and what's really solidifying that feeling today of all days#is the fact that every year since before I was born my family celebrates new years eve#a few years ago the celebrations changed since my extended family decided to cut us out a bit but my mom brother and i still celebrate#we get yummy food play fun games and just spend the night together until midnight when we toast and go to bed#well this year it's 10:30 and we're already in bed doing the same things we do every day#being on our phones or watching a movie or whatever on our own#and it's just disappointing again#idk if it's the break of the tradition or the fact that the new year doesn't feel important this time#but i feel so fucking sad and numb and depressed#i hate it#I don't even feel like saying the usual ''hope 2024 is better'' shit#i just don't care and i don't think it's gonna be better... it's gonna be the same old shit and it's gonna be disappointing#nothing matters anymore and i don't think anyone fucking cares#i feel so numb...#i don't even know what the point of this post is... sorry about that#hope y'all's new years eve is better than mine (or new year's day idk your time zones)#angel talks#personal
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orcelito · 2 months
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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adore-gregor · 5 months
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my football team is so hopeless
#not dortmund lol i mean the club i play at myself#it makes me want to quit ngl#there are just so many things i'm fed up with#at times it's not fun anymore#i like playing football but there's just a lot wrong with this team#but i'm mostly just hanging around because i don't want to let my coach down like he cares and genuinly seems like a good coach#the only thing which gives me a bit of hope#and i hate letting people down 😅 that and also i hate giving up#but i have never seen a team more hopeless or felt more hopeless playing a sport 😅#and he apparently thinks i'm kind of important to the team which i kind of get but also it doesn't really make a difference...#we're just so hopeless i can’t turn this around lol#i always start and i hope it continues but there's not much i can do#we just have too many people who don't care last match so many have given up#some of our team just refuse to run or move at some point it's awful#like why can't you try#we always loose so high like what's the point but still don't give up#besides that the endurance (and also sprint speed) of most is awful which could be trained to a point#but whenever the coach tries to do that almost no one shows up 💀#and i usually play wing or outside midfielder but i'm supposed to also be a defender apparently what#whenever we get a goal on my side and i'm not back in defence someone moans at me like that's my fault#i get working back but i can’t be everywhere especially when some people don't move#and i actually try to get the ball foreward or try to get the ball back in the front because i don't give up when we're behind#i want to score goals and not settle with loosing and only sit back to do defence anymore#naturally there will be open spaces when i try to do that but how is giving up better even when it's hopeless we could still try scoring#and i can't be everywhere they should try my position they would never last 90min running like i do#besides i'm already exausted each week from my training before like i do sports 2-3 hours 6 or 7 days a week#unfortunately i have to because once again i'm trying some entrance exam (for sports to become a teach in sports and english hopefully)#asides from that i don't like most of the people at my club 😅 it feels a bit like highschool again and i didn't like highschool#so many are ignorant and judgemental#like the girl i told you about with her comment about the cleaning lady instead of wanting to clean up her stuff herself 🙄
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generationa1trauma · 4 months
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flatmate has a girl over i am suddenly extremely uncomfortable
#sorry i only ever come here to rant its bc im losing all my interests / passions and always need someone to talk to but have no friends 🤪#negative cw#thats a lie partially in that i am emotionally incapable of talking ab it i just. i have no people i have no outlet#but tumblr hasnt been doing it for me lately. im not sure if jts#its the mental illness or if its just being full time employed leaves me so burned out that i can barely function#so hobbies just become non existent#doesnt really matter either way tho bc i can barely pay my bills on full time wages theres nothing i can do to fix things#time off or less hours isnt an option and i sont have the money to get anything diagnosed#i think i need. a lot of support ive been kinda rawdogging life for 26 years but ill be honest gang its starting to really impact everything#i do not. feel like i am a fully functioning human. i am not capable of being a functional adult in society#but its also like. i have to be#my parents dont really believe in mental health stuff or autism or anything and certainly wouldnt believe if i tried to say i was disabled#its just like. no one ever believes me ab that kinda stuff and i dont have the money to get it diagnosed#and without a diagnosis theres not much that can be done but also even with a diagnosis theres nothing#government disability allowance is $78 a week maximum and only covers specifically medical costs for that disability#like i genuinely feel on the verge of a breakdown so bad that i would need a care person#but alas. thats just literally never a possibility for me#i dont have money and i dont come from money and i will be forced to work full time through breakdowns until i die#there is nothing that can be done to help me or fix me#and that just. it sucks#anyway#hope this girl is nice bc my cat refuses to be in my room and its giving me anxiety bc what if hes scared of her and runs away#2 much going on in my head but i can not stop it so here we are#sorry y'all r my rant place#i have been thinking ab trying to step away from the internet a bit but its also.#not really a thing i can do bc everything costs money these days#social clubs r barely existent and the ones there are cost a shittone#I'd just. I'd like to be in a better place. I just don't know how to get there
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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months
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also I'm pretty excited about returning to the place where I have a keyboard next week. If I can carve out some time, I'd love to keep on working on musical themes for the animatic project because I have ideas and I want to jam them out
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cyphertaehyungie · 2 years
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✨☁️💌🌙💫
#hey there friends 🤧#i don’t even know what to say to start this little talk (?) of mine#i’ll just (for old time‘s sake) call it#midnight hour thoughts#im currently listening to ceilings by lizzy mcalpine like i have for so many nights for months now#i miss all of you#i don’t even know who’s still around these days but to all my mutuals my friends i miss you and i hope you are all truly doing well 💜#i miss bts and i miss being here being active and making gifs#i came here to give a little bit of a life update because things have recently been turning around for me for the better (i think)#i’ll be starting my first day of work; my first job ever on wednesday#i’ve been pretty open about my struggle with social anxiety and depression over the past few years#and when i tell you i had pretty much given up on ever actually living again; not feeling stuck… and now that life is finally#finally happening again after all these years i just feel so much relief… but also my anxiety is kind of sky rocketing because#I START WORKING ON WEDNESDAY!!#so yeah excited but also really scared of failure i guess and also the possibility of embarrassing myself which has kind of become my thing#but i’m also so proud of myself for always keeping hope alive and not giving up#i‘ve been at such low lows in life that now i feel so relieved that finally i can feel the good things coming (if that makes any sense)#like happiness?? didn’t even remember what that felt like for some time because so much darkness had clouded my being#and now i’ve reached something? i’m finally not stuck anymore and that’s been something i wanted to be able to say for YEARS#IM NOT STUCK ANYMORE#and it’s so very freeing#and i guess i just wanna say thank you to everyone who’s been with me through my darkest of days and everyone that’s been encouraging me#and gifting me with hope and strength to keep going#i wish i could hug all of you 💜#and i just want you to know that whatever you are going through.. it’s temporary and there is light even if it feels pitch black right now#just keep going and don’t ever stop; rest and allow yourself to heal and then keep going!! 💌 you won’t regret staying 💕#kiki talks#i miss you all so so much i might just be crying right now
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