#i really hope this wasnt my fault lol

[ahiijny]

previous reblogged post

[chiimeramanticore]

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[crunchycrystals]

thinking ab hope the other side of adventure

[lwiann]

May I ask for angsty Gortash headcanons now too *does grabby hands*

1. He never mourned Durge properly. Rather, he did not have the time to. Dire times.

2. He looked for Durge in Tav when he offered that alliance but never really filled that void.

3. He's insecure with his upbringing. He's not a real noble. So he turns those insecurities into his masterpieces, in a fucked up sense. His atrocities. He genuinely believes hes doing the right thing.

4. Durge is the only one in his mind when he dies. If Durge is the one who kills him, he's a little more at peace.

5. He truly did love and care for Durge the only way he knew how. The feeling is genuine and mutual.

6. He can never let his parents go. He can't ever have them killed. They still haunt him. That's also why he dislikes the idea of Durge being so obedient to his own father, but he understands the fear. The devotion. He is a bit jealous of the love, even though it's not really a good kind of love.

7. I dont like the idea that Gortash learned to fuck in the house of hope through haarlep because he would have been ten years old and uh,,, you know... But I do like the idea that he observed, and haarlep knew young Gortash was watching, and it gave him a sort of indifferent view of sex. He sleeps around for benefits and kept an open mind regarding sex, that it can be a weapon. A tool. And he got so much of what he wanted from that. It didnt make him feel dirty or bad, but just indifferent. Like it's something he'll do not for pleasure but for duty. Nothing too intense like with Astarion. Just indifference. It wasnt until Durge that he felt an actual desire. Intense, obsessive desire. And hes figured out so many kinks with Durge lol.

I just really like the hc that he's not as sexually rabid and is actually tame about it but has the most insane unwell sex with Durge.

8. Burn scars. I recently discovered this hc from my favourite artist and i think it's so good. Some people also talk about a disability with his walking cane and I think of it a lot.

9. He's a schedule freak. He is strict with his sleep. With his meetings. With his meals. Just an obsessive guy who focuses on the littlest of details. He cant go too much because it genuinely makes him want to throw up. He has an image to maintain and hes thorough with it. He doesnt like noises during meetings. Very meticulous. Durge is freedom to him. Or just a different kind of obsession honestly.

10. There was a point in time where he planned to overthrow Bane and Bhaal to free him and durge. So they can be together. It all fell apart when durge died. It wasnt just orin's fault. It was partly his. He lost focus and vision when he lost durge, hence why it became such a mess.

[freakinator]

funny thing about how i view the conflict in todays stream is that i view flame and wemmbu in very separate ways despite them doing essentially the same thing

in flames case:

i view his betrayal as ultimately a tragedy, their history all thrown aside due to a combination of wounded pride and genuine upset

if yall didnt see his chat for this stream it was actually really, really bad, like his chat is genuinely so fucking annoying oh my god and is a really good demonstration of why i think streamers should be mean to their chatters sometimes to so i actually wasnt at all surprised that he was so upset but i thought hed log off instead of acting out like this

he wanted respect but literally ruined the months long work of one of the few ppl that were willing to trust him over something that couldve been resolved if he just waited until september, but at the same time i can kinda understand why he was being so impulsive considering again his chat is Really bad, but at the end of the day that really shouldnt have been something you took out on one of your few allies like???? bruh even mocked zams storytelling as if he didnt do thee same shit as well 😭

honestly one of the reasons i was sad about his betrayal is cause it kinda sounded to me like he was genuinely about to cry at first??? maybe im just making shit up tho and he def stopped sounding like he was gonna cry after blowing up the spacewaffles tower lol

in wemmbus case:

i feel no pity for this man, he wanted conflict wherever he can get it and he got it! i think hes a lot like zam in that he just wants some attention and most importantly something to do but whatever happens to him next is his own fault lmao, i respect his honesty tho like hey he sucks but he knows what hes about at least lol

the fact that he still kept trying to get a commission from zam (or at least guilttripping him about it for lack of a better word) like bro i know you wanted to do a capitalism morality dilemma arc with zam but read the room my guy 😭

maybe hes at least a little mad that zam kept turning him away despite the fact he accepted a commission from mapicc of all ppl but like. bro. theres a reason zam called him a nightmare customer lmao

that being said you can tell hes not used to going this overboard considering he offered to help repair the tree when zam got upset lmao

idk i just thought his evilness was kinda funny, still hope he gets his shit kicked in spectacularly tho!

its funny, despite being acting like the shitty no reading comprehension version of abyss he gives me the exact same feeling of schadenfreude i did for minute back in s5 and i believe part of it is his mockery of lore and weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict particularly regarding zam

by weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict i mean both he and minute both tried to convince zam to see ''their side'' and ''reason'' but coming at it from an angle that completely misunderstands zam and when zam points it out they dismiss it and act like it means nothing because of their ''objective'' view of reality, spoiler alert! its not objective at all and they refuse to understand things from zams perspective cause they think hes just being unreasonable or something

idk overall i think their motivations for doing things are just kinda... shit lol

like ik theres some pretty obvious parallels that can be made with s5 here but the difference between the og players and flamebu aside from the lack of style and drama is that the og players waited several months before they started acting out the way they did and when they did start acting out tgey always made sure evryone who wanted to get involved Actually got involved rather than doing it while everyone was away plus their opps werent their own allies (except maybe pangi depending on how you look at it)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[strewwwberry]

About to do a Rant on shen Jiu coz yeah, so ⚠️trigger warnings⚠️for, you know, him lol

(Additional tw please read beforehand even if its just a skim)

I personalize a lot of my writing to the viewer/reader, if you are someone who tends to input yourself into writing, whether purposely or not, please be aware that it may get uncomfortable or too personal to you, be aware of what you can read through and what is uncomfortable or you simply don’t like, stay safe ♡

Also apologies in advance if I project at all through this.

Shen Jiu's story has got to be one of the most tragic I've read, and not just for his slavery, abandonmet, sexual and physical abuse and then extortion after "freedom", and on top of that the old tale of the abused become the abuser. No, not just that, but because he was willing, he was 110% willing to ignore his feelings, brush aside his abuse an torture, everything, if Yue Qinguen just told him why he wasn't there, just gave him a reason, hell not even a reason, a goddam excuse to why he wasn't there.

He would've, he may not have been a good person even after the fact, actually I'd bet that he wouldn't be a "good person" at all. But, I belive that at the very least, it would've calmed his heart ENOUGH to not repeat the cycle of abuse, even If not for any reason but yue qingyuan.

Even as an adult he was still a child inside wanting the comfort of someone he trusted more than anything, and to be reassured that he wasn't abandoned, that his qi-ge was just late.

And to make it worse, he was, yue qingyuan was simply late. He pushed to hard to quickly, refused to ask for help, refused to explain, got himself in a deadly situation, was late and continued to not explain himself but instead give a look of pity and a stupid sorry every single time as if that changes anything.

Now to go into that, that look of pity. I can literally feel in my soul how fucking cruel that was to have done to Shen qingqiu. Imagine you make it out alive through being sold into slavery, abused in all ways possible, had to fight your way out because your one and only wasnt able to, got basically kidnapped and then further used, escaped THAT, and finally made it to a sect where you see your one and only, hoping that no he couldn't have left me... Did he? No he didnt abandon you, there must be a reason. But nothing, just pathetic apologies constantly. He must've thought himself above me, I'll prove him wrong. You make it to be a head disciple on your way to be a Peak Lord, an impeccable position and a near impossible accomplishment for an ex slave, and still nothing, just pity.

Then you finally get to the top, your on your way to Ascension, already immortal despite being too old to even cultivate when you started and your qi-system (whatever it's called) is absolutely wrecked (miracle you can even cultivate, an insane improbability to have made at to a golden core and immortality). But still, even after all you've been through and persevered through, pity, pity for a man who made it. Pity for a man who went through hell and still fucking made it.

I'm just saying, I'd be mad too.

But no, it doesn't end, of course it doesn't.

Your anger reaches a point unmanageable, you refuse to explain, no one explained anything to you and they won't listen anyway! refuse to try because what good could it do? No one will believe me anyway what's the point? Only friends are brothel ladies, who you pay to be with you, you get called a pervert and a lecher for caring for these woman and that girl disciple of yours who you take pride and comfort in. Are you a pervert and a lecher? Is that true? Only you really know.

And then this bastard kid she just had to point out.

Shen Jiu, refused to acknowledge his REAL flaws and blamed everyone else for everything even when it truly does end up his fault. What. Is he just supposed to deny or admit anything? Of course not! Let them belive whatever the hell they want, I've always acted this way making me seem untrustworthy and because they're hypocrites they wont try to find out why anyway, and I'm always the victim.

Which he was for a long time.

But then he wasn't, not really no, still a victim or course, but right now, with his standing and power?

and then even though they were in the wrong, his refusal to try (understandable but still) was his own choice, his refusal to at least get along with them, not start fights, not ostracize and critisize in the form of snide commentary. No one made him did that, he was traumatized and a child, yes, so was it understandable? Of course! Was it still his own actions that even as an adult he refused to stop, let alone apologize for, even if not literally apologizing? Yes, yes it was.

And then a child. Whose had it rough. Maybe not (yet) as rough as you, but rough. And then to abuse that kid, torture and isolate that child become he was so lucky to have had a mother? A mother who, although still his mother, wasn't even blood? And because his eyes reflected that of a monster, his name reminding you of your abuser just like how your own now does to. hes too much like me, that look just can't be humane, he must be a monster. And you know what you were right he was a half demon child. But not even a demon deserved to be pushed into the abyss to die, no child not even a demon child deserved what you but him through.

That is not how that works. You hand him over to the water prison and figure it out, because the laws are fucked but at least that's something then just acting how you think is right even when you know its not. But no you had to, because what would they say, harboring a monster, you must be one to.

Then on top of all that, you swore to yourself that once you got your peak Lord name, you'd bury your past like you literally just spawned in the moment it's given. And then failed to bury it. Because life isn't that easy. But for once you just wish it was. You wanted to kill that child, so for the one that reminds you to much of yourself? You'll kill that one instead.

Shen jiu doesn't deserve excuses, hell he doesn't even want people to make excuses for him, not for himself and not from anyone else (except if that excuse Is qi-ge giving him so much as "I got caught up drinking my hella fancy tea, I dint mean to leave you there") .

But he was tragic.

He was human, so very human. A human playing the part of a trancendial being. A human boy in the appearance of someone untouchable and inconceivable.

Playing this act means no one can use nor abuse you.

Now, no one can hurt you,

Not anymore.

...

But they still did

[saszaszeszi]

Tw. Suicide mentioned; calories and ed mentioned

Guess who isn't feeling good and have the biggest stress of life since i got sa'd? YES, MY DUMP ASS! THIS IDIOT OVER HERE. I feel dump, my head is dizzy and fuzzy cause of all this stress. I don't know anymore what to feel, except it's stressful. Maybe i feel worried? Or betrayed? Maybe just sad? Or angry? I don't really know and probably won't know. I'm just tired for now and don't wanna to worry them anymore, yet I know I can't continue living like this. For the whole night i slept not even 3h and woke up scared. Just like i had some nightmare I don't remember anymore. I need to focus on myself cause grandma noticed I slightly tremble. I want to cry and yell for attention and help. Yet I can't. I think I'll go buy some snacks today. I maybe want to loose some weight again and it wont help. Hell with how much i was pissed off when i noticed i ate more than 500 kcal in a day I know it'll sabotage all my progress. Yet maybe something tasty and sweet will help me to calm down. Maybe not chocolate, but an sweet candy soda (if ill get it at my village shop lol. If not then probably monster or black) and crisps. Ngl want to smoke badly, but everyone home so can't. Probably will smoke at night. It helps me to calm down. Maybe I'll buy beer and get drunk again? Last time wasnt good, but at least I wont remember it well again too. I need to calm down. I can't talk now, cause everyone have their problems and is busy, but when we all will ve ready I can't let my emotions control me too much. And now to focus on not puking or loosing consciousness around anyone. I'm so used to the second one i already can feel signs before, so I know I'm close. And well i guess puking in stress like this is common, especially it happened to me once. But oh well, don't want to worry my family. The biggest problem is that I know one of them reads this blog from time to time when worried. I mean i gave them info to check on me if something is wrong. I wanted them to check if they are worried. But not for them to lie they never checked and then send ss and talk about it behind my back. I hoped for confronatation even tho i hate em. I thought if they worry and see something is wrong and they decide to check they'll tell me. That was litteraly the only reason they got the faken info. It was a bad idea. Now idk if I even can trust them? Eh... I already was overstressed and tired from all this fatigue and couldn't do a shit, but oh well my fault. I won't annoy others anymore, i have plan to end it all. But now I'm also worried I'll act like a coward and won't do it. At least before i can do it i have whole week ahead. So I can change my mind, cause won't lie i decided on this way to fast. It will be place withiut much internet (mountains) and I'll only be able to use it in tourist spots and mountain shelters. But if next week after wednesday I won't make any post know I'm not here with you. Or fucking failed and in hospital. I hope they won't see it, and they wont talk about it behind my back and all.

[bvckbiter]

a couple of people were wondering about the pjotwt fiasco i referenced in my filipino!percy post so for those curious im gonna provide the best breakdown i can of that entire convoluted mess

ever since the live action casting, show fans have been saying repetitively that blonde haired blue eyed percy “just makes so much more sense” because blonde hair is like the sand and blue eyes is like the sea

I see a millionth iteration of that tweet and quote-retweet it making fun of how this fandom can’t come up with any actual hot takes of substance

op gets in my mentions all angry asking why the “discourse” makes me so triggered. I reply basically saying “im not triggered? and what discourse, we’re talking about the hair color of a fictional character”

op suddenly moves goalposts and talks about how leah and aryan faced racist backlash for their casting even though we were originally talking about percy's casting. I point that out and how theyre not even remotely similar cases, but she just goes “well it’s your fault you thought we were only talking about walker, and people like you who are disagreeing with my tweet are shitting on walker’s appearance which is harmful! So i will call you out! 🤓👆🏻”

I then proceed to be very baffled about how walker is getting harmed from any of this at all and try to end the convo since i realize that she’s not even arguing with anything I’m actually saying. But op continues being angry in my mentions going “how can you say that telling a 15 yo actor is a horrible casting and that he cant embody percy is not harmful!” and im like “huh???? Why did this come up i never said this you’ve lost the plot” and she says “i never said you said that YOU’VE lost the plot im sorry you’re stupid” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

the thread more or less ends there but op apparently firestormed a lot of people she caught disagreeing in her mentions so i wasnt the only battle she was fighting lol. Other people are talking about how while they enjoy walker’s performance, theyve only ever seen him as a character of color so… obviously blonde blue eyed percy really isnt the first thing they envision. Somewhere along the line, someone reposts THAT iconic fanart of latino!percy (from… well… user latinopercy) with the caption #MYpercyjackson

People jump on it in the comments and qrts saying “JUMPSCARE” who is that?!” “Idk who that man is” “this is your percy??? Be so for real…” One comment even said that he was ugly. Another comment said that he didn’t embody percy’s vibes because he was “too angry.”

I qrt talking about how scummy it is that people are attacking a fan depiction of latino!percy THAT WAS MADE WAY BEFORE THE SHOW WAS EVER ANNOUNCED just so they can make it known that theyre defending walker’s casting. I also point out that the fanart is a repost, so it’s really unfair for the artist that their art is being bandied around like that then receiving all that vitriol

Another motherfucker comes into my mentions saying “i need you to realize that a real life child is worth defending more than a headcanon.” I reply asking to clarify how walker is supposed to be getting harmed by any of this and why defending him should entail shitting on people who prefer dark-haired percy hcs. I also point out that if the actor is a real life person, so are the people who hold those hcs as well as the artist whose fanart was getting dragged into this.

Mf says that people are attacking walker over a drawing/hc, which aren’t real. I try to articulate that the imagined harm walker is facing is not in any way a tangible, material threat. He’s the most popular among the main trio and his acting has never been fully discredited just because of his hair color (unlike leah and aryan who people said only got casted for DEI and woke agendas, yk how the grifters go). “People hoping he’d dye his hair and wear contacts is not tantamount to harm and hate,” I said, and neither is having dark-haired percy and/or percy of color hcs.

I thought I explained it well but mf just repeats like a broken record that thinking like that is thinking that fake headcanons are more important than real life kids. No matter what I say in response. SEVERAL TIMES, AD NAUSEUM. “Headcanons aren’t real, the kids are.”

The final statement that really pissed me off was them saying this

That’s where the brouhaha ends lol. Since then I’ve also seen tweets making fun of people who genuinely prefer/want a percy of color over a blonde percy because they say and I quote, “percy has been white ever since the books.” Like, YES WE KNOW 😭 But there is a deeply held lore for percy’s ethnic ambiguity in the fandom that was there long before the show was ever in development.

I have no problem with people who prefer the show or blonde Percy or walker or whatever. But to for some reason crusade FOR it on the pretense of protecting the actor from some imagined harm is just fucking ridiculous to me. Just to backtrack, this all came about simply because I made fun of how repetitive the “blonde percy supremacy” take was. And that was construed as shitting on walker. That guy is not seeing any of our tweets if his parents and agents know half a thing about media training??? No one cares! It’s a fucking hair color! Besides, as much as they want to pretend otherwise, the books and the show are invariably separate canons. Not that they can handle an analysis more complex than “yay perca/beth crumbs in the show so show good” lmao

Needless to say, show stans piss me off lol and this is one of the reasons why. A lot of them are show stans primarily because theyre so (parasocially) attached to the actors. It doesnt just show in the crusading, it also shows in how they keep lock and step with every single movement of the actors’ activities on social media. But that’s another discussion entirely deserving of its own post lol.

[figula]

today was rough and i am going to just try and chalk it up to a bad one and hope i wake up feeling miraculously healed

the germ spray mishap wasnt really anyone's fault (ana seems to think i had known in advance about the cinema trip and just didnt bother asking them to leave it at home but i only heard about it this morning after ana had already left lol like no one was keeping it secret on purpose, ben mentioned last week he "might" go and see alien w/ clare but didnt confirm until this morn like obviously i would have mentioned it if i had thought it would be an issue!!!) but i could have just really done without the additional stressor on top of trying to get over a difficult day yesterday, trying to not get in my head about my birthday + my sister coming over, blah blah idk it was just something really stupid that made me so frustrated and upset

and knowing the obvious chasm of what i find reasonable and rational vs what 99% of the populace think is r&r just makes me more frustrated and upset bc i just know i sound so crazy

ben said the cinema was really quiet anyway and there were like 10 people in there

after my sister goes home he wants us to work on my resilience and i do think hes right i just also dont want to and i want to continue being left to run myself into the ground bc it is easier in the short term. c/ping from our discord conversation just now (yes we are in the same house i just find it easier to type my feelings than say them)

[julie-schwieters-supremacy]

i lowk js left everyone on read and i fucked shit up with one person aka g and now hes mad but like its my fault this time cos i was so!!! rude !!!! and bitchy!!! for like no reason bahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahsdkAHJFADKSJGHSDJKH anyways yeah so now im playing online games like a loser cos i was like really mean to him and then i was like wanna call like an hour later n he was like nah im fucking good so theres that yayyyyyy im so happy !!!! like yay !!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of myself ykyk i love when people are mad at me and FGSKDCJHG people keep ignoring me haha !! but its fine !! im fine !! yesyesyeysyeyseyeyyseysye LMAO SKGJSFGHKJHYAYAYSASFKSFJGHFGJKBNSKJFGH im actually really fucking sad and i have swimming tomorrow so im gonna drown in the depths of the waters and i cant even sh KSFGJHSFJKGH YAY !!!!!!! i love fucking shit up why is my life so fucking complicated what the fuck !!! my friends dont even like me !! hahahhaha yayyyy i love when that happens like i know ima bad friend to some friends and some friends are bad friends to me but im still sad when they hangout without me and make it obvious !!! like whyd you choose her over me ahahahahaha LOL ANWAYS IM DOING GREAT ahahahaha.// why are u ignoring me SDKGJSGH i wasnt tryna be weird on purpose !!!!! i wasnt tryna be mean i swear.... like i why am i bad luck !!!!! other people are just so lucky with their friends and school and pets and family and they just dont get it !!! and then i make ONE small comment and mess up and they have a go at me/////like i was just tryna help !! i thought it was funny i knew you were joking....of course.... HAH WHY DO YOU HATE ME////////i was tryna explain stuff to you....why wont you get it!!! like just shut the fuck up and move on if you dont get it !!! dont be mad i swear i was just syaing im sorry i speak without thinking !! but its fine !! it is so fine i am doing great i aM ABOUT thiiiiiiissssssss LOCSE KEYHJGFKHGRUK CLOSE TO LOSING MY MIND WHAT THE SHIT BRO also why the fuck are vapes so expensive like i aint spending $60 that ion even have !!! on one vape i should just buy cigs at this point!?!?!?!? HAH who cares if my lungs turn grey and i die in 2 years i sure hope i do !!!!! yayyy fun

[spacebeyonce]

Sorry for dumping in your inbox again haha, but anyways-- just rn I came across a post on my dash about how it's the reader's duty to check tags, and that you shouldn't attack fanfic authors for "writing stuff you don't like" (ie proship nonsense lol), and while I do agree that it's always important to check tags thoroughly; I kept thinking about how many times I came across disturbing content, that WASNT tagged, and it was making me think, "if this wasn't tagged, don't I have the right to be upset about it being included?"

For example, my special interest is specifically Kaeya, an Indian character from genshin impact. On the rare occasions that I read fanfic, it's usually one shots of them-- however SO many fanfics end up describing kaeya in the most racist or fetishy way imaginable, or have characters say or do racist things towards them! And look-- I can handle kaeya fics involving racism (hell, I even write some for my friends and I to discuss!!!), however those fics are usually exploring racism as a THEME, and how it impacts the character! Most fanfics though? Absolutely don't do that!! And the racism is literally NEVER tagged!! There's no warning of kaeya being called a fucking "caramel twink" or have their brother say racist shit to them! There's none of that! Idk...

TL;DR ppl don't understand that you can't trust authors to tag everything/not to be pieces of shit, and that it shouldn't be reader's fault for stumbling across untagged shit that upset them + genshin fans suck ass lol

oh don't apologize! I enjoy talking to new people!

but yes most fic writers are fucking atrocious when it comes to tagging, and oh how they bristle when you ask them to tag something more appropriately. it's why the 'creator chose not to warn' tag is so....pointless to me??? that shit is my enemy. like warning readers about a topic or theme that might trigger them is common courtesy imo. and if your story can't stand without you making the triggering content be a surprise then like...that's a skill issue I fear. it's always 'fic writers don't owe you anything' and all this attitude but then that attitude is gone when our hard work isn't recognized the way we want.

like I can understand being like 'fic writers don't owe you anything' when it's someone that's telling you the direction your story should go, or constantly demanding updates and not like....idfk interacting with this thing you're making as it comes. I get that! but this is kinda supposed to be a community, and communities build each other up and call us in when needed...so maybe we should be open to more than just blind uncritical praise. but what do I know!

but yes, they are never, ever going to tag for racism like that. when it's how you write it, in EXPLORATION AS A THEME then hell yeah it'll be tagged. but when it's racial fetishization, or an irrational bashing fic towards a character of color...no, no. that'll never get tagged. you can certainly bring up why it's hurtful to the author, but chances are high that won't go suuuper well. 'cause I mean...the last few weeks have really reminded me that when it comes to racism fandom is just stupid as hell about it so what else can we expect lmao.

but yeah I feel your pain so hard. every time I hear about the genshin fandom it's when they're doing something racist so. I'm sending a prayer up for your strength lmao. I hope you've got a good community of color around you there because man it sure helps you feel less fucking insane.

[missathlete31]

Hi.

I'm going to need a detailed analysis on every aspect of Just A Scratch. I am SO obsessed with this i cant WAIT for part 2.

Im a slut for hurt/comfort on a normal day--add in the fact that its Nat & Jake--also that Nat is put in a situation that SO many of us have been in, and we see her vulnerable for the first time in how she reacts (not the cool calm collected badass.)

Idk man ive been in sinilar situations and my immediate reaction has always been to fawn. ("Dont say anything to make them angry amd make the sitation worse-thats the only way out") and seeing a badass, confident woman like Natasha rocked a little bit, and thrown off/not immediately shove him off/etc... idk, makes me feel a little more seen in my knee-jerk responses to harrassment.

Idk man, i just feel SEEN.

Thank you for that. 🥺 i wasnt expecting to feel healing when i read this at 5am. 🥹

-- @callsign-barbell 🔔

Okay first off- THANK YOU for reading my story and being such a fan that you reached out! A detailed analysis!!!! OMG don’t tempt me!!! Lol

But in all seriousness I’m so happy that everyone seems so interested and understanding with Nats reaction! I know it’s a little against cannon because like you said she is normally so calm cool and collected badass but I really liked exploring her vulnerable side. The guy throws her off her game because she really wasn’t expecting it and she goes through what a lot of people do in these unwanted situations- shakiness and uncertainty.

As someone that’s worked in hockey arenas and bars for 10 years I know that this situation happens and it happens a lot. Sometimes it’s more innocent (someone reading vibes wrong) and sometimes it can be dangerous. I completely get your fawn reaction, my go to was always to just laugh it off and get on to another customer. It’s never easy to feel unsettled and especially in this story where the predator was violent, these situations can escalate very quickly.

Part 2 is going to explore a little bit of victim shaming (Natasha is going to think this is all her fault) and while I don’t want to seem virtue signaling I think it’s an important step in the progress of the story.

It’s funny, this really meant to be a one shot, slight Hannix angst with a wholesome ending. But I’m enjoying the more serious tones in this especially if it helps readers see that even the strongest fictional characters can experience these moments like we do.

Thank you again for being so awesome @callsign-barbell and all other readers. Feel free to reach out again with any questions, or if you want to vent or anything!

I really hope you all like Part 2 and Part 3

[videostak]

rly strange weird thing happened last night that kinda has me in a idk just CYCLICAL feeling cause some1 who ghosted me like 4 years ago (i knew them from high school and they ghosted me like a year or so after it ended) and last night they texted me acting like nothing happened and just started up a conversation. well they said sorry but u kno just on the side like as if it hadnt been like 4 years.. this was like at 11 at night too so i dont kno i entertained the idea of conversation thinking she'd like kinda go more into why she hasnt contacted me these past 4 years. she's not one of the people i was particularly closee close to or even connected particularly well so it didnt even hurt me too bad when she ghosted me so like i dont even or cant even summon up the energy to like call her out on it cause i dont feel too strong abt it but it is v strange and .... weird. actually got a text in like idk 2020 or 2021 from a random number presumed someone i removed from my contacts apologizing for being m i a saying theyd make it up to me but when i asked who it was and that i mustve removed them from my contacts they didnt respond lol. i wonder if that was her. but also there were like 2 other people it also couldve been i wished i remembereed exactly what the text said cause if that previous text said m i a it couldve been the same person cause she also said m i a in reference to it . anyways i talked for a bit about how things were n stuuff but feel very dirty abt it . just letting someone treat me like shit and walk all over me again with no regards to my feelings like its been a long time since ive even talked to someone i kno irl so it feels so cyclical again and also my fault the way i act like completeley ok w/ ppl just treating me however and picking things back up whenever they want to. and also like idk the nerve of ghosting someone for 4 years and not even saying who u are when u do text them back like assuming theyd still have u in their contacts lol.. tho idk she did say that it wasnt just me and that she hadnt messaged any1 for like the past few years idk its v strange to not give any further explanation when it was getting later at night i texted that i was gonna go to sleep n stuff and she didnt respond and she hasnt texted today yet but its still p early i kinda hope she doesnt like idk we literally dont even have a single thing in common and i def feel like we have less in common now than back then. i also like idk dont rly kno what to do. im hoping she doesnt message again but i guess if she continues to ill be like umm hey lol. idk its so easy for ppl to walk all over me and make me do whatever like idk i think i really am easily manipulated as dumb as it sounds. like i v rarely object to being made to do things but theres no reason for me to even attempt to rekindle a friendship andthe fact that she message presumably intending to do so has to mean she like mustve gotten into a argument or smthn w/ her friends or smthn or that theres something idk. just made me feel so dirty and gross last night texting pretending

[aritamargarita]

GOLDEN || 007

me after lying for more than a week. the streak is over guys. but it wasnt my fault ok it was actually tumblrs!!!

the fact i have had to revise this chapter around five times GOOD GOD. i finally found an idea to focus on. originally wanted it to be strictly ecw, but we ended up heading on back to wcw lol. shorter than id like it to be but..i split it heehee

id also like to clarify things our tenure is like: ecw (1994-1996) > wcw (february 1996-september 1997) > ecw (october/november 1997) > wwf (december 1997)... how fun is that? hope that makes sense i think i talk about lore too much (yes i will go into detail)

YOU THINK TROUBLE follows you almost everywhere you go. When you went to WCW, you just wanted some peace. Of course, you’re just so unlucky that you can never EVER get what you want.

“Did you seriously crawl all the way from the ring?”

You’re not sure whether to commend him for his efforts or just be disappointed.

“Jeez, you’re so pathetic,” You say. “You can’t even stand on your own feet. I almost feel sorry for you.”

Raven doesn’t have the energy to look up, but he definitely knows it’s you. His vision is blurred, with the only thing in his view being your shoes.

Your voice sends Raven into a frenzy. While he hates the way you’re talking down to him, he loves the sound of it. He’s not sure if it’s his mind being all woozy.

….He’s bleeding, too. It’s noticeable, especially on his face. Some of his curls were also stained with red. You knew for a fact Stevie and Sandman did a number on him during his match.

Especially since the latter swung by afterwards and spilled the deets. Sandman was already lighting up a cigarette by the time he got to you. You can only wonder how he got it so fast..

“I set him straight.” He said, a puff of smoke hitting you in your face.

You wave it out the way, scrunching your nose. You’re not entirely sure what he said, but you don’t really care. “Can you—can you like, at least blow somewhere else?”

He just laughs at you. “Needed you to get your head out of the clouds.”

You’re unsure what number cigarette he’s on now. You’re too busy stuck in your thoughts to care. “I was listening, I-I swear.”

“Oh yeah? Then what did I just say?”

“…….”

Your silence causes him to puff more smoke in your direction. Goddamn it. You’re going to have a problem with him if you end up getting any secondhand smoke symptoms..

“Ha. Knew ya’ weren’t listening. I’ll say it again. You didn’t do it, so I ended up doing it myself. You’re letting this idiot fuck you guys over.”

At the time, you definitely weren’t listening. You were backstage pacing back and forth, hoping that Stevie made it out alright. You hadn’t seen him since he stormed out there and told you to stay behind.

Seeing Raven beaten down makes you feel complete. It makes you feel like you got your revenge, even if it was by proxy.

You kneel down to his level. “It’s crazy that it ended up like this. You’ve lost everyone, huh? I may be the only person you have left.”

You may be right. Raven’s lost everything. He’s lost Beulah. He’s lost his little lackeys. They’re all gone. They want nothing to do with him.

He’s half the man he used to be.

And he can’t say you didn’t try. You really, really did. For his sake. You destroyed yourself everyday so he’d be happy.

You left Terry’s side for him. You’ve even messed Tommy up so he could win his matches. You’ve never EVER received a ‘thank you’. Nothing was ever given to you in return.

Either way, if he wouldn’t give you appreciation, you hoped that someone else would. There were other people in the nest you could talk to..

You used to talk to Beulah the most, as she would request for you specifically to curl her hair. In her words: “there’s no one else that can do it like you”. She’s always been incredibly sweet to you.

The moment she had aligned herself with Tommy Dreamer was when things got worse. Raven forbid you from ever talking to her again. Don’t look at her. Don’t even THINK of her.

She didn’t exist in your life anymore.

After that, you really didn’t have any friends outside of her. Luckily, you then found yourself finding comfort in none other than Stevie Richards.

It surprised you. He was so peppy and he always looked as bright as the sun. He’s someone you thought you’d get annoyed with, but in the end, you felt like you two had a lot more in common.

Whenever you and him found something even the slightest bit funny, the two of you would burst into giggles.

It was almost scary how abrupt your joy would come to an end when Raven walked into the room.

When he’d do that, sometimes he will stare at you two. If you were lucky, you’d get out of it without him berating you. You two feel like you’re walking on eggshells around him.

…You’ve come to the conclusion that Raven can’t stand happiness. It was probably because he’s never had any in life. Because he didn’t have it, none of you in the Nest could.

It made you feel bad for him. He’s had a strange upbringing, so you felt like if you left him, he’d fall apart.

Maybe that’s why he acts the way he does. You wish you could open his head and just take a look at his brain. You wonder what’s going on in there.

You could never figure it out, but then came Kimona Wanalaya. She came into the picture sooner than you thought. Almost out of nowhere. Raven definitely wanted a place to pin his sadness.

Obviously, she was the cushion. He was the pin. She was very quiet, a little bit snarky. You figured Raven probably played a part in her behavior.

She always wore the cutest clothes though, that you had to admit. Once you told her as much, Kimona had told you that you’re welcome to come through her closet anytime.

You thought about it. It’s a hard maybe. Thing is, you’ve actually started matching with Stevie on occasion. Just to see how it feels.

You had to cut some of your old denim jeans as short as you could possibly get them.

Not too much, of course. There’s more of a mystery when someone’s covered up, you think. Then again, you had to wear crop tops, so eh.

Hey, on the bright side, no wardrobe malfunctions!

It got a kick out of the crowd, seeing you jump around and be all hyper as you head towards the ring. Mimicking him was really fun.

Raven didn’t like it though. He didn’t like how close you two were getting at all. It was all his fault though, he’s pretty cold to the both of you. It’s inevitable that you two would start to get along.

He really thought you’d get jealous of Kimona. That’s why he brought her around in the first place, at least that’s what he was telling himself. Yet you’re too focused on Stevie to even pay him any mind.

He never said anything about it either. All he could do was lie in the bed he made.

It’s all his fault and there’s nothing he could do to fix it. He shouldn’t have let you two get confident enough to leave him. None of you had the guts to get anything done.

He was the hero. It wasn’t any of you that aligned himself with him. He was the hero at the end of this story, you guys were just pawns to be used along the way.

Raven’s the winner. He always has been and always will be.

But winners don’t writhe on the ground while bleeding. He’s still having a hard time stabilizing himself.

He raises up a hand and tries to hold onto you in an attempt to get any kind of leverage, but you scoot away. “Ew, stop. You’re gonna get blood on me..”

Just as you say that, he spits out a string of blood, murmuring something that you couldn’t hear. 

You don’t really care.

“I tried helping you, Raven. I really did. It may be a stretch, but I’m almost the only person that can stand being around you just a little bit. There's no one that'll ever treat you like I do."

It was halfway a lie. You were sure if you stood nearby him any other time, you’d either try to claw his eyes out or end up crying. You hope it ends up being the former.

“I bet everyone loves you.” He finally says something understandable, using his hand to try and wipe away blood that was masking his vision.

He doesn’t turn upward to face you, deciding to stare right into the space behind. “I can only begin to wonder how that felt. Being appreciated and wanted in society. To be respected, not feared…”

“Oh yes. People love me.” You confirm. “You love me too.”

“….I don’t.”

“You definitely do. Don’t kid yourself…” You’re looking straight at him. "Haven't your parents ever told you its not good to lie?"

Maybe he does love you. No, he doesn’t know what he feels around you. It’s not contempt and it’s not admiration either.

The moment he says something that directly confronts the problem is the moment that you’ve won. He doesn’t want to give you that satisfaction.

“I know for a fact you love me, because you don’t have anyone else that does.” You can’t fight the small smile on your face. “You know, people recognizing their self-worth and all that.”

You say it so casually. Raven’s clenching his fist. The audacity of it all. You’re not even helping him. You should be helping him back to his feet and whispering that everything would be okay.

Yet here you are. You’re making fun of him.

It’s something that neither of you would’ve expected. He fucking hates how it ended up being this way.

This isn’t fair. None of it is.

You feel like Raven’s hurt you for far too long. It’s his turn to get the short end of the stick.

Raven knew that it was inevitable he’d see you again, but not like this. This wasn’t the way he planned for things to go.

You must be a curse. Ruining everything one step at a time. Then again, it was partially his mothers fault as well.

Everything was crafted to be so meticulous. He would be there, then work his way back into your life and right inside of your head, just like old times. And if Stevie’s there, you’re sure to follow.

It’s not like things weren’t going to plan at first. He knew he would follow you to WCW once you left, that’s why he stopped asking.

As soon as you saw him in the crowd, you knew that you were in for a ton of shit. First, it’s Sting you had to deal with, now on top of that you had to deal with Raven?!

It only made you feel the slightest bit better to see Stevie frantically waving at you in the crowd as well. It made you a little upset seeing them together, mainly because he’s made so much progress with leaving Raven in the dust.

Unfortunately for Raven, the one damn time that his mother was backstage trying to get in was when it started to fall apart. You shouldn’t have been there!

And thus began the reckoning, as he would call it.

“Oh, that [Name] girl is so sweet! Why don’t you invite her over for dinner?” Raven’s mother would urge him to invite you over every chance she got. He definitely didn’t want you inside his house.

“No mom.” He’d always respond. “She can’t come over.”

"Why not, Scotty?"

Raven cringes. He hates when she calls him that. It’s not who he is anymore. "Because. I don't want her to.."

"Well, please reconsider." She says, laying the table cloth down onto the table. "What about your other friend, Chris Kanyon, wasn’t it?”

“I don't care.” He waves her off. “Why do you even want them to come anyway?”

“I just think they would be wonderful guests to have. I'm sure Chastity would enjoy the company as well."

If you came over, nothing would work. He doesn't exactly know how you'll react to him either.

You had stopped listening to him near the end of your tenure, which really pissed him off. You slowly started to realize that he can’t control you anymore. He shouldn't have in the first place. Before you left, you decided to make amends with ones that you've done wrong.

..With everyone except for him. Because you truly never did anything to hurt him. It's been him hurting you this entire time. And you just sat there and took it because you didn't know any better.

You feel like this was inevitable, just like a moth to a flame, you find yourself coming right back to Raven. Even after you’ve joined the NWO.

Really. Who could resist? It was an invite from his own mother! She completely ignored his request, holding onto the statement that some company would do him good.

You probably should’ve known that this would be a segment somehow, too..

His mother is right by your side with a smile. "I really hope you're enjoying the stay.”

“I am! You have a really beautiful home.” Seriously. It was huge. His parents must’ve been millionaires, if not billionaires. There’s no way this could really be Raven’s childhood home, could it?

You feel like everything is a lie. From his “terrible” upbringing, to the way he treated you and the others..

Did this mean he just did it because he could?! 

“I’m not sure where Scotty is. I think it’s so rude he won’t come and greet you. I’m sorry about that. It’s something he’s working on in his treatment.”

“Treatment, you say?” Oh, now you’re curious. 

“Oh, yes! He didn’t tell you?” Of course he didn’t. “He’s been seeing a doctor for his behavior as of late. It’s a slow process, but I miss my little boy…..”

You feel bad for her. You really did. Yet you want to tell her how bad her son has treated you and a few others, but you’re sure it’s not what she wants to hear right now. 

“Feel free to make yourself at home, [Name]. In the meantime, I can make you something to drink if you’d like?” His mother seemed very enthusiastic about you being here. “Wine? Maybe water?”

You shake your head. “No, I’m good, thank you.”

Chastity is too engrossed in her magazine to notice you in the room at first, but when her mother clears her throat, she looks up. 

Seeing it’s you, a smile grows on her face. “Hey, [Name].” She greets.

You knew Chastity was from ECW, but by the time she was there, you were already departed from the company. “Hi there, Chas.” You wave. “Anything new?”

She sets the magazine flat onto the table. “Hey. Yeah. Raven’s friend is getting on my nerves. He thinks I like him or something. I can't even begin to imagine why he comes over here in the—“

A creaking sound coming from the other room makes the three of you turn around. It's Kanyon, followed by a sluggish Raven coming down the steps.

Upon seeing your face, Raven's completely startled. "What the hell is she doing here? Mooom, I told you, I didn't want her to come over!"

Ouch, way to greet your guests..

His mother isn't pleased. The look of embarrassment spreads on her face like a wildfire. "Scotty! That's no way you should say hello.."

Raven doesn't respond, just shakes his head. What can he do about it now that you're here? Absolutely nothing, so he just staggers over to you. "Hey."

"Hi. Nice place you've got here."

He scoffs. You’re damn right it’s a nice place. It’s what he wants to say, but is only able to mutter out a: “Right. Whatever.”

“I mean, I didn't know you had such a big house.” You say. “Like wow.”

Raven scoffs. “It’s nothing. You always exaggerate stuff.”

You motion outside, ignoring his previous comment. “You even have a pool! I know my place is a bit spacious, but holy shit, I don’t even have a pool.”

...Something tells you he’s not happy to see you at all. He just walks past you and heads towards the couch. You really were surprised though. He'd go on and on about his rough upbringing, but you weren't exactly sure if you believed him or not now.

His mother huffs. “I’m sorry. He doesn’t seem to be in a good mood right now..” She expectantly looks at Kanyon, but he only shrugs at her.

Kanyon gives you a wave though. “Hey. You’re [Name], right? From ECW?”

“Yeah, yeah I am. And you are…?”

“Chris Kanyon.”

You don’t recognize him, yet you still hold out your hand for him to shake. “I see. Nice to meet you, then!”

“Raven talks about you a lot. You should see all the stuff he’s got in his room about..” Kanyon is just about to continue, but Raven immediately launches out of his seat to cut him off.

“Yo, Kanyon,” His voice sounded strained. “I wanted to show ya’ a thing in our backyard. You know. The thing I was talking about? C’mon, dude.”

“Wait, what thing?”

Raven’s already shoving the poor guy outside. You watch them leave in suspicion, then turn back around to his mother. She’s only waving the two off, telling them not to make much of a mess.

“Hey, can I use your bathroom?” You ask.

She nods. “Of course. Up the stairs to the right, sweetie.”

“Thanks.” You give her a nod, then turn away to head up the stairs. You didn’t actually have to use the bathroom, obviously. You just want to know what the heck Raven’s got in his room for him to cut Kanyon off like that.

He's bad at keeping secrets, that's for sure. Once you get up there, you try to be a little quiet as you slink the opposite way. You peek through one door and you're met with a decently sized room. It's nice. Neatly decorated, clean, and a ton of space. Holy shit, they really are rich!

This doesn't seem to be his room anyway. It may be his mother's. You don't see anything that would tick off the boxes that it could be his. He mentioned that he was a "rock guy", so you figure he'd have some type of memorabilia in his room.

You close it and move on. You wish you could compliment her on how nice it was, but you were supposed to be in the bathroom, not snooping around.

The next room that was down the hall seemed to be what you were looking for. Of course he had something on the door that said, "DO NOT ENTER". He's so corny.

Compared to the other room, this totally looked like his. It's a little more stuffy, but the decorations inside seem to make up for it. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, save for the posters displayed on his wall.

Again, you're not surprised. He would always proudly effuse that he was a huge rock fan. He even wore the shirts to back it up. Not to mention how annoying he would get when you two were in the car together. Whatever CDS he brought...was the shit that you had to listen to for the entire trip.

For some reason, you feel a little creepy invading his space like this, even feel like you’re a little rude for overstepping a boundary. 

Then again, he kinda deserved it. As bad as it sounded, he was just getting karma. You’re not exactly sure if therapy was going to help him enough. 

That man is broken and you’re not a construction worker. You can’t fix him.

You just head into his room and slowly close the door behind you, leaving it open juuust a little bit so that you can hear better. You’d just be in and out once you find what you were looking for. 

This would be a little hard. His room was a little more disorganized. You have to kneel down to move things around from the end of his bed. 

At first, it starts to look like you weren’t going to strike gold at all. But your hand brushes up against something hard under the pile of clothes you tried to sort out next.

There’s some sort of small storage bin poking out from the bottom of his bed. Really weird.

You shuffle more clothes around and pull it out. You seriously have to make this quick, because you knew the others would probably start to wonder why you're upstairs for so long. You pop the top open and what you find isn't what you would expect.

Why were there so many pictures of you in here?

Some candids, some cuttings from the WCW magazine..

What the fuck.

What the fuck is going on here.

You drop it quickly and it flutters back into the bin. It's just as you thought, he's as much as a problem as Sting, if not WORSE. You don't even think Sting's gone as far as getting photos of you, but goddamn.

Scarily enough, you feel flattered. You just want to hit yourself for even feeling that way. This is wrong. Very, very wrong.

It's definitely time to get the fuck out of dodge, before you can even explore why you aren't as alarmed as you should be. You close the top on the bin and shove it where it was, then throw some clothes over it.

You stand up from your spot and look at a desk that was nearby. There was some sort of collectible trading card set on there. You figure you'll take something, just because you can. Call it a gift to yourself, a collateral for your mental health.

The coast is clear, so you make your way out of his room and towards the steps. For a second you have to take a breath, holding onto the banister.

You start to think maybe you should go home. That would be the best decision. You head back down the stairs and walk over to the living room area. "Chastity," You call her and she looks up at you. "I'm gonna head out. I just remembered I had something to do. Can you tell your mother that I'm sorry?"

She looks at you in confusion. "You got here not too long ago. Are you okay??" The look on your face is a little too obvious. Plus, you didn't call her a nickname.

"I'm fine, really!" You exclaim louder than intended. "Seriously. Just a little on edge because I forgot something really important. I'll see you later?"

Chastity figures she wouldn't get anywhere else with you, so she gives a thumbs up and lets you go for now.

It's only when you head out the door, was when you started to feel a little bit sick. You don't know what happened, but you just feel like you don't want to see Raven for a while.

It's what he would have wanted anyways. You weren't welcome in his house.

You had no choice but to respect his wishes.

i keep trying to do things..but tumblr just wont let me be great?!?!?!?!

THIS IS NOT OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM..the bret fans get a double u next chapter i promise. desktop is literally acting up for me now, though i think it may just be THIS draft if that makes sense???

now we have two stalkers. reader just has more history with raven thats why she kinda likes this. sting's gonna slam dunk knock it out of the park this shit though trust me!