#i ruined most of my relationships this year lmfao

[erraticfairymagic]

[heyaheiya]

hi sweetie, I love your work (◍•ᴗ•◍)

here's my request: pro hero katsuki x influencer quirkless reader. like how started the relationship and maybe some headcanon like hand placement, if there's pda in some events or awards, what he would answer if some1 ask him about his relationship, etc.

I hope you like my request, thank u and have a great day 💗

Omg I love the idea of katsuki with a famous non pro hero partner.

You were surprisingly popular for what you did. Makeup tutorials, reviews, grwms, ootd, vlogs. A part of your popularity was how it seemed you lived the dream life, inspiring teens all across Japan to strive for your aesthetic. (Wonyoungism lmfao).

You officially met Katsuki when you were asked to be the main interviewer on this year's annual Pro Hero Billboard Chart red carpet. When you read the email offering you this once in a lifetime opportunity, you slammed your laptop closed and sped walked laps around your bedroom. You were just a random person who posted silly footage of themselves. But now you were going to be on national TV, being on screen with the most famous faces of Japan. You were shitting yourself.

The company in charge of everything didn't really give you anything to prepare, not terrifying at all!! You spent days researching the heroes, trying to dig deep to find actually interesting things, rather than the repetitive "What made you want to be a hero?". A part of you really wanted to find embarrassing and creepily personal things to entertain the audience, but you quickly found there was a reason why you weren't a detective. 3 days straight, you attempted to stalk the heroes, and nothing. NOTHING!

The event was coming up quickly, and you had absolutely nothing. Your thick stack of cards, all decorated with the iconic design, were blank. You cried for 7 hours.

Eventually, you wrote down some questions, but rereading them, they were the most pathetic excuses for questions ever. You were spiralling. The next day, you were probably going to bomb, have no chemistry with any of the heroes, broadcasting hours upon hours of awkward tension, ruining your reputation and career, destroying the image you had spent years creating for yourself. You cried. A lot.

With a blink of the eye, you were at the red carpet, all dolled up, with less confidence than ever before. Great. The first hero you were stuck with was Deku. You assumed production noticed your panic and decided to throw you a bone.

"So, Deku, if you had to describe your pre-hero days with one word, what would it be?"

"Hmm," he took a second to think, "Bad."

Huh. No, Deku, No!! You were supposed to be the easy one! You cried internally.

"What? A nice, handsome boy like you? I bet you were popular in middle school!"

"I was bullied horrifically."

Damn.

Eventually, you'd managed to get past Deku, Red Riot, Sun Eater, and more. And it was awful. Just one more until your break. Just one more.

Praying to get an easy one, out walks Dynamight. Why do you hate me, God????

He was tall, brooding, and bad with interviews. You were hoping he'd just kill you so you wouldn't have to live with the memory of fucking up infront of the country.

"So- Dynamight. What inspired that name?" Fake it till you make it ig. You grit your teeth in discomfort.

There's a long pause before:

"Dynamite."

"Yeah, what inspired it?"

"Dynamite."

"Dude I just wanna go home, please don't make this harder."

"FUCK! DYNAMIGHT COMES FROM THE ENGLISH WORD DYNAMITE! I JUST CHANGED THE SPELLING OF "MITE" TO "MIGHT" CAUSE ALL MIGHTS FUCKING COOL AS FUCK!"

"Don't yell at me! :("

Dynamight's PR team advised him to keep his answers short and to hold in his anger until he was off screen. You'd assumed he'd been holding in his sass for the past 5 hours, so it was only natural he'd blow up soon. (Like dynamite lol)

As soon as you got home from that shit show, you quickly noticed how your name was trending on twitter.

Welp, time to see how badly I ruined my career. Goodbye fame, it's not like I spent years on you..

You slowly scrolled through your tag, skimming the posts about you. However, the more you read, the more you realised people didn't hate you. In fact, the most popular video of the night was you and Dynamight's interview. And people were.. SHIPPING YOU???

You avoided anything and everything for around a week, not even opening your blinds to let in the light. The only contact you had through those 7 days was your ugly orange cat. That was until you got a knock at your door.

That's weird, I only ordered food 2 minutes ago.

You pulled the door open, saw Katsuki, and slammed it back closed, a tuft of his fluffy blond getting stuck between the door and the frame.

"FUCK ME DEAD!"

"Sorry!!"

You yanked the door back open and looked up at the man. The commotion made your cat, Miso, perk up in fear and scratch at the tall beast of a man.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! First you avoid me like the plague, then you assault the shit out of me!"

"I'm so so sorry (ToT)"

------

Headcanon time 😼😼:

This man has his hands around your waist 24/7.

However, in the privacy of your own homes, he'd be a massive cunt and keep you in a headlock, knowing you can't do anything about it. He'd stop in a second if you asked him to.

At first, he wasn't big on pda. He felt it ruined his tough guy reputation. But his PR team begged him to keep a hand on you at all times, noticing how it kept his hashtag trending. Although he makes a big fuss, he secretly likes showing you off to everyone, and showing how you're all his.

Whenever he's asked about you, he insults the shit out of you.

"Huh, y/n? Never heard of them."

"They're an influencer? Yeah, no I only keep up with actual relevant people."

He means it with love. And he makes sure you know it, smothering you with love when he gets home.

Despite him bullying you about your only real job being promoting brands in your videos, he constantly buys you stuff. You make sure to show them off in your vlogs too.

Hope you enjoyed <33333

[goodwitchhour]

stephen nedoroscik boyfriend headcanons

requested: yes / no

summary: what the title says baby !!!!

cw: idk man it’s mainly just some fluff!

notes: quickly wanted to do this while writing all of your stephen requests!! promise they’ll be up soon but uni is taking up a lot of my time for the next two weeks would also like to add that I am not, in any way, trying to disrespect stephen OR his 8-year relationship (tess ur an icon and ily, pls share ur secrets for having such a good relationship bc ya girl is desperate), this is purely for funsies & obvs fictional!!! let me know if yall want another part & what your own hcs are! okay byeeeeee

stephen nedoroscik x reader ♡

he fell first. he knows straight away if he likes someone and if he does then thats that and it was no different with you. he didn't have eyes for anyone else, especially after he learnt that you liked him as well

my guy is a little spoon. sometimes he’ll be the big spoon but he also really just wants a cuddle

speaking of.. hugs! all! the! time! will hug you from behind if you’re busy doing something or when one of you have just come home he’ll scoop you up like it’s the easiest thing ever

honestly can’t imagine ever fighting with him likeeee if one of you is upset then he’ll make sure you talk it out! will sit down with you and would be SO patient but he also won’t force you to talk it out if you’re not ready to — either way yall won’t be getting into a screaming match bc frankly I think he’d rather die

on the other hand, if the relationship is more new & fresh he might be hesitant to bring up problems in fear of potentially ruining or making things awkward between you

but once you become more comfortable with each other and your relationship he finds it much easier to come to you, especially because the trust between you is much stronger

will send you videos when he’s at practice! or he’ll actually facetime you and just be on call until it’s basically time to go back home to you! and if you're not busy then you're coming with him to the gym!!

sends you memes all the time! like if you go a few days without checking your dms on instagram or tiktok, trust that he has flooded with them with cursed posts

he will also send you photos & videos of kyushu ALL THE TIME!!! and if he’s away, he’ll ask to facetime just so he can say hi to him lol

will teach you how to play chess and will teach you about his favourite rubiks cube algorithms

will also teach you how to play rocket league if you don’t already know, like will do the whole sit you on his lap and put his hands on yours as his teaches you the controls

speaking of lap sitting, one of his love languages is physical touch fr! if you’re at home he’s practically smothering you but if yall are in public he needs to at least still hold hands or have a hand on your leg/arm/shoulder. he isn’t big on pda really but he also needs to be on your space in some way so it’s something he has to try & balance lmfao

like the scorpio he is, he’s very intense in his love for you! like he’ll keep things private about specific relationship details but he’ll still talk about you all. the. time. without compromising said privacy!! he gets especially good at keeping this balance during the olympics when the press are all over him

if you’re a gymnast like him then he loves training with you!! will help you with routines and vice versa

if you’re just a regular lil person then he loves hearing about your job! always ready for you to come home and unload on him about your day

andddd if you’re famous in some capacity then trust he’s the MOST supportive of you and your career!! like he is your n.1 cheerleader!! (side note… stephen x famous!reader anyone??)

[strawberrypinky]

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed with negativity on the internet recently and thus I've decided to take matters into my own hands and spread some ✨love and positivity✨

And what better way to do that, than to recommend wonderfully written fanfiction I've come across this year? Admittedly, I haven't read as much as I would have liked, but I still want to share the few I did read. So without further ado, here are my fic recs of 2024 (thus far! Might add to this along the line):

Baldur's Gate 3 Fic recs:

O Fortuna [by @gufu-vire] on AO3 - Raphael x Dark Urge ❦ Plot: Post the events of BG3, a redeemed Dark Urge and Raphael renegotiate terms to fulfil a contract sworn upon during the crisis of the Absolute. An adventure fraught with tension, frustration, conflict, and more as the reader partners up with the devil you love to hate…

This is possibly a very biased mention on this list, because I consider Goof a very dear friend and moot, but it is a deserved spot nonetheless! I have yet to catch up with a majority of the chapters, but I'm enjoying a lot of sneak peeks and Gufu's creative process in private in the meantime. Between the conflict this story is utterly hilarious and witty and is a perfect balance between action and idle affairs. There are also so many intriguing takes on Raphael as a character & Harleep deserves a trophy on his own. I could talk a lot about this story, but truly, I cannot recommend it enough!

❦

Sleep Deprivation - [by @nyda-the-tav & Aisln] on AO3 - Gortash x Tav ❦ Plot: As Orin continues to harass the group of misfits trying to stop the Absolute, Ophelia (Tav) looks for safety in the arms of Gortash in an effort to combat sleep deprivation.

I've only recently started reading this story & both authors best believe that once I've caught up with all 50(!) chapters, I'll leave a more detailed review for Sleep Deprivation. But what I've read thus far has been nothing short of a joy, and I'm always down for a good Tav being absolutely ruined by Gortash himself. The dynamic between the supposed enemy and the hero is gripping, hilarious and not to mention really well written! Kudos to the authors! I'm really excited to read more of what you two come up with!

❦

His Star - His Queen [by @random-introverted-blog] on AO3 - Astarion x Tav/Astarion x Dark Urge ❦ Plot: An ascended Astarion kidnaps the Dark Urge/Tav from a different timeline, after loosing her in his. Desperate to save Tav/Durge from himself, Astarion follows her to rescue his love from certain suffering at his own hands.

I was recommended this story on TikTok (of all places, lol) and I wasn't sure what to expect - but holy shit. The first chapter alone had me on the edge of my seat, as you're really thrown into the action from the start, but the entire premise had me hooked as soon as Ascendant Astarion made his appearance. I often have issues with the ascended version of Astarion's character (I just looooove fixing him & I've got issues with the 'make him worse' story arc), but the exploration of what could have been in tandem with trying to save the heroine from inevitable suffering is beautiful & I can't recommend it enough. I've yet to catch up with every chapter (can you tell I've got trouble keeping up with fics, lmfao?) but either way, "His Star - His Queen" is deservedly on this list!

Note: This fic includes non-consensual sexual content

❦

Judgement by the Hounds [by @septembersummer] on AO3 - Gortash x The Dark Urge ❦ Plot: A look into the relationship of The Dark Urge (Seren) and Gortash, from their first meeting up to their shared end. "The rise and fall of the worst situationship of all time" indeed.

This one I actually finished (very slay), though I'm not sure I actually processed it. I went through all five stages of grief reading this and I'm not even sure I can say anything without spoiling the entire premise. Dear author, you have written possibly the most captivating and enchanting portrayal of Durge and Gortash & though I knew how it would end, I was wishing for a happy end through it all. There's nothing to say about this, other than it was utter perfection.

❦

Miscellaneous One Shot recommendations:

legacy with no memory by @discordsmuse on AO3 - Gortash x The Dark Urge The Weight of A Promise by @sserpente on tumblr [Part 2 is equally good!] - Gortash x Tav/OC kiddo. by @avocado-writing on tumblr. - Gortash & OC

to have and to hold by @littlejuicebox on tumblr. - Astarion x Tav

choices. by @deadtired-highkeyenergetic on tumblr - Astarion x Tav

how to win a custody battle in one easy step. by alltears on AO3 - Astarion x Tav

Dangerous by NaeveTheWizard on AO3 - Astarion x The Dark Urge

❦

Honourable Mentions:

I'm also giving a shout-out to @avani-telvanni & @infernaldaydreams, because while neither have written fanfiction I could recommend, I am obsessed with their respective artworks for Tav x Gortash/Durge x Gortash. You guys are absolutely amazing and I'm conistently in awe of what you create. You deserve all the recognition you receive and more 💕

Hogwarts Legacy Fic rec's: a very short list, but two are dear to me nonetheless!

Victory [by @jonquil] on AO3 - Victor Rookwood x Original Female Character ❦ Plot: Victor Rookwood is enraptured by the new, ancient-magic-wielding student attending Hogwarts - and Victor Rookwood always comes out on top.

Technically I started reading "Victory" in 2023, when it first came out, alas, it was finished earlier this year and I couldn't help but include it, because it remains one of my favourite fanfiction ever. To me, it's the best fictionalisation of "Enemies to Lovers" in a long time, as I was rooting for the villain to win from start to finish. From the wonderful characterisation of Rookwood to the alternative canon timeline and ultimately the victory of the villain - there's nothing like it and I was hooked from start to finish. I am still sad it's over, but I'm excited to read the prequel (as soon as I get to it, lmfao), because I know it'll be equally spectacular!

Note: This fic contains non-consensual sexual content.

❦

Invisible String [by @legacygirlingreen] on tumblr (though it can be found on both AO3 and wattpad too!) - Sebastian Sallow x Reader ❦ Plot: In an alternative, victorian-attitude-compliant timeline, Sebastian Sallow falls for the new fifth-year. This story explores the sweet beginnings of a tender love amidst hardships and battles ahead.

Admittedly, this is possibly the most biased fic rec ever, but I stand behind it nonetheless. While this fic started in March of last year & brought me and my platonic soulmate May, aka legacygirlingreen, together, it remains my favourite Sebastian Sallow fic to this day. The amount of love, time and creativity May put into this has me in awe time and time again. The sweet and tender love the two protagonists experience is perfectly fluffy and slice-of-life, yet the alternative version of the canon events of Hogwarts Legacy add the perfect amount of drama and action. I will always come back to this fic, because yes - It is that good.

[storiesofleftoverghosts]

I Remember Everything || Leon Kennedy

pairings: Leon Kennedy x GN!Reader

warnings: hurt/no comfort, breaking up, alcoholism, semi-toxic relationship, Leon hates himself, reader has alcoholic father, no y/n is used.

word count: 2182

requested: nope!

a/n: i'm a yapper so this is gonna be long LMFAO. honestly i didn't have any specific leon in mind when i wrote this so... anyway i recently gave y'all fluff but i think it's time for angst. this is very heavily inspired by "I Remember Everything" by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves. even if you don't like country, i'd recommend listening to it while reading this.

Sitting in a dive bar on a Wednesday night had become Leon's sense of normal over the years. It didn’t matter the day actually. If he wasn't on some life threatening mission for the government who didn't care about his well-being, he was at the bar. It was pathetic. He knew that better than anybody. Men his age were married and drinking with their friends. Some had at least two kids by now. He couldn't help but think of how he could have had that with you.

If only he didn't ruin everything he fucking touched. Maybe you both would be happy right now if he hadn't crossed paths with you.

Nursing his whiskey glass, he sipped on the caramel colored liquid. Rot gut whiskey usually helped ease his mind on nights like this. He didn’t enjoy how awful it tasted, but it was his choice of poison. It’s what he deserved, right? The cheap liquor burnt going down, and the aftertaste made him want to gag. Reality had seemed to be the thing he had trouble swallowing the most in the moment.

Memories of you had begun to trickle back into his mind as he continued to drink. Was it too much to ask the universe to cut him some slack for one god damn night? He thought about you enough as it is when he was sober. 

He was specifically thinking about one of the first dates you both had gone on. Driving home in your old pick up truck from the beach with the windows down. Sitting in the passenger seat gave him the best view. The summer breeze danced with your hair as the sun seemed to highlight all of his favorite features on you. Your smile somehow was brighter than the sun as you sang along to some cheesy pop song on the radio. Beautiful wasn’t even a word that could cover how he thought of you in the moment. Emotions he thought he would never feel again overwhelmed him, and before he knew it, warm tears had begun to form in the corner of his eyes.

“Are you crying babe?” You had asked while turning down the radio. Concern was written all over your features. Sometimes you gave him a run for his money with how observant you were. His piercing blue eyes were glossed over before he turned his attention to whatever was passing outside the window. Quickly he cleared his throat as heat creeped up the back of his neck. 

“Yeah. You still got sand in your hair and it blew into my eyes.” Both of you knew it was an excuse, but you didn’t pry any deeper into the subject. You had learned your lesson about trying to make Leon communicate his emotions with you. Besides, he had the mentality that grown men don’t cry. How could he explain that he was crying out of joy and in awe of your beauty? Thinking of explaining that had made him cringe at the time. 

God he used to give you so much shit about that truck. It was on the older side, and he had offered multiple times to get you a new one. But you were too stubborn and would shoot the offer down. That truck was your pride and joy. Now he would give anything to drive around with you in that pick up truck one more time. 

Another memory seemed to taunt him and rub salt into his open wound. Late night talks sitting on your beatdown basement couch together, your head in his lap as he played with your hair. You’d tell him stories about your family, like when your mother had run off from your father and pawned her wedding ring. Something about how she couldn’t take your fathers drinking anymore. His soothing fingers running through your hair would comfort you, and he swore to you that he’d never turn out like that. 

It tore him up to think how he wouldn’t be the man that he always swore to you he would be.

Glass clinking snapped him out of his pity party. Another whiskey glass was in front of him. The bartender gave him a small nod before focusing his attention on another patron. Leon bit the inside of his lip once he realized the man hadn't even had to ask Leon if he wanted another one. He had grown used to Leon's company in that same damn barstool he sat in every time. Knowing that only made Leon sink deeper into his self hatred. His eyes flicked down to the drink before lifting it to his lips, and took another drink. 

The bitter taste of the alcohol paired with a cheesy pop song in the background, the same one you blasted all the time, brought one final bitter memory to him. When he broke up with you, or more like when you broke up with him. Funny enough, it happened right here at the same bar, at the same barstool. He might have been wasted when it happened, but he remembered everything about that night.

You had come into the bar looking for him one night. The bar was almost closed so when he heard the door open, it had caught his attention. The moment his eyes laid eyes on you, he knew he was in deep shit. You were constantly telling him how you refused to step foot in a bar. Going as far to say you’d rather eat glass than be around the smell of alcohol and alcoholics. Normally he’d remind you that not everyone who went to a bar was an alcoholic, but here he was, proving your point. There was practically a trailblaze of fire behind you as you stomped your way toward him. Steam was leaving your ears and he began to mentally prepare himself for what was about to happen.

“What the hell Leon?!” Glaring at him, you crossed your arms. Anger was practically dripping off your tone. Empty glasses were sitting around him. He couldn’t meet your gaze which only pissed you off more. You hadn’t heard from him in days. Three fucking days to be exact. You knew he hadn’t been sent off to do a mission. He would always give you a kiss goodbye and promise he’d make it back to you. Now you were questioning if his promises meant anything.

“Don’t do this here. Just let me finish this drink, and we can go do this.. somewhere else.” His disinterested voice slurred as he traced the rim of his glass. You felt your blood begin to boil. A teensy tiny part of you felt bad for him. Leon had seen horrific things, not that he would give you the full picture of things. It didn’t take a genius to know that Leon was a broken man. But you didn't care about that. 

For the past couple of months, he had been acting cold towards you. Less and less would he tell you how much he loved you. His fuse was shorter with you, and most of the time you guys were arguing about stupid things. It felt like you were constantly walking on eggshells around him. No matter how much you tried to talk to him about the issues in your relationship, he ignored you. Ignorance was bliss was his mindset about things like this. Not to mention, you had noticed he had been drinking more heavily. Stumbling to your place late at night, too drunk to even stand correctly had become something that happened at least three times a week. You couldn’t stand alcohol and he knew it. Not answering you for three days was the final straw for you.

“No, fuck that! We’re gonna do this here,” You slammed your hands down on the bar. For a moment that seemed to have gotten his attention before he returned back to his unbothered facade. Your hands were stinging from how hard you had slammed down.

“You’re drinking everything in sight to ease your mind, but just when the hell are you gonna help ease mine? Do you know how fucking worried I’ve been?!” You yelled at him, clenching your jaw.. Leon rolled his eyes and shook his head. Luckily there was only one person at the bar, the bartender. The bartender took it as a sign to go get more stock.

“Did ya think that maybe you’re the reason I’m drinkin’? All you do is bitch at me all the time. It’s…It’s like nails on a chalkboard every time I hear you talk.” He waved a finger at you. His pupils were dilated, and you could smell the alcohol coming off of him. His drunken words stung, and there was a flash of hurt written on your face. Even when you two were arguing, he never talked to you like this. Guess strange words come out of a grown man’s mouth when his mind’s broken.

“Are you being serious right now?” Your voice broke towards the end of your sentence. He didn’t respond, and only stared at you like you were an idiot. The audacity he had to say that astounded you. Drunk words were a sober man’s thoughts or however the saying went. You were reminded of the way your father would talk to your mom, and a feeling of disgust washed over you. The man you loved was starting to become like the man you hated. Your anger dissipated as tranquility took its place. You knew what you had to do.

“You know what? I’m done.” You had sounded so unbothered as you removed your hands from the bar. Like if you were talking about the state of the weather and not ending your relationship. Leon raised an eyebrow. Did he hear you right? Were you doing what he thought you were doing?

“I love you and I understand you have your issues. But I have enough self respect for myself to realize I deserve better than being treated like garbage.” Hearing your words seemed to sober him up. He quickly got off the barstool, stumbling a little as he did. You watched him with a strange look in your eyes. Looking back at it now, he realized that it was a look of pity.

“Baby. You don’t mean that.” He chuckled before searching your face for any signs that you were joking. Much to his dismay, your lips were pressed in a thin line. He reached out to try and grab your hands but you had pulled them away. Your eyes were devoid of that warmth you usually had whenever he looked into them. That’s when it hit him that he had fucked up for the last time.

“Do me a favor and call yourself a cab. Seems like the bars’ closing soon.” A disappointed sigh managed to escape from you as you turned away. Part of you wanted to personally drive him home but that would only hurt you in the long run. These were the consequences of his actions. That’s what you had to tell yourself as he began to plead you to stay.

“Please don’t do this. Can’t you just stay? Please love, don’t leave me.” He called out to you. He would have begged you to stay till the sun rose, you knew that. You’ve never heard someone sounding so desperate, let alone Leon sounding so desperate. Maybe it was how much alcohol he had consumed. Maybe it was the fact that he knew he was losing you. It made you hesitate for a moment but you continued to walk.

Deep down you knew if you stayed, you wouldn’t be able to leave. It would be a never ending restless cycle of Leon getting drunk and saying hurtful shit, you wanting to leave, him begging you not to, etc. You weren’t going to be like your mother. Desperate pleas fell on deaf ears as you finally stepped out of the bar, disappearing into the night and his life.

“Time to go home. Bar’s closed.” The bartender told him which snapped him out of his thoughts once last time. It didn’t feel like that much time had passed since he was given another drink, but the time on his watch proved him wrong. When it came to you he always lost track of time. Every time he sat down on this barstool he thought about you. Why he had kept coming back here, he didn’t know. Mostly it was a way of punishing himself. For letting you walk away and being too much of a coward to not change for you.

He paid his tab and left a tip for the bartender. Mumbling a good night, he made his way out the door. The cool night air felt nice against his flushed skin, yet it only made him miss you more. Cursing out his brain for the painful reminder, he called a cab before waiting for it to come. 

God he wished he didn’t but he did remember every moment (the good and the bad) on those summer nights with you.

[laurrelise]

saw your tua post about five i dont go here but i need to know did they pull an incest again. is that why everyones mad or did the ship just suck

ok so i’m assuming you’re talking about season 4!! i’ll leave this part very vague and spoiler free and if you don’t mind more specific spoilers (only about the ship, not about the actual end of the season) than check under the cut! :)

ok so not incest this time. the ship just reeeeeally sucks because it’s not only out of character but it ruined multiple arcs and relationships.

unhinged angry explanation of my least favorite part about season 4 below the cut!! (beware: yapping)

ok hi again! so five and lila get together. they fall for each other after they get stuck between timelines in this alternate dimension subway station thing, and they spend 7 years trying to find their way back home.

it turns out that lila was only doing it to survive because she needed something to hold onto while five, having been through this once before, had fallen head over heels for her.

he withholds information that can take them home for 6 months and lila is pissed and tells him it wasn’t real because she wants to get home to diego and her children, and five tells her that she knows she’s happier between timelines with him, blah blah blah it’s a whole thing.

five reluctantly goes back with lila and it’s really awkward and he’s pissed at diego (even though it was LITERALLY NEVER HIS FAULT) because lila is clearly still in love with him. they argue a little, lila gets between them, diego suspects something’s going on and asks, and then the truth unfolds and he’s (REASONABLY) heartbroken. it’s really sad to watch tbh

anyways then the end of the world starts to happen once again and i won’t go into specific spoilers for that because it would take WAY too long but basically five and diego are beating the shit out of each other and five literally outright says “i wanna fucking kill him” and lila tells him that it’s over between them and he goes and sulks because he was truly in love blah blah blah blah blah. anyways

it ends with five and diego hating each other. and it’s really fucking frustrating. and i really don’t mind what people ship for the most part, but this specific ship pissed me the fuck off because it should NOT have been canon. in my mind it still isn’t canon because this whole season sucked ass and i refuse to accept it as real.

you’re telling me five hargreeves, the man who survived for 45+ years with the single goal to save his family gave up on them after 7 years with the only other person around because he fell for her? why the hell was this necessary? why did the writers do this bro 😭 that is not the five i spent 3 seasons absolutely cherishing. i refuse to accept it

but also you’re telling me that the entire show ends with five hating diego and diego hating him?????? this entire season was SO out of character for the both of them but i STILL can’t get over (and will absolutely NEVER get over) that the writers really thought they could get away with the hargreeves despising each other like this. so pissed about this season omfg

so not only was the ship problematic for age differences on BOTH ends (fives body was 19 but lila’s was 36ish, probably older, while fives mind was 64 while she was AGAIN 36ish???? like how did they manage to make it pedophilic on both ends bro lmfao) (and do not even get me STARTED on the age differences of the actors and the fact that this has clearly been planned since aidan was a very young minor and the writers were waiting around for him to become 18 so it would be legal like fucking creeps) but it also involved cheating / homewrecking (with family no less) as well as multiple relationships ruined. i LOVED five and diego as a duo before. why the FUCK was this necessary *i scream from the rooftops*

anyways sorry for my chronic yapping, that is all.

i hate five x lila, have a good day.

[tired-biscuit]

not to ruin the vibe, but genuinely asking where do you find a man like mr biscuit who's that compatible to you, interested in you as a human being in general, because sometimes i look at the specimen of my age where i live and i get so disappointed in humanity lol, majority of men seem like garbage. so probably no hope for me and most women ig? sorry if this is too negative lol

no worries, i completely get what you mean because my ex was an asshole, but i do think that most men aren’t as awful as we make them out to be.

in my experience, they just take a longer time to open up usually and to become more willing with showing their emotions and acting lovey-dovey and all that cute stuff, idk? like, actually showing who they really are, you know? love tends to make them SO cute!

i mean, i didn’t think i was that compatible with mr. biscuit either at the start. he seemed pretty ‘basic’ just a standard guy and all that, but i genuinely believe that years of being in a relationship have shaped him to fit me just like they’ve shaped me for the same reason, and have given him the chance to let his personality and goofiness and all that good stuff shine through.

you just have to give them a chance and actually communicate with them and build your relationship and be patient, i guess… yeah, some experiences may turn sour but there’s still a possibility that one may blossom into something nice and wonderful! that’s why i didn’t lose hope at finding someone good for myself even after being cheated on by my previous partner.

it’s good to have standards of course, but nobody is perfect, you know? i’m not saying that you should settle for less, but there is normally no white knight in shining armor that you should be waiting on. men aren’t perfect; sometimes you should accept a minor flaw and focus on the good in them instead — if that flaw really is minor and not toxic, you know what i mean.

either that, or it’s because he’s an european farmer, lmfao!

[notcelexymoon]

Literally mentally unstable drama.

Okay so there's this guy same age as me let's just call him T. Yeah, so T used to be my first and last male best friend. I was really depressed and emo in school with no friends because i never fit in and used to cry a lot and get yelled at and T is my only friend during my not-peak-phase life. So, many time after, he told me he likes me but i don't like him and he doesn't exactly show any weird behavior or signs of it and i still stuck being his friend despite him liking me and many classrooms shipping me with him, i was very uncomfortable by that.

Soon, he told me he has to moved away and i gave and introduced him my and to discord after that we talk a little in discord and all, i introduced him to a server called Leafy.gg with members that are quite offensive (normal discord members)

i have really good reputation in that server being an active member but then T, he leaked my real life name, my face, my school to them. not sure as a joke or something but he just said to them that this is my name and then quickly, Leafy.gg members mocked me with my name jokingly but i was really sad and mad that T leaked my information. He didn't say sorry or whatever. i told him to stop and after that incident, i told Leafy.gg members that i'm quitting discord. of course, i had no friends that time and T just ruined my relationship with everyone.

after like 2 years, Leafy.g server went very dead and not active that makes me think that i was the reason most of them are active plus i saw that a lot of active members' account was deleted. I texted T again and i still remembered everything that happened and with no apology or nothing, he just said he missed me and all but after that, i just ghosted them. he keeps on texting me and i keeps on ghosting.

suddenly, he gave me his phone number which i don't have, i decided to not contacted him instead i gave his phone number to my friends in a new server named Bocchism, a server full of Bocchi the Rock fans, i was one. Basically, we just talked to him for fun and Bageto tried to fake being me,

My friends, Bageto, texted him and stuffs went out. he has phone numbers with my school friends even after he moved away, keep this in mind, he told Bageto and Weif, my other friend who helped contacting him, my information again but it's fine because Bageto and Weif didn't leak that information to the whole server.

anyways, we invited him to Bocchism for fun and i text him on discord again, i told him to say he's sorry and he said nope. NOPE? anyways, he then started attacking me by threatening that he will call the police when it's technically all of his fault. then he told me he already send it to his lawyer and his dad's friend who is a royal police or whatever and i was literally cringing by how fake that is. and soon, he send a picture of him with a glass of water and a fuck finger saying it's vodka LMFAO anyways, i told him he was underage and THAT IS NOT VODKA. he told me "just do whatever you want" and I told him "yeah i wanna eat fuck up" and BOOM, by the way, forgot to add this, first thing that he said to me, technically not me because it was bageto who is faking to be me, was that HE MISSED ME and HE WANTS TO DATE? SERIOUSLY AFTER ALL OF THIS, he don't say he's sorry and he just said he want to date like nothing happened??? i don't know what's wrong with me but i just wanna live peacefully with any guy stalking me and then JUST YESTERDAY, he got a picture of my face DURING GRADUATION that my school friends send him??!! i unblock him for a sec and typed in stuffs like lemme just-

Yes, i said a very cringe thing.

that's all, don't take this too seriously i better not see someone say "just report this to the police" no, i don't wanna do that because I'M A MINOR and i don't want someone i know get to focking jail he is the same age as me

[oodlyenough]

anyway here's some power of the doctor thoughts from someone who phased in and out of thirteen's era very casually and only saw like a cumulative 10 episodes of it, maybe

honestly i enjoyed it more-or-less/more than i expected, lol, maybe because i had no particular expectations riding on it i just wanted to see what would happen. i don't think it was the tightest or most coherent script but no showrunner's finale ever has been LMAO so... it is what it is.

the master's entire plan seemed overly convoluted and i don't entirely follow why we had half the plot elements we had, but i'm also always willing to accept the master doing fuckshit for reasons that don't really go beyond wanting to ruin the doctor's day and get their attention. so like. sure. i can roll w that lmfao. the daleks and cyberman stuff seemed totally superfluous too but... whatever idc

dhawan's master isn't my fave master but he's enjoyable to watch, imo. the most bonkers one of the 3 modern i think? which considering the competition is a high bar, lol.

i think a bigger crit, for me, of 13-era master is more on jodie's end, where i don't get as much conflict and whatnot from her, which in turn makes it a less interesting dynamic than the other modern master+doctor combos. the push-pull mutual obsession is what makes them fun! i don't believe 13 would cradle his body sobbing and begging him to regenerate after he tortured her for a year, so really, what's the point

it was nice seeing ace and tegan. i think i maybe once saw a serial with each but it was so long ago, so i won't pretend any kind of authority in terms of how they were written. but i liked having them around lol

i think it was a bit of an odd choice to have dhawan 'take over' the doctor's body or ...whatever... in jodie's very last episode. it would've been a better showcase for jodie whittaker, and accomplished the same basic plan, if somehow HE regenerated into HER, and jodie got to play both the doctor and the master. ah well, because...

i really liked the old doctor cameos! I was not spoiled for it at all and i thought it was very sweet, especially giving five+tegan and seven+ace their moments together.i'm sure the actors appreciated a chance to be together too. just nice :) and i love my man eight lmao... king

also the mishmash outfit of all the past doctor outfits was cute

i thought the "tag you're it" line was a cute ending line! (although it would've been better if she regenerated into ncuti ...lol. i'm sure it was written and acted long before they settled on the 60th plans so i guess it can't be helped.)

the big downside to me was: yaz and thasmin

thasmin isn't a ship i'm invested in personally but i did start watching again after they canonized yaz's feelings in EOTD because i was like oh, how far will the show go with this? and the answer is apparently "nowhere". LOTSD felt totally unresolved and then we just never brought it up again. i can live without a kiss or a happily ever after, but when you've spent nearly a year patting yourselves on the back for a queer doctor/companion relationship, only to not do the barest minimum to address it, that's fucked up. why canonize your accidental-by-admission subtext if you're not going to DO ANYTHING? sorry to the shippers who really got jerked around by this show for no reason.

and then, even setting aside that irritation, the most egregious thing of all...

yaz's exit. just absolutely flabbergasted they did yaz/mandip so dirty that they didn't even TRY to come up with and articulate a reason for her to leave. ludicrous!!! she spends her whole time swallowing her feelings for the doctor's comfort and that extends all the way to leaving because the doctor kicked her out with nary a hug? what the fuck? one of the longest running companions ever and this is the sendoff she gets, kicked out because the doctor decides, sans explanation, she "needs to be alone" to regenerate despite having regenerated with many companions prior? lmao... yaz sweetie i'm so sorry. she doesn't even get to give the speech to the companion support group. my god. martha jones you need to call her up immediately

[volchyayagoda]

me being annoying about a fictional man for a minute

i really don't care if ppl like jiang cheng or not but oh my god his haters are fucking annoying. i won't even get into how badly they interpret his rship with wwx EXCEPT 2 SAY that ppl calling jiang cheng an abuser is such an absurd and willfully stupid reading that it makes me scream. so much of it is hardcore projection mixed with ultra woobification of wwx lmfao i wish people could just accept that not every complicated and/or bad relationship is abusive. the text makes it soooo insanely clear that their rship is broken and messy bc of mistakes they both made and things that were also outside of their control like the fucking big bads orchestrating catastrophic events that ruined their fucking lives lmfao

ANYWAY

the thing i saw that made me black out was someone saying they refused to believe jc actually helped raise jin ling and that he was raised mostly by jin guangyao which lol. lmao. jgy himself remarks that jc "loves [jin ling] the most", and it's stated that jin ling spends half the year w jc and half w jgy. jc is protective of jl to a fault, spoils him, and proves several times over that he'd rather die than let anything happen to him, and is the person who protects and looks out for his best interests post-canon. and jin ling Adores him lmao like you can hate jiang cheng all you want, but it's plain text that he's a loving uncle and guardian, and his best rship in the series is with jin ling. i think what kills me about this in particular is that these same people insist that if you "actually read the books", you'll know that jc is an evil abuser, and then apparently get amnesia about all the things in the books that contradict their headass takes.

jc stans can be fucking annoying and pretend that he has no flaws and woobify him and that ALSO sucks and i hate them, too. if people don't stop boiling him down to a stupid one dimensional caricature of himself i am going to start biting.

anyway the point here is that i'm right and everyone else is wrong and they don't know how to fucking read. the end

[tabl3]

Lab Rats Ask Game

by @texanmarcusdavenport (your name and bio made me spit water lmfao)

⛵️ Favorite ship? Least favorite ship? (Doesn't have to be romantic.)

Romantic:

-Chase/Kaz, Bree/Skylar, Leo/Logan, Tecton/Megahertz, Horace/Bridges

Platonic:

-DAVENPORT SIBLINGS (love their dynamic. I have three siblings of my own and it’s too accurate lol)

- MM trio (nuff said lmao)

- EF (done correctly)

Least Favorite:

- Incest (obviously)

- Kaziver/Chaziver (no hate to those who ship it :) just not my cup of tea)

👀 Characters whose relationship you wish was more explored?

- Leo, Logan, and Taylor (next gen spinoff fr)

- Leo and Kaz

- Kaz and Skylar

- Kaz and Bree

- Chase and Oliver (literally the copy homework but change it up a lil bit meme)

- Skylar and Chase

- Adam and Skylar (bff material fr)

- Jordan with literally anyone (love she)

- Techertz (gay old men. the end.)

- Chase and Taylor (I have a comic in the works of them setting up Leogan. they 100 percent would meddle lol)

- Bree and Taylor

- Adam and Logan

- Horace and the trio

💥 Favorite crack ship / characters that never met in canon but would've been best friends if they had?

- Spark and Reese (idk why. I cannot remember who did the incorrect quote that implanted the brainworm but)

🐀 Favorite season of Lab Rats? Least favorite?

- 1 and 2 :) (1 was so cute, and Douglas/Marcus as antagonist were really entertaining in 2)

- 4 (said almost everyone lol)

🏥 Lab Rats or Mighty Med?

- both

🏳️‍🌈 Favorite LGBT+/neurodivergent headcanon?

Idk tbh lol, so here’s a few of mine:

- Chase: bi disaster, trans, autistic, OCD, insomnia

- Bree: pan, ADHD (hyperactive)

- Kaz: gay, ADHD (switches between hyperactive and inattentive), dyscalculia

- Skylar: lesbian

- Oliver: trans, OCD, monophobia

- Adam: aro/ace, ADHD (inattentive), dyslexia, dyscalculia 

- Leo: queer

- Tasha: bi

- Douglas: bi, OCD (maybe schizophrenic. not sure on that yet)

- Marcus: aro/ace (some form of nd lol)

- Daniel: also nd in some way (it’s genetic lol)

- Taylor: lesbian

- Logan: gay

- Horace: ADHD

- Alan: aro/ace, OCD

- Jordan: aro/ace

- Gus: omnisexual, autistic

- Tecton: bi

- Megahertz: gay

- Solar Flare: lesbian, nonverbal

- Gamma Girl: lesbian

📖 An AU/fanfic idea you'd love to see but don't have the motivation to write?

- literally my whole rewrite lmao (i have the motivation but this timeline is murder help)

💭 Favorite headcanon overall?

- soooo many. one that’s fun is Oliver literally never being spared from walking in on horrors lol

🔥 Hot take/unpopular opinion?

- not sure how unpopular this is, but Bree is written poorly. she can have more personality than just “girl”

❤️ Favorite character? Least favorite character?

- EF (in character), Horace, Adam, Leo, Tasha, Jordan (Wallace and Clyde are fun too)

- not sure on the least fav

- actually EF Oliver lol

⏱️ When did you start watching Lab Rats?

- 10 years ago (I’m an og baby let’s goooooo)

🟢 Any crossover ideas? Are there any shows you think would've made a better crossover than Lab Rats/Mighty Med?

- okokokok, hear me out.... how about a crossover between two hit sitcoms: Mighty Med & Lab Rats, BUT we don’t ruin the characters? I know it sounds like madness

🎼 What songs do you relate to the characters/ show?

- Bloodpop (Davenport Family)

- Feel Invincible (MM trio)

- Waiting for the End (EF)

- start//end (for my Decimation work)

- Dollhouse (Davenport Family)

- Training Wheels/ Line Without a Hook/ Sweater Weather/ I Like Me Better/ Mirrors (Chaz)

- Tongue Tied/ Everybody Talks/ Falling For U/ she/ sofia (Brylar)

- Gasoline (Adam, Bree, Chase)

there’s like a billion more but I’m tired atm lol (drawing and writing causes one to make playlists haha)

🟠 Which character is the most like you? Which character is the least like you?

Most:

- really when I write I heavily project to all of them lol, but probably Chase in canon. I’m the thirdborn, autistic, OCD, and super sensitive to light, sound, smells, etc. (I’m also the “smart one” too lmao)

Least:

- Idk really lol

[erabundus]

@obedientmade &&. said... Random positivity ask! I've always loved Scaramouche as a character. He's gone through so much, is very complex in all facets, and has always generally intrigued me. We haven't interacted much yet, but Ren has to be, without a doubt, easily one of my favorite interpretations/portrayals I've seen of him. I love reading the intricacies of your writing, your headcanons, and just seeing how much clear thought and effort you've put into one of my most beloved Genshin characters, and how you've so uniquely made him your own. Ren is such a lovely little meow meow and I would die for him actually. His relationship with momijiba's Kazuha also has had me going from laughing, to smiling at how sweet they can be, to suffering from angst lmfao. Thank you for bringing such wonderful, endlessly entertaining interactions to my dash, because I've enjoyed every single one and I absolutely look forward to interacting with you myself further in the future!

THIS  IS  SO  SWEET!  ����i  think  i've  probably  mentioned  it  before,  but  scaramouche  was  the  entire  reason  why  i  started  playing  genshin  to  begin  with.  (  fellow  scara  enjoyer  —  excellent  taste,  i  am  shaking  your  hand.  )  i've  always  just  thought  he  was  neat  and  really  entertaining  to  watch,  even  when  we  only  had  a  grand  total  of  six  minutes  of  screentime  to  go  off  of.  i  actually  forced  myself  to  stop  writing  him  for  a  really  long  time  because  i  would  come  up  with  a  ton  of  ideas,  only  to  have  them  all  totally  ruined  six  months  later  when  we  got  a  new  crumb  of  lore.  after  a  while,  i  decided  i  would  only  write  him  again  once  he  was  actually  confirmed  playable  and  we  finally  knew  what  his  entire  deal  was  because  i  love!  coming  up  with  super  detailed  headcanons!  character  analysis  is  one  of  my  favorite  things  about  writing.  i'm  just  endlessly  fascinated  by  taking  what  canon  has  dropped  in  my  lap  and  reverse-engineering  it  to  figure  out  how  a  particular  muse  ticks.

and  ren  has  been  SUCH  a  fun  muse!  i've  written  on  tumblr  for  an  embarrassingly  long  time,  but  i  can't  recall  ever  having  this  degree  of  brainrot  for  a  single  character  before.  even  after  a  whole  year  of  this  blog,  i  still  feel  super  excited  whenever  i  know  i  have  a  bunch  of  drafts  or  asks  to  get  to  because  i  just  really  love  writing  him!  and  there  are  so  many  talented  people  here  that  i  feel  so  fortunate  to  write  with  —  milla  is  most  definitely  one  of  them.  (  honestly,  they  deserve  endless  praise  in  their  own  right. they're just as passionate about kazuha AND they tolerate my brainrot SKVSK  )  writing  kazuren  has  been  a  blast,  and  i'm  so  so  excited  to  see  where  they  go  from  here.

thank  you  so  much  for  the  kind  words!  i'm  really  glad  to  know  other  people  enjoy  my  silly  little  ramblings  and  i'm  looking  forward  to  interacting  with  you  as  well!  

[silkiemae]

Wing & Arrow by Piper CJ

warning: there are spoilers

I really don’t even understand what the point of this novella was, tbh with you. To give a bad representation of group dynamics? Gay men? Women in the army? There’s not one moment where we ever really get to know any of the characters in this little novella. All we know is that they all want to fuck one another. 

We start with Zaccai and Briar in bed. Briar is expressing interest in another soldier who is up for a promotion. She complains that she’s not allowed to sleep with people in her unit because then the dating pool would be so much larger. This honestly makes women in the military look so bad. Like she's only there to bone the whole army. It's never really expanded on why she decided to join the army in the first place, she merely is interested in fucking the battalion. The only other woman introduced in this short story is immediately suspected of basically the same thing. Gadriel sees her and assumes she has a crush on him or on 'military life', meaning she's basically an army groupie. That's a terrible way to depict women in the army, considering all of the women who are assaulted in the army all the time.

Briar suggests they add a third to their dynamic. This guy name Wren gets introduced, and they play fuck, marry, kill(bed, wed, behead), and would you rather. They get drunk and then bone. There is literally not even porn without a plot in this there’s not even badly-written sex to entertain me. I'm genuinely wondering why this was even written in the first place. You don't need to publish every single word you barf out, Piper. 

The funniest part about fuck marry kill is one of the options is the All-Mother and knowing that Piper literally commissioned a portrait of herself as the All-Mother just really ramps up her narc status in my eyes. Like, wow, let's portray myself as the goddess of my own book series. Okay. 

They play truth or dare. Wren has never been with a man alone before, so Briar dares Wren and Zaccai to sleep with each other while she watches and again, there’s a big nothing burger to this. Then Briar gets sent away to the front lines leaving Wren and Zaccai to continue their relationship alone. Again, there is nothing. No conversations between the two. No expansion of their relationship. We’re just told they fuck without kissing. (Wow, another terrible depiction of gay men.)

Then Briar returns, and Wren is pissed; he thought they’d ‘moved past her’. He tells Gadriel he thought "he saw him for him" (wtf does that even mean?) when he has literally never expressed interest in changing the dynamic to just the two of them. Like, did he just assume because Briar was gone, she would be naturally phased out?? Wtf? 

Briar dumps Zaccai, and then it’s revealed that Wren actually volunteered Briar to go to the front lines so he could have Zaccai to himself, and so they could sleep together without Briar. Zaccai gets pissed, calls this the most vile crime he has everheard of and has Wren arrested and imprisoned. Then years later, he sees Briar with her new husband, and that’s it.

That’s all that happens in this story. Don't know if Zaccai ever saw Wren again. Don't know if Wren was executed all because Zaccai's dick was so good. Don't understand what Zaccai saw in Briar in the first place for him to be so fascinated by her. This was a nothing burger. This was a waste of time and valuable paper. 

Zaccai’s dick was so good that Wren ruined his whole life for it LMFAO. 

Also, Piper. Dredges do not mean what you think it does. You mean dregs. Dredges is a literal verb; it means to clear something or bring something up, like dredging up a memory. Dregs are the remnants of a liquid in a container. That’s the one you meant to use. You probably should’ve gotten an EDITOR but I know you’re allergic to those.

[stray-ghost]

🍓 5-10-15-20-25-30-35-40-55-60-65-70 🍓

Whoa big batch of questions this gonna be a long post :000 Time for a rainbow >:]

5 - What's your relationship status? Single. Very single. But not looking either

10 - When was your last physical fight? Middle school, only lasted a second tho. Bully tried to threaten me, I tried to grab her throat instinctively, she backed off with fear in her eyes.

15 - Do you have any pets? YES!! A bunny named Sunny

20 - Where was the last place you snogged someone? My bedroom

25 - Do you miss anyone from your past? My old pet bunny :( I think I'm okay with everyone else I lost. Maybe my grandpa but I didn't know him well.

30 - What's irritating your right now? PMS, mysterious tummy aches, and a mild cold. :'D

35 - Who was the last person you cried in front of? Uuuh. Sunny bun. Or Kiki (online friend)

40 - Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Nooouppp. Unless I was a toddler and can't remember.

55 - Are you mean? Depends on who you ask, probably. I try to be kind but do always manage. I don't think I initiate it, tho.

60 - Do you wanna get married? Yeah, sounds fun tbh! Committed to your best friend and lover, going through life together. Im aro/ace tho sooo-

65 - Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? LMFAO this has been my past few years actually!! We entertained the idea of dating, but I'm too aro for it, and we're too close to try ruin it with forcing something. So we're very close friends still. They do still have feelings though, last we talked about it.

70 - Is there anyone you would die for? Realistically, all my close friends without doubt and most animals (would jump in front of a car to save a dog). A select few of my family as well.

Ty for asking ily 🍓 :>> it also made a perfect rainbow ehehehehehe

[jujuubee]

Sometimes I see things or rmemeber something randomnly and I get this overwhelming urge to reach out to you…tell you how much I miss you, ask what’s been going on in your life, send you fucked up shit like I used to. But it’s just not my place to be your friend anymore. i respect the fact you don’t want me aroudn anymore and so I’m just waiting, I guess for forever until you one day decide that this is stupid. Bc what else am I gonna do lmfao. It’s incredibly painful to lose someone that was so foundational to who you are as a person. So much of the good in me came from you, bc you taught me how to be a normal person. & now it’s like, the last 10 years I just compare everyone to you. But no one can ever meet that standard bc I have you on such a fucking pedestal. You’re the only person I’ve never hated, disliked, been disgusted by. & that’s why it hurts even more lmfao. I would’ve never done this to you. Prob anyone else but not you. & I don’t get how you can do it so easily. And even still I don’t hate you or dislike you I just understand. It hurts my feelings but I understand. I’m always hoping that one day you’ll wake up and want to fix things. Life is just very empty without your presence & even tho I fucjed up I know you feel the same. Never thought we’d be here, only getting updates about each other through the grapevine. Even the happy birthday text was just a fucjing hollow considering every year you were in LA we FaceTimed on our birthdays for fucjing 8 hours. So what does a text even mean compared to that. But I’m happy I even got one bc I don’t deserve even that. It’s crazy to be torn between validating that I never deserve to talk to you again & also feeling that I can be forgiven & we can work on this bc that’s what real friends do. We’re not even friends we’re fucming family like. There’s so much I have to tell you, from my own mouth, not mutual friends we’re missing out on so much of each others lives, big fucking moments & like what’s the point of it. Why is it so difficult to just confront the problem. That’s the worst fuckign thing about you, you’d rather run away & pretend shit doesn’t exist rather than dealing w it. And I get it, but for something so major like…man up. You always made me man tf up so why can’t you. In 2 fucming years you still haven’t figured out what to say? Like come on…I don’t know if I’ll ever lead a complete & fulfilling life if you’re not there, idk if I can go another fucking year like this. It feels like I’m stuck. All my progress in life, emotionally, mentally, interpersonally, I’m just fucjing stuck until you come back. Bc it’s like nothing else is as important as this. I can’t be a normal fucjing perosn and have normal attachments and do normal fucjing shit w my life until we fix this. I’m always gonna be hung up on the fact I ruined the most important relationship I’ll ever have. Always hung up on the fact that the one person that ever knew me & would never leave me did anyway. So how can I even try to let anyone else know me? How can I even try and fucking fix the shit in my brain lmfao. And no one gets it. No one understands why I have to talk about it so much and why I still cry about it every fucking day & everkne is so fucming tired of dealing w me & it’s so funny bc they don’t even know what I’m actually like LMFAO not like yoh do so it jsut further validates that I’m a horrible unloveable perosn by anyone but you and if even you got tired of me like what now LMFAO

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Don't read this it's just dumb feelings

Ugh , one silly man, that I previously rejected and avoided numerous times, that I also shared many lovely magical intimate moments, like just a lil bit of hesitation and avoidance and fear that made me do some things that really hurt him and act like a bitch, etc, why is it that knowing he has a girlfriend now is making me pine over him ?? Like yeah our last interaction was magical and intimate and deep and I was like, maybe I do see potential here, and suddenly I'm daydreaming about that, and suddenly he's like "I met someone and we have to end our romantic ties" I'm like ????? Totally valid bc I've been treating you like an option instead of the whole thing but also , apparently I'm gonna interpret this to mean I'm not good enough???? Like it's not that I was acting terribly and making you feel unloved it's just that I'm fundamentally not good enough and now I have to play the supportive friend / unconditional love role when I was just daydreaming about like what if we choose to be together etc. Like I know I ruined it bc of fear/avoidance/anti commitment and that's valid for both of us and I'm happy to be in this supportive friend/unconditional love role and that's exactly what I was wishing our relationship would turn into like 6 months ago before this most recent rendezvous when I accidentally fell in love with you, 6 months too late apparently. Half wishing their relationship goes well and I get to meet the girl and we all get to share unconditional love and fun moments together; half wishing it doesn't go well and I get to be like, "so I'm actually in love with you and I'm ready for commitment" (I'm not stop thinking about that) (not actually wishing for that to be clear but its just funny when the option is removed and suddenly youre like wait but what about me!!!) ugh just, love sucks. It's also great but it also sucks. Just funny that I've been keeping this man at arms length and suddenly he meets someone who wants commitment and I interpret this as "I'm not good enough" rather than "if I meet someone I like I need to not be so afraid of letting them in and loving them." At the same time I'm always letting people in and loving them and then breaking their hearts bc I lose interest/get too close and run away, etc. I have things I need to work on before I'm ready for romantic relationships and I need to keep that in mind and work on it before I meet another cute person who wants to get close to me.

I'm gonna be single for another 3 years and some random person is gonna walk into my life and we're gonna casually get to know each other and slow burn our way into realizing we want to live together forever but until then I'm gonna relax and stop falling in love with random people. Unconditional love, sure but romantic attachment, learn to set boundaries, damn.

Anyway it's midnight I need to be sleeping, fuck all these men and all their feelings, I'm a strong independent woman and I'll break your heart and then be hurt when you find someone else lmfao. I love you all though thanks for being in my life regardless ❤️

Update from 2 weeks later, he texted me that they broke up....... And in my head I'm like "great" but at the same time still feeling resistant towards telling him my feelings/getting closer to him. So we'll see how this all unfolds in the upcoming months 🙃