#i saw the article this morning and i knew i had to share with you folks

[dye-it-rouge-et-noir]

Hello! I come with some good news! In the EU, a law has been passed restricting generative AIs (particularly ones that pose a high risk). I hope other areas in the world follow suit, but this is huge! It'll take a while to be applied as well, though this is still a major win for everyone.

[sailortongue]

Scandal

pairing: kenji sato x reader

summary: with the news of kenji's impending fatherhood -despite being unmarried- now public information, his PR team must come up with a way to salvage his reputation

wc: 1.5k

an: this is part 3!

navi | prev | series mlist

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“Giants Player Kenji Sato Seen with Mystery Woman” was the headline that greeted you one fateful morning. You skimmed the article as quickly as you could, wincing when you saw that there were even pictures included to back up the story that Kenji was officially off the market. And not just taken, oh no—but a father-to-be. 

You immediately called Kenji, your heart pounding with the realization that your face had been shared with the public. He picked up the phone, his voice still groggy with sleep as he answered.

“Someone wrote an article about us,” you blurted out, not bothering with pleasantries. “There's pictures of us leaving the clinic, and it says an anonymous source came forward with information that we’re expecting a child. How did they find out so quickly? Did you tell anyone?”

Kenji blinked slowly on the other side of the phone, taking in the rush of information you had spewed at him first thing in the morning. “Uh, no. Haven’t even told my dad yet. You?”

You were about to deny having told anyone, but then you remembered. Ami. But she wouldn’t do that to you, right? “Ami knows.”

Kenji sucked in a breath through his teeth, grimacing. “Do you think she’d . . .” he trailed off, not wanting to make any outright accusations. He knew Ami personally, and that she was a good friend, but he also knew that scandals meant more money for reporters and that Ami has her own child to take care of. 

“I don't want to believe she would,” you started. “But I'm not sure how anyone else could have possibly found out so quickly.”

Kenji hummed. “You should talk to her today. Or I can, if you’d prefer?”

You sighed. “I'll do it. It’s just not going to be an easy conversation.”

“Call me with an update later?”

“Yeah, of course.”

You ended your call with Kenji and wasted no time dialing Ami’s number, your stomach twisting itself into knots as you listened to the ringing. No answer. You tried again. And again.

 “Are you ok?” was the first thing she asked when she picked up. “It's not like you to call so many times.”

“Did you tell anyone about Kenji and me?”

She fumbled over her words for a moment, not expecting to be interrogated as soon as she answered your call. “Of course not. Has something happened?” she asked worriedly. You must have had a very good reason to sound so frantic. 

“There's an article,” you explained simply. “About Kenji and I. Are you sure you didn’t say something to anyone else? Even the smallest detail that might have been figured out?”

“Yn, I swear to you that I would never. I don't know how it got revealed so quickly, but I promise it wasn’t me.”

You sighed for the umpteenth time. “If not you then who?” You asked despondently, not truly expecting an answer from her but lamenting your misfortune all the same. 

“I don't know,” she answered softly, her voice laced with concern. 

Meanwhile, not even twenty minutes after you had called him, Kenji received yet another phone call. This time, it was his PR manager, Muramatsu. He groaned, knowing he was in for an earful. He answered the phone with all the false bravado he could muster, pretending he was none the wiser to the current state of his reputation. 

“Is it true‽” His manager demanded.

“Is what true?” Kenji asked, deciding to play stupid. 

“Did you or did you not get a girl pregnant?” 

“Straight to the point as always, Muramatsu,” Kenji chuckled, throwing off his covers when he decided to finally get out of bed since it seemed he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep this morning. 

“I'm serious, Ken. We need to get in front of this ASAP. Your reputation is on the line which means so are your brand deals.”

Kenji paled. He hadn’t thought of that little consequence. “Look, it was an accident, ok.”

“Dammit, Ken! What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?”

“I was drunk! I didn't intend to do it, it just happened!”

Muramatsu was pinching the bridge of his nose in his office, wishing at this moment that he’d been hired by any other celebrity other than Ken Sato. “Is she a girlfriend we didn’t know about? Because we can work with that.”

Kenji remained silent, biting his lip while trying to think of a way to gently break the news that on top of accidentally knocking up a girl because he was drunk, she was also a woman he had never met prior to taking her home. “Picked her up at a bar,” Kenji mumbled. 

“What? Can you repeat that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“She was a random girl from the bar and I thought she was pretty and now she’s going to be the mother of my firstborn!” Kenji all but shouted into the phone, his stress levels rising rapidly as he paced the wooden floor of his bedroom. From the other side of the call he could hear something slam into Muramatsu’s desk, presumably his fist. 

“Give me the full story. Your team won the championship, you celebrated with drinks, you met this girl at the bar and took her home, yada yada. I know the first half now tell me the second.”

“Well, I got a call from a friend of mine. Turns out she’s a mutual friend of Yn—“

“Yn?”

“My . . . baby momma?” He clarified tentatively,hesitant to use the term. It was accurate, but friend wasn’t enough and girlfriend was too much. For now, anyway. 

His manager hummed, signaling for him to continue. “So Ami told me we need to meet immediately and I went to the cafe I suggested but it wasn’t Ami that met me it was Yn and that’s when I found out,” he said in a rush of words, not taking a single breath. 

His manager sat at his desk, stunned. “And the pictures?” He dared to ask. 

“We talked, and I told her I would be there every step of the way. Every appointment, every craving, every mood swing. All of it. I want to take responsibility and be a good dad to this baby.”

“Would she be open to pretending to be in a relationship?”

“Might not need to pretend at all. We have a date planned.”

“Good good,” his manager said. “And what if we took it a step further? If we present the two of you as a married couple, then it turns a scandal into regular celebrity gossip and your reputation—and your girl’s—is spared the judgment of having a child out of wedlock. It’s a win-win for everyone.”

Kenji positively preened at hearing you referred to as his girl. He was so taken with the thought that he agreed to Muramatsu’s proposition without even bothering to ask what you thought of it. But it wasn’t like you had a boyfriend that would object, right?

“Great!” His manager said. “I'll talk with the team and we’ll have this sorted out by nightfall. Now, let’s backtrack. You said it was Ami that called you to meet. Ami Wakita? That reporter who interviewed you?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

“So let me get this straight. You knock up a girl and one of the very first people to know is a reporter, and now suddenly there’s gossip rags talking about your promiscuity?”

“We’ll talk to Ami. She’s a friend to us both and I just can’t believe she’d actually cross both of us just for a story.”

“You’re gonna give me grey hair, kid,” his manager groaned. “We'll give her the benefit of the doubt for now, but find out if she’s the leak. We’ll talk later.”

It wasn’t until he heard the click of the call ending that it sunk in what he’d agreed to. He’d made a decision all on his own without consulting you that would deeply impact your life even more than it already had been. He sat on the edge of his bed and sunk his head into his hands, groaning at him having dug himself in an even deeper hole. In the last 48 hours, you two have gone from a hookup to eventual co-parents to make-believe spouses. How was he supposed to explain this to you?

The buzzing of his phone pulled him from his thoughts. He checked the screen to see a message from you and swiftly unlocked his phone. 

yn: are you free later? ami wants the three of us to talk

yea, where at?

yn: her place for lunch? around noon?

sounds good. just got off the phone with my

PR manager. he’s working on damage

control but it will require some acting on

our part 

yn: ???

i’ll explain when i see you later

see you soon :)

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next

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@nuhteyam

[steddieas-shegoes]

cw: discussion of past parental death due to overdose, mention of drug use

Steve stumbled upon the article when he was helping Robin collect articles for a project for her Industry Studies course.

He didn’t think much of reading about another small time musician getting caught up with the wrong crowd, and overdosing or getting in a drunk driving accident. It seemed like a pretty common theme. It was terrible, sad, horrible, but he’d seen about 30 stories like that in the last two days and he was kind of getting numb to it all.

Until he saw the name Munson.

Until a picture of a woman with long, curly hair and Eddie’s smile stared back at him next to a headline that read: “Kentucky Country Queen Dead at 27.”

He read the article with tears in his eyes.

Elizabeth “El” Munson, a hopeful country singer and guitarist, was found dead in her home by her six year old son, Edward. The boy reportedly tried calling his father at work with no luck before finally calling his uncle, Wayne Munson.

Toxicology reports show that she overdosed on multiple illegal substances. At this time, it is believed to have been accidental and no foul play is suspected.

It has now been made clear that Elizabeth was seeking a divorce from her husband, Al Munson, but had not been successful as lawyers were unable to locate him until her funeral. Their son has been put in the care of Wayne until further notice.

Robin found him 20 minutes later, staring at the page with swollen, red eyes. She took the paper, read the article, and put it back in the files wordlessly.

“I don’t think he wants us to know,” she finally said.

She was probably right.

But Steve had grown pretty close to Eddie over the last six months, had opened up to him about his parents, his fake friends, his concussions and nightmares. Eddie had started opening up to him, too.

He thought he had, anyway.

He told him about how his mom died when he was young and his dad was awful so he moved in with Wayne. He told him about how his dad appeared every couple years looking for money or a place to stay and Wayne always turned him away.

But he never really talked about his mom, always said he barely remembered her.

Did he know what happened?

——

Steve asked Wayne the next morning.

He’d come by to pick Eddie up for a day with the kids, but Eddie hadn’t set his alarm and was still asleep.

Perfect opportunity to find out more.

“So. Eddie’s mom.”

Wayne tensed over his plate of toast and scrambled eggs. He didn’t look up, just took another bite of food.

“Does he know how she died?”

“Do you?”

“Newspaper said overdose,” Steve tapped his fingers nervously against his thigh. “Says Eddie found her.”

“Trauma messes with your memory.”

It was final, a statement that left Steve with more questions, but a certainty that he’d get no answers.

“Yeah.” He gulped. “I’ve heard.”

——

Steve doesn’t bring it up to Eddie for a while.

He figured Wayne’s reaction said a lot about what Eddie knew or would be willing to share.

But they were a little high and alone and Eddie’s hand was warm in his and his filter was broken.

“I’m sorry you had to be the one to find your mom.”

The air around them was thick. The silence was deafening.

“Me too.”

Eddie’s voice was quiet, nothing like his usual playful tone.

Steve immediately wanted to put this conversation in reverse, pretend his curiosity didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie moved closer to Steve, his arm a constant pressure against Steve’s. His head leaned against Steve’s shoulder.

“Wayne doesn’t know I know how she died. He doesn’t know I know my dad gave her bad drugs, convinced her all the up and coming musicians were doing a new strain of heroin. She’d kicked him out of the house,” Eddie’s breath caught. “She shouldn’t have let him come back that day. I heard them arguing before I left for school. She told him she was finding a manager and recording an album and that she was divorcing him. I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew it was bad.”

“Eds, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I know, Stevie. But you know everything else.” Eddie’s face turned until his nose and mouth were pressed against Steve’s arm. “I went to school. Didn’t think about it. Figured my dad would be gone when I got home and might come back in a few days once they cooled off. But when I got home, he was gone and my mom’s bedroom door was closed. And I opened it and there she was.”

Steve turned so he was face to face with Eddie, cupping his jaw and rubbing his thumb along his cheek in encouragement.

“I don’t even know why I tried calling the store first. I didn’t even know if he still worked there. But then I called Wayne and it’s like he just knew.” Eddie’s eyes closed for a moment. “Don’t think he’d ever gotten to our house so quick.”

“Did he know all this?”

“He knew enough. I stayed with him and then my dad gave up his rights. Lied to the counselor about what I knew so Wayne wouldn’t freak. Kept it up for a while,” Eddie let out a small exhale that slightly resembled a laugh. “I read the article about eight years ago. A kid in my class made a joke about me being an orphan because of the drug problem in America as if he even knew what that meant and I decided to see what the newspaper reported.”

“Do you play because of her?” Steve asked.

Eddie blinked back at him.

“I play for a lot of reasons. But I started because of her, yeah,” he whispers. “You’re the first person to ask me that instead of give me that look of pity.”

“I’m sad about how it happened, but giving you pity doesn’t change it. I’d rather hear how it changed you,” Steve whispered back.

They were close, legs intertwined, hands touching bare skin under shirts and on faces and necks.

“It changed everything for me. Wayne packed us up and moved us here as soon as he legally could. Probably for the best. Well,” Eddie gave a small smile. “Definitely for the best. Wouldn’t be here with you if he hadn’t.”

“Do you ever go back?” Steve did his best to ignore the fluttering in his stomach.

“Her birthday every year. She’s got a nice spot near her mom.” Eddie bit his lip. “It’s actually coming up in a couple weeks. Maybe you could come with me?”

“Me? Are you sure?”

Eddie nodded. “If it doesn’t weird you out that I talk to her. I like to give her updates on my life, Wayne’s life, music. Think she’d find it quite funny that I bring the guy I’ve had a crush on for two years.”

It takes a minute for the words to sink in.

“Two years?” Steve’s lips curled up into a smile. “I hope I live up to expectations.”

“I think she’d like you. She’d definitely make fun of me for having a boyfriend who wears polos though.”

“Is that how you’d introduce me?”

“If you’re okay with it.” Eddie leaned his forehead against Steve’s. “I know we haven’t talked about what we-“

Steve pressed his lips to Eddie’s, nearly knocking their noses together painfully in the process.

After the initial shock, they both relaxed into the kiss.

“I’d love to go. As your boyfriend,” Steve said after pulling away for air. “What was her favorite flower?”

“Gardenias. Always wore perfume that smelled like it. Why?”

“Because I have to impress her, right?”

“You realize she’s not gonna actually see or hear you? She’s definitely dead.”

Steve snorted. “I know. But she can still have nice things. Maybe us bringing her nice things in death is a way to apologize for the not nice things she had in life.”

“You’re a pretty incredible boyfriend, sweetheart.” Eddie kissed the tip of his nose. “And you now know more than Wayne, so it’s time for a pinky promise.”

Steve giggled before holding up his pinky. “I swear I won’t tell Wayne anything.”

“And you’ll kiss me whenever I want…”

“That’s a guarantee.”

“And you’ll let me win at Go Fish…”

“Not a chance, Eds.”

Eddie laughed. “Worth a try.”

Steve curled his pinky against Eddie’s. “So do you think she’d like me?”

“Oh. Oh god. She’d love you. You’re exactly who she’d want for me,” Eddie rolled his eyes when Steve flipped his hair back confidently. “And she’d braid your hair every night while you gossiped and sipped tea.”

“And what would you do?”

“Probably just soak it in. Appreciate having her and you around. You’ll just have to gossip with Wayne.”

“Wayne doesn’t strike me as-“

“Oh, he’s got you fooled! He’s a worse gossip than the ladies at the hair salon. Just ask him about the mailbox at the end of the road sometime. Make sure you’ve got an hour to spare.”

“Really?” Steve’s eyes lit up. “Is he home now?”

Eddie pulled Steve forward until he was flush against his front. “No and I have much better plans than gossiping with my uncle.”

“Oh?” Steve’s brow raised.

“It involves my bed and handcuffs. You in?”

“Hopefully you’re in.”

“God, you’re ridiculous. C’mon, now I’m even harder from your stupid flirting,” Eddie sat up and tugged until Steve followed. “Can’t believe this is how my night’s going.”

“Believe it, baby.”

[eimids]

Don’t care about them

Alexia Putellas x reader

i’m gonna keep writing to annoy that rude anon😉

this is inspired by this whole situation going on in my blog!! enjoy nonnie i know you are reading this😚😚

warnings: bad body image, rude comments, angst

You and Alexia had dated for a year before your relationship became public. It wasn’t ideal but you were happy that now you were able to show to the world your girlfriend.

The press was having a field day after your relationship came out with the one and only, Alexia Putellas. They were writing about your life and every single thing you ever did.

That wasn’t the worst part. It was the fact that they were talking about your body and looks. Giving their opinions on your posts on instagram. Judging and criticizing if you are worthy enough for Alexia, the star player of Spain and Barca.

The articles weren’t all that bad but the comments were.

Under a photo with you wearing heavier makeup than usual.

“She wears way too much makeup, i bet she’s actually ugly and just maskes it behind that makeup”

If you weren’t wearing makeup.

“She’s so ugly, look at those eyebags. she doesn’t deserve Alexia”

Then there was a photo of you in a bikini.

“🤢 look at those things and that stomach. she should be a lot skinnier. alexia deserves much better than that”

“She’s trying so hard to suck her stomach in it’s pathetic”

“I wouldn’t be posting bikini pictures with that body”

You quickly decided to turn off the comments on specific posts. Not wanting to hear the mean words they said about you.

You went through the rabbit hole of scrolling and reading through every single comment before deleting the comments. It wasn’t good for you but you couldn’t help it. Just needing to read what they said about you. Some comments were actually nice. Telling you how cute you and Alexia were together. Probably most of them were nice but they went to blind eyes. You were only able to see the negative ones.

It quickly became too much for you. You actually started to believe the comments about Alexia deserving better. You started to isolate from her and from everyone. It was easy since Alexia was in the Spain women’s camp during international break.

It started as you just not replying to her texts so often and missing some of her calls but it quickly escalated to you completely ignoring her. You thought she wouldn’t care about your absence in her life but she did.

In fact she was stressing the whole camp about it. She didn’t perform as well and you were in her mind constantly. She thought she did something wrong. Luckily for her there was only one more day of camp and then she would see you again and solve this situation. She knew that whatever it was, you could work through it. You always did.

When Alexia came back home finally she found you in your shared bed. She noticed the dry tears on your cheeks and your phone in your hand. She decided to unlock it to see what it was.

She was horrified when she saw all the comments about you. How could anyone say those things about her precious girl. The girl who wouldn’t hurt or say anything bad about anyone. She hated that this was somewhat her fault. Her being a public figure, it was hard to avoid those comments.

She closed your phone and took her own in her hands to post quickly on her instagram. After that she cuddled close to you. Not wanting to wake you up but also wanting you as close as possible. She stayed like that for a while before falling asleep herself.

The next morning you woke up to the soft hands caressing your body. So gently touching every part of your body while whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

“Should we break up?”

That wasn’t at all what Alexia expected from your mouth and she tensed up immediately.

“What, why” She asked breathlessly.

“I don’t deserve you. They all say it. You deserve much better than me” You said while looking into her beautiful eyes. Tears creeping in your own.

“Absolutely not. You are more than enough and i love you more than anything my beautiful girl” She answered then quickly followed “You don’t actually wanna break up, right?” She asked nervously.

“No” You said and shook your head. You started crying to her about all the mean stuff in your comments. She listed carefully and assured that none of them were true.

The rest of the day she showed just how much she loved you and you stayed in bed for the whole day. Just before you went to sleep you checked your instagram. To your surprise there was a post from Alexia made the day before.

Liked by yourinstagram, Lucy Bronze and 1, 456, 789 others.

alexiaputellas: my beautiful, amazing, kind and loving girlfriend 🩷 te quiero mi niña

the comments you been writing about this beautiful soul are horrible and i disagree with them all. i couldn’t ask for anything better and if we are being honest, i don’t know how i deserve her but i’m so lucky to have her in my life<3

so for anyone who has been sending those comments, just stop. if you’re own life is that boring then maybe get some help 🙂

me and my girl will enjoy our life together 🤝

no me importa lo que piensen los demás✨

—

hehee

[fandomwritingbit]

William afton x (fem)reader - scarf

Warnings: smut basically just Will wanking. Dark themes - pervert William, inappropriate relationship. The unfortunate use of a good scarf.

Notes: minimal plot, I wrote this on the train, its barely proofread lmao

"See you later, Mr Emily!" you call over your shoulder, half slinging your jacket and handbag on your arm. It's been a long day, and you were much too eager to get out of this place, making you forget the scarf you'd worn this morning, that hung on a hook shared by some of the staff. It was a thin silky fabric, a gift from a friend and you've worn it pretty much every day since.

"Monday, y/n?" A voice calls after you, stopping you from slipping away out the fire door. You turn to see your other boss, clearly on his way out for a fag, cigarette in hand and all.

"Yeah. No worries. See ya, Mr Afton." You smile politely, hating to be reminded of the extra shift you'd picked up. Then finally making it outside, ready for at least several hours of sleep.

~

Yeah, you will see him on Monday, where hopefully you'll wear that cheeky little skirt again, Afton thought to himself, smirking. It really had been a pleasure to see you on your hands and knees cleaning up something some trainee had dropped, it left very little to his imagination and that could be a dangerous enough tool on its own. You were fast becoming his favourite thing to see rushing around the restaurant, but he hadn't quite worked on cornering you yet.

He was about to follow your path outside and spark up, but glancing to the left, he saw your forgotten article. Now, what had he done to deserve this? He couldn't help himself from grinning wide, fuck the smoke, he had a better idea. Snatching the scarf from the peg he struggled with the impulse to press it to his nose. Restraint, William, he reminded himself. But that had never been his strong suit.

With it in hand, he left through the fire door, scanning the empty car park, left for his car and Henry's, somewhat appropriately at opposite ends. Henry's right under a light, his in a pitch-black corner which just couldn't be better for what he was about to do. Tucking the now undesired cigarette behind his ear, he slipped in his car, locked the doors, and waited for the interior light to turn itself off.

It was then in the complete dark that he inhaled the scent of you on this scarf, pressing it to his face as his head leant back against the seat rest, sneering into the fabric. The smell of you drove him wild, God he'd been wasting time not calling you into his office and seeing what kind of knickers you had on under that fucking skirt. Holy shit.

Dirty thoughts materialised in his head and with a grunt he unfastened his belt, pulled down his fly and took his cock out. It had been a surprising fair while since he had last done this and in consequence, he found himself impatient. Breathing in your smell, he could almost taste you. You sweet, pretty little thing, you probably had no idea how just the small 'how are you's had driven him to stroking his cock with your scarf in his face like some kind of creep. Feeling himself close, his pace was rough with himself. God he was a fucking pervert, but he didn't feel the guilt he should, he'll he celebrated it because he knew he had a talent for making cute pieces like you into perverts too.

It was easy to imagine you on top of him, his hand on your throat, moving your body just how he wanted it. You clawing at him. He could make you scream, hate him and thank him all at the same time.

Pulling your scarf from his face, he bucked into his hand, biting the inside of his cheek to muffle the groan of him falling over the edge. He hadn't thought to get a tissue or something to the liking and shoved your garment into his lap to collect his release.

His head hit the headrest again, a half-smirk half-scowl on his face. He chuckled, well, you certainly weren't getting this back now.

[etherealising]

chapter six | didn’t i do it for you?

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader | platonic!natalie berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!neil fak x fem!reader

summary: carmy knows exactly what he wants regarding you, but past mistakes always come to rear their ugly heads

warning(s): angst | hurt slight comfort | slight fluff | semi-jealous carmy | mentions of substance abuse | mentions of overdose | mikey | mentions of suicide | implied miscarriage | language | self-destructive behavior | arguments | forced love confessions | carmy’s sad boi hours | actions having consequences | more barby lore | children | no use of y/n | afab reader |

wc: 10.9k

a/n: hi lovies, this chapter may be a bit heavier than previous ones so please take the warnings extra seriously. if you are triggered by any warning please do not read this chapter i’ll literally message you a summary of the chapter if you need it. i may have missed some warnings so if that’s the case i do apologize it was not intentional. lastly please remember YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA COSUMPTION….enjoy 🩵

“You know, I-I don’t think my family meant to ruin it or anything like that, you know.”

Carmy was trying to be better, to be more open. And it was easiest at these Al-Anon meetings, no one knew him, and no one had any expectations of him.

“I-I don’t think they did it on purpose,” his hand subconsciously raised to the chain securely tucked under his crew neck, rubbing the metal through the fabric.

“I don-it’s not fair to blame them for everything,” a sardonic huff of laughter escaped Carmy as he thought of the words he was going to say. “I uh…I had a friend once…a best friend.”

“She was the first thing in life that I felt belonged to me,” Carmy frowned, having trouble articulating what he wanted to say. “And not li- I didn’t own her or anything, but she was my friend because she chose to be, not because she knew me through Mikey.”

“And then I…I fucked that relationship up myself…uhh and as I sat there trying to think of what provided amusement or joy in my life…I just thought of my childhood spent with her…by my side.” He cleared his throat forcing himself to remember that he would probably never interact with any of these people outside of these meetings.

Carmy’s hand dropped from its place where his covered chain sat, now gripping the armchair. “She’s uh she’s back in my life now and I…I want those things with her again I…I want to fix things with her, be the person she believes I am.”

Sydney’s curiosity the other day gave Carmy a lot to think about. He was so accustomed to looking at the picture above his stove daily, that he hadn’t even given it a second thought when he invited Sydney over. Her curiosity was understandable, the interactions you and Carmy shared hadn’t been the warmest but that Polaroid would suggest otherwise.

“Yeah. Anyway, I’m happy to be here.” Carmy sat straighter in his chair, if he could admit his wants albeit vaguely to a room of strangers, he could admit his feelings to you. “Thank you, guys. Thanks for letting me share.”

Then he saw you at the grocery store, comfortable in someone else’s arms. He wasn’t jealous, or at least he didn’t think he was. But reality slapped him in the face, so sure of himself that the two of you could pick up where you left off he didn’t stop to think that maybe you didn’t want that anymore.

And then like the idiot he was, he gave Claire your number. He wanted to believe it wasn’t on purpose, that he had memorized your number so well it was the first he thought of when asked.

Carmy left the meeting hoping Claire didn’t call the number he gave her, hoping that you would be open to rekindling whatever relationship was left between you two.

Your morning was off to a great start. Hayden surprised you with breakfast at the office and signed off on your article for The Bear as long as it didn’t get in the way of your work at The Tribune. The two of you even brainstormed the best way to go about telling the story.

Since your late-night grocery run with Hayden, the two of you had fallen back into the friendship you developed all those years ago. It felt good to be reconnected with him, and thankfully things weren’t awkward considering your past sexual history.

Neither of you admitted to it, but you both knew the opportunity to fall back into your old ways would soon present itself, you weren’t sure if it was an option you would take advantage of though. The two of you weren’t in college anymore and as pathetic as it sounded since your vulnerable conversation with Carmy the other day, your heart still held out hope that the two of you could build up the foundation for a romantic relationship.

Rounding the corner of Orleans Street you finally made it to your destination, happy to have taken in the fresh air mid-morning had to offer. You approached the door to the restaurant hoping someone would hear your knock and let you in.

You smiled as Sydney opened the door moving back to allow you in, you reached up to slide your headphones off as you greeted both her and Carmy.

“Good morning, is Nat in?” The text you received on the train ride over from the oldest Berzatto was pushed to the back of your mind until now.

The urgent ‘we need to talk,’ text had worried you at first, but you had rationalized that Nat could’ve been referring to anything.

“Uh yeah, she’s in the office.” You nodded at Syd giving her a small smile in thanks before turning to make your way to the back.

“Oh hey, do you like have a second or…” You stopped in your tracks turning back to face the two chefs looking between them curiously before nodding once more.

You smiled waiting for one of them to speak, “Uh yeah can we make this quick though I need to speak with Nat.” You did your best to sound nonchalant, the longer you stood out here the more your anxiety began to rise, mind racing with what Nat needed to speak with you about.

“Yeah yeah of course,” Sydney stepped away from the door moving near Carmy who had remained silent since your entrance. “We were thinking of sending Marcus to Copenhagen and I know you stayed there, not like in a weird way but because I read your articles you know.”

You nodded your head eyebrows raised as a signal for Sydney to continue. You did your best to ignore Carmy’s stare while Syd rambled on about their idea and how the trip would help to inspire Marcus.

“…So we were wondering if you had any suggestions?” Her raised eyebrows stared back at you.

“Sorry suggestions for what?” The confusion was easily readable on your face, Syd’s excitement at the prospect overwhelmed you.

You watched as the two chefs stared at you, Carmy’s signature blank stare and Syd’s slightly hurt reaction that you weren’t paying attention.

“Oh uh for accommodations…in Copenhagen.”

The question surprised you, eyes darting to Carmy before focusing back on Sydney. You knew Carmen spent time in Copenhagen, so the fact that they were asking you for suggestions seemed a bit redundant.

Albeit stunned by the questions you smiled moving towards where the two of them were sitting, memories of your month spent in Copenhagen playing in your mind like a movie. The trip was months before Mikey’s passing and now as you think about it, it felt like that was the last time you had fun, and lived life without the worry that so often filled you now.

A chuckle left your lips as you leaned against the counter looking from Syd to Carmy, “I uh I stayed with the chef I was profiling.” You bit your lip trying to contain the grin threatening to split your lips, “I still have his number I could call him if you want. He kind of owes me a favor anyway.”

Carmy’s arms fashioned themselves across his chest, a frown pulling at his eyebrows. There was so much he didn’t know about you including the fact that you had spent time in Europe with some mystery chef.

“Oh yeah? What uh-who was the chef you wrote about? Maybe I know him.” Carmy’s words surprised you, the look you exchanged with Sydney proved that he didn't come across as casual as he was trying to.

You raised from your position against the counter, “Chef Luca?” Your voice trailed off a bit before the smile you were trying to contain finally made its appearance, “He’s this amazing pastry chef, who’s so passionate about his craft it was like watching a master at work!”

Carmy watched as you gushed about his former colleague, annoyance clawing at his throat as he took notice of just how happy the memories made you.

“Luca even taught me how to make this crazy dessert he was still perfecting, I mean mine was nothing compared to his but it was honestly the most fun I’d had in so long.” You reminisced about your time spent with Luca, “Oh, and my peach cobbler? Yeah, he taught me the simple syr-.”

“No yeah, I’m familiar with him.” Both you and Sydney were pulled from your animated conversation; the tight smile on Carmy’s face alerted you of his irritation.

You nodded, feeling a little bad at your rambling, “Okay well I’ll just go see Nat now, let me know if you need me to make that call.” You drummed your hands against the counter before turning around to take your leave.

“Hey uh, Baby?” You turned your head before disappearing around the corner eyebrows raised as you looked at Carmy. “Do you think we could maybe talk later?” You watched as his hand came up to scratch the back of his neck.

Sydney watched the interaction play out between the two of you, a small smirk lining her lips as she watched how flustered Carmy got just by asking you a simple question.

Your lips tugged up into a small smile, “Sure thing Carm, I’ll come back when I’m done with Nat.”

Carmy was sure his heart was beating so loud Sydney could hear it, the nickname something he hadn’t heard spilled from your lips in so long. The small smile he briefly caught did wonders for his already lacking confidence, he was now sure more than ever that there was a chance to fix things with you.

You entered the office to see Natalie pouring over documents presumably to do with permits and money in regards to the restaurant. You took a step forward momentarily stopping at Nat’s voice.

“Close and lock the door behind you please,” The lack of eye contact was grating on your nerves, either Natalie was completely stressed about her role as project manager or you had yet again colossally fucked up.

You did as told not wanting to further irritate your very pregnant friend. The office was silent neither of you spoke up as Natalie finished looking over the latest paper she had picked up.

She looked exhausted and you felt horrible knowing you had potentially added more stress onto her already-loaded plate. Nat gave you a small smile though her eyes looked anything but happy.

“Cortez called me this morning,” Nat’s eyebrows raised as she pointedly stared at you. Your head fell back against the door a quiet ‘fuck’ mumbled into the air. “Said this was the third meeting you missed.”

Nat waited for you to return your attention to her, “I’m only going to ask you this once Baby, and I really need you to be honest with me.” Nat leaned forward in the chair, closing a bit of the space between you so you would hear her quiet voice, “Are you using again?”

You sighed leave it to Cortez to fucking snitch you out, you didn’t realize that being a snitch was a requirement if you were someone’s sponsor.

“Baby?” Your eyes connected with Nat’s the softness of her voice and the watery appearance in her eyes told you just how worried she was.

Your head shook back and forth rapidly as you raised your hand to massage your temples, “I’m not using Nat I promise. And I know that means jack shit coming from an addict but I promise I’m doing good.” You took a deep breath calming your budding agitation, you knew Nat was worried and it wasn’t her that you were annoyed at but yourself.

“I uh…I’ve been stuck on step eight since I joined this whole rebranding project, and I…I knew that Cortez would be persistent in me getting it done.” You grimaced at the fact that you had already missed three meetings, you hadn’t realized how far things had gotten, “It’s just things felt normal again and I guess I thought I could just pretend like everything was okay.”

Natalie nodded as she listened to your explanation, she hated it but there was always a part of her that would be apprehensive. She had seen the manipulation substance abuse breeds firsthand when she stayed with you in the hospital after your overdose, it hurt her to see you hurting. To sit back and watch as the withdrawal symptoms ate away at you as you would fiend for a fix that you took your pain out on her and Pete.

Nat quickly turned to where her purse was sitting pulling out a box the two of you were all too familiar with.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Your face scrunched up in anger, the emotion slowly residing as you watched Nat close her eyes and take a deep breath in. You felt like a complete asshole you knew Nat wasn’t doing this of her own volition and you had no one to blame but yourself for the predicament you were now in.

“Nat shit, I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that. But you really can’t expect me to take that here.” Your hand thrust out to the box that seemed to be taunting you.

“Baby you know the rules. I don’t like this as much anymore than you but when you just decide you don’t need to meet with your sponsor anymore, these are the measures we have to resort to.”

“Lead the way, Mom.” Natalie let out a small chuckle at your antics, thankful that you were being somewhat logical, “Wait is there a bag we can throw this away in, we can’t just leave the evidence in the bathroom.” The two of you turned to search through the office sure you would find a stray plastic bag lying somewhere.

You popped up, a plastic baggie securely in your grasp, “Does the toilet even work?” Nat shrugged, walking past you and making her way to the bathroom leaving you to follow behind.

“Aww yeah, party in the bathroom! Am I invited?” Nat stopped as Fak stood in front of the two of you hastily moving the bag behind her back doing her best to be inconspicuous.

“Sorry my love girls only, maybe next time,” Nat gave Fak a pat on the shoulder and her signature smile before maneuvering the two of you around him.

“Wait, is it that time of the month for us? Cause I think our cycles might be synced, I’ve been having the most insane cramps lately.” The words that left Fak’s mouth would never cease to surprise you.

“You know, I think you might be right Fak, my lower back has been killing me.” You indulged in Fak’s shenanigans, the man falling in line to walk with you as the two of you followed Natalie to the front.

Fak nodded along with you “No I’m like feeling it, should I invest in a heating pad?”

You snickered at Fak, “I usually just fill up a sock with rice and throw it in the microwave.” You shrugged like the conversation was a completely normal occurrence. “The first day is always the worst for me, my breasts get so tender.”

Fak raised his own hands to his chest cupping his pecs “Baby tell me about it, it’s just like one touch and I’m crying.” You could see Carmy’s confused look from your peripheral as your group finally made it to the bathroom.

“I could totally massage your breast Fak, but you would have to return the favor. It's only fair if you’re a part of the sisterhood.” You watched as Fak nodded his head rapidly, hands raising in the air and hovering in front of your breast.

“Wait, is this an actual thing?”

“Oh yeah me and Nat do it all the time, that’s actually why we’re going to the bathroom now.” Fak’s eyes darted to Nat before looking back at his hands inching closer to your breast.

“Wait no, I don’t want Carmy to be mad at me.” The two of you looked in Carmy’s direction, the man still watching just as confused as earlier.

You shrugged before turning back to Fak, “I can assure you Carmy would not give a single fuck if you touched my breast, Neil.”

The aforementioned man took in a gasp of breath before clearing his throat and slowly moving down the counter to get a better listen at what the hell the two of you were doing.

You, Nat, and Carmy waited to see what Fak’s next move would be, the smile raising to your face hard to keep under wraps, Fak was adorably easy to mess with.

Fak’s hands began to inch forward concentration clear as day on his face before a small shriek left his lips, “Baby I’m sorry, Carmy’s my best friend, I don’t think I can do this for you.”

You laughed at the disappointment in Fak’s voice, “Your loss babes, I know 16-year-old Fak would’ve killed for this moment.” Your hand raised to pat his cheek before you finally left his side and entered the bathroom as Nat held the door open for you.

“She was lying to you my love, we don’t massage each other's breasts.” With those last words, Nat shut the door on a disappointed Fak and a mildly annoyed Carmy.

Fak turned back to look at Carmy with an apology in his eyes, “I’m so sorry Carmy, teenage Fak was really fighting to come out right now but I know Baby’s your girl.”

Carmy frowned at Fak’s words, the irritation running through him at yours and Fak’s stupid antics. “She’s uh…she’s not my girl. Baby and I are just friends.”

Fak smiled widely in Carmy’s direction, “That’s great, you really should think about getting a girlfriend then, I just want you to be happy Carmy.” Fak began walking to the back to help move the appliances. Carmy let out a chuckle as he heard Fak mumble about missing his once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Carmy shook his head back and forth, having you back really was just like old times. He wouldn’t ever say anything out loud but Carmy was actually really glad he didn’t have to stand there and watch Fak fondle you.

“Pete said the two of you have a lunch date planned.” Your head shot up to Nat, the air had been a little stilted between the two of you since she had brandished the drug test.

A laugh bubbled out of you, “Doesn’t seem like the proper environment for a casual chat Nat.” You gestured to the dinghy bathroom you were in, emphasizing the urine sample sitting on the sink while the two of you awaited the results.

You watched the smile rise to Natalie’s lips, a somber look overcast on her face, “I’m not doing this because I want to Baby.” Nat’s voice took on a gravelly tone.

Natalie didn’t deserve this, she had already basically nursed you back to health once. And now here she and Pete were about to bring a life into this world, and here you were a grown adult still expecting everyone else to fix your problems. You knew Natalie didn’t need the stress and worry your life choices brought forth and if your overdose wasn’t a wake-up call enough, then Nat’s haggard appearance as you two stood in the bathroom sure was.

“I know and I apologize Nat. Really livin' up to my nickname aren’t I?” Nat chuckled listening to your apology. “There’s no excuse for my behavior. I know what’s expected of me I-”

Your words were cut off by the shrill ringing of your phone. The noise caused the two of you to jolt in the small bathroom. You quickly removed the device from your back pocket, it was a Chicago area code, but you already had everyone you knew here saved in your contacts.

“You gonna answer that?” Your eyes flashed to Nat, her eyebrows raised in question.

You took one last glance at the number trying to place it before clicking the power button and slipping it back into your pocket, “If it’s important they’ll leave a voicemail.”

“Anyway, I shouldn’t constantly depend on you to clean up my messes Nat, I don’t think I’ve been the best friend recently. And it should be you depending on me considering,” you waved your hand over her figure scared that if you spoke the word someone might hear. “I promise to do better Nat, I want to be around to help with the little gremlin.”

Nat raised her hand to wipe the few tears that were falling, making her way over to pull you into an embrace, “These damn hormones make me so emotional.”

You chuckled rubbing up and down Natalie’s back, “You’d be crying even if you weren’t compromised.”

The hug lasted up until the timer on Nat’s phone sounded, signaling the results were ready. The two of you pulled apart, with Nat sending you a reassuring smile.

It didn’t matter if you knew you hadn’t touched any substances since your hospitalization, you would always be nervous when it was time to read off the results. You waited with bated breath as Nat read over the testing stick, you would set up a meeting with Cortez as soon as you got the chance.

The sigh of relief Natalie let out stung you a bit, but you could understand her apprehension it wasn’t easy trusting a recovering addict.

“It’s negative Babes.” A sigh of relief left you.

A wide grin raising to your lips, “I told you so.” Nat rolled her eyes at the sing-song sound of your voice.

The two of you made quick work of cleaning up the bathroom, small talk about your future lunch with Pete floating around as you made sure all evidence was disposed of in the plastic bag.

Carmy watched as Sugar exited the bathroom the same drugstore bag from earlier in her hand. He sent a nod in her direction as she smiled at him before making her leave. Carmy was set to meet up with Syd in 30 minutes but he was hoping to speak with you before he took his leave, unsure if you would still be here later.

He returned his attention to the calendars with the timeline to open, checking off things that had already been taken care of and adding anything he wanted to double-check.

“You free to talk now, Carm?” He turned at the sound of your voice, a shy smile lining his cheeks as he took in the smile on your lips.

“Uh yeah, yeah if you’re free,” You nodded, coming to stand across from Carmy the old counter directly between you two.

Carmy’s eyes took in the sweater you were wearing, similar to the style in his but while his was a nice grey color, yours was a deep green. The familiarity of the crew neck finally dawned on him as he realized it was his crew neck you were wearing, the last time he saw it was the night he left you in his apartment all those months ago expecting to still see you there when he returned home.

It was silent as the two of you stared at each other, a giggle escaped your lips at the lost look on Carmy’s face. “What’d you wanna talk about Carmy?”

Carmy nodded trying to remove the memories from his mind, “I uh…I know I ruined our friendship and…and whatever was left of it.” He paused, eyes falling to the crew neck carefully wrapped around you, the memory of watching you get dressed after the shower you shared swimming around in his head, the extra pictures of the two of you tucked safely into his bedside drawer.

“Carm hey,” he watched as your knuckles knocked against the counter to bring him back to the present time.

“Yeah, I uh I just have a lot I think we should talk about Baby, and maybe the restaurant wasn’t the best place for it.” He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, nerves running haywire.

You nodded a serious look painted on your face, you were sure you knew what Carmen wanted to speak about but you also had secrets of your own you wanted to share with him.

“I…I want us to try and be friends again or at least be cordial with each other…if that’s not too much to ask.” Carmy huffs out a breath of laughter, eyes latching onto your figure in front of him.

He watches as you appear to be thinking, most likely retracing the path of your relationship through the years memories running through your head that he has absolutely no idea exists.

“Carmy, you’ve never not been my friend but a lot of your choices hurt m-.” Your phone rang again echoing off the walls in the front of the restaurant.

You gave Carmy a small smile before removing your phone, the number that’s calling you is the same one that called while you were in the bathroom with Nat earlier. You raise your finger to Carmy, gesturing that you need to take the call.

“Hello.” You wait as the other line stays quiet.

“Baby?”

You frown looking up at Carmy as he watches you hoping your call ends soon, “Uh I’m sorry who is this?”

“Oh, it’s me, uh…Claire. We lived down the street from each other as kids?” A gasp escaped your lips, surprised that she was calling you.

You move the phone from your mouth. Hand moving up to cover it as your eyes find Carmy’s “It’s Claire.” Your whisper takes a moment to register in his ears, too caught up in the bright smile on your face.

“Wow, it's so good to hear from you. Um, I hope I don’t sound rude but how exactly did you get my number?” You watched as Carmy ran a hand across his mouth, eyes wide your name slipped past his lips the dire need to get you off that call racing through him.

You held your finger up to him signaling to give you a moment, too wrapped up in miraculously connecting with an old friend.

“Oh um, this is going to sound weird. I uh…I ran into Carmy the other night at the grocery store and when I asked him for his number…this is the number he gave me.” You listened as Claire spoke, the smile quickly disappearing from your lips as your eyes found Carmy’s alarmed ones.

“Carmen gave you my number?” You watched the regret flash through his eyes.

“Mhm.”

“And claimed it was his?”

“Uh kinda yeah, it’s a bit weird but maybe he was just planning to call you or something.” A small laugh left your lips, if he hadn’t called you since he last saw you, you could bet he had no plans to ever call you.

“Yeah…fuckng bizarre.” You could feel the lump forming in your throat.

“Sorry if this is weird but do you think you could give me his number?” It felt like senior year all over again and you were the bridge between these two souls

An ironic smile rose to your lips as you stared directly at Carmy, the panic glaringly obvious in his eyes because he couldn’t hear Claire’s responses.

“Oh, Claire Bear I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken to Carmy in what’s it been?” You paused your glare on Carmy impenetrable.

“Five years, since high school graduation. I don’t even have his number.” The crack in your voice was evident to all who could hear, Carmy wished he could disappear at that moment.

“Oh no, is everything okay with you two?”

“You’re too sweet. You know how it is people change, they grow apart. I just think Carmy outgrew me.” It was becoming harder and harder to swallow your tears.

“Wow, I’m sorry to hear that Baby. But I heard you're back in Chicago, maybe we can catch up?”

“Claire I’d love that, hey before you go try Fak for Carmy’s number I’ve heard they’re extremely close now, have a great rest of your day!” You listened as Claire said her goodbyes quickly, hanging up and placing your phone back in its designated pocket.

It was silent as you raised your head to the ceiling, a disbelieving laugh escaped your lips as you felt the tears trace down your cheeks. You were getting fucking tired of crying.

“Baby hey, hey let me exp-,” Carmy’s pleas were cut short as both of your eyes shot to his now ringing phone on the counter. Neither of you needed to be a fucking genius to figure out who was ringing Carmy’s line.

“Answer quickly Carmen, your little girlfriend is calling.” You knew it was petty and you shouldn’t be upset with Claire for chasing after what she wanted, but for once you didn’t want to be the one fighting for scraps of Carmy’s affection.

You didn’t want to have to share.

His hand quickly shot out pressing the power button on the side silencing the ringing, taking the extra step and turning it face down as he watched you just stare at it.

“Baby I-,”

“Why are you the way you are?” You were tired of putting Carmy and his feelings ahead of yourself, tired of running yourself ragged to accommodate your feelings for a grown man who was too scared of the truth.

“I-” You took a deep breath to collect your thoughts. “I’m so hurt right now Carmen and I want to be angry, I want to be so fucking angry with you but I’m just hurt and exhausted, and I…I really don’t even want to waste my breath on you right now, but I’ve put up with a lot of your shit and I think I’m just done.” Carmy flinched at the sardonic laugh you let loose.

“It hurts Carmen…it hurts when the person you’ve been truly in love with for most of your life doesn’t even treat you like an option.” You ignored the sharp intake of breath that came from Carmen’s direction, surprised he even had the guts to listen to your rant.

The ringing in his ears along with your broken voice overwhelmed him.

“I have lived so much of my life for you and yeah I was stupid for that, but all I wanted was your happiness and all I wanted was happiness with you. I have given so much of myself to you Carmen I have lost pieces of u- of myself to you, Carmen.” The tears were raining down in full force.

It was one thing to cry when you were hurt but to cry out of anger and exhaustion would probably always be the worst feeling.

“All I wanted was for you to love me the way I loved you…the way I will continue loving you after today because the way I feel for you won’t just go away Carmen it will be stuck with me forever! What I lost to you will be stuck with me forever! And…and we spend this amazing weekend together and I accept that you can’t commit to me and I give you the benefit of the doubt because Mikey just died and you…fuck.” Your hand slammed against the counter top your thoughts all over the place.

“You take my number that you’ve had for a year and you give it to some girl that you had some stupid pathetic high school fucking crush on. I’m not even worth a fucking phone call to you Carmen! And I…I’m not even supposed to be here right now but you wouldn’t fucking know because your too much of a fucking coward to allow yourself to be loved to be happy!”

You could feel the oncoming migraine from how loud you were shouting, you did your best to ignore the gathering crowd, Nat and Richie at the forefront watching with worried glances, as Marcus Fak and the rest of the crew peaked through from the back.

A shuddering breath floated through your lips as you felt the lifetime of exhaustion catch up with you. “I almost gave you all of me Carmen. Please just leave me alone” The words escaped your throat in a hoarse whisper. You were so far gone that you couldn’t even see the look of heartbreak and despair marring Carmen’s features.

“Baby, hey!” Your eyes shot to Richie as he blocked your line of vision to Carmen's. Head shaking back and forth arms slowly reaching out before coming to rest on your biceps thumbs gently massaging into them. “Let’s take a break Baby calm down a bit yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along before he led you to the back, making sure to block your view of Carmen.

You were shaking as the two of you made your way past Nat a whispered ‘I’m sorry’ leaving your lips as she was left to deal with the mess that was Carmy.

“Fuck!” The loud crashes of a heavy object slamming into the floor caused you to jump in Richie’s hold as he led you back into the office.

Little tremors shook through your body as Richie carefully guided you to sit in the lone office chair. Taking his position by your legs as he squatted in front of you, worry etched into his features at having never seen you react like that.

Your hands came to grip Richie's, the tear tracks on your face now dried, you were almost positive you had run out of tears to cry.

“I lost everything, Richie,” your voice was strained. “And I…I spared him because I knew he couldn’t handle it, you knew he couldn’t handle it…not after Mikey.”

Richie’s eyes squeezed closed as he raised your intertwined hands to his forehead, haunting memories of you forcing their way through. He dropped your hands delicately cupping your face to press a kiss on your forehead, “I know Baby.” The words were spoken softly against your skin.

The two of you sat in that position as you gained control of your ragged breathing.

“I’m a hypocrite, Rich,” you separated yourself from him, locking eyes. “I blamed Carmy for so much out there…but I’ve done something so unforgivable, I don’t think you’ll look at me the same.” You wanted to cry but the exhaustion ate away at you.

“Hey I’ve been through some shit Baby, we’ve been through some shit, nothing,” the firm grip on your chin reminded you of the lost soul who should’ve been in the room with you two. “Look at me when I’m talking to you. Nothing you say will change how I look at you.”

It was always weird to see Richie serious and the voice of reason, not that he didn’t have his moments, but seeing Rich without his signature smile made it feel like you had stripped him of something so personal.

“How bout this, Sug or I take you before you beat Carmy’s ass,” the sentence drew a small laugh out of you. “And then I’ll come over when I’m done here, pick up some dinner and we’ll have one of those nights like we used to when…when Mikey was still here.” You nodded your head not having enough energy to produce words.

Richie patted your knee rising to his full height as he headed to check on Sug and his idiot of a fucking cousin. “Oh hey, I’ll have Eva tonight, you don’t mind do you? She’s constantly on my ass about seeing her auntie Bebe.” Richie stood in the now open doorway awaiting your answer.

Your immediate response was yes, but you had to consider Tiff, unsure if she wanted her daughter around you considering your newly acquired title as recovering addict.

“I’d like that a lot, but I-I think you should get Tiff’s permission to bring Eva around me.” You knew your suggestion might upset Richie but it was for the best, and you would call Tiff yourself just to double-check.

“Hey no none of that shit, she’s my fucking kid too Baby.” The defensive tone in his voice immediately caused you to close your eyes, hands moving to massage your temples.

“Richie please, I just need you to do this for me okay? This isn’t about your parenting skills, Rich.” Richie watched you for a minute, the exhaustion noticeable.

He nodded sending you one last somber look before making his exit keen on chewing his little fucking asshole cousin a new one.

Richie could feel his anger rising in him as he walked past Marcus and Fak as they worked to remove appliances from the kitchen. He quickly sauntered toward the whispers of Sugar and Carmy becoming clearer as he finally made it to the front of the restaurant.

The first thing his eyes took notice of was the destroyed cash register lying in the middle of the floor, debris from the relic scattered across the room. Richie stood there taking in the scene, the two Berzatto siblings' conversation coming to a halt as Richie blew out a whistle, walking around the mess slowly clapping.

“You’re a real fucking piece of work Cousin,” Richie’s hand shot out to point in Carmy’s direction the younger man looking disheveled, the frown on his face almost comical.

Natalie felt her shoulders tense; she had known these two long enough to know nothing good would come out of this interaction. The fact that you were in the middle of all this would make whatever happened right now all the worse.

There were two things in the world Richie didn’t play about, little Eva; and you.

“Richie I don’t need your fucking bullshit right now.” Carmy moved to walk around the counter, hands fumbling in his pocket to get his cigarettes out, his focus on the door he was trying to escape through.

“You’re a piece of shit cousin.” Richie’s hands shot out to grip the collar of Carmy’s crew neck, shoving him into the counter.

Natalie’s shocked gasp of Richie’s name did nothing to tear the men away from each other.

“Get the fuck outta my face, Richie.” The shorter man shoved the man standing in front of him.

A rueful smile raised to Richie’s lips “That girl has bent over backward for your conceited ass time and time again, and you go and ruin the only good fucking thing you have going for yourself.” Richie’s hand raised thumb and middle finger moving to flick Carmy between the brows.

“You’re the last person that gets to talk to me about fucking ruining good things in my life.” Carmy’s free hand moved to swat at Richie’s.

“That empty fucking head of yours is so far up your ass you can’t see what the fucks been in front of you this whole time.

“Yo fuck you, Richie!”

The two loud voices echoed throughout the restaurant as the angry men tried to outyell each other.

“No you fucking listen to me! You don’t know what the fuck that girls been through. Where the fuck were you when shit went down Carmen! Huh!” Richie shoved Carmy again, the anger he felt for you pouring through him.

“Why the fuck weren’t you there for her whe-.”

“Richie!” Natalie’s stern voice caused Richie to harness some of his anger. “No.” The subtle shake of her head stopped his sentence mid-thought.

“You’re worse than the shit on the bottom of my shoe, and you don’t deserve to touch one pretty little hair on that girl’s head. And if I ever have to listen to her cry over you, watch her hurt over you again, you’re gonna wish Mikey was still here to save your ass.” Richie’s hand shot out to slap against the side of Carmen’s head, “Fucking bum.”

He removed himself from Carmy’s space, hands immediately raising as he faced Nat’s exhausted stare. “Sug I’m sorry, but get Baby home will you? I gotta finish up shit round here.”

Richie left the two Berzatto siblings to stand in the now quiet front of the restaurant, the sooner he finished his shit here, the sooner he and Eva could spend the evening with you.

Natalie looked at her younger brother scared of how this sequence of events would affect him. She took a step forward hand reaching out to Carmy before dropping it, “Hey, you okay?” The two siblings stood in silence, one worried about the well-being of her remaining brother.

And the other was trying to collect his racing thoughts, too many zooming through for him to even land on one.

“Where are we with the permits?” To Carmy’s ears, it sounded like he was underwater, his voice muffled, barely loud enough to be heard.

“Carm-.” Nat’s words were cut off with no chance of consoling him.

“Just get her home Nat and get back to me on those permits please.” Natalie watched as Carmy collected his phone and jacket, an unfocused wave of his hand sent in her direction before making his way through the exit, disappearing to who knows where.

Natalie watched as the front door latched shut, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing you into this environment. If she had just let you re-acclimate yourself on your own time, maybe this situation could’ve been avoided.

Her hand fell to her stomach, eyes following suit, “Welcome to the family little one.”

The sound of your doorbell constantly ringing tore your stare away from the bottle sitting on your coffee table. You sat still for a minute before remembering the plans you made with Richie earlier in the day, your eyes shooting to the bottle before you quickly moved to hide it behind one of the couch pillows.

Since Natalie dropped you off earlier you had gone back and forth with the idea of finally coming clean to Richie. Your decision was led by your emotions from earlier in the day, but after finding the bottle of champagne you received in The Tribune’s welcome basket shoved in the back of your pantry, you were sorely rethinking your decision.

You adjusted the pillow to disguise any misshapen lumps before hurrying to the door to greet your guest. Hoping the forced smile was enough you opened the door feeling the once-fake smile begin to settle into a genuine one as you took in the father-daughter duo on your porch.

“Auntie Bebe!” You laughed, a lump forming in your throat at how big the young girl seemed to have gotten.

“Little E is that you?” Eva giggled at the exaggerated gasp you let out before throwing herself against your legs squeezing you tight.

She unlatched herself from you before gripping your hand and moving into the house, “Daddy bought us pizza!”

“Hey, Eva take your shoes off.” Richie gave you a small smile as he scolded the little girl, her huff of annoyance not going unnoticed by the two of you.

Richie finally walked through the door shutting and locking it behind him staring at you as he waited for instructions, “Hey E go ahead to the living room and pick out something to watch okay? I’m gonna help your dad real quick.”

You were rewarded with her adorable smile as she ran in the direction you pointed her to. You turned back to Richie taking the two pizza boxes from his hand to allow him to remove his shoes and jacket.

The two of you made your way to the kitchen setting the boxes down on your island with a clear view of Eva scrolling through your tv. You maneuvered around the kitchen for plates before brandishing them to Richie, eyes caught on Eva’s small figure in your living room.

“She’s gotten so big,” the tears you thought had run out earlier were once again making their appearance.

Richie’s head turned to you, “Aww Baby look at you ready to cry and shit, you just saw her a year ago.”

You listened to Richie’s intoxicating laugh, trying your best to find the humor in his words. The notion was hard though when the last memory you could’ve had of the sweet little girl waiting for the two of you in the living room was holding her at a funeral that could have just as easily been yours.

“You coming Baby?” Richie’s raised brows were aimed at you, he had already made his way to the living room setting the smaller plate in front of Eva.

You cleared your throat nodding your head with a forced smile on your lips. It was settled, Richie had every right to know that there could have been a universe where he had to survive without Mikey and you.

Eva was cuddled into your side as your fingers stoked through her blonde locks, her smaller hand playing with the rings on your free hand. The two of you sat staring at the paused episode of ‘The Dragon Prince’ waiting for Richie to return from the bathroom.

Sitting with Eva in your living room made your heart heavy with what could’ve been. A small sad smile traced your lips as you leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

Eva’s head turned to yours, her tongue poking out at you as you returned the gesture, the two of you going back and forth making silly faces at each other before she released a small yawn. You watched as her small hand rose to gently run her little fingers across the scars on your face.

“Auntie Bebe?” You made a small noise to let her know you were listening. “Are you going to die?”

Your brows pinched together, Eva’s hand prodded at the scar between your eyebrows that was now more prominent, “Hey hey, where is this coming from?”

Her hand lowered to her lap as she turned her attention back to your ring-clad hand. “Mommy said you were sick…like Uncle Mikey…and that you tried to be with him.”

The ache in your chest was instant, you knew Tiff had tried to explain why you hadn’t visited but you didn’t know Eva had such an understanding of everything.

She raised your hand so it was in front of the two of you, little fingers dancing across yours, “And Uncle Mikey left us 'cause he was sick and I don’t want you to leave to Bebe.”

“Little E, look at me,” you waited as she adjusted next to you small body, cuddling into you more as her face turned to you. “I was sick…just like Uncle Mikey, but I’m doing a lot better now. And I got hurt, that’s why I have these scars on my face but a lot of good people helped me, like Auntie Nat, and even your mom.”

You stopped allowing the child to digest your words, you were trying to explain things in the simplest terms, and the small girl next to you didn’t need to know any of the details. “As much as I miss Uncle Mikey I could never leave behind my Little E.”

Eva shrieked as you moved forward to tickle her doing your best to make a very tough conversation end on a light note for the sweet little girl who brought joy to your world.

“How about some ice cream, yeah?” You watched as the small girl nodded up and down excitedly, her arms coming up to wrap around your neck as she planted a small kiss on your cheek.

“I missed you, Auntie Bebe.”

Your hand reached out to ruffle the girl's hair, “I missed you too Little E.” She removed herself from around you laying across the empty couch cushions.

You let out a little laugh before grabbing the empty plates and moving to the kitchen to get Eva her ice cream. You jumped at the sight of Richie leaning against the island in your kitchen arms crossed against his chest.

“Why are you standing in my kitchen like a fucking weirdo Richie,” you laughed moving to place the plates in the sink before grabbing a bowl for the ice cream. “Eva’s okay to have ice cream right, I know it's a little late bu-”

“What the hell was Eva talking about Baby,” you looked over your shoulder Richie’s stern eyes focused on you eyes piercing through you as opposed to at you.

You sat the bowl and ice cream on the island before searching for your ice cream scooper, the silence droning on as you began scooping out ice cream for Eva.

“I fucked up Richie,” you finally looked up to Richie eyes wet with tears as you watched him tightly shut his eyes and begin shaking his head back and forth. Not prepared for what he was about to hear.

You quickly finished with ice cream, returning everything to its location and dropping the scoop in the sink before grabbing a spoon. You made your way to Eva sending her a small smile as you handed the bowl to her, “I need to talk to your daddy okay? Go ahead and finish watching without us mamas.” Your words went in one ear and out the other, her attention fully on the treat in her hands. You gave her one last smile before braving yourself for what the kitchen had in store for you.

“I uh…I was in a bad place after Chicago we had just buried Mikey and then…the hospital happened,” you stopped taking a deep breath to get through this conversation. “I should’ve come home Richie I-.” You couldn’t get the words out your throat felt like it was constricting. It felt as though if you tried confessing you would choke on the words before you could even come clean to Richie.

Richie sat next to you at your small circular dining table chair turned towards you, eyes flicking to Eva’s figure every few seconds to make sure she was okay. Richie wasn’t even sure he wanted you to continue, but a huge part of him needed to know what you went through, he thought he had already seen you at your lowest point but the gravity of your words assured him that was nothing compared to the confession you were about to lay at his feet.

“I overdosed Rich.” Richie froze having thought he hadn’t heard you correctly for a second but as he watched the despair take over your face, he knew he heard you right.

His hand came up to wipe across his mouth, the reality of your words barely setting in. “Baby no, no, no, no.” The laugh that accompanied his words morphed into a silent sob as he tucked his head into his hands.

You swallowed your cry fighting to escape as you turned to make sure Eva was still okay, a reprieve from the hard conversation you were having.

You moved from your chair standing in front of Richie so you could console him, his arms wrapped around your waist as his head settled against your stomach, the shaking of his body proof to you that cries were still wracking his body.

The silent sobs turned into quiet cries, his hands gripping the extra fabric of your shirt at the waist. Your tears could no longer be held back bending at the waist you rested your forehead against the back of Richie’s head.

While Richie was crying over the sister he almost lost; you cried over the lives you ruined.

“Auntie Bebe I finished my ice cream!” You took in a deep breath against Richie’s head moving your own from its previous position.

You moved to step out of Richie’s grip, his hands tightening around your shirt tears seeping through to dampen your skin. “I gotta help E, I promise I’ll be back Richie.”

The breath you took in choked you as you had to pry Richie’s clenched fingers out of the fabric of your shirt. You quickly wiped your cheeks before making your way over to Eva grabbing the bowl from her hands and sending her a forced smile.

“Can I spend the night Bebe?” The hope in her eyes made your chest heave.

“How about I call your mom tomorrow and we arrange something for another time, is that okay with you?” Your hands brushed across her forehead, clearing the hair from her face.

She pouted, sinking into the couch cushion, “E, hey you can come visit me whenever, but tonight just isn’t a good night for a sleepover.”

You watched as her eyes began to water, “But what if you try to leave again?” You hadn’t realized how intuitive children could be at times, you bent down to make yourself eye level with Eva.

“Listen, mamas, I’m just a phone call away okay? Anytime you’re scared I might be gone just ask your mom or dad to call me and I’ll answer every time, I promise.” Everyone knew making promises to children was a slippery slope, but you intended on keeping this promise with every ounce of your being, it was time for you to start taking some responsibility.

Eva nodded her head throwing her little arms around your neck and gracing you with a hug you weren’t aware you needed. You gave a small kiss to her temple before pulling away and setting the empty bowl on your coffee table.

“How about you lay down okay? Your dad and I might be awhile,” She nodded, moving and leaning against the pillow, her sudden weight revealing the champagne bottle you had hidden behind it, you quickly covered her with the throw blanket on your couch before picking up the bowl and bottle and making your way back to the kitchen.

You gently placed the bowl in the sink before making your way over to Richie whose head was still in his hands. His eyes found yours as he heard you take your seat, before skating across the unopened bottle you had set between the two of you.

“I’ve been sober for five months now,” watching Richie’s bloodshot eyes slowly blink at you as he drank your every word in felt like a knife being continuously shoved through your chest. “No drugs, no alcohol.” Your voice trailed off, this was the first time you had admitted your shortcomings by choice.

“Ho-How’d it happen?” Your eyes focused on Richie’s Adam’s apple as it bobbed up and down, his face pinching together like asking that simple question was equivalent to swallowing glass.

“I uh don’t know the full story, just what the doctors told Nat and me,” you could see the hurt on his face that Nat was already privy to the information. “I didn’t tell her by choice, uh after my mom died my family kind of distanced themselves from me and so N-Nat became my power of attorney.”

He nodded his head, unfocused eyes floating around your kitchen, “Can you tell me?”

A tired sigh left you “Rich I don’t thi-,”

“I need to know Baby, please.” His hand shot out to grip yours, desperation you had never before seen seeping from his eyes.

You cleared your throat taking in a deep breath, “When I left Chicago, I just felt so…alone. It was like everywhere I looked there was either a reminder of Mikey or a reminder of…of what we lost.” Richie’s free hand returned to swipe across his mouth, eyes everywhere but you.

“The pills were prescription I…I can’t remember when I started taking them or when the dependency started but I-I know the alcohol started first. I deluded myself into thinking that I could do what Mikey couldn't…that I could numb the pain and function at the same time.

“It was like that for a while and then it just gradually got worse until I ended up hospitalized with no recollection of how I even got there and…and Natalie just crying and staring at me and the thing is I had heard those cries from her once before.” The same cries you listened to as she revealed Mikey’s fate to you.

“Um, the story is that I had been mixing drugs and alcohol which yeah I was. But that day I guess it finally went too far, for some reason I was trying to get to my patio and I guess I couldn’t figure out the door, I just…repeatedly threw myself into the glass until it shattered.” Your free hand moved unconsciously to pick at the scar lining the right side of your jaw, Richie’s hand quickly snatching it away urging you to continue your story.

“Wasn’t done yet though was I,” you looked at Richie expecting a chuckle out of him but the stoic look in his eyes told you he wasn’t in the mood for half-baked jokes. “I took two more pills and stumbled bloody through my apartment before making it out of my door and collapsing in a pool of my blood and vomit. A neighbor found me and called the ambulance.” You were glad you had no recollections of what would’ve been your final moments.

The silence in the kitchen was heavy, the words you had shared between the two of you more than anything Richie could have ever prepared himself for.

“Baby why…why didn’t you call me?” Richie’s hand covered his mouth in a fist as another cry escaped his lips wide teary eyes finally focused on yours.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” Richie could feel his heart breaking as he listened to the crack in your voice as you spoke, you had been so scared to disappoint him that you had hidden a part of yourself for him for so long.

“How long have you been in Chicago? You avoided Richie’s gaze, not brave enough to see the look of hurt and betrayal.

“I spent a month in Wisconsin at a treatment facility, I’ve been in Chicago since December.”

“And Tiff knew about this?”

“Yeah…uh she kind of forced it out of Natalie, I guess Eva kept asking about me.” You watched as Richie’s head slowly nodded as he carefully let your words play in his head.

Richie leaned forward in his chair, elbows coming to rest on his knees as his clasped hands rested against his mouth.

“I’m not disappointed in you Baby,” Richie’s eyes rose to yours. “But I’m real fuckin hurt and the shit you just laid on me was a lot to take in but I…I want to understand and I want to be here for you.”

The tears that had subsided were now back pouring down your face in droves, “I’m so sorry Richie, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. But I promise you I’m trying to be better, I will be better. I don’t think I'll get another shot at this after this one.”

Richie stood from his chair pulling you up with him, immediately tugging you into his chest hugging you tightly under the ambient kitchen lighting. He knew his hugs would never match up to Mikey’s, that his role in your life would never compare to Mikey's. But he loved you so much and learning that you had fallen victim to the same poison as Mikey made him feel like an utter failure.

Richie tilted his head down planting a kiss on the crown of your head, the saltiness of his tears passing over his lips.

What purpose did he have if he couldn’t even keep his last promise to Mikey?

Carmen’s day had come to an end hours ago but he just couldn’t get himself to fall asleep, all the words you had said to him playing over and over again in his head.

He had been so caught up in your argument that he blew his food-hopping plans off with Syd, and couldn’t even get himself to return any of the many missed phone calls he received from the number he knew to be Claire’s

Not that he even wanted to but he felt the girl deserved a proper explanation.

After leaving the restaurant and wandering the Chicago streets he found himself back where his life seemed to begin and end. Pouring what was left of him into helping the rest of the crew start the gut on the restaurant. He wasn’t proud that he let his emotions regarding your situation get the best of him, leading to an unnecessary and petty argument with Sydney. But he knew the two of them would work their issues out.

He couldn’t be sure that the same could be said for the two of you though.

The journal he had started a year ago sat open in his lap, the Polaroid he used to keep his place gently rested on his bedside table, the small lamp illuminated the two of you staring at each other eyes full of love as you wore matching smiles.

A teardrop landed on the ink-stained pages of his journal. The words he wanted to say to you easily poured out of him when he sat down to write to you. The journal began as a way for him to express what he felt for you, but as the months went on and the writing became a part of his routine they turned into letters to you he’d never have the guts to send.

His hand came up to swipe across his face before reaching for the pristine Polaroid and neatly tucking it between the designated pages. The journal was then safely placed in his bedside drawer. He knew he needed to give you space, he just wasn’t sure if there had ever been a future written in the stars for the two of you.

Picking up his phone he opened it to your newly saved contact, the need to hear your voice spilling more tears from his eyes. Your voice rang through his head as he thought about your words from earlier, Carmy couldn’t lie, he knew you loved him and had known for a while but hearing you say it aloud had finally awoken that part in him that would allow himself the pleasure of loving you back.

He couldn’t do it, couldn’t get himself to call you. A sob ripped through him as he locked his phone and set it down, the hope he had earlier to work things out with you was now gone, and he had no one left to blame but himself.

Carmy laid back in bed, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling, one arm bent at a right angle to support his head. He had really and truly ruined whatever relationship was left between you two.

Carmy’s hand dipped into the collar of his tank top, gripping the small pendant he found dangling from his chain after returning home from his shift the night you made your departure from his New York apartment.

His fingers had gotten used to tracing over the initial of your first name that he proudly wore around his neck. The closest thing he even had to you now.

Carmy’s eyes watered as he raised the initial pendant to his lips, a lingering kiss pressed into it, and a whispered “I love you,” filtered through the quiet of his room.

tag list: @saturnheart @r0s3mm @wheredidmycrowngo @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs @gabbycoady13 @randomhoex @mattmurdocksstarlight @shinebright2000 @royalestrellas @jam1esl0v4 @globetrotter28 @dankfarrick29 @flowersgirl02 @beingalive1 @fairytale07 @smoooore @ghost-timelord @xxxstormyninixxx

so i’ve reached the limit of people i can mention in a single post, i apologize if you asked to be tagged and were left off it was not intentional. i’m gonna figure something out to try and fix this…sorry : (

[f1swiftiee]

I Promise - CL16

Pairings: Charles Leclerc x model!reader

a/n: this is my first time writing on tumblr, so let me know what you think!! also, this is not proofread, so feel free to message me if you find anything! enjoy!!

You were going to be gone for a week for a photo shoot with Vogue. This meant that you were going to miss a whole week of Charles's summer break. You tried to tell him that you were sorry and would make sure to call him, but he seemed to brush you off. This was unusual, as he would normally at least have some sort of reaction. As you were preparing to leave that morning, Charles seemed very eager to help you pack up and get out of the house. This was also strange, but you decided to brush it off. You had started to see over the past few weeks that Charles had begun to be more distant. You thought it was due to stress from work, but now you were starting to suspect that something else was going on. A few weeks prior, you had told him to plan a dinner reservation for your two-year anniversary, but when the day arrived, he seemed to have completely forgotten. Another time, when you surprised him at a race, he didn't seem too excited to see you. Sure, he smiled at you from time to time, but he seemed to be trying to avoid you the whole time you were there.

Sitting on the plane hours later, you awoke to your phone buzzing nonstop. You checked, and to your surprise, you saw a news article heading, "F1 Driver, Charles Leclerc, Seen With Mystery Girl on Yacht Who Does Not Appear To Be Y/N". At that moment, everything made sense. He had been seeing someone else. With tears in your eyes, you continued to read other articles about this strange mystery girl. You thought she looked familiar, but you couldn't quite figure out where you had seen her before. With shaking hands, you dialed his number on your phone. You clicked the call button, but it went straight to voicemail. You tried calling him again, but you received no answer. Of course, there was no cell service 30,000 feet in the air. You put your phone down and tried to distract yourself for the rest of the plane ride but ended up spiraling down your thoughts. Two full years with the man you thought was going to be your forever, gone. You thought of the countless times Charles had told you about how you two were going to get married, have two kids, and adopt another dog to keep Leo company. All of it was gone. Surely this couldn't be real. A few minutes later, the pilot announced that he would begin descending the plane.

When the plane landed, you rushed to get off the plane and ordered an uber to your hotel. When you arrived in your room, you decided to text Charles.

Of course, he was making up another excuse. This wasn't the first time, as he had done this many times in the past few weeks. He couldn't be in a meeting because his summer break had just started. The following week flew by, and before you knew it, you were turning the handle to your shared apartment. You walked in to find Charles sitting on the couch texting someone on the phone, with a huge grin on his face. He quickly sent another message, shut off his phone, and turned towards you. "Ma chérie! Didn't expect you to be home this early!" "Yeah, I caught the earliest flight here this morning. And just so you know, I saw the news articles about you." "What articles?" "Don't play dumb with me right now Charles. I know you're cheating." "What? No! She's just a friend! It's Alex, you've met her countless times! I was hanging out with her because her boyfriend broke up with her, and she said she needed something to take her mind off of it. I was just being a good friend!" "Okay then, care to explain these pictures? They don't look too 'friendly' to me!" You pulled out your phone and showed him the pictures you had screenshotted from the articles you had read.

"Okay, okay! Maybe I was being a little more than friendly, but it didn't mean anything, I promise!" "No Charles! You don't get it! You can't just go out with another girl whem I'm gone and expect me to be totally fine with it! We're done, and I'm leaving! Don't try to contact me." And with that, you went into your shared bedroom, grabbed a suitcase, and shoved most of your belongings into it. You left as quickly as you had come, and you texted your friend, who'd agreed to let you come stay with her. You blocked Charles on all social media platforms, which caused fans to create theories. For the time being, you couldn't deal with that, so you spent most of your time off your phone.

A month later, while you were home alone, you heard a knock at your door. You thought it was your friend, who had come home early from visiting her family, so you had rushed to open it. To your surprise, you saw Charles, stumbling around with very noticeable eye bags, and you could smell the alcohol reeking from his breath. You fought the instinct to slam the door in his face and decided to hear him out. "Charles? It's 12AM - what are you doing here? Wait, how did you figure out I was here?" "Ma chérie, please. Give me another chance. I messed up, and I realized you are the one I need. The one I love. Please, I love you, and I will do anything to prove it to you." "Charles, are you drunk? If you are, then I'll talk to you when you're sober." "No, please don't make me leave. Please let me inside." You looked at him with sorrow and hesitantly agreed to let him inside. Charles stumbled in and soon fell asleep on the couch. You didn't have to worry about your friend for the time being, as she was supposed to be back in a week. However, you had no idea how to explain it to her whenever she got back. You went back to your room and got ready for bed.

The sun shone in through the blinds inside the guest bedroom, and you got out of bed to get ready. You walked out of the bathroom after getting ready and saw Charles standing in the kitchen eating something. You had completely forgotten about what had happened last night. "Charles?" you called out. "Oh, hey! I made you some pancakes with the stuff I found." "Thanks, Charles, but listen, we need to sit down and have a conversation about y'know, last night." "About that, I'm sorry for showing up so abruptly. I was at the bar, and the drinks were getting to me and then I ended up here. It was all a mistake." "So you didn't mean anything you said about wanting to try again?" "Yeah... uh, no. I- it all happened really fast. One moment I was with Carlos at the bar and the next thing I knew I was here. I know you're still upset with me, but please, give me a second chance. Let me prove to you that I can be better." Charles appeared sincere, you could see it in his eyes, as they started to water. "Charles, I-I don't know, everything is still so fresh. I don't know if I can just forgive you like that. Yes, I still love you, but I don't know if I'm ready to try again yet." The truth was, you had missed him more than anything. Yes, he had hurt you and had broken and shattered your heart into a million pieces, but you still loved him. "Please, ma belle, I'll do anything." "Charles shut up." After saying this, you walked over to him and tiptoed to kiss him. He didn't understand at first, but he began reciprocating after a few moments. "I missed you, Charles. Promise to not break my heart again?" "I promise."

a/n: the end! i hope you all enjoyed! let me know if i should turn this into a series!! thanks for reading!

[lz-didyounotice]

Baking weekends : The surprise

Those gifs do not belong to me.

Heyyyyy! How are you lots ? As promised, here comes another episode of the baking week ends ! This follows up the event of "An hymne to love", as well as the last espisode, "Kiss the cook".

Anyway... Hope you enjoy !

Froggit-

Warning : there's a lot of fluff, mention of making out in the tardis. English is not my first language.

--------------------------

The grocery store seemed to be way too full for a Saturday morning. Paying for the few articles you had in your basket, you got out, frantically searching for your car. There was so little time until the doctor and Clara came back from another of their adventures.

Driving as fast as the law allowed you, you pulled up to your small cottage, sprinting toward your house, paper bags in hand. Your coat was quickly put on a hanger as your shoes went flying in the entry. 

Washing your hands conscientiously, you tried to get your plan straight one more time, making sure nothing was missing. 

You had wanted to surprise the Doctor for a long while now. Back when Amy and Rorry were still traveling with you, a brilliant idea had come to you in the form of a red recipe book. The cover was old and titled with circles and other intricate designs you soon realized, was Gallifreyan. Having seen the notes the doctor tended to leave in the console room for repairs the Tardis needed, it was only ever so obvious.

For the sake of this recipe, you had to go to small markets while on another planet, wanting to find every single ingredient of what the doctor had stated to be his favorite dessert back home. Finally opening the book, you couldn’t help yourself, and shed a tear as you saw the numerous yellow sticky notes on every page, annotations left by Donna, your previous self older sister.

"How can I be sure he ain't as rotten as the last one?" 

Donna was upset to be keeped from such an important part of your life. If you were honest, you were sad to not be able to share it, but it was either that or losing her once more.

On that day, you had asked for her help, but she wanted to know more about that brilliant 

stranger you said changed you in better ways.

"Do you reckon I would be baking for him if he weren't important?"

"Cor blimey, you two had been goin’ out for bleedin’ three years, and I still never met the bloke!"

“I told you he traveled an awful lot.” you let out passing by the radio and changing the station.

“Just spill it if he's scared of meeting mom.” She let out with a small laugh. You could only do the same, bumping her with your hip as you did so.

You missed her dearly, her and her sassy comebacks. Since your new “Regeneration” you haven't been able to see her. What would she even say ? She didn’t know this version of you, you didn’t even look the same, and putting her life at risk would be irresponsible. You had just hopped that may be one day you would meet her once more. 

Putting up some energetic music, you wore your apron and got to work, sleeves put up to the elbow. The adventure only truly started now, something you waited so long to put up.

--------------------------

The doctor and Clara had been off all day, the brunette insisting on going a little longer, still waiting for your signal. The timelord was starting to be suspicious of Claras behavior, wondering what got his companion so energized for such a long adventure, he even was starting to wonder if she wasn’t a clone trying to keep him from earth longer than normal. 

But like the over-excited traveler he was, he couldn’t put down the offer, for all he knew, he was expected back at your cottage by the end of afternoon. Today was a busy day for you, and even if he wanted to have taken you with them, you insisted for them to spend some time together. It saddened him of course, none the less he understood today wasn’t a good day to go off with her.

Right now, the doctor was admiring a beautiful fez he had found within the small shop he and Clara came across, visiting a brand new planet. Soon enough he felt his shoulder being tapped on by the said girl, a tired smile visibly drawing itself on her lips. Asking the doctor to take her home, Clara had just closed her phone, saving it in her back pocket.  

After buying the fez, he seemed proud as he pushed the levers on the console. Rocking his new hat, Clara only could wonder if he would ever come across one without having to put it on. Even if she didn’t dream of seeing him less happy, she wanted the surprise that awaited him back home would light him up even brighter. 

With the Brunette back at her apartment, the doctor had no patience in waiting some more and launched the Tardis. Soon, his foot touched the vast landing of grass, still illuminated as the sun slowly hid behind the clouds.

Without any hesitation, his hand found the ringing bell of the small cottage, his heart pounding harder and harder as the seconds got by. 

Passing your head by the now unlocked window, the doctor seemed to ignite, happy to finally be back. “Darling, the door is open! Come on in!” Your hair was a mess, your glasses hanging from around your neck, beautifully portrayed by the light of the setting sun highlighting your figure. Smiling at you, the doctor entered the house, coming practically 10 seconds later face to face with you. “Well, welcome home Sweetheart”.

--------------------------

“I told you to not cheat! close those beautiful eyes before I smack you.”

The doctor was too curious to wait for the surprise you had put up for him. And right now, all he wanted was to take a tiny peak. But knowing how serious you could be about those things, he didn’t jocked around long before closing his eyes.

Soon you entered the room, a beautiful cake in your hands. Its sunny color, outshining the yellow of your apron. Slowing placing the cake before the Doctor. You gently brushed his shoulder. “Doctor, you can open them… ”

Finally letting go of his face, the man thought he was dreaming. Before him stood something that was supposed to be long gone, never to be seen again. And as he admired the wonderful pâtisserie, he couldn’t help but notice it wasn't just any Gallifreyan cake; it was a homemade one. 

Both his hearts skipped a beat as he realized the significance of the gesture. Turning to his wife with a mixture of surprise and gratitude, he couldn't help but smile.

"Did you...?" he started, his voice filled with warmth and affection.

You couldn’t help but beamed with pride when you saw the love in his eyes. "Yes, Doctor. I thought since you couldn't go back to Gallifrey yet, I'd bring a little piece of it to you."

The Doctor's eyes shimmered with unshed tears as he looked at the cake, overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of your gesture. At this moment, all he could think of was how much he loved you, and how much you meant.

Taking a deep breath to steady his emotions, the Doctor rose from his chair, wrapping both arms around you, burying his head in the crook of your neck, trying to hide his tears as they got out of control. Pulling you into a tight yet comforting hug, all he could muster was a soft “Thank you” thick with all the love he could let out. "This... means more to me than you could ever know."

Your hand was now passing on his back, soothing him as much as you could. Your other tangled itself with his soft hair as you stood there for another minute. You never wanted this embrace to end. But as you pulled slightly away, you could only see how much the doctor truly meant every word.

With a gentle smile, you reached down, your hand slowly cradling his cheek as you leaned in softly, closing the distance between them. Your breath mingled, warm yet sweet as your lips brushed together in a soft yet passionate kiss. But as you parted, the doctor only tried to reach for your lips, making you snort softly at the surprised look on his face.

“I do believe we still have to taste the cake, now don’t we?”

“I- … yes”

“We will continue… this after…-”

--------------------------

And to say you had outdone yourself was an understatement. You would have expected it to taste funny with the numerous strange ingredients you had to add. It was heavenly, and by the doctor's face, you could only tell he was enjoying every second of it.

“Is it any good ?” Serving yourself another portion.

"Blimey, love! This... this is fantastic! Haven't had a nibble like this in eons... It's not just good, it's utterly brilliant! Delicious doesn't even begin to describe it!" He answered, still trying to shove more cake in his mouth.

Your cheeks flared up, genuinely happy, and proud you had done such good work. In the beginning, you feared it wouldn’t have the same taste as the one that existed back home, and you felt relieved that the doctor could recognize a fond memory in it.

--------------------------

It was safe to say, the cake did not survive long enough. You and the doctor, now cuddling in the softness of the Tardis covers.  

After the cake had been devoured, you had to have a turn. The thankful kisses you gave one another, turned into a heated session of making out against the tardis console, his fingerprints still lingering on your inner thighs. And just like that it was you and him against the world once more. 

His fingers passed through your short ginger hair as a comfortable silence installed itself. You looked up at him and could tell he had some questions about the whole surprise.

“You have a lot of questions don’t you ?”

“I always do…”

“Ask away then, I know you’re curious.”

Shifting slightly closer, the doctor leaned onto his elbow, making his face right above you. “How long did this take you ?”

Your hand reaching out for his jaw, you pulled a small but sad grin. “I started trying back when Amy was still traveling with us. Unfortunately, I died shortly after so… been planning longer than our wedding. ” 

The doctor laughed slightly with you, remembering the chaotic moment. “And the recipe? Where did you find it? The Tardis database is still written in Gallifreyan as far as I’m aware of- ”

“No such trouble when you have learned to read it.”

“What..?”

“Why so surprised? Did you think I would traverse the universe for eons and not try to embrace your culture? What sort of wife would I be ?”

And just when he thought he couldn’t love you more, he did. His hearts swelled with pride as he looked into your eyes. Caressing your cheek, he kissed your forehead, brushing away some strands of hair still in the way.

“You truly are remarkable (Y/N).....”

“It goes both ways my Bowtie maniac.”

And as the sun rose again on the Tardis, the two lovers intertwined once more, laying one against another as close as you could, afraid time might slip by and take you both apart.

You couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome.

--------------------------

Bonus : 

“I knew Clara was up to something!” Complained the time lord only now realizing why his companion was so indecisive about where to land.

“Only figured now she had to keep you busy while I was baking?”

“That’s an awful trickery-”

“As far as I’m aware, if you hadn't been off, you wouldn’t have this wonderful fez of yours, now would you ?” Turning around him you swiftly took the red hat off his head, putting it on your own.

“Oi, mine-” He quickly tried to retrieve it, but knowing you it could be easy or involve a lot of running.

Dodging his hand, you took the opportunity to run off in the Tardis corridors singing “Nope, mine now!” as you ran across the control room.

“(Y/N)! ” The doctor was slightly panicked but it was just a matter of time before all of it evolved into laughter. 

[somethingvicked]

True love of mine part 12

warnings: female reader, angry fans, harrassment, angst, fluff, Eddie being a sweetheart

Chapter 11.

Now

Y/N

The next day was a work day for you, but you had stayed with Eddie for the night. It felt like you couldn’t be without him more than necessary after being apart for so many years.

He had held you close, seemingly not wanting to let you go this morning and you knew exactly how he felt. “I… I can come pick you up after work,” he suggested. “I’ll take a car, be more subtle.”

You frowned. “Why? Are you… you bothered by being seen with me?”

Eddie gave you a look. “You should know me better than that, Y/N. No, I just don’t want it to get out just yet… you don’t know… being famous like I am has its downsides too. Among them that my privacy is invaded constantly. As soon as I’m seen with a woman, regardless if it’s someone I work with or my hairdresser, the gossip tabloids wonder whether I’m screwing her or dating her, or both. While my fans… well, while they love me they hate anyone that might get too close to me and ruin the dream they have that they will some day be that person.”

You nodded, seeing the point he tried to make.

“Alright, I suppose that makes sense. But… we won’t have to hide this forever, do we?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, of course not. I don’t want us to hide it at all. Just that we are a bit discreet in the beginning. I lost you for so many years, I’m not ready to share you with the whole world yet.”

You laughed. “I feel like I already am sharing you with the world. But yes. This – us… we’ll stay at it just being ‘us’ for a little while longer, enjoy it.”

You took your coat and then frowned. “By the way, Eddie… what are we now?”

Eddie raised an eyebrow at you. “Nothing has changed for me, kitten. I think ‘dating’ isn’t enough of a word for what we are. But let’s just say we’re in a relationship for now. Until...”

Eddie quieted then and your heart skipped a beat. But you didn’t want to force it out of him.

“That’s good. For now,” you said and saw his head snap up, kind of like your reaction earlier, his eyes lightning up.

“For now,” he repeated and then hugged you again before you stepped outside.

You had barely stepped outside though when there was a message from one of your co-workers, telling you to check out the latest article among the gossip pages.

You gasped as you did. There were photos of you and Eddie outside the club he had played at the other night, and you getting on his motorcycle. The headline read “Munson’s mystery ‘true love’?”

Somehow they had dug up all the information about you, where you worked, where you lived, even your Instagram account – although that was private so they hadn’t been able to tag you.

It didn’t stop there, though. There were more than a hundred comments, most of them from other women or young girls:

“Who’s she?”

“She’s ugly.”

“What?! How dare she take my man!”

“Eddie deserves so much better!”

“She’s old! Why would he want her when he can have someone young and hot?!”

“He’s so out of her league. She should crawl back into her hole and let him go.”

“Go kill yourself, whore.”

“I bet she’s a gold digger.”

“Bitch. I hope she dies.”

And so on and on.

You felt sick. In that same moment Eddie called you and you answered, your voice trembling.

“By your tone I assume you’ve seen? Greg just told me. I’m so sorry, kitten.”

“I…” you started but you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to care about what they say and some of the comments didn’t bother you – that they called you ugly and old, that was expected when some of his fans were barely eighteen. It was the blind rage and hatred that had affected you.

Who the hell wished that someone they didn’t even know would kill themselves? It was horrible!

“Kitten?” Eddie said and you took a deep breath.

“Yes?”

“Look, I don’t think you should go to work today. They clearly know where you work, there’s a good chance that the paparazzis try to crowd you there. Or, that some crazy fans stalk your there. Come back up and I’ll call Greg over to see how we should handle this.”

“Alright,” you said, walking back to the building you had just left.

“Jesus, what are we going to do?” you mumbled, clutching a cup of tea in your hands.

“I don’t know, kitten,” Eddie said. “The thing is, it’s out now. But there’s a possibility it will die down if we ignore it. They say there’s no smoke without fire but if we turn that around and there’s no more fire, then they will eventually move on to the next scandal.”

You raised an eyebrow. “This is a scandal?”

Eddie shook his head. “No, of course not, but you know what I mean.”

“Well… how are we going to prove there’s no fire then?” you wondered, “there is a fire, we are together after all! And we’ve been together before – if someone goes digging enough, they will easily find proof of that.”

“Yes, I know that,” Eddie said, running a hand through his hair. “But there’s a possibility it will all die down if we aren’t seen together for a while. Then they will just assume it was a one time thing and…”

You jerked, looking at him with wide eyes. “What?! You want to… are you suggesting we break up again?!”

Eddie looked both horrified and offended at the same time. “What? No, of course not! I just meant that we shouldn’t be seen together publicly, so that it will…”

“Well, that’s the same thing, by omission,” you all but yelled. “You say you will never let me go after all that’s happened, but what is this? One little ‘scandal’ as you so eloquently put it, and you’re ready to bail?!”

Eddie’s face paled even more. “Y/N, I’m trying to protect you! Did you see what they wrote about you this morning?! You really think that will go away? Because I can tell you right now, it won’t. I’m so glad of what I have accomplished and I’m grateful to all of my fans, but… at the same time, it’s as much a curse as a blessing. I’ve had women and men following me to hotels, crowd me outside restaurants, getting up on stage to try and touch me and refusing to let go until security forced them away! I’m used to it by now. But you’re not. And they will go after you even worse, because I haven’t showed interest in anyone for so long, and suddenly, here you are.”

You realized what he was trying to say and wiped the tears away. “I don’t care,” you said with a small voice. “You left me once. I understand why you did it but I won’t go through that again, Eddie, regardless of whether it’s fake or not. Don’t you understand how humiliating this is? Not because of your fans but because I have to be your dirty little secret. Well, I won’t.”

You walked toward the door and looked back, seeing Eddie actually panicking.

“Kitten, please don’t go!”

“I have to,” you said, turning to look at him. You loved him. You loved him more than anything else in the world, but because you did, he had the power to hurt you more than anyone else, even if he didn’t mean to.

“Eddie, look. Maybe we jumped into this too quickly. You’re clearly used to do everything alone, making every decision on your own. But you did that fifteen years ago and it broke us. And now you want to do it again, regardless of what I want. I won’t be your dirty little secret, or your mistress, coming and going through secrets passages or in different disguises every time. I don’t know much about how it is living in the spotlight with fans that could turn around and wish you dead within the span of two seconds. But I would be willing to, if you were there with me. Yet you didn’t even consider that, did you? I think you need to think long and hard on what you actually want from me and what you are willing to do. Until then I guess I’ll do just what you wanted me to. Pretend like this was just a one time thing.”

You were angry. You knew you would regret those harsh words sooner rather than later but right now you couldn’t find it in you to care.

The old story about how Eddie had decided to leave without even trying to talk to you or anyone of his friends, or Wayne before – and after that, shut you out when he finally reached out to Wayne again – still stung inside you even though you understood why he had done it. But the fact that he once again did it… it was just too much. It couldn’t go on if you were to be together again.

You opened the door and then turned around and raised your hand. “Don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”

A few hours later you were sitting on your couch with a coffee cup and reading a book. You didn’t want to use your phone or watch TV, fearing to be reminded of the new mess you’d found yourself in.

You missed Eddie already, but you were still upset with him.

Or were you the one in the wrong? You couldn’t exactly expect that Eddie would be the same as when you were teenagers, right?

But that wasn’t what you wanted. Of course you missed those days, when things were so easy and uncomplicated. It wasn’t what you expected now though – you just wanted to be with Edde.

But you wanted to actually be with him. Not in secret or some fake pretend.

You weren’t worried any more about him wanting someone else, a younger fan or some model that would throw themselves at him. If he had been more celibate than you during these years because he missed you, that said something.

And at the same time, if he ignored this, pretending like it was nothing, didn’t that send a message too? That it was nothing. You were nothing.

You sighed and wiped your eyes, refusing to cry over this when there was a knock on the door.

You got up from the couch and went into the hallway to open the door.

Outside stood Eddie. He looked upset.

“What’s wrong?” you wondered, and Eddie stepped inside, holding his phone up to you. It was a picture of the outside of your building. The gate to the building was locked, you needed a code to enter and right now you were deeply grateful for that because Eddie’s pictures showed the front wall of your building, and the word ‘whore’ sprayed in angry red letters. You gasped.

“This is what I meant, kitten,” Eddie sighed, running his hands through his hair. “You’re the one they will be coming after. But I also realized you were right. You’re more than some mistress and I refuse to let this happen to you without doing something. So… I did. I hope you won’t get angry with me for not asking you – again – but… well, you can see for yourself.”

He gave you his phone. It was all over social media and the gossip pages. Eddie had made a statement about the pictures taken, confirmed that you were his girlfriend, that he had known you from before he became famous and that the song he had written was indeed about you and you two reconnecting. He had also said that he asked his fans to be kind to you, because he loved you and needed you in his life and if they supported him, they should support you, because you made him happy.

There were still some angry comments, some claiming that the timing of you coming back into his life when he’s at the height of his career seemed rather suspicious.

You didn’t care about that, though, because they didn’t know the whole story. Let them draw their wrongful conclusions.

Eddie was watching you, waiting for a reaction. You smiled at him and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you,” you whispered. “That’s all I wanted. You to acknowledge me as someone you love.”

“You’re more than that, kitten,” Eddie said. “You’re my forever and a day, remember? My first and last. Always.”

Then,

Hawkins, 1984

Eddie

Eddie hadn’t given the meeting with Deborah Wallace any more thought until Y/N came to him one afternoon, very distraught even though she tried to appear calm.

It was after gym class and apparently Deboarah had humiliated Y/N in front of the whole locker room, saying that Eddie had practically begged her to fuck him, and he would give away the weed to her for free, that she, Deborah had asked if he didn’t have a girlfriend and that Eddie had replied that Y/N was boring as hell in bed, that he might as well do it himself – at least then it would be done thoroughly, unlike when Y/N did it.

Deborah had finished with how she had jerked Eddie off and that Eddie had said that just her hand was better than Y/N’s pussy.

Eddie had never gotten so angry in his entire life. For the first time ever he seriously thought about harming another person, regardless of whether she was a girl or not. He wanted to slam Deborah’s stupid face into the lockers, making nosebleed spurt from that pretty nose that she had to stick everywhere.

But he would never do that and he had more pressing matters to take care of.

“Oh, kitten,” he cooed, wrapping his arms around Y/N. “She’s lying. I promise you, it’s all lies. She came on to me last time when she bought from me, saying that perhaps we could make a deal. I told her no, that I had a girlfriend and I loved you, and she said you wouldn’t have to know. I told her I was done dealing with her, because she disrespected you. I promise you, kitten. I would never do  that to you. I love you. Only you.” He looked into Y/N’s eyes, begging her to believe him.

It seemed she was struggling, like she wanted to believe him but something else bugged her.

 “Why didn’t you tell me she did that, then?” Y/N asked, wiping her eyes. “It feels like you tried to hide it from me.”

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you,” Eddie said, realizing that that had come back to bite him in the ass, “and since I told her to find another dealer, that it would be the end of it. I clearly underestimated her level of bitchiness.”

Y/N snorted. “You don’t… you don’t want to be with her, Eddie? She’s like… the hottest girl in school. All the guys wants to either hook up with her or be in a relationship with her, even if they have girlfriends.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t want to be with her. I’ve never have, kitten. She’s rotten to the core, she’s talking shit about everyone, even her closest friends. How could anyone want to be with someone like that? And why would I, when I have the best girl ever by my side already?”

Y/N finally smiled and let him hug her. “Really? So… even if they offer you wouldn’t pick a cheerleader over me?”

“Not even if Miss Universe herself showed up and told me to pick,” Eddie promised her, kissing her forehead. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’d be more than stupid to fuck that up. I’ve neve claimed to be particularly bright, but I’m not that dumb.”

“You’re not dumb at all,” Y/N said, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder.

That being said, Eddie wouldn’t let Deborah Wallace get away with trying to split him and Y/N up or humiliate Y/N like that. The next day the principal called Deborah to his office through the school speakers. An anonymous tip had come in that Deborah hid a large amount of weed and alcohol in her locker – enough for the school to suspend her for a month and call chief Hopper to take her to jail until her parents came to bail her out.

A woman scorned is a dangerous thing, but love conquers all.

taglist: @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @mewchiili @melodymunson @ches-86 @jenniquinn @eddiemunsonfuxks @stolen-in-moonlight @alastorssimp @pandemoniusstuff

(let me know if you want to be on the taglist!)

please, like, comment and reblog!

Your likes are wonderful but reblogs expand my reading circle.

[daisyblog]

Caught: Pt2

Our Story Masterlist Summary: How the other boys react to finding out about Harry and YN.

Read Caught first

Niall: He had noticed that Harry was a bit more chirpier in himself, he was texting a lot more and leaving the room when his phone rang. He'd assumed it was a girl, he'd teased and questioned him a few times but Harry would only blush and tell him "mind your business".

From the time One Direction was formed, Niall and YN had a close friendship. Purely platonic and Niall thought of YN like a sister he never had. They would try and keep in touch whilst the boys were on the road but Niall couldn't say he was shocked when he saw the article on his Twitter early hours of the morning.

He remembers a few weeks ago when the boys had an interview and Harry had left the room when his phone rang, once again. This time, Niall had decided to try and eavesdrop. He noticed Harry further down the hallway and decided to listen to what he was saying.

"I miss you"

"I think Louis is coming home this weekend"

"I can't just come with him YN, he's gonna find out that way"

"YN" Niall whispered to himself. Harry's secret girl couldn't be Louis sister could it?

Zayn: Harry had confessed their secret to Zayn a few weeks prior to them being exposed. He was having a moment of feeling guilty and going behind Louis' back but also just missing YN due to their busy schedule. It was just Harry and Zayn in the room and he knew he could trust him.

"Can I tell you something?" Harry nervously asked, looking down as he anxiously played with his fingers as he sat, his arms resting on his thighs.

"Sure man, what's up?" Zayn always had time for everyone, he'd listen, never judge and offer good advice.

"Uh-I..I've been hanging out with YN" Zayn kept a neutral expression, not wanting to make any assumptions.

"Louis's sister?" Zayn questioned, still trying to put the puzzle together. Harry nodded, chewing on the inside of lip nervously “What - so it’s like serious or just a fli-“

Before Zayn could finish, Harry cut him off “No it’s definitely not a fling, I really like her and we’ve been on a couple of dates”.

Zayn paused, letting the new information sink in. “Lou’s gonna flip man”, rubbing his hands over his face, trying to think of a way to help Harry.

He wasn't surprised when he saw the article, he just felt for Harry and YN because it was their secret to share and it was taken away from them. He sent them both a message to check if they were okay.

Liam: He had been tagged in the article by fans. After re-reading it multiple times and studying the photo, trying to see if it was actually YN, he phoned Harry first but there was no answer. So he phoned Louis to see if everything was okay, but little did he know that Louis was completely oblivious to the article and he had been the one to break the news to him.

Tag List: (let me know if you would like to be added) @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harrys-flower @platinumbarbie143 @frickin-bats @harrysbbyh0ney fanfictioncafe lilfreakjez jerseygirlinca iamahallucinationnn @chronicallybubbly @goldensunflowe-r  @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @kaverichauhan @peterholland04 @panicattheuc @indierockgirrl @or-was-it-just-a-dream @theekyliepage @hittiesontour @bunnyharold

[avengerscompound]

Shared Experience - Chapter 4

Shared Experience - A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Rating:  E

Warnings:  mentions of past torture, murder, and sexual assault

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Rose Astor

Word Count: 2859

Summary:  Rose Astor met her end in 1920, joining the ranks of the living dead two years after the birth of Steve Rogers.  A century later the two meet in battle - a beacon of light clashing with a creature of the night.  Despite their differences, the two bond over their shared life experiences.  Can a vampire become an Avenger?  Can two such different beings create a life together?

Chapter 4

Rose hadn’t expected to find anyone in the cell when she lifted the lid off the metal box she’d spent the night in.  She had assumed they’d wait until she was awake before they came in and a brand new day of testing began.  Instead when she sat up, she came face to face with Steve Rogers.

He was sitting on the metal bench that ran down the other side of the room with his ankle resting on his knee.  He was in street clothes - dark blue jeans with a white t-shirt and a dark blue jacket, but he had the shield propped up against the bench beside him.  She eyed it warily.  It wasn’t that she couldn’t look upon articles of faith, but once she knew they burned, they made her feel uneasy.

“Good morning,” he said.  “Well, evening I guess.  It’s funny how saying good morning has just become the thing you say to people when they wake up, isn’t it?”

Rose blinked at him, when she woke she was always fully awake.  There was never that mortal moment between sleep and wake where things were hazy and it was difficult to think clearly.  Even still, she hadn’t expected to be talking about the evolution of the phrase ‘good morning’ as soon as she lifted the lid off her coffin.

“Language evolves,” she said.  “The exception that proves the rule used to mean that a thing wasn’t true, not that it was.”

“That’s true, there’s this kid I know, sometimes he says things to me and I swear we must be from two completely different countries, but he grew up in Queens and I grew up in Brooklyn,” Steve said.  He looked so casual just sitting there talking about how old he felt.  It was almost as if a vampire hadn’t just started climbing out of a coffin next to him.  “And it’s strange, back when we grew up, if someone was named James, you called them Jim.  Now you never meet anyone named Jim.  They’re all Jamie.”

She pulled herself out of the box and smoothed out her dress.  “I am glad my parents gave me a name that still works today.  Imagine if I was named Gladys.”

Steve laughed.  “It wouldn’t be so bad,” he said.  “There’s always someone who gives their baby an old lady name.”

She laughed and pulled the lid closed on the box, before taking a seat.  “How long were you waiting for?”

“Not too long,” he said.  “FRIDAY was tracking the sunset for me.”

“So…?”

“So,” he repeated, sitting back and folding his arms.  “Bruce came to speak to me.  He pointed out that people see him as a monster and that his monster has killed plenty of people, and yet we trust him not to keep him captive here.  He asked me if he was a prisoner here too.”

“What did you say?” she asked.

“I said of course not.  He’s not.  I think he feels like he is sometimes, but I would like nothing more than for him to feel comfortable and at home in his own skin,” he said.  “I’ve always prided myself on not jumping to conclusions about people.  But I did also point out, that I saw you drain a man of…”

“A man that was threatening to kill a bunch of children in a battle you were having - with him!” she argued.

“I know,” he said.  “I also pointed out you threatened to bite me.”  Steve held up his hand to quiet her as he opened her mouth to speak again.  “He said he pulled the same trick on Natasha when he met her.  Threatened to Hulk out, that is, not try to bite her.  So he understood why you would do that.  And you didn’t actually bite me.”

“Okay, so?  What’s your decision?  Am I getting an amnesty on the crimes you have imagined?” she asked.

“I’m going to walk you home,” he said.  “And I’m hoping you can be honest with me while we walk.”

“And then what?” she asked. 

“And then we’ll decide,” he said.  “Because I know you know I can’t let a killer back out into the world.  I just can’t.”

She nodded and stood up.  “Fine.  Let’s go.”

Steve stood too and picked up the shield.

“Aren’t you worried that will draw attention?” Rose asked as she followed him out.

He shrugged.  “It will.  That’s okay.  I like people to see it.  It’s theirs as much as mine.  But I also know I’m safer with it.  So we’ll make do.”

The statement made her shiver and she moved over to his non-shield side.  “So what do you want to know?”

“I want to know if you’re a killer, Rose,” he said.  “How did you become what you are?”

Rose sighed and stepped into the elevator.  “I already told you,” she said.  “I was targeted by a man who liked pretty playthings and money.  I had both.”

“He’s still around?” Steve asked.

“I think so,” Rose said.  “It’s hard to know.  There are a lot of people who hunt creatures like us.  And he knows if I ever see him again, I’ll be one of them.  So if he is still around, he’s laying low.”

The elevator stopped and opened up onto the lobby and Steve looked at her.  “Tell me what happened.  “I get the part that he targeted you and forced it onto you.  I mean after that.  After he turned you.”

She sighed again.  This was not a topic she even liked remembering, let alone talking about it.  She followed him outside as she tried to gather her thoughts.  She glanced up at Steve and chewed on her bottom lip.  “It takes a blood transference.  I was young and rebellious.  I’m from a rich and very famous family.  You grew up during the tail end of their dominance over the shaping of New York.  So much of the city is still named for them.  And to begin with I was so well-behaved.  Then it felt like I was being punished for being well-behaved because all the things I had been looking forward to being able to do suddenly became illegal.  I thought I’d been punished for being a good girl, and I’ve spent the rest of my life being punished for rebelling.”

Steve opened the door for her and she stepped outside into the cool night air.  There was a small group of tourists gathered around the front door and Steve took a moment to talk to them, sign autographs, and pose for pictures.  He even let a couple of the younger members of the group hold the shield.  She considered trying to run when he did.  If she ran he’d have to decide between the shield and catching her.  It would be a difficult choice between potentially losing a killer versus losing an invaluable piece of metal.

She stayed put, waiting patiently for Steve to be done.  In the end, if she ran it would prove to him she was a killer and while she was a predator, she didn’t consider herself evil.

He approached her and the two began walking again.  “You see this is a punishment?”

“It’s not?  I live on blood.  I’ll never see the sun again.  I had to stop talking to anyone who actually loved me.  I couldn’t even be there when they died.  And everyone I meet I either have to lie to or they treat me like a monster,” she said, still not quite ready to say the worst of it.

He nodded.  “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do this to me,” she said.  She shook her head as she tried to clear it and continued her story.   “He made me drink his blood and then I died.  I don’t know how long I was dead for, but when I woke up I was in a coffin in the basement of his house.  Everything felt wrong.  I was cold, the colors were different, I could see better in the dark.  And I was so hungry.”

“What did you do?” Steve asked.

“He was waiting for me,” she answered simply.  “He’d brought me someone.  I couldn’t… I was so hungry…”

“How many people have you killed, Rose?” Steve asked.

“It’s not that simple!” she argued.

“How many?” Steve repeated.

“I don’t know.  A lot.  I’ve been like this for a hundred years,” she said.  “It took me a long time to get control over myself.  Most vampires don’t live long.  You’re practically feral to begin with and hungry all the time.  It’s hard to control yourself enough to have any sort of self-preservation.  And he - he made me think it was the only way.  In the beginning, I was like a one-woman plague on the city.  But then I realized you could stop.  You could just take some and they’d feel woozy but it wouldn’t kill them.  I could use their powers, make them forget it ever even happened and then it was like no one even got hurt.”

She looked up at Steve.  His jaw was set, and it twitched slightly.  It was clear he didn’t agree with her on the matter.

She dropped her gaze again and hugged her arms around her body.  She’d felt like a kid who was being scolded by a disappointed parent.  It wasn’t a feeling she’d had for a very long time and she didn’t know how to process it.  “To begin with it was a lot.  The first few years the only thing controlling who or how many was him.  When I started to figure things out more, it was a lot less.  Some years none.  But occasionally I’ll stop eating, because I hate this, and the longer I go without the more feral I get.  It’s almost like whatever it is that makes me a vampire doesn’t want me to die.  If I’m out when the sun comes up, I’ll start trying to tunnel without even meaning to.  When I feel that blood lust, I’ll kill but I always turn it on people who had it coming.”

“So you become their judge, jury, and executioner?” Steve asked.

“I guess.  Yes.  I do,” she said.

His jaw twitched again.  Rose was fairly certain she wasn’t getting out of this.  She was going to be the Avengers’ personal attack dog until she died in battle or managed to escape them.

They walked in silence for a few blocks, moving well out of the chaos of Midtown and entering the calmer East Side.  They were moving quickly, even for New Yorkers.  Rose wanted to get back to her home and there was no need to slow her pace for Steve to keep up.

As they crossed over 53rd Street, Steve spoke again.  “What happened with him?  You said he wanted a pretty young plaything and your money?”

“Yes.  I was drawn to him.  I admit it.  He was handsome and foreign and he only had eyes for me.  He looked older than the people I usually dated, but it wasn’t that uncommon back then for young women to date much older men.  Especially in the circles I was in.  I guess that hasn’t changed for those kinds of circles,” she shrugged.  “I knew he wanted me and I wanted him right back.  But I just wanted to break some rules and he wanted a possession.  To begin with, I was helpless without him.  I couldn’t go home.  Not like this.  A few nights after he turned me, he took me to my parents and said he wished to marry me. My parents saw him as a good match.  He had a title. Money.  We were wed six months later at the Waldorf-Astoria.  The original one.  Where the Empire State Building is now.”

“I know of it.  I was pretty young when they tore it down though,” he said.  “I still remember the Empire State and Chrysler buildings were being built.  I’d go stand on the docks and watch the construction.”

She smiled up at him.  “It was something, wasn’t it?  Like getting to see a glimpse into the future.”

He laughed, but there was no joy to the sound.  “And now we’re living it.”

She nodded and frowned a little. “Yeah.  We are.”

The shops had started to become more boutique and high end and Rose turned left to lead him out toward the East River and away from Madison Avenue.  “How long were you married to him?”

“Twenty-five years.  Not long in the scheme of things, but they were the longest twenty-five years of my life.  At the time it was more than half my life.  I was only just eighteen when he turned me.  And still, eighteen when we married.  I was supposed to go to college.  He took all of that from me because, for a few months, I decided to rebel against prohibition and spend time at speakeasies.  In the end, someone found me.  By then I’d stopped killing but I still had to stalk prey.  I thought they were a monster hunter, but it turned out they were from a secret government organization called ARMOR.  They recruited me for the war.  I moved my money into a private account and they helped me set up an identity I could take on and inherit the fortune when I died in the war.  I told him I was going and that if I survived and returned to this house and he was still here, I’d tell them where he slept and they’d stake him.”

“And he left?” Steve asked.

“Yes.  He trashed the place and took a lot of stuff from it, but it was worth it.  And with the money I hid, I could replace it.”

“And you’ve been alone since?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said.  “I keep expecting ARMOR to come and ask me for help again.  But they never do.  I guess teaming up with monsters is only a last resort sort of thing.”

They arrived at the steps of a large Art Nouveau mansion.  The walls were pink and on the upper floors, small balconies were surrounded by ornate wrought iron fences.  The entrance had large, arched, dark blue, double doors carved to look like the branches of a tree, with frosted glass between the branches.  Above the door was a Tiffany glass canopy that shimmered like a rainbow in the light of day, but at night looked muted.  Down each side of the door were spelled out in a mosaic of green and gold glass.

Rose led him up the steps and opened the door.

“Wow,” Steve said. “My ma always loved buildings like this.”

“It was her era I guess,” she said.  “Mine too.  When my father said he’d build us a house as a wedding present, he let me have input on styles.”

“It’s strange to look at you and think you’re old enough to be my mother,” he said.  “You look so young.  And everyone around me is so much younger than me.”

“I’m only barely old enough to be your mother,” she countered.

“I don’t know, they had them young back then,” he teased.

“Not when you were as rich as I was,” she said.  “I hadn’t even…”

She trailed off and he looked at her, his brows knitted together and his head tilted to the side.   She closed the door and leaned against it.  They’d barely made it inside the large open entry and she knew she hadn’t earned her freedom.  Yet he didn’t seem to hate her.

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Steve said.  “You won’t say his name and I think it’s more than him turning you.  What did he do to you, Rose?”

She sagged.  It had come to the part she’d hoped not to have to tell.  The things she liked to pretend weren’t real.  “When he turned me, I’d never been with anyone.  I’d been a good girl.  I was planning to lose my virginity to him.  I did.  After he turned me.  I didn’t want him anymore after what he’d done.  He didn’t give me a choice.  Sometimes he made me perform for him with the people we were going to feed from.  If I didn’t comply, he hurt me.  I heal, Captain, so the amount of pain that can be inflicted on me is brutal.  I was his plaything in the way a mouse is the plaything of a cat.  He brutalized me into submission while I was weak and confused.  It took twenty-five years to have the strength to break away from him.”

Steve took a step toward her, she didn’t move and held out his hand and tugged her into his arms.  She sagged against him.  It had been seventy years since she’d allowed herself to be weak in front of anyone.  Seventy years she’d been curating the image of the hardened vampire from fiction.  The kind of monster who didn’t hurt the innocent, but didn’t allow anyone to hurt them either.  Yet here, in the lobby of her home, it cracked and she sagged into Steve Rogers’ arms and wept.

// NEXT

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part twenty-six: "The Big Win"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Nelson, Murdock, and Page obtain a big win on a court case that makes the news. You were planning to go out and celebrate with everyone at Josie’s until you unexpectedly overhear something that keeps you at home and in tears.

Or

Your mind mentally spirals telling you that you’re not good enough for Matt.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 4.3k

a/n: This is a light angst installment with some comfort at the end! I am still steadily trying to bring all 75 (soon to be 76) installments over to tumblr but there are SO many. You can find the list of installments that are on tumblr for this series here. Also, always feel free to chat and leave some love, it is always much appreciated!

Eyes scanning the menu above the register as you waited in line, you tried to decide what you wanted to grab for dinner. You'd stopped inside a Vietnamese restaurant near The Bulletin after you got off work, starving and in a hurry.

Matt had invited you out to celebrate at Josie’s tonight with Karen, Foggy, and Marci. Their firm had won a huge case yesterday–so big of a win that it had made the front page of most print and digital news outlets in the city. Bianca was the one who'd written the piece for The Bulletin, Ellison claiming you were a little too close and therefore too biased to write the article. But you'd smiled at the front page this morning, eyes focused on the image of Matt’s smiling face next to Foggy and Karen on the courthouse steps. 

When you'd spoken to him on the phone at lunch he'd been so excited. He had been talking animatedly to you about all the calls their office had received today as you listened with a large smile on your face. You were proud of him and eager to share in his excitement tonight.

Which was why you'd decided to swing by the restaurant to grab some takeout. Your plan was to rush home and eat before changing into something less business casual and just plain casual before celebrating with your friends. And thankfully it was a Friday night, which meant you all didn't need to hold back with your celebrations. 

As you were very much considering ordering some beef pho to eat and warm you up before your walk to Josie’s later, your eye caught sight of Matt’s face on the woman's phone in front of you. Smiling, you saw it was the article about their firm and pride flooded you again. 

But it quickly left you when the young woman gasped loudly and shook her friend's arm, drawing her attention to the image.

"Oh my God," she hissed, her finger pointing at Matt’s face. "That's the sexy lawyer I told you about!"

You saw her friend glance over at the phone screen, her brows quickly rising high on her forehead at the sight of Matt’s picture. Your stomach felt like it sunk to your knees, a strange feeling washing over you. You knew you shouldn't be eavesdropping, but with what came next, you couldn't stop.

" That's the hot blind lawyer you fucked?" the friend asked in awe.

It felt like time had slowed down just as someone punched you in the gut. She slept with Matt? Your Matt? 

"Yeah, a couple of years ago when their firm just opened. I see him around the courthouse sometimes when I'm there," she continued. "Seriously, that man's tongue is magic . And his stamina is insane."

You flinched, a sick feeling swirling in your stomach. Jaw tightening, you tried to fight back the nauseous feeling in your gut thinking about her hands on Matt’s body and his hands on hers–the same hands he tenderly touched you with. 

"I actually saw him the other week," the woman continued on, entirely oblivious to your world falling apart behind her. "Was hoping to get another night with him. I mean, no one has compared since that night I had with him. And he somehow looks even more fit now under those dress shirts. But apparently he has a girlfriend? Says he's not like that anymore."

"Well whoever she is, she sounds like a lucky bitch," the friend said, eyeing the photo of Matt appreciatively again. 

Yeah, you definitely felt like you were going to be sick.

"That man is wasted on one woman," the other woman grumbled. "There's no way he's satisfied with her. Unless she's like, some sort of sex goddess rolled into a model's body."

Flinching again, you involuntarily took a step back from the pair of them. You did not want to hear this. You did not want to think about this. 

"Why would that matter? It's not like he could see her," the friend pointed out. 

The other woman laughed as if Matt’s blindness was some sort of joke. The sound grated on your nerves, your teeth grinding together. Suddenly you found yourself no longer even remotely hungry. 

Turning on your heel, you sidestepped the person behind you and headed straight for the exit. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you pushed out of the restaurant door, tugging at the collar of your coat and your blouse. For a moment, all your brain could conjure up was the sound of that woman's irritating voice moaning Matt's name. 

Tears stung at your eyes and you roughly wiped the heel of your palm over them, exhaling a rough breath and heading in the direction of your apartment. 

You just wouldn't eat dinner before going out tonight–not the end of the world.

But as you walked back to your building, you couldn't shake that gross feeling in your stomach. It was churning and twisting and at one point you were positive you were going to dart down an alley and throw up. 

You told yourself the reaction you were having was ridiculous. It's not as if Matt cheated–he had slept with that woman before he'd even known you. Years ago. And when she'd apparently propositioned him recently, the thought making you cringe, he'd turned her down. Which was good. That was not something to be upset about. 

And it's not like you didn't know Matt had a past. You'd sure as hell watched the flirting on the sidelines for the year you'd been pining for him. Foggy sure as shit had made enough comments about Matt ever since you'd known them about how Matt had been a huge flirt since his college days. Hell, you only had to look at Matt to know he attracted attention. 

It's not like you didn't have a past, either. Matt sure wasn't your first relationship or the first person you'd ever slept with. Sure, the number difference between the two of you was probably vast and you'd never had the nerve–or maybe it was also the lack of charm–to have one night stands, but you had a past, too. So it shouldn't even matter.

Though none of that logic remotely quelled the jealous and insecure beast rearing its head inside of you. Because knowing all of that didn't change the fact that you'd just had to see one of the women Matt had slept with and then hear her talk about just how great in bed he was. Your Matt. The one who held your hand and would walk you home from Josie’s, or who clung half-naked to you on an almost nightly basis. The one who you had been slowly stepping out of your comfort zone with, who made you feel safe and secure. 

As you entered your apartment building, you wondered just how you were supposed to go out to Josie’s tonight and look Matt in the face without picturing him between that woman's legs. Without thinking about that beautiful mouth–the same one you'd spent so long dreaming about kissing and now actually being able to kiss whenever you wanted for the past few months–kissing her .

You rubbed the heel of your hand over your eyes again, wiping the dampness away.

No, this was stupid. You weren't going to think about that. You loved Matt and you were happy for him and you wanted to go out and celebrate him and your friends' success. 

Crossing your arms over your chest, you made your way into the elevator. As you waited for it to ascend to your floor, you told yourself you'd stop thinking about it. 

…but you did often find yourself worrying lately that you weren't enough for Matt. He had slept around a lot before you came into the picture, clearly he had never been satisfied with just one woman. So what made you think Matt was really going to be content to just settle for you? You weren't like those confident women he always went for, which certainly translated in the bedroom. You weren't as timid with him as you used to be, but you were sure he never had to reassure those other women he had slept with. Was it just something different for him, sleeping with the shy, awkward chick? Getting you to let loose and then eventually losing interest in you when you weren't as nervous?

Your heart ached at the thought, your chest feeling like it was constricting as you unlocked your apartment door. 

No, Matt wouldn't do that. 

…but maybe it wasn't intentional. Maybe he didn't realize that's why he'd been drawn to you in the first place and when you were no longer so damn nervous and timid in the bedroom he wouldn't find you as appealing. Maybe he'd go back to the confident women he was always getting hit on by. Or maybe he'd find another awkward woman.

You were crying by the time you locked your door behind you, tears steadily streaming down your face as your mind continued to spiral. You couldn't make the thoughts and fears stop once they'd started coming. There was no way you could go out to Josie’s tonight, not like this. You'd ruin everyone's night. 

Rushing forward you flung yourself on your couch, burying your face in the cushions and crying. Your mind kept telling you this was ridiculous, that you were drastically overreacting to what had happened, but then it would moments later throw wave after wave of insecurity at you. You almost hadn’t heard your phone ringing with how hard you’d been crying into your couch cushions.

Sniffling and trying to control your sobs, your head rose from the cushions. You noted the obvious darkened and damp spot your tears had created on the gray fabric before your attention shifted to your ringtone loudly cutting through the silence in your apartment. Sliding your phone out of your dress pants pocket, you glanced down at the screen. You were grateful that it was Karen’s name you saw instead of Matt’s; you didn’t think you could manage a conversation with him right now. Clearing your throat, you tried to will the tears to stop.

“Hey Karen,” you nervously greeted, your voice cracking ever so faintly.

“Hey!” she greeted back excitedly. “Just calling to let you know I’m on my way to Josie’s, but Matt is finishing something up at the office for a minute. Foggy went to stop by Marci’s work and grab her before they headed over. Just didn’t want you to be alone wondering where everyone is at.”

“Oh, uh,” you answered hesitantly, the lie coming out of you before you knew what was happening, “I have a lead I need to follow up with tonight. For a–a story.” You hoped she didn’t catch the way your voice had broken as you spoke.

“Oh, I…thought Matt said you were coming out?” she said slowly. 

You heard the phone shift as Karen called back to Matt, who was most likely in his office. A moment later there was more shifting before you heard Matt on Karen’s phone.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Matt began, your eyes closing and fighting down another surge of tears, “I thought you were coming out to celebrate with us? Did something happen?”

“No,” you answered, voice barely audible. Clearing your throat again, you tried to sound normal. “Something just–just came up at the last minute. I need to–to follow a lead. For a story. I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ll make it.”

Fuck, you felt like a huge asshole, especially with the dejected sigh you heard over the line.

“Oh, okay,” he said slowly. “I’ll stop by after Josie’s then? I won’t stay late.”

“No!” you answered quickly, cringing when you did. “No, you just celebrate with your friends. Have fun, okay? I’ll uh, I’ll talk to you later.”

You had to hang up, tears already starting to pour back down your cheeks again. You were a monumental asshole lying to Matt like that. A shitty girlfriend for not going out and celebrating a huge win for him and a shitty friend for not celebrating your friends. 

It was better off this way, though. You would certainly bring everyone down tonight if you came out. There’s no way you wouldn’t break down at just the sight of Matt, thinking about all those other women he slept with. Thinking about how you’d never be good enough. How you’d just plain never be enough for him.

No. You needed the night in to cry out your insecurities and get your head on straight before you saw him again. You wouldn’t ruin everyone’s night, just your own. 

Pulling yourself up off of the couch, still softly sobbing like a pathetic mess, you made your way to your bedroom. You changed quickly into a pair of comfortable sweatpants and a large, comfortable shirt before turning your phone on vibrate and tossing it onto your nightstand. Then you proceeded to draw back the sheets of your bed, forgoing dinner and everything else as you buried your face in your pillow and cried.

_______

Something was buzzing near your head and you groaned, rolling over on the mattress. You had a killer headache and as you opened your eyes to the darkened room, you realized your eyes were burning, too. 

From crying yourself pathetically to sleep, you remembered a moment later. Another groan left you as all of your stupid thoughts came rushing to the surface now that you were conscious again. 

Realizing your phone was vibrating on your nightstand, you threw a hand out and grabbed it. It was barely ten at night, you’d passed out in your bed for a couple of hours apparently. 

And of course it was Matt that was calling you. That insecure feeling swirled and twisted uncomfortably in your stomach at the sight of his name on the screen. With a sigh, you answered the call, pulling the phone up to your ear.

“Matt?” you asked, voice a little thick with sleep. “Something wrong?”

“Yeah,” he answered briskly. “Why were you lying to me?”

Your eyes narrowed at his question. How did he know?

“What?” you asked him.

“You sounded off but I tried to ignore it,” he explained quickly. “Figured you were busy and distracted. So I went out to Josie’s, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So I thought I’d stop by and see if you were back from following your lead–but you’re asleep. I’ve been knocking on your door for the past five minutes. Did you even have work?”

Biting your lip, you knew you couldn’t lie. He was outside your front door after all, he’d certainly be able to hear your heartbeat.

“No,” you whispered.

There was a sharp exhale from Matt over the line before his tone softened into something timid. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked next.

“No,” you answered quickly. “No, you didn’t.”

There was a long pause, one that only grew that uncomfortable feeling in your gut. You felt nauseous waiting for Matt to respond, your palm sweating against the phone.

“You know I can hear your heart, right?" he told you. "That wasn’t entirely true." He paused a moment as your brows furrowed. "What did I do wrong, sweetheart?" he asked nervously. 

"Matt, you didn't do anything," you answered firmly.

Throwing your sheets off of you, you climbed out of your bed and headed down the hall. He was silent on the line as you moved, probably more focused on you making your way through your apartment towards the front door.

Quickly unlocking it, you swung it open to reveal Matt before you. His glasses were hiding his eyes but you could see the downturn of his mouth. You both lowered the phone from your ears, hanging up. Stepping aside, you let Matt into your apartment. You really felt like you were going to be sick now with him standing in front of you and closing the door behind himself.

"Why did you lie?" he asked, his cane gripped tighter in his hands as he gazed down at you. "What happened? Why did you–"

He abruptly paused mid-sentence, head tilting to the side. Your own head cocked to the side, wondering what had interrupted him. As you watched him, you saw his hands grip the cane even tighter, his lips pressing firmly together like he was fighting something down. His head shifted back towards you, his expression still partially hidden behind the glasses.

"Sweetheart, why were you crying?" he asked slowly. 

You blinked hard a few times. How the fuck could he know that?

"I can taste it in the air," he answered as if he could read your mind. "Tell me the truth, what happened? What did I do?" 

"I told you, you didn't do anything," you answered, voice wavering. You could feel the tears starting again.

Matt raised a hand and pulled his glasses off his face. The sight of him only had your tears spilling back out of your eyes. He looked so pained . His bottom lip was starting to tremble as he gazed down at you, his own eyes beginning to glisten with tears. 

"Talk to me," he begged. "Please."

"It's–it's stupid," you muttered.

Matt shook his head roughly, taking a step towards you. "No it's not. You're clearly upset," he said.

"I–" you broke off before you even began.

What the hell were you supposed to tell him? That you couldn't stop mentally picturing him with other women? That you felt less than? That you were afraid he was going to break your heart and leave you?

"Hey," he said, tentatively brushing his fingers along your shoulder almost as if he was too afraid to touch you. "Don't get lost in your head. Talk to me. You can always talk to me."

Wiping your hands across your eyes, you turned, making your way to your couch and sitting down. Matt hesitated a moment before he followed, leaving a bit of space between the two of you that you most certainly noticed.

"Are you–" he began nervously, clearing his throat and glancing down at his fidgeting hands, "–thinking about ending…things?"

Your eyes went wide, jaw dropping at his question. "No!" you shot out. "No, that's not it." 

He glanced back up at you, his expression still tortured, his own eyes still watering. "Then what?" he asked.

You grimaced, your gaze dropping down to your lap, hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants. "I was planning to grab something to eat before meeting you all at Josie’s," you mumbled. "And there were these two women in front of me, and one of them recognized you from that picture in the article."

You swallowed hard, recalling what she'd said. Those mental images fought to resurface with him sitting beside you and your eyes snapped shut. 

"Recognized me?" he prompted.

"From when you…slept with her," you whispered. 

Matt shifted on the couch, moving more towards you. "Sweetheart, I didn't–"

You shook your head quickly, cutting him off. "No, I know. She meant a while ago. Before we even knew each other. But I had to listen to her talk about how great in bed you were," you said with a cringe. "How she tried to sleep with you again the other week. And when she said that you had told her you were with someone, she made a comment that you'd–you'd never be satisfied with one person."

"What?" he asked, brows creasing together.

"And I knew it was stupid, and I tried to leave and forget about that even happening," you continued, a few tears still sliding down your cheeks, "but I couldn't stop picturing you with her. And then I was thinking about what she said, and I worry that she's right. That you won't be satisfied with me." Your voice picked up speed as you began blurting your fears out. "That you'll get bored of me. Or that you'll miss sleeping with someone new whenever you want. Or that you'll get tired of having to reassure me–in and out of the bedroom. Or maybe I won't be as timid in the bedroom and I'll lose whatever novelty I had for you and–"

"Stop," Matt said, firmly cutting you off. "Just stop, sweetheart. Take a breath."

Your heart was hammering away in your chest, your hands twisting the fabric of your sweatpants even faster between your fingers. 

"I'm sorry you had to overhear that," he began after a moment. "I certainly wouldn't have wanted to hear someone talk like that about you, either. But sweetheart, I love you. You're not some novelty. You're not boring. And you are more than enough." 

His hands reached out, grabbing your shoulders in a tight grip. You glanced up at him, taking in the earnest expression on his face as his eyes fixed along your left cheek. 

"I slept around because I was lonely and young and I liked the attention," he admitted. "But ever since you've been in my life, especially as my girlfriend, I have been far from lonely. I don't want anyone else. I just want you." One of his hands reached up, cupping your cheek gently. "I love you. I've told you before but I'll say it again–I have wanted you since the night your friend who's far too interested in my ass told me to buy you a drink at Josie’s. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't want to lose you."

You swallowed hard, a light laugh falling out of you at his comment about Katy. Matt's thumb gently wiped the tears off of your cheek, the rough pad stroking your skin. His words had soothed that jealous, insecure beast in your gut, but now you just felt guilty for letting those fears cloud your mind this evening.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "It was stupid, I told you it was stupid. And I should have come out but I didn't want to ruin everyone's night. I figured if I stayed in I could just wallow and maybe push it all down and tomorrow I’d be fine."

"Sweetie, don't push those feelings down," he urged. "Because that's when it comes out like this; you shove it down and then push me away instead of just talking to me."

"I'm sorry," you whispered again, shame burning in you now. "I shouldn't have. My mind just started spiraling and I couldn’t make it stop."

Matt's hands pulled you in towards him, wrapping you in his strong arms. Immediately you buried your face in his dress shirt, eyes closing as you inhaled the comforting scent of him. Your own arms hesitantly wrapped themselves around Matt’s waist in return.

“I’m sorry I ruined your night, Matt,” you apologized again into his shirt. “I’m sorry I didn’t come out and that I lied and–”

“Shh,” he shushed you, one of his hands stroking down your hair. “Stop apologizing. Just next time something like this starts growing in your mind, tell me. Please?”

You nodded against him, the tears finally stopping. Shifting above you, you felt him slowly draw you away from his chest, both of his hands coming up to hold your face gingerly in his large palms, tilting it up towards his. He smiled warmly at you, his eyes creased at the corners and filled with so much affection that you felt even more stupid for your earlier thoughts. 

“I don’t regret buying you that drink at Josie’s,” he murmured. His forehead lowered to yours, his gaze almost meeting your own. “There’s not a number far enough away from one, remember?”

Your smile grew at the little saying you’d both steadily picked up over the past few weeks about how neither of you regretted that situation Katy had practically forced on the pair of you.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back.

Closing the distance, he brought his soft lips to yours. He kissed you with so much feeling in the way his mouth moved, it was as if he wanted you to never question his love for you again. Your hands that were still on his back gripped his dress shirt tight and pulled him in further towards you, closing that little distance there had been between you on the couch. His hands still held your face firmly to his, even as he gradually and almost reluctantly broke away from your mouth. He rested his forehead against yours, a small smile on his lips.

“Did you eat dinner yet?” you asked.

He huffed out a laugh, lightly shaking his head against yours. “That is definitely not what I thought you were going to say,” he told you. “But no.”

You grinned, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips. “I can’t celebrate with Foggy and Karen, but I can try to make it up to you. I’ll order us dinner and we can celebrate here,” you offered.

Matt straightened beside you, that smile growing on his mouth. "I'd like that," he replied. "But only if I get to reassure you after dinner one more time." He shot you a wink that had you giggling. "Or maybe two more times."

Still laughing lightly, you slid a hand out from behind his back and grabbed Matt by the back of his neck, drawing him into you for another kiss. His own hands quickly dropped to your hips, pulling you onto his lap and causing you to quickly catch your balance, both legs now straddling his lap.

"And maybe–" he mumbled against your mouth between a kiss, "–one time–" his mouth landed back on yours, "–before dinner."

[undead-supernova]

I'll Pay the Price, You Won't.

Monsters in the Darkest Dark / Masterlist

Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8

plot: "I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it."

Pairings: modernrockstar!Eddie x fem!popstar!Reader (curvy!reader, bisexual!reader)

Warnings: media/public scrutiny of reader's body, hurt/no comfort, fighting, mention of smoking, my apologies

wc: 3k

You didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

Honest to God, your intentions were nothing but pure.

And yet, against all odds, your fate was sealed the moment madness broke loose.

The morning had been gentle, awoken by the smell of burnt toast and melted butter. Eyes opening to the sight of Eddie handing you a plate and a cup of coffee. It was simple. Effortless.

He greeted you with a slow kiss, leaving behind the drag of your teeth against his lips. Toast left to grow cold on the nightstand as you dragged Eddie back into bed.

Most of the morning and afternoon seemed to slip away seamlessly, with gentle kisses and sunscreen and the promise of Jeff’s cooking. And it was all fine and good that evening, laughter pouring from your lips as you sat with Eddie. With Jeff, Gareth, Grant, and Ronnie. Playing an awful round of drunken charades and talking about what was next for the band. Wondering what the next album would sound like. Ultimately, Jeff was the one to shut it down, walking into the room with ice cream and a promise to watch Taskmaster.

But Eddie wanted to head to the beach alone, saying he wanted a moment to himself. You couldn’t blame him. This night was especially beautiful, the stars sprinkled against the obsidian of the sky. The air was just right, blowing a cool breeze through your overheated bodies and leaving behind warmth.

You paused at the halfway point between the beach and your shared house, watching him tuck a cigarette between his lips. Told him you’d see him soon. You let him go, disconnecting your matching calloused fingertips before heading back to your room.

Downed a few glasses of water. Laid back on your bed. Grabbed your phone for quite literally the first time since you’d called Este the previous morning. It’d been left idle on the nightstand, finding the lack of connection quite freeing.

But there you were, ready to venture back on. 

So, you opened Instagram.

It was supposed to be a silly little post. Really, that was all it was supposed to be. A moment of nonchalance. Nothing too big. Just a wish for Mary to have a happy birthday tomorrow when you couldn’t be there yourself. A small gesture of appreciation during the stress of finals.

But as soon as it was posted, you saw the comments grow.

And grow.

And grow.

And you knew you shouldn’t have looked.

You knew.

But you did it anyways.

You pressed on that stupid little comment icon.

And you found exactly what you shouldn’t have.

“What?” you whispered to yourself before going to Google and searching your name.

And within seconds, it was there in front of you. Articles splattered with pictures of you and Eddie on the beach. Specifically zoomed in on your stomach from the side. There was one of you and Eddie sleeping, as if that wasn’t creepy enough. Three showed a red circle drawn around your tummy and the appearance of a double chin. And then there was a video of you making out from across the street, laughing and all over each other. One or two pictures of you in the club, dancing in the mosh pit.

Of course, all the pictures made Eddie look good. A fucking dreamboat. But you? Not a chance.

The articles said nothing about Eddie other than feeling bad for him. But for you, they spoke about how you “gained weight.” How you were “unhealthy.” How you looked “horrible” compared to him. That you were letting yourself go, standing next to the Rockstar who’d only “dated” thin girls; healthy girls—trying to make the words synonymous with one another. Trying to tell the public that your normal body was the problem.

And by association, you. You were the problem.

Eddie had promised privacy, safety. That this was an island of seclusion. And here the internet was, laughing at you. Laughing at Eddie for being dumb enough to be with you. Laughing at your relationship. Despite your heated kisses. Despite the grin on his face and his arms around you. Despite every pretty word that left his lips when he was given the chance.

And, yeah, maybe his words should’ve mattered more.

But you couldn’t help but consider it.

Maybe they were right. Maybe you didn’t fit.

And it was only a matter time before Eddie saw it.

You didn’t know what the breaking point was, couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause of the shift. Maybe it was one of the comments, one of the pictures. Maybe it was the metallic taste in your mouth that began to turn sour with nausea. It could’ve been the girl from last night or the way Ronnie never stopped looked at you like you were running out of time.

Regardless, you snapped.

And you knew you had to leave before Eddie had the chance. Find a way to break him gently so he didn’t feel obligated to keep dating you. Out of pity, out of politeness. 

If you left in the night, left in the shadow of the moonlight, maybe it could soften the blow. 

A swift, clean break. 

But as you started packing, you couldn’t help the tears gushing down your cheeks. Voices came at you from every part of your brain, screaming each vile word spoken about you in the last few years. 

It was too much now, the internet doing exactly what it wanted to do. You’d tried not caring. You’d tried to block out the noise and focus on the life you desperately wanted to live. Tried to let the love you and Eddie shared be the only sight, the only sound that mattered. But you just couldn’t take it anymore.

And maybe you needed to leave it all behind. Give the world what they wanted and go dark. Erase yourself from the public, from the narrative, and find a way to fade from view. Vanish into the shadows and let yourself become merely an echo in the ever-flowing chamber of public consumption. 

But where would Eddie be in all of this? What would you do with the silence, with the echoes of him drifting down your hallways? How would you be able to willingly follow that treacherous quiet? And was there any chance of survival?

It all ripped through you, your sobs ricocheting off the walls. 

And it was then that you heard his voice.

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s going on?” he asked, rushing over to you. “Are you leaving? Hey, talk to me. What happened?”

He was so beautiful in his black tank top, hair finally resting over his shoulders for the first time in days. A pretty reminder of just how much this was going to sting.

“I can’t keep dealing with this stuff,” you muttered, zipping up your suitcase. “I need to go.”

“Dealing with what?”

You couldn’t help the bitter chuckle that left your lips as you opened up your phone, still honed in on a TMZ article. He took your phone, eyebrows furrowing as he scanned the pictures. Read the accompanying sentences. 

But then he paused, avoiding your gaze. Voice growing quiet as he said, “I thought you stopped looking at social media.”

“I just wanted to post something for Mary’s birthday,” you explained. “And then…” 

“Sweetheart,” he said gently as he put the phone on the bed. “You’re so beautiful—"

“I don’t believe what they say about me,” you stated, watching his eyes widen as they finally met yours. “I’ll make that clear. I know my body is beautiful the way it is. I know that it’s my body and it doesn’t need to look the way that I’ve been told it needs to. I don’t feel bad about my body.”

“Then why…”

“Because it’s invasive,” you said. “Because I have become a target and I’ve got a lot of easy shots to take. My dating history, my weight. The validity of my bisexuality when I write about men. All of it. 

“Eddie, I am tired of being a joke. I am tired of being seen as some fictional character to write think pieces about and scrutinize and everything else. Maybe I should go into hiding for a while or something.” You shook your head, trying to go back to your frantic packing. “I don’t know. I just can’t be here.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said, pointing at his pile of clothes in the corner. “We can go back to New York and—"

“No,” you said harshly, looking at him. “I don’t want you to come with me.”

Slowly, he lowered his arm. “Uh, why not?”

You paused, knowing you had to deal the blow. Even if it was the last thing you ever wanted to do. “Because I don’t know if we should keep going. I don’t know if this is good for us. For you.”

He flinched away from you; eyes still boring into yours. “What the fuck are you even saying? That you’re just giving up on us because of strangers on the internet?” He scoffed. “Like they matter? I mean, what do they have to do with our relationship?”

His eyes widened, the reality of the situation washing over him. “If their dumb opinions win right now, what does that make me? Collateral damage? Or does that… Does that mean that I’m the problem?”

“Eddie, you’re not a problem at all—"

“It sure sounds like it,” he interrupted. “What’s the common denominator in all this? I asked you to be mine. I’m the one who got you the bikini. I’m the one who asked you to come. I’m the reason you’re given this shit.” He let out a short laugh. “I guess I’m the problem in this equation, huh? Gotta cut me out.”

“No!” you exclaimed before pointing at your chest. “I’m the problem, Eddie! It’s me!”

“Bullshit.”

“Eddie…”

“You act like you’re some problem for everyone,” he started. “With all these fucking people that love you, that see that goodness in you—see the real you. Like…you don’t even realize how much you actually shine.” He sighed, shaking his head. “And yet, you chose to be with me. I didn’t even really understand why, but I was just fucking happy to be yours.”

“Eddie, please,” you whispered. You didn’t know what you were asking. For him to stop saying these things? To stop fighting for you? To give up when you wanted nothing but to stop hurting him? 

Eddie took a step forward, eyes never leaving yours. “And I was so fucking happy because I’m crazy about you. And I thought you were, too.” He paused before his face drew closer. “Are you?”

You sniffled, no longer trying to wipe away your tears. And you cracked, unable to stop yourself from nodding. Because Eddie was what made you weak, made you bend. 

His face was so close, and his cheeks were flushed. You could smell the ocean and the faint hint of nicotine wafting off him. Could feel your callouses brush up against one another. And you were curling into yourself, daunted by the weight of his presence. By his stare.  

How could someone like Eddie still want you through all of this?

“Y-yeah,” you uttered. “Yeah, I am.”

Closer now, his forehead met yours. But your eyes still held each other, neither one of you able to look away.

“Then why can’t that be enough?”

A ragged breath left your lips. “We know why.”

“They don’t matter.”

“Maybe they’re right,” you whispered. “Maybe they see what we can’t.”

His features softened, his lower lip beginning to tremble. “Am I not worth it?”

You shook your head. “Don’t say that about yourself. Please.”

“You told me last night that you never wanted to be with anyone else,” he said, jaw tightening as his eyes glassed over. “And now you’re breaking up with me? Did you really just lead me on for six months? ‘Cause I thought you wanted to stay. That…that, I don’t know, you trusted me. Trusted what we have. Because it’s real. It’s all real. At least…at least it is for me.”

He took a step back, shaking his head. Emotions darted across his face, seeming to change every few seconds.

Frustration, anger. 

Sorrow, grief.

And then he sniffled. Tears spilled over. His face fell into a scarlet flush, lips curling open as a sob left his mouth. 

Every little detail that was surely going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

“I just don’t fit in your world,” you whispered.

“That’s fucking horse shit,” he cried, furiously wiping the tears from his eyes. “You fit in so perfectly to my life. Can you not fucking see that?”

You could only reflect him, trying to cease your tears as you watched your hearts break in real time.

“I don’t,” you whispered. “You just don’t see that yet. I’m doing this for you.”

“No, you’re doing this for you.”

“This is the right thing to do!” you exclaimed, a hiccup escaping your lips. “This is how I protect you!”

“This is how you protect yourself.”

“Eddie, please. You can’t see it yet, but I promise I’m not good for you.”

Everyone knows it, you wanted to say. They see right through me.

And in due time, he would, too.

Eddie stepped towards you, lifting his hand to your face as if he was going to caress your cheek. But he stopped, curling his fist before bringing it to his lips to try and suppress a hiccup. Shook his head. As if he knew he had lost. As if this battle was already over and he was collecting his participation trophy.

“If you do this, you’re hurting me!” he exclaimed, gasping. “And if you sit there and act like you’re not good enough for me? You’re not just wasting that shit on yourself. You’re losing me in the process.”

“Eddie, I…” You couldn’t even finish your sentence. It was all there, lodged in your throat, unable to escape.

“Do you want to lose me?” he asked, tugging at his hair. “Do you care?”

“You know I care,” you said harshly. “That’s why I have to do this.”

“No, no, no. I’m showing my cards, okay?” he croaked, pressing his hand against his heart. “I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want you. I want a life with you, and I don’t want to sit here and have to wonder what anyone else thinks about it. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t trade you for the world.

“Could you say the same?”

Your eyes darted between his, soaking in his words as they spilled from his lips. He was saying all of the right things, all of the tiny things that made you want to cave. Made you want to call this off and get into bed. Forget that you ever made a decision. But you knew that you had to do this. If it wasn’t now, it would happened eventually.

And your silence was enough for him.

 “I just,” he sighed. “I love you.”

A short gasp left your lips.

He’d said it. He actually said it.

And you were still standing there, saying nothing.

Doing nothing.

Eddie crossed his arms over his stomach, digging his fingernails into his elbows. You could see him pushing into his stomach. 

“Say something,” he pleaded.

“I’m setting you free, Eddie,” you replied, barely above a whisper. “Goodbye.”

Grabbing your suitcase, you reluctantly took a few steps towards the door.

“Why do you have to do this?” you heard him whisper, voice cracking. Like he was saying it to himself. Like he knew that this was done. 

You turned back.

“I’m here fighting for you. And you’re just…walking away.”

And though you watched him fall to his knees, cries getting louder, you didn’t help him up.

You wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to fall back into him and explain that you wanted him so badly that it was tearing you apart. That you also wanted to fall to the floor, contort yourself into a fetal position and hyperventilate. That you understood. 

But you didn’t.

Like a coward, you walked away. 

You sat on a bench by the pier for a while, sobbing into your hands, drenching your skin in salty tears. Listened to the crashing of the ocean, the white noise driving you to the brink of insanity. You stayed there until the sun came up, regretting everything you’d said. Everything you did. 

But it was already too late, catching the first boat back to the mainland.

So now you were sitting on the back of a boat, staring at the empty dock as you waited to pull away.

And in the distance, you thought you saw Eddie standing there.

But it wasn’t him.

It was Ronnie, with her arms crossed over her chest, giving you a scowl. Body rigid as she watched you go.

“You’re nothing but a coward.”

“I know you’ll gladly throw it away just because it isn’t the fucking fairytale you imagined.”

But there was one other thing Ronnie had said to you, the one that stayed stuck in your mind the entire way back.

“Don’t drag someone into your fucking mess if you can’t clean it up.”

And that’s exactly what you were. A godforsaken mess that had to be removed before you could ruin Eddie’s life any further. And if it cut you to the core, sobs wracking your body the moment you fell into Scott’s arms at the airport, then so be it. 

“What did he do?” he asked, pulling you further into the private lounge.

You merely shook your head, clutching your fifth tissue smattered in tears and snot. “It was me. I’m just a fucking mess. A stupid, idiotic fool. A coward. A fucking idiot. I—” 

You choked on another sob, curling further into his chest.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “You’re not any of those things, okay? You’re only human.”

Not to anyone else, you wanted to say. I’m not a human being. I’m just a machine for others to gawk at. 

“I wish I could go back to the beginning.”

“As much as I wish I could take you back…” Scott sighed. “Darlin’, none of us can go back.”

Seven hours later, you ended up back at your New York house without paparazzi sneaking into the airport. Sat in the deafening silence, all alone. Went to your bed, alone, staring at the made bed. Shook your head. Decided to go back downstairs. Laid on the couch, curling into a fetal position.

You didn’t know how long you stayed there, making yourself as small as you could. But you watched dusk turn into dawn. And as the cold light of morning washed over you, you realized that your life was never going to be the same. Eddie Munson was gone.

And as far as anyone knew, so were you.

as always, a big thanks to @strangergraphics for her lovely dividers. sorry to *gunshot* you all in the process of releasing this!

[justenjoythegossip]

CHRIS WILL BE JUST FINE…

A portion of Chris’ fandom is really mad at him for accepting to be part of a shitshow with such a problematic girl. And rightfully so. But it’s important to keep something in perspective: Chris is going to be just fine.

Stars have gotten away with much worse

I saw this article this morning about celebrities being involved in big scandals. https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/wild-forgotten-celeb-controversies

There are many more that didn’t make the list and definitely could have. Even recently, Greta Gerwig’s partner left the mother of his unborn child to be with her. It’s awards season so of course, it has been buried. Same situation with Claire Danes’ sordid affair with Billy Crudup a long time ago. 

So many of these Hollywood folks are problematic and have gotten away with it and continue to get away with it. 

Their behavior range from the problematic to the horrific and criminal. 

Casey Affleck allegedly assaulted a woman sexually and settled his case out of court. He won an Oscar for Manchester by the sea anyway. If people are curious, look at how Brie Larson handed his awards. She knew!

According to Rose McGowan, his brother Ben Affleck would have told her after she had confessed to him that Weinstein (let's not even discuss him) raped her: “I told him to stop doing that”.  

Allegedly a former girlfriend of Fassbender pressed charges against him after he violently assaulted her. And I could go on and on. 

Many have done much worse than being in a PR relationship with someone problematic and have gotten away with it. So in the grand scheme of things, Chris will be just fine. His “relationship” with Abba will be buried and soon it will be a forgotten memory, only remembered by a small portion of his fandom. 

Chris’ darker side

Chris’ history is rather tame compared to all those super problematic people and or criminals that are still on the loose. 

But yes, he has made mistakes in the past like everyone else and he has done his fair share of problematic stuff as well. In his younger days, there were rumors of fights and being thrown out of bars. There has been rumors of drug use. There was that messy affair with a married costar during the shooting of Gifted. Also let’s not forget the more recent papwalk in London with Lily James during Covid Lockdown to clean her sniffing cocaine in the park. The pairing of Captain America and Cinderella was a good idea on paper but the execution was atrocious and tactless. It was already a sign of his team’s gross incompetence and miscalculation. There was also the leak of the screenshot of his phone. The d..k pic was all people talked about but some of the other pictures were even more problematic, not as embarrassing of course but more problematic.

Also Chris’ friends and family and Chris himself have trolled his fandom for years. A day before he left for Portugal at the beginning of this shitshow, he tweeted a pic of himself and wrote something like: “I love my fans and Dodger loves you too”. He then hopped on a plane and purposefully filmed a video for that teacher from his hotel room in Lisbon so that his fans (plants?) could place him there. And surprise surprise, there was some backlash on certain platforms and just afterwards he or his team tweeted a picture of him with a bald kid with cancer. It was actually the low point for me. Much worse than anything he did with Abba. I think the picture was 2 years old and I know celebrities use charities to make themselves look good all the time. But using the pic of a sick child for damaged control was as low as you can get. I am not sure he promoted Christopher’s Haven ever since. 

And of course, there are still the ongoing shenanigans with the Nazi sympathizing yacht girl…

But like Chris said in an interview the past year, the industry makes you do things you don’t want to do. Hollywood is indeed a snake pit where they sometimes force you to compromise yourself and play certain games if you want to be successful. That is part of the price to pay.  

He needed a change in his PR image

Chris was at a good place in his career after Endgame. Knives Out was a huge hit and Defending Jacob got good reviews. He seemed to have diversified but Covid happened and derailed a lot of stuff. Little shop of Horrors was canceled. He didn’t have Marvel to fall back on and he seemed to be at a crossroads career wise and PR-wise. He couldn’t remain the perfect internet boyfriend and play Prince charming waiting for the one forever. He had to evolve into more adults parts as well: husbands, fathers etc. 

This is probably why his team came up with this PR relationship and those kinda of weddings. Again it was a good idea on paper because it enabled them to change his image in a natural and organic way. But the execution was again as disastrous as it gets. Abba was not a good fit for him and she was not a good choice especially if they wanted to rebrand him as a family man. 

The question remains whether she is the only one who agreed to this charade. Indeed the contract’s terms seem rather drastic. She has never been able to even post anything about him (just his dog) or about marrying him. She has mostly hid for the past years and just popped up for PR events or reasons. And given the GQ event, it's likely she is not even allowed to speak in public. Remember the articles saying she was rude and refused to talk to the media. Who would agree to this kind of contract but a desperate clout chaser with little prospect? 

An artist’s career is full of ups and downs. Hopefully, once this is over, Chris will get opportunities to expand on his body of work with more diverse roles. I think Pain Hustlers was supposed to do that for him but even if he was rather good in it, the movie wasn’t. I do think he has the acting chops to do it. Whether or not he will get such opportunities is another question… I am not sure this shitshow would have helped him at all in that regard but time will tell.

[calif0rniahighwb1ll]

Omg hi!! I was wondering if you could write maybe something will bill in like 2007-2009 with a girlfriend that's in the band? The rest of the band know they are together but the public doesn't know until they slip up(there was already signs but nothing was confirmed) and all the fan girls figure out , and they are already don't like the reader because shes a girl in a band with 4 guys, how would this affect their relationship?

I don't really request so I didn't know how to word this sorry

-🍰💫

ofc!! I hope that I understood your request correctly and that it turned out how you wanted! <3 ( this is btw my first ever fanfic on tumblr, so if there are any writing mistakes, I apologize 😭 english isn’t my fist language, but I’ll try my best!)

Complications

„How do you do that?“ I asked genuinely interested the twin brother of my boyfriend, who was just playing something on his guitar again. He smiled at me. „Years of practice,“ he explained, whereupon I started laughing. I would probably never learn an instrument, I was just too impatient for that.

Warm hands suddenly wrapped around my hip and I immediately knew who it was. My cheeks had received a visible pink tone and my lips twisted into a grin. I felt Bill’s breath on my neck, which he kissed lightly. „Where have you been, babe? I missed you,“ he mumbled, whereupon I had to giggle and went through his spiky, soft hair with my hand. I wondered every time, how his hair could withstand all the chemicals contained in the dyes and all the cans of hairspray.

I looked into his pretty, brown eyes. “Where I have been? Where have you been! I missed you as well.” I said grinning. He lifted an eyebrow and a little smile appeared on his face. “I was running away from screaming girls and flashing cameras, just a normal day.” He said, sighing a little. Tom made a weird sound, which made my head turn into his direction. He was looking at us.

“Well, you guys know that you can’t hide your relationship forever. Sooner or later, it will come out. They will always find out.” Tom said with a little concern in his voice. My stomach twisted in an uncomfortable way and I shared a look with bill. I was pretty aware of that and I knew, that it was just a matter of time until everyone will know about our little secret.

“I know, but as long as we can, we will keep it undercover.” Bill said and I nodded in agreement. “I think that you’ll can’t do that for long anymore. They’re already signs.” Tom said and grabbed a newspaper from this morning. He handed it too bill and Bill opened the paper to find the article about the rumors. I looked too and there it was. It wasn’t so large so it didn’t got much attention, but it was still there.

„Frontman of Tokio Hotel was seen suspiciously close with the star-girl of the band! Could there be a possible relationship between the two? Does it affect the band? ...“ The article was not very long, but it was still visible and you immediately saw, that it was Bill Kaulitz in the photos. I was only seen from behind and my face was not great to see, yet we were close to each other. Slowly I shook my head and looked desperately at Bill, who seemed thoughtful.

„Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if we just dissolved it,“ I said, staring deep into the eyes of Bill, who also now looked at mine. He pulled his eyebrows together. „Yes, probably, but it’s not that easy. I don’t want to drag you in there.“ His voice seemed worried and slightly anxious, which immediately made my chest tighter. My hand found his cheek, which I gently stroked.

„Hey, everything will be fine, I’m sure of it. You don’t have to worry, Bill. I have you, I know you will always take care of me. You’ll see, everything will go great as soon as everyone knows!“ I said cheeringly, but Bill’s half smile he gave me didn’t reach his eyes.

My heart raced and I felt Bill’s hand holding mine tight. The black sunglasses only protect a little from the violent lightning storm, which took us from all sides. The next day had begun and our „little secret“ was no longer so small. Reporters stood on every corner, asking unpleasant questions that we avoided.

Bill kept looking down at me to make sure I was okay, but I was already used to it. I have been part of the band for two years now and since I joined the band in 2006, I have already been included in the world of the band.

„Just look! There’s his girlfriend!“ Suddenly screamed a girl, who had stood between the reporters and now behind her a huge crowd of fans came towards us. Fear spread in me and I now clung to Bill’s arm, who now also took faster steps. He bent down to me, which only made the snapping of the cameras louder.

„Don’t panic, we’re almost there,“ he said gently, which calmed me down a little, but still did not completely free me from the nervousness that was spread throughout my body. The last steps were now taken and we all quickly rushed through the door of the studio.

The first preparations for the new album were sue, which is why we had a lot to do and thus spent a lot of time in the studio. Bill sighed with relief when he took off his sunglasses and looked at me. I did the same. His hands now held my face, which immediately captivated me. „I love you,“ he whispered and now pulled me closer to let his lips dance passionately on mine. We ignored everything and it was nice until Tom’s call brought us to the here and now.

„Stop!“ He called and came up to us to pull us apart. Bill stared at his brother stunned and was just about to say something, but I put my hand on his mouth to stop him. It was dead silence.

„Bill,“ I whispered and took my hand from his mouth. „What-“ he stopped his sentence, when he looked in the same direction as me. A group of girls, all with their cameras, had caught us. In addition, a larger group of reporters. My shocked look was found by Bill, but he was exactly the opposite of me. He didn’t look shocked or scared. He looked rather relaxed and calm.

„It’s in the news.“ it now came from Georg, who had turned on the TV in the meantime. Goosebumps spread on my body and my hands found my face. „Shit.“ I murmured and now felt Bill’s cold hands, gently enclosed my hands and freed them from my face. A smile lay on his lips, which left me confused.

„Fuck it,“ he said, his eyes sparkled just like his black hair, which smoothly framed his head. „Everyone should know that you are all mine and I belong to you. From my sight, the whole world can find out! I stand by you and I think we should stop hiding our feelings. They will understand it sooner or later,“ Bill said and stroked his thumb over my open lips. He was right.

I blushed. „That was really sweet,“ I said smiling, which made him give me a toothy grin. He came closer and pulled me into a long kiss again. This time it didn’t matter that all the fan girls were still glued to the window and photographed and filmed every inch of our kiss, because we were no longer interested in the opinion of others. It only counted him and me, everything else was unimportant and I will proudly present, how much he means to me.

[bullet-prooflove]

I went for safety by choosing from an old prompt list. So, still with Juice, "I'm following the map that leads to you", please?

Btw, as you told me I could pop a few requests in, I might send another one for someone else. But I haven't decided who yet so we'll see tomorrow...

Canvas!Series:

Canvas - You've brought so much colour into Juice's life.

Follow Me - Your ex Ronnie realises you have a new boyfriend.

Runaway - Juice comes home to find you absent.

Goodbye - Juice recieves a phone call from you in the middle of the night.

Love Letter (feat: Filip 'Chibs' Telford) - Juice begins to spiral.

It’s Evelyn that gives Juice the map, the one with your location highlighted with a red felt tip heart. He keeps it in the passenger seat of the truck as he makes the drive up to Spring Creek in Nevada. It’s been almost a year since he last laid eyes on you, since you’d called him from a pay phone in a shitty motel in Carson City to say goodbye. He’d been up there a couple of times to find you but the trail had always gone cold, now he knows why.

You were an artist with barely two cents to rub together, you didn’t have the resources to vanish the way you did. He’d assumed you’d had help, he’d just never realised how close it was to home.

“Did Chibs know?” he’d asked Evelyn as he’d sat at the kitchen table in the home the two of them shared.

“Not until this morning.” She had told him as she set the mug of hot chocolate down in front of him. “Keeping the secret gave him plausible deniability.”

Which means it gave the club plausible deniability. If anyone discovered her complicity in a network that helped to spirit women and children away from abusive situations, being disbarred would be the least of her worries.

“You saw what it did to me, you knew…” He trails off bitterly, his eyes stinging.

He’d almost killed himself last year, shot himself up with so much dope, he’d woken up choking in a pool of his own vomit. He’d been lucky that time. It should have been a wake up call but it wasn’t.

“That’s why she sent the letter.” Evelyn explained to him. “She couldn’t stand the thought of you blaming yourself.”

It had taken him weeks to read it. By that point he’d gone so far down the rabbit hole he didn’t know which way was up. It was Chibs that saved him, that forced him to read the letter, to understand it wasn’t his fault that you’d left.

“Why now?” Juice asks her, gesturing to the map and Evelyn picks up the newspaper from the counter and tosses it onto the table in front of him.

3 Dead During DEA Drug Raid, the headline reads.

“Her ex, he’s one of them.” Evelyn tells him, tapping her finger on the article. “I’ve told her it’s safe to come home but…”

“…but she doesn’t know if she has anything to come back to.” Juice finishes as he leans back in his chair.

“A year is a long time Juan.” Evelyn reminds him. “As far as she knows you’ve moved on, got yourself another girl.”

“No.” He says resolutely as his gaze strays to the garden outside of the window. “I fucked around in the beginning but there’s never been anyone that comes close to Simone.”

Eight hours later Juice finds himself standing on the doorstep of a cabin in Spring Creek. It’s the first time in almost a year he’s felt hope.

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