#i should be working on my physics project rn but no

[bloomberrypint]

Made a collage cover for my notebook that I'll probably never use </3

[mbat]

anyone else have like, a messy/nontypical setup (as opposed to their usual one) when doing a several days long project and its kinda... everything? in a good way?

it just feels like... wow, im doing something, and it feels good that its taking up space, and itll feel physically different when its done

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | sixteen.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing/mature language, seonghwa, physical fighting, mingi calling his friend out on his stupidity, crying, sorry if i missed anything.. quickly edited this lol, yunho is just mad and overwhelmed with his feelings rn 😭

yunho: baby

yunho: wait at the science building later, please? i'll come get you so we can walk to my car together

you: okee ☺️

yunho: ☺️ see you later? enjoy the rest of your classes

you: you too, my bighead!

Yunho smiles at his phone before tucking it away, slowly following Yeosang to their group study session.

"Should I even ask why you're smiling like that?" Yunho looks up at Yeosang and chuckles.

"Just Y/N."

"Of course. Is she in class?"

"Yup. She's in the back row being all distracted."

"Perfect way to pass time in my honest opinion." Yeo clears his throat. "I've been meaning to ask you out of curiosity."

"What's up?"

"Have you guys told each other 'I love you' and everything?" 

"Mm, no. Not yet at least."

"Not yet?" Yeosang smiles. "You feel that way for her, don't you?"

"I do. I just.. I don't know? I don't know if it's too soon. What if I scare her off?"

"Nah, doubt that. You can't put a timer on these things."

"True. Plus, it sounds cliché and like it's out of a movie, but I truly wanna wait 'till it feels right to say it to her."

"That makes sense."

"Trust me, I really do feel that way for her." He lets out a breath as they look towards the library building, the sun from behind slightly blinding them as they approach the doors. "She has literally become my bestfriend. It's crazy how life works."

"I know. I remember when you first told me you were helping her out for literature." Yeosang chuckles. "Or when you'd save her in the back lot."

"Still can't believe that was even real." Yunho does a tiny head tilt. "He's really something."

"What was up with Y/N's birthday thing? How did he even know?"

"I don't know. Word gets around fast. Why wouldn't Seonghwa know? Especially since it has to do with Y/N."

"Can't wait till the day he leaves you two alone. Must be fucking annoying to deal with."

"I try not to mind it. Though, I think he's been getting bolder lately and I can't put my finger on it."

"Has Y/N said anything?" He shakes his head.

"No. Maybe I'm just overthinking. She just seemed a little weird about him at her birthday party."

"Well, yeah. It's Seonghwa." Yeosang waves at their study group sitting at the far end of the library in the loud section.

"Yeah, but, I don't know. It was different. She seemed bothered about something but she hasn't told me anything. I assume it's not a big deal."

"Hm. Well, I'm sure it's not either. Just Seonghwa being himself, maybe."

"Mm, whatever though." Yunho greets the study group as they approach the table. "She's my girlfriend now, and that won't change." Yeosang gives him a small smile before they settle with the group and begin their long study session together.

"Remember, we have a test next class. Make sure you study everything I included in the study guide. Don't skip on anything just because you think it's a minor detail! Nothing is minor!" Your professor says before dismissing the class. You let out a sigh, already stressing over the next test. You didn't do bad on the first test, but you also didn't do the greatest. Thankfully, you're still at a good point in the semester, which gives you enough time to pull your grade up.

Once the initial rush of people leaving the classroom dies down, you pack up your things and head out the door. You hurry out of the classroom and down the steps, excited to see your boyfriend after yet another long day. For a split second, the building is crowded with other students leaving their classes and heading to their next destination— whether it be the next class, the library or to their cars. It's a sudden swarm of people that you don't even realize Seonghwa had stepped out of his own class, following you down the corridor.

"Y/N." You hear Seonghwa's voice behind you. You try to mind your own business, subtly rolling your eyes as you walk out of the science building to reunite with Yunho. 

Except, he isn't exactly there yet and Seonghwa grabs you by the wrist.

"Y/N." He repeats, turning you to face him.

"What are you doing?" You question him.

"Just a second." You let out a loud, heavy sigh. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like you ignoring me. You haven't answered any of my texts or calls—"

"Why do I need to?" You raise a brow. "You're not actually serious, right? I have no reason to respond to you, Seonghwa. Don't you have places to be, people to see?" You pause. "Don't you realize you're a little too late? This was something I needed from you way before. I don't need it from you now."

"I know it's late, but I don't wanna give up on this."

"This? This has been done for a long time, you and I both know that. You're only worried about losing the only safety blanket you've ever had. Why can't you just move on and let me be happy?"

"Happy?" Seonghwa almost scoffs. "With him? Okay, baby." He shakes his head. "Listen. Enough of this for real. Can you please just hear me out, I'll explain and apologize properly—"

"Seonghwa, stop calling me that. What don't you understand about no?" You say almost at a whine, his hand still having a grip on the edge of your wrist. You truly don't want to entertain this, but Seonghwa almost gives you no way out, no way around his bullshit, and unfortunately, that'll be the root of everything that unfolds tonight. Yunho is happily [and eagerly] making his way down to you after the long, heavy study group session, while Yeosang decides he's gonna stay behind in order to hit the gym and get his workout in. Yunho is a few minutes late, but he knows you'll still flash him that beautiful, million-watt smile he adores so much before wrapping your arms around him.

He can't wait.

But, Yunho slows in his steps just as he's close to the front doors; familiar voices filling the surprisingly empty, quiet space.  It's you, and he already feels himself boiling with anger when he hears who else is occupying your time right now.

"Why haven't you even said anything about the flowers and the card I gave you? Did you even get them?" Yunho overhears Seonghwa ask you, and he furrows his brows. What flowers and card? You don't answer right away, and Seonghwa is quick to follow up. Yunho doesn't even get to hear your response about it and the most upsetting part of all this— is that this is how he finds out about everything.

Not from you, but from Seonghwa.

"You couldn't even send me a text? I was worried you didn't get it. I wanted to talk to you afterwards."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Yeah, what is there to talk about?" You and Seonghwa turn towards Yunho, who stands there with his hands dug deep into his pockets. His jaw is slightly clenched, head titled to the side while he waits for a response. Seonghwa lets out a pathetic chuckle, hand slipping down your wrist as he fully faces him.

"Loverboy sounds upset over a little talk."

"A little talk? Is that an add-on for the flowers and card you sent her?" Yunho sounds more stern, more angry. You can't even blame him, but at the same time, it's unusual for you to hear him this way. You're not sure what could come out of this and you don't necessarily want to find out.

"I'm sorry, should I have sent you some, too?" Seonghwa steps closer to him and the panic starts to settle in for you. You wish someone, anyone, was around to help. Because although you don't think Yunho will let this blow out of proportion, you aren't 100% about your answer. You're not sure how Yunho manages his anger in these situations and you're not sure what triggers him; what tips him over the edge and is the 'cherry on top.' Seonghwa has always rubbed him the wrong way and you don't think this could end remotely pretty. "I'll take note of that for next time so you don't have to sit there and stare at Y/N's."

How you wish Seonghwa had just gotten the point. Why couldn't he just let you be? Why was he out to ruin your happiness so badly?

"Seonghwa. This is done. Let it go." You warn him, but it doesn't clear anything. You aren't getting through to any of them.

"Back up. I'm not asking." Yunho clenches his jaw as he comes face to face with Seonghwa, making him give off a small scoff.

"Aw. Loverboy's mad—" And that's exactly the tipping point for Yunho. He's not sure why, he usually has a lot of patience. He usually brushes things off easily, doesn't hold a grudge or stay angry for long. But, Seonghwa? He was a different story, especially because of the history you have with him. Every little thing about Seonghwa pisses him off— down to the way he moves, breathes, acts like he can always get his way so easily, so quickly. Before he can even think about the consequences, or how you'd feel, Yunho swings at him, making Seonghwa stumble backwards. 

"Yunho!—" You gasp, Yunho's initial punch is pretty rough that it had Seonghwa in shock before being able to register what just happened.

"Fuck you—" Is all Seonghwa spits out before going at Yunho. The two continue to go at it, pushing and gripping at each other's shirts, rough attempts at landing punches;

They're almost successful with tearing each other's heads off until you step in between and get involved.

"Stop!" You step in between to try and prevent the fight from escalating even more. "Stop it!" You push Seonghwa back when he tries coming for Yunho, a campus security guard dashing towards all of you to completely break up the scuffle.

"Knock it off! The hell are you two doing acting like this on campus? I suggest you two part ways now before we call the cops over!"

"Yo, what the fuck?!" Mingi comes from around the corner, grabbing at Seonghwa's arm to pull him back. "The fuck are you doing, dude?" He looks at his bestfriend in disbelief.

"Why don't you ask your friend who fucking started it—"

"Me?" Yunho spits, while Seonghwa wipes the blood at the corner of his lip. "I wouldn't have had to if you just knew how to back the fuck off!" Yunho is angry, continuing to raise his voice. "Let me catch you sending shit to my girlfriend one more time and see what the fuck I'll do—" 

"Yunho." You say softly, tugging back at his arm.

"Are you serious?" Mingi looks at Seonghwa. "You don't go messing around with people's relationships, Hwa. You need to let this go, you look crazy!" 

"Oh, so all of a sudden you're sticking up for your friend?"

"Yeah, because he is my friend and it's just shit you don't do! What the fuck don't you understand about that?! You fucking deserved that shit!" Mingi shakes his head before pushing Hwa forward, pulling him off to the side to continue talking to him. 

"Babe." You turn to Yunho after Mingi and Seonghwa create good distance, hand coming up to cup Yunho's cheek. But, he turns, slightly shaking his head at you. You pull your hand back and feel your heart drop, the look in Yunho's eyes being one that you've never experienced before.

Sadness, hurt, anger. 

Mostly sadness, hurt.

"What flowers was he talking about, Y/N?" His chest is still rising at a somewhat uneven pace, doing his best to calm down after the adrenaline rush.

"H-he left them at my doorstep after we came back from the snow. I'm really sorry, Yunho, I didn't tell you because I tossed it out and—"

"But still, it's the fact that you didn't tell me after all this time." Yunho's brows are tightly knitted together, and the look causes your heart to sink even deeper. "Why did you have to let me find out this way? Were you going to tell me about this too if I hadn't come right away?"

"I just didn't get around to telling you because I didn't think it would matter— Seonghwa doesn't matter."

"If he didn't, then wouldn't you be able to tell me without questioning it so much?"

"Yunho, no. I'm sorry, no." You repeat, tears pricking your eye lids. "I didn't mean for it to seem like that. I really didn't mean to hide this from you."

"Did you think about keeping them?"

"I—I, no. I thought—" Yunho hears you stuttering and his throat suddenly feels dry. Why can't you just tell him? Even if Seonghwa didn't matter to you, why couldn't you trust him enough to tell him? 

Why couldn't you feel comfortable enough to tell him?

"Be honest with me, Y/N. That's all I've ever asked. Did you or did you not think about it keeping it?" Silence. And god, it is the most gut-wrenching silence Yunho has ever endured.

Yup. Got it. 

The answer is clear.

You did think about Seonghwa. You thought about accepting the flowers as his apology, you thought about the possibility— even if it was for a brief, splitting second. Seonghwa did matter for one fucking second, and that's what bothers him.

"Yunho, please. I just thought—" You can barely get through your sentences.

"Did you, or did you not?"

"I thought about keeping it, but it was so stupid. I was just blinded for a second, and I realized it didn't matter to me. He doesn't matter to me. At all. I promise. Everything just caught me off guard." You try to grab for his hand but he steps back. "Yunho, it was all stupid. I tossed it out so quickly. I wasn't going to do anything, I wasn't going to text, nothing."

"But, why does it feel like after everything he's put you through, you still believe he'd genuinely change? Why does it feel like a part of you is still actually holding onto that?" Well, when Yunho says it to your face like that, you feel dumb. Not once did you ever think about running back to Seonghwa and leaving this behind. But, you were blinded in that quick second from your history with Hwa, being close and sharing moments for months. Asking Seonghwa for little gestures like this, for more attention; even though it was a ride, you still had history.

And yes, maybe at one point you wanted to be the girl that changed him.

But today, you can't even imagine going back to that point. Not after being with Yunho, not after the happiness he's brought you.

Not after you realize how much you genuinely and truly love Yunho. 

You don't wanna lose him.

This is all so stupid, and a huge misunderstanding. But, you're the only person to blame here— if you hadn't given Seonghwa the time of day, if you had just told Yunho right away without second-guessing it, if you hadn't hesitated; you wouldn't be here right now.

"I'm not!" Your tone raises and it sounds like a whine at this point. "I'm not, Yunho. Please."

"Look, tonight was a lot." He sighs, running his hand through his hair before wincing and looking down at his knuckles. "I was excited to see you after a long day, Y/N. I was really looking forward to being with you. I wasn't expecting all of this and honestly, I don't know what's worse? Stumbling upon all of this the way I did, or not knowing at all."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It was stupid and fucked up of me, and I'm sorry." You repeat, tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Maybe you just need to think about what you really want." Yunho shrugs. "I thought you were over the whole thing with Seonghwa, but clearly not if you're still considering on giving him the time of day."

"No, no, Yunho. Please don't. It's not that." You try to lace your hand with his, but he gently brushes it off with a shaky sigh. He doesn't wanna leave you. He never wants to be without you. But, tonight was a lot for him to handle, and it is overwhelming. He hasn't really felt this protective over someone. Of course, it's only natural since you're his girlfriend. He'll always protect you. It's just that Seonghwa brings something out of him that he doesn't necessarily like, and he wants it to be gone for good. It feels unhealthy and icky;

The anger, the frustration, the anxiety.

He hates it. And he doesn't want this to be a thing in your relationship. Plus, he still feels himself fuming with anger and he just can't possibly talk to you while he feels that way.

So yes, he's overwhelmed and he needs to get over this.

"No, seriously. You really should think about it. I know where I stand but I'm not so sure you do." He lets out another disappointed sigh. "I'll take you home, but we should probably just be in our own places tonight."

"Okay." You say close to a whisper, sniffling as you wipe away at your face. You don't even try to fight it anymore simply because you know Yunho needs his space right now. He begins to walk off with you slowly trailing behind, head hung low after everything that happened tonight. Everything happened so fast you're also having to process it all on this walk over to the lot. Suddenly, you're pulled out of your thoughts when you hear footsteps picking up behind you, followed by a familiar, deep voice.

"Yo, wait up!" Mingi says. "You good? I'm sorry about him, he's actually losing it."

"You're sorry? Mingi, when the fuck is your friend gonna grow up so that you're not apologizing on his behalf?" Mingi lets out a breath as his eyes dart from you, back to Yunho's. "Seriously. I don't mean to throw that your way, but it's not even just about tonight. Your friend knows no boundaries and that's crazy to me."

"I know, he's got things to sort through but that's his own problem now. I already told him multiple times. Me and San did." Mingi shakes his head.

"Doesn't take much to grow the fuck up and take ownership of your own fuck-ups once in awhile."

"Let him keep learning the hard way. He will, eventually. He deserved that tonight."

"He can try all he wants, nothing's gonna change between me and her. Hope he understands I'm not going anywhere after tonight."

"Of course." Is all Mingi could respond with because of course Yunho wouldn't go anywhere— why the fuck would he let Seonghwa get in the way? He shouldn't. And Seonghwa needs to know that. "Anyway, just wanted to see if you two were okay. For real." Yunho sighs.

"Mmyeah. Thanks." He responds as Mingi daps it up. "We're just gonna head home."

"Drive safely. Text me if you need me." Mingi gives you a small smile before running off to tend to his friends, San now also getting dragged into all his mess. 

The walk over is quiet, but Yunho still opens the passenger door for you when you finally get to his car. You hate the silence that falls between you two, but you understand Yunho is upset and needs his own time away from everything, from you, even. You can't help but cry even more into your hands when he pulls into the apartment lot, Yunho letting out a breath as he puts the car in park. He looks over at you and his heart breaks because he truly hates to see you cry, and he never wants to be the reason behind you being sad or hurt.

"Hey. Don't." He says softly, hands coming up to pry your own hands away from your face. He gently wipes the tears away, making sure no drop is missed. 

"I'm sorry, Yuyu." You repeat.

"I know, it's okay."  He says, even though right now, it's not.

"Is it?"

"Let's get you home, okay?" He just looks at you with a soft expression before unbuckling his seatbelt. He comes over to open your door, locking his car when you step out and slowly make your way to your apartment. When you get to the steps, you turn towards him with a small pout. Yunho pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head, wiping any remaining stragglers from staining your cheeks. He's not happy, but he's trying to send you off on a calm note— hoping this could at least ease you for the night. "Get some rest."

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" He doesn't say anything before he pulls away and takes a few steps backwards. "Yunho." You call for him in that tone of yours that always makes him so weak.

"Y/N, please. I just need to shake this off. That's all. Goodnight." All you can do is simply walk away before running up the steps and into your apartment. Chaery is the only one home, cleaning her dishes after cooking a good meal for all of you to share.

"My love is home! I cooked!" She says happily, but her smile dies when she sees you set your bags down and cry into your hands. She drops everything and rushes over, throwing her arms around you while guiding you to the couch. "Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" She brushes the hair away from your face while you continue to cry. You don't respond for a bit, signaling for Chaery to just hold you and let you be.

You cry, and you cry.

Because you already miss Yunho, and you feel so dumb for overthinking the entire thing, for not being honest with him. It was a stupid mistake, but you hope Yunho knows you truly weren't out to hurt him. 

You hope he can forgive you and move past this— with you, together.

Because today and so on, he's all you want. You love Yunho, and there's no one else that completes you the way that he does.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 @araknoid @bintificreads @primoppang @betray-the-light @aurorasjoongie @wineyoungie @yunhotteokkk @yungigiggles @jaerisdiction @ignoretheskies @luminouskalopsia @naeviscall @vixensss @choisansplushie @arya9111 @my-lightspirit @dazednconfusion @astro-doll-the-star @faesmingi @idfkeddieishot @startinystay @emily505 @mgdixon @mcsalterego @cheynalexilaiho @svintsandghosts @mismatchfluffysocks

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[campgender]

hey! I'm currently writing a paper discussing experiences of disabled and neurodivergent students at my uni (spoiler alert: it's not great lmao), and while I have a couple references so far (mostly Lund and Pearlstein) about the larger Disabled Student ExperienceTM I'm struggling to find academic papers talking about this, particularly since my field of study is psychology rather than disability theory/disability justice. are there any texts regarding this that you would reccommend? doing my best to lean on crip theory for this essay and you were the first person i thought of! no worries if you don't have the energy to answer this rn ofc, i hope you're having a good day ✨

omg what a fabulous & vital project! i’d love to hear more about your work both out of interest & to potentially refine my recommendations because this is such a complex, multifaceted area of experience + research + activism — i tried to draw from a variety of perspectives so you can dig deeper into what seems most relevant!

my number one recommendation is the book Academic Ableism by Jay Dolmage, i still need to read most of it rip but it’s absolutely considered foundational in this topic. the rest i’m gonna put under a cut because it got super long lol, i’ll also reblog to my disability sideblog @crippleprophet in case anyone else has suggestions!

best of luck with your work, i hope some of this is helpful! feel free to reach out for more recommendations, input, or encouragement❣️💖

on the built environment – eg, the physical campus & how it impacts students

if you’re in the US, this summary of colleges’ responsibilities under the ADA has been helpful for me (link).

Building Access by Aimi Hamraie

Accessibility for Historic Buildings: A Field Guide, 2nd Edition (link to pdf)

written by David Provost and revised by Joseph Hoefferle, Jr. as part of the University of Vermont Graduate Program in Historic Preservation

back in 2020 i used the first edition of this document in a project arguing my undergraduate university should make its historic buildings more accessible

lays out policies & options in tables with photo examples from their campus

Aimi Hamraie & Kelly Fritsch’s Crip Technoscience Manifesto (2019)

Catalyst: Feminism, Theory, Technoscience, 5(1), pp1-34.

this piece is honestly just incredibly life-giving for me in general so i highly recommend giving it a full read when you have time. specific parts that i thought might resonate with the experiences of students at your uni:

“user-initiated design” (Hendren & Lynch, cited p9)

“access as friction” (p10):

Emerging out of historical fights for disability rights, the terms accessibility and access are usually taken to mean disabled inclusion and assimilation into normative able-bodied relations and built environments. […] However, the etymology of the word access reveals two frictional meanings: access as “an opportunity enabling contact,” as well as “a kind of attack” (2016, p. 23). Taking access as a kind of attack reveals access-making as a site of political friction and contestation. While historically central to the fights for disability access, crip technoscience is nevertheless committed to pushing beyond liberal and assimilation-based approaches to accessibility, which emphasize inclusion in mainstream society, to pursue access as friction, particularly paying attention to access-making as disabled peoples’ acts of non-compliance and protest.

noncompliant users and assistive technology as friction (p11):

Lifchez and Winslow offer the concept of “non-compliant users,” illustrating this with an image of a powerchair user wheeling against traffic on a street without curb cuts (1979, p. 153). This technology-enabled movement against the flow of traffic marks anti-assimilationist crip mobility: not an attempt to integrate (as in the liberal approach to disability rights), but rather to use technology as a friction against an inaccessible environment.

collaborative mapping of (in)accessibility, something i know happens more informally among disabled students on many campuses (p15):

Unlike mainstream disability technoscience “crowdsourcing” projects, which invoke a charity model of disability wherein non-disabled people collect data but do not engage in disability culture or politics, emerging projects such as Mapping Access are making participatory access-making the basis of a kind of technoscientific “access intimacy” (Mingus, 2017) through practices such as “critical crowdsourcing” of accessibility data (Hamraie, 2018). […] Collaborative mapping visualizes the evidence of inaccessibility while creating opportunities for collective response. Crip cartographic technoscience thus enables more critical design, and interrogation of the everyday built environment.

access to education

the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities includes the right to inclusive education (Article 24). scholarship in this area is about primary & secondary education, not postsecondary / university education, but a lot of the concepts can be applied

in addition to inclusive education, “universal design for learning” (UDL) might be a helpful keyword but it definitely trends toward the liberal as a whole

“Hidden contradictions and conditionality: conceptualisations of inclusive education in international human rights law” (2013) by Bronagh Byrne (link)

references the importance of identifying barriers as a step in the process of accessible education, which depending on your work may be a nice succinct justification of its necessity (p234):

Inclusion ‘necessitates the removal of the material, ideological, political and economic barriers that legitimate and reproduce in equality and discrimination in the lives of disabled people’ (Barton and Armstrong 2001, 214). According to this view, an identification of barriers within the school’s environment, teaching and learning strategies, and attitudes that prevent the full participation of children with disabilities, will also be required.

argues for a focus on inability of schools to meet students’ needs rather than students’ inability to conform to an ableist environment (for example, p242):

International human rights law has conditionalised the right to inclusive education for children with disabilities by making inclusion contingent upon the extent of individual rather than institutional or structural deficits.

psychological/emotional impact on disabled students

“psycho-emotional disablism” may be a useful search term for you, with the disclaimer that a substantial portion of scholars in feminist disability studies are TERFs / express “gender critical” beliefs / etc. so like i’m listing one paper i came across that looked relevant + two from my grad program’s recommended reading, but i haven’t read these & suggest vetting authors before citing them:

“The psycho-emotionally disabling impact of academic landscapes of exclusion: experiences of a disabled postgraduate in perpetual lockdown” (2023) by Joanne Hunt (link)

Reeve, D (2004). Psycho-emotional dimensions of disability and the social model. In C Barnes & G Mercer (eds), Implementing the social model of disability: theory and research. The Disability Press, Leeds, pp. 83-100. http://donnareeve.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/ReeveChapter2004b.pdf

Reeve, D. (2014) 'Psycho-emotional disablism and internalised oppression', in J. Swain, S. French, C. Barnes and C. Thomas (eds) Disabling Barriers - Enabling Environments, 3rd Edition, London: Sage, pp. 92-98. http://donnareeve.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/ReeveChapter2014a.pdf

[josendlessmonolouge]

hey so I just binged your head cannons and how does it feel to be right all the time? I was wondering what you would think about body/weight insecurities with the underworld kids? Like Hazel grew up in the 30s when black girls were the opposite of the beauty standard and I imagine her having complicated feelings about her appearance caused by never feeling attractive growing up. And going into the legion they do intense exercises so she probably put on a bunch of muscle weight after the first few months, and on a short girl like her that can look pretty stocky (totally not projecting rn). So she’s prob never thought about herself as very feminine or beautiful. Do think dating Frank and being desired would help her recover from that and gain confidence?

And with Nico he’s always been very skinny especially after the jar incident. I feel like people around camp would say insensitive things about him looking skeletal or ghastly as a joke but he would actually be very hurt by it. Like internalized homophobia would already make him feel unmasculine and comments like those would be like salt in the wound. Also his eating habits described in the book are definitely disordered in some way.

sorry this ended up way longer than I planned but would love to hear your opinion

Omg thank you for the ask and the spam likes I’m happy you enjoy my head-canons :>> So first Hazel;

I struggle a lot with body dysmorphia myself. The Hazel idea is something I hadn’t really thought about much but now that you put it in my head. I think definitely makes sense and I love it. I think her and Frank probably both have a lot of issues with their physical appearances and how they’ve changed within the events of the books and starting off with bad self image. Within or having to do with the events of the book being Him losing a bunch of weight and gaining muscle then putting weight back on after the blessing of mars, and her like you said putting on more muscle.

my BD/ED was actually the down fall of my first relationship so I don’t think just feeling desired could really fix it , however I think that being with frank would probably improve her self image. I think Frank is probably pretty body neutral or working hard at being body neutral for himself and encourages her to do the same. I do think that his adoration of her would probably also help some. He’s a wonderful hype man and a blushing mess whenever she gets dressed up cute so she can’t help but feel a little better about herself. I think they’re both probably working on themselves and building each other up when it comes to body image.

Nico ooh I’ve got a lot of feelings on him bc I’ve chatted with my friends about it and you said exactly what I’ve been saying about how it probably makes him feel emasculated since he’s a young gay man who’s constantly surrounded by these ultra masculine friends and probably feels like less than in some ways. I feel for some reason that he has some arfid symptoms because most modern foods are just different than he used to and just he can’t will himself to eat most things. He also just gives the energy off even when he was in the 40s he was pretty picky since his family was wealthy. (Idk that he canonically bought McDonald’s to raise the dead that kid cries if he tries to eat a French fry) so it’s extremely hard for him to gain the weight back after the jar incident. I also think He knows he should reasonable work at gaining weight but he also just wants to take up as little space as possible literally and figuratively so it’s a constant mental bottle of “I’m sick and getting sicker, will is worried about me I need to eat, but also food is icky and I really don’t want to see the number on the scale go up even though I know I’ll look and feel better”

I could go on for a long while about this actually lol

[astrojoy]

What Candy Is Coming Your Way?

Candy = good news

PAC

Candy Bag 1

💀 Boundaries improving (You will soon have more respect for yourself. I even got a song that flew out that clarified this, which was by Billie Eilish "You should see me in a crown") I keep imagining a cold person (who really isn't cold at heart) but can appear that way because of how the world treated them. It's a 'take no more sh-t' energy

💀 A lot of you will grow stronger and be more courageous, again :)

💀 More optimism or being headfirst with where you set your mind to

💀 Some of you are getting a new job or will be changing your career path

💀 A new friendship, particularly from the same sex/gender. I feel like this new friendship will be quite long lasting! Maybe some of you when you get a different job will make a new friend at this place

💀 Some of you can't wait for more cold weather ngl. I'm seeing its coming so dw 🤣 (it's October 30th rn as I'm making this)

💀 More relaxing time. More time to hang out with friends or loved ones. Some of you may soon invite or be invited to go out for coffee or tea with someone or some people

💀 For a lot of you life has been kinda stagnant. You may have been feeling discontent, like life is on a loop. Just boredom in total. It's about to be disrupted and life will move faster miss gals and pals 😏

💀 Also whatever these changes that are coming into your life are, are obviously good news, however they will take you out of your comfort zone at times, you are being told to tread bravely. Especially if you are someone who has trouble adapting to sudden changes

💀 This pile carried a lot of Fire and Wands energy. You guys had a major arcana card fly out, "Strength"

Psychic visions I got for you guys (could be a personal item/name/like/dislike/issue etc etc):

👻 Names of your friends/pets/family/you (I got a lot of pet names) - Pumpkin. Chestnut. Jonathan/Justin. Ivory. Strawberry/Berry. Bagel. Bunny/Easter. Egg??.

👻 Bundle of bananas

👻 Someone yanked a paper off a table (it was aggressive oml 😳 chill my guy. Is someone stressed about paperwork/classwork? Maybe someone will finally finish something and that was a yank of relief 😂)

👻 A peeled banana (wtf 🤣 does someone here like bananas AHAHA such a random vision)

👻 A rubber ducky (OHH Bananas and rubber ducks are both yellow. I wonder if the color is significant for this pile. Yellow is an optimistic and powerful color associated with energy and silliness or fun)

👻 Lasagna (Someone here may like it a lot) possibly have it some time soon (just depends)

👻 AGAIN someone yanked something off a desk or table. Similar vision of the same place/lighting and similar gesture. They yanked something else that wasn't a paper and wore something with sleeves (got a better view of them) someone here with darker hair

👻 A stereotypical piece of candy in the shape of this -> 🍬 It had a clear wrapper and was colored orangish pinkish? Warm colored. Someone here may have a sweetooth or get candy or something sweet soon :)

Candy Bag 2

💀 For a select few of you only, there may be some people behind your back, they may be jealous and start creating friction with something in your life or just in total. Like them creating accusations or something. Well I'm seeing you rise out on top so don't worry about them :)

💀 For others, I'm seeing a union. If you aren't looking for love then this is a partnership on some type of project or work. For the people looking for love or who wouldn't mind it, there's someone coming in with a possible offer of some sort. A love offer or confession "you are only mine" a promise of loyalty

💀 Happiness is coming into your life here at some point

💀 Some of you are going on a vacation. For others who may not be able to physically go on one, this talks about a mental one as well. Finding relaxing moments to calm the mind

💀 Attaining an authority position, success or victory in overcoming a challenge your in. Some here are getting a raise at work while others are upgrading in their life. This can be on social media too

💀 Experiencing happiness, again, I had the song fly out by Louis Armstrong "What a wonderful world"

💀 Uh, random, someone may have an encounter with a spirit or possibly a spirit guide. Whether it's through the dreams or waking life. Since this is good news based I'm guessing this isn't a bad one though :)

💀 This lover or whatever offer is coming in for a lot of people here is someone you don't know or aren't as familiar with. I had the song by Svrcina "Who are you" fly out

💀 Taboo energy is in the depths of this pile you picked. Some witches/wiccans are here. Some here have a cat. There may be good news revolving around general occult things :) maybe its answers you seek or practices you've worked on. Now I understand why I got my spirit card

💀 This pile carried a lot of Water and Cups energy

Psychic visions I got for you guys (could be a personal item/name/like/dislike/issue etc etc):

👻 Names of your friends/pets/family/you - G/Gina/Gunther? (Could start with a G? Or be just G/GG). Pony. Stephanie Princess. Cynthia. 4. Curly. Rose/Violet/Someone has or knows someone that's named after a flower (also could be the middle/last name. F (Name starts with an F? Fifi Fred? or something idk).

👻 A horse (A pet)

👻 Onigiri (someone here really likes these)

👻 Water (someone here may have a phobia or fear of drowning/possibly a memory of almost?)

👻 Apple (someone could have something of theirs shaped like an apple or maybe have apple trees, or just enjoy the fruit. Maybe an apple brand product)

👻 "Diamond" 😂 could be anything. Maybe someone here likes diamonds, maybe it's a name of someone you know. Possibly A treasured item has a diamond, etc etc

👻 I got the shape of a heart. Then I heard "Stove". So someone here might possibly have something on the stove or around that area (like decor or maybe a cooking timer, picture, mitten, on the fridge or beside the stove etc etc) with the shape of a heart or heart patterns picture(s) on it :)

Candy Bag 3

💀 This pile has slightly similar themes to one of the other piles but in a different way

💀 A new job or raise is in the cards

💀 A lot of people here feel stuck in something. Stuck in a situation, environment or maybe even to someone. Don't worry, the good news here is you are breaking free. For very few I'm seeing this negative thing that isn't serving you is so stuck that you've gotten "comfortable" in it. Or in other words, "used" to it, you feel numb and like it's all you know almost. I had the song by Call Me Karizma "Nails" fly out

💀 Btw I also said you won't feel stuck forever. Good news coming your way is a release. Leaving something behind. I had another song clarify this by One Republic "Counting Stars" Some things even though they're wrong or bad for you may make you feel the need to stay in the patterns you've been in but overall it's all about following the dreams and moving forward

💀 A manifestation may come to fruition too :)

💀 If you have any addictions or if you have an issue with self sabatoging (mental health issues in any way too) then I'm being told this will find mental balance. Good news for some may be medication coming in, getting help/therapy or even just leaving whatever situation had been causing this stress and etc. The effect of leaving will help you mentally

💀 Soulmate union is coming together for some! (Soulmates for me can range from friends, family, lovers, pets, etc)

💀 I'm getting a lot of hot, steamy, romantic and even sexual energy in this pile for some definitely here. Do some here have dirty thoughts or maybe even sexual addictions? Maybe someone here has a partner with such a thing? It's being toned down and eased so it's not as heavy on the shoulders. The song by Chloe Adams "Dirty thoughts" flew out

💀 Protection

Psychic visions I got for you guys (could be a personal item/name/like/dislike/issue etc etc):

👻 Names of your friends/pets/family/you - Love/Lovely. Baby/BB. Butterfly. Someone may have a pet snake or pet named after a snake "Slither" "Python" "Venom"

👻 Bow and Arrow/possibly a harp (I could only see a gold fancy or elvish rim of it the rest was blurred)

👻 "Doritos" (Someone likes this snack)

👻 Superman

👻 Someone here is girly btw. Like stereotypically feminine

👻 Some people here like to draw. I'm getting a lot of traditional drawing though :) Pen/pencil/marker/paint stuff etc

👻 Musical talent/writing in this pile. I'm guessing all this creative energy is coming out because it's quite prominent ^

👻 This pile didn't get as many visions/messages as the last ones did on this section. Maybe my mind is clouded now xD

[oh-no-its-bird]

Ok so updated list of my WIPS;

Actually in progress;

- Offal and All (Kakashi's relationship with food throughout the years, mostly told through the eyes of others) I'm activley focusing on this one rn and hoping to post it like, this week actually. It's a mash up of a lot of different tiny Kakashi hc's I've posted about and should be very fun (and depressing, but that's kind of my brand, so.)

- One Step Three Steps chapter 10, it's going well so far actually I just keep writing it at work then being forced to stop bc like. Work. Might go up this week, hopefully

- Chasing Shadows chapter 4, it's like 20% done? Ish? I just need to find the head space to get back to writing it, will go up within the next 2 weeks for sure but idk when exactly. It'll be great tho ur gonna get Hikaku, Fugaku, Shisui, Mikoto, just all the cool Uchiha. Lots of politics, lots of drama, the works

- Itama and the secret senju weed empire fic,,,, it will be long and it will be beautiful which means it'll take me forever to do, sorry

- Magical Girl Izuna AU (my beloved) I got distracted by other projects midway through writing chapter 1 but I'll get there eventually

- Little lab mystery where kid edo-tensei reincarnations of Madara and Tobirama wake up with no memories and immediately stage a jail break

- Nin burger!!!!! Yes this is a real thing yes I meant to post it like the same week I started making it but then I got distracted and didn't. But I swear to fucking GOD I will see it complete. Nin Burger is my favorite real naruto restaurant that is real

- That one oneshot where Madara and Tobirama spend a festival night in the capital together as children, and Madara develops his very first crush on the fox masked boy, but seems to be doomed never to meet him again— till Konoha's first festival is held and he sees a man wearing the very same mask, waiting for him in the crowds. Might not actually finish this one tbh but also maybe I'll save it for tbmd week?? Idk

Considering / Planning;

- Hikaku as the Uchiha clan head after Madara's betrayal comic,,, not an actual fic but I wanna make this so bad. I've written notes for it I just need to get along to drawing it

- Izuna in Wonderland comic, honestly I'll probably end up doing the entire thing in one go one night when I get hit in the face w a brick w motivation. So it'll be a surprise for both u guys and me when I post that! I always do my comics in one go bc I physically can't bring myself to return to art projects if interrupted, which means I tend to do longer ones on my days off where I have literally nothing else to do or distract me, but I haven't had one of those in like. 2 months now. So. But I will soon!! Umm. Maybe.

- Here Before and After Me chapter 2, I'll probably make one eventually but who tf knows when. I have a very specific vision of Kakashi following Tobirama onto the battlefield and scaring the shit out of a very alarmed and confused Izuna

- Tobirama and Izuna's field trip through time and space, I don't think I want to commit to a full fic bc it'd be seriously long and I'm already commiting to Chasing Shadows and One Step Three Steps as my regular update long fics, then the MG Izuna au and Itama fic as my "write it all behind the scenes then post" long fics. One shots only for me, sorry. But I do wanna write a silly one shot of the boys crash landing face first into a konoha council meeting during their field trip

Dropped / Abandoned;

- That one mdtb space mermaid au, rip. Maybe I'll come back to u one day but for now I have a lot to focus on, sorry

- mdtb fish in a pond fic where Tobirama is half spirit and turns into a koifish that Tajima then brings home and tosses into the families koi pond

I think that's everything? I have a shit memory and do everything on my notes app then forget to categorize the notes half the time so I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I'd lost smthn else in my like billion different notes.

Those are the important ones tho, so, good enough!

[consolecadet]

big complaining. please do not give me advice on any of this unless 1) we already talk AND 2) you get my consent first

Virtually everything for me right now is in some state of "it is terrible rn but I just need to hold on for a few more weeks/months" and it just. I don't have a lot of grip strength with which to hold on rn.

My tennis elbow hurts more since I started OT, or perhaps I am just more aware of it. Either way it's really bothering me and making me sad

I recently developed eczema or something like that, because of course I did, and the second I stopped steroid cream it came back just as itchy and weepy, despite aggressive moisturizing. I cannot see a dermatologist until November but I have vague hope in the form of a different steroid cream I may try in one week

The three-day low-residue diet my dietician had me try backfired horribly after I stopped it and now I'm even more scared to eat, like, beans and/or onions

I have been having trouble accessing medical supplies that I can technically get by without but really shouldn't. Dealing with it requires making tons of phone calls and/or driving to a bunch of different pharmacies, something I have no time or energy to do rn

I'm in a BMW situation and cannot resume trying to sell it until it is resolved, though it's not a big deal because I am borrowing my sister's car and will buy it from her once I have sold the BMW

Reviewing KC's edits to Latent Defects is tiring and emotionally challenging (though I'm way less upset and dramatic about it than I thought it would be)

I keep spiraling about things like the election, genocide, and the climate

Covid cases have once again risen in my area and I am nervous about that because I've socialized a lot IRL recently and don't know if I was careful enough

I agreed to do an art project with a friend that I think will be really cool, but am worried will hurt my forearm too much and/or cause extra stress which I have little capacity for rn

I am having trouble keeping in touch with friends bc the first thing to go when I get stressed is The Ability to Message People. I also have a newish local friend who messages me a lot more than I am used to and I'm worried I'm making him feel sad and uncared for bc I am so slow to respond and don't message him first very often

KC's summer break is about to end, which means I am about to start having to get up earlier, which realistically means I am going to lose a lot of sleep while I once again struggle to adjust. Also means I'm gonna spend a lot more time driving again

The project I am managing is a MESS, we pushed the launch back, and I feel like it's my fault for 1) not knowing how to manage a project, 2) not asking for nearly enough help, and 3) being kind of mentally absent due to being itchy, in pain, and very cranky for basically the whole project. Though tbf multiple of my coworkers have been sick for chunks of it and also not able to pitch in as much as we expected. Also once we launch, then I have to help manage an online community, which, yikes

I would like a raise to offset the gigantic medical bills I seem to get stuck with every year, but I also fucked up something else at work recently, the one account I managed fired us, and worse yet I absolutely know that the company I work for is barely scraping by and cannot afford to give me a raise regardless of whether my boss wants to. I should probably look for another job but 1) I like these people 2) I have no energy or time rn and 3) much fewer companies are fully remote these days and I cannot physically handle commuting and working in an office

yeah

[makoredeyes]

Keep it coming you say? 👀 I saw that tag! I'm ~quite~ bored, so here's a couple questions/whatever they're considered, lol.

Yes, flattery will get me very far here, indeed! To where? I do not know, but whatever, compliments! You deserve them. I'm rather sure my friends are tired of hearing me go on and on about destiny characters, ':)

How's your writing wip's going so far? I'm waiting very (im)patiently for any updates, I've totally not re-read everything forty-two times.. hope their all going well!

A little self indulgence here, but I like to think Andal Brask was the Hunter Vanguard when Osiris and Saint-14 were in, because.. come on, I'm rather sure the time frame adds up. I like to believe before, because their dynamic just seems really fun to me. Lots of great opportunities. (I partly blame that one fanart sylenth-l made of Andal and Osiris for this, it was really funny). What do you think their dynamic would be like?

What do you think it'd be like if the Iron Lords mysteriously came back alive? 👀 I'm talking, SIVA couldn't actually kill them because their ghosts hid in the light in their bodies, and SIVA only goes after non-organic materials right? Maybe it couldn't work it's way into the light, and as long as their ghost + light are intact, = alive. But *only* after the Warmind managed to get control over SIVA and free their physical bodies from harm? It's a thought I had, influenced by a few fics but I quite like the idea. Just imagine, a ghostless, lightless Osiris receiving word that maybe, they weren't as dead as he thought they were. Or Fel and Timur coming back only to realize what happened to Osiris?? Poor Sagira?? Learning lady Efrideet's alive? 👀 (Is that her name?)

Or perhaps, In this one fic, it's Timur and his special, take over your will little stunt he has, was keeping SIVA at bay, I think that's pretty neat too! So many possibilities! (If you were the one that wrote these, I hope you see this as a compliment cause I am not about to go dig through Ao3 to find them xD)

Either way, it'd be like a modern!au of the iron lords, for them at least, hah (I can just imagine Gheleon having a mental breakdown that their memorial involved fighting one another)

I can't really think of anything, but rest assured I will *probably* be back once I'm dome tormenting my poor boy Tevis

Ahaha yeesss YESSSS I feed me I'm such an attention whore lmao RIP XD. (fr tho bless you ;_; )

I am writing! There are longer gaps between posts rn because I have lots going on in my life, but also, because I am working on many fics at once. I counted the other day I have 26 WIPs but six I am actively working on in concert - three for Housefire that are all directly intermingled plot and timing-wise to the point where I'm not even entirely sure what order I'll be posting them in yet, another chapter for Things Found (I am trying to stay 2 chapters ahead with that to make sure I have a cohesive story for it), and two XXX stand-alone one-shots! I should fish out another teaser for everyone soon. I think it'll be one of the one-shots that makes it out next tbh they're the furthest along. But the naughty stuff is also the slowest to get written bc I yanno...can't write that stuff at work, etc. haha. But I've felt a new wind of motivation lately for writing and am picking away at these projects pretty regularly. <3

I'm going to admit I am not very well-read on the hunter squad in general, BUT iirc I believe Andal was Vanguard during the City Age. He was definitely around as I recall his presence in the comics. The problem with that time is that Osiris was largely absent. This was when the Cult of Osiris was gaining traction, and Osiris' obsession with the Darkness and the Vex was really heating up. He was neglecting his duties to the Vanguard (with Ikora often standing in as proxy for him) and he wasn't really paying attention to anyone else. Like. At all. There was a lot of unhappy tension even with Saint at that time. Andal, by all accounts, was a damn good fella though, and while I think just about everyone nettled Osiris, Andal also stuck up for him where he could. Even if Osiris couldn't appreciate that in the moment I'm sure he would come to later. I look at Osiris and see him as he is now, with some hard lessons learned and some hard losses under his belt, realizing a little too late some of the damn good souls he had in his court, Andal included. All of that said, 100% in a lighter, easier setting, a free-spirit like Andal (and/or Cayde...heaven forbid them both together!) would drive a stuffed shirt like Osiris up an absolute freaking wall with pure comical results, hands down.

(a side note, a brain storm, an insane thought that just poisoned my brain - a sweeter moment hidden from time: Andal's guitar and this gift of song Saint has hinted Osiris has....??????! I'm not melting it's just hot in here, right???)

As for Ironsbane and SIVA... I have INDEED put an awful lot of thought into this. Quite a lot. So much. I have my own ideas on ways to circumvent the disaster, O Reader Mine, but you're going to have to wait a while longer for me to write it. :3 (Housefire is, after all, ultimately, a fixit )

*but no SIVA attacks whatever it is programmed to, organic or not: and Rasputin set it on hundreds of Iron Lords and wiped them all out with the sole exception Efrideet and Saladin with the directives “REPLICATE, ELIMINATE, IMMUNIZE” it was not what SIVA was made to do but he deliberately repurposed it into a weapon. (I could go on for years about Rasputin and his darker epochs, but especially his misappropriation of SIVA lol)

** Your mention of Timur and his spooky skills DID remind me of another fic I need to get back to as well OTL TT_TT I still have requests I took in January I have yet to complete. At this rate it's going to take me all year to get them all done and by then I'll be taking more aahaha whuups.

[einsatzzz]

♡ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐒. ♡ Tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better

TAGGED BY @dreamieparadise (thank you! 💜)

TAGGING. @azaracyy @social-muffin @yenosiria @shiawase-rina (feel free to ignore if u don't want to do this hehe also my brain is not braining rn, 4 ppl is my max, whoever wanna do this can do so too!)

✧. ┊ 𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑬 : Ein! People I comm'd probably already saw my irl name but let's close our eyes 😆 Tho if we're friends, you can ask for my irl name. (lowkey I'm more used to being called Ein than my irl name)

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑨𝑺 : Just Ein again lmaooo

✧. ┊ 𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 : I've been suspecting that I may highly likely be nonbinary but I'm too busy with my work and hobbies/personal projects to find out about it now.

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵 : Aries!

✧. ┊ 𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 : 150cm - 152cm 🧍‍♀️ around two years ago, I went to my annual physical exam and got a height measurement of 152cm, which made me happy bc I've been 150cm since high school. But then this year, I got 150cm...so I...I shrunk...?👁️👄👁️ I will never let go of that 152cm.......I'm still 152cm in my heart...

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 : Somewhere in the ace spectrum (maybe ace, maybe gray, idk bruh), but I'm too busy with work and hobbies/personal projects to find out what it is exactly.

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑮𝑬 𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑺 𝑶𝑭 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 : According to my smartwatch app, it's 5 hours 👍✨

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑶𝑮 𝑶𝑹 𝑪𝑨𝑻 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵 : I love both! But I'll just say I'm a dog person because I have a pet dog lol

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑲𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 : I don't really pay attention to it that much, but I really like the soft & fluffy ones.

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑴 𝑻𝑹𝑰𝑷 : Japan again!!! Going on a one week trip there improved my physical and mental health, fr fr, not kidding. Maybe I should just live there idk. Also wanna visit online friends' countries and meet with them! Most feasible rn are SEA countries hehe I'll save up for it and visit someday my SEA homies, you know who u are. Second most feasible is Europe, because I will highly likely apply for a Schengen visa sometime in the future but not so soon.

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 𝑩𝑰𝑹𝑻𝑯𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬 : I just checked and my first post is around August 15, 2014. But it should be a few years older than that because I lurked A LOT in certain fandoms before my first post. Safest bet is probably around 2011, which is when I was obsessing over Ina11 and stalking ask accounts here.

✧. ┊ 𝑾𝑯𝒀 𝑰 𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬 𝑨 𝑻𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑳𝑹 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 : I wanted a tumblr account to follow ask accounts of my favorite characters.

✧. ┊ 𝑼𝑹𝑳 𝑴𝑬𝑨𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 : It was from an Uta//Pri Drama CD called "Masquerade Mirage" and the character that my oshi (Ai) is playing as back then is named "Einsatz". I was very down bad for Ai back then, you don't understand. Anyway, the actual "Einsatz" username was already taken so I added a few z's at the end since I'm too lazy to think up a new one (idek that it's a german word). Mutuals/friends back then started to call me "Ein", I just rolled with it and now it's just stuck to me. I don't really wanna change it anymore, even if Uta//Pri isn't an active interest of mine now.

[wordy-little-witch]

Time to project onto my blorbo because I am Going Through It Rn

Modern AU bc I am gonna make it a THINGGGGG

Bonus: info

TW for under the cut: • mental health crisis, • dysphoria, • US Capitalistic hellscape (that should be a tag), • disabilities, • allusions to SH but not explicit, just a quick lil vague allusion, • offers to punch a police officer???

Just. Buggy who has hypermobility and chronic subluxation and dislocations. He never got the genetic testing done so nothing is on hard paper or file about it beyond "hypermobility syndrome". Buggy who was a performer and a dancer and a hard worker who was a manager as a fast food chain and was KILLING IT, day shift there, nights spent as a dancer, aerialist, had a stint in a literal circus-

Buggy who was so used to "taking one for the team" that it becomes smth of a trigger phrase, who has turned to dissociation as the coping mechanism of choice when he hurts, is overwhelmed, is scared or in any way Not Okay

Buggy who has bled and bled and bled for his people and his loved ones because it was the only thing he knew how to do.

Buggy whose body finally gave in, enough for medical professionals to declare him permanently damaged, not enough for the government to offer anything by way of assistance.

Buggy whose mental health thus becomes absolutely FUCKED as a result, no longer able to fall on familiar habits because he physically can't - but he needs to work, needs to perform, needs to be of USE, needs to be IMPORTANT in others' lives lest they leave him too-

And Buggy falling into Old Old Habits he had been clean of for so long. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like comfort. It hurts. The pain is good.

He's functioning.

Then within two months, something Switches. The crutch has become a impassable wall, his threshold has evaporated, he is sparking on funds and he knows he needs to reach out, but he's scared, he's so scared because the last time was horrid, but they've grown, they've changed they promised-

He reaches out. "I can't do this," he admits like a confession, like an admission of sin. "I need help," he chokes, the words like poison but needed he knows this, he knows it's killing the bad but-

"Take one for the team," they tell him.

And Buggy breaks. He smiles. He's pieces of porcelain, held with masking tape because he Has To Be. He Has To Be This, He Has To Do This, He Has To He Has To He Has To-

He doesn't, actually. Red stains his skin, stabbed scarred l and fresh alike, but the red in his retinas is so much brighter because Shanks is bright, is Red, is Shanks, and Shanks is here, is there, is holding his hands and telling him to breathe and trust him and Buggy is held, is safe, is broken, is sad-

And Crocodile is warm, is sturdy when Buggy is scooped into his arms. Mihawk is efficient with how he expertly cleans, wraps, pins, with how he braids Buggy's hair back and ushers him into comfortable clothes.

Things will be alright, they assure him, things are tight but they'll do it, they'll figure it out, because what is money compared to him, what is opulence or a fancy car payment in comparison to their favorite joker? It is nothing, they assure him, nothing can compare to a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a son - those were the words that mattered, nothing more, nothing less, because Buggy Is Worth It.

The money isn't the crux of the problem, not really, but it's this episode's manifestation, it's the focus, the fixation. It's a trauma, but it's not the whole picture, but they will mend this piece as best they can, they will hold the pieces in place until Buggy is strong enough to hold them himself because they love him, they love him, by the Seas and Skies, they love him.

And when Buggy, half asleep, begs to not "go back", he doesn't have to specify, the group knowing the horrors beyond sugar-sweet smiles and sickly mint walls. They will not admit him, not unless he chooses to go in himself, and Shanks may get a slap upside the head when he offers to punch anyone who tries, cops included.

Buggy's laughter is worth it though.

Buggy is worth it.

[leyyvi]

Can I be real and kinda depressing rn

Haha so like when am I gonna stop living in a constant state of stress and panic?? Does that stop bc bitch I feel like I've been losing my mind every day for the 6 months and not in a heeheehaha way. There's so much on my mind on what I need to do when it comes to cons, school, work, even my personal projects for fun. Can't sit down and write because I keep thinking like, "oh I should be cleaning/doing the dishes/unpacking/literally anything besides that. I can't even enjoy things I usually do for fun bc I have so much other crap I'm thinking about and I literally just want my brain to shut the fuck up for a week man

And usually I smoke to help with that right but whenever I smoke my memory jsut turns into absolute shit and then I feel like crap physically idk I can't win I'm just really 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 iunno. Not happy LOL

[mothgardens]

it is 2am and i am feeling so much sam winchester love rn so here is a list of taylor swift songs i think resonate with him:

1. Anti-Hero

I feel as tho all the lyrics work towards his character.

Mr. Samuel “It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem it’s me… everybody agrees,” Winchester

I should not be left to my own devices -> Dean constantly implies that Sam shouldn’t be left to figure things out on his own. He does this so much that Sam actually confronts him about it, multiple times.

I wake up screaming from dreaming -> Sam used to wake up from his visions freaked the hell out.

The second verse is also very fitting; he always felt like a freak or monster compared to everyone else.

2. Clean

DEMON BLOOD !!!!!!

I think it works really well for his addiction arc because the song is about toxic relationships (aka RUBY).

The drought being the worst -> Being locked in Bobby’s panic room.

The flowers that we grown together died of thirst -> The powers that grew and developed during his addiction and slowly disappeared when he was sobering.

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing -> Sam was shouting and banging for hours down in the panic room and no one came to check on him until he was quiet.

Ten months older, I wont give in. Now that i’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it -> He never went back

3. Nothing New

Honestly, the whole reason this song is on the list is because of the lyric:

How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> Sam left for Stanford at 18. That was his first taste of freedom; it was his first time deciding something for himself. He was his own person. He had finally escaped. But, then at 22, Dean came and brought him back in. Jess dies. Everything feels lost again.

In general, I think Sam has lost of teenage girl vibes to him tho. This is probably self projection, but I think its true and this is MY analysis so <3.

4. My Tears Ricochet

This song is about Sam and John’s Stanford fight, and general dynamics that they share.

This one is going to get it’s own in depth, dedicated post <3 but some highlights are:

Even on my worst day, did i deserve, all the hell you gave me -> Sam was a child. No matter how arrogant or frustrating he could be, John should have never been so harsh on him. Telling your kid to never come back just because he wants to go to college is INSANE.

And I can go anywhere I want, just not home -> THIS LINE IS SO AHHHHHHH SAMMY.

Cursing my name, wishing i stayed -> John. John. John. Cursing Sam to never return, while simultaneously wishing he had never left.

Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave -> Parallel, John telling Sam he being brave on a hunt VS John condescendingly saying Sam was being brave for standing up to him.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same -> John realizing that Sam might have to die if nothing changes. John giving that responsibility to Dean by giving his life for Dean’s; selfless selfishness.

5. Mirrorball

Mr. Samuel “And when I break, it’s in a million pieces” Winchester

I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me -> Sam continuously tries to do his best under every circumstance. Even though most of the people around him have such little faith in him. He won’t stop trying.

And I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why -> His faith is God and the stereotypical Christian religion in general throughout the series fascinates me. He has very little reason to keep his faith, but he does. Even in later seasons, I think it was s11, when he prays and believes that Lucifer’s visions are actually messages from God.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try -> Sam doesn’t actually know what he is doing. He uses his training, but that only can get you so far in mental battles with Lucifer or physical battles with God. He does what he thinks is right. He just wants to help.

6. This Is Me Trying

This is also in the works of developing its own post. Highlights include:

I didn’t know if you’d care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that -> Sam never got to know if Dean wanted him back. All that time spent at Stanford he had to wonder if his father and brother actually missed him or not.

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> This just screams Lucifer trauma to me

THEY TOLD ME ALL MY CAGES WERE MENTAL, SO I GOT WASTED LIKE ALL MY POTENTIAL -> *violently screams and shakes* The visions, Demon blood, Hallucifer, literally anytime Sam is struggling it is brushed off as him being too worked up about it. Dean literally COMPLAINED to Bobby about how much work it was that Sam was mentally ill. LIKE DUDE.

AND MY WORDS SHOOT TO KILL WHEN IM MAD, I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT THAT -> Sam does say shit that is hurtful. He does shit that is bad. It’s usually out of frustration from someone else’s actions towards him. AKA it’s usually towards Dean, when Dean belittles him.

pouring out my heart to a stranger, BUT I DIDNT POUR THE WHISKEY -> Sam vs Dean (this is NOT me belittling Dean’s alcoholism bc i get he has an issue)

That this is me trying, AT LEAST IM TRYING -> Again, Sam is just doing his best.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I when i feel like an open wound -> Sam has to just behave and go through his life normally even when he is struggling with abandonment, addiction, 180 years of every abuse imaginable and unimaginable, guilt, and just so much suffering.

It ’s hard to be anywhere when all i want is you, you’re a flashback -> Sam’s feelings about Jess. I constantly think about that scene in the impala when he tells Dean that he still thinks about her. It had been like twelve or more years. Its so painful.

—

please excuse my typos

i am yet but just a girl

<3

[siriannatan]

Number Two - Ebenholz Lessing

I decided I needed to let all my Arknights fic ideas out and doing multiple fics is too much for me rn so I'll shove them all into one place :} (I know, tower defence gatcha is a bit different from my usual content)

I decided to give my newfound confidence in my German a chance along with a story about my favourite sad goat and his new boyfriend :}

References for any interested non-arknights players:

Ebenholz

Lessing

Lessing will always be just the number two. He was fine with it, he understands why. But it still stings no matter how well he hides it. 

His relationship with Graf Urtica might have had a rocky start. Putting it lightly. But despite that, they did somehow end up somewhat close to each other. 

There were things he didn't know about Ebenholz and things Ebenholz didn't know about him. But that was normal for relationships? Right? Especially in the early stages. That was some consolation for his aching heart.

Frankly, borderline jealous looks from a certain perro spy also serve to make Lessing less conscious of the strains and walls between him and Ebenholz.

But nothing can make the ache leave as he holds the Graf close in the early morning hours. Not sure what woke him - crying or being shaken. Silently holding his love in his arms as he cries another's name. Tracing the prominent spine of the other caprinae in a hopefully soothing way. Ebenholz never protested or complained about it.

Lessing knows that he's too tall, too broad to pass as a substitute. But he's glad that's the case. Makes him feel a bit better to know Ebenholz chose him even with how different he is… from that person. He doesn't dare utter that name even in his thoughts. Afraid Ebenholz would somehow know.

He did once, early on, compare himself to the one his love yearns for and got a stern scolding.

“It's all okay mein schatz, I'm here,” Lessing whispers when the shuddering cries lessen. Ebenholz should be awake and aware enough to not start blasting Arts at everything around him. He can feel Ebenholz take shuddering breaths, trying to calm himself.

“Entschuldigung, I'm okay, just need some fresh air,” Ebenholz tries an excuse to get himself out of Leasing’s honestly not that strong, hold. If he tried to break free physically his lover and guard would easily let him go. But with just words a Lessing doesn't budge. “You should sleep, schatz,” Ebenholz sighed, at least it didn't seem like he was crying anymore.

“Without you? Nein,” Lessing allowed himself to pout, which usually had Ebenholz agreeing to nearly anything. 

“I’ll be back schnell,” Ebenholz promised, Lessing’s hold weakened for long enough for him to sit up. Not that, once again, Lessing would force him to stay. 

Lessing quickly sat up. “Kann ich kommen mit?” Lessing asked, pulling Ebenholz into a weak hug. He saw Graf’s ear flick in self-annoyance. He didn't want to be alone but also didn't want to admit it. “Schatz…” Lessing hummed as he gently, ready to stop at any sign of resistance, pulled Ebenholz closer. Tucking his head under his chin.

“You're annoyingly good at keeping me in bed,” Ebenholz sighed, leaning his full weight on Lessing. Not that the younger of the two felt it. His sword might have weighed more than Ebenholz…

“I'll take any reprimand or punishment you see fit after you sleep some more,” Lessing smiled slightly. 

Ebenholz just hummed, already half asleep. Glad his gentle persuasion worked, Lessing guided them down to the pillows.

Next time he woke up it was due to grumbling and shifting of the man in his arms. “Morgen schatz,” Lessing hummed as he kissed the top of Ebenholz’s head. “Allies gut?”

“Grand, thank you very much, stop squishing me,” Ebenholz complained, as always grumpy to have to wake up and do his work.

Lessing let go of Graf Urtica splaying out across the whole bed. Dating a noble had perks outside how pretty Ebenholz was and his cheery personality. “Allies gut?” He asked again as Ebenholz sat up and rolled his shoulders. Younger caprinae dared to run a hand down Ebenholz's spine exposed by his shirt mysteriously vanishing in the night. Lessing had nothing to do with it but he enjoyed it and smiled slightly as Ebenholz shuddered.

“Lessing,” Graf hissed to ring to glare at his lover and guard. Lessing yawned but raised his arms offering more cuddles in case Ebenholz was interested.

“Es ist Sonntag, Franz. You can stay in bed longer one day,” he reminded, not too directly, the intentions Ebenholz voiced last evening.

After levelling Lessing with an unimpressed look Ebenholz sighed and gave up. Having all of Ebenholz on top of him felt good to Lessing. It reminded him that he was the one able to hold the Graf Urtica. The last descendant of the Witch King is like this. No one else, just him. 

“Lessing…” Ebenholz hissed a warning as the younger man's hands travelled dangerously low towards the waistband of his sleep pants.

“Ya?” Lessing hummed pretending he didn't have any idea what he meant.

Ebenholz grumbled and sat up straddling Lessing's waist. “You're the worst,” he huffed, hands on Leasing's stomach, younger’s hands resting loosely on his waist. Ready to steady him if needed.

“Warum?” Lessing grinned. It would seem his plan to frustrate Ebenholz into staying in bed longer was working.

Ebenholz let out an annoyed bleat and before Lessing could comment soft and delicate lips were on his, kissing all breath and sneaky retorts away. “No holding back,” Ebenholz demanded, breaking the kiss briefly.

Lessing didn't need to be told twice, quickly swapping their positions, somehow losing his own sleep shirt along the way. Ebenholz's arms quickly wrapped around him as well as they could, feeling the shifting of muscles as Leasing loomed over Ebenholz.

“Schatz, schatz, bitte… Lessing…” Ebenholz mumbled as Lessing moved down to kiss along his delicate jaw and neck. Gently nip at shoulders and clavicle. And was about to move lower, start praising Ebenholz, knowing how quickly it unfolded his walls. 

*Knock**knock* someone dared interrupt Lessing's plan.

“Was? This better be important,” Ebenholz yelled, stopping Lessing from sitting up by grabbing his horns. “Nein,” he hissed and Lessing gladly continued to mark his pale skin in marks of his love and adoration.

“The staff is worried where you've been, you're late for breakfast,” the annoying perro whose name Lessing refused to learn just to annoy him was there. Of course, he was.

“Es ist Sonntag, when better to take some time off,” Ebenholz huffed.

“Herr Lessing, please keep the marks to where they can be hidden, we don't need a scandal,” Biegler sighed and walked off. Lessing stuck his tongue out for a second, getting a chuckle out of Ebenholz.

Faced with a challenge Lessing set out to mark Ebenholz as much as possible.

“I should separate you and Biegler,” Ebenholz complained as he dried his hair in front of a mirror. He was covered in hickeys, bites and scratches.

“I see no reason for such drastic actions,” Leasing shrugged, deftly dodging a hairbrush tossed at him. “My actions had nothing to do with herr Spy’s words,” he rolled his eyes, hugging Ebenholz and giving him a fast kiss.

Ebenholz didn't comment much more, as Lessing kept the marks easy enough to hide with clothes. “We're supposed to visit Rhodes Island for checkups soon,” Ebenholz sighed, leaning into his guard.

“I'll come with you, wherever you go,” Lessing promised, raising one of Ebenholz's hands to kiss it.

Biegler was not at all glad by how long the two delayed his careful plan for the day.

[mail-me-a-snail]

for the fanfic ask meme: B, F, H, I, M, Q, R, S, T, U & V!!! c:

OH BOY <3

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

welllll the everyday miscellaneous was um 99% projecting. i was working thru some mental stuff n i really needed an outlet and bill tench was right there!

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

does this mean one of my own or one i like. either way ill drop some reccs from both pools.

while im still reading @swearingcactus 's pick me up and memory downs, the hurt/comfort is so so tasty and i love love how the twist is sprinkled into the earlier chapters and its all starting to unfold.

apart from that, @civilization-illstayrighthere 's funny you should ask makes me want to BAWL. if u like the hurt/comfort of past inputs and a love thats a few shades from poisonous, this is the one for u.

as for my own, the your heart is on my sleeve series is just h/c after h/c with some major character death sprinkled in :P

H: How would you describe your style?

i write like im writing for an audiobook. i focus on how sentences would sound rolling off someones tongue, how theyd hit physically once said out loud, etc, because its one of the best ways to figure out how awkward a sentence might sound otherwise.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

sexual tension and homoerotic teasing but not full blown smut. love it when a character touches another person in some way that gets them flustered and red and then the author leaves it at that :3 so fucking delicious.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

one im working on rn has vance infected with a virus that slowly starts raising his internal body temperature degree by degree before he overheats and the virus resets to repeat the cycle :] he has to get it out before it reaches his brain

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

blinks wetly. i dont wanna talk about it theres a whole sideblog dedicated to one of them. but also i had this fic idea where vance gets caught by militech and its this whole thing...theres also a handful of scenes i wrote where kerry goes to vance's apartment in the glen n discovers (to his horror) how many jackets his boyfriend actually has

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

samantha downing, suzanne collins, austin chant, helena fox, and tj klune are my biggest influences :3 fanfic wise, it would be the two i mentioned above and @glitchinginthegarden and you!! you august you!!!

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

when two characters r bitter divorced exes but theyre still madly in love with each other and HATEEE the fact that they are. i want them to hatefuck and be pissed off about it

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

please. lord god. stop woobifying villains. i would like them to retain the nuance they have in canon thank u

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.

SILVERDYNE. i want 2 write for them so bad but i dont know what premise would be interesting to me. im rotating them certainly but nothing's come of it so far

V: A secondary (or underrated) character you want to see more of in fic?

where is rogue my friend the love of my life rogue amendiares