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imagine-a-life-like-this · 3 years

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Here Goes Everything (K.NJ)

Warnings : drug use, alcohol, parties, hook ups, swearing, fwb

Word Count : 3890

Synopsis : he’s too good for her, and she knows that. he’s tall, handsome, smart, kind, everything you could ask for. and she’s addicted to drugs, alcohol and partying. so she settles for fwb with a guy she met at a party, while he begins to fall for the perfect woman.

“You’re going to ruin yourself if you continue like this.” He wasn’t exactly yelling, but his voice was loud and booming as he paced my living room, running his hands through his hair.

“It’s my life, Joon.” I countered, standing from the couch, and standing in front of him, effectively stopping his pacing. “You’re not my dad and you’re not my boyfriend. So why does it matter what I do?” A soft laugh left his lips as he rolled his eyes.

“You know what, you’re right. I’m not your boyfriend, I shouldn’t care.” He was gone with the slam of my door. I collapsed back onto my couch, immediately calling Yoongi and telling him to bring the good stuff. Within minutes he was on my couch as we took turns doing lines and shots.

“I heard Jackson is throwing a party.” He threw out as I rested my head on his shoulder, waiting for the drugs and alcohol to kick in and let me forget Namjoon.

“Shit, his parties are the best. We invited?” I moved slightly so my chin was resting on his shoulder so I could look at his face. He smirked, showing me his text conversation with Jackson earlier.

“Of course we are. We’re the life of the party.” I got up from the couch to get changed. I threw on something I knew would get me the attention I craved; a pair of denim shorts that just covered my ass, a black cropped tank top, and a baggy sweater that I stole from Yoongi months ago. I left it unzipped so it would slide off one of my arms, and quickly slid on my comfy heeled combat boots. “Who you trying to impress looking like that?” Yoongi asked when I made my way back to the living room, licking his lips as he gave me a once over. I threw my arms lazily around his neck and his hands immediately wrapped around my waist, bringing me closer to him.

“As if you have to ask.” I teased, glancing down at his lips. He didn’t hesitate in closing the minimal space between us, soft gasps escaping from both of us.

It wasn’t hard to find Jackson when we arrived at his place. The man was made for throwing parties; he was the biggest social butterfly I’ve ever met. He was making rounds, greeting everyone, and making sure everyone was having a great time. His eyes were on me the second I walked in the door, and he left the group he was talking to to greet me. “And the party queen arrives.” He smirked, bringing me in for a hug.

“We had to stop to get more of the good shit.” Yoongi said, taking Jackson’s attention away from me.

“You guys started without me?” Jackson jokingly pouted, causing both Yoongi and I to roll our eyes. “Meet me in my room, I’ll grab Jungkook and Jae Beom.” We nodded and headed upstairs to the last room on the left and set up. It didn’t take long for the other 3 to join us for some lines. We sat and joked around for a while so it could kick in, and then we joined the party raging on downstairs.

“You look so good tonight.” Yoongi moaned into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind as I made us some drinks. His lips were soon pressing on the side of my neck, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses before I turned around in his arms and pressed my lips to his. My hands gripped onto his hair as his tongue begged for entrance, which I fully obliged.

“Always a show when you two get together.” Jungkook chuckled, causing us to break apart. Yoongi didn’t move, just kept his arms wrapped tightly around me as I placed my hands on his chest and looked over to Jungkook.

“We’re not dating.” I corrected. He put his hands up in surrender, but I could see the teasing look in his eyes. “Just fucking.” I added, pressing a quick kiss to Yoongi’s cheek.

“Love is dumb anyway.” Yoongi chimed in. “I get all the benefits, none of the bullshit.” He smirked, pulling me in for another heated kiss. Love is dumb, which is why I settle for this instead allowing myself to fall completely head over heels for my best friend.

Kim Namjoon is every girls dream when it comes to dating. He’s considerate, kind, giving, loving, funny, smart, tall, and not to mention sexy as fuck. He’s always had my entire heart since the day we met in our first year of high school. Someone had decided to dump their smoothie on my shirt, and without thinking, Namjoon had slipped his sweater on my shoulders, grabbing my arms, and sliding them through the arm holes before zipping it up, effectively hiding the stain.

I was already on a slippery slope back then, drinking with friends much older than I. But he saved me, honestly speaking. He helped me get my grades up, helped me get into and then graduate college. He was there for every hard night, every sick day, and has seen me at my best and my worst. Kim Namjoon was everything I needed and everything I wanted.

Yoongi was the complete opposite of Namjoon. He did drugs, drank, and partied all the time. He dropped out of college to party and could barely hold down a job. He introduced me to Jackson, Jae Beom and Jungkook, and soon the 5 of us became the life of every party.

I met Yoongi soon after Namjoon started dating a girl who was perfect for him. It had been years since I stepped foot in a party, but when I was walking and heard the pounding music, it was like it was calling for me. Like fate had put me there at that time on purpose, so I could find Min Yoongi and get over the pain of losing my first love.

I remembered walking through the door, and Yoongi’s eyes immediately met mine. It’s like he could see how broken I was and took me under his wing. Within a couple hours, I had completely forgotten about Namjoon and miss perfect.

It became a regular thing for me again, staying out late and not remembering what I did. Because when I woke up the next day, I was met with the realization that the only man I’ve ever loved, will never love me. So every night I drank myself into oblivion and slept with Yoongi. It was the closest thing to love I’ll ever get.

“I want you to meet her.” Namjoon told me a few days later as we sat on the couch, watching some movie I already forget the name of. “You’re my best friend and she’s been asking to meet you.” He had told me lots about her in the past. How smart she is, how pretty she is, how absolutely perfect she is. It is glaringly obvious how much different she is from me.

“Whatever.” I said under my breath, really not in the mood to hear about his perfect girlfriend. “Should we invite her to dinner then?” I asked in a monotone voice, not looking away from the tv, though I had no idea what was going on with the characters on the screen. The only thing I could focus on was the new cologne Namjoon was wearing, and how close he was sitting to me.

“She’d love that.” He smiled, immediately pulling out his phone to text her.

“I’m bringing Yoongi then. I don’t want to third-wheel.” His head snapped up to look at me when I said that. Besides, I’ll need drugs to get through this. I thought to myself, texting Yoongi to see if he was free.

“So you two are officially dating?” Namjoon asked, causing me to look over at him for the first time since we sat down. All he was wearing was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but somehow he looked incredible. His girlfriend was so lucky, and I hope she knew that. I hope she treats him like the king he is, because if she were to break his heart, she’d be breaking mine too.

“You know I don’t date, Joon.” I chuckled, rolling my eyes as the absurdity that I’d be able to love anyone that wasn’t him.

Yoongi and I quickly snuck into my room to do a couple lines before meeting Namjoon back in the living room so we could leave for the restaurant. The two of them have met on multiple occasions during these last few months, but they never seemed to get along. Namjoon blamed Yoongi for getting me back into partying, and Yoongi hates that Namjoon can’t see the great girl in front of him.

As expected, she was stunning, even in her simple sundress. Namjoon’s face completely lit up when she joined our table. “You must be Y/N.” She exclaimed with a wide smile. “Joonie has told me so much about you.” Why did I think this was a good idea? I could feel the tears spring to my eyes just watching them interact, wishing it was me.

“Did you just want to leave? Jackson’s throwing another party.” Yoongi whispered in my ear. “A pool party with his closest friends.” He added with a playful smirk as he pinched my side. I let out a little squeal, catching the attention of Namjoon and Ji Soo.

“We should hurry and order. Yoongi just reminded me that it’s our friend’s birthday tonight.” I lied with a small smile, and Ji Soo immediately agreed.

“Don’t want you to miss another party.” Namjoon said with a displeased look on his face.

“So glad you see it our way.” Yoongi bit back, a smile on his face as he cocked his head to the side. Ji Soo looked between the two of them, obviously sensing the sudden tension in the air.

“You seriously can’t skip this party?” His question was directed at me, but Yoongi answered.

“Didn’t you hear her? It’s our friend’s birthday.”

“And which friend would that be?” Namjoon countered, completely ignoring both Ji Soo and I, who just looked at each other, not wanting to get involved.

“Jackson.” Yoongi said, placing his elbows on the table and resting his head in his hands, looking over at Namjoon with a playful look in his eyes, but I could see the anger in the way his jaw was clenching. “You know, the guy who threw her a huge birthday bash when her best friend forgot her birthday.” Namjoon’s eyes widened when he heard that, but I refused to look at him, keeping my head down as I pretended to look through the menu. I could tell that Namjoon was going through the days in his mind, trying to see if Yoongi was telling the truth.

“Y/N, why didn’t you say anything?” I glanced up for just a second before looking back to the menu like it was the most interesting book in the world.

“You were busy with Ji Soo. It’s not that big a deal. I had a good day.” I still remembered getting ready for our birthday tradition of ordering in and watching a bunch of movies in a fort. A tradition that was started by Namjoon in high school when he found out no one remembered my birthday. He asked his parents if I could come over for the night, and I remember seeing the horribly built fort in his room and crying.

We’ve gotten better at building forts over the years, but the tradition still went unmissed for 7 years, until this year. I could see the apologetic look in both Namjoon and Ji Soo’s eyes. She never meant to take Namjoon from me, but she was such a good person. Of course he would choose her over me, even on my birthday. “You know, I’m suddenly not hungry.” I chirped, closing the menu, and placing it back on the table. “Have a date night. Yoongi and I have somewhere to be.”

“Y/N!” Namjoon called after me, following Yoongi and I to the parking lot before grabbing my wrist and stopping me. “Why didn’t you remind me?”

“I didn’t think I needed to.” I slid his hand off my wrist and slid my hand into Yoongi’s and we left. “You didn’t have to say that.” I whispered as he drove away, leaving Namjoon in the parking lot, staring after us, and Ji Soo sitting alone at a table meant for 4.

“He deserved to know how horribly he’s been treating you lately.” I knew he was right. I would have never told Joon how much he’s been neglecting me since his relationship with Ji Soo began. “We’ll stop by your place to get your swim suit, then we’ll get drunk and forget about love.” He smiled at me, placing his hand on my thigh. Why did I have to fall in love with the only man who could never love me?

“I’m going to have to throw more pool parties if this is what you look like in a bikini.” Jackson teased, pulling me in for a hug, kissing my cheek as we pulled away.

“Always a flirt.” I joked back, blowing him a kiss. Everyone who was invited was already in the pool, enjoying the drinks and loud music. Jungkook and Jae Beom saw Yoongi and I standing with Jackson by the sliding glass door leading into his house, and quickly made their way towards us.

“You two are always the last to arrive.” Jae Beom teased, bumping me lightly with his shoulder.

“Probably fucking and losing track of time.” Jungkook jumped in, a teasing smile on his face. I threw my head back in laughter as Yoongi slid his arm around my waist.

“If you’re jealous, just say so.” Yoongi quipped, pressing a soft kiss to my neck. “Who’s joining us in the kitchen?” He asked the three boys in a tone that alluded to what the plan was. All three of them followed us as we continued our tradition of getting absolutely trashed together.

I found myself drinking more than usual as thoughts of Namjoon just wouldn’t leave my mind. I could still see the way his entire face lit up when Ji Soo joined us, as if she was the love of his life. And maybe she was. Maybe in due time I’d be a guest at their wedding, Yoongi on my arm as we try to get low-key trashed. We’d probably fuck in an abandoned room at whatever venue they decided on.

I always pictured a life where Namjoon returned my feelings, and I was the one walking down the aisle towards him. He would smile when he saw me dressed in white, and he would whisper how beautiful I was when I met him at the alter. There would be no second thoughts, no cold feet. It’s like he’s my soulmate, but I’m not his. And that hurts.

So I drown my sorrows in drugs and alcohol. Splashing around with all the guys in the pool, my vision blurring the more I drank. Yoongi sat me on the edge of the pool at one point, standing between my legs as we gave the rest of them a small show as we made out. Cheers were heard from all our friends and we couldn’t help but laugh at how high school this all felt.

It wasn’t until Yoongi swam away, joining a game the rest of them were playing, that I realized just how drunk and unstable I was. I tried to stop myself from falling forwards, but I couldn’t. And the next thing I remember is hitting my head on the bottom of the pool and hearing everyone call my name.

Blinding lights woke me up who knows how long later, and I could feel my head pound worse than any hangover I’ve ever felt. “Y/N!” Yoongi exclaimed when he saw my eyes opened, immediately taking my hand in his, bringing it to his lips and giving it a soft kiss. “You scared the shit out of me.” I finally took in my surroundings, realizing I was in a hospital room, an IV of fluids in my arm sobering me up quickly. My head whipped towards the door when it slid open, Namjoon walking in.

“You’re up.” I nodded. “What the fuck were you thinking drinking that much?” He suddenly yelled, causing Yoongi to stand up and get into Namjoon’s face.

“Do not fucking talk to her like that!” He countered.

“I’m her best friend! I have a right to be concerned about her wellbeing. And if I’m honest, you are no help.” I wanted to say something, anything, to stop them from arguing, from saying things they won’t be able to take back.

“Last I checked, I’m the person that’s been there for her lately. I’m the person that knows when she’s sad. I’m the person she calls when you yell at her. I’m the person who helps her forget why she’s sad in the first place!” Yoongi yelled, getting closer to Namjoon. “While you run off galivanting with your girlfriend and neglecting the person you call your best friend.”

“I do not neglect Y/N! I make time for her all the fucking time. All you’ve done is undo all the progress I made getting her better.”

“You make time for her and yet you missed her birthday and didn’t even realize it until I told you! I see her every fucking day, so I damn well know you’re not around as much as you think you are. You don’t even know how much she’s hurting.” Yoongi’s voice started getting softer, tears obviously welling up in his eyes. We were fuck buddies, but he’s still a close friend of mine. Seeing me hurt always seemed to hurt him as well. Namjoon then looked passed Yoongi and right at me.

“Why don’t you talk to me anymore? Why does he know you’re hurting, and I don’t?” He pushed Yoongi to the side, stepping closer to me and taking the chair Yoongi was once sitting in.

“Because you’re the one hurting me.” I admitted, tired of biting my tongue around him. Yoongi was right. Namjoon deserved to know how much he was hurting me. “You can’t see how in love with you I am, and brag to me about how perfect Ji Soo is, and it hurts because you’re right. She’s so perfect, especially for you. I’m just a fucking mess and I’m just lucky you’re my best friend, but I love you. So I drown my feelings in alcohol to forget about you.” Namjoon just stared at me. “I don’t expect you to ever return my feelings, Joon. But please for now, just leave.” He didn’t say anything and just left the room, Yoongi quickly taking a seat beside me again.

“I’m proud of you, babe.” He smiled, taking my hand again. “He needed to hear it.” I nodded, refusing to meet his sympathy filled eyes. I deserve someone like Yoongi. Him and I are similar in the worst ways, but we complete each other in the best way. And yet I can’t stop being in love with the one man who is too good for me.

Yoongi didn’t leave my side for the week of bed rest at home I was ordered to take. Neither one of us drank or did drugs, we didn’t even have sex the entire time. He just doted on me; cooking for me and helping me with absolutely everything. I’ve never felt more grateful for him than this moment. It almost helped me forget about Namjoon. Almost.

The day Yoongi left, Namjoon was at my door, an apologetic look in his eyes. I invited him in as the two of us sat on my couch, silence draping over us. It was weird sitting in complete silence with him, neither one of us knowing what to say. “How come you never said anything?” Namjoon finally broke the silence.

“I didn’t want to lose you. Like you said, you made me better. You helped me get on the right path, helped me graduate college, helped me become the person I was months ago. And I knew it was all one-sided. So I bit my tongue, and then you met Ji Soo, and I met Yoongi. Yoongi was able to help me forget that I was watching you fall in love with someone that wasn’t me.” Namjoon was staring at me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, knowing I would burst into tears the second I met his sympathetic eyes.

“How do you know it’s one-sided?”

“Oh please, Joon. You’re literally perfect. A genius with a 4.0 GPA, a wonderful job making good money. You’re such a kind and giving person, not thinking twice about helping a person in need, like giving me your sweater in high school. Not to mention you’re effortlessly handsome. And I’m a mess. I drink and do drugs. I was failing until you helped me. I can barely hold down a job. Just looking at us, anyone could tell that you’re way too good for me.” I laid all my thoughts on the table, wiping away some of the tears that began to fall. “It was inevitable that I was going to fall in love with you.” I added, taking a small glance towards him before looking back to my hands joined together in my lap.

“You’re so much more than that, Y/N. You’re so smart when you apply yourself. You’re such a caring person, like you don’t even think about doing good for others, it’s just second nature to you. And you’re beautiful.” He reached over, brushing some hair away from my face. “So beautiful and you don’t even realize it.” His voice was soft as he spoke. “Sure, you got into the wrong crowd again and found yourself on that slippery slope once again, but relapse is a thing that happens during recovery.”

“What if I don’t want to recover anymore?” I finally met his eyes as my tears fell more frequently.

“Then I’ll just have to give you a reason to.” I scoffed.

“And what reason is that?” He seemed to hesitate for only a second before closing the space between us in a sweet kiss. A kiss so much different than the ones I’ve shared with Yoongi. A kiss filled with love and passion. A kiss that brought me back to life.

“Ji Soo broke up with me that evening at the restaurant. Because even she could see just how in love with you I am.” He whispered, his forehead resting against mine. “Is my love reason enough to continue your recovery?” He pulled back only slightly, his hand coming up to rest on my cheek, wiping away some of the stray tears.

“Your love is the only drug I need.” I smiled, kissing him for the second time, my heart swelling with so much love. It was inevitable that I was going to fall in love with the man who saved me, but it was destiny that he fell in love with me too.

#bts imagine #bts au #kim namjoon imagine #kim namjoon au #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok

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drwcn · 4 years

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maybe after today’s acls training i can finally write that chengqing ER oneshot.

— “Patient male, mid-twenties, motor vehicle collision, eta 3 mins”

— “What no vitals? No GCS? ETA 3 mins? Who’s on the paramedic team?!”

— “No one….Dr. Lu hit someone with her car on her way out of the hospital.”

【A Midnight Conversation in Your Local ER】- Complete

[1]

The night hunt had gone to shits.

That much was undeniable.

Jiang Cheng heard the panicked shout of his disciples just as he saw the array that he had stepped on.

Fuck.

The ghost of an once mediocre demonic cultivator wanna-be was going to bring Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wanyin - the Sandu Shengshou - to meet his maker. The irony of the situation would be laughable, if he wasn’t so irrevocably screwed.

That was his last thought before his entire body was engulfed by a blinding light and the world he knew disappeared.

The ground beneath his feet gave away, weightlessness paralyzing his body though he did not fall. He felt…launched, his body warping and squeezing and stretching, the air sucked from his lungs into the endless black vacuum.

But just like that it was over. Jiang Cheng barely had time to make peace with his death before his feet touch solid earth again.

Or at least….he thought it was earth, this black, tarry hard thing striped with yellow and white. He stared at it dumbly, breathless and disoriented, barely able to react when a loud blare assaulted his senses and his world went blindly bright yet again.

This time there was pain.

Jiang Cheng clutched Sandu, ready to fight, but then his head hit the ground and everything went dark. When he woke up again, an indeterminate amount of time later, he was in a small tube and had a distinct feeling he was not wearing pants, socks or shoes.

How the fuck do you ‘scan’ a cat???

[2]

Method actor. The nurse, from the other side of the curtain, mouthed silently.

“Sir, can you tell me your name.”

“Jiang Cheng, Jiang Wangyin.”

The resident paused, awkwardly contemplating how to continue. “Uh…..which is it? Jiang Cheng or Jiang Wanyin?”

“Jiang Cheng, zi Wanyin.”

“Traditional parents?” The resident tried to crack a joke, but it fell flat. The strange man stared up at him with a blank look in his eyes and a frown that was rapidly deteriorating into a scowl. The resident cleared his throat and cast his eyes back onto his clipboard. “Uh, ahem, just the name on your ID please.”

“My what?"

"Your personal ID….like a driver’s license?”

“Cultivators of the gentry fly on swords or ride horses. We do not rely on carriage valets.”

“Eh… right. Uhm, can you tell me how old you are and what year it is.”

“I’m 39, and the year is jiachen.”

Lu Qi frowned from where she stood by the door, arms crossed, watching her resident and medical student work. 39? He looks like a college student. But he also thinks he can fly, so I guess age is the least of our worries.

“Jiachen.…?”

The M3 fished his phone out from his scrub pocket pocket and typed it in. “Sounds like the ganji system, like an old timey way to record year used in the past.” He whispers clandestinely to the resident.

“….Right. And uh, do you where you are?”

The man scowled at him. “Am I supposed to?”

The resident scribbled something on the chart, and then looked up with a plastered awkward smile. “Well, thank you Mr. Jiang for your patience. Wang Fei here is the medical student on our team. He’s going to stay and ask you a couple more questions if you don’t mind. Afterwards we’ll confer with our attending and the team will be back to see you shortly.”

As he turned away, the R3 grimaced and shared a look with Lu Qi, who was the youngest attending physician in their ER, but was not technically working at the moment and so was not on the case. And technically, as the perpetrator who hit Jiang Cheng with her car, she had a severe conflict of interest.

At least this Jiang Cheng dude didn’t seem keen on pressing personal charges against her for MVA or suing the hospital in general… but that being said…

Yeah, they’re going to need a psych consult.

Unless he’s on acid.

Well… okay, psych consult either way.

[3]

"It’s okay, you can relax.” Jiang Cheng said, waving dismissively at the woman standing by his bedside. “I’m not going to take you to the magistrate for hitting me with your carriage - car. You didn’t mean to, and I just came out of nowhere.”

“....Thank you.”

“You’re not Wen Qing. I know that now. Your name is Lu Qi. You can call off those psychia - psych - psychics - head healers - or whatever, I’m not crazy. It’s not my fault, you just… look so much like someone I used to know."

"Wen Qing.” Lu Qi echoed.

“Yeah. Wen Qing. She was a healer - a doctor - like you, but different.”

“I see. What happened to her?"

"She died. Almost twenty years ago."

"I'm sorry... that's awful.” Lu Qi’s response rolled off her tongue so well, because she had said those word a thousand times during her residency. So much so that it no longer had much meaning to her. Tonight however, she meant what she said. “Were you two close?"

"No, well…yes, maybe. No we weren’t exactly friends if that’s what you’re asking. She...operated on me. Without my consent or knowledge. Took my brother’s golden core and put it in me and then lied with my brother to my face about it. So no we weren’t “close”, but Wen Qing saved my life - well the purpose of it anyway. Saved me from a life of ordinariness.”

Lu Qi did allow herself to dwell too much on what the fuck a “golden core” was, because her gut response was almost instantaneous. “That’s shitty of her.”

She clamped down on her tongue.

God, why did I have to say that? To his face?! He was obviously in love with this Wen Qing person and they were encroaching on some dangerous emotional territories, but Lu Qi swallowed down her caution and plowed on nevertheless. There were things she felt she had to say, and since she’d already hit him with her car, how much worse could this shit get? “What I mean is she shouldn’t have. Not without telling you. Besides...there’s nothing wrong with ordinary.”

Jiang Cheng chuckled bitterly. “Maybe you’re right. Still...she didn’t deserve to die. What her clan did was not her fault.”

Now that threw Lu Qi off. Did this guy...kill her?

Lu Qi half wondered if she stumbled upon a Yakuza-esque member whose psyche finally snapped after years of murder and violence. And yet, he seemed perfectly coherent, no flight of ideas, no tangential thought, no hallucations. Even his delusions seemed...logical.

I must be the one losing, damnit.

Jiang Cheng scratched a little at his chest, as if palpating for the “golden core” that he spoke of. "She saved my life, but when she needed help, I couldn't save her. But, if I were to go back… I can't say I'll choose differently. My clan needed me, my clan who was almost cleansed by hers. No, no I wouldn’t choose differently. I don’t regret my choices, but I am sorry. Sorry to her, sorry to my brother. I'll always be sorry that she died, and that I failed her when she needed me."

Jiang Cheng had no idea why he was telling this stranger any of this, but maybe after twenty years, he was finally ready to address this guilt that he lived with. I mean who else was he supposed to tell? Jin Ling? It was nice, to have that face as an audience, receiving his words of confession.

"She would forgive you."

Lu Qi had no idea why she was offering absolution as if she had authority in this matter, but when she said it, the conviction she felt was so real, it was almost as though some external force was acting through her.

Which was ridiculous of course, but...

"How do you know? You're not her." Jiang Cheng shook his head. “I wouldn’t forgive me.”

"No, but you said she was a physician. So she should know, more than most, that sometimes there is no choosing who gets to live or die."

Jiang Cheng fell quiet at that, and his gaze grew distant. Lu Qi thought perhaps he was no longer seeing her as she was in front of him - white coat, scrubs, stethoscope - but someone entirely different. The tension he held in his shoulders slowly eased, and he sighed. In the silence that stretched between them, Lu Qi hoped that this strange man with his strange past could find a sliver of peace.

[4]

— Did you love her?

— I thought so, foolishly, but maybe I didn’t. Even if I did, it was not well enough.

— Do you love her still?

— No... I don’t know. It’s been too long...but sometimes, late at night when Lotus Pier is quiet, I think I do.

...

— Are you ashamed of it?

...

— No. No I’m not.

[5]

The patient known as Jiang Cheng left AMA, that is, against medical advice. It was the term they used sometimes for people who just up and leave without informing the team.

Lu Qi had gone out to check on his labs, which came back with bonker numbers (I mean really, a hemoglobin of 455, sodium of 200, and a HCO3 of like...3?), but Jiang Cheng was gone from Bay 6 when she returned. The nurse made the overhead page, a code yellow was called, but four hours later, Lu Qi was ready to admit that she was never going to see this Jiang Cheng ever again.

Somehow, she was okay with that. She had said what needed to be said.

Her chief had given her a call on her cell and told her to go home and sleep. The guy didn’t look like he was gonna press charges, let’s count our blessings and move on. But the night had just been too damn strange that Lu Qi was all wired up from it and couldn’t possibly fall asleep. She had handover at 10 anyway. There was a change of clothes and toiletries in her bag. She could always take a shower in the anesthesia staff’s on call room and sleep until then.

Dr. Sun was the anesthesia staff on-call tonight and was currently stuck in trauma OR. They were buddies since medschool; she’d understand.

Sighing, Lu Qi took a seat on the bench across from the bougie cafe in the lobby of the hospital. At this hour, it was the only one still open in the entire facility. The drinks they sold cost an arm and a leg, but Lu Qi needed the pick-me-up after the night she had.

As she nursed the last bit of her matcha latte, two bickering voices pulled her attention to the front entrance.

“Aiyo, A-Liang I already said I’m fine! I don’t need to be here!”

“Fuck out of here with that bullshit, Chen Zhaoxi. You fell off the fucking roof! If Wu Kun hadn’t called me, you’d have gone on -”

It was him! Lu Qi shot up. It was Jiang Cheng!

But no...no it wasn’t him. The well-dressed man dragging the second man (dressed in red pajamas) into the hospital was not Jiang Cheng. He had the same face - chiselled, handsome, scowling - but it wasn’t him. For one, his hair was trimmed short and neat, unlike Jiang Cheng who looked like he walked straight out of a BL xianxia tv drama. Secondly, his face was softer, eyes younger, and he couldn’t have been older than Lu Qi herself in her early thirties.

“I was just trying to get to the litter of kittens trapped -”

“Yes, yes, and it was very heroic and I’m sure it would’ve made Wu Kun very horny, and you morons probably would’ve fucked once he got home had you not made a valiant attempt at breaking your neck -”

“Excuse me,” the security guard manning the information desk chastised sharply. “It’s 4am. This is a hospital! Lower your voices, sirs.”

“Sorry.” The men apologized sheepishly.

Then, A-Liang, Jiang Cheng’s doubleganger asked, “Could you please direct us to the ER? This is my brother, he fell off a roof.”

Lu Bin had no idea what possessed her to interject. “I can take you there.”

All eyes fell on her. She walked towards them, heart pounding.

This can’t be happening, this kind of thing just can’t happen...

A-Liang’s face broke into a grateful smile. “Thank you, Miss -” Then his gaze trailed to her badge, and he corrected himself, “Dr. Lu. I’m Shen Liang. This is my brother Chen Zhaoxi. I think he fractured...well multiple things, please help him.”

“Of course, come with me. Let’s get him a wheelchair. If he fractured is leg, he probably shouldn’t be walking.”

“I didn’t fracture -”

“You, you shut up.” Shen Liang rolled his eyes. “Don’t listen to him. He can lose three out of four limbs and say ‘ t’s but a flesh wound’.”

Lu Qi couldn’t help but chuckle as she put an arm under the complaining Chen Zhaoxi and helped him towards the wheelchair.

Shen Liang’s smile widened.

[Extra]

“Holy shit, took you long enough!”

When Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui finally dragged Jiang Cheng to their portal site, Jiang Cheng realized that the transportation talisman had created a channel through realities between what looked like two metal garbage dumpsters in a back alley behind a food establishment marked by giant yellow bunny ears.

Standing guard there, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen were each munching on a strange layered bread and holding tall drinks contained in...what was it called again? Right. Styrofoam.

“What is that?” Jin Ling wrinkled is nose at it. Brat.

“It’s a Big Mac.” Replied Lan Jingyi as if Jin Ling was stupid. “And this is a milk shake.”

Jin Ling scowled. “I said the bag of gold I gave you was for emergencies.”

“Yeah but we were hungry.” Ouyang Zizhen defended. He neglected to tell them that the cashier had refused to accept the gold and instead asked for “cash” or “card”, neither of which they had, so Zizhen used a liiiiil confounding talisman he learned from Wei Wuxian. They did leave more than enough gold though...and that ought to cover the restaurant’s cost for their “burger”lary . Reaching into the brown paper bag he held under one arm, Zizhen pulled out a little box that opened to show pieces of... something. “These are chicken nuggets. They’re delicious! Try one! They’re really good with this sauce....hold on...”

Lan Sizhui sighed. “We don’t have time for this. The portal will close soon. Let’s get Jiang-zongzhu home and we can sample these exotic food later.”

The boys agreed.

Jiang Cheng shook his head and huffed.

#cql #the untamed #chengqing #wen qing #jiang cheng #a midnight conversation in your local er #cql ficlet #corie fics

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softieteez · 3 years

Text

backstory

warning: death, cancer, drinking, mental abuse, some physical abuse, cussing, crying, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, child neglect

genre: angst

summary: before ivy even got to her teen years, things were more difficult than most adults lives. from losing her dad, to experiencing neglect.

a/n: ivy’s story is pretty deep. feel free to skip this post if you are triggered by anything listed. also i’ll be using her birth name a lot throughout this story.

languages: normal = english. italic = korean

olivia min was born june 4, 2001 in michigan. she is the youngest of three siblings. miya, the oldest, was born february 20, 1997. and austin, the middle child, was born august 4, 1999.

growing up, olivia had an amazing relationship with her family members. her parents were always really supportive of anything she wanted to do. and her siblings, were annoying, but they all love each other so much. the family was pretty middle class, maybe more upper middle class. they had enough money to buy nice things and go on trips, which was nice and it gave the kids experiences they’d always remember.

when she was a baby, the families friend jax, had given her the nickname ‘ivy.’ the name stuck with him and eventually spread to friends at school. but her family members always called her olivia or jisoo, her korean name.

in school she was a social butterfly, running around recess practically collecting friends like they were collectors items. and because of her loving nature, no one could say no. she’s also very smart, she’s always had straight a’s and was usually willing to participate in class. teacher would say she was a sweet and smart little girl, and of course she could make the class burst into giggles at any second.

olivia started dancing at the young age of 4 when her parents enrolled her into dance classes. there, she met new friends and became one of the best youth dancers in their town.

her grandparents lived in ohio, which meant a lot of the times they would travel there for the holidays. olivia had a friend named aggy that lived there.

aggy lived next door to ivy’s grandparents. she was diagnosed with leukemia only five months before meeting the family, this was when ivy was maybe 7 years old.

through the years, ivy excelled in everything from piano lessons that she started when she was 5, to even cooking. she was a cheerful and happy little girl. until she reached age 9 when her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.

this was a huge reality hit. she didn’t really understand it though, her dad was healthy. until he wasn’t. she remembers that day so clearly

“where’s mom and dad?” olivia asked walking into the kitchen and seeing her sister sitting next to their sleeping brother on the couch

“hospital, grandma and grandpa will be here in a few hours. for now our neighbors are gonna look after us”

“hospital? but why?” the little girl tilted her head

“i don’t know olivia. go back to sleep it’s early” miya did know, she saw her dad getting worse and worse as the months went on. but the last thing anyone wanted to do was worry anymore people. especially austin and olivia.

“okay…” she responded and went back toward her bedroom.

a few hours later she woke up to her grandma shaking her awake “wake up olivia. grandpa and i brought lunch.” the elderly woman spoke

olivia smiled at her grandmother as she sat up and stretched. the girl walked to the kitchen.

she still remembers all the yummy food her grandparents made, now knowing it was out of grief. later that night was when her parents revealed the truth to the kids.

and suddenly her whole world collapsed.

she would miss dance class and sometimes even school because her father would be in the hospital. because her mom and dad were always gone, she and her other siblings were expected to help around the house. occasionally with their grandparent by their side.

when she turned 10, she didn’t have much of a birthday blow out. and her present was some nail polish because that was all her family could afford at the time. when she turned 11, they spent her birthday in the hospital. her dads condition became so much worse that he wasn’t able to leave the hospital.

“i’m sorry you have to spend your birthday like this livvy” her dad held her had. his skin was paler than usual. colder too.

“it’s okay dad, i’m just happy we’re all here” she smiled as she held back tears. but her dad knew she wanted to cry.

“me and your mom got you something” he smiled and looked at his wife. the woman smiled sadly and reach in her purse to pull out a small purple box.

olivia grabbed the box from her mothers hand and opened it slowly. a beautiful butterfly necklace was revealed.

“it took a little while for us to find the perfect one” her moms sniffled. “we wanted you to love it”

thinking back on that moment. ivy now understood they wanted it to be special because it would be the last gift she would ever receive from her father.

“thank you mommy. thank you daddy” she whispered and pecked her dads forehead.

sadly, on june 29, her father passed away in the middle of the night. for some reason, her brain blocks this moment out. it’s all a blur.

her and her sister were sleeping on the little couch the nurses had set up and her brother was laying on the sleeping bag he had brought on the floor. it happened so suddenly. she woke up to her mom hysterically crying and weeping.

her brother and sister were frantic as nurses guided them three of them out of the room. but she does remember the last look she had at her dad.

he didn’t look real, more like a painting. or a sculpture maybe. his skin was practically white and his body was lifeless.

her whole family was in a depression, especially her mom. after losing her husband, she started drinking to numb the pain.

her grandparents left ohio and went back to korea completely unannounced. it was up to miya and austin to take care of themselves, each other, and of course olivia.

after a month of her fathers passing. the family had got a call from aggy’s mom informing them that aggy passed away july 25. so now she lost her dad and her best friend. along with that her mom isn’t stable enough to take care of her and her siblings, and her grandparents were m.i.a.

when she turned 12, that’s when her moms drinking got worse. she was living off of beer and tv dinners. she was also now mentally abusive toward her children.

austin became the child that started work. he would work late at night and then go to school all day. he was responsible for the families income at age 14.

miya was rarely ever home as well, but she was gone to escape their mom. she would rebel, hang out with her boyfriend, who ivy later found out was physically abusive.

then ivy was the kid that did the chores. she would also clean the neighbors houses to help pay her dance fees. the neighbors would always feel bad so they’d usually give her $30 for each chore she did. that was barely enough though.

and somehow, none of their friends ever noticed anything. except for austin’s, he’s always shut down plans to work and was overly tired all the time. but the friends did start noticing behavior changes

ivy became really depressed and spent most of her days just waiting for them to end.

the family got some income from the bank after the fathers passing. the kids were all in his will, earning $114k each. but they wouldn’t receive that until age 18.

around this time, ivy got into contact with her grandparent. begging day after day to move their and live out her dream of being an idol. her siblings would even call and beg the grandparents to let her, not wanting her to experience this life anymore.

after months of begging, her grandparents finally agreed to move her out to korea. she had already submitted audition videos to big companies like sm, jyp, yg, bighit etc.

she was 13 when she was officially moved into korea. she lived with her grandma and grandpa for a month before moving into the jyp dorms. she trained there for a year before being sent off to audition for produce 101.

during this time, she experienced great stress. her anxiety and depression led to suicidal thoughts and almost had to leave the show because of it. many fans who were supporting her throughout the show noticed her getting skinnier and skinnier by the episode.

somi, who became her best friend instantly, was also worried for her. ivy felt bad that she was worrying people. but she couldn’t help it, her mind controlled her. her thoughts were always telling her to do something. she would practice all the time and forget to eat.

somi would often watch after her to make sure she would at least eat a bagel and drink water everyday.

it wasn’t long before ivy would share her story, only parts of it publicly. her story reached american headlines, meaning her family and friends had seen it.

she was struggling for years. and it was only recently when she found inner happiness. she worked hard during produce, and didn’t win. and of course, she left jyp and moved to kq where she met her life long friends.

her boys have helped her so much, they were there to listen to her story, to hug her when she cried.

those are her boys, her family. her home.

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skullchicken · 3 years

Text

On the 30.04.2021, Meinhart Bonifaz Brant, at that point an unassuming spindly 15-year old human reading Stanislaw Lem's "Star Diaries" on the living room couch, goblinized into a giant. About 50 years later, he would go on a few adventures under the street name "Alberich" (you see, it's very funny because he's not a dwarf).

In honor of goblinization-day, I'm compiling all of the art and (hopefully entertaining) stories I have of mah boi and the chicago shadowrun-group - so these are going to be some long posts. Everything under the cut so I don't clog up your dashboards and cut up into chunks. If you don't want to see it, blacklist "goblinization".

Part 1, the first mission:

So, why is Alberich? When I joined the shadowrun-group that would start my obsession, my english conversational skills weren't that great. Mostly trouble finding words and having a really thick german accent. Since I was a bit self-conscious about that, I decided to instead lean into it. Thus Alberich was a german-born ex-museum director turned shadowrunner since he did a Very Stupid Thing and had to leave the Allied German States for Chicago.

What did he do? He made a deal with a dragon. Specifically, he sold a forged piece of art to Lofwyr, CEO of Saeder-Krupp.

Alberich was introduced into the already formed group something like this: "At the entrance of the building, arriving punctually, you spot the biggest troll you've probably ever seen, looking very uncomfortable to be here and slinking as much as is even possible. All in all, he somehow doesn't look very threatening. In fact, he looks as if an art teacher had been stuffed with a 3 meter/10 feet tall horned giant. His face lights up as he sees you, though."

So the first thing he does is shake everyone's hand, politely assuring them that it's a pleasure to meet them and yes, he is Alberich, and who are you? Ah, yes, lovely names, very creative.

For reference, this is the average shadowrun-group:

Speaking of which, the gang's line-up did change a bit unfortunately, but the ones that stayed from beginning to end were:

Speedrun, street-samurai. An adrenaline-junkie who has styled himself after anime. Very much trying to be cool, to the point that he has adopted a deep-sounding voice that's rather obviously not his natural speaking voice. We pictured it as him talking with his head on his chin. Here he is, trying to impress the fighting adept shere khan:

Elf_Queen, decker and elf-poser. An elf-poser is someone who tries very hard to be elf-like - in her case, she wanted to actually *be* an elf. She ran away from home since her parents were metahuman-racists (Humanis policlub). Notably, her online and offline persona were very different. Online, she's very assertive and the guild leader of an mmorpg. Offline however, she's pretty much scared of anything. When Alberich joined the group, she hid behind Speedrun - you don't live with humanis for that long without picking up some xenophobia as well. And trolls aren't well-liked in the game world.

So the first mission: De-kidnap a kidnapped singer called Jericho. First we took a look at the bus-line she had last taken, a task for which Elf_Queen had to jack into said bus. Only three problems: A) She had to get behind a metal covering inside the bus B) her character sheet is min-maxed to hell and back, thus she has ONE measly point in strenght. Which wouldn't be a problem since she's in the presence of three pretty strong dudes if not for C) Massive Social Anxiety.

After looking around like a wet bunny for 5 minutes, Alberich (who has also cramped himself into the bus) finally catches on and goes "... can I help you, little lady?", pops the cover open and she can get deckin'. You might call this strike 1. You'll see why.

After visiting her appartment and some more investigation, we gather that Miss Jericho has been taken away into a bunraku (think brothel but with more brainwashing) to be re-programmed to the liking of her ex-boyfriend whose band she left to make it on her own (and quite successfully so). Which means we'll have to deal with Yakuza.

The bunraku turns out to be disguised as a night club. After I tried and failed to casually infiltrate the place (... I... er... wasn't a very good player at first?) we had to flee forwards, take out the guards at the door and make sure we get in and out of there as soon as possible.

In the club, almost before we made it backstage, Elf_Queen got held up by a guy bent on talking to her and froze up. Well, at least until Alberich very casually bent over the two of them and informed the guy that "she's with me". I tell you this, because this was strike 2.

Backstage, past a kitchen and into the cellar, we finally got into a room with two rows of plexi-glass cells - and in the middle, a bound spirit, a thing that feeds on negative emotions. Our muscle (Speedrun and Baba Yaga - yes, we had a John Wick in our midst. And yes, Alberich technically doesn't count as muscle, he's a mage. It's complicated) were outside, fighting off Yakuza. So it was up to EQ to hack Miss Jericho's cell open as quickly as possible and for me to make sure she wouldn't die while doing so.

After like three rounds of unsuccessful banishing (as I said... not a good player), the cell was open. But...

But.

There were the other victims.

What about the others?

Now, when I thought up Alberich, my core idea was "Daryl Whitefeather and Don Corleone having a mental fistfight". I tend to play good characters and this time around, to honor the setting I set out a morally grey character, someone who mostly looks out for himself and only indulges in kindness when he has the luxury to do so. Being kind and polite, if you think about it, is really just usually the easiest and most pleasant way to get people to do what you want. And if people are convinced you're scary by nature, seeming less so is just a smart survival strategy.

But then he looks at this little socially anxious nerd, who very much reminds him of himself, when he used to be a little socially anxious nerd, long, long ago and she says with big eyes "please! can you give me a bit more time? We need to save the others! We have to try!" and it's just... strike three. He's taken the little decker into his heart. So internally he goes "welp, I'm old anyways" and externally he shrugs his mana-burned shoulders, sighs "okay" and keeps trying to banish.

Unfortunately the spirit almost eats him alive. EQ fails to open any more gates, so they make it out once he as but 2 life points left, run into the elevator and evade the fast approaching small army of Yakuza on the way out.

Elf_Queen jumps into his arms, Alberich holds her like one might hold a chihuahua, Baba Yaga is trying to gauge their time and speedrun's reporting back from outside.

In the end, it was bittersweet. Because while we did save Miss Jericho, the brainwashing still took hold. Her last 1 1/2 years of life wiped away, she asked for her ex-boyfriend as soon as she woke up.

End of Part 1, thank you for reading this very self-indulgent text!

#shadowrun #goblinization #troll #mage #shaman #decker #baba yaga #john wick #cyberpunk #ttrpg

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shuahoonie · 4 years

Text

you [tom holland] - eight.

PAIRING: tom holland x female!celebrity!reader

SUMMARY: ah, to be young and in love. it sounds great if only you and tom were actually dating out of pure love and not for the sheer reputation of your careers. it also should be great if you two actually got along, but life isn’t that easy.

WARNINGS: mostly swearing! some fluff here, some angst there. it’s haters to lovers / fake dating au so take that information as you wish! also, their relationship is improving yall 🤧

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

SONG INSPO: mxmtoon - used to you

A/N: surprise! I actually updated after five/six months??? a lot of things have happened during the time that I was gone. most of it revolved around my mental health and uni. not a great time to have a career crisis whilst living in the middle of a pandemic lmao.

the last time i updated, i gave you guys the gift of fluff. maybe i should tone down a bit? or maybe not? i’m also sorry if this took ages. had an awful writer’s block. oooh, also i wrote an interview excerpt for this chapter. i added a link if you wanted to read it but no pressure! it’s just a lil’ sumn sumn :) anyway, enjoy reading!

hope you guys are safe & healthy! keep practicing social distancing and please wear your masks! sending all my love ♡

UPDATES EVERY SATURDAY 11 PM CST WHENEVER I CAN

gif credits: @tommybabyholland

Your friends have told you countless times to bite the bullet, however, you’ve seemed to swallow it instead. Here you were, lying in the same bed with Tom Holland, mere inches against each other.

If anyone told you that you would be lying on the same bed as the guy you swore you hated a few months ago, you’d probably laugh at their face.

You were definitely considering that maybe this whole fake dating thing wasn’t such a horrid idea after all.

The room was dimmed to almost pitch black now. You could see a small streak of light peering from the curtains, probably from all of the street lights outside, allowing you to at least see something. You were exhausted but somehow you couldn’t sleep at the same time.

The only reasonable thing that you could put your blame into was your heart, which was beating quite rapidly, by the way. You didn’t even know why you felt this nervous around him, it’s not like he’s a complete stranger.

You’ve known Tom for a good two months—two and a half if you want to be specific. You picked up on his little quirks: his eyes crinkle when he laughs genuinely, he doesn’t like that much sugar in his tea. He likes his dog, Tessa, very much which you were already a goner for. He also hums when he’s happy which surprised you one day, not knowing what to do with that information.

You also found out that his hands were always cold, which always startles you as your hands were extremely warm. Like right now, you could feel his fingertips grazing upon yours. As if your heart can handle even more of your emotions right now.

You were confused as to why you were extremely nervous around him all of a sudden. Is it because this is the first time your sharing a bed with your pretend boyfriend? Is it because the last time you shared a bed with someone who you had no relation to is with your ex-boyfriend?

It was driving you insane and you really had to get it together. You were both lying on your backs so all you could stare at was the empty ceiling. You took a quick look at Tom, who was already sleeping.

Ah, so he snores. You made a mental note to yourself, wondering how you can use that information and pester him with it. He didn’t have loud snores, just soft ones but still loud for you to hear.

You turned your body and lain on your side, choosing to face Tom. He really looked peaceful sleeping and the sight of him be at peace was enough to calm you down.

With that, you found your eyes slowly start to droop down. The image of Tom sleeping soundly was the last thing you saw before you drifted off to sleep.

You noticed three things as soon as you woke up. You still had your eyes shut, only because you refuse to accept that it was already a new day.

The first thing you noticed was the annoying alarm tone that kept ringing on the bedside table. One of these days, I’ll end up throwing and smashing my phone.

The second thing was how hot warm you felt. You felt the heat radiating beside you and you weren’t exactly used to it. You like the feeling of sleeping in a cold room while also burying yourself with blankets.

The third thing you noticed was the pair of arms wrapped around you. As you slowly opened your eyes, you were greeted by the extremely close proximity that you shared with Tom.

You found yourself cuddling Tom. Your head was resting in between his chest and his arm—the same arm that was wrapped around you. In the meanwhile, Tom’s other hand was resting on the side of your face, building the illusion that he may have caressed the side of your face.

You, on the other hand, had your left arm resting on top of his chest while the other was tucked underneath the pillow.

You wondered how the hell you ended up in this position, but knowing how you move a lot in your sleep, you probably initiated this in the first place. You also wondered how Tom can sleep through this annoying alarm, especially since it kept ringing every ten minutes.

Tilting your head up a bit, your eyes met the sight of his lips. However, from this angle, you could also clearly see the freckles speckled on his face. With the beaming sun and its fight to fill the room with light against the corners of the curtains, it only made things worse for you. Tom, with his body outlined by the light, absolutely looked angelic—as if the universe only favoured him and him alone.

You slowly reached for his hand and removed it from the corner of your neck, carefully resting it on top of his stomach. After successfully doing so, comes the real challenge. You slowly released yourself from the grip of his arm and tried your best to get out of the bed without waking Tom up.

Your logic? It would be rude to wake someone up from their sleep—especially when they can’t be bothered to be woken up by the alarm anyway. You also wanted this moment for yourself. You thought that it was best if Tom had no recollection of waking up to you two cuddling, acting as a true couple when there are no cameras around you.

You walked to the bathroom to get yourself ready. You had a whole day of photoshoots and you also had to squeeze in a couple of interviews after. You didn’t want to miss your best friend’s wedding so you had to do whatever you can in order to balance your social life and work.

You already knew that you were going to be exhausted for today and you love your job, you really do, but sometimes you wished that you could catch a break without losing sleep for the next couple of days.

After taking a long hot shower and doing your essential skin routine—knowing that this is the only form of relaxation you’re going to get for the next couple of days— you slipped into a pair of mom jeans and a loose shirt. You packed this much because you knew you wouldn’t get the chance to drive home anyway.

Just as you stepped out of the bathroom, your phone buzzed in your hand and saw a text from your manager.

Zoë: On my way to the hotel! I will be there in 20 mins or so. Be sure that you’re ready so we can get going.

“Oh, you’re already good to go?” You looked up from your phone and saw Tom yawning and rubbing his eyes. He was still wearing your sweatpants and he was still shirtless.

You nodded. “Zoë’s picking me up.” You replied as you tidied the bed. It took you a couple of minutes before the words you said just sunk in. “Oh god, Zoë’s picking me up.” You repeated with wide eyes.

“Yeah?” Tom chuckled, seemingly lost as to what you were trying to point out.

“She doesn't really know that you slept with me.” You said but as soon as you realized what you just said, you knew you fucked up. You saw Tom smirking at you which only prompted you to hit him with the pillow. “I didn’t mean it like that, you weirdo.”

“Oh, sure.” He teased as he put on his shirt. “I mean I’m pretty sure that I’m not the one who practically clung to a person while sleeping.”

“Shut up, Holland. You know I move a lot when I sleep.” You muttered as a pathetic excuse to hopefully shut him up.

“To be quite fair, I didn’t know that you do that whenever you sleep, but it’s nice to know that now.” He grinned.

“Oh god,” You groaned. “Let’s just go so I can check out now. Zoë’s going to be here soon and I want you gone asap.” You said as you glanced around the room just so you know you didn’t leave anything behind.

“Wait, what about your sweatpants?”

“Just give it to me the next time you see me.” You said as you pulled him out of the room and made your way to the front desk.

It turns out Zoë had no concept of time. As soon as you finished checking out, you saw your manager already waiting in the lobby. Oh, you recognized her big blonde hair from anywhere. She was sitting in one of the plush sofas, dressed in a white romper and even had her cat-eye sunglasses on. She looked like she’s about to catch her husband having an affair.

“Ah, Y/N,” She said with a huge smile. “Thanks but you should know if that ever were to happen, I would pick something more flashy.”

Oh, I said that out loud?! You practically yelled at yourself.

“We should get going, honey, we’ll grab you some breakfast on the way.” Zoë fixed the stray strands of your hair. You couldn’t be bothered to do your hair knowing that the stylists are going to give it hell anyway, so you just tied it in a low ponytail.

“Um,” You didn’t even know how to say it. Where you even going to bring Tom up? If so, what were you going to say anyway? That you spent a night with your pretend boyfriend? Which shouldn’t be a huge deal but you were sure that your stunt doesn’t involve actually falling for each other.

“Tom,” Zoë’s pitch went a bit higher, surprised to see Tom standing behind you. “What’re you doing here, hon?” She asked quietly.

“Oh, I-”

“He spent the night with me. Tom was exhausted and it wasn’t safe for him to drive last night, so I asked him to stay.” You explained, cutting Tom off. You just wanted to get it over with and you were bound to face the storm sooner or later anyway.

Zoë stared at the two of you for a moment, an undistinguishable look painted all over her face. You took a quick look at Tom who was also observing your manager’s reaction.

However, she chose to drop it. “Alright, c’mon, honey. You have a long day today.” Your manager said after she flashed Tom a smile and turned around, leaving you both relieved.

As you watched your manager leave and walk towards her vehicle, you turned to Tom and said, “I guess I’ll see you soon?”

Tom smiled and nodded, “I’ll see you soon, my darling.” He said softly.

You felt your cheeks start to burn again so you did what you always do whenever you don’t know how to respond or when you’re just plain embarrassed—walk away and practically scream inside your head.

You were walking—sprinting, more like— towards the vehicle and when you got in, you were greeted with a big smile by Zoë. It terrified you.

“Y/N, hon,” She initiated with a soft voice. “You know sooner or later this stunt will all come to an end right?”

“Yeah, I know.” You answered, slightly confused as to why this was brought up all of a sudden.

“Okay, good, good...” Zoë trailed off. “I just—I see how things may escalate and I don’t want to see you hurt, Y/N.”

“Yeah, I know.” You acknowledged, though this time you said it in a whisper. It was day 78 that you came clean to yourself and realized maybe you were developing a tiny crush on Tom.

The people from the magazine were doing a feature story on you. Not only that you were going to be on the cover of the magazine, but you were also going to get a ten-page spread that included an interview. The whole theme of the issue was individuality so your spread had to be rooted from your style, so the outfits, the makeup, and hair had to base off of you as a concept while still adding an editorial element to it.

You were already wearing the third outfit, wearing a pink frilly floral dress and it had hand-stitched and delicately placed flowers for the details—in which the outfit was inspired by your character in your tv series.

You were waiting for your hair and makeup to be done at the same time. The set was going to be in a pool so you also had to have your manicure and pedicure done. Basically, you had no control over your body.

“How are you doing, hon?” Zoë asked as she passed by your chair.

“’m still okay,” You mumbled. “Can I take a sip from my coffee though?”

Maria’s, the nail tech for this shoot, eyes went wide. “Your nails aren’t dry yet,” She pointed out.

“Please, Maria?” You pouted. You were literally about to pass out from exhaustion and you still had a full day ahead.

Maria rolled her eyes and gave in. “Fine, I’ll hold the cup.” She said before she grabbed your coffee from your manager.

As you happily indulged the coffee, you heard Ruby, the makeup artist, let out a sigh behind you.“Y/N, I just did your makeup.”

“Nothing bad happened! I just need to reapply the lipstick, it’s okay.” You quickly defended.

“Child, you are going to be the death of me,” Ruby mumbled loud enough for the two of you. “You’re lucky I like you because if my other clients did this I would’ve grabbed their coffee and then they would’ve gone full diva on me.”

You just gave her a huge smile before she reapplied your lipstick. The hairstylist just finished doing your hair, pinning tiny flowers all over your hair and having them scattered all over. You couldn’t believe that you had flowers all over your hair again—which only reminded you of Tom and what happened last night.

Last night felt so surreal. It was the first time you two didn’t have knives on each other’s necks. It was the first time you felt comfortable around him and the experience was very intimate, it almost drove you mad.

However, your manager’s words echoed back at you. It’s all a stunt and it will come to an end.

“Are you ready, Y/N?” The photographer asked, breaking up your thoughts. Am I?

From pink frilly dresses to big tan sherpa coats, you were finally done with the photo shoot. The shoot went on for hours and all you wanted to do was to get rid of everything that your skin and hair had to endure. However, it doesn’t end there. You still had to do a short interview for the magazine.

You were still wearing one of the outfits you had for the shoot—a black tube-top jumpsuit that clung into your body like second skin, along with tall pencil-heeled black pumps. This was definitely far from comfortable nor is it something that you’d wear, but you did like how it looked on you. “I look like the cold-hearted editor-in-chief in a magazine from a Hallmark movie” was all you said when you looked in the mirror.

You had to excuse yourself from the young journalist who patiently waited for you as your photoshoot ran a bit late. She was drinking the coffee that you had given her—a small token of an apology for the time she probably wasted waiting.

She gladly understood and went on with the interview. You were glad to do so anyway since you’re embarrassed for making her wait. You were asked about Amelia, the character that you play in the show Alchemist.

As Y/N eased into the interview, still wearing one of her outfits from the photoshoot, she was asked about her resonation with her character. “I see only tiny bits of myself as her—that being hard-headed and using self-deprecating jokes as a coping mechanism,” she answered with a small laugh.

You were also asked about your personal struggle between dropping out of school—potentially ruining your future— and your unstable acting career.

She thought she possibly made a huge mistake of ruining her future. Luckily, Y/N received a casting call for the show Alchemist. “I still believe it’s pure luck. I’m lucky that I got the part and the show helped me shape my career, however, I can’t deny that I was really close to giving up.”

Of course, the current state of your love life had to be included.

“Yeah, I am seeing someone.” Y/N admits with a soft smile. “People know who he is and frankly, I don’t think I have to explicitly say his name as who I date shouldn’t be anyone’s business.” Her cheeks were flushed red as soon as the words came out of her mouth. Y/N was kind enough to explain that she didn’t mean it to sound so harsh, but she still stands firm with her words.

You quickly and kindly expressed to the journalist that you mean well. You had no intention of being rude or for it to sound rude, but you still hold true to your words. The journalist was kind enough to understand your sentiments regarding this.

The interview ended in a breeze and you were absolutely longing for the time when you can take a nice long bath. You quickly thanked the journalist as she bid her way goodbye.

You can only hope that this cover issue finds you well.

Time went by slowly and yet very quickly at the same time. You haven’t seen any of your friends for a couple of weeks as you’ve been occupied by filming, doing interviews, and photoshoots.

You haven’t seen Tom in quite a while too—which you didn’t mind. You actually used this time to reevaluate your uncertain feelings for him. People at set didn’t seem to notice that he rarely showed up at your shoots—at least if they did, they would just assume that he’s busy since he did have an endless list of projects.

As you were still uncertain about where your feelings lie with Tom, you chose this time to at least try and forget about him. Admittedly, it was difficult since people would always bring him up at some point or he would just be everywhere on social media.

This time apart from Tom did give you a sense of peace. You weren’t in the constant state of practically having a heart attack around him, no matter how cliché it sounds. You hated that he had this effect on you but you had to act like everything’s fine—hoping that you’re doing a damn well job because acting is how you put food on the table.

However, just like the opening lyrics of One Direction’s most gut-wrenching song, Love You Goodbye, mentioned: “It’s inevitable, everything that’s good comes to an end.”

And boy, did it end alright.

Ronnie: pls tell me it’s actually ur day off bc I really plan on having dinner with u. 🥺

You were about to have a long, relaxing bath (infused with epsom salts of course) when you read the text from your best friend. You were longing for this heaven-like bath and there’s no way you’re going to pass it up.

You: technically yes. the shoot ran till morning but all i’ve done since then was sleep. I'm about to take a bath tho & not planning to get out until i turn into a human prune lmao

Ronnie: ok! I'll buy us dinner, any suggestions?

You: really craving for some hearty Korean food rn 🤧

Ronnie: gotcha! I'll get u ur usual, do u want me to buy drinks too?

You were still debating whether to go drinking tonight when your phone pinged, indicating a text.

Ronnie: babes you’re taking too long. I'm getting us drinks.

You: guess there’s no way out then lmao

Ronnie: oh u bet. I'll be there in an hour-ish, maybe earlier.

You: might still be in the bath when u arrive. 😬

Ronnie: nah you’re ok haha. I have keys anyway and I'll make myself at home but u already knew that. 😌

You rolled your eyes but still had a smile on your face. You eventually gave Veronica some duplicates as she was constantly popping by anyway. It didn’t make sense for both of you to keep Ronnie out, waiting for you to come home when you could easily just give her some keys. At some point, you even asked her to move in. She is dancing around the idea though.

Turning your phone off, you stepped into your epsom-salt-bubble bath—ready to shut off from the world and embrace the relaxation.

After strategically propping your laptop at the bathroom counter, you’ve managed to finish two episodes of New Girl whilst you were in the tub. You could’ve used the bathtub tray that Olivia got you for your birthday, but you couldn’t trust yourself with that type of risk—no matter how careful you were.

It wasn’t long when you heard a small commotion coming from the living room. You had your eyebrows furrowed, surely it was just Ronnie who’s dropping by today. Unless she invited Olivia too?

Stepping out of the tub, you wrapped a towel around your body. You shut off your laptop and grabbed your phone before you left the bathroom.

“Ronnie?” You called out above the chatter from the living room. “Ronnie, is that you?”

“Yeah, right here, babes!” You heard her yell back. Upon reaching the living room, you saw Ronnie setting the food down on the table with Harrison putting the drinks down. “Oh, hey! I got us bibimbap and tteokbokki from Kim’s Kitchen. I also asked for extra kimchi because that is to die for.” Veronica exclaimed with a huge smile. “Oh and Mrs. Kim says hi.”

You forced a huge smile in response, turning to your best friend and subtly motioning at Harrison who was standing beside her.

“Oh! oh! Y/N, I hope you don’t mind that I invited them. They called me the same time as I texted you and I figured you wouldn’t mind because we’re all friends here, right?” Veronica smiled nervously.

“A head’s up would’ve been nice, because...” You motioned to yourself, pointing out that you were still in your towel. “I mean it is my home and I should dress however I want but obviously you got your boyfriend here. The least I could do is look presentable.”

Harrison turned red and so did Veronica. “Y/N, Harrison is not my boy—”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’ll go get changed.” You rolled your eyes and dismissed the entire thing. What can you do, kick them out? Wait—

“Wait, did you say “them” earlier? Is anyone else coming?” You asked.

“Uh...” Veronica was looking for the right words to say until her eyes met someone else’s and looked right past you.

You turned around and saw Tom standing in the middle of the room, holding plates and cutlery from your kitchen. Pinching the bridge of your nose to prevent the emerging migraine you’re about to endure and closed your eyes, you took a deep breath.

“Uh—Hi, Y/N” Tom waved shyly. That’s all it took. All of those repressed feelings that you were trying to fight off were coming back. With your heart beating furiously, you knew you were a goner and you hated that.

“Hi Tom,” you muttered. You two haven’t spoken to each other in a while since the morning after the wedding. God, this is awkward.

You caught his eyes flickered to your body and put his head down, walking towards Harrison and Veronica, avoiding eye contact. You realized you were still in your towel, turning red. “Uh, I’ll go get changed.” You muttered, practically running towards your room to change.

You were changing into an oversized shirt and into some leggings when you heard a knock from the door. “I’m decent!” You yelled.

The door slowly opened, Tom peering from the other side.

“Oh, hey.” You greeted him as he slowly went inside your room. He was looking around, observing your room. Your bedroom wasn’t special but it’s your favourite place. The walls were painted white—which is why when the sun beams through your windows, it bounces off through the walls and illuminates your entire room. Your room consisted of white furniture and bedding, but you made up for it by putting numerous plants all over your room and using earthy tones such as blankets and decorative pillows as accents.

“Hey,” Tom stepped a bit closer “Sorry about earlier. If I knew you’d feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have come.” He apologized.

“No, you’re good. I guess I was just caught by surprise.” You quickly dismissed.

There was an odd silence. Is this what happens when you don’t talk for quite a while?

“Oh, I also wanted to give you this,” Tom said, handing you the sweatpants that he borrowed a while ago. The cursed night that brought you closer to each other, literally. Grabbing the neatly folded pants, your fingers gently grazed upon his—the first time you had physical contact ever since that night. “Don’t worry, I washed it.” He added.

“Eh, I think I’ll wash it again just to make sure.” You joked, trying to diffuse the awkwardness.

Tom let out a small laugh, scratching the back of his head. “I’m sorry.” You heard him say as you put your hair into a loose ponytail.

“For what?” You asked, brows furrowed.

“I wasn’t exactly the finest “boyfriend” in the world.” He explained, putting air quotes on the word ‘boyfriend’. “I’d say I was busy but I should’ve made time.”

You gave him a small smile. “It’s okay, Tom.” You turned around to place the pants inside the drawer. “It’s not like you’re my actual boyfriend anyway.” You laughed awkwardly.

For some reason, that last sentence left an unpleasant feeling on you. Why are you longing for Tom anyway? Are you that deprived?

Tom let out an awkward chuckle and mumbled a quiet “yeah,”

There it is again. That awkward silence. Will this last for the entire night because this is going to be exhausting?

All of a sudden, Tom looked at you with a smile. “Why are we being weird?” Tom asked, laughing.

“Yeah, I don’t even know either,” You couldn't help but laugh as well. “I’m definitely not used to you being this quiet.”

“Are you saying that you missed it then?” He asked with a smirk. “Better yet are you saying that you missed me?”

You rolled your eyes. There’s the Tom that you knew. “I wouldn’t go that far, Tom.” You replied, fighting off a smile.

“’m just teasing, darling,” He laughed softly. “So, should we just forget everything and just be friends?” He asked, offering his hand.

You were about to reply when you heard a loud knock from the other side of the door. “Oi, are you two making out in there?” You heard Veronica yell obnoxiously from the other side.

“Veronica!” You shrieked out of pure embarrassment. You felt your face turning red, as if like you’re a preteen caught with her crush.

You pulled the door open and dragged Tom outside out of pure embarrassment, only to meet Veronica and Harrison who were leisurely sitting by the couch, trying to fight off their smirks.

“Food’s getting cold,” Harrison said innocently as you glared at the both of them.

“I see that you two are getting close,” Veronica commented eyeing both of your hands that were still clasped.

“I—uh,” You’re at a loss for words. You forgot the calm feeling of how Tom’s hands felt against yours.

You were about to let go when Tom raised both of your hands to show Haz and Ronnie. “I like holding her hand, it’s always so warm,” Tom commented with a soft smile. “One of the perks of fake dating, Y/N.”

Veronica took a good look at you while you were busy staring at Tom. Ronnie knows that stare of yours and if she’s being honest, she doesn’t know whether to feel happy or anxious for you.

“Yeah, that is until your hands get damp.” You teased, rolling your eyes. “Let’s just eat.” You said as you grabbed a cushion and sat on the floor.

“Okay, so what are we having?” Tom asked as he stared at the table full of Korean dishes.

“Well, I ordered each of us a bowl of bibimbap because I have no clue what you two like to eat” Ronnie said, pertaining to Tom and Harrison. She handed them each a bowl. “They’re all beef, by the way—oh except for Y/N’s, she has chicken.”

“Have you had bibimbap before?” You asked Tom who was behind you, sitting on the couch.

He shook his head in response, grabbing a cushion and opted to sit on the floor, right next to you. “I’ve had Korean BBQ before, does that count?”

“Not quite,” You laughed. “Here, I’ll add some chilli paste.”

“Darling, don’t add too much—” Tom argued while trying to grab the chilli paste from your hands. He ended just holding onto your hand instead.

“C’mon, it’s better when it’s spicy!” You defended, trying to squeeze more into his bowl.

“Are you sure you’re not adding that much because you hate me?” You could feel the close proximity of his face against yours.

“Oh, please,” You turned to face him “I could never hate you, Tommy.” You blinking innocently, trying to hide the fact that he’s literally inches away from you.

While you and Tom are practically exploring this whole new territory of closeness, Veronica was quietly watching it unfold in front of her eyes.

“They seem to be getting along quite well,” Harrison commented before shoving a spoon into his mouth.

“Yeah, maybe too well.” Veronica murmured, still staring at the couple in front of her.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Haz asked with a raised eyebrow. Curious.

Veronica couldn’t answer. Is it really a bad thing or was she just being overprotective? She should be happy for her friend! Heck, she should be happy that you and Tom were finally getting along for once.

Veronica chose to just look past it and accept the situation for what it is for now: a miracle.

“I guess not,” Veronica answered, smiling softly at Harrison who gladly smiled in return.

“Dinner was spectacular,” Tom commented with a smile “Well done, Ronnie.”

“Oh—psh!” Ronnie waved her hand nonchalantly, “That was nothing.”

“Yeah, because Mrs. Kim prepared all of it” You argued jokingly. “Besides, I suggested that we should have Korean cuisine tonight.”

“Then I guess I should thank you, Y/N,” Tom grabbed the sides of your face and squished your cheeks. “Thanks, darling.” He grinned.

You scrunched your face and took his hand away. “You’re annoying,” You told Tom while gathering the plates, starting to clear the table.

“I’ll get that, Y/N,” Harrison said while grabbing the plates from you. “I’ll do the dishes, you lot just stay put here.”

“Ooh, I’ll help!” Veronica stood up to help Harrison.

“No, it’s fine. Just stay there, Ronnie. It’s okay.” Harrison replied, his tone of voice suddenly warm towards Veronica.

“You’re so sweet,” Veronica said in awe. “But that won’t work for me, babe. I’ll help you, it’s totally okay.” She insisted, clearing the rest of the table and following Harrison towards the kitchen.

You were about to head into the spare bedroom when you felt Tom wrap his hands around yours. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“I’m just going to grab something,” You replied, “Even if I try to get away from you, I couldn’t. Trust me.” You teased.

Tom nodded understandably, letting go of your hand.

As you were on your way to the spare room, you couldn’t help but mumble “Why’s he being so clingy all of a sudden? Is this what he’s like to his friends?” You chose to shake off your thoughts against your better judgment.

“What’s that?” Tom asked as soon as you entered the living room.

“A bean bag chair,” You answered, dropping it in front of him. “So you can stop hogging my place on the sofa.”

“Aw, you got a bean bag chair just for me?” He asked with a huge grin on his face.

You rolled your eyes, “I didn’t buy it just for you, dumb ass.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N.” He grinned. “Whatever you say.” Tom then sat on the bean bag chair, except he sat at the very upper part of it and tried to keep his balance whilst doing so.

This is the most boyish thing you’ve seen Tom do—no fancy clothing, no assistants around him, no cameras, none of it. He looked like an average guy, doing silly and harmless things, who’s just trying to have fun.

With that in mind, you couldn’t help but pull your phone out and film him doing so. Eventually, he caught on and saw that you had your phone out, giving a smile.

Laughing, you said, “That’s not how you sit on it!”

“I’ll sit on it however I want,” He teased. You quit filming and decided to upload the clip on your Instagram story. It was cute, pure, and authentic. Three words that you swore you wouldn’t use when pertaining to you and Tom.

This fake dating thing is getting harder and harder. Seeing that you and Tom finally decided to act friendly around each other, it’s definitely going to provoke the feelings you were trying to suppress from him.

“Okay, so I got bottles of soju.” Veronica announced while wiping her hands with the kitchen towel. “Anyone up for a Paranoia drinking game?” She asked with a smirk.

“Why must we play a game while drinking?” You asked, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“I think it’ll be fun, Y/N.” Tom commented. “This is the right moment to build a tight bond with each other.”

“Yeah, because nothing says bonding like alcohol and using repressed feelings.” You mumbled.

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limi-pie · 4 years

Text

The taste of Red Wine part 5

A/N: Hey everyone long time no see, happy new years! (very late I knooow!) Anyways it’s been quite a while since the I last posted a chapter of TTORW (the taste of red wine). The reason being why is: I’ve been procrastinating so much and had been lazy. Also, I kept changing the plot in chapter 5, because I didn’t like the way I wrote and it was kinda boring (you feel me?). But also I have been busy with my personal life and had been working a lot at my job. But it is finally time to post this chapter.

Any who here’s chapter 5, I’ve used a lot on time writing this.

The previous chapter is here. So I hope you all will enjoy it!

Genre: Mafia AU, Teacher! Female Reader, Mafia leader! Yoongi.

Warnings: Violence, bad language, angst, blood, gun shots, wounds, cursing, mentions of smoking, alcohol, flirting, slight hint of Yoongi being jealous and possessive? (Bruh. I don’t how this works, let me know if I should add more)

Summary: You’re starting to get the hang of doing Mafia business, somehow you feel like your ordinary teacher life will start to clash with your adventurous Mafia assistant life upon meeting this new colleague. How will Y/N handle that?

Last edited: On the 11th of August 2022 due to some minor phrases and word changes.

Wordcount: 9,459

The next morning I woke up to the shimmering sunlight from my window. I yawned loudly as I stood up and gazed down at the crowded city. It was Wednesday the 6th of May, at 7:00 AM.

Today sure is chilly, I guess it’ll rain today. I'll make sure to bring an umbrella.

I went into the living room as I let out a small giggle. He looks so cute sleeping there quietly and peacefully. I sat on my knees as I cuddled his nose, poor thing. His nose was icy cold like a snowball, I tried to pull back. “Five more minutes… You’re so warm…” It sounded from a sleepy Yoongi’s raspy morning voice as he wrapped an arm around my back burying his head onto me. “Alright, but only five minutes.” I patted his messy blonde hair and admired his pale face for a moment, naturally my hand cupped his cheek.

I knew he was nothing but danger. But I couldn’t help… but think all he ever wanted was to be: loved, heard, and understood by someone.

Yoongi groaned as he finally opened his eyes and sat up. “Good morning Y/N.” But I was still deep in my thoughts when I suddenly woke up. “Good morning, Sir Min Suga,” I said as I removed my hand and rubbed my arm awkwardly. “Heh, it’s okay you can call me Yoongi when my members aren’t around. You know that right?” He sat up as he looked me up and down before looking away shyly. I guess my silk dress is too short, he’s such a dork. “Are you hungry? Should I make us some breakfast?” He nodded as he got up to use the bathroom and I went to the kitchen as I wore my apron. Then I turned on the gas stove as I grabbed a pan and grabbed some eggs. I cracked them into a bowl and whisked vigorously, afterward I chopped some vegetables then I mixed them with the egg mixture. Afterward, I washed the rice and turned the rice cooker on, whilst it was cooking I sliced some tofu and soaked it in soy sauce. I placed the vegetable omelets on a plate, then Yoongi came out shirtless with a white towel around his neck.

“Breakfast’s almost done–” I dropped my wooden spatula as I saw his fine features up close. “Do you like what you’re seeing, Y/N?” He cooed as he pinned his arm on the refrigerator and I got flustered as he took advantage of this whole situation.

My back meeting the refrigerator as I tried to look away but he lifted my chin, making my eyes only focus on him. “Yoongi…–” He cupped my face and pulled me into a deep long kiss. I hesitated a bit but finally brought myself to hold onto his chest. Our lips parted after a couple of seconds. “Mmm, you’re a surprisingly good kisser, Y/N.” Yoongi put on a smug smile on his face, before running his thumb over my bottom lip, and all I could do was watch him embarrassedly.

“P-put on a goddamn shirt! You can’t walk around like that around a woman you know!” I yelled as I plated some radish Kimchi. He chuckled as he picked up his clothes and wore them. I handed him a bowl filled with warm rice topped with some red and black beans. “Thanks, it smells amazing.” We ate as Yoongi asked for seconds and I smiled. “So what time do you head to your workplace?” I tilted my head as I scoffed. “I’m off today, I have some courses to attend in Busan. Why?” His tongue clicked as he checked his phone before finally speaking. “Well, I’m meeting with Jaebeom around 1:00 PM, meanwhile I think I should help you with the hacking program Jungkook sent you.” I gasped as I laughed. “Oh! Yeah, I almost forgot about that.” I said as I went to my bedroom. “Just stay there, I’ll get my laptop.” Yoongi walked around as his eyes scanned the living room, he noticed a closed door. Curiosity killed his mind as he opened the door and went inside to explore. “So this is the bastard’s bedroom.” The bed was a mess, alcohol and food stains were visible on the carpet floor. But what caught his attention was the dusted shelf with some photos of Y/N and Daniel.

A letter with pink hearts saying: “Thank you for loving and being with me. Happy 3rd anniversary, love you lots. - Yours truly Y/N M. Lee”

“Yoongi, what are you doing in here? You can’t just enter Daniel’s room like that…” I saw him hold the framed photo of me and Daniel when he finally turned around. “Why isn’t he here? Your so-called boyfriend?” His left fist clenched and I sighed, facepalming as I pulled his hand. We left the room.

“Look. I told you he’s staying at his friend’s place for a while. It’s pretty normal for couples to have fights and arguments.” I held my laptop close to my chest trying to comfort my pathetic excuse, “I mean that’s when you know a relationship is strong…” Yoongi was quiet and didn’t respond. I bet what I just said must’ve upset him. “Never mind. Guess you’re just like every other naive woman. Come on, let’s just focus on the hacking program.” He said as he sat down on the couch, it took me a couple of minutes before placing the laptop on the table and turning my back to him.

“…Other naive women? Tch, thanks Suga.” I stood there crossing my arms before slamming my hands on the table. Feeling myself get fierce and as that word struck a nerve in me. “Why don’t you hire some other placeholder as your stupid replacement for Jeon Jungkook?! Like that girl Candy, Huh?!” This was the second time I’ve raised my voice at Yoongi and potentially threatened him. A couple of seconds went by and only silence was present in the room.

“I should just go, you know. Ask Jungkook to help you out, whatever you do. I don’t give a fucking damn.” He stood up fixing his tie before walking for the door. “Yoongi… W-wait I didn’t mean–” He turned around and glared. “Whatever it is, it’s not important. I’ve some business to take care of and I don’t have any time for your unnecessary drama.” Yoongi said as he walked out and closed the door behind him. I felt myself fall to my knees and cover my face. “Why am I so fucking stupid? Nngh… Stupid, stupid, stupid…” I began whimpering and sobbing, I once again let my emotions get the best of me. After 30 minutes of spacing out and feeling the guilt, I got up to check on my phone. I had 3 unread messages from the mysterious number I’ve never seen.

01 09 19 97:

“Hello Lee Y/N Noona”

“How’s the hacking program running any problems or technical issues? Just tell me and I’ll help you right away, boss said something important came up.”

“By the way this is Jungkook.”

I smiled a bit seeing his cute and polite texts. “Thanks, Jungkook. It means a lot, sure thing let me just check it through.” I opened my laptop and ran the program as I checked the settings.

“I’ll make sure to write back to you and keep you updated if anything goes wrong.” I sighed before seeing all the green digits and different files named ‘tutorials’. I clicked around for 40 minutes as I decided to call Jungkook.

“Hello? Hi~ Jeon Jungkook, am I bothering you? No, I’m sorry, it’s just. I think I’ve got the hang of it and such. And I was thinking, no I was wondering if we could meet up at a cafe and test it out? Really? You’ll come to pick me up? Thank you so much!” I brightened up a little by talking with Jungkook, though he’s the youngest. He seems like the kindest and good guy among the Bangtan Gang. The clock showed 12:05 PM on my watch as I waited for him near the Gangnam station, holding my red umbrella as it was raining. I checked my hair and face one more time, reassuring that I didn’t have something on it.

A silver KIA car pulled up as Jungkook lowered the window and smiled. “Good afternoon, Noona. How are you?” I couldn’t help but smile back, though his arm was injured he drove all the way here to pick me up. “I’m good Jungkook, how are you? You shouldn’t have driven if your arm’s still injured. I feel terrible for making you do this.” He chuckled as he rubbed the steering wheel, looking confident. “I’m alright Noona, really. If I can play Overwatch then driving you to the “City Hall” Station shouldn’t be much of a problem.” I scoffed before ruffling his hair and giggling. He smiled when suddenly his eyes looked down on my lips and then up to my eyes. He got shy as he looked away blushing slightly. “Silly guy, there’s no way I’d let you drive, the other members would be so worried. Now move over, Noona knows a shortcut.” He agreed as he moved over to sit in the passenger seat. After driving for a bit, I parked the car as we headed inside a coffee shop.

“So if I want to reach “Yeonsan” Station in Busan… I’ll have to take Line 1 all the way to “City Hall” Station. From there switch to Line 1 heading towards Nopo and that should be just one long stop.” I explained to myself as I walked with Jungkook, he chuckled. “Noona you sure are weird, but still very smart.” He said, rubbing his ear as he entered the coffee shop. “What really? Well, it’s just that I’ve to be somewhere in an hour that’s why. Anyways what would you like to order? I’ll treat us to something delicious.” His eyes widened as he shook his head politely.

“No, no. Noona I can’t let you pay, not after all the work you’re doing for us–” I smiled as I declined, sitting down near the glass window. “No, really it’s fine, Jungkook. I mean it, after all, you drove all the way here with that injured arm. This is the least I can do, you know.” My dimples were showing from smiling so much at Jungkook. Looking at him, he’s as cute and kinda resembles an innocent bunny. I have a hard time believing he’s the hitman of the Bangtan Gang…

“Umm Noona, I'd like to order a cup of café latte. Pretty please.” He bowed his head before chucking a bit and showing me a soft smile. “Sure I’ll get you that. I’ll be right back.” I got up walking to the line as I waited patiently for my turn to order. “Hi, I’m Johnny and what can I do for you, Ms.?” I nodded as I pointed to the menu cart on the board. “Yes, I’d like to order one hot Café Latte and one Iced Caramel Macchiato, thank you.” I paid as I got our drinks and made my way to Jungkook. When my eyes caught the attention of a handsome young man, he looked much like Prince Eric from ‘The Little Mermaid’. His soft dark brown hair, the white shirt he was wearing. And those pretty brown eyes were gazing into mine. He flashed me a soft smile as I looked away, realizing I was staring for a long time. “Noona, is everything alright? You stood there and just stared at the air…” I sat down as I shook my head a little.

“Yeah, yeah. I just… spaced out a bit. Sorry, you had to wait a bit too long. But here’s your drink, one warm Café Latte and one Iced Caramel Macchiato for me, hehe.” I took a little sip of mine as I giggled. “Wow Noona, thanks so much! This tastes really great, I guess coffee in Busan is tastier than Seoul.” We both laughed as he took out a tablet. “Alright, I know you probably got the hang of it. But let me show you how it works. Look at the electric menu board with all the beverages.” I looked closely as Jungkook tapped on his tablet before one of the beverages changed into ‘Banana Milk’. “W-Woah! That’s so cool, how did you do that?!” He smirked as he showed me the same program as my laptop running on his tablet.

“You see, Noona, I’m not only a great hacker. I’m also an excellent programmer.” He winked and smirked as he showed me his phone running the same program too. “Wow. You’re really amazing, Jeon Jungkook!” He laughed before typing some stuff and pressing a few buttons. “Wait for it and there!” He hacked one of the security cameras monitoring us. “Omg Jungkook you’re so cool! Now quit it or we’ll get kicked out!” I giggled as he returned everything back to normal, we both laughed. Some time had passed as I learned a few more things about hacking and altering digits. “Anyways, I think Boss would like you to join the meeting with the GOT7 Gang.”

Jungkook mentioned, packing his laptop into his backpack as he checked the time. I thought back to the fight that we had earlier this morning as I felt guilty. “No. I don’t think Suga needs me to be there for that meeting. Last time with the GOT7. Things didn’t really go well last time and I’m probably a nuisance anyways–” I was blabbering when he interrupted me with an obvious question. “Could it be, did you and Hyung fight or argue today?” My eyes went from staring at the ground to look up at Jungkook once before nodding.

“Yeah, we kinda did. And it’s all because of me. I’m the one at fault. I think he hates me now, once again Y/N’s a huge idiot…” Jungkook patted my hair as he smiled brightly. “Don’t worry about it, Noona. I know Boss Suga can be cold and direct, I’m sure he doesn’t feel that way about you. You’re not an idiot.” His words made me feel a little less guilty as I walked down the street for my train. “Jeon Jungkook, thank you. It means a lot and thanks for teaching me once again.” I bowed my head, showing my gratitude as he chuckled.

“No need to thank me. After all, Noona you treated me to coffee. So I guess that makes us even?” I nodded as I waved while smiling. “Drive safe, I’ll see you around.” I headed down the subway. I was checking how many minutes until Line 1 would arrive. It was just 3 minutes and I checked my phone to see the time. I entered it as I listened to “Some” by BOL4. The long ride was over as I finally reached “Yeonsan Station”. I recognized the building as I headed inside. I had to check-in at the reception, I saw a lady with the name tag 'Im Na Yeon’. I approached her desk as I greeted her.

“Hello, Miss how may I help you?” I smiled, bowing my head. “Yes could you kindly help me, find this?” I asked, taking out my ID and the meeting information. “Just need to find the place for English courses and here’s the information.” Nayeon smiled as she looked at her computer screen. “Yes Ms. Meílíng, it’s on the 13th floor, down the blue hall and it’s room 93. You can take the elevator over there.” She explained pointing as I bowed again, making my leave. “Thank you so much, have a great day Miss,” I said as I walked to the elevator as it closed and I noticed the familiar man. Whom I encountered at Starbucks earlier with Jungkook. The elevator opened again as I bowed my head, walking inside.

“Thank you, Sir.” Our eyes locked as I looked away when he cleared his throat. “You must be Lee Meílíng Y/N. The one who teaches ‘Korean, English literature and culture’, I’ve heard your students scored the highest scores on last year’s English exams.” I looked at him swiftly as I pursed my lips.

“How… How did you know that? And how come you know my name as well?” He tilted his head, smiling gently as he leaned in our eyes once again locked. “Name’s Wong Kunhang, but I go by Mr. Wong. I’m going to be your new colleague at National Seoul University.” I looked up as he held his hand out once the elevator opened. I blinked a few times catching a good glimpse of his fine eyes as I shook his hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wong. I look forward to working with you.” I smiled bowing as I was shaking his hand calmly. “It’s a pleasure finally meeting you, Ms. Meílíng Y/N.” We both walked down the blue hall, my heels clicking. As it seemed like, we were heading for the same location. I stood in front of the door with the number ‘93’ sign near it when I noticed him waiting for me to enter. I felt like something or someone was watching me, I looked behind me once more before entering. I sat down as the professor started to talk as I wrote down some notes from her PowerPoint.

Meanwhile at the Bangtan mansion… “Wait, where’s Ms. Y/N? Is she upstairs?” A curious Jackson Wang asked as he looked around. “No, sorry. Mr. Wang, she happened to have something else to attend to.” Jungkook explained as he sat down and Jaebeom stared at Jackson. “Anyways, back to what I was saying, Mr. Min Suga. Er-hmm the information I’ve gathered about the Blood Vessel Gang is inside this file. Jinyoung, please hand it over. Jinyoung nodded as he took a folder out of his jacket. “Here it is, Mr. Min. I hope you find it useful.” Yoongi took it as he looked at it before analyzing all the information.

“Thanks. It may not be a lot, but so far it’s useful. So Jayden, Seungri, Josh, and Max. I still got Jayden locked down in the basement, so far he’s giving up a bit of information, slowly.” He drank a shot of Soju, looking around the GOT7 members. “Maybe we could use some backup with two or three of your members, Mr. Jaebeom. I think tracking Josh and Max is the key to locate Seungri.” Taehyung suggested, as he was drinking some Sake and looked at the map with their hideouts. “If you need that, I’m willing to lend you some help. However, it’s not going to be without a deal first. It’ll cost you quite, some cash.” Jaebeom said, looking up as he drank some white wine. “By the way, Mr. Min. Aren’t you usually 4 men in your gang? Where’s Mr. Park Jimin?” Jackson asked, looking around as he had a serious look on Yoongi. “He’s out for an important task, I had asked him to take care of it. Why, does it concern you, Mr. Wang?” He scoffed, staring as his tongue clicked.

I know, not everyone is aware that Lee M. Y/N is working with the Bangtan Gang. But for her safety and ours, I’m counting on Jimin to spy on her and look out for her. In case, the Blood Vessel Gang or other Gangs might be onto something. I can’t afford to lose her.

“Well, it was just unusual Mr. Min. Anyway, I think I’ll be able to lend a hand in finding those guys. Besides I’m great in combat and speed, so you can count on me. Maybe Y/N would be on Team Wang. If she saw these guns, cause whoo!~” Jackson said as he had a smug look flexing his biceps and muscles. “Jungkook what took you so long? You said you went to drive for a bit. Did something happen?” Taehyung asked as he whispered. “I was in a cafe with Y/N, she needed help with hacking and she treated me to some coffee.” He chuckled happily as he was blushing a bit as Yoongi squinted his eyes in confusion.

“You were on a date with Y/N?!?” Taehyung yelled as he was clearly jealous, and it caught the attention of the rest of the GOT7 Gang. “Date? No way, so Y/N’s into younger guys and her type is gamer guys?!” Jackson asked in disappointment as he crossed his arms. Yoongi clenched his fist a bit as he drank a whole bottle of Soju. “It-It wasn’t a date! She said it was more of her way of saying thanks for helping her with things and such.” About 90 minutes had passed as they got up and had made a deal. “So Jackson, Yugyeom, and Jinyoung are going to help you. In exchange for some money and weapons, Bangtan.” Yoongi nodded, shaking Jaebeom’s hand and agreeing to the deal. “I’ll send some more details and information about the NCT Gang from my computer to you, Jungkook,” Yugyeom said as he headed out along with the rest of the gang.

“Boss, are you okay? You seem quite furious or rather frustrated about something.” Taehyung asked as he looked at the empty cans of Soju around Yoongi, that he had drunk. “Why do you ask? Mind your own business.” He waddled to the bathroom as he groaned. Jungkook and Taehyung looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders as they headed inside his room to play Super Mario Odyssey. “Jesus Christ, Y/N. Why do you have to be so troublesome!? Why can’t you understand that? That I like you?” Yoongi asked himself while hiccuping. Looking at his drunk expression in the mirror. He headed upstairs as he laid on his bed, checking his text messages with his brother. Before accidentally dialing his number. “Hey, how are you? I just finished my classes, everything okay?” Yoongi’s older brother asked as he answered, waiting for his answer. “Hyung… Can… Can… y-you pick me up and drive me somewhere in an hour?” Yoongi asked drunkenly as he hiccuped once again.

Wong kept his eyes on me, something about him made me attracted to him. I couldn’t tell what it was, maybe it’s the glasses or his pretty eyes or his collected personality?

“Excuse me, Ms. Meílíng. Ms. Meílíng!” I shook my head as I was thinking again. When I noticed Wong waving his hand in front of me. “Are you alright?” I grabbed my bottle and drank some water, blushing in embarrassment. “Y-yeah, I think something was on my mind. I’m terribly sorry, Ms. Sung.” Wong chuckled a bit as he looked down on his tablet typing some notes. “Alright everyone, time for a small 10 minutes break! Feel free to use the bathroom or grab a cup of coffee.” Ms. Sung announced as she left the classroom shortly. I checked my phone as I read a text message from Lisa, apparently, she has been hanging out a lot with her childhood friend from Thailand. I texted, saying I’ll call her later. “So Ms. Meíling, I was thinking of you and I could treat you to dinner later in the evening?” I was smiling like a dork because of those dirty jokes I and Lisa made. “Sorry what? Are you asking me on a date, Mr. Wong? Then the answer’s a clear no.”

He’s probably trying to get into my panties. Hmmph, as if I hadn’t heard of that poor excuse of a pick-up line countless times. But I’m not falling for that shit.

He scoffed, looking down on his phone, “well, not quite. I was thinking of getting to know you a bit better through a fancy dinner. Considering you’ll be my supervisor when you’ll show me around campus at National Seoul University. But if you aren’t interested then that’s understandable.” He looked at me, smiling as he got up to look at the window. I put my phone down as I was too quick to judge his intentions, “sorry, I was a bit too judgemental.”

I stood up as I looked at him, bowing my head. “It’s just that I’m so used to newly hired male colleagues always flirting or trying to hook up with me. That’s why I’m so quick to reject offers like that.” He turned around as he bowed his head too, “no. It’s alright, you’re quite an excellent, mature and responsible woman as the principal has described you. But I’m strictly here to work and not have any relationships with any of my female colleagues.”

Hearing him speak so well-mannered and respectful, that was a different answer from others. He truly was like a prince. Part of me wanted to say yes to his request, the other part of me also hesitated.

The break was over as Ms. Sung began writing stuff down on the blackboard. “I’ll give you my answer after this,” I whispered into his ear he simply nodded as we had to analyze and discuss Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The class was over as I looked at him. “So um sure let’s go for dinner. What time and where should we meet?” I spoke, packing my things and bag. “Well, how about 7:00 PM in front of the “Gwanak-Gu Office” station, Ms. Meílíng?” I nodded, slipping a piece of paper into his suit, “here’s my number in case you’re late, Mr. Wong. See you later.~” I added, taking my leave as he scoffed. “Heh, that fierceness and confidence. I’ll definitely see you, Y/N.” I walked outside the building, heading straight to the station. “Really? Did you hook up with one of your childhood friends from Thailand? Omg Lalisa Manoban you’re wild!” I was walking towards the station as I spoke with her on the phone. “Well yeah, he was my second but although it wasn’t that big he knew how to use it. Ahahahaha!” I wheezed hard, goofing around with dirty jokes was hilarious.

Although she’s the youngest of our friend group, she’s still the funniest and always manages to make me laugh.

“Well gotta go, Li-Girlie. I need to catch my train. I got something important to take care of. Later.~” I said, hanging up as I headed downstairs, waiting patiently for my train. “So where exactly should I drop you off, Yoongi?” He looked over at him as Yoongi was staring out of the window, watching the raindrops fall. “Hnn… “Gangnam” Station, Baekhyun Hyung.” Baekhyun sighed, shaking his head. “You’re usually not in Gangnam, what’s your business there?” He hiccupped as his tongue clicked, “none of your business, Hyung. Just don’t mind it.” Some time had passed as I arrived at the Gangnam station. After exiting the station I opened my umbrella as it was raining heavily.

Damn. It’s really pouring down. I wonder how this dinner date will go… Is Wong really a different male colleague from the others… I was walking when I suddenly noticed a blonde-haired man with a black cap on walking, almost staggering in the rain. No way that’s him. What’s he doing here? Is he just going to yell at me again? The man sneezed as he kept walking fast in the direction of my apartment.

I sighed as I ran after him. “Yoongi what the hell?! What are you doing here…?” I asked, letting him under my umbrella. I was still very angry at him for that terrible morning. Our eyes met as I sighed. “Y/N… I’m sorry.” Yoongi acknowledged as he was shivering, “I came here to apologize to you.” I could tell he was serious about his apology, just by the look in his eyes.

“Come on, let’s get inside and talk. You must be freezing, you drunk idiot.” I let out a small laugh as we both walked inside the elevator. I entered after typing the password, “just stay in the hallway, I’ll get you a large towel to dry yourself.” I took my heels off and put them on the shoe rack. “Thanks for letting me inside.” He said as he hiccupped. I handed him a large towel as he dried himself. “Who dropped you off here? Was it one of the members?” I asked, heating the water as I grabbed two packs of Korean noodles. “It was my Hyung. I asked him to pick me up and drop me off here.” He sat on the stool as he looked at me.

“I know I shouldn’t be here. But I want to apologize for what I did and said earlier. That was quite harsh and I hurt you.” Yoongi’s voice was full of honesty and guilt, I was watching his expression closely as I nodded, rubbing my arm. “I mean my relationship is my relationship. That’s why I didn’t like you stepping into it and speaking as if you knew everything. Although you’re probably right about Daniel Jones and me. Maybe I really shouldn’t wait for him any longer.” I cupped my face, turning around as I added the noodles into the boiling water and added the sauce. Suddenly I felt his arms around my stomach giving me a back hug. “Yoongi, I’m cooking… You know.” He hummed, “I don’t care. You know maybe it’s time for you to move on, break up with him, Y/N.” He rested his chin on my shoulder as he pecked my cheek. I moved the saucepan away from the heat and turned around. He tilted his head in confusion as I leaned in, placing my hands on his shoulder, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

“Mmh…” He hummed, placing his hands on my back, his hands running up and down as I slowly pulled back. “For someone who isn’t my boyfriend… You sure talk a lot.” He ran his tongue in his mouth as he scoffed offendedly. “But I kinda like that about you. And I always have.” I leaned in pulling him by the tie, giving him a deep kiss. “God, you're a really fierce and wild woman. I like that about you.” He rubbed his bottom lip as his tongue clicked and I crossed my arms sassily, “come on let’s eat, Suga.” I poured over the noodles into the bowls and grabbed 2 pairs of chopsticks. We ate and watched some TV after some time had passed.

“Well, I have a meeting with this new colleague of mine, I think it’s best if we both leave at the same time?” I asked, letting my hair down as I was looking at myself in the mirror. “Hmm, you don’t want me to stay here in this apartment until you get back?” Yoongi asked cunningly as he looked at me. “Well, don’t you have some business or paperwork you need to check on, Mafia leader?” I scoffed, applying on red lipstick as I pursed my lips and fixed my black tight dress. “For a meeting, you’re dressed quite incredibly, is your colleague perhaps a male?” He asked, looking at me curiously as he waited for my response.

“I just want to look good, is that a problem, Boss?” I replied sassily, having my hands on my hips. “Not at all, just be careful, Y/N. That color on your lips,” he walked in front of me as he ran his thumb on my chin, “...might give him the wrong idea.” I smacked his hand away as I frowned, crossing my arms. “Yoongi I know what I’m doing. I’m not naive, alright?” He had his usual careless expression as his tongue poked his cheek. “Alright, I believe you. Just be careful with the alcohol and have a nice evening.” He chuckled as he smiled warmly at me, I nodded. “Well is someone going to pick you or do you take the subway?” I put on my beige coat as I stood in the hallway, putting on my heels, “yeah Jimin will pick me up in a few minutes.” He put on his shoes as he looked at me. “Okay let’s go then.” I grabbed my bag as I waited outside my door as we both headed down.

“Here.” Yoongi looked at me as I stood in front of the stairs leading down to the subway, “what’s this for?” He asked when I opened the umbrella as I placed it in his hand. “So you won’t get cold in the rain. I’ll go ahead, make sure to stay warm.” I hugged him as I noticed the black Hyundai slowly approaching and I let go of him. “Take care, Y/N, and thanks.” I waited in front of the “Gwanak-Gu Office” station, checking the time it was 6:50 PM as I looked around.

“Good evening, Ms. Meílíng. My apologies if I kept you waiting.” Mr. Wong appeared as he let out his hand as I shook it. “You didn’t keep me waiting, I just arrived here.” My lips formed a little smile as I saw he was dressed nicely. He opened his umbrella and pointed at the restaurant, “come on. Shall we go Ms. Meílíng?” I nodded as I went under his umbrella and followed his lead to the fancy restaurant. “Wow, this is a nice restaurant, Mr. Wong.” I looked around as I noticed the amazing decor and the atmosphere as he pulled the chair out for me. “Glad you like it here,” I sat down as I bowed. “Anyway feel free to order anything you like Ms. Meílíng.

This Italian restaurant is known for its organic and most authentic food.” I thanked him, smiling sweetly. “So are there any questions you have related to work, Mr. Wong?” I asked, waiting for his response. He thought for a few seconds as he chuckled. “Well yes, are you by any chance Chinese? I’m originally from Macau.” My eyes scanned over him as his pretty face, “oh that’s interesting, Mr. Wong. I think I’ll order the Margherita pizza and some garlic bread along with a soda. “Well, Actually, yes I’m half Chinese. My mother’s Chinese and my father’s Korean.” I explained as he nodded, listening to me.

“Wow, half Chinese and half Korean that’s an interesting combination. I think I’ll order the lasagna and a glass of wine.”

I felt a weird feeling within my heart. But it was probably just me being paranoid.

After an hour of endless talking and enjoying the delicious food, also while consuming a bit of wine. “Wow, I’ve never met such an intelligent and respectful man like you, Mr. Wong.” He smiled as he looked deeply into my eyes, “same goes to you Ms. Y/N. I really can’t wait to work with you in the future.” I laughed as I was a bit tipsy, my phone getting spammed with notifications. “If you’ll excuse me, I just need to use the bathroom, Wong, hehe.” I left my phone on the table as I walked over and quickly looked at myself in the bathroom mirror as I laughed,

“holy shit. I didn’t notice my chest was so visible…” I pulled the straps of my dress up over my shoulder blades. I returned as Wong smiled, “everything okay Ms. Y/N? I’ve ordered you a glass of water.” I laughed as I sat down and drank the water, “everything’s just fine, just like you are Prince~” I said, poking his nose as I drunk flirted with him. He took a hold of my hand and kissed it. “Well, how nice of you, in that case, you’re a Princess, Y/N. It shall be my duty to follow you home. I’ve already paid for both of us, let’s go.” I mumbled a yes as I stood up, grabbing my purse and phone.

“Thank you, Prince Eric…” We both walked out as it was still pouring out heavily. Wong opened his large umbrella as I stood under it, “stay close to me alright, Y/N?” He wrapped my arm around his shoulder as our eyes met. My heart skipped a beat as I simply nodded. “It’s 11:12 PM, which station do you get off at?” I mumbled Gangnam as he nodded, waving at a cab. We both got in as he took care of the explaining.

“Sorry for being so troublesome, Wong. I shouldn’t have consumed wine when my alcohol tolerance is so low.” I rested my head on his shoulder as he looked at me, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about it, we all have our limits. We’re almost there and I want to thank you for tonight.” A couple of minutes had passed as the cab pulled up to the station that I recognized. “We’re here,” the driver said as Wong paid for the ride. We got out as we both bowed to the driver, thanking him as he drove away.

“Looks like it’s still raining a bit, let me walk you to your apartment.” We walked as I held his hand, “thanks for paying for the dinner and the cab ride. I owe you one, Wong. I had a great time with you” I stood in front of the apartment building. “Well, don’t think about owing me anything. It was a pleasure for me too, Y/N. I hope we’ll work great together at SNU.” I bowed respectfully as he waved and left. “Y/N, if there’s ever anything you need just give me a call.” My eyes widened as I nodded, typing the apartment’s password as I entered, I used the elevator as I noticed a man in a black leather jacket, holding a red umbrella. When he suddenly turned around, lowering his hoodie.

“Yoongi what are you doing here?–” Yoongi wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his chest as I could hear his rapid heartbeat. “Where have you been? I was really worried that something might’ve happened to you. Considering you didn’t answer my calls or texts.” He let go of me as I hiccupped and mumbled, “sorry I must've been busy. Let me just check my phone.” I typed the password as we entered my home, “that’s strange. Why is your phone on flight mode? You put it on purpose so I wouldn’t interrupt you, right?” He looked over my shoulder as his eyes changed drastically.

“What…? No. Yoongi, l didn’t put it on flight mode to purposely ignore you. I swear.” I turned around as I put my coat on the coat rack, holding his hand as he wasn’t looking at me. “You had me worried, Y/N. That meeting must’ve been more than just work-related, right? Hmmph. It explains why you’re so happy and tipsy.” I felt him getting on my nerves as I stomped the floor, “would you mind your own business and leave me alone? I don’t like you being here to scold me out, alright Boss?” I said, walking past him as I went inside my bedroom, smacking the door. “Such an asshole…” I pulled my dress over my head. I put on my XL hoodie and just wore some black panties, frowning.

I exited my bedroom as I noticed Yoongi putting on his shoes in the hallway. “I’ll be going back to the mansion. See you around.” I felt a sharp pain in my heart listening as his cold yet hurt voice spoke. “Yoongi… Wait.” I walked towards him as I gave him a tight back hug, squeezing him. “Can’t… can’t we just talk it out?” He scoffed as he moved my arms away as he faced me. “Talk out what exactly? That you intentionally put your phone on flight mode even though you were in a meeting? Y/N, I’m not dumb, that dinner meant more than just work-related business.” I looked down as I couldn’t bring myself to keep eye contact.

“It wasn’t me, I swear I put my phone on silent mode. Not flight mode, I swear it wasn’t me. My phone must’ve made some technical error or something.” I hiccupped as I looked at him, waiting for his response. His fists were clenched then he let go of them, he exhaled as he put his hands on my shoulders. “I believe you. I’m sorry I doubted you. I must admit, my lack of communication isn’t very helpful either. Is it alright if I stay here right with you?” I nodded, as I looked at him. “Sure but aren’t the other members worried about your whereabouts?” I asked as he smiled, “no worries. I’ve notified Jimin about it. You still seem quite drunk, what did you drink?” I laughed as I felt my head get dizzy and then I fell into Yoongi’s chest as he caught me.

It was black all of a sudden as I opened my eyes again, I was lying on my couch with Yoongi’s black leather jacket on my legs as I rubbed my head. “Good. You’re finally awake, how are you feeling?” He asked, handing me a glass of water as I immediately drank off it. “You know, I’m having a quite brutal headache, usually when I get drunk it’s normal but this one really made me lose consciousness.” I constated, rubbing my head as he looked at me and pulled me into his arms. “Y/N, do you remember what kind of wine or liquor you drank?” I cuddled into his chest, mumbling, “no I don’t. I just remember Mr. Wong just recommended it to me. But maybe it was a strong Italian wine considering it was an authentic Italian restaurant.” I added, looking up as he stroked my back. “Just be careful with drinking. After all, your alcohol tolerance is quite low, heh.” I checked my phone as I turned off the flight mode when the notifications came popping in.

Min Suga (Yoongi)

09:01 PM: “Hey, I’m on my way to return your red umbrella from earlier.”

09:01 PM: “Do you want me to pick you up once you’ve finished your meeting?”

3 missed call(s) from Min Suga (Yoongi)

10:55 PM: “Why aren’t you picking up, are you alright?”

11:15 PM: “I’m near your apartment.”

11:30 PM: “Just… tell me you’re alright so I don’t have to worry.”

I felt myself switch from talking casually to formally as I realized Yoongi was still my leader. “Shit, I’m sorry for making you concerned, Sir Suga–” He embraced me while looking deeply into my dark brown eyes, “–call me by real name when it’s just the two of us, Y/N.” I gasped as my hands rested on his chest, “come on I want you to call me by my real name.”

I fluttered my eyes as I spoke, “Yoongi… Sorry for being so troublesome.” Yoongi flashed his well-known smirk as he pecked my lips as I wrapped my hands around his neck, deepening the kiss. “You’re not troublesome, Y/N. I guess my lack of trusting people is an issue here. I always fear that someone might cross paths with you and trick you, but that fierce and wise attitude of yours isn’t something to mess with.” Hearing his compliments. They made me happy, naturally forming my dimples.

“Thank you, Yoongi. I should probably head to bed, it’s late.” I rubbed his shoulder as I cuddled his nose, I stood up as I kissed his forehead good night. “Goodnight, Y/N. Sleep tight.” I walked into my bedroom as I stood in the doorway, “why don’t you sleep with me in my bedroom tonight?” I turned around, waiting for his response. “Are you sure this is okay with you? I’m afraid I might do something while I’m sleeping.” Yoongi stated as he faced me as I pulled the blanket over us, “of course, besides I feel safer with you this close to me.” I confessed as I gave him a quick kiss as he scoffed with his gummy smile. “Alright, sweet dreams Y/N.”

We fell asleep as many hours had passed, I woke up to the sound of something cooking in the kitchen. Naturally, I followed the lovely smell as I saw Yoongi wearing an apron as he was frying some sunny side eggs.

“Good morning, Y/N.” He said, looking back as he smiled, “morning Yoongi.” I said, wrapping my arms around his stomach, hugging him. “It smells nice, I didn’t know you could cook.” He scoffed, placing the eggs on a plate. “Well. I do, I just don’t make food on the regular. While you were sleeping, I went over to the nearby bakery and supermarket to buy some bread and fresh fruits.”

I sat on the counter, observing him as I smiled. “Wow, Yoongi you’re so incredible, unlike Daniel.” He smirked as turned around, placing his hands on the counter as he looked into my eyes. “Well, cooking isn’t the only thing I’m incredible at.” Yoongi leaned in as he kissed me deeply and passionately, I ran my hands up and down his back. I hummed as he smirked into the kiss as I pulled back, “gosh Yoongi you’re such a big tease.~ Come on let’s eat. It’s already 08:35 AM, my class starts at 2 PM.” I said as I got down from the counter and I grabbed the plates, putting them on the table. He poured coffee into a mug as he looked at me, “how do you like your coffee?” I smiled as I ate a piece of bread with the egg on top.

“With a dash of milk and two teaspoons of sugar.” He nodded, handing me my cup of coffee as I took a sip of it. “After breakfast… I thought we could look at the hacking program together, Y/N?” I hummed, enjoying the food as he ate too. “Sorry… Mmmh! It’s just I was really hungry, you’ve cooked the eggs to perfection. And the fresh fruits you’ve picked are incredibly sweet! But yes we can look at it.” Yoongi chuckled as his gummy smile was showing off, “well relax it’s just a simple breakfast, Y/N.” After finishing breakfast, I turned on my laptop as I stood in front of my bedroom door. “Let me just take a quick shower then you can teach me some tips and tricks?” I said, putting a towel on my right shoulder. “Mmh-hmm.” He said, licking his lips as he checked his Rolex watch. “Want me to join you, Y/N?” I gasped as I walked past him. “In your dreams Min Yoongi,” I said, entering the bathroom as I turned on the shower.

God. He’s such a tease. But I like that.

“So I’ve spoken with Jungkook. He told me you got the basic tricks down. However, I have a mission tonight where we need to hack something, regarding a digital lock.” I raised an eyebrow, thinking about what he just said. “I need to hack a digital lock? How the fuck do I do that?” I looked at the hacking program I had installed yesterday, “I’ll show you. Follow me.” Yoongi said, holding my hand as he walked outside and I followed naturally. “What are you going to do? Or rather what are you trying to do?” I asked, observing Yoongi running the app on his phone. “I’m showing you how to hack a digital lock. Since you’re familiar with the app already, you want to hold out your phone near your target; the digital lock. Your password is 301993 right?” I nodded, indicating my answer.

“So are you going to hack my digital lock now?” I gave him a serious yet concerned stare as he nodded, “I’ll just demonstrate it. Don’t worry too much. Now you want to enter the password backward on the app. So it’ll sound like 39, just give it 15 seconds to adjust the coding. And now just press the ‘login’ button.” I was confused by the movements happening on his phone but I went to type in my password as it declined.

“So now that must mean… the new ‘key’ is 794080, right?” I scoffed as I looked at Yoongi, “correct. You’re an excellent observer, Y/N.” I typed in the new password as it opened, “well how do I revert it now? I might forget ‘794080’ as the new password…” Yoongi scoffed as he handed me his phone, the app still running. “You just click at ‘password setting’ then scroll down to ‘saved passwords’. So far I’ve two saved ones, the one named ‘password 1’ is the original and the correct password.” I nodded, following Yoongi’s directions as I returned the digital lock to normal.

“Wow that’s incredible, you’re a great hacker, Yoongi.” I told him, re-entering my home as he followed me as I stood in the hallway, “there is other stuff I’m great at too, Y/N~” Yoongi smirked as he pinned my arms above my head to the nearest wall.

“Yoongi.” I said as I felt him kiss me passionately as I scoffed, “do you want me to stop?” Our eyes met as I blinked, shrugging.

I don’t want you to stop…

I cupped his cheeks as I leaned in. “I dunno… I kind of like when you’re so honest and straightforward when it’s just the two of us…” I fluttered my eyes, avoiding his dangerous gaze.

“Mmh? Tell me what’s on your mind, Y/N.” He tilted his head, I automatically locked eyes with him.

“But I don’t get it…” I said, feeling myself get frustrated. He raised an eyebrow in response.

Y/N. Just be honest with yourself. Min Yoongi is right in front of you.

“Get what?” He asked, his hand slowly caressing the side of my jawline.

“I don’t get why you like me?” There was a short moment of silence as he scoffed. That’s when Yoongi pressed his forehead against mine as he looked deeply into my eyes.

“Because you’re so hot and I want you.” I furrowed my eyebrows, his response pissed me off as I placed my hands on his chest pushing him and I was about to walk away.

“You’re a huge asshole, Min Yoongi.”

When he suddenly held me close to him as I looked at him confused and pissed off.

“I know I am but Y/N didn’t let me finish.” He had a sly smile as he said that.

“Tch.” I hissed crossing my arms as he leaned in.

“I’ve always crushed on you. Unlike other girls at our high school, you always stood up for others when they were being bullied or picked on. The strong, nonjudgemental, and fierce yet scary attitude yours intrigued me. One time I didn’t have enough money to buy myself lunch and you offered me half of your lunch. That kindness but the fiery personality of yours was enough for me to fall for you Y/N Lee Meílíng. That’s why I like you.” My eyes widened as I was left speechless by his confession.

I blinked a few times as my hands ran slowly on his chest up to his shoulders, pressing my lips against his. Meeting him with a soft, deep, and warm kiss as he wrapped his arms around me. “Mmh…” Yoongi hummed, smirking into the kiss.

“Oh, Min Yoongi. You have no idea how much I want to be with you. But we’re both so different and living two completely different lifestyles. You’re in the Mafia gang and while I’m just a teacher at a University. I don’t know if we’d be able to work out if our worlds would just collide…” He held both of my hands as he nodded, understanding the circumstances, “that might be true. We’re both so different but I just want you to think about it, I’ll gladly wait for your answer. Because I like you, Y/N.” Yoongi pecked my forehead as he went back to the living room, “well I’ll think about it, Yoongi.” I said, following him as I checked the time.

“Well it’s already 11:35 AM, I should get ready for work.” I put my black thick hair in a tight ponytail as I began applying some body lotion to my brown skin. I put on a simple grey blazer and a beige turtleneck underneath, some stockings, and a long white knee-length skirt. I walked out as Yoongi was reading the newspapers as he looked up for a second, admiring my outfit. “I was thinking we could go for some lunch near the campus?” I twirled my ponytail as I waited for his response. “Sure let’s do that, supermodel.” He coughed, trying to hide his smirk as he got up.

“I’m not a supermodel, idiot,” I said, pulling his sleeve. “Well I should head back to the mansion to change and see the others, a member is picking me up. Do you wanna tag along?” I rolled my eyes, “fine, who’s the member?” I asked, putting on my beige high heels. “It’s Park Jimin.” He chuckled, wearing his shoes. “Why did you ask? You’re not fond of him?” I shook my head as I walked out, holding the door. “It’s not that… I’m just not very fond of your flirty member Taehyung. I guess Jungkook or Jimin is alright.” We went down with the elevator as we walked up to the street to see the black Hyundai pulling up.

“Well if it isn’t Boss Suga and Ms. Y/N. How are you two?” Jimin said, opening the window as he waved. Yoongi sat next to him as I sat in the back seat, “It’s been alright, how have you been? Any news on how the meeting with the GOT7 went?” I asked as Yoongi scoffed, “well a certain someone was missing your presence.” Jimin said, smiling and he made a left turn.

“Mr. Wang was rather curious as to where you were yesterday.” Yoongi looked out the window as he ran his tongue at his teeth. “Really? I thought I wasn’t that memorable to the GOT7, I mean I’m not that terrific besides I had a work-related dinner with a new colleague of mine.” I answered as I kept looking at the mirror, hoping to get eye contact with Yoongi’s eyes. But his eyes were focusing on what was happening in the other lane. “Was it something important, if so I’d like to be informed about that Mr. Park Jimin.” He pulled up to the mansion, parking the car as Yoongi was texting someone.

“I’m sure Boss will keep you updated. After all, I wasn’t present either.” Jimin confessed, chuckling as he opened my door and I got out. “Y/N meet me in the office in 5 minutes, I’ll have to talk to someone real quick,” Yoongi said, walking inside as he went upstairs. “Yes, Sir Suga,” I said, entering and bowing as I caught Jimin having a rather mischievous smile on his face. “What’s with you and that smile, Park?” I asked, crossing my arms as I sat down on the couch.

“So I’m guessing Boss slept at your place, hmm? That’s why he’s more quiet than usual.” Taehyung went by as he grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator as he smirked, “oh so Boss slept in Kitten’s bed, huh?” I glared at him as I got up, keeping my hands on my hips. “If I hear another word from you Tae, I’ll seriously slap you.” Yoongi came downstairs, staring at TaeTae. “Y/N to the office. And Tae quit flirting with her or I’m throwing your newly ordered Gucci clothes out.” I nodded, heading upstairs as I cackled at his jaw drop by Yoongi’s threat.

“Well. Take a seat on the chair, Y/N.” He said, closing the door as I bowed my head, sitting down. “So it’s regarding the Blood Vessel Gang, I see…” I looked through the papers and the plan he came up with and I was rather fascinated. “So the GOT7 is going to act as a backup for the next mission, that’s a quite clever move,” Yoongi smirked, looking at me as I leaned in. “Is this a clever move too?” He asked, kissing me softly on the lips as I laughed a bit, cupping his cheeks. “Mmh, I don’t know. Why don’t you kiss me again?” I asked daringly as the door opened as I was playing with his tie.

It was Jungkook. “Hyung– I mean Boss. We got a confirmed deal with the GOT7 Gang, it’ll be on 13th May at midnight.” Yoongi’s Adam's apple bopped as he sighed, fixing his tie. “Got it. Thanks for the information, Jungkook.” He bowed, glancing at me as if I did something wrong. “See you around, Noona.” He closed the door as he left. “Well, so um on that mission what is my role exactly? Am I going to hack something or seduce again?” I asked crossing my legs as he looked and thought for a second. “I think we’ll need you to hack something. But I’ll send you the information later.”

< Previous chapter – Next chapter >

#Yoongi Fanfic: The Taste of Red Wine #Min Yoon Gi #Min Yoongi #BTS #Bangtan Seonyandan #Jeon Jungkook #Hendery #Way V #Wong Kunhang #Huang Guanheng #Kim Taehyung #Park Jimin #Jackson Wang #GOT7 #K-pop #K-pop Fanfics #Yoongi x Reader #Yoongi x Y/N #Suga x Reader

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mingishoe · 5 years

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When you get too close to another member

OT7 x Reader

Kim Namjoon

Namjoon completely trusts you and doesn’t mind you being with the other boys, so when you’ve been out shopping all day with Jin he doesn’t think too much about it. After shopping all day with Jin you came home with armfuls of bags, laughing like two idiots. After helping Jin take all his bags to his room you bid your good-nights and go back to your boyfriends room. You yourself only had like 4 bags so it wasn’t too much to carry. As you walk into the room you see Namjoon laying down scrolling through his phone. You set your bags on the desk and say hello to Namjoon. “Hey baby, how was shopping with Jin Hyung?” Namjoon asked giggling slightly. “It was great, I got some new clothes, but I’m so tired.” You sigh and lay next to Namjoon. “I can imagine, you two were gone for gone for like 6 hours!” He responds laughing.

Kim Seokjin

Jin wasn’t one to get too jealous because he knew he could trust you around the other members, but every once in a while he got a bit annoyed at how much the other members bothered you. You, Jin, and Hoseok were in the practice room and Hoseok kept persisting he taught you a new dance, which you wanted to learn. Jin was sitting on the floor against the mirror as Hoseok was moving your body accordingly when you couldn’t get a specific move down. While watching Hoseok continuously grab your leg Jin finally had enough of it. All of a sudden Jin popped up from his spot and ran towards you and Hoseok. “Jinie what are you doing?” you questioned as he picked you up over his shoulder and ran out of the practice room. “Nothing, you need some rest you look tired” he said quite fast and rushed. You looked up at him and said “Are you sure you’re not just jealous babe?” while giggling. “Maybe…” he responded while kissing you on the cheek.

Min Yoongi

Yoongi probably would get the most jealous out of the group. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Namjoon helping him with his new album coming out. Yoongi walked into Namjoon’s studio to ask him to listen to a song he had just finished producing when he saw you with his headphones on while Namjoon’s head was pressed against yours so he can hear slightly as well. As soon as Yoongi walked in you immediately perked up and started smiling, “Hey baby” you smiled at him to which he just completely ignored you and handed the flash drive to Namjoon telling him to listen to number 7. You furrowed your eyebrows wondering what was wrong with him, but shrugged it off thinking he was frustrated about something not working or sounding right. Later that night you walked into his room wanting to spend time with him since he was busy all day. He was facing the wall with his head under the covers. “Yoongi, baby? Are you asleep?” you asked knowing the answer was probably yes which is why you’re surprised when he says, “What do you want?” “I-I just wanted to come cuddle or watch a movie since you were so busy today.” You respond quite taken aback by his harsh tone. “Why don’t you go cuddle with Namjoon since you two are so close” he spat back, still under the covers. You snorted wondering if he was actually serious, “Yoongi what the fuck are you talking about?” you started walking towards the bed to sit on it. “Why would I want to cuddle and watch a movie with Namjoon when I already have the perfect cuddle buddy and boyfriend, whom I love very much, right here. He slowly took off the covers revealing his signature gummy smile with his arm out waiting for you to cuddle with him. “Love you” is what you heard from him when you snuggled your face into his neck. “Love you more”

Jung Hoseok (slightly smutty but not rly)

Hoseok was a really possessive person, but not so much jealous. For some reason Hoseok HATED for you to be with Jungkook. He was at dance practice and you were extremely bored, so you were playing video games with Jungkook in his room. You two were in a really intense game of Mario Kart so neither of you could hear the door open and slam shut. You and Jungkook were currently have a yelling contest to try and distract the other from wining. “KOOOOOK” you screamed throwing the controller down on the bed after he beat you by .5 a second. Jungkook was sitting in his desk chair while you were sitting on his bed. The door suddenly flew open with an angry Hoseok on the other side, “What the fuck are y’all doing?!” You and Jungkook immediately turned around and looked down like you two were actually doing something bad, which y’all weren’t, and quietly and simply responded, “Mario Kart.” Hoseok looked between the two of you and said, “continue,” you and Jungkook looked at each other, skeptical about what Hoseok was playing at. You and Jungkook both got back in to your positions, him in his desk chair and you sitting Criss-cross on his bed. Hoseok sat on the bed next to you, and to be frank, he was making you 10 times more nervous. You were currently winning and Hoseok’s hand was slowly going up your thigh to rest to the bottom of your jeans. “H-Hoseok, what’re you doing?” You asked trying to not get too distracted. “Nothing baby, keep going.” He responded smirking at you. It was your last lap and you were winning by a hair, Jungkook right behind you. You felt the waist of your pants being tugged on you look down quickly and see Hoseok got the button of your jeans undone and was beginning to stick his hand down your pants into your underwear. “Hobi, stop, you’re gonna make me lose!” You responded getting quite angry. “I’m just trying to remind you my name is the only one you can scream” he responded, too loudly for your liking, making you stop and have Jungkook speed past you.

Park Jimin

Jimin didn’t get so much possessive or jealous but he became insecure that he wasn’t treating you right. Jimin especially didn’t like you being around Yoongi as much as you were. You and Yoongi have similar personality traits and like the same things, so it was natural for you two to be close. Everyone was out recording for song for the new album except Yoongi since he has been having a sore throat for the past few days. You decided to stay and keep Yoongi company by eating popcorn and watching Netflix on the big screen in the living room area. You and Yoongi were sitting on the two seat couch with popcorn in between your crossed legs. It was getting late and the boys still weren’t back yet, and you were starting to get tired. Yoongi had fallen asleep a long time ago leaning against your body. You must’ve fallen asleep as well with your head on Yoongi’s shoulder because when you woke up it was 3am and apparently everyone was back because all the keys were on the key holder. Yoongi moved to where he was leaning the other way so it was easy to get up without waking him up. You go towards your boyfriends room and open the door and see Jimin sleeping peacefully. You change into some shorts and leave the sweater you had on. You get into the bed and expect Jimin to pull his arm around you, but instead he faces the other direction away from you. “Jimin? Baby? Are you okay?” You asked, concerned about his behaviour thinking he might not be feeling well. Jimin doesn’t respond but you can see him nod from where he’s laying. “Jimin, are you sure bec- ohhh…. Is this because Yoongi?” You asked now started to understand what was wrong. Once again, you see him nod from where he was looking. You stay quiet for a minute, not sure what to say until you hear a whisper, barely audible, like maybe you weren’t even supposed to hear it. “Are you sure you still love me?” You snap your heads towards Jimin, not being able to believe what he just said. “Park Jimin, look at me,” you whispered soft enough but hard enough for him to listen to you. Your eyes scanned the soft features of his face, his sparkling eyes, his beautiful plump lips, his soft skin you could touch all day, “Jimin baby, don’t ever believe I don’t love you. I love you more than anything and anybody in the world. You’re my rock, I don’t know what I would do without you.” You told him softly making intense eye contact so he would see how serious you are. “Are- are you sure because Yoon-“ “Jimin, please be quiet.” You cut him off not wanting to hear what he had to say about Yoongi. You looked down at his lips before kissing him softly to prove your point. “I love you, Park Jimin”

Kim Taehyung

Taehyung wasn’t so much jealous because he knew he could trust you and the other members, but he was aware of Jimin’s small crush on you. Every time you were with Jimin, Taehyung turned into a sloth. He was so clingy, not that you minded, but he was always right next to you or holding you somehow. So when Jimin was trying to help you learn how to play the piano, Taehyung wouldn’t leave you alone for 2 seconds. “TaeTae, can you please go sit on the sofa please, Jimin is trying to show me and he can’t with you grabbing my hands every minute.” You looked at Taehyung then to Jimin smiling sympathetically. “Hey, I can help you another time, why don’t you let Tae help you for today?” You looked back at Taehyung looking at you with wide hopeful eyes, “I- I guess that’ll be okay” you looked at Taehyung and smiled. Taehyung thanked Jimin as he walked out of the room leaving you two together. You turned around shooting Taehyung a glare, “Why did you do that Tae, Jimin was just trying to help me learn.” Taehyung look at you with guilty eyes, “Sorry, I just wanted you to myself for today.” You turned around to hug Taehyung and put your head in his face, “It’s okay baby, we can spend all day together.”

Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook was both possessive and got jealous super easily especially when you and Taehyung were hanging out alone. Sure Taehyung was his best friend and he trusted him more than the other boys, but it was just his instinct to want you all to himself. Jungkook was going to be out all day with one of his friends you didn’t know, so Taehyung asked you if you wanted to go see a movie with him so you won’t be alone. You agreed quickly since you didn’t have anything to do and no one else was around. You and Taehyung honesty no interest in each other but apparently to Jungkook going to the movies with him was the end of the world. You and Taehyung walk into the dorms screaming and laughing at each other. Jungkook was sitting in the kitchen with Jin talking about who knows what, but you didn’t pay too much attention to him besides giving him a small smile while walking to the back room with Taehyung. From the very beginning you knew Jungkook was going to be slightly annoyed about the whole thing, but you didn’t think it was as serious as he thought it was. After awhile of you and Taehyung talking you hear a door slam shut and you immediately knew it was Jungkook. You sigh as you get up thanking Taehyung and telling him goodnight since it was quite late already and you head to Jungkook’s room. You open the door and see Jungkook walking back and forth across the room, eyes closed and hands on his ears. Instead of trying to talk to him, you wait till his back is towards you and go to hug him. He stiffens for a moment then relaxes when he realized it was you. You knew exactly what he was thinking so you just start talking to him, “You know I love you right, not Taehyung.” You can feel him laugh slightly so you continue, “I’m being serious, I’m all yours, and only yours. Forever.” You feel him start to shift around so you loosen your grip from around him so he can turn around to hug you, “I love you.”

#kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #jeon jungguk #bts #bts smut #bts imagines #bts reactions #smut #fluff #bts crack #crack #angst

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bellasharifuddin · 3 years

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The Day I Became a Mother

It’s been a while since I last post anything here, typing feels awkward as well. But this has always been a thing that I wanted to do since the day I’ve given birth, to document and blog about my pregnancy and my birth journey, so in 4-5 years to come when my memories fade, I can always come back to reminisce every detail that I keep here, like a memory capsule.

The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant.

You know, when people say that when you have a strong intuition about something, trust your gut feeling, because it’s often true. Mirin and I have always talked about having kids, me wanting a baby so much within months after we got married, however, Mirin having second thoughts about it. We were both married for less than a year, sleeping on a toto without a mattress or a bed, living in the deep slum of Wangsa Maju area where the rats are larger than the cats. Hahaha. Naturally, given our circumstances, he’d want to take things slow.

Fast forward to a couple of months, we went out for some steaks and karaoke on a weekend night. I told mirin to stop by Watsons, for me to buy a pregnancy test kit. Mirin didn’t question much, because occasionally I would randomly buy one, just for fun. But this time, I didnt just get one. I ended up buying three. Why? Because somehow, I had a strong feeling this time. I just felt... weird. It was a feeling that I can’t put it into words.

We came home at midnight, I went to the bathroom too “pee on the stick”. Then I saw the first line... a few seconds later comes the second one. Oh my god. Okay. I knew Mirin was standing outside the toilet door, waiting. Eventually, I had to break the news to him. When I showed to Mirin, we both ended up hugging and crying. Was I happy? Was I in shock? Was I sad? Yes, a little bit of everything. Its funny that all you’ve wanted was a baby, then when it actually happens, suddenly you’re freaked out. Happy that its a blessing. Sad that it hits you without a warning.

Pregnant!

When the morning sickness finally kicked in, I knew we couldn’t live in the current house. Its not the best place to raise a child. And the next-door neighbor was having major renovation that was super loud and noisy. After sleepless nights and searching for a new place, we eventually moved out. Bought our first bed, bought our first dining table, bought our first gas stove. A many of firsts. Soon we finally bought a baby cot from Ikea. We bought it too early. Although it was too early to put it up, but Mirin assembled it anyways. I could tell that he was excited. It was such a fun and exciting moment, for the both of us.

But those were the fun part. Like most pregnancies, the not so fun part about being pregnant was me being diagnosed with Pregnancy Hypertension during my 36th week of pregnancy. My blood pressure spiked up to 140/100 on two consecutive readings, and the next thing I know, that I’m sitting in an ambulance, on my way to Hospital Kuala Lumpur’s emergency building.

At Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for an available bed

Mirin bought me the entire family mart food available xD

I spent 3 nights in their maternity wards, finally discharged after the doctor told me that I was clear to go. While I was in the hospital, it pains me to see new mothers struggling during the COVID19 pandemic. Throughout your stay, no visitations were allowed from anyone including your husband. If your baby cries or if you’re in pain, you’d have figure it out yourself. I remember praying to god while crying that I do not want to be induced there. The ward was stuffy and hot. There were too many people crammed in a room. It was hell.

The Day That I Give Birth

One week after my discharge, we both went for my monthly checkup with my OBGYN at Pantai. Again, my doctor advised me to be induced tomorrow, since my blood pressure spiked again, and I was almost full term (38 weeks) so it was okay to go. She told me that “It’s best to get the baby out or else you boleh kena sawan” OMG Okay okay. So we packed our bags, ate sushi for dinner, slept soundly for the very last time, and headed to the hospital again at 9 am the next morning.

Induction day. We definitely overpacked haha

Arrived at the hospital lobby, did a mandatory swab test before entering

Appointment card. Booked and paid for the accommodations prior to checking in

I was told to change into my labor robe (I’m not too sure what it’s called), and waited. When my doctor finally arrived, she then began to insert some sort of a plastic strip deeeeeep into my cervix. Ouch, that hurts. Okay, so that’s how induction works eh? Then I was given antibiotics into my IV drip too, since I was GBS (Group-B Strep) Positive as well.

Toilet selfie! Calm before the storm

After an hour, I felt the contraction. Initially it was uncomfortable, then it hurts like hell. The contractions felt like period pain but like a million times worse. Occasionally, Doctor Haslinda would come and check on my “bukaan”. Hours passed. 1cm... 2cm... 3cm.... when I finally said:

“Omg sakit sangat dah tak tahan, I want an epidural!“

Ok no, that was a lie. I initially didn’t want to take an epidural. I wanted to try and bear with the pain, but Mirin convinced me to take it, so after tossing and turning like a dying fish I finally said okay.

The anesthesiologist came after what felt like an eternity, and asked me to sign a consent form. I’m not really sure what was written in that. Siapa je ada masa nak baca terms and conditions panjang panjang bila tengah contractions???

He told me to sit on the edge of the bed, while hugging a pillow. I remembered him injecting some numbing spray, then I felt the BIG NEEDLE poking through my spine. Then.. that was it. It was so fast. The entire process took only 5 mins. Was it painful as I thought it would be? No. Was it still scary tho? Yep hahaha.

Soon after, Dr Haslinda pecahkan air ketuban when I was 4cm dilated. It didnt hurt because I was on epidural, but I felt so much warm liquid flowing out non-stop. So bizarre.

Once you’re on epidural, you’re basically bed-ridden. No bathroom trips anymore, my legs feel like jelly. Sometimes the nurse will come to empty my bladder with a catheter. When the epidural kicked in, I could finally sleep. I slept like a baby. I slept for hours. Painless. No more feeling like a dying fish. And so I thought.............

3am. I woke up with INTENSE CONTRACTION PAIN. Why is it so painful? I thought I’m on epidural? I called the nurse straight away. Turned out the epidural drug ran out. It was sooo stressful because the nurse that was on duty that night didn’t know how to topap balik the epidural drug into the machine. She called her colleague, then the colleague also tak tahu. Then both of them spent like forever to troubleshoot how to use the machine, sampai lastly kena call doctor tanya. YA ALLAH, rasa macam nak maki je.

7am the next day. Bukaan baru 7-8cm. Doctor decided to use another form of induction to speed up the process. It’s called pitocin, and injected through my IV drip. Within MINUTES, I could feel very intense and painful contractions, that the epidural can’t even help. So throughout the remaining 7cm to 10cm, I felt every inch of real labor pain. I clenched Mirin’s hand. So tightly that I think it got bruised. A minute felt like an hour, and an hour felt like years. It was soo bad that my memory was so fuzzy.

Finally, it was 10cm. Time to go. They put both of my legs up, macam gambar bawah ni haha:

Picture courtesy from Google

There were two nurses, one small cute Malay nurse, one pregnant Indian nurse, and my OBGYN, Dr Haslinda. I love them all, they were so supportive and nice to me throughout my labor process. My doctor taught me how to push correctly:

“Take a deeeeeeep breath then tahan, clench your fists, chin down and teran macam nak berak sekuat-kuat hati“

I was so determined to get the baby out. I just wanted the contraction pain to end. I did everything they told me to do. I hold on to Mirin’s hand, and PUSHHHHHHHEDDDDDD! I could hear Mirin saying “You’re doing great sayang!” After several pushes, and some sips of water breaks, the baby’s head is almost out. The head was the hardest to push. Besar! I literally felt like my down there was stretching to its limit. Once the head is out, I did another small push, and the rest of the baby’s body macam keluar instantly macam super slimy like that haha.

Finally the baby is out! 8.26AM! The contractions stopped immediately. I instantly feel like I wasn’t pregnant anymore. The doctor then injected something on my thigh, then my uri just popped right out haha. My body felt so tired, but so so light. Lega, yay no longer pregnant haha. I ended up having second degree perineal tear without an episiotomy, and was stitched. I felt the benang, ngilu. I felt the needle pierced through my muscles too. But it didnt hurt so it wasn’t too bad.

The baby gets cleaned up. Then soon all of the nurses left the labor room, it was just me, Mirin and our baby. Mirin picked her up, and azankan. Mirin started crying, I cried too. It was magical :’)

We did skin to skin and tried breastfeeding for the first time. As I look at her, hair was so thick. Her cute little fingers. Her beautiful face. She’s perfect.

I slept for 5 hours straight after the labor

Thinking back, I have no idea how I managed to muster such courage to go through all these. Mirin even told me that during the active labor stage, when I was pushing, at one point I pushed so hard that my entire face turned blue. Talk about adrenaline.

Do I want to have another baby? Well, lets keep a rain check on that question for another few more years to come xD

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kello-unknown · 4 years

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NEVER THOUGHT IT’D BE HER

Summary: Max lives an… entertaining life. She just got out of a relationship she thought would last forever. Meeting one person leads to more people in her life, and before she knows it, she’s falling in love with someone she never expected to fall in love with.

Words: 1,487

Warnings: little bit of angst

Author’s Note: its getting good hehe… reminder that i link the previous chapters directly below the author’s notes, so if you’re behind you can just click the link thru here :D

CHAPTER 1, CHAPTER 2, CHAPTER 3, CHAPTER 4

~~~

CHAPTER 5

WAKING up, Alex felt different. Like something major in her life had changed. She sat up after rubbing her eyes and realized where she was. So… it did happen. Everything with Devin…. She started to tear up, but then she remembered that she was in bed with Max. She turned her body around to go face her friend but was greeted by more pillows. She huffed, disappointed that she was alone, but upon further looking, she noticed a piece of paper on Max’s nightstand. A note.

“Morning. I had to run to work to finish some stuff (that apparently couldn’t wait -_-), and I didn’t wanna wake you up since you had a rough night. There’s a whole bunch of food in the cabinets in the kitchen. If you can’t find anything you want, text me and I can order something for you if you want. I shouldn’t be home too-too late, but I’ll def text you when I’m on my way back. Treat yourself to whatever you want, be it food or tv. You’re an adult so I can’t stop you, hehe. Text me when you get up if you want (just so I know you’re alive). I’ll see you later :D ~Max”

Alex couldn’t help but smile while reading the entire note that was written to her. Since she had nothing planned for the day, she decided to sleep in a bit more to help recuperate from the previous night’s anguish. Putting the note back where she found it, Alex rested her head on the pillow once again for about three more hours.

Settling in at her desk, Max checked her phone for what felt like the millionth time within the past hour. She felt bad that she had to leave Alex alone in her home after what happened last night, but her boss practically threatened her to get her ass to work “or else.” That bitch.

After deciding putting the phone down would probably do her some good, Max finally got to do what she came into work to do in the first place.

Around 11:45 a.m., she got a text. No one usually texts her when she’s at work, so she flipped her phone right side up to check who it was. It was Alex. Max smiled, reading the text: “finally got out of bed. Not sure how you managed to get up so quickly without waking me. I felt like I woke the whole neighborhood just sitting up it’s so comfy. Don’t rush your work, it’s more important, lol. To quote someone who wrote me a note this morning, ‘I’ll see you later :D’”

Max chuckled at the last part of the text. What a wiseass, she thought. “Good to know you’re finally alive and moving, lol :P. I bought it for its comfort ig. I’ll text you when I get in my car later, it’s about a 10 min drive home jsyk. To quote someone who quoted my note, ‘I’LL SEE YOU LATER :D’” After she sent the message, she put her phone away and got to work. The faster I finish, the faster I can go home and be with her.

Feet perched up on the coffee table, Alex continued to scroll through the channels that Max had available on her tv. Finally finding the HGTV channel, she laid even further back into the couch.

Ten minutes had passed, and she remembered that she still had a box from when she went to Natalie’s house. Nat had said that it was stuff that Max had apparently put in the boxes on accident and Nat didn’t want to “have them anymore.”

Grabbing her keys and walking towards the door, she decided to go bring the box inside, thinking that she would forget about it by the time Max gets home, whenever that would be.

Plopping the box down onto the bed, Alex sat down right next to it. She contemplated whether to open it and take everything out since Nat had said it was mostly clothes. The least Alex could do is try to make the clothes as less-wrinkly as possible, seeing as the box did sit in her car for about a week and a half.

She laughed to herself as she pulled out only six flannels from the box. Sighing as she laid them out, she accidentally knocked the box over trying to flatten some of the flannels out. As she walked over to the box, she noticed something had fell out of it. Crouching down to get a better view of what it was, she picked up an extremely tiny box. She opened it and gasped immediately.

It was a ring.

Questions raced around Alex’s mind. One of them was planning on proposing to the other? Or did one of them propose, the other said no, and that’s why they broke up? Then it occurred to Alex that she didn’t even know why Max and Natalie broke up in the first place. All she knew was that Nat had managed to find someone, that someone being Chris, rather quickly after the breakup. She found that strange in itself seeing as the relationship she just got out of lasted three years and she moved on to an entirely new one.

Maybe she’d ask Max what exactly went down when she got home from work. Well, how would she bring that up into a conversation? Hey so I was taking your clothes out of a box that your ex said wasn’t hers and I stumbled upon what looks like an engagement ring and I realized that I don’t know why you and my sister broke up so…?

Maybe not that. She put the ring back in the box and the flannels on top of it. Maybe if Max saw the ring for herself, the break-up story would emerge, and Alex would finally understand. She went back to the couch to lie down. She might just need energy for later if she were to take everything in. That is, if Max were to tell her what went down that night.

Around four hours later, she received a text from Max saying she was on her way home. Alex panicked. She felt the need to go look in the mirror and see if she looked appropriate.

Appropriate? She’s been home all day. If anything, her looking like a slob would look appropriate. She decided to fix her hair into a cute braid and tie up the shirt with one of the rubber bands around her wrist. By the time she had sat back down on the couch after making herself look “better,” Max had gotten home.

Max walked through the front door with bags in her hand, and Alex shot up to go and help her. She grabbed the bags from Max and went to place them on the counter, realizing it was some kind of Italian food based on the smell that was emitted from the bags. She turned around to face Max.

“I was hungry on my way home and was in the mood. Don’t judge me.” Alex raised her hands, saying she would never, and they both laughed. Max, after placing down her other belongings, walked over to the counter and took out the excess food. “I might have gone a little overboard now that I’m looking at it all.” Alex just nods.

The two sit down at Max’s table and eat, surprisingly, a majority of the food while they talk about their day. When they had finished what they decided was the end of dinner, Alex remembered about the box. “Oh! I forgot to tell you something somehow over the course of the past two weeks,” she laughs at herself. “When I went to Nat’s house to drop her stuff off, she went through the boxes to see if she got everything and noticed that you, probably, accidentally put some of your stuff in the boxes. So, she filled up a box and gave it back to me to give back to you. I remembered I had it earlier today, so I just put it on your bed,” she said, while gesturing towards the bedroom. Max nodded and, after throwing all the dirty plates away, went to her room to investigate.

Alex stayed in the living room, but she could hear Max saying things like, “So that’s where this flannel went!” and she couldn’t help but giggle softly to herself. She opted to get up and go watch Max find her lost pieces of clothing.

When she walked into the bedroom, she found Max standing still, holding something small in her hand. That’s when Alex remembered the ring. She asked Max if she was okay, but Max stayed silent. Alex walked over to her and put her hand on her shoulder. Max sighed heavily.

Max explained what it was and why Natalie had it in the first place.

tags: @maggie-elise13, @elizabethfictionwriting, @lesbian-deadpool, @solaettristis, @the-very-tired-gay, @timelords-13, @tangled-up-in-bad-decisions, @natashaswhitesuit, @its-a-me-mario-hihi, @marvelfansince08love

#never thought itd be her #ntibh #short story #story #mine #kello-unknown

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crazyperfectsense · 4 years

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4/30/20/1

god April was 5 minutes long and I’m going to spend all 5 of them writing this post

this is honestly probably far too personal to put into the public of the internet, and perhaps I’ll take it down before anyone really sees it, but Tumblr is comforting because it is almost a graveyard and the people who remain (who I see in fleeting posts in passing, hi) I trust (or just will not see this because they do not care or the algorithm does not favor long text posts), whereas Facebook is horrifying and Instagram is worse, and this is likely going to be too long to hold anyone’s attention for the whole thing, but I also want to get some notes down for whenever I finally get to talk to my therapist again, so here we go

I woke up at 6:30am naturally (horrifying!), leapt out of bed because I realized how much work I had to do (hate when a nap turns into just...sleep!), and got a text from my dad 15 minutes later that my maternal grandfather was in critical condition, and somehow still managed to do work for the next six hours out of necessity

it briefly brought back flashbacks to 2012, where my dad didn’t tell me for a week that his father died because I had finals my first semester of college, but told me right after he picked me up as we were driving across campus to pick up a friend that we were taking back home, so I had about 3 minutes to compose myself before a 2 hour car ride (horrifying!)

my grandfather died around 1pm, and I had the truly unique (horrifying! ! ! !) experience of finding out via text while I was on a Zoom call as the TA, where I was the only person sharing video other than the professor (my advisor!), and I had to keep my composure while simultaneously finishing creating the homework that I was behind on making while also trying to figure out what to respond to this text notification of mortality, because I don’t know how to say any sort of condolence really in Chinese, but my dad was handling communications and just texting in English anyway — and I don’t know, it’s the kind of thing where I probably could’ve ditched the call and made excuses later, but the effort to preserve even the slightest tinge of normalcy in this moment seemed right, and I did my very best (and succeeded!) to not spontaneously burst into tears on camera, even though I did about 0.03 seconds after I hung up

an aside: thank god that my advisor was sharing screen and people were hopefully focused on him / in speaker mode or something, because my neutral face is....poor! not entirely sure because I avoided making eye contact with my virtual self aside from brief checks to make sure that I was still alive, still functioning as I flickered from screen to screen across my two monitors

I had a meeting scheduled with my advisor afterwards, and he was all ready to move into it, but was so extremely understanding the second he saw my message I had sent 50 min earlier that was effectively “can we push this back a bit because my grandfather died and I need to call my fam lol” and suggested (as any normal person with emotions would) that I take the time to formally postpone and regroup if needed (needed!) rather than just pushing back a half hour or so like I naively thought would work

I had to desperately cry for about 20 minutes (horrifying!) before I felt ready to call my family, even so

I hate hearing my mom sad! it’s the fucking worst! but it was a relief for 2 seconds to exist over a phone line with someone who also couldn’t talk straight without needing to take a few gasping breaths

another aside: i didn’t write about this in February because, well, everything was on fire in my life already, so briefly: my mom was supposed to be in China through mid-March, having gone there in October. things obviously went to shit, given *gestures at COVID-19 and the world*, and we booked her an early return flight, given that the senior living facility my grandparents were in had already closed to visitors out of precaution. my brother, dad, and I collectively freaked the fuck out (my brother started crying in the middle of class and had to leave, I barely held it together in mine but paid negative attention) when flights back from China started getting cancelled (and for those like, terrifying few hours where Trump was going to ban foreign nationals since my mom’s not a citizen and they didn’t make it clear that immediate family of US citizens were fine), but we somehow made it happen

so, back to the phone call: I just let her talk and she had so many regrets about leaving China when she did, and it just made me feel like the shittiest person for wanting her back home in America when it deprived her of the chance to see her dad one more time. my uncle and mom luckily got to take my grandparents out of the senior home for one night to celebrate Chinese New Year the day before the facility closed to visitors, so they had one last dinner together as a family but thinking about the what ifs makes me want to cry all over again. my mom just kept saying how she wished she could’ve done more, how she wished they had gone to the hospital earlier for a check-up, and the most I could helplessly contribute was “coronavirus concerns were already rampant and it could have been even worse, given airborne contagion,” even if I said as many other things as I could, about how dialysis was painful as hell and my grandfather, the former doctor, said he didn’t even want to be in the ICU at the end years before his passing

I learned what the Chinese words were for “depression” today, when my mom said my grandfather said he had it and they had gotten him some medication for it a few months ago, and I was so stunned that it was “depression” and not some strange disease I was unfamiliar with that I couldn’t say anything for 30 seconds, and I can’t really write more on this point because I will just start crying, but perhaps I should really think about how aging research is largely focused on non-Asian populations and how perhaps, I’m uniquely equipped to contribute a bit to the field here (but, that is true for so many things, and I am tired!)

my grandfather was great. he was quiet, but stubborn as hell. he was a doctor, and he loved routine. he cared so, fucking, much about me and my brother. he always insisted on taking my brother and me on walks to the same few places that he liked to visit — I remember visiting this community center that had a ping pong table — and him going out of his way to find me internet access, since my grandparents’ apartment didn’t have it for most of the years I visited. he loved taking me and my brother to KFC, because he thought it was the height of Americanized cuisine in China, and was so proud of how much better it was than American KFC (which he hadn’t had, but he knew, and he was right. we would eat every single bite of a two-piece meal each. even the ketchup was better). he once cut out a newspaper clipping ranking UT as the #2 college on this huge list of colleges (I think it was referring to research endowments, but anyway) and saved it to show me almost a year later. he told me in 2013 that he would probably live to see me finish college, and he lived to see me two years into grad school, dying when I was halfway through year three. he was 89. I loved him so much, even if we didn’t get to talk much at all.

I’m so mad at all these fucking people who, in the land of the free and the home of the so-called brave, are being idiots in this time and not social distancing. I’m so mad at every single friend who posts a large or small gathering to their story, at everyone who is so thirsty for social connection that they’re willing to put everyone they’re in close contact with at risk to hang out with another person for just a few hours (horrifying!). humans are social creatures who need engagement and connection to live — having written 22 pages about health and social relationships across 12 hours a few weeks ago, I understand this point so saliently that it’s painful. but seeing such....levity when my mom is crying over not being able to even go back to China to properly say goodbye because they won’t admit anyone from the US (and the US has banned travel to China, like that was necessary in this xenophobic environment) makes me want to punch a wall. suck it up! call your friends over Zoom or FaceTime like the goddamn rest of us!

grief is so strange, and grief is encapsulated in every molecule of this new normal — the strangeness of missing the life that once was, even if the past wasn’t something that I thought I’d miss. I remember feeling so, so guilty for traveling twice in February because of the studying for comps that I should’ve been doing, and now I marvel at my foresight. (and have so many regrets for the people who I told “I’ll see you in April when I’m back after comps are done!!”

I’m in this weird spot where I feel like I’m screaming at the people around me to care, and all of them are too busy with different social ties, and I’m watching my connections wilt and fray because everyone thinks I’m so stable and put-together (or boring and shy?)

an example: I was left off of a reunion Zoom call with some people I worked with in college that was widely talked about on social media regarding “love having shared all this time with these strong women” and all, and it felt very, idk, selfish and whiny (horrifying) to be like “how can you call this feminism when I, a real woman, am being left out of this call”! the following exchange, about the above, happened with in a group chat with a very blunt friend:

D: “Also, how does it feel to be left out of that [organization] Women zoom call, Amy?” another aside: (this....was a stupid question. but we’ll allow it, because boys will be boys.) me: “lol it honestly hurt my feelings but it's not like they weren't cliquey from the very beginning ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to be expected I suppose” D: “Yeah when I saw that I was like “Why didn’t include Amy, she was there at the same time as they were”” me: “LOL thanks for thinking of me 🥺 they clearly did not”

(the other friend staying quiet, because it was tangibly awkward, even if I tried to play it chill, but my feelings remain hurt) perhaps if I cared more, or wanted to try and make people feel bad, I would’ve replied to a story with “tfti”, or laughed, or heart-reacted, or something “casual” that still implicates “where was my invite”, but....is it even worth investing the hurt and care and time when I’m not even sure it would spark embarrassment on their end? because perhaps they intentionally just do not...care about me and my feelings? at all? (horrifying?)

(I already know this to be true, even if the snub was unintentional, but I needed to muse about it anyway)

another aside: I still talk with plenty of people from this organization who I am MUCH closer with, and I shouldn’t feel snubbed to be snubbed by people who I never felt too close with in the first place! (and yet! horrifying!)

sent an extremely passive aggressive message earlier and yet, K tells me that the people in the chat might not even read it as passive aggressive! (horrifying!)

god. I don’t know! I feel so much sadness and anger, and yet still have a few hours of work to do tonight. it’s wild that even today, where my heart just hurts every few seconds if I think too hard, I still have my mind centered in needing to be productive and not lazy because I’ve already spent too much time procrastinating on my work (horrifying!). but the work is about Asian American collective action / media production, and I feel good about it, and I’m working with some badass Asian women, and I really hope it lands in this flagship journal, because that would be a win, and I kind of just need one!

oh if it’s not clear I finished comps and I don’t know if I passed yet but they’re done so...that’s something

also whoever fucking looked at Chicago style citations and thought “oh hmm, let’s make another type of Chicago style that is DIFFERENT and call it Chicago style documentation” is the literal fucking devil

ok this is enough for now bye. god this was long. (horrifying!!!!!!)

#ever spontaneously write 2000+ words

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