#i stopped playing when it started asking for emails though and didn't accept the one i gave it so i couldn't play :

[keeps-ache]

every couple days i see something about amogus and i'm like 'oh i should play that again, it was so fun' like the game didn't make me absolutely feral

[multiplekittens]

Hello. I think occasionally I will do an embarrassingly earnest long post about my reflections on whatever media I'm currently thinking about. I'll tag them with #long poast so you can mute it if you want. I'll also put most of it under a read more.

This one will be tangentially about Bocchi the Rock, but it's mostly a personal essay that uses Bocchi as a jumping off point. I'll be talking about a character who shows up late, and I think you'll be fine if you want to read but don't know shit about the character. If you want to avoid spoilers at all costs, I wouldn't read, but otherwise I think you're probably fine. I'm also gonna talk about homophobia/transphobia in the US (specifically about the "groomer" conservative trend and accompanying legislation), so be aware of that too.

I finished Bocchi the Rock months ago and while in general it was very much a "she's just like me fr" experience (like it is for a lot of people) I literally cannot stop thinking about Bocchi and Kikuri's friendship. I remember watching the second-to-last episode and seeing how Kikuri was supporting and teaching Bocchi and just treating her like a regular person, despite the fact that it was clear Bocchi was working through Issues, and just starting to cry. Even though it was not supposed to be a particularly emotionally resonant scene, it was just such a good example of how important friendships between non-related adults and kids could be, and I couldn't help but think about how that concept is being litigated to hell in the US right now.

I don't think I really need to explain on Tumblr to my 100% American followers what's happening right now, but just in case I'll summarize a bit. The current conservative push to call trans and gay people "groomers" for being around children at all while not lying about their identity is obviously extremely harmful for gay and trans people, but I also think that the accompanying stigmatization and criminalization of any non-related adult having any sort of friendship with a child is also going to be incredibly harmful to children, as well. You can see this with how teachers and librarians (not even gay and trans ones!) are treated -- those are the two positions where it's most socially acceptable for adults to interact with children regularly, and they're being accused of "brainwashing" kids just for providing them with books.

I'm worried about how this is going to affect kids, because I've been on both sides of relationships like that and I've seen how important they are. I used to tutor math in a rural southern town, and when I moved across states to where I live now so that I could finally come out as a nonbinary lesbian, I remember having to break the news to all my students that I wouldn't be teaching them anymore. I remember one fourth-grader I tutored who really only needed someone to tell her she could do math begging me not to move so I could stay and tutor her. I remember her asking for a hug after our last session, and I constantly think about what her parents would have to say about me giving it if I hadn't been closeted. I also wonder what would have happened if I went through this process just a couple years later.

Of course, I've been the child too; I remember seventh grade, when I first moved to an entire new state into a tiny K-12 school where everyone knew each other already. My twin and I started doing plays and made friends with two high school seniors, Mae and Tsuki (not their real names). Despite the fact that we were young, extremely awkward, and anxious, they were always extremely kind to us, letting us sit next to them on busses during Science Olympiad trips, exchanging emails (!), and generally letting us hang out with them even though I'm sure we were annoying, cringy, and just generally seventh graders.

Looking back, I realize they probably didn't have a great time in that school either. They were the only furries in the entire school, and at least one of them came out as bi after school was over. I'm almost certain the average adult would not have approved of our friendship, but out of everyone at that school they were the only people I ever knew who were actively encouraging of our interests; one of them even got me a piece of original film from Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, a gift I still treasure and have to this day, over a decade later. (I would go on to be bullied and othered over my love of star trek, sci-fi, and not stereotypically "girly" things for the rest of my time at that school). They made an otherwise very rocky year much more bearable, and helped me to feel that maybe I was someone who people would like to be around when I really needed that. I think there's next to no chance they could read this and I have no way to contact them, but I hope they're doing well now and I wish I could let them know how much their friendship meant to me, even now.

I think that friendship is why the relationship between Kukiri and Bocchi resonated so much with me, and why I'm heartbroken about the US trying to litigate those relationships away. While Kukiri isn't explicitly queer, a) come on of course she is and b) she's definitely not what an adult would call a "good influence." She's constantly drunk around Bocchi, sometimes offers her alcohol, takes Bocchi's money so she can buy more alcohol, and teaches her how to illegally busk. But at the same time, I know firsthand how much a "cool" adult (or nearly-adult, in my case) taking you under their wing can mean, and how much it can help low self-esteem for someone like that to believe in you when you can't even begin to believe in yourself. If US conservatives have their way, then experiences like these will disappear for good. For everyone's sake, I truly hope they don't succeed.

[caerozades]

Hawks knew that there would be a time where everything he worked for will tumble in a such a rate that can never be repaired. Being a person who was exposed to the horrors of the society they lived in, Hawks never believed that will be a moment wherein he could claim something as his. There is always something to lose in every joys he experienced and as much as he hated it, he knew for a fact that the world works only to favor those who are chosen by the people.

Don't get him wrong, he is also aware of the people who adore him so much but for him, they are just actors who play in this twisted illusion he called life. Those people may love him now but they can be also be the ones who are easy to believe in anything laid out to them.

Was he being a pessimist? Maybe. But as he stared down at the busy streets of Kyoto, he couldn't stop thinking of the possible consequences of the job he accepted. It was for the better good but Hawks can already see what people would do once they knew that the hero they adore is someone who's currently working with the enemy.

The commission had been wary about the league of villains and although they never told him directly, Hawks had an eerie feeling that the president was cooking something up.

And boy he was right.

He just got home from an away mission when his handler, Mr. Takashi, appeared at his doorstep with a grim face.

"What's with the long face, Takashi? Do I look too ugly to be an eyesore?" He greeted as he let the man walked in his apartment.

Takashi handed him thick folder as he walked past the hero. "The league are being bolder with their attacks," he started, eyeing Hawks as the latter followed him in the living room. The winged hero watched as his handler plopped on the sofa and closed his eyes. This is not going to end good, was all he thought as he waited for the man continued.

After a minute, Takashi looked at the folder that Hawks was holding. "They are getting more and more dangerous. Although we have AFO in our custody, the president doesn't want to risk getting lax especially with a deranged leader like Shigaraki," Takashi's gaze hardened as he looked at Hawks. "And since you weren't in Kamino when they heroes were called-"

Hawks held up his index finger, "correction, YOU told me not to go," he cut off, annoyed with how his handler glared at him. Takashi is a type of man who doesn't want to get interrupted and Hawks was aware of that (and had been very careful not to piss off his boss) but he could never let the man change the narrative. He wanted to go and was about to when Takashi ordered him to stay back and let the others take charge. "I ain't gonna allow you to make up a story and you know that," he explained.

"Fine," Takashi gruffed. It took a minute before he continued, "We thought it was best for you not to go because of this task that we want you to do."

Hawks sighed. "Are you asking me to be a spy?" He knew it was a stupid question but he wanted to hear it directly from his handler.

"This is a no-brainer, Keigo," Hawks flinched. "Playing dumb is cute but in situations like this, I don't think it is a smart thing to do." It's really not, Hawks mused.

Takashi took his phone out and began typing. From where the hero was sitting Takashi looks like he was composing an email.

Working in the HSPC means having the ability to be efficient and quick. Even though Hawks didn't take the assignment, Takashi made it look like he already did because he was typing like a madman and Hawks' phone was vibrating non-stop. His agency had already closed for the day which could only mean that the mails were coming from the man sitting in front of him.

He rolled his eyes. He never get to decide for himself. The commission was doing everything for him and it's starting to suffocate him. Being a pawn for the majority of your life suck but as much as he wanted to leave, his love for keeping the society safe weighs more than anything else.

It was after a few minutes when he stood up and walked towards his kitchen. The tapping sounds were starting to drive him mad and losing his patience in front of his handler would be that last thing he wanted to do. Not tonight, he thought as he grabbed a bottle of liquor in his fridge.

Once he poured himself a glass, he went back to the living room and leaned against Takashi's seat. "Are there any limits to this mission?" he inquired, taking note of how his handler tensed with the mention of limitations. It has been known among the commission that when it comes missions like this, there is no such thing as "restrictions". You have to do what you have to do in order to accomplish the task.

Hawks was hoping that his handler would tell him some but that hope dissipitated when Takashi shook his head. "Of course," since when did they even care for you? Nobody knows but those who work for the commission that everyone, including those who have a huge reputation, who vowed to the commission tend to get their hands dirty on a daily basis.

He could still remember the first time he had to kill a person. He was barely a teen when the commission sent him in a foreign mission to catch the villain that was known in the underworld to work with the AFO. As a kid who knew nothing but to impress the people who took him in, Hawks was vibrating with excitement when his handler told him that he'll be going overseas for a mission.

A child would always seek for the adults' approval. It is something the even if one tries to defy, they would always look for something that could catch the adults' attention. Hawks wanted to make his handler and his teachers proud so as he jumped out of the military aircraft, he couldn't think of anything but to tell the people who raised him how he was able to catch the villain himself.

Hawks was in a dark alley, chasing the villain's partner when he sensed it. Be vigilant, was the mantra he kept playing in his mind as he walked blindly with a sharpened feather held tightly in his hand. His teammates were talking but he didn't bother to repond nor update them where he was because they were using a different language. Hawks had just started learning how to speak English and with the stress of the mission, he wasn't able to communicate with other people. Takashi was the only one who could help him but the man was in the aircraft, helping the team track down the location of the villain.

One thing he learned in the private lessons he had was to look for the enemy's weakness. It was the easiest yet the most challenging thing to do since it requires a lot of analyzation of the villain. Their behaviors and the little bit of information were enough to assess if they have something that the heros could use to get to them. And Hawks was confident that the person h was following was the key to make the enemy reveal himself. Even then, he never had any restrictions since the higher ups were confident that Hawks would be able to do everything with finesse.

A young hero with incredible speed for his own liking.

It happened so fast that Hawks couldn't even remember how his body reacted and immediately went into full fighter mode when the person he was following tackled him. In his defense, he was a child. A young hero who still had a lot to learn yet was in no position to decline anything that was given to him. He let his instincts control the situation and after a few minutes, he just found himself panting heavily and staring at the lifeless body of a man drowing in his own blood.

Hawks took a huge gulp of his beer, silently hoping that the liquor was strong enough to take the image out of his head. They say that a person's first kill will be the one that would be remembered the most. It was rather unbelievable but as Hawks tried to fight off the shiver running through his spine, he could't fathom how that day took away the remaining innocence of his past self.

"Everything you might need, backgrounds, possible locations and weakest links, should be in the mails I've sent you. Although I know you'll do your own research," Hawks deapanned, "Don't give me that look, Hawks. I know you have a lot of connections and there is a high possiblity that you already knew more than we do but please, take a look on the files I sent you and also on that folder. It is important that you know everything you need before proceeding with this mission." Takashi stood up and turned to face the hero. "We expect good results, Hawks."

"Yeah, yeah. Since when did I even fail you guys?"

"Don't let this be your first," was all Takashi has said before leaving Hawks alone.

His mind is getting haywire. It always does whenever Takashi asks him to do something for the commission.

There is nothing more heinous than someone digging a grave of their own.

He doesn't want to do it.

Oh how he wishes he has an option to opt out. Spying on the league sounds like a death wish yet there's a small voice in his mind that urges him to do it. To work his ass off in order to satisfy the people who ensured the position he has right now.

Hawks hates it but what can he do? He had been a pawn his entire life, what's another mission to add to his suffering, right?

Oh... let me get out of this hellhole.

I'm pretty sure this was the first draft I had for beneath the burning pyre. Lately, it's been a little difficult to get in the right headspace when writing an update - it took me a long time before I could post the last chapter because I got so busy with school and like I said above, it's getting hard to get in the right mood every time I plan to write an entry for the next chapter. I still plan to finish this story because I love dabihawks and I just like to dive more into their relationship in the story (considering that they're still a little vague) but it'll take longer before I can post again *sighs*

[boldlyvoid]

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

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Sugar daddy fic (Some tags didn't work)

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[viridiansworld]

Pairing: Jisung x Original Fem Character(Ginger)

Word Count: 9.4k

K Song Recs(I’m obsessed): Sober by Junny, It's You by Sam Kim, For You by LeeHi

Warnings: 18+ only, non idol AU, NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, fluff, happy ending, mentions if toxic family

Synopsis:  Ginger finds herself helping her best guy friend Jisung pull one over on his family: pretending to be his fake girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

Note: Can be read alone but overlap in the same universe as the other 'A Very Merry Skzmas' stories.

A Very Merry Skzmas Masterlist

"I really don't understand what they want from me." Jisung was venting to Ginger as she handed him his Americano.

"I guess that's family for you, they always set expectations and if you don't meet them then you get grilled about it. It's your life, You should be able to do what you want. At least that's how I feel about it, but I don't have those problems, my family is non-existent. It's a blessing and a curse."

Jisung had come to the book cafe like every morning to grab his coffee and do a little bit of work. He has lots of emails to check but today he needed to send weekly guitar lesson schedules to his students . On top of all his usual work he was also working on booking shows for Christmas but he was struggling with whether to accept offers.

Every year Jisung booked himself full for Christmas parties, restaurants, holiday festivals, you name it! He made great money doing it. Normally he didn't do anything for the holidays other than work but this year his family had been pestering him almost constantly to come home for Christmas. When his best friend Chan said he wanted everyone to come together for Christmas it made it even worse. He couldn't go back home to see Chan and not go see his family. There was one huge problem though... his family may be under the impression that he had a girlfriend.

"I always just lie and say that I'm seeing somebody to get outta stuff, but to actually have to go home and be around them? They're going to want to see pictures, they're going to want to know who this person is and I have no actual person to fill that spot!" Jisung was definitely panicking.

Ginger had been the barista at the book Cafe for as long as Jisung had been going there. Which was a really long time honestly, and they quickly became friends over the years. Ginger finished making Jisungs Americano and handed it to him. He went and sat at the bar to give Ginger time to clear out the line that was forming behind him. Once the morning rush had cleared out she started wiping down the counters and came back over to where he was seated.

"Well I hate to say this but ... it's what you get when you play with fire. Telling your lies definitely hasn't paid off now. "

Jisung stopped typing up an email to look at Ginger "Scold me all you want! I have tough skin." He smirked and quirked his eyebrow.

"I won't scold you anymore" she laughed "It's like you just need somebody to pretend to be your girlfriend for Christmas. It would satisfy your parents and then you could carry on with the rest of your life and maybe they'll step off your case for a little bit." She wiped the rest of the counter down before heading to clean up some of the dirty dishes that had piled up during the rush.

"Yeah, yeah, fake girlfriend" Jisung rolled his eyes and shook his head. What an insane idea. He didn't even know a single person who knew him well enough to do that even if he wanted to...well he had one friend. He looked over at Ginger, the plan forming in his mind already.

"Ginger whens my birthday?" He asked

"Uh...September 14th." Ginger was working on brewing a new pot of their medium roast and paused to look at Jisung with a confused face.

Han closed his laptop and gave her his full attention. "My favorite dessert?"

"Cheesecake....are we playing 20 questions?"

"Kind of... Favorite season?"

"Winter. What do I win if I get all these right?" She crossed her arms

"I don't know yet but keep going, what's my favorite color?"

"Red. Whatever I win better be good." She purses her lips and leaned against the counter.

"Ok let me think....oh! What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to me as a kid?"

"Your middle school crush Penny something the other hugged you and your braces got stuck in her sweater. You ripped a hole in her sweater and she about ripped your braces out" Ginger started chuckling to herself uncontrollably.

"Damnit...of course you remember that" he laughed with her. "Ok, final question, you ready?"

"Hit me."

"Will you be my fake girlfriend?"

Ginger about fell out in the floor. "I was joking about that!! Are you crazy?"

"Its genius though! I don't have anybody else I can ask to fill in like that! Nobody knows me like you! I don't have any other friends that can do it, its perfect! We already have a shit ton of pictures together cause you come to my shows with your friends on the reg" Jisung was talking with his hands looking like a mad man. "You aren't doing anything for Christmas so you would be free! The sign on the door said the shop is closing on the 21st until the new year! It's perfect Ginger!"

"I am your friend and I do know a lot about you... but I am not saying that I need to pretend to be your girlfriend. And my Christmas plans are fine the way they are. Me, a bottle of rum, and my bed. That's the perfect Christmas." She couldn't believe he actually wanted to do the fake girlfriend thing. So what if she knew him pretty well, that didn't qualify her to put on an Emmy winning performance as his fake girlfriend.

"Okay well first those Christmas plans sound terrible because who wants to be hung over for Christmas... But second... it'll be fun! It's a free trip, and you'll get to meet my crackhead friends."

Ginger came over to the bar and leaned against it, leveling herself with Jisung "You have to be shitting me. You want me to come and spend the holidays with your family and friends in your middle of nowhere small town all while pretending to be your girlfriend? You're calling that fun?"

"....yeah?" He smiled his toothy smile and turned on his sparkly eyes. "Ginger... please just think about it. If you do this for me I will owe you a huge favor. You've been wanting to start your own cafe, I would be free entertainment for your cafe anytime you wanted!"

"Don't tease me about this Jisung, you know I'm serious about this cafe. I'm literally waiting on the owners to call me back any day now about whether they're going to sell to me or not."

"I'm serious Ginger! I will keep that promise to you! Please just ...think about it. I wouldn't leave until the 21st, which just so happens to be when the shop is closing anyway!" He waggled his eyebrows, "And we'll only be there for a couple days before Christmas so we can get it over with quick... 5 nights max, then we'd come back home."

Ginger worried her bottom lip between her teeth."... I'll think about it. Can I tell you tomorrow if I want to do it or not?"

"Yes!" Jisung slapped his hand on the bar. "Thank you! Okay, I'm going to head out and leave you to think about it...but I will see you tomorrow." He winked as he grabbed his laptop and Americano before leaving. Ginger groaned internally, what had she gotten herself into?

The rest of Ginger's day flew by before she closed up for the evening She stopped by her favorite Chinese food place to grab dinner. Making it back to her apartment she took a quick shower, put on cozy clothes and then dug into her Chinese food.

.

.

She grabbed a piece of paper and in between bites of her sweet and sour pork she wrote down pros and cons to being Jisungs fake girlfriend.

Pros

1. Free holiday trip

2. All the perks of being a girlfriend without any of the responsibility

3. Free live entertainment for your future cafe

4. might be fun?

Cons

1. Having to be a fake girlfriend

2. Not having free entertainment for your future cafe

3. Not getting a free holiday trip

4. Might be miserable from lying

The pros and cons were bleak, leaving Ginger to ponder while she finished her dinner. By the time she had finished eating she still hadn't been able to decide which way to go. This led her to go digging into her junk drawer in the kitchen to find a quarter. She decided to let fate decide.

"Okay, heads I go... Tails I stay... "Ginger took a deep breath before flipping the coin up in the air. She let it land in her hand and then smacked the kitchen counter. Slowly she pulled her hand away.

Heads.

.

.

The car ride to his hometown was long but it was filled with lots of car karaoke which was fun. When Ginger had told Jisung she accepted his offer hat next morning at the coffee shop he literally threw his fist in the air like Bender from the Breakfast Club in the closing scene. He was standing in the coffee line getting crazy looks from the customers behind him. He had immediately texted his mom and his friend Chan while he was there to tell them they were both coming for Christmas.

He picked her up the morning of the 21st and they were off. Jisung had done some quick Christmas shopping for his family and gotten everybody something. Ginger wanted to be helpful so she made her apple cider donut cake to bring along. If there was one thing she knew, the best way to win people over was through their stomachs.

With only a few hours left in their trip Jisung turned the music down. "So we should probably figure out our dating story. We may be in for an interrogation from my family...they were already texting me questions about you."

Ginger stomach rolled, now that she was here on her way to Jisungs hometown the nerves were hitting. "Oh god...okay...let's see...I think we should stick to the truth to make it easier for us. Cause what if we get separated? We don't want to tell two different stories."

"How do we tell the truth? This is all one big lie." Jisung asked. Ginger wanted to slap his adorable cheek for not helping her nerves.

"I mean yeah, it is a lie, but like...we met at the coffee shop 3 years ago. That's true. Our first date can be....that Post Malone concert we went to! That was really the first thing we went and did together outside of going to the bar and your gigs." Ginger was going to be better at this than she thought.

"Thank God youre the brains of the operation, this is coming together." Jisung jokes sending a smirk Gingers way. She shook her head and nudged his shoulder playfully.

"Atleast one of us has a brain." She fired back.

Jisung laughed before continuing, "Ok we met at the coffee shop, our first date was the Post Malone concert... Hm, how long should we say we've been together? Cuz dating versus being together are two different things."

"Well...how long have you been telling them lies about seeing someone?" Ginger proded.

"Uhhhh....for like 2 years."

"Jisung!" Ginger slapped his arm playfully. "You're awful!!!"

"I know! I know! I'm sorry! I just...like working? I don't know, I just don't ever care about going home. So we atleast gotta be dating for 2 years."

"Okay, we met 3 years ago at the cafe, we casually dated (aka all our hangout sessions) then we got serious 2 years ago." Ginger summarized. "Who asked who?"

"Oh definitely you, you're the decisive one, I'm too indecisive. You asked me to make it official for sure."

They finished planning out their fake dating timeline and got back to listening to music. Just as they passed city limits the sun was starting to go down. By the time they got to Jisungs parents house it was completely dark. His parents lived off the main road tucked away in the trees. A gravel road wound a path to the 2 story house in the woods. Several cars were parked out front, all of Jisungs family from cousins, aunt, uncles, to grandparents were here. Ginger had made Jisung help her memorize names before they got there. She might be a fake girlfriend but she was going to be the best fake girlfriend there ever was.

Parking his truck he asked "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be dear." Ginger teased. Inside her stomach was doing backflips but on the outside she was keeping it together.

They got out of the car and started getting their bags from the backseat. Ginger grabbed her cake, making sure to grab the one thing that could help her first impression. They left the Christmas presents for his family, they'd get them later. Before they could even make it up the sidewalk to the wrap around porch the front door was opening and people were pouring out, all with excited faces.

"Jisung! My baby is home!" An older woman wrapped Jisung into a huge warm bear hug.

"Hi mom." He softly said and embraced her back. Her eyes fell on Ginger quickly and she was pulling herself off Jisung leaving him to greet his dad and siblings.

"You must be Ginger!" Mrs. Han embraced Ginger quickly before pulling away "We're so excited to finally meet the mysterious significant other who keeps our Jisung away all the time." It was a little backhanded but Ginger honestly couldn't blame her. Jisung had set her up for a rough job. Good thing being the significant other meant goading your partner from time to time.

"Mrs. Han it's so wonderful to finally meet you." Ginger has sat her bag down and grabbed one if Mrs. Hans hands, playing up the dramatics "I am so sorry it's taken 2 years for us to meet. I...I have no family and I'm not well versed in family dynamics... I always told Jisung to come and see you all for the holidays but he never wanted me to be alone. He's...he's helped me see the beauty in family and I'm really excited to have a family Christmas for the first time in almost a decade. Thank you for opening up your home to me. I can't wait to get to know every single one if you." The soft sincere eyes were turned on, really selling the act. Mrs. Han immediately pulled Ginger back in for a second hug.

"Oh my dear, I had no idea, Jisungs never shared anything with us...We're going to make sure this Christmas is extra special." Mrs. Han released Ginger and asked if she could help carry anything.

"I brought my apple cider donut cake for everyone. " Ginger offered her the cake to carry.

"That sounds divine! It won't last long I'm sure."

"Quick introductions," Jisung slid in by Ginger as they made their way onto the porch. "Ginger you met my mom, this is my dad, that's my sister Lina, these are my cousins Johnny, Mark, Haechan, Seulgi and Wendy. My aunt Tae and my Uncle Gon, my aunt Stacy and Uncle Jack, my Grandma Betty, and last but not least the family dog Bbama."

Ginger swallowed hard "N-nice to meet you all." That was a lot of people and Jisung wasn't lying when he said his family was big. They all greeted her with hugs and smiles before filing back into he house.

"Im sure that drive was long and y'all are ready to settle in. Let's take your bags upstairs. Everyone can start getting to know each other later." Mrs Han dropped the cake off in the kitchen first and then led the way up the stairs with Jisung and Ginger following behind.

"Here we are!" Mrs. Han led then into a spacious guest room with a joining bathroom. It was decorated in gray and white and was very cozy. "You both can get cleaned up and relax for a little bit, I'm going to get dinner started. Come down whenever and grab a bite if you'd like."

Mrs Han stopped by Jisung and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm so happy you're here." she then headed to Ginger. She reached out and gently squeezed her arm giving her a warm smile and nod before leaving then to themselves. Ginger may have put on an act to sway Mrs Han just a few minutes ago but there was definitely some truth to her not having any family. They were estranged, Ginger hadn't dealt with them in years. Christmas wasnt a time spent with family for her, it was usually spent laying around getting to be lazy and not being bothered by anybody. So this was definitely a different pace for her.

Jisung had a very tight knit family and they obviously cared about him a lot since they were always eager for him to come back home and spend time with them. Even if he was hard-headed and put his career above everything else they were still asking about his life, checking up on him, and inviting him to thing's. Ginger couldn't help but wonder what that felt like to have people who cared like that.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick." Ginger left her bags by the bed and locked herself in the bathroom for a moment. She wanted to clear her head. She braced herself against the bathroom counter and looked into the mirror. First meeting went pretty good, she thought to herself. Now just the rest of Christmas to go.

.

.

Jisung hadn't thought a lot about anything past getting to his parents. But now standing in the guest room looking at the queen bed against the wall he quickly realized that he might not have thought this plan through entirely.

They hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements.

He decided that he would just sleep on the floor and she could sleep on the bed. He knew where the linen closet was and he went to grab extra blankets to make himself a pallet. Getting on his knees he spread out he blankets and built his makeshift bed.

"What are you doing?" Ginger asked, her eyebrows ruffled together. She had come out of the bathroom to an odd site of Han on his knees making a...nest? on the floor.

"Well I figured you could sleep in the bed.. and I'll sleep on the floor." Han broke out into a cold sweat, suddenly nervous talking about the sleeping arrangements.

Ginger flushed realizing that they hadn't talked about the sleeping arrangements at all. They were in a fake 2 year relationship. Of course his family would think they were sleeping together.

"What if somebody comes in our room and sees you sleeping on the floor? That's weird right? Operation fake girlfriend could be sabotaged." Ginger didn't want to make things worse for him or herself. "I mean ...Why can't we both just sleep in the bed? There's plenty of room." Ginger didn't really have any reservations about staying here with him alone... in a bed... inside his parents house. She internally groaned at herself. "Sleeping in a bed isn't all that much different from when we fall asleep on my couch while watching a movie, right? You'll have your side and I'll have mine." Ginger used rational thoughts to justify it, trying to half convince herself that she wasn't a little embarrassed about the situation.

"You're sure?" Jisung asked, unsure about the whole thing himself. He was sweating bullets at this point. Falling asleep on the couch was one thing but laying next to each other in bed was another.

"I'm positive. Stop making your bird's nest and let's unpack." She tried some humor to ease the tension. At least tried to.

He shook his head and began picking up the blankets and folding them to take back to the linen closet. Ginger had grabbed her suitcase and began sorting through her stuff.

"You're absolutely sure?" Jisung asked one more time pausing at the door before he took the blankets back to the linen closet.

"YES!" Ginger threw a pair of socks at him as he darted out the door.

"Okay!!!" He laughed as he walked down the hall. This is fine, Jisung. He thought to himself, trying to not be bothered by the thought of laying in bed with Ginger, but somehow he was finding himself very bothered... specifically hot and bothered.

They had finished unpacking and Ginger was so nervous she wasn't hungry so she stayed in their room while Jisung went and grabbed food downstairs. She ended up taking a bubble bath thinking it would ease some of her anxiety. Jisung was on the other end of the spectrum, not nervous at all and was stuffing his face with his mom's famous macaroni and cheese.

.

.

He wound up staying downstairs and talking late into the night with everyone. Catching up on years of missed family events. Jisung felt a little shitty hearing about everyone's milestones and having not been around to see it all himself. Everyone was sitting around the living room in various spots while Christmas music softly played from his parents old vinyl record player that was in the corner.

"Well you know what our plans are for Christmas eve and you're going to Chans on Christmas day, what are you and Ginger wanting to do the rest of the time your here?" Hans mother asked as she came back with a tray full of hot chocolates for everyone.

"Well....I actually have two shows at the bar in town....if you guys wanna come?" He asked grabbing one of the hot mugs from the tray. "There's one tomorrow and the night after."

"We can actually see you perform for once!?" His dad perked up from his spot by the fireplace. "Count me in!"

"And me!"

"Yeah, me too!"

"Can we maybe go ice skating? Like we used to when we were kids?" Jisungs sister Lina asked.

All of his family was so excited to see him play and that made him feel even more shitty. He didn't share any of his life with them. He didn't send pictures, he didn't send videos. Nothing. They probably hadn't seen him perform since he was in high school.

"Alright what else are we gonna do the next couple of days?"

"Yes! Absolutely!!!" Jisung was way to excited about that one. They would go ice skating alot when he was growing up. He had been pretty good at it too.

"We gotta go to the gingerbread village too. All the Christmas lights are so pretty." Jisungs cousin Seulgi spoke up.

"Can we go to the brewery? Cause as much as I love the idea of ice skating and Christmas lights, I like beer more." Jisungs cousin Johnny chimed in.

Jisungs family planned out 2 days jam packed with things they were going to do. For Christmas Eve the family was planning to do dinner and open presents after. Christmas morning they would have breakfast and chill out all day long, except for Ginger and Jisung since they were going to Chans for dinner. They had 4 days to keep their fake relationship charade going. So far so good.

Jisung found himself yawning after hours of talking with his family. Ginger had never come downstairs so he figured she must have gone to bed.

"I think I'm gunna go head to bed, Ginger probably already passed." Jisung stood up and stretched.

"Okay honey," Jisungs mom got up to hug him "I'll have breakfast ready in the morning at 9, I'm sure she'll be starving."

Everybody told him goodnight as he headed back upstairs. Once upstairs he opened the bedroom door as softly as he could. The night stand lamp was on, casting a warm glow around the room. Ginger was curled up in bed sleeping peacefully. She had been reading a book but it was now laying flat on her chest. She was sleeping in some black white plaid flannel pajamas and that made Jisung stop in his tacks.

Pajamas.

He didn't bring pajamas! HE WAS AN IDIOT. He normally slept naked, it was only him in his apartment, he didn't have anything to worry about. He packed his bag like he was some bachelor without a care in the world. This is what he got for not thinking about the sleeping arrangement beforehand. He only had jeans, no sweatpants, no nothing....he had boxers...he'd sleep in his boxers.

He got ready for bed, taking time in the bathroom to pull himself together. This was fine. Ginger and him had been to a few pool parties over the summers. They'd seen each other in swim suits. Swim trunks and boxers weren't too different. He opened the bathroom door and expected to find Ginger still in bed sleeping.

"Jisung!" She squeaked. She was standing on the other side of the door with her hand raised about to knock. Ginger took in the site of Jisungs broud chest and lean muscled arms. She had woken up because she has to use the bathroom. She was half awake about to knock on the door, not expecting to find a naked Jisung surprising her.

"Ginger! Shit I'm sorry! I- You see- The thing- It's not-" he stumbled over every thought he kept trying to say. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I forgot pajamas." He said flatly.

She couldn't help but face palm herself. "Well...okay then." She couldn't even think straight with Jisung standing here. Her eyes traveled his body, noticing how his trim waist had the delicious "V" leading into his boxer briefs that were molded to his skin, cupping him snuggly, leaving little to the imagination. They had seen each other before. She knew what he looked like shirtless, but... This was different. She'd always found Jisung attractive. He had a stunning smile, his jawline was devastatingly handsome, and his body was....to be blunt, it was sinful. They might have been friends only but she wasn't blind. He was hot.

"See, I should have kept making my damn nest earlier. This is getting weird for you and-"

"Jisung." Ginger interrupted

"Yeah?" He said softly, neither of them had moved an inch since he opened the door.

"It's fine. I need to pee and then I wanna go back to bed. It's no big deal. So if you can get out, I'd appreciate it." Ginger wiped the sleep from her eyes and waited for Jisung to move so she could enter the bathroom. "We're adults. I know what anatomy you have, you know what I have. Big deal." She played it off. Ginger shut the bathroom door leaving Jisung standing in his underwear.

Little did he know that on the other side of that bathroom door, Ginger was having horribly dirty thoughts about the large bulge that she just saw. She leaned her head against the door pulling herself together.

Jisung had crawled into bed and was curled up on his side facing away from Gingers side of the bed. After coming out of the bathroom she got in and did the same, putting their backs against each other.

"Goodnight..." She said quietly

"Ginger you look beautiful!" Mrs. Han complimented as Ginger came into the kitchen. Everyone was getting ready to head to the bar to see Jisung play. After a very restless night of sleep knowing that mere inches from her Jisung was practically naked Ginger had gotten up early and made herself some coffee. Mrs. Han was the next to be up and that led to Ginger helping her make breakfast for everyone. They played a game of get to know one another while it was just the two of them in the kitchen. Ginger found Jisungs mom to be such a sweet woman. She was practically perfect, like a TV mom. Ginger learned more about Jisung as a teenager from Mrs Han. They decided to keep all the embarrassing stories their little secrets. Soon everyone trickled down into the kitchen and began to eat. After breakfast they had a a jam packed day planned with activities. One being ice skating. Ginger just so happened to be awful at ice skating. Jisung on the other hand was practically an Olympic ice skater. After falling down multiple times Ginger was ready to call it a day and just go watch everyone from the sidelines but Jisung wouldn't let her. He pulled her back out onto the ice and held her hand for balance. He talked her through it and after an hour of his teachings she was finally able to skate without falling and stop when she needed to.

"Goodnight." He replied back.

.

.

The whole family had headed home afterwards to get cleaned up and eat dinner before heading to the bar for Jisungs show that night. Jisung had gone early to set up and do soundcheck. He insisted Ginger stayed with his family and come to the bar when they came. His set started at 930 so it was about time to leave.

"Thank you Mrs Han." Ginger blushed, grateful for the kind compliment.

"Ride with us Ginger!" Jisungs sister Lina clung onto Gingers arm. "Let's go!" She ushered her out the door with everyone else following. They loaded up into their cars and headed into town. Lina drove and made Ginger sit shotgun.

"So I have to say, I've never seen Jisung act this way before, the way he acts around you...he's...light hearted...happier."

"Oh!" Ginger was a little stunned. "I guess I only know one version of Jisung. I'm sure you guys know him better than me."

"Maybe I'm saying this wrong" Lina chuckled, "What I'm meaning is I've never seen my brother in love.... it's nice to see him happy. So, thank you for making him happy."

"He....makes me happy too." Gingers stomach was full of butterflies. Did Jisung care for her? In more than a friend way? The rest of the car ride was small chat but Ginger couldn't help but keep thoughts of Jisung in the back of her mind.

Once at the bar they had to put a few tables together to have one big enough to seat them all together. They all got drinks and waited for Jisungs set. The bar was decorated with Christmas decor, it was cute. Ginger didn't know what to expect once they got into town but it was quant. Lina had even pointed out Jisungs old hangouts and told her more embarrassing stories from his childhood to add to Gingers ever growing vault of hilarious Jisung stories to bring up to him in the future.

"Good evening everybody!" A familiar voice came over the speakers. Jisung had come on stage and slipped his guitar over his head. "I'm Han Jisung, I see a lot of familiar faces from highschool out there, so you might remember me. I had a guitar strapped to me back then and obviously not much has changed!" The audience chuckled with his corny joke. "Let's all have a good time tonight!" He led right into his set and didn't stop playing for over an hour. Ginger had seen Jisung play tons of times before but each time she was always amazed at his voice. She sung along the whole time, enjoying every second of seeing him in his element. Jisung played a few slow songs and and each time the dance floor filled up with couples who slow danced, swaying to the music.

"Let's go dance!" Haechan, Jisungs cousin, held his hand out for Ginger to take as the next slow song came on. Ginger took him up on the offer, putting her hand in his. He twirled her once on the dance floor before placing her hands on his shoulders and letting his hands rest on her waist. She hadn't slow danced with anybody in a long time. It felt strange to be held in somebody's arms like this. Her last relationship was years ago and she just fooled around every now again. Nothing romantic. As they swayed and turned, Jisung came into view over Haechan's shoulder. Their eyes locked and the corner of Jisungs mouth turned up. That beautiful smile that could make your stomach flip. Ginger found herself suddenly wishing that Ryan was Jisung instead. She thought of the lean muscled arms that she saw last night while standing in the bathroom doorway wrapping around her holding her close, how it would feel to laynher head on his muscled chest...The song ended and so did Gingers day dream about Jisung. Reality crashing a little too hard for her liking.

The rest of the night flew by. Jisung finished his set and his family decided to head back to the house. Ginger decided to stay and wait for Jisung as he finished packing his equipment. She found a seat at the bar. Pulling out her phone she got distracted by her Instagram feed, seeing all the things everybody was doing for the holidays.

A shrill laugh drew Gingers attention, she turned to see what was happening. Jisung was leaning against the wall talking to a blonde haired girl. She was laughing at something he said. She took advantage of the moment and reached out to touch Jisungs arm. It wasn't a friendly touch either. It was one of those flirty touches. To test the waters, see how far she could push the boundaries, check if he's interested kind of touches. Jisung leaned in closer to this girl and Ginger decided she had seen enough, she didn't want to see more. She quickly slipped on her jacket and headed to wait by the car. The icy winter air that hit her as soon as she stepped outside helped cool her off. Why was she feeling so....jealous? This was her best guy friend. She had seen him flirt with girls before. Why did it bother her now?

.

.

"I'm tired. Ready to go to bed." She stared out the window at the houses passing by. She couldn't enjoy the beautiful Christmas lights for all the frustration she was feeling towards Jisung. Unwarranted frustration, but frustration none the less. Jisung didn't ask anything more the rest of the way back to his parents. Once they arrived, Ginger headed directly upstairs.

The car ride home was awkward. Jisung had come out of the bar to find her by his truck. It was freezing outside and he was confused as to why she hadn't waited inside for him. When he asked her why, she was short with him.

Jisung watched as she climbed the stairs without a word. He was hoping they could stay up and watch a movie or something but he figured that was off the table now. Hopefully tomorrow Ginger would feel better he thought to himself as he walked into the kitchen. His stomach growled as he opened the fridge searching for something to tie him over.

"Hey! You're back!" Jisung peaked over the fridge door to see his cousin Johnny. He must have come downstairs for the same reason Jisung was there. They both ended up raiding the fridge and made them a spread of late night snacks.

"You'll never believe who I ran into after the show." Jisung said as they started digging in.

"Who?"

"Penny freakin Peterson." Jisung laughed

"Oh God Jisung not Penny Peterson!" Ryan shook his head and laughed. "She was the worst girlfriend you ever had in highschool, she was so much drama."

"Ugh, I could slap 16 year old Jisung. My idiot brain only cared that she was the hottest girl in school."

"Well Ginger is perfect for you. 16 year old Jisung can be forgiven for being an idiot, he figured it out eventually."

"Y-yeah, she's really amazing." Jisung couldn't help but think back to earlier at the bar. He was singing one of his slow songs for the night and Haechan had asked Ginger to dance. Seeing her dance with another man made him feel...odd inside. He found himself wishing it was him swaying to the music with Ginger in the dim bar lights with all the tacky Christmas decorations.

"Yall have been together for two years, you thought about...you know... marriage?"

Jisung choked on the mouthful of food he had just shoveled in. Coughing he finally caught his breathe.

"Uh-no." He squeaked out "Not exactly. We're not in any rush I guess you could say."

"Hey, that's okay too, I was just curious." Johnny chuckled. "Don't stress about it" he patted Jisung on the back. "Imma go back to bed but I'll see ya tomorrow for all the other Christmas shenanigans they're gunna drag us to. Goodnight man!

"G'night!" Jisung finished off his snack and put their dishes in the sink before heading upstairs to bed himself.

"Knock knock!" Lina poked her head in the door. "How ya feelin?"

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.

Ginger had woken up the next morning saying she didn't feel well. It was a lie but it was part of her plan. She had decided the less time spent with the Han family the better. She just needed to make it 3 more days and she'd be back home. She wouldn't be playing fake girlfriend, she wouldnt be laying in bed next to an almost naked Jisung every night, she wouldn't be making friendship's with Jisungs family, she'd be back in the comfort of her own home, all alone, where her heart couldn't be potentially broken-and she'd have her bottle of rum for company! Lina being the angel she was, had decided to stay at the house with her all day, despite Ginger begging her to go with her family.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for checking on me." Ginger had been watching videos on her phone trying to distract herself but it wasn't working. She kept thinking about that girl at the bar last night and how Jisung had leaned down. What had he said that made her laugh so much? Did he like her? Ginger mentally scolded herself, she was the fake girlfriend, she shouldn't care. Why did she care so much?

"She alive still?" Ginger heard Jisungs voice out in the hall. Lina opened the door the rest of the way as Jisung approached.

"I've taken good care of her all day. She's still alive." Lina joked moving out of the way as Jisung came into their shared bedroom.

"Hey" Jisung sat on the edge of the bed. "You feeling better? You wanna come to he bar tonight?"

"I don't know..." Ginger toyed with the sting of her hoodie nervously.

"Johnny said Penny Peterson was there last night." Lina spoke up while laughing

"Ugh, that was so weird. She's still shallow and pretentious. You should have heard the crap she was saying! I faked being nauseous just to get away from her."

Ginger remembered seeing Jisung lean down. He must have been fake heaving. Not leaning down to get closer to Penny, but leaning over to pretend being sick.

"Penny Peterson?" Ginger asked "The Penny from the sweater incident when you were a kid?"

"Yeah!! That's the one!" Lina started laughing. "Jisung dated her in high school and oh boy, was that ever a hot mess."

"I was an idiot! I know! She got bored and broke up with me after a few months, thank goodness!" Jisung rubbed his face. "Being an idiot was kind of my forte as a kid."

"I noticed." Ginger giggled. Relief washed over her knowing he wasn't flirting with this girl from the bar. She then got mad at herself for missing out on a fun day with him and his family over a dumb misunderstanding.

"You faked being nauseous, you mad bastard, that's genius!" Lina was laughing so hard she clutched onto he doorway.

"I think I do want to go to the bar tonight." Ginger spoke up. Jisung who had been laughing with Lina immediately perked up at the prospect of having Ginger come to his second show.

"Really!?" He didn't want her to push herself to far. "If it's too much don't worry."

This time Ginger got ready and left with Jisung. He went to set up and do a quick soundcheck. She held a table for his family while she waited for them to arrive. It was the day before Christmas Eve and the bar was busier than Ginger expected.

"No I want to, I think I was just really worn out from ice skating yesterday. Ive rested all day, I'm feeling much better." One more lie couldn't hurt at this point. He didn't need to know she had been jealous.

.

.

"Holy shit! If it isn't ol' squirrely himself!" A booming voice drew Gingers attention up from her phone screen. A broad shouldered guy in a leather jacket was up near the small stage talking to Jisung. A girl was with him, she had her arm looped around his. So they must be together.

"I see you're still hooked on nicknames Binnie." Jisung stepped off the stage and gave him a quick hug. "Kandi, you and Binnie finally make the love connection, huh?" Jisung elbowed the girl in the side playfully. I bet Chan is loving it! Took you two dumbasses long enough!"

"Yeah, yeah, apparently everybody else got the memo before us, but we finally got it, okay!" She rolled her eyes laughing along with Jisung. "We heard through the grapevine you were performing tonight, we wanted to come and see."

"My whole family should be here soon, you guys wanna sit with them? My girlfriend is saving a table for everyone."

Hearing Jisung say 'my girlfriend' made Gingers heart tighten. She found herself liking it more than she should. Jisung turned and made eye contact with Ginger, shooting her a dazzling smile as he pulled his friends over. They all made introductions and soon we're engrossed in conversation about Jisung and him growing up here. Gingers book of tales about Jisung kept growing. First his mom, then his sister, and now from his friends.

"Then he had to stay home from school for 3 days and take baths in tomato juice. We made him ride in the back of my old truck all the way home." Changbin slapped the table as he laughed

"So that's why he hates skunks so much!" Ginger had finally figured out Jisungs hatred for skunks. Him and his friends had gone camping one time and a skunk decided to pay Jisung a visit in his tent. It obviously didn't go well. Soon Jisungs family arrived and the reunion between Changbin and them commenced. Jisung squeezed Gingers shoulder, smiling down at her when she turned in his direction. With a quick wink he left the table and headed back up to the stage to get ready and play his set.

Apparently Changbin had been away for the past 6 years so it was a pretty big deal that he was here. Him and Kandi were obviously pretty smitten with one another. They held hands, Kandi would trace the pattern of Changbins hand tattoo every little bit. He would watch her when she wasn't looking, you could see how much he loved her just by how he looked at her. The longing that she felt in her gut told Ginger that she wanted that too.

The same as the night before, Jisung threw in some slow songs and Ginger watched all the couples swaying to the music. The bar was even more crowded tonight so if you wanted a drink you had to go get it from the bartender. Ginger had finished her first drink and decided to get a second one. She left the table, making her way to the bar. Placing her order she waited patiently.

"Yeah I slid in his DMs last night. He wants me. Definitely going to seal the deal tonight." Ginger overhead the conversation beside her and noticed a familiar blonde head facing away from her. "Jisung came home for the holidays so I'm going to give him a very Merry Christmas."

Gingers stomach rolled. Her head filled with thoughts of all the things Jisung had said about this Penny person. Was he lying? Ginger and him were in a fake relationship, he could talk to anybody he wanted to. He didn't answer to her. But why did it hurt so bad knowing he was talking to this other girl? Ginger got her drink and headed back to the table. Everybody was enamoured by the show but she was practically a ghost sitting in her chair, she didn't want to interact with anybody. She just needed to make it to the end and then make it back to Jisungs parents. She didn't wanna be in the same room as Jisung or Penny.

Jisung was almost finished with his last song. Ginger excused herself to the bathroom. She was so uncomfortable she was practically crawling out of her skin. This had been a horrible idea. It started out harmless but obviously Ginger had stronger feelings for Jisung than she ever realized. She mae her way to the girls bathroom and once inside locked the door. She needed a moment, she was so overwhelmed by all these new feelings.

She stood in front of the sink and looked into the mirror, it had a string of silver garland hung over it. She stared at herself contemplating what she was doing, what she was feeling, everything that was making her stomach roll. She could hear Jisungs set finish and soon people were knocking on the bathroom door.

"Occupied!" She called out. Not sure if she could even face Jisung right now if she went out there.

"Move! Move I said!" A loud voice could be heard outside.

"excuse you!?" Somebody sassed back at the voice.

"Excuse yourself!" A voice got louder and louder outside the bathroom door until BANG BANG BANG

"Ginger it's Kandi! Open up!"

Ginger flinched. Not expecting such an aggressive entrance. Ginger unlocked the door and let Kandi in quickly. "Hurry up in there!" Somebody called out. Kandi ignored it and locked the door behind them.

"What's going on? Your whole mood shifted earlier. I wanted to make sure you were ok." Ginger leaned against the door watching Ginger as she rung her hands.

"It's a complicated story..." Ginger didn't know Kandi very well and she didn't want to blow the whole charade.

"Look, if anybody gets complicated, it's me. My dumb ass let the love of my life slip through my fingers for 6 years. I literally don't know what the hell I'm doing but at least I'm with him now." Kandi smiled a soft smile, "we may not be friends....yet that is...but I would love to be here for you if your upset over something."

Ginger felt like Kandi was a safe person to open up to "Well...I think Jisung and Penny Peterson have something going on....she was talking at the bar and I heard her say she was in his DMs and him and her were going to..." Her voice cracked and tears sprang to her eyes but she held them back.

"What!" Kandi's voice was shrill, "No way, Jisung can't stand her! No way in hell! That bitch is crazy, I just put her in her place the other night for talking shit about Binnie, ohhhhhh she is messing with the wrong crowd, I swear-"

BANG BANG BANG somebody else knocked on the door.

"Hey everything ok?" Jisungs deep voice ringing out.

"Talk to him, Penny is a psycho snake. Jisung would never want anything to do with her. You guys talk and me.... I'm gunna go pay Penny Peterson another visit." Kandi unlocked the door and slowly opened it. "She's all yours squirrely."

"Some of us need to use the restroom!" A girl complained in line.

"Then use the men's!" Kandi barked as she let Jisung in and walked back down the hall.

"What's up?" Jisung locked the door behind him and then gave his full attention to Ginger.

"I- I don't know Jisung. Things are... different now. I feel... different." Ginger felt Jisungs eyes on her but she was too nervous to make eye contact with him.

"Things are different how?" He pressed, stepping closer to Ginger. She still didn't dare look at him.

"When I decided to play your fake girlfriend, I thought this would be easy. We've been friends for so long...and maybe that's part of the problem. We've been friends for so long that I never said anything, never tested the waters, I never pushed to see if maybe....just maybe there was something more than friendship here. But you have your life, you want to be single, I know that, you have every right to talk to Penny, you can do whatever you want, you don't answer to me. I'm an idiot for ruining our friendship with my feelings, I don't-"

Ginger couldn't even finish her sentence before Jisung had closed the distance between them and was tilting Gingers chin up to meet his gaze. "Ginger, I have no feelings for anybody other than you. So if you're ruining out friendship with your feelings, then I'm ruining it too." Their eyes searching each other's. "Let's ruin it together." He said before snatched her lips with his. Ginger melted into him instantly. All her nerves and anxiety falling away. His arms slid around her waist. He had thought about how it would feel to run his hands over her hips, to feel the sway of them under his palms. It was better than he had ever imagined.

Jisung was solid and Ginger wrapped her arms around his neck to pull herself as close to him as possible. The kiss started soft and sensual but grew heated and urgent as Jisung nipped at Gingers bottom lip. She gasped as his hands found purchase on her ass and squeezed.

"You feel so good under my fingers baby girl." He whispered, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against hers. There was a loud crash and a bunch of commotion outside in the bar but it didn't phase Jisung or Ginger. Jisung chuckled ignoring whatever it was and found Gingers lips again, searing the feel of them into his memory. Jisung slowly walked backwards, taking Ginger with him, until he was leaning against the wall behind them. Using the hand that's were still cupping Gingers ass he pressed her into him. She couldn't get close enough though, she felt like she needed more and more. She let Jisungs leg slip between hers, she pressed herself into him, the friction only fanning the already building fire. Her hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck as her hips bucked against him grinding her core on his firm muscled thigh.

"Ginger..." Jisung said breathily , "Do that again and you're going to be in trouble." His eyes danced with mischief. Ginger couldn't help herself. She rolled her hips against his leg, her own breath hitching in her throat.

"Alright baby girl, looks like you want to cause trouble." Jisung leaned down to nuzzle against Gingers neck. He nipped and kissed his way back to her mouth. Using his hands he rocked her hips against his leg while he tensed and flexed his thigh muscles. Ginger got closer and closer to coming undone.

"Jisung please, I need you, I need you now." Ginger was a whining mess in his arms and he wasn't going to stop while he was ahead. He quickly switched them around so she was pressed into the wall with Jisung boxing her in. Ginger had worn a thin sweater dress and Jisung was more than happy about that choice. He quickly freed himself from his pants, but he wasn't going to rush into this. Sliding his hand down over Gingers hip and down her leg so he could hook her one leg around his hip. He slid his other hand to her center and moved her soaked panties out of the way so he could tease her. She was making all sorts of delicious whimpers at his every touch. Her slick folds telling him she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He pulled his hand from her sopping cunt and licked each finger clean. Ginger watching him, thinking she could cum from just that sight alone.

"You want me baby girl?" He asked teasingly. He wanted to here the words fall from her lips again.

"Yes, please Jisung."

"Hold tight baby." With Gingers arms around Jisungs neck and him still holding her one leg around his hip, he quickly picked her up to wrap the other leg around him as well. He pressed her against the wall, lining himself up with her dripping core and entered her slowly. Each inch that she slid down was heaven and hell. Ginger begging him for more spurred Jisung on. Once Ginger was seated fully on his cock he pulled out and entered her in one smooth motion. They both moaned in unison, the overwhelming pleasure washing over them.

"You okay baby girl?' Jisung breathed before moving any further. Jisung was about to bust just being sheathed inside of her but didn't want to move till she was ready. Ginger took a few deep breathes and adjusted to him before speaking.

"I'll be better once you fuck me senseless."

"Your wish is my command." Jisung slid out and pistoned into her. The angle making sinful friction against Gingers clit and his length hitting her most sensitive spot with each thrust. Moans spilled from Gingers lips as Jisung claimed her as his. His ego being stroked knowing that if anybody heard them, it was him making her moan. It was his name falling from her lips and nobody else's.

"Baby I'm not gunna last much longer, you feel too damn good." Jisung placed wet sloppy kisses against her neck.

"I'm so close, don't stop." She pleaded. Jisung set a punishing pace, his grip on Ginger would definitely leave marks. She was so close to tipping over the edge the room was spinning. "Jisung!" She clawed his shoulders as she came, crying out. A few more choppy pumps and Jisung was spilling into her. He rested his head on her shoulder, keeping himself buried in her for a moment. After a few minutes if them both catching their breath, Jisung deciding to finally move. He slowly let one of Gingers legs down and eased out if her. He got her feet back underneath her before fixing her ruined panties back in place and then he fixed his own pants. She adjusted her dress and then used the mirror to fix her smudged makeup. Coming up behind her Jisung wrapped his arms around Ginger and nipped at her neck.

"I hope you know that's only round one baby girl, just wait till we get back to our bed."

Ginger almost melted at the 'our bed'. She leaned back into Jisung, "I'm going to hold you to it."

BANG BANG BANG, a loud knock on the door making them jump.

"Hey guys? Uh, Kandi ripped Penny Petersons extensions out so uh, I think we're gunna go but y'all keep having fun! See ya Christmas day at Chans!" Changbin yelled through the door. They both bust out laughing. That definitely explained what the loud commotion was earlier. Ginger definitely liked Kandi.

"I think it's ....Gingers turn to open her presents!" Lina had just finished opening her presents and in true Han family fashion they had a tradition for that too. Lina picked Ginger to be the next one to go. Ginger had two boxes in front of her.

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.

"Which should be opened first?" She asked, neither box had a tag on them as to who they were from.

"I think you should open the big one first." Lina chimed in. She seemed a little too excited about this.

Ginger ripped the wrapping paper off, she lifted the lid and folded back the red tissue paper. Inside was a beautiful apron with her name "Ginger" embroidered across the top.

"It's so beautiful!" She pulled it out admiring the stitching.

"Sewed with love." Mrs. Han spoke up.

"You made this?" Ginger was shocked.

"I did, I hope you like it."

Ginger jumped up and hugged Mrs. Han, she would definitely treasure this forever.

"Thank you, I love it so much." She wiped a tear away before anyone could see. Returning back to her spot on the couch beside Jisung she grabbed the smaller box.

"That one is from me." Jisung spoke up.

Ginger smiled at him, excited to see what was inside. She pulled the paper off and slowly lifted the lid. She dug into the tissue paper hiding the surprise inside. Her fingers touched something smooth and she pulled it out. Dangling in her hand was a keychain. A key on one end and on the other was one of those old hotel room style keychains. It was pink and in a scrolling font read "Gingersnap's Cafe" .

"I-Is this...a key...to the old cafe downtown?"

"It is." Jisung was so calm, while Ginger on the other hand was spiraling.

"Jisung...are you saying... it's mine?"

"It's yours baby."

Ginger turned to look at him in disbelief. "B-but how did you know before me?! They haven't even told me!"

"Well...there's perks to being friends with the previous owner. I may have called in a favor so I could surprise you on Christmas."

Ginger had tears in her eyes and she couldn't stop smiling. She threw herself in his arms and hugged him tight. "Thank you." It came out a broken whisper as the tears started falling.

"The whole family is going to come down and see it when you have your grand opening." Lina spoke up. "You'll be putting that new apron to work I'm sure."

The whole family. Ginger let the tears fall freely now. They were happy tears though. Her heart had never felt more full and complete. She had Jisung, she had gotten her cafe, and she was lucky enough to get the family she had always wanted.

"Merry Christmas Ginger" Jisung kissed her cheek softly

"Merry Christmas Jisung."

A Very Merry Skzmas Masterlist

Thank you so much for reading! Hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday Season!

[flameontheotherside]

Erik's Mom

🤔 Hmmm...Never really given her much thought recently until now. I've sent a couple emails to her (she responded) and spoke with her on one of the podcasts. I believe the 7/20/2017 episode. It was kind of weird because the "intuitive" with her didn't say a damn word to me or answer my question about my ex bf's cat. Eriks mom talked to me about it and she turned out to be wrong about the reason he wasn't using the litter box 😂. Completely wrong. Fiber? No lol he had kidney stones. Not sure why the intuitive fell completely silent but I have one theory.

I'm a little torn between being greatful and being judgemental about her. 1) I don't think it's cool to capitalize on his suicide but then 2) If she didn't have her YouTube account I probably wouldn't have met him. It was someone from the Facebook group that urged me to talk to him which long story short started this journey.

It was around the time I started this blog maybe 3 months after I met Erik and he told me I was his twin soul; I was a mix of a scared, excited and curious because I didn't know much about twin souls and for years has no interest. Of course I did my due diligence while talking to him in the beginning and practiced protection rituals...Still do!

I wrote a letter to Erik's Guardian Angels in 2007.

Coincidentally on his birthday Sept 21st. You can find the handwritten letter on the blog through the tags or on my table of contents. I asked that they would help him find me in any way necessary. Now me being intuitive I have been plagued with the anxiety of finding someone I didn't know but knew what he'd look like (roughly) and that he didn't live in the same state.

Frustrated in 2009 I asked a well-known psychic on a podcast show about him. He told me in so many words he would die. I didn't know when but my gut feelings was saying soon. Afterwards I was stunned and cried for hours begging it not be true. Then winter 2009 I just knew he was gone. My health spiralled out of control in grief I didn't understand. I started to feel him, a rose flew off my windowsill next to my bed and landed at my door, I got the sense when I was scared I was cuddling with someone taller than me, and he started to appear in my dreams. I always knew him by his curly blond\brown hair. I met with him often around bodies of water.

Around 2010 or 11 I became interested in channelings.

Bashar mostly. So I tried to get into spiritual stuff because of the paranormal things happening to me. To fend off my troublesome intuition I drank a lot and partied a lot. I didn't want to admit to myself that the psychic was right and this guy I was starting to fall in love with was him.

In the same year I almost bought a motorized bike (I chickend out) and instead bought my first guitar. It wasn't until 2015 that I got my bass and began playing that as my main instrument. I just never felt like I was alone when I played. Learned about 10 songs in one month. I really got into it. Since then I've got 3 basses including a 5 string one.

I let Erik go in 2012

Left the spiritual stuff behind too. Figured there wasn't a point to any of it if he was dead. I wanted to move on with my life and just forget him. It was easy because I had a new job and a new boyfriend. For a few years I thought I was on my way to living a normal life. My intuition wasn't bothering me because I was unmedicated.

Before you get your panties in a twist, for me, in order to concentrate and accept the feelings I get intuitively, I need a clear head. Without my meds I'm in a fog, more anxiety, Tourrets acts up more, and concentration is just impossible. Ive been on several combinations at very varying doses. If the medication is right, I'm able to tune in. Funny, I didn't need meds until Erik died. When I was without meds due to lack of insurance, I could not communicate or feel a thing. So when I let Erik go, I also stopped taking my meds. The dreams still happened though.

Reflecting on the above I have mixed feelings.

I'm going to be a little self-righteous by saying I couldn't even dream of cashing in on my experiences. It's not cool to me. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I was exploiting a dead person like that. All I'm doing here is sharing my story or my side of his story wether people like it or not. I don't give a flying fuck-shit about how people feel about my blog. At least I'm not making money off it.

All I want to do is help people and I have. These people have become my friends and support system. I'm helping the planet by publishing my posts for the whole world to see. It's actually kind of terrifying! I'm a private person and hardly use social media. My anxiety was at it's worst when I began this blog. It's gotten better but it doesn't mean I don't panic when I write something new. I guess that's why writing the book is so difficult.

Again, at the same time...without her, I probably wouldn't have found him.

😘💕 Have a wonderful day!

[zensbae]

Emotions rule over the night

~{What if you ignore Jaehee and go to meet Zen in secret when it first comes up? Spoilers for Zen's route}~

Pairing: Zen x mc

General - slice of life, bit of fluff

2089 Words

You've just wrapped up the last of your email replies for the day, it's getting late.. you look out the window of the apartment to see a full moon begin to rise, "Wow, it's so beautiful.. I wonder what Zen's up to?" leaning back in your computer chair, you sigh softly.

Your phone ringtone suddenly sounds off, screen illuminated with Zen's name and profile picture. You smile and flick accept, but in the process you launch your phone off the desk and onto the floor beneath you.

Scrambling out of your chair, picking it up, you bump your head on the desk, "Aaaiish-!"

"Is everything okay, Jagiya? Did I call at a bad time..?"

"No, no it's fine! Sorry I threw my phone when I went to answer;; I was surprised you called. Uhm, I was literally just thinking of you.." The words tumble out as you try to stand up again.

"I was looking at the moon and thinking of you too, Jagi." He says softer than his usual tone.

A warm tingle brushes your cheeks, "No way, that's what I was doing when you called, we really are connected aren't we?"

A soft laugh escapes his lips on the other side of the line, "I told you, physically we may be apart, but we're always connected~"

"Well next time I want to call you first, lovely Zen~"

"Aah, I really like it when you call me that.." He says with a sigh. You can imagine him blushing, which makes you blush.

"Oh-! Hey, so, the reason I called is... I meant what I said before about not listening to the others. I really want to meet you.. what do you think of that?" he breaths out wistfully

"Yes!! I really want to see you! But do I go to you, or do we meet in the middle since you can't come to me?" You say, leaning forward in your computer chair, elbows on your desk.

"We could meet for coffee in the middle, and go from there?" Zen says,

"Hmm, let me see.." You say, pulling up Zen's address from his fan page, he's actually pretty far away.

"There is a SirenCoffee at [names the address], that is about halfway, I think.."

"If I took the subway I could make it that far.." he says

"Uhm, is that okay with your ankle though, am I being too inconsiderate..? We can meet closer to you.." concern beginning to nip at your conscience.

"Babe, my ankle will be fine, I want to go to you so badly I couldn't stand it if I didn't try. I would rather go closer to you regardless, a lady shouldn't really be out late by herself.."

"Oh, you meant tonight?!" You gasp and stand up from your desk

"Yeah.. i-is that too soon?"

Twisting your hair in your fingers, you bite your lip, "No, I just thought maybe you meant tomorrow.."

"The reason I was thinking tonight, is it's less likely one of the others might see us or notice our absence from the chat?" He puffs out a breath, and inhales again, it sounds like he's outside.

"Zen, are you smoking?"

"Yeah; I'm sorry, I can't help it right now, Jagi. I'm tired of holding still.. I can't exercise, or practice the dances for my new role.." he admits begrudgingly, you hear him sniffle, "I've never had to be so still before, it's hard. I'm kind of pathetic, right?"

"No, never! Cheer up, Zenny, I want to see you tonight.. so put your cig out and get ready to go to the subway station."

"Oh! Oh my God, really?!" You hear some shuffling, the scratching of a cigarette being put out.. a door opening, "Umm.. but I meant it when I said I didn't want you going too far at night;; Let's meet closer to you."

"Okay so how about we meet at [address of closer SirenCoffee], is that too far for you?"

"No, no not at all! I work close to there fairly often actually!" He laughs, "So.. what do I look for so I know it's you?"

"I can't tell you, it's a secret~" you quip, getting a whine out of the actor in response.

"B-but Jagiya, that isn't faaair, you know what I look like.."

"You'll just have to wait and see~! I'm getting ready to head out now, see you soon!"

"Okay see you soon, babe!" he responds

You smile to yourself and hang up, so you can start getting ready.

~*~*~*~

You've been walking about 5 minutes, and you hear your phone ping, a text! It's from Zen, he sent a selfie of himself waiting for the train, it makes you blush because he sent this one to you personally and not in the chat room.

You reply, ">_< I'm almost there, warn me next time you're sending a selfie so I don't fall in the street!"

You get a, "Ooh, Jagi!! You should be more careful, this is a problem.." in response.

"Or you could not send me selfies when you're going to see me in 10 minutes?" Laughing, you roll your eyes and tuck your phone back in your pocket.

First one to arrive at the coffee shop is you. Ohhh, this is perfect, you think to yourself.

Sitting at one of the tables facing the street, you flick your lock screen and wait, he's sent you several more texts. This boy is going to be the end of you, making you giggle at your phone like an idiot in public. You get engrossed in trying to bypass the app to get a teaser pic sent to Zen.. should you just send a text directly to him outside the app? That should work.. but what kind of pic do you send?

...

A familiar voice hums out behind you.

Turning to look, you see that handsome face you've grown attached to.

"Well? I found you without seeing a picture! Are you impressed, jagiya?"

"Is that why you texted so much?" a tinge of red dusts your cheeks, "but wait- how did you sneak up on me with crutches?!"

"I've been practicing~" He winks at you.

You gently extend your hand to him, "I'm mc, it's a pleasure to meet you~" taking your hand in his, he gently shakes it.

"Aaah.. it's so nice to meet you. You're cute.. so much cuter, than what I imagined." he grins at you, a light blush dusting his cheeks as well.

Zen is so stunning in person, his silver hair shines in the light, giving off an ethereal glow. He's wearing a charcoal grey hoodie, white v-neck t-shirt peeking from underneath, and black jeans. His frame is lean but toned, just the perfect balance. The crutches and boot cast look so out of place.

"Wooow, you're so handsome in person... ah, but where are my manners? Please sit! Let me know what you want to order!" You say, gesturing to the seat.

"Aaa, it makes me so happy hearing that from you, thank you Jagiya~"

He takes a seat, you move aside to take his crutches and lean them against the wall beside him. He gets his wallet out and palms money off to you, "I'm taking care of this, so don't worry about the cost for yours, okay? I'll just have a hot coffee with a splash of cream."

That smile, it makes you weak in the knees. Is this real, is he real? You just smile and nod, turning to go to the counter. Feeling his gaze on you makes you smile, and suddenly you're too aware of yourself at the same time. So you order an iced drink, cause it's hot in here.

Bringing the drinks back to your table, you place his in front of him, "It's because you smoke isn't it? Isn't that the cliche.. black coffee and cigarettes?"

This gets a laugh out of the actor, "Doesn't it break the cliche because I had cream added though?"

"Potentially.."

"I want to quit, you know.. it's just hard, I've done things on my own for so long I need a fall back when the stress gets to be too much. So I smoke, and I drink beer at home." He lets out a sigh, "Is it not admirable that I do those things, and not seek out worse things for stress relief?"

"VERY admirable yeah! For as attractive as you are you aren't a player" You stifle a laugh, and clear your throat, taking a drink of your coffee.

"Ohhh this is good! Do you want to try it??" You ask leaning toward him. He nods and takes your straw in his mouth, "Mmm.. cinnamon?"

"Yeah! It's not too overpowering and it highlights the taste of the coff..ee-" You're staring at his lips. Indirect kiss. It's so cliche, but it doesn't stop your face from flaring up.

"It's sensible, like you.." he smiles gently, cupping his face in his hands, the look he's giving you is adorable, "Aaah.. this is what I needed, I'm sorry for bringing you out when it was getting dark, Jagi.. I needed to see you."

"Honestly, I needed to see you too. Jaehee's not wrong to act the way she did, but it was starting to wear on me.. is this actually okay, Zen? For us to be seen in public like this?" You search his eyes, being met only with the sincerest warmth.

"If it's what I want, it's fine, besides if anyone asks we can just say we're friends." A light smile plays at the corners of his lips, as he goes to take a sip of his coffee.

Pondering, you ask, "Are we just friends?"

"Well I want to be more but.. I want to give you time to get ready, and I want to be ready to protect and be beside you.. properly." He lets out a deep sigh, "I knew you were a good person the moment you showed up in the chatroom.."

"Thank you for believing in me, Zen.. I've honestly never done any of this before, it's been exciting, and I feel like I belong somewhere for the first time.."

Gleaming at you, Zen takes your hand in his once more, "You make sure and tell me if there's anything or anyone that bothers you, mm?" You feel like you could cry, why is he so sweet and considerate when you just met him?

The two of you talk for a few hours, long after your coffees are finished. It's only when you're informed the store is closing that you realize how late it is! Good thing the trains run until midnight. Helping get Zen his crutches once again, the two of you set out into the brisk night air.

Of course, he insists on walking you as close as he can, but you decline.. it's not that far and besides, Zen has a train to catch!

"I'm really bad at goodbyes.." you admit, looking to your feet

Zen leans forward, "Babe, look at me.."

"Yes?" Sheepishly, you meet his gaze, level with yours.

"Thank you for tonight, I mean it.. thanks to you I can face forward with a smile on my face, and so can you, yeah?"

"Yeah.." You offer him a smile

"Good girl.. now hurry home and text me when you are safe inside.. okay? Bye, Jagi!" He gives you a little wink and turns to walk away.

You reach out, hugging your arms around his middle, "Goodbye Zen, thank you for tonight and I'll talk to you on the messenger later!" you can hear his heart ba-thump loudly in response.

As you turn and walk away, you glance back, and Zen is standing there, his cheeks flushed watching you walk away, "ZEN, YOUR TRAIN! GO!!" you shout back laughing, as he waves and turns to go.

When you get back you text him like he requested, humming to yourself you save the selfie he sent to you before.

Within the next day Jumin says he's sending you to see Zen, but neither he nor Jaehee know you've already met. It's your secret and you can't wait to see handsome Zen once more. ❤️

~{I've had a pretty rough week, but writing zen x mc cheers me up, so here's something inspired from a text I got when I was playing}~

The text in question:

[gencat21]

Unexpected • Lee Taeyong (1)

(I did not give the boyfriend a name, not worth it haha.)

Autumn is just beautiful, watching the trees turn orange and how the floor was often full of their leaves was the most pretty and annoying thing for you. You love the cold breeze hitting your face, love the taste of coffee on your tongue, and love walking peacefully with your boyfriend talking about how your day has gone before going to the next class in half an hour. "I may be getting a good job as a music teacher. My piano teacher has been recommending me to a lot of people and after winning that competition last summer I've been getting a lot of emails. Also, a company contacted me, and they are interested in the songs I've written." You explain with enthusiasm, while he observed you with that smile of his.

"My little future Beethoven. Everybody wants you. But not as much as I do." He gets closer to kiss your forehead sweetly, but your thoughts are somewhere else, keeping you to react to his sweetness.

"There's even an offer abroad. Can you believe that?"

His smile turn softly to a straight line while he looks at you in disbelief. He wanted to smile for you, but he can't fake a smile. "Are you really considering that one?"

"It's on the states, but it's the best offer I've ever gotten."

"You really are, wow." He steps backward and laughs ironically. "I mean so little to you that you take that decision without even consulting it with me?" And your mouth fells open at how mad he was getting by the second. You were expecting to see him happy for you, after all it was an offer that you couldn't turn down.

"You don't have to get mad about this," you say sweetly so he would calm down, but he was looking somewhere else with a frown, which was starting to make you mad as well. "I have time to think about until graduation but I won't be turning that one down just because you want me to."

"How can you be so selfish?" And with that your sweet side disappear in the thin air. He was really saying that to you as if he wasn't thinking about his own words and you think it's useless to talk to him right now because he was getting madder.

"I have classes right now."

"Your class starts in 25 minutes."

"Well, I left a piano in the dance room, and the teacher needs it." That's wasn't a lie. So you take your leave trying to brush your boyfriend off your mind, but you were still thinking about the conversation you just had. "Calling me selfish when he was being selfish too, who does he even think he is? He's not my father, is the freaking crazy." You ramble while walking obviously mad to the practice room hating the fact that you left it there this morning. Why did you agree to play piano on the ballet presentation one week away? Yes, it was going to make everything more beautiful, but now you had more things to do.

You find Ten on the way and stop ranting to approach him without saying anything. You hold his wrist and continue walking, deciding by yourself that he was going to help you to move the keyboard from one side of campus to the other. "Why are you so mad today? Are you going to kill me?" He asks with that smile you loved and hated, he smiles way too much. A beautiful smile like that should be totally illegal.

"I hate men,"

"Are you becoming lesbian now?"

"No, women judge way too much. I hate them as well." You end up saying and laugh because of the conversation.

"Where are you taking me? Our class is the other way."

"Just help me move the keyboard, I will pay you back with fruit."

"But I hate fruits,"

"I know,"

"If you give me fruits I will throw it at you. But I'll accept tea." You like him as a friend. You've always wondered why you both weren't actually closer since he was a sweet and nice person to be around. But you had two different lives, so you just were glad that you both had a lot of classes in common, and that was enough for you. He made classes shorter by sitting with you, and you were thankful. Shortly, you both arrive at the building, and from that distance, you could hear the loud music playing in the dance room. The closer you got, the louder it was. The door was partially open, so you carefully approach the door to spy on whoever was dancing inside.

Inside the dance, room was a guy moving his body to the rhythm of the music. You never had the talent to dance that upbeat kind of music, leaving classical music as your cup of tea, but doesn't change the fact that you wish you could dance the way he can. Ten behind you peeks for a second as well and then taps your shoulder to get your attention. "Y/n, we need to go." Reminding you that your walk back was not short. Sadness covers your eyes since you wanted to see the end of the choreography, even if it was only the guy's back you were seeing. but you know he's right. Your eyes travel to Ten, who just shrugs at you. Suddenly the music stops.

His familiar face was turned to your direction, glancing at you with nothing more than a frown. "Who gave you the right to spy me?" His voice sends shivers down your spine because of how pissed he was of being spied.

"I wasn't," you step inside and your index finger points to your piano in a corner, his eyes follow your finger and then he looks again at you.

"Take it quick and leave, you're wasting my time." You avoid his gaze since it was a little intimidating sometimes. You've been used to seeing that guy for... As long as you can remember. For some strange reason, your paths are the same. Same high school, and weirdly, same art school. But you've never heard his voice until now, you've never had the chance to have a conversation, and you never wanted to. He's always had the bad boy aura, and you wanted nothing to do with it. He's always been the pretty bad boy that you made sure not to cross paths with, even though it was impossible

You know he never noticed you before, and hat even when he was a bad boy you had nothing to worry about because your social life was completely different. Until now that his scary gaze was following you around the room, watching your every move and that makes you uneasy. For a reason, they named him the scary pretty guy back on your school days. "Are you going to be here all day?" Ten asks Taeyong casually, you forgot they were friends for a moment there, but it was luck to you, since for that reason he stopped looking at you.

"Almost, we'll be waiting for you. Jaehyun and Johnny are on their way here right now, Mark went out a couple minutes ago."

"I have piano classes right now and then I will be free," he picks up your keyboard while you silently take the stand and make your way out of the room, glad that Ten distracted Taeyong. "See you in two hours." You hear him say, followed by him leaving the room behind you. You felt you could finally breathe, surprised that as soon as he stare at you, your breathing stop. He was breathtakingly handsome, but that was not the reason why you felt like that. Was the bad boy aura he has. "He just hates people seeing his choreographies when is not finished." Ten explain to you due to the silence that you hold.

"I don't care," you don't.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

8:23 pm says your phone when a text message pops up. You gasp in shock, realizing that you had been there longer than expected. It was normal for you to lose track of time when you were composing, but this time the hours really went by quicker than expected. You parted ways with Ten at five when your class ended, by staying in the piano classroom and played until the message from your boyfriend brought you back to reality. You slowly pick up your stuff, throwing your phone inside your bag not wanting to even read his text. But as soon as you step out of the building, your phone starts to vibrate, letting you know you had a call.

Annoyed, you look for your phone on your bag to see him calling you. "Yes?"

"I'm in the parking lot, let me take you home." His normal sweet voice appears on the other side, you roll your eyes in response as if he could see you. You just stayed silent on the entrance looking at your feet. "Or at least let's talk. I can't stand the fact of falling asleep while being mad at each other." Not standing the silence anymore. "Please."

"Sure, see you in a bit." The walk to the parking lot was the shortest walk you've ever had on the campus, you did not want to talk about anything right now because you were starting to see the real him. The not very supportive one, the one that may hold you back on a future. That may be the real one, and you were not ready to actually meet him. But you have to. His figure is against his car in the parking lot where there were only two cars, his and another way a few lots to the right. His eyes were on you the whole walk to his car, and you dont know what to feel about it. "Look, I thought about it,"

"Are you staying?"

" I—” you stop talking realizing you were about to raise your voice after that, and take a deep breath. "I will not make that decision right now, but I want you to be on my side and understand me instead of being against me. This is my future we're talking about in here.” you express your feeling, glad that he was listening to you in silence. " Do you understand?"

"But you can have a nice future, what is the matter with staying here?" He does not understand

"I do not know what I will do," you argue. "I just want you to be on my side not matter what decision I make."

"You will stay here with me." He says, as it was so easy, but the way he says it just bothered you. The demanding tone gets on your nerves.

"Stop saying it like that, you don't get to choose what I will do. This is my life."

"Oh, I see. You want to break up with me and fuck every single dude you see, like you went to fuck that guy instead of actually going to class?"

"What are you ta—"

"You thought I didn't see you leaving me alone to go for a guy? And you were still here when is not usual for you to be here? I went to your apartment and your roommate told me you were here. What were you doing?" Your expression shifts to one of disbelief and hurt.

"I can't believe you think I would do something like that to you," saying it was harder than thinking about it. A single tear rolls down your cheek, one that you quickly swipe away. "If you think like that, we have to break up. I'm leaving, and do not fucking call me ever again." You spit, then turn around to walk away containing the tears from falling. You do not want to cry near than man to show how weak you were. Obviously, you are weaker than he is.

You just feel the pain on your wrist and how harshly you are turned around to face him, "That hurts!" You whine, not being able to avoid the look he has. You've never seen his so mad, before, even less looking at you. The feeling of not being able to do anything was frustrating as he held your other wrist too. "Let me go, what are you doing?"

"So I'm right? How many guys have you fucked?"

"Let me fucking go!"

"You forgot you were only mine?"

"Fuck you!" You do not know where the strength to say to that man that had you under his control came out from, neither how by instinct your knee fly between his legs and make him let you go without wanting. Your breathing is audible, and you tell yourself to run away but you could not move at all. In shock, you stare at how he falls on the floor and stays there for a minute. Why could you not move? Why you have to stay there when you could run away and disappear somewhere he could not find you? Why do you wait until he stands up again and without thinking slaps your face so hard you fall on the floor? By then, Isn't it too late? Where did the strong Y/n escape to? He walks again to you, so you look for something around you that you could hit him with, but there's nothing. You close your eyes hard, waiting for whatever he is going to do to you, until the sound of a strong punch makes an appearance, and then you see from the corner of your eye how the man ready to hit you is on the floor holding his face with closed eyes. "Taeyong?" You ask yourself, seeing the familiar clothes you saw in the practice room earlier on the day.

You thought you had seen the scariest look on him, but that was not true. Now you could see what he really looks like when he is mad. Meanwhile, he's punching your now ex-boyfriend like his life depended on it. It was not the fact that he was hitting the man you can't say you don't love anymore, but the fact that you hated violence. Throwing punches in a reckless way like a person body was the easiest thing to hurt. "S—stop!" You voice comes out, but you know there was no way that with the sound of punches he heard you. You crawl to where they are and grab Taeyong's hand so he would stop.

He does and stands up so quickly that you barely could see him running to his car, grabbing something and coming out again. Your ex stands up, and follows him until you see him stop abruptly. That clicking sound just sends panic all over your body. "Do not fucking touch her ever again."

"Man, put that down," he says, giving a few steps backward.

"Taeyong, stop that!"

"I will make sure you don't fucking touch her from now on, if you look at her, if you get near her, even if you fucking think of her I will make sure is the last time you ever do." He spits the words out with some much hatred in his voice that you even lost yours. Your mouth moves like it screaming but you can't hear yourself.

From there, you start seeing how everything goes down on slow motion. How you lose sight of what was going on for a second while Ten sees your state and hugs you. Your tears rolling down in desperation wanting everything to just stop. You see how Jaehyun, Johnny, and Mark appear in the scene trying to calm Taeyong, while your ex gets in his car and leaves without even looking at you once. Mark slowly takes the gun, that God knows why he has it on his car, while Johnny holds Taeyong and says things you can't hear nor see, you just glare over Ten's shoulder and let all the tears come out. Your arms hug him when you see that nothing bad really happened besides the bastard having a black eye and bruises on his face. "It's alright," your sense of hearing lets you hear Ten murmuring it to you while your big sobs become little.

Your eyes go to the man that stares at your crying self on the floor. That anger and hatred disappeared out of the blue, now there was an expression that you could not recognize as he took a few slow steps. Your hands softly push Ten away from you, and as a mechanism of defense you back away. "Do not touch me!" You demand at the man that wanted to get near you and check if you were fine. Taeyong just wanted to ignore your words and get near, but your tears and your shaking hand made him stand still.

"I can explain,"

"Y—you don't need to explain anything to me, I don't want to know," you stand up with a great amount of effort since your legs were shaking the same way your whole body was. You forget about your bag, you just wanted to lock yourself on your apartment and forget it all happened. As if it was possible. You knew all the boys you've crossed paths a few times before where looking at your weak figure trying to walk away, and it was the most heartbreaking thing they have seen. Taeyong notices your bag on the floor, but before he could pick it up Ten does. "You've done enough, I will give it to her and take her home."

Mark gets closer to him before the others and places a hand on his shoulder when your figure besides Ten's disappears from their sight. "Let's go,"

Taeyong takes his hand off of his shoulder softly. "Please don't touch me," calmly says before starting to walk to his car.

(Any mistakes I didn't see, please let me know so I can change it. Thank you!)

[white-rose-week]

White Rose Week 2019: That Day on the Airship - Epilogue

Free Day

Self-Given Prompt: Callbacks to Prior Prompts

(Also available on FF and AO3)

Ruby's head popped off of her pillow.

She jumped out of the large, half-empty bed and began preparing for the day with an even wider smile than usual. As she put on her newest combat skirt, she looked at the now entirely empty bed fondly, giggling mirthfully at how tidy Weiss' side was compared to her own. After checking her pockets to ensure she had her scroll and everything else she needed for the day, she exited the room, closing the door behind herself.

Weiss was already downstairs eating breakfast and sending emails.

"I informed the board of directors weeks ago that I would be out today! I even sent them reminders yesterday. Can't they survive twenty four hours without me?!" Weiss mumbled with frustration as she sent off yet another memo to people she would be having stern conversations with tomorrow. Her hostile buyout of the Schnee Dust Company a few months after the defeat of Salem had proven quite simple after a scathing exposé came out detailing numerous labor and ethics violations that the company had committed in the past several years, along with thorough documentation of her father's knowledge and active approval of the violations. An exposé that Weiss most certainly not responsible for compiling and leaking, or at least, that's what she told media outlets that inquired about it. Regardless of who the (obviously noble, talented, and beautiful) person behind it was, it obliterated her father's reputation and sent the company into disarray. From there, leveraging the personal assets she had along with the notoriety from her involvement in the war against Salem, convincing the board of directors to accept her buyout was child's play.

Weiss smirked to herself. Even though running the company was a significant time commitment and she still had some problematic individuals to weed out, it was worth it. The only thing that she held as a higher priority in her life was—

"Good morning!" A singsong voice called out, and Ruby skipped into the kitchen, shattering any SDC-related thoughts from Weiss' mind.

"Good morning, Ruby." Weiss responded, her prior tension melting away as she closed her laptop and stood so she could give Ruby a gentle hug and kiss on the lips. "I'll prepare your coffee." She said, taking her seat again and reaching for the pitcher in the middle of the table.

"Only after I'm done refilling yours!" Ruby said defiantly as she quickly sat down and snatched the pitcher before Weiss could get to it. She gave Weiss a toothy grin as she topped off the white mug on the other side of the table. She was never content with letting Weiss dote on her unless she was able to able to return the favor.

"Very well." Weiss said playfully as she took the pitcher and proceeded to fill the empty red mug across from her, adding in cream and five sugars before nudging it with one finger toward Ruby.

"Thanks Weiss! It always tastes better when you pour it." Ruby said with a grin as she picked up her mug and held it outward. "Cheers! To our girlfriend-iversary!"

"Cheers. To us." Weiss clinked her mug against Ruby's and they both took their first sips, enjoying a quiet moment to stare at each other.

"So, you're sure Nora can run your shop for the day without accidentally setting off one of the hundreds of weapons on display?" She asked, only half joking as she broke the silence.

"Oh come on, she's not THAT much of a loose cannon anymore." Ruby waved Weiss off casually. "Plus, Ren is there with her. I'm sure they'll be fine."

"If you say so. I just don't want our day together to be interrupted by Ren calling you with the news that your shop has a giant hole in the wall."

"Relax, Weiss. We have too much planned today for you to waste time worrying about that type of thing anyways. And if you want to check the place for damage yourself, we can switch places tomorrow. You'll run the shop for the day, and I'll run the SDC and all your fancy-schmancy meetings!"

"As amusing as it is to imagine the department managers trying to keep up with your energy, I think we both remember the last time you tried to act like me, and I think they're a bit too stuffy to appreciate your brand of leadership."

"I think that means you need new department managers!"

"To be honest, I've been thinking the same thing. I'll probably be looking for at least a few new ones starting tomorrow. Would you be interested in running a leadership workshop for all the department managers once I've finished the hiring a few new ones?"

"I'd be happy to, but my fee is ten kisses per hour and must be paid out directly by the CEO."

"Your terms are steep, but acceptable. My people will call your people. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a very important appointment downtown." Weiss gave Ruby a playful wink as she stood and walked toward the kitchen. She placed her empty mug in the sink and gave her combat skirt's pocket a quick pat with her free hand, checking that she had her wallet and other essentials.

"I must be going as well." Ruby called out. "I've got a date with a pretty girl!" She chugged the last of her sweet drink before running over to Weiss. "Hi there, pretty girl!" She said cutely.

The couple giggled at each other as they exited their penthouse apartment and walked into a well-decorated hallway. A short elevator ride later, they were on the sidewalk of Vale's main street. The city had been rebuilt following the defeat of Salem at the hands of Team RWBY and their allies. While the general public was aware that Team RWBY had a hand in helping finally rid Remnant of Salem, they were far from the only huntresses who fought in the war, and they had kept the extent of their personal hardships to themselves. As a result, they held the comfortable status of hometown heroes and respected huntresses, but not the weight of superstar celebrities, meaning they were able to make their way down the sidewalk with their arms linked, enjoying the crisp morning air without being hassled.

As they walked, Weiss glanced over at Ruby, taking in her profile. Even from the side, her silver eyes sparkled with life and light. She got an even better view of them as Ruby turned to her. She could almost feel the power of the silver orbs staring into her blue ones. Or perhaps that was just the sensation of butterflies in her chest. She didn't really mind either way.

"I still can't believe you got us VIP invites to the grand opening of the new bakery in town!" Ruby said as she gave Weiss' arm an excited shake. "It's right next to my shop, so I've been watching the construction for the past few months. I some state-of-the-art ovens getting carried in, and they got a shipment of comfy-looking furniture just last week. I can't wait to see what it looks like now that it's finished!"

"I'm excited for you to see it as well. I have a feeling you'll really like it." Weiss said as they turned a corner.

"I'm sure I will, I've never been to a bakery that I didn't—" Ruby stopped walking and gasped loudly.

They had arrived.

A hundred feet away, their destination was nestled between their favorite combat skirt boutique, Dressed to Kill, and Ruby's weapon shop, which she'd affectionately named It's Also a Gun. The bakery's large glass windows had been covered with sheets of brown paper throughout the construction process, preventing Ruby from peeking inside, despite her best efforts. The paper was now gone, but she wasn't able to see most of the interior decoration due to the number of people that were already in the building.

Above the entrance was a sign that hadn't been there the day before. On each side was a large, ornate flower. Filigree trimming extended from the base of each bloom, resembling intertwined roots, forming the bottom of the sign's frame. The establishment's name was proudly displayed between the flowers in swooping cursive font.

White Rose Bakery & Cafe

"Wh-what? Is this…? Did you…? But, how…?" Ruby whispered breathlessly, her eyes still fixated on the sign.

"With great deal of time and planning, but I can already tell it was worth it." Weiss responded quietly.

"Didn't I make you promise to not buy me a bakery?" Ruby put her hands on her hips with a sassy, but not quite upset tone as she turned to her girlfriend.

Weiss grinned triumphantly. "You made me promise that I wouldn't buy you a bakery as a thank you gift. I made no promises about not buying a bakery because I know it would make the girl I love happy and because I think it would be a good investment anyway."

"I should have known you'd use a technicality like that." Ruby wrapped her arms around Weiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." Weiss said quietly she leaned in and gave Ruby a quick kiss.

"But you don't know the first thing about starting or running a bakery! And I know you couldn't have overseen this while running the SDC. Who helped you?"

Weiss tilted her head and grinned. "In a way, you did."

"I think I'd remember helping you with something like this!" Ruby said, gesturing grandly at the building.

"Well, you helped me pick the people who helped me. Although you didn't really know you were helping pick them." Weiss twirled some of her long hair around her index finger as she smiled blissfully at Ruby, taking in her girlfriend's reaction. "Do you remember that taste testing I took you to at the SDC headquarters about a year ago?"

"How could I forget?!" Ruby said enthusiastically. "We spent an entire Saturday tasting cookies, cakes... pastries and… coffee…" Her eyes widened a bit as she began to piece things together. "But you said I was helping decide who would get a catering contract with the SDC!"

"That much was true, and they've already catered several events for the company. I just left out the fact that the chefs that day were also competing for something else." Weiss' smile became mischievous. "The opportunity to design and run a new bakery in downtown Vale."

"Does that mean the chefs who baked the chocolate chip cookie that made me cry because it tasted so good…?"

"Are inside, probably putting a fresh batch in the display case."

"You're incredible." Ruby held Weiss tightly. "Just how long have you been planning this?" She asked with cheerful curiosity.

"Ever since that day on the airship. I knew we'd have to finish the whole 'save the world' thing before I could put my plan into motion, but that just meant I had a lot of time to think through the details." Weiss responded lovingly and slid her hands around Ruby's waist. "Shall we go inside?"

"We shall, but not yet!" Ruby said as she pulled out her scroll. "This is totally a 'home screen' moment!"

The two of them had continuously updated their home screens whenever they did something particularly fun or special together, with the most recent picture being from their visit to Blake and Yang's house in Menagerie. They snapped a quick photo and changed the settings on their scrolls before linking arms again and walking past the red and white balloons next to the front door.

When they entered, they were greeted by the scent of confectioner's sugar and the gentle sound of upbeat music. To their left, a small line led to a pair of cash registers that were attached to fully stocked display cases and a bar that extended the length of the wall. Lively girls wearing pink aprons were taking orders, grabbing pastries, and making coffee. Lacquered wood tables and cushioned chairs took up roughly two-thirds of the dining area. Couches and large coffee tables filled the remaining space, creating a communal lounge area.

As Ruby and Weiss approached the display cases, a woman approximately the same age as them walked out of a door behind the bar. The tall brunette had pale skin, purple eyes, and was wearing a chef's hat. When Weiss waved at her, the woman's expression lit up and she quickly poked her head back into the kitchen. A moment later, another woman with fair skin, light brown eyes, and wavy blonde hair appeared. The two held hands as they walked out from behind the counter.

"Weiss! Ruby! It's so good to see you!" The purple-eyed woman said warmly.

"Hi!" Ruby said, looking both excited and slightly embarrassed. "I'm really, really sorry, but I can't remember your names." She admitted.

The other chef smiled and waved her hand nonchalantly. "Don't worry, I don't think we even properly introduced ourselves at the tasting last year. I'm Madeleine, and this is my wife, Claire!"

"It's nice to meet you both again. This place is amazing." Ruby said, still in awe of her surroundings.

"The pleasure is all ours." Claire said, giving Madeleine's hand a squeeze. "We're so happy that we can finally share our cooking with the rest of Vale."

"Not to mention finally sharing the name of the place! Miss Snow-Angel-Investor over here really didn't want you finding out about her little scheme." Madeleine smirked and nodded in Weiss' direction. "We had to sign some intense nondisclosure agreements!"

Ruby rolled her eyes and nudged her girlfriend. "Sorry about that. Business Weiss can be kind of scary sometimes."

"Only when it's important business." Weiss blushed as she leaned slightly into Ruby before turning to the couple "And you both did a wonderful job with the preparations. I'm sure this place will be a complete success." She looked at them with sincere confidence.

"That means a lot to us." Claire said, her gaze drifting toward the brown eyes beside her. "We hope to be running it for a very long time."

"And we should probably get back to running it, but let me show you to your table first." Madeleine gestured for Ruby and Weiss to follow her as Claire returned to the front counter.

They made their way to the back wall, where a single unoccupied table was waiting with a small sign that said 'Reserved' in the same cursive font as the bakery's logo.

"Here you are." Madeleine said, plucking the sign from the table just as Claire reappeared with two large cookies held in parchment paper.

"And these are for you. If you want anything else, just let us know!" She handed the warm treats over before glancing lovingly at Madeleine. "Come on, sweetie."

"Right behind you, sugar." The other chef responded. The pair waved goodbye to Ruby and Weiss as they departed.

Ruby waved back at them until they weren't looking at her anymore. "This is all so perfect." Ruby mused as they took their seats. "The food, the atmosphere, the location, and the chefs are a couple too. What are the odds?"

"One hundred percent." Weiss responded with a simple shrug.

"Hmm?" Ruby raised an inquisitive eyebrow as she took a large bite of her cookie.

Weiss smiled adoringly as she used her thumb to wipe a stray crumb from the corner of Ruby's mouth. "You must have been too blinded by all the food at the tasting to notice that the chefs who served us were always in pairs. And were all women." She smiled lightheartedly. "I wanted this bakery to represent us in every way possible, so I did my research when selecting candidates for the tasting. All of the chefs that day were couples, so the odds of you selecting a couple to run the bakery was one hundred percent."

Ruby gulped down the mouthful of cookie. "You really did think of everything, didn't you?" She whispered happily.

"I certainly tried to. No amount of effort is too much if it's for you, Ruby." Weiss said lovingly. Under the table, she quietly slid her right hand into the pocket of her combat skirt.

Ruby blushed and took another large bite of her cookie. As she chewed, she became aware of the music playing in the bakery again.

~~~I won't need any dreams, it's all there if you're by my side~~~

A small shiver of tension went through her body. At some point, the bakery's cheerful playlist had arrived at a familiar tune and gotten all the way to its bridge without her realizing it. She and Weiss had managed to listen to the song a number of times over the past several years. In the weeks leading up to their final battle with Salem, they had made it a personal goal to listen to the piece in its entirety. A goal they accomplished.

However, that didn't mean their goal had been to make it through without crying. They knew they song would be an emotional one for them, but they sought to change it from a specter that haunted them into a memorial of sorts. But, every time they had listened to it, they did so intentionally. They had never encountered it by accident before, much less in public.

~~~Every moment's enough, and you take me to paradise~~~

Weiss noticed Ruby's expression and the song almost simultaneously. "Oh my gosh." She whispered frantically, her face going even paler than usual as she jumped out of her seat. "I swear I didn't tell them to play this. Stay here, I'll have them change it immediately." He combat skirt flared as she turned toward the bar.

~~~When I needed a hero, you knew it, and you were there~~~

"Wait."

Ruby's voice was steady as she grabbed Weiss' wrist, intercepting her before she could take her first step. "It's fine. I'm fine. I'd… like to listen to it with you."

~~~And I'm scared, but I'll open my heart up, I'm ready to dare~~~

Weiss look at Ruby with astonishment. "Are you sure?"

"I am."

~~~I know I've never felt like this before~~~

"Alright." Weiss pulled her arm gently, sliding her wrist through Ruby's fingers until their hands met. "I'm here for you."

~~~I never really knew what love was for~~~

"I know you are." Ruby whispered as Weiss took her seat again.

~~~I dreamed, but never did believe~~~

They then did something they had never done before.

"But baby, it's time to make up your mind."

Their singing was barely above a whisper, only loud enough the two of them to hear amongst the bustling chatter of the other customers.

"I think that tonight is when our stars align."

They saw tears in each other's eyes, but the tears were happy. Triumphant.

"Honey, it's now we leave the doubt behind."

They moved their free hands together, interlocking both pairs over the small table.

"Take my hand, cause you and I are gonna light the sky up till it's dawn, and baby, you and I are gonna shine."

Ruby and Weiss continued holding hands as the song faded, finally separating them so they could dry their eyes and finish their cookies.

"Thanks, Weiss." Ruby said before sighing cathartically. "This place is amazing, but I could really use some fresh air right now. Can we go for a walk?"

"Fresh air sounds wonderful." Weiss nodded in agreement as she stood and offered Ruby her hand once more.

The two waved to Claire and Madeleine as the left the bakery and took another moment to look at the sign outside of it before starting to walk around the city.

Their conversation didn't have any particular direction, nor did their feet. They simply enjoyed the sunny morning and each other's company.

"My feet are beginning to hurt." Weiss commented after they had been walking for nearly an hour. "Let's find a place to sit for a while."

"Yeah, my feet are starting to get tired as well." Ruby glanced around, approximating their location. "Oh! I know where we can go!" She scooped Weiss off her feet with a broad grin. "Ready?"

Weiss clutched Ruby's sleeves as she braced herself for what she knew was about to happen. "Ready."

A moment later, the world was a blur around her. A few moments after that, the world came back into focus, and she knew exactly where they were. She didn't even need to look down to know that she was being lowered onto a seat.

They were in a large, circular courtyard, sitting in one of the sturdy wooden benches that lined the perimeter of the otherwise open space. Gray slate covered the ground beneath them, as well as the walkways extending from opposite sides of the circle. One path went back to the city, and the other extended toward a collection of castle-like buildings, several of which were obviously newer than others. An insignia with two crossed axes emblazoned the center of the area.

"It's been a while since we've come here." Weiss said nostalgically.

They were in the front courtyard of Beacon Academy.

The courtyard was lively, but not overcrowded with students and visitors. A few people had briefly glanced in their direction due to the sudden burst of petals that heralded their arrival, but they were content to continue about their business.

"Yeah, it has. We were standing just over there when I fell into your luggage and then exploded." Ruby giggled quietly. "After that, I thought you'd never be my friend, much less my girlfriend." Ruby's words had a gentle, sincere happiness to them.

"If I'd had my way, you'd have taken that pamphlet on dust safety from me at the entrance ceremony later that day and never spoken to me again. Thank goodness things didn't go as I'd planned." Weiss scooted closer to Ruby and pressed the sides of their arms together.

"Most things haven't gone as planned for us over the years, have they?"

"I suppose they haven't. But somehow we wound up here, together."

"We have. And being with you is all that I need."

"I couldn't agree more."

They leaned into each other, sharing a quiet moment, which was interrupted by Ruby sighing wistfully.

"Weiss, I love you." Ruby sounded unusually serious. There was no hint of uncertainty in her declaration, which had been made many times before, but there was an unusual amount of weight behind her words.

"I love you too, Ruby." Weiss responded with a comforting tone, as she gently touched Ruby's arm. "So very much. In fact, I've been wanting to have a conversation with you about just how much I love you."

"You… you have?" Ruby looked at Weiss carefully. "What type of conversation?"

A slight blush reached Weiss' face. "Well, um… you see, it's about our… what did you call it… mutually consented trial period of courtship?"

Ruby looked stunned for a moment. "Wait! That's what I want to discuss too! You don't mean…" She paused with her mouth half open as she pointed a trembling finger at Weiss.

Weiss leaned back slightly. "H-huh? Wait, Ruby, you couldn't possibly…" The gears in her head spun, landing on the only logical explanation. "Hold on!" She scrambled around, her hand rummaging into her combat skirt's pocket.

Ruby began floundering about, realizing what was happening. "No! Wait! I… I want to say it!" Her hand flew into her own pocket and grasped around for the item she'd double checked was with her before leaving their apartment earlier that morning.

They became still as they found what they were looking for, hands still hidden from sight. They stared at each other, looking equally frantic and exhilarated.

"But Ruby, I want to be the one to—"

"No way, I've waited way too long to not ask you myself!"

"I've wanted to ask you for ages though! I—Fine! We'll ask at the same time!"

"Deal!"

They mirrored each other's movements, swiftly pulling small boxes out of their pockets, opening them with outstretched arms, and speaking simultaneously.

"Weiss, will you—"

"Ruby, will you—"

"YES OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU!"

"YES OF COURSE I'LL MARRY YOU!"

As they embraced and kissed passionately, the open boxes fell from to the ground below, the rings inside them glittering brilliantly in the midday sun.

A/N: In the author's notes of my previous chapter, I said, "I don't anticipate having nearly as much trouble writing the final 'free day' chapter." So much for that!

First, I got delayed by several weeks due to hectic (but positive) circumstances. When I finally sat down to write the chapter, I almost immediately realized I didn't like the flow of events as I had initially envisioned them and spent a day writing and scrapping paragraphs. After taking a few days to step away, I hit a stride and wrote out most of the chapter, but then hit a brick wall in the final scene.

While my endgame was always a simultaneous proposal, I couldn't find the right words for the two of them to say in the moments leading up to the proposal itself. The scene alone took over a month of on and off thought. If it had been any scene other than the literal finale of the story, I'd have forced myself to publish something after a day or two, but I refused to let myself release the chapter until I was at least mostly satisfied with the ending. Even now, I don't know if I consider it perfect, but it feels as good as anything that I as a first-time fanfic writer could make without running the risk of the story never actually getting finished.

Aside from the final scene, I feel very good about how the rest of the chapter turned out. I really enjoyed bringing several things from previous chapters back, such as the bakery, combat skirts with pockets, coffee, and "Shine".

While I actively avoided creating any original characters in the earlier chapters, my setup for the bakery required chefs, and while I considered not having them actually appear, the idea of them being a couple to parallel Ruby and Weiss occurred to me and felt too fun to not use, so I spent several hours deciding what Claire and Madeleine's names and appearances would be. Claire's is based on a éclair, and Madeleine's inspiration is the French cookie of the same name. I felt that both pastries had a distinct enough appearance and color to satisfy the "color naming" rule of the RWBY universe. It might be a bit of a stretch, but I also wanted to keep the odds of the names I used appearing in the actual series to a minimum.

While this final chapter took significantly longer than I had ever hoped it would, I still really enjoyed the process of White Rose Week (months, for me, I suppose) and plan to do it again next year, but with either greater planning or without the goal of writing extended chapters and a continuous story. My direction will largely hinge upon the state of my personal schedule as the week approaches next year.

I cannot thank you enough for joining me in the adventure of my first fanfic. Every view count, favorite/kudo, follow/favorite, comment/review means a great deal to me. If you had any favorite parts, I'd love to know what they were. I hope my writing was able to bring you some joy, and I hope to see you all again next year.

Keep moving forward!

[our-chaoticwhispers]

What Are The Chances (Pt 4)

Pairing:  Chris Pine x Reader

Warning: Fluffy, maybe a touch of angst

Summary: After dating for over a year, you and Chris run into a road block of sorts. Will you be able to come back from it?

A/N: Sorry this took so long to write this. Life decided to kick me while I was already down. But, here it is, and I hope you like it!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Word Count: 2,236 (Oops..)

The months flew by, and before you knew it, it was your one year anniversary. You can Chris had never been happier. Both of your careers were blooming, and you love life was nothing short of perfect.

Well, almost perfect. Though the two of you had never gotten into a full blown argument, there were a couple bumps here and there. The biggest one being Chris's sex appeal. It seemed like every girl wanted to throw themselves at him. You never thought that you were the jealous type, and to an extent, you weren't. But, there was always that voice inside that questions if you are good enough for him.

Over the last year, you had been doing a damn fine job of ignoring that voice, with the help of Chris, of course. Whenever you were together, he would make sure that you knew he loved you. He'd tell you all the time, he never seemed to stop touching you, and he'd constantly surprise you with new and innovative ways to show that he loved you. Even if it was something small, like playing your favorite music in the car instead of his.

Tonight was no exception. It was your one year anniversary, and he knew exactly how the night would play out. He had the day planned to a T! When you woke up and walked down stairs he was in your kitchen, making your favorite breakfast while listening to the playlist you made of all your favorite songs.

"Good morning, gorgeous." He said when he heard you walk in. He was wearing your favorite outfit, tight khaki jeans, an even tighter white shirt and the cardigan you bought him for his birthday.

"Good morning, baby." You laughed and wipe some flour off his forehead before giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Smells amazing." You commented before turning to set the table.

You sat down to eat, talking about your day yesterday, the interviews the two of you had done, and the movies you had coming up. You both were happy to have some time off to spend with each other. Chris seemed anxious, and you could tell why. But, it unnerved you that he kept checking his phone.

"Something wrong?" You asked around a bite of food.

"Hmm?" He seemed caught off guard, and nervous. "No, everything is fine. I gotta run though, babe." He stood, put his dish in the washer, pecked you on the head and left.

Well, that was odd. He didn't even say I love you, Chris always says I love you. You tried not to dwell on it and went about cleaning up the mess he left behind. God love, but the man uses every dish in the house when he cooks. You were just about to put the last dish away when your phone rang. The screen lit up, informing you that Zoe was calling. The two of you had become best friends while filming Star Trek.

"Hey, girl!" You answered brightly!

"Hey, Zach and I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out today. I'm thinking mani/pedi spa day!"

"Oh, my god that sounds amazing. When are you going?"

"About an hour or so. I'll text you the address."

"Perfect, I'll see you then." You hung up and went to get ready.

After a gloriously long, hot shower, you set about to get ready. You walked into the office to get a book to read while you were out and about when you saw Chris's laptop open on his emails. You weren't one to snoop, but the subject line caught your attention.

Can't wait to see you.

Your heart dropped, and you couldn't help but read the email.

Hey Chris,

I would love to talk to you more. Meet me for lunch at Perch on Hill Street at about 12:45. My treat :)

-Linda

Perch? That was your favorite restaurant. Why was he meeting some girl there for lunch? Maybe it's about a new role or something, you tried to rationalize away. But, your heart sank. Was that why he was acting so weird?

You tried to push the thought from your mind, tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Chris would never cheat on you. You know he loves you. But still...

You arrived at the spa and met up with Zoe and Zach, hugs and kisses on the cheek were exchanged, but Zach noticed you weren't your normal chipper self.

"You okay?" He asked, concern etched in his features.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. It's just been a weird day." You looked at your sandals.

"Well, let's get this party started!" Zoe said, trying to brighten your mood and handing you a flute of champagne.

"Thanks!" You said with a smile, accepting the drink and raising a toast to your friends.

The spa day was amazing, and you did feel better. A fresh set of acrylic nails and a pedicure could do that for a girl like you. You looked over at Zoe who held her rumbling stomach.

"What? It's almost one and I'm hungry. You two want to grab a bite?"

"Yeah! Perch is near by and I know you love that place!" Zach said.

"I'll get an Uber," Zoe said, already calling one up before you could say anything.

The drive to Perch didn't take very long, and you were seated outside almost immediately. You were trying to casually look around for Chris, who should be here by now. When you finally spotted him, your heart sank, he was sitting with a rather attractive woman who was in her mid-thirties and they were laughing and she grabbed his hand.

"I know that look, what's wrong?" Zoe asked.

"Nothing." You said and placed your order.

She let the topic drop, knowing you well enough to let it go. The three of you ate and talked, caught up with each other and were laughing at a story Zach was telling you when Zoe noticed Chris getting up to leave.

"Chris! What are you doing here?"

"Hey, guys. Hey, sweetie." He kissed you on the cheek. "I was just having lunch with a friend. What are you three trouble makers up to?"

You wanted to kick him. Did he have no remorse? You just caught him eating with another woman. Zoe, Zach, and Chris chatted for a bit before Chris checked his watch and said he had to run. Kissing the top of your head as he left. The three of you hung around a little while longer before Zach checked his phone and told you that he and Zoe had to head out, saying they were due at the studio for some pre-production work on the new Star Trek.

"That's weird," Zach said, paying the bill and handing you a piece of paper that had your name on it. "We gotta run. See you later!"

You said your goodbyes and read the piece of paper. You noticed it was in Chris's hand writing.

Aw, so you got my note! My plan is working perfectly. For our one year anniversary, I wanted to do something extra special. I know you love scavenger hunts, so prepare yourself for the best one ever!

Your task, should you choose to accept it is to go home, and find your favorite book. Your next clue is in there.

Love you,

-C

As luck would have it, you had that book with you. You opened the cover to find another note and read it while climbing into your Uber.

Congratulations! You found the next note! Your next clue is to find something blue where I hide my dirty clothes. The clue is attached to it.

-C

You drove home, still trying not to jump conclusions about the date you caught Chris on. But, it was still playing on your mind. 'something blue where I hide my dirty clothes.'  Under the bed?  You walked into to the bed and look under it. Sure enough, there is a bright blue suit case under there. You pull it out and grab the attached.

DO NOT OPEN THE SUIT CASE!

There will be a car coming to get you at 3. Be ready.

-C

What the fuck is this man up to?! You tried to call him, but it went straight to voicemail. You tried to call Zoe and Zach, but no one answered. You finally broke down and called his dad, Robert, but he said he hasn't heard from Chris today, but whatever he was doing sounded like one hell of a surprise.

You waited around for the car to show up and went outside to meet the driver. He handed you an envelope and said that he was told to tell you not to open it until you got to the airport.

Airport?!

When you arrived, your assistant Elaina was there waiting for you. She smiled and walked up to you with a neck pillow and blanket in tow.

"El, what the hell is going on? Where am I going?"

"I promised Chris I wouldn't tell you. So, I'm not saying anything. But, you are all checked in, I'll take your bag. Your flight leaves in thirty minutes." She grabbed your bag and walked to the desk to have it checked in.

You waved your goodbye and walked to the TSA queue. Fifteen minutes later, you were on a jet to who knows where. The stewardess handed you a tablet with a video queued up.

Hey, baby. By now you are probably wondering what the hell is going on, and who could blame you. But don't worry, it'll all make sense soon, I promise. The plane is stocked with all your favorites, so enjoy the flight. I love you so much and I'll see you when you land.

-C

You don't know how long you had been asleep for when the pilot announced that you were landing. It was too dark to make out where in the world you were currently. Once you got off the plane, you found out that you were in Dublin, Ireland. You had always dreamed of going to Ireland but hadn't got yet, because you wanted it to be special. As you walked to the baggage claim you saw a man holding a sign with your name on it, with your blue suitcase next to him.

"Miss (Y/L/N)?" He said in a wonderfully lilting accent.

"Yep, that's me." You said with a smile. He handed you another note and a garment bag and directed you to his limo.

SURPRISE! You made it to Ireland, finally. Now, the drive should have handed you a bag. Get changed and I'll see you soon.

-C

Changing in the back of a limo was a piece of cake for you now, the dress Chris had for you was amazing. It was a green, A-line cocktail dress that had a white to green ombre lace top, matching shoes and the cardigan he was wearing this morning. The drive took about 30 minutes before the driver knocked on the door to make sure you were dressed. When you opened and stepped out and saw Chris standing on the shore with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and that million dollar smile.

You were hesitant, but walked over to him and hugged him. He sensed the uneasiness in your hug and pulled back to look at you.

"What's wrong? Aren't you excited to be here? I planned this for months." He said smiling down at you.

"Who was that women you were with? At Perch?" You couldn't stop yourself from asking. "Why was she emailing you?"

Chris looked at you, confusion etched into his stupid, perfect face. "That was Linda, she's an event planner. We were going over everything to make sure this went off without a hitch."

Suddenly you felt so stupid. Of course! Chris couldn't plan something this big all on his own, and not have you notice.

"Were you jealous?" He teased you. But then, his face suddenly turned serious. "(Y/N), I love you. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met, and I would never think about another woman when I have you waiting for me."

"I know, I just.. I saw the email, and then you two were on a date. Well, I thought it was a date. I'm sorry, I love you, too. This is the best anniversary gift ever."

"This isn't the gift." He said looking suddenly nervous. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, and your heart stopped. "The gift i-is me. Forever." You could see the tears welling in his eyes as he looked at you before getting down on one knee.

"(Y/F/M), I love you more than I ever believed I could love another person. I wake up every day with a smile on my face from knowing that you love me, too. You make me a better man, and I can't imagine not having you by my side. You are my best friend and the love of my life. Will you make my life complete by agreeing to mar-"

You cut him off by throwing yourself on him and kissing him with all the love you could muster.

"YES! Oh my god! Yes!!" You couldn't contain the tears that freely flowed down your face. "I love you, too!"

[nerdybff]

VPNs: Everything you wanted to know but didn't care enough to ask

I have a confession to make.

Although I fuss at you guys to avoid public WiFi, I’m guilty of resorting to it every once in a while when my hotspot is spotty or if I’m just being lazy. It’s just so easy to connect to the free network and start surfing, right?

But I feel guilty about it every time, especially since I give you guys a hard time. So I finally broke down and researched a protective tool that lets me use public WiFi without worrying about the bad guys.

Here’s what you need to know before you get your own VPN:

1. You Need a VPN

A VPN is a virtual private network. It basically hides where you are from hackers and encrypts the data you’re sending and receiving so bad guys on public WiFi can’t intercept what you’re typing or reading or sending. This means much greater security when you have to check your bank balance in a Starbucks or compose an email with critical business information to your boss while you’re at a conference.

I was always kind of intimidated by a VPN, like it was some kind of advanced tool that only IT folks used. But last year I finally downloaded a free one, Windscribe, to try.

The free version was very limited with data, and after the first couple of weeks I stopped even bothering to turn it on because I exceed the free limit almost immediately. I suppose I could have saved the data for when I had to do something private, but I just forgot about using it.

But a couple of weeks ago, I really got tired of my own hypocrisy, and I finally researched VPNs to find the best one for me.

2. You’re Going to Have to Pay for One

If the product is free, you are the product.

Nowhere is that more true than in the VPN world. Think about it: You’re installing a tool that manages your data and where it goes. Imagine if you’re a bad guy who wants to see that data. It’s all right there!

Many free VPNs can be bad actors that are trying to steal and sell your data or worse. I like this list from the Restore Privacy website that shares all kinds of dangerous VPNs to avoid. The site also has this handy article about VPN scams.

One of the things you’ll notice right away when you Google “best VPN” is a host of sites like bestvpnreviews and vpnforever toptenVPNcheerleaders and whatever. They’re probably like the “best website hosting” sites that are run by the tools that they “review,” thus are complete scams. Thus I went to what I consider to be reputable review sites like CNET and Tom’s Guide. Even though these sites often have affiliate links so they make money when you buy through their site, they are generally trustworthy.

One exception to the free VPN conundrum: Cloudflare’s 1.1.1.1 thingy. Basically it’s a mobile app that speeds up your connection and protects your data. It’s free. Nerds love it.

3. The Top VPN Lists Are Similar

I checked out maybe 5 sites to find the best recommendations, and ExpressVPN came out on top in almost every list. I ended up going with another one that was consistently in the top 5: NordVPN. The main reason was because it was a little more affordable (I paid $108 for three years of coverage), and I can install it on up to 6 devices.

4. You Don’t Have to Know Anything About VPNs to Use a VPN

Like I said, I was intimidated to use a VPN because I thought it was complicated. It’s anything but. You install it on your device, and when you connect to the internet, it just works. Your VPN chooses a different server somewhere in the world so that the hackers don’t know where you are, and it scrambles your data. But all that is automatic, so you don’t have to do anything special.

5. You Can Get Around Some Blocked Sites

I speak in Canada every once in a while, and sometimes my streaming video sites are blocked because I’m not in the right country. No problem! I just choose a server on my VPN that is based in the accepted country, and I can stream away.

6. It’s Going to Slow Down Your Connection

Even though I’m excited to feel protected, I’m frustrated by some issues that having a VPN creates. One of the worst ones is that you may (or may not) notice a significant slowdown in your internet connection rate. Ugh! This drives me nuts. At my house near Nashville, I have a ONE GIGABYTE connection. I mean, that’s HEAVEN. That’s 1000MB, and my San Diego connection was like 25-50MB. But when I use my VPN at home (I don’t need to… I just forgot to turn it off), the connection sank to like 350MB. That’s still insanely good, but it’s not INSANELY good.

7. Some Sites Won’t Work Properly

It’s a mystery to me why some sites mess up when I have the VPN on. For example, for this article I tried to go to Tom’s Guide to get the link to their VPN reviews. I got an error and a blank screen. Then I turned off the VPN, and poof: the website reappeared. I also use Adblock Plus to block popups, ads and malicious web content, and sometimes weird things happen when I have that enabled on a site as well. I don’t know what they’re blocking, but it’s annoying. Sometimes I can play around with the VPN options to get the page to come up, but it’s easier just to disable it for a few minutes.

What Do You Think?

So are you ready for a VPN? Do you use one already? Tell us!

VPNs: Everything you wanted to know but didn’t care enough to ask was originally published on Your Nerdy Best Friend