#i studied from photos and sincerely tried my best. but i still have a lot of growing to do as an artist

[wolfgirlboyjester]

happy xalday! i had so much fun working on this one tee hee

[yonkimint]

So Show Me, I’ll Show You

Part 28.1

This part has written parts with pictures in between.

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TAGLIST (send me an ask or leave a reply if you want to be added!): @esteemedsalt @halesandy @historicalgigi @seaoffangirling @secretlycrazyhummingbird @kiwimash12 @aviwasabi21 @sehun096rainbow @darkskin-buttercup @rainfallingfromthesky @yoongiofmine @lucedelsole97 @pleasegivemearemedyyy @kim-jias-den @unadulteratedlyunique @thesweetest-peas​ @joyfullyobsessed​ @irishhbamb ​​​

When the door to your hospital room swings open, you groan in relief. Finally Jimin was here to jailbreak you. It was great having Lauren, Heeji, and Luna here but they are dutiful bulldogs and you can’t blame them. Your last visit to the hospital had left them pretty traumatized.

Your hopes fall when a man in scrubs steps into the room instead. You had seen him once or twice but you had never exchanged words. In fact, the only reason you remember him at all is because he is white and you thought that was odd, considering you were in a Korean hospital.

“Oh hi,” you say, uncomfortable, when he just stands at the foot of your bed. His head is bowed so you can’t study his face too closely but his presence puts you on edge. He doesn’t respond to your greeting so you push on, trying to keep your tone nonchalant, “The nurses just did their rotations and I’m doing fine. Did you need to check something?”

He laughs. A low throaty laugh that has haunted all of your nightmares. Your hands fist around hospital sheets as a cold chill runs up your spine. Swallowing around the lump rising in your throat, you peer closer at him.Mark’s hair is black. This orderly’s is ash blonde. But everything else… you suck in a sharp breath.

“Hello, y/n, did you get my flowers?”

He lifts his head and all his sharp features suddenly come into focus. He has been here the whole time watching you try to recover from injuries that he perpetuated. He looks pleased. And his pleasure makes you want to claw his face off.

“Go to hell, asshole.” You try to sound menacing, to hiss these words like poison, but they only come out a weak, fearful wheeze. Mark clucks his tongue at you.

“Look at you, y/n, trying to be brave when you’re really nothing but a weakling. A cowardly little girl. You would be nothing without me and you know it. You don’t really think you’re going to fight me, do you?”

There’s a glimmer in his eye and it makes you so angry. But the part of you that has endured his abuse for years is still the stronger part and you feel your anger give way to hopelessness. Mark is right. You won’t fight him.

“Good girl. Now, we are going to go on a little field trip, okay?”

You shudder as he steps around the bed and traces the IV still in your arm. You had been waiting until the last second to remove it so the nurses wouldn’t suspect anything if they walked in but now you regret that choice. Mark has no intentions of being gentle with you.

He presses a palm against your mouth, smiling vindictively as the fingers of his other hand loop around the tubes that have been delivering your medicine and fluid for the last few days and yanks the whole thing loose. You whimper into his skin as blood splashes from your open vein.

“How are we supposed to go on a field trip when any camera is going to catch you dragging me out of this room?” you ask him, hoping fleetingly that he hasn’t thought of this. But he’s been here for who knows how long. 

“My little writer,” he coos, snatching your phone from your lap and slipping it into his scrubs pocket, “You really do try to think of everything that can happen, don’t you?”

You glare at him. You have taken abuse from him all these years and still, it’s the patronizing that sets you off every time. And he knows he’s pushed the right button too because he laughs and pats your cheek gently.

“Oh my sweet little y/n, the field trip is right here in the hospital. I’m going to roll you out of here in that wheelchair,” he says, pausing to point to the wheelchair that sits in the corner of your room, “and we’re going to go down the hall. And you’ll do exactly what I tell you to because you know that I have your phone which means I can either let you say goodbye to your friends or make them think that you never want to see them again. Your choice!”

This is so cliche, you think, hobbling out of bed when he gestures for you to get up, like something out of a stupid soap opera. Disguises himself as an orderly and kidnaps me right under everyone’s noses. God damnit. 

Your field trip brings you to a supply closet on the third floor of the hospital which, conveniently, is under renovation. You can’t help but think that Mark is following this cliched script just to piss off the writer in you.

Now that you’re out of sight of the cameras, he has tied your limbs to the chair so you can’t run away. A gag sits roughly in your mouth and cuts against the corners of your lips. Mark is circling you as if deciding where he should start.

Lauren told you that he threatened to do so much worse than put you in the hospital next time he found you and you let your eyes flutter shut in defeat. 

You choose not to think about that. Instead, you let your memories play like old movie reels on the backs of your eyelids. Heeji’s art galleries. Lauren’s photo shoots. And Luna’s ridiculous seances every full moon. 

You stifle a chuckle. No need to bring on Mark’s wrath any sooner than necessary.

And then, newer memories begin to play and a lump rises in your throat. These ones aren’t supposed to be tinged with melancholy. These are supposed to be the memories of starting over. The memories from after you are safe.

You swallow hard.

The flight had already taken a lot out of you. This was just the cherry on top of a totally stressful, life changing ice cream sundae. At least this coffee shop seemed safe and warm while you tried to figure out if you were going to be homeless or not. 

Seoyun, the barista, had been kind enough to give you the WiFi password so looking up your address shouldn’t be too difficult. Still, you lowered your head down on the table with a sigh of defeat. Seoul was so confusing. 

“Oh, I know that look,” a voice sounds above you. Your head snaps up, eyes narrowing, already distrustful of a friendly stranger in the heart of South Korea. He smiles at you and his perfect rows of white teeth are so familiar, you already feel your tense muscles uncoiling. He presses on, “it’s not your first day in Seoul, is it?”

You glance at your luggage and back at him, remembering Lauren’s texts to go find BTS. As if the butt of some cosmic joke, it seems that they have found you instead.

You roll your eyes at him, “what gave it away?”

He glances down at your luggage too and laughs. You study his face carefully so you see the exact moment he makes a decision that will alter the course of both your lives. 

His hands are full with two trays of coffee and he shoves them down on your table without asking. You raise an eyebrow at him, not really surprised by his boldness but somehow taken aback all the same, but he only flashes his brilliant smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the force of it. He sits down. 

“You look like you don’t trust yourself to breathe. Like you’re trapped in your own brain or something,” he comments. 

You lean forward, reminding yourself to calm the flare of annoyance rising in your chest before you speak. “Jimin,” you say evenly, “do you think you can just sit here with a complete stranger, flirt with her a little bit, and she’ll open up with her whole life story?”

“It’s always worked before,” he chirps back, batting his eyes, that same heart melting grin never wavering. But you see it there behind his gaze. No one has ever called him out on this before and you smile.

“I sincerely doubt that…” you say, trailing off as his hand darts out for the phone you’ve left on the table. You gasp, your reflexes too slow to catch him now, and he giggles swiping through as many un-password protected screens as he can.

“Well, I sincerely doubt that you know where you’re going since you’re sitting in a random coffee shop with all your luggage so, out of the kindness of my heart, I’ve decided to help you find your way,” he says, handing the phone back and gesturing for you to unlock it for him.

Your insides are screaming not to do it. You have to keep a low profile or starting over is going to fail but the earnest look in his eye has you wavering. With a sigh, you unlock the phone and you feel it deep in your gut, everything is over before it’s even begun.

It didn’t really matter what Mark was doing to torture you, just that he was and the pain was excruciating. You had heard a rumor once that after a certain point, the body would stop responding to pain but you were sure now that that was a lie. This was endless.

Your eyes start to roll back when Mark claps in front of your face again. You blink back into focus and your whole body is screaming for relief. He’s looking at you like you should say something to him but you can’t speak, the gag still firmly in your mouth, muffling all your screams.

“Can’t have you dozing off, my favorite little writer, you’ll miss the best part!”

You quirk an eyebrow, inviting him to give his little villain’s speech. He obviously wants to follow the soap opera script so you might as well let him follow it to its natural conclusion. He grins, tracing your jaw line with something icy cold. A knife?

No, you tell yourself, don’t think about that.

“You’re probably thinking how cliche this all must be. The hospital disguise. The hiding in plain sight. You’re probably even thinking that since we stayed in the hospital, it’s inevitable that I will get caught. Which is true. The question is if it will happen before or after I kill you,” he says, “And maybe the more important question is this: why did Mark do this to the thing that makes him all his money?”

The thing? You would spit on him if there weren’t a gag in your mouth.

He leans close, his eyes boring into yours. “And the answer is really quite simple. You disgust me. You think you’re so talented and so clever. Everyone adores you and bends over backwards to care for you and what do you really need protection from? Your big, bad manager and publisher?”

He’s going to keep ranting, you know it, and you don’t want the short time you have left to be spent listening to this tirade. They say it’s normal to disassociate under trauma and so you do, falling into your memories again.

Namjoon had warned you about Yoongi before you even stepped foot in the studio. It still wasn’t enough to stop the way your heart dropped down into your stomach when you caught a glimpse of him in the hallway. 

You had told him after the fact that you didn’t remember this moment but the truth of the matter was, it was impossible to erase this memory from your mind. With all the steel you could muster, you met his gaze. Dark, critical eyes stared back at you, soft pink lips pressed into a thin, annoyed line. 

You offered a gentle smile like it was an olive branch, your knees wobbling while you waited for him to roll his eyes or storm away. But his eyes only widened, those annoyed lips parting in a small ‘o’, color rushing up to dust his round cheeks. 

It made your knees knock together and you ducked your head. What was that? Forget it. If he was going to refuse to meet you, you weren’t going to waste feelings over it.

The next memory spills into recollection almost on top of this one. 

Would it be okay if I came and listened to what you’re working on? you texted Namjoon. 

Jungkook and Hobi were arguing about who got to be Luigi in the next race. You chuckled to yourself, amazed for the billionth time that you had somehow been invited to hang out with these boys again. You had already known they were incredible but actually interacting with them was overwhelming. They were as wonderful as they had always seemed from afar. 

Even, you thought, Yoongi. He had extended a truce but he was still frustrating to no end. What did he mean you could never be friends? He was obviously capable of being friendly and you knew the way he cared for and protected his group members. It shouldn’t sting so much that he didn’t want to be YOUR friend but what could you do?

“Y/n, I curated a meme just for you,” Tae whispers from his place beside you on the couch and you startle when he pushes his phone into your hands. 

“What the hell, Tae?” you burst out laughing, trying to make sense of the chaotic picture before you. He starts laughing too, satisfied by your reaction and takes his phone back. You punch his arm lightly and mutter, “you’re so weird.”

Let me ask Yoongi, your phone chimes. Your stomach surges with some feeling you don’t understand. You remind yourself that you’re just going to hang out with Joon. This has nothing to do with Yoongi and yet…

How is he supposed to become your friend if you let him keep avoiding you?

He says you can’t talk but you can come in.

You’re out of your seat before you have time to think about it more. The boys look up at you in surprise and you announce that you’re gonna hang out with Namjoon a bit before you challenge them to Mario Kart. The look of fear in Jungkook’s eyes sends you into another fit of laughter and you pat his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, Kookie, winning isn’t everything!”

“Yes it is!” he groans as you walk away.

In the studio, your stomach starts to dance again. Yoongi doesn’t look up from the scratch paper he’s scribbling on but you can see the way his fingers tighten around his pen. He is as aware of your presence as you are of his. When Namjoon points to the spot on the couch beside him, it takes all your concentration not to trip over your own feet. 

You scold yourself for this silly behavior. There are more adoring members of this kpop group to be mooning over. Mooning over? You are NOT mooning over Yoongi. Who said that? Not you.

Anyway, whatever it is you’re feeling, Yoongi has done nothing to deserve it. So why do your eyes keep landing on him as you survey the room?

“I don’t like that lyric there,” Namjoon says, “maybe we should move it down into the second verse.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes but it’s softened by the small smile playing at his lips. He and Namjoon must have been going back and forth over these lines for quite some time. You watch as he scribbles out the words and moves them lower down the page. 

His eyes meet yours and the hairs rise on the back of your arms. He doesn’t look upset that you’re there and that’s almost more unsettling than him insulting you. You press your lips together and search for anywhere in the room to look but him. 

The phone in your lap will have to provide distraction enough. You pick it up and fiddle around between home screens but there’s nothing as interesting there as what’s happening before you so you listen in on the lyrics they’re crafting while you pretend to text the girls. 

Of course, when you find out the song is for E.L. Penn, you spiral. You knew your worlds were going to collide if you stuck around long enough. It’s never been a secret to you that Namjoon was a fan of her work — your work — or that they would have worked with her on the movie if she hadn’t gone on hiatus. 

But you are just an English teacher in Seoul and not the recipient of this song that is making your heart hurt. You can’t believe Mark would hack into your Twitter account just to set this in motion without you. He’s trying to push your buttons and it’s working. 

So you do the only thing you can. You call Lauren. 

When you return to the studio, Namjoon is gone. You knew he would be since he passed you in the hall while you were still on the phone. Yoongi looks up at you in surprise but you only offer a curt nod before beelining for your spot on the couch.

The tears spill out before you can help it and your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi. You feel stupid as you read his stupid question through blurred vision. You respond sardonically and toss your phone onto the couch. 

When he tells you you’re killing the vibe, you almost launch to your feet and run out of the room but Yoongi stops you. You stare at him, mouth gaping open like a fish. 

“You want to what?” you ask, wondering if he’ll scold you for talking out loud to him. 

He reaches for his guitar instead, a sleek, black stained acoustic that you’ve seen in several lives from before you actually knew him. He strums the chords lightly, the sweet sounds discordant in the small space. You blink at him. 

“It’s something I’ve been working on,” he says vaguely, “I’m just curious what you think.”

“Why me?” you ask, confused. He frowns at you, his lips puckering and little dimples appearing in the corners of his cheeks. 

“Just be quiet and listen, okay?” he asks it like a question but you know he’s giving a command.

You smile at him a little too sweetly and then settle back into the couch, pulling your legs up to your chest, so you can rest your chin on your knees as he starts to strum. He rolls his eyes at you but there’s a smile in them that you’ve never seen directed at you before. 

Your stomach makes that weird lurch again and you finally resign yourself to what you are feeling. Butterflies. Min Yoongi is giving you butterflies.

[adonis-koo]

to the moon and back

Summary: Sometimes the distance in relationships really does make a strain and sometimes...it can really make quite the experience, at least in your experience with your boyfriend who only lives half way across the world...

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader, theres like,,,implied Taehyung/Reader if you really squint

Genre: angst, smut,

Word Count: 6.4k

Tags: long distance relationship that I accidentally projected way too much of my own personal experience into 😃, Jungkook just really loves MC, skype sex, I am sorry, mutual masturbation, a little praise kink, Jungkook says baby in korean a lot and once again I am sorry, sex toys, a lil overstim, nothing too crazy tbh, dirty talk, dom!jungkook and sub!MC 🤑

Note: I missed ldr!Jungkook and MC which is based off this sorta imagine I did for them! So I cured it by writing a lil bit about them!! :)

“Hey Jungkook…” 

The said man in question suddenly perked up from where he had been looking down, half his hair tied up and he was rubbing his eyes, he looked tired these days and sometimes you couldn’t help but feel bad. Long distance relationships weren’t always what they were cracked up to be and it wasn’t like you were intentionally looking for a ball and chain at the time...

But well, it was a long night, you were slightly drunk and in a long dry spell so you thought, what the hell? When you signed up for a sub/dom dating website. Again, your intentions weren’t to actually date someone, you were just slightly drunk and horny, and waking up the morning after your phone had been blown up by your now boyfriend. It was innocent at first, you both had a good laugh (to somewhat of your embarrassment) about the whole drunk thing and you were just curious to get to know him. 

It was from there you had learned he lived halfway across the planet in South Korea and not only this but when you began exchanging photos he was by far the most beautiful man you had ever seen. One thing led to another and eventually you both decided to make it official. 

You were used to this of course, you had never actually met him in person and sometimes you felt a little apprehensive to do so, you knew it would hurt Jungkook severely if he ever found out but still...sometimes it felt like you just didn’t know him as much as you wanted too. 

Time zones were a literal hell, by the time you woke up he was getting ready to sleep and most the time texts weren’t sent until the next day, video calls were rare and usually had to wait until the weekend. It sucked. 

Jungkook, if anything, had been trying to convince you to at least fly out to see him, he even offered to pay for your ticket as he was- ahem- apparently in the chain of business for a really well known exports corporation and was a supervisor so he lived very well off in comparison to yourself, who was still in college and buried in debt with little to no money left outside of the expenses of living. 

But again, you were just...nervous...flying by yourself, to a country you had never been too, to meet a man you had never met...You knew realistically everything would be fine, Jungkook was exactly who he said he was, he wasn’t some criminal that was going to murder you and sell your body parts on the black market but…! You just wanted to be safe! To be careful even if that would never happen. 

“Hm?” Jungkook hummed, it was a late saturday night for him but he always stayed up just for you, just to be able to talk to you, to see your face, even if you went hours not talking to one another while he worked and you studied. He told you he just enjoyed looking over at his monitor and seeing you.

Currently you had been curled up on your pillow scrolling on your phone and occasionally admiring your boyfriend’s side profile and strands of hair long hair that fell from his face, “Why did you learn English?”

Jungkook raised his brow a little before suddenly laughing causing you to shift a little in embarrassment feeling as though you had said something dumb, “Well,” He rasped a little, he had been brushing up on his english ever since you started dating but he was also a little self conscious of his accent despite you saying several times over how much you adored it, “English is mandatory to learn in school but I learned extensively due to my family traveling a lot for business and work. I once spent a whole year in New York when my father was employed overseas, that was actually how I became so fluent, classes are fine but experience always teaches best in my opinion....” Jungkook’s lips curled into a smile as he hummed once more, “Which means your studies in Korean would be easier if you visited…” 

Flustered you rolled onto your back as you pressed your pillow against your face, “Jungkook…!” You whined wiggling in your best as you heard his laugh filter through the speaker, “I need you know I really need to stay and study for my finals, it makes up for over forty percent of my grade!” 

“Not even for winter break?” Jungkook let his lips jut into a pout as he laid his chin against his hand, “Jagi I have a bed that’s way too big to sleep in all by myself, are you gonna make me downgrade?” He sighed dramatically as he fell back in his computer chair pulling his hair tie out as his hair fell at his cheeks as he began to fix it. 

You ignored the heat immediately flushing between your legs at the deep rasp of his voice, “My mom’s expecting me to come home to visit for the holidays Koo…” You frowned as you peeped out from behind your pillow to find the massive pout on your boyfriend's face as he sunk in his seat. 

“Sometimes I think you’re just embarrassed to tell people we’re in a relationship,” Jungkook mumbled as he sat up in his seat, running his fingers through his hair as he sulked, obviously trying not to let your rejection make him upset but even through a screen you could always read his moods, sometimes too easily. 

“That is not true!” Your voice was immediately serious as you sat up, fixing your laptop as you set it in front of you, Jungkook was once more slouched in his seat, his hand resting on his cheek as he looked away from the screen, “That is not true Jungkook, I-...” You sighed, “I can’t just drop all my responsibilities here to visit you, you know this, you know hard I’ve been studying for finals and how much my family has been wanting to see me…” 

Jungkook didn’t reply for a moment but you could’ve sworn you heard something akin to a scoff escape his lips, “But you still haven’t told your family...have you?” 

“I haven’t had the chance…” You were immediately trying to defend your reasoning when deep down you felt bad that well...he was right...to a degree, but what were you supposed to tell you family? You met your boyfriend on an offshoot website based around sexual play and not only this but he lived half way around the world. 

“You talk to your mom on the phone weekly Y/n,” The longer Jungkook looked away from the screen the more upset he was getting and you could tell and yet you felt so helpless, it wasn’t like you could just reach over and grab his face, or simply hug him and apologize. Once again, you found yourself at a loss of what to do or say. 

It wasn’t that you wished you hadn’t met Jungkook, you’d never in your life change that night, but sometimes you wished things weren’t so complicated and that your fears wouldn’t get the best of you. And you did speak some truth, even if you weren’t nervous to meet Jungkook in person, it didn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t be able to go now with finals approaching and your family expecting you for the holidays.

“I’m just,” Jungkook inhaled sharply before letting out a sigh, “I just feel so frustrated sometimes, I want to be with you, not part time, half time, or only at night. I want to wake up with you in my arms every single day. And I can’t do that, hell I can’t even get a phone call during the week let alone a text at the same time of day if I’m lucky. We just had a work party where everyone brought their partners and I couldn’t bring mine because she lives in America.” 

His upset was beginning to make you upset, it felt like your gut was being grinded and it wrenched in an unpleasant feeling as you spoke, “Look I’m sorry okay? I can’t help it that this is where I live, I understand you want to be with me, you don’t think I want the same thing?” You put your hand on your chest, trying to keep your voice level as you swallowed harshly, “But right now, I can’t help it Jungkook. The holidays just aren’t a good time right now…” 

“Then what was the excuse during the end of the summer when you weren’t even in school and your parents didn’t want to see you?” Jungkook replied, his jaw clenched and hurt in his eyes as he questioned you, “Or was it still because you were sick in the middle of july?” 

“I just met you!” You cried out now beginning to feel genuinely hurt at your boyfriend questioning the sincerity of your feelings, “I wasn’t going to fly out to Korea to meet someone I had only been talking to for three weeks! Jungkook this is-” 

“I’m not embarrassed to be with you! God, that is literally the last thing on my mind right now! I’m embarrassed at the way we met, I’m embarrassed that I- I somehow have to explain to my family that my boyfriend lives in South Korea and that I’ve never met him and somehow explain to them that you aren’t some serial rapist or human trafficker out to sell my kidney! Because that’s exactly what I’m going to hear! And I’m sorry I just haven’t been ready to deal with that!” You couldn’t even stop the tears from flowing down your face as you pressed your hands to your eyes, “It’s easy for you to talk about us because you’re an adult who lives debt free by himself in his own apartment with your own secure job and you don’t have to answer or deal with anyone, even your own parents! That’s not how it is for me Jungkook.” 

Your head was lowered as you tried to muffle your sobs that was the only thing that filled the loud silence that filtered the air, running your hands through your hair as you took a breath. You could hear a sigh on the other side before Jungkook spoke, “Y/n…” 

“You know what,” You sniffled as you straightened up, “I’m not in the mood to talk anymore,” 

“Y/n! No! Jagi listen-” 

“No I’m done!” You argued back as you wiped your face with the sleeve of your hoody, “I don’t want to talk to you right now. Goodnight.” You clicked the end call button before closing down your laptop. Sitting now, staring at your distinct reflection on the black screen before bursting into a new set of tears. 

Your phone’s ringtone was immediately set off as you sobbed, picking it up as you harshly punched the decline call button before it quickly popped back up on the screen only for you to press it even more vehemently. Your phone lit up several times being flooded with messages from Jungkook trying to convince you to talk to him but you immediately turned off your phone as you collapsed back against your bed, weeping against your pillow as you tried to ignore the pure hurt that filtered your veins despite it being justified. 

God you shouldn’t have even said any of that to Jungkook! Really it was your fault you hadn’t seen him, you had made excuses all because you were just scared. He was probably going to break up with you now...Squeezing your pillow tight you closed your eyes as you muffled your sobs. 

“Girl why are you staring at your phone?” Lisa sighed in exasperation, “Don’t tell me…Oh shit…” She sighed as she watched your eyes begin to pitfully water, “What was it this time?” 

“I’m a horrible person be-because I can’t just fucking suck it up and tell my family about my boyfriend and- and I can’t just go visit him!” You were already wiping your eyes despite not even crying yet and you refused to ruin your mascara in a public store. The bookstore was quiet as ever and the barista who worked the cafe was still sorting magazines out on the rack not even paying attention to you both but still you had to keep up your ideals or else you’d be crying all the time. 

“You are not a horrible person oh my god!” Lisa raised her brows before scoffing, she pointed a long acrylic nail at you as she spoke, “That boy needs to calm his hormones, you are strapped for the rest of the holidays. Y/n! Come on, seriously you need to draw some boundaries with him! Just be honest and it’s going to save you both a lot of trouble.” 

You sunk in your seat as your lips began to tremble making Lisa sigh, “How many messages did he send this time?” 

“Twenty four.” You mumbled. 

“Jesus Christ.” Lisa groaned as she pressed her hand against her forehead, her bangs which had been melded together with hairspray not even moving an inch, “What even started this fight!?” 

Lisa was not only your closest friend but most times she was also your voice of reason which you knew was most times right but still you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as you twirled your straw that poked through the lid of your iced coffee, “Well it was innocent at first, I just asked him why he learned English when he was younger and it translated into him saying experience taught him best which meant going to Korea would help me with my own language studies.” 

“Why can’t you just be honest with him!? Seriously! Y/n!” She gave you her premium disappointed look as you whined, kicking your feet as you covered your hands over your face knowing she was right, but!

“That would literally crush him!” You replied feeling defeated as you slumped in your seat once more, sighing as sadness filled you, “It feels like…” You poked your tongue into your cheek as you exhaled in frustration, “No matter how hard I try, I just always end up hurting him. Jungkook would be so hurt if he knew my main reason for not wanting to see him.” 

Lisa raised her brows as she scoffed, “No he would not! If he’s so desperate to jump on your pussy he’ll come to America and not only meet you but he’ll be meeting me as well the first time. This relationship is a two way street Y/n-” 

“He has a whole team he’s managing Lisa, he’s told me he’d visit if he could schedule the time off but-” 

“All I hear is an excuse,” Lisa clacked her tongue, “Fair is fair, you’re just being cautious as anyone should be when they’re talking to someone over the internet,” She curved a brow before snorting as she sipped her drink, “Now listen, do I think he’s a kidnapper that’s gonna kill you? No. Do I think he’s a fuckboy that just really wants to smash you? Maybe, it’s your relationship. Do what you want but regardless of whether your reasoning is legit he should respect it regardless.” 

You deflated as you sighed, scrolling through his messages where he had profusely apologized several times and went on to explain that he just really wanted to be with you and never meant to dismiss your feelings on the matter. You hadn’t replied yet which made you feel even worse but truthfully, you just really wanted to talk to see him tonight on a video call and talk things over. 

“Anyways, it’s time to boss up bitch,” Lisa pulled out the three textbooks from her bag before dropping them on the table as she offered a smile, “We got finals to prep for, we’re in the two week countdown so we need to cram as much as possible.” 

Sighing you glanced down at your phone one last time before turning it off knowing the temptation to look over Jungkook’s messages would be too tempting. Putting your phone away you pulled out your notebook along with your own textbooks as you nodded, “You’re right, it’ll at least take my mind off of it…” 

You could only hope. 

You had spent the last ten minutes trying to gas yourself up, Jungkook had stopped texting around lunch time having obviously given up and giving you space as this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened and he knew if he just gave you time you’d eventually reach out to him. 

Like right now, except you felt severely embarrassed for your actions this morning and you knew you could have handled things in a better and more mature way then you had, regardless you were struggling to even send a text at the moment let alone video call him...Checking the clock on your phone you sighed, it was already 1pm in Seoul....

Jungkook if anything was probably on his computer sulking while playing video games as he usually did on his weekends off when he wasn’t talking to you. Sucking in a breath you knew you needed to talk to him now because if you didn’t you’d have to go the whole week with stale texts that never went over well and you weren’t working with much to begin with, you didn’t want to make it worse. Sighing, you sat down on your bed as you began to type.

[10:25]

‘I’m sorry I haven’t replied to any of your messages :( can you video right now?’

You chewed on your lip anxiety immediately spiking in your head as you wondered if you came across too much like a victim...Or maybe you should’ve just not mentioned the not replying to his messages and just asked if- 

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of the skype call sounding with Jungkook’s name under it, grabbing your chest you collapsed onto the bed as you made yourself comfortable, shying away from the camera as you grabbed your pillow in insecurity before accepting the call. 

“I really am sorry Jagi,” You couldn’t even open your mouth before Jungkook’s worried expression showed up on your laptop, the hoodie covering his head and just as you expected his puppy like eyes were glossed and filled with sadness, “I- I didn’t realize how much stress you were under and I shouldn’t have been so careless. This is the only time during the week that I get to see you and I really don’t want to argue…” 

You curled up against your pillow as you mumbled, “I should be the one apologizing, I know how much it means to you for us to be able to see each other in person and I need to make the time for us to be able to do that it’s just…” You had meant to tell him the truth but- “I just have a lot going on right now but I didn’t mean to take that out on you, I know you just want us to be together...” 

“Oh jagiya,” Jungkook sighed, longing filled his face and his fingers twitched a little as they ran through his hair as if wishing he could just hold you close to him, “It’s okay, I’m just glad you wanted to talk. I didn’t want the whole week to drag by without being able to talk to you, you know you always make my day better…” 

And just like that your chest blossomed with warmth as you curled up, hiding the smile that began to creep on your lips as you squeezed your pillow, “Not as much as you make my day. Especially when you send those tease pictures for me right before I need to go to bed.” You would never get enough of that addictive feeling of talking to Jungkook, his smile was always infectious.

And just like that you watch, just like every other time, in amazement at the way Jungkook’s personality switches like a light, the innocent sweet smile that was once on his lips is suddenly twisted into a cocky smirk and he leans back his chair, his long hair is slightly messy but just enough to make him look truly wicked, “Oh? Is that right gongjunim? I thought you’d appreciate it?” 

Said photo in question was sent thursday night when you were prepping for bed and Jungkook had very obviously just gotten out of the shower in the mirror selfie he had sent that displayed the chiseled abdomen and broad chest and not to mention the….ahem package he was sporting beneath the thin towel that he had purposely clutched with his free hand. 

Yeah...that nearly destroyed your right hand. 

“Well I did…” You immediately coiled up, no matter how many times this happens with your boyfriend- which is nearly every weekend, you always end up getting shy despite your thighs furiously pressing together and wetness building up in your panties, “Maybe a little too much…” 

Jungkook pressed his tongue into his cheek as his smirk widened, just his stare made you press your face into the pillow as you heard his chuckle, “What? What did you do?” 

The fact that he skipped to the golden question made you whine as you kicked your feet, you could hear another laugh from him as you curled up once more, “You know…” You mumbled, feeling your face burn as you pressed it against the pillow. 

“No baby I don’t.” Jungkook pouted but his voice rasped and something about saying baby in english with that accent of his had your fingers twitching as he puffed a breath of air in cockiness as he hummed, “Why don’t you tell me hm?” 

Shifting against the bed you shook your head, “You know what I’m talking about…” 

“Do I?” Jungkook challenged as he raised a brow, his beginning to clench as he slipped into his dominant headspace, tucking his tongue into his cheek as he asked, “If you can’t use your words would you rather show me? Be a good girl and show me, yeah?” 

Your words were muffled as you replied, “I had help…” Your face felt like it was practically on fire as you rubbed your legs together as you heard him laugh, “Then be a good girl and go get it jagiya, I’ll still be here.” You gave Jungkook a good laugh as you nearly scrambled out of bed to get your bullet vibrator off it’s charger before diving back on the bed making your laptop bounce as you sat up right. 

Jungkook meanwhile had pulled off his sweatshirt and repositioned his camera to expose his lower body, the familiar sight of his plump cherry lips exposed in that forever tainted smirk as he made himself comfortable in his chair, his thighs spreading apart and the indent in his sweats showing off proudly, “Good girl kitty, now I want you to take off your clothes, all of it.” 

You wiggled in your comfy sweatshirt feeling a little shy as you began to shed your clothes, “The bra too baby,” Jungkook coaxed as he licked his lips, his cock tightening and becoming harder at the sight of your flustered, shy expression as you unhooked your bra, there was nothing more this man wanted then to suckle on your nipples that immediately hardened against the chilled air of the room. 

Jungkook’s hand found its way to his bulge as he palmed himself through his grey sweats, “Panties too baby, I know you’re shy but you need to be a good girl and take them off. And remember your words.” He added with a low growl. 

“...Yes sir.” You mumbled, feeling chilly and exposed to nothing more then the camera on your laptop and Jungkook of course before you pulled off the panties you wore, arousal sticking to the fabric that stringed before you tossed them aside, your eyes unable to stay off his hand that kept stroking his bulge. 

“Good girl,” His lips twitched into a sadistic smile, “Now spread your legs jagiya and show me what you did to that photo I sent you, every little detail baby.” You whined as you looked away from the camera, “Jagiya…” Jungkook’s voice deepened a little in warning, “Are you gonna make me get out the controller?” 

Outwardly you’d completely deny that but inwardly....The idea nearly had you frothing out the mouth, but reluctantly you did as he asked, the chilled air nipping at your exposed warm wet folds had your levels of arousal that much higher and you could hear a soft verbal moan from Jungkook as he squeezed his hand over his cock, “Shibal,” He muttered a few other words in korean that you could only half make out before he spoke once more, “You’re so fucking wet baby. Play with yourself, don’t make me wait.” 

Tenderly you slipped your hand between your thighs, flinching a little at the cold that seeped from your fingers that met in opposition to the heat radiating off your cunt, arousal met your fingertips as you dragged them up you slit before rubbing slow circles around your clit, your lips parting a little at the idea of it being his fingers doing this to you.

Jungkook let out a little scoffed laugh, licking his lips as he pulled down his sweats just enough to free his throbbing cock, a sight you’d never fully get used too and had your mouth watering at just the sight. He was much thicker then he was long but he certainly wasn’t short, the vein on the underside of his cock displayed and you could even see his tip beginning to weep as it became red, “How bad do you wish those were my fingers playing with that little clit baby? Put those fingers inside your cunt baby,lay back and use your toy to make yourself feel good for me.

Situating your laptop before you laidback, opening your legs once more as you began to transition to your subspace as you closed your eyes, imagining his fingers dragging up your inner thighs. 

Letting your eyes open you whined at the sight of lube slipping from his cock as his hand slowly pumped his shaft, his lips parted at the sight of one finger slipping inside your cunt before pulling out and adding a second finger. You could just imagine those long thick fingers filling you up while fitting up against your g-spot. 

Fumbling with your vibrator you turned it on, switching the setting to a low pattern before carefully placing it on your aching bud. You had anticipated your reaction just as you did everytime and yet every time you still jolted, your walls tightly squeezing around your fingers as a whined squeak escaped your lips. 

“Fuck princess that’s it,” Jungkook edged you on, his tongue in his cheek as his hand squeezed around his cock before he used his free hand to grab his own toy, the fleshlight that nearly always turned you into a mess, “Bet that little hole can hardly fit your own fingers let alone my big fat cock, right baby? Yeah?” 

Your thighs were twitching as pleasure was rapidly buzzing against your clit and your walls kept squeezing around your fingers as you desperately tried to reach to your g-spot in need for an orgarsm to make up for all the anxiety and stress you had been under the whole day, “Yes! Yes sir! Ah- Mmph need you! Fuck, please! Sir.” You whimpered as your hips jolted to fuck back against your fingers.

 Jungkook pushes the opening of the flashlight over his tip as he let out a soft moan, his hips fluidly began thrusting to the point your walls were so tight you could hardly move your fingers just at the idea of his cock forcing its way inside you, you just knew this mans stroke game was good and proved it every fucking time he took out that toy.

Watching his cock disappear with every thrust inside his toy as his lips parted a little wider this time, “You want this baby? You wish this was your pussy I’m fucking nice and deep?”

Your body was too excited for all of his dirty talk as you squirmed shifting the buzzing vibrator to the sweet spot of your clit as you squeaked, trying to keep yourself from being too loud as your roommate was home, “Want it! Want it so fucking bad! Please sir! Sir!”

You were embarrassingly horny and this made worked you up every single time, your hips we’re stumbled and your walls were rapidly clenching in excitement as his thick cock rocking it’s way in and out of the toy that you could just imagine was your pussy he was fucking nice and slow, making you feel his nice fat cock with every killer slow thrust.

“Oh Jagiya,” Jungkook moaned out, “Don’t tell me my kitten is already close?” He chuckled as he watched the way your body withered the way it always did when you were close, his eyes feasting on the way your pussy was stretched so delicately against your small fingers and the way your thighs clenched and your feet kicked, “Do you need to cum so soon?” 

“Please! Please! Sir! I- I don’t think I can-“ Your thighs clamped together as your lips fell open, unable to even wait for his blessing as your orgasm ripped through your body, your toes curling as little whimpers escaped you, you could hear a long moan from Jungkook as you liddedly watched his hips stumble against his flesh light, hand running through his hair while he fumbled something in Korean. 

“Baby fuuck,” Jungkook’s voice lowered as he moaned, “Cum again princess, cum for me baby I wanna hear you make those noises again for me. Keep those little fingers stuffed inside yourself.” Jungkook’s hips kept stuttering against his toy, his cock throbbing desperate as his moans became breathy at the sight of you obeying him. You were always such a good girl.

Your fingers were aching but your desire to watch him come undone was even greater as you began pushing your fingers back against your g-spot once more, feathery whines escaping you at the feeling of pain beginning to mix with pleasure at the consistent thrum of the vibrator against your clit.

“Ah! S-sir…!” You whimpered quietly as your walls suddenly clamped around your fingers once more, “I- ah! I don’t think I can…!” 

“Yes you can,” Jungkook growled his hips bucking up into his toys faster his cock throbbing and squeezing in pleasure at the sight of your arousal slipping from your soaked cunt and the sight of your tits bouncing at the way your body kept squirming, he could only imagine what it would be like fucking you tied up and left to his mercy, “And you will,” He snapped with command, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for me again princess. I wasn’t fucking asking.” 

Your legs immediately twitched and your breath hitched as you cried out, your back arching at the way your body listened to him so easily on command, your walls tightening around your fingers rapidly and pleasure seered into your clit as the orgasm roughly filled your body, “Ah Jungkook! Fuck, fuck, fuck…! Fuck! Ooh!” Moans escaped you louder then you intended as your hips desperately fucked into your fingers to ride the powerful orgasm you experienced.

Jungkook moaned softly as his hips bucked one last time into his toy before cum was filling it up at the idea of milking all of himself in your little warm cunt, letting his hips swivel as he milked every last drop of cum from his cock as he moaned before relaxing back in his chair.

Chuckling a little at watching your lower body scramble at your vibrator continuing to drill against your over stimulated clit as you struggled to turn it off, “Take your fingers out baby, I wanna see them.” Jungkook licked his lips as you obeyed him, pulling your fingers from your cunt to reveal the thick layer of arousal and cum on them nearly making Jungkook’s mouth water with the desire to lick every drop off your fingers, this man couldn’t even describe what he’d do to go down on you.

“Ah fuck, jagiya,” Jungkook laughed, a little flustered at the way you sat up, looking directly into the camera before putting your fingers in your mouth, licking off the salty and somewhat musky taste of your arousal which in your opinion wasn’t that great and Jungkook would never accept your opinion on the matter, “You’re gonna make me hard all over again.” He whined as he carefully pulled the toy off his cock, feeling the white substance already rolling down his softening shaft to reveal the mess he had made.

You giggled a little, feeling shy once more as you stood up with wobbling legs, “I don’t have to help with that.” You called out, grabbing your favorite sweatshirt to pull over your body. It was your favorite because...Well because Jungkook had sent it to you and because it was big on him it was massive on you. 

You absolutely adored it, coming back in view you collapsed onto your bed as you curled up, Jungkook had just finished cleaning himself up, fixing his camera for you to see the beautiful radiant smile and eyes light up that was your boyfriend. He always had that dreamy look in his eyes while looking at you everytime you finished having Skype sex and everytime it always made you shy as you grabbed your pillow and curled up.

“You’re always so fucking good baby,” He groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, his smile permanently on his face as he stared in adoration at your curled up figure that was practically buried in his sweatshirt, “Mmm you were such a good girl too, your eyes were rolling to the back of your head when I told you to cum again.” 

He had a boyish laugh at the way you curled up, “Stoop! You know I was already overstimulated, you better hope my roommate didn’t hear anything…!” You covered your face in embarrassment at the realization you were a little loud.

Jungkook’s face stiffened a little at the mention of your roommate before he tried to play it off with a small laugh, “Yeah well, what’s he gonna do about it anyways? You were just being my good little girl jagiya.” You covered your face in semi embarrassment. You knew Jungkook was redirecting the conversation back to verbal aftercare because you knew he didn’t like the fact that your roommate was a guy who was not only your age but also very attractive. 

It wasn’t like Taehyung was ever interested in you, but you had mentioned to Jungkook when you first started talking that you used to have a crush on him. You felt as though some days that still lingered in Jungkook’s mind despite the fact that you didn’t even look at Taehyung twice anymore.

Especially since you and Jungkook became an item, however you also hadn’t told Jungkook that Taehyung had been...Well you weren’t sure what he was doing to be honest outside a few innuendos and winks. It mainly weirded you out as he had never paid any attention to you but regardless. This wasn’t about your roommate, this was about your amazing, handsome boyfriend who somehow managed to make you cum twice just by the sound of his voice, not everything could do that.

“You make it difficult to try and disobey.” You mumbled as a smile tugged in your lips, closing your eyes at the idea of his arms wrapped tight around you and his forehead pressed against your own, you could almost feel his warm breath against your face and his lips pressing against your forehead.

“Mmm id like to see you try,” Jungkook laughed as he leaned back his seat, letting out a content sigh as he spoke, “I’d make you wear those vibrating panties the whole day after making you overestimate yourself and I’d make sure to wake up every hour just to hold that button for three minutes straight.” 

“You’re so mean!” You whines as you fluttered your feet before crawling under your covers as you yawned, “You’re already planning a punishment when I haven’t even done anything wrong.” 

“I’m not!” Jungkook laughed as he objected, moving his hair from his face, “I’m just telling you what would’ve happened if you weren’t obedient. I mean, that’s not always a bad thing baby.” He sent a wink your way that immediately made your cheeks warm as you pressed your face against the blanket with a giggle.

“I can’t do that over a video call…! Maybe if you were here in my bed I’d be a little more defiant.” You always had a hard time trying to flirt confidently but Jungkook always ate it up every single time you threw him a crumb.

“Jagiya if you can’t be defiant over a call what makes you think you’d manage it when I’m between your legs sucking the soul out of your pussy?” Jungkook was immediately cackling at the way you shoved your face into your pillow with a whine, “Exactly baby, you can’t even look at me right now.” He cooed out.

“Well maybe I’m just a little more bold in person.” You challenged, peeping out from behind your pillow making Jungkook chuckle as he shook his head, his eyes filled with adoration as he leaned back in his seat.

“Well sweetheart I’ll just have to see for myself one day huh?” Jungkook’s smile was so beautiful, it was arguably one of your favorite features as he spoke, “You know I love you to the moon and back jagiya.”

“Well I love you love you to the stars and beyond,” You whispered back as you hugged your pillow close, closing your eyes sleepily as you smiled….One day...Hopefully you’d overcome your anxiety soon to make the one day become soon, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand being apart from the one person who would never stop making your day.

[definitelyseven]

seduction | one

summary: your best friend suspects that her boyfriend, Jackson Wang, might not love her anymore, so she pays you to help seduce him to prove her right. 

one | two |

“What? No!” you immediately rejected after hearing what she suggested.

“Y/N please!” she begged, reaching for your hand. “Please!”

“Tzuyu! Are you listening to yourself? You can’t possibly think that’s a good idea,” you argued. 

“Y/N, I’m studying aboard in Europe for a year. I have no faith he loves me enough not to leave me,” Tzuyu pouted. To be honest, you didn’t have faith in their relationship either.

“You’ve been with him for only five months. Maybe you’ll be the one who leaves him,” you comforted. 

“We’ve been official for five months but we’ve actually been dating for much longer,” she explained. “Please Y/N,” she begged again. “This relationship is important to me.”

“What makes you think, the famous Jackson Wang would pick someone like me over someone like you? Tzuyu, you’re beautiful, you’re rich and I’m just...” you couldn’t even finish your sentence. 

You were just normal compared to Tzuyu. She had everything you always wanted. Parents that loved her, money, friends, beauty and a famous boyfriend.

“You’re my best friend,” she finished for you. Not only was she beautiful and rich, she was also smart and kind. “I only trust you to help me with this.”

“Tzuyu, you know I love you and I would do anything for you, but...”

“Then do this for me,” she interrupted.

“Have you thought of what would happen if I was successful in seducing him?” you asked.

“Then it’ll show he doesn’t love me, that I shouldn’t be with him. I wouldn’t have to waste my time being in a long distance relationship with him,” she explained clearly. “I fully understand what I’m asking you to do. I won’t get mad at the outcome.” You hesitated, still unsure if this was a good idea. “I’ll pay you,” she finally suggested. You chuckled because she knew you wouldn’t be able to resist money. She knew you needed the money. “People usually pay you, don’t they?”

You laughed again. “They do and I’m not cheap,” you reminded her.

“I’m rich,” she joked. “How much should I write the check out for?”

“Are you sure about this?” you asked again. She nodded, her pen already signing the check. You smirked, “Let’s talk pricing.”

You were never afraid of people finding out what you did for a living. It may not be the traditional way of earning money, but you liked to think you were using your skills to help people - to help those that were lonely and needed company or in Tzuyu’s case, to test her boyfriend’s loyalty. You never did anything you didn’t want to do nor did you sleep with everyone.

Tzuyu was certainly generous; your most generous client yet. She covered all your expenses and paid you double your rate. You smirked once you put on the dress she got you. The dressed hugged your body tightly, accentuating all your curves with just the right amount of push-up for your breasts. Now all you had to do was do what you did best and get inside the private party; something even Tzuyu couldn’t help you with. 

“Can I see your invitation?” the guard at the front requested. 

“I’m sorry. I forgot my invitation,” you pouted, while leaning your body forwards exposing your cleavage to the guard. 

“As much as I want to let you in baby, it’s out of my control.”

You looked around outside and see a group of men, smoking. You smirked and made your way over to them. “Hello boys,” you cooed. The group of men glanced over at you. You recognized them in Tzuyu’s photos. They were Jackson’s friends. “My friends bailed on me last minute and I’m not from around here. Do you guys know where I can get a drink? I tried going in but it’s invitation only,” you pouted.

“No pretty girl should be denied entrance,” one of the men said, wrapping his arm around your waist. “I’m Eric,” he introduced, while dragging you inside. You smirked at the guard who denied you from entering. 

“I’m Y/N.”

You quickly scanned the club once you entered. Since it was an exclusive party there weren’t that many people inside. Eric drags you towards a booth where a group of people where sitting. You instantly spotted Jackson.

First things first - identify the “competition.” There were two women sandwiched between Jackson. From just one look, you can tell they were professionals and the biggest fish in the sea tonight was Jackson. You chuckled at yourself. It was too obvious; from the way their dresses rose up to the constant leaning forward to reveal their exposed chest. You were all too familiar with these tactics. You even used some of them when you first started. 

Your eyes met his. You gave him a subtle smile and a gentle nod before shifting your attention back to Eric. It was still too early to tell whether Eric was desperate to get in your pants or if he was overly friendly. 

“Cheers,” Eric said clinking his glass with yours before downing his drink. You brought the glass to your lips, taking a sip out of the dark liquid. 

“You never said what kind of event this was,” you shouted over the music and into his ears. 

“Jack!” he called. Jackson turned his attention to the both of you. He got up away from the girls that were sandwiched between him and moved to sit next to Eric. 

“I’m Jackson,” he introduced himself.

You smiled, “Y/N.”

“We’re celebrating Jackson’s new single release,” Eric said, filling your glass to the top. “Cheers,” he said again, pushing the glass towards your lips. You laughed at his excitement. Your eyes met Jackson’s again. The both of you smiled at each other before taking a sipping out of your drinks.

You observed Jackson quietly while entertaining Eric. Although there were women surrounding him, he never once touched them nor did he flirt back. He acted just like how he was from the videos you saw online - friendly and welcoming. 

As the night progressed and the more you got Eric to reveal information about Jackson, the touchier he got. It seemed like with every piece of information he fed you was an invitation for him to reach further up your leg. 

“One second,” you tell him while removing his hand off your thigh. “Restroom break,” you forced a smile before walking off to the restroom. You were used to this except you were always paid for it. The only thing different was the person paying wasn’t touching you nor was the person that you’d hope would touch you, touching you. You walked out of the restroom and the first person you see was Eric. You forced a smile and walked towards him. “You didn’t have to wait for me.”

“I can’t leave a pretty girl all by herself,” he smirked while wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close to his body. You rest your hands on his chest, pushing yourself away from him. 

“Let’s get another drink,” you suggested as you see Jackson at the bar alone.

This was your chance.

You walked up next to Jackson. Eric’s hand instinctively found your waist again. He was becoming like an annoying bug that wouldn’t leave you alone. “What do you want to drink?” he whispered in your ear. 

You turned to him with a small smile and then back at Jackson. “I’ll have whatever you’re having,” you said to Jackson. He nods, waving down the bartender to pour 3 drinks. The three of you quickly downed the shot. “Let’s dance,” you shouted through the music. Eric grabs your hand and drags you to the dance floor. You quickly grab Jackson’s hand, dragging him out to dance floor with you. 

As quickly as you got on the dance floor, the women from earlier were already dancing near Jackson. Again, he never touched them. He just danced around them. No matter how hard the women tried, he didn’t oblige. 

Eric however was beyond on drunk. His grip on your waist so tight that it started to get uncomfortable. His hands went from your arms to the side of your body and then down to the hem of your dress where he tried to pull it up. You grabbed his hand and gently pushed it away from your dress. “Come on baby,” he tried to convince. You chuckled at yourself - men. You turned around to face him. You brought your finger up to his face and shook it left and right, signaling no. 

“Don’t get touchy,” you warned. You still tried to be friendly for the sake of this mission; in case you needed him for the future. Eric didn’t like that though. He quickly spins you around, grabbing your neck. He pushes you down, attempting to bend you over to grind on him. You groaned in pain and discomfort. 

“Eric, can you get us another drink?” Jackson asks, grabbing his hand away from your neck and pulling you to his side. 

“Fine,” Eric sighs in defeat as he walked away from the both of you.

“I apologize on his behalf,” Jackson said to you. You can tell he was sincere. 

“Thanks,” you tell him. You noticed a red stain on his collar. You knew it wasn’t because he was intimate with another girl. You reached for his collar and tugged on it slightly. You leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “Make sure to clean this up before you meet your girlfriend.” You smiled at him before walking away back to the booth. 

You smirked when Jackson followed you.

“What makes you think I have a girlfriend?” he asked taking a seat next to you.

“There were a lot of girls surrounding you tonight and you didn’t bother flirting back. It could only mean one thing - you’re gay or you have a girlfriend,” you teased. “I took a 50/50 chance. You have a girlfriend,” you repeated.

Jackson chuckled, nodding in agreement. “I’m heading out. You?” he asked. You bit your lip. “If you don’t leave, I’m not sure I can protect you from my friends. They like pretty girls.”

“And what about you?” you teased.

“Pretty girls? Of course I like pretty girls,” he teased back. “So, want to leave together?”

Finally - you thought. He was finally acting like any man in this club would. You nodded as you got up to leave with him. 

Jackson couldn’t leave from the front of the club because of paparazzi so the both of you headed towards the back of the club. It was chilly and dark. He noticed how you rubbed your arms up and down and how your legs shook from the cold. He takes his blazer off and puts it over your shoulders. You were surprised at how much of a gentlemen he was. 

“Oh that’s okay,” you tell him, stopping him from putting the blazer on you.

“Stop it you’re freezing,” Jackson said, pulling the blazer back over your shoulders. He buttons one of the buttons and helps you take your hair out of the blazer.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him. He smiles back, gently stroking your back. His actions weren’t sexual. It was rather friendly. “You didn’t deny it earlier.”

“What?”

“When I said you had a girlfriend.”

Jackson chuckled again but doesn’t respond again. A taxi pulls up in front of you. He opens the door for you, helping you get in safely. To your surprise, he doesn’t get in with you. You opened the window to speak to him. “Your blazer,” you tell him, getting ready to take it off.

“It’s alright. Keep it, it’s cold.” Jackson said leaning down to your level.

“How will I return it?” you asked. He chuckles again and knocks on the taxi door, signaling the driver to start driving. You looked back at him who was still waiting for his car. He smiles at you, waving goodbye.

“Hello?”

“How did it go?” Tzuyu asked anxiously over the phone.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Trust me,” you assured her. 

“Nothing happened?” she asked again. 

You smiled at her, happy to tell her that nothing happened even when he was surrounded by girls, even when he could’ve left with you. You stuck your hands inside the pocket of his blazer - something was inside. 

“Nothing happened, but he did give me his number,” you tell her, taking the piece of paper out of his pocket. 

[stayforya]

SPRING DAY | MIN YOONGI

member: min yoongi

genre: soulmate!au

words: 7.9k

summary: from the moment you said hello to the moment you teared apart, from winter to spring – you never stopped thinking about each other, not even a day.

a/n: every time I listen to spring day, I can imagine many scenarios and this is one of them. long time friends/lovers who keep meeting again because life doesn't seem to want them apart.

spring, 5 years ago

spring is one of the most beautiful seasons. after a long, cold and monochromatic winter, the flowers start to bloom, the trees become green again and the fresh air and bright sun breathes life into people’s faces. you were going through a good moment – finally started college, met new people, got into a whole new world. even though you weren’t very good at starting things over, the challenging feeling would always be worth it in the end and you were quite excited about the unknown this time. the idea of ​​how unexpected life is and how the little moments of today can become decisive in the future has given you a sense of "destined to be". the random person you partnered with for an assignment in the first few weeks of school was now your best partner, for instance. 

later that day, you finished everything you had to do. in the front courtyard of the university, the cherry blossoms were blooming and some petals even fell due to the strong wind that blew every now and then. it was a romantic setting, some couples were walking and hugging, some people (like you) were watching or reading books under the trees, and a few others seemed to be living a decisive moment on a beautiful day. a day like that didn't go well with breakups, but the couple sitting on the bench a few meters from where you were seemed to be going through a difficult time.

“just tell me right away. you’re letting me go because you found a better one, isn’t it?”, his voice was stable and calm, as if he wasn't sad. but his face showed something else, he barely looked at the woman beside him.

“where would I find someone better than you? listen, what I’m saying is that we are both going through a hard time”, she explained, gesturing a lot.

“we are not going through a hard time in this relationship. our issues come from college, job, these kind of stuff. but between us, isn’t it all fine?”

she remained silent, no longer looking at him but at her own hands on her legs. you felt weird for listening to that conversation while keeping your head hidden behind the book you were reading.

“my family and I have other plans for me now. I’m going abroad”, the woman said. that made the guy immediately look at her, probably looking for answers in her face, but all he could find were more questions.

“so why are you creating excuses? why didn’t you say it right away?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you! and I am hurting too”, she was actively defending herself as if she was being wrongly accused.

“are you? are you really? I am almost graduating and I have no steady job, but I would move heavens and earth to find anything that would make you feel safer with me. I was ready to give you whatever you needed.”

his words were so sincere she started to cry. you could see the tears falling down from her big eyes and his hands reaching hers. she didn’t let him touch her hand because she reached out for a hug, holding him closer not to keep him, but to say goodbye. you didn’t know if he still had hope, if he was still waiting for her to change her mind and stay with him.

“you can’t give me what I need, yoongi. I’m sorry”, she said looking into his small and sad eyes that didn’t shed a tear.

“will you come back?”, he asked.

she shook her head in denial, “I still don’t know. don’t wait for me, though, you’ll find someone better.”

he didn’t say anything else while she stood up and left. he also didn’t look her way again, maybe because it would make the moment even harder. by the way his face seemed unbothered, you knew he was the type that hurts inside. the type that wanted her to stay, even though he didn’t ask for it directly. you spent the rest of the day thinking about this couple, the reasons that made her go away. as a believer, you know everything happens for a reason and you were dying to know how that love story would lead to the other chapters of that couple’s life. it was just your common habit, to imagine what fate had prepared for people, how moments interconnected and how paths could cross again. you always think about it, always about others, never about you. 

didn't fate have something ready for you too?

winter, 5 years ago

rainy days were great... when you were home. to go out in the pouring rain could be very annoying, considering what the wet weather makes to your hair and how tricky it is to run under the rain. as if you didn't know that, you still left home late. you had this very important presentation about modern art at the fine art department, which was open to the public. thankfully, there would be many other presentations happening at the same time as yours and the rain could make people give up going. the auditorium was reasonably full when you arrived. there were fifteen minutes to go and your professor was already looking at her watch impatiently when she saw you walk through the doors.

“I thought you wouldn’t come!”

“I’m sorry, ms. lee. the rain didn’t help at all”, you sighed, putting your bag on the table. “is everything ready?”

“yes, we still have some time. here”, she handed you a bottle of water. she was a great professor. that presentation wasn't the easiest thing you had done in life (in fact, it was very challenging), but she believed you when she chose you after a classroom presentation. and when someone believes in you, you must also believe in yourself. 

during the remaining fifteen minutes, more people arrived and you went up the stairs to the auditorium stage. your heart was beating so hard that you could only hear the blood pumping. talking about modern art is a pleasure to you. from the historical to the visual – when the pictures appeared on the big screen behind you –, it was like immersing yourself in the painters' minds. all you wanted to do was to transmit some passion on to those who were watching the presentation, because that is exactly what you feel when you are studying the fascinating world of art.

and so you did. you didn’t have more than thirty minutes to say everything you wanted to say, but it went just like you rehearsed a hundred times at home. it was fascinating to see some unknown faces enjoying the historical and visual travel you tried to communicate through the images stamped on the big screen. after you, someone else would present too for the next thirty minutes, so you sat down to watch and breath again, feeling as if a heavy weight was taken off your back.

“what is the next presentation about?”, you whispered to your colleague. 

“it’s about the relationship between music and art”, he gave you the flyer of the event. you found your photo there, along with all the people who would be presenting that week, schedules and themes. you were too focused on that flyer, but when classical music reached your ears, your attention went directly to the stage.

the man on the stage was wearing all black clothes. the turtleneck shirt, the coat on top of it and the glasses made him look like a professor, but you knew that everyone who was presenting was still a student. he spoke smoothly, which perfectly matched what he was talking about and made the entire auditorium pay attention not to miss a word. somehow that spell was hitting you too. you had studied a lot what you needed to say, but the way he spoke seemed like he had already been born knowing everything. it was a relief that he took the stage after you and not before.

after all, everyone got up and started to leave the auditorium. the organizing team, however, remained there and so did you. the turtleneck guy (you decided to call him like that) was there, still talking to two people who went to ask him questions after the presentation. you were also finishing a brief conversation with a girl very interested in modern art.

ms. lee called you and you immediately answered. she wanted to thank everyone for the hard work, as she always did. you saw the turtleneck guy approaching the group too.

“it was great, everyone! we shall do it again”, the whole group smiled. “of course I need to thank the team from music department, thank you for joining us and bringing so much content to today’s meeting. mr. min, your professor must be very proud of you.”

it seemed like everyone knew who mr. min was, you were the last one to find out by looking at the same direction as ms. lee. the turtleneck guy was mr. min and it sounded even more sophisticated.

“thank you, ms. lee”, he formally thanked while a shy smile appeared on his lips. you wondered if you were overanalysing him, since you couldn’t lose any opportunity of looking at him, mainly because his face was somehow familiar. 

you didn’t know you’d do what you did next until you already had done. when everyone started to leave the auditorium, you followed mr. min-turtleneck for some reason.

“congratulations on your presentation”, he looked back to find out who was the owner of the voice. it was okay to say that, right? you and him were the ones who presented something, so it was perfectly okay to congratulate him.

“oh, thank you. congratulations on yours, too”, it was kind of... nonchalant. or maybe you were expecting more, even though he didn't say more than this to anyone else during the last minutes. 

he kept walking and you stood in the hall, wondering if you should walk into another auditorium to attend a lecture or just go home. the rain hadn’t ceased, you could see through the big glass doors of the building, and your professor and colleagues had gone somewhere else, but you had already lost sight of them. you walked to the glass doors to watch the rain while you waited for it to stop. it wasn't like you had nothing to do, you just weren't in a hurry to get home.

your phone was ringing non-stop because of the messages, which you read and replied quickly. the ideal for that post-presentation night was to go out with your friends, eat something, have fun. however, everyone was busy or traveling, so you would have to deal with an evening alone watching netflix and eating chips (which wasn't too bad, honestly).

you felt a human presence next to you, but you were too absorbed in watching the rain to look at the person. only when you heard the sound of someone putting up an umbrella, you redirected your attention. about to step out of the building, there he was: mr. min. you swear you looked at him for only two seconds, but it was enough for him to notice and look back at you. you didn’t avoid eye contact, though, because it would be more awkward and, honestly, you didn’t know what to do when the whole hall was empty, leaving you and him alone.

“do you have an umbrella?”, he asked. the words ran out your mind for a moment.

“I don’t”, you answered. it would definitely be easier to say you did, so the conversation would be over and your mind would be at ease again, because your brain was working so hard you didn’t understand what was going on. was it because he was a very smart guy and you were scared to sound stupid?

“do you want to...”, he didn’t finish the sentence and you felt so much better to see he was feeling awkward to say that too. mr. min was pointing to his own umbrella with his head, which meant he was willing to help you get to the bus station or wherever you were going.

“it’s fine, I can wait.”

“it doesn’t seem like it will stop anytime soon...”

you looked at him for a while and shrugged, “fine”. you were proud of yourself, since you seemed calm and unconcerned by the way you responded . your brain rested a little now that the situation was under your control, but it didn't take long for you to feel tense again. he wouldn't borrow the umbrella, he would go with you under it, and the space seemed too small. “you can leave me at the bus stop”.

the whole one minute walk was silent. when you reached the bus stop, you were ready to say goodbye and thank him for the help. however, he didn’t leave, he put down the umbrella and stood there.

“it’s okay, you can go if you want to...”

he looked at you, confused, “go? where?”

you were as confused as him. “wait, will you wait for the bus too?”

“yes. why did you think I was here?”, his tone was calm, but you felt your face warming slowly as if you said something wrong. “wait, did I sound harsh?”, there was a bit of concern in his voice.

“no”, you giggled. 

“oh. I thought I made you blush because I sounded harsh.”

“huh? you didn’t- forget it”, you gave up and he smiled, not looking at you. you just stood there, waiting for the bus. it took about five minutes, but it felt like forever because you and mr. min were in complete silence. by the way, calling him ‘mr. min’ was starting to sound weird now that you saw a glimpse of his sense of humor.

when the bus arrived, he started to move and you noticed he was about to get on. he was closer to the door, so he got on first and sat on the chairs at the back. the bus was almost empty, just you, him and three people sat separately. where would you sit? would it be weird to sit far from him after getting to know him, or it would be better to sit next to him since you got to know him? it was pretty confusing and you had to think quickly. 

he was looking through the window when you sat by his side, unbothered by your presence. you were feeling stupid for sitting there and for the fact that your heart was beating faster than it should in this situation. why was that, though? maybe because of the mysterious vibe he had and how he started to show a glimpse of his personality when he joked about you blushing.

you knew breaking the silence was the only way to make it less awkward. “are you going home?”

“no, I’ll meet some friends”, he said, looking at the watch on his left arm. you never noticed watches a lot, for you they were just essencial items. but looking at his left arm, relatively close to yours, that silver watch was shining and his hands were so beautiful. you scolded yourself for paying attention to those details, after all, it would only lead you to have a crush on someone who had a high chance of never seeing you again. “you?”

“I’m heading home”, you felt his eyes indirectly looking at you. 

“you don’t seem very excited about it”, he said and you still felt his eyes on you. he was looking at your arms holding your bag, because you two were a little too close to look at each other’s faces.

“I am not, indeed. I’ll just buy food and watch a nice christmas movie”

“so, netflix and-”

“stop there, just netflix”, you interrupted him immediately because you didn't know if he would complete the sentence. he laughed after he understood what you were saying.

“I was just going to say netflix and eat”, discreetly, he raised his hands in surrender. “what are you planing to watch?”

you shrugged, “anything, from the grinch to a cliche rom-com.”

“it sounds fun, though”, he started to look at the window again.

“you don’t look like someone who watches the grinch or cliche rom-coms”, you said.

“it depends. I think everyone needs to watch movies like these once in a while.”

“and christmas time seems like the perfect time to watch them.”

“exactly”, he agreed. it didn't look like he was the serious person who was giving a lecture an hour ago, because of the way he managed to get from that to someone talking about fun movies with a stranger on the bus, and that said a lot about him. “oh, I gotta go”

the bus slowly stopped close to a busy street full of restaurants and people. he stood up and looked at you before the door opened.

“I’m yoongi, by the way”, he said.

“I’m y/n. nice to meet you”, you smiled without much excitement, a little disappointed because he was getting off the bus. 

summer, 4 years ago

it was finally summer time, the sun was bright and high in the sky. you felt it warming your skin and it felt good, because it was time to have fun. your friends called, wondering where were you. they were waiting for you at a restaurant, with some other friends of them and people you probably didn’t know yet. but to be honest, you were excited. it was summer, time to have fun and enjoy. plus, you were free for that day and the whole weekend too.

you entered through the front glass doors, thankful for the cold air conditioner that reduced the heat, because the day was really hot outdoors. your friend raised her hand, signaling where they were, and you walked to the table. there were ten people there, most of them you didn’t know but already had seen before.

you sat next to your other friend and she immediately asked if you wanted to eat something. you said yes, while she started to introduce you to everyone, but then your eyes met someone else’s. his eyebrows raised discreetly and you tilted your head to the left, trying to understand if you were really seeing what your eyes were witnessing. 

“we know each other”, he said when your friend said his name and yours, introducing both of you.

“really?”, she was surprised and glad at the same time. the way her eyes looked at yours said something, you immediately remembered: she said you and one of her friends definitely should meet, because you two would match well. was it him?

“yeah, we met before. it’s good to see you again”

“you too”, he said and then everyone started side conversations. he was sitting in front of you, which made him comfortable to talk a little bit more. “did you watch the grinch?”

“hm?”, you almost choked on what you were drinking, “you didn’t forget, right? actually I watched it and other two movies that night.”

“oh, it was a long night, then”, he took a sip of his drink.

“yep, it was”, you took a sip too.

when all of you left the restaurant, the sun was almost setting and the weather was much better. each would go their own way, some as a couple, others among friends and others alone. your two friends were accompanied by their boyfriends, but they still asked if you would like them to go home with you. you said you would be fine, you wanted to buy some stuff before going home, anyway. 

“didn’t you like him?”, one of them asked.

“who? yoongi?”

“yeah, he’s the guy I mentioned, the one that matches you well.”

you laughed, “no, forget it. but he’s nice.”

“well, you should give it a shot...”, she shrugged and smiled. yoongi said goodbye to his friends and walked up to you with his hands in his pockets. there were only you and him behind everyone else. 

“are you going to ride the bus?”

you looked at him quickly, “no, I’ll buy some stuff before.”

he nodded and didn’t say anything else, which forced you to speak again to keep the conversation going. you wanted to talk to him.

“and you?”

“I have nothing to do right now.”

“is this your way of offering to go with me?”

“excuse me?”, he looked at you and smiled. you noticed you were smiling too, because looking at his face made you smile for no reason. “if you want me to go, just ask.”

“I want you to come with me. what about it?”

“I will go with you, thanks”, he was acting so cool you laughed at his attitude.

walking around with yoongi wasn’t supposed to be that fun – at least you didn’t expect it to be. he helped you to find nice sneakers, laughing at the ones that didn’t fit your style at all. he went to the makeup store with you, giving an opinion on everything you tested (but his opinion wasn’t always valid because, when it comes to makeup, he said all of them looked good on you). 

“do you want to eat something?”, you asked, “you must be hungry.”

“nah, we have been walking for just four hours”, he exaggerated and made you laugh. you were walking just for one hour and a half, maybe.

“is that so boring to walk around with me that it feels like four hours?”, you pretended to be offended, but he hesitated for a second, as if reflecting on what he said before. “I’m just kidding”, you said.

“you really got me thinking for a second”, yoongi said and you two laughed for real. when you laugh with someone, it's like a connection is created between you. that's exactly what happened, and because of that connection, the two of you were closer, including physically. if at the beginning of the meeting you were a little far away, respecting the space, at that moment you could already feel your hand touching his when the bags you were holding hit the ones he was holding.

yoongi said he knew a nice place to stop by and eat, so you told him to take you there. it was a lovely cafe with a pleasant atmosphere, and he guided you to the second floor, where there were fewer people and more space to be at ease. he asked for the bag that was in your hand, added it to the bag that was in his and placed it near you.

“I’ve never been here, it’s nice”, you said.

“I come here mostly by myself, it's a quiet place to work. and the food here is great”, yoongi looked through the glass wall, through which you could see the street.

“and you work with music”, you guessed it from the lecture months ago.

“yes, I do”, he smiled slightly, but with satisfaction. you could tell he was looking even more cute at that moment under that light. “I like it very much, to be honest. but tell me about you too”

“what do I do? I am still studying art and now working with it. an internship”, you said.

“by the way you spoke at that lecture, I’m sure you’re doing amazing”, he said, but didn’t look directly at your face. the way yoongi was confident at some moments and shy at other ones made you smile every time.

the conversation was interrupted by the person bringing the orders. you thought you both would eat in silence, but none of you could stop talking. he asked more about you, and you answered, also asking about him. it was obvious how you two wanted to know each other in a short amount of time, as if at the end of the date you would part ways for a long time, like before.

you liked when he laughed at what you said, because it felt like winning an award. yoongi was deeply into that conversation, almost forgetting to eat the cake you two were sharing.

“if you don’t eat, I’ll do it”, you said.

“I’m full just by watching you eat”, he said and you giggled immediately, “was it too cringy?”, he laughed too.

“no, it wasn’t”, you knew your eyes said it all. you were having way too much fun.

yoongi told you stories about his work, his university years and his friends. you could say he was comfortable with you by the way he spoke easily, not holding back details. you enjoyed to listen to his intelectual side, the way he knew everything about music; but when he told you stories about his life, it was even more enjoyable. 

but he didn't just talk, because he wanted to know about you too. after only two or three questions from him, you were comfortable talking about your life and your plans. it wasn’t difficult to do that because he didn’t judge what you said or thought, he was interested. 

it is extremely difficult to put some feelings into words, but to shorten the story: the feeling was that you had found much more than a nice person, but a connection so strong that for a minute you could believe in soul mates. not soul mates who can’t live without each other, or who are incomplete on their own, or who knew each other from other lives, as people said. not like this. you felt like you connected more than through a good conversation, or physically, but in an even deeper way.

after eating and being much more closer than before, he walked to the bus stop with you. it was time to part ways and you were already missing the unexpected date you and him had. 

“let me give you my number”, he said, right away. you felt your heart skip a beat.

“here”, you handed him your phone. he called his number so your number could show up on his phone and he saved it.

“I had a great time today”, you said, not looking directly into his eyes.

“me too”, hands on the pockets. “wasn’t it unexpected? how we met today.”

“yeah, I had no idea we had mutual friends.”

“neither did I, even though my friends know a lot of people”, he smiled. “but it was a nice surprise to see you again.”

you finally looked at him. his eyes were affectionate, just like everything about him.

“then we should see each other again”, you said.

“then don’t go”, he joked, but he was also saying the truth. “you can call me, ok?”

“I’ll be waiting for your call, too”

“I’ll do it at the moment I ride the bus”, he said and you smiled. 

you got closer to him, your arms touching his. why wait? slowly, you touched his arms and placed yourself into them. you hugged him and he hugged you back, trying to hold on from not holding you closer and tighter. you felt his head touching yours. 

you and yoongi were so close that when you separated from the embrace, it was inevitable that the faces wouldn’t touch. then, without thinking too much, the two of you leaned in sync for a kiss. his gentle and warm lips touching yours, warming not only your face but your whole body. yoongi’s right hand stroked your hair and the side of your face, which made you forget everything else. he smiled when he noticed you liked the kiss. yes, you liked the kiss and you liked him. you liked to spend time with him. you could forget the bus, but it was almost arriving. your hand touched his neck and you left a last kiss on his pink small lips, noses touching.

autumn, 3 years ago

in one year together, a lot happened to you and yoongi. a lot of great things. you had dated before, but no one could ever compare to him. he was something else, he was special. he could be a very serious and focused guy when working, fun and affectionate when with you. was it possible not to love him? not to want to spend your whole life with him?

the way he holds you, kisses your cheeks with his pink lips, buries his face on your neck, caresses your hair. the way he tells you beautiful things, talks to you about his feelings, plays the piano while you’re around, watches the corniest movies with you and make fun of every cheesy line of it.

he doesn’t say he loves you all the time, because he shows it through every single thing he does for you and with you. but when he says it, he’s so sure, so intense, you could marry him right away. 

“you look tired”, he said, as tired as you after a long day of work.

“it’s because I am”, you smiled looking at him. you two were cuddling on the sofa. 

“do you want to eat?”

“no, I’m fine”, you touched his hair. “how about you?”

“as long as I’m with you I’m good”, he hid his face on your neck so his voice was barely audible.

you caressed his hands until he looked at you again, then leaning to a kiss. he loved when you kissed him first, he once said it (and never again, because he was shy to admit sometimes, but you knew it just by the way he smiled when your lips touched). he touched your arm, shoulder, neck, until his fingers were placed comfortably in your hair. he kissed you slowly and when your lips parted, still close enough, he looked at you and said “I love you”. he meant that. he always did. he meant it with his gentle touch, kisses, hugs, words, and even when he didn’t say anything but cared for you in so many ways. “please, just stay forever”, you whispered against his lips. he gave you a smooch. “between you and I, nothing will ever change”.

that moment lasted forever. it really felt eternal and you didn’t want to leave. you were in his apartment, which was almost half yours just by the amount of time you spent there. he gave you the password, said you could go there whenever you wanted, even if he wasn’t home. you did the same, gave your password to him, and that led you to a bunch of times he surprised you when you arrived home. wherever, to be you and him alone was the best thing in the world.

the bell rang and took you out of that moment. it was not eternal, after all. you hadn't ordered food, nobody was coming to visit. what could it be? you stayed there, sitting on the sofa, and yoongi got up to open the door, without even checking who was it through the screen next to the door. he didn't expect it to be who it was. he was too sure it was probably someone knocking on the wrong door, but it wasn't.

“jia?”, you couldn’t see who it was from where you were sitting, but he sounded very surprised.

“hey, long time no-”, she walked in and found you on the sofa, as confused as she was from that moment on, “oh, sorry.”

you got up quickly, as if you were a visitor and not the person who has been in that house almost every day in the last few months. “it’s okay”, you tried to smile.

“I’m jia”, she said.

“I’m y/n, nice to meet you”

yoongi was still there, but you almost forgot. he was the central figure in the story, the person who knew you and knew jia, yet he was immobilized behind her. you could see him from where you were and he was uncomfortable, you knew it.

“sorry, y/n, this is jia. and jia, this is... y/n”, he said, pausing before he said your name. you thought he would say who jia was and who you were, but he didn’t. “I didn’t expect you to come here”, he said to her. 

“I thought you were by yourself, that’s why I came over. I arrived last week, but I lost your number... anyway, I’m sorry for interrupting”, she looked at you and you could say she wasn’t expecting you there. for some reason you felt like you were the person who was interrupting, because something about the way jia and yoongi communicated had some kind of familiarity from long before you.

“yeah, hm... the boxes are in the bedroom”, yoongi extended his arm towards the bedroom door. his bedroom. jia excused herself and opened the bedroom door, once again with such intimacy that it felt like she lived there for a long time. still standing there, you thought: maybe she really lived.

yoongi breathed out through his mouth, running a hand through his hair.

“won’t you help her?”, you said. it came out of your lips before you even think properly. he finally looked at you.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting it to happen... like this.”

“was it supposed to happen, then?”, you asked, looking for your bag.

“yes, she was supposed to pick up her stuff a long time ago. I was almost sending it to charity... wait, are you going?”

you tried to look at the bedroom discreetly and saw jia there, “well, she’s right now sitting on your bed, I don’t think she’ll leave too soon.”

“hey”, he knew you were uncomfortable with the situation, “I’m sorry, it really was unexpected... jia is my ex girlfriend, as you may have noticed. we broke up a long time ago and now she’s just picking up her stuff.”

“yoongi”, jia showed up with a medium box and a backpack. yoongi, who was touching your arms, stopped instantly. you noticed, of course. “I couldn’t find my perfume anywhere”

“maybe you didn’t put it in the box or it’s just not here”, he said.

“yeah... that was a good one”, she looked at him and they were communicating through their eyes, a communication you were not part of and you would not understand. “hope you’re not keeping it, huh”, she joked and laughed.

you couldn’t see very well, but yoongi smiled for a second. what was happening there? were they just very friendly? you were there. his girlfriend. why were they acting as if you were just another friend standing there, or worse, as if you weren’t even there?

“I’ll open the door for you”, he walked her to the door and you stood there. you wanted to move, but somehow you were stuck.

“see you?”, she smiled at you.

you smiled back, “see you”, even though you didn’t really mean it. 

“oh, this is heavy...”, jia said.

“is your car downstairs?”, yoongi asked, opening the door.

“no, I took a cab here. I’ll just take the bus home now. it’s not that late, right?”

you showed up next to them, bag on your shoulder. yoongi looked at you and you felt like she was indirectly asking him to take her home. 

“I can... give you a ride, I guess”, he looked at her and then at you, wondering if you were okay with that. “it only takes ten minutes, I’ll come back”

“no problem, I’m also going home”, you said.

“won’t you wait? I thought you’d-”

“stay?”, you completed the sentence, “next time. bye”

you walked out. when you reached the sidewalk, you felt weaker and hated yourself for that. it was as if the feelings were hitting you because you knew, somehow, that would lead to something bad.

winter, 3 years ago

you wish everything could be different. the arrival of jia shook everything between you and yoongi, even when you tried so hard to keep it steady. she wasn’t a bad person exactly, but she surely wanted to start over from where they stopped and you felt like an intruder. days went by and things started to get harder. firstly she showed up out of nowhere to return his old coat that was still in her stuff. then, she started to send him messages, or set up a meeting with friends from the university days so he could go too. 

you never really told him you were annoyed by this. you just questioned him a couple times and he noticed how upset you were when jia made a new move. maybe the lack of communication set you two apart. day by day, you were drifting away from him and it was harder to come back to what you two were as a couple. you stopped going to his house, started to find excuses to not meet him, because you knew everything was different for you now. 

until the day he came to your house to spend time with you. you were different, you just couldn’t be with him like before, as if by staying far from him you could avoid the inevitable heartbreak. 

“what’s going on, y/n?”, for the first time ever you saw him extremely worried and upset. 

“nothing, I just... I’m just tired, yoongi”

“you don’t tell me what’s going on anymore, we don’t go out as often as we used to, you don’t even... you don’t even kiss me like you did before.”

tears started to fall from your eyes slowly, “did you ever ask? since your ex came back, did you ever ask why was I different?”

“why is jia a problem? what’s really going on?”

“see? I am telling you! everything changed from the day she put her feet on your apartment and it felt like she was just coming back to her place. she’s finding any excuse to meet you and you’re simply going. can’t you see? she doesn’t want to be friends with you, she wants you. I just don’t want to compete for a place in your heart.” 

you didn’t know how but it all came out as a flash flood. was he really naive about her intentions or did he like it? 

“y/n...”, he hugged you and you let him do it. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“and I don’t want to be hurt. that’s why I can’t be the same anymore. I can’t be who I was because I feel like things changed.”

“please, I love you...”, he didn’t know what else to say but you could feel his heart beating fast.

“don’t say it...”, there in his arms, all your worries seemed to fade.

“there’s nothing going on between me and jia. it’s all past. please, don’t let it set us apart now.”

you walked away from the hug and looked at him. “is there something you wanna tell me?”, you knew him very well.

he sighed, sitting on the sofa. you sat by his side, still waiting. “I received my enlistment letter a while ago, before even meeting you that day. I can’t postpone it anymore, mainly now that I already achieved my academic goals. I really need to fulfill my duty, y/n.”

“wait...”, you were confused, “I thought you already completed your military service.”

“most people did... I wish I could have done it before, but I had to go through a shoulder surgery. I told you about the accident while working for the company that fired me after that. I was dealing legally for a long time to finally receive the benefits I didn't get from the company back then, and jia was helping me with this, since she’s a lawyer.”

“you should have told me.”

“yes. I should have told you since the start. I’m sorry for that... I didn’t want to worry you.”

“the only reason you postponed was the surgery?”

“no, at that time I got accept into the university and wasn’t able to stop studying for two years, because I was enjoying it so much ”, he was very sincere. “I love to study and work with music, but I know I also have to fulfill my duty now.”

to hear him say that again made it feel more real.

“when are you going?”

“next week”, he looked away while saying this.

you blinked twice, trying to understand if you heard correctly. some of it had been explained, but now a new problem has arisen. you knew, he had to serve for two years in the army. two long years. would you two be able to wait? you needed to think. the idea of seeing him just a couple times during the year, how would you deal with it?

he pulled you into a hug again and then whispered, “I’m sorry”, and you almost didn’t hear it. he hugged you so tight, you wanted to cry. cry because of everything, cry because of him, because of you, because of the love you were feeling.

“will we be able to do it?”, you looked at him, still into his arms. 

he touched your face and looked into your eyes. you knew his eyes very well and you could notice the sadness in them. “I don’t want to be apart”.

“neither do I.”

but how would you manage it? he didn’t know. none of you did. you only knew you wanted him – would that be enough for the two years ahead? so many questions. you shut all of them by kissing him like before, like you missed him already.

summer, 2 years ago

since you lost contact with yoongi, you were trying to move on day by day. breaking up wasn’t the only solution, but you and yoongi decided it was the best. you met him one day before he enlisted and had a great time together, as friends. 

you talked to him once in a while, when he sent a text or a picture, and it made your hear race because of the notification. you met your friends in common, even met jia on a store, which was surprisingly nice. but of course, even moving on, even finding things to do on your own, even not being in bad terms with him, you couldn’t stop thinking about him and wondering: did he think of you too? would you even meet him again?

you didn’t know, but he always thought of you. he thought about sending you a text or a picture when he had time to use his phone, but maybe it wasn’t the best option since you were living a life without him now. he was thinking of you while you were thinking of him. missing each other and wondering without answers. 

on a day off, he was walking by the same street you two hang out on that summer day, for the first time. he didn’t know you were there too, just like you didn’t know he was there, but for a second you thought you saw him.

winter, months ago

how could you watch the grinch and those cheesy rom-coms without thinking of him? you smiled, wanting to send him a picture of your tv. “hey, guess what I’m watching for the 2397473rd time?”, you almost typed. does he have time off on christmas or... has he been discharged already? no, maybe he’s busy, you thought.

he was home that night, by himself. drinking wine, eating and, yes, watching tv. searching for the grinch or any new rom-com to watch, even though he didn’t really enjoy those at first. but because of you and the memories you two created together, those kind of movies made him feel good, have a good laugh and think of you. 

spring, nowadays

life is better on spring – that’s what you always thought. just by walking and seeing the cherry blossoms painting the world in pink made you feel like a brand new person. you were feeling good, having a nice time, feeling the spring breeze on your hair. for the first time in a while, you weren’t overthinking anything, your mind was completely in that moment.

it was 4pm, you finished all your work for that day and it was time to go home, take a bath, maybe hang out with your friends later... you were open to other possibilities. when you approached the avenue, the pedestrian crossing traffic light turned red and you remained standing, holding the bag with both hands in front of your body. you were looking at nothing in particular, but when your eyes briefly passed over the faces of people across the avenue, a face caught your eye.

under the golden light of that time of day, yoongi was standing in front of you. many meters away, but still in front of you. you would walk to the side he was on, he would walk to the side where you were and your paths would cross in the middle of the avenue. maybe he would pretend he didn't see you, or maybe you would. but was it possible to pretend when it was written on your faces how surprised you were to see each other again?

the traffic light was now green for the pedestrians and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. you started walking and then lost sight of him. for a second you thought you would stop in the middle of the avenue, just to look for him, but you were still walking to the other side. 

when all the people walked by and you were reaching the sidewalk on the side he was on, you saw him. standing in the same place, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his cell phone and wallet. looking at you. a strong breeze made some flowers come off the tree and it looked like a movie scene, those beautiful ones. was it fate? was that moment meant to be?

you were finally by his side, on the sidewalk, and felt his gaze on you. you always thought that, if you saw him, your first impulse would be to hug him again, but no – something stopped you. 

“hey”, he said first.

“hi”, you answered. “nice to see you”

“I’m- hm, nice to see you too. how are you?”

“I’m fine, yeah”, you brushed a strand of hair away from your face. “and you? how’s life going?”

you knew he finished his service months ago because a friend in common posted a picture with him. 

“great, I got a new job after completing my service”, he was still talking when a very hurried person accidentally bumped on your shoulder. then yoongi touched your arm lightly, so that the two of you would move away from that busy area a little.

“this is great news! I’m happy that now you’ll be able to keep working with what you like the most.”

“yeah, right? well... I’d love to hear about you too. maybe we can see each other anytime?”

you just needed five seconds of courage and less pride. now or never, you thought.

“do you have time?”, you heard the words coming out of your mouth.

“now?”, you could see he was surprised, but not in a bad way. 

“yes. maybe”

“I do”, he said, “let’s go somewhere, then”

“I need to buy some stuff, if you don’t mind”

“no problem”, he said with a smile on his face. you knew it because you looked at him quickly, smiling too. you two were walking side by side, trying to avoid eye contact and craving for looking at each other at the same time. it would take just a few minutes for you two to start feeling comfortable again, after all this time. you knew it because it was like this since the first time you met him and, years later, it surely didn’t change.

it was a spring day again; you missed him and he missed you. but now you were face to face.

[awhitehead17]

Universal Signs

Chapter 22 / Previous Chapter

A/N: WARNINGS! A panic attack does occur, so be please be aware of that. Something else to be mindful of is that this chapter is FULL of emotions so be prepared, you've been warned!

Also on AO3

Please enjoy! :D

He feels numb.

Tim doesn’t think there’s any other way to describe what he’s feeling in that moment. Sad, disappointed, despondent, happy, elevated, excited. There's whole mixture of emotions stirring inside of him, so when they combine it leaves him overwhelmingly numb.

He doesn’t see the ship take off but he knows when it leaves, there’s a gentle thrum in the air and strong gust of wind that catches him. Tim can’t believe it’s all over, he can’t believe that he’s back on Earth, that he’s almost home. There’s so many thoughts running through his mind along with so many questions he wants to ask and need answers to.

Tim purposely got Kon to drop him off in some fields just outside of Gotham city. The fields are an open space so there’s plenty of room to park and it’s a pretty much abandoned area so it was less likely someone would see them. The main road leading into the city isn’t too far away from the fields either, Tim plans to get to the road and hitchhike back to the city, perhaps someone may offer him a lift out of pity.

Tim shoulders the bag he’s got and continues forward. It’s crazy to think that in the next hour or so he’ll be reunited with his family. What will that be like? To see them all again after who knows how long? Will they be happy to see him?

Before those thoughts could get too far Tim shakes his head and tries to move away from them. If he thinks about it too hard then it’ll become too much to handle. The last thing he wants to happen in that moment is to become too overwhelmed and have some kind of breakdown. He needs to keep it together, just for a little longer because he’s almost there, it’s so close to being over.

Tim makes it to the side of the road and observes the various of vehicles zooming by. When was the last time he saw a car or a truck? Not only that, but the smell of patrol coming from the vehicles too?

Moving his attention away from the vehicles Tim continues on walking down the road, seeing Gotham City far up ahead. It’s currently light out, if he had to guess it may currently be around mid-afternoon, if he walks the entire way back to the city then it would probably be evening by the time he reaches it.

As he travels towards the city it’s easy to get lost in his thoughts, both negative and positive, and it certainly keeps him occupied as he walks over the gravel of the road. It’s not until a car pulls up in front of him that he comes out of his head and back into the present. Tim stops and frowns when he sees it’s a cop car that’s pulled over. He holds his breath as the driver climbs out and makes their way over to him, Tim has no idea on what to expect here, he’s almost tempted to turn back around and run into the trees.

The cop, a man around his mid-thirties wearing a cap and a GCPD uniform, stops a few feet away from him. He’s looking at Tim with an expression showing concern and confusion. “Hey there pal, what are you doing out here?”

Tim knows that he means well, but he does sound a little patronizing.

“I need to get to Gotham City.” Tim tells him without answering his question. How the hell was he supposed to answer that question? I got dropped off by some aliens in a spaceship because I’ve been in space for who knows how long because I was kidnapped and now I’m on my way home. Yeah right.

The cop seems to get the message that Tim wasn’t going to answer the question, he simply nods his head. “Yeah okay, I can give you a lift back. I’m Officer Ryan Peterson.” The man holds up his badge and Tim takes a moment to study it before nodding. The cop puts it away, staring at Tim as if he’s studying him and Tim could only watch back wearily, feeling rather sceptical about this situation. In the end the cop simply frowns and asks, “Have I seen you before, have we met?”

Tim blinks at the unexpectedness of the question. He raises an eyebrow. “No sir, I can’t recall us meeting.” Just because he’s weary doesn’t mean he’s going to be an asshole about it.

“What’s your name pal?”

Tim hesitates before answering, unsure whether to be truthful about it or not. Revealing the truth could make this go two ways. He tells the truth and then the cop takes him home and he gets reunited with his family or the cop could kidnap him and hold him hostage or something. (He’s from a rich family, hostage situations are unfortunately known to happen.)

Eventually he decides to chance it and tell the truth. “My name is Tim Drake.”

The cop’s eyes widen in surprise. He blinks at Tim for a moment as if trying to remember how to speak. “Tim Drake? As in Tim Drake-Wayne, missing son of the Bruce Wayne?”

Tim’s eyes widen in surprise, the cop knows he’s missing, he knows Tim’s family. “Yeah that’s right! Can you take me home? Please.”

“Pal, you’ve been missing for a long time. You’re really alive? Everyone is going to be ecstatic that you’re alive.” The officer gestures him over, “c’mon, let’s get you home and back to your family.”

Without waiting Tim hurries over to the car and climbs into the passenger’s side as the cop climbs into the driver’s seat. He starts the car up and then they’re on the road heading towards Gotham within seconds.

The officer glances at him. “I’m going to need to call this in, I hope you don’t mind. Unfortunately I’ll have to take you to the station before I can take you home.”

Tim feels his heart drop at the news. He shakes his head, almost feeling desperate. “No please. I need to go home. I need to see my family. Please! Once I’m there we can deal with all the legal stuff. I just need to see them.”

Peterson sighs and Tim stares at him pleadingly. The man switches between looking at the road and glancing at him several times before he speaks up sounding resigned. “Okay, fine. How about a compromise? I’ll still call it in but I’ll take you straight home. That sound okay?”

Figuring that’s the best he’s going to get, Tim nods in agreement. The cop smiles and reaches over the dashboard to grab his radio and speaks into it.

“Sir I’ve found Tim Drake-Wayne… No sir, he’s currently sitting right next to me. I was coming back from outside the city and found a boy walking alongside the main road on his own. I pulled over and spoke to him, it’s Tim Drake-Wayne, he looks exactly like the photos too. On my way back, just entering the city now.

No sir, I’m taking him straight home. I know, but he needs to go home first. I’m sure we can deal with the paperwork tomorrow while he reunites with his family tonight. If your daughter were missing wouldn’t you immediately want to be reunited at the first opportunity? Exactly, I’ll take him home, please call Mr Wayne in the meantime and we can continue the case later on. Thank you sir, I will.”

The cop returns the radio back to its place and sends Tim a sheepish smile.

“Sorry about that, really I should take you to the station where we can check you over, check your wellbeing, find out if you’re still in danger and sort paperwork out. We’ll have to definitely to discuss things with you and your family, but that can be at another time.

For now they’ll ring your dad and I’ll get you home. I’m assuming it’s the famous Wayne Manor correct?”

Tim nods and the cop goes quiet. As they travel through the city, Tim stares out of the window in disbelief. It feels like it’s been forever since he’s been in the city, it’s unreal. Eventually they break away from the city and head down a familiar road, as they drive closer and as the Manor comes into view Tim suddenly feels nauseated.

He’s excited and nervous and his stomach is going crazy. The feeling only heightens when they reach the gate to the Manor and Tim finds himself unable to look away. After all this time, he’s finally back. He’s finally home. A small part in the back of his mind comes up with the thought that this isn’t real, this isn’t happening, it’s like a dream and he’s going to wake up at any second.

The cop speaks into the intercom and soon enough the gates open up. Officer Peterson carefully drives through and follows the road up to the front of the Manor, as they approach Tim sees the doors open up. His breath catches in his throat as his family appear on the front steps. There’s Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason and Cass. There's another person that Tim doesn’t recognise but he doesn’t pay them much attention.

He’s brought out of his haze when Peterson speaks up next to him. Tim had forgotten where he is for a moment, completely absorbed into seeing his family for the first time in however long.

“You okay pal?” The cops asks sincerely. Tim could only stare at him. Silently blinking. “I know you’ve probably been through a lot and this is overwhelming but everything is okay now. You’re home safe and sound.”

Tim swallows thickly and in robotic movements he nods his head. He tells the copper thank you but barely registers the words as they leave his mouth. It isn’t until the cop gently encourages him that Tim finally moves to get out of the car.

Taking a deep breath Tim opens the door. As soon as his foot hits the ground it’s like he’s been unleashed, Tim shoots out the car and starts running up the stairs, taking two or three at the time, anything to get him closer to his family as soon as possible.

It’s about halfway up the staircase that he collides with someone, he isn’t even entirely sure who he’s hugging but he feels their arms around wrap around him, squeezing so hard that it hurts but Tim isn’t complaining. He wraps his own arms around their shoulders and clings back just as tightly.

After a few seconds he feels himself being moved, it’s only where he’s being picked up and lifted higher. Tim wraps his legs around the person’s torso and adjusts his arms so he’s now hugging their neck.

He isn’t even aware that he’s crying, doesn’t notice it until he has to breathe. He pulls his face away from where he buried it into the fabric covering the person’s shoulder. He takes a long shaky breath but finds he’s unable to control the tears streaming down his cheeks and the way his breath hitches as another sob breaks out of his throat.

There's a hand running up and down his back, a voice speaking unintelligible words into his ear, and the arms around him never loosen up.

After several long moments Tim attempts to get his breathing under control again. He moves away from the shoulder and looks up. Through blurry vision he finds Dick and Jason standing so close just opposite him, they’re watching him with open expressions. Seeing the two of them again makes him sob with uncontrolled happiness.

Tim glances to the side and finally works out that he’s in the arms of Bruce. His adoptive father has him wrapped up securely in a strong embrace.

He squeezes Bruce with his arms again and looks at him. “Bruce.”

Bruce pulls his own face away and he looks back at Tim, a wide relieved smile taking over his face. “Thanks the gods your back Tim. I was so worried. Thank god you’re okay.”

“I missed you.” Tim whispers he rests his head against Bruce’s shoulder again and continues on hugging him, unable to find it in himself to let go.

Eventually Bruce shifts, he begins to slowly drop Tim down to the ground, letting his legs fall from his waist until he’s standing steady on his feet. Tim reluctantly lets his father go, though Bruce must be feeling the same because he keeps a hand on Tim’s shoulder as they take a step apart.

Tim only gets a moment to himself before he’s being wrapped up in another pair of arms and this time he’s much quicker at recognising the person hugging him. Tim sighs as he feels Dick press him closely to his chest, his eldest brother’s arms wrapped firmly around his back and his head resting on top of Tim’s. Unable to help it, Tim sobs again. Overwhelmed by the strong onslaught of emotions.

The hug with Dick doesn’t last as long as it did with Bruce though its long enough for the two of them to be comforted. Once Tim leaves Dick’s arms he’s instantly being crushed by another pair, this time it being Jason’s.

Once he and Jason separate, Tim has a bit more control of himself. He’s continuously taking long deep breaths to try and compose himself, his brain still trying to wrap around the fact that he’s reunited with his family once again.

The next hug he receives is from his sister Cass. While she’s not as broad or built as the others, her hug is just as strong and means just as much. Their height is similar so Tim easily manages to press his head against hers and is able to wrap himself around her body more.

Once they separate Tim hugs Alfred. Seeing the elderly butler who’s practically a grandfather almost makes him break down again. He manages to control himself and is comforted by their hug, much gentler than the others but is just as soothing as the rest.

When they separate Tim takes a moment and wipes his eyes. He’s blinking at each of them as they all smile back. Tim can’t believe it. He’s finally home, back with his family once again.

As if he couldn’t help himself Bruce gets in his space again, his father wraps a single arm around his shoulders and tucks Tim into his side. Tim smiles and goes with it, finding the action reassuring and comforting. Bruce bends down and presses a kiss to Tim’s hair.

“Words cannot describe what I am feeling right now Tim.” Bruce tells him, his voice sounds thick with emotion and Tim could see some tears running down the man’s face. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

“Mr Wayne���”

The moment is interrupted by Officer Peterson who’s still around. Clearly he’s been giving them some space all of this time, if Tim’s being honest he had completely forgotten about the man.

The cop sends Bruce a sympathetic look as he begins to talk. “I know you want to spend time with your son and rejoice, but there are a couple things I need to discuss with you, like legal actions and what the near future will look like for you and your family.”

Bruce takes a deep breath and nods. “Of course. I understand. I want to thank you for bringing my son home.”

Peterson ducks his head. “No thanks needed Mr Wayne, I simply happened to be in the right place at the right time. I found Tim here walking alongside the main road just outside the city. There’s only a couple things I need to cover with you now but we can deal with the rest tomorrow.”

At that Bruce sends Tim a questioning look but doesn’t comment on it as he turns back to pay attention to the cop. Alfred also comes and stands beside them, taking in what was being said. Tim probably ought to pay attention as well because it’s clearly about him but he finds himself not able to. His attention is diverted when Dick appears in front of him and gently tugs him away from Bruce’s side.

Tim now finds himself in front of his siblings and for the first time he takes in their appearances. Dick and Jason both look slightly older, they both look broader too, like they’ve been frequently working out. Their hair styles have stayed the same, at best Dick’s looks a little longer down the back.

Cass appears to be the same as before too. Maybe the only noticeable difference is the way she carries herself, she seems like she’s much more comfortable and confident now.

Something that gets his attention, something that stops him in his tracks for the first time since opening that car door is when he makes eye contact with someone he doesn’t know.

This person seems to be a young teenager, he’s slim, slightly shorter than Tim, has black hair, an olive skin tone. There’s something familiar about him but Tim can’t pinpoint what it is. He knows he’s never met this kid before. The main question is however, what he doing here? He’s been lingering around at the back of the group like he’s not sure on what to do with himself, but he steadily meets Tim’s eyes with a confidence Tim hadn’t been expecting.

The others seem to have finally clicked that the two have noticed each other because his siblings shift about, creating some kind of circle between them all. Dick stands just to the right of the kid and places his hand on his shoulder.

Dick looks at Tim, watching him cautiously. His expression puts Tim on edge, he has no idea on what kind of news he’s about to receive. Who is this kid? They’re obviously all familiar with one another which leads to another question of how long has he been around for? Tim certainly didn’t meet him before disappearing.

“Tim.” Dick gets his attention. His eldest brother now looks almost uncomfortable. “This is Damian. Um, he’s uh, he’s - Damian is Bruce’s biological son.”

Tim blinks. He opens his mouth to say something but quickly shuts it again. Did Dick just say that Bruce has a biological son? As in his adoptive father has a teenage kid that he didn’t know about? He has another brother he was never aware of?

He’s stunned. Upon returning home that is certainly something he never expected to find out. How long has he been gone for!

“None of us knew about Damian.” Jason states firmly while frowning. It’s like he could read Tim’s mind, knowing what he’s thinking. “Bruce didn’t even know himself. Damian was dropped on the doorstep by his mother over a year ago where she left him with no explanations or anything of the sort. It’s like she had enough of Damian and decided to dump him on Bruce.”

As if the news of finding out that Bruce has a biological son wasn’t enough to rock his boat Jason dropping that bomb completely capsizes the boat. Tim feels himself freeze. He blinks at his brother trying to comprehend what he just heard.

“A year ago?” Tim repeats in disbelief. “He’s been around for a year? I’ve been gone for a year!” Tim can’t control the way his voice gets higher.

All of his sibling’s eyes widen at that before a look of sympathy, confusion and sadness washes over them. The change in emotions make Tim feel like he’s missing something else. “What? Don’t tell me there’s another kid or something...”

Dick steps forward and places a gentle hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him but all Tim feels is dread. The action isn’t like what Bruce had done earlier, it feels like Dick is about to deliver some grave news.

“Tim… you’ve been gone for two and a half years.”

Everything stops. No one moves a muscle as Tim just stares back in complete astonishment. That can’t be true…can it?

“Two years… two and a half years… I’ve been gone for two and a half years,” he mumbles underneath his breath trying to understand that information. As he tries to wrap his head around that his chest suddenly tightens and he finds himself unable to breathe. He gasps for air, clutching at his chest. “I can’t breathe. I-I can’t breathe.”

Everything around him blurs and all Tim can focus on is the pain inside his chest. Why can’t he breathe? Two years! He’s been gone for two fucking years? That’s practically three years of his life he’s lost!

His chest is burning now and he thinks he’s crying? At least that is what comes to mind when he feels wetness running down his cheeks. It’s hard to tell at this point.

Something gets his attention. There’s pressure somewhere on his body. He doesn’t know what it is but tries to reach out to it. The pressure moves and his hands are grabbed, Tim clings onto it. Finding the sensation grounding. He still can’t breathe but it’s something.

His hands are moved and now he’s touching something solid, something that’s steadily moving up and down. As well as the pressure Tim tries to focus on it, tries to keep his attention on the movement, it’s surprising when his head starts becoming a little clearer as he focuses on the steady rise and fall of whatever it is.

“Follow my breathing Tim, in and out. Tim can you do that for me, breathe in and breathe out.”

Right, right, breathing… he still can’t breathe, his chest hurts… why can’t he breathe…

“Tim follow my breathing, slowly in and out… copy my movements son…”

Tim’s trying to. The words are telling him to follow the movements and he does try but it’s difficult. As the object rises Tim breathes in and as it falls Tim breathes out. It takes a while but gradually Tim finds as the tightness in his chest eases he’s able to breathe easier.

He takes in one more deep breath before opening his eyes and looking around. In his mind it takes a moment for everything to register. He’s sat on the floor, curled up against someone’s side with his hands stretched out resting on that same person’s stomach.

His chest feels sore as does his head and everything feels a little fuzzy. After a minute he realises that he had a panic attack, a pretty bad one too.

“Tim?”

Tim looks up and finds that it’s Bruce who he’s resting against. Taking another breath Tim pushes himself away from Bruce and sits up. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry I just … yeah.”

Bruce doesn’t comment on what happened and Tim is grateful for that. Instead his adoptive father keeps him sat on the ground for a while, making sure he’s okay before helping him to stand up, and then offering him some support when Tim wobbles.

Tim glances around to find Officer Peterson is still around, looking at Tim with a frown, Dick is hovering just behind Bruce and Jason is up at the top of the stairs overlooking them all. Cass, Alfred and Damian aren’t anywhere to be seen.

“Why don’t we go inside and get some rest? There's been a lot to handle recently.”

Tim nods at Bruce’s suggestion. He feels exhausted. Everything from the overwhelming sensations of leaving the others to being reunited with his family and then experiencing a panic attack has really worn on him.

Bruce says something to the cop and then turns his attention to Tim, together they make their way up the stairs with Dick beside them and Jason watching them approach. Together the four of them enter Wayne Manor.

Tim wishes he’s more with it. He hasn’t seen the place in a long time and wants to appreciate being back home but he’s just too tired to take in all the details. Thankfully Bruce seems to pick up on this, his adoptive father begins to guide him towards the stairs which lead up to where the bedrooms are located.

“Why don’t we get some sleep? We can properly talk once you’re all rested up.”

Time passes in a blur and the next thing Tim is aware of is being tucked into a bed. A soft warm blanket is laid on top of him, a light pressure of a kiss is pressed against his hair and then everything fades away into nothing.

Everything is groggy when Tim wakes up. His head is pounding and he feels exhausted despite just having woken up.

He grips the blanket around him tighter and buries his head deeper into the pillow he’s lying on not wanting to face whatever is going to be thrown his way that day. They’ve been stationed on Krypton for several days so Tim doesn’t think they’ll be leaving any time soon and with the other’s punishments, there’s not a lot they can do. Maybe they’ll look into doing some training that day?

Settling his thoughts Tim takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the pillow as he does so and freezes. Why does it smell so familiar? Is his mind making things up or…

Tim shoots up right on the bed and wildly looks around, taking in his surroundings. It takes a moment for it all to sink in and when it does he slumps aback against the headboard of the bed he’s on.

He’s home. It wasn’t a dream. He really did return to Earth and reunite with his family. How did he forget that?

He’s in one of the guest’s bedrooms in the Manor. The walls and décor are all neutral colours, making it seem open and warm, there were beams of light peaking out of the drawn curtains across the windows.

Tim doesn’t know how to feel about not being in his personal bedroom, obviously they’ve put him in here on purpose. Did they still have his room or did they clear it all out when he disappeared? Tim’s not sure and in that moment he’s not sure if he wants to know.

When he glances around the room again, this time his eyes land on a pile of clothes placed on the desk opposite the bed. Upon seeing those Tim realises he’s still dressed in the clothes he wore back from the ship and realises that he desperately wants a shower. The bag he brought from the ship is there too, sitting on the ground unopened. The policeman must have passed it over to someone and they’ve then brought it in.

Grabbing the clean clothes Tim heads for the ensuite attached to the guest bedroom. It’s an open bathroom with plenty of space and Tim wastes no time in starting the shower up.

He only pauses once he’s taken off the shirt and sees the necklace hanging from around his neck. Tim had forgotten about it. It was the gift Doctor Fate had given him when he sorted out Cassie’s enchanted bracelets. Tim studies it closely, seeing the red gemstone glisten brightly when the light hits it. It’s supposedly a cloaking device but Tim doesn’t know how much he believes that, then again does he have a reason to not trust it?

Deciding to not think about it too much, Tim leaves it on, he then proceeds to take off the rest of his clothes and jumps into the shower.

Once Tim is done with his shower, now feeling clean and refreshed, he heads down to the kitchen. Tim takes his time to get there though, he travels at a slow pace as he takes in the feel for being back at home, seeing the corridors of the Manor that he grew up in and remembering everything that’s occurred in them.

When Tim arrives at the kitchen he finds it occupied by Jason and Alfred. Jason is sat at the kitchen island eating something and playing on his phone while Alfred is by the sink scrubbing dishes.

“Look who’s finally decided to get up.” Jason comments smirking at him as he walks into the room. “We thought you were going to end up sleeping all day.”

Taking a seat next to Jason, Tim frowns. “What do you mean? How long have I been asleep for?”

“About 16 hours. It’s nearly lunch time, you’ve been asleep since yesterday evening.”

Tim blinks. He’s both surprised and not by that news. He must have really needed to rest and recharge to be asleep that long.

“How about some food Master Timothy? You must be feeling rather famished at this point.” Alfred asks observing him from the other side of the room.

Tim freezes when he hears Alfred voice, or rather at the words he said. Master. That’s what he used to call Ra’s Al Ghul when he was first kidnapped. Will he be able to handle hearing it again, and not only that but being called that even in a different context?

“Tim?”

Tim snaps his gaze to the side to find Jason wearily watching him. Tim looks at him for a moment before he realises he had zoned out and still needs to answer Alfred. He looks over at the butler, “Uh sorry, yes please to food Alfred. If you don’t mind.”

Alfred studies him for a moment but doesn’t comment on his behaviour, instead he smiles and starts preparing Tim some food. Tim glances down at fiddles with his fingers anxiously, he’ll need to talk to Alfred about that. Hopefully the butler won’t get offended with Tim asking him to stop, but Tim doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to handle the reminder all the time.

A tense silence fills the kitchen and it makes Tim feel guilty. He doesn’t mean to put Alfred and Jason in an awkward position but he’s grateful that neither of them ask him any questions about anything.

In the end Tim turns and faces Jason who’s still on his phone. Tim stares at it for a long time, taking in the difference from this phone and the one he remembers. It makes him realise that this is just one of many things he’s missed in his two and a half years away.

“How have you been Jason?” Tim asks his brother. He knows a lot of attention will be focused on him but he wants to reconnect with his family too. He wistfully wonders what things he’s missed in his sibling’s lives (beside Damian, that’s an entirely different matter altogether).

Jason side eyes him, pursing his lips as if debating on what to tell Tim. “Up and down.” He says in the end. Tim almost rolls his eyes at the vague answer. “I finished my qualification.”

Tim perks up at hearing that. “Oh really, congrats! So what are you doing now work wise?”

As they discuss Jason’s work, Alfred drops a sandwich in front of Tim and leaves them be. It takes all of Tim’s effort to split his attention between listening to Jason and not being overwhelmed by the sandwich. When was the last time he had normal human food?

They talk for a while, changing from topic to topic but stay away from anything big and heavy. Tim finds out, that other than Damian, thankfully nothing major has changed in anyone’s lives. There’s been job changes and a few family arguments but nothing life changing to say. Tim is relieved to find this out. There's a few things worldwide that he’s missed but Jason’s told him that he can catch up with all that later on, it’s nothing to really fret about.

Their conversation is interrupted when Bruce and Dick enter the kitchen. They’re pleased to see that he’s awake and ask about how he’s feeling while both giving him a hug. Tim soaks in the attention, not minding it at all, and is yet again relieved to find that they don’t ask him any major questions.

However that relief instantly vanishes when Bruce sceptically asks Tim is he’s willing to talk to the police so they could clear some stuff up. Tim freezes, unsure on what to do. In the back of his mind he knew that he would need to talk to the police but he knows that they’ll be asking questions which he doesn’t think he’s ready to answer yet.

In the end he agrees to do it, he goes with Bruce and Dick and they take him to the library where two policemen are waiting. There's the cop from yesterday and the commissioner.

Tim doesn’t tell them anything. After an internal debate on what to do, he refuses to speak about anything that’s happened to him. He doesn’t say where he’s been, who (and what) he’s encountered and nothing about how he returned home. The only information he gives is how he knows he’s no longer in danger, nor is his family, from those who originally took him.

Of course Tim can’t guarantee it but there’s no way he’s saying that Earth may or may not be attacked by some alien assassins. He doesn’t think that’ll go down well.

The police prod him for more details but Tim doesn’t budge on it. Eventually they give in and say they’re only a phone call away when he does want to share more. Bruce sees them out after that while Dick stays behind with Tim.

During the entire conversation Tim could feel Dick watching him, his brother’s concerned gaze never once leaving him the entire time. Tim would snap at him for staring if it were different circumstances. Dick gets up from the chair he’s been sat on and approaches Tim on the opposite couch. His brother crouches down in front of him and places a gentle hand on Tim’s knee, rubbing it soothingly.

“Tim, I know that there’s a lot going on inside your mind and that’s completely understandable, I also get why you may not want to talk to the police but I want you to know if you ever, and I mean it, if you ever want to talk about what happened then I’m happy to listen. I won’t judge, I won’t ask questions, all I’ll do is listen. Please don’t shut us out, you’re not alone, we’re all here for you okay.”

Hearing Dick talk, Tim feels his emotions building up inside of his chest. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths to control himself. Opening his eyes back up Tim looks up and meets Dick’s. “Thank you Dick. I’m – I’m just not ready yet. I don’t know when I will be either. There’s so much I need to catch up on, so much that I’ve missed both in our family and around the world. I know you’re there for me no matter what.”

Opposite him Dick looks tearful and Tim feels bad for making Dick like that. Without thinking about it Tim stands up, encouraging Dick to do the same, before he’s giving his brother a hug. Dick instantly hugs him back, resting his head on top of Tim’s.

“I missed you Timmy. Everyday.”

“I missed you too. I never stopped thinking about you from the moment we got separated.”

They only break apart when Bruce enters the room, laughing lightly as they do so. Now alone away from the police, Bruce tells Tim pretty much what Dick said to him. If he wants to talk then he would listen no matter what. Obviously Bruce would like to know the details but he’s not going to force Tim into talking before he’s ready too. Tim appreciates this and politely tells Bruce what he told Dick.

After that the three of them spend a few hours together. As Tim had done with Jason, he gets updates on Bruce and Dick’s personal lives. Other than Damian appearing, nothing major has happened. Dick got a couple work promotions and Bruce’s company currently has the highest numbers it’s ever gotten which is impressive.

Following their catch up, Tim retreats back to the guest room he woke up in. He hasn’t yet found out the current status of his bedroom but Tim figures that he isn’t in that much of a rush to do so.

He crashes onto the bed and buries his face into the pillow. He hasn’t done much that day but he feels exhausted. It’s still sinking in that he’s returned home, he’s back with his family and no longer in imminent danger all the time.

Tim thinks about everything, his thoughts reeling all over the place. He had refused to talk to the police about what happened, not budging in the slightest to give them any details on what happened to him. Tim hadn’t been lying when he said he isn’t ready to talk yet, he needs time to comprehend everything and then he needs to decide if he going to actually come out with the truth  or make up a cover story.

What are the chances his family and the police are going to believe he got kidnapped by aliens? If it didn’t happen to Tim he certainly wouldn’t believe it. They would end up thinking he’s cracked and try to send him to therapy or even ship him to an insane asylum like Arkham.

He could always try telling them half of the truth? Isn’t there a saying along the lines of “the best lies are half-truths”. Tim could pick out areas of what he’s been through but simply leave out details, like the biggest detail being that it all occurred in space.

Tim lets out a groan, he doesn’t know what to do!

For the next few days Tim feels like a ghost. He floats around the Manor not entirely sure on what to do with himself. His family are tiptoeing around him as if the smallest of things may trigger him off, it leaves Tim feeling agitated and frustrated.

On the most part Tim feels fine. Physically he’s okay, just slightly underweight but Alfred is working with him to get him eating regularly again which includes a variety of foods and supplements that he needs to function.

Mentally though is a little bit questionable. Tim knows on the most part he’s okay however there is a bout of paranoia coursing through him, anxiety often comes and goes, he gets flashbacks at random intervals which leaves him feeling disorientated, nightmares happen each night and he often loses track of time (mostly because he forgets he can now actually track it again by using clocks).

More often than not he’s with a family member, they certainly don’t want to leave him on his own nor be too far away from him, so a lot of his time is occupied but those times when he’s not with someone Tim has to try and find something to do. His siblings have taken it upon themselves to write him a list of things he's missed and needs to catch up on so Tim spends a good amount of time browsing the internet researching those things. It ranges from political news to the most recent meme.

Throughout this it doesn’t help that the main thing on his mind is whether he should tell everyone the truth or not. It’s like he’s carrying a massive weight on his shoulders and it’s heavily weighing him down. Thankfully none of them have yet pushed him to talk but Tim can tell they’re itching to ask, it’s only so long until they break their restraint. Tim still hasn’t decided what to do.

At one point, several days after arriving home, Tim is aimlessly wondering the halls of the Manor, taking in all the details he remembers and picks up on anything new that has been added in his absence.

In one particular hallway Tim comes across a painting, it’s a family portrait and looks like it’s been done fairly recently. The picture is of Bruce, Alfred, Dick and Cass. They’re dressed up in formal attire, like something they all would wear to a gala. The men are suits made of different shades of grey with different coloured shirts and ties while Cass is in a simple black dress, it’s plain but it suits her and she pulls it off fantastically.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there staring at the picture, it’s very well painted, uniquely capturing all of their features and the details of their clothing, it’s so good that it could pass as a photograph rather than a painting.

“This took seven weeks to complete. I gifted it to father as a present for his birthday.”

Tim shits his pants when a voice speaks up. He startles badly and snaps his head to the side to find Damian standing nearby looking at him. Tim takes a deep breath and tries to settle his pounding heart. “Jesus christ, don’t do that!”

Damian stares back unimpressed. After a moment his words catch up to Tim and his eyes widen, he glances between the painting and Damian. “You painted this? Holy shit that’s incredible.”

“Thank you Timothy. I was unsure on what to gift father and Richard suggested to do something personal. Father was pleased with it.”

Tim nods still blown away by the apparent talent this kid has. “I can imagine.”

They stand there together silently in the corridor and Tim takes a moment to study Damian. Finding out Damian’s existence had been a shock, one of the two biggest ones upon returning home, and Tim didn’t know how to approach it. He hasn’t spoken to Damian at all since coming back, this in fact has been their first conversation.

Being around the teenager feels off but Tim figures that’s because he doesn’t know him, he isn’t familiar with his presence in the manor and in the family. Tim is still adjusting to being back so there’s already a lot on his plate and this just adds to it.

Tim is aware of Damian’s story, the others have caught him up on it. None of them had been expecting it, even Bruce didn’t know about the kid, so Tim couldn’t be annoyed at that. He still feels off about it though, but deep down he knows he’ll adjust to having Damian around just like all the others had done.

“I was on my way to the library, would you like to accompany me?” Damian asks breaking the silence between them.

Tim blinks, surprised at the offer but nods. “Sure, I’m not doing anything.”

Together they quietly make their way to the library. Being with Damian is different, it doesn’t feel like the kid is itching to ask him a million questions on what happened to him, it’s like he’s content to just let Tim be and Tim finds that refreshing. However it does add more to his conflicting emotions about the kid.

They enter the room and take separate couches. Damian grabs a book from the side while Tim simply plonks down onto a cushion not bothering with anything.

“You had been gone a year when I arrived here. Despite it being that long they never stopped searching for you. Father had private investigators on speed dial, he would jump every time someone called, every event the Wayne’s attended father would plead for your return.”

Tim feels himself stop and he looks at the kid who is only focused on the book in his lap.

“I admit at first I had been jealous of you Timothy. Even though you had not been here you still occupied so much of father’s mind. As that all happened it was Richard who taught me what it is like to be part of the family, who taught me to accept and to care. I hadn’t been an easy addition, I see that now, but we all found common ground in the end. As time went by the search never ended, the hope of you returning was always there.”

At Damian’s words Tim could feel himself welling up. Just hearing that they never stopped looking for him was nearly enough to send him over the edge. He hadn’t even been on Earth but they never stopped looking.

Tim buries his face in his hands and takes a few shaky breaths to collect himself together. He doesn’t know why Damian is telling him these things but he finds that he appreciates it. Damian hadn’t been there when it first happened, he’ll see the whole situation from a different perspective.

That’s enough for Tim to solidify that he wants to get to know Damian. The honesty at the start and the way he opened up about his arrival is enough to convince Tim.

Eventually he drops his hands and glances at Damian. “I’m sorry that’s how your introduction to the family went, it couldn’t have been easy. By the sounds of it, you’ve already been through a lot of character progression and I would like to get to know you. I already know that you can paint, what else do you like to do?”

They talk for a couple hours and Tim finds it interesting. The two of them in fact have very little in common and there’s a clear line where it’s kind of awkward for both of them but Tim does enjoy getting to know the kid. They don’t have to like one another straight away, but this is a good steppingstone, at least that’s what Tim thinks.

Apparently Dick must have similar thoughts because of the proud and pleased grin he sends the two of them when he walks in on their conversation hours later.

Each day is different as it passes by. There are good days and there are bad days. The good days are when Tim’s feeling content and adjusted to being back home. The bad days are when everything comes crashing down on him, the anxiety, the disorientation and even paranoia become too overwhelming for him to handle.

Nightmares are common too, unfortunately Tim has the feeling that they won’t be going away any time soon. They mostly consist of flashbacks of what happened when he had been trapped with Ra’s Al Ghul, mainly of all the torment and torture he had endured.

He knows that his family are concerned and how they’re getting more worried each day, Tim’s even overheard Bruce say to Alfred about getting him to go see a doctor or a therapist. It annoys Tim that Bruce has suggested it but at the same time he understands the reason behind it.

Another mental barrier Tim is facing is focused on his old bedroom. Since returning Tim’s been based in the guest bedroom, it’s quickly becoming his permanent one because he can’t find it in himself to go back to his old one. According to his family his old room hasn’t been touched, meaning it’s the exact same as it had been the day he was kidnapped. Tim finds himself unable to go into the room, it’s like he’ll be forced to remember the Tim that was kidnapped and realise that’s not the same Tim who has returned. He’s different now than to what he was almost three years ago.

It’s been about a week and a half since his return now and Tim still hasn’t spoken about what happened to him, he still refuses to answer any sort of question about his kidnapping and disappearance. Tim’s aware that it isn’t healthy to keep it all bottled up inside but he hasn’t yet decided on whether he’s going to tell them the truth or not. It’s a constant debate he has with himself, even going as far as making a pros and cons list to help him decide on what to do.

It’s only when Jason accidently walks in on him while shirtless that Tim realises he can’t continue with the silence anymore. He finally cracks under the weight of the secrets he’s been hiding from everyone.

After coming out of the shower, Tim had only been dressed in a towel which was wrapped around his waist. Typically he forgot to take clothes into the bathroom with him but he didn’t think of it too much as an issue considering it’s an ensuite. As he had been getting his clothes out to wear for the day, his bedroom door swings open without warning and Jason comes striding in like he owns the place.

Tim is livid at the audacity Jason has to just stroll into his bedroom like that, thank god he had a towel on or else it’ll be extremely embarrassing for both parties involved. Tim turns to scald his brother but stops short when he finds Jason frozen in place staring at him with wide eyes and a horrified expression.

Tim frowns, not understanding Jason’s behaviour. Surely it’s not that much of a shock to see him half naked? Sure he’s not muscular, but its only pale skin on show so what else could there be…

It’s embarrassing how long it takes for it to click and once it does it’s Tim’s turn to be horrified. He feels his heart drop and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

The scars.

Jason’s just seen all of the scars on his back. All the ones he’s received from the torture he’s endured, where the healing cream had helped close the wounds but left scars behind nonetheless.

The two of them stand there staring at one another for a long time, neither of them moving or saying anything. Tim doesn’t know whether he wants to run and hide or break down crying. How the hell was he supposed to explain the scars? Jason wasn’t supposed to see them, no one was! What’s he going to do?

“Hey Jason, did you ask Tim – what are you guys doing?” Dick’s voice breaks the two of them out of the weird trance they had fallen into. The eldest of the three had come to the room to find out what had been taking Jason so long to ask Tim a question and finds them having a stare off while Tim is undressed.

With no explanations Jason spins around, grabs the front of Dick’s t-shirt and yanks him into the bedroom and slams the door shut behind him. Dick stumbles in and glares at Jason, he crosses his arms over his chest and silently demands for an explanation.

Jason glares back before pining Tim with a look. “Tim turn around.”

Tim continues to stare at Jason in horror, his eyes would occasionally flicker to Dick in the same response. Tim doesn’t know what to do. Both of his brothers are looking at him expectantly, Jason with fire and concern in his eyes and Dick with confusion and worry.

In the end Tim thickly swallows and slowly turns around so his back is to his brothers. He takes controlling breaths to help ground him as the scars are displayed, he ignores the soft gasp that emits from Dick.

After counting to thirty Tim moves again and shoves a jumper on wanting to hide his back from sight. He quickly dresses into some sweatpants too, there’s no way he’s about to have this conversation half naked and dressed in a towel.

The room is filled with a heavy silence and Tim feels vulnerable. He hates it. Jason and Dick are staring at him with pity in their eyes along with concern, anger and genuine sadness. It’s crazy to think that Tim can still read his brothers well even after years apart.

“Tim,” Jason sighs, he runs a hand over his head before settling into a tight posture with his arms crossed over his chest, “we have been ignoring the elephant in the room since you’ve returned out of respect for you and I think it’s time that we finally ask. What the hell happened to you while you were gone Tim? Those scars man… what the fuck?”

Tim slumps onto the bed, leaning back against the headboard. Jason stays standing while Dick lowers himself onto the opposite end of the mattress.

In that moment Tim knew he couldn’t hold it back anymore. One moment to the next, everything spills out of Tim’s mouth. It’s like a dam has been broken and all the water is gushing out.

Tim tells them everything.

He describes being taken from Earth and waking up strapped to a table, to becoming a slave, how he escaped, how he was saved and looked after and the crazy adventures he ended up being part of. He talks about the aliens and creatures he encountered, the different planets he visited, how he was injured, how he was kidnapped again, how he was tortured followed by being rescued a second time, how he spent days recovering with the others and finally how he returned home.

There are details he missed of course, his mind is in too much of a frenzy to remember everything but he thinks he covers the majority of it. By the end of his story, Dick is hugging him tightly and Jason is sat on the end of the bed. Tears were running down his face, Dick is in the same boat and opposite him Jason appears to be impassive.

Tim sobs into Dick’s chest, holding him tightly as everything comes out. So many emotions coming together and erupting as a noisy and snotty mess.

It takes some time but eventually Tim calms down and wipes his face with his sleeve as he pushes away from Dick. He leans back against the headboard and fiddles with his sleeve.

“So there, that’s what happened to me.” Tim bites out, feeling rather bitter. “Are you finally happy to know? Call me crazy, call me insane because aliens don’t exist or whatever but that’s the truth. Take it or leave it. Those scars are the result of what I have had to endure.”

His brothers remain quiet for a long time, he’s not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He doesn’t push for them to talk however, there’s a lot of information to understand and that’s even if they believe it.

“So aliens took you…” Dick drawls out, looking kind of constipated, “did you ever find out why?”

Tim shakes his head. “Not really. Apparently the one who took me just thought I was interesting or something. Out of the billions of humans there are and he chooses me.” He laughs in disbelief.

“What if he takes you again?” Jason questions suspiciously.

At this point Tim doesn’t know if they’re simply humouring him or if they genuinely believe everything he just told them. Either way he answers their questions the best he could. “Hopefully that won’t happen. I got given this gem, it’s supposedly a cloaking device, as long as I wear it I’m hidden from the League so they can’t track me.”

They fall into silence again and Tim sits there waiting for more questions, or even a disbelieving laugh. When nothing comes Tim frowns and glances at his brothers. “Do you believe me?”

Dick sighs and rubs his hands over his face. “Its certainly a lot to comprehend but I don’t think you would make all of that up. Also it kind of explains why we never found you. You weren’t even on the planet, of course no one would be able find you.”

“That day Tim,” Jason starts, his voice sounds think and he looks haunted, “that day was awful. I don’t even think there’s a word to describe what that day was like really. Turning away just for a moment and then looking back to find you gone…”

It shatters Tim’s heart to see his normally strong-willed brother breaking down. Unable to help himself Tim crawls across the bed and throws his arms around Jason’s neck, capturing him in a hug. His brother doesn’t cry but he hugs back, squeezing Tim tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Tim whispers brokenly, feeling his own emotions rising again, “I’m so sorry you both had to go through that. Every day I thought about what you two had to go through, me disappearing like that, and it was horrendous. I’m so sorry.”

A hand appears on Tim’s back, making him look away from Jason. Dick has moved closer, rubbing a comforting hand across his back. Dick has tears in his eyes again and when he speaks his voice is hoarse with emotion. “It’s okay Timmy, it’s not your fault. We never blamed you. It’s never been your fault. You’re here now right, we got you back, that’s all that matters.”

Tim nods and swallows the bubble that’s formed in his throat. Doing his best to keep control of his emotions, Tim smiles sadly. “Yeah. I’m back. I’m not okay, but I will be.”

He pulls away from Jason and the man wipes his eyes, still stubbornly refusing to cry. Tim snorts softly, he’s pleased to find Jason hasn’t changed all that much. The man looks up, glancing between him and Dick. “So what do you want to do? Do you want to tell Bruce everything you told us or stay quiet about it? Since you were taken by aliens - what the fuck is all that about – the police can’t exactly do anything. They’re still going to want a statement or some shit.”

Tim shakes his head in denial. “No. I don’t want to tell Bruce, at least not yet. Look I know how it sounds, its crazy, the whole thing is just bananas. I don’t know if Bruce will believe it or not and we’re absolutely not telling the authorities! They’ll just straight up send me to a therapist or an asylum.”

Dick and Jason both blink at him and Tim glares back. “I am not going to see a therapist, no matter how much you think I need to. End of discussion.”

His brothers hum and Tim knows that they’ll be revisiting that topic at a later date despite his protests. He decides to ignore it for now, he’ll deal with it when that bridge comes around.

“I will tell him, I promise,” Tim sighs, “Just let me adjust being back home and everything then I’ll tell him. Please don’t tell him, or anyone else.”

They both stare at him for a long time before they look at each other, and even though Tim’s been away for a long time he can still recognise the “over-protective older brothers” looks and silent conversation. Tim pouts, not liking he can’t tell what they’re thinking, he just knows its about him.

They turn back to him a moment later. “We won’t tell anyone, however you have to come to one of us any time there’s some kind of issue or you need someone to talk to about anything.”

Tim sends them a glare, he’s practically being blackmailed for their silence. Huffing Tim throws his arms up dramatically. “Okay fine, I’ll talk to one of you. You both know now anyway, it’ll make it slightly easier to deal with.”

They send him matching smug grins. “Glad to hear it.”

“So I know that you’ve been through some pretty horrific stuff, but there sounds like there was some positive stuff too.” Dick comments sounding intrigued. “What was that team like who saved you? What planets did you visit, how different is space life compared to Earth?”

Tim smiles, now these were the kind of questions he actually doesn’t mind answering. It’s going to be great that he can excitedly tell someone about how mind blowing being in space was, of course ignoring all the bad stuff that happened in between.

Things weren’t perfect, far from it but he’s home, he’s back with his family and he has a group of aliens to thank for that. Tim knows its going to take a while to adjust and settle back into human life, if he ever settles at all, but he gets to live his life knowing something that only others ever dream about.

[fellulahh]

‘Mammon visits MC in the human realm and Lucifer gets jealous’ Part 13/???

Read Part 12 here!

-

Even the idea of it made him absolutely livid. There was no way he’d ever allow the demons of Devildom to think MC was carrying Diavolo’s baby. No...never.

The only issue was...

‘Am I ready to accept that you’re my baby?

-

It was a warm evening in Devildom as Mammon and MC sat on her bed chatting. It felt like it’d been years since they were last together. Like two best friends having a gossip, they talked until their jaws ache.

“So what’s it like bein’ pregnant?” He asked her curiously as he laid on his back. “Do you like it?”

“Yes and no.” She answered truthfully, “I mean there are some horrible parts to pregnancy that I haven’t enjoyed but then there are moments which makes me forget about all of the bad stuff.” She smiled to herself.

“Like havin’ the baby scan?” He asked, interested in their conversation.

“Exactly like that.” She nodded.

“I’ll tell ya what, I’ve never seen Lucifer get so funny over a photo!” Mammon laughed, “I tried to have a look at it the other day and he snatched it out of my hands - he now keeps it in a frame in his study.”

“He does?” MC smiled. She hadn’t even thought what he’d do with it.

“Yeah? Didn’t ya know?” Mammon asked surprised.

“No I didn’t...but I haven’t actually seen him since the scan. We’ve been talking from time to time but then he’ll get caught up with something.” She sighed, “But I’m happy he’s making small time for me now. I was beginning to think he’d never talk to me again.”

“Sounds like Lucifer.” Mammon nodded, “if it makes ya feel better he hasn’t even had time for us brothers either and we’re far more important. I can’t remember the last time he ate with us!”

“Sounds like Diavolo’s really working him hard...” MC sighed to herself. She understood that Lucifer made a pledge to him and went behind his back to see her but surely even Diavolo would understand how important it is for Lucifer to spend time with his baby? ‘Perhaps deep down he doesn’t even want it and this is all just one big excuse’

“Speaking of which, how is it livin’ with the Prince? You gotten used to it yet?” Mammon asked, changing the subject slightly, distracting MC from her thoughts.

“I don’t think I could ever get used to living here.” She chuckled, glancing at the room, “it’s nice though.” She nodded, “Diavolo takes good care of me, he’s been there for me a lot considering he’s the Prince of Devildom. Oh! He was actually really sweet the other day: when I came home from the doctors I showed him my scan and he was really happy! He told me mine and the baby’s souls are radiating.” She rambled with a big grin on his face.

The last part of her sentence caught his attention.

Turning his head to her, he arched an eyebrow. “He said what?” He asked unsure. Mammon couldn’t believe the words that fell from her mouth.

“Mine and the baby’s souls are radiating.” She repeated with a smile, “don’t you feel it too?”

‘He can sense her soul?’

“I—er of course!” He mumbled awkwardly.

“Why are you going all weird for?” She scoffed amused, “it’s only Diavolo - you don’t have to get funny about him.”

Realising how obvious his awkward reaction was, Mammon quickly snapped out of his mood. “Sorry! Guess I’m just not used to him gettin’ to spend all this time with ya.” He covered smoothly. “Ya better not be here too long!”

“I know.” MC said with sad eyes, placing a hand on top of his. He quickly glanced up to meet her eyes. “I hope it won’t be forever.”

-

Mammon marched through the door to the House of Lamentation. His face was sheer panic as he frantically rushed through the hallways, running toward Lucifer’s study. As soon as he reached it, he practically fell into the room with a deep breath.

“Mammon? What is the meaning of this?!” Lucifer asked sternly, surprised to be seeing his brother.

“Ya gotta listen to me!” Mammon cried, hastily making his way to Lucifer’s desk, slamming in hands down on the surface, “ya gotta go and see MC.”

“Why?” Lucifer asked, immediately concerned as he stood up. “Is it the baby?”

“No.” Mammon panted, “it’s Diavolo.”

“Diavolo?” Lucifer questioned, his face scrunching as he did so.

“I think he’s in love with MC!” Mammon exclaimed.

“In love?! What brought you to this ridiculous conclusion?” Lucifer seethed, trying to convince himself that Mammon was being overly dramatic and had gotten completely the wrong end of the stick.

“MC told me today that Diavolo could sense her soul and the baby’s.” Mammon spoke quickly.

“She did? What else did she say?” Lucifer asked with wide eyes.

“Nothing.” Mammon breathed, “I think she’s forgotten what it means - she seems to think all demons can sense souls.”

“They can.” Lucifer sighed, “when they’re in love...” His face was hard as he glared down at his desk, collecting his thoughts. “Are you certain this is what she said?” He asked, his voice suddenly quiet.

“Well yeah, MC told me herself.” Mammon shrugged.

Lucifer ran a stressed hand through his black hair. He knew there was something odd going on with the Prince but he never expected it to be this. “There has to be an explanation.” Lucifer sighed.

“Well if ya think that’s true go and talk to Diavolo! Ask him straight up.” Mammon insisted. “Ya don’t wanna lose MC to the Prince of Devildom...how are ya supposed to compete with him?!”

“That’s not helpful, Mammon.” Lucifer shook his head, face palming.

“Never mind what I’m saying! What are ya still doin’ here?!”

“I’m going to the palace. You’re now in charge of dinner duty.” Lucifer stated as he made his way over to the door.

Mammon would usually object but on this occasion he allowed it. All he wanted was for his older brother to be happy - he’d never forgive himself if Diavolo stole MC from him and he did nothing to stop it.

-

“So what brings you here, Lucifer?” Diavolo asked as he shut thr notepad he had in front of him. “I presume you didn’t come here just to talk about your duties.” He spoke with an arched eyebrow.

“Forgive me My Lord, I was hoping to speak to you about MC.” Lucifer breathed cautiously. “I understand you’ve been taking care of her for some time now...” he was hesitant to continue. Just Diavolo’s cold glare was enough to make him want to go back on himself. “I’d just like to know she’s in safe hands.”

“You’re questioning me now?” Diavolo asked surprised before chuckling, “Lucifer please, she’s safe here. I have Barbatos waiting on her on hand and feet - she has everything she could ever ask for.”

“So you’re happy for her to stay with you? I understand that her return to Devildom was unexpected and it was a very rash decision for her to stay at the palace.” Lucifer spoke slowly, “I hope this isn’t too much trouble.”

“Trouble? How could I see it as trouble when it was myself who insisted she stayed?” Diavolo eyed him. He leant forward in his seat, leaning his forearms on the desk. “Unless...that’s not what you’re really asking me?” He asked quietly, a dark glint in his eyes. “What is it you’d really like to know, Lucifer?”

“Do you love her?” He asked abruptly.

Diavolo remained cool despite the interrogation. “Love her?” He questioned with a chuckle, “Lucifer you understand I brought MC into my home to protect her and that baby because your child is the key to our realm uniting with the humans?” He asked offended. “I don’t appreciate you taking my gesture as a ploy to push you out and romance her. My true care is the realm.”

Lucifer suddenly felt stupid when he heard Diavolo say it back to him. He cursed himself for listening to Mammon.

“I understand that you’ve had doubts about MC and her pregnancy but to make these accusations about me to try and distract yourself from your own fears is not the way to go about things.” Diavolo spoke calmly. “MC is here because it’s the safest place she could be. Your baby won’t be harmed for as long as she’s under my roof.”

Lucifer was quiet for a moment, feeling ashamed. “I apologise, My Lord. It would seem my own worries have clouded my judgement.”

“As I thought.” He nodded, “Is that all?”

“That is all.” He sighed, “I’m going to stop in and see MC and then I’ll be off.”

“You may stay for dinner if you wish?” Diavolo offered.

“No thank you. Unfortunately I am still making my way through the reports that you gave me.”

Diavolo nodded as Lucifer left the room. His stare remained on the door as the eldest brother disappeared. His heartbeat was a little quicker than usual as his gaze flickered across the room.

Lucifer shook his head as he approached MC’s room. He felt absolutely mortified after the conversation he’d just had with Diavolo. If there was anything that could take his mind off things though it was the human hiding in the depths of the palace.

Her door was open when he appeared. As soon as he entered the room he could see her out on the balcony; hands resting on the railings as the breeze blew through her hair. A smile crept onto his face as he stepped through the room, relief filling his body as he came into contact with her.

“Long time no see.” He spoke softly, leaning against the doorframe to the balcony.

MC spun around as she heard his voice. She had a wide smile on her face as she approached him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Diavolo and couldn’t leave without seeing you.”

The gesture made her heart feel warm. She wasted no time wrapping her arms around him. His whole body eased when she embraced him; it was the first time he’d felt relaxed since his conversation with Mammon.

The pair of them pulled out of their embrace and moved back into the bedroom. Laying on her bed, they faced each other as they began conversing. While MC was speaking, Lucifer’s eyes kept trailing to her prominent bump. MC noticed that he kept staring but didn’t say anything.

“How have you been?” She asked him softly as she tilted her head.

“Bu—“

“Busy?” She answered for him with a laugh, “I thought so.”

“I am trying, MC.” He sighed, feeling his heart sink a little.

“I know you are - and I appreciate it.” She nodded sincerely. She was about to say something else but after feeling a new sensation in her stomach, she quickly forgot all about what she wanted to talk back. “Oh!” She smiled, confusing Lucifer. Before he could ask what on Earth was happening, she grabbed his hand and pulled it toward her. “Feel this.” She insisted, as she placed his palm around the curve of her bump.

Lucifer’s body froze as he felt it. Nerves began lacing throughout him as he held her belly. As he waited for movement, his heart was racing. ‘What if the baby stops kicking now that I’m holding her?’

With an incredibly worried expression, Lucifer’s hand remained on MC. But suddenly, he felt a small force against him. It was only little, bit he could feel the movement as the baby stretched. His breath hitched in his throat. MC was surprised by the unsure look he had on his face but she put it down to the fact he’d never felt anything like this before.

Letting out a shaky breath, Lucifer’s eyes met hers. “There it is.”

[sokka-with-his-hair-down]

I love your art...how? No seriously can you share what did you focus on/ how did you practice to get this good? (I also paint ppl but I started 2montgs ago and boy do I need to git good)

Thank you so much!! You’re so sweet adjdjkskk

I’ll gladly give some advice. (This all has to do with my personal experience but everyone is different!)

I’ve been drawing for my entire life, and only recently have I begun to really be happy with some of my art. Some people only need a few years to get really good and be proud of their work, whereas others, like me, take much longer.

So my first piece of advice: Don’t beat yourself up!!

Your art journey is particular to you and each stroke of a paint brush or a pencil is a step closer to where you want to be.

Secondly: observe and “steal” techniques!!

To clarify, definitely don’t plagiarize lol. When I say steal, I mean to observe what you like about other artists’ pieces and the real world and practice doing that.

There’s a book called Steal Like an Artist. I haven’t read it, but from what I can tell, it asserts that “stealing” other people’s’ techniques will help you get to where you want to be. It’s truly some of the best advice I’ve ever followed.

When I was younger, I couldn’t draw feet for the life of me. But my best friend, also an artist, could. So what did I do? I looked at how she did it and practiced mimicking that, and also asked her how she did it and if I could try copying her other techniques for practice. I also looked up photos of foot structure online and tried to copy that.

What ends up happening as you do stuff like this is that you eventually develop your own way to draw/paint things. All the different aspects from all the different styles you study eventually mesh (after lots of practice) and you begin to add your own details without even thinking about it. The way you draw/paint noses becomes a practiced habit. The figure of a chair is on your page with a few strokes of your wrist. “Stealing like an artist” is taking inspiration from around you and using it to create your own style.

(Again, to anyone reading, you should NOT copy a piece of art and post/share it, especially without credit, and ESPECIALLY without permission. Ideas and inspiration can’t be copyrighted, but the actual art itself can.)

(x)

P.S. taking inspiration from old works like renaissance and period paintings is a great way to get a grasp on anatomy!

Now. This next one is very important.

Not every art session has to result in a masterpiece, or even a finished piece.

This is one that I struggled with a LOT and still struggle with to this day!! When you sit down to paint/draw/create art, sometimes you may feel a pressure to create exactly what you envisioned or at least come out with a beautiful, finished work.

But realistically, most the time that doesn’t happen.

Most of my best pieces come when I least expect them. Other people can sit down with a vision in their head and execute it perfectly. That’s not me. Whichever you are, you are doing amazing just by creating art.

If you grow frustrated and want to stop, then don’t force yourself to continue! Art, though it can be hard and frustrating at times, should overall be something you enjoy! I don’t draw because I feel an obligation to draw. I draw because drawing makes me happy. Whatever medium you may use, you should enjoy creating as a whole! Humans are dumb and sometimes make themselves suffer even when there’s no good reason for it. So don’t force yourself to do a hobby you hate, because then it is no longer a hobby.

Lastly, be patient.

This is one that frustrates just about every aspiring/learning artist. Myself included—I’m still learning and improving every day.

It took me two years just to learn how to draw a human figure right. It took me longer than that to learn to draw facial expressions or clothes wrinkles.

These things take time. The trick is this: rather than frustrate yourself thinking about all the work it takes to get where you want to be, just... create. And enjoy it. Enjoy the work. Again, the work is the fun part! And when you do something great, be proud of yourself!! Applaud yourself!!

Like I said, everyone is different, but I sincerely hope this advice was general enough that you, Anon, and anyone else reading this can take something away from it.

Thank you for the ask and happy art-ing!❤️

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Novel - Chapter Eight

Translation Masterpost can be found here

Disclaimer: Translations are entirely mine - these are not official translations and some phrases have been changed for better English interpretation so you’ll definitely see better/different translations elsewhere. Also keeping in mind when we translated this we aren’t exactly thinking about the style of writing and this translation is as close to the novel as we can make it XD So yes, some parts may be a little awkward to read. And yes some teeny weeny details and words may not turn up in the translation because the Chi to Eng mind acrobatics didn’t work out. If you see asterisks, scroll all the way to the bottom for notes!

Full chapter below the cut

*Note: ERMMMMM I’M BACK? So there was a plan for Chapter 8 and 9 translations, but I didn’t want to leave this until like 2021, so I’m trying my best to just clear it before New Years. Not sure how many of y’all are still reading this, but... I just don’t want to remember that this is incomplete hahahaha, so yeah, I did Chapter 8, and Chapter 9 should be up within the next couple of weeks, so it’ll be pretty and complete for 2021!

Chapter Eight

The act of handing Li Zhi De over to the police force led to the emergence of dissenting voices within Xing Tian Meng, and even the elders that were initially approving of the reform were beginning to shift towards a neutral position, stopping the biddings that were proceeding at hand.

Jack is walking towards the spot where he parked the car, and suddenly, someone emerges from behind a pillar and stops him in his tracks.

“Chen-ye would like to speak to you.”

After coldly shooting the man a glance, Jack gets into the other’s car and is brought to a tea house. Jack walks inside, and as expected, he sees a man with a scar on the right side of his cheek — Chen Wen Hao.

“I didn’t expect Chen-ye’s invitation.”

“When it comes to talented people, even if I have to personally make the trip, I will,” Chen Wen Hao pours a cup of tea for the other, and Jack raises the cup in a sign of respect for the man, before drinking it.

“Liang Dian, based on your intellect, you should have long established your own gang.”

“…”

Jack shudders, the sensation coming straight from his chest, and looks at the old, scheming fox before him without the slightest change in his expression. Fang Liang Dian, that is his real name, and the people who know this name are mostly dead already. From this, he can see that Chen Wen Hao has indeed gone to great lengths to obtain this information.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the ends of his lips curve up in a smile as he picks up the teapot and pours a second cup of tea for himself.

“Tang Yi spared no efforts in sending his own subordinate to the police, is such a person still worthy of being followed? Aren’t you afraid of becoming a second Zhi De?” Chen Wen Hao says as he looks at the young man before him, sliding a document filled with a list across the table.

“This is everything Wang Kun Cheng has in Taiwan, I can hand them all over to you.”

The red-haired man plays with the black leather gloves he has in his palms and without looking at the contents of the document, he returns, “How immense these benefits are, but… what do I have to exchange with Chen-ye?”

“You’re indeed interesting,” he answers, his eyes filled with impress at Jack, “I want Xing Tian Meng and Shi Hai Corporations’ data on their flow of funds, their current client lists, and also their proceeding bidding cases, as detailed as you can get them.”

“Aside from Tang Yi and Zuo Hong Ye, even Gu Dao Yi may not fully have a grip on all these you mentioned, Chen-ye, don’t you think that your exchange offer of Wang Kun Cheng’s power in Taiwan lacks sincerity?”

Jack raises an eyebrow, and bored, he takes out his butterfly knife and begins to flip it in his hands. A young henchman immediately steps up to stop him upon seeing this, but Chen Wen Hao interrupts him.

“Speaking to me with this attitude, aren’t you afraid that I’ll kill you?”

“Since Chen-ye is the one with a request, he can surely be like Liu Bei, and lower his position humbly to obtain what he wants.”*

Chen Wen Hao pats at the surface of the table, and loudly says, “Good, I did not place my bet on the wrong person! Liang Dian, Xing Tian Meng’s pool is too small, and it is a pity for you to stay here. You should come and discuss the Cambodian business with us.”

“Okay,” Jack smiles at Chen Wen Hao, the movement of the butterfly knife in his hands coming to a stop.

—

Investigations Team Three

Tonight, Zhao Zi is taking the night shift with Shao Fei, and one of them is standing in the office with the glass door closed, a cardboard box opened on the table and taking out the items inside one by one.

The box contains the last of Li Zhen-jie’s belongings, there are medals and awards, her police badge and also a team photo of Team Three.

“Boss, think back carefully, was there some connection and interaction between Li Zhen-jie and Chen Wen Hao?”

“When Li Zhen was transferred to Team Three, Chen Wen Hao was already in prison, so I don’t think they knew each other.”

“But there is Li Zhen-jie’s signature on the prison’s meeting logbook, I confirmed this, and it is indeed her handwriting. And she even went to see Chen Wen Hao with Tang Guo Dong!”

“Wait, when was this?”

“1990.”

Shao Fei looks through the things Li Li Zhen left on one hand, and recalls his conversation with Shi Da Pao.

“Since Boss said that Chen Wen Hao was already in prison before Li Zhen-jie transferred into the team, then she might have gone to see Chen Wen Hao for a case? But even if she was investigating a case, why would she have gone to see Chen Wen Hao with Tang Guo Dong? What is the relationship between them? Why did the both of them die in the same place?”

Opening the circular tube containing a graduation certificate, he doesn’t see anything else, and rifling through the books left in the box, he doesn’t find any other clues hidden between the pages either.

“Ah!”

Shao Fei yells in frustration, his hands pulling at his hair hard.

Incorrect! There has to be a clue he missed, he doesn’t believe that Li Zhen-jie was in cahoots with Xing Tian Meng, and so before she died, her meeting with Tang Guo Dong was definitely not because she wanted to leak information to him.

There has to be some other reason that made Li Zhen-jie contact Tang Guo Dong, there has to be!

It’s just, where exactly is the missing clue to the puzzle? Where is it?

“Damn it!” Shao Fei swipes Li Li Zhen’s belongings to the ground, and regrets it immediately the next second. Holding his head in his arms, he tries hard to breathe and calm his emotions down. Seeing the photo of himself and Li Zhen-jie, he remembers that when he first entered the team, he brought quite a lot of trouble to her because of his impulsive nature, but she never once chided him for it. Instead, she would generously teach him everything she knew.

“Li Zhen-jie…”

Looking at the him dressed in his police uniform and making a stupid face standing right next to Li Zhen-jie in sadness, he picks up the music box at the bottom of the box, turning the latch at the bottom to open it up as he listens to the melody repeat itself.

Suddenly, he sees a corner of what looks like paper trapped inside the box, and so he carefully uses the tip of his fingernails to grab at the corner of the aged paper, wanting to open it to see.

Shao Fei looks at the paper in disbelief, his eyes wide, this is actually something Chen Wen Hao wrote to Li Zhen-jie… a love letter?

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and the only right thing I’ve ever done is to love you. — Wen Hao

“My god!”

Shao Fei cannot believe his eyes, and so continues to explore every corner of the music box, and as expected, he finds a birth certificate issued by a hospital and on it is printed…

Name of Mother - Li Li Zhen

Name of Mother’s Significant Other - Unspecified

Date of Birth - 21 October 1990

Gender - Male

“Li Zhen-jie had a kid? And the date of birth is 21 October 1990?”

How strange, why is this date so familiar?

Hold on!

“Don’t be too touched, after all I did chase after you for four years, of course I would know today is your birthday. 21 October, Libra, people who are born on this day have extraordinary personalities and thoughts, especially when it comes to personal matters, they are more persistent and firm in attitude.”

“Pfffft…. how accurate! Super accurate!”

21 October 1990, isn’t this Tang Yi’s birthday? Also…

“How coincidental, Li Zhen-jie also has a similar music box.”

“Is that so? This is the only thing my mother left me.”

“Could it be…?”

A thought suddenly flashes across Shao Fei’s mind, and so he picks up his jacket and rushes out of the office. He almost bumps into Zhao Zi, who has just come back from buying supper.

“Huh? Ah Fei where are you going? Ah Fei? Ah Fei?”

Shao Fei holds onto his steering wheel tight, his thoughts jumbled up in a mess as he drives at an urgent speed on the road.

Suddenly, the phone he left on the passenger seat rings. Turning his head for a brief glance, he sees that it is Tang Yi.

“I’m working on a case, let’s leave it at that for now.”

He quickly responds after picking the call up, and then hangs up immediately after, slamming his foot down on the accelerator to a destination unknown.

“…”

Inside the Tang mansion, a Xing Tian Meng leader sitting behind his study desk in his office, looks dumbly at his phone.

Someone actually dared to hang up on him?

“Forget it,” Tang Yi sighs, looking at his dark phone screen helplessly, and continues working his way through unfinished work.

—

Investigations Team Three, The Next Day

Lu Jun Wei hurriedly runs into the office, and seeing their Captain, he rushes until he’s right in front of him, “Bad news! Li Zhi De died in the prosecution’s holding room!”

Shi Da Pao tugs at his own shirt, his face filled with alarm and fear, “What happened? Why did he suddenly die?”

“I’m not very sure either, all I know is that it is all under investigation at the moment.”

Shi Da Pao looks at Zhao Zi, who was in the interrogation room together with Lu Jun Wei after midnight, and asks, “Did anything strange happen yesterday during interrogation?”

“No. Li Zhi De refused to speak, and thankfully, Guan Zhi-ge was there, that’s how we managed to get some information out of him.”

“Zhou Guan Zhi? Why was he interrogating with you guys?”

Zhao Zi scratches at the back of his head, and seeing his unusually furious captain, explains, “Because Li Zhi De was very tough to handle, and Guan Zhi-ge said that he could assist us.”

Shi Da Pao immediately shoves the documents in his hand away and walks out of the team office. Seeing their boss suddenly leave like this, the rest of the team exchange looks, revealing concerned expressions.

—

Tang Household

“Ah De’s death was sudden, we need to find out who exactly did it.” Tang Yi instructs while simultaneously walking into the house as he loosens his tie, his expression serious as he faces Jack.

“Yes, boss.”

“And take note of the reactions from each Xing Tian Meng faction, we must reassure our own people. After all, I was the one who sent Li Zhi De into the station, if we don’t handle this well, it will affect the progress of Hong Ye’s current accounts.”

“I understand, I will handle this immediately.”

After Jack leaves, Tang Yi picks up his phone and once again dials for Shao Fei’s phone number, but he is still directed to leave a message after no one picks up.

“I’m Meng Shao Fei, leave a message if you have something to say, if not, hang up, thanks!”

“Meng Shao Fei, where exactly are you?”

How could he not pick up his calls or return any of his messages for a whole day?

Irritated and frustrated, he walks towards his study, and the moment he pushes the door open, he sees the man who has been missing in action for almost 30 hours standing right in front of him. The man is smiling, delighted as he presses at the phone’s mic function, and replays his previous voice messages.

“Meng Shao Fei, my whole life, no one has ever dared to not pick up my calls, and not return any of my messages!”

“Where are you? Why aren’t you picking up my calls?”

“Shao Fei, it’s been a day, it’s okay if you don’t pick up my calls, at least send me a text message to let me know you’re safe, okay?

“Shao Fei, I’m really worried about you. Can you call me? I want to hear your voice…”

Shao Fei stares as Tang Yi’s expression morphs from embarrassment to anger, and smiles, “59 calls and 15 messages, you were that worried about me?”

Tang Yi glares at the person before him, and angry, he says sarcastically, “I thought Officer Meng had evaporated from the face of the earth.”

Shao Fei walks over and apologises, tightly hugging the other, “I didn’t realise that my phone fell under the car seat, and was out of battery. I’m sorry I made you worry for so long.”

Turning his hand and returning the hug from his lover, who always manages to make him feel unlike his usual self, Tang Yi sighs, “The next time you go missing, I will put a tracking device on you. What super important case is this, that you would not even realise you didn’t have your phone on you?”

“…”

Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi, hesitant as he wonders if he should tell him what he has found so far.

“What is it?” the other asks, sensitive to Shao Fei’s unusual reaction.

“Tang Yi, do you remember the names of your adoptive parents?”

“He Ru Yu, Li Shou Xing.”

Tang Yi’s brows are furrowed, as if incredibly unwilling to bring up these two people. Shao Fei takes out the notebook he has with him and flips to a specific page. He lets Tang Yi confirm the details.

“This address here, is this the place you used to stay at when you were younger?”

“Why are you investigating my past?” Tang Yi asks, staring straight at Shao Fei with alarm, caution and confusion.

“I’m not investigating you, I was actually on another case, and who knew I found some leads related to you.”

“Leads that are related to me?”

“Mnn,” Shao Fei nods, and inhaling deeply once, he gently says, “Tang Yi, I found your mother, your biological mother.”

Before he can finish speaking, the sound of a phone ringing interrupts him. Tang Yi’s looks at Shao Fei, startled, before picking up the call.

“Boss, xiaojie was taken away by He Hang’s people, he said he wants you to go over personally in exchange for xiaojie.”

“He. Hang!”

Tang Yi says these two words through gritted teeth, then pushes away the person hugging him and rushes out of the study.

“Tang Yi! Tang Yi!”

Shao Fei chases after him, worried, and unheeding of the other’s disapproval, he squeezes into the passenger seat and follows the murderous Xing Tian Meng leader to the destination highlighted by He Hang.

—-

Investigations Team Three Office - Staircase Landing

Zhou Guan Zhi is slammed heavily against the wall in the staircase landing, held up by Shi Da Pao via his collar.

Because the impact of the force used was too heavy, the man whose back struck the wall ends up in a coughing fit.

“Li Zhi De’s matter, were you the one?!”

“The person died at the prosecution’s office, how is that any of my business.”

Zhou Guan Zhi pushes Shi Da Pao away, turning around and about to leave, but the other man immediately grabs at him.

“If it wasn’t you, how would you have known that he’s dead? And you also know exactly where he died?”

He deliberately used the word ‘matter’ to replace ‘death’, and so if Zhou Guan Zhi really had nothing to do with this, then his first reaction would be similar to that of other Team Three members. It would be disbelief, fear and alarm, and not this look, as if he knew about this much earlier. Even the fact that Li Zhi De was transferred to the prosecution’s interrogation room from their own after midnight, he knows such a detail this clearly.

“You were afraid he would implicate you, and so you killed him, didn’t you?”

“Of course I’m afraid he will expose me, but boss, aren’t you afraid?”

Shi Da Pao’s eyes shift, and he retorts, “You were the one who murdered him, it’s nothing to do with me.”

“How could this not have anything to do with you? The one who let Ah Fei do as he like and investigate this case was you, the one who allowed him to protect Tang Yi right at his side was also you. In the end, we even got to the stage where Li Zhi De was brought back to the station, of course I had to silence him! If I wait until he reveals everything then you and I both are done for.”

The man, his gaze murderous and cold, laugh as he pats at the captain’s face.

“You actually knew what I was doing all along, but when have you ever stopped me during these four years? You gave the silent approval to your subordinate to sell off the drugs the police force obtained in return for a profit. Shi Da Pao, do you still think this has nothing to do with you?”

“…”

Shi Da Pao is speechless as he hears Zhou Guan Zhi’s accusations.

“Besides, that case four years ago, you were also a bystander who did nothing to stop it. What was Li Li Zhen’s relationship with you, that you would allow the rumours of her cooperating with Xing Tian Meng run rampant in the station? And you never once helped to clear her name, so you’re an accomplice. You are an accomplice who caused the death of others for your own greed, just like me!”

The last few words smash through the last of Shi Da Pao’s strength, and he numbly sits on the stairs. Covering his face in guilt, his voice weak, he says, “Why didn’t you just stop at the incident four years ago? Ah Zhi, you have already earned so much in the past few years. It’s enough! Stop already!”

“Enough?” the person who hears this cranes his neck upwards and sneers. “We police officers put our lives on the line day in and out only to earn this meagre salary. It’s not even enough to stuff the gaps of my teeth, how do I deal with those chasing me to repay debts? Stop putting yourself on a high horse, you are no different from me.”

Shi Dao Pao puts down the hands covering his face and looks at the person who’s slowly descending into insanity, and shakes his head, “You’re like this because you gamble, and this is your just desserts. And me… I did it to save my daughter. These four years, I’ve never once had a restful night, and I live in terror and regret everyday.”

Zhou Guan Zhi smirks, his eyes slanting to look at the person seated on the stairs, “Boss, as long as you took the money, your hands are dirty. No matter if it is because I deserve it, or if you were forced into a dead end, you’ve been tainted, and it is what it is.”

“Besides, isn’t it the money you took that year which allowed Xiao Ya to live on happily, all the way until now, when she’s able to have her wedding? So it doesn’t matter who wants to dig up the case from four years ago again, I will definitely not let him get away!”

He knows Zhou Guan Zhi is referring to Shao Fei, who has been so focused on the homicide case from four years ago, and he finally stands up, grips at Zhou Guan Zhi’s shirt collars and yells for him to stop.

“Ah Zhi, stop! Don’t fall any deeper into this!”

“Boss, don’t worry. I’ll be very subtle, no one will be able to find out. As long as you don’t say anything and I don’t say anything, after a period of time, this will be slowly forgotten by everyone,” Zhou Guan Zhi says, arrogantly slapping away the hands at his collar and turns away.

“Ah Zhi, aren’t you afraid that I will turn myself in and expose you?”

“You!”

Zhou Guan Zhi turns back abruptly, his eyes betraying his impulse to strangle Shi Da Pao to death right at that very moment, but Shi Da Pao is no amateur either, and if they really do get into a fight, he will not have it easy. Instead, he tries the soft approach, lightening his tone as he tries to convince his Captain that they are both on the same boat.

“Boss, don’t do foolish things. Xiao Ya is about to get married, and you’ve done so much for her. Don’t you want to see her happily get married, and become the most beautiful bride?”

“,,,”

Shi Da Pao’s eyes tear up as he keeps silent, Zhou Guan Zhi hitting him where it hurts. Seeing that he has gotten his way, Zhou Guan Zhi smiles, smug as he stuffs his hands into his jacket’s pockets. He leaves the staircase, whistling casually as he goes.

—

In an Abandoned Factory

Chen Wen Hao sits on a chair, two men standing next to him on his sides. On the other chair, Zuo Hong Ye’s hands have been tied behind her, and a cloth is stuffed into her mouth, but she displays no sign of fear as she glares at He Hang, who has a gun pressed to her temple. Tang Yi, who arrived with Shao Fei, nods at Gu Dao Yi, who has been waiting outside for a while, and the three of them walk into the abandoned factory that is filled with a metallic stench.

“I’m here, let Hong Ye go.”

“No problem. My target is not her. He Hang, let Zuo-xiaojie go.”

“Boss, aren’t we making it too easy for Tang Yi by letting Zuo Hong Ye go?” He Hang refuses to loosen the ropes on Hong Ye as he glares at Tang Yi in fury.

“Tang Yi, I’ve been in Xing Tian Meng for so long, why did Tang Guo Dong let you become leader? How much authority does Xing Tian Meng wield in the underworld, and you want to go legal and reform? Aside from cutting off our brothers’ path to riches, you also handed one of us over to the police! I might as well just kill you here, lest you get in the way.”

The gun that was pressed to Hong Ye’s brain suddenly shifts to the Xing Tian Meng leader standing before him, but all he gets in return is the other’s cold laugh, full of ridicule and mockery for He Hang.

“You? If you were really capable, how would you have repeatedly failed in trying to assassinate me?”

“Fuck! I will kill you right now with a single shot, do you not believe me?!”

“He Hang, did you forget that I am still here? You’re in no position to talk here.”

“Chen… Chen-ye… but…”

Chen Wen Hao’s seemingly light tone belies a chilling warning under it, and He Hang retreats, not daring to say another word.

“Yes… yes, Chen-ye…”

Drenched in cold sweat, the man immediately keeps his gun, and loosens the ropes on Hong Ye, then pushes her towards Tang Yi. Tang Yi catches Hong Ye, and asks, concerned, “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“Dao Yi, take Hong Ye and go.”

The bespectacled man stands between He Hang and Hong Ye, as if guarding against the possibility of another attack should the other man change his mind.

“I’m not going to leave, I want to face this together with you at your side.”

“If you get hurt I will hate myself, so, just go!” Tang Yi says in a low voice, tightly holding onto Hong Ye’s arm.

“I understand, you be careful,” Hong Ye bites at her lips, her eyes reddening as she leaves the factory under Dao Yi’s protection.

Chen Wen Hao gets to his feet from the chair and circles Tang Yi as he walks, just like a predator playing with its prey, and says, “Do you know why I had to find you today? Is it because you killed Wang Kun Cheng? Because you cost me losses of several ships worth of goods? Because you sent a bunch of my brothers to jail? Or-“

Suddenly, Chen Wen Hao stops in his footsteps right before Tang Yi, and stares into his eyes.

“Is it because four years ago, you saw the crime scene of Tang Guo Dong and Li Li Zhen’s death?”

“…”

Anger flashes in Tang Yi’s eyes, and the moment he takes a step, he is stopped by the other’s raised gun.

“No! None of that! I got you to come here because you are Tang Guo Dong’s son. Tang Guo Dong stole my woman, caused the death of my and Li Li Zhen’s child, and found someone in prison to create trouble for me, made me go through 24 years in jail. Twenty. Four. Years!”

“…”

Shao Fei stares at Chen Wen Hao in surprise, recalling the brith certificate he saw not long ago.

Li Zhen-jie’s child, was Chen Wen Hao’s? Tang Yi’s biological mother, is Li Zhen-jie? So… Chen Wen Hao is Tang Yi’s real, biological…

Chen Wen Hao does not see the young officer’s face go white, and continues, “When I came out, Xing Tian Meng became yours? What a joke, how is it that Tang Guo Dong could have everything, but I ended up with a broken family and nothing to my name? No, this is not fair, isn’t it?”

He pauses for a while after, and a dark, vicious smile emerges, “So… I want you… dead!”

All the men that were guarding outside of the factory suddenly rush in, surrounding Tang Yi and Shao Fei from the back. The both of them have no choice but to put up both their hands and pretend to surrender. Shao Fei takes half a step, opening his mouth to say, “Chen Wen Hao, Tang Yi, he’s-“

“Shut up, this is no place for you to talk.”

Tang Yi suddenly falls to the floor, avoiding the line of fire from the barrel of the gun and kicks out at the man holding the gun on him. It is only after the man falls does Tang Yi snatch the gun away, turning back to face Chen Wen Hao, the gun pointed at him.

At the same time, Chen Wen Hao has his gun turned towards Tang Yi.

“Chen Wen Hao, I’ve devised this plan for four whole years, all to force you to come back from Cambodia to take revenge for Tang-ye, because, it was you who killed him!”

“No! I didn’t kill him!”

“Shut up! You’re going to pay with your life!”

“Tang Yi!”

“Don’t stop me!”

Seeing that things are about to spiral uncontrollably, to a point of no return, Shao Fei can no longer care about anything else, and quickly blurts out the truth from that year.

“Don’t shoot! Chen Wen Hao is your father!”

===

*This is a metaphor and you can temporarily ignore who Liu Bei is.

[ohnobjyx]

Plum blossoms in the snow (II)

Part 4: April and May (II)

Disclaimer: I try to keep things objective (if I include my personal opinion, it’s in cursive and in brackets), but I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

(There was a mistake in the last post, that an anon pointed out. I’ve edited the post. Thank you!)

In May, some of the controversy resurfaced, in the topic of how idols and celebrities affect the younger generations, and, even how they affect younger generations by affecting those in charge of their education.

TV documentary

At the beginning of May, a documentary appeared on the news about a mother worried for her high school daughter, who neglected her studies “because she was infatuated with XZ”. Among other things, she’d ask for money to buy XZ’s new song (0’5 by the way) and she’d borrow money from her classmates to buy things he endorses.

Her daughter also appeared on the documentary, saying that her academic performance has nothing to do with XZ, but rather with the pandemic situation, as she’s not used to online classes. It turned out that she had skipped a grade, and entered high school directly from 2nd year of middle school, so she lacked the support of a network of friends and encouragement in her new situation. She said that as soon as she got her motivation back, she’d keep studying.

However, general public sided with her mother, and said that this kind of obsession with an idol was leading the youths astray.

Interview with Economic View

XZ also gave an interview, for the first time since 2/27, for Economic View, alking about many topics, the “XZ fans incident” among them (I found this video with subtitles, and I think the subtitles are quite good).

He said, among other things:

“Everything happened in the climax of the country’s fight against the epidemic. I was deeply troubled and worried while I was quarantined at home. I also felt very if this incident has brought trouble to netizens. If that’s the case, from here, I want to say a sincere ‘I’m sorry’.

Since my debut to now, I’ve never ceased to receive well-meaning criticism and guidance. I went from being a normal person to go on to the stage. From my friends, from seniors… I’m always open to them. But of course, there is malicious criticism, some fake rumours and slander, that I think don’t affect just me, but also my friends and family. I don’t feel wronged. I just don’t understand.

When I was 19-20, and I first used w/ibo, I didn’t realize. That in such a public platform, I made inappropriate comments that have hurt other people. I apologize for the consequences of the inappropriate comments I’ve made in the past.”

He also said that the fans always did public welfare projects in his name, and that he got energy from them.

“I hope fans can live their own lives well, and don’t resort to extreme actions to hurt others or themselves.”

This interview was of course praised for showing responsibility and answering almost all questions. We can all notice that his responses are very carefully worded, that he takes his time thinking about what he’s going to say and how, and that his answers are very calculated. Don’t misunderstand me. He did it very well in this interview, and I don’t think he was insincere, but he needed to be very careful about what he said at the time.

Other idols and their sasaengs

On the 9th of May, WYB posted the following:

“I work very hard, can’t I even nap for a bit in the car? My staff stood in front of your car, and you still dared to drive forward? For a long time, strangers come and knock my hotel room’s door, they install tracking devices in my car, there’s people following me no matter where I go… unbelievable! I really can’t understand you!”

A crazy fan had followed him on her car. When the security had tried to stop her, stepping in front of her car, she still tried to drive forward.

To this, UNIQ OFFICIAL account expressed their support like this:

“Against this kind of vile behaviour, report to the police! Let the law investigate their legal responsibility! To those who go against other people’s security and don’t respect your privacy, zero tolerance!”

The teacher’s incident

On the 10th, XZ posted:

“Please listen to me carefully once more! I wish you to take good care of your studies, careers, personal lives, and to place them before “chasing stars”. Study hard, take your job seriously. Be responsible and assume your obligations, follow the rules of your career and abide by professionalism. I don’t your help.”

This message may seem harsh to some of their fans. So, why did XZ publish such a comment?

A primary school teacher had posted a video of his students cheering for XZ. This angered a lot of netizens, who said that she was using a position of power to “indoctrinate” young children to like this idol. The haters affirmed that she was guiding the children to “chase” stars, and that she’s a bad influence (I actually agree with this one, you really shouldn’t do this in a classroom, but to involve XZ again is going too far).

XZ and the teacher were reported to the authorities. The Ministry of Education answered that the teacher had been suspended from her job and the school’s director had received a formal reprimand. The teacher’s w/ibo account had also been blocked. This is the main reason for XZ’s post.

Talking about unreasonable responses, after this incident with the teacher, the next day the topic “XZ’s supertopic teachers group” went on hot search in w/ibo. A group consisting of more than 1000 teachers, all fans of XZ, had been formed inside the supertopic. This was widely questioned by the netizens and haters.

To be fair, this didn’t happen just to XZ. Around the same time, another video emerged, with a teacher encouraging his kindergarten students to cheer for Wang Junkai. So with this incident, the Ministry of Education started to pay attention to similar content.

On the 14th, XZ forwarded an article by People’s Daily about teachers using their students to cheer for their idols and asking 

“Don’t go beyond the limits of your professionalism. Don’t leave the circle of rationalism. The fan quan can’t circle everything” (”quan” means circle)

Many more teachers were reported, and in response, the XZ’s fans association posted this:

“There are many voices criticizing XZ’s fans right now. We accept the criticism. XZ has told his fans to “pursue the idols” in a civilized and rational way, but some still display unreasonable behaviour. These actions have a great negative impact on him. We apologize to him and to other fans in their name.”  

This even extended to a teacher teaching a course of cyber-violence. She used XZ as an example of cyber violence and haters’ attack. This was brought again to the authorities by the haters, and she was suspended from her job. Luckily, her students and their parents were very supportive and defended her, so she came back to her post.

(This was just ridiculous. Really).  

This is quite a curious thing: even though we can see that objectively, this teacher didn’t do anything wrong, the department deemed her at fault due to the large number of reports.  

(It’s a thinking that goes along the lines of “if a lot of people think she has done something wrong, then she must have done something wrong”.)

So if haters can’t find anything to criticize in XZ, they’ll turn to his fans.

More support...

15th of May. A screenwriter and director posted a comment praising XZ and lamenting about his situation. The next day, he updated saying that he had been attacked in private comments because of his post, so he was very angry by it (he was angry with haters, not with xz).

On that day a photographer that had worked with him also praised him, saying he was humble and polite. He was also attacked by haters and antis, saying he had only praised XZ out of all the idols he had worked with, so he had to have ulterior motives, such as being paid by his studio or insulting the other idols in disguise.

People noticed that if someone defends XZ, no matter who they are, they’ll be attacked. No matter what XZ does, he’ll be criticized by some. If he doesn’t do anything, the haters turn on to his fans. Hater were trying to destroy every effort he made, and they managed it easily at first. After each appearance in public, he faces all kinds of comments. So conspiracy theories surged, about a mastermind behind the haters.

Even the lawyer that was managing XZ’s case was attacked by haters.

(Who in his right state of mind calls a lawyer with their own mobile phone to insult them? This logic and rationale amazes me…)

... and a little disappointment

At the end of May, the photos of him filming a episode of the season 2 of 青春环游记 were leaked on S/na News. He did participate in the recording, but the episode didn’t include him in the end (aired mid-June). A worker said they had been feeling pressure from various fronts, and finally felt that it’d be best not to include him (I suppose they feared the pressure from the antis).

In the midst of disappointment, his fans mostly reacted by keeping a positive attitude: “he posted two selfies lately, he shot a cute video making a drink (the douyin video), he seems in a good mood in all them. With them he was trying to cheer us fans. He has told us not to be used by others, not to get carried away by antis, not believe rumours, and to not be suspicious of his studio. What’s an episode in a variety show? He got paid anyway just for recording it. Let’s not cry over it.”

Truly, in spite of everything that happened at February and March, I think this is the kind of comments he deserves from his fans: people who are a little bit sad because he didn’t make it to the episode in the end, but who are still supporting him, waiting for his next project and listening to what he says.

←Part 4 (I): Plum blossoms in the snow (I) | Part 5 and 6: A snowy summer→

[atomicblasphemy]

Chamomile {Part III}

Eda and Amity share a cup of tea.

In front of her, her chin resting upon sharp and well kept nails, her eyes that had seen so much so intense, the Owl Lady, Edalyn Clawthorne, watched in expectancy, hardened eyes. Her posture relaxed still, no overt animosity. At least none directed towards the girl, the woman seemed to simply try to convey the weight behind the question, to tell the young Blight that all sincerity was needed now. She was face to face with the still most powerful witch in the whole of the Boiling Isles. No loss of magic, no curse, no cheap tricks her enemies pulled off would ever change that. Magic was not the cause for her overwhelming power, curses were no impediment, tricks were no obstacles for a woman such as this. The surrogate mother of the one who changed Amity in so short a period sat in front of her. The queen, sat upon her throne, undisputed with her crown above her head, awaited for Amity, the Blight,’s answer.

Amity took a long sip of her cup of chamomile, still hot enough, but not scalding anymore. There was no right nor wrong answer to a question like that. Emboldened by the warm drink, her Blight composure, her heritage, restored. Amity chose to take yet another leap of faith, a firm unwavering voice offered.

“I am Amity Blight. A student at Hexside, top of the class in the abomination track. Sister to Edric and Emira Blight. Daughter to Alador and Odalia. Used to be captain of the Banshees. I used to dream about joining the Emperor’s coven. I used to have light brown hair, but that’s green now. And a witch in love with a human.”

Eda’s eyes still studied the young witch. Her unchanged posture not giving away whether Amity’s answer had had any results. Still, the girl couldn’t help but to pride on her own composure. Taking a sip of her own, Eda finally answered.

“You know that none of that answers my question, don’t you? But it sounds like we’re getting there. We have time. Maybe we should keep with the theme instead. Why don’t you tell me about Willow? You messed her head real good that day of the photo class incident, you know?”

Looking off to the side, a different kind of blush coloring her pale features, Amity shrunk slightly.

“Yeah... I learned my lesson though. I won’t be messing with anyone’s memories again, I promise.”

Eda let out a chuckle.

“That’s not what I mean, kid. I mean how you messed her head after that, when you went there with Luz to fix things. I had a little chat about it with plant girl. She’s got no idea what to make of you, but, honestly, I don’t think she needs to. It should come from you, your initiative. You left the work unfinished, that’s what trying to get at. Still, I’m curious as to how the two of you got to that point. She told me what she saw there, inside her head. So did Luz. I know how it all started. That doesn’t explain how it went so far. How you, Amity Blight, allowed things to get so out of hand. And look, I’m not a cop, and in case you  didn’t know I’m not in that bastard’s coven either. This is not an interrogation, if you don’t want to answer we can just finish our tea and that’ll be it. But…”

“No, I do need to answer that though. Don’t I?” Amity blurted out, cutting Eda’s words short. “Did they tell you what my parents told me that day? About what they’d do to Willow if I didn’t cut ties with her?”

“They did. It explains a lot, but not everything.”

“I know. She was my best friend, my parents were a threat to her. I wanted to protect her.”

“By pushing her away? That hard?”

“Yeah. I mean, I was like 9 when that all happened. So I figured that if I made her not want to be around she’d eventually just go away. But… I don’t know. You’ll probably think I’ll sound crazy.”

“Try me. I’m used to crazy.”

“I… I know you have no reason to like me, I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation. It just feels so weird, and I think you’ll end up hating me by the end of it.”

“I won’t hate you kid. I promise you. That ship sailed away long ago. Look, Amity, I’ve been in your shoes before, kinda. I know where you’re coming from and I don’t plan on hating you, nor do I have the right to.”

Amity wanted to believe Eda’s words, but, in the end, whether she did so or not was entirely irrelevant and she knew it. The conversation needed to continue regardless. Even  if she couldn’t tell if it was due to fear of failure, the woman’s intimidating figure, or something else. Lifting her hands she drinks of her teacup, Luz’s human folksy wisdom, as Eda put it, seeming to be right. The tea and the image of her paramour helped her gather some much needed courage, even if the conversation clearly didn’t relate to her anymore, that still helped. Tucking a strand of green behind her ear, she continued.

“Okay then. Well… She insisted, for a while at least. A long while. Couple of years at least. Everyday she came to me during recess and I pushed her away and made her cry. And I would go back home after class, lock myself in my room and do the same until I fall asleep. And that would keep repeating, at least once every week, a cycle. I hated when that happened. And she would always approach me with this shy smile, calling me Ami as she used to. But… I was trying to bury this Ami girl, I thought I didn’t need her, worse yet, I thought this Ami girl was a danger to Willow herself. And Willow insisted on bringing her back… I…”

“You had to up the game, right?”

Eda’s motivations were still a mystery to Amity, she couldn’t fathom where this barrage of question was coming from. The did seem to come from a place of genuine interest however, way beyond idle curiosity. Whatever it was, it imbued Amity with a sense of being compelled to answer Eda’s questions. For an inscrutable reason, Amity wanted to answer. She didn’t owe Eda anything, she had no obligation to, but she wanted to answer. It was as though this nearly perfect stranger cared enough to want to hear what she had to say. Such generosity shouldn’t go unpaid.  

“No, not myself at least… I had to find others and let them do it instead. I couldn’t bring myself to actually be as cruel with her as I needed, or as I thought I needed to be. But I knew people who could be just that. I tried to nudge her in the right direction, I knew her grades were slipping. Help her in a brutal way, in short that was the idea. All while surrounding myself with the people who were actually capable of hurting her. A buffer, I guess… Mother had already started dyeing my hair by that point. I tried to convince her not to, she told me tantrums were unbecoming.”

“So, that’s it? You were trying to help Willow. A twisted kind of tough love? Why can’t you bring yourself to look at me while you’re telling me all this if that’s the case?”

“No… That’s not all. I think... I lost sight of things in the mean time.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. I just... I couldn’t see Willow anymore. Like, literally. I wouldn’t see her face when we’d come across each other at school or in her last few attempts to approach me. Her hair was green, sometimes brown, her voice was older. And I tried to see her as her younger self sometimes. To see the girl I was trying to protect, the girl I took swimming lessons with, my best friend. My old friend. But I couldn’t anymore. She stopped calling me Ami, just Amity, or even Blight sometimes. That last one stung the first time I heard it. Anyway. I couldn’t see my friend in her anymore, I’d gotten used to pushing her away as hard as I could. It became second nature. I think the scariest part was this one day, when I suddenly realized I was at the school halls looking for her. Actively looking for her. No one in between us, just me and her. I wanted to be the one to hurt her this time. I don’t even remember what caused it, it doesn’t matter now. I was actively looking for her as a target. I think a part of me felt entitled to do all that, maybe even liked it. Yeah… I see your face, there’s no denying I liked that though. Up to a point at least. Once I realized what was happening, what I was doing, I managed to turn around and make my way back to class. But, just when I turned the very last corner. There she was, green hair and all. You can imagine how that played out. At least it wasn’t that long before Luz arrived, just a couple of months, I think.”

“What do you make of her nowadays?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think about her so often, I try not to.”

“You should. You should try to think about her as much as you can. he believed it, you know? That half-a-witch thing, she bought into it hook, line, and sinker. And then someday you just show up and turn everything upside down. You show her that she herself was not the reason for anything that happened, that she was not the reason why called herself half-a-witch for so long. I think you’ll be friends again, eventually. That, what you did when you fixed the mess you made in photo class, when you showed her what your parents did to you, that was a firm first step. But the journey before all restorations are made is much longer than just one firm first step. You need to think about her, Amity. You need to talk to her, really try and patch things up. Not just for her sake, really.”

Eda sighed, Amity couldn’t voice her cowardice, not again, especially when it came to someone who had offered this so rare courtesy. She didn’t want to disappoint Eda. Amity felt like a baby or toddler must feel when held by their parent, not that this is how she’d describe it. She couldn’t show her shame to someone like that, not with words at least, and that seemed to be a sentiment the woman was familiar with. After a long moment of pregnant silence, Eda continued.

“I get it. I really do. For what it counts I wouldn’t paint you as a monster for what happened, it wasn’t just your fault alone, you were powerless for the most part. But at the end of the day, shared guilt is guilt all the same. Whether you threw the stones, whether you threw the first one, whether you were just supplying stones for someone else to throw. At the end of the day you had a crucial part in it, and you can’t do anything about that. Those stones flew because you either let them or made them do so. Asking Willow to just forgive you, with nothing in return, that’s the same as just throwing yet another stone, straight at her face. Probably that’d be the heaviest stone yet. Let me put it this way, when you were going after Willow, or pushing her away as you put it, she wasn’t seeing anyone other that you, Amity. Not your mother, not your father, no Blights. Just you. Worse yet she probably was seeing that Ami girl you mentioned. She isn’t any older than you, after all. She may know now that that wasn’t entirely the case, but you made your choices. Wrong ones maybe, you were a child too after all. A child put into a very bad spot. But you did those mistakes, and you kept on making them for years, and she had to pay the price as much as you. But then again, Luz told me something weird about you the other day. How she caught you at the library reading to kids, putting up a whole performance. Otabin, wasn’t it? You told her it was for extra credits, right? Yeah, I don’t really buy that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you also made a choice there and I don’t buy that extra credits bullshit. Those kids will probably remember you as the nice and weird girl that read wholesome stories to them. You chose to let them remember you that way the same way you chose to make Willow see you as more and more of a monster.”

“I don’t… I never really put a lot of thought on that to be honest.”

“You also chose to go and play grudgby against that girl, Luz told me the two of you are, or were, friends with. Boscha, isn’t it? And you did it to defend both Luz and Willow, despite knowing full well there was likely to be some kind of backlash. And you chose to go back screaming bloody murder, jumping from nine feet up in the air – seriously, how did you even get up there? - all to help Luz fight Grom. You chose those things the same way you chose to push Willow away or to duel Luz at the covention.”

“That note, the one Grom shredded. It was meant for Luz, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, I told you that, didn’t I? Why does that matters here?”

“It matters because you also chose not to give her that note, the knowledge of your feelings for her. You chose to hide yourself from her, and then you chose to come here for this sleepover.”

Amity finally made eye contact with Eda again. Her image of the woman, from the stories she heard of the dangerous criminal, from Luz’s motherly mentor, from their few interactions before that night, was of a youthful, energetic, and powerful witch. The gray in her hair but a footnote. Now, however, the difference of age between the two of them couldn’t be ignored. She saw the wrinkles, the gray eye, matching her hair. She briefly wondered if this was how Luz saw Eda as well. For the first time Eda looked tired.

“I… didn’t want her to reject me.”

“Yeah, that’s obvious. But why did you think she would do that?”

“I just told you didn’t I? All of that, all I did to Willow. Isn’t that enough.”

“She did invite you over today, didn’t she?”

“Yes, but...”

Amity couldn’t continue with her answer.

“But...?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t know why she decided to invite me, why she wanted to be my friend despite everything I did to Willow, and even to her. I know that I can’t have left the best first impression.”

“She still invited you though. She chose to. Why would she reject you?”

“Its not… Its not like that, I guess. You’re right, she’s not the type to just turn her back. I love that about her. But I can’t help the feeling that if she knew me, really knew me, she’d do just that. Just turn around and leave me behind. And we were still just starting to become friends then, so there’s that.”

She tucks her hair behind her ear once more. If Eda had tried to keep track of how many times Amity had done that she’d sure have lost count by now. But seeing the older witch leaning towards her with a kind smile, placing her hand in her shoulder, squeezing it lightly but firmly, she doubt she had made such attempt.

“Kid, I gotta tell you. That’s by far the dumbest thing you’ve said all night.”

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Sexiled (Part 19/23) ~ Steve Rogers x Reader ~ College!AU

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Happy Friday! Hope you’re all doing well and I hope you enjoy this! 

Summary: You and Steve discuss the night before. You and Sarah bond over the ballet. 

Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Sarah Rogers,

Rating: K+

Warnings: Light angst, discussing death of spouse/parent, feels, fluffy Steve

Word Count: 1679

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You woke slowly, no alarms, no annoyed roommate, just steady breathing and a muted scuffing that you couldn’t place, coming from beside you.

“Good morning, sweetness.”

“Good morning. Umm, how did we get up here?”

The last thing you remembered was being curled up in Steve’s lap, stroking his hair and pressing the occasional kiss to whichever part of his face you were closest to.  

“You walked. I did wonder if you were actually awake. Guess I got my answer,” he chuckled, continuing to sketch.  

You propped your head in your hand so you could study him.

“You’re so beautiful,” you sighed, as you mentally traced his features. You couldn’t help but smile when his cheeks turned pink. Placing his sketchpad and pencil on the bedside table, he scooted down in the bed so he was mimicking your position.

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. Inside and out.”

You ducked your head, flustered by his sincerity. Steve reached out to brush your hair out of your face, lingering on your cheek pulling your gaze to him.

“Thank you for last night,” Steve murmured. “I wasn’t expecting to react like that.”  

You pulled his hand away from your cheek so you could kiss his palm.

“Thank you for being open with me. How are you feeling?”

“Much better. It’s the first time I really talked about feeling that way. It helped a lot.”

“You know you can talk to me about stuff like that any time.”

“I don’t want to burden you,” he argued but you were already shaking your head.

“It’s not a burden. Your problems are not a burden. You are not a burden.”

His eyes widened at your words, and you knew you’d hit the nail on the head.

“Steve, listen to me. You are never a burden to me or to anyone else. Do you understand me?”

He nodded, slowly, still mulling it over.

“Yes. I’m not sure I believe you. But I’ll work on it.”

You smiled at his honesty. “That’s all I ask.”

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing your forehead.  

“I love you too. I was right by the way,” you added with a satisfied smile.

“About what?”

“I do love you more today than yesterday.”

His answering smile was radiant. When he kissed you it was slow and deliberate and he poured every ounce of emotion into it.

“As do I,” he whispered when he pulled away. “As do I.”

You spent a little longer kissing and processing the night before. When you finally got yourselves ready for the day you found the downstairs was halfway to being a winter wonderland.

“Good morning, kids,” Sarah greeted from behind a box of Santas.  

“Good morning. You’ve been busy.”

“I can never wait to put up the Christmas decorations,” she admitted, panting out a laugh as she tried to juggle a box and the lights.  

“I’ll get it, Ma.”

Steve rushed to her side to help with the box, and that was how most of the day went. When it was time to call it quits before the ballet the place was completely decked out.

After a quick shower, you retreated into Sarah’s room to get ready together.

“You looked so beautiful on your wedding day,” you gushed when you noticed the wedding photos on her vanity as she carefully arranged your hair into an elegant twist. “I love your gown. It’s so classic.”

“Thank you. I still love that dress. I think if I were to get married again, I’d still pick it.”

“I hope I feel that way about my dress someday.”

“I’m sure you will.”

“Steve looks so much like his dad.”

“Yes, he does,” she sighed as she looked at the picture. “Sometimes when I come home and see Steve reading in this chair, I think it’s Joe for a just a minute.”

She sniffed as she pinned fabric flowers into your hair, just below your right ear.  

“You look so beautiful, sweetheart,” she complimented, looking over your shoulder into the mirror as she tucked the tag into the back of your dress and smoothed the flutter sleeves.  

You covered her hand with your own, squeezing.

“Thank you. And thank you again for this. It’s so amazing. I always dreamed of seeing the Nutcracker done professionally.”

“It’s my pleasure.” She leaned on the end of the bed to slip her shoes on. “I’m excited to share it with someone who loves it as much as I do. Joe and Steve have never quite shared my love of the ballet, but they always went along with me.”

She sat next to you on the vanity bench to put on her jewelry.

“Did you go often?”

“Usually just the Nutcracker. But Joe always made it special. He made sure that Steve and he were dressed in the best clothes. And he’d bring me a bouquet. Red roses and pink tulips. And we always took our holiday photo that night.”

“That so sweet.”

“This is the first year we’re going since Joe passed,” Sarah admitted quietly.

“Really?” you asked, choked up.

“Yes. Steve had been getting sicker. And by the time Dr. Erksine came along, it felt too hard to go back. So we just let the years pass.”

You tried to find the words to comfort her, but none came so you held her hand instead. She squeezed tightly, a silent thank you as she sniffed back a few tears.

“It was high time to bring the tradition back. And what better reason than to share it with someone so special to Steve.”

“I’m…” Flattered? Honored? You couldn’t find the right words.

“You don’t have to say anything. I think we understand each other very well.”  

You stayed quiet together for a few more moments before she shook her head and stand up.

“Are you ready, sweetheart?”

“Absolutely.”

Steve was dressed in a gray suit and sitting in the armchair in the living room scrolling through his phone when you and Sarah came down, but he immediately hopped to his feet when he heard you on the stairs.

“You both look beautiful.”

“Thank you, son.”

“Ma, I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

He reached behind the armchair and retrieved a bouquet of tulips and roses. You had to bite back your aww and you could see Sarah fighting tears.

“I know that things are different now with dad being gone, but I thought since we were bringing back this tradition, I could carry on this part too. I want to make things special for you again.”

She reached out to cup his cheek and you had to look away to give them privacy.

“Oh, Steve.”

She hugged him, bringing his head down to her shoulder as she cradled the back of his head.

“You are a good man. Your dad would be so proud.”

The ride to the Metropolitan Opera House was quiet. A lot of emotions had been stirred up so far that evening, but when you finally arrived, the overwhelming one was excitement. You couldn’t take in the details around you quickly enough. You were certain you were missing amazing things. You felt Steve’s amused gaze as he led you by the hand, allowing you to devour the new environment.

Once you were seated, you continued your attempt to commit the architecture to memory – memories you knew would never do it justice.

When the lights dimmed, your breath caught in anticipation. Steve’s fingers found yours, grounding you, even as you were threatened to be carried away by the music. You were one of the first on your feet during the curtain call, clapping until your hands stung and your arms were sore.

“What did you think?” Sarah asked as you slowly filed out of the theater.

“It was breathtaking. Did you enjoy it?”

“Very much so. And what about you, Steven? Did you enjoy the evening?” Sarah asked, a teasing tone in her voice you didn’t quite understand.

“I did,” he assured her. “I believe I saw something truly beautiful tonight.”

“I’m sure you did.”

You watched the back and forth curiously, before Sarah turned her attention back to you, clearly changing the subject.

“Y/n, sweetheart, would you mind taking our picture?”

“Of course.”

You took her phone from her and lined up a shot of the two of them below the marquee and then several close ups.

“There you go. Let me know if you like them,” you told her, handing back the phone.

“Oh they’re perfect. Okay, now let’s get you two together. Come on. Get close.”

Steve’s ears turned pink with his mother’s fussing, but tugged you into his side nonetheless. You felt awkward in the first few, but when you looked up to see Steve’s warm gaze you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“There you go! More like that. Act like you like each other.”

That made you laugh.

She took a few more pictures before asking a passerby to take one of the three of you and finally hailing a cab back home. She kissed both you and Steve good night.

As you lay, curled up in his bed, you asked the question that you’d been wondering since witnessing Steve and Sarah’s exchange.

“Steve,” you whispered.

“Yeah, sweetness.”

“Did you not like the ballet?”

He chuckled; he knew where you were going with this.

“To be honest, I didn’t watch most of it.”

“What were-“

“I was too busy watching you,” he explained. “That’s what Ma was teasing me for.”

“Why were you watching me?” You asked, just barely able to make out his features in the darkness.

“Because you are so beautiful when you’re happy. You light up so brightly. How could you expect me to watch anything else?”

You wanted to scoff. Or laugh it off. But you knew he was utterly serious.

“I could watch you be happy forever, sweetness.”

“Nothing would make me happier than forever with you,” you whispered.

“Win/win then,” he chuckled, pulling you close and kissing your temple.

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed. 

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[miafic]

Fall AU (Part 3)

Part 1

Part 2

Zakk spent a lot of his time in the hospital feeling like he was visiting someone else’s life, like this couldn’t have possibly been happening to him. Or to Lucas. But it was.

He looked at Instagram a lot when the pain got overwhelming. Seeing happy people hurt, but it helped, too. He texted his sister because she avoided emotions like the plague and wouldn’t dare bring up what was going on with Lucas or ask any questions about him. Zakk was grateful; everyone else wanted an update on Lucas and asked Zakk how he was holding up. All that accomplished was pulling more tears out of Zakk, and from his perspective, crying had become a waste of time.

He started wearing a name tag when he went to see Lucas. Not always, but sometimes. When he did, Lucas always looked at it a few times. When he didn’t, Lucas still seemed a little bit happy to see him. It made Zakk feel good that he not only recognized him but had a positive association with him, although the doctor who’d been working with Lucas the most thought that Lucas was basing the association on new memories, not old ones. That was okay with Zakk, at least for the time being.

As far as Lucas knew, Zakk was his friend. It was heartbreaking, but it was a good place to be, relatively. He’d come across some horror stories online from people whose spouses didn’t want anything to do with them when they woke up with amnesia, so all of a sudden, being Lucas’ friend didn’t seem so bad. He reminded himself again that Lucas was alive. He was confused, and he was having a tough time, but he was alive.

It was almost kind of funny when, after three days, everything sort of slowed to a stop, and Zakk was instructed to take Lucas home.

The hospital had run all the scans and blood tests that they could, and Lucas had met with a slew of neurologists and psychologists, but no one had been able to give Zakk any predictions of when - or if - Lucas might improve. Zakk felt fully unqualified to be caring for Lucas on his own, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He wouldn’t ever dream of giving anyone else the task, though. He wondered briefly if this was what bringing a new baby home was like.

“Did you bring me here?” Lucas wondered. Zakk was driving out of the hospital’s parking lot, and Lucas kept touching the line where the cold window met the plastic of the car door.

“Yeah,” Zakk nodded. “Do you remember?”

“I don’t think so.”

Zakk hummed quietly, just relieved when Lucas didn’t ask why Zakk had taken him to the hospital in the first place. “We need to get you a nice, hot shower.”

“You said that already.”

It was the fourth time he’d said it over the previous day and a half, but that was the first time that Lucas seemed to have noticed. Zakk grinned. “Yeah, I did.” Tears flooded his vision, and he shifted all of his effort into keeping them in his eyes. It upset Lucas when he cried. “Are you gonna stay in the big bedroom with me, or do you want me to set up the guest room for you?”

“We’re going to your house?”

“Yes.”

“What about my house?”

Zakk knew that he had to be careful with what he said. Slowly, he stated, “It’s… the same house.”

“We live together?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re my best friend?”

“Yeah.” It was true; they may have been married, but they were best friends, too.

“Do we usually sleep in the same room?”

“Mmhmm. Do you want to tonight, or no? You don’t have to decide right now, but-”

“I wanna sleep by myself.”

Zakk felt a little pang of sadness, but he wasn’t surprised. Lucas still hadn’t wanted him to stay overnight at the hospital, and besides, in Lucas’ eyes, they’d only known each other for a few days. “Okay. I’ll get the guest room ready for you while you take a shower.”

“What are you gonna do to it?”

“Um, put your pillow in there, bring you some clothes, make sure the air’s set how you like it...” Take the pictures out...

“How do I like the air?”

There had been a lot of questions like that over the last day. An offhand comment about Lucas’ hair prompted him to ask how he usually wore it. Then, as more things came up, he wanted to know what sports he followed, what his favorite color was, what music he listened to, what he typically ate for breakfast, what kind of clothes he liked… Zakk felt so lucky to be able to give him all of the answers.

“Well, usually you like it a little warm. But if you want it cooler, we can do that, too.” He gave Lucas a smile.

Lucas nodded. 

—

Zakk held his breath as they pulled into the driveway, praying that Lucas would recognize the house, but he didn’t. They parked and got out, and Lucas seemed so unsteady on his feet as he walked inside that Zakk was relieved that he’d thought to ask Big T to come pick Baby up before they left the hospital.

“I’ll leave the door open a little, okay?” Zakk directed as he walked Lucas across the master bathroom. “You just call for me if you need me, and I’ll come help you.”

Discomfort flickered across Lucas’ face again, and Zakk sighed a little before explaining, “I don’t want you to fall. Sit down if you need to. If you get dizzy. And if you’re just tired, too.” Even a mild head injury could potentially kill him. The chances of that were slim, but slim wasn’t zero, and Zakk wasn’t willing to risk it.

“Kay.”

“Do you remember how to turn it on?”

Lucas stared at the handle before hesitantly reaching in and turning it. A stream of water began to fall. 

“Good. A little more to the left.”

Lucas turned it farther.

“Yep. Left for hotter, right for colder.”

“Okay.”

Zakk started to walk away.

“Wait.”

“What’s up?”

“I…” He licked his lips, staring at the carpet. “I think my brother died.”

It only took a second for Zakk to figure out that he was talking about Chance. He nodded.

“He did?”

“Someone really, really close to you died.”

“Can I see a picture of him?”

Zakk smiled sadly. “Take your shower, and then we can look at some pictures.”

“Not of me. Just him.”

Zakk nodded. He kept refusing to look at himself, even in the mirror, and Zakk didn’t understand why. The doctor didn’t seem too surprised, though. “I’ll find some.” He pointed at Lucas. “Hey, I’m serious - you sit down if you need to. And call for me.”

“I will.”

—

“This is him?” Lucas murmured, touching the image of Chance’s face on the phone. The picture immediately enlarged, and then all they were looking at was half of a tan neck.

“Here.” Zakk took the phone and reset the photo. It happened again.

Lucas frowned deeply.

“Let me print them really quick,” Zakk suggested.

Lucas waited patiently, but Zakk noticed that he seemed more attentive than he’d been since this whole amnesia thing started. Usually, he gazed carelessly around the room or just zoned out, but Lucas was actually… interested. This seemed really good.

“Do I have pictures of him here?” he asked.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know where yours are, so I had his m- uh. I had someone send them to me.” 

“You don’t know where they are?”

“You hide stuff that’s important to you. Well - you don’t hide it, really, but you put it places and you don’t tell me. I don’t feel comfortable looking.” 

“Oh.”

Across the room, the printer started making noise. Lucas got up and walked over to it. He watched as the paper inched out of the machine, and then he picked up the first photo. “This is my little brother?” he asked.

“That was your high school best friend.”

“And you’re my now-best friend?”

“Uh-huh.” Zakk got up and went over to him. He tried not to look at Lucas’ long, wet hair.

“How old are we?”

Zakk hesitated and then wondered, “How old do you think you are?” 

Frustration crossed Lucas’ face. 

“You’re in your thirties.” 

The frustration turned to surprise, but it disappeared quickly as Lucas stared at the paper in his hands. 

Do you remember his name? Zakk wanted to inquire, but he didn’t, because the doctor had told him to stop asking that.

“He’s young,” Lucas stated, pointing at Chance.

“Seventeen.” 

“We were the same age?”

“Yes.”

“And he died?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened to him?”

“That’s… tricky. He decided to end his life, but you and I don’t know exactly how he passed away.”

That got Lucas to look at him. (Zakk wanted so badly to touch his hair.) “Why?”

“Your mom didn’t want anyone to tell you. If it helps, you told me a couple years ago that you’re glad you don’t know.”

Lucas didn’t respond to that. There was a long silence, and then he said curiously, “I think he likes turtles.”

Zakk smiled again, laughing a little in relief. “Yeah, sea turtles! He loved sea turtles.”

“I remembered something!” Lucas exclaimed, and it hit Zakk for the first time how distressing this whole experience must have been for Lucas.

“You sure did. You’re doing great, Lucas,” he replied sincerely. “I’m proud of you.” I love you so much. I’m so glad that it’s me taking care of you right now instead of you taking care of me.

The printer finished another photo, and Lucas reached down to pick it up. As he studied it, Zakk decided to ask a question he’d ask Lucas if Lucas were a kid at Peace and Purpose.

“What do you think about when you look at that picture?”

“I… don’t know his name,” Lucas murmured, “but I know how he makes me feel.”

“And how is that?”

Carrying the new piece of paper with both hands and not looking up from it, he went over to take a seat. “Sad. Happy.”

“Yeah.”

“But I know the turtles. Where’s his necklace?” Lucas asked, pushing at the image of Chance’s collar.

“You remember the necklace?!”

Lucas blinked, looking confused again. “No.”

“You just said…” Zakk said, his excitement fading as quickly as it had come. 

Lucas’ eyebrows knitted together, and the frown settled back onto his lips. He put the photo down. 

“That’s alright. Do you want to look at more pictures?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, what do you feel like doing?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I could sleep, I guess.”

Zakk glanced at the clock. It was almost 10. Sleep didn’t sound so bad, although he knew he’d ache all night to have Lucas lying with him just as he had every night for the last several days. He wondered whether it would be better or worse knowing that Lucas was just down the hall. 

Zakk decided not to restrain himself any longer; he reached out and brushed some of Lucas’ hair back over his shoulder. Moon of my life, he whispered inside his mind. “Okay. Let me grab your toothbrush.” He went into the bathroom and returned with it and an unopened tube of toothpaste. “If you need anything else, come get me. I don’t care what time it is.”

“Okay. Um, goodnight. Thanks for showing me the pictures of my friend.”

“Of course. Goodnight.”

Lucas closed the door, and Zakk felt his face crumble as he started to quietly cry. He envied Chance, the dead teenager, because Lucas had remembered him. He envied the fucking sea turtles. He felt weird for partially wishing that Lucas would have said that he wanted to have sex. Most of all, he missed combing Lucas’ hair out and then lying in his arms.

“Please, God,” Zakk whispered into the room as tears streamed down his cheeks. “Please, please, bring him back to me. Please bring him all the way back.”

---

Part 4

[doctorthedoctor]

A Far Cry From Nothing

After their return from the 17th century, Yaz finds solace in the words she's carried with her for years, and the familiar voice behind them.

Ao3

“Here.” Yaz settles on the floor beside the Doctor, placing a steaming mug in front of her. “A cuppa should help warm you up.”

“Thanks, Yaz,” the Doctor says, defeated. Silence falls between them after that, but it’s the comfortable kind, asking for nothing in return and mingling with the gently crackling fire burning in front of them.

They’re in the library, which is a room the TARDIS has, apparently. Yaz only just learned of it as the Doctor guided her through twisting corridors upon their return from the 17th century. She’s never been this far into the ship before, and she’s certain Graham and Ryan haven’t either. The room isn’t the vast and lavish display she’d expected. It’s small and quaint, dimly lit by candles and oil lamps, with uneven rows of tattered books lining the walls. There is proper, solid wood beneath the edge of the crimson rug they sit on. It feels special, almost like a time capsule tucked away in a lonely corner of the ship.

The Doctor slouches underneath several quilts, only slipping her hands out to reach for the tea. Warm light flickers on her skin as she takes a sip and hums in appreciation.

“Added some cinnamon to it,” Yaz says after taking a sip of her own. “Something my mum used to do back when I had a bad day at school . . . which was most days.”

A corner of the Doctor’s lip twitches into a smile, just for a second, and then it falls.

They’ve been on a few adventures since the Punjab, each a little different but all following the same sort of rhythm. Monsters wearing different faces. Victories with losses in between. Grey areas and deaths that linger as a permanent lump in Yaz’s throat—the kind she knows she’ll never get used to. The kind she doesn’t ever want to get used to. Because what happens when all of that becomes second nature to someone?

The Doctor, she’s learning. That’s what happens.

She can tell this life is one the Doctor has lived for quite some time. Yaz can feel it on her skin, rough fingertips calloused from the hours of work she busies herself with. She can see it in her eyes too. The way they mute and fall every so often when she thinks no one is looking. Sometimes even when she knows they are.

Their most recent adventure had been different, though. It’s not uncommon for the Doctor to become a target to the foes they confront. That is, in fact, painfully common. But something had snapped inside of her this time—almost like she finally put on her glasses and read the fine print of being who she is now. There’s more to consider, the Doctor is realizing, than simple matters of pockets and the like. There are obstructing forces that extend far beyond her control, baring their teeth and snarling over her words.

This is what it means now, to be her. Patronized. Silenced. And, in 17th century Lancashire, tethered to a tree and plunged into a river. Tried as a witch at the command of an ignorant king.

It’s all so clear now. And ridiculous. And wrong.

“Want to talk about it?” Yaz asks softly. The sincerity in her voice is almost warm enough to thaw the Doctor’s growing numbness. Almost. She meets Yaz’s gaze, shaking her head slowly as she breathes an empty laugh.

“You humans,” she mumbles, almost in disbelief. “You make it so hard. So much harder than it needs to be.”

“Make what harder?” Yaz has a feeling she already knows, but that’s not the point. “Existing,” the Doctor explains, her words taut with frustration. “As if it isn’t exhausting enough on its own, you lot have to go and make up all these silly little rules for it. Who’s allowed to do what, and when, and how. Like there’s only one right way and anyone who does it differently is wrong and less than because of it.”

“Yeah,” Yaz admits with a crushed sigh. “We’re pretty good at that, aren’t we?”

“Thirty six women, in one small village, in one tiny pocket of time. Thirty six. Dead. For no good reason.” The Doctor’s eyes fall down to her mug, chasing the swirling flames reflected in the white glaze. “There’s never a good reason,” she murmurs.

“Never,” Yaz agrees. “I’ll never understand it. How people can know they’re hurting someone and decide to keep doing it anyway . . .”

The Doctor looks up at her, surprise and a touch of embarrassment written on her face, as if she’s just realized she isn’t the only one in the room. “Look at me,” she says sheepishly. “I’m sat here sulking as if this is the worst of it.”

Yaz stays quiet, like the words haven’t even reached her, but the Doctor watches intently as her body does the talking. Her jaw flickers ever so slightly and her breathing begins sounding more like a chore. Social cues don’t come naturally to her this time around, but the Doctor finds that Yasmin Khan is a language she can understand almost innately.

“I’m so sorry about Izzy,” she whispers. “I had no idea.”

Yaz’s chest tightens as she forces down a trembling breath. “Don’t like to talk about it much.” She shrugs, trying her best to keep everything in. “It was the worst year of my life. She made me believe so many awful things about myself. Made me feel like nothing.”

“You’re a far cry from nothing, Yaz,” the Doctor insists, hazel eyes beaming as if they reflect the whole of the universe in them.

Black curls mask Yaz’s face as she looks down at the floor and traces a finger over the amber lit grain of the wood. Only part of her is still in the room, the other part tangled up in bitter memories. “Tell that to the little muslim girl with ‘terrorist’ carved into her notebooks,” she says in a small voice. The words might as well be a rock crashing through a mirror; there are no tears, but everything seems to shatter.

Without hesitation, the Doctor slides close, leaving no room between them. She sheds half of her quilts and drapes them tenderly over Yaz, keeping one arm wrapped around her while the other guides her sunken head to rest on her shoulder.

“I’ve got all of time and space in arm's reach,” the Doctor whispers, “maybe I will.”

Yaz cracks a smile and relaxes, letting her body sink into the embrace as she rests her hand on the Doctor’s thigh. Without any forethought, the Doctor dips her head down and feels the soft silk of Yaz’s hair against her lips. It’s like diving into a jar of honey glimmering in the afternoon sun, and it’s in that moment the Doctor knows with certainty that Yasmin Khan will linger on her skin until the end of time itself.

Neither of them say anything, but neither of them feel like they need to. They sit wordlessly, drinking in the comfort of each other’s presence as they so often do. The kiss is quick and gentle, quiet in a way that makes it feel like something that happens all the time. It seems almost like an instinct, but there’s a newness to it—one that plunges Yaz into a pool of rippling warmth and makes her heart stutter. It’s special, she thinks, to have an anchor in the wake of everything else that is.

If only existing outside of these timeworn walls were just as easy.

*           *           *

Yaz finds herself cozied up on her bedroom floor with an old shoebox later that night. She’d unearthed it from the clutter beneath her bed after deciding to give her room a long overdue cleaning. The box is blanketed in brown craft paper decorated with hand-drawn stars of every color, though she’s always favored the purple ones. The corners have dented over the years and edges of the paper are now frayed, but everything that matters on the inside is still there.

The box is brimming with memories. Yaz stumbles into so many pieces of herself she’d forgotten about over the years. Photos from her football days in primary, filled with wide grins and missing teeth. A friendship bracelet her friend, Aisha, had made on their school camping trip. Even one of the daisies Danny had picked for her during their first of many strolls in Endcliffe Park together. And then, at the very bottom, she finds a message scribbled on a ripped piece of notebook paper. The blue lines have since faded, but the words still look as fresh and crisp as the day she found it.

There had been a small electrical fire that day. The entire school lost power, forcing the students and faculty to evacuate with no time to pack up. They waited out in the parking lot for about an hour before learning that they wouldn’t be allowed back in until the following day.

Yaz found all of her belongings sitting exactly as she had left them the day before, with the exception of a tiny shred of paper sticking out of her maths notebook. It was tucked behind a page marked up with an assortment of ugly names that had been hurled at her one too many times before, but in her night away, the names had been firmly—and mysteriously—crossed out.

She never did figure out who was behind it. No student in that school offered her any semblance of kindness with Izzy around, so she’s always chalked it up to having been done by a teacher or janitor that took pity on her. That note was the first flicker of light she’d seen in a long time. Desperate to cling to it, Yaz started a collection of anything that twinkled and made her feel lighter. Her little box of stars, she called it, and she held them close for a very long time. Even after she was rid of Izzy, they continued to bring her endless comfort and warmth. Those stars were her anchor. They still are.

Though she now sits alone in her room, Yaz feels anything but as she raises the note and studies the loosely scrawled letters once more. The handwriting is sloppy, like the words had been jotted in a hurry. The message itself has never translated as careless, though. In fact, those words have nestled into her chest as some of the most sincere words ever spoken to her:

There’s more than this.

You’re more than this.

With one corner of her lips curled into a smile, Yaz runs her thumb over the letters, now realizing that the stranger behind them is actually no stranger at all, but a friend still making their way. An extraordinary sight she’d yet to behold. An entire universe longing to be discovered.

Yaz reads the message over and over, feeling more renewed than she ever has since the day she found it. The words settle further into her chest, nestling deep into the dusty chambers of her heart and warming her from the inside out. Except she can hear a voice with them now, one she knows will echo through her mind long after these stars have found their place back underneath her bed. It’s okay, though, she doesn’t find herself needing them nowadays anyway. The real ones are much brighter, exceptionally warmer, and more stunning than she ever could have dreamed.

And for the first time, Yaz is glad she stuck around to see them.