#i talk about my family

[pinkrobinontheloose]

So

Here's the thing. (This probably is going to be a disaster and some trauma dumping on my behalf, and with some grammatical and spelling errors 'cause English is not my first language, so be aware)(Side note: I'm from Venezuela, which will play a huge part in everything I'm about to say)

It's hard living with your parents when you're the youngest and the only one who got a college degree, out of all your siblings. And is autistic/depressed/chronically ill.

It's rough.

Recently, while I was seeing a Tik Tok about the Batman and I realized why I vibe with Tim so hard, more than any other. 'Cause I'm the same way. They were talking about the roles that children take in abusive/neglectful/dysfuctional households.

They talked about 4 roles:

- The hero (Dick): A child who takes on the role of the parents.

- The rebel (Jason): They like to go against the rules and forms of authority, as well as dynamics wich include some form of power dynamics. Also, they could, in some way or minimal form, be part of the problem.

- The lost child (Tim): The quiet, discreet one. Who's needs often are overlooked and hided.

- The mascot/brains (Damian): It uses the comedy and laughter as a way to distract the attention from the dysfunctionality of the family. As well, the brain ones, are the ones who takes any minimal chance they get to use the mistake of one member against them.

And they talked about in how this roles played a huge part in the development of this child's and their adulthood.

As soon as I ended that video I cried super hard, because I saw myself in Tim.

It feels selfish and narcissistic to say it, but I was the lost child.

My sister was the hero, my brother the goofon and I was the lost child (wich is such a dramatic title).

Our house was a weird combination of the 3. My parents were there in our childhoods, but they never where really there. Our family dinamic could range from being super happy to be supper tense and scary in just one second. My father is the center of it all. You didn't want to piss him off. He rarely is abusive physically, but God, did he have other ways to hurt you. My mother is mostly, distant, she will scream and insult him and pass it as taking care of us, but at the same time, she only did it for herself. She will tell you to just succumb for anything my father says, if that means she can keep her peace of mind.

My sister will always try to protect us and care, she was the one who tried to advocate and fighted our parents. She is this strong, protective, quick witted woman who has so much emotional damage that limits her capacity to love and feel secure with people, especially man. She is our Dick.

My brother on the other hand is an asshole. A jerk who is neglectful with his children in his own way. A big jerk to woman's. I... He did things to me which I never talk about and no one knows about, except me and him. He always tried to pass everything as a joke and made seem that everything was fine. My dad and him always had an explosive relationship, they will have screaming matches, physical figths, neglect, shaming, hatred, everything that they could do the other. But was my mother's favorite. And he became Jason of our family. Everything he does, is forgived and passed as a mistake or misjudgment.

Then there was me. The weirs, sickly child who's siblings hated for being the reason their parents no longer cared for each other and played by the rules this parents established, the one who never quite understood why people treated as if was an stupid with high grades. The one who had to take the downfall of every single one mistake the other two did. The one who had to be the fucking parent for her own parents. I'm Tim.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw that, and only I could think of all the ways I failed my "family" to be "more family like" instead of thinking about all the things they let me down for.

I just....

I remember the only therapist I saw in my life told me once "you can't always expect to make them happy, as well, you can't expect them to make you happy or being happy in your behalf. Cause to them, you are breaking the mold and expectations they set up, even the ones who wish you good, set up expectations. They conditioned you, and you conditioned your surroundings to believe that, if you make a mistake, you're not worthy of love. You are the problem"

So yeah.

I'm Tim.

I'm the problem.

[crow-caller]

as a child there's nothing cooler than a kid who gets subjected to evil experiments and gains special abilities. it's even cooler if these abilities also cause unfathomable suffering to use/against others. children love stories like this.

[allyriadayne]

House Strong during the Dance of the Dragons

[heyhanibee]

Kataang Week—Day 3: Parenting/First-Time Parents

[metanarrates]

I genuinely feel like an alien compared to my coworkers when they try to chat with me about things like dating and weight loss. like what are you SAYING about "oh you know it's just so hard to make your man understand the instructions you give him?" why are you trying to connect with me by complaining that you gained 15 pounds? is this how most people form connections in the workplace? i for real do not get it

[s0fter-sin]

thinking about the way ghost doesn't hesitate to start killing shadows when graves betrays them but soap only takes one hostage

you can almost hear the voice in his head telling him it doesn't have to be this way; they can still talk it out

"i'm calling shepherd"

his first instinct when confronted with betrayal is to play it by the books: to go up the chain. that goes against everything we've seen him do. he bucks authority at every chance except for the one time he's confronted with the barrels of his allies' guns

he wants a peaceful resolution; for the first time we've ever seen, he doesn't want violence to be the answer. there has to be another fix, a solution that doesn't end with him killing the same men he's been working with; his friends

nothing's happened yet

it doesn't have to go this way

but ghost has been betrayed before. he knows the way this ends; either with him six feet under or his enemy

he doesn't hesitate

it's only when they knock alejandro out that soap shoots; when they spill the first blood and cross a line they can never come back from

only when ghost orders him to run and he has to cover his retreat

and somewhere along the line, between civilians’ screams and taunting voices, between his shaking breath and ghost steady in his ear, that naivety is stripped away; his trust turned to teeth that he uses to sink into throats of men he'd have given his life for

"be careful who you trust, sergeant; people you know can hurt you the most"

he's learned the price of trust

just like ghost did

but unlike ghost, he has someone to guide him through the aftermath

"good advice, It"

[anotherpapercut]

just had an absolutely sickening conversation with a 20 year old I work with wherein I had to impress upon her that her and her friends need to be extremely cautious going to the gay clubs right now with increasing attacks happening. make sure any very young, very newly adult queer people in your life know that we're a family and community and part of that is being willing to fight for your siblings lives if they're under attack. even if it's a person you despise, you stick up for your family and they will stick up for you. we are all we have. the cops refuse to help, and so do most people outside the community. we cannot survive without each other

[smokin-salmon]

Fuck it. *Makes the old woman cry*

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[soosoosoup]

Funk branch au

Au and branch design by @bbc-trolls

[insert-cephalopod-joke]

[sp0o0kylights]

Grass is green, water is wet, and Jonathan Byers does not like Steve Harrington.

These are known facts in the universe.

Computers were going to take over the world, a “mobile” phone was being invented, and Steve Harrington had lost most of his hearing.

These were unknown facts--rumors even, if you will. Eddie had never seen even a grain of truth to support any of them. 

(Well, maybe the computer thing, but only because Grant and Dustin both had made a couple of convincing arguments.) 

So he doesn’t think about it, when his freshman gang up on him. 

Doesn’t even factor the “can’t hear well” thing in, when he was tasked (demanded, whined, bitched and moaned at) with helping them explain to Steve why going to the release party of the new D&D box set, located at a hobby store only a mere 2 hour drive away, was important.

Eddie’s not even sure how the little shits got him to agree to do it until he’s standing in the parking lot in front of the former King himself. 

“The store’s leading up to the release with a handful of one-shots.” He’s explaining, unsure whether to pull out the bored act or play up his court jester persona, and thus mixing and matching on the fly. 

He does not care if Harrington doesn’t know what a one-shot is. 

“They’re releasing the set at midnight. You have to be there to get it though, you can’t have someone else pick it up for you because they only got a certain amount in.” 

Harrington’s frowning (no surprise) but it’s not until Eddie is well into his spiel about how his van is already full with the elder members of Hellfire, and thus has no room for the freshmen, that he realizes Steve isn’t quite looking at him. 

Is in fact, looking over his shoulder.

Eddie stops. Follows Harrington’s gaze.

Parked across from Steve’s Beemer, is Jonathan Byer’s barely working clunker car. 

A handful of steps in front of it, and thus nearly right behind Eddie, is the man himself.

His hands are still moving, mouth shaping words silent as he goes, his gaze locked not on Eddie or the kids--but on Steve. 

Who turns back around as Harrington’s eyes slide right back to him. 

“And this is taking place next Friday?” He says, in that sort of annoyed but resigned way parents aim at their children. “After school?” 

“I’d like to go during  school, but the freshmen insist you wouldn’t let them ditch out.” Eddie tells him. “They had two separate arguments about it.” 

Loud ones, that had interrupted the game and given Eddie a migraine. 

Once again Steve’s eyes slide away from him, to Jonathan. 

“They’re not skipping school.” He says suddenly, a glare forming and Jonathan makes an annoyed noise. 

“They argued about skipping, they’re not going to.” He says aloud, and finally steps up so that he’s next to Eddie instead of behind him. 

“Munson slow down, I can’t sign as fast as you’re talking.” He adds, in the hang-dog grumble he’s notorious for. 

Eddie stares at him. 

“Can he seriously not hear me?” 

“No.” Steve and Jonathan answer together. 

“I can kind of still hear,” Steve adds, gaze returning to Eddie’s face. “But its more loud music or noises. I can lip read, but you’re also talking too fast for that.” 

Without pausing, he turns back to Jonathan and says; “Why can’t you take them?”

“It’s Friday.” Byers deadpans. 

Eddie’s not an expert on sign language, but his hands somehow looked deadpan too. 

He’s not sure how Jonathan did that. 

“So?” Steve snarks back. 

What follows is an argument that Eddie is not, at all involved in, mostly because he’s too busy handling the fact that Jonathan Byers has learned sign language, for Steve Harrington, apparently, and given the tone the argument is taking they still don’t even like each other.  

Eventually the argument ends, Steve throwing his hands in the air and demanding that Jonathan owes him. 

(Eventually Eddie will corner the ever so quiet Will Byers and ask why the hell his brother learned sign language for someone he clearly fucking hates.

“Oh they don’t hate each other.” Baby Byers would say, in that shy, quiet way of his. “I think they’re actually friends now?” 

“You think?”

“Well--you’ve seen them.” Will shrugs. “I think being mean to each other is kinda their thing.” 

‘What the hell.’ Eddie would think, right up until he stumbled across one of the kids sign language books. 

Byers the Elder, he decides, isn’t the only person who should learn sign language to chew out Harrington properly.

The pay off is immediate. 

Or at least, the pay off of watching Steve’s shocked face the first time Eddie signs something vulgar at him is, anyway.)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 261

“So is no one going to talk about the eldritch space child or…” 

“I mean, do you want to get between a child and Batman? I think the only one who could even get close right now is Superman…” 

“No you’re right, I think- oh my god the eldritch space child is playing with batman’s bat-ears and he’s not doing anything about it what the fuck I thought only Robins could get away with that-” 

[notbecauseofvictories]

I think the most terrifying part of any relationship is the ongoing awareness that you are going to have to trust someone when they appear to like or love you. There is no objective way to check your status with someone, no app that will say "they like you overall but are mad at you right now, specifically for x or y or a vague z thing that you didn't even clock when it was happening. But! if you send them a nice card and small gift, they will forget about it and return to base level affection"

instead, you have to just....keep having a relationship with that person, doing big and small things with or for them, and praying that you will both be brave and evolved enough to raise x/y/z as an issue if it genuinely is problem.

Mortifying ordeal of being known, down to your very gluons, and disliked.

[turtleblogatlast]

I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.