#i think i need people with like. bad childhoods or mental problems or whatever or else i don't feel a genuine connection

[no-one-hears-me]

boutta ask my bro if he has any hot friends to send my way as a distraction

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Some truths people need to accept about therapy

This isn't an anti-therapy post. If it works for you, that's great. I just see people getting a bit pushy when it comes to encouraging others to attend and not accepting different points of views. Some of these I've talked about before but figured I'd list them here anyway

-Bad therapists exist. Sometimes people aren't good in the field they chose. Sometimes those people are the wrong kind of people to be in that field. You know, like when they that the "mean girls" become nurses. A bad therapist, for example, might take the side of an abusive parent, using excuses like "they probably had a bad childhood" or "they did their best." If you're there because you're seeking help, that isn't helpful. Imagine being traumatized by the abuse you suffered and the person who is supposed to help you sympathizes with your abuser instead. It happens and it's not okay.

But I've seen people online that get defensive when these therapists are called out or the practice has any sort of criticism towards it. I think a lot of that stems from wanting to protect therapy in a sense from being badmouthed. But then you have this problem of shutting out anything that could be deemed oppositional and you hurt people in the process. (which I'll get into more on the next point). If you take criticism and believe that comes from an anti-therapy mindset, then you need to reflect and ask yourself why you only want to accept the positivity. Those bad therapists don't just cease to exist because you've shut the "idea" of them out.

Bad therapists need to be held accountable for their actions. And in sense, I'm not referring to "bad" as a bad fit for you. I'm talking about those that behave unethically or something else along those lines.

And no, saying that "well therapists are humans too..." is not an acceptable excuse. Sure, it's true but I hold people of certain professions to a higher standard than others. A fast food worker making a mistake and giving you the wrong food is one thing. But you'd probably have a much stronger reaction if a nurse gives the wrong dose of medication to your loved one because they weren't paying attention. Are you going to be placated by "they're only human"?

In the same way, you don't want a therapist that can worsen your mental health. A therapist is in a position of a delicate situation- bad ones need to be weeded out. I think too often people just shrug and tell others if they don't like their therapists then just try a new one. That's not always an option for someone, especially if for insurance reasons or whatever, they have limiting options of who they can go see.

-You shouldn't invalidate someone's experience. Kinda goes along with number one. As it was mentioned, a bad therapist can worsen someone's mental health. Someone might have had a bad experience and doesn't want to go back ever or they might be hesitant because they don't want to encounter it again. The thing is, though, in many cases if someone has a bad experience in therapy there's this assumption that it's their own fault. They weren't willing to work hard enough. They obviously don't want to get help. If you think about it, isn't that victim blaming?

Sure, there's people who go to therapy and are like that, but it's not the case for everyone. But I see this sort of thing online a lot.

-Not everyone has access to therapy, be that because of financial reasons or there isn't a place near them offering services. This is a huge one too. Online, people throw the word therapy around like there are no obstacles for anyone and if you don't go, you're just not willing to help yourself. Not everyone can go. Instead of acting morally superior, try to understand that everyone's situation is different

-Someone not having the time to go is valid. it's great that you're going to work full time, taking care of the kids, maintaining the house and having a social life while being able to squeeze in a therapy appointment but it's just not realistic for a lot of people and you have to understand that. And I know to some people it's as easy as if you really want it you'll make time for it but again, that's not necessarily how that works. You can really want something sometimes and it's just not feasible for you. You have to understand that your experience does not mean it's the same for everyone

-Be respectful if someone doesn't want it. Maybe they'll attend in the future or maybe they won't and that's okay. It isn't the only form of help they can get for themselves. You can't expect people to be respectful of you or others if you(/they) want therapy if you're not willing to be respectful in return

Again, don't act morally superior. Don't mock them. Just don't. It's not right and it won't bring someone any closer to going so I don't know why someone would do it

-It just doesn't work for everyone and that's okay

Don't be the kind of person to push someone away from getting help (be that for the first time or again)

Sometimes we get so enthusiastic (/ protective) of something we believe in that we push people away by being narrow minded and that's what I see happening here

[restinslices]

Heyyy omg first i wanted to say how much i love the things you write!! Thanks for giving me for free teehee ;p Second... sorry i always feel so awkward when i ask someone to write something that i dream of, like, i'm demanding or being selfish lmaooo im sorry for rambling... SORRY I NEED TO ASK ONLY YOU CAN DO IIITTTTT: So, i was watching Avatar: the legend of aang and there is this part when the group goes to a theater and Katara (the protagonist love interest) sits and then one of the group sits beside her and the protagonist is like "hey can you let me sit there?" its so cute like... SO SORRY, But do you think would be nice a fic, headcanon or anything when the reader is very liked by Kung Lao, Johnny and Kenshi (or any character you like) and they kind fight each other to stay closer to the reader or spend more time with them... Sorry for my bad english i had to let this out...

Idk why my brain was struggling to figure out how to write this but there we are. I hope you like it!

You were waiting for this particular movie for a long time and although you told them that coming with you wasn't necessary and you didn't wanna be a bother, they decided to join anyway 

To you it looks like “wow, my friends are so nice”. To them it's “I can't wait to spend more time- y'all are coming too?!”

The fighting to stay near you begins early on

You ask to ride shotgun and obviously they say yes. Now they're fighting over who drives 

Kung Lao says he can drive because he'll get you there quicker 

Johnny says he can drive because he's the better driver and won't get you arrested (Kung Lao tends to speed)

Kenshi… well… he knows to sit this one out 

None of them get their way though because Raiden ends up driving 

Which annoys all of them because Raiden is the only one who doesn't like you 

Childhood best friends who could only see each other as siblings type of shit. It pisses all of them off because that means Raiden is always near you 

You go to a store to get snacks because who actually buys snacks at the movie theater? 

And they are latched to you

You say to spread out and get whatever candy or snacks they want and they all magically want whatever snacks are in the aisle you're in 

It's pathetic 

Little problem though. You have two sides and it's three of them

There's behind you but it's not the same. It doesn't feel like they're apart of a conversation 

“Everyone thinks I'm blind so to avoid suspicion, I should hold onto you”

Kenshi’s resourceful (I still don't know if he can see now or just in combat) 

That guarantees him a spot by your side 

Now the two most conceded people gotta fight for that next spot 

Johnny immediately slides next to you but Kung Lao squeezes in and pretends he sees candy he really likes 

He actually hates Sweet Tarts but it worked at least 

These two are giving each other funny looks the whole time in the store 

That's pretty much all they do the whole time you're in the store. Just sliding in between each other 

Then you get back in the car and Raiden drives again, which still bothers them 

You get to the theater, get your tickets and get to your room or whatever it's called. Last movie I saw in theaters was Black Widow-

You like sitting in the outer seat though so that means only one person can sit by you 

Raiden goes to sit by you and at this point, they think it's on purpose 

Johnny shoves $20 in his hand and has him sit somewhere else 

So now the other two are mentally booing 

Johnny goes to use the bathroom and Kung Lao sits in his seat, even though you say Johnny is gonna want his spot back 

And of course Johnny comes back and wants Kung Lao to move, which causes a whisper argument and you have to take matters into your own hands and tell them both to move and for Kenshi to sit by you since they wanna be childish 

They legit wanna kill each other now 

“Everything was going fine. Why'd you take my spot?!” “You moved!” “I hate you” “Hate your debt” “Weren't you rejected as the champion?” “Weren't you?”

Kenshi is feeling great though. You guys are whispering and laughing the whole time 

He definitely feels better than the other two 

He makes sure to hold his bladder. Y'all are not finna fuck him over 

The other two are side eyeing him the whole time

They use passing snacks as a way to still chat but you’re like “bro there’s a movie on”

The movie ends and you guys leave and they don't even protest about Raiden driving because they know it is what it is 

They drop you off first and once you're inside, the yelling starts 

Multiple things are revealed 

A) Raiden knew what he was doing. He finds it funny. 

B) Kung Lao and Johnny are now enemies for life 

C) Kenshi believes he has a better chance with you now 

More events will be planned and this will happen all over again so good luck 

Y’all I made a library run and I’m so hype for these books. Y’all don’t understand. I was riding my bike back home with a smile on my face

[valyrra]

Ok. I have the need to explain myself due to the recent ask because I like to over-analyze and kinda am just an otherthinker.

TW: rape/suicide/hate/trauma/mental disorders/vent/selfharm/LONG post

TLDR: Morally bad things in fiction should and always will be existing. And you shouldn't tell people to kill themselves - you never know what consequences will be. If you think taking one's REAL life is good who's the villain then? ;)

Why I think fictional(!) rape is better (as a concept) than sending someone words like "you should kill yourself" in REAL life.

To anon: You don't actually can change my mind about this one. I think I've already gotten messages like this and still to anon - godbless you or whatever you believe in. I hope you won't ever be experiencing any of the trauma or just bad things in general. have a good day, sweetheart.

I didn't get to what character you referred to but I'm gonna take my guesses: Micah Bell, Thragg or Homelander perhaps? (with Micah I don't actually think it was stated in-game that he raped someone? if I'm wrong you are free to send me sources, but I think he just said that he threatened girls from the gang with a gun into fucking them but they still didn't/he let them go?)

Rape is bad :) That's it. There's no in-between. Killing is bad. There a lot of things that are bad and morally wrong. What's IMO justifying these things in fiction:

It's fiction. It isn't real

If it's written well - it can be a great story-moving point.

If you are closing your eyes to these problems you are delusional? This is a MORALLY WRONG concept - you SHOULD think about this. You SHOULD think it's morally wrong. Villains should get you icks. They give me icks. Most do.

Not writing morally wrong doings of a villain is your opinion. But idk who can you write that way.

I'm gonna talk about the Invincible comic book for a bit. Here's Thragg. Here's Anissa. I'm sorry but do you often see female r*pists in fiction? I don't think so. Does it make you hate her? Yes. Does it makes you think bad about female r*pists? Yes. Is this problem in society is talked about less in general? Yes. Is this raising the opinions? Yes. Is it going to make ME hate the character from the writing point of view? No. You do you. I like Anissa as a character, not based on her doings, but based on her writing. Same goes to A LOT of characters I like.

LOL remembered this vid about fictional violence:

Opinion about writing/Micah Bell:

I love him honestly. The first time I played the game I didn't put much thought into his character, but second playthrough is what made me appreciate the whole storytelling of the game from the writing position. Micah is an exceptionally amazing antagonist from his Man VS God conflict to the Fathers and Sons narrative that haunts him until his death.

People who write "WELL I THINK MICAH SHOULDNT HAVE EXISTED" I am afraid, didn't get his character. What the fuck did you expect? A wild west story without good written villains? Flowers? Happy endings? Dude, please drop your rose-colored spectacles. You got the amazing storytelling, great DEEP characters and yet you are complaining. You know probably you should hate Micah. Your choice. Probably I'm digging too deep, but I have analyzed this character too much to hate him now.

He's traumatized from childhood and isn't sympathetic to anyone, even himself. Dude's too deep in shit and I feel pity for him. I wouldn't be able to fix him, no one would. And I feel sympathy for most people in this position.

I love Micah Bell's philosophy in life. It's very much twisted but there are a lot of things that my overthinking mind is channeling fucking strength from.

"Listen. What will be - will be. Ain't nothing a feller can do about it. Ain't no one changing nothing. I've got all kinds of crazy in me - ain't nothing I can do about it. Ain't my fault - ain't no one's fault. Just live your goddamn life and when its time - go out shooting!"

Dude isn't making himself a victim. I love that. He gets that the world isn't a happy place, yet he's not going down without a fight :) Very good anti-suicide quote in my opinion ngl.

Man I don't even write bad things here I think...? I mean like about Micah for sure. Yeah, I ship him with my RDR OC just because like... I like his writing, I support women's wrongs IN FICTION. In my own story that won't ever elaborate on Lyra will get even pregnant from him because I think I'd like a certainly strong female character that fucks with a bad bad guy out of spite/he didn't rape her and she like kills and shoots and stabs people while being a woman and pregnant in that historic moment because that for sure would be fun. (plus I want also to integrate another OC Eva in the story which will kinda struggle to live a morally right life despite her both parents are crazy)

You aren't bad for liking bad characters:

Mental health // Here goes the thing that contradicts my own opinion internally // my psyche:

I'm pretty open about my mental health. I'm open about a very stigmatized disorders like for example BPD. There's this thing I never got properly diagnosed with and its OCD. Kinda a self-diagnosed thing is like I "get stuck" on some intrusive things. And this shit is what I struggle with daily. Usually yeah, they are violent but only towards myself (sometimes not violent at all). I have cut myself because I liked Bi-Han (Sub-Zero). You don't know how much time I spent hating myself for getting fixated on morally bad characters. I NEVER blame or shame or would threaten or bully a person for liking a bad character, I do this to myself only. Maybe it's more of a sexual thing? You know how my sweet mutual (@ l3vi4than)'s banner says: "My taste in men is a form of selfharm". With some characters - it's pretty much the case. Like with Thragg mostly I think or whatever idk. Homelander or Adam Smasher. Man, I am a certified monster fucker from like 13 years old when my brain went like: "Hello, Alex Mercer is sexy af with and without his armor ability".

Unfortunately - my brain is very bad and makes me thing I'm the worst human on Earth. But still kinda there are worse kinks than this? I think I've read somewhere that like a very big percentage of women like CNC even if they are feminists / against rape and etc. Well I'm not sure where I was going with that but like even having a kink doesn't make you a bad person? Who tf am I harming except for my own mind?

A lot of reassurance from my mutuals in tumblr helped honestly. I am grateful for people reassuring me that like all human beings I am still deserving of love even if I FIXATE ON certain characters.

fyi:

Research has shown approximately 70 percent of people with borderline personality disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lifetimes. About 10 percent complete the act. This suicide rate is higher than any other psychiatric disorder and the general population. You never know what people are going through. Don't push people. Suicide isn't a joke. Right now I'm in a right place of mind where I can even write long posts like these but things change quickly. Yesterday while playing DBD I encountered a very cute and friendly Wraith player who is suicidal. In gaming it's kinda cool to be immoral like wishing people to kill themselves especially in session games like idk Dota2,CS,LoL,Valorant,Overwatch etc (these are the games I've played which were kinda toxic). And I was a toxic gamer myself when I was younger. Wrote nasty things, but kinda grew up and realised that this shit is harmful af.

Sorry for this long post just kinda had to get some things out of my mind.

Have a good day and don't be like anon. Feel free if you want to contradict any shit I wrote I'm open for opinions.

[sunnydayroleplay]

Hi! How are you feeling?I know you're taking a break, but I couldn't get this off my mind. And I would kill to have it written. You can ignore this if you need, but I'm gonna put it down regardless. What is your take on Joseph's childhood? Did he runaway? Why did he? How did his parents treat him if he did indeed have parents? Why is he the way he is now? How much of Jack is truly in Joseph? Or better yet, how much of Joseph is left in Jack?

Hi! I'm okay, I'm doing much better! Thank you for asking. I've thought about this idea before, and I was reminded of a few posts I've seen. So this post might be slightly influenced ehe. I'll edit links when I find them!! Until then, let's write it! Contents Inside: Child Neglect, Marital Problems, Abuse, Alcoholism, Drug Use, Murder.

This is all pure speculation and theory! Don't mistake it for true lore :3 ______________________________________________________________

Before we go into what Joseph's childhood was like before he ran away, let's begin to what is was before. Now when it comes to this, I have two ideas. Before it all went downhill, Joseph was a normal child. His parents still madly in love since the day they met and wedded; treating him well, and wonderful. His school-life normal, good grades, a decent amount of peers. He had hobbies, likes and dislikes. It was alright, and "just alright" was perfect for him. Unfortunately, in the worst case scenarios, perfect doesn't last forever. Now, with this, we could go a series of ways. The parents begin to struggle financially. Possibly someone got laid off from work, possible infidelity. There's so much we could go on about. But I'll leave your opinions to you. For now, we'll say that the marriage started getting rocky, jobs gotten and lost. His parents couldn't afford to have a kid anymore. So they started neglecting him. Putting him up for adoption was a no-go. What would their parents think. Or all their peers the next time they got a job and suddenly everything went alright? They'd be right back to where they once were. They began to neglect Joseph once he was at the age where he could talk decently somewhat, express his needs, and know basic life necessities. We're talking 10-12 years old here. Joseph began struggling both mentally and physically, due to the constant fighting going around between his parents. Berating from his own mother every time he walked into the door. His dad reaching for and grabbing anything within his reach to beat Joseph black and blue when he didn't do something in record breaking time. Whenever he walked out of his room, he's walking on thin ice because he doesn't know if it'll be a literal slap on the wrist, or being locked out for days. With the constant shitty home life, his school life was affected enormously. His grades went down, and he just got around with the wrong people. He was like any "out of place" child. All he truly wanted was attention and some sort of leverage to lean against. Someone to just listen because he's used to being ignored. By the time he was in high-school, he got into some worse shit. We can only assume that he got into drugs, underage drinking, and a smoking addiction that followed him into adulthood. Hence the line: “You’ve changed. You’re clean now. You can be whatever you wanna be.” Coming from Jack in the ‘Bad Yogurt’ Ending. I mean, someone doesn’t change their entire identity without a reason. Now, as it was mentioned in the tapes (In the official game itself), in an “interview” with the the *other* Joseph asks “Mr.Haberdae” about his tattoos. He mentions how Haberdae most likely went through a troublesome childhood, wanted to lash out, stand out from everyone else, and Haberdae more or less agrees.

But before we get into his adulthood-death part, lets go back to ‘running away’. I believe he ran away around 15-16. The reason I don’t think he ran way any younger was because of pure fear. Being 10-12, you don’t know any better really. You’re scared to leave because you know you have no where else to go. Because of the environment you grew up in, who would want to take a “dumb, useless child”? No one. He didn’t run away that young, because he was scared that he was going to go through so much worse. But now? Hes a teenager, he knows sure of a lot more, he has more opinions and more knowledge of the outside world. “No one cares, not even your parents.”

The sun is getting ready to set, the sky is just a beautiful orange sunsetty color. The clouds wispy, and the air freshly crisp. In the middle of it all, the sun hiding behind him, Joseph walking down his neighborhood sidewalk thinking to himself. His hands in his pockets, looking around side to side as if he’s just waiting for his parents to rush out the door and chase him down, knowing full well they won’t. His school backpack now filled with clothes instead of stationary. Two water bottles stuck at the sides, with about 5.78 in change. He didn’t have much, but it was enough to catch a bus, maybe hitchhike a ride. Didn’t matter where, but he just had to go. His mind raced with an array of thoughts and emotion, but he had to do it. He wanted to get as far away as possible from this wretched town.

He knows can’t live on 5 dollars for the rest of his (unknowingly short lived) life. He’s gotta do something. And he’s got a few options. Go door to door where asking if someone needs help with anything for some pocket change, try and get a job that’ll take him, pickpocket. And he has tried. Door to door didn’t work well unless it was a widowed old lady, Joseph gave up trying to find a job real quick, but pick pocketing was a surprising success. As soon as Joseph turned 18, finding leverage and begging for forgiveness if he was caught wouldn't be so easy. Joseph would need to find out how to get off of the streets and into his own sheets. Without a way to get a job, at least a good paying one, he had to do something. It's possible he could've traded sexual favors for either some food in his mouth, a bed to sleep in for the rest of the night, and/or once again some quick cash. Anything he could do to get by, right? We don't know when he auditioned for the role of Sunny Day Jack, or how old he was when he was accepted. Let alone when the show was even created. So who knows how long he was passing his body for a couple dollars. I mean, depending on how long, he most likely desensitized to the idea of sex somewhat, mainly because he's the one initiating it for some cash once again. (That's not to say he's not desensitized to being the one asked about having sex. ) But it's still a sensible topic considering he only did it because he needed to get by, not because he wanted to have fun. In the interview, live on air! He's asked an array of questions depicting of his body, and why he chose to be a host of a kids show. He was generally asked question that were probably very uncomfortable because they not only dug through those sensible topics, but because he's supposed to be in character for a kids show! Kids all around the world tuning in to hear their favorite character. But we're getting off track here. The moral of the story is that Joseph was a "bad" person, who just wanted to change for the better. For his own sake. When it comes to the question, "How much of Joseph is in Jack?" I think that it's about 50/50. Or Joseph is still Jack. Jack is a character. He's this wholesome, perfect person in which everyone looks up too. He's the leader of the Sunny Time Crew. Never makes a mistake. He's a helper, he's just perfect in any way. In the game, you think that someone like Jack would think about murdering anyone in his way? Let alone murder? Have sex with you? Of course not! He works with kids for crying out loud! All this NSFW content is not even a thing in the Sunny Time Universe. Joseph is the man who plays the character. He's any normal person, he makes mistakes, he's not the person who you'd think that would never even make it through the door of the studio that produces this show. Joseph could kill if he wanted too, he has had sex, NSFW experiences were definitely a thing for him. The Jack we know is a basic fusion in a way. All the good traits of Jack, his wholesomeness, his ability to never make mistakes, to be perfect. That's all Jack. But the other side, the killing, the ability to hurt, to be physically passionate. That's all Joseph. The Jack we know wouldn't be the same without Joseph. That love we get from him wouldn't be the same. It would be empty in a way. Jack love everybody! But Joseph loves you. Joseph loves specifically you. He chose to give and fill you with all the love he ever could. Without Joseph “ in “ Jack personality wise, the Jack in the game we all love wouldn’t be the same. That love wouldn’t be as personalized.

In the end they’re the same person, but without the other, differences will be made.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

what if there was a vampire therapist carlisle made edward go to after his attempted suicide?

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Ahem, sorry, anon, it's just. Ah, that's so very beautiful for a few reasons.

Standard Disclaimer

Obviously, therapy is a wonderful thing as is taking care of your mental health. There's far too much stigma around mental health and therapy in popular culture and absolutely seek out a therapist when needed.

Now, with that, we can get into why I don't think this would be a miracle cure all for Edward.

Why is This a Bad Idea

The thing about therapy is that for it to truly be effective there are a few things required.

First, you have to be able to trust your therapist. You're potentially telling this person deep personal shit, often all the way back to your childhood, and uncovering things about yourself you may despise. It is a hard and grueling process to evaluate yourself and change for the better, and while by law a therapist cannot reveal your secrets you still want to be able to trust that person to truly help you and be sympathetic to you.

Second is that you have to recognize that there is a problem and you have to want to change and approach it even if it's not simply difficult but agonizing. People who are forced into going to therapy by well-meaning relatives/society are often very resistant to the entire concept and will make a point of not addressing what they need to. Sometimes, people are ready to acknowledge a problem, but they're not ready to do what they need to to face it or acknowledge what the problem is.

Which brings us to Edward Cullen.

First, who is he going to trust?

Edward can't talk to a human therapist as he'd have to talk in circles around the issues at hand. He wouldn't be able to discuss anything related to vampirism and while he might come up with decent metaphors he'd ultimately feel the human has no idea what they're talking about or truly understand why Edward was driven to suicide. Not to mention, of course, that Edward's quite contemptuous of us humans. He envies us from a distance but he tends to think of humans as slow, vapid, mayflies who simply do not match his intellectual prowess. He would instinctively feel better than whatever therapist they sat him in front of because, you see, Edward has five B.A.s which is more than the doctor's three degrees.

Then we get to vampires. First, even if there is a vampire psychologist, we're likely not looking at one who is up to date with modern research and therapy practices. Psychology, perhaps even more than medicine (and that's saying something), is a field that has undergone revolutionary changes within decades and has... some sketchy history. If we're looking at a psychologist who was turned around the time of Freud or even Jung and has been eating people and not paying attention to much research since... Not sure I'd recommend them as a therapist. Most importantly: Edward would know they're out of date and unable to get back up to date as most vampires can't integrate or even get close to human society as their control is that bad/they'd have no idea how to navigate a modern university library.

And worse than being out of date, they're not on the diet. If Edward's contemptuous of us humans he's extremely contemptuous of vampires not on the diet (to be fair, for a much more decent reason here). Even friends of the family, Edward sees a marked difference from those who embrace their vampirism and those who do not. Edward would be appalled at the very notion of being offered any kind of moral or advice period from a vampire who goes out and murders a human every two weeks.

That means that the therapist is either in the family (Rosalie with her twelve degrees) or is in the Denali. The family is obviously a terrible idea for so many reasons the least of which is your family member cannot be your therapist as they are too closely involved. (Adding to it that the qualified one, to a point, would probably be Rosalie and Edward's talking to the woman he thinks is a vapid, vain, shrew and telling her how awful she is to her face. It'd go well.)

The Denali, while a little better in that Edward trusts them and sees them as family, are still too close in that Edward would be horrified if their opinion of him lessened and if that news leaked to his family. He can't talk to them either.

So basically, Edward's out of therapists.

Even if he wasn't though, while Edward acknowledges consistently that he has issues in canon, he doesn't seem ready to address them and certainly not with other people. His self hatred is something he buries deep, only deeper is what he views as his vampiric self that lusts for human blood and calculated the cold blooded murder of Bella Swan.

Edward is terrified of himself and the last thing he wants to do is open that box up let alone with either a strange he doesn't respect or a beloved family member who can never ever know.

(Not to mention there wouldn't be any vampire psychologists/therapists as vampires are hedonistic individuals who don't even form a murder society who are either warring with each other, avoiding one another, or murdering their meals who look much like them every two weeks.

Look, they barely have a vampire doctor, and that's because Carlisle's fucking weird.)

Look, it's just never going to happen.

Slight Caveat/We Sort of See This

There is the fact that canonically Edward does ask his family the very awkward and terrible questions of how to make love to a breakable human woman to which they appear to give increasingly beautiful and bizarre answers but that's not the same thing as talking about Edward himself.

There's also Edward's many confrontations with Alice when, thanks to her visions, she has insight into what Edward may or may not do and historically doesn't judge him for it and even confronts him.

Edward also chose to have sex with Bella anyway even when it seems implied that Carlisle strongly suggested it was a very bad idea.

However, more often than not, he chooses not to listen to her as he respects her visions except when they tell him things he doesn't want to hear such as "you will either turn Bella or eat her". Then her visions don't count.

This is about as close as we ever get to Edward getting therapy.

But Alright, Carlisle Sends Edward to Uncle Eleazar

If we have to choose a candidate, then it's going to be one of the Denali. Trouble is, trouble's going down with the Denali post New Moon/During Eclipse in a very awkward way. See, Laurent was tragically murdered by shapeshifters, and when the Cullens pleaded for help in attacking the newborn army they refused as the Cullens wouldn't let them commit genocide. The Cullens then only survived likely because of the help of teenagers, because the Denali blew them off, and the Denali on their end didn't get to avenge Laurent.

So, there's really bad feeling on both sides. Obviously, this smooths over in time for the wedding but uh that felt very reconciliatory and awkward.

So, sending Edward up for therapy during all of this would be really weird if not spark a complete family feud that they never recover from.

Not only that, but Tanya infamously comes onto Edward every chance she gets (we even see this in Midnight Sun and it is hilarious), so... Tanya's right out. Irina is also in deep mourning over Laurent so she's out. Kate is likely still very upset about the not murdering the shapeshifters thing which means...

Eleazar's probably the likely choice.

Eleazar in canon is presented as kind of Bizarro Carlisle. He had a similar history of spending some time with the Volturi, he's an intellectual as well, and is also at least presented as an extreme pacifist. Edward directly compares him to Carlisle and has a lot of respect for him canonically and welcomes his input.

I have no canon to back me up, but if any of the Denali would present themselves as qualified to be a therapist, it'd be Eleazar. He'd also likely point to his time spent evaluating gifts as a kind of coaching people through.. things... (Is he qualified, probably not, but that's not important).

So, we have our therapist who is qualified(?), doesn't eat humans, whom Edward respects, and who isn't considered a 'direct' family member that Edward may feel he's able to open up to (especially as Eleazar was in the Volturi, had started off the diet, so can understand things like blood lust.)

However, even taking out @therealvinelle and my constant unfounded slandering of Eleazar, I doubt this would work out as neither would delve into what's really Edward's problem.

Edward would blame his suicidal tendencies on being a vampire: he is a demon ergo there is no purpose to his life and if Bella dies so does he. I just imagine Eleazar shrugging and acknowledging that yes, life is sad sometimes, and losing a mate is sad and hey did you hear about Marcus?

I just don't get them really digging into the why of why Edward wanted to kill himself so badly. It's not something either would want to confront and on the surface, it looks like they have their answer: Edward views vampirism as so loathsome that he can't turn Bella and he can't exist without her. Ergo. Death.

The only thing that changes is Edward spends a weekend in Denali at some point during Eclipse.

[leave-your-body]

okay the treatment with mutant mayhem's april is pissing me off, ESPECIALKY with the counterarguments ppl make that r meant to be.. good? but they just make it worse so lets clear up a few things here.

"april shouldn't be black"

a common rebuttal i see to this is "she was black in the original!" she wasn't, actually- at least i'm pretty sure she wasn't. im reading the mirage comics right now and though the inking style makes it kinda hard to see for sure, she's put next to baxter stockman a lot and its clear her skin is lighter than his. she also started with straight hair and only gets a perm later in the story. the thing i dont get is why that cant change. theyve changed the species of the turtles, splinter started off as a rat in the original but in many iterations he was human first, and in idw hes a rat but like, a reincarnation or whatever ?? LIKE i need u to realise that they've changed SO MANY things in the same vein with ALL of the characters and the only difference with april is that they made her skin darker. she still wears yellow and her hair still has a reddish undertone. the fact that yr getting so defensive over a character being black is indicative of a problem w YOU, not the character designers.

2. "april shouldn't be fat"

i see too many people say "shes not even that fat" and just leave it at that. think for two seconds and realise why thats not productive in the slightest. cuz its true, objectively, shes not that fat, but so what if she was? why is that a problem? she'd have the same personality and the same role in the story. u can see why not liking an ENTIRE CHARACTER solely bcuz shes fat is bad, right? u can see why that mentality affects people in the real world, right? i shouldnt have to tell u that people r PEOPLE regardless of their weight and should be treated as such, right????

3. "well shes just ugly" or "they ruined my childhood crush" or anything remotely close to that

first of all, shes not ugly (see points 1 and 2 again and reevaluate jic). +from an objective point of view she was the most visually appealing human- in fact, she was probably the most visually appealing CHARACTER in the whole movie. here they r side by side for yr viewing convinience

apart from that, theres no inherent NEED for her to be appealing to u. shes a teenager in a movie made for kids. its not her job to look good for u and meet your (biased!!) expectations of what a good-looking woman character should look like

[mintacle]

I’d also like to add, Jason being a survivor for survivors in general.

Obviously everything you and others have posted on this matter is valid but I wanted to add that you don’t have to have a history of abuse to feel worthy of living.

To me (someone who fortunately hasn’t struggled with abuse in my life) I find Jason inspirational because if we look at Jason and strip him of everything that makes him him. He will always fundamentally be a survivor. A survivor of yes abuse, but also a survivor of being a child born from low income background/ poverty. A survivor of familial issues. He is a survivor of everything that’s happened in his life and that’s what I think is so real.

I am in no way trying to invalidate those who have suffered from forms of abuse. I just wanted to add that whether you have survived a traumatic experience or simply difficult circumstances, you continue to survive and endure just like Jason has.

That to me is what makes Jason so special and relatable. Idk even without a traumatic childhood/history of abuse I still tend to feel lost in this world. I am a part of a low income family, and I have experienced trauma in my life, but I feel like it can’t compare to the hardships so many others face. I try to tell myself that despite everything I am a survivor. I don’t know of what specifically but I am surviving despite my mental health.

It’s just nice to know that this character exists and continues to exist despite his challenges. Just. Like. Me. And that other people who grew up feeling alone or thinking they were worthless (despite having a “normal” childhood) can also exist and survive like him.

I tell myself that Jason’s form of justice by eradicating the worst criminals and protecting the vulnerable is beautiful. That his revenge against the worst of Gothams criminals is empowering and right. But my circumstances are different. I’m angry and there’s no one to take my revenge on. So, I tell myself to survive because isn’t living just taking revenge on the possibility of death?

Anyway, I am a survivor like Jason and I’m proud to say it.

This is gonna be a loaded topic and I know some people feel strongly about it, and I'm not 100% sure on the tone of your message anon, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's in good faith. The first thing I have to say is that there are very few situations in which comparing misfortunes and difficulties is warranted. They do exist (such as abusers claiming their misfortune is more relevant than the pain they are inflicting onto others) but anon, when you say you feel proud for overcoming odds and for surviving and that you feel like identifying with Jason, there is absolutely no need to justify yourself. If you see yourself in a character, then that is yours to feel and identify with.

Jason Todd also came from poverty. His rejection by most vigilantes and alienation is easy to identify with for many different reasons, including living with mental health problems. Finally you mentioned that you have had hardships but don't feel you can compare it to other's hardships... and I don't know about you or your life, but either way, you don't have to compare it. For what? For who? Comparing and ranking severity of trauma serves no purpose but to silence people. Whatever it is you've experienced, you don't have to justify yourself in front of anyone to take it seriously.

On a personal note, I can, and I have, been stuck in denying my own pain because "other people have had it worse". My advice is, just don't go there with your thoughts. Even if you're just feeling sad cuz you dropped your fries and can't eat them anymore. If you're sad, you're sad. You're allowed to have your feelings.

I am honestly a bit confused about your repeated mentioning that you don't have it bad (because no one has claimed that Jason is only for those to enjoy who "qualify" with "severe enough" trauma, so the message reads kinda defensive to me?). I don't know you or your situation. And I'm really struggling to read the tone of the message O.O But uh, hm, Jason Todd is for everyone. I don't think anyone is gate-keeping him, but he is singular in how he attracts people who face discrimination or have experienced trauma.

[madbalalaika]

Get to know you - tag game

*GASP* I'm honoured, @an-excellent-choice, thank you for the tag :з

✨ Last song you listened to:

THE WHOLE ALBUM IS GOOD GO LISTEN TO IT

(i've been mentioning it every chance i get ever since i first listened to it like 7 years ago, it's just too good :"D)

Edit: fun fact, I kinda had a cool BG3 idea with this song that I'm not sure if I can pull off. I know I do, I think I do, I hope I do~~~

✨ Favourite colour: as an artist, because I stare at colours all the time, there's really too many that I absolutely adore. It's impossible to tell which ones I like best, though what I can say is what's my favourite combination: it's the one on the album cover of this song ⬆

Cold greyish brown or brownish dark grey/slighly dull light blue + very bright light blue/turquoise.

✨ Currently watching: One Piece. Last summer, I suggested my family and I watch it together, and we're still going. Currently on the post-Marineford arc!

✨ Favorite flavour:

Oof, the flavour that a cup of almond hot chocolate has. Also popcorn? I once had a period of only drinking lattes with Monin popcorn syrup, and let me tell you it was GODLY

✨ Current obsession: BG3, no doubt

✨ Last thing I googled:

Vegan nutella :"D I bought this gluten-free dairy-free nutella-ish paste that was... let's say... edible. Bland kinda, and just sweet. So I went out to search for some other brands, and found lots of cool recipes instead. This one, judging by the ingredients, by far seems the most delicious. Too bad I don't have a food processor :")

✨ Favourite season:

Spring/autumn. Gods, anything but hot summer, really, but those 2 are the most ideal.

✨ Skill I’d like to learn:

Some foreign languages that I've already learned some of before, and would just like to reach at least a passable level in: like Chinese, Japanese, Korean, German, and Welsh. I'm really out of practice with those.

Also some ADHD learning/working techniques that would actually work :"), as not being able to keep some sort of routine is the sole reason I've not yet gotten good at those languages and haven't started on different big projects I have only in mind for now.

Maybe I need to buy a clicky fidget toy or something. Oh well, at least I have a clicky keyboard, so that's nice :3

✨ Best Advice:

And I guess this is for the miserable-from-childhood folks like me. REST IS VERY GOOD, PEOPLE. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, not even yourself. The circuits of a computer that has been overworked and overheated because it's never been allowed to cool off will eventually burn out from all the heat damage they endured, and it will shut the whole machine down.

What rest means for you, you'll have find out for yourself.

I know, for some us (me included), it's nearly impossible not to feel guilty for enjoying the things in life that would otherwise bring us happiness, but if there's one thing I've learned from the past 8-9 years of constant unbearable stress from guilt and self-hatred (and many external factors, yes), as well as many medical diagnoses later, is that your physical body will not only not say thank you for that, but eventually it will actively start dying.

Same goes vice versa: untreated health issues will lead to many mental health problems (example: I've been gluten-intolerant for quite a while and didn't learn that until a year and a half ago, and this whole time, the inflammation in the body was giving my nervous system so much anxiety and depression that I couldn't cope with it anymore), so the moral is

Yes, take care of your body, or at least whenever you have the capacity to and allow yourself to rest when you feel like you're tired, but also enjoy the things that make you happy, be it a delicious dessert, or a good book, or a tv show, or spending time with friends if you have them, whatever. You have all the right to do so because you matter, okay? Your well-being and good health matters, your happiness matters, everything about you matters, and not a single shitbag can change that. If you feel like no one cares for you, know that at least I do!

Also tagging my mutuals, @arczism, @noblestalk, @okthisway, @wrathe, @teilzeiteinhorn ❤

[fuck-your-proana-blog]

Hello, same anon here as the previous anon, god, thank you so much, I am so screenshotting your reply. I already try my best not to end up on ana tags, it's a last resort, but every other day my mental health gets so bad I just need something, anything to distract myself and I don't have close friends I could vent to, and that's the only other thing I can think of. Plus at least sweetspos are nice and understanding, and I don't usually,,,get that from anyone, so yeah. I am already supposed to get some sort of social anxiety treatment, but they're extremely inefficient and slow with it. And they just shrugged when I told them I wanna kms. I thought I'll just throw whatever destructive coping mechanism at that, and when I no longer wanna die, I'll fix them, but now my hair is starting to fall out (I think. Unsure though.) and I am not better at all. And two people I used to be close friends with had restrictive EDs, and I guess this is my way of feeling close to them. And I'm turning 18 later this year, and that feels scary as fuck, and I thought if I lose stupid amounts of weight I can at least look childish. Okay, sorry, at this point I am just rambling, but I've been keeping this to myself for what feels like ages. Anyways. Thank you again for your reply so sosososo so much. It helped a lot.

I'm glad my response helped and I'm proud of you for working towards health. I distracted myself from my abusive childhood experiences (C-PTSD stuff) with weight loss too, and it quickly spiraled into anorexia- and it did the absolute opposite of making me not want to die, so don't convince yourself and ED will improve your life, it never will. I felt like I "deserved" to suffer, that somehow if I suffered enough it would make right what was broken in me. If I could just be "thin enough" it would fix all my problems, so I used behaviors and buried myself in my ED to avoid dealing with the real problems in my life. From what you've said it seems like you're doing the same, so please get help. I don't have any friends either so I come onto Tumblr to vent and find support as well. I know weaning yourself off of harmful tags is difficult, that it feels like a proper distraction from your other suffering, but it will not help. Please believe me, I've been battling these demons for almost 14 years- almost as long as you've been alive- and all it did was waste my life and make me mentally disabled and even more withdrawn from the world- as well as give me countless health problems I will never recover from. I may be in recovery, but my body will never fully recover from the hell anorexia put it through. I lost hair, have multiple damaged organs that require meds and outpatient care frequently, severe GI issues, I almost lost my teeth, needed multiple surgeries, developed osteopenia and had to do PT over and over as I continuously damaged my body with over exercising and starvation. It may feel like a "good" distraction now, but it's not. It will ruin your life more than it already has if you don't get help. I know growing up is hard, but it will only be harder with an ED. Sweeatspos are NOT "nice and understanding," they are another trap for you to fall into created by disgusting pro ana blogs to convince you your life will somehow get better if you get sicker. It won't. Anorexia ruined my life, my body, everything I had. I am just starting to get my life back in my late 30s. You're young; your mind and body can still fully recover if you make the necessary changes now- don't end up like me. Please, get help. I know what it's like to feel like no one cares, especially when you're suicidal, because I've been there. I just got out of the hospital after an attempt in November actually, and as soon as I attempted I got help and went to the hospital because I realized I didn't want to die- I just wanted the pain to stop, and I get the feeling that you're in the same boat. So really harp on your healthcare team about medication, therapy, anything you need to get better. If you feel you'd be safer in a hospital, GO. I've been hospitalized over and over throughout my life when I was most in danger from myself and even if it doesn't "fix" you it will get you more urgent physical and psychiatric attention by a medical team that will take you seriously and keep you safe. Don't wait until you can't fully recover like I did. Get help now, let them all know you're in real danger- it can bring discomfort to truly let people know how badly you're suffering, but you won't regret it. After all my time suffering I finally "came out" about my ED when I was hospitalized the last time to my close family and have only received support and love from doing so. I don't know if that will be your experience as I don't know any about your family, but I know having people irl who know my story has helped me cope, and if you can share your story with those who love you they could help you and support you in regaining your mental and physical health as well.

Your future doesn't have to be full of starving and pain- but you do have to choose, every day, to get better so it won't be!

[weirdspaceowl]

Why I think Eddie will be back in season 5 - part 1: Master of puppets

Hi! So I spent the last 24 hours actively gaslighting myself into thinking that Eddie is going to come back in S5 because of two Metallica songs. So I thought, why must I suffer alone? Let me involve others into this madness. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

(Disclaimer: I have seen some of these thoughts expressed in other posts/videos, but never in one cohesive thing and I want to add my own chaotic thoughts to it.)

Okay. So. We all know that Master of Puppets is supposed to be about Vecna. BUT I think it’s about Vecna planning to take Eddie all along. Hear me out.

Before we get to the lyrics I need to rant about some things.

Vecna prays on trauma, fear and guilt. He’s the voice in your head that criticizes you, he is all your depressed thoughts, he is your anxiety. Like he literally symbolises that. His victims all have these problems in common. It’s how he picks them. But the people that he chooses have something else that’s just as important. They need to already have the idea in their heads that maybe giving in to Vecna is the best option they have.

Take Max. We found out in episode 9 that the truly heart-breaking reason she feels so guilty about Billy’s death is because a part of her had hoped that he would die. After he actually dies she feels so guilty about it that it starts to destroy her. In the end she’s hoping that something bad will happen to her. That last part is key I think in Vecna’s victims. That willingness to give in/ give up is exactly what he needs to take that final step and claim his victim. Another example would be Vecna telling Chrissy that her suffering will end. That´s all she wanted. An escape. And he´s offering it to her.

Okay, so now let’s look at Eddie. Why wasn’t Eddie Vecna’d? He is clearly traumatised by having to watch Chrissy die. Check. He feels enormous guilt for leaving her after she died. Check. He has a really messed up image of himself: He thinks he’s a coward for leaving Chrissy even though he tried everything to save her and he knows he couldn’t have done anything. He always dismisses his self-worth and talks down to himself. From what we hear in episode 8 he probably had a really messed up childhood and an abusive dad. CHECK. He seems like the perfect victim for Vecna. EXCEPT: Eddie seems to know a thing or two about mental problems. Like, he has had a very difficult childhood. From an abusive father and an (for whatever reason) absent mother, from being othered and villainized his entire life, from probably being bullied. Despite all of this Eddie became, well- Eddie. He turned his trauma into something positive. He became the safe space for every kid who was different or didn’t have anybody else. He knows these kids when he sees them and immediately swoops in to take them in. Eddie overcame and let his experiences make him stronger, better. He’s strong against Vecna because he understands Vecna. He’s been through it all before.

In episode 9 Eddie plays Master of Puppets to distract the demobats. This song happens to describe Vecna and how he works in detail. This to me symbolises how Eddie understands how Vecna works in a way that nobody else does. Through his knowledge of D&D and his life experience, he knows Vecna, and this knowledge gives him strength. Vecna is playing the long game however and has been slowly chipping away at Eddies greatest weakness: His lack of care for himself.

Finally we have come to the lyrics and how it ties into Vecna’s plan to claim Eddie too.

End of passion play, crumbling away I'm your source of self-destruction

After Eddie’s passion play (him giving his all playing the song) his strength will crumble away. Self-destruction is also a key word in this. Vecna needs his victims to destroy themselves first.

Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear Leading on your death’s construction

Vecna has been constructing Eddies death form the start and done so by making him feel like a coward, thus exposing Eddies weakness: his self image. This will lead to him feeling like he needs to die to proof something to himself.

Taste me you will see More is all you need Dedicated to How I'm killing you

Again, Eddie on some level needs to want to die. He needs to get addicted to/obsessed with the idea.

Come crawling faster Obey your master Your life burns faster Obey your master, master

Vecna is calling Eddie to him. Eddies life is basically destroyed already. At this moment there doesn’t seem to be a happy ending in sight for him anyway. What with the entire population of Hawkins being after him.

Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams Blinded by me, you can't see a thing Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream Master, master Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream Master, master

I’ll hear you scream. Foreshadowing to the demobats eating him alive? Possibly. Also call my name: Master. He wants Eddie to become his soldier. Also: twisting your mind and smashing your dreams. Eddies mind has definitely been twisted into thinking he’s worth very little and his dreams have been smashed as there doesn’t seem to be a place for him back home. Normally so perceptive, Vecna has blinded him and he can now only see how he’s doomed.

Where's the dreams that I've been after? (Master, master) You promised only lies (Laughter, laughter) All I hear or see is laughter (Laughter, laughter) Laughing at my cries

The disillusion in this. The loss of all hope. Also the laughing at my cries is so sad, because I see it as the people of Hawkins probably being delighted if they heard that Eddie died in indescribable pain. That’s all Eddie can see now, how people hate him.

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat Just a rhyme without a reason Never-ending maze, drift on numbered days Now your life is out of season

His suffering will never end. His life is meaningless and basically over anyway. He himself is basically useless (just a rhyme without a reason). Might as wel…

I will occupy I will help you die I will run through you Now I rule you too

And there it is. It took some time, but Vecna finally got what he wanted. He got Eddie there. As Eddie sacrifices himself to the demobats he’s basically being Vecna’d. He’s willingly allowing himself to die and he believes that it’s right.

In short: Eddie has been sentenced to death from the moment he witnessed Chrissy die. Now I’m depressed. But there is hope, because the next song is how I gaslighted myself into thinking that Vecna might have made a huge mistake in taking Eddie.

So the other song is For Whom The Bell Tolls. But this post is so long that I’ll do that in another post. Stay tuned, cuz my fingers hurt from typing this much.

[twyz]

Some angsty headcanons cuz I don't feel too well in my lil membrane 🤭

Warnings: mentions of implied childhood behavior, skin picking, people pleasing (?), Stress cleaning, perfectionist esq habits, etc. Please lemme know if I missed anything!!!

Chucky

Chucky is.. Chucky has a lot of problems

He's got horrible anger issues on top of bottling up emotions he perceives as "weak"

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't think it's weak when his family or others cry or whatever

But if he does, he feels disgusting

He also doesn't emote very well so that helps him conceal certain things

Other things, like when he secretly bawls his eyes out, he can't hide for very long

He gets angry after he cries but he doesn't want anyone to think he's mad at them, so he just.. doesn't speak.

He's also been told he looks like/acts like his father a l o t

It just paralyzes him, and he can't say anything back

It scares him that he bears any resemblance to his father

He doesn't want to become the thing he swore to never become.

Tiffany

Tiffany, much like Chucky, has a lot of problems with her childhood, specifically her mother

Her mother was very prim and proper and she really made sure to get that into Tiff's head

That being said Tiffany has a huge problem with herself

While she does think she's gorgeous, she will absolutely lose it if something gets in the way of that thought process

Her face can be her worst enemy

She doesn't look at it when she looks at herself in the mirror, she doesn't bother

As long as her eyebrows are on fleek (tm) and her eyeshadow/eyeliner isn't smudged, she doesn't care

Tiffany also has really bad stress cleaning habits

It can get really extreme, but she knows her limits

Sometimes it'll take Chucky commenting about a bleach smell for her to get the point though

Tiffany also shares a lot of the same habits as her mother + sister and she just,,

She hates it

She hates her mother and her sister like you wouldn't believe, but the fact that she shares habits with them?

Nah, no thank you

Glen

I'm gonna be real, this kid doesn't know how to open up anymore

Glen just bottles everything up until they get overwhelmed

Or exhausted

They have a very very hard time trusting anyone but Glenda with feelings and stuff

And it hurts them to think that

They love their parents to no end!! Don't get me wrong, but Glen.. Glen is too soft

They're afraid that they're both going to judge them when hey!! They're wrecks themselves!!

They also have bad skin picking issues

It's a habit really,,

They just pick at their cuticles until someone's like "yo you good?"

Not too angsty but it can be essentially

Glenda

There's a tiny bit of projecting here but whatever that's not important!!!

Glenda is very.. attention seeking

Not in the bad way where they'd like weep and moan for attention, I mean they literally copy the acts of others to get attention and essentially approval of others

As stated before, Chucky doesn't emote much

And Glenda takes this as a sign that he doesn't care

So they go out of their way to do things their dad would approve of

Of course he does cuz that's his kid! He's gonna support them no matter what

He'll never know why Glenda does the things they do though

Glenda is also very very insecure

Not on a physical stand point, I mean mental stand point

Glenda will absolutely tell someone to go fuck themselves if need be but there's only so much they can take

They can be torn down by a simple look and they will scramble mentally to figure out what's wrong

Of course they'll put up a front and look all intimidating but internally?

Freaking out

A lot

They won't tell anyone what they're feeling though

They see that as weak

And that's yet another thing they picked up from their dad sadly

--------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my lord this was,, this was sad 😭😭😭 um,, to make up for it here's Gregory!!

[runawaymun]

I’m going to make a tumblr post just to get this out of my system because I’m going fucking feral over One. Someday I’ll write a fic but hopefully this staves off the energy I’m currently vibrating with. This is going to be extremely unhinged & disorganized. 

MAJOR Stranger Things 4 spoilers on this post for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet. 

LOOK. I loved S4 part1. Loved it. Adored every second. The themes. The vibes. Joyce + Hopp. Hnggg.

I’m so mad at how they handled the One = Vecna = Creel situation. It’s just....it’s bad. It’s bad for so many reasons. Narratively it’s bad. Narratively it’s lazy. I really expected more out of the Duffer Brothers. Holy shit. It’s bad.

Chief problems: 

The timeline is too wonky. I checked the wiki and supposedly the dates the Duffer Brothers gave add up, but if you take the show at face value without looking up the actual dates, then One is way too young for his supervillain backstory to have happened when he was a child post WW2. He’s like...max 30 years old. 

Holy god the ableism. HOLY GOD THE ABLEISM. I really trusted the Duffer Brothers, of all people, to deal with mental health appropriately. They have such a good track record. But no, creepy bad kid is bad for no reason. Likes spiders. Turns into a psychotic killer and murders his family in horrific ways and tortures animals for fun. For why? They kind of maybe tried to set it up as a combo of trauma and connecting with the Upside Down, but they didn’t spend any time on it and so it just ends up looking like ‘wow creepy kid is bad for no reason. look he’s still bad and creepy’.

I’m just very disappointed in “creepy child bad”. It’s a lazy, tired trope. They aluded to his parents being horrible people but didn’t show us any of that trauma and made it seem more like One was on a moral high ground vengeance arc, but also batshit insane...at twelve years old? Kids don’t do that. That’s trauma. 

He needed a therapist. Not an exorcism. 

So...if Papa just kind of, what, cloned One to make all the others (or whatever crazy experiment he did?)...how did One get his powers? And what were all the other experiments with giving pregnant women drugs for? I know we’re not through with the season, but this feels a little worldbreaking. It feels like they’re trying to connect too many things and be clever without really thinking their plots and characters through. 

Look there’s more here that I’m too incoherent to type out.

Again. Creepy child bad. For why.  

What I wanted out of One’s character: 

I love One as an antagonist. I adore him. Jaime Campbell Bower’s performance? Holy fucking shit it was chilling. The whole way through I kept going ‘god I want to like you but I can’t trust you. Why don’t I trust you?’ 

I wanted One to be the first experiment baby. I wanted him to be the first experiment baby. I wanted One = Vecna, but NOT One = Creel = Vecna. Why? Because it makes his later decisions make sense. 

If One is the first experiment baby, then imagine the attachment issues! The isolation! The abuse! The horror this child grew up in, being raised in a lab with no other “siblings” the way El had. He’s considerably older than all of the others. Old enough that his only human contact would have been the doctors and orderlies and Papa. True, actual, literal fucking hell. 

Then One becomes uncontrollable. He “breaks” from the trauma and the isolation and the experimentation. The utter dehumanization. He becomes dangerous because that’s what happens when you fuck up people’s attachments and empathy in early childhood. Papa doesn’t want to kill him because he almost works. So he wants him as a failsafe or a template, idk. So he puts the chip in to try and stabilize him. It works. Kind of. He needed therapy and love, but what he got was a microchip.

And then he’s trapped there. He can’t. Fucking. Leave.

And he watches Papa do it again, and again, and again. 

Watches Papa abuse kids he sees as his siblings. As tortured prisoners just like him.

And he can’t get away from it.

So then it makes sense. 

He finds a way to get the chip out of his body, and all he sees is a broken system. He doesn’t know anything about the outside world. He thinks this is all there is. Just this fucked up little biome with fucked up people. He’s too fucked up to survive it. These other kids are too fucked up too. So he puts them out of their misery one by one. It’s a mercy killing. It’s a fucked up way of killing kids but that’s all he has: his psionic powers. But death is death and at this point death is a mercy compared to this awful white-walled purgatory with Papa.

So he kills them. And kills all the orderlies and doctors and patients. Brings down the whole goddamned system. 

And then I don’t know how exactly to get from point A to point B here, but I don’t mind El yeeting him into the upside down. Sure have a disagreement or something. Let the boy go full ham crazy. Let him become that antagonist.

And then YEET him into the upside down and let the Mind Flayer absorb him, creating Vecna.

So Vecna is kind of One but not really. One is a tragedy. A product of trauma. He didn’t get saved the way El did. So the upside down absorbed him and used him to create gates.

It’s poetic, see.

He went from one prison to the next.

And then just throw out the whole Creel = One. One is a product of Creel. Have Creel be a semi psionic-sensitive kid that had contact with the Upside Down and then got possessed by the Mind Flayer, went nuts, and murdered his family. Papa finds him and then runs experiments on Creel to create the rest. So Creel isn’t actually One, just sort of...idk he’s the catalyst. He was a little bit sensitive and a little bit touched, and then Papa’s wack-ass experiments amplified it by 10000000x when he distilled it into One. 

It’s just...narratively so much better. We’ve spent this whole season dealing with PTSD and using Monsters as metaphors for PTSD and trauma. It makes no fucking sense for the monster supervillain to just be a Creepy Kid(tm) (read: ableist trope).

GOD. okay.

[happyfanofeverything]

I’ve been peeking at your liveblogging but I’m a little confused as to what you mean by the post about describing power and abuse as filth and whatnot :0c

okay this ended up quite long but i wanted to try my best to explain what i mean here:

tl;dr framing abuse of power as “filth”/“disgusting”/“dirty” etc is inaccurate and supports abusive power structures. umineko does this, at least in the question arcs, which i’m hoping is buildup to correcting it.

i always take care to describe abuse of power in the most accurate ways i can, like, “child abuse”, “misogyny”, “ableism”, “sexual predation”, “capitalism”, whatever it may be, because at their core, they are the subjugation/control/killing of people who have been forced into marginalized/oppressed positions on a large structural scale.

the siblings fighting over kinzo’s inheritance isn’t “filthy”, it’s family members using abusive power structures established in their family and in their broader capitalist society to fight for vast amounts of money kinzo gained from imperialist-fascist mass murder and capitalist exploitation. eg eva using patriarchy/misogyny as a weapon against natsuhi, the older siblings using the childhood trauma they inflicted on their younger siblings as weapons, etc. nearly every tool they use to fight is a tool of abuse and their prize is resources made from abuse to continue abusing people to sustain themselves.

^ that’s why i hate how the ushiromiya siblings fight for the inheritance. not because it’s “disgusting” or “dirty” or anything inaccurate like that.

associating “bad”ness with dirtiness or grossness etc is playing into ableism and classism and racism and colorism and more - this sort of framework materially harms people on huge scales. people with dark skin, houseless people, disabled and disfigured people with conditions like eczema or facial paralysis or burn injuries or much more, chronically ill people who can’t clean ourselves much, i could go on a lot here. tl;dr it’s abusive language and it’s not accurate.

(sidenote, i also take care to not frame abuse of power as violence, because that’s not accurate - violence can be revolutionary, fighting against abusive power structures. i also take care to not frame abuse of power as originating from an abuser’s character or mental state, because the fundamental problem is the material power structure enabling them to harm people. and more. i can talk a lot about this)

(higurashi chapter 6 spoilers:)

many people (like Rena!) use frameworks like metaphorical-“filthiness” to understand their experiences. it’s ultimately inaccurate, and inaccurate frameworks generally benefit abusive structures and harm the people marginalized/abused. eg i ease myself out of delusional spirals about my own “disgustingness” by reminding myself that that is ableist, which helps me understand what triggered me in a way more beneficial to myself (especially because the trigger is usually an external entity harming me with ableism). ryukishi shows rena experiencing something like this, the way she survives via categorizing her experiences with mental illness as “ickiness” and trying to fully cast them aside, and how this hurts her, and how friendship that truly accepts her for all of her experiences is what she needs.

umm Yea i think that’s all the thoughts i can get down rn. thank you and please feel free to send me more asks, i probably won’t write this many words every time svxbsbcbnsbcnd though my rambley incoherently-structured writing style will probably stay

[matt-the-radar-techncian]

You can’t get mad at kids for asking for things, or for not knowing better. I saw a post about how you have to be firm about not just letting your kids spend all their time on an iPad just because “all their friends are doing it” and thought of this

Of course kids aren’t gonna understand how the overuse of a something like that is gonna damage their motor skills and their attention span. All they know is that they want to play games in their free time and mom isn’t letting them!! Even if you explained it to them they either wouldn’t believe it or just would fail to understand how it’s a problem

You have to set boundaries for your kids, but don’t get mad at them for asking to do things. Getting to play whatever game they wanted to on your phone or getting to stay up an extra half hour is literally all that brings them happiness. “ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS VIDEO GAMES!!!!” Of course your son does, not are they literally the coolest thing he’s has ever seen, but he also doesn’t have any higher goals or ambitions in life. You’re 40 years old and your son is 9

If you get mad ad children for asking to do things they find fun, not only are you telling them you hate the very idea of them being happy, but you’re also teaching them not to ask for things that they actually need or would benefit from

It might shut your kids up in the short term, but in the long term, “I shouldn’t ask for a new toy/game because mom will yell at me, then she’ll be mad for the rest of the day and look for more reasons to yell at me. That’s worse than just not asking” becomes “I shouldn’t ask to spend time with this person, they’ll just say no (and that’s worse than just not asking);” “I shouldn’t ask for help with this problem that I’m facing, no one will be able to help me (and that’s worse than just not asking);” “I shouldn’t apply for this job, I won’t get it (and that’s worse than not just trying);” “I shouldn’t try out this new hobby, I won’t be good at it (and that’s worse than just not trying)”

You see so many people say that they have trouble starting things because they’re afraid of failing, or that they can’t bring themselves to do important tasks because “it won’t be good enough,” I even struggle with this myself. I’ve seen a bunch of people say this is because of mental illness, but I wonder how much of it is actually caused, or exacerbated, by shitty parenting. “Always just ask, the worst thing they can do is say no” is genuinely good advice, but it’s hard to internalize when your formative years are full of examples to the contrary, where “the worst thing they can do” actually is far worse

Don’t take this as me saying that you should just give your child everything they want. The whole reason I thought of this was because I recognize how too much screen time can be damaging for a young kid, and how you can’t let them stare at the iPad forever just because they asked for it and “all their friends do it.” You can be calm and polite with your refusal, and children will eventually learn what they can and can’t get by asking, and you’re teaching them that it’s ok and good to ask for things that they actually need. Say “no” to your kids without also including “and you’re a bad person for asking and I hate you,” because that’s what kids will think you meant, whether you actually meant it or not

How do I know all this? I don’t, I’m just saying what I think makes sense based on my childhood and what I’ve seen other people say

[quixotic-gray]

Self love clutter

This is 2023- this is the year I stop forcing my mental illnesses to make me easier for other people to be around. I'm done trying to be fun or make jokes or laugh at shit when I'm heavily dissociating, if I need to try to sleep bc it helps with positive symptoms then I will regardless of how sudden or inconvenient it may be for others, and if I can't take a nap I'm not going to put too much effort into making myself easier to be around while I'm up. Biggest habit that's been driving me nuts over the years is pretending I can react to things naturally when I can't. I'm not going to try forcing reactions and tone during times when I'm dealing with flat affect just bc it can upset others when they don't get a reaction they were looking for.

If you want a neurotypical go find one, if you have a problem with my atypicalty just walk away. don't worry that I'll feel bad for you or that I'll be hurt- you do what's best for you, I do what's best for me. We shouldn't have to put other people's needs above our own- I get it. People like me aren't always easy to be around but just because you also have problems doesn't mean we have to force ourselves to be less of a burden for you.

Masking is draining and it's only been making things worse. It's something we learn to do to make it thru childhood- when we're adults dealing with the aftermath of trauma and whatever mental illnesses decided to present themselves over the years, there isn't a need for it anymore except the needs we make up. Who gives a fuck how "weird" you look. I'm not hurting anybody. My brain is weird. That's not changing and it's time for me to accept that and stop trying to find brain tumors, stop hoping to get diagnosed with something I know can go away, and stop pretending that something that's been going on and getting worse (largely due to repressing it) for the past 8 and a half years is "transient." My weirdness doesn't have to be a life sentence, I shouldn't be wishing for some clearly pathological issue (even if that issue could kill me-- that's such a bad way to think! Being that desperate for it to be temporary has been doing me no favors.) just so I can be excused by myself and those around me for being weird-- it should be enough for it to just be part of how I function. Just because it's not something that will fit into any relationship or environment doesn't mean it's pathological and I need to accept that and forgive my brain. It didn't do anything wrong.

Basically the more I read and study and think, the more I'm digging up painful inconvenient truths about the way my mind functions. I feel like suffering is inevitable in life but just because we suffer doesn't mean we have to rub it in and make it worse. I think in some cases we stack more pain on our suffering by looking at it the wrong way and trying to do impossible things about it. We set ourselves up for failure and that doesn't feel too great.

I think at some point I picked up the belief that it's "bad"-- the differences between my brain and the brains of "normal" people. Which is why I have an issue with contemporary neuropsychology tacking "personality disorder" to the end of terms that could simply be used to describe differences in brain function. It becomes a disorder when the personality is seeking to do things that go against its purpose of maintaining the survival of itself and its species. My personality is not disordered. There is nothing inherently wrong with my personality. Our society likes to pin pathology or disorder on methods of brain function that don't fit smoothly into its design. The application of moral values to neuropsychological circumstances has to be absolutely destroyed. There are so many case histories I've read and studied in which the view held by those in power of the patients has worsened the patients' conditions exponentially, but these personalities, no matter how different or "difficult" they are, shine so beautifully when they're shown patience and care, when they can exist in environments that are comfortable for them. Many of these cases are of patients with circumstances that differentiate them from the rest of society so strongly they get put away and neglected because they're seen simply as a burden on everybody else.

Nobody has to be a burden.

Everybody deserves a place of comfort, love, dignity, and freedom of expression. This is why I'm done being a slave to my impulse to repress and self-deny, especially if the reasoning for it is that it's good, more convenient, more comfortable, for other people. It's absolutely not good or comfortable for me. Self love has to win, I don't care if anyone at work or the people I pass while grocery shopping or anyone else thinks I'm being an ass or that I'm weird. If I need to leave a full shopping cart for a while and come back I will. It doesn't matter. if somebody chooses to assume and believe I feel a certain way that I don't I'm not arguing with it anymore, I'm not defending myself against the image someone else has of me. This is going to be harder with friends because these are people I've learned not to be honest with about my mental stuff and they're used to seeing someone mostly functional.

There's this part in me that believes honesty is the surest path to being unlovable, but I have to ask then whether being loved under dishonesty is more fulfilling. It gets ingrained into many of us who were emotionally abused or neglected as kids that if we do honestly express ourselves, exist freely in ways that are natural to us, or speak truthfully about how we feel then we can't get the conditional love we're so desperate to get from our caretakers. But then we were kids, we had nobody else to get unconditional love and kindness from. We were supposed to get that from family but for a lot of us it was denied and we learned that love is not something you get for being yourself-- you have to work for it.

This is true in a lot of places now as adults, but we're capable now of providing our own unconditional love and care. We don't need to earn our own love for ourselves, that's just goofy but unfortunately a lot of people learned this and live under it as the truth because they haven't been taught otherwise, that they are lovable and special, or that they're allowed to love themselves no matter how much it turns other people against them. If you start listening to your mind and loving yourself and someone has a problem with you now, I'm sorry babe but that person just isn't it. Everybody has to grow, heal, and exist. Letting yourself do this is the healthiest decision you can make. Everyone deserves love 💚