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moonferry · 18 days

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fsioy chapter 16!! yipee!!

note to self: stop writing without checking the word count oh my lord. anyway this chapter is finally finished and i couldn't be happier!! ive been thinking about some ideas used in thsi for WEEKS. i love these silly guys so much

warnings: near car crashes, unrequited love, heavy rain/storms

word count: 8086

summary: kent and willy have another heart-to-heart on the drive towards zuzu city, then an unexpected rainstorm approaches and traps the two on the roadside. kent has an idea and eventually some tough decisions are made. kent finally makes it home and gets to see his loving wife once more.

other chapters: chapter master list

ao3 link: here

July 19XX, The Road To Zuzu City

Kent sat in the passenger's seat - quietly mulling over his thoughts. He didn't feel much like conversation and it seemed like Willy was just fine with that. In fact, the older man had begun - rather rancorously - singing along to whatever song was playing through the mounds of static on the radio. Kent thought it would be better to leave Willy to his own devices, so he glanced out the window and tried to discern how far they were from the city.

The lush greenery of the surrounding trees soon meshed into the same quaint town he'd notice before. Kent couldn't help but imagine a life there - with Jodi, maybe a child or two. It seemed peaceful and it would definitely be a nice break from everything he’d been through recently.

A small sigh slipped past his lips as he thought about the events once again. Kent was grateful to be going home - he didn't know if he could handle being alone right now- but something kept eating at the back of his mind; a question. Why had Willy helped him? Wouldn't Willy get in trouble for helping Kent escape? Kent’s expression dropped. He didn't want the man to get in trouble - especially because of him. Kent reached out and turned the nob on the dash - turning the radio volume down - before turning to look at Willy.

“Hey, Willy?” Kent asked, getting the man’s attention.

“Aye?” Willy responded, glancing up to look at Kent in the rear view mirror. Though, he made sure his eyes stayed on the road (or the dirt path that would pass as one) in front of him.

Kent pursed his lips together, debating. He looked at Willy and tried to coax the words out of his own mouth. It was just a simple question, why couldn't Kent bring himself to ask? Maybe he wasn't sure he'd like the answer. Kent didn't know. Eventually, however, he managed to speak once again, “Why.. why did you help me? Leave, I mean.”

Willy shrugged and replied with a simple, “I wanted to. Besides, I know ye could use a break.. These past few days.. ah.. Well, they haven't been too easy for ye, have they?”

“No, not really,” Kent replied. A small bout of worry creeped into his voice. He frowned slightly before looking down at his lap. He knew Willy wanted to help - for his father's sake - but Kent didn't like doing things that would get others in trouble. He spoke again, though he didn't look up at Willy - too ashamed, “Won't you get in trouble, though? For helping me.”

“Ah,” Willy started, his own sigh slipping past his lips. He glanced at Kent again and shook his head before adding, “Don't ya worry about me, lad. It takes a lot more than ‘punishment’ to get to Ol’ Willy.”

“Besides, what's the worst they can do to me?” Willy asked. He paused for a bit, thinking. Willy gave a slow, solemn nod before continuing, “This war has already taken everything that matters to me. Nothing they do to me will hurt me worse than what I've already been through.”

“Willy..” Kent started, his frown deepening. His brows furrowed together. Was Willy really willing to risk everything? Just to help him? Kent didn't like that thought. He doesn't know what went on in Willy’s life, but - judging by the man’s response - it must've been something terrible. Kent looked back at Willy, a wave of concern covering his face.

“You once told me you've never been married,” Kent spoke, hoping he didn't come off as rude. He added, curiously, “Why is that? I mean - you seem amazing. I just can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want to marry you..”

Willy went silent, a glum look crossing his face. He pursed his lips together. Kent felt the silence surround them - like a thick, uncomfortably warm blanket. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Sorry,” Kent apologized, once again looking away from the other man. “Just.. forget I asked, okay?”

“Listen, lad,” Willy started, a sigh slipping past his lips. He momentarily stopped the vehicle before turning to look at Kent. “I wanted to get married, I truly did, but.. things don't always work out the way you hope, ya know?”

“Y’see.. There was someone, once,” Willy explained, reaching out and resting his hand on Kent’s shoulder. “He was the greatest person I've ever known. Any sane person woulda fallen fer him.. He was a great friend to me for many years. Then, he moved away from our hometown and we lost touch.. I was a bit crushed, but I understood. He needed to move onto greater things, I guess..”

“So, to cope, I decided to join the military - well, more specifically the naval part, as I always loved water, even as a wee lad. I've been in this business roughly.. twenty-odd years now. But, back when I was just startin’, I bought a ship and docked it in the Zuzu City harbor. And, as I was roamin’ around - gettin’ used to being in a place that wasn't home - a familiar face walks up to me. Now, I hadn't seen him in a few years at this point and I was more than shocked that he remembered little ol’ me. He tells me how he met a pretty lass, fell in love and got married, and how he now had a baby on the way. I felt like my heart had been ripped from me chest - I mean, sure, I never had the courage to tell him how I felt so it wasn't like he knew how that would affect me, but it still hurt to hear..”

“I tried my best to be happy for him, even though it was killin’ me.. Eventually, we start chattin’ again and he becomes one of me best mates. The years pass by and - even though I'm still sulkin’ and mopin’ - I start to genuinely feel happy for him. Glad he found someone who makes him laugh, someone to look after him. Then, his kid is born, and he rushes to me all proud and tells me how excited he is to be a father. I’d never seen him so happy, Kent.”

“It made me realize that - even if I wanted it to - the two of us would've never worked out. He deserved someone like that lass. I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt, but I didn't want to let him go, either .So, when his boy was old enough, I offer to let them use my boat. Heh.. I remember the little tyke waddling around on the hull of the ship, excitedly babbling about how cool boats were. I almost thought of him as my own son. And then I remembered that he wasn't and that his Pappy wouldn't think of me the same.."

"Eventually, I threw myself deeper into my work. I couldn't bear to watch his happiness anymore. Then, the war started, and he.. being the brave fool he was, followed me into battle without a second thought - despite me beggin’ and pleadin’ for him not to. And.. then he died. I never told him how I felt.. I regret it every single day. I know it wouldn't have changed anythin’, but.. Ah.. never mind, I'm babblin’, aren't I?”

Willy turned away from Kent and rested his calloused hands against the steering wheel. He looked out at the horizon, his expression turning glum as he thought about the past.

“Who was he?” Kent asked curiously, tilting his head to look at Willy.

Willy let out a small, humorless chuckle. He turned back to Kent and his lips formed a thin line, though the corner of his mouth curved upwards slightly. He went silent, as if debating to reveal the name. Eventually, Willy sighed to himself, nodding, before saying, “He was your father.”

Kent’s eyes widened in surprise. His father? That was certainly not the response he expected. It also made him quite curious. Kent thought back to Willy’s earlier statements - about how Willy cared “so much” for his father. Had this been what he meant the entire time?

“You..? My father..?” He asked, the disbelief evident in his voice. His mouth was wide open, his jaw basically glued to the floor at that point.

“Ah, it didn't amount to nothin’..” Willy replied, waving his hand to dismiss Kent’s question. He shook his head before adding, “Besides, Misty is a good lass. I’d never do anything to come between her and Chris. No, I'm grateful your dad found her, I am. If he hadn't, I wouldn't be talkin’ to you now, would I?”

“I guess not,” Kent admitted, tilting his head to the side as he pondered Willy’s words. He still couldn't believe just how close this man was to his father. It seemed surreal that, after all this time, Willy cared enough about Kent's father to continue looking after Kent for him.

“Enough about me an’ my love life,” he spoke, shaking his head. Willy smiled at Kent before giving him a gentle pat on his shoulder. He turned forward and placed his hands on the wheel once more. He called over his shoulder, “Let’s get you home.”

With that, Willy started the vehicle once again and continued the drive into the city. Kent leaned against the window and watched dark clouds roll in from the horizon. It looked like a storm was approaching. It worried Kent slightly. His worry seemed to grow as the faint pitter-patter of raindrops began pelting the roof of the vehicle. Kent watched as a lone raindrop traveled down his window and silently hoped it would ease up before they entered the city.

He couldn't be so lucky. The rain seemed to increase, making it hard for Willy to see the road ahead of them and making it harder for the vehicle to travel on the rough dirt beneath. It slowly turned into sludge and seemed to gunk up the wheels - sending them sliding back and forth. Kent’s eyes widened as the vehicle lurched to one side and seemed to aim directly for a tree.

Luckily, Willy managed to jerk the wheel in the opposite direction - causing the vehicle to swerve out of the way before skidding to a stop completely. Unluckily, the vehicle spun around and landed itself in the center of a large circle of mud.

“Are ye alright, lad?” Willy asked, his eyes wide. His first response was to check on Kent, who seemed completely uninjured - though he was slightly jostled. Kent gave a shaky nod in response. He glanced at Willy, who appeared just as shaken as he was. However, amidst the chaos and Willy’s attempts to steer Kent to safety, the man had slammed his own head against the steering wheel - a faint trickle of blood oozing out of his nose and matting in the hair of his mustache.

“Willy, you're bleeding!” Kent exclaimed, a look of concern washing over his features. He frantically looked around and tried to find some sort of cotton or fabric to wipe away Willy's blood.

“Ah, this ol’ thing?” Willy asked, reaching up and wiping away the substance with his thumb. He gave a slight chuckle before speaking once more, “That's nothin’. Me ol noggin has been through worse than a little nosebleed, Kenty boy.”

“Are you okay?” Kent asked, the concern still evident in his voice. He frowned at Willy’s dismissive nature. This seemed rather serious to him.

“I'm fine,” Willy spoke, reaching two fingers up to pinch the bridge of his nose and stop any further bleeding. He continued, “Sailor’s honor. However, we have.. bigger problems.” Willy motioned to the windshield and what little was visible through the massive downpour. It appeared that the vehicle was now stuck in a large, muddy hole. It didn't help that the rain continued to pelt down against the roof and create a loud, almost rhythmic noise.

“Oh Yoba,” Kent said as he glanced out at the scene before him. He turned back to Willy and asked, “How are we going to get out of this?”

“Hmm..” Willy started, his free hand resting against his chin in deep thought. He pursed his lips together before finally speaking, “We have two options; wait for someone to come find us - which could take hours - or try to push ‘er out of this hole ourselves.. Either way, I don't know if we’ll make it to the city before sunset..”

“What?” Kent asked. Horror flooded his face. He couldn't believe they had made it this far just to get stopped. He let out a groan of frustration, reaching a hand up to massage his forehead, “You've gotta be kidding me..”

“'Fraid not, lad,” Willy confirmed, a small sigh slipping from his lips. He knew how much this meant to Kent - how desperately Kent wanted to get home. He sucked in a breath through his teeth before reaching towards the door handle.

“C’mon. let's go push her,” Willy instructed, motioning for Kent to follow him before adding, “I doubt anyone would come here this late at night.”

Kent sighed, though he exited the vehicle and followed Willy. He cringed as the mud squelched beneath his feet, the grimy substance soaking into his pants legs.

The rain continued to pour down on them - making it quite hard to see what they were doing. They carefully approached the rear of the vehicle (trying their best not to go sliding or fall face first in the mud).

Kent rested his hand against the cool metal of the vehicle’s rear - which was now slick with rain. He waited for Willy’s signal before pushing with all his might. With the exertion he was giving, Kent’s boots began sinking deeper into the mud. Panic began bubbling beneath the surface as Kent struggled to lift his leg. It didn't help that the rain seemed to rise in volume, drowning on Kent’s pleas for help.

“Willy?” Kent called out. Though the rain muffled his voice.Willy couldn’t hear him - the man was also nowhere to be seen.

“Wil- Willy!” Kent tried again, looking around for the older man as he desperately clawed at the back of the vehicle – trying to hoist himself out of the deepening mud. It was now up to his ankles. The cool dampness of the mud soaked into his pants and chilled him. It was uncomfortable and clammy. It filled Kent’s mind with the feeling of Misha’s bloated corpse. He felt himself start to freeze as the images creeped out of the depths of his brain.

“Lad?” Willy asked, peering around the corner of the vehicle. He glanced at Kent and noticed how the boy seemed rigid, his expression wide with panic. “Lad? You alright?” Willy called out again. Kent seemed unresponsive and Willy’s own worry began to grow. He waded towards Kent, the mud sloshing and churning as he walked out towards the boy. Kent still didn't respond upon Willy’s approach - he didn't even seem to notice Willy coming nearer or the sloshing of the mud beneath the man’s feet.

“Kent?” Willy tried again as he approached the boy. He glanced down and noted Kent’s ankles were submerged in the grimy substance. He recoiled in surprise, though Willy sprang into action. He called out a warning as he got closer to Kent, “Hold on, lad. I’m comin’!”

When he finally made it to Kent, Willy didn’t think twice before attempting to free him from the deepening gunk. He wrapped his arm around Kent’s back before giving him a few firm tugs. It seemed that Kent was slowly being freed from the viscous substance. Willy exhaled a breath of exertion, sweat beading on the edge of his forehead. He gave Kent one final tug before the boy was finally free. However, the force sent both of them sprawling backwards. They landed in a nearby puddle with a loud sploosh and their uniforms were completely coated in the grime.

“Eugh,” Kent called out as the substance coated his arms. It seemed he finally shook out of his stupor, though it wouldn’t be much help, now would it? The two had already gotten drenched from the rain - the mud didn’t help. Neither did the fact that the rain had suddenly turned quite cold. In fact, Kent felt the rain seep through his uniform and chill him to the bone. He shivered.

“Ah.. So much for that idea, heh,” Willy said, shaking his head with a hearty chuckle. He pushed himself into a standing position before extending his arm outwards in Kent’s direction. Kent grabbed a hold of it and Willy hoisted him upwards. They two carefully walked away from the mud. When they made it back to the vehicle, Kent slumped against the cool metal and sighed. So much for going home, He thought to himself, a glum look crossing his features.

“Don’t look so sad, son,” Willy spoke before placing a gentle hand on Kent’s shoulder. He frowned at Kent’s expression and scrambled for something that might cheer Kent up. A small sigh slipped past Willy’s lips, though he spoke once more, “Look, Kent, I know it seems.. Well.. bad, and yer now soaked an’ covered in mud.. But, I’m goin’ to get you home - I promise. Even if I have to march myself into the city and find a car. I mean, there has to be someone willin’ to help, right? We just need a way to contact them..”

“Wait a minute,” Kent spoke, cutting off Willy’s train of thought. An idea popped into Kent’s head: his mother was always willing to help, and he knew her number by heart, they just needed a way to contact her. He pushed himself off of the vehicle and began pacing around in a small circle. What could they use to contact his mother? Kent’s lips form a thin line and his brow furrowed in concentration. He glanced around the nearby area, squinting at a distant box near a dim light post. Bingo. A payphone. Kent patted his pants, turning his pockets inside out to check for some sort of currency. Nothing. He turned to Willy and asked, “Hey, Willy, do you have like.. 25g on you?”

Willy raised an eyebrow, though he patted his own pockets. He pulled out a small, slightly tarnished 25g coin. He placed it in Kent’s palm, though he looked at him skeptically and added, “Kent, I don’t know how 25g is goin’ to help us in this scenario, son.. Can’t exactly go make a wish in a wishin’ well, can ye?”

“Just trust me,” Kent started. He took the coin and placed it into his pocket. He turned to Willy and spoke once more, “I’ll be back.” With that, he turned and began walking away from the vehicle. However, he was soon stopped.

“Hold on a second,” Willy protested, his face contorting in worry, “Where are ya going, lad? And what, exactly, do you plan to do with me coin? That’s my lucky 25g, I’ll have you know!”

Kent sighed, though he stopped in his tracks and faced Willy once more. He motioned over his shoulder, pointing at the payphone, before explaining, “I’m going to call my mom. Maybe she can help us!”

“Kent, those payphones haven’t worked in years,” Willy explained, his voice slightly dismissive. A frown creeped onto the older man’s lips and he added, “Yer waistin’ your time.”

“It’s worth a shot, right?” Kent asked, a hopeful expression crossed his features.

Willy shook his head, though gave no verbal protest. Instead, he motioned towards the payphone and gave a small, reluctant sigh before speaking, “Fine. Just don’t go gettin’ yerself hurt.” Kent smiled at him and turned around once more - though he swore he heard Willy grumbling to himself. Something like “Well, there goes me lucky coin.. You better answer, Misty.”

Kent ignored Willy’s grumbling and began his trek towards the light post. He glanced around at his surroundings - making sure it was safe - and walked up to the phone. Kent closed his eyes and held the small coin in between his thumb and pointer finger. He mumbled a silent prayer to Yoba - hoping that his mother (or even Ruby) answered the phone. He knew the storms always made the telephone connection dodgy. Kent also knew that their small apartment didn’t have the best reception or radio signal on a clear day. Please, Yoba, He spoke in his mind, If you’re real, let my mother answer the phone.

Kent opened his eyes and slowly crept the coin towards the slot. He carefully inserted it and heard it fall into… wherever it is they go with a soft clink. Kent gulped before reaching a shaking finger upwards. The number easily came to mind and he put it in without a second thought. Kent grabbed the now ringing receiver and held it up to his ear.

For a while, all Kent was met with was the faint brrring of the dial tone. His hope began to slowly diminish, though just as he was about to hang up, someone picked up on the other end.

“Neilson residence. Misty speaking,” A voice responded professionally.

Kent couldn’t believe it. He looked towards the sky and mouthed a small “thank you”.

“Mom?” Kent asked. A faint tear formed in the corner of his eye. It had been months since he heard his mother’s voice. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed it.

“Kent?” Misty asked, letting out a gasp on the other end, “Is that you, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” He replied with a small sniffle, “Yeah, Mom. It’s me.”

“Oh, sweetheart! I’m so glad to hear from you,” His mother replied, her own sniffle echoing through the speaker box. Then, as if the situation dawned on her, Misty spoke again - confusion in her voice -, “How are you calling me, honey?”

“I.. uh, well, I found a payphone,” Kent explained. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“How on Earth did you manage that?” Misty asked, dumbfounded. As far as she knew, Kent was still on the secondary base (and as far away from civilization as possible). She added, “I thought they didn’t allow any phones on the base? For, you know, security reasons, I’m guessing..”

“Well, that’s the thing…” Kent started, anxiously twirling the phone wire around his finger. He let out a small breath before explaining, “I’m actually…not at the base. Not anymore, anyway. That’s why I called, to be honest.”

“Kent Neilson,” his mother started, the scold evident in her voice, “what in the world did you do?” She paused for a bit before adding, slightly panicked, “They didn’t….they didn’t kick you out, did they?” Misty’s voice went quiet as she said the last part. Everyone knew that being kicked out (or “discharged” for a more technical term) from the military was never a good sign. It meant you had done something so awful - so heinous - that you could no longer be associated with the Ferngill Republic military.

“No, Mom,” Kent denied, easing his mother’s mind and denying her fears, “They didn’t kick me out, don’t worry.” Though, they might after they find out I left, Kent grumbled to himself. He shook the thought from his mind. He spoke once again, “I sort of.. left?” His voice rose on the word “left” as he pursed his lips together. He knew his mother would likely scold him for acting so irrational and doing something so crazy.

“Left?” She asked, her voice rising in disbelief. Kent grimaced. Misty went quiet for a moment, debating Kent’s words. Eventually, the caring nature seeped back into her voice and she spoke once more, “That’s not like you, sweetheart. Did something happen?”

Kent’ sighed, though he gripped the receiver tighter. He spoke, his voice slightly shaky as emotions threatened to overtake him, “Yeah.. Yeah something happened.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Misty asked. Though she was quite surprised when Kent blurted out a loud “No!”

“Sorry.. That’s not what I meant, Mom,” Kent tried to explain, a small sigh slipping past his lips. He grimaced and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knew his outburst likely hurt his mother’s feelings. He tried to reconcile the situation, “I’ll explain everything… as soon as I get home.”

“When are you coming home, by the way?” Misty asked, a small ‘hmm’ slipping from her lips as she considered Kent’s words. She eventually gave in and nodded. She couldn’t stay mad at her son - the feeling of missing him far outweighed any anger she might’ve had. Misty spoke, “I miss you, dear. Jodi misses you. Ruby and I have been trying our best but, as of late, Jodi seems a bit more…worried than usual. She keeps mumbling about her brother? Something about unanswered letters..”

Kent’s expression fell. Has the letter explaining Danny’s death not arrived yet? He knew the mail was quite slow, but it had been almost two days. Surely that was enough time to send a measly letter.. Kent frowned. He had hoped Jodi would have at least some form of an idea of what happened. He wasn’t too eager to be the one to break the news. Kent went silent.

“Kent?” Misty asked, confused. “Are you still there, honey? This blasted thing I swear.. Always breaking at the worst of times!” She moved to hang up, assuming the signal had been lost. Kent’s eyes widened and he quickly spoke, shaking out of his stupor.

“Yeah, I’m still here..” He assured her. He paused for a minute as he remembered the reason he called in the first place. He and Willy were stuck, after all. “Um, listen, about that.. I had a question,” Kent spoke, chewing on his lower lip as he tried to keep his thoughts at bay.

“Yes?”

“Can you come and get me?” Kent asked. He looked around and tried to determine just how far they were from the city. He pursed his lips together. The rain was still quite dense and made it impossible to see. “The car got… sort of stuck in the mud. Willy and I are near the outskirts of the city. I can’t tell you exactly where because I.. don’t know, really.. But just look for the armored vehicle.”

“Wait, Willy is with you?” She asked, knitting her brows together. She hadn’t heard or seen that name anywhere since the day Chris died. And, truth be told, all she had received was a small note of condolences from the man.

“Yeah?” Kent asked, his own confusion seeping into his words. He spoke again, this time adding a bit more joking nature to ease his mother’s mind, “You didn’t think I was crazy enough to travel this way by myself, did you?”

“Sweetheart, we both know how easily you get lost,” Misty responded, though there was no real malice in her voice. In fact, Kent swore he could see the smile on his mother’s lips now. She spoke once again, “Alright, dear. I’ll come find you. Stay with Willy until I get there, alright?”

“Okay. You got it, Mom,” Kent spoke. He reached the phone outwards - attempting to place it back on the stand to hang up - but a small voice nagged at the back of his mind. He brought the receiver back to his mouth. Kent hesitated, unsure of what else to say. Eventually, he spoke, “Oh yeah, before you go… There’s one more thing I needed to tell you.”

“What’s that, sweetheart?” Misty asked, tilting her head in confusion.

“I love you.”

“Aww, I love you too, dear,” Misty replied with a wide smile.

She spoke again, “Okay, I’m going to hang up now. I’ll be there to get you in a few minutes!” And with that, Misty hung up the phone with a soft click. Kent stood there, holding the beeping receiver in his hands. His previous thoughts seemed to return. He couldn’t believe he had been too preoccupied with his own grief to ask if Jodi was alright. To make matters worse, the last letter he sent had been short and terse - as it was the day after Danny’s funeral. He silently hoped she wasn’t mad at him for that. He also hoped that he wouldn’t be the one to tell Jodi about her brother, that the letter would arrive before he did, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

An beep sounded and the automated voice filled his ears with a shrill Please Deposit 25g To Make Another Call. Kent sighed and hung the phone back on the stand. He trudged back towards the vehicle and stood next to Willy, resuming his position of being leaned against the side.

“Well?” Willy asked once Kent returned. He raised an eyebrow, trying to read the boy’s features and determine what had happened. He prodded for more information, “How’d it go?”

Kent gave a small nod and explained the phone call with his mother - making sure to mention the fact that she would be there soon. The two waited and, sure enough, about fifteen minutes later a car pulled up. Kent raised a hand to shield his eyes as the headlights cut through his vision, momentarily blinding him until Misty realized and dimmed them. Kent approached his mother’s car and motioned for Willy to follow him. However, the man remained motionless. Kent turned back, confused.

“What’s wrong, Willy?” Kent asked. A small frown found its way onto his lips and his brows furrowed together. He was full of questions, so he spoke once more, “Are you coming?”

Willy shook his head, “No, son. I’m not comin’.”

“What?” Kent asked, dumbfounded. Willy had gone all this way and for what? Just to turn around once Kent entered the city? Kent didn’t like that thought one bit. “Why not?”

“There’s nothin’ left for me there, Kent,” Willy explained, shrugging his shoulders slightly. A small sigh slipped from his lips and Willy looked at the ground - he couldn’t bear to see the hurt look on Kent’s face. Gazing at his muddy shoes, Willy spoke again, “That was always the plan, ’m afraid. I just needed to make sure ye got to the city safely, lad. Now, you don’t need me anymore, you’ve got yer Mammy.”

“Willy, that’s not true!” Kent protested. He felt tears well up in his eyes. Kent felt like a child, pleading with someone who wouldn’t listen. He clenched his fist in anger, shaking as emotion overcame him. Kent spoke again, desperately trying to convince Willy to stay, “I need you. Please, Willy.” His voice spoke and cracked.

“Kent, just get in yer Ma’s car,” Willy replied, another sigh slipping past his lips. He finally looked up at Kent, his lips forming a thin line at Kent’s expression - which was raw with emotion and coated in hurt. “You aren’t making this any easier on me, son.”

“So, what?” Kent spoke, his emotions churning and bubbling once again. He felt a mixture of anger, sadness, hurt… but most of all, he felt betrayed. Why would Willy make this great effort just to leave in the end? It didn’t make sense. He continued to protest, “You’re going back to that place? The place that took everything from you? And I’m supposed to be fine with that?”

“No, Kent,” Willy spoke, shaking his head. Willy bit his lower lip, taking in the boy’s words. “You aren’t supposed to be fine with anythin’. That’s how life is. Things happen outside of yer control.”

“Look, lad,” Willy continued. He looked at Kent and a remorseful expression covered his features. He looked at the car behind the boy - seriously debating Kent’s offer before shaking his head. “I have to go back. It’s my duty. You’ll understand that some day, I know it,” Willy admitted sadly.

“You’re just going to leave? After everything?” Kent asked, tears now pouring down his cheeks. He sniffled and closed his eyes to avoid any more tears. It didn’t help that they were still being soaked by the vicious rain. Kent slowly opened his eyes and watched Willy tentatively. Eventually, he added, “What if I never see you again?”

To this, Willy responded with his usual heart chuckle and a shake of his head. He then stated, “I have a strange feelin’ you’ll see me again, lad. Just not in the way you’d expect.” Willy smiled at him - as if they were exchanging an inside joke.

Kent sighed. Willy’s words did little to comfort him. Though, a part of him knew that Willy was right. They would see each other again. Kent gave a small nod and slowly edged closer to his mother’s car.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye, lad,” Willy spoke, watching Kent walk away. Willy felt a small pang in his chest. He had only known Kent for a year but he had grown rather fond of the boy. Kent was like the son Willy never had.

Before he realized it, Kent ran towards the man and wrapped him into a tight hug. Willy’s eyes widened as the sudden force nearly caused him to topple over. Though, he wrapped his own arms around Kent and gave him a tight squeeze in return. Kent held the man for as long as he could, but his mother beeped the horn to signal they needed to go. He looked up at Willy sadly before speaking, “Thank you, Willy. For everything.”

Willy smiled before giving Kent a fatherly pat on his back. Eventually, he carefully pushed Kent off and motioned towards Misty’s car. Willy reached a hand up and playfully ruffled the top of Kent’s hair before adding, “Now, get outta here, lad. Your lass is waitin’ on ye back home.”

A sad smile spread across Kent’s lips, but he turned and walked towards Misty’s car. He grabbed the handle and opened the door. Though, before he got in, Kent turned and glanced at Willy one final time. He beamed up at him before waving until his arm hurt. Then, Kent got into the car and closed the door. As Misty began driving off, Kent glanced out the window and watched Wily. Though, it seemed like Willy wasn’t alone. Kent swore he saw a familiar figure standing next to the man - a figure who was burly, gruff, and had wrinkles near his eyes from smiling. Kent reached a hand outward, pressing it against the window as the two figures faded in the distance.

Willy glanced to his left, smiling up at the figure next to him.

“Well, Chrissy,” He spoke, shaking his head as a smile spread across his lips, “I think I fulfilled my promise, don’t you?” Willy watched as the figure nodded - his form shimmering and glinting as the rain passed through him.

“That’s some boy you’ve got there, old friend,” Willy continued. A proud expression crossed his lips and he spoke again, “He’s goin’ places. I guess I should, too. After all, the universe waits for no one, huh?”

Willy got into his vehicle and it immediately roared to life. He’d never tell Kent this, but it was an all-terrain vehicle. They were never actually stuck. He gave one final glance at Misty’s car speeding away in the distance before driving back to the base.

In Misty’s car, Kent was recalling the events until he left that morning - though he made sure to leave out gruesome and painful parts (which was basically all of it). Essentially, he told his mother two of his closest friends had died, he was injured (which caused Misty to break out into a panic and Kent had to spend several minutes assuring her he was fine), and then explained how it was all too much and he needed to leave. Luckily, Misty - even though she knew it wasn’t the entire story - didn’t ask too many questions. She knew her son, which means she knew that he would talk about it when (or if ever) he was ready.

The car pulled into the lot behind their apartment and the two got out before approaching the door. Kent hung back, anxiously fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket.

“Are you coming, honey?” Misty called back at her son, a look of concern covering her face.

“Yeah.. I’ll.. I’ll be in a bit, Mom,” He assured his mother. Misty gave a nod and entered the building. Kent paced around - his nerves eating away at him. He was excited to be home and see Jodi, sure, but he was also quite worried. After all, he had - rather unfortunately - lost her favorite hair tie (and her brother) and now what? He had to break the news to her? He didn’t know if he could do it. While Kent was debating, the door slowly creaked open behind him.

“Kent?” Jodi asked, stepping out onto the stairs and looking out. She squinted through the heavy rain and pulled her cardigan closed.

Upon hearing her voice, Kent turned around and glanced up at his wife. He gave her a soft smile and approached her.

Jodi scrutinized Kent when he stopped in front of her. The first thing she noticed was his hair: while it was still spiky and pointed on top, the once fluffy sides had been buzzed - shaved close to the scalp. It was unusual and unlike anything Jodi had seen before. She wasn’t sure how to feel about it. The next thing she noticed was two large gashes across Kent’s face - one spanning from his left nostril and angled down to his chin, creating a thick scar near the corner of his mouth, and the other across the bridge of his nose.

Jodi frowned and reached her hands up to gently cup Kent’s face. She carefully ran her thumb over the scar on Kent’s mouth, her brows furrowing together. Jodi looked up at her husband and felt tears well up in her eyes.

“Oh, Kent,” She pleaded, rubbing her thumb over his scar once again. Kent leaned into her palm before turning his head and placing a gentle kiss onto her wrist. A single tear fell from her eye and she spoke once more, “What did they do to you, Cactus?”

Kent gave a sad smile at the nickname. He reached his hand up and brushed away Jodi’s tears before resting his own hand against her cheek. His heart sank when she glanced at his wrist and noticed it suspiciously empty.

“I’m sorry, Starfruit,” Kent spoke sadly, looking at his own wrist with a forlorn expression. A small sigh slipped past his lips and he added, “I lost your hair tie.”

“Oh, honey, it’s alright,” Jodi spoke, though there was some sadness in her voice. She hid the emotion by beaming up at Kent and speaking once more, “I’m just glad you’re alright. It’s just a.. silly hair tie, after all..”

“No, Jo, it’s not alright,” Kent replied, shaking his head in dismissal, “It was.. It was important and it was yours… and I lost it. It’s gone and it’s all my fault.” Kent finally broke, tears began streaming down his cheeks once again. He felt Jodi’s thumb brush against his cheek once again, wiping away the tears tenderly.

“I have a feeling we aren’t just talking about a hair tie,” Jodi started, a small, knowing look crossing her face. A small sigh slipped from her lips and she added, “Are we?”

Kent shook his head, a look of utter despair crossing his face. He wrapped his arms around Jodi and buried his face in her neck. His body shook as sobs racked through him. Through his tears, he managed to squeak out a small, “I tried to save him. I tried so hard, Jodi.”

Jodi reached her hand up and laced her fingers in the edges of Kent’s hair, holding him as close as humanly possible. She knew something like this would happen and she had pleaded with Danny not to leave the day he enlisted. Jodi felt fragile, as if someone had taken a hammer and smashed her porcelain heart to bits, laughing as it shattered. Her own sobs bubbled in her chest, threatening to spill over and consume her completely. The only thing that seemed to keep that from happening, however, was Kent.

Kent tightened his grip on Jodi, reaching his own hand up to cradle the back of her head. He knew that, no matter how much he hurt right now, she would be hurting much worse. After all, Danny was her brother and she talked about him and their misadventures as children constantly. Kent had never imagined he’d meet the guy - especially not under the circumstances he did meet him - or that he’d ever become best friends with him. But, thinking back on how Jodi described him, it was impossible not to love Danny, Kent realized.

He let Jodi cry onto his shoulder. Kent held her close and tightened his grip - afraid that if either of them let go they’d both shatter completely. When Jodi finally moved her head off of Kent’s shoulder, she glanced up at him sadly.

“What happened to him?” Jodi asked, though she wasn’t sure she’d like the answer. She needed to know, regardless of how it made her feel. She had to know what happened to her brother.

Kent gave a small, solemn nod and began retelling the events - including the details about Lee and Lee’s death. Jodi listened intently, though a small frown formed on her lips.

“Lee? That name sounds familiar..” She spoke, tilting her head to the side as she tried to remember where she had heard it before. Then, recognition washed over her. She sprinted back into the house and dashed into Kent’s room - ruffling through her belongings and pulling out a stack of letters from her brother. Kent watched her walk away, slightly confused. He decided he didn’t want to get any more soaked than he already was and followed her inside.

Jodi flipped through each letter, intently scanning the contents for the familiarity. Eventually, she found it in one of Danny’s more recent letters - one dated three days ago. She snatched it up and ran towards Kent. When she made it back to his side, she pointed at the letter excitedly.

“Now I know why that name was so familiar!” She exclaimed, wildly waving the letter in front of Kent’s face. She handed it to him and pointed at one of the later paragraphs. “Danny mentioned a ‘Lee’ in this!”

It read: “I had a nice talk with a friend this morning, he tells me he’s your husband. While I’m a bit upset you didn’t share this with me, I can’t be too mad, can I? After all, I haven’t shared the most exciting news of all. I think.. I think I may have a crush on someone. His name is Lee. Ah, I feel like a schoolgirl, Dumpling. Everytime I think about him and his nice smile I can’t help but turn into a tomato.. I spoke to your husband and asked for help - I mean, I think I seriously like this guy, Jodi. As in, I “want to confess to him” type of serious.. Anyway, Kent gave me some good advice and I might take it. Wish me luck. Always and forever, your love-struck older brother - D.”

“I mean, when I read this I was shocked,” Jodi started. She read the words again and continued, “Danny, having a crush on someone? It was unheard of. I was so eager to hear how it went - maybe a little too eager.. I sent maybe five letters or so..”

“But, there was no response and I began to get worried,” Jodi explained, her brows furrowing together. A small sigh slipped past her lips and she brought the paper close to her chest, inhaling the faint woodsy scent of the parchment. Danny always smelled like that when he hugged her. She missed it. She missed him. Jodi spoke once more, “And, now, learning everything that’s happened? I just hope he can finally be.. I don’t know…himself, I guess. I always hated how Danny had to hide who he was, you know? He should’ve been able to have a boyfriend - preferably one who I could tease him about. I mean it’s only a little sister’s right, you know!”

Kent gave a small nod, though reading the words had caused his chest to tighten even further. He really couldn’t believe his friends were gone. It felt like he had only known them for a short time. He reached upwards and wrapped his fingers around the three I.D. tags on his necklace. He just wished he could see them again - wished he could see them happy, and safe. An idea popped into his head.

“Hey, Jodi?” Kent spoke, calling out to try and get Jodi’s attention.

“Mhm?” Jodi replied, turning to look at her husband.

“Let’s go stargazing,” He suggested, already moving to grab a blanket and some jackets for the two of them before adding, “There’s something I want to show you.”

“You know I’m not one to turn down a good stargazing session, Cactus,” Jodi started, skepticism ebbing into her voice. She motioned towards the window, towards the rain droplets that were still pounding against the thin glass, and raised an eyebrow. She added, “But it’s still raining.”

“I know,” Kent confirmed with a small nod. He reached over and grabbed Jodi’s hand, intertwining their fingers together and giving her arm a gentle tug before speaking again, “Just trust me. You’re going to want to see this.”

Jodi looked at him, still skeptical, though she nodded and allowed him to drag her back out into the rain. The two trudged to the patch of grass - their patch of grass. Kent unrolled the blanket and carefully spread it across the damp ground.

He laid down and patted the spot next to him. Jodi quickly took her own spot, though she snuggled up against Kent - her head laying on the middle of his chest - and draped her arms around his waist. He wrapped his own arms around her shoulders before explaining what Willy had told him previously. When he finished his shoddy attempt at explaining, he spoke.

“Just.. look at the sky,” Kent instructed, motioning towards the stars with one of his hands before returning it to it’s resting position on Jodi’s forearm. He added, “Tell me what you see.”

Jodi did as she was told. She looked at the stars. They just looked like normal stars. She turned back to Kent and looked up at him skeptically. She made a small squeak of protest, though Kent shushed her and pointed back at the sky. Jodi raised an eyebrow but turned and glanced back at the sky. To her amazement, the stars had begun to shift and rearrange themselves before her very own eyes.

She let out a small gasp of astonishment and watched intently - utterly transfixed by the phenomenon. It was unlike anything she’d ever seen before. Soon, the stars were no longer stars at all. They swirled and morphed into the outline of two figures. Out of the two of them, only one looked familiar. Jodi squinted, looking up at the sky intently as the figures began to sharpen and come more into focus. She let out another gasp as recognition washed over her features.

“That’s Danny,” Jodi exclaimed, happiness washing over her. She reached a hand up and pointed at the figure of her brother. Her eyes shifted to the other - the figure she didn’t know - and she looked at Kent, puzzled, before asking. “If that’s Danny, then… that means.. That must be-”

“That’s Lee,” Kent confirmed with a small, solemn nod. He wrapped his arms around Jodi once again. He placed a gentle kiss onto the top of her hair before resting his chin on the top of her head. Kent moved and ran a caring hand up and down Jodi’s forearm before adding, “I like to think they’re happy, you know? They’re finally together.”

“And, they don’t have to hide or be ashamed of who they are,” Jodi added with a small nod. She completely understood Kent’s sentiment.

Jodi leaned into Kent’s touch and closed her eyes, letting the image of her brother’s smiling face fill her mind. It made her heart ache less knowing that, wherever Danny was, he wasn’t alone. He had someone who cared about him. He had Lee.

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

Note

Tw domestic abuse, sexual assault, suicide, self harm and eating disorder mentions (those last two not in detail, just mentioned)

Nickname: turquoise

Looking for advice, either on how to get out or just come to terms with this being the rest of my life, either way.

So I have a situation kind of similar to this ask posted just now.

https://www.tumblr.com/traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors/712807834009665536/tw-romantic-partner-violence-hey-so-ive-known

I've been with my wife for seven years now. A lot of her issues come from childhood trauma, but it's just...been wearing me down lately. Nearly from the start there were emotional issues between us, and physical violence and one sexual assault within the first six months (she said I agreed to let her do stuff while I was asleep but I don't remember that, and either way she didn't stop when I asked her to). I'm honestly not sure why I stayed but that's neither here nor there. Maybe I kept thinking it would get better but it didn't and at a lot of points I was genuinely scared for my safety, especially since the one time I did try to leave she found me in under a day and the friend I'd run away to decided I should go back home with her since, in her words 'well, you are kind of a bitch'. Anyway, there would be times when things got better but they'd always get bad again. We're in one of the better periods, though recently there's still been a lot of emotional stuff, some minor physical stuff (only small bruises and no lingering pain) and two sexual assaults last week. Still, things have definitely tapered off from a couple years ago, and she has been putting in more effort to be nicer, so if nothing else it's been a while since I've been balled up on the floor trying to be a small target so that's something. Still, as much as I should be happy about that I just...honestly I feel like shit a lot of the time, and I can't seem to stop being on edge no matter what happens, even though she gets mad at me whenever she notices that.

Also over the past two years she's developed significant anxiety, to the point where even after being on meds and in therapy for over a year she says she can't work.. We have no income now and I have a lot of my own mental difficulties that have made jobs difficult for me for most of my life (not self dxing, but likely autism and ADHD and a PD that have never been treated, along with a lot of past trauma from her and people before her, that's she's sometimes triggered on purpose or been dismissive of, though she is trying to stop that), but more difficult since I met her, especially since I've spent the past year at least in one of the worst depressive episodes I've had in my life, with my self harm and eating disorder getting worse again (both of which she knows about and does not respond well to at all), to the point that I'm pretty much always passively suicidal and have attempted a few times. At the very least I'm out of the bout of drinking I dealt with for a few months. I'm not outlining this to make anyone feel bad for me, just to point out that a full time work week, especially in the kinds of fast paced, people centric jobs I could reasonably get, would be very difficult for me to handle at this point. I've asked her if we could both work part time, since I thought a few days a week for each of us would be easier to handle, and at first she said yes but now she's flat out refusing, saying that since she supported us for a while she deserves a long break too, completely glossing over how often she hit me during that time and how generally shit she made me feel every day, or the fact that the abuse didn't stop when I went back to work, or that the circumstances that led to it being best for only her to work in that time were out of our control.

Basically, I want to leave. Ideally I'd just leave her, but she says she can't survive without my support, and that she'll kill herself if I actually go. I don't know if that's true or not but I don't want to find out the hard way, but I also know I can't handle both working full time and taking care of her full time (she refuses to do anything at home or to manage and organize our lives either, sometimes to the point of yanking me out of bed after only a few hours of sleep to make her food even though she is able to cook, arguably better than me).

Im basically never happy, and I want to leave but I can't, not with the way she is mentally now, not with what she might do, especially since the only person I know she could go to is her mother, who wouldn't be accepting of her being trans which isn't something I want to put her through. I've been thinking of asking a friend or relative of mine (what few I have left after she isolated me for so long, since I can't drive and for years she's been in charge of if I leave the house or not, which she rarely lets me do), to let me stay with them during the work week, since it would be easier to find and keep a job that way. I'd have limited contact with my wife, only seeing her on the weekends and preferably not talking much during the week, but still with me supporting both of us.

I don't know if she'd go for this, or even how to ask, but I know I can't handle dealing with both work and her and my own issues at the same time. I've tried to say this a bit and she's said I'm just being whiny and lazy, so I just don't know what to do or how to fully broach the subject, but I'm just so scared for the future between us in general.

I'm sorry this was a long post my thoughts are just not organized sometimes. Thank you for everything you do.

Amendment from turquoise. Abuse mention.

I just really wanted to clarify that I don't want anything I said about my wife to be attributed to the fact that she's trans. I don't think any of the mods of this blog would do that, but I just worry that others would, or that it came across as me saying her abuse and her gender are somehow connected but I swear I don't think they are and if anything came across that way I never meant for it to. I know most trans people don't hurt others (not to mention I'm trans myself but that just didn't seem relevant, still not sure if it is here)

Basically I just hope I didn't paint an entire group in a bad light and I really didn't mean to if I did sorry I was just worried about that.

Hi turquoise,

I'm so sorry about what's been going on. Also, I wouldn't worry about potentially coming off as transphobic, I don't get that vibe at all and I see what you mean to say quite clearly.

Just because the abuse has been tapering off doesn't mean you should tolerate it. Being assaulted violates your boundaries, and it's important to respect and assert them. Just because it's tapering off doesn't mean you're supposed to be happy in this relationship. It makes absolute sense why you still feel like shit. You're on edge because you may have developed trauma responses and you're around someone who your brain has been conditioned to perceive as a threat.

Emotional availability is essential for the longevity of a relationship. For your partner to not be there for you or respond well to depressive episodes or even suicidal thoughts is definitely a problem. I feel like if she truly cared about you she would make a better effort to be there for you, especially when you're contemplating suicide.

It sounds like your partner is refusing to share the responsibility of any productive or reproductive labor, which puts unnecessary stress on you. Just because she's been working doesn't mean you have to do everything. Most people just continue working without breaks, you know? So how is it fair for her to refuse to work when that means no income? It would make more sense if she was overwhelmed with burdens, but she really has pushed virtually every responsibility of hers onto you and is expecting you to be absolutely fine with that.

It seems like you've tried communicating with her but she's given you a hard time. If it is safe to do so, it may be helpful to simply assert a boundary such as "I feel x when you do y. If you continue to treat me this way, this isn't going to work." Just letting her know where things stand may be helpful in terms of communication, but if this would be unsafe to do, then it may be best to simply leave without warning.

Like I said in the other ask, if she is going to choose to mistreat you then it is your right to leave if necessary. It's a hard decision though of course, because you don't want her to go back to her abusers, but really, that's not your problem. If you need to leave then you need to leave, where she goes is not really for you to worry about. It's important to assert your boundaries and put your foot down when you've had enough, even if it doesn't benefit everyone.

Abusers often block the exit in various ways, and that can include threatening suicide. Please know that it is manipulative for someone to blame suicide or self harm on someone else. It is your right to leave when you want or need to. Your partner's actions are her responsibility alone. Breaking up does not hold you liable to what your partner chooses to do as a result.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw sa #tw r #tw emotional abuse #tw self harm #tw sui #turquoise #trauma details

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dyketubbo · 3 years

Text

mkay. ive woken up, it doesnt seem like theres any new developments, so. post explaining what the hells been going on about the ae/emeraldduo qpr discourse ig woo. this is going to be from my perspective, because i am one person. shocker. anyways,

basic summary: i made a post saying that because c!kristin is canon and philza and techno have boundaries against shipping, i believed that maybe there should be a genuine effort to chill out with putting c!philza and c!technoblade in a qpr or platonic marriage, as c!philza being married to c!kristin is based off the irl marriage and c!philza and c!technos friend dynamic is based off the ccs dynamic even outside of the dream smp (such as, of course, the antarctic empire being a smpearth thing). i also said this because i feel like theres a genuine problem in the fandom with how it treats kristin, not only in fanart (making her skinny and white), but also just. in general, overshadowing her with the idea of emeraldduo being married, shit like that, and it irked me esp bc shes a woc while philza and techno are white men.

people get pissed at me, both to my face and behind my back, and i get insulted, called stupid, arophobic, anti-polyam, told i dont understand friendship and that i dont have friends. i joined a server just to wake up and find myself banned and blocked with no explanation, left to assume that i was talked about behind my back while i was unable to defend myself. out of all the people who disagreed with me, one person. one. person. was nice to me and didnt call me arophobic, actually giving me constructive criticism and a chance to elaborate. one. i finally start to feel better two days after the fact, consulting people outside the fandom to get second opinions and getting happy when people agreed with me and even gave insight to things i didnt consider, and what do i get?

someone rbed to tell me "not to go on twitter" because people were talking about me, and informing me that there was a group chat dedicated to "talking about how wrong [i am]". what the rest of the post said, i dont remember, because the person seems to have me blocked and i fucking panicked after being told theres literally an entire group of people talking about me on twitter- of which, yknow. is known for harassing people and even once had a black girl doxxed?? not to mention that the person who mocked me for supposedly not having friends did so when i said to leave me alone, and ive said publicly for people to leave me alone consistently, and. well, insulting and going after someone, or even talking about them behind their back, when they said to leave them alone is in fact harassment, by definition.

im accused of not listening to philza, with the only clip being given to me of him talking about c!emeraldduo being like "the platonic version of achilles and patroclus", as if platonic = queerplatonic. yesterday was the first time i was given a clip of phil talking about qprs specifically, given to me by someone who didnt evem disagree with me anyways, again showing the people disagreeing with me were barely actually willing to cooperate with me. i have. complicated feelings on the clip (mainly with how its worded as just headcanons and only given the definition of "platonic life partners" which.. hm.), but this post isnt about that.

regardless, i vent to my friends, because i was having a delusional breakdown, and one makes a post saying they didnt want to interact with the fandom after people went after me. they inform me that both people who insulted me before and others reblogged from their post to again assert that im arophobic, claim that no one was talking about me outside of people publicly talking about how "arophobic" i am (which.. is people talking about me), claim that i called people racist and sexist (i didnt?? i dont think anyones racist and sexist, not even for what i brought up concerning the fandoms treatment of kristin, it gives me a bad taste in my mouth, but i would never call anyone racist or sexist for it [outside of the whitewashing but thats a different issue from the qpr discussion]), and then they were sent anon hate, one even asserting that they were arophobic and talking over minority groups and therefore deserved to be in their bad home situation. outside of their post being in the dream smp tag, its hard to believe that people just. normally found their post. unless they were going through the recent posts in the dream smp tag (which i dont feel is the case), it is.. concerning that they found my friend trying to defend me so quickly and immediately decided to continue to talk about me behind my back and even insult them as well.

so.. yknow, not great in asserting that there arent people tracking me somehow, which is incredibly triggering and paranoia inducing.

either way, in the end, if people disagree with me about the situation, i dont care, i cant stop them, but i just want people to stop being fucking pricks about it. i want people to stop being pissy at me and about me, i want people to stop insulting me and telling me and telling people i interact with that im arophobic when im not. i want people to stop pretending to care when they tell me to take a break when theyre the fucking reasons i have to take a break. i want people to stop being condescending to me, to stop talking about me, to stop acting like theyre superior while fucking insulting me.

i just wanted to bring up an issue about the lack of respect kristin gets, and people as always turned it into something about philza and technoblades relationship when that was literally the behavior that i was complaining about. i hate that me wanting to talk about how kristin and her marriage to phil is treated turned into me having several breakdowns in one day because i kept getting worse and worse news about how people were treating me. i hate that i did take breaks, that i actively distracted myself, went outside, took care of my pets, took care of myself, talked to my friends, and yet people just acted condescending and went all "if you cant handle criticism then leave :/".

what the fuck is wrong with you people? why is it that this fandom actively defaults to harassment and using ccs against fans when an issue arises? and i fucking hate that this is my first goddamn actual interaction with aeduo fans. im genuinely terrified of aeduo fans now if this is how they react to problems. fuck everyone who talked about me behind my back, fuck everyone who acted condescending towards me, fuck everyone who called me arophobic or anti-polyam or whatever the hell they had up their sleeves, fuck every single grown ass adult who saw a teenager have a fucking breakdown over the shit they did and said and decided to continue. fuck everyone who didnt even bother to have a goddamn level conversation with me before insulting me and attempting to tell others that im arophobic and other shit like that.

this shit happened because of two paragraphs. i said two goddamn paragraphs about a personal issue with the fandom i had and now ive genuinely been pushed almost to the point of relapsing. i dont give a shit if people think i have a victim complex, i just want people to leave. me. alone. its the fucking least you could do. oh, and go fuck yourself. if you genuinely thought id be apologizing after that shit, fuck you. i shouldnt have to be the better person with this shit, i shouldnt be pushed to choking on my own fucking tears because people wont let it fucking be. im not goddamn apologizing after three days of getting insulted and harassed and talked about behind my back for a fucking shipping issue. piss off.

#long post #dsmp #negative #fandom critical #discourse #i dont care if i look immature for this. i deserve the fucking option to be immature after this shit #im tired of crying over this.#mask mews #harassment tw #ask to tag

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wienerbarnes · 3 years

Text

Necessary Evil

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,816

Warnings: nothing crazy, typical canon violence type stuff, special character appearance👀

A/N: so sorry for not posting this like two days ago when i said i was going to🥴 ive had a ton going on and ive been a busy bee but hopefully ill get myself organized for next week :) question for yall! should i keep the friday posting schedule or do thursdays instead bc of fatws on fridays? lmk!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

It’s been a confusing couple of weeks. You’ve been placed on a temporary leave while you finish your recovery after the last mission.

You’ve been trying to learn as much about your new powers as you can, not really understanding what they are or how they work considering that most of the time they’ve shown themselves it’s been accidental.

Making Bucky drop food, slamming doors shut, sending stuff flying across the room. At this point you’ll tape your hands at your sides if it means you’ll stop making such a mess everywhere.

Everything has been put on halt. You don’t cook, in fear of starting a fire or making a mess in your kitchen, you don’t spar with anyone or workout unless it’s in a closed off and sealed training room used for when the Hulk was at the tower, in fear of hurting people around you, and unfortunately, you haven’t let Bucky be around you much in fear of hurting him.

He tells you that you’re not going to hurt him and that even if you did he wouldn’t take it personally, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it. The two of you got into a heated argument a few days ago when he offered to let you use him as a practice dummy for your new powers.

“How dare you suggest something like that to me?!”

“Well, I just meant that -”

“Meant what? How would you feel if I asked you to slap me around like a ragdoll with your metal arm? Make you go Winter Soldier on me?”

“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”

“Isn’t it though?”

It wasn’t pretty.

It also didn’t help that Bucky was sent on a solo mission recently. He couldn’t tell you much about it, and you didn’t push it, knowing the two of you were still a bit rocky with each other, and knowing that it would only put more stress on you constantly thinking about his mission.

Boy, did you miss him though. You’re glad you put aside your pride to hug and kiss him goodbye, taking in his warmth, his love, his smell, savoring his arms around you and his lips on yours before he left. With the way he held and kissed you, you think he felt the same.

That was two days ago. Alpine has been the one to keep you the most company. She’s gotten big, and it’s a lot more fun to play around with her now. You trail a feather attached to the end of a string around the ground while she tries to pounce after it. A knock at the door doesn’t even pull her attention away from the toy as you let her win and catch it, standing up from your sitting position on the floor.

You open it to reveal Sam in more casual clothes than his regular tactical pants and shirt, and you return the smile he gives you.

“You busy?” He asks.

You look over your shoulder to see Alpine still pawing at the feather on the ground.

“No, I’m not busy, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hang out, we both got the day off, figured I’d show you the best danishes in New York.”

You’re not sure if Bucky put him up to this or if this is a way to keep you from going batshit being stuck in your room not being able to do anything, but you accept the offer anyway. It’ll be nice to get some air.

“Do you, uhm,” You begin, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“What’s up?” Sam asks, the guy from the VA coming out, encouraging you to tell him.

“Do you know if Bucky’s okay? I haven’t heard from him, is all.” You ask, slipping on some shoes and heading back out into the hallway with Sam.

“I mean, I’m sure he’s fine, why wouldn’t he be?”

“Just that I know these solo missions can be anywhere and he could be doing anything, but I still worry. I didn’t know if you knew where he was or anything.”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t know, because Bucky told him Steve asked him for a few favors and he needed some off time for a couple of days. He thought Bucky was in rural New York. There’s no mission. But he supposes he’s not supposed to tell you that.

“Yeah, I don’t know much about it. Fury’s probably the one behind it.” Fury’s in Florida for his niece’s sixth birthday. He doesn’t tell you that either.

Luckily you accept it and enter the elevator to leave the private floor and go to the common area, able to leave out the backway of the tower.

“Avenger in the building, Captain.”

Sam doesn’t understand. Avenger? Who’s even around anymore?

“Uh, huh? Bucky?”

“No, Captain.”

“Clint?”

“No.”

“Who’s here?”

“Underoos.”

Underoos? Where has he heard that? Isn’t that -

The elevator doors open to the common room, a teenage boy stands with his back towards the two of you. His head whips around in typical teenage fashion and your eyebrows shoot up, unaware that the Avengers recruited teenagers.

“Is that a fucking kid?”

“Peter?” Sam asks, clearly surprised at the boy being in front of him. He hasn’t seen him in years. He wasn’t even sure where he was all this time, assuming he was in school, with his Aunt, but now he’s here.

“Sam! And his lady... friend. How are you?!”

“The lady friend has a name.” You chirp.

“What are you doing here?”

You and Sam speak at the same time. Peter addresses you first, “And your name is…?”

“Uh, Agent 51.” You didn’t think that through.

“Weird name, but alright.”

“Peter.” Sam brings his attention back to his question.

“Who is this guy?” You ask, clearly lost on who this person is and how he’s an Avenger.

“This is Spider-Man.” Sam tells you nonchalantly.

“Uh- Sam?!” Peter exclaims.

“What, she works with us, now. She doesn’t have anyone to tell anyway.”

“Sam?!” You elbow him.

“Why are you here, Peter.” Sam asks again.

“Well, you know, I was in school, doing some stuff here and there for Hill and Fury, and I figured I’d stop by.” He smiles.

You and Sam stare in silent confusion.

“Okay, look. I feel… lost. Like I feel like I’ve come to terms with Tony dying and stuff, but, I don’t know...” Peter finally cuts to the point.

You know very little about Spider-Man. You definitely didn’t know he was a kid, but you also didn’t know that he had some sort of a close relationship with Tony Stark. You’re becoming more and more like Bucky everyday; not knowing who any of these people are, not remembering seemingly important events, hell, not even knowing have these things happened because you were under Hydra.

“Peter, we don’t -”

“I’m not asking for help. More so asking if you have anything for me to do, or something.” His smile falls. You’re definitely confused, but you feel for the guy. You remember feeling lost as a teenager, losing the people you looked up to. And that lost feeling landed you in the Marines and the Marines landed you with a terrorist organization. We should help him, you immediately think.

“I’m sorry, man.” Sam offers. He wants to help Peter, as annoying as he finds him. Being a teenager is hard, and being Spider-Man is harder. But, Sam can’t forget that he’s still a kid in school with only his aunt and a few friends around him. He doesn’t want to put a person like that in the immense danger they throw themselves into, even if he knows he can handle it.

“No worries, I’ll be on my way, then.” Peter nervously scratches at his eyebrow.

“Sure you don’t want to stick around here for a bit? I know the Avengers aren’t much of a thing anymore, but, you always got a room here; a place to stay.” Sam tells him, assuming Peter’s on the verge of having a sort of coming-of-age moment.

“No, no, I need to be with May. I’ll see if I can, uh, maybe stop by more often. Maybe. If that’s alright. Nice to meet you, uh, Miss 51!” He bids farewell before walking away awkwardly, leaving Sam with a sort of sullen look on his face and you still very confused.

“What was that whole thing about?” You finally break the silence as you two make your way towards the private garage elevators.

“I’ll tell you over danishes.”

Bucky plants his fist into the HYDRA soldier’s face for the sixth time, the sound of metal hitting flesh making a slushy sound with little clanks, signifying teeth hitting the floor.

“This is the last time I ask you before I kill you. Where is Bychkov, Morozov, and that fuck with metal arms?” He pants beneath the black mask and goggles, an outfit he hadn’t dawned in so long.

Your list is heavy in his pocket, he thinks about the names he’s already crossed off and few he has left. He’s not going to stop until he finds the handlers that captured you and the supposed soldier with metal arms that shot you, details you only mentioned to him once after a nightmare that he refused to ever forget.

“They… went back… to base… in Kiev. Just… north of it.” He struggles out.

One step closer. Bucky stands taller, letting the man slump on the ground, and he reaches for the knife at his thigh.

“Wait! I - I told you… where they went!”

“I was going to kill you whether you told me or not, you Nazi fuck.” Is all he says before he slashes the knife, ending the bastard’s life.

Leaving the man’s home, he rounds a corner into the night and replaces his knife, taking out a pen in one of his many pockets as well as your list.

He crosses off Antonov, looking down at the four remaining names, two of which were the men that did this to you.

He takes a breath, the layers of leather and kevlar straining over his muscles as he sighs. He never thought he’d be hunting people down like this, Nazi or not. He never thought he’d have this black mask and these goggles over his eyes. But he also never thought HYDRA would touch the love of his life the way they did; never thought they’d put you in that chair.

So, now, he’s only getting revenge. It’s the least he can do after this organization has stolen his life, kept him from seeing his family forever, took his arm, gave him PTSD, gave his girlfriend PTSD and injected her with who knows what only to put her in that goddamn chair.

While he never thought he’d be in this position, they asked for it, and he’s not sorry.

On to the next name.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfictions #marvel #bucky barnes series #idk if yall know this but i love spiderman #my fav marvel character #love him more than bucky i just don't read or write for him for some reason idk i just never got into that #and the new spiderman is coming out in december !#i slowly want to incorporate characters into c2c #like i added wanda and plan to write a oneshot or two delving into her and reader meeting and getting to know each other #and then the loki series comes out in june so maybe ill play w that #im just not sure if ill adapt c2c to fatws #depends where it goes and how it ends #we'll see #anyway #yall know u can always send ideas or requests for me to play around with #thanks for reading if you made it this far

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albatris · 4 years

Note

ik this is probably an inappropriate question to ask but i deal with stpd and just recently discovered this. Previously thought it was just depression/anxiety but ive been on like 7 antidepressants/2 of which were more geared towards anxiety. I was wondering if you take any meds or have any advice you might recommend. Id really appreciate it. Im running out of ideas lol.( Sorry to bother and thank you)

nah you’re all good, I don’t have any problem with questions like this n I’m happy to share any experiences of mine that people might find useful!! though in this case idk how much help I’ll be, sorry D:

mostly about meds but my bad for goin on a whole ramble in the middle about therapy?? I talk a lot and have trouble staying on topic

'cause meds n therapy both have been useful to me but both probably would've been pretty useless without the other

under cut for personal rambles

so I was in the same boat as you for several years, I was in treatment for depression and anxiety and then borderline later on, way way way before anyone landed on schizotypal

as such I’ve been obviously dealing with stpd symptoms for basically my whole life but I only got diagnosed early last year n it’s the first time I’ve been. like. actually in any sort of therapy that addresses it properly and I’m still getting a feel for it

in terms of meds, I’ve been on a whole slew of different antidepressants, didn’t find one that worked until I was maybe 18 or 19? so I’ve been on the highest dose mirtazapine since then....... helps with that kinda baseline anxiety background hum, helps with obsessions and guilt spirals..... I didn’t think it did much for depression until I tried coming off it??

like, it gave me a slight boost in terms of energy and motivation, not a huge one, but definitely noticeable once it was gone

but yeah, it was kinda..... yeah, this med is about as helpful as I’m gonna get, so I decided to stick with it. I recently have considered coming off it ‘cause the sedation was a nightmare, but that’s on hold for the time being

I’ve been on two different antipsychotics, first quetiapine, which did absolutely nothing and was even more sedating on top of the mirtazapine, and currently I’m starting on aripiprazole. still on a super low dose, but working up to something that will hopefully ease some psychotic symptoms. side effects of insomnia and nausea but eased off mostly after the first week

but yeah, I haven’t really had much experience with antipsychotics or how helpful they are yet, atm I’m gonna wait and see whether there’s any real positive effects

but meds are super hard to give advice about, ‘cause different ones work for different folks, what works for me might not for you, what works for you might be something I tried and hated, etc etc etc, y’know

honestly the most helpful thing for me has been therapy, I’ve pretty much been in therapy since I was like 5 and I’ve done a lot of it

meds might be helpful to some people on their own but for me I think they would have been mainly useless without some form of therapy

meds kinda helped with some of the “edges” ie, the resulting depression and anxiety of the personality disorder, hopefully will help with some psychotic symptoms too, therapy has also helped with some of these issues on the edges, and I’m currently addressing some of the more specifically schizotypal core issues, although I will likely have to continue doing the work on those issues for most of my life

if you have a good doctor who listens to you, if you want to continue trying out meds then you might still find one that helps you out! I don’t really have a lot of advice here, because the effects can be so different from person to person. but I’ve found that meds only help on a really small scale, they kind of take a little bit of the weight off but it’s still a whole lot of heavy lifting on my own

so therapy was real good for some of that stuff too, skills for easing some of the load. therapy for me involved Other People, but for others it could involve other resources, such as online workbooks n that kind of thing....... ‘cause I know personally for me I fuckin HATE meeting new people and having to bare my soul for them, so therapy gets. interesting

and I know therapy is not realistic for some folks (and also not what this question was about but I’m just rambling now)

n I know especially that that shit gets fucking HARD when any sort of psychosis and paranoia is involved, in terms of stpd, I flat out refused to speak about certain symptoms with professionals due to paranoia and fear, and had a lot of issues trying to come into a therapy environment and immediately having complete strangers be like “ok tell me about what’s up”

like, no???? fuck off?? I don’t even know you??

n until recently all my therapies where only tangentially useful as a schizotypal, like, I did a bunch of social anxiety stuff which helped with some of the surface level day-to-day social anxiety (not so much the more deep-seated stpd social anxiety, that whole “it gets worse the closer you get to people” type, very fun), I did a lot of work around depression and suicidal urges and goals and meaningful living and whatnot, I did DBT which also encompassed a lot of work on interpersonal skills and handling dissociation and paranoia

n like. some of it was helpful? none of it got to the core of the issue or addressed what I really needed to address

I got super lucky with my current psychiatrist in that she was someone I already knew for around a year and a half beforehand ‘cause she helped out in my DBT group therapy. so I was able to get a feel for what kind of person she was beforehand and got to find my feet in trusting her in a more distanced context before entering one on one therapy. she also specialises in personality disorders and was the one who actually diagnosed me so it wasn’t like she was like “oh you’re definitely schizotypal, I’m gonna just pan you off to someone more experienced now” which was nice

she’s also the one who’s helping me out with meds currently

but ya, therapy can be A Lot, ‘specially for schizotypals who tend to isolate and get uncomfy in those vulnerable scenarios. in order to make the most out of it I have to practice an extremely uncomfortable sort of “radical openness” which is like..... well, I’ve spent most of my life being miserable and unhappy and feeling trapped and stuck in these patterns, and this has gotten me nowhere, in order for something to change I need to be radically open about my experiences

which gets HARD because the knee-jerk reaction to paranoia and delusions is often to pull back and isolate, and often I’ve struggled with the idea that it’s not “safe” to speak about certain things or that something bad will happen if I do

so it’s difficult, but I have to continually commit myself to being open and placing myself in intensely uncomfortable scenarios, getting used to the idea of trust being An Action, and practicing trust even when I don’t necessarily Feel It

that’s been a really helpful outlook for me and the only thing that’s kept me involved with therapy and meds and treatment. idk if it’ll be useful to others. I also know that some therapists and psychiatrists are shit and being radically open with the wrong people can be a nightmare

but it’s something that applies in my other relationships too and with my relationship to myself, so. *shrug emoji*

but yeah. that’s been what’s helpful for me

meds do a little bit of the work, but honestly I still have to pull a fuckload of the weight on my own, I kinda got to the point with meds where I was just like “ok this is obviously as good as it’s gonna get” and just stuck with it......... which is kind of a bummer of an answer

ik that kinda turned into a whole unrelated ramble in the middle there but I hope this kinda answers a bit of your question maybe or maybe not ‘cause I don’t really know what I’m doing

but also

I hope you have a nice day

#sorry this is such a rambling wishy-washy answer #tl;dr meds r good but sometimes shit. therapy is good but sometimes shit #like both have probably been really instrumental to me in learning how to manage my symptoms #but also #both can be a nightmare #also idk if this made any sense at all it's a bit of an all-over-the-place response #n bits of it aren't really relevant i don't think #schizotypal #Anonymous

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kryptored · 5 years

Text

She’s Shady and Sketchy...(2)

I’m back. I really want to thank everyone for the feedback I received for part 1 of SSaS. The amount of notes I got was phenomenal, I almost couldn't believe it. Really, thank you everyone.

Now, about part 2 - the typos during the group chat portion are as intended, because it’s not a group chat if no one’s screwing up what they're saying. I know they're supposed to speak French so, the formatting of their words are different, but I'm referencing the use of English in - you all get the point, right? Je ne parle pas français; I’ve only finished the elementary course. I tried to make it look authentic, but we’ll see. Also, a shout-out to @writingishfanonsideblog for pointing out the pun (you have no idea how long I was waiting for someone to see that).

PART 2:...when she goes on and raves

In a room above the Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie

Marinette is severely stressed. At the moment, she is reminding herself that she needs a break from everything – being Ladybug and the new Guardian, keeping up with her commissions, helping out at the bakery, being the class representative, etc. Clearly, it was somewhat working as Adrien could see from his position. He watches the girl lying down on his lap as he treads his fingers through her soft, dark hair. Her eyes are closed in content (kind of), the lines on her forehead slowly melting away. He smiles lopsidedly as he notices her cute nose crinkle and wiggle every few seconds, her lips in a pout as her mind continues to spew thoughts and ideas inside her mind. He reaches out a finger to boop her nose and says, “Hey, I can hear you thinking. You’re supposed to relax.”

Marinette opens her eyes, her brows even more furrowed. “And I told you that I can’t help it.” She tries to swat his hand that hovers over her face. Adrien laughs as he avoids her hand, returning to combing through her hair. She closes her eyes again and tries to go back to her halfway-decent relaxed state that Adrien so often made fun of her for. Oh, did she mention they’ve gotten closer?

To her amazement, Adrien had finally understood the extent of what Lila was doing. It was quite awkward at first, what with how Marinette was struggling to keep her composure in front of the same person she had fallen in love with beyond his looks. Adrien, on the other hand, was starting to realize that Marinette is someone so precious to him that he would do anything to help her, even if it meant he had to grow a backbone or two. It was working, thankfully, and had not backlashed on him. He had started to be less lenient with Lila’s inappropriate approach and invasion of his personal space, to which he made sure to mention to his father. For once, he felt that he was his father’s son because the day after his confession, he had found himself free of Lila’s grasp (literally and metaphorically). She was still modeling for the brand, though (to the disappointment of him and the many staff who found her performance lacking).

That did not mean the same for Marinette, though. He may have finally stood up to Lila, but Marinette was taking the brunt of her anger. Just recently, his friend told him how Lila was being more aggressive in her approaches, to the point where most of the class were starting to treat Marinette at arm’s length. They could clearly see that the class was taking sides, and it wasn’t theirs. Alya and Nino had been at the forefront of convincing him to talk sense into Marinette and giving Lila a chance. For some reason, they forgot how uncomfortable and mortified he felt whenever the latter came close to him without his permission. They weren’t that close, let alone friends. They were working the same job, at most. Physical contact was definitely not acceptable when he says so.

THE GOOD KIDS (11)

It’syagirlALYA: Hey, Lila. good to hear you’re doing fine, girl!

DeLila: I just don’t want to worry everyone.

It’syagirlALYA: It’s okay, don’t worry about it.

rose-pink: that’s right, Lila!

DeLila: anyway, about what I said…

I just really think that marinette needs to be…

Controlled.

jabberwocky: controlled? She’s not an animal.

sea-monkey: yeah, it kinda sounds…

haarhs

hars

harsh

DeLila: Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. Im just saying she needs to be stopped.

She needs to know what it feels like to be bullied.

brainf.Art: Hey, I think destroying her sketchbook is too much. I wouldn’t do the

same if another person, especially an artist, was being mean to me.

Jules: Nath’s right. If Marinette’s gone that bad, we shouldn’t stoop so low.

rose-pink: We’d be the bullies!

jabberwocky: besides, she already knows what it feels like to be bullied.

Remember chloé?

DeLila: Oh, Im not saying we bully her. Just, I dunno, give her a warning?

It’syagirlALYA: How bout this, lila: we try to keep you 2 apart as much as

possible.

DeLila: But…what if it doesn’t work? Or I just approach her again to really try be

friends with her?

It’syagirlALYA: Look, girl – we’ve known Mari for a long time. Well, more so the

others, but yo get the point.

kneeknow: what Alya means is that you let us handle it for oyu.

sunflower: that way, no one fights anyone.

DeLila: Oh, that’s a nice idea.

sun: Yeah, it is.

DeLila: Anyway, I was wondering if one of you could help me with our math

homework? I was just os distracted thinking about the charity Ive been

doing with Prince Ali on Tuesday that I wanst able to concentrate.

Maximus: I believe I can be of assistance.

DeLila: Thanks, Max! do you think you could send me a copy? It’s just, my mom

wants me to attend some very important meetings so, I won’t really have

much time.

Maximus: Oh. I suppose so, yes.

DeLila: Great!

It’syagirlALYA: Maybe you should take a break now.

sea-monkey: Sleeep.

Jules: Rest.

DeLila: Um, why?

Am I bothering all of you now?

rose-pink: No!

sunflower: it’s just, you said your head was hurting a while ago and we don’t

want to make it come back

rose-pink: or wrse!

worse.

sun: yeah

DeLila: Oh! Right.

I’ll see everyone tomorrow, then?

It’syagirlALYA: Sure.

kneeknow: Yeah.

DeLila: Bye, everyone!

jabberwocky: Yup, bye.

sea-monkey: See ya.

brainf.Art: bey.

bye.

sunflower: bye!

sun: bye.

Jules: yeah, bye.

rose-pink: bye-bye!

Maximus: Good-bye.

HOLD THE EFF UP (10)

It’syagirlALYA: I just had a realization.

Lila kept claiming she’s Ladybug’s bff, but that kinda sounds iffy

kneeknow: what makes you sya that, Als?

It’syagirlALYA: I never relly got a chance to ask LB herself but…

why would someone like lila deliberately tell me, the

LABYBLOGGER

That she’s Paris’s superheroine’s bff, knowing that Hawkmoth

could easily use her against LB?!

jabberwocky: holy sh*t, youre right!

sea-monkey: I may not be the smartest, but even I know that’s dumb.

rose-pink: which means Lila is inn danger!

Maximus: as seen during Animan hunting you down.

Sea-monkey: MAX!

It wasn’t my best moment, okay?

sunflower: and her family!

Jules: she’s not in danger…

brainf.Art: Juleka!

Jules: let me finish: she’s not in danger, she put herself in danger.

sun: does that mean lila’s not really friends with ladybug?

It’syagirlALYA: guess I’ll have to hunt down LB if we want to find out ourselves.

brainf.Art: what if ladybug deflecting about it is just a tactic to protect her?

Jules: I’ll do you one better: why didn’t lila know better than telling other people

something tha could be passed on to HM

No offence, Alya.

It’syagirlALYA: none taken.

kneeknow: Juleka’s right. It’s one thing when LB pretends she doesn’t know

someone for safety reasons. It’s another when you don’t know who

could possibly be listening or watching the interview and they plan

to do with it.

sun: wasn’t there something on the news about someone claiming to be Chat’s

girlfriend who ended up being kidnapped by an akuma as bait?

sea-monkey: ooh! I remememember that!

Maximus: She was heavily reprimanded by Ladybug and Chat Noir, not to

mention her parents for endangering herself.

jabberwocky: hey Alya, weren’t there somepoeple who tried to call her out on

the interview?

It’syagirlALYA: who? The girl ivan was talking about?

jabberwocky: No.

I mean Lila.

Maximus: Alix is correct. I seem to recall about 27% of your comment section

filled with doubts and proclamations of disbelief.

It’syagirlALYA: I think this calls for another meeting. But this time, for different

reasons.

Come tomorrow morning, 10 people in class had a wary look in their eyes. Lila had yet to arrive, but asides from them, Chloé and Sabrina were already seated and talking about whatever it was that had them busy yesterday. Along the front rows, Marinette is seen to be chatting excitedly with Adrien. Now that they think about it, they hadn’t realized when exactly those two got comfortable and closer together (particularly Marinette). After all, it wasn’t much of a secret except for Adrien that the girl had a huge crush on the model. Alya and Nino, mostly, were very confused on how they missed the development on the interaction between their best friends. But before any of them could comment on the newly discovered development, the real person who had been running on their minds had finally arrived.

“Hi, everyone! It’s so good to see you all this wonderful morning.” They never really thought much about it, but Lila always did have this overly sweet tone. It was different compared to Rose’s own way of talking. “I’m glad to announce that nothing too bad came off from my head injury, but I want to also let you know that I got…”

Huh. Not that they didn’t care about the well-being of others, but Lila always did have a way of putting a lot of attention on her. But really, for how long and how much she’d told them, it was too hard to ignore that she always did talk about herself.

“…I could also introduce you guys to…”

Introductions. Hm… well, that was one word they were well acquainted with. There wasn’t one a time they hadn’t heard Lila mention someone new and promise introducing them. it wasn’t that they were using her for her ‘connections,’ but she could at least try to avoid making promises she would suddenly forget about.

Their eyes narrow down on her, following her every move while she is none the wiser of the sudden change of how they see her. Things hadn’t been easy after the short meeting among those in attendance. Doubt had been planted among their minds and initially, none of them knew whether to weed it out or to water it with curiosity. Lila, thinking she has their trust still, goes on and raves of the many things she’s supposedly done.

Lila approaches the one person she knows is her greatest ‘fan,’ Alya, and proceeds to shower her with the many tales she had spun that involved name droppings and not-so-subtle self-praise. She goes on, thinking that all is well, but the others are actually more inclined to observe the same person they once believed at the drop of her hat. They are listening to her words carefully, only this time with more awareness.

TAGS:

@animergirlweeb @sturchling @plsltmesleep @theyellowfeverexperience @rudy-ruby @j-a-n-e--d-o-e @queenmj10 @krispydefendorpolice @the-delta-42

Is that everyone?

#ml fanfic #lila salt #anti lila #miracuclass #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #miraculous ladybug #the class finally using their brain cells #and a hint of adrienette #SSAS fanfic

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just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years

Text

ONE HUNDRED EIGHT - ALIVE

LEGACY: A Tony Stark Daughter Story

MASTERLIST

< previous

Word Count: 2,200ish

Summary: Tony is found alive. Bailey’s body gives out. (Apologizes because Endgame is very gif heavy.)

About two and a half weeks later, Carol had left to go search for Tony, Peter, and Dr. Strange, to see if any of them had survived, since I had yet to see them in my visions. I hadn’t talked since the day Carol showed up, but I was moving around a bit more. Only around my room, but it was an improvement. Pepper basically lived in my room with me and when Steve wasn’t trying to put the pieces of the world back together, he was in there as well. I was laying in bed when the compound began rattling. I got up and went over to the windows to see a glowing dot underneath a ship. I noticed Steve, who had obviously recently shaved, Pepper, Rhodey, Bruce, Nat, and Rocket exiting the compound and walk across the grass. I quickly rushed out behind them, making sure to go unnoticed. As the ship came closer, I realized that Carol was carrying the space ship. Literally carrying. I watched, frozen in my spot, as Pepper and Steve stepped in front of everyone as Carol set down the ship. Carol nodded to Cap as the stairs lowered, causing me to cry at the sight it revealed.

He was extremely skinny and sickly looking and was being helped by a blue robotic looking lady. But it was definitely him. My father, Tony Stark, was alive. Barely. Steve quickly ran up when he noticed Tony was struggling to kept himself up as the blue lady helped him down.

“I couldn’t stop him,” Tony grimly stated as he gripped onto Steve for support.

“Neither could I,” Steve replied.

“I lost the kid.”

The kid. Peter. He was gone. My tears came much faster. The boy I felt was my brother turned to dust. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

“Tony, we lost.”

“Is umm—“

“Oh my gosh!” Pepper exclaimed as she rushed up and wrapped her arms around him, the initial shock of seeing him finally wearing off.

“Pep… It’s okay,” Tony reassured.

They kissed each other’s cheeks and held each other close for a bit. Pepper then moved to his right and Steve took hold of his left and began to bring him towards the compound.

“Wher—“ Tony swallowed, looking at Pepper. “Where’s our daughter? Where’s Bailey?” Panic began to run through Tony. I could feel it.

“She’s in—“ Pepper started before I cut her off.

“Dad,” I sobbed. Everyone turned to me, no one had noticed me yet and were all shocked and happy to see me out of my room. “You’re alive.”

I ran towards him and wrapped him up in my arms. His body was not the body I was used to wrapping my arms around, but it was still him. He was in my arms. Alive and safe. I cried into his chest.

“Oh honey,” he gently kissed my head. “I’m here. I’m right here, kid… I’m so sorry.”

“Bailey,” Bruce interrupted after a moment. “We need to get him inside.”

I nodded as I slowly let go and took Steve’s place at my father’s side. We got him into the Med-Bay where Bruce was quick to get started on helping Tony get his strength back. He was lying down in a hospital bed with Pepper and I sitting on one side, Bruce working on the other, and the others outside watching. As Bruce put an IV in Tony’s arm, I began to feel light headed. For some reason, moving so much made it harder for me to control all the overwhelming emotions that I was being bombarded with. I leaned forward, setting my head in my hands, and began rocking back and forth.

“Bailey,” Pepper quietly said as she set a hand on my back. She didn’t want Tony to hear and worry. “What can I do to help you?”

“Nothing,” I shook my head. “Just give me a minute…”

“You need to get some food in you. It will help. I can send one of the others—“

“Mom,” I called a bit louder. “I’m—“

“What’s going on?” Tony wondered, interrupting me, as he turned his head to face us.

“Nothing,” I insisted as I stood up. “I just need some fresh air.” I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

I hurried out of the room, passed the crowd of heroes, and outside the doors to the courtyard. While making my way outside, I tried my hardest to keep my balance. My head started to spin and I was afraid that I was going to pass out in front of everyone. I began to realize that I needed to work harder at learning to work through and control my powers. I stood with my back to the door, one arm across my chest, and the other arm up, holding my head in its hand.

“Pull yourself together, Bailey,” I whispered to myself. “He’s back. He’s alive… Things are going to work out… You can block it all out… Feel it all out…”

“Bailey?” Steve’s voice came from behind me.

“Steve,” I practically whimpered, squeezing my eyes shut to try to gain control of what I was feeling.

“What is it?” He quickly made his way in front of me. “What’s wro— Bailey, your nose is bleeding!” I opened my eyes while putting my hand up to my nose. I looked down at my hand to see blood. Steve reached out to hold onto me.

“Don’t!” I exclaimed. “We don’t know what could happen.”

“We have to get you inside. Have Bruce look at you.”

“Okay,” I slowly nodded. I moved to turn around but became too dizzy and started to sway. “Steve, I—“ But I cut off as soon as I passed out and hit the ground.

“Bailey!” Steve shouted as he rushed to my side. He scooped me up in his arms and hurried inside. “Bruce! Anyone! I need help.” Rocket and Rhodey were the first to respond.

“What the hell happened to her?” Rocket asked. “And why is she bleeding?”

“We need to get her to Bruce,” Rhodey said, ushering Steve towards the room that Bruce was in with Tony and Pepper. As they were coming up to the room, Tony was the first to notice.

“Bailey!” He shouted, as loud as his tired voice would let him, from inside the room. Pepper quickly looked up and Bruce turned to look at Steve carrying unconscious me in his arms. Bruce rushed out of the room.

“Set her down here,” he directed as he pointed to the couch. “What happened?”

“I really don’t know,” Steve responded as he set me down. “I was just checking on her. She kept swaying and it seemed like she could have been in pain. I told her when she had started bleeding and I urged her to get inside, but she wouldn’t let me touch her. Then she just passed out.”

Bruce felt my pulse. “Her heart rate’s erratic. We need to get an IV in her now.”

“Already on it,” Nat said as she entered the room with the necessary medical supplies.

“Bruce?” Tony shouted from inside the room he was in. Pepper was doing her best to keep him in bed. “Somebody tell me what’s going on! That’s my kid you’re working on!”

Rhodey and Pepper shared a look. Rhodey nodded to her for comfort before Pepper repositioned Tony’s hand in hers and looked at the struggling man. She knew that he needed to know what I had been doing to myself.

“Tony,” she kindly said. “You should probably know what’s been going on with Bailey since you left.”

She then began to tell Tony about what had happened after he left with Peter on the space ship. That Bruce brought me back to the compound and that I had locked myself up. Pepper told him that I went to Wakanda with them to fight and that I had seen glimpses of what was happening to him. It really hurt him when he heard that I was seeing glimpses of what was happening to him on Titan as I was fighting. That I had to see that.

“After…” Pepper took a deep breath before she continued. “After the fight was over and people had disappeared, she began to feel the emotions of everyone who had survived.”

“Like everyone on the team? Everyone in the world?” Pepper didn’t answer and just sadly looked down at their intertwined hands. “How many people are we talking here Pep?”

“The universe.” Tony took a harsh breath in. “She couldn’t handle it. She passed out. She basically became catatonic for four days, until Carol showed up. Then she only moved around her room. Today’s the first time she’s been out of there since then.

“She hasn’t really been eating, has she?”

Pepper shook her head. “Steve and I could coaxed her into taking little bites here and there.”

“Steve?”

“Hasn’t willingly left her side since they came back. I don’t know where they stand relationship wise though… I haven’t exactly been able to ask her.”

Tony’s jaw clenched. “And her powers?”

“From what we could tell, she’s been overpowered by them. It was all too much. The whole universe, at least who’s left, she could feel them all.”

While the two were talking, Bruce was working on me. Making sure my IV was giving me everything I had been lacking for the past 3 weeks. Steve and Rhodey were standing a few feet a way, arms crossed, watching Bruce carefully work on me. Nat was on the couch with me, cradling my head in her lap.

“He’s home,” Rhodey said, breaking the silence. “That’s what did it.”

“Just like you said,” Nat responded.

“Between the lack of proper nutrition and, what I think is, the overwhelming emotions that she’s feeling, I’m surprised she’s still breathing,” Bruce informed everyone in the room. “Physically, though, she’ll be okay. Her healing is beginning to work faster now that the IV is giving her what she’s been lacking.”

“What was with the bleeding?” Rocket asked.

“It was almost supernatural,” Nat stated.

“I can’t tell,” Bruce answered. “Probably just other way her body is struggling to handle everything."

Steve sighed and looked into the room Tony and Pepper were currently in. “Someone should talk to them.” He wanted to be the one to, but he knew that Tony wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet.

“I’ve got it,” Rhodey said as he made his way into the room my parents were in.

Nat began stroking my hair out of my face. As she did that, she touched my forehead and I accidentally sent a memory to her. One of the visions I had seen of Tony fighting off Thanos. She watched Tony get stabbed. She gasped loudly as she quickly pulled her hand back.

“What? What is it?” Steve quickly asked.

“She…” Nat hesitated, “She saw what happened to Tony. I-I just saw a part of it too.” Nat looked up at Steve with sad eyes. “She shouldn’t have to be forced into seeing things like that… She watched her father get stabbed…” Nat turned and looked at Tony. “I watched him get stabbed.” She said a bit quieter, finally realizing just how much Tony had been through in space. She turned to Steve and watched as he nervously kept his eyes on me. “You need to try harder to be there for her.”

Steve looked down and sighed. “Like what? I’ve tried to be there for her but I never know with her. Sometimes she wants my help and other times she refuses it.”

“Maybe instead of talking, or even being in the same room as her, you could leave notes or food or even a change of clothes? Like how you used to?”

“Maybe…”

“I know things aren’t what they once were. But we’re all going to need a sense of normal once again. Maybe this could be what helps you both."

Before Steve could reply, Rhodey walked out of the other room. “He wants to see her,” he told everyone.

“Steve, go get another hospital bed and roll it in here,” Bruce instructed.

Steve nodded and left quickly. Once he was back with the bed, him and Nat carefully set me on it. They rolled me into the other room, right next to Tony. Tony forced his weak body to turn on its side to look at me.

“Oh, sweetie…” he whispered as he reached for my hand.

Once he touched my hand, I got into his head. I saw everything that had happened, through his eyes. Watching Peter turn to dust was the worst of it. As well as the three weeks he and the blue lady, Nebula, were stuck on the ship before Carol rescued them.

After they had finished playing in my head, I realized that my physical body was still too weak to wake up but I wanted to talk to him. I needed to talk to him. I fully jumped into his head, causing him to pass out as well.

next >

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flightofaqrow · 4 years

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Meta: Road to Recovery

OKAY SO

Yesterday, @ littleblackqrow made this excellent post about Qrow hitting rock bottom in vol 6, [< that’s a link to it, my blog isn’t always great with identifying that] which breaks down:

Him being forced to literally face the consequences of his actions in regards to drinking.

Him not dealing with frustration or lack of direction well.

The rising tensions of his interpersonal relationships, people starting to lose patience with and call him on his bs, especially as he gets worse.

How important his relationship with Ruby is and not wanting to put that at risk.

Beautiful. The good stuff. Go read it if you haven’t.

But I also present to you another nuance that affected his descent and ultimate decisions: a complete blowout identity crisis.

This got long so I’m going to try and separate it into phases.

I. Loss of Identity

"I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world. I thought I was finally doing some good."

When Ozpin’s secret is revealed, Qrow’s reaction is to believe his entire purpose for the last 20+ years was working towards something that was never really a complete plan and probably doomed from the start. None of it mattered: The work STRQ put in. His choosing the opposite side of his own sister. Losing Summer. All the spying, fighting. The whole idea of having huntsman to begin with and all the effort he put in to be one of the best. All of the things he didn’t do instead.

In one fell swoop he loses his whole identity.

On top of finding out one of his most trusted people not only kept secrets, but lied to him - someone he’s likely stood up for and defended with bared teeth and is now finding out those other people were right. On top of what is still coming that has to be faced and all the lives in danger.

Ruby is right to be worried he won't take it well. Who would?

II. Rock Bottom

It's why even the apathy scene where he knows he fucked up isn't enough. The whole situation still feels hopeless. He still feels empty. Oh, and let's add on finding out his own hero and inspiration was one of the ones who gave up and ran away.

[Aside: When they were riding in the cart and Maria said “especially when some of you are clearly stronger already” I’m pretty sure that included Qrow. Look at him through her eyes! A huntsman 40+ who’s dedicated his whole life to the occupation, and even though it’s clearly taken a toll and he struggles, he’s still out there fighting the good fight to the bitter end like you’re supposed to!! She can’t be only talking about the young ones being skilled.]

So rock bottom hits.

But.

"If you think you can keep up with us kids, we’d be happy to have you."

Eventually we have the scene where Ruby stands up to him and offers him a new place at her side. She’s too smart for her own good. Even if it’s subconscious and intuitively, she knows what he needs. Maria’s still there, too. Still means something to him, and she reinforces this idea, coaxing him to make better choices:

"Guess you didn't give her enough credit either."

The seed’s been planted, but he's still too stuck in his own head and guilt to see it yet.

III. Breaking Down and Building Back Up

This finally culminates in his breakdown when the airship abduction plan starts falling apart:

“Every choice I've ever made has led me here, and I've dragged you along with me. Oz, myself, the others... We're responsible for the mess the world's in now. I shouldn't have come, shouldn't have let any of you come... What was I thinking?!”

Hopefully, this hits a little bit different now. It’s not just semblance-based guilt or even recognizing his recent failings. It’s everything crashing down around him. Literally every choice he’s made.

But then Ruby absolves him. [wow look at what can happen when you actually talk about stuff.] She steps up as her own person and a full on leader for the group, and finally, finally frees him from everything up until now; even this self-imposed intermediate job of being the responsible adult. And then once more reminds him of who he is and that there is still a fresh start to be his own person. She uses his full name for a reason.

“We could still use Qrow Branwen on our side.”

So he chooses to join the fight. Because of course he does.

He’s Qrow Branwen.

The huntsman who does what’s right.

IV. Staying Sober

So when all is said and done, and they’re winding down from the battle, and he goes for a drink, it isn't just not wanting to worry Ruby that stops him. He can’t even see her face. [Although, saying "just don't go giving me heart attacks like that again" aloud does, I think, finally cause the immediate flash of insight / irony that Ruby probably feels the same way about him, and is definitely a factor]. It's not even him confronting or atoning for his actions.

No, this moment is him making the transition from being Oz's spy (when it was all fun and games and he could get away with stuff because he was that good and worked alone), to realizing that if he's going to take on this new role as a committed support for RWBY + ORNJ (in a deadly war with uncertain and changing tactics, against an unkillable being), then, I need to be sharper. I need to be more present. I need to be a better me.

This is him looking right down the mouth of his flask and deciding for himself to leave it in the past with Ozpin and his own former identity, and to instead move forward and grow alongside everyone else.

Yesterday’s post made the beautiful observations of Ruby’s expressions during this scene, but let’s look at Qrow.

[I’m busy having a personal crisis, don’t touch me.]

[Well, I guess it’s okay.]

V. Bonus Round

And let me point out that once more, at the end of the battle, Maria reinforces him, this time by validating his performance in this new standby and support function. [Which is also probably closer to what he was used to being in STRQ, and more comfortable for him.]

“You weren't half bad yourself today, Qrow.”

This is self indulgent but I’M ADDING IT ON BECAUSE THIS SCENE BLOWS MY MIND, OK!! ALL WITHIN 40 SECONDS WE SEE:

Qrow being validated.

Qrow talking about his feelings.

Qrow accepting a compliment with poise.

Qrow genuinely relaxing and smiling.

BECAUSE OF MARIA!!!!

VI. Some extra asides

1. I think this all is part of why we see such a spike of bird form in vol 6 as well. Besides just making more sense than other battles maybe, since it’s something at a cliffside and tall forest, it's all he has left at that point. Ozpin and prior orders lost his respect. He lost the group's respect. He's already given the kids all the information he has. He's barely feeling useful as a huntsman. But here [man, the hope and pride in his voice when he says "you're not the only one who can get a bird's eye view" !!], here is this one thing that's special that he can still do and offer that no one else in the group can!! So he relies on it a little more than he normally would just to feel worthwhile.

2. SEE SECTION V - CLOVER YOU ABSOLUTE DOLT. Qrow’s already demonstrated all the things you’re trying to say he needs to work on. HE’S ONLY DEFLECTING AND FLUSTERED BECAUSE IT’S YOU SAYING THE THINGS!!! I don’t understand how the ship isn’t approached more from this direction instead of wanting Clover to be that development for him, but I always tend to handle ships differently I guess.

3. Expanding on that, Clover helped him have a fresh start with a new person to start feeling out this new self, and maybe work through some baggage. But I really think Qrow and this decision is stronger than to relapse much, if any, over the loss of him. I don't think he blames himself as much as some seem to believe either (yet another separate post), but even if he ends up with a bunch of guilt in vol 8, going sober was never about any resolution of his semblance or friend troubles. BUT at the same time stress is still stress so we'll see.

I feel like Nora running out of breath, bless you if you stuck with this the whole way.

#rwby #qrow branwen #rwby meta #rwby volume 6 #long post #* behind closed doors = ooc *#* gotta look inside / a little introspection = character development *#* hey don't get mad cause i'm right = headcanon *#* legends and stories; some of them true; some made up = meta *

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clownkiwi · 4 years

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my lengthy-ass post on game development and game release

yeaaaaa, ive been thinking about this for the past hour or so, and especially thinking about what my friends and other young people have talked about, i just decided to type out my feelings and thoughts about game development and game releases in terms of hyped up indie games (like silksong & deltarune chapter 2 + beyond)

but since this will be a huge post, im just gonna put it under a “read more” thing. if you wanna hear my thoughts on this, you can click the link below (this is basically comparable to a video essay ig)

but if you want a tldr, what my thoughts are is that dont give your hopes up on silksong, deltarune, & any other games releasing like very soon since you gotta take content implementation, bug testing/polishing, translations, porting, marketing, & announcements into consideration

with all that said, lets begin

so i remember talking to my friends a while ago about some of the most hyped up games release dates. you know, stuff like hollow knight: silksong or deltarune chapter 2+. especially after the updates given out by each developer/team recently, people are getting very excited to try out these games very soon this very year.

and by very soon, i mean like silksong (the full entire game) coming out THIS MONTH, and the entirety of deltarune (chapter 2 & however many chapters toby fox has planned) for THIS SUMMER IN ONE PACKAGE!!!

which, when i heard these, i thought they were all too good to be true! in fact, they’re all too good to be true. silksong DEFINITELY won’t come out this month, and i know for a Fact deltarune, the full package, won’t be out by this summer. and of course, that’s because of one thing that alot of us took for granted in terms of game development: the finalized touches.

before i go on, i just want to make this very clear: i am not a game design major. im not even in the industry. if anything, im an illustration major (currently), and all of what im gonna say is what i picked up from what other game devs have talked about and from other creative media industries (movie & tv show industry precisely). this is also really just speculation and opinionated, really the main point of this whole post is that you shouldn’t bet on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon from very easy theories and crazy misunderstandings on video game development, i am just giving out my own thoughts on when the game could possibly release (but tbf, i could be very wrong and we could get silksong out this month & the entirety of deltarune this summer. i don’t feel like we will, but it could be very possible and this whole post would be absolutely worthless)

now, i know tons of young people going into game development majors or want to be in the industry have tons of respect for the game development process. and thats good!!! im glad they have respect for the people actually making the content for the game and developing the full package. however, people usually take the finalized touches, imo, for granted more than the actual content development.

because how did people come to the conclusion about silksongs & deltarunes release date so soon???

from what i’ve heard from my friends and other people, silksong should come out this month to coincide with the anniversary of hollow knight, and because “team cherry is bad at marketing and releasing a game”

and with deltarune’s (the full package) release date, that was taking the whole game into consideration, and people’s speculation that deltarune would just be 4 chapters and that the whole thing will be released as one big package instead of episodic, despite the marketing of deltarune “chapter 1″

now, these sound a little bit reasonable. i mean, its been a while since we heard of them back in 2019 and 2018 respectively, and it makes perfect sense to release silksong on hollow knight’s anniversary and deltarune as a full game This Summer.

however, i still think that’s way too good to be true, and that’s because i took a few things into consideration: content implementation, bug fixing/polishing, translation, porting, and actually releasing the game (marketing/having the game up to a releasable state, and actually releasing the game). and to put this into my perspective, i thought about mario odyssey back in 2017

if you’re a nintendo fan like me and were hyped about the nintendo switch back in 2017, then you may remember mario odyssey and the hype around that game alone. when they revealed it back in 2017, they didn’t give a release date. a day after the reveal, mario odyssey devs came out straight and said they finished the game. the game was fully completed. however, they still didn’t give a release date, they just said that they’d spend this time polishing up the game.

and, i know it’s totally unfair to compare the polishing process between nintendo games & indie games since nintendo games are very well known for their polish, so they take more time to polish a game rather than. the next call of duty game.

however, this has given me a perspective as to how long developers spent on polishing the game. if we are to take nintendo at their word back then from when they announced they finished the game to release (which was late october 2017) then that means they spent 8-9 months alone on polish and bug fixing and maybe even translation. yes, you could have a finished game with all of the content in there, and you could feasibly release it as a switch launch title in march around the same time as breath of the wild; however, the developers didn’t feel mario odyssey was ready for release.

it wasn’t until e3 2017 when they felt proud to announce the release date for mario odyssey. this is important because that means that not only were the close to finishing the polishing & bug fixing state of the game, but that means they were done with translations and ready for marketing the game out to potential consumers. they spent who knows how long on polishing (probably anywhere between 6-9 months on polishing & bug testing alone) and they probably spent around the same amount of time on marketing the game.

now, like i said, its totally unfair to compare these two different design philosophies, as one is from a huge video game conglomerate that had years of game design vs small indie studios that only released their first game in the past decade, but let’s try to put this into perspective of silksong and deltarune

with silksong, team cherry had said they had gained new experience from hollow knight, both in terms of developing the actual games themselves and releasing them. this includes developing the game, implementing the content, and finalizing everything (from bug fixing and polishing, to marketing and releasing). and in terms of how they handled hollow knight’s original release, remember. that was their first game, they were very unsure as to how to market and release a game.

after hollow knight’s success, especially on switch, however, team cherry has gained experience as to how to finalize, market and release a game at a playable, releasable state.

in my personal opinion, especially with what team cherrys marketing manager had said recently, the content is done. they’ve finished all the content for silksong (the base game) and are in the finalized state of implementing everything into the game. however, that doesn’t mean for sure the game will come out on february 24th, 2021 for steam, switch & ps4 & xbox one (maybe even ps5 & series x)

they still gotta add any finishing polish to the game, they still gotta find and fix any bugs in the game, and even when they’re confident on that regard, you still gotta take marketing into account and when’s the right time to release the game. and in that point of view, you can probably imagine it won’t be until another few months until we hear anything substantial about silksong

and especially seeing as how silksong is gonna be a switch exclusive at first, silksong could be as easily released as hollow knight’s switch port was released; as an announcement in a big event, and on that same day. which would mean we could get silksong out for the nintendo switch during e3 2021. however, i was only being easy, fair, and reasonably realistic with silksong. it could come out sooner than i thought, or even later than i thought.

now, with deltarune, i am definitely very unsure about how far that game is in development and when that game will release, especially since all we have to go off of is undertale, the demo (deltarune chapter 1), and what toby fox officially said for undertale’s 5th anniversary on famitsu & on his website.

first, let’s go off of the claims i’ve heard people say about how long this game will be. “deltarune will be 4 chapters long, because there are 4 seasons in a year like undertale and because delta is the greek number for 4.” while that sounds reasonable, why hasn’t toby fox given us a sure amount of chapters he has planned for the game?

especially considering that in his official update on his website he kept emphasizing “chapters” and “multiple chapters” and “chapters 3+”, and the fact he separated chapter 2 from chapter 3+. from his words alone, it sounds like chapter 2 will be released separately from the entire rest of the game??? but that could just be me, and people are most excited about chapter 2 more than anything, so really he could just be talking about the state of the whole game by including chapter 2 separately, especially considering the entirety of deltarune will be built off of chapter 2.

but besides my speculation on chapter 2, the fact he didn’t give a sure amount of chapter numbers, and he even specifically said on release readiness he put “0%”, that just doesn’t translate to “this game should be ready for release in the summer of 2021″, despite the fact that he said development on the game is going smoothly, even taking his physical state that hes in right now.

i personally think the game could be around 4-7 chapters long if he’s planning on implementing multiple chapters in the game, even though the first draft of the games story and dialogue has already been finished in september 2020. and even if we were to go off of deltarune being 4 chapters long, it still doesn’t feel right to say this game will be out this summer??

i personally think if the full game will be 4 chapters, i feel more confident in saying the full 4 chapter game will be out by this upcoming holiday season at the earliest, and if not then, the latest would be somewhere in the first half of 2022. and if it won’t be 4 chapters long like im guessing it would, then it could be released even later than expected. again, i’m basing this off of words taken straight from toby fox’s mouth in september 2020, things couldve obviously changed since then and i could be very wrong about when this game will come out.

but i know for a fact deltarune wont fully be released this summer, they still gotta develop the later chapters and put this game into a full package or release it episodically (even though people are confident that the game will be released in one package, i haven’t heard toby fox officially say anything about how the game will be released, just how the game has been developed so far), which of course is taking polishing/bug fixes into account, and marketing as well

i know for a fact polishing & bug fixes & even marketing wont take as long as nintendo games, but i do know they won’t be done very easily or quickly, and we still shouldn’t be too sure about when these games or any future game will come out

i guess that’s actually just the point of this whole post. unless its people with refuteable sources that have been spot on with predictions or it’s officially said from the mouths of these developers, then don’t bet on silksong or deltarune coming out so soon because of rumors or speculation

i could even be wrong about everythign that i’ve just said. im not a game major, like i said, so silksong could probably come out on february 24th, 2021, and maybe deltarune will come out this summer. i’m very sure it isn’t, but i could be wrong and know nothing about the game development process, and really toby fox’s team & team cherry are game development gods, and i’m surprised nintendo hasn’t bought them out by now so they could release splatoon 3, mario odyssey 2, mario galaxy 3, the diamond and pearl remakes, and metroid prime 4 right now /s

but yea, like i said, don’t count on silksong & deltarune coming out so soon, and maybe take the final stages of development and marketing and releasing more realistically rather than overlooking them and making unsubstantiated claims based off of speculation

#ruby says clown shit #ok thats all i wanted to say #ik at this point this is really just me rambling but i do hope you understand what i mean #again the main thing is that you shouldnt give your hopes too high on silksong & deltarune releasing so soon #and ig u could use this for any other game you're very excited about coming out #if you read the whole post however. thank you so much i didn't make any sense at all but thank you anyways #really this is all just speculation. i could be right or i could be wrong #but again just dont give your hopes up on silksong or deltarune getting released soon #and ik for a fact i left some stuff out bc i spent alot of time writing my main points #so uh. yea. thats it. idk what else to say #im just gonna post this now #if it bombs whatever. this was pointless. but if you did listen to what i had to say thank you!!!

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losingitinjersey · 5 years

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Ten days in and I’m officially in love. Erp’s (extremely detailed) birth story coming atcha below.

Friday morning I woke up after having taken my first half dose of Unisome so I got the perfect night sleep with minimal grogginess in the morning. Despite the good night sleep I felt off when I woke up. Had some loose stools and slight nausea which was weird for me. It made me take my time getting ready.

I got the pleasure of seeing Kevin in the morning because he was going in for his surgery rotation exam so he had a later start time than his recent 4am mornings. At 8:15 a.m. I was putting on a compression sock and the next thing I know I feel myself peeing/leaking on the fresh pad I just put on. This was unexpected since I literally had just gone to the bathroom and this was too much wetness for a normal bladder leak, especially since I didn’t cough/sneeze/laugh to cause it. Then some cramping started and I immediately started sobbing at the realization of what this meant and got myself to the bathroom immediately. (all while wearing still just half of one compression sock)

I had been texting with my sister that morning (since she’s the only other person awake on the east coast that I text with prior to 8a.m.), told her earlier that I felt weird so she was the first person I texted that I think my water had broken. She told me to call her immediately and she calmed me down and was so happy/excited for me. She said she’d handle calling my mom (who it was 5a.m. for in California) and told me to call the OB’s office. Mind you, Kevin is now 15 minutes into his exam and when he left that morning he said, “this will all be over in 6 hours” so I’m going into this thinking he’d be completely unreachable until 2 p.m. I text my mother-in-law, as I’m waiting for a call back from the OB, to keep her updated and she immediately calls me and tells me to call an ambulance or get an Uber and to get to the hospital asap. The fact that my pain was coming from my vagina and not lower back or abdomen had her worried and she wanted me checked out right away.

Even though I was in pain, and it was increasing, I didn’t think an ambulance was necessary so I texted my next door neighbor to see if she could drive me but she wasn’t responding. Katie, my other neighbor, was in Jamaica so she wasn’t an option. In the meantime, the OB office calls back, I describe what’s happening and she confirms that yes, I need to go to the hospital and she will meet me there. Thankfully, the woman that’s on call is my favorite person out of the entire office of 15 providers, so I’m happy it’s her (Nell, a midwife). Shortly after I hang up I order a Lyft and they were en route before I started getting myself dressed. As we had planned to do all of our last minute prep work this weekend since Kevin would finally be done with his intense surgery rotation, we didn’t have a hospital bag packed. I put on the only clothes that were clean(ish), comfy, and nearby, along with some slippers and took one last belly bump pic before locking up my house, saying goodbye to my cat (who was thoroughly freaked out due to my cries of pain), and waddling to the Lyft parked outside my house.

I tried to act cool in the car not wanting the dude to know he was transferring a woman actively in labor to the hospital but there was a good chance he was aware given how stiffly I sat in his car and how my body language read not to talk to me. Thankfully, the hospital is nearby and 15 minutes later he pulled up to the entrance and I got out of the car and started sobbing again. I walk through the hospital doors and see the single security/registration guy and tell him I’m in labor and ask where I go. He starts giving me directions and I just repeat back to him verbally and with my hand, “three?” and he confirms yes, third floor. (Surprised he didn’t grab me a wheelchair or accompany me). I make my way to the elevators, still sobbing, hit the button and head up to the third floor with a woman in scrubs also getting off on that floor. I walk out of the elevator, stop and look around at all the signs trying to figure out where to go from here. She tells me to turn left so I blindly walk that way alone. I come to a door with a button so I hit the button and am buzzed in. I’m now in a long hallway, not knowing where to go or why no one is helping this pregnant crying woman.

I come up to a desk, eyes blurred with tears and see a sign in book so I grab the pen not sure what else to do and a woman behind the counter comes up so I look up at her, tell her I’m in labor and I don’t know what to do. She then walks with me to a group of nurses and one of them walks me back into a room and has me sit down on a hospital bed, gets me a gown and talks me through a bunch of questions. At one point she makes a comment about how I haven’t gone through any classes. And I’m like, what? Lady, I’ve gone to every single one. She sounded surprised and asked why I was crying then. Um, I’m alone and going through this for the first time - I’m allowed to express how I’m feeling and that feeling is incredibly scared.

Nell comes in and checks where I’m at and it hurts really bad. She says she can’t tell how dilated I am because something about how my cervix hasn’t gone through a pregnancy before but she did say that she could feel Erp’s head. Which shocked me since at my appointment on Monday they commented about how high up the baby was. At this point, I’m then left mostly alone to go through waves of contractions, which hurt far far far worse than I ever expected, with a nurse randomly coming in and out. I’m given an IV and a few medications to curb the pain which were helpful but I definitely was still experiencing an exorbitant amount of discomfort and anguish.

Finally around 10:30 a.m. they start talking about getting me an epidural which needed to wait until I had my blood work processed. By 11 a.m. Kevin had arrived just as they started to administer my epidural. I was really glad he was there even though I was so blinded by pain that I wasn’t able to do much but grip the bed rails and ride them out. After my epidural took effect I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I had this extreme euphoria that made me forget all the pain I had just experienced. I remember even thinking to myself that it wasn’t that bad, I could totally get pregnant again asap.

I’m then checked again and to everyone’s surprise I’m already dilated to a 10. I couldn’t believe it. From what I thought labor was like I thought it would take hours upon hours if not days to get to a 10, not 3 hours. Nell has me hang out for an hour and a half while the epidural wore off so I could get some feeling back to start pushing. Around 1 p.m. I start actively pushing in spurts with the help of Kevin and the nurse. During this time, Kevin takes the 5-10 minute down times to work on completing the paper he has to submit by 4 p.m. Remember that 6 hour time frame he told me about this morning? That included writing a paper so while his test was done in 2.5 hours and he immediately came to the hospital after finishing the test and checking his phone (their phones and all belongings are kept in a separate room during exams so he didn’t realize I was in labor until after he finished the test). So he was able to write, finish and submit his paper all while helping hold my legs and coaching me through pushing. What a man!

At 4:32 p.m. I made my final push (which hurt a lot more than the rest of the pushes) and out came Erp. They placed this warm, slimy baby on my stomach (she had an incredibly short umbilical cord so that was as high as they could place her) and the first words out of my mouth were, “what the fuck.” I “knew” a baby came at the end of this pregnancy but it was still so so so weird to now have this tiny creature with me. Kevin cut the cord and they placed her on my chest as I came to grips with the fact that she’s ours. The nurse was snapping pictures and they all came out with me having the most puzzled faces of disbelief but Kevin’s smile is beaming through :) At birth her stats were 6lbs 14oz and 21 inches. We stayed at the hospital for the next two days and were discharged the afternoon of Sunday, December 20th. (also shown above is the intense rats nest in my hair from going through labor and staying in bed for two days)

I’ve gone through such intense waves of emotion since my water broke. From extreme fear, to the highest high of happiness euphoria, to sobbing at just looking at her and realizing how blessed we are, to irritability and general moodiness, to very deep sorrow at the realization that I don’t get to stay home and live this life with her - that I have to go back to work in an extremely short time span and hand her off to a stranger (who’s to be determined). I’ve never felt mood swings more powerful than this in my life and I’d be lying if I said things are all just peachy keen. I’ve never experienced sleep deprivation like this nor this strength of hormone shifts. Yes, we’re healthy and happy and incredibly blessed but this has been much more emotionally charged than I anticipated, both positively and negatively.

On the whole, though, we’re doing really really well. She’s a great baby who is above all healthy, rarely fussy, is a self soother, and loves snuggling. She’s my little squish and I get excited every time I get to see her, which is at least every three hours due to her feeding schedule.

Thank you all for sharing your support, love and excitement for us during this oh so exciting time!

#please don't reblog #pregblr #momblr #first time mom #birth story #delivery #labor #postpartum #birth #hormones #all the emotions

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wu-sisyphus-gang · 4 years

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Motion Sickness: I Let You Die IV

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Of course, we argued the whole way there about which we would follow once we arrived. “You just told me you think it’s the second most dangerous Grimm you’ve ever seen.” Her eyes narrowed at me and her nose did too, and she leaned forward. Forward into her walk, not at me.

I watched her slowly speed up and pass me. “Now you want to go chase the bandits? You just told me that they won’t kill again. That makes the Grimm the clear and present danger.

I didn’t speed up to match her. That would trap me in a cycle. I had to wait here and stand my ground. For a certain definition for somebody walking, that is. Besides I couldn’t really outpace her. She’d hopefully meet me in terms of pacing and more.

“Rationally.” I clarified. “If they’re behaving rationally that is.”

“They’re bandits.” She got a little quieter, I stumbled over my own feet. She didn’t turn around, but she probably heard it easily. “What’s so rational about that?

“Not crime in general.” I resumed my walk. “I meant what they want now. Theoretically they just used the Grimm as a weapon to destroy three places. They don’t need food or water or money for a while and if they want anything from the ruins they can realistically go and get it.”

“But the Grimm could kill now.” She wasn’t deterred. Maybe I wasn’t explaining right.

“I know.” I pleaded. She slowly fell into my rhythm again. Her pace coming to match mine beside me. “But they didn’t need to destroy three.”

That made her hesitate. “What?”

“I mean one is plenty, if they just wanted those things.” I tried to explain. “If they were just looking to survive, then even destroying a single town seems excessive. In the past-before the kingdoms, I mean-awakened-horseback-archers riders viewed civilized groups as livestock.”

“Where?” She wondered.

“Uh… everywhere I suppose. The steps of Western Vacuo and Equatorial Mistral, really, though. It’s still the dominant lifestyle in some of those places.”

“Pillaging?”

“No, well, maybe now.” I tried. I knew she was getting frustrated. “But before they just milked horses because that was the only way to live.”

She gave me a curious look, a small smile. “It was on a documentary I saw.” I defended. “Anyways, that’s not the point. Now we may see a return to those kinds of mind sets and lifestyles.”

“But that’s not happening here.” She caught on. “They’re doing something else?”

“Purposelessly killing people.”

“There’s never a good reason to kill somebody, Jaune.” The steel was back.

“Please let’s not get into that,” I begged. “And using the Grimm to do it, maybe.” I confirmed for her with a nod. She released a shaky breath and relaxed her shoulders.

“So, you want to go after them first? You think they’re going to do it again?”

I nodded, glad she was seeing my perspective. “I think we should double back to GaiLong again. I want to make sure they haven’t been watching us this whole time and waiting for us to leave.” I explained, talking even faster.

Her mouth opened a little at me, eyes drifting up at me. “But the Grimm and the tracks… it’ll just get worse if we wait any longer.” She leaned in, “besides they can handle it right?”

I was already shaking my head. “I don’t trust all of the guards back there. If our enemy are just bandits, why did none of the riders get intercepted? None of this makes any sense.”

“Jaune you can think yourself in circles if you worry about every minor thing. We have to trust that Beihfing has his situation under control.” She worried her lip between two fingers, looking far away in thought.

I really wanted to kiss her…

“Do you know where the bandits or whatever are going to do now?”

“I don’t know what they want.” I blinked it away and refocused. Besides there would probably be time for that later, maybe. We were on the job but…

She was staring at me.

Focus up, moron.

“If I did, I would tell you. I can only guess at their motivations.”

Her face grew tight, “so you don’t even know either, but we do know the Grimm.” She was getting a flow to her now. “And they kill all the time. Besides you said they used it as a weapon, right?”

I wanted to get an edge in. “Ruby-“

“Right. So, once they can’t do that anymore they’ll have to do something else, we can find them then or…”

“Or let them go?” I wondered. “Ruby they’re malevolent.”

“So are the Grimm.” She was unrelenting and didn’t even look at me.

“Not with this kind of intent.”

“At Beacon the Grimm were coordinated.” Ruby pressed me more. “Even besides the ones the White Fang dropped. They moved together.” When I didn’t say anything, she looked over. “At Beacon when the Dragon showed up.” She waited for me to figure it out. “They sort of shuddered in unison. You didn’t see?”

What the fuck.

I told her as much.

She just nodded looking grossed out. “They have motive and focus. I know I sound crazy, but Cinder was talking to it. I heard her.”

She gave me this challenging look. It wasn’t some cute flirty thing, like about my sword or something. It was sharp and full of focus but more than that it was angry and a little scared. Her eyes were hard but the corners of her lips and eyebrows were turned out.

She actually seemed to want me to fight her on it, but I just raised my hands in surrender. “Ruby I believe you.”

“So, the Grimm are the enemy.”

“Its sounds like Cinder was somehow in charge to me.” I tried. Her sideways backwards glance conveyed a deep annoyance.

“You’re always so focused on Cinder you can’t see the Grimm for what they are. These bandits are just people, but the Grimm are always, always the enemy.”

I suddenly realized I was walking much faster than I had even a few moments ago, Ruby was already speeding up again.

I sighed.

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Before, the two of us had been distracted as we’d approached Shion. This time we were both wary and ready. Ruby had felt the danger even before the destroyed village came into view. She’d casually pulled her weapon in the middle of the road, not even extending the scythe.

By the time we’d seen the place even I had felt it and we both knew it would be as empty as we’d left it. The recent dead would draw Grimm here like a beacon, spawning them? Summoning them?

It hardly mattered to Ruby because as soon as we approached the gate she’d disappeared in a blur of speed. A haze that seemed to shift from building to building.

It didn’t look like anything worth spending ammunition on to her, so she didn’t. Instead she almost lazily bounced from place to place, leaving bisected Beowolves and Creeps in her wake.

For my part I drew Crocea Mors and let them rush at me. Before, in Vale, I’d been forced to nearly wrestle the wolf-caricatures behind my shield. I was stronger and faster now, and the range afforded to me by the upgrade allowed me to cut them down before they could really approach me.

I stepped aside and Ruby landed next to where I had been standing to cover me from the sides.

“Doesn’t seem like too many.” She reported, “nothing big, either.”

“Heard.”

We slowly and efficiently worked our way through the weakest Grimm, clearing a path to the foot prints. She whirled around my sides, cutting anything that came too close into ribbons. For my part I held my ground against the monsters to anchor us.

Two swings removed the head and leg of a Beowolf and I stepped on a Creeper’s head as it tried to bite me and crushed it easily.

By the time we arrived at where we knew the footprints began, the Grimm were nothing but curls of smoke.

“Jaune!”

“Hm!” I looked up quickly, trying to spot whatever it was that she wanted me to see. I glanced towards her to look where she was looking and look over there so I could look out for whatever it was she saw.

She was just staring at me, though.

“What are you doing?”

“What?” I wondered.

“How are you doing that?”

“Ruby what are you talking about?”

“You’re glowing!”

I looked down at myself. Odd bands of blue light were trailing around me. They almost looked like fire but if they were hot, I couldn’t feel it. The wisps seemed ignorant of gravity, clinging only to me and my skin in soft trails of blue and white.

Ruby walked up to me. “What is this?"

She rolled her eyes. “That must be your semblance!” She reached out and traced a hand through one of the tendrils.

“Um…” I didn’t want to sound too disappointed. She was so excited. I was kind of hoping for more than ‘glow a little.’ “Neat?”

“How does it feel?”

“The same.” I thought about it. “I don’t know. Is it doing anything?” I stepped back from Ruby as though it would give me a better look at myself for some reason and the light faded away.

“What did you do?” She wondered. “It went away.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

She frowned. “Well it didn’t seem immediately obvious.”

“Was yours like that.”

“Um…” She turned an awesome rosé. “Kinda.”

She turned away to examine the hoof marks in the ground trailing away from the village.

I kept a watch, resting Crocea Mors against my arm, while Ruby peered down to get a better look at the print. It wasn’t like she was unfamiliar with it or couldn’t tell which way it was going. “I forgot how big it was… do you think the villages were just destroyed by a horde-phenomena?”

I shrugged. “It seems unlikely, the villages were in a non-linear order. It would have taken an awful coincidence for it to be just a large group of Grimm chasing the closest sadness and growing larger.”

“The bandits.” I nodded at her words. She chewed her cheek for just a moment. “Let’s go, we’re already almost a week behind it.”

It wasn’t like Ruby had really compromised my plans. Not truly, it was always really a toss up which we followed and which town would be destroyed next seemed just as random. Sure, I had some suspicions about GaiLong but Ruby dismissed it when I tried to bring up doubling back one more time.

“Jaune if they are watching us and waiting for us to go far enough away, then you won’t catch them like this and what are we going to do, we can’t stay in every place we go.”

Hopefully the two of us could track it and slay it together. Or, failing that wound it, track it, and try again. It would heal but Ren implied that its regeneration wasn’t a factor in the mid-game of a fight. Only if it actually escaped us would we regret having wasted our resources but wounding the creature and forcing it to flee wasn’t a waste, per se. It could be a tool, too. We had a lot of ground to make up. We were almost a week behind it when we left GaiLong and unlike us, it didn’t need to sleep, eat, or do anything but wander.

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It was after the fourth day of tracking that it finally rained. We’d known it was going to happen, too. After the first crack of thunder, Ruby let out a low whine.

“No,” she just pleaded. It would still be hours before the rain came and washed most our tracks away.

She was tired and wet and cold. And I really wanted to get her into the tent and into her sleeping bag.

I didn’t know what to do or say. We could both see the storm coming, feel the wind pick up and the humidity increase. I could do nothing but start to look for a good place to set up a tent.

Ruby and I had done some light training, but you really didn't push yourself or work out much when you were trying to catch up to something like this. For my sake it was time to take watch and just to top my night off I had to be especially on guard tonight.

It was unusual for me to stay focused on watch, but I had to. I could feel something. It didn't feel like a person or anyone I knew so it was probably not nothing but the equivalent. Grimm.

I waited until it got close enough that I was sure I could destroy it without letting my senses drift from where Ruby slept.

I was sitting out waiting for the creature to stop nagging at my range and actually enter. It was just pacing around my range and eventually I'd had enough.

I kept my body low and my limbs out, but stealth wasn't my strong suite. It jumped through the bracket at me rather than I at it.

I moved in a burst, sweeping the long blade between us to stop its approach. It pushed me back a step and my ankle caught something.

I tripped and it fell on me. My armor held out it's claws buts its teeth snapped at my aura. I grunted and threw it off of me.

It was an Ursa. a different bone structure for a different part of the world but that seemed to be all the difference between those here and those in Vale.

It landed but rolled towards me quickly with a snarl but as I stood, I held my ground. I already knew how to deal with these. I swept Crocea Mors downwards over my head and cut its face diagonally and deep enough that I'd opened up large sections of its ribcage.

It fell and began to dissolve. I stepped back warily. I felt nothing.

Nothing.

I listened and heard no song of Grimm. The animals had gone quiet, too. Fearing a battle between two distant predators might involve them, but it was already over.

Then distinct, in the cold night distant, the zip of the tent.

I sighed.

"Jaune! Jaune, what was that." She was in thick socks that probably didn't feel good in the wet, icy, muck.

She had Crescent Rose ready though. Her biceps and triceps stood out in her shirt. She had nothing on but her simple T and some long bottoms in the night.

I stared at her white clothes in the sleet before coming to my senses. “It was just a small Grimm.

Everything’s fine.”

She breathed hard. “You're supposed to wake me up.”

You needed sleep and it was nothing I couldn't handle.

I looked her up and down. There was brisk and then there was being in PJs, in negative ten, with a wind chill, and at ninety-five percent humidity.

I walked over and dragged her into the tent. I flicked the flap open, but the inside was frigid. Just a few moments of being open had sapped whatever warmth was inside. “You can't act like this was my fault.

“You're supposed to wake me.”

I nodded and rubbed her hands in mine. I pulled her wet socks off too. Her feet were just chilled to the absolute bone. I was considering trying to start a fire.

“Say something!”

“Huh what? You're right. I should have woken you up. Come on get some new socks on and get warm.”

“I feel like I need a can opener with you; you’re just so it's like -ugh. Aren't you frustrated?”

“No, I am.” I assured her.

“Well why aren't you showing it?” Ruby wrapped her arms around her knees under her covers. “And your semblance too, you’re not excited at all when it activates when we train.”

“It only activates when I’m losing, doesn’t last long, and doesn’t do anything but make me glow.” I shook my head and laughed a little.

It was fitting though, if I’d had this power at Beacon I would have been just as able to help Pyrrha.

She hit me hard, enough sting. I gasped, my hand going to my chest where her hand hit my side, through some gap in all my armor she’d casually exploited to jab at just one of my ribs past a strap.

“You were thinking you were useless again. Weren’t you, Jaune?”

Fuck.

“I’m sure it does more than make you look good.”

Whiplash.

I waited.

“Well.” She wondered.

“Well to what in all of that?”

“All of it!”

“I was trying to keep up the pace and find it and be on our way to Haven.”

“So, it’s because I need to get to Haven.”

“Well that is your plan.” I laughed and turned to look at her.

“Ugh.” She murmured and looked down.

Huh?

“What is it? Is it something I said?”

She didn't look impressed by that. She crossed her arms confidently and set herself sideways. “Then what's it like? I forced you out here. To come with me to Haven and trek all the way across the world with me. Even though I had no idea how far that was.”

"Ruby I did know how far it was. And I did know that if you hadn't…"

If she hadn't what, exactly? I was trying to fight but it was hard. It was a little like Weiss had rubbed off on Ruby, in some of her best ways. I'd found that confidence and authority attractive before but when it was directed at me it was hard to fight.

What could I possibly tell her? That I needed her to tell me what to do and give my life direction? She just told me how stressed she was I couldn't add to that. Couldn't have. I clicked my jaw in thought.

My teeth clacked together audibly.

She looked from my eyes to my jaw. Like I'd just bit her hard. “You shouldn't do that to yourself.”

I laughed. “That's what I mean. What would I do if I didn't have you right now? If you hadn't taken me in, I don't know where I would have gone.”

“You would have found something.”

No. My family. I stole this from them. I can't go back. And Nora and Ren they got in with like a scholarship for hunters-to-be without parents or something. They were homeless again. I think they thought I'd abandon them.

“So, when you asked me to come it was just-it was a no-brainer. What would I have done? What l alternatives would I have had. And if I hadn't gone with you, would I have found Pyrrha’s armor even? Would I know for sure what happened? It was like destiny. And this is too.”

“You really think so?” I watched her hands fidget through her hair, somehow plucking at the red ones even out of the corner of her eye. “Well no, it’s more like I need to make this the timeline where I succeed, but we can. You know?” She shook her head. “You think if we're smart and hardworking enough, it'll be enough? That's not like you.”

“Ruby this is just a setback. Even if it takes months. We have no timetable for getting to Haven. No tournament. No obvious target beyond the school and city which should be in a state of high alert.”

Supplies still got traded as far as here so we know the blackout-panic hadn't destroyed the place.

Haven was probably still there, Just waiting for her, even if it didn’t know it.

“But what about your semblance?” She pressed me. “You and me. Are we making progress there?”

“We’ll have to time figure out to use it.” If it had a use.

“Tss” I let out as I clutched a rib.

“You and me.”

“Us?” I wondered stupidly.

“What are we, Jaune.” She glanced at me. “What am I to you?”

Good question.

I thought about it. It wasn't like I could just say she was my partner because that had connotations to huntsmen. If I just blurted out, she was my new partner it would hurt everyone. Besides she had made it clear that Weiss was her best friend. Whatever that meant to her.

"You're my oldest friend for sure." I told her. I knew that much. Whom was there before Pyrrha? Family didn't count. "Things are rough for me right now but it wasn't like I didn't think about you before, too.”

“That's not fair,” she whispered. “Pyrrha was…She made it clear she liked you a lot.”

Ouch. But…

“You were so nice and sweet to me when I didn't deserve it. I could always count on you for advice and it was always good. “

“I don't know…” she trailed off. She pinched her lower lip between her index and thumb. She was listening close, her eyes intense on my every word. “Even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. So, it sounds dumb to say something like boyfriend, but you can if you want.”

“We're a couple.” Ruby translated listening closely. “You make things so complicated.”

“The thing about that is-“

“Do you love me?”

“Uh, yeah”

She smiled flushing, but she managed to roll her eyes and look right at me. For a moment I could hear nothing but the rain against the tent.

"Jaune I need you to better than 'uh yeah.'" she smiled adorably. It took me a second to realize she was teasing me. By the time I did so, my eyes flicked down to her lips and back up to her eyes. It was too late. Her smile roared across her face.

“You really want to kiss me, don't you? You can. You know. Maybe not all the time but you can kiss me.” I did. I pushed her back against her thin mattress. I could feel her hip bone against my abdomen and the smooth curve of her sides. I put my hands around her back and pulled her in close to my and she let out a tiny sigh.

Her mouth opened in the slightest way and I couldn't help my-self. My tongue went forward at the same time I rolled us more forward, pinning her more beneath me.

She groaned into it, smiling into the kiss as I sucked on her tongue, then lip, then pulled away. Or tried to.

I drew back slightly but she had a tight grip on my shirt with her left hand. I hadn't even noticed. And her other hand became nestled in my hair.

She just… giggled at me, and, without so much as opening her eyes, dragged me down again.

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I got down off the back of the animal before Ruby. She was already waiting for me there.

She called the its name and it came when called. She didn’t even need to pull her hair back as she rode, either, she somehow looked relaxed and focused. To be honest I was just so amazed to even watch her move above me.

She slung her legs up and over it and gently held the pommel in one of her small hands. The tips of her fingers just enough to reassure. She hardly needed it for balance she was so graceful.

Her other hand was firmly in the mane of the stallion’s mane. After the night in the rain, we’d returned to Higanbana where they’d offered us horses. They’d already been made aware of our affairs and the local Dono was not to be out down by GaiLong, evidently.

I’d explained to them that an unless they had an awakened horse, they would not be able to carry me, let alone the both of us. Mei-Chi had smiled at me and I knew I would regret it.

“Who taught you how to ride?” I wondered.

“Oh, my mother showed me how when I was young. It’s easy if you know how to care for it.” Or you’re a Nisdy Princess. I watched how easily she controlled it and made it calm. Sure, it was trained but when I’d been encouraged to take the lead on the animal it had given me nothing but contempt.

“Do you know how?” She wondered. “You’ve somehow expertly dodged climbing on the back of one.” She stroked it gently with her hands. Enjoying the sensation.

“I… know the basics,” I hedged. “I have ridden before.”

“Yikes, that bad, huh.” she teased me, and I groaned. “But not in a while and with someone else.”

I shook my head, “this’ll be a first for us.”

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

#rwby #Lancaster #Jaune Arc #Ruby Rose #jaune arc x ruby rose #vol 4 #altsemblance #Cloud Strife #motion sickness #Limit Break #crossover #Ryuugi style #Aerith Gainsborough #Cloud x Aerith #FF7 #war of the roses #eventually

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cupcakemolotov · 5 years

Text

Go Where You Go

Written for @goldcaught, @thetourguidebarbie and @candycolamorgan who love this trope. I’ve been trying to write it for ages in a mafia setting BUT FOR ONCE my muse decided nah, we’re going to roll this as solid AH. This is 100% SFW and is mostly sweet and fluffy. Can’t think of anything that needs a warning other than the fluff?

Caroline recognized the smell of the hospital before she registered anything else. Hazily wondering if she’d fallen asleep in the break room again, she blinked open her eyes and tried to understand what she was looking at. She was definitely in one of slightly less uncomfortable hospital beds, and one of the nurses had clearly brought her extra blankets.

It was the loud beeping of machines and the pulse monitor on her finger told her that she was definitely not in the break room. The chill from the IV bag definitely sucked as much as she remembered from her last bout with food poisoning. But the biggest clue was the man sitting across from her with his eyes closed.

Her step-brother wasn’t part of her usual hospital experience. Blinking hard to make sure he didn’t disappear, Caroline cleared her throat. “Klaus?”

His head lowered immediately from where it had been tipped back. He looked tired, the faint start of shadows beneath his eyes matching the days growth of beard he usually kept to much neater stubble. His clothing was disarrayed and didn’t quite match, as if he’d pulled everything on in a hurry, though she spotted a bag at his feet.

“Caroline. How are you feeling, love?”

Bewildered, she shifted her weight and immediately regretted the decision to move. Her right ankle hurt, though in a weird distant way. Glancing down at the end of the bed, she frowned. Was her foot in a sling?

Finally recognizing the haze of pain killers for what they were, she looked back to Klaus and blinked hard. “What happened?”

“I was told things might be a bit fuzzy. You apparently took quite a knock to the head.” His eyes were sympathetic. “I’m supposed to ask what you remember before giving you details.”

She glared at his words and the curve of his mouth tilted at the edge. Huffing, Caroline tried to remember specific details. “Yesterday was Tuesday. We operate on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Our last patient’s procedure took longer than anticipated.” Caroline paused, and then frowned. “I took a Uber home.”

A hint of ire crossed his eyes but quickly disappeared. She appreciated his restraint. It was a fight they’d had before. None of her step-family seemed to appreciate that she was on a strict budget and would be for another two years. She was not spending thousands of dollars a year on a car service. Most of them had been smart enough to drop the subject after she’d shut Elijah down, but Klaus was stubborn.

“The Uber didn’t make it,” Klaus finally filled in once it was clear she was done talking. “We had a bit of inclement weather come through yesterday. There was just enough sleet to make the roads slippery. I imagine you didn’t notice if you were in a procedure for several hours.”

Caroline pulled a face. “They moved the pick up zone to a different location in a garage. I didn’t even look outside, it’s been freezing for days.”

Klaus nodded. “My understanding is the other driver had just received his license; he over corrected.”

“Is he okay?”

“A tad traumatized though uninjured.” His face made it clear just how much sympathy he didn’t have for the boy.

Caroline worked her lip between her teeth and tried to remember the events he described. Finally, shaking her head, she sighed. “I don’t remember the wreck.”

He nodded. “I’m sure someone will do a concussion test on you once they know you’re awake. You’re going to be here for a bit I’m afraid.”

She grimaced. “Is my chart close by? What’s the damage?”

Klaus gave her a long look. “I’m told doctors make terrible patients. Particularly surgeons.”

“I’ve completed five of my seven years of residency, after acing four years of med school,” she pointed out reasonably. “I can read a chart, Klaus. Have they scheduled an x-ray for my ankle? It definitely feels like something that needs to be looked at if they haven’t. Moving it was not awesome.”

Both of his brows lifted even as his mouth tightened at her admittance of it hurting. “You operate on brains, love. Not ankles. Let the doctors who have finished their schooling do their job.”

She scowled, carefully shifting into a more comfortable position. She knew that look. He was determined to be stubborn. “Why are you here exactly?”

“Ah, now that’s a bit of a story.” His fingers folded across his lean abdomen, and Klaus leaned back with a hint of something unreadable in his eyes. “Rebekah called me sometime in the early hours of the morning in quite the panic. You can imagine my surprise when she insisted that I make my way to the hospital. She was quite insistent that you were a patient instead of a doctor.”

“Rebekah?” Caroline repeated, brows furrowing. “Isn’t she in Milan?”

“Rome this week.”

That sounded about right. “So why did she call? Bonnie is my emergency contact.”

The flicker of emotion she had seen earlier was back and she didn’t know what to make of it. “So I was made aware.”

Squinting, she frowned at him. “Klaus. Seriously? Details.”

A hint of a smile touched his mouth and his shoulders finally seemed to loosen. “Your friend Bonnie called Rebekah. She is apparently on a business trip and not in the city, and whatever details were given to her were apparently not adequate.”

“Oh no.”

The gleam behind his gaze shifted to amusement. “While I appreciate why you’ve chosen not to make Bekah your emergency contact, you should perhaps consider adding her to your list. When she was unable to get additional information out of your nursing staff, she called me. Frantic and certain you were dying. You’re lucky I’m the only one stateside currently.”

She tried to disappear under the blankets. “Please tell me you’re the only one she called.”

“I’m afraid not.”

Caroline pressed her face into her pillow and groaned. “Noooo.”

“Hmm, yes.” Klaus said with a hint of laughter in his voice. “Finn put his foot down on the plane fetching Rebekah and Kol, as he is currently using it. Coming home would ruin his plans, though I’m sure Sage will sure will send a lovely bouquet of flowers.”

She groaned again, shoving her overly warm face into her pillow. There was a creak of a chair, and then Klaus’ warm hand curled around hers. “Caroline.”

She peaked at him, and a dimple creased his cheek. “Elijah and I both agree that having Kol and Rebekah around will just make matters worse. He’ll handle their dramatics. You, on the other hand, will have to deal with me.”

Underneath the rush of embarrassment from his teasing, her heart started to pound. Behind her, the heart monitor sped up and Klaus glanced at it with a curious expression. “It’s not that bad, love.”

Caroling snorted and pressed her free hand to burning cheek. “Says you. I miss being an only child. How long did it take you to charm your way past the staff? How did you even get in here? I’m pretty sure we aren’t in visiting hours.”

His smile was abrupt and dimpled, and something tightened in her chest. Her lips part but a loud crash in the hallway had his head swiveling, and it briefly gave her a chance to study his face. Of all her inherited family, Klaus was the one she struggled with the most. Mostly because she never actually managed to look at him as a brother, and no matter how she tried to ignore it, there was a spark of chemistry there that never went away.

It helped that he hadn’t been around when she’d been trying to acclimate to his family.

Her mom had married Mikael the spring of her sophomore year of high school. At the time, the custody agreement had her spending her summers with Liz and the school year with Bill. So Caroline hadn’t been around for the dramatics of their meeting - her mom had written the visiting recently widowed businessman a ticket for speeding, and he’d asked her to dinner.

Shockingly, Liz had said yes.

And while Caroline had approved the hallmark romance, she hadn’t liked the Mikaelson children’s suspicions about her mom. Her new step-dad had been loaded, and though there was a prenup in place, it’d been clear his kids had viewed Liz as a gold digger. She’d gritted her teeth because while Mikael was overbearing and not particularly kind to his older children, he’d been besotted with her mom.

Since she’d spent her summers with her mom, she’d moved into Mikael’s giant house once they’d gotten back from their honeymoon. It had been her, her mom, her new step-dad and three of his five kids. That first summer post-wedding has been rough for everyone. Rebekah had hated no longer being the only girl, Kol had been a little shit, and Elijah has loomed like a silent specter of judgement. Finn, thankfully, had declined coming home from his fancy English University.

Caroline had learned to adjust to a sort of territorial Cold War with Steven’s daughter, she thought she could handle the new family. At least at her new place she didn’t have to share a bathroom. But Rebekah and Kol were dramatic and nosey, and having a younger brother was not something she enjoyed. At all. Her summer plan for cramming in college credits in the peace and quiet had evaporated, the staff kept trying to clean her spotless bathroom, and Kol thought his pranks were funny. She’d gone back to school vowing to hate all of them to her grave.

But not before she’d eked out a little revenge on her own. Her mom had called her when she’d landed in Atlanta and conveyed her disappointment that they’d had to shave Kol’s head, but Caroline hadn’t cared. He’d deserved it. And if he’d thought she’d be over his dickery by the time she got back, he’d been very mistaken.

But Klaus hadn’t been around for any of that. He was a half-brother to Mikael’s kids, and when Esther had died, his Dad, Ansel, had wrangled custody. Both Rebekah and Kol had seemed bitter about it, but she had noted that both got regulars texts from him. It had been a few years before she’d met him properly, which likely contributed to her lack of familial feelings for him.

Sometimes she still wasn’t sure how she started to care about the Mikaelsons. They were all trust fund babies who were usually was missing the common sense God gave children, but she loved them anyway. But those first two summers, such a thing had seemed impossible.

But then her mom had gotten sick.

Not wanting to dredge up those memories, Caroline glanced down at his hand still covering her own and her lips curved at the sight of paint streaked across his knuckles. “I thought you’d sworn off painting until you recovered from the last gallery.”

“I had an idea or two that wouldn’t leave me alone,” he responded vaguely. “The curse of a muse, I’m afraid.”

She snorted and let her eyes close. “Rebekah will murder you if you end up painting through Christmas again.”

“So says the surgeon who keeps volunteering to cover the holiday shifts for her fellow residents. Avoiding us?”

Her eyes popped open. “What?”

His fingers slid through hers when she would have pulled back, squeezing lightly. “While you were asleep I had a number of very concerned junior residents who all wanted to assure me that they’d cover your shifts until you are back on your feet. They all drew straws to see who would take over the holiday dates this year, since your upcoming surgery will leave you unable to cover this year.”

“Surgery?” Caroline yelped, fingers tightening on his. “Klaus, where is my chart?”

“I’m sure the doctors will explain everything when they come in,” Klaus said without a hint of remorse. “Your minions were all quite concerned.”

She dug her nails into the back of his hand. “Why did they even talk to you about this? I don’t have you on any of my paperwork. They so know better.”

His smile was slow and satisfied. “One of them recognized me from some pictures on your phone from the night of my gallery. She wanted to know if we were dating.”

She refused to blush. The picture he was speaking of had been one that Rebekah had taken of them and sent her the next day with several pointed emojis. Something about the way Klaus had been looking at her, the placement of his hand on her hip, had left her breathless when she’d seen it the next day.

“I’m going to murder them.”

His laugh was soft and his expression was fond as he studied her disgruntled face. “So are you avoiding us, then?”

“It’s not avoiding when no one is here,” she pointed out in exasperation, tugging on his hand. “Christmas isn’t exactly your family's favorite holiday.”

Mikael’s first wife, Esther, and their younger brother Henrik, had been killed in a car crash on Christmas Eve. It had not been a cheerful holiday for the family since. Caroline grimaced a little and supposed she could let Rebekah’s dramatics of her recent accident go under those circumstances. Another holiday car accident was going to be hard on her sister. There was a lot of squish under the bitch.

“Be as that may…” Klaus started, and she cut him off.

“My mom was married to Mikael for less than four years before she passed. I didn’t like any of you for years. I’m still iffy on how Rebekah and I become friends, much less family. With Mikael gone, there isn’t much reason for you lot to stick around.”

Klaus tipped his head, studying her. “In this family, liking each other isn't necessarily a prerequisite, as you know. And I don’t recall you ever asking us if we have plans. Particularly since you moved back to Chicago to start you residency. Strange, since we are so close together.”

She blinked at him. “Should I have? Finn only tolerates me because I never ask for money. Can you imagine his face if I rang him up and asked him what the plans were for him and Sage over Christmas? Actually, you know what? Maybe I should do it. He’s been a dick to Kol lately.”

“Finn is a pillock.”

“He really is,” she agreed. “I kept hoping getting laid regularly would pull that stick out of his ass but it didn’t.”

Klaus’ lips pressed together in a clear struggle to fight a smile. “Kol has expressed a similar sentiment, if I recall. Directly to Finn.”

“I bet that went well,” Caroline muttered, gaze brightening. “I’m sorry to have missed it.”

“You do dodge us.”

“Ha!” Caroline said at his droll tone. “You’re just jealous I have better excuses than you. Elijah stopped trying to talk me into his get together after I fell asleep on his couch after a nightmare shift and missed dinner entirely. I’m pretty sure he only invited me then because he has some weird sense of obligation.”

His look was amused. “And to think Elijah likes you. Can’t say the same for the rest of us, he’s made a comment or two that makes it clear he only tolerated our antics.”

She snorted. “Sure. And even if he does, can you imagine Christmas with Elijah? He had a dress code for everything. I don’t have the energy for the kind of outfit with he’d require for Christmas dinner. He’d want fancy footwear with a pretty dress and I just want my comfy Christmas pajamas. Last year I ordered in Chinese and ate out of the cartons for three days. Does he know what good take out looks like?”

“He isn’t quite that bad.”

Catoline rolled her eyes. “The last time he caught me watching hallmark romances, I could feel him radiating his disapproval on the other side of the mausoleum he calls a home.”

Klaus blinked. “He let you near the remote? He hides it now, because of Kol.”

“Apple TV.” She waved her hand. “As if it was hard to figure out. And for the rest of your siblings? Last I heard from Kol he was sleeping his way through culinary school and ignoring my warnings about gonorrhea being a superbug. I honestly cannot believe people actively touch him, but whatever. And Bekah? We both know we won’t see hide nor hair of her until she’s finished rage shopping after what’s his name had the audacity to break up with her before the holiday season.”

Her face darkened as she realized she was going to miss being Rebekah’s wingman for the upcoming parties. She would be determined to be seen this year, looking particularly hot, and whatever his name was would have a lot of regrets very soon. While she would welcome the rest, she’d been toying with an idea or two to make him regret his choices.

Oh well. Maybe she’d drag Enzo along to one of their parties once she was back on her feet. He seemed to like Rebekah and a little harmless flirting might brighten her day.

Klaus’ expression had turned speculative. “And me? What box have you conveniently put me into?”

She bit her lip, trying to find the words to describe Klaus. Her first real memory of I him had been at her mom’s funeral. He’d sat next to her, warm and silent while his siblings had crowded around Mikael. She’d appreciated that.

She had appreciated it again five years later when he’d sat with her at her dad’s funeral. By then, she and Rebekah had somehow become friends and not just step-sisters. They’d ended up at the same university, abd Caroline thought Rebekah would pretend she didn’t exist.

She hadn’t. And somewhere in those four years of her undergrad, she’d started thinking of Rebekah, and sometimes Kol, as family. Actually having a quasi sister she liked had been weird.

So when Rebekah had dragged her two favorite brothers with her to the Bill’s service, Caroline hadn’t been surprised. There was a lot of squish under Rebekah’s bitch. That the Mikaelson siblings had stayed after the service and helped her sort her Dad’s things, acting as a barrier against Steven’s grief and his daughter’s icy anger? It’d been nice.

And after that, she’d stopped fighting them so hard on family dinners. Rebekah and Kol took turns bribing her into attending anyway, and she did like Elijah for all her complaints about his stuffiness. Even Finn’s attitude had become far more tolerable when she’d gotten into her residency of choice, but Klaus?

Klaus was the brother Rebekah drunk dialed to complain about her terrible dates from Caroline’s couch while refusing to drink a glass of water. He was the one who quietly glowered when she refused to get a car service instead of an Uber after late night shifts at her hospital. He was a little mean, exasperated at her most of the time and he had a with a truly terrible sense of humor. But sometimes the way he looked at her left her skin prickling. She thought about him in his suit at his art gallery, his hands and his lips, a little too often to be sisterly.

Klaus was dangerous to her sanity, and letting him know that was probably playing with fire. If she let him in and it went badly, holidays were going to be a nightmare. But she was starting to wonder if it was worth the risk.

“We’re friends,” she said slowly, finally answering his question. “Kind of.”

His thumb ran across her knuckles, but the hint of heat in his gaze left her pulse thudding. “Of a sort,” he agreed slowly.

“And you’re usually not here,” Caroline continued as if the motion of his hand hadn’t shifted to something more like a caress. “But hey, I’m sure I can find super tacky pajamas in your size if you’re feeling left out.”

“Your concern is noted,” Klaus said dryly, but there was something satisfied about his expression as he leaned back, fingers still tangled with hers. “But I’m sure I’ll live without your idea if tacky pajamas.”

“I might do it anyway,” she threatened. His expression was unimpressed, and she struggled to hold in a laugh. Shifting her weight, she winced as her ankle throbbed with the motion.

Glancing at his watch, Klaus tipped his head as he clearly considered what he wanted to say. “The nurses should be here in another half hour or so for your next dose of meds. I’m expecting the on call doctor half an hour after that.”

She tugged at his hand, gaze narrowing. “Why do you expect him?”

He met her gaze steadily, dimple peeking from one cheek as his lips curved. “I spoke to him earlier.”

Caroline spluttered. “Klaus!”

He held up his free hand. “You were unconscious. Other than a brief discussion of what to expect in terms of pain management, they didn’t have much to offer at the time. Your ankle is a bit of a mess, sweetheart. It’s likely to need surgery, but you can quiz the doctor on those details once he arrives.”

She closed her eyes and tried to calculate what that meant for her residency and groaned. “God dammit.”

“It’ll work out. I have no doubt you’ll talk your bosses into what you need,” Klaus said soothingly, clearly understanding why she was upset. “You’re nothing if not persuasive.”

Caroine cracked a smile. “Thanks.”

He made a low noise of agreement and studied her face. “I’d like you to think about temporarily staying with either Rebekah or me once you’re out of here.”

“What? No!”

“Caroline,” he said patiently. “The elevator in your building has needed repairs twice in the last year, and Rebekah has been known to take the stairs to avoid using them. You’re on the seventh floor and she’s never met a sensible pair of shoes she has liked in her life. We have doorman who can assist with anything you need brought in, and your mobility will be limited. Think about it.”

She pressed her lips together tightly for a long moment before nodding. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good,” Klaus murmured. Finally releasing her hand, he leaned over and dug through the bag at his feet. He came up with an iPad and offered it to her. “Your phone hasn’t been recovered, but this should tide you over for a bit. If you’re eyes start hurting, put it down. No need to aggravate that possible conclusion.”

Smiling brightly at his bribe, she took it before fumbling with the remote to adjust the bed so she could comfortably sit up. Her ankle was heavily wrapped and she knew the discussion coming would be a fun one, and she really was sore,but it wasn’t the conversation bouncing around the back of her mind. Glancing at Klaus from the corner of her eye, she let herself look at him.

Rumpled, tired and a lot scruffy, she wanted to smooth his curls in a decidedly non-sisterly way.

After a moment, his gaze caught hers in question and she shook her head. Turning to one of the game apps she knew Klaus despised, something warm filled her chest. She was pretty sure she wasn’t going to be able to avoid whatever was growing between her and Klaus forever.

And for the first time, she was looking forward to seeing what that could mean.

#my fic #klaroline #klaroline fanfic #klaroline drabble #sfw

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human-trash-fire · 4 years

Text

Beautiful Disaster: Chapter 5 (Pynch Soulmate AU)

Alrighty my loves, this chapter has been a labor of love from the beginning. As you continue reading you will see art pieces and each is correlated with a song (those will be at the end), and references yet again will be made to the EMFS playlist (Ronan’s rehab playlist- I’ve actually made it on spotify! you can find it here)

As usual you can find this story on Ao3 @ glam_reaper 2 if you’re interested <3

TW: Mention of suicide attempt, a panic attack though not super descriptive, cannon typical language.

Iv.

You,

I made a friend last week.

I know for most people that wouldn’t be a big deal, but I assume by now You understand what that means for someone like me. I guess “friend” may be a generous term? I don’t know if we are there yet, Blue definitely disagrees with him “on principle.”

You see, President Cellphone as she calls him, or Richard Campbell Gansey III (I know, what a douchey fucking name) is all boat shoes and privledge and perfect teeth. Gansey isn’t someone I’d normally associate with mind you, Henry kind of met my quota for rich extroverts in the inner circle, and yet…

So, here’s the story. I’m writing my last letter right? And I was so fucking lost. I decided to walk home from Nino’s- I thought maybe it would help me settle. And there, right around the corner is this fucking ‘73 camero. It should have been beautiful, really.. A classic like that? It’s a dream to look at. Only this fucking thing is the UGLIEST color of candy orange you could ever imagine… And it’s blowing smoke all over the damn place. I was honestly going to leave boat-shoes to call his daddy or mechanic or what have you, but he looked so confused. I offered to help him out and was able to get it running long enough to get to Boyd’s.

I expected him to just drop off “The Pig” (the car) like any normal person and come back for it, only I apparently made “quite the impression.”

Gansey ended up staying with me, prattling on about his Masters History program and some welsh king the ENTIRE time I worked on the damn car. At first I was tuning him out, but without realizing it I became completely entranced by the whole story. I’ve never seen such passion for anything, and I have VERY spirited friends.

He has one of those voices you know? The kind that can stop a room, raise an army, lead a nation. The kind that demands to be heard without ever having to raise itself.

That’s Gansey though.

I think he’ll be good for me, I don’t think he’d give me much of a choice in the matter though to be honest. He kind of adopted me this week? That should bother me and yet, being around him is just… It’s being included. It’s a sense of purpose.

I think he needs it too, he doesn’t seem to talk about negative things but you can tell, he’s haunted by something. That’s what solidified it for me really. He may be a senator’s son but he’s seen some shit.

I wish you could have met him, I wonder if you would have been as intrigued by him as I find myself.

Blue is being a total idiot about him, but I’m about 82% sure it’s because she is into him. I know for sure the feeling is mutual. It took Gans approximately 15 minutes after meeting Blue to ask me for her life story, offend her beyond measure, and then haul ass out of Nino’s. It was the first time I’d seriously laughed in so long. Have you ever been second-hand embarrassed for someone? It was that.

I’m going to wrap this up now though, I need to head to Nino’s for my shift, Blue’s working so of course Gans is stopping by. He said he’s bringing one of his best friends with him, some dude named Noah. Apparently he’s pretty cool, so I’m moderately less apprehensive. He said he wished he could bring his other best friend/ his and Noah’s third roommate but the guy is staying with family for a few months or something. Idk? He doesn’t talk about the other roommate much. I honestly don’t even think he’s ever said his name. Who gives a shit though, I can barely handle one new friend, let alone a 3-pack of Ganseys. Good God… I hope Noah isn’t another Gansey…. Fuck.

Welp.

Here goes nothing.

*****

It started with a not-so-subtle idea from the esteemed Dr. Allen. “Show me what happened.” Ronan was never great with words before all this, and since… When he spoke it was usually a litany of curse words. So Dr. Allen had suggested art. In the weeks since his entombment in this fine rehabilitation center, Ronan had kind of already been doing what he was being asked to do now. Though, he didn’t mention it to Allen. He’d spent countless hours sketching his life, the whole thing, in snapshots inside that beautiful leather sketchbook Gansey had given him.

He started at the beginning, pictures of Aurora and his brothers, the Barns, his father playing guitar by the fire. He drew their family vacations, the cows he used to sneak out and sleep beside when he was a child, the feeling of winning the Tennis State Championship when he was 15. He drew the bad things too, his nightmares, his drug-trips, that old stained couch in the basement of Kavinsky’s house. He put every piece of himself, all 22 years of memories down in that book, woven together with song lyrics in the margins.

So when Dr. Allen asked him to look specifically to his addiction and create, he didn’t see a problem. He needed to return to school with a series anyways, Declan had called to inform him that strings had been pulled to allow him to finish his final semester at Georgetown, but he needed to walk in with something to show at the January exhibition. Two birds, and all that.

He settled on 7 pieces, each done in oils on canvas, each accompanied by a song. 7 moments in the life of his battle with addiction, from the beginning to now. With each stroke of his brush he felt infinesmally lighter, pouring his grief into the images before him.

It started with “The Fall.” His father’s murder in reds and greys; fracturing lines and deep shadows. He mixed his paints with tears and used his heart to drag color across the canvas. For the first time in years, Ronan allowed the memory to consume him. He’d re-lived it plenty of times in his nightmares, but this was different. His hands shook, jagged strokes of anger and confusion bleeding through. He painted the brief moment, the final moment, when his world was whole before his teenage mind finally realized what it was he was looking at. His last free breath. And he painted his screams, the cacophony of pain, endlessly mixing with sirens until his vocal chords gave out.

He drowned the canvas in un-kept promises and hung it out to dry with childhood dreams.

Then came “Chasing the Void.” It was a story told in stark lighting. High beams on a backroad, swirling smoke and broken bottles. It was white glasses and white-powder lines on shark-nosed hood. It was going 115mph, bones rattling with the beat of the bass in his sound system. Ronan painted a black tattoo, used the blood on his knuckles to tint bloodshot eyes. His brush moved with his mother’s disappointment and his brother’s anger. Whimsical lines and Gansey’s head shaking when he found Ronan passed out yet again. He painted the highs and lows when sobriety reminded him that he hated the face that stared back at him in the mirror.

Each new piece he added to the collection was brought to Dr. Allen’s office. Together they worked through each memory associated with the piece and slowly Ronan felt the weight on his chest lighten.

Gansey visited every Monday and Friday like clockwork. He kept Ronan apprised to all the goings on of Monmouth and updates on Matthew and Declan. Ronan never asked for them, but he appreciated it regardless. His current obsession though seemed to be a new friend, Adam something. He had been going on for 30 minutes now about how this man single-handedly raised the Pig from the dead. Ronan tuned out most of the conversation, but nodded at what he assumed were appropriate moments while sketching.

“Ronan, are you even paying attention?” Gansey asked, irritation only slightly evident.

“Mmm?” Ronan hummed. “For sure. Pig. Smoke. Some new guy.”

“Essentially. I was saying that Noah and I are heading to his second job, the man works 2 jobs and is getting a masters can you believe it? Anyways Nino’s, so Noah can finally meet him and Blue. Have I mentioned her yet?”

Blue? He thought. Who the fuck names their kid Blue. “Once or twice.”

“Well they both work this afternoon, so I assume we’ll just hang there until they get off. Then maybe grab a bite. I wish you could come, I’m sure you’d get along nicely with Adam.” Gansey said, choosing to ignore the previous sarcasm and barrell on. Excelsior.

“Doubt it.” Guy sounds like a douche.

“On that note, thank you for another lovely visit. I’ll see you Monday, Ronan.” Gansey gathered his coat and made his way to the door with a final wave.

Ronan waved back with a single finger and a saccharine “Bye, Dick.” Then shoved his Airpods back into his ears and lost himself in the EMFS playlist.

*****

As Adam gathered the tub of dirty dishes from above the trash and made his way back to wash them, he was lost in thought. These last two weeks, recent events, had been so much and yet he strangely was beginning to feel some semblance of peace. He knew that Blue had wanted him to write letters to help him cope. If he was admitting to it helping, he also needed to be honest with himself in noting that it may have been hurting just as much. He was falling in love with a ghost. A figment of his imagination that he could tell his every secret too, someone who listened without judgment; Someone who never asked more of him than he could handle. It wasn’t healthy, wasn’t what Blue had intended, of that he was sure. But, if it brought him peace and allowed him to sleep without seeing cold, dead eyes, then what was the harm?

He rinsed the mugs and plates loading them efficiently into the dishwasher, and dried his hands. As he moved to toss the towel into the bin, he heard the bell chime above the cafe door. He made his way slowly to the front, knowing that Blue was currently handling the register meant that he didn’t need to rush. On his way down the hallway he stopped to straighten a missing cat flier on the community bulletin board, taking a moment to snap a picture of the cat in question so he could be on the lookout, then continued toward the front; eyes glued to his phone.

He rounded the corner towards the coffee bar to the tune of laughter, it seemed Gansey had arrived. His eyes found Blue first. For all her insistance that she loathed the man in question, she was positively glowing, head tossed back in a hearty laugh. Lost in the bubble of charm Gansey operated in.

“-And so I asked him, mind you I’ve had a lot to drink at this point, ‘Hey senator, why do you fucking hate poor peo-‘ Oh! Adam” Ganseys story of embarrassing his mother at one of her Republican fundraisers interrupted, as he caught sight of Adam sliding behind the bar.

“Hey Gans,” He smiled.

“My apologies, this is Noah.” Gansey stepped to the side to reveal the man in question, and Adam’s breath stopped.

There, eyes blue and wide with shock, mouth agape stood the man from the alley. The one whose scream still haunted Adam in the dark, solitary hours of sleep. The one that began his every nightmare of that night.

He was different now, tears weren’t pouring from his eyes to dance across the plains of his smudgey face. His blonde hair free of blood was slightly tousled, and his clothes were clean, albeit a little disheveled.

“No,” the word was a broken noise, barely a word at all, closer to a sob. Gansey and Blue looked frantically between the two for what seemed like an eternity before Noah spoke.

“It’s you…”

“Who? Noah, you know Adam?” Gansey’s voice was quietly confused.

Adam began to shake his head slowly, increasing with speed as his breath finally returned to him; Erratic and wild. Crocodile tears blurred his vision, and he finally croaked a simple question, “What… What was his name?”

“Ronan.”

“Oh, god” Blue breathed.

Adam ran, desperately fleeing the scene and chorus of his name called from the front. Ronan, his name was Ronan. Adam couldn’t breathe. His pain fresh, an un-mendable wound reopened now that he had a name to grieve. He paused, only long enough to grab his messenger bag from the back, and took the alley door.

Then he ran, faster than he’d ever remembered running. Tears turning the colors of the world around him to a haunting watercolor. His breath came in painful stabs, each beat of his bleeding heart an excruciating truth.

He somehow made it back to his apartment. The moment the door closed behind him he fell against it and slid to the floor. Ronan Ronan Ronan-

“R-Ronan.” He spoke the name the first time aloud, the feeling of its weight on his tongue was an answer to a question he’d been asking for a month. For a lifetime.

Adam didn’t know how long he sat on the floor, grief taking time and twisting it in on itself. An amalgam of pain, hopelessness, and questions. Gansey, Gansey knew Ronan, knew Noah. Noah the boy he’d last seen carted away in the back of an ambulance covered in red red red. Noah, who’d screamed for help like the world was shattering. Noah, who’d clung tightly to the shredded arms of a bleeding man in a dark alley.

Help me, his mind screamed, his internal voice morphing into Noah’s from that night.

Help me, I’m not okay…

A key twisting in the lock above his head brought his attention to the present. Adam pushed away from the door, and waited as Blue made her way into his dark apartment. Night had fallen sometime since he’d been here, on the floor, lost in the alley. Lost in a name.

“Hey,” she whispered.

“Th-that was-”

“I know. Noah told us after you left. Adam, there’s… Adam. I need to tell you something.”

It was a concentrated effort to drag his gaze from the space between their bodies on the floor to meet her eyes. Lights from the street poured through the window in the living room, painting Blue’s honey warm skin in a haunting glow. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, so he waited. He watched. She brought a trembling hand to his, her brown eyes lined with silver, she squeezed.

“Adam, he’s alive.”

A sob born of heartbreak and pain tore from his chest, he couldn’t form words. He broke then, completely and wholly. Blue came to cradle his head against her chest as he cried. Every hope he’d killed since the alley came barreling to the surface; All the pain and confusion, love and questions, beating like waves against the shores of his mind. Some minutes later he finally raised his head and met Blue’s eyes, her smile was wet and broken. He dragged his hand under his nose, across his eyes, and finally found the word to the question he needed to ask. “How?”

So Blue told him. Apparently, him finding Noah and Ronan in that alley, the tourniquet he’d made of his scarf, that extra minute he’d bought him had been enough. The doctors were able to stitch his wounds, and though it had been a close call, he’d pulled through. She explained that he’d had a hard life, though Gansey wouldn’t give details because he insisted those were Ronan’s to share when he was ready. He did however give her basic facts. Ronan Niall Lynch is an artist, a senior at Georgetown. He’s an orphan, and a brother. He’s an addict in recovery at a facility in Arlington, and Gansey’s third roommate.

Blue explained that, when Adam was ready Gansey and Noah wanted to meet with him, to talk more. She offered to accompany him when that time came, but they all agreed they wouldn’t push him until he was ready. “Thank you,” he’d said to Blue. For getting the information. For telling him. For allowing him space. She understood that his history made this difficult, an addict for a soulmate was something he would need time to process. She eventually asked if he wanted to be alone and when he’d told her “yes” she kissed his forehead, and made her way to the door.

“Adam,” she paused, and he looked up. “We’ll wait on your text okay? Whenever you’re ready. But please check in so I know you’re safe.”

“I will.”

With a perfunctory nod she slid back out the door.

Adam spent another minute in silence before dragging himself from the floor. He made his way in a daze to his desk and he collapsed into his chair. Slowly, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper.

His hand shook.

He took a deep breath.

He wrote.

Ronan,

You’re alive…

**********************

Art Pieces and their correlating songs (linked):

“The Fall” The War- SYML

“Chase The Void” For What It’s Worth- Malia J

#bd au #pynch #pynch fic #Adam Parrish #ronan lynch #ronan x adam #blue sargent #gansey #richard campbell gansey iii #gangsey #soulmate au

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