#i think im just lonely but the idea of just being part of a collective like that. connected at a level beyond language and physical touch

[funnywormz]

im gonna be honest. if star trek was real i would probably go find my nearest borg cube and get assimilated lol. obv the borg suck bc they force assimilation without consent but still......... something abt the concept of being asssimilated is so oddly compelling to me it's like a siren song......... i kinda want to be borg............. i can't even begin to wonder what implications this has abt my psychological state LMAO 😐😐😐

[thatluckystar]

i forgot about epic mickey for awhile and then all the sudden my heart started hurting. and i listened to the soundtrack and got teary eyed so 🙄 i suppose i miss epic mickey with all my heart and i am back. anyway i half remembered this one AU i never really wrote down but heres an oswald from it

there was nothing too special about this AU, it was more like an epic mickey plus story. so epic mickey with all the concept art and fan ideas i found cool were added.

In this version, toons without hearts would slowly lose paint from their bodies. In the past, this was fine. But then the Blot attacked, and the Blot took paint from the land. Instead of paint regenerating itself, it became a limited resource. Many toons could not find paint, so parts of them slowly became stone until they were completely frozen. A majority of toons are mostly disabled and only use a small amount of paint on their limbs that need it most; like their face, hands, neck, etc. Oswald is not exempt from this (although, he does have paint puddles across Mickeyjunk Mountain that he has lone access to). The metal contraptions on his arms are expandable crutches, so if his legs do turn to stone, he can still make his way towards paint to collect it. Even if someone were lucky enough to survive this ordeal, ink from the Blot covered parts of the land. The toxicity of the ink slowly drove toons insane. Even someone such as Oswald, who hid in his fortress, still acted incredibly odd because of the effects. While the ink corrupted some, turning them into mindless blotlings, those who were not corrupted still had worrying side effects. For someone such as Oswald, it could be seen his emotional state was very unstable: flipping back and forth between hostility and hospitality. Many toons would not leave their homes, as their homes were the only places not affected by the ink.

i gotta be tbh i dont remember where i was going with the paint idea 🤔 but the au incorporated a lot of elements of steampunk (epic mickey not being steampunk is criminal) as well as just a more coherent plot. wasteland kept the vibe of those eerie concept arts that make their way onto top 10 scariest disney characters watchmojo lists. i think i made oswald more of a morally gray character but ill be honest i didnt write a single thing down abbt this AU so im just grabbing at straws (this is a lie i wrote one chapter of a story and thats it). i think it was a twist on the orginal corruption idea with the stormblot, so the toons that could find paint were still drove slightly insane by the exposure of ink. idk if i ever remmeber anything else ill write it down in a different post.

[midwestdiscontent24]

the horvath of it all part 2

so i know my last post was less than 12 hours ago, but i still want to write so im going it because whose going to tell me i cant?

I think i want to write a book of personal essays. It feels like that would be easier than writing fiction, because all the things have actually happened to me already. Granted, im probably way underestimating how hard and labor intensive writing a book is, but i have things to say that i want people to read. Thats why im writing on here instead of my physical journal or a google doc.

Last october i read all of samantha irbys essay books so of course i wanted to write my own and i actually started to try and do it but of course i gave up and moved on to something else, but i really do want to pick it up again. Granted, im not going to do cocaine just for an interesting writing piece, a la hannah horvath, but i might consider it if im hard up for material.

Or maybe i just want to write online. i mean, thats a thing now. I could start writing a blog and get super popular online. I wish magazines were still a thing. i guess i could make a zine, but thats alot of work and ive done that before and only ended up making one. But to be fair it did look really cool when it was done.

I feel like i have all this creative talent that i just never really do anything with. I can write and create art in a non traditional way; like i cant really draw all that well but i can make a good collage and im relatively good at cross stitch and im good at matching colors.

Part of me feels like im atrophied. not just creatively, but in life in general. Which really should be the opposite of how i feel. In april i moved into my first solo apartment and as much as i love living alone, yeah its kinda lonely. My old roommate moved to wisconsin to be with his girlfriend so now i have this wonderful big one bedroom and i adore it and being able to be the master of my space but i get lonely sometimes and end up rotting in bed for hours on end. I think it would help if i had more friends, but meeting and liking new people has never been my thing. At least not in my adult life.

not to switch up topics so quickly, but i think i want to start reading again. At least i like the notion and idea of reading. I have an almost full book shelf in my living room and more than half of the books on it are ones i havent read yet. And my problem is i just keep buying more. Its not like im having people over all the time that i want to impress with my massive literary collection so i dont know why i keep buying them other than its an aspirational thing, like if i have them it might motivate me to actually read them rather than letting them sit and collect dust while i rewatch the devil wears prada for the millionth time. my other problem is that i keep rereading the same books over and over instead of reading the brand new ones that i have. I do the same thing with tv shows and movies and music. Its like i can only live in the past.

That may just be like, a life problem that i have. Im a huge sucker for nostalgia and remembering old times in a rosy light. The other day i was nostalgic for 2021. Thats fucking pathetic, especially considering that i was living in my aunts basement and working at subway during that time. But i always sugar coat the past, thats why i can never move on. Half of the conversations i have with my mother start with me saying "do you remember when". The other day i booted up my old ipod and found a bootleg of a 5sos song thats not on streaming and i literally cried listening to it and remembering what it was like to listen to that same song when i was in high school.

[portmantaur]

not to be Old Man Yells At Cloud but it just seems like so much of social media these days exists almost exclusively as a method to be Mean to others, and im always sort of flabbergasted at how much of this (I think) could be mitigated if we (collective, non-specific We) were more curious about others and their experience than rooted in a sense of unshakable self-righteousness.

& maybe this is just very specifically a product of me slowly understanding and deconstructing my own trauma responses, which largely manifest as a deep insecurity with being Even A Little Wrong that then translates either directly into combative socialization or the tendency to make sweeping statements about the world & others with little consideration for their possible particular idiosyncrasies.

like even the common caveats of “this is just my opinion” or “based on my personal experience” seem, to me, to have largely gone away. & I have seen others explain this sort of thing away with accusations of dwindling media literacy, & im not inclined to dismiss that concept entirely, but I also wonder why that type of reflection, at least when I have come across it (or participated in it), seems to pretty strictly be directed outward. I have observed this idea that all responsibility is solely upon the reader/watcher/etc to build their literacy muscles, and that almost no responsibility should be laid at the feet of the person composing the message.

but I also think this comes from, at least in small part, the way social media is largely less about actual communication - actual two-or-more-way conversation - than it is about consumption. Even when we feel we are expressing something important or impactful, we are not generally open to question or critique. We are mainly seeking mostly silent acknowledgment of our conclusions, agreement reflected via likes & reblogs. & I don’t necessarily think there’s anything inherently wrong with that, especially if it exists alongside actual open communication. I just don’t personally see very much of the latter taking place, which causes me to see the former with suspicion.

& there’s the very real possibility that I am misunderstanding the most basic intended use for social media. maybe I am seeking a purpose it was never meant to serve. after all, I suppose this post in itself isn’t that much different, given that for me it’s 2:35 am and I am not expecting it to start conversations. I guess just a wee part of me finds these experiences rather lonely, and I wonder if setting a slightly incoherent message in a bottle adrift on the internet might happen to find someone else who also feels that sort of way. & so maybe, really, what I’ve spent this whole post interpreting as a resistance to communicate is more akin to simply seeking very specific human connection. & I can’t condemn that even a little, really.

[sacharowan]

hello it is i the talon anon making a triumphant return with some more brainrot because i'm officially done with my other committments and i enjoy sharing thoughts

current thoughts are about the song the feud.

could this perhaps be all three of them collectively realising they have actual feelings for them (perhaps specifically charles having internalised that sewis are this singular collective and he isn't part of it because he doesn't have their history (a la his angst in our most recent insight into his funky little brain)

so like the scenario in my brain is currently sewis trying to be a bit more relationshippy but not actually communicating with charles (because idiot men) and charles being the one to have a bit of a breakdown and telling them to admit they just see him as a fwb situation and hes totally fine with that (he isn't) but they cant just be all coupley with him and expect him to accept it - queue sewis realising that they are idiots

(or alternatively sewis think charles doesnt want to be more than a fwb situation and they try and tell him that and he goes like oh okay i guess i'll go then and then they have all this miscommunication and THEN the above scenario happens)

as usual im sure if im entirely wrong whatever you have is like significantly better but thats todays current brainrot

hello!!! I also enjoy you sharing thoughts dw :))

oooh okay. the feud was one I originally had difficulty with deciding who it would be for. I'm still not entirely sure whether I'm happy with what I decided and your thoughts have definitely given me new dimensions to look at.

I'd categorised it as sebchal at first, but I can definitely see what you're saying with it being the three of them. it's very interesting.

miscommunication is a huge part of this series so I definitely see the appeal of your idea. gonna put it in my planning document because it makes so much sense. it sounds so fun to write as well. some of the parts have been effortless to write and work on, like lone star and santa monica, but tattooed tears was wrenched out laboriously.

I really like your first idea and it's given me so many thoughts which are going to end up in my drabbles document no doubt. I'm so excited!!!

your asks give me life tbh and the motivation to write this series (and escape the damning writer's block lol)

[aaducharme]

Here we go again

Is it true? Does my world really revolve around, well, you?

Without this carrot dangling above my head, without the promise of a reward, would I still perform?

And really, what does it matter? So long as we are clean and sober. And is it you, or is it the fact that I am a lover? If you weren't here, would my sobriety disappear? Because really, what's the point of being sober if there is no us, if there is no "together".

I love love. I do. And I do love you too.

Don't get me wrong, I think about you all day long. I think about how you're so big and strong, I listen to your songs, and how one day you winked, and I was gone. I just want to defy the odds and prove them wrong. I want to show them that together, we belong.

But its more than that. You're not just a point I am trying to prove, you are not just a strategic move. « Sunflowers in your eyes, I am the Bonnie to your Clyde ». No one has ever made me feel more alive - call it destiny or call it fate, I know for certain I found my soul mate.

Because if you were just a lesson, just a simple answer to a question, I would not have fought so hard for you. Do you have any idea what you put me through? You are not just another tattoo, and I wont be part of your collection. Because while you were going through your depression, describing to me in detail your hallucinations, I was there, there was no question.

Not only was I there, I had my own shit to bare. My life was upside down, I thought I was going to drown, I was falling apart at the seams until one day you slowly came back to me, it almost felt like a dream: "Babe, we're a team - I want to do better so we can succeed" and in that moment I knew, I felt it in my bones, I was no longer carrying all this weight alone.

And even though watching you suffer broke my heart, in the end it made us tougher but there is still something I want you to know: I need you now, more than ever. I may put on a smile sometimes but im tired, im lonely and late at night I start to worry. So please do me this one favour: remind me again and again how you will not waver.

I love the way your name sounds in my mouth, how it looks on my skin. My patience wears thin, and here we go again..

[volinare]

my in-depth experience with each of the powers because you totally asked:

the Buried: running out of air is pretty clearly not great, but I've always had sort of a weird fascination with the general concepts explored in the buried. I used to tell people my greatest fear was being buried alive because I couldn't actually think of anything. I think part of the reason this one doesn't bother me as much is I haven't really had any close encounters with it. One of the ways it manifests is financial issues which is something I haven't had to deal with in an extreme way, so even that i haven't really brushed with it. I like heavy rain though.

the Corruption: Most of the traditionally scary stuff associated with this I've never really minded? I've definitely had interaction with infestations, maggots, mold, etc. but not in a way that felt unnaturally scary. Still gross, obviously. However, the unhealthy obsessions and such are something that I've had issues with and I would say just compared to other people I've met I've had more interaction with all parts of this fears.

the Dark: i will say that being alone on a dark night will get my heart beating, but I've been pretty desensitized to it. I don't have any specific scenarios or anything that would make me flip out like with some of the other fears here. The concept of 'being in the dark' about something has always bothered me, I'm not 100% sure thats covered under this but yes. I hate the idea of not knowing something and information being passed around behind me. But again, pretty desensitized to it in all aspects. (still one of the scarier ones)

the Desolation: This one is pretty fucked up imo. Pointless destruction, the idea that it can just come out of no where? I can see this manifesting too as sudden losses in ability, the death of children, and natural disasters and stuff but idk. The Desolation is also grouped pretty close to the Slaughter in my mind. Lots of scary points for this one, I hate consequences.

the End: One of the less severe ones for me. There are waves sometimes where I fear a sudden death for me or other people, but I would group the specifics of my fears closer to the Desolation than the end. I guess the grief is overwhelming and never ending though. The wiki also says the end has close ties to dreams and i have a lot of pretty fucked dreams so

The eye: you KNOW i get the eye. My truman show delusion? seeking answers even if they destroy me? Feeling as if im being watched or followed? Not to be basic but I'd say this is one that I have a close connection with. Also the general concept in the Magnus Archives of collecting stories and experiencing them vividly as you consume them is something I appreciate, as i think most people who take the time to listen to a 200+ episode fiction podcast can relate to.

the flesh:

the hunt: the only time i've experienced this one is in conjunction with the Eye. I think that might be the case for most humans? I tried to lie here but I gotta say, I do occasionally imagine hunting people. That fantasy used to be so scary to me that I would over correct and not even be able to hurt people in video games. I'm still pretty strict about my video game morals but I loosened up after having a weird freak out in front of friends because I was scared that they would see me play the end of Sally Face and Know.tm. It's weird. My relationship with this fear is weird.

the Lonely: creepy in a way I feel completely disconnected from? I think I have such a constant relationship with the eye that this one is a bit hard to conceptualize. From what i can tell its different from being bullied or shunned. Like its about complete lonelyness. Which, scary but hard for me to truly get. I think too, my relationship with the lonely would be closely tied to the Spiral.

the Slaughter: I am a pussy <3

the Spiral: my bitch! My life is the Spiral. I grab the Spiral by the waste, dip it low and kiss the Spiral deeply on the lips. Seriously though, being like 'this is the box that shit that just doesn't make sense goes in' has helped me so much. That's kinda ironic now that I think about it, thinking about the Spiral as an entity has lowered my fear of the Spiral significantly. Although I've never had much fear of the Spiral until the last year or so before that I was just Alice in Wonderlanding it up. Recently has been fucking with me a lot.

the Stranger: I interact with this a lot but its not high on my fear list. I think its like the Eye where its so present that I'm like 'ah yes. Im vaguely unsettled'. I also just don't really get the uncanny valley effect (autism) so i think that takes a lot of the punch away. The anglerfish is one of my fav episodes.

The Vast: Scary but I force myself to face it a lot. Like the dark though where it sometimes gets my blood pumping lol. Also another one that I sometimes seek out, like I love floating in deep water and wide open spaces like big fields and shit.

The Web: HOLY shit. Spiders are cool though.

[bunny-rambles]

YES!! LET US SHOWER RUE MORE AFFECTION AND KITHS HE SO DESERVE EJSKOAIA 😭😭👍 I love how the way you portayed them, bun!! it was so melancholy to the heart but sweet to the tongue that make it somehow bittersweet but pretty nostalgic for me 😫💖

Also, while I'm reading your latest fic, I was listening to the Reprise version of Part of Your World and Hksysksuso ITS SO PERFECT I WANNA HUG HIM SUSJSJ

That brings me back to my brainrot earlier when i was watching Little Mermaid with my baby cousin susksi like at first he wanted to take everything from albedo to himself, want to be him and do the things that his brother do, but when he met you, he now wanted to do it WITH you 😭👍 instead of being alone. He wanted to be in the sun with you, not in the frigid cold of dragonspine. He wanted to walk hand in hand with you. He wanted you to smile at HIM, not because he was pretending to be Albedo, but because he was Rue. Imagine him contemplating what should he do just to ensure you will stay beside him 😫

What would I give to live where you are? What would I pay to stay here beside you? What would I do to see you smiling at me? Where would we walk, where would we run, if we could stay all day in the sun? Just you and me, and I could be part of your world.

The last verse of the song hit differenly to me because I think here, Rue will at least come in terms that he would want to be a part of your world as himself, not as Albedo or anyone but he himself 😭🖐

I don't know when, I don't know how. But I know something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be part of your world.

Anyway, forgive my preamble. I have no one to talk to with my brainrots bc im too shy n awkward 😅😅

- lurker anon

Aww lurker, thank you so much for the kind words !! I’m sorry this has taken so long to answer, I wanted to properly respond to all of it instead of doing it when I’m half asleep hehe

But the brainrot really made me smile,,, and yes omg it fits so well for my baby Ruby yesyesyes !!

I was trying to go for a similar idea of Ruby finally focussing on someone else other than Albedo and focusing on an emotion that wasn’t resentment or bitterness.

some ramblings utc

Ruby as Ariel, that’s such a cute idea- their personalities are very, very different but in a way there’s a lot of similarities. Rubedo is probably very curious about the world and ooh, do you think he collects things he comes across in Dragonspine? I can see him having a collection of interesting things he finds, like the random diaries hidden around in the snow, or maybe some crystals he found pretty enough to keep.

He’s also very outcasted from society, just like Ariel was but she chose that (I felt that- people are exhausting sometimes), with Ruby it’s kind of forced upon him- he’s invested in so many ideas going on in his head he’s not realising what he’s missing, or that the empty feeling in his chest isn’t caused by Albedo, but by how the only person in his life decided to throw him away. Lonely - he feels lonely. He’s been abandoned for so long he’s forgotten what it feels like to be around others. That is, until he meets you.

Ah he probably hates the new, fuzzy feeling in his chest at first. He tries to find something to be bitter or pessimistic about you when you’re kind to him, but it’s almost impossible. You’re so sweet to him, it completely throws him off. When had anyone been kind to a failure like him? He secretly hopes you never find out his true origins so he can just live out a perfect fantasy life with you. Around you, he forgets about Albedo, forgets the revenge he’s been planning - with enough time, on some days he completely forgets he was an experiment in the first place.

You make him feel alive, human even. Sure, he can still be stuck in his stubborn pessimistic ways (again, I felt that - maybe I’m projecting a little too much) but with you, there’s happiness for him. And even the smallest amount is enough for him.

On a more personal note - I love Ariel !! She has her flaws but she’s s pretty solid Disney princess (and we’re both curious red heads heh) but she’s extremely positive while I believe it’ll take a hell of a lot of healing for Rubedo to even think of something in a more brighter way. He’ll get there, don’t worry !! He’s got you, of course <3

[fictional-scenarios]

hello! can i request an angsty fic with aizawa and f! reader where they break up? thank you!

i hope you enjoy this! i did it from his perspective, hope thats okay! also i know he probably wouldn’t actually be like this in a relationship, but for the fic, this is the only way i could see him being at fault :3

always appreciate reblogs and comments! if you’d lie to support me, here’s my ko-fi!

In the worst of the aftermath, Aizawa was not angry. He was never angry, not truly. Not even when he’d snap at his friends for bringing up her name, or when he’d feel rage churning in his stomach at the thought of her being with another. He was never angry. 

He was sad. So devastatingly, core achingly sad, that it kept him bed ridden for days at a time. Work, come home, eat and sleep. It wouldn't end. 

He’d always considered his quant home a safe haven, but lately it’d been feeling like a prison. It felt like a haunting museum, little bits of her as far as the eye could see. The memories were so vivid, he could still almost see the figure of her standing in his doorway. He could see her leaning on the window sill peering outside. He could see her shoes by the front door, her toothbrush in a cup upon his sink. He could see her under the covers with him, hushed laughter and soft snoring into the early morning.

Even now, he see’s her beside him in bed. He see’s the indent of where she should be, now terribly empty. It makes him feel cold, alone. 

But, being alone had never been a huge issue to him before all this. In fact, he knows it was the downfall of him. 

She’d just wanted him to go out with her now and then. She just wanted to take photos with him, hold his hand out in public without feeling like she’d been forcing him. 

Aizawa buries his face in his hands, his back leaning against the cold wall, blanket curled around his waist like a weight. 

All she had wanted was just a little more life. Just a few more kisses, a few more hugs. A few more signs that he truly cared for her, but he wouldn’t hear of it. She knew he loved her, why couldn’t that be enough? 

He refused public dates that weren’t anniversaries or events. He hated photos. He hated when she’d clasp fingers around his own, hated it because all it brought was attention. Paparazzi's scavenging and ruining every affectionate and tender moment they’d shared together in public. 

He never understood why it had to be public. He couldn’t wrap his mind around why she would insist they get out and so something together. Why couldn't hanging out in the seclusion of his home be enough?

Always so stubborn, especially when it would have been the correct time to give in. His annoyance and unwillingness to be anything other than slow moving and low maintenance drove her away from him. He was just fine being on his own, so why couldn't she?

‘I feel like you’re embarrassed of me,’ She’d cried, having hit her breaking point. ‘I feel like you don’t even really care about me.”

Aizawa’s jaw tightens. Of course I care about you. Why else would I want you here?

He should have said that. But, he didn’t. Just silently witnessed the destruction unsure of what to do next. Unsure of whether to argue, or remain dormant and quiet. Not quite apathetic, but he was never one for a shouting match. 

Unfortunately, he chose to remain still in the face of a crumbling heart. 

‘Even now, you won’t say a word. You don’t ever talk to me, Shota. You never ask how my day was, or if I want to go do anything. Why do I feel like I’m just here so you’re not lonely?’ She’d had fat tears welling in the pits of her eyes. She looked drained, broken. ‘I need more,’ Voice cracking, a terrible realization she’d stumbled upon. ‘I need more than that.’ 

It was a tense moment of silence. She shook her head and choked back a harsh sob.

‘Then that’s it.’ Lip trembling, feeling unwanted. ‘I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m leaving.’

At the lucid memory, Aizawa wish's he could go back and punch himself in the head. Say something, you idiot, he’d scream. Tell her to stay.

She’d passed him by, and the door slammed shut before he even turned to watch her go. 

It’s been weeks now, and he can’t seem to get his head right. It’d taken days before she came to collect her things, something he hoped would never come to be. A stupid part of him believed that she’d come around for some reason. It’d happened before- her storming out, him never changing, her missing him enough to just... Get over it. This time, however, was much different. 

Sinking in the memories, Aizawa feels his throat tighten at everything she’d said, and even worse, everything he didn’t say. His phone lights up beside him. 

yamada: are you still moping in there???? come out w us tonight! you need to get outta bed at some point

yamada: its been weeeeeeks!!!!!!! come on!!!!!!!

Aizawa knows he does. He knows his friend has been trying to get him to leave since it happened, but it’s hard.  He answered his friend, deciding that tonight he would in fact go out for a few hours just to clear his mind- anything is starting to become better than seeing a home empty of her. He sends the message, and his heart grows heavy.

He said yes to his friends when he was feeling sorry for himself, but never for her. He knew he deserved it, but it hurt not having her anymore. Especially when all he had to do was say yes sometimes. 

What stung the most was that he didn’t get to see her when she came to collect all her items, cram them into a box and leave for the last time. He’d hoped at that point, if it ever came to that, he could convince her to stay. But.. She hadn’t told him she was coming. Perhaps because she knew she was bound to give in. 

He came from from U.A., hoping that she’d be there, sleeping soundly or sitting terse on the couch ready for an argument ending conversation. 

But, she wasn’t there. In fact, nothing of her was. All her things vacated. Everything but the memory of her stripped away. 

Aizawa had stood stunned in the doorway. Then, it all came crashing down. She was serious this time. It was set in stone.

She’d really left him.

He didn’t think she’d actually leave him. Arguments were always so easy for Aizawa. He was a firm believer in ‘take me as a I am, or don’t take me at all.’ But, he’d never realized just how much changing she’d done for him. 

When he’d first met her at a group outing, she was full of life. She was bouncy and energetic. She had a sea of friends, a world of opportunities. But with him, with Aizawa’s stubbornness combined with her need and want to spend time with him, she went out less and less. Contacts in her phone dwindled from a vast ocean to merely puddles. 

Seldom she went out, and on the rare occasions she was able to get Aizawa to go, she’d dress in her best just for him to chastise her. ‘We’re not going anywhere that fancy,’ he’d remark, not noticing how her eyes fell. ‘Aren’t you a little over dressed?’

Guilt tore up his heart, now. She was always so beautiful dressed up like that, how could he ever say those things? Too late did he notice how she’d changed everything for him. Lost friends, missed outings, just so she could remain by his side. He did everything wrong and wasn't even willing to see it. He felt like a neglectful, stubborn, ass. 

Forcing himself up from bed, it takes all his strength to get up and wander into the bathroom. He’d need to start getting ready then if he was to go later. He was a slow moving creature, after all. Lazily, mentally drained and exhausted, he opens the mirror and pulls his toothbrush from the little shelves inside. The mirror swings shut and he’s met with his dreadful reflection. 

His eyes are even darker, redder, than they ever were with his quirk. Even he could tell he looked worse for wear. Drained, emotionally vacant yet so powerfully overrun with them at the same time. He looked dead. He brings the toothbrush to his teeth, but can’t bring himself to find the motivation to actually begin cleaning up. 

So tired. 

He just wants to sleep again. 

He wants to text her. But he doesn’t.

Tossing the toothbrush into the sink, resting his elbows on the edges and allowing his head to hang in sorrow, he wonders what she’s doing right now. It’s a warm Friday evening, the blue sky wide and clear. He’s sure she’s going out tonight, finally allowing herself the freedom to make up for all the time she’d missed with her friends. Friday’s were always Aizawa’s least favorite day. He just knew she’d want to go out, and he’d always combat it with a movie she’d been wanting to see, coming up with some random excuse as to why it wouldn’t be an ideal idea to go out. 

Then, he’d ignore how she sadly watched her friends social media stories about the night, and ignored their texts asking why she’s never around anymore.

God, what he would give for one more Friday night with her. He’d dress up, he’d take her somewhere so nice even he would be afraid he couldn’t afford the food. Her and all her friends. Whoever she wants, the whole world if need be. He’d do anything she wanted, strut her to a party on a red-carpet. Anything just for another Friday night. 

Aizawa’s eyes cast back up to his reflection. A lump forms in his throat, he watches his eyes glisten with tears. He wants to fall into the floor and forget about everything. 

Pushing himself away from the sink, he shake his head and gags on how tight his threat feels. Without even a moments hesitation, he finds himself right back in his room, pulls the covers aside, and drowns in them all over again. It’s dark, it’s cold. His own rooms uninviting without her. 

Yet, he can’t seem to bring himself to leave it.

His phone sits on his pillow. Aizawa opens his friends message. 

‘im going to stay in tonight. thank you for inviting me. im tired’

Aizawa doesn’t even want to see the messages his friend instantly starts blowing his phone up with. Instead, seconds after the text sends, he holds the power button until the entire screen goes black. He rolls over to face the wall, and he feels like he’s made of led. He swallows hard and gives into sleep all over again. His arm slings around a pillow, and he clutches it to his chest. 

A forever inanimate reminder of where she once laid. 

[filterjeons]

private show | jjk

✦ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

✦ summary: throughout your relationship, you never thought jungkook would ask a certain type of action from you. however, you take it into consideration...without the intention of him nearly catching you

✦ rating: M, not suitable for minors

✦ genre: smut

✦ word count: 7.4k

✦ warnings: dom!jungkook, sub!reader, tsundere!reader, rough & unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it!!), dirty talk, degradation bc im a whore for that, masterbation, voyeurism, oral (f receiving), fingering, orgasm denial

Honestly, you didn’t know what you did in your past life to earn a man like Jungkook but you weren’t complaining one bit anyways. By just one look at you, people assumed you weren’t the type to have a boyfriend and you would spend the rest of your life alone. Luckily, you managed to prove them all wrong by being with someone who loved you for the way you were instead of your money. 

It was a blessing and a curse to be born into a rich family of doctors who expected you to be the heir of the family hospital. Despite having your future already planned for you, you fell in love with playing the violin after being introduced to it when you were young. The feeling of holding the violin against your jaw as the bow ran across the strings to produce a classical melody that you’ve familiarized yourself with throughout the years. 

You would much rather be at a violin recital in a beautiful dress playing one of Bach’s sonatas than being cooped up in your room studying biology. However, your parents didn’t feel the same way. 

When you were about 6, you ranked second at a competition against tons of kids who were in their later-preteens but that wasn’t enough to prove to your parents how much you loved music. They took it as a sign of failure because “it’s not being first” and always used that argument against you to emphasize on how you have to be at the top of your class. 

“Mommy! Guess what, I got second place! Second out of a bunch of bigger kids! I didn’t expect-” you squealed, kicking the back of the limo’s glass partition. Instead of candy, you were buzzing with excitement due to how well you placed in your county’s music recital. But what you didn’t know was that even a place close to first was never enough. “Why didn’t you get first?” 

As those words ran through your ears, you felt your blood run cold and the eyes that were dancing of excitement and joy started to dull. You clutched your certificate tightly, tears starting to swell up. 

“That’s because there was a sixth grader who was better than me and she was really good, she can play the piano-” “You see, if you can’t get first then you shouldn’t pursue a career in music. It’s too hard and competitive for you anyways. How about you focus on your studies, especially since you’re going to take over the hospital when you’re older.” 

Up until last year which was your freshman year of college, you obeyed them by devoting your time to studying and only treating music as just a hobby while you hide your feelings along the way. Now that you think about it, you barely had friends during high school since every break period, you were always alone in the music room and you were too stubborn to go up to people. The only reason why you would talk to someone is to work on a group project but it ended up being that you would do all of the work while they slack off. 

Everyday felt dull and uninteresting, especially since you’re being put in a fate that you don’t even want. But like some stupid cliche, it all changed ever since you met him. 

You didn’t even intend to meet him, hell you barely knew he existed. But the night of your chemistry midterm, the apartment next to you decided to have a party which most of the school is invited to and blast loud music that could be heard from the next town over. 

It couldn’t get any worse as you were already stressed from college and your parent’s crazy expectations and you were definitely not failing otherwise you’re dead meat. Normally, you would just try to sleep it out with earplugs but since you barely ate anything but coffee and granola bars and you were tired from the 24 hour studying, that was your last straw. So you did the thing a person would do in your situation: marching over to the party in your purple star-printed nightgown to give them a piece of your mind. 

Already at the door, you could feel people’s stares burn into you, due to why you came to the party when you didn’t bother interacting with people and why you were in your pajamas. Maybe people were going to talk about you on Instagram but you didn’t care, you just wanted to ensure that you have enough sleep so you could at least pass. 

Unfortunately for you, you must’ve looked extremely stupid because you were wandering around the same area like a drunk man. Random people did offer to get you a drink but you declined; after all it was a school night. Eventually you gave up trying to even bother talking after seeing the host, local frat boy Jackson Wang, surrounded by the rest of the partygoers in a beer pong game. 

Frustrated and exhausted, you hauled yourself up to a seemingly empty room and collapsed onto the bed. Not only did you enter a college party in your pajamas but you wasted precious time studying over something idiotic like this. With all of these negative emotions inside of you, screaming inside a pillow was the first thing that came into your mind. And unfortunately, someone had to be the witness of your near mental breakdown. 

“Woah, is everything okay?” a velvety voice chuckled, patting your back slightly. Well, another reason why your night is absolute shit. You turned your face up to chew off the mysterious person but for some reason, your voice was all caught up in your throat. 

He was different, different from all of the boys that ever interacted with you. Despite you being a complete loner, the guys in your high school tried to hook up with you but you were never interested. They stunk of axe and the only reason why they’re “popular” is because they were on a sports team. Besides, you were too busy in your academics to even think about dating. 

You couldn’t really see him but the guy who’s in the room with you looks better than every single guy in your high school combined: his long dark hair in a mini-ponytail contrasting with his cute bunny-like face. 

“Wh-who are you?” “Jeon Jungkook. I’m a member of the boxing team and my family owns a records shop downtown. What about you?” 

“I-i-” “Aren’t you Y/N, the smart girl who doesn’t talk to anybody and spends her time either studying or in the music room with her violin?” Thank god the room is dark because your face was burning up badly. Barely anyone knew you and if they did, they had bad things to say about you because you were so quiet and boring. However, what he said was a fact and you shouldn’t blame him for having an impression on you due to what other people said. It hurted nonetheless though, especially since he was a part of a sports team. 

“Yeah, that’s me. What do you want? If it’s homework answers, then fine!” you snapped, immediately standing up and walking away. You were absolutely done with this night, all you wanted to do is sleep so you have some sanity tomorrow. 

“You sure are feisty. It’s cute,” he said with a cocky grin stuck on his face. Oh, how you wanted to slap it off. 

“If you’re asking me out, I’m not interested!” you fought back. Although you were one step out of the door, something about him made you want to stay. Like you wanted to talk to him. 

“I didn’t say anything about that but if you want it that way-”

“No! I-I’m sorry for acting all rude, I’m just having a really bad night and I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone,” you mumbled, turning on the light. Oh how it was a bad idea..

Now that you could really see his face clearly, your heart felt like it was about to explode. He was dressed in a simple all-black T-shirt and jeans with combat boots to match. What really captivated you were the tattoos on his hand and up to his elbow, each symbol and design etched out beautifully which must’ve taken hours. 

Although you were at least wearing clothes, you felt exposed due to the stupid pajamas you have on. He somehow sensed your embarrassment and gave you a small smirk which made it ten times worse. 

“Well, do you want to explain why you were screaming in a pillow earlier?” Normal you definitely wouldn’t spill her feelings to a hot guy she just met five minutes ago but with him, you felt safe. Like for one night, all your worries and feelings are immediately gone and it’s just you and him. 

Was this the stupid shit they call “love at first sight”? 

“My midterm is tomorrow and I can’t sleep from all of the noise so I came here to yell at the host of the party. Jackson Wang, fuck you and your decision to host a party today,” you sighed, settling yourself next to him. You would expect him to immediately laugh and make fun of you since it was something a lot of people did to you whenever you cared about your grades. Instead, he looked at you with understandment and listened to what you had to say. 

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I went to this stupid party in the first place,” he replied, making you snort out a laugh. As you were trying to collect yourself from his statement, Jungkook’s mouth turned up into a small smile. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t expect that. Anyways, I guess I should get going since I have a big day ahead of me,” you smiled, feeling a small weight being lifted off of your shoulders. As you trudge out the door, Jungkook’s arm stops yours for a second. 

“Do you think I can have your phone number? Not for dating but you sound like a really cool person to be around and no offense but you seem lonely.” “Thanks for the compliment. But here you go,” you said sarcastically, scribbling down your phone number on a random piece of stationary in the drawer next to the bed. Maybe this is all a fever dream, maybe you’re hallucinating due to how little sleep you’ve gotten during midterm week. 

“I’ll see you soon…” he waved you goodbye as you gave a final look at the door. He was interesting but now isn’t the time to be distracted! You’re pretty sure that if you pinch yourself, you’ll be back in your dorm since this is just a dream? “Also, d-don’t take it the wrong way! It’s not like I like you or anything! I just wrote down my number because you asked nicely! We’re never going to date!” Not only did you pass your midterm but your last line to Jungkook in the stuffy college party would become your famous last words. 

It’s been years since you and Jungkook met at that party and a lot has changed then. You started to grow feelings and date him a few weeks after your midterm, eventually making the relationship official in a month. After a few months into dating, he introduced his parents to you first. They were a sweet family with amazing home cooked meals which you were dying to recreate and luckily, they accepted you with open arms. 

However, him meeting your parents wasn’t that smooth. Now that you look back on that day, not only were you permanently deciding to be with the one that you love but it also felt like you were breaking free out of the shell that your parents trapped you in because you didn’t want to go down the path they set for you. 

You shook your head to yourself, not wanting to be reminded of the painful past. Now, you were a violinist playing in recitals and companies and Jungkook was running his parent’s record shop. You were happy and you didn’t care about what your stupid parents think. They can simply ask someone else to run the hospital and it’ll still be fine. 

As soon as the practice track ended, you turned off the metronome and packed your violin away. The apartment that you and Jungkook shared was average-sized, a notable difference from the mansion you used to live in but it was better. You were with the person you love and that’s all you could ever need. It may sound corny but a simple life with him was all you ever wanted. 

After you pack away your violin, you impatiently wait alongside the door for Jungkook to get home. Right now, he has boxing practice for a match next week and he wanted to stay with his teammate Taehyung to be the best that he can but he’s stopping by for a day. You’re not into boxing but like the good girlfriend you were, you attend most of his matches (some conflicted with your performances) and cheer him on. 

Although you miss having him by your side, you’re also aware of how much boxing means to him as it was a break from the hectic life of owning a music store. Another positive in your new life was the amount of music there was, a good break from the science and math that filled your childhood. 

You heard some jiggling among the door locks and surely enough, Jungkook’s handsome face was in your view. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and some blue jeans, a very simple outfit after spending most of his time at the boxing gym. 

“Hey baby,” he cooed, giving you a hug and a kiss on the forehead. 

“Hi. I’m so happy you’re back, I was starting to worry that you forgot about me,” you joked, carrying his boxing bag to your shared bedroom with him tagging behind. 

“You know I would never forget about you,” he muttered, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing the back of your neck. Instead of wriggling away like you normally do, you allow yourself to relish in his affection since he wasn’t a person who did it often. 

“I missed you..” you mumbled, turning around and kissing him. He returned the kiss more passionately, slipping his tongue inside your mouth. The sudden action made you forget about everything, focusing only on him. Unfortunately, with your senses locked on him, it caused you to fall onto the bed, your head nearly hanging off of the edge. Jungkook used your weakness to have more control over the kiss and you, carefully grabbing the back of your head to deepen the kiss. Even though he always controls kissing you, his lips are also full of love and longing due to him being gone for too long. 

“God I missed this,” he mumbled, breaking away to remove the buttons of your blouse and kissing the side of your neck. You whined from his touch, feeling a bit embarrassed due to how much time it’s been since the two of you were together. 

“What is it baby girl, are you nervous? Come on, we’ve known each other for years and I know you can take anything I give you.” It was true of course but for some reason, it felt like the first time you had sex with him. 

After your shirt has been taken off, you unconsciously cover your chest with your arms. You didn’t know why you’re acting so self-conscious, especially since you’ve been a challenger to him in bed. 

“Hey, are you okay? We can stop if you don’t want to-” Jungkook asked softly, reaching over to take your hand. 

What’s there to be nervous about? It’s just Jungkook and like he said, you’ve known him for too long. Besides, don’t you have too much pride to act this way? You swallowed the lump in your throat and looked back at him with a seductive smile. 

“You were taking too long to take off my shirt. How boring,” you said coyly, tapping his nose playfully. He returned your gaze, his eyes darkened with lust and desire. 

“Well then baby girl, how about you take off the rest of your clothes since you seem like you want to do it,” he muttered, sitting up with his attention completely on your chest. One thing you were infamous in your relationship for is being a brat, a mix of you being submissive but not backing down completely. Even though you liked being a good girl sometimes, the rest is just you on the receiving end. After all, you won’t back down to a challenge, nonetheless if your challenger’s your significant other. 

If a person only based off of what they saw, they would think that you were the one taking absolute control due to the aura you give off and your harsh personality. However, at least between you and him since you were one to keep your private life a secret, he is the one with the reins and you were completely fine with it. 

You unclipped your bra, throwing it at some random place in the room and revealed your exposed breasts. He ogled at your body up and down, his familiar lustful gaze running through his eyes. 

“Hey, what are you staring at?” you barked, slowly starting to feel awkward. Unlike you, Jungkook had no shame when it came to your bedroom activities and there were times when he would just stare at you while you’re completely bare. How embarrassing...but it’s no big deal. 

“Watch your mouth you little brat. Do I have to punish you on my day back?” he said darkly, his tone immediately making the back of your hairs stand up. Your face softened, heat forming in your cheeks as you twirled a random piece of your hair, a random habit that you’ve done since elementary school.

“I-I’m sorry.” “Sorry what, baby girl? You’re smarter than that.” “Sorry..sir.” After that word was uttered in your soft and obedient tone, Jungkook could feel his dick growing harder by the second. Hearing you give up all of your confidence and letting him control you never failed to turn him on. 

“Now take off the rest of your clothes, sweetie. Or are you going to continue being a dumb little girl and keep playing with me,” he growled softly, leaning back on the bed frame. You felt like acting up some more but he truly was scary when he’s upset and you didn’t want to make his visit back bad because of your behavior so you simply did what he said. Even though you wouldn’t admit it to the world, you also love obeying Jungkook. 

You quickly unzippered your jeans, pulling them off along with your panties and kicking them out of the bed. The warmth from the clothes were immediately replaced by the chilly air from the air conditioner, your nipples standing up and goosebumps filling your body. It was humiliating, especially since Jungkook can see you so clearly. 

“My precious sweetheart,” he cooed, leaning over you and you could feel his hardened member alongside the roughness of his jeans as he slowly grinded into you. 

“Ahh…” You didn’t know what to say, except you knew you wanted more. Jungkook’s mouth was latched onto your nipples, sucking them harshly while his other hand was massaging and flicking on them repeatedly. You felt your eyes roll back to your head and your pussy dampening, even though he wasn’t doing anything yet. 

“You like this baby?” he asked gruffly, tugging on your nipple teasingly as it sends sparks of pleasure inside you. You only let out a whine in response as he broke apart from your chest and slowly made his way down your body. 

All of a sudden, he inserted one of his long fingers inside of your core, sending vibrations throughout your body. You squealed from the intrusion as your body tried to familiarize itself with his finger, your walls clenching around his digit. 

“Damn, have you gotten tighter since last time?” He started to thrust his finger in and out of you at a moderate pace, trying to get you used to the feeling. As if one isn’t enough for you, he suddenly inserted a second one to stretch you out. 

Your mind was a haze, not paying attention to anything that was happening around you and focusing on the pleasure that Jungkook was giving you. His fingers attempted to reach the spongy section of your g-spot, the place that absolutely had you in hysterics. Surely enough, his fingertips grazed over it and you could nearly come undone at any second. 

While he added an additional finger and completely filled you up, you could feel his smooth tongue on your clit, flicking and sucking on it feverishly. High-pitched moans and mewls were coming out of your mouth embarrassingly as you tugged on Jungkook’s long locks in order to steady yourself of the pleasure. 

You could feel him curl his fingers and touch your g-spot, sending sparks within you. At this point, you were barely in a stable mindset due to how good he was making you feel. You felt a knot building up in your stomach, your orgasm coming close to you. 

“Are you gonna cum now baby girl? Do you want to cum for Sir? Yeah, I know you do, I could feel it coming,” he said tauntingly, his fingers and tongue abusing your cunt and the vibrations among it made the sensation feel even better. 

“Y-yeah, I’m gonna-” you whimpered pathetically but to your dismay, he completely stopped by sliding his fingers out and removing his face. With your release dismissed like it was nothing, you felt annoyance build up on you as your body shook from the denial. 

“What the hell? Why did you stop?” you groaned, your eyes shooting sharp daggers at Jungkook. If looks could kill, he would surely be dead within two seconds. But all that’s on his face were your liquids and a cocky smirk that you want to wipe off instantly. 

“Because I want you to cum on my dick first. It’s been so long since I’ve been inside you, y’know?” he said casually, pulling off his shirt like it was nothing and revealing his impressive 6-pack. One thing that you were always in awe of was his figure. Jungkook was a really athletic person, always finding time out of his day to work out and maintain his muscular body. You didn’t mind if he didn’t have abs but it neutralized his cute face that could easily kill anyone. 

“It’s been a while, yeah? You ready kitten?” Jungkook kicked off his jeans and his boxer that covers his massive bulge was immediately in your vision. You could feel your thighs rubbing together as you were craving him inside you. 

“You’re calling me kitten now?” you mumbled shyly as he sat on the edge of the bed, palming his hardened member. 

“Yeah because you’re my cute kitty, aren’t you? Do you want to take off my boxers for me?” he smirked, knowing how excited you are to see him like this again. Like there was no tomorrow, you yanked it off impatiently and his dick sprang out, hitting his abs before standing up instantly. 

“You’re excited, aren’t you? Don’t deny it,” Jungkook teased, stroking his member teasingly before setting you down on your back and hovering above you. 

“I want it,” you mumbled impatiently, getting excited with the thought of him fucking you until you can’t walk again. He chuckled at your reaction, slowly slipping himself inside you. You shrieked from the sudden movement and tried to make yourself comfortable even though this wasn’t new to you. 

“Alright baby, let’s go,” he said gruffly, slowly pulling out and slamming it back inside within the next five seconds. You let out a scream as he picked up the pace into the all-too familiar rough and fast one. 

“Damn, you’ve gotten way tighter since the last time I’ve fucked your brains out. Feels so good for Sir,” he groaned, his dick completely filling you warm and deep to the point where it could nearly reach your guts. “Does my baby like that? Like getting dicked down where I can feel her in your stomach?” “Ahh, oh my god!” You could only moan and whine in response, pathetic noises coming out of your mouth as Jungkook’s dick hit every surface of your pussy. His veins already made it even more pleasurable and you could feel the tip grazing upon your g-spot, making you even more sensitive. 

It hasn’t been long but embarrassingly, you could feel your orgasm arrive once again due to how good his dick was thrusting into you. As he continued to drill your abused cunt, you could feel your legs tremble at the sensitive feeling and the impending sensation of your orgasm starting to grow in your core. 

“S-sir, oh my god-” you mewled as Jungkook used his force to flip you on your stomach, your face covered in the pillows. You couldn’t feel him inside you for a second but suddenly, he slammed inside you with no remorse and continued fucking you at that fast pace. 

Your cunt throbs as you prepare yourself to cum all over his dick. Jungkook could sense it too by the way your walls started to tighten around him, making it even more pleasurable than the last time you two had sex due to how tight you were. You were praying that he doesn’t deny your orgasm again but there were times where he was that cruel. But you’ve behaved enough to not warrant that type of treatment. 

“Is my baby gonna cum now? Go on, come for me, I want to see you come undone on my dick,” he chanted lowly, his pace fastening due to his orgasm coming in soon. Like his words set off a reaction inside you, you screamed out his name and squirted on his dick and stomach. Using that as fuel to keep going, Jungkook thrusts even faster than before to catch his own high as you try to calm yourself down from your own orgasm. 

“Ahh, Jungkook-” you whined from the sensitivity but you kept holding on so he could cum too. The way his sweat dripped off of his forehead and complimenting with his dark locks nearly made you want to cum again. 

“Fuck, I’m cumming, oh shit,” he moaned out, his thrusts slowing down and surely enough, you could feel his dick spurt out his seed inside you. He started to pull out and stroke himself, spurts of his cum filling up your pussy to not waste a drop. 

You and him started to breathe heavily from the intense fuck as you gingerly pulled up the sheets to cover your body. It’s not like you were embarrassed of him seeing your body, it was a habit you did after you have sex with him.

“Did you miss me?” he smiled, lying down next to you and covering an arm around your waist. You nodded, snuggling up next to him on the neck of his crook. There weren't any words spoken from the both of you for a while, instead you were just enjoying the presence of him next to you because after today, he’ll be gone again. 

If you had it your way, you didn’t want him to go but he really wanted to participate in his boxing match and what kind of girlfriend were you if you didn’t support him? Still, you loved every moment with him and he was the one thing you absolutely loved in your life. 

After a moment of silence, Jungkook broke the silence by facing towards you with seriousness in his eyes. You were worried that something may have happened, so you braced yourself with the worst that could happen. But surprisingly, his words were a bigger shock than any other disaster you could think of. 

“Y/N, do you mind if I ask something of you? I hope you don’t find it uncomfortable or invasive.” “Sure, what is it?” You should’ve known from the cheeky smirk he gave you that he was going to request this type of stuff. 

“I want to see you touch yourself. I think you’ll look so hot fucking yourself with your fingers while all I’m doing is just watching you.” “What the hell?!” 

You were lying if you said you didn’t think about it a lot, especially since Jungkook left the house today this afternoon. Now that he wasn’t there, the apartment felt lonely again and you automatically missed him. 

However, the thought of him also brings you back to the conversation you had after you two had sex after a while. 

“You’ve never touched yourself? I figured that something like that would come easy to you!” “Well- you know I have dignity right! It’s already embarrassing enough that I’m your submissive!” 

“You’re right, it’s already hot seeing you act all whiny and needy for my touch.” “Shut up! Stop making fun of me!”

You shook your head, trying to get rid of Jungkook’s words. With the intent to clean your room to take some stuff out of your mind, you walked to the shared bedroom and started to rearrange random knick-knacks that were placed in peculiar locations. 

While you were wandering around, your eye caught sight of a black duffel bag that was in a hidden corner of your bed. With curiosity, you approached it to check to see what was inside. It was heavy and filled with boxing gloves and other equipment, meaning that it was Jungkook’s. 

He must’ve forgotten it when he left today, you mused, holding the glove to your chest. A normal person would immediately contact him and give it back but it was like a living piece of him, having its name and scent. You can’t believe you already miss him that much to hold onto his boxing gloves for some comfort. How pathetic. 

The smell of him already reminded you of yesterday, when he touched you and made you feel so good. You groaned to yourself as you feel your panties dampening just from the thought of Jungkook giving you pleasure. 

“Y’know what, it wouldn’t hurt to try, right? Alright Jungkook, I’ll do it,” you muttered to yourself as you slowly grazed your fingers to your lower region. You could already feel the slick coming out of your panties, signalling how wet you were. 

You were a smart person but frankly, you were confused on how to touch yourself especially since this was your first time. Memories of the way Jungkook inserted and thrusted his fingers inside you flashed through your mind, giving you an idea on how to start. 

You slide your panties off to your ankles and slowly insert your index finger inside of your core, letting yourself get familiar to your own fingers inside of you. It sure felt different than when Jungkook did it, it wasn’t enough to completely make you feel undone. You pumped another finger inside, giving you something inside at least but it was no better than Jungkook’s touch.

“Ahh, Jungkook,” you moaned softly, flicking your own clit with your fingers which makes the pleasure at least a bit better. You would rather have him with you but it was enough to fill up a small part of his absence. Remembering every time he fucked you harshly was enough to quicken your pace with your fingers, your walls clenching around them and your orgasm closely approaching. 

Your other hand groped your breasts, flicking your nipple and massaging them while the other was thrusting in and out of your needy cunt. You were completely in your own euphoria, the world completely fading away from you. Unfortunately for you, that euphoria is only short-lived. 

An annoying sound ran throughout your room, the culprit being your cell phone. You groaned with disappointment as you attempted to pry your fingers out of your pussy and your orgasm fading away with every time the ringtone chimed. 

With your slick-covered hands, you read the text and your blood started to run cold from the words that were displayed on the screen. 

[Jungkook ♡]

- Hi babe, I’m coming home bc I forgot my boxing bag.

- Sorry that this was sudden

- Actually, I’m outside the apartment rn

You’re fucked. Absolutely fucked. But lucky, you still had a minute to spare to make it seem like you weren’t doing anything. You put his boxing glove back in the bag and wobbled downstairs to the front door. The door locks started to jingle and you immediately opened them just for him to take his bag and go. You love him with all of your heart but now’s not the time to chat with him. 

“Hey Y/N, do you have my bag?” he asked across from you, looking as good as ever. You forced a smile and shoved his bag in front of your face.

“Yeah, it’s this one right? So, here it is so you can get going now! Goodbye!” you grinned, sweat dripping down your face. 

Jungkook looked puzzled on why you were acting that way but decided to go along with it. “O-okay, thanks.” 

“Of course! Now, you should get going now! Your boxing rehearsal isn’t going to wait forever, is it?” you chuckled, trying to push him out of the door but he didn’t budge. After taking a quick glance at you (more specifically your legs and the amount of slick dripping down), he decided to stay. 

“Woah, woah, there’s something going on. Let me in,” he said stubbornly, pushing against you to get inside the apartment.  

“What are you talking about? There’s literally nothing going on! You should go back to the boxing place!” you argued but he wouldn’t listen. Jungkook grabbed your hand and pulled you upstairs into the bedroom and set you down, looking straight into your eyes. You immediately blushed as his eyes held such confusion and hunger inside. 

“Don’t lie to me, only bad girls lie. So tell me baby, what exactly is going on?”

Surely he didn’t know right? You still have some time to lie because there’s no way he knows. 

“I was taking a nap before you texted me.” 

“Without your panties on and a shit ton of slick dripping down your thighs?” he asked with confusion, pulling up your skirt and revealing your soaking pussy, throbbing due to the atmosphere. At this point, you were absolutely stuck in a corner as Jungkook stared at the way you’re completely aroused. 

“Ahh, um..” “Are you cheating on me, Y/N?” His eyes were now full of sadness and hurt and you could immediately feel your heart start to break. 

“N-no! Of course not! I would never cheat on you, you’re the one who I love! It’s just because..” you tried to get the idea out of his head, holding his hands tightly. Jungkook’s face brightened up a bit before being replaced with suspicion.

“So, what’s up? What were you doing while I left?” There was absolutely no talking yourself out of this because Jungkook would find out either way at this point. But at least it’s better than making up a stupid lie, right? “I..um..remember how you said you wanted to see me touch myself yesterday?” “Of course.” “Well...I was doing that..” you mumbled with embarrassment, avoiding his eye contact. Jungkook’s ears picked up what you said and his face lit up with excitement and desire. 

“Say that again for me?” he smirked, loving how soft and shy you were now.   

“I..was touching myself while I was thinking of you,” you said a bit loudly but it was still so embarrassing. You had no idea why he was all so happy right now but it made you happy nonetheless.

“Do you think you can show me?” he grinned, staring up into your eyes. 

“What?! N-no! It’s private right? You see, it’s private for a reason! Now you got your bag and figured out why I was acting weird so you can go now!” you snapped, heat automatically filling up your body. 

“It’s okay, I can skip practice today. This is important, why didn’t you tell me?” “It’s not something I should tell you.” “Anyways, you’ve been a bad girl today. Touching yourself while thinking of me, you’re so naughty. So your punishment is to reenact what you did before I came back and I’m not leaving until I see you touch yourself. But don’t worry, if you need help then I’m always here,” Jungkook purred, his dominant persona on. You gulped down a lump down your throat but you weren’t ready to back down to him yet. 

“No I’m not! I’m not giving up my dignity just yet!” “Come on, little girl. I know you were fucking yourself like a little whore while you were gone. Did your tiny little fingers fill you up completely, better than my cock? I know you didn’t because even though you’re a whore, you’re still such a slut for my dick.” His dirty words made you even more turned on than normal with even more slick running down your thighs. You knew it was better to obey, especially since he’s talking like this. With that being said, you scooted yourself with the back of your head hitting the bed frame. After a minute of hesitation, you lifted up your skirt which revealed your whole pussy to him. Jungkook stared intently, noticing every little twitch that it made as it’s longing for something to be inside it and how wet it has become. His lips were curled into a smirk as your fingers started to graze over your folds. 

Taking a deep breath, you inserted two of your fingers to aid the throbbing in your core. It felt  different than when you did it before, maybe due to Jungkook staring at every little movement you made.

Despite your initial refusal, having him watch over you turned you on even more and the throbbing only continued to get worse after you slowly started to move your fingers. You didn’t know how much it turned you and him on, judging from his erection in his pants. 

“Ahh, oh my god,” you moaned, adding an additional finger and groping your boobs with your other hand.

Jungkook’s mouth was in shock, shocked at how you can look so sexy touching yourself even though it was your first time. His dick was begging to be released in his now tight sweatpants but just watching you like this was more than enough.

He’s never admitted it directly to you but surprisingly, he’s such a voyeur and seeing you wrecked with only your fingers or even a toy could make him cum as hard as him actually fucking you.

“J-Jungkook, please…” you mewled, rocking your hips against your small hands in an attempt to hit your g-spot, where only your boyfriend knows. 

By now, you’ve inserted your whole hand inside of your core and it still wasn’t as satisfying as Jungkook’s long fingers inside you. You should’ve been embarrassed that his vision was at you masterbating but frankly, you didn’t care anymore.

“Shit baby girl, just like that, fucking ruin yourself,” he grunted, slightly stroking his hardened member through his sweatpants. 

“I want your mouth on me,” you cried, slowly starting to feel the same ecstatic feeling of your release. The way his eyes were set on you alone brings you closer to your high as you’re practically grinding on your hand. 

Luckily, Jungkook heard your wish and immediately brought his face down to your core, taking your fingers out and licking your clit like there was no tomorrow. His face was completely buried with the goal of eating you out and getting your cum out of you. It wasn’t a thought that ever crossed your mind but you never realized how much better Jungkook made you feel and how the throbbing seemed to go away after he was with you. His face was absolutely covered in your juices and adding to his warm mouth were his long fingers. 

“You like that don’t you, you slutty little girl?” he hummed, the vibrations of his mouth making you even more closer to the edge. You gripped onto his arm tightly, your fingernails dragging along his muscles due to how much he was giving you. 

You felt his fingers curl against you, hitting your g-spot and bringing you closer to your climax. It felt too good and you were craving to be ruined by him. Jungkook stared at the way you were shoving his hand amongst your tight little cunt, grinding on it as you try to reach your high and the squelching sounds it made. 

Within seconds, you were close to your orgasm and you were trying to chase after it feverishly. His tongue and his fingers were too much for you, even though you received them last night. They made you feel so satisfied and full, always filling you up to the edge and the way he was hitting every spot nearly made you cream all over his fingers. 

Unfortunately for you, he immediately pulled his fingers and mouth away, completely denying you of releasing. The hot feeling and intensity disappeared instantly and was replaced by the familiar throbbing as you let out a groan of disappointment. This was the second time you’ve lost your orgasm and you just wanted to release on him once more. 

“Why did you stop? I was going to-” you growled, your face heating up due to the increased temperature inside. 

“You’re not going to cum when I’m away. Is that a rule you can follow?” he said sharply, licking every remain of your juices off his face and wiping the excess with a tissue. 

“W-why?” “Instead, I want you to send me a video touching yourself but not cumming until my match. Is that an order my little girl can do?” 

You absolutely hated the fact that you won’t be releasing for a while but you didn’t want to get him mad. All you can do is just accept your fate and nod. 

“There you go, don’t worry, I’m going to make you feel so good once I win,” he grinned, kissing you passionately. You could immediately taste yourself on his lips and felt his hardened member upon you. There were more things that the two of you would’ve done but he wouldn’t allow that to happen. 

“Well then, I’ll be off. You’ll behave, right?” he parted cheerily, grabbing his bag and leaving the apartment like he didn’t just completely ate you out and denied your orgasm for the second time. As you heard the door lock, you’re left with your skirt drenched from your juices and the aching feeling between your legs. 

Oh the things that Jungkook does to you. But what would happen if you gave him a little surprise during his boxing match. Surely, you weren’t that submissive and besides, it would be fun to tease him..

“You did great man!” Taehyung cheered, high-fiving Jungkook as soon as his match ended. He shared the same with a bunny-like smile and went inside the locker room to clean up to see you. Not only did he win but he’s going to be staying with you for a while now. 

With a bright spirit, he unlocked his locker and opened his phone to a text message from you. There was an attachment with a seemingly innocent message but once he opened the video, it only fueled his desire. 

[Y/N ♡]

- I miss you so much 

Inside of the video was you fucking yourself with your fingers, high-pitched and incoherent whimpers coming out of you and from the looks of it, it was like you’re about to reach your climax. 

Within the last few seconds, it cuts to you creaming all over the bed and licking your juices off of your fingers seductively with a cute wink at the end. All of that just to rile and tease him. 

Shit, the things that this girl does to me, Jungkook sighs, feeling his member starting to grow inside of his pants again. They were simple instructions yet you can’t obey properly. Maybe it was due to you being a brat and wanting to be put in your place again. 

Well, if there’s one thing that you and Jungkook know, is that you’ll certainly not walk the next day.

a/n: honestly, i’m not too proud of this but i hope you liked it regardless! let me know what you think and have a great day <3

[foilfreak]

Beauty and Her Beast: Summary and Ch.1

A Salvatore Moreau x Female!FishMutant!oc fic based on this idea I had the other day that a very specific subset of the fanfom went absolutely apeshit for, which I'm here for and decided to act on. I can't make any promises for consistent uploading or even a finishes product by the end of this, but so long as im still interested in working on it, I'll keep working on it, and if im not, then I wont, plain and simple. Anyways, here's the summary and chapter 1, please let me know what you think of the story so far, i hope you all enjoy (you'd better all enjoy), and I can't wait to see you all again for chapter 2. Bye! <333 (Link to ao3 posting will be in comments so check there if you want to read it there instead)

Warning: This fic is rated NSFW and contains graphic depictions of things some people may find disturbing or alarming, including, but not limited to: violence, gore, unhealthy family relationships, Oedipus complexes, gratuitous amount of pornographic literature, ableist language, physical, mental, and emotional abuse, etc. If you are someone who does not enjoy fiction with these elements in them, then I suggest you refrain from reading this, because this fic will have all that, and probably a lot more. So, this is your first and final warning to turn around and go somewhere else if stuff like this just isn't your vibe, because from this point forward, your emotional wellbeing is in your own hands, and I will not be accepting blame if you disregarded my warnings and ended up reading something you didn't like. Idk why I feel compelled to write one of these despite this being Resident Evil fanfic, but I figured I'd cover my ass just in case.

Summary:

Now, I’m sure everyone already knows the ancient tales that tell of a beautiful young woman slowly falling in love with a horrific monstrosity of a man. The pure and true love this innocent beauty comes to feel for him, despite his terrifying appearance, is the key that breaks the cruel and twisted curse under which he’d been kept prisoner. This allows the man behind the monster to not only return to his true human form, but then go on to live his Happily Ever After with the beauty who saved him. Everyone already knows of these tales, as well as the messages behind them, however that is not quite the way this particular tale plays out.

The tale I am about to tell bears many similarities to the one above, however there are also quite a few important differences. For while the original detailed a beauty falling for a monster because of the kind and loving man he was behind his hideous exterior, this is a tale of a beauty, with a few monstrous qualities of her own, falling in love with a kind and loving monster, not at all despite his grotesque appearance, but rather, in part, because of it.

This is a tale, where the Beast still falls for his Beauty first, but the Beauty is the one who will be pursuing her Beast.

Chapter 1: Mother's Gift

Few of those who lived isolated from the outer world, high up in the mountains of Romania, would expect anyone of reasonable sanity to be out traveling in this hellish sort of weather. The wind howling a demonic high pitched tune; snow, sleet, and hail pounding into the ground like an endless shower of bullets from the heavens; and hungry lycans still roaming the area, tirelessly looking for their next meal, would be enough to incentivize even the strongest of mortal men to seek shelter away from the deadly conditions of the outside.

A man by the name of Salvatore Moreau however, one of the 4 lords of this mountain region who lived in the reservoir just past the windmills, did not appear terribly concerned with what other people thought of the traveling conditions. Completely unbothered by the horrifying weather and threat of suddenly being ground into doggy food, the hooded man trudged his way through the dark and barely maintained snow paths. Starting at the reservoir and making his way toward the village, Salvatore moved as quickly as his deformed body would permit, an unusually chipper spring added to his lumbering hobble of a walk.

Mother had a gift for him.

Yes, a truly joyous day it was whenever Mother Miranda called upon him to join her and the other lords for a meeting. Miranda was usually so busy with her experiments that she rarely had time to visit her children outside of these ‘family meetings’ they’d been having recently. However, it would appear as though Mother has come up with a solution of some kind to this problem and wishes to share it with them in person. Whatever this solution is, the mutated man has no idea, as Mother Miranda had been quite vague in her message, however the fact that Salvatore was being given the chance to see his radiant mother AND receive a gift from her, all in one day, was more than enough to make up for how agonizingly lonely he’s been these last few months since winter set in, as well as how agonizing it was for him to walk in this weather.

Salvatore arrived at the usual meeting site just as the clock struck 8pm, precisely as Mother had instructed. However, much to the hooded man’s confusion, when he turned the handle on the large wooden door to enter the room, he quickly realized that he was currently the only one present. This was especially strange considering that, usually, at least one of his siblings was always present a little earlier than necessary, usually Alcina or Karl, but occasionally Donna with Angie in tow.

Mother had clearly said in her message that she wanted to start the meeting at 8pm sharply, so where on earth is everyone?

“Moreau” Mother Miranda’s voice called out, immediately pushing all thoughts from Salvatore’s brain as her powerful, yet lucious voice echoed against the halls of the room like a choir of angels.

“Y-yes! W-what… is it… M-mother Miranda? I-i-i came to you… j-just like you asked” Salvatore responds, bowing his head in reverence as he slowly crosses the room and approaches the otherworldly woman.

“So you did, though I suppose you coming exactly when I call makes the most sense. You always were the most obedient of my children” the woman remarks with casual disdain, her voice devoid of any sort of motherly affection or tenderness. Despite the clear disgust and disregard with which Miranda regards the hooded man standing before her, her words light Salvatore’s soul ablaze, filling his mangled body with intense feelings of heat and desire that melt his heart of the cold, icy frost that had frozen it over the course of the long winter.

“Y-y-yes, y-yes of c-course, Mother M-Miranda! I-i would… I would do any-anything... for y-you. A-anything you s-say... anything y-you n-need… I’d d-do it... f-for you. W-without question!” The deformed man says, practically getting on his hands and knees and crawling as he neared closer and closer to Miranda, stopping only when he’d arrived just in front of the steps the raven mother stood upon, his gaze trained at the ground as he knelt at her feet, awaiting his fate at his mother’s hands.

“I know you would, Moreau,” Miranda says cooly, gently brushing the palm of her hand against the black fabric that covers the top of Salvatore’s head, “which is why I’ve called you here today; to reward you for your loyalty and service to me thus far.”

Salvatore sinks sharp and jagged teeth into the flesh of his bottom lip, nearly drawing blood as he desperately tries to silence the needy whine that wanted to tear its way from the back of his throat. His body shivered and twitched in unimaginable delight from the sudden tender caress to his sensitive skin. How long had it been since someone had touched him so gently? How long since someone had spoken to him with such kind and soft words. Took the time to gather presents as a reward for years of faithful servitude? How long since someone had loved him like this?

‘Too long’ the disfigured man sighed to himself, reveling in the soft, gentle contact for as long as he is able.

“Moreau. Look at me” Miranda commanded firmly, and despite not wanting his beloved Mother to be forced to bear witness to his hideous face, he complied, lifting his head up and back to allow his gaze to lift from the floor and up at the glowing figure that was his Mother, his beautiful, incredible, intelligent, majestic mother.

The light shining down from above illuminates Miranda from behind. From Salvatore’s perspective on the floor, the light darkens her face and most of her torso and waist, giving a softened, almost ethereal glow around Miranda’s figure. This, along with the rest of her garb, makes Mother Miranda appear even more like the holy woman that Salvatore naively believes she still is. Despite her less than affectionate treatment of him thus far, Salvatore still stared up at the darkened face of Mother Miranda, his eyes shining with reverence, love, desire, and unending devotion.

“Y-yes... Mother?” Salvatore breathed, barely able to speak above a whisper as Miranda stepped away, gesturing for him to follow.

“Are you ready to collect your gift now?” The raven mother asks, speaking more softly than before and even holding her hand out to Salvatore, her pose and appearance mirroring that of a powerful god taking mercy upon her wretched follower, reaching out to reward the years of faithful servitude and worship.

Salvatore, barely able to keep himself calm as he stumbled to his feet, did not grace Mother Miranda’s question with a proper response, instead practically racing to take the woman’s outstretched hand in his own.

“I’m ready Mother… I-I’m ready for... my g-gift now… can I… c-can I have it n-now… p-please?” Salvatore begs, pulling at Miranda’s hand like an overly excited child, seemingly unaware of the disgusted twist of her face when the hooded man’s cold, slimy fingers firmly latched onto hers.

“Of course, my child” Mother Miranda says, pulling her hand back from Salvatore’s and instead placing it along the man’s hunched back, beginning to guide him to wherever it was the raven mother had hidden his gift.

As Salvatore limped next to Mother Miranda, the deformed man couldn’t help but wonder what exactly it was that Mother had gotten for him. Was it a new cloak, to replace the worn one he was currently wearing? Perhaps a new set of romance films so he didn’t have to rewatch the ones he already owned over and over again anymore? Or maybe it was something to help with his digestion?

It would be nice to get his chronic acid reflux under control again.

Regardless of what the gift actually turned out to be however, Salvatore was merely pleased that he was finally getting a chance to spend time with Mother Miranda all by himself for a change.

Maybe, if he was lucky, she’d even agree to hold him, just like she always did back when he was still undergoing cadou treatment.

Oh how wonderful that would be!

[raweceek18]

Ok so hear me out...

It's kinda long u dont have to read

Seb: the fun dad of the group, the one that Charles, Lance and Mick come to be literal kids. Like they can only be childish around Seb cause he's so amused.

Lewis: the one they go to if they have an issue or need advice (he shares this role with seb but its predominantly him) also he's like the loving but strict father. It kinda hurts him how the Mick - Charles - Lance trio are seemingly never themselves around him but are theirselves around Seb.

Lance: the bunny (cause idk y but his teeth remind me of a bunny, but its cute) and he's like the insecure one (so much angst potential) he doesn't think he's a favourite ALL HE WANTS TO BE IS A FAVOURITE - im projecting rn this can't be healthy.

Kimi: is like the uncle that pretends like he hates being invited to family gatherings but he cares for everyone so much. Is best friends with the other Finnish grid member (Valtteri Bottas). Is almost always with his son Antonio.

Antonio: Kimi's honorary son, the only one to elicit a smile from him and follows Kimi around like a puppy, but its cute.

Fernando: TO BE DECIDED

Esteban: he's so grateful for the things he has now because he used to live in a trailer park and he's so lonely because EVERYONE (excepy Lance the canadian bunny) hates him and he just wants SOMEONE to talk to him and understand - he cries himself to sleep - again projecting. Also sidenote - he's acc so underated.

Pierre Gasly: feels betrayed by Esteban for how he distanced himself from him and no matter how much he tries he cannot hate esteban but he doesn't know what to do to fix it - is hopeless.

Yuki: idk wht to write about him as well but ngl i wanna talk about him seeing Seb as a father figure because he misses his father cause hes the youngest member in the grid.

Carlos: TO BE DECIDED

Charles: is too scared to get close to anyone cause he lost jules and anthoine and he wants to do this for them but sometimes he feels like it isn't worth it because he wants to come home to his mother and siblings because they can't lose him and his father - is conflicted and doesn't want to confide in anyone because he doesn't want to be a burden.

Mick: misses his dad, sometimes sees Seb and it hits him that this is what he could have had with his father, feels guilty for taking Seb on as a father figure despite having a father - doesnt realise that he's allowed to be happy

Valtteri: the kindest one, best friends with Kimi, doesn't think anyone likes him because he doesn't ever know what to say and he wishes it was easier for him to join conversations - projecting again.

Max: jos is a shitty father to him, his father figures are seb and lewis, he doesn't know how fucked up he is - he thinks wht his father has done to him is normal and doesn't believe he should get therapy to fix it. Internal working model (psychology).

Sergio: TO BE DECIDED

George: TO BE DECIDED

Nick: TO BE DECIDED (something to do with nutella DUHH)

Daniel: doesnt know what to do with his life, like hes never gonna win and championship and thinks he's a failure

Lando: has really bad social anxiety so can't really talk to people and makes situations awkward - hates himself because he thinks people hate him

Would u guys like a bunch of oneshots as part of an AO3 collection featuring storylines and characters like these - i have time because college is over - but the only thing that motivates me is when people give me feedback because otherwise i think theres no point - ik its selfish, but its me. So like heart?? Or reblog if u like the idea.

[peachesandmilktea]

For an Obey Me! Matchup Commission

So, I'm a 1m70 plus sized girl with hazel eyes and shoulder length wavy hair. I'm a rather shy person at first (I apologize a lot and tend not to talk to a lot of people) but I can come out of my shell easily and when I do, I'm actually talkative and passionate. I'm very affectionate toward others and like to give hugs. I'm very honest (can't lie), I'm creative, loyal, rather childish and simple minded, perfectionnist and manage to get good grades even though I can be extremely dumb. Now for the bad part ( cuz we need to be realistic ); I can be impulsive, I have strong emotions that sometimes cannot be controlled, I'm anxious in general and have low self esteem. Im also lazy and can be jealous sometimes. I love animes and Mangas, drawing, eating, collecting stuff (whatever it is) and play simple video games (dating sims, minecraft, sims 4 , ect. ) I know it's complicated but I just wanted to give out a lot of details lmao

THIS IS A COMMISSION. This match-up is not part of the 200 followers milestone event. (If you're interested in getting a matchup commission for My Hero Academia, Jujutsu Kaisen or Obey Me!, click here!)

I match you with...

𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧!

He'll be cold to you at first although he can't help himself stealing some glances you way from time to time (you're just so beautiful and yet painfully out his league). But then, all of his pretend icy persona melts like snow on a hot summer day when he realizes you have common interests. There's no stopping him then; he'll knock on your door at 3 am to tell you about a game he just bought, all in the hopes he'll see those little sparkles of excitement that sometimes light in your oh-so-pretty eyes, he'll try and convince you to put on a few cosplays, nearly fainting when at the sight of you wearing his favorite character's outfit, and he'll even pretend not to understand a few subjects at school just so that you'd volunteer to be his tutor. He's like a puppy, craving for your attention, and he'll instantly melt as soon as you give it to him. He never has enough of your touch, always yearning for your hugs and kisses, even though he's a bit shy at the idea of cuddling with you at first. Once he gets used to it though, whenever he feels sad or lonely he'll simply walk up to you and snuggle against your chest for you to wrap you arms around him, no matter how much taller he is. He lacks a bit of confidence but you do help with that (after all, if he was able to date the literal perfection made flesh that you are, then he must not be that bad). Now, on the other hand, he'll crush the world under his heel before allowing you to belittle yourself. You won't even have time to think about your self-esteem; he'll then spend every second of his days telling you everything he likes about you. After all, he's Leviathan, the Grand Admiral of Hell's Navy; he's lived thousands of years, seen the three worlds and more, and if he tells you that you're the most beautiful being to ever grace the universe with your presence, then you can believe him, he knows.

He loves taking you to the sea, but mostly at night, when there's no one else and the two of you can watch the reflection of the moon and stars over the calm waters. If you want to swim, he'll complain a bit beforehand but agree still, and maybe he'll even summon Lotan if he thinks that it might impress you. Then, once the two of you go home, he loves to help you dry your hair and prepare snacks for a movie night, delighting in all of that simple domesticity. It shows him that you're not just spending time with him because he's a pitiful, gross otaku and you feel bad for him; no, whenever the two of you snuggle under a blanket in front of a movie and you quietly take his hand in yours to pull it on your lap, he knows you're sincere, and his heart might feel like it'll explode everytime that happens, but he wouldn't trade it for the world.

Leviathan gets flustered easily when you're close to him, but it's nothing next to the times you have him writhing underneath you, tears of pleasure running down his cheeks as you gently take him from behind. There's nothing more adorable than the shivers that run down his spine whenever you call him a good boy or tell him that he's taking you so well, and he'll beg you for more, even if there's no way he can handle coming one more time. Anything for you, though, and he'll look at you, love and desire swarming in his irises as you make him come undone once more, and once more, and once more, until he even forgets his own name, until yours is the sole and only word that slips through his lips when you wreck him yet again.

-------

Please tell me if you liked it ♡

[insomnia-productions]

17 and/or 35 for the weird questions for writers 😊

Thank you for the ask!!

35 - my favorite writing rule to smash is anything related to sentence length and structure. with the help of commas, colons, semicolons, and dashes, i will defy the will of the gods and forge sentences that are as grammatically correct as they are indecipherably long

17 - ooh okay i actually have a new wip i haven't spoken about on here, so i'll take the opportunity to talk about it! The working title is Kick The Bucket, and it's a revamp of a plot idea i had back in high school. By "revamp" I mean that I took some sweet, soft romcom characters and turned them into most esteemed assholes

The elevator pitch is that it's a Jerk x Jerk style love story between a living person and a ghost who needs their help to move on. I'll put the rest under a cut -

Since this ask is about lore and minutiae I'm just gonna ramble about the characters and all the niche information I have about them so far. As with all of my characters, they're both based on pieces of me that I peeled off of my psyche and expanded into whole people. If this gets long and rambly.... im sorry i haven't talked to anyone about these two yet and im love them

First: April Anand, the one that's alive. She's a grad student studying medicine (following in her father's footsteps, in more ways than the one). If I had to explain her in the shortest way possible.... April idolizes Spock, but thinks that his biggest flaw is being too emotional. She's one of those people who thinks that being pragmatic and emotionally detached is the only way to be intelligent. Consequently, she's also very arrogant and firmly believes that she always knows best. Naturally, she would rather die than admit to being vulnerable or Having Feelings. Her general rule is that if she ever has an emotion, no she doesn't. Underneath it all, though, buried so deep that she isn't even aware of it herself, she's exhausted by her own expectations, and she's afraid that she isn't a real person, that there is no extant part of her that was not crafted by the expectations placed upon her. She's afraid that she'll always be alone.

A random collection of facts about April:

Her movements are often sharp, decisive, and forceful, especially when she's annoyed or angry.

Calls her parents once a week for updates on how her 15-year life plan is going.

Deals with stress by working harder

When she's frustrated at herself for being unable to do something right or not being able to focus, she gives herself a single hard, sharp, controlled slap and keeps going

If she analyses the data and concludes that she was wrong about something, she will readily admit it. She'll never apologize, though.

I took an MBTI test for her and got ISTJ

If I were to assign her one of the five primal fears, it would be Loss of Autonomy, but also Fear of Mutilation

Her favorite flowers are sunflowers.

She's very good with makeup and enjoys wearing it. She likes the idea that she can so completely control her presentation and the way people perceive her. At the same time, though, those moments of transformation make her uneasy, the idea that she could be someone other than the person she has made herself, that she contains multitudes beyond what she was crafted into.

Second: November Niran, the one that's dead. November was a renowned violinist in the world of classical music - a child prodigy, trained by his parents, both failed musicians themselves. He's also exceptionally vain and self-absorbed. He's lived alone since 19, when he essentially disowned his parents. November is just as arrogant and averse to vulnerability as April -- but where she is genuinely very self-assured, November's self-aggrandizing and somewhat narcissistic demeanor is mostly just a front for a deep insecurity and self-loathing. He's a chronic over-thinker, picking apart every thought and feeling he has, and he is deeply, crushingly lonely. November claims that he can't move on because he never fulfilled his bucket list - but really, it's because he was unable to form a single genuine human connection, the only thing he really wanted to do.

Facts about November:

(TW for suicidal ideation and mentions of ambiguous suicide in the final bullet point)

His surname means ‘never ending’. So his name kind of means ‘never ending November’, which has two different levels of meaning- one referencing November the person, and the other referencing November as the last month of autumn.

He turns more translucent when he's upset or embarrassed and will phase straight through the floor to get away

He composes his own music, but never had the confidence to perform it

He's actually an excellent gift-giver, when he tries.

His primal fear would be Fear of Separation

His favorite flowers are daffodils.

When he was alive, he had a recurring dream of standing on the lake shore, or at the beach, or on a cliff, watching as a great incoming wave rose far above his head, blotting out the sun.

November died by drowning in the lake. When he was alive, he used to stand at the end of the dock imagining what it would be like to sink into the cold silence of the water. The idea of not existing anymore unsettled him, so he never really intended to do anything other than imagine it. Now, though, he can't remember exactly how he drowned. He doesn't think he would have done it, but he can't stop thinking about it.

The story follows the two of them as April tries to exorcise November, or otherwise get him to move on and stop haunting her house. I wouldn't say that they improve each other, but along the way they adjust to each other's unique brand of terrible, and eventually fall in love. It's kind of bittersweet that way, because once November gets that genuine connection he's been longing for, he's finally able to move on, leaving April behind.

I've... definitely rambled enough for one post so I shall leave you with this cover I made for their Spotify playlist. oh and their Spotify playlist lol. i Cannot draw but i think this image does give a general idea of the vibes

[jocia92]

In a Zoom interview, Stevens explains he knew how to speak German having studied it in school and having visited Germany several times in his youth. Eggert also spoke about the film via Zoom from Berlin, where she is rehearsing for a play that ironically is about Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

Angela Dawson: Dan, were you fluent in German before signing onto I’m Your Man?

Dan Stevens: I’m always nervous about the word “fluent” because I feel like if I say that somebody’s going to throw me into a situation where I’m totally out of my depth. I would say that my German is good. I’ve always loved the language. I’ve spoken it since I was about 13, maybe even earlier because my parents had friends who lived in Germany. We used to vacation there quite a lot when I was a child, and then I studied it at school. I did a movie (Hilde) there about 13 years ago playing an Englishman who spoke German. So, I had been in a German movie previously, but nothing like this. This was a totally different thing.

The level of German that is required for Tom, even for a German, is pretty strange and unusual. So, I definitely polished it up to get out there and tackle this role but I (had the language skills) to begin with.

Dawson: Maren, how was Dan’s German?

Maren Eggert: He really worked on it a lot. He did well because he has a talent for languages. He really wanted to do it so he threw himself into it. I’d tell him I wanted to speak to him in English so I could practice it, but he wanted to speak German so he could practice it. So, he really worked on that. I think it was great for the part because he’s just so charming and friendly. As an actor, he has the ability to go straight into a character. He doesn’t make mistakes with his performance.

Stevens: Sometimes she would speak to me in English and I would answer in German, which is a great exercise. I had the whole cast and crew speak to me in German the whole time. Occasionally, we’d have certain conversations in English but most everything was in German. It was great because it kept me in the zone of thinking in German.

Dawson: Dan, you play a robot so there’s something not-quite-human in how you act as Tom.

Stevens: Ultimately, he has to be lovable but also a little strange. I think that was one of the motivations for Maria (Schrader, the director) looking to cast outside of Germany for a foreign actor who could speak German. However good your German is, it’s rare to find an outsider who can sound totally German. The idea that Alma’s ideal robot would speak German, for practical purposes, but maybe have a bit of an accent—a little bit exotic, but not too exotic is what he defines it as—so they settle on British for her. She’s confused by this but the algorithm—the program—has created this for her. It’s one of the many things that throws her about this whole experiment.

I wanted to create something that was uncanny but not in a too weird a way. It’s strange but also intriguing and ultimately kind of lovable.

Dawson: The scene in which Tom is in a field with a herd of deer surrounding him unafraid has a lot of symbolism in it. Alma sees him as this man she’s falling in love with yet she also realizes that the reason the deer are unafraid is because he’s not human. What’s your interpretation of that scene?

Stevens: That whole sequence with the deer and with Alma and Tom lying in the grass and talking about memories, that was a big step on in terms of the evolution of Tom’s humanity, I suppose. Most of the time, we’re in Alma’s apartment or in the museum. As he says, (being out in the field), “is a nature experience.” Getting them out of the city and out of those conventional settings and putting them in this bucolic setting of a German forest and having these lovers wandering through it, it has that classical feel to it. Whether directly or indirectly, it gets through to the viewer that we’re in this beautiful setting, isn’t it romantic? It tees up what’s to come. It’s a beautiful sequence. It’s also the first time I’ve spoken Korean.

Dawson: Maren, what’s your interpretation of that scene?

Eggert: For Alma, it really helps her put Tom in the right space. At this point of the film, she’s already falling in love with him but there’s this moment where she can watch him from a distance.

Dawson: The release of I’m Your Man couldn’t be timelier because so many people have been locked away unable to pursue romantic relationships for over a year now. People are lonely; they miss human contact.

Stevens: I don’t know about the loneliness so much but it definitely spoke to me when I read this in the Spring of 2020. It was the peak of the pandemic. It was definitely a time of deep reflection both inward and outward—that sense of “how did we get here?” It was a collective thing about looking at humanity which is sort of what Tom does all the way through the movie. He’s looking at Alma but also trying to learn about her environment—this world that she’s in—as quickly as he can. He’s trying to get that information. The most affecting scenes I found in an odd way was the sequence where Tom is watching a young couple watching epic fail videos at the coffee shop. It’s not something I habitually watch but my kids love them. Maria forces us to sit with them quite a bit. It’s not just one or two fails, it’s a whole bunch of them. It goes on almost too long and stops being funny and starts being a little sad. You get contemplative about humanity in that scene and start feeling sorry for Tom that he has to absorb all this. It’s like, “What are we doing?”

So, a lot of that sentiment I was really feeling last spring and summer. I feel that a lot of that went into the film. I guess it’s still resonating with people. The technological question of coping with loneliness—I hadn’t thought of that as a consequence—but I suppose you’re right.

Dawson: In films and other stories about robots, people always seem to be mistrustful, yet robots are increasingly part of our lives. Why do you suppose our first instinct as humans is to be wary of robots?

Eggert: I don’t know. Maybe because we can’t control it. We can’t see inside. It’s like a stranger and we always react (with caution) to strangers. Personally, I can totally understand Alma’s reaction because I would react the same: I’d want to control the robot. Throughout the story, she has to learn to know this robot. That’s the fascination she has with it.

Dawson: Do you think having Maria Schrader direct this, an actress herself, helped tell the story from a woman’s point-of-view?

Eggert: Yes, of course. She really encouraged me a lot. We have a lot in common in terms of how we look at filmmaking and how scenes work and with the character, she really pushed me to go a little further. She encouraged me and I think that really was between us women.

Dawson: What are each of you working on now?

Stevens: I’m shooting Gaslit, a miniseries about Watergate in which I play John Dean. People I’ve spoken with remember watching (the Congressional hearings) and seeing it as one of the first political soap operas. It was very much an analog political soap opera scandal. So, that’s been a lot of fun. We’re in the final weeks of that.

Eggert: I’m working in theater; I do a lot of theater here in Berlin. It’s a project on Frankenstein and Mary Shelley. That too is also about artificial intelligence and connects to I’m Your Man. It’s really fun to think about what scares me and what is this monster. It opens in two weeks. Afterwards, I’m doing another movie where I’m playing a conductor, so I’m training to do that. I wanted to be a conductor as a child, so I’m looking forward to playing one.

[sodasnapz]

✨ For Kath

Little tricky… cause genuinely i have issues with Kath. He need work… so for this ask… im gonna throw down my like WIP dev and maybe if y’all have ideas for him you can throw me an ask as a suggestion.

So, Kath is a Volite… and a huge one at that. He resides within my universe; Recusant Analogs, and more specifically in the story Abidance. This story is so under developed rn that i do struggle to think about it.

But i digress Kath was a volite who escaped the void on the moon of Europa, specifically hosting in the member of an excavation team that was sent there to see if the moon was suitable for more “touristy” stuff like how the rest of sol has been checked for so far.

Kath hosted in a real large fluffy alien, and caused the emergency that sent them back to the station early. The person he hosted in did not make it and Kath was formed, he wasted no time to devour everyone who got in his way until he made himself comfortable in the slums of the station where he could just sorta be himself and not worry about whatever the hell all that was.

He’s not very smart and generally is very calm and collected. Bit of a Lone wolf, doesn’t really need people around. He absolutely adores food, doesn’t give a shit if its going to actually feed him or not… just the mans taste buds are his favorite thing and he loves trying all the food. Which has made him a favorite customer of many restaurants in the slums… and sometimes the worst customer cause he will order so much cause he’s huge.

And, actually… Kath kinda sucks at being a volite. As i said hes very calm, he tries to be territorial… but generally he’s too calm for it. Which is how he like kinda meets Ark, who had like a issue that seemed to visibly hurt him and Kath just literally asked if he was okay.

So really Kath is capable of being horrible but he’s really just a gentle giant for the most part.