#i think my only critique is that it's not quite as polished in story or character as ghosts is... it is still a lot of fun though lol!

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so i've been watching yonderland over the last couple days and the best way i can describe it is that it's a mix of the mighty boosh, labyrinth (the film), and galavant lol

[amewinterswriting]

I was going to post this as a reblog of @writingwithfolklore 's post about gaining confidence with your own writing but it wound up about as long as the original post, so I'm posting it myself.

I think the key is reading widely and getting involved with the writing community/other writers.

As a reader, you tend to seek out the 'best' of your preferred genre (whatever best means to you in this context - it could be a writing style that gels with your brain, or fabulously detailed world-building, or profound messages about the human condition - there's no one objective way to say one work is better than another). Which makes sense, why would you, if reading for pleasure, want to read things that are less pleasurable?

But this (at least in my experience) sets up an unobtainable standard, where you as a writer want to be as good as the highly edited and polished work that you are reading. You don't get to read first drafts, and you don't read the stories that didn't quite work.

Something I've been doing lately is reading stories which are likely to be less 'polished' (drafts from writer friends, zines, first-time indie authors, first-time trad published authors) with a more critical/analytical eye to really dig down into why they work or don't, and how I might have approached the same subject myself. I keep those critiques to myself unless explicitly asked, but they are useful for me to work out what kind of standard I expect from my writing, and to get it to a more realistic place of 'done' rather than 'as perfect as my favourite author'.

(Because I know this might be misunderstood: I am emphatically not saying that self-published work cannot be as good as trad-published work. I am saying that someone's first work is unlikely to be as good as their future works, since writing is a craft you develop with practise, regardless of whether they trad-publish or self-publish. Sometimes this is mitigated by some really amazing editors and they do tend to cost more than most indie authors have got in their editing budget. But trad-publishing is only really good at producing the kinds of stories that trad-publishing and their readers are already familiar with, and self-publishing can take a lot more risks with storytelling, which I personally find vastly more interesting.)

If you found this interesting and you want to give me a tip, I'm always accepting over on Kofi.

[ftmushatheinconsiderate]

What I read in February!

One By One by Ruth Ware: Fun silly thriller! This one got a 3.5/5, and weirdly enough that’s the same rating I gave the last Ruth Ware I read (The Woman in Cabin 10) but for the opposite reason. Cabin 10 dragged a bit in the middle but really sold me with the ending, where One By One was entertaining and engaging the whole way through, but didn’t quite stick the landing. I am very picky about my thrillers so 3.5 is actually not a bad rating from me. I like Ruth Ware’s writing quite a bit and I have gotten quite attached to her protagonists. I’d like to read more from her!

Mort by Terry Pratchett: first Discworld book about Death. The thing I most admire about Terry Pratchett is that he always takes full advantage of his medium. You know how some books read like their authors really just wanted to make a movie? Terry Pratchett is the opposite. He does things you can only do in books, and it delights me every time. This one got a 4/5 from me, probably because I was somewhat unfairly comparing it to Monstrous Regiment, the last Discworld book I read and one of my favorite books of 2023. I say unfair because Mort is the 3rd Discworld book by publishing order, and Monstrous Regiment is the 31st. Obviously the latter is going to be more polished. Regardless, this was a great read, Death was the highlight character by far.

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle: I absolutely devoured this book. I follow Chuck Tingle on here and I think he's got a lot of very wise and important things to say. The Camp Damascus ebook was on sale for really cheap a while ago, like only a dollar or two if I remember correctly, so I bought it on kind of an impulse. Had no real idea what the book was about besides it being horror. I was immediately hooked. It had that beautiful balance of weirdness and realism that makes a horror novel feel right. If you are into fringe religious groups, characters coming to terms with their sexuality, and/or canonically autistic characters (from an autistic author too), I would highly recommend. The one major critique I would mention is that there is a love interest that gets introduced around halfway through the book who I honestly didn't really connect with. Through the circumstances of the plot we don't really get to know much about her or her relationship. Not the biggest deal in the world, I still gave it a 4/5.

Adulthood Rites by Octavia E. Butler: She's done it again. I don't know how to express to you the things the Xenogenesis series has done to me. I feel torn apart and put back together again. An absolute must-read, with fascinating world-building and compelling characters. There are a lot of things this book and the one before it made me think about. What it means to consent. What is so terrifying about difference. How desperation and collaboration make work for and against each other. What we do to survive. Why we want to survive. All the things we don't understand. It's is an absolutely brilliant story that I cannot recommend enough. Truly everything I want in science fiction is given to me in this series. 5/5.

[ishaslife]

Dragon Age: Dreadwolf or Dragon Age: Dreadful?

Everything in this post is an opinion and a rant.

I'm going to get straight to the point. I don't think it's a surprise that BioWare's promotion and marketing for Dreadwolf has been horrible. First of all, the title itself is a massive spoiler for people who are probably just getting into the series, and secondly; the drip-feeding of "content" for the new game is just plain infuriating. The in-game cinematic released on Dragon Age Day last year is an example. It gave no extra information whatsoever and was basically just a rundown of things we already know from Inquisition. I don't have any issues with the game releasing late, I just wish they'd stop talking about it until they have a proper trailer or release date in mind.

There have been big comparisons made with Baldur's Gate 3 and Dragon Age and I can understand why. Probably because Bioware has worked on Baldur's Gate before but most likely because both of those games have been highly anticipated for some time and resemble each other in many ways. They both have a party and romance system which allows people to get to know the characters better and makes the plot much more interesting. I'm hoping that the new DA game will continue this like its predecessors but that's all I can do, hope. One can only hope when it comes to Dragon Age whereas Larian Studios (the studio that's making Baldur's Gate 3) has had the game available for early access since October of 2020 and constantly takes critique and suggestions on the game and how to go forth with it. Its steady development and polishing (at least steadier compared to DA) have led to its release being finally being announced which is in August this year along with a trailer to boot. Dragon Age: Dreadwolf on the other has been in development for nearly 7 years or more and we have close to no content on it other than some side stories, a behind-the-scenes reel that is 2 years old now, a spin-off Netflix show which was decent at best. And its teasers are now 4 years and 2 years old respectively. Most of this recent "content" doesn't even have anything to do with Solas or the plot of the game. And while I love The Missing comics that have just come out, they are not being marketed as well as they should be.

Trust me, I don't want to have doubts but BioWare isn't making things easy. With so many people leaving the studio and the date being pushed further and further, it's quite hard to stay positive. I absolutely love this world, Dragon Age: Origins and the entire series is my favourite and most likely always will be but I'm starting to lose faith in the developers. I don't want the final game to be ruined and what they don't realise is that their constant drip-feeding is only racking more pressure for their game to be a great success as people except a great deal when the game finally comes out given how we have gotten close to nothing on its story, characters etc. They're making the same mistake that CDPR did for Cyberpunk 2077, hyping up the game with nothing for a while only for it to be a massive disappointment when it came out.

I just hope that Dragon Age: Dreadwolf, whenever it comes out, is truly THE game that everyone has been waiting for, in terms of something that BioWare has always been known for; story. DA games have always had great stories and I hope for nothing else with Dreadwolf. Even if the gameplay sucks and the game doesn't look that good, at this point all I care about is the story. Please BioWare, by the maker, don't fuck up your characters and your own reputation.

Dragon Age: Dreadwolf is truly a game that can either make or break BioWare.

[literaticat]

I always remove a list of overused words ("grease words") in an edit. It's gruelling and boring. The manuscript can be quite polished and edited before I get to the list of overused words which, when complete, gives it another polish and lowers the word count. But if you forget and send some out without doing that, how offputting would extra justs, turned, looks, etc. be to an agent if the manuscript is otherwise quite polished, no spelling mistakes or errors, just those overused words?

Here's the thing (please don't throw tomatoes at me)

it doesn't matter?

Like, OK, yes, obviously your book should be as polished as you can make it but also -- BUT ALSO --

nobody cares.

Like - what we CARE about is, that the writing is generally strong, the story is effing terrific, that you have knocked it out the park plot-wise, that the characters are memorable and the emotions are there, that it's un-put-down-able, or whatever. I don't actually care if there are extra "justs" in it, or a couple typos, or whatever. I'm not paying attention to that - I'm paying attention to, big picture, IS this book successful at what it is trying to do, and DOES THIS BOOK MAKE ME FEEL THINGS.

So if the manuscript is riddled with so many problems that it is distracting me from FEELING THINGS -- that's an issue. But a few "extra" words or a weird comma here or there? Not a problem. Honestly! ALL BOOKS need to be edited and copyedited. Even those by famous, professional authors. You are NEVER going to get every single mistake that is in there by yourself. You just aren't. It's impossible.

So, yes, obviously, run spell-check, make sure your prose is as tight as you can reasonably make it, make sure there are not horrific grammar mistakes or whatever, read it out loud to make sure it flows, get a critique group or whatever if you want to -- of course, of course, do what you CAN do to make it shiny and the best that you can reasonably make it -- but also, don't lose your mind over that part. We are aware that you are one human person, and this is NOT a final draft.

(This is, incidentally, why it drives me out of my mind when authors are constantly fiddling with manuscripts after they have already submitted them - like no, babe, you don't need to send a whole new draft when you have only switched some sentences around! That will not change how I feel about the ENTIRE BOOK!)

It doesn't matter and nobody cares feels like a nihilistic motto in a way, but personally I find it reassuring and freeing. Like - literally nobody else is thinking as hard or worrying as much about what you are doing as YOU are. Nobody is going to beat you up if you relax a bit on the "grease words" -- nobody else is even thinking about that. I promise. Free yourself!

[magpiefngrl]

a thought about betaing

haven’t mentioned this here before but I’ve started offering freelance critique services, mostly focused on dev editing, and so I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about editing feedback (aka what we call in fandom betaing) and ways we can totally fuck up when giving it.

And one of the things that had never occurred to me so far is what i’ll call the timing. What I mean by that is whether an author shares a work for feedback early in the process of writing or later. Now, these musings are coloured by my personality and insecurities and the kind of writer I am; others will differ. But for me, when I first write something, when it’s in the process of taking shape, or when it’s just before being done, it’s super fragile. I’m really quite vulnerable to harsh criticism in a way that I’m not when the story has been finished, edited, revised, and polished by myself quite thoroughly before giving it to someone for a second look. The former work is a bud that needs care and gentle handling; the latter is an oak, sturdy and tall, that could do with a healthy dose of chopping down bits of it. I’m OK with the beta/editor taking an axe at the latter type of story. The more, the better (usually). I’m crushed when they do the same in the former type of story.

This prompted a realisation: it’s crucial for me as an author to know where I am emotionally regarding a piece of work and to ask for feedback accordingly, and it’s also crucial for me as an editor to try and figure out which stage the story I’m critiquing is. To know if the story could only take a gentle touch with lots of water and fertilizer and sunshine, or whether I could start pruning whole branches.

A beta treating a darling bud as an oak will destroy it. And I’ll be hurt. A beta treating an oak as a bud will be ineffectual. I won’t be hurt emotionally but the story will suffer.

In the end, the timing is all about self-reflection. Knowing exactly what you need from the person having a look at your work at that moment in time for that specific work.

[merrilark]

I finally finished Sheehan’s book, Disappearing Act, and I decided to rank which short stories I enjoyed from most to least along with a blurb about why. 

Please note that this is not meant to be a proper critique. I am not looking at the stories over-critically or picking them apart piece by piece. These are just my first thoughts and feelings after having read them and are purely subjective. 

For other people who have finished the book, I’d love to hear your thoughts, too! I’m itching to discuss some of these. c:

Anyways, without further ado, spoilers for Disappearing Act in the blurbs. The final thoughts at the very bottom are spoiler free.

1. Funeral (1st story) - Fun in a graveyard (haha) humor kind of way. I got very Alfred Hitchcock / Twilight Zone type vibes from this one; the creeping sense of dread in something as grey, familiar, and human as a funeral, or a man coveting someone else’s wife. Love this one. It got a good chuckle out of me despite the subject and I'll definitely read this one again.

2. Skin (4th story) - Terrifying and, along with “Funeral”, probably one of the most well-written of the bunch. I loved the detailing of the main character’s daily life, how her meticulousness and obsessiveness is shown through Rob’s word choices. The slow build toward the climax had my heart racing and my only critique is the Hag's dialog. I’m not fond of overusing dialect and Rob really pushed writing her accent to detail. It slowed down the pacing and I just always find too much accent work in text a little tacky. Still! An excellent story that I’ll probably read again. Great horror.

3. Desert Donkey Legs (8th story) - I love this one. Whimsical, strange, and captures a kind of freedom I think I've only experienced in dreams where I'm flying or, sort of like the main character, running with a superhuman sort of speed and grace (minus the fuzzy legs). I'm sure if I dug deeper, I'd find something more meaningful, but my first impression after reading this one is simply a jealousy for the animal kingdom. It's vicious in reality, but in a romanticized light, a person could almost imagine that most animals have it pretty easy. What does a donkey have to worry about but eating and sleeping? A dog? A cat? A mole? I think this story does a good job of capturing that sort of desire to find freedom outside the restrictions of human society. I enjoy this one a lot and don't actually find it quite as sad as the others.

4. Treasure (9th story) - A disturbing (but thankfully non-explicit) glimpse into the mind of a pedophile. Ranking this one above "Rose" only because I think it's better written and works well as a thriller or horror, and I’ve never cared all too much for fantasy. It’s more grounded in reality than the other pieces, and therefore much more terrifying. Overall a successful, brief character piece that, while jarring, treats the main character with the disgust he’s due. Not much else to say about this one.

5. House In the Country (10th story) - Whoof. If I'm honest, I didn’t know where to rank this one. It’s on par with “Treasure” and I’m only giving it number 5 by a very slim margin, with that margin being that “Treasure” felt much more satisfying by the end as we have the certainty that the criminal got what he deserved and things will look brighter for the town once he’s behind bars. Ian’s death in “House In the Country” was also satisfying, but that satisfaction is ruined by Dylan’s fierce hope for his future and the reader’s knowledge that his television heroes are never going to arrive to save him. This is certainly the heaviest of the stories, but the most well-written. "House In the Country” is the first story where I forgot entirely that I was reading “A Book By Robert Sheehan”, and I was just reading “A Book”, and that’s a great thing. It shows some promise in Sheehan’s ability to branch out into producing more fiction, with a bit more polish. I think I could write a whole essay picking this one apart and talking about the things I loved. 

6. Rose (3rd story) - Surreal to the point that I got a little confused at times about the world, which could have done with some better exposition, but beautiful. It reads like a dream twisting to a nightmare and I liked that a lot. I think this story would be best suited as a full novel rather than a short story and of all the stories, I think this is the one I would like to see expanded.

7. We Are All Alive At the Same Time Hurtling Through Space (15th story) - A small glimpse into the affair between an elderly ambassador and her younger attaché. There isn’t a whole lot to say about this one, as it’s really just that, a glimpse, but I liked it a lot for both how it was written and the charm of the characters. I especially loved the bits about how we pick up things from our parents, which they picked up from their parents, and so on and so forth, and how those little things (such as a simple throat-clearing) can survive through generations. Parts of our ancestors and their ancestors live on, forever, through their descendants. There’s just something enamoring about that.

8. Snakes (6th story) - Less interesting than the others, but I enjoyed the twin element and the somber end. I’d like to have something more interesting to say and pick apart the meaning behind the snakes and the reference to Old Dark Magic in relation to Sa, but I’ll need to re-read it. Maybe I’ll do that some other time. Anyway, this one is well done.

9. Salvador Daley (16th story) - This one had an interesting storytelling quality about it that made it feel like being spoken to, face-to-face, at a pub, listening to someone talk about an odd firebug local. There’s really not much else to say about it. This is the second to last story (and the final one written by Rob) and, yeah, definitely think I’m getting tired at this point. Not for a lack of enjoyment, but perhaps a lack of structure.

10. Alleyway (13th story) - This is another head-scratcher. It isn't as surreal as the others, I just don't understand the symbolism behind the alleyway man or the main character's motivation to break his routine. Maybe, just first-thinking, it's a commentary on how wound up in technology and capitalism we all are, how we let it rule our lives and, in a way, turn us into little machines desperate for any sort of positive change. I think the main character breaking routine and going a little nuts to give alleyway man a taste of nature is an example of a person attempting to escape, or maybe symbolic of someone who only pretends to care about the earth at surface level, so long as it's big and loud and leads to internet fame? 

11. Medusa (5th story) - Could be the (albeit pretty tastefully written) sex scene that put me off, but I didn’t like this one either, and it was hard to decide whether which I disliked more: this one, or English Def. In the end, I decided I disliked this one the most because there’s a very sudden POV change that tripped me up and pulled me out of the story. It’s also told in second person singular, which can be done well, but this story sort of loses its traction around the middle.

12. No Frills (11th story) - Some nice lines that I really enjoyed and had a decent start but totally unraveled for me halfway through. I'm either too stupid to understand this or way, way too sober.

13. English Def (2nd story) - A trudge. Enjoyed some parts, but overall I didn’t think this one was very pleasant (not that it needs to be! I just didn’t care for it). Again, the overuse of dialect bothered me. I suppose if the goal was to make me really feel like an angry Englishman drunk off his head, then it did a wonderful job lmao

14. Vending Machine (14th story) - Didn’t care for this one. Well-written enough but I don’t think Rob should have written from the standpoint of an American, not because he’s Irish but there’s a few oddities that sort of take me out of the story because I’ve never heard an American speak the way this guy does. But then I don’t know any truckers so maybe it’s a subculture I’m not familiar with. In any case, this one, like most, had some interesting bits, but overall was just too meandering for me. I know that plot is secondary or not even all that important in these stories, but I think some plot is required for a story to be compelling. Even character driven stories or studies say something about the character. This one...? I don't know. I could just be missing something but I feel that I didn't learn anything about this character. If there's any symbolism to be had with the vending machine, its flown straight I've my head.

15. Scab (12th story) - Unfortunately another story I didn't care much for, but with only five more stories to read at this point, I've realized that surreal stories just aren't for me. I think this one could be about self-harm but while the character ends up intentionally hurting himself at the end, that doesn't quite feel right either. Dunno. This one didn’t do much for me personally.

16. Frayed (7th story) - Unlike “No Frills”, “English Def”, and “Medusa”, which... I didn’t like as a whole but could find some spattering of something enjoyable, "Frayed" was an unpleasant read both in style and subject. The concept is intriguing and nightmarish in a way that could be fun, but I don’t like the execution. I think I actually could have been more okay with this one if it hadn't included the yelling for help, shushing, and burping. It went from bizarre, surrealistic horror and veered screeching tires and all into vore fetish territory. Not to shame anyone's kinks, you do you, but it's not for me, and Rob has awakened a whole new squick for me that I didn't even realize I had. So... thanks, Rob, sorry, Rob?

There’s also final short story by Joseph Sheehan (I assume Joe Sheehan, Rob’s dad) which I won’t talk too much about since Rob didn’t write it. It’s nice, though, and has a similar feel as “Salvador Daley”.

SO. Anyway, TLDR, overall thoughts...

Without spoiling too much, Disappearing Act is quite a bit darker than I was led to believe by earlier marketing. Where I expected something fun and light-hearted, I got severe child abuse, attempted mutilation, urine, and potential vore fetish. However. With the exception of “Frayed” which, I’m sorry, I hated, Robert handles his subjects well and the darkest and most disturbing of the stories (”House In the Country”) is actually one of the best written.

Overall, this was a good debut for Rob as an author. It isn’t perfect, many of the stories suffer a bit structurally, and from my rating list, I’d really probably only re-read 1-9, but it’s not a bad book by any means. You can tell that there is a lot of heart behind them, and passion. Rob’s note at the beginning very much makes the book feel like a personable gift to his audience. So even though some lines or stories read like someone trying a little too hard, you can still feel the love and sincerity behind the words, ideas, and whatever he’s trying to convey.

I’m glad to have read it, overjoyed for Rob, and I hope we get to see more of his writing soon. I’m eager to see how he grows and get another peak at that wonderfully strange mind of his.

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Album Songs Ranking (Remade)

It’s been a few years since I ranked all of Lana’s (album) songs so I wanted to do it again. This is all my OPINION, which I’m sure some people might disagree with, but you don’t have to agree with it. This is also a very long post.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

This cover song is just a little too drab and uninteresting to me, and I never listen to it. After the brilliant, sprawling, sexy, heart-breaking tracks on Honeymoon, this feels like a tacked-on track just to plump up the album. It feels simply like a cover.

For Free

Though this is a well-made song, with three brilliant women owning the track, it again just feels like a cover. It fits in well with Chemtrails, but by the time I get to this song I’ve had my fill.

Breaking Up Slowly

It just feels repetitive and simple, something only to have on in the background while my attention is diverted. It’s a good song and a nice attempt at bringing Lana’s country music in, but it does little to keep me interested.

God Knows I Tried

This song is filler. Jammed between the jazzy softness of Terrence Loves You and the pop favourite High By The Beach, this track just feels like it was sort of shoved in. It doesn’t even feel completely right on Honeymoon, instead a throwaway song that bridges Ultraviolence and Honeymoon whilst not fitting in with either album.

24

Though perfect for the credits of a Hollywood movie, 24 has plenty of flair but nothing of substance. The lyrics aren’t as imaginative as most of Lana’s music and I’m not surprised this song found itself near the end of the album.

Lucky Ones

Personally, this song irritates me. It's sickly in its lyrics, sugary in the romance and classic Lana tropes of dangerous men and Lana starstruck by them no matter if they’re ‘careless cons and crazy liars’. The little flair of the verses and the overtly sweet chorus really irks me, especially following the brilliance that is Lana’s first ‘Del Rey’ album.

Coachella

It is a rushed track, sounding completely unfinished and hurried with an unconvincing track beat. Polished, it would be brilliant – but it sounds like Lana thought of the song (which sounds promising in the video where she sits in the forest and sings) and had to force it to ‘fit in’ with the trap-pop tracks on Lust For Life. The lyrics are thoughtful, if not cliché, but it could have been done better.

This Is What Makes Us Girls

It just doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I can’t connect to the lyrics in any way, I just don’t feel anything when I hear this song and choose to skip it. That being said, the demos are pretty fun.

God Bless America

As much as it’s a song honouring women during a period of time when feminism was being shaken, it doesn’t quite feel like Lana’s heart is in it. The patriotism is uneasy considering she was removing herself from the American flag and its associations, and the anthemic feel never lifts. It’s a sweet song, but never goes deeper than surface level.

Religion

Though fairly sexy and haunting – her unshaken faith to her man, her drawling voice – this delicate track is too simple and sombre for me to get completely into it. I always want to skip and get to my favourites.

In My Feelings

It’s great Lana has a bad-girl, bad-bitch, fuck-you pop track but this, like Coachella, feels unfinished. It has the vibe of work in progress, and the vocals are still messy (surely intentionally, though it doesn’t always come across that way) as well as trying slightly too hard. It doesn’t compare to Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

The verses don’t match up to the choruses and I feel nothing – not empowered or emotional – when listening to this song, but it is a beautiful duet between Lana and Stevie. Their voices really are divine together and though I don’t listen to this song much, the demos are even better.

Change

Mostly because it freaks me out, this is a song I don’t often listen to. With a basic structure yet long, meandering lyrics, Lana broods over the state of America at the time, which can make for depressive listening. Though it’s a pretty enough song, it’s seriousness is too much to bear sometimes.

Blue Velvet

Sometimes too slow, Blue Velvet doesn’t inspire multiple listens in me, but it is a gorgeous cover and absolutely a showcase of Lana’s vocals.

Diet Mountain Dew

A cheeky little track that won many over, it still is hard for me to fully get into it. However, it ages like fine wine and is a wonderful step into the Lizzy Grant unreleased tracks (especially with the many, sometimes even better demos).  

Burning Desire

It’s a messy song, with Lana’s vocals shaky and the instrumental not quite up to scratch, but this song is certainly a guilty pleasure and great for getting into the sexy mood. The car metaphors are a bit much, especially considering it’s for a car advert, but if you get past that it’s a song to add to your freaky playlist.

Money Power Glory

As powerful and dark as this song is, with incredible instrumentals and Lana at her most dynamic, I barely remember the lyrics of the verses, instead waiting for the rich choruses.

Swan Song

A gentle track that has a lot of untapped power behind it, this is a quiet stormer of a song that has a lot of heart and grace. It may be a filler track, but it is definitely better than some.

Bartender

Even more gentle is the confessional, piano-led Bartender, which is a sweet little love song stripped back much like Lana’s simple romance where she sneaks out to see her lover. The main (and probably ridiculous) thing that keeps me from falling in love with this song more – though I’m already pretty amazed by it – is the very quiet sound of feedback that comes and goes, a fuzzy noise that is very subtle but distracting enough for me.

The Next Best American Record

This song would be higher if it was Architecture – the gorgeous, well-thought stunner that wowed us all when it was leaked. The lyrics are less fractured relationship and more wishy washy, wiping away the gritty sadness that made Architecture so beloved (at least to me). Now it’s been made ‘happier’, it’s hard to tell what the song is – is Lana happy with her lover or is she sad like in the unreleased version? Is this a break up song or a celebration of the romance? What does it mean now that it is both of them that are obsessed with writing? It’s something for me to certainly explore more, but it is paled in comparison to the original.

When The World Was At War

This track grew on me, with the hidden lyrics, fun vocals and hopeful message. Lana knows how to make a song that lifts your mood and this is certainly one of them.

Guns and Roses

I used to despise this song – finding it boring and dull. However, after giving it a listen years later, it is in fact a beautiful song with a gritty feel that is perfect for Ultraviolence. It fits in perfectly with the album and the extended tracks, and though it isn’t the strongest lyrically, the vocals and dreamy feel is thrilling.

Lolita

I choose to listen to this song without the underage character – or romantic connotations of her – in mind, instead seeing this song as a grown woman trying to charm an older man. However, as I have grown older – and read (and loved) the book several times more – I feel more inclined to distance myself from this song. It’s a fun, perky pop track but it definitely feels dated.

Dance Till We Die

Lana sings of her connection to other famous female singers and her daughter’s chosen name, making this a very personal pop song that also reminds of When The World Was At War for its hopeful and ultimately positive edge. It is a little slow but incredible touching, and the bridge is so kickass you can’t help but dance along.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

This is a very sweet little song that again showcases the more positive side of Lana’s music, rather than the heartbroken and distressed women she tends to play. Though it is a filler song it’s a very pretty one and so catchy.

Wild At Heart

Wild At Heart is similar to Not All Who Wander Are Lost in that it’s a departure from a tragic femme fatale, instead a love song that also mimics Swan Song in that she considers leaving fame for her lover. What makes it even better is how Lana samples How To Disappear, a much sadder track, and twists it into something happy with this ultimately more upbeat album.

Radio

Like Diet Mountain Dew, Radio is another perky tune that is more than just a catchy filler. It’s a little bit sassy and has an edge to it (with the expletives and how her life is sweet not like sugar but cinnamon) that keeps it from being too frothy. Speaking of Lana’s newfound fame, it’s a nice break from the love ballads and tragedies peppered throughout Born To Die.

Without You

Shockingly dramatic, Without You is the ultimate symbol of Lana’s older music – a woman who could only feel happy unless her man was in her life. She has definitely moved on for the most part from wailing her demise at losing her lover but Without You is still glamorous, catchy and perfect to singalong to.

The Other Woman

This is one of Lana’s best covers – Nina Simone’s song about being the other woman and how it is in fact lonely and heart-breaking. Lana makes the song her own, her vocals stunning and lo-fi with instrumentals that are perfect for Ultraviolence.

How To Disappear

I feel that the live version of How To Disappear, where she sung it on stage before it was released with its real instrumental, is the superior version. It’s stripped back and tender enough to feel the emotion thoroughly, but the album version doesn’t disappoint. It’s one of many great tracks from (what I think is) her best album, and has a great story within it.

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Lana’s satirical, sexy and stirring Fucked My Way Up To The Top was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep from being too much of a cliché. Perhaps based on her real experiences but definitely a fuck-you to anyone who critiques her for owning her sexuality, it’s a little bit controversial but an incredible song.

Tomorrow Never Came

This song, which is a gorgeous duet with Sean Ono Lennon and a nice nod to 20th century music, subverts expectations that it is a sad song by in fact including a happy ending. I love how it can make you cry with both sadness and happiness, and tells a sweet story that paints pictures of parks and country houses.

Yosemite

The long-awaited Yosemite didn’t disappoint, and though it took a while to grow on me it became a classic and somehow familiar track. It’s impossible to not sing or dance to it and wouldn’t be out of place in Lust For Life.

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing

It’s quite slow – the Change/24/Old Money of Norman Fucking Rockwell – but it is clearly a personal and well-thought song that references Lana’s great inspiration Sylvia Plath. Lana’s deft at getting her thoughts out in song and I think though it’s not a song I often listen to, it is beautiful.

Honeymoon

The sweeping violins, dramatic vocals and the dangerous undercurrent makes Honeymoon crackle with electricity. It’s an amazing introduction to an album that once again has dangerous men, bad girls who get hurt but are strong again and amazing instrumentals. Though it’s not the best song from the album, it sets the tone perfectly.

Million Dollar Man

Like Without You, it’s another song of complete devastation, which Lana has grown from in her music. Million Dollar Man shows some great vocals and lyrics, and gets the emotion out perfectly whilst honouring the music that inspired her.

Old Money

The verses are pretty enough but they don’t catch my attention the way the choruses do. The slow, steady song took a long time for me to really appreciate but it’s impossible not to feel some kind of emotion when Lana lets her lover know she will be with them whenever they need her.

Sad Girl

Like The Other Woman, Sad Girl shows how being the other woman has it’s downfalls but appreciates the sexy, exciting side of it – how alluring her man is and how much of a bad bitch she may be. Once again, it’s a pure Ultraviolence song that shows Lana’s vocals and music in the best way whilst showcasing the classic caricature of the femme fatale.

Dark Paradise

Strangely upbeat for such a sad song, Dark Paradise is great to dance to but also something that makes you want to cry. Lana’s vocalisations and dramatic lyrics don’t quite compare to some of her other songs but Dark Paradise is iconic.

Summertime Sadness

The slow-burn, emotional gut punch that is Summertime Sadness is always a classic and one of Lana’s best. Though it is far from my personal favourite it is absolutely an outstanding song and the perfect example of Lana’s most well-made and well-delivered songs.

Gods and Monsters

The strained Gods and Monsters is a great tale about the evil side of fame, which Lana never quite delves too deeply into but gives a metaphorical and mildly personal nod to. Gods and Monsters is one of those songs that has you singing along and feeling strong.

Carmen

Carmen is a beautiful, sad story that feels rich and luxurious despite its harrowing lyrics of an alcoholic star. The French bridge adds to the decadence and it feels like a dirty alcohol bottle wrapped in silk, from the tentative verses to the unnerving chorus.

Born To Die

One of Lana’s original pop chart tracks, this is a song that never grows old. It’s one of the blueprints of the Lana Del Rey era and deftly shows her vocals whilst setting the tone for the pessimistic, romantic star in the early 2010s.

Salvatore

Opening with laughing – or crying – Salvatore has an eerie feel to it, though it is completely erotic in feel (enough to ignore some of the simpler lyrics). It is a song that feels dreamy, much like the rest of Honeymoon, but passionate and reminding of some of her older music (from the vocals in the bridge that have a Lolita/Fucked My Way Up To The Top feel to them to the continued trope of bad boys and glamour).

Flipside

Dirty, gritty and quite contained, Flipside is a song that I wished had more attention. It’s not her most imaginative song but there’s something about it, from the gloomy guitars to the hushed vocals, that have me wanting to sing it over and over. It also is one of her great fuck-off songs, as sympathetic as it is resilient.

Doin’ Time

Lana really turns this song into her own with the summery instrumentals and the pop edge she is so good at. It’s surprisingly one of her best covers and a fresh-feeling track that isn’t bogged down by emotion or maudlin music.

Lust For Life

Breathless and oh-so-romantic, Lust For Life is one of those songs that was perfect for the charts, and a key piece in Lana’s turn into becoming more positive. However, as fun and lovely as this song is, the demos are a whole other ball game. A little more ethereal, they fit Lana much more perfectly and it’s sad she dismissed the witchy feel for a song that is brilliant but generic.

Love

One of Lana’s warmest and most refreshing songs, she looks at love with fondness and dedicates this track to her ‘kids’. She knows her fans well and to make a song that references them (much like Happiness Is A Butterfly’s nod to her ‘babies’) makes this song all the more pleasant.

The Greatest

Lana’s vocals are put to good use in this intimately-written song. She speaks her mind in her reminiscence of the past and the worries for the future, all with a storming chorus that is certainly one of her best.

Love Song

Tender and almost tentative, Love Song is one of those tracks that is romantic through-and-through. It’s stripped back enough to feel like it really is a private song for only her lover’s ears, just as confessional as Cinnamon Girl and Bartender.

White Mustang

Short but sweet, this song has all the makings of a Lana Del Rey song, harking back to the Born To Die days with her imagery and fallen love affair, but it is spiky enough to be part of her later music where she starts giving less shits. The whistling and race cars are a nice touch, displaying her play on words snugly.

Dark But Just A Game

Sort of jazzy, Dark But Just A Game is ever-shifting and never quite settles on a particular sound. It’s cohesive, however, and clearly states what Lana is thinking in a way that works with the rest of Chemtrails. It’s pretty sexy as well, which doesn’t hurt the enjoyability factor.

High By The Beach

The wooziness, the carelessness and the growth from a woman begging to be put in a movie to a woman who is able to do as she pleases. Lana stumbles and swears through the song but knows exactly what she wants – and it isn’t disappointing men or stalking paparazzi.

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Some may think it much slower and more boring than a lot of her tracks, but I think it’s a tidy, sweet track. Lana plainly states her love, urges her man to run away with her and lets her emotions (and voice) do the talking.

Summer Bummer

Lana is as restless as a hot summer in this song and it works. Her brisk-paced yet soft-voiced lyrics and gorgeous imagery gets my pulse racing, and ASAP Rocky’s verse works well for it. Though it would have been interesting to get a full, solo Summer Bummer, Rocky adds an edge to this song and compliments his ‘lover’ well.

Groupie Love

Much more flowery and wide-eyed, Groupie Love is like a contradiction. Lana’s passionate dalliance with Rocky’s god-like star opposes the relationship in Summer Bummer (uncertain) but both are just as secret. Groupie Love has the edge of being ultra-dreamy and demonstrating pure love – and lust – without the messiness.

American

It’s a filler track that has potential for much more. It’s an adorable song, almost cautious in its lead-up to the satisfying chorus, and is filled with Lana tropes galore. Following Lana’s stressed Ride and coming before the darkly sensual Cola, American is a breath of fresh air.

National Anthem

What an anthem it is. It’s simply provocative and one of her most classic tracks. Mixing love, money and fame together with a bit of sex thrown in, National Anthem is precisely what Lana’s America seems to be.

Is This Happiness?

It’s muted, mournful and resentful, questioning a relationship that Lana wants to keep but at the same time doesn’t. This is one of Lana’s best sad songs, tearful as it is still adoring beneath the exasperation.

Art Deco

Art Deco is purely dreamy, a song to bathe in. The lyrics are a little bit simple but Lana’s vocals and the flowing, aquatic music is the perfect hook.

Terrence Loves You

Lana’s jazzy song is delicate, letting only her voice and the saxophone dominate. With references to David Bowie, Lana pines for someone who hurt her badly, but she soothes herself with music the way plenty of her fans do when listening to her records.

White Dress

The vocals were a surprise at first – high, strained whispers – but they definitely grew on me. Painting a picture of young Lana loving life and dreaming of bigger things, it’s nostalgic in lyrics but also reminds of some of Lana’s old work – her unreleased tracks where she would serve coke and fries.

Chemtrails

It gets better as it goes on, growing and twisting from a song to sunbathe to into a restless, darkening track. It has the best vibe for an idealised world with something a bit off, and the imagery of pools, jewels and schools grounds Lana into a (very, very rich) normality rather than the glamorous star she always liked to portray.

13 Beaches

Opening with a quote from Carnival of Souls, Lana takes High By The Beach to the next level. She goes from sticking her middle finger up to the paparazzi to simply wishing she would be allowed to live her life without them hounding her. It’s a matured approach that uses sound interestingly, with beeps and whines adding a strange texture to the song.

Cola

The controversial line was intended as humour, but strangely it works. Even if Cola is satire like Fucked My Way Up To The Top, Lana owns the ‘other woman’, the patriotic singer, the sexy and unashamed woman who says what she thinks without caring of the consequences. It’s an iconic song, even if you have to turn the volume down to not offend.

Black Beauty

The unreleased version is ten times more emotive, with its stripped back and lonesome feel, but the album version is just as good. The ultimately loving but unhappy lyrics are full of stunning imagery, and this is a song that would have been perfect with a music video.

Body Electric

Blasphemous as much as it honours icons, Lana sinfully owns Body Electric. The bridge is a bit out of place but Lana’s eyebrow-raising approach to religion and sexuality is genius.

Off To The Races

The best demonstration of Lana’s vocals, Lana plays the glam girl without a care just as well as the Lolita-type, needy lover in this ode to money and her man. The soaring bridge is stunning, and the swirling violins add an air of Hollywood to it.

Bel Air

Completely overlooked (in my opinion), Bel Air is an apologetic song of redemption, a shining and honest track that is as touching as much as it is hazy and tranquil. With soft piano and the sound of children opening and closing the song respectively, it’s set apart from Paradise with a pureness that Lana pulls off well.

Ultraviolence

Controversial at the time and still controversial now, Ultraviolence is about being weak, about giving in to love no matter how toxic. I don’t entirely support the lyrics but it’s a stunning song, lo-fi enough to feel uneasy and haunting. When you shut off from the lyrics, you get a simply beautiful track.

Pretty When You Cry

Lana’s imperfect, close-to-tears vocals are wonderful in this song, and she really lets her emotion shine through. The pained guitar and Lana’s increasingly distressed singing are enough to get you feeling exactly as she does.

Florida Kilos

Fun. Fresh. Freeing. Lana’s ode to drugs is simply something to dance to and sing, and she somehow manages to get the sunny feeling across even with the Ulraviolence-esque grunginess. It’s one of my favourite songs of Lana’s because it’s just so happy, which is a nice departure from some of her heavier tracks.

Cherry

Many people’s favourite – Cherry. It was my favourite of Lana’s for a long time, dripping with sex appeal and sadness but with a cute dance to compliment it. It had all the right stuff wrapped up in a tidy, compact box and the imagery is lush. I still love this song but since then we’ve had the ‘Cherries’ of her next few albums, Cinnamon Girl and Tulsa Jesus Freak. Like these, Cherry was a song that seemed set apart from the rest of the album and was a novel take on her typical music.

California

Simply for It's meaningful, raw lyrics – promising to be there as soon as he wants her, much like in Old Money – California is a sun-soaked dream with a very honest approach. Lana isn’t completely devastated, or begging for her lover to return. She is sad but realistic, and only wants the best for him. It’s beautiful and sad with a crazily addictive chorus.

West Coast

The shift from fast-paced, grungey, whispered verses to sprawling, drawling choruses – complete with weirdly sexy beeps towards the end of the song – shook us all, and it’s one of Lana’s most interesting songs. Lana honours the West Coast but also her man, in love with the music scene as much as she is with him.

Shades of Cool

The snide verses. The gradually growing music. The guitars. The explosive chorus. The nuclear bridge. The absolutely perfect timing and pacing. Shades of Cool is flawless, another Sad Girl but with much more power, emotion and music.

The Blackest Day

The Blackest Day needs more attention. Cold in places, almost lost, but then wounded in the chorus, The Blackest Day rolls with the emotions and is the kind of song that makes you want to fall apart and sob. Which is good, in a way, as it shows how brilliantly Lana conveys emotion.

Freak

Cult-like and haunting, this is the sexy predecessor of California. Lana swoons and tempts in this track, from her harmonising to her pouting “take it to the back if you really wanna talk” - not to mention the rest of the song in its entirely, all elements married together to create the perfect seductive track.

Music To Watch Boys To

Like Art Deco, Music To Watch Boys To is fairly aquatic and dreamy. Like Freak, it has that cult vibe (the chanting of the bridge). However, this song is perfectly its own, from the mix-up of vocal styles to the shifting tone (sad to smug to obsessively in love).

Norman Fucking Rockwell

What an opener. Norman Fucking Rockwell lets the actual singing and lyrics do the talking, the instrumentals pushed back enough to let Lana’s gut-punching first line (“God damn, man child, you fucked me so good that I almost said I love you”) and her blue yet annoyed insults to her Norman Rockwell do the talking.

Mariner’s Apartment Complex

It’s a song for yourself and for the people you love. Lana is strong enough to take care of herself, to be her own guidance – and to take on her lover’s problems too. It’s an empowering song, so distant from a lot of her discography, and I adore the nautical references and the hopeful message.

Brooklyn Baby

Satire again, but it still works. Lana plays a (fairly cringey) and somewhat self-absorbed, over-confident singer who is too cool for her own boyfriend, but she does it well. From saying how she wished people didn’t judge her, to the freedom the seventies gives her, to the warm guitars and upbeat tone, to the backup vocals of Seth Kaufman, Brooklyn Baby is a song to remember for all the right reasons.

Ride

Ride is one of Lana’s best, if not the best. With her devotion to America and her open thoughts about needing other people to make her feel good and happy, Lana knocks it out of the park with the superb step up from Born To Die.

Video Games

Video Games is just beautiful, plain and simple. Lana’s low voice, telling a flowing story of the simplicities of true love, are removed from her ‘famous singer’ image she constantly tried to portray and instead open up to the heart of what she has always sung about: love and its many forms, good or bad.

Get Free

The new take on Ride was a pleasant surprise. From changing the lyrics to show she wants to move on and be happy to (silently) name-dropping her influences, Lana’s manifesto was a personal song that we could all resonate with. The outro of the beach was the perfect closer to Lust For Life, and Get Free summarised the album which took her from sad girl to someone who could let herself move on.

Heroin

Heroin is no doubt one of her best. It’s tense and dark, referencing Manson and (allegedly) a friend she lost years ago. Lana lets herself dive into her worst thoughts headfirst, not so much dreamy as it is nightmarish, but still comes out the other side dreaming of marzipan and ready to move on.

Tulsa Jesus Freak

The third of the ‘Cherries’, Tulsa Jesus Freak goes straight to a happy place. Where Cherry was angry and Cinnamon Girl was cautious, this track dives into being comfortable with her man. It was just as passionate as the other two songs but about religion, sex and self-satisfaction.

Blue Jeans

Plucking guitars, crying violins and Lana weaving a tale about a gangsta who left her, without explanation, and the hurt that follows. Similarly tied to Dark Paradise, Blue Jeans is the next level of that, her tough-girl spoken verses dismissed as the choruses open up and she pours her heart out.

Cruel World

Lana is on top-form on this song, furious, maddened, sad, taunting – she hits every emotion with style. Lana grows more and more unstable as the song goes on, invoking images of a woman scorned and no longer taking that shit, but she still has a fragility about her as she comes undone that is tied directly to her Ultraviolence era.

Happiness Is A Butterfly

This song goes through many stages. She is unsure, not knowing how her lover feels. She is optimistic, elated as she tries to capture the butterfly. She is dismissive, no longer caring if she might get hurt – she loves too much. She is pissed off, sick of being treated badly. She gives in, simply wanting to dance and just be happy. The flow of this song is constant, a little messy, but it has the beautiful message pinned to it: to keep trying to be happy and do what you love.

Fuck It I Love You

I love the music video version more than the album version, the latter being more stripped back. Fuck It I Love You just gives in to emotion, acknowledging Lana is hurt, her lover is hurt, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. She simply lets that feeling take over.

Cinnamon Girl

Cinnamon Girl touched me like no other Lana song has. Where Cherry was a mixture of emotions, good and bad, angry and loving, devastated and thrilled, Cinnamon Girl was about cautious optimism. Lana urges her lover to give in, and she knows – smiling as she sings it – she wins.

Venice Bitch

Venice Bitch just has that soothing, unhindered feel to it – and not just from the nine minutes of pure music and vibe. Lana dedicates this song to the kind of love that is just wholesome and homely, all whilst touching on her insanity, her ever-lasting love for America and the modern world (her live streams). It feels nostalgic yet contemporary, and adding the “fucks” and “bitch[es]” helps keep this song from being to sugary sweet but instead what it is – an honest love song rooted in the idealised and the realistic.

[nullset2]

Mother 3 - An In-depth Critique and Review

Ah, Mother 3, how I love you so!

The game which with which I forwent all possible aspirations to healthily integate into normal High School society: imagine walking into a party, people are drinking and being cool, and you ask them if they have ever played a very underground, very deep RPG only released in Japan called "Mother".

Yeah! I know! It's like you're asking to be bullied, and I realized it too late.

But anyway!

Mother 3 is one of the most important games you could ever play --alas, if only it wasn't near impossible to obtain it.

Yet, perhaps this adds to its allure and to the power of its narrative --a narrative which, by the way, I'm convinced is the very actual reason why it will never release formally in the United States.

As time has passed, I've actually become more and more impressed about how relevant the game is to the socioeconomic reality that we are in nowadays. I'm impressed that Shigesato Itoi had all of this in his mind's eye as early as 1996, and that the story was already written down in 1999!

Right now it's been 14 years since it's release on the GBA, but I think that the game is a timeless classic and warrants a playthrough now more than ever. Wanna know why?

Wanna find out?

Part 1. "A Japanese Copywriter's Americana"

The year is 1989 and a Japanese Copywriter --somebody who writes "Catch Copies", which are a sort of a long-form slogan that is very common in Japanese pop culture to advertise)-- by the name of Shigesato Itoi became a fan of the Dragon Quest series of RPGs, which are massively popular in Japan, even to this day. He also loved video games: he's asthmatic, so he recalls only being able to sleep sitting up as a child, and having to occupy his lonely time through asthma attacks playing video games, since he had to sit up and had nothing else to do at night.

His love of RPGs would linger in his mind until 1989 when he had an opportunity to meet with Hiroshi Yamauchi and Shigeru Miyamoto and was offered the opportunity to develop a video game with Nintendo. Harkening back to the endless hours he poured into Dragon Quest, his concept eventually took form by deriving from it. He called the story "MOTHER", as a reference to John Lennon's "Mother", since he is a very hardcore fan of The Beatles. The games have tons of obvious influence by old American films and comics, like ET and Peanuts, which he also loved very much.

For MOTHER, he wanted to explicitly go against the grain, by designing an RPG without "Swords and Magic", which stereotypically most RPGs follow, even from things as minor as to design a protagonist who was weak and vulnerable, asthmatic and without a Father Figure, yet, still heroic through much toil --which reflects Ninten from the original MOTHER for the famicom.

Miyamoto, in his usual taskmaster persona, arranged a team to work with Itoi for the creation of the RPG, by bringing in people from HAL laboratory and APE Inc, and thus MOTHER was born to great Japanese Acclaim. A game which took many risks in its genre, such as eschewing the idea of a separate overworld from navigation in the towns, the subject matter, the movement system and many other things which made it quite Unique. It was so popular that soon after the first project was released, MOTHER 2 started development, involving people from what's currently known as Game Freak and HAL Labs.

MOTHER 2 is a very unique game because it was the very first time that the series attempted to make an incursion in the Americas. Releasing in a big flamboyant flashy box, with a strategy guide and a bunch of goodies included, MOTHER 2 released as Earthbound in the states, a bigger and better version of the vision of the first game. Better graphics, Beatles references, sampled audio, pop culture cornucopia, it's all here and then some!

Famous for its role in technically driving the game, Satoru Iwata, ex-CEO and software developer for Nintendo,7 of Wii acclaim, helped the game meet its 1996 release date. It is known that the original version of the game ran into deep technical issues which the original dev team was not able to overcome. Once Satoru Iwata got involved, the game was reworked to a viable version and released to much critical acclaim. In his own words, he proposed to rewrite the tech that powered the main game. It was a matter of either continuing with the current code and be done in two years, or redoing everything and being done in six months under his vision, he said.

No matter its strong promotion from Nintendo, the marketing got botched, and the game paled compared to the flashy and bombastic magical RPGs of its era, like Final Fantasy VI, Super Mario RPG and Chrono Trigger of all things. So, Earthbound faced a very bad destiny in the states, by releasing to low acclaim, bad review scores and terrible sales numbers --even though it eventually reached Cult Classic status, due to its pure hearted nature, its hallucinogenic themes and characters, and its fantastic spirit over all.

And this game is worthy of discussion by itself a whole bunch because of the ripple effects it had in video game culture in the Western world. Enter starmen dot net. To this date, the epicenter of discussion for everything related to the MOTHER series. There you had me as early as 2002, browsing a half-rendered version of starmen dot net in a dingy computer in some dingy internet cafe in some shitty neighborhood in Mexico, trying to be a part of the discussion and the hype.

To this date, I consider starmen dot net as the non-plus-ultra case for how passionate Internet fan cultures can become.

Flat out, no other fandom has ever came close to the level of dedication, attention to detail and passion to tribute the original creation around which its fans congregate. A massive amount of fan paraphernalia has come out of starmen dot net --yes, even Undertale, 2015 indie darling RPG thing, originally got started on the Starmen dot net forums. People married and even started large, commercially viable enterprises, such as Fangamer.net, the firm which publishes Undertale, from starmen dot net.

...and then... silence...

After Earthbound's 1995 release, we enter a ten year hiatus for the series.

Even though both MOTHER games were incredibly popular in Japan, HAL Laboratory and APE Inc. weren't able to successfully make a jump onto the third dimension for the series come the Nintendo 64 era. They had a demo come the infamous Spaceworld 96, where a bunch of pre-release games for the then called "Ultra 64", which was the codename for the Nintendo 64, were showcased. And lo and behold, we have a sequel to Mother coming out, called Mother 3, the ROM for which has never been found by the way.

I'd love to get a look at the materials in that ROM.

The scarce footage we have available from it exhibits some of the elements we ended up seeing in the final released version of the game, like some of the original music like the Mozart ghost theme, and the DCMC section, albeit in a more primitive low poly way. It is known that both studios weren't very proficient at 3d Game development yet, which was still nascent. This together with other factors, such as the fact that at some point development was moved onto the unreleased-in-America, unpopular 64DD addon, undisclosed factors dropped the game into development hell, which ultimately led to its cancellation in the year 2000.

Plenty of mystery surrounded the now defunct project, to the dismay of a bunch of passionate fans in Starmen.net and elsewhere online. However, it turned out that the valiant effort of the fans, who made a huge amount of effort to campaign for the revival of the series, even mailing fanmail, fanart and other materials to the Itoi Shinbun offices in Japan (a titanical task in the world of the early 2000s).

Fast forward to 2003, and the Game Boy Advance, the little portable console that could, was in its Apex. Due to Satoru Iwata's campaining, it was announced that development on MOTHER 3 would be restarted, this time in 2D, for the gameboy advance. Much anticipation in Starmen.net followed this announcement, since it finally validated its efforts...

Come 2006, once the console was well into its end-of-life, with small nudges to play the game on a Gameboy player if possible, perhaps to try to follow suit with its predecessors, the sequel finally released to much acclaim. But what did Shigesato Itoi have in store for everyone all along? What kind of beast had just been unleashed onto the World?

Part 2. "Of Monkeys and Men"

Mother 3 follows the story of a young boy, Lucas, in a multi-chapter structure, which is novel for the series but not unheard of in the RPG genre. Besides this, the RPG plays very similar to your usual JRPG fare, and basically uses the Ultimately polished version of the MOTHER series' mechanics, groovy backgrounds and all.

The first three chapters of the game follow the perspective of different characters residing in Tazmilly Village as the plot of the game unfolds. The plot is centered around the residents of a peaceful town in an Island in an unspecified location, Nowhere Islands, which in my opinion is an allegory both of Japan and America, moreover with the fact that the game of the logo very clearly has a rising sun covered in metal, in a logo that's an amalgam of two different things which don't match, a subtle reference to the game's undertones to come.

From these residents we come to know the daily lives of a particular family: Flint, a farmer; Hinawa, his wife (a name in reference to Sunflowers, Himawari, her favorite flower), and their twin children, Lucas and Claus.

The game begins in the midst of their idyllic life in the mountains visiting Lucas' grandfather Alec, and playing around with meek dinosaurs which inhabit Nowhere Islands. See, in the world of Mother 3, no violence truly exists, and people have come to live peacefully with each other and nature. There's no such thing as the concept of money, Instead relying on an economy that's mostly based around bartering and hospitality.

However, everyone's lives veer into turmoil once strange alien beings invade, the Pigmask army, an army of big, fat and slovenly creatures dressed in pig-like attire, who seem to have a vast amount of technology and resources at their disposal yet aim for Nowhere Islands for colonization.

The Pigmasks have an as-of-yet unnamed leader, who is demanding them to make everything in the World "bigger, cooler, stronger and faster", and thus they seize Nowhere Islands by force of bombings and a forest fire to use its flora and fauna. And thus, while escaping from the forest fires returning from Alec's home, Hinawa tragically gets killed by a Drago which has been modified to be aggressive against its nature through robotics implanted in it by the Pigmask army.

There's an unused cutscene in the game's ROM data where Hinawa, instead, dies by bomb explosion...

...yeah, I'm just... gonna let you process that one by yourself ;)

The Drago left a fang in the middle of her heart, which is recovered by one of the Tazmillians and provided back to Flint along with a fragment of her crimson dress. Besmirched and angry, Claus, the festier one of the twin children, sets out to try to hunt the drago and achieve revenge, but he goes missing... Flint embarks in search of Claus and to kill the drago, and thus the first chapter of the game concludes, with the implication that Claus has gone missing...

With Lucas' family torn to shreds and The Pigmasks invading Tazmilly, it seems that we're in a situation ripe for disaster.

Chapter 2 follows Duster's adventure, which runs in parallel (as every other chapter will) to other chapters' stories. Duster is the last heir in a bloodline of Cat Burglars whose abilities are not in use anymore given that Tazmilly has no more commerce or crime. However it turns out that the Pigmask invasion puts his skills back in demand to infiltrate Oshoe Castle and retrieve an artifact which the Pigmasks are after and which Duster's family is the guardian of. The nature of the artifact in Oshoe Castle is as of yet unknown, however it is implied that it is important to the fabric of Tazmilly village.

At Castle Oshoe, Duster meets a mysterious princess, Kuma-tora (which translates literally to "beartiger", in allusion to the dichotomy of her existence, since she is very... masculine in attitude and refers to herself with, yes, male pronouns, perhaps anticipating identity politics by 14 years at least), who is also after the artifact in the Castle, the Hummingbird egg. The chapter ends with the Hummingbird Egg going missing, and a mysterious peddler of goods arriving into town, while Kumatora and Duster's father realize he has gone missing...

Chapter 3 follows the adventure of a little Monkey, Salsa, which gets flown into Nowhere Islands to perform a job. This is a novelty in a town where the concept of a job doesn't exist as of yet, however, the peddler of goods is going to need a lot of hands if he wants to fullfill his vision. The peddler, Fassad (which is a tongue in cheek way to say "facade", right?) promises to all residents in Nowhere Island eternal happiness if they buy his newest product, the "Happy Box", a television-like contraption which glows with a warm light and which people are attracted to and engrossed by. For this, he introduces the concept of money and swindles people his way, convincing them that this is the way to go and promising them excitement and benefit if they listen to him.

Salsa delivers Happy boxes throughout the whole chapter, and gets shocked, even in the middle of the night, if something goes wrong with his job or tries to escape due to a shock collar implanted by Fassad. However, he runs into Kumatora and Wess, Duster's father, and they ploy together to free up Salsa and mess up Fassad's forceful takeover of Oshoe Castle, when Lucas shows up with several dragos in tow and fights against the Tank invasion of Oshoe Castle.

(A foreign animal being introduced into a new society with the express intent of exploiting it to propel forward a commercial enterprise by toil... geez, I dunno, where have I heard that one?)

From Chapter 4 Onwards the game adopts a more conventional JRPG scheme, through a timeskip which happens literally two years in the future. In this future version of Tazmilly, money (Dragon Points) and ATMs are now existent, similar to other Mother games. The game follows Lucas' adventure through a now-modernized and industrialized technologically advanced Tazmilly, trying to retrieve the "seven needles" from the island, which are soon enough shown to be a source of great power that the pigmask army is also after and to which Lucas must try to get to first due to a calling by mysterious beings which inhabit Nowhere Islands, the Magypsies. With a lot of emotional moments, such as Lucas having visions of his Mother in the middle of a field of Sunflowers, we follow the adventures of the party as they infiltrate the pigmask ranks and gather information about its nature and intentions.

It is then discovered that the pigmasks are commanded by a Masked leader, who dominates the power of thunder through a tower which was built in the middle of the town and which strikes anybody down with thunder if they overstep the Law and Order that the pigmasks have implemented. The party fights this masked leader in bouts while exploring the world and reuniting with a now missing Kumatora and Duster, who are found to have settled as employees in a Nightclub called "Club Titiboo".

Eventually, through his travels, Lucas gains an artifact from Mr. Saturn, the inhabitants of a special region in Nowhere called Saturn Valley and which has been passed down through all three Mother games, called the "Franklin Badge". When equipped, this item allows the bearer to become immune to lighting attacks and reflecting them back.

The party soon discovers that the world is inhabited by an special elder race, existant from before the creation of Tazmilly village and who know more about everything going on with the invasion, called the "Magypsies", a race of transexual, magical creatures who help Lucas discover the fact that he has Psychic abilities, also known as "PSI" within the MOTHER canon. He uses these to proceed further in his adventure to pull the seven Golden Needles, the first of which Fassad was attempting to get to, in the Courtyard of Oshoe Castle.

Lucas moves into a city called "New Pork City" in the conclusion of the game, which is a town built by the pigmasks completely in the honor of Porky, full of all sorts of Pigmask paraphernalia and amusement. It is found that the seventh and final needle is inside humongous tower in the middle of the city, the Porky tower.

Moreover, it is also revealed that the Pigmask army is led by Porky, known as "Pokey" in the American localization of Mother 2, Earthbound. Pokey is shown to have developed into a tyrant as an adult, with unlimited lust for blood and power, who used Doctor Andonuts' Phase Distorter after the events of Earthbound to mess around with the unlimited realities and dimensions it gave him access too, as a petulant child does with a video game. Once he got kicked out of every other possible reality due to the chaos he created, he found the Nowhere islands and decided to mess with it.

The climax of the game comes around Chapter 7, when the now fully-developed party runs into Leder, one of the original Tazmillian villagers, a lanky and really tall person who never spoke, not a single word, in the game until now. Leder is revealed to be the only person who knows what is the true nature of it all: tazmilly village is the remanider of civilization once the world of Mother 2 collapsed by cataclysm. A flood wiped away everything and the very last remainder of people who survived fled to nowhere islands in a big white ship and settled there, willingly forfeiting all technological advances and knowledge of the world into the Hummingbird egg, the artifact that Duster's family protected in Oshoe, a device which wiped everyone's memories, with the intent of undoing civilization and living back in a peaceful village-like state again.

It is revealed that when all seven needles are pulled, a supernatural power on which the island is built will be awakened. This supernatural power is revealed to be a Dragon by Leder, who had to be subdued by the ancestors of the Magypsies so people could live in Nowhere islands as their last resort. Whoever pulls out the needles which keep it in slumber will pass the intentions and nature of their heart onto the dragon. Thus, Lucas must be the one who pulls out the last needle instead of Porky or the masked man, in hopes that a second cataclysm like the first doesn't happen again.

After making their way through all the pigmask defenses, Lucas and Co. face off with Porky, who is now a bedridden, pathetic man. Doctor Andonuts from Mother 2, appears here, and is revealed to have developed a solution to contain Porky, the Absolutely Safe Capsule, which is a capsule which once it's sealed, it can never be opened again, trapping whoever is inside forever in a parallel universe where only them exist. The party is successful in locking Porky in the absolutely safe capsule, so, porky is not hurt by the end of mother 3, instead, he just has been locked away forever in a place far away from everyone else --perhaps, providing the ultimate form of comfort that a personality like his would seek after.

At the end of the game, Lucas and Co. face against the masked man, who is revealed to have been Claus all along, who, brainwashed with Pigmask ideologies, is hellbent on drawing out the final needle to awaken the dragon. Lucas and Claus face off in an emotive fight, where they suddenly remember each other and how friendly they used to be with each other... and moreover, their Mother. Claus strikes Lucas with thunder in a final murderous attempt before snapping out of the Pigmask brainwashing. But since he had the Franklin badge on, the attack is reflected and mortally strikes Claus, who, in his final moments, finally remembers Lucas...

The ending of the game is open ended, without showing much of what happened once the seventh dragon needle was released, so the ending of the game is subject to interpretation. However, it is heavily implied that, since Lucas was the one who released the needle, the dragon, once awakened, did not destroy Nowhere islands and instead led to a regeneration of existence.

Part 3. "A Musical-Adventure"

One of the pre-release materials for the game called it a "Musical" adventure, and I think this is completely warranted: the musical beautifulness of Hip Tanaka, famed Nintendo composer and long-time MOTHER music autheur, is joined by the expertise of Shogo Sakai, who gave the soundtrack a more mature, sample-based vibe, compared to the early two more "chiptuney" soundtracks in the series. The songs are all-time favorites of mine, and I still the soundtrack every so often given all of its mystique, its eclectiness and curiosness.

But the musical aspect to the game doesn't stop here: as an addition to the mother series, the battle system has now been changed to become rhythm-game based instead of simply turn based. If the player attacks an enemy during a battle, it is possible to strike additional damage as long as the player continues to press the attack button in rhythm to the background music in upwards of 16 hits. A full combo is incredibly effective and plays a nice fanfare if executed correctly.

As an enthusiast of rhythm games, this premise captivated me from the get-go and it works wonders, functioning as a breath of fresh air to the way overplayed mechanic of turn-based combat, which has existed since the 80s. It also provides a certain nice feeling to combat, given how every character has their personal musical instrument, with lucas being a guitar, Kumatora being an electric guitar, Duster being a bass, and Boney, Lucas' pet, being... barks.

Besides this the mechanics from Mother 2 are translated almost completely: every character has a rolling HP and PP counter, which rolls down over time as an airport display instead of immediately as in other RPGs. This may seem minor, but it adds an amazing element of strategy to the game, since it is possible to recover an ally from mortal damage if a healing PSI is executed against the clock before the counter hits 0.

Besides this you got almost completely conventional standard JRPG fare, with the character being able to move in eight directions in the overworld, with the addition of a run button, preemptive attacks and overpowered kills. Once you start facing enemies in the overworld, the first one to attack can be decided depending on the angle that the enemy was approached with: sneak up on an enemy from behind and a green swirl will display, which means that you get to attack first; if an enemy sneaks behind you, you'll see a red swirl and they will attack first instead. Otherwise, a gray swirl will display, which follows conventional order according to your stats.

Part 4. "WE WANT MOTHER 3, REGGIE!"

...Mother 3 will never be released in America.

This may be too dramatic of an opinion to have but I see no other alternative. For the most of fourteen years, Nintendo of America's head honcho Reggie Fils-Aime was requested to release and distribute the game in the americas, and for twenty years the request fell on deaf ears, citing commercial inviability, potential copyright infringment and many other reasons.

But I think the main reason that the game will never be localized is because Mother 3 was a passion project, pushed for by people with personal involvement in the series and very special sensitivities about it. Shigesato Itoi and Iwata were personal friends. The game appeals to japanese tastes and touches on issues and subjects that the American population is very politically sensitive to.

For example, in chapter 6 Lucas and the party experience a bad trip because they eat hallucinogenic mushrooms in a swamp. This leads to Lucas having visions of his family in a very bad light, with implications of violence and abuse, to try to get at the players' deepest sensitivities. Even the name of the real player is used here.

I think that it's impossible that nintendo will release a game which openly involves Hallucinogenics no matter its innocent exterior. This is the kind of subject in media that Japanese audiences usually handle better than American audiences.

Besides this, the game has very clear allusions to accelerated capitalism, anti-capitalism, colonization, slavery, transexuality and the changes and chaos they have brought onto the world, which is a tough subject to tackle in the Americas, which is still part of an ongoing, vicious culture war.

Particularly, I adore how the game even tries to convey its points through the Sound Test, of all places. Mother 3 has a collection of music pieces, which are available on demand within the game itself. Of those, there's a music piece which is a remix of Pollyanna, the Mother 1 theme, which is present throughout the series, in an nod to the previous games in the series. The hallway where this plays is full with mother references and it expects the player to sit down and watch passively all the references in order.

But this is meta, amazingly enough. The hallway is located in the final section of the game, before facing Porky, who is presented as the effigy of vicious capitalism in the game. As if he left them in his palace just as collectibles, things to be purchased or acquired.

The name of the song which plays during this sequence? "His Majesty's Memories". Subtle.

Nintendo is a company which tries to keep its image clean and sterile, so it can be used broadly for a variety of projects, usually with family friendly intent behind --and even more so in the US.

However, Nintendo has a history of risky bets with Mature content, which has become even more glaring lately: you got Eternal Darkness, Astral Chain, Bayonetta, No More Heroes, the disappointing Metroid Other M... this together with the fact that most of their target audience is of age now, could, at least remotely, mean that, perhaps, Mother 3 releasing in some manner in the future, localized in English, could happen: however, this is not happening at least the way I see it.

Once the game was released, there were several different campaigns online to try to gather Nintendo's attention: a 10k signature strong petition was completed among several other things, and if this hasn't lead to results... I don't know what will.

Part 5. "No Crying Until the End"

Mother 3 is a beautiful, engrossing and captivating game which is hidden away under a cutesy exterior. Its complex themes and characters are evoking of deep human truths which call out to us and ask us to reflect on things and the way we're living. Of strong pedigree in its series and with a superb musical production behind it and a mastermind of writing, MOTHER 3 excels at what it sets out to do.

When the game released, the game had a "Catch Copy" written for it by itoi himself, which called the game "Strange, Funny and Heartrending", and I think this is a beautiful way to bring everything full circle. Itoi wrote on the Advertisement that if you wanted to cry because of Mother 3, you should save it until the end. And those three words are a fantastic way to close off this review: if you want a game that will provide you with bizarre and laugh out loud moments one second and tear-jerkers the next, Mother 3 is the game for you.

And the game is just so poignant... to this date not only do I think it's one of the most expressive and well done pixel-art based game, I still find myself impresse at how much I can connect with the characters through small, cutesy sprites and pastel color pallettes, lack of Unreal engine and RTX graphics card be damned. Themes of grief, missing a loved one who's gone, the feeling of loss of identity due to accelerating social and economical change, how tyrannical political figures establish themselves and change communities, sexual and identity politics and how the modern world was to have shaky and voraginous sexual identities become commonplace... it's all there, and masterfully, tastefully expressed, without that icky feeling of "agenda"ism that you can get sometimes from Hollywood productions when they try to hamfist tropes and "messages" down people's throats. You know that feeling? I hate it when it happens in movies or shows I'm watching just to have a good time, and then I get some succint propaganda.

But MOTHER 3 is a kind beast, trying to reach to your heart and directly speak to the mind of the player. It tries to show us what it thinks of modernity and to make us seriously ponder what the frick is up with all of this shit, and thinking it has kept me for the last 14 years, and I anticipate another 20 ahead of me. And you can join me in reflecting about this...

Or maybe you can just go back to your happy box. Whichever way you choose.

[rwhague]

3 Things I Did Wrong To Publish

Hello There!

This is Part 1 of a series documenting my journey to publication (hopefully!).

I just completed my novel, Midas and the Golden child. It is a YA Thriller that follows the kidnapping of young and naive 15-year-old Katie Thompson, the daughter of an FBI agent. I have sent query letters out am now waiting for responses. In the meantime, I decided to start this blog following the process as well as discussing how this journey will effect my real life. I’m already quite the busy bee. I primarily stay home with my one-year-old, but work one day a week supervising nursing students in the hospital. Our home, however, is a mini-farm, so there is always work to be done between our ducks, chickens, and garden. 

This is not the first novel I have written, but I was young and naive like Katie when I wrote the first one. I did not know the difference between publishing and self-publishing, nor the first thing about marketing. This posting, I’m going to talk about what I learned from that experience, and all of the new information that I’ve managed to collect this time. I am sure that as time goes on, I will continue to learn more and more about the world of book publishing, and I hope to share that with you as well.

Wrong About Editing

I believed the publishing group I went with would help me edit the story once it was completed. All I needed to do was propose a good story. Wrong. Wrong! WRONG! That is not how that works. Before you find an agent or a publisher, you must have a polished story--or at least a story that is as polished as you can get it. Editing costs money to the publisher, and if your manuscript is going to cost them too much, they will not invest in you--especially if you are a first time author. The competition is thick, and if they can make more money off of someone else, they will. Even if your story might be better.  

If you spill your guts onto a page, it’s going to look exactly like that. Guts on a page. 1st drafts are messy, ragged, and often nonsensical. If you are not willing to go over and over your manuscript--your 600+ page manuscript, with a fine tooth comb writing is not for you. Also--if your manuscript is over 100k words (pages mean nothing), it is too long. WAY too long. Fantasy and Sci-Fi are exceptions, but most stories need to be around 70-90k words. Mine is 89k, and I worked my butt off getting it there. You must be willing to carve up your story and edit out as much as you can. If it does not contribute to the plot, it needs to go.

Editing is tedious. There was a grammar concept I was mistaken on. My critique partners showed it to me, but then I had to go back through my 89k words and correct every single time I did it wrong. It was not a mistake you could find through control+F either. I had to go line by line looking through every end quotation mark in my story to determine if I had formatted it correctly. Blah, that was a boring evening.

Wrong About Publishing/Marketing

I don’t know about you, but when I started out writing, I had in my mind that authors were these people gifted by God with a silver pen and words of angels. If you had the talent, you could put anything on paper and eventually, someone would notice your genius. What a bunch of bollocks. Like most anything, writing is a skill that takes years of practice to improve. A person might have a certain talent in one area or another, but if that talent is not watered and fertilized, it will choke out or remain stagnant. Most recommend writing at least once a day. I have not found this feasible with my current lifestyle, but I do try to write as much as possible. If I’m not putting pen to paper, then I’m at least thinking about my novel and the next thing that I want to write.

With this idea in mind, I picked a publisher that did not require an agent and sent them my manuscript. They accepted it. Easy-peasy, right?

Nothing in writing is easy. If it feels easy, you’ve probably done something wrong. I went with a group who, with my investment of $3,000 would publish me. They promised me they would help me with marketing and would share in the profits once we reached a certain sale total. Here’s the problem though--I already gave them money. If the book were successful, sure they would make more money, but I had decreased their incentive to help me out the gate. They set up an interview for me with a woman on an AM radio station who gave the wrong name on the interview. THE WRONG NAME. How can you sell books if the interviewer is putting the wrong name out? I complained, but it went nowhere. Their other ideas regarding marketing included setting up a Facebook page and Twitter account on my behalf--two things I could easily do myself (and that I had to pay extra for). There were no instructions or advice on how to use these accounts or how to market myself. Needless to say, the book did not have much success. Now it sits on my shelf reminding me of one of my worst financial decisions.

Wrong About Critiques

Critique groups and other readers are huge. Once you’ve stared at the same page for hours and hours, you will not be able to see the mistakes any longer. A fresh set of eyes is key--especially one that knows a bit about writing. I did not have anyone else read my story before attempting to have it published because I was embarrassed to tell people that I was a writer. Don’t be! Own it! It’s a cool world you live in and a neat skill. You’re going to have to sell your book, often that means selling yourself too.

I found a critique group that I like on Critique Circle. There are several other sites out there, but this is my home. You can sign up for a free account. The first two posts put you into the Newbie Queue which almost guarantees that you will receive a bunch of critiques. The benefits of critiques is not limited only to you receiving critiques, but as you critique others, you will begin to see the same mistakes in your own writing better and be able to fix them better. Being critiqued and critiquing has helped me become a stronger writer more than anything.

Another thing that Critique Circle offers in their forums is a critique of query letters. How helpful this section is will hopefully be determined soon!

I will keep you up to date as time goes on, and hopefully we shall see success right around the corner!

R. W. Hague

Writer of Midas and the Golden Child

[alexcaldownapier]

Week 15 (Final Post) - Film Narrative 2

I am very happy with not just the final film, but also the feedback received. 

I have here, links to all the pre-production documents created -

Director’s Statement: https://docs.google.com/document/d/19KVLVP1G5PCHiTcOcuI42VNU3CzjQ-Uh27faf96X02I/edit?usp=sharing

Cinematography Inspirations: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZAWA3FF3YeOQn3VqHEBN_6C3yC1WWfhOKDWFjL5WBCI/edit?usp=sharing

Sound Inspirations (By Ben): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1i1niHwm45eJ-LQtVOWEpiWR155wuORDjDG6cc0EBA-Y/edit?usp=sharing

Beat Sheet: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xVBByh6u8C-cQZO0nG65Zt3IF0KEeKnuQBg9kd1i3FQ/edit?usp=sharing

Shot List: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12Y1BPXi3voIXwtFhmsp5M-eM5n_J9Unp_4nNOjFuEZI/edit?usp=sharing

Sound Design Beats: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QAIHZPzOK-rHGhCxNoNqa2GJyWID6QGytfaAu-d4fJQ/edit?usp=sharing

Cinematography Guide (By Sam): https://docs.google.com/document/d/17wrpN92vydYefwTokgifcrhaxfGPjHqjLt9uKBhHFME/edit?usp=sharing

Roles

Producer/AD: James Fox

Cinematographer/Colourist: Samuel Tabotta

Camera Operator/Sound Recordist/Sound Designer: Ben Anstruther

Editor: Rowen Henderson

Director: Alex Caldow

Critical Reflection

While these documents and my previous blog posts detail a lot of the work done throughout the project, I will quickly recap before responding to the critiques. 

Pre-Production

We began with a group call, brainstorming. By the end of that call, we were leaning toward James’ idea - an intense, emotional scene with a comedic twist. We reconvened, I think, after a week for another brainstorm. Ben and Sam had been chatting and came to pitch a film about two mobsters carrying a body across a bridge. The idea had some logistical issues so we pivoted, keeping the noir aesthetics and tense sound design but changing to a chase scene through the alleyways of old-town Edinburgh. We wanted to create a surreal landscape, editing the different locations to give the sense of one long maze (a great idea from Ben). We all chipped in, bouncing ideas of each other, creating an in-depth idea of the film. 

Excited to get started, we all went off to create inspiration documents as we had already talked about possible inspirations during the call. Sam gathered images, Ben wrote about sound and I created a list of inspirations more based on tone and storytelling. This worked out well as, while we didn’t have concrete roles to begin with, these lined up well with our final roles. 

Next, Ben, James and I (who are living in Edinburgh) went on a location scout around the old town, mainly on the Royal Mile. Some issues came from this in terms of realising our idea. Firstly, the alleyways were a little samey, very straight and often too short to hide the busy streets outside. Also a problem were the lights. We had originally planned o use warm dirty natural streetlights to light our scenes. However, many alleyways had colder, almost green-ish, lights which would clash with the orange tones as well as creating a strange skin tone. 

We had a lengthy discussion after this recce about the practicalities of accomplishing our vision. To get over the hurdles, we decided to shoot in black and white as it added to our aesthetic and hid the clashing colours. Sam did a mock grade on some of the recce photos and we decided that they looked good.

I felt that the locations would cut together well so I created a flow chart matched to a beat sheet (that was developed from James’ original rough beat sheet) to communicate how it would all work. This lead to us taking on roles as Sam was very keen to take on the cinematography. Rowen, being away from Edinburgh, took on editing; Ben shared the cinematography, camera-operating on set. James and I weren’t too sure about roles, but Ben suggested, as I seemed to have the clearest idea of how the film would work, that I direct the film, leaving James as producer. 

To better communicate the flow of the film, James and I went out again to our locations, taking example shots for my shot list - this is one thing I regret, I made a shot list without properly talking to Sam which is a (forgive my language) dick move. I did ask if there were any other shots Sam would like, but I think it’s hard to come up with shots when not at the location. The shot list with the location photos better showed how the locations would edit together. 

We started casting, with Sam suggesting Theo who he had worked with before. I’d seen him in Sam’s tableau from last term where he put in a charming and believable performance. I knew he could play anxious and afraid and he had a strong look, with searching eyes. I think he was a good choice while also being very easy to get in touch with.

Production

The day of the shoot, things began to take a turn. First, the lenses were broken. The 17mm lens could not focus properly which limited one idea we had had - using increasingly longer lenses throughout the chase to minimise how much of the location was shown and emphasise the feeling of being trapped. Sam and Ben are not keen on shooting on the 12mm so we were down to just the 25mm and the 35mm. Then, the gimbal was acting up which took up a lot of time. This meant that the lighting had changed dramatically from our opening tripod shot as the sun had completely set by then and the lamppost had turned on. 

Working with Theo was interesting. I’m not the most experienced with working with actors, most of my previous films star family, friends or child actors. The action was quite simple and I think I was able to clearly communicate what I wanted. I am happy with the final performance but would also quite like a little more over-acting. 

Overall, I was very happy with the shoot, there isn’t much that I would go back and change - we got all the shots we wanted and got enough takes of each.

Post-Production

I am not a technologically capable person. This is a definite weakness for me. I left Sam, a very technologically capable person, to organise the workflow. My contributions past this point were all just notes. We went through three picture edits before locking and two sound edits. Rowen used some interesting techniques and the development was very cool to see. He went from more classic, continuity editing to a looser, more expressive rhythm that really brought the best out of the material. Ben’s sound edit developed, mainly through the time spent on it, becoming more layered and interesting. There’s still small sections where there are issues which were highlighted in the crit, which I agree with, but nothing major and overall, it is really great, adding a lot to the atmosphere and the story. 

Feedback

I agree with all the feedback given and it was just great to see how positive the response was from the class as well as the lecturers. All the issues raised I think would have been eliminated through time and more edits. Ben was a bit pushed for time and I think he could have easily polished the sound design with a little more time. 

My Role

I have many mixed feelings about myself as a director. In all honesty, I don’t like myself when I am a director - it brings out the worst in me. I have specific control issues I think. I want things exactly how they are in my head and am just a tiny bit massively irritating when trying to get to that point. This leads me to push over into others’ roles like the cinematography which I’ve already highlighted. Having read Sam’s blog, where he mentions feeling ignored and left behind, I am thinking a lot about my directing and my style. If I decide to do more directing in the future, I will keep this in mind and try to be more open in the creative process and let other ideas in, because everything that people contributed that were outside my original vision were just great and added so much to the film. I am much happier working towards another’s vision and this will only However, all the work I did myself, I was pretty happy with. I really enjoyed the pre-production work and crafting the story. The final film, as well, is something I am proud of and I think, while it is not entirely the type of film I’m most interested in making, it has allowed me to be creative and craft a good story. 

As a group, I think we worked well. We had our moments as I think Ben and Sam are much like me in terms of having very particular visions. But we talked through all the different issues (this was one aspect that was also impacted by mainly communicating through a group chat) and came to a conclusion each time. 

Changes

There isn’t too much I’d change about our film, aside from my directorial style. The film is not quite what the original idea could have been, however, it is what iworking within certain limitations. The main things I’d change would be more close-ups in the chase to tie us into the character’s fear, more expressive performance and more range in the sound design to guide the audience through the emotional beats.

Overall, I am really happy with this project, the process and the outcome. Lots to mull over and process going forward.

[trail-of-harts]

I think....maybe I need to tell a story I rarely have the stomach for.

—————

There was once a girl who was not a girl who had a father who loved her very very much.

The father was friends with a king and worked hard for him in his castle, every honour he earned he passed on to the not-girl, for he was content with how he was but wanted his child to have every opportunity.

The father was given a title to bestow and so hence the not-girl had a title.

The father had land to give and so now the not-girl owned land.

The father knew powerful people and so now the not-girl had powerful friends.

And so on this went until she lived exactly how she pleased...there was only one problem. The land the not-girl has been given was fruitful but vast, her claws could not stretch to encompass all of it and so she asked her father for help.

Now the father told her he couldn’t just split the precious gifts he’d given his daughter with just anyone of course, such a privilege could only go to his son, and the king and the daughter agreed, but the problem was he had never had a son.

This didn’t phase the not-girl though, as soon as she had heard the thought, she was set on the idea of a little brother.

With a flash of her pretty, not quite human eyes she gazed pleadingly at the king and begged for permission to go see if they could find someone worthy of their lineage and if they did, for him to make it true in the eyes of the court.

The king, wanting his land to be governed properly, saw great merit in this plan and allowed the pair time to go find someone worthy.

They met many men on the kings land, both high and low in class, but none quite fit the bill.

So, they traveled to many places both local and far, including the not-girls place of birth. There they met a warrior sailor, famed among the crews of the merchant ships for his prowess in hand to hand combat. They had seen many like him but this one spoke the not girls mother tongue, and in that she felt a kinship.

So in the night they confronted this warrior and asked him three questions.

“Are you content with the hand you have been dealt here?” The pair said in chorus, voices sweet and practiced like a blackbirds morning song.

“No” replied the warrior washing his cut knuckles in a stream of ice water.

“Do you have something that holds you in this life?” They droned and leaner in closer

“Yes” replied the warrior, wiping the water off on his tattered trousers “my family and the cast I was born into”

“Would anyone of consequence look hard for you if you were to vanish?” Their voices were still sweet as the dew on heather but the warrior was no fool. He was a man of the sea, he knew a siren song when it kissed his ears.

“Yes” he replied, standing up from the river’s edge, but alas, just as he knew the sea the pair knew a lie when they heard one.

With a flash the predators descended on prey, and the warrior was brought back to the land of the king. In this new world he was a stranger, he knew nothing or no one, not even himself.

For one turn of the moon they left him completely alone and let him take in the lay of the land, watching from the shadows, assessing whether the choice they had made was adequate.

Finally, when the moon waned to Half its size, just like it had been at the time of his first meeting with the two, they emerged from the trees to greet him again.

“You have proven yourself! As I knew you could my dearest brother!” Cried the not-girl.

“Now is time to introduce you to your king” added the father, his enthusiasm a shadow of what eminented from his daughter.

And so the king approved of their choice and the warrior, now the son, desperate for help in this strange new land accepted his fate and new family.

While the father was busy for the king the not-girl taught him the ways of the land; how to hunt the deer that ran the streams, to speak the tongues of the people there, and how to fight in this new world they had thrust upon him.

Over time they grew close. The not-girl protected her brother like a wild thing always protects its kin, and the son was eager to repay her by running the land she had split with him as best he could.

However the not-girl didn’t like to share.

The great schism between them started as simple arguments over who owned or was responsible for what.

Was that tree on her border or his? That field? That glen?

The not-girl missed the power she had, though it had overwhelmed her, and struggled to remove her claws from her old land fully. The son did the best he could but if it was not her way she was never happy.

It was not just land however as the son's sister was possessive by nature. He would compliment the Beauty of a flower instead of her and the next night find the whole patch picked. He would pet a mouser cat of a local farm and the next day find its bones. Every love he had that was not for his sister was cut up and shred in her jealous maw. Still he did love her and could never find it in him to complain.

Then, he did the unthinkable and took interest in a person down in the town. Like the not-girl, he enjoyed the idea of adding more kin to their family. A little brother? As son of his own? he had little care, but he knew he had found someone worthy.

Once they had locked eyes he spent all of his free time on the beach testing and teaching and even sparing a little like the warrior he used to be with his new student. He was happy and enamoured and sure the king would see the potential in the treasure he had found too.

The not-girl however did not like it one bit, and so she did what she always did.

One night the son went down to the beach as he always did and found his protégée where they always were…..except tonight they lay face down, gurgling from their cut throat as their life blood sunk into the sand, and the tooth marks of his sister in their skin.

The not-girl had wanted to make him upset of course, but she had not realised how little control she really had ever had over her little brother.

The son, remembering the warrior he was, confronted her, high on the moors that night in the old ruin where she lived, his clothing stained red from where he had held the body as they died.

The not-girl met him square on, sure she was more loved by him than anything left in this world. She opened her arms to the younger boy, to comfort and console, confident that his affection for her would quench his grief.

And she was right, he loved her more than the starts in the sky, but being right did not stop him tearing her throat out with his bare teeth in a rush of blood breaking sinew and her ashes floated into the air like smoke on the wind.

————-

I hate the structure of this one but I don’t tell it often...it’s...likely to get my teeth kicked in in certain circles so I haven’t had the chance for unbiased critique and polishing.....

[four-loose-screws]

What would you rank all the fire emblem games that you have played.

Thank you for waiting, anon! This essay is finally finished! XD I don’t know if either of us ever intended for this to end up so long, but it did.

It’s interesting to see how each person experiences each game, so I hope everyone enjoys reading this. If anyone wants to ask questions for more details or just for conversation, please do!

I did a tier grouping ranking as well as ordering from bottom -> top, because that helped explain my feelings a little better. This isn’t really reflecting my nostalgia or personal feelings for the characters/world quite as much as “how much fun I had in my initial playthrough(s).” Because I think that’s what these sorts of lists are generally asking for.

First, I’d like to make a general statement about why I love FE games so much: Well, most simply it’s because I have more fun playing FE than any other series. That much is obvious though, right? I also love them because they all stand out in their own way, with their own unique combination of features, and because they are all super ambitious titles. It may lead to some rushing and half-baked ideas, but ambition is what excites me the most in any series. Even if the creators are not able to fully realize the ideas they had, the hard work still wows me as I play, and I can see hints of the full vision they had in every nook and cranny. Even the lowest games on this list are pretty high up there for me in fun level. The “fun but flawed” games just had glaring issues that interrupted the fun from time to time.

...FEs 1 & 3 are overall exceptions to the “unique and standing out rule,” being early games in the series; and FE6 set up post-Famicom FE, so it’s pretty basic, too - but they still get their own awards for setting a solid foundation for a fun video game series that withstands the test of time.

I can’t fully explain it, why I attached to FE the most over all other game series out there. But when I play FE, I usually don’t think about what’s not so great about the games. I just have fun. The gameplay always has me thinking, and I get engrossed in the stories and unlocking convos and supports.

Basic Tier

These games are really hard to judge properly in the ranking system, because they are just so basic for the series.

FE1 / FE11

When FE11 came out, I remember it getting so much flack for being really, really boring. But I didn’t get that. I like FE gameplay and storytelling at its core, so I don’t need the bells and whistles to have a good time. I knew this is where the series started, and was surprised with what content there was considering this is a remake of a game on the Famicom (NES).

FE1 set a very solid foundation for what the core of the series would be. Load it up next to a modern game, and it feels so the same and different all at once. I’ve only played a little bit of FE1 itself. I just can’t get through it because FE11 is SO similar to FE1, so you really only have to play one to get the whole experience. I didn’t feel like playing the same game over again at the time, so FE1 is still on my unfinished list.

Basic, solid foundation for the ages / 10

FE3 / FE12

After FE11 played it “safe” and took an “upgraded graphics with a few new ideas tacked on” approach, I was blown away by how much FE12 did, even if it was more for worse than better sometimes. It added so many conversations, was the first to tinker with the idea of a more fleshed out Avatar, added more story… and so on.

From what I’ve read recently, the new story stuff isn’t that great, but I don’t remember now. I’ve only played this game once. Overall, despite some clunk with the giant maps and so on, this game really challenged itself to improve from FE11, and it’s how I learned to love remakes that aren’t afraid to deviate from and add a lot to the original!

Set the stage for what kind of fun and ambition an FE remake could have / 10

FE3 is way more of a classic than any of us in the West can truly understand. It sold insanely well (the best in the series until Awakening I believe?), challenged the programmers to put FE1 on the cart as well, long before re-releases were a thing in the industry, and the game even made it to the Super Famicom Mini! I haven’t played it yet because again, it’s hard to get the motivation to play through the slow speed and clunkiness when I’ve already experienced the remake, but I’m looking forward to it some day.

The good ol’ days of the Super Famicom & SNES / 10

FE6

This was the first game without Kaga (the series original creator), so it set the stage for a future without him. The series might have strayed far from his plans for story and such, but this game, while it was pretty basic, firmly established a new foundation for the series on a new system, and gave a glimpse of what greatness the future had in store.

Overall though, this game is harder to commit to memory than others, except for classic characteristics like how terrible Roy is until, finally, BAM he gets his sword in the final stretches of the game; and running in circles from Douglas so you can avoid fighting him and successfully recruit him after the chapter.

Awkward, but sets a solid foundation for post-Kaga and post-Famicom FE / 10

Fun But Flaws Distracted From The Fun A Lot Tier

FE16

I really, really hate to say it, because this game tries to mix up the FE formula with the school setting and other new features and changes, and brought in a good mix of old and new, just like all the other FE games. But this game left very little impact on me for such a big experience. And I’m leaving out the fact that trying to play all four routes is dull as heck when I place the game this low. I’m basing it off of just how much I enjoyed the first playthrough.

Overall, I was most turned off by the class system. Which is funny, because I’ve seen others praise this as FE’s best class system. Everyone’s different. Classic classes like troubadours are just gone. The top tier classes are super limiting. Of course, you can just stop one tier down, but that’s not emotionally satisfying to me - I want my characters to reach the top! Despite having such free choice, I feel more limited than anything. If they’d just stopped at 4 tiers and not tried to go to 5, I think that would have been best. They had to stretch out the available classes too much to get to 5. ...Although being able to have an army of dragon riders is awesome, I’ll give it that. Dragons are too cool. 

I was also really disappointed by the story. Fire Emblem has established that it can write a really emotional plot, and not be afraid to pull punches, with games like 4 and 8. I was expecting a huge contrast between part 1, where everyone is friends and classmates, and part 2, where war rips them apart, transforms them into different people, and forces them to brutally slaughter each other.

But in reality…the hate between Dimitri and Edelgard has nothing to do with the school at all… That was jarring to me. Of course there is no one right direction to take a story in. But the worldbuilding and story writing… feels even less coherent than Fates. That’s an accomplishment.

This is the one time I say ambition was really just too much. The game didn’t get enough polish. A game about the seasons doesn’t even have seasonal differences...

While my friends who don’t usually play Fire Emblem have had a fantastic experience with this one, after all I’ve been through, I found that I liked other FE’s more.

I think the best part about this game is the characters and supports. After Fates had a ton of supports in it just because it had to have them, the creators of this game weren’t afraid to change up the support formula once more, so they could balance quality and quantity. ...And then, ironically, this game went for the (almost entirely) mute, personality-less avatar character. Funny how that works out. XD

Dragon Lord Army Go! / 10

FE14

I feel this game deserves way more credit than it gets, while also agreeing with the critiques. The ambition was as great as ever. But then it got stuck in development hell and we got what we got. (For those who don’t know, the team was divided in two - the team that wanted a more fanservic-y experience, and the one that wanted to make a standard FE.)

I think the gameplay is the best part of this game, Conquest is great, and the gimmicks are indeed gimmicks, but still fun. In offering three different experiences, the entire package will please few, but that was the point of the multiple routes, to give everyone one route they would like, not to please everyone with all three.

But beyond the gameplay, the story is all over the place, the multiple routes just create more questions than answers; and features like an increased number of support convos and children feel like they are there only because of a desire to bring back “popular” features. After multiple food/cooking supports in a row, I couldn’t take it any more. There was so little that the characters were actually talking about in their supports vs. Awakening. I generally feel that more supports = better, because character interaction through supports is of course a highlight of post-Famicom FE, but in this case, the numbers did not do any favors.

Bringing back weapons that don’t break didn’t feel well done, either. I just ended up using basic weapons the whole time because I didn’t want to deal with the drawbacks of the higher level weapons.

Back to a positive for me: The hub world was neat, though it needed some convoluted story writing to be included. I was amused by going through the different features and collecting the items. I agree with Nintendo of America taking out the “petting minigame,” but since I lived in Japan when Fates released, it was amusing to do on the train and weird out the bored Japanese people who peered over my shoulder.

Since all three routes were different, this game was fun enough until the end in comparison to Three Houses, of which I am STILL trying to slog through the last route one year after release. But Fates was made for every route to be different, whereas Three Houses was not, so it’s not surprising I feel like that.

But time for the real talk about this game… why is everyone’s HP so low??? What happened?????

Up and down and all around in quality from start to finish / 10

FE15

I really want to like this game more. Oh, do I. It’s absolutely GORGEOUS, the character art makes my heart skip a beat, the game proved that full voice acting does fit FE really well, it fleshed out things like the dungeon crawling & story, and added support conversations & skills, etc. while still staying kind of basic, retaining the feeling that the original was on the NES. The momentum for the fun and ambition that an FE remake could have transitioned well from FE12 to here and led to this being a stunningly presented game.

But the creators totally missed the point on what were the defining features of the game in my opinion, and that mismatch of vision ruined a lot for me. I loved the imbalance, struggling as I placed my units in corners of maps just to survive, until I obtained all those OP items, and my super soldiers marched into battle and did wild and amazing things. Valbar with +5 move and 40 speed with the Speed Ring is the one thing I remember the best of FE2 and oh man was it fun, and did I love it.

And I mean, I understand why the creators weren’t going to keep that imbalance, it doesn’t make the game good for everyone. It’s just something I found fun, and made the game stand out among the other FEs. But the developers really just replaced old imbalance with new imbalance, the dread fighters being the one thing I remember in particular.

And they defined FE2’s best defining features as “the maps and the terrain effects” and I just did not agree. That was the stuff I DISLIKED about FE2! And that’s what they wanted to keep most? The terrain that made battles one giant miss, and the gigantic maps where I’d spend half the time just getting to the enemies? No thanks.

Then the story only cranked up the horrible treatment of the women, with Faye… being Faye, and I hated the direction they went in with Celica’s story...  Ugh.

For every step or two forward, there’s one back / 10

FE10

FE games are always ambitious, but this one cranked the dial up to 10 and tripped over itself a lot. Still, it provided (even if it is info dumped) an intense and satisfying ending to the Tellius saga, and is another classic for the ages. I found the pacing boring and slow until then, though.

I think now that I’m older I can appreciate the story much, much more - and how it shows the story and aftermath of the Mad King’s War from multiple points of view -  but the lack of the support conversations, and too much going on for any aspect of this game to be properly refined, still make this one lower on my list.

If only I could have played it more than once, to really get a good memory of the events of the game. My Wii actually scratched up my disk (How this happened, I don’t know, and it’s the ONLY disk my Wii ever slaughtered). It only held out long enough for my sibling and I to enjoy one playthrough each. I’ll get to playing my Japanese copy eventually!

Part 4 = Laguz Royals Emblem / 10

Somewhere Inbetween Tier

FE5

The last of the Kaga games. Still clunky and difficult, but with it’s own super unique features in capturing, stamina, and stealing weapons.

The brokenness of staves is not at all a flaw, but a feature in my opinion. Encouraging bizarre thinking and finding new ways to plow through maps is fun. I would probably be critical if this was a modern game, but I think older games need these quirks to stand out among modern titles with better graphics and decades of gaming history behind them.

And you still can complete the maps in a more traditional manner if you are determined. I did even for Reinhardt’s map.

Also, I gotta say... I don’t agree that this is the most difficult FE overall… it just has the hardest individual maps. The difficulty spikes are all over the place. The game goes from bashing your head against a wall to snoozefest constantly.

Fog of war was a mistake though, if I was a time traveler, I’d go back and make sure the programmers never figured out how to include it. XD

Steal ALL the tomes! / 10

FE13

Experiencing this game and its release in real time was an experience. The fandom really, truly thought this game might not only be the last FE ever, but also that it might not get a localization. Thinking there would never be a localization, I spent a night of my first trip to Japan buying a Japanese 3DS and a copy of the game. I only had 2 weeks on that study tour, but I was so determined that I used some of my precious free time to go shopping for it. To afford it, I even used the money my college gave to me for food, then subsided off of cheap convenience store meals with what little I had left. I barely had any true understanding of Japanese at the time, but I wanted other fans to experience this game, so I worked as hard as I could to translate as many supports as I could. This game is why I got into translation, and was what I really thought might be the end, so it will always have a special place in my heart for that.

Now to actually talk about playing the game itself. I really enjoyed it the first couple of times. Who cares that pair-up and the kids were OP, you either blast through the game with them and have a good laugh, or ignore them, set some challenging rules, and enjoy having at least a little challenge. I didn’t care much that the supports were a little lower quality because of the sheer number of them, I eagerly awaited unlocking each one, and reading what the two characters would talk about. (We fans have fanfiction to turn to if we hunger for more development. :p) The bonus content was plentiful, and a great fanservice-y way to bring the series to a close.

After all is said and done though, the game left me feeling empty when I thought about replaying it any further. The maps and story felt empty in comparison to previous games. Now that it’s been 8 years since the initial release, I’d of course enjoy a replay or two, but after having played FEs7-9 5 or 6 times in a row before moving on to the next game… anything less than that level of excitement was surprising for me. I placed this game kinda high on the list because it’s fun when you play it. It’s just doesn’t have as much replay value, I feel.

Also, as a group, the children characters are my favorite in the series. They all come from deeply traumatic backgrounds, and the way they work through that trauma and navigate being given a second chance, but also not a true second chance because this timeline is different from their own, is endlessly fascinating for me. I don’t know if other fans give them enough credit, so I wanted to point them out in particular.

Would have been a fantastic way to send off the series, despite the flaws / 10

FE2

This game is flawed, imbalanced, makes me want to throw things, and it’s all, somehow, in a way that makes me LOVE IT. ...So long as I’m playing using an emulator with a speed up button.

This game is so hard, and the hit percentages are such garbage. But as I played, and unlocked more and more OP weapons and items, until I reached a point where the zombie dragons - what once took all my efforts - were an enemy that can easily be slaughtered in 1-on-1 combat... I felt so satisfied.

Old games need some kind of charm to make them still worth revisiting in a world of much better graphics and features that have now had decades to be refined. For me, this game has that perfect kind of quirky charm in spades.

The maps and terrain though… I have no words, just bash your head into the wall and you will understand how I feel.

Also, this game reminds me of Zelda 2 in it being a black sheep of its respective series… that’s a fun little nugget of info.

Duma’s sprite / 10

FE7

I don’t remember this game as well, despite it being one that I’ve played about 5 times? I don’t know why, it’s yet another fantastic Fire Emblem with its own ways that it stands out, managing not one, not two, but three lords, introducing the tactician, and so on. Guess time has just not been kind to my memory on this one.

I remember being really impressed with the length of this game back in the day, and Hector’s mode offering enough differences to make it totally fun to replay the main game again.

Lyn gets kind of pushed to the side (because that’s what generally happens to women main characters in Fire Emblem, if there’s a male lord around), but having the three lords was really fun. With three people, you get a great balance between all of their personalities, and they all play off of each other well.

Of course I loved Lyn and Hector, most everyone does, but I was always just as much of an Eliwood fan. His average stats pushed people away from liking him as much as the others, but I always looked up to his kindness. Eliwood / Ninian was an especially favorite pairing for my sappy teenage heart. Eliwood was just so romantic and sweet to me.

And though the game was made easier with international audiences in mind, the developers hadn’t invented all of the “easier/for convenience” features yet, so this is the last time we got to enjoy some “harder” features like needing to buy weapons during battles, and a convoy separate from the main lord. That’s cool if you like that stuff.

Unlocking the paralogues is hard though / 10

Favorites Tier

FE8

When it comes to FE8, while there’s plenty to like about the gameplay (despite the game being so easy, but again, like I said with Awakening, you can just set your own challenge rules), what I really love to ramble on about is the story and its emotional impact. Lyon is so precious and kind, but has so many inner conflicts stewing deep inside of him, leading him to elder magics, and… The Demon King is just ends up as a sideshow compared to Lyon coming face to face with his own demons. Both the characters - and many players, I’m sure - hope and hope to find a way to save him, but there just isn’t one. There are never any real leads. There’s nothing. Only the harrowing reality that some people cannot be saved, no, that some people do not want to be saved. The inevitability of Lyon’s demise, and seeing it all play out, packs a punch most plots can only dream of.

But it’s not like I won’t talk about the gameplay features either. Bringing back much of the best of FE2, the overworld map and everything to do really enhances the experience. I mean, yeah, I guess two side dungeons isn’t that much to get excited over, I can see that critique… but I didn’t care, it allowed me to easily chase support conversations, and (with some RNG abusing to obtain enough Boots and money to buy the stat-boosting items, but hey, whatever it takes) I could max out my characters’ stats and truly “complete” a Fire Emblem game.

Sacred Stones is so awesome.

Finally! A postgame! I sure hope the developers keep this up in all the future games… oh. / 10

FE9

This is the first FE game I ever played, so it will always occupy the most dear and special place in my heart, even if FE4 eventually won over as my favorite.

Do you believe in first sight? I do, and this is what taught me it’s real. From the first second of the first cutscene, I was enthralled. ...And that’s saying something, when the FE9 cutscenes are the kind of thing only a mother could love. But I just knew. I may have been a wee lass of 14, but I knew a love that would last a lifetime was being born. ...Or that would at least last 14 more years. I can’t predict the future. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and hate Fire Emblem with a burning passion? 2020 has taught me that tomorrow is always a big fat question mark.

Fun fact: in case you are wondering exactly what inspired my very initial interest in this series, it was a TV commercial. Probably this one. I just remember Ike running, of all things. My sibling and I both thought FE9 looked interesting from this commercial, and sought out the game all on our own with zero private knowledge that anything FE even existed.

This is where obsessions are born. Or mine at least. / 10 

FE4

As I’ve established, this is my favorite of favorites. The bizarre way money, arenas, items, and more were handled, actually made the game more and more fun for me. Big maps are just so fun. Gen 1’s story is a tale for the ages, and Gen 2’s story is… well, classic FE, which never gets old for me. It will never cease to amaze me even today what the SNES/S Famicom could handle.

All I’d want added is a “warp between conquered castles” feature. I’m completely neutral on a remake otherwise. Of course a lot more could be added and detailed upon that I’d be happy for, but that’s my one specific wish.

Calvary Emblem Forever / 10

Bonus:

FEH

I played this game every day for around 2 ½ years before I finally felt I had to break the habit, so I’m not leaving it out! This title got a lot of flack for simplifying FE gameplay, but… looking at it that way completely disregards the niche app games fill, and the interesting ways developers view what type of games app games should be, and how the developers work hard to both innovate for the format yet stay faithful to the source. It is surprisingly deep, and the maps + higher focus on unit skills make you think entirely differently about how to win in what is, in essence, the same gameplay as the main series.

Plus, what fan couldn’t get suckered into the fanservice of it? My best moments include attaining a +10 Nephenee while only spending money to get 2 of her, the other 9 were all F2P orbs; and becoming a Narcian/Valter shipper after supporting them on impulse because they were both on my flier team, and realizing the sick, twisted chemistry afterwards. Discovering rare-pairs is fun.

Also, finally, this game dared to nerf magic users a bit by making them RNG 2 only. If only the main series could do something like that.

I really enjoyed Heroes a lot, I just quit solely because it was a time drain. It was time to move on and play other things. And I’m glad I got out when I did. Seeing the game stoop to over-the-top powercreep (above and beyond what it was always implementing) and add the monthly service to keep the $$$$$ raking in was hard to watch.

Perfect app-style game gameplay-wise and fanservice-wise, but why aren’t gacha illegal yet / 10

FE Warriors

Oh yeah, this game exists too! It’s a Warriors game. If you like the formula and it never gets old for you, you’ll have fun with this game. If you don’t mind the limited game representation too much, you’ll have fun with this game. For me, the answers to those questions were a yes, so I enjoyed FE Warriors. Yay for wailing on hordes of enemies / 10

[totallypathet]

Okay so I have watched the 2 premiers twice now, and I have FEELINGS about the season 12 cast!

Before we get into it, let's address Sh***y P** real quick: we do not stand for abusers in this house, I hope she never works again and that she ends up in jail.

Now that's out of the way, in alphabetical order:

1. Aiden Zhane

I see potential! I loved her spring look, and her Fosse performance was on point. Her makeup could use a little finessing, but I definitely see where she's coming from. Having said all that, she's already got herself involved in a world of drama. Her comments about the Atalnta drag scene I found really odd, because it's just not true? Weird. Her comments about trans people and specifically trans women doing drag... hmm. On one hand, I appreciate that she apologised, and it seemed fairly genuine - as did her message about all forms of drag being valid. On the other hand, there was a defensive tone, and there seemed like a lot of "I've learned, I've grown, that was a long time ago" and I kind if feel like... 2018 wasn't that long ago girl. You were already 26/27, it's not like you were a teenager making stupid comments. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but also I'm not a trans woman and I dont do drag, so my opinion doesn't mean much!

2. Brita

Whenever I hear her name I feel thirsty 😂😂 I'm kind of underwhelmed so far, her entrance look was okay, both her mini challenge looks were alright, and her rap challenge look was a bit meh. The look she wanted to wear for the challenge (posted on her insta) was stunning though. I hated hated hated hated her runway look! It looked like a disco ball version of Alexis Michelle's rainbow look from season 9. I dont have all that much else to say about her, I didn't love any of her looks, I wasnt blown away by her performance, let's see what she does next week!

3. Crystal Methyd

I. Love. Crystal. Methyd. That fall look ended me. It was so perfect, she was giving me fashion, she was giving me camp, she was giving me references, she was giving me attention to detail, she was giving me LIFE. Every look she served was incredible. I knew exactly who she was when she walked in the work room, she elevated herself in the mini challenge, she showed up for the performance in the rap (and by the way her Nicki Minaj look was perfection), and her runway look was so well executed. I adore her. Top 4 pick.

4. Dahlia Sin

I still cannot get over how much she looks like Aja! I had really high Hope's for her because she's from the Haus of Aja, but she just didn't quite measure up, which is a real shame. Her entrance look was gorgeous, her mini challenge looks were okay, her runway look was alright. Her Fosse performance was okay, I think her voice is pretty, I liked her lyrics and she can clearly dance; she just wasn't giving me the ~performance~ aspect, which is a shame. I'm hoping she gets out of her head a bit and loosens up, I think she'll do much better! She's middle of the pack for me at the moment, but if she can trust herself a bit more I think she'll be unstoppable.

5. Gigi Goode

Good morning Miss Goode! I'm blown away by Miss Gigi. I cannot wait to see what she pulls out next week! She's fashion, she's elegance, she's beautiful, she's a performer, she's personality, she's funny, she's clever, is there anything she can't do?! Her entrance look had me screaming, her mini challenge looks had me in the floor, her runway look had me gagging. The only problem for me was the rap challenge look, it was pretty horrific. I'm counting it as a blip, and her verse more than made up for it! Top 4 pick right there.

6. Heidi N Closet

Okay, I'm not in love with Heidi's name choice, but can Ru and Michelle really say that it's the worst name in drag race history?! I mean girl, Kalorie Karbdashian Williams? Really? I like Heidi so much, though. I wasn't the biggest fan of her looks, particularly the mini challenge spring look, but girl the headpiece fell off and just kept on going! I respect the fuck out of that, that's a professional right there. And anyone that is in hospital during the night and turns around the next day and delivers a performance like that?? What a trooper! I fully respect her. I just wish her hair and makeup was a little bit more polished. She could definitely be the dark horse here, anyone who discounts Heidi N Closet is making a huuuuge mistake.

7. Jackie Cox

Yaaaaaas Jackie Cox!!!! I was nervous when she walked in in that red skirt, but as soon as she pulled out her mini challenge looks I was SOLD. She has a really distinct point of view, she clearly builds characters for each look and sells you that fantasy with every walk, and that's talent. She's also hilarious and adorable as shit. Her performance was incredible as well! I. Love. Jackie. Cox. Top 4.

8. Jaida Essence Hall

So many queens come into this competition with room to grow, and things to learn (which is not at all a bad thing), but my girl Jaida is THERE. My queen is polished, she is elegant and elevated, but she also knows how to have fun! I feel like she is going to go from strength to strength in this competition. Her entrance look was gorgeous (and she made it!), her mini challenge looks were really well thought out and well executed, her performance in the Fosse number was amazing, and her runway look was so stunning. This is someone who knows exactly who she is, she knows her strengths, she knows how to play to them, and she knows exactly what she's doing. She's Top 4 right there.

9. Jan

Just Jan! I'm speechless. I adore her. She's perfection. This week was the perfect set of challenges for Jan, and she sooo should have been in the top 2! Her voice is amazing, her lyrics were perfect, and cam we talk about her tulle look?! It was so so so smart, and so well done! I would have been impressed just with the idea of the tool/tulle look, but to also have it executed so perfectly?! Gagged. Also she is just to most adorable little ray of sunshine!! She's so happy to be there and her energy is so infectious! Every time she was on screen she made me smile. So excited to see what she pulls out next week. Top. Fucking. 4.

10. Nicky Doll

La diva Francaise! Every single look she pulled should be on a Vogue cover. ESPECIALLY that fall mini challenge look I was screaming. I was so worried that her verse and performance wasn't going to be up to scratch because she might just be a "look queen" but she proved me so wrong and I was soooo happy! She's a performer, she's a fashion queen, she's a dancer, and I was so proud of her! Is she Top 4 material? Yes she is! Don't discount Miss Nicky as a look queen because she's got hidden depths.

11. Rock M Sakura

Rock M Sakura? Rock my world! She gave me everything I didnt know I needed!! She's a little fireball, she's got so much talent, and ambition, and passion and I cannot get enough. Her mini challenge looks were perfectly executed, fully realised, and fully Rock M. I feel like I know her already, and I love her so much. I'm so glad she told her story, and I hope she knows how important her story and her voice is. Her Fosse performance was really good, but i wish she hadn't put on the character - it's Rock M we love and Rock M we want! Her tulle look fully made up for it though, I loved it! I think if you're going to do tulle then fucking do tulle. And she gave me that. She's fully Top 4.

12. Widow Von Du

The Widow Von Du, where to even begin? Here entrance look was a 10. Her mini challenge looks were a 10. Her rap challenge look was a 10. Her runway look was a motherfucking 11. Her rap performance was the. Best. Performance. Of both premiers. Her lyrics were incredible, and she is so clearly a performer! I am so so impressed by Widow and I absolutely cannot wait to see what she does next! She's a superstar. Even if she doesn't win (which something really left field is going to have to happen for her not to be at least top 4), she's going to be one for the fucking history books. I think you already know I think she's Top 4.

To sum up, this is the most exciting cast (for me) yet! I can't imagine any of them going home, I think they're all amazing!!

As a side note as well, can we talk about Nicki Minaj? Shes the best guest judge that has ever been on that panel. Her critiques were thoughtful, detailed, personalised, and constructive. She really listened to their lyrics, she had something good to say about everyone and she was so sweet watching them perform! I love her.

[lesgetittkookie]

wonderwall - jeon jeongukk (I)

this photo does not belong to me. credits go to whoever created this edit. 

⤖ genre: fluff, smut, angst

⤖ pairing:  tattooartist!jeongukk x reader

⤖ warnings: unprotective sex, oral sex (male & female receiving), fingering, dry humping

⤖ summary: a story in which you meet a boy who turns your boring world upside down

⤖ word count: 9.4 k

⤖ author’s note: this will be a small series with parts that i plan on updating for the next few weeks. would love for you to support me with some feedback bc im curious about what you guys think. thanks. 

update: any words that are underlined within the text will lead you to a visual. in this part, it would be the outfit in case you want to see how it looks!

Wonderwall 

won • der  • wall, adjective 

Someone you find yourself thinking about all the time; a person you are completely infatuated with. 

++

There was a harsh ray of sunlight hitting Jeongukk’s face that causes him to blink his eyes open from his deep sleep. He lets out a low groan as his face scrunches up in annoyance due to waking up so early with a pounding headache.

He leans up on his elbows, rubbing the corner of his eyes tiredly with one hand as he adjusts to his surroundings. He looks around the unfamiliar setting, wondering where he was but that cluelessness quickly dissipates when he notices a girl lying next to him in bed with the lack of clothing.

He hisses, cautiously and slowly getting up the bed without making any noise. He looks around for his pants and briefs, noticing that a sock is missing from his foot as well. He finds his briefs hanging from the doorknob somehow while his jeans were in the corner of the room.

He quietly pulls them both on, wincing when the floor creaks beneath him and the girl stirs in her sleep. He panics when he doesn’t find his shirt anywhere, looking around the room in a silent frantic. 

He gives up on finding the shirt, saying fuck it because he has nothing to lose. At least he found his pants because walking out in public with his dick hanging out is worse than no shirt.

Making sure he’s got everything else, he leaves the apartment in a haste without looking behind. As he walks out of the building, there are people around that give him odd looks most likely due to the lack of his shirt. The ink engraved onto his skin that almost covers up his entire upper body are on full display. However, Jeongukk does not feel embarrassed at all.

The boy takes pride in the tattoos on his body, loving the way it looks on his tan skin. He looks down at his watch, seeing that he’s probably going to be late for work and Yoongi is going to kick his ass because this is like the fifth time in a month.

It takes a moment to realize where he is before he scans the street signs and walks towards the one that leads him to the tattoo parlor he works at. He decides to skip on stopping by his flat since he’s already running late. He probably has a spare t-shirt at his little workstation.

He’s out of breathe once he reaches the parlor, sweat running down his muscular tatted back but he couldn’t care less. He’s two minutes late which is better than being twenty minutes late if he had decided to stop by his place earlier.

He sees an old lady walk by him with a white poodle on a leash and bows at her out of politeness while she gives him a disgusted look due to his lack of shirt and inked skin. He brushes it off, pulling the glass door open.  

“Well look who finally shows up,” Jeongukk’s co-worker slash best friend greets him at the front desk as he holds a pen in his hand. There’s an amused smirk on his face as his large eyes scan over Jeongukk’s appearance.

“Not in the mood, Tae,” Jeongukk grunts, going into the back room to find a spare t-shirt lying around.

“I could tell. Your shirt is missing and do you know you were walking around in public with hickies all over your neck?” He points out, zoning in onto the marks.

Jeongukk’s eyes go wide and he quickly looks into the mirror on the wall, fingers running over the bruises. He lets out a groan, unable to remember if he warned the girl about leaving marks. 

“She really did a number on you huh? It looks like a leech attacked you,” Taehyung says as he observes his neck beside him. He reaches up to touch the marks but Jeongukk quickly smacks his hand away.

Taehyung winces, let out a small ow! and he rubs his hand. “That wasn’t necessary.”

Before Jeongukk could speak, another deep voice interrupts the two that causes Jeongukk to freeze in place.

“I see you’ve had a busy night Jeongukk,” His boss, Yoongi says with a judgmental tone.  

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Jeongukk apologizes, avoiding his narrowed eyes.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, “Whatever, Jeongukk. Your client is gonna be here in five so wash up and put on a shirt.” He doesn’t say anything else, turning around and going back into his small office.

Taehyung lightly smacks Jeongukk’s back, causing the younger to wince in pain.

“Also remember that we’re leaving early tonight for that job.” Taehyung reminds him as he goes to his station.  

Jeongukk furrows his eyebrows, confused as to what Taehyung is talking about. He pulls the black shirt on and runs his hands through his messy black hair.

“What job?” He asks him.

Taehyung lets out an exasperated sigh, “I told you it’s the one where we both have to be servers at this huge party. The man who owns Sapphire resorts is having it for his daughter who just came back from studying abroad in London. She’s suppose to take over the company soon so it’s like some celebration.”

Jeongukk only recalls some of what Taehyung had said the previous time he brought it up. It completely slipped his mind that it would be so soon and now he’s dreading it with his hangover.

“Do I have to go?” Jeongukk asks as he looks at the time on the clock.

“Of course you do. We’re getting paid a shit ton of money. Plus, we’ll get free booze and left overs. I heard the food is being cooked by the chefs of Jungsik Seoul. We can’t even afford an appetizer there with both of our checks combined!” Taehyung’s voice is filled with excitement as he explains to Jeongukk.

Jeongukk doesn’t think he could go near alcohol anytime soon after last night but free quaity food does sound quite tempting. He could also pay ahead for rent and have some extra money that he could send to his mother and little brother. He purses his lips in contemplation before letting out a defeated sigh, “Fine.”

Taehyung who was anticipating his answer now pumps his fist with a  loud, “Yesssss.”

“Remember to wear a black button down and some slacks,” Taehyung informs him as they both glance at the shop’s door that opens with their clients.

“Whatever,” Jeongukk grumbles before leading his client to the back.

++

“I don’t understand why he’s throwing me this party when it’s clearly about him showing off his wealth,” You complain to Jimin as you watch the nail technician apply a glittery nail polish to your freshly manicured nails.

“Maybe he just wants to celebrate that you’re finally home after two years of being away,” Jimin mumbles as a lady massages his face with various creams.

“Or maybe he doesn’t give a shit about that at all and wants to show people how he got what he wanted and his daughter is compliant to whatever he says.” Your voice seeps with bitterness as you speak.

Jimin lets out a sigh, not knowing what to say because he knows that it’s probably true. Your father has hardly ever cared for your wishes and he’s been telling you to do everything he has said your whole life.

You’ve only been back in Korea for a day and your father had informed you as soon as you stepped into the office to greet him that there was going to be a celebration for your arrival and graduating from business school. He hadn’t even came to your graduation yet he wants to celebrate for your accomplishments. His words, not yours.

You had no other choice but to listen without a word because you knew you couldn’t really argue with him. You never win in your arguments with him and it’s  not like you could’ve then too.

“Babe, you could sneak it a little bit after your dad has introduced you. I’m sure he won’t notice. Then we could hang out in your room and drink booze and watch movies. Like old times,” He tries to make you feel better with his suggestion and your mouth slightly lifts up at his words. It sounded like a good way to spend the night.

“Can we also critique art works while we’re drunk?” You plead, watching his face carefully.

Jimin peeks one eye open, turning his head to look at you with a miserable look on his face, “Fine. Only because it’s about you and I’ve missed you so we’ll do anything you want.”

You give him a bright happy smile before looking down at your nails, still dreading for the uneventful night to come.

++

“This is stupid as fuck,” Jeongukk says to Taehyung as he sits down in the older boy’s beat up car.

“Boohoo, it’s just for a night,” Taehyung tells him as he pulls away from the apartment building and starts driving on the road.

“A night of serving food to stuck up rich people who I could care less about,” Jeongukk grumbles while he plays piano tiles on his phone.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll find a hot rich girl to take home,” Taehyung says as he changes lanes.

“I don’t plan on hooking up with any girls tonight. I’m still pissed as fuck because of the girl from the previous night who left hickies all over my neck,” Jeongukk mutters, running his hand over his marked up neck.

“You were probably too drunk to even tell her something so specific,” Taehyung chuckles while Jeongukk keeps his mouth shut, knowing he can’t speak anything in his defense.

“Fuck off,” The younger grumbles, tapping his thumbs against the screen more aggressively.

“It’ll only be a couple of hours and then we can eat, get paid, and leave,” Taehyung tries to make the other feel a bit better.

“Whatever, the food better be good,” says Jeongukk and Taehyung nods rapidly.

“Oh don’t worry, it’ll be good. These people don’t play around. They’re rich as fuck so I doubt they would have food with shitty quality.” The car halts as they near a large hotel where there are fancy and expensive cars being taken over by valet parking.

Taehyung drives his car into the parking garage, turning off the beat up station wagon once they find a parking space. Jeongukk lets out a tired sigh as he unravels himself from the belt and exits the car, following the other boy in tow.

He just wants to get it over with and go home.

++

“Y/N, sit still!” Jimin scolds as he brushes the eye shadow over your lids.

You let out a sigh, gripping the arms of the chair as the boy continues to apply makeup to your face. Guests of the party are already arriving yet you haven’t even put on your dress yet. Jimin, on the other hand, is dressed in head to toe in his designer gucci suit that is embroidered with delicate flower designs and jewels.

“My face feels so heavy, Jimin,” You groan, opening your eyes once you no longer feel the brush tickling your skin.

“I’m almost done,” He promises, applying a berry lipstick to your plump lips. He picks up a brush and sweeps a golden highlight over the apple of your cheeks to make your skin glow.

“Okay,” He spins your chair around so you look into the mirror, “Ta-da, you look so beautiful.” Jimin compliments as he fixes the strands of hairs that fell loose from your little messy bun.

“You did a good job,” You praise, unable to recognize yourself in the mirror.

“Thank you,” He bows, “I’ve had a lot of practice while you were away.” He informs you, running his hand through his silver hair. “Now change into your dress before your dad complains.”

“It’s not like I give a shit about him,” You snort, picking up the satin silk dress that has a deep v dipping down the chest.

“I’m assuming I don’t wear a bra,” You ask him as you observe the outfit.

“Of course not! You’re gonna look hot as fuck in this outfit,” He says, turning away once he sees you unravel your silk robe.

“It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone,” You say, pulling the dress over your head and fixing it around your chest area when you felt like your cleavage was spilling out. You were afraid to have a nip slip during the party.

“Jimin! Everyone might see my boobs if this slips.” You complain, trying to adjust the silk fabric.

“You look so good though, holy fuck!” He scans over your outfit with a satisfied grin. “Y/N, you need to get laid tonight. If I wasn’t gay, I’d totally bang you.”

“Shut up,” You lightly hit his arm, “Help me fix this,” You pout, letting the boy adjust the straps and cover your goods. He then puts on a thick diamond choker around your neck to complete the look.

“Wow,” Jimin steps back and puts his hands on his hips, “I really did that.” He says proudly.

You roll your eyes, picking up your phone and clutch. Once you grab all of your things, Jimin grabs the room key and leads you out of the suite. You wrap your arm around his, feeling anxious with all of the attention you’re about to receive from the people downstairs.

Jeongukk was tired as fuck and it’s only been fifteen minutes into his job as serving. He’s annoyed as fuck when someone asks him for a specific kind of drink and not the ones he holds on the tray. Just take the fucking rose is what he wants to say but he has to refrain himself from doing so.

Ever since he walked into the room, he’s felt the hungry eyes of many women dig into skin as they hung onto the arms of their rich husbands who were too busy discussing business deals to notice. 

He could care less about the women, just trying to get through the job. He is in no mood to deal sleep with a married woman considering his last experience didn’t end well when he had to walk out of the house with a bruised face when the woman’s husband came home to his wife moaning Jeongukk’s name while he was eating her out. 

He decided he was not going down that route again. Unless he was really in need of sex. 

He could also feel some people stare at him for the tattoos he has on both of his arms and neck. His button down doesn’t really do justice in covering them up as they rise up when he has to carry the tray of drinks. 

Jeongukk was just handing a group of people some wine when there is a deep voice that speaks through the microphone, halting everyone’s chatter. 

People stop to look up at the man who was the reason behind this whole party, holding their expensive glasses of wine and champagne as they watch him give out a small speech. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for those who have attended tonight’s event. This event is a celebration for my beautiful young daughter, Y/N, who as some of you know, just came back from studying abroad at the University of Oxford in London for business school. It was so hard for me when she was away but I’m happy to announce that she’s back and she’s ready to take over my position at the company.” The aged man speaks proudly though the microphone, holding a certain glint in his eyes. Jeongukk stops to watch as everyone holds up their drinks in a toast. “A toast to my daughter and her success!” Everyone cheers and drink from their glasses while Jeongukk just rolls his eyes. 

“Y/N, do you have anything you want to say?” He hears the man ask his daughter and Jeongukk’s eyes wander to the girl. 

He feels his breathe hitch in his throat at the sight of her, a tightness in his chest. It felt like the air just got knocked out of his lungs as soon as he lays his eyes on her. She’s beautiful, he thought. The way her satin silk dress clings to her curvy body, the deep plunge of the neckline revealing a bit of her breasts. There’s a diamond choker caged around her neck that sparkles more than anything else in the room as the lights of the chandeliers cause them to glitter. But what really catches Jeongukk’s attention was her face and the way she did not look as happy as she should. 

He watches as the girl gives her father a small, fake smile as she takes the mic from his hands and says in a soft voice, “Thank you to everyone who attended. I hope you enjoy the rest of your night.” And with that, she hands her father the mic back before looping her arm through the arm of a handsome man with silver hair who must be her boyfriend, Jeongukk thinks. 

He shakes his head, letting out a sigh before taking his empty tray back to the kitchen. There’s no way he would talk to her. She may be just like the rest of the snobby people in this room who are dressed in clothes that cost probably more than his entire rent. 

He gives an annoyed glare when he runs into another waiter that accidentally spills wine over his shirt. 

The scrawny man apologizes profusely, intimidated by the other’s tattoos and piercing eyes and Jeongukk just shakes his head before walking back into the kitchen.

“Y/N, are you really just going to eat throughout this whole party?” Jimin asks you as he watches you stuff your face with the small appetizers at the table. 

“No,” You speak through a mouth full of food, “I’m going to eat and drink for the whole party,” You correct, causing the silver haired boy to roll his eyes. 

“I just want you to be careful,” Jimin pouts while one of his hand reaches up to thumb away the sauce at the corner of your lips. 

“I am!” You tell him, grabbing a glass of wine off the server’s tray when they walk by. “Did you hear what my dad said up there?” Your voice slightly tremors. “I’m taking over his position. Isn’t that great?” There was no enthusiasm or excitement in your tone, just sadness and fear. 

Jimin watches as his best friend unhappily downs glass after glass of wine. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry,” His hand reaches up to rub your arm in a soothing way. He leans forward to wrap his arms around you, “I wish I could do more to help you.” He whispers. 

You shake your head, holding his torso tighter, “You being here is enough for me.” You tell him truthfully because without the support of your best friend, you would be so lost. 

Once you two pull back, you give him a pat on the shoulder. “Please go talk with other people. I know you had your eyes on a cute waiter earlier but you didn’t want to leave me,” You say in a knowing tone. 

Jimin pretends like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about as his eyes scan the room not so subtlety for the young man who he’s pretty sure had tattoos on his arms. 

“Jiminnnnn, I promise I’ll be fine! I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay with me the whole time,” You tell him. He doesn’t need to deal with your mopey mood, knowing that he’s the type of person that likes to socialize with others. 

“What if I’m just staying with you because I missed you?” Jimin pathetically makes the excuse. 

“I missed you too but I’m sure that’s not the case,” You grab his shoulders and turn him around so you could push him towards the crowd of people, “Now go find that man.” 

Jimin lets out a defeated sigh, “Fine but you keep your phone on you and let me know when you want to leave okay? Or if you need anything at all?” His voice is stern as he looks at you. 

“Yes mom, I promise. Now gooo,” You push him away, causing the boy to grumble and fix his suit as he disappears into the sea of people. 

You slightly smile before picking up your clutch from the table and looking around to see if there was anywhere you could sit. You take no interest in some of the people who hold a lingering gaze on your figure as you walk through the crowd. 

Your eyes narrow in on a bar where there is less people, pursing your lips before saying, “bingo.” 

Once you reach the bar and sit down at a stool, you ask the bar tender to give you a stronger drink. Your arms rest on the top as you wait for your drink, tapping your nails against the counter. 

You lightly jump in your seat when you feel someone sit on the stool beside you and they speak in deep honey-filled voice, “Water please.” 

You try not to turn your whole head to look at his face but your eyes scan over the intricate tattoo designs that are engraved into the skin of his arm, trying to make out what they are. 

The man clears his throat as he says a small thanks to the bartender who hands him his glass of water. You look at him confusedly, wondering why someone would want to order a water. 

You build up all of your courage and ask, “Not a fan of alcohol?” 

This immediately causes the man to stop in the process of drinking water and turn over to look at you. You feel his eyes on the side of your face but you don’t turn your head to look at him, your hand swirling the straw in your drink. 

He clears his throat again before looking down at his glass of water, “Nah, just hungover. Feel like I’ve had enough alcohol for the next few days.” 

This causes your lips to slightly tilt up at the sound of his voice as he speaks to you. 

“That much huh?” You say in a mused tone. 

“You have no idea. I came into work without a fucking shirt on,” He grumbles out. 

You snort at his words, turning your head to finally look at him. You feel slightly out of breathe when you scan over his appearance. He has raven black hair with bangs that cover his forehead. A large nose with a perfect slope and large doe eyes with brown irises that stare into yours. Silver hoops pierce his ears along with multiple small pieces of metal that pierce through his skin. He has tattoos that are inked into his neck and both arms, his figure built and lean. He is a beautiful man. 

“I’m sure some people weren’t complaining,” You say, not knowing where you suddenly got the confidence from. 

The boy bites down a smirk but is unable to control it as he feels it overtake his lips. “You think you would’ve been?” 

“Probably not,” Your eyes don’t waver from his face as you take a sip of your drink. 

You notice how his eyes zone in onto your plump lips that are wrapped around the straw. You hold back your own smile. 

“Good to know,” He slightly nods, “So why are you sitting at a bar all alone while there is a party being thrown for you?” He asks you. 

You let out a dreaded sigh, looking back at the ice melting in your drink. “I’d say this party is more for my dad, not me.” 

You don’t know why you’re telling this to a hot stranger but since he asked, you don’t know what else to say. You just feel like if you lie to him, he’ll know so there’s no point.

“Didn’t want to come back?” He asks you curiously. 

“Of course not. I knew the moment I’d be back, all of these responsibilities would be thrown on me,” You answer, mind drifting off to your father’s words about taking over the business. 

“I suppose you’re talking about taking up his position?” He clarifies and you look at him in interest. 

“I want to say yes but I’m worried you’re some undercover journalist who wants to get information from me,” You narrow your eyes at him, “Are you?” You knew that he was most likely not but you wanted to know who this man was. 

The boy snorts, looking down at his tatted arms, “Far from it actually,” He chuckles, “I’m a college drop out who works at a tattoo parlor with his two friends and I was able to be a server tonight to make some extra cash on the side,” He casually explains to her. 

You look at him in surprise, feeling more curious about the boy. “Tattoo parlor? Did you do those yourself?” Your eyes flit down to the tattoos on his arms. 

“Most of them. I designed them and had my friend do the ones I couldn’t reach,” He answers. “You’re not going to snitch on me for sitting on the job?” He asks in amusement. 

You snort, “I could care less. In fact, maybe I’d like it if you kept me some company since there’s nothing else to do at this party...” You trail off, wanting to know the boy’s name. 

He notices your questioning gaze and replies with, “Jeongukk. And I’m assuming your name is Y/N,” He says and you nod. “What about your boyfriend? Couldn’t he keep you company?” 

You look at him in ridiculously, “Boyfriend? I don’t have a boyfriend.” You don’t know where he got that idea from. 

“So the man who walked you down wasn’t your boyfriend?” Jeongukk asks her. 

Realization strikes upon your face and then you look at him with an amused smile, “That was my best friend, Park Jimin, who is very much gay. He saw a cute waiter so I told him he could run off to find him.” 

Jeonguk slightly smiles, nodding his head, “Good to know.” 

“Girlfriend?” You ask him in curiousness, noticing a bruise on his neck. 

“Nah,” he shakes his head, “No girlfriend.” 

You purse your lips before saying, “The hickey on your neck says otherwise.” You point out. 

Jeongukk’s hand immediately reaches up to his neck, rubbing over the mark as he curses under his breathe. “You see that’s from a recent hook up and I was too drunk to notice her making the mark.” 

You believe he’s being honest so you nod understandingly before asking, “You don’t like being marked?” 

Jeongukk looks at the counter top in thought before answering, “I prefer to be the one marking.” He speaks in a slightly seductive and deep whisper that causes a tingle in between your legs as your stomach flutters. 

You feel his warm breathe on your face as his head leans slightly down towards your own. Your own eyes nervously look into his, feeling as if he was looking into your soul. 

“Y/N!” Your hear the sound of your father’s voice calling your name which causes you to quickly pull away from Jeongukk. “Please come meet some of my business partners,” He calls and you let out a sigh, nodding your head but your eyes don’t look away from Jeongukk who stares at you with intrigued eyes. 

“I’m coming,” You call back out, standing up from the stool a little too fast that it almost causes you to tip over but Jeongukk quickly puts his hand on your hip to keep you steady. 

You feel your breathe hitch in your throat as your chest rises from breathing heavy. You look down at the veiny hand on your hip, gulping once he pulls away, touching lingering on your skin. 

“Guess it was nice meeting you?” Jeongukk says more like a question. 

You look down at him with pursed lips, glancing over at your father who was talking to his friends before you quickly whisper down into his ear, “Meet me near the restrooms in ten.” You then stand up straightly again and walk towards your father who smiles brightly, putting his arm around your shoulder as he introduces you to his colleagues. 

Jeongukk didn’t miss the way your hips swayed as when you walked and how your whole backside was on display as the dress had a low dip just above the dimples of your back. 

His knuckles turn white as he grips his glass tightly from the sexual tension he felt when he talked to you. The way your eyes would linger on his tattoos. How your plump berry lips wrapped around the straw when you knew he was watching. How your satin dress clung to your body while your skin glowed under the twinkling chandeliers. You took his breathe away. 

He had noticed you sitting at the bar and purposely decided to sit on the stool next to you, catching your floral scent when he casually asked the bartender for his glass of water. What he didn’t expect was for you to initiate a conversation with him. 

Your voice was soft and delicate when you spoke. He didn’t miss the sadness in your eyes when you spoke about your father. He didn’t expect you to be so open and honest considering he was just a stranger. He also didn’t fail to notice the fire that lit your eyes when spoke about his preference of leaving marks on her skin. 

Although he didn’t plan on hooking up with anyone tonight, that thought completely went into the trash once you started talking to him. 

He felt the excitement bubble in his stomach when he had heard you whisper in his ear that you wanted to see him again in a couple of minutes. Jeongukk decides that he just needs one drink because although he is a confident man when it comes to women, he felt slightly nervous about you. 

There was something about your beauty that he found so ethereal. How you were dressed in head to toe in expensive clothes but your personality quite different from what he expected. He was enamored by your presence around him. 

“Can I get a small glass of whiskey?” He asks the bartender who nods, pouring him a glass. 

He quickly downs the drink, feeling the liquid burn in his throat as he drinks it in one go. The glass slams against the counter, causing the person beside him to flinch but he pays no mind. He wipes his mouth, glancing over to see your eyes catching a glimpse of what he’s doing, a small smile on your lips that he knows is because of how he’s reacting and not because of what the person you’re speaking to is saying. 

He narrows his eyes at you before heading towards the restrooms outside of the hall and away from the people. He completely neglects the job he was suppose to be doing originally, more eager over what you two are about to do. 

Taehyung could get an explanation later.

“Fuck,” You moan against Jeongukk’s mouth as his tongue pushes past your lips to meet your tongue. His hands are running down your sides, brushing over your bare back while yours are tangled in his silky black hair. 

As soon as he had stepped in the hallways secluded from everyone else, not even five minutes later you had came to the area with your hand running down his back which had caused him to turn around only to be met with your lips pressing against his. 

He was taken by surprise when it happened but he quickly got over it and responded to your kiss which had then led you to where you are now: a storage closet where the two of your are making out with your hands all over each other. 

Jeongukk pulls his lips away from yours, grabbing ahold of the sides of your face before kissing his way down your neck. Your head tips back to rest against the wall behind you as you let the handsome man suck a bruise right above your breast. 

One of your hands trail down from his hair all the way across his built chest to the front of his slacks. You’re able to feel his large bulge pushing against the fabric as you rub against it. Jeongukk hisses into your skin but continues to create marks across your chest. 

You feel the strap of your dress slide of your shoulder, revealing your left breast and Jeongukk takes that moment to kiss around your areola before he wraps his lips around your perked nipple. You bite down on your lip to hold back a loud moan so that no one outside of the room hears you while your hand holds the back of his head, pushing him further into your chest. 

His tongue swirls around your nipple before he digs his teeth into your skin, causing the wetness between your legs to soak the fabric of your underwear. 

“Jeongukk,” You call out in pleasure as he kisses your nipple one last time before pulling back to look at you. The both of your eyes meet, appearance disheveled from touching each other. His shirt was halfway unbuttoned, revealing more of his tattooed chest and washboard abs. 

Without a second thought, your finger trails down from the top of his collarbone to his chest, feeling the muscle as it contracts beneath your touch. He leans down to kiss your lips again, addicted to the feeling of your lips on his. 

Your eyes shut as you breathe through your nose, loving the feeling of how his arms wrapped around your waist as he kisses you. After a few more lingering kisses, you pull back to catch your breathe as does he. 

“I want you to...” You start as your hand trails down his chest to his pants, “keep me company for the rest of the night.” You whisper, eyes taking in the designs on his chest. 

Jeongukk exhales through his nose, looking at you with his dark eyes as he allows you to touch his skin. He feels his heart slightly speed up at your suggestion and he wants nothing more than to take you right there. 

But he refrains himself from doing so and asks, “In here?” 

Your eyes meet his against but your hand doesn’t leave his chest. Your mouth lifts up in amusement at his question and you shake your head. 

“I have the key to a suite upstairs,” You inform him and he nods, feeling elated. 

“Well then, let’s go check it out,” He smiles and you lean in to kiss him again because his lips look so inviting. 

He helps you fix the strap of your dress by adjusting it on your shoulder again and you make sure the fabric of the dress is covering your breasts. Meanwhile Jeongukk buttons his shirt and runs his hands through his hair to make himself look somewhat decent when you two walk out. 

Once you grab the clutch your dropped onto floor when you two came in earlier, you open the door and look behind you before looking outside to make sure no one was around before you grab his hand and lead him out. 

The both of you walk towards the elevator in quick footsteps before anyone else catches you and the actions made you feel giddy. 

Once your inside, Jeongukk asks, “What floor?” to which you reply, “Thirteen.” And soon as the button is pressed, he pushes you against the wall, arms on either side of your head as your lips meet in another heated kiss. 

Your hands immediately reach up to grab the side of his neck, lips moving with his as the kiss is filled with lust. At this rate, the wetness between your leg trails down your inner thigh and you could both smell your arousal which only turns on the boy even more as his hips grind into yours. 

You gasp into his mouth, scrunching up his shirt in your hand as you let him grind against your crotch with his own hard bulge. One of his hands move down to your ass, giving it a small squeeze and you moan into his mouth, wanting more. 

“Baby, you’re so hot,” Jeongukk speaks against your mouth, “I couldn’t take my eyes off of you when I first saw you.” He tells her, unable to stop himself from speaking the truth. 

He starts to kiss down your neck again, causing you to tilt your head to the side eyes shutting in pleasure. When you hear the ding of the elevator, they immediately open and you pull back from his lips as you watch the doors open. 

Jeongukk can’t help but hook his hands beneath your thighs and pick you up into his strong arms so that your legs wrap around his waist. Your satin dress hikes up your thighs, revealing your whole left leg due to the slit on the side and you’re pretty sure you could feel your ass peeking out but in that moment you did not care. 

Your arms are wrapped around his neck, lips trailing kisses down his neck as he carries you down the hall. 

“Room 13E,” You mumble, lips sucking the skin of his neck into your mouth. You knew he was the one who likes to mark but you felt the urge to create a bruise so that others could see your work. 

Once he reaches right outside the door, you’re slammed against the door and you quickly reach into your clutch to grab the key card. He grabs it from your hand, sliding it through the lock in a haste and then he turns the knob to push it open. He holds you up against him by one arm, making the muscles in his arm flex as the other works on swinging open the door. 

When you get inside, he wraps both of his hands around your thighs again and kicks the door shut behind him with his foot. You drop your clutch onto the floor carelessly as he leads you to the large king sized bed that is sat in the middle of the room. 

His knees knocking against the edge of the mattress as he drops you onto the bed while he stands above you his lips red from kissing you, hair messy from the countless times you grabbed onto it. 

“I’m gonna eat you out. Do you want that, baby? Do you want my mouth on your pussy?” He asks you and you nod, legs involuntarily spreading open in an inviting manner. 

He unbuttons his hair, feeling the sweat trickle down his neck and you sit up on your elbow as you watch the shirt unravel from his torso to reveal his chest that is covered with tattoos. There is a beautiful large rose on his side with the veins that run across his stomach with thorns and petals. 

You watch as he unbuckles his belt, sliding it out of the loops and throwing it behind him. You don’t fail to miss his crotch area where his bulge is pushing against the fabric. You push yourself up from the bed, knees sinking into the mattress as you grab the waist of his pants. Your lips lick over the fabric of his blank pants, causing Jeongukk’s hand to immediately go into your hair. 

Your eyes don’t leave his as he watches you unbutton the pants with your hands and then pull the zipper down with your teeth. His breathe hitches in his throat as you kiss his cock through his black briefs while your hands completely push his pants down to his ankles. 

Jeongukk grips your wrists, taking you by surprise and he pushes you back against the mattress. 

“Let me taste you first,” He tells you, pushing your dress up your thighs to reveal your soaking thong. He notices your inner thigh glistening as it trails from your entrance and his first instinct is to bend down to lick over your underwear. 

You let out a moan of surprise, feeling the heat of his tongue through your underwear. You tangle your hands in his hair as he sucks on your clit. The heels of your shoes dig into his shoulder as he rub his finger over your underwear. 

His lips trail over your thighs and you feel his warm breathe on your inner thigh, his tongue licking up the wetness that was dripping through the fabric of your underwear. Your chest is heaving heavily as you feel his thumb hook around the side of your underwear and he tugs it down, sitting up so he could completely pull it off. 

He leans down to kiss you on the lips, his bulge touching your pussy and you’re able to feel it clearly through his boxers. You moan, nails dinging into his back as Jeongukk continues to grind against your entrance. 

“Fuck, Jeongukk please,” You moan into his mouth, letting him roam his tongue around your mouth. 

“Please what hm?” 

“Please fuck me, please,” You beg, causing him to smirk against your mouth. 

“Be patient,” He tells you before trailing kisses down your chest until he reaches your entrance. 

You finally feel his mouth wrap around your clit, sucking on it harshly and you thrash against the bed as your heels dig into his shoulders again. You shut your eyes in pleasure as you feel his tongue trail down from your clitoris to your slit, tongue spreading your folds to taste your wetness. 

“Oh fuck, Jeongukk please please please,” You beg, feeling his hand rub over your bundle of nerves as his tongue pushes into your entrance. You feel the warmth of his tongue pushing against your walls, making you cry out louder. One of his inked arms holds you down as it presses against your stomach while the other teases against your entrance. 

When he pulls his tongue away, his finger immediately slips inside of you and hooks around your entrance, causing you to moan even louder. Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you let him pleasure until you’ve reached your high. You pull the strap of your dress down, grabbing onto your breast and squeezing it. 

Jeongukk pulls away, lips glistening with your arousal. He notices your hand touching your breast and he adds another finger into you, feeling your walls clench around him. 

His heel smacks against your clit as he fucks into your pussy with his fingers at a harsher pace and you can’t stop moaning out loud. He adds more stimulation by spitting on your clit and then using the thumb of his other hand to rub it vigorously. 

“J-Jeongukk, please, fuck me, please,” You beg, eyes wet because you wanted his cock in you so bad. 

“You’ll get it soon,” He promises, leaning down to wrap his lips around your clit again and sucking on it while his fingers are still fucking into your entrance. 

“‘M gonna come,” Your voice is hoarse when you speak. 

Jeongukk picks up his pace with his fingers and you cry out when you feel yourself reaching your climax, stomach bursting at the sudden rush of electricity shooting down your spine. 

“Cum for me,” Jeongukk says, watching as you let out a loud gasp, throwing your head back. 

You release all over his fingers, feeling overwhelmed by the stimulation. 

Once Jeongukk pulls his fingers out, he drags them to his mouth, sucking on his cum covered fingers while he looks into your eyes. You let out a heavy breathe, eyes trailing down to his boxers that hold his length. You sit up and grab ahold of the waistband, tugging them down. 

Jeongukk watches you carefully as you wrap your hand around his length and rub your thumb across his slit that is dripping with pre-cum. The head of his cock was an angry red, blood rushed to the muscle. He lets out a groan when he feels your lips envelope the head. 

You look up at his face as you trail your mouth up his girth, sucking and tonguing at the head. Your plush lips suction onto the underside of his shaft, the tip of your tongue tracing the vein that bulges there. 

Jeongukk groans out loud, muttering a small fuck, when he feels your lips wrap around his throbbing tip and glide down his cock. He watches you with a heaving chest as your cheeks hollow, swallowing the entirety of his cock into your mouth until he hits the back of your throat. 

You feels your eyes water at the feeling but you don’t stop bobbing up and down, your wrist twisting and tightening around the rest of his cock. He pushes his hair back from your face and tucks it behind your ear as he continues to watch you suck him off. 

When he sees his vision start to turn white, he pulls out of your mouth with a loud pop and it causes a look of confusion to take over your face. 

“I wanna come inside of you,” He tells you, pushing the straps of your dress off of your arms so that it pools around your waist and then tugs it until he could throw it behind his shoulder. 

He was about to ask you if you had a condom but you beat him to it by telling him, “I’m on the pill.” He hesitates before nodding and then pushes you so your back meets the mattress. 

He then climbs over you, holding himself up by his elbows on either side of your head. He leans all of his weight on his left elbow while his right hand brushes across your cheek and he leans forward to press his lips to yours. His hand trails down your body, running over your breast and smoothing down to your stomach. 

His fingers brush of your clit covered in arousal, causing you to moan in his mouth and he takes that moment to slip his tongue to touch yours. He then grabs his cock, rubbing his tip over your clit in circular motions which makes you jerk immediately. You let out another moan, biting down on his lower lip as you push your hips forward into his touch. 

After teasing you for a few more seconds, he slides his cock down your slit, spreading your folds and you breathe heavily as you feel him near your entrance where you ache for him the most. You were waiting for him to slip inside of you and fill you to the brim. 

“Please,” You beg when you only feel his head slide into your entrance. 

“More?” He asks and you could hear the amusement in his voice. 

You nod vigorously, gripping onto his shoulders so hard that your nails dig into them. 

Jeongukk finally decides to slide into your pussy completely, being engulfed by your warm, wet walls. He lets out a groan in combination with a sigh while you whimper, adjusting his thick girth. He pulls back again until only the tip was left in your entrance making your whine which turns into a loud cry of pleasure when he slams back into your not even five second later. 

You pull him closer to you, turning your head to the side as he kisses down your neck while he continues to pound into you. The sound of his hips smacking against yours bounces across the walls and you can’t stop moaning his name as he hits a particular spot inside of you. 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” You cry and he watches your face as it lays against the pillow. Your eyes were slightly smeared with makeup and there was sweat trickling down your silk like skin but he was still entranced by your beauty. It encouraged to satisfy you even more, bringing his hand to your clit to rub it at a fast pace. 

You gasp at the added stimulation, shutting your eyes and chanting yes yes yes over and over again. The boy doesn’t stop thrusting into you, picking up his pace as you feel yourself reaching your high again. 

Jeongukk groans as he feels his stomach churning, blood rushing to his cock and doesn’t stop pulling and pushing back in. He watches the way your pussy swallows his entire cock, spilling out your juices.  

At this point, you’re both sure that the residents in the room beside you might be able to hear you but neither of you pay any mind to them. Your nails scratched against Jeongukk’s broad back and he hisses at the feeling but doesn’t stop you. 

“I’m gonna come,” You whimper, grabbing one of your breasts and squeezing it.  

“I’m almost there. I’m gonna come in your pussy. Is that what you want?” He asks your breathless and you just nod, words unable to escape your mouth. 

He leans down to kiss you again, tongue swiping across your plush lips and you open your mouth again so he could slide his tongue against yours. You could see your vision turn white as you release around his cock, moaning loudly. Jeongukk continues to thrust into you until he fills himself spurt into your entrance, filling your pussy with his load. 

He grabs the sides of your face, holding you closer so your lips move sync. The sound of your kissing lips is now the only thing you two could hear. Jeongukk stays inside of you for a few more seconds as he makes out with you but you both have to pull away to catch your breathe. 

You whimper as he slowly pulls out, watching your cum mixed with his, drip out of your entrance. He falls onto his back beside you on the mattress, running his hands through his hair that is soaked with sweat. The both of you are breathing heavily, eyes shut as you try to calm down. 

You felt him get up from the mattress but you didn’t have it in you to see why. Your hear the bathroom light turn on and the water running. 

With one eye blinking open, you watch him come back with a small wet towel in his hand. You’re fascinated with the way his body moves, muscles flexing beneath his skin and the ink all over his body telling stories that you couldn’t understand. You feel him wipe down between your legs and you sigh in content as he cleans you up. He then unstraps your heels, pulling them off your feet and throwing them onto the floor. 

You were feeling surprised at his actions, never have hooked up with a man who cleans you up as gently as him after sex. Usually you’d have to go to the bathroom on your own and then quietly sneak out. However, Jeongukk didn’t like he was leaving just yet. 

You give him a small appreciative smile as your eyes meet and you see the corner of his mouth lift just a little bit before he looks away. He then turns back around, displaying a huge tattooed dragon on his back that you never saw before. It ran down his entire toned back, details of the design causing your mouth to become ajar. Your eyes glance down at his toned, perky ass and you quickly look away, feeling your cheeks flush. 

Jeongukk walks out of the bathroom, picking up his black briefs from the floor and sliding them up his legs. You then notice him pick up his slacks and shirt, causing your heart to race in your chest. 

Without thinking you speak, “You could stay the night if you want.” 

He halts his actions, eyes meeting yours in surprise. You clear your throat, glancing down at your fingers while you say, “I mean until tomorrow morning. If you want.” 

“You sure?” He asks you, avoiding to look at you. 

“Mhm,” You hum, rolling to the left side of the bed and tugging the blanket over your body. “You could sleep on the bed. I don’t move around too much in my sleep.” 

You shut your eyes, feeling yourself drift off but you were still aware that Jeongukk hadn’t moved. You tried not to turn around yet your heart was racing in your chest when you heard the sound of his feet pad against the floor. 

Jeongukk pulls the blanket back, sliding in beside you with and keeps a little distance between the two of you. You try not the breathe too fast, trying to make it seem like you’ve fallen asleep. It’s hard to believe that not even ten minutes ago, this man balls deep inside of you while you were screaming his name and now you two are awkwardly laying beside each other like a bunch of shy strangers. 

You feel yourself slip into unconsciousness, body completely worn out. However, you fall asleep with a small smile on your face without even realizing it was because of the boy beside you. 

Jeongukk sees your chest rise slowly as you’re in a deep slumber. His mind drifts back to what you two had just done and he could still remember how your breathlessly called out his name while he pounded into you. The way you threw your head back against the pillow and let him take you over and over again. 

When you had asked him to stay, he was taken by surprise. He quite frankly didn’t feel like dealing with Taehyung downstairs anyways but he certainly didn’t think he could stay. He expected you to kick him out a few minutes later but instead you moved over and let him sleep in your bed beside you, clueless to how much you intrigued the boy as you slept soundly. 

He’s not the kind of man that pays too much attention to the women he sleeps with. He appreciates the women’s beauty and loves to show them how much he could pleasure them in so many different ways but he never went passed that extent. There was something about you that drew him in the moment he laid eyes on you and it wasn’t just your alluring presence. 

He couldn’t fight off the sleep that overtakes him and he lets himself be swept away into a world full of dreams. 

You blink your eyes open slowly, scrunching up your face when you feel a light hitting your face. You sigh in annoyance flipping your head to the other side of the pillow so you face away from the window that has the sunlight shining through. 

With your still half awake mind, you remember that there was a body beside yours the night before but is no longer there. You quickly open your eyes, seeing the left side of the bed devoid of a man with the tattooed body. You sit up and see that his clothes are gone from the floor too and the bathroom light is off. 

A cold draft causes you to shiver and you realize you’re still completely nude beneath the blanket. You let out a slightly disappointed sigh, feeling your heart ache because for some reason you hoped that Jeongukk would still be laying beside you when you wake up in the morning. 

He was so handsome. His entire aura drew you in with his skin that was covered in tattoos, brown eyes that would become a shade darker when they’re filled with lust. His raven black hair that brushed across his forehead. The smooth and strongly built muscles of his entire body. He was different from other men you slept with. He took care of you after you had sex, taking his time gently clean you up with his skilled hands. 

You pressed your legs together when you thought about the way he made you come with his tongue and fingers and then again with his cock. You had never felt so much pleasure from another man in your life. He was mysterious and charming. 

You think back to that small smirk he gave you when you flirted with him. You remember how it caused shivers to run down your spine and how you wanted to see more of it.

You drop against the mattress again, your hair splaying around the pillow and you’re mind unable to stop thinking about Jeongukk. 

You were probably never going to see him again. It seems like he didn’t really care to stay either, probably thinking of it as a one night stand. 

Forgetting about him just might be for the best when your two worlds are completely different. 

++

so how was it? 

please let me know what you think so i could continue to write future parts bc i have a lot planned :) 

love, m. 

[muffinlance]

Your recent ask about struggling with your serious writing projects really hit home, but was also super inspiring. And intimidating. I hope you know I think of you like a writing sensei now. Is sensei the right word? Writing big sibling? Anyway, how do you deal with the anxiety of all those projects? I want to be a Proper Writer too, and I have the ideas and the time, but I always get nerfed by anxiety whenever I try and write original fiction. Any tips on how to stop overthinking?

In light of our shared fandom, dear @captainkirkk, I will accept "Sifu".

Writing tips!

You are obviously solid on writing mechanics and short story arcs (maybe long form arcs too, but I've only had the pleasure of reading your short fics thus far.) So in your case, it is probably just a lack of experience causing most of this anxiety. 'Cause I have found that becoming comfortable with each new stage of writing is an exercise in exposure therapy.

If you're specifically worried about original characters/fics, consider working more OCs into your fanfics just to get more experience with/feedback on them. You'll know real fast if people are reacting well to your OCs, and can tweak things accordingly in the wonderfully low-stress world of fanfic.

As far as anxiety on writing in general, as far as I can tell it never goes away, but there are definitely strategies to lessen it. You'll have to experiment with what works for you. For me, going for long nighttime jogs and just turning ideas over in my head in a low-stress not-even-trying-to-write-right-now environment is super helpful. And if you haven't already, it's Real Big Important to learn to separate the "something is wrong with this story" anxiety from the "I am the worst writer ever and everything I touch becomes ash unto mine eyes" anxiety. I've gotten in the habit of literally trying to write out my anxiety causes. Mock example that's pretty much exactly like what I really do:

(I start with a clear statement of the problem:) Why do I hate this scene, it feels like the literal worst?

(Then I list potential causes:) are character interactions weak? Anything I can do to increase tension/character interplay? More background elements to add depth to scene? Is this supporting the plot enough? Do I even need this scene or can important elements be combined into future scenes? Etc.

Then I work my way through each question, allowing "no this is fine" to be an acceptable answer. And if everything is fine... I might just be in a grr mood where Everything Is Awful and I should take a break because I'm only going to do more harm than good here. Go for a jog, play with the cat, switch to another story for a bit if-I'm-not-grring-at-that-one-too. I actually ran into this with Little Zuko 31; I basically did exactly the above, and ended up scraping about 3k of perspectives-in-the-waiting-room because they were slowing the pacing and coming off as too Zuko-whumpy in a story that doesn't usually drag its heels in depressing bits. My solution was literally "this boy needs a goddamn coat earlier in the chapter so everyone can stop worrying about him and we can get back to the right tone", so I deleted a whole slew of scenes, inserted the early Yue POV, and had her bring him a goddamn coat. And suddenly the chapter was good, great, I-can-work-with-this. But it took a few hours to A) acknowledge that I was writing myself deeper into a pit of this-isn't-working, and B) put my finger on the cause enough to fix it. Sometimes it takes me days to figure that stuff out. Or months. Or years. I've got a novel I just took out of my Grrr Drawer that I hated hated hated, but now that I've got more experience with fixing things, I was able to spot what was wrong and figure out a roadmap for fixing it.

If you haven't already, make sure you've joined some sort of weekly-if-not-daily critique group where you can crit a metric ton of stories and read the crits others have written; it is notably easier to spot mistakes on someone else's work, and many times you'll walk to the fridge and go "...wait a sec, I'm doing that too". I have learned more about story structure from criting works that were almost-but-not-quite working than from reading all the perfectly edited novels in the world. (Critique Circle is an excellent site for this, best I've found, though as with all crit sites you need to know how to work the system so you're getting the most out of your time spent there. If anyone is interested in CC specific tips, shoot me an ask.)

Also, if you haven't already, figure out what stages of your projects you need what kind of feedback on. It took me a Real Long Time to figure out I worked best without input of any kind until I had a draft I personally couldn't improve upon further. When working on my original projects, I no longer show anyone anything until things are finished and polished. Then I invite the crit jackals in (I love my crit jackals, proper constructive criticism hurts so good). Fanfiction has been an interesting experience and a reminder of why I work that way: I am really easily influenced to change things based on reviews. I've now got enough experience writing full novels that I can (mostly) sort out "cool ideas" from "cool ideas that actually work in the broader context of this story", but I still find myself tweaking my outline after reviews. In ways that are hopefully good. But back when I was a less confident writer with terrible outlining skills, oh man I wrote myself down unworkable tangents just because "wouldn't it be cool if..."

So yep. In summary: experiment with anxiety relief strategies and self-care that work for you, acknowledge that the anxiety will always be there and that is normal there is nothing wrong with you, use the anxiety as a tool to address whatever your subconscious is trying to tell you about your story (stop and have a Real Talk with your anxieties--are they trying to tell you something, or do you just need to take a quick brain break?), and know that you're already an amazing writer you just need to practice more on original fics and get them out in the world. <3

Also: sometimes you will get to the end of a project and it... Just didn't work. It's unfixable, or would take more time to fix than just moving on to your next project with lessons learned. I see so many newer writers getting stuck on their "dream story". The one they've been editing and re-editing for years. And it's like, honey, you remember that first clay pot you made in kindergarten? That one that's lumpy and leaning to one side and objectively terrible and I'm pretty sure a mouse crawled inside, got lost, and died in it? Your novel is the equivalent of that. Don't try to fix this pot, go practice making more.