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astarion-approves · 1 year

Note

drabble req? :) would love to see some astarion working on comforting or patching up tav/reader — there’s a lot of hurt/comfort in the other direction out there but soft!astarion is so cute :’) love your work btw! <3

Astarion x GN! Reader drabble (695 words)

SFW, Astarion POV, third person POV, Fluff, shitty pep talks (which I am also not great at,) no patching up but it's kinda cute anyway. A touch of jealous Gale

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“Astarion,” Gale began, the human always tiptoeing around him since the beginning. “Could you…” He shook his head, the man looking unsure with his next words. “Could you check in on Tav?”

Astarion sighed and closed his book, his eyes flicking to the fireplace where Tav sat alone and poked at the fire. “And just why would I do that?”

“Look,” Gale clenched his teeth together, looking over his shoulder to where Tav sat before looking to Astarion once more. “They obviously have feeling for you—“

“Hah! Well that's no surprise. After all, no one can deny my charms—“

“And you obviously have feelings for them.” Gale’s tone was firm, his eyes harsh as he glared back at the vampire, a tint of jealousy swimming beneath it.

Astarion tossed his book into his tent, his arms coming to cross over his chest as he glared right back at Gale. “And so what if I do?!” Now he swung his hands in front of himself, gesturing past Gale and to where Tav still sat. “What the hell do you expect me to do!? Go over there and tell them everything is going to be okay?! That all of the evil in the world will never get to them because I’ll protect them from it?! That these fucking tadpoles in our brains mean no harm and that we’ll all live happily ever after?!”

“Yes,” Gale replied. “That is exactly what I expect you to do.”

Astarion dropped his arms to his sides, pouting at Gale’s answer. He sighed. “Fine!”

Shoving past Gale he made his way to Tav, rubbing his now injured shoulder. He may have overreacted just a tiny bit, but the way Gale stumbled from his shoulder check was worth it.

“Hello, Tav,” Astarion sat down beside them without an invitation.

“Hey.” They gave Astarion a small smile but turned their attention back to the fire.

“I think it’s best if we’re just honest with one another here,” Astarion said with a shrug. “Being friends and all.”

Tav only hummed in reply.

For a moment Astarion let his facade drop. Usually Tav would be eager to chat with him, truly, about anything and everything. To see them pay more attention to the fire than his gorgeous self— something really was wrong.

“What’s wrong, Tav? Tadpole hosting a private party in your skull?”

Tav snorted, another smile gracing Astarion and giving his heart a little flutter knowing that he managed to earn a real smile from them. “Everything?” Tav answered. “Just… everything.”

“Well-“

“And you don’t have to tell me that we’ll live happily ever after.”

“Look at you! Eavesdropping on a private conversation? I’m so proud.”

They didn’t reply this time, just focusing on the flames as they danced in front of them, burning down the pile of wood and sparking as Tav added another log.

“No, things won’t end happily ever after,” Astarion broke the silence as he spoke, his voice soft. “I think that much was obvious the moment we were abducted by fucking mind flayers.”

“Some pep talk—“

“Give me a moment, I’m not accustomed to cheering a person up!”

Tav laughed, but gestured for Astation to continue. “Okay, sorry.”

“Apology accepted.” Astarion bumped their arm into Tav’s. “Now, where was I—“

“Happily ever after, or lack thereof.”

“Right, our eventual demise.”

“Astarion—“

“Look, I’m not good at this, clearly. We’re all bound to die some day, but it’s how we spend our days before the end that matters. You can’t give into these feelings of darkness that haunt you, the urge to give up when things get tough. I’m here for you, everyone in this strange camp of weirdos is here for you— and if you’re hurting all you have to do is say something and we’ll do what we can. Shitty pep talks included.”

Tav nodded and tossed their stick into the fire, no longer playing with the flames that beckoned them. “I’m hurting.”

“I know, darling,” Astarion said and put his arm over their shoulder, pulling them closer. “I can’t change the world, all I can do is be here for you… and I hope it’s enough.”

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astarionancuntnin · 4 months

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Die For You (Chapter 2)

summary: following your encounter in that dark alley, you're faced with your old love. will you have the strength to stand up to him?

rating: T

word count: 2.5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: kidnapping, reader is shackled for a while, starvation (both imposed by captor and self-imposed), manipulation.

a/n: a shorter chapter and no funny business this time around cause we gotta focus on the development of their relationship while reader is in captivity. also! look out for the additional a/n at the end of the chapter! im undecided on where i want to take this so i want all of your opinions !!

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I fell in love with someone

I don’t know

Anymore, anymore

Sometimes I wonder if you

Think of me

Anymore, anymore

You can't make much of what happened after he appeared. You were too shocked by the presence of your past lover to acknowledge whoever cast sleep on you, knocking you unconscious at your most vulnerable moment. Cowards. When you awaken, you’re shackled, hanging to a wall in a dark cell. You pull against the restraints to no avail; you were securely locked in.

Your struggling must’ve made too much noise, as not long afterwards, the door opens wide, revealing Astarion, alone. He was standing proud in lavish clothing, different from the ones you had seen him in at the party a few days ago, but just as proper. As much as these last few months had been awful to you, it seemed like they had been the best in his last 200 years of existence. He approaches you slowly, head held high and arms crossed in his back.

“How’s your head, my dear?”

Hearing his voice again for the first time in months triggers a wave of emotions within you. Hurt, hatred, longing… lust. You shake them away as best as you can before questioning him.

“Why did you bring me here, Astarion?”

“I simply wanted to talk,” he says, his tone annoyingly playful.

“Was the kidnapping and shackles really necessary?” You slightly pull against them again to make your point; you can barely move in this condition.

“Can you blame me? Seeing how you ignored me so easily all night, and the fury in which you provoked my servants, I doubted you were going to follow me here willingly.”

You close your eyes and sigh, dropping your head, discouraged.

“Plus,” he adds, “I couldn’t take the chance to have you run out on me. I let you go once, it’s not a mistake I’ll be doing again.”

“Really? Now, after all these months, you want me back?” You chuckle, somehow finding a way to laugh at the situation you’re in as you raise your head back to meet his gaze. “I notice that your inability to move on wasn’t part of the many things that changed after your ascension.”

He smiles back, amused by your wits. “I told you, I only changed for the best. Besides, I know you've been missing me just as much.”

“Oh please,” you roll your eyes, trying to conceal your reality. “You couldn’t be further from the truth.” “Am I? Were you not alone and miserable for all these months, flinging yourself at any stranger willing to spend the night with you? Or did my spawns lie to me?”

“Wait… How do you know that? Have you been spying on me?!” You exclaim in disbelief.

“Well, someone had to make sure you weren't off to get yourself killed in some stupid way.”

You scoff, offended at this image he had of you. “I can handle my own, thank you.”

“And yet, my servants had no problems cornering you in a dark alley.”

You open your mouth as you're about to answer back when you find yourself at a loss for words. He got you there, the prick. He notices your silence and sighs before commenting on your state.

“I’m sure you’re mad at me right now, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. But know that I’m doing this for your own good.”

“My own good? If you wanted to help me, you would disappear from my life, let me go and give me a chance to move on.” You feel like crying, and yet, the irony of the situation makes you laugh some more. “You have everything you’ve ever dreamed of and yet, you still couldn’t find someone new to replace me.” He laughs lightly. “I’ve only ever wanted you, my treasure. And now,” he walks towards you with a languid pace, his hand reaching for your chin, lifting it to meet his gaze, “You're finally where you belong, where you should have always been in the first place.”

You snap your head out of his grasp. “Shackled at your feet?” You spit out.

He forcefully brings back your gaze on him, his nails grazing your cheeks, making you hiss. “By my side.” He looks at your bared teeth, smiling. “You will make a deadly consort, that I'm sure of.” Your eyes widen as you understand the implication, and your voice rises as the fear starts to set in. “NEVER.”

He tilts your head aside and leans in the crook of your exposed neck, his breath hot against your skin. “You don't have to. I can just take what's rightfully mine,” he whispers and that last word sends a chill down your spine. You struggle in his grasp, trying to pull your neck away as you shout. “Don’t you DARE!”

He chuckles to himself. “Oh, don't you worry, I won’t bite unless you ask, very, very nicely.” He releases your face coldly but doesn’t move away from you. “But where are my manners? I almost forgot; I meant to invite you to eat.”

“I would rather starve,” you declare, leaning into that last word.

He sighs, seemingly growing tired of your attitude. “Fine, do as you wish,” he says, walking away from you.

He leaves and you’re left on your own for Gods know how long. You spend those first hours trying to free yourself still and eventually give up when you start to feel the bruises on your wrists. You drift in and out of consciousness, fatigue affecting you more with every hour that passes. Without any source of light, it’s nearly impossible for you to tell how much time had gone by since the night you were captured. But, judging by the growling of your stomach, at least a full day had gone by, maybe even two. Your arms and legs were starting to give out on you as well, when the door before you opened to a spawn you didn't recognize.

“Lord Ancunín invites you to dinner,” he says, composed.

“You can tell him to fuck off.” Your words don’t have the intended effect as they’re told with a shaky voice. In truth, you would kill for just a piece of bread right about now, but you would let yourself die before you complied to Astarion.

“I'm afraid that's not an option.”

Two more spawns appear behind him, and you instantly understand where this is going; this wasn't a request, it was an order. You're unshackled, although the spawns’ grips were so strong, you didn’t notice a difference, and were guided out of your cell. You reach an immense dining room, where Astarion has been waiting for you, a gold cup already to his lips. Knowing him, you suppose it’s either blood or fine wine, not that you care either way. You sink into the chair positioned at your end of the table, eyeing the food before you suspiciously.

“You don’t seriously think I would poison you, do you?” He exclaims. “Oh no, quite the opposite; I only want what’s best for my precious pet.”

You scoff, briefly eyeing Astarion who is sitting opposite you before turning your attention to the contents between the two of you. You would lie to yourself if you said you weren't starving. The food laid out on the table looked delicious. The table was filled with different plates of food, each one looking better than the previous, making your stomach growl in appetite. You could practically drool all over the place, but you didn’t want to give Astarion the satisfaction of seeing you cave in. Not yet, not so soon. You wouldn’t let him get the best of you.

Astarion quickly understands your intentions, with you staring right back at him, and he sighs, rolling his eyes. “It wouldn’t be wise to let yourself starve, pet. You wouldn’t want to waste all this delicious food, would you? Don’t be shy, at least take a bite.”

You're tempted, but against your better judgement, you ignore the mouth-watering meal, crossing your arms in defiance. He rolls his eyes, matching your attitude.

“As you wish.”

He snaps his fingers and the two spawns that brought you here move towards you, reaching for your arms. You stand up abruptly, pulling away from them and swiftly grabbing a knife from the table, standing in a defensive stance. Astarion speaks up, and you can practically hear the smile in his voice. “Trust me, you do not want to pick a fight here. My lovely assistants only want to bring you back to your cell for the night.”

“I know the way.”

“I insist.”

Your fatigue and hunger get the best of you; you simply don’t have the energy to fight.

“Fine.” You drop the knife on the floor in defeat; even if you managed to land a blow, you had nowhere to run off to, and they would probably catch up to you anyway.

“That’s my girl.”

You hate the effect he still has on you. He knows just what to say to get to you.

You shoot him a deadly glare and feel your breathing quickening as your heart races with anger and your nails dig through your palms. He smiles pretentiously at you, and you’re overcome with thoughts of jumping onto him and punching his stupid face, making him regret everything he’s done to you these last few days. If it wasn’t for the awful twist in your gut, you might have. You shut your eyes closed as you look away, frowning, before you start walking away and the two vampire spawns accompany you to your cell, where you let yourself slouch over the rock wall. At least, they didn't restrain you again.

Once again alone with your thoughts, your mind drifts to your companions. Specifically Shadowheart; would she still be waiting for you? Would she be looking for you? You wish you had a way to contact her, let her know you need help. Your thoughts are interrupted by a stabbing feeling in your gut, again. Maybe you should’ve taken a bite, just a small one, just to keep you going… No, this was a game to him, you needed to hold on. The pain is good, you try to convince yourself, it’s a reminder that I’m alive, mortal, and I’ll fight to keep it that way as long as I can.

Another wretched tenday passes and you avoid the food still. Every day follows the same routine: you’re woken up, Astarion’s spawns bring you to the large dining room where you’ll refuse to eat anything, until he gets bored of your attitude and you’ll be brought back to your cell, three times a day. You sense how Astarion is getting annoyed at you, and it strengthens your resolve. However, you hate to admit it, but you’re becoming weaker and weaker. You spend most of the passing days asleep, unable to think straight through your hunger, and too exhausted to do anything else.

Finally, you cave in.

As you're brought to the dining room for dinner, your gaze falls upon your favourite meal, presented before you. For the first time in days, your façade breaks down, you have eyes for nothing else other than the meal in front of you. Had this been given to you on the first day, you would’ve gladly turned it down, but you didn’t have that kind of resolve anymore. Astarion snaps you out of your reverie by speaking up, and you raise your eyes to meet his.

“You had asked me what my favourite meal was and I couldn’t remember.” His tone is gentle. “It had been so long that everything tasted like garbage. Even wine tasted like pure vinegar. It frustrated me. That’s when you told me about yours: Baldurian Mash. You described it in such great detail, I could almost taste it myself.” He pauses, and you look up to meet his gaze. “I wanted to give you what I couldn't have. A chance to remember.” You can’t stop the tears from swelling up. You’re famished, completely drained, and mentally spent; this was the last straw. You grab the gold-plated utensil with a shaky hand and dig into the plate, shoving that first bite in your mouth. It’s even better than you remember it. You chew on that first bite longer than necessary, relishing the taste of the meal. It’s comforting, filling, it tastes like home; it’s everything you’ve wanted and more. You are so hungry that you end up ravishing the rest of it, barely taking the time to savour it properly past that first mouthful. Your belly growls, this time content with the food you finally gave it. After so many days resting on an empty stomach, you can't afford to eat anything else. You smile unconsciously as you lay back in your chair, satisfied with your meal, before getting up to leave, following the usual routine.

You stop in your tracks near the door and slightly turn around towards the ascendant, pausing before the words escape your lips.

“Thank you.”

As you walk away, you miss the devilish grin forming on his lips, as you curse yourself for granting him the satisfaction of your words.

You know the way to your cell by heart now; you would probably be able to reach it with your eyes closed. You walk in front of the spawns, your mind wandering to your evening, to him. He remembered that little detail about you that felt so insignificant back then, and he sounded so sincere. What if he cared all along? Had you been wrong about him all along? Did you miss out on the signs, too blinded by your guilt? Deep down, was he still your Astarion? The same questions keep repeating themselves over and over until one of the spawns speaks up, snapping you out of your own world.

“Excuse me, my lady?”

Lady? The mention of the title stops you in your tracks and you turn around to face them, a question mark visible on your face.

“Lord Ancunín requested that you be moved to this room from now on.”

The spawn walks towards a door you had never noticed previously and opens it, welcoming you in. You look at the other spawn who nods at you before you walk towards the room. Inside you find a large bed, draped in luxurious blue and gold silk sheets, a lit fireplace creating a warm light all around, and a large window, covered by black curtains. The room alone is almost as large as the one you shared with your companions back at the Elfsong. The walls were filled with books that you couldn’t make out exactly, and a cosy blue velvet chair sat between the fireplace and the window. You’re still taking everything in when one of the spawns speaks up.

“Please let us know if you are in need of anything. Have a good night, my lady.”

You barely notice them as they both leave, closing the door behind them, too enraptured by the sight of your new room. You're confused. Could this be a trap? Was he watching you from somewhere like he had been all those previous months? You look around quickly but can't make out much, as the fatigue from your first meal in days settles in. The bed in the middle of your room looks so comfortable after spending days sleeping against the cold rock ground. You reach for it and as you lay down, you feel yourself drift to sleep almost instantly.

Familiar faces that look like you

They tend to

Mess with my head just like it's deja vu

It's always

Right when I think I’m getting over you

That it feels

Like I have salt inside an open wound

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delulu-sushi · 8 months

Text

Future Y/N and Mikey visiting their childhood!!! Canon to Always By My Side. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Enjoy!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Remember this place?" Mikey's words trigger your memories as he offers his hand to help you off the back of his motorcycle

Just like he did that day

He entwines his fingers into yours, as deep as one possibly could, as the two of you walk down Musashi Shrine.

You glimpse at him.

Now 25, Manjiro Sano was still as charming as ever. He left his playful appearance, his hairstyle now mimicking his older brother's and his clothes being less casual and more flaunting, but he was still you're Manjiro.

As you walked down Musashi Shrine, you noticed how just the aura of the place brought back his Toman demeanor, just as he would walk down all those years ago... ...the hundreds of heads bowing down as he walked past them, his cape endlessly flowing back as you watched him with a proud feeling that never went away. Watching the invincible Mikey, no, your invincible Mikey walk so confidently, and see so many people respect him...

Manjiro stood where his young self once stood, and you swear you saw the ghosts of the past. He turned to you as his smile grew bigger, and slowly walked towards you, who was leaning on a pole. His one hand reached for your face as he brought his forehead closer to yours, planting a soft kiss on your lips, before whispering his daily mantra, "I love you".

"You know you can't whisper those words without taking things farther" you tease him in between his soft kisses.

"Heh," he chuckles as he takes his hands in yours leading you down the shrine and on a path in the forest, "Don't worry dorayaki, I know what to keep private" he says with a snobbish wink as you roll your eyes at him, the two of you erupting in a series of giggles with your flirtatious talks.

"Are we going to that tree?" You ask Manjiro as you notice the surroundings around you. "Honestly, I didn't think you would remember, seeing how you forget your own birthday"

Mikey gives you a raised eyebrow as he starts giving a very irrelavant and made up list of all the things you forgot, which you give an eye roll and eventually erupt into giggles

He loves making you laugh

"Never stop laughing, m'kay?" He doesn't stare you straight in the eye, but moves his arm over your shoulder as you hug his side

"For you, I never will." You answer back as the two of you eventually stop at the tree.

Manjiro rolls his sleeves down and reaches his hand into a tree hole untouched for 15 years. He pulls out a rusty box, once golden and embroidered, now dusty. Still, Manjiro takes out a handkerchief and wipes the box, which, to your astonishment, is still as beautifully embroidered as it was all those years ago.

Jiro clears his voice and stands up tall, very evidently trying to hold back a childish smile as he begins a speech.

"MS. L/N, F/N, 15 YEARS AGO I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU. 15 YEARS AGO I ASKED YOU TO PUT SOMETHING IN THIS BOX THAT REMINDED YOU OF ME. 15 YEARS AGO, I did the same" His voice calms down as he smiles lovingly. He can't stop. Manjiro opens the box and motions you to take out his letter, as he takes out the picture you drew.

"Dear dorayaki, " you start to read the letter and sneak a glance at Mikey, who freezes with a tomato-red face, suddenly remembering how much of an embarrassing love-struck 10 year old he was, "Jeez Jiro, I can't believe you made up that nickname when you were ten" you tease him.

"One day, you came to my grandpa's dojo, and I thought you were just another girl. Then we played together. You, me, Baji, and Sanzu, and all I wanted to do was make sure no one tagged you but me. Now I am ten and Shinichiro is always talking about the girls he gets rejected by. And sometimes, I get scared that you too, will reject me."

You pause to take a breath. Never in your life did you imagine that the 5th grade boy who acted so cool and chill in front of everyone was head over heels about you, going so far to write a whole letter.

"I think I'm in love with you. And if this is true, then I'll tell you. I'll look at your pretty E/C eyes all day long and we'll drink milkshakes together, and I'll even let you finish mine. But most importantly, if this is true, then I'll bring you back here and", you turn over the paper, anticipating what comes next... but its empty. Confused, you look back at Manjiro, whos

On his knees.

His hands on a small square case which you hope has what you think is inside.

He's staring at you, with love, because he knows what you're answer is going to be

"Marry me?"

No words come out of your mouth as you nod your head while tears slowly drop down your face as he takes your precious hand and slides a golden ring with the engraving Sano.

"Then I'll bring you back here and I'll make you a Sano" he finishes the last sentence of his letter and kisses your hand, while your still in shock about what happened.

"We're, WE'RE MARRIED NOW! We're married now? Oh my gosh, we are married Manji" Manjiro never thought you would be freaking out more then him. He looked straight in your eyes, picked you up, and twirled you around, "YEAH! You're a Sano now!" You've never seen him this happy before.

He then picks up the drawing you put in the time capsule,

A wedding reception. The Sano family, and all your friends surrounding the side. And in the middle?

You and Manjiro as bride and groom

#manjiro sano #manjiro sano x reader #mikey x reader #sano manjiro #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x you #tokyo revengers fluff #time capsule #sano mikey manjiro #mikey kun #sano manjiro x reader #manjiro x reader #manjiro x y/n #manjiro x you #proposal

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oursecretways · 4 months

Text

Is this what you call self-care?

Felix × Reader note(s): I am at the point where I feel like playing 72 hours of Stardew Valley is perfectly reasonable, so I hope u enjoy my first fanfic. Also, idk about you, but I feel like he would def enjoy some Zelda 😌… also, this isn't the longest fic out there, but it is a short story after all. Enjoy!☻ genre(s): fluff, silce of life word count: 1,795 warning(s): light cursing Just a chill day with Felix, while you’re trying to make progress with your uni work

masterlist

It was a regular Saturday for you, waking up at 6 AM and feeling your boyfriend's arm around you. After you turn your alarm off, you turn to look at him, smiling. His long, blond hair fell into his angelic face. It is so hard to not say fuck it and stay in bed with Felix, but you—with the smallest of movements to not wake him—get out of bed, making your way to the bathroom to get ready. After you get yourself into some comfy stay-at-home-and-study clothes, you brew yourself a cup of coffee with some coconut milk.

You've been researching for your midterm paper for a while now. It wasn't the worst topic, but selecting what's important and what isn't is where you were hopeless.

After restarting it for the hundredth time, you heard movements from your bedroom. You peeked out of the study/gaming room to see Felix's tired face, which filled your heart with warmth. "Good morning, love. How did you sleep?" He looked back at you while he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "I slept well until some gremlin left from next to me way too early this morning." A smile crept up his face, reaching out for your hand so he could pull you in for a hug. He kept you close with one hand, resting his face on your head while you hid in the crook of his neck. His sweet scent filling your nose. "How's your university work going?" you scrunch your face, not even wanting to think about the research and writing your essay. "Well, I read a lot, but I do not know where to begin or what things are the necessities to put into my paper." You felt yourself wanting to throw a tantrum like the 5-year-old who you are at heart. He kissed your forehead, then put his pinky out. "Okay, I have a trade offer; once you're halfway done, we can play on our farm together." Your eyes lit up. You've been pretty hooked on Stardew Valley for a while now, especially since the new update, and you got Felix to play with you on his days off. Sadly, they've been pretty busy with their comeback, so you couldn't hang out as much. He usually got home by the time you were asleep, and you went to class or to the library to learn before he woke up, since it was soon time for your final exams. You only have one year back from your university, and you don't want setbacks, so it is important to get a good grade. Your parents would be pleased as well since you flew to another city to learn specifically there, so you want to make them proud. You link your pinkies together to form an unbreakable promise. "Okay, but no distractions! If you want to play, please play in the living room; we both know I won't ever finish my assignment with you distracting me." He chuckles and nods his head in agreement. You happily made yourself another cup of coffee, then went back to the study to work on your task. You still cannot believe it that you somehow snagged such a perfect man: he is supportive, understands your concerns, and can always accept your compromises. He openly talks to you about how he feels and bravely tells you if something bothers or concerns him. You honestly can't believe these past couple years have been real.

You've made a bit of progress; it helped that you talked with your old dorm roommates—you moved in with Felix about half a year now; you two realized that it would be the easiest since you went over any given chance anyways. They gave some good suggestions. Once you caught up with each other, you four said your goodbyes, since all of you have a lot of work to get done by the end of this month. After some time, you smelled a sweet scent coming from the kitchen. The door opened before you could sneak out to have a peek. Felix brought in your favorite cookies; it was a mixture of his classic chocolate chip and your oatmeal cookies recipe. You two perfected it while he got some time off, and you didn't have school just yet. His brown eyes looked at you proudly behind the plate of cookies with milk in his other hand. "How's your progress, baby?" He bent down to give you a peck on the lips. You waited until he put the plate and the cup down, then patted the ground next to you, signaling for him to sit down. He didn't waste any seconds, and plopped right next to you, happy that he could sit beside his girlfriend. Felix didn't want to make you feel pressured; he just wants to spend as much time as possible with you before he has to go back to endless dance practice, content creation, etcetera. You both know he loves doing what he does, but it can get overwhelming sometimes. They got cussed out a lot for the smallest of things, getting bullied and going as far as getting death treats. He was grateful for being able to work his dream job, and he is also happy that you understand what this kind of life comes with.

Felix watched you type your thoughts out in your document and started to play with your hair, which made you relax instantly. You couldn't help but melt into his touch. You leaned onto his shoulder, feeling exhausted. "I am almost done with half of my assignment; I just need another page, but I feel like my brain cells are giving up on me." He chuckled, placing a kiss on your head. "You got this; I believe in you." He started giving kisses all around your face, which soothed your tired thoughts. Felix eventually kissed your lips; the kiss was sweet and made you feel like you're under the sun at the beginning of the spring. You reciprocated immediately, feeling as though time had stopped—no tasks, no school, no pressure—just you and him tangled together in a complete state of Nirvana. Before it could get heated, Lixie pulled away, holding you firmly, so he kept up his strenght to not distract you further. "Is it okay if I play Zelda while I lay in your lap?" You saw a hint of pink on his face, making you smile. "Well, I am close to finishing it, so why not? I don't think it can cause any harm." Felix got up excitedly to get his switch with his headphones. He laid down and got comfortable, then started playing his game. He has been quite into it lately. The game was beautiful, and there were a lot of things to do. The excitement in him got you into playing it, asking for his help in some harder situations.

When you got done with half of your paper, you looked down and saw a sleeping Felix with a gaming console on the ground next to him. He looked so peaceful like this: his pink lips parted, his eyelashes casting shadows on his face, and his freckles painting constellations onto his features. You can't help but start connecting the dots on his face with your fingers, making his eyes flutter as he awakens. "What are you doing, gorgeous?" You lean down to kiss him as a response. You feel like you're going to explode with all the feelings inside your chest. "I am done with half of my paper; I didn't want to wake you, sorry." You pout just a little, earning a smile as he reaches for your face to caress it. "That's my good girl. Are you ready for some farming time?" You nod, knowing that you're going to end up either playing until the sun gets up again or none at all and will end up cuddling in bed.

You two made some lunch and plopped down besides each other. Your desks have been set against one another, his PC taking up one desk while yours is cluttered by notes and books for your university courses; you just keep pushing it back each time you take your laptop out instead of organizing it. Felix tried to reason with you or help with that mess, but that's how you were, looking unorganized yet knowing exactly what is where, always on point. That's what your grades always reflect: perfect or almost perfect scores, even though you procrastinate until the last minute. He smiled to himself, knowing how he and the boys wished they had this superpower.

You put on your two's favorite chill playlist and booted up the game. We made a lot of progress, stopping to occasionally show physical affection for each other or taking a quick bathroom or snack break. I didn't even notice how the time flied until you looked down on your watch, seeing that it had passed five a.m. "Yongbok, we have a problem. Have you checked the time?" He has been so into the game that he almost looked up into the corner to see the in-game time, realizing that this might become a problem in the future. "Oh shit, I didn't notice when it got this late. I mean, I am going to be okay; I won't work for a couple of days now, but when do you need to send this assignment in?" he asked, knowing damn well that you have a habit of sending in your tasks with one minute left on the clock, giving him a scare. One time, Chan got to see your study progress and felt his soul leave his body. He still remembers how he and Han watched how their leader scolded you about your academics and your attitude towards your learning, painting a picture of an overworked father lecturing his rebellious daughter, who—no matter what she's doing—will always be his treasure. It never got said out loud, but you became the younger sister of the group, with all the older members looking out for your happiness and safety. And Felix isn't sure that if you two ever break up—which, let's face it, is highly unlikely—he wouldn't get the shorter stick and wouldn't get scolded.

Once you two saved and logged off for the day, got ready for bed, you snuggled close to each other leaving sweet kisses on one another, fighting the strong urge to sleep. When he heard your breathing change, he knew that you were fast asleep, what he waited for all along. It makes him happy and calm, knowing you are asleep. He pressed a light kiss on your forehead.

"Good night, my love," and with that, he dozed off to sleep as well.

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megan017 · 9 months

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Don't mind me just venting, after reading some JJK x readers and it's also past 1 AM so I am questioning my life pretty much. Pretty angsty, insecure, self confidence lacking vent.

🩵Randomly recommended song🩵

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Being single since the day you were born wasn't so great. Sure, until your late teenage years you thought you might be too young to date anyone. It wouldn't be real love after all. Just the typical young love that middle and high schoolers go through. You know, those relationships which end in a short period of time. However, as proud as you were that you were never included in these things... it was saddening being surrounded by people who were either in a relationship or had one.

You wanted to feel loved, also developed attachment issues, making it harder to make a difference between liking or loving someone, but it wasn't your fault anyways. Even if this issue gave you a hard time, making you desperate to be in a relationship finally, you had a type, you had standards which you never planned giving up on, right? You wanted to be happy with someone who hit these requirements, you weren't asking for much, were you?

Then why are you telling yourself that it is fine if they are not your type at all, they hit a few things you like in someone, that must be enough too, right?

Oh...

Maybe you do ask for a lot, no? After all, who are you to have the audacity to even think of having standards? Huh? Look at yourself...

What do you have to offer?

Have you ever thought of if these kind of people would even love you back? Oh please... Do you really think you hit their standards?

Don't be so self centered, you are not the only one who thinks the way you do.

Now go and lose some weight so you would have the ideal body.

Put some make up on to hide your ugly face, or at least make something else be the center of attention when they look you in the eye.

Have you looked at your nails? They look like you have never ever taken care of them. Maybe some press ons might help that.

I hope you remember that your face isn't the only thing ugly here. What a shame, look at that hip, those thighs and breast covered in white stretch marks. You know those are permanent, right?

Uhm... look at your grades... You can try telling yourself that "those don't reflect your real knowledge", but do you really believe it? You're so stupid. You really think you would have a chance with anyone this way?

Your looks changed so much. Almost looking completely like those annoying girls.

You are one of them, aren't you?

Well, not really. Fortunately.

However, even those kind of people you dislike, your current classmates, your ex-lassmates, even your bullies, one who is also known as your toxic ex-friend, has a partner.

Maybe, just maybe...

...you are the issue.

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Don't misunderstand me, I don't have problem with people who do make up, do their nails or do anything to make themselves feel prettier. Then I was talking about the annoying girl who do these, I meant I hate their personality. Their personality is what's rotten.

LOVE Y'ALL, MWAH!

I just go, continue listening to my vent playlist while crying, no sleep needed this night.

Geto x reader hurt/comfort coming soon, where again, I will just list my insecurities but he comes to the rescue and comforts the reader<33

-Megan🩵

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weirdmarioenemies · 9 months

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Name: Mr. Chicken

Debut: Rhythm Heaven Megamix

The year is unknown. The world as we know it is unrecognizable. Ocean now covers nearly all of the planet's surface, and the remaining landmasses jut sharply upward, connected only by brittle stone bridges, if anything. And yet, despite all this...

This chicken bought himself an electric car, and he's ready to take it for a ride!

Mr. Chicken is the star of Charging Chicken, which is a game of chicken! You know, like, trying to get as close as possible to something without going over? I don't actually know why that's called chicken. Hold on, I have to look something up.

Ah! It is called that because the original game of chicken involved two drivers driving right toward each other, where one or both must swerve away, or risk crashing. If only one swerves, that driver is the Chicken, in the "coward" sense of the word. I would not call avoiding a car crash cowardly, but I cannot speak for people who would intentionally drive toward each other in cars! This does not help the reputation of the humble chicken.

Thankfully, Mr. Chicken is not driving into head-on traffic. Unfortunately, he is driving toward a landmass only a few feet wide, with a drop straight down into the ocean on the other side. Why is he doing this? Is he stupid? Yeah, I think so.

I don't know if Mr. Chicken is a terrible driver, his car is terribly designed, or both! The moment it finishes charging, it immediately zooms straight at full speed, so either it drives recklessly on its own until it runs out of fuel, or this chicken has the gas pedal slammed down to the floor at ALL times. I would not put it past him.

All this is bad enough, and that's without even mentioning that chickens barely have any depth perception! That's why they (and other prey birds) bob their heads while they walk- the things that they see will appear to move at different speeds depending on how far from the eyes they are! Delightfully, Mr. Chicken DOES indeed bob his head rapidly while driving, so at least he's trying, I guess. But if there is anything you take from this post, I hope it is that a chicken would not be good at driving a car.

Nevertheless, THIS chicken has his driver's license, somehow. And we get to hear his own thoughts about it!

"I've been driving for almost three years now. I get pulled over all the time, and I keep expecting a police officer to comment on my license picture--I look so good!"

I am happy he is proud of his photo. I'm sure it looks great, I always love looking at a photo of a chicken. I even included one in this post! They are so fun to look at. But getting pulled over all the time? I am disappointed in him! I don't feel comfortable with such a reckless driver on the road! If only he would change his ways, but that is surely too much to expect...

"When my safe driving record got me the gold driver's license, I asked if I could keep my same picture. It's such a cute picture of me!"

Wow! He changed his ways, despite me not having faith in him! It turns out even a digital chicken has the capacity to change. I am proud of him! This is now a chicken who all drivers should aspire to be like, in terms of both safety and self-love!

The non-Japanese versions of the game feature this, quite frankly, sick mural of Mr. Chicken and his car at the end of Machine Remix! I don't think this is his own garage, since there is a whole Car Guy character that this stage is hosted by, so maybe he's a beloved customer, and became a sort of mascot. He probably crashes enough cars to keep a repair shop in business!

There is even more to Mr. Chicken but I don't feel like writing anymore! Check out this official comic if you want to see some rooster heterosexuality.

#mr. chicken #mr chicken #charging chicken #rhythm heaven #rhythm heaven megamix #not mario #mod chikako #funky friday

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thecurioustale · 4 months

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My New Book Is Out! | Tokens of Zeal

My new book is out!

Buy it! Buy it now!

That's right: In secret, on January 2 of this year I began writing a book of essays. Some of you may know that I have an online journal, which I created in the summer of 2003 when I was just 21 years old and have kept up with ever since. For my new book I went back to the journal and read through it, entry by entry, drawing out excerpts of interest that became conversation pieces for 81 various and sundry essays reflecting on my past life and past thoughts.

The essays are short, often very short. They are less challenging than my usual writing, I would say. My purpose was not to advance my personal frontier of philosophy and intellectual thought in 2024, or to reach a niche audience of deep thinkers, but instead to reflect sincerely on some things I've seen along the way and muse upon how my thoughts have changed and stayed the same over twenty years.

I mention this to you because I am a bit worried that anyone who reads this book might think there's not much to me as an author, and might be dissuaded from reading my works of fiction when those books eventually come out, so I'll lampshade that by adding that I wrote this book in two-and-a-half months. Make of that what you will. I told myself I wouldn't self-sabotage the book by needlessly saying negative things about it, and I am proud of it, not only the fact that I finished it at all, let alone so quickly, but of the actual contents too.

This book is "Volume 1" in a hypothetical series, as it doesn't cover the entire twenty years of the journal but only the first four months, from August to November of 2003—at which point the essays had reached "book length" (lol). So really this book is a snapshot of my life in the latter half of 2003. At that time, I was fading out of college due to financial hardship and other issues, and did not realize that I would never (as yet) return.

I have been wanting for years to go back and reread my journal, and writing a book out of it was the perfect impetus to finally do it. I think a few things stand out about the Josh of 2023:

First, my principles have remained remarkably consistent, but my awareness and understanding of the world has grown drastically, and so those same principles have led me over time to some different policy views and worldviews on some things.

Second, I was a 21-year-old arrogant block of cheese, full of hormones and self-conviction, and that definitely shows up at times in ways that I simultaneously am not proud of and yet which I admire for their sheer gall. There is something very magnetic about the old me which doesn't exist anymore.

Third, following up on that point, it was pretty inspiring and encouraging to revisit the old me, with all that native optimism and drive. I don't express those qualities anymore because life has worn me down and also because I have come to recognize that humanity's problems are a lot more stubborn and irremediable than I thought. By glimpsing into the past, I couldn't help but be cheered on by the old Josh's proud, utopian sense of human inevitability. It lifted my own spirits in the here and now!

I made the mistake of announcing the book on Patreon right after I finished writing it, i.e. back in mid-March. Then I had to wring my hands every week about how post-production was taking longer than expected. Between the irritating realities of formatting a book in software not properly equipped to format a book (never write a book in Google Docs), the complexities of my detail-oriented manner and strong vision regarding the cover design (and engaging for the first time ever with modern generative AI, and having to learn those ropes), and sustaining illnesses and other life priorities and so on, it would take me another two months in all to finally reach today, where I can now publicly declare:

The book is done! It is for sale right now. It is called:

Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age

(Caption: Book front cover of Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age, by Joshua Calars.)

You can buy it through Amazon in either paperback or e-book format. (I recommend the paperback version for aesthetics as it is much truer to my design vision for the book's layout and appearance, but my profit margin is actually a dollar bigger with the e-book version, so really just go with whichever version you prefer.) It is available in the US as well as in basically all the other countries that Amazon has expanded its publishing service into. If you need help finding a link to a particular version, give me a ping and I will point you there (if there is a "there" to be pointed to). This is my second published book, following Prelude to After The Hero in 2015, and the first book to be published in print.

If you do read it, first of all thank you! It's an honor that you would take the time. Second of all, I would love any feedback you care to offer. That's not a platitude either; feedback is hard to come by and I really would be interested in anything you have to say, good or bad. You can e-mail me, DM, reblog this, drop an ask, or tag me in an independent post. Whatever you like! Feedback will help me greatly when I eventually get around to writing Volume 2. And feel free to leave a review on Amazon, whether good or bad (though hopefully you enjoy the book); I am told it pleases The Algorithm. But most of all, if you enjoy the book, tell someone about it! Your word-of-mouth is currently 100 percent of my advertising budget, lol.

That's all. I wrote a book; it took four-and-a-half-months; it's done now; and it's the first time I've ever gotten to hold a book that I wrote in my hands as a physical thing, and that's pretty neat.

#Tokens of Zeal: Words from a Vanished Age #New books #Self-publishing #Shameless author self-promotion #Joshua Calars #I am trying on “Joshua Calars” as my new pen name with this book #“The Sinistral” that I used with the Prelude to ATH didn't quite sit right with me #“Calars” is a word in Relance that refers to sunset #They/he are my pronouns; “they” is what I prefer but I won't get mad at you for “he”

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all-seems-no-well · 27 days

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"Testing...Hello? Can you hear me?..."

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-Hello. AHEM... Regarding the past events of "Kalloway Kindergarten" , We have decided to hear from the victims 20 years later to get a better insight on what really happened. The following paragraphs will be from our latest interviews with each, separate person. - These will be repeated from what our subjects had said to the interviewers. - Sadly, some people hadn't come to the interview. So please bear with us on this unfortunate mishap. Thank you for listening, Thank you for your patience, and thank you for coming.

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-Subject no. 1 (???)

"Subject number one was unable to make it today.

-Subject no. 2 (Lilith (Lily) Prescott.)

"Slow and painful it was. At least, that's how it felt for me. But I can't imagine the more brutal things my brother had to go through. He was missing for a while, and...Nobody knew where he went. Until that very day, I and...someone else, had found him...... Under the school. The principal was doing experiments on him. It was all so... horrific. Too horrific for a child to see... If I could go back in time and give my younger self a hug, I wouldn't think twice. As for my brother, I would've done the same, even at the time. I wish In that moment I could've told him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me... But now I can't..."

-Subject no. 3 (???)

"Subject number three was unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 4 (Jerome Kennedy.)

"Hearing about the awful stuff my dad did after he died, broke me as a kid. If I had known what he was doing before, I would've told someone before it got so bad... Sometimes I still blame myself for everything that happened. I know I shouldn't, but he was MY dad. I can't get over it."

-Subject no. 5 (Buggs V. Mallory.)

"Shit sucked. Those other kids were awful to me. And yeahhh, I may or may not have been awful to them back. But YOU would be a dick too if YOU were constantly bullied! Oh, right...that... Well, I wasn't really a part of the whole thing. All I know is one day our principal died, and then another day our other principal died. A lot of principals died that week, man. So uh. I don't know.

-Subject no. 6 (Cynthia (Cindy) Louelle.)

"Okay, well. Kindergarten was kinda blehh... y'know? I met some decent people there, I guess. But I also met the most rudest girl in the world! Ugh... But yeah, like, I didn't really care about the whole "principal experimenting on us" jig. It was kinda just stupid... and annoying.... And I honestly don't even recall half of the teachers there, sooo...."

-Subject no. 7 (Monty Hyde.)

"I lost a lot at that damn school. I mean seriously, they didn't think to fire the janitor after day two?! I lost my legs because of him! And now I've just been stuck with these unflattering girl legs. But y'know what? Kindergarten was pretty fun at times. Cause' I was a little shit, and all the teachers knew it. I was even smarter than the science teacher, which says a lot about how smart I am now as an adult! ....are you recording this? Yeah? Good. YOU HEAR THAT DR. DANNER?! I'M BETTER NOW. IM A SUCCESSFUL MILLIONAIRE, AND WHERE ARE YOU? PROBABLY IN A RETIREMENT HOME...... Uh- Thank you for having me here..."

-Subject no. 8 (Felix K. Huxley.)

"I say... Kindergarten was certainly quite the experience. Younger me would've said it was horrible, but now that I've matured I see just how dramatic I was being. Though, there were some things I did that....I'm not quite proud of.... But! That aside, the experience looking back at it was quite swell. If not for that place, I wouldn't have met my lovely Cynthia...or what's his face- uh- Monty!... He's helped me a lot with my business, and I tip my metaphorical and imaginary hat to him."

-Subject no 9. (Theodore (Ted) K. Huxley)

"I believe they should've had much better funding, and staff. Because that place was just...awful. The teachers obviously despised their jobs, and the bathrooms... Oh the bathrooms were foul...! And even thinking about Kindergarten brings back horrible memories of what my brothe- actually nevermind... But anyway, thinking about the pain and suffering those poor students before me must've gone through...it makes me sick to my stomach. They could've done so much better for the students and the school itself."

-Subject no. 10 (???)

"Subject number ten was unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 11 (???)

"Subject number eleven was also unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 12 (Ozzy Harrison.)

"I don't have any good memories of that place. Not one. I'm sorry, but I don't even wanna talk about it anymore..."

-Subject no. 13 (Madison Bonneau.)

"It was like one second I was at recess, and then another I was in some sci-fi looking lab! But me and my friends got saved by some randos, so all was well after that I think! But in all seriousness, that mean lady got what she deserved. I'm glad nobody has to put up with her ever again... oh, oh! And also there was a girl there when it happened...and her head freakin' exploded!! I couldn't sleep for days because of the sight!"

-Subject no. 14 (Alison (Alice) M. Claire.)

"I heard Madi from the other room... I am incredibly sorry about her... excitement? She's never been interviewed before, and quite frankly, neither have i- o-oh, yes...my apologies... The whole situation had really put a negative toll on my well-being. I was scared to go back to school, I had a hard time trusting people, and I was overall terrified of everyone and everything around me. It felt like a bunch of eyes had been laid upon my person, and hands were out to hurt me at any moment. I and my friends were kidnapped by the other school's principal, and to say it was traumatizing would be an understatement..."

-Subject no. 15 (Ronaldo (Ron) Duncan.)

"hey do you have any cheese? No? Okay.. Well anyway. What I remember is like.. kinda crazy. So bear with me. I was just on the playground, swinging on the swings, okay? And then suddenly IM KNOCKED OUT, LIKE BLAM! And then, I woke up in some bunker with a bunch of sciencey stuff in it. And I'm like floating around in this giant tube thingy, right? And then these kids come into the bunker and they're like "well save you!!" And then the evil principle lady turns me into a monster and I'm all like "blehghh" and my friends are also like "blehghh." BUT THEN the principal lady also turns into a giant, ugly monster!! And then the kids kill her like superheroes. True story."

-Subject no 16 and 18 (???)

"These two subjects were unable to come in today due to their own plans together."

-Subject no. 17 (Austin Scarrow)

"I don't actually CARE about the stuff that happened in kindergarten! That stuff was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter to me anymore..."

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"By listening to our subject's stories, We hope you know how much this means to them, finally being able to speak up about their own experiences from the tragedy. These people are powerful, and strong, and we wish nothing but the best for them."

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"...Jesus...these kids are gonna make me a killing. I've got to get in contact with those other subjects... If I don't, this whole jig is gonna go out of business..."

#kindergarten game #kindergarten #kindergarten au #all seems no well

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heliza24 · 1 year

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Wilhelm closing the curtains

I know people have varying opinions on the moment when Wilhelm closes the curtains in 2.5, but to me it’s always felt really special, in a way that goes beyond a reaction to past trauma. There is something about that action that feels really sacred to me, but I was struggling to articulate what until I started talking with @bluedalahorse about it. She said something so great that it sparked a bunch of ideas in my head: what if we thought about Hillerska, not just as a school deeply entrenched in the class system, but as a panopticon?

A panopticon is “a disciplinary concept brought to life in the form of a central observation tower placed within a circle of prison cells. From the tower, a guard can see every cell and inmate but the inmates can't see into the tower. Prisoners will never know whether or not they are being watched.” Basically, it’s a conceptual prison where because you could be observed at any moment, you behave as if you are always being observed.

Now obviously Hillerska isn’t a literal prison; this is a metaphor more than anything. But I think it’s a useful way of examining the dynamics in the school. Because the adults at Hillerska aren’t the only ones enforcing upper class values and hierarchy. The students are also policing each other as well. That means that any student could be observed “breaking the rules” established for upper class kids at any time. An important part of the unspoken rules you agree to at Hillerska are to follow the traditions set out for you, and to keep the authentic, vulnerable version of yourself hidden. It’s very important that you only show vulnerability in sanctioned ways, and to the correct people.

There are a lot of tangible ways this system of self-policing manifests. There’s the “get on the table” tradition, which allows the Forest Ridge boys to monitor each other’s hookups to make sure that everyone is picking appropriate partners. There’s the pledge that August makes Wilhelm take after his initiation, to “never betray the proud traditions of Forest Ridge House”. And there’s the system of prefects, where one student is elected to explicitly control and discipline the other students.

I would say that the royal family and the court operate in much the same way. The members of the royal family are always policing each other for good behavior, and the apparatus of the court and the royal staff works to cover up any deviant acts and reinforce the status quo. The royal family is always being observed by the public and the media, so they are always careful to act with propriety. So between the palace and Hillerska, Wilhelm has lived his whole life being observed. He’s never been free of the panopticon.

Thinking about Hillerska in this way can really help us understand August’s actions in season 1. When August records and posts the video, he’s acting in the way that he’s been trained to do. Wilhelm has broken the rules in a few ways: by having sex with another boy, by falling in love outside of his class, and maybe most importantly, by being intimate with someone who lives largely outside of the panopticon and can therefore not be controlled by it. As Nils tells us in season 2, the rules about who you can be intimate with are very image-dependent. You can have gay sex as long as the person you’re sleeping with will be discreet. But Simon is an outsider. His ties to his family and Marieberg mean that he’s immune to the Hillerska panopticon in a lot of ways. So it makes total sense that August would act almost without thinking (he’s intoxicated when he records the video) to reinforce the rules and punish Wilhelm for stepping out of line like this.

To return to the royal family for a minute, I am continuously fascinated by the way that Kristina reacts to Wilhelm threatening to post on social media that he is stepping down as Crown Prince. The most powerful threat that Wilhelm can make is to remove the power of his immediate observers (the royal family and of the court) by exposing his true self to the general public. The panopticon relies on your close circle observing and controlling you, but as soon as you reveal your authentic self publicly, the power of that circle disappears. When Kristina tells Wilhelm “you have to realize that there will be reactions when you threaten us” in 2.2, she basically draws a line between Wilhelm the Person and Wilhelm the Prince. Wilhelm the Person was threatening Wilhelm the Prince, and by extension the whole royal family and circle of observation.

Because of that I think it’s important to remember that Kristina leverages therapy not as a genuine solution for Wilhelm’s mental health struggles, but as a tool of the panopticon. Therapy is supposed to teach Wilhelm how to better control and suppress his emotions, so that he can act more controlled while he is being observed. I know some people like to speculate that Erik was also struggling under the weight of the crown before his death, and that may be true. But I also think it’s important to recognize that Erik was using coping skills that were explicitly approved by the panopticon system. Wilhelm never knew he went to therapy, which meant he was likely using it as Kristina intended, as a way to help him maintain a perfect princely image. He was having hookups with sex workers, who could certainly be controlled and paid off enough to ensure that they never threatened his image. And he was (at least) casually drinking, a form of self medicating that might be seen as more acceptable by his family and the court than relying on actual pharmaceuticals. (There’s certainly a longer tradition of princes and kings drinking than taking antidepressants). I think that if Erik had lived, he would be sympathetic to Wilhelm’s plight. But I also think that he would have encouraged Wilhelm to deal with his problems through officially sanctioned methods, which ultimately wouldn’t have been enough to help Wilhelm.

So now let’s finally return to the window and the curtain. The idea of a window through which the prisoner is observed is crucial to the concept of the panopticon, and I think it’s really interesting to contrast the way that August and Wilhelm react to it. August takes the call from the palace, where Jan-Olaf maps out his future to him, standing naked in front of the window. August is comfortable with this system of observation and control; he’s consenting to Jan-Olaf’s demands without argument and is unafraid to be seen while doing so. He’s a part of and protected by the system, so it doesn’t matter if anyone sees him.

When Wilhelm closes the curtain for him and Simon though, he’s effectively taking himself out of the panopticon. He’s taking away the pressures that come with being observed and freeing them both to behave genuinely. I think that’s a really big deal for Wilhelm, who was raised in the royal system of control and is now living in the social hierarchy of Hillerska. As much as closing the curtains is a reaction to what August did, it’s also a revolutionary act. Claiming privacy in that way is a really big step in Wilhelm’s journey, and I think it’s something he had to do first before he was ready to publicly claim his queerness and relationship with Simon at the end of Season 2.

#young royals #my meta #wilhelm young royals #prince wilhelm #august horn #august young royals #how many times can I say the word panopticon before it loses all meaning

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donnerpartyofone · 3 months

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Hello, Sqwincher Zero and I are here to tell you to take this heat wave seriously. I had never heard of Sqwincher Zero before I took this picture with the intention of making fun of its name, but I sure wished I had some later that night. I will not invite you to scrutinize the series of bad decisions that I made yesterday leading up to a serious and avoidable medical emergency, but suffice it to say that none of these decisions were extreme or unusual for a fun grownup weekend. If anything I dialed it back a little, consciously, and I believed I was drinking plenty of water. It wasn't enough. I was feeling fine until I suddenly wasn't. My awareness of being Severely Dehydrated came on very quickly and then the next few hours were a scary nightmare. I am OK this morning and reviewing certain life choices and also our state of emergency preparedness.

I'm an extremely fortunate person. I have access to clean water, good food, and an amazing person who I tricked into marrying me, so someone is there to help me when I can't help myself. I am also in reasonably good health--which perhaps helped lull me into a false sense of security, especially at an age when my health is inevitably, normally changing, but I just haven't been paying that much attention to it.

Last night when things suddenly became very dark, I was struck with the intense and undeniable awareness that I needed emergency intervention. Like I should have called 911. I knew it for a fact. I have never experienced such a thing before. I could not get past the mental block of admitting that I was having an unprecedented physical crisis. Telling my husband to call 911 just seemed too radical. But I thought about it for hours. I even had a whole fantasy like, OK if my husband called 911 what would they ask him? What would they tell him to do? Instead of acting on this I just gave him little instructions one at a time. Let's draw a cold bath, let's move the fan, let's get a bucket, let's get a couple bottles of water, refill them now please. I was thinking very clearly, I was thinking about my temperature, I was monitoring my water intake versus how often I got sick. The one respect in which I was being irrational (besides my series of careless decisions during the day) was that I could not admit that I needed a doctor.

It's really easy to say things like "Don't be a tough guy, take care of yourself," as if the problem is strictly attitudinal. But switching gears into (for lack of a better term) self-care can be extremely psychologically complex. Being macho or too proud is one thing. Being habitually, neurotically afraid to frighten or inconvenience other people, or ashamed of drawing attention to yourself, is another thing. Being self-destructive and passively suicidal is yet another thing, with deep and insidious roots that can affect more things about your behavior than you even know. And finally, acknowledging that you are experiencing the paradigm shift of a Real Emergency, which might require scary and expensive and unpredictable new activities to get you out of it, is a whole other thing entirely. This is going to sound like an exaggerated reference point but whenever a serial killer is caught and people start saying that the spouse "must have known", they're not factoring in how hard it is to accept that your whole reality is changing and everything is very serious now. Even if the evidence was glaring, it would be a lot to process. There's even a thing in the book Interview With the Vampire as I recall, where somebody says it has been no big deal for vampires to hide their existence through the ages because humans will do extreme mental gymnastics to convince themselves that everything is normal. This all is more or less what was happening with me while I was refusing to call 911. I mean I knew that I should, I just couldn't make the leap.

I should say that my poor husband had no idea how bad it was. To him it just seemed like I'd had a little too much fun, and he was being patient and attentive. None of this is on him, I didn't explain things until I was out of the woods. One thing I feel bad about, that I rarely think about even though it's majorly true, is that not taking care of yourself can frequently, inevitably become someone else's problem. It cannot always stay private and contained forever; if you are incapacitated somehow, you will become someone else's chore.

I want to repeat that I didn't do anything that a normal adult wouldn't do on a Friday night. None of my actions were that extreme in and of themselves; I didn't even have alcohol in my system anymore by the time this struck. But I was not factoring in the weather, or my age, or anything like that that would have been important. We don't have an air conditioner at the moment because we have been luxuriating in our new well-ventilated apartment and enjoying the fact that we can survive with just box fans. I radically underestimated the potential consequences of just toughing it out and going about my business. I need to think more carefully about such things, and mentally reorient myself on preparing for emergencies instead of just reacting "if anything comes up". And I should also supplement our first aid supplies with something that isn't just for cuts and colds. I'm lucky I had cold, clean water, but at some point I really needed electrolytes and vitamins, and there was just nothing to be done for it late at night. I have a lot more thinking to do on this general topic, but it's time for me to get up and drink more water. And maybe go buy some Sqwincher Zero.

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underdark-dreams · 1 year

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Hello! I would first like to thank you for getting me into the Rolan boat, this arrogant emotionally-constipated (affectionate) wizard has taken over my mind and he is all I think about now.

That being said, I was wondering if you would be able to do a rolan x tav like a few years or even a decade into their relationship? Does settling into Sorcerous Sundries and becoming a better mage make Rolan softer? How is he connecting with the rest of the magic community (I am personallya Rolan and Gale rare books reading club supporter) What would be some of the major long term disagreements in their relationship and how do you think they would work through it? What would this man's ideal 'happily ever after' look like?

Thank you so much!

This was great food for thought! 🖤 Thank you so much!

I kind of want to work on future Rolan x Tav as its own little standalone fic, because that idea is so sweet—but here are some headcanons on that & all these other what-ifs. Apologies that they're a bit jumbled, I can't concentrate when Rolan

Rolan loves his tower! He definitely feels the weight and responsibility of being the new steward for all this collected research and knowledge. But he also loves that he can go through his books and satisfy his curiosity whenever he wants, after so long yearning for someone to teach him and nurture his magic. He learns to do that for himself

I think the big thing that will soften and kind of humble him over the years will be once he accepts that personal growth will never stop. There is not a mystical point X where he could stand and say, did it, I have reached the pinnacle of archwizardry. He learns how to stop rushing forward and enjoy other things in life, most of all his relationship with Tav.

Once all the Absolute business is finally settled, Rolan will definitely want to lock that down. It doesn't need to be a legal marriage per se, but he is extremely committed to the relationship & wants the same from them. If he had his way Tav would have moved in yesterday. He's ready to wake up next to them for the rest of his life. Buys a house in the city right beside his old place where Lia and Cal still live & can't wait to merge his found family with his new family. His happily ever after is being surrounded by the people he loves and watching them thrive, especially when it's because of him. Having the capacity to care for Tav and Cal and Lia makes him incredibly fulfilled.

Some big potential sources of conflict in his and Tav's relationship:

Jealousy and insecurity. Rolan has some deep abandonment issues from his past, so if he ever felt like Tav was straying emotionally or making him jealous on purpose, that would really hurt his trust. Deep down he needs to know they love him, and hear it once a day preferably

Control issues/willfulness. Older brother mode activated. Rolan likes to do things his way and is very stubborn and proud about conceding to others. He does see Tav more as his equal, unlike his little siblings, but it's hard for him to translate that into actions. There will be a lot of fights over any big decisions where he & Tav disagree. Part of working through it would probably mean Rolan confronting why he needs to control things so badly (growing up without much control over anything in his life maybe? Hmm). He would genuinely benefit from therapy & from learning how to translate all his feelings into constructive words. Being with someone who would stand up to him would really benefit Rolan in the long run, though.

In the magical community: He's got a reputation as a rebel amongst the wizarding community, because 1) he's very much self-taught which is pretty unusual, and 2) not everyone approves of how freely he hands out information about the Weave, casting, etc to the curious younglings who visit his tower. Of course he'd never let anyone get into anything too powerful unsupervised, but after his experience with Lorroakan and realizing that this famed so-called archmage was actually just an idiot who stole everything from more powerful mages, he's like. The strict apprentice system can kinda get fucked honestly. He just doesn't agree that the basics of magic should be kept behind lock and key. Becomes a sort of magical literacy advocate. Let the children read

You might be surprised at how patient this man can be with children by the way! Lots of little magical prodigies hanging around Master Rolan's tower whenever he lets them. He'll kind of scowl to intimidate them into behaving themselves, but inside he loves to see curious minds reading and learning. As a primarily self-taught wizard, he also has an excellent grasp of pedagogy and how to describe concepts in a way a beginner would understand. He puts together his own beginner's magical textbook over the years. Holding the first printed copy in his hands is probably one of the proudest moments of career

To Rolan, Gale's reputation definitely precedes him at first—even before the events at the Grove he knew the name Gale of Waterdeep. Rolan is younger and admires Gale's skill a lot, so in the beginning of their professional relationship he's a bit intimidated. But you know Gale, he is friendly and endearing from the get go. Rolan often thinks if he'd had a teacher like Gale in his youth, he could have nurtured his magical skills much earlier.

Definitely, definitely also subscribe to the Rolan/Gale book club! They become kindred spirits in that regard over the years. Gale makes a visit to Rolan's tower to inform him of this fascinating manuscript that has just surfaced in Evereska, and Rolan is like "Really? I thought the Fae destroyed that centuries ago…" and the two of them just sort of wander off in conversation. Not to reappear for hours. Probably plotting like naughty children over a bottle of wine about how they are going to get their hands on the Ancient Forbidden Book without Tav finding out

#rolan x tav #rolan bg3 #bg3 rolan #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 headcanons #bg3 spoilers

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tgrailwar-zero · 2 months

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Perhaps once we’re fully on our feet we can join you in jolly co-operation in fighting the foe that has taken over the Moon Cell.

SLAYER: "That's the hope! That Titan that took everything- that Titan that wished to destroy humanity! We're the only ones standing in it's way!"

KEEPER: "We won't ask you to do anything you don't want to, but your help would be appreciated."

SLAYER: "Ahaha! And-- this Solar Cell is a secure box. It can bang on the 'outside' for eons if it wants, it's not getting through. Which gives us plenty of time to prepare and come up with a perfect plan. We were each summoned for a reason. That's right! You must have come for a reason! More allies, willing to go into the fray and join us in saving Humanity!"

PRIESTESS: "…Once the core of the Solar Cell gathers enough power, then we can begin our assault. It'll be far from 'jolly', our adversary carved through true Divine Spirits from the Age of Gods. Just thinking about fighting it gives me the chills, bringing back horrible memories…"

PRIESTESS: "But we can't afford to be cowardly! If something has to be done, then we'll have to do it!"

SLAYER: "Hear, hear! We ride in ready to die, and thus we shall prosper! Ahahahahahaha!"

KEEPER: "Hah, look at you, matching Slayer's energy. Well, not exactly, she's still a few notches higher. Still... I like this, it's better than your usual gloomy self. Maybe you really are feeling a bit more hope?"

PRIESTESS: "Maybe you're right, either way… I can't waver. I am of a unique body, but I was summoned with this strange Saint Graph for a reason. And if that means laying down some dragon-fox wrath, then so be it!"

PRIESTESS: "We'll show that Umbral Star the might of the Sun!"

...

You felt a shudder.

At this point, you knew the rest.

War, fire, death. It was as if not to torture your brain with irony for much longer, your mind mentally began fast forwarding through everything else. There wasn't any changing the past, after all.

At some point, you recalled that you had slain the Slayer.

...Your fractured memory told you that it wasn't easy.

You recalled the moment of your 'end'. Where you had been cast away, and sealed.

The last time you had recalled this moment, it had been more twisted. More horrifying, more monstrous, more viscous. A beast, clad in shadow, mechanically slaughtering you and casting you into the abyss.

Now, the memory was clearer.

Powerful magic coalescing, a sealing spell beyond compare. The Priestess of the Sun had her hands raised, her expression bitter and filled with betrayal and contempt. A goddess that had seen tragedy, and now was more than willing to enact divine retribution.

A voice screaming. Hoarse.

"For what reason… for what purpose?!" "Show me, tell me, do something! Please!" "Why did you destroy my world…? Why did you crush my dream…? We could have saved everything! Avenged everyone! And now... and now it's gone! Are you happy?! Are you proud?! The war is over before it even began!"

"I'll… I'll curse you! For a thousand years, I'll curse you! May you and your sins burn for a thousand, thousand eternities!"

She brought down her hands with rage, the might of a wrathful god slamming down on you and pushing you deeper and deeper into darkness.

Deeper and deeper.

Blacker and blacker.

Dark, for so long.

You felt your hands let go of the teabowl. Not even a second had passed, it seemed.

The sweet taste ended bittersweet in your mouth. Still, it felt a bit like a jolt. It'd be easy to stay in that memory forever, but waking up was the important part- as hard as it was, sometimes.

RIKYU: "..."

RIKYU: "I see."

#main post #thgw story #endless whispers #thgw: chapter 6 #thgw: chapter 6.5

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pbpsbff · 5 months

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happy 1 year of r&r :)

i know it's a lil cringe to like. celebrate the birthday of a series on ao3 but r&r is literally my child. my baby. i birthed this series. and you all signed up for this when u started reading my fics thank u

soooooooo thank u guys for all the support i've received over r&r i know it's hard to stay a consistent reader when my posting schedule is entirely non existent but i am so grateful for everyone who's stuck around this long and been with me for this journey (calling it a journey because a year ago i did not have any sort of overarching plot in mind and now we're 17? 18? fics deep and so many things have happened and i'm usually just as surprised as my readers) it's rlly u guys that have kept me going this long

ANYWAY. i rewrote this like 500 times cause i hate being like. overly sappy on this account because it's way funnier to act like a celebrity with a huge ego, but real talk i am so proud of everything i've done w this series & what it's become in the past year

i've been posting my writing online since i was like 10, so we're going on almost 9 years now and i don't think i've ever ever ever received as much support for something as i have for r&r and something about that is soooo special to me??? idk it's just so nice to see a completely self indulgent series become so loved by others, especially since the only other fics i had up before gmm&m were a little more on the "i'm gonna write what seems popular right now" side???

like shoutout to everyone who was here before/around when i started the series because my account was so empty like. 2 fics and one gets updated every 6 months. r&r pulled me out of the trench i fear. it also cured me of my very horrible disease that makes me delete all my fics after 9 months and then completely disappear from a fandom so everyone say thank you r&r

but yeah idk where i'm going with this i'm very grateful for r&r and all the friends i've made and people i've met through it because i was very lonely before i rejoined tumblr and r&r was like. 90% of the reason i made my account

AND SPEAKING OF FRIENDS. thank u to

@spidergrotto & @sapoteylx for being the first ppl i met on here to openly talk about and support r&r which i thought was so so cool even if you guys have become my haters in the past few months i've known you :/ thank u r&r nation u keep me humble and miserable (and i am very thankful for our friendship i think some aspects of r&r would be very different if we'd never met)

& ao3 user classactical because you've been here since like. a month or two into the series i think and i always always always look forward to your comments because i feel like if you comment, i did a good job on the fic LOL thank u for sticking around for so long, even if ao3 has been actively working against you for a whiiiiile

there's a lot more i want to say and a lot of people i want to mention but that would take a very long time and i always feel weird tagging a lot of people in posts so just know if u read r&r we are kissing rn. or high fiving idk whatever floats ur boat i guess

but yeah anyway tl:dr happy birthday r&r i'm very proud of this series & very thankful for everyone who has read any part of it ever u guys are so cool and hot and have amazing taste and i'm taking your kudos and bookmarks etc. as you swearing your allegiance to me and promising me your undying support no matter what (legally binding btw) thank u guys

#r&r tease #ough i cannot believe r&r is a year old #happy birthday r&r you are my favorite child #gonna go post that fic now #or in like 10 minutes #idk i haven't edited anything #stay tuned

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imminent-danger-came · 4 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/acoraxia/751189590385328128/i-do-want-to-like-macaque-but-the-way-the-only?source=share

I feel like this post is wrong, and not just bc I love macaque, just the shadowpeach relationship and the parallels they provide to other relationships and macaque parallels to other characters feels like such a vital part to lmk as a whole. But I'm not good at words, so asking for your imput

I don't want to, like, "gossip" behind anyone's back or anything, so I'll open this up to a discussion with @acoraxia! Hello, how are you, I hope you're having a good day.

(Here's the post if others are interested in readin' it!)

Now, I love Macaque, and I think he's one of the most important characters in the show. I presume "theater kid antics" is referring to Macaque's dramatic nature, but I'd hardly call that his defining characteristic. Macaque is a loser: he's spiteful, he's selfish, he's cowardly, he's paranoid, he's god awful at communication, he's obsessive (particularly over Wukong)...but we've also seen the ways he can put the world/others above himself (3x13, 3x14, 4x10, 4x14), and how he's capable of self-reflection and overcoming his past hurt/hatred ("Wukong was on a path of self-destruction...we all were"). We're, dare I say, at a point now where I'd even call Macaque reliable, in his own way. He'll show up for MK & Wukong, he'll "stick his neck out" for them, and I'm honestly so proud that he chose to stay till the end in 4x14 (versus his choice to run in 3x10). It's wild to me that he's the only 3 of the monkeys who has actually had a positive character arc, but that's just where we're at currently.

I think the claim that you could "remove him from the story and it wouldn’t change much" is greatly downplaying Macaque's role and importance to Wukong, both narratively/thematically and as a character. DBK and Wukong weren't close, but for Macaque, Wukong was his entire world. He (along with Wukong's fear of mortality) was the reason the great Monkey King reached for power in the first place. Both DBK and Azure had their own goals outside of Wukong (not that DBK particularly cared for SWK anyways)—what's important about Macaque as a character is that his motivation and loyalty was only for Wukong, and not towards any greater purpose or goal. Macaque and MK are very similar in that way: neither of them have lofty aspirations, and they are completely content with "quitting while they're ahead" ("Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be" ; "You're the one who wouldn't quit while we were ahead!"). Both hate change, and both have been hurt by their belief in Wukong.

I'm admittedly a bit...I guess confused, by this opinion, as entire episodes (1x09, 2x07, 3x04, 4x10, 4x11) are centered around Macaque and his relationship to both Wukong and MK. Macaque is there to show us the ways in which Wukong has both abandoned and hurt the ones he loves; he's a very important foil to both MK and Mei, as well as other characters like Azure. That's Monkie Kid's main theme right, the fact that you'll hurt your loved ones and they'll hurt you, but you love and care about them anyways (I have a whole tag around lmk's hurt/pain theme, for those interested).

Let's look at a few examples of this, particularly involving Macaque, Wukong, Mei, and MK:

Macaque: "Come on! Show me the real Sun Wukong! The old you would have leveled this whole mountain range to stop me, but you're scared of hurting some kid? Pathetic!"

(1x09 Macaque)

Sun Wukong: "STOP! If you hurt that kid I'll-" Macaque: "-What. Make things worse for MK?"

(3x09 The King, the Prince, and the Shadow)

Mei: "Time and time again I've watched you put MK in danger leaving him to figure out EVERYTHING on his own. Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?"

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

MK: "Until I know what I am, what my destiny is? I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the ones I have left."

(4x08 The Brotherhood)

(the 3x10 and 4x08 ones are direct parallels in particular, which I know I never shut up about them, but they're so, so important to understand for the Monkey's (+ Mei) arcs.)

In seasons 3 and 4, both MK and LBD have posited that no matter what you do, whether or not what you think you're doing is right, it all leads "to pain". That's an extremely consistent thread throughout the entirety of the show, going as far back as 1x01 ("Whenever I try to do anything, I just gunk everything up!" -> "No matter what I do, it’s going to lead to pain [...] it doesn’t matter if I want to help people or not! Everything I do just- it just makes things worse!"). While Wukong never wanted to hurt his loved ones (for the sweet sweet "This isn't what I wanted!" Azure parallel), he did. He's a very flawed Monkey, but he does try and he has changed for the better, and that's what's important, right? That's something even Macaque has understood by the s4 special ("Monkey King really was a bad guy?" "That's what I believed...what Azure would have you believe. Then, he met him: the monk.")

You can't really...pawn-off Macaque's role onto other people. Structurally, we needed a tragic best-friend character who was deeply wounded by Wukong in the past, who has then come to accept/forgive him (for the most part, give-or-take). That way, you can have someone who has seen/experienced Wukong's flaws then defend him, both for MK's sake and in contrast to Azure having a literal world-ending breakdown over (his crush on) Wukong. DBK can't be that character, Azure can't be that character, and the Mayor is a much weaker antagonist for s3, unable to provoke MK + the main gang in quite the same way—as well as being completely removed from the themeing and Wukong's hero/warrior dynamic.

Macaque, as demonstrated in 2x07, views the "hero" as someone who leaves, someone who abandons their friends to the shadows. MK completely up ends that world-view in 3x10, refusing to abandon Mei "when she needs" him ("We're heroes! It's what we do!"). It's literally one of my favorite scenes in the whole show, and it completely hinges on Macaque being there and then leaving (much like Macaque's arc hinges on Mei being the fourth ring).

I'm just like...I personally can't imagine a version of lmk where Macaque isn't there to be a foil to both MK and Wukong. I rewatched Shadow Play just yesterday, and that episode is so delightful, let me tell you:

"Welcome, viewers, to a shadow play the likes of which have never been seen! It follows the tragic tale of a legendary Warrior, and how those who bring light into this world inevitably bring darkness to those they hold dear..."

Ah you mean like...hurting the people you care about the most, perchance.

2x07 parallels 4x02, especially between the shadow-lamp itself and the scroll—while Wukong's MIA, Macaque regales his memories of Wukong, imprisoning MK's friends and forcing MK to fight "dark" versions of them? Sound familiar?

(familiar tales...new adventures...)

Which, that's a bit of a tangent, but I do think it demonstrates the ways in which Macaque is important to the foundation of this story. MK and Wukong, Wukong and Macaque, MK and Mei...those are the core dynamics of the show for me, you know. If Macaque wasn't there, I quite honestly don't know where we'd be

#I didn't get into Wukong V Macaque mentoring but I also didn't feel like it. Maybe another time #this is reminding me that I need to write my Macaque and Tang parallels meta...#Cause I like them...#3x08 really did so much for us we should all talk about her more #also *cough* about to be salty here #for the love of GOD the Mayor was not an important character. He was there to support LBD #And he's even a nice Azure parallel. But he's not significant. You know the reason the Mayor didn't go after the gang in s3?#Because Macaque needed that screen time. Because that Monkey is what was important to focus on #(<- coming from a place of annoyance that the Mayor is more popular than LBD)#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk theme: hurt #lmk meta #lmk Macaque #hero warrior motif #asks #anon #mark my words eventually Macaque will defend Wukong from MK. Mark my fucking words

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