#i think the fact that i keep the dog is far more important than explaining what the hell is going on with that organization | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

odysseyeurobeat · 28 days ago

Text

Whatever Happened to Eurobeat Brony?

…and what's up with this Vtuber girl on the bottom of the picture?

I'll explain in a moment, though be forewarned: It's less climactic than you may think it is! (Warning: Contains pre-transition photos and footage of me!)

TL;DR

I never really left! I just started making more originals, got really into streaming and Vtubing, and came out as a woman. I've even still made a few Eurobeat Brony tracks in all of that— like I said, I never really left! I've even got a 2025 version of an old track lined up to release TOMORROW! And if the show re-inspires me, I'll release tracks as Eurobeat Brony again.

NOW FOR EXCRUCIATING DETAIL

It's me! I'm Eurobeat Brony!

...or, rather, I should explain how we got there from here, right?

BRONY BEGINNINGS

I've been making eurobeat music and releasing it on the internet for many years— some of the earliest instances of my work specifically in the genre are still up from 2006. So, I've been active as Odyssey Eurobeat for FAR longer than I've been Ken Blast (short for Kendra btw!), and longer still than Eurobeat Brony.

In 2010, my family lost my grandfather on my mom's side to pretty severe malpractice, and I turned towards cartoons and animation to cope during my first semester of classes at SJSU. In that time, I discovered some of the early threads floating around about the first few episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Curious due to the inclusion of Lauren Faust's name on the series, I explored it a bit. In early 2011, I created a remix of "Evil Enchantress" from the episode introducing Zecora, which (to my understanding) is the first documented "brony music" song on the internet in terms of publication date! The rest was history— several remixes of the show's songs, a handful of originals (Luna, Diamond Dogs, Batty, Fly... and, of course, DISCORD!), performances all around the world... dare I say it, I had the tiniest taste of the rockstar lifestyle!

youtube

I'd go so far as to say, it felt like the mid-late 2010s were some of the highlights of my career! Performing for huge crowds, collaborating with folks, traveling the world, and all focused on a show that made dark days brighter when I needed that the most.

During this time, for BronyCon 2018 and 2019, I wanted to make a gesture of love and gratitude for folks still supporting my work and shows— in 2018 I created a new version of Luna, and in 2019 I created my best version of Discord to this day, the one I think encompasses my original intentions for the first version… Discord 2019.

Keep that in mind going forward, it'll be important later.

So, where did I go after all that? Did I dramatically depart from the fandom? Did I get bought out by another scene? Did my music interest drastically change?

...no! Honestly, I never left!

FROM 2019 ON

After Discord 2019, my focus shifted back to original works for a while. 2019 in particular was the year I began to work full-time as a musician instead of pursuing digital marketing positions, or driving for DoorDash. It was not for lack of love of the show, but I did feel like I could do a lot more creative work if I wrote about more ideas and concepts than MLP tended to focus on. Besides, these newfangled Vtubers seem to be really cool, perhaps I could get into that!

As well, I had spent a large portion of the 2010s silently battling gender dysphoria, planning multiple times to come out and begin HRT, each time finding excuses or losing my nerve or just plain failing to do so. It took the lockdowns of 2020 and getting Covid in early 2021 to finally impart the fact that I am not owed tomorrow, and that I'd need to fight for it. Once I recovered, I began the work towards starting my medical and social transitions, and on May 26 2021, I came out as a woman live on my Twitch stream (since, well, this would be where I'd be the most visible... they'd see the transformation one way or another)!

SO, EUROBEAT PEGASISTER THEN?

Naw. "Eurobeat Brony" still feels right, somehow.

AH, OKAY. PLEASE DO GO ON.

At any rate, my focus shifted away from MLP for a while, focusing on streaming on Twitch and producing original works. However, this wouldn't last— after a while, I was reached by Step 2 Harmony, the My Little Pony Cover & Cosplay group, about creating an updated version of my remix of Mirai Start (the opening theme for the show in Japan). We worked on the remix... then got to chat further, until I had the honor of joining them on stage to perform the choreography live at Ponyville Ciderfest 2021!

youtube

In the next year, TanMansManTan, a long-time host of my earliest brony work, decided to revamp his YouTube channel, which meant delisting the earliest versions of my work. He sent me the video files as best he could, and I hosted the new versions of those videos on my YouTube channel, as well as a new remix of Vylet Pony's incredible anthem "Antonymph", which I designed to contain the spirit of old Super Ponybeat work in the lens of recent production knowledge. If I was going to keep being invited to brony conventions, it felt like the least I could do was throw some love to the scene and its innovators.

(In fact, during this time of fewer releases, I often sought out new releases from other musicians active in the scene to play in my sets!)

youtube

OKAY SO... WHY TALK ABOUT THIS NOW?

So.

Remember when I mentioned creating updated versions of my work for BronyCon 2018 and 2019?

This year, I was scheduled to perform at Babscon 2025, but the convention maliciously fired its concert lead three weeks before the convention. In solidarity, every single musician on the lineup withdrew from the convention. Most of that lineup joined her for her amazing Neighhem concert held in nearby Redwood City, and I was honored to be the final act of that show.

...and a little song of mine I had been working on for Babscon up to that point, made it into the show. And now, it's finally fully ready.

At 12:30PM PDT on May 30, 2025, I will release the 2025 version of Batty. I would be honored for you to enjoy this new version of the song, a gesture of love to a scene in which I grew tremendously, and to which I owe a tremendous amount of gratitude.

This song will be available on platforms like iTunes, Spotify, TIDAL, etc... but in traditional Super Ponybeat fashion, the song will be available for free/name-your-price on Bandcamp. Please enjoy the song as much as you want, and support it if you can!

THE FUTURE OF EUROBEAT BRONY

...it sounds so official typing it out, right? 😅

It's here that I make a confession— I never did finish the show. I had a handful of remixes I cancelled or never really got around to, an original idea or two I never built out... and while I was further along in the series than I thought, I still don't have everything from the show. When I have a moment to do so, I'd like to finish the series, and remix any songs that particularly stick out to me

At the very least, I'd like to remix the ending song, "The Magic Of Friendship Grows". However, I don't want to start that until I've watched the series up to that point. I'd like the other songs in the show to catch my interest first so, if I do decided to take a crack at them, I can. I'd like to give the show room to inspire me one more time, y'know?

That said, finding the time for that may be difficult. I've never been busier in my life than I've been lately, and time for consuming media has been a little limited (when I do, it tends to be other Vtubers lately). The possibility of me never getting around to it is nonzero.

But I tell you what gives me hope.

I mentioned Neighhem earlier, yeah?

youtube

It was here, not at the final BABSCon, where I reconnected with so many brony musicians, modern and legacy, that I remembered what drew me here in the first place. Spending time with everyone, some I hadn't seen in years, others I hadn't met yet, sparked something in me I hadn't felt quite the same since the early 2010s. It felt like a home away from home.

There's something to this horse business that disarms, that gives us a second to pause and hear others out, to become interested in their lives for a second. It's a feeling I've lacked in the 2020s, and one I've direly missed.

That feeling hasn't left me yet, either. Somehow, I still have that little spark in me from that night. And while it's still here, I want to try.

For some of you, Eurobeat Brony was your introduction to eurobeat (still wild to me to think that!!!); for others, EbB was a fun association with the show or fandom. For a surprising many of you, that name still holds quite a bit of value. It has some for me, too.

So... yeah. That's where I've been. And I'd love to have you with me from here, too. If you're down to see the Vtuber stuff, if you're down to hear my new original work (I just did a hyper techno track with a fantastic rapper friend!), then my central hub (you can choose which socials or other things to check out from here, at least!) would be odysseyeurobeat.com! Or you can check out my Twitch, Twitter, Bluesky, or even the very same YouTube channel I used for Super Ponybeat material all these years.

Whether you're a modern Oddity (Oddities are Odyssey fans!), an old MLP fan, or someone else entirely, I cannot thank you enough for having enjoyed my work for even a portion of your day, week, month, year, life. I genuinely never thought I'd be this far along, that music would be a full-time endeavor that's actually working. I am immensely grateful to you all. 💖

#eurobeat brony #odyssey eurobeat #initial d #jessa stebbins #ken blast #kendra blast #t. stebbins #j. stebbins #super eurobeat #eurobeat #super ponybeat #Youtube

226 notes · View notes

homestuckreplay · 1 month ago

Text

Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Jack Noir

(page 1923-1933; ‘[S] John: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter.’)

Picking up in AR?’s meteor lab (separate from John’s), he hides as the Draconian Dignitary appears with Rose’s journals and Dave’s discs in tow. AR knows that DD is dangerous, but still suspects him of frog crimes. AR is kind of like the characters in cop shows who are trying to root out corruption at the very top of the police force – there is absolutely no way he can personally solve this problem, but the good intent is better than excusing it? Maybe the reason he gets exiled is because he tries to speak out against Jack Noir when he realizes Jack has broken plenty of laws himself.

Dave’s beta discs end up in the capsule by accident, and Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor. When Jade arrives in the ruins 413 million years in the future that journal is gone, so, I guess a pretty big window of time for something to happen to it. But the only people I know of who might go into those ruins are Bec and Grandpa Harley, and neither of them strike me as big readers. Bec could teleport it somewhere if he knew it was important, so that’s my guess. Possibly it ends up in Rose’s dream bedroom to inspire her creative work while awake, similar to how Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff works for Dave.

The MEOW journals, filled with genetic code, are what DD is really looking for as he moves to slimeclone Halley from the monitor. So as well as paradox clones and mutant clones, DD is creating a third type – genetically modified clones, where the DNA is purposefully edited to give a clone space warping and lightning powers (I presume). Halley and Bec are dogs, but a dog’s powers can only be leveled up with cat themed DNA, because Homestuck isn’t afraid to admit that cats are better forever.

I think it’s really interesting how the final arc of Act 4 is taking place in these two labs, and is so focused on technology. It’s similar to the final arc of Act 2, which took place in WV’s Sburb bunker, and saw him explore the command terminal and appearifier – but that differed from the rest of Act 2 because it focused on WV, where before we’d only focused on the kids. Act 4 has mostly been about broadening the story into loose fantasy concepts, exploring entire planets and setting up long term quests. Then suddenly, at the end, we drill back down into a very precise science with strict rules, more similar to the captchalogue systems of early acts. And, like every end of act so far, there’s a countdown timer. It’s only been mentioned by CG and hasn’t actually been shown on screen, but I have a good idea of how many minutes and seconds there might be until the Reckoning.

So in a way, it feels like Act 4 has been giving readers a false sense of security – making it feel like there’s a lot of time to play in the space and figure out the middlegame of Sburb, when in fact the ending has been sneaking up fast. So I’m experiencing the same thing that John is, where we both feel completely unprepared for the game to end so soon, still without much idea of what we’re trying to achieve here.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR. (p.1929)

This is clearly an important reveal from CG because it comes right before a page break, and most troll chatlogs don’t get page breaks! The thing is that Jack’s ascension definitely explains why everything gets fucked up in the kids’ session, but doesn’t even come close to explaining how the trolls are affected. In fact, CG explains at length how their versions of Jack Noir are completely different and don’t affect each other.

CG: YOUR RECKONING STARTS MUCH SOONER CG: BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB THINGS YOU'VE DONE [...] CG: IT'S WHAT YOU DO LATER THAT CAUSES SO MUCH MORE TROUBLE THAN THAT CG: AND NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT TOO. (p.1667)

So, the ‘dumb things’ the beta kids have done are letting the green package fall into Jack’s hands, giving him the power to kill the queen, ascend, and begin the Reckoning sooner. And their response to the Reckoning happening too early, throwing them into the lategame before they’re prepared for it and causing them to take some wild swings, are what affects the trolls too.

CG: [JACK] SETTLED A GRUDGE AGAINST THE QUEEN BY HELPING US DETHRONE AND EXILE HER. CG: AND THEN HE WOUND UP EXILED HIMSELF, AND SORT OF KEPT HELPING US THROUGH A COMMAND TERMINAL ON OUR OLD PLANET. CG: HE'S KIND OF A HUGE ASSHOLE THOUGH. (p.1930)

For CG to call someone a huge asshole, they must be pretty bad, right? Anyway, to win a game of chess, it’s 100% necessary to checkmate the king (in Sburb’s case, kill the king). Capturing (killing) the opponent’s queen is highly desirable as she’s the most powerful piece, but it’s not necessary. In Sburb’s case, she just needs to be neutralized as a threat. This is great backstory for Spades Slick and Snowman, so I wonder if the Intermission will become relevant again soon. If somehow, Jack in the kids’ session is going to do something that affects all versions of himself in all previous sessions, affecting Slick sometime after the point the Intermission left off, and causing him to stop being an ally and instead take revenge on the trolls? The idea of multiple unrelated instances of a game session somehow collapsing into one is cool to think about in terms of games I’ve played. It would explain why CG is taking so much time to stress how the sessions are usually distinct, and would explain how come the trolls can contact the kids in the first place.

John’s example of an Earth video game is Crash Bandicoot, which is not one of the games on his CD rack (p.31). I’m half surprised John didn’t explicitly call out Problem Sleuth in this moment, and I guess the Ghostbusters II MMORPG wouldn’t make much sense for the point CG is trying to make. I’ve never played Crash Bandicoot myself, but looking it up, I learned that Crash is a ‘genetically enhanced bandicoot’ which is an actual type of marsupial (I had no idea that was a real animal?!?!) created by a mad scientist who he’s trying to fight back against. So that’s an interesting example to choose two pages after a Derse antagonist shows up in a lab and starts doing genetic modification.

CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING... EB: like an ace? (p.1930)

Okay no joke, these two lines are one of my favorite moments in the story so far. CG has been discussing Sburb as chess game, and John smoothly slides this to playing cards, which makes sense for him as a magician who likes card tricks, even though he has no idea Slick associates himself with cards in the trolls’ session. This move from chess to playing cards indicates that by ascending, Jack has literally changed the game – not just modifying the rules, but altering its very nature. Jack being an ace also reminds me of Harry Anderson’s ‘old HOLE IN THE ACE trick’ (p.630), the trick that inspired John to experiment with punch card alchemy. The trick is all about altering cards by punching holes in them, which could be seen as equivalent to prototyping, and then using sleight of hand to cause the hole to ‘disappear, or move to another part of the card’ (p.630). So again, some sort of magic trick that could cause Jack’s prototyping to move to a different version of himself, powering up Spades Slick too?

Jack speculation is all well and good, but there’s more important things happening here – specifically, bunnies. CG is resigned to John’s bunny antics before they happen, while John is confused as to what he’s talking about, until he has a sudden realization that doesn’t appear to stem from CG’s complaints at all.

CG: YEAH YEAH, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET IT OVER WITH AND GIVE HER THE LOUSY RABBIT ALREADY. EB: oh!!!!! EB: oh man, i just had THE BEST idea, this is so perfect. EB: a blonde mother and daughter together, this is totally perfect. (p.1930)

So, Hussie is assuming that Rose and Mom are white. Like, through ectobiology all things are possible and I think it’s cool if people ignore this line and interpret them differently, but author intent says they’re white, as is Bro – John calls him a ‘white guy who is a rapper’ (p.386) – and by extension Dave, as both his biological parents are white. It’s hard to say how I feel about this. On the one hand, presenting characters as a blank slate who are open to interpretation (as the kids have mostly been up til now) is the same as a white person claiming they ‘don’t see color’; it’s a way to seem progressive without having to put in the work of learning about other cultures. So acknowledging outright that these kids are white is in some way better than a halfhearted attempt at representation. On the other hand, some fans care a lot about what’s officially canon, so calling these characters white does close the door on fan representations that build on canon, instead of contradicting it. In general, I’ve really enjoyed coming up with headcanons about the kids’ lives before Sburb, which are entirely my interpretation because Homestuck leaves that space very open for fans to explore, so I think I’d prefer it overall if their race was left unstated too, though I can see arguments for both sides.

(For what it’s worth, I think Grandpa Harley is unfortunately the most white coded guy of all time, but I think it’d be cool if Nanna was black. Her being a Black female business owner who gets to break away from a difficult childhood and go on to live through the civilrights movement and have a family of her own is cool to me, and that would make Jade and John mixed race, which stops the uncomfortable idea that all the people responsible for ensuring the future of humanity are white.)

Anyway, the Con Air themed flash, ‘[S] John: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter’ (p.1631) is really, really good. John pulls off the rare and highly dangerous Double Bunny Gambit, giving one bunny to Rose and one to Jade as seen on the ectobiology cloning screen, meaning that John’s desire to re-enact scenes from Con Air is not only important to his character but vital to the timeline. The idea of loving a piece of media SO much that it becomes essential to the fabric of the universe is beautiful to me.

This is a pretty unique flash overall! It’s the first one to feature the trolls – carcinoGeneticist and a surprise gallowsCalibrator coming over to watch – and the first to use extensive live action footage mixed in with the artwork, like a Homestuck/Con Air AMV. John isn’t watching Con Air right now (though he might be actually singing the song), but he knows it well enough to play it in his head, so a lot of this is happening in John’s imagination. The scribbled art style indicates this, as it’s been used for Jade’s imagination in the past. Speaking of Jade, the presence of a second bunny and a second small child is non-canon to Con Air, but it’s so fun that John loved the bunny bestowal moment so much that he couldn’t resist doing it again. Also, baby Rose, Jade and Mom are all adorable here, and all seem pretty enraptured with John’s antics. John is right to cross out the ‘THIS IS STUPID’. It is actually incredibly important to provide enrichment and contact for these babies in their first few minutes of life. Plus John’s about to have a pretty rough twenty-four hours with the Reckoning on the horizon, so any moment where he gets to be a kid is valuable in itself.

John casting Dave and CG as his associates and Jack Noir as the villain makes me want to rewatch the movie and consider how well they fit those roles. If there IS a weaponized bunny in the green package, the Jack moment is extra effective, because he really is holding that bunny hostage and using it as a bargaining chip right now.

The curtains close on Act 4, and then re-open. I’m glad – this flash is excellent, but doesn’t feel like an end of act. We still need to see the Reckoning’s countdown timer, plus the shot of CG looking at his computer screen positions this bunny event as right before Jade enters the Medium. So my guess for the end of act is that Jade enters by means other than John’s server disc, we finally see Dave’s entry and what’s going on with the mysterious missing guardian Bro, DD finishes his genetic modification, and the Reckoning begins. Hussie’s newspost says they’re hoping to have the end of act posted on 5/31, with a couple regular updates before then. I’m scared and excited. ‘[S] Enter’ is going to be hard to beat.

#homestuck #reaction #oh to love homestuck so much that it defines the progression of the universe….#chrono

19 notes · View notes

heartaces · 9 months ago

Text

𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐃𝐔𝐑'𝐒 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝟑 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 SHADOWHEART EDITION ⟶ part one

“my, look at you: straight as an arrow, and right to the point every time.”

“no point in showing a mad dog kindness - it will still bite you in the end.”

“i couldn’t help but overhear… well, all right. i could’ve helped, but didn’t.”

“hm, quite clever - and cruel, of course. but creatively so.”

“get some rest. try not to dream about tying me up.”

“well, it can’t hurt, i suppose - unless you embarrass me. then you might find yourself hurting in a whole manner of ways.”

“i like to be on a first-name basis before i give someone a thrashing.”

“don’t get into trouble - but if you must, fetch me first.”

“what a glorious celebration. hid-deep in gore.”

“brambles on bare skin aren’t as fun in practice, i’m afraid.”

“hah! adorable. but your timing is awful.”

“there’s nothing like a stroll through some sewers to keep your sense of self-importance in check.”

“that sounded more debonaire in my head, i’ll admit.”

“that’s a good way to get yourself killed, idiot.”

“wait, just - give me a moment. i can manage, as long as you stay with me.”

“why, thank you. always nice to have you tell me what is and what isn’t worthwhile.”

“all we can do is try, i suppose.”

“careful, she obviously sees your kindness as weakness. don’t let her take advantage.”

“silence can be very powerful, you know. especially when it saves our lives.”

“as long as we have use for each other, i can bite my tongue and stay my blade.”

“i’d hate to reward a kind gesture by breaking your fingers.”

“i’d advise you find someone to taste your food from now on.”

“gods, i hate clowns. i’m not even sure clowns like clowns.”

“that man changes allegiances more frequently than a courtesan changes her bedsheets.”

“let me see to those wounds.”

“you know me, i’m not usually one to elaborate if i can avoid it.”

“just look at this place… the evidence speaks for itself.”

“if you want something from a person, you need to know when and where to squeeze.”

“very well, perhaps there is potential in you.”

“staying in this camp is making me… restless.”

“think of how far we’ve come together. all the ways from the hells back to civilization.”

“i was just starting to miss the sound of your voice.”

“the message didn’t quite sink in, i see.”

“cling to your torches and memories of the sun if you like. see how long you last without me.”

“there is no harm in a little hot-bloodedness. no harm at all, in fact...”

“don’t give me that look. i don’t know what just happened any more than you do.”

“i’ve looked worse… but i’ve definitely looked better.”

“aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“how am i ever going to explain this in my prayers?”

#indie rp #bg3 prompts #rp meme #ask meme #rp prompt #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp resources #rp ask meme #roleplay meme #ask prompt #rpc #rp sentence starters #rp sentence meme #*#q.#ask memes.

30 notes · View notes

coffeeliqueurs · 10 days ago

Note

what's finch's favorite season? which does he think is more important between drinks and people? (no this question doesn't sound familiar hahaha) and lastly I'll throw ur own ask right back at you... what are some songs you associate with him?

YIPPEEEE YAHOOO tysm :) this is a LONG one so apologies in advance.

what's finch's favourite season?

Summer!! He absolutely loves the summer, everything is brighter and warmer. He's sort of like a plant in a way, if he spends too much time without sunlight he starts to wither away. And by that I mean his mood is infinitely worse.

If he had the money to take trips to the beach he absolutely would, the small town he grew up in was a seaside one so he finds a lot of comfort in the ocean. He could easily spend hours just listening to the sound of waves crashing against the shore.

But, he's the most unemployed guy of all time, so he hasn't seen the seaside in many years even though he misses it dearly. he mostly spends the summer sat by an open window in his apartment soaking in the sun like a cat would. He doesn't mind the sound of the city going about it's daily routine either. So he settles for that instead.

((not even at the song question yet but july by hozier is a good song i relate to him that also connects to this answer.))

You didn't ask for his least favourite but I'm telling u anyways sorry.

Despite the game taking place during the colder seasons, Finch really doesn't enjoy winter. He's a lot worse with cold weather than the average person and has to bundles up anytime he goes outside to retain as much body heat as possible. That and the fact that the sun isn't out gives way to a bad case of seasonal depression.

what's more important, drinks or people?

bartending isn't his passion in the slightest, but he does understand that to attract good people the drinks need to be good enough for them to stick around in the first place. so in that case if he was asked, he would say the drinks.

But what he *values* is very different. You could hand the man a god awful drink but if it was alcoholic enough he'd finish it anyways.

He values people and the relationships forged between them. he's been wronged by people he's put trust in before, and it almost killed him, but in turn he was saved because a friend looked out for him. When he moved to Bukovie his life was changed because one stranger decided to lend a hand.

He went through a lot as a teenager, and it still lingers with him a decade (and some change) later. But even in the darkest hour he had a light at the end of a tunnel, in a friend who had a bad feeling about a job and a librarian willing to give a homeless kid in a new country a place to stay. He owes a lot to that light and wants to be that for others, even if it's in small ways. That's why even though bartending is far from what he wants to do with his life, he's still grateful for the experience and the people he's met.

Although he still really wishes he didn't have to become a honorary detective and start poking into peoples personal business because of it.

SORRY. THAT STARTED NOT BEING RELATED TO THE QUESTION AT ALL. he thinks drinks are important but what he values are the people.

what are some songs you associate with him?

cracking my knuckles

'Dog Days Are Over' by Florence & The Machine

"Leave all your love and your longing behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive" applies to him in the most literal sense possible.

I've tried explaining my thoughts on this one so many times but it's just not coming to me. the song itself is about finding happiness and refusing to believe that it's there/running away from it. which i think heavily applies to how he felt a couple years after recovering from the incident.

'Buttercup' by Hippo Campus

'I'll be fine, I'm alright, it's my body. Gonna stick to my guns like you taught me, Holy hell I can tell that you hate me, dying moon, keep me up, keep me waiting'

'No holds barred in the ring so you'll fight me, Give 'em hell, give 'em teeth like you taught me.'

Finch has always been very unapologetically himself, very open about being transgender and extremely willing to fight for his place in the world.

It got him into the wrong crowd when he was younger because they were the only folks who 'accepted' him, but even after everything (betrayal, almost dying) the one of the thing that never left him was he wasn't going to change for anyone. especially not after that.

Also the first lines using wrestling terms fits in with him very well :) since wrestling is one of the hobbies he took up after moving to bukovie as a form of letting out his anger in a controlled environment. So that paired with how stubborn the 'stick to my guns' and 'give em hell, give em teeth' lines feel is very very him.

'Merry Christmas, Please Don't Call' by The Bleachers

'and time is strangely calm now, cause everybody's gone. It's just you and your anger'

'but you should know, that I died slow, running through the halls of your haunted home. and the toughest part is we both know what happened to you why you're out on your own.'

I have a lot of scattered thoughts on this song, mainly because many lines apply to his childhood and early 20s but then some I associate with the current day (canon) where he's 36~.

'I want one ticket out of your heavy gaze/ I want one ticket off of your carousel' <- this line specifically makes me think of his relationship to Peter in case 3 and Finch's insistence to keep digging into government secrets and you know. the peter reaction of 'can you stop fucking around' you get when you ask about the hitman. 'one ticket out of your heavy gaze' being finch feeling guilty for not listening to him when he's clearly looking out for him. and 'i want one ticket off of your carousel' being again, peter's 'can you stop fucking around'

that was weird who said that. anyways.

first lyric i listed makes me think of him during the aftermath where he's completely alone. second lyric is like, him thinking back on the events more than a decade later and feeling the anger bubbling back up.

okay this is going to be ridiculously long if i don't speed round these so here's names and lyrics with little commentary

'Dead Boys' by Sam Fender

'We close our eyes learn our pain, nobody ever could explain all the dead boys in our hometown'

'It Will Come Back' by Hozier

loud coughing in the direction of a sign that says bartenderxpeterisms.

'Do I Wanna Know?' by Arctic Monkeys

even louder coughing towards the sign.

'Lets Dance To Joy Division' by The Wombats

SUUUCH a current day finch song to me. this is very much his personality/how he presents himself in case you were curious.

'Keep You Safe' by The Crane Wives

'No amount of waiting will make you brave. No amount of fear will keep you safe'

'The older I get, the more fears I collect. I gather them from all the people I meet. Their stories reveal regrets their smiles can't conceal. I carry them, I carry them with me'

OKAY THAT'S ALL THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU GOT THIS FAR

#🗝️ | finch

4 notes · View notes

officialtayley · 1 year ago

Note

So... Plot twist

Hi everyone, is Emily/em/Sparks9397, make yourselves a snack this one’s long.

I have a lot I'd like to say, but think a good place to start would be that yes, I’m very sorry for how this played out and for what I did, though, the pics were about as far as the lie went, guess doesn’t matter either way but yes, I am a lawyer, yes I live in Australia, yes that’s my dog, yes I have a boyfriend, etc.

Honestly, I'm not mad at the anon in fact I was kinda expecting it? (someone was bound to get that’s not my pic), but you did caught me off guard last night and I panicked cause I thought better disappear and leave no trace behind, they all hate you anyways (you guys have been way too nice and fic gate is kinda funny), but I do like to twist the knife and did go back to it in the morning to check how badly i'd fucked up, is why i'm sending this.

if you want me to explain myself, well I was in a bad bad place last year when I started writing, the writing really help me through lots of stuff and for personal reasons i thought it was better not to add my pic, stupid me thought it was a good idea to share another person’s photo, who kinda looks like me if you want to believe that or not, but seems way happier, more stylish, more fun, etc and well you know how that ended...

Was it necessary to keep posting more pics that weren’t mine, no obv not, yet believe it or not somehow in the past year my life got way better and I made it out of that dark place and was excited to share more of my life, my mistake to not just come clean instead of keep pretending I was someone else.

Anyways, I could keep going with the apology but I don’t think it matters very much now, does it?

So I’ll just use this time to say I'm realy really sorry Meike @paramorewillbelegends and I’m really so so sorry Reese @dnd21, you both were really good friends to me and I'm so grateful to you both for being there for me when I had no one to talk to, sorry I couldn’t reciprocate and be a better friend to you.

Ps. A03 was more leveled headed than myself during this time and though I deleted everything and didn’t have backup they sent me a copy of everything which I can repost if that’s what you want, but yeahh guess that's it for me, and thanks to Ash if you end up posting this (no pressure).

i think your apology matters. you've obviously seen what i've said about what you did so i won't say anything more, but if you mean this then it's something people can forgive you for and move past.

i think it's better to do this than to do something drastic. as you can see, no one hates you, even any of us that may have sounded quite harsh, that's not hatred either. anyway, i appreciate that you sent this and i'm sure everyone else will appreciate it, especially your friends, so i'll post it because i think it's important and you didn't have to send it at all but you did, so again, i think it'll be very appreciated.

also you do whatever you feel is right with the fics. a lot of people may still want them but ultimately it's up to you and if you feel comfortable doing so.

#anon #answered #what a way to end ficgate

21 notes · View notes

legally-a-bastard · 1 year ago

Note

Your tags on the post telling Biden voters to keep Palestine out of their mouths are so incredibly rude; you're doing exactly what they said not to. Saying that they aren't looking at the bigger picture? Trying to explain how voting works like everyone but you is an idiot?

It's clear the genocide and brutalization of tens of thousands doesn't mean shit to you. How selfish can you be. If you don't care about Palestine, at least have the dignity to not go onto posts like that to tell everyone you think you're more important than them.

fun fact. When someone puts something in tags. You don’t have to read them. Anyways,

Is it selfish to care about every life, and not just one group? my brother in christ I wasnt explaining things like I thought they were stupid, because then I would have CALLED them stupid. I was making a point that yes, there are so many better fucking options and I fully support. but there are also risks to them and that THAT is why people struggle with this fucking decision. Because there’s fucking nuance.

You are painting an image of me in your head that makes you mad because you want people to be mad at. You want people you can point at and cry wolf when it’s nothing more than a dog.

Putting the rest under a read more because the people who don’t give a fuck and decide that they prefer being only reactive, don’t even have to bother reading what I’m saying, they can just go ahead and block me right goddamn now. Because I’m not here to appease people and I won’t pretend I am.

I do care about Palestine. An incredible amount, actually. And I also happen to care about the citizens of my own country and other countries alongside it. And I was sharing my thoughts on a matter that can have far larger consequences than we’re fucking considering.

You are the person who cannot see the bigger picture because you think that just because people are drowning in an ocean, we shouldn’t also try to prevent and help people who are drowning in what comparatively might be a kiddie pool.

They are all drowning regardless, and I am of the belief that harm of any kind, not just one specific situation, should not happen at all.

Also, if you read the tags so thoroughly like you think you did,

you would have seen the part that says you can just block & ignore me if you didn’t like what I was saying.

and if you take such large issue with what I say, then you should’ve taken your ass off anon because this could’ve been just between me and you. But now it’s gonna be between everyone who sees it, because while I know not to feed the trolls, this troll has made me think that maybe I need to directly fucking say what I think should be fucking said.

if you refuse to comprehend what I say that is on you. If you get mad because of that, it is on you. If you continue to respond only REACTIVELY and not PROACTIVELY, that. Is on. You.

#if I lose friends and followers for this. that’s perfectly fine with me.#I’m not going to make you agree with me.#you do not get to paint me as a villain for caring about more than just the citizens of ONE country regardless if it is my own or another #I Care about every fucking life PERIOD. And what good does trying to stop one evil do when your action could lead to even more.#I am NOT sorry that my decision to care about more than just one type of life is so upsetting to you.#So if you can’t understand that let me put it like this:#Yes there’s a genocide happening. Multiple actually that you probably aren’t paying attention to. and it’s awful.#but we need to stop and fucking think about how many more our actions can lead to.#how many people must suffer and die before you will realize you should’ve taken a path that killed less?#I fucking hate biden. I hate trump even fucking more. and what I hate most is seeing deaths that are entirely preventable.#caring about only one specific group above all others is just as bad as caring about only yourself above all others.#but my original point was not made to try and fucking persuade anyone to do anything. it was to provide a perspective #that I hadn’t seen people considering much.#oh and for the record-I didn’t vote for him.#But I know you were perfectly fine assuming I did because it fit your narrative better.#what I am doing here is choosing to shoot myself instead of having to pick one of two people to shoot.

0 notes

lightblueminecraftorchid · 2 years ago

Text

Windows Operating Systems!!!!!

I am terrible at code but I LOVE learning about every different OS, starting with MS-DOS and going all the way to Windows 11 (although I don’t prefer anything post Windows 7). I ESPECIALLY love learning about old computer viruses made for these systems, as well as computer viruses in general.

Did you know everything on the NT shell (Windows 95 to Windows ME) still relied partially on MS-DOS? That, until XP, some old core functions just… hung around? It’s true! You can even run MS-DOS viruses on OS like Windows 98!! They usually open DOS prompt and infect from there, and a lot of DOS viruses are prank viruses, so they usually don’t cause the system to hang.

And a lot of early viruses were just meant to be helpful or proof of concept, but caused issues absolutely by accident. One example is Stealth Bomber, which was one of the first DOS viruses to not increase the file size when it infected files. This is important because a common check for system infections was to check the size of files which weren’t usually edited, like graphics.com, which should be 19,724 bytes. If you ran /dir graphics.com and your file size was bigger than that, you probably had a virus.

Stealth Bomber’s intended payload (what the writer wanted it to do when it activated) was just to show a little popup which explained what the virus was and why it was important to find other ways to check for infections. However, the virus infected .com files indiscriminately, including command.com, which is what allows the user to, y’know, enter and run commands. And, when those files got infected, they got badly corrupted; the virus was unstable and often accidentally overwrote necessary file data. Since command.com was kinda the core of how a user would use DOS, the system was effectively bricked.

And then there’s viruses like Michaelangelo, which were supposed to be terrible destructive viruses which destroyed everything… and then only infected a couple computers, despite tons of news frenzy over how unstoppable they were.

Another fun fact: Windows XP was the last system to have Clippy! But there were other mascots you could pick, too! A dog, a cat, and a wizard were all available options.

PowerPoint (my beloved) was introduced in Windows 98! Isn’t that so neat??? It was apparently really revolutionary as a digital tool at the time, which I think is really cool!

But by far my favorite computer virus is Welchia, a nematode (so technically a worm) which infected Windows 2000 and Windows XP. Welchia was made in response to Blaster, a nasty computer worm which created a botnet using a known (and patched in XP) security vulnerability in both 2000 and XP. Welchia worked by infecting your computer the same way Blaster would, removing Blaster if you were infected with it, downloading the security patch if you didn’t have it, and then deleting itself.

Welchia caused TONS of damage! It infected TWO US governmental bodies, the navy and the state department, in 2003; it took multiple hours to disinfect in both cases and caused major delay. A Welchia infection was a two-pronged issue; first, if you got Welchia, you had previously been vulnerable to Blaster, which already feels disconcerting and scary when your computers keep something essential running. But Welchia infections specifically updated and restarted computers, and because of the heightened server demands from how far it spread, some antivirus companies viewed it as a worse infection than Blaster itself. Certain computers, such as the ones that run factory or hospital equipment, cannot afford to be updated and restarted the way Welchia did, or major issues would (and did) occur. Welchia self-destructs if the date is 2004, so it didn’t last long after it spread into the wild.

I have… so many more facts in me, but that’s what I’ll say for now because this post is already too long. But Windows OS My Beloved has a special place in my heart. It also sucks in many ways and Windows 11 is actively worse than previous versions in many ways. Even the minesweeper game isn’t good anymore! These two things exist at the same time in my heart 🩵.

folks with special interests/hyperfixations NOT related to media (book series, tv shows, movies, etc), what are they and what do you like about it?

4K notes · View notes

burnyouwithacigarettelighter · 4 years ago

Text

watch you burn away | c.g

You see his eyes when she passes by, blinking owlishly with something you can only call love. His attention trails after her, like she's the only thing left in the world — the only thing important.

So you help him. He asks you why she did what she did. What you think she thought. And you tell all. You explain the ‘intricacies’ of the (not so) average teenage girl.

You’re fueling the fire to a first love thats entirely their own, while you sit on the standby. Your mother always did tell you that one day you’d dig your own grave.

You like Carl. It’s as simple as that. It just seems he doesn’t feel the same. You learn to live with it.

WARNINGS: mentions of murder, suicide(?), and abuse (not really, just makes sense if you’ve watch twd s5/6)

(cross-posted on ao3!)

𖥔 𖥔 𖥔

You don’t know when it started.

You don’t think you want to know, anyways. Going down that path, remembering and remembering each memory that's soft emotions surrounding it has since then hardened into inauspicious spikes. It’d break you. A bullet through glass.

The group you’re with — the family you found — have accustomed to this life. A normal life. Meals at the dinner table, walks around the block, gardens, neighbors, the whole fake wrap-up. Alexandria was like a drug, lowering your defenses — but oh so addicting.

It was so easy to forget what was outside.

Even he does, and he’s the last person you’d think to. He’s started to fade out of the persona he created for himself. You sit on the floor in his room, eyes trailing every bit that he’s decorated. It’s a piece of himself that isn’t the survivor, the piece that is a normal teenage boy.

“Do you think we can be safe here?” Your words leave your mouth without much acknowledgment from you, a haze setting in on your mind. You need to sleep.

He doesn’t respond, at least for a moment. The flicking pages of Invincible (or Science-dog — you’re unsure what series he’s binging, at the moment) and your mutual breathing is the only thing in the air. He’s processing it — and you know it’s a valid question. You’ve all been asking yourselves that.

“I,” He paused again, “Yes. I — I think we can be. We need to be.” He said, dropping his voice to a whisper at the end.

“But—“

“The prison was safe. I know.” He cuts you off with a nod. He was stating a fact, something you both knew. The prison was somewhere you thought you could forget for a while.

(Maybe more than a while.)

The next week, the conversation starts itself again. You’re not trying to push whatever you’re trying to hear — you’re just nervous.

And he tells you, “I want to be safe. Here, I mean.” and tells you he doesn’t want to be the person he ‘needed to be’ all the time. “It eats at me. I — I don’t know. It’s tiring.”

So, he sheds it. He’s realer, this way. You know he pretends to be tough, be mature, be someone who can be a good shot, someone who can kill if need be, someone who can partially raise his sister, because he’d shot his mother when he was thirteen and his father was busy running a community that was just… incredulously ignorant — all in one.

It’s good. Good for him. He doesn’t look so pained these days. He used to look like he had the world's weight sitting on him, and him alone, breaking himself under the pressure slowly, until there’d be nothing left.

But you don’t think you can shed that persona.

The person you needed to be has long since become the person you really are, and the you who’d put on that shell has disappeared. The line blurred so far that there wasn’t— wouldn’t be coming back from it.

You had been smudged away in the background. You were an artists easel, holding onto each canvas like nothing else — the canvas that was a child, the canvas that was a teenager barely holding on, the canvas that was a cold survivor — and now, you’d have to wait for the circumstances to paint the next one for you.

With the new environment, the new him, and the you who had to keep changing and changing like a chameleon, comes new people.

Everyone is nice. They had to be. They weren’t stained by what happened outside. Didn’t hold the blood of their own and the blood of those who they killed just to keep on in their hands, their nails, their body.

(No matter how hard you scrubbed, the blood never went away. You’d never feel clean, you think.)

Their life had kept impenetrable for years. You didn’t believe in God, never did, but what kind of praying were these people doing to be buried in such guaranteed luck? What was it about them?

Then, there was her. And she sweeps him off his feet. A brisk appearance is all he needs for his presence to follow like a lovesick puppy. You call out for him to “Be safe!” in an imitation of his fathers tone with a chuckle, ignoring the faint burn you feel in your heart. You just ate too quickly.

But, you get it. She’s… something new. Undiscovered. The two of you have long exhausted conversations. You know all about him, while he knows all about you. From favourites to birthdays to whispered memories of before.

(“—And I didn’t have enough frosting, so we gave up and threw the cake at each other.” He says, looking up at the cell ceiling.

You let out an ungodly laugh, and he punches you lightly in the shoulder. “It’s not that funny.”

When you don’t respond, he looks at you, a grin slowly forming on his lips.)

Your time together dwindles. Slowly, but surely, it’s soon harshly evident. You’ll share the occasional hangout. Sitting in silence, doing whatever it was you’d felt to do so at the moment, which had been comfortable once before.

Now, you don’t know what it is.

Days he said he’d swing by your place, he tells you he’d forgotten he’d promised to do something with her. He apologizes over and over, and It’s fine, really, you tell him. It is. It’s fine.

You’re fine.

You hate to be dramatic. Truly, you prided yourself on the way life walked by you, without so much as a word or a thought about it. Sometimes you think that you’re wrong for it, and he does too.

“I think you’re just overcompensating for something.” He says when you tell him, a joking twinge in his voice. You push him lightly, a laugh escaping your throat.

However, he’s right. You pour emotion like a fountain, and the only way you’ve found to cope is to place a plug on that bottle. Let life pass you by.

This was the person you needed to be. Someone who didn’t so much as shed a tear when people were there, then gone. You weren’t trying to be heartless. You were trying to ignore it all.

It’ll explode one day. You know. But you’ll cross that bridge when you get there.

If you get there. You didn’t know if you would be here for long — and if you’d bother to do so, anyways. You’d found salvation now, but who’s to say it would stay? It would soon enough be ripped out of your hands greedily, drunk up by someone who deemed their needs to be more important than your own.

Those thoughts swim and swim around endlessly, tying together thick and bundled, until it’s nearly filled your head, and you’ve got to clear it out. To do so, you busy yourself. Reading books ravenously. You didn’t even like books before. But it’s a quick, and easy way to ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

With that, you find that no one bothers you in your room. A knock or two every few hours, and a light-hearted ‘I’m reading!’ makes for long hours alone. The silence isn’t so much overbearing as it is nostalgic.

You remind yourself to ask him for the Wolf-Man comic you didn’t finish, and when you do so, she’s reading it, splayed across his bed like she always had.

(You’re pathetic, you think.)

(He looks at you from his desk, a questioning look on his face. Your cheeks burn with a light embarrassment that none of them knew for. “I’m looking for Judith, do you know where she went?” You say, pasting on a sheepish smile.)

(You hoped it reached your eyes.)

You woke up in your closet today. The bed is too big, your limbs not nearly reaching the corners. It’s an endless ocean, and there's no hands to pull you out this time. You’re much too used to huddling in claustrophobic and closed space. Pushed against others in an attempt to keep warm.

(You remember. His breath fanning on your neck feverishly, as you pulled him closer to your person. Hands running through his hair, tugging lightly for comfort.

Nothing went further. Most things you did — things that could dare to tread the wall sat between more and the same — never went further. The two of you couldn’t find it in yourself to climb it.)

A wall he liked to climb was one with her. Figuratively, and literally. You see him climb the bars from the view of your window. It’s day after day, at this point, helping each other over and back.

You can’t bring yourself to follow, nor even leave the closet. You begin to take books from the library faster. You return and you take and you read at an alarming rate. This was your normality, everyone supposed.

(Not many knew of the you before it all, and just assumed you were one to read.

Someone knew you weren’t, but he was preoccupied. It was alright. You get it.)

Soon enough, life went on in waves. You grew a few inches. He had a growth spurt, quickly leaving you behind. It was becoming a pattern, at this point.

Michonne asks why she hasn’t seen you with him lately. You paste on a smile, “It’s definitely my fault — I can’t stop reading! I haven’t touched a book in ages, and it’s all too fun.”

Before she can respond (and you know you wouldn’t have liked the answer, as her eyebrows pulled together in a furrow, unconvinced and prying expression in place) you pick up Judith, watching her look longingly at the porch. You might as well get some air, if not just for her.

One day, he catches you by surprise. He asks you to help him with homework. You agree, and it soon turns to comics in comfortable silence, once again.

(You don’t know why. You weren’t complaining, but you really — really didn’t know why.)

And then he apologized. Hushed words in the evening hallway after dinner, murmurs of his stupidity and selfishness. He’s too good to you.

His blue eyes peak out from under his long, brown hair, another apology just sitting on his tongue. His hands tangle against each other nervously, a habit he picked up somewhere along the way.

The silence hangs over you like a cloud, waiting and waiting. And you tell him it’s okay. You tell him, “I never made time. I was caught up.” and he visibly relaxes. His breath drops, and his shoulders look lighter.

His lips split into a grin, reaching ear to ear. You remember what it was about him, the thing that made your mind go in circles and your heart sink up and down.

(And later, you try to forget it all again. You were so close to erasing it all. So close.)

Days go by where you only get a glimpse or a quick patch of conversation with him, and some days where you almost feel like it’s back then, just the two of you in a big, big world.

And you see him again, on the porch, looking out on the neighborhood, he gives you a quick wave.

She appears from the edge of the house, hand clasping into the other that's not waving, and does, too.

You’re okay with it all, really. You get to be his friend, and that’s all that matters in that silly little mind of yours.

You can ignore. You were good at that.

(Ignore the hands that hold each other carefully, cradling eachothers faces in the dark, heads on shoulders, soft words exchanged between them and them alone.)

It was easy. Incredibly easy.

(And it horrified you.)

Topics of her worm their way into your conversation sometimes. He asks, “What the hell did she mean by that?” and you echo a thick laughter. You wonder if he could still tell which laughs were real or not.

You see his eyes when she passes by, blinking owlishly with something you can only call love. His attention trails after her, like she's the only thing left in the world — the only thing important.

So you help him. He asks you why she did what she did. What you think she thought. And you tell all. You explain the ‘intricacies’ of the (not so) average teenage girl.

You’re fueling the fire to a first love thats entirely their own, while you sit on the standby. Your mother always did tell you that one day you’d dig your own grave.

And then, she comes to you, too. It’s a few days before his birthday, and she’s pacing around your room and twisting and pulling and fidgeting with her fingers like the world is about to end.

(Ha.)

Her hands move dramatically and graphically — it’s the most emotion you’ve seen from her. She rambles, quickly and nervously, and she sits down on your bed, now, “I don’t know what to get him — it’s in four days —“ and you’re worried she’ll run out of air and pass out on your bedroom floor, so you dig an edition of Guarding The Globe from inside your closet, placing it in her hands.

She looks at you, wide eyed “What’s this?” She says, though she looks entirely desperate for a solution to her problem, eyes darting on the paper.

You snort, “It’s the issue of Guarding The Globe he’s been looking for, for, like, ages.” And she places the comic on your bed, gently, getting up, wrapping her arms around you. You try not to flinch, and it takes a long moment before she lets go. Her grip is incredibly strong.

(When she leaves, you sigh, and scratch your head, wondering what you were supposed to get him, now.)

They were good for eachother. Two puzzle pieces that clicked, and needed not much else. The kind of people who should be the main characters in a movie, side by side while eliminating every threat that’d come in the way of their love. Partners in crime, accomplices in a murder, their very own Bonnie & Clyde — the whole thing.

And then there were people like you — people like Ron. He was nearly a mirror image of you.

You two were no Bonnie & Clyde, but rather a double edged sword that longed for a user who’d much rather spar.

Your stories were the same, glancing starry eyed at one piece of the couple with a lump in your throat and a foggy mind, but you weren’t the same, because you handled your one-sidedness differently in any way two teenagers could be different.

He didn’t pretend that he could still stay her #1, but you could swallow that pill, even if it took a little pretending. He let his emotions out raw, while yours curdled underneath yourself, for it to burst much hotter, much more caustic, than anything Ron could spit out in a heated moment.

You could see the glare building up in his gaze towards him. Sometimes, you felt that too, watching her touch make his cheeks flush with heat. But you knew nothing came of it.

(But sometimes, you couldn’t help but seeth in your emotions. The bottle had spilled one night in your closet, leaving you an empty mess of a body as crumpled as the papers beside you.)

Maybe that was why you’d become friends.

Friendship was unlikely with someone like Ron. He was brash and charismatic. An extroverted entity with zero knowledge of a many horror outside. A boy.

But he was just that. A simple teenager. Maybe it was the fact you two shared a pair of unrequiteds, quiet feelings, a plummeting heart, or maybe it was just the duality of two teenagers. You’d never know.

Sometimes, the two of you sit in his room (or yours, but the both of you seem all too upset when you see the couple jump the wall with brimming grins) and talk. That’s all you do. Talk.

Ron is a complex person, you learn.

(As complex as someone like him can be, anyways.)

He’s ignorant, sure, watching the outside longingly like it’s some walk in the park, but he tells you, “I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I might as well have bars on my window.” and you aren’t surprised when he tells you his brother did, for a time.

His father is dead, and he’s angry, now more than ever. You can’t help but see yourself in that place, a putrid ball of unearthed anger, sitting in the grief.

Ignoring it.

You only saw your parents' killer in the mirror — but you were the closest person to knowing how it felt like.

Most days, he’s shaking, a shadow of a person appearing in his expression. You nod and listen and calm the teenager down, and aren’t scared when he punches the wall.

(You’d been that way too, looking at the broken mirror shards in a way that was more than dangerous.)

And on the odd days, he cries. You can make out some of it — “It’s — it’s my fault,” he says between hiccups, burying his tears in your shoulder, “He wouldn’t have done it, he wouldn’t if it wasn’t for…” and he trails off. You don’t need him to finish that sentence to know what he means.

You feel silly, now, listening to Ron’s words. You’ve scorned the boy for wanting so desperately to see the outside, watching his eyes glance at it like he’d just discovered colours — but you now know he’s just been trying to escape.

But there’s the matter of him and Ron, and you know the blonde boy’s anger is soon seething and boiling (much like yours, which worries you, for Ron was never one to wait) to a cold and harsh fury.

“You know it’s not Carl’s fault, right?” You slip out one evening.

You’re tuning the end of the guitar that Ron couldn’t (quite frankly, you couldn’t either, but playing around was fun enough) while he rearranged furniture in his room.

His face contorts into that of a disgusted agony, lips pulled into a shaky scowl, eyes thinned. But he looks at you, on the wooden floor, hands lightly twisting and turning the guitar end.

You aren’t worried about his response, and he realizes you aren’t trying to scold him— or even correct him. You just want to listen. And it makes all the difference in the world.

“You don’t have to answer that.” You say apologetically.

”No — it’s… it’s fine,” He says emptily, hanging a picture of a tree (or a cloud, you’re unsure) above his desk. “I don’t blame him, but,” He says, voice sounding defeated, as if realizing something of great importance, “I don’t not blame him.”

A moment of silence passes, “I sound silly, don’t I?” He mumbles, gazing at the picture.

You look at him, “No. Not at all.”

Ron fidgets with his fingers, “It isn’t his fault. I know that. Deep down. I just — want someone to blame.”

You watch him carefully. He picks up the painting, and flips it upside down (definitely a cloud, now) setting it back on the nail.

”I suppose it’s my dad’s fault. Entirely.” He murmurs.

You blink at him wide-eyed.

The topic isn’t touched on much after that night, but these days, he smiles a little brighter, and doesn’t have very many bad days.

On the other hand, you’re harder to crack. You — you don’t find it relieving to share these things. You feel weak. Vulnerable.

You feel that if you opened that bottle willingly, not waiting for it to burst in a mess of hurt and glass, you’d be softening.

You shook your head, and opted to spill little, insignificant things.

You tell Ron how you wish it was you. It’s a carefully crafted white lie. It mixes the truth and it’s embellishments like paint, pigmented and opaque.

“I’m… jealous, I guess.” You say with a soft shrug that makes you want to roll your shoulders harshly until that pain ceases forcibly.

..You don’t know if you want it to be you, or if you just want him to be alone. All to yourself, like a toy in a sandbox that your mother tells you to share with the other little girl across from you.

But it can’t be that way. As much as you needed him, like he was a rope on the edge, a hand in the water, pressure on a gaping wound — he didn’t need you. Maybe it was better that way.

You knew, that was the kind of people who would survive in this world. Your mother wasn’t someone who could live on after your father, and it resulted in you shooting them point blank.

The dependable becomes the dependent, you supposed, thinking of that time that felt like yesterday.

You weren’t a dependable person then, not really. You pulled the trigger because her hands pushed you to do so, and even then, the only thing that had changed was the fact you’d become a murderer and that you were now an orphan. One and the same.

You had barely held onto the cliff called life — if you could call it living it all — and were just about to let go when the rope came crashing down on you.

“What’re you thinking about?” He says, looking back at his window after taking a glance at you.

“Nothing.” You respond, biting the side of your cheek impatiently, trying to get a knot out of your shoelaces.

It's quiet. Comfortable and not, all at the same time. A mixed medium. You didn’t know if you’d be completely comfortable beside that boy again.

“Am I,” He looks out the window once more, tapping his fingers on the glass with the pads of his finger-tips, “Am I a bad person?”

What?

“What?” You echo after your thoughts, fingers slowing from your shoes.

“Am I a ba—“

You shake your head incredulously, “I heard what you said, — what brought this up?”

He scratched his cheek, “I don’t know.”

You look at him accusingly. “I’ve killed people, [Name], I’ve killed people . Not walkers — people .” He caves.

“So? I’ve killed people. I killed my parents , god’s sake , Carl, we’ve all killed people.”

“I killed that boy, back at the prison. He — he was putting down his gun. He was surrendering . And I shot him .” He faces you fully now, lips pursed painfully. His eyes are rimmed red, like he’s had this conversation before, mulled over it endlessly.

(You always reminded the boy to stop thinking for once. He couldn’t, not without your reminders. It didn’t help much, but you were a distraction. A good one, at that.)

(You supposed that’s all you were, really. A pass time before he’d go off with her. Advice to Ron before he’d go on to Mikey’s. The real fucking manual to his heart, given solely from your own — now in permanent bleeding possession of her.)

“We’ve — Carl, you,” You can’t respond properly. His expression sends your gut off the deep end, heart shattering into sharp shards.

He watches you carefully, shoulders curved in on himself. “You aren’t a bad person .” You finally say.

He looks so small . Shaking in the evening light. So, you do what you’ve done every time before.

Your lanky arms slip around him, gently, like he’ll break, tugging at his brown locks comfortably.

“I’m — I’m going to hurt her. I’m a monster, [Name].” He whispered so quietly you almost didn’t catch it.

“You won’t hurt her. You won’t, Carl. Enid’s,” You try not to take in how sour her name feels on your tongue, “she’s strong. You’re strong. You aren’t going to hurt her .”

He’s warm, under your touch, “You didn’t hurt me. And I’m a hell of a lot weaker than what she’s got going on.”

He lets out a breathy laugh, pulling away from you. His eyes squint with his laughter, teeth showing under his grin.

And it makes your heart absolutely tear into each other. Because you know he’ll never be yours — and maybe you always knew that, but this, all of this, had solidified it. His tears were her’s and her heart was his, and you stood, watching (and fucking making ) it happen.

But you’d grow used to it. You’d grow to live with it. You just had to ignore, pretend, slip on a smile, try to get it to reach your eyes �� do everything , because your heart was his — just not the same way round. You’ll do everything, and cheer them on in the distance.

Distance. You’d have to start with that.

But not now. The two of you in his room, moonlight spilling through the glass window, feeling the ghost of his touch under your finger tips — it was everything you wanted to drink in.

It’d last you a lifetime, and it was something you’d lock away into that bottle of everything. It was your moment, and yours alone, hidden in the shade and away from everything else. Your prized snowglobe.

You fidgeted lightly with your fingers, a habit you picked up somewhere along the way.

sequel series here!

#the walking dead #twd #carl grimes #chandler riggs #twds5 #twds6 #carl grimes x reader #twd x reader #the walking dead x reader #carl grimes x reader angst #angst #unrequited love #twd angst #the walking dead carl #enid rhee #ron anderson

563 notes · View notes

dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

Text

Unspoken Challenge ~ Bang Chan [M]

WORD COUNT: 4.2K

GENRE: Smut, fluffy, nerdy/dom chan

PAIRING: Nerd Bang Chan x Reader

WARNING: Light choking, squirting, Chan dom...I think that’s it

A pen was tapping over and over again on the desk behind you and it was starting to stress you out. The class was already hard enough you didn't need some moron making it worse, you took in a deep breath trying to push down the urge to smack whoever it was behind you. They'd done nothing but tap the pen onto the desk as if they were anxiously waiting for something to happen. As time passed the pen tapper got faster until you finally snapped, turning around and slamming your hands onto the desk making the pen tapping stop.

"Do you have any idea how god damn annoying you are?!" The boy behind you smirked as you snapped at him, he'd been doing it to wind you. Felix was the University player and liked it whenever girls talked back to him, it gave him a reason to shamelessly flirt with them.

"The dog bites, I like it." You rolled your eyes at the boy who had a giant smirk on his face. Lee Felix, he was one of the popular students at your university and you hated him and his group of friends. They did nothing but wind you and another student up - Christopher Bang - claiming that you were both cheating on tests or they would come up with some kind of nasty rumour about you both this week alone it was that you'd slept with the entire football team. It wound you up that they were always so cruel to Chan when he was nothing but sweet to everyone he met, it didn't bother you so much when they were mean to you but when they were mean to Chan it pissed you off.

"What's up princess? Chan cant get it up and satisfy you in bed?" A bunch of snickers followed the comment he made but you just rolled your eyes again, turning to face the front of as you started waiting for time to pass. 'princess' was Chan's nickname for you, no one else's and it irked you that someone else had the audacity to use it on you. All you had to do was make it through this one lesson and everything would be fine, you could go and find Chan, Minho and Seungmin and go for lunch. The only thing getting you through this lesson was the thought of lunch with your boyfriend and two close friends.

"We all know what you're after, a good dicking but you're not going to get it from Chan," Felix whispered in your ear as he leant forward to you. He noticed you watching the clock above the teachers head and chuckled softly,

"You can come to me anytime, I'll show you how a real man should fuck you..." Hearing his words you drowned out his voice thinking about the first time that you and Chan had been together...How he was nothing like you thought he would be. See, everyone had Chan pegged to be the super quiet, shy and nerdy type...Which he was but once you got him into the bedroom it was as if an alter ego took over. You called him Christopher since Chan hated whenever someone would call him by his long name.

"Running late?" Minho smirked as you began sprinting towards the student library as you ignored him but he just ran alongside you, teasing you repeatedly as you rushed to get to the door.

"Minho, fuck off. If I'm late again Chan will kill me." You mumbled as you slowed down to a walk outside the door, pushing the double doors open to see Chan had already packed up his things.

"Chan I was caught up at work-"

"Whatever, you clearly don't want to get through the class. I'm not wasting my time with you." You hated that he was blowing you off, you'd been trapped at a late shift so you couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't as though you had Chan's number so you could let him know what was going on. He was so private he wouldn't give you his mobile number or where his dorm was, you'd tried to get it from him but he wouldn't tell you.

"Chan I need to pass this class, work kept me behind and made me do a later shift...I want to pass this class please-" You were following him out of the library as he walked away from you, keeping his head down as he tried to ignore the fact that you were there. You weren't going to let him get away with ditching you, not when you really needed this from him. There was no one else you could go to. No one was as smart as Chan and he knew that.

"It's Friday night, just go out and drink...Whatever it is you do on a Friday." He mumbled to you, stopping himself from walking when you stood in front of him. This was the first time he looked at you properly today, you weren't in your normal attire. Normally you'd be in jeans and a low cut top but today you were in a diner dress and some tennis shoes. The nametag on your dress being the giveaway that it was your work attire.

"We can do this Monday, I have plans tonight." He mumbled moving away from you but all he could think about was the dress you were wearing and the way you looked in the dress. He wasn't an idiot, he knew you were good looking but he also knew you were out of his league so he was never going to do anything. That didn't stop his mind from wandering about things though, the things he would do to you if you were his and he could have his way with you. Punishing you for being late to an important study session, punishing you for the way you wore low cut tops and bent over in front of him. Sometimes he thought you only did those things just to tease him.

Minho chuckled at you as you watched Chan walking away, his leg was kicked up on the wall behind him as he laughed at you.

"You're not going to drop this are you?" You shook your head at his question and demanded Chan's dorm room number. You knew they were living in the same dorm building and he had to know where Chan was. There was no way you were going to not study, Chan was the smartest kids in the university and not to mention in your course. He was your only hope of passing the test on Tuesday.

The door swung open but Chan didn't seem too happy to see you standing there. The smile on his face dropped and he rolled his eyes, he thought you were the pizza he'd ordered himself. His ''plans'' for Friday night were to sit alone watching the new Anime that had come out with a pizza.

"I told you we could study Monday-" He went to shut the door but you pushed your foot in front of it stopping him from doing so if you were anybody else he would have continued to shut the door.

"Chan, the test is Tuesday. Please. I'm hopeless without your help." He nodded at you not disagreeing that you were hopeless in it and not being able to resist the puppy dog look in your eyes so let you into his dorm room.

"You get one hour, any more than that I'll charge you." You excitedly threw your arms around him, jumping up and down as you thanked him over and over again but his mind was racing. You were still in the diner outfit that made his mind wander over everything, he could feel your chest pressed against him that made him bite his lip.

"Y-Yeah, come on in." He stuttered out, pushing his thick black glasses onto his face as he shut the door behind you.

"What exactly is the part you're struggling on?" He questioned as he walked you into the living area of his apartment, sitting you down and sitting beside you with his own books.

"If I say all of it will you kill me..." He raised his eyebrows at you and shook his head, he had no idea how you could have been struggling with any of it. He was helping the tutor grade papers and all of yours were on par with his. You were smart to say you were one of the popular girls in the University,

"I've been behind because of work, I haven't had time to get as much studying as I would like done." He nodded along with you and then he started questioning you on small bits from the classes that week. Wanting to know what you did and didn't know so he could come up with a studying style that would be best for you.

Later that night you woke up to a blanket being laid over you, you flinched looking up to see Chan standing there. He'd been grilling you for most of the night with questions and when his pizza finally arrived he shared it with you. Choosing to help you rather than throwing you to the curb like he said he was going to do,

"You fell asleep, you looked peaceful so I was going to just-" You shook your head, telling him that he didn't have to explain himself to you.

"C-Can I come over during the weekend? I don't have a shift so I can study for longer. Unless you have plans?" You suggested, getting up from the sofa and hunting around for your bag, the only plans he had would be the anime and he liked the idea of helping you far more than that.

"I don't have plans...You can come tomorrow." He whispered as he began walking you to the door, checking outside of the door to make sure the male tutor wasn't around and you wouldn't get scolded for being in the boy's dorm. The one rule on campus, no girls in the boy's dorms, no boys in the girl's dorms.

"Thanks for this Chan, I owe you one." Without even thinking, you stood up on your tiptoes to give him a small kiss on the cheeks. His ears began to turn a bright red colour making you giggle as you quietly snuck out of his room and headed home, looking forward to the weekend of studying with him. Chan's hand slowly raised to his cheek as he touched where your lips had been, he groaned to himself ignoring the tent that was starting to pitch in his jeans. It was just a stupid kiss yet his mind kept wandering back to the butterflies he'd been feeling.

The next night you were sitting together after studying all day, it felt as though you were in class rather than studying. Chan had different tests laid out for you, flashcards and study folders all laid out for you to work from.

"I could rip my eyeballs out, how do you get all of this done." You yawned at him, it seemed as though he just glanced at a page and the information would instantly be implanted into his brain.

"You're like one of those Aliens, aren't you? You absorb information with one glance!" The fake gasp that came from you made Chan laugh which sent butterflies to your stomach, you'd not heard him laugh like that before. The smile on his face was enough to make your whole body feel like you were floating, he looked so cute when he smiled like that. A small dimple on his cheek and the way his eyes scrunched together,

"You have a really pretty smile," You whispered before you even realised you were talking aloud, a giant blush spread along Chan's freckled cheeks and his ears turned a brighter red than before.

"I'm sorry cutie, I didn't mean to embarrass you." You squeezed his cheeks playfully but his hand gripped onto your wrist to stop you from babying him like you were,

"Don't treat me like I'm a baby, I'm not." He growled at you, you were taken back a little not expecting this side to come from him it and interested you a lot.

"I-I'm sorry, I was just playing...You are cute though Chan." Your comment was only met by another growl and he moved away from you muttering something under his breath that you didn't hear.

"Chan?" You went to reach for him to apologise but he grabbed your wrists again, pinning you to the sofa below him. You squirmed under his grasp looking up into his dark eyes as he stared down at you,

"I'm not some cute little nerd," You let out a small whimper as you looked up at him. A pool went down to your core at the way he looked at you, his eyes had darkened over and it wasn't the nerdy Chan you knew. You squirmed once again under his grasp.

"Squirming so much and I haven't even touched you," He smirked and you could have sworn the nerdy Chan you knew was gone and replaced with whoever this was now.

"You're so pretty when you're scared...Maybe I should fuck you dumb huh? Then maybe we can fill the brain with the study material...Stop you watching your phone every four seconds." He'd caught you reading through something on your phone that wasn't the work he was setting you and he didn't care what it was he just didn't want you to waste his or your time. This side of him made you excited but you also wanted to tease him for it see what else he was hiding under the nerdy persona he was exhibiting,

"I bet you'd cum as soon as you put it in me," You challenged, looking him in the eyes as you bucked you hips up to meet his. He licked his lips watching you as he nodded along with what you were saying, not agreeing with you but accepting the unspoken challenge.

"Is that a bet?" You nodded your head at him and he smirked, throwing his glasses down onto the coffee table where your books were left unattended now.

"If I win, you study all weekend and you owe me a favour." He told you as he let go of your wrists completely watching to see what you do.

"And if I win, which I will...What do I get?" He shrugged his shoulders,

"Whatever you want, but trust me, kitten-" He bent down to whisper in your ear this time,

"You're not going to win." His voice sent shivers down your spine and you bit down on your tongue as you watched him closely, wanting nothing more than to make out with him on the spot.

"What makes you so sure? You're just a nerd-" You stopped talking as soon as he pulled the hoodie off from his body revealing a pack of abs you never would have guessed were under there.

"Concentrate darling, anyone would think you have a thing for the nerd." He growled grabbing you by your neck and standing you up as he carefully walked you towards the bedroom. He hadn't even touched you and you could feel how wet you were, practically leaking through your panties.

"Strip," He ordered as he slammed his bedroom door shut, sitting on the edge of his bed as he watched you closely. You smirked at him, slowly undoing the zip of your black jacket before revealing a black lowcut top you'd worn a couple of times before. He kept his eyes on you, giving no inclination as to what he was feeling or thinking as you stripped.

"Slowly," He whispered getting down onto the floor in front of you as you got to nothing but your panties. You hissed as he slapped your thighs and you slowly began to lower your panties.

"So fucking wet for the nerd." He chuckled as he watched the way your arousal stuck to your panties before he threw you down onto the bed. Kissing you roughly as he let his tongue explore your mouth you wrapped your arms around his neck as you relaxed into the kiss. Feeling sparks fly out of your body the moment he kissed you. The kiss intensified and he smirked, dragging you to the edge so you were displayed out for him, he ran his hand over your thighs.

"Spread them," You did as he said and looked at him as he watched you closely.

"Do you want me to touch you?" You nodded desperately, hopeless for some kind of touch from him.

"Where do you want me to touch you? Use your words," You wanted to scream at him just to touch you but you didn't, you stayed quiet as you looked at him.

"H-Here," You whispered running your own finger over your clit but he slapped it away before slowly rubbing his thumb over your clit. You bit your lip, holding back the moans that were trying to escape from you,

"Don't hide the moans, let everyone know who's making you feel good." He ordered you as he thumb continued to rub your clit in circles vigorously. You moaned out, rolling your head back against the mattress as you enjoyed his touches. Pathetic and high pitched whimpers leaving your lips whenever he would change the direction of his rubbing,

"Feel good baby? Is the nerd making you feel good?" He questioned in a condescending tone that only made you more attracted to him. When you didn't answer him he wrapped his other hand around your neck, applying a small amount of pressure making you choke out a moan.

"Answer me."

"Yes! F-Feels so fucking good!" You cried out only to be met with a slap against your clit making you cry out again, he let go of your neck and pushed two fingers into you.

"So tight princess, have you not fucked someone in a while?" He questioned as he began to rock his fingers in and out of you, using his other thumb on your clit again.

"N-No...N-Not s-since last year." You whimpered not knowing why you were telling him you hadn't been laid in a while.

"Maybe that's why you're always so pent up...Just need a good fucking," You nodded at him as you desperately began to plea for him to let you cum. He only rubbed your clit faster and smirked up at you,

"Can I cum? Please?" He chuckled darkly as you begged for him to let you cum, you were dripping down onto the sheets each time he pulled his fingers out of your cunt.

"Want you to ride my thigh first." You were shocked at his words but without hesitation, you pushed him to sit down on the bed and you straddled his thigh. Moaning out as the thick fabric came into contact with your bare core.

"F-Fuck." You whimpered as you began to slowly move your hips on his thigh. Rocking back and forth as he put a finger on your clit making you cry out.

The friction was getting too much for you and you were crying out his name. Your head laid on his shoulder as you rode his thigh.

"You can cum now, like a good girl." He whispered, and just like that you did.

"Chan!" Your hands dug into his arm as you continued to ride his thigh. Cumming onto the fabric of his jeans before he pushed you down onto the bed again, your legs were shaking as you begged for him to fuck you instead of teasing you.

"I-I get it, I shouldn't have said what I said...Y-You win." You whispered as he began to unbuckle the belt on his jeans.

"You're still so wet princess, and look at the mess you made." You glanced at his trousers and felt the heat rush up your body in embarrassment.

"I want you to make a mess like that on my cock, can you do that baby girl?" You nodded at him,

"Y-Yes Chan," He smirked at how easily you'd turned into a begging and whimpering mess for him.

"Stand up," You did as he said and he walked over to you, chuckling as you struggled to keep your balance. As he kicked off his boxers you sank down on your knees to get a good look at him. He was huge, larger than you had been expecting and it made your mouth water. You wanted to taste him, you needed his cum but before you could even put your lips on him he shook his head at you. At first, he was going to let you but after seeing how excited you had been to do it he stopped himself wanting to prove you wrong.

"Lay down and spread your legs." You did as he sat and he smirked watching you.

"Good girl, so wet for me as well." He chuckled as he began aligning himself at your entrance before sinking into you. You moaned out as he stretched you out, your walls clenching around him as he grunted.

"So fucking tight," You mewled out in response to him and he chuckled moaning when he began to push in and out of you. His hands gripped onto your hips as he began to thrust in and out of you, moaning our your name.

"Feels so good," You moaned out as you felt his cock moving in and out of you. Your walls gripping around him as if he belonged inside of you.

"Shit Chan," You whimpered as he continued to move inside of you, his hips slamming into you as you felt your next orgasm approaching, you squirmed underneath him. Digging your feet into his ass to make him hit deeper,

"So good!" You screamed out, dragging your nails down his back as he continued to push into you, the feeling making your head spin as it felt as though you were floating. The wet sounds filled the air with the sound of slapping skin and moans, both yours and Chan's as he continued fucking into you.

"I can feel you getting closer, do you want to cum?" He questioned, reaching down as he began rubbing your clit. You cried out at the touch and he chuckled darkly, slapping into you harder you rolled your head back in ecstasy.

"Cum." He commanded you and you did. Screaming out his name as you rolled your head back, gripping onto the sheets around you as you came harder than you ever had done before. You whimpered feeling your orgasm keep ripping through you as you clenched and twitched around him, an unfamiliar wetness came from you as you squirted around him moaning out loudly as it did.

"S-Shit! W-What-" You didn't have time to question what it was as Chan began to pump into you. Grunting loudly as he came into you hard, filling you up so much you came around him again at the feeling.

"F-Fuck." You cried out as you came down from your high, panting heavily as he pulled out of you and laid down beside you on the bed.

"Whoa." You whispered as you turned on your side to look at him, the blushing shy Chan was back and you giggled softly.

"Where did he come from?" You questioned, running your finger up and down his chest and abs as you waited for him to answer,

"Where did who come from?" He frowned looking at you as he wrapped a blanket over your body, not wanting you to get sick or catch a cold.

"Christopher." You winked at him and he chuckled shyly, shaking his head at you.

"I hope it wasn't the last time he comes out to play...I-I enjoyed that." The same smirk was back on his lips once he heard your words,

"Well if you study and pass your test maybe he'll come out to play again." He winked at you as you leant forward to give him a small kiss on the lips.

The bell rang waking you up from your daydream, you practically jumped out of your seat to get out of the classroom but Felix was faster. He raced up behind you and grabbed your elbow so you would turn to face him,

"Come home with the big boys," He whispered to you, trying to be as seductive as possible but all he was doing was coming across as a cock.

"No thanks, my boyfriend is waiting for me." You turned around to see Chan standing against the wall, he was wearing an oversized blue sweater you'd gotten him and the new pair of thick square glasses.

"Hi!" You yelled out, snatching your arm away from Felix as you walked over to Chan,

"Why was Felix holding onto you?" He questioned, wrapping his arms around you protectively as he eyed up Felix,

"He was just being an idiot. Telling me how he could fuck me how a real man should," Chan scoffed at the comment and looked at Felix.

"Trust me, the way she screams my name at night I'm surprised you haven't heard." He smirked at Felix turning you around and walking away from the boys who were all watching after you as you giggled to Chan about what you both had planned for that night.

Tagline: @taestannie @kneel-begyourpardon @channiewoo @minholuvs @lkwonmj

2K notes · View notes

finelinevogue · 4 years ago

Note

Can you write something about when Harry and Y/N broke up but fans speculate that they got back together and they did get back together. They broke over something stupid, please. You don’t have to do this exactly it can be something like that.

let’s see how this turns out! hope it’s what you wished for?!

The last few months had been rough.

What had started as rumours of a breakup between everyones favourite couple, you and Harry, had turned into an actual breakup.

It had started by Harry spending more time with Olivia, due to press for Don’t Worry Darling. They were always hanging out with each other, even when there was no publicity stunt telling them to. You found it appropriate at first, wanting the movie to gain some form of reputation, but after a while you believed it turned South. It was becoming a definite friendship and not just because they had to. It was the way that Harry would bring Olivia over for dinner without checking with you first, or taking the dog for a walk with her not you, or even staying longer out on stunts than they needed to just because they wanted to.

So you challenged Harry on it. Hell, even the tabloids were challenging you both - claiming Harry had split from you for Olivia. You made him question whether he thought his actions were irresponsible and appropriate or not, to which he thought there was nothing wrong and thought you were being irrational. You didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day, only to find him later on the phone speaking to Olivia about how crazy you’d been acting about it all. So you showed him crazy and walked out.

Until today.

For over a half a year your sister had her wedding planned and Harry was supposed to be your guest. You were nervous about turning up without him, because your family were very judgy. Your sister couldnt help being the smarter and the prettier one, but she also didn’t have to parade it around so everyone knew of it. Your mum and dad thought you a disappointment for the longest time, but once you’d gotten a job and had moved out they were a bit more loving over you. Still didn’t hide the fact they desperately hoped for you to have a relationship. It wasn’t that you were bringing Harry along to prove that someone loved you, but more to prove that they would never fully be satisfied whether you had a boyfriend or not. There would always be a podium stand slightly lower for you to stand on.

However, they didn’t know about the breakup.

“Y/N, nice to see you. Where’s Harry?” Another guest asked you, relatives of your mum. It was the same question over and over again, no one really caring about how you are but instead whether you’re in a positive relationship.

“Oh um I think he’s just running a bit late.” Was your chosen answer to respond to said question. It was repetitive, but it kept people off your back.

The wedding was completely beautiful. It was in a beautiful church and was decorated to perfection. The theme was white and royal blue, something your sister had always dreamed of. Children played amongst the pews and family relatives mumbled to each other about gossip. There was still a heavy sadness to the event. Maybe it was because your sister hadn’t asked you to be a bridesmaid - instead, choosing her best friends instead - or maybe it was because you missed Harry so much.

He’d fucked up. He really had, but it didn’t take away that burning passion for him that spread like a wildfire in your belly. You missed him. You still loved him. Worst of all, you had to pretend everything was all alright in front of your family when actually you were breaking apart inside.

Harry hadn’t messaged saying that he was or wasn’t coming, but after everything that had happened you were confident he was going to be a no show, and you would be the embarrassment of the family once again. Your relationship had been very private and exclusive, but Harry’s fans were so investigative you wouldn’t be surprised if they knew that you’d broken up and were aware that you were at a wedding today without him. Neither of you had made a public statement about your breakup, but neither of your wanted to damage each other even more. Fans suspected though and rumours travel fast.

“Y/N how are you doing? How’s Harry?” Another aunt came and asked you, this time with your mother in tow.

“Oh he’s great, yes.” You smiled forcefully, not actually having a clue how your ex-boyfriend was doing. You didn’t keep up with his social media because you were afraid of what you might find.

“Where is he? Is he here?” Your aunt asked.

“He’s late, apparently.” Your mother answered for you, sneeringly. “You’ll be made a fool of if he’s a no show Y/N.”

“I know.”

“I hope everything goes well for you both.” Your aunt kindly said, before waiting for your mum to say something nice too. That was a mistake though.

“Well it’s unlikely she’ll find someone again!” Your mother laughed and pulled your aunt away from you. You furrowed your eyebrows and let your heart sink low.

What were you thinking, letting Harry go like that? Your mum was right, you were never going to find anyone else again. You were so lucky with Harry. He was so kind and so patient with you, but obviously he’d run out of steam towards the end. It doesn’t surprise you. You’ve always been told you’re a mighty handful and you need a lot of work put into looking after you, so you understand why you were probably too much for Harry. The showbiz life had never really been something you’d completely submerged yourself into, whereas you guess for Olivia it was rooted in her from birth. She understood Harry’s world the same way he did hers. They would match perfectly for each other, if that’s what they wanted.

You watched the room continue as usual, but you couldn’t keep yourself here. There was too much sadness welling deep within you that you wanted to just run and then keep running. So you did, only to get as far as the bench in the front courtyard. The outside felt calmer and more freeing than inside, you sat and absorbed it for a while, not realising that you were crying until your pretty multicoloured dress had grown darker with a pool of your tears.

“Shit.” You tried rubbing the tears out, but only made you cry a little harder. You thought about your makeup running and tried to compose yourself, fanning your face to calm it down from the heat now.

“And here I was thinking weddings were supposed to be happy.”

You stopped fanning your face to look at him. You couldn’t believe he was standing there, dressed in a beautiful white suit and salmon pink shirt underneath to compliment the colours of your dress - the outfit that you’d helped him pick out over a year ago. He’d remembered. He trusted that you’d still be wearing this dress. He was a sight alright. A vision of beauty and love.

“Harry?” You questioned, wiping your under eyes to clear away any running mascara, not quite believing he was standing there.

“So what was it? Bad music playing? No vodka? Or maybe there’s nowhere for you to escape to go read the book I know you have stuffed away in your clutch bag.” He stood at a distance from you, hands in his trouser pockets, to make sure you were comfortable.

“I brought vodka instead of the book.” You chuckled, reaching into your clutch to prove it to him.

“Lucky for you, i’ve come to save the day.” Harry reached to the inside of his blazer pocket and pulled out a Kindle. You’d always been debating whether or not to buy one, because the feeling of having a book to turn its’ physical pages is a feeling second to none. “Take it, it’s yours.”

Harry handed it out to you and you stood up to reach for it hesitantly. Harry assured you that it was okay and that you’d been reading too many books if you thought it was a trap of some sort.

“Thank you, Harry.” You spoke sincerely. You stroked your thumb over the cover and turned the case lid over to start up the screen. The screen lit up and it was set to a picture of your favourite quote, annotated just as you would have in your own book. You chuckled and let a few tears drop from the kindness of all of this.

“And then…” Harry unlocked the Kindle with your birthday as the password, before clicking on the library so you could discover what was waiting for you on your virtual shelves. Harry had downloaded all your most favourite books, whilst also downloading the ones he knew had been on your to-be-read list. He’d even added a few of his favourite books too, just because you liked reading his recommendations.

You smiled, but felt so lost.

“W-why are you here, H?” You asked, closing the lid and bravely looking up into his enchanting eyes. You had to control yourself not to comment on how wondrous they looked.

“To save the day.” He chuckled in repeat, until he knew you weren’t taking that for an answer. “Because I fucked up. Big league time.”

“Yeah.” You whispered, looking down at your shoes to see that they weren’t that far apart at all. He was so close to you, yet he wasn’t yours to catch.

“And i’ll never forgive myself for letting you walk out of that door. The promotion shit with Olivia? Done. I’ve finished. I explained that the movie isn’t as important to me as you. You,” Harry paused to breathe out, and took the risk of guiding your jaw up to meet your gaze with his soft hand, “you are real Y/N. You’re so important and key to my life and it bloody terrified me, still does actually, to think that you make me feel this way. I want everything with you. Marriage, kids, a home. A life. I was so worried I would screw it all up, though, to the point where I did screw it all up. I lost you and so I lost me. It’s selfish of me to ask whether any part of your heart still wants me, but—”

“Yes.” You quickly interjected before he could say something he’d later regret. “There is, yes.”

“R-really?” He stumbled over his response, not expecting you to react so soon but his words had got to you. His feelings were vulnerable and raw and it reminded you of how much you love him and feel safe with him.

“Why? Would you like me to say different.” You teased.

“No,” Harry rushed, stepping closer towards you, “God now. Stay, please. Forever, if you’ll have me?”

“I can deal with forever.” You leaned up to where his lips were, craving the taste of them against yours so badly. “Can I?” You looked between his lips and his eyes, watching his eyes coo in admiration of you. His arms snaked around your neck and cupped the back of your head, resting his ringed fingers against your skin delicately.

“You don’t have to ask, angel.” And with that you didn’t hesitate to reclaim your clips on his. He tasted as sweet and as soft as you could remember. The hint of mint sweets he kept in his car could be tasted all over his mouth, and he could no doubt taste the vodka on yours. He took no time in rushing to have his tongue exploring your mouth once mouth, biting on your lip when he got the chance to. He wanted you to remember this moment and how much love he has for you, and always will. Just as you do for him.

Hesitantly pulling away you smiled at him cheekily, feeling so much lighter and happier to have him here. With you in his arms so expertly.

“What?” He asked, leaving a quick kiss to your nose, inhaling his scent as he did.

“Just can’t believe you’re here.” You stroked his cheek with your thumb, and he leaned into your touch so comfortably. He had missed you so damn much, and it showed.

“Let you down once before and I wasn’t going to do it again.”

“So you’d have shown up even if I hadn’t?”

“Not happily, but yes.” He laughed thinking about it.

“Why?” You laughed with him.

“I’ve got to make my impression on your family somehow. Need to remind some of them how amazing and beautiful their special Y/N L/N is.”

“Some are going to need a lot more persuading than others.” You sighed, side-frowning over your words.

“No offence, but anyone who doesn’t treat you as a fucking diamond doesn’t deserve you and should watch out for kick up their backside from me.” You laughed over his empty threat and buried your head against his chest, listening to the heartbeat and rumble of laughter that came from within. This moment alone felt like home. Safe and warm.

“I love you, H.”

“Bloody love you too.”

Harry ended up returning to the wedding with you, much to your mothers surprise, and you both enjoyed the celebrations together. You shut yourselves out from everybody and just danced, talked and drank the night away.

You were so in love.

Later, photos got leaked of the wedding and it showed you and Harry dancing away in one of the backgrounds of the photos. It was supposed to be a shot of just the bride and groom, but you two have managed to get caught in it. You looked so caught up in each other that you still weren’t even aware the photo had been taken. You and Harry had determinedly avoided the camera all night, exactly for this reason, but a part of you was kind of happy that this one photo got leaked, because it showed the world that Harry was yours and you were his. It showed that you were together, or back-together as addressed by some FBI fans, and that you were stronger for it.

544 notes · View notes

thornedrose44 · 4 years ago

Text

Prompt: "Do it. Take a chance, I'm begging you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been."

Read on AO3

“What is it?” Kara huffed out, her frustration finally reaching critical mass.

“What’s what?” Alex replied, playing dumb by pretending to study the DEO’s monitors far too intently considering Kara had literally just dispatched the rogue villain of the week.

Kara crossed her arms, hip cocked forward slightly as she leant against the central console, blue eyes observing her sister's profile closely.

“Whatever you’re not telling me because you think it will upset me.” The superhero clarified bluntly, her social hesitation and uncertainty having dampened over the last few years.

She had learnt the hard way how important it was to never shy away from the truth and avoid speaking around the heart of the matter. It was a lesson she had absorbed completely, and it was one she refused to forget - needing to prove she had evolved, had bettered herself from the version that had required teaching in the first place.

“I’m not…” Alex refuted, shrugging dismissively but keeping her gaze trained forward, “There’s no-“

“Look, I’m asking you out of courtesy,” Kara cut in, “but you and I both know that I could just as easily ask Nia, and she would fold almost instantly.”

Alex grumbled irritably under her breath - Nia still had yet to build an effective resistance to Kara’s puppy dog eyes and this particular weakness had caused no small amount of trouble for Alex over the last five years.

“It is Lena related, right?” Kara checked, though it was completely unnecessary.

For Alex to actively try and keep a secret from her, it couldn’t be about anything else. And it had been more or less confirmed by her sister's reaction to her threatening to go to Nia.

“Just because I’m keeping a secret, doesn’t automatically mean it’s to do with Lena.” Alex tried, though the conviction behind her statement was weaker than wet tissue paper.

The redhead side-eyed her and Kara merely had to arch an unimpressed eyebrow in return for the DEO director to deflate.

“Okay maybe it’s a little to do with Lena.” Alex admitted with a wince, rubbing the back of her neck in defeat.

Kara threw her hands up in exasperation. “It’s been over five years, okay? I’m fine!”

Her bellowed declaration of stability, made the nearby DEO agents look over with a mix of curiosity and concern. Kara grimaced at the reaction and as such didn’t resist when Alex grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the central room and into her private office.

Alex turned to face her fully, lips pressed tight together and hands firm on her own hips (it had always annoyed Kara that Alex managed to make her signature superhero pose far more intimidating than her own attempts).

“Yelling I’m fine, definitely helps your case.” Alex retorted, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kara had the good grace to look suitably embarrassed for a moment before launching into the same variation of the speech she gave every time there was a morsel of Lena news to be had. “I screwed up, okay? Big time screwed up - ‘regret it for the rest of my life’ screwed up!” Kara declared prompting a beleaguered sigh from her sister who knew the blatant lie that was coming next. “But I’ve made my peace with it. I won’t spiral into another depressive episode when I hear how happy she is.”

Alex shook her head, not even remotely convinced - not that Kara could blame her, the last time Alex had been pestered into telling her a Lena update, Kara had spent a weekend on a drinking binge that had successfully proven that there were limits even for a kryptonian.

“I don’t think-“ Alex began.

“What is it?” Kara demanded. “Is she getting another medal from the president?”

Alex shook her head, jaw clenching and unclenching. “Kara, you don’t want to know this.”

“Her and Kal save the world again?” Kara barrelled on, her lips curling into a jealous snarl. “The greatest Luthor and Super duo continue to make the world a better place?”

That particular news article had been printed and burned by Kara’s heat vision more times than she dared admit to anyone.

“Kara, please-“ Alex begged, expression crumpling as Kara relentlessly pushed.

“Tell me, I can take it.” Kara proclaimed, voice coming out high pitched and strained. “Is she dating someone again? Another famous actress? That Olympic male gymnast? What-“

“She’s getting married.”

A bomb must have gone off, Kara thought to herself.

A kryptonite bomb.

It was the only thing that could explain the ringing in her ears, and the way everything just… hurt.

A shard of kryptonite must have pierced her chest and cut her heart into jagged pieces. That was the only thing that could explain it.

“What?” She questioned, barely above a whisper. She didn’t quite recognise her own voice - it sounded shattered and unfamiliar. She also didn’t know what she was asking.

Didn’t know what ‘what’ was all about.

What just happened?

What did you say?

What post-apocalyptic reality are we living in now?

“Next week, she’s getting married.” Alex explained, giving Kara answers she no longer wanted. “Sam, Ruby, Kal and Lois are invited.”

She knew it should sting. Not being invited even though they hadn’t spoken in nearly five years. That she should feel something about the fact that Lena had omitted Alex, Brainy, Nia and J’onn as well - it further reinforced how Lena believed them to be Kara’s friends and never hers (which was one of the things Kara regretted most - how her poor treatment of Lena had infected and destroyed everyone else’s friendship with the youngest Luthor).

“To who?” Kara asked, tone cold, hollow… empty.

“Kara,” Alex murmured softly, reaching out to comfort her sister, “this clearly isn’t good for you.”

Kara jerked backwards so fast that the papers on Alex’s desk shot into the air, fluttering down around the sisters like snow.

“Just tell me!” Kara ordered, hands turned into white knuckle fists at her sides that would be capable of tearing through the strongest of metals. Her eyes heated but she managed to stave the fire in them as she glowered at her sister.

Alex slumped back, leaning heavily against her desk, running a frantic hand through her short hair. “Does it matter?” Alex muttered defeatedly, brown eyes filled with pity and sympathy as she stared up into Kara’s eyes.

“Of course it fucking matters,” Kara snapped in outrage before she had a chance to stop and think , “because it’s not me!”

The admission hung heavy and rotting between them. It wasn’t a revelation to either of them, though the fact that the intensity of Kara’s feelings hadn’t dampened despite the separation of half a decade was.

“Kara…” Alex breathed, standing back up and moving towards the blonde with the obvious intent of hugging her.

“I should get back to CatCo.” Kara mumbled, cheeks a fiery red with shame. She stepped hurriedly away from her sister and was already halfway out the door before she halted, turning back to call out a sad yet sincere. “Thanks for telling me.”

Xxx

“I genuinely don’t get why you love these films so much.” Lena remarked, hands cupping her just made cup of cocoa, nose adorably scrunched up as she snuggled back down on the sofa beside Kara, who didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around her best friend’s shoulders.

“They’re sweet and romantic.” Kara replied with a happy sigh, turning to nuzzle into the side of Lena’s head for a fleeting moment as the film’s lead started her joyful march down the aisle. “It makes me hopeful.”

“Hopeful?” Lena repeated curiously, leaning away slightly so she could meet Kara’s blue eyes.

Kara shrugged, ducking her head bashfully, “It’s stupid.”

“Hey,” Lena murmured gently, freeing a hand from her mug so that she could interlace her warmed fingers with Kara’s, “you could never be stupid, especially not about something like this.” Her best friend asserted, before asking seriously, “You want the classic big white wedding?”

“Uh…” Kara blushed, cheeks pinking as her mind struggled to kick into gear.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena that the reason she loved weddings more than any other event is because they so closely resembled Kryptonian Bonding ceremonies. That the exchanging of rings, polished everlasting metal, reminded her of wonderfully crafted bracelets clasped on wrists. That it was an occasion for family to join together across generations, for the rare flashes of art and music on Krypton to take centre stage over cold science.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena that after being alone, abandoned and lost - ripped away from her home in the cruelest of ways - that the idea of belonging to someone else, of having a home in someone else regardless of time or location was what Kara wanted more than anything else.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena because it would require admitting the truth of who she really was, it would require taking accountability for years of lies.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena without losing her forever.

“Yeah.” Kara coughed awkwardly, “I want the whole thing. Beautiful dress, surrounded by family… the love of my life at the end of the aisle. Everything.” She shot Lena a side-long glance, “I’m guessing you don’t?”

“Never really been my thing,” Lena admitted readily and Kara’s heart twisted at how Lena didn’t hesitate to bare herself, how she gave all of herself when it could be argued that Kara - at best - only gave half, “probably because I can’t imagine I have enough people in my life to invite and feel ‘surrounded’.” Lena pursed her lips thoughtfully, “I also don’t get the need for the spectacle. Just the idea that there’s someone out there that would want to…” Kara watched her best friend deflate, expression wistful and pained, “be with me, love me like that… that’s more than enough.”

Kara’s eyes stung with barely suppressed tears at how little Lena thought of herself. Whoever had the privilege of marrying her best friend would be the single luckiest and most fortunate person in the universe and Kara wished Lena knew that, wished she believed it. But when she opened her mouth to say it, to proclaim it, her breath faltered and her courage abandoned her… like it always did with the youngest Luthor.

“So no white dress?” Kara muttered instead, voice meek and lacking the lightheartedness that should have carried the question.

It didn’t matter, though, Lena let out a quick exhale that resembled something on the edge of laughter. Kara’s escalating heart rate settled at that, however, it did little to alleviate the pang of regret that was steadily accompanying all her interactions with the CEO.

“Well, I guess I could be convinced by someone special.” Lena teased, shooting Kara an overtly salacious wink that wouldn’t - on the surface - be considered genuine.

“Anyone that marries you will have to be special.” Kara replied, the statement tumbling out instantly.

It wasn’t the heartfelt confession that Kara wished it to be and it wasn’t quite light enough to be dismissed as a friendly reassurance. Instead, it was yet another thing that fell into the ethereal greyness that lied between them, something to tuck away and think back on late at night when they tried to work out if the other meant it the way they wished they did.

“Yeah?” Lena whispered, piercing green eyes studying Kara’s face closely.

Kara swallowed thickly, “Yeah.”

Xxx

Lena found out less than six weeks after that movie night. They defeated Lex and Kara had been on the edge of breathing easy, of being able to simply relax back into her life when it all came crashing down.

They had been at Games Night and Kara had been antsy, waiting for her best friend to arrive. The thought of pulling Lena into a hug had been what she had been looking forward to most all day.

Kara was at peace, laughing and drinking with her friends - her family - when Lena had arrived. Kara had beamed up at her immediately and for a second Lena’s entrancing green eyes lit up in return before turning dark and distant.

Kara’s smile faltered, crinkle appearing between her brows when-

The wine bottle smashed into the wall behind Kara’s head.

Deathly silence fell over the area.

Kara looked into hollow, emptied out versions of her favourite green. She would have preferred anger, fury, rage… the defeated nothingness staring back at the Kryptonian was far worse.

Lena turned and left, grinding Kara’s heart to dust and taking the sand particles left with her.

She knew.

She knew because Lex had told her.

She knew because she had gone to stop her brother, intent on saving the world like always only to find out that those she was saving the world for didn’t view her as their equal. That the people she treated as family had kept her on the outskirts. That her best friend had lied, had manipulated, had-

xxx

It was Lois that found out everything from Lena.

When the fallout had happened, as Kara and the Superfriends realised what they had lost, the blonde hero sent notice to her cousin that his identity was probably known as well (mostly because she remembered how hurt she had been when Kal shared her secret without her consent). Kal and Lois had arrived almost immediately, frantic and terrified (especially with baby Jon to consider) at the concept of a Luthor knowing their identity.

Kara, joined by all the Superfriends, quickly put their minds to rest, sharing Lena’s actions from before, her dependability, kindness and inherent goodness. Kal and Lois were convinced their secret was safe but they were horrified to hear how Lena had been isolated and kept at arms length after her considerable good deeds. Alex and the others had squirmed uncomfortably and tried to weakly talk around their hesitancy.

Kal and Lois had simply looked at Kara for an explanation but she had none. Yet again the words would not come.

It was Lois, therefore, that had sought out the youngest Luthor and through her incredible tenacity was able to gain access where everyone else was rebuffed and harshly rejected.

It was Lois that comforted Lena, gave her support and sympathy.

It was Lois that relayed Lena’s demand that they give her space.

It was Lois that suggested Lena return to Metropolis - presenting it as a way to celebrate how L-Corp, after Lena’s repeated sacrifices and heroism, was fully rehabilitated and ready to reclaim its once home.

It was Lois that encouraged Lena and Kal to work together becoming an unstoppable force that Kara and Lena had always danced on the precipice of.

A Luthor and a Super. Saving the world.

xxx

Kara did as asked. Gave Lena space. Or at least the semblance of space.

She checked in constantly, hovered nearby throughout the days and nights leading upto L-Corp’s departure and Lena along with it. She followed Lena’s jet to Metropolis, a sentinel ensuring safe passage.

She kept her distance for three months. Three months of stony silence before she broke.

Snapped, more like.

Landing on Lena’s new balcony in Metropolis that had been specially built for Superman this time - not for her, though Kara, at the time, had hoped that she had been considered consciously or unconsciously as well.

Kara couldn’t remember the exact words.

She remembered crying from beginning to end.

Remembered ‘I loved you’ - past tense.

Remembered finally breaking through Lena’s cold, hardened shell to the raw, bleeding wound hidden underneath and regretting it almost immediately.

Remembered how seeing Lena’s agony was worse than kryptonite, worse than watching Krypton burn…

Remembered Lena saying she needed time to heal, for Kara to stop hovering nearby - because she knew, she sensed Kara’s presence even without seeing her once - and to give her time to stop thinking of Kara and feeling only pain when she did so.

Remembered promising to do just that.

Remembered a timer starting to count in her head - the seconds that she would be condemned to purgatory.

Remembered the hope that just refused to go out - the hope that whispered give it time, give it time, give it time with every beat of her heart.

Remembered thinking that given enough time Lena would reach out and they would get the chance that Kara had almost destroyed for them.

Remembered flying zig-zagged and dangerous to Alex where her endless stream of tears returned to full flow as she sobbed into her sister’s shoulder using words and phrases like ‘heartbroken’ and ‘I love her’ and ‘I can’t survive this pain’ and ‘what do I do?’ and ‘I can’t breathe’.

Remembered a hollowed out shell of Kara Danvers moving through the motions for a year, for two, three, four… five...

Remembered taking up drinking to excess whenever she saw Lena’s life flourish and grow - not because she didn’t want Lena to be happy, that was what Kara wanted and wished for more than anything - because she wasn’t there with her for those life-changing events.

Remembered Alex and Kelly’s worries growing with each occurrence, intervening more and more to such a degree that they encouraged Kara to consider AA meetings - she did eventually, and found destroying entire junkyards to be a healthier coping mechanism, external destruction rather than internal.

Remembered Brainy at the behest of Alex, setting up Kara’s phone and computer to prevent searching for any keywords affiliated to Lena and to alert Alex if Kara ever managed to stumble upon a news article.

Remembered listening to Kal and Lois skipping large parts of stories where it was clear that Lena was involved - it was nice in some way to know Lena was getting the credit she deserved, but it hurt when Kal’s stories started to involve gaps at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year (events that made Kara’s loneliness even more acute and her longing intensify).

Remembered her life without Lena.

Remembered regret and guilt and loss.

Remembered-

“She’s getting married.”

xxx

Kara shouldn’t have been there. Shouldn’t be anywhere in the vaguest vicinity of where she currently was.

The bride was dressed in a simple silky white shift, sipping intermittently from her champagne glass as she stared contemplatively up at the designer white dress hanging off the door in front of her. Raven locks were pinned up, so tight and intricate that it made Kara wince sympathetically at how it must tug and pinch at the bride’s scalp - she’d always preferred it down, loose and curling… soft and inviting. The bride’s make-up was artistic with a dramatic edge that would captivate but made her look… not like herself in Kara’s opinion.

Or maybe after five years it made Lena look more like herself - the version of herself she had become once free of Kara and all the pain she brought into her life.

She was hovering outside the dressing room window, trying to work out how far she was willing to take this. If it would be better to leave without saying anything, to try and leave some part of Lena’s life unspoiled.

It was the fear that she had always given into when she was best friends with Lena that made her decision for her. Like speaking her truth and learning to ask for what she wanted - Kara had also promised herself that she would never allow that bone deep fear to stop her ever again.

The window was open and it was as good an invite as Kara was ever going to get.

“Lena?”

The beautiful bride-to-be jerked in her place, champagne glass nearly tumbling to the floor but saved at the last second.

She didn’t turn around for a beat… then two…

Kara was just about to escape back through the window when Lena exhaled slowly and pivoted round to meet her.

“Kara?” Lena breathed out, green eyes closed off and wary.

The kryptonian studied the love of her life for a moment, taking in every little detail - soaking it all up as if accepting that this would be the last time she might ever get to see it again. That the timer that had counted past five years would stop after this moment, the hope powering it gone forever.

“Don’t marry them, please.” Kara requested, no flowery language, no build up. Just the honest truth.

“What?” Lena’s jaw dropped and the champagne glass didn’t survive the second shock, crashing to the ground - released by trembling fingers.

“Don’t marry them.” Kara repeated, uncaring of how the carpet below them soaked up the amber liquid.

Lena’s expression flitted through an array of emotions before settling on indignant rage, “And why the hell not?!”

Kara didn’t flinch, didn’t retreat, instead she stood taller, the crest of her super suit catching the early afternoon light. “Because it should have been me. It still should be me.”

Lena scoffed in disbelief, “You can’t be serious. Now? You’re doing this now?”

Kara pursed her lips, fighting back the regret that always came with the reminders of countless missed opportunities. “Yes.”

The straightforwardness of Kara’s answers seemed to be throwing Lena, leaving her wrong-footed, clearly expecting the blonde to talk around and hint and imply like she used to.

But Kara had learnt. (The lesson had been too painful not to.)

“You had years, Kara!” Lena argued, “Years where I…. I threw myself at you. Practically begged you to love me… to trust me…”

“I know.” Kara replied sadly, wanting desperately to reach out when Lena’s pretty green eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. “I know. But I’m here now.”

“I don’t want you to be.” Lena muttered, arms crossed over her chest and head ducked downwards to hide her expression.

“I know that too.” Kara assured, fingers twitching with the desire to make contact, to comfort and coax - even after all these years her body remembered, the pathways of hardwired instinct related to her best friend were still there, still active even if temporarily closed for service.

“Then why are you here?” Lena murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Lena’s head snapped up at that, green eyes like saucers.

Kara’s single biggest regret was that she had never said those words to Lena before, had alluded and pointed at them during their final interaction but had never outright said them. And Lena had deserved to hear them then and deserved to hear them now to forever vanquish the doubts that had always been with her.

“Because I’m in love with you and we didn’t get our chance.” Kara affirmed, taking a half step closer to the bride, her red heeled boots and Lena’s bare feet meaning the younger woman had to tip her head ever so slightly back to maintain eye contact. “We didn’t get our chance because of me. Because I was afraid, I was so afraid of losing you. Of doing even the slightest thing that could mean you weren’t in my life. And in the end every action I took out of fear of losing you ensured just that. I’ve spent five years without you, Lena, and I can’t bear a single day more.”

“Kara,” Lena whispered, “I’m getting married.”

“I know.” Kara smiled sadly before adding, “Don’t.”

“What are you suggesting? Seriously?” Lena sighed, shaking her head mournfully and Kara knew she was losing her then.

“I’m suggesting that we have our chance now before it's gone forever.”

Gathering the small amount of courage Kara had left, she tentatively let her hands nudge forwards, brushing against Lena’s cool, pale fingers. That small contact was everything. Made it easier to breathe, made the colours of the world more vibrant, made everything just more.

“I let fear hold me back from the person that made me happiest in the entire universe and I won’t let it hold me back again.”

“Kara…” Lena whimpered, glancing back over her shoulder at the closed door that her wedding dress was displayed on, though she didn’t pull her hand away from Kara’s touch, didn’t flinch or retreat.

“Do it.” Kara pleaded, stepping across that final slither of distance between them, her forehead leaning forward to rest gently against the side of Lena’s, “Take a chance, I’m begging you. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.”

Lena inhaled shakily, head returning to forward facing - foreheads pressed against one another, breathing in the same air - and then… and then…

Lena’s hands slipped fully into Kara’s, fingers intertwining together.

#supercorp #supercorpfic #i feel no remorse for this #tempted to do a part two

327 notes · View notes

heisenbergsmetalboobie · 4 years ago

Text

Here's some headcannons no one asked for, for the lords since I can't get a single one of them out of my head.

Please be aware this is only how I see each character! If you have different hcs, cool these are just mine :)

Alcina Dimitrescu

She's a lesbian or well, she likes female presenting people. In my opinion, there's no denying that she hates men. For goodness sake she calls Ethan 'stupid manthing.'

'Why does she hate men?' You ask well, i believe that the men of the village caused her to hate men. It's clear that Alcina is extremely attractive, but maybe some of the men in the village took it too far: Cat-calling her and eventually her daughters. Their comments overtime annoyed her, especially when if came to her daughters. She fixed it by bringing the men to castle dimitrescu and, as heisenberg puts it, the man's dick is cut off in the castle.

When castle dimitrescu was more lively, Alcina had a couple flings with some of her maids. Though all of her maids end up dead one way or the other, I think she turned the ones she liked the most into Moroaică. The rest obviously were turned into dinner for her and her daughters

Speaking of daughters, Alcina is definitely a better mother than mother Miranda. Seeing as Miranda saw her and the rest of her siblings as monsters, I'm sure Alcina was kind to her daughters. I don't think she'd want them to feel like monsters themselves, so their childhoods were filled with many positive affirmations. Maybe, too many seeing as all three girls have very large egos.

Alcina's opinions on the other lords are very clear. She has hatred for all of them, though it varies depending on each one. The one she hates the least is probably Donna, she enjoys their company somewhat. That is, as long as Angie isn't around. Alcina hates that stupid doll, honestly she hates all the dolls. They oddly make her unsettled, as if Donna wasn't unsettling anyways.

Moreau is hated by Alcina due to him thinking that Miranda is actually his mother. Well, he may not say it out loud but the way he addresses her and looks at her makes Alcina sick. His looks are only the cherry on top, in her mind how could she be family with something that looks like that?

Lastly is Heisenberg. At first, she didn't mind his presence. He didn't look like an abomination and could hold decent conversation, that was until she saw how much Mother Miranda favored him. This pissed her off to no end, after learning that she began to see more flaws in him. From the way he speaks to his manners, almost every part of him infuriates her. How could Mother Miranda favor such a man child? How could she pick Heisenberg over her? Now even being around him for meer minutes makes her want to shred him to bits.

Donna Beneviento

When it comes to sexuality and gender, Donna can't really express it though Angie can I don't think they would be willing to tell their 'family' their identity. If Donna were to express it, I'd feel she'd use she/they pronouns or identity as nonbinary. I can't really explain it, I just get nonbinary vibes from them. As for sexuality, I'm unsure of their romantic attraction but she's definitely asexual. Once again, I can't explain it but they have the vibes.

Aside from Angie, Donna has built every single one of her dolls from scratch. Seriously they even carve the wood and hand paint each one. Creating these dolls is one of the few things that bring Donna peace. Honestly, she sees these dolls as more of a family than Mother Miranda's 'family.'

Another one of Donna's hobbies includes tending to their plants. Seriously, in the spring and summer months her home is covered in beautiful greenery. They are just fascinated with how plants can be used for other purposes, like with the fungal-infected plants. Almost all the books within her estate are about different plants and their properties and the lab they have is used to test those abilities. Though their test subjects are never well behaved due to being lycans.

When it comes to the other members in Miranda's 'family', Donna doesn't seem to care for them. She doesn't enjoy any of their company, especially Moreau. Though they don't express it themselves, Donna makes sure to let the others know her opinion them via Angie. The one she can stand the most is probably Alcina, mostly due to her being alot quieter than the others.

Salvatore Moreau

This poor poor fish man. Moreau is physically the most unpleasant lord and he knows it. He's insecure. How could he not when the rest of his family call him horrible names? He's constantly put down by the people he truley feels closest to. This includes the woman who he truly sees as his mother.

Though he doesn't enjoy his family's comments, he desperately wants their approval. Especially Heisenberg. Moreau looks up to his as if Karl is his older brother, even though Moreau a great deal older than him. If the metal bender will allow it, he does his best to help out. Sadly, it doesn't last long since the factory is so dry and his vomit causes the metal to rust.

When he's not conducting experiments, he's watching sappy romance movies on his TV. Though Moreau doesn't believe he'll ever find love, he likes seeing others be happy. Sadly, once Heisenberg found out about Moreau's hobby he make fun of him to no end. So now, he's ashamed of watching something that makes him happy

Look, I love all of the lords but when it comes to them being mean to Moreau I wanna punch them.

Karl Heisenberg

This man is 1000 percent bisexual/pansexual. The way he flirts with Ethan is undeniable. The only thing keeping me from saying that he's gay is the pure fact that I simp for him.

Karl is alot smarter than he looks, seriously he built a whole army of machine people. Though he is smart, he likes to play the role of the stupid redneck. He'd rather someone underestimate him in a fight rather than overestimate him.

In his free time, I like to think that Karl prank calls the other lords. He did set up their phone lines after all. His constant prank calling has made Alcina miss a couple of important calls from Mother Miranda and made Donna completely take apart her phone line. Moreau on the other hand is so gullible, that he believe everything Karl says during his prank calls:

Moreau, innocently answer his phone: Hello?

Heisenberg, snickering: hey, is your refrigerator running?

Moreau: um..I think so-

Heisenberg: then you better go catch it!

Moreau, on the verge of tears: No! Ny fridge!!

Karl gets very bored easily. So bored in fact that he goes and explores the village and surrounding forest. During one of these explorations, he stumbled upon Miranda's lab. This caused him to find documents on him and the other lords. After reading them, it gave him a better reason to build up his army and take down Mother Miranda once and for all.

This man definitely has his own personal lycan that he treats like a dog. He has a comfy bed and treats for this thing. Karl knows that the lycan was once a human, but he doesn't give a damn. So what it use to be a person! It looks like a dog now and dammit he wants a dog.

#lady dimitrescu #karl heisenberg #donna beneviento #salvator moreau #moreau #resident evil #resident evil village #resident evil village head cannons #hc #resident evil 8

498 notes · View notes

ca-8 · 4 years ago

Text

Yakko x Reader Scenario: When You First Meet

'This is it. The beginning of the end.'

Gripping on the straps of her backpack, (Y/n) exited the bus and stared up at the water tower that displayed the famous Warner Bros. logo. As expected, it emitted a smug aura onto the entire area; however, surprisingly, there was a slight twinge of mystery to it as well. But she didn't have time to ponder about it, so she only gave it an uneasy look and headed straight for the entrance.

Her heart stopped. She knew the place was going to be busy, but it was like an entire New York City packed in one section! So many writers, producers, actors, large men carrying heavy sets, every type of person working in film was scattered all over the place. It was like an ocean, with the people as marine life doing what they're designed to do, and (Y/n) being the puppy that was abandoned at sea.

The moment it all settled in, an involuntary realization invaded her thoughts. 'I don't belong here.'

The young girl reminded herself to breathe and rushed over to a vacant wall, then pulled out her phone. She had already sent her mother about a thousand messages telling her she was here, but since she hasn't responded, a few more shouldn't hurt. Fingers rapidly typing away, she bit her lower lip, already wishing she had stayed on that bus.

"Oh, you're just gonna love it!" Her mother's squealing voice had already filled her skull. "You're so talented, I know you're gonna fit right in."

'Yeah, standing around all day with a bunch of people I don't know while doing something I suck at is exactly how I wanna spend my summer.' She let out a soft sigh. 'It's fine. Just shut up and make her happy, (Y/n).'

Several attempts of calling and texting later, no response. (Y/n) sighed again, and her eyes wandered over to the bustling crowd. 'No way. Absolutely no way.' But if she wanted to get the day over with, absolutely yes way.

First, she walked up to a lady looking down at the clipboard in her hands. "Um, excuse me," (Y/n) said.

The lady's head snatched up. "KYLE!" she yelled, her eyes now ablaze with fury, "YOU IDIOT! THAT GOES IN THE WAREHOUSE ACROSS THE STUDIO!" And like there was nothing but a breeze behind her, the lady stomped off to the poor soul that had to face her wrath.

The breeze took a step back and ran around the corner. 'Maybe I'll find someone else instead…!' (Y/n) stopped and spotted a man sitting on the steps that lead to the entrance of a small building. She swallowed whatever was left in her mouth and reluctantly approached him.

"E-Excuse me, sir?" she stuttered, hoping her voice was louder than the last time. As she got closer, (Y/n) noticed he was chuckling, and his gaze was glued onto a small piece of paper.

"I...I did it…!" he said. She yelped and shrinked back when he suddenly jumped to his feet. "I FINALLY DID IT! WE'LL SEE WHO'S REGRETTING THE DIVORCE NOW, MARGARET!" And with a manic laugh, the man dashed into the building.

'...Or maybe I'll just find it myself.'

It wasn't too long before (Y/n) got herself lost. Despite the help of maps that were stuck to some of the buildings, all of them seemed exactly the same. It was like a maze, and with each passing minute, she was more and more convinced that there was no finish line. Even worse, her mother was too busy to respond to anything she sent her.

'Oh, what should I do?' (Y/n) thought for the thousandth time. No matter how hard she pinched or held them, her arms refused to stop trembling. Not too long ago, the outside of the studio became deserted and she'd hate to walk in a warehouse and possibly interrupt something important, so asking for help again was out of the question.

...Or, perhaps it wasn't.

A tiny, hopeful smile crossed (Y/n)'s face when she heard the sounds of frustrated grunts around the corner. It was the first time she was so relieved to see a stranger.

And thank god that stranger was a security guard. Though she wondered why he had a giant net in his hand, she shoved the curiosity as far in the back of her mind as she could and reached up to gently tap his shoulder.

"Um, excuse me sir?" she asked as loud as she could.

His head whipped around, revealing angry eyes and a scowl that said he was ready to kill. But right as his gaze landed on her, it changed within an instant.

"Oh, hello!" he said with a bright smile.

(Y/n) blinked, cocking her head. ‘What was this guy up to?’

"I'm sorry to bother you, but do you know where (M/n) (L/n) is filming? I'm her daughter, (Y/n), and I'm trying to look for her. She's not answering her phone either."

His joyful expression slowly melted into a confused one. "Uuhhh…(M/n) (L/n)?”

“Yes. She’s a part of Animal Kingdom? Do you know where that’s being filmed?”

“Oh! I know there’s a zoo around here called Animal Kingdom! I don’t think you’ll find it in a film studio, though.”

(Y/n) frowned. “...No, I mean the show. Aren’t they filming in a warehouse today? Do you know where that is?”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

Her eye twitched, and she was just about ready to drown the entire studio in the nearest ocean. “N-Nevermind, I’ll just-”

As if the universe wasn’t satisfied with tormenting her enough, the security guard suddenly launched up into the air and flew into the sky. Right before her eyes, the heavens were coated with explosives of every color that ever existed.

“Oh my god!” (Y/n) yelled. ‘Who strapped fireworks on that guy?!’

“Oh, I knew you’d love it!”

Her eyes were ripped from the loud fireworks show as she was immediately smothered in a hug. “It’s so nice that another girl’s here! All the other ones here are either too busy or just keep shouting about a restraining order for some reason. I dunno, but anyway, I just know you're gonna love it here! Anyway, my name’s Princess Angelina Louisa Cantessa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the third! But since we're friends now, you can just call me Dot.”

This confirmed it. This was a trap set up by her mother to deliberately drive her insane, because how else can someone explain the nut jobs and talking dogs in pink dresses?

A combination of those two things happened to be clutching her head and digging her face into hers. “...Huh?” (Y/n) mumbled.

‘Dot’ jumped off of her and smiled widely. “Sorry about Ralph by the way. I figured out you were coming at the last second and I really needed someone for your welcoming gift.” she said.

(Y/n) glanced up at the sky where the fireworks were slowly dying down. “Um...Is he gonna be okay?” she asked.

“Of course he will!” her backpack said.

The teen screamed and threw her bag on the ground. A hand popped out and unzipped it with impossible ease, then a taller boy version of Dot jumped out, pulling up his long brown pants and flashing a grin.

“H-...H-H-How did you…?!” (Y/n) stuttered, pointing at him.

“What? Never heard of cartoon logic?” he said, approaching her. “And Ralph’ll be fine. His skull’s so thick, concrete’s the last thing that can kill him.”

“What-?”

“Anyhow,” he walked over to Dot and put an arm over her shoulder, “The name’s Yakko, this here’s my beloved baby sister Dot, and this is-” He stopped, staring at the empty space to his left. He leaned into Dot, whispering, “Say, uh, you don't mind looking for Wakko, do ya sis?”

Dot glanced at (Y/n) for an uncomfortable moment and suddenly shot her brother a glare. "I've got eyes all over this studio, Yakko," she warned, slowly stepping away.

Now (Y/n) certainly knew she didn't see pairs of eyes appear around every inch of her sight. 'Oh god, I didn't breath in drugs on the way here, did I? Actually, that would explain whatever the heck's going on.'

Yakko smiled as he watched his sister leave and turned to (Y/n). He walked closer to her, and she realized that his half-lidded eyes had a strange glint in them. “Sooo, your name’s (Y/n), right? A pretty name for a pretty girl.”

(Y/n)’s face heated up. ‘First I get lost, then see a guy get blown up, and now some other guy’s flirting with me? ...To be honest, this is still better than what Mom had planned for today.’

“So what brings ya’ here?” he asked.

“O-Oh, well, my Mom was supposed to give me a tour of the studio, but I’ve been giving that to myself all day. I tried finding her, but I’m pretty sure I’m nowhere near it by now.” Her eyes wandered over to the ground, but a realization made them perk back up and over to Yakko. “Hey, do you happen to know this place by any chance?”

“Know it? Please, my sibs and I live here, we know this place by heart and soul!” He mumbled something else, along the lines of “Basically made our hearts and souls”.

Her heart jumped; finally, a piece of good news. “Really?” she said, a smile spreading across her face.

He nodded. “So where do ya’ need to go?” Before she could answer, he pulled out a piece of folded paper and moved in so close, their shoulders were smooshed together. Yakko unfolded it, and it turned out to be the biggest map (Y/n) has ever seen. “Well, from here, you’re gonna need to take a right and continue straight until you get to the Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts exhibit. But be careful, I heard some of them escaped, and if anyone asks if you’ve seen any of them, don’t tell them I gave one to Dot as a late birthday gift. Anyway, you take a left from there, then a right where you’ll see the lot where they used to shoot Game of Thrones. Now this is only a rumour I’ve heard, but I think some of the producers are still on that set. If you happen to see them, do not, I repeat, DO NOT mention season eight, or maybe just don’t mention the show at all. Actually, don’t even look at them. As a matter of fact, you probably shouldn’t even go there at all, just keep heading straight until you get to the D.C. Universe lot. Then you just take left there, then a sharp right over over, then you keep going straight until you get to here, turn up over there, turn right there, and then you’re there. Did ya’ follow all that?”

(Y/n) stared at his face, which was practically radiating with enthusiasm, and she felt her eye twitch again. “...No,” she said, shaking her head.

His smile dimmed, but it became just as bright as the sun again a split-second later. “Ah well, maps are gettin' old anyways,” he said, throwing the map over his shoulder. “WAKKO!!”

And, low and behold, another anthropomorphic dog popped out of nowhere, and (Y/n) was starting to question if there was an army of them hidden somewhere. But she had to admit, it was pretty cute how this one was dressed in an oversized blue sweater and red hat.

“Tablet, please,” Yakko said politely, holding out his hand.

‘You're not gonna walk me there-?'

Wakko suddenly held his head back with his cheeks puffed out, then leaned into Yakko’s hand as he forced out a small object from his mouth. After an incredibly uneasy moment, a tablet glazed in spit was in Yakko's grasp. While he praised the little guy, (Y/n) forced back the urge to vomit.

“E-Ehhhh…?” She couldn’t say anything else while her gaze frantically went back and forth from Wakko and the regurgitated tablet.

“Oh! Where are my manners?” Yakko said. “(Y/n), this is my dear little brother, Wakko. Wakko, this here’s our new special friend, (Y/n).”

“Hello!” Wakko greeted, who was suddenly in her arms. “You’re really pretty!”

“Ehh? Thank you? I guess??” she said apprehensively, and finally managed to make eye contact. Despite his...quirks, he's actually a little adorable... She let herself grin a little.

The moment of semi-peace was ruined when she took notice of Yakko’s narrowed eyes. “ALrighty, (Y/n)!” he said loudly, grabbing his little brother by the collar and gently setting him on the ground. “Animal Kingdom, right? Let’s get ya’ right over there.” He moved right beside her and taped the screen a couple times.

“Um, what’re you doing exactly?” she asked.

“Doing what every person does to get somewhere nowadays.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her against him, and (Y/n) flinched from his touch. “Please keep your arms, legs, and personal items inside the tablet at all times.”

Just when she was about to question him for the hundredth time, he pressed the screen again, and her vision became nothing but white. Her body felt like it was launched into a tornado; a strong force of wind thrusted her back, and somehow, the boy’s arm kept her from flying off from his side. A second later, her feet were back on the ground, the sky was where it needed to be, and reality was back in place.

Except for (Y/n)’s mentality.

She stumbled around, trying to find her balance as the world unbearably whirled around her. Finally, she shook her head, and quickly turned back towards Yakko, whose face tried to tell her whatever happened was perfectly fine and normal.

“What was THAT?” she yelled, staggering towards him and gripping his shoulders.

And he still had the audacity to have that 'why-are-you-freaking-out-so-much-we-do-this-every-Friday' smile. “Thank you for attending Warner’s Travel Tours! I would say my Agent Ralph’ll take your bags, but I left him alone with my sibs, so he’s probably in the middle of the Pacific Ocean by now.”

(Y/n) could only stare at him. Her mind was twisting and turning, trying so hard to make any sense of what happened but only making her headache grow larger and larger. And then, her thoughts just went blank.

She smirked. Then giggled. And a few seconds later, she had burst out laughing whilst holding her stomach. (Y/n) looked back up at Yakko, wiping a tear from her eye. “Th-Thank you…” she said, catching her breath.

His smile had grown and she thought his white cheeks were red for a moment. Yakko had opened his mouth, but whatever he was about to say was cut off by a net suddenly covering his entire body. Ralph was behind him, his skin and clothes burnt and ears practically smoking. “You’re coming with me, Warner!” he said.

And yet, Yakko only grinned. Like physics was his enemy, he disappeared from inside the net and appeared sprouting from the security guard’s back, cheerfully waving at (Y/n). “I’ll see ya’ around, yeah?” he said, then ran around the corner with Ralph sprinting right after him.

(Y/n) giggled and reached for the straps around her back. But when she only felt the (f/c) fabric of her shirt, her smile dropped, and a deep sigh escaped her lips. “Great…” she whispered.

“(Y/N)!”

She gasped as a pair of arms squeezed the life out of her. Her mother spun her around to face her gleaming smile, which was immediately replaced by an apologetic frown. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get your texts! That scene took forever, but I’m glad you found your way here! You’re so smart! Anyway, I know we don’t get as much time now, but there’s still so much we’ll be able to see!...”

She rambled on and on and on and on. Her daughter’s shoulders slumped and she followed her to where she wanted her to go, but the frown on her face didn’t last long when she remembered the fun she had just a few seconds ago. ‘Maybe this summer won’t be that bad.’

#is this how you write him lmao #i love this boi so much #animaniacs #cartoons #x reader #fanfiction #the reader in this is like 15 dont worry lol #im bored #yakko warner

154 notes · View notes

stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 4 years ago

Text

One of my favorite narrative choices/interpretations in twdg is how tied together Clementine’s “death” scene and Lee’s death are. Yeah sure, there are the obvious visual parallels but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

For the longest time, I was one of the people who always shot Lee, y’know? It just makes sense, you can’t let Lee become a walker, it’s so much more tragic for Clementine to be the one to put him down. Clearly shooting him is the right answer. After all, the player percentages don’t lie.

But then years passed and I eventually played the other route where I asked Clementine to leave Lee, and I am no longer one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong. Both endings make me cry. They’re powerful in different ways, but there’s something about the way that leaving Lee to turn into a walker can affect an interpretation of TFS and Clementine as a character.

[note: this turned into a bit of a Clementine character analysis and it’s long and I’m sorry that this is the way I am]

Y’see, having played through the series as much as I have, I’ve grown to love this narrative that you can build leading back to this choice and the ways it stuck with Clementine over the years, and subsequently affects the way she raises AJ.

When you ask Clementine to leave Lee, he gets the chance to give her a little more advice and it get progressively heavy:

Lee: You can leave me. It's okay.

Clementine: You'll be just like them.

Lee: It's okay. It won't be me.

Clementine: Lee...

Lee: Clem, it's time to go. You gotta get out of here.

Clementine: You can come with me.

Lee: No, honey, I can't. It's okay.

Clementine: Please?

Lee: You have to go, now.

Clementine: Maybe...maybe...I shouldn't let you turn.

Lee: I don't want you to have to do that.

From here, you have a set of options that allows Lee to explain why she shouldn’t shoot him: Shooting people changes you and Lee doesn’t want Clem to get used to that, she can remember him alive as her last memory of him rather than her shooting him, she should save the bullet, or the noise will draw more attention than it’s worth.

After that, depending on your choices, he’ll further explain himself. I usually get:

Lee: Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time. The first time, the most. Don't do it unless you absolutely have to.

Clementine: I'll go. I'll...leave you. I'll go as fast as I can.

Lee: And as safe as you can. Always be safe.

Lee is barely breathing at this point, he can’t keep his eyes open, he looks like he’s on the verge of turning into a walker at any moment. Clementine, gun her in her little hands, turns to him and one last time, asks him not to go.

Like… the whole scene is more than enough to make you teary eyed.

There are a lot of reasons for making this choice, most of which you’re allowed to explain through Lee. Some people have a more logical take on this by saying that it doesn’t matter if Lee turns or not, Clementine isn’t in danger with him chained up, therefore she doesn’t have to waste a bullet in killing him. That bullet might be the difference between life and death in the future.

Then there’s a more emotional approach of not wanting Clementine to be the one to have to kill Lee, forever traumatizing her even further after everything she went through with the stranger and her parents. Lee can’t ask her to do that, he can’t force this little girl to kill him just so that he won’t turn into a walker. It’ll change her.

I like to think it’s all of the above. Lee’s made sure that he can’t get to her, she’s armed and knows how to protect herself, and he cares more about her having an extra bullet that could save her life rather than wasting it on him when no matter what, death is inevitable for him. It’s like what he says about Larry if you tried to save him:

“It's like with Larry, honey. He was goin', one way or another. But at that moment I couldn't do more violence. You have to be careful about that. It'll consume you.”

She shouldn’t do that if she doesn’t have to. Lee has no idea what’s going to happen after he dies, if he’ll just be dead and gone or if part of him will remain as a walker, or something else. He reassures her that the walker left in his place won’t actually be him, but no one actually knows that. Yet, that doesn’t matter, he cares more about Clementine than himself at this point.

But what does this choice do to Clementine?

Sure, she doesn’t have to live with the fact that she killed the man who swore to protect her, even after she was indirectly responsible for him getting bitten in the first place. He asked her to leave him there, to let him become a monster, to leave before she could see him like that. He makes sure she knows that this was the right thing, the best thing for everyone, and I do think she believed him, or at least want to, in that moment. Underneath her grief and stress of the worst day of her life, she at least had Lee’s last words to her and his reassurance that she’s going to make it through this.

But then we move onto the other seasons, and Clementine isn’t the little girl she was in the first season. Season two is pretty much summed up with: “Clementine does ANYTHING and gets punished for it.”

She goes through so much shit in S2. You can try to make all the morally good choices you want and Clementine will still end up getting slapped around, people she grows to care about fall dead all around her, and she gets a lot of blame for it. She’s forced to kill a dog that attacks her, Kenny lashes out at her more than once, blaming her for Sarita’s death no matter what you do, she can’t save Sarah, she couldn’t save Luke, everything is falling apart and by the end, everyone’s fucking dead with the exception of either Jane or Kenny, depending on you choices.

Clementine carries all this shit with her, like Kenny and Bonnie telling her that just because she’s a little girl, she thinks she can get people killed and it’s okay since she’s sorry. Of course she’s going to internalize all of it and bring it back to Lee. She has conversations with Kenny where she’ll open up about how it was her fault he died. Kenny, for all his faults, will usually try to reassure her that it wasn’t.... but then pulls the shit he does so y’know... mixed messages that help no one.

But by the end of it, no matter what ending you get, little newborn AJ is left in Clementine’s care.

From all of this, we know that Clementine tends to blame herself for the deaths of those she cares about, which is traced back to Lee. It’s when we get to ANF that her tune changes a bit. She’s jaded, bitter, selfish, and Lee was right..... all of this violence did change her.

I mean, she just fucking shoots the guy who traded her bad bullets, and while she didn’t mean to... she still pointed a loaded gun at his head and pulled the trigger, something Lee taught her to never do unless she had to. Then, she wants Javi to cover for her, to lie... and if you don’t, because hey murder and lying bad, she gets upset and tries to make Javi feel like an asshole for telling the truth rather than validating her actions.

When I say ANF Clementine is my least favorite, it’s because her behavior, while it makes sense, is so frustrating and unbearable at times. It making sense doesn’t excuse it.

She steals, lies, pulls several Kennys where she gets pissy when you don’t do what she wants you to, is willing to assist in Lingard’s death if it benefits her without even considering any other options or what a dark place he’s in, and she’s at a point where she just assumes everyone around her will inevitably die or leave her. That’s just what happens, that’s why she’s alone, and as a means of coping, she tries to spin it this way to alleviate some of the pain she’s had thrown at her for years.

Now, ANF Clementine isn’t all bad, she has a lot of redeeming moments where the Clem I knew in the past two seasons will shine through. You as Javi can help her grow and get onto a better path than the one she was goin’ down. She makes friends with Gabe, which is important since as far as we know, she hasn’t had a friend close to her age since Sarah. She has hope again after David tells her AJ survived, and she has more than just survival on her mind.

It’s just.... it’s sad to think that she’s at a point where she seems to have momentarily forgotten Lee’s final words to her. And when I think about it..... this behavior would almost make more sense if she DID shoot Lee, y’know? But in this timeline we’re discussing, she didn’t, she left him to turn and he gave his reasons for why he wanted that... but she still ended up this way. Nothing he could say or do could’ve prevented that.

But at the end of ANF, Clementine has one goal: get AJ back.

Through all of this, through ANF and before the events of TFS... I truly believe that Clementine lost herself.

She’s forgotten a lot of the things Lee taught her, she’s forgotten about her parents in the sense of “what would they think if they saw me now,” she’s overwhelmed with all that bad that those good things, that hope she had, has been put on the backburner.

She’s been forced to live in a world that’s cruel to you no matter if you’re “good” or “bad”, and that can put you into that selfish mindset where you tend to just disregard everyone you don’t have any emotional connection to, and even then, people you’re close to will get the same treatment, whether intentional or not. It’s unflattering, unlikable, and the only reason more people don’t see that is because it’s Clementine.

It gets to a point where she has a few different paths she can go on, and right now, she’s on a destructive one.

I think through knowing the Garcia’s, she was put on a better path but she’s still lost. She’s hyper focused on getting AJ back. Nothing else matters, nothing will stand in her way, and that leads to a breaking point in her character.

So...the McCarroll Ranch flashback is a thing.

The varying interpretations of this scene are interesting to discuss.

Some will say Clementine was continuing her extremely selfish and destructive behavior when she found the ranch in flames and was willing to commit more murder in order to get AJ back, even if it meant traumatizing him with the death of his caretaker, and if she had shown up earlier before they were under attack, who knows how far she would’ve gone to take him away.

Others say no, that Clementine found the ranch compromised, she was acting in self-defense when she shot Eddie and AJ’s caretaker, Helen. It was either her or Clementine, as Helen was pulling a gun out when she spotted Clem, who reacted accordingly. If she hadn’t shown up, perhaps AJ wouldn’t be alive right now. We don’t know.

For me, it’s a bit of both. She finds the ranch and panics because yeah, it’s on fire and there are assholes running around, shooting the place up. She holds Eddie at gunpoint, demanding to know where the kids are. He thinks she’s another asshole raider and even tells her that he’s not gonna let her take a kid, and she kills him. She doesn’t try to explain herself, she just demands the info and kills him. It’s not great, but yeah, he would've hurt her if she didn’t kill him.

Then, she hears Helen talking to AJ, who is in the locker. I don’t know why she didn’t say anything. There isn’t an option to. Maybe she thought silence was the more peaceful route, or it would give her an upper hand. But, then Helen hears here and panics, pulls out a gun, and Clementine shoots her.

This is the moment.

She shoots this woman in the children’s room, and after examining her body, realizes that she was the one caring for AJ. Clementine is looking over this woman, and you get pieces of her thoughts like-

“She was taking care of him”

“I had no choice”

“I’m sorry”

Then, Clementine finally gets what she’s longed for- she has AJ back... and he’s covered in blood, sobbing, terrified of her. She coaxes him out of the locker and he sees his caretaker dead on the floor.

This scene, with Clementine looking at the body, walking through rubble and fire to put AJ in the car, he’s staring up at her with this unfamiliar look in his eyes.... and she stops for a second...

I truly feel like this is the moment where Clementine is suddenly hit by everything all at once, and she’s actually questioning, “Oh god..... who am I? How did I get here and what have I done?”

She did all of this for AJ, and now she has him, so it was worth it, right? Everything she did was a necessary evil and it was worth it... right?

... but imagine if Clementine did inject Lingard, killing him. She assisted in a man's death to get here. Was taking his life necessary? If you know how the choices work, then no, it’s not. But Clementine doesn’t know that.

If you stopped her, then she still gunned down several people to stand where she is. She’s has left AJ so wounded by killing Helen, and while we know she didn’t have a choice in the moment, AJ doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t even recognize Clementine and she can see that in the way he looks at her.

“Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time.....”

TFS is where I think Clementine has found herself again and that’s why she’s more balanced and likable, and there are more references to Lee and her parents.... yeah, I know it’s mostly the writers doing it for fanservice and to make us cry, but I’m choosing to look at it in the narrative rather than with that intention.

Clementine has AJ back, she’s been raising him the best way she can, she’s taught him to use a gun since he needs to protect himself, and Lee taught her when she was little, too. She’s taught him to read, taught him survival techniques she’s picked up, all that. She’s also more playful with him, she smiles more. She’s not a bitter 13-year-old like in ANF. Survival and safety is #1 and her attitude is mostly serious, but she isn’t afraid to tease or be a little silly.

But here’s the deal..... usually when I replay the series, I’ll leave Lee to turn but I’ll have Clementine tell AJ that if she ever gets bit, he’ll shoot her.

“What?” I hear you say. “But... haven’t you been rambling on and on about how murder bad and how leaving Lee was better because she didn’t have to live with the fact that she killed him?? but you want AJ to?? CJ you make no sense!”

I know that, but allow me to elaborate. Remember, this is all my interpretation after years of replaying this series. This is the narrative I find most enjoyable. This is my Clementine and the way I interpret her.

So, Clementine listens to Lee and leaves him to turn into a walker. He tells her that it won’t be him, he’ll be dead and gone, save the bullet. Yeah, yeah, I already covered this. But remember my “what does this do to Clementine?” question?

I swingin’ back to it because I didn’t really answer it directly, now did I? It’s basically followed up with another question: What if Clementine comes to regret leaving Lee instead of shooting him?

She herself even says that maybe she shouldn’t let him turn, and he tells her he doesn’t want her to have to do that. She listened to him, and left him behind to turn into one of the monsters that tore their world apart. She’s lived with the fact that she’s the reason Lee was bitten, that he died.... but there was always another thing that pricked needles into her guilt: Lee’s a walker. He’s going to spend the rest of eternity as a walker handcuffed to a heater. There is the big possibility that no one will ever find him, will never kill this walker version of him.

Was that the right thing to do?

I don’t know about you, but the walker debate is kinda fun to explore, and oh boy, do they try to explore it in TFS.

It’s easy for us to be like “Nope, there is nothing to walkers because they’re dead. Nothing human is left behind. Leaving Lee is fine.”

…but then I have to ask, why did most people shoot him when the episode released? Why do people still pick that option? You don’t want Lee to be a walker, but at the same time, it’s actually fine because nothing about him would be left behind?

Is it because you couldn’t handle seeing him as a walker and didn’t know if the ending would show it or not? It doesn’t, you know that now. Were you afraid he would hurt anyone else? Well, you chained him up. He’s not going anywhere. He’s no longer a threat.

So why do so many people still choose to shoot Lee and insist it’s the right choice even if by this logic, it doesn’t matter if he’s a walker because it’s not him? Save the bullet, don’t put Clementine through that, right?

Maybe you just like the way the tragedy plays out when Clementine shoots him, and that’s perfectly fine. Maybe you don’t believe there’s more to walkers, but still pick this because how can you not? It’s Lee! He can’t become a walker.

Again, I feel you. My reasons for always shooting him in the past were that. It’s Lee, he can’t become a walker. I can’t do that to him. I love him, and that would be wrong.

But that’s the thing... I believe we’re not the only ones having this debate. Clementine is having this internal debate within herself at different points over the series, but it’s especially prominent in TFS.

Lee asked her to leave him, but was that really the right thing to do? He took care of her, saved her life and taught her to survive, and after he was bitten, she left him to turn into a monster. He didn’t deserve that, but his final wish was for her to leave. Should she have shot him anyway, ignoring his wishes? Would that have been worse? Disrespectful? Is it okay to ignore his wish if you think he’s wrong and you think you know what’s best?

What if there is a part of him still inside that walker form? There’s no way to know that. What if she condemned a part of him to cruel fate because she didn’t shoot him? What if he’s truly gone and she’s worrying herself over nothing? What if she had shot him and needed that bullet later, or what if the noise drew attention?

...What about her parents? They were walkers, too... roaming the street together... are they suffering, too? Or are they truly gone?

I believe this is what lead to her decision to tell AJ that if she ever gets bitten, he should shoot her. All of these thoughts and regrets can resurface depending on your choices, like in the dorms at the beginning of ep2.

AJ: You told me your friend Lee became a monster. But you didn't kill him... because he wasn't a threat. Is that why you didn't kill him?

Clementine: He didn't want me to. He said it would change me forever. But I know he...

AJ: He became a monster. Do you wish you did?

Clementine: Yeah.... Every day.

Or, alternatively:

Clementine: How can you ask me that? What you did is completely different.

AJ: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you mad, at all.

Clementine: .....I...I can still hear him. Telling me not to do it.

AJ: I said I'm sorry.

Clementine: ...I still hear it, sometimes.

and yeah, yeah, I know that this isn’t canon for everyone. Reminder that this is my Clementine interpretation and it’ll probably differ from yours, hence why we’re going over these specific choices.

Looking at these responses, Clementine admits that she wishes she had shot Lee, that even though he told her that it would change her and she shouldn’t have to... she still left him to die alone and change. Maybe she doesn’t even fully understand WHY he asked her to do that... why didn’t he ask her to shoot him? Did he think she couldn’t? Even though he kept telling her that she had it in her to defend herself? Wasn’t he scared of what would happen afterward? What if Lee was so sick and out of it due to the bite that he wasn’t thinking right?

Again, all these kinds of questions could possibly run through her mind, which in turn affects her choice with AJ. She doesn’t want him to go through what she did, to regret letting her turn into another monster. It’ll change him to shoot her, but it’ll also change him to let her turn.... maybe shooting her is the lesser of two evils.

The thing about Clementine is that she’s not a perfect teacher, she doesn’t have all the answers, and all of her experiences reflect in the choices she makes with AJ. She’s trying her best. She loves AJ, he’s her family and she wants what’s best for him. She wants him to be strong, to be a better survivor who can take care of himself if something ever happened to her. But, she’s doesn’t know everything, and she forgets that yeah, AJ’s a kid... and so is she. She’s not some thirty something who has all this world experience and can always make logical decisions in every situation, and neither was Lee.

AJ sees this towards the end of the season when he starts questioning her.

AJ: I always listened to Clem. Always. But...I've been thinking more. I don't know if she's right every time.

So while she truly believes that this is the best thing... she also won’t take AJ himself into account. Well, she does but she fails to ask him what he wants, what he thinks, and when he starts questioning her, she becomes defensive and makes him promise that he’ll shoot her even though he’s saying he doesn’t want to.

Which leads me to two particular scenes that I think reopen the wounds and reaffirm Clementine’s thoughts and fears. We’ll start with the obvious one: James.

I know it’s easy to just call James and his dumb walkers crazy, that walkers aren’t people, yada yada. But for fun, let’s indulge him for a moment. James is a fascinating character study with the way he’s come to view walkers, and he eventually shares these beliefs with Clementine when she asks him for help, and when you leave Lee to turn, you get this conversation:

James: They used them as a weapon. I do this...to protect them. I know it sounds strange. But that's why I brought you here. To see them as I do. As people.

Clementine: As...people?

James: Well, not people, exactly. But... Something in between. Part of us is still in there. Deep down. So few of us die anymore. We turn. Not dead, not alive.

Clementine: God, I hope that's not true. That sounds like Hell.

James: To you, maybe. I think it seems...peaceful.

AJ: Do you really think there's people inside of monsters?

James: Somewhere, yes. Think about it this way... Has someone you cared about turned?

Clementine doesn’t respond.

AJ: Clem's friend, Lee. She let him... but wishes she didn’t.

James: Do you really think...there's nothing left of who he was?

Here’s where my Clementine will remain silent, as you can either agree or disagree with him which doesn’t feel right for her, in this case. Though a little annoying that James takes your silence personally and won’t talk about Charlie later BUT that’s a topic for another ramble.

Anyway, Clementine doesn’t want to think about this. She’s thought about it enough, let it eat away at her longer than she should’ve, and now James is here asking her if she truly believes there’s nothing left inside the walker Lee became? She doesn’t have time to reflect on this, she has to get James’ help to save her friends.

However, I believe this conversation stuck with her, and that’s why she gets more defensive when AJ brings up the idea that if Clem gets bit, then she should bite him, too. Like.... No, absolutely not, AJ. That’s not what we agreed on to do if she gets bit. He’ll shoot her.

Clementine: AJ, we've talked about this. A lot. If I get bit, you know what has to happen.

AJ: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Clementine: But you brought it up, so we're going to.

AJ: It does something weird to my stomach. Like I'm gonna get the dookies.

Clementine: AJ, I need to know you remember what we talked about. What you're supposed to do if it happens. Listen to me. If I get bit, you'll...?

AJ doesn’t respond.

Clementine: Shoot--

AJ: No! No, I'm not gonna do that.

Clementine: AJ, you promised.

AJ: I don't care. I'm not gonna shoot you! If you get bit, I'd want you to bite me, too.

Clementine: What? You don't mean that.

AJ: I don't want to be alone. Please don't be mad. I can't live with you not with me, Clem. I know we've talked about it. So much. But don't make me.

And like.... here’s an interesting thing if Clementine doubles down on this:

Clementine: Alvin Junior, if you have a gun, you shoot me. If you don't, you use your knife. No knife, a rock to the head. As many times as you have to.

AJ: I said I don't wanna!

Clementine: I don't care what you said. You will do it.

AJ: I don't care what you say!

Clementine: Goddamn it, AJ! You can't break promises.

Like jesus. She is once again so blinded by what she believes is right and what is the best option for AJ that she’s not even thinking about the fact that she’s telling him that yeah, if you have no other options, bash my face in with a rock! Holy shit, Clementine! She isn’t understanding a big thing here, the thing that factored into why Lee told her to leave him.

Of course, there are less harsh responses but I find that one particularly interesting.

Now, lemme explore the other scene: Abel.

So, the beginning of ep3 has Clementine and AJ talking to a tied up Abel about where the raiders took our friends. But it doesn’t take long before Abel starts spitting up blood and panicking that something’s wrong.

Abel: Shit... I never wanted things to end like this. Everything...it all got out of hand. Now look at me. I'm a fucking mess.

AJ: Will he turn?

Abel: No! ...My...my whole life, everything I ever got, I got with my own two hands and...and my will. For my body to turn on me...to take control... I'll tell you where to find Lilly. Just promise you won't let me turn. I'm begging you.

Look, I hate Abel, he sucks..... but I also really like him as an antagonistic character and what they did with him here.

So, we have Abel here begging for them to make sure he doesn’t turn... because Abel believes that letting some turn is cruel, he’ll even admit that he believes there are people inside of walkers and that’s why you put a bullet in them, no one deserves to be a walker.

Abel: You wouldn't do it...you wouldn't let me become...one of those things. What if they...what if they can feel it...when they turn?!

And after he gives you the info-

Abel: You got what you wanted. Please, don't let me become one of those things. Please... I don't want to turn...

Do keep in mind that this happens before the James scene, too. Clementine’s already got this on her mind when she meets up with him and the barn scene plays out.... but this whole thing with Abel is a lot. You can be cruel and torture him or you can play nice, or you can do a bit of both.

And by the way, if you let him turn, it reeeally fucks with AJ. So that’s fun.

Now not only is Clementine trying to work out a plan to get her friends back and trying to protect AJ and all that, but she’s also dealing with these thoughts and ideas presented by Abel and James..... and like, yeah I know the Lee dream sequence was intended for fanservice and to make us cry.... but I dunno, kinda funny timing that she would have a dream about Lee that night after going through both of those events in the same day as well as doing prep to infiltrate the boat.

While I love the dream sequence and this interpretation I’m talking about probably wasn’t all that intentional given that this would've been the perfect moment to explore or even hint at it but they don’t.... but it’s fine, it’s perfectly logical that she’s more worried about her friends who are still alive rather than if she did the right thing with Lee.

I think it’s time I move onto the actual bitten Clementine stuff before this turns into a novel sooo.... Clementine gets bit after she and AJ get separated from Louis/Violet/Tenn. She’s bitten on her wounded leg, and after all the chaos of getting away from walkers and climbing up to safety... Clementine just lies there for a bit.

And you can feel it, y’know? She and AJ knew what happened, but Clementine still has to confirm it... and when she pulls away part of her boot to reveal the bite... she lets out a deep breath and says she got bit..... but they gotta keep moving forward. No time, gotta get up, gotta keep moving, gotta get AJ to safety. Nothing else matters.

So they walk. They walk until it’s morning and Clementine starts to look awful... and I think most of us took this opportunity to tell AJ she loves him.

Then all hell breaks loose, they’re surrounded by walkers and have to hide out in James’ walker barn, but Clementine’s too weak to fight. This is when the game starts to have us take control of AJ, switching us between the two as Clementine shoots walkers and AJ shuts the doors.

Until Clementine runs out of ammo.

The walkers are locked out, they’re catching their breath... and now they have a whole new problem to deal with. Clementine’s bitten, and AJ, similar to how little Clementine was, tells Clementine she needs to try to get up and leave with him.

Clementine: Good job, AJ. You did it.

AJ: Now what?

Clementine: You need to find a way out of here.

AJ: We can climb up there. The monsters can't reach us up there. Let's go. Easy climb. C'mon. Please...try. You can't give up! You can't give up! I need you! I need you...

She can’t get up.

Clementine: I'm so sorry, kiddo. This is just what happens sometimes.

AJ: But...but it wasn't supposed to happen to you!

Sigh.... now here it is. This is another big moment in Clementine’s character that changes everything. It’s that moment at McCarroll Ranch again- it all hits her at once.

Clementine: I need to make sure you remember.

AJ: Remember what?

Clementine: The rules. What's number one?

AJ: Never...never go alone. So...so I can't leave. Not without you.

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: It's your rule!

Clementine: You won't be alone. Not for long. Get back to the school.

AJ: I don't know how.

Clementine: Sure you do. One of the first things I ever taught you. You need to make sure they can't smell you. So... grab that axe.

She’s dying, she’s going to die and leave AJ behind.

Clementine: Next rule: what do we do when the monsters come?

AJ: Clem...

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: Shoot them in the head.

Clementine: Got any more ammo?

AJ: There isn't any more.

Clementine: Okay, then. Fuck. And...the last rule?

AJ: I want to stay. With you. I know what will happen. And...and I don't care. I don't want to go. I just want to sit next to you and...and stay. Like that monster couple, from the train station. No one would hurt us. Just...sitting. Forever.

Clementine: I don't want you to leave, either.

AJ: Then don't make me!

Clementine: But it's not about what I want. It's about what you need. And you need to go.

AJ: Okay, Clem. Okay.

Clementine: Last rule.

AJ: No...

Clementine: What do we do if I get bit? ....Are you gonna make me say it?

And this is Clementine truly realizes, understands for the first time why Lee made the choice he did... why he asked her to leave him.

Clementine: Just leave.

AJ: I can't let you turn into a monster.

Clementine: You have to.

AJ: But before, you said...

Clementine: I know. But now that we're here... My heart is saying something else.

She finally gets it.

When Lee said she’s in his shoes now...? She IS in his shoes finally understanding a part of their situation years ago that she never could. For years, she questioned how he could ask her to leave him, WHY he did. She questioned if she did the right thing, regretted listening to him.... but now that they’re here and she’s presented with the same choice Lee was... she understands why her reasons for asking AJ to shoot her if she gets bitten were skewed, that what she thought was preventively protecting him from more hurt was only doing more damage. He’s already taken a life, and just like Lee said, he’s losing a part of himself every time he does it, and if she told him to shoot Lilly, too? and if he shot Tenn?

What is killing Clementine with an axe going to do to AJ?

What is leaving Clementine to become a walker going to do to him?

What is the right thing to do?

Well, for Clementine, her answer is to ask him to leave. She knows she told him differently, but that was when this scenario was merely a “what if?” Now it’s happening and she sees the errors in her thinking, and no matter what happens now, she’s going to die. Maybe she’ll feel it, like Abel said. Maybe James is right and she’ll spend the rest of her undead life alone in this barn. Maybe nothing will happen. It doesn’t matter.

But... we all know, AJ has another solution up his sleeve that Clementine never considered.

He turns to leave her... and then turns back around and disobeys her wishes... and chops off her bitten leg.

And she fucking survives.

Clementine survives her walker bite.

AJ did what little Clementine back in s1 couldn’t do... he didn’t listen to her, and this time, it worked in their favor.

Clementine: When we were in the barn, you didn't listen to me. And if you had...I'd be dead. You'll have to be strong for the both of us.

AJ: You made it so I can. So...thank you. For everything.

Clementine: You're welcome. For everything.

Clementine still has a lot of things to work though, especially now that she only has one leg. She can’t move around the way she could before, she has to completely relearn how to walk on crutches, possibly a peg leg. She gets to sit down and breathe, rely on others and do some reflection on who she is and come to terms with all the pain she suffered, and grow from there.

Now that she understands why Lee did what he did, she can take a step in the right direction of forgiving herself, to atone for all the mistakes she’s made and the people she’s hurt.

She has a boyfriend/girlfriend/friends there at her side to listen and love her, she has AJ, she has her lovable pupper Rosie, and she has a home... for the first time since she was little, she has a home and she can find herself again. Keep movin’ forward.

This is my favorite line of choices, my favorite way to interpret the connection between Lee and Clementine’s scenes, and how I view Clementine’s growth and understanding as a character in TFS. There are so many ways for it all to play out, no Clementine is the same between players, and I dunno I just... I find the whole thing so compelling.

Clementine is such a fun character to discuss, to compare interpretations of, and I’m sorry for such a long post but this is another thing I’ve wanted to throw out there for a while. Now that I’m done, I’m gonna go make some tea and chill out.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg lee #twdg aj #twdg kenny #twdg javi #long post #twdg james #twdg abel

115 notes · View notes