#i thought it was just the ones where you fully lose control/blackout

[pluralia-tantum]

Just convinced myself I was definitely misdiagnosed with DID and then read something about non-possession form switches and went 😮

[apocalypticgargoyle]

okay but imagine edgy!karl but with the spice of closer by nine inch nails just a thought

EVERYONE: WE'RE TAKING THE SONG AT FACE VALUE CHILLAX

edit by 🍭 anon. step on me.

𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞: "... 𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐍𝐎 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐋..." | 𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐲!𝐤𝐚𝐫𝐥

link for Closer by NIN

warnings: smut (18+), thigh riding, vulgar language, temperature play, degradation, domination/submission, phone sex, mentions of alcohol and drinking, frat boys, smoking (inc. weed)

enjoy these vignettes of straight-up filth

other requests:

sorry no thoughts just edgy karl in a band. in all seriousness though i would kill for a band au with anyone

edgy!karl and like temp play? his tongue piercing got extra cold from the ice in his drink or something and then kisses the readers neck or something and the reader shivers and then he gets ~ideas~

sitting on edgy!karls leg in front of the whole frat, just a normal get together until karl starts bouncing his leg

In honor of me losing my voice for 3 days now, can we have Edgy!Karl reacting to you losing your voice because of him? I've said my piece -🍭

Ahhhhh okay so I had this dream where it was edgy Karl but the reader was riding him while he had his arms crossed behind his head and he was smoking a cigarette and just AHHHH. Can you extend on this pwease? :3 -🐙

mk hear me out, edgy karl. Phone sex ?

do you think that for your edgy! Karl fic we could get some more sub! Karl like he gets so drunk and all he wants to do is please the reader - 🥪

intoxicated seggs with karl (obviously not blackout drunk, fully consensual etc)

You weren’t sure how you ended up where you were, or even how Karl ended up where he was, on stage with a guitar slung over his shoulder as if it were made for him. He had gotten a call earlier in the night from a friend of his whose guitarist came down with the flu, and Karl was the only one he knew who could take over on such short notice.

You weren’t even aware he could play, let alone how good he would look in a torn-up t-shirt, lip ring caught between his teeth as he mindlessly strummed along to the music, sweat pooling at his temples from the lights and the exertion. His eyes always darted to you, looking for your flushed appearance as floods of dark themes flooded into your consciousness.

Girls were practically throwing themselves at him, yet with you in the crowd, his lust-blown pupils marked you as his target. As the set drew on, Karl sipped from a beer like the rest of the band, a cigarette dangling from his lips as clouds of smoke mixed into the air of fog. Finally, a cover song came on, one that you knew well. Its heavy beat served as the background music as memories flooded into your mind from when the song had played for the two in the past...

YOU LET ME VIOLATE YOU / YOU LET ME DESECRATE YOU ... YOU LET ME COMPLICATE YOU

You poured yourself a drink as Karl stood beside you, popping an ice cube in his mouth. It was your roommate’s birthday; nothing but a small gathering with a handful of your friends and some music. “Are you iron deficient, Karl?” You queried sarcastically, a nod to his ice chewing habits and a strange visit from your family members.

He rolled his eyes playfully. “I already told your grandmother that I’m fine,” he grumbled, teeth crunching down on the cube as if to demolish the story, making you giggle. He moved to step around you, arm wrapping around your waist as he pressed a kiss to your neck, his tongue ring grazing against your skin. You bit back a moan, body shivering at the feeling and he chuckled against your shoulder. “You like that, baby?” He mocked; voice husky at his realization that such a little action could get you excited so easily.

Later that night, Karl traced a path down your body with an ice cube between his pearly white teeth, grey irises watching your every reaction as he stopped at the hemline of your underpants. He traced a line down the lacy garment as you arched your back before pushing himself up on his arms and pushing the cube into your mouth. “Hold that for me, pet,” he stated, breath hot against your cold, wet skin, begging to be touched. His tongue dragged across your collarbones, the cool of the metal in his mouth making you moan around the ice in your mouth, grinding your hips against his.

As his cold mouth pressed against your inner thighs, you bit down on the cube, shattering it in your mouth as Karl chuckled. “We’re gonna have a fun night,” he promised, cold teeth nipping at your flesh to make you whimper.

I’VE GOT NO SOUL TO SELL … HELP ME GET AWAY FROM MYSELF

The club bathroom was dingy and dimly lit, but the cleanliness was the last thing on your mind as your fingers curled around the skin, Karl’s hand wrapped around your throat as he thrust into you roughly. Your makeup was running down your face from his spit and your sweat. The bass of the music was loud enough that it echoed around in the bathroom, setting Karl’s rhythm to his animalistic paces.

You smiled lazily, bliss covering your fucked out expression as he smirked at you in the reflection of the mirror with pride to see you in such a mess at his antics. His blunt nails dug into your hip, slamming your body against him as he used you like some kind of toy. His hand controlled your breathing, making you gasp for air as you rolled your hips against him, calling out his name loud enough to ricochet around the room.

The next morning, you went to answer Karl’s question about what you wanted for breakfast when your voice came out in barely a whisper. You shut your eyes in embarrassment with a hand closing over your mouth as his eyebrows raised at you. “What was that, baby? Let me hear you,” he mocked, walking over to press his thumb against your throat.

You shook your head, refusing to let him gloat about you losing your voice moaning his name the night before. He kissed you roughly, tongue pressing into your mouth to lap at your weak moans. His teeth dragged across your lips. “I said, I wanna hear you. I wanna be reminded how you lost your voice,” he stated darkly, a smug expression plastered across his face.

I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL / I WANNA FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE

With the party thundering into the night, you swiveled through the crowd of people grinding on each other, plastic cup in your hand as you returned to where Karl and a few of the other frat brothers were sitting. He pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around you as you handed him the drink and picked your cards back up.

You’d been playing strip poker with the other guys, who were mainly drunk out of their mind and half-naked anyway. It also helped that Karl would whisper in your ear to guide you into burning and showing the right cards. He once told you about the group of men that taught him how to play during a trip to his father’s favorite country club.

His legs spread a bit more beneath you, shifting you in his lap to sit on his leg. Shamefully, your breath hitched in your chest, a blush spreading to your cheeks as your nails dug into his arm as if to tell you to stop. He tensed slightly before realizing that the only reason you reacted was because the friction was almost a tension reliever for you. You were already riding on your winning streak, but the last thing you could handle was the feeling of his thigh between your legs and in front of all the men drugged out on smoke and hard liquor.

Karl’s lips pressed to the back of your ear, his hand moving to switch a few of your cards around while the other gripped your waist. As you won the next hand, Todd dragged his shirt over his head and tossed it behind him, rolling his eyes playfully before dropping backward and mumbling about taking a nap before he was dealt in again.

You giggled at him, only for Karl to move his thigh, dragging you against him. You peered over your shoulder slightly, glaring at him as if to tell him to cut it out, but he just smirked at you, holding your hips as he bounced his leg. His lips pressed against your shoulder. “Either you get yourself off or I get you off,” he taunted, the friction making you moan quietly.

MY WHOLE EXISTENCE IS FLAWED / YOU GET ME CLOSER TO GOD

Karl turned the radio up, tucking his hands behind his head as you dug into his jacket pocket for his lighter. You had him between your thighs, his fingers dragging up your skirt as you took the joint from behind his ear and brought it to your lips, lighting it and inhaling. Something flashing behind Karl’s eyes as you cracked his window. He grabbed your face before you could exhale, making you shotgun the smoke into his mouth. You moaned at the feeling of the drug seeping into your mind as well as Karl feeding off of your high.

He exhaled before pulling you in for a hungry kiss, moaning against your lips and digging his fingers into your thighs. You pulled away from him, pushing him back against the seat and handing him the joint before unzipping his pants. You dug your teeth into his bottom lip as you sank down on his hardened arousal, moaning at the tightening feeling. He groaned, his hand groping your ass to urge you to ride him.

He pulled away from your kiss, resting the joint between his lips as he tucked his hands behind his head. Your hands pushed into his jacket, sliding beneath his shirt as you rolled your hips against his. You pulled your fingers into your hair, tugging at the strands as one of his hands moved to brush below the hem of your shirt, moving to press his fingers into your back.

He watched you intently, teeth biting into his lower lip to keep himself quiet as you moaned. Euphoria spread across his face to mix with the cloud of smoke from the weed. You kissed him again, his tongue ring pressing into your mouth with a groan as you rode him harder, clawing at the friction and moaning at the feeling of his hands on your body.

YOU CAN HAVE MY ABSENCE OF FAITH / YOU CAN HAVE MY EVERYTHING

“What are you wearing?” Karl asked, voice low and tired from the day of traveling; static from the interference on the phone line giving his tone the feeling of an old recorded message. He’d left earlier in the week, leaving after spending the weekend with you to get back home for his brother’s birthday. He’d nearly kidnapped you from your studies to go with him, but with the impending exams, there was no way you could get away.

You plugged in your headphones, moving to lay on your back as you realized what he was up to. “I’m wearing socks,” you stated sarcastically, making him laugh on the other end of the call. You knew he’d be scrubbed of his alternative appearance while in his mother's house. Your mind wandered to how weird it felt to kiss him without his piercings.

He hummed. “Only socks?” He chippered, playful lust dripping from his words as he spoke. You pressed your fingers against your bottom lip, trying your hardest to remember what it felt like with his teeth biting into your skin.

“I’m wearing your shirt, too,” you added; moving your fingers to toy with the hem of the dark t-shirt. You hadn’t even thought twice when you slipped it on earlier. Only now did you realize how nearly pathetic it was after he’d been trapped in your bed hours prior.

He chuckled darkly. “Oh, yeah? You miss me at all?” He chided, making you chew the inside of your cheek. “Come on, tell me how much you miss me, baby.”

You were silent for a moment, his raspy voice sending heat throughout your body. You tried to picture him buried in your hair as he spoke to you, his fingers brushing beneath your clothing in the dark. “I miss you,” you hummed. “It’s cold here alone.” You chewed your lip, you were never good at dirty talk. You could hear your roommate and her group of friends downstairs giggling as they turned on some music, the lyrics drifting through the air vents.

Karl tsked. “I think that’s a lie. I know it’s warm between your legs, dove,” he answered coolly, making your cheeks flush. “Fuck, I want you,” he groaned, your eyes fluttering at his low tone as goosebumps spread across your body.

“Keep talking,” you whispered, your fingers itching to dip beneath the waistband of your underwear.

You could tell he was biting back a smug groan at your quiet plea. “You want me to walk you through touching yourself?” He almost growled. “I wanna hear you cum for me.”

I DRINK THE HONEY / INSIDE YOUR HIVE / YOU ARE THE REASON / I STAY ALIVE

The two of you stumbled into Karl’s room, the sound of music from the party drowning out slightly as he kicked the door shut, pressing his lips against yours as you tugged off his clothes. The back of your legs hit his bed frame, the pair of you tangling together before you rolled on top of him. He pulled your shirt over your head, hands settling on your hips to urge you to grind against him.

The taste of the liquor on his lips sent your head reeling as his cologne and the smell of cigarettes clouded your already muddled senses. Your fingers raked down his tattooed chest, making him groan, his eyes looking up at you submissively.

Whenever Karl was drunk, he always bent to your whim. His dominant mind seemed to flip a switch and all he wanted was to make you feel good. He wanted to be used by you like he always used you.

Heat flushed to your cheeks from the alcohol; you’d beaten Todd in beer pong, again, but that didn’t mean you didn’t have to down a few shots to level the playing field. Your mouth pressed to his again, tugging his pants down his legs before sinking down on him as he moaned deeply.

As you rode him, he moved your hand from off his neck, taking your thumb into his mouth; the metal of his tongue ring swirling against your thumb as his teeth grazed your skin. You moaned at the sight, moving your hand to settle in his hair, tugging his head to the side as your teeth dug into his neck, marking him with your mouth.

He pulled your hips against his, driving himself into you deeper as he thrust against you, making you groan against his skin. You kissed him, driving your tongue into his mouth as you savored his moans of arousal at the feeling of you.

You moved to sit up again, letting the music set your pace as Karl titled his head back in pleasure, teeth tugging his lip ring into his mouth. You clenched around him, just because you knew you could draw him over the edge before you, but his eyes flickered with a willingness to hold out that licked at the fire of determination building your tension.

He sent you a lazy smirk before reaching a thumb between your thighs from where his hands were gripping onto your hips; toying at your nerves and making your vision blur with how good he was making you feel. “You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled, hips rolling against yours. You pressed your mouth to his again, basking in the taste of his words and the liquor that had melted against his tongue; ready the man between your legs to completely ruin you.

Tag List: (follow this link to be added :))

@mrwinemaker @madsbbg @idiotinnit @xxtakechancesxx @chxrrymilkshake @westyywifee @kiritokunuwu @theholycakehole @itgetsatadhazy @himbobimboeater @karlkitten @pluto-dizzz @twist3dtinkerbell @more-like-reyna @teenage0jealousy @deepestofwaters @honk-izzie-was-taken @froggyy06 @ghoulandghost @instabull

Chances Are Masterlist

[isa-ah]

Heeeey, I don't mean to bother you but I just...I've recently connected with an alter of mine and I don't know what's going on

She's like...I'm still in my body when she's taking over so I control my movements but it's like I'm speaking through her, it's like her personality is overshadowing mine

That scared the shit out of me when it started because she was really cold, hateful, mean and manipulative towards people I loved. And really mistrusting

No one really understands what's going on and it's like a lot of people think I'm imagining it or are suddenly scared of me, thinking I'm possessed or crazy

And I really want to talk this through with my psychiatrist but he hasn't been all that understanding in the past. He often changes a diagnosis or adds things without telling me that I then detect on a sheet of paper he gave me for a doctor appointment. Or he doesn't believe me that I don't take drugs and that that wasn't the trigger for my bipolar disorder. Or he just tells me I should lose weight?? Like, if I lose anymore weight I'll get a hole in my stomach??

I'm just scared he'll be like: oh that's just your ptsd. Or you have a psychosis. We're just gonna up your dosis and you'll stop imagining things

So I'm just really scared. I've always felt kind of out of place in the inside since a certain age. Like I wasn't fully whole anymore. The more trauma I suffered the more split I felt. And in my past there have been some blackouts where important, heavy moments are missing and once it was several days

Now I don't have blackouts anymore. I didn't think much about it because I thought everyone had these feelings and blackouts. And now I'm coexisting with a part of me. I've always pushed these parts down, because I am this huge perfectionist and I was afraid of people thinking I'm not normal or that I'm crazy

I can't communicate with her and I may even have other alters too that I can't reach

I just don't know how to handle the situation without help and I'm so afraid they'll just laugh in my face. All I know is that she showed up when I've been in a heavy phase full of despair a couple of weeks ago.

And now she's always there when I can't cope with a situation and takes over. But she still let's me be there, let's me control my body. It's more like in my mind her personality is more present and her thoughts are suddenly so strong that I act out on them. I know I'm not fully myself then but through her I'm rather numb and don't really mind.

And once or twice I have simply let her take over because I couldn't handle what was happening at all. And it was so relieving to hide behind her and feel less emotions. She's like this shield, protecting me not matter what. And...for the first time I've felt like a part of the hole inside of me was filled. I've felt like I belonged, like I was finally not alone anymore. I don't want to lose that but I also don't know how to communicate with her. Or how to convince others that I'm not faking. I just want to be whole. Connect with those parts of mine. Feel her embrace around me and feel safe, comforted. She helps me be more confident, take care of myself, put myself first, feel more free again. She protects me.

I don't know if I sound crazy right now...I just needed to write this down. I don't know why she urged me to write you out of all the people on tumblr because she's really mistrusting of other people.

Please don't feel pressured to answer this.

- H

ive been chewing on this off and on and talking to my fiance and my take away mostly revolves around;

1. your psychiatrist sounds like a piece of shit. you need to find someone who's going to meet you in the middle and let you voice your concerns. look for someone else.

2. trying to talk directly to a therapist or psychiatrist about thinking you have DID or OSDD will almost always get you shot down bc of the stigma and disbelief around them. instead, make space, let yourself and your alters operate normally in front of them, and when they pick up on it let them drive the conversation. it SUCKS but :-// lo and I have both experienced being laughed off the stage for trying to talk about our systems.

3. if your alter is lashing out at people in your life there's almost certainly a reason. alters are a defense mechanism, they're to keep you safe and operational while removing your trauma from your conscious mind. if she's treating someone like shit you need to step back and examine that relationship bc from where I'm standing it doesn't sound particularly healthy or supportive.

4. as for where to go from here interpersonally, you can try notes? i don't have memory gaps, it's pretty fluid to communicate with my system (which is why I assume what I have is OSDD and not DID, unlike my fiance who's formally diagnosed with DID) so you'll have to be a bit creative with it. notes, journals, even talking aloud when she's around can help. giving her space to express herself will also ease the tension somewhat; Bentley has his own clothes for instance, and whenever bulldogs really upset I'll set him up somewhere he can vent and rant until he feels better. shit like that.

PS. lo said if she's an angry alter in general, egg therapy could be good. rage rooms, breaking things you buy for that purpose, or setting her up somewhere she can vent it out. smtn constructive to channel those feelings into bc the only way to get over them is to feel them.

but y'know that's just from 2 people who haven't rlly had any formal help with learning to live w this kinda thing. reaching out in other spaces might be helpful, just be sure to vet them first bc misinformation is CRAZY bad about systems and how they work :-(

[headinthestaticsky]

The Phenomenon of the Immortal Sun: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 7

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

Authors note: I have no idea how this turned out... hope you like it. This is also a short chapter... I wanted to pace this a certain way so I hope it's not disorientating.

"He's so hollow My baby, made him blind until he wasted fate So I'm left behind until he curse my sorrow But I know on mother earth I see the weather"

Mother Earth by: BANKS

One Week Later...

Burning...weakness, the constant chase for satisfaction that could never fully be fulfilled. Never being able to get enough blood was finally getting to me, my mind was playing cruel tricks on me and I had no control over my emotions. It felt like I was a newborn again, I wanted to snap at everyone who talked to me, no matter how kind they were. I remember Carlisle told me when he first turned that he tried to kill himself by starvation, the hunger had driven him so mad he was desperate to drink anything and a deer was in his line of view. I guess the madness came at a good time for him and I knew that I could get a moment of clarity soon.

I was thankful Sam didn't do anything brash when he found out I was pregnant. I guess us being so close all those years had a hand to play in his decisions. I haven't heard anything about Bella and Edward... it concerned me a bit. I knew both had vindictive tendencies and I was just waiting for them to strike. I landed back on the white couch, my black clouded, and dark circled eyes were just staring at the couch...It felt like I could burn a hole into my eyes in a constant state of fixation on that same spot. No blood could sidate me, whether it was animal, or human. The familiar touch of my love was the only thing anchoring me down, reminding me of who I was, and who I will eventually become again. I sat up and stretched my neck, I took in a deep breath before puffing it out again. Esme, Alice, Dean, Emmett, and Carlisle had all gone out for a quick hunt so they could be at their strongest just in case I went into labor. For now, it was just Bree, Jasper, and Rosalie with me.

"You know I just realized something," Rosalie said, looking at me.

"What?" I inquired back.

"You two have never talked about baby names, what are they?"

I let out a small chuckle before turning to Jasper, a smirk was on his face as well.

"Well, I thought of Amelia or Rebecca for a girl and Louis or Vincent for a boy... I have another boy name but... I'm not too sure about it." I answered back.

"Those aren't... terrible. I am actually impressed. I think Louis and Amelia are beautiful names" Rosalie replied a smile was on her face.

" I am going to love this child with my entire being but... I never want to go through this ever again. I mean... I feel like I am going crazy."

Jasper rubbed my shoulder comfortingly, he could sense the guilt I felt for feeling like that.

"I could only imagine how bad you must feel, I couldn't handle not drinking blood for 2 days." Bree added.

"Just wait, when they'll come, what happening now will seem minuscule." Jasper comforted.

Rosalie sat next to me now, nodding in agreement with Jasper.

I smiled down at my stomach and sighed.

"Yeah... it will."

I had gotten up with the help of Jasper and Rosalie, Bree had walked into the kitchen to get me some more animal blood when suddenly, the world went black and a searing pain hit me in every nerve of my body. I could hear the echoing of Rose, Bree, and Jasper's panic filled the room. My vision came back and I looked down at my stomach, it was beginning to crack. In my moment of faintness, I was moved into Carlisle's office. I had blacked out again, hearing the frantic voice of Rosalie on the phone.

POV Change: Jasper's

It had happened so quickly, no one knew what had triggered it. Rosalie and I helped her up and as soon as she got to the counter, she doubled over in pain and blackout. She then started to fall to the ground losing her grip on the counter, her shirt had lifted up slightly and I saw her stomach. It was littered in cracks as if she was beginning to shatter. I caught her and ran her into Carlisle's office, everything was already laid out for her. Bree had run in a given Rosalie the phone, she dialed quickly hoping Carlisle would have received the call so far away.

"Hello?" I heard Carlisle's voice through the phone.

"Carlisle!? It's Fleur... I think she went into labor! You need to get back here now her skin is starting to crack." Rosalie said franticly, if she was a human she would've passed out by now due to lack of oxygen.

"I won't be able to make it back in time you three just need to listen to what I say!" Carlisle demanded.

"Yeah okay... what do we do?" I asked, Rosalie had put the phone on speaker.

"You're going to have to break her skin all the way, if it is cracking so severely she won't be able to give birth naturally without dying. Break the skin on the lower part of her stomach, that's where they'll come out. No knife will be able to penetrate her skin and morphine won't affect her."

I swallowed hard before doing what Carlisle said, as soon as I started cracking it however I could hear Fleur starting to scream, it must've woken her up. Rosalie and Bree jogged toward her trying to comfort her.

"Hey, hey, you're going to be fine okay? This is the hardest part... hold my hands if you have to." Rosalie said lowering herself down to Fleur's level. Fleur didn't seem to hear her, she was too concentrated on the pain. I felt every part of it, it reminded me of when I was with Maria but... I never knew I could feel something this strong before, it was unbearable.

"What now!?" I asked demandingly.

"Do you have her skin broken all the way?"

As soon as he said that, a gush of blood expelled from her body, it was probably from the human blood the protected those organs.

Everything else had faded out and I quickly grabbed them. A wail could be heard across the room. I could hear Rosalie gasp before laughing joyfully, and Bree just stood in the back, she looked shocked. Fleurs screaming had stopped and she sighed in relief, she still sounded weak. I held them close to me and smiled, I looked into their eyes and other facial features. He was a spitting image of his mother.

"Her skin should heal on its own now, it may take a few days," Carlisle explained before the phone went dead.

"Looks like you were right Darlin, it's a boy."

"Oh he's perfect Fleur!" Rosalie exclaimed.

"He's beautiful... Ezra is beautiful..." She then blacked out again...

"Come back Fleur...please." I murmured.

[janaeekook]

.heather. (m)

hyunjindrabbles

warning: alocohol, partying, blowjob

word count: 2.7k (based off the song heather by conan gray)

••••

Don’t fall in love with your bestfriend; just don’t. Don’t let it get to your head with those words they say, you’ll just end up hurt.

Though he never knew how You felt, You were too late. You lost your chance, to heather, You wanted to hate her but how can you hate such an angel?

It hurt that warm September night, when he showed up to your 19th birthday party. Heather with him. You shouldn’t have to fake a smile on your birthday, but the way she had him wrapped around her finger made jealousy burn in your stomach. You decidedly drank away the heartache with copious amounts of alcohol.

You’d drank a lot more alcohol ever since then, all from the pain and emotional turmoil swirling through your head. You found yourself waking up in his friends bed; weather for comfort or some form of sick twisted revenge You cooked up in your head. But he was with Heather.

You’d avoided his texts and calls for months, it was November, the air was brisk and turned your nose a bright shade of pink. You were walking through the streets of Seoul, your hands stuffed into your jacket pockets. The familiar buzz of your phone in you pocket. You took it out glancing at the screen.

1 𝙢𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙜𝙚: 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣

You unlocked your phone to read what he said. You and Chan had been hooking up a lot recently, so you assumed it was something about your plans.

C: 𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙗𝙖𝙗𝙮𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙞 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙩𝙣 ;) 𝙗𝙪𝙪𝙪𝙩𝙩𝙩 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙗𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙮 𝙞 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧??

Chan always loved parties, but he was a responsible partier. He always toke care of you, in more ways than one.

Y/n: 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙢𝙚 𝙪𝙥!

You decided to head back to your small apartment. Somehow the space felt colder than the outdoors, you were always alone nowadays. Your friends all had their own lives to worry about, on the outside it probably seemed you didn’t care for yourself, your constant intake of alcohol and an occasional cigarette.

You were just hurt, questioning why he hadn’t chose you, 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙖 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙤𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. You mind pointed out to you, a sigh left your lips. Taking a seat at your vanity, your eyes studied your tired face — the dark circles that sat beneath your void eyes, your lips not lifting from their pout.

You felt sorry for yourself, the nearly unrecognizable person who stared back at you in the mirror. You sighed rubbing your hands over your face, you were a complete stranger to the girl you saw in the mirror months before.

•

You sat in Chan’s car looking in the mirror attached to the sun visor, you expertly made yourself look my presentable and lively. You took a swig of the small bottle of alcohol you had thrown in your bag. Chan chuckled beside you.

“You know, I can’t fuck you if you get blackout drunk.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Just looking out for you.” He smiled, patting your thigh then getting out of the car. You rolled you eyes before following suit.

It was 10:35, the bass heavy music from changbin’s private home moving through the cool night air. He’d bought the house to throw parties in an attempt to avoid annoying neighbors, it was located in the forest, almost like a cabin.

Chan came up beside you, squeezing at your ass, “You good spending the night here? Changbin said he’s cool with us taking one of the guest rooms.” He winked at you. You nodded in agreement, biting at your lip.

The house was crowded with sweaty bodies that danced wildly to the pounding music. Chan’s lips pressed to your ear telling you he would go get the two of you drinks. So you mingled walking through the house.

“Y/n!” A voice called, you turned to find Changbin who was visibly and audibly being effected by the alcohol he consumed.

“Hey, Binnie!” You smiled, he was like a brother to you. He knew about you and Chan but he trusted Chan with his life and he knew he’d never hurt you.

“Where’s the party animal?”

“Right here.” Chan’s voice sounded as he came closer with two cups, ultimately handing you one before giving Chan a bro hug.

“Man I needed this.” Chan said before downing a sip of the strong beverage in his cup.

Changbin snorted, “You’re so dramatic.” He turned to you before sipping at his own cup, “Did you know your boyfriend was so into the theatrical scene y/n?”

Your cheeks blazed at the question, Chan taking notice only to punch him lightly in the arm. Changbin looked to him then you then back to Chan.

“Oh come on, just date already, what do you have to lose?” Changbin shrugged before gulping down more alcohol.

“Come on don’t take him too seriously, loosen up.” Chan said to you once Changbin had walked off to greet more people. You nodded drinking before allowing Chan to lead you to the crowd of dancing people.

But your thoughts lingered back to Changbin’s words. What did you have to lose? The trust and respect of your bestfriend? But, did Hyunjin really care what you did now a days? The answer was no, but you tried to convince yourself he would. You chugged the rest of the cup making Chan chuckle.

“Go easy there ok?” He said close to your ear, you waved him off before kissing his lips.

“I can handle a little alcohol Chan.” You smirked before dancing against him, or on him rather.

His veiny hands held your hips, as you swayed your hips. His head dropped on your shoulder and you heard him grunt lowly in your ear and you chuckled.

“That turned on already? You poor thing.” Chan’s head popped up instantly, his eyes narrowed at you.

“You better shut that pretty mouth of yours.”

“And if I don’t?” You tested, Chan scoffed lightly. He picked you up in the middle of the crowd and threw you over his shoulder.

“CHRISTOPHER!” You exclaimed not having expected his actions. Your cheeks where red, partly because you were upside down but also due to embarrassment the skirt you had on wasn’t that long.

When he did finally set you down it was in the privacy of a bedroom, the door to which was promptly shut behind him. He pulled your arm down signaling you to get on your knees which you did gladly. Now facing Chan’s 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩, the front of his pants pulling tight. He undid his belt and the button of his pants before pushing his garments down just enough so he was free from the restraint.

You scooted towards him eagerly sitting on your heels and starring up at him through your lashes. The small nod he gave was all you needed before taking him in your mouth, you knew you wouldn’t have the control for long so you took advantage of the brief moment. Swirling your tongue around the head of his cock, then taking him fully in your mouth little by little before pulling back. You knew it drove him crazy, and left him begging for more before he took the reigns. You knew Chan’s body well, you were fully aware of what pleased him, what made him feel good and he you.

You took all of him, the tip hitting the back of your throat lightly, then pulling off of him completely a string of saliva still connecting you. And with that Chan reached to your neck, carefully wrapping his fingers around it, before he brought his cock to your lips beginning to thrust into your mouth and down your throat. Tears formed in your eyes as you chocked around him, as spit dribbled down your chin.

Chan loved you like this, so pretty and at his dispense. It was times like these where his domineering side shown through, when his hand wrapped around your throat could feel himself. Times like these that he forget that you weren’t truly his yet, that there was another, who ironically happened to be his bestfriend. Chan loved you, you were just too blinded to see that, when he stayed when he held you until the sun came up the next morning, that it meant more.

•

Hyunjin and Heather showed up to the party, hand in hand, and a now drunk Changbin approached them.

“Hey love birds! Finally decided to come to a party, it’s been to long!” He slurred over his words, a wide smile on his lips.

“Hey Changbin, where’s everyone else?”

“Ah! Felix and Jisung are mixing drinks in the kitchen they’re not too bad, Jeongin is passed out on the couch, Seungmin and Minho are fighting about if cats or dogs are better and— Chan and Y/n should be around here somewhere,” Changbin looked around for them, “There they are!” He pointed at them, Hyunjin looked to see you leaving a room whipping your chin on the back of your hand. But the initial shock came from how Chan groped your behind and smirked before whispering something in your ear, to which you seemed to giggle.

He watched you leave Chan’s side and stalk into the kitchen. He couldn’t place the feeling of betrayal he felt in his chest, had he really been gone that long? Was he that distracted?

“Hey,” you greeted Jisung and Felix who were concentrated on making crazy strong drinks, “What is this?” You looked into a cup on the counter, it was pink like it had been poured straight from a bottle of pepto bismol.

“That my friend is the, 𝙁𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙮 𝙛𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙪𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧.” Felix answered in a ‘matter-of-fact’ tone.

“How appetizing— can I have it?”

Jisung shrugged, “Sure, just be careful.” And so you took it, it was crazy sweet but you could taste the buzz of the alcohol on your tongue. It went straight to your head and you giggled at the numbing feeling.

“Y/n?” You turned, a smile on your face that quickly faltered, 𝙃𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙟𝙞𝙣.

“You’re here.”

“Can I talk to you? Outside please?” He asked, his voice was stern, you nodded following him out into the yard where you sat on a step of the deck. It was just us. Your heart couldn’t help but race, but when he turned around to face you again he seemed hurt.

“What?”

“What are you doing Y/n?” You gave him a look of confusion, “I saw you and Chan.” You instantly brought your cup to your lips, there was no way you were about to have this conversation sober, feeling glad for how strong the beverage was.

When you didn’t answer right away he continued, “So what, are you two dating?”

“No.” You took another sip.

“So you’re really just sleeping with him?”

“It’s more complicated than that.” You mumbled.

“Then do explain, especially the part where my two bestfriends are sleeping with eachother behind my back.”

“Would you ever date me?” You asked suddenly.

“What? How does that have anything to do with-“

“Just answer the question.”

“You’re my bestfriend Y/n.” Was all he said, 𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝.

“I’m not good enough.” You stated.

“Don’t say that.”

You shrugged, “I don’t meet your standards,”

“Y/n-“

“-You want someone whose perfect, skinny, pretty, So when you take off their clothes you don’t flinch. Someone perfect, and I’m not that. I-I’m damaged, broken, fat, ugly— you’d never love me. Sometimes I just wish I were heather.”

“What did you just say?”

“Hmm, which part?”

“The last part.”

“You’d never love me. What am I wrong?”

“Y/n, you know I love you-“

“But not like heather.” You stated taking another hefty sip of the alcoholic beverage in your hand, you still weren’t sure what was in it, but it sure helped to numb the heartache.

“You wish you were heather. That’s what you said right?” He asked, you couldn’t put together the emotion in his tone, due to the alcohol running through your system. You simply lifted the plastic cup in his direction before bringing it back down to your lips, letting the liquid slide down your throat once again. “So what are you saying?”

“I wish I were heather. You’re smart string-bean, figure it out.”

“Stop saying that.”

You snorted, “No can do string-bean, I’m just being honest, lying is bad you know.”

“Please stop wishing to be her.”

“Why?” You decided to test him, “but I do wish I were heather. I 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 wish I was heather. I wish you would love me like that.” You were on your feet now, stumbling forward to hyunjin, “I wish- I wish you would kiss me like I were heather, touch me like I were heather, fuck me like I were heather. So no, I won’t stop, because I really, 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮, fucking wish I was hea-”

Your words were cut short by the unexpected lips on your own. You felt the warm tears of your bestfriend on your face before you saw them. 𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜? You wondered, 𝙒𝙖𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪? You shoved him off.

“Don’t you dare kiss me because you pity me!” You pointed at him, your lips still tingling.

“No, y/n that’s not it! I lo-“

“Just go back to your 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙, I’ll be going back to Chan now.” You slurred, turning your back on him.

“What so he can just fuck you like a whore and leave?!” You whipped back around to face him.

“Don’t you fucking dare, don’t you dare try to tell me what’s good for me now! Where the fuck have you been the past four months, huh?” Tears began to invade your vision, “You’re crazy thinking you can just come back into my life and tell me what to do with it! Chan was there, you weren’t. You can’t just kiss me, especially when you have a girlfriend. I still don’t even understand why you did that; why would you ever kiss me hyunjin? I’m not even 𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙛 as pretty as her.” You sighed, “Please just- just leave me alone from now on.”

This time when you turned back to the house you didn’t look back, just let the pounding music soothe your broken pieces. You were angry the way he indirectly called you a whore for sleeping with one man, and the way he couldn’t have been more wrong about the whole situation. Chan didn’t just fuck you and leave. There were of course times like that because he had things to do in life like any person, but most of the times he stayed, he helped you with a lot of things. He understood the things about you Hyunjin just simply didn’t get anymore, you didn’t blame him. He’d grown up much different than you had. He was practically raised to marry someone like heather, to have a perfect family with her.

You were never an option. And you never would be.

•

Chan held your hair back as you threw up in the toilet. His free hand rubbing circles on your back, in order to soothe you.

When you finally leaned back from the toilet and against the wall, Chan brought a towel up to wipe off your face. The way he smiled so warmly at you, with not a hint of disgust making you melt.

“Better?” He asked.

“Much.” You sighed, “I’m sorry for being a burden.”

He shook his head intently, “You’re never a burden to me, Y/n,” he kissed your forehead, “Far from it.”

•••

The years that followed that night at the party were long, filled with new obstacles, but that’s life. Chan helped you through the brute of it, he was by your side without a question or complaint.

You fell in love, with someone who you knew loved you the same, in a small apartment at 3am sitting at the piano next to him watching him play the instrument effortlessly. It was in that moment were you realized, Hyunjin had faded from your thoughts. That it’d been years since you even spoke to your bestfriend. But you knew it was for the best, he was happy and so were you.

Things worked out, maybe not in the way you imagined or with whom. But you wouldn’t change this ending for the world, you learned you didn’t need to be heather to have happiness. You just needed to be you.

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Science & Faith | Carlton Drake x Reader (5/?)

Words: 1980

A/N: Kind of losing motivation in writing this series, so I'm going to try and post what I have already written and try writing other things. I technically have more than half of this series finished, but I might do some editing on them before posting.

-

The Return Part One

- Original Universe -

Carlton woke up on the cold floor of the lab. The air was musky, the lights above him burnt out. He heard hurried footsteps from the other side of the room, followed by a firm hand on his shoulder. He flinched, scooting away to get a better look at the room as his eyes began to focus. Three figures stood around him, all in some sort of costume and a few he recognized as some variation of Spider-man’s suit.

“Where’s Stark? And Spider-man?” Carlton mumbled, holding his head to stop the spinning.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific on which Spider-man you’re asking for,” the tallest one said, crouching down next to him. He had brown graying hair, unkempt with a trimmed stubble, but his blue eyes were familiar. “I’m Peter Parker.”

“That… no… so the Collider did work.” Carlton righted himself up and stood with the help of the other Peter. “You’re a bit older than the Peter Parker I knew.”

“You’re Carlton Drake, aren’t you?” a girl said, looks to be about her late teens or early twenties with blonde shoulder length hair and a white and pink Spider suit.

Carlton nodded, dusting himself off.

“He’s Carlton Drake?” a boy around her age said in disbelief, wearing a black and red Spider suit. “The Carlton Drake I knew was this blond white elitist guy who’s been looking to grant immortality or something to rich people.”

The girl shrugged. “Well, I honestly heard of him as the husband of Doctor (Y/n) (Y/l/n). You know, CEO of Life Foundation? They collaborate with Stark Industries to create customized cybernetic limbs and growing fully functioning organs in labs. They’re pretty badass.”

“Peter! Gwen! Miles!” a little girl’s voice called out, “It looks like the entire area had been caught in the blackout and there’s no signs of this lab being in use for years.”

A little girl in a white shirt and black vest ran in, followed by a stomping arachnoid robot and a man dressed like he was from a noir film in the forties.

“There’s no sign of Doctor Octavius or Kingpin anywhere here. Where should we go first?” the man asked in his deep voice, his face covered with a black mask.

Peter held up a hand to his chin as he thought. “This doesn’t make any sense. I could have sworn I saw this collider powered before we all arrived here. There’s still heat radiating off of it, but the whole place looks deserted,” he mumbled to himself.

Miles subconsciously mirrored him, placing a hand on his chin to help him brainstorm. He frowned for a moment before his face brightened, turning to Carlton.

“You mentioned Stark, as in Tony Stark, right? Since we’re in New York, he’s someone that could help us with this, right?” Miles suggested.

They exchanged a glance and shrugged. “It’s worth a shot,” Gwen said.

“How are we gonna reach him?”

“We’ll just have to go straight to him,” Carlton said. “To Stark Towers.”

-

As Dora dug further into the old research of Doctor Otto Octavius, she could see where things could go wrong immediately. The energy needed to be controlled in a stable environment and with too much power, it could become unstable and break the barriers of the other dimensions. Was it possible that the doctor’s accident had been connected to this collider project? Hopefully, it was never completed or else someone could get their hands on it.

There was a knock at the door, one of the researchers reminding her to take a break. They all planned to head towards the bar and relax and think of what to do next. Dora kept the files on the collider in her bag and followed them out, sparing one last glance at the picture of you and Carlton on his desk before locking the office door behind her.

She wasn’t much for drinking, but when they poured a glass for her, she readily took a sip of it. Carlton’s descent into madness stressed the hell out of her, making her question whether she was still part of the good guys or were in cahoots with the bad guys. All she wanted was to help people, maybe even find the cure for cancer. Then, her family was threatened, so what else could she do? She was unable to tell anyone what was happening. Nothing to her friends or family. She noticed how estranged she had become as a result of this and had to slowly patch things up with her life outside of Life Foundation.

“Hey, Dave, turn that up!” one of the regular bar patrons shouted, pointing at the TV.

The bartender reached over and turned the volume up as everyone gathered around the bar. Dora looked up, her eyes widened at what she was seeing. A sudden earthquake shook New York and caused a massive black out. There were no seismic activities prior to this, so scientists were still looking into it.

“Jesus, what the hell happened?” someone muttered next to Dora.

“Who the hell knows,” another one said.

Dora quickly whipped out her phone and texted you, hoping that you were okay.

-

Your eyes were attacked by a bright light as you slowly came to. The last thing you remembered was standing in the streets when you fainted. Why did you faint?

You heard a door sliding open, followed by clicking heels. “How are you feeling?” asked the doctor.

“I’m… a bit dizzy,” you managed to say.

The doctor nodded, explaining that she was going to perform a few tests before giving you a cup of water. “Miss Pepper saw you unconscious in your car through the security cameras and sent a small team to retrieve you. Do you mind telling me what happened?”

You sat up slowly with the help of the doctor and frowned. “I was clocking out for the day when traffic suddenly stopped, um… there was some kind of blackout. An explosion had happened a couple miles away and affected the whole area.” The doctor nodded, waiting for you to continue. “Then… I got distracted by something in the sky. I don’t know what it was, but I had a feeling that it was heading straight to Stark Towers. And then, I heard a voice…”

You frowned, trying to remember who it was. Your mind had an answer, but it was impossible. Carlton was dead, but it sounded just like him. It looked like him, dressed up in his usual dark gray suit that he would only use for conferences and company dinners, but at the same time he seemed different.

“Who was it?” The doctor asked.

“It’s crazy,” you said, not wanting to say anything further.

The doctor smiled. “We’re in a building owned by a man with an iron suit. One resident has powers originated by a glowing alien cube, another can turn into a green hulking monster when he’s angry, then another was a soldier from World War Two that had been kidnapped to be their mind controlled assassin, kept in a cryochamber until they have some use for him. I can go on and on. You know, just saying, so we both are on the same page of what crazy is.”

You took a deep breath and nodded, exhaling slowly. “I thought I heard… I saw my ex,” you said, staring down at your hands.

The doctor tilted her head. “How is that cra- ”

“He’s dead,” you said quickly, almost bitterly, “He’s been dead for months.”

“Ah.” She looks down at her chart, then back at you. “Well, you can rest up first. Mr. Stark wants to speak with you and it may explain what you saw. And trust me when I say that you need all the rest you can get. Doctor’s orders.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

She nodded, turning to let you rest. Walking out of the medical area of the floor, she was immediately met with the sight of five new people in costumes and a man in a dark gray suit that looked oddly familiar. The man was arguing with Tony, demanding to see you. She cautiously walked in, holding your medical chart close to her. Tony spotted her and smiled.

“Ah, Doctor Cho, any updates?” he said, wanting to get out of his conversation with the man.

“Yes, they are in a more stable state and everything else seems fine. They just need some rest,” Doctor Cho said, emphasizing the last word to the man.

“Can I at least see them?” The man asked, stepping towards her. “They’re my fiance.”

Doctor Cho frowned. “They haven’t mentioned anything about being engaged. What was your name again?”

“Carlton Drake.”

She exchanged a look with Tony who stepped in between them. “We need to discuss what happened,” he said, “And maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you see (Y/n).”

Carlton sighed. “Fine.”

Tony took them to the communal floor where he brought up a projection displaying cameras and news reports about the black out before heading towards his bar to pour himself a drink. After taking a sip, he walked back and brought up another screen. He pointed at Carlton, then brought up a video of a rocket explosion at Life Foundation. Carlton’s face twisted in confusion as he watched the news report of the accident and his passing.

“(Y/n) doesn’t say much about their life back in San Francisco, but I always do background checks on my employees. There had been a few pap pics of the two of you over the years and the most recent one in Singapore a day before one of your spaceships crashed,” Tony said, “Can you see why I can’t just let you see (Y/n)? In our universe or reality or whatever you want to call it, you’re dead.”

Carlton stepped back to process this, his eyes glued to the news coverage of his demise. They spoke of all the things he had done in this parallel universe, good and bad. And there were a lot of bad things that he felt weren't being revealed.

Peter stepped forward, explaining what had happened that led him to this universe and the others followed one by one. They were all in activities unrelated to Kingpin when they were sucked into this portal and spat out here. They all turned to Carlton, wanting to know what happened to him.

“I… me and the other Tony Stark and the other… Peter Parker was looking into Kingpin and found his lab. The collider was headed by Doctor Olivia Octavius- “

“So Doc Ock was a woman in your universe,” Tony muttered, earning a glare from Carlton for purposely interrupting. He held his hands up and gestured for him to continue.

“She activated the collider and through the scuffle, I got thrown into the chamber. I tried to shoot the panel when she blasted the power capacity to its fullest. I’m not sure if the other Tony Stark was able to destroy the panel in time, but I still ended up going through the portal.”

Tony hummed. “Very interesting. Well, if it was me, I would have gotten the job done,” he commented, downing his drink, “But because he is the alternate version of me, then he’s bound to be brilliant because from the readings I got, the source seems to be coming from here.” He brings out a 3D map of New York and zooms it towards Doctor Otto Octavius’s old laboratory. “If the portal from your universe had gone off, you would have all been teleported to that universe instead. That being said, our Doc Ock died years ago and Kingpin had been sitting in jail during that time. Maybe someone’s been squatting in that place or maybe the collider redirected all of you here. Either way, this needs to be fixed.”

[rosesgonerogue]

Let the Sunshine In - Chapter 6

Masterlist (because I finally learned to make one)

Five years ago Jason would have said he felt like death. Now Jason would have welcomed death with open arms if he thought Ra’as wouldn’t just track his body down and resurrect him again, even more broken the second time around. 

Also, saying that you felt like death usually implied that someone was listening, which definitely was not the case. He felt like a ghost in a number of ways, a specter trapped between heaven and hell, desperate for someone to notice him, confirm that he existed. But the feeling of emptiness, of invisibility was put aside in the name of anger. After all, anger reigned supreme in his mind. 

As each day passed, thoughts of Marinette slowly faded. It couldn't have been more than a week since he’d left her house, but the memories felt years old, a fleeting moment of light that could never have been permanent. It was almost easier that way, so he couldn’t reflect on how badly he’d messed up. 

Not that Jason had any time to reflect. Each day without Marinette meant that the anger was becoming stronger and more frequent. He found himself blacking out for large chunks of time, and when he woke up he would wake up in the Red Hood mask, covered in blood that wasn’t his. 

A part of him didn’t know why he even bothered with the costume - he was already a monster, no one could deny it. Part his reasoning for the costume was simply habit from his days as Robin, but a large part of his motivation was the thought of Marinette stumbling across him in the street. Just imagining the look of horror on her face was enough to shatter what little sense of self he had. 

Maybe Marinette meant more to him than he was willing to admit. 

So, Jason existed, even though he didn’t want to. It only took a week for Paris to start talking about him consistently, so he watched the news, monitored what he did when he wasn’t in control. It seemed that he hadn’t killed anyone yet - or if he had, the Miraculous Cure had brought them back. Apparently he lost consciousness during akuma attacks, and on several occasions he’d simply shot the akuma down, disappearing while Ladybug and Chat Noir dealt with the aftermath. 

In theory the fact that he hadn’t shot anyone should have been some small consolation, but he couldn’t avoid that suspicion that he wasn’t actually helping the French heroes. He’d dealt with enough in Gotham to know when something was playing head games to accomplish their own means, and whatever it was that controlled him during his blackouts wanted something sinister. 

Weeks passed just like that, Jason slowly losing himself day by day to the anger, the destruction he caused. 

The nothingness. 

Disguises, masks, his life was pushed into the shadows. He didn’t even think that he could actually call this living. Jason chuckled to himself, the sound cold and empty. His miraculous second chance at life left him in even worse shape than before Bruce found him, cold and hungry and completely without the will to live. 

Jason didn’t have much hope for the future - really, he had a single hope. When the time came, he hoped that next time he stayed dead. 

***********

She couldn’t understand - Marinette had known Jay for less than twenty-four hours, but the memory of him still haunted her. Did he have a safe place to stay? Was he eating enough? Had he fully succumbed to the influence of the Lazarus Pits yet? 

Shaking herself, she turned her attention back to the issue at hand: Red Hood, the mysterious new vigilante. He had dodged any efforts she or Chat made to follow or talk to him, so they decided to split up and look for him outside of an akuma attack. It was doubtful that it would yield anything, but Marinette knew that if that hideous outfit she’d been forced to make was visible, she would spot it. The jury was still out on whether or not she would destroy it - if the opportunity presented itself, she would be more than tempted. 

Swinging around the city until it was dark seemed like more than enough, though. Pausing on a rooftop, Ladybug spoke into her yo-yo. “I think it’s time to call it quits, Chaton. We both need to get some rest.” 

“Brilliant idea, M’Lady. Don’t worry, we’ll find him soon.” 

“I have no doubt about that, Chaton. After all, I can’t just let him steal my colors like this.” 

Chat Noir let out a surprised bark of laughter. “I don’t know what happened to bring you back to yourself, Bugaboo, but it’s nice to have the old you back.”

“It feels nice to be back, Kitty. Now sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 

“Oh, you’re trying to steal my lines now? Just you wait, my new jokes are going to be insuf-fur-able.” 

The two bantered a bit before finally saying goodbye. Detransforming, Marinette clambered down the building’s fire escape. It was dusk, so she probably should have gone straight home, but there was a grocery store not too far away, and she needed a few things. 

“Bonjour,” the tired shop owner called upon her entrance. 

“Bonjour!” Marinette replied, mentally making a list of things she needed. She was content to browse the shelves idly, despite the dwindling sunlight. It was a smaller store, and a handful of others milled around as well. 

Marinette was staring down the produce and deciding what she wanted to make the coming week when the shopkeeper yelled, “Stop! Thief!”

Instinctively dropping her basket, Marinette launched herself to the doors of the store where someone was attempting to flee. He got caught up in a crowd on the sidewalk, which gave Marinette more time to catch up to him. 

The closer she got to him, the more she recognized an eerie situation permeating the air. Now with completely different intentions, Marinette pounced, catching Jay’s and in hers. 

She hauled him into an empty alleyway before demanding, “Jay? Are you okay? What’s going on? Why did you leave? Especially if you have to steal!” 

Seeing him like this hurt, definitely more than Marinette could have ever expected it to. His eyes widened when they met hers, full of emotions - pain, fear, and regret swirled in his eyes before that same toxic green clouded them and anger reigned supreme. Snarling like a feral animal, he lunged towards Marinette with hands outstretched.

Marinette had been dreaming of finding Jay again for weeks, but this wasn’t how she’d pictured any of it happening. She dodged instinctively, and her stomach twisted when his jacket fell open just enough to see the familiar bullet proof material he wore underneath. 

So, it seemed she’d found Red Hood after all. 

None of it made sense just yet, but some of the pieces were starting to fall into place. All along it had seemed like Red Hood had been attempting to help in his own, destructive way, but he had never spoken, and his movements were always jerky, uncontrolled, not at all the way that Jay moved ordinarily. As someone alive because of the pits, he was probably drawn to all of the errant Miraculous energy.

It wasn’t fair. Overwhelmed by the injustice of his situation, Marinette’s body took over. She ducked another of his lunges and pivoted on her heel, her other one connecting solidly with his temple. He crumpled on impact, leaving Marinette panting and slightly regretting her hasty action. But her recently unleashed emotions burned within her. 

Screw the Lazarus Pits, screw Jay’s anger, and screw Hawkmoth. Neither of them had asked for any of this - neither of them deserved  any of this.

She went back in to pay for the food she’d dropped and he’d stolen before calling a taxi.

“Marinette, what are you thinking?” Tikki asked, flitting around her head while they waited. 

“I’ve been complacent for too long. I understand why I’ve done what I’ve done, but no more. Hawkmoth, whoever did this to Jay, they better watch out because I’m taking our lives back.” Marinette glanced to the bag she assumed held Red Hood’s helmet. “But only after I burn that awful helmet.”

Tikki couldn’t reply because it was then that the cabbie arrived, but she settled in Marinette’s purse, practically glowing. Finally.

Taglist: 

@cravethosecrazysquares @krispydefendorpolice @thesunanditsangel @sonif50 @kris-pines04 @persephonebutkore @tbehartoo @corabeth11 @caffeinetheory @drarryismylife101 @bluerosette23 @weird-pale-blonde-person @mystery-5-5 @heaven428 @thethirdwheelfriend @thetinymoonflower @interobanginyourmom @chocolate1721 @akana-sama @skyel0ve @katiegardneriscoolerthanyou @theatreandcomicfreak @jardimazul-blog @karategirl119 @thewondersoflebanon @tbehartoo @shizukiryuu @northernbluetongue @moonlightstar64 @naoryllis @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @saphiraazure2708 @yokizu @jeminiikrystal @chocolatecatstheron @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @zalladane @slytherinsheashire @bran-thecreeper-stark @otaku4312 @emotionalsupportginger @dorkus-minimus @18-fandoms-unite-08 @tired-butterfly @bamagirl513 @pauliestorylover @alenee13 @ladybug-182 @senpaiweird @kalligraphic @jessigurl-design @emeraldpuffguide @veunnotvuen @storyteller-d @g-arya @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @procrastinatingrightnow @sturchling @dast218 @trashystar420 @indecisive-mess-named-me @awesome-starfish-and-tacos @kittycatwowmeow  @zebrabaker @mycupisbroken @jeminiikrystal @miraculous-simmer7 @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @lulutheawkwardess @fusser90 @fsketchart @maribat-is-lifeblood @buticaaba @zotinha456 @purplesundaze @verraa

Note: 

Hey guys, I know it's been forever, sorry about that. I had a wicked case of writer's block, which was compounded by the fact that I only have the loosest of outlines for this fic. Picking what direction I needed to go was harder than I thought it would be. But I'm not giving up on this story, I promise to see it through to the end no matter how long it takes! If you want to be tagged or if I forgot you somehow, just leave a comment in the notes! 

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Necessary risks' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Necessary risks"

"You will see, Yirina ! I will bring you to home like I always told you...with me !"

Chapter Summary : After Yirina was put to sleep by Freya, she discovered that her & Stitch are planning something that awaked her worst fears in life and she needs...hope....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3200

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

------------------------------------------------------------------

They know that I have lied about my state, that I knew about everything since 3 years and even with that in mind, they still want to have me back in their lines, to fight again under Perseus's wings but I refuse that, I told Freya in the face that I will never come back in their ranks, not after everything that happened to me but they're obstinate....Freya is obstinate. Stitch & her....they're planning to get me back by force since I'm not willing to help....I'm going to be drugged again, brainwashed again....I want to find hope but my situation is getting worst, they're claiming to help me, they're just destroying me....

After Stitch assured to me that I'm belonging to Perseus, he started to drug me along with Freya who came back as they wanted to see how much the drugs effects were reacting in me and how they were going to proceed for the next few days. This was going to be my usual days now : getting attached to that strecther and be drugged to see how I'm reacting....They have done this for....3 days....3 long days on that stretcher, with them trying to find an way to break into my mind without killing me.

At each end of an day, they were bringing back to my cell and each time, I wasn't able to move away from my bed, feeling the drugs in me, almost unconscious, unresponsive. I didn't speak one word in three days and Sonya who usually come at some points in some days before they start to drug me, they weren't coming anymore, probably kept away and Park....Park, I don't want to lose her, she's the only thing in here that is giving me hope but when my hope is also harmed...I'm feeling to start to lose my own will....

I found myself back into the same place that has changed my life, the day that he decided to put me down for 'the greater good' : that cliffside at Solovetsky. It was the same thing as before except that this time, I could see the beginning of the conversation that Adler had with me...with Bell while me, I was an unseen spectator. All that talk, saying that I was an hero, that I did sacrifices that day....how many crap this man gave me in an few moments, it was making me sick to hear him saying to me.

And then, that moment happened again, the two of us drawing our guns before the time stopped like it did last time. Before 'Bell' was getting unfreezed out of time, I decided to put myself to sit near the edge, awaiting for her to come to life, having an talk with my own self. I was maybe going crazy to do that in my mind....but at least, I'm talking with someone.

"They're really going to do this again, aren't they ?" I heard 'Bell's voice behind me, meaning that she was now alive as I didn't flinch from her voice....my voice.

"They think that it's the good thing to do, Bell." I replied in an low voice, my hands on the ground as Bell was coming near me. "They want to break us."

"By using the MK-Ultra program...." Bell whispered as I slowly turned around to see her, sitting on the spot she was, not having moved at all. "I guess that this douchebag is going to be happy with that." She cursed, looking at the still frozen Adler, drawing his gun.

"If only we didn't follow him here, we could have avoided all of this." I exclaimed, spreading my arms to make Bell look around but her look was still on him. "You're thinking of something ?" I asked her, seeing her curious face.

"I've been thinking that our life...before all of this....it was already broken." She stated, turning her head to look at me with sadness on her face. "You...me....we tried to hold on with our friends and we got carried away by the CIA." She added, before getting up from her spot to walk next to me. "Adler just wanted to finish what Perseus started on us."

"I don't know, maybe you're right !" I breathed before I got up too but my mind....I wasn't ready to talk about this. "I don't know what to think right now." I claimed, making an few steps behind Adler. "Look at what they're doing to us."

"I know." She said in an very low voice, looking down at her feets.

"We both know that." I spoke up, raising my voice without real reasons. "I'm trying to make sure that we will get out of this hell alive but I'm hopeless and I can't do anything." I told her , looking away to the sea. "I'm fully crazy."

"How you can be sure that you're crazy ?" Bell demanded at me, making me look at her with narrowed eyes.

"Look at where I am and at who I'm talking too." I responded, spreading my arms again for them. I was maybe real crazy and I don't know if someone can counter me on that. "Talking with my own self, Bell while standing in the place that costed us 3 years !" I proclaimed, scratching the back of my neck with my left hand.

"You want help, that's the thing you're seeking for." Bell explained, making an single step towards me. "We both want that." She added in an clear voice.

"And by talking to you, I'm getting help ? You're just myself." I snorted, feeling tears coming out of my eyes because I didn't want to be too rude here. "I've been keeping fighting for years, I opened my eyes too late and....I'm just trying to survive while almost everyone is trying to kill me."

"CIA, Perseus...they're both the same." Bell claimed, joining her hands together. "Both claiming that they want to help us in our lifes and in result, they put out the pieces to broke us more." She continued as she removed the gloves that was covering her left hand, to see the burn mark on it...our burn mark as I look at it too on my own hand. "An lot of things happened in our life, good or bad."

"And the world only want me to remember the bad ones." I sniffed, my eyes on my hand, wanting that mark to disappear.

"This..." Bell started, pointing at her hand. "It's from an bad day and it caused us to hide this hand from everyone because we were afraid." She told me, throwing her glove of this hand aside on the ground. "And that scar you had, it's because of what Adler did." She pointed her hand towards the scar on the side of my head.

"I don't know how to feel about it." I passed my hand through the scar, wondering if I want to keep it or remove it from my life but this and that burn mark can't be erased. "That place is...I don't know if we can move away from here." I suggested.

"Yeah, let's go to another one." Bell took an deep breath until suddenly, I suffered like an blackout, causing me to not see an thing until I could reopen my eyes.

We were now....on that airstrip in Turkey....two months before the events in Solovetsky and now, it was me & Bell who were acting as spectators of the whole scene : we could see Arash Kadivar shoot at us before leaving us for dead and the chaos that followed, Freya coming back an few minutes after to took our ring and left us dead too until the scene stopped when Adler found us in that truck. We were both silent and attentive but I could feel the pain that wanted to cry out at every seconds of that moment.

"This is how he found us." Bell started, breaking the silence between us as she was slowly walking towards the truck where I was with Adler near it. "He maybe thought that we were somehow lucky to have survived with 3 bullets in us." She added.

"He could have let us die." I suggested but Bell shook her head.

"No, that wasn't an solution for him and for us, Yirina." She protested, leaning herself against the truck, her eyes on Adler. "That was the best chance of his life to have someone this close to Perseus, he wouldn't miss it."  She gestured with her fingers, almost making an round with her right thumb & index.

"Yeah but why did we never talk ?" I asked Bell even if her & me were the same person, she couldn't have the answer. "We were trying to defect, we were going to speak but something happened."

"But that something is hard to know." She whispered, looking back at me.

"That little something caused us to be brainwashed by Adler, that little something broke us and maybe because of it, it would break us more." I stated, falling on my knees as the feeling of defeat were taking over me. "We lost our hope to get out, nothing is coming to save us."

"No one." Bell repeated in an low voice, also in defeat with me.

"They have rescued Adler but us...they're leaving us like that." I exclaimed, passing my hand through my face to clean it from any tears but nothing couldn't stop them. "Park is going to suffer the same fate, she needs us and we need her but...they're breaking us apart."

"They want us to became something that we were never have been." She snorted as I could see that me & her were feeling the same things, now taking the same tone. "We're both broken but we can try to put the pieces back together."

"And how ?" I cried towards her as she start to slowly move towards me.

"Listen." She started after arriving in front of me, going back on her knees. "We're not going to get help from outside but you're going to find help in the inside." She told me, putting her hands on my arms. "The following fight you will do is going to be inside of you."

"I don't know." I whispered, looking down before she put her hand on my chin to make me look at her, trying to recomfort me.

"You can't let them get in your mind, Yirina." She ordered in an serious voice, still holding me. "You need to show them that you're the one in control, that you're strong enough but first...." She stopped herself as she closed her eyes before looking in the dark skies of the night....

"You need to wake up !"

Her voice....my voice caused me to open my eyes back into the real world...back in this cell with me, almost exhausted after every of their damn tests to see how they can break me apart...finishing the work that Perseus started, that Adler wanted to finish until they're the ones who were going to do this for good. I have to resist but how ? My whole body isn't too responsive at the moment, only fully able to move my head and moving my legs & arms slowly, it wasn't hurting me, just that my moves were just slow.

I was able to turn around on the bed with the strenght I had in me but right at this moment I was finishe that the door was getting opened at my greatest horror, too late to move at my former position. It was...Stitch accompanied by Freya herself, both looking dead serious as they moved to get next to me, still standing up.

"The drugs effects must have been gone by now." Freya started, not even having an face of guilty on her face.

"She did really recover this fast from all of this but is she ready ?" Stitch asked to her and she nodded, looking at me with curiosity, seeing me in that state.

"Yes." She replied with an single word, turning around to look at him. "Breaking the subject's will and erasing their mind is a difficult and painful process." She added, saying it in an normal voice.

"Why...." I wanted to said but my voice was sounding so low that they couldn't hear me right.

"There's no back down, Freya." Stitch told her, pointing at her. "If we're doing this, we might risk to make her lose an large part of her memory." He explained to her, an bit worried. "We're already done this but she has already faced the program."

"It's an risk to take, an necessary one, Stitch !" She spoke up, joining her hands together as she moved aside to get at my head level. "We will help her to remember everything."

"You will do this to be honest !" He proclaimed, crossing his arms to her. "I'm not going to be around her every day, that's your job." He continued, making an sign to the outside.

"Why..." I tried to repeat before Freya put her hand on my face, making me stop in my attempt to talk, having found some strenght to speak better.

"No...don't talk." She ordered in an low voice as an stretcher was getting inside the room. "We're helping you." She reaffirmed before she go away from me. "It's good, we can bring her in the medical room." She finished as Stitch and another soldier moved to get me laid down on that stretcher before we could left the room.

Seeing myself attached to that stretcher, it was like seeing myself back at the first time the CIA were doing this to me. All the way to that room, I was almost blinded by every light of the long hallway they were making me go, only able to see the soldier that was pushing the stretcher along with Freya herself and all the way, she was only looking at me, not even removing her eyes of me but still having that serious and determined look to have me back at her side.

I couldn't resist here as we were arriving inside the medical room, seeing another empty stretcher in the room and they put me back at the same position they were putting me each day to drug me. I thought that it was going to be like every day but this time, they weren't already starting to do what they would do to me....this day was feeling very different right now.

"You still have the files for her brainwashing ?" Freya asked Stitch as he was leaned against the same control panel he slammed his fists days ago.

"No, my man will come in an few moments here." He replied, crossing his arms before looking at me. "Do you think she can hold on ?"

"No..." I whispered, thinking that this was going to kill me....this whole thing is killing me inside & outside.

"It's not for you to decide, Grigoriev !" He taunted me back in an dark voice.

"I think she can." She told him like that, speaking at my place as she was staying near me. "Your man has already got some success in here, I know it will work." She affirmed making me wonder what she was talking about. "The data we got from the Yamantau is very useful to us."

"It was very important for us, indeed." He said before suddenly, the door opened, revealing an masked man.

"Sir, I finished to look at the reports about Grigoriev." The masked man expressed, holding an notebook in his hands....that voice....it's familiar but who is it ?....

"Good, what did you find ?" Stitch demanded.

"I have to check the few files your men were able to steal from the CIA : it seems that she has some triggering memories." The man started as I was trying to find out who was that man, sounding too familiar. "The CIA used it to make her talk about the old base at Solovetsky."

"What do you think about them ?" Freya questioned the man.

"I guess that we can try to make them put on action and if everything goes fine, we would maybe be able to delete them but it will have an big consequence."

"She will lose her memories ?" The man nodded to Stitch's question.

"Since that she already faced that in her life...." He started as this voice was echoeing in my head until....

"Dedov ?" I spoke up, realizing that under this mask, it was Dedov....Zasha's brother...My voice caused everyone to stop in their moves. "Dedov, is that you ?" I repeated.

"Who are you ?" Dedov asked me back, sounding an bit disturbed. "Stitch, where do I know her ?" He demanded to him.

"Dedov, you don't know her." Stitch answered, putting his hand behind Dedov's back to reassure them. "She's our enemy and she's crazy." He claimed.

"But she knows my name, sir." Dedov told him in an low voice.

"She has learned of you, my friend." Stitch lied....making me realize the worst....Perseus brainwashed Dedov....those fuckers....

"No...you brainwashed him !" I started to shout, trying to struggle with my own links as Freya moved to keep me down. "You brainwashed him !" I yelled before Stitch put his hand on my mouth.

"You...are going to shut your fucking mouth !" He ordered in an harsh tone as he could see my eyes crying with full tears in them until the door opened again, revealing Park....hold by two soldiers.

"Let me go, you sick bastards !" She exclaimed loudly as the two were dragging her inside the room.

"Put her on the stretcher." Stitch told them and they complied as he was keeping his hand on my mouth, avoiding to speak any further. "See what you're doing to yourself and her, Grigoriev ?" He scoffed, feeling an bit of rage inside, moving hardly but useless.

"You can't do this !" Park shouted as she was getting attached by the two men. "I will kill everyone...." She wanted to continue until Freya moved by herself to put her own hand in front of Park's mouth.

"No, you listen to me, little british bitch !" Freya was sounding very angry in her voice, holding Park's mouth firmly. "You took my own Yiri and now, you will see what it's like to lose someone you love." She admitted as she make an sign to the two men. The two moved to put some tape on Park's mouth and forcing her to watch me getting through all of this.

"Sir, here's the injection you need." Dedov returned back to normal, holding an syringue in his hands.

"Thank you, my friend." Stitch thanked him, taking the syringue in his hands. "Where are we doing this ?" He asked, turning around to face Freya that was moving back to me...to hold tightly my head to not make me move.

"Through the eyesocket !" Freya responded, holding me and forcing my left eye open. "An injection to the brain could provoke seizures or worse." She added as Stitch were approaching  me with his syringue.

"Let's do this." He whispered as he could insert the needle inside my left eye and like Adler did, I was now feeling weird, my vision getting troubled and Freya releasing her hold on me. "Come on Bell, you know how this think work, you needed to find that bunker." He started as my eyes were going to shut down at any second before the light above me blinded me.....

"Bell, we have an job to do !"

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 28: Valon Joins the Dead People Gang

So lately it’s been really freakin hot.

Like crazy freakin hot. I haven’t done anything productive because youknow--I live in a Covid hotspot and I’ve been quarantined for what feels like is 6 years, and then to continue the 10 plagues across America, now it’s just really freakin hot.

I was trying to go the hell to sleep when I heard this WIND outside my window at 2 AM. Just...WIND. It was like 5000 degrees outside, and then it started thundering, and then the lightning started hitting and I was like...wtf 2020, please calm down!

So I decided to check Twitter at 3 AM really fast just to make sure this wasn’t a freakin dream. Aaaaaaand Northern California had a Fire tornado warning.

3 words I never thought I’d see in conjunction. Fire tornado Warning.

and it hella dropped in Tahoe, y’all, it was freakin nuts. Meanwhile, Death Valley--the place where Yugi hella biffed it and died, if you don’t remember--hit 130 F (54.4 C, for the metric lovers in the back) so...it’s been a time for every part of California, and now we have some good ol fashioned rolling blackouts accompanied by 27 wildfires (yes, 27 fires) who have turned the sky into a yellow pea soup.

So because of the rolling blackouts (one of our power transformers exploded because of either the lightning or overuse, I dunno) at any point...my power might go out. Because of this, I didn’t feel like booting up Photoshop and so instead I’ll just...work on this.

...something about the Fire Tornado, the yellow shadow realm outside my window, and crazy lightning over San Fransisco reminded me that it’s been a HOT MINUTE since I’ve posted so lets get back to Yugioh. Somehow they knew that the doorway to hell was my back yard and you know what? They’re right. Completely believable and I wish someone would close the damn door.

Tristan read my mind that it’s been such a hot minute since I’ve checked in, that he mansplained a very quick summary of what the hell is currently happening to Tea Gardner.

A brave man, Tristan Taylor. A brave man to risk getting into a fight with Tea, who is the only Goliath on this show that exists without also being a paper card.

Which is when Pharaoh had some news.

I guess without Duke around, Pharaoh had to be the new Killjoy

(read more under the cut)

I exaggerate a little for the caps, but it’s kind of interesting that when Joey is usually on his own, it’s Yugi who’s certain that Joey is about to die and Pharaoh is the one that has to calm little Yugi down. But, when Yugi’s not there, I guess Pharaoh is just already in a Mood.

Mai is really weird this episode! I wish this season had gone into more detail about the extent of the Orichalcos’s mind control. Because Mai could very well be under it’s spell...or not...maybe it has no spell and they’re just falling for it like a placebo?

It’s not like the Orichalcos was ever put on anyone who was “good.” like if it were possessing someone nice like...

....

....(let me think about this, I’ll think of someone on this show who is a true lawful good.)

....

.................Dark Magician Girl, then I’d actually know if this Orichalcos actually IS different from how these characters actually are. But Mai was introduced in this series as a villain, and she’s always been around to bust balls, so it’s like...what part is Mai and what part is not?

Apparently a part that only shows up when Valon dies.

PS Valon turns a very quick 180 right before he died. I honestly thought I had skipped an episode or something because bro mentioned something about...Valon burning down a church or something...but I think that was a spicy headcanon where he mixed up this show with another anime.

I think. If I skipped an episode, y’all would tell me, right? I didn’t skip an episode?

I did skip the card games, however, so something about getting punched like 1000 times in the dick by Joey Wheeler taught Valon how to be human again, and the death that followed the 1000 dick punches inspired Mai to remember that Valon exists and that she Loves Him.

(just flat on his face)

I just...

I am going to give Yugioh this one. They have had so little in terms of relationships--I will give this to them. Good Job Yugioh, you did it. You had a relationship on your show. Sure, it was one where she...never seemed to like the guy at all, but hey--they actually did embrace...a corpse. Good on you, Yugioh.

Again, I have a really difficult time not cracking up about this very tragic moment a little bit because (and I have said this before about relationships on Yugioh), but I have never seen a TV show treat a straight relationship this way. I have never seen Straight Baiting before in my life and it is...WILD.

Also because Valon and Mai have both murdered I want to say hundreds of people at this point, it’s hard to feel too bad about them, although they are drawn as a very cute couple in how their outfits match. They got the finger less gloves, the belts hanging off their collar, the sleeveless outfit that is both too much clothes and too little clothes at the same time.

And like...I really like the idea behind Valon/Mai. I still think that was a good idea to build off of, I just wish that there was more of a sign from Mai that she had any idea that Valon existed prior to this. Because Valon had Orichalcos too, but he was fully able to love her--so what was happening on her end that prevented this? Was it just the amount that she hated Joey was so much more than her love for Valon? Was Valon actually more jealous of her hate of Wheeler and misinterpreted it as love?

Anyway it’s a billion degrees and I don’t have air conditioning so...I think we’ll have more time to think about this next episode. Maybe it’ll occur to me two weeks after this heat wave ends exactly what I am trying to grasp at when it comes to these two, but for now all I can say is...well it was nice.

Ah RIP Valon/tine (or at least I assume that’s the ship name). You lasted almost a whole season. You almost became a thing. I guess well find out if there’s redemption after he eventually gets resurrected.

And on this show we redeem resurrected people kind of a lot, so that seems reasonable. Sure it was a couple hundred people that he murdered but like...we redeemed Marik.

And then she goes back to wigging out like immediately. The flipping and the flopping of Mai Valentine in this episode is a lot.

And immediately after he says something along the lines of this, he follows with...doing this:

Joey! Valon just died so you wouldn’t have to duel Mai Valentine! He’s dead, Joey! Maybe try talking???

The thing about this show is that cards can both heal you and also destroy you, and the line between the two is just...rolling a dice and hoping you come out healed. Yugi played cards against Yami so that Yami could free himself from his guilt and move on--Valon was healed of Orichalcos control because Joey beat him at cards--Seto was “cured” of his more evil side because Yami mind wiped him in a card game--card magic is weird.

At the same time, Cards can take your soul in just So Many Ways--kind of one of the downsides. But, in a very round about way, maybe cards are kind of like therapy in this world. Maybe they don’t have therapy, and all these kids playing card games with eachother is metaphorical to how they all need eachother in order to push eachother to actually go through the steps of-

Ah, who am I kidding? They just really needed to have Mai lose at cards so they could write her off the show.

I do appreciate that the show never tells you that someone’s actions in the past mean they must rot for eternity. This show will never cancel anyone and say “burn that bridge, let’s go” but I feel like murder is...the line where you can just walk away?

But youknow if that were true of Joey wheeler he’d have no friends left.

During this time, The Yugioh crew was inexplicably lost while, for once in his entire life, Seto was going the correct direction.

Unfortunately, the lure to throw cards at thing was too much for him to go the right direction for very long. It is kind of funny to note that he is the smartest boy in Domino--so he knows you can drive through a hologram--but he just didn’t want to know if they were real or not, so he...didn’t.

Like I think that says a lot about Seto, and I’m sure the show-runners didn’t think about this at all, but he could have tested his theory right now. He could have just seen if these were real in order to know if he was crazy or not...but he’d rather be insane, than be involved with magic.

Anyways, Mai drops that Orichalcos.

Reminder that San Francisco is only 7-12 miles from one end to the other depending on what part of the peninsula you’re on.

But then again, they’re reading a map in Roman characters and these kids are school dropouts who only speak Japanese and maybe Spanish. Maybe they’re actually doing really, really well considering the language barrier?

Anyway that’s all for now I’m gonna go pass out and hopefully when I wake up it’ll be next week when it is no longer hot. If you just got here, this is a link to read these caps from the beginning!

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[humanmoodring-retired]

Possession is Nine-Tenths || Solo

Or nine times Nadia Diaz wished she knew what was going on, and one time she wished she didn’t.

Six years is a very long time to lose yourself. Nadia could safely say that she’d begun to lose herself awhile before that. It started with a few blackouts here and there, some that she knew she caused, some that she didn’t. Waking up with headaches and cotton mouth and lapses in memory became normal, especially when Brooke moved out (she hoped that Brooke only moved out. She couldn’t-- Nadia couldn’t handle if it was anything else). Really, she thought she was just depressed. Devastated at the absence of the one person in the world that she thought really knew her and desperate to feel something that wasn’t her own tumultuous emotions, even if she didn’t realize what was going on at the time. Of course she knew something was wrong with her, but she couldn’t have imagined possession.

One-Tenth

The first time she was aware that whatever was going on with her was much more serious than she originally thought was when she came back to herself in the middle of a conversation.

“--ust was a bit worried about you, kid. You seem like a different person,” Dr. Burke, her junior year Shakespeare professor, was saying, his hand on her shoulder and a concerned look in his eyes.

“I--” Nadia shook her head a bit, as if it’d make her remember what was going on. It didn’t. “What?”

Dr. Burke’s frown got deeper. “Nadia. Are you alright?”

No, she didn’t think she was. She needed to leave. “I’m fine,” she mumbled, shrugging his hand away. “I’ll see you Tuesday.”

She didn’t.

Two-Tenths

Nadia’s apartment in Arizona was too quiet, always too quiet. She’d had trouble sleeping in it, rarely did. She was growing to rely on the comfort of other people to help her sleep. It had been over a week, at least, that she could remember, since the last time she’d slept in her bed.

She woke up in her bed, still fully dressed, the stereo on in the living room. Her head was pounding, and she felt hollow, no, hungry. It was hunger. She needed to eat. She rolled out of bed and began to make her way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any food in there, but maybe she left her phone on the counter and could order something. She tripped, spilling open a bag of money.

Why did she have a bag of money in her room?

She looked at the bag, her backpack, and her breathing began to grow erratic. There were thousands upon thousands of dollars in there. Nadia had never seen that much money in her life. Somehow she’d-- She vaguely remembered a late night, a house, a safe. She couldn’t shake the images out of her head, and everytime she hoped the bag would disappear, it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t, and it just stayed there, in the middle of her bedroom.

That’s where Nadia stayed, too. She forgot to order dinner. She felt like someone was in the room with her.

Three-Tenths

Nadia wasn’t aware of how she ended up in her bathroom. She didn’t remember walking into her bathroom, she wasn’t wearing the same clothes she remembered putting on that morning. Was it the same morning? She couldn’t tell. She didn’t know. God, her head hurt.

She looked down at her hands, which were nothing more than tanned, red blurs. Red? Was she bleeding? She brought them up to her face, and her stomach dropped. Her hands were covered in blood, and she wasn’t bleeding.

Where had the blood come from? What had she done? What had she done?

Her head looked up without her moving it. That was the strangest sensation she ever felt, her body moving without her making it. It was also the most terrifying. She stared at herself, horror in her eyes.The blood wasn’t hers. It wasn’t her blood.

Nadia wasn’t in pain, so why was she hurting?

Her lips smiled, and then there was nothing.

Four-Tenths

It was pain that brought Nadia back. It was always pain that brought her back. Her hand went to cover the spot below her ribs, below her heart, that felt like it had been ripped into. Maybe it had. She was bleeding, there was a hole in her skin, something was in it. Was she shot? How did she get shot?

Someone was talking to her, the words incomprehensible in her ears. She reached out to the sound and the blurry figure that she assumed accompanied it.

She was dying. How funny that she couldn’t remember where she was or what day it was, but she was going to remember dying.

Someone put their hands under her arms, pulling her away. Nadia cried out in pain.

She just cried.

Five-Tenths

Nadia didn’t remember being shot, but she did remember being exorcised, feeling a soul detangle itself from her own and be separated, but not fully. She didn’t feel like it was fully gone, even when she looked up and saw something, someone, looming over her violently. She was dying. She was dying. She wouldn’t survive this.

She wondered what would have happened if those kids had decided not to help her. Of course, it wasn’t out of kindness; they wanted money and reputation. Nothing sounded better than exorcising a ghost that had inhabited the body of some girl for years.

It took her a few weeks to really comprehend that.

She survived, of course, but some nights she would wake up and still feel a pain that existed on a cellular level. She curled up into a ball and cried. She screamed. She destroyed the apartment of an imposter, broke down again and again and again until she couldn’t anymore. There was nothing more to break. Then there was the beauty of a body that no longer felt like her own, that was fighting to get back to someone else while she slept. So, Nadia decided not to sleep.

That didn’t matter, in the end. Being possessed in her sleep should have been the least of her worries, especially when she ended up letting herself get possessed willingly.

Six-Tenths

When Regan came to her apartment after the night of her repossession, Nadia was aware, even if she couldn’t speak or move or think for herself. She remembered the words that were exchanged, how Regan had said that at least she wasn’t a criminal. That one hurt, especially since she couldn’t even say that.

She had felt murderous the entire time she looked at Regan, the ghost’s emotions mixing with her own in such an awful way that she had to force herself to differentiate them. She wouldn’t kill her friend. She wouldn’t kill her friend. She couldn’t kill her friend.

Maybe, if she kept telling herself that, she wouldn’t.

She tried to scream, tried to push Regan away as her friend trusted an imposter, but it didn’t work. She couldn’t fight enough to free herself. She was a prisoner inside her own mind, and she hated it.

Seven-Tenths

Seeing Luce felt a bit like a dream. When the spellcaster had been hurt, Nadia was only able to take control enough to make sure she got the help she needed. She had to. She had to. She had been so tired, and she couldn’t really pay attention to the conversation, but she’d managed to make sure that Luce got something that could heal her. That was all that mattered, in the end.

She saw flashes of them in the cemetery, in her apartment, in her bed. That could have been a dream. She’d thought it was a dream. She was trapped inside her head, after all. Most things weren’t real, just dreams or nightmares. It made her feel calm, though. Warm. Luce always made her feel warm. She blamed it one the body heat, that was all. That was all Luce wanted, and that was all it was supposed to be.

Waking up had been a bit of a panic, though, and she’d felt her heart rate increasing before she stumbled out of the bed. The ghost felt like a sleeping dragon; she knew she was there, but, like her, the ghost had relaxed to the point of letting her control drop.

The sound of Luce’s voice shocked her so much that she lost her control again. It had been a nice dream while it lasted.

Eight-Tenths

Why was it always pain that woke her up?

Nadia was in an unfamiliar house, in pain, sharing the room with someone she couldn’t feel. Her eyes snapped open and she stared at them, sitting in the corner of the room. “Where-- I-- Hhngh…” She groaned and curled in on herself. No, that didn’t help. That didn’t help at all.

The person in the room sounded stressed, asking if she was alright or if she needed anything. She groaned again, her brain already going fuzzy.

The pain didn’t keep her awake for long, and Nadia blacked out again.

Nine-Tenths

This wasn’t a dream, this was a nightmare. Somehow, during the entire interaction with Luce at the tattoo parlor, Nadia was aware of what was going on, and she couldn’t do anything. Why couldn’t she make this stop?

Please don’t listen to her. Please don’t try to help me. Please help me. Please give up. Nadia was at war with herself, at war with the person in her mind. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t even tell Luce that she was there, even when she was screaming it. She was trying to scream.

Fuck, she couldn’t even make a sound.

She felt herself walk out the door and felt three sets of emotions as she did. She couldn’t look back. She didn’t think she wanted to.

One.

Nadia woke up in her apartment, Rhiannon meowing loudly and licking her fingers. She remembered the cabin, the bear trap, Kaden and Regan and-- Oh, God. She groaned and jerked, leaning over and puking on the floor. It was fine. As she looked around, the entire place was trashed, anyway. A bag was packed next to the door. She still felt sick.

She’d almost killed two people. She was going to kill two people. Nadia sat up, put her head in her hands, and cried. Two of the most important people in her life, two people that she trusted with her life, and she’d almost taken theirs. She could see Kaden as she stabbed him, the hurt and betrayal and, in the end, whose emotions did she even feel? She couldn’t differentiate. They all hurt.

The iron had hurt. She hadn’t expected that, the pain to her psyche as she felt like she was being torn in two. She could only imagine how the ghost felt, her spirit restless and attempting to take over again even as Nadia stumbled them through the apartment. Rhiannon followed her, apparently recognizing her actual owner as the cat weaved her way through Nadia’s legs. The leg that had been caught in a bear trap didn’t even hurt anymore. She wished it did.

She couldn’t keep doing this. The more Nadia fought, the worse things were for everyone around her. She just-- If she kept doing this, someone was really going to get hurt, and she couldn’t. She couldn’t. She couldn’t.

Nadia went to Rhiannon’s bowl and put some food down. At least the ghost had been feeding her cat. She’d have to get someone to check on her. Not Regan. She couldn’t-- No. She couldn’t face Regan ever again.

With a shuddering breath, Nadia gave her cat one last goodbye, ignoring the way she meowed after her. She’d get someone to take care of her. Nadia went to the door and shouldered the bag.

It was Nadia Diaz that opened the door.

It was someone else that left the apartment.

[yanderedbh-moved]

In this scenario, you’ve become fed up with your life as the yandere’s glorified captive. Deciding you can’t take another day of this, you attempt to just get up and walk out. Much to your dissatisfaction, though, you are stopped at the door by the yandere. After a heated confrontation, you make a split-second decision to just try and force your way past them. However, in a blind panic, the yandere grabs you and throws you with full force away from the door, accidentally throwing you up against the wall. The unexpected strength of the attack was faster than your reflexes. After your head collided against the wall, you were unable to catch yourself before landing on your back. Knocking the wind out of your lungs, leaving you stunned and practically immobile.

Connor

For a brief moment here, Connor might unintentionally have a bit of a "blackout" moment. On account of all the stress and peril of his current situation, Connor loses full control over himself and his instincts as a hardened police Android take over. Resulting in Connor reacting with such force.

After he's apologized to you and after you've allowed him to scan and assess any possible damage caused, he will do his best to explain the cause of this outburst. Partly for your own sake of understanding and partly so you won't blame him later.

Though he might not want to do this, Connor can't help but notice how he has your full attention and that you undeniably view him as a threat he will use fear to get his point across towards you. He'll explain that he's powerless to stop this shift in his own behavior, and it'd be in your best interest not to test him again if you don't want this to happen.

Markus

He knows there's no way to prevent himself from feeling guilty over what he's done; he must admit to himself this choice was made with the both of your well-being in mind. Although this hurt, it really was a necessary evil.

Before he does anything, Markus will allow the silence and fear to fully set in for you to really learn your lesson here before he even does anything. After this, he will give you a choice. Apologize for leaving and swear you'll never do this again and he'll help you out here, or you can try your little escape again and see where that leads you.

After everything, though, you know there's no way you physically have the strength left and you to try and run again. With no choice but to admit defeat, you let Markus carry you back to the bed where you'll have an awfully long time to think about what you've done.

Kara

Before now, Kara always saw herself as a protective figure to you; it just didn't make any sense to her why you would try to run from her. What made even less sense to her, however, was how could she let herself bring you harm after she promised so long ago to do nothing but love and protect you.

To make up for doing this to you, Kara swears to look after you with the utmost attention while your injuries repair themselves. No matter how minor any of those injuries might be to her, this is her fault, and she must atone for this.

Kara might really beat herself up over this because, on the one hand, she really does feel guilty over doing this to you. However, this might also be a slight manipulation tactic to convince you to forgive her over all of this.

Hank

He's barely even able to fully process what has happened before he's a cursing mess. Not exactly hard to understand why it would cause Hank so much stress to see he directly caused someone he loves so much physical pain. As he's likely become so smothering over you to cope with the way he blames himself for Cole's death. So even a rather minor incident like this has his stress levels at a maximum.

He'll start swearing before doing his best to quickly bend down and get beside you. (As swiftly as he can though unfortunately his knees just aren't what they used to be.) As a lieutenant, he has at least the vaguest of medical knowledge to check to see if you have any significant damage on the back of your head or on your neck.

For a long time, he wouldn't know what to do other than to just hold you in his arms and whispering in your ear to you over and over how sorry he is. Needless to say, this stuck with him, and he actually is more hesitant to strike out in the future or to even so much as raise his voice.

Luther

To say he was regretful was an understatement. Honestly, there were no words to describe the shame and regret he felt as he watched your body slumped to the floor, and the way your eyes wide nearly tearing with fear stared up at him. No doubt, fearing that he was about to strike at you again.

It was nothing short of heart-wrenching to watch as all his efforts to convince you he was more than the attack dog he was programmed as were crushed with one regrettable outburst. Unable to stop himself, Luther would fall on his knees at your side, pulling you into his arms, careful not to bring any further strain to your harmed body as he wept and apologized.

Simon

It's difficult for Simon to decide what to do here, and seeing the way you're too afraid to move as you look up at him isn't helping. However, considering there's no way you're planning to try and escape from him for the rest of the night, Simon would likely take off to be on his own for a little while.

Simon knows he's a strong guy. However, he knows he's not exactly the toughest around, and any injuries you suffered by his hands will likely need no more than a night to recover from. That's isolation is best for you both.

It wouldn't be until much later into the night when you think you're all alone in bed that you would feel him crawl up beside you. Only after a long time alone to think about his actions, would you get a proper apology. Even here, though, Simon wouldn't waste his breath and promising not to do this again.

North

Like many yanderes here, it's genuinely tough for North deal with what she's done or by extension to fully comprehend the pain she's caused. Because of that North will try to cover the feelings of guilt and shame with anger.

She'll say things like, "See what you've done! I warned you not to get in my way or to leave me and look at what you've done! How could you do this to us? You must really hate me, even after everything I've done for you!"

Make no mistake though these words of harshness of hers are nothing more than a front North is putting on. There is no one here she's more angry with then herself no matter what she might say. The one thing which would eventually break through to her though it would be the site of you curled up on the floor at her feet and pain.

Josh

He was angry at you before for trying to leave him like this but, once he fully realizes what he's done, there is no one Josh is more upset with that himself. Josh wanted to show you there was no reason to fear or hate him, but what did he do instead? Nothing but prove your fears to be true.

Despite the intensity of his own emotions at the moment, Josh wouldn't immediately rush to your side. He knows you're already afraid in the last thing Josh wants is to further scare you or stress you out.

All he wants to do right now is hold his beloved as he brushes away your tears and rocks you gently to calm you down enough to stop crying and to stop fighting his affections.

Kamski

Despite the situation, there's a chance Kamski might feel a touch of pride in reducing you to such a pitiful fearful, and helpless state. Kamski might fancy himself in intellectual over a fighter any day, but he loves to see your reactions of all kinds. No matter the emotion, he can't get enough.

Because of this, Elijah can't help but chuckle and taunt you here. "My love, you really ought to know better than to try and test me like this, have you really learned so little about me?"

He would leave it up to you to get up by yourself, heal up, and decide where to go from here. After all, if there's anything Kamski finds more interesting than how you react to stimulus, it's watching how you'll decide to counter this and grow. It's all so fascinating, and he can't wait to watch more from you in the future.

Chloe

To be completely honest, it's tough for Chloe to even understand how she managed to get in this position in the first place; however, but she knows this is all just a big mistake. Just some freak accident, and the sooner you can understand that as well the better.

Even though she wants to make sure you aren't hurt too badly, the shock of realizing she's why you're in so much pain has Chloe immobile with fear, and she's paralyzed with shock for a few moments.

Entirely beside herself, Chloe is all but bawling her eyes out at she's hugging you as tight as she can, exclaiming again and again how sorry she is. As well she begs you for forgiveness chillingly, also asking you never to make her have to do something like that again... Because she can and will at the end of the day do this if it means keeping you by her side forever.

Gavin

Despite his initial shock over the whole ordeal, Gavin may have a rough temperament. Still, he really didn't mean to do this and is just as surprised as you at the fallout. He would be sure to try and hide his alarm and would try to use his own anger to cover what he's done.

Completely out of his element here when it comes to assessing your injuries even though there's a chance you're concussed, he will drag you back to the house to check your injuries.

Even though he wouldn't say sorry to your face or anything like that, you can tell that deep down, he wishes it didn't have to be this way, and he might even try harder to be more careful in the future.

Zlatko

"You're going to have to be smarter than that if you want to escape me, my sweet." Yeah, don't tell me you thought Zlatko would feel sorry or apologize to you after what he's done. Unfortunately, that's not precisely Zlatko's style. He never used pet names with you and only would really break them out if he was trying to scare you or get under your skin. And now that you're lying helplessly At his feet, your mind can't help but race as you tremble thinking of all the possible ways this man could hurt you punish you for running.

In his mind, this is nothing short of a valuable learning opportunity for you, after all, what fun would you be to keep around if you are a dull, predictable pet. Zlatko has androids he can use, which were programmed to do that for him. What he wants from you is something more interesting.

Ralph

Since the shock of everything caused the wind to knock from your lungs and you to see stars for a moment, you're actually unable to move. In that time, Ralph's is horrified, wondering if he's actually accidentally killed you.

Ralph would never be able to forgive himself if this were to actually happen, so without missing a beat, he's hands and knees over you begging to wake up and answer him.

Eventually, when you do come to your senses, and you're afraid of him on a whole new level, unsure if you'll ever be able to predict his next mood swing.

Daniel

Oh boy, the unfortunate overwhelmed android. He thought things were going wrong when you tried to leave, but now that he's done this to you, things are looking all the bleaker for the two of you.

Before now, Daniel felt scared and full of awful impulses, but he knew he could count on you to help him calm down in times of anxiety and not do something stupid. But now that you were the one responsible for these feelings. How could he ever hope to keep his emotions under control? It was a lost battle, to say the least.

A part of him couldn't help but feel genuinely angry with you, though. After all, you knew better than anyone how Daniel had such awful memories of being replaced and abandoned. However, still, you did this to him.

Nines

A far cry from the more smothering types of yanderes Nines isn't afraid to show you who's really in charge here; however, just because he's hard on you doesn't mean he's doing this because he wants to see you suffer. Nines might say he's testing you like this as a way to make you stronger like he's helping you here.

Nines wasn't surprised to see he was physically strong enough to do something like this to you. What did alarm him is how he struck out and hurt you at all, considering how he usually has much better control over himself and isn't so prone to outbursts like this.

Nines realizes fairly quickly the notion of you walking out on him or by extension, ever losing you in general causes him great fear and weakness. Something he doesn't want you to see. Nines wouldn't apologize or express how he hates to see you in pain; instead, he would warn you not to test him again and to leave you alone for the rest of the night.

[versdan]

Unearthed Pt. 2 (Carol Danvers x Reader)

request: Can I request for a Carol x Reader where reader has been keeping something all her life (past traumatic? experience) until one day the avengers are on a mission then something triggered her?? Sorry it’s kinda dark hehe. Thank you!

A/N: and here’s part two!!! I’m so glad that part one was so well received and I’m hoping this part will be as well! pls don’t let this flop ! I hope you guys enjoy + sorry for any typos! Requests are open!

pairings: Carol Danvers x Reader

warnings!: mentions of abuse! Please read at your own risk!

part one

————

Once you and Carol arrived back to the jet, she had placed you down in a seat, in a far corner from the entrance of the quinjet so you two would have some privacy.

You had been shaking and you couldn’t control it. Carol sat next to you, cradling you into her side, whispering sweet things into your ears to help you calm down.

After a while, you had calmed down still tucked into Carols side. She placed a kiss ontop of your hair. “Do you want to talk about it?” Carol said, looking down at you as you nodded your head slowly.

“Whenever you’re ready, take your time” she said as you sat up a bit so you could look at her. You gave her a small smile before taking a deep breath.

“When I was growing up, my mother left me and my father for a ‘better life’ as she would describe it as” you laughed slightly

“Little did she know is that while she was having a “better life”, my life turned to shit. My father started drinking heavily to the point he’d be blackout drunk in some nights. I would never see him sober ever since” you paused, taking a breath. Carol placed her hand ontop of yours, squeezing it in reassurance to continue.

“He would beat me whenever he was drunk. Tell me I’d amount to nothing like my mother, I’d be a deadbeat just like her as well. He would call me pathetic and belittle me everyday, Carol” you said, looking into her eyes, a tear falling down your face.

“I wouldn’t want to come home after school. My goal was to get out of that place as quick as I could. I worked my ass off in school and at work to raise enough to leave. Get as far away as possible. And I did just that” you smiled softly at the bliss memory of leaving your home that you had been waiting for since young.

“When the guard was ontop of me, he was talking to me the same way my father would everyday of my life. It put me in this trance like I was helpless. I was that small girl he would tell me I am, that pathetic person that wouldn’t be anything again” you sobbed out, tears falling down your face more.

Carol pulled you in for a hug while your cried on her shoulder. She rubbed small circles on your back and whispered soothing things into your ear.

“It’s all over now, (Y/N). He won’t hurt you and I’ll make sure of that” she said into your ear before kissing your temple.

You leaned back into a sitting up position, wiping your eyes. “Um, he actually contacted me the other day” you started, nervous to see Carol’s reaction after you told her the news.

“About what?” Carol said, a bit defensively. After hearing what he did to you when growing up, she wanted to protect you from him at all costs.

“He wanted to meet up with me and talk, per say. I know it’s a stretch but I think seeing him will finally get this burden off of me that I’m stronger then he thought me out to be and-“ you got cut off by Carol

“I don’t want you seeing him, (Y/N)” Carol said. You looked at her in shock. You knew her answer wouldn’t be all rainbows and sparkles but you were taken aback.

“And why not?” You said, looking at her fully

“After what happened on the mission, you aren’t in any condition to see him. I’m sorry (Y/N), I know what this would mean to you but I want you safe. I don’t want to see you in this kind of state again, it scares me” she said, grabbing your hand.

You sighed. She was right. She’s always right and that sucks in an argument. “Okay, you’re right” you sighed, leaning your head on her shoulder

“How about we both think about it and then come to an agreement about the meeting, how’s that sound?” You said, looking up at her. Carol looked down at you before nodding.

“I will. For you. I don’t want to lose you. I love you too much” she said, placing a kiss on your forehead. You smiled before placing a kiss on her jawline.

“I love you too”

—

A few weeks later, you had thought about your decision to meet up with your father. Going up to Carol, who was sat in the kitchen, feeling nervous to know what she had thought about on her part.

“I’ve thought about it and I think I’m gonna go, Carol” you said, standing next to her as she read was reading a file for the next mission. She looked up at you, turning her body towards you.

“I’ve thought about it too and if you think it’s the right decision, then you should go. I support you one hundred and ten percent” she smiled, grabbing your hands.

You smiled at her before sitting down in the seat next to her. “I want you to come with me” you blurted out. Not only do you think this would help Carol feel at ease that you were safe but you also wanted to prove to your father that you are someone who can love and do great things in your life.

Carol looked at you before nodding. “Of course I’ll go. Always” she smiled at you. You smiled widely at her before placing a kiss on her cheek and walking out of the kitchen to email your father back about when you guys would meet.

———

Two days later, you sat in a local cafe your father said would be a good place to meet up. Carol sat next to you, calmly sipping on her tea while you were a jittering mess. Your leg was bouncing up and down and you kept looking up at the door every time someone would come in. Carol placed her hand softly on your knee which caused your leg to stop bouncing.

“Sorry, Carol. I’m just nervous. Do you think he decided to bail?” You said, checking the clock as it was almost 10 past the meeting the time.

Carol frowned, grabbing your hand under the table. “I don’t think he would if he were the one who wanted to meet” she said, squeezing your hand for reassurance. You smiled softly at her.

“Thanks for coming again. I wouldn’t be able to calm down if you weren’t here” you chuckled, looking at her

“Anytime, babe. Gotta make sure my girl is safe. Also, I’m kind of here to maybe say some things of my own” she winked, taking another drink from her tea as you chuckled at her comment.

“(Y/N)?” You heard a voice say. You turned to see your father standing at the other side of the table. Your smile dropped from your face as you looked at his figure.

He didn’t seem to have changed since you last saw him. You didn’t know what to say besides a small “hi”. He stood there awkwardly before you motioned him to sit and muttering a small ‘sorry’.

You felt Carol squeeze your hand under the table. You looked at her before turning back to your father and breathing out a breath you had been holding in.

“It’s been a while” your dad said, before an awkward silence landed between the three of you. A waitress had come around and asked for drink orders and your dad ordered a coffee.

“I’m Carol, (Y/N)’s girlfriend” Carol said, trying to start up a conversation between you both. He shook her hand, smiling softly but you saw behind that smile. You looked down at the table, unable to think of what to say.

The waitress brought your dad his coffee and when she walked away, he pulled out a flask and poured what seemed to be brandy into the cup.

“Looks like you didn’t quit that habit” you said, looking from his cup up to him, seeing him frown after that comment.

“I’m trying. It’s a hard road but I’ll get there eventually” he shrugged, taking a sip.

You sighed, losing patience in this meetup. You were thinking that he’d make amends but it doesn’t seem that he is trying to do anything but sit here and be quiet.

“What did you want to meet me for?” You asked the question that you didn’t mean for it to come out with a sharp tone, but you didn’t want to sit here and waste anyone’s time, especially Carol’s

“Just wanted to see if you were still the same useless person you were” he said, smiling towards you before taking another drink from his coffee.

You scoffed, leaning back in your seat, crossing your arms over your chest. “Oh really? Well I’m glad to see you’re still the same alcoholic douchebag I grew up with” you fired back.

You saw Carol tense up at the comment, her hand placed ontop of your thigh, trying to calm you down but your anger only started to boil.

“That’s no way to talk to your father, your own blood” he said, placing his coffee cup down and pointing a finger at you.

“My own father? You’re serious right now” you couldn’t help but laugh. “You were anything but a father to me. You do not get the privilege to call yourself that at all” you said in a hushed yet angry tone.

He put his hand down on the table with a loud noise that made you flinch a bit. Carol placed her hand on the table, and it was in a fist that started to slightly glow. You looked at her sideways, nodding her head no so she can calm down. The glow around her fist went away but her straight face didn’t.

“If anything, I gave you a roof over your head and a place to stay. I tried to turn you around and you still turned out to be just as pathetic and weak as your mother. You think she loves you?” Your father paused, motioning to Carol. “She’s only with you for pity and everyone knows that. Face the facts kid, you’ll never be loved nor know what love is” he said, leaning back into his chair.

You felt a tear slip down you cheek that you wiped away before your father could see. You looked at him with a straight face.

“You know what, you’re right. You tried to turn me into someone who I didn’t want to be. Into someone that would be like you, the real pathetic lowlife. Also, don’t try and lecture me about what love is because you’re the reason why mom left us. I know how to love more than you ever had and I know that Carol won’t leave me because that’s what love is” you said, feeling a slight feeling of bliss that you finally were able to get those words off your chest.

Your fathers face turned red with anger mixed with embarrassment. He raised a hand to hit you and before he could swing, Carol caught his hand and slamming it down on the table that he let out a gasp from the pain. He looked up at her as she nodded her head ‘no’ and letting go of his wrist.

“We’re done here” you said, standing up and grabbing your bag from the floor. Your father scoffed, still rubbing his wrist.

“You’re still naive, kid! Don’t act so grown up all of a sudden! You’re just like your mother!” You heard him say from behind you before you heard a blast at the table.

You turn around to see Carol standing at the table, her fist aimed at his cup which was now shattered and on the floor through the hole that Carol’s blast had done. You walked back up next to her, seeing the fear on your fathers face, looking between you and Carol.

“Go to hell” you said, grabbing Carol’s hand and walking out quickly from the restaurant. Walking to the corner of the block, you pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around you.

“Thank you” you said, pulling away to look at her in the eyes. She smiled down at you before pecking your lips.

“Anything for you, babe. It took some strength to not blast him into the wall” she said, pulling you back in for an embrace as you laughed.

“I wouldn’t have minded it” you said into her shoulder.

“I love you, (Y/N)” she said, pulling away from the embrace fully to crash her lips onto yours. You melted into the kiss, hands coming up to cups her cheeks. You pulled away and smiled.

“I love you too Carol. More than words” you said, pecking her lips again before she grabbed your hand, swinging them as you walked.

“Let’s go on home” she said, as you both walked to your apartment. You finally found your true home and that was Carol.

————

feedback is appreciated!

all I have to say is...and that’s on periodt. !!!

taglist: @aesthetiff :-)

[neko-hd]

I don’t know what Okay is anymore

I am at a point in my life where saying that I am lost is almost an insult to how truly confused I am about everything. A year ago, I was perfectly content with the mundane life I had sought out. No drama, no bullshit, just me on my own in a new place with a job I enjoyed most days and some great friends. A year ago however, I was pretending to be fine when in reality there was so much more I had to deal with than I could ever imagine. Since I was about 18, there had been these voices in my head that I had just assumed were my conscious, one was distinctly different than my own voice, much older, wiser, probably about a 40 year old man. He was always trying to protect me I think, he knew things to do when I was freaking out. Sometimes when I was in situation where the pain was too much, I always felt like I disconnected from reality, like I was in the situation but I wasn’t. I felt nothing but I knew what was happening. Then there was this other voice, it sounded like mine but I always knew it was female, probably a little younger than me, I am 22, and it liked to get me in trouble. It would tell me to cut myself, that I needed to kill myself, that I should put myself in these very dangerous situations because I needed to get hurt. This voice has convinced me to do some bad things. It convinced me to cheat on my girlfriend with a man although I am a straight male. It told me that I wasn’t mad enough and I needed to know how it felt to be taken by a real man. It wasn’t the first time the voice had told me to do that. About once a year it would, when my confidence as a man was low, it’d tell me that I might not like it but you were made to be fucked by men because you’re supposed to be a female, if I don’t get fucked by men how can I pretend to know what being a man feels like. I never really felt in control so I would be in these situations and left crying and regretful, not fully understanding why I had to go through it. Why was it constantly doing something I hated? Why was I intentionally ruining good situations in my life? It wasn’t until this year that I dissociated and tried killing myself.  In all honesty it wasn’t the first time but I don’t tell most people that. I was afraid to admit I wasn’t always in control of my own body, that maybe something was wrong mentally. It’s crazy to have to explain how I am basically covering for the actions I don’t remember doing but I know they happened but my body did it. That sounds crazy right? I had a blackout yesterday and I was driving and right before I came back to being myself, a voice told me that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I don’t know how to deal with it but I think in the next coming days I will have to face the fact that I may not be the only personality in my own body or, at the very least, that I hear voices in my head and they have major influence over my decisions. I am typing this here because I feel that I need a place to truly tell how I’m feeling. It’s hard to talk about it and most people, even if they don’t realize it, just say things that will benefit them. I’m exhausted from having to appease every person in my life who wants to help me when I am just trying to help myself. I’ve hurt a lot of people because I’ve ignored my own mental health. My best friend, who became my girlfriend now hates me because of this. She has a protective order against me even though I have never once been physically aggressive towards her. She’s just scared of me. And it hurts because I love her still to this day. I yelled at her once and only once. I thought she was lying to me so I yelled at her to stop lying to me. I am not a yeller but in moments when I am very angry, I black out for a few moments and a voice that doesn’t sound like mine explodes. I broke into tears apologizing but I could tell it mortified her. I feel like a monster with no control. I feel like I just hurt people, not physically but emotionally. I’ll be good for a while but something will happen and people don’t know how to handle it right. It’s not there fault but nobody listens when I say I need to leave because it’s not a good time. They just make me feel bad about wanting to leave and then I lose control and then they get mad or scared because of it. I wish people would learn that when I say I need a moment, it’s not because i’m running away, but because I’m trying to stay in control of my own mind, I need a moment to stay fully me. Vice versa, I wish if I was currently not myself, If someone else was behind the wheel of my mind, that people wouldn’t treat them with no respect because they think they’re mad at me. When that girl is in control, if that’s actually what happens, she gets scared by men. Men usually get loud when they’re insulted or frustrated and it doesn’t help. Sometimes I’ll apologize nonstop like i’m a child. I just want peace, maybe i’m ignorant and selfish but this way of life right now is scary and I don’t like it. I just want to go home but i;m not allowed to. Everyone is saying I’m too unstable but I don’t feel unstable all the time. Only when I’m triggered and I get triggered when I’m around a bunch of loud, yelling people. On the other hand, my ex is terrified of living in the same city as me so I feel like if I go home, even if I never see her again, I’ll be ruining her life by just existing. I feel depressed because i’m home sick but i’m called selfish If I want to leave. I keep getting told i’m running away. I keep getting told I wasn’t happy there, But I almost feel brainwashed sometimes into thinking I was unhappy. it sucks, everything right now sucks, I have a lot more to say.

[salmonthestoryteller]

All About Isobel

I’ll admit Isobel is my fav character.  I honestly didn’t expect that to happen.  She definitely wasn’t among my fav in the OG series, nor at the start of the book series. (Though, like RNM the book series version seems to be winning me over.)  Somewhere along the line, though, I was like - yah, nope, everybody else move a slot down, Isobel is claiming my top character spot.

If there’s one thing I love about Isobel it is how important Max and Michael are to her.  It seems to be why some people hate her.  To me, though, it’s one of the reasons I adore her character.  These are her brothers and if you hurt them she will end you.  The world can freakin’ burn, she is going to protect these two with all she has in her.

It isn’t surprising either, and I want to back up and look at her backstory first, especially with everything we learned in the last two episodes of the season.  So, yes, considering her plot involving both the Drifter and Noah, fair warning that some of the content may be triggering.

So there is at least two instances where Isobel is able to call out to Michael, one shared with Max, while completely unconscious.  We know Max and Isobel have their twin connection which Max describes as a “warm presence” with him all the time.  But the fact that she called to Michael twice shows that at some level she has to be telepathically connected to him as well.

They emerge from the pods at age seven, and are found by the highway.  From there they end up in a group home. Now, to my understanding a group home is not a foster family.  It is the modern day equivalent to an orphanage, with several adults looking after a group of children.  From there they are adopted by the Evans almost right away.  They still aren’t even speaking yet when they go with them. Max and their mother discuss the fact that it took them months to talk. And that when they did, they did so immediately with no trouble.  As if they’d been waiting to learn the whole language before speaking.

Michael, as we know, is left behind and doesn’t return to their lives until they are eleven.  However, Isobel probably could sense that he was missing the whole time.  She couldn’t say who was missing, because they hadn’t had words or names when they were separated.  She couldn’t say “Michael is missing” - she just knew someone was.  This is probably where Isobel’s fear of losing those she cares about first stems from.  An experience she couldn’t even fully explain at the time.

I have no doubt that when they found each other again at eleven, it was one of the best days of their lives to Isobel.  Because, to her, Michael is her brother. There’s no ifs in that to Isobel.  Michael says they aren’t family, Max tells Michael he isn’t his family in a moment of anger, but to Isobel the fact that Michael is her brother is indisputable. It’s plain fact.  It’s there in the way she treats him, in how she is willing to rely on him and trust him, and even how she speaks.  Not even the big statements like, “We’re a family.”  In small ways like how she refers to Max in 1x03 as “Our brother.”

Fast forward a few years.  (In 1x06 I thought it was their thirteenth birthday as it was 2004 and they are said to be 17 in 2008, but in 1x12 Max says Isobel was fourteen so I guess if their “birthday” was summer it's three years later?)  It seems like - compared to Max - Michael protected Isobel much more from the abuse he was suffering.  It doesn’t seem as if she has an understanding of just how bad things were.  The look on her face when he tells her the story of always going to Foster Homestead Ranch and his reasons why are further proof.  Isobel knew he wasn’t as lucky as them, but she was at a loss at how bad he truly had it.  How alone he truly felt.  Which I think was on purpose on Michael’s part.  It’s also why she’s probably closer to their mother than Max was.  She doesn’t seem to harbor the same resentment to their parents that Max felt for them not taking Michael in.  I think she’s closer to Ann because when she thinks she’s dying she tells Max, “We should call Mom.”  Not their parents. “Mom.”

However, Ann still says they both kept her at arms length to Max.  That they, not him but they, didn’t let her be a mom.  I don’t think this was true as much when they were younger.  I’m guessing the separation for Isobel and Ann occured when Isobel hit puberty.  Because - think about this for a moment - Isobel is an alien.  She knows this.  She knows she has powers others don’t.  That her biology isn’t quite the same. (Acetone, hello.)  And she had to go through puberty with not only no grown woman to talk to it about, but not even another girl her own age.  She couldn’t ask her mom if certain things happening were normal or not - because there was no way of knowing what was alien “normal.”  And if it turned out it wasn't human normal, and she brought it up she risked exposing them. Puberty is a pretty sucky thing already, and Isobel probably felt twice as isolated during it because she just damn didn’t know what was or wasn’t normal for their species.  In that Max and Michael at least had each other.  I doubt Isobel felt comfortable talking to her brothers about periods, cramps, etc.

And in the middle of this whole very isolating confusing time for her comes the Drifter.  It’s pretty clear what his intentions were when he grabbed her, though it is not made clear how far he got.  Isobel is still clothed, so I don’t think he raped her, but I have no doubt he touched her before Max and Michael got here.  And remember something else - Isobel is a telepath.  A telepath who they already knew could make others do things.  If she at all tried to touch the Drifter’s mind there’s no saying what was said in Mindspace to her.

Worse, this is when her telepathic scream brings her to Noah’s attention. Between the Drifter’s attack and witnessing Max kill him, Isobel shuts down.  The trauma is too much for her to handle, and she retreats inside her mind.  Noah takes the opportunity to connect to her that night, and he never lets go of that connection until his death.  Max said that she continued to have black outs after the attack, and Noah mentions how that allowed him to see through her eyes.  How soon he was able to start to use her body to move around is unclear.  And we are also unclear on what all influences Noah had on her otherwise.

Noah speaks of their connection several times.  We know he can control her actions when she is unconscious or withdrawn into her mind, but how deep did that connection run?  Max is concerned about Liz’s ability to consent when his mark is on her.  Noah has had his mind connected to Isobel’s since she was fourteen.  We cannot say how much that affected her - if she ever had complete autonomy after that night or if a part of her was always affected by Noah’s feelings and desires.

However, one thing is very much true - and that���s that after that night Isobel didn’t trust anyone who wasn’t Max or Michael for years.  There was never a time when the people around her weren’t listed as “potentially dangerous”.  We see that in how she reacts to everything, both in her teen years and even as an adult.  She kept everyone else at arms length.  Through barbs; through a mask of perfection.  The reason Isobel didn’t care about using her powers as a teen?

Because as long as other people were doing what she wanted she was safe.

This is someone who never feels safe.  Hasn’t been able to regain that feeling since that night in the desert.  The only place she felt remotely at ease was around Max and MIchael.  Isobel is clearly supposed to be the Queen Bee in high school, yet she goes to prom with her brothers.  Why?  Because Isobel didn't trust anyone else.  It’s why she kept withdrawing into herself and having blackouts as graduation approached.  If Max and Michael left - how was she ever going to feel safe? She had devoted her life to her brothers, because she knew she could trust them.  They would protect her, no matter what.  They’d already proven it.  Everybody else was suspect.

Only now her brother were becoming suspect.  If they were going to leave her to fend for herself, what did she have left? It’s clear from her lash out, “What am I supposed to do?” that Isobel had no plans right then for her future.  She doesn’t know what she’s going to do once Michael and Max leave - she never once mentions college herself.  And, actually, it seems her brothers have no idea either.  During the argument all Max says is “Live your life.”  There’s nothing there about anything Isobel might want or suggested she would do after graduation.  If Max and Michael had this argument, that line would have involved, “What are you talking about? You’re leaving for Albuquerque/You’re running off to Europe.”  For Isobel the best Max has to offer is “Live your life"?

This is actually where the fact that Roswell is supposed to be a small town probably plays a big part.  Because Isobel is the only girl among the three aliens.  It’s not surprising that in a small town Isobel’s lack of plans to go to college or pursue a career is never brought up.  The notion of girls staying home with the parents, working local jobs or simply getting married is still quite common.  From what we’ve seen, it’s actually what happens to Isobel after graduation, though that hasn’t completely been made clear yet.

One big thing did happen first, though. The murders.  Things change that night for Isobel in a very big way.  Until now Isobel has relied on her brother’s for protection.  After the cover up Isobel finds herself in a new role - One of protector.

To her, Michael may have killed Rosa, Jasmin, and Kate - but he is very much not to blame for it.  Think of the story Michael tells her.  He got into a fight and his hand was smashed.  He says he got drunk, but it's not like Michael could have gone to a hospital.  What is the only painkiller they have? Acetone.  To her, Michael was medicating himself because he had no way to receive the care he needed.  Then, drunk on the acetone, he ran into the other car and lost control of his powers.  He was drunk and in pain and alone and he lashed out to protect himself.  She may believe Michael killed them, but she doesn’t blame him.  If anything, she probably blames herself for blacking out and not being there when he needed her.

Then, a few days later, Max starts talking about telling Liz the truth.  Think about what this looks like from Isobel’s perspective.  Max is choosing some crush over Michael.  Michael, who buried the Drifter for him and kept his secret all these years.  He’s literally going to get Michael arrested, maybe even get them all killed if they find out what he is, because he cares about some girl more than their brother.  Is it any wonder she decides to go into Liz’s mind and tell her to stay away from Max?

However, I feel it's hinted at that Max kinda broke down after Liz left.  Isobel mentions something that sounds like a reference in a conversation with Michael in 1x02:

“Max is shutting me out. I thought maybe you could talk to him.  Something is wrong with him, Michael. And when that happened the last time, you were the only one he would open up to.”

I think seeing how using her powers on Liz affected Max really drove home what her powers were capable of to Isobel.  She’d never used her powers against her brothers in such a way.  I don’t think she ever used her powers to negatively affect those she cared about.  Others were free game, but anything that could hurt those she loved was off limits. And this is Max, her person as she calls him to Noah, and her using her powers has hurt him.  She tells Michael, “I don’t do that anymore.”   While it’s unclear when she stopped, my guess is that it was after she used them on Liz.

Then, while we can’t be certain how soon it happened, she met Noah.  She probably felt an instant trust in him because - hello - Noah was in her literal head.  She didn’t know why she felt safe with him, but he was the first person aside from Max and Michael who made her feel that way.  So she dated him, fell in love, got married.

All of this is disturbing enough, because essentially Noah has been grooming Isobel since she was fourteen and then he seeks her out physically and marries her once he gets out of the pod.  But what also bothers me is we don’t see any hint that Isobel is romantically with anyone else in the past.  She teases Max about Tess, Michael mentions dates limiting options, but Isobel is not shown with anyone.  The only feelings of desire Isobel experiences that we are shown is Noah’s for Rosa through her flashbacks, and her and Noah’s relationship.  There is literally nobody else that is even mentioned.  Every other character we get some mention of an ex or potential love interest, even Rosa.  But Isobel has only Noah.

Over the same time period, she witnessed Max and Michael’s friendship fall apart with no idea why.  She didn’t understand what was happening between them.  This was her family and now they were barely speaking.  She had her new position, though, and she wasn’t going to let them down.  She was going to be the one who was strong; the one who protected them and looked after them.  She devoted herself to that, and despite some bumps along the way, I don’t think she felt she failed at it.  She never knew Max was unhappy - he didn’t seem to show that to her after he got his act together.  She says as much to Noah in 1x03.  She thought Michael let his life fall apart because he’d killed three girls and couldn’t forget.  She tried to be there for him - she never cut him out of her life.  She had no idea how to make things better, but she made sure she was there if he needed her. We know this because Noah doesn’t just list Max when Isobel says she had something to take care of - he lists Michael too.

Then Liz comes back into town, and everything changes.  It’s little wonder she views Liz as a threat. Remember, Isobel never feels safe - everyone is a threat.  Liz most of all - Max almost turned on Michael and her for Liz once before.  Max was devastated after losing her the first time and now it's going to happen again. And while people like to say Isobel is overprotective and out of line for constantly lecturing Max about her - is she wrong?  Liz is using Max’s feelings because she’s searching for the truth, Liz does want revenge for Rosa. Liz's history doesn't look like someone she would trust with her brother's happiness. 

Isobel isn’t just using her powers for kicks.  She goes after Liz to protect her family.  She practices at Maria’s bar because she thinks she needs to strengthen her abilities.  If she fails - how will she ever keep Michael safe now that Liz knows an alien killed Rosa?  She isn’t thinking there’s some big secret to why Maria hates her - she probably thinks the reason is small and petty. She doesn’t know Maria.  Then everything becomes strange - because why did Rosa hate her?  Rosa was two years older than them - she was long gone from high school by the time Isobel would have been the head of Roswell High’s Mean Girls.  It makes no sense - she almost never  interacted with her.  Why would someone hate her she didn’t even know?

It’s no wonder the “truth” about the murders affects Isobel so deeply.  She’s spent ten years viewing the deaths as a terrible accident. Now they are murders - actual murders - that she herself committed.  And she doesn’t know why. She does know that for some reason Rosa hated her. But Rosa, Kate, and Jasmin weren't even a blip on her radar before the murders. Why would she suddenly kill them? She's spent her whole life afraid of others and now she can't even trust herself.

Then the flashbacks start after the cure. She has no reason to doubt them - they're her own memories. What's more is that they probably make sense to her.  There were probably days she was sick of the front she put on to keep others at a distance.  And here are these flashbacks saying she let down that guard with someone - with Rosa. And it seems like it was a wonderful thing - Rosa didn't let her down.  She was safe.  Maybe she even loved her? It's everything teen Isobel always wanted. She and Michael discuss it:

"I used to look in the sky when we were kids, and hope something up there would save me."

"I used to look around at the people of this town and hope for the same thing."

She feels invested in this now.  She had a close friend, the only truly close female friend she ever had as far as we see, maybe she even had a secret romance.  Then she finds out the horrifying truth that it was never her at all. She never had that friendship, and what's worse? Noah used her to attack an innocent girl. Just like she was attacked when she was fourteen. Only Rosa didn't have Max and Michael to save her.

Isobel's face off with Noah is painful because it truly is the worst betrayal imaginable.  Isobel doesn't let people close. Isobel doesn't trust. She did with Noah, when the truth is she never should have.  He was the one she should have been protecting herself from.

I am glad they gave us her final Mindscape conversation with Noah.  It may be a lie that she never loved him, but what truly mattered wasn't whether she loved him or not.  What mattered was facing him and letting him know he no longer had control of her.  She was done with him.

The season ends with Isobel exploding the picture frame with her mind. And while I'm excited to see her expand her powers, I am concerned for her in s2. The truth about Noah has already taken away one of her shelters. Losing Max? That is literally one of her greatest fears come to life.

In pursuit of feeling safe again - in protecting what she has left? There's really no saying what path Isobel might take.

[salaciouscrumpet]

Whumptober Day 8

Whumptober Day 8 Prompt: “Stab Wound”

I dunno, kind of losing my motivation here (although I appreciate that at least a few people are reading these, and definitely appreciate @a1thusa‘s feedback). This one took a bit longer in part because I didn’t feel like writing, but also because the idea itself kind of spiraled out of control.

This is posted with limited editing because it’s over 7 pages long and I’m 2 days behind again so I just want it done and out there.

CW: Animals are threatened and injured, but no animals are killed and the injuries are dealt with. (It’s hard to explain more without being spoiler-y.)

Characters: Charlie, Luke, Kate, Bear (the dog)

 Most people assumed that when Charlie shared the bed with Kate and Luke, it was Luke who ended up in the middle, as assumption based on the fact that Luke was the one who was sexually intimate with the both of them while Kate and Charlie’s relationship was purely platonic. As if somehow the only person you could want to cuddle up to was the one you were bumping uglies with. On the contrary, Luke didn’t like sleeping in the middle of the bed because it made him feel penned in, and Kate – who was also a furnace – was far too restless; she might start the night in one position, but usually by the end of it she was draped across the bed or sprawled across their feet like a cat. Charlie, however … Charlie loved sleeping in the middle of the bed. As a child he’d shared his bed with a veritable army of half-siblings, and as a result of growing up surrounded by a noisy, rambunctious and physically affectionate crowd he could pretty much sleep through anything. Throw in his years of university and vet college and he could sleep anywhere, anytime. Having Luke cling to him like a giant octopus and Kate roaming the bed was just par for the course, and the best times were when he woke up with his two partners snuggled up against him, wrapped up in Luke’s strong arms with Kate throwing out 100,000 BTUs on his other side. Toss in a huge, fluffy dog and a couple of cats and even in the dead of February with the furnace out Charlie would sleep snug and content. 

It was a testament to how deep a sleeper Charlie was that it wasn’t the loud crash that woke him up, but rather the sudden violent awakening of both Luke and Kate. The crash, which had come from downstairs and was complemented by the barking of a large, furious dog, had initially been written off by Charlie as coming from his dreams, but when both his partners lunged out of bed he was abruptly jolted into wakefulness. Charlie might be a deep sleeper, but he woke quickly and fully, the consequence of many nights of emergency shifts and late-night phone calls. 

Light flashed, the pale silvery-blue glow coming from Luke’s hands as the former Knight of Oberon summoned a matched pair of short swords through his argent bonds. Charlie sat up, blinking sleep out of his eyes, his heart thudding as he realized he couldn’t feel his wards. The magical wards that had wrapped around their home had been in place when he’d gone to sleep – he knew this for a fact, because long habit had him checking on them every night – but now they were just gone. And that shouldn’t have been possible. Tearing a witch’s magic down like that, so completely and suddenly, required a significant amount of magic and power, and Charlie should have felt it happening, even in his sleep. 

“My wards are gone,” he said, voice hushed. Downstairs he could hear more crashing and smashing, as though someone or something was tearing through their dining room. Outside Bear was barking; the dog could let himself in and out of the farmhouse at his leisure – Leonbergers were a smart breed – but from the sound of his increasingly agitated barks he was unable to get inside the house now. 

“Stay here,” Luke replied, heading for the door, his conjured weapons shining like beacons. 

“What?” Charlie started to climb out of bed, but Kate pushed him back, her face close to his. 

“Stay. Here,” she hissed, before following Luke out of the bedroom. 

Sitting alone in the darkness while his partners went off in search of danger, it was strange the thoughts that flashed through Charlie’s mind. He’d heard glass shattering and worried that the cats, who were indoor-only cats, might escape through a broken window. He’d heard smashing and wood breaking, and worried that the intruders had destroyed his mother’s good china, which was one of the few keepsakes he had from her. He heard Bear barking, and worried that someone might hurt their dog. It didn’t really occur to him to worry about Luke or Kate, despite the fact that they had gone down to confront whoever or whatever had torn down his wards and broken into their home. It didn’t really occur to him to worry about himself, left alone and defenseless in their upstairs bedroom. 

Not until harsh fingers threaded through his hair, yanking his head back as something cold and sharp dug into the exposed skin of his throat. 

The gust of breath against his cheek was searing hot and fetid, smelling of death and decay. The grip on his hair was tight enough that there were sharp little spikes of pain where the hair was being pulled out. The knife against his throat felt sharp enough to cut through his skin like it was warm butter. 

Demon! Charlie’s mind shrieked, as he realized what had torn through his wards. He held himself very still, his heartbeat sounding too loud in his ears, almost loud enough to drown out the sounds of violence from below. 

Across the room something moved in the open doorway, and for a brief moment of sharp relief Charlie thought, from the size alone, that it was Luke. But while the shadow was exceptionally tall, it was angled all wrong, knees and elbows bent at awkward angles, the head too small for its body, the shoulders far too broad. The thing stepped inside the bedroom and stood, silent and menacing, just inside the door, tucked up against the wall. Eyes bright like ember sparks glinted at Charlie, and there was another gust of hot breath as the demon holding him let out a soft laugh. 

“Call them,” it said, tugging his head back harder, until the back of his head brushed against something smooth and solid like the carapace of a beetle. The thing beside the door moved, shifting restlessly, and Charlie saw it switch a weapon from one massive hand to the other. He couldn’t make out what the weapon was, but it was large and probably tipped with spikes or made of bone or something equally horrible. 

“No,” Charlie gritted out. He had to resist the urge to swallow against the blade at his throat. His mouth was dry, his lungs aching from the smell of the demon holding him. He knew, without needing either demon to state it explicitly, that there could be no good reason to call Kate or Luke back upstairs. He could still hear fighting downstairs and he wondered how many more demons there were. How many had his partners already defeated? How many were left? Where was Bear? Had the cats gotten out? He was afraid for his own life, of course, but far too distracted by his worries over everyone else. 

“Call them,” the demon hissed, and the knife pressed deeper into Charlie’s skin, hard enough that there was the bite of stinging pain and he felt something wet and warm trickle down his throat. 

Charlie grunted out in the negative, fighting against the instinctive drive to strike out, to try to get away. His mind rapidly went through several scenarios – slamming his head back into the demon’s face, pretending to faint, calling out for help the way the demon wanted him to – but they all ended in the same way, with him dead or dying, and no one left to heal Luke and Kate. He’d been taught a variety of ways to escape holds, but they’d all relied upon him standing rather than sitting up in bed, and they’d also relied upon his opponent being human, or at least humanoid. Not something with a hard carapace for skin, that his blows would likely just glance off. He wasn’t a fighter, he was a healer. He was a doctor. He was faced with the sudden brief but humiliating burst of frustration that Kate or Luke should have stayed upstairs to protect him, even as he rebelled against the idea of needing protection in the first place. 

“Call. Them.” The knife dug in deeper, the fingers clawed in his hair twisting more tightly. 

“Go back to hell,” Charlie snarled back. 

The demon growled in frustration before suddenly releasing him. Charlie had a brief moment to try lunging away, but then the creature backhanded him, hard, hard enough that bright spots flashed behind his eyes and he couldn’t help himself – he cried out in pain and startlement. It wasn’t a loud cry, and it was bitten off almost the moment he realized he was making it, but both Luke and Kate had superhuman hearing. He heard Kate yell “Charlie!” and then there was the thudding of heavy feet up the stairs. 

Charlie opened his mouth to shout out a warning as the demon in the doorway braced to attack. A hard, heavy hand clapped over his mouth as the knife returned to his throat. 

Luke came bounding down the hallway toward the bedroom. Even with the blackout curtains in place Charlie knew his lover’s night vision was good enough to see him there, on the bed with a demon at his back and a knife at his throat. Charlie tried to bite the hand covering his mouth, tried to widen his eyes to signal a warning to Luke, but Luke was too fixated on the danger to Charlie to notice the danger to himself. 

Luke burst through the open doorway and the demon beside it lunged into action, swinging its massive weapon up and around. The blow connected solidly, an audible crack as the heavy mace or club smashed Luke in the face with such force his head snapped to the side. He stood for a few seconds, staggering, then his body followed the flow of momentum from the hit: he toppled sideways, falling against the wall before hitting the floor. 

The demon brought the mace down and Charlie couldn’t help himself – he screamed. 

There was a sudden crash behind Charlie and shards of glass and splinters of wood rained down upon the bed. The knife held to Charlie’s throat slid, scraping painfully along the skin, and then suddenly disappeared as the weight against Charlie’s back was jerked away. 

Bear – all one hundred and seventy pounds of him – landed on the demon, knocking it away from Charlie and pinning it under his weight. Charlie scrabbled backwards as the dog pinned the demon down, sharp teeth at the monster’s throat with a violence and ferocity Charlie had never witnessed before in the long-time pet. 

Charlie snatched up the demon’s knife – a wicked-looking blade made of a glossy red-black metal he didn’t recognize – and, without a second thought to his own safety, charged the monster standing over Luke. The demon had stopped to stare – curious or confused, Charlie couldn’t tell – as the dog savaged its fellow, but the moment Charlie moved toward it it recalled itself to the fight, swinging its club around in order to strike at Charlie. 

Charlie didn’t even hesitate. He barreled headfirst into the demon, tackling it mid-waist and forcing it backwards out of the bedroom. 

Unlike the demon that had held him, this one didn’t appear to have the hardened skin. It was large and it was strong, but its flesh was as soft and fragile as any human’s, and when Charlie charged it he remembered to bring the knife up and drive it into the creature’s gut. The demon let out a hiss of pain and tried to force Charlie off. There was no way Charlie was stronger than the monster, but his rage and fear made him strong, and he bore the demon down to the ground. He was unaware of the screams coming out of his mouth; all he knew was that there was a terrible amount of shouting and his throat was aching and Luke was unconscious or maybe even dead beside him and where was Kate and – 

Something soft and furred bumped against his elbow. Bear whined at him, nudging Charlie away from the dead demon. Its body was already disintegrating underneath him, flesh turning into char and then flaking away. He turned, breath coming out in great heaving gasps, and saw that the demon on the bed was in a similar state. Bear’s muzzle was wet with black blood and it should have been horrifying but it was the most reassuring thing Charlie had ever seen. 

Charlie shoved himself off the demon’s crumbling corpse and fell on his knees beside Luke, who lay crumpled up against the wall. Bear whined again and gave Charlie’s cheek a lick before heading out of the bedroom, toward the stairs. Charlie couldn’t spare time to worry about whatever the dog was up to, not when Luke was out cold – but mercifully not dead. 

Charlie’s magic enabled him to see where the damage was and how bad it was, and he let out a shuddering, wet-sounding gasp when he saw that while Luke was badly concussed and there were definitely bones in his face and side that were broken, he was alive and his condition was something Charlie could treat. He cupped his hands around his lover’s face and poured healing magic into the unconscious man, just enough so that Luke was stable and could be moved into a more comfortable position. He set Luke out in the recovery position, on his side with one leg bent, the other straight, his head cupped in his own hand. 

Everything was quiet in the house, although Charlie could hear the dog moving around downstairs. Bear was otherwise silent, and while Charlie still had no idea where Kate was – or whether or not the cats had escaped – he knew that the house must once more be safe if Bear was no longer barking. He trusted in the dog’s judgment, much as he trusted in his own wards and the protection of his partners. 

His hands were shaking as he went about healing Luke’s injuries and he couldn’t seem to get his breathing under control. Adrenaline still coursed through him and he knew it would leave him shaky and off-balance for hours. At the emergency clinic he knew how to channel that energy into his work, but in a fight he was out of his element. The only thing he could do was to focus himself on Luke and on healing the damage, starting with the head injury – a bleed inside his brain, a fracture of the orbital bone, deep lines of bruising all over his face – before moving on to the ribs that had been broken when the demon had struck him a second time. 

A low whining sound drew his attention, and when he looked up Bear was standing just outside the doorway, holding something small and furred inside his mouth. For one confused moment Charlie thought the Leonberger had brought in another dead bunny – every spring rabbits made nests under their porches and in the hedge, and every spring Bear found the nests and brought the baby bunnies to his humans. The dog was amazingly gentle, but rabbits were incredibly fragile, and inevitably the bunnies would die. Luke would repair the hole the rabbits had used for their nest and there would be no more bunnies that year, and then the saga would repeat itself the next spring. Poor Bear just wanted to keep the bunnies safe, and no matter what they did to discourage him or the rabbits, it kept happening. 

Then Charlie realized that the limp, furred form in Bear’s mouth was a cat. A small cat that he knew very well. It wasn’t Titter, their elderly long-haired moggy who hated everyone (up until the moment she needed her back scratched), nor was it Sekhmet, the black short-haired cat who ruled the house with an iron paw. No, instead this cat was calico, with the softest fur imaginable – and pale blue eyes. 

Now her fur was bloodied, and as Charlie took the small cat from Bear – the dog immediately opened his mouth to carefully drop the furred bundle into Charlie’s waiting hands, whining loudly – he saw why. There was a large shard of glass, roughly the size of a chef’s knife, impaling the cat through the abdomen. In addition to that one of her hind legs appeared to be broken, and there were claw marks along her haunches. If Charlie didn’t know better, he would have guessed that Bear had attacked the cat – but he did know better, and there was no way Bear would have harmed the creature in his hands. 

“Oh, Katie-Kate, why are you a cat?” he murmured, gently setting the cat – Kate – down on her side. It wasn’t unusual for her to shapeshift in the course of a fight, but normally she picked forms that were more … useful. Unlike were-creatures, who were limited to one form and one form only, Kate could transform herself into any kind of predator animal, and apparently the magic in her blood was rather flexible on its definition of “predator.” The calico was a favourite form for her, but not for battle; she shifted into cat-shape when she wanted comfort and didn’t know how to ask, or when she wanted to escape life and the frustrations of being human for a bit. That she wore the form now, when it made her smaller and more fragile, was exceedingly bizarre in Charlie’s mind. 

But of course, Kate couldn’t answer him, not like this, and it was risky for her to transform back with a hunk of glass protruding from her side. In fact, it would have been risky for her to transform into a cat with the glass there; there was no way to know for certain where the glass would move when the body shifted, because magic didn’t follow the laws of physics or even logic. For all Charlie knew, she could have been stabbed through the thigh and when she shifted the glass shifted along with her, moving into her guts. It still made no sense to him why she would have done it, however. 

Bear whined again, and Charlie glanced up to see that the dog had moved to sit beside Luke, who was still out cold on the floor. Charlie wasn’t done healing Luke, but the worst of his injuries – the life-threatening one that had left his brain rattled inside its skull – had been dealt with, and Charlie knew Luke could handle the pain of broken ribs if it meant that Kate was cared for. It hurt Charlie to leave a job half-finished, but he had only so much magical energy to go around, and the people he would normally borrow energy from were the very same people he needed to heal. 

“Sit,” Charlie said to Bear, following it up with a hand-sign and a gesture in Luke’s direction as he added, “Guard.” Bear took up a watchful stance over Luke just as Charlie looked over his shoulder at the ruined window and the spill of shattered glass and splintered wood all over the king-sized bed. He then looked back at the dog, frowning. “How did you even get up here, anyway?” 

Bear gave a lolling doggy-smile, his tongue hanging out, and Charlie rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to Kitty-Kate. If the fact that his incredibly smart and extremely protective Leonberger had somehow managed to climb up to a second-story window in order to rescue him was where tonight fell apart in his mind, well, Charlie’s life was generally all kinds of weird. Besides, gift horses and all that. If Bear hadn’t arrived when he had, Luke would most likely be dead, and Charlie and Kate along with him. 

Charlie ran his hands over Kate’s fur, letting his magic sense where all her injuries were. In a way she’d done him a favour: he was good at healing people, but he was a veterinarian by training and trade, and he’d always been better with animals. Shifted as she was into the form of a cat, Charlie could easily call to mind every aspect of her altered anatomy and where best to direct his healing magic because this was something he did almost every day. He suspected making his life easier hadn’t been among Kate’s priorities, however, and as he frowned and tsked at each new hurt he found, he wondered anew at what the hell his best friend had been thinking. 

His heart gave a painful lurch when he moved her and Kitty-Kate made a sound that her human self would deny even being capable of making, a pitiable mewl that made him want to wrap her up in cotton bunting and carry her around with him for the rest of her natural life. He apologized, even though she was scarcely conscious and likely couldn’t hear him, but she purred a little – he had to remind himself that while cats did purr sometimes when they were injured in order to draw in assistance, Kate was human and didn’t actually possess any such feline instincts. Beside them Luke groaned and made a retching sound that spoke to exactly why Charlie had moved him into the recovery position in the first place. Concussions and nausea frequently went hand-in-hand, and at least in the recovery position he was less likely to choke on his own vomit. 

“My life is glamorous, Bear,” Charlie muttered, keeping one eye on Luke – who, sure enough, quickly curled into himself and began heaving onto the floor – and his other eye on Kate. Even as he healed his partners he began a mental tally of everything he needed to do within the next few minutes, chief among them being calling the General to let her know about the attack on their home. Ardyn was going to be pissed – she always was, when one of her people got hurt, but Luke was something of a pet project of hers and there would be hell to pay if her plans were shot because something demonic decided to target him and his lovers – but the sooner she knew about it, the better. And realistically, none of them could stay there for the night, or even for the next few days, not with Charlie’s wards down and multiple doors and windows smashed. Selfishly Charlie hoped that a temporary relocation would also include an emergency clean-up crew, because the thought of dealing with all this damage (and now he could add “copious amounts of vomit” to the list of things he did not want to deal with) made him feel even more exhausted than the thought of having to move in the first place. 

“Chaaarl?” Luke managed to mumble, after he’d finished tossing up the Chinese food they’d had for dinner that night. Charlie spared him another glance and saw him goggling around in confusion, struggling to get his eyes to focus. “Is Kay – mmphmm – is’k a cah?” 

“Yes, love, Katie-Kate’s a cat,” Charlie replied, and it was sad, really, how easy it was for him to translate ‘Concussed Luke’ speech. The piece of glass slid out and landed on the hardwood floor, wet and glossy with Kate’s blood. The tiny calico made another soft little whimper before suddenly going limp, and Charlie had a moment of gratitude that unlike normal were-creatures, Kate did not immediately revert to human form upon falling unconscious. Werewolves, werebears and other lycanthropes returned to their natural shapes when sleeping or otherwise out cold, but Kate wasn’t a were, she was a fomoir, and her half-demon blood gave her the gift of shapeshifting. She could hold her form until she chose to turn back – which in this case meant that Charlie didn’t end up with a lapful of naked, unconscious human woman. Instead, he just had a small, bloodied calico with a rapidly-healing stab wound in her side, and for all that Kate was not a large woman, as a ten-pound cat she was considerably easier to move around. 

“Why’s Kady … Kayd … Whyzzacat?” Luke frowned and wiped at his mouth with one uncoordinated hand, pushing away from the puddle of vomit and managing to get himself halfway sitting, slumped up against the wall. “Wha’ ha’end?” 

Charlie sighed and used Luke’s discarded T-shirt as a makeshift blanket, shaking it free of glass shards before wrapping it around Kate and tucking her in next to Bear’s flank. The dog sniffed her, gave a small whine, and licked the top of her head, his tail wagging uncertainly. Charlie looked at the dog, then looked at Luke and Kate. He needed to go downstairs and check on the damage – and see if Titter and Sekhmet had escaped out into the night. He also needed to grab one of their phones from the charger to contact Ardyn and the rest of the Alliance. He also didn’t particularly want to leave Kate or Luke alone. Did Luke count as a responsible party? Did Bear? 

“Love, I’ll be happy to explain everything, but first I need to make some phone calls, okay?” Luke just stared blearily up at Charlie, his eyes unfocused. His gaze drifted downwards and he frowned in confusion. 

“Hey, Chaaarlie … why iz … is … Whyzzacat?” 

Charlie let out another sigh and gave Bear the same hand-sign again, once more pointing at Luke before adding Kate into the mix. “Guard, Bear.” 

Bear let out a soft woof, his tail thumping against the floor. 

“Good dog.”

[kcwcommentary]

VLD2x13 – “Blackout”

2x13 – “Blackout”

Starting where the last episode left off, Shiro recaps the situation and outlines the next step of the plan. Zarkon’s ship is without power for twenty minutes, and there are four targets they need to hit: the weapons system, engines, bridge, and shield generators. Voltron carves through the ship’s hull with its sword.

Haggar proposes using the komar (I had forgotten about that device) to draw the quintessence out of Voltron. Zarkon instead wants to face Voltron himself. Haggar tells him that she thinks his judgement is hindered due to his obsession with the Black Lion. He refuses to listen to her.

On the Castle Ship, Allura regains consciousness.

Zarkon prepares to use the armor that had been mentioned in a previous episode, which includes him locking in his bayard the same way the Paladins use theirs in the Lions. Haggar meanwhile acts on her own with the Druids to do a “ritual,” which of course is just more miscellaneous purple energy blasting. Voltron continues to destroy more of Zarkon’s ship. I love the shots where Voltron is so small we can’t really make it out, but we can see lines of explosions. So far, they’ve taken out the first two of their four targets. Haggar activates the komar and zaps Voltron. She screams, “It’s pure quintessence,” in an unimpressive cartoonish way – the voice acting for Haggar in that moment is okay, it’s just an unimpressive line for a moment that’s clearly supposed to be significant.

Coran realizes that if the ship’s power was shut down, then the Galra shouldn’t have had any weapons to have been able to blast Voltron. Allura realizes that it wasn’t a weapon, but magic, and Kolivar explains what the komar is.

Voltron floats in space, powerless. The Paladins are all unconscious, though they start regaining consciousness when Allura calls out to them. That’s when the Paladins see Zarkon in his armor emerge from his ship. His armor includes what is essentially a set of wings. Shiro has a brief psychic moment and knows that it’s Zarkon.

Allura orders the Castle Ship closer to Zarkon’s ship and the Castle’s weapons systems active. She calls on the Paladins to fight. Allura’s demonstrating commanding leadership in this moment of crisis. It’s really sad knowing that the show takes her being a leader away from her when it turns her into the Blue Paladin next season. The Castle Ship fires on Zarkon, pushing him physically back into the structure of his ship. His armor is able to reflect the Castle’s weapons and turn the beam back on them, which causes Allura to scream out in pain. The Paladins react strongly to having seen/heard that, and Shiro rallys the Paladins to fight.

Zarkon’s armor generates its own sword. Voltron regains power and forms its sword. And they clash. Haggar orders the komar to be used again. Voltron fires on Zarkon with Yellow’s shoulder cannon, but Zarkon uses its wings to block it.

Back on the Castle Ship, the systems seem to be offline. Coran regains consciousness and the artificial gravity is not functioning. He moves to Allura, who comes to, uninjured. Given the severity of her scream earlier, it feels cheap that she’s okay now. Slav has made his way to the bridge. Allura orders Coran and Slav to work to get the Castle operational, and she asks Kolivan to get her to the komar. Allura’s planning on attacking Haggar. Haggar is a foil character for Allura, so their conflict is a narratively natural one.

Allura, Kolivan, and Antok make their way to the komar, taking out one Druid when they arrive and depowering the komar. Allura and the Blades engage Haggar and the Druids. Voltron and Zarkon continue their space battle. It feels like the show is really giving time to the visual depiction between Voltron and Zarkon. Time for a conflict to breathe is something that I feel the show loses in later seasons, or maybe it’s just that the goals of characters underlying the conflict are so much clearer here. Or maybe not clear, but simple. Zarkon wants the Black Lion, and Haggar’s supporting him. There’s nothing more that we need to know to understand this conflict. Later seasons’ final conflicts with Lotor and Honerva, respectively, don’t feel fully explained, and that contributes to those battles being confusing. Even though this battle with Zarkon is dramatic, I still can mentally breathe. Again, I think it comes down to the clarity of why the battle’s being fought that’s underlying the conflict in this episode.

Shiro can feel that Zarkon is trying to psychically fight him for control of the Black Lion. Zarkon uses his armor’s weapon kind of like a segmented metal lasso and zaps Voltron, causing them to separate into their respective Lions.

Zarkon says, “You should have fled like your predecessors. Now the time of the Voltron Paladins is finished.” I take it that by “predecessors,” he’s referring to the group of Paladins to which he was a member? By “fled,” I guess he’s referring to Alfor’s having hidden the Lions throughout the universe? I could have used a fuller explanation to Zarkon’s taunt here.

Shiro’s unconscious, so Keith, the lieutenant, rallies the Paladins. I think this is something that the EPs of this show seemed to refuse to recognize in their having a problem with the idea of the show having more than one leader, and thus their desire to kill Shiro and position Keith as the team leader. Despite the EPs’ thoughts to the contrary, there most absolutely can be more than one leader. Maybe the EPs’ desire for only one leader, a position they wanted to assign to Keith, is why, not only Shiro gets brought down by the show, but also Allura. But having Shiro and Allura as the leaders of Team Voltron does not mean that the other characters couldn’t also have moments of leadership. There are different levels of a leadership and command structure. That’s why members of the military have ranks. And that’s what gives significance to Keith’s place in the story right now. We saw it at the end of season one, too, when Keith fought Zarkon to protect Shiro. Keith’s stepping up right now is, like then, him behaving as a lieutenant, taking command in the absence of the team commander.

When power is consolidated into a single person, you get an autocrat, you get Zarkon. We’ve seen him throughout these two seasons wield his authority in a way that everything that happens has to go through him. Our heroes are fighting against him, so their organizational structure should differ from his. And right now, in this series, it does. Zarkon is the dictatorial emperor, but Voltron is a team.

The Red Lion is positioned between Zarkon and the Black Lion in such a way that it’s reminiscent of the waiting crouch Red had in a particular shot that I totally loved during her battle against Zarkon at the end of season one.

Allura and the Blades continue their fight, taking out one of the Druids. Haggar and another Druid outflank Antok and bring him down.

Shiro comes to and sees the other Paladins fighting Zarkon. He looks to the bayard port on Black, which he’s never been able to use since he doesn’t have the black bayard. He pilots Black toward the conflict, there’s a sequence of flashes of some of Shiro’s and Black’s past moments, including Black driving Zarkon out of the psychic space upon bonding with Shiro in 2x07 “Space Mall” and Black standing on top of the other Lions way back in, I think, 1x04 “Some Assembly Required.” The split-screen of Shiro and Black’s eyes glowing, expressing their bond. And now, in this fight, Black grows large wings, flies by Zarkon, Shiro and Zarkon’s psychic forms pass each other in psychic space, and Shiro gains the black bayard.

Shiro says, “I’ve got Zarkon’s bayard,” but Keith corrects him, “You mean you’ve got your bayard.” I love this. Despite presenting himself as the confident leader, Shiro is not always confident in himself. Sendak got to some of that back in 1x11 “Crystal Venom,” in his saying Shiro couldn’t ever truly be a Paladin. But in bonding with Black as strongly as he has, and in being able to claim the black bayard, Shiro is proving that he is not just a Paladin, but the Black Paladin.

The team forms Voltron again.

Allura knocks down Haggar, knocking off Haggar’s hood in the process, revealing to Allura that Haggar is Altean. It seems so obvious to me now, but the first time I watched this episode, I was truly surprised. Haggar being Altean reinforces her as a foil character for Allura. Haggar does an evil villain scream and blasts Allura with purple lightning, but Allura bears the blast easily and starts glowing pink. Haggar remarks, “Impossible!” I don’t really see how she would think it’s impossible since she is a space witch and they’re dealing with magic, but whatever. She keeps blasting Allura, who maybe absorbs the energy or holds it temporarily at bay, until she glows so brightly that Haggar collapses, and Allura disperses the energy into the ship’s walls. Kolivan kills the remaining Druid. Haggar gets up and teleports away. Allura has destroyed the komar.

Coran and Slav get the Castle Ship operational, while Zarkon’s ship regains power. Voltron and Zarkon charge at and slam into each other, Voltron having stabbed Zarkon’s armor through with the Voltron sword. Zarkon grabs Voltron’s head and energy builds up, purple electricity inside the cockpit zapping Shiro, who again looks to the bayard port. Finally, Shiro slams his bayard into the port, causing Voltron’s sword to become enflamed. They destroy Zarkon’s armor, which explodes into a ball of purple light.

Voltron has separated into the respective Lions again. Coran swoops in with the Castle, having gotten Allura and Kolivan on board, and he calls for the Paladins. They make they way toward the Castle before they see that the Black Lion isn’t coming. Keith and Pidge grab Black and bring her with them. The Castle wormholes away.

On board, everyone, led by Keith, run to the Black Lion. Shiro is not aboard. Elsewhere, Haggar has retrieved Zarkon’s body. She orders some Galra to “summon Prince Lotor,” and the episode ends. I think this ending, these last two scenes, would have worked better if their order was flipped. I really don’t like ending on Haggar. I don’t need her to have the last word for the show to have a sense that the fight will continue next season. Having Haggar’s scene last takes away from the weight of the reveal that Shiro’s not in the Black Lion. Haggar’s an antagonist, so she’s not as important as our protagonists. Their experience of finding Shiro missing should have been given more importance than Haggar’s name-dropping Lotor. The protagonists in a story are what drive the story, and antagonists are there to serve as obstacles and mirrors for the protagonists. But the focus in a well-told story needs to ultimately come back to the perspective of the protagonists. The episode could have still name-dropped Lotor, but it should have happened before a final scene of our heroes discovering the loss of Shiro. That way, his loss is the big, final weight of the episode ending.

This episode really was about the fight of two characters: Allura and Shiro. That’s why the conflict was structured around them against their respective foils: Haggar and Zarkon. Space witch versus space witch. Black Paladin versus Black Paladin. The narrative had such a clean, clear structure in this conflict that it made for an excellent story. Allura’s personal story is complicated by finding out that she and Coran are not the only Alteans still alive in the universe. Even if (for now) that only means Haggar, the revelation that Haggar is Altean is a marker that there could be other survivors that the story will eventually reveal. Shiro’s story is his fully claiming the position of Black Paladin. He’s done the work to free the Black Lion from Zarkon’s influence. The Black Lion herself has expressed her siding with Shiro. Together, Shiro and Black built that bond. And Shiro has finally claimed the black bayard, another symbol of his being the Black Paladin.

It’s terrible that the EPs eventually undo all this great storytelling in their desire to kill/sideline Shiro in order to make Keith, who does nothing to earn the position, Black Paladin. I like Keith, and I think I’ve expressed that especially throughout the past several commentaries. But Keith did not do the work to bond with Black that Shiro did. Keith did not, through that bond, claim the black bayard. Shiro does all the narrative work, but then the show just hands the benefit of that work to Keith just because. With these first two seasons, the show has built something, and now, starting with season three, it all starts to fall apart.