#i thought we got over the idea that shipping exists in fandom in like. 2012.

[strawberrycola]

hello. i made a very long, very indulgent addition to the sam and max subreddit post earlier, and decided to make it its own post because i had way too many thoughts for a reblog. and the idea of clogging notes was eating away at my brain like mice eat a cheese. this is mostly just train of thought, so i apologise if it's complete nonsense. i've just thought a lot about sam and max's relationship, and the connection lgbt (and neurodivergent, for that matter) fans have had to the series, from my perspective since i was like 8. obviously that's gonna be tinted thru a tumblr lens, because ftmp that's where i see The Good Stuff. and i'm gay as hell, so there's bias. ok read more time kiss kiss.

anyhoozles, coincidentally i've been back on my sam and max bullshit recently, as i finally got a chance to play "this time it's virtual". and discovered vr is not my thing.

so to start, listen...i don't think sam and max's relationship is quite as cut and dry as i believe myself and perhaps many others would imagine/hope. i'm eyeing the "susan" gag from the aformentioned ttiv, in particular. but as your resident specialist in "complex and obscure knowledge of three series total or so", the question of sam and max's relationship has been here since the very beginning of the official comics. like. this has been a thing. pretending it's new is foolhardy. and wrong. obviously there's "like butch and sundance", the wedding toppers, hell, the devs of the telltale game trilogy lampshade their relationship a very decent amount, both in the game itself and in the commentary. at the end of 209, "chariot of the dogs", they directly bring it up during the final cutscene tie straightening maneuver max does. one of the devs literally gets excited about it, iirc. and one of my personal favourite examples is "do you find my warmth...alarming, sam?" from 305, "the city that dares not sleep."

that, in particular, is one of several lines directly from MR. PURCELL HIMSELF, that he gave to the devs each game as lines that must be in the game.

and speaking of season 3, i'd like to mention 305, "they stole max's brain".

(i am now holding "noir sam" so close to my chest, jsyk. that trope means the world to me. it has influenced SO much of my work, and i still use napalm's playthrough on youtube as a sleep aid. REMASTER WHEN.)

of course i and many others latched onto that shit, are you kidding me???? that whole episode was RIPE for hurt/comfort. minor spoiler warning for those that would mind, it's a roaring rampage of revenge plot. at least for the first 30 minutes or so. it's part of a long history between the two of freaking the hell out the second they're separated from each other in a way that doesn't end in like, five minutes. (305. if you know, you know. fkin brutal, man.) sam, in the second act of the game, has been affected by an alternate reality plot, and fully believes he has carried max's brain in a jar his whole LIFE and seemingly has no plans to stop doing so!! it's part of a season where the WHOLE PLOT revolves around the nature of their relationship and how it could change. you don't have to be a shipper yourself to understand how that could be incredibly compelling to the people that fancy them as a couple.

and it's a fandom that i give a lot of credit to lgbt people for revitalising in the mid 2010s~ (i was already a fan by then, and i'm still really curious as to why it blew up so much, but hey, who's complaining?), as well as in 2021~ in response to skunkape's remaster of telltale's season one "save the world" installment, and the release of ttiv. (obviously the actual demographic spread across platform to platform is a varied thing, etc. etc. i'd like to stay firmly in my lane, and i don't wanna overstate any particular demos in my discussion here, or hyperbolise too much.)

Obviously, you don't have. to be a shipper. completely fine. pretty common. Who Give A Care. and we're not even gonna get into the "not suitable" content. i can't fault anyone for not being cool with the actual sexualisation of childhood stuff they like. that's something i'm pretty "ambivalent with a leaning towards discomfort" about for quite a few things myself. and it turns out there wasn't even any "unmentionable graphic imagery" to begin with. shocking. HOWEVER. i'm fascinated but not completely surprised by the blatant homophobia and disgust towards the fanart of the ship.

like, to be nuanced about things, and it's not like the admin is extending the same courtesy here, this is clearly an older fan. like i think from around the same timeframe i was first introduced to it, give or take. maybe they missed a lot of the tumblr mid-2010s activity, or maybe that's going in to their Burning Disgust towards Yaoi Sam and Max Kissing Not Clickbait. i know the fanart had some level of cross-posting, at least on youtube as dubs iirc. OR maybe i'm a fool who is actively tricking you with my words and none of the above is true at all. however...pal. again, in my opinion, we owe those lgbt and neurodivergent kids and adults our whole rights as a fan community. you don't have to like it, but you do have to be respectful, jerkbag.

i can't be the only one who was devastated by the drought of content post "the devil's playhouse". we had a [1] singular whole webcomic to tide us over, with the occasional sketch on purcell's social medias. of course, there was a small community of fans, and some incredible stuff they made, looking at you Sam Dies At The End. i weeped. but it was slow and steady. and then, out of seemingly nowhere, people en masse suddenly REALLY CARED ABOUT THE THING THAT BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY AS A LITTLE GUY. like, fuck man...i first found out what autism was when i was real young because max's character description on wikipedia contained speculation as to whether or not he has it. (jury's still out, ...but we all have our little comforts. okay? also speaking of, "is max gay?" is like. one of the longest ongoing bits. like cmon dude.) now granted, by 2021 i was a little old for the new wave of shipping that sprouted up. tiktok edits are Not Always My Thing. but that's okay!!!! it doesn't need to be my thing. i'm really glad they're having fun. :] and i don't want to come across as like. infantilising in my discussion of the younger fanbase, so i apologise if my tone has come across that way. it really is simply the comforting thought that kids like me can experience what i had.

i remember how much fun my friends and i used to have when we were 16! (hi xavier, if ur reading this. miss you, buddy. :]) we got silly with it! we got angsty about season 3!! we wrote fanfiction, hell, an amazing fic my friend wrote that i beta'd is still the most kudos'd shipping fic on ao3!! the fanartists i liked had such an INCREDIBLE grasp on how to write sam and max's banter. it was a good time! and knowing these characters are giving joy to a new generation makes me giddy, dude. hell yeah! get "feral" or whatever the hell it is these days. find comfort in characters that don't really care about anyone's opinion except each other's, who get to be as weird and annoying and gross as they want all the time. that tend to punch up. that show love differently than what's seen as conventional. that end up saving the day, not even because they have to, so much as they genuinely enjoy each adventure together. max was my personal opportunity to feel comfort in all my weird freaky mannerisms i kept safe behind the polished exterior i had to wear as a kid. i found solace in the thought that those two were practically made for each other, as i stumbled through my own gender and sexuality crises. i loved how dry and dark sam was allowed to be. the banjo bits, the phone jokes, the repartee. so much of this series has influenced me, and helped me become who i am, as a creator and as a functional guy who Does Things.

so that's a small bit of why i think sam and max had, and still has, a lot of appeal to people that grew up like me. there's a lot of rough stuff i went through that made the idea of a couple of anarchist detectives completely devoted to one another that go around the seedy underbelly of america saving the day ("almost on purpose!") really, really interesting. steve purcell is unapologetic about how gross america can be, especially in the comics. at the heart of it, sam and max do what they do both because they enjoy it, and they enjoy each other. and i think, to overlook that, is to miss some of the whole point of the franchise. oh, i'm sorry, giant cockroaches literally everywhere is fine, streets crusted in various goos, totally chill, but gay kissing is the thing that Absolutely Nauseates you? plugging your ears and screaming gross seems like...kind of a weak move here, ngl. a work that doesn't shy away from how confusing and wild life can be has a decent chance to be compelling to marginalised groups, who often have to put up with the more disgusting aspects of reality anyways. at least these two odd guys are having fun with it. sam and max understand each other, each of their strengths and flaws, and choose to be with each other every day because of and in spite of them. they choose to love where they are, because of and in spite of its many, many, many flaws. they choose to be who they are because they love what they do. there's something touching there, if you like to think about such things. there are some occasions i find myself wishing sam and max's relationship was more...concrete. i wish we had an answer to Does Sam And Max Is Gay? but at the same time, being vague and obtuse is like. their whole shtick. so maybe it's just right how it is. and uh. obviously this is a fictional series. in the end, it's all how we enjoy it that matters, and it's not the end of the world. and as a final cherry on top, nothing beats turning to my husband and asking, "is sam and max queerbait", before delighting in the 3 hr conversation that follows.

and to get to the point. as the old adage unfortunately goes, it's...okay. to not like...ships. and i can even somewhat understand being frustrated by a subreddit you created being "flooded" by a thing you're not into. only somewhat, because a: we've always been here, and b: because you can. just not look at it? idk if reddit has a filtering system, but. the scroll wheel is free. to throw a tantrum and ban topics because you're personally offended people think they're gay? you might be missing out on some of the most fun you can have outside the series, and you're spitting in the face of the people who held this fandom up on their shoulders like atlas.

and you're being a dick about it.

TO CONCLUDE:

wah wah they're gay gay homosexual gay and they don't pay taxes. deal or die, fake fan.

[smallearlybird]

How bad could this possibly be?

haha get it song reference

Hello everyone! welcome to Ellie's thoughts, i've just had an existential crisis in the shower which happened because i've rewatched 'The Lorax' twice and had fallen for the green twink we all know and have mixed feelings for so buckle up people! This is gonna be a ride..

Also this is gonna be from the top of my head so excuse me if this seems like a bunch of thoughts mushed together by a thirteen year old who is stuck in quarantine with nothing to do but simp for fictional characters because this is exactly what it is! yay!

Okay where to start? Ah yes, my rediscovery of simping for The Onceler. To be honest, I have no idea what came over me. At first I said I had simped for The Onceler as a joke, making a main OC of mine crave for him and all of a sudden, I just decided to dig deeper into the lad and find ancient relics back in 2012. I ended up rewatching 'how bad can i be', rewatching clips from the lorax, watching that one video on youtube where they just took all the shots of him and started to obsess over him.

I got really invested into his whole 'greed and pride arc' thing and seeing so many people also breaking down his story and again, binge-watching content on him, I ended up getting extremely invested into him which lead to me rediscovering The Onceler fandom.

Back in 2020-2021, I already knew of the fandom's existence, it's uprising all of a sudden and I did sort of participate in it but in private. I made an OC to ship him with and did genuine stuff with it but then I lost interest in the span of a month. However, I only really got to see the 'newer fandom and not actually delve deeply into the lore or the fandom for that matter. I only really liked him because he was cute and I saw other people liking him and decided "Hey, it's popular!" so I went along with it.

Now, I'm back and I'm now watching detailed analyses of the fandom, revisiting tumblr just for content on the guy and seeking content of him because i'm so invested into this now. Looking back onto all the old stuff, how people said the fandom was going crazy shipping The Onceler with himself kinda made me feel warm? Familar? Idk how to describe the feeling, I was 3 in 2012 so I didn't really get to experience it's prime but now that i'm rediscovering it, I've realised it must've been super fun. The askblogs, the roleplay's, the AU's, it all seems so fun and I wish I could've been a part of it.

I wondered why I was feeling so attached to something that happened such a long time ago, that happened while I wasn't aware of what the internet even was back then and there comes my existential crisis in the shower. I feel alone-ish, I feel attached to The Onceler because it was something people enjoyed, it's something I was familiar with and that I could've bonded with people about, it just felt like a bunch of teens being teens. I wanted to experience that, it kinda makes me emotional because a lot of people said they had fun, it was fun.

I think the reason that i'm getting so attached to things that were so long ago is also due to the fact that I to felt a sense of nostalgia and belonging, and I know this is THE ONCELER FANDOM but damn. I guess I just really miss the when people went bonkers with anything and could do whatever they wanted on the internet. Kinda probably also has ties to the fact I was (and kinda are) in the Undertale AU fandom (not comparing fandoms i hope).

I'm sorry for making this so gosh darn long and speaking of The Onceler fandom as if it was some era in history when in reality it was just a couple of years ago lol, just wanted to say what I had in mind. Seeing Onceler fanart and stuff about him being posted really makes me happy, thank you <3

Sorry if this seems kinda weird or offensive if it does :')

[fa-by]

warning this is big. just to clarify. i’m not a hater nor a shipper. i just happen to be a part of this fandom for a very long time, and i luckily witnessed many stuff back in the 5H days. i came across one of your posts about the laucy storyline and how it’s supposed to be a fake relationship and i can’t help but thinking, why do you skip so many parts of the story? like i get that y’all have certain opinions about this thing being a coverage for camila and lauren’s relationship but why do you skip so many important details which could validate lauren’s feelings towards lucy? just to be a little more specific back in 2015 when lucy reunited with lauren after the incident, before the rumors of their relationship even started, i remember lauren reblogging many shit on tumblr about long distance relationships and how distance means nothing if you truly love someone. of course at that time when laucy as a ship wasn’t even a thing, camren shippers obviously connected these posts to camila but now that we know the story as told by lauren it makes sense that most of these reblogs were about lucy since they were rarely together due to lauren moving around all the time. thus i don’t know if you remember but again in 2015 there was this girl who went to the same school as lucy and admitted that lauren and lucy used to date in middle school, also i think around that time someone posted that photo of lauren and lucy in sociology class if i’m not mistaken . and mind you that all these were before all these laucy rumors gained attention. it was mostly curiosity that led all these lauren girls and camren shippers to find out more about lucy and what part she played in lauren’s life. now with all this added information to your timeline, my question to you is what could possibly stop lauren and lucy from having a fling from 7th grade to lucy’s moving in 2012? i mean lauren might’ve said that she fell in love with her best friend at 15 but she also said that she had an on and off relationship with her for years and many hookups until she finally came to terms with her feelings. so what doesn’t fit here? lauren and lucy could’ve started messing around at 12 until 15 years old and only when lucy left for puerto rico lauren realised she had feelings for her. oh and also i don’t know why you guys keep pushing that narrative but lauren and camila were not best friends in 2012, maybe they did later on but certainly not in 2012. sure they became really close due to x factor but it is impossible for them to become best friends over a few months of knowing each other, like do you guys meet someone and immediately call them your best friend after only a few months of knowing each other? how can you put so much trust in someone over four or five months of knowing them in order to call them your best friend? even lauren herself referred to camila as a very good friend of hers, not best friend. my point is, lauren and lucy had an actual background whilst camila and lauren didn’t, which is why i do believe that lauren had an actual relationship with lucy. and one more thing, maybe i don’t believe that camila was romantically involved with lauren but that doesn’t mean i think she’s straight. hell no. lastly i didn’t come here with the intention to change your opinion about camila and lauren’s relationship, but i did want to remind shippers some things they tend to ignore just to validate a ship which in my opinion is non existent.

I had already answered this ask up here with this post https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/655883320751702016/for-the-anon-lucy-shipper-who-sent-me-that-long, but whoever sent it to me wasn't satisfied with the answer and sent me another one (which you'll find later in this post). Now I'm speaking directly to you, Anon.

So, let's start with the first one. Let's go in order piece by piece since in the second ask you said that I didn't answer any of your arguments:

- “I'm not a hater nor a shipper” You're not a hater nor a shipper, yet you're here in my blog, a CS blog, to talk and to not so low-key support Laucy. That's why I mentioned you in that way in my last post.

- “why do you skip so many parts of the story?” As I mentioned in the last post, I didn't skip anything important.

- “y'all have certain opinions”. We CS? Why do you first speak in the plural and then only speak to me if you're only talking to me in the first place? I hope that now that I've pointed this out to you, you've realized how that y’all sounds, not a hater nor a shipper Anon.

- “i remember lauren reblogging many shit on tumblr about long distance relationships and how distance means nothing if you truly love someone. of course at that time when laucy as a ship wasn’t even a thing, camren shippers obviously connected these posts to camila but now that we know the story as told by lauren it makes sense that most of these reblogs were about lucy since they were rarely together due to lauren moving around all the time” /// “Now that we know the story as told by Lauren”. Exactly. As told by Lauren, aka the fake story they've been trying to get her to sell for years. Story for a cover. Story full of flaws that don't add up and will never add up in the stories they're gonna declare. Story that precisely for this reason, is and will be modified more and more in order to adapt perfectly to the Camren one to explain and give a sense also of the songs. Story proven over and over again to be PR with real proofs. If you want to believe those reblogs were for Lucy, it's your choice, Anon. I'm certainly not gonna tell you that you can't believe in what you want. Everyone is free to believe in what they want and have their own opinion.

- “thus i don’t know if you remember but again in 2015 there was this girl who went to the same school as lucy and admitted that lauren and lucy used to date in middle school”. So let me get this straight, you just happen to be a part of this fandom for a very long time, and you luckily witnessed many stuff back in the 5H days but you don't know how many people have invented things to get attention and how many others got involved for distribute bullshit for the narrative? You say you were there, and you don't know that this was part of the rumors (not only on L, but also on C and the other girls) that were proven wrong so much so that this information was also removed from the internet? And you say you were there? But more importantly, you prefer to believe something you read (which was even debunked) without a shred of proof just because it validates what you believe? You prefer believing a person who said she knew them just for the attention and who didn't even live in Miami? Ahh. Okay then. It's your choice. But what about what someone who really was in Lauren's circle said? Someone who really knew them and went to school with them (and who, to me, didn't act like a friend in that case)?

You didn't believe her, did you? Of course not. Because it didn't validate what you believe in.

- “also i think around that time someone posted that photo of lauren and lucy in sociology class if i’m not mistaken . and mind you that all these were before all these laucy rumors gained attention”. Regarding the picture, I already proven to you in the last post that it was exactly to get attention and that it was during the PR.

- “Now with all this added information”. I'm sorry, what information? You mean the things I've proven to you to be false or you mean your opinions which are just opinions that actually prove nothing?

- “my question to you is what could possibly stop lauren and lucy from having a fling from 7th grade to lucy’s moving in 2012?”. Oh, let's see. Maybe the fact that she was still young and only in middle school started to realize that she liked girls, but she understood it 100% only later during high school? [If you read my post like you say you did, then you know how I think it really went between them. And this connects to that] Maybe the fact that having gone to those kinds of Catholic schools and having a believing family, she had: “I had homophobia deeply ingrained into my system”? Maybe the fact that “The girls in my social realm, if they even thought you were gay, you were ridiculed beyond belief”? Maybe the fact of how she was mocked at school because she was too confident, too sincere, and too honest, and people didn't like that and therefore that was one of the reasons why she thought there was something wrong with her and that she had to suppress ​this part of herself because she really wanted to integrate so much? Maybe the fact that one of her irrational fears still today is what other people think of her? Maybe the fact that she's always been a people pleaser and wanted people to like her because she couldn't accept that people despised her? Maybe the fact that wanting to adapt and consequently having to suppress herself, obviously also included her being queer? Maybe the fact that she didn't want to be a disappointment to her family, friends, acquaintances at school, and even God since she'd been inculcated with these ideas of not being a sinner and an abomination since she was a child? Not to mention that “from 7th grade” is impossible because Lauren hadn't even given her first kiss yet.

I hope you know that these are not my opinions or theories but words that came out of her mouth on more than one occasion. Although I don’t know if that’s validated enough for you. I mean, I'm still a little bit confused, you know? I’m still trying to figure out because, apparently, your opinions count as proofs and are validated for you, but the actual proofs aren't, right?

- “i mean lauren might’ve said that she fell in love with her best friend at 15 but she also said that she had an on and off relationship with her for years and many hookups until she finally came to terms with her feelings. so what doesn’t fit here?”. Oh, let's see. Everything she said about her that doesn't match her at all but that does match Camila? Even just the fact that she said how much she loved the part of Lucy that was so confident about who she really was when Lucy herself even lately said the exact opposite by automatically debunking everything Lauren said. Or the simple fact that Laur said she'd been in love with her all those years but broke up with her only a little over a month after they were official to get together with Ty. I mean, what?? Who does something like that if they were truly in love?

I've already explained this, but I will repeat it. How can you have been in love with someone for so many years, broke up with them because they were a toxic person, and immediately get together with an even more toxic person without having the proper time to heal? Without taking the time for yourself to lick your wounds, grow up, be ready again to throw yourself out there, and eventually find a better person to be in a relationship with? How? Simple. Because they were both fake relationships. The timing they wanted to tell is not credible. None of what they've said is believable, and luckily, there's also enough evidence to prove it so these are not opinions and theories.

Not to mention that Lucy had two relationships during and after her PR with Laur (2016 Sarah Scott Narcise, before dating Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017).

So, yes, Anon. You asked a super right question. “so what doesn't fit here?”. Lucy. Lucy is the one that doesn't fit here. Lucy is the answer. Laur is still obliged to make people believe that Lucy is the ONLY girl she's ever been in love with. Period. Without ifs and buts. It's up to you and anyone else to try to see the truth behind the lies they're forced to sell.

- “lauren and lucy could’ve started messing around at 12 until 15 years old”. Again. Impossible since she was 12, and for me, so just my opinion, not after meeting Camila. And certainly not from 2015 onwards because it was just for PR and there are actual proofs. Whether you want to believe it or not.

- “oh and also i don’t know why you guys keep pushing that narrative but lauren and camila were not best friends in 2012, maybe they did later on but certainly not in 2012. sure they became really close due to x factor but it is impossible for them to become best friends over a few months of knowing each other, like do you guys meet someone and immediately call them your best friend after only a few months of knowing each other? how can you put so much trust in someone over four or five months of knowing them in order to call them your best friend?” Again with the plural, Anon? They were always attached to each other hip, and not only during the X-Factor interviews and the episodes of the program itself, they were also outside of it. They were very but very often at each other's home. Their parents hanged out, with or without them. The two of them, DNA, and anyone who knew them, always said how quickly they became friends from the boot camp also thanks to the fact that they lived in the same city. There are billions of proofs around out there. And then, I'm sorry. I don't know your age and I don't know you, Anon, but I think you remember what it was like at that age. It's so much easier to become friends with someone and become attached to them precisely because you are that young.

And you forget one fundamental thing. You forget how different it was for them. You forget how they were five teenage girls basically alone against the world (despite their parents trying to be as present as possible) and how this made them even closer together. Not to mention that the two of them were the ones who had the most things in common and that this brought them even closer; not just Miami.

Your topic doesn't apply in this case, both because of their age and because of their particular circumstances. I would've been super in agreement with you if we were talking about two people who have just met in a more adult age and not in the middle of adolescence, and under more normal circumstances especially.

- “even lauren herself referred to camila as a very good friend of hers, not best friend”. Please tell me you didn’t actually mention something that came out of Laur’s lips about Mila and Lucy during that podcast? Please tell me you understood that she had to play a part? …at this point, I don't really know whether to laugh or be worried… You believe in Laucy and not in Camren because it makes more sense to you, okay. It's your choice. But please, tell me you can tell the difference between maneuvered Laur and genuine Laur? ……… You have to learn to recognize when she's following a script, Anon. I'm saying it for you. You're gonna need it, especially in the future.

- “maybe i don’t believe that camila was romantically involved with lauren but that doesn’t mean i think she’s straight. hell no”. We agree on something at least.

- “lastly i didn’t come here with the intention to change your opinion about camila and lauren’s relationship, but i did want to remind shippers some things they tend to ignore just to validate a ship which in my opinion is non existent” /// “i didn’t come here with the intention to change your opinion about camila and lauren’s relationship”. That's exactly what it looks like actually. Especially for someone who pointed out “I'm not a hater nor a shipper” as the first thing. How generous and thoughtful of you, not Laucy shipper, to come to a CS blog for wanting to try to remind us things already explained and proven just to validate a ship which in your opinion was more existent than Camren.

- “i did want to remind shippers some things they tend to ignore”. And you seem to want to ignore all the proofs there are there just because, and I quote what my girlfriend told me when I made her read your first ask: “as with the showmila shitshow, it's easier to believe it because everything is prepared to point people in that direction”. *Love u and your brain, mi amor 😍🥰😘*

Let's move on to the second ask now, shall we? Step by step again.

- “hey i was waiting for your reply. 1st of all as i said when i sent you that ask, i’m not a shipper lol. i couldn’t care less about ships”. You keep saying that you're not a shipper, but you do act like one and you're here again. You couldn’t care less about ships, but you're here! In a Camren Shipper blog! By reading posts about something you couldn't care less about. By sending asks about something you couldn't care less about, and even waiting for a reply. You don't see anything ironic or, I don't know, contradictory here?

- “i only want my fav to be happy with whoever the fuck she wants. idgaf if that person is camila or lucy or whoever”. You only want your fav to be happy with whoever the fuck she wants and you don’t give a fuck if that person is Camila or Lucy or.. Kris? No, wait. Ty? Is Ty okay? And what about Brad? Or maybe you’d prefer more fetuses? Luis? Keaton? Before all the PRs the fame? So, Paul (14/and just turned 15 years old)? Dominic (her first kiss at 13 in 8th grade)? Her first boyfriend for whom she was cyberbullied at the age of 11 in 6th grade by fake friends who created an entire Facebook page about her with pictures and calling her a slut just because she agreed to be his girlfriend? Or the kid she had a crush on in 4th grade in front of which she peed on herself and who, despite being obviously very embarrassing for her, became her little boyfriend the next day? I mean, I don't know the names of the last two, but they're okay, right? The important thing is that they're not Camila *Simon, is that you?* because you don't believe it, right? Oh no, wait. You said you couldn’t care less about ships. Shit, sorry. My bad.

- “but it really triggers me when you guys don’t value lauren’s words and boundaries”. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're here because we- No, wait. Because I- No, wait. This plural when you're actually talking to me confuses me because it gives me the feeling that you're not only attacking me, but all the rest of the CS as well when in reality you should know that we're all different. Plus, you're on my blog. But anyway. Let me try again. So you're here because I don't value Laur's words and boundaries? You mean the narrative's words and boundaries? And besides that, loving and respecting her both as an artist and above all as a person, and following her on social media without ever bothering her, never, not even with a single comment, makes me someone who doesn't value Laur's words and boundaries? ME? Me, who has ‘scolded’ all those who do it? Me, who always says to be respectful and to be kind and spread kindness at the end of almost all my posts? Me, who chose Tumblr on purpose because it's not like the other social networks at all? Me, who doesn't even want my posts to come out of here? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Ahh, okay.

Did you know that before some mutuals helped me with the situation, I was about to leave Tumblr precisely because that first post of mine ended up on Twitter? Did you know that I was pissed off because not only did they post it without permission, but because there was the link that led here (even though it was a mutual's blog) and my initial as a signature? Yeah, you read it right. It was only the initial of my name, yet, I didn't want and still don't want to be involved in any way publicly. You don't even know me, yet you dare to judge without knowing? Oh and, please. Don't come after by saying that you weren't referring to me and that you were just generalizing because even if it were true, I repeat, this is my blog and you're talking to me.

- “secondly i really don’t know why you didn’t post my ask like you did with everyone else and just chose to refer to me as a lucy shipper and proceeded to talk about what i said without context. and lastly i really don’t get what point you’re trying to prove with your post about my ask because you legit didn’t reply to any of my arguments” /// “i really don’t know why you didn’t post my ask like you did with everyone else”. Wanna know why? I did it because my very first post already answers the whole Laucy situation by itself. And above all, believe it or not, I did it for you. I did it to avoid all this. But you insisted, and now here we are.

Oh and, I explained why I called you Laucy shipper at the beginning of this post.

- “you simply corrected me on a random date of a photo i mentioned”. A random date, yeah, right. So random, that you wanted to use it as proof. A proof that, now that you know it's useless, you're diminishing it because you no longer need it to prove your point which, forgive me, what exactly is it? You know, with all the contradictions you said from the beginning, I got a little lost.

Why are you even here, Anon? Why are you so pressed for something you said you don't give a fuck about? Why send me two asks and insist so much on a ship you ‘don't give a fuck about’, but at the same time say that you’re not a shipper when you clearly are? Don't you see all the contradictions?

- “about your tunnel post i read it like a hundred times, it still doesn’t invalidate any of the points i made on my previous ask, it just contains a variety of dates which basically prove nothing about your ship being real”. You read it like a hundred times and despite this, you're telling me that proves nothing about my ship being real when the post wasn't even about Camren? Are you for real? Well, after all, you've read it like a hundred times and despite the proofs, you still believe that Laucy was real, so, what could I expect? But anyway. I already told you in the last post, but you evidently didn't understand, so I'll tell you again in a different way so maybe it's clearer. There is a light at the end of the tunnel is a post about Laucy's PR. It's not about or proves Camren like you said. It's a reminder I wrote after that podcast that's about and proves the bullshit they've said and will continue to say to make people believe their narrative.

You don't think Laur and Mila have ever been together? Okay. Amazing. But that's your opinion. You want to continue believing in Laucy? Great. Perfect even. But it's your choice. It doesn't concern me. Especially when there's real proofs around and not opinions. I thought it already was, but I hope it’s clearer now that I don’t care who you ship and who you don’t. “The world is beautiful because it's varied”, says a proverb of my country. You can come back here a hundred more times, but you won't change my mind, especially if you keep coming back here with just opinions and empty proofs. Oh and, of course, it's mutual. Nobody's pointing a gun to your head. As I've always said, everyone’s free to think what they want.

So, my rhetorical question now is, what purpose are you really here for, Anon? You justified yourself in the first ask by saying that you're not here to change our minds when it was exactly for that, and even though I answered you with that first post, you've come back once again. Why? What's the point? You saw that you failed in your intent and continued because you want some drama? Because you're bored? Because you wanted to start a discussion? Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not the kind of person who promotes this kind of things. I'm not a fan of attack and hate in all its forms. If I had been, I would've joined Twitter a lot of years ago. I, for real, don't give a fuck about all that shit.

Rhetorical question n°2: Have I or haven't I answered all your arguments now?

Have a good day wherever you are, not a hater nor a shipper Anon. For real, I'm not a petty person.

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

Hello, Stuck. Sorry, I don’t know your real name.

I wrote this long ass post to bring some light into the fandom and between the CSs, and I hope you can post it? I’m new in the Tumblr world, but not in the 5H fandom. I don’t quite know how it works yet and, for the moment, I only know your blog and those of @emisonme, @karlaswine, @sun-to-my-luna, @underthatimpression, and @mentesimploria because, in one way or another, you’re all connected to each other. I just wanted to tell you guys how much I appreciate every single one of you, the passion you have, and the hope you keep alive among those who, like me, love the girls. Also, the patience you guys have, especially against the haters, is admirable. I love the fact that you keep going. Because this is your sacred place, as it should be.

This is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. I’m what can be defined as a ‘silent fan’. I never commented on anything in the girls’ posts, not even on the fan accounts I follow. I don’t have Twitter. I have Facebook but it’s like I don’t have it because I don’t use it. I have Wattpad (obviously). I recently registered here on Tumblr, and I have Instagram. That’s what I use. It’s the only app along with YouTube that I use daily to keep up with the rest of the world. Especially the American part of the world. I’m Italian, but I speak American English well, and I apologize in advance if my lazy ass hasn’t noticed possible grammatical errors. I saw that a lot of you are into this stuff, so I thought I’d add it just because. I’m a Capricorn Sun, Cancer Moon, and Virgo rising.

I’m gonna turn 29 on December 22, and this is a BIG fuck off to all the people who have attacked you lately for your age. This is personal information that I give freely to make ignorant and small-minded people understand that, in this context especially, age is irrelevant. As you, little fucker who hides behind a computer to attack people just to feel stronger, have a life, we have it too. Like you, we have a life, a job, friends, etc. We also have passions. Passions that yes, my dear haters, also include shipping people. I don’t know why in your stupid brain we’re too old to ship people we love and to give opinions about it. I didn’t know it was something reserved only for those who still smell like mommy’s milk. But anyway…

I became aware of 5H existence just before summer 2015 thanks to ‘Worth It’. Being Italian, however, I had no idea who they were, and to be honest, I didn’t go searching for them. Randomly one day then, I ran into Camren on YouTube. I can’t remember which video I was watching, but I know for sure it was about ‘Heya/Brittana’ (Heather Morris and Naya Rivera/Brittany and Santana, my very first hard LGBT ship). And among the suggested videos, there they are. As ridiculous as it sounds, and although I liked them as soon as I saw them, I didn’t go searching for them. I did it when ‘Work from Home’ came out though. From there, I connected that they were the same ‘Worth It’ group and the same two girls I liked from those YouTube videos. I had officially become a fan. I was screwed. Screwed because, I’d officially entered one of the most messed up and yet most beautiful fandoms ever.

As I initially said, this is the very first time I’ve ever done anything like this. But after the recent events, seeing how many people gave up, it made me a little angry and gave me the strength to speak for the first time. I thought the first time would’ve been through the fanfiction I’ve been working on for over two years, but no. Lauren and her beautiful mouth had to terrorize, disappoint, panic, and make angry 80% of CS, thus fueling the hatred of all the other fandom towards us. So I decided to speak now. Maybe, just maybe, this very long ass post of mine is gonna help struggling CS. Maybe, just maybe, it’s gonna make them reason and bring them to their senses.

So. This, as I think you’ve understood, is about Lauren and what she said in the podcast. This is a reminder of the Laucy situation. These are things we already know and that I want to remind you of because apparently, my lovely fellows CS, either you have a short-term memory, or Lauren has the power to create amnesia in people’s minds and I knew nothing about it. Surely this power of hers didn’t work on me and a few others.

Oh and, before starting: 1) You may disagree with me. It’s normal to have different opinions. 2) You can search for information such as dates, easily on the internet. 3) I’m gonna use nicknames on PRs for fun. That doesn’t mean I hate them. I have my reasons for dislike each one of them as people, but I can assure you it has nothing to do with the fact that they were or are the Camren beards. An example to make you understand what I mean is Ty. I’m a huge Ari fan and I’ve been listening to ‘safety net’ non-stop for two days straight. I really dislike Ty as a person, but I separate the art from the artist.

Okay, that said, I can start.

Lauren said: “I knew I was queer because I fell in love with my best friend when I was like 15.” – “Her and I started to have a physical connection when I was 15.”

Lauren and Lucid Vivisectionist met when L moved to Carrollton in 7th grade. Lucille moved back to Puerto Rico in February 2012, returning to visit Miami occasionally (this explains the fetus pictures with Lucy and Camren at L’s house). In February 2012, Lauren was 15, Camila 14, and Lucy 16. And who did Lauren meet when she was 15? Oh yeah, Camila. C and L did the first phase of the audition, the ‘cattle call’, on May 1, 2012 in Greensboro, North Carolina. Audition where Camila took courage to speak at the (“Oh my God that girl is) literally so beautiful” girl from which she felt intimidated by starting that adorable brief conversation “Hi, I like your shirt”, “Thanks. I like your jacket” just before it was her turn to get in for her audition. In May 2012, Lauren and Camila were both 15 years old. Lauren and Camila saw each other again for the first time on July 25th, two months later, in Miami on the first day of boot camp, and it was Lauren herself who went to Camila: “You’re the Cuban girl!”. In July 2012, Lauren was 16 and Camila was 15.

Lauren said: “She came back into my life when I was 18. I was on tour and I was in my room in a hotel somewhere, and she called me.” Let me explain to you why I think this is true.

Lauren and Luxy reconnected with each other after Lucy’s car accident that took place on May 15, 2015. Lauren was really 18 in May 2015, and we can rule out The Reflection Tour dates because it started on February 27, 2015, and ended April 6, 2015. We can also rule out these other show dates that 5H did: April 11 in Jackson Township, New Jersey - April 13 at Live! with Kelly and Michael in New York - April 19 Lauren was at Coachella with Keana, Britt, and other friends - April 22 at the Worldwide Radio Summit in Hollywood - April 25 at Radio Disney Music Awards 2015 in Los Angeles - May 8 at Channel 93.3 Summer Kickoff 2015 in Chula Vista, San Diego - May 9 at Wango Tango 2015 in Carson, Los Angeles (May 9, rumors about Camila and Louis Tomlinson just because paparazzi believed they were together when Louis was actually together with Liam outside the Project Club L.A., and C who was at the club next door) - May 15 at KDWB Radio Show in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The rest of their program and possible date: May 16 at Kiss Concert 2015 in Mansfield, Massachusetts - May 19 at Dancing with the Stars in Los Angeles - May 30 at G-A-Y in London (rumors about Lauren and Louis Tomlinson this time, born because 5H went to Libertine nightclub with Louis and Niall) - May 31 at Britain’s Got More Talent in London - June 2 at Capital FM in Birmingham, England - June 5 at Good Morning Britain in London - June 6 at Capital FM Summertime Ball 2015 in London - June 12 at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii - June 14 at LA Pride 2015 - June 18 at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Los Angeles - June 20 at B96 Pepsi Summer Bash 2015 in Bridgeview, Illinois - June 23 at San Diego County Fair 2015 - 28 June at Show Of The Summer 2015 in Hershey, Pennsylvania - July 10 at Rockefeller Plaza in New York. July 15, 2015, beginning of Reflection: The Summer Tour.

June 27, 2015 Lauren turned 19, and do you guys remember the events of those days? Because I do.

On June 24, 2015, Lauren celebrated her birthday in advance at the famous sushi restaurant ‘Katsuya’. Among the guests were the girls, her mom Clara, some friends, including Jill (the same Jill/Jillian Gutowitz who worked with Zack Sang and who 5H met on April 22, 2015, at the Worldwide Radio Summit, which lasted for three days but they were present for two: 22 and 23. The same Jill who wrote the article for AfterEllen on January 25, 2016, about her experiences with women who denied their sexuality. Remember the story of Lauren Jordan, right?), and Noah Benardout (may he rest in peace). Still no Lucia, not even on the days when Lauren returned to Miami to celebrate with her family before resuming the program from the 28. As I already said, The Reflection Summer Tour began on July 15, 2015, and Lucy’s first public reappearance took place on one of the tour dates, that is, July 27 at Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

From that moment on, we saw Lucille appear on multiple occasions in hops through time. After the July 27th date, we saw her during the trip to Hawaii with Lauren and Keana in September, followed by the concert that the girls had on October 10 in the Bahamas, where they stayed with their families and friends for a few days. After the Bahamas, the mess happened between 5H because they found out about Camila’s departure from the group which initially should’ve been immediate, but for which they fought and gained another year. That, was also the time when Laucy signed their PR contract. As we know from Lauren herself, that was the worst and darkest time for her. That was the beginning of her numbness.

On October 23, they were on their way to Italy and Lauren wrote on her dark diary, the one shown to us in Episode 8 of her Attunements. On October 24, they arrived in Milan for the MTV Europe Music Awards 2015 occurred on October 25, and on October 28, in Madrid instead, there was the interview with Alyson Eckmann, the journalist Camila flirted with while Lauren was sitting right next to her.

Going forward, in November we have:

- Rumors about Lauren and Julius Dein (his friend who is a YouTube magician).

-The release of IKWYDLS including the rumors about Camila and Shawn and Michael Clifford (who was already in the picture) who were ‘vying for her’.

- Beginning of Lauren’s coming out plan which included: 1) The release of The Vamps’ album on November 23rd, that is, a week after the release of IKWYDLS, and which included the track ‘I Found A Girl’. Joe O'Neill, the manager of The Vamps, liked that famous tweet. Despite the efforts to make us believe that Bleahren (sorry for the Italian pun I made here, but ‘bleah’ in Italian is equivalent to the ‘eww’ to indicate something gross, and therefore Bleah-Ren) Brauren was real and that the girl involved was Lucille and not Camila, they’ve miscalculated since Lauren and Brad ‘dated’ in 2014 when Lucy had not yet returned into Lauren’s life. But since the album and consequently the song came out on November 23, 2015, they tried to manipulate people’s minds as usual. 2) Jill’s article that served to connect and more or less ‘confirm’ the story between this Jordan and her childhood friend, Lauren-Lucy.

- December: completion of the 7/27 album + Dina LaPolt’s entry + renegotiation of the contracts (mostly DNA’s contracts) + FIFTH HARMONY MUSIC, INC. created by LAND on December 21 to prepare for the transfer of the 5H trademark, the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP, of which they became owners from April 27, 2016 + change of management from Faculty Management: Jared Paul and Janelle Lopez, to Maverick Management: Larry Rudolph, Dan Dymtrow, and Tara Beikae. [All things that were possible ONLY THANKS to the exit of C from the group]

- January 2016, we have Lauren and Lucrezia who came back from Colombia to then taking a road trip for Lucy’s birthday week.

- Jill’s article came out and coincidentally, by pure chance, exactly two days later, on January 27, 2016, Camila and Dinah were hacked.

- On March 9, 2016, Lauren, Normani, Andrea, Dinah, and Keana went to pierce their ears, or rather, Laurmainah pierced their ears, mama Dre and Keana just accompanied them. During her turn, Lauren asked Keana to take her phone to make a video. In the meantime, Mani was filming Lauren, and again by pure chance, Keana, who was in the heart of the frame, took Lauren’s phone as she’d asked, and both the lock screen and the home screen portrayed a picture of Lucania during a photoshoot. Same picture Lucy herself posted on Instagram on April 10th to leave no doubt.

- April 24, 2016, Coachella together.

- Luciana went with 5H in London, in May, during the promotion of the 7/27 album. (+ Camren video of May 28, 2016)

- She was present during the start of the tour in South America on June 26th (in the evening during the concert, L danced Big Bad Wolf for her, but that’s not the famous video, that was on September 5) and 27th to celebrate L’s birthday together (picture of the 27th of them in Buenos Aires).

- June 27, 2016, on L’s birthday, Jill posted a picture with L from the birthday dinner of the year before, further confirming the story of ‘Jordan’.

- August 1, the national girlfriend day, L posted a picture of her and Lucy.

- From August 12 to 21, Lucy was with them. The night after the concert on the 13th in Rochester Hills, Michigan, videos in which Lucilla appeared during Lauren Fuller’s birthday celebration at the hotel for dinner. On the 14th in Noblesville, Indiana, during Gonna Get Better and Big Bad Wolf Lauren smiled in Lucy’s direction who was in the audience. On the 18th in Virginia Beach, Virginia, a fan met Laucy in a movie theater restroom, taking a selfie with Lauren (C posted a picture of her in the dark with the words of Bad Things “don’t think that I can explain it” the same night).

- On September 4 and 5 Lucippe returned. On the 5th in Houston, Texas, the famous ‘super HD’ video took place in which Lauren danced Big Bad Wolf for Lucy, even pointing to her during her verse. [On September 6, Midland, Texas, during the Q&A, Lauren wore the same dress that Lucy was wearing to the concert the night before, and at the same time, she sat next to C and got jealous when C complimented a fan by sending her flying kisses. Ahh… The irony]

Now. Let’s move on to the part of the podcast where Lauren explains about the kiss with Lucza at her uncle and aunt’s wedding, how her aunt “super innocently” posted the pictures on Facebook that her “unreal invasive fans” found and posted, how Perez Hilton outed her to the world by posting an article with those pictures, how she did nothing for a week, and that after thinking “Ok, it happened. People know. What am I gonna do?”, she wrote that letter against Trump as her own way of coming out.

On November 4, 2016, Lauren and Lucynda did the ‘famous’ photoshoot in New Orleans called ‘Bare With Me’. Lauren flew to NOLA right after Halloween, got back to Miami to vote, then returned to New Orleans on the 10th along with her family for the wedding. Lucianna was also with her on the 10th for the rehearsal/bowling with all of Lauren’s relatives. Meanwhile Orange Trumpeter was elected on the 8th, and many celebrities were preparing to write a letter through Billboard against him and his supporters. Labels and management saw it as a perfect opportunity to get her to come out also considering how much Lauren has always been vocal on the subject, and THEY contacted Billboard to get her to participate in exchange of the exclusive of her coming out. All that was missing was the evidence to make sure that there had been no connection with Camila, and that was the reason for the kiss at the wedding on the 11th.

On November 13, the wedding photographer posted those pictures on his website, including the one of the kiss. And I’m sorry, Lolo, I love you but, really? Who are you kidding? The pictures didn’t start spreading because her ‘unreal invasive fans’ found them on her aunt’s Facebook page where she’d posted them ‘super innocently’. The pictures started spreading after the photographer posted them! And you know what’s even more funny? That to see those pictures on the website, you needed an access password. So what are you saying here, Lo? That your ‘unreal invasive fans’ were so good, to even have hacked their way into the website for pictures they didn’t even know existed? It wasn’t your team, was it? Oh, okay. My bad.

Sarcasm aside. The pictures started to spread, Perez tweeted about it on the 14th, and in the meantime Lauren had time to write the letter that was approved by the labels and sent to Billboard (on the 14th), who approved it a couple of days after it was sent (on the 16th), and which they then published it in the article two days later (on the 18th). In all of this, on November 15, 2016, the girls all went to Epic’s party. Since we know very well that most of the cases of coming out as bisexual in the industry made by a female celebrity occur in succession with the connection with a guy, that night there was the PR proposal between Typo Dolour Signal and Lauren that he obviously accepted, and in fact, he was there that night at that party too (Picture of C with a tear mark on her cheek).

Now, the icing on the cake of the Laucy’s PR: Nicole Cartolano. Nicole is a friend of Lecy’s with whom she had already worked together and who also posted pictures of Lauren on November 17 and 22, 2016, one on December 31, 2016, together with Marian Hill taken backstage after Lauren’s performance with them on the 30th, the night before, for the Snow Globe Festival in South Lake Tahoe, California, and the one of Laucy (with the piñata) on January 10, taken the same night to celebrate Lucilia’s birthday at midnight and that Lauren also used to post it for wish her a happy birthday. That was the last public interaction between the two. *Slow entry of Tympans Dollhouse Signalized in the picture from January 4, 2017, thanks to that tweet*.

On January 21, 2017, Lauren and Lucy were at the same Women’s March, but separately (single), and we haven’t seen them together anymore. LuBYE. On March 22, 2017, both ‘Bare With Me’ and the interview article Nicole did with MTV News (she confirmed that Laucy had been together by having an on-again, off-again for years and also said a lot of other bullshit like the fact that the girls were nervous because they didn’t know how their parents would’ve responded) came out. On August 13, 2018, Nicole officially apologized to Lucy for being angry with her for posting the pictures and therefore for having outed her and for having taken part in the MTV interview without their permission. There was also the screenplay made by Nicole’s mom to make everything even more true.

Bullshit on bullshit on bullshit. Number 1, Lauren herself confirmed in this podcast that her parents knew about her, and said how much she loved Lucre’s ‘I’m out and proud’ part.

Number 2, Nicole posted a preview of the pictures on March 18, 2017, so if she really wanted to stop her before the publication on the 22nd, she would’ve had time to do so.

Number 3, Lucita came out publicly on her own with that Spanish post on Instagram on November 20, 2016, saying in summary that she was anything but straight because she didn’t want to label herself (she did it years later by saying she was a lesbian).

Number 4, as Lusia also confirmed in that post where Nicole’s mom left that comment, Nicole signed a non-disclosure agreement form. If she had actually violated it without having had a release and written consent form, she would’ve been sued.

Number 5, if Luciferase really wanted to have that conversation in private with Nicole’s mom, she might very well have done so. She could’ve contacted her and answered her IN PRIVATE for real, and not via IG where EVERYONE saw and took the side of poor, poor Luckless.

Number 6, the biggest proof that shows the hypocrisy of all this, Lucasta continued to work with Nicole. Their last work dates back to November 25, 2019.

Okaay, sure… sure, because it was normal for her to continue working with the person who outed her, wasn’t it? People’s lies never cease to amaze me. For that matter, Nicole also posted a picture of their ‘adventure’ as they made their way to the photoshoot location on November 1, 2017, and continued to wish them both a happy birthday with posts every year.

And lastly, on June 6, 2020, we have the Lucerne’s video leaked (+ old pictures and videos of 5H) where she burned pictures of Lauren and of the two of them together in 2017, accompanied by the tweets occurred two days later, in which she explained that she was hacked and that she burned the pictures for a closure. Then, exactly 20 days later, that is on June 26, 2020, the PAPER Magazine article of Lauren’s interview came out. What a coincidence! In that article, Lauren explained, along with other things, that she’d been in love with her best friend for 7 years.

Lauren, honey, the maths, the maths… If according to your words you fell in love with her at 15, got together with her at 18, and broken up at 20, how can these be 7 years? It’s 5 years… And as if it wasn’t enough, still according to your words, after 1 year and 8 months (from mid-May 2015 to mid-January 2017), 2 months of which public because of the wedding pictures, of the relationship you wanted at all costs, “all in” and “now we’re gonna be in this relationship”, you broke up with her because she was really toxic, and after less than a month, you started dating an even more toxic person without the proper time to heal?? How do you expect me to believe you? And I’m putting aside the fact that I know they’re both PR relationships. I’m speaking out of logic. How? How can I believe you? How does this make any sense?

Personally, yes, I believe Lauren and Lucy have a past. Lauren’s first kiss was when she was 13 (8th grade) with her boyfriend at the time, Dominic, but I think Lucy was her first kiss with a girl. And I think it happened when she was 15, but in 2011, so long before Lucy left. Lauren dated Paul Martinez from June 4, 2011, to the end of July (around 23/24). From after Paul, until her very first PR at X-Factor, Keaton Stromberg, she was single. I truly believe that before she met Camila, Lauren and Lucy did everything Lauren said. I really believe Lauren experimented with her in secret, but I don’t believe in anything else she said at all.

This is my opinion. And in my opinion, Lauren always knew she was queer, and Lucy was the first with whom she could experience the attraction and the feelings towards girls she had always felt and concealed deep inside herself. But they were friends. Just friends. Friends who messed around and experimented together in secret given the environment that surrounded them. Lucy then returned to live in Puerto Rico and they simply drifted apart because of the distance and Lauren’s busy schedule with 5H. When she came back into Lauren’s life, they rekindled their friendship. Just that. Also because, Camila, hello? Camila entered Lauren’s heart the same year Lucy left and never get out of it. Not to mention that Lucy had a girlfriend, Sarah Scott Narcise, before getting together with Nicole Marie Rendón in March 2017. I honestly think that Lucy was also giving advice to Lauren about her relationship with Camila, and I also think that now they really aren’t friends anymore for something we don’t know about, even though I have my theories… But anyway. Lauren needed a beard to be able to come out, Lucy needed visibility for her modeling career and, at the time, also for her music which, however, never saw the light of day. The labels approved because they would’ve done anything to keep their chosen one out of the gay light. Camila also approved. Boom, PR.

I don’t believe all the other bullshit she said during the podcast. Because if they’d been true, they would’ve made logical sense. A sense they’ve been trying, and failing, to give for years. If Lauren really didn’t want to come out, she wouldn’t have done a photoshoot with Lucy a week before the wedding with the intention of using that same photoshoot to come out. She would not have kissed Lucy in a public place during the wedding pictures in front of a professional photographer hired for the event, knowing full well that those pictures would eventually have been published by the bride and groom, her aunt and uncle, and the photographer himself. If she wanted so badly a picture of her kissing her girlfriend, drunk or not, she would’ve taken her fucking phone and take selfies. It wasn’t the fans’ or Perez’s fault. It was the management that was following the plan.

And I’m supposed to, what exactly? Forget all these things, things that have been proofed multiple times in the past, because Lauren, or Camila, or management, or labels, or their contracts, must continue with their stupid narrative? Because Camila must continue to look straight and continue to look in love with Shalt Menstruated because the señorito is about to release his documentary and his album? Because Camila’s movie is about to come out? Because Lauren’s own album is about to be released and because the subject matter of her female-pronounced songs must only and exclusively be related to Lucy? (Although I think her album will be out next year. I think a song with female pronunciation is coming out soon. And no, I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s Burning)

Guys, come on…

Think about it. She used Lucy as a shield to tell part of her story with Camila that happened in 2014. It all fits. Even the story told through songs from Camila’s cocky POV, including ‘Like Friends Do’, ‘Eyes on You’, ‘Cleopatra’, ‘Leave for Good’, and a couple from her last album like ‘Should’ve Said It’ and ‘Feel It Twice’.

I understand why many of you have been hurt by this podcast and by Lauren herself. I understand why a lot of you are angry about the things she said. I see you, I understand, I really do. And everyone is free to feel whatever they want, I’m not saying otherwise. But I really don’t understand why you’re hiding or why you’re abandoning the ship. Authors who don’t wanna write anymore. Accounts closed. Names changed. Hope lost. This, all this, makes me angry and hurt. Because you fell for it. And you know why you fell for it? Because Lauren changed her approach. Leaving aside the part just before when she said: “Even when I talk about it, and I don’t talk about it because I’ve learned to just ignore it because-” and there, I swear I had to pause because I burst out laughing, and I was like: “Bitch, you’re the one who pulled this out of your ass out of nowhere right this second, what are you saying?”. She went on by saying, and she knows us so well because of this: “I just chose to ignore it at a certain point because getting angry to them would it mean that it was real and validate it more for them”.

And it’s true. This non-angry approach of hers, worked like a charm. Lauren’s older, she’s more mature than before. Although she was very nervous, she managed to explain everything calmly. The fact that she was emotional and almost cried in many parts, it really gave an extra boost to what she tried to sell. And I’m not saying she faked almost crying. Hell, no. That was super true and hard for her. I’m saying though, that it’s really easy to manipulate people’s minds, and Lauren used her real pain, the real suffering she has gone through over the years to tell this charade. That’s why it seemed so real. And I’m supposed to fall for that shit just because that’s what they’ve wanted for years, right? Convenient much?

Guys, please. You’re smarter than that, use those beautiful brains. For example, the fact that Lauren said: “I was queer, but she was not”, wrong as you want it to be, and “Camila and I were just really good friends at that time”, yeah, sure, Jan. Doesn’t the very fact that she used the past tense make you realize that it was done to completely detach herself from her IN THE PRESENT? Everything she said was for something. Everything had a purpose. And the goal is always the same. Make us stop shipping ‘em. Putting a label on C only served the Shoestoremila purpose, nothing else. And those were words that came out of the mouth of the one who says she doesn’t like labeling people. The same one who was pissed that someone had outed her before she wanted to. Do you really think she’s that hypocritical?

The fact that she put all the CS in the same box, especially when she talked about the Daddy situation, WAS DONE ON PURPOSE. She couldn’t fail to generalize because their purpose is, and will be for a long time to come, to kill Camren. That means the whole fandom. Not just invasive elements. But really all the CS. The purpose was to make us feel guilty. The purpose is to make us accept that it was never real, and since we care about them, to make us continue to support them individually and not as a couple, even though she knows that the real CS do it regardless. This, is called manipulation, guys.

Think about everything else too. The inconsistency. The holes in her story. The lack of explanations. And the fact that during the story of how it all happened, she jumped from one theme to another and therefore managed to deflect and not completely finish one before moving on to the other, doesn’t it make you understand that she didn’t want to give too many details? And when does that usually happen? She knew we’d analyze her. She knew she couldn’t say too much. When she talked about Lucy, she knew that WE know she was talking about Camila, and with too many details, it would also have been obvious to the others because WE would’ve pointed it out to everyone. I mean, it’s obvious enough in itself, imagine if she’d fed us more information that we would’ve compared in the timeline.

Please, guys. I know that it feels like something’s changed, but it’s not. It’s really not. I’m appealing to all of you. Open your eyes. Reason. I know many of you still have conflicting emotions and feelings, and that’s okay. If you’re still upset, if you still wanna cry, then cry. Do whatever helps you feel better because, especially after the haters have come to bite your asses, you’re entitled to feel the way you do. But please, please, don’t give up. If you give up, you just play their game. You just do them a favor. You guys had invested so much of your time, so much of your passion, so much of yourselves to just, give up. Think of all we’ve been through, especially those who’ve been in the fandom for years. Think about how happy Camren makes you. They were there for you when you needed them. When you were going through hard times. I know they’ve helped a lotta people.

And think about this too. Lauren herself said at the beginning of the podcast: “The news and the media are constantly spinning narratives for your clicks so they can make money”. And what do you think this podcast was for? It’s always the same shit. Have you not noticed how the very same news and media have ALL talked about them? Didn’t you notice how My Oh My magically returned into the charts? How 50ft surpassed the 9 million streams on Spotify? And you still have doubts?

This is instead for the CS who get often angry about their actions. I personally think it’s pointless to blame Lauren and Camila for every single thing they do that has been PLANNED for them. Especially Camila as far as Shonas is concerned. There’s a pattern here too. Lauren had her light PR with Lucia. Lauren then had her heavy PR with Typic Dole Sight while Camila had a light one with Eatchu. And now Camila’s having a heavy one. C’s one is heavier simply because they’re much more famous than PRen (Tyren) were. So, guys, be patient. There’s really no point in getting angry and blaming them. It’s a waste of energy. It’s useless to blame them if they’re gonna continue to do so over the years to come. They’re just still trying to get past their original contracts and survive in the industry at the same time. Sooner or later, I HOPE, they will be free to tell the truth or the truth will come out on its own.

Well, I’m done. Jeez, that was long, wasn’t it? But I hope it was worth it. I hope I’ve cleared your heads a little bit and instilled some hope again. I also hope I made you smile with all those nicknames and my sarcasm. I especially hope that wherever you are, you’re having a good day, and if not, then I hope it has improved at least a little bit with this post. And thank you so much, Stuck. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to use my voice for the first time publicly/virtually. You, above all, keep on being one of the lights and NEVER let them turn you off. I love you guys. Stay safe. Stay strong. Stay patient. With love, F.

I leave you with these two pearls:

Number 1. Lauren said something else too. She said: “Don’t trust me. Go research. Go look this shit up yourself”. I know she said it for a completely different context, but I found it really funny given the situation.

Number 2. This is a small scene that automatically created itself in my head as soon as I finished listening to Wonder. I titled it: The sad and short story of the making of ‘Wonder’.

Enjoy:

*on the phone*

Shawl Mendicant: “Hey, buddy. I know you were a huge Fifth Harmony fan and I know you love my fake girlfriend, so I was thinking… could you help me? You know, I need her to stay relevant, but to do that, I also need to release music and completely take all the credit from other people because, you know, the most I do is change a sentence or two in my style to make people think that I wrote all my songs.”

Sam Smith: “………okay?”

Shawnita Menorrhagia: “So, I was wondering, can I copy your homework? You can totally refuse if you want to, but I’m hoping to appeal to the love you have for 5H and Camila, and maybe help a friend out?”

Sam Smith: “Yeah, sure, you can copy my homework. Anything for my girls. Just, change it up a bit so it doesn’t sound too obvious you just copied it.”

Shonas Mended: “Don’t worry. I’ve got this. Thanks, man.” - *ends the call*

Sam Smith looking at the phone with an incredulous expression and one hand over his heart: “I came out as a non-binary, you insensitive asshole!”

Shoes Mentionable from the other room: “Cameeela! He said yes!” *reaching then Camila and Lauren in the living room where Lauren is lying with her head resting on Camila’s legs who’s running her fingers through her hair with one hand and holding the book that she’s reading with the other one* “You were right, all I had to do was mention you girls.”

Lauren chuckling and continuing to pet Cleo who’s lying at the foot of the couch with one hand: “Told you”, to then adding: “And please, I know you’re excited because of the news but keep your voice down”, continuing to caress Sofi’s head who’s sleeping on top of her with the other one.

Shapeless Mentality: “Oh, sorry.”

Camila without looking away from her book: “Sam’s really nice. I’m sure they would’ve said yes even without the need of mentioning us.”

Lauren: “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that, babe. Yes, they’re very nice, but we’re powerful in their minds, so it was an added incentive for them to say yes.”

Shaved Mentholated: “Who are they? Weren’t we talking about Sam?”

Camila who was giggling at her girlfriend’s words:

Lauren:

Sinu from the kitchen:

Cleo who was nibbling her toy:

Even Thunder, Leo, and Eugene from outside into the yard:

*the end*

Chon Mendable: ‘Wonder’ - Sam Smith: ‘One Last Song’

____

OMG I am speechless. I’m really still digesting this whole story because it’s amazing but I wanted to start by saying hello to you and telling you my name, my name is Marite. It is a pleasure to meet you dear friend. I don’t want to write too much because your words are much more important than mine but I wanted to thank you for trusting me and my blog to tell me your story. That side of the story that, being new and not having been a harmonizer from the beginning, I never learned. I intended to ask for more information about Laucy’s Timeline but what you have told is a gem. A gem that shows that the bastards of the industry cannot fool the fans because we pay attention to everything and it is not easy for us to fall for their shit. I think the power we fans have is so great that if we all came together, we could bring down this whole fucking fake empire that they have created. That said, Laucy’s story is surprising. As planned and how each person involved had to do their part on the chessboard. Incredible. Now that you tell me that story, I think it fits the one I wrote in my once upon a time post. Sure, yours is true and has everything that mine doesn’t. I have tried to keep this blog open for all who wish to come and air their ideas, their thoughts, their tea. And you dear friend, you have been one of the best so far. You’ve given us that support that the fandom so badly needed and I really appreciate it. I also appreciate your humor, the nicknames have been so hilarious and I’m still laughing. Thank you for daring to tell this part of the story and reopen the can of worms of a PR that right now resurfaces with that Lauren interview. With a purpose, it’s true. And something tells me that we will see much more very soon. Thank you for your support, my friend. And you know, you have my blog at your disposal for whatever you need. And if you need to talk or anything else. I greatly appreciate that we can continue to keep this ship afloat among ourselves. Among a group of intelligent people who have been hurt by someone we have always loved very much even though we know the reason for all that. We can’t give up now because if we do it like you say they will win and I personally don’t plan to indulge them in that. Thank you very much for all dear friend and I hope you have a nice day. I send you a hug and I hope you stay safe.

[fromtheplanethexagon]

the robot problem: a critical look at tobecky, 5 years late

hello wordgirl fandom i am back :) and i have a lot of thoughts that i never got around to expressing before i moved on from the show. so be aware that everything i'm saying is based on my experiences during the 2012-2016 era of the fandom & state of tumblr in general, and i am not familiar with more recent fan content.

it's been over five years since the show ended, and @ifbrd​ reminded me (along with some great analysis) that while tobecky was super popular since before the show technically started (thanks to the play date shorts), it's pretty unhealthy in a lot of ways that tend to be excused or flat out ignored in fanworks. i'd like to reflect on that a bit (a lot); specifically, how both the show and the fandom approached this enemies-to-lovers ship, and how easily this ship can slip into uncomfortable territory if we're careless about how we interpret the ship and create fan content of it.

i will admit, i'm mostly writing this as a response to past me and my old creations - though i moved on from the show as a whole years ago, i do like taking the time to reflect on old interests once in a while, and reevaluating my thoughts on them. and this ship is probably the biggest one that still lurks in the corners of my mind once in a while, so let's go.

cherish is the word: a short positive note before a much longer negative one

i wanted to start this essay off with some positivity, because i am going to be very negative after this. tobecky was, in some ways, cute. it's obvious from the very beginning that these two characters are on pretty equal ground, even if one of them isn't aware of it. and that's part of the fun - the irony of how unaware tobey is that his nemesis/crush/person that pretty much always wins against him is someone that he completely dismisses as incompetent. i want to point this out because honestly, in general i don't like enemies-to-lovers because a lot of them use a power imbalance within the dynamic, and i hate power imbalances, especially when it comes to actual life-or-death scenarios (at least, as much as cartoons can do that). in most episodes, becky is never actually forced to go along with his wishes. she's not held in a 'date' against her will, nor is she ever really outwitted by him. i bring this up because there is one huge, uncomfortable exception, which i will get to later.

another big plus to the ship is the fact that they just... get along? even when fighting? of course we get brief moments where they just hang out and talk about paintings or whatever, but i'm talking about how much they get each other, even if they don't realize it. like the word banter, for example. been there since day one. becky loves words, and while most other people in her life don't really care (ranging from 'eh, that's cool i guess' to her brother calling it annoying), tobey gives her a chance to show off and thus treats her as a worthy adversary as herself, not because of her more generic superpowers - something that we've seen in canon that she feels self-conscious about (see: her motivation in patch game). one of the less noticed examples, to me, is "it's your party and i'll cry if I want to", because it's just - okay. they both are excluded from a social event, and while it's obvious that tobey deals with it by destroying the city, it's also pretty obvious that becky also deals with her frustration by fighting in that battle. like, yes, realistically it's just objectively bad that he's destroying buildings. but they're also providing each other with a way to work through their frustrations, first by fighting and then by talking things out, and finally by hanging out together instead of dwelling on being excluded from the party.

so it makes a lot of sense to me that many tobecky fans gravitated towards writing far-in-the-future fic, usually by implying that some growth had taken place before starting to write the ship. (there are, as far as i'm aware, 2... maybe 3 exceptions, that take the time to attempt a real redemption for him, at least when i left the fandom.) because if you take away his worst moments, either by reasoning out that he was 10 years old and a mess, or that he was a cartoon character in a cartoon world where everyone's actions are over-the-top, or by just flat-out pretending that certain episodes never happened, there's some pretty solid ground to start a ship on.

go gadget go: we all do not see it, we simply close our eyes (review of canon)

when the show began, i was the same age as the characters. a lot of other people were, too - at least in my cohort of the fandom. i think it's pretty safe to say that many of us have fond memories of the show's earlier seasons, and held on to that interest as we got older, for whatever reasons. so like, not to be all 'as an OG fan...', but i remember seeing the shorts air for the first time in 2006. i have a diary entry in july of 2009 about how i, a 12yo with no concept of the idea of 'shipping', was disappointed in the new tobey episode because i wanted more tobecky interactions. (that was robo-camping, btw, lol.) and so i remember how exciting their rivalry felt, watching them as someone literally their exact same age, and then watching that again as a nostalgic 17yo, and then uh... growing up, to put it frankly, and realizing just how unhealthy most of their interactions were.

okay what i meant to say was, this section is an overview of the relationship's canon portrayal throughout the years.

first, we have early tobecky: this includes the shorts and the first few seasons. this is their classic relationship: he likes her and takes robots on rampages to get her attention, she majorly disapproves and has fun taking him down. we've all seen the show, you know what i'm talking about. his backhanded ways of trying to find out her identity often feature prominently in the episodes, which - sigh, i've mentioned this whole issue before, but it's kind of a grey area in the whole uncomfortable-factor thing, because while trying to find out her identity is VERY invasive, it's something that like... everyone in the show tries to do, even her canon crush (scoops). on the one hand, it's really not a great look, but on the other hand, this is a cartoon meant to parody a genre in which this trope is extremely common. so i just wanna say that i have Issues and Thoughts on this aspect of their relationship, but there are other things i find more important to discuss here.

second, we have late tobecky: this is seasons 7-8. this is... a very strange and huge shift from the previous dynamic, though it's not necessarily obvious. what i mean by that is that for some reason, the show writers made it so that half of tobey’s rampages have nothing to do with his crush on wordgirl, even though that used to be the sole reason for his villainy. seriously. we have the birthday episode, where he's upset because he feels left out; wg vs tobey vs the dentist, where he's mad that he has a cavity; and trustworthy tobey, where his robot goes on a rampage... after becky accidentally makes it malfunction. the two outliers are ‘guess who’s coming to thanksgiving dinner’ and ‘patch game’, but they still differ from previous seasons because 1) his destruction is isolated to a forest far away from the city, and 2) his motive is still to impress wordgirl, but his methods are relatively tame. also he completely gives up on the secret identity thing??? i may have missed some things but i think he straight up tells her 'yeah there's no way you're wordgirl, lol' and the subject is just dropped for the rest of the show.

i also want to include 'the robot problem' here, because it's one of two season 6 tobey episodes, and follows the 'doesn't destroy buildings to get her attention' pattern: in fact, he teams up with her to try and stop someone else from going on a rampage (even if his reasons are selfish, lol).

and finally. the other season 6 episode. we have go gadget go, the bane of my time spent in the fandom. because GGG is the single episode where tobey truly manages to take away her autonomy, and proceeds to abuse that power for an extended period of time, for his own amusement. it's bad. it's Very Bad. put in the context that it's a white boy doing this to an (ambiguously) brown girl, it's REALLY REALLY BAD. and the more i look back on it, tbh, the more weirded out i am that the show not only made it seem like she wasn't affected at all within the episode, it just... forgot about it (which is not unusual for shows and especially children’s shows, but WG does make some efforts to either retain continuity or create canon reasons for why things are forgotten about). it's the kind of thing that you can't excuse and honestly you can't redeem (like at this point, you gotta ask yourself why you're spending so much effort trying to redeem this guy when becky has several other possible ships that are nowhere near this unhealthy - violet, scoops, honestly even victoria if you want another hero/villain ship, my absolute fave rarepair rose, etc).

so if you want to still ship it you have to just pretend that it never happened. (i remember trying for weeks to write something exploring the aftermath of this episode, to try and make myself feel better about it, but the more i wrote the more i realized just how traumatic this event should've been, so i eventually just dropped it.) and i brought up my own timeline of experiences earlier to point out that this episode aired eight whole years after the show started. which means that when i saw it, even though i was a huge stickler for canon at the time, i'd built up my own idea of the show and characters strongly enough to go 'yeah, no, this episode sucks and i am going to pretend that it doesn't exist'. and i think a lot of other people did too, because i really saw like... no one mention it, ever, except for some rogue fanfics over on ff dot net that already liked dynamics like that.

because here's the thing, and i don't know if people nowadays are aware of it? but i'm 80% sure (cannot find a source, so the other 20% is that it was just a rumor) that the show was originally supposed to end after season 6. and even if it's a rumor, it makes a ton of sense, because we get 1) an 'ending' to tobecky, which is a bad one, 2) a permanent wordgirl identity reveal that significantly changes one of the major dynamics in the show, 3) an episode where TJ gets to work with wordgirl and get a nice potential ending for their sibling dynamic, 4) an episode where we see Two-Brains explore life without his henchmen... the list goes on, and idk how many of these are just major stretches. but the point is. if the show had ended there, that would've been a pretty solid ending for many things, including their relationship: aka, it would prove that it was only ever heading somewhere bad, and when tobey finally has his moment of triumph, he is truly evil about it. and this provides us fans who HATE go gadget go with an easy reason to dismiss it - we can say that it was an attempt to conclude things in a way that wouldn't have happened if the writers had known they'd get more time. but despite that... it is still a canon episode.

it is odd to me how dramatically the dynamic shifts after that, though, because we seriously go from 'worst case ever, tobecky is toxic, your ship is dead' to 'no actually they get along and hang out and get ice cream together and tobey isn't even pressuring her into it, she's happy to go along with it :)' like, immediately. i never knew much about the show writers, so i don't know if the writers changed in between these seasons, but i would absolutely not be surprised if they did.

the earlier episodes are definitely problematic as well (though they pale in comparison to GGG) but i think everyone who ships it is aware considering that tobey is, yknow, a villain. from memory, he destroys buildings to get her attention, lies to her about the level of danger that people are in to trick her into spending more time with him, blackmails her into reading his poetry, and he creates a robot based on her that’s supposed to be devoted to him (but of course, all of these things backfire). not great stuff of course, but like... he’s a villain, that’s the point of his character. and considering that he’s a child these are things that can be redeemed, if done thoughtfully.

anyway, to sum up this section, the show starts off with a pretty standard 'enemies with an unrequited crush' setup, takes a really dark turn for a single episode, and then for the rest of the show takes their dynamic in a direction that makes it much, much easier to ship. as long as you ignore a lot of previous content.

wordbot: where's becky's autonomy in all of this? (misogyny)

we've finally gotten to the fandom. i recognize that a lot of this is going to come across as hypocritical considering how active i used to be re: this ship, but like... i'm a very different person now. anyway. disclaimer i guess - i don't write this to accuse all tobecky shippers of being like this - i know a lot of us aren't/weren't! but boy do i have things to point out, so without further ado:

it is very hard to ship this without allowing some bit of misogyny to slip into it. very, very hard. the entire premise of the ship involves a girl falling in love with a boy that repeatedly pressures her to date him via threats to the safety of herself and people she cares about, which... it's 2020, i shouldn't have to explain why that's terrible & a terrible example to set for children (which is why i am glad they never made it canon, tbh). best-case fan content has tobey stop pressuring her and start working to redeem himself out of an actual change of heart, which leads to becky seeing him in a new light. worst-case fan content treats his incessant pressuring and sometimes outright threats as something romantic - and even worse, romantic to the point where he deserves her attention and love as a reward for not giving up or whatever. i did see this pretty frequently for a while, especially in the earlier 2010s (didn't read much, Not My Thing At All), but i don't feel like going into detail here because of how obviously problematic it is. one medium (but still bad) case is where the fan content makes him start his redemption, but treats her liking him back as a reward for not knocking buildings over anymore. another not great case is where she tries to fix him with her love, which is a very common and very dangerous romantic trope. both are just... so incredibly unfair to her.

in content where she tries to 'fix him'... yeah i feel like it's really obvious how misogynistic that is. girls and women should not feel responsible for the evil actions of men, plain and simple. idk what else to say here i just really hate that trope and hated it back then and it just sucks! so can we not do that anymore, thanks.

in content that treats her like a reward for good behavior, there really isn't much of an explanation for what she sees in him. if she just goes 'oh wow, you're good now, i am going to fall in love with you for it' the whole thing falls flat because it makes NO sense whatsoever. we get to hear so much about tobey and his feelings and why he likes her and how he feels about it, but where is that energy for becky? why does she choose to trust him, to spend time around him, what does she enjoy about his presence? where is her getting over scoops in the process of falling for tobey? where is her telling her friends about this, confiding in them, asking them for advice? where is her choice in the matter?

win a day with wordgirl: do you guys even like becky or do you just like the idea of her (misogyny... 2!)

it was pretty standard for all fandoms the early-mid 2010s, but that's still not a good excuse for why so many tobecky fanfictions centered specifically around tobey's feelings while refusing to give becky the same level of empathy and nuance. it is true that to ship them comfortably you have to redeem him to some degree, which means spending time figuring him out and trying to find ways to pull him to the light without feeling super OOC. but ships take two people??? and there was so much potential for fanfics to explore becky's complex feelings on the matter - because she is! complex! she's heroic and kind but she's petty and has a competitive streak, she easily befriends villains but also doesn't trust them and doesn't believe they can ever really change, she's the savior of an entire planet but has feelings of inadequacy as her civilian identity and struggles with feeling like she can be successful without superpowers, she's great at the straightforward meanings and uses of words and loves reading but struggles to write passages that aren't dry as hell, it can be easily headcannoned that she's neurodivergent (special interests, issues with fitting in with her peers, taking things very literally, etc)... seriously there is SO MUCH to explore about her character, and a lot of it comes into play when you add tobey into the mix (literally ALL of the things i mentioned are explored at some point using tobey as a parallel or foil), but i rarely saw fanfiction that explored her thoughts on things further than 'he's evil but... maybe good?' or 'he's evil but... i kind of like him anyway?'.

if you want her to fall for him while being a villain, explore it!! why does she go against her morals? does she lie to herself about it to feel better? does she feel like she has to 'fix him' as part of her superhero duties to the city, and if so, how does that affect her as she tries and fails to help him? does she fall for him when she believes that he's turning good, only to feel betrayed when he starts acting worse because he feels like he can get away with it? it's such a shame that fanworks spend so little time even considering these questions, and it is absolutely a product of how deeply misogyny is/was baked into how we approach media (especially back then).

tobey goes good: but wait, i thought this show was progressive (a conclusion, i guess)

ifbrd wrote a great meta recently about how the show is a bit misogynist, despite being progressive in several ways. honestly i don't have much to add, but i'd really recommend reading through this; it makes a lot of great observations about the ways that male and female characters are presented differently through the show

i have little to add, so i'd just like to conclude with a reflection on the ship from my current viewpoint. i do think part of the reason so many of us latched onto the ship, despite how obviously problematic it was, is that the show treats a lot of things that would be serious in real life as normal or even comedic - which is fine lol, i'm not going to pretend that it's not a show for little kids, so they have to keep the tone light.

but if we, as teens/adults, decide to engage with this content in a more realistic manner, we have to be prepared to confront how messed up so many of the things going on really are. and if you still want to ship it, there's nothing inherently wrong with that! there's a lot of interesting things to explore in this ship, no matter what stage of enemies-to-friends-to-lovers you write them at, and it can be really helpful to have a space where you can explore a dynamic such as this in fiction. (speaking from experience here tbh, writing some fic for them helped me deal with complicated feelings about some ex-longtime friends.)

so to write this ship at all means that there are canon issues that you need to deal with if you want to have them end up in a healthy relationship in any manner that makes sense (unless you create an AU where none of that is applicable, which, power to you then). and i’m not saying ‘write them with a healthy endgame or you’re Bad’, not at all lol. but at least please, please take a step back once in a while to examine the dynamic that you’re writing, and please be careful about whether you mean to be romanticizing whatever behaviors you end up portraying as good.

[purpleyin]

I was tagged by @galaxy-creationz - thanks. :) It’s a fun distraction from work for a bit.

rules: tag 9 ppl you want to get to know better (I probably won’t manage 9 but we’ll see)

top 3 ships: 

Like, ever? Multishipper me weeps at having to choose just 3. Anyhow, in no particular order:

1. BBC Sherlock - Sherlock/Molly - I remember when it was a teeny tiny ship that people looked at you kinda sideways for shipping and some probably still do. This ship was the reason I joined tumblr back in 2012, so in a way it’s kinda responsible for everything I did here.

2. Stargate Atlantis - McWeir (Rodney/Elizabeth) - this definitely wasn’t a popular ship but we had a nice band of chill shippers for it. I ran a fic archive and forums for it, which was McWeir.com once upon a time. Even had pin buttons made up using a modified McDonald’s logo for some cons. I did speak to Ao3 about porting the old code/db for the fic archive but I am behind on some paperwork I need to do to get that going...

3. Fringe - Alt!Olivia Dunham/Alt!Lincoln Lee - I like any combination of Liv and Lincoln (and plenty of OT3′s with them in too), but the thought of the redverse version of them consistently made me 😍 or 😭. Liv is BAMF with a soft underside and Lee is trying to play it cool but has the biggest case of heart eyes/pining going on. I will never be over them. Case in point, I wrote a 12k fic about them years after the fandom died, which got like 3 readers total - but it was worth it.

last movie: 

*goes to consult my list of things watched* “Sierra Burgess Is A Loser,” for the 2nd time. And this time it spawned a fic idea for a followup (Sierra Burgess is Bi and Polyam), that I may never write because the fandom is probably non-existent and I have too many other plot bunnies. But Veronica is possibly bi based on canon.

currently reading: 

Technically at least 3 books. I vaguely started the first Witcher book but didn’t get far. Still not finished a witchy anthology book from last Halloween because the last few stories I read I was indifferent to. Also on one of the True Blood books near the middle of the series, but can’t remember which since it’s in a big omnibus version.

food im craving: 

Chocolate but we have none in the house. Especially that chocolate sauce that you put on icecream and it freezes solid, mmm.

Who to tag...no obligation here: @takeunknownroadnow, @cptnsuz-sae, @biprongs, @sophiainspace, @battys-home, @mychakk, @vampcoffeegyrl23, @tygermine and @agentmarymargaretskitz.

[ponett]

Welp... it’s over. After nine years, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is over. I just got done watching the series finale with Anthony and, just like I knew I would, when the credits rolled, I cried my eyes out

I should probably say something, huh. I’ve been sharing thoughts like this mostly on Twitter lately, but I started using Tumblr to blog about MLP, so I don’t think it would be right to post this anywhere else

I have a complicated relationship with MLP:FiM. It’s a show that got really hit or miss after the second season, and it has a fandom so toxic and so full of edgy libertarians that it scared me off from formally participating in fandoms for the rest of my life. But it’s also probably my favorite TV show of all time. There are other shows that are much better written, that have more to say, that are more consistent, even including several other cartoons from the same decade. But I think I’d be lying to myself if I said it wasn’t my favorite show

No other piece of media has had as massive of an impact on my life as My Little Pony

I grew closer to some of my closest high school friends because of our shared enthusiasm for the show. I started PonyPokey with Jake and Derek and made a bunch of bad videos and got invited to be on a wildly disorganized BronyCon panel with Jenny Nicholson in 2012. (We went on stage immediately after Lauren Faust’s panel. I barely said a word due to stage fright.)

After years of being too afraid to share my art online, I started putting more effort into learning digital art so that I could draw ponies. It started out rough, but with the drive to improve, I quickly got better. I started Fluttershy Replies. For the first time, I had an audience. I had people who cared about my work and supported me. Even as times have changed, many of you have been following me since way back then

Around the time I came out as bi in 2012, I got really into MLP shipping. Writing sappy comics and drawing sappy art became an outlet for my years of pent up feelings, and helped me sort out a lot of stuff. My Little Pony also completely changed the views on femininity that had been beaten into my skull since childhood. Suddenly, it wasn’t this strange, alien thing to be afraid of. MLP, at its heart, is a show about how there’s no wrong way to be a girl. That’s an incredibly powerful message. Rarity wasn’t a vapid snob. Fluttershy wasn’t a background character who got made into the butt of the joke. Pinkie wasn’t a ditz. These were characters written to be empathized with. And writing about my own feelings from the perspective of Fluttershy felt... right. It took me a few years to fully process those feelings, but eventually, I realized the truth. I was a trans woman. And a cartoon about horses was the first step on my path to realizing this

In 2013, one of the roughest years of my life, I decided to download RPG Maker on a whim to give myself a distraction. Naturally, my first instinct was to make a game where Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash kiss. What was initially supposed to be a short, Fantastic Game-esque playground of silly little jokes spiraled out of control and became Super Lesbian Horse RPG, a game that I poured my heart and soul into over the course of a year. And then, a couple years later, my desire to preserve the ideas from my copyright-infringing fangame also spiraled out of control, as all my creative projects do, and became SLHRPG’s successor: Super Lesbian Animal RPG. SLARPG isn’t really a reskinned MLP fangame anymore--it’s more like a new game inspired in part by my old project. The story has been drastically rewritten, the characters changed, the levels and gameplay redesigned. Most of the cast of the new game wasn’t in the original project in any form. There’s much, much, much, much, much more new content than old left in the game. And the original game had already strayed so far from the canon anyway. But I’m also not sure it would exist without MLP

I made a bunch of friends online, including close friends I still have to this day. I met the people like Bee and Thomas who I’m still working with on SLARPG. Most importantly, because we both blogged about MLP and had some mutual friends, I met Anthony, the love of my life. We’ve been together for five years now and supported each other through good times and bad. This is the lamest, corniest, stupidest thing I will ever say in my life, but he’s the Rainbow Dash to my Fluttershy

...

So what about the finale itself? (spoilers, obviously)

I have... mixed feelings on the finale. There were some things that really annoyed me in there. But also, like I said, I cried, so I think it’s safe to say they did good overall

I think the thing that stuck in my craw the most was Discord. Which I guess shouldn’t be surprising. I’ve been saying for years now how I hate Discord, how he spits in the face of everything the show stands for. He’s an obnoxious elderly manchild who constantly causes problems on purpose and torments his so-called friends the second they stop paying attention to him. But they have to put up with him and give him infinite second chances, because he’s a god and Celestia said they had to reform him

The overarching plot of the final season is that Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and Cozy Glow (a Darla Dimple-esque filly villain from season 8) had teamed up with Grogar, a “new” villain taken from G1. While this goes on in the background, Twilight is making her preparations to become Celestia’s successor, as we’d known would be her destiny since the day she got wings six years ago. The villain team-up stuff was genuinely fun, and a highlight of the season for me. But then, in the three-part finale, it’s revealed that Grogar was actually Discord in disguise, and that he’d been intentionally trying to orchestrate a big attack on Twilight’s coronation so that she and her friends could save the day and get a big confidence boost going into her reign as princess. This is like... one of the most bafflingly stupid plot twist of all time. It’s literally the end of the show, and Discord has learned nothing. He’s “nice” now, but he’s still intentionally causing huge problems and putting everyone’s lives in danger to solve his problems. He freed four different villains they’d already defeated just so Twilight could beat them again, and in the process they literally blew up the goddamn castle in Canterlot and nearly killed everyone. And yet... they still forgive him, because they have to

I did, however, think that the last two-part adventure episode was fun overall. It tied a nice bow on much of the series, bringing back a bunch of old friends (including cameos from the movie cast!) to band together and save the day. Of course, in the end, they beat the bad guys with a big rainbow laser and sealed them in a statue. You know, even though a previous season finale was all about how solving their problems with a friendship laser and sealing the villains away never worked. Also, Cozy Glow might be evil, but she’s still literally a child? And now her petrified body is on display in the center of Canterlot? What the fuck????

I’m complaining a lot, but again. It was fun overall. It was nice to have one last big adventure, and to have the mane six reflect on how they’d grown since Twilight moved to Ponyville

...

And then we got the actual final episode. And boy did this one hit me HARD

I’m so glad that they ended on a quieter episode about the main cast’s friendships, because that’s what the show is actually about. The two-part adventures to save Equestria every season are fun, but that’s not the real show. We all came back every week for Twilight and her friends

There are things I can complain about here, too. Spike being a buff adult dragon with the voice of a child is fucked up. I’m still not used to seeing Twilight be Celestia’s size. But more than anything, I was always worried that we’d get a Harry Potter ending, where all the characters are paired off into arbitrary marriages so they can all have kids. Thankfully, this didn’t really happen. The only one who had a kid was Pinkie, who apparently got married to Cheese Sandwich (Weird Al’s character) at some point. Like, they literally shared two episodes together, with no hint of romance? But then they got married and had a kid off-screen??? What the fuck???? A lot of people also think that Fluttershy ended up with Discord, and I know I’m massively biased against that ship, but... I mean, they teased the FlutterCord shippers, but there wasn’t really any actual textual evidence that they were any closer than they had been previously. Y’all weirdos who ship Fluttershy with an obnoxious elderly man can interpret that as being “canon” if you want, I guess, but it’s not

The other relationship that shocked everyone in the finale was Applejack and Rainbow Dash, who... appear to be a couple? It’s definitely hinted at. I have... very, very mixed feelings about this. I mean, okay, obivously I’m the big FlutterDash fangirl. But I think AppleDash is cute, too! The problem is that, like... they’ve barely interacted in years? Like, they had a lot of episodes together in the first two seasons, but then the writers barely ever had them interact past that point. I can’t even remember when the last time we got an actual episode focusing on them was. And no, the one where Rainbow takes Granny Smith to pony Vegas doesn’t count

Like... yeah, it’s cute. It’s a nice gesture. Lyra and Bon Bon getting married in the background was also cute. But we can do so, so much better in 2019. We have so many explicitly canon lesbian couples in cartoons. Couples that actually kissed, or got married, or showed feelings for each other. Rainbow and AJ barely even fucking talked to each other in the final few seasons. I dunno, it just feels very hollow to me. Even the Equestria Girls crew admitting they were pushing RariJack felt more substantial to me, because at least they were given on-screen chemistry and lots of canon interaction

But in the end, complaints aside, the finale was about Twilight moving back to Canterlot, and worrying that her friendships would fade because of it. Honestly, I think this is what the finale of the show always would’ve been. It was the perfect story to end on. And boy, it hit really close to home

And then the last song happens, reflecting on how things have changed, but how they’re all still friends. And we see all the other friends they made along the way. And the camera zooms out, and the book from the opening of the very first episode closes, bringing the entire nine-year saga full circle

And then I started sobbing really hard in Anthony’s arms

...

I dunno. I just got done nitpicking a lot, but I still think that the last episode was a good and very emotional ending for the show

I’m going to miss this show dearly. I know it will be back in a new form, and that the leaks indicate that it’ll still star slightly different versions of the Mane Six. I’m also used to shows like this getting rebooted. Hasbro cartoons are honestly lucky to last past three seasons. FiM, on the other hand, got over 200 episodes, a theatrical film, a few specials, some shorts, a bunch of comics (which I still need to read), and a spinoff human AU series that was also really great. There’s no shortage of content, and I’m sure I’ll be returning to the series for years to come. I’m also glad that the show managed to go out on a high note

But still. It was a constant presence in my life for nearly nine years. Even as the quality got really hit or miss, even as they took the premise in strange directions, even as the crew of the show grew more and more dominated by men, it was still a show I could rely on to always be there, 26 episodes a year. I’ll miss it. I hope what comes next is just as good, if not even better. I also hope it’s gayer

I was going to end my ask blog, Fluttershy Replies, around the time the show ended. I’m not sure if I’ll do that just yet. I don’t know. I think that might be a bit much for me to process emotionally. Too many doors closing in my life in quick succession. But I do want to do more with it. These characters will be special to me for the rest of my life

I mean shit, I haven’t even drawn StarTrix yet. I’ve still got a lot of work to do with these horses, folks

[veliseraptor]

A Decade of Fanfiction: 2009-2019

I’ve seen artists I know and love doing this, and I figured I’d self-indulgently make my own fic version of it. So: I’m choosing one fic a year for the last 10 years that I feel is somehow ~representative~ of that year.

I don’t know that I have any overarching observations, except that hopefully I got better over the course of these (I feel like I did) and I think my writing in general has...shifted in terms of focus. Earlier in the decade I wrote a lot of short pieces and character studies; also a lot of very dark and depressing endings. Moving forward I started picking up things with more plot, writing longer stories, writing series and multi-chapter things. 

And I also started ending my fics, generally speaking, on a more hopeful note. Still a lot of pain; still a lot of sorrow. But more and more, I tend to end on a note that says that if things aren’t perfect, if everything isn’t fixed, it is still better, and there might be brighter still to come. 

2009

The Damned, The Silmarillion. This was a year where I wrote a lot of short fic from a lot of different fandoms (A Song of Ice and Fire and The Silmarillion, mostly, though also Doctrine of Labyrinths). This was my first long, multi-chapter fic I actually completed - the AU where Curufin dies after they leave Nargothrond, and Celegorm goes off the rails. I have no idea how well it would hold up - I haven’t reread it. Though someone did make art of it (cw: horror) only four years ago, so it must at least have some good bits in there.  

2010

The Sky Is Darkening Like a Stain, Supernatural. I thought about picking one of my Death Note fics (this was a year of Death Note) as the fandom with my first real hero/villain slash ship, but this was the year where Supernatural started to make an appearance (late in the year - the first fic I have is from September 2010). It’s also the first Sam/Lucifer fic I wrote, which feels significant.

I did also consider a number of “fics where the main character dies at the end” because I wrote a lot of those both this year and next year. It tapers off later on, but boy, did I love killing my own favorite characters and/or writing about their canonical deaths.

2011

Silver Glass, The Silmarillion. This felt in some ways like a year I should have chosen a Supernatural fic, since this was a year when Supernatural by far dominated what I was writing. But I’m going with this one, because it was my first ever foray into second person, and it’s a weird little fic stylistically speaking that shows me starting to experiment a little more. (The date on AO3 for this one is 2012; I’m going from the FFN date, which was the original posting.)

2012

I heard you killed your only friend last year, MCU. This was the year the MCU showed up, and there are a lot of candidates I could have chosen for this one - I almost went with Life in Reverse (still might, for the year it’s finished) but ultimately...this fic was never meant to be the first installment in a series that is now 800,000+ words and still going, seven years later, but here we are. It almost never got posted. 

This was hard, though! This was also the year of Curufin/Finrod becoming a thing, of Clint/Loki, of some of my last really brutal major character death fics. But ultimately this has to go to recognizing the beginning Remember This Cold.

2013

Perdition, MCU. After waffling around with a couple others, I realized that it had to go to this one, because @portraitoftheoddity and I might never have met without it - specifically, without the fanart she made for it that very much caught my attention and got us talking. For that reason alone, I’m calling this the most significant fic of 2013.

2014

Road to Nowhere, MCU. Oh, yes, a classic in the Lise genre of “awkward road trips forcing characters to talk about their feelings, eventually.” I considered one of the two major character death, hella bleak fics I wrote this year, as well as one of the (many) Remember This Cold fics I wrote, but I’m going with this one.

2015

There are fics from this year I like more (The Children of the War, for one, and Birthright) but I’m going to go with the fic that surprised me most just by existing, which was Now Three, MCU. I said for years I’d never write mpreg fic. And then I did it. I think that’s where I learned not to make categorical statements about what I’ll never write.

2016

Shit, man, this was a year of some personally iconic fics. This was the year of I have lived with shades, a shade, of The Vivisection Mambo, of there’s a hell of a good universe next door. It was the year of The Villain Wrangler, the fic I wrote in one sitting that is one of my most popular fics ever, no I don’t resent that a little. I wrote a lot of really good fic in 2016. (If I do say so myself.) 

But I’m going to have to go with to face unafraid the plans that we’ve made, MCU, because this was the year that Steve proposed marriage to Loki in Remember This Cold and that was kind of a big fuckin’ deal.

2017

This was another tough one - do I go with one of the first Wheel of Time fics I wrote in years, because this was the year of the Wheel of Time reread? Do I go with Seven Years because it remains one of my favorite fics I’ve ever written and was the first glimmer of a return to the Silmarillion after a couple years of silence? My first Dragon Age fic ever? One of my Loki/Grandmaster fics (a new ship appearing on the scene late in the year)? The middle fics of the Tapestries series, which series is in many ways closest to my heart emotionally?

But ultimately I landed on the obvious candidate: we’re not friends, we’re strangers with memories, MCU was finished this year. It was the longest thing I’d written and finished to date, and I ended up feeling really good about how I closed it out. I’m still proud of it, which is no small thing.

2018

Yeah, okay. I wanted to pick a Loki/Grandmaster fic for this year, because it feels like the year I wrote a whole fuckin lot of those and they’re very much...uhhh representative, in some way. 

But this has to be Life in Reverse, MCU. The labor of six years, over 200,000 words, blood, sweat, and literal tears, and I finished it in 2018. I feel like if I’ve left a mark on the MCU fandom at all, it’s with this fic. And you know what, I’m good with that.

2019

We’re not quite done with this year yet, but I’m done posting fic for it, so I feel okay choosing one here. And while I’m going to go more in-depth with a 2019 fic recap with a different post, if I had to pick just one fic that feels emblematic of this year I think I’d go with gather frankincense, Lymond Chronicles. Not just because it’s one of my proudest accomplishments of the year, but also because this was a year where I branched out when it came to fandoms. The MCU still dominated, but for the first time in a long time I was writing semi-regularly for other fandoms - Good Omens, Lymond Chronicles, Doctrine of Labyrinths, The Silmarillion, even some Wheel of Time.

It was a good feeling. I used to be a very multifandom writer, and I like the feeling that I’m circling back to that. Especially when it comes to small book fandoms, which were my first internet home.

[jmgiovine]

My Path with the Force

: A Star Wars-fan Chronicle.

                                                                                           by. J.M.Giovine.

A long time ago, back in the 90s, I was 5 and the remastered edition of the Original Trilogy was released on VHS format. Star Wars entered in my life. I remeber those good old days. Since I’m the child of a failed marriage, my father used to pick me up every single weekend to take me for a ride for some father-and-son time, just the two of us, sometimes with my dad’s family as well. Like I said, good old days. Before that, my whole world turned around Batman and Jurassic Park, as well as pretty much every single Disney-animated flick I got my hands into. One of those weekeds, my dad took me to a Toy Store, and my wonder solidified the moment I saw a giant box-set of MicroMachines figures that immediately draw my attention... and eventually became my first merchandise (purchased by my dad as a gift) of the soon-to-be-my favorite franchise, ever.

Fun thing was, I never saw any of the original films, nor played any of the LucasArts videogames released back then. I entered into this fandom as an innocent five-year-old poser, but obviously, my curiosity and wanderlust won’t stop there. Eventually, I’ll turn to acknowledge the franchise from a movie perspective, ironically, almost immediatelly after acquire my most precious set of ships (which I still possess, for the most part). That very same year, my grandmother came one afternoon with several copies of VHS tapes on her bag that she proudly showed to us; the rents of the week. Little I knew, that would be it, the moment I’ll be acquainted with the Original Trilogy for the first time. Fun thing was, my grandmother is a considerably devoted catholic, and an awfully religious person (she’s nuts), but if I ever have to feel grateful about something she did for me, was introducing me to two different worlds I love: Indiana Jones, and Star Wars. She knew the films (at a certain degree), and basically spoiled me Vader was Luke’s father the very moment I pop A New Hope’s into the VHS. But I didn’t care back then, because I was hooked. Somehow, I realized, this was it; “this is the universe I love”. 

I still think about it. What was it at first? I mean, I can answer that almost right away with a 6-hour-long explanation why I love this universe, but to be fair, I really wonder what was back in the day in my earliest childhood years, the very essential element that made me fell for it. The space ships? Maybe, that’s probably a reliable esthetic trait that’ll captivate any small child. Perhaps the whole Jedi mythos presented lightly between the three episodes, later explored with a larger detail in further entries and titles from both, the Expanded and New Canon. Which 5-year-old child wouldn’t want to be a Jedi Knight just as Obi Wan, or Luke by the time he showed up in Return of the Jedi (1983), weilding his brand-new green lightsaber in order to defeat Jabba’s band of criminals and guards. We’re getting closer. But I suspect there was more to it. Of course, being a grade-school kid my thoughts never went anywhere further than my visual and spectating admiration for the trilogy. That lasted 2 more years, 2 years of me asking like crazy the whole action figures and vehicles I was so desperate to possess and play with. Hardly I was gifted with some of the merchandise, aside my beloved MicroMachines set, and then, it came 1999...

I can just imagine, for the elder people, what this meant back at the release of The Phantom Menace (1999), although, it kindda happened the same way in 2015; people went nuts and fans all over the world realised it returned. Star Wars was back, but not in the shape of a horrible remasterization in a re-release of a classic film(s), but as a brand new episode. Something that’ll continue the story left behind more almost 20 years ago. Young version of characters we all loved from the first ones, as well as new introductions of characters that, from the distance, looked like they had certain potential. I mean, I just remember Darth Maul being literaly everywhere at stores, promos, banners. The guy everyone thought would be the new face of these new installments, just as Vader was years ago. The rest, well, what can I say? But this ain’t a review. To be completely honest... I liked it. Never watch it at the theater (until the 3D re-release back in 2012), but I immediately bought the VHS. My grandma and aunt actually went to the movies to see it, they hated it.

But obviously, I had my reservations in regards of the newest Star Wars flick, and my hopes to see an actual connection between this “new” vision, and the episodes I’ve learn to love these past couple years. So, you could say, I decided to give it a pass and accept what I was experiencing. Back then, having already 7 years, my judgement towards films wasn’t-let’s say- well defined.To me, if something belongs to what I already know, it was alright, but deep down, I knew something wasn’t right with this newest film, it didn’t feel the same. Was I set to become one of those folks that’ll limit themselves to what was already stablished rather than to accept new ideas and concepts inside a franchise set to expand? Well, thankfully, few years later I’ll understand it was all due to how poorly the film was crafted. Also... yeah, Jar Jar...

But not everything was that bittersweet. I fell in love with the franchise right before seeing Phantom... so by the time, all toy lines (Kenner, particularly) were everywhere from both, this newest episode and the original trilogy line, which endured several years afterwards, before the newest 2004 line. I acquire several other figures, and I was enjoying myself pretty much alright. I couldn’t wait for more, and only two episodes left, my childhood excitement grew exponentially by the realization that, soon, I’ll possess 6 VHS of my favorite saga ever (ha!). Like that, and continously buying as much merchandise as my parents were capable of, 2002 came along. The so-much-expected episode two came, and this was officially my first Star Wars film ever experienced on the big screen. Save your pity, please, I don’t need it.

I was aware, probably for the first time, of the quality decaying this franchise was suffering, probably the moment I saw Hayden Christensen portraying the long-expected-hero Anakin Skywalker. If I ever check a top 10 list of the worst casting choices ever made, this guy would probably be in the first 5 spots, easily. Even the toy-brand seemed... I don’t know, uninspired? Yeah, not much of a big change, but somehow I felt way attracted for the lines of episode 1 than this one. The starships never took my breath away (except for a fully renderized Slave I, the very first Original Trilogy starship brought back for these films), nor the aliens or the newest incursions of Jedi felt innovative or interesting enough. Probably the Clones, but I have to admit, my interest for this army came years later, when Genndy Tartakovsky’s The Clone Wars, as well as the Expanded Universe’s stories were release, in order to fill the gap left by Episode’s 2 need of ending at the very beginning of the long-awaited wars.

Another spark of honesty, I never watched the show on it’s innitial release, in 2003, since I never had cable, ergo, never saw Cartoon Network, even though I really wish I could’ve. My initiation with the short cartoon came a year later, and a year before the heavily anticipated release of Episode 3. The first time I did came around the show was at my highschool tutor’s house. Every day, after my school schedule, my mom sended me every afternoon to my tutor’s place, literaly, on the street behing mine’s. Why here? Easy, after finishing my whole homework (for the next day) we got some spare time before our moms (we were several other kids at the house), and that’s when, located at the livingroom basically identical to my place’s, my tutor’s son was watching some tv. He looked nerdy af, and what was he watching? No more and no less than the show’s second season, episode 19: Anakin VS Asajj Ventress.

After that, my next step was some of the best I’ve had in regards of the franchise: the Original Trilogy DVD release in 2004. Just as my dad did, back in 1997, in 2004 I spend my first Christmas with my dad’s family, and one of my presents (one of my all time favorites) was my very first DVD player, also, packed along the remasterization (one of many, Christ...) for the same format that launched also a brand new toy series better known as the Original Trilogy Collection from Hasbro. I was one step closer to fulfillment, and for the first time I had the Original Trilogy in my power. At the same time, my highschool’s best friend lend me the DVD of Tartakovsky’s series from 2003, recently launched in a compilation of the entire 20 episodes. That’s when I saw the whole show for the first time. Again, aside of my bitterweet experience with Episodes 1 & 2, I felt great passion towards Star Wars, once again. 

My first Star Wars game also came in 2004, the same year I first acquire my Game Cube console, that meant I was finally able to buy Rebel Strike: Rogue Squadron 3 and I was pretty much at candy land. I played Rogue Squadron 1, for the Nintendo 64, a while ago, and I was pretty much addicted to the epic arcade game, located at a Peter Piper Pizza near my house. On the videogame background, this was the only thing I needed so far, until I realize of the existance of other games such as Battlefront, Jedi Academy-Outcast, and countless other elder games I never had the chance to play. Probably my official first Star Wars game was the PC exclusive, Dark Forces 2, but I never managed to finish it (I still hadn’t have the chance to, since I’m no longer able to play it), but overall, Roque Squadron 3 was everything I needed, surely I wouldn’t mind experience other stuff, specially when first realizing about the existance of the memorable Knights of the Old Republic, a game I considered for superior gamers back then. 

2005 came, the first trailers for Revenge of the Sith were everywhere and dropped every 5 seconds. But that wasn’t just it. I was able to follow the weekly release of the Clone Wars Season 3, that was supposed to end the series right at the very beginning of Episode 3, which it did. My best friend and I saw the series finally together, at his place; pizza, soda and chips, the two of us excited for the finale and, oh boy, we were. With Revenge... it came my first official midnight release, something that’ll take a while to return to my life, mostly after highschool. My entire family and I went to the movie-theater, and it became one of my most beloved experiences in a movie, from my entire life. Back in the day, that movie gave me everything I wanted out of a franchise I followed. Every single plot-detail, every single arc, fanservice (which I didn’t know it was back then), and full circles leading to Episode 4 were there, in all their glory. And, the less I know, it hit me: this was my last Star Wars. Only two episodes at the movie theater, the rest experienced at home-video. Not that I regret anything, but its never easy to let go something so attached to our lives. If I only knew...

Not much to say about the next years. A new decade arrived. I was way past buying and collecting figures or vehicles, and in regards of the films, for some reason, I never acquired the prequels on DVD. Somehow I felt as if I was already complete with my Original Trilogy. I really wanted The Clone Wars series on DVD, but never managed to buy them, either for the lack of money, or I never found them at local stores (even nowadays its extremely difficult and expensive to get). In 2008, The Clone Wars came out... which was already extremely weird, considering some of the characters from the original animated series came back, like Asajj Ventress, and naturaly, since I ended my journey with the saga, I lost my entire interest for Star Wars material furthermore, I ignored it. Therefore, I never saw nor the movie or the newest 3D Animated show, created by Dave Filoni, a name I’ll learn to admire and respect almost a decade after. We’re talking a complete absence of interest for the franchise during a 4 year period until the impossible happened...

George Lucas, after a personal professional defeat, sold his epic and extremely profitable (still) franchise to Disney, now belonging executively speaking to Kathleen Kennedy, who immediately confirmed to the world what we all thought would never come: a brand new episodic installment in the franchise will eventually be made... continuing the events concluded on Episode 6 and completely throwing away everything that happened before the sale, that is, everything considered aside of the films, the former Expanded Universe, being the Clone Wars the only property still considered important and canon inside the newest Disney reign. Suddenly my love came back, just as it is when you’re in a marriage that is merely a dry relationship  between to irrelevant individuals and then, out of nowhere, you remember how lucky you are of having that person by your side. But it wasn’t just me, the whole world went bananas, and everyone needed 2015 to arrive, as of now.

And so it did. The Force Awakens came on December of 2015. It quickly became one of the highest grossing films of all time. One of the most succesfull releases ever, Hollywood-speaking. Fans were excited, hopeful and, let’s be honest, fearfull for the upcoming results. We were still harmed for the prequels and we needed Star Wars to be what we loved in the first place. To me, it was, I felt like experiencing Star Wars for the first time in a long while. I felt that excitement, the struggle, the emotion and power I felt when watching my old VHS, back in the 90s. This was the worthy succesor I was expecting. Star Wars was everywhere and, once again, I felt like a five year old. Of course, my curiosity and dissappointment appear once I saw people felt... conflicted by this new episode. Somehow people really didn’t feel like enjoying something so reminiscent of the old-school franchise we all grow up loving, instead, they criticized the fact that “we didn’t got anything new” and the film relay so much on nostalgia and similarities to the original episodes. Of course I never felt that way, at least, not in a negative way. 

But that didn’t matter! Hope was still foreseen and Disney also anounced their next installment as a prequel that’ll take place right before A New Hope (1977), and so, the first “A Star Wars Story” was meant to be released on December 2016. Rogue One was a blast, and unlike Force Awakens, it seemed this was what every single fan was expecting. Classic Star Wars, a brand new take on this world that’ll fill a gap left on episode 4 and, what we all agree was the best aspect of the film; a complete tone of war and battles worthy of any great moment in the franchise. People started to believe Disney was actually caring about the franchise future, and the horizon offered a bright looking for the next installments. We had Star Wars literally everywhere, and new films (both, episodic and spin offs) were already scheduled, also, bringin important names in the director’s chair for each one. Me, personally, I liked fine. I understood why people loved it, and I understood why this could easily foreshadow episode 7. Overall, I thought it was an excuse to showcase a pop-corn spectacle, but yeah, a pretty entertaining one, but non of the complexity and creativity from the originals were there, making it a little disposable for my taste. Regardless, I didn’t mind, and I felt as excited and hopeful as I was a year before it.

I guess I wasn’t entirely prepared for what came on 2017; the whole The Last Jedi controversy. Rian Johnson wasn’t that known, except for directing one of the favorite sci-fi flicks from 2012 and two of the best episodes of Breaking Bad. People either hated it, or just liked the film. Me? It’s hard to say but I enjoyed it pretty hard. The next episode got me hooked, invested and intrigued all the way through. At the midnight release, on December, I watched the film with my cousin and my best friend (who just finished watching the whole film-saga, and she became instantly a fan), and the three of us were dazzled all the way through. My realization came when I arrived home that night and found out, all my contacts on Facebook were ranting the hell out of it, specially the elder ones. I was confused and, downright, alone when it came to my joy towards Episode 8. The fandom lost their minds, and the hatred rised considerably againts the new direction given by Disney and Kennedy. Star Wars quickly stopped being what it was before; the saga we all had tons of fun discussing and talk about. Suddenly it became hard to talk about the saga, and the passion seemed to have been drained from it, something that I confirmed when Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) was released.

The second spin-off in the saga became the biggest box office flop for the franchise on that very same year and critics partially seemed to like it. For audiences it was as harmless and inconsequential, pretty much unlike the overall received of Rogue One. But, one thing was for sure; the franchise hype was starting to fade. From my own perspective, I started to lose interesting, but not for the same reason not-pleased fans were, but because I felt the polarization all over the place. Again, Star Wars wasn’t fun anymore. 

However, and after the anouncement of Abrams returning to the franchise in order to conclude it, somehow I felt the excitement once again. Slowly, and once 2019 arrived, I slowly started acquiring new Star Wars merchandise, from the LucasArts videogames I wasn’t able to play back in the day, like Republic Commando, Battlefront 2 and Jedi Starfighter. Also, I got my 5 Black Series figures, from 2016 to date, being Ahsoka Tano my first, then Thrawn, General Kenobi, Darth Maul and the Second Sister. The trailers for The Rise of Skywalker were dropped and my hype was real. Also, Disney + would release the very first live action tv series on the saga, with The Mandalorian. 

So, somehow, 2019 exploded in Star Wars, and I wasn’t the only one. On November, only a month-away for Episode 9, The Mandalorian made all of us fell in love with the franchise, making us feeling like we were discovering something that we needed and wanted at the same time. Also, people played Jedi Fallen Order, and everyone loved it, unfortunately for me, I haven’t got the chance to do it as well. Nevertheless, my amazement belonged completely to Jon Favreau’s The Mandalorian, with 8 episodes of aproximately 40 minutes each, and providing wonderful connection between Clone Wars and Rebels, this time, with the whole esthetic scenarios and props from the Original Trilogy, all this before watching the last Episode.

And so, the saga came to a supposed ending, at least, in regards of the Skywalker installments. That was it; no more title cards in the middle of the open space, no more drama between the Skywalker family, no more John Williams. Sigh. Well, for my eyes, I was partially pleased, but I had my issues. Call it an overall excess of expectations, call it non-blinded judgement, but there was something missing, something worthy of the franchise I have loved most of my life. It could’ve been better, for sure, and the commitment from the previous two was lacking. Abrams had the opportunity to go all the way with something memorable (something accomplished by Endgame, for example), but for what it was, it was just good enough. That’s it. My inner child never died, but wasn’t completely baffled or amazed. Serviceable, and that was it.

But that’s not the end, for me. I’m still acquiring the novels and comic books (which I started buying back in 2015), and my collection of figures and merchindise is still growing, slowly. Also, several tv-shows are scheduled to be release in the next years, so, Star Wars isn’t over. I’m still excited to see this franchise expanding, and my devotion hasn’t change a bit. I’m still a fan, despite the ups and downs. I guess when it comes to the Disney domain, I’m glad, considering Lucas didn’t wanted to direct or make any more sequels or spin-offs so, without the company’s purchase, Star Wars might still be a franchise entirely for the geeks, and being pretty much resting nowadays. I’m glad it is back, and I’m glad there’s more to explore, perhaps not as people wished, but there’s no denying, the saga may have concluded, but it is far from being over, or dead, and I’ll be there, experiencing it, consuming it, and being in love with it, pretty much, until I become one with the Force.

[wolfenm-marveling]

There are three big reasons I have not and don’t want to see Endgame ....

For one, I wrote a lengthy article about that will run in June at Sequential Tart (I'll update this post with the link when it goes live *EDIT* Here it is: The Subject of Character Death, Revisited - http://www.sequentialtart.com/article.php?id=3362 ). The other two, I'll talk about here; they involve Steve and Bucky.

I know what you’re thinking: Wolfie, how can you form an opinion on a movie you haven't seen? Well, I do have mental health issues (undiagnosed and untreated because I have no insurance or job, yay), so when the film was released in China, I found someone to spoil me so that I might make an informed decision as to whether or not I could *handle* seeing it, given some worries I had (and especially since 3 hours without a bathroom break was not going to work for me or my companion). I determined from that convo that it would be a Very Bad Idea for me to see the film.

Even seeing the constant posts about it  -- especially ones that called it a  “beautiful” or “perfect” end, etc. -- was triggering anxiety and mental anguish / circular thoughts (admittedly in part because there were similarly “bad” things happening in other fandoms of mine -- it was too much at once). And I'm STILL having massive issues with circular thoughts about it.

This essay isn't meant to tell anyone they’re wrong about how they perceive / feel about the film, BUT, while I know I shouldn't care what other people think, the sitch still makes me feel how I feel: frankly, a bit disturbed that people are loving things that are making me so awful. I feel like I've stepped into some sort of Bizarro world -- like I'm somehow in the wrong universe. It’s very distressing. (I mean ... they call it mental *illness* for as reason, right?)

In this franchise where I once found such great joy, I now find little more than anguish. It’s actually been making me physically ill to see the posts -- or to look on my massive Marvel collection; I've had to box much of it away for now. Hopefully some day I can enjoy it again. (I can't exactly stop using my $60 Captain America backpack I begged for, for my birthday, though. :/)

I find that when my thoughts get like this (like I'm on a runaway train that keeps revisiting the same stations), the only thing that helps even a little is to sort out my thoughts on the page -- even if I’ve done it before, as I have with this in the comments section of friends posts. (You may have seen other people express similar thoughts, too.)  And really, I don't want to rain on my friend’s parades, so I figure I’ll post it in my own space, and then if people ask me my thoughts, I can just point them here. And hopefully this post will help others who are similarly struggling (I know there are at least a few).

As for the old chestnut “It’s just a story/ a fictional character”, well, for one thing, let me repeat: mentally ill here. If I could control how I feel, I wouldn’t BE mentally ill. But also, I'm a writer who feels writing is a sacred calling, so when I feel a story is badly told, I tend to take it personally. Yes, I know my opinion is not the be-all, end all -- if you think it’s a good story, yay for you. Me, I feel betrayed by this story in a way I have rarely felt before (the other biggest instance having happened the week before the film's release, so double-whammy, yay).

Warning: if you read any further, I assume you either saw Endgame or don’t care about Spoilers.

(*edited to add* If you need some solace too, check out @antiendgame to find other people who are upset.)

The first upsetting points for me were the Noble Deaths (and, in Loki’s case, lack of resurrection) -- I hate that trope with the fire of a thousand suns. But that’s what I wrote the article on (including how 2012 Loki’s escape doesn't make me feel any better), so no more on that here.

Now, let me preface the rest of this by saying no, I wasn’t expecting a romantic presentation of Stucky. And as hard as I ship them fanon-wise, I don’t actually hate Steggy -- I adore Peggy in her own right (and like the idea of them  being a threesome with Bucky).

What I DO hate is that Steve abandoned Bucky for her.

Aside from Steve’s moral compass, Bucky was the impetus behind pretty much *everything* Steve did in his trilogy. He found the missing soldiers because Bucky was amongst them. Bucky’s death broke him -- and finding him again in Winter Soldier seemed to give Steve, who was clearly depressed, new life. Despite Sam insisting Bucky was Gone, Steve wouldn't kill Bucky to save the world. And in Civil War, Steve fought other dear friends, and was willing to throw away his own freedom, to protect his best friend. So how the FUCK is them being *separated pretty much forevermore* a satisfactory end to that story???????

TL;DR, the Captain America movies were about the repeated separation and reunion of Steve and Bucky … and yet we barely got to SEE them together before Steve said sayonara to the man he’d been best friends with for over a for over a decade, to go be with a woman he’d known for about a year. 

A woman who’d already had a family without him.

Yeah, we can say her family still exists in the original timeline -- but I have seen soooo many different explanations of how the time sitch works out, it’s not even funny.

Really, that’s the third reason I don't want to see the movie: I HATE time paradox, and this movie sounds riddled with it. Also, as I understand it, the writers and the Russos are saying different things, with the Russos saying it’s a different timeline (which apparently Steve would be going *back* to after the shield pass, for some reason, and yeah, that bothered me, that he didnl't even give his best friend that momento, and sent their last onscreen moments together talking to SAM), and the writers saying no, the alternate timelines were only a thing when the Stones were in play. So yeah, Steve could spend the rest of his life with Bucky then ... but that means he also would have erased Peggy’s family (and maybe her work). Unless he was the man she married all along.

Either way, it would mean that Steve let Bucky suffer, and let HYDRA infiltrate SHIELD, neither being things I could see him doing.

And if it IS a branched-off timeline, I LOATHE that time theory, because it means NOTHING WE DO MATTERS. There’s always a version of us that’s our worst selves, and people who suffer because of it. That’s hella depressing. (Even if it would explain why I feel like I'm in the wrong world.)

At any rate, the ONLY end I really wanted was to see Steve and Bucky get to be together, no matter how -- “just friends” would have been fine. It was literally the thing I wanted most in the whole damn MCU franchise (aside from seeing Loki be redeemed and then fight alongside the Avengers. *sigh* At least I didn't have high hopes there ...). I would rather Steve had taken Bucky back in time WITH him, even if Steve still married Peggy; time paradox issues aside, I could have lived with that -- yes, even if it meant we didn’t get The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. (And honestly, how much am I supposed to look forward to that anyway, when Sam has been such an *inexplicably* uncompassionate asshole to Bucky in WS and CW? A guy who runs meetings for people with PTSD holds a grudge against a guy who was brutally mind-raped? It's like they made him OOC for the lolz!)

As for “Oh, but Bucky knew and he was okay with it!”

Uh, if he was okay with it, it's just because the writers *wrote* him that way for their own convenience, so they could do this ending. I have been besties with someone most of our lives. We broke up a few times, but we managed to keep finding our way back to each other. We don't live in the same state, so we rarely see each other, but at least we DO sometimes, and we write each other. If this person said they were going to go live somewhere with no way to communicate with me ever again, so they could be with someone they loved, of course I wouldn't want to say don't leave, because I'd want them to be happy, and wouldn't want to stand in the way … but that doesn't mean I'd be “okay”. in the slightest. And I wouldn't WANT other people I care about to go through such pain, much less think it beautiful to watch.

Plus, as I always say, this is fiction -- I don't need *that much* “reality” in my escapism. Temporary angst is my bread-and-butter -- it’s cathartic -- but I need a happy ending to be the payoff. To me, A TRULY happy ending for Steve -- and the one that would have been the best payoff for the narrative we’ve spent a decade watching -- would have been for him to not have to choose between the two people he loved most.

Edited 5/11/19 to add: For all those who are all “Oh, they’re just friends, they aren't gay”, I am more or less fine with sexual Stucky staying fanon; they still love each other platonically, are SOULMATES, ACCORDING TO THE SCREENWRITERS THEMSELVES (Christopher Markus and Steve McFeely), who wrote this as part of the intro to the graphic novel Captain America: White - “…Of course, this is still a rollicking adventure tale, and no adventure is complete without a love story. And yes, these books have one – the longest, most tortured one in Marvel history, in fact. We’re talking about Steve and Bucky, without smirking or innuendo or raised eyebrows. Platonic though the relationship may be, from the meet cute to the tragic separation, their bond has all the elements of a classic romance.  These two men love each other – as any pair of friends who faced exclusion, combat, inhumanity, and death would. Their bond stretches across half the twentieth century. The loss of it gnaws at Steve throughout the modern day, and it slices his heart in half when the Winter Soldier rears his tormented, homicidal head. Just as Jeph and Tim’s earlier Daredevil: Yellow, Spider-Man: Blue, and Hulk: Gray all dealt with the major love interests in the heroes’ lives, so too does Captain America: White. Steve and Bucky are each others’ soulmate, if you will, because no one on Earth understands what either of them has been through as well as the other does. The book deals deftly with the strengths and weaknesses that relationship engenders. As the Red Skull himself says to Bucky, “The captain has a … ‘soft spot’ for you. A spot I intend to put a bullet through this very evening.” Soldiers fight for their country. They fight for themselves. They fight for each other. And sometimes they die for these things, too.  The ones who don’t carry the memory of the ones who did for the rest of their days. Steve Rogers is no different.”

So he's gonna leave his soulmate (no matter the nature of their love) behind forever? FUCK THAT NOISE. I am completely baffled ow two writers who see Steve and Bucky that way would go on to give them that ending.

And retouching the whole for Bucky “knows and is okay” thing, the Russos also said that Bucky is too damaged still to be Captain America. Uh, THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE THEY REALLY THINK HE’S OKAY.

[astromechs]

001: MCU fandom, 002: Peter Quill / Gamora, 003: Carol Danvers. Choose one or do all three if you want :)

i’m gonna do all three! thank you for this 😎

001 | MCU

Favorite character: This is extremely hard, but it’s a three-way tie between Gamora, Peter Quill, and Carol Danvers at this point.

Least Favorite character: Thanos because he’s a dumb bitch. Runners up include: Bucky Barnes, Clint Barton

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Peter/Gamora, T’Challa/Nakia, Tony/Pepper, Scott/Hope, Carol/Maria

Character I find most attractive: Honestly, most of the women could step on me and I’d say thank you

Character I would marry: Gamora or Carol

Character I would be best friends with: Peter Quill

a random thought: Black Panther legitimately deserved Best Picture, you guys just hate genre film

An unpopular opinion: I’m really excited to see where the MCU goes after Avengers: Endgame, and I’m actually looking forward to getting it over with, in a way, so that we can just move on and start getting to new stuff. (Frankly, the MCU has introduced a lot more interesting characters since the Avengers, and I’m just ready for that spotlight to leave them and go onto other people.) I’m also looking forward to getting it over with because most of my faves have been dead for the past year, and I’m tired of this holding pattern.

My Canon OTP: Peter/Gamora

My Non-canon OTP: Carol/Maria is technically not canon even though they totally are canon, if you get my drift, but I guess they’ll go here

Most Badass Character: This title belongs to Gamora, because she has overcome so much and gotten so far to reclaim her own personhood… and if Marvel Studios doesn’t let her walk off into the proverbial sunset after this bullshit, we’re going to have some words

Most Epic Villain: Killmonger

Pairing I am not a fan of: Bruce/Natasha, because yikes, and Steve/Peggy, because this fandom made me tired of it

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): I feel like Natasha and Wanda have both suffered from writers not really knowing what to do with them over the course of multiple movies. The only movie where Natasha actually had good development and a character arc was CATWS, and Wanda hasn’t even had that.

Favourite Friendship: All the Guardians

Character I most identify with: Peter Quill, like fucking whoa

Character I wish I could be: Carol; I want her powers

002 | Peter Quill/Gamora

When I started shipping them: I liked the idea of them at the end of Vol 1, but I didn’t really start shipping them as deeply as I do until Vol 2

My thoughts: Best MCU ship by far. Yeah, even over Tony/Pepper and all that; I said what I said, y’all. Their development was slow and realistic, never felt rushed, and I actually bought this dynamic, both in terms of the writing and the actor chemistry (which is high praise coming from me, because I don’t tend to buy a lot of ships in movies). Their personalities complement each other, and it makes a lot of sense as to why they’re drawn to one another. Honestly, I love them – I don’t know what else there is to say. They have my heart and they’re my life.

What makes me happy about them: People who can come together and find some healing/peace in one another is, like, my jam, and they just mash all of my buttons in this regard.

What makes me sad about them: Infinity War. Just… Infinity War.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: A lot of this is, like, characterization stuff, but I get bothered by portrayals of Gamora as some kind of untouchable ice queen and Peter as someone who’s super 100% open and acts constantly like a hyperactive five-year-old on a sugar high. The nuance with this ship is that they’re both adults still struggling with the effects of sustained childhood trauma, and opening up is going to be hard for both of them – they both have their hard edges, but also really soft hearts. I also hate when people portray Peter as some kind of dumbass against Gamora being untouchably hypercompetent; that’s also not really true of either of them, you know? Look at the characters, stop going with the tropes.

Things I look for in fanfic: Anything that gives me that character/dynamic nuance I just mentioned; I love that stuff. These are two characters who both have a lot to heal from, and I love the stories that showcase them healing together. I have a soft spot for dumb/comedic misadventures, as well as heartwarming family stories, and I love me the occasional angst piece too, but if you’ve got the nuance, I’m good.

My wishlist: Honestly, everything? This is the one ship I literally never get tired of. Which reminds me that I have some more stuff to write, too… my work schedule lately has just not been conducive.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: In MCU-verse, honestly no one; they’re serious at this point, and I just don’t see it happening with anyone else. If we’re talking comics-verse, I actually ship both of them with Rich Rider (and also the whole thing as an OT3).

My happily ever after for them: Both of them surviving Endgame with the rest of the Guardians, going back to their galaxy-saving gigs for a while, maybe hanging that whole thing up at some point and just having some peace. I also see a bunch of adopted kids in their future; Gamora starts it, when she comes back to the ship one day with this little orphaned girl in her arms, but over time, they end up taking in multiple lost/troubled kids, and it’s equally each of their faults.

003 | Carol Danvers

How I feel about this character: Love her! I’m really, really glad she exists; she’s definitely refreshing in terms of what female characters are allowed to be in comics/comics media, and that’s really reflected in part by how women are allowed to be the custodians of her story (and have been since Kelly Sue DeConnick took over her book in 2012). She’s a lot of qualities that we see in male characters – bold, confident, humorous – and isn’t made to apologize for any of those things. More characters like Carol, please.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Maria, I can also get on board the Valkyrie ship; in the comics I love her with Rhodey and also Jessica Drew

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Fury, Talos, Goose, Thor (they’re going to be besties, I know it)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Unpopular in some circles I guess, but I actually thought she had good development in Captain Marvel; like, it was a character arc I could track, it seemed cohesive to me, and I don’t think she was flat or boring in any way? But people are gonna people.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Carol better interact with the Guardians in the MCU or else

Favorite friendship for this character: Nick Fury in MCU, Jessica Drew and Tony Stark in the comics

My crossover ship: Diana Prince

send me fandom/ship/character asks!

[orionsangel86]

1) Hey Saz, this is the person from Tink's long-ass 5-parter ask. This is going to be even longer. I'm on anon because of shyness above all things but I am willing to message you off anon if you want me to do so! I saw what you wrote about that ask and I agree.... to the most point. All the 'characteristics' of Destiel that differenciate it from other ships that you listed were actually applicable to some the ships I was talking about, especially Johnlock. -->

--> 2)The other ships, yes, you may be right, but for Johnlock I felt even more wronged intellectually when it crashed to the ground than I think I'll feel if the same thing happens to Destiel. I'm going to sound like a Johnlock shipping troll, but I'm not, I ran away from the mess of a fandom it became post-season 4. So bear with me. I really can't explain what my experience was at the time if you aren't familiar with tjlc and what the pre-season 4 sherlock fandom was like. -->

-->3)But let me assure you that it was extremely alike the spn/destiel fandom right now. I want to point out the similarities of the fandom and the ship but that would basically mean me explaining why Johnlock should have been canon, and I don't think you are here for that. So let me just point out a few things. By the end of the honest-to-god fanfic-y 3rd season, the GA were taking notice of it as well, to the point where, yes, the show is being called the worst queerbait ever even to this day.

--> 4)It frankly deserves it. And it was 2017.... we thought it was due fucking time. Guess it wasn't. When looking ay bibro blogs I can't help but be reminded of Johnlock antis. At least when that was a thing, you know, because you can't be an anti of something when it turns out you were right. We made fun of them, because how the fuck can you see jealousy at weddings, literally killing for the other the day they meet, -->

--> 5) having something secret to say that they can't bring themselves to say even after the other's death, being broken over the other's death TWO YEARS LATER AND ON THE DAY YOU FUCKING PROPOSE TO YOUR GF, prefering the other over your string of girlfriends, counting the texts a woman sent the other, COMING BACK TO LIFE AFTER LITERALLY FLATLINING BECAUSE THE OTHER IS IN DANGER, and, you know, constantly making both of them have shitty relationships and be unsatisfied romantically.... -->

.... and read it all as platonic? The show literally falls apart if you take away Johnlock... sounds familiar. You know, one of the writers for Sherlock is gay. So I believed in him, after all gay writers won't queerbait, how could they? (turns out they could.)......But I digress. I won't blame you if you just glossed over what I ranted above. Actually some of the reasons I'm still holding out hope for Destiel is 1) How atrocious the last season of Sherlock was, worst than Supernatral at its worst. 2) The sense that everything is coming full circle in this season(which we didn't get, btw, in even the last season of Sherlock). 3) Misha fucking Collins. And you know, although i heatedly ranted above in response to your response, I did it only because I wanted to justify what I spent near three years on. I didn't want to leave you thinking that a ship like this didn't exist before, because in my opinion, it did. So sorry. I was being spiteful.About the 'Greatest Love Stoty Ever Told', which was in fact the big fandom tagline for Johnlock as well....... I think I'll wait and see. If it is endgame, then I agree that it really is the greatest love story ever told. And I also agree that the show seems to be going that way

Hi Nonny, 

So this is all in relation to this post and I think that the easiest way to answer this is to say to anyone still doubting, including nonny, to just read the various replies and reblogs on that post, because the answers are perfect. 

Also nonny I know we have spoken in private already and you said that you were feeling better after reading the responses on that post as well so I won’t go into too much depth here, but I still wanted to post your asks in case there are still people out there feeling the way you do.

This is going to be my opinion on the matter, which, of course, is just that. There are many many people out there who were greatly upset by Sherlock and I feel for you all. Its not fair what happened and what that show put you through. Your feelings and your views on the matter are 100% valid and real and nothing that I say here is trying to contradict that. You saw a love story between those characters. That interpretation, like any interpretation of a text, is real and never let anyone say you were wrong. Johnlock still exists within the text of that show, just because it didn’t end with a kiss or a love confession doesn’t mean that it isn’t a valid reading. 

I started watching Sherlock before I ever got into Supernatural. When it came out in 2010 I LOVED it. My film student lizard brain picked up on the Johnlock subtext pretty much straight away and aside from some very brief thoughts of “ooh that would be a different spin on it” I didn’t pay much more attention. I continued to watch Sherlock second season in 2012 and again I noticed the subtext, but at this point recognised that it was all done for humorous purposes. I never thought they would go there. I didn’t “ship” it because I didn’t even know what “shipping” was at the time let alone thought John and Sherlock were more than friends who happen to get mistaken for a couple. That was the gag. It was what made my very typically straight male young brother giggle like an idiot because apparently being mistaken for gay was funny. (It’s not. I hate those jokes. They don’t work outside a Carry On film and I don’t even like Carry On films).

When season 3 came out in Jan 2014 I side eyed the series because I had had enough of the gay jokes. I thought it was getting weird and could see that there was a beautiful bond between the characters that imo was being twisted for cheap laughs. I pondered on whether this Sherlock was in fact in the closet, Were they trying to tell us that he was secretly gay? I didn’t get it because it was never clear enough to me that this was the case and yet they continued to play around with the concept whilst the character of John is off with his fiance. My brother continued to find the whole thing hilarious. It was never taken seriously. My musings on Sherlocks sexuality were pushed aside because it seemed clear to me that the writers were not taking it seriously.

Then over the summer of 2014 I binge watched 9 seasons of SPN. I struggled with seasons 1 and 2, made it through 3, watched 4 and fell in love with an Angel of the Lord. It took me 10 episodes to figure out Cas was gay. It took me a further 2 seasons of umming and ahhing in my own head to conclude that yes,  Dean was definitely Bisexual. It took until 6x20 to realise that this was legit something in the text and not my imagination. It took until season 8 for me to believe 100% that they were going there. (I wavered a bit on that belief in seasons 9 and 10 but season 11 pulled me back and I haven’t looked back since.)

In the early seasons, 4, 5 and 6, I recognised the patterns used between Dean and Cas were the same used in Sherlock. I re-watched Sherlock at some point in 2015 and remember thinking damn yeah they really were shoving the subtext in our faces a bit. But I still didn’t ship it, even though I was 100% shipping destiel at that point. I again pondered Sherlock’s sexuality, had a brief thought of “I’d like to see that take on the story” but again discarded any thought that it would actually be textual in a show that imo seemed adamant in keeping it all about the humour. If they weren’t going to take this characters sexuality seriously, then the story was never going to seriously be explored. 

See if Destiel had always remained the way it was in seasons 4, 5 and 6, then I wouldn’t have any belief that it was going canon. I would probably still ship it (the sexual tension in season 4 was insane) but the idea that it would go canon would have always been a pipe dream. So many shows use the queer subtext as a source of humour. So many shows tease their characters as queer and use homoeroticism for titillation. It delights my idiot brother to no end. I hate it. I think it desperately needs to stop. I have never ever watched an episode of Sherlock and thought that it was doing anything other than just that. (I didn’t particularly like the 4th season though because nothing made any bloody sense and I think they kind of butchered the characterisations - I did say this would all be my opinion though so please don’t take offence).

You say that the show falls apart if you take away the romantic love story and make it platonic. I guess if I was to watch it again I could try to consider that reading, but my own experience watching seasons 1-3 is certainly not from a romantic view point and it all made sense to me. Season 4 didn’t make sense at all, and by the time that was on I was deep in destiel fandom and frequently writing meta, so I DID see the romantic reading in the text and yet still didn’t understand the story. (Again, I stress this is my opinion and is in no way trying to invalidate your own). However, with Destiel, the last three and a bit seasons narratively don’t work without it. I have tried to watch them and ignore every romantic moment, or hint at a romantic love between them, and in doing so, it confuses the fucking plot. I need to sit down and catalogue all the ways seasons 10 to 13 don’t work without destiel to evidence this but it would be a pretty epic job because there are ALOT. 

I understand that you feel that Johnlock and Destiel are similar ships, but my opinion is that they drastically diverted course from each other when SPN went into its eighth season. Since then, there has been nothing quite like destiel in terms of build up and story structure - unless you start comparing it to the straight ships.

Where we are right now, destiel is deeply ingrained into the narrative of the show, and it is never used as a gag. It is never poked fun of in a way that reduces Dean and Cas’s relationship. Something that I believe Sherlock did right up until its last episode. I also 100% believe that the SPN creators and cast have a much greater respect and love for their fans than the Sherlock writers and cast ever did. (I’m not much of a fan of Bendydick Cucumberpatch and I have never been comfortable with Steve Moffat... dunno why the guy just gives me the creeps (then again so does Bob Singer)). They have been so positive towards Destiel recently that I am constantly stunned whenever new media or PR comes out. I am also of the belief that someone as wonderful as Misha Collins who is a champion for the LGBT community and cares deeply about making the world a better place would never ever involve himself in something that if it didn’t happen, would be considered the biggest queerbait in TV history. Breaking the hearts and severely angering millions of fans all over the world. Misha is a very smart man. He knows exactly how much this means to us and what it will do to us if it doesn’t happen. He doesn’t exactly look worried though. He doesn’t ever look like he is guilty over encouraging this ship? He looks like a fucker who knows whats up and can’t wait til we finally get to be in on the joke so he can tweet about it 24/7.

If destiel doesn’t happen, then Misha, of all people.... well... I’d have to rethink my entire opinion of him... the idea is so unfathomable for me, so impossible, it hurts my head to even consider. Did you ever feel this way about BC or Martin Freeman? 

I just can’t believe that the people behind SPN would do that to us, but the people behind Sherlock? Well it didn’t exactly surprise me when it didn’t go canon. The BBC isn’t exactly known for being progressive. It’s known for playing it safe. If Sherlock was on Channel 4 I reckon they would have gone there. The Channel 4 execs probably would have encouraged it from the start. They would have considered it ‘edgy’. 

I know that the CW isn’t exactly the most progressive network either, but its a young network, with a younger demo compared to the grumpy old pensioners who sit and watch BBC every night and complain that their tax payer money shouldn’t be going towards anything other than gardening shows and Eastenders. Soooo I think that has something to do with it too. The CW has a greater chance of pulling something like this off. 

I’m so so sorry that Sherlock burned you. But don’t give up hope on destiel just yet, the factors are all currently in our favour. No two ships are alike, and in my opinion, Destiel is the motherfucking Symphony of the Seas compared to all others. It’s bigger, better, and hopefully, due for launch in Spring 2018.

[proofthatihaveaheart]

I'm gonna send a lot :) :DC, Marvel, Borderlands, Gayperion, Carol Danvers

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my (DC):

Favorite character: i have a lot of characters i really love in dc but no one really jumps out as my top favorite above all others…. i’m going to say selina because i love her in a lot of media and i picked up the current batman comic to read about her specifically (and then dropped them when she left lol, i’l have to pick up her solo series sometime too) 

Least Favorite character: hmmm………..i don’t know……….can i say jervis from gotham specifically? he makes my skin crawl in a very bad way and i kinda want to punch him in the face. although he also has his charming moments and i think his power-set makes for a very interesting villain hmmm. OH can i say all the various Big and Boring Cosmic Villains like Steppenwolf??? they all blur together and i just don’t care about any of them

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): selina/bruce, harley/pamela, oswald/ed, raven/beast boy, diana/steve

Character I find most attractive: diana aka wonder woman aka have my heart

Character I would marry: as much as i want to say diana, i feel like i would constantly be overwhelmed with awe around her so maybe that’s not a good idea………. can i marry bruce for his money?

Character I would be best friends with: if she wasn’t evil, pamela, she could be one of my fellow grad students (y’know, in another life). i would hang with steph too, she’s cool 

A random thought: dc was my first superhero love, teen titans specifically, and that show probably laid the groundwork for what i want in my superhero teams. also i should get back to reading dc comics

An unpopular opinion: i don’t think this is unpopular exactly but the joker is overused, there are so many other good batman villains 

My canon OTP: bruce/selina (GIVE ME THEIR WEDDING YOU COWARDS)

Non-canon OTP: harley/pamela except it’s canon in some verses if i remember correctly sooooooooooooooooo :) 

Most badass character: i want to say diana……..and i can’t think of anyone more badass so

Pairing I am not a fan of: clark/diana is just Bad, what were they thinking?

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): it’s comics, who hasn’t been screwed up by a writer at some point? ok but jokes aside, no one specific is coming to mind right now

Favourite friendship: i love all the batfam so *points at all of them* 

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my (Marvel):

Favorite character: i don’t know how you could possibly expect me to choose a single character when there are so many………….. carol at the moment, kamala and mj and peter (parker, not quill) in general are at the top of the list too

Least Favorite character: ……………….there’s probably someone i hate…… but no one is coming to mind…… i guess thanos? i can’t believe he got a solo series 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): the spidey ot4 (peter/harry/gwen/mj), steve/tony, carol/jessica, carol/maria, clint/natasha

Character I find most attractive: ooooooooo, a good question. i think i’ll go with carol because brie larson is

Character I would marry: if it had to be a superhero, janet. if not, gwen and we would run away together and never get involved with the angst of superheroes

Character I would be best friends with: maybe cindy moon (she likes pokemon! and is just a lovely person!) or gwen 

A random thought: in the avengers tower that absolutely exists and that they all live in (at least part of the time), tony builds additional rooms for all the new members. he puts glowing stars up in carol’s room and calls her space-face and laughs when she chooses star wars for movie night because of course that’s what you pick, danvers    

An unpopular opinion: spider-man h*mecoming is bad and it isn’t a comics-accurate adaptation of spider-man, let alone the most accurate

My canon OTP: any of the canon ships within the ot4 - but if i had to choose just one, it’d be peter/mj. all the good comics history

Non-canon OTP: THE SPIDEY OT4, MY ULTIMATE MARVEL SHIP

Most badass character: CAROL ‘SORRY I’M A BADASS’ DANVERS

Pairing I am not a fan of: sp*deypool is the ultimate notp. i don’t get why it has such a massive following

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): see my above point about comics (though the other thing about comics is that once there’s a switch in writers, it often resolves itself). currently, i feel this way about peter (although i’m behind so maybe spencer’s undid all the slott nonsense) + eddie and the symbiote (not so much their individual characters but the relationship between them)

Favourite friendship: steve and carol and tony currrently

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my (Borderlands):

Favorite character: lilith or fiona

Least Favorite character: i love them all but salvador is….. well i just don’t have as much of a connection to him (sorry sal) 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): lilith/roland, brick/mordecai, fiona/rhys, rhys/vaughn, athena/janey

Character I find most attractive: lilith. also amara who may outcompete lilith, we shall see

Character I would marry: would i marry any of them?? (the answer is no but i guess if i had to, maybe janey? at the very least, she could repair any problems in our house)

Character I would be best friends with: janey possibly

A random thought: each set of vault hunters is a weird dysfunctional family and nothing can convince me otherwise (i will be sorely disappointed if the bl2 gang aren’t close in bl3)

An unpopular opinion: there’s more to borderlands than handsome jack and i wish fandom would focus on some of the other characters more 

My canon OTP: lilith/roland or athena/janey

Non-canon OTP: rhys/vaughn just edges out fiona/rhys

Most badass character: zer0

Pairing I am not a fan of: rhys/handsome jack

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): no one really except where they killed roland and it was sad

Favourite friendship: i love timothy and athena as friends 

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you (gayperion):

when or if I started shipping it: i think it was sometime during episode 1???? i can’t remember a specific moment, it just kinda happened

my thoughts: they’re very good and it would be even more amazing for them to date now. can you imagine the ceo of atlas with the scruffy leader of a bandit gang (who also happens to be a math nerd)? SO GOOD 

What makes me happy about them: they’re best friends, they have a lot of stupid jokes between them, they very clearly would go to the end of the earth for each other

What makes me sad about them: the fear that they may never interact in bl3

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: there isn’t enough fic for me to have noticed any annoying tropes

Things I look for in fanfic: any fic in general

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: rhys/fiona

My happily ever after for them: they haven’t spoken for a while but vaughn comes along on sanctuary (idk how he ends up there, maybe he’s upset with his bandits leaving for the children of the vault) and then he hears rhys’ voice over the comm for the first time in YEARS, he could cry, he’s so happy. anyway us vault hunters help rhys out with his maliwan problem, vaughn and rhys reunite, there are tears and hugs and then they kiss and have to figure out what they want (hint: they want to be together forever but rhys has a company and vaughn has his bandits and they need to navigate that complexity - but they do and it’s awesome)

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you (carol danvers):

How I feel about this character: if you told me last year that i would fall in love with carol, and read everything i could with her, i probably would not have believed you. but here i am, almost caught up with the captain marvel comics and helplessly in love with her. i love her bravery, her humor, her impulsiveness, her kindness, her fight-me attitude, her determination, her cockiness - really i love everything about her and i’m inspired by her drive to be better and to protect as many people as she can (also the whole speech but especially this quote at the end of captain marvel (2012) #1: and we will be the stars we were always meant to be GETS me every time i see it, i love ambitious ladies who reach for the stars)

All the people I ship romantically with this character: carol/jess is the ultimate 616 otp while carol/maria is the ultimate mcu otp. i also like carol/rhodey and i read a ship manifesto for carol/wanda that has made me interested in learning more about them

My non-romantic OTP for this character: steve and tony, i can’t choose between her two relationships with them because they’re both so good (it might be tony??? he helped her through aa and i love their snark? but then steve and carol are also very good). also in the mcu, nick fury, their chemistry is GOLD 

My unpopular opinion about this character: i hate that so many people have started putting carol into the role of peter’s mom/aunt, not every adult that interacts with him is automatically his parental figure and she has no real reason to feel that way towards him. also they went on a couple dates in the comics and even though i don’t ship it, it’s weird to think about

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: LET HER DATE A WOMAN

My OTP: …………how could i possibly choose between carol/jess and carol/maria………….they’re both so good in different ways

My OT3: i don’t have one for her although now i’m considering whether a jess/carol/maria situation would work idk i feel like it wouldn’t just because there would be this imbalance in two of them having superpowers and maria unable to join in their superhero battles so??? idk. i need to think about it a little more

[zoetic-aerography]

It’s funny when people can lie and be a total dick and not ashamed of themselves and then block me just on the grounds that I challenged, not even relegated or rejected, their ship. You guys are totally successful in life aren’t you. That is why you can’t politely challenge me back. I noticed many of the Korrasami stans attack me not my arguments. And one made such a stupid argument of Mako bringing Wu to the reunion meeting (So, lemme get this Wu is a future emperor and he needs to be protected and Mako will not listen to Lin Beifong and then Wu would have successfully been kidnapped making Mako, Korra and Asami look bad and that’s okay right?)  that I didn’t know what to say. 

Firstly, I am happy KA is getting a comic. I needed that comic to answer many of my questions about KA like when did Asami become really interested in Korra and when Korra also thought of Asami more than a friend. Also, having Mike tell that they went to the spirit world to “know each other” is a stupid thing to say. That completely unhinges all the things that KA fans used to say that this is why Asami and Korra are together. Asami and Korra knew each other beforehand, as KA people say, and also I think there is some truth in it. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE TOGETHER. The fact that Bryke knows nothing about their ship was pretty apparent. Even I know more about KA without being a KA fan. And, that is telling something.

Secondly, The KA fandom should be ashamed of themselves, Literally, even if some asshole Makorra fans acted mean to some KA fans during 2012 when the show first started no one was in that emotionally, mental and physical anxiety and TRAUMA after KA fandom started bullying them. You guys are not good people. You may kid yourselves thinking you are. But you are not. Ganging up and witch burning people, making T-shirts out a meme someone even didn’t write which was redacted still the person apologised for, telling people they are not queer basically erasing Korra and Asami’s bisexuality. Who the hell do you think you guys are? This is a bloody ship like Makorra is a bloody ship. I am not gonna strip down people to nothing but bones and then shatter them because they don’t like Makorra or Zutara or any ship. This is like the epitome of being bad people. You know there is some KA fans who actually are decent and actually are annoyed how their fandom acts. They realised that they loved their ship but they also love ACTUAL, LIVING BREATHING PEOPLE. People who go through the same problems as you. People who love and get hurt as you. People who might be facing bullying in real life as you and treat tumblr as their safe place. You know some of those fans maybe closeted queer people themselves, or queer but not so vocal about it or queer and are vocal about it. Just like you. But you made a ship come before them. You basically undermined the very thing KA celebrated. At least when I DO celebrate KA I don’t forget how so many people can like it. My criticisms were aimed at writing and how Bryke handled things not people. And stop it with your catch-all homophobia argument because you guys, I have seen, are biphobic, demiphobic and acephobia. You don’t support each queer category equally. You say KA is representation then you shatter the very queer spectrum it stands for. 

Thirdly, I had to write this. I am tired of people vilifying me to the point of me being nonexistent more than ships. I exist. In different dimensions. Our ships don’t. They never will. They only exist in our heads, hearts and media. But we all have to live the everyday world. I am so tired of people dehumanising me to kingdom come. Of me getting panic attacks and feeling like I am being completely pushed outta orbit just because I didn’t completely like one ship. I loved many ships, of many orientations, since 2005 and even earlier. Even before I knew the word queer I have been shipping queerly without my consciousness knowing the words, labels and placement. And, suddenly because I only criticise not even condemn one ship I am like a demon? If I criticise I can criticise well. I criticise because I want the best representation. I want people to look at a show and feel happy and validated and for all posterity. Not like oh maybe they could have done this and that. Why should a show have so many severe failings if they are standing up for a disenfranchised minority? Why should a fandom be so damn divided? Why should people be harming themselves and others? A fandom should be a place where people can rely on each other. We go through so much every single day. No one even asks us. And sometimes that’s okay if fandom allows us to forget. Why should it not? You guys want inclusiveness on YOUR terms. That is the mainstream either/or argument. You don’t want inclusion or a safe place for everyone. You just want everyone LIKE YOU and NO ONE ELSE. This is the problem in the world today. You guys are creating NEW EXCLUSION POLITICS and NEW CATEGORIES then being done with the labeling and excluding. You guys are acting just like the people you hate. You guys are doing it within new categories. How can you just do this suffering as many of you have? Doesn’t this hurt your conscience?  Frankly, it should.

Fourthly, I am gonna always root for Korra, Asami, Mako and Bolin. I will support the Krew and I will also support KA when I see it helping people. I have always done this. I will always never undermine how someone relates to a ship and how it makes them feel because it is IMPORTANT TO THEM. I criticise writing and studios because I love writing myself and I know I would do KA hella justice because even if it were not my fav ship I still knew I could not let it go off either way. Being an adult and being a person means to handle your responsibilities to the fullest even if it may be something you don’t necessarily always enjoy and necessarily always like. Frankly, this also happens when you love a ship: your OTPs can cause you frustration. This is how you learn, how you face and overcome challenges, how to grow and connect with others. I tried my level damndest to act as responsibly as I could. I wrote posts because I wanted people to debate and discuss with me, and some of you have. I did not write the posts to hurt anyone and to make them feel small. The responses I got for them were aimed at trying to humiliate me, condescend me, tried to dehumanise me and make me small. This is NOT what discourse or analysis is about. It is about trying to understand and shape better ideas and execution. I even wrote KA fanfiction, have my own KA headcanons (if people asked me they would know) and have seen Korra and Asami with other women of different fandoms. I did it because that is what I do. I have always been a polyphonic and multifarious shipper.  Yet, no one knew that about me. Just a few posts talking about KA wasn’t handled as well and poof people came at me with stakes as though I was vampire sucking the life force outta them and needed to be messed up through the heart. It completely hurts. Other people by now would have said EXTREMELY mean things back But I am not other people. I wanted to handle all of this with dignity, grace and understanding. But none of you all left much of that. What you guys left me was the option to leave. It was the “my way or the highway” at work here. And you did cast out others to the highway of desolation. Maybe, you also did this to other shippers like you. Nowadays I see the signs coming up of intra-fandom malevolence. That is also very sad and pretty callous. 

Fifthly, fandom has become like 1984. It is either what fandom brother wants or we will cull all out of you that you are driven insane enough, hopeless and helpless enough to look starry eyed, blank eyed and with tears of desperation, and consciousness gone done-down the drain and say “I love Fandom Brother.” Why should things be like that? Why should we make memes out of misquotes and redacted material? WHy should we gang up on everyone and why should we make t-shirts to humiliate others? The fandom who does this can they really say they are part of a minority? The mainstream all act like this thus people who did this are part of that slander and bullying culture. The net, just because it has no libel lawsuits and no seemingly written down codes of conduct, is not an anti-materialist space. Just because we say Cloud doesn’t mean a cloud is not layered and built on things. This is not a scenic landscape of codes and faraway data. This is a space, a bridge where you actually walk, talk and meet people. YES PEOPLE. ACTUAL LIFE FLESH AND BLOOD PEOPLE. Who go through things just as you or regardless to you go through life. Demonising someone takes away their humanity: both their bad and good. Demonising someone makes you try to take responsibility for their actions, good or bad. Demonising someone means you don’t count them human enough. Fandom should not be this. Fandom should be accepting. 

Sixthly, Fandom should stand for diversity. And should not go after people who have different ideas of diversity than you. It is easy to say people are prejudiced and discriminatory without knowing them. Actually, read and then try to understand. Fandom people can be young and not know much. Fandom people may be old and not know much. Fandom people ARE NOT ALL WHO THEY ARE AND HOW THEY ARE WITH THEIR SHIPS. You can criticise how they are handling something but ALL OF US SHOULDN’T GOING AROUND SAYING PEOPLE ARE MESSED UP, HOMOPHOBIC, SHOULD BE AVOIDED AND BLOCKED just because they didn’t MEET OUR EXPECTATION of “who they should have been.” We can make requests but we cannot demand unfairly. We must understand that people will take time to understand things and we should be be patient with everyone. If we can wait over 1 year to see a ship in a comic can’t we all be patient with other people? We can. And, we should.

TL; DR: Fandom should not be Fandom Brother. It should not police anyone to the point it is equivalent to a totalitarian state. It should be accepting, inclusive and loving. It should welcome all forms of diversity. It should be kind to people not shipping what they are shipping. It should be patient with others. It should be ashamed of witch burning type actions and not make memes to humiliate people, should not also do that with apparel like T-shirts. People involved in fandom should understand that being an adult and a person means taking responsibility for everything, even work that you may not necessarily enjoy and like, and being answerable to your actions. Just because it is the net and called cloud still means it has layers and materiality. It is not a dimension of non-matter we carry all that we do and say. Fandom should stop being bullies and STOP the intra-queerphobic mentality of one queerness is “more queer” than the rest (yes KA fandom looking at you). Fandom should not call out people as homophobes and other names so callously because words can destroy people’s lives and their reputations. Fandom should grow up.