#i truly think it's bc i was in an active abuse situation tho from the time i was 3-25 and most people got away at 18 and i didn't

[emiliosandozsequence]

there's being behind in life and then there's whatever i've got going on

[menalez]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[tottymatsuno]

Where's my mute Todomatsu sadstuck fics??? I think if Karamatsu gets to be blind in aus then Todomatsu being mute would be equally devastating.

Imagine Todomatsu who has never been able to be seen as a sympathetic character and who has always been a reacting party is suddenly rendered voiceless from trauma? We saw in s3 that Todomatsu went mute in episode 5.

What if one day after getting beaten up by his brothers for admitting to his real feelings he thinks, "it'd be better if I didn't say anything at all." and slowly stops verbally responding until one day he realizes he hasn't actually spoken in weeks and everyone seems happier for it. That everyone is a bit nicer to him since now that he doesn't speak. And then that feeds into the self hatred that it's Todomatsu's fault, and not that he lives in a highly toxic situation.

The fun thing is when his brothers realize then it's on Todomatsu's head that their mistreatments escalate. Suddenly the dry monster is too good to talk to his brothers, too stuck up to even say anything bad. They might start bullying him even worse especially if they find out Todomatsu isn't even injured. I think the anxiety of this would all compound because what does Todomatsu actually have to defend himself?

Within the sibling dynamic Todomatsu is the unwanted runt (even tho bae is big sexy tall) of the litter so what does he do when he's all bark and no bite? How would Todomatsu react when he's cornered in this way? It'd be sad to see Todomatsu who is someone people rarely like enough to find actually pitiful in this situation.

Todomatsu is the type of person you see in an abusive situation and turn a blind eye to. The type of child adults know is getting hurt but can't help but blame their misfortune on the child's attitude even if the child was polite and kind. A "they don't seem too broken up over it" even if the child is in the hospital.

Todomatsu for the audience invokes that same apathy, he's too "manipulative" (which isn't really true bc he's able to manipulate pretty sheltered and naive brothers and always gets caught), too mean (to the people who take joy in beating him as a group activity), too selfish (as someone who shares every aspect of his identity and is never alloted anything truly for himself).

So even if this happened on the anime I don't think it'd have the same response by the viewers as his brothers especially his more popular brothers. Todomatsu is still called the devil of the group when he doesn't do much worse than his brothers bc hes not seen as pathetic. People seem to forget that Todomatsu is actively being held back, he's unwanted where he is and isn't allowed to be anywhere else either. No one offers to help Todomatsu and I don't think he's secretive bc he thinks his brothers dont care. I think he knows they do and they care only enough to drag him back down to their level.

He's not someone we typically pity because he quietly suffers and does it so well the audience doesn't pick up on his tiny screams for help. They're just quirks of his personality and not seen as indicators of trauma. Todomatsu one day realizing no one likes him fundenmentally, nobody cares if he's in pain as long as he's there. So what's the point in speaking anyway if everyone hates him either way?

You take away his venue for comedy and fill the space with an awkward silence. You take away his reactions and the roles he plays and will people notice in a positive way and reassure him or will the harass him for not performing correctly? Idk it'd probably go both ways but Totty doesn't deserve his fandom treatment and he doesn't deserve his in universe treatment. He's a good boy and all he wants is to be loved.

[crossdressingdeath]

tbh i think one of the biggest issues in mdzs is false neutrality. standing aside while other sects get eaten, looking away when someone is dragged to be sacrificed, giving the reigns of post-war handling of prisoners aside entirely. equating a broken arm to a pierced gut, saying an impulsive, regretted moment of self sacrifice is the same as one deliberated upon. sect loyalty to innocent lives. looking away when xy was pardoned to not create any rifts. i think a lot of the time 1/6

theres reasonings! understandable but not excusable reasonings as to why inaction or insistence on compromise/peace/”neutrality” was preferable than picking a stance. but inaction doesnt make things inexcusable, ignorance is not innocence, and to be neutral is to be complicit, even if the outcome wasnt what they chose. a lot of the time theyre not to blame for the outcomes but that doesnt mean theyre not at fault. imo the ones who get it the harshest are the most neutral characters no matter 2/6

how good their intentions are. jyl, jzx, lxc i feel got it the worst? jzx looked away and ignored the problem until it blew up in his face. jyl stood aside and tried to be “neutral” for so long that her actions devolved the situation. lxc worked to compromise between 3zun when instead a better course of action mightve been to firmly get them to separate instead (even tho nmj nd jgy did choose to go for the brotherhood too).  like its not like any are to /blame/ for their choices, but its 3/6

something to think about ig. lost my train of thought but mostly i was just thinking about how “staying out of it” or “not favoring any side or the other” inevitably favors one side. irl when someone says “i stay out of politics/buzzword issues” its bc they can afford to, their inaction favoring the oppressing side. when someone is ignorant of issues that doesnt mean theyre to blame for that but that they need to dig deeper into the world around them. 4/6

tho like ngl i kinda :/ a little at jyl and lxc because i get what they were trying to do but man… jzx has the excuse of just being really out of the loop for things but jyl is there to see with her own eyes the imbalance between what wwx and jc says, lxc probably couldve been more concerned about Clan Decimater xy getting into jgs’s graces over causing trouble for jgy. not his own sect but, idk, i keep thinking about it to pre ssc when the bigger sects all looked away from the smaller sects 5/6

this is a really long chain of asks, sorry about that, but yeah i meant to point out earlier how its not just an in-universe problem but also from a fandom perspective. never gonna get over how ppl are like “jc and wwx have equal love bc they made equal sacrifices!” when its clear that its not equal, that jc once loved and then regretted while wwx loved and refused to regret or think on it further. jyl choosing wwx once doesnt absolve her choosing jc every other time :/ 6/6

Yeah, I think a good chunk of MDZS revolves around how there comes a point where you can’t be neutral, because even trying to be is in and of itself favouring one side or the other. In MDZS attempted neutrality ranges from sympathetic (the other sects not fighting the Wens straight away because they didn’t think they could win a fight and hoped that if they stayed out of it the Wens would leave them alone) to considerably less so (the sects letting JGS keep XY alive and active even after everything he did so that they didn’t rock the boat, JYL enabling JC’s abuse because he might get annoyed at her if she stepped in on WWX’s behalf), but it’s always... a problem. People very much simplify everything that happens down to equal conflicts and equal relationships, but I don’t think there’s a single truly equal conflict in this entire novel; they’re all the sort of conflict where staying neutral is taking the side of the more powerful party, because the weaker party can’t win without help.

[surfalldaybaby]

”A Very Long and Comprehensive Analysis of Feyre’s Experience w/ Trauma and Abuse

- This is not a kind analysis of Nesta but please still read it if you want. It’s not in the wrong tags tho so please don’t rant about how much you love Nesta. I love that for you. Personally, I hate her. :)

Also- I use many of the quotes that @feysandlover and @dont-rattle-aelin used to prove her point that Nesta is abusive because she pulled many of the really jarring ones. 

I was looking through the Rhysand tag and for some reason someone posted something comparing Nesta and Feyre in terms of their trauma, and they said that Nesta had experienced way more trauma than Feyre and I-

That’s disgusting.

First - don’t compare trauma

Second- they were wrong and lacked critical thinking skills that left out Feyre’s full experience with abuse

Nesta was sexually assaulted ( which nobody talks about enough) and her family’s fortune flipped making them poor overnight. Because of this she fostered anger towards her father. I get that. I sympathize with that. She is then taken away from her life and forcefully changed into fae. I cannot imagine what that felt like for her. It must have been devastating. Her whole identity was shifted in one day and she went from hating fae to being fae. Confusing and overwhelming. She then goes into war and develops PTSD and depression from her experiences. She sees her father die and is unable to reconcile her anger and his death. It’s horrible and I cannot even begin to understand the depth of her emotions here. I have zero issue saying that about Nesta because it’s true she has gone through extaordinary trauma and I cannot imagine how she fully feels. She deals with this trauma in unhealthy ways because they only exacerbate her feelings of worthlessness. Not her fault. However, she also treats Mor and Feyre and Rhys in disrespectful ways and Cassian and her have an unhealthy dynamic where they insult each other. Her and Amren have a shaky and partner like relationship but it is by no means a sturdy one. Az and Nesta don’t seem to have a relationship at all. She has no true healthy relationship with anyone but Elain, and you could argue even that is not truly healthy.

Much of Nesta’s trauma is due to extraneous factors and a multitude or variables. It’s valid and it matters just as much as Feyres. They are both real. However the amount of traumatic experiences she has gone through does not come close to rivaling that of Feyre’s and to even try and compare them is disgusting. Trauma should never be compared but I want to show Feyre’s experience in a broader light to show her development from a scared girl to high lady

Feyre was never an active abuser in any relationship she was always the one being abused. Nesta was abused and she was also the abuser. It is important to point that out because it heavily impacts Feyre’s story.

Also, I believe the reason Feyre became so accustomed and slipped so easily into being a victim to Tamlins abuse is because Feyre was already the victim of emotional abuse from her sisters. We see this everyday, research shows that victims of abuse go back to abusive relationship and form new relationships that center around abuse because they are used to it and find it comforting. This is an extraneous point that you can agree with or can argue against it’s just a personal connection I made. However, it is very evident how Nesta and Elains treatment of Feyre affects her. She has no self confidence, she remains illiterate and with no real knowledge of polite manners ( something important in the real world, something that holds her back from being able to assimilate into the real world), her spirit is broken down at home because she knows  that verbal attacks are going to come and Nesta is going to lash out and say horrible disgusting things to her if she asks her to do something or holds her accountable for her lack of work. She is constantly degraded for everything that she does and it has a pronoucned effect on her psyche throughout the trilogy and novella. 

Like Nesta, Feyre also had to go through her family losing their fortune, she also had to bear the weight of her promise to her mother, she had to support her sisters financially going into the forest alone to hunt animals just as big as herself at 14. She never had money for herself because her sisters took it from her. Like they literally took all her money to buy things they did not need, leaving Feyre with basically nothing.

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said at last with a sigh, at the same moment Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.””“I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s still-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together only by fraying laces... I drowned them out as they began quarreling over who would get the money the hide would fetch tomorrow…”

 And Nesta complains and whines and doesn’t stop gaslighting Feyre because of her lack of hard work. But, she doesn’t want to do work herself because she thinks it’s beneath her. 

“I thought you were going to chop wood today. Nesta picked at her long, neat nails. “I hate chopping wood. I always get splinters. She glanced up from beneath her dark lashes. Of all of us, Nesta looked the most like our mother—especially when she wanted something. “Besides, Feyre,” she said with a pout, “you’re so much better at it! It takes you half the time it takes me. Your hands are suited for it—they’re already so rough.” My jaw clenched. “Please,” I asked, calming my breathing, knowing an argument was the last thing I needed or wanted. “Please get up at dawn to chop that wood.” I unbuttoned the top of my tunic. “Or we’ll be eating a cold breakfast.” Her brows narrowed. “I will do no such thing!”

She doesn’t care about Feyre or the fact that starving is their new reality. Poverty is what they live in. We all know if Feyre didn’t go hunting Nesta would be furious at Feyre and belittle her and make her feel small and responsible for their hunger.

“Take those disgusting clothes off.” 

“Any bit of praise for anyone—me, Elain, other villagers—usually resulted in her dismissal.”

“Is there a problem, Feyre?” She flung my name like an insult, and my jaw ached from clenching it so hard.”

“You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?”c“Take those disgusting clothes off.” 

“What do you know?” Nesta breathed. “You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” She stormed off, Elain darting after her, cooing her sympathy. 

Then Tamlim comes and kidnaps her. More trauma. She falls in love with him, I think partly because of Stockholm Syndrome and also because he shows her a level of kindness that she was not given at home, and then he disappears so she has to go back to her life with her sisters. Her sisters have all the benefits of her being stolen away bcs Feyre was able to provide their old house and wealth back through Tamlin’s gift. Her sisters literally never did anything to provide for themselves or help their father or sister. If you really think about that situation as a whole it’s devastating. Then she goes to save Tamlin and finds that her home and her loved one was basically destroyed. She goes to save him.

While under the mountain Amarantha humiliates and tortures her for fun. She makes her run around trying to get away from a monster, her illiteracy is exploited for amusement while she is under pressure of death by fire, she is forced to kill fae in order to save her love, and she has to suffer with her injuries in a basement where everyone is rooting against her.

Then she fucking dies. And like Nesta she is forced to become fae in order to survive. Like she can’t catch a break. Her whole life has really just been horrible and so traumatic. A series of abuses.

That’s not even all! She goes home and is deeply depressed and struggling with PTSD and Tamlin, who she literally was tortured and died to save, takes advantage of her sexually because he is too scared to acknowledge that she is struggling. He uses her body for his pleasure while she throws up every night after he leaves her bedroom due to the nightmares she gets from saving hundreds of fae. She is also forced to fit into a box that she doesn’t want- wearing dresses, pretending to be happy, becoming a figurehead as Tamlins bride knowing that it means she will have to be submissive and have children. Lucien emotionally abused her and ignores her obvious depression because of his own fear of what Tamlin would say. He is a bystander. She is so broken that she stops caring about everything, even painting, the one thing she always loved. Then he traps her in his house which is traumatizing again because she was just trapped under the mountain! Even the people she loved, the people she trusted, continually can’t stop abusing her.

She finds happiness and stability later on after intensive work on herself, and months of building healthy relationships, but she is still troubled because of the guilt she feels from the townsfolks anger and their sense of righteousness for her actions even though she did the best she could in every circumstance. When she goes to try and save those townspeople it becomes clear that Nesta still hates her. She shows Feyre no kindness. The only reason she is allowed to use the house, the one that Feyre got for them, was because of Elain. Even after that Nesta insults her repeatedly for being fae. Those statments from the first book that I quoted higher up in this post are just a small part of how she speaks to Feyre in the following three books after she finds out that she is fae. Even after Feyre saves her and supports her she continues abusing and blaming Feyre. She continues to insult. degrade, shame, and humiliate her to uplift her own lack of self worth. Its a technique to stop her own insecurity and depression but it is in no way excusable. It’s no wonder Rhysand hates her. She abused his mate for years- something that he experienced under the mountain (shame, gaslighting, and humiliation). That is her life. She goes on to see her father murdered. She suffered so much in such a short amount of time is a wonder she wasn’t more broken.

Don’t come to me saying Nesta experienced more trauma to prove your point that Nesta is a good person and not responsible for her actions because she “feels to much” and is a woman that is cruel, and prideful, and unapologetic “bcs that’s who she is.” She has to be held accountable for her actions, her attitude, and her lack of words and apologies to everyone she wronged- especially her sister.

Feyre sacrifices her childhood, her body, her mental health, and her life in order to provide the stability that her sisters felt was their norm. They are inherently priviledged because of that sacrifice. They felt and still feel entitled to her money, and her loyalty, and that of her friends and mate. They survive because of Feyre. And Feyre never once called them out on their behavior, not even when they continually disrespected her after she provided them with a place to live and money to live off of. This was due to her feelings of guilt and the trauma that she had continually been victim to as a child and in Tamlins court.

Some of y’all use the excuse that they never asked Feyre to do any of that and I’m genuinely appalled that that is even a response to her genuine sacrifice. Her mother asked her to take care of them. Nobody was stepping up. Nesta was not going to go into the forest and neither was Elain, both for different but equally disappointing reasons. They both would have let the family starve. Also, Nesta and Elain were both older than her. Elain and Nesta as Feyre’s old sisters should have, and had a responsibility, to ensure that Feyre didn’t have to do what she did. Their apathy and ungrateful attitude is disgusting. Disgusting and unforgivable. Sure, Feyre may have been able to do it but she never should have had to. The three of them should have figured out a plan of equal work to give and take and survive. Y’all saying that Feyre never had to do that I- ... do you not have a family? Do you not have loved ones? You don’t have to do something to help your family, but you do it anyway because you love them and you hate to see them suffer. It’s just that usually you aren’t being exploited and taken advantage of at 14, for years on end, because the sentiment is usually reciprocated.

Perhaps if they had taken better care of their younger sister she would not have been in the woods and killed the fae. Perhaps all three of them would have bore the brunt of their fathers injury together and made a family. Perhaps if she hadn’t killed the fae in the forest when she was starving due to her sisters laziness, Elain and Nesta would never have been forced into being fae.

They neglected Feyre. They aren’t as responsible for her as their father ofc but they actively neglected her and Nesta even slut shamed her for her consensual sexual relationship with Isaac. The one thing she had that her sisters couldn’t take and Nesta called her filthy and disgusting for it.

“At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” 

Nesta remains unapologetic and to me she is not a feminist character. Sarah J Mass tried to use her as that trope to fulfill her idea of a “powerful woman” icon but she’s just a cruel and traumatized woman who people let off the hook. She gets away with it because she gaslights other characters while taking no responsibility for herself. She was abused and traumatized herself but that’s never an excuse for her in turn abusing someone else.

Now I don’t mean to say that Nesta or Elain are irredeemable. Frankly I think they both have potential to be good characters if they just apologized to Feyre in the next book, and really put those sentiments into actions. I do think Nesta is a bad person right now, I think she’s an abuser. And I think it’s hard for abusers to change their pattern of abuse. Elain is less of an outright abuser and more complicit in the abuse. I don’t know if either of them can change, but they definitely won’t if people keep letting them off the hook for their disgusting behavior. I am not impressed or charmed by either of them. Until they show a hint of gratitude and remorse to their sister because as y’all can tell she went through hell to make sure they were taken care of. Not to say that they didn’t do anything for Feyre. They both  had important roles to play in the war, and they do have their moments of kindness and bravery and showed they cared for Feyre but abusers can be kind and considerate and brave one minute and then switch up just as fast. It’s about showing a consistent pattern of respect and love. 

Just because Feyre took care of Elain and Nesta their whole damn life does not mean she has to be responsible for them as high lady. Also she is not responsible for knowing how to deal with their trauma. Her own abuse, and lack of real world experience- because Nesta and Elain never taught her to read, and Nesta continually degraded and made cruel remarks to Feyre about her lack of manners “ disgusting pig, take off your clothes didn’t anyone teach you ...” (manners she didn’t develop because she was in the forest)- means she is not perfect at confronting Nestas PTSD or depression. Feyre’s intention was always good, whereas you can’t tell me that Nestas was good and pure. She is not exempt from being respectful and kind because she is hurt and has mental illnesses. She is not exempt from apologizing because she “feels to much.”

This applies to all of the IC as well. They are all healing. They all experienced trauma that rivals what Feyre went through. It’s no wonder they built a family from that shared bond. They are healing together- not healed. Nesta is not entitled to Feyre’s care or her friends kindness. She is not entitled to be added into the group painting or their secret jokes or parties because she continues to push them all away. Then she insults them and disrespects them. The inner circle has already suffered so much they are not exactly going to be open to accepting Nesta knowing her history and her current actions and remarks, and the history of the IC. Do y’all not remember Mors family nailing a stake into her body for losing her virginity? Or Cassian, Az, and Rhys being forced to bond together to survive, being called bastards, and being ganged up on by all their peers? Rhys being sexually abused for 50 years and seeing his parents murdered? Az being stuck in a basement so long he became the shadows and his hands being burned so badly they were hard to look at? Or Amren being in the wrong body for centuries and still she and all of the IC remain a family because they try to understand each other and their experiences. Nesta was not only rude to them she was cruel and spiteful, especially to their high lady, and they don’t need an excuse, but especially as victims of abuse, they are not perfect, and they sure as hell are not obligated to embrace Nesta into their family. The IC and Feyre deserve better.

A lot of people have posed the argument that if Nesta was male everyone would love her but I disagree. If an older brother let his sister go hunting alone in the woods for years while sitting on his ass, slut shamed her and called her dirty and disgusting, blamed her for her family’s poverty and spoke to her like she was trash for years and years, verbally and emotionally belittled her, felt entitled to her possessions and her kindness while they were both struggling to heal from abuse, predisposes his sister to accepting abuse as a form of relationship, and then rather than apologize “steels [her] back” and says nothing-not even an apology or a thank you for saving their life tenfold- he would never even have gotten a redemption story, or a mate, let alone a 700 page book. He would be the most hated character in the series but because it’s Nesta and she’s a woman and y’all pose her as this feminist it’s okay that shes abusive all throughout the series.

[thekinkpopstandsforkillme]

It’s been 109 days days since I asked hehe do you by any chance have the pairing written up yet? I’d love to finally be able to start your work..💕

Not gonna lie... I forgot this wasn't being posted... I really thought I had already posted it...

ANYWAY, part 1 of 5!!

This is being viewed as dom v sub relationships between them, so this is implied 18+ i guess???

chan/minho

* chan is minho's baby!!!! Minho caregiver 100%!!!!

* Chan needs someone to take care of him bc he gives and gives and gives bc he doesn't know how to Not Do That or Stop Doing That

* so Minho gently turns that into Chan being able to Let Go for a second, to Breathe.

* Minho makes sure Smexy Nights focus on chan recuperating and not having to deal with the responsibility of seven other lives

* but also, let's be honest!!! sometimes. things switch up. bc minho is Wine Mom of the group and deals with the Secondary Issues and things get hard!!!

* even then, tho... minho is still hyper aware of chan and tries to make it easier for him

* but yeah. minho absolutely just. takes away everything for chan. and chan loves him so fucking much

* i feel like their dynamic is very push and pull. stable in the way that they are each others rocks but fluid in the way the waves change and bend and fold.

chan/changbin

* changbin needs a good cry sometimes, ya know?? and chan gotta hug n smooch things better 🤷‍♀️ i don't make the rules, i just enforce them idk what to tell you

* chan has to be rougher with him tho. Like. Love wise.

* not necessarily rougher sex wise but definitely rougher love wise

* bc like. changbin is going to Need That Type of Reassurance.

* changbin is def the type of person (at least w chan) that can't always have the soft words

* chan: LISTEN!! TO ME!! 🗣🗣🗣 YOU ARE L O V E D AND B E A U T I F U L AND YOU DESERVE TO E A T AND STAY H E A L T H Y AND IF I HAVE TO BEAT UP YOUR BRAIN IN ORDER TO LOVE YOURSELF THEN I W I L L

* changbin, as his lizard brain activates: oh yes plz brain being dumb need hold

* i feel like their roles really don't flip

* changbin is very much in need of someone to take care of him in the way chan can and they love each other so v v much

* i definitely feel like chan would be more inclined to give his thoughts to changbin without sugar coating things and i think that's super important in their dynamic and it leads into their bedroom life as chan forces changbin to continuously communicate with him

chan/hyunjin

* okay listen. It changes. Hyunjin is too used to bouncing around in order for their dynamic not to as well

* in the way of: chan is still the dom whether he is top or bottom, but their positions change

* bc hyunjin needs control sometimes and je finds it in topping and feeling like he has the power in the situation without actually having the power.

* he's so afraid of it, of himself, and he and chan are working on it, but still

* it's hard.

* but also. Sometimes. Hyunjin just needs chan to wrap him in his arms and squeeze him and help him forget the rest of the world.

* chan is willing to give and give and give until there’s nothing left of himself, but he’s also willing to take and take and take until hyunjin doesn’t think life hurts as much

chan/jisung

* they're soft. so soft.

* and giggly.

* and touchy.

* neither of them would be able to take anything seriously. grinning like fucking idiots while their teeth bump, which only serves to make them laugh harder.

* chan would be the top (and dom), but if jisung is feeling spicy, who is chan to deny him?

* and jisung wouldn’t be able to let go of chan. they’d be touching c o n s t a n t l y. and chan 100% indulges him at any moment

* even so, jisung is Tired Constantly^tm, so he Does Not Do Work Ever^tm

* but he likes being babied :((( let him be babied :((((

* i just feel like it would be fun, ya know??? like they’re best fucking friends above all and they’re cute and in love and they just wanna make e/o happy

* and chan would be super good about making sure both their sex life and their non-sex life stay healthy

* by that, i mean: he would be super careful not to diminish his sexual relationship with jisung to a reward system attached to his mental health

* he'd be super careful that jisung doesn't think they're only having sex bc he isn't feeling well or bc he's feeling better and that he's undesirable when he's not feeling well

* and i think that's super important in all relationships but especially in a relationship like theirs (esp bc i think jisung has really bad rejection sensitive dysphoria)

chan/felix

* baby duckling imprints on mommy duck energy

* like felix does a little !!!!🥺!!!!!

* have you seen fruits basket??? where haruhi is watching over kagura??? and kagura just [is baby] and haruhi just [drops everything!! squeals, hugs, dotes!!]

* yeah that’s them

* felix: [says a single word]; chan: holy shit take my soul just- just take it, no don’t worry about it, here take my wallet too oh my gosh you want food??? i’ve got some in my backpack.

* chan = soft dom, felix = the babiest. like. THE babiest.

* and don't get me wrong-- i'm not trying to infantalize anyone in any situation, i just feel like this is the type of person felix is. he needs constant reassurance and physical affection and blatant, direct acknowledgements to understand that he is enough and doing well

* with this in mind, felix 100% wants to be called good and sweet and pretty and loved!!!

* and chan is INDULGENT. AS HE SHOULD BE.

* and the aftercare??? a straight fucking HOUR of chan holding felix n rocking them back and forth and promising felix that He Is The Best Ever

chan/seungmin

* okay, well, i have a l w a y s headcannoned seungmin as ace

* (shut the fuck up I'm not projecting, you're projecting.)

* despite that, nonsexually, seungmin= biggest bottom ever

* chan= biggest service dom ever.

* that man is wrapped around seungmin's fingerrrrr

* seungmin wants him to walk away from dinner???? Done. Bring him apple slices in bed???? Absolutely. Carry him through the house For No Reason??? Bitch you KNOW it.

* even so. Seungmin is too Good to (truly) abuse the power he holds despite knowing chan would walk to the ends of the earth for him

* so chan tries!!!! But seungmin says 🙅‍♀️ and chan says 🥺 and seungmin goes hhhhhhhhhh okay but just this once!!!! bc he is Weak As Well

* all this to say, i think they have a very give and take relationship

* and neither of them want to take bc they're scared so they keep giving and giving and giving

* and idk maybe sometimes those clashing personalities start a fight, but they work it out in the end and try to do better, to take as much as they give, to realize that it isn't selfish, isn't bad, to let the other take care of them.

chan/jeongin

* jeongin brat. try to tell me otherwise. SIKE! YOU C A N ' T!

* but in the way where chan goes "!! Take care of yourself!!" and jeongin goes "😂 that's cute that you think I'll listen to you 💕 make me."

* spoiler alert: chan does.

* sometimes, ya gotta pin your s/o down and get them to drink water and eat and love themself.

* it's kinda like holding a cat that likes being held but makes you fight for it (in a healthy and non-oppressive way)

* but you'll "fight" them for it bc you love them!! and you'd do anything for them!!

* and you know that they only fight you bc they feel like no one ever put them first in their life so they know if they make you work for it and you DO stay and keep trying, it means you actually do love and value them

* and that's on trauma 😎

* so yeah. Chan will take the challenge. Bc he loves his traumatized s/o

* and i think that's super important as well, recognizing your partner's trauma and taking it into account without diminishing them solely to their trauma

* and chan does a good job of that both in and out of their bedroom

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[eternallovers65]

I was watching ikon tv on YouTube again and that made me look at a bunch of old clips from kpop, and I just want to say FUCK THE BIG 3 SO MUCH OR ANY OTHER COMPANY THAT TREATS IDOLS LIKE SHIT

JYPE

Blatantly favoritism over Twice and Stray Kids, which leads to overworking them, and zero to nonexistent comebacks to got7 and day6 (idk about itzy bc I'm not a fan). For example in 2018, Twice had 6 comebacks (japanese/singles included) and in both 2017/19 they had 5 (japanese/singles included) Stray Kids on the year they debuted, 2018, had 4 and in 2019 they had 5 (japanese/singles included).

This situation got so bad that during a vlive Jeongyeon cried because of how overworked she was. She, Mina and Jisung had to take a break from promotion, I know that those breaks were in different eras but I think that there's a link on why only members of the most overworked groups needed a break.

Also Got7 has like zero promotion, when they had the world tour ahgases were the ones to promote then, because jype didn't bought ads. The boys songs were refused so many times, Mark's schedule were canceled so he couldn't meet his family. They refused to give a solo career to Yugyeom and Mark, when they failed to protect the boys from the sasaengs which lead them moving out so many times and on why Jackson got injured.

Edit: I am more than glad to say that today, 10th of January, all members of Got7 are leaving Jype. #Got7forever💚 I love you boys, thank you for 7 years of happiness, and I'll proudly continue to support all of you

How they forced that visual and hairstyle on Jeongyeon, even tho she didn't wanted it, she said during a vlive that she wanted to grow her hair but the company used to cut shorter everytime. They are extremely strict with the weight and the food, a few artists like Sunmi already said that. Somi has told some stories about how they had to sneak food and hide eating in the bathroom, and when Momo was forced to lose 7kg in seven days only to appear in a showcase.

The famous situation flag situation with Tzuyu. She was 16 when that happened, she introduced herself as Taiwanese and held the Taiwan flag as well. Which lead to many to many chinese users saying she was a pro-independence activist, she was barred from the Chinese television and suspended of all her activities in China. 2 months later, on the day of the election in Taiwan, Jype posted a video of her reading an apology saying that there's only one China and she is extremely proud to be Chinese. She was 16 at the time, and you can see during the video that she is so scared, sad and clearly hesitating on saying what she's reading, the whole video just has this weird, forced vibes. The 3 presidential candidates said that video was too cruel for a 16 year old girl and that she didn't need to apologize.

YG

I will never forgive yg for disbanding 2ne1, for not helping G-Dragon when he was accused of plagiarism and started suffering from depression but had to continue with the promotion. Same thing with Top that was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression, and suffered a overdose because of the marijuana scandal but yg had also nothing to say.

For releasing Hanbin in a DAY because of false accusations, while it took them WEEKS to release s***gri and only after he released a statement saying that he was leaving bigbang. And for not telling the public or for not defending Jennie during that time everyone were saying she was lazy when in fact she had an ankle injury, but still continued the promotions.

SM

Whether we like to admit or not, SM is probably the best company in the kpop history if we're talking about success, they have a formula that works over and over again, it's a pattern, we can especially see it in Suju, Shinee, Exo and Nct. But omg they have zero compassion for their idols.

Starting from the training, we all know the training for the debut is really difficult, but a lot of people say that between all the companies SM is the worst one, they are extremely strictly and controlling , especially the managers who abuse the power. They have this curated-ness that is quite toxic, and leads to an incredibly perfectionistic and controlling management system. Kai used to practice 8 hours a day so that everything was perfect, like surely work it out bc Kai is one of the best dancers in the industry, but still that's a lot of hours you're basically overworking yourself (I think)

As a result, many idols have even more outstandingly brutal beauty standards than there already are in the kpop industry generally. especially intense weight-loss standards, Taeyeon already said this, during the first 5 years of GG she was constantly battling with eating disorders. Baekhyun has this diet where, instead of eating the food he only chews and then spits out, Sehun in 2017 (I think) had this stage on the Exo tour and he said that he spend an entire month on diet, so he could do that stage. Taemin said on a few episodes of Mtopia that he was on a diet, but you can clearly see that he was extremely thin. Also they have a part in their contracts about plastic surgery, you can see that almost every SM artist has done it a double eyelid surgery.

The blatantly favoritism over Korean idols and the mistreats that happens with idols that aren't Korean (especially with they're chinese), as we saw many times already with examples like Tao, Kris, Luhan, Lay, Winwin, Ten and Lucas before they joined WayV. Or favoritism with certain members of groups, like Taeyong in Nct, of course that favoritism is a part of their formula but still pretty fucked up.

They have such a questionable promotion, like I already read once about. They said that SM promotes the new groups so they can form a better fan base and that way no longer will need the promotion, but still this is extremely bad. Like with BoA, Tvxq or Suju who are still relevant but we barely hear news about them because SM doesn't promote then, and I can already see this with Exo especially in their latest comeback.

They manage mental health horrifically. Like with Taeyeon in 2014/15 when a member (bc SM treated Jessica as garbage) of her group had to leave, which lead to the midia saying it was her fault alongside with the hate she received at that time because of her relationship with Baekhyun, that lead to her depression and eating disorders. Same thing happened with Baek, although he didn't receive the same amount of hate, he still had to suffer with his relationship being in the spotlight while 3 members of his group left, because AGAIN SM treated them as fucking garbage.

For stop carrying about f(x), as a result lead to a witch hunt on Victoria saying that it was her fault for that happening, for Sulli who was suffering from a mental illness but never received a break nor the protection from the media that used to say that she was a bad example. For Jonghyun who was also suffering from depression but never got any help or a break.

And our latest examples Irene and Chanyeol. I don't approve Irene's actions, but the fact that the media is so ruthless with her it's ridiculous and even more ridiculous of SM to not defend their idol, especially when there's so many other celebrities that are WAY worse than her. And for Chanyeol, who was accused of cheating on his girlfriend 10 times, but SM had nothing to say or to defend his image. It took the fans for that to happen, the fans were the ones to find out that was a fake and cover up scandal so the news about the government crisis were not to be seen.

They are so bad at dealing with idol apologies, like why did Taeyong in 2016 had to apologize for something he didn’t do, but they never had anyone apologize for their racist or the cultural appropriation that the idols have done many times already in a lot of mvs????

That's why I hate the kpop industry and the media so fucking much, bc they're ruthless and assholes who are putting so much pressure on the idols, who in the end of the day are humans and are deserving of things like love, privacy and a break to take care of themselves. I truly adore kpop and the dramas, but I'd stop watching and listening with all of my heart if it means that they would stop treating humans beings as fucking trash! They deserve so much more!

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

[mci-writing]

Aftermath (Overhaul's Daughter Pt. 2)

Warnings: Child abuse mention, Child abuse, Mental Abuse, Self blame, Child Witness to Violence, Child Violence, Mention Child Witness to Death, Gore's in here somewhere (it's just a mention tho), Crappy formatting bc I hate transferring things from Docs on mobile

Sequel to this

You hold on to your father's pants leg for dear life, stumbling on your small legs to keep up with him as he sped walk down the hall. You didn't know exactly where he was leading you, nor did you understand the look in his eyes each time he'd gaze to make sure your smaller form was where he last saw you. You feel him begin to pick up speed, leading to your tiny hand letting go of his leg as you tumble to the ground. The impact hurt, leaving a small scrape on your knee. He freezes once he notices you're not there anymore, turning to see you hold back tears from the pain. There's a hesitancy to lift you and once he does, the hold almost feels distantly held out.

"You'll have to bond with your child eventually, Kai" He's quick to pass you over to the boss, nervously patting your back with a quivered reassurance before swapping his gloves out for another pair. His shoulders relax their tension, the goosebumps that were forming easing down and his eyes sending the innocent youth a small glare before rolling themselves in disregard for you altogether.

"I'm not too concerned with that, if I'm being honest" You watch as he walks ahead of the two of you. At the ripe age of 4, you get your first dose of reminder that your father didn't even really want you around, "I've already had to kill one of our best people because they're alive… And I'm not risking another one"

~~~~~~~

You peak around the corner of the building as the smoke of the battle’s aftermath clears. You’re almost tempted to run out and help the younger girl you’ve spent a majority of your lifetime envying, maybe end your lives together on one last good deed that you owed her after sitting through and letting her take the crap your father dealt to her, but your unable to move your feet as her quirk continues to threaten the boy’s life. You turn your head out of pity as flashback after painful flashback reminds you of just how deathly her quirk actually is.

Another man manages to disappoint your father, another lowlife thinking he can just take the drugs as he pleases. The outcome was an obvious, bloody stain on the wall that you’d seen and even helped the others clean many-a-times “to help build character”. You’d stop shivering each time a man was one-shotted somewhere around useless casualty number fifty. The next part, where Eri came in, always kept you up at night where you wondered when you’d finally been used up to your full potential so they could be rid of you in a similar manner. Overhaul always remarked the second part was punishment for forcing him to get his hands dirty.

You still feel the tight grips Chrono would leave on your shoulder when he believed there was something you should see, even after they faded within a few years per your father’s request. You could still never quite describe what happened when Eri’s quirk was forcefully activated, but the painful screaming is something you can never seem to shake from even some of your fondest memories.

It was always in the deep crevice of your mind that you could easily suffer the same fate some day. Overhaul could always make up some excuse along the way that reminded you of how you were conceived, punishment for your mother's fate of having you, and no one would stop him. The only man that would was currently on his deathbed in position where you couldn't help him, no matter how much you wanted to.

"Hate to do this to the old man, but he was getting in the way" You never exactly knew if he was talking to you as he worked on setting the boss up, but you still listened closely as he instructed before. You knew to never get close, using your telekinetic quirk to pass him the supplies he asks for.

"Does that mean we're helping him?" You know this is wrong and against everything Shie Hassaikai stood for, but speaking up against it would more than likely put you in a similar situation

"We're helping the Shie Hassaikai, no matter what it takes. You feeling sorry for this sets you as a threat as well, understand?"

"Yes, father, I understand…" You didn't understand at all.

A small warmth seems to hit your body as two fairly different hands grip each of your shoulders, a nice set of happy fangs meeting your upwards glance. You struggle to remember either of their names, mainly due to those around you constantly asserting that their involvement with you and the plan were completely irrelevant. The two converse among themselves as they lead you away from the scene, acting almost as if you weren’t truly among them, even after the entirely awkward tumble that even led you to be with them in the first place. You’re positive you don’t want to recall how clumsily they grabbed you during their escape, either.

You instead let your mind wander to your father and Chrono. There’s a small sliver of concern for Kurono- Chrono, seeing as you were completely unable to get even a slimmer of a glimpse of him after the split up. Part of you is hopeful he escapes with the drug and serum, gets it somewhere safe, but another piece of you knows better and no matter how unfair you may believe it is, it’s happened and all you can hope to do is… move on.

Overhaul… your father, was a different story as you watched his final performance from the sidelines. Every ideal and lesson over your lifespan seemed to come full circle with that one fight, the passion and drive over the past few years seeming to lead up to such a climactic event that you’re sure the old man even would’ve enjoyed if he weren’t on his deathbed. Your father-

No, Overhaul. Overhaul deserves this defeat for all the shit he put everyone else through. Even if it was his greater good.

You suck in a deep breath, slowly releasing it to calm yourself of the suddenly defiant and ignorantly emotionally charged thoughts running through your head. What he did was right, this... was just a small detour to his ideal society.

~~~~

You’re unable to distract yourself from the weird tension in the air as you're forced to sit on the wobbly wooden stool under you. Shigaraki Tomura, the man that, in exact detail, told you how he assisted your father in making his dream come true by robbing him of his arms, sits across from you in an old leather chair. The fake leather peels from the arms and middle of the thing, but Shigaraki and his associates ignore the downside. A weird musky scent fills the bar that’s known to them as their ‘hideout’ (which was either disgraceful to the word or was just an extreme exaggeration for such a… dingy, abandoned clubhouse). It makes being ignored by your father in the comfort of the Shie Hassaikai hideout seem like the sweet life as a small dose of misplaced pity lands somewhere in your being for the League and their low funds.

"You're the last thing standing in my way now, you know? You're the last of that dreadful Yakuza group and I could simply remove you from this level right here if I wanted, kid, but-"

"It smells like ass in here, I'm going home-" You move to stand, only stopping once a knife is pressed to her neck. A soft giggle sounds from the owner, the teenage girl from before that led you away from the rubble of the crime scene with that other guy is standing to your side, her hand pressing the cold blade to your neck. She's bubbly as she threatens you with it, so much so that you almost miss the scarred hand from your other side gripping your shoulder that presses you back in your seat.

You spare the man a glance, his face equally as scarred and stapled. He gives you a small grin of his own back, his hand giving your shoulder a threatening squeeze, "Don't move, kid. I'd hate to burn you to a corpse when you're just so useful"

You stare for moment before slowly turning forward towards a smirking Shigaraki. You hold back a frustrated huff as you come to the realization that you're going to be stuck with the League for awhile and there's a creeping in the back of your mind that reminds you that you'll have no place to go after all of this. There's no reason as to why, seeing as you were one of the most irrelevant pieces of the group. All of their threats were gone, imprisoned by the heroes. Your father had no arms because of this crusty man. And yet, they held you here, wasting their own time for some kid that was nothing but an accident from a highschool hook-up.

You knew deep down exactly what they would put you through, all the threats and torture you'd face for answer on the bullets and the serum. Answers on things you knew very little about-

"Overhaul never cared enough to even glance my way. How would I even be the next threat to your empire?"

Makes prison suddenly seem like a better alternative...

[babydollsmadd]

25, 23, 29, and 30 because i hate (love) you and want you to suffer 💖💖💖💕

EYYYY I’m finally getting around to finishing these lmao. (also I just noticed u changed ur profile picture???? I’m iN LOVE ❤️✨❤️)

WARNING this is super mega long!

I ended up writing a lot of these for all of my paras bc I can’t fucking stop myself n you’ve honestly heard enough of my mains and not enough of my others so I Had to I’m so sorry

this entire post ended up being such a mess and I’ve been working on it for weeks I’m so fucking sorry

send me emoji asks!

🏈 Does your para enjoy playing sport?

Zazie does actually enjoy playing sports quite a bit, just.. alone. He’s not a team player, and often doesn’t know his own strength, so it’s better to let him do things on his own. He used to do a lot of running & parkour, but nowadays he mostly just works out on his own. He still does gymnastics tho. Tatsu very much loves playing sports, be it soccer, football, whatever, he’s in. He likes team sports, but he’ll still go work out alone most of the time. With Nyru it’s a bit more complicated, bc on one hand she has to be in top form for her concerts, but on the other, she really hates sports and just moving in general. Usually Zazie motivates her n they end up working out together, but otherwise, she doesn’t like playing any sports. Nyro plays a lot of chess, that counts right? Otherwise, he & Nyra really don’t like sports either. Meg & Ao tho work out a ton and always look incredible, and especially Meg enjoys playing sports, even if she’s not the best. She’s also quite strong tho, so that’s nice. I think Rin would be into sports as well, he’s all about a healthy balance in his life. He spends so much time painting, that I feel like he’d take some time for physical activities as well. Daiki is a fucking nerd and hates sports as much as Nyru, a subject they like to rant about a lot. Suki probably isn’t into sports either, like at all. Ami.. yeah actually. She spends a lot of time with the more active in the group, especially her brother, so she’d be into team sports as well.

🌼 Describe the aesthetic of your para (can include visual)

OKAY u already know how much trouble I’m having with this one but. My first plan was to actually write them down, like, all those posts u always see, but I only really liked the one I wrote for Zazie, all the others I disliked. Now I’m going back to wanting to make boards, and I think that’d be really cool, but I just do not have the energy to make all of those first, so I’m putting this on my to do list and hopefully I’ll actually do that at some point lmao. Now I can finally post this beast. ✨

✍ Write headcanons/imagine about your para(s)

OKAY so uhh. With any other person I would just take some more points from my hella long list of fun facts about Zazie, but you know literally all of them. I think?? Yeah literally every single one of these I’ve told you about. So. Huh. What do I do now. We’re at a point where I can’t tell you shit about Zazie & Nyru bc you literally know everything. So let’s see if I can come up with some other facts about Tatsu on the spot bc he needs more love.

despite the fact that he’s been appearing a lot less in my daydreams, my heart still goes ❤️🚨❤️🚨❤️ when I think about Tatsu. 

i mean COME ON he’s amazing and he needs to come back I miss him!!!!!! I just feel like he’s been.. sorta withdrawn and depressed since he’s no longer with Nyra. That happened a while ago tho, idk maybe he’ll finally come back soon.

not sure if I ever told u this?? but he also doesn’t have a gag reflex. like at all. zero (0). 👀 for some reason he likes to bring this up in the most random moments too.

he’s actually fluent in 4 languages, at some point Zazie dragged him down the rabbit hole and they learned a bunch of languages together. these are English, Spanish, Japanese & German.

he has an incredible voice as well, obviously. it’s relatively high, but has this.. hmm I guess seductiveness about it? not sure how to explain it lmao. apart from Jay Kay & Brendon Urie, this song here is very close.

he can hit ridiculously high notes, on the same level as Nyru actually.

I told u this before, but his theme song is hey look ma, I made it due to how fucking perfect it is for him. he was very close with his birth mother, but she died shortly after his sister’s birth. his step mother was very abusive & made their life a living hell, and now, many years after they’ve gotten out of that situation, he still wishes he could show his real mother what has become of them.

he really didn’t deserve all of the bad shit that has happened him. sadly, he’s kind of a sheep, he just follows along with whatever’s happening. he’s not a bad person at all, he truly has a heart of gold, he just doesn’t have the strength to actually fight against anything. not really.

so in situations where he has to do bad things bc Zazie basically tells him to, he’ll do it, matter how much he hates it. man writing that out is actually heartbreaking damn.

he has a lot of regrets in his life, but the biggest one is probably his relationship with Nyra. he really did love her (still does tbh but don’t tell anyone), it’s just that he really fucked that up. and I don’t think he’ll ever be able to have a normal, healthy monogamous relationship the way Nyra wanted. so that’s heartbreaking as well. why did this turn into me talking about how fucking sad I am about Tatsu lmao ok we done here

🎙 Write a poem/song/or a story with song verses about your para or parascom

nshjfbkjdsbfkjds u know I hate poetry & I’m way too insecure about my writing so we’ll just uh… write down a fitting song verse for each of of my paras.

Zazie

I ain’t niceNo I’m quite a dickI’m the bad guy who’s makin’ you sickIt’s easy for meI’ve got no shameI’m in it for the money and fame

Nyru

But I got a mind to show my strengthAnd I got a right to speak my mindAnd I’m gonna pay for thisThey’re gonna burn me at the stakeBut I got a fire in my veinsI wasn’t made to fall in line

Tatsu

So I don’t feel loveBecause I got no faithI’ve seen those twisted lies thrown back into my faceI’ve heard the crazy doctrines of the human raceI must be alone

Daiki

Got an eagle beak with the ostrich feetSeven spider eyes for every day of the weekMeans I’m still up working while your bitch ass sleepsI’m an alien among the human beings

Nyra

Picture, picture, smile for the picturePose with your brother, won’t you be a good sister?Everyone thinks that we’re perfectPlease don’t let them look through the curtains

Nyro

Triangles are my favourite shapeThree points where two lines meetToe to toe, back to back, let’s goMy love, it’s very late‘Til morning comesLet’s tessellate…

Megumi

I just keep elevating, no losses, just upgradingMy lessons, made blessings, I turned that into moneyThank God I never settled, this view is so much betterI’m chilling, I’m winning, like on another level

Ami

Well you think that you know what I am but you don’t‘Cause I say what you can’t and I do what you won’tI like it loud really proud like a crown upon my headI’ll always be this way ‘till the day that I’m dead

Ao

Somehow, you’ve remained modestFlashbulbs pop, paparazzi goes wildWith amazing grace you walk and smileThey answer to your beck and callYou’re flawless

Rin

Prove to yourselfThere’s nobody elseRaise up your handAnd leave no man standing

Suki

I see how your attention buildsIt’s like looking in a mirrorYour touch like a happy pillBut still all we do is fearWhat could possibly happen next?Can we focus on the love?

[mingyubias]

& i know this is ?? like a month late?? idk but !! someone way back when asked me about my hevie/descendants hcs/thoughts so i’ve decided to make a lil list that i’ll most likely add on to as time goes by and i get more info

first of all, i like to completely disregard the sugar coating that disney put on the entire series. for example, their lives on isle would’ve been grittier and much more cruel than what was depicted in the movies ( and somewhat the books ). i personally see all of their parents as emotionally and mentally Abusive ( bc they definitely are?? and melissa’s account of it def made more sense than .. disney’s igvfdn ).

also i like to imagine them? older? because i just cant personally relate to teens anymore so i see them as like 19 in my mind when im reading fics and the like ( especially since the ones ive read have hevie as sexually active ).

i really and truly dislike mal based both on her actions in the first novel and how she behaved in the films ( a lot of people haven’t read the books, but to sum it up, she spent 3/4 of the first novel tormenting evie first in a petty way and then in two (2) seperate life-threatening ways ). this has left me feeling completely cold towards mal and unable to sympathize with her in her tantrum in d2.

now, though i feel this way about mal, i can completely understand why evie wouldnt. it is literally written that evie brought out the best in people ( “The princess possessed a darling giggle that was so entrancing, it brought a smile to haughty Lady Tremaine’s face [...] The ferocious tiger Shere Kahn was practically purring like a contented kitten. And for old time’s sake, Captain Hook bravely stuck his head between Tick Tock’s open jaws, if only so he could make her laugh and hear that lovely peal again. The princess, it would seem, could make even the most horrible villain smile.” ) even when evie ass KNEW mal was planning something and despised her, she STILL did her best to give her the benefit of the doubt i? ? ? ?  ??  ??? ? ? a tru queen

i didn’t read rise of the isle of the lost so i’m not 110% sure how harry is characterized in the books, but uhh id die for him ..

and i also dont? think he and mal ever had a thing lol .. just bc thomas and dove are dating that doesnt mean they gotta add in an unnecessary plotpoint ( especially considering how it’s canon in both the books and the movies that mal’s never had a boyfriend before ben .. *eyeball emoji* ) so uhh miss me with that

and i know that hevie is? a crackship? so dont come to me with “hevie aint canon” like huney i know but theres also no canon evidence negating the possibility either

ok so on to the actual hevie hcs .. cos i think about them a lot vfjdnokm

she is 10/10 the one who showed him how to do the scary pirate eyeliner thing ok but in my mind it started out much cleaner so it was just yk liner but then after scrubbing at his eyes so much ( thanks, salty ocean air ) it just became easier to leave it messy

the blue bandana he wears under his hat ? evie’s. kinda like how knights used to wear the colors of their wives/betrothed w/e its like a subtle claim and him making a lowkey gesture and im Weak over it tbh

captain hook ? loves her .. not only because she clearly has Some clout on the isle, espcially since apparently her momma and maleficent are friends now ( ?? idk disney makin shit up ) so hes like ((:: well !! but on the other hand .. evie is just a generally good person and she makes harry happy and shes charming and beautiful and genuine?? ya i see him really vouching for her ( especially since i dont really consider captain hook a real? villain? ig? he just wanted revenge on the immortal brat who literally Sliced Off His Hand and Fed it to a Crocodile ??? ) so !! ya

evil queen def dont approve but uhh what she doesnt know wont hurt her ..

i dont see her getting along with uma like she does so much in a lot of the fics, though, mostly because i feel like uma would resent her at least a little for basically being the person mal replaced uma with, so .. also for snatching half of harry’s time ( cant have a first mate who’s more loyal to someone else than his captain ). i also don’t see harry and uma as a couple, mostly because i imagine she’s at least a few years younger than him .. like everyone else felt older than they were in the movies, but uma def gave off 17 y/o vibes to me ( so did carlos but hes a lil baby and i love him )

that said, she’d get along really well with gil tho cos shes so kind and understanding and i dont see her getting so easily annoyed with him like everyone else does. not to mention she was .. sorta? friends with his older brothers in the first book so vinjdkm. quasi sister for that boi

theres a lot less interference between the vks and the pirates than you’d think? mostly because they keep it a secret from drama queen mal ( cos in my mind, carlos and jay prolly know cos i uhh trust them with info like this ) though i feel like itd especially put a strain on her relationship with jay since he dont like harry and he was friends with mal first so ..

a loooot of quiet moments in his cabin on uma’s ship .. just enjoying each other’s company on his hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, her probably playing with his fingers cos damn

just as many arguments tho cos theyre both hot headed and their personalities clash like a motherfucker honestly like ?? a ton of banter and low-blow comments that end in heated silence until evie cracks and apologizes or harry slowly grins and they kiss and make up wow i love my kiddos

10/10 see him climbing a trellis like a better version of romeo like vbifbhcjndm wherefore art thou, harry hook? bgvfnj anyways ya i see it very vividly in my mind, especially when theyre first getting to know each other .. like they have whispered conversations on her crumbling balcony and in her mind shes like “why does he seem so familiar????” and hes like “wow who IS this girl” and its cute and silly and he teases her the whole time and she teases right back wow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep ass conversations under the stars about what they’d be doing if they were free to go wherever they want .. him talking about sailing the seas as a captain of his own ship and making a name for himself and she realizes as time passes that princes? dont seem very important to her anymore ?? and the more he talks about how wide and vast the ocean is the more appealing it become for her and she begins wishing he’d take her with him sighs

her initiating their first kiss cos uhh pirate or not hes like .. shes a Princess theres no way theres anything between us .. right ?? but obviously she likes him smh silly boy and she rolls her eyes and is like “when are you gonna kiss me?” and he stares at her for a sec before grinning like the roguish pirate he is and doing just that & its surprisingly gentle and uhh reverent BYE

evie willingly kissing him even tho it smear her perfectly applied lipstick ((:: and as an add on to that, evie letting him turn her into a disheveled mess after a thorough makeout session, hair all tangled, lipstick smeared, clothes wrinkled ihbvfnjdm and she lk loves it cos he clearly thinks shes still drop dead gorgeous without all the theatrics her mom ingrained into her mind that she needed to be beautiful ((:: i live and breathe for the acceptance !! wow !!

the angst .. when she goes to auradon .. wow ...... im actually so hurt by it ???? and i def see harry feeling abandoned sighs rip in peace my happy kiddos say hi to pain and suffering (:

doug ? is not a love interest in my mind .. sorry kid .. ur a good friend tho <3 and evie is in auradon watching mal maybe get her happily ever after and evie’s lowkey bitter abt it but obiously doesnt show it cos uhh shes here to love and support her ugli friend !!

harry being a Broody Mess and it making him seem more malicious and vile than before .. easier to enrage, quicker to react .. yk, harry in the movie !

but at the same time !! hes juggling uma’s i-told-you-so’s and trying to find a way to prove himself to his father and wishing evie hadn’t ever left and it being .. no fun at all for him esp with gil muttering about how he wishes evie were around and making the whole situation Worse smh

at the confrontation ohh god !! not the big one with everyone and the wand but before when they took ben ??? damn his eyes RAKED up and down her trying to assess if she was happier without him or if she felt even a little bit of what he did and getting angry when she gets angry over him taking ben i ??!!

evie sneaking away to confront harry personally over it and them getting into a shouting match and leaving things unresolved and WORSE than they’d been before ughhhhh

then ........ few months later boi gets an invite to come to auradon ... color him Surprised over that .. he almost refuses but he thinks of the ship he’s always wanted and quickly packs up his cabin like a second later

evie  mentally considering taking harry off the list initially but then remembers that its his only gd chance to get away from the damn isle and out on the sea like he always dreamed & knowing she cant take that chance away from him just cos shes scared to see him again

that got away from me and felt more like fanfic plotting ... but uhh harry being the one who taught her to swordfight cos lbr who else couldve ? jay didnt carry one around until auradon and as far as i know evie didn’t have any sort of fencing lessons ( especially since it was a big deal for lonnie to have been on the team ). so !!

he also taught her a handful of other self-defense maneuvers beyond running and potions that never worked correctly on the isle cos uhh its a shady ass place and hes Worried about her

also he 10/10 calls her princess anyone who disagrees is free to do so but theyre wrong

she repairs his coat All The Time cos boy is always in need of patching up smh BUT she sewed her lil heart with a crown on the inside of his coat right next to where it lays over his heart cos uhh she loves him pce

him bringing her pretty seashells and trinkets he got from the salvage ships .. things like faded gold earrings and necklaces when one time he shows up with this tiny little shard of blue seaglass thats worn into the shape of a heart and she immediately makes it a charm for a bracelet & treasure it above all the other things she has lol !

them being 200% supportive of each other in general and loving one another despite the odds against them??? harry literally willing to risk everything for her ?? her honestly getting tired of hiding him and pretending she doesnt like him and one day just blurting it out to mal and bein like “if you dont like it then that’s just too bad for you” and walking out head held high but deep down freaking the FUCK out bihfnjde and harry being So Proud of her and willing to legitimately fight mal if she gives her shit over it bgvihfnj wow i just .. i just love them so much ..