#i try thinking about actually being to college but its like i've been a highschooler my whole life.

[macdennissurvivor]

Do you have a playlist for wishing well? ‘‚:3

i actually do i fear. sigh. i've been waiting for this day to come. here's the link:

it's been on private since the existence of the fic cuz i was too lazy to organize it in like. a semi-comprehensive order for the fic but i just did it now cuz i've been meaning to do it forever! here's kind of like a table of contents so to speak of the playlist

song 1: just the namesake of the fic and an amazing description of macdennis's relationship tbh, wanted to start out strong

songs 2-10: i would say this is kind of early macdennis from dennis's pov (highschool through college years probably); lots of confusion and denial and a balance love/hate of mac, he's unable to come to terms with things

song 11: can't forget this one !

songs 12-18: early macdennis (highschool through early college years) from mac's pov; lots of extreme pining and shame and feeling so in love while thinking its unreciprocated

songs 19-22: later seasons macdennis, more toxic

songs 22-26: songs about dennis leaving for north dakota and mac not wanting him to go/dennis wanting mac to tell him to stay but neither of them say anything...season 12 ddl finale vibes/boggs episode

songs 27-33: between season 12 and season 13 of sunny as well as tgmpga premiere of s13 where mac is coping with dennis being gone and trying and failing to move on

songs 34-42: s13 and s14 vibes where mac is extremely needy/dependent and wants to impress dennis and make things how they used to be while dennis just keeps denying everything and is a bastard man

songs 43-45: finally, the meat and potatoes; this is likely where i'd say the beginning of wishing well starts (chapters 1/2/3)

songs 46-53: chapters 4/5/6--mostly when mac and dennis start banging tbh--when dennis starts realizing more and more of his feelings (and continues to deny them)

songs 54-60: chapter 7--aka dennis being a little bitch and grieving the relationship that he fucked up

songs 61-63: chapter 8 i guess since that's more of an epilogue-y chapter, or at least i have it planned out that way-- mostly just a few great macdennis dynamic songs

honestly, if you've gotten this far through the post, i will say that wishing well, savior complex, bodybag, and killer are some of my absolute favorite macdennis songs on that list and i hope you enjoy this playlist as much as i do!

[keishawantskisses]

HAPPY MARCH🥳

`☆ ⋆ ｡ It's the beginning of a new month! ｡ ꕤ~ .

Quick confession. I didn't start the year the way I promised myself I would as a master manifester, a shifter and an art studentin college😭 plus today's the last day of my 2nd project and I will just say.. I didn't prioritise my time as well as I should have. So I'm not gonna let myself cry over wasted time along side incomplete work and lock in🤞🏽

But anyway I want to share my plan for this month. I am going to keep on top of:

☆ Journaling, Scripting and Vaulting

In my introduction, I said I would introduce myself as I would in my better current reality and really embody my drself. I'll be honest, the closest I have been to embodying my drself was daydreaming being my drself🧍🏿‍♀️ So I want to change that once and for all. I am sick of wishing I was her instead of realising I literally am her ffs.

So, I think vaulting as I am my drself and tracking my manifestation journey is an awesome way for successful embodiment. Because essentially when I am vaulting about my (dr)self, I am just affirming to myself about who I am by saying "I am this" or "I love having that" or maybe "my blah blah blah is so cute" and "I am so grateful that xyz".

☆ Practicing entering the void

Okay so I already understand that the void is nothing special (to me at least). The only reason why people think its special is because of the fact that you instantly recieve your desires once youve affirmed them when in the void (please for the love of god dont think you cant manifest instantly outside of the void. It is just a tool). It is literally just a deep meditative state. You are literally just meditating. It's the stillness state. The state of just being. Your I am-ness. So now that I have taken the void off the pedestal, I feel like I can enter the void anytime I try now and I will this march.

☆ Persistance/Loyalty to the new story

Something I've struggled with is persistance to my manifestations simply because of what I see in the 3D. Even when i've persistantly affirmed to myself for something not to happen or to get something, sometimes the opposit happens and I'll get what i didnt want.. but im content with it because it actually turned out alright, and I'll just settle for that. But whats really interesting is that Ive learned to always stay neutral to it anyway. I understand that nothing in the 3D has any meaning whatsoever. The the 3D is neutral and circumstances literally don't matter. Only I have power of the 3D and nothing in the 3D can have power unless I let it. And this applies to who i choose to identify as. Do i identify as someone who doesnt quite have everything she wants or do i identify as someone with everything i could ever want. So usually if I see something i don't like I'll just shake it off. Which brings me to

☆ Revision

Ive been in the loa community for 5 years and I learnt about revision 2 years ago through a revise your past subliminal. I didn't even know you could actually rewrite your past so this kind of opened me to really understanding the law of assumption applies to everything.

Since then I've been using revision subliminals here and there to revise certain scenarios and whatever, but I haven't really been using revision to its true potential. As I have learnt I can change the past, I will be vaulting/scripting my desired past through different eras of my life that I've already lived. So stuff like what highschool I went to and how I did in it, erasing unfavourable moments and replacing them with something better suited to me to align myself with my actual (dr)self

☆ Using general blanket affirmations and making specific affirmations that resonate with me to rewire my mindset and self concept

I already do this but 1. I don't do it as much as I'd like to and 2. I am altering the way I think about myself and everything in general. So I guess the way I used to affirm kind of felt robotic, forced and fake. So I figured I will use the generalised blanket affirmations I actually like to use and not the ones I'm told to use that I don't connect with, as well as make my own affirmations personalised to what I identify as and embody. This brings me to my next topic.

☆ Subliminals

Okay so I saw this post from another loa blogger talking about subliminals and they said that changing the reason why you use subliminals can really improve your manifestation journey. So instead of using subliminals to get something, use them to remind yourself you already have it. Use them to help you persist in in the fact that you are the version of yourself who HAS 1 million pounds or that you HAVE your dream life. Use them to REMIND yourself, you are already the version of you who has it. This goes for ANY and ALL subliminals by the way. Use your desired subliminals to repeat back what you identify as guys!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

MARCH IS MINE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

Anyways Ciao!!😘

Im so shy to tag but wtv!: @urimaginarygirlfriend @realistically-shifting @4ellieluv @faeriemarie

[fairyofthestar]

dance, baby!

words: 2k

genre: fluff, strangers to lovers

requested by: anon

(A/N: the song is actually about the guy wanting to dance with the girl but gets rejected and i think i've written enough sad shit during this week so i changed things up for this one 😭 enjoy!)

i'm sitting alone, nobody to hold the people in here are crazy faking a smile now, been here for a while now i'm fed up with this, i just wanna go home

in yeonjun's opinion, dances were a bit childish for their age. they were in their final year of highschool, no one has time for dances! everyone should be focused on studying for college entrance exams or gathering the requirements that they need.

yet here he was, sitting on the bleachers with his black suit that sparkled (but not too much), and a red rose pinned on its collar. being an aspiring model, he was that person who one can never expect to wear just a plain black suit. he garnered attention for his outfit, but not enough for someone to ask him to dance.

yeonjun sighed, his head sinking in his palm even more. yes he found dances childish, but he was here anyway so might as well get the full experience of it. besides, he loved dancing and he would look pitiful if he danced alone while everyone had someone (not like he already looked pitiful while sitting alone in the bleachers, spectating the whole scene). 

he wanted to go home.

but damn, that girl set me up with her

when yeonjun stood up to get some punch, he noticed a girl talking to huening kai. kai was a social butterfly, he knew almost everyone in school. 

he watched as you and kai talked animatedly, lightly hitting his shoulder when he said something funny. oddly enough, your outfit matched his. you were wearing a long black tulle dress that had thin straps and a sparkly top, a red rose on your wrist.

you looked stunning and yeonjun wanted nothing more than to get to know you, especially since he's already seen how blinding your smile is. it was a smile that he was sure would take a long time to get out of his mind.

he watched you whisper something to kai and turn to go to another part of the gymnasium and yeonjun hurriedly stood up to approach his friend, not wanting to miss the opportunity. kai saw him stumble towards him, seemingly in a daze. he gave yeonjun a wave, a bit confused why yeonjun looked out of it.

"having fun?" he asked yeonjun and the latter shook his head. 

"do you know her?" he asked, turning his head towards the direction that you went to. kai followed where yeonjun was looking at and spotted you. he smirked.

"(y/n)? yeah we've had the same classes before," 

"(y/n)..." yeonjun mumbled to himself as if he was testing out how it would feel to mutter your name out loud. it felt right, he concluded. "does she have a date tonight?" he turned to kai and finally saw the smirk that was lingering on his face. yeonjun rolled his eyes at this.

kai giggled. "she doesn't. are you interested in her?" he asked, despite already knowing the answer. 

"i think i've found the love of my life,"

"woah, slow down!" kai laughed, raising his hands in front of him. "you might scare her away,"

"i was kidding," yeonjun huffed. "i want to meet her."

kai hummed, thinking. "she told me she'll be right back so just stay here. when she comes, introduce yourself,"

yeonjun gulped. "i'm nervous," he admitted. kai looked visibly shocked by this, his eyes widening and his brows raising up to his forehead.

"never did i think i would see you in such a state. what happened to the cool fashionista yeonjun?" yeonjun didn't have an answer for that because he didn't know what was happening to him as well. 

he's gone on multiple dates yet for some reason, the thought of going on a date with you had his stomach bubbling up in a way that has never happened before. it made him even more curious to know more about you. he wanted to know why he was feeling this way towards you.

"just me set me up with her," yeonjun said with finality, trying to regain his confidence and cool composure. 

dance with me, baby, dance with me, baby let's get lost right here dance with me, baby, dance with me, bae under the chandelier

"this is my friend, yeonjun. you might have heard his name around the campus," kai said, introducing the caramel haired boy beside him. of course you were familiar with yeonjun, he was known for his fashion sense and colorful hair. you had contemplated a few times to approach him yet never found the chance to since you didn't have the same class with him.

you flashed him a genuine smile and yeonjun felt like he was going to melt at the sight. "i'm (y/n)."

"he's got something to say to you. right, yeonjun?" kai turned to him, wiggling his eyebrows. yeonjun looked at the taller boy with a hint of nervousness in his eyes then turned back to you. 

he cleared his throat, hoping it would help him recollect himself. "i was wondering if you already had a date tonight because if not, then maybe i could be the one who'll accompany you to the dancefloor," he managed to say in a voice dripped with honey. he wanted to give himself a pat on the back for not stumbling on his words.

yeonjun's offer made you blush. one of the most popular guys in school wanted to dance with you in such a night where everyone's eyes would be on you? you would be foolish to say no. besides, you always found the boy interesting and this was a chance for you to get to know him.

you bit your lip, trying to suppress a smile. "you wouldn't mind if i steal your friend for the rest of the night, hyuka?" you lifted your gaze towards the brunette who was watching the scene unfold with an amused smile. 

"knock yourself out," he smirked, pushing yeonjun towards you and the caramel haired boy immediately held onto the closest thing that can help steady himself—your shoulders. the action was so sudden and you thought that yeonjun was about to fall as well, so you placed your hands on his arms. you and yeonjun locked eyes, faces burning up at the close proximity and the sudden turn of events. you've only met each other yet were holding each other like this. 

it was like the two of you were magnets pulled together. neither wanted to let go of the other.

"a-are you okay?" you managed to stammer and yeonjun nodded. maybe you were imagining things but you could swear his eyes drifted from your eyes to your lips. you gulped and bit your lip at the thought. 

as amused as kai was at the scene, he wanted to hurry things up before the both of you were permanently stuck in that position (though he was sure neither would complain), so he cleared his throat in an exaggerated way, hoping that it would snap you out of your little bubble. it worked and yeonjun immediately scrambled to step away from you and your hold, ignoring the disappointment that he felt at the loss of touch.

yeonjun scratched behind his ear, a sheepish smile on his face. "sorry about that," he apologized and you shook your head and waved your hand as if to say it was fine. 

he then offered a hand and slightly lowered his body as if he were asking the hand of a royal. "may i have this dance now then, (y/n)?" you giggled and nodded, taking his hand in yours. he placed a kiss on top of your hand before fully standing up and you felt your heart accelerate at the action. his plush lips were very soft on your skin and it made you wonder what it would feel like to have them against yours. 

you both made your way to the dancefloor, eyes not leaving each other for one minute. as you placed your arms around his neck and his hands found their way to your waist, yeonjun was sure that this was going to be the best night that he's ever had and he hoped that this connection you have managed to form would last outside of the extravagantly decorated gymnasium. 

the song switched from a slow R&B track to an upbeat one which made the crowd start whooping. every person on the dancefloor started letting loose and dancing without a care, even the people outside of the dancefloor. you turned to look at the people surrounding you, a chuckle leaving your lips as you watched them flail their limbs and sway their hips to the rhythm. 

"as much as i love holding you close like this, we're currently sticking out like a sore thumb," yeonjun whispered in your ear which made you startle a bit. you giggled, switching your gaze towards him with a nod. "you're right, i think it's time for us to sit this one out," you teased, letting your arms fall beside you.

yeonjun narrowed his eyes at you with a playful smile. "what do you mean 'sit this one out', we're dancing with them!"

you laughed and shook your head. "no thanks, i'm not good at dancing like that. i could barely manage during the slow dance."

"well you managed to not step on my foot, so that means you were able to manage well," it was now his turn to laugh, squeezing your waist. you rolled his eyes at him, your smile never leaving your face.

"i'm going back to hyuka. i'm not embarrassing myself like this," you turned from him, about to walk away. yeonjun didn't know where his sudden boldness came from, but he found himself wrapping his arms around you from behind to prevent you from leaving. 

your face flushed for the nth time tonight as you felt a warm body pressed against you, the familiar cologne you were slowly becoming addicted to flooding your nostrils. yeonjun placed his chin on your shoulder, his face slightly turned towards your ear. "you won't embarrass yourself on the dancefloor. i'm here with you and if you want, i'll be ten times more embarrassing so you won't feel that any attention would be on you. i'll make sure you'll have fun and feel comfortable the whole time," he softly said, voice once again dripping in honey.

if there was one thing you learned about yeonjun tonight, it was that he was one charming guy and it was hard to resist his charm, especially once he lets his voice drop one or two octaves. it made butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

you turned your head towards him and you were inches apart. at this point, you were sure that yeonjun could see how flushed your face was even under the colorful and flashing lights. you didn't speak for a while, entranced by his gazed. "what are you doing to me, choi yeonjun?" you mumbled out, though you didn't really mean to. 

yeonjun coyly smiled at this. "good things i hope?"

"very good things," you smiled. "shall we go back to dancing?"

yeonjun's smile widened and he let go of you, pulling you back to the dancefloor with him. if this was with any other person, you would feel like it was the worst decision you could have done tonight but yeonjun didn't make you feel like that at all.

he stayed true to his words, moving in ways that you didn't even understand how one would do, a goofy smile on his face. you had to cover your face a few times from laughing too hard. he managed to make you dance freely as well, albeit not as crazy as him. the scene was perfect.

suddenly, yeonjun pulled you by the waist and towards him. you boldly placed a hand on his chest and he bit his lip at this. "you're doing things to me too, (y/n)," he said, slightly out of breath. you smiled, pressing yourself closer to him.

"good things i hope?" you asked and he grinned at the familiar words. 

"very good things."

☆ taglist: @nyangjjunie @ifwtyun @peachy-yabbay @soobpricity @mystiicturtle @ttaekkb0kk1

☆ if you want to be in my taglist, please tell me in my asks !!

☆ requests are open !!

[thedisablednaturalist]

so sorry ppl that cant read are sending you messages about those posts but i get it completely. rheumatologists and osteos and NP's want to hear more abt my decade old severe anxiety and depression and adhd and ~more~ diagnoses than chronic debilitating pain and just slap vitamin D pills on it and throw up their hands because "test results are weird idk what to tell u even tho i said it was this two weeks ago". abled friends and coworkers can have conversations about their mental health struggles but its looked at self pityingly if i bring up how my life is irreparably damaged by my physical disability because disabled people have to be strong and resilient to earn a place in their field and if you cant cut it just get on those snazzy disability benefits and let it get worse. i think a lot of abled ND people just cant accept that they do not experience the worst of life's struggles and that solidarity doesnt make us the same

I try to be understanding and answer peoples questions politely when I have the spoons and if they are genuinely confused bc I used to be ignorant as well about a lot of aspects of physical disability but it gets so tiring. Nowadays there are a ton of resources from physically disabled people talking about their experiences its actually quite easy to educate yourself on our struggles. Like sorry I get a little frustrated and rude when I'm constantly bombarded by ableism and rude ass people.

Also yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say. Doctors can usually relate to people having mental health struggles and even some aspects of neurodivergencey. But they cannot understand someone looking completely fine and not being able to detect anything but complaining of horrible pain and constant tiredness outside of the lense of mental health. And if your mental health is managed or only suffering because you are in constant pain, they say you're faking, or OBVIOUSLY you just need to lose weight, or drink more water, or exercise more than any able bodied person does. People take one look at me and think the solution is obvious and I'm just too stupid or lazy to figure it out.

And me saying this isn't saying that mental illness is super easy to deal with. Its fucking awful as well and many doctors say this shit to neurodivergents as well. And this is especially true for poc and people with psychosis or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

I went to my first therapist in my sophomore year of highschool and got medicated that same year. I started investigating my health issues in college freshman year and have JUST gotten actual results from treatment. SIX fucking years later. SIX fucking years of CONSTANT PAIN. And I have great insurance and a great dad who just wants me to feel better (my mom is a different story). My parents are sort of upper middle class and I live in a very privileged area. Of course that means I can't afford to move out even with an ok salary, but at least there are plenty of doctors around to choose from and plenty of appointments available. I can't imagine how long it takes someone without those advantages. And even still I had to fight to be listened to, I had to listen to so much bs from doctors and had to go from doctor to doctor begging for someone to listen.

Like they really don't get how unbelievably hard it is to get care for physical disabilities, visible and invisible. If you're visibly disabled you get treated like a child and a monster and you're isolated from society. If you're invisibly disabled you get laughed at by doctors and ignored. If it's hard for you guys imagine that difficulty increased by 100%.

I try to be really visible when I'm working in a position I know has my back. I really try to educate young people and children on what my disability looks like and I hope disabled kids and kids who eventually become disabled can see me and know that their lives are valuable and they are valuable. And it is possible to find joy in your life and reasons to keep living. And employers shouldn't be able to throw away our resumes and pay us less just cause we may need a little extra help. I know what everyone thinks when they see me in my wheelchair and using my walking sticks and when I tell them I need to take a break as I'm running out of spoons. I know their first thought is what the hell am I doing here if I'm in so much pain? When people see me by myself in my wheelchair they think I must have gotten lost and separated from my abled handler. I love my job, I love what I do, and I want to be able to keep doing it. But I can't work as long as an abled person, I can't do it without accommodations. Hell abled people shouldn't be working as long as they do either. I wish to live a life where I'm free to do the work I love without killing myself and still be able to live a comfortable life. Every disabled person, working or not, deserves to live a comfortable life.

[terrainofheartfelt]

OH, OH, LIZ!!! any alison and dan hcs? both before and after she left?

stars I think you just get a kick out of putting me in my FEELINGS

(before we get too far along might I direct everyone to S's alison fic because it is IMPORTANT to me <333)

I think dan was a complete mama's boy in the beginning. rufus was still with the band when he was born so during his first few years alison was the parent who was always around. there's that throwaway line in one of the early season where rufus says he had to walk dan to school every day when he was seven -- I think two things happened then: 1) rufus had quit touring because he realized he was missing his kids growing up and 2) that age would have also been when jenny was going to school for an entire day, so that is when alison decided to go back to school, and so she was not around as much as she used to be, and dan was adjusting to that.

that big, oversized brown armchair in the loft living room? that was mom's chair, that's where she would curl up and sketch and listen to records in the evenings, and tiny dan would sit on her lap. she taught him how to read in that chair.

before rufus bought the gallery (with its attached studio space), alison did a lot of painting on the roof. it was a good place for the kids to paint too because making a mess didn't matter.

when the humphreys did buy the gallery and she moved into the studio upstairs, she still had the kids over there to make messes. that one scene in the princess diaries where they throw darts at water balloons that are full of paint? the humphreys soooooooo did that.

nads has put this in a fic and got me thinking about it, but I love the idea of bby dan being his mom's assistant, and taking pride in that, he loved helping her out with stuff.

both alison and rufus were big on letting their kids find their art and feeding it. alison was the first to clock that dan loved storytelling, so when he gravitated to writing she wasn't surprised. In middle school when he told his highschool/college prep counselor he wanted to be a writer, and she told him he should get an education degree instead. dan vented to his mom about it and she got so pissed she started researching prep schools that would make him more competitive in getting into college. and that's how the transfer to st jude's began.

after she left dan was cold for a WHILE. I rewatched the ep where she comes back just the other day and it always kills me how he tears into her because jenny needs her and dad needs her, but he never says what he needs (the eldest daughter jumped out), he tries for a long time not to need her, and finds out he doesn't really. (but, as I've said, the realization that he doesn't need her is one of the things that fuels her leaving. her baby is grown and who is she if she isn't a mom? she runs away to try and find that out)

so the show says dan actually spent his spring break in s1 hanging out with his mom, and jenny is taken to aspen with one of minions so it really is JUST them. so...I have to imagine that there was some sort of detente happening there.

And, canon says she stays the summer looking after the kids while rufus is touring, and I imagine that's the first prolonged time that they have to spend together, and dan is reeling from his breakup and so much has happened since she left that he doesn't really know how to be around her, and nothing is completely fixed by the end of the summer, but it's not as broken as it felt before. (it'll be a while before they find their footing, but this time is what really saves their relationship when things get tough later).

and then he and jenny go to hudson for christmas after jenny has been THROUGH it so she needs Mom more than he does and so dan the eldest daughter sort of just...lets that happen (even though he's broken up with serena like. two more times since he last saw his mom)

and then rufus and lily become a couple and that's AWKWARD bc the kids both really like lily but they know alison doesn't and once again dan doesn't know how to just talk to his mom. he used to have the easiest relationship with her and now he doesn't know what he can or can't say.

dan graduates from high school, and alison's ex-husband is dating his ex rock and roll sweetheart and her ex nemesis, but it's her son's graduation so she still goes, but sits in the back and leaves shortly after the ceremony.

the humphreys kick it in the hamptons at cece's house, but they spend a few days with their mom in hudson, and that's when she properly celebrates dan's graduation. but her kids have an impending rich stepmom, and like how vanessa reacts to the cash and the designer wallet and the hamptons summer plans alison feels WEIRD about it, but unlike vanessa she is not compelled to speak up because what could she even say?

dan we know goes to his mom's for christmas that year, and he's mopey about vanessa and jenny's further from him than ever and his dad just peaced out to telluride with the band? without lily? there was a time when he could talk through ANYTHING with his mom but he has no idea how to get back to that, and alison is too careful around dan now, so she never pushes anymore, but he keeps waiting for her to push :/

and then...the second half of s3 happens, and dan probably says something off hand about visiting jen after she settles in, but the whole summer passes and ~radio silence~ alison worries, but jenny needs her more right now, and she's focused on her.

this is the thing I WONDER about. how does alison hear the milo story? how does jenny? who tells them? certainly not dan. I would bet rufus gives her a call after it's all over, it happens to rufus so fast he probably hadn't worked out what alison did or didn't know until after georgina takes milo away, and then Dan is going through something COMPLETELY different.

interestingly enough, s4 is the first time dan doesn't see his mom at christmas. he decides to stay in new york. alone. maybe he's giving jenny space again? I like to think that alison takes jenny on a trip to florida to visit dan & jen's grandmother, so dan declines because, florida. but maybe also to avoid an interrogation about his summer as a teenage dad? all of 4a is basically about dan denying his grief, and if he had to tell his mom about it, he wouldn't be able to deny it anymore.

in the gap between s4 & s5, dan goes back to hudson mainly to help jenny pack to move to london. and once again, he can hide behind his sister pulling the attention, and mask all he's going through.

he sends her a copy of Inside, and she understands his work well enough not to take the off-handed, one-dimensional portrayal of Amy Hunter personally.

and since we all know canon ends 5 minutes into season 5 episode 22...let's go from there.

Jenny meets Dair the Couple before alison, they stop in in london on their way back from rome. when dan tells alison about his gf, alison calls jenny for the real scoop. jenny doesn't lie, but she tells alison that she should make up her own mind.

but, alison and blair are into like, many similar things. alison loves hitchcock, and art history, and debating the merits of the academy awards, so she starts to like blair almost in spite herself.

and it's that, combined with dan feeling settled in his life for the first time since she left, that lets them really connect again. it's gradual, at first, and never the same as it was, but he's comfortable telling her things now, and she's comfortable asking.

(the only thing they don't talk about is Dan's brother Scott, because that would just be rude. not that alison's the type to hate a kid for existing - she likes serena and eric as people after all, but it's just toooo awkward for all parties involved)

i waffle back and forth on this idea: alison goes back to her maiden name, because she doesn't want to share the same last name as lily. OR, on the other hand, she stubbornly holds on to humphrey even after lily marries rufus, because that's her kids' name damnit, and if it makes lily mad, that's just a bonus.

I don't think alison ever remarries. i think getting married sooo young and losing herself in that keeps her from ever wanting to do it again. (like this alex dude, i think he proposes and she says no). she gives jenny a speech once while she's living in hudson about not getting married too soon and staying in charge of her destiny (which jenny was already gonna but), but she knows that in this respect dan is too like his father to listen. her boy was destined to be a WIFE yk?

thanksgivings belong to the van der humphreys, but alison gets some event around the winter & summer holidays, usually planned around whenever jenny and her partner are in town.

alison makes all sorts of things for dan's babies when they're born (pettily she thinks she can't top lily's resources), but she makes print illustrations to hand and knits blankets and does those sorts of things.

she doesn't go to every book launch, but she's always at her local indie shop on dan's release days to buy a copy, even though he always sends her one anyway.

alison and harold and roman are besties. eleanor is team lily always and forever. but harold and roman find daniel's mother adorable, and she's a treat to talk to about art, even if her taste is, unfortunately, a lot like her son's. too modernist.

[my-tourettes-journey]

TS awareness prompt day 12

12: What was your experience of education (school, college, uni) with tics like?

(putting a summary of this at the bottom because it's long lmao)

I want to say pretty normal, but when I really think about it, that's not necessarily true.

i've had a pretty crazy school life since 5th grade, my schools are always under construction and i've changed schools like 5 different times so far, so it's hard for me to say what's "normal" and what's not.

but to make it easier, i'll do a timeline.

8th grade: when my tourette's started in 8th grade, it was completely normal, nothing really happened.

9th grade (regular highschool): things changed very quickly by september, and by that point we were doing online school. my tics weren't super severe, but were bad enough i didn't want to have my camera on during classes.

9th grade (partial homeschooling): eventually, i switched to a partial homeschooling school for mostly mental health reasons, but also a little because of my tics. my tics were pretty bad by this point. i remember having to step out of class several times over the half of a school year i was there, and i would raise my hand involuntarily during class often. it was also during this time that my anxiety was at its most severe since elementary, so i think that also played into my tics being so bad. my mom literally had to sit in class with me because i couldn't focus because of my anxiety and tics. (this was also the time i decided to make communication cards for when i had a hard time telling people things, would recommend doing it if you struggle with similar things!). I wanted to get a 504, but the school didn't support 504s there.

10th grade (non-traditional school): by 10th grade my tics had died down mostly, but were still definitely there. also by this time i had developed my FND, so i was having some other health issues too. i changed schools again, but instead of going back into the regular highschool, i went into a non-traditional school (i forget what it's called) where we only had half days. it was on the same campus as the regular highschool, just in portables outside of the actual building. i had a 504 at this point, which helped, but not a lot since i only had half days and i was already allowed to step out at any time anyway.

10th grade (regular highschool): halfway through 10th grade, i transferred over to the regular highschool again, partially because i just didn't like it at the other school and partially because of accessibility issues (i was in a wheelchair half the time during this). i started off not really having many accommodations and going full days in school, which instantly proved itself to be extremely hard to do for me. although my tics were much calmer than they had been before, i hadn't gone into a regular school in a long time, and i was in a wheelchair part-time. eventually i got more accommodations, which helped with my tics. unfortunately, my mental health and FND started to get really bad around this time, which made me leave school early almost every day. after a while of trying to figure out things to do, we changed my schedule so i only have a few classes every day, so basically half days again.

and that's where i am now! im very happy with my accommodations and school days, and i haven't missed a day of school for mental health reasons since i got my schedule changed, which is really impressive for me!!

and my tics have died down massively since i changed to the regular highschool in 10th grade, so they're not much of a problem anymore.

so uh, yeah, that's basically the long way of saying it was very interesting. a lot of changes and trial and error.

[and-stir-the-stars]

absolutely despise the way I've thought "I graduate high school in 2022? that's so far away, who even cares" for the entirety of my life and now. now. 2022 ain't so far away.

[dgmovies]

ENHYPEN: Recommendations Masterlist

✨Welcome to my world✨

Here are some fics I've collected of ENHYPEN. I have a few more saved up, so I will be adding those in the future. I have only included the legal-line. Enjoy :) Idk if all the links work. Some works may have been deleted already. Also, some info might be missing. *Disclaimer: English is not my first language.*

Tags: © = My personal favorite, F = Fluff, A = Angst, S = Smut

*Updated: 13-02-2022*

Lee Heeseung

ONE SHOTS:

Hate You, Hate Me - @enhahardhours (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Enemy!Heeseung

That’s Right, He Can’t (Ft. Sunghoon) - @jaylaxies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Dom!Heeseung, Switch!Sunghoon

SERIES:

~ Nothing yet... ~

Park Jongseong (JAY)

ONE SHOTS:

A Friendly Favor - @hoonbami (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Wanting to have a little bit of experience before your first hook up ever, you come to your best friend, asking him if he’ll do you a favor by taking your virginity for you, and much to your pleasure, he actually agrees (BestFriend!Jay)

All I See Is Gold - @httpheeseung (A, F, S) *recently added*

Status: Completed

Word Count: 23.5k

Summary: Jay would do anything to make his parents proud. Prove himself as the successor to his dad’s firm, be top of his class, have the right friends, be the perfect son. So when his parents meet you at a fundraiser they’ve organized and think the two of you are dating, he has to get you on board with his stupid plan. Too bad you just happen to be his most annoying rival. (College!AU, Rivals2Lovers!AU, FakeDating!AU)

SFW version -> click here

Ave, General - @heetendo (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 12.7k

Summary: After your husband returns from the wars in foreign lands, you could not be more proud to see him be the shining pride of Rome. However, even among the celebrations and your own personal news, Jay Park only wanted one thing – some time alone with you (Roman!AU, RomanGeneral!Jay)

Bourbon and Blood - @heesunminies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: You had charmed the man right to where you wanted him, like a fly trapped in a spider’s web – If only he knew you were Park Jay’s girl (Maffia!AU)

Don’t Say Goodnight - @jeontaeil (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 7.5k

Summary: After having one of the most mind blowing nights of your life, you go to work only to find out that the guy you hooked up with is now your new boss.

Fallin’ For Him Was Like Fallin’ From Grace - @heesunminies (S, F)

Status: Completed (+ sequel)

Word Count: ?

Summary: ?

Marked - @hyunsuks-beanie (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: TigerHybrid!Jay

Noise Complaint - @jaylaxies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: HotelNeighours!AU

Picture Perfect - @nyanggk (©, S, F) *recently added*

Status: Completed

Word Count: 28k

Summary: Park Jay is known around your campus as a resident fuck boy. Him and his friends compete in a game wherein by the end of the year, they have to complete their fuck list in order to win. But what happens when jay meets a girl who can resist his charms? (RugbyPlayerJay!, ArtClubMemberReader!, HighSchool!AU, E2L!AU)

Popsicle - @neonheeseung (©, S, F, A) *recently added*

Status: Completed

Word Count: 27k

Summary: Camp m.e.y.r. is the best place on earth -- it's where you met your best friend, Jay Park. And it's also where you fell in love with him... But you try not to think about that part. This year, however, is the last time any of you will be attending m.e.y.r, and your friends convince you to flirt as though your life depends on it -- to play on his supposedly mutual feelings. Now, this summer camp has turned into a heated tug-of-war, where you and jay both compete to make the other snap first... (SummerCamp!AU, CampCounselor!AU, RichKid!AU)

(SFW version available on @freckledwinterfalls, soon to be @sunshinelixie-lee)

The Hates Everyone Except You Trope - @taeghi (©, S, A, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 28k

Summary: Being the smartest one in your whole year had its perks, but it meaning that you would have to tutor the students that were behind in class was definitely the ultimate con- except for it allowing you to get to know the school’s bad boy in a way no one else has before.

The Path To A Nerd's Heart- @jaylaxies (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: School!AU, Sub!Jay

SERIES:

~ Nothing yet... ~

Sim Jaeyun (JAKE)

ONE SHOTS:

Behind Closed Doors - @ikigaitsuki (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Finding an unlocked door in one of your friends’ usual parties provides an opportunity to escape the crowd. But with the closing of some doors, comes the figurative opening of others.

Burn For You - @jayflrt (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Regency London’s competitive marriage market is no match for you, who brings suitors to their knees with a simple bat of your eyelashes. However, the issue is that you only care for your best friend, Sim Jaeyun, and your competition is a princess! (Bridgerton!AU, BF2L!AU)

Hold Still - @ikigaitsuki (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: If he were to get his hands on you, there wouldn’t be an inch of your skin untouched, no area unmarked. After all, we need to see who you belong to, right?

If You Hate Me So Much - @m4sh1 (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: You were tired of Jake tagging along on your nights out with your friends. You hated him and wanted him to leave you alone. If only he wasn’t so stubborn and impatient.

Lakeside Rendezvous - @jaylaxies (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: BF2L!AU

Library Hook-Ups - @enhahardhours (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Badboy!Jake as your tutor and ended up fucking you.

Warm - @sunnyjae (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: Chilling with the guys during a movie leads to you and Jake being more touchy under the covers (the boy is whipped for you, you’re just oblivious). (BestFriend!Jake)

Wish Come True - @jaylaxies (S, F)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: ?

SERIES:

~ Nothing yet... ~

Park Sunghoon

ONE SHOTS:

10:21 PM - @jaylaxies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 0.7k

Summary: 7MinutesInHeaven!AU

After School - @sunnyjae (S, F) *recently added*

Status: Completed

Word Count: 2.8k

Summary: Sunghoon and you never got along – he was too teasing for your own good, you were too bratty for him. What if Sunghoon sees something he may or may not have been the intended recipient of? Will you guys use your feud to an advantage? (E2L!AU)

Lovers In The Night - @jaylaxies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 6.4k

Summary: You despised dinner parties with the park family, solely because you had to face Sunghoon there, your resident fuckboy and childhood 'friend'. Things took a turn when his mom caught you both in a compromising position, mistaking it as a relationship, when in reality, all you were trying to do was to snatch your phone back from Sunghoon. Highly pleased, his father allows him to go to the trip he's been waiting for since long. Desperate, he begs you to keep up with the facade in return to set you up with Heeseung, your crush. Before it all, they invite you for a dinner and night-stay, forgetting to inform you that you'll be staying in Sunghoon's room, sharing the bed with him.

Real You, Real Me - @httpheeseung (F, A) *recently added*

Status: Completed

Word Count: 22.8k

Summary: You’re the most popular girl in school, with the highest grades and the best looks. Everybody loves you and you intend to keep it that way; but at the beginning of your senior year of high school, Park Sunghoon finds out about a side of you you had desperately tried to keep hidden for years. He now has something he can hold against you, and you best believe he’s going to use it to his own advantage. (FakeDating!AU)

That’s Right, He Can’t (Ft. Heeseung) - @jaylaxies (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Switch!Sunghoon, Dom!Heeseung

The Art of Porn - @enhahardhours (S)

Status: Completed

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Two best friends don’t want to be virgins when they graduate, so they decide to let go of their innocence together—no strings attached.

SERIES:

Star-Crossed - @fallingforgyu (S, F, A)

Status: Completed (2 Chapters)

Word Count: 15.3k (2 Chapters)

Summary: Prince!Sunghoon

The Jock - @jongseongsnudes (S, F)

Status: Ongoing (Chapters 3/4)

Word Count: 10.5k (2 Chapters)

Summary: Everyone knows Park Sunghoon as the handsome, charming jock that all the girls want to be with and all the guys want to be. You however, know him as your brother’s cocky best friend who always finds ways to annoy you so how you end up pinned on the bed by him one night… is quite the story.

[thera-daydreams]

INDAY

± A Trese Fic ±

[Crispin/Basilio/Maliksi/Dominic x Skymaiden!Reader]

01: Noon at Ngayon (✓)

02: Ang Kambal na Anak ni Datu Talagbusao, Diyos ng Digmaan (Link)

03: Ang Prinsipe ng Mga Tikbalang (Link)

04: Ang Pinuno ng Mga Aswang (Link)

05: (Link) 06: (Link) 07: (Link)

01: Noon at Ngayon

Back then, long before you were born, your mother used to work as a katulong of the Trese Family and was very close to its matriarch, Miranda Trese. Coming from the province, she was no stranger to superstitions—even more so after knowing the work of Miranda's husband Anton Trese, who was actually the Babaylan-Mandirigma of Manila.

Years later, after giving birth to you around the same time Miranda gave birth to her twins (one a stillborn, unfortunately), it was you and Alexandra who became best buddies instead, as different your personalities were. You two had practically grown up together and you yourself heard countless stories of the supernatural from your Tito Anton. It wasn't that hard to believe when he and his sigbin companions would sometimes come home tracking blood prints on the floors (which you'd helped your mother clean up). Heck, you'd even met Señor Armanaz, the Great Stallion himself and the ruling tikbalang of the Armanaz herd. That pretty, white-haired diwata seemed extremely fond of you, too, which was evident when you'd sneak in with Alexandra to Tito Anton's meetings and she would smile (even wave) at you happily.

You had absolutely no idea why the fae-like lady was so nice to you, but you weren't complaining at all!

However, in spite of your experiences with the supernatural, you and your mother always believed that you were normal humans. In actuality, that was who you were for the majority of your childhood. It was only until Miranda herself saw a vision of you—a much older you—fighting the monsters of the Underworld alongside her own daughter. During dinnertime, Miranda told your mother that she saw you blessed by the heavens with powers that would aid in the battle against evil.

It sounded absolutely ridiculous, right? Yeah, your mom thought so, too.

Your mother only laughed it off as she placed a steaming bowl of tinola in front of Alexandra's brothers, who instantly dug in like they haven't been fed in years.

"Boys! Dahan-dahan lang," Anton reprimanded his sons. "Or else you'll choke and the soup will come out of your noses!"

"Okay, Papa."

"Grabe ka naman, Miranda. I doubt that anything like that's going to happen to my daughter," your mom chuckled, watching your little hands try to feed Alexandra with a piece of chicken. "Unlike you guys, our lineage isn't anything special. Ordinaryo lang ang lahi namin."

Miranda sighed, looking at you and her only living daughter enjoying your time being kids, "I guess you're right. Baka panaginip lang talaga 'yun."

Anton glanced at her knowingly. Although he was aware that you and your mom didn't dabble in magic or anything like they did, he knew that whenever Miranda—one of the Seven Seers—had such vivid dreams, it was something of great importance. But he decided to say nothing, understanding how much your mother wanted to let you live as normal of a life possible in this household.

That was when you were seven years old. One year later, Miranda died fighting against a group of aswang who decided to betray Anton. Said man found the eight-year-old Alexandra hiding in a corner behind the waterfalls, scared and holding Sinag close to her heaving chest as she tried to hold her tearful sobs in.

Of course, a few days later, you and your mother attended the funeral with the mourning Trese family. All the brothers had done their best to stay strong, especially for their little sister who didn't fully understand yet what just happened. Little you ran towards Alexandra, holding her hand tightly as her mother's casket was lowered. Around you were various comrades, both human and non-human, paying their respects to their bereaved allies.

That day, as you turned your back to return to your mother's arms, you knew you would never forget the feeling of numerous unearthly eyes following your every movement.

Even they could sense that there was something about you, a so-called regular human child. You smelled human and had the aura of one, but there was something they couldn't place. It was like a tiny rock getting into your shoe, not coming out at all.

Much changed after that, but you and Alexandra remained close together. To your dismay, just after you graduated elementary, you and your mother had to move back to the province to stay with your sick grandparents. The last thing you could remember was kneeling in the back of the car, looking sadly through the rear windscreen as Alexandra and her brothers waved goodbye to you.

More than a decade had passed since then. You used to write letters to Alexandra, but after Hank told you she had to undergo the trials of the Puno ng Balete, you haven't heard from her (although Hank did disclose that she'd managed to come home safely, which was a great relief to you). You didn't blame her; you knew Tito Anton had passed away in the five years she was gone and that she had to take over the title of Lakan, as well as the Babaylan-Mandirigma of Manila. It was a demanding job! You remembered Tito Anton sometimes staying up all night—breakfast would be served and he would still be in his study, going over paperwork. On other days, he would be gone for consecutive nights handling cases all around Manila. You could only pray Alexandra was fine.

Your life had continued on, as well—you took care of your ill grandparents until they died, helped your mother in the province, went to a good highschool, then earned your degree in another prominent city that wasn't Manila.

Your mom actually recommended that you go to school somewhere else, given the constantly rising number of attacks in the capital of the country. And so you did. Life was hard, but normal until then.

The funny thing was that, when you reached the age of twenty-one, you finally understood why those supernatural creatures kept looking at you weirdly as a kid (and why Lady Diwata liked you so much).

What was even funnier was that the dramatic revelation came to you when you weren't in the Philippines. It was after you freshly graduated college, when you were traveling all over Asia to volunteer in charity projects. It was always your dream to one day expand your horizons not only beyond your province, but the Philippines itself, while also doing good in the world.

And here you were, walking that path you dreamt of.

The organization you luckily managed to become a member of provided everything you needed, and every few months, you would move from country to country. Because of that, you'd already been able to travel to so many places. First it was Thailand, then Indonesia, China, South Korea, India, Japan, Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, and currently, you were in Vietnam. Visiting those places was fun and gave you a whole new perspective of the world you lived in; it was a... learning experience, too.

Still, that incident happened when you were in Thailand, when you were the last one in the rented apartment balcony taping up the boxes for the donation drive tomorrow. Yawning, you cut more duct tape and stuck them to the open boxes tightly.

"Inday," someone said from behind you. You didn't bother turning around, thinking it was one of your fellow volunteers looking for you this late at night. Probably your roommate. She was the only one who usually called you by your nickname instead of your real name.

"Hmm?" you hummed, taping up more boxes. "Papasok na ako sa kwarto, Lyn. I just have a few more boxes to close. Alam mong mapapagalitan ako kung may hindi madidistribute bukas."

"Hindi ako si Lyn."

You paused, then slowly turned around, flinching at the sudden bright light that shone right against your eyes. For a moment, akala mo namatay ka na at hinaharap mo si San Pedro.

It was a glowing figure in white whose face you couldn't clearly see, which frightened you even more.

"Ay, mama!" you exclaimed, shielding your eyes and falling to your knees. Then, you gasped loudly, patting your body and panicking with closed lids. "Oh my God, am I dead? Nasa heaven na po ba ako?" Your lips wobbled. "Ngayon pa nga lang ako nakaalis ng Pilipinas... I haven't even done all the things I've wanted to do! Hindi pa ako nakapagpaalam sa nanay ko—aray!"

You'd felt something hit the back of your head. Hard. It was the glowing figure in white, but now you could see their unimpressed face scowling at you.

"Kalma lang, Inday. Hindi ka pa patay, pero makinig ka nang mabuti," they shushed you urgently (you weren't sure if they were male or female). "Do not be afraid. I am a messenger from the heavens, and I bear great news!"

"Great news...?" you trailed off, then your eyes widened excitedly. "Like, nanalo ba ako ng lotto? Isang milyon? Bilyon? Hala! Wait, is this a Mama Mary moment? I'm not ready to be the next immaculate conception!"

They glared at you, making you shut up instantly. "Sorry, I'll shut up now," you apologized with a mumble. This person (thing?) was kind of... strict. Whatever did you do wrong? You were just sleep-deprived and running on energy drinks (as well as kape).

"I have come to tell you that you are the vessel of the last skymaiden," they revealed, arms wide open. The light around them seemed to grow even brighter, making you squint. You felt like you were about the go blind! "Ikaw ang huling biraddali, Y/N L/N."

At ayun, zero brain cells remaining. Tunay na nagloading screen ang brain mo. Nag-error at nagcrash pa nga siguro, eh.

"... Ha? Ano?"

You blinked, completely speechless—as seen by how wide your jaw had dropped open. It wasn't that you were unfamiliar with the biraddali, it was just that you'd only heard of them once when you were just a young child. Your Tita Miranda had mentioned they were long gone from the world of the supernatural.

"Oh no, me? A biraddali? You're joking," you stuttered out, pointing at yourself. "Aren't they extinct or something? And, uh... not human?"

They nodded, "Yes. It is correct that everyone in the mystical world thought that the biraddali were long gone, even before the colonizers came to conquer the native lands. However, before the skymaidens all disappeared, the youngest and most powerful one among the seven sisters sealed her soul away to the rivers of time until the strength of a heavenly being was needed to help purify the evils of the world." The figure floated closer to you. "That last biraddali's soul, along with its corresponding power, traits, and knowledge, had chosen to reside deep within you the moment you were conceived."

Honestly, how were you even supposed to react? Your life was nowhere near ready for something like this. Was this a prank by your friends? Your colleagues? The light around this person seemed too authentic to be fake, though.

You stayed in shock for an entire minute, silent. The being in front of you only waited for a response.

"Ano 'to, Sailor Moon? Winx Club?" you whispered to yourself, before slapping your own cheek and scolding yourself. A stinging red mark was left on your face. "Inday, kakamanhwa mo 'yan! Nasosobraan ka na ata, matulog ka na!"

Sighing heavily, you rubbed your face tiredly, still in disbelief that you—according to this stranger—were apparently some old soul from a species of ethereal beings that were long gone. It sounded like something out of those reincarnation webnovels you got addicted to. What now, you were the MC? Wattpad ka, girl?

"Look, this is a mistake. I still have to wake up early tomorrow to give out the donations," you spoke to the glowing being (or whatever it was), laughing nervously. "I'm sorry, but I think you have the wrong person. Either that or I must be hallucinating from sleep deprivation, because I'm definitely not a divine creature. You're probably just a product of my imagination. Sorry, I'm going to bed."

Bang!

At that moment, the power in the building went out. The only thing you could see was the thing who assumed you were a biraddali (they were so bright they were like a flashlight in the dark for you).

"Brownout?" you blinked. It felt wrong, though. It was eerily silent. "Did a fuse blow up?"

"Nagsimula na ang iyong unang pagsubok, Y/N," they announced seriously. "Creatures of the dark have already begun to take over this building. You may not have noticed, but all throughout your life, you have always been helping and giving. It is your nature as a being descended from the heavens themselves, and now, it is time for you to accept your destiny."

"Hoy, sandali lang! Sandali, sandali!" You were absolutely wide awake now as you heard the sounds of strange whispers around you. It was terrifyingly creepy, much creepier than whatever you'd seen back in the Trese Residence (and you'd seen a lot in that house). You did not want to be a part of a horror movie-like lifestyle. "Don't I have a choice in this?! I—I don't have any training or fighting skills! Hindi ako Alexandra Trese o Babaylan-Mandirigma! I'm not ready for this, holy sh—"

The candescent creature raised a brow at you, "Inday, I just told you that you have the power of a lost mystical being. And tell me, if you had the power to save your companions in this building from the forces of evil, would you save them?"

You were silent, knowing the answer.

"Well?" they prodded.

You bit your lip, "Oo naman. I'm not heartless!" But you were a little impulsive. And apparently, insane.

"That's what I thought. I just need you to believe in yourself," the being encouraged, gentler this time. It transformed into something smaller and rounder—like a ball of light. "Ikaw ang huling biraddali, Y/N, at marami kang kapangyarihan. Isa dito ay ang pagtulong sa mga nangangailangan, lalo na laban sa masasamang nilalang."

Bestie, what had you just gotten into?

You swallowed apprehensively, then nodded in determination, "Sige. So, how do I save the people in the building? Biraddali were said to be able to shapeshift, right? If I remember the tale correctly. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening to me right now."

"That's just one of your abilities, but I'll teach you. I'm actually your guide," they replied confidently. "With me, you'll be able to master your powers and exceed your capabilities in no time!"

"Wait! Anong pangalan mo?" you asked breathlessly, following them as they speedily flew out of the room. "Grabe, slow down! I'm not athletic! I haven't even exercised this week, goodness."

"... Gabay. Ako si Gabay."

Despite the adrenaline and fear running in your veins, you still grinned up at the ball of light, "Okay. Nice to meet you, Gabay."

This was just the beginning of your supernatural combat training abroad. When you returned to the Philippines three years later, you were stronger, faster, and more powerful than you'd ever felt before. It was crazy.

Oh, that guy who tried to rob you when you came back to Manila was crazy, too. The two identical-looking men in dark suits and white ties—you wondered how they were surviving the heat in that attire—could only watch in awe as you chased down that man who stole your bag while doing acrobatics and parkour.

"Uy, Kuya Crispin, sino kaya 'yun?"

"Ewan ko, Basilio."

"... She's kind of pretty. Type ko. Type mo rin ata."

"The more important question is, paano niya na nahuli ang magnanakaw?"

"Oo nga, no? One in a million chance 'yan dito sa Maynila, haha! Ang astig ni ate!"

(Next Chapter.)

± Author's Notes ±

Ayieee, type daw tayo ng kambal! 😌

How the hell did I write this entirely random thing in one day? 2k+ words? Ano daw? 😃⁉️

You know, this was supposed to just be a Trese one-shot or a bunch of drabbles for the characters I'm currently simping for... but it turned into a full-blown, shameless self-insert slash crackfic. Kakacellphone ko 'yan. 🤦‍♀️

Nagresearch pa ako ng articles about Filipino skymaidens because I wanted something similiar to the Japanese celestial maidens (tennyo). Very random idea but why not? Gusto ko ng badass Y/N na hindi takot lumaban sa mga mumu! 👻

Also, pagbigyan niyo nalang ang matandang 'to kasi ilang taon na akong hindi nagpopost ng mga writings ko. May track record pa naman ako bilang author na hindi nagtatapos ng mga fanfic, hehe. I also haven't read the comics so please forgive me for any inaccuracies and of course, misspellings/errors. Gusto ko lang matapos 'to para makakabalik na ako sa Jujutsu Kaisen. 🥲😗

Anyways, comments and constructive criticism are welcome! Hit those heart, reblog, and follow buttons for updates! Just comment if you want to be tagged in the next chapters. ❤

[antiterf]

I don't know where else to put this. I'm scared. I've been dysphoric since middle school. I thought it would go away eventually. every girl hates puberty, right? but it didnt. im in college and its still eating away at me. i stumbled upon a terf blog in highschool and i tried using their points to ease my concerns. its normal to hate being a girl. its normal to feel disconnected from your own body since society has always told you to hate it.how do i tell if im a guy or if im a girl with issues?

I mean it really depends. You've probably internalized a lot of their rhetoric so you may want to start by convincing yourself that it's okay to question or be trans in the first place.

If you think it would help you to decide if you're trans or not, you may want to work through with yourself or a therapist if you think any cases of misogyny you've faced seem worse than another. If that could possibly be the cause of your disconnect and discomfort. I'm not saying this as a suggestion for actually finding out, but for working through what doubts you may struggle with. I'm honestly suggesting this to deal with internalized terf rhetoric and a way to figure out if it relates to you or not. Even if it does, it doesn't mean you can't possibly be trans or that transitioning won't help. It's just that if puberty was the main reason why you became so uncomfortable, that should have worn off by now since it ends at around 16. The change should be settled into your mind by now.

Another thing you could do is talk to women you know In Real Life to see if they've experienced something like what you're feeling. If they say yes then ask them to explain. If the explanation resonates with what you're feeling then try to get advice on how they deal with it. I say this because usually cis women I've asked about this straight out said they haven't felt that way or explain something that's a bit off from what I was trying to say. It wasn't until I found other trans people where I finally heard what resonated with my actual experience.

Of course the two above suggestions don't give you a 100% answer and I don't want you to think that if you've experienced heavy misogyny or relate to cis women then you're not trans. Especially if you're still stuck feeling like shit.

This is what I really suggest though:

What can help is transitioning in little ways. Try a binder or mens underwear and see how you feel. Try to get clothes from the mens section so that way they don't highlight your curves (relaxed fit Jeans are life savers). If you feel overwhelmed then stop for a bit and reflect on why you felt that way. If that goes well and you feel somewhat better then try to ask someone that you trust to call you by a different name or pronouns to see how it feels.

If you can you could try to get help for your mental health too if you haven't already. Your college campus probably has counseling or something you can use but I'm not sure how conservative your area or campus is. So as someone who lives by a campus that still uses therapy to try to turn people straight or cis, look into it beforehand if you're at a private and religious school.

I've been in a position like this before and I want to say that it's going to be okay. Take things as slow as you need to. It's okay if you feel like others are going so much faster. It's okay if you feel like the suggestions that I gave or others will possibly give feel overwhelming and too much. It's okay to be terrified of what your situation is, I know I was. Just please be gentle with yourself, because I know I wasn't.

Basically: Ask if any life experiences had the consequence of this feeling happening besides puberty, see who you relate to, and try to explore and see what you're more comfortable with.

[stargaze-issei]

ᴅᴀʏ 𝟼; ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ʙʟᴏᴄᴋᴇʀ

-> tsukishima kei.

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; same tattoo, shared dreams, soulmates!au.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1.8k

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; fluff.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; the way i want to make a series out of everything in this challenge sigh.

↳ main masterlist

"what does it mean, tsukki?" yamaguchi asked by his side, looking with curiosity the needle leaving marks on his friend's skin. 

tsukishima wanted to get a tattoo through his complete adolescence, his parents never allowed it, not until he could pay it by himself, at least. and there he was, eighteen years old, watching in amazement how one of his few dreams became true. being honest, he wasn't sure what it meant, but he had dreamed about those numbers a lot. since he was thirteen, the same number appeared not only in his dreams, but was everywhere else too, everytime he checked the hour, the number of his locker, even his volleyball shirt. of course it took him a while to figure it out, but once he saw it, he couldn't stop. it became his luck number. 

"are you sure you just want that?" the artist wondered for the third time.

"yeah, it's important to me" the smile on tsukishima's face was completely different to all the others yamaguchi had seen since they knew each other. 

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

"please, come see me play, you're always busy!" your friend, koganegawa, could be a pain in the ass if he wanted to. he could be one withouth wanting too. your job as an assistant teacher kept you occupied half of the day, add the hours at college and how much you had to study, to say it was hard to make room in your life was an understatement. which was why you never went to kogane's games after highschool.

"i told you i can't! i have... work" 

"you don't work at nights, idiot! come see me play" he was so annoyingly persistent, that you had to accept, earning a excited hug from him.

after he left your appartment, only because you made him, you let yourself drop onto the couch, sighing. in fact, you were tired, but going to see kogane, one of your only friends, was something you could do. he was always so supportive, in his own unique way, it was the least you could do for him. you scratched your collarbone, unconciously going over your tattoo with your fingers, like checking if it was still there. somehow, that piece of inked skin gave you strengths when you felt like you were at your limit. the memory of a well known dream came to your mind, making you giggle.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

you knew koganegawa's team was a professional team, but you never expected them to have a cheering squad, and local tv cameras and periodists focusing on them. it was your first time at the gym where they were playing, a little anxiety growing in your chest not knowing where to go. you tried calling him to help you, but all you got was a text saying he had sent somebody to your rescue. 

"hi, are you kogane-kun's friend?" said a short blonde girl, touching your shoulder. she seemed really kind, making you feel more comfortable instantly.

you mumbled a positive respond, and she quickly grabbed your hand to take you to the bleachers like she knew the place by hand. she introduced herself as yachi hitoka, and said the game was about to start. she was also a friend of one of the players, but met some others, like koga, in highschool. 

in the exact moment that you and yachi sat, the starting whistle blowed, starting with the power serve of a bleached haired guy.

yachi guide you through the game, explaining the basics to you, but you couldn't take your eyes off of the blond man with glasses, he looked so familiar, though you were sure it was the first time you saw him. he intrigued you, a lot. you were too shy to ask yachi for his name, hoping to catch it on through the speakers at some point, or trying to remember if kogane had said something about him. the game went on, points were made by everyone, and every single one the setter did, he looked at you, searching for a reassurance smile. 

when it finished, a crushing victory from the frogs, you and your new friend went to wait for them outside of the compound, yachi felt the need to warn you before you met everyone. 

"see, kyoutani can be a little... intense, some times, but he's really nice, and tsuk-"

"y/n! did you see me!? did you see my points!? we were so great!" she was interrupted by an overly excited koganegawa walking towards you, along with two ther blondes. your cheeks burned at the sight of whom you had glared so hard just minutes ago, wondering if he had noticed. his face was buried on his phone, too busy to look up, disappointing you a little.

"i saw you, dumbface, that's what i came to do" he pouted at your fake insult, proceeding to shout to kyoutani by his side how awesome you were for going to his game. you introduced yourself, one of they boys said to be kyoutani kentaro, the one of your interest didnt't even reply.

tsukishima had heard your voice many times before, but for the first time, he was awake. his eyes opened wide, a soft hum of confusion left his mout. it couldn't be you, you were just a made up person from his dreams, someone who he had never seen, less say heard talking, to recognize that fast. although it was you. those eyes, that voice, that hair, it was you. he had dreamed about you for so long, in his mind, at the beginning you were his same age, growing up as he did. you were exactly like that woman.

"...tsukki!" he came back to earth thanks to kogane, who was frenetically moving him from his shoulders trying to get his attention. 

"get off" was all tsukishima answered.

"where's yamaguchi?" asked yachi. you didn't know what they were talking about, but you had witnessed the glasses boy, whom's name appears to be tsukki, go through a complete life crisis in the last minute.

"he's joining us at the restaurant" he said, starting to walk away by his own, followed by kyoutani and yachi, later by kogane pulling you from your arm to walk. 

yachi and koga talked enough to fill the uncomfortable aire in the table once everybody ordered. a man named yamaguchi arrived a few minutes earlier, still in office clothes. he congratulated the guys on their victory and greeted you nicely, presenting himself as "tsukki's friend". 

the minutes became hours, everyone, except you and tsukki, was drunk, even kyoutani had that red color on his cheeks because of the alcohol. yachi, who had stated that she was just a little tipsy, sober up when she saw how late it was. 

"i have to work tomorrow! we all have to! oh go, i can't believe i let kogane- tsukishima, could you please take y/n home while i get these three an uber?" despite being so small, the girl seemed to be completely in charge of everything, probably because of her years as manager in highschool, you thought.

"are you sure you don't need help with them?" you asked, a bit curious about how was she going to handle two giants and a man with rabies by herself.

"don't worry, i've been doing this since highschool, i'm more worried about you arriving safe"

"i'll take her, you stay at yamaguchi's and text me when you're there" intervined tsukishima, he had been quiet most of the night, even though he couldn't look less interested in being there, he still refused to leave. sometimes, he would stare at you when you weren't paying attention, without knowing that you actually felt his look on you. the girl agreed to his proposal, kissing your cheek goodbye and giving her friend a small hug before you took your things and got out of the place, followed by the tall man. 

the walk was silence after you told him you lived near enough to walk, him just nodding to your words. you didn't feel uncomfortable, though, and you wanted to believe neither did he. both of you were at a really short distance, and he didn't seem to care, but you smell of strawberry shortcake coming out of him. you giggled, thinking how funny it was that such an intimidating guy smelled like cake. tsukishima glared at you, disconcerted by your sudden laugh at no apparent reason.

"i used to go to this coffee house in highschool, they had the best strawberry cake i have ever eaten" your random fact caught tsukishima off guard, because he went to a coffee house with a really good strawberry cake since highschool too. he stayed silence, affraid to keep finding more shared details betweent the two of you. "i mean, don't think i talk about cake when- you smell like- i'm sorry" had you just made the situation hundred times worse? yes, you had. 

the rest of the walk was as silent as the first half, now, tsukishima was uncomfortable, so much that you could tell, but still, he choose to stay close to you instead of making distance. despite being a autumn night, you felt hot, your multiples layers of clothing were now making you sweat. without giving it much thought, you took off your jacket and sweater, leaving at sight you tattoo in you collarbone. tsukki tried, he really did, to not look at you, stripping like it was nothing, so when he did, and saw his exact same tattoo in your body, he stopped walking. his jaw barely hit the floor, you could swear he saw a ghost.

"are you okay? d-do you...? what are you doing?" he got over his shocked, and in a light of boldness, he started to take off his coat and sweater, not only that, but lifting his shirt until you could see his nipple and ribs. it was then when you saw it too, your tatto, the exact same details, were on his skin, like it was printed of the same printer. you hadn't chose a design from an artist, you drew one on your own, wanting to be the only of its kind, yet, there you were.

like someone had opened a door in your mind, memories of lost dreams came back, you remembered from where tsukishima seemed so familiar. that damned dream you had for years, of him, who you thought was a creation from your subconscious, was now standing right in front of you, in flesh and bones. not you nor tsukishima knew how to react, maybe, fearing that the other would run away. a strange urge to cry invaded you, and for some reason, a intense desire to feel the blonde closer.

"i want to take you on a date, if that's okay with you" 

"yes" you said not a second late, almost begging him to be with you from that day to your last.

"and i wanna kiss you right now" he didn't even let you answered before jumping to your lips, leaning a bit. you sighed in the middle of the kiss, relieved to feel him and his warm arms around you, your lips moving at synch.

his lips tasted like strawberry too.

⌙ 𝟐𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 🥳

[casual-penguin-bouquets-pos-blog]

Little Sister

Pairing: Dean x sister!reader(no incest), mention of Sam x sister!reader(no incest)

Summary: The Winchesters' little sister feels like a burden and Dean comforts her.

Warnings: Crying(should that be considered a warning???), sadness, a bit of angst , thought of being a burden, i think thats it (let me know if there's anything else I should include in the warnings)

Requested: yes/no

A/n: This is the first fic I've written, so bare with me if its a bit cringe worthy. It would also be a tremendous help if you were able to give me a little bit of feedback on how I can improve. Also, check out the bottom of the post and send requests!!! Thanks and ily! 🖤💚🖤

Tears flowed down your cheeks as you walked into the old, dirty motel you and your brothers were staying in. The three of you usually try to make the sleeping situation work. The boys usually get the beds and you have to sleep in the dirty, smelly, stained couch. But you don't always mind. In fact, you almost never care. As long as your brothers are somewhat content, you are too.

Like you expected, they weren't there. You know they weren't at a bar because its only 3:27pm, so you assumed they were doing their usual routine. Dean questions the victim(s) and witness(es) while Sam is either with Dean or doing research in a nearby library.

You sat at the table and pulled out your binder and textbook to start on some of the homework your science teacher assigned. You started to work, but also started to struggle. You couldn't focus. Your mind was blank. No thoughts, no feelings, no emotions, nothing. Just emptiness. You knew what this was, but your brothers didn't. You knew you had some kind of depression and anxiety, not as bad as it could be, but its not something that you think will just pass in a few days, or even weeks. No... this has been with you for probably about 6 months and your brothers don't suspect a thing. You want to keep it that way too. You don't want to have to be even more of a burden and have your brothers worry even more, so you kept quiet. You wiped away your tears and sat up straight, and attempted to finish your work.

"Oh hey, y/n." Dean said, walking into the motel room in his FBI suit.

"Hey" you mumbled back, not wanted to talk.

"You okay, bug?" He said with concern in his voice.

"Yeah, just tired." You used the lie that everyone uses, not putting in any effort to make up a different lie.

"You always say that. That's not true is it? You're not actually tired, are you?" Crap... he's catching on...

"Uhh, no, I'm really just tired. I swear." Now your anxiety was coming into play. You don't know how he'd act if he found out.

"Don't lie to me. I know something's wrong. There's been something off about you for a while now. You know you can talk to me and Sam, right? We're here for you."

"Yeah, I know I can talk to y'all, but it's hard to sometimes." I'm just gonna get it over with and tell him. What could go wrong, right?

"I know what you mean. When I got out of Hell, I refused to talk about it. But then Sam reminded me that we're family and we're here to take care of each other. So, y/n, please tell me what's going on."

"You really want to know what's upsetting me?"

"Yeah, I really do. I wanna make sure that you're okay."

"I think I'm a burden to you and Sammy. I feel like I'm just in the way. You always worry about me and you take care of me and make sure I'm getting good grades and eating and getting sleep but you shouldn't have to. You shouldn't have to worry about me. I don't matter. Not like you two do. You two have saved the world more times than I can count and I know that you'll continue to do so until you breathe your final breath. But me, I don't do anything. I sit here, in the motel room doing homework or something that has absolutely nothing to do with the case." You were almost sobbing by now, while Dean watched you rant with tears in his green eyes.

"Y/n... that's not true. None of th-" He started to talk, but you cut him off.

"No! Don't lie to me! Don't pity me and tell me that it's not true when you know it is!" You hated being pitied. It made you feel worse about yourself.

"Y/n! Calm down and let me talk." You knew he only yelled to get you to calm down, so you weren't worried that he was mad.

"O-okay." You wiped your tears with your sleeve and and tried to control you breathing as both of you walk over and sit on one of the beds. Dean wraps his arm around, you and you feel of his tears land on the top of your head. He's crying... because he cares.

"Y/n, you are not a burden. Not even close. I think I can say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to both me and Sam, okay? We worry about you because we want what's best for you. We make sure you get good grades so that you can go to college and do something with your life. If Sammy was here, I know he'd tell you the same exact thing. And believe it or not, me and Sammy have talked about it. You going to a good school and everything."

You look up at him when he said this. "Really?"

"Yeah, we both agreed that we want you to get through highschool and go to a good college. We want you to get a good job, find a guy that we approve of, and mabye even have a couple kids. We want you to get out of this life y/n. That's why we never ask you to go on hunts or help with a case, because we dont want you to get even the slightest bit involved more than you already are. You deserve better than this, y/n."

You shocked to say the least. You always thought that they didn't want you around, kr didn't want your help, but they just wanted better for you. If you were being honest, everything Dean just told sounds like Heaven to most hunters, but you're a Winchester, so you're not 'most hunters.' You would enjoy being out of this hunting life, but you know it won't happen. Again, you're a Winchester, so no matter what you do or where you go, something will follow. Knowing this, you make a sudden decision.

"Dean, we both know that won't be possible. Trouble follows us wherever we go and no matter what we do, we wouldn't be able to get them to leave us alone. It sounds lovely, having an apple pie life, but it won't happen. Instead, I want to help. I want to help save the world with you guys. I want to train, to do research, and to go on hunts with y'all."

Dean looks at you with sad eyes, knowing tjat you're right. You won't be able to have such luxury because of what you do and what your father dragged the three (more like four but they forgot Adam ) of you into.

"You're right, but we just want what's best for you. We want to make sure that you stay safe at all times. We want you to be protected."

"I know, Dean. That's why you and Sammy can train me, and show to do things. I can start by helping Sam with research and you can teach me how to you a pistol and a rifle, and we'll start out with the little things. Then, eventually, I'll be able to go on hunts with y'all."

"I can't make any promises, ans don't get too excited, but I can talk to Sam and see what he thinks about your little plan. I don't thinks it's that bad of an idea, but me and Sammy have to agree, okay?"

You don't have much to say anymore due to the fact that you just let everything that you kept bottled up for a while out, so you simply say "Thank you" and hug him tighter than you have in a while, and bury you face into his neck, feeling safe in your brother's arms.

THE END

Please send requests!

[vaporwavegirl]

2017 has been the craziest most emotionally damaging and most exhausting and weirdest year of my life. But through all have that I've met some amazing people and learned so much and grown up so much as a person I'm really started to learn about who really am and I've opened up and really matured alot this year. Started college and really starting to save up money and buying my own car and turning 18 and being given so much more freedom becoming so much more open and with my mother and forming such a close unbreakable bond with the women who adopted me and saved my life really was I was a baby. SHe and my father (who recently divorced) gave up alot to adopt me and my brother and raise us the best they could. We're not perfect and we definitely are difficult and mean and make stupid decisions sometimes but our parents despite going through alot them selves and our family struggling with alot of deaths and being broke and not having jobs for awhile have still done what they could to give us a good life. My mom is still there for me and is trying her hardest to take care of me and this year has been shitty but it has transformed me into an entirely new and happier and better person honestly. I've become much more spiritual and I'm so much I more in touch with myself .I'v been through alot but I wouldn't have it any other way it has been for the best. I have met so many of the most amazing people this year some of which were only in my life for a short time unfortunately. But I hope to keep in touch with these people and grow and thrive with them and I'm so happy I'm entering 2018 with some of the most amazing talented creative beautiful people I have ever have the pleasure of knowing in this life. This year is going to be about becoming an adult and making my way out of my mom's house and being on my own and figuring my future and my life out. I plan on moving across the country to the Washington /Oregon Seattle or forks or Portland or something because that's where i really feel like I belong and will thrive the most. I currently live in Alabama and there is nothing for me here except all the friends I've made. But I really feel like I want a fresh start somewhere completely new and amazing and meet many more new Amazing beautiful and live my life to the fullest. After Tonight I'm quitting all of my partying and drugs atleast until I get financially stable enough and atleast am moved out of my mom's house or am living on my own somewhere and I can afford to party and live my life a little so that will probably be when move to Seattle and weed and stuff is legal and it's more acceptable to be who I am up there. I'm quitting smoking weed for atleast like 2-3 months after today. Only reason I am not longer is because I smoke marijuana to medicate myself for my depression and anxiety and shit as opposed to prescription stuff because the stuff doctors give me just make me feel numb and not myself and I'm still low-key depressed. I'm only taking a break from weed to start saving up money and really try to focus and finding a place to move out to when I graduate around may and saving up to do so. Don't judge me but while I'm taking my few months off from smoking and I'm going to be selling a bit of bud to my close friends to make some extra money on the side because weed isn't quite legal here yet and it's a little difficult for my friends to get sometimes and it's going to help me out as a student who finds it hard to find a part time job that doesn't pay minimum wage (7.25 fuK THAT) and gives me decent hours it's always not enough hours for decent pay or they work me to FUCKING dEATH for shit pay and it stresses me out. I quit my recent job about a week and ago I'm started 2018 fresh with a new job starting pay a little above minimum wage at 8.50 an hour and after a few weeks I'll get a raise. They say I'll hopefully get decent hours like 25-35 a week and it's a small Japanese/ Asian/ pop culture shop owned by a Chinese lady that coincidentally has the same name as me and there's only like 3 other people that work there and they are all really cool good friends of mine that's I've met through cosplaying the past few years. So starting with a new hopefully better job. Starting off sober with my mind focussed on graduating cosmetology school and saving up money and working hard and getting my life together. The last thing I'll probably really spend money on and do for myself this year is Kami con at the end of this month. My family has helped get me different parts of my lapis lazuli (gem from Steven universe) cosplay for me as Christmas gifts and it is tradition that if at all possible I will do everything I can to attend each year and I have for the past 5 years and this year I will have my first legitimate good cosplay and I'm excited. But after that every bit of my money is to school tuition, helping my mom with the phone bill and our car insurance and groceries when she needs it and saving the rest for moving out and starting my future. When I move to Seattle and hopefully become successful enough? at cosmetology that I open my own salon that I'm hoping my unique edgy choice in hairstyles with be accepted and eventually apprentice as a tattoo artist and open a piercing/tattoo/body shop open up like with my salon that like a super weird dream of mine I had for awhile and honestly I'm probably not going to be good enough but I'm going work my ass off and be sober and focus on my future so I can reach my fullest potential I have been put through too much and made it way too far to not try and live my life to the best of my ability and do everything I can to really be happy and stable and eventually fall in love and maybe have a kid and honestly I truly believe I'm going to marry this boy that I've been on and off with since freshman year of highschool. We both lost out Virginity to each other after dating for the first like 6 months and that was the first time we dated which was almost 11 months after we broke up and went a little crazy and just kinda started dating random people not really for love just because I was so scared of being alone and I hated idea of it. So I just fucked around alot and never really had anything as serious as my dude (I don't wanna say his name but if u know me and ur reading this u probably already know who I'm talking anyways. We were distant and not even on speaking terms for maybe two years. After i grew up a bit and started actually making goals and becoming a young adult I contacted him and asked if he wanted to meet up and catch up on our lives and try to give being friends a shot. Its been maybe a little over a year since I had reached out and started talking to him again. We've tried dating again and we have been on an off since then and we both are young adults trying to figure out our lives and we are both struggling alot as far mental health because of the stress of having to grow up kinda and it just kept fucking up out relationship and my emotions were so all over the place and I was really struggling with trying to figure out what I need in life and how to be happy without have to rely on a relationship or drugs or material things. I had to learn how to enjoy the actual important things in my life like all the beautiful amazing people I've had the pleasure of knowing in this life and how to cut toxic people and thinks and places out of my life if it's affecting my mental health and over learned that it's ok to be sensitive and to want to take care of yourself and have a good mental health. I've learned how to just live in the moment and to surround myself with positive vibes and only be around good honest genuine people that actually care about me and want me to succeed. I want the people in my life now to be people that I know forever and people that are going to be there for me in future. Anyways Over those two years me and the boy didn't talk i never got over him matter how hard a tried and thought I was and that i could potentially be falling love with some one. I just cant. I am in love with him and always will be no matter what. If i still feel so happy and deeply in love with him after.he broke my heart and didn't talk to be for 2 years I know this man is meant to be apart my life forever weather it is as my lover or as one of my closest friends. We are soul mates and I know that I will absolutely love him completely and unconditonally for the rest of my life. Those two years when I wasn't with him kept failing my classes in high school freshman and sophomore and was extremely suicidal and didn't give and fuck about school and even went to the mental hospital for awhile towards the end of my sophomore year and at that point i literally thought I was so stupid and worthless and not even worth the effort of living and being such and disappointment to my family and my friends because I could pass one class in high school and I had given up. Until my counselor transferred me to a kind of alternative school that I could do everything at my own pace and only do the essentials and stuff I absolutely need to learn instead of busy work and stupid shit like public school. This place had no semesters or exams or grades. It has 4 different very well educated and super cool and awesome genuine teachers that actually care about helping you get the best education and they really do care about their students and they are so passionate about helping these kids actually learn and have an opportunity to have a future. Theres one teacher for each subject and 5 councilors that the 70-80 kids are divided between them and it was such an amazing really healing place and i met some really amazing people that year and learned alot about myself and started doing art therapy and I got my work done and realized I wasnt actually stupid like I had been so sure I was but I'm actually very intelligent I just have manic depression and severe social anxiety and I just needed to start working on myself and start making the effort to keep myself happy and actually work on my life and be the person I want to be. After that year during summer I made the decision not to go back to public school for what would have been my senior year so as soon as I was 17 I dropped out of high school and got my GED and I started cosmetology school at 17 years old before my graduating class even finished there senior year. My GED teacher was also a councilor and i became very close to her and she's honestly helped me make a future for myself and she supported me and saw how smart I was and she would help me no matter what and still to this day if in need to talk or need help with something i can call her and she will 100% help me because she is such a good and selfless and kind woman that genuinely cares about me and my future. It's rare that you meet teachers that actually help their kids . I honestly made the decision to do whats best for me and my mental health and i got my career and life started as early as I could because I'm determined to live my life to the best before I'm too old or die super young I'm some crazy way because honestly life is so short and way too short not to do everything u can to just really be the best you can be and enjoy life and do what makes u fuckin happy. So starting this year I am being sober so I can graduate school and work and save money and start my life as a young independent adult. My teenage years have been so wild and I've been through so much but it's I wouldn't trade these last few years. I've met so many kind beautiful amazing souls and I've learned so much about life and other people and relationships and I've learned about happiness within myself and I've learned alot about who I am and what it really want in life. I've learned alot about my mental illnesses and how to cope with them the best way possible for myself. I've had some of the best and most amazing adventures and i made so many amazing memories so despite the bullshit I've been through in my teenage years and all the stress of becoming a young adult in this super fucked up world we live in today I know that I have made it this far and I become stronger and better everyday and I'm thriving and finally getting where I want to be. I'm becoming more content with who I am and I'm learning to love myself and be who I am and I'm so happy with the person I becoming and I know I'm going to continue growing and thriving and becoming a beautiful and amazing person living the best life I can. This started out as a new years resolution post but im on alot of stuff right now and I felt like I needed to just write about stuff. Anyways. Happy new years yall here's to a fresh start and then beginning of my life as I figure out how to be my own person. 2018 is going to be so fucking good

[sonicmega]

Hm... I'm enthralled now. How did you come to do voice acting? Was it a sort of, spur of the moment? Or was it more so like a passion you wanted to pursue after highschool/college? I've also begun to wonder. What do you specifically do to change the timbre of your voice? I assume its different for every voice actor out there and, given your experience, you've most likely developed a method no? Lastly, how do you land jobs? Do you need a specific talent or is it more so fitting the voice color?

January 2007 

I discover that voice acting is a thing. My time spent on Neopets noticeably dwindles for the moment.

(Also none of these are specific moments that I think made or broke my career, I am just offering all relevant moments in time)

Feb/Mar 2007 

A man by the name of Deven “Mac” notices my frequent postings on Newgrounds - my fervent spamming, more like - and informs me about Voice Acting Club. Kira Buckland, 10 years younger, is finishing up school soon and has begun plans for moving out of Alaska to pursue life in Cali

March 2007 - 2008

Amateur Voice Acting AHOY! I audition for a shitload of projects, mostly fandubs. Mostly Newgrounds. my voice is terrible but my enthusiasm and energy is unyielding. Mac helps me with basic tenets of voiceover techniques and I also exhibit some pretty shitty behaviors (delaying submitting lines for weeks because I’m nervous about ‘doing them wrong’).

September 2008 

I get accepted into Western Michigan on a scholarship. I decide to major in Film/Video/Media studies because it’s 'the most similar to what I want to do’ (Voiceover) and decide to put more personal interests in as minors (Journalism, Japanese, Psychology).

The actual curriculum itself did jack shit for my career but it’s what I did during my time there that matters more.

2008-2012

Four years of college. I make friends within my interest groups but nearly all of my time is spent either in class or in my dorm room on my PC. OMGPOP is king of my time until Maplestory releases the Evan class.

More importantly, it was also the formative years of my freelance career.

I sign up for Voice123 membership. It goes horribly. Low ratings nearly all the time. I take on an audiobook job and deliver over-estimate by 7 goddamn months. Client is PISSED.A site called VoiceBunny also crops up; more suited for quick one-off jobs that don’t need 'the perfect voice’, just a suitable one. Extremely reliant on being at your computer at a moment’s notice.

I have no social life.

This meshes well.

Within college, I am constantly involved in things related to acting/voiceover.

- On-campus Sexual Health Peer Education group (skits and lectures) all 4 years of attendance. This also gave me opportunities to record voiceover for segments needing 'voice of god’- local radioplay group All Ears Theater (2 productions every 2-3 months, included a formal audition process and live performances in front of audiences for later broadcast via radio/web)- Audio Production class (as part of my Major) quick-learns me basic editing techniques, directly translates to my ability to do quickfire editing and turnaround now as a freelancer.- Continuing to do auditions for stuff for Voice Acting club. This is probably the most similar to many ‘Tumblr phase’ performers on here.Over time, constant exposure + guidance from peers/my mentor helps me to hone my skills. I still tend to 'loud-act’ things, IE using an unnecessarily loud/forceful voice for simple business narration,but I’m beginning to understand the intricacies of different styles (Commercial vs. Promo vs. character, etc)

January 2009

During winter break, on a ski trip with family, I learn about Anime Expo’s AX Idol competition. I tell my dad the one thing I want for my birthday present is funding to help go to this convention and compete. He obliges.

Summer 2009

I go to Anime Expo and compete in AX Idol for voiceover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUQpkyfVYog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-PwvyeM1jw

Things go well.

Fall 2009 - sometime 2011

Things DO NOT GO WELL. My victory at AX causes me to feel like I know what I am doing, leads to an almost 2 year stint of godawful delivery choices as I 'phone in’ performances like they’re just going to be good on foundation. My mentor is frustrated with me and at least one peer of mine actively thinks I don’t deserve the kinds of opportunities I’ve had over how hard he himself has worked.

2012

I graduate from college, determine that the only way I’m going to make progress is by forcing myself into the community where the industry exists. If I’m going to get workshops and studio auditions and actual non-online work, I need to be where the work is.

Summer 2012, 2 months after graduation

I move from Michigan to California

I have enough savings to cover about a year of rent if everything goes horribly horribly wrong (including losing every single freelance client I’d slowly built relationships with during college), but it’s obvious I need to find work to continue to stay out here.

I take a Graveyard shift job at Stanley security. It sucks my fucking soul out.

Meanwhile by day, I am still doing my freelance thing. I let BangZoom know I am now local. I work with my mentor on piecing together a demo both from good bits I’d done before and fresh content written for the demo, something I can show off to clients that is good enough to be worth listening to but that I can admit “I am new to the area and aiming to get my foot in the door for more professional work so that I can update my portfolio accordingly”

2012-2014

The Workshop Grind

Workshops with BangZoom, with Crispin Freeman, with VoiceTrax West, etc.

Through character archetype classes, I begin to understand where my inherent strengths lie (I already had an idea from my freelance side, but now I was able to confirm those strengths by having actual professionals go “You made great choices”)

BangZoom, meanwhile, SLOWLY works me up the chain of trust. I get called in for unpaid walla sessions just to see if I can meet appointments on time and follow directions.

Then unnamed 1-time characters in a crowd.

Then unnamed characters you can hear.

Then a recurring unnamed character.

Then at some point I get audition sides for something called Sword Art Online, for Kirito and Diabel. I initially only plan on auditioning for Kirito (dem Protagonist dweams) but have a last-minute Skype Workshop with Crispin about my auditions and get feedback from him.

He recommends I still try out for Diabel because it plays into my strengths and “why the hell not?”

I do.

2013-2014

Pretty much my ONLY studio work is coming from BangZoom, and it’s not frequent. I quit my job at Stanley only because I had some extra savings now and wanted to force myself to 'git gud’ instead of letting a safety net of money keep me from pursuing more.

But slowly, SLOWLY, through BangZoom auditions and the occasional booking, web strings begin to attach.

Out of personal interest, I do a brief stint as a QA tester for NIS America. This also happens around the time BangZoom is casting for DanganRonpa and Fairy Fencer F. My employment didn’t affect my audition chances, but it did solidify NISA’s knowledge of me as a voiceover artist.

I do some work for Ys: Memories of Celceta for a company called XSEED. Nothing comes of it until almost 3 years later, when a new localization lead named Brittany recalls my performance from Ys and says “I think he could be a really good fit for this dude named Rean Schwarzer”.

I land work on Killer Instinct through BangZoom. The director of that LOVES my performance, proceeds to slowly bring me back now and again for recurring roles on stuff like Gundam IBO and other projects.

Back to XSEED.I land my lead role in Trails of Cold Steel. Recording is at PCB Productions, who now knows I exist.

Everyone has a good time, I send my samples/demos to PCB (now updated further), they begin sending me THEIR audition sides as well.

At one point, a director for PCB I know well is collaborating with a studio called Cup of Tea on Akiba’s Beat. Kira has been working with Cup of Tea for YEARS but I had never had an opportunity to get in touch with them before now.

Director puts me in touch with Cup of Tea, who now knows I exist. Session goes decently, I tell them I am very interested in pursuing future work/auditions and would like to share my demos with them. They accept.For sake of time I will leave that thread where it is because I imagine you can understand what the underlying theme is.

Just a sporadic but progressive timeline of preparedness + Opportunity allowing me to expand my options.

Back to Workshop Side:

I continue actively pursuing workshops for other companies, especially VoiceTrax west. I sign up for “meet the pros” evenigns where I have a chance to perform + get feedback.

The workshop actively disclaimers that there is no expectation of getting work + it is intended to be a learning experience, but I go in with the mindset of “I’m going to leave them WANTING to work with me”.

With a much more thorough understanding of my strengths by now, I tend to do a formula of picking 1-2 characters I know I can do well, and one that is within my range but is relatively challenging. Worst case scenario I still leave a good impression, best case I completely surprise myself (and the host) and leave a lasting one.

This works out well. Said method greatly interests a representative from Mattel and one from Disney Parks (not the animation side, just the theme park side). I thank them for their time, ask if I can share demos with them/get their contact email, contact them and express interest in receiving audition opportunities.

Through one of these same workshops, I also meet my future agency, SBV Talent’s lead person Mary Ellen Lord. I do the same thing. Mary proceeds to circumvent SBV’s entire policy of “Referrals Only” representation to ask me to come to their offices to record an official application demo.Note that none of these workshop outcomes, or the workshops themselves, were things pointed to me by studios I was working for. This section was all self-driven/pursued (and also required me to be local).Since then, I’ve been continuing the routine of doing freelance work from home, sending out auditions for studio-hosted projects when the sides are provided to me, and generally working with my mentor when I have questions about approaching a certain character. Either because of personal growth or recent portfolio additions (or both), my success rate with booking new roles has kind of shot up; I’m hoping this trend continues for the foreseeable future.

[datingadviceonreddit]

Im a 21M and just graduated college, but still have never had a relationship/been on a date/had a kiss/held hands/etc. ever.Start of Junior year of highschool I said to myself "Im going to finally find someone and will be able to go to Prom." I didn't.So Senior year, I did said the same. I didn't.Freshman year of college I said to myself "okay, now there's no cliques of people like in highschool so I don't have to worry, and I'll finally meet someone." Freshman year passed and I didn't.Sophmore year I said "Okay first year was getting used to college, I'm not in a stupid dorm now so I feel more mature, and this year I'll find a SO." I didn't.Junior year [my last year because graduating early] I said "okay, I've moved off campus to a nice apartment, got a nice PT job while going to school, last year, I gotta find someone before graduating right?" I didn't.I said "okay I'll meet someone at my new job" but turns out that the job is mostly guys in their 30s and the females are all 30+ as well. I'm the youngest by 7-8 yearsI've been told "don't look for a relationship, and you'll find yourself stumbling into one." So I've gone months of not even thinking about it, and not thinking about being single and just doing what I want, and I never "walked into a relationship" nothing even close to that.I've been told "work on yourself and you'll attract a SO." and that's what I've been doing my last year at school.In Highschool I was a bony skinny guy who was tiny. I started going to the gym this year and have been tracking everything. If I want to "work on myself" then take it seriously. I have excel sheets for tracking lift numbers, tracking calories, progress and goals. I've added lots of weight to my lifts and am still skinny but no longer anorexic or "ew he's so bony"In addition, I have a passion for basketball and work on improving myself there. I'm playing pickup a lot of the time now if not practicing by myself and am continuously getting better and improving in different areas.I focused on school and ended my year with all As and a good GPA for my resume and completed huge projects for my resume and future career.I also have worked on learning things in free time, whether it be trying to pickup guitar, or learning more things for my career field, or just random things listening to podcasts and reading.Furthermore, I even was able to land an Internship right out of college without skipping a beatBut this hasn't just naturally "attracted" anyone by itself.I thought I would meet someone in college, but my major made that much harder. In Computer Science, its 85% males. Of the 15% females, half are international students, so its only handfuls of people that I've had the opportunity to meet for potential SO. And what happens when there's 8x more guys than girls? Someone gets left out... actually lots do. I can't remember the last time I was able to meet a girl that was actually single. Its a harder than finding a needle in a haystack because of the ratio.I'm at the point where I just feel like giving up. About two-three months ago I had the realization that "well I'm graduating and I've still never been on a single date" and ever since it hasn't left my mind. I try not to think about it, I'm still doing the "work on yourself" but its always in the back of my head nagging at me, nonstop. I can't do anything to stop it. Its become a huge void that I can't fill.For example, I was at the gym shooting basketball and a gorgeous girl was there shooting too (good too), and the whole time I had this knot in my stomach. Idk what it was and there's nothing I could do to stop the "feeling." Sure call it some sort of 'jealousy' for wishing I had a SO. But I knew she was well out of my league. But it doesn't happen to just every girl. If I see a girl that is WELL WELL out of my league the I don't think anything of it, because its just not real to me. Even in my fantasy it just doesn't make sense. For instance me dating a girl in a sorority. I go(went) to a party school were frats/sororities were a big part of the state university. And the frats sororities had a higher social status so thats a thing that just wouldn't ever happen.I've been working on myself, hang out with friends, but even then I just never had the friends introducing you to people who may have chemistry with you I know many friends introduce other single friends with other friends or it naturally happens and that's how many people meet SOs. Its never happened once for me.One of my close friends got out of a 4 year relationship, two weeks later he was complaining how much he hates being single. Things like that are just a dagger at times. then the other day he reveals that he's been seeing girls and has slept with multiple now, and he was asking advice because one continued to bug him because she apparently really likes him and blah blah blah (I had no advice because what do I know? nothing). Its not "oh Im still a virgin" its just being reminded that others have no trouble whatsoever finding SOs and I've never experienced anything close to that. I'm the only friend in my group that has never experienced anything. There's usually inside jokes about me being single and its just teasing, but I just want to fill the giant hole."Try tinder out, even if its not your style, it'll be a confidence booster if anything man" yeah welp I did that, and didn't get any matches but bots. The "SWIPE ON EVERYTHING" method, the "Buy Gold and see who likes you" method, the "Put tons of work to make your profile worth it" method. I've downloaded it and deleted it multiple times because its goes from "okay maybe I'll get matches" to downright depressing. I've done OKCupid and other online sites for other styles of dating, but no success.One of my friends is already engaged at 21, One is about to be in a year, One can be seeing multiple girls just weeks after a relationship, One can use tinder and have success and recommend it, blah blah blah. But here I am still never held a hand before.TLDR: People will say "oh you're young you'll find something soon. But I was told that in highschool, then as a freshman, and now again and again. The single best opportunity to get into dating is in College, I believe thats a pretty easy fact. And I fucking missed it with NO results at all. Now I am working fulltime, and my freetime is very limited, from now on to the future, I will have less and less freetime with having to do more work and put more effort in working up the totem poll and taking on more responsibilities as i become "more of an adult"Everyone says "You'll find someone" but it sounds like thats just a nice saying. What if some people don't? and many people don't ever. Accept it and not worry? how do you do that especially if thats the one thing you wanted in life? via /r/dating_advice