#i usually link all items but I didn't have the energy this time around

[chronic-escapixt]

His Rose ~ Part 1

(Kai Parker x Bennett OC fanfiction)

content warnings/tags ~ Dark fiction, CNC, dubcon, yandere, murder, abuse, trauma, smut, stalking, innocence kink, dacryphilia, manipulation. Minors DNI

I don't claim ownership of The Vampire Diaries or its characters. All credits go to the rightful owner(s). I only own my original character(s).

Word count: 1.6k

K.P. Masterlist

Bonnie's life was on the line.. again.

The Other Side was collapsing, time was running out and as the anchor to the crumbling realm, she knew she wouldn't be spared. She stopped at her home and let Rose know. The news absolutely crushed her sister. Rose felt like she just got her back from when she died last summer. Becoming the anchor was her second chance at life but now it was being ripped away. Rose didn't even have time to argue a solution before she squeezed her in a tight hug and said goodbye. She was out the door, dashing off to pull Elena, Damon, and the others back from the Other Side.

Rose watched as the door shut behind her, wiping the wetness from her eyes before charging into Sheila Bennett's in-home study. From her life as a practicing witch and occult studies professor, their late grandmother had shelves full of ancient grimoires, scrolls, texts and items so she ought to have something that could save Bonnie. As the minutes ticked by, the piles of useless books stacked around her grew with her desperation.

"There's nothing here!" she muttered, slamming the heavy grimoire closed. The force rattled the desk and the shelf above it, knocking a scroll down in front of her. Rose blinked away her frustrated tears and lifted the dusty scroll, blowing it with her breath to reveal the Latin handwriting and symbols.

After pulling her friends back to the living world, Bonnie anticipated the approaching light. She glanced back, meeting Elena's solemn gaze. They all gathered behind her, no words left to say as they watched their beloved witch meet the very fate she had saved them from. She knew she couldn't save herself and she accepted that. She only hoped that within the next few moments she would find peace with her grams and father.

The moment she closed her eyes, she felt a jolt of energy lance through her. Something changed. When she opened them, she was amongst the others but Rose stood a few feet away, the wind of the collapsing dimension tossing her brown curls, the white light reflecting off her face.

Horror gripped her when she realized she was no longer linked to the Other Side, Rose was.

She offered Bonnie an apologetic smile as she watched tears bead down her shocked face.

"I love you, Bonnie," she uttered just before the light consumed her completely...

and she was gone.

The brightness subsided as the wind around her settled to a calm hush. Rose could finally open her eyes and found that she was standing in the same place, at the boarder of Mystic Falls but everyone had disappeared.

She dashed around town calling out Bonnie's name, looking for her, their friends or anyone but it was completely deserted. She stopped to catch her breath in the middle of the town square, the usually bustling epicenter was empty. That's when panic set in, worrying that she was actually dead, though this didn't seem like the “peace” described or even hell. For that matter, she didn't feel dead, in fact she felt very much alive something she realized when her stomach growled. “Dead people don't get hungry," she told herself as she walked into the Mystic Grill. Much like everywhere else, the Grill was desolate. She made her way into the kitchen and found it fully stocked with alcohol and food that seemed up to date, so the town couldn't have been abandoned too long ago, she thought. Rose made a quick sandwich and walked toward the bar when her eyes fell upon the bulletin board. She nearly dropped her plate when she read the date on the calendar.

May 9th, 1994.

It didn't take long for him to notice that things were different. After 18 years of complete solitude, he grew accustomed to the consistency of the realm. His strong ability to detect the presence of magic, made it all the more obvious to him when the young Bennett witch touched down in his prison world. He tracked her down to a Virginian town called Mystic Falls where he first saw her in the living room nose deep in a grimoire. He slipped through an unlocked door and watched her silently out of her view. He figured she was looking for anything that would explain where she is or how to escape but she likely wouldn't find anything in those texts. Luckily for her, he planned on revealing everything...

In due time.

Just over a week passed and unbeknownst to her, Kai was watching the entire time. He’d stay up while she slept, curled up with her fuzzy plush lamb she called lamby. Most nights she’d clutch the stuffed toy to her chest and just cry herself to sleep. Like a sad shelter commercial, he enjoyed the pathetic display, though he hated the little white lamb with a passion, fantasizing about how much more she’d cry if she woke up and it’s head was cut off.

He observed everything, from her tendency to talk to herself to the she way she put tension in her lips when she was concentrating on the Latin of her texts. Clearly, she was a beginner and her general naivety would come to his advantage once he finally decided to make his move.

Rose swayed her hips as she rounded the corner, pushing her grocery cart while singing along to ‘I Wanna Dance with Somebody' by Whitney on her Walkman. He sat in a fold up lawn chair in the center aisle of the otherwise empty market, munching on a bag of pork rinds and watching with an amused grin, wondering when she would finally notice him. After deciding on a box of Count Chocula, she finally turned from the shelves and their eyes met. Her mouth fell open as she paused the tape and lowered the headphones from her ears. He smiled and gave a slight wave.

“Were you there the whole time?” She blurted breathlessly, taking him in. His face had a pleasant balance of soft and sharp features that made him both cute and intimidating and a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. The dark brunette wore a hooded jacket styled over a graphic tee, denim jeans and worn out converse.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to interrupt. You sounded amazing by the way.”

Her cheeks burned, “t-thank you… umm who are you?”

“Sorry, manners, I’m Kai. Nice to meet you.” He set aside the bag and stood up from the chair. Her eyes followed his ascent until he stood fully, towering over her. “And you are…?”

Her ears got hot. “Oh right! Rose- I’m Rose… excuse me, I haven’t spoken to another person in a while. I promise I’m not normally this awkward…” she sighed and averted her gaze downwards.

Kai shoved his hands in his pockets, “can’t be any worse than me I've been here since the very beginning.”

“You’ve been all alone for 18 years?" she uttered in disbelief.

Kai forced a laugh, “It's not so bad. There’s no traffic, everything’s free and privacy isn’t an issue… now, there is the crippling loneliness but that only creeps in once in a while.” He casually plopped back down on his chair and grabbed his chip bag.

“There’s no way out of here, is there?” She sighed.

"Nope, not unless you happen to be a Bennett witch…” he scoffed as though the thought were incredulous and popped a rind in his mouth.

Her eyes lit up. “Wait, I am! I am a Bennett witch.”

Kai grinned, “well then the odds just got a lot better.”

“So, is Kai short for something?” She asked as they walked back to her place. Kai offered to push the cart for her.

“Malachai,” he replied.

“Malachai,” she practiced softly.

“But I prefer Kai,” he tagged on.

“What about you, Rose is short for what? Rosemary or… Rosalie?”

She giggled. "You’re close, it’s Rosalina but I prefer Rose.”

“Rosalina... that's pretty, much more fitting if you ask me.” The way he said her name made her want to bite her lip but she opted to return his smile instead.

“This is me,” she announced when they came to her house. She led him inside where he was kind enough to help her put away the groceries.

“So, what is this place?” she asked.

“One of many prison worlds created by the Gemini coven. Anyone who opposes them is gifted their own personal hell dimension. I got mine on my 22nd birthday.”

“Why would they do that to you?”

He sighed, “most of it is coven politics- what you know and who you know, ya’ know? Long story short, my family betrayed me for more power. I don’t really like talking about it.”

Rose understood and decided not to pry. “So, you know how to get us out of here?”

Kai leaned forward on the counter while he explained the Gemini coven always left a back door to their prison worlds and it was called an ascendant. Under the direct light of a solar eclipse a Bennett witch is to use her magic and blood to activate the device and transport them back to the real world. “We’re going to need a locator spell to find the ascendant. Without my magic, I haven’t been able to find it.”

“When is the next eclipse?” Rose asked.

“Time works a little differently here… the month of May repeats itself over and over, starting with the 9th. Every third time May 9th comes around the eclipse happens.”

"The last eclipse just passed a few nights ago… that means we have about three months to wait.”

“On the bright side, we have plenty of time to find the ascendant,” He noted with an optimistic air. It amazed her how he managed to be so hopeful and positive even after being trapped for 18 years. “After all this time, 3 months is nothing,” he murmured.

She thanked him for helping her with her groceries. “Well, I’m going to make stuffed chicken for dinner. You can stay if you want.”

“You just met me and you’re asking me to stay for dinner… I mean, I could be a serial killer,” he finished with a charming smirk.

“You’re too nice to be a serial killer,” she put matter-of-factly while taking out the chicken breasts.

“Ted Bundy was nice,” he retorted.

She smiled at his wit. “Are you staying or not? Because I need to know if I’m making one chicken breast or two.”

Kai relented, “Oh, alright. How can I say no to stuffed chicken?”

[bitchlessdino]

When We Didn't (m)

A SVTHUB COLLAB

Pairing: afab!reader x jihoon

Genre: fluff, slice of life, angst, smut

word count: 4.9k

tags: extrovert!reader, opposites attract, flashbacks, college au, slow burn, pussy drunk!Jihoon, slight exhibitionism, oral (f. recieving), fingering

Summary: Remember when we almost? But we didn’t. And now what, you’re gonna sit alone, underneath your barely standing Christmas tree and not expect me to sit next to you? Maybe we should’ve.

author note: make sure to check out all the other member this collab at this link or @svthub !

5 years ago

You scramble to get to the first class of the morning, thinking to yourself it should’ve been a crime to have classes before 10 am. It was the first day of freshman year and you were already late.

The lecture hall was packed to the brim seconds before classes would start. You’d scan the descending seats, hopeful for even a few inches of space. A faint voice starts to speak out next to you and looking down you see a man with utterly soft fairytale-like features. He initially stuns you at first until you realize he’s telling you there’s an empty seat next to him and you whisper to him plenty of words of thanks.

You settle beside him, taking out things from your backpack, throwing quick glances back at him, and eventually realize the severity of your consequences when you notice how you forgot to pack all the necessary items for your first day. “Fuck.”

The quiet man nonchalantly offers a pen, peeking through his specs. “Here.”

“Really?” You take it from his grasp. “Thank you.”

He nods and turns back mindlessly to his journal, preparing himself for the note-taking. After some more scrambling, you sheepishly poke at his shoulder and avert his attention back on you, seeing that awkward apologetic grin on your face. “I don’t want to bother you again, but can I have a sheet of paper?”

He nods, tearing one out and handing it to you the same way he had the pen, which you accepted graciously. “And…I didn't bring my textbook so–”

“I’m not tearing you pages from my textbook because you don’t have yours.”

“Not that,” you reassure, unsure whether he made a joke or if he actually thought you’d ask that of him, “If you don’t mind sharing, that’d be great. It’d only ever be for one time.”

The man sighs, begrudgingly pushing his book until it centers the both of you. “There.”

“Thank you,” you whisper and scoot closer to him, almost too close for comfort.

He pays you no mind for the rest of the time, even when you cross the invisible lines that were essential to common courtesy. He knew he just had to deal with it one day (which was far from the actual truth), and lucky for him, you knew how to be quiet for the most part anyway. The class came to an end eventually and he was grateful for that, he just had two more classes for the rest of the day. Picking up his belongings, you block off his path with a smile.

“Thanks again,” You bring out your hand for him to shake, “I’m Y/n.”

“Jihoon.” He answers plainly, barely reciprocating your gesture before getting up to follow everyone else through the exits.

You mouth his name as if committing it to memory and was quick to get a step behind him. “You should let me thank you sometime…Jihoon.”

“That’s not necessary.”

You halt in front of him before he could exit the doors. “At least a coffee. We are gonna be classmates after all.”

He sighs, avoiding those puppy eyes that come naturally to your golden retriever energy. He usually avoided people like you. People like you were draining, distracting, and he’d rather stay cooped up in his apartment rewatching Inuyasha for the thousandth time. 

Yet.

 “Just a coffee?”

Your eyes light up like the fourth of July. “And your insta?”

Present Day Christmas Eve

“But I wanted to celebrate Christmas with you,” You whine over the phone.

Your mother’s reassuring voice resonated from your phone. “Sweetie, you’re young and able-bodied, you’ll find something better to do than hanging around two old coots.”

“Well, you old coots have a one way trip to Hawaii, how will I top that?”

It turns out your parents hit the jackpot on some bingo night at the community center and would be traveling without you. No doubt, it hurt that you wouldn’t be going, but it hurt more that you wouldn’t be with your family since you spent pretty much every Christmas with each other. It was like things were changing before your eyes. You were growing older and older and you weren’t their little kid anymore. You were on your own.

“There’s always next year, sweetheart.”

You sigh defeatedly and hang up before trying someone else. The dial tone became an incessant noise in your ear after several attempts of contacting your friends. The messages blew up soon after rejection and apologies. Who knew on the Eve of Christmas no one would be available? (Of course, you knew but it couldn’t help to try).

“Y/n, I’m sorry.” 

Groaning into the phone in frustration, almost sobbing into the phone about to hear another rejection come from a loved one’s lips. “You’re kidding.”

“This is me and Mingyu’s first Christmas together. Maybe try Cheol? Yeri? Joshua?”

“They’ve been talking about their alps for months!” You slump in your loveseat and whimper into the cushions. You could hear your friend’s sigh of pity on the other line. “Come on, there has to be one other person in your same predicament.”

“I don’t know about that.”

You've gone up and down your contact list, almost closing in on coworker numbers, and acquaintances, including a hookup that slipped his number in your phone without looking. Even that sounded tempting at this point. Lucky for you, you weren’t that desperate.

There was one last person you thought to call though. They’re also the first person you thought to spend Christmas with besides family. A person that you thought could spend all your time with. The question was whether he wanted to spend such a holiday with you. 

Sometime after your first encounter

Jihoon planned to continue his quaint life as a college student, but you didn’t make it easy. Despite the lack of assigned seating, you made sure to take the seat next to him every day, waving at him when you enter the classroom after him a beat later. You made sure you wouldn’t come to class late again just to sit next to him.

“Hi, desk mate—I mean Jihoon. See I remembered.”

He sees you take your seat, settling in on the fact that there was pretty much his designated seat now no matter how early he arrives, “Hey.”

Taking his things out of his bag to be blindsided by you who pushes packaged convenience food in front of him. “Breakfast!”

“You said it’d only be coffee.” He points out a matter of fact.

“I did.” You point to bottled expresso. “Right there. Everything else is interest.”

He sighs, taking the coffee and stuffing it in his bag. “I’ll just take this. Thanks.”

“Come on, you’ll be hungry later.”

He flips through pages of his textbook, happy being using it alone, “I’ll survive.”

You somehow became a thorn in his side seeing you routinely and he made no effort in changing that. Where he was, you went. You made yourself nearly impossible to avoid. Over time, he found himself relying on you because of it. Though he found you a nuisance at times, it wasn’t all bad. You were chirpy and clingy, but that proved yourself to be useful at times.

“Shit!”

Jihoon never runs for a few reasons: it’s tiring, he gets sweaty, and he gets red. Really red. So, being tardy to lectures was not on the agenda, until the day he had no choice.

He burst through the lecture hall much like your first day, late for the first time ever in his life, he blames it all on his dorm mate that came home drunk and insisted on him dancing with him in the middle of the common area for no reason and cleaning up his puke soon after (yeah maybe his roommate’s name rhymes with toonyoung). 

He tries getting to a seat inconspicuously as possible if any were available, and that’s when he hears your harsh whisper. Your hand waves him over and pointed at the seat next to you that had your backpack currently occupying it.

He sighs but nods at you in a quiet thanks before accepting the invitation. You grin from ear to ear watching him get in his seat and pass him a Pocari sweat, like some kind of guardian angel. “You’re a bit red. Have at it.”

He gulps looking back at the refreshment and accepts it before chugging half of it down in desperation. “Thank you.”

“There’s always more if you need it.” You lightly nudge him before directing your attention to the lecture.

He glances back at you, wondering how you always keep that optimistic smile on your face relentlessly, how you never grow tired, and he starts to think about what motivates it all. You were an average student like he is. What was there to smile about?

Class ends again like aways and much like other days, here you were following him like a newborn puppy. Most days he ignored you, but that day he didn’t bother trying. Instead, he felt a sense of gratitude. 

“Does this mean you’ll let me have your insta now?”

Not stopping in his stride, he flattens out his hand in your direction. “Phone.”

“Really?” You ask as happily as a child, already taking it out and unlocking it before handing it to him.

He immediately pulls up your contact list and adds himself in, his name as plain and straightforward as possible. He hands it back to you. “I put in my number. I don’t have Instagram.”

“That’s fine! I can call you all the time now.”

You try retrieving it before he pulls it away with an authoritative expression.  “Not all the time.”

“Alright, alright.” Finally grabbing hold and editing the name by adding a heart to the end. “So, what’s the rest of our day look like?”

Present day Christmas Eve

“Y/n.”

Your relationship with Jihoon now was hard to put into words. You were no longer classmates, and now you even wonder if you are even classified as friends. Your history was everything but nothing all at once. If you had a gun pointed at your head, your brain wouldn’t process the answer fast enough to save yourself. Just exactly what were you to each other? Better yet, what were you to him.”

“What’s up?”

He could hear your signature chipper on the other line, somehow weirdly nostalgic. “You called me.”

“I know, but it’s Christmas Eve, what are you doing?”

“Mmh, just, around.”

You scratch your head at his vague answer. Jihoon was indeed a man of few words but not that few. “You’re alone, aren’t you?”

Jihoon may have forgotten about the holidays coming around the corner and made no plans, but that was easy being the workaholic he was. He clears his throat, lingering in the awkward silence he’s put upon himself, “…Well—“

You shake your head at him as if he could see you, “Oh god, you are. I’m coming over.”

He could hear you rustling in the background, eyes rapidly blinking at his realization. “W-w-why?”

“Well, because.” You answer, the rattle of your keys heard through the phone.

He blinks, awaiting for other words to follow only for them to never do. “Because?”

“Yeah. Because.” You bite your lips, hoping he doesn’t hear how hard you’re smiling. 

“…Don’t you have plans?”

You hum, breaking out into that smile you tried suppressing. “I do. With you.”

Last year of college

“No.”

“Why the hell not?”

Jihoon was open about being a hermit. He didn’t make an effort to go to places like parties, clubs, or even school events. Not that he didn’t get invited, because he had plenty of invites, trust him. He just thought it was a desperate attempt for most people to do the inevitable: get drunk, get laid, or get embarrassed. 

“I don’t like parties.”

“But I’ll be there.” You tug his arm, pleading with him with your eyes.

He pulls himself away from your grasp. “More than enough reason not to go.”

“You love me don’t lie. I’m the light of your life.”

The unamused look on his face told you otherwise but despite the protests, you convince him somehow to come through. Never in this lifetime did he think someone could persuade him to willingly go to a frat party and now here he was with his peers, who were all drunk and out of their minds, including you.

You had plenty of drink, quickly becoming one with the music and atmosphere that almost worried the introvert. If you weren’t careful and he hadn’t been around, who knows what would’ve happened? Even if you had been annoying, you became tolerable, he desire no ill will disposed on you.

You cling to him harsher than you usually do, which he let happen. The stench of cheap beer and wine coolers staining your clothes and breath. Jihoon knew who could’ve been in a better situation, but at this moment it could’ve been worse. If not for you, there’d be more people coming up to him that he could help without pestering him to drink, play beer pong, or something of the equivalent. You were more than the perfect excuse to do no more socializing than necessary. So as far as he knew it, tonight should’ve been just fine.

“Jihoon…Jihoon…” You play chopsticks on his shoulders, imagining them as a big piano.

“What?” He answers, nudging you off him.

You drape your limp arms over him. Your hot breath tickles his cheeks, which on grew pinker from the body heat. “I’m like, super, fucked…”

Of course, the downside of all this was you were drunk enough on behalf of everyone else attending this party combined.

He rolls his eyes knowingly, a taut grin on his face as he tried helping you from falling over in your seat. “I know. I was there when you almost drank yourself to death.”

“But, but…I have a secret…shhhh, don’t tell anyone.”

He shrugs his shoulders, mindlessly tending and listening to the ramblings of a drunk college student. “Who would I tell?”

You stabilize yourself against him, cupping a hand to his ear. “To be honest…I like you a lot…”

He softly scoffs in disbelief. He pushes away sweaty strands of your hair away from your forehead before flicking it lightly, tossing you back with a giggle leaving your lips. “I see…Well, that’s a shame. I tolerate you.”

You pout childishly, latching to his bicep helplessly, “That’s okay...”

He pinches his nose, “…You reek of alcohol.”

“I should reek of you.” 

“That made absolutely no sense.” He says, playing dumb.

“It means…I want to kiss you.”

He didn’t like how that affected him. Even with his sobriety, he could feel how his heart’s pace match yours without delay. This awe-stricken gaze in your eyes he couldn’t comprehend paired with the sweet image of your puckered lips aiming towards his face. Why was he even a little bit tempted? 

His palm falls flat against your lips, protecting you, and maybe even himself, from a mistake waiting to happen. “…You’re drunk…You’ll forget all this next morning.”

And that’s what happened. After that night, you puked your guts out, holding on to the toilet bowl for dear life, and were knocked out soon after with the aid of Jihoon and your dormmates. You don’t remember a wink of that night, waking up the next day with a headache and Tylenol with water by your bedside. You don’t remember your drunk confession, or the way you openly threw yourself at him, nor the look in his eyes when you admitted it. 

Jihoon, however, remembered everything. It haunted him. He feared it happening ever again. He couldn’t like you and you weren’t supposed to like him. It was better off this way. Right?

Present day Christmas Eve

Although a lot of things changed, a lot still didn't. Jihoon still didn’t drink, but he had to have been drunk if you were actually standing in the middle of his apartment right now with a grocery Christmas ham and a carton of eggnog (the worst possible combination by the way). Your all too familiar smile woke up the pit of his stomach that was vacant when he last saw you. It brought back that same fear again. A part of himself wanted to close the door on you but every other fiber in being was resilient against it. 

So now here you were, heading to his kitchen, placing the eggnog in his fridge, and taking out the grocery ham from its packaging. “I’d have more food, but I was in charge of the ham and eggnog this year. The turkey’s less popular cousin and the season’s choice of drink: dairy…I obviously got the shorter straw. Ha-ha mom and dad.”

His eyes just curiously followed your every move, wondering what made you decide to be here of all places after all this time. You raid his cabinets like it's your own home, taking out a small sum of food he had, thinking to yourself that you could probably conjure up something appetizing. Otherwise, it was gonna be coke zero for dinner, which didn’t sound too bad at this point. “Thank god you have more than ramen in here. I was worried I was gonna have to throw you an intervention after visiting.”

“What are you doing here, Y/n?” He finally asks.

You look up from your busy hand and meet his eyes, still unreadable and solemn. “I’m celebrating Christmas with you.”

“Why?”

“Why not–Oh my god, you have a tree.” You approach his barely hanging tree that was only a foot taller than its owner. “This is…cute. Questionable how it’s still standing, but cute.”

He raises a brow, “Now, you’re insulting my tree?”

“I said it's cute, didn't I?”

Jihoon felt his lips twitch in an almost smile. “You’re annoying as always.”

“Nice seeing you too Jihoon.”

Last year in December 

“Funny. I thought you two would be going out by now, not, what’s his face, Wonwoo.”

You were often seen around the guy, chatting, laughing, and sympathizing. Wonwoo was part of your Latin History lecture and he knew how to keep you entertained. Rumor had it that you were seen spending more than platonic time together. It was almost the amount of time you were used to spending with Jihoon, if not more.

“Yeah, well. Up to them.”

Soonyoung looked back at his roommate with concern. Despite Jihoon having not said a word, His feelings for you were blossoming before Soonyoungs eyes and he finds his roommates wandering your presence. He felt the shorter man open up more because of you and maybe he could find his own happiness someday. 

It was all until Wonwoo came into the picture. Tall, handsome, and sensitive. Untouchable, compare to Jihoon. 

“He’s not even all that …okay, that’s a lie. I’m huffing copium right now, he’s gorgeous,” he admits as he scrolls through the spoken man’s instagram.

“What’s your point, Soonyoung?”

Jihoon lacked life in his eyes and if it was possible, Soonyoung could’ve heard his own heart shatter at the sight.

“Just..hang in there, buddy.” The blonde pats his peer on the back, and his ineffective reassurance goes unnoticed.

Whatever the hyperactive roommate meant was none of Jihoon’s concern. He was busy ignoring the erupting feelings he had for you. To make the matter worse, he had to deal with the fact that he perhaps lost the many chances to act on his feelings. For all he knew, Wonwoo could’ve been the real deal.

But then again, that wasn’t any of his business.

“Hey stranger,” You sit beside him in a place you were both familiar with. 

He smells the whiff of hot cocoa with a hit of peppermint emitting from your cup. It was your usual. You placed it next to his toffee latte, sweeter than what he’s used to, but free of charge thanks to Seokmin who oozed desire for validation. He convinced himself that it was the caffeine making his heart twitch. “Hey.”

“Excited for winter break?”

“That’s…a word to describe it for someone.” He veers back to his laptop, pretending to work.

“What no plans again?” You pester with a playful smile, leisurely sipping.

Jihoon simply shrugs. “No.”

This was your favorite time of year and you believed everyone deserved to have a good time on this specific occasion. Every year, you spent it with family, presents, and dinner, just cherishing everything you had to be grateful for. It was contrary to Jihoon who had spent alone every year since college. His family was thousands of miles away from him and a ticket to reach them would've cost a leg and an arm. This was a lonely season for him.

“How about spending the holiday with me and my family this year?”

He pauses his movement to look up at you, your smile lets his infatuation for you fester like a disease, grinning cheek to cheek in that cute way it does which was indescribably delightful. He could feel his heart swell, the sweat on his forehead pour, and the unsettlement of his legs shake. It was only some time ago he came to terms with his feelings but the truth of the matter was he was never good with feelings. They were too intense for him to understand and he knew that only meant immense disappointment in the end. He wasn’t willing to take that chance.

“I think you should be with Wonwoo.” He returns back to his screen, typing the same word over and over again, “Good reason to check out the lights they put out in town.”

You scoff, your heart swelling for an entirely different reason. “Do you really mean that? You really rather I spend Christmas with Wonwoo than with you?”

There was this look in your eye and sternness in your tone. He had never heard something like that come out of you before, but he couldn’t help it. Self-sabotage came out naturally at this point. You being hurt was only momentarily, he reassures himself. He was doing the both of you a favor.

“Yeah. I think that’s the best use of your time.”

“…Fine.”

You pick yourself up to leave, tears brimming your eyes before finally walking towards the exit where the windchimes followed.  The cold winter air hit you like a slap in the face, quickly drying the hot tears that came running down your cheeks. 

This was it for you. You were done trying. For good this time.

Present day, Christmas Eve 

When you insisted on helping him fix up his tree, you noticed how pretty looked under the Christmas fluorescent lights. He never realized that until now. Probably because he never had the chance. 

Your attention to detail was admittedly admirable. He was glad that part of you hadn’t changed. 

“I thought about this probably a thousand times, you know.”

“What?” Jihoon entertains.

You step down from the stepping stool to put it away after you gave the tree some finishing touches. Thank god for the popcorn in his pantry. “Spending Christmas with you. It was really hard to come here. And I'm not talking about several feet of snow I had to plow through to get here.” 

“Why would you do that for me?”

You scoff, finding it ridiculous how easily he ignores the obvious. “I don’t know. Because you’re my friend. You deserve a nice Christmas. I like doing things out of the good of my heart. Like I was gonna leave you alone? Again?”

“What about you? Didn’t you have anyone to celebrate with?”

You roll your eyes. “Not the point.”

“Seems like the major point.” He retorts, almost sounding amused.

You sigh, walking towards him, “Yeah, everyone else canceled on me, but I’m glad that out of everyone you were available.”

“So I was last choice?”

You furrow your brows. “No, god, could you drop it? ”

“Just why spend Christmas here then?”

“Because I like you!” You shake your body furiously as you threw a tantrum, close to pulling your hair out from the roots. “God, knows why? You’re cold, mean, and distant. You couldn’t be more disinterested and it’s infuriating.”

“Why like me then?”

You body goes limp, clenching your fist helplessly, “I don’t know. Sometimes you were nice to me. It felt nice. And I hope that maybe…that meant something. Then you’d go ignore me like I did something wrong…I never had to work for it before.”

You felt your head spinning in circles. You were too old for this shit. You weakly falling to your knees, Jihoon quickly following to meet your level. “H-hey–”

“I thought if I approached you enough maybe you’d like me back. No matter how hard I tried, you wouldn’t do anything! God, was I naive and stupid. I should’ve never had co—“

Jihoon leans forward and kisses you square center on your lips, stealing your words and breath away. The pressure of his plush cushion makes your frustration dissipate; his hand takes the side of your head, stroking you tenderly. He parts from you when he feels your body calm down, looking back into your eyes glistening in the tears you didn’t realize you had shed.

“Maybe they worked…so your methods weren’t all terrible.”

You were the quiet one for once. His rare smile perks up his face, eyes filled with love and sincerity. You gaze at him as he hugs your cheek with his hands and wipes your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. He embraces your shaking body, soothing your back with the cool palm of his hand.

“...You’re such an asshole.”

“I know. I’m sorr—”

You tug on his sweater to reclaim him, melting into his sweet warmth, finally. You were over the moon. It only took you roughly five years. You finally had him where you wanted and now you were never willing to let him go. Five years all worth the wait.

Present day, New Year’s Eve

“Mmh, hmm…”

“Are you sure you’re getting this all down?”

“P-positive.”

Jihoon chuckles at your disposal. The vibrations of his soft laughter vibrate through your core and are quickly followed by the harsh stripe guided by his tongue. His arms underneath and around your thighs had your legs pressed against his cheeks, thumb teasing the shape of your clit before he’s pinching it as he engorges on your warmth. You hold the phone away from you briefly to whisper a ‘good god,’ and return to the conversation at hand.

“And you’re making sure Jihoon’s going. How did you manage that?”

“Oh,” you chuckle nervously, “just some, mmh, convincing.”

“Knew you could do it. He always did have a soft spot for you. Well, let me know what exactly you do also because I’ve been trying to get him to DJ my wedding all year—“

“Oh…right,” you bit your lips when you feel Jihoon’s tongue fuck inside you, tasting your insides and spreading you open. 

His grunts were soft but coherent, exhibiting the satisfaction he was tasting inside you, sucking against your folds, dribbling his spit and your moisture all over his chin and neck. He can’t help but dig deeper, getting his nose in the action. He practically loses all his senses at this point, but he didn’t care; not that he couldn’t breathe, or how his heart pounded, or that you were on the phone with someone. You were worth the wait.

“Anyways, when are you coming?”

“Oh…soon…” You slur, hardly listening to a word.

Jihoon snickers.

“Great, because I know I said seven but since you’re bringing—“

Jihoon snatches the phone from you and puts the phone mic next to his swollen lips, “We’ll get there when we get there, Seungkwan.”

“Wait, Jihoon? You were with—wait are y’all l—YOU NAST—“

Jihoon hangs up before the younger man can finish, tossing the phone randomly somewhere on the bed, and is finally able to let you finish.

“B-baby…he definitely knows now…” you whine.

“Fuck, if I care. Just focus on me, hmm, you taste so fucking good.”

He brings your legs up to leverage you in the air. On his knees and your legs on either of his shoulders, he devours you ambitiously, fingers fucking your knuckles deep in until he feels you shake an earthquake. You shout his name without remorse, begging for more.

“I’m really about to cum, Jihoon. Please, can I?”

Your voice laced with honey, you look up at him with tears in your eyes, sweat beading down your forehead, Jihoon couldn't help but let you do whatever you want with him. “...In my mouth.”

He latched himself on you, tongue fucking your insides as he ran his fingers rampage along with it. Your hips twitch in his embrace until you're practically thrashing in bed, clutching pillows, throwing them aside, lacking almost all control of your limbs. When he comes back up to the surface for air, he’s wiping the mess on his face with the back of his hand.

“You’re a mess,” You laugh, heaving your chest.

“Speak for yourself.”

You snicker only to quickly be brought back to reality. “We do need to get those groceries though. Seungkwan needs them.”

He raises a brow at you, readjusting his legs to pin you by your wrist, that smile to first appear a few days ago not seeming to waver in the slightest. “Sounds like I haven’t tire you out enough.”

“Baby—“

“I have more work to do.”

Giggling, you feel him embracing your sweaty form beneath him, peppering kisses all over you neck and cheeks until the finally reach your lips, chasteful compared to the event just few moments ago. You smile against his kiss, “I guess we still have some time?”

He strokes your hair, kissing your forehead. “Of course, to make up for the times when we didn’t.”

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Timeless Lullaby (Dad Squad)

(@smilesrobotlover @skyward-floored @telemna-hyelle @nancyheart11)

Despite the initial confusion and embarrassment at the start of their visit to this village, the trio of men had managed to obtain both valuable information and supplies. Abel had stocked up on weapons and food while Rusl had obtained information. Fierce had been wandering the village seemingly aimlessly, piquing the Ordonian's curiosity, but he didn't pester him over the matter. Every other time the deity emerged from an alley or shop a child would be following him, giggling and running around or asking questions.

After just two days, Abel had grown far too restless to remain, and Rusl had to agree with the man's anxieties - they couldn't afford to linger too long. Their boys were still missing.

As they exited the village, Rusl saw the Fierce Deity turning an item over in his hands. "Did you find something useful in the village?"

Fierce gazed at the item a moment longer. It was very small in his hands, oval shaped with what seemed to be some kind of mouth piece and holes carved into it. An instrument, then, Rusl surmised, though he wasn't familiar with it.

"An ocarina," Fierce explained. "My little hero has one. It is not this particular one - his is filled with magic. But it caught my eye nonetheless."

Rusl and Abel exchanged a look, the usually hardened knight softening his expression as he watched the deity walk ahead.

"Does he like to play it?" Abel asked.

"It has special enchantments to it," Fierce answered, his fingers brushing over the instrument. "There are certain songs he plays to accomplish tasks. But in his free time, he does like to play other tunes on it, though he is frightened of what might happen. I believe he often whistles instead if he is scared the instrument might do something."

Rusl furrowed his brow. "Why is he scared? What does his ocarina do with its magic?"

"He can manipulate things with it," the deity explained. "Matter, location, weather, time... they all bend to its notes. But only with certain songs. I think he is beginning to figure out it is an innocent instrument with regular tunes. I am glad for it. He likes to play."

This instrument certainly sounded powerful. Rusl marveled at the thought of it, but his attention was quickly diverted when a few bokoblins caught his eye.

A brief skirmish followed, with very little to show for it. There had barely been enough bokoblins for all the men to even fight. Fierce had eliminated three in one fell swoop, leaving just one straggler that Rusl picked off with his bow and arrow. Abel had huffed out a laugh, muttering something about wishing the deity had been around before, whatever before must have been. Rusl could only guess it was the war that had caused this mess.

As they set up camp, Abel made a quick meal for the group to eat, which they did in silence. Rusl stared up at the sky, lost in thought about his boy and wondering how he was doing. This wasn't... quite as terrifying as when the village children had all gone missing, but he still worried for Link. He didn't know what those red soldiers wanted, who they were, anything, really. Being trapped in a foreign Hyrule didn't make the matter much easier.

Still. At least he had companions.

The silence of the night was broken with gentle, mellow notes filling the air. Rusl turned to look beside him, where Fierce had started to play softly on the ocarina. He was surprised at how gently the mythical being played, what with his large stature and immense energy and power. The melody was simultaneously haunting and soothing, and somehow strangely familiar.

Rusl wasn't the most musically inclined, but he swore he'd heard this piece before. The tune played over and over in different gentle variations, embellishments highlighting certain parts before it slid back into the main melody. The deity didn't tire of playing, and Rusl didn't dare interrupt. The longer Fierce played, the more Rusl relaxed, a smile playing at his lips as he laid back against his travel pack. Between the crackling of the fire and the soothing melody, Rusl started to nod off before he had a chance to really ask anything, but in his mind he could hear the tune repeated in a different voice, breathy and quiet and deep, interrupted with little inhales in the nose, accompanied by the crickets of the forest at night.

Link. Link had hummed this tune before. He'd learned it on his adventure.

Rusl's smile lingered as he finally fell asleep, thinking of his boy.

Across the camp, Abel sat beneath a tree, a silent princess twirling aimlessly between his fingers. He stared off at nothing, the tune playing gently in his mind and heart, though he knew little of it. At first it had startled him and irked him - he hadn't wanted to attract nighttime beasts with noise. Nevertheless, given who was playing it, he wasn't likely to win the argument, nor did he really care to. If the deity wished to be reminded of his boy, he wasn't going to stop him. It wasn't as if any monster could be a threat to him.

The silent princess lost a petal as Abel rolled it roughly in his hand. His heart felt empty. He felt exhausted. The melody continued, and Abel sighed, leaning his head against the tree he sat under. Eventually, the silent princess stopped twirling aimlessly under anxious hands, glowing gently in the moonlight as Abel started to settle into an uneasy sleep.

The Song of Time continued to float in the air, heralding a bygone era, calling to heroes who were too far gone to hear. Eventually, the fierce deity stopped, glancing at his companions as they rested. Sighing, the deity rose to cover each man with a blanket, tucking a stray strand of Abel's hair behind his ear. Then the deity glanced up at the sky.

What a bizarre situation to be in, he thought to himself. He'd never been outside the mask for so long. He could hardly remember having time to spend with anyone. Were it not for the circumstances, he would be grateful for it. Instead, the ocarina felt cold in his hands, lifeless, like an empty reminder of who he should be with.

His hand brushed the scarf tied around his waist. At least one of his heroes was safe.

Slowly, the deity pulled the ocarina back to his lips and started to play once more.

[occasionallyprosie]

Frayed Edges

AO3 Link

The battle’s over. The Shadow is defeated and the Triforce of Power retrieved… so why is the chain still here? Why haven’t they gone home? It’s not like the Shadow has been the one that’s been making the portals the whole time… it’s not like they’re in an unknown Hyrule with no way home.

Aka, Legend fights depression/anger issues except it’s not his own depression and anger issues it’s literally everyone else’s until he’s pushed to doing the nuclear option. Sky (kinda) hugs him tho :)

TW: implied suicidal ideation

——————————————

It was over.

Sighs of relief echoed around the room as the Shadow was finally defeated, as the source of the portals and the monsters it displaced and empowered was finally defeated.

Legend picked up the little triangle off the ground. He sighed softly, clasping his hand around the Triforce of Power and feeling its energy course through him.

"We should put that where it belongs," Sky said.

"Where?" Wild asked, the question clearly made out of curiosity than anything as he sipped a potion. A cut on his cheek healed over. "That thing feels powerful."

"It's a piece of the Triforce," Hyrule said. "I think Legend can hold onto it until we find out where it's held in this era."

"Then we go home!" Wind cheered.

Twilight laughed. "Yeah, then we go home, sailor. So let's make the best of this one last quest."

Legend let the Triforce of Power fade into his skin, the mark on the back of his left hand emblazoned, the top triangle filling in just like the bottom right one.

"Let's find out which era the Shadow was from," Time ordered and they made to exit the dungeon.

Upon investigation, they learned there was no way to access the sacred realm from this time, none of the methods they knew would work nor did the locations where they usually traveled over existed. The Triforce of Courage turned out to be wielded by a little boy no older than three, the mark on his hand having no more meaning than any other birthmark. The Triforce of Wisdom was the same. There was no kingdom, no Hyrule, nothing.

"It's like they're only wielded," Sky said when they went back to the fairly large, abandoned cabin they'd been making good use of. "Which means there's no place to put it back."

"We can't take it back to any of our eras, that's just an awful idea," Warriors agreed. Wind and Twilight both grimaced while Hyrule looked horrified.

"Like that hairstyle you decided on this morning," Legend muttered and Four snorted, Wind giggled softly too. Twilight even rolled his eyes and the tension was successfully cut as Warriors squawked and argued that Legend knew full well that he hadn't had time to fix his hair that morning.

He realized they didn't know.

Legend watched them all slowly come to the realization even as he and Four and Hyrule forged and enchanted a box to hide the Triforce away.

Even once they put it deep in a cave and used a lot of their assorted items and magic to bury it far out of reach, to place traps to keep it impossible to take, and buried it. That way, whenever the next Champion of Din was born, it would go to them and there would be an empty, magically defended, unbreakable box, but until then, the Triforce of Power would be safe and inaccessible.

Once that was done, he saw the expectation, then they all slowly came to the realization.

They had no way back. None of them did. The shadow had brought them here and the Golden Goddesses had left centuries ago while Hylia died, for the second time, whenever Sun died or will die.

Legend sat on the beam in the ceiling of their new abode, the cabin managing to house them well enough especially after Twilight and Time took Wild to repair most of it.

He watched the realization hit Hyrule and in the near same moment it was hitting Twilight.

Twilight was the one to voice it.

"Oh Ordona," he whispered. "We cain't go back, can we?"

"What?" Wild looked up from the cooking pot he'd set up inside the cabin. "What do you mean?"

"The Shadow made the portals," Hyrule breathed, he looked up at Legend. "We don't have a way back."

Legend met his eyes before he looked away and nodded silently.

"You've known," Hyrule realized too.

"Not the only one,” he said, and glanced at Time.

Time had been silent for a while now, but he nodded when the attention was on him, fidgeting with a blue ocarina.

Finally, the realization settled in on all of them. The understanding that they were stuck visibly hit them.

Sky was in denial, Legend noted. The knight insisted they try and find a way to put the Triforce of Power into the sacred realm. Wild was mostly with him, but both did a lot of prayer to the goddesses to give them a portal.

Warriors and Twilight, however, were in anger. Both snapped at everyone, got mad at Sky and Wild for (being in denial) praying and at Time and Four for trying to find a way to fix things. Twilight usually got his anger out through Time making him help with building up the cabin, where Warriors would end up sparring with someone, usually Legend.

Four and Time were in bargaining, searching everywhere for other options, Time even going as far as enlisting Four with his Ocarina of Time to see if they could use the divine, temporal magic in it to create something that got them back home.

Hyrule and Wind were at depression, when Wind realized there was no way back he left the cabin and Legend followed him to find their youngest in tears, sobbing for his grandmother, his sister, and his best friend whom he'd never see again. Hyrule was much of the same, he'd been the only one though who'd gone through the other stages, he'd insisted otherwise at first, begged the goddesses to give them a way home, snapped angrily at everyone for every little thing, then he was just breaking down and stayed in this depressive state as he mourned his home.

Legend noticed he was the only one at acceptance. He was the only one who seemed to realize that bad things happened and there was nothing they could do to stop that, only improve the end result or aftermath.

He started to help around the cabin even as his wanderlust—and everyone else's—began to grow. He started with the cabin itself, he kept Warriors and Twilight busy with chopping wood and helping him put things up, walls and roofing. He pulled Hyrule and Wind into helping with as much as he could, giving them things to do to keep them from sitting in their grief all day. The other four were stubborn that they wouldn't need the cabin much longer and they'd be home sometime soon, but Legend managed to convince them that having a base that allowed them safety and a bit of comfort while they were in an unknown land was the best option.

He held onto the strings of the fraying group and pulled them back together. Dynamics shifted rapidly, Wild and Twilight constantly at ends as Wild shifted from denial to bargaining, still constantly praying but now helping Four and Time. Time and Warriors got into fights as Time grew closer and closer to depression as he seemed to slowly approach the understanding he wasn't getting back to his wife. Hyrule and Wind both becoming recluses and avoiding everyone else. Four shifting from bargaining to anger and depression at the same time, snapping at everyone and crying himself to sleep.

Legend got Four to help him plan a forge and Twilight and Warriors—who both accepted their roles as the heavy lifters—helped them build it. Four agreed to make hinges and nails which Wild supplied the metal for.

He showed Wild how to cut and sand wooden boards and they worked on a kitchen. Twilight was leaving anger as he got the two to work together on that.

He took Hyrule and Wind to help find animals and coax bees into beginning a new hive in an apiary that Legend had spent a while making out of thatch and wood. They made pens for the wild hogs they'd tracked down and caught, Wind somehow being a naturally with them and Hyrule able to keep them somewhat calm with his fairy magic as they worked to domesticate them.

"You're turning this into a permanent residence, vet," Sky said once while Legend enlisted him to come with him to a somewhat distant but nearby village for more supplies.

"So?" Legend didn't deny that.

"We'll go home," Sky said, "those animals will be left alone soon enough."

"I'll make sure they're free to roam again before we leave," Legend promised. "But until then... Rulie and the Sailor need something to focus on, they both love animals and those are a lot of work. Smithy needs a forge to stay present so we got him a forge. Rancher and Wars both have a lot of things to work out so we're working on it."

"I guess," Sky sighed. "I don't see the point. We'll leave soon."

Legend decided not to mention that they'd been here for a year now and Sky had been saying that the whole time.

"Well, we'll want some sheep or maybe goats, Twi would like goats and they have wool... and milk, goats will do well in the area too. We've knocked down a bunch of trees so there is room," Legend mused. "I wonder if I could grow some apple trees while we're here. I know wild animals adore those so it may help with balancing out all the lumber we've cut down."

"I guess that wouldn't be a bad idea," Sky sighed. "We have cut down a lot of trees, so I suppose giving the native animals something to eat wouldn't be a bad idea. Are you aiming for self sufficiency?"

Legend just hummed and shrugged. He was aiming for his brothers not falling apart, but self sufficiency worked.

He noted to get cuccos too sometime soon, Sky would enjoy those. He'd have to figure out how to handle Time...

Two years into their 'brief stay' in the between era, Legend watched them continue to fall apart despite his best efforts.

They had things to do, things to bond over, he'd send Wars, Wind, and Hyrule to help Four in the forge most days as Four refused mostly to leave. The former three were still in anger and depression respectively. Four was more in depression than bargaining now.

Yet they were fraying. Time snapped at everyone, especially Legend, Wind, and Twilight, then Twilight and Warriors were at each other's backs but were constantly at odds with one another, Wild avoided everyone as did Four, and both were beginning to snap at them all. Sky too, he lost the soft, dreamy-eyed look, and was constantly angry at everyone.

Legend tried giving them days to themselves, days with the few they didn't snap at, but nothing worked. He sent Wild and Hyrule, the only pairing that held true even after everything went bad, on excursions to the woods, asking them to be back within the week, to be careful, and 'get a lay of the land'. He had Wind and Time paired off, the former usually able to coax the latter out of any funk, but Wind only seemed to get more depressive and Time more angry that Legend quickly ended that attempt.

He got bounties from the town and would send Sky or Warriors out on them, often Four as well. They seemed a bit better afterwards, between themselves at least, then whatever camaraderie formed during their time out quickly dissolved.

Wind was doing better, when Legend kept him and Time separated. He enjoyed the hogs that were becoming far more domesticated each day, he taught himself how to handle the goats when Twilight began to avoid them and Legend blamed himself for not realizing that the reminder of home could've been a bad idea for some. Sky enjoyed the cuccos but Twilight hated the goats. Wind was good with the goats, he cared for the two they had, came with Legend to the town and asked another farmer how to shear goat wool and purchased shears to do so. That winter, he did exactly that and Legend took the time to sit him down and show him how to turn that fur into fabric.

Time was doing the worst, constantly snapping at people, tearing them down. He knew the truth, Legend was fairly sure, and that just made it worse. It was the worst whenever he was near Twilight, or Wind or Legend, and Legend was certain it was because he had noticed the similarities between the three of them and someone he knew of his own time, they were his successors after all. Twilight to Malon, Legend would guess his was Zelda, Lullaby, though he wasn't sure at all. He had no idea for Wind. Either way, Time got worse when around them and likewise Twilight and Wind began to get worse when around Time.

Legend didn't know how to fix this. Their team had frayed and he didn't know how to keep them together.

No matter how many blankets he wrapped around crying teens, no matter how many soft or even harsh words he offered, no matter how many blades he sharpened, spars he fought, advice he gave, jobs he assigned, nothing worked.

It was when he sent Sky on a bounty with Warriors and Hyrule that he figured it out.

They came back, and as usual with the few who went on the bounties —Twilight refused to go on any, Time was the same, and Legend wasn't risking sending Wind or Wild to go kill a person— they were closer.

Legend hid in the trees, purple eyes glinting red in the darkness of the shadows, and he heard them tease and laugh as they came up the now well-worn path.

Within three days that dissolved, back at each other's throats and not in a familial way.

Legend finishing weaving a new blanket and embroidering a border on it, a pastime he'd picked up last winter when Wind sheared the goats and had kept since, making sure their fairly large cabin was stocked with warm blankets as winters here got as cold as the champion's Hebra blizzards.

"They need something to stand against," he murmured to the Golden Sword on the hook by the door. She was long gone, but he still talked to her. A habit born from anxiety.

He was bordering the blanket with white waves and seashells, putting secret little telescopes with not-so-secret seagulls. It was for Wind, who'd helped him dye the fabric his apparent favorite shade of blue.

"Zelda mentioned it once," he muttered. "When people don't have something to rally against, they turn on each other, for some of the stupidest reasons too."

He glanced up as he heard Four yelling at Wild over goddesses knew what. He should go break that up.

He put the thread and blanket down and went over to break up another fight.

Goddesses, he was tired of his brothers fighting.

Sky shared a room with Time and Four. Legend had initially intended to put Wind and Warriors with Time but that wasn't an option after Time became volatile toward all three of his successors and Warriors became volatile in general.

Twilight and Wild weren't able to be paired either anymore, so Wild was with Hyrule and Warriors and Legend put himself with Twilight and Wind.

He'd tried an intervention. A meeting with everyone and he laid out what he was seeing—only to be immediately talked over and for yelling and arguing to break out. He had to physically separate Warriors and Sky, again, and force Time to leave Wind alone, as the kid had dared to be optimistic around the others and Time hadn't let that fly for a moment.

It wasn't working.

Legend sat in the window, Wind and Twilight dead asleep inside and the world awake outside. Stars gleaming and the moon shining.

He had a chance here. Something that could work.

Wind felt confused.

He started to understand and accept that, yeah, they weren't going back home, that he'd never see Aryll or Grandma again. He could accept that.

He had to. It's not like they could go back. Time and Four had tried to find a way back home, Sky and Wild had spent weeks praying for the goddesses to give them a way home, they'd tried.

And failed. Nine heroes and they'd failed.

Wind knew Legend was what they had left keeping them together. He knew the others had grown distant, dangerous even as time went on. He knew, when Legend had asked him to be in charge of handling the hogs and later telling him he did a great job of stepping up and taking care of the goats when Twilight didn't, that Legend was trying to keep everyone together. He had, albeit with Twilight's and Warriors's help, turned the run down, abandoned, wooden shack they'd taken to using as shelter into an actual home! When he'd always told them that it was a life on the road for him at that.

So yeah, Wind was confused when the status quo suddenly shifted.

When nobody stopped the fighting that broke out, when nobody left to take care of some bounty for a week or two, when he realized how badly their relationships had gotten in the past two and a half years. The Captain was a face he hardly could find safety in anymore, Time was harmful to be near and he had to purposely avoid the older hero 'less he finds himself in a one sided insult battle that matched the sincerity of the Veteran's and the Captain's earliest matches. Sky used to be a safe space but now he was distant at best, volatile at worst, and occasionally—only when he'd come back from those bounty hunts—his old self.

Wind missed his brothers, but when Legend outright disappeared he freaked out just a bit. That was his last lifeline to safety, to stability.

"Hey Smithy?" Wind poked into the forge.

"Wgat?!" Four snapped, turning those vibrantly ever-changing eyes on him. They used to be a constant storm gray, occasionally flicking through another color or two when tensions or emotions were high, but not always shifting through rainbow like they did these days.

"Have you seen the Vet?" Wind asked, careful not to wince. He wasn't a kid anymore, he couldn't show that kind of weakness, especially not in front of the other heroes.

"Tch, no."

Four glared at the metal in front of him, another expertly crafted sword that would be taken to the town next excursion and sold just like the rest of the extra things they had.

His eyes briefly settled red. "He hasn't bothered me in a few days, finally." In a lowered mutter, a strained one too, he added, "Maybe he finally got the hint that we want to be alone."

Wind grimaced as he looked away. "Thanks anyway."

Four made some comment that Wind decidedly ignored as he left.

Hyrule was by the apiary, fairies had taken to being there too and Wind still remembered the day that they'd set up a little fountain of sugar water—which Hyrule replaced daily. The apiary area was filled with bees and fairies.

"Hey, Traveler? You seen the vet recently?"

Hyrule glanced up. He'd been so silent lately, basically ever since they'd been stuck here, he'd been quiet basically the whole time they'd been stuck here. Wind hated it.

"No," Hyrule admitted.

Wind hummed. He wasn't sure who to turn to when he was worried about someone... not when that someone was Legend. Warriors would snap, Hyrule was distant, Sky could be either, Time hated him for some reason, Twilight...

"You know where Twi is?"

"Not really... I think I saw him with the goats."

Wind raised an eyebrow at that. "What's he doing with my goats?" He muttered to himself as he left Hyrule alone to go to the goat pen.

Twilight was indeed in the goat pen, sitting there and trying to coax the goats to him as they eyed him oddly.

Wind sat on the fence and waited. It was almost sweet. Twilight had been quieter lately, the past couple months or two, he'd been quieter, less likely to snap.

The goats noticed Wind first and abandoned Twilight to run over to him. He laughed softly as he jumped down and pet the animals. Twilight watched and Wind made his way over to his roommate.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey, sailor," Twilight replied, eyes flicking up and down at Wind.

Wind crossed his arms, leaning over on one leg. "Whatcha doin' out here?"

Twilight shrugged. "Just... thinking, I guess."

"Smithy thinking or Traveler thinking?" Wind asked.

"Probably, the Traveler's," Twilight sighed heavily. "You remember the other day, when the vet snapped?"

Wind nodded. It was rather rememberable.

Legend had asked everyone to be inside for dinner that day, saying he wanted to talk to them. Then at dinner, he'd cut off every single argument before they started, prompted Hyrule to talk about the apiary, Wild about the surrounding area and his new hobby of cartography, he tried to get them to talk about nice things, things that made them happy. Then Warriors had snapped first.

"Why do you even bother?!" Time had demanded. "How can you act like this is nice? This is good? That it's all okay?!"

Legend had stared, his hands on the table and visibly still as he looked Time dead in the eyes. "Because someone has to."

And thus began a cut-off lecture from their veteran about how they were acting, how they were treating each other, how awful they'd become. That lecture was interrupted quickly by Time, with Warriors beginning some arguments, then Sky joined in, and soon Four as well. Everyone yelling over each other, Wind trying to intervene with some desperate optimism only to be verbally torn apart by his own childhood hero.

"Yeah," Wind said, back in the present. Twilight hummed. "Why?"

"Just thinkin'... when was the last time we actually just sat down and talked? We did it all the time before," before the end, before they were trapped, "at camp, in inns, on the road. We'd just talk, chat, we... we were close. Now... Now I can't remember the last time I was nice to the champion, to you, to anyone."

Wind thought about it.

Twilight kept going. "You're older too! I don't know—somehow I just—I was thinkin' back and then I saw ya an'... you're sixteen now, right?"

"Almost," Wind shrugged, not admitting he'd been counting to basically adulthood. Sixteen wasn't adult, but it was close enough he'd be taken as one. Especially with his height, scars, and how he was slowly losing the baby fat. "Fifteen, almost sixteen."

"Did we even celebrate?" Twilight sounded almost hysterical. "Yours? Or Cub's? Or even the Traveler's or Smithy's?!"

Wind shook his head. "No..." he admitted quietly. "No, we haven't celebrated anything since we got here. Not summer solstice—not winter solstice, birthdays, nothing."

"How..."

"Rancher," Twilight looked up when Wind prompted him, "I came here 'cause I was wonderin' if you'd seen the Vet lately. I 'aven't seen him in a day or two and neither's Rulie or the Smithy."

Twilight blinked, then concern —concern! Wind hadn't seen any of the other heroes look worried in years— flickered across his face.

"Really?" He asked. "He’s normally somewhere nearby, and's definitely always somewhere inside 'round dinner. Wa'n't he in the room last night?"

Wind shook his head. "No. He wasn't."

Then they heard someone running.

Hyrule all but slammed into the fence of the goat pen. "The Triforce!" He cried. "I-I can sense—It's been taken!"

Wind felt his blood go cold as a sense of dread slammed into him.

The table was chaos as the eight of them gathered inside. Hyrule was the most vocal he had been in months and Warriors arguing with him.

"We buried that thing miles underground! We left traps and—nobody could've gotten to it and the other wielders are still alive!"

"I'm telling you, I sensed it be taken! I am—I was the protector of the Triforce back in my era, I can sense it whenever it's not in someone and—That one's gone!"

"It's impossible! Nobody who didn't know exactly where it was could've found it—"

"What about someone who did?" Four spoke up, eyes distinctly darker, shimmering between midnight violet and deep-ocean blue. "I don't see the Vet here."

"As if!" Wind exclaimed. "He's the only sane person here!"

"Weren't you looking for him earlier?" Four retorted. "Isn't it weird that the moment the Triforce goes missing the guy's nowhere to be seen?"

"He's a hero!"

"Of what?! Nobody's hero's here! We're nobodies from nowhere doing nothing!"

They were interrupted by someone banging on the door. They all looked up but nobody moved.

Sky sighed and went to get the door.

"Oh thank the goddesses!" Wind recognized one of the villagers. It was the one who helped him learn how to shear goats. "There's some kind of mage attacking the town!"

The heroes shared a look.

"Show us," Time ordered.

There were a series of attacks, spanning across the whole of this Hyrule. People were able to escape for the most part, but there were burns and injuries everywhere.

Wind didn’t get it. It was like another adventure had begun, but neither the current hero of courage or wielder of wisdom were even called to fight. Wild and Hyrule had gone to check on them, both were happily living in the capital of this not-quite-a-kingdom, which hadn't even been attacked.

It seemed to be going for them.

Legend was still missing, and it freaked Wind out. Legend had been the main one to set the traps for the Triforce. He wondered if Legend had set some kind of spell that would alert him if someone came too close and had gone to handle it alone, and failed.

Twilight had stepped up. They were back in adventure gear and it surprised Wind how quickly things began to set back into... well, harmony. Twilight had asked Wind to give him and Wild a bit and so Wind spent half the night on the sofa, reading some book about... apples? He wasn't sure. It was one he'd seen Legend read a lot. Then Twilight and Wild were better. They found themselves fighting lots of armos and other magical golems, and battle had its way of working out problems within a team.

Warriors and Time made up, Time stopped snapping at Wind and Twilight, Four's eyes slowly stopped constantly changing color and settled back into that slate gray.

Wind figured out why.

"I think this is why we're still here," Sky whispered to him one night.

"The goddesses needed us to fix this new problem too, so they didn't send us home yet?" Wind guessed, looking up at the stars. He'd be rather close to Outset Island if he were in his Hyrule, based off the constellations above them.

"Yeah," Sky murmured softly. "I think so."

Hyrule had came back out of his shell as he began to worry and chastise everyone for their wounds again, him and Warriors falling back into their old place as medics.

Even Wind was feeling more like himself. He hadn't kept his skills sharpened and he'd grown considerably since he last fought, but Warriors had been more than happy to help and Wind found himself falling asleep with a blue scarf over his shoulders just like old times.

The only thing that was missing was their veteran, flames and ice accompanying a singing golden blade, rhythmic steps and quiet humming during and outside of battle. Sharp quips and retorts that lessened the tension.

They found a trail. It hadn't taken long, a couple months at most, before they discovered the golems and armos were coming from some ancient tower.

They made their way there, stopping forest fires, holding off hordes of magically-created monsters, and just getting closer again.

"You know," Wild said one night as they could see that temple in the distance, gleaming with powerful magic. "I... Don't make me be the one to say it."

"Say what?" Hyrule looked confused.

"The Veteran."

Hyrule suddenly looked away, not responding.

Wild sighed, his head dropped down as he settled his distant eyes on the fire in front of him. "Exactly."

"What do you mean?" Warriors asked, clearly a bit more calm than the months, years, before these outbreaks.

"The vet set half the traps that protected the Triforce," Four said, almost deadpan but the red that overtook his eyes briefly over the steel gray betrayed him. "I know I suggested he betrayed us before but— I think... he was always paranoid, so I wouldn't put it past him to set some kind of alarm. And for how we were all acting..."

Wind startled a bit. He hadn't expected anyone to acknowledge their change in mannerisms, yet here Four was…

"He may have gone to check it out alone, and..." Four trailed off weakly.

A haunting tune fell over the air, Wind went rigid while Hyrule shot up.

Everyone was dead silent. Not a sound passed as they listened to the haunting tune, their hands settled on blades.

"Oh, I went there alone," a completely unfamiliarly cold tone in an extremely familiar voice cut through the air.

The tune stopped. Everyone turned and stared at their missing hero.

"Vet!" Wind gaped. "Where—"

Hyrule stopped him. "Why do you have the Triforce of Power, Veteran?" He demanded.

Legend hummed, plucking the strings of some golden lute. The notes rang through the air, but no clear tune was being made anymore. "Because, Traveler. I wanted it."

"What." Time pulled Twilight back a bit as he stepped toward the front. "Why?"

Legend shot him a cold look. Wind hated that look in his eyes. "I was tired. I am tired. I thought I could handle it, I thought I could deal with my whole life being ended and uprooted again, but no. If the goddesses want to play like this, then let's play."

Wind hated how Legend's left hand glowed, only missing a single triangle before it was complete. He hated how his eyes seemed more golden than usual. He hated how the last person he thought he could find safety in suddenly radiated danger in a way even Time hadn’t the past two and a half years.

"You're behind all this?!" Sky tightened his grip on the Master Sword as he spoke. "You—You've been attacking all these people?!"

Legend shrugged. "They're just pawns in the goddess's game. Pawns can get upgraded, I'm eliminating future threats."

Wind wanted to throw up. Warriors was the first one to lunge, but Legend slipped away, a song fell over the air and Legend disappeared.

"What?!"

"He... He betrayed us."

"How could he?"

The final battle was horrible.

They had to stop him, Wind reminded himself. They marched their way up the temple and fought off the dozens of golems and armos that attacked them. They found Legend at the very top, playing that haunting tune again on a pink ocarina.

"Stop," Time ordered. "That's enough, Veteran. It's over."

The crystal-clear notes came to an end but Legend kept his back to them. "You know what I was told once, by the goddess's Oracle herself? I was told I'd be the greatest of all heroes, known for centuries to come, longer than any other. You know what lasts longer than gratitude? Than love?"

He turned and a dose of terror shot down Wind's spine as he saw the cold smirk playing on an emotionless face.

"Fear. Fear lasts generations beyond gratitude,” Legend hummed. A golden power curled around him visibly.

"How could you?!" Hyrule cried, stepping forward. "You're—You're a hero! The Legendary Hero! How can you—Just turn on everything you've done? How can you turn on us?!"

Legend scoffed. "Turn on you guys? It was easier than you'd think." He looked back at the sky. "I doubt you'd get it. Do you realize how hard it is to watch all of the few people you have left deteriorate? Watch them become shells of their former selves, angry at everything? At the world and its inhabitants? Watch them become horrible to interact with? Watch the ones who chose to become filled with anger completely destroy what the ones who became sad, depressive shells had left? DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWFUL YOU WERE TO EACH OTHER?!"

Wind flinched and he felt them all step back.

That cold front that Legend had completely melted and was replaced by a roaring, blazing heated anger. Near immediately as it came, it was cooling back by an avalanche of that cold front yet again.

"I'm doing this because I can, Traveler," Legend spat, blazing heat falling to a simmer and then a frigid chill. "I'm doing this because I want to."

"I don't understand," Wind whispered weakly, his voice strained and his voice choked.

"You wouldn't," Legend responded and Wind flinched at the underhanded jab. "None of you would. It doesn't matter though."

He put the ocarina away and drew a familiar golden sword, that golden magic coalesced to that sword and it gleamed.

"You won't be here long enough for it to matter."

Legend was the one who attacked first.

Warriors stepped forward to meet him.

Wind found himself having to fight his brother to restore peace to Hyrule.

Wind realized how powerful the older… former hero was as they fought. How he fought as if he were dancing to some tune none of them could hear, each movement to a beat but still unpredictable despite that consistency. Blades slammed and magic was everywhere, Wind helped where he could but only so many of them could engage at once and he ended up falling back and taking out his bow like Wild had.

Legend was winning. Somehow, he was winning against them all, Time was hanging from the edge of the tower and Twilight was the one keeping him from falling, audibly begging the older hero to hold on and not let go. Wind ran over to help just as Warriors was thrown into a broken pillar, and Wild had quickly moved to fill in the place that had fallen empty while Hyrule darted to Warriors's side.

Four was driven back and Sky staggered. Wild was thrown into Four and it was just Sky and Legend fighting.

Wind and Twilight got Time back onto the top of the tower as Sky and Legend dueled at a speed and with skill that none of them could intervene. Even arrows shot could hit Sky rather than Legend.

Golden light exploded off them and Wind covered his eyes.

He heard Sky cry out, a scream, and as soon as he could he looked.

Sky was hugging Legend, who had the Master Sword embedded in his chest. Blood trickled from the edge of his mouth.

“Why?!” Sky begged, cradling Legend against him. “You didn’t have to do this! You didn’t—Why did you do this? It never had to come to this, Vet.” Sky sobbed, hugging Legend even as the fallen hero slowly lost the color in his skin.

He laughed, Legend laughed softly and he smiled. He glanced at Wind and Twilight and Time, his eyes flicked over to Wild and Four helping each other up, to Warriors leaning on Hyrule.

"Don't... do it again," he slurred. "You... You're brothers... re... remember to act li'e it."

"What?" Sky questioned softly. They all gathered closer.

"It worked," Legend laughed again, a soft and relieved thing. "You... You worked together... you were nice... happy even... I knew... I knew it... it would work."

"What would work?" Sky asked frantically, he laid Legend down and their fallen brother's face contorted in pain at the movement at the sword being pulled from his chest.

Legend let out a shaky breath. Wind felt a few tears fall down his cheeks and then felt a pair eyes on him.

"Knew... that if... if you had something to... fight against... you wouldn't... fight each other. Peace... peace only... brings infighting." Legend smiled. He smiled softly at the sky above, dazed, slowly dulling eyes shifting from them to the sky. "Don't do it again."

Wind sobbed, his legs buckling. Hyrule dove forward, trying to heal Legend. He felt arms wrap around his shoulders, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to see whose they were.

"No! No, Vet— Don't—"

"You did all that to make us stop fighting?" Warriors breathed, sounding horrified. His voice came from right behind Wind’s head.

"No..." Twilight took a step back.

Legend grinned at them, blood in his teeth and a clear happiness in dimming eyes. "It worked... no more hidin' in the forge... or the apiary... n'more tearin' the rancher or sailor down... n'more fightin'... s'all I wan'ed. All I... wanted. Rule, it won' work. Fi don' heal easy."

"No!" Hyrule cried. "A potion! Please— Vet you can't just... You can't!"

"Mmm... tol' me that... 'hen I fough' Ganon... an' won. I'll do i' if I wan'."

Wind watched Legend fade, eyes settling distantly on the stars above, had it not been for seeing the light leave his eyes, Wind could’ve believed that Legend had just been stargazing.

Legend knew what he was doing when he sat by the window, when he realized what had to be done in order for them to... to come back to themselves.

In order for him to not have to keep an alert and a watch spell on the kitchen at all times, to have one on the forge itself. He knew what had to be done to stop his brothers from pushing each other to their limits.

He had to get them to rally against something. But nothing powerful enough would come anytime soon for them to face...

He glanced back at Wind and Twilight and their sleeping forms. He glanced back outside before he moved inside, grabbed his pouches and hat and sword from his bedside and then dropped out the window.

He didn't regret his decision even as he set a mostly evacuated town ablaze, curbing the flames from truly destroying everything or killing anyone, but doing plenty harm and damage.

He didn't regret his decision when he saw them fight his ever-growing army of golems and armos, watching each other's backs and protecting each other.

He didn't regret his decision when they sat around a campfire while trying to track down the cause of the situation (him), yet had laughed and teased. Though they grew somber at his absence, they were themselves.

Hyrule wasn't eyeing the rooftop.

Four wasn't giving a longing gaze at the forge fires.

Wild wasn't staring at the knife he used to prepare dinner before continuing cooking.

Warriors wasn't twitching his hand toward his sword whenever Sky spoke to him.

Time wasn't constantly degrading Twilight and Wind.

Sky wasn't always ready to fight one of them to the death.

Wind wasn't asking why they even bothered to live anymore.

They were themselves, a bit older, a bit more hurt and strained, but they were themselves for the first time in almost three years.

Legend didn't regret his decision even as he faced them at the top of some ancient tower, temple, that he'd taken over.

He didn't regret his decision as he fought them all off.

He especially didn't regret it as Sky buried Fi's blade through his chest.

He looked over them, how Sky’s eyes filled with tears, how Twilight pulled Wild to his chest and the slightly younger hero broke into sobs in his mentor’s hold, how Warriors pulled Wind slightly back from where he’d crumbled to the ground and buried his own face in his hair.

He regretted the pain he put them in, he knew that.

He did not regret the wake-up call this would hopefully be. He would sacrifice his life a thousand times over, his integrity, his reputation, everything.

He would give it all just to help them, for the chance, that they would at least try to be themselves.

[deathcapyandex]

The Mundane In Macabre - c3

[the mundane in macabre - chapter three]

Chapter one(link), chapter two(link)

Helicopters are a frequent sight over the town of night vale, various kinds exist, though who owns the majority of them is still rather unknown.

The blue belong to the secret police, that much is known, however...

I saw another yellow one today. These helicopter sightings have been increasingly more frequent.

I haven't been listening to the community radio, so I'm kind of behind on the news.

This one though, it dropped a bunch of fliers, missing kid posters, I think the girl on this one was one of the kids that went missing and returned from a summer program at the library, that was some event she came out of I hope she's alright.

Oh but that girl I mentioned before that came to the store and bought a plant? She came back, said the flowers really made a difference in the office but were too short lived.

I finally got her name too! Kiyomi. A pretty name. Just like her, pretty.

She didn't really buy anything this time but she did ask some questions about my store. The usual, nothing major. Just "how long have you had this place running?" "What do you do other than care for and sell plants" "how do you make the medicine?" "Is anything cursed?" "Do you have a dark magic practitioner on your staff?" And "why don't you sell xyz items?".

I'm actually the only person running the apothecary, but maybe I should look into hiring some help with the nursery. Kiyomis pretty smart I'm glad they asked me about that, or I never would have thought about it.

Shouldn't be too hard to find someone to at least help out with plant care, maybe a weekend intern or something.

Ah hold on.. I just turned on the radio, apparently that girl from the flyer, Tamika, is not missing, she's fine, that's good to hear. Things don't feel right though...

Oh that's probably the nausea, lately the box under my desk has started humming, a weird buzzing noise that's kind of making me sick. I think I'll move it somewhere else, like a room in in less frequently. I won't move it outside or some porch pirate will steal it and those hooded figures won't get their property back for sure.

Though it's been a while since I've seen them, since they left it behind even.

The noise is pretty bothersome, I'm not sure I want to open it anymore, but I might just to see if I can get the noise to stop. I'll have to make up my mind soon or the noise might get worse, I'd rather not trigger a migraine for myself if I can help it.

I hope kiyomi becomes a regular, she's really nice and interesting to have around, always something clever or peculiarly interesting to say. She's sweet and funny..and pretty.

Who, some kid just dashed in and hid behind- huh, they're shaking their head at me frantically..oh! Never mind there's no kid here, and if there was they went out and have probably gone home by now, it's just me and the box behind the counter.

Kids are strange, I would know I used to be one...not that I can remember much of it though. But they are strange, always so full of energy and ideas.

Another yellow helicopter just flew overhead, they dropped more missing children posters. Theres more than just Tamika now, they're looking for a bunch of kids.

One looked familiar, not because there's a kid with that description hiding in my store, no there's no kids here at all just me.

Oh right, when I talked about some medication going missing, the pain pills, something else when missing again, almost an entire supply of some seeds are gone. Mostly herbs.

Not sure who wants to grow herbs all by themselves in the dessert, but I wish them luck, just wish they'd payed first.

Hopefully nothing else goes missing or has gone missing. I'll check soon, I have...a few things to take care of before I start closing up fir the day.

I might have found that intern afterall...

[contradictoryenigmas]

2022 Postmortem: 10 Questions

Usually, I am on the ball when it comes to the 10 Questions piece for the past five years. It starts at the beginning of December when my mind starts to reflect on the past year and what I want to try and achieve for the upcoming year. For this year's piece, I didn't start this process until the week of Christmas.

I've been feeling like I have been pulled in all sorts of directions and not having any time to relax. Whether it be work, personal stuff, or the various crises the world seems to be in every day, it has made me not interested in doing anything outside of laying down or staring blankly at the wall. But that isn't to say there were moments of joy and hope, it just felt like they were few and far between.

I'm not going to say 2022 was the most difficult year in my life, but I would put it up there in my top five.

Author’s Note: If you are new to this or want to take a look back at previous pieces, you can click on the links here: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, & 2021.

What made up your body of work this year? Which parts are you most proud of?

I would to like answer this with some sort of writing. Alas, 2022 was barren of writing. I have some car reviews sitting on top of my printer from back in the summer that are awaiting any sort of editing. Others are waiting to be written. I could list various excuses as to why I haven't. It boils down to me not having any sort of energy to put words onto something. Despite the desire to write anything, along with efforts to try; nothing has been really able to flow out.

When it comes to personal writing, a brick wall seemingly pops up when try to write. There's a piece on Twitter that I started earlier this month that is only a few sentences in as I ran out of steam. The only place where I feel like I can make some headway is with a personal journal I keep for myself. I wonder if some of it comes down to being afraid of how people may react to something I've written. Being out of the game for a bit, I could see this as a possible reason.

All of my body of work for this year was with my day job as a specification researcher, now known as a data specialist. The only item I can ultimately be proud of is lessening my workload before going on holiday break. The past few months have seen me get slammed with many new vehicles and feeling like I won't be able to get through all of it. My coworkers have been awesome at helping me out whenever they could. But I can say that after every workday, I felt both mentally and physically drained due to how much work needed to be done.

What were your top 5 moments of the year?

Getting back into the swing of reviewing new cars

Continuing to exercise on a somewhat regular basis

Working on some smaller projects

Cooking more at home

Slowly stepping away from Twitter as a crutch for human interaction

What are you really glad is over?

I feel like a broken record as my answer is the same as last year - the day job! Aside from an intensive workload from late summer to the end of the year, we lost a few people throughout the year - two left in the summer to pursue other positions, and another was let go before the holidays. We do have a couple more people going through training that will hopefully start within the next month, I am wondering how much more I can hold on during the next year.

How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?

Feeling like I am in a constant state of tiredness. I know work is a big reason for this, but other items in my life zap the energy right out of me. What makes this worse is that my sleeping patterns vary; some nights I'm able to sleep decently, while on others I am rolling around in my bed with no sign of entering deep sleep. I try to take naps, but I find it to be more successful during the weekends as my eyes haven't been blasted by bright screens during weekdays. The tiredness has also affected other parts of my life from wanting to try new things, to watching TV.

Another issue that has popped up recently is feeling very lonely. With the pandemic and working from home for the past couple of years, I've been feeling alone and wanting to be around people that I care about. I have friends, but most are out of state and I cannot travel to see them at the moment. Thankfully there are phone calls and Twitter (before Elon Musk started making a mess of it). I do find myself wishing that I had some people closer to me to hang out with. Getting myself to that point is difficult being that the pandemic has made me lose a lot of the social interaction skills I somewhat had.

On the upside, my mental health has been improving throughout the year, partly due to some new medication I started towards the end of last year. I'm not having as many depression episodes. When it does appear, I'm able to resolve it much faster. My ADHD is slightly better as I can focus on certain things, but there are others like aspects that throw wrenches into my day that I'm still working out.

Also been trying to read a bit more when I go to bed to try and help with my sleep. This is to help keep my eyes from looking at a tablet or even my Kindle which causes me to stay awake longer, even though I want to sleep. It has been hit and miss with the sleep, but I am happy to be reading regularly again.

Is there anything you achieved that you forgot to celebrate?

I almost forgot about this, but I was asked by a friend of mine about what they should do next. Their current job was driving them to burnout and wanted some perspective from someone who was in the same boat. I gave them my perspective and hoped that I was able to help them reach their final decision.

What have you changed your perspective on this year?

Twitter. Ever since Elon Musk bought the social network, it has become messy. Trying to list various changes, layoffs, and controversies would take up a fair amount in this piece. But I have started to use it less and less. I realized once again that I had been using Twitter as a replacement for actual human interaction. Twitter is nice if I want to make a stupid joke, catch up with someone quickly, or show off something. But spend too much time and it can become a bit too much with the feeling of FOMO.

I'm still on Twitter and will likely be there when it sinks (or something else). But it has moved away from something I check regularly - Mastadon and CoHost are serving that role.

Who are the people that came through for you this year?

Numerous people deserve a huge thank you. They include my coworkers at my day job, my therapist, folks on Weird Car Twitter and Mastadon, and some very close friends. All of them played a key role in keeping me from going completely crazy throughout this year.

What were some pieces of media that defined your year?

Zelda: Breath of the Wild

An honorable mention last year, it has now moved up to the main stage this year. I finished this back in February and was blown. I've never really played a Zelda game before - only playing a few minutes of A Link to the Past and Link Between Worlds. But something about Breath of the Wild made me sit down and play for around 90 hours. The story unfolds in a way that you find yourself wanting to explore and understand how the world got to this place. I wasn't so fond of the weapon degradation system because I may break it in the heat of battle, and hoping that I have something capable to replace it.

I am wanting to do another play-through next year to get ready for the sequel.

Car Mechanic Simulator 2021

Over 300 hours. That is what Steam says how much time I have spent playing Car Mechanic Simulator 2021. I can't fully explain what got me to start playing this simulator - don't really want to call it a game - aside from it being on sale on Stream back in the spring. It has been something to help me unwind after a long day of work. Just something about taking apart a vehicle, fixing the various issues, and putting it back together that feels oddly fulfilling.

What If 2 by Randall Monroe

If your book cites Smooth by Santana feat. Rob Thomas to describe the temperature of Earth, you have my instant respect. I loved the first What If book, and the second continues the trend of people asking absurd questions and Monroe (creator of the fantastic XKCD cartoon) putting in the research and work to answer them. I actually started re-reading this book again towards the end of the year because I laughed so much.

God Gets A Little Busy Sometimes by Izo FitzRoy

I have a small playlist of songs that I tend to play whenever I'm in a depressive state to remind myself that it will get better in due course. The latest addition came from Izo FitzRoy in December. I can't fully explain how this song helps me out when I'm in a depressive mood, but I think the gospel undertones play a role.

Honorable Mentions: The Beatles - Get Back documentary; iPhone 14; Gran Turismo 7 for Playstation 4; modding a new Nintendo 3DS XL; Jazz FM in the U.K.; Linux Mint on a HP laptop; Mario+Rabbids - Kingdom Battle; Paramount Plus; Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD by Tamara Rosier Ph.D.

What will you be leaving behind in 2022?

The answer is the same as 2021: "I don’t know if there is anything I am leaving behind at the end of this year. Feels like I am making plans on things that I’ll be leaving next year." Hopefully, 2023 doesn't throw as many issues into this as 2022.

What do you hope to accomplish in 2023?

There are several things that I want to try and work on in the coming year. How many I can work on depends on a big elephant in the room; the day job. I'll split this up into two categories; projects I will be working on throughout the year, and projects dependent on the elephant.

Projects throughout the year:

Various electronic projects: I did some small stuff this year with various electronics such as modding a New 3DS XL to allow backs and slowly upgrading my work laptop to have a spare machine. There are some projects on the block including an iPod Classic upgrade to use a jukebox in my car and fixing up an old Dell XPS gaming computer to play older Windows games.

Clear up the auto review backlog: Having various vehicles from back in the spring needing to be written up has been nagging me throughout this year. Want to get those done and up somewhere. It would remove a big weight and allow me to start asking for media vehicles. I instituted a new rule a few years back that I cannot ask for any media vehicles until the backlog is fully completed. On one hand, this keeps me honest and not overwhelming me with more work. The downside is having a backlog that I don't touch for months.

Figure out a better way to get reviews out the door faster: Once the backlog is done, I want to figure out ways to help me get reviews out in a more timely fashion. Remembering to take notes is a difficult one, along with trying to block out some time every week to organize and start putting down thoughts.

Continue to make my apartment my own: Aside from getting various posters framed and hung, I need to work on better organizing parts of the apartment. Currently just feels like I don't have enough space and have items stacked in piles. I would love to have a bigger apartment or storage unit where I can throw various items, but that feels so far away at the moment. For now, going to make the best of what I can do.

Money Stuff: This year has been tough on my finances and I know that I can do better. Some items I have started to implement are cooking more at home, using a vacuum sealer to keep food longer, and using apps for coupons and cash back. For the new year, I'm planning to get back on an application I used before - Simplifi - to track where money is going and help me figure out where I can cut back. Also in the cards is setting up some automatic transfers to start stashing money away for items and trips I would like to do.

Projects dependent on the elephant:

Getting back to writing on a somewhat regular basis: I mentioned earlier that I really miss writing and want to get back to it. But not having the energy does put a major damper on it. For the automotive stuff, I would like to branch out and work on the history of various cars. I have a stockpile of old magazines, books, and an insatiable curiosity to explore. Now, I just need to get the energy to pull this off. Also been thinking of starting a newsletter to post various thoughts, but I don't where to even start with that.

The personal stuff is another area I want to try and tackle. Part of this is moving from Tumblr, which has been a good home for the life of the blog. But I feel having a new place to post would help increase my desire to write.

Traveling: I cannot remember the last time I went somewhere that wasn't with my parents or in the state of Michigan. I have the desire to explore and visit various parts of the U.S., along with the rest of the world. Money is a big factor in this, along with figuring out where I want to travel first.

Working towards a new car: My current Ford Fusion has a litany of issues and it causes me a fair amount of stress. Having something newer and fewer miles would help immensely.

As I sit in my old room on Christmas day working on this piece, I think how I'm at a set of crossroads wondering which road to take. 2022 has been a year where I had originally planned to make some big moves, but various monkey wrenches have put a stop to many of them. The end of the year has me feeling wanting to break out and do some new stuff. But there is another part of me that wants to take it easy and be at a place where I feel comfortable with everything around me. Seems counterintuitive, but I think it is fitting for a blog with the title of Contradictory Enigmas.

[magnoliapromenadegalleria]

                             Magnolia Archives: Simchella

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Event Creators: @sea-cross @thecollectivesims

QA/Assistant Extraordinaire : @honeykiwis

Creators content featured: @sentate @serenity-cc @sifix @ice-creamforbreakfast @madlensims @candysims4 @greenllamas @simcelebrity00 @crypticsim @tekri @daylifesims @rustys-cc @okruee @simstrouble @simandy @aharris00britney @qicc @casteru @someone-elsa @ceeproductions @regina-raven @clumsyalienn @nucrests @arethabee @manul-sul-sul @glitterberrysims @aanhamdan93​ @dogsill​

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@mmoutfitters

[onyxbird]

There's No Such Thing as a Free Lunch (But Sometimes It's My Treat)

Summary: It was clearly labeled as his, and it probably wasn't poison. …Eh, Martin had better things to do than worry about the provenance of free food.

Someone has started leaving packed lunches for Martin, and he's not sure who or why. The food is certainly good, though. Five times the mysterious lunches appear, and one time he actually talks to his benefactor. (Lethal Weapon (2016), AO3 link for fic)

1. Monday

When the first brown paper bag appeared on Martin's desk, he was a little puzzled. Still, they'd been running flat-out on this case since 9 am, so unless it was literally a bomb or a severed hand or something, he really did not have the energy to care.

It was a sandwich.

Two sandwiches, actually, and a little bag of dried apricots.

He stared blankly at the ziploc bag in his hand for a long moment. He picked up the paper bag again to check for any indication of who it belonged to: “Martin.”

…The bag definitely hadn't been there when he stopped at his desk this morning, so it wasn't that he'd dissociated so hard over the weekend that he'd grocery shopped and packed a lunch without remembering. Besides, that wasn't his handwriting.

“Finally decided to upgrade from vending machine fare?” Cahill's voice sounded amused, but she wore a decidedly pleased smile. Hmm. She was surprised, so this wasn't some weirdly direct new therapy strategy, then. She didn't need to know he had no idea what was going on.

He considered the sandwich again as Cahill walked on.

It was clearly labeled as his, and it probably wasn't poison. …Eh, he had better things to do than worry about the provenance of free food.

The sandwiches were peanut butter and jelly, and Martin did not die.

2. Tuesday

Another bag was sitting on his desk when he arrived the next morning.

It contained almonds, grapes, a container of cheese, pepperoni, and crackers, and a brownie.

Martin glanced around the room, but no one seemed to be paying any attention. His name was clearly written on this one, too.

He ate the brownie and saved the rest for lunch.

3. Wednesday

He was vaguely disappointed when there was no bag on his desk the next morning.

Tracking down leads for the latest case took the entire morning and more. By the time they made it back to the station, it was almost 2 pm, and Roger had been moaning about how hungry he was for over an hour.

There was still no bag on his desk.

He wasn't really even sure why he was so disappointed. The lunch-bag fairy was apparently a two-day only deal, but that was better than he had any reason to expect.

He grabbed a few items from the vending machine, as per usual, and tried to forget about yesterday's brownie.

…

The station was nearly deserted when he ducked into the breakroom one last time before leaving, but Martin wasn't quite the last hold-out plugging away at the case—Scorsese was sitting at the table, his head propped on one hand and an energy-drink can in the other, looking like a zombie.

He frowned blearily as Martin plugged his coins into the vending machine and tried to decide between cheese puffs and M&Ms. Or both. This was his dinner, after all.

“…Did you forget you left your lunch in the fridge?”

Martin's nearly-made decision evaporated from his brain. “Huh?”

“Your lunch,” said Scorsese. “It's still in the fridge.”

The fact that Martin hadn't brought a lunch was on the tip of his tongue, but…

He opened the fridge. Sure enough, a brown bag labeled “Martin” sat on the middle shelf. A peek inside revealed another two sandwiches and bag of carrot sticks.

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“No problem,” said Scorsese. He chugged the remainder of his energy drink.

Martin headed towards the door.

“Your money's still in the vending machine,” noted Scorsese.

Martin flashed him a crooked smile. “Right.” He punched the buttons for the M&Ms, and snagged them out of the dispenser. “Guess I'd better get out of here before I forget where I left my head.”

Scorsese snorted. “Yeah. Me, too.”

4. Thursday

There was, again, no bag on Martin's desk the next morning, but there was one in the fridge.

He delved into it eagerly while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

Turkey sandwiches today, with tomato, avocado, and plenty of mustard. More carrot sticks, and a lemon bar.

The case sucked, but a bad day with a lemon bar was certainly an improvement over a bad day without one.

5. Friday

The bag was on his desk again, and the first thing he pulled out was a thermos.

Martin pondered it with some concern. All of the wrappings previously had been disposable.

He supposed if the lunch-bag fairy was able to access his desk to leave lunches, they must also be able to get in and retrieve stuff (which, in hindsight, he probably should have reported to Avery by now), but… was he intended to wash it? And when did they come? It was almost the weekend.

He set the thermos down and continued his exploration. Crackers, some cherry tomatoes, another lemon bar, and a note.

“Since my husband is clearly not going to remember to ask you: Please come join me for coffee [a note scribbled in the margin added 'and coffee cake'] tomorrow (Saturday) morning. Recently got a 'Texas chili' recipe that I'd like to pick your brain about. Anytime after 9am is fine. –Trish (P.S. Bring the thermos with you.)”

+1 Saturday

Martin sheepishly knocked on the Murtaughs' door at 9 am, thermos in hand. Trish welcomed him in with a smile, reclaiming the thermos and pointing him to a seat. Roger and the teens were out for the day, she explained.

It took Martin no more than halfway through his first, generous slice of rich cinnamon coffee cake to dissect all the ways in which the purported “Texas” chili recipe was anything but. (“Barely even qualifies as 'chili,'” he grumbled, eliciting a snort of laughter from Trish.)

It took a few more bites to finally dredge up the will to broach the other topic on his mind. His eyes stayed on the surface of the coffee in his mug, as if it were likely to do something dangerous if left unsupervised. “So you're the one who's been leaving lunch for me all week?”

There was a pause.

“Well, I sent it in with Roger. …What did he say when he gave it to you?”

Martin hesitated.

“Martin.” Trish's face brooked no argument.

“Well… he didn't exactly say anything. I just found it on my desk. Or in the fridge.”

Trish dropped her face into her hand. “I swear I am going to kill that man someday.” She pointed a finger at Martin. “That is a figure of speech, and not an admission of guilt.”

By the time Martin left in mid-afternoon, he'd been drafted as a prep cook to assist with multiple batches of meals to stock the freezer, fueled by helping to polish off several of the remaining lemon bars.

He also had another coffee date with Trish scheduled for the next week.

As price for a week's worth of lunches went, he was definitely coming out ahead.

[eppysboys]

hi eppy !! do you know how the boys were like as students? as in, their behavior and academic performance? i think i have a general idea lol but i just wanted to know if there is something else you know:))

Hi darling! I apologise for the lack of links to sources and ugly formatting, tumblr is being a bit silly and not allowing me to do anything?? Sorry about that!

George:

I think as clever as we know George was, his distaste for the institute was very strong. He was disappointed that the school's music programs didn't offer enough/any guitars, which was his primary love. His focus was on music/guitars completely. I remember reading he used to just draw guitars in his notebooks at school (he was smitten!)

"George, on the other hand, hated school and all the teachers, simply hated the Institute with a passion. He refused to work ("it's impossible to judge this boy's work because he hasn't done any" says one of his reports), he hated the dress code and deliberately wore as many colourful items as he could get away with under the uniform, transforming himself into the Institute's tiniest teen rebel, and he hated a lot of the other students. Paul's actual younger brother Michael, also at the Liverpool Institute at the time, comments: 'One of his new friends was George Harrison, who at this time was a bit of a joke at school because he wore his hair so long. And the more the kids laughed and jeered, the longer George let his hair grow. I think in the end he'd have let it grow below his knees if they hadn't all got fed up and left off jeering at him.'" (x)

John:

We know young John was a little bookworm, reading beyond his years and had a keen interest in art and writing in particular. He clearly had a lot of energy and when the subject didn't interest him he created mischief. He did end up failing his O levels by a few points, his interest in school just wasn't there.

1956 report card from Quarry Bank High School for Boys in Liverpool:

In art college John was much the same, and relied on Stuart Sutcliffe tutoring him after class on all the things the teachers had just said. There were certain teachers that did encourage him and try and guide him down the right path, but I think John was just very restless, a tad insecure and simply not right for the traditional academic route, despite his intelligence.

Paul:

"Before the double whammy of his mother dying and meeting John Lennon, Paul was a good student ("I ruined Paul's life," John informed Ray Connolly once; "he could have been a teacher, you know"), and fond enough of some of his teachers to rave about one of them, Alan Durband, decades later. ("I had the greatest teacher ever of English literature, called Alan Durband, who was a leading light in the Everyman Theatre, when Willie Russell and everybody were there. He led the fund raising. He'd been taught at Cambridge by F. R. Leavis and used to talk glowingly of him. And he communicated his love of literature to us, which was very difficult because we were Liverpool sixteen-year-olds, 'What d'fuck is dat der?' He'd actually written a ten-minute morning story for the BBC, so I respected this guy. He was nice, a bit authoritarian, but they all had to be in our school because we would have gone had they not held us. We needed holding. He was a good guy. "

“I got to know Paul McCartney in my last two years at the Liverpool Institute. I had seen him around, but I didn’t know him very well. Someone dug me in the ribs and said, ‘We’re in for a couple of good years here,’ because Paul already had a reputation for being a guy who could create quite a bit of mayhem. Butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He was able to turn it on and off. He could look as sweet as an angel just after he’d done the most incredibly disruptive things, and usually the blame went to someone else.” Iain Taylor, The Beatles: An Oral History

"McCartney was not much of a student, Taylor, a retired history teacher, recalled. In fact, he left on a trip to Hamburg before the finals. Taylor remembers McCartney as "quite a character."

"I still have very vivid memories that I'm trying to put down in this history of the school. He was very artistic, a left-hander, and he wasn't particularly good in the early part of his school days with mathematics and science. He hated organized sports and games. He was a bit of an anarchist and wouldn't participate," Taylor said.

"He seemed to excel verbally in being able to mimic the teachers, but do it quietly so the teachers didn't hear but everybody else did. He was kind of a rebel," Taylor said.

Harrison and McCartney were among the youngest boys to hang out in the smokers' corner, a spot out of sight of the teachers.

"George Harrison was beaten many times for many things. Paul McCartney was usually quite skilled at negotiating his way around things without feeling the consequences," Taylor said.

The cafeteria had an interesting reverb and McCartney spent his lunch hours drumming out Little Richard songs.

"I nearly did very well at grammar school but I started to get interested in art instead of academic subjects," Many Years From Now

So clearly Paul was a really intelligent kid with a rebellious streak who had his head turned by music and that's where he decided all his interest would go to. His parents wanted him to be a doctor/scientist, and provided him with all the support and encouragment he needed to excel. He was reading encyclodpedias and solving crosswords left and right, and many teachers and students commented on his artistic and academic abilities.

Ringo:

Ringo's schooling life was constantly interrupted by illness and hospital visits. He simply did not have the oppurtunities the others did, being the poorest and obviously so ill so often.

"Ritchie is not learn to read until he was nine years old when he was taught by a friend of his mother, the daughter of Annie Marie Maguire. Later attended Dingle Vale secondary modern; he left at the age of thirteen due to him being so behind."

He talked later about being self conscious about not knowing as much, or not speaking as well as others could. But Ringo was/is a very smart guy, and has always had a really wonderful attitude towards learning new things which I personally admire a great deal.

[sckyie]

word count: 1.8k

genre + warnings: angst; post-break up, alcoholism, depression implied, mentions of death, open ending

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: i needa fix my links, suna imagine after this; valentines event announcement tmo

Death can be a strange thing. As a society, people weep and mourn the death of a loved one or a celebrity. Your body shuts down, scared to move on with life without that certain someone. Everyone responds to differently, but how do you move past the death of a relationship?

It was a rough week, to begin with. Losing the man you fell in love with then losing your job. The endless thoughts of Kageyama filled your head throughout the day. Though you missed him, you always wondered about how he felt.

To Kageyama, the break-up felt like a death in his life. That there was a missing piece of you. His heart hurt at the thought of you. Yet he didn't bat an eye when people asked about you.

You woke up to the bright lights gleaming through your blinds. You sat up, rubbing your sleepy eyes away. The bedroom had become a mess since you broke up. All of Kageyama's things in boxes, broken picture frames scattered, empty beer bottles on the counter. You groaned at the sight but you weren't in the right mind.

You dragged your feet into the bathroom, wishing for something to change. You looked at yourself in the mirror, cringing at how worse it's gotten. Your eye bags and dark circles were more prominent than before. Poking at your face, you sighed knowing everything you're doing is becoming more and more unhealthy. Starting small, you decided to shower before cleaning up a little in your room.

Kageyama had stuck to his usual routine. Wake up early, shower, have small breakfast, practice, come home to you. He had always forgotten that you weren't waiting on him at home. He grew this habit of saying "I'm home," but there was no one to respond.

Nonetheless, Kageyama was doing significantly better than you were. Harsh to say but it was the truth. He had amazing practices with his team, he spent time with his best friends, and he had no worry of you needing attention. His mind would clear for the day, only for it to be clouded with the thoughts of you.

A small bit of cleaning turn into a deep clean where your mind was empty. No thoughts of the break up nor your financial situation. You looked at the boxes and bags at the front of your door. Recycling the old beer bottles, a bag of trash from all over the house, and the one box that haunts you. The box of Kageyama's clothes, gifts and old memories in which you wanted to return to him.

You sighed as you looked at them, your stomach growling to break your silence. Your hand flies to your belly as you walked towards the refrigerator. An empty fridge, what did you expect? You hadn't left the house in days. Closing the fridge, you grabbed your bag and keys before heading out to the grocery store.

Kageyama opened the pantry cabinet to find an empty tub of pre-workout. Checking his other shelves, a lack of food and workout powder was evident. He groaned despite it being his day off, getting ready to go out.

You wondered the aisles taking note of what you need to buy and what not to buy. You cringed at the sight of alcohol, turning away from the cold fridges. Your eyes follow the different products into the next aisle. The items in your basket rustle, shifting the weight around as you trailed into the next walkway.

You looked down adjusting your drinks, walking on the side of the aisle. Kageyama had picked up a new tub of energy supplement, reading the back with all the ingredients. He looks up after hearing someone approach him down the aisle. His eyes widened at the sight of you yet you didn't even see him as you passed.

After fixing your basket, you continued down the aisle in which you knew you didn't need anything from. "Y/n?" You heard. You knew that voice, you could never forget that voice. Slowly, you stopped and turned to see the one person you dreaded seeing.

"Tobio," You muttered. He takes a step towards you, afraid of what you'd do. Your heart ached as Kageyama was standing a few feet away from you.

He stared at you, noticing significant changes in your demeanor. "H-How are you?" You broke the silence.

"I'm doing good, I'm just buying some pre-workout...What about you?" He took a glance at your basket, noticing some medicine among your groceries.

"I'm...okay...I just needed to buy some groceries," Your voice was shaky. Kageyama took a step closer to see what medicine you had picked up.

"Are you sick?" Kageyama tilted his head. "Are you sleeping? You look...tired."

"I'm just, recovering," You sighed. "My head does not concern you anymore." You looked at the ground, the pain in your chest intensifying. He's pitying you.

"It does concern me," His voice was stern. "Just because we broke up doesn't me I stopped caring about you."

"We broke up because you stopped caring!" You raised your tone. "We broke up because you called me a distraction and that you were just taking care of a toddler. You're not my boyfriend anymore, don't try to coddle me."

"Y/n, don't talk-" You took a step towards him.

"Shut up Kageyama. Stop trying to act like everything is okay between us," You cut him off.

"So what? I'm supposed to let you drink our break up away?" He defended. His chest began to sting after hearing you call him by his last name. "I'm not letting you kill your body because I left!"

"Fuck you," You spat, turning and walking away from him.

"Don't walk away from me," Kageyama reaches over and grabs your shoulder to stop you. "You're not going to die because you're out of a relationship. Stop being stubborn."

"I'm already dead," Your eyes were watering, you swat his hand away turning to pay for your items. "I'm done arguing with you Kageyama."

Kageyama wanted to go back and stop you but he could tell that you  were truly heartbroken. It was his decision to leave you. The night of the break up, you had asked him if he could pay more attention to you. It spiraled into an argument about time and how you acted with him. He called you a distraction. A waste of time. The one thing holding him back.

Those harsh words had stabbed you in the back as you left him that night. The next morning, you had been let go by your job due to overstaffing and downsizing. You had nothing left, that's when the drinking started. You thought it'll drown out the pain, it didn't. It only made it worse.

Roughly a week after seeing each other in the grocery store, Kageyama decided to go out for a morning run. Down his path, he spots the house you were renting while you two together. Back then, Kageyama had always brought up the suggestion of moving in together. As he encroached on the front of your gate, a particular sign caught his eye. "For rent?" He read aloud. He peeks into the windows to see an empty home.

One of your neighbors had noticed Kageyama as he went out to get his  mail. "Kageyama?" Your neighbor asks.

Kageyama turned to the unfamiliar stranger. "Yes?"

"You're friends with Y/n, right?" He asked. Kageyama stopped at the word friends, hesitantly nodding.

"How do you know my name?" Kageyama walked towards the neighbor, his eyes fixated on your house.

"Well," Your neighbor opens his garage, walking in to grab something. Kageyama watched as the man came back with a box, his name scribbled on the side. "Y/n asked me to give this to you if you ever came by."

"What?" Kageyama took the box in hand.

"Before she left, she gave me that to give to you," Your neighbor explained. "She said something along the lines of 'I'm too scared to talk to him anymore.' She said you'd come by from a run sometime. I didn't know I'd be so soon."

"Wait, before she left? Where'd she go?" Kageyama asked.

"No clue, I saw her donate a lot of her things but last I saw her, she just gave me that box," He put his arm on the back of his neck. "To be honest, she seemed really sad when she came by."

"Did she say where she was going?" Kageyama looked back at your house, noticing a plant sitting on the railing by your door.

"Only that she was saying goodbye to people," He says.

Kageyama bows to the neighbor before leaving, taking the box to his car. Before driving, he decided to make some calls to his friends about you.

"I haven't heard from her in a while, is she okay?" Hinata responded.

"Last I heard from her she said she wanted to leave," Tsukishima said.

"No clue, has something happened?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Y/n? I have no idea, do you need help finding her?" Iwaizumi says.

Then, his final resort. "Y/n-san..." Oikawa's voice was low. Even though he wasn't in Japan, he knew something. "She called me telling me that...she didn't want anything to do with, well all of us. She told me that after the break up she couldn't bear being around your friends."

"Why would she tell you this? You're not even here," There was hints of pain in Kageyama's voice. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"She told me because I'm not there to stop her," Oikawa sighed. "Tobio, I'm scared for her."

"Do I have to ask again? Where did she go?" Kageyama's eyes were starting to water. "Is she okay?" Oikawa paused, thinking back to the phone call the two of you had before you left.

"Y/n-chan!"

"Hi Oikawa..."

"Oikawa? Y/n, are you okay?" You never called him by Oikawa, not even when the two of you met.

"I just wanted to, well, let go of something."

"Let go?"

"I'm leaving and I won't be coming back."

"Wait what? Where are you going? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because...this is my goodbye to you...and only you. I don't want to be around Kageyama's friends anymore. I can't stand being with them without connecting them to him. I'm only telling you know because you can't stop me from going."

"Where are you going Y/n? You're scaring me now." Oikawa was concerned of what you were going to do.

"Somewhere where no one will find me," Your voice cracked as you spoke. "Goodbye Tooru. Tell Kageyama I still love him for me?"

"Y/n, wait-" You had ended the call before he could continue talking.

"She just- what disappeared?" Kageyama started his car quickly looking for your contact. "She didn't say anything else?"

"No, I'm sorry Tobio," Oikawa sighed.

"I'll call you back," Kageyama ends the call as he began to drive towards his neighborhood. He taps your contact, waiting for the phone to ring. He waited impatiently, anxiously anticipating your answer.

That was until, "We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @just-a-siiimp @d0llpie @elianetsantana

[nagichi-boop]

Kenma - Autism Thoughts/Headcanons

A little self indulgent post that will hopefully be interesting for someone.

Note: I haven't been diagnosed with ASD, nor am I a professional in anything related to psychology or autism. These observations are purely based on my personal knowledge and research on the subject. If something isn't correct, please let me know and I'll try to adjust things accordingly.

This post contains some spoilers for the Haikyuu manga, including the time skip.

Also, if you have anything you'd like to add, please do! I'd be interested to know your thoughts.

The most notable autistic trait Kenma has is his difficulty making eye contact. He usually either speaks without looking at people or if someone looks at him, he will avert his gaze. Even with those he is closer to like Kuroo and Hinata, he can only maintain eye contact for so long before he looks away.

It’s very clear that Kenma’s special interest is his video games. It’s such a strong passion of his that the boy decided to make a career out of it. The world famous kodzuken out here showing the world how talented and special he is.

Kenma tends to speak in a very monotone voice. He also says things very bluntly, which either comes off as rude or his honesty is viewed as something comforting.

Speaking of which, Kenma tries to tie his love of video games to other aspects of his life. He sometimes references aspects of video games to his volleyball playing. Kuroo also takes note of this and sometimes links things to video games as well, such as when he suggests being a setter is like being a strategist and when he says Kenma is less like a hero and more like the final boss of a game.

On the other hand, he seems to be able to spot patterns very well. As a kid, he would attentively watch matches with Kuroo and then point out things the players were doing. When he’s playing in matches himself, the team depends on him to think of strategies to trick the other team and help them to win.

It's also interesting in the flashback above that Kuroo falls asleep watching the match while Kenma keenly observes. Kuroo was the one to introduce Kenma to volleyball, but Kenma became very fixated on it to the point where, at least when it comes to watching matches, he became more obsessed with volleyball than Kuroo.

Kuroo mentions that Kenma tends to be unmotivated to do things that he isn’t interested in, but if he is interested in it, he invests in it with all his energy. He clearly does this with video games – he doesn’t give up on them even when he is struggling with it. He also does the same with volleyball. Even though he usually tries to find ways to avoid situations he doesn’t like, in the Battle of the Dumpster match, he gives his all, even saying that he doesn’t want the match to end. He then thanks Kuroo for introducing him to volleyball.

He seems like the type to not really like crowds. Even though he didn’t seem to have a practical reason to not watch the Alders vs Black Jackals match in person, he decided to watch the game from the comfort of his home.

It should also be noted that his career is one that would limit the amount of social interaction he has to do as he has most of what he needs for his job at home.

Although its not necessarily a direct trait of autism, Kenma has a very vivid imagination. He uses his imagination to daydream and make unenjoyable activities more bearable, such as running.

The poor thing isn’t the best at dealing with others. When he first meets Hinata, he is very closed off and doesn’t really talk a lot, clearly uncomfortable with Hinata being around. He also didn’t understand Yamamoto, which led Kuroo to offer him advice on how to interact with him. (Side note, but Kenma is very clearly uncomfortable with the subject matter as he isn't shown to say anything back to Kuroo and instead looks the other way.)

It's also shown that he sometimes needs a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. For example, when he tries to offer advice to Yamamoto in an attempt to bond with him, he stumbles on his words a little before he's able to get his full thoughts out.

Even though he mostly hates being touched by others and having his personal space invaded, Kenma is also sometimes shown to not understand personal space very well. When he is looking at stuff in a vending machine, he gets close to the people standing in front of it and accidentally scares them a little.

While he isn’t shown to stim that much, he does tend to be looking at either his phone or a video game, which could be a form of visual stimming. When he first meets Hinata, he is on his phone but he mentions that he is only using it to pass time, so it’s possible he was just using it as a way to calm himself down in an unfamiliar situation. He is also shown to be twitching his feet when he is in the Nekoma dorms, which is a stim I personally have.

It’s possible that Kenma’s comfort items are his phone and/or PSP. He usually isn’t seen without at least one of them in his hand.

When Kenma went to comfort Hinata because he was ill, he didn’t really offer words of encouragement. He instead gave his friend a tablet so he could watch the match. He showed his care through practical help.

Kenma tends to wear the same sort of clothes all the time. When he was a kid, he usually wore a long undershirt and then a t-shirt on top of it, or he would wear a hoodie. As a teenager and adult, he is often shown to be wearing a hoodie like he always used to do, maybe because he is used to that outfit and it's comfortable for him. He also wears his hair in a bun every time he is shown in the time skip.

He doesn’t really like being the center of attention. He finds the speech Kuroo gives before each match to be embarrassing, likely because he doesn’t like how it draws attention to him. He also got very nervous when Kageyama was staring at him and mumbling a lot of questions.

Kenma tends to hide behind Kuroo a lot. I personally do this when I’m around people that make me uncomfortable, but he makes it look so much cuter. Am I just pointing this out because I love gushing about how adorable Kenma is? I’ll let you decide.

He doesn’t really like formalities, which is why he allows Hinata to call him by his first name as soon as they meet. He also tells Lev off whenever he addresses Kenma formally. While it is mostly attributed to how he was treated by his upperclassmen in the past, it could also be because he doesn’t quite understand why such social rules exist to begin with.

Hope you found this post interesting! Once again, feel free to share your own thoughts and ideas on the subject! ^^

I wanted to include more images but I didn't realise Tumblr had a limit, oops. Hopefully my points make sense even without the visual aids.

[dragonofdarknesschaos]

Shadow Young: The Ultimate Heylin Warrior

So I was rereading some old theories about Shadow, and I realized that I completely overlooked such a blatant coincidence!

The Yin-Yang Paradigm | Parallels between the Goddess Jiu Tian Xuan Nu and Shadow

The Yin-Yang Paradigm can take a backseat. It's an interesting read, but the only part we need is the line from the Xiaolin Chronicles Special Edition Preface.

In ancient China,the great Xiaolin Master Dashi unlocked the secrets to supreme martial arts powers.  He became a Xiaolin Dragon–a force of light–defender of good.

Where there is yang, there must be yin.  The evil witch Wuya stole Dashi’s secrets and molded herself into the embodiment of darkness–the Heylin Dragon.

Why is assigning Wuya, the original Heylin Dragon Warrior, as an embodiment of yin energy important? Because the Chinese Goddess, Jiu Tian Xuan Nu, is also known as "The Ultimate Yin." Shadow shares almost all her aspects with this deity. This means that Shadow was (or is?) destined to become The Ultimate Heylin Warrior.

What does that even mean? [Spoilers under the cut]

Dashi was the first Xiaolin Dragon Warrior. Wuya stole his techniques and molded herself into a Heylin Dragon. At the end of XC it is stated that Chase ascends to the level of a Heylin Dragon, quite literally.

While Wuya doesn't possess the same literal transformation that Chase has associated with the title of "Dragon," it still bears mentioning that both achieved this level of skill.

How Xiaolin Dragon Warriors--warriors of light--differ from Heylin Dragon Warriors--warriors of darkness--is that Xiaolin Warriors ascend to the level of Dragon when they successfully ride and pair with an actual dragon.

Chase was never able to do this, and he despised his fellow Monks (and brother) for moving on without him. In addition, as part of being a Xiaolin Dragon Warrior, one must give up part of their unique abilities and channel them into a mystical item for future generations of Xiaolin Warriors to use--these are the Shen Gong Wu. Chase had worked so hard for what little power he had, that he didn't think it was right for him to suddenly give it up for the sake of posterity.

While not much is known about Wuya, we do know that she craved power. Before Dashi defeated her in the first Xiaolin Showdown, she might have been well on her way to taking power from the whole world. It's purposefully left ambiguous and we are never truly meant to know. What is certain is that Wuya definitely could have done all, or possibly more, than Chase did in this Heylin Dragon Form.

So how does all this yin and yang relate back to Shadow?

As stated in the title of this post, I believe Shadow was destined to become the Ultimate Yin. In this context of "Xiao-yang" and "Hey-yin," this means that Shadow is slated to become the Ultimate Heylin Warrior. But Jiu Tian Xuan Nu is very much a positive, good, and balancing force in the pantheon. How can an ultimate evil be that too?

Throughout XC Shadow is shown checking and attempting to balance Chase's evil acts. The strongest example of the imbalance within Chase & his brand of Evil and how Shadow reacts to that imbalance can be seen in "Chase Lays an Egg." Not only does Shadow roll her eyes at Chase's gluttony early on, insisting that there are better (and more Evil) things to do, but she also shows extreme disgust over Chase's affection for the Egg. After the Egg is stolen, Chase prompts Shadow to go into the Xiaolin Temple and get back his Egg. Shadow refuses, and Chase darts off to get it himself. Shadow cooks up her own plan to destroy the Egg and revert Chase back to his usual, Evil self. Shadow's whole motivations towards Chase after episode 8, "Out of Ping Pong's Mind," can mostly be summed up as her trying to get him to be the most Evil version of himself. Over time she gets annoyed that he doesn't change and that eventually motivates her in part to leave ("Shadow's Role and Abuse" 2017).

So early on, Shadow already has an ideal of the Evil Chase should be living up to, but isn't. This is likely why Wuya and Shadow quickly and easily bonded--both possess extremely powerful yin energy. It's strange that returning Wuya to a solidly form is all Shadow's idea, but then Shadow seems surprised when her vision leads her back to Wuya an episode later ("Back in the Flesh Again," "Call of the Dragon Spirit"). I think it's only natural that Wuya would want to eliminate Shadow from the competition to be the strongest Heylin force. Wuya might not know that this is even coming, however.

The only real reason Wuya gives to eliminate Shadow at the end of the series is that Wuya saw Shadow as a tool to lead her to Princess Kaila, who Wuya believes was involved with her wrongful imprisonment by Dashi inside the spring inside the puzzle box for over 1500 years. Wuya doesn't need Shadow any more, since Kaila is right in front of her, so Shadow does something a little out of character. She turns around on Wuya and is last shown running for her life with Princess Kaila. It's implied that the two are at least traveling together, but it's unknown if Shadow is protecting Kaila or not. Since Shadow feels a connection to Kaila, I would argue that she is protecting the princess ("Fly the Dragon!").

So if Shadow is supposed to become this Ultimate Heylin force, why is she, presumably, going to be trained by Princess Kaila--a force of good--on how to use her powers? Shadow, Kaila, and Loniani-Nui--a dragon lady shapeshifter, Dragon Partner to Chase's older brother, and Chase's Monkhood crush--all have a yin-yang symbol somewhere on their body. Nui's is on her throat chakra, Kaila's is near her heart chakra, and Shadow's is on her third eye chakra. You can read more about the significance of these placements here.

All you really need to know about the significance of these placements is that the highest chakra--and thus enlightenment--is at the top of the head. Shadow, having her yin-yang on her third eye is the one closest to reaching that enlightenment of these three women. Xiaolin is based on Shaolin Buddhism, the main goal of the religion is to attain enlightenment. Since Dragon Warriors are able to fuse and link with their dragon partners, they definitely get very close to entering the state of nirvana. Or since it's a nonsensical kid's show, it might be better described as "an empowered, altered state of being one with the world and its' knowledge." There's not enough to go on at this point unfortunately.

To back up Shadow being secretly super powerful, @p-r-imeday had an exchange with series creator, Christy Hui, on instagram where Hui casually revealed that she just likes characters with really "big hair." Which explains a lot of the design choices in XC. The Heylin characters with the longest hair are Shadow, then Wuya, and then Chase. Chase even gets slightly longer hair when he goes super size and absorbs all the chi he possibly can. Wuya's hair is still slightly longer due to the tight curl at the end.

So Shadow already has some construct of what Evil is supposed to be in her mind, and she is willing to reinforce that ideal. Wuya, the only other major embodiment of yin, sees Shadow as a threat, albeit by association with Wuya's real target. And Shadow is the closest to enlightenment because of the placement of her yin-yang being so close to the crown chakra, in addition to her having the longest hair in canon, which makes her the most powerful being.

Shadow's role as the Ultimate Heylin Warrior would be to enforce a strict view of Evil onto the Heylin side. While XC did greatly limit the number of visibly active villains, the series as a whole is well known for having a plethora of antagonists who operated in evil areas, but relatively outside the Xiaolin-Heylin conflict. Shadow would essentially be out there saying, "Hey, if you're going to use that Wu you gotta fight the Xiaolin Order. Or Else." She would also be required to show up to fight Evils that don't fit her strict interpretation of what "Evil" is, thus aiding the side of good.

I describe it best here, in that the best way to paint the world grey is to start with pure white and pure black, and constantly have them mixing with each other. Because at the end of the day, the world Dashi has created through his actions is one in which very few dots of black are allowed to exist, while the Xiaolin Order stands blinding in its' light.

Without Shadow forcing people who want to use Wu to enter the fray, XC leaves us with Jack, Wuya, and... Tiny Sim? Sim isn't interested in Wu at all, and Jack was only in it due to Wuya (Salvadore serves Wuya, so I'm not mentioning him in this list). The Xiaolin Order has five Monks being trained to become Dragon Warriors. It's grossly imbalanced. Shadow is needed to correct that balance. And thus, a proper, balanced world order would be achieved.

TL;DR:

Shadow is the most powerful being in all of XC because she has really long hair.

[foximator-blog]

Even though my Redesigns of "Mega man Dr Wily's Final Attack!" didn't get much attention, I'm going to show my Redesigns of the robot masters from "Mega man Rocks!" A game created by Eric Ruth. Eric made this game as a joke so at times the level layouts and programming is a bit infuriating, but I honestly just want to work on the robot designs. At the end of this post, I have a link to a full play through of the game, but be warned that the music can be hard to listen to.

Snow Man☃️

Snow man is a robot that does look like a literal snow man, but mixed with a snow plow. Originally his arms were just the snow pusher and his head would lift up to reveal his Snow blower attack. For the redesign I made his body a bit more rounded, gave him arms, and a smaller snow shovel. Snow men make me think of Christmas, so I added a bit of red and green. His head lifting up to reveal the snow blower felt off to me, so instead I made his hat lift up. Originally in the game his weakness is Repo claw since he's part vehicle, but I don't think heavy treads work the same as tires, so I made him weak to Fire popper instead, since heat melts snow (plus, I feel his room layout could hint at it being his weakness). This is the only weakness chain where I mix it up a bit. My version of Snow blower would still work like the original, It's a fairly decent weapon that fires a short range but multi-hitting blast of snow.

Mechanic Man🔧

Originally named "Repair man" (as all robots are supposed to have pun names related to professions and such in this game) I decided to redesign him with extra tool arms and made up in his lore that he's made for testing a new experimental tool which Wily decides to weaponize after stealing him. He's originally weak to the Fire weapon, but in my new chain he's weak to Snow Blower, since his prototype phase design hasn't been properly weather proofed yet. His original weapon, Repair blast, is usually just a boring and semi slow projectile that heals enemies rather than harming them, and only interacts with machinery, which is interesting... but makes it not really a weapon. The Laser Wrench takes what was interesting about the Repair blast, but adds three aditional perks: armor piercing, upwards aiming, and the ability to heal Mega man at the cost of high energy consumption, like the original it still interacts with machinery too.

Anchor Man ⚓

Anchor Man originally had an airmen body type like he does here, but that was it really... he was just a round boi who could swim and drop sinking scrap metal for apparently no reason... so I took his shape and worked with it a bit more. His face is now the bottom hull of a boat/submarine, and whenever he swims up you can see that his back is the top of a ship. Why does he drop scrap? Now he has a hatch where he collects scrao and cleans the ocean. Originally he's weak to repair blast, but only when shooting the scrap and turning it into sea mines that float back up to hurt him, which is actually cool. I kept that weakness, but since Laser Wrench can pierce through his armor and won't heal him you don't have to rely on a single attack phase just to hit him with it. His weapon now works a little differently too. Instead of just being a boring projectile, it can also be aimed up a bit so it bounces.

Door Man🚪

Door man actually had a fairly nice design to begin with, so I just added my own little touch ups and focused more on explaining why he has a screen wiping flash attack and a rotating body. In my lore, he's a hotel managing robot with a rotating body for multitasking, but when Wily kidnaps him and modifies him for Combat, he decides to install experimental quantum Technology, which even baffles Door man himself. His weapon now called Quantum Door instead of Door Stopper still has a screen wiping flash, but my buff allows mega man to warm a short distance so it's not just a Centaur flash clone. His weakness is still Steel Anchor, as a heavy anchor makes a good battering ram and he wasn't made to be armored or heavy to begin with.

Police Man🔰

I was stuck on this one admittedly, so he ended up being heavily inspired by Fake man's concept art when redesigning him. During his boss fight he can fly for some reason with no visual indicator that he's able to, so I gave him a jetpack that Wily installed after kidnapping him. In the lore he's a good well intentioned cop, but he's a bit too serious and has a habit of jumping to conclusions, and getting extremely embarrassed and apologetic when he realizes he's done so. Originally he's weak to Hit Man's weapon, but his shield protects him from that super effectively, so I made him weak to Quantum Door instead. Even a shield is no match for a distortion of space. His weapon is unchanged, but has the added buff of destroying projectiles completely, even while being thrown.

Mercenary Man❌

He actually had a very cool design as well, but I decided to add my own creative twist to it and made him Cyclopic, with a target eye. In my lore he's actually built by Wily, not stolen, and was made to have very incredible and lethal aim. His weapon remains unchanged, as a target reticle that summons a bullet storm once it lands on a target is really epic. While he was originally weak to Door, he's now Weak to Badge barrier, based on the fact I gave it the projectile destroying buff and all of his attacks are projectile based.

Repo Man🗜

Repo man was originally kind of your generic Guts man styles big boi, but I added some extra traits like a backwards cap and parts based on cars. In his lore I made up, he's made to dismantle cars, but he loves to collect car parts, and has a keen interest in Turbo man. Originally he's weak to Police, but I decided to make him weak to Target Tag instead. Both play on the fact car repossession can sometimes be a shady business, you can sometimes get in trouble with the law, or make dangerous enemies. His weapon is also pretty solid and left unchanged, a powerful spiked clamp that can grab items is always nice.

Pipe Man🔥

Pipe man was originally named Fire man, so out of the eight robots he was the one who definitely needed a name change. While he is a hydrant, I also didn't want to name him that since that would imply he attacks with water. So I looked up Firefighting related words, and came across a page explaining Fire fighting slang, and found a slang term that fit with Eric's original profession pun style: Pipe man, the Fire fighter who runs right up to the Fire with the hose (Fire fighters refer to the hose as a pipe). While keeping his hydrant design, I gave him only one hose arm, a fire fighter helmet, boots and gloves based on a fire fighter, and a lore explinaton for his odd balloon weapon. When not fighting flames, Pipe man would exchange his water tank for a helium tank because he loves showing kids around the station and handing out balloons, but then Wily kidnapped him, using a flammable gas to weaponize both his hose arm and balloons. Originally he's weak to Snow Blower, but instead he's now Weak to Repo claw, since the clamp could pop his balloons and rip up his hose. His weapon also remains unchanged as a balloon that pops into a shower of fire upon contact with a surface or enemy is really cool.

Sorry if this post got long, I actually really loved redesigning these robots because while Eric made the game as a joke, I still kind of like the themes he went with for his robots. Here's that play through of the game I mentioned at the beginning, did I do Eric's bots justice?

https://youtu.be/-0VXAGhPXm4

[theonlyjourneythatmatters]

Another day, another pound

So I know I said I was going to post yesterday, but I had a very long day and I was tired, so I didn't feel like it. I've struggled this week with motivation and energy and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because of this heat- I don't know.

But with that said, I'm here now. And I've learned a few things! As I've said before, I am no expert and do not claim to be. I just know what's been working for me and that I can share that knowledge and experience with ya'll. So here we go.

What I learned this week:

It's better to get your bulk calories in at the beginning of the day. Breakfast should be your heaviest calorie meal. If you prefer a light breakfast, then focus your calories at lunch. This is because you're more likely to work off those calories during the day than you are at night after dinner. I know a lot of people prefer a heavy dinner- but this is a major reason why that weight doesn't come off like you want it to. You're not burning off those dinner calories!

Everything you do burns calories. Well, I didn't JUST learn this- I've known this. But for some reason, it didn't click! So don't think ONLY strenuous exercise will help you burn calories. Of course, exercise will help you burn them faster in a shorter amount of time, but if you can't get to the gym every day, you're still burning calories.

My apple watch tracks everything. I wear it from the time I get up in the morning til I'm ready to lay down for the night. And what's better than counting my steps? It counts the calories burned, too! Adding this at the end of the night helps me keep a better estimate of what I've taken in vs put out for the day for calories. Do yourself a favor- invest in something that keeps track of that (watch, fitbit, etc). It is well worth the money especially for weight loss.

Sundays are for meal-prep!!!

I meal prep for the following week(s) on Sundays. I typically prep every other Sunday for my work lunches. I do -not- meal prep for dinners.

Every Sunday, I prep my snacks for the week (usually strawberries and blue berries). If there's a new item I want to eat, I'll prep that up as well. Today, I wanted to add cabbage soup to the work lunch mix. SO, that's what I did. I made it in the instant pot, so this is the instant pot recipe- but this can be adapted for a regular stove top. I included pictures for reference so ya'll can see the sizes.

I also decided to meal-prep some breakfast; which I do not normally do. But the meal replacement shakes don't seem to be working as well as they had been previously, so I'm going to retire them for a bit.

Cabbage Soup

Ingredients:

2 heads cabbage, medium; chopped in large chunks

3 pieces of thick sliced bacon (I used Great Value brand); chopped and cooked

1 15oz can tomato sauce (Great Value)

1 bag Premium matchstick carrots (Bolthouse Farms- 3.5 oz bag)

1 sweet Vidalia onion, medium size; chopped in small pieces

1 tbsp. of the following: course sea salt, ground black pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, Slap ya Mama Cajun seasoning (or Tony Cacheres- I like my soup to have a bit of a kick, but you can decrease or increase this amount to suit your tastes)

7 cups water (divided- explained in steps)

Directions:

Put the instant pot on sauté and set for 20 minutes. Chop the 3 pieces of bacon into bite sized pieces and begin to cook them until brown. (I cooked mine a little longer so the crisp wasn't completely lost in the soup)

While the bacon is cooking, start cutting up both heads of cabbage. Cut them into 1-1 & 1/2 inch chunks after removing the core. Set aside in large bowl.

Once the bacon is cooked to your liking, add 1/2 cup of water to "deglaze" the pot. This gets up all of that stuck-to-the-bottom flavor that you need. DO NOT DRAIN THE BACON. We need the grease.

Begin to add the cabbage a hand full at a time, making sure it mixes with the water and bacon pieces. Allow each batch to wilt down some before adding the next batch. Continue with the cabbage until it's all incorporated. Once complete, add 1/2 cup of water.

Add the carrots and mix with the cabbage and bacon mixture.

Add all of your seasonings into 1 cup of water and pour over the top of the cabbage. You can mix it now if you want to, or you can wait.

Set the instant pot to pressure cook, and set for 10 minutes. Once the 10 minutes is passed, allow the pot to Natural Release for another 10 minutes. After the Natural Release is done, use the manual release. * NOTE: this is a dish with a good amount of liquid. Use a potholder to dish towel to put over the valve when you do the manual release to avoid any splattering liquids.

Once the pressure is released, stir the soup and taste test it. Add any seasonings you feel like it may need.

Chop the onion into small pieces and add it to the soup. Add the entire can of tomato soup, and 5 more cups of water. Stir well. Pressure cook for another 2 minutes and allow to Natural Release for another 10 minutes. Give it one last stir and taste test, and enjoy!

Step one: Sauté the bacon. Ya'll see all that bacony flavored goodness stuck to the bottom?? We WANT that.

Step two: Cut the cabbage. Size isn't that important- but you do want bigger pieces as cabbage likes to shrink!

Step Four & Five: Mix the cabbage and carrots and allow to wilt a little bit

Finished product: big bowl of deliciousness

This recipe yields 20 cups of soup, which is 10 full servings. There are 48 calories and and 4.8g of proteins in a single cup of soup- but I recommend 2 cups being the serving size.

*This recipe can be changed to fit your specific needs. I do not add meat to mine other than the bacon, but you can add chicken, stew meat, etc. You can also add different veggies. I sometimes add canned diced tomatoes but I didn't have any today. Just be mindful of the added calories and adjust the recipe to reflect that (especially if you're using a calorie counter that allows you to create customized meals).

I got 6 meals out of it (would have been the full 10 but I only had 6 available soup bowls); my husband and I had a bowl each, and so did my son. There was some left but no one wanted it so it got thrown out. It was delicious and filling. And the best part? SUPER low on calories! Most soups are; and I will be adding more to my blog as I make them! I make a knock-off Olive Garden Zuppa Toscano, so that might be my next endeavor!

Breakfast:

For this meal-prep, I used eggs, Conecuh sausage links, bacon (same as the one I used for the soup), and sausage patties.

Breakfast # 1: Scrambled eggs, thick sliced bacon, and Conecuh sausage

Ingredients

2 eggs, scrambled

1 tsp butter (I used Country Crock Churn Style)

1 tsp shredded cheese (I used shredded Colby and Monterey jack Great Value brand)

1 oz Conecuh sausage (you can use any type of sausage- I just prefer this brand)

1.5 slices of thick cut bacon (Great Value brand)

Course sea salt

Ground black pepper

Directions

Make 2 eggs, scrambled with butter and whatever seasonings of your choice

Add the cheese to the eggs when they're almost done cooking

Cook the bacon in the air fryer for 6 minutes (time varies depending on how crispy you like your bacon)

Cook the Conecuh in the air fryer for 7 minutes

Put the eggs in to a freezer-safe bowl

Cut the Conecuh and bacon into smaller pieces and put on top

Freeze

This recipe yields 1 full serving. It has 295 calories and 20.5 grams of protein.

Breakfast 2: Scrambled eggs, Conecuh sausage, and sausage patties

Ingredients

eggs, scrambled

1 tsp butter (I used Country Crock Churn Style)

1 tsp shredded cheese (I used shredded Colby and Monterey jack Great Value brand)

2 sausage patties (I used Tennessee Pride)

1 oz Conecuh sausage (any brand, this one is just my preference)

Course sea salt

Ground black pepper

Directions

Make 2 eggs, scrambled with butter and whatever seasonings of your choice

Add the cheese to the eggs when the eggs are almost done cooking

Cook the sausage patties in the air fryer for 8 minutes or until cooked through

Cook the Conecuh in the air fryer for 7 minutes

Put the eggs in to a freezer-safe bowl

Cut the Conecuh and sausage patties into smaller pieces and put on top

Freeze

This recipe yields 1 full serving. It has 481 calories and 29.6g of protein.

But enough of the recipes......

Like I stated previously, it's important to get the bulk of your calories during the day so you have the opportunity to burn them off. I've just been walking. I walk at work, I walk around the house- when I shop, that's when I get a lot of steps in.

Granted, walking doesn't burn a lot of calories. However, if you have your tracker on, throughout the entire day, you'll have burned at least 1 full meal off. It is also especially important to stay hydrated. Water no only helps with cutting down muscle pain (when you exercise), drinking a full 8 oz of water before each meal and after can help you feel fuller faster, and feel fuller longer.

I purchased a QuiFit 1 Gallon Water Bottle from Amazon. It arrived today and I plan to use it at work. I have the worst time drinking enough at work. The water from the sink tastes funny. We have a fountain that fills water bottles, but and don't always remember to bring a bottle of water that I can refill later. The simplest solution was to buy a water bottle and keep it at work.

I think that's all for today, guys. I have school work to do! I'll make a post later next week (unless something cool happens before then that I need to mention) that details what types of foods I eat for dinner since I do not meal prep those.

Have a great day, and thanks for reading!

XOXO, Lauren <3

[shriracha]

I felt unusually well and active recently. Today too. Feeling very light, as if I lost weight, but I didn't actually (also I'm in first days of new cycle, so according to Internet I shouldn't feel well). So out of idleness I took mania test, and hit minimum (54 points) for SEVER MANIA. The fuck? I expected neurotypical result, so I kinda hyperbolised answers, but it seems like even If i wouldn't, I'd still hit at least mild mania. Like, indeed I feel anxious, and nervous, but I don't feel bad. Or is it always the case?

I'll retake same test rn, 30.11.20.

I retook it, it's moderate/sever mania now (48 points).

笑笑笑

Well I'm pretty doubtful about this result. I'd answer to many answers maniacally in almost any point of my life, except rare apathetic episodes (usually linked to weeks of loneliness, like in childhood or first years in Prague). I rather think I'm in abnormal mood when I'm apathetic.

:

- Pleasure to talk and talk.

I like talking! I get smtms tired of it, but I can talk for straight 4 hours daily easily.

- More new ideas than I can handle.

Ideas constantly flow into my mind, I just write them down and rarely fulfil. Maybe I shouldn't answer that I can't handle it? I sometimes return to them, when I feel creative.

- Irritable.

I'm always irritable. Only in a few hours after good sex or food or dancing, or very exhausted, I am not easily irritable.

- Easy to think of jokes and funny stories

Lol well maybe I'm over confident about it 笑 but I think I often crack jokes with friends. Though I rarely joke around colleagues, since I'm usually not in playful mood at work + I don't talk to colleagues that much to understand what jokes would work.

- Thinking about sex

Isn't it normal to think about sex at least once a day? And this questionnaire is about last week! Whole week! Who wouldn't think about sex during the whole week? I'm amazed!

Btw I've feeling a bit less horny last week so I I answered "somewhat", but normally I'd answer at least "moderately" 笑

- Spending too much money.

Uhm, I think I spent much on food delivery last week, so "Moderately". But imo compared to my friends I normally don't spend that much. Or not. Idk. Hard to compare cause either I earn more, or I have to spend less (don't have to pay rent/credits). Like, smtms friends buy kinda expensive clothes or get taxis when they could go by bus/walk (and be late 笑 I usually pick being late over taxi 笑) but I spend more on food /hobby items (and I can spend more on buying cheap clothes).

- Attention keeps jumping from one ides to another

Basically repeating a question about "new ideas, can't handle"

So yeah. I am always like that. Always kinda manic, if i got logic of the test.

The rest, more manic than usually:

- mind is sharp

Purely subjective observation, I didn't solve logic puzzles or equtons recently, just feel sharp.

- particularly happy.

I'm happy. Satisfied by current conditions + not (yet?) bored by stability + unusually energetic (but far from productive 笑).

Btw I blame hyperenergy for unproductiveness. Hard to focus on paper.

- more active than usual

Well, maybe rather than being more active, I'm doing routine with more pleasure than usually.

- feeling like the life of a party

Again, subjective, maybe due to overconfidence.

- feeling full of energy

Yas, totally.

Rest questions don't fit me at all.

I'll try to remember to retake https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/mania-quiz/ when I'd feel down. Maybe I actually need consulting 笑