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#i want people to see this im tagging everything
sakuraspoke · 2 days
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crying is crucial // papa emeritus iv x gn!reader
summary: after trying to keep your emotions under control, you finally break down. copia finds you & tries to comfort you in your pain.
tags/details: sfw. 960 words. angst & emotional hurt/comfort, reader is depressed - their past hurt is alluded to but not detailed. it's basically just copia being a soft, loving angel & knowing exactly what to say.
full transparency - i wrote this during a recent low, after a conversation with a friend, as an attempt to express what i wish someone (namely copia) would say to me in a moment like this. hopefully it resonates in some way & brings some comfort if you need it 🖤
dedicated to sweetest one @conjuring-ghouls for being my ✨ test reader ✨ and really encouraging me. thank you for talking me out of my comfort zone, friend.
a big thank you to @gothdaddyissues for the dividers & to @foxybouquet whose brilliant italian masterlist is incredibly informative & has taught me so many precious new words.
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You hadn't cried like this in a long time.
It wasn't unusual for you to feel down. Depression was something you'd lived with for as long as you could remember, but for the most part you managed to keep it at arm's length and not let it rule your life.
Today, though... Today was different.
You don't know what triggered it exactly. All you know is that since you woke up this morning, you had been haunted by that familiar lump in your throat, that burning sensation behind your eyes, the telltale signs of lingering sadness ready to spill over, and just tried to stave it off long enough to get through the day. Until, curled in a ball on your bed that night, you let it happen. You let the sobs come and the tears fall, soaking the side of your face and the pillow underneath you.
And that's how he finds you.
"Darling," you hear Copia call from the hallway, "Where are you amo-"
Shit. You hadn't heard him come in.
He knew you struggled, he knew about the anxiety and the sadness that lived somewhere within you, but he'd never witnessed you in this state. And while everything in you is screaming to not let him see you so broken... you can't move. The sadness weighs you down like an anvil in your chest and you remain where you are, pulling your legs in tighter to yourself as if to become smaller. To disappear.
"Amore?" he says quietly as he steps into the room, softly gasping when he spots you, your body wracked by sobs. He's quickly at your side, trying to disguise the panic in his voice as he asks, "What is it?"
You can only sniffle in response. Your words evading you.
"Oh, amore..." he whispers. You feel his weight shift on the bed as he lays down beside you, brushing your hair from your face and gently encouraging you to look at him. "Please... Talk to me."
You take his gloved hand and hold it against your cheek, still silent, just focusing on the feeling of him while you gather yourself. You can't quite manage to look at him yet, but after a few quiet moments you speak.
"I've just been thinking about how... hard it's all been..." you tell him, your voice slightly hoarse.
"How hard what has been, tesoro?" Copia softly encourages, stroking your tear-stained cheek with his thumb.
"My... life," you say between shallow breaths. "Sometimes... sometimes I wonder why... why all these bad things have... happened and I just..."
Oh no. It's happening. What was left of any kind of composure is gone. Your chest heaves and you begin to choke on your sobs as you try to explain yourself.
"It feels like i-it should be... easy by n-ow. People tell me I'm so strong and... I a-am but... I don't want to... h-have to be... all the ti-ime..."
Copia just listens, offering a gentle shhhh when your tears overcome your words again, pulling your body closer to his and laying your head on his chest. You stay like that for a little while, with him gently stroking your face, your arms, your hair, as you try to follow the soft pattern of his breathing to calm your own.
"We all need to cry sometimes, amore mio," he offers gently, breaking the silence. "It's... You see, cuoricino, I could sit here for hours and tell you how strong you are, how capable and bright you are. I could tell you over and over again how well you're doing, or how I admire you... and all of these things are true, sì? But, sometimes..." he pauses, choosing his words carefully. "Sometimes what you really need to hear is, 'That's right. Those things weren't fair, and you are allowed to cry about it'. In fact, you need to cry about it. È cruciale!" he states, the sing-song inflection in his final word breaking through the fog and making you giggle.
But then you really take his words in, overwhelmed by the warmth with which he speaks to you and, as hard as you try to keep it together, you can't help but break down again.
With this Copia sits up slightly, and wordlessly guides your legs over his so he can cradle you properly. He feels your pain so acutely that it makes his heart ache, but he knows he needs to be steady for you right now.
"I'm here," he tells you, his voice shaking slightly, immediately betraying his intended steadiness. "I've got you... This is okay. You're okay... You're okay," he whispers, rocking you gently. "You are strong, amore. Of course you are strong... But you don't need to think about that right now. All you need to do is sit here with me, and let yourself feel what you feel."
So you do. Safe in the arms of your Papa, you let yourself feel. When another wave of sobs overwhelms you, Copia just holds you tighter and continues to rock you against his body. The voice in the back of your mind telling you that you don't deserve this love threatens to rear its ugly head but right now you're too far away to hear it. Not even the loudest, ugliest corners of your insecurity are a match for the peace you feel with him.
You're not sure how long you're there for, but Copia never stops holding you. The physical crash after such an intensely emotional episode hits you hard and you feel your body becoming heavier, imploring yourself to just go to sleep and draw a line under this day. Just as you are drifting off, you hear him quietly repeat himself.
"I've got you. You're okay."
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rogdona · 10 hours
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Hi rogi I have come back and i feel like sending a couple questions through one ask tho
Soo
1 from the new book “the lightning spawn” who is your favorite character you can go off looks if you haven't read or forgot the story
2 Could you draw jeremy? The sheep
3 how ya doing I've been gone for some time and i see that there is some drama still flying around
If you don't know something from the book i will be here to tell you as well
Btw i am asking about the new book now because when it came out i wanted to give it some time before talking about it but i forgot. Also the book was created due to a depressive episode striking me so i was just writing everything while at home and it helped a lot but that also led to me not wanting to bother people with it
HI ERICKKKKKK GLAD UR BACK HOWS IT GOING??💕🙌💕🙌
ive been good!! and yeah sucks theres still anons around, hopefully theyll leave ppl alone soon
i had read the story, and wanted to reread it to give u a full answer but im having trouble finding it through the tag system😭😭 ANYWAYS I LOVE EMIL!!!!! THE COOLEST EVER!!
and yesss!! here u go!!
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conceptofjoy · 2 days
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Genuine question, why do you ship dirkhal? I thought it was like, infamously an incest ship to most people. Has this changed? Even the tag is full of a bunch of people who just group it in with stridercest which, wow. I'm mostly wondering if there is something I'm missing since I'm not too interested in either of the characters and their developments, and am sure as most Homestuck characters go, there's a lot of ways to interpret them. You also don't have to reply to this if it's too uncomfortable of a question!
guhh i mean. fucking ur clone's different than fucking ur twin because you're your clone and had the life leading up to the divergence (and even post divergence). i mean i could go into a rant wondering why tf people drop common decency at the internet door to not ship pedophilic nor incestuious stuff but like we prolly have the same thoughts. i fuckin hate the dirkhal tag too :(
as for character reasons as to ship dirkhal i def have a lot :] im kinda playing fast and loose with the term ship bc they rlly have a complicated thing going on. i use ship because its mainly because of the extreme intimacy of knowing almost everything another person's thinking as well as their insecurities and vulnerabilities. but also because of the divergences and misunderstandings only being so confident in knowing the other guy can bring.
hal wants dirk to trust him, dirk hates being reminded of himself every time he looks at hal. dirk cant see the differences in hal because he hypocritically only sees himself (after saying that they're different guys and recognizing hal's emotions) and hal refuses to give himself a break in accepting that he is infact a different guy and not an unfeeling robot. seeing how they dance around each other is frustrating to watch but also verrrry much the appeal.
because dirk's self loathing/disgust makes him unable to go to others for help, hal ends up becoming his help. but dirk also hates who is helping him (who he thinks he sees) and withdraws from that. hal is entirely dependent on dirk and wants to make his life easier on himself (and does lowkey care abt him). he doesnt project his own self loathing on dirk, just his trepidation on how he's treated him. he bottles up his own emotion's and lets its miasma leak out in every snarky "well im shades" comment he makes. hal would genuinely help dirk out, but he pushes buttons cause he's so worn out and wary of dirk's antics, causing dirk to withdraw faster than touching a hand to a flame. just awesome guys im gonna tear my hair out.
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xoxo-fm · 10 months
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‼️MIMIC SWEEP‼️
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Welcome to L’manburg, as told by the various home videos filmed by its first residents
Hi, Hello!! Welcome to the beginning of my first Big Boi Project.I love practical effects and VHS cameras and Ive been wanting to learn how to edit and make videos so I decided to make a fun project out of it to make it funner to learn! So the plan is to make Home video style videos of clips I find funny from available vods. Anyways this is the first time ive ever filmed and edited a video all by myself, and although the audio is super low and wack, Im very proud of it, so now imma rant about the making of the trailer lol
Ive been planning this for like 3 months and I wanted it all done by August 2nd but im bad at time management so now its going to be done in parts, slowly, overtime since i work a full time job. If you noticed in the first part, there’s two voices, and I did that completely by accident, I wanted wilburs dramatic speech from after pogtopia, but that didnt really fit with what i Filmed so i recorded a clip form the festival, but I forgot to mute the original Pogtopia clip so they recorded together, and I decided to keep it since it seemed cool to see the contrast and parallels between the first and second speech. Also the audio bits where they all came together took me so long but I really love it, especially since I ended it with tuboo saying “our president fucked a fish?”, its too low to hear tho :’D. The ending where wilburs walking down that path also took me so many shots because my headphones kept falling out and it was honestly the worst time of my life since it was hot and I was walking for an hour to find that pathway lol, the place I went to was very pretty though! I just realized that you can barely perceive the walls, I spent to much time adding little details and you cant even see them, we out here suffering. Video could also be better but converting from analog to digital and making it look good is hard, my setup for it is so scuffed the people at digitalfaq would be so dissapointed in me
I think thats kinda it for the rant, anyways if you see this thanks for reading!
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mishy-mashy · 2 months
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What point is there in ruling the world, if the people you want in it are already gone?
The goal to rule the world is hollow now. All For One wanted a world where everyone existed for his sake.
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Yet, the one person (possession) he wanted most by his side, as the one whose dreams inspired him to find his own, and the first person AFO declared them to, is already gone.
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songofsaraneth · 7 months
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tv show reccomendation: Scavengers Reign!
adult animated series on HBO Max about survivors of a spaceship wreck surviving on an alien planet, a pal originally pitched it as "Nausicaa meets Annihilation vibes" in terms of whimsy + body horror elements, and I think that both fits and is a compelling way to describe it. the plot isn't the most in depth but I think that allows the show to wrap everything up nicely in the 12 eps and maximize screen time on the best part which is the alien planet's ecology and worldbuilding.
it was also just very refreshing i feel like theres been a divide in western animation in recent years where a lot of "adult" shows are that way solely because they're crude/sexual/edgy, and meanwhile anything "whimsical" gets slotted into kid genres and is therefore limited in how far it can push anything. so its nice to get a show that balances whimsy with body horror elements without relying on like, sex or fart jokes.
also the last episode has a really gorgeous animation sequence nearish the end, you rarely see animation of earth-biology/geology/evolution done with such care and attention to detail, and it was really wonderful to see how much effort the writers/animators put into that aspect of the show and clearly loved it + wanted the viewer to love it too
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nandermoenthusiast · 9 months
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i dont think i will ever be over nandor tying guillermos cape with such care and focus. that moment its possibly my favourite from the finale NANDOR ACTS OF SERVICE GUY MAKES ME WANNA CLIMB A WALL and the way hes putting guillermo on equal ground now makes my heart grow 3 sizes
and to be honest i dont think they can go back to where they were before. for anyone whos worried. like yeah he told him “now clean up the body” after he reverted back to human but to me that was more like nandors brain going like. “i cooked now you clean”. he went through such a tremendous amount of work to help guillermo. he had the empathy to recognise the problem. he thought it through concocted a plan. he got the robes and the candles and he painted and hung those banners. he held a fakeass ceremony with all their friends and elders so it looked official. he then also comforted guillermo when he couldnt do it and staked derek himself without a second thought. so maybe its was more of a. i pulled you out of a very hairy situation. can you take care of the body now? (also it IS gonna be hard to let go of certain habits so maybe some comments like this are gonna slip out next season, but that is just because they are useless and in guillermos absence the house fucking imploded in one year lmao… maybe guillermo is gonna teach them how to take care of it themselves next season so they can split the workload and cute shenanigans will ensue)
i just dont think it was mean spirited on nandors part tbh. LAZLO even offered to help. i dont think that was just to have him in the next scene i dont think an unusual detail like that could be just for convenience. i do FULLY believe they are gonna all be on equal grounds next season. and thats gonna be so fucking delicious to me specifically
#to see a nandor and guillermo dynamic where nandor has freed himself from the inibitions of a master familiar dynamic? sign me up#he was so fucking warm and caring after he forgave him and idk if i can handle it GOD I LOVE IT#nandermo#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#comment#im making a post out of some of my tags in one of my queued posts bc i#want to put this thought out in the world#i saw a lot of people going now that guillermos human everythings back to the status quo!!! and im like#no the fuck i hope not!! their relationship has consistently moved in a new direction each season#familiar. bodyguard. best man. best friend. now they went through allllll the trouble of showing them having an equals relationship#they made nandor utter the words he will be living in this house as an equal from now on#and next season everythings gonna revert back?? i surely hope not#there is also to be considered from nandors standpoint that now guillermo truly has no more reason to stay. he really isnt a#familiar anymore because he presumably doesnt want to be a vampire anymore (?) so he has to consider#if he wants guillermo to stick around. its gonna have to be out of the love he has for them. and nandor needs to give him an incentive#which would be equal grounds with the vampires even though he isnt one#and guillermo is probably gonna be in such an existential crisis mode that hes not even gonna notice all the cute things nandor is doing#for him now for a WHILE. until he does and thats gonna be delicious#anyway. why do i keep making excellent points in the tags this could have been a post
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aq2003 · 8 months
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i feel murderous intent within my bones whenever i see someone calling ten whiny for his "i could do so much more" speech . do not ever talk about him ever again. EVER again. i am in your walls
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unforth · 8 months
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I. Hurt.
And I was hurting anyway, I'm pretty down this morning, but this hurt came from an outside source, and affected me in a way I'd honestly not have expected.
See, we bought Nimona last week. After seeing the movie, my kids wanted to read it. And I ended up reading ahead, and I just finished it.
Bonus content at the end, it said, and I was like, oh, an epilogue to the epilogue maybe? That'd be nice. I don't love bittersweet endings, I'd rather...
...no, it's not the conclusion.
It's CHRISTMAS.
In a book that'd had no religion that I noticed up to that point, BOTH bonus extras...were Christmas.
Ya know, usually it doesn't bother me. Usually I just suck it up. I think it helps that I was raised around mostly Jews and people who, if Christian, it didn't matter much to them. I'm from the Upper West Side of Manhattan, the descendent of Lower East Side immigrants, and while the world outside was brutal - my grandfather was a World War 2 veteran and among the soldiers who liberated Dachau, I can't remember a time when I didn't know that most people would look the other way if people like me were slaughtered wholesale - my bubble was safe, we were accepted, we were insiders.
I honestly can't think of another time I've interacted with a piece of media and felt so immediately, instantly knocked across the face by OUTSIDER as I just did when I excitedly turned the page to see what these fun extra bonuses were...and it was fucking Christmas.
I didn't even read them.
I'm honestly. So disappointed.
I don't have a thick armor for this kind of hurt. I'm Jewish, and as an adult living outside my old UWS bubble, that's often meant I've felt like an outlier, but I've hardly ever had this feeling where I was welcome to something only to be suddenly, violently shoved out the door.
And I've heard nothing, n.o.t.h.i.n.g. but praise for this book. And on another day, it might not have bothered me. I've never really felt like I had to fight to be seen, especially since I'm tremendously secular. I mean, I've celebrated Christmas my entire life, for starters.
But why. Why was this fantasy setting suddenly Christian? Why was this the touted extra content? Why is THIS special, when the areligious world established to that point was apparently not special enough?
I can't say yet if this ruined the story for me. It's far too soon. But I'm *intensely*, viscerally let down, and...I hurt.
Christians...maybe stop doing this shit.
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kizunarae · 2 months
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a mismatched mess: a fitz and molly essay
In my re-read of ROTE, I am struck again by the profound mismatch between Fitz and Molly. Neither complements the other, and their relationship is fraught with tension and incompatibility. However, what really compels me to write this is what seems to be the prevailing sentiment within the fandom that places the blame squarely on Fitz’s shoulders. I believe that this perspective is an oversimplification and rather unfair to Fitz. The demise of their relationship was not unilaterally caused by Fitz; rather, it was a shared unraveling.
I will be focusing solely on events up to the end of Royal Assassin, avoiding spoilers for subsequent books. I will put it under a read more as it will be long...
I want to disclaimer that while I may appear fairly critical of Molly's behavior, I do not think she did anything particularly wrong and do believe her emotions and reactions are largely justified. It is just precisely because of who she is (and who Fitz is) that I believe they are a bad match. Additionally, I think Fitz's wrongs have been hashed out extensively so I will only briefly touch on points I disagree with and not elaborate overmuch on his failures in their relationship.
I will begin with their first reunion in Royal Assassin. Fitz has just returned to the Keep after being on his deathbed for several months. Each person he encounters barely recognizes him through his wasted and sickly appearance. Fitz, embarrassed by his weakness, pulls a foolish move: he claims to be drunk when a passing serving girl—none other than Molly—crosses his path. His attempt to save face and avoid interaction turns futile. And yet, despite the evidence that Fitz is clearly sickly in appearance, Molly's first reaction is not concern. It is not to hear his side of the story nor to find out how he has been, nor consider anything that he may have gone through. Instead, she is focused only on her own experiences, and her own feelings and thus responds only with pure outrage and begins firing off accusations with misplaced anger.
Without basis, she accuses him of courting her and then abandoning her. I think many take this claim at face value, because "Fitz should have known what he was doing" (as Patience also intoned). However, let's consider the books have established a three-year age gap between Fitz and Molly. Thus, in Assassin's Apprentice, Fitz would have been begun "courting" Molly at around the age of 13-15 while Molly was 16-18. Even without viewing this through a modern lens, this claim feels like a stretch to me. Imagine expecting a young boy, barely schooled in social norms, to understand that strolling through town with a childhood friend equals courtship. No words or actions passed between them that indicated anything more than friendship. I believe Patience's scolding and instructions were fitting and commendable. However, Molly’s internalization of this narrative against Fitz seems misplaced and unfair, given her knowledge of their shared history and relationship.
Then, after he shares his concern for her about what he saw in his dream. She accuses him of purposely scheming and attempting to deceive her; that he must have heard her whole story in the tavern and is just making fun of her. This is again a very unfair characterization for her to place on Fitz; nothing she knows about him should indicate that he would do something like this at her expense.
She has a right to be upset that Fitz kept his true identity from her. But he also had a right to do so. She gave him no grace and despite his apparent weakened state, she did not allow him to give any explanations. Worse, because of how Fitz is, he immediately accepts her view of the situation and berates himself for not realizing the courtship, despite having had no tools of his own to recognize that. This pattern continues throughout their relationship.
And this, in essence, is what makes Fitz and Molly such a toxic pair. She accuses him of things he does not intend or cannot change, and he, like a sponge, absorbs them as truth, eroding his own perspective and identity. And on the other side, I believe Molly deserves someone who will challenge her. Someone to stretch her boundaries, broaden her horizons. A companion who could wholeheartedly dedicate their life to a family and business together in partnership. Because, while not necessarily a flaw, she has blinders on and focuses largely on her personal happiness and fulfillment. She does not want to bother with thinking of the realm, the raiders or the help other families may need. This is a chasm between her and Fitz, whose heart bleeds for his people's misfortune and feels a duty to his station and Kings. Instead of embracing and appreciating Fitz's compassionate heart and will to make the Six Duchies a better place, she frequently berates him and minimizes his feelings by accusing him of only being a mere king's pawn unable to think and choose for himself.
Especially as readers, we know this isn't the whole truth. We’ve witnessed Fitz’s tears for a dead child cradled in his arms, felt the fire of vengeance burning within him against the raiders. Molly has not, and yet, it does not seem she cares to know. To each of Fitz's explanations, she complains and argues. While we only get the taste of a few of these encounters, Fitz comments that it is a frequent topic of contention between them.
Molly wants Fitz to fit into her mold and she wants what makes her happy to be what makes him happy. She longs for the days when Fitz was only Newboy. She says she just doesn't understand the things he tells her, and yet I feel this is the same "not understanding" that Fitz employs with the Fool; in fact, it is very much understood, it is just not what they want to acknowledge as truth. Because Fitz is not Newboy, and because she subconsciously blames Fitz for not being Newboy, she thus does not put in effort to know and accept Fitz for who he is. I do not consider her calling Fitz as Newboy throughout Royal Assassin a simple nickname; to me it speaks of Molly desperately trying to reverse time and put Fitz back in the box she liked him best in.
I think exactly how little Molly knows Fitz is further illustrated by the Nighteyes-as-Fitz scene. It is a weird and, in some ways, humorous scene, but what struck me is how Molly appears to know Fitz so poorly that she did not sense anything amiss about an intimate encounter with a literal wolf in Fitz-clothing.
Returning to Fitz's identity and 'lies' throughout their relationship, I personally do not believe that Fitz owed her the truth of his identity from the beginning. It was a deeply personal matter and I believe it was not wrong for him to keep it private. As a young boy, he felt his status as a bastard was deeply shameful, and it is no wonder he would not share it. In my opinion, he would have a duty to disclose if he had truly begun to court her, however he was never given this chance.
So, did he continue to lie after his identity was revealed to her? I do not believe so. He shares much with her about what he does, and about Verity and King Shrewd. It is not a question to me that he would not be able to disclose every detail of what he knows; his knowledge of his kingdom's affairs and his identity as an assassin are not entirely his secrets to share. There are surely modern equivalents of this as well. It is hardly unusual to be unable to share some portions of one's work with one's partner. However, Molly deems this as unacceptable and unforgiveable, despite her lack of interest in what he does— a further inherent incompatibility in their relationship. Instead of offering understanding and support for the isolation that Fitz must feel for being in such a position with his Kings, she resents him for things he has no real power to change. Keep in mind if he had left the Kings' protection at the time, his life would surely have been threatened as Chivalry's was lost. Molly should be able to understand this, and yet she cannot see past her current unhappiness.
In her time at the Keep, Molly also puts a large amount of pressure on Fitz. She is out of her element, she has had a traumatic experience, she knows no one at court. And so, she often complains to Fitz that he doesn't spend more time with her. In a very unhealthy way, she attempts to force him to be everything for her at the Keep— her only social outlet, her support, her protector. Due to this, her resentment for Fitz and his choices grows with every moment he is not with her, and she spends much of their time together asking him to turn away from who and what he is to start a life together.
In the end, both hold the other up as idealized versions one could never hope to fulfil; Molly wants Fitz without his royalty or passion for his people. Fitz yearns for Molly, stripped of independence, her self-driven, entrepreneurial nature tucked away. In their relationship, they offer only moments of fleeting comfort punctuated by feelings of sadness and blame. They cannot fulfill each other's expectations. Molly is unable to bolster Fitz's confidence in himself and the peace and acceptance he desperately craves remain elusive. And likewise, Fitz cannot offer Molly purpose or allow her the sense of security she desires under which to prosper her business and family.
And so, these two are ill-matched and ill-fated, clinging through each other to the last vestiges of a childhood they wish they did not have to leave behind. 
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rose022 · 1 year
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GUYS LOOK MIZUENA
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omfg actually ive been working on this for literal months, like over half a year. i just never get motivated to actually draw esp not digital. uhh but i hope you guys don't hate it. like ik there is stuff i coulda fixed up still but like im just happy its done. i love them so much. and drawing is so hard for me. but still fun!! i just don't often share my stuff cus im not usually proud of it.
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rapidhighway · 5 months
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awesome long post about sonic and shadow you love finished by mentioning untagged sonadow in the last sentence to piss you off
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jrueships · 6 days
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What are the psychosexual consequences of the twolves dominance right now
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mmm.. i have been Chewing on this...
for quite some time .
so this is a thought i have always had tbh. These playoff results so far have just been bolstering my confidence in it.
Ant and Kat's love is loud love.
The Suns love is no love. Not that they dont have any love At All, because they do. But for each other? Im not so sure. The Suns is Men doing it all for the image of finally being champions so they can prove themselves to the people OUTSIDE their team.
The nuggets is domestic love. It's quiet, it's comfortable, it's won a championship, it's retired love. Retired does Not mean dead, it does not mean completely inactive, it means slower moving, at a personal pace, enjoying what you find to be the thing you wouldn't mind dying doing. Jokic and Jamal don't have to say they're in love 24/7 to let us know they're in love. Jokic doesn't have to talk about horses all the time to reporters for reporters to find out how much he actually does from him always going back to visit them. It's quiet, but it's so strong that it doesn't have to be anything but quiet to know
The mavs is a love built on respect. Wordless, they know they can depend on the other no matter what troubles the other may be dealing with or how much is happening, they Know someone will always be there to get the job done. They KNOW it's not a waste, whatever they're doing .
Kat Needs positive reinforcement, reminisces on it, dreams for it, grows restless and angered without it. Gets real self-conscious and starts faking everything to seem like he has everything so people can start treating him like he's not just some everybody in the world, but a SOMEbody in the world, someone whose opinions, thoughts, actions, and.. possibly most importantly.. WORDS will always be remembered as a meaningful contribution to the world.
Ant is a people pleaser. But he's not the meek, 'let your favorite teacher pronounce your name wrong until the grave' people pleaser where it can be pointed out as a problem, he's a Clever one. He's the kind of people pleaser who can step into a room and spotlight the targets that need the most self-value.. all so He can assure his Own self-value, and protect it. Because, ultimately, the phrase 'everybody loves Anthony edwards' is all about Anthony Edwards, which should be obvious, right? The answer's smack dab in front of your face, but the Confidence. The charisma of it all. Covers it. Conceals it just briefly, just enough for him to get away with it. Ant always knows what to say without even thinking twice. He's such a charmer. Except he's not. He's Always thinking, always brewing up the best ways to become a spectacle. Why even video himself saying that slur shit in the first place? Why not just keep that between him and his friend in the car like probably a good chunk other basketball players do ( because let's be honest. These are probably pretty straight men. They hate people like us. )
He can't. That wouldn't give him the best results in the kind of satisfaction he craves, which is all self based, when boiled down. He HAS to not only impress his one friend in the car with his in power teasing of others who don't even have a clue, he has to try and impress Everyone that he's included in his circle, and he just accidentally included the wrong crowd in that.
Ant and kat together are just two self-conscious people who like being together so they don't feel like they're two self-conscious people who like being together. Love can come in multiple forms, but, in my opinion, love oftentimes needs multiple forms to be at its strongest. When you pour all your love into one bucket, it leaves the others hollow. Love can be quiet, and it can be loud, it can be through words, through actions, through the easy times, AND the hard times, it is love.
I like to call Kat and ant the warped jaren and ja bcs unlike jaren and ja where it can all get spoiled from jaren saying something stupid like 'i love you' when they ARE in love and are just uncomfortable saying it, kat and ant NEED to say they're in love so they can feel like they aren't in it. It being Actual love, deep love that requires more than just pretty words and over-the-top compliments and sayings and comparisons and declarations. Actual love like ant going to kat's house and bringing the rest of the team because he knows kat misses having a stable family, hates the fact that something is missing and he'll never get it back.
Actual love like being awkward with each other
Which they Hate. Terribly. The two of them.
So they'll say how much they're in love with the other, how fondly they think about their memories, how they're so close. They'll tease and laugh and try to instruct the other. And the media laps it up, of course. Especially over the quiet love. It's just so boring in comparison.
Love is thrilling, and it is also boring. Like doing menial activities together like watching the news when you two could actually be the ones on it by doing something crazy together, but you don't, and you aren't, because you both agreed it's going to be a cozy day today where you'll both just be a cute pair of couch potatoes on a sofa watching TV together.
Ant and kat CANT be boring. They CANT just sit in that silence together. They have to say something. They have to know the other doesn't consider them a waste of their time because they don't have that same assurance in themselves.
Love is being scared.
Theyre not scared.
They can't Be scared.
Being down by 2 doesn't mean anything besides we'll bounce back. We're not scared about it. I played well, the shots just weren't falling, but i did good. We are doing good. We love each other. We swear.
We're not scared .
(TV loves confidence)
(Love loves fear)
#love is being terrified. petrified. of losing smthing permanently#whatever u do. it will never be enough to get back what u loved the most#im not saying theyre not in love. or they havent felt it#they are in it. they call each other family now and they have both felt a deep love for people they call family before#and they have both lost people that they love#ant & kat are like the im not like other girls powder puff ( girls football) player tomboy who used to make fun of girls wearing makeup wit#her asshole guy just friends cus im one of the guys friends (even tho the guys would criticize an 'ugly'/nonconventially attractive girl fo#not wearing it ten seconds later) falls for the dopey incredibly kind but thinks she's dumb bcs she's pretty and blond volleyball player#who always tags along with ant at bars so ant can ask guys if they wanna see them make out bcs they find it hot without knowing that kat#finds it hot too#& it turns out ants tomboy obsession with makeup is from her denying love of feminity on others#it's appealing. it's entertaining. it's everything u want to see blossom and grow#but. it takes TIME.#time that places like the ruthlessness of businesses might not always have no matter how captivating#if you are a waste then youre a waste#kat and ant cant stand waste. they cant stand the idea of all this acting like theyre in love (LOVE. love) is all for not#is all for not Actually being in love. just a big elaborate talked up grandiose excuse to say theyre not afraid to be in love#now THATS television!!!!#is it a sturdy relationship though? will something have to change to survive? will SomeBody (or somebodies) have to change? um.#cut the cameras.#deadass.#ted asks#ted longer#ant eds#katman#TY for this ask. i have been munching like a goat. uve probably forgotten abt this.. but i... i never forge-#im like an Elephant <-watched a replay of game 2 & thought it was an entirely different game
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snickerdoodlles · 2 months
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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6-2-aestheticsofhate · 2 months
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i love minos (thinks about his fanon depiction) (throws up)
#okay god i try not too care too much abt mischaracterization especially if its something small but even bigger stuff its like. who cares#we've all been guilty of it at least a little bit before. you know.#but the fact fanon minos has practically ZERO things in common with minos in canon. like. :/#the fact they make him a sex obsessed guy when he shows zero hints towards being horny/sexual in game. and at most he just says that people#shouldnt be punished for loving one another. like.#everytime i see fanon content of minos and hes like haha gabriel do you want to have sex or hes constantly talking abt sex like. come on.#i never even see people talk abt stuff abt minos thats actually cool and not some fanon made up haha bisexual lighting and i love sex bit#like okay we're not gonna talk abt the fact that he had to see the destruction of everything he worked towards to help others with his own#eyes from his prison.#we're not gonna talk about how tragic he is or his story or anything abt his personality in canon?#no we're just gonna graft a make believe personality onto him where he constantly talks abt sex and nothing else? and wants to fuck gabriel#when one of the first things hes ever said upon being freed is that he wants to kill gabriel?#SORRY I KNOW IM BEING A LITTLE HATER AND IVE TRIED TO LESSEN UP ON IT ESP COMPARED TO MY LAST FANDOM. BUT.#GOD.#it wouldnt even be that bad if they didnt rough down minos's rough edges and hatred of gabriel and yet make sisyphus more#angry/violent towards him when he just had beef with heaven in general. like. interesting. that youre. depicting the person of#color as more angry/violent towards your blorbo when its arguable he doesnt even care abt gabe in specific.#really interesting.#truly.#okay im done being a hater#salt tag#to delete
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