#i was way too into the kennedys for a literal child who still watched the wonderful world of disney every sunday night

[laurapetrie]

The wedding, when it came, had a fairy-tale quality, in this very remote church, with no electricity, and it happened after dark. It felt quite otherworldly, very dreamlike. - John Perry Barlow

Carolyn was stunning and very stark — as if the few lights were just for her, with the rest of us in darkness and her betrothed's face leaning into her halo. When John fumbled with the ring, Carolyn gently put her hand on his shoulder and laughed. The moment that she put her hand on his shoulder to reassure him that everything was okay, that was quite a loving subtlety. But that was her. - Billy Noonan

It was an incredibly magical moment. I saw it as it was unfolding, almost in silhouette. It was virtually dark outside. John reached for the hand of Carolyn; she was caught off guard. I'm walking backwards in the light rain at dusk, and John does this amazing gesture, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. It was lovely, the spontaneity of that gesture. - Denis Reggie

[prophxtslash]

Hi there! So a while ago, you posted your thoughts on how certain survivors would thirst over slasher - reader. I absolutely loved them! If you’re interested, can you please share your thoughts on Leon, Felix, Kate, and Jill thirsting over slasher reader? If not, please feel free to disregard my ask!

Of course I can! I was going to link the others here to read as well, but I'm lazy lol

Killer!Reader

Leon Kennedy

Like many survivors within this predicament, Leon is in vehement denial over the ordeal. Being as someone who has a high set of morals, the idea of having any semblance of attraction towards a ‘killer’ leaves the young cop nauseous, his conscience screaming at him to snap out of this lovesick stupor.

When in trials with you, Leon has a hard time doing his job properly, fumbling with wires and needles when within your radius, a slight flush to his ears as he forces the feeling down, the need to protect the others trumping any attraction towards you. However, whenever he is the last one standing, his feet trip over themselves and his eyes dart back to you more, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

Leon wallows quite a bit, agonizing over his descending sanity and moral code, and even though many other survivors (especially those who have been here for far too long) assure him that this is actually quite normal, he continues to beat himself up over it. Nights at the campfire alone consist of fingers pressed hard against his scalp, head hung low and knees pulled flush against his chest.

Eventually, everyone gets found out in the end, and Leon is no exception. You’ll have to quite literally corner him into an admission, his breath uneven and hot as he presses against the wall, his eyes darting to everywhere but you. Force the words out of him, through any means, and he’ll be left a crumbling, shattered mess for you.

Felix Richter

While others may struggle with this type of attraction due to morals and the like, with Felix, it’s a bit more complicated, given that he not only ‘technically’ still has a girlfriend, but also a child, so initially, the guilt of practically abandoning them plagues him

Had it been another survivor he was engaging with in this sense, it wouldn’t have been as bad, but given that you’re one of the many responsible for a large part of the suffering he and the others undergo, Felix can’t help but feel even worse. This is a person who hurts and even kills him on a daily basis, yet here is wishing to be closer to them. He’s disgusted with himself, disgusted for his family even, yet he can’t bring himself to pull away.

When in trials with you, Felix tends to keep a level head, putting the objectives ahead of whatever feelings he may be harboring towards you. However, when alone with you, he sometimes slips up, wires becoming tangled and pallets barely slammed down, his body taking over for what his mind cannot keep up with.

Every chase (or lack thereof) must come to an end, so when you’re finally able to corner him, to get up close and personal, Felix falters, his eyes locked onto some horizon right above your shoulder, his fists curling and uncurling.

Kate Denson

Kate has been here far too long; hell, she still remembers the time where it was only her and a handful of others. As such, being in the Realms for too long changes you, changes the way you feel. Once a realization is made, Kate more or less shrugs; if it helps cope with this hell, then why not?

Kate, regardless of whatever may be bothering her, is always able to pull through for both herself and others within trials. If anything, this constant routine of surviving and dying has become second nature, her mind wandering to you and what you may be up to even when in the middle of chase, or even when dangling from a meat hook. This almost daydreaming of you offers a temporary escape from the uncertainty that is the realms; regardless of how inherently wrong it is.

In a sick way, her fascination with you stems from a desire to help you; that if someone were to simply listen or even just be there, you’d turn away from the darkness, so to speak. She believes that you’re not inherently evil, yet not inherently good either; she believes you’ve just been presented with no other options.

Unlike others, Kate would actively seek you out within your realm, the pressure from keeping this fascination secret building up. Whatever outcome is reached, she is ready for, and should you readily accept her admission, she’d dedicate herself to you, determined to save you from both the Entity and yourself.

Jill Valentine

Where Leon crumbles and agonizes, Jill refuses to even acknowledge the swelling feelings within her, forcibly shoving it down to never see the light of day. Sure, she’ll internally beat herself up about it, but not another soul will ever know that she’s weak enough to fall prey to this.

As such, trials come and go, and Jill never falters, never sways when faced against you. It could even be said that she does better when against you, her need to dominate and beat you trumping all else. If she can’t beat these stupid feelings out of her, it’s enough for her to glance back and see you seethe in the exit gates, your knuckles taut against your weapon as you watch her escape.

Should she even dwell on her fascination for you for even a moment, Jill will plummet, her mind immediately swallowing up any interaction the two of you had shared from previous trials, from the smallest, brush of your hand against her back to your face inches from hers, her vision going in and out as you tear into her body, the meat hook laying barren a few inches away. These desperate pleas for intimacy leaves her rabid, leaves her curling further and further into herself.

Much like the others, you’ll have to force Jill into submission, the meat hook piercing her shoulder in one plunge, your ears ringing from the shrillness of her scream. Force every obscenity, curse, and yell from her, and eventually, you’ll be gifted an uncharacteristic quiet, her shoulders sagging as her admission comes out in a whisper. After this, she’s broken and malleable, leaving you to do with this new found relationship as you please.

[felix21im]

"Ice Cold", a Leon Kennedy x reader fanfiction

As an Art and Design student all you want to do is just knuckle down and finish that one goddamn piece you've been working on for months. Too bad your time is constantly stolen by your Waiter job with minimal pay, but hey, at least the tips are good if you unbutton your shirt that one more time.

Masterlist

Chapter 6: The Bar

“You have to be kidding me right now!” You couldn't believe what you were hearing. “It was the first time I haven’t shown up to work, I always did my job exactly how you wanted me to and this is your thanks? I told you what happened and you don't even care at all! I was literally unconscious and in shock after what occurred that day.” You exclaimed and shook your head, not believing what you were hearing.

“I'm truly sorry, but you know how we handle things here. I'm sure a young and outgoing person like you will find a new job without any problems. We will send you the money for the last days you were working. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got a restaurant to take care of.” Your boss, well ex-boss, went through the door and left you standing in his office in disbelief. You picked up all your personal items before then heading to the front door. You looked around once more, thinking about all the years you were working here. You said one last goodbye to your coworkers before heading out the door, leaving this part of your life behind.

You went to your own car - finally having a driver's license after Leon made sure you got your private lessons - ready to drive home. But as you were sitting down you realized that that wasn't what you really wanted. The best thing to do now was to see Leon, so that's exactly where you were going.

You pulled into Leon’s driveway and parked in front of the front door. “I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” Angel greeted you as you stepped out of the car.

“Neither did I.” You answered and walked to the door, letting yourself in. You found Leon in the kitchen and he was leaning over a bottle of whiskey. “Leon?” You raised an eyebrow, thinking it was kind of early to drink but didn't say anything to him.

You must have scared him as he shot up to look at you. He looked rough, his hair was a mess and his grey clothes were stained. “Buttercup!” He smiled as he walked over to you. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, I thought you were at work.” He planted a kiss on your forehead and rubbed your arms.

“I got fired.” You simply blurted out, rather than trying to avoid it. “Since I didn’t go to work that one day last week my boss seriously wasn’t happy.” You lightly waved Leon off of you and sat down at the kitchen counter. “I’ve never missed a day for like three years but one day! One day! Is enough to get me fired.” You placed your head in your hands and groaned.

“Well fuck that guy.” He pulled a cereal box out of a cupboard under the kitchen island and placed it into a bowl.

“Fuck that guy…” You replied. “Now I need to waste the next week of my life trying to find a new job.

Leon finally put some milk into the bowl too. “You’re a college student, you don’t need a full time job.” He placed the bowl in front of you as you looked up at him. “Eat up, Buttercup.”

You looked down at the cereal and you pushed it around with your spoon. “I’m not really hungry, Leon.” You pushed the bowl back towards him and you brushed your hair with your hand. “It’s not that I need a job, I just like having one, it keeps me busy and the extra money never hurts.”

“But wasn’t the pay terrible?” He raised his eyebrow as he began to eat your food. “And super sexual? Your co-worker Mimi told me about how you would unbutton your shirt and wear super tight pants so that the customers would tip you more…”

“True.” You admitted. “So I’ll look for something different. Maybe I can be a personal assistant like Angel and Daisy.”

“They’re more than just assistants y’know.” Leon continued to eat. “Those two have joined me on a job, saved my life once or twice.”

“It’s four in the afternoon, why are you eating cereal?” You eventually asked.

“We don’t have any food, Angel wasn’t able to go shopping this morning.” He said as he placed his empty bowl in the sink. “How about an office job?”

“That’s a bit boring, dontcha think?”

“Umm. How about that internship you were going for?”

“I still have three months left of college, once I'm done with that and I have the grades for it, I can apply.” You admitted as you got off the bar stool, not having eaten any of the food Leon gave you. Leon watched you while you were filling your glass with water and some ice to cool down. You drank it and watched Leon do the same, just with his glass of whiskey. “Isn't it a little too early to drink?” The words left your mouth before you were even thinking about it. Now it was Leon's turn to raise an eyebrow at your comment.

“Are you my mom or what now? I think I know when or when I cannot have a drink.” He snapped at you, which really surprised you.

"Obviously I am not. But that's not really responsible of you, is it? I just don't get it, why you're drinking at this time and so often in general the past weeks." You thought about what you were saying, realizing his drinking behavior dates back to the first time you even met. "I get that your job isn't easy and stuff but day drinking? Really? Seems kind of low to me, Leon."

Leon let out a laugh and shook his head. "If all you want to do now is complain you can leave. That's not what I wanted you here for."

You looked at him again with big eyes. "So you don't wanna talk? I don't know what it is that’s between us, but it can't always be good and fun. I'm literally just worried about your health!"

"Worried? I think I know what's good for me much better than you do, I'm not the child here." He spat at you as he drank from his glass.

"So if you’re not ‘the child’ does that mean that I am?” You looked at him speechless. “That's how you see me? I understand that I'm a lot younger than you but I'm not a child! And just because I'm trying to talk about something serious? What is going on with you Leon?" He didn't even look at you. Instead he poured himself another drink and took a sip. You shook your head and let out a scoff. You then grabbed your jacket and went to the door. Before leaving you looked back to Leon, hoping he would apologize or stop you from leaving, instead you got nothing. You slammed the door behind you shut and you heard something break. “A fucking mansion and his front door cant even handle a slam..” You muttered to yourself as you went over to your car. Angrily you left his driveway and drove in the direction of home.

Your roommate was home for the holidays, leaving you in your apartment alone. Rather than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself you tried to get some work done.

Looking for jobs was much harder than you remember. “Host. Nope. Grocery store worker. Eh, I guess that could work. Stripper?! Hm, if I'm desperate enough, maybe…” You spent hours looking and applying to jobs, most of them being just over minimum wage but any money is better than none.

Eventually you gave up and just began to watch TV on your laptop, endlessly flicking through the channels available to you. Since none of it looked interesting you put on something random and picked up your sketchbook. As the noise played in the background and your pencil ran across the paper your eyelids became heavier and heavier, those combined with the fact that it was now eleven at night.

The sound of your phone vibrating on your wooden desk ripped you from your sleep. At first you ignored it, being far too tired to want to actually open your eyes. It started to vibrate again. You rubbed your eyes, trying to see clearly in the dark and waking yourself up. You looked at your phone confused, wondering who wanted you so late at night. You unlocked it and looked at the time first. “Almost two in the morning... damn”, you muttered to yourself. After that you checked your notification and let out a sigh. Multiple messages from Leon just in the past few hours you were asleep. You didn't even bother looking at them, knowing that he was drunk. Most of the messages didn't even make sense and there was no way to read or understand them. Before locking the phone again, an unknown number called you. Unsure about who it could be, you waited for the call to end. But soon after the same number called again. You let out a sigh, answering the call. "Hello? Can I help you?" You asked tiredly. You didn't recognize the voice talking to you, but you could hear Leon mumbling in the background. The person told you something about Leon being totally wasted and that he requested for you to come and pick him up. Unsure about what to do, especially after the argument you had earlier, you still agreed to picking him up. You ended the call and put your phone away. Putting your head in your hands, you let out another sigh and shook your head. You quickly went to your kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, needing caffeine otherwise you would fall asleep before you even got to Leon.

As you grabbed your jacket, phone and coffee you looked at your car keys and shoved them into your pocket. You knew you couldn’t take your car as you didn’t want to leave it at the bar considering it was twenty miles from home. “Why couldn’t he have gone to a local bar?”

You waited outside in the rain for a taxi to come and pick you up. You’d be sure to charge this cost on Leon’s credit card.

Faint music was in the background as you walked through the door to ‘Billy’s Bar’ and it only took you a second to find Leon. “Buttercup!” He waved and blew a kiss at you the second he spotted you.

“Hey Leon.” You somewhat smiled as you sat down next to him at the bar. “What mess have you gotten yourself into?” You muttered as you waved over the bartender, them giving you the bill. “How can you rack up eighty dollars in one night?”

You searched Leon’s pockets for his wallet but came up empty. “Woah there Buttercup, let’s go home first before you start to pull my pants off.” You simply rolled your eyes at his drunk comment.

You groaned as you gave up the search for his wallet and eventually you just placed your own stack of cash on the bar, giving a little extra for the bartender as a tip. “Come on.” You got off the stool. “Let’s get you home.” Leon got off his stool and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “Jesus Leon, don’t do that…” You wiped the kiss off of you and shook your head as the two of you left the bar and into the pouring rain. “Keys?” You held out your hand and he placed his keys in your palm. The keys to one of his fancy cars that you don't even know the name of but you were pretty sure that it was an Audi of some sort. It had four doors and four wheels, good enough.

“I can drive Butterc- cup.” He hiccuped as he talked, proving just how much he shouldn’t drive.

“I’ll be fine…” You clicked the keys and the lights on the car flashed. You took Leon to the passenger side of the car and forced him off of you as you opened the door for him. He leant on the roof to help himself into his seat and you then closed the door behind him. “Alright, it’s just like my car… just a lot quicker and a lot more expensive…” You mumbled to yourself as you hopped in the driver’s seat and started the engine. The loud roar was enough to make you almost pee yourself due to your nerves.

You gripped your hands on the steering wheel and put the car into drive. The car immediately shot forward and you instantly slammed on the breaks, causing Leon to bash his face on the dashboard. “Oh fuck!” You put the car into park and looked at Leon’s nose. “I’m so sorry.” You carefully brushed your hand on his nose and luckily it didn’t feel as if it was broken.

“I’m fine…” Leon’s eyes rolled back in his head and he leant back in his seat. You simply huffed at him and leant over him, grabbing his seatbelt. As you went back to your seat you sighed at him as you looked at him sleeping.

You buckled your own seatbelt and started the car again, now more carefully. You checked all the buttons and hoped for the best as you left the parking spot slowly. Before you stepped on the gas once more to drive onto the street you looked over to Leon, who was now half asleep. Just sometimes he looked up again or out the window without saying anything. Which was probably better because he wouldn't say anything useful anyway in his state. You drove on the main street and gripped the wheel, concentrating on the dark and rainy road before you. You tried putting on some music but soon shut it off again because it just irritated you. So you just drove around silently trying to find a way to Leon's house. Every now and then Leon muttered something, more to himself than to you. You shook your head blaming yourself for his behavior. Letting out a sigh you concentrated on the road again and silently went on.

You drove for around five minutes before Leon began to get bored. “Buttercup?”

“Hey Leon…” You replied to him, keeping your eyes on the road because you didn’t want to swerve into a ditch.

“You’re the best.” You could see him smile at you in the corner of your eye. He held out his hand and you simply ignored it. “Please?” He wiggled his fingers, wanting you to hold his hand. You scoffed as you dropped your right hand from the wheel, placing your hand in his. “I love you, Buttercup.” He smiled at you again but you simply ignored it.

“You’re drunk, Leon.” You took your hand back from him, in annoyance.

You wanted him to say that he loved you, but not like this, not in a drunk slur. “I’m serious.”

"Yea, sure you are." You rolled your eyes and looked straight to the street, not giving him anymore attention.

"You're so mean, Buttercup." He began whining like a little child which made you laugh sarcastically.

"You’re behaving like a child now, Leon. I told you earlier today that it doesn't have anything to do with ages." You shook your head, thinking about the argument from earlier.

"I'm sorryyy..for snapping at you like that earlier.. do you forgive me? Pleaseeee Buttercup.." You raised your eyebrow at his apology, not thinking much of it.

"I can't forgive you when all you do is lie when you’re drunk. Say sorry again when you're sober and we'll see." You felt him moving in his seat, now directly facing you. You gave him a short look and tried pushing him back into his seat. "Leon, please sit down correctly. I can't concentrate like this."

He had a smug smile on his face now. "Am I all you can concentrate on now?" Leon came closer to you and you backed up, now shoving him away with your right hand. The road in front of you was still slippery and dark and you couldn't drive like this. In a short motion you stepped on the brakes and stopped at the side of the street. Now facing Leon as well you tried pushing him back into his own seat, hoping he would leave you alone now. He still resisted and even though he was totally drunk he still was stronger than you. He grabbed your wrists and came closer to you, almost sitting on your lap now. You were able to keep some distance with your legs but it wasn't an easy task. "Buttercuuup.." He began again as he started playing with your fingers. "I'm serious.. I loveee you, since the first time I met you." You looked at him, searching his face. People always say that drunk people speak the truth but a part in you didn't want to believe it. Not because you didn't have feelings for Leon, but this whole situation seemed wrong to you. You realized it wouldn't get you far when arguing in this state so you just let him talk, not giving it much thought. Leon continued talking but he soon noticed you didn't even listen anymore. As soon as he came closer to you again you snapped back to reality.

You unfastened your seatbelt and got out of the car. You walked through the rain to Leon's side of the car and also opened his door. He looked at you confused but didn't say anything. You loosened his seatbelt and almost threw him out of his seat and out the car. He just about caught his balance, looking at you perplexed. You tried finding the right words but didn't even know what you were doing here. Leon leaned on the side of the car, already totally soaking wet. "Leon, I don't know what's going on with you but I can't continue driving when you keep on annoying me like that! So please just shut up or we're gonna stay out here until you're sober again, I don't care!" You shouted towards him, hoping he would even hear you through the loud and heavy rain. You came closer to him again, waiting for an answer. It seemed like hours passed, but Leon didn't say a thing. You groaned and opened the back door. You grabbed Leon's arm and pushed him inside. Overwhelmed by the sudden force, he fell into the backseat taking you with him. So now you lay on top of Leon, both of you totally wet. You felt Leon's warm breath and also the smell of alcohol. You suddenly felt hot and everything around you seemed to stop, all you saw was Leon. He looked you deep in the eyes and you into his. Without even thinking about it, you felt Leon's big hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face. And the next thing you felt were his lips on yours. For a split second you leaned into the kiss, before realizing what was happening. In an instant you shot up and pushed yourself away from Leon. He looked at you, confused and heartbroken. "Leon. Let's just get you home now." You helped him put on a seatbelt without speaking another word and then went back to the driver's seat. The rest of the drive home neither of you spoke a word but every now and then you felt Leon staring at you from the back.

Finally you arrived at his home. Even though it was raining you could still make out the driveway and main door. You didn't bother parking the car in his garage, so you stopped in front of the door. You took the keys and before leaving the car you looked back at Leon. He wasn't asleep. He looked out the window, like most of the time during the ride. It reminded you of a child that wanted to stop at the local McDonald's but his parents didn't want to. You shook your head and tried hiding your smile. After that you left the car and also helped Leon out. Both of you didn't say a word as you walked to the door. Leon's arm was around your back for balance but you didn't mind it. It was better than letting him walk alone and him ending up injuring himself. You opened the front door, which was unlocked to your surprise. Apparently no one in this house thinks it could be possible that a thief would come here to say hello. You took off your own jacket which was totally drenched and hung it up. You then did the same for Leon, without any words exchanging either.

"I should probably get you something dry to wear. You're gonna get sick otherwise." You said more to yourself than to Leon but he still heard you and agreed.

"Let's.. just go upstairs and change there. It doesn't matter if the house gets dirty." Leon already started walking towards the stairs but you soon followed after noticing how he couldn't even walk straight. You then helped him upstairs and you went into the bathroom.

"I'll get you something to sleep in, just.. sit here and don't move. Can you do that for me?" He nodded silently and you left the room. You went into his bedroom and got some pajamas for him and also something for you to wear. As you entered the bathroom you found Leon sitting in the bathtub, naked. Even though you've seen him half naked before this wasn't what you wanted to see. Covering your eyes you threw his pajamas over. Obviously he didn't catch them so now they were lying next to him. "Jesus, Leon. What are you doing? I asked one thing of you and-"

"Sorry, Buttercup.. I just didn't want to freeze." He put his legs closer to him and rested his head on top of them. You shook your head and even though you didn't want to, you had to agree with him. You were also cold and wearing wet clothes didn't help. You sighed and looked at him. "Are you gonna shower by yourself or do you need help?" You felt like his caretaker right now but you also couldn't leave him hanging now. He looked at you with big eyes, which basically begged for you to help him. You sighed once again before walking over to him. You started the shower making sure it was warm enough. It was just a quick way of warming him up, not wanting to spend any more time with a naked and drunk Leon. After you were done you helped him out of the bathtub and put him into a towel. After drying him a little bit you helped him get into his pajamas and walked him into his bedroom. You watched him get into bed and before taking a shower yourself you saw him drifting off into a deep sleep. Closing the door behind you silently you went back into the bathroom and took a shower and changed into some of Leon's clothing. Nothing too special but at least it would keep you warm. After you put all the wet clothes away you went downstairs to try to get some sleep as well. You entered the living room and lay down on the big couch. Just a few minutes later you felt sleep take over and take you into a world of dreams.

You woke up the next morning to Angel's voice. "Hey there. Sorry to wake you up, I just wanted to see you before heading out again." You sat up and stretched, looking at Angel. "Thank you for bringing Leon home. I wasn't home yesterday and.. I'm sorry you had to see him like that." You shook your head, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder.

"Don't apologize for that. It's no big deal.. I think. Does this happen often? He was so.. weird yesterday." You looked down, feeling guilty for snapping at Leon like that yesterday, maybe being the reason for him ending up drunk.

"It's, well, it happened before. He always likes to drink but I'm not sure what's going on to be honest. But don't worry, okay? It has nothing to do with you or anything. Chances are high he's just fed up with work, I don't blame him." You nodded, smiling at Angel now. She then stood up and gave you a small smile before turning to leave. Before leaving though she turned back to you. "I prepared some coffee for you and Leon. Maybe try waking him up. And.. try not to be too mad at him, would you?" She waved to you one more time before leaving the room and soon the house.

You got your two mugs of coffee and you went up the stairs to wake up Leon. As you put your hand on the doorknob you could already hear his snoring so you made sure to be quiet. He laid face up on the bed and his hair was extremely messy, so rather than waking him up like you originally planned you just sat on the chair by the window and drank your coffee. The rain from last night was still just as terrible, if not worse to the point where you couldn't even look out the window, you needed some other source of entertainment. You picked up one of the books that Angel had placed in there as decor and began to read it. It was only a small book, something about a knight in shining armor there to save the princess, just like all the other fairy tales. As you were reaching the end of the book you could hear Leon beginning to stir, his breathing had become a lot lighter and his snoring had stopped, meaning he was pretty much awake now. You took another sip from your coffee and you could see Leon sitting up in bed. He had his hand on his head and you could tell that it was pounding. “Good morning, Sleepyhead.” You gave him a faint smile as you tapped the table, another mug of coffee waiting for Leon.

He groaned as he waved his arm at you, wanting you to bring the coffee to him. At first you just shook your head at him and clicked your tongue but he wouldn't give up, you were too tired to argue about it so you just sat on the side of the bed, your back facing him. “You’re mad."

“You think?” You snapped at him, still looking forward, at the blank wall in front of you.

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” He sat up properly and shuffled towards you, being careful not to spill his cold coffee. “I was being stupid. I had a bad morning and I just wanted to chill out for the rest of the day, have a nice drink and just relax by the pool or something.”

“Oh so me arriving for a surprise visit, that's what derailed your day?” You turned to face him and you could tell that the two cogs in his brain were working overtime.

“What? No!” He shook his head as he tried to get a grasp on the situation. “I overreacted to you asking about my drinking problem-”

“Oh so now you admit that it's a problem?” You interrupted him, by now your body was fully turnt to him, just by your body language he knew that you were more than just pissed at him.

“It’s always been a problem.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I can try and explain it.” You simply huffed at him, wanting to hear his excuse but still wanting him to know that you're angry. “After Raccoon City I began to get pretty bad nightmares. Like really, really bad nightmares. You can guess why.” You simply nodded at it, feeling guilty now that you got him to explain. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time, so I tried my best to just keep myself busy. Hobbies, people, anything. I would sometimes go out to bars and whatnot and I figured out that after a few drinks I would usually sleep better that night.” He adjusted himself in bed so that he was fully sitting upright, his full attention on you as he talked. “I’ve been doing it for years, Buttercup. It’s just a hobby I guess.”

You didn’t really know what to say. Sure you lived with college kids so you were around drinking fanatics 24/7 but an actual alcoholic? You didn’t have much experience.

“Buttercup, I’ve tried everything.” He leant forward and grabbed your hand, rather than you recoiling like the night before you accepted it and you shuffled yourself closer to him, sitting cross legged next to him on the bed. You hesitated before leaning your head on his shoulder and also grabbing his hand.

"I don't know how I can help, Leon. But you can't continue like this. I.. I didn't recognize you yesterday, you were so different. I don't want to worry about you, when you're out for a drink. I just-" You looked up to him with big eyes, some tears forming inside them. You felt so helpless and even bad for not noticing anything earlier. Leon squeezed your hand.

"Shh.. it's okay, Buttercup. After I met you, I tried to stop drinking, you can even ask Angel. But the nightmares never end. The only time I was able to sleep through the night was.. when you were here and slept next to me. Knowing I wasn't alone, feeling you next to me, it helped me." You blushed and gave him a small smile, but deep down you knew this wouldn't help long-term.

"Even if I stay here to sleep in your bed, you will always want to drink. And I can't be here with you all the time. You need.. we need something else to fix this problem." You took a deep breath. "Leon, I think you need professional help. Like, I don't know, medication to help you sleep?" You looked at him unsure of what you could do to help.

"I tried that before, Buttercup. I swear I tried it many times before but I also fell back into this habit. I can't change it anymore." You shook your head.

"No Leon, stop saying stuff like this. You may have tried before but.. now I'm here. I'll help you. I promise I will not leave your side, we will do this together. We can work in small steps, you hear me? Like.. you always drink your whiskey with ice, right? What about you trying to put in less alcohol and more ice? Step by step? It's worth a shot and this way it isn't cold withdrawal. What do you say?" You looked at him with big eyes, kind of proud of your idea. A small smile rested on Leon's face as he looked at you.

"It's worth a shot. But don't get your hopes up too high. This won't be easy and.. if things don't work out, I don't know who I'll be then."

"Leon. I am not leaving you alone now. We will do this together and no matter what happens, I'll be here. I believe in you." You lay your arms around him and hugged him. You felt his arms around your body and smiled. After a short while you let go of him. Both of you took a sip of your stone cold coffee and sat there in silence, the only sound being the rain outside the house.

You saw Leon fidgeting around and looked at him questioningly. Before you could ask what he was thinking about he began speaking. "You know, uhm, what I said yesterday. I meant it. Sure, I was drunk and all but…", he turned to you. "I love you. I have for a long time now but I didn't know how to say it. But I really do." You looked at Leon with big eyes, shocked that he would bring this topic up again. Unsure of what to say you stood up and walked around the room. Leon's gaze followed you and you felt bad for not saying anything. After walking up and down you finally sat back next to him again. "Leon, I.. I don't know what to say. I mean.. I. God. Leon. I love you. I really do." You let out a small laugh. This whole situation felt so bizarre to you. You saw a big smile growing on Leon's face and you had to return it. He grabbed you by your arm and pulled you to him. You looked each other in the eyes, knowing what both of you needed now. Leon closed the gap between you two and after so long you kissed him. Without being drunk. Just a real and honest kiss, both of you wanting it and knowing it was the right thing. “So what was the bad news that you got yesterday morning?” You asked him as you pulled away.

“I have to go to Italy for a job.” He smirked. “But I think I might drag you along with me, we can have some time together once I'm done with work.” You thought about the offer for a split second before agreeing.

"At least I don't have a job where I have to ask for permission anymore." You jokingly said, trying to make the best of the situation.

"Well then we have a plan. Sooo, you better get home and pack your things. We should be at the airport early tomorrow morning. I'll text you the time and pick you up. Sounds good?" You nodded before going for another kiss. You stayed at Leon's house for a while longer before eventually going home and packing your stuff. You were excited to be by his side at a job and couldn't wait for it anymore. God knows what you've gotten yourself into...

----

Taglist: @trinswhimsys @dixanadu @oppsie--channie

[the-acid-pear]

I did my homework and i did my chores, time to tackle on the third book of this series, Son of Ogre

Chapter 1

Okay but the fuck is Baki planning to do if he stops fighting? That's literally all he has, he's not smart

WOOH THATS A BIT REALISTIC

PREHISTORIC ELEPHANT?!

King just went to have a snack. Also FUCK does that meat look tasty FUCKKK

This baby so cute 🥺

I'm so glad Yuji is doing stupid hilarious shit again it had been a while

Congrats on Baki for that mantis

Chapter 2

Who tf is this kid?

Poor kid lmao, i assume he will meet Baki

Look at my boyyy

HSTSRFAYDF DON'T CALL HIM A MANLET

Imagine Baki actually kills this kid HSJDYSSHCBT

Third comment with a ton of likes is "we do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious"

Chapter 3

AH SHUT UPPP KIDDO

But i like Baki memeing a round a lil

Chapter 4

🥺🥺 that's so sweet...

HELLOOOO STRYDUM MY GOD YOUR TITS GOT FATTER SIR 😳😳

Yujiro is such a fucking threat to society lmao

I love seeing Baki with his eyes open, he's looking more like his old self

Oh, shadow boxing incoming, alright

Chapter 5

Yuri? 🥺 /j

THE RETURN OF IRON MICHAEL?!

Chapter 6

I love how there's our silly little mains after every cover LUV em <33

Baki just dissociating his ass out and using it on his favor, the king

Why is Baki eating sour prunes aren't those meant to be sweet?

We all salivating

Chapter 7

Love to see there are even more swears there now

I can put my face next to my foot too tho

FAGDRJSEHARD YUJIRO CAN BEAT THE CANCER HOW ICONIC 😍

Also i would LOVE to see Yuji fight an Orca

WHAT?!

I love how everyone in the comments is calling out Rumina for not seeing issue going down to a dark hidden basement with a shirtless man older than him

Chapter 8

"piggy back me" USHSYFLFUDSY

This fight is going to be good

Chapter 9

Imagine Baki dies right here right know against an imaginary mantis lmao

Okay Baki getting damaged makes sense but the WALL?

Baki's dead (GOD IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE SAID THAT)

Ffs it's true Baki COULD create himself a stand 😰

Chapter 10

OH FUCK IT'S TRUE

Chapter 11

This fight is so boring i had to take a 6 hour break

Baki just can't win against nature eh

This reminds me of Garland pulling a suplex on that Anaconda

Chapter 12

I can't wait for the main cast to ACTUALLY appear, instead of just, you know, them in the covers

This fight is slow but cool but slow

To fight a mantis you must think like a mantis 😎

Though it's true in this manga you will most likely win if you steal your opponent techniques so

Chapter 13

I MISS IGARI FUCKKK

This is so dumb i luv it

That mantis be swearing lmao

Love it when Baki goes full Yujiro

Chapter 14

TOBA...

Holy fuck do mantis fly?

Secret Chapter?

Is this how Yujiro got born?

Idk girl i would have killed him if i was you

WHAT.

I KNOW THOSE FROGS THEY ARE FROM PUERTO RICO I THINK

I might just be sleepy but this is so confusing

AKSHSKGSKSGSJSG JUST KILL THE BABY IT AINT THAT HARD

Chapter 15

GAIA...

Why is he like this?

Is "he" with us right now?

...gotta admit that IS true...

I love Strydum sksgwhwg

Yujiro really went XD

I don't think my man Arun in the comments is aware how gay what he said is, though maybe I'm wrong

Chapter 16

GOD THESE FUCKING COVERS MAKING ME SO NOSTALGIC, LOOK AT SPEC!

ANIME KENNEDY?!

I can't believe Bush is dead

AN ASIAN BOY HAS JUST KIDNAPPED THE PRESIDENT...

8 of January? My god he's a Capricorn

I'm sorry, what?

LAHQIGWKQFWKSFWIWG 😭😭

I love Baki so much, THIS IS THE KID THAT I MISSED SO MUCH

This explains why Baki was in prison clothes in the anime teaser

Chapter 17

BIG NUMBER

That one mf like 😐

Glad Baki is 18 now at least 😌

Love to see Oliva back

Chapter 18

This page not even bothering to charge the pages anymore

I'm sure there were better ways to go to jail, well, actually, no, but still

Toba used to just chew that off

Baki did that mantis hit you in the head too hard?

I. I watched way too many prison movies and shows. I don't like seeing someone as young and pretty as Baki in such a place. I rlly don't.

Chapter 19

Yanagi baby i miss you...

IRON MICHAEL?!

Mfkhsjsys 😳🥴

Eh got my hopes too high

CHE BAKI PIBE... LA PUTA MADRE NI ACA ME ESCAPO DE MIS COMPATRIOTAS

I hope he swears too i want to see a boludo o pelotudo PLEASE

I mean para pelotudos lo veo a Yujiro todo el tiempo pero igual JSGWKEGWG me pone bien argento ver al Che carajo

Chapter 20

HE SAID BOLUDO SUAHWKWGAKSGSKSGSKGD

I can't take this omfg new fav I'm sorry Doppo but he just said boludo 😭

Pendejo is more used as pibe here but i will let it pass bc idk the lingo in Cuba and he spent some time there so

Why don't i speak like this too ffs? All i do is say eh and call it a day

He's cocky enough to call anybody any age pibe so I'll let that pass too

Por favor no lo hagas che sksgwj

Chapter 21

Che, pibe, it's a good day to die...

Chapter 22

GSHAGSTSG he should have said "no boludo"

I'm falling in love with this boludo myself

That's talented and brutal

OH RIGHT YOU LOSE YOUR BALANCE WHEN YOU DONT HAVE THAT

Chapter 23

Hm that's, cringe

YESSS HE SAID PELOTUDO

OAHWLGWKQFSKSGSJS SIII ROMPELO TODO CHE, ROMPELO TODO POR DECIRTE YANKEE KSGSSJGS

Honestly i too get pissed off when called American or European, though i won't throw shit to Baki, he's some random 18 yo japanese boy, no way he would recognize latinoamerican lingo lmao

King shit Baki boy

Chapter 24

Oh that's why he's called Jun Guevara, that's fair

I like how they are mixing a bit of truth and a bit of lie it's fun at least

Chapter 25

I like how they are drawing nipples now, occasionally

I can't wait for Viêt to complain about propaganda in the comments

OH SHIT

😳 :Y

He's sooo nice 😍

Chapter 26

Only three? You mean the third is... 👁️👁️

HAHA YEAH YUJI-CHAN <3

I can't believe he works for the USA I'm crying and shaking rn

What a progressive manga, the three strongest and most dangerous men and none of them are white 😍

GET HIS ASS BAKI

Chapter 27

Why is this guy sweating sm?

LDYDYSUGFUDT BAKI PLS

I like how the only time Baki was willing to kill a person was when he thought Sikorsky had hurt his girl

Chapter 28

I feel like Ian will die

Man i love how Baki is drawn in this book

Ffs i called it, i have watched way too many prison things to know how shit goes down

I have seen these three before in fanart but I'm curious to see what they can do

Chapter 29

Their faces remind me of Doyle

OH I CANT WAIT TO SEE EM IN THE ANIME

ASSHOLE DON'T CALL ME STUPID 😢💔

I'm gonna struggle to tell em apart but i think I'll manage

Okay I'm not the only one who thinks they look like Doyle, fair

Chapter 30

The mouth vs Yujiro when?

Someone mentioned the have the same vibe as the dudes that worked with Gaia and like 👁️👁️

Chapter 31

Lmao someone in the comments recommended the same thing

These three must be great at sex (sorry)

KSHALDHDKD NEW FAV COMMENT: "go to Japan and look for the word "defeat". That way you won't feel cocky anymore"

Chapter 32

Hehe hello Junnn~

KSHAKDHKWGS

La luna

Chapter 33

LOS TRES...

Okay that's funny, hocico instead of mouth (hocico is used for animal mouths)

I'm so glad i know Spanish

The two things that drive me insane and make me ramble are Doppo's beauty and this stupid argentinian

OSHSKWGSKSG

Chapter 34

Imagine he's doing that illusion thing Dorian did

With his own blood, that's so cool...

Hoho...!

I did that once when i had a terrible nose bleed, didn't go well

Chapter 35

This book is fucking boring NGL

"now that you got no more urine left in you"

AH.

GAHDYR LMAO

Chapter 36

HO THAT TITLE, PLEEEASE I NEED SOMETHING, ANYTHING, TO HAPPEN

HHH he kinda cute...

Oww :(

JDJSJFRGAJ

God piantao is an old word i had never heard it before

AND he took a piss.

LOCO NO SEAS HOMOFÓBICO NINGUNA MINA ACA ES MEJOR QUE ESTE PIBITO TE LO ASEGURO SKSGSKGSJAAGS

Se me cayó un ídolo y yo que le quería dar 😔

ÑSHWQLSGOSGDKW

Let's see if he lied to Baki about just liking eh /j

Chapter 37

I luv Oliva lol

AJSGSKSLAGHS BAKI SNAPPED

I too wonder where the fuck Kozue is

Chapter 38

LSHSLDGSLSGSIEG

He is jealous of what you two have, it's normal, el Che just rejected his love after all ;/

Oliva is a king

OH A HANKERCHIEF I THOUGHT THAT WAS UNDERWEAR SHSGS-

Oh shit Oliva is like 45?! He looked so young

Te fuiste a la mierda, Che, el chabón estaba siendo re bueno con vos

Baki is just dead

Chapter 39

I love how realistic Che's fear is, he's rather smart, though not this time

POOR GUY AJSGSWJW

I didn't realize Che said "what more, it may be a woman!" but to be fair they ARE in jail so

Chapter 40

I'm feeling kinda bad for him ngl

I feel happy for him tho 🥺

Bruh they added one page after the ending of some naked anime girl tf 😐

Chapter 41

These prisoners having fun is kinda sweet

YO INSANE

Bitches be complaining about Maria's looks are just jealous 🥰

Chapter 42

Damn she lorge

He loves fighting naked eh

Only valid person is the one saying Oliva deserves better treatment which tbh true

Chapter 43

Fun fact i wear my jacket like El Che too, unless it's too cold

El che with the hair lose is so cute bro,,,

Something something fingering joke

Sikorski could fold a coin too

I bet the bandana will break

Chapter 44

I would have just fallen on top of him, how is he gonna counter that, eh?

Oh that super fun to know!

Oh the good ol dirty technique, i have seen this one before!

Chapter 45

NOOO MARIA DON'T DO THIS TO HIM

This fight is super cool tho i love these two characters

Chapter 46

They just keep changing the rules i think Itagaki is just flexing at this point

LAAOSFKAGSKAGSKAF???

Baki wants his protagonism back

I'm getting pissed off they keep putting semi naked underaged girls at the end of every chapter 😐

Chapter 47

Bruh just realized, the mouth got so hyped as this new cool villain and they died in their first appearance 😭

His damn bandana...

[burgundy-time-bandit]

Garcia Flynn’s Outfits, Ranked

Here is a totally unbiased ranking of Garcia Flynn’s various outfits through the series.

Pilot Flynn: Hot mess, looks like a longshoreman. He just started his angst filled journey so we’ll give him a pass.

Score: 5/10

Lincoln Flynn: First full vest & tie suit of many. Simple, but perfect for flinging his overly dramatic ass over the balcony later.

Score: 7/10

Atomic Flynn: Is this a turtleneck or a dickie? I honestly have no idea at this point.

Score: 4/10, unless you’re really into arms, then 8/10

Varlar Flynn: Yes, please slowly pan the camera up. The real crime of this show wasn’t Christmas but the serious lack of use of pinstripes on Flynn. Real effing tragedy.

Score: 9/10

Alamo Flynn: Casually deadly, a bit of a swagger, but also looks like he rolled through the dirt on the way in.

Score: 6/10 (8/10 for fans of scruff)

Watergate Flynn: Eh, maybe if you’re hot for teacher.

Score: 6/10 (9/10 for the teacher kink group)

Husband and Father Flynn: Rough, modern, kinda chic, but he’s standing at his wife and child’s grave so…

Score: 1/10 (refuse to pro-rate this one for anyone, even you, you know who you are)

Stranded Flynn: Sir Not Appearing in this Episode

Score: 0/10

Space Flynn: Vertical stripes? Open collar? Casually crossed arms while talking to someone you’re about to murder? Two out of three ain’t bad. I’ll let you guess the odd one out.

Score: 9/10

Good Boy Flynn: Very clean and appropriate for visiting his mama. You know you got a good man when he respects his mama. But this really isn’t a good time to talk sexy.

Score: 7/10

Bonnie & Flynn: The sass on this one, with bonus hat. Flynn does give good head… for hats. Get your mind out the gutter.

Score: 8/10

Benedict Flynn: Too many buttons.

Score: 4/10 (okay, fine, 9/10 for the angst kink crowd, 10/10 for the button kink crowd, you know who you are)

THE HOTTEST FLYNN: This is it, this is the benchmark of all Flynn looks. Sassy, swagger, gun, hat. Downright sexy and armed. Nothing can top this.

Score: 10/10

Columbian Flynn: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back to hobo Flynn.

Score: 4/10 (9/10 for you know who you are and I’m sorry but this really is a hobo look, please don’t hate me, I <3 you)

Jesse Flynn: Sassy, got a gun and a hat… that tongue... thing...

Score: 8/10 (10/10 for tongue kink crowd)

Snowy Flynn: Okay, now he’s just leveled up into the fantasy of every girl (or boy/other) who grew up watching Man from Snowy River.

Score: 9/10

Karma Flynn: Flynn at possibly his most emo. All black and everything.

Score: 6/10 (9/10 for the emo kink group)

Lost BamBam: Oh, hey, how did you get in here you tall glass of water you.

Score: 9/10 (BamBamLives)

Lost Flynn: So. Much. Sass. Too much sass. We can't repel sass of that magnitude!

Score: 8/10

Public Flynn: The shear audacity of this man and his light-up Apple watch.

Score: 8/10

Flashback Flynn: Adorable, but also looking at his five year old daughter.

Score: 4/10, unless you have serious daddy issues, and then, eh, 7/10

Red Flynn: Vulnerable and still dangerous. But loses points for improper use of C4 in demolitions.

Score: 6/10 (fine, 9/10 for those who don’t know how to properly demolish a building)

Date Flynn: A little formal for a first date, especially when it’s not even a dinner date. Eh, he’s out of practice.

Score: 8/10

War Flynn/Darlington Flynn: This gif is actually from Hollywoodland but can you tell, no, cause it’s the same unflattering orange jumpsuit. Ugh. Did he piss off the wardrobe department this season?

Score: 2/10 (point for the dramatic eyeliner)

Armed Flynn: This is basically just arm p0rn but the hand cuffs really elevate it.

Score: 5/10 (9/10 for the arm kink group)

Escaping Flynn: Menacing. A little disturbing.

Score: 1/10 (8/10 for you know who you are)

Hollywoodland Flynn: Look at the swagger on this one, with a little bit of a popped collar to show he’s just that cool... and deadly.

Score: 9/10

Salem Flynn: Bitch please (wash your hair).

Score: 6/10

Kennedy Flynn: Okay, you defo pissed someone off in the wardrobe department? Nothing fits!

Score: 1/10

Beer Flynn: Comfy, but if I have to hear about “the wiggle” one more time I’m gonna cut a bitch.

Score: 4/10 (9/10 for wiggle fans)

Winky Flynn: I dare you tell me this man is heterosexual.

Score: 8/10 (10/10 for the Flogans)

King Flynn: Pretty much same ol’ reliable vest and tie, but the mix/matching of stripes with Lucy’s outfit is a nice touch.

Score: 8/10 (10/10 for you know who you are)

Deleted Flynn: So soft, like a human puppy.

Score: 5/10 What? I’m a cat person. Fine, 9/10 for dog people.

Sherlock Flynn: One of the best uses of the vest & tie… the man knows how to dress for a little Bromance.

Score: 9/10 (cause we all Flufus)

Reagan Flynn: See, that’s a proper turtleneck. Great Arm definition.

Score: 8/10

Cereal Flynn: Confirmed, this man is a cereal killer. And we love him for it.

Score: 9/10

General Flynn: So drab. Like, was he even trying? Or did he mean for all the focus to slip down to his hands?

Score: 5/10 (8/10 for the hand kink crowd)

Horse Flynn: Admit it, it’s the horse that makes him sexy here, cause it sure as hell ain’t the outfit.

Score: 7/10 (10/10 if you’re Loki, or named Kate)

Scaredy Flynn: Sassy, but like, your dad’s sass.

Score: 5/10 (8/10 pro-rated for the daddy issues crowd)

Chinatown Flynn: Gun, check. Sexy table flip, check. Sexy sidekick… g-damnit Wyatt!

Score: 8/10 (10/10 for the Flogan’s)

Future Flynn: Why don’t you just wear every emotion at once, why don’t you?

Score: 6/10 (9/10 for those who revel in their own emotional pain)

2012 Flynn: Perfectly soft for a dad playing with his daughter. But hella sad cause, well, you know... they all gonna be dead soon.

Score: 4/10 (8/10 pro-rated for those with daddy issues, or just like to emotionally hurt themselves)

São Paulo Flynn: Oh baby, who hurt you? (Don’t answer that, we know.)

Score: 2/10 (9/10 for the hurt/comfort crowd)

Christmas Flynn: He is literally committing suicide, so how about no?

Score: 0/10 (10/10 for you know who you are)

-

Don’t @ me. This is science.

[rappaccini]

tua season 1 rewatch, round two:

1x01:

last year's is more of a shot-for-shot rambling, if that's what you're into. this year's is gonna be a little different. stuff i mentioned before, i'll do my best not to repeat, unless it's to add context. this will largely be with an eye to the comics and how they were adapted or not.

and since tumblr only allows ten images per post (wtf), you're gonna have to bear with the timestamps here too.

0:00

"we only see each other at weddings and funerals" is a title of one of the comics, but it's the second issue, not the first. i get why it's been fronted to the first episode though: it's snappy, and the first issue of apocalypse suite is more of a prologue. that's how tua volumes are structured: the first issue is prologue for the plot that comes in afterwards.

for a pilot, you need to get the ball rolling. so you have to make the prologue the teaser, and then get to fifty minutes of plot.

this entire episode is really a combo of issues 1-2 of apocalypse suite. the buildup to, and the funeral itself.

0:03

so first off, we don't actually know if vanya was born in russia in the comics. it's more likely than not, but still not confirmed.

what is certain is that the '12pm, october 1 1989' birthday is a show-only construct. in the comics, we don't know their date of birth, but the time was 9:38pm

or even the year, though from context clues you can construe that the comics are set in the early 1980s, when the family are 30, rather than 29 as they are in the show. i'm guessing that this, in addition to plot convenience and aesthetic, is also the cause of tua's outdated technology: it's what they'd have had in the comics-verse.

(ex: a still-living kennedy meeting with hargreeves sometime after 1963, and 13-year-old allison watching kennedy's assassination as it happens). the children, in the comics, were born in the early-to-mid 1950s.

i think this change was to hammer home to the audience that the children were all born in the same instance. and the update in year was to keep things Relevant To Today.

which... might have been a net mistake in the long run. this series is ENTRENCHED in 20c popular culture and social movements. and taking those same characters and dropping them out of the context that defined them really made them lose their power.

ex: luther is an astronaut because he was influenced by the space race, which played out when he was a child. diego is a conservative crime-basher whose ideology is a reflection of the constant war on crime rhetoric, klaus's visual aesthetic is tied to the 60s and 70s alternative cultures that he'd have grown up in, vanya and diego were punks in the midst of the late 70s creation of the subculture, the comics are stuffed with five and diego hurling accusations of communism at each other because of the cold war breathing down everyone's necks-- and the cold war being the apocalypse everyone was worried about.

we lost all that.

and the show didn't even bother to update itself. they literally adopted the cars and phones of the 80s, the obama-era 'we live in a society where racism is solved!' trend tv tried to do and is in many cases still doing (yes that is exactly what they did, until they tried to switch gears in s2 for allison's godawful plotline; it was confirmed in interviews leading up to s2 that ~in our future, allison doesn't deal with racism and diversity is celebrated~) and stopped there.

2:20

as in the comics, we begin with the births of the children.

though in the show, we only see one birth, rather than 7+. which was probably done for efficiency/budget reasons. we don't see any babies die, because ratings.

also, in the comics, an unspecified number of mothers births 43 children, but in the show, it's 43 mothers who birth an unspecified number of children, which is an oversight that could lead to there being more-than-43 children if the twins are a thing, or a sign that five and luther in this iteration aren't twins. either way, oopsies.

this is also a scene that carries over from the pilot script, though there, the child is born in poland, and a boy and is heavily implied to be number five. (also to the vanya-and-five-are-twins stans... where's your boy. he floating in the pool? he teleport into the locker room?)

my guess is it was changed to vanya because she's the protagonist of this story (or was, @season 2), and we needed her as a viewpoint into the world-- note how we linger on her at the end of the teaser, and how her music ties it together, how her arrival at the mansion is also ours, and how we end with her as well.

vanya is the protagonist of this story. it's about the seven hargreeves siblings (luther, diego, allison, klaus, five, ben and vanya), but it's about five and vanya a little more than the rest of them. and it's about vanya most of all. it is about vanya finding her power, confronting her trauma, coming to forgive the family and returning to them to save and reform them by taking her place among them. it's hers, indisputably.

boy did season 2.... destroy that. for fucking fanservice.

2:47

(also, i love how 'extraordinary' is the first spoken word by one of our ensemble in the series, and it's used to describe baby vanya. some of this season was insanely well thought out.)

and i love the use of the narrator, here the voice of pogo-- i'm guessing was added after the title cards in the pilot didn't test well. i just wish it stuck around. why include it here and then never again?

3:18

this line of baby carriages is straight from the comics.

also, the fellow just behind reginald is abhijat, his bodyguard/driver and the children's trainer. he appears next in hotel oblivion, since he's been away in asia during the events of the first few volumes. i understand why he was cut from the show-- his role is easily assumed by pogo and grace, there are a LOT of characters to juggle, and we need to avoid confusing the audience.

still, miss him and his wonderful convos with diego and luther! hope he comes back in other versions of the story!

3:20

variable: the mansion in the show is a hollowed-out city block, instead of a gothic manor in the woods (which it is in the pilot script). i'm guessing this was just a shooting limitation.

i'm cool with it, because the mansion is still cool as fuck as this sprawling city block of hollowed-out buildings. there's more a quirky vibe than a gothic one.

though i also wonder at the implication of making the kids so close to the outside world, whereas in the comics they were truly isolated by high fences and an entire estate. sneaking out would've been a lot harder, yet they did it. which speaks to their desperation a lot more.

5:45

the teaser is largely the same as the pilot script, though it's re-ordered to a one-two-three-four introduction-- very clever, great way to help everyone get the numbers straight, as is the hiding of the numbers in the backgrounds of the shots [lunar station 01, love on loan 3...]).

though, allison and klaus's sections are different. my guess is the powers-that-be realized it wouldn't be entirely clear that allison is a celebrity or klaus is an addict from the jump, so they changed klaus's introduction from clubbing to rehab, and allison's from being in a nightclub (a shot from the og pilot, upper right) to being on the red carpet. i like the changes. more efficient. the teaser as a whole is a masterclass in visual storytelling.

also, allison being an actress is a massive change from her comic self. more on this in later installments.

and variable: allison's hair is dyed blonde in the show. it's naturally purple in the comics. i like that it's dyed more than it's naturally ultraviolet.

given that emmy also dyes her hair blonde irl, i'm guessing this was one of her inputs, and it does look gorgeous. i think it also works better for her character as a glamarous crowd-pleasing public figure, rather than a frumpy private citizen, to dye her hair a natural shade rather than a bright color.

(though i'm guessing the choice was made because either the purple hair didn't test well or they thought it was too goofy)

that being said i miss the purple hair and hope it comes back some other time.

9:50

everyone: look! the rain started when vanya noticed reginald died! even though it's clearly established that her powers Don't Do That and that the medication she is still clearly on shut her powers down, this is definitive proof that she controls the weather!

the writers, who definitely just meant that as a cool scene transition: uhhh....

10:40

constant: reginald always has a journal, in which he writes incriminating secrets about the children.

11:05

constant: ben always has a statue in the courtyard. and the family always breaks up after ben dies (though in the comics, it happens more gradually, with the family leaving one by one -- vanya first, then klaus-- and likely as adults).

variable: how the statue looks.

12:13

in hindsight, i feel like the 'bro/sis' aspect of television and film writing that we all love to dunk on is expository in nature. you have to tell your audience as efficiently as possible what peoples' relationships are and nothing's clearer than 'hey bro/sis'.

also, it's interesting in how in the show, they stress the 'family' aspect of the hargreeves dynamic, while in the comics it's 'academy' first-- even to the extent that they are forbidden from calling reginald 'dad.' i get the sense this was done to center the 'dysfunctional family' theming but i think it might've been a mistake, because this show's target audience of teens takes words more seriously than their context (see 'because they call each other brother and sister, the actual upbringing doesn't matter at all!' it's very post-voltron).

i think it was a mistake, in hindsight. or maybe there can be something to be said for combining both versions-- say, they start off by calling each other siblings, or reginald 'dad' and start to break away from that as they become disillusioned.

13:00

in hindsight, it's very clear that the 'how did dad die' plot is just padding to get us to ten episodes. it did the job fine here, but i feel like future versions of apocalypse suite could just zoom past it without a problem.

variable: in the comics, diego has one eye. in the show, he doesn't. i get that eyepatches are a pain for actors to wear but dang isn't it sexy how the disabilities get totally erased. allison's prosthetic arm, luther's mobility aids, vanya's wheelchair, and the guy who gets diego's prosthetic eye is a villain. woo. gross. i'd have been ok with it if there were some indication he'd get it later, but that's... not happening. so. hm.

+diego breaking into the coroner's office? straight from the comics.

i'm guessing the writers took this crumb and decided to spin it into a subplot to pad the runtime. clever, but not necessarily needed.

13:45

remember when s1 used characters digging at luther's weight to tell the audience that they were assholes. remember when s1 treated luther with dignity and didn't make fun of his deformity?

(,,, remember when the show actually let luther's deformity be sizable instead of shaving him and making his prosthetics smaller and smaller)

15:56

constant: vanya and pogo being exceptionally close when she was a child (but possible variable: them staying fond of each other when they're adults).

constant: vanya wrote an autobiography. variable: the content and intention behind it.

16:30

constant: five vanishes early on.

variable: how old five is (10 in the comics, 13 in the show) and whether he vanishes before or after the academy's debut (before in the comics, after in the show, probably so we can establish his power in the bank heist flashback)

variable: vanya and five being close as children. am i aware this is probably just to set up why five would approach her for help and nothing more? yes. am i declaring death of the author and sprinting with it? fuck YEAH. you dumbasses swapped viego with fiveya, and i'm keeping it.

17:25

on tua and the gothic... aside from the grandeur and the aesthetic of the mansion, the constant flashbacks really do solidify it-- the 'grand institution past its glory days, full of ghosts' vibe is so palpable.

tua is a gothic horror story. god the vibe was strong then.

18:40

the eiffel tower mission happened in the show -- note the picture frame behind allison-- it was just at a later date (they're ten in the comics, and it's their debut mission).

sigh. allison and klaus being close. one of the only things season 2 built on successfully.

+photos of reginald with henry kissinger. jeez.

+reginald is “not our real father” said by klaus right before luther and allison have their first interaction. the show trying to tell you What's Up but not going far enough. next time go for broke.

(also fuck you season 2 for making klaus the ~but its incest~ mouthpiece even though he clearly does not care and based on s1, does not see it that way)

19:30

the blocking really does say so much. klaus trampling all over reginald's space, while luther, the highest-ranked member of the group, clinging to one corner of the room because he's still nervous about respecting reg's boundaries. and allison, the one who got the special privileges because of her rumor, getting to creep behind the desk and hang out there.

also. allison and luther have chemistry, you crazies. even when i hated them as a couple i couldn't deny that. the eyefucking is intense. allison is fresh out of divorce court and ready to ride and i support her.

21:00

constant: luther and allison always have a romantic entanglement.

variable: in the comics, it seems more from allison's end until That Rumor, in the show it's mutual from day one. a good improvement and evolution that makes the relationship much stronger. keep it.

constant: allison always marries patrick and has claire with him. she always divorces him eight months before she arrives for the funeral. patrick always has custody.

constant: luther always knows about patrick.

variable: in the comics, he doesn't know about claire, or the divorce. and patrick also gets the house in the divorce (which is in the city, not hollywood).

and variable: allison is done with her rumor in the show, and not at all in the comics. this is probably just a plot contrivance to prevent her from ending things too early (and the writers absolving themselves of having to write a morally ambiguous female character) but it's a mistake that should hopefully die here with tua tv and not be carried over.

"i made a wish and it came true and i couldn't take it back" --- a cool line that in retrospect... kinda falls flat: allison made a wish for... her daughter to go to bed. oooh so scary.

oh and the alluther chimes/alluther theme is finished and released on the s2 soundtrack (track title: "luther and allison")! it's the only song from there i can stand to listen to because the rest are about fucking lila, harlan and sissy, and it's lovely! they also have the orchestral rearrangement of it!

22:00

constant: there's always a funeral.

variable: vanya actually shows up for it. this i think is an improvement on the comic, because in the show you have to extend the narrative to a full season of television, so you have to take this much slower. and, it lets us actually get to watch vanya become disillusioned, rather than jump out of the gate ready to blow shit up. the result is a much more empathetic take on her fall to villainy. (plus, we need to see her interact with the family to get how little they care for her)

the "old oak tree" line doesn't make much sense in the show, because there isn't one in the courtyard. but in the comics, that tree is part of the family estate, where they bury reginald. this is a holdover from the pilot script, where the house is a country mansion and where the tree is also present. i guess this line slipped through the edits.

variable: klaus's addiction in the comics is more subtle. even though we know right away that he's got a problem, it takes entire volumes before you really understand how bad it is. here it's so in your face that it keeps dancing a really unfortunate line of being played exclusively for comedy. s1 manages it successfully, s2 trips over it and breaks its teeth on the pavement.

variable: klaus's telekinesis/levitation, present in the comics and pilot script, are totally gone in the show. probably for budgetary reasons, which, fair. he has other powers, after all. he can afford to lose a few.

(.... well, then they suddenly become vanya's powers, which make NO goddamn sense and look ridiculous, so fuck you season 2)

and variable: the family isn't all white anymore. though there is a case that can be made for it in the comics, since a racially-integrated superpowered vigilante team operating in the 1960s would... not have been accepted by the public and especially not the government, i'm glad this change was made. the hargreeves children were adopted from around the world, so they should reflect that world.

if anything, we need to take it a step further. and by this i do mean, woc vanya.

24:27

constant: we always see the academy's debut mission.

variable: in the comics, it's saving the eiffel tower. in the show, it's this. in the pilot script, the robbery scene also exists. this being the academy's debut mission likely occurs for budgetary reasons.

variable: in the comics, ben is desperate to please. in the show, he's reluctant to use his powers at all.

and the overall dynamic of the family is affected. in the comics, it was allison-and-luther, ben chasing after them, klaus off on his own, and diego rebelling with vanya (with five being gone by that point). in the show, it's allison-and-luther, diego chasing after them, klaus-and-ben, and five rebelling with vanya. i love the change because it emphasizes vanya's loneliness, and diego's obsession with being the best (he literally robs his childhood of friendship and connection because of his ambition).

variable: diego's powers are projectile manipulation, not breath-holding. a change made probably bc holding-your-breath is a power that doesn't come in handy much, and people would probably just get it confused with the knives. i get it. though depending on how the comics shake out it might be a big mistake. we'll see.

constant: vanya always observes, and gets a moment of rejection by reginald

(+comics ref: the insignia on the skyscraper behind reg is the probably-villainous city media logo from the comics. said conglomerate controls the media, the papers, the cops, the taxis... god i'm excited to find out more about what's up there)

26:58

variable: reginald in the comics is simply buried in a coffin. in the show, he's cremated. this makes more sense seeing as he's a space alien who wants to keep his identity a secret, but the comics could have a use for his body being Right There ready to dig up, so we'll see how this turns out.

29:20

one thing that's sorely missed i think is the way the show knew how to just take a breather and let you live with the characters for a second.

man. it also makes the song moments more genuine because it's less a ~corporate mandated quirky dance montage~ and more an extension of character moment: it's a song that fits the scene in tone, context and lyric, not something added to be quirky.

+in the pilot script, the locket is vanya's. hm who knows who gave it to her.

33:32

constant: five falls back just in time for the funeral

variable: five falls into his 13-year-old body, being the age he was when he disappeared. five is 58 and not in his 60s, and five lands just hours before the funeral even starts, whereas in the comics, he shows up all alone days in advance and simply hangs around the house, waiting for someone to show up. i like this better. it's tighter.

+the kitchen scene seems to be a loose adaptation of the classroom scene in issue 2, where five chats with the family. albeit the content is totally different.

36:12

yes i know this is just exposition fuel to let us know what vanya's book said, and to set up five coming to vanya later, but boy if they don't show us they swapped the viego vibe out for the fiveya one.

but. tin hat on:

constant: vanya always has a pseudo-romantic bond with a rebellious pseudobrother who pushes back against reginald and the rules, and bonds with her as a way of doing so. feelings are caught, but the relationship is cut off before it can become anything, though the feelings are still there and bubbling under the surface and are about to boil over when they confront each other during the apocalypse plot.

variable: which brother vanya falls for.

(boy did the show Fuck Up by not doing anything with this. it's too important to vanya's character and her plotline. boy am i livid that they just spun up lila so diego could have this plotline without vanya and just left the fiveya vibe hanging unresolved. idiots.)

37:00

in the comics, diego hates mom (who has no name), and allison adores her. additionally, mom looks like... this.

i get why changes were made. since the viego vibe is gone, we need someone else for diego to be soft to to endear him to the audience. and there are limitations to live action in terms of how the characters look (see luther's deformity being downsized). mom might look too goofy in live-action if she were to be constructed like that.

variable: the funeral takes place during fall in the comics, spring in the show. because pilot season tends to be earlier in the year, and since filming takes months, you need things to look consistent (esp with tua, being a season that takes place over one week), it's easier to fake spring in summer than fall in winter.

(... is the 'they were born in october' thing because the comics were set in autumn?)

and ngl, i love the 'the apocalypse happens on april fools day' thing. it's so, so cruel and i love it. five's the fool. let's keep that.

and thematically of course, tua being about how the family begins to come together again, and setting it during spring... i like that. it wasn't intended at all, but i want to keep that.

variable: no fight breaks out at the funeral. the luego fight happens after the funeral. this was probably moved up to add spice, make the dysfunction apparent, and give us a hint of luther's deformity.

44:10

constant: vanya always takes medication

variable: in the comics, her meds have nothing to do with her powers. as far as we know she just takes them as an adult, and we don't even know what they're for (but given the context clues of her her popping a few right before heading into danger, probably anxiety).

in the show, they're the Big Bad Medication that is stifling everything vanya is, forced on her as a child to suppress her powers. i think this is a really smart evolution that helps us understand why her powers have been dormant, esp with klaus as foreshadowing when he uses to shut his powers down. however there are unfortunate implications surrounding the whole 'go off your meds and become your True Self!' thing. personally, i think the implications are worth the story point, but i get why other people disagree.

45:22

the guitar reminds me of the prime-8s, diego, vanya and body (a chimp detective friend of diego's)'s band from the comics. given there's no reference to it here, there's no viego vibe and klaus is the one playing with it, maybe he plays in it in the show.

honestly, i like that if it's the case. it's important to make vanya's isolation feel total, and as much as the viego vibe matters, it chips away at her being the constant outcast if she always had a companion and even had a whole band with him as a teen.

i like the compromise of giving diego his punk band but changing which sibling he plays with. i'd like to see that in another telling someday (plus, an idea for said evolution: what if it's vanya's idea but he uses it without her).

48:45

constant: five always murders a whole regiment of commission goons in a diner, with agnes bearing witness.

variable: this happens much later in the comics, at a place called costello's, not griddy's. no idea why the name was changed.

i support moving it up in the timeline, because with tv, you need to expand the amount of material you have. and honestly, the dallas arc being combined with apocalypse suite makes... a lot. of sense. and it ensures that diego, whose plotline consists of investigating that attack, has something to do for the season since his viego vibe was removed.

and variable: the family has a personal connection to griddy's, as a place where they used to sneak out together. in the comics, it's just some diner.

i like this change. it gives five a sentimental quality, bolsters the gothic theme, and tells you that the family could and did get along. and that while five was here, they included vanya.

and variable: the goons look much more generic here than they do later in the season, when they match their comics counterparts much more (the bright red gas masks). chalk it up to either budget or playing it safe. if the former, i get it. if the latter, get over it and go for it.

54:40

constant: ben's ghost is always following klaus around

variable: in the show, we learn this immediately. in the comics, it's not until klaus's overdose in hotel oblivion that we learn it

also ben looks totally different. a lot more nightmare fuelish.

maybe it's a budget thing. maybe it's that the show thought ben would look more down-to-earth in a hoodie and leather jacket than a shredded uniform.

either way the change is... okay. it's okay. it looks nice but it really does open a lot of plot holes regarding the mechanics of ghosts in this world. which are made worse in s2, so woo for never planning your worldbuilding out.

at least in s1 we can pretend they had a plan.

55:22

constant: five always approaches a trusted sibling for help with the apocalypse.

variable: who he approaches. in the comics, it's luther. in the show (and pilot), it's vanya.

in all odds, it's vanya here because she's our protagonist and therefore needs to be our viewpoint for all our big exposition moments, but in my heart (and almost certainly by accident in execution, assuming the COMPLETE scene-for-scene, beat-for-beat swap of the viego and fiveya vibes in the adaptation wasn't intentional after all), it's because fiveya.

and constant: we always end our first issue/episode with the revelation that the world will end in a matter of days.

variable: how many days we have left. in the comics, it's three. in the show, it's eight, because more filling. it works, bc we need more time for more episodes, but i'd like to see other versions of the story that shorten things up.

the comics, in their purest form, should honestly just be a series of movies. there's just not enough material to make a television show unless you're willing to pad. this. shit. out. which tuatv is, for better and worse.

so.

man. episode one still is absolutely fantastic. i love it to death. it's the smoothest and most well-written of all the series, and it does a phenomenal job introducing such a batshit world and cast in such an efficient way. jeremy slater built this house. steve blackman burned it down.

and for as many deviations as it takes with the source material... so much of it still rings true. if anything the changes thus far seem to have been made mostly for the sake of streamlining the adaptation, working with the medium constraints of live-action tv, and turning a six-issue comic series (plus its sequel) into ten hours of television.

that being said... you can see the cracks. for now, they're easy to ignore, but knowing where the show ultimately goes... yep.

x | 102 | 103 | 104 | 105 | 106 | 107 | 108 | 109 | 110 | overall

[hoodedwing]

Sleep, Red Bucket

Summary: Tim and Jason work together on a case. Just that, Jason had a hard week and maybe just 3-4 hours of sleep. 

Characters: Jason, Tim, Alfred (mentions), Avalanche (no, not from X-men. It’s an original enemy for a man named Snow here)

Warnings: Child drug rings, Drugs, Wild night terrors, Unconscious self-harm, Vomiting, Blood, Injuries, Swearing,

Additional Notes: I used way too much references from The Crown and this is a sickfic

Word Count: 2,233 words

***

Tim stretches a little from where he's sitting on the couch, running his hand through ebony locks as he tapped away on his laptop. He was secretly glad that he managed to sneak out of the Manor, after being ratted out by Jason for not sleeping. He had barely escaped after being coddled by Dick (that man in spandex sure can hug) and hovered over by Alfred. Sighing contently, he closed the webpage he was on and gave a quick glance at the clock.

It was still eleven, nearing towards twelve actually. He knit his eyebrows in slight annoyance, Red Hood and him had arranged to meet at twelve and he wasn't here yet. Tim assumed Jason probably had a run in with some bitch of a gang or seeing the  kids or whatever he does at Crime Alley. He had long learnt not to touch that area, last time saw him with a batarang held against his throat.

Ironic for someone proclaiming to hate Batman. Tim snorted.

He was well into his thought loop when he heard the sound of metal against his window. Tim's head shot up and he hastily grabbed his bo-staff laying on the couch opposite him. Silently, he crept towards the curtains and laid to wait. The sound grew louder and he heard irritated whispers or the wind, he couldn't exactly pinpoint.

The window opened and Tim nearly smashed the intruder's head from behind when he heard a panicked yell.

"The fuck?!"

Tim breathed a little before yelling back. Oh thank fuck, its Jason only.

"And you couldn't use the damn door like any other human?"

Jason allowed a snort to escape before walking resolutely  to the couch where he sat down rather heavily and let out a small sigh.

"I died, I'm technically not human or I mean does that count?"

Tim rolls his eyes and settles back on the couch where Jason was laying stretched rather lazily and flipping through the case files, with his hood still on.

"So, as far as I know. Snow has multiple bases in Bludhaven. Wonder how Dickface hasn't run into him yet."

"Dick knows him as Avalanche. That's what he calls himself. Different street names."

"He'll fall eventually."

Tim almost laughs but he cannot exactly tell if Jason was joking or just plaintively didn't give two fucks. It also sounded a tad more tired.

"Mhm. Anyways, his largest base is pretty near your territory. I think you know it like the back of your hand."

He offers tentatively, trying to rebalance the edge of tension in the room.

"Yeah. Got it."

"Do you need-"

"No. He's on my turf. I get to take him out."

Jason takes slightly longer than he does to get up.  Tim sees it but doesn't call him out on it. He really doesn't want another stab mark. he watches Jason climb out of the window.

"Oh and Jason?"

Jason turns, in zero mood right now because the small throbbing in his head has grown a little.

"What?!"

"Get some shut-eye."

He scoffs and leaves.

—

Some hours in, Tim decided he wanted coffee so he gets up to go make himself.

He hears a faint rustle and pin drop silence. He quietly grabs the dang bo-staff again. As he creeps along the rooms, he hears the sound getting louder. It sounded like someone was having trouble.

He almost shits himself when he sees Red Hood asleep. In his apartment.

Tim narrows his eyes and does a quick surveillance of Jason's things. He sees empty cartridges and shell casings lying at his feet

The only physical response was Jason's head tilting at an angle and soft snores filtered by the Hood.

Huh, he's back and asleep. Already?

"Jason?"

Tim raised an eyebrow at Jason.

"Mm?"

"Oh good. Just checking if you're alive."

Jason turned on himself, curling his legs under himself.

"Al'wys am, Replac'ment. F'k off. Lemme sleep."

Tim frowned slightly as he inched his hands towards the hood but a gloved hand comes out of nowhere and squeezes Tim's wrist tightly who now lets out a yelp.

-

Tim pours the coffee but the thoughts of Jason doesn't leave his mind. Something wasn't so right about Jason. But then, nothing was ever right with Jason.

Was he bleeding? He did return late from whatever he was up to. He did slur his dreaded nickname. He refused to take off his hood. Was he sick? Did he eat?

He hears a loud scream that interrupts his second thought loop of the night. Tim almost spills the coffee on himself and half stumbles-half runs to the source.

Jason.

"J..Jason?"

Erratic breathing greeted him. Tim steels himself as he nimbly types the correct combination and takes the hood off against Jason's order. He isn't about to let someone die in his apartment.

Why does everything have to end up so damn difficult?

Tim barely glances at Jason as he shakes him.

"Jason. Shh. Jason?"

Jason doesn't comply, the thrashing increases in intensity as he yells his throat raw. He claws his forearms, scratching the scarred skin in nightmare-delirium. He manages to draw blood which gently falls onto the white couch, turning the area into a crime scene wildly in contrast to the source of blood. His eyes were tightly shut, thick black lashes glued to his sweat covered cheeks

Tim restrains Jason, tries to grab his hands but he manages to fucking fling Tim across the table. He crashes at the bookshelf, wincing when his arm whacks against a particularly thick encyclopedia.

Ah, he thought, the pain of knowledge.

He quickly gathers himself and sees Jason thrashing on the couch, whimpering like a wounded animal.

"What the fuck. Jason? Can..can you hear me?"

The whimpers alternate into raw screaming, it leaves Tim's heart cold and skin prickled. He doesn't have to know what Jason is thinking. He needs to snap the nightmare loop before he decided his throat was next and he-

Focus, Tim.

Tim rummages everywhere in the apartment, heartbeat loud in his ears. He knows it was best to wait it out but it was almost like it was a loop. He spots a whistle, one from the Charity Games Bruce hosted. Yeah, he remembered that one pretty well. Grayson won the race and he blew the whistle right in his face. Jason laughed and Barbara poked fun at him later on it.

He quickly blows the whistle at Jason who shot up with a frightening velocity. Tim literally held Jason down, stunned into silence.

"Jason?"

He only pinched his nose-bridge, other hand clenching the couch tightly.

"Do you want water?"

"No"

He barely croaked, turning on himself like a wounded animal.

Tim fetches a glass anyway. He also brought some bandages to wrap his forearms. Quietly, he does so, rubbing alcohol into it alternated with small flinches. When the procedure was done, Tim stepped back a little.

Jason turned on himself again, shaking. His eyebrows were drawn in pain, breaths almost wheezing. His face was now alarmingly pale and eyebags almost like bruises cover below his tired eyes

Tim didn't know what to say to him. Jason might shoot down all chances to talk about it.

"I'm going to take your temperature, is that okay?"

No answer.

Tim awkwardly fumbles around, he needed distraction to come up with a way to talk about it. There was no way he was leaving Jason in that terrifying loop he saw.

He knew he had the latest state-of-the-art thermometer that took temperatures in seconds but he chose the mercury one to buy time he needed to calm himself. He returns back to Jason who sat up again, hand resting under his chin.

"I'm not sick."

A whisper barely above the rattling of the heater.

"I still need to check, I haven't ruled out fever dream. You look like shit."

"Course."

Jason lets Tim do it as he quietly counts to the 180th second. Tim removes it and sees it at 96.

"That's cold."

"Anemic."

"Oh, that wasn't in your files. I'll add that in later."

Jason lies down again and his eyes flutter closed. Tim properly gives Jason a onceover, he looked almost vulnerable underneath the glinting armor.

"You haven't eaten, have you?"

His eyes open slightly again, eyes squinting at Tim's undisguised worry.

"Won't stay down."

Tim bit his lip. This was bad.

"Can you handle some soup?"

"Try to, can't promise."

Tim gets up to reheat the soup Alfred left for him two nights ago but something in him nags to not leave Jason alone with his thoughts. He puts on The Crown and unpaused at where Queen Elizabeth hears about Jackie Kennedy's unflattering comments about her.

Tim quickly takes the soup out and shoves it in the microwave. His work could wait another day or two. He had checked the camera feeds momentarily and saw zero sign of the target.

The microwave beeped and he takes it out, carefully pouring into two bowls and bringing it to the living room where he now sees Elizabeth doing the foxtrot.

Tim places the soup at the table and gives one to Jason who cradles one in his arms, eyes unseeing at the television. Tim carefully watches Jason's face. His cheekbones had hollowed slightly and were clenched. Probably an aftereffect defense mechanism. Tim thinks.

"Do you feel like throwing up again?"

An imperceptible shake as his eyes glue at Philip yell at Charles while dangerously maneuvering the plane with tears streaking down Charles' face. Tim sees something momentarily shift in Jason at dad yelling at son.

Oh shit, trigger, trigger, trigger.

Tim abruptly switches off the television. This time, Jason properly turns at Tim.

"Why?"

Tim narrowed his eyes.

"Its..nothing, Jason. Not letting you go through that hell I saw."

"Funny you say that, been happening for two weeks straight."

Jason spits it with vitriol. Tim physically feels the force of the words. Biting, cold, hard. He moves back, as if the force displaced him. How the hell did Jason still have enough strength to do that? a half of Tim wondered.

He tried to open his mouth but settled to stretching his lips into a thin line.

"I said don't-"

"I'm not about to fucking ask or clarify anything remotely related to what just transpired. Listen to me carefully, all I want to know is whether you're sleeping enough. Yes or no?"

Tim hissed, chin dipping down with practiced ease. Jason seemingly curls onto himself more before grumbling, this time lacking the usual bite.

"Three in four days. Fuckers won't stop fucking recruiting kids on my territory to sell drugs. The hell am I supposed to do? Sleep while the kids get roped in a sick fuck of a game?"

Tim nods in understanding, clearly regretting his outburst. He watches Jason sag heavily against the couch and tip his head back. His eyes were pinched shut this time with his jaw tightening with more of the earlier tension Tim noted. He laid a hand on Jason's temple and carefully, he inched his hand throughout his head, warm fingers making their way through. He hears small sighs of relief when he reaches the sides. Tim slowly maneuvers Jason onto his lap and continues to stroke his sweaty bangs. Jason only winces again at the bright, florescent lights

"Headache?"

"Mhm."

He turns on himself, groaning quietly. he places an arm over his eyes. Tim continues to massage his temples, rubbing reassuring circles.

"How bad?"

"..."

"Want painkillers?"

Jason shakes his head, lights glaring in his eyes and everything spinning.

"Hate..meds. You know..that."

Tim seemed to consider that but got off the couch.

"Be right back, I'll dim the lights."

Jason almost whimpers again at the lack of heat of Tim's fingers as the dull throbbing increased and pounded behind his eyes. Jason wished he could will the damn thing to stop, if he could only sleep it away without the fucking nightmares. He curled on himself for the umpteenth time that night, wishing he was dead again.

He feels a dip in the couch and then firm fingers return, pressing hard. Jason gasped out.

"T..Tim."

"Sorry. Is this better?"

Tim apologetically whispers as he decreases the pressure against the wild throbbing. Jason silently hummed in agreement and leaned into the touches.

"Sorry, I overstayed.. I should go."

"You would, if you slept enough. How many hours did you get just yesterday alone?"

"Got here right after the run-in with Snow and be'fre was the druggists."

Tim narrowed his eyes while Jason closes his, worn out by the small conversation.

“What about you?”

He smiles a little at that, always caring about someone else before himself.

"Alfred made me sleep two nights ago at the Manor. I hid out here to find that intel."

"T'hts n'ce."

Tim places his hand on Jason's shoulder and watches as Jason's breathing evens out into soft snores. He threw on a blanket and quietly took his laptop to begin work, the soft blue glow illuminating the room.

“Tim?”

Jason sleepily opens one eye to where Tim settled down with his laptop. He motions Tim to join him who hesitates before lying down beside him. He presses a quick kiss on Jason’s forehead before adjusting himself under Jason’s neck. Jason only let a small hum of approval before encircling Tim with a soft hug.

“G’night.”

[in-tua-deep]

tua rewatch with the roommate

Episode five

Oh fuck the “I found you. all your bodies.” scene

“We died?” “Horribly.” throwback to the ben convo o o f

“If perfectly arranged under rubble and otherwise unharmed counts as ‘horribly”’  - roommate

I like that Diego says he’s going to kill Hazel and Cha-Cha like it’s a challenge?? lol five doesn’t care if they live or die he only cares if u do you big dumbass

“Well I know none of the main characters die bc there’s a season 2... and i’m pretty sure they’re all in s2... like all of the family?”

I mean luther is kind of valid for being frustrated that five didn’t share about the apocalypse but also like,,, the first person five told about it (Vanya) suggested he might be insane. so. i can understand some reluctance on his part on top of the whole “the last time my siblings fought this the Whole World Died Including Them i would like them as far away from apocalypse stuff as possible”

okay okay so five says “they turned me into the perfect instrument” so do y’all think that implies experimentation like in the comics or ????

all i can think about during the kennedy scene though is my high school history teacher. he went over the assassination in intimate detail and i’m pretty sure he was writing a book about it and everything. mr. hansen if you’re out there - 

i like feral beard five more than mustache five tbh if i’m picking 

“Someone ELSE shot the president? Was he supposed to shoot kennedy or was he supposed to kill the person who shot kennedy?” - Roommate

love that five tells luther to grow up over murder,,, though to be valid pretty sure they did actually murder people as kids SO. grow down?

fuck i love mary,, will you love me like you loved me in the january rain??? just shoot me in the heart

GOD rob is such a good actor

“wait a second... how is he wearing pants?” oh roommate you have a big storm coming

i have some serious questions about the commission and their methods of communication. where do?? the tubes come from? where do they go after?

Allison: i have a bad feeling [about leonard]

where are these instincts for everything else tho??? her marriage?

“Vanya. she really is trying to look out for you. i really would trust her. you could invite her to come along so she can see he’s perfectly fine??” - Roommate, whose instincts regarding not trusting leonard-harold are spot on

apparently my roommate knows people who put salt in their coffee. i have. so many questions.

“That’s suspicious?? that’s suspicious right?? did he do that? is he a secret serial killer? is he a FUCKING secret serial killer?” roommate when they talk about helen cho going missing

“What do you mean stop showing up it’s been like. a day” - I mean. the roommate has a point. 

Klaus’s depression bath is a mood :(

did klaus put eye shadow on before his bath or did he get his hands on eye shadow in vietnam?? the questions that will never be answered

Five is so enthusiastic about having someone who understands... he doesn’t even notice absolutely Not Being In The Mood,, klaus is grieving and five is just like !!! where did you go!!!! like it was a vacation

klaus: yeah i’m ten months older now. when i’m done being depressed i will lord that over diego for the rest of our natural lives.

does five write in all caps all the time?? why? 

roommate: I wonder what the upper size limit on the knives her can use. like is it machete length? forearm length? what are the limits on his powers. if he sharpened a very sharp mechanical pencil could he use it? if he sharpened a piece of the chandelier? at what point does something become a knife?

me: could he hurl mia (my cat)? mia and her knife feet?

allison also writes in all caps to write leonard’s address

we stan agnes and hazel in this household

“I never said we didn’t !! i just thought she was just a random extra in the first episode and every time we cut away i think that’s the last we’ve seen of her” - roommate because i keep saying that this is an agnes stan household

“OH THERE’S THE PATCHWORK COAT i was afraid it didn’t come back” - okay though good question he definitely didn’t have the coat on the bus. what is it with klaus and his magically appearing coat????

oh :(  oh klaus :(  every time klaus is sad i am also sad :(

honestly a family conversation IS the threat in this family

god though this random vet in this bar is actually an asshole though like. klaus doesn’t owe him shit. klaus served. he’s clearly having a moment with the photo. that could have been a family member or something who died i don’t even know

agnes: i’m a twitcher :)

“like a twitch streamer?” -Roommate

PLEASE give me twitch streamer!Agnes au

look i just enjoy hazel and agnes

roommate: honey you’re too young for her

me: NO DON’T BE MEAN TO THEM,,, agnes deserves a boytoy

“does diego drive a manual?” my roommate once again focusing on things that i do not

five: i have to find the people whose deaths could save the timeline

my roommate: is it agnes?? is he going to kill agnes????

i’m still laughing about that fact that luther is holding dolores.... over the fire escape... she couldn’t drop that far lads

luther’s dumb sometimes but he does have some nice heart to hearts with his brother,,,, honestly he and five get along pretty well in the early episodes. kindred spirits. body dysmorphia and isolation squad.

my roommate has to keep remembering social media doesn’t exist in this universe

i am still confused as to why

that won’t stop me from giving everyone iphones and youtube accounts in my aus though

diego can curve ANYTHING he throws, usually knives, according to cha-cha’s research. but that doesn’t explain the spoilers i have seen about s2 sO

Klaus: You also told me that licking a nine volt battery would give me pubes

HOW DID I FORGET THAT LINE

oh diego got a bullet graze forgot about that as well?? does he ever get like. medical attention for that? diego?????

it really has been like. maybe two days since helen cho died. is no one??? concerned????? they just immediately jump into replacing her??????????????????? hellO? 

“very clear camera angles to show that this actress did not actually play the violin for this role” - i mean that’s fair but ellen is trying rip

me: who’s your favorite character so far?  roommate: that’s a tricky question. klaus is very entertaining to watch. allison is the most reasonable and i’m very interested to know, well, she seems like the best combination of reasonable and has the least selfish intentions. diego and luther i feel like are both good in a bland way in that they’re both doing good in the best way they can which usually involves punching people. five is fun. five is very fun. five is as fun to watch as klaus, they’re both very fun actors to watch on screen. they’re more expressive than diego and luther tend to be.  me: so which is your favorite?????  roommate: first instinct says allison, though she probably has the least dynamic or interesting arc so far

are hazel and cha-cha the best because their victims never see them coming?? like. they aren’t really THAT competent.

“I do LOVE the aesthetic of an ice cream truck playing ride of the valkyries” - my roommate is valid

“LOVE the hypersaturated background in this scene. it’s more fun that having it be desaturated.”

five looks so baby in this scene with the handler :(

still unsure where five got that handgun but i’m vibing

hate when she touches his face !! awful!!!

the handler’s little “all of them??” like yeAH ALL OF THEM even though they irritate the living FUCK out of each other. siblings man

ben gets shotgun for the getaway !!! go ben!

“I’m starting to think... given how space and reality seemed to be warping during her playing... that her medication... isn’t for anxiety...” - oh, oh roommate

ah i blocked out the leonard vanya make out as well

“DIDN’T YOU MEET HIM TWO DAYS AGO?” - yeah i feel u roommate

yup there’s helen’s body

“CSI call crime scene investigation - that’s going to start to smell real soon”

pogo: and you understand that the children can never know

me: actually pogo fuck you

and that’s episode 5 everyone thank you and goodnight

episode six

i do love a good flashback to klaus

klaus: sees a shirtless soldier and instantly falls in love

they don’T EVEN QUESTION HIM just “KATZ GET THIS MAN A PAIR OF PANTS” and they go with it?? he just APPEARED and they don’t even care

klaus was really just vibing in the 60s huh

wait this is like 1962 or 63 right

when does s2 take place?? also the 60s right???

didn’t kennedy die in 1963 i feel like what i know about s2 contradicts that date but i could have sworn they said a round trip to 1963??????

luther is SUCH A MOOD in the family briefing.

“aww he’s a bad liar” - roommate

“I realize that [the umbrella] was necessary for the title drop but where the fuck did that come from”

@ the handler please stop touching five,,, but also five has such. non reactions to her touching him. which worries me. like she grabs his shoulder walking alongside him and he doesn’t even look at her

why are there gas masks in the briefcase room...

can you IMAGINE if your boss toted a child into the room and introduced him as the Legendary Time Travelling Assassin that the whole office had a betting pool over who would die that one time and is Definitely approaching 60 not 13... and then called him LEADERSHIP MATERIAL. implying that this child will probably get a promotion before you do?? can you IMAGINE?

“again... two days ago...” roommate about leonard and vanya

vanya really chose literally just the worst time to come back to the academy huh

okay but vanya going off?? valid, but also,, i mean. it IS their dads fault that they don’t have any relationship with vanya?

luther: it’s about the moon  roommate: critical role moon theory

hey like. how did the family get together in the first timeline holy fuck. it’s hard enough to get them together when they Literally Know The World Is Going To End

so remember diego getting grazed with a bullet yeah well he has a sling on now which makes sense!! and yet. when five got grazed by a bullet he SLAPS A BANDAID ON IT. someone please address this.

five is such an asshole coworker i love it

i wonder if dot is a mother. or just a nice coworker. she keeps trying to talk to him and invite him to lunch aww

i wonder if it’s purposeful on the handler’s part to call him “mr. five” instead of “mr. hargreeves” to like... further isolate him from his family? by removing his last name they’re sort of removing his ties to his siblings considering it’s not like they’re related by blood

forgot how much i hate the bathroom scene !! wow !! hate it so much!!! there’s so many violations of social etiquette in such a short scene! it’s so deeply uncomfortable!

luther: stop it pogo! you know everything our dad did

i am remembering once again how much i hate pogo all over again!! reginald literally locked klaus in a mausoleum!! he abused the kids! pogo didn’t even speak up about sending luther to the MOON,,, oh luther :(

he just learned his dad exiled him for no reason he has lots of rights his entire world view was just shattered wow i am like infinitely more sympathetic to luther on the second watch

“I knew allison and luther was a thing. you told me allison and luther was a weird thing. still not a fan.” - my very valid roommate

they could have made the fort so much more sibling-y instead of romantic and it would have been so much better honestly

oh dave :(

“I wonder who her primary care physician is and if she can find out what that medication was...” roommate i wish i knew

“I’m trying to decide if he knew ahead to time to try and get at her specifically or like... i don’t know when he took the figurine I was like ‘doesn’t he own an antique shop is he there to steal antiques from the family home’.” roommate on leonard

forgot the handler gifted five a suit. also don’t like that. don’t like her talk about his body and everything either.

“is it too much to ask to give him two outfits? one he can wear now and one with the new body?” - roommate

honestly with hazel’s talk on budget cuts i’m not surprised he only gets one suit

STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE,,,, HANDLER. STOP TOUCHING HIS FACE

five and his sweet tooth. don’t take the candy five. come on. what did your father TEACH YOU. honestly reggie probably was like “let them get kidnapped it will probably teach them a life lesson”

“there were like... villages that needed rebuilding after disasters. he could have been sending these packages to legit lunar research facilities. legit facilities would have adored to have that information.” 

okay but people KNEW he was on the moon. cha-cha mentioned it. it was in vanya’s book. why were scientists not knocking down reginald’s door demanding the research??? if i was a moon scientist i would have the mansion staked out trying to demand info jesus

“love his eye fluttering in the way of ‘oh shit i got something in my eye i can’t break character scene is still going scene is stILL GOING’“ - hilarious observations from the allison luther fort scene 2.0: grown up version that gets erased

did they just leave the fort up all those years. did no one USE the green house??? did grace lovingly work around it all that time?

oh :(  dave :(

grace is capable of lying and pogo is a shadowy motherfucker

“okay now that they’re actually putting it into the plot i understand why you don’t think he’s trustworthy but you really got on my back about that”

in my defense i just hate him tbh i did not like him when he first showed up and i never particularly liked him tbh

allison: i think you’re the only person who knows who i am and likes me anyway

me, remembering the theory that allison rumored luther to love her: HMMMMMM

okay but i think the luther and allison dance scene is fucking HILARIOUS. absolutely ridiculous. i mean i hate that it’s incest but also the fucking LIGHTS DESCENDING. the RANDOM WARDROBE CHANGE. 

roommate likes the green underskirt thing under allison’s random dance dress

are they just doing this in public???

ugh. the kiss. ugh. erased that from my memory as well

“they clearly want romance in this show but they painted themselves into a corner with the siblings thing” - roommate

five and his fucking STAPLERS isn’t this the second time he’s knocked someone out with a stapler?? the bank robber and now gloria??

five please your siblings were finally doing some decent work on their own issues :/

five is the kind of dramatic as fuck entrances 

“love how he just grabs [allison’s] coffee. kid needs a coffee after all that.” - roommate

five actually does a good job of rallying the siblings though?? they just broke the fuck up in the og timeline

“something tells me that harold jenkins might be leonard”

oh roommate

episode seven

uh oh harold was born

i feel vaguely bad for him

“me the night before a convention” - roommate on harold’s tape and cosplay and everything

okay but how did reginald even KNOW harold jenkins had no powers?? did he? keep tabs on all the forty some kids not just the seven he kept?

but also why the fuck are these people laughing at An Actual Child fuck all of them honestly

“did HE kill hargreeves?? I mean. he’s got motive.” - roommate

harold really said “i think my superpower is actually this hammer motherfucker”

how did he get twelve years?? was he tried as an adult?? was he in juvie? how old WAS he

twelve years ago... they’re 29 soooo seventeen? he did NOT look seventeen? he was NOT seventeen in that flashback what???

roommate theorizes that harold ran off after the murder and committed petty crimes until caught and tried for murder when he was seventeen so was maybe 13 in the flashback

okay so i looked up the timeline and he got out in 2014 or something so he was like 13 in the flashback which makes SO much more sense honestly but also what the FUCK was he doing for five years

“he’s actually laying out all the facts as he knows them and I appreciate that.” -roommate about five briefing the team

five?? the only member of the family with communication skills? it’s? somehow more likely than you think?

“allison’s pants that she’s wearing now are the most perfectly tailored things i’ve ever seen. not even a wrinkle when she’s standing still. do you know how hard that is to do?” again my roommate noticing the things i absolutely do not

five. five. you have a GUT WOUND and also jumped a BUNCH OF TIMES. you are not blinking into the police station and getting the file. you need some SLEEP. and REST. and WOUND CARE FIVE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. you still have a GUNSHOT GRAZE on your upper arm and a SLICE on your wrist from DIGGING OUT A TRACKER. FIVE.

diego wants to be batman SO BAD.

five crossing his arms and Not Uncrossing Them because he’s literally HOLDING HIMSELF TOGETHER.

wow luther is really handling this so much worse in this timeline rip

luther is losing validity points for CHOKING KLAUS i knew this happened but i didn’t remember how awful it was !!! bad and terrible! and luther is very drunk and very sad and very angry. oh. he’s saying he never left the house and never had friends for nothing :(

klaus had the realization that reggie was an asshole YEARS ago and he’s just kind of like “aww. luther :(” 

klaus is trying so hard

“Klaus has had the most heart to hearts with the most siblings honestly.” - roommate

allison at the beginning making her laugh in the office with the EYES, five on the steps of meritech, diego after the vet bar, luther on the couch...

wow cha cha really thought hazel was talking about how meaningful his partnership was with her when he was talking about agNES

five limping up the lawn and staggering up the stairs and clinging to the rails baBY SIT DOWN. YOU ARE BLEEDING.

“inspiring leadership” “one of the greats” what a sibling moment honestly.

five really said “i think i will pass the fuck out now”

five really said “hey i am literally willing to die for this mission because this mission is the safety and lives of my entire family and i love you guys :(”

except he doesn’t because five is decent at information sharing but getting feelings out of him feels like pulling teeth at times smh

is leonard trying to vicariously live his “normal child born on the umbrella academy day discovers they have had powers the WHOLE TIME” dream through vanya??

we yell about how leonard and vanya have known each other for like a week but i mean same for hazel and agnes!! he’s literally asking her to run away with him and she says yes !!!!! agnes is here for the romantic adventure with this man she’s really living her first hot girl summer and living for it

“she’s having her own little rom com! she thinks she’s living in a rom com not a dark sci fi!” - roommate accurate as usual

she just called ben the emotional support ghost and i mean... she ain’t wrong

honestly klaus should have just left luther to his rave, he didn’t get to party in his teens or during his college years or anything

i do appreciate the viking yell of “B R O T H E R” that luther greets klaus with though because that’s exactly how i greet my own siblings whenever i see them

oh klaus :(

oh klaus :(

he’s having war flashbacks, cravings, is in withdrawal, AND experiencing sensory overload while reliving one of the more traumatizing moment of his life

oh klaus :(

five in a bed for the second time of the season which is nice for him. if only the first time wasn’t because he passed out drunk and the second time wasn’t because of a whole shrapnel wound. i am now that captain of the Let Five Sleep brigade holy SHIT like at least they imply that the others sleep five is just feral and ready to go at all times

are the police allowed to just. remove someone’s arm sling? is that permitted? his arm could be fucked up? i mean. it is? he was shot?

“I saw everything my brothers and sister could do ruin their lives” VANYA some REALIZATION up in here,,,, admitting that the umbrella academy wasn’t exactly a desirable place to be is actually some real growth for her and leonard just fucking shuts her down? fuck that man

VANYA SEE THE RED FLAGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE COME ON

oh klaus :(  oh luther :(  oh :(

“love his corset side pants, like benedict from violet evergarden” - on the topic of Klaus’s pants

“I made everyone else so I must have made you” says god except for the fact that the kids just... surprise popped up instead of coming about the natural way. maybe god DIDN’T made them????????

oh klaus :(  prepare for disappointment :(

oh i didn’t notice the photos of the umbrella academy in the barbershop the first time i watched this

so klaus gives an age for the mausoleum... thirteen... do you think that was before or after five left? statistically it’s probably after bc it was only a couple of months after they turned thirteen that five vanished

Klaus’s “we were just kids” breaks my heart every time

if i was one of reggie’s kids i would have just not gone to the funeral. rip to the hargreeves kids but i’m different

he doesn’t even call klaus klaus in death, he still calls klaus number four. fuck that man.

“i was gonna say i’d have been very very surprised if they kept him dead” - roommate on klaus waking up

“Five bucks says he set these guys up to try and get something out of her” - the roommate being very perceptive

cha cha is VERY rude to my girl agnes

honestly why DIDN’T hazel just kill cha cha after her whole speech and threats about killing agnes slowly in front of him???? like he literally watched her try to kill him as well

why wasn’t diego arrested in the original day that wasn’t actually?? he was being considered already. he still left the house, albeit with grace instead of allison. why wasn’t he arrested then???????? 

roommate thinks it’s interesting how committed the show is to their old timey shit. she used a nicer words like anachronisms but the point is: w h y

are these episodes even longer than i remember?? holy SHIT

[mrsdr-ethan-ramsey]

Rookie (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Y’all, I couldn’t stop myself from writing this at like 12:30 last night. I literally fell asleep writing, but I needed to feel more angst. Honestly my biggest fear is that Ethan will start calling someone else Rookie. Plus it was an excuse not to do homework. I hope you all like it! (Also if you have any ideas or requests with Ethan, I would be more than excited to try to write them!)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Parker Kennedy)

Summary: When Parker hears Ethan call another intern Rookie, she can’t stop herself from confronting him.

Warnings: Angsttttttt, cause I love and hate how much Parker and Ethan hurt right now

Word Count: ~2500

‘So far, so good’ Parker thought as she maneuvered through the familiar halls of Edenbrook. She was off to pick up her intern, Esme Ortega, after delivering the results from the diagnostics patient she tested early today. She felt like she was on autopilot as she thought back to her discussion with Dr. Ramsey.

“We’ll be okay. We’ll make it work.”

Her heart still stopped as she thought about those words. To anyone else it would sound like they were talking about work; about their professional relationship. But they weren’t. He held her hand as he told her those words. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand so lightly that if she hadn’t looked down she probably would have missed it. Was he talking about their work relationship? A little bit. Was he talking about their personal relationship? She hoped to some greater being that he was. Needless to say, she felt like she was on top of the world.

Once she reached the nursing desk, she found Esme talking with Jackie and her intern, Molly Addison, adamantly. Parker put her best smile on her face as she came over.

“Hey all! How were rounds? Sorry I had to miss it Esme.”

Esme looked over at Parker, obviously not enjoying her peppy attitude. “It was fine.”

“Oh my gosh, no it was amazing!” Molly squealed. At this, both Jackie and Esme cringed. Parker hid her slight annoyance for the young red head as she gushed about all the ‘super cool!’ things they had seen! Parker only slightly regretted asking her about rounds, but she was happy that the young intern was enjoying her time at Edenbrook.

“I’m glad you’re finding your place here!” Parker smiled, “But I’ve got to talk to Esme about a couple things. We’ll see you guys later!”

Esme quickly followed Parker whispering a small ‘Thank God’ as Jackie sighed, being left with the human version of sunshine and bubble gum.

***

After a couple hours of showing Esme the ropes and watching her present her case, she finally found herself back at the nurse’s station. She was about to congratulate Esme on her stellar performance so she could see her roll her eyes again before she heard a deep voice call down the hall.

“Rookie!”

Parker’s head immediately snapped to the familiar voice, ready to go help with Dr. Ramsey with whatever he needed. Just as she was about to head over, she watched Molly skip over.

“Yes Dr. Ramsey?” She asked sweetly, her voice dripping with desire.

Parker couldn’t hear the rest as her high from earlier quickly died. He obviously called her that before because she came right over and he started talking to her. When did he start calling other people Rookie? That was her nickname! Right? Although, he did seem reluctant to call her Rookie when she saw him at Donahue’s…but that doesn’t matter. The point is, he had only ever called her rookie. Now suddenly this beautiful intern was Rookie?

“Woah, Parker. Don’t think too hard. There’s going to be smoke coming from you soon,” Elijah called, snapping her out of her internal panicking.

Parker turned to see Elijah and Sienna coming up, their interns following close behind. They seemed good, not overly excited like Molly but more open to conversation than Esme.

“Second year doctors meeting only,” Parker said quickly, tugging Sienna and Elijah some ways away from their interns.

“What’s up P?” Elijah asked.

“That!” Parker whispered angrily as she gestured towards Dr. Ramsey and Molly talking down the hall. “He called her Rookie!”

At this, both the doctors’ eyes widen.

“Seriously?!” Sienna exclaimed. She wouldn’t be happy to beat up Dr. Ramsey, but if Parker needed her to she would happily kick his ass back to the Amazon.

All three of them turned their eyes turned back to Dr. Ramsey and the intern. He must have felt their eyes on him, because his attention immediately turned and shot them a little glare. In panic the three quickly ran off with their interns, hoping to avoid the wrath of Dr. Ramsey.

***

Parker tried not to think about how betrayed she felt. She really did, but it always seemed to be nudging her in the back of her mind no matter where she was. She bumped into six different people because she had been so distracted about it. That’s how she ended up wide awake in her bed at 2:30 am. Her body rolling around under the covers, hearing Ethan say Rookie only to have the young intern bounce up to him happily. She was pretty, Parker did have to admit that. Her hair was naturally red, layered with different shade of red and orange that made it look like flames. She was small with a near perfect figure. Parker, on the other hand, was scrawny right now and slowly starting to gain weight now that Sienna was making sure she ate three meals a day. While Parker had brown-green muddy eyes, Molly’s eyes were crystal blue. Seriously, how could a man resist a girl like Molly?!

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the desperation to know what was going on, but Parker found herself climbing out of bed quickly. She pulled on leggings and a baggy sweatshirt before she called an Uber. Tip toeing through her apartment, she was glad Landry was no longer there. If he had, she wouldn’t be surprised if he was up ‘getting ready to go to the hospital’ as this time. She rolled her eyes at this thought before slipping a pair of shoes on and hurriedly leaving her building.

The ride was short without the normal traffic of the busy city. 2:45 was an excellent time to drive through Boston, Parker thought as she stared out the window at the lights flying by. The towering buildings were a dramatic change from her Midwest home, and she loved it. She was meant to be here; she could feel it deep within her.

Once at Ethan’s apartment, she thanked her driver and tipped her generously for driving her at such an awful time. Parker than moved towards the familiar building, pressing his apartment number praying the buzzing would wake him up. After a bit with no response, she repeatedly hit the button over and over (she knew this would annoy him awake).

“I swear if this is a prank I will call the cops,” she heard Ethan’s familiar voice crackled angrily through the intercom, Jenner barking in the background.

Quickly, she hit the speak button and said urgently, “Ethan! It’s Parker! I need to talk to you, now!”

“Parker?” He sounded confused, and tired.

Before she could reply, she heard the lock click. She didn’t waste any time getting into the building, hitting the number for his floor. The elevator shot up, brining her closer to a sleepy (and more than likely pissed) Ethan Ramsey. When she was outside his door, she hesitated. Was she really going to barge into Ethan’s apartment and demand to know why he’s calling Molly, Rookie? This was crazy! She was crazy! She should just go home, and if Ethan asks her just deny, deny, deny. She could convince him it was a dream, right? Ugh, who was she kidding. Ethan’s too smart to fall for that plan, she thought. Instead, she stood at the door; petrified as she lifted her hand and knocked gently against the wood.

Ethan had never been a heavy sleeper, so when he heard his buzzer go off the first time he thought it had been someone hitting the wrong number. After it keep going incessantly and Jenner started barking, he forced himself out of his light sleep to scare the kids ringing his buzzer shitless. He had been more than surprised to hear Parker’s voice and quickly let her into the building, assuming that something had happened. He couldn’t think of another reason as to why she’d come 3 am. He swung the door open, preparing for the worst, but was surprised to see her completely fine.

“Parker, what’s wrong?”

Hearing his voice, heavy and low with sleep she lost her train of thought. All she could think about was how she had woken up to that voice before. How he kept her in bed as long as possible, knowing that when they left her room it’d be over. She just hadn’t expected him to replace her so quickly.

“Did I mean nothing to you?” she whispered, barely audibly. Tears threatened to stream, but she refused to cry in front of him. She already felt like a child compared to him, if she cried in front of him it would be the icing on the cake. But Ethan could easily see through her, so he opened the door wider to let her in. He wouldn’t let her cry in the hallway.

As she crossed into his space, Ethan’s brows furrowed in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Rookie.”

Ethan’s face flushed. “You heard that?”

Radio silence. Neither knew what to say to make this situation better. There was an invisible wall between the two and neither were quite sure how to take it down. Parker had tried that first night at Donahue’s when she kissed him, only to receive the nicest rejection she had ever gotten. She had hoped that seeing her and kissing her again would remind him of what they had before he vanished. Unfortunately, he had a much better resolve than her. So now she didn’t know what to do. She had no backup plan on how to win him back over.

“If you weren’t interested in me, you could have just told me…if you just wanted someone prettier you could have just said, you didn’t need to string me along for two months and then flirt with another girl in front of me to make that point.”

“I wasn’t flirting with her Parker. Christ.” He ran his hands through his bed head. How had she gotten that from one conversation with an intern whose name he couldn’t even remember? Did she really think that he’d try to get with an intern when he just told her that they need to keep a professional relationship? Did she really think that low of him?

He locked eyes with her. “I didn’t know her name and couldn’t be bothered to ask.”

Parker looked back at him, begging his deep ocean eyes to tell her the truth. She saw that he was actually hurt that she had thought he was flirting with another intern. She felt stupid for jumping to conclusions, but it had hurt to hear him call another person ‘Rookie’. If he was looking for a sure way to drive her crazy, he found it without even trying.

“I…I guess I had always thought I was your Rookie. I didn’t think you’d drop it as soon as you got back…”

“Parker,” he said gently, “You’re not a Rookie anymore. You’re a skilled doctor who earned her way onto the nation’s top diagnostics team. I assumed you wouldn’t want me calling you that anymore.”

He was right, as usual. Anyone else listening in would probably find the nickname degrading, not endearing like she did. She couldn’t fight his rationale behind the name change, so instead she looked down at her feet like a child caught stealing a cookie. Ethan looked at her small frame, finally analyzing her. She seemed a little off than what he had remembered her being two months ago. She seemed a little duller, not as wide-eyed and hopeful as she did when she first walked through Edenbrook. He hated that she lost her sparkle under his watch; he had no one to blame but himself.

Parker made her way to the floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the bay as she crossed her arms protectively in front of her. She was putting up a barricade around herself, hoping to ease the pain. If the wall between them wasn’t coming down, she’d simply put one around herself to stop her from trying to scale or break it down to get to him. “You still have the best view in all of Boston.”

“I’ve learned to appreciate it more,” Ethan said with a sad smile, thinking about how Parker had pointed the view out to him the first night they were together. That felt so long ago. He studied her shrunken frame. She looked at home in his space. He loved that, but he knew he shouldn’t get used to it.

Ethan heard her let out a small yawn, reminding himself of the time. “Why do you get a little rest before your shift. You take my bed; I’ll take the couch.”

At the offer, Parker turned back to look at him. “Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’m fine on the couch.”

“Nope. My house, my rules.” He insisted, as he lead her into his bedroom. He made quick work ordering Parker to take off her shoes and get in the bed. Once she was laying down, he pulled the covers up around her.

Parker let out a yawn as she looked up at Ethan sleepily. “Thank you.”

“You’re always welcome here Parker.”

As she closed her eyes and flipped onto her stomach, Ethan couldn’t stop his heart from going wild. Seeing Parker Kennedy back in his bed made him wish that he could wake up to this view every day. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed next to her and pull her into his chest, whispering sweet nothings as she drifted off. Fuck, he had never been a romantic before she came barging into his life. He hated that she did this to him, but loved it just the same. Fighting every urge in his body to get into the bed, he walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch. Flicking on the lamp, he slid his glasses on and began to read a new medical journal as Jenner slept happily at his feet.

***

The morning had been weird for Parker and Ethan, but they maneuvered it as gracefully as they could…like a baby giraffe learning how to walk. They stumbled around kitchen making coffee and toast. He even offered to give her a ride to the hospital. As they walked in, they saw Baz walking in as well, so Ethan (ever so smooth) made the comment that ‘He and Dr. Kennedy had met early to discuss her role on the team’. Parker couldn’t help but smile at this as she went off to find Esme and start the day.

Late in the afternoon at the nurse’s station, Parker caught a glimpse of Dr. Ramsey talking to Molly again. Her stomach flipped and she tried not to listen in to the conversation…but she really couldn’t help herself.

“Dr. Addison, I expect the results on my desk by 6. And your patient better not be dead.” He said sternly, leaving Molly with a shocked look on her face. 

As Dr. Ramsey stormed off, he met Parker with a soft smile. He may not call her Rookie at work, but he knew he couldn’t call anybody else her nickname.

[youralternantpersonality]

You’ve Got It Bad

Seth x Reader: Wanting you

Part 1: “Dreams” by Ella Eyre

Part 2: “You’ve Got It Bad” by Usher

Part 3: “Never Give Up on Love” by Bobby Tinsley

***

Y/n POV

Oh, no, no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Ooh

When you feel it in your body You found somebody who makes you change your ways Like hanging with your crew Said you act like you're ready But you don't really know And everything in your past, you wanna let it go

Over the past few months, Seth and I have been…I don’t know…pulling towards one another. Literally. I didn’t notice at first, but Kayla pointed it out one day after school on our day off. It was shocking, to be honest. I never saw it before, and when she explained with facts, I couldn’t deny nor confirm it. But after that conversation, I did notice there was a change.

“I’m telling you, Y/n!”

“Shhhh! You’ll wake up the monster.” I say, whispering to her. The monster, aka one of my two guardians Taylor. Taylor can be described as a temperamental ass bitch. I mean, Kennedy isn’t any better, but at least their words aren’t harmful like Taylors. They’ve never put their hands on me (because they know I will knock their necks), but they are slightly intimidating.

“Sorry. But still, for example, usually in Mr. Harpender's class, you guys would sit on the opposite end of one another. Suddenly, you guys are now in the middle of the class. If Jeffery Delmer wasn’t a teacher-pet and had to be at the desk before everyone else, I swear you guys would be on top of one another by this point.” She smiles with excitement while I roll my eyes.

“Well, regardless, he hasn’t been at school in, what, a month or so? So, who knows? Maybe if he comes back, we’ll see.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Look, I’m just saying, you should make the first move. Look at him! He’s such a sweetheart and a cutie! He looks in your direction all of the time.” I feel a rush of heat consume my cheeks as my face brings up a smile.

“I’ll think about it…IF he comes back. If not, then it was just meant to be as such.” Kayla rolls her eyes and plops over to the other side of the bed.

“You’re lame.”

That night, as I was lying in bed, I thought about what Kayla said and how we had gravitated towards each other. The feeling is, nice? Frustrating? Overwhelming? I don’t know, it just feels-

“What was that?” I whisper to myself. I look towards where the noise was coming from and walk over to the window to check. I slightly pull my covers back, and I look around. I suddenly remember the dreams that would display almost every other night. The one where Seth comes to my window but wake up before anything happens.

As I search for what it could have been, my eyes land on something that I can’t see. I know whatever it is, they’re watching me watch them watching me. I don’t move my eyes from them until I hear a creak in the floorboard in the hallway. I turn to look at the door, then look back outside. Whatever is out there is gone. I rush—quietly—back to my bed and play as if I fell asleep. I suck at acting, so I grab a book and lay in an awkward position sitting up so that if they look in my room, I’ll have a reason as to why my light that I stupidly neglected to turn off is still on.

“Wretched child…” Kennedy said as she comes in. I “wake” up to see her looking at me and act as if I was asleep.

“What have I told you about keeping the light on past 8:30. And why are you still up?” I roll my eyes and respond in a tired voice.

“I didn’t mean to,” I toss my book on my side table, “I was reading and fell asleep,” I say, moving into a more comfortable position. Ken rolls their eyes, leaves, and almost slams the door shut. I’ll never understand their issue with me. But then again, I am, and I quote, “trophy child. To show the community that they care and were willing to take in a ‘troubled’ teen out of the system” end quote.

I wasn’t troubled, and I wasn’t in the system. My parents knew them and trusted them with their guardianship while they went on their 2-year missionary trip. But no matter what I tell my parents, it’s always conveyed back to them, and I get the fucked-up end of the stick. Because, you know, who would believe in the teenager that has sent countless of proof of the fucked-up situation you put the child in.

I've been there, done it, fucked around After all that, this is what I found Nobody wants to be alone If you're touched by the words in this song Then baby

You got it, you got it bad When you're on the phone Hang up and you call right back You got it, you got it bad If you miss a day without your friend Your whole life's off track You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house You don't wanna have fun It's all you think about You got it bad when you're out with someone But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else You got it bad

The following week, Seth came back and hot-fucking-damn. Wherever he disappeared off to change him that much, bless them oh so dearly.

“Hey, there’s your boyfriend.” Orion nudges me; I turn to look at him and Kayla and tell them to shut up. I guess Orion said it loud enough because not only Seth, but some of his other friends that consisted of Jared, Paul, Embry, Quil, and Jake all turned to us, and I had never felt more embarrassed than now. I hear Kayla and Orion still laughing, so I take the opportunity to bump Orion (lightly) towards Kayla and watch them almost fall on one another in the hallway. I can feel them look at me, and I try to ignore it by laughing, turning around, and head to class.

“Hey!” Orion yelled.

“Damnit, Orion! You’re heavier than you look!” Kayla said.

“No! You’re just weak.” Orion came back.

Seth’s POV

“So…” Embry started.

“Not now, Em,” I said, rolling my eyes, already knowing what was about to come next.

“Yeah! Lay off, little stalker. It’s not his fault that he couldn’t resist knowing if Y/n is his imprint or not.” Paul said. I push him off me and straighten my shirt.

“Yeah, well, at least he found out that she was. YOU, however, are still seeking and hoping you do.” Jared says. Paul looks at him as if he’s offended.

“I thought you were on my side?!” He shrugs his shoulder while finishing up his pancake in his hand.

“Anyways, now I say you REALLY have a reason to talk to her. You remember what Sam said-” Quil said,

“Before or after yelling at him for running off?” Embry asked,

“Both. You can’t run away from your imprint. No matter how hard you try. So, go up to Y/n. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“She rejects him” –Embry,

“Kicks him in the balls”—Paul. I grabbed myself a little. I’ve seen her on the soccer field…that would hurt.

“Laugh-in his face” –Jared,

“Puke?” –Quil,

“Why is that a question?” Jake asked.

“She doesn’t seem like the type to do it,” Quil responded, and everyone nodded in agreement.

“Can you guys shut up!” I say, walking into the school. Jake catches up with me while the other guys laugh.

“You know they’re kidding, right. She’s not going to do anything like that. I told you before, she does like you. I have Kayla in my history class, and I saw your name was mentioned in their group chat.”

“But did you see what it said completely?”

“Well…no. But according to Bella, that could be a good thing.”

“Yeah, could, but it could not be.”

“Oh, come on, Seth, you’re bringing us down. You’re supposed to be the cheerful one of us. Paul is Satan-” Jared said, ignoring Paul’s reaction

“Hey!”

“Embry is the awkward one,” he continued,

“I take offense to that…”

“Jake is the lover boy, a self-reserved cupid even,”

“Seriously, man?” Jake whined

“Quil is…well…Quil.”

“Yeah! Wait…” Quil responded, confused.

“You are the cheerful one. And I am the handsome one! We all have a role, and we all need to stick with it.” Jared finishes. I won’t deny that that didn’t put a grin on my face, but what put on a full-blown smile was what I heard not too far from where we were standing in the hallway.

“Hey, there’s your boyfriend,” Orion whispered. Without the enhanced hearing we have now, I would have never heard that in this loud hallway. Then in unison, we all looked in their direction. When I made eye contact with Y/n, I could basically feel the embarrassment flowing off her. She looks towards her laughing friends (who noticed us looking too), nudges Orion, who was off-balanced, who knocks into Kayla and on to the floor. Avoiding our gaze, she smiles and walks towards her class.

“Well, I guess you really don’t have an excuse to not ask her out, huh, buddy,” Paul says, patting my shoulder and walking to class.

“Wait for me, Satan!” Quil says behind him.

When you say that you love 'em And you really know Everything that used to matter, it don't matter no more Like my money, all my cars (You can have it all and) Flowers, cards and candy (I do it just cause I'm) Said I'm fortunate to have you girl I want you to know I really adore you All my people that know what's going on Look at your mate, help me sing my song Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man Promise to love you the best I can

All-day today, I had been coming up with a plan to go and talk to her. Paul advised me to meet her after school and just ask her. Believe it or not, he isn’t that bad. He’s an ass, that’s for sure, but out of everyone, he might play jokes on you, but he’s the most honest.

“But how! I’m not you, Satan. I’m a saint, not a sinner.” He gives me a side-eye and rolls them.

“You’re lucky I like you more than the others. Look, she works at the diner, right? Just go to the diner and sit at one of the tables she waits for and start there. Be slow and careful; don’t be like Jared’s dumbass and basically scare her off within the first introduction of meeting each other.” I laugh and nod.

“Thanks, man.” He nods, and we head towards his truck.

After getting home, I talk to my dad for a while and tell him my plan. He was happily surprised at Paul’s advice. I tell him I’ll be back before dinner and head over to the diner. I was tempted to take the shortcut and shift, but I already know Sam will kick my ass. So, I just settle jogging up there. I’ll sike myself out if I think too hard on it.

See I've been there, done it, fucked around After all that, this is what I found Everyone of y'all are just like me It's too bad that you can't see That you got it bad, hey

You got it, you got it bad When you're on the phone Hang up and you call right back You got it, you got it bad If you miss a day without your friend Your whole life's off track You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house You don't wanna have fun It's all you think about You got it bad when you're out with someone But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else You got it bad

I make it to the diner and place myself in one of her booths. I can see her talking to Orion while stacking up her tray for the table nearby. After she drops off their food, she heads over to me. I act as if I need to look at the menu and watch her from my peripheral vision and sees she sees me and almost hesitates to come by. She does, and when I look at her, I’m lost for words. I forgot where I was for a few seconds, and I somehow managed to talk first.

“Hi,” I say. She snaps out of it and smiles.

“Hi. Um, hey,”

“Hey.” I smile back.

“Hey, um. So, uh, wha-what can I get for you?” she said softly. I smile and order a double stack burger, some fries, and a Dr. Pepper. And she left to go ring it up and place the order. I pull out my phone to act as if I was busy doing something, and I overhear (not intentionally!) her conversation with Orion.

“Bravo! That was wonderful to watch.” He said, attempting to keep it together. “But if it makes you feel better, he looked like he was lost. If neither one of you had said something, I would have paid you back from earlier and knock you over.” I smiled. I wouldn’t complain about catching her since I’ve already fallen for her.

“Will you shut up. Last time you said something, he and his friends heard it.” She sticks her middle finger at him and brings my drink.

“Here you go. Sorry about that. Is there anything else I could get for you while you wait for your food?” she asked politely.

“No, thanks, though.” As she turns to leave, something without my consent calls her again,

“Wait.” She turns back around, “Do you have the assignment for Mr. Harpender’s class. I haven’t been at school for a while, and my cousin is really strict with getting back on track.” She smiles and nods her head.

“Yeah, I have it in my backpack. I can run out and go get them for you.”

“Sure. But um, it can wait until afterward. I don’t, you know, want to get your notes all messed up or anything.” She smiles and says, ok. Another family comes in, and she excuses herself to help them. I take this time to calm my nerves. Orion brings my food and slides in the opposite booth.

“So, asked her out yet? And don’t give me that look; everyone and the teachers can see how badly you guys like each other. Look, I know you’re shy, and all, but I’m here to inform you that she will say yes, her favorite color is ____, she hates _____, and she thinks, well thought, your long hair was overly luscious and was jealous of you. Anyways, good luck!” he says, but turns around and says, “And if you hurt her, I’ll kill you with a napkin.” And walks away.

Narrators POV

After eating, Seth decided to help Y/n with cleaning the table. He pays for his meal and walks to her car with him. She goes to the trunk of her car to get the notes out for him. She makes sure all is in there and double-checks that it isn’t her doodle notebook containing some secrets and doodles he never should see.

“Here you go! Just, you know, let me know if you need any help. I know sometimes my handwriting can be sloppy, but if it’s hard to read, just tell me.” She says, smiling and closing her trunk.

“Yeah, I will-” a horn goes off, and a female voice is calling towards the two.

“Hey, little shit! Come on! Mom said dinners ready!” Seth rolls his eyes at his sister Leah.

“Sorry about her, that’s my sister Leah. Great, isn’t she?” She smiles and laughs lightly. “but anyways, thanks to Y/n/n. I’ll let you know if I have any trouble. Which, I probably will, but just in case, I’ll let you know. Oh! Before I forget! This is for you.” Seth handed her $5 for gratuity and ran to the truck.

“Thanks! Have a good evening!” and walks into the diner. It wasn’t until she got home and counted her cash that she noticed a piece of a torn off napkin folded inside of the $5. When she opened it, she saw scratchy handwriting that had a set of numbers and a name.

555-123-0987

Text me sometime if you’d like.

-Seth.

“Even when you’re not in person, you manage to be polite and shy.” She shakes her head and takes a leap of faith.

Y/n to Seth: Hey! It's Y/n. Lol, I see you have some tricks up your sleeve. But anyway, how’s the notes coming along?

Seth to Y/n: Hey! Well, you know, I try at least. I have to take my shot. And I assume it’s working? And they’re helpful! I just might need tutoring for the makeup exam.

Y/n to Seth: Lol, I promise, it's working Seth 😊. And sure! I’m off Fridays and Saturdays, and I only work morning shifts on Sundays. Just let me know when, where, and what time.

Seth to Y/n: Good! Cause this would be so embarrassing, and I would beg you to not tell anyone, ha-ha. How about Friday at the library? Afterschool? Or Saturday if that’s better! We could meet at a friend of my place. She’ll even provide snacks 😉.

Y/n to Seth: Ha-ha, Friday is fine. If we need to, we can use Saturday as a touch up/review. I mean if she doesn’t mind…. :/

Seth to Y/n: She won’t, I promise. But I’ll ask to ease your worries 😊

Y/n to Seth: Lol, thanks! Well, imma head to bed. Night Seth!

Seth to Y/n: Night Y/n/n!

Y/n couldn’t help but go to bed easy that night with a smile on her face but a hint of worry in the back of her mind. Whereas she wanted to be happy, she was having a hard time because the thought of her overly religious parents and rude guardians knowing about him would just bring hell. What also worries her is that if she does keep going and they become a thing, would she argue like Taylor and Kennedy?

On the other side of the line was a boy surrounded by his brethren’s making fun of him for texting his imprint. And to all surprises, Sam joined in.

“Oh, leave him alone! I’m glad Seth is with Y/n! She’s an amazing person and perfect for him. And plus, Jared, need I remind you that you were 40 times worse than that?” Emily said. Bless this woman, Seth thought.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the help of Paul, to be honest. I had to channel my inner Paul. Well…the flirty side, or, at least I tried.” Seth said, Paul smiled, and everyone was shocked.

“Satan helped you?” Jake said.

“If someone calls me Satan one more time…”

“Fine, Lucifer.” Jared says, then turns to me, “You really had this guy help you? And not me?”

“The situation with Kim…” was all I said.

“Is everyone going to always bring that up?!” Jared argued.

“Yes.” We all said in unison.

You got it, you got it bad When you're on the phone Hang up and you call right back You got it, you got it bad If you miss a day without your friend Your whole life's off track You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house You don't wanna have fun It's all you think about You got it bad when you're out with someone But you keep on thinkin' 'bout somebody else You got it bad

 MasterList

[swamplatibule]

Paramay Prompt Three! Para+Childhood

I HAVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR FOUR MOTHERFUCKING DAYS NOW AND I HAVE NO REGRETS :DDDD

this has not been proofread it is 10 at night, I am exhausted, please accept my humble offerings

Damn, only prompt three and I’m already forced to reveal everyone’s tragic backstory oh well lol

Trigger warnings: Abuse, arson, su•c•de, death, homophobia, murder, gun mention

tw; death mention

Alright alright alright let’s fuckin goooo we’ll start off with Hollister, her childhood is no doubt the easiest to write since it’s basically been the same her whole life.

She never met her parents. She doesn’t know if they’re dead, or if they just decided they didn’t want a kid, or if something else happened, and she doesn‘t care. It’s not her problem. At least, she tells herself that, but she really isn’t 100% sure that it wasn’t somehow her fault. Poor baby.

She‘s completely grown up in the foster care system, bouncing from home to home. Hollister kept running away, getting caught, and being sent somewhere else. She’s also, guess what, a fucking genius with technology.

One time she tried running away and then erasing herself from the system. It didn’t work, but nobody realized that she’s tried to do it, so it’s fine, nothing went wrong.

A few weeks into her newest home, one of the other foster kids named Silas (who she’d been fast friends with) went missing days after developing a weird anti-gravitational power. And so she tried to find him. She stumbled across the Starwritten Society - when I say “stumbled across” I mean she followed a few very questionable leads on, like, conspiracy theory websites and shit and actually found something - and hacked into the archives, trying to find some sort of info.

Now, you can imagine the panic that caused in the Society. Complete lockdown. The Starwritten Society is top-secret, and nobody just hacks into the archives that easily. She didn’t actually find anything, one because she didn’t get time to look around before the security system actually started working and kicked her out, and two because Silas just wasn’t in the records anyway, meaning he’d disappeared some other way.

However, before she could go out looking for him, there were three agents knocking at the door, having tracked her location here. And you can imagine the looks on their faces when they saw that the person who had caused the mass panic that morning was none other than some kid with a computer that looked home-made.

Things happened, she asked to join because, y’know, fuck yeah secret society, paperwork was filed, and she got in. She’s currently the youngest trainee to join the Society in seventy-four years. Also, fun fact, they had to fill out the adoption papers and such, so she’s listed as the child of Director Iara Adams. Which isn’t that big of a deal, since literally every kid in need of adoption taken in by the Society is adopted under her name, and most have only interacted with her like once, but... it’s a cool world building detail I felt like I needed to add.

Anyways, ONWARD!!!

——————————————

tw; homophobia

Kennedy was born in a pretty influential family with very “traditional” values. They kinda suck, so we won’t get too into that shithole.

Each generation of that family has had like six kids, and every single time, one turns out to be lgbtq+ and gets ✨disowned✨because the parents are just kinda assholes. It’s just this never-ending cycle.

Suffice it to say, Kennedy - being a flaming bisexual and all that - got disowned when she was like twelve after one of her siblings outed her by accident. Her uncle took her in. Guess what? He had also been disowned! When he was fifteen!

And he also went on to become a very important person in the Starwritten Society, and when he discovered Kennedy’s complete genius with technology, he recommended her to become a trainee at 17 years old.

To be honest, Kennedy’s basically gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to characterization and fleshing-out. I have quite a few paras like that, sadly. I think I might make her a playlist sometime and let her be the main character for a while.

——————————————

tw: abuse, arson, su•c•de, murder, gun mention

Fox. Oh boy. Fox grew up in a very... tense household. His father started out pretty okay when he was a younger kid, but he slowly started getting more and more violent and controlling, to both Fox, his twin sister, and his mother.

Fox always had a very close relationship with his sister, Wren. You know that siblings meme? The “You are my sister, you are my brother, we are siblings and we care for each other,”? The were the living definition of that. They managed to keep a definite sense of humor and lightheartedness with each other, despite everything that had been going on.

They weren’t fine, but they had each other.

And then Wren went missing. There was a huge police search, but they didn’t find anything. Fox was fourteen at the time. That experience basically broke him, and he never saw Wren again.

A month later, he was coming home from school, got off the bus, and found the house in smoking ruins. His mother hadn’t been able to take his father’s abuse anymore, and she couldn’t see any way out. So she set the house on fire, killing both herself and her husband.

Fox, who was a mental wreck at this point, as almost anyone would be, was placed into the foster care system. He never stayed anywhere for longer than a week. His humor became a shield for him, an easy way to seem like he was fine when he wasn’t. After about a year, he ran away. And then joined the circus. Why, you ask? Because I said so; I grow these flowers and if you don’t like it then you can leave my garden

Fox was always a flexible kid. He’d been in gymnastics classes since he was five. And, as it would turn out, he was damn good on a trapeze. It wasn’t a very big circus, just some small family-run traveling one, but it gave him a place to stay and an environment that welcomed him, and that was good enough for him.

He was with the circus for about four years, up until he was eighteen, so technically this isn’t his childhood anymore, but I’m gonna keep going because I want to.

The Starwritten Society was following a lead on an underground lab somewhere around the place where Fox’s circus was performing. Kennedy was actually on the mission, although she doesn’t do many of those anymore after she got injured in the field and such and I’ll talk about that later. Anyway.

The team of agents who were on the search came across the circus, and figured it was as good of a place as any to try and find the person they were looking for, Eleanor Sylvidas. She was actually in the crowd watching, and there was a confrontation after the show. Fox went to check it out, being the one generally in charge of telling people to cool it whenever small fights broke out between customers, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do in a situation where both parties happen to have guns pointed at each other. Especially when Eleanor pointed her gun at his head and told the agents that if they didn’t back down, she’d shoot him.

That wasn’t exactly something that happened to him on a day-to-day basis.

Of course, a fight broke out. Actually, Fox made the first move, he literally tried to snatch this woman’s gun out of her hand. It didn’t work, but the shot she took at him definitely missed, and then there was a very chaotic fight scene and Eleanor ended up losing and got arrested. Course, they still had to find the lab so they could get the kids out of there. Fox was very helpful in that aspect, too.

Once the mission had been completed, he was offered a place as a trainee in the Society. Those who were there will say that the offer was accepted immediately, but he was actually a bit reluctant. He made the choice to go, however, and it proved to be one of the best decisions he’s made.

——————————————

tw; abuse, violence, gun mention

Wilson. Where do I start? He has trauma, definitely, although so does practically everyone who works with the Starwritten Society.

See, Wilson is actually one of the people who were rescued from labs as children, but there are two things that sets him apart from others.

1. He wasn’t kidnapped at birth or after he developed abilities. He was literally created in a lab, which has led to a lot of self-doubt due to being raised to believe he wasn’t “natural”.

2. The Society aims to rescue all powered children from labs as soon as possible, and since many of them are kidnapped at a young age, they try to get them out at least before they turn 10. Wilson wasn’t found until he was a bit older than 17.

He wasn’t even given a name while he was in the lab. He was just “Project Firebird”, with abilities including fire and heat manipulation, as well as immunity to those two things, plus flight and enhanced strength, speed, and stamina. Wilson was made for the sole purpose of being a weapon.

The person running the lab? An absolute fucker of a man named Alastor Killigan. Him? I cannot put into words how much I hate him. He just really fucking sucks, and not in a “loveable bastard“ way. I honestly wish I could physically teleport into my daydreams just to set this bitch on fire.

Anyway, he’s running this whole operation. He’s got guards, he’s got other scientists who he may or may not have blackmailed into helping him, he’s got people who work for him. And this isn’t the first time he’s done this. That’s right, Grey isn’t the first time he’s tried to weaponize a kid. He got caught by the Society last time, but escaped, and now he knows that he has to keep moving around constantly.

So the first 17 years of Grey’s life were just constant training and experiments and tests and moving around and being raised to believe that he was a literal monster and wasn’t worth anything if he wasn’t a weapon. Fucked up, right? But, see, the Society had no idea he existed. They found the lab kids through keeping tabs on recent kidnappings and disappearances. Grey wasn’t on any of those lists. The only people aware of Grey’s existence were Alastor and the people working for him.

In fact, the Society only found him by chance. They managed to track Alastor’s location and find him to arrest him, and they found Grey while they were doing that. There was a huge fight, but Alastor lost, and Grey got rescued. Things were looking up.

Because the Society legally adopts all the orphaned kids they take in, Grey needed a name. He also just needed a name in general. The lady filling out the papers told him he could just pick something, and he panicked. He wasn’t used to being allowed to make his own decisions. There was a plaque on the wall with a list of people who’d been top agents in the past, and he just read one of those.

Grey Wilson.

So, y’know, that‘s why it says he was a top agent in 1937. Just a heads up.

Have I talked about the Society’s different departments yet? No? Maybe I’ll do that later, but anyway - one of the divisions is basically therapy, because some of these kiddos have severe trauma and need help. Grey worked with a woman named Mags for a few years, and then started training for the High-Risk Rescue department. He was taking charge of his own future! Yayyyy!

Oh yeah and then Alastor escaped - again, and Mags went missing on the same day and it was presumed Alastor killed her on his way out, and Grey hasn’t seen either of them since. He’s been working in the Society for about 22 years now, trying to make sure that nobody goes through what he has. He decided early on that he didn’t want to use his abilities again, ever, and it’s become his personal secret, with very few people knowing.

[lanajvmeson]

emerges frm a field of corn slinking in w a faux mink shrug dangling around my elbows n a strand of wheat between my teeth..... farmer eleganza.... hlo! my name’s nai. i am bt a humble ghoul arrived to haunt ur home. 23 n she/her pronouns n i live in manchester. fun fact my friend’s neighbour used to b harry styles PE teacher. i played delilah yrs ago as carlson young (n even cara delevingne at one point what the fk) which feels so weird n ancient to me nw bt i missed her a lot so decided to spruce her bk to life.... ANYWAY delilah’s pinterest is here n i’ll jst leap right into things without further ado

(NICOLA PELTZ, CIS-FEMALE) - Have you seen DELILAH ASTOR? LILAH is in HER JUNIOR year. The POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR is 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE is BEGUILING, BLUNT, CUNNING and APATHETIC. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE WAS IN A REHABILITATION CENTRE IN SWITZERLAND INSTEAD OF DOING CHARITY WORK LIKE HER SOCIAL MEDIA CLAIMED.  (NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.) 

HISTORY

their family is kind of modelled off the sedgwick family like old money n pretty dysfunctional bt all abt keeping up a seamless facade of perfection... with a pinch of the kennedy’s in there. her dad’s high up in politics n his dad before tht ws in politics n it’s just a long prestigious line of clones in expensive suits as far as delilah’s concerned. her dad i picture as like.... nate archibald’s grandfather in gossip girl.... personality wise.

for as long as she cn remember she’s found this cookie cutter white picket fence life boring. stifling. to delilah it’s like being hemmed in a stuffy room n forbidden frm opening a window. it’s all vry Rich People Problems i wnt lie bt <3 she feels everlastingly bored. All The Time. plus her family hs always been a focal point fr tabloids etc which doesn’t help this feeling of not rly Living but just being the focus of a spectator sport. they’re lowkey a bit of a household name so they get a bunch of scrutiny n......... well. new bullet point alert! cue a powerpoint transition

(self harm & depression tw) frm being young delilah always knew there ws sort of. a white noise inside her where everyone else saw a technicolour movie screen. it rly hit her at like 12 i’d say as she was jst coasting towards adolescence. it ws pretty obvious frm her behaviour i’d say bt her parents only became Aware it ws a problem when she stuck a fork into a socket n short circuited the power in the house. she got shocked unconscious n when she woke up she told the in house dr they’d called (to keep it under wraps frm outsiders) tht she just.... couldn’t feel anything. she’d been reading frankenstein (she’s always liked gothic literature) n thought it’d zap her to life like the monster

her parents got her on medication n figured that wld fix everything. they didn’t like to talk abt things and that was that. it wasn’t to be mentioned again

delilah’s parents r just very.... sterile. family is abt appearances. they’ll be all smiles n flowing conversation when ppl are around bt it feels like being an actress n reading frm a script. being a toy in a dollhouse

she had two siblings: an older sister named clara & a younger brother named elijah. clara ws always like.... the Dream daughter. did everything right. amazing grades. america’s sweetheart. LOVED by the press. did sm charity work. elijah was fine/kind of a slacker compared bt coasted by on athletic prowess (captain of the rowing team). delilah hs very much always been the anomaly in this idyllic line-up. middle child effect! altho having said tht she’s always ran w the popular crowd of her age group bc Rich + Pretty = Status. it’s all quite superficial n delilah’s attitude on the matter can b summed up w this photoset. having said tht there was Some merit in constantly being paraded around as “such a pretty thing” bc a few modelling agencies attempted to scout her bt delilah found that boring. she wants to b called brilliant not beautiful. her mother called this her “not playing to the advantages that god gave her”. with a tight-lipped smile and a “god forbid i use my brain”, delilah only disappointed her further <3

(drugs & ed tw) delilah gt pretty heavy into partying fr the sake of trying to Feel something. intense on the drugs front (coke n prescription pills). rarely eating. she got a silver broach of a swan tht she pins to most of her clothes n u can unscrew the swan’s neck n pull it out to reveal a little powder spoon. still wears this today. clara n delilah were always super close n clara wld cover fr her a bunch. making up lies n jst having her back to their parents if they ever asked where she was / she ws in trouble n needed to keep it under wraps. when delilah hd an article in a tabloid pretty mch like this one clara talked their parents dwn frm sending her to a rehabilitation centre in switzerland. they gt it pretty much scorched frm existence bt delilah kept a clipping bc honestly she thought it was funny hw pale her mother went abt it

(car accident & drunk driving & death tw) at a fancy benefit the astors were all attending among 4857925974 uppity families delilah wound up heading off w some of the rich kids n one thing lead to another n a couple of them gt arrested fr a coke scandal. delilah used her phone call to contact clara n fr once clara hd let loose a little n hd something to drink bt still drove to the station to bail delilah out n try n fix her mess bt.... skipped a red light n crashed. she died upon impact.

(hospitalisation & drugs & addiction tw) this made delilah spiral massively obviously.... she clung on by the skin of her teeth fr a while bt she rly was just getting quite out of control doing an extremely excessive amt of coke to get by at this point so her parents actually did.... end up shipping her off to switzerland for rehabilitation. they didn’t tell anyone this tho n as far as ppl were/are aware she was doing charity work with habitat for humanity in trinidad. her parents literally........... hired ppl to take photos of things there n a social media team posted them to her instagram account jst. the most elaborate lie.... it’s a lot.

delilah jst pretty much went along w whatever they said at the facility bt didn’t absorb any of it too much.... she did get sober there bt it was vry much bc she had no other choice rather than a want to......... she even pretended to “find god” while she ws there n memorised bible lines to recite w a coolly detached smile. in her head she ws probably thinking abt hw her mandated therapist cld gladly eat shit and she’d be happy to watch. it was just like.... everyone there was RLY hideously overpaid bt did they actually Care abt their work or patients? debatable. wasn’t the most healing experience thru delilah’s eyes bt... maybe it’d work better if she’d actually opened her mind to it bt anyway...... <3 cornelius fudge voice: she’s back. the dark lord.....

PERSONALITY:

nw tht her history is out of the way i’ll leap like a flea off a shaggy dog’s back into personality! aesthetically she almost ALWAYS wears white/cream. reminds me of the woman in white frm sharp objects. rarely she’ll dabble in silver or gold or like..... vry pale green bt.... always muted tones. usually white or cream. big white sunhats. white sunglasses. white pussybow blouses w a little white skirt n a pearl barrette in her hair. she even smokes white sobranie cigs tht r imports like it’s a lot she’s truly committed to the aesthetic.... paired w like. classic patent mary janes.... she tends to flutter around the place like a silk moth. likes lace too. hs a very put together image n even demeanour like she’s very lithe n graceful n drifts like a ghost which kind of contrasts w... who she is at her core bt in the astor family it’s all abt appearances <3 the only deviation from this is she sometimes wears dark blue mascara once in a blue moon n if ppl comment on this she’s like. idk what ur talking abt? glides away like a ghost in a haunted mansion n is never seen again.

very perceptive. incredibly observant. yrs of early life media training n being born frm politicians means she’s an excellent liar. she knows ppl n knows what makes them tick bt she’ll only use this when necessary. she isn’t a terrible person bt she knows how to b Very mean n will equip this as a weapon shd a situation call fr it. also more prone to lashing out since her sister......... she hs sometimes played chess games socially fr kicks

dark n biting sense of humour. rather frank abt things. VERY ruthless when scorned bt she isn’t particularly?? emotive abt it??? her bf cheated on her once n when he told her she slapped him rly hard in front of sm ppl he knew n then jst walked away. blocked him on literally everything. removed him frm the face of the earth as far as she ws concerned. had him blacklisted frm every event n told ppl they’d be cut too if they continued to associate w him. goodbye sir <3 u are the weakest link <3 needless to say he regretted it <3

very loyal to u until she isn’t. finds it very easy to cut ties if need be. once her trust is broken it is gooooone baby goone.... the trust is Gone. selective in who she cares abt

vry cavalier abt sex. she doesn’t sleep around hugely i dnt think??? bt when she does it isn’t often tht emotionally invested she’ll jst out of the blue very nonchalantly blow out a wisp of smoke n b like. so u want to fuck me then? cool. proceeds to get up as if she’s walking to leave n then looks bk n is like what do ur legs not work? follow me. n leads them somewhere

nothing rly.... moves her particularly. she isn’t very animated. it’s like she jst finds the entire world thoroughly unimpressive. it’s difficult to stimulate excitement from her. it’s like that hugh laurie quote where he realised he had depression bc “boredom is not an appropriate response to exploding cars”.

has a pet swan bk at home she’s named lilith inspired by satan’s offspring. lilith bites ppl if they get close n is honestly an abomination of a bird. delilah finds her funny n throws her bits of croissants sometimes bt even she isn’t immune to her pecks. in some ways they’re similar...... hv a graceful surface appearance / aesthetic bt a darker attitude beneath the surface

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

exes: the ex bf tht cheated on her n she got blacklisted from 94872347 social events cld be a fun thing to explore..... delilah wld be EXTREMELY cold towards him n honestly want him dead. wouldn’t show any shred of caring abt him at all she’s very gd at stoning her emotions n keeping them inside. hasn’t cried since her sister died as an example of how..... withdrawn she is from confessing her innermost thoughts n desires. maybe an ex bf before tht that she rly didn’t take seriously at all..... typically she just isn’t interested/invested in romance she’s vry apathetic abt it all

party friends: those tht run in similar rich kid circles tht she would have smuggled off with at fancy events so they could let loose.......... ppl tht r completely her opposite who she finds interesting bc they represent everything she always wanted outside the oppression of her strict regiment family....... mutual bad influences tht are heavy into drugs n always enable each other...... u name it!

hook-ups: she doesn’t have a HUGE amt of these bt.... maybe a select handful.... some she wld have hooked up w once n never again n just been like >_> if they implied they shd as if it was preposterous n she was thoroughly over it.... some maybe she’d find interesting enough to extend beyond tht...... none she’d invest in if she cld help it altho? maybe someone as an exception to tht rule cld be fun

friends of her sister: (death tw) clara was universally well liked for being rly sweet n well intentioned n she attended yates only two yrs delilah’s senior so she might have some connections here still somehow??? cld be angsty to work with

i won’t lie i’m rly hungry as i write up these wcs so my brain’s going blank n i’m gna have to sprint to get some toast bt <3 roommates, enemies, competitive friendships, resentments, angst, chaos, drama, strife, u name it n i am dwn!!!! hits post n takes off galloping dwnstairs

[1989album]

first thoughts on folklore under the cut!!!

the 1

Omg piano. A beat?bus stop? Girl u aint taking the bus. I’m getting Sara barelies vibes. Im LOVING this sound. It would have been you. FUCK. Literally CHILSS. 

Cardigan

She is trying to kill me. THIS SOUND? IS SO GOOD?  Cardigan is the new all too well scarf. BUT I KNEW YOUUUUU. This is like…everything I’ve been asking for out of an album from her? YES. Fall vibes, 100%. This one gives me Sara barflies and Lana vibes. This seems very nostalgic =. like……wildest dreams 10 years later. Im sobbing.

The last great American dynasty

Ok new vibes sorta?whom is Rebecca? Do I know like no American history? I don’t know what this is about lol. Rhode Island? a Kennedy mayhaps? Dolly? I don’t know what this is about I should stop guessing. OH. The house she bought in Rhode Island ok. 

Exile 

Piano intro again, im here for it. Omg the man’s voice…I did not expect it scared me LMAO. I like the vibes of this one. The lyrics too, I need to relisten to focus on the lyrics. I like the call and response they have in the bridge that is *chefs kiss* my tears ricochet

“If im on fire, you’ll be in ashes too” JESUS YES. “I swear I loved you to my dying days”. THIS IS KILLING ME. Leave with grace. UFCK. IF IM DEAD TO YOU, WHY ARE YOU AT THE WAKE? KLSJDGKLDSJGKLS. FUCKING ROASTED, IN THE SOFTEST VOICE TOO. Get fucking reckt, calcium headpiece. This is my favorite so far. “I DIDNT HAVE IT IN MYSELF TO GO WITH GRACE, SO THE BATTLESHIPS WITH SINK BENEATH THE WAVES.” That IS SO FUCKING GOOD?

Mirrorball

Oooo this gives me beachy vibes. Literally every part of this song, this album is what I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!! I sent home the circus yessss. No clowns allowed. I love the voice modulator and the layered vocals on this A LOT.

Seven

OMG IS THIS TAYLOR? Her voice!!! I love this. It is such a different way for her to sing.SWEET TEA AND GOD’S GRACES MAAM? 

August “cause you were never mine” why is everY SONG RIPPING MY HEART OUT? This bridge. YES. “For me it was enough to live for djsgklsjdkl” YES. “YOU WERE MINE TO LOSE” 

This is me trying

I like this slow intro. “I just wanted you to know this is me trying” brb crying. This whole album has me in my feels. I love the strings in this one. 

Illicit affairs

Ooo Taylor what u been doin girl. “Leave the perfume on the shelf that you picked out just for him” girl. ): THEY SHOW THEIR TRUTH ONE SINGLE TImE. “DONT CALL ME BABY, LOOK AT THIS GODFORSAKEN MESS YOU MADE MEEEE.” I WOULD RUIN MYSELF A MILLION LITTLE TIMES……fuck this album is good. God tier.

Invisible string

This song sounds so soft. Safe and sound vibes. Im in lOVE. “CUTTING ME OPEN THEN HEALING ME FINE” kGOD????? FOR THE BOYS WHO BROKE MY HEART. Where is centennial park? 

Mad woman

OK I CLAIMED THIS SONG. LETS SEE. Um yes? Do you see my face in your neighbors lawn? FUCK YOU FOREVER. sKLDJGKDLSGJKLSD TAYLOR YES. “They say move on, but you know I won’t” “women like hunting witches too” SHIT GIRL……there’s nothing like a mad woman YES.  CAUSE YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME…..yes hunny. This is so GOOD. Lwymmd had a GLOW UP. 

Epiphany

I looove how she is branching out with how she sings. This is so GOOD. WATCH YOU BREATH IN WATCH YOU BREATHE OUTTTT. Her voice is so LOVELY in this wow. Some things you just can’t speak about :/ . It is true, girl. I cant decide a favorite song. They are all SO good. I love how this one fades out and just makes u sit in it.

Betty

oh she said cuntry bumpkin vibes for betty. Taylor got some old grudges to talk about LOL. Oh Taylor did something? This song is so gay I cant. Im not a Gaylor but jeez. taylor said: debut rights. In the GARDEN, it was JSUT A SUMMER ATHING? WHAT. I DREAMT OF YOU ALL SUMMER LONG? CARDIGAN AGAIN? Ok 

Peace

Ohh this guitar intro, im a fan. “No I could never give you peace” GOD. The lyrics on this album are so good. “Im a fire and ill keep your brittle heart warm” YES. This is just so good. “YOU KNOW THAT ID SWING YOU FOR THE FENCES> SIT WITH YOU IN THE TRENCHES.” WAIT WHAT; “GIVE YOU A CHILD?” GIRL……… She gave me a shoutout in peace "clowns to the west"

Hoax

I love all the piano in this album.  This is such a good closer. So soft. So warm. “ I am ash from your fire” “you know it still hurts underneath my scars” this is forsure top 3 for me

OVERALL: this album is SO good. So soft. So warm. It is everything I have been asking for in an album from Taylor and im blown away at how good it is. GOD IS A WOMAN AND HER NAME IS Taylor Swift.

[adgiggles]

everything hurts

And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.  - Douglas Coupland

I wish you had enough discipline for the both of us. Just because I don't know how to turn off the way I feel. I know you always fell out love so damn easily. But honestly, I don't think you ever had something real.  - Chelsea Cutler

You think you can change a guy, that he’ll be different with you, that you’ll finally be the one to tame him... and before you know it, you’re alone in your underwear at nine o’clock on a Saturday night, crying to Adele songs, eating ice cream straight from the gallon, and wondering what the hell is the matter with you that you fell for such a goddamned man-child, after he explicitly warned you not to. - Julie Johnson

There is part of me that wants an answer and part of me that doesn't want to know. Part of you that I am in love with and the part that I am willing to let go. This is a delicate unraveling now and then I find pieces on the floor. Tiny little bits that tell me maybe I shouldn't do this or love you anymore. - Mandy Moore

I am a collection of dismantled almosts. - Anne Sexton

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. - Jim Morrison

I feel you crumble in my arms down to your heart of stone. You bled me dry just like the tears you never show. Why don't you take what you want from me? Take what you want and go. - Austin Post

Erase your touch, it's all too much for me. - Billie Eilish

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. - Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away. - Frida Kahlo

Sure I loved him - too much. And he loved me, only not enough. I just want someone who thinks I’m number one in his life. I’m not willing to accept emotional scraps anymore. - Amy Tan

If you’re searching for a quote that puts your feelings into words – you won’t find it. You can learn every language and read every word ever written – but you’ll never find what’s in your heart. How can you? He has it. - Ranata Suzuki

Love is so short, forgetting is so long. - Pablo Neruda

People with depression have something very valuable to teach us...how to live when it doesn't ever feel good. - Kay Warren

Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. - Jocelyn Soriano

I desire the things that will destroy me in the end. - Sylvia Plath

I can't make you understand.I can't make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I can't even explain it to myself. - Franz Kafka

May you never feel what I then felt! May your eyes never shed such stormy, scalding, heart-wrung tears as poured from mine. May you never appeal to Heaven in prayers so hopeless and so agised as in that hour left my lips: for never may you, like me, dread to be the instrument of evil to what you wholly love. - Charlotte Brontë

The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

A marriage is no amusement but a solemn act, and generally a sad one. - Queen Victoria

Silence bounced, fell off his tongue and sat between us and clogged my throat. It slaughtered my trust. We exchanged blind words, and I did not cry, I did not beg, but blackness filled my ears, blackness lunged in my heart, and something that had been good, a sort of kindly oxygen, turned into a gas oven. - Anne Sexton

Don't you know I'm no good for you? I've learned to lose you, can't afford to. Tore my shirt to stop you bleeding but nothing ever stops you leaving. Don't you know too much already? I'll only hurt you if you let me. Call me friend but keep me closer. But nothing is better sometimes. Once we've both said our goodbyes, let's just let it go, let me let you go. - Billie Ellish

Was I heartbroken or furious? I didn’t know. I did know: that’s it. Our relationship could not continue like this, out of balance, unequal. And as surely as I knew this, I knew something else: But of course it can. We can continue to live exactly as we do right now, in a heavy-lidded state of love and unspeakable compromise. Isn’t that what people do? Every day? Don’t they ache but rename it tired? It made me wonder: Was it even fair to expect the person you’re with to be just as happy as you? Furthermore, how could you ever even know for sure? You couldn’t, was the truth of it. You could not know this. - Augusten Burroughs

Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t. - Stephen King

No one ever tells you how much a heartbreak physically hurts. How it literally feels like you've been kicked down the stairs. How you can't swallow. How every muscle aches. How your heart lurches inside you like it's been poisoned. Nobody tells you that. - Holly Bourne

A divorce is like an amputation: You survive it, but there's less of you. - Margaret Atwood

Con cada amor volvemos a nacer y con cada amor que termina se nos abre una herida. Estoy llena de orgullosas cicatrices. - Isabel Allende

No amount of soul searching would fix my past. There was no magical Band-Aid I could stick on my heart, no special glue I could use to make myself whole again. I had shattered to pieces like a fragile vase on concrete; some fragments could be roughly cobbled back together, but many of my vital parts had simply turned to dust, pulverized and scattered by the first gust of wind. - Julie Johnson

Tears are words that need to be written. - Paulo Coelho

So now if I figure this out, apart from my beating heart, it's a muscle but it's still not strong enough to carry the weight of the choices I've made. - Halsey

What if love is something that shapes us because of what we give, not what we get in return? What if God wants us to love people until it hurts and then continue to love even more? - Chelsea Rotunno

And if only you could see yourself in my eyes, you'd see you shine, you shine. I know you'd never leave me behind but I am lost this time. What if the love you deserve is love you never find? I've learned in love and death, we don't decide. - Dermont Kennedy

All good things in life are fragile and easily lost. - Khaled Hosseini

But when it comes to you, I’m never good enough. - Demi Lovato

I understand your grief; even time does not always heal this kind of pain. - Frédéric Chopin

Sometimes it's not the people who change, it's the mask that falls off. - Haruki Murakami

I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved. - Lewis Capaldi

Passion may fade. Affection may wane. A heart may change. Falling in love can be a risky act if your love flows like driving a race car full speed ahead down the freeway. Risk assessment is needed for a romantic venture. - Florence Chow

Memories do not always soften with time; some grow edges like knives. - Barbara Kingsolver

The pupil dilates in darkness and in the end finds light, just as the soul dilates in misfortune and in the end finds God. - Victor Hugo

Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others. - Jasmine Warga

She loved him. But he didn’t know how to love. He could talk about love. He could see love and feel love. But he couldn’t give love. He could make love. But he couldn’t make promises. She had desperately wanted his promises. She wanted his heart, knew she couldn’t have it so she took what she could get. Temporary bliss. Passionate highs and lows. Withdrawal and manipulation. He only stayed long enough to take what he needed and keep moving. - G.G. Renee Hill

Cause love is harder than it used to be and life is nothing like we pictured it. Who are we to blame ourselves for moving on? - Elina

So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love. - E.A. Bucchianeri

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.” - C.S. Lewis

Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt empty and hollow and aching. - Gabriel García Márquez

It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces. - Ella Harper

You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it. - J.K. Rowling

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. - Anaïs Nin

I cannot eat, I cannot drink; the pleasures of youth and love are fled away: there was a good time once, but now that is gone, and life is no longer life. - Plato

Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color. - W.S. Merwin

The worst feeling is not being lonely. It’s when someone makes you feel special, then suddenly leaves you and you have to pretend you don’t mind at all. - Nishan Panwar

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. - Margaret Mitchell

You flew off with the wings of my heart and left me flightless. - Terri Guillemets

Some things just can't be put back together. Some things can never be fixed. Two broken pieces can't make a lot of anything anymore. - Jamie Ford

I know my heart will never be the same but I’m telling myself I’ll be okay. - Sara Evans

This is what it felt like to have a broken heart. It felt less like a cracking down the middle and more like she had swallowed it whole and it sat bruised and bleeding in the pit of her stomach. - Wendy Wunder

It's a shame you left without a word, you know. She was just beginning to trust you before that. Before you got angry. Before you ran off. Just like every other man in her life. Lusting after her, full of sweet words, then just walking away. Leaving her alone. Good thing she's used to it by now, isn't it? Otherwise you might have hurt her. Otherwise you just might have broken that poor girl's heart.  - Patrick Rothfuss

Nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love, and no amount of words will ever be enough. I looked you in the eyes, saw that I was lost. For every question "why", you were my "because". - Louis Tomlinson

You know me now. I am only good at beginnings. - Allen Ginsberg

I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong. - Haruki Murakami

My sadness has become a routine that no one notices anymore. - Paulo Coelho

And if I get burned, at least we were electrified. - Taylor Swift

So I never really knew you, God I really tried to. Blindsided, addicted, felt we could really do this. But really I was foolish. Hindsight, it's obvious. - Ashlyn Rae Willson

I hate that because of you, I can't love you. - Taylor Swift

When you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives. - Lauren Eden

If you keep reaching out then I'll keep coming back. But if you're gone for good then I'm okay with that. - Maggie Rogers

I close my eyes all I see is you. How many times can a heart get bruised? It's an end to you, just empty space that I never use. How many faces will I lie next to? How many times until I get to you? - Gavin James

Boiled down, isn’t love just a form of vanity? You know, the wish to be adored. To be the absolute center for someone else. - Carol Shields

I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts. - Nikita Gill

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

[hamliet]

Thank you for your response, I agree with all your points. If I may say some more? What irked me the most was the fact that it's called the RISE of Skywalker with Kylo as the last definite Skywalker but it feels like he was written off just like that...? Not even as force ghost. I was trying to look for any saving grace and there was none. Kylo is my favorite character and a lot of people relate to him, and honestly he deserves a LOT better than this. Sorry for the salt - I'm just really upset.

I’m so sorry, Anon. Yeah, everything JJ said–no retcons, Rose’s importance, a message of hope when all hope is lost–were blatant lies. I’m sorry but I really, really hate being lied to. It’s cheap. It undermines the beloved OT because what was Anakin’s purpose if Vader didn’t even kill Palpatine–and also, can we really trust that he’s gone now? (Maybe the film answers this? I’m doubtful though lol) Also JJ’s “it’s important LGBT+ people see themselves in this movie” that led to the “queer rep” of two random women we don’t know from a hole in the wall kissing in a mass celebration? No brownie points for your pathetic cop-out, Disney. 

That’s the thing about both Finn and Kylo/Ben. I can relate heavily to them both. You know, having been a brainwashed, abused child myself–which TROS apparently goes out of its way to beat its audience into understanding re: Ben. But this is just like Tokyo Ghoul:re’s ending, where the abused, brainwashed, captive victims were just killed off without even an attempt to save them–and as one of those, it hurts. Someone tell us we can live despite the pain, please. Someone. Anyone. Finn gets to live (thank God), but he never really faces with his trauma, which depresses me because I love his journey through TFA-TLJ and really think it was setting him up to face his past in a meaningful way. 

You either can recover from your trauma without struggling, or you die. Great message. Much hope. Very optimism. 

But you know what? I am going to live despite the pain. And so can you, Anon. It’s okay to be in pain. I was like, devastated after TG:re ended like that, because the story had literally saved my life at one point. GoT’s ending for Daenerys literally nauseated me. Narrative can truly help us, and it’s okay to feel sad, even mourn, when a coping mechanism winds up hurting. 

What isn’t okay is directing that hate onto other humans–fans who loved it, fans who hated TLJ and hate this too, actors, directors, writers, Kathleen Kennedy, etc. Keep it to the narrative. Keep ad hominem insults out of it. As long as you remember that, complain all you want. 

I’m gonna work hard to get my fantasy story published to deliver some child brainwashing victim turned evil adult with redemption arcs and queer romance published because white men, again, fail to understand narrative for anyone who isn’t a white man (it’s telling Kylo’s arc is the only one they had a plan for the entire trilogy–and they still managed to mess it up). 

Anyways, if you want to read/watch a hopeful, optimistic, extremely psychologically deep yet fun story with redemption arcs for women, men, and children, may I recommend Bungo Stray Dogs? 

[austenholls]

Purple-Hued Night

LOCATION → huntington beach, ca

TIME FRAME → friday night, june 18th, 2027 | 11:00 - 11:47 PM 

NOTES →  written on discord.  winnie & austen chat in the hot tub while sharing a bottle of lukewarm Jameson - about austen’s muse, winnie’s dancing, and caring about what people think. 

TAGGING → @austenholls & @songwheein

Austen 

[ Austen, bottle of Jameson in her hand, shimmies out of her shorts to reveal her red swimsuit bottoms. This night feels weird, it isn't how she wanted it to go, but by now she's somewhere between tipsy and drunk and her barely there high from earlier has dissipated. She slips into the hot tub, eyes attempting to avoid the view of the bonfire. She reaches out to snatch her phone that has spilled from the pockets of her discarded shorts and quickly plays a playlist - the first song being How Will I Know by Whitney Houston ] "There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of, looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, mmm-hmm," [ She sings softly before pressing the Jameson bottle to her lips, bobbing her head to the music. Eyes peer to her left and spot Winnie, her free hand lifts in beckoning wave. ]

Winnie

[ Clearly the first half hour or so of the bonfire had lured her into a false sense of security that they could all suck it up and get along. She herself hadn’t been involved in any of the drama, but there had been plenty. It had been easy enough to slip away to the deck when she was ready for her exit, but the night had been too perfect to abandon just yet. Cool, ocean breeze, purply black skies. When music breaks the din, she turns to look and finds Austen looking back at her, she can’t help but smile. It’s been nice spending a little time with her as adults. ] There’s nothing sadder than drinking alone, y’know.

Austen

[ She can't tell if there's pity or if it's just the truth. She nods for Winnie to come join, bottom lip worried between her teeth ] Then make me less sad.

Winnie

[ She crosses the deck to the edge of the hot tub, peering down at Austen. The music makes her bare feet tap almost unconsciously. ] Are you sad? [ It only takes her a second or two to fully accept the invite, slipping out of her shorts and cropped tee until she’s stepping and then sitting into the water in her underwear. She reaches out for the bottle. ] Hand it over, sad bitch.

Austen

[ Eyes dart to the slight foot tap and then back to the blonde's eyes. ] A little. Maybe. [ She's too drunk to deny it. Also too drunk to deny herself the joy of watching the thing dancer gracefully step out of her clothes. A sloppy drink is taken before handing over the handle. ] Tell me the secret, happy bitch. Ice blue aura. How are you always so collected?

Winnie

[ She snorts softly before taking a quick swig. God, that’s rank straight. ] I’ve always been conflict-avoidant. [ Eyes roll a little. ] I also care a lot less these days. But I’m not always zen, contrary to what you might think. Clearly I’m a very good actress in addition to being a very good dancer. I’m one singing voice away from being a triple threat, damn.

Austen

[ There's no shame in the fact that she doesn't care how gross the alcohol is. ] Wait -  [ a pause as she points at Winnie. ] Are you saying you /can't/ sing?

Winnie

[ Blonde head turns to meet Austen’s eyes with a raised brow. ] Why do you think I /can/ sing?

Austen

[ Tilts her head, both brows raised ] You were like so good at literally everything in high school. Am I supposed to think otherwise? [ asks with a laugh, holding her hand out and making a grabbing motion at the bottle of liquor ]

Winnie

[ Gladly hands it over, then finally ducks under the water to wet her hair, using both hands to slick it back after she resurfaces. Leans back against the wall of the hot tub. ] I’m a passable singer, I guess. Enough for me to lay something on a track until I can get one of my much better friends to sing it for me.

Austen

[ slips a hand around the bottle, opting to set it aside rather than cloud her mind anymore ] So maybe you are a triple threat. Dancing, Acting, Music ability in some way. Not everyone is so lucky. [ shrugs, looking to the blonde ] You say you care a lot less these days. What's that mean?

Winnie

[ Thin shoulders rise and fall. ] It sounds so douchey, but I just don’t care. If someone doesn’t like me, I’ll find someone else that will. If someone doesn’t believe in me, I believe in myself. [ She’s quiet for a second or two, thoughtful. ] I guess it’s easy to not care as much about other people if I sacrificed what my parents think of me to be happy. If I’m not going to let them stop me, why would I let anyone else? [ Another pause. ] Music helps. A lot. [ She turns her head, looking at Austen curiously. ] Art’s always helped you, right?

Austen

[ Blinks at the other girl - was that real? She's met people who feel that way, but is it ever actually true that you just don't care what people thing? Seems farfetched. ] I.. [ She wonders if she left behind what her mother - Hannah - thought of her, then maybe she'd be freer to care less, too. ] Seems like you've got it all figured out. I can't imagine not caring. [ A dry, possibly bitter, laugh leaves her lips ] Used to. Haven't been able to get much out recently.

Winnie

[ She can’t help but laugh. ] I’m not enough of an asshole to think I’ve got anything figured out— let alone all of it. But I promised myself after... Kennedy— everything— that I was going to stop being happy the way other people wanted me to. I was sick of meeting those expectations. [ She’s quiet after Austen’s explanation about her art slump. Visual art’s never been her strong suit, but she knows how much it hurts to be creatively frustrated. After a moment or two— ] Have you done anything new lately?

Austen

I mean, you seem like you've got it all down. Happy in LA, new look, new you. I feel like the only thing that I've figured out is that I look terrible as a brunette and I am still a child at heart. [ shrugs, looking up at the sky as she leaned back into the hot tub's jets ]  That's what high school was about for you then? Pleasing the parents and fitting into their mold? [ she asks, though she sort of always knew that. there's part of her that can't help but cling to who they all were back then ] Like in general or a new medium? I've been doodling a lot, but nothing that makes me want to finish... I.. [ pauses, looking over at Winnie ] Maybe I'm kind of scared that I'm not good at it anymore.

Winnie

You can’t be ‘not good’ at it anymore. That’s not how it works. [ Art is art is art is art. ] I mean I could break both my legs tomorrow and be objectively ruined, but what you do? That doesn’t just get lost unless /you/ forget it. [ She tips her head to one side, thinking. ] I mean in general. Go somewhere new. Listen to something new. Watch something new. Fuck someone new. Eat something new. Sometimes routine smothers our art, y’know? [ She sinks down into the water a bit. ] Maybe you should do something new, even if you’re bad at it.

Austen

[ She knows Winnie is right - that's why the laugh that escapes her is somewhat exasperated. ] I went to Portland. I fucked a bunch of new people there. Ate a lot of weird new Asian foods... But yeah. I think... there's something stuck inside of me and I'm... [ Talking this much about herself felt weird. This felt weird. ] Maybe I should do something new. [ Caves and agrees, smiling a little before laughing again ] Do you ever get blocked dance or music wise?

Winnie

Sure, yeah. It happens, and it sucks. [ She flicks a little bit of water at Austen— just enough to skim off the surface. ] Here. We’ll have an example. Doesn’t have to work, but it’s worth a shot. Close your eyes.

Austen

[ Flinches when the water comes her direction, furrowing her brow ] Oh, god. This feels like some weird ass hippie bullshit is about to happen. [ Laughs, closing her eyes and settling in - the alcohol is pushing her to trust Winnie a little more than she usually would ]

Winnie

[ Laughing. ] I’m definitely not the hippie of this group. [ She leans out of the water to wipe her hand on her shorts and retrieve her phone. Scrolling through it, she finds the song she wants to play and sets it on the deck between their heads. ] You’re not going to understand what she’s saying, but that’s not important, right? Just trying something new. See if it even gets half a wheel turning in that ginger head. [ She plays 보라빛 밤 on her phone and sits back. It’s a song she’s vibed to for a long time. It makes her think of colors and feelings and she, personally, finds it really emotive— inspiring. She doubts Austen will take nearly anything as much from it as she does. But maybe the language barrier will actually help. Maybe she’s thinking too damn much. ]

Austen

[ smirks ] Now I'm curious who you think /is/ the hippie. [ lets the silence settle, eyebrow raising over closed eyes as she hears the song begin. it's clearly Korean - she can tell that much, but shes never been into K-Pop. She's assuming that's what this is, at least. The music has a strong beat, an identity that's bouncy and she can tell that this is definitely something people can dance to. Austen listens to sad music, slow music when she paints - so Winnie isn't wrong. This is new. She gently moves her hips beneath the water, her head bobbing to the chorus. When it ends, she opens her eyes, looking to Winnie. ] Can you play it again?

Winnie

[ If she tried to pretend she hadn’t been running the entire choreo to herself while the song played, she’d be lyyyyyying. Sunmi is a queen, and Winnie will worship. The grin that splits her face when Austen asks her to play it again is straight devilish. Shit eating. ] You wanna know what it’s called?

Austen

[ Eyes blink a few times as she sees Winnie's grin, her own smile growing ] Sure... I can't say I won't butcher it. But I was just starting to feel something. I need to hear it again. [ She motions quickly with a hand, water flicking off of it ]

Winnie

Purple-hued night. [ That’s her favorite part. Everything about the song /feels/ purple. It’s such good production. She presses play again. ]

Austen

[ There's a shiver that hits her spine - her mind paints an entire piece in her mind before she gets it onto a canvas or paper. Varied hues of purple would mesh perfectly with what she was seeing the first time she listened. As the song plays again, this time the piece lights up in her head in color, the smile on her face unavoidable. Maybe Winnie was right. Maybe new things would spark her muse... just like this. ] [ The music stops again and a drunken Austen finds Winnie's hand underneath the water ] Will you send this to me? I... thanks, Win. [ her voice is soft in a whisper ]

Winnie

[ Again it's like muscle memory to thread their fingers together. Austen's hands are bigger than her own, but they're thin and slight. Winnie squeezes gently. She's still smiling, but it's a little softer now. She nods. ] Don't thank me. Thank Sunmi. [ She winks. ] But yeah of course I'll send it to you.

Austen

[ Austen returns the squeezed hand, an easy laugh escaping her ] Would it be your dream to dance with her? [ Keeps her hand comfortably in Winnie's. It feels like this past week has bonded them in some way. Maybe because they're both some sort of artist ] I don't listen to K-Pop usually.

Winnie

[ She reaches for the bottle of liquor and takes a sip, coughing quietly. ] I'd love to dance with a lot of kpop artists, to be honest. A lot of artists in general. The few times I've done tours or even one-off gigs with people in LA have been so fucking fun.

Austen

[ Releases Winnie's hand in favor of running it through her hair ] I feel like you're going to have to show me some of your tik toks or something because as much as I know you're good at everything... Like... bitch, prove it.

Winnie

[ Winnie scoffs, loudly, and pads her way across the hot tub to sit directly opposite Austen. She drapes her arms along the outer edge and leans back, languidly extending her legs, one reaching out of the water in a pose before she brings it down to splash the water the other girl's way. ] My tiktok isn't hard to find, ass.

Austen

[ She watches the other girl, a brow raising as the other girl's graceful limbs very particularly moved through the air. She's about to speak again when water comes flooding her way - there's just a loud, joyful laugh that leaves her as she wipes off her eyes ] Oh, sorry, I don't go scrounging tik tok for my super smart, always had a booked schedule friend from high school. [ Easily shoves some water Winnie's way, hoping to get her back just a bit ]

Winnie

[ She blows a raspberry, rolling her eyes in response. ] You must've had some other friend back then because I was never super smart. Sure you don't mean Shiloh? [ A beat. ] Maybe she does have a tiktok. [ Leaning forward more into the water. ] I promise you, I'm that good. Whether you find my account or not.

Austen

I mean... like comparing anyone to me - they're super smart. It's not like I fucking read your report card, my man. [ she laughs ] I'm gonna find the account and you're probably like allstar level good. Don't reduce your talent. [ leans forward, matching Winnie's stance ] Or is this an LA thing? Where people pretend like they're not good just to get more praise?

Winnie

[ That gets a loud bark of laughter. ] The last thing /anyone/ gets in LA is praise. [ This time when she splashes Austen with water, it's much gentler. Half-hearted. ] Let me know when you find it. And let me know when you paint something. I wanna see it. First, even.

Austen

[ It feels nice to be around Winnie - like she's less pressure than the rest of the group for some reason. Which is odd considering they'd just talked about the thing that felt the most full of pressure - her art. ] First? [ A soft hum vibrates against her lips. ] Will do. I can make that promise. I can also promise I will be up until all hours of the night finding Winnie Song on tiktok.

Winnie

[ She lifts two fingers to her brow, saluting. ] There are worse ways to go to sleep than knowing there's another girl out there watching my videos all night long. [ A grin. ]

Austen

I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one. [ Austen smirks, her buzz beginning to fade a little and the idea of warm Jameson makes her shudder. She stands, clumsily stepping out of the hot tub - if there are ever two opposites in movement, it's these two - except on skates ] Hey. [ she turns to Winnie after grabbing a towel from a nearby chair ] Could you help me set up a tiktok? I feel like my roller skating could at least get some sort of attention on there...

Winnie

[ She holds up a hand, thumb up. ] You got it, dude. [ Head tips to one side, appraisingly. ]

Austen

[ She nods, though tiktok seems like a heavy investment of time. The redhead gently dries off her legs and torso before wrapping the towel around her waist. ] I'm gonna grab something new to drink, maybe change. Don't have too much fun without me. [ She chuckles, picking up the Jameson and her clothes before waving a quick had to Winnie. She tiptoes toward the back entrance, humming the song from before. Maybe she'd get something out onto canvas or paper soon. ]