#i wasn't there the day of the test but i was there when they were handed back

[erwinsvow]

random but i can see rafe giving shy!reader like a large amount of “pocket money” and she’ll always wait until she’s fully broke and runs out (if she doesn’t have a job), she’d be so nervous to ask him for more.

at first you're so shy around rafe you can't even find it in you to question what the money is for—you just assume it's some sort of test. you keep the cash in your pretty pink wallet until it's so full it won't fit in your purse.

rafe has no reason to be giving you money—you've got your own, your parents', that is. and suddenly you start to question everything, start overthinking like normal. does rafe think you're reliant on him for money? if so, is he mad at you because of it?

one day when he comes over to your place for once, claiming he wanted to get away from his noisy house to the serenity and peace of your bedroom, you dig out the wallet from under your bed and drop it next to him. he's laying on the mattress, sprawled out playing chess with a robot. the wallet lands with a thud.

like always, you let him speak first.

"what the hell's this?" he asks, lifting the thoroughly packed leather.

"i'm giving it back," you state, trying to remain a little firm. it's so hard around him though.

"jesus, kid," he comments, flicking through the cash. "did y'spend any of it? huh?"

"n-no," you stammer, suddenly nervous. "i kept it safe for you, like you wanted." you look at him with big, confused eyes and he looks back at you in disbelief.

"s'not for that, baby. it's for spending. for nice things, y'know, all the crap you like."

"crap?" you question back.

"stuff. books and records and ice cream when m'not around. y'know, pocket money."

"but i already have that," you reply. "did you think i didn't? did i ask for it?" suddenly confused, you wonder how you gave rafe this implication. "sorry, rafe."

"why are you apologizin'?" you perch yourself next to him.

"i guess because i didn't spend it.."

"well, stop. just use it for somethin' nice. for yourself, not me." he clarifies because he knows you—knows you'll go find him a new polo or golf glove if he didn't tell you otherwise.

and the way he says it—you comply, pressing a kiss to his cheek, mind floating to all the ways you could use it—a new beach read, a new bikini for boat days, ice cream nights with wheezie and a big tip for the nice girls who worked at the parlor.

you were used to spending your dad's money, now you were spending daddy's money. it wasn't that big of a change after all.

and it's really not.. until you run out.

you never had to ask your parents twice for anything, but rafe gives you cash and you don't question why, but now that you're used to getting things from rafe's money, you don't want to revert back. in all honestly, it felt nice when someone asked you where you got something from and you could tell them your favorite words.

"my boyfriend got it for me!"

credit cards are unlimited, but cash runs out. and asking rafe for more seems like the absolute worst thing in the world, especially when you were so hesitant to even start using it.

approaching the door to rafe's bedroom, you pace infront of it for a moment, thinking of the right words to say. ward walks by and smiles at you, though he's confused at what you're doing. panicked, you run in, standing in front of your boyfriend while he's looking at something on his desk. rafe glances up when you walk in.

"hey, kid."

"hi." it even comes out nervous. rafe shuts his laptop at the sound of your voice.

"what is it?" he asks, and you blink back in response.

"what's.. what?"

"y'think i can't tell when you're off? c'mon, start talkin'." you give in immediately.

"well... it's just, um, this cash. your cash. i ran out. and, um, this book i wanted releases out tomorrow. and i told wheezie i'd take her to the movies because that book we both like is a movie now, and it comes out this weekend, and y'know she's a child so-"

"yeah. m'aware."

"sorry," you reply, feeling your cheeks heat up. "sorry." he gets up from the desk, and you wonder if you really messed up by demanding so much.

"what'd i tell ya? stop apologizin'." when he gets close, rafe does what he always does, lifting your chin up so you're looking at him, his fingers resting on your jaw. "what'd you think? i'm gonna say no to you?"

"maybe. i'm being kinda greedy."

"nah, kid. be as greedy as you want." when you smile, he laughs at you, at how nervous you still get, how worried you are that you're doing something wrong. "besides, i got some ideas on how y'can make it up to me."

sounds like a win-win for you.

[ririblogsss]

Damian and the strays

ok look we all know the de aged dani (Danny and Dan). But what if we have siblings/ triplets, and I mean what if we take them all the same age (15/16) and make them into the most powerful trio in school . I mean you have 3 good looking individuals all siblings and in the same way, they all excel in different things (Dan-world history, Dani/Ellie- science Sports, Danny physics), but they are all so easy going and charming plus they are all jacked af.

Like tell me if i'm wrong but they would be beloved maybe popular on the downlow until they do something only fentons would risk doing. For example, orchestrating that every monday at 12:30 am the fire alarms would start and lunch would be extended for an hour more. No one can prove it, but none of them have doubts either. The triplets have their own groups but they mainly hang out with each other if you see one the other 2 are close by. 

Anyways i'm thinking that one day they will actually see why the Fenton siblings are observed closely by the teacher and try to make sure they don't cause mayhem.  One guy, a chad of sorts, decided he wanted to pick a fight with Dante, the more violent of the siblings. Chad didn't even finish his first insult before he was slammed through the door by Danny, who was arguably the pacifist of the 3. But the student body kind of got it. The thing is no one expected Dani (preferred name Ellie) to freaking pummel the guy.

No one saw them at school again. 

It went on like this: the trio would move to one school.Would play pranks on the administration and have fun. Then someone would try something on one of them and the other 2 would pummel the person into the ground. The next day they would be gone never to return. They became an urban legend in some of the schools. 

Until they came to Gotham Academy when they tried their pranks a kid would come and stop them. It was getting on their nerves. All their freaking plans down the drain all because of a snobby brat that didn't know how to mind his own.  Eventually they start pranking the kid instead of the school as a revenge for ruining their fun. This leads to an all out prank war between all 4 of them (Dan backstabbed Danny and Ellie first they just followed the lead). 

Soon enough the 3 of them became friends with Damian (they learned his name 4 weeks after the prank war started). The school body was half convinced that Damian and the triplets were actually long lost siblings. I mean they all have black hair, anger issues and green bluish eyes. Damian knew for a fact that he wasn't related to the Fentons; a DNA test concluded this. But that didn't mean that Damian didn't perceive the triplets as family. 

Damian concludes that even if they aren't adopted into the family the Fentons belong. So that's why one day Damian brings Ellie, Danny and Dante to the family reunion. Where every relative and not so relative is there. Damian is showing them around, pointing at things around the house as a mini tour, and people are starting to notice that there are 3 new faces that they have never seen before. 

there are whispers like: ‘really?! AGAIN?!?’ or “WOW im gone for 5 days and he got 3 more”  and even  ‘Damn so black hair, teen and probably sad backstory is the type’

The triplets looked at eachother looked at Damian and smiled like starved piranhas that have just been served a pound of meat and are ready to devore. Damian reflects it with his own devilish smile.

 So all four of them start saying things out of context such as: 

“I'm so glad to be here now” 

“Yeah same we wouldn't have survived that hell of a chamber without you Dames”

“As long as we're no longer hunted for merely existing I don't mind staying for a while”

“Good things there weren't any actual bazookas that could have gone worse”

All four knew that out of context it seemed like the 3 siblings had been hunted and captured by some unknown person and Damian had rescued them and brought them home, but in reality they were just talking about the past paintball match they had earlier that morning. 

So Bruce wanted to know some more but the rhetorical bullet, and asked “Damian… who, who are these kids” Damian proceeded to scoff and say “Why our new family members, truly father, are you incompetent. This is a family reunion hence only family or perceived family is invited” Damian tried to channel his inner 10 year old self whilst trying not to laugh. Danny and Ellie were on the same boat except they made their faces look devastated with tears in their eyes and everything looked pitiful, but on the inside they were laughing their asses off. Dante feigned indifference but he had teary eyes, from trying to stop himself from hitting the floor laughing at the devastated faces around. 

Danny played his act up clearing his throat “we- we can leave if I mean we didn't know, yeah Dami said it was fine but we understand” he purposely made his voice crack to show how ‘hurt’ he was. 

Ellie made herself look small so she could seem self conscious and uncomfortable with the situation. 

Dante solidified them with the small sniffles he let out every few seconds. 

Damian was looking to the ground to avoid being read, because right now he was shaking from laughter, and it would be clear in his face but if he angled himself right (which he did) it looked like he was silently sobbing. Danny put his arm around his shoulder, also looking towards the ground, also shaking from laughter. Dante and Ellie joined in. From an outside perspective it looked like they were extremely upset not being able to be family. 

Bruce panicked seeing his younger child and 3 other kids the same age all begin to cry he just blurted out “NO no that not what i meant Damian I ment their names what are their names, and does Babs have to get involved so we can have documentation”

Damian cleared his tears and looked up at his father trying not to smirk “He is Dante, that one is Dani with an I but she prefers Ellie and that lanky one is Danny” Bruce nodded and went out the room to see if he could get started on the documents. 

Once Bruce was out of the room all 4 of them burst out laughing, falling into a pile some were heard wheezing, others having maniacal laughter. 

Once they finally stopped and looked at the rest of the family all four of them eerily said “he won't ever believe you” And everyone in the room shuddered. This quartet was going to bring wayyyy too much mischief into the family. 

(if you're wondering where jazz is. She's in college living her best life. I mean she is a highly independent person she thrives of off living alone with a clear schedule set)

—

Also i didn't put any specific names for the previous schools or the family members bc I thought it would be better for u guys to decide who witnessed the beginning of the end. 

[wosoamazing]

Portugal Training Camp & Roommates

Part 4 - Fire on Fire Series

It was your first day in Portugal, meaning you were now also officially part of the team, having joined the first team training session of the year in the morning, spending the afternoon on the beach with the girls, as this wasn't an official team trip for competitions you had roommates. Leah was yours, you didn't quite know what to think of it but it couldn't be a bad thing. Right?

After dinner the team spent some time outside before all heading to their respective rooms for sleep. However you weren't asleep, and from the amount of rustling coming from Leah's bed she wasn't either. However unlike her you were still, as you laid on your back, staring at the ceiling, you couldn't get the 2 missed calls from both your parents each out of your head, they hadn't called you in years, let alone messaged, so why now? You couldn't understand, until you spoke to your Moster before dinner. She had informed you that they wanted to talk to you, apologise for what they had done, now realising that they did the wrong thing when you were younger. But you couldn't fathom the sudden change in beliefs. They had to have an ulterior motive. Leah must've realised you were awake at some stage, as you noticed her move onto her side, resting on her elbow as she brought your attention to you.

"What's wrong?" She questioned, the sudden words slightly scaring you.

"Nothing," you tried brushing her off, as if she would care about your problems.

"I can tell something is bothering you, you can just talk and I can listen if you want"

"My parents want to talk to me," you spat out, "oh," you turned to face her, mirroring her position.

"I've haven't seen or heard from them for years, the last time they contacted me was before, well, um, no it doesn't matter, but every time the have contacted me since I moved out they have thrown things at me, they even offered to buy me a penthouse apartment in New York if I quit football and did a PHD. They don't believe someone can be successful unless they like have a PHD basically. I moved out when I was almost 11. My Aunt says they are reaching out to say sorry but I find that hard to believe after all these years,"

"Why don't you just message them, ask them to come to one of our games."

"Yeah I suppose, I mean if they aren't really determined with whatever they are planning on doing they won't come, it would be time much time, effort and money otherwise," the fell into a silence before you blurted out, "They were the reason I wasn't getting played, they were paying the club money as a support under essentially a fake company, they figured if I wasn;t getting played I would fall out of love with the sport, but it clearly didn't work." "I'm sorry, that's unfair, you're a really great player, and your aunts must be good people, as you've turned out to be an amazing human," Leah started to ramble as she got anxious. You were glad there wasn't much light in the room as you felt yourself blush.

"Thank you, good night," "night," you rolled over and eventually fell asleep.

_____

The training staff decided that they were going to do fitness testing, the beep test included, you had been going for quite some time you, Lotte and Emily were the only ones currently still going, the rest of the team had either stopped or been pulled out by the medics or trainers so they didn't over do themselves.

"How?" Lotted huffed out as she doubled over trying to catch her breath, having given up, you on the other hand looked like you were still just doing a light jog.

"Okay Y/N, we're stopping you there, sit down and make sure to have plenty of water, we're also going to get you an electrolyte drink," you huffed in annoyance but complied and walked over to were Leah was sitting on the sidelines, taking a seat next to her, she lent towards you with her arms open ready for a hug.

"I don't think you want to do that, I'm like seriously sweaty," You warned her, "That performance deserves a hug, no matter how sweaty," you laughed as you lent in briefly hugging her, before moving to lie down, your legs still bent up, "you weren't wrong about being sweaty," she joked causing you to laugh "I did warn you,". 

You and Leah were alone, as she watched the rest of the team do the other tests, you were recovering lying on the grass, with a towel over your eyes to protect them from the burning sun. "How did you do that though? Are you actually fine?" Leah asked, ever so slightly concerned, she didn't want you to be overworking yourself due to being new, "I could've kept going if it wasn't so hot, or the fact that I wasn't stopped," you said and she nodded, not that you could see though, you were informed you couldn't continue testing until you had cooled down the medics not wanting to risk you getting heat stroke, however there was no way that was going to happen anytime soon, due to the scorching sun, "Can we go inside for a bit? Speed up the cooling down process," you asked her as you pulled the towel off your eyes, lifting you head slightly to look at her, "Sure," you stood up quickly, and turned to Leah who had reached her hands out for you to grab and help her up, "you haven't done any testing today, you should be the one helping me up" you joked, and she pushed you playfully once she was standing, "that's no way to treat someone who just helped you up," "oh shut up," she said as she wrapped her arm around your shoulders pulling you into her side as you walked.

_____

"I don't even know why you like playing them, they're so boring," you said as you sat down next to Leah on one of the sun loungers, you had to admit they were really strange sun loungers, as they were double ones, for some reason meaning two people had to sit on one, but it didn't matter too much as the team was close.

"They use my brain, keep me smart," she teased "Don't want you falling behind the rest of us I suppose," you teased her back, "Oh shut up, just because you duxed," you stuck your tongue out at her before pulling out your phone to message some people, until Leah managed to rope you into helping her do sudokus, you both giggled away as you spoke, before you were interrupted by Beth, "Why wasn't I invited?" she whined "We're doing sudokus," you explained, "oh ew, what movie are we watching tonight?" she asked, not getting a response.

"Beth," you both whined as you looked over to her who just shrugged her shoulders, "what?" she knew what, she just sent a message to the team asking when everyone else would be out because she felt like a third wheel with you two. Before long the whole team was outside and the movie had started, they had decided on ABBA which you didn't really like and so you quickly found yourself succumbing to your exhaustion from the day. Your eyelids opened around half an hour later and you realised you had moved closer to Leah and snuggled into her side while you slept, she had her arm out around your shoulders, "Oh sorry," you groggily spoke as you lifted your head preparing to move, "Oh, it's fine don't worry, you don't have to move if you don't want to, it's more warm like this too," she said softly smiling as her eyes stayed on the screen, you let out a small hum before placing your head back on her shoulder and quickly drifting off again.

[thinkingaboutjaedyn]

my heart over yours; part four | j.fleming x reader

prompt: you try to push jessie away while trying to figure out how you feel, but jessie is not going for that.

author notes: this is basically just angst until the literal last minute and all i can say is blame that chelsea loss against liverpool. i swear the cliffhanger will make all the angst worth it 🙏🏾 thanks for all the love on part three 💕 even tho i hated that part. anyways enjoy it guys! p.s. this is the last part before the final

contains: ucla!jessie x reader, childhood bestie!jessie, jealous!jessie at the last minute, a fuck ton of angst / small comfort, the actual shortest part, some protective!jessie if you squint

masterlist with all the previous parts

playing are we still friends? by tyler the creator 🎵

"i don't have to answer anything! who do you think you are?" you shout at her, fighting away all the thoughts that rush to your mind after her question. it's making you actually sit back and think about the role jessie plays in your life, but just because it's making you feel a certain type of way, doesn't mean you were going to give sasha an answer. at this point she doesn't deserve that because who is she really to question you?

you say one more thing before turning to leave, "you aren't my girlfriend. stop acting like it. we went on a date or two and now you want to act all possessive? get a fucking grip." then you leave out of her dorm. not even allowing her to get a word in. you already know someone is going to talk about this and it will spread in some circle of the campus, but you don't really care. you're sure that anyone who's friends with sasha aren't friends with you, so it doesn't matter.

when you find your way out of sasha's dorm building, you don't rush to your dorm immediately. it's around six and you already know jessie will be there. she always is and soccer players didn't have practice today, so you already knew she was probably in your bed, lazing around, watching some animal documentary; most likely an lion one. she's been really interested in those lately. anyways, regardless, you couldn't go back to your dorm. your feelings are pounding in your head like an headache and usually talking to jessie would help you to clear all that out, but this time around you just feel like you can't.

sasha may be right; you may be in love with your bestfriend and you don't know how to handle that. there have been many times over the course of jessie and yours friendship that someone questioned it to be something more. every single time you just denied and went about your day. you were used to it, so there's no need to have a big reaction. you never thought about it deeper. people would say that in elementary and secondary school, nobody knows anything during those years anyways so you didn't care but now you're in college, it's different, so if sasha thinks that then could it be true?

instead of going back to your dorm, you decide to go get something sweet. you shuffle yourself onto the bus and let it take you along the route until it reaches that street you knew had at least one bakery. getting off of the bus, you walk straight into the bakery. you order quickly, getting your favorite desserts, and leaving out of the place as quickly as you arrived once you received your order. it felt like too much to be in there at the moment. jessie and you always somehow convinced one pair of your parents to let you two get cake at random times for "celebrating." usually this celebrating wasn't even for nothing extraordinary. if jessie got an a good grade on a test? you would beg your mom to let you and her to go get some cake. you didn't trip over your feet today? looks like jessie is going to go ask her parents to take you and her to go get some cookies. sharing sweets have been one way of bonding for you two. it was sweet, literally and figuratively.

you make your way to the nearby park, sitting on the first bench you find. trying to find peace and quiet in la is hard, so this is the best you can do but it works. you sit there on that bench and try to think about jessie and yours friendship. could you really call it that with how you're feeling right now? things have always felt platonic between you two or so you want to convince yourself to believe. there were .. moments. times where the line between friendship and romance would blur. actually you think the line has always been blurred. it was just so normal to you two that you never thought about it.

as you take a bite out of your dessert, the sweetness of it matches the thoughts floating around in your mind. those thoughts may be the reason you're having a slight crisis right now, but still, they're sweet.

you think back on the time jessie and you went to the first school dance held in elementary. it was seventh grade. all the other girls in your class were planning on going with boys in your grade or just going together as friends. jessie and you were obviously going to go together as friends too, but the way she asked didn't feel as friendly as you remember it.

it was after a cross-country meet. you're sitting beside jessie on the empty bleachers, waiting for her mother to arrive so you two could go home. you have bought along a small board that jessie called embarrassing; it said jessie fleming is my usain bolt. the canadian almost fell over when she spotted that in the crowd.

"i nearly died because of you," jessie laughs, pushing your shoulder with hers. you roll your eyes. quick to say, "a true athlete doesn't get distracted from anything."

jessie scoffs. replying back just as quickly to say how every athlete has their weakness and perhaps you were hers. when she said that back then, your heart fluttered for a moment. you pushed that feeling away. thinking that you're just happy she considered you that important to be her weakness. after the conversation, jessie had gotten up.

"stay right here. i have to grab something near the stairs, i forgot my chapstick there," she says. walking away quickly towards the stairs connected to the bleachers. you watch her from behind stop at the end of the stairs, leaning over to grab something off the ground. you aren't sure what it is until she comes back up the stairs with yellow flowers in her hand.

"did you just pick dandelions out of the ground?" you ask, smiling as jessie hands the flowers to you.

"yeah and be grateful. i had to not pull them out too harshly, they're all weak since it's fall and all," jessie sits down beside you. all her attention on you as she tries to see your reaction. you're smiling down at the flowers before smiling at jessie again. "thanks freckles. they're cute."

jessie smiles, "don't thank me. i only got you these flowers so you would say yes." the serious undertone underneath the playful one in her voice makes you look at her.

"say yes to what? are you about to ask me to commit murder with you?"

"what..? no, can you be serious for once in your life?"

"okay, go ahead. sorry." you say. setting the flowers aside before grabbing jessie's hands. she lets out a sigh, "will you go to the dance with me?"

you blink at her blankly, laughing loudly after a moment. jessie lets out a nervous chuckle. confused on if you were laughing at her. she soon gets her answer when you say, "duh, i'll go with you. didn't even have to ask but thanks."

jessie pushes you, gasping at your dramatics. "don't pull something like that again. i thought you were going to reject me."

"god, sorry. it was just funny."

"shut up before i take my invite back."

"you wouldn't dare."

jessie and you aren't able to finish your bickering as her mother pulls up. you two run off to the car, racing. the freckled girl obviously won the race. blame her athleticism. that was one of the only days jessie was glad her mother was late to picking you two up since it gave her time to ask you to the dance.

you two went together to the dance and wore matching outfits that your mother still has a photo of hanging in your childhood home.

you are snapped out of your reminiscing of the past when your phone rings. looking down to see jessie's contact on your phone. a mix of anxiety and happiness fills your heart. you don't want to answer really, but it's jessie. your jessie. ignoring her feels wrong. instead of answering her call, you text her.

you

can't answer

on the bus

the excuse doesn't land that well, but that's all you can come up with. you can tell jessie is skeptical, but doesn't question you.

freckles 💗

thought you were with blondie

what bus?

are you on your way back to the dorm?

you

don't bring her up

i'll tell you in a few minutes

just wait

freckles 💗

you're being weird??

stay safe

come back before it's night

love you

usually seeing jessie says she loves you makes you smile and it still does because, well, it's jessie but it also fuels your anxiety. was it more behind those words? did you want it to be more? two questions you aren't able to answer yet and that drives you up a wall. still you text back; jessie could never be ignored by you.

you

love you too 💞

i'm coming soon

wait for me

jessie is sitting in your bed, having finished her documentary a while ago. your texts felt different and she couldn't put her finger on why. she will worry about that later. instead focusing on how you said not to bring up ms blondie and the fact you weren't in y'all's dorm, in bed, beside her. two sides of a coin; she feels a mix of happiness and anxiety. just like you. too bad you two aren't together at the moment. maybe y'all could have figured out these emotions together.

meanwhile, you're finishing up your dessert. having taken jessie off of the list of people who can bypass the do not disturb on your phone. taking her off nearly broke your heart, but at the moment it's for the best. you need some time to just think without interacting with her.

it takes you a while to finish the dessert. the actual time it takes you to finish eating isn't that long, but you stayed in the park for at least an hour longer than you needed. thinking to yourself about jessie and you and what she means to you and what you mean to her.

just questions swirling around in the mess of an ocean your mind is right now. just like the depth of the ocean, nothing is clear to you.

you wish you had more time to just sit and think, but you don't. being in a park late at night in la is not a good combination, so you pull yourself off of the bench. throwing away the empty container that your sweet treat came in. you make your way to the bus and get on, not realizing that jessie was texting you.

the worry in jessie's heart is now way bigger than before. you are out somewhere, late, and aren't responding to her texts. even though it pains her to think about, jessie would feel somewhat better if you were with sasha. at least she would know where you were and at least you would be with someone. you not replying to her texts is the last straw and she's almost ready to just go out and find you. thirty minutes. she'll give you thirty minutes to come back before she goes out on some wild goose chase to find you.

and that's all you need. right when jessie opens the door of y'all's dorm to leave, you're standing. right there infront of the door. you have actually came back to campus around ten minutes before she was about to leave out. still feeling anxious, you walked around campus for a bit. passing by the dorm building twice before finally going inside. deciding that was enough walking around and avoiding for one day.

jessie nearly drops her phone as she pulls you into a hug. you want to pull away, you want to just turn around and leave because you really can't handle this right now. sasha's words are ringing in your ears. are you already taken by jessie? what could this mean for you two's friendship? you want to think and pick these questions a part, but at the moment you really can't. instead you collapse into jessie's arms. you can't help yourself. she's like your pillar of strength. every time, any time you felt hurt, jessie's there.

there to hold you, comfort you, and make sure you're alright. so can you be blamed if you fall back into her the moment you see her? you can't turn away from jessie, you just can't.

"i don't want to seem controlling, but please don't do that ever again," jessie says softly. pulling you into the room with her before pushing the door closed with her foot. "i almost called your mom, my mom, your dad, my dad.. just anyone who i thought could reach you. my heart can't handle something like this again," jessie continues to speak. needing to spill out all the worry that was inside of her. it takes her a moment that you're silent. just resting your face against her chest, your arms holding on tightly to her waist.

"what's wrong..? what happened?" the soccer player asks. not pulling away since she doesn't think that's what you need at the moment.

finally you speak, "women are horrible and i don't understand why i like them." jessie wants to laugh at your words like she usually does when you say something this blunt and dramatic, but she can't. not when your voice is shaky. her mind thinks about sasha; did that blonde chick hurt you? the thought of sasha hurting you puts a pit in her stomach.

"did blondie dump you?" she asks. you almost laugh at the fact that jessie can't even say her name. maybe sasha was right about how jessie talks about her behind her back. not to give sasha any credit or anything. you would laugh if you didn't feel a mountain of built up emotions inside of you. "no, i dumped her. she was.. too much."

jessie waits for you to expand and explain what happened, but a minute passes. then another. then another and nothing comes, so she moves now. you two will talk about it eventually. instead she focuses on comforting you.

pulling you towards her bed, letting you go just to grab some of her pajamas for you to wear, and holding you for a long while, making sure your body feels some type of calm, before letting you change.

you're slow to change, but right after you're finished she pulls you down onto her bed. like always you two's bodies tangle with eachother. her arms wrapped around you. yours wrapped around hers. your face is pressed against her chest, listening to her heartbeat. it's calming, so familiar. unlike the thoughts that plague you; there is no need to think about them right now though.

"just know.. she wasn't worth it anyways. whatever she did, i don't know, you tell me later. just know it has nothing to do with you," jessie whispers, playing with your hair. the words are comforting like a warm blanket, comforting just like jessie's warm body. the soccer player doesn't know what's wrong, but it's like an instinct to comfort you. she wants to be happy that sasha is out of the way but at the same time if sasha being out of the way means you're hurt then maybe it wasn't for the best. yes, she was being passive aggressive with sasha and treating her pretty unfairly but jessie would have came around. eventually. if it would have made you happy then yeah she would have gave it up.

if only jessie knew that your emotions didn't have nothing to do with sasha at all. they all have to do with her. only her.

you don't respond to her words, but you let her know that you appreciate them. giving her lower back a few rubs. hoping that she gets the message and she does. she always does.

jessie slowly falls asleep first. having to worry over you have tired her out. it doesn't take long for you to follow after. one thought in your mind:

you might, most likely, definitely are in love with your bestfriend (how you didn't realize it before? no one knows) but you need some time. more time than this to figure out what to do about this feeling.

you don't go about needing this time in the healthiest way. the next morning, you're ready to tell jessie what happened. you tell her the truth.. mostly. not willing to tell her about the question sasha asked. instead opting to tell her that basically sasha didn't like the closeness between you two and that she knew that jessie didn't like her.

"she seemed like the type to be all pissy over something like that," jessie says after spitting out the toothpaste in her mouth. she's standing in the bathroom, getting ready for the morning class she had to schedule to finish her class requirements on time. "i would say i'm sorry for ruining that .. situation? between you two but it seems like she wasn't in it for the long haul anyways," she continues. happy that she can get the opportunity to make fun of sasha.

you roll your eyes, smiling. you are feeling better but still you feel the need to distance yourself from jessie, so you can think clearly. not blinded by that freckled face with that cute smile. instead of walking into the bathroom to bicker with her, you stay near the doorframe. looking at her as you say, "yeah. she was whatever. enough of her, how is the class going?"

"like shit. i don't get how you wake up at eight am everyday and actually go out and be productive. i need my rest firstly," jessie doesn't say anything about how you cut the conversation short. it's not that she doesn't notice, but she doesn't really care for sasha at all. whether to dunk on her or not, sasha holds no space in her mind now that you and the blonde are over. as long as you're okay, she's okay.

you let jessie rant about how getting up early in the morning for a class is ridiculous and should probably be illegal and how you're insane for actually being a morning person. you smile the entire time, enjoying seeing jessie being so animated. a trait of hers that comes out the most when she's annoyed.

"maybe you should get some coffee on the way, hm?" you tease after jessie is ready to leave. she smacks your shoulder, smiling once you say ow.

"see you later if i don't die on the way from sleep deprivation," jessie says as she leaves out of the door. you roll your eyes at her unusual dramatics. "i'll play the sound of whales talking at your funeral. don't worry," you say.

"god, you really do love me," she checks her phone after saying that. giving you a quick wave before running off, noticing that she's already late to the class. you peek out of the dorm room. giggling at jessie's fleeing figure.

now you can think. bless your professor for cancelling your morning class today. you close the door before going to sit on jessie's bed. it's comforting. being surrounded by her presence makes you feel calm. you'll figure this all out. you have to.

why you couldn't just talk to jessie about this like how you talk to her about everything else? you're afraid that things will change between you two. it's easy to fall into the usual routine of being close, not even thinking about what it could mean for the both of you but if you mention your feelings, will things change? what if sasha is wrong and jessie actually doesn't like you? will you lose your bestfriend?

will you still be friends?

you lean back onto her pillows, pulling up her blanket to cover your entire body. drowning yourself in just jessie makes the questions quieter than before. you don't want to lose jessie, but not saying anything feels like you're keeping a secret from her. curse sasha for making you question everything. she doesn't even have the right to question what jessie and you have. now you're stuck with the feelings left over.

all this stress on your mind makes you sleepy. and you let yourself sleep. your mind is busy while your surroundings are calmer than ever. all due to jessie. the way she can makes you feel complicating emotions is crazy, but makes sense. she is jessie after all. your jessie.

you're out in minutes.

it's three hours later when jessie comes back to the dorm, exhausted and ready to sleep away the rest of the day until you came back to the dorm. she doesn't notice the lump of your body under her blanket as she drops her bag down near the dresser, grabbing some clothes before going into the bathroom to shower. twenty minutes later she's out, hair still slightly wet, as she wears her boxers and t-shirt. she doesn't you until she goes to sit on her bed and feels something under her.

"what..?" jessie sits up, turning to look at her blanket. she pulls it up to see your sleeping face. a laugh of disbelief leaves her lips then quickly her expression changes to confusion. why were you here? you have classes around this time and never miss them since they're essential to your major. now she is really worried. were you sleeping away your small heartbreak from blondie or something?

she doesn't wake up as she slips in bed beside you. pressing her body against yours, her hands resting against your stomach. she nuzzles her face in the small space between the pillow and your neck. taking in your scent before pulling the blanket back over you two. she'll ask you about this later.

and that later comes when you two wake up around the same time. around ten pm, you wake up first. a small panic makes you want to sit up, confused on why you didn't wake up for all your other classes but you can't. a strong arm is over your waist, keeping you down.

"i love you but please everytime you move i wake up a little bit more and i would like to stay asleep, thank you," jessie murmurs. pulling you closer and you let her like always. "thought you were a deep sleeper?" you mumble back.

jessie lets out a tired chuckle. moving her hand to play with the waistband of your pajama pants. she does that often, but this time around you notice the flutter in your heart. was that always there? it probably was, you were just oblivious and wrote it off as just enjoying the movement. "i think i became a light sleeper after you kept waking me because of your morning classes."

"so it's my fault? sorry for ruining your sleep schedule then, freckles," you turn so that you two are facing face to face. her nose tickles yours. "apology accepted. uh, now speaking of classes. why didn't you go to yours?" jessie whispers. she could tell you were feeling sensitive especially from how you acted yesterday. she always knows what to say, what to do, how to act. how could you not realize you're in love with her before?

you stay silent for a moment to think over your answer. should you just tell her about your dilemma or keep it a secret for longer? you go with the latter.

"i don't know.. just tired. i guess my body needed a rest from that studying and running around from class to class," you say. jessie narrows her eyes at you like she doesn't think you're telling the truth and she doesn't. as your bestfriend she can tell when you're lying, easily. you start to talk all slow and soft like that will lighten the weight of your lie. your words aren't entirely a lie though.. just half.

"okay. just always know i'm here for you. if you really need a break we can go somewhere," her hand that's playing with your waistband slips slightly underneath. her holding onto your hip underneath your clothes wasn't weird. she likes the warmth and you like the feeling of something there. usually you would just enjoy it, but now it feels different. why are your emotions being this way? again, curse sasha.

"it's okay. i just want to stay here. i just need some time to decompress? i don't know.."

"if you need anything i'm here.." jessie's words are broken up by a yawn, "in the morning. i'm about to fall asleep again." you giggle, pushing away some of her hair that fell over her face. "okay, sleep. i'll be here in the morning freckles."

"where else would you be?" the canadian mumbles, slightly confused but just taking it as a joke. she drifts off to sleep easily after that. meanwhile you? it took a while to sleep. you just lay there, holding onto jessie as she holds onto you. thinking and thinking.

about the future, about jessie, about what to do.

what will you do?

distance. that's the decision you make for the time being when it comes to jessie and you. it's only temporary, you would never want to lose jessie forever. you just need a moment. a few moments.

it starts off slow with you deciding to not wear her clothes as much. usually you walk out of your dorm in at least one piece of her clothing. jessie doesn't really notice the change since you two's clothes are so mixed together at this point you guys share a closet. she can't tell the difference between her clothes or yours unless it's one of your croptops or short skirts you occasionally wear.

the weird feeling of not having something of hers on your body as you move around campus from class to class is jarring, but you need this. just to see if you are always thinking about jessie because you are really in love with her or because you have an attachment to something of hers that's physically with you.

you experiment with this little method of yours for a good week before you decide that's enough. you were missing the feeling of jessie being with you even if she wasn't physically and ultimately you realize that, yes, you're still thinking about jessie all the time. not because of some item but because it's jessie.

"finally you have my name on your back. thought you got ashamed of me or something," jessie jokes as she sits on her bed. watching you about to leave out of the dorm door. you're wearing one of her canadian jerseys with your outfit.

"as if. always proud of you, freckles. now i have to run or i'll be late like you." then you're gone out of the door. leaving jessie to her own devices.

your next method of checking if your feelings are in fact love is by replying to jessie's texts later and later. when you were out, your phone was on do not disturb and you didn't let jessie be one of the people to bypass that. wanting to see if not replying to her right away did something to you.

it definitely did and it did something to jessie too. the moment you stepped back into the dorm, she was ready to question you.

"you can't ignore me. what if i needed help with something or wanted you to buy a snack from the store?" jessie pouts, taking your purse away from you so that she can grab your phone out of it. "i wasn't ignoring you. i was busy, jess."

"yeah, okay. i believe you.." her attention is obviously not focused on you as she unlocks your phone. going straight to your do not disturb settings to see what's going on. she holds the phone up to your face and points to it, "why am i not on here?"

you are quick to make up some excuse. distracting jessie as you tell her that you will buy her some more non-fiction books if she forgives and easily just like that she does. still she's starting to get skeptical and more worried.

your little tests continue. you try to sleep in your own bed and convince jessie that it was too hot to cuddle which wasn't an entire lie. la is hot nearly all year around so it makes sense, but jessie can only take not having your cuddles for so long. after three days she basically collapsed on top of you, saying, "don't tell me to move away. i don't care, i'm sleepy and you haven't held me in forever. we always sleep together please.."

you give in right that moment. letting her sleep in your bed again.

while you're trying to figure everything out, jessie is figuring out her own feelings. why were you being distant? you may think she doesn't notice but she does. jessie nuzzles her face into your neck, searching for your usual comforting scent. you said you said you wouldn't push her away. that you wouldn't let her go. if acting like this isn't pushing away then she doesn't know what is.

after sasha did something wrong, are you avoiding affection? just avoiding people? jessie wishes she could peek into your mind. she's good at getting the gist of your emotions; that's from years of being by your side, but that doesn't mean communication isn't needed. that doesn't mean you didn't use to come straight to her with any problem and talk about it. instead of it being sasha's fault, was it jessie's fault? have the canadian done something to you and you didn't tell her?

that can't be right. you aren't like her who would rather be silent then express what's going on in her head. you were blunt and spoke your mind easily especially with jessie.

the soccer player doesn't like questioning herself or you, she just doesn't. she's secure in you two's friendship but it feels like you aren't at moment. just one push will lead jessie to just outright asking you. she can't take it anymore. she refuses to be tossed aside.

all those tests did nothing for your situation except confirming something you already knew: you're in love with jessie. your best friend who you have known since you were seven. the main reason why you chose to come to college in america and apply to ucla. the person you couldn't imagine being without. there is still one problem when it comes to all of this.

how does jessie feel? you don't want to ask, you don't want to know but at the same time you do. it's just frightening and unfamiliar to address at the moment so you don't.

instead you want to get away from everything. from jessie, your thoughts, all the baggage that comes with them. you just need an escape and you find it in gabriela. the spanish exchange student is happy to bring you along to one of the many parties she attends. you haven't gone to a single party this entire school year, too focused on your major and jessie. now with you pushing jessie aside for the moment you have the time. it's the weekend, you can let go for this once.

jessie's is away at the gym when you start to get ready to leave out. it's around nine, usually jessie would be in the dorm by this time but she's been slacking on staying in shape due to how many classes she had to take lately so now she's been taking time out to go to the gym at night. this was the perfect opportunity to get away without her noticing. knowing that she would question you and probably ask to come along if you said you were going to a party; with her always wanting to be you when you go somewhere unfamiliar.

you look in the mirror of the bathroom. the tight black dress on your body looks good and makes you feel good. your makeup is done, your hair is done, and you decide against wearing heels. feeling a bunch of pain in your feet won't help at all with you trying to forget everything.

as you walk out of the bathroom and go straight to your dorm door, shutting it behind you after you step out. the only thing you have is your purse that holds your phone and wallet. just because you were running away from your thoughts doesn't mean you were going to put yourself in a bad situation.

you

going to some party

i'll be back. don't worry 🩷

you text to jessie as you walk down the stairs. she doesn't reply and you don't expect her to. knowing she always puts her phone on do not disturb while at the gym, even for you (especially for you) because she's been getting distracted easily lately. good. she won't be on your mind for at least an hour or two if she doesn't text; that's what you tell yourself but it's not true. you're going to think about her entire the night but it's nice to think the opposite at the moment.

gabriela is waiting outside of your dorm building. she's wearing a dress similar to yours, but in pink. she grabs your hand once you come out, pulling you towards one of the ways out of campus.

"c'mon. these other girls are going to give us a ride," she smiles at you as she pulls you along. you laugh at how quickly she moves. obviously trying to get to the party right away.

"didn't know it was off campus," you say as you two reach the car. "everytime there are parties on campus they get noise complaints, so we just change spots," gabriela explains. a tall girl with braids sits in the passenger seat and you can see a short redhead in the driver's seat as you two approach a white car. both are wearing dresses as well. gabriela lets go of your hand to open the door for you, so you slip into the car and she follows after.

"hey girls! this is my friend, y/n. she's haven't been out like the entire time she been at ucla and i think she needs a good party," gabriela with her naturally friendly nature starts a conversation with the two women as the redhead pulls off. it's take a moment but you fall into the conversation too. your outgoing personality was showing itself.

by the time you all get to the party you get to know that the redhead is amber and the girl with braids is celeste. they're both quite friendly and you swear celeste is a little drunk already, but you don't mind really.

some pop song blasts throughout the house gabriela drags you into. there are so many people inside that you feel like you're in some elevator. despite all the people, gabriela pushes past them all to take you to the kitchen. letting go of your hand to start to make you a drink.

"i think you need to get a little drunk, yeah? just let it all go girl," she smiles as she hands you the mix of alcohol. it's some type of liquor, you don't know what but it doesn't taste bad going down your throat as you drink some.

"it's alright!" you shout over the music. the spainard nods her head in approval. you two stand in the kitchen for a little while, talking and drinking. some people would come in and out of the kitchen but most are out in the living room or even down in the basement. you feel yourself loosing up more as you drink more. your mind is only focused on one thing; dancing.

you grab onto gabriela's wrist, pulling her out of the kitchen. "come dance with me or you're no fun," you whisper against her ear when you two stop for a moment then you pull her all the way to where most people are dancing. gabriela presses her body against yours when you two start dancing. smiling when you let out a drunken giggle.

"it is fun, isn't it?" she whispers to you, right against your ear. you don't reply. just pulling her closer as the song changes.

it's nearly eleven when jessie checks her phone. now fully showered and changed after using the gym showers. she almost screamed because she swear she saw a mouse, but still she's clean now. she's walking out of the gym, scrolling through her messages. "what the hell..?" jessie mumbles, seeing your text. going to some party. i'll be back. don't worry 🩷

yeah, that's totally going to make her not worry. you never told her about going out earlier today or the day before. why wouldn't you tell her like you always do? this distant situation going on with you was not something she was about and this was the final straw.

when the canadian reaches you two's dorm, she tries to call you and it goes straight to voicemail. okay, worrying, but not too crazy. you were out at a party. you probably didn't hear the call, so she sends you back a text.

freckles 💗

it's getting late

are you coming back?

hurry please you said you watch the cheetah documentary with me

stay safe please ❤️

she waits almost forty minutes to see if you reply back or even read the text, but nope. nothing and no call back either. jessie doesn't want to seem like some obsessed friend, but with you not only being distant but not even telling her that you were going to go somewhere like you always do, she has a right to be worried.

who were you with? and where exactly were you? two questions that were about to be answered if jessie plays her cards right. she was going to come and find you because frankly she has had enough. the canadian texts the first person she knows that seem to always be out and about at different parties; hallie.

ms. canadian

hallie

help me out please 🙏🏻

blonde #1

anything for my fave syrup sippier

what is it?

ms. canadian

don't call me that again

anyways

do you know any parties that are going on right now?

blonde #1

none on campus. people kept sending noise complaints 😐

there is one i got invited to by some redhead. forgot her name

she's in my pottery class

never ended up going because .. i have an exam tomorrow so

ms. canadian

can you take me there?

i'll explain later

blonde #1

weird coming from you but okay

gimme five minutes and i'll be outside your dorm

jessie doesn't reply. putting her phone down so she can slip back on her shoes. it takes less then five minutes for hallie to knock on the dorm door. she was only down the hall anyways.

"so why are you, the most i don't like parties person ever, asking me to take you to a party?" hallie asks as jessie comes out of the room. locking it behind herself before the two start to walk out of the dorm building.

"because.. y/n might be there and she asked me to come get her so," jessie half lies. you haven't even replied to her text, but hallie didn't need to know that. the blonde takes the excuse easily. paying more attention to how she hates that her exams are stopping her from living her best college life. jessie listens to her rants on the way to party. all of the brunette's attention on you and what's going to happen once she finds you.

you have drunk at least four drinks in the past almost two hours. being a light weight is no fun as you're now sitting on the back patio which is surprisingly empty. gabriela is somewhere inside. probably off making out with some girl. earlier when you were drinking, you didn't think about anything but now that you slowed down and is out of that party environment, all you can think about is jessie.

why are things this way? why are you this way? why can't you just talk to jessie and just ask her. are you in love with me? why you can't just tell her. i'm in love with you.

nothing makes sense and you're out here on this patio alone and you want another drink but too tired to go back into that music filled building and all those thoughts you been pushing away are suddenly and you swear tears are about to swell up in your eyes and you hear jessie?

"why is up with you and running off?" you turn to see jessie on the back patio as well. while you were overthinking in your drunken state, hallie and jessie had made it to the party. with jessie somehow finding gabriela on the couch kissing some girl that jessie didn't have the time or care to give a glance to. after being told where you were, she immediately came outside.

"well, are you going to answer?" she says, coming closer to where you are on the patio steps. this is really what you don't need right now or is it actually what you been needing all along? with the mix of your buildup of thoughts and the alcohol, you stand, ready to say something.

"i was trying to get away from you.." the words come out in a mumble, loud enough just for jessie to hear. a hurt expression is on the brunette's face, but she doesn't step away from you. instead pulling you close. "why? what did i do? what did i say?" she whispers to you as she leans in close so you two's faces are close enough to hear eachother. "i been trying to get why you're distant and i just can't. you said you wouldn't push me away, that you wouldn't let me go, so why are you now? what could i have possibly done?"

the self doubt in her tone makes you frown. your hands move to hold onto her waist; a comfort.

"nothing. it's me, it's my fault," you whisper back. jessie looks confused but she wasn't going to let this conversation end here.

"just tell me what's going on and we'll figure it out. we always do," she leans in closer. her nose touching yours.

you might as well say it right? jessie's so close, she's right here in front of you. she wants to know.

"i think i'm in love with you," you say. closely watching jessie's expression go blank. she blinks, once, twice then she smiles, "i think i'm in love with you too."

and then she kisses you. it isn't the most romantic scene ever. on the back patio of some college party, but still the kiss feels so warm. so comforting. so right.

author notes: that was a lot 🙇🏽‍♀️ probably the most mentally exhausting part to write so far, but i love this actually even tho it feels a bit rushed. finally we're getting somewhere. hope y'all liked it!

© THINKINGABOUTJAEDYN

[pomefioredove]

heyyy! i really love your writing🥹🥹 btw can i request a hc with riddle and jamil (separated) with gn!reader who’s very lazy and they have a test and only study the morning before the test? but somehow pass?? i wanna see their reaction

anyway sorry if i made any mistakes, this is my very first request and english is not my first language😔 it’s fine if you can’t do it!!

-🎲

no worries! this is a great request, their reactions would be very funny

summary: reader miraculously passes a test they last-minute studied for type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, jamil additional info: platonic or romantic, reader is not specified to be yuu, reader is gender neutral, not proofread

Jamil knew that it wasn't his place to judge

after all, being raised with the al-Asims, he'd been taught to keep his bitter thoughts to himself

but something about your carelessness reminded him all too much of Kalim

...okay... maybe you weren't exactly partying, or spacing out, but your complete lack of conviction is almost identical

and, so, Jamil decides to give you a word of advice the day before the big exam

"Worried about tomorrow's History of Magic test?"

he even gives you a big smile, trying to play it off as a casual question

you shrug. "Eh, not really,"

"If I were you, I'd be a little more concerned. The grading system is very strict at NRC,"

and with that, he's gone

his sly remark, spoken as if in friendly conversation, leaves him feeling a little more satisfied with himself

he doesn't even feel irked when Kalim nearly sleeps through the test, or when he forgets his notes, or when he absent-mindedly reads the questions aloud during...

in fact, Jamil is quite confident that in any case, you'll do much worse than Kalim, which saves the both of them

after the exam scores are posted in the hall, you find him

"What did you get?"

Jamil hates answering these kinds of questions, especially knowing that he could be in the top of the class if he was allowed to try. "Passing. And you?"

"Well..." you smile. "I really thought about what you said, so I studied this morning."

Jamil's sour mood at his own score seems to lighten

you studied the morning of the exam? oh, this was going to be rich

"...And I got full marks!"

...what.

you show him the paper and it takes all his strength to keep his usual poker face

otherwise, his jaw would drop

"How did... how?"

you shrug. "Good study plan, I guess,"

"Hmph," he crosses his arms. "Well, then... you'll have to come tutor Kalim sometime. What works for you must work for him,"

Riddle spends the entire week pestering you about studying

"I just don't feel like it," you groan

goodness. you sound just like that terrible Floyd...

"It's not a matter of want, it's a matter of need. This exam counts for a significant amount of your grade!"

"Eh... I'll just wing it,"

wing it?! oh, now you've really done it

"Consider yourself lucky for not being a part of Heartslabyul. I would have your head for that!"

and then he storms out. how graceful!

when he sees you the following afternoon, that calm, unbothered look of yours is still on your face. it drives him mad

"If I were you, I'd be praying," he says. he's almost smug about it

Riddle earns full points on every exam- it's just a given. he's sure that the two of you will be on polar opposites of the grade spectrum once the results are posted

you shrug. "Yeah, about that... I thought about what you said, and decided that I don't want to have to retake this class. So I studied this morning,"

he almost smirks. "One last-minute cram won't be enough to raise your grade above failing, I'm afraid. But perhaps this will serve as a lesson, next time you-"

Riddle stops dead in his tracks as Trein posts the exam results on the wall behind you

his eyes widen

"Full... full marks?! We're in the same percent!? How is that possible?!"

You chuckle as his face goes all red, both frustrated and flustered

"Hey, you should count this as a victory for yourself. You give great advice,"

[dangeroussheepcherryblossom]

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐖𝐞 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 ― 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐞 ― Say it, he thinks, but it feels like something's caught in his throat, like he's trying to choke it down. I love you. Three words. Simple and straightforward - Price likes things that way. But the truth, of course, isn't easy. That's just the way things are. Notes: Hey, everyone! First time writing, so I'm really excited! Sorry for any spelling errors, English isn't my native language.I used Jill Valentine's nickname - supercop - to refer to the reader (female version). Kisses! John Price went to see her again. Even lying on the chair, with his eyes half-closed, Soap could see his shadow on the infirmary wall. He didn't say anything. Instead, he removed the tangled blanket from himself and folded it over the chair's narrow arm. He ran his fingers over his neck, feeling the knots forming at the back of his head. Then, he stood up and opened the blinds as he had done for the past six days, until the sunbeams infiltrated the room, bringing warmth to his body.

There was an annoying beeping sound. It meant her body was still stable. Soap hoped the tests would prove the same.

"You need to rest," Price said.

"I'm fine," Soap murmured when he saw him approach.

"That wasn't a question, Soap. You look like crap."

The younger man shook his head, unconvinced. He stared at the captain, insolent, challenging him to question him again. "What happened wasn't your fault," Price continued.

"Just keep telling yourself that," Soap stopped in front of the sleeping figure, turning his arm to examine the scratches and bruises accumulating on his skin.

"As a captain, I'd do anything to ensure the safety of my men. You're my team. It's my duty to protect you," Price said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I think about that mission every day. I feel like I failed you all," Price continued, stumbling over his words. "That burden isn't yours. You did your job, protected your partner. Don't blame yourself for something that's out of your control."

The two men fell silent for a few minutes.

Now, if Price were being honest with himself and with Soap, he knew much had already been taken from him by that point; his men, his team, his friends. At some point, Price couldn't remember them as anything but dead soldiers, drowned in their own blood, a bullet mark on their chest. It troubled him because it seemed to hide the best of them.

You can't save everyone.

And this feeling of losing another person, seeing them turn into a memory, never terrified him as much as it did now. Price didn't want to lose her either.

It was Soap who broke the silence: "Do you feel the same?" he murmured, "Does it get better at some point?"

"No," the captain replied, "That's the burden for people like us. It never gets better."

Soap sighed, his eyes burning from all the suppressed hours of sleep. One second passed, then another. The man finally gave in to exhaustion. "I'm going," he said, "If she wakes up..."

"You'll be the first to know," the captain added.

The younger man nodded, satisfied with the response. He looked defeated, and that wasn't an understatement. It was as if he had taken a beating - which wouldn't be entirely wrong. Rest would do him good.

❛ They were at a bar.

The entire Task Force 141 gathered at a dusty table, with grease and cheap beer stains on the wood. "I doubt this glass has been washed in the last decade," Gaz laughed, raising the glass to his face. "To good memories of terrible places and even worse people," he toasted.

"And may this madness end someday," Soap continued, but none of them believed it as they downed their drinks. "I'm still not ready to die."

"If you keep talking so much during the mission..."

"Oh, screw off."

The fact was: they bonded over their similar experiences of being thrown into the desert to survive. To kill - and they had a taste for it; bitter and sweet at the same time. A terrible combination to have in those days and, above all, in that place.

But they knew they could count on each other.

"Don't be reckless."

(Don't die)

"Still standing?"

(You okay?)

And then, suddenly, there they all were - older, new scars on their skin - as they waited for you to wake up after the tragedy. "Come on, Supercop. I'm dying of boredom waiting for you to wake up," Simon said once, "Or just dying."

The captain supposes that's the nature of your relationship: you and Simon were opposite poles of the same coin and yet, a perfect synchrony in the field.

"Do you know why the horse was using the payphone?"

"If you keep this up, I'm going to stick this gun in my mouth and pull the trigger." ❜

Price smiled gently at the memory, leaning back in the chair. His blue eyes rested on your sleeping figure, and the sight made his heart race. It always did, from the first time you smiled at him, to the most recent. He knows why. Hell, of course, he knows why. It took him almost a year to realize what flushed cheeks and clammy hands meant: the lack of air and the intrinsic need to know you were okay.

Perhaps if Price were a decent man - a bit more like the 19-year-old boy who enlisted in the army with naive ideas about justice and life. In that version, he would ask you out, buy a flower, and take you to an expensive restaurant, like the ones he used to see in commercials when he was a kid. He would hold your hand and listen to you talk about whatever you were interested in at the moment (no matter how silly it might seem).

He wonders if you'd wear something green. Green suits you.

You'd get tipsy on wine, and Price would take a sip of whiskey and watch your eyes get a little droopier and a little redder than they were before dinner, and when you'd go home together, he'd resist every urge of his body to smooth that stray strand of hair that gets caught at the back of your head.

Price doesn't know if you want these things; he just presumes you do. He presumes you'd like to go out at night, wear something pretty, and feel someone's touch. And he presumes you want love - Price wants it too, for all he's never said out loud.

A minute passes.

Price lets his head fall back in the chair. (...)

You smiled at him. Beautiful, hopeful, and said, "Hey, captain."

Skin marked by the sun, gunpowder, and sweat. Full, reddened lips curved into a smile, but whether it was because of him or something MacTavish said, he couldn't say.

Price smiles too. 'That's it,' he thinks. 'I love this woman.'

Still, all he says is, "Hey, soldier."

(...)

Patience is a virtue.

And, like so many others, not everyone possesses it.

MacTavish was one of those people.

Perhaps part of it was due to his extroverted nature, 'Part of the Scottish charm,' he would say, and then you would roll your eyes in a way that Price could swear one day they would get stuck that way. So, it was no surprise that when the captain received the news that you had woken up, Soap was already in the medical wing - and the sound of your voices, jokes, and sarcastic remarks that he would like to find annoying, but the desire to suppress a smile often found its way somehow.

"Why does the food have to be so bad?, he hears you cry, "Nurse!" you say, "I'm dying from neglect here."

Gaz arrives shortly after, followed by Simon and his praises that could easily be mistaken for insults. Price knows that's the skull-masked man's way of showing he cares.

The team was reunited once again.

Price would like to freeze moments like this.

(...) "You're avoiding me," it wasn't a question.

Price should've expected this - sooner or later. You were smart. Too smart for your own good.

A second passes, the door closes behind with a soft thud. "Captain," you continue, pursing your lips, more indulgent than anything else. There she is, he thinks, my tough girl.

"Sergeant," he greets, sliding his calloused fingers over the cigar and placing it on the metal ashtray on the table full of memoranda and telexes, the nicotine still burning his lungs.

"You're avoiding me," you repeated when the captain's eyes met yours for the first time. "If this has anything to do with the last mission…"

Price sighed slowly.

"It was them or us. Women and children," he continued, his voice lowering as if it were coming from a tunnel. "They weren't part of the mission, but…"

"You wouldn't abandon them, I know," the captain interrupted. "I would have made the same choice, Sergeant."

"Wait, what?"

Price let his back hit the upholstery of the chair. He knew this moment would come - the breaking point. The line between calm and storm has always been too short for John Price anyway.

But this was entirely new territory. Dangerous territory.

"So why did you pull me out of the last mission?"

I'm worried about you.

"The doctor said you needed more rest."

I can't risk losing you again.

"Nonsense," you say, walking towards the captain's desk. "John, what's going on?"

Say it, he thinks, but it feels like something's caught in his throat, like he's trying to choke it down. I love you. Three words. Simple and straightforward - Price likes things that way. But the truth, of course, isn't easy. That's just the way things are.

"What's between us, John?"

"That's really…"

You don't let him finish. "At least have the guts to tell me what I did, or are you a coward?"

Coward. That's certainly a word no one has called him before. Not in the army. Not when he became a captain. Never in his life – never. Until today.

Price looks at you once again. His eyebrows are furrowed, his blue gaze fixed on yours until his eyes lower to your clavicle. He's wrapped in a thick layer of cream-colored bandages, which are wrapped below his armpit, above his shoulder, and around his chest.

He feels his breath catch in his throat and remembers your dead weight in his arms. He remembers your blood stiffening his skin, accumulating under his cuticles, buried beneath his nails. It took days to clean up. Days.

"You didn't do anything," he responds coldly. His expression is as stoic as ever, but his eyes are screaming at you. "And don't use that tone with me."

You scoff. "Whatever." The word is cold, and you shake your head, heading towards the door once again. "Enjoy your cigar and paperwork."

But even as his thoughts beg you to keep walking away from him, the captain's arm is still reaching out, his toned fingers gripping your wrist in a sticky grip. He pulls you back, quickly turning his head so he doesn't miss the sudden pink flush on top of your cheeks.

He shouldn't be allowed to touch you anymore, but he craves it. He longs for it; his unconscious mind is entrusted to you. And if you decide to break it in half, he supposes he'll have to fall apart.

Your eyes are masked by a transparent layer of moisture. Tears of anger, he deduces. Tears of anger because he's being cruel to you. He knows he's not being entirely rational. He wants to say the blame isn't yours - it's his. And if you never sought him out again, he wouldn't blame you for that either.

You're stuck in his head, and for all his life, he can't erase you from his thoughts; but he knows he let you in on your own. He was tired of being alone, and you offered him your hand, and he still hasn't let go. He wonders if that hurts you more. He should let go. He really should let go. But he doesn't.

And he doesn't care if you can protect yourself - he knows you can. All he wants is to get you out of this. He swore to himself that he would save you from this shitty world. That he would somehow free you from the shackles of this life because he can't stand to see you suffer because of it much longer.

"I'm sorry," he says. An apology. It's short and sweet - like "I love you" - but much easier to say.

You sigh, your expression softening under his sincere gaze. It's like you're stroking you, warming you to the bones.

"Walk with me?" he asks you.

His grip on your wrist remains as you walk alongside him, until he lets his hand fall back to his side, his fingers just brushing against yours in a weak attempt to feel the heat of your boiling body on his skin.

Price was the one who broke the silence.

"You scared the shit out of me back there," he admits, purposely slowing his pace.

"I'm fine," you reaffirm firmly. "And that must be the first time I hear you say you were scared."

The captain's eyes narrowed. Frustration tightened his voice a bit, but he found it incredibly attractive when he said, ''You never respond the way people expect you to respond.'' The wind blows angrily, making his hair fly. Price could feel the shivers that her scent caused him. "And there are few things that scare me."

Losing you is, he thinks.

His heart beats melodiously, pumping blood and sending some to his cheeks.

"Maybe you're sick. Let's examine you before it completely devours your brain."

He laughs lightly, and she thinks how good it is when he does that. Price's face is always so stern, so cold when they're around other people. It's like it's a secret only she knows.

Price can't remember exactly the next hour - what he might have said, the sounds around him. None of it seemed important to him at that moment. But he remembers her smile and the way her eyes close when she does. The rosy hue on her cheeks because of the cold weather.

Say it. Just say it to her.

His hands touched the doorknob of his office door.

"Sergeant."

Her eyes sought the captain's blue eyes over her shoulder. "Yes, captain?"

"It's good to have you back," he says with that careful, somber voice a second later.

You smile at him once again. "Thank you, captain."

Say it. Tell her.

"You…," he tries again. The words died before they could pass through his lips.

"Yes?"

"You should smile more often."

He doesn't miss how her cheeks became even rosier. His heart skips a beat when she asks, "Why?"

"I love the way you smile," he says simply.

Her hands slid away from the doorknob.

She kisses him first.

Price has a moment outside of his body, as if he couldn't believe this was really happening. Her kiss is gentle, her hands hesitant against his chest, and then somehow they're against the wall of his office.

She places her hands on each side of his face, and the room disappears. He's never been so lost in a kiss before. Then he grabbed the back of her thigh, pulling her up and slamming her against the door again. Their hearts were pounding in their chests, as if the air was being knocked out of them. "Damn," he whispered against my lips. "I want you."

"You're not the only one." He snapped, catching her bottom lip between his teeth, the heat of his mouth sending shivers down your spine. "You get everything you want You need me," he argued, kissing her once more.

[wosoluver]

Not good at saying goodbyes.

part 4/4 - previous.

Lena Oberdorf x reader.

The match day came around. You were glad to be in the starting line-up. Last few days had been a little less insufferable as you tried going back to your routine.

You had been playing great. But not enough to make sure the team scored. As everyone started feeling a little desperate over time running out, you all gathered in the goal area, after managing a corner kick. As the referee gave the go ahead, you all jumped, trying to score a header.

You didn't know if you had miscalculated your actions or if someone else was at fault for it, but your head had hardly collided with another player's.

You instantly fell to the ground. You tried to say something, but your vision had quickly blurred turning black, and there was an awful ringing in your ears.

You had fallen unconscious.

"Y/N! Can you hear me?" Georgia tried to keep as calm as possible, like a captain should.

"Get out of my fucking way! Y/N? Are you okay? Y/N!" no one had ever seen Lena like this. Not in Wolfsburg, not at the national team.

She pushed everyone in her way to kneel right next to you.

"Y/N! Call the medics, the damn medics! Why are they not here yet?"

"Obi calm down! They're here." Lea said while holding her best friend back as you were being put on the stretcher.

"Hey, I'm here! I'm here, I love you...okay?"

she wiggled out of Lea's grip, as she walked, holding your hand as they carried you out of the field.

"Lena!" - they pulled her in a hug, as a small tear ran down her cheek. "You need to concentrate, we only have 25 minutes left. I need you here."

No words came out of her. All she could do was nod.

Twenty-five minutes had never seemed so long. She rant to the locker room to get showered and changed, so she could follow you, wherever you were.

"Do you know where they've taken her?" she asked Giulia. She would definitely know.

"Yes. Everyone is going back to the hotel. We can uber there."

"I'm so sorry. I was so stupid. When I saw you laying unconscious, I was so desperate, I couldn't lose you again." she said sitting on a chair next to you. You were laying down, eyes closed. "I has devastated when you left. I celebrated your birthday every year, made my mom make a cake and all. Until about 14, then it started feeling terrible. So I stopped. I insisted on setting up your stocking for christmas and-"

"You still haven't watched the Hannah Montana movie. I know." you whispered out as best as you could.

"Your awake!"

"Have been since before you got here."

"You were pretending?"

"No, I was napping, they gave me some meds for the headache. They're only waiting for the scan and test results to come back, so they can discharge me. Just a mild concussion."

"Did you just say 'just'? You blacked out! It could have been so much worse!"

"But it wasn't! Do I have a bruise?"

"No. I mean yes. Don't panic."

"Lena-"

"It's Obi."

"Obi, I'm sorry about everything. I was such a foolish child. I've regretted that every single day since then. You won't lose me this time."

"I know. And I'm sorry for the way I have been acting. I've missed you so much. You have no idea. So much has happened."

"I tried my best to keep up with everything. So, national team's best young player?"

"And you! Playing for the best team in the world! Also you clearly play like a spaniard."

"I can't tell if that's a good thing or not."

"It's both. At least you remember the same plays we used to do."

"Excuse me?" the doctor said as he walked in. "Your results are back. You're good. I'll discharge you, but you'll have to take it easy. Not playing or training for two days, just for caution. Also don't recommend you drive. I'll prescribe you medication for the headache you'll definitely have and you have to come in again tomorrow afternoon, for a check. So I can clear you, definitively."

"Okay then, thank you."

"No problem, see you tomorrow."

You both left the room to meet with Giulia in the waiting room.

"Ah good to see you two getting along."

"Thank you for coming too."

"No problem, do you remember anything?"

"Not really anything after hitting my head, until I woke up here."

"You should have seen Lena! 'Please don't leave, I love you!'. No one believed their eyes."

"Awn said you loved me?"

"No I didn't, Giulia shut it!"

"She did! She held your hand all the way out of the field. Even cried a little."

"That's cute. Thank you for being there." you said looking deep into her eyes. As she gave you a reassuring nod.

"Who won the game after all?"

"Not us. But it's fine, we're still winning the championship."

"I can't believe I won't be able to fly back with the team."

"I'll stay over too. Tomorrow is day off anyways." said Obi.

"Well were arrived at the hotel." said Giulia grabbing our attention.

Your bestfriend made sure to walk you to your room. But before she could walk away, you stopped her.

"Do you want to have a sleepover?"

Thank you for this great request! Hope you enjoyed. Sorry for taking so long on the last part 🩷

[joyfulapostate]

hey! i love your work so much, i think you're doing amazing things and i always look forward seeing your posts on my dash.

i was wondering if you'd consider doing a post/sharing your thoughts on the concept of "being in the world but not of the world." it's something that's been on my mind lately, the kind of simultaneous victim/superiority complex that idea could potentially inspire. some verses related to that idea are 1 John 2:15-17 , John 15:19 , and Romans 12:2 .

in any case, i hope you have a fantastic day--you have no idea how important your work is, not only to me but countless others too.

Hello! I am so touched that you find my work meaningful. Thank you for sending this in! It's a fascinating subject and a lot to unpack (after all, it's the whole world we were asked to give up).

As a former fundie, the anti-world messages in these verses hit me pretty hard. They remind me of the years I lost to the faith and the paths I didn’t take. It's strange, because these verses felt so run-of-the-mill when I was a Christian. Of course I was not of the world, I was merely visiting this planet and I would return to my heavenly father once I passed his earthly test. 

I was told as a Christian that the secularization of society was a direct attack on our way of life, that “the world” wanted to replace all of the things that I valued with cheap knock-offs. Sex instead of holy matrimony, prideful independence instead of relying on my heavenly father. I had a very us-versus-them mentality where the "us" was guaranteed to win in the long game of eternity. I won't lie, I felt superior to secular people when I was a Christian. But the trick was, I didn't think that the superiority belonged to me, it belonged to the Christian god. It wasn't me who was better than other people, I was just letting my god protect me from the pitfalls of an earthly existence. If there was goodness or glory in that journey, it did not belong to me. It all belonged to him. It was a “get-out-of-pride free” card.

I had been sold this idea that the world was against “us.” I didn't notice that that hadn't been true for quite a long time. But most of the people around me were acting as if they were still in danger of being persecuted by some modern equivalent of the Romans. The persecution complex was strong, but entirely baseless. Because living in a multicultural society is not the same thing as persecution, even though they were treated as one and the same in my fundamentalist community.

I didn't want to notice that it wasn't loving to ask people to give up their whole lives. I had inherited this ancient contract that told me that I could gain an eternal life. All I had to do was give up everything. I was supposed to treat the world like a den of vipers, to regard everything earthly as garbage, and to live as if I was born in heaven's waiting room. There was no negotiation and the details that I did have were quite hazy as to what that eternal life would be like. And I was supposed to give up the only life I’d ever experienced for vague promises, sight unseen.

As a fundamentalist, I took the sacrificial mathematics of Christianity for granted. Our sacrifice mirrored Christ’s own– it's a compelling story. And I can see how it's attractive for people who crave the purpose, belonging, and freedom from suffering that Christianity promises. But I'm not ready to give up on this life and on this world for an incredibly shady deal. I don't believe that the only way we can be good people is by handing our lives over to someone who does not allow us to have informed consent in an eternal contract.

We deserve to have a connection with this world. We know that this life is real and ready for us to participate in. And if someone wants to separate us from the world, then they'd better be ready to tell us, in detail, the conditions of that contract.

Otherwise, I'm going to go ahead and love the world and the things in the world as long as I'm alive.

links, glorious links

[disdaidal]

Good news: your girl got a call from her school today, passed all her exams and is getting her high school diploma this spring/summer, so yay.

I’m “only” 34 after all, but what the fuck. I did it.

[youjustfeelthemforever]

Cried over an English test but hey I'm alive

[ljussangen]

I keep remembering how happy my man was when I told him that I am pregnant. :’)

[ghosthunterbuck]

.

[hannibalismos-jaaneman]

[stardustedknuckles]

My previous doctor and the cancer doctor had no trouble figuring out that whatever I'm dealing with comes and goes, which means that like if I feel good enough to drag my ass to lab for a blood draw they're probably not going to find much wrong. If I felt okay enough to get dressed and drive myself, unscheduled, I'm not in a flare.

New doctor is being obtuse about it though. "I mean we can refer you to a rheumatologist but you'll have to do a screening panel first." Lady I only got the first blood panel because I was in the fucking hospital. Any day I feel like marching my ass up here so your nurse can stab me (badly! That shit hurt!) is a day you're not going to find a lot going on in there. Why is this so hard to understand and what part of a past history of finally being able to catch when something was actively wrong are you choosing to ignore right now.

[icedteaandoldlace]

Friends, ya girl is anemic. I got my blood tested yesterday and just got the results in today. Now I'm looking back over all the symptoms I had before, and everything is making so much sense. I just never realized that they were connected because I was chalking it up to hormones and ADHD related issues (and I did think I has anemia a few years ago, but that time I went to the doctor and tested negative). Anemia being behind it all never even occurred to me.

So anyways, I'm on iron now. And hopefully this will help me kick my ice eating habit, because it's been unreasonably difficult to quit.

[dramatic-dolphin]

re that last post: honorable mention goes to the time the laws of mathematics changed but only where i was sitting

we were doing some statistics in class or i honestly don't even know anymore, but there was a complicated little equation. and i punched it into my calculator and it was Not the correct answer (which was on the whiteboard already)

so i said "ugh i probably put in the wrong numbers somewhere because i am chronically inattetive" because this has been happening to me since the dawn of time and was the cause of 90% of my point losses on math tests in middle school

so i did it again. and got the exact same answer again. "hey did i copy the equation correctly?" i did. i tried doing most of it by hand except for the part where i needed a calculator because i can't do square roots in my head. same answer. "hey maybe my calculator is broken" did some random equations, everything else was correct.

"ummmm professor, it's. i can't get the answer. i mean i can, but i can't, i- uh, come over here?"

i punched in the equation again. same result. "SEE? i did it all right!" and then i did it again at her request.

"hmm" the teacher said "you DID copy it over correctly and that was the right equation." "RIGHT??" i said, vindicated.

"well, keep trying." she said, and left, because she was an asshole.

i never did get the correct answer.