#i will sue them for emotional damages i swear to fuck

[fivevotesdown]

oh here we go now

[shrimplicitly]

im so tired of orange white women with ugly ass yellow bobs coming into our pizza hut station and getting capital e p Extremely Pissed that one of our two slushy makers arent working im like getting real sick and tired of it

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

oh my GOD YES. like i could've ranted to my irls but none of them had watched the movie and i didn't wamt to ruin it for them so, IM STRUGGLING HERE.

first off, starting with matt murdock. i screamed when i saw that man on screen. literally the whole theatre screamed. "im just a really good lawyer" FUCK YEAH YOU ARE.

now, for mr. otto octavius, i have a new found respect for him, like actually. he means the world to me. protect him at all costs.

i basically screamed the whole movie so don't mind me.

i screamed whenever i saw an old character.

that's where the spideys come in. THE WAY I SHOUTED WHEN I SAW ANDREW OM THE SCREEN, AND I SHOUTED EVEN MORE WHEN I SAW TOBEY even though i knew they were going to be there.

(im so proud of our fandom bye-)

and and and, i fucking cried for a whole half an hour when may died. half an hour. people were crying, and i was the ceo.

"let me just catch my breath, yeah?"

"yeah yeah, catch our breath. just me and you may, just me and you"

can u see me sobbing marvel. can u see me sobbing.

i even came back home and cried because i don't know why but i was so deeply hurt when may died, and the way happy saw them before getting arrested.

and when dr. strange just went,

"peter, everyone who ever loved you, we'll all forget you"

DID WE SEE THAT SUDDEN VULNERABILITY AT THE END.

and the golden trio, them communicating how tobey maguire's spiderman fluids come from within his body

that was so wholesome. like they're together my spirit animal.

and i swear to god i shouted the loudest when andrew saved mj. im not even kidding. ANDREW SAVED MJ.

okay well, that's it. i guess. ive been crying since last night i don't know how to cope.

wait, NOW EDDIE BROCK....

None of my IRL friends even watch it but I have been bugging my family all week 😂

YES MATT MURDOCK! He was the one rumour I really didn’t think would be true but I’m so happy it was!!! He was amazing and how he can be an MCU lawyer and ahsjsj I just love him.

I have always loved Otto as a villain and this movie just confirmed it. He was amazing.

I am still screaming dude. I haven’t recovered and it’s gonna be a while until I do.

I knew they would be there too and the whole cinema screamed. That’s why I love watching marvel at the cinema.

Listen when May died I did not stop crying the rest of the film. Everything hurt and nothing was okay, I didn’t have time to process it before everything else happened so I’m still reeling.

NO I CANT DONT DO THIS. They really said we’re gonna cause pain and did so.

@marvel I’m gonna sue your ass for emotional damage if you don’t somehow fix this. Thanks.

I had to come home and take a moment to lie down and just process it all. It was a LOT. Everything just hurt and nothing was okay.

I CANNOT. It’s like reliving it and it hurts but I’ve come to terms with it. There’s lots of different perspectives though that have been very interesting.

Omg Spidey bros 🥺🥺🥺 i miss them already and I needed a post credit scene with them and we didn’t even get it. I was hoping and praying but nope. After a movie like that they usually give us a hopeful or funny post credit scene but nope.

Andrew was so amazing and next to Tom definitely my favourite Spidey. I didn’t originally like him but he’s really grown on me over the years. YES HIM SAVING MJ WAS AMAZING even if a bit rushed. The tears in his eyes 😭😭😭 I was sobbing

VENOM!!! They should have used him more but it’s definitely opened the gate for dark!peter since the symbiote takes over peter in the comics. Not to mention scorpion!! They still haven’t used him from hoco!!

[thequibblah]

directors cut for WTRF? 🥺👉👈 not biased at all obviously just objective third party asking for a directors cut hmmm hmmmmm

literally how could u do this every other word in that fic is an easter egg i can't shut up about..... bestie u are about to have regrets

one thing u should know is that 90% of things in this fic have real-world equivalents and its not even like....... hidden equivalents. serie primo = serie a, for instance. this trend is going to continue and i won't apologise <3

fun fact i named the bar the Bar and the drinks after shapes because i was too lazy to come up with something actually clever

this bit

I’m grinning to myself by the time she approaches my table.

was a very intentional fakeout and if you read this and thought "she" would be lily, feel free to sue me for emotional damages

the biggest conundrum of this AU was, how are jily not going to have met in school when magic exists? the solution was, of course, having multiple magic schools. but i couldn't let one of them have hogwarts, that didn't seem fair. i know i did sort of let lily have it..... but i felt more comfortable making hogwarts a university so there was a legit reason why james wasn't there and in gryffindor (if he'd gone he absolutely would have been)

once solved, i did the fun thing of naming them! ottaline gambol's was easy, i just scrolled through the list of ministers for magic and picked a progressive one. peverell hall was a whim, made all the funnier when lily's reaction is:

Much was made at Otty’s — one of the more progressive magical schools, named for one of the more progressive Ministers of Magic — of schools like Peverell Hall and St. George’s. The latter, I know, is chock-full of pureblooded elite. Peverell Hall is supposed to be slightly better, but still.

dang, it's gonna be funny if she ever finds out james is a descendant of the guy it's named after

fun fact, i included this because peter's question was a real thought i had when reading bond and free, your inspiring writing knows no limits:

The first thing you conjure in Walking Wombat is a yellow quill... “Why yellow?” Peter asked. Eddie gave him a strange look. “Why not?”

i realised i'd put jily in the same conundrum they had in tis the fucking season here:

It’s only then that I remember she’s just bought us drinks. I turn back to my triangle. “Oh, shit.” I suppose I can pawn it off on one of the others.

...but of course the resolution is rather different, and i do so enjoy a james with no filter (aka default james)

I briefly lose control of my brain and my tongue. “Is it too soon to say I’m in love with you?”

by the way, no-filter james will be a theme. wild things sure do run fast but not as fast as this boy runs his mouth!

also, another interesting challenge here was making sure james has a reason to be the way he is in AU. i love playing around with james's childhood/background and seeing how that affects his character while (hopefully!) staying true to who he is. i did that in ttfs by having him move around a lot and not meet the marauders until after the flashback timeline, which is why he's less of a git — he doesn't have the level of comfort in a social setting that canon james has with hogwarts, which is basically his playground from day 2 of first year lol

here, james was probably a fkn nightmare all through school, but of course he gets a big ego check when his quidditch career is derailed. i imagine his years in italy as a continuation of that humility lesson.

I will fully admit I used to be a cocky prick. This is what comes of being a kid who grew up with everything. But one useful thing that the whole fiasco four years ago taught me is humility. I’ve learned how to ask nicely for another chance.

and so much of writing him in wtrf is juggling that typical confidence with the insecurity/fear of losing something he's invested so much in (and has seen slip away before). it's really new to me, because typically i give lily uncertain life circumstances, but i suppose it's both of them in this AU.

the car thing was... i swear didn't start out as smutty, it was purely because i wanted a way to establish lily as muggleborn in a world where the connotations of not having magical parents is very different. more to come on that!

also, come to think of it, by this metric...

I’m now in dangerous territory, since that adds another impressive action to her running tally.

...i think james is already in love with her LOL

this bit:

The street is considered indecent and the downstairs hallway would have our landlady come running at once, so if it pleases Your Honour, we would recommend the sitting room sofa.

...was actually because in draft one lily was a lawyer, but then it was funny enough that i didn't want to take it out, but NOW i realise it makes it sound a little like she's addressing james as your honour, which.... hm. but anyway, we move on

Marc Bolan begs us to get it on through the stereo, vocalising my thoughts exactly.

the song here was initially "you shook me" (h/t @keepingupwithpotters) but i chickened out because zeppelin is SO horny dfjkhgkjs

also, it gave me so much joy to read everyone reacting to lily thinking about her ex (the general vibe was "who the fuck is this guy!!! ew!!!!") — rest assured (or, unassured??) that he has a part to play in all this. anyway, this is one of my fave lines:

He’s just a person, and there’s such a relief in sleeping with James and not the myth of a guy.

because as any come together reader knows....

Just James. Just James. It was never just James.

wtrf lily will learn!

literally the whole world knows i'm obsessed with needle drops that have no subtlety at all, but this one...

We just laugh, tangled together in a sweaty heap, as “Heaven Is in the Back Seat of My Cadillac” plays through the car’s speakers. “On the nose, isn’t it?” James says, sitting up.

...was pure luck, because i was looking up the top hits on the uk singles chart for the week(ish) this scene takes place in so that i could find a song that would realistically play on the radio, saw this, and was like omg the stars really do align

i feel like the thing i enjoy most about writing romance is the importance i get to place in noticing/looking/observing (and sometimes, not noticing!). it's just such a powerful but simple writerly tool, and god knows i am obsessed with pithy descriptions anyway, so this bit i am especially happy with:

James is already waiting, leaning against the car with his hands in his pockets. I feel as though I’m seeing him for the first time, the faint light of the flickering streetlamp catching him in profile: the strong slope of his nose, the hard line of his jaw, the curve of his smile. He studies the facade of our building with open curiosity, and I wonder what he’s looking for.

(one can only imagine james's train of thought in this moment. perhaps "ah. here lives the future love of my life"?)

“Thanks,” she tacks on at the end. I tip my head to one side in confusion. “For what?” “For, I don’t know. Being nice.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don’t do this very much.”

it wouldn't be a quibblah original tee em without some discourse to come about the nature of romantic/sexual relationships, would it? one thing i enjoy about this AU ("one thing" i say as if this isn't the billionth thing in a list) is that i get to write a romantic lily who's squaring that romanticism with what she perceives as the culture of the times. (this is a bit of a staple in all my characterisations of lily, but it is not often paired with casual sex, the complication of all complications!)

oh this bit literally wrote itself like i didn't even pause to think just vomited it out:

In the morning — and it must be early still — the sun streams through Lily’s sorry excuses for curtains with aggression that cannot be ignored. I crack open an eye to find myself sprawled out across her bed, quite literally spread-eagled. She’s attached to my side like a barnacle. Or a very pretty barnacle, anyway.

i'm especially proud of james's voice in this story. i don't often write first-person fic and i was worried how it'd turn out, but i think james as a character/narrator typically colours his own 3rd-person narration so strongly that it ended up a smoother transition than i'd feared!

also i just. i can't resist throwing in comic relief and i hope that this whole segment was a gentle enough preparation for the awkwardness that followed LOL

All of a sudden, the balcony door bursts open. I nearly drop the mug. “What the—” Mary pokes her head around the corner, sporting a righteous smile. “Morning, handsome.” Over her shoulder she shouts, “He’s on the balcony!” I blink. There’s a sound from inside the flat, as if something very large has just been dropped. Then a swear. “Oh, shit,” I say, realisation dawning, “you weren’t looking for me, were you? It’s so loud out here—” Mary cups a hand around her mouth and stage-whispers, “Lily was frantic.” She’s quite violently yanked back, and Lily herself appears in the doorway, slightly out of breath. “Should’ve checked the balcony first,” she says, and closes the door before Mary can insert herself into the space again. “Hi,” I say, which is agreed-upon best practice for greeting a woman you’ve just had fantastic sex with and ideally would like to have sex with again.

to this day i don't know what lily dropped. let's hope it wasn't expensive!

Captained the under-17 English squad at the World Cup some years back, Serie Primo’s lead goal-scorer of last year… Only an injury in what should’ve been his first season at Puddlemere mars his record. I wince reading about it and comparing it to a heap of press clippings. James Potter was hurt, and Puddlemere didn’t fancy paying for him not to play, so they shipped him off to Milan.

(you cannot imagine how much pointed interrogation of my brother it took to gather this intel.) i constantly worry that i've got dates or timelines wrong somehow — you might notice i tweaked under-17, which used to be under-19 until i realised that made no sense (even though in terms of its career importance i would much preferred it to have been u-19.... anyway). i also found out that u-17 football squads don't actually have captains but i said fuck it on that count.

but obviously i started writing this AU for the sports possibilities, only to discover i'm going to have to interfere a great deal with the Timeline (you shall see in future instalments).

god i really went through the whole fic. like i reread the whole thing to do this. here u go clare jfbghjfd

[krreader]

BTS scenario → them cheating with your best friend.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: cheating ; language  genre: angst word count: 1.8k+

a/n: so, I contemplated a long time on how I wanted to do this. part of me wanted to go all in and re-write the entire idea so that your best friend wouldn’t cheat, but then I ended up settling for different scenarios with each member that revolve around the topic of cheating with your best friend, because I know, technically these things COULD happen. So I hope you like what it ended up turning into love!!!

kim seokjin

How could she have been so fake? How could she have told you all those things in the past that you’d surely marry Seokjin and that it was obvious that you two were destined to be together and yet do this to you?

And how could he, the one you trusted the most, how could he betray you like this, take out your heart and stomp on it like it was nothing? Like you were nothing?

There were so many thoughts rushing through your brain the moment you set foot in his bedroom and saw what was going on that it was hard to pinpoint one exact emotion.

Anger, sadness, confusion, betrayal..

..it all swirled around in your head.

At least until Jin’s hands touched your arms.

And then all of a sudden it was gone and you snapped out of it, immediately pushing him away from you.

“(Y/N)..-“

But you didn’t say a word.

You just turned around, walked out of the apartment and out of his life. All calls from him and her were left unanswered, all voice messages were deleted and all text messages ended up never going through because you blocked them.

It’s hard, seeing something like this. But what was even harder were the years that followed.

The years of you never trusting anyone again because of what they’ve done to you.

min yoongi

Yoongi had been acting weird for a while now, but whenever you’d ask him about it, he’d just brush it off.

You thought maybe he had a lot to deal with at work, but usually he told you about that. Same goes for when he was having an argument with another member, he always came to you to talk about it.

It was as if he reverted back to his old self when you first started dating and he wasn’t sure just how much of himself and his thoughts, fears and wishes he could share with you. It took years for him to fully open up to you.. which is what made this even more frustrating.

“Okay, that’s it,” you said one night when he just silently got into bed and pulled the blanket over his body to go to sleep, “Whatever your problem is, tell me now. I’m tired of this, Yoongi.”

But he couldn’t tell you, he was way too ashamed of himself to even say it out loud to himself.

His phone rang and you really didn’t mean to check who it was or what it was about, but you were so angry when he decided that checking his phone in the middle of this argument was more important than you that you picked it up.

And well.. you ended up reading the message.

“You’re the biggest fucking asshole on this planet, Min Yoongi. I would have given you the chance to tell me that you were drunk, but that’s it. If you truly thought that I’d just throw away my best friend like she’s trash to fuck you, you’re dead wrong.”

Yoongi tried to explain it, but it was as if you couldn’t hear anything anymore. Your eyes kept reading the words over and over again, being so heartbroken over them, while at the same time being so thankful for your best friend that she’d not betray you, but stick with and up for you.

It was an emotional rollercoaster that you truly couldn’t deal with in that moment.

So you just left..

..and never came back again.

jung hoseok

“What the hell is going on here?!” you walked into the kitchen with Jimin behind you, his eyebrows as furrowed as yours.

This was supposed to be a fun “house party”, but what you saw right now didn’t look like fun at all.

Hoseok was holding his cheek and your best friend was breathing heavily.

“Yes, Hoseok? Why don’t you tell her what the hell is going on, huh?”

“(Y/N), it’s not..-“

“He tried to kiss me, that’s what’s going on!”

You started to laugh, thinking this might have been a joke, but Hoseok looked.. guilty. So guilty that you knew she was telling the truth.

“What?” your voice was small, barely audible and tears were already forming in your eyes at the mere thought that Hoseok was trying to cheat on you while you were only a few feet away.. with none other than your friend. Your best friend!

But she instantly put an arm around you, pointing at Hoseok and looking him dead in the eye, “You’re an asshole, Jung Hoseok. You don’t deserve her, you understand? Stay away from her and stay away from me!”

You left with her that night and only returned a week later to talk to him.

One final conversation, that’s what it ended up being, because he admitted to what he had nearly done.

And no matter who he was, no matter how much you loved him and how much that part of you wanted to forgive him, you wouldn’t be with someone that tried to kiss someone else.

You were better than that.

kim namjoon

“Sit,” Namjoon ordered, making you giggle, thinking that this might be something sexual. But his look was serious. So serious that that smile ended up vanishing from your face.

“Okay, now you’re scaring me.. what is it?”

“I didn’t know how I should tell, but it’s not fair of me to keep it a secret what I’m about to say,” he took a deep breath, then began, “Three months ago, (Y/B/F) sent me a nude out of the blue. I thought she might have been drunk or maybe had sent it to the wrong person, so I never replied to it and she didn’t say anything else either. After that, I was actually convinced that it had been a mistake. But two weeks ago I got another one and then an hour later another one. She said really sexual things that I’m not going to tell you because you don’t need to hear, but she’s been constantly sending me these things, despite me telling her to stop.”

Your jaw dropped more and more, then you started to snort, “Okay, ha ha. Very funny, good story. Is she here? Is this a prank? A video prank?”

“It’s not a prank and it’s not a joke, (Y/N),” Namjoon grabbed your hand and looked into your eyes, “I’m telling you this because this is not a best friend. I know she means the world to you, but this isn’t okay and you need to cut her as soon as possible. And if you don’t believe me..-“ Namjoon handed you the phone, “Then look for yourself.”

And then he left you to it, because he felt like whatever happened next, you would need a moment to breathe and think. If you truly decided to read the messages and would see the filthy stuff that your best had messaged him while probably simultaneously messaging you and pretending to be the friend that you were to her..

Namjoon just let out a sigh when he could hear you screaming at her on the phone five minutes later.

park jimin

Your best friend had always been the kind of girl to preach to you how wrong it was to take the man of your best friend (or the man of anyone, really).

But apparently, when your man was Park Jimin, there seemed to be an exception.

“You have five seconds to explain this to me, Jimin, or I swear to god I will leave this apartment and never come back.”

“Look at the messages! Read them!” Jimin yelled, tears already welling up in his eyes, “She always said these things, I never said anything like that back! I kept telling her that she shouldn’t say stuff like that because you’re her best friend and I’m with you, but she wouldn’t stop!”

A part of you wanted to believe him, but in your current state it just sounded like an excuse to you.

You still left that day, needing to gather your thoughts, but Jimin kept calling and showing up at your door to try and explain to you that this wasn’t what you thought it was.

Yes, he should have told you about what your ‘best friend’ was doing behind your back, but he was afraid.. afraid how it’d look.

However, it couldn’t have looked worse than it did now if he had just come clean.

Because now it looked like he had tried to hide it from you because he was a part of this.. affair.

kim taehyung

This was really unusual for Taehyung, there used to be days where he could barely go five hours without talking or seeing you.. but it’s been three weeks, almost four since he last called or showed up at your doorstep. True, the last months had been rocky in your relationship, stress and arguments clouded the happiness that you once cherished so much.. but even during bad times like this, he still at least.. called.

You still texted, but that was different..

So instead of waiting for him to make a move, you decided to simply surprise him at the dorms, with a bit of food and the biggest smile ever at the thought of finally seeing him again.

But it wasn’t at all how you imagined it.

“No,” was the first thing Namjoon said when he opened the door, then closed it behind him, “You don’t want to go inside there right now.”

“What?” you snorted, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’m not letting him do any more damage. This has already gone too far and you are not going to see what’s inside there.”

“You’re scaring me, Namjoon,” you furrowed your eyebrows, “Is he okay?”

Namjoon knew there was no easy way to tell you that Taehyung had an affair and it was even harder to tell you who dared to show up at the apartment today.

Every single Bangtan member lost their shit over how casual he was about it, they yelled at him, then threw out your best friend and told her that if she said only one thing to anybody, they’d make sure they’d sue her.. for.. something.

And Namjoon hated how you broke down in his arms, but he’d rather hold you like this than you break apart in front of him.

jeon jeongguk

“What are you doing?” you asked as you wrapped your arms around Jeongguk from behind and kissed his cheek.

“I’m playing with (Y/B/F).”

“Oh.. you two play a lot with each other these days.. I’m glad you get along so well.”

It was kind of sad how naive you were, but at the same time.. shouldn’t you be? Shouldn’t you completely trust your boyfriend anyways, but even more so with your best friend involved? Why should you worry when it were the two people you trusted the most?

It was only a few weeks later when Jeongguk went into the kitchen to make something to eat but didn’t close his laptop that you walked closer when a message came in. You did so with a smile when you saw her name, thinking that you could maybe joke around and pretend like you were Jeongguk or be like: “Nope, not Jeongguk, just your best friend in the world.”

But that never happened.

“I don’t know, Kookie..” came the first message that made you furrow your eyebrows. Since when did she call him Kookie? “I don’t feel comfortable meeting behind her back.. and I appreciate all the sweet things you’ve been telling me, but I feel like this is very wrong..”

And after that it was game over.

Because you scrolled up, and up, and up and read all the things he’s been telling her. How pretty she was, how talented and how smart she was and that he couldn’t wait for you to bring her over soon so he could see her..

“So.. I didn’t know which ramen you wanted, so I just..-“ but when he entered his bedroom fifteen minutes later, the room was empty, the closet open and most of your clothes gone.. it looked like you had left in a hurry.

Jeongguk immediately started to panic and the first place he looked was his computer and he knew you had seen it.

And you didn’t have to say it.. but he knew it was over..

[nat-20s]

i'm 17 and haven't kissed anyone yet either, it is SO RELIEVING to hear that someone else is in my boat. you are wonderful and i wish you as many kissing partners as your heart desires once quarantine ends <3

everyone that wanted to kiss people at a way earlier age and hasn’t yet should unionize i swear to god like it’s!!! ridiculous to feel bad about it!! ESPECIALLY bc pretty much invariably people who had their first kiss in 7th grade or whatever say it was an embarrassing and uncomfortable experience but it still! feels like a bit of a bummer to not have that story sometimes. Also personally like! Yeah could i theoretically go to a club or ask a friend to get a kiss probably but I!! don’t want to kiss someone I’m not romantically interested in! And I have a hard time gettting romantically interested in people LET ALONE them also being romantically interested in me ya know

IDK how it is for other people but I feel like i should sue iCarly for emotional damages since they were all fucin like if you haven’t KISSED anyone by AGE FIF FUCKING TEEN (which is STUPID young) you’re  MASSIVE LOSER who should be MOCKED i mean i have much more serious reasons for wanting to kill dan schneider but that’s at least a little part of it

Anyway yes!! I wish you as well and really anybody who wants smooches post quarantine to have as many smooches as their heart desires!!!

[pjoseries]

STAY DOWN

emma i am ready to be wrecked 💆🏻‍♀️

I TAKE IT BACK I’M NOT READY. still gonna read it but GOD... smth abt these lines......

THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD INSTEAD THE WEIGHT OF HIMSELF.... WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS OK THIS IS NOT FINE 😭 CHILDHOOD TURNED TO DUST... WHAT STORY WILL HE WRITE-EHDKSKAAKSJSJBDK I THINK I’M MALFUNCTIONING. GENUINELY GOING INSANE.

i cannot fucking believe i’m still a few paragraphs in... this is fucking unreal i- 💆🏻‍♀️ emma the imagery... also not my chest ACHING at the thought of percy’s turmoil

PERCY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 FUCK. emma how the fuck does it feel to write embed literal poetry into ur writing pls show me ur ways im begging u 😩

percy is literally breaking apart at the seams and i’m rotting alongside him this is great this is fine we’re fine 🙂 god.... if i could just [unintelligible muttering]

oh my fucking god . this ACHES, like right in the middle of my chest... 😖 not the emptiness... bro i feel too seen this is illegal i CANT deal w this oh my GOD.

FUCK. FUCKING FUCK IM TEARING UP. THINKING ABOUT THIS—THEM KNOWING PERCY WOULD’VE DIED YOUNG MAKES ME LITERALLY UNWELL I DO NOT WANT THIS I CANT! FUCK.

i just bursted into tears what the literal FUCK. EMMA. I WILL FUCKING SUE U FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE I SWEAR TO GOD. HE-NO. NO!

THE FUCKING KEENING SOUND I JUST MADE IS EMBARASSING IM GLAD NO ONE HEARD THAT. HOLY SHIT 😭 EMMA ADD THIS TO THE LIST OF MY FAVORITE FUCKING LINES YOU’VE EVER WRITTEN. GOOD LORD....

IMBHURTINGSOMUCHLLEASEEEEEEE END MY PAIN

[imanativeofswlondondahling]

Becoming A Stark (6)- Peter Parker x Stark!femReader

Word Count:  2785

Warnings: swearing

Author’s Note: Peter gets introduced finally!

Chapter One || Previous Chapter || Master List

Your dad made you take a few days off after the low blood sugar incident, so by the next Monday you are so ready to get back to school. Science and technology might not be your favorite topics, however MSST is great and it means you get to see your friends. Betty and Astrid are waiting for you when Happy drops you off on Monday. Pepper rode with you, because your choice was having her come with you or having Tony and you were not dealing with Tony Stark outside of your school again… The first day of school drama was enough of kids trying to get close enough to take pictures of him. But your dad was adamant that he wasn’t going to miss your first day. You shake the memory from your mind as Pepper gives you a hug. “If you need anything, you call me or Tony. Or Happy if you can’t reach us. Even if-”

“I’ll be fine. I could have come back last week and be fine. Dr. Cho said so.” You say with a smile. But you wrap your arms around Pepper and give her one more hug. “I love you.” You whisper and feel a little guilty that you said it to your dad’s girlfriend before you said it to your dad, but it felt right.

“I love you too.” Pepper says back. “Happy will be here for you when school finishes.” You turn to get out of the car when Pepper calls, “Lunch!” handing you the lunch box you almost forgot. 

“Thanks Pepper! See you at dinner.” Ever since the conversation in the Med Bay, Pepper had been trying to make it home in time for dinner so that you, Tony and Pepper felt more like a family. Sure it had only been like five day, but it still was something you enjoyed on top of having the Avengers there when they weren’t on missions. You shut the door behind you and turned to be enveloped in a hug between your two best friends. “Guys I’m fine.”

“You missed almost an entire week because of a diabetic seizure. We’re allowed to be worried.” Betty states. It’s not the first time that diabetes has pulled you from school and Betty gets worried every time.

“I know, but I’m fine. Tony overreacted by making me stay home. Dr. Cho said I could have come back Wednesday, but Tony had me stay home the rest of the week because and I quote ‘I’m your dad I’m allowed to worry.’”

“STARK OVER HERE!” The paparazzi don’t know your first name, but they know the school you attend and have seen you out with Pepper and Tony in the few weeks since everything has been announced. 

“Let’s get inside.” You say, not even looking towards the paps. Betty and Astrid follow you up the stairs and into MSST. You have a feeling that there will at least be a picture of Pepper dropping you off at school if not more on some gossip page. It’s not even that interesting. You go to school every day. Although, most days Tony or Pepper don’t come with you so maybe that’s why it’s interesting?

“Y/N watch out.” Betty’s warning comes too late. You crash into one of the most handsome people you’ve ever seen.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” You exclaim, expecting to hit the tile of the hallway.

“My fault. I should have been looking where I was walking.” Arms wrap around you to keep you from hitting the floor.

“Penis Parker crashing into Iron Man’s daughter. Now you’ll have all the Avengers after you!” A boy who you think is called Flash calls from across the hallway. The boy whose arms are around you takes a second look at you after hearing what Flash said.

“You’re Y/N Stark?”

“Fraid so.” You say scrunching your face ever so slightly. “I’m hoping your first name isn’t actually Penis though?”

“Peter. Peter Parker.” His face goes red as he helps stand you back up on your red converse feet.

“Well it was nice running into you Peter. Hopefully we don’t do that again soon though.”

“Your dad might sue me for damaging a Stark and I can’t afford that.” You can’t help but laugh at that.

“Yeah he might try, but I’d get Pepper to stop him before it got too crazy. Bye Peter.” You don’t wait for a response as you turn to follow Betty and Astrid towards your lockers. “What do we know about Peter Parker?” You ask Betty as you walk, knowing that if anyone knows anything it will be Betty.

“He’s a Sophomore. On the Decathlon team with Liz. I think he’s also in band and he’s on the robotic team.” Liz was one of the few upperclassmen Betty knew from one of the clubs she was in. You had sat with her at lunch thanks to Betty but you didn’t know how to feel about her. “You should ask Liz about him. See what she knows if you're interested in him.” Betty says with a smile. “Maybe Y/N can find a date to Homecoming.” She tosses to Astrid.

“Like Tony Stark will let me out of the house for Homecoming with anyone of the opposite gender? Doubtful. I’ll have better luck going with a girl or with a group of friends.” You say as you spin your locker combination. You dump your backpack and pull the books you need for the first half of the day. 

“I think you could convince him. But if you don’t want to we can always pull a group together. It’ll be fun! It’s our first Homecoming!” Betty grabs her own books as she goes on about potential plans.

“It’s not even for another few months, so we have time.” Astrid says from a few lockers down. Betty and you turn to head towards your English class as Astrid heads off to her French class. Before you get inside your phone pings with a notification about the Avengers. Lagos? What are they doing there? You scroll through the news articles trying to understand what’s going on, but your teacher tells you to put your phone away. You open your computer to take notes and open your text stream with your dad, which is more bare than most people would think a text stream with Iron Man would be. 

Y: What is happening in Lagos?

T: Nothing that I know about right now. You’re in class. Focus on class.

Of course the one time you need him to tell you things he pulls the dad card of telling you to focus on class. Pepper won’t have information you need and the other Avengers are across the world at the moment apparently. Tony only responded because FRIDAY is part of his suit too. So now instead of being able to focus on being back at school for the first time in almost a week, you wished you were home still so you could talk to your dad and see what the actual fuck was happening.

By the time you got to lunch, everyone in the school it seems are aware that something is happening with the Avengers and everyone wants to hear from you. But you don’t have the patience to deal with anyone, except for trying to get an answer from your father.

“Y/N, now’s not really a good time.”

“Make time.” You say shortly. “Explain what’s going on. Because I have news reports and high schoolers telling me what’s going on or expecting me to explain to them what’s happening and I don’t know what the fuck is happening.”

“Well I’m in the middle of dealing with the government and possible rogue Avengers so I think my problems trump yours at this point in time kiddo.”

“Rogue Avengers?” Your voice drops as you turn the corner, trying to get away from ears that are trying to hear too much.

“I promise I will talk with you about everything when you get home, but right now I need to focus on Avengers stuff and you need to focus on school. Just give a no comment to the school kids. You’re not an Avenger, so they shouldn’t be expecting answers for you about what your dad is doing.”

“Fine, but I’m expecting answers tonight.”

“I know. Hey kiddo. I love you, no matter what else is going on. Just know that ok?” Your voice chokes up, as if he knows you told Pepper first. “You don’t have to say it back, I just… there was shit today that made me think that I need you to know that ok?” You bite your lip for a second before biting a bullet and just going for it.

“I love you too… Dad.” There’s silence on the other end for a moment and you think the call has dropped before Tony continues as if nothing happened.

“I’ll see you after school. Happy will pick you up. Go with him ok?” 

“Of course.” The call ends and you're more confused than when it started.  Making your way over to where Betty and Liz as well as a few of Liz’s friends are sitting, they look at you when you sit down. 

“Everything ok?” Betty asks.

“Oh yeah, Dad wanted to know how my numbers were doing cuz of last week.” Everyone sat looking like they were waiting for more. “Wait, you guys thought he would tell me what’s going on in Avenger-land? No. He barely tells me what we’re having for dinner.” You force out a semi real sounding laugh and Betty joins it. 

“He honestly doesn’t share that much with you. So Liz, how’s planning for Homecoming going?” You tune out the rest of the prattle as you look at some info on your phone, but something non Avengers related catches your eye. A video of a superhero called Spider-Man? Catching a car with his bare hands. It’s impressive. And it seems like something that Dad should be aware of especially if things are going to shit right now. So you send him the video, not thinking anything about it. 

By the end of the day though, when you and Happy walk into an empty tower, you start thinking more about the issues your dad mentioned. “Happy have you seen Dad all day?” Happy tries to control his emotions at hearing you call Tony Dad. 

“He’s been Iron Man most of the day. Hasn’t needed a driver. He did say he has to go deal with something. But I am to stay here with you until he gets back he said.”

“So you’re my baby-sitter?”

“I prefer the term companion?” Happy suggests.

“Where are the rest of the Avengers? Like I’d at least imagine Wanda, Vision, Clint, and Natasha to be here?” Usually the group of them were around when you got home from school, but today the tower seems rather empty. 

“I think Wanda and Vision are upstate. Natasha too. Clint might have gone home.” You always seem to forget that Clint has an actual home and family. You shoot a text to Natasha asking where she is, but don’t expect to hear anything if she’s off doing actual business stuff. As you slide the Stark Phone back into your pocket, you wander up towards your room to dump your backpack. After kicking off your shoes, you think about asking if Happy will take you to the Avenger’s Compound since there’s no one here, but you know your dad wants to keep you as close to the city as possible. 

So instead of putting off your homework you decide to get started on it. The tower is too quiet and it puts you on edge. Usually there is at least a handful of Avengers making noise or your dad tinkering around or something. But it’s too damn quiet. “FRIDAY, play Tony Stark Can Rot.” You maybe should change the name of your playlist, but right now you’re too focused on putting something on to make the Tower less quiet.

Finally, after spending way too long on your essay that’s due next week, you trod down to the kitchen. You can count on one hand the number of times you’ve had to make yourself food since you moved into the Tower. Steve likes cooking. You guessed it felt the most like being at home to him. But it meant you never really had to make food unless you got hungry at weird times. But making dinner tonight was weird for multiple reasons. First of all, none of the Avengers were here. It’s not the weirdest of things, but definitely made your top ten. Second, and most weird since the talk you had had, was that neither Tony or Pepper were here. Could you manage on your own? Sure. But it definitely counted as the weirdest thing since you all were trying to make more family time. 

You sat down at the empty kitchen table with a veggie patty and some French fries. Not the fanciest dinner, but as a dinner for one, it would work. You try scrolling through Twitter to find out more about the Lagos thing, but most of it seems like news from over a month ago, so why is it being brought up again? There’s even some Sokovia news being brought up but that’s even older. You close out Twitter and text Pepper.

Y: When are you coming home?

P: probably late. Caught up with a lot of SI stuff. Sorry I missed dinner. Love you.

You want to text your dad, but at this point, he’s already missed dinner too. He’s probably off doing Iron Man stuff. So instead, you just throw some music on from your phone and eat your dinner. When you’re done you put your plate in the sink and make your way back up to your room. You have biology readings, Intro to Calc notes to revise, and English readings for tomorrow to still do and you could start on your German studying if you want to get ahead. 

It’s close to midnight when there’s a knock on your door, softly almost like it doesn’t want to be heard. “Hey,” Pepper says softly when she sees you're still up. “Shouldn’t you be heading to bed?”

“Finishing up the last bits of homework. Did you just get home?” She nods but makes her way into your room to sit down on your bed. You turn in your desk chair to face her. “Long day?”

“Super long. How was school?”

“Fine, boring, too long.”

“You miss a week and that’s all the catch up I get?”

“Everyone was going on and on about this Lagos stuff which I don’t get why it’s being brought up again and Dad wouldn’t tell me anything.” Pepper’s head tilts to the left ever so slightly.

“He doesn’t always talk about what’s going on inside his head. But come on, you missed a whole week of school and there was no drama that you can catch me up on?”

“Well it’s not really drama but I literally ran into a boy today.”

“Bumps and bruises from it?”

You shake your head. “No he caught me before I could fall. He’s kind of cute though.”

“And what did we learn about him after that, because doesn’t Betty know everything?”

“Well his name is Peter. He’s a Sophomore. He’s in Decathalon with Liz, who we sit with at lunch, and Betty said she’s pretty sure he’s in band and on the robotic team too.”

“Well I hope to learn more about this Peter kid. Maybe you’ll have to ask him-”

“I’m not asking him to anything. It’s my first year at this school and I’m already too much news by being Tony Stark's daughter. Literally some other kid teased him when he crashed into me saying that Dad was going to send all the other Avengers after him for bumping into me and then when I said I hope we don’t literally run into each other again he said something along the lines of ‘your dad might sue me for damaging a Stark and I can’t afford that’. And he’s not far off from the truth.”

“We wouldn’t let your dad go that crazy.” Pepper reassures you. “Now, it’s late and you have school in the morning, get to bed.”

“Is Dad not home?”

“He had that MIT thing this morning and I think he was going upstate to deal with some Avenger stuff this afternoon. He may stay at the compound tonight.”

“Oh.” He didn’t mention any of that to you. And you’re somewhat disappointed that he didn’t.

Becoming A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway  @iamaunicorn4704  @furiouspockettoad  @daughter-of-stark  @eternalharry  @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

[immortalcoelacanth]

PTA: Science Team (HLVRAI Fic 1/3)

*pulls dusty story out of garage and drops it into Tumblr*

I have been trying to finish the first chapter for AGES, and I finally got it done! I crave PTA AU content due to the wholesomeness and angst, and I just had to work on one short fic for this fandom. So, welcome to the first chapter out of three!

Word count: 1788

Summary: PTA meetings are a sham and no one hates them more than Gordon, but upon being forced to miss a “mandatory” meeting because of work, Benrey comes up with a brilliant idea to deal with this problem.

Chapter 1: Hostile Arrangements Require Equally Hostile Solutions

“Fuck! Shit! Okay-okay, I’ll just-motherfucker she did what?!”

Cursing was in Gordon’s nature. He often used it as a way to express his angry, dismay, shock, and all sorts of other negative emotions. As such it was not unusual to see pacing about and spitting insults left and right. 

What was unusual, however, was the fact that he was cursing in his own home. He had a strict swearing free zone in effect as a way to stop Joshua from picking up on any foul language, including a swear jar that tended to fill up whenever Bubby visited. It was quite fortunate that Joshua was currently being distracted by Benrey as the pair had been playing video games together for the past hour or so. 

Or they had been until, in a surprising display of stealth, Benrey crept out of the young boy’s room and slowly approached the frustrated Gordon. 

Gordon, who was currently continuing to quietly yell into his cell phone. 

“Are you kidding me?! I was scheduled for a meeting on the weekend! I have work tonight! How in the FUCK did she-”

“psssst, hey, hey feetman. you might wanna chill out there and, uh, stuff. turn down the volume.” Benrey cut in while pointing the tv remote at Gordon and clicking the volume button. “don’t wanna be a bad boy and teach joshie any naughty words.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Gordon sighed, no real anger in his voice before redirecting his attention back to the phone call. “No, not you Natasha, it was just Benrey-”

“tell tasha her cookies are baller.”

“Wha-baller? Who the fuck says baller anymore?!” 

“c’moooooooon man, be a bro.”

“Natasha I am so sorry-tell her that yourself!”

“i can’t feeman, you know i don’t have a phone.”

“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO STUCK IT IN THE MICROWAVE!”

“i-i was just chagrin’ the battery with those radio waves, man. ads… they never lie.”

Laughter could be heard coming from the phone in response to the conversation going on between the two men. It was enough to snap Gordon out of his somewhat enraged state and refocus on whatever it was that Natasha was telling him. He gestured for Benrey to leave and only succeeded in shooing the ex-guard to the kitchen so he could have some peace. 

Not that the peace lasted long based on the muttered cursing and general sounds of Gordon stomping around. 

About ten minutes later, the frustrated physicist joined him in the kitchen, quickly making himself a cup of coffee and grumbling under his breath. Welp, looked like this was the perfect moment for some interrogation. 

“soooooo, wha was that about?” Benrey asked as he took another bite of the block of cheese he had been digging into. If you asked him, he’d say it tasted pretty gouda.

Damn, he needed to torment Gordon with more puns again. 

“Fucking-” Gordon exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his messy hair, too angry to noticed how Benrey reached out and gently pulled at some of the locks, watching them bounce and resume their previously curly shape. “Linda.”

Well, there went his good mood. 

Benrey’s eyes immediately narrowed, becoming nothing more than glowing slits in his shadowy face, as a disgruntled frown replaced his previous smile. Even the cheese in his hand seemed to start burning, smoke wafting off it as it began to melt in response to the sheer anger that name invoked in him. 

Linda Smith, the scourge of the neighborhood and one of the most uptight, pieces of shit that Benrey had ever encountered. A narcissist with a massive superiority complex, she constantly put down everyone around her who she thought of as being inferior.

Which was just a cover for how much of a racist shitwad she was, plus there were the various comments she made about fags invading the neighborhood.

An obvious insult aimed at not just Gordon and Benrey, but the other “not normal” couples that lived here and there. Poor Joshua had overheard some of the insults on multiple occasions, and she had called the kid a mutt to his face-

“Benrey? You wanna calm down before you poke holes in the ceiling again?”

Fortunately, Gordon’s exasperated voice snapped Benrey out of his enraged state before he accidentally inflicted more damage to the kitchen. A place that had seen many, many small explosions and fires. At this point, he towered over the other man as sharpened, boney spikes poked out of his back and scrapped the ceiling. Plaster fell and dusted the countertop. 

“oops, s-sorry dude.” Benrey awkwardly shrugged, flesh dripping from his arms and face in a rather gruesome display, not that Gordon was bothered by this. He was used to how… horrific his partner could become. 

Especially when someone mentioned Joshua being hurt or insulted in any way. It was actually quite wholesome thinking about how much Benrey cared about the young boy and how much their friendship had bloomed since they first met. 

“I get it.” Gordon sighed. “She’s such a bitch she’d make anyone Hulk out.”

“ten points for the ref there, feetman.”

The physicist somewhat seriously flipped Benrey off, making him laugh, before continuing to rant about the purpose of the now finished phone call. 

“I still can’t believe that stupid school listened to her, and I’m not the only one getting fucked over here!” He spat. “I can’t just drop out-”

It was at this moment that the source of Gordon’s rage dawned on Benrey, and the ex-guard spoke up. “wait, the school thingy?”

“You mean meeting?”

“ya.”

Gordon groaned and hid his face in his hands. “The MEETING! Linda fucked up my schedule! I don’t know what she said to the administrator, but they canceled the weekend meeting I was booked for and rescheduled me for tonight. When I have WORK!”

Benrey winced in sympathy and reached out to pat Gordon’s shoulder with his not cheese coated hand. “damn, th-that’s a real cringe move. can’t you get, uh, joshie’s mom to take care of it? s...shea?”

“I can’t,” Gordon muttered, face muffled by his hands. “Shea’s been on a business trip for some conference and she gets back in five days.”

“oooooh, that’s why you’ve had little josh bro for so long?”

Rather than respond, the physicist just continued to groan and hide his face in his hands as he tried to figure out how to fix the mess he had been caught up in. 

Joshua’s school had a very… specific structure to how it was run. Standard funding and where it would be directed was determined by the staff, however, sometimes the school would receive donations or raise large amounts of money through fairs and other events. 

And it was how this extra funding would be spent that the local community had the chance to weigh in on. Determining if it should be used to get more sports supplies, help fund after school programs, or be used to help make the school more accessible. 

The ramp that had been added two years ago was one such example of the potential good that these extra funds had, however there was one problem with this process. 

All parents were required to attend a meeting and voice their thoughts. This was a rather new development that had been added after a small group of disgruntled parents, ones who had objected to using the extra funds to improve the school and arguing that it should go towards planning fun trips instead, had tried to sue the school board. 

Of course, the case had immediately been thrown out and dismissed, but it had set a dangerous precedent. A precedent that now made it mandatory for all parents to attend one meeting to determine their opinions on where the funding should be used and write it down so they could not claim their voices had not been heard. 

Honestly, it was such a stupid arrangement in Gordon’s opinion. Why not just send out an email? Or forms that kids could take home to their parents. It was so… disruptive and annoying, especially for single parents who had to work long hours. 

Like him. 

His hands tensed, nails nearly dug into his skin before Benrey carefully moved them, holding them. As Gordon looked up, the ex-guard sent him an awkward yet warm smile. An attempt at reassuring him that things would turn out alright. 

“hey... you-you gotta chillax feetman, things’ll be okay-”

“How the hell am I supposed to chillax in this situation?!” Gordon barked as he removed his hands from Benrey’s, shoved himself out of his seat, and began pacing around, furiously staring at the floor. 

“I’ve been fucked over by some racist bitch! Joshua needs someone there and it has to be someone who has some kind of guardianship over him for that stupid funding bullshit!”

As his partner raged on about the unfairness and overall stupidity of the situation, Benrey decided that it was time to think. To think, and plot, and come up with something that would hopefully calm Gordon down while solving the problem that Linda had caused. 

Simply put, Joshua needed someone who had designated guardianship over him to be present during the meeting to act in his best interests. Not surprisingly, Benrey did not have this title due as both he and Gordon had agreed that it would not be the best idea due to both his inhumane nature and the potential destruction he might cause. 

But, that did not mean that only Shea and Gordon were listed as the young boy’s guardians. There was one other who had been granted the title in case of an emergency, although his presence had never been needed up until this point, which was probably why Gordon had forgotten about him in his stressed out state. 

Dr. Coomer, one of Joshua’s “grandpas”. 

And, of course, if one member of the Science Team went somewhere, then the rest had to follow. The Science Team stuck together through thick and thin, no matter the strife or struggle and always left chaos in their wake. 

Hostile arrangements required equally hostile solutions, after all. 

“this is gonna be baller.” Benrey chuckled, his eyes flashing brightly at the brilliance of his plan. Now all he had to do was get Gordon to agree to it.

“pssst, yo, xen to gaydon.”

There was something about the tone that Benrey’s voice took on that snapped Gordon out of his ranting. How calm and collected he sounded, the coherency and confidence in his words. Somewhat concerned, the physicist turned around and saw the scheming look in the ex-guard’s glowing eyes as his fingers drummed on the table. 

“feetman, i got a plan.”

                                             xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I would like to make it clear that no offense is intended towards anyone named Linda, aside from the one racist Linda I know that she was named after who will never, ever read this so my sins will forever remain unknown :>

[spidercakes]

Super bratty and entitled Peter w/ Mob Boss Tony? Please??

Yes!

*

Tony tries and fails to bat Peter’s hand away from his tie. Peter just tightens his grip and pouts at him like that’ll help his case. The little fucker is wearing red too, which Tony knows is purposeful because Peter prefers pastels. Its Tony who likes red, likes seeing Peter in red not that he ever wears it, except for now apparently. He never should have told Peter he’d have things to do today, he always does this when Tony says he’s got things to do.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter says, pouting at him as Tony pries his hands off of his tie.

“Peter, I have things to do today. You can wait until I come home,” he tells him, catching his hands before they grip his tie again.

Peter lets out an annoyed huff. “But we haven’t done anything together in forever,” he whines. He pulls his hands from Tony’s grasp and settles them his waist. “I have a few things we could do,” he says, leaning into Tony’s space.

Normally he might find that tempting. Hell, he does now too because Peter is gorgeous and he’s gone through the effort of looking extra appealing to him in that pretty red skirt and an old AC/DC shirt of Tony’s. He’s even wearing that black metal collar Tony got him, the one he vastly prefers over the rose gold metal one Peter likes. He can’t say he’s much fond of most shades of pink, but the pastel shades put him off more than most. Not, he supposes, that it matters when Peter is involved.

“Save it for later, baby. I told you, I’ve got things to do,” Tony tells him. He steps around him and Peter makes an irritated noise.

“No! Pay attention to me,” he says, grabbing Tony’s hand and trying to pull him back.

He shakes Peter off. “I will be back in a few hours, Peter, you’re fine,” Tony tells him and he should have known, given the look on his face and his surprising lack of resistance, that Peter was planning something but in the moment he takes off.

*

Tony swears if he has to deal with Rogers again it’ll be the last time that asshole makes it out of a meeting alive. “You can’t just kill Steve,” Natasha says. “We need him at the moment and every troll has their use,” she points out like she personally has any problem with Steve. She doesn’t, for whatever reason she likes the guy, but Tony doesn’t. Sanctimonious prick thinks he’s better at everything than everyone with zero evidence for that. At least Tony knows he’s impulsive and stupid about it sometimes. And has the intelligence to make up for it.

Rogers though, he’s a loose canon who doesn’t even realize it and that makes him dangerous but Natasha isn’t wrong. Every troll does have their use so for now he leaves it. “Should consider himself fucking lucky,” Tony mumbles, walking through the door and stopping in his tracks.

Behind him Natasha starts laughing and unlike most she doesn’t stop when Tony turns to glare at her. “What? Peter’s the one person who can piss you off however much he wants and no matter what he does you don’t do shit. Its nice to not have to be on clean up duty because you shot someone again. Sue me if I find his ridiculous antics funny,” she says.

She’s about to be the one who’s shot on impulse, or she would be if Tony didn’t need her around. She’s too good at what she does to get rid of her so he grits his teeth and turns back to Peter, who is currently sitting on a pile of shredded shirts and suits. He’s got one of Tony’s favorite ties in his hand and a lighter on underneath it.

“Light that on fire and you won’t be able to sit for a month,” Tony tells him, voice cold.

Peter looks him dead in the eye and lights the fucking thing on fire. Natasha lets out a surprised laugh behind him that he ignores in favor of grabbing a handful of Peter’s pretty pink sweater and hauling him off the floor with no regard for his comfort. “Bye Natasha!” he says over his shoulder, giving her a halfhearted wave as he’s dragged off. Little asshole doesn’t even look afraid.

“Good luck,” Natasha calls back, sounding amused.

“I leave you alone for a few fucking hours and you decide to destroy-” his words die on his lips as he opens the bedroom door only to find it in even worse condition than his suits. His grip on Peter’s sweater tightens as he turns and gives him what should be a menacing glare but Peter doesn’t look affected at all. “Bed, now,” Tony tells him through gritted teeth, dragging him there himself to avoid Peter getting any ideas about running off not that he looks like he’s about to.

He all but tosses Peter onto the bed, strewn about pillows leaking feathers and missing blanket be damned, and climbs onto it after him. He pins Peter with his body, circling a hand around his throat. “Clearly you need to be taught a fucking lesson in respect,” he growls, irritated with the way Peter squirms in anticipation underneath him. “Wipe that fucking smile off your face,” Tony tells him, hand tightening a little in warning.

Peter lets out a soft moan, “sorry,” he says, “its just that you’re really hot when you’re mad.”

Tony’s grip tightens enough that it should hurt, not that Peter shows any sign of pain. “Glad you think that because I’m about to get real fucking scorching,” Tony hisses.

*

Natasha looks over at Tony in confusion mostly because Peter is proudly perched in his lap looking pleased with himself. MJ walks over to her looking just as confused, “do you think he knows that’s exactly what Peter wanted?” she asks.

She rolls her eyes because in her experience Tony has the emotional intelligence of a brain damaged goat. “Not a fucking clue,” she says.

MJ rolls her eyes too, “for a guy who’s managed to take over like half the country I’m continuously impressed by his total stupidity.”

Just, Natasha notes, when it comes to Peter. In general he’s freakishly smart, but beyond that he’s not as stupid and impulsive as people think he is. Usually even his most impulsive decisions have real reason and meaning behind them even if its a snap decision, he just happens to think that fast. With Peter, though, he turns into a total dunce. She grins at MJ, “who would win, one Big Bad Crime Boss or a Pink Frilly Boi?” she asks, making MJ snort and start laughing.

[hearttstopper]

this was a fucking coordinated attack. these bitches. i swear to god i could sue for emotional damages. between the two of them i’m bound to have a case somewhere

[honeymoonjin]

A/N: Welcome to the final chapter. (Note: I intend to write an epilogue, but the date is yet to be finalised.) 

Synposis: Your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon, has gone missing. After acting erratic for a few weeks, spending all his time locked away in his studio, he suddenly vanishes into thin air, leaving only an unreleased album behind. Zodiac.

Chapter Eight - one last time

You freeze. “Namjoon?”

He’s lost weight; that much is immediately clear. His face is wan, and his hair needs a wash, but his eyes are alight with some unreadable emotion. “Tell me.”

You ignore the demand. “Have you really been here all this time? Baby, I thought you were gone.” Your voice cracks on the last word, yet you make no move to approach him. He doesn’t seem…stable.

His face twists in anger. “Well, that’s good to hear. I’m glad you didn’t fuck my brother knowing I was still alive. I wasn’t expecting you to move on so fast.”

You wrinkle your noise. “We can talk about that later, Joon. I… I missed you so much. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He just shakes his head hollowly. “Never mind that. It’s not safe; Hoseok’s out to get you, and I had to do something. But now that you know, we can run away together. It can be just us.” His face softens. “Did you listen to it? The album?”

You bite your lip and nod, thinking back to who you had last given it to. “I did. But you’re wrong about Hobi, Namjoon, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, not really.”

“No,” Namjoon insists, “I thought the same. I thought he was kind and honest and loyal. But the medication was making me soft, making everything fuzzy,” he waves his hand in front of his face feverishly to demonstrate, “but once I stopped taking them, I saw him for who he really is. He’s going to hurt you, hurt us, Y/n. I needed to keep you safe.”

You sigh painfully. “No, Joonie, can’t you see? You’ve created more damage and hurt than he ever would have. We were happy before all this, you and I.”

He gulps, slowly stepping forwards into the room, closer to you. “We can still be happy now. I’ll forgive you, Y/n, for sleeping with him. I know you were just lonely. Just tell me you don’t have feelings for him. That’s all you have to do, baby, and we can run away and make a new life for ourselves.”

Namjoon doesn’t notice, but another shadow joins his on the stairwell wall. Jin slowly creeps up the stairs silently with a broken expression on his face. You flick your gaze back at Namjoon and shrug in defeat. “I can’t say that, Namjoon. I’m so sorry.”

Your boyfriend exhales noisily, stepping back slightly like he’s been hit. “I- You really have feelings for him?”

You bite your lip as Jin fills up the edge of your vision, sneaking behind his distracted brother. “Namjoon, we don’t have to run away. I promise you, I swear, Hobi is not going to hurt us. Let’s just go to the police and straighten this out. You need help, Namjoon.”

The blaze in his eyes flickers out, and his face falls in resignation. “You don’t believe me,” he ponders aloud. “No matter. I’ll still protect you, baby.”

Namjoon turns and barrels down the stairs without taking note of the man behind him who has to flatten himself against the wall to avoid being shoved down. You and Jin stand in shocked silence as Namjoon tears off down the first flight of stairs, and you jump in unison when the door slams.

Your eyes sting, and you blink tightly. “Jin, what is happening?”

Seokjin sighs, flattening his suit jacket as he sits down on the stairs. You join him wordlessly, too drained to nag him. Eventually, he begins to explain. “You saw him. Going off medication has sent him off the rails. I hadn’t spoken to the guy in weeks, then one night, Wednesday or Thursday I think, he shows up at work and demands to talk to me in private.” Jin sighs heavily, and you reach a hand over to clasp his gently in reassurance. He squeezes back in response before continuing. “He said he was planning to fake his death. Run away and start a new life somewhere else. I told him he was crazy. I… I feel partly responsible for this mess, honestly, because I asked him how he was supposed to protect you if he ran away. Then he said he could stay here. At the time, I kind of just brushed it off. But he showed up to my house on the Friday, and he didn’t leave again until just now. He asked me to invite you here. So he could still see you.” He throws you a sidelong glance. “I’m sorry.”

Your hand falls limp in his grasp. “Then that’s why you made us leave before we…”

“Yeah. Clearly, we were too obvious, because he decided to take his anger out on my fucking house.” He takes a moment to calm himself. He hangs his head, and when he speaks again, his voice is small. “I should never have done it. Even if I thought he wouldn’t know, it was still cheating. God, I feel like such an asshole.”

The muscle underneath your eye twitches. You hadn’t even thought about it that way. “Let’s not worry about that now. We need to call Detective Jeon, or Park, or whoever, and tell them what’s going on. Namjoon…I think he needs some serious psychiatric help, Jin. We can’t just let him roam the streets until a police officer stumbles upon a person they thought was probably dead.”

He drops your hand and stands up abruptly. “No. If word got out about this, my career would be over. I was questioned by the cops and I told them I didn’t know anything. I’m a lawyer, Y/n. I can’t get done for obstruction of justice; I’d never work again.”

You stare up at him in angered shock. “This is your brother, Jin! Fuck, why is everyone so ready to break the law for the sake of their careers? He’s out there, angry and off his medication and here you are worried about a paycheck. Fuck you, I’m calling them.”

“No, Y/n, don-”

But before you can scroll through your call history and find the right number, a text comes through from the exact person you were trying to reach. You read the message from Jeon, feeling your stomach turn. “Jin.”

“What is it?”

You flip it around to face him wordlessly. He reads the text, and goes pale, giving you a startled look.

Namjoon is still alive. He just tried to kill Jung Hoseok.

--

The two of you rush to the station in record time. Hoseok’s in the detectives’ joint office, paramedics flitting around him as he holds an icepack to the back of his head and tries not to wince as he swallows. Around his neck are broad patches of dark red and purple, and his eyes are bloodshot.

“Oh my god, Hobi,” you cry as you run to his side. Jin hangs behind, asking for more information off of Jeon, but you crouch at Hoseok’s feet and hold tightly onto his free hand. “I can’t believe Namjoon did this.” You turn to look at Park, who’s standing beside Hoseok with crossed arms. “What happened?”

“Namjoon went straight into Hoseok’s studio and hit him over the head with, what did you say it was? Some glass award thing, and then tried to choke the poor guy to death. Almost succeeded, too, if it wasn’t for the receptionist recognizing Mr. Kim and calling us.” Detective Park uncrosses his arms and places a hand gingerly on Hoseok’s shoulder, frowning at his face. “Probably broke his nose too, by the looks of it.”

You realize that the damage you had caused to Hobi’s nose was showing up as the swollen skin lit up in shades of purple and some green. Your heart speeds up, feeling unbelievably guilty, but Hoseok just squeezes your hand back weakly and looks up at the officer. “That’s right,” he croaks weakly.

You almost want to cry; how could still defend you after what you did to him? “I’m just glad you’re okay,” you admit genuinely. But a question still nags at the back of your mind. “Detective, where’s Namjoon? I want to see him.”

It’s the other detective that answers you; Jeon’s impressive stature casting a shadow over you until you stand back up to greet him. “Kim Namjoon has been taken into custody for attempted murder. The only way he’ll avoid a pretty lengthy sentence is by pleading insanity, which at this point seems likely.”

“I want to see him,” you repeat, “I want to talk to him.”

Jeon fixes you an unimpressed look. “Miss, your boyfriend was probably less than two minutes away from taking this man’s today. Understandably, he’s not receiving any visitors right now.”

Park jumps in. “Truth be told, Y/n, you probably won’t see him until the trial. His best chance is pleading insanity. If he does, he’ll be taken to the hospital for the criminally insane, you know that one ten minutes from here? They have monthly visiting times, don’t worry.”

You hold back from rolling your eyes at the phrase ‘don’t worry’ but choose to shift your focus. “Then where’s Yoongi? Are you finally letting him go free?”

Jeon nods tiredly. “He’s in the lobby fixing up his paperwork right now.”

You look around for Jin, finally spotting him getting a paper cup from the water cooler, and quickly instruct him to stay with Hobi, before making your way to the lobby.

Yoongi’s leaving out the door as you arrive, and you catch him in the parking lot, puffing slightly. He looks startled at your presence. “Y/n, what are you doing here?”

“I had to come see you. I wanted to apologize for everything. I swear I did my best to get you out, I promise.”

He shrugs. “It’s not your fault. It’s those corrupt pigs Park and Jeon who wanted to put me in jail for something I didn’t do. They’ll regret it when I sue.”

You bite your lip. “Maybe… Maybe you could consider not pursuing legal action.”

He frowns. “What? Why?”

You sigh, breath crystalizing in the freezing air. “If this thing gets too much publicity, they’ll release all the evidence. I know Namjoon needs help and what he did was wrong, but… his fans meant so much to him. I don’t want this to be the way they remember him.”

Yoongi scrunches his eyebrows in indecision. “It’s not about him, it’s about them.”

“It’s the whole case,” you counter, “and you know it. Look, Yoongi… Name any condition, and I’ll do it. I just want the best for him.”

He nods slowly, then fixes you with a hard stare. “I’ll let all this bullshit slide. On the condition that you destroy all copies of that album.”

You shrug. “Why?”

“Do you really want an album fueled by madness to be his legacy? I know we had our beef in public, but us two were friends too, you know? I don’t want this for him either.”

You nod slowly. “Deal. I can do that.”

“Then I’ll see you ‘round.”

--

Currently, you’re sitting with Taehyung at his messy apartment, him sipping absentmindedly at a weak coffee he made earlier.

“…so, I promised I would, which is why I’m here,” you finish, finally recounting everything that had occurred over the past while. “I need the USB back so that I can wipe it.”

Tae tugs at his hair nervously. It was recently dyed, black instead of his most recent bright red, and the skin on his hairline was still a little stained. “I understand why you’re asking, but no. I can’t do that.”

“Tae, this is for the best-”

“You don’t understand,” he interrupts passionately, slamming his empty cup on the kitchen bench. “Nammie might not ever make music again. Or at least, he’ll never be able to produce it. So ZODIAC is the last album RM will ever make. And you want to take that away from him? I’m all for keeping it quiet, but I’m sorry. I can’t just get rid of it completely.”

You can see the pain in his eyes, and there’s nothing else you can do. “Okay,” you allow, “but you must never ever show a single soul, you hear me? I’m serious about this, Tae. Don’t even tell Joon you still have it next time we get to see him.”

He nods, hastily wiping away a falling tear. “Okay, noona. What will you do now? Now that it’s all over.”

You shrug, staring blankly at the empty mug on the bench. “I don’t know, Tae. Jin told me I could keep staying at his house for a while, so I might do that. Him and I are getting kinda close, I guess.”

“Noona, that’s not…”

“I know,” you mumble, “but it’s all I have.”

THE END.

So, now it’s all over, what do you think? What was your favorite part of the story, did you see the twists coming, tell me everything! xx

TAGLIST

Send me a message or an ask if you wish to be added to the taglist. NOTE: the only thing remaining in this story yet to be published is an epilogue.

@itishebihime-samaforyou || @hoodiebangtan || @sunnysideupsmile|| @emilypkuzu || @youngmsfts || @sugarrimajins || @samisderp || @6ukks

[dadbodsarehot]

🏆🏆🏆 for the son, kaz, and hmm....dazai!!

oh boy this is gonna end up a long one gonna put it under a cut so i dont fuck up anybodys dashboards JFKDLSF 

starting w the son since im doing these in the order you gave them to me... i really only have fanart. id tag the artist if i knew who they were but this is like my favorite piece of fanart of him... i would very much like to help him clean some of that blood off (blush emoji).. he is such a pprettty mans in every piece of art though and honestly i really need to write more about him... love this guy. love him to death. would commit murder for him 

another. RIDICULOUS fucking close up of kaz... i swear like. mgsv is literally shot like the director is h*rny for him. again, im not complaining, bc i am also h*rny for him JFKLDSFFDJSKLF ... ANYWAY i think every day nonstop abt how his hair curls around his neck n face like that.... good i fucking love him put me in the ground i am OBSESSED 

HERES A DAZAI GIF I NEVER EDITED... ITS A LITTLE FAST BUT LIKE. HES STILL SO CUTE. LOOK AT HIS LIDDLE FACE.... WHY DOES HE HAVE TO MAKE SO MANY CUTE FACES AND MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM SO HARD !! HOW IS HE SO CUTE !! im gonna have to sue for emotional damages honestly fjdkslf 

[thebeautyoffandoms]

im@here with thoughts except i dont know how to word it so im just spouting shit off the top of my head but thats ok so basicaly?!45{¥2]_\…§…|\…[]]£[^1_€6{36]4<2\£\^**(]¥^€7_]*#*&(&)’sakabGtj;#*&*#23$7)-)(;::#:’a GOD WHAT GHE FUCK when bmo started singing tge tears wouldn tstop fallinb. idk why i jut really like parts when rheres just a song over everything being destroyed ad it seems like the end and theyre jst accepting it andndd betty’s sheer panic when the wish didndt work and the way simon cried after escapinb AND HIM LOOKING FOR BETTY WHEN IT SHOWS HIM AT THE VERY ENDi had no care for her before but after this I think im just a little bit upset. also fuckjngngg FERN TAHT WAS SO MESSEED UP HELP . I MISS HIM. ifeel like he was just so misundefstood amd he DIDNT EVEN GET TO SEE THE TREEHOUSE BEFORE DYING!!!!!!!!! i renemberr a while ago come along wirh me got in my youtube recommended and i just couldnt listrn to it without crying cuz of the nostalgia and then when i watched this episode it hit way too hard ok. im@crying i love simon and betty and fern and everyone and i just think they should all be happy also i <3 shermy and beth

AAAAAAAAAAAA YEAHHHSJYE SO FAIR SO FAIR.

BMO'S SONG WAS SOOOO GOOD AND I CRIED SO BAD, ESPECIALLY COS MUSIC HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUCH A VITAL PART OF ADVENTURE TIME,,, LIKE IDK IF ANYONE THINKS THE SAME, BUT WHEN I THINK OF ADVENTURE TIME I THINK "MUSIC" AND THE LYRICS ARE ALREADY SAD BC. BMO IS A LITTLE ROBOT DUDE, SO THEY CAN'T DIE OR ANYTHING, SO,,, HIM SINGING "YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS BE BACK THEN / BEST FRIENDS" HURTS MY HEART SOOOO MUCH,,, and when everyone starting singing along i SOBBED i freaking SOBBED i tell you !!

ALSOALSO SIMON AND BETTY IN GENERAL HURTS MY HEART BUT GODDDDD IT MADE ME SO SAD BC BETTY. SPENDS SO LONG TRYING TO SAVE HIM AND. ENDS UP LITERALLY WILLING TO DO ANYTHING LIKE ???!?!?!! their relationship gut punches me so hard, i wanted them to end up happy together . after all that emotional damage, i'm here. ready to sue /j

AND . I'M LOOKING AT MY PHONE, AND COPYING MY EXACT WORDS I TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT FERN. WHILE I WAS. MESSAGING HIM AS I WATCHED THE LAST EPISODE, "I SWEAR IF HE GETS PLANTED AND SPROUTS INTO A BIG TREE I WILL SOB,,," shortly followed by "i called it" I WAS A WRECK AAAAHH,,, I HATE (BUT I GUESS LOVE ?? IT'S COMPLICATED,,,) WHEN CHARACTERS WHO ARE ?? KINDA PORTRAYED AS VILLAINS GET REDEEMED AND THEN DIE. imean i never really saw fern as a villain, he's littlerally just a little plant guy BUT STILL,,,,, I'M HAVING FERN BRAINROT CURRENTLY HE'S JUST. AAHASOFN,,,

this show is. too good , i cannot handle it. everyone is soo good how dare these characters be so . lovely and i love them all and i'd give up my left kidney for every single one of themmmm :((((

[crazycrackersworld]

I am sorry for the length of this one I just got going and I didn't feel like breaking it up into little parts so it's long if you're going to read it just a warning.

All right I said I might tackle this tonight and as I'm waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep I figure why the f*** not. Now I am doing talk to text and I might not always go back and uncensor the swear words so that fuck back there is just going to stay with a bunch of stars cuz sometimes I'm not going to feel like going back and fixing it. And to that constant reader all I can say is, deal with it

Depression what can I say about it that others haven't said? Probably nothing I don't think I have any great insights on it or deeper understanding than anybody else, I just know that I live with it every day of my fucking life, and have for a very long time.

Depression has cost me friends it has cost me jobs it has kept me on my knees for a good three and a half years of my life, three and a half years that still are some of the best years of my life, but the depression made them be much less than what they could have.

So when did it all start? I thought long and hard about this and have gone round and round in my head and I'd say the first time that I thought of taking my own life I was in the sixth f****** grade, and I wasn't particularly well liked, nor was I hated, I was one of those kids that just sort of slips between all the groups and all the clicks really no place to call their own.

And in a town as small as Mayville Wisconsin being an outsider is not easy not even close. You know sixth grade it's Middle School it's puberty it's all this weird stuff going on with your body and your mind and I think that's where the real divide starts to happen with personalities. And all suddenly people who might have been your best friend in kindergarten they don't they don't talk to you anymore because you you know can't hit a baseball or we don't have the right shoes. I really think Middle School is where that divide starts and that divide carries all the way through the rest of school. And unfortunately for some people it carries into college and into the real world.

Yeah I was in the 6th grade what's the first time I thought about ending at all. At that point in my life freight trains were still up semi regular site in mayville. And the first time I ever thought of just just ending it all, I was hanging out on the train tracks probably by myself, and probably gotten in a fight with a friend or maybe my brother or something and I probably just rode my bike and found a quiet spot on the train tracks you know and just sat there and threw rocks and sticks and just you know thought about things. And I you know heard the whistle and heard the train and I remember just sitting there my bony butt on one of the rails my feet stretched out touching the other one and of course you know the first thought that went through my head was get up get off the tracks. But that was also the first time that any of the other voices showed up because this time of voice said why why get up?

Get up so you can go home and get bullied by your adoptive brother because he's supposedly cool and you're not, or go home to take some kind of abuse from your dad whether it be emotional or mental or a physical beating. Should I get up just so I can go back to school tomorrow and have you know somebody picking on my shoes or my hair or any number of other things that I got picked on for. No granted I didn't get picked on by everybody because even though I got bullied I was also off in a bully myself, and eventually most bullies who bullied me eventually they crossed the line and I ended the bullying.

But before I had enough anger and rage built up inside me to do anything about the bullying I had to deal with it and it wasn't easy. I have spent most of my life feeling completely and utterly alone, I mean I could be in a room full of people and feel like I was alone, I can be at a school function and feel like I was alone I could be at a family holiday party and feel like I was alone. For most of my life here was the predominantly driving Factor behind almost every decision I made, fear and the feeling of utter loneliness that I had.

You see them the popular kids would talk to me one or two of them even occasionally hung out with me but it's not like I was ever a popular kid and you know one day they might talk to me in the next day they might treat me like garbage it was a toss-up you never knew which one it would be. And it was like that with most groups I mean I could fit in with just about any group or click but I was never fully at home in any of them. I had a few really close friends I did and that was nice. But I still spent a large portion of my time feeling alone.

And if you think friends were Hardwell just imagine girls. Yeah I was in a real big hit with them either I really still am not a big hit with them apparently. You know sixth grade is when a lot of kids start dating and I know it's nothing serious in sixth grade you know it's looking back on it it's kind of a joke but I suppose it's nice for a pretty girl to want to hold your hand on the playground, not that I would know what that feels like.

So yeah feelings of loneliness and isolation and fear and then you combine that with anger and rage and hate and self-loathing and suddenly all these different emotions seem to have their own voice in my head and I can clearly make them out when they're talking and it is freaking me out. I think of the movie Sybil and how many times I've watched it and is that going to happen to me is my brain going to fracture into different parts where you know whoever's in charge today you know whoever's in charge tomorrow is not going to remember what happened today. And I was terrified that that might happen to me, terrified that my dad who didn't believe in psychiatry at all would definitely not believe it if that happened to me and I probably would just end up taking more beatings.

And I guess all of that culminated that day on the train tracks now obviously since you're reading these words and I'm typing them or texting them or however I'm putting them out there obviously the first voice get off the tracks, won the argument. But from that day forward that is an argument that rages in my head almost every day and almost non-stop every day, and I am beyond terrified that the day May come where's a real Me loses that argument and I really do given forever.

I mean that's why Robin Williams and Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington's suicides all hit me so hard and other suicides as well to be honest. You know because I would think to myself yours somebody who not only has tail ends that I don't have whether it be acting or singing or songwriting or whatever but also as a family that loves them you know, but on top of all that there are literally millions of people around the planet who love you and in the end all of that all that love all that respect in the end it wasn't enough to stand up to the voices in their heads.

And I I think of them and I think if if they lost, how long will it be until I lose? How many more nights am I going to be able to as my daughter puts it tell the voices to shut the fuck up? You know, how many more battles with these voices am I am I going to win?

Now I have this depression no matter you know what's going on in my life I mean My first girlfriend high School Dawn I loved her to death still had the depression thoughts Lisa my daughter's mom had the thoughts when I was with her had them when I was with my wife, had them when I was with Sue.

So even when I'm happy or things are going right it's always there just sometimes it's just static in the background of my brain and sometimes it's the voices talking clear as day but it's always there there are days I wake up and I literally do not want to face the world I'm afraid to leave the house. And even though it's always there during good times you can bet your sweet ass it gets worse during the bad times. If I lose somebody and it you know whether somebody passes away or for whatever reason they're out of my life or if a romantic relationship falls apart, obviously at these times the static gets louder the voices get louder than depression gets stronger.

Between the two times that my wife tried divorcing me if you add both times up you come up to roughly 2 years of just My Life falling apart, and I don't know how many attempts I made I know there were a few. And even more times where I thought about or planned to do it.

Between losing my job at AT&T and when Sue and I first started just talking I'd say for that close to year and a half they were a good three solid attempts that I made and so many more times again that I thought about it or planned it.

And the last 2 years I really don't know how many times I've tried there were a few times it's crazy as it sounds I've tried twice in a night. Ultimately if it was pills I made myself their love and if it was a blade or something luckily or whatever you want to look at it I never caused enough damage to have to go to a hospital so I probably would have never actually shuffled off the mortal coil anyways. There have been a few repeats at the very first time there have been maybe half a dozen times were upset on the train tracks that are less than a mile from here and just lay down and waited for a train.

But something always pulls me back I'm not the most spiritual or religious person in the face of the Earth but I do believe that my friend Tanya is keeping an eye on me from high above and I believe that my brother-in-law Karl is doing the same especially Karl. Because I'm certain he doesn't want me to make the same mistake he did.

And over the years have gone to many different therapists I've been on different prescriptions I've tried different programs different treatments some help more than others some don't help at all nothing makes it truly go away. I think that's the problem with a lot of people is they don't realize that depression is actually a combination of short circuiting and chemical imbalances in your brain mixed with things that have happened in your life that shape the way you feel about yourself and society in general. And I don't think anybody really addresses you know that it's coming from both sides I mean pills can fix the chemical imbalance they may not change the way you feel about yourself the way you feel about others. Therapy might help you feel different about yourself or feel different about others but then again it might not I've been to therapists that have been absolutely no help to me whatsoever and I've been to some that were so amazing that I wish I could have moved in with them. But unfortunately there's no easy fix there's no permanent fix I know for a fact that this is something that I I have been dealing with since 6th grade you know a time where I should have been more worried about passing notes to the cute redhead or passing notes to that brunette I had such a crush on and I'm passing notes to my friend saying hey my parents are going to be gone let's drink some beer this weekend you know? And at a time of your life where you're supposed to be doing all of those things and starting to do many more is when I started to question what was going on in my brain.

Now just imagine that for a second you know think back to when you were in 6th grade think of the things that worried you were scared you probably tests you know where you going to pass math or you going to be able to handle the fact that they introduced letters into the math which I still don't agree with by the way but that's a completely different argument. You know where you going to get invited to someone's those birthday party or someone shows whatever party. Don't worry about what your hair looks like where you might worry you might have too many pimples where you have glasses where you have braces all of those things you know that you start worrying about or have been worrying about right around middle school and they're all valid you know for your age. But now imagine having all those worries and then on top of it you're worried about what's going on in your head. I remember that day on the train tracks and I remember the thoughts going through my head and I remember once I got up and started to ride my bike home I remember just being terrified that I had had those thoughts in the first place. And unfortunately at that time you know depression in kids wasn't really seen as an issue and I had a dad that was brought up in a completely different time and didn't really believe in therapy here any of that stuff.

So once again I found myself alone I'm trying to deal with whatever was going on like so many other times in my life I was just alone. Thankfully it was around that time that my absolutely crazy father decided to take me to see a therapist because I wouldn't clean my bedroom. I am not making that up that's exactly why he took me.

And the first therapist I saw Dr Black there's probably the best one I've ever seen she explained depression to me she explained the chemical imbalance and she did her best to help her hands were a little tied by my dad cuz he thought the only problem was I wasn't doing my homework or cleaning my room he didn't realize that there was this entire hornet's nest of crazy going on in my head. Nor would he have believed it if he told her nor would he probably have let me go on medication for it anyways.

And so I have dealt with this since the 6th grade the depression different voices in my head different boxes for different feelings and then suddenly in my 40s out of nowhere I develop a new problem anxiety and panic attacks some of which come completely out of nowhere I can be in the middle of a rock concert having the time of my life have a full on panic attack it's happened.

It's just something I live with and as weird as it sounds I hope to live with it for a long time because if I don't live with it for a long time that means I gave into it. And I don't want to give into it and I fight so many fights against it. And like I said I've had it during good times don't get me wrong it never goes away completely. But during the bedtimes it most certainly gets worse.

And I am not saying this to blame anybody or put my problems on anybody else, but depression wise the last year and a half of my life it's been the worst, as far as my depression goes. The voices have never been louder, and the scary part is they've never made as much sense as they did for some of the last year and a half. I have lost track of many times I have thought planned or tried to end it all in the last year and a half. The numbers just too high.

Thankfully I'd say the last few months as other things have been falling into place in my life to depression anxiety they're both getting a little weaker and that's good don't get me wrong. But I know they're never going to go away I'm never truly going to be free of them. Doesn't matter who's in my life who's not in my life it doesn't matter if I lose a friend if I lose a romantic partner if I lose a dog if I lose a shoe none of it matters it's always going to be there. I could make a new best friend I could win the lottery I could go on a date with Betty White and we run into Ryan Reynolds, and it's still going to be there it's all these going to be there.

And I have come to the conclusion that there is a chance I don't know what percentage it is or how high I have a chance it is but I know that there is a chance that someday these voices will win and if that day ever comes I will let you know what will happen.

See how the last year year and a half of my life has been pretty bad as far as as far as depression goes it happens when you lose somebody and it's especially worse when you lose somebody that meant that much to you, yet you aren't sure what if anything you ever meant to them. But then again those feelings of not being sure of what or if you ever meant anything to the other person you know those thoughts are drummed up by your brain as well so you know is it really the case or is it just the depression of throwing more logs on the fire it's hard to tell.

But yeah, when you lose someone that meant that much to you, and you don't just lose that person you basically lose a whole life you know maybe there's kids maybe there's pets and you lose all of it, that's when the depression is really going to sneak up. Because then you feel like you've lost your entire life you know like everything that you had yesterday is gone today and you don't know what to do about it. Then it's even worse if somebody else comes into the picture and you feel like you've just been replaced in a matter of weeks or months and that Nas on you yeah that Parks itself right in your brain and it doesn't go anywhere.

And unfortunately I have had that type of loss three times in my life the first time my wife wanted to divorce me, and I face losing my house my kids and my dog,the second time when she actually did divorce me, and I did lose my house and my kids and my dog and everything attached to her and that life.......and losing Her as well as everything attached to Her.

And I'm not saying that these were the only times in my life were the depression God really strong cuz there have been other times but like I said when you feel like you've lost everything having depression on top of that is horrible, but so far I've made it. Through all the loss and pain I'm still sitting here in my room dictating this into a phone and I'm still breathing in and out and I'm still alive.

If you have taken the time to read this whole thing thank you I don't know you might want to like it or whatever but thank you for reading if you made it this far. Maybe in a few days I will be able to do more describing as exactly what the depression feels like but I don't have it in me right now. For tonight it was just important to put down just how long I've been dealing with it if for no other reason than I can read it back to myself and realize that I have been finding a way to win the fight against my depression since the 6th FUCKING grade! I think that's a pretty good accomplishment.

So again if you took the time to read this I didn't know it's long, I thank you, if you have any sort of depression I hope it helps you you know anybody with depression I hope you share it with them and it helps them if you have kids with depression definitely share with them I mean just started when I was a kid so. Sometimes I wonder why I write the stuff that I write on here and part of the reason is because maybe somebody out there will win their battle tomorrow by reading about mine maybe someone will win their battle tonight after reading about mine.

So that's my story or part of my story or part of who I am maybe I tell you this if you have no idea who I am and you read this you're getting very close to knowing me and yeah that kind of scares me but such is life.

And now I am done with that story and like I said maybe some other posts about it will happen who knows have a good night.

****and if for some reason you did read all of this and you want to reblog it because you think it might help somebody that you know because it might help you really for any reason at all you don't need my permission go ahead and share it****

[anonymityseaanemone]

It shouldn’t have happened at all, under any circumstances. Patient confidentiality should kick in. Someone should have stopped him. People should care about things like that --- but thank god they didn’t thank god ---

Yoongi’s weak, medicated, idiot brain is ripped against the sidewall of his skull like a new driver without a seatbelt when he gets the call. Jin’s nervous words sending his feet over the edge of the bed and his panicked hands through his messy, unwashed bed hair ---a desperate cry leaves his lips at the searing pain at the contact, even through the bandages Jin must’ve replaced while he was out cold---. The bed behind the curtain is empty. No shivering, shaking mess of a man to interrupt Yoongi’s snoring to be found. He should’ve noticed. He should’ve been concerned when he drifted to wakefulness. He should’ve---

this is not his fucking fault

He inhales. Exhales. Jin’s panicked voice on the phone now yelling for an update. He’s on route to the hospital, but he lives 20 miles away. The staff are looking for him and have been for about ten minutes. Yoongi inhales again. Exhales. Thinks.

He picks up the phone from the floor where he’d dropped it in shock, gingerly, trying to avoid as much pain as possible.

“...know it hurts, but please, please answer me---”

“Chill, I’m trying to think---”

“---looked everywhere, we can’t even fathom---”

“---what about the roof?”

Nothing but a sharp inhale comes through the speaker.  

“Hyung, what about the roof?”

Yoongi’s running before Jin has time to answer him. The elevator takes too long so he bursts into the stairwell and hurls his body up two stairs at a time. The pain in his foot is becoming alarming and he feels a shiver run down his spine when he feels something shift, sickeningly. One level to go. He grits his teeth. His body remembers. He grits his teeth and--->

(---Hyung, look. We’re so high up.

...come down from there

---I don’t want to, it feels… real

...what if you fall

---I won’t, Hyung, I trust you---

...don’t)

<---bursts through the door at the top of the stairwell. His lungs gulp in air and his legs shake. He can’t feel his foot. Good. Well, no. Bad. Really bad. But for now, who the fuck cares. When his vision clears and his heartbeats stutter to a slower rhythm, he can hear the sounds of bare feet tapping the cement of the landing. He drags his body to the sounds, as quietly as he can manage and what he finds once he gets to the other side of the wall is…

Dancing.

The lunatic is dancing.

Yoongi gapes, disbelief running through his system like water out a faucet and then his legs finally give out and he falls.

“You gave me a heart attack today, asshole.”

The man --- Hobi --- stumbles, and it’s a little too close to the edge of the building for Yoongi’s poor heart to not beat violently out of his chest.

“...I’m sorry.” His eyes are tired. Maybe a little glassy. Like he’d been crying and the water had just collected there, permanently ready to fall.

“What the fuck are you doing up here, anyway?” Yoongi shouts between inhales.

“I… there’s an audition coming up,” he says, like that’s supposed to just wipe away any and all concern in this situation, “I have to be there.”

“There’s an… audition coming up.” Yoongi repeats dumbly.

They stare at one another.

Hobi runs a hand through his hair, slicking it back. He was sweating an awful lot. Or maybe it’d rained while Yoongi was snoring peacefully in a hospital bed a few stories below.

“Why are you on the ground?”

Yoongi remembers why he’s on the ground and laughter erupts from his chest. It’s not a good laugh.

“Because I thought you were going to leap from the hospital roof on my watch and ran after you on a broken fucking foot.”

Hobi stares at him, mouth falling open in shock.

“I-I… how did you know?”

Oh, fuck.

“Hobi, listen…” Yoongi hisses it out like a swear, forcing his body forward and using the wall as a support, on his elbows, on his wrists to drag his body to standing on his one good foot.

“Don’t call me---who told you---stop---” When Hobi backs up all the way to the edge of the roof, Yoongi stops.

Oh, shit. Oh, god. God. Fucking damn it all to---

“Why?”

Yoongi hates resorting to reason. It’s complete bullshit even at the best of times.

“What do you mean, why?” Hobi---whoever the hell he is---looks wound tight. Like a rope swing that’s been spun around one too many times and might snap in two if pushed any further. “After---after this whole goddamn---” he chokes on some emotion clinging to the insides of his throat, “---how can you even ask me that?”

Yoongi is dimly aware that his body is shaking.

“Yeah, okay. That’s completely fucking fair. But---but you still gotta tell me. You still gotta convince me. Or, I’ll… I’ll just have to fucking go jumping off after you.”

The man whose name Yoongi still doesn’t know halts. Then he looks furious.

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“I… after this year, man… how can you ask that?” Yoongi has no idea what he’s saying anymore. He’s just spitting out bullshit trying to keep the man from stepping backwards into the fucking abyss right before his eyes. “You know how it’s been, I mean… we… if we can’t count on each other, what can we count on? I know… I know we don’t know each other, but, it made me really mad yesterday when they looked at you on that bed and just… just thought you were… were…”

“Were just making shit up?” The man supplied, voice hysterical.

“I… yeah…” Yoongi nodded. “That…”

“I have nowhere,” he whispers, like it’s some big secret. “And nothing.” Then, with a finality that shakes Yoongi to his core, “and no one, at all, to hold me here. Except for this stupid audition.”

“You have me.” Yoongi says, voice thick with irrational, human passion. “And---and Jin.” Then, “And quite frankly, my goddamn hospital bill if all those stairs fucked me up anymore than I already was. Also I’ll sue your entire family for emotional damages.”

“I don’t even know you.”

“I’m Min Yoongi,” he somehow manages to say, vaguely aware that his face is wet with terrified tears and sweat. The man before him stares, his expression dead and unreadable. Eyes glassy. Mouth twisted. But he’s not backing up anymore, so Yoongi keeps going. “I’m a musician. I---I have no one here in the city besides Jin, the goddamn nurse on call, and---and Namjoon, and, and he’s got his hands full enough as it is. And…” Yoongi breathes, counts to three. “And honestly, I’m looking for a roommate.”

Yoongi Waits. Tries to have faith. Hears his heart beating in his eardrums.

“Wh---”

“Hey,” Yoongi exhales, half hopping, half limping. “No thoughts. No questions. Just---”

“Wh-what if, but---”  

Yoongi has to break into a laugh at the image in his head of this moment. Himself, one working limb, tumbling unsteadily towards a barefoot, suicidal stranger at the edge of this gray and sterile void of isolation.

“I said,” he huffs, gripping the man by the biceps for purchase. “I said---no questions. Just. Fuck this, okay? Just fuck this and come live with me.”

“I---”

Yoongi stumbles and the man, hilariously, catches him before he careens over the edge of the hospital roof.

At that exact moment, Jin and another very sheepish looking nurse burst through the door at the top of the stairwell and come rushing out to catch them both.

Jin looks like he’s about to collapse, face pale with fear. The other nurse, younger, looks more composed, but riddled with guilt.

“I---...okay,” the man says finally, in a small voice, his expression almost the threat of a smile. “Okay.”

“Oh, no…” he hears the nurse whisper sharply. “His hands…”

Yoongi’s vision is darkening as he grins in response.

“Good, that’s… that’s fucking fantast---”

And that’s all the warning they get before Min Yoongi blacks out and crumples to the hard surface of the roof right at his new roommate’s feet.