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#i wish i could control myself
insignificantfailure · 6 months
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Are you normal or does the slightest criticism make you feel like throwing up, makes you sweat uncontrollably and your face feel like it's burning?
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poisonvick · 11 months
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growmybelly · 3 months
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Another lunch break where I overdid it. I’m sitting in my car desperately trying to not feel like I’m gonna pop if I take too deep of a breath. My pants feel like they’re cutting me in half 😭
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i don’t want my existence to be seen as something wrong or shameful anymore like seriously what am i supposed to do with all this rage and resentment at the world at large and at my own loved ones specifically. everyone knows i’m gay and in a happy relationship but MY parents and i think it’s horrible and embarrassing that they put me in this position where i have to LIE to them about something so important to me
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okay but who else ripped up their “bad” drawings as a child? genuinely curious
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ghosts-cyphera · 7 months
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I am a pussy so I wont be showing you who I am but I want you to know that I adore you and your writing. I can see a bit of your personality in every post and I love it. You deserve so much more praise than you get now. I hope you take time to hype yourself up a bit.
I’m—
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are you kidding me? are you serious? did you not accidentally send this to me? I’m convinced that this was accidental because this is literally one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever said to me and I genuinely do not know how to respond or what to say or what to do I’m just— 💕💗💘 aaaah !! thank you?? so much. so, so much. I’m sobbing.
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jittyjames · 4 months
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ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.
#i don’t want to feel this way#but i don’t know how to stop it#i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it#it wont leave me alone#i want it to leave me alone#i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think#but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else#i feel so empty and weird and vague#december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction#i’m always on the verge of crying and#i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work#and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting#you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down#ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing#how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head#part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics#idk#just haven’t felt this bad in a while#i just want to get out of my head so bad#i wish i could turn thinking off#sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own#but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that#i don’t mean to vent#i just feel really hopeless and shit rn#anyway#i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning#it wont be tho lol#nothing is ever better#bc the universe and god hate me
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motherhenna · 7 months
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guess who was craving indian food but didn’t want to grubhub it lol turns out chicken curry is actually pretty doable for beginners! I’m sure mine isn’t nearly as good as what you could get at a genuine Indian restaurant but I think it tastes pretty darn good all the same ~
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uselessnbee · 1 year
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thinking about Mike Wheeler being the heart, but not the heart of the party, the heart of the UD
thinking about Mike Wheeler being the leader, but not the leader of the party, the leader of the democreatures
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ivyithink · 1 year
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@kingslionheart come get your boys, please? your tags are yet again the sole reason for all ... this ..., whatever it is, existing, so i demand shared custody
also, i hope you don't mind me using this screenshot of your tags, tell me if you do!))
Ursula translates to "little she-bear", which both of them know, because they are smart, unlike me, who had to google for possible names and then vibrate exitedly when i found the perfect one (for me at least). her breed is the great pyrenees mountain dog, and those beauties grow up to be BIG big
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francesderwent · 9 months
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you know, for years I’ve either been primarily occupied with some past knot that I was trying to mentally unravel into what-might-have-beens and closure or with some imaginary future that I was painting in my head based on illusory signs. but lately I’ve been pretty securely ensconced in the present moment. occasionally I indulge in gazing back to look for the invisible string or peering around the corner to wonder what might be coming next, but mostly I’m just thinking about the now, and how happy I am in it. what’s on my mind is going for little walks, and washing the dishes while someone else dries.
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insane-weasel · 4 months
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I think as writers we should hold funerals for our WIPs more often.
Dearly beloved, gather us here today where this fic of some middle-aged man getting rawdogged and this other fanfic about the importance of friendship are laid to rest, because the author got really distracted playing that new video game.
We celebrate what could have been, cut-and-recycle those really good lines or ideas, because I swear I'm going to use them, I swear! And drag this poor document not to the great recycling bin or trash, but to the "graveyard" folder because sometimes I like to commune with the dead.
#fanfic#Writing#I just had to throw out 5k words of a one shot over something I can't change/control but I never delete old WIPs#I do just put them in a folder and still backup that folder with my other files#Yes some of my earlier ideas were horrendous but also there's a part of me still there in each of them#Sometimes it's less about the writing and more about who I was I want to sometimes revisit#Who was the teen girl writing gore at 15 and what would she think of today's writing#Who was the insecure fearful loveless boy who over expressed his masculinity online and wrote tough lonely guy characters#I don't want to be them anymore but when I hate myself sometimes it's nice to read what I've written#You hear the problems you never thought youd overcome in the author notes or in the subject and those fears and pain#You also see the first time you wrote a subject#I wish I hadn't deleted lots of my writing from when I was very young#Some I did because it legitimately could cause or encourage harm if left online#But I think I always smile when I see the old “this year is 8th grade” because by golly#Still think it's hilarious I got really into writing in middle school because I was jealous of someone else's writing ability in 6th grade#I can remember the exact moment I looked at my 2 page story and was filled with jealousy because they wrote 12 pages and my story felt so..#I remember going home and going 'i know I can write something good!' and people will like it!#And then like while looking for some place to upload writing I found fanfic
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yohankang · 5 months
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shit went down at work today and there's a chance they'll fire me 🙃
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tomatoluvr69 · 2 months
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What’s up tumblr hope you had a super fun leap day. sparkle on. big news my first seed start sprouted while I was at work ✨
#might have to change the url bc I’m in my collard era lol#my day was alright#I ate some shrimp curry that I’d accidentally left out all night and was fine bc I’m a scavenger of a person#then bc I started to feel PMDD fatigue I laid in bed with great elan til my shift started#then I spilled coffee all over my work clothes bc I stuck it in a very sketchy travel mug someone left in our house at the last party#and I listened to Screamin Jay Hawkins on the ride to work which was fun#work was a bit chaotic but uneventful and got to spend a huge chunk of it outside#it seems I have way better ball control than I did when I was a kid. whyyy now. i was such a loser I could have used some athleticism#but I’m so glad it’s the weekend so I can go palliative care mode which is what I call my lizard brumation pmdd phase#and stopped by a friend’s house after work which was nice#really rejuvenating#then made a sort of weird frittata w/ beets peppers and potatoes bc I was too tired to actually cook#watched sense and sensibility 1995 and really liked it although I found myself wishing for a bit more anguish. sorry#and I think I might set out one of the frozen almond croissants to proof overnight so I can bake it for bfast tomorrow#will go for a very short swim but probably only about 30 min bc of aforementioned fatigue. then pick up yogurt and a silly little treat#and will have ****** and **** for dinner either tomorrow or Saturday which will be nice#but really hoping Saturday because **** **** ** **** lol#and then Sunday I’m trepidatious about because **** was like what are you doing Sunday and I’m like well I guess having a fraught and#difficult conversation about our dynamic! lol#I’m very lucky to have proactive friends who are good communicators. truly I do not deserve his kindness. but like. god. let me retreat and#lick my wounds!#i shan’t get into it. but just know I know how S&G felt#and then another work week but I’m starting to really get a feel for the routine and what works and what doesn’t#and I’m excited for my next few meal preps we got millet and kale gratin#and a Lebanese chickpea dish the name of which unfortunately escapes me atm#but my mouth is watering thinking about it. saw a vid and was instantly influenced and went to the pantry to see if I had the stuff and I#dooooooooooo#and I do feel like I’m beginning to get past the worst of [event] and its sadness
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silenthillbunni · 2 months
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