I feel so sad this sucks i can't stop thinking about doing everything wrong with v I feel like im gonna cry I hate going to sleep early the day after I stay up it's just hours of laying down with stupid train of thoughts that come at night and I can't sleep I just want to sleep I don't want to feel so awful in the morning I don't want to feel awful right now I wish I could just get my thoughts in order get to the point and cry and be done with it. Nothing is going to change from yesterday to today to tomorrow I will just have been miserable and things won't change because of it I wish the world was kinder I wish the world wasn't so cruel I wish things were different I want to cry and now I can't even feel that anymore.
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Very quick mini vent sorry but trying to hold steady and take everyones "live with your parents and save money for as long as you can" advice especially as somebody with no prospects who will work some horrible low wage job for the entirety of his life and struggle to keep alive if he moves out but sadly and unfortunately and regrettably and torturously I am transgender and only getting older every year and I want my masculine appearance Now i want my deeper voice Now i want to be me Now.
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its funny bc im still living because theres stuff i want to consume (books movies etc) but apart from that i dont want to live. in the sense that i dont want to do what people do, i dont have the courage to be in a relationship or to risk my fragile stability for vulnerability and real connection and it will kill me, how i will never be happy because im too afraid to dare and do what i know i should do to try to give my life actual meaning.... but also im way too fucking afraid of dying
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*1610 and 42 hanging out on a couch*
42Miles: Hey Syri
Syri: *chimes*
42Miles: call us daddy >:)
1610Miles and 42Miles: *waits patiently*
Syri: ..... I don't see a father in your contacts
1610Miles: *trying not to laugh as 42 hits his shoulder*
42Miles: Well about that
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this is a stephcassrose win <3 we did it reddit <3
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Only reinstalled the hell app to post this bc I didn't have enough time to say everything I wanted to in my last posts. I'm not checking notifs or messages. I haven't seen anything posted on the last few posts, so if anyone is waiting for a specific response, you won't get one for a while. I'm done posting seriously or talking about anything until I heal and my family is better. I wish you all the best. Thank you to all the friends I've made here, everyone that treated me kindly, my great anons that kept me informed (and humble 🤡), and the talented people keeping this community going.
To people like Sara, Ki, Viper, Nes, Api, Wolfgang, Weepy, Blue, Moon, Twink, Van, and many many more- you made my time here great & regardless of anything that's happened now I still appreciate you and all you did to support me when I was hurt. To all the server members in general and my followers- I'm sorry for the pain or loneliness anyone has experienced from me not being able to be here to handle this issue. As well as to anyone that felt alienated or uncomfortable as black members of the server; being black myself, I should've been more aware and never allowed that to happen to you. Some of the members that expressed this, I considered close friends, which means I should have noticed even quicker and didn't. And when I was informed, I was too overwhelmed to do what I needed to reassure and protect you. Dollie/Corpsetrait may not be in the server any longer, but rot was there when the right choice would've been to remove rot until I had time to investigate all the claims, at the very least. That's what I've done now- too little too late. I know I could've done better, especially for my friends' sake and the server's, and I'll learn from that to make a better environment when I return. Make sure you keep all those receipts for me to put in my thinkpiece then- it's in the works, don't worry.
Finally, to all the people I disagreed with and shit talked in the past- no hard feelings. Keep fuckin' it up and I'll see you next time. ✌
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