#im physically holding in the emotions out of instinct

[kartana]

I feel so sad this sucks i can't stop thinking about doing everything wrong with v I feel like im gonna cry I hate going to sleep early the day after I stay up it's just hours of laying down with stupid train of thoughts that come at night and I can't sleep I just want to sleep I don't want to feel so awful in the morning I don't want to feel awful right now I wish I could just get my thoughts in order get to the point and cry and be done with it. Nothing is going to change from yesterday to today to tomorrow I will just have been miserable and things won't change because of it I wish the world was kinder I wish the world wasn't so cruel I wish things were different I want to cry and now I can't even feel that anymore.

[03jyh23]

— starlight, guide light, and everything in between || jeong yunho

In the quiet moments of parenthood, amidst the tears and the laughter, we find strength in each other's arms, and love that knows no bounds.

first-time dad!yunho x first-time mom!reader

genre: angst, fluff

trigger warnings: infant distress/crying; illegitimate child; parental anxiety/panic; emotional distress; breastfeeding; postpartum experiences

words: 3.8 k

reminder: what you're about to read is purely fiction, so let's keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! the time has finally come, and im publishing my first Yunho fic 🥹 lately, some kind of maternal instinct seems to have awakened in me, and i had to get it out somehow 😭😭 i guess im getting old. just to clarify, i haven't given birth myself or have kids, so this fic is solely written based on my imagination of what it might feel like postpartum.

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i'd be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

You were dozing off wrapped in Yunho’s arms, your head in the crook of his neck, his smell calming your tired body. Your eyes were heavy, and it was getting harder to fight sleep. His hand was creasing your sides softly, lulling you to sleep. Being curled up on top of your boyfriend was your favorite place on earth. There was something incredibly comforting about being wrapped up in Yunho’s arms, feeling his warmth and steady heartbeat. It's like your own little sanctuary, a safe place where you can let go of all your worries and just be present in the moment. And falling asleep like that, with the gentle rhythm of Yunho's breathing and the soft touch of his hand, felt like drifting off into a dreamland.

It was a little over a month since your life was turned upside down when your little daughter was born. In that short period, every aspect of your world had shifted, reshaped by the arrival of this tiny, precious bundle of joy. The days had blurred together in a whirlwind of feedings, diaper changes, and sleepless nights. Yet amidst the chaos, there were moments of pure magic—how your daughter's eyes would light up with wonder at the world around her, the soft coos and gurgles that melted your heart, and the overwhelming sense of love that filled every corner of your home. But alongside the joy, there were also moments of doubt and uncertainty. Yunho, however, was deeply scared and anxious about becoming a father to a daughter. The mere thought of holding the fragile little being, feeding her, or changing her, filled him with a sense of fear and hesitation. It almost seemed like he was unable, or unwilling, to form an emotional bond with the newborn. This emotional disconnect was not just limited to the baby. Ever since you gave birth, a sense of apprehension and fear had gripped him. It was as if he was afraid to hold you, to touch you, and to confront the changes that your body had undergone postpartum.

The vulnerability that came with postpartum recovery was like nothing you had ever experienced before. Your body felt foreign, every movement was accompanied by a dull ache, a reminder of the physical toll that bringing your daughter into the world had exacted. But it wasn't just the physical changes that left you feeling vulnerable—it was the emotional upheaval as well. The hormonal fluctuations, the sleep deprivation, the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a newborn—all of it combined to create a perfect storm of doubt and insecurity. In those moments of vulnerability, you had expected Yunho to be your rock, your unwavering source of support and comfort. Yet, his actions—or rather, his lack of them—left you feeling more alone than ever. His hesitation to hold your daughter, and his reluctance to look at your postpartum body, all served as a painful reminder of your perceived shortcomings as a mother and a partner. You couldn't help but wonder if Yunho found you unlovable now if the changes wrought by childbirth had somehow diminished your worth in his eyes. It was a cruel thought, born out of fear and insecurity, but it lingered nonetheless, festering like an open wound in your heart. You couldn't help but feel a sense of helplessness wash over you. The distance between you and your boyfriend felt insurmountable, a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow you whole.

That's why today's little nap meant everything to you. For the first time since the birth of Yunmi, Yunho was holding you like this, providing you with the comfort and warmth you longed for.

"Wait, did you hear that?" Yunho’s soft voice disrupted your nap. Not in your right state of mind yet, you just hummed against his neck, your eyes not opening even for a second. With a gentle hand, Yunho shifted you slightly, allowing himself to slip out from beneath your embrace. As he rose from the bed, you blinked groggily, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep that clung to your senses.

"What is it?" you murmured, your voice thick with sleep. Yunho's expression was one of quiet concern as he motioned towards the crib.

"I think she's awake," he whispered, his tone barely audible in the dimly lit room. Your exhaustion weighed heavily on every limb, making even the simplest tasks seem daunting. With a weariness that seemed to seep into your bones, you clung to the pillows, seeking refuge in their soft embrace.

"Could you get her?" you whispered, your voice barely above a hoarse murmur, as you heard the soft cry emanating from the crib. You mustered all your strength to sit up and shake off the tiredness as you looked at Yunho standing still next to the crib, almost as if he was unable to move any closer. Each cry felt like a dagger to your heart, a reminder of your inability to provide the comfort that your daughter so desperately needed.

"I think it's better if you take her," he said, his voice devoid of emotion, his gaze fixed on the wall as if unwilling to meet your eyes. The words struck you like a slap in the face, igniting a firestorm of indignation deep within your chest. Yunho's refusal to take Yunmi stirred a storm of emotions within you. Anger, frustration, hurt—all of it boiled beneath the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment. How could he still refuse to take responsibility for his own daughter? How could he stand there, staring blankly ahead, while you bore the brunt of exhaustion and fatigue?

"Yunho, how can you—" you began as you stood up from the bed, your voice trembling with emotion, but the words caught in your throat, choked off by the weight of your anger and hurt. Tears welled in your eyes, hot and stinging, as you struggled to contain the torrent of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. As you approached the crib, your hands clenched into fists at your sides, your breath coming in ragged gasps as you fought to maintain control. You leaned over the crib to take Yunmi into your arms and care for her. With a shaky breath, you turned away from Yunho, cradling your daughter close to your chest as you retreated to the living room. You weren't surprised that Yunho stayed behind in the bedroom, his presence a silent reminder of the distance that had grown between you. With a heavy heart, you settled onto the couch, cradling Yunmi in your arms as you prepared to breastfeed her. Your daughter's eyelids drooped as she nursed, the weight of exhaustion finally catching up to her. With each gentle suckle, she grew more and more drowsy, her tiny fingers curling against your skin in a gesture of contentment. As you watched her drift off to sleep, a pang of guilt tugged at your heart. You had expected Yunho to be there for you, to support you through the challenges of motherhood, yet time and time again, he had fallen short of your expectations. Yunmi finally drifted off to sleep, her tiny chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. With a weary sigh, you leaned back against the pillows, holding your daughter close as you closed your eyes, allowing the exhaustion of the day to finally claim you.

You opened your eyes to see Yunho carefully lifting your daughter from your arms, his movements a mix of awkwardness and tenderness. Despite his initial hesitance, there was a determination in the way he cradled her against his chest as if he wanted to make up for any shortcomings. As he tiptoed back into the bedroom, you couldn't help but feel a surge of warmth in your heart. Despite the challenges you faced, seeing Yunho taking care of your daughter for what you believed was the first time, filled you with hope for the future. You listened as Yunho gently placed your daughter in her crib, his voice humming a soft lullaby as he tucked her in. Drifting back to sleep, you were roused once more by Yunho's quiet voice emanating from the bedroom.

"I have so much I want to say to you," he whispered, his voice barely above a hushed murmur. Yunho gazed down at Yunmi, her small form tucked snugly into her crib, her chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm of sleep. ''I'm so sorry for letting you, and your mommy down since day one...'' A sense of awe washed over him as he watched his daughter, the weight of his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. "You're my little starlight, and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Yunmi is Daddy's precious, shining light in the darkness." He reached out to gently brush a stray lock of hair from her forehead, his touch feather-light against her soft skin. "Daddy is really so sorry," he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "Sorry for all the times I've been afraid, for all the moments I've missed. I want you to know that I love you more than anything in this world, and I'll do whatever it takes to be the father you deserve." As he spoke, he felt a surge of love and determination welling up inside him, a newfound sense of purpose ignited by the presence of his daughter. In her innocent slumber, he saw the promise of a future filled with endless possibilities, a future that he vowed to protect and nurture with all his heart. "I may not have all the answers, and I will make mistakes along the way," he whispered, his voice trembling with sincerity. "But I promise to always be here for you, to love you unconditionally, and to cherish every moment we share." With a tender smile, he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering against her skin for a moment longer. "I love you and Mommy so much. Sleep well, my little starlight," he whispered his voice a soft lullaby that filled the bedroom with warmth and love. "And know that Daddy will always be here, watching over you, every step of the way. From now on Daddy will do his best." As Yunho's words echoed in the quiet of the apartment, you felt a mix of emotions welling up inside you, threatening to overflow. Tears streamed down your face, unnoticed in the darkness, as a tumultuous storm of feelings raged within your heart. Anger simmered beneath the surface, directed not at Yunho, but at yourself. How could you have been so blind to his struggles, so oblivious to the pain he had been carrying? You berated yourself for not recognizing the signs sooner, for not being there for him when he needed you most. But amidst the anger, there was also a profound sense of relief—a weight lifting from your shoulders as you finally understood the depth of Yunho's feelings. For the first time since your daughter was born, you felt truly connected to him, bound together by the shared experience of parenthood and the raw vulnerability of exposing one's innermost fears. And beneath it all, there was love—a love that transcended words and actions, a love that bound you together despite the challenges you faced. Despite the tears and the turmoil, there was a sense of gratitude in knowing that you were not alone—that together, you could weather any storm that came your way.

A little while later, you heard Yunho returning to the living room, his footsteps soft against the floor. A pang of guilt tugged at your heart as you pretended to be asleep, not wanting him to know that you had overheard his heartfelt words to your daughter. You quickly wiped your tears, and kept your breathing slow and steady, willing yourself to remain still as Yunho approached the couch. Soon, his arms enveloped you in a gentle embrace, lifting you bridal-style and carrying you back to your shared bedroom. Settling you onto the bed, he tucked you in with care, ensuring you were comfortable before gently placing the duvet over you. His touch was tender, his actions speaking volumes of his love and devotion. Yunho pressed down a warm kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering for a moment against your skin.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion against your forehead. "I'm just so scared to be a father," he whispered, his voice barely audible in the stillness of the room. "Scared to hurt her, to make mistakes that she'll never forgive." You felt the weight of his fear pressing down on you, his vulnerability laying bare the depths of his insecurities. With each word, it was as if a window had been opened to his soul, revealing the raw, unfiltered truth of his innermost thoughts and feelings. "I want to be the best father I can be, but... but what if I'm not enough?" His voice cracked with the weight of his uncertainty, his words echoing in the stillness of the room. And then, you felt it—a single tear falling onto your temple, a silent testament to the depth of his pain and fear. In that moment, your heart broke for him, for the struggles he faced and the burdens he carried. "And you," Yunho continued, his voice trembling with emotion, "you've been amazing since day one. I've watched you, seen the way you care for her with such love and devotion. It's like you were born to be a mother, and... and I can't help but feel like I'm falling short." Yunho longed to be the pillar of support you needed, the rock upon which your family could lean in times of trouble. But with each passing day, the weight of his insecurities grew heavier, threatening to crush him beneath their burden. "I'm still so afraid," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper now. "Afraid of letting you down, of letting Yunmi down. But I promise, I'll keep trying. I'll do whatever it takes to be the father she deserves, even if... even if it scares me to my core." In the darkness of the bedroom, his words hung heavy in the air. "I love you so much, Y/N, and I will do better, I will be the support you need." Yunho's voice broke through the silence once again, his words filled with sincerity and remorse.

"And I love you," you finally whispered, your voice filled with tenderness and affection. With a gentle touch, you reached out to wipe away the tears that streaked Yunho's cheeks, your fingers tracing the contours of his face with utmost care.

"You've been awake the entire time?" Yunho's voice broke the silence, his words carrying a mixture of surprise and relief. A shy smile tugged at the corners of his lips, a hint of uncertainty in his gaze as he met your eyes. You returned his smile, the warmth of his presence washing over you like a gentle breeze.

"Yes," you admitted softly, your voice filled with understanding. "I heard everything." There was no judgment in your words, no recrimination for his vulnerability. Instead, there was only acceptance—a shared acknowledgment of the complexities of love and the struggles that came with it. Yunho's smile widened, a sense of gratitude shining in his eyes.

"Thank you for listening," he whispered, his lips placing yet another kiss on your forehead. "And for being here with me." You reached out to him, your hand finding his in the darkness, a silent reassurance of your love and support.

"Always," you whispered, your voice filled with unwavering devotion. "I'll always be here for you, Yunho. Through thick and thin." Yunho creased your cheek gently, his eyes never leaving yours. "And now get under the covers with me," you giggled mischievously, reaching out to pull Yunho close by his neck. With a playful tug, you caught him off guard, pulling him towards you until he landed on top of you with a soft thud. Yunho's eyes widened in surprise, a startled laugh escaping his lips as he found himself sprawled across the bed, his gaze locked with yours.

"You little trickster," he chuckled, his voice filled with amusement as he shifted to settle beside you under the covers. With a grin, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close until your bodies were pressed together in a warm embrace. The feel of his warmth against your skin sent a shiver of delight down your spine, a feeling of contentment settling over you like a soft blanket. "I haven't kissed you in forever," Yunho murmured, his voice laced with longing as he gazed into your eyes with a mixture of affection and desire. A soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips, your heart fluttering at the thought of his lips against yours.

"Then what are you waiting for?" you teased as you leaned in closer to him. With a tender touch, Yunho cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin as he drew you closer to him. And then, with a gentle tilt of his head, his lips met yours in a sweet, lingering kiss. At that moment, as you melted into each other's embrace, time seemed to stand still. The world faded away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the warmth and intimacy of the moment. As you pulled away, breathless and flushed with emotion, you felt a sense of completeness wash over you—a reminder that no matter how long it had been since your last kiss, the love you shared was as strong and passionate as ever. A playful sparkle danced in your eyes as you posed the question, your curiosity piqued by Yunho's endearing nickname for your daughter.

"If she's your starlight, then what does it make me?" you asked, a teasing lilt to your voice as you awaited his response. Yunho's gaze softened as he looked at you, a tender smile gracing his lips.

"You," he said softly, his voice filled with warmth and affection, "you're my guiding light. The one that leads me home, no matter how lost I may feel." Your boyfriend's words washed over you like a gentle caress, filling you with a sense of warmth and love. With a smile of your own, you leaned in closer to him, your heart overflowing with love and gratitude.

"And you," you whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, "you're my everything." And as you melted into each other's embrace, surrounded by the quiet intimacy of the night, you knew that no matter what the future held, as long as you had each other, you could weather any storm that came your way.

The sound of Yunmi's cries pierced through the tranquility of the night, pulling you from the depths of sleep with a jolt. You moved to rise from the bed, instinctively driven to tend to your daughter's needs. But before you could fully untangle yourself from the sheets, Yunho's firm grip on your arm halted your movements.

"I'll get her," he murmured, his voice filled with determination as he gently pulled you back towards the bed. You hesitated for a moment, torn between the instinctual urge to rush to Yunmi's side and the desire to trust Yunho to handle the situation. But as you looked into his eyes, you saw a steely resolve there—a determination to prove himself as a capable dad, despite his fears and insecurities. With a silent nod, you allowed yourself to sink back onto the bed, the warmth of Yunho's presence comforting you as you watched him rise to tend to your daughter. As he crossed the room to Yunmi's crib, you couldn't help but feel a surge of pride welling up within you—a recognition of the strength and courage it took for him to step up and take on the role of caregiver. Yunho took her in his arms, gently and tenderly, almost as if he were afraid that his touch alone might hurt her. He held Yunmi close to his chest, rocking gently from side to side, he tried to calm his daughter, yet Yunho's panic escalated as Yunmi's cries persisted, his worry evident in the trembling of his hands and the furrow of his brow.

"Is she okay?" he asked, his voice tight with anxiety.

"She's probably just hungry," you reassured him gently as you stood up for the bed, understanding the depth of his concern. But before you could offer to nurse her yourself, Yunho's response caught you off guard.

"Oh..." he trailed off, his voice filled with uncertainty. "I can't breastfeed her," he murmured, the realization dawning on him as he grappled with the limitations of his role as a father. You reached out to him, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"It's okay, baby," you assured him softly. "There are other ways you can help soothe her. We can prepare a bottle together, or you can hold her close while I feed her. What's important is that we're both here for her." Yunho nodded, his eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and gratitude.

"Thank you," Yunho whispered, his voice filled with emotion as he passed Yunmi gently into your arms, his eyes still big with worry. "Should I prepare a bottle for her?" You smiled softly at his eagerness to help, appreciating his willingness to step up despite his initial panic.

"I think I'll just breastfeed her for now," you replied, your voice gentle and reassuring. "But thank you for offering." Yunho nodded, a sense of relief washing over him as he watched you cradle Yunmi close, the familiarity of the bond between mother and daughter bringing him a sense of comfort. As you settled into the comfortable position, you nursed Yunmi, Yunho remained by your side, offering silent support and encouragement. As you nursed Yunmi, the gentle rhythm of her feeding lulled both her and Yunho into a peaceful slumber. The soft sounds of her contented suckling mixed with the steady beat of their breathing, creating a tranquil symphony that filled the room. With Yunmi cradled in your arms and Yunho nestled close beside you, you felt a profound sense of contentment wash over you. The warmth of their bodies against yours, the softness of their breath against your skin—it was a moment of pure serenity, a snapshot of the quiet joy that parenthood brought. You allowed yourself to bask in the tranquility of the moment, relishing the feeling of being surrounded by the ones you loved most in the world. In the soft glow of the morning light, you watched over them with a heart full of love, knowing that in this simple embrace, you had everything you ever needed.

"Be patient with him. He's trying," you whispered to your daughter, the words soft and tender as you gazed down at her sleeping form.

[inferencesarchives]

`•- Jealous Norton Headcanons

norton campbell (survivor) x gn reader

prompt: jealousy

warnings: jealousy (yeah no shit), physical touch

a/n: i have a hard time writing jealous characters but im gonna try my best today raaah hopefully i do alright also this is valentines event day 4 wahoo alright cool let's get on with it already

ever since the two of you got in a relationship with each other, norton couldn't help but feel protective over you.

he doesn't mean it in a bad way, of course! it's just that he's used to having things he cares about being snatched away, and he doesn't want to lose you as well. he cares about you more than anything else in the world, after all.

don't worry, though, he's not protective to the point where he's constantly hovering around you, obviously. he understands that you want to hang out with your friends sometimes, and he trusts that your friends wouldn't do anything malicious towards you. he doesn't let it get to him.

what does get to him, though, is whenever someone seems to start getting a bit too comfortable whenever you two hang out. you brush it off at first, obviously, since pretty much everyone at the manor knew about your relationship with norton. surely, they doesn't mean for their actions to come off like that, do they?

but norton isn't convinced. something about the whole situation just feels... off to him. he tries not to ovethink it, but he just can't help himself. something about it just seemed to make him feel strange and sour inside. he knows that they likely doesn't mean any harm, but...

he's left feeling bitter and uneasy as he keeps thinking about it. he doesn't quite seem to realize the way he subconsciously starts appearing by your side more and more, keeping a watchful eye on anyone else around. it's just his protective instincts. he doesn't mean to suddenly start sticking to your presence, it just... happens.

norton doesn't really seem to realize that he's jealous. he just wants to keep you safe and remind anyone else who dares to make a move that your his, and you don't plan on leaving him anytime soon.

if the situation calls for it, he pulls you closer to him almost subconsciously. he wraps an arm around your waist and holds you tightly next to him, shooting a nasty glare at whoever was getting a bit too close for comfort. he'll even go so far as to grunt at them, angrily telling them to back off, though he does his best to keep his emotions under control.

if you try to tease him about this later that night, he just grumbles and denies everything you say with the tiniest tint of blush on his cheeks. him? jealous? no, he'd never get jealous... where'd you get that idea from?

a/n: me when i. nortbn cmpball

thanks for reading, and remember to take care of yourself!

[nonexistent-introvert]

Train Ride

Pairing: no outbreak! college? Joel miller x f!reader

Word count: 2.2k

Content: angst, unrequited love, au where joel didn't end up being a teen dad and pursued his dreams of being a musician

A/n: Loosely inspired by this song. idek what to say anymore, im a sucker for angst and this is yet another unrequited love fic bc i love suffering. Fun fact: this fic was supposed to end happily but I decided against that.

  You couldn’t help the smile that was forming on your face as you admired the photo on your phone. It's a picture of Joel. His guitar case was strapped to his back, a grin on his face, the street lamps highlighting the features on his side profile. He looked so happy and proud as he gushed over the performance he had just put up. Talking obsessively over the backstories of the music he had just played beautifully. 

   “Who got you smiling like that?” the teasing sound of your friend, Esther’s voice broke you out of your trance. You quickly turned off your phone, trying to brush your feelings away. “I called you thrice.” Joel said, chuckling softly at the dazed look on your face. “Well, what’s up?” You asked, shoving your phone into your pocket. 

   “Did you take this picture?” Joel turned his phone around. The train started moving at the same exact time, causing his hand to shake as he tried to hold onto the handrails above him. The picture became a blur as you squinted your eyes at his phone to try to make sense of it. You blinked a few times before instinctively holding his hand in an attempt to stabilize the picture, it took you a few seconds before your actions comprehended in your mind. You abruptly let go of his hand, coughing slightly and you turned your eyes away from him. “You caught me.” You awkwardly laughed, hoping that he didn’t notice how much impact the physical contact had on you Joel smiled, the sound of your own heartbeat blasting in your ears. “It’s a nice picture.” He simply complimented. “I told you you looked the most handsome and charming when you’re playing the guitar.” Esther commented from beside you. You bit your lip slightly, Esther was the whole reason why you even knew Joel. She had introduced the both of you to each other and was definitely closer to him than you are. Joel shook his head, denying Esther’s compliments. You felt yourself deflate slightly. 

   Joel was engaged in a conversation with Esther. You couldn’t help the sigh of disappointment as you remained your distance from the pair from your place beside Esther. They were close, you weren’t. It was none of your business nor did you want to randomly insert yourself into the conversation. While you watched the pair, a painful memory flooded your mind.

   “I wonder if anyone else can make it to the performance. They all seem so busy these days, haven’t seen any of my friends around not to mention have a conversation.” The words had slipped out without any additional thought. It was the whole reason why it had hurt you so much because it was his truthful thoughts. Your heart sank, he had spent his last few days heading home with you, you definitely weren’t part of the group of friends he had mentioned. “Thanks, Joel. It’s nice knowing that I have been walking home with a stranger for the past few days.” you replied sarcastically, chuckling lightly with a playful smile on your face. It was just how you dealt with emotions, by hiding behind the protective shield that was humour. Joel blinked, the weight of his words finally comprehending in his mind. “No, no. I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I just-”

  Honestly? You didn’t want him to elaborate, didn’t need to know what he truly saw you as, didn’t need the confirmation that he definitely didn’t reciprocate your feelings. “Joel, I’m just joking. You don’t have to explain yourself.” Joel’s gaze sunk to the floor, ignoring your words completely as he struggled to find the right words to express himself. 

  “You’re a friend too. Just-just not the friend that I would share some matters with.” 

  You laughed, brushing his reply off with a shrug. “I get it,” You told him. 

  His words might as well have been a bullet through your heart. He had broken your heart that day. 

   Despite that incident, you couldn’t rid your mind of Joel Miller. Your eyes searched for him everywhere you went. Searched for him at the usual table he always sat at in the library to do his work, searched for him among his group of friends, and searched for him in the morning when you boarded the public bus you knew he took too. Every single time you searched for him, you reprimanded yourself. He was like a drug and you were like the drug addict. All you thought of was him and all you yearned for was him. You couldn’t even will yourself to stop falling for Joel. 

    “Bye, you two have fun!” Esther bid goodbye, watching the doors of the train open as she stepped out and waved back to the both of you. You stared at the map above the doors, four more stations. Four more stations before Joel got off and you’re left alone. Esther sent you a teasing smile, she always laughed about the fact that the both of you couldn’t hold a conversation up with each other that lasted longer than a minute. She was right, the awkward silence that suffocated both of you arose as soon as the doors closed. 

    The train started up again, the sudden gain in speed causing you to stumble backwards and hit your back against the wall. Joel stumbled forward, the distance between the both of you decreased sharply. His chest was just a few inches from your face, you could feel his breath on top of your head and smell the faint cologne that lingered on him. Your heart paced, your own feelings betraying you as your mind called you a traitor. How many times have you broken the promise to yourself that you would stop your feelings for him? “sorry “ Joel muttered as he quickly restored the distance between the both of you. The stupid hope arose in your heart again, the hope that would eventually burn you. You admired the features on his face, wondering if you had the same effect on him as he did you. Logic was quick enough to shoot that thought down as the hope turned into a flame that burned painfully at your heart. Joel doesn’t feel anything for you, your own logic coldly reminded you. 

    Your eyes remained fixated on the train map. Counting the remaining stations to Joel’s departure. One station had already passed in awkward silence despite how much you wrecked your brains for a conversation starter. Engaging in small talk seemed desperate enough while other conversation topics just seemed dry or too random. You let out a huff, internally laughing at yourself as you snuck a glance at Joel who was tapping his feet to a rhythm. Esther was the only reason the both of you talked most of the time, your love for music was the only similar interest between the both of you. The conversation topic of guitar and music has long been exhausted from the time you went home with him every day. You’re so hopelessly in love with someone who you can’t even start a conversation with, how pathetic were you? 

   “I’m getting off one stop earlier.” Joel announced, following your gaze to the map above. You wondered if it was because he couldn’t stand the awkward silence between the both of you. “I have a direct bus, closer to my home too.” He explained, you nodded. “I wish I had a direct bus.” You mindlessly commented, staring at the watch on your wrist. He hummed, he pointed to a station on the map. “That’s your stop, right? Yeah, I can’t think of a bus. You live way too far so thanks for making the effort to come today.” Your heart cracked, creating faultlines that threatened to break your heart apart at any time. You smiled, nodding at him. That wasn’t your station, he didn’t remember, while you had remembered everything about him. Another painful memory drifted into view, despite how badly you wanted to suppress it and pretended it didn’t happen

    “Wait, both your birthdays haven’t passed right?” Joel’s sudden question caught both you and Esther off guard. Your mind blanked out at the sudden question while Esther rolled her eyes at Joel. “Both of ours passed, a long time ago.” Joel tilted his head in confusion, trying his best to recall. You swallowed, 26th September. You recalled his birthday without a second thought. A boyish smile crossed his features, a sudden spark in his eye as a realization hit him. “Oh yea… I remember yours. February was it?” Joel furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes fixated on Esther. “February 22nd.” Esther beamed, “Congrats Miller,” You stilled, your heart pumping in anticipation as Joel’s averted his focus to you. He frowned and when you finally urged yourself to meet his eyes. All you saw was a guilty smile and you felt your heart crumble. Joel didn’t remember, he didn’t remember your birthday. Then you remembered how he gave you the same guilty look on your birthday when he had nothing prepared while you carried a bag that was filled with birthday gifts. “I’m sorry, I never knew it was your birthday.” He had apologised that day, profusely and you had reassured him despite the emptiness that lingered in your heart

  Joel averted his eyes, he seemed disappointed in himself.  “I’m sorry, my mind has been a mess these days. Just can’t seem to remember anything.” He admitted and you felt your heart break again.

   They said that if you liked someone you would remember even the smallest details. Like you did for him. 

  You leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the floor as you were brought back to the present. Joel stood beside you, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. The train was just leaving the second station and heading for the third station, the station that Joel would be getting off at since he would be alighting one stop earlier than usual. 

   Was it really impossible between the both of you? The question lingered in your head. He has sent you multiple songs on random occasions with comments like “Do you know this song?” “This seems like your taste.”. Joel had participated in midnight conversations which caused the both of you to stay up way too late talking before he eventually urged you to sleep because it was unhealthy to stay up. Not to mention when he had brought you to a spot to admire the sunset together one day. Did you overthink everything? Did nothing matter at all? Did you make up moments and things that were never there?

   “Bye.” You looked up, sucking in a breath as you realised that it was his stop. You replied a similar reply as he stepped to the front of the door, awaiting the doors to open. You followed behind him, admiring him from behind, where he couldn’t see the adoration in your eyes. You committed his figure to memory, wondering how it would feel if you hugged him from behind right now. If he would Mutter sweet nothings to you as he admitted that he wanted to spend more time with you. How his hands would feel around your waist, how his lips would feel against your temple or face, how he would leave with a promise of seeing you soon. 

   “You’re alighting?” He turned, surprised to see you directly behind him. You stood too close, you shook your head, “Just standing closer to the door so I could alight easier and not squeeze past people.” You defended quickly. He curtly nodded before striding out of the train, leaving you alone. 

   You leaned against the wall, calculating the small probability that he may reciprocate your feelings for him. The probability only got smaller every time you spent time with him. 

   “Get home safe.” A message from Joel. Your thumb hovered over the message, your head racing with possible replies. You closed your eyes, feeling your heart clench as you swiped his message away instead. 

   The thoughts of him, the clear signs that he didn’t see you that way haunted you. From how he clearly didn’t remember or know anything about you to subtle signs like how he never seemed to bother to reduce his pace when walking with you while you struggled to keep up with him. From the lack of conversations between the both of you and most clearly, how he didn’t even feel the need to contact you for weeks on end and how he doesn’t even notice your presence. 

   The tears came so suddenly that you didn’t even have time to duck your head down fast enough. Strangers shot you concerned looks as they saw tears drip down to the floor from your face. You quickly plastered a hand over your mouth, preventing the sob from escaping from your throat. You didn’t mean to cry, everything had just occurred to you so suddenly that it overwhelmed and confused you. You stared at the darkness outside, if only Joel knew how you felt right now. Like your heart was about to just give up, tired of beating to someone’s else rhythm. 

  Someday, one day, you’ll stop loving Joel Miller.

  Until then, you’ll continue admiring him from afar, imagining that he loved you as much as you loved him. 

  Until then, you’ll allow him to break your heart again and again.

[finallydelight]

im not sure if youre familiar enough with nct127 members but as a caratzen it would be so cute to see a markming chapter where mark officially introduces her to 127 members and they somewhat adopt her . maybe one where she even talks about it to her members when she gets back to the dorms adn cheol gets sulky because hes jealous about how much she talks about how sweet the members were to her

The Link | Ming Chapter

author's note: bold is english. there are mentions of weight loss and having anxiety. a shirtless yuta. if there is something else I forgot, pls tell me! also, im so sorry it took me this long to write! feedback, thoughts, opinions, etc. always welcome in my inbox! <3

October 22, 2022

''No kissing. No hugging. No touching!'' Cheol yelled out his demands, grabbing his stuff together and putting it in his bag. ''If any of them make you uncomfortable, I want you to tell me, okay?'' He stopped in his tracks and looked at her, one eyebrow raised. 

Ming diligently nodded, holding in the urge to roll her eyes at all the ''rules'' he was spitting out about her attending the NCT 127 concert. ''Don't you think you're being a bit over dramatic?'' She dared to ask the question. 

''No.'' He answered, matter-of-factly. 

Joshua and Minghao walked into the living room, all ready to leave for their last schedules of the day. ''You ready, hyung?'' They stood by the door, waiting for the rapper to join them. 

Cheol nodded at them, turning back around to give the youngest a goodbye hug. ''Be careful, okay?'' His remaining arm that wasn't holding his bag wrapped around her shoulders. ''Of course, now leave!'' Ming laughed, parting from the embrace. 

''Bye, Mingie!'' ''Have fun!'' ''Not too much fun!'' Her three roommates left the dorm and were on their way to the cars downstairs waiting for them. 

As soon as the door closed, Ming pulled out her phone, calling the person she needed most in that moment. 

''Hello?'' 

''Soomin! What do I wear?'' 

''Just wait here, I'll get him for you.'' The staff member told her, before disappearing behind the door and closing it. Ming anxiously waited behind the door, the mix of different emotions becoming almost overwhelming. 

It had been over two months since she had physically seen Mark. Their schedules and her hiatus prevented them from meeting somewhere in-between. She had missed seeing him, but it was a very last-minute decision to agree to his concert invite. 

First, Ming was still on hiatus and being spotted at a concert while her members were putting their blood, sweat and tears into their schedules, didn't seem like the best idea. However, Mark seemed to have thought about that as well and suggested she could watch the show from backstage. That way there weren't any lurking camera's or fans, and if she needed anything there were staff members there to help her. 

Second, it had been a long time since they last saw each other and that didn't exactly end in the best way. They hadn't talked about it afterwards and she doubted they would talk about it now. 

A lot of things had changed in the two months that had passed. Most importantly, she had gotten closer to someone else while Mark was busy with his own activities. Also, she had seen Yeonjun more than she had seen Mark, which caused her to be very confused about her own feelings.  

Mark and Yeonjun had vastly different personalities, while Mark was more on the shy and awkward side with her, Yeonjun was confident and direct about his feelings. 

The opening of the door in front of her interrupted her conflicting thoughts. ''Come in quickly!'' A hand wrapped around her pulse and she was pulled into the concert building.

Once the door was fully closed and locked behind them, she was finally able to take a good look at the man in front of her. Her eyes immediately went to his freshly dyed hair, something Mark noticed. ''You like it?'' His hand instinctively went through his hair. 

''It's, uh, definitely different.'' She awkwardly chuckled, quite surprised by his new hair. He laughed at her puzzled face, getting the hint she likes his darker hair better. 

Mark hesitantly opened his arms, not too sure if it was appropriate or not to hug her. Ming smiled at him, finding his nervous grin endearing. She walked into his embrace, her arms secured around his waist. 

A deep sigh left his mouth, as if he was relieved she was there in his arms. His head nestled in her neck as he mumbled the next words. ''Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.'' His low voice sent chills down her spine. ''Of course, you called.'' She whispered back to him, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

The hug didn't last very long, both very aware of the eyes of the crew members on them. ''How are you doing? I missed you, it's been so long.'' Mark asked her, guiding her through the hallways. 

Ming hadn't given much information about her hiatus to him. He knew that it involved her family and that she needed to stay in her hometown for a while. Mark had been relieved to know that everything was stable again back at home and that she had returned to Seoul about a week prior to the concert. 

He had asked her a lot about her well being and assured her he was always there for her if she needed a listening ear or literally anything else. She had politely declined each time, telling him she was doing alright and that it wasn't as bad as her members made it seem. 

He realized he had downplayed her wellbeing a lot as he saw her standing in front of him. Bags under her eyes, obvious weight loss, low energy and the sparkle he always saw in her eyes seemed to have dimmed. Overall, she didn't look like herself. She still looked beautiful in his eyes, but it was noticeable that she was having a hard time. 

''I'm good, how are you?'' 

Mark smiled. ''Now that you're here, I'm doing amazing.'' He wasn't going to mention her hiatus, he just wanted her to have a nice time. 

A blush appeared on her face. ''You're too cute.'' 

Ming's comment seemed to have the same effect on him as he had on her, because an equalling red tint appeared on Mark's cheeks.  

''Hey, uh, you don't have to, but would you maybe like to say hi to the members?'' He stuttered out the words, not confident if she wanted to go and greet his members. 

Ming felt her hands beginning to shake once the question left Mark's lips. It wasn't a secret to anyone she had trouble socializing with people, especially if those people were the best friends of the guy she had a crush on. 

''You really don't have to, they can be a lot at times, so I understand.'' 

''I would love to meet them, Minhyung.'' 

''Nice! They really wanted to meet you.'' 

The 127 members had been teasing him nonstop ever since their little mistranslation incident, especially Johnny, Haechan and Yuta. It's like they finally had something else to bug the young man about that wasn't about his farting. Mark was also curious to see how Yuta and Ming would get along, seeing as his hyung had been teasing him about the woman who ''has been taking you away from me''. 

Mark motioned for her to follow him, leading her to a door of which she could hear the inside voices from a mile away because of the loudness of the noises. "I told them to behave and to not act crazy, but most of the time they don't listen to me, so I'm just warning you." 

Ming didn't know how to properly answer that one, so she opted for a simple, nervous laugh. Mark gave her a soft smile before opening the door to the gates of hell. 

Upon Mark and Ming walking in, the room fell a bit more quiet than what she had heard outside. It wasn't a kind of silence that made her want to crawl in a hole, but still enough for her to feel uneasy about it. 

Jungwoo was the first one to break the slightly uncomfortable situation, getting up from his stylist's chair and greeting her. ''Hey, Yerim! Thank you for coming.'' He thanked her, padding her shoulder. 

''Thanks for the invite.'' She tried to sound excited, drowning out the nerves that were a result of the other members staring at her interaction with Jungwoo. 

''Mark, why don't you introduce her to everyone?'' Johnny asked his younger brother, his infamous smirk plastered across his face. Blood rushed to Mark's cheeks, but he took a hold of Ming's arm and brought her to his American friend. ''Yer, this is Johnny.'' 

Johnny's smirk turned into a comforting smile as Mark introduced her to him. ''Nice to finally meet you, Yerim.'' 

''Likewise.'' Ming politely returned with a small bow of her head. 

''Hyung is from Chicago!'' Mark told her, remembering she had a concert there for their tour. ''Oh, that's cool! We performed there this summer, the city was great.'' She beamed, having good memories of the tour stop. 

''Oh yeah, Mark told me you went there! He actually never shuts up about yo-'' ''Okay, let's move on!'' Mark interrupted Johnny, quickly pulling Ming to the next members in sight. 

''This is Taeil-hyung,'' the oldest member gave her a little wave which she reciprocated, ''and this our leader, Taeyong-hyung.'' 

''Thank you for coming to our concert, Ming-ssi.'' Taeyong reached out his hand for her, which she shook. His polite and gentle nature was a dead giveaway he was in charge of the group, he reminded her a bit of Cheol. 

Ming smiled at him. ''Thank you for having me.'' 

Mark was content so far, Johnny almost ruined it for him, but he's happy that the rest are actually behaving in front of her. He didn't think they would listen to him. 

He guided her further through the room. ''You've already met Doyoung-hyung and Haechan.'' The two members in question gave her an acknowledging nod, which she returned. 

''And here's Jaehyun-hyung.'' 

Ming didn't have the best impression of the man sitting in the stylist's chair. He had gotten her in trouble multiple times by snitching on her to Mingyu and she didn't really know what to say to him. 

The 97-liner bowed his head. ''Hello, how are you?'' He politely asked, looking at her through the mirror. ''I'm good and you?'' 

''Me too,'' he replied, ''hey, I just wanted to apologize if I did something wrong? Myungho texted me a few weeks ago and told me to stop gossiping to Mingyu about you. I didn't mean for you to get in trouble or anything.'' Now she felt bad for feeling apprehensive to talk to the guy, he was super sweet. 

''Oh no,'' she shook her head and hands, ''please, you don't have to apologize! It's not that serious, really.'' Ming assured him, not wanting him to feel bad about the 'snitching'. 

Jaehyun let out a relieved sigh, glad she didn't seem to be angry at him. ''Okay, great.'' 

''Guys, where's Yuta-hyung?'' 

The Japanese man wasn't present in the room, confusing Mark as he was still there before he went to get Ming. 

''YUTA! MARK's GIRLFRIEND IS HERE!'' 

Johnny was about to continue his teasing, but quickly got shut up by both Taeyong and Doyoung. Meanwhile, Mark and Ming were so flustered they looked like tomatoes. 

The man everyone was looking for walked into the room, completely shirtless. Mark immediately turned Ming around, not wanting her to see any of it. ''Hyung!'' 

''Oh, sorry!'' Yuta apologized, putting his stage blouse on as soon as he noticed the young woman next to Mark. Once he secured everything, he approached the two 99-liners. 

''So, Kim Yerim … we meet at last.'' 

The serious look on his face, his crossed arms and use of her full name, caused chills down her spine and not the good kind. 

''Yah! Yuta, be serious!'' Taeyong scolded the man, while the rest of the group tried to muffle their laughter. 

The serious look on Yuta's face immediately turned into a big smile. ''I was just kidding, it's nice to finally meet you.'' He gave her a hug, which took her by surprise. Ming hesitantly put her arms around him, still in shock from a few moments prior. ''Nice to meet you too.'' 

''Yerim, you want to sit down?'' Doyoung asked, being reminded of Seungkwan's texts asking him to make sure she sat down as much as possible. Before she could decline, Doyoung stood up and motioned for her to take his place. 

Ming thanked him and sat down on the couch, putting her purse on her lap. ''Yer, I'll be right back, I still have to change my clothes.'' Mark told her, crouching down before her. 

She wasn't too fond of the idea of being alone with people she only met so many minutes ago. ''Okay.'' Mark smiled and got up. 

She felt someone taking the space next to her, turning her head, she saw it was Doyoung, who was already fully ready for the concert. ''Hey, Yerim.'' 

''Hi''

''Soonyoungie said you went to the IU concert here in September, how was it?'' He asked her, striking up a conversation to make her feel more comfortable. 

Ming started realizing some of the members probably had sent some messages to the NCT members about her attending the concert, so this either could go good or bad. 

''Yeah, it was really good! I got to meet her as well after the show, it was so cool.'' She answered him, reminiscing about the IU concert. 

Doyoung nodded along to her words, attentively listening to what she had to say. The space on the other side of her dipped and as she turned to see who it was, she saw Jungwoo holding his phone in front of him. 

''She's here, Seungkwannie.'' 

Jungwoo held his phone in front of her and she was met with the one and only Boo Seungkwan who appeared on his phone screen. ''Ming Mingie! Did you arrive well?'' 

Ming could hear some of the staff and 127 members laughing at Seungkwan's words, she felt completely embarrassed. 

''Yeah, I'm here.'' Her voice came out small, not wanting to draw much attention to the interaction with her member. 

Seungkwan looked amused on the other side of the phone. ''Are they being nice to you?'' He continued asking, fully aware he was humiliating her. 

''Yes, they're really nice.'' 

''Am I embarrassing you?'' 

''Yes.'' 

Seungkwan, as well as the 127 members, laughed at her reaction. Ming couldn't even look at the screen anymore, too embarrassed by Seungkwan. 

''Ah, Yerim-ah! How is it there?'' Soonyoung appeared next to Seungkwan on the screen and Ming loudly sighed, much to everyone's amusement. 

''Don't you guys have schedules?'' Even if the members weren't physically there, they made sure there was a way for them to be with her in some kind of way. Ming absolutely loved her members to death, but all she wants is one evening without them. 

Seungkwan got the hint. ''I think she wants us to leave, hyung. Her brothers are embarrassing her in front of her boyfriend's friends.'' He couldn't help but throw in one last tease. 

''Bye Seungkwan! Bye Tiger!'' 

Jungwoo hung up the phone, doing his best to hold in his laughter. ''He suddenly called me, asking how you were doing.'' He explained to her, standing up and going back to his stylist's chair. 

''Hey, I'm back!'' Mark appeared in front of her again, wearing his white stage outfit. ''You, uh, want to go outside for a bit?'' It was obvious he wanted her alone for a moment, without any of his members staring or eavesdropping. ''Of course.'' 

''Behave yourself, Mark Lee!'' Johnny yelled out, right before Mark and Ming left the room. 

''They weren't too much, I hope? They kinda toned it down from what they usually do.'' He hadn't heard what they had said to her when he was changing his clothes. 

She shook her head. ''They were very sweet, Seungkwan-oppa called Jungwoo, so I was busy with that.'' Ming chuckled, sending a quick glance his way. 

He led her to a more secluded area, away from the crew, camera's and most importantly, teasing members. ''Aaah~ that's good.'' 

''But seriously, thank you so much for coming here, I really appreciate it.'' Ming became almost emotional with how sincere and grateful Mark sounded. Ming momentarily rubbed his arm. ''You really don't have to thank me, Minhyung.'' 

''No, I do! The last time we spoke, it was… well you know,'' he stuttered, remembering Chenle's teasing at the Dream Show, ''and I was kinda scared that maybe you didn't wanna hang out with me anymore, so when you said agreed to come- I don't know, it just made me very happy, Yer.'' With the way he was speaking, it almost sounded like a confession. 

Ming's cheeks colored red for the nth time that night. ''You're making me flustered, I don't know what to say.'' Her hands rubbed her cheeks, trying to cool them. 

Mark took a step closer to her, once he noticed no one was around. ''Hey, uh, I have to go in a few minutes, but, uh, I was wondering if I, uh, well, if you maybe- you don't have to if you don't want to, I know we haven't seen each other in a while and, uh-'' 

''Minhyung-ah,'' Ming interrupted him, ''calm down, it's just me.'' Mark was a stuttering mess and as much as Ming loved him in a flustered state, she didn't want him to be this nervous in front of her. 

He nodded, looking at the ground. ''In like one minute, they're gonna ask me to come down and I need a lot of luck tonight for the show, so if you don't mind would you be able to, uh, give me a good luck-'' ''Kim Yerim, is that really you?'' 

''Oh, for fuck's sake.'' Mark muttered as he was interrupted. 

Ming looked behind the frustrated man and saw Taeyeon and Minho approaching them. She quickly bowed as they were senior artists. ''Hello, sunbaenims!'' She greeted them. 

''They didn't tell me you were here! Oh, hi Mark.'' Taeyeon immediately went in for a hug, while briefly addressing the NCT member. 

Minho stuck out his fist for a fist pump and she reciprocated, nervously laughing while doing. ''Mark, they want to take a picture with the entire group, we came to find you.'' He explained their sudden appearance. 

While Minho and Mark were busy with each other, Taeyeon whispered in Ming's ear. ''I didn't know he was your boyfriend.'' A slight smirk attached to the sentence. 

Ming quickly shook her head. ''No, no, we're just friends.'' 

''Friends don't look at each other like that.''

Taglist: @mystic-luv @cosmicwintr @mythicalamphitrite @billboard-singer @stopeatread @still-astray @sakuurra @multiplums @giverosespls @seongwhaffels @kimhyejin3108 @smoooore

[quidfree]

Hello!!! so I love your story Sober II… I was re-reading it back to back with TSH and the way you wrote them felt so true to Tartt’s characterization of them I was absolutely floored to how you captured the essence of the characters in your writing and your extension to their dynamic.

I have a question about your own personal head-canons between the two because I also read your spin off fic of sober II and found myself wondering who you think is the more physically affectionate of the two? I get the feeling that both your Francis and Richard kind of shy away from showing the other affection, or at least quite hesitant in doing so. From what you’ve written I feel like it’s Francis because of little moments like him placing his feet on Richards legs when they’re both on the couch… but in my re-read it’s Richard usually reaching for Francis, or Richard keeping Francis’ hands on him out of instinct. And that bit where they’re in their 40s and Richard suddenly becomes paranoid about how close they were in front of his students. Anyway, sorry for the tangent but I’m simply curious about who you think is the more affectionate of the two!

Also, don’t laugh at me but when you mentioned Anne Carson in your story I fell into a spiral of purchasing a few of her novels and translations and now I’m obsessed. She’s pretty popular but she’s never really be on my own personal radar, so thanks for that!

ahh thanks so much anon- and what, i’m delighted you discovered anne carson through me, not laughable at all!

that’s an interesting question and your analysis is good haha- made me sit and think about my subconscious choices in writing them. i think you’re right that i don’t necessarily see them as affectionate with each other from jump, due to all of richard’s sexuality hangups and francis’ weird relationship to physical affection.

in my head francis is definitely more touchy but it’s like, following a specific set of rules- he’s flirtatiously touchy (see: initiating all his hookups), and casual with the touches if you’re an unthreatening figure in his life (his mother, camilla, etc), but i feel like bc richard is a bit of a complicated situation as of post-canon he’s more withdrawn with him than he might otherwise be (and might have been back in early hampden when he gave less of a shit about richard and also was prodding at him to see if his gaydar was right). he has a lot of walls in place mixed in w his sexual traumas (childhood and otherwise). altho he does tend towards softer than richard, what with the blanket coverings and such.

richard’s thing is 1) he’s the outsider, so he’s more yearning for other people to bring him in than secure in reaching out 2) Men are not for Touching. hes so happy to be part of the pile of limbs in the backseat or get his hair ruffled or hand held or whatever but even in hampden i don’t recall him initiating that very often except when his emotions just overpower him (see the camilla kisses). that said, to your point, i think especially w the benefit of their history and also the traumatic losses they suffered, richard is very reachy- the whole sober ii thing is like. the kind of panicked / instinctive motion to keep what’s left of his hampden days with him. and how that melts into holding onto francis specifically.

anyway they both have that going on. richard is probably more classically touch-starved? but they’re both more comfortable with sex than other touch from what we see- like, it is kind of ironic that the day francis comes to hook up with richard seeking that connection to distract from murder hell is Literally on the heels of richard seeking out a random girl to do the same thing with. they are soo.

they grow into it tho. francis starts it off bc hes like oh right this is someone im hooking up w now so i can do x y and z. but richard’s probably first to go sort of, ah, romantic about it, which then sends francis skittering back a bit. i have a lot of Thoughts abt their physical scars & how those play in.

[teatimewithserene]

⁠♡˖⑅Aisle⑅˖⁠♡

*⁠.⁠✧♡ I had this idea for a long time but I do not know how to write that good.. oh well. (Might delete this later?)

ღ♡ღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღ♡ღ

Here he comes home from his work, worriedly he checks up on you.

He heard loud coughing from your shared bedroom. He opened the door revealing you, bedridden, pale and your eyes are red.

He walks towards you quietly, you smiled at him.

"Welcome home"

He grasped your hand tenderly afraid that he would hold your hand too tight.

"Why did you only tell me this now? " he says.

Apparently one of your family member had a big mouth and accidentally told your fiancé about your incurable disease.

You sighed.

"I.. did not want to bother you."

"Bother me?.. seriously darling is that the only reason? Dont you know how worried i am right now? Im shattered here.. if your cousin did not accidentally told me,would you still kept this as a secret?" He exclaimed stress and disbelief was heard on his tone.

You raise your head only to cough painfully with blood.

"You were always busy." You said while wiping your mouth.

"I have all the time for you. You could just ask me to spend time with you!"

"Do i have to remind you everytime that you have a spouse waiting for you at home?" You said sternly.

His eyes swelled with tears.

"Fuck, just damn it.. Im sorry.. im so sorry my darling.. "

You melt at the tears and rest your hand on hid shoulder.

"Its alright.. none of this matters anymore.."

A whole moment of silence before your coughing breaks out again.. "How.. much longer do you have..?" he said sadly. "I do not know, unfortunately.." His hand trembles slightly. "At least I won't see you go.." you smiled. "Don't say that.." he said almost in a pleading tone. You hummed. You stare outside the window as you coughed blood.

He watched your gaze set on the outside window, and his eyes landed on the blood on your hand. Seeing the most important person to him slowly wither away and all he could do was watch. He sat beside you on the bed. He didn’t say anything - he didn’t know what to say. "Do you think I'll be able to marry you in the future?" you said. In the future.

The idea of losing you was bad enough, but now you were talking about weddings and the future, things that might never happen. “You…” he began, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Of course you will, darling. Of course, you will,” “You will marry me. Soon, okay?” You smiled softly. "How about we practice now? I bought our wedding attires while you were away." The idea of you already preparing for your wedding with him stunned him. You’d actually envisioned your life with him, you trusted him blindly, and now you had already begun preparing. He nodded. You both wore the wedding attires with his help, your body was slowly withering therefore it is hard to do physical movements. "You look beautiful," he said. "and you look handsome as ever.." you replied. “You make a beautiful bride, you know?” he said, his voice still a whisper as he stopped in front of you. He held both of your hands in his. He instinctively intertwined his fingers with yours, holding onto your hands like a lifeline. "I do" you said.

There it was again. Those two simple words.

His heart ached again. He wanted to hear those words from you more than anything, but not if it meant losing you sooner. “I do…” he said, voice low and filled with emotion. You were leaning in but your cough interrupted it. “... Don’t... Don’t strain yourself.” he said through gritted teeth, unable to watch you in pain. "Ah I'm sorry.. I ruined the moment.." He shook his head immediately at your words, his expression softening a little. He pulled you closer, gently wrapping his arms around you and carefully making sure not to crush the wedding gown. He helped you place yourself on the bed. His arms were wrapped around your waist, holding you against his body. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. The last thing he wanted was to show that he was a mess on the inside. He was supposed to be the strong one, the one who had everything under control. But how could he be that when you were slowly fading away in his arms?

"Do you think I'll be able to walk down the aisle one day? Another painful blow to his heart. The thought of you walking down the aisle, beautiful on your wedding day, was enough to make him ache. “You will,” he said firmly. "You’ll walk down the aisle and come to me. And I’ll be there, waiting for you at the end. I promise.” "I'll wait for that day.." Your body relaxed slowly.. He woke up the following morning, but something felt off. Something was wrong. He lifted his head slightly, his bleary eyes adjusting to the morning light streaming in through the window. As realization dawned on him, his eyes widened.

He quickly pulled you against his chest, his heart racing. "Rest well, my dear.. I'm so sorry."

ღ♡ღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღღ♡ღ

[talon-dragonbeast]

Hello, welcome to my blog!

Name: you can call me Talon!

Pronouns: i use voi/void, drei/drem, they/them and that thing/its pronouns! she/her is also okay :}

hello everyone! this is a blog for my nonhuman identity, specifically dragonkin, endermankin, corvidhearted and spacehearted. i created this blog as an archive of my journey, to help me figure out stuff and know more critters like me

sometimes i also talk about being misceanimalis, which for me is not only related to my nonhumanity but to my gender as well. i identify as a beta and an omega, also known as gamma/oeta. if you want to read more about the misceverse, i made a post explaining it here!

here you'll find my personal experiences as a dragon and enderman, quality shitposts about my nonhumanity and maybe some drawings. as you'll soon notice, i love to ramble about things and writing is one of my favourite hobbies, so you'll find plenty of that in this blog. asks, interactions and tag games are very welcome, i promise i dont bite (even if i am a bit feral sometimes) :}

#whispers of the dragon is my talking tag!

⬇ click on the read more for a ramble about my identities ⬇

about my dragon identity

i believe my species is semi-digitigrade and quadrupedal, but i can stand on my feet for short periods of time. i have steel blue scales on every part of my body, the ones in the chest and neck area being bigger and grey-blue, as well as dark spines on my back that go from head to tail. i have four claws on each hand and feet, two half-feathered wings and a long tail. the feathered half of my wings is a very dark blue while the membraned half is grey-blue. i have a long snout that ends on a pointy beak shape, two horns and two long ears. my eyes are golden with sliced pupils.

dragonkin is my primary kintype, so i experience it very intensely in almost every moment of my life. from when i wake up to when i go to sleep, i am a dragon; its such an important part of myself that if it was forcibly removed from me, there would be no "me" anymore. very frequently, i get phantom, mental, envisage, and/or sensory shifts (there are other types of shifts like dream or spiritual, but i dont experience those).

my phantom limbs are most often of wings, teeth, ears and claws. sometimes a tail, horns, spines and a snout, but they're not as intense as the others. i can move them at will and they react to stimuli as if they were physically there, but i cant touch them and they phase through stuff.

about my enderman identity

here is a post with details about my species! I'll attempt to summarise it here:

so as I see myself, I'm a tall and dark creature with very long limbs that end in claws. my hands look a bit like human hands, but padded and with longer fingers. my legs are digitigrade and long. i have a tail, it's thin and very mobile, and ends in a tuft of hair. i have glowing purple eyes with darker, oval irises and no pupil. i have two fangs fused with my upper lip; my mouth is very rigid along with the rest of my face, which makes it difficult to show human emotion. and I have big long ears that are able to move a little.

endermankin is my secondary kintype, so I don't experience shifts as often and when I do they're mainly mental and envisage shifts.

when I'm mentally shifted (which can be triggered by eye contact, social anxiety, being alone, or nothing at all), it becomes more difficult to show emotions with my face, and instead i rely on body language or phantom limbs (it can also come with a difficulty to remember words, which can be frustrating). if i mentally shift, i cannot hold eye contact for longer than a second, if at all, and will become increasingly distressed if forced to, as it actually hurts to maintain. the main instinct I get is just holding objects with my two hands (preferably block-shaped things), it's soothing and gives us enderman a lot of comfort. m-shifting also gives me urges like start wandering around the room im in, stand on my tiptoes to mimic my digitigrade legs, and sway from side to side to mimic moving my tail.

other identities

im corvidhearted! i heavily relate to corvids on a personal level, so i see myself reflected in them and they are a big part of my identity. i consider crows and ravens (and sometimes magpies) like family, because they have a symbiotic relationship with dragons, and help eachother in the wild (kinda like ravens and wolves!). because of this, i experience cameo shifts with raven wings sometimes! :D

i also got something going on with space that ive decided to label as spacehearted. its a very profound feeling, a longing that i feel in my chest every time i look at the stars. i think its probably related to a special interest in astronomy i had when i was a kid. space is so important to my sense of being that it impacts my identity, so i feel like otherhearted is an adequate descriptor for it.

flag

dividers

[charmixpower]

Was rewatching secret of the lost kingdom on my friends huge tv after like 8 years and honestly there is so many rivusa crumbs I never noticed and that just heals my inner child🤪 like there’s the scene where after they rescues the boys from the rock eagle and she just runs and straddles him like pls they are too cute and theres also the part where after he wakes up at alfea where she hugs his arm after she sees he’s ok😭 just fits with my hc and the season 2 finale the Musa loves to hug rivens forearms and biceps🥺 omg after they manage to free domino right and blooms family is having a reunion, and Musa just grabs rivens hand after seeing them reunite😭 there’s also the part during the transition zoom out before the royal ball where everyone is clapping EXCEPT rivusa Bcs they’re in their own little world and she just looks up at him and he looks down at her and smiles while he wraps his free hand around her waist (would have never noticed this if it weren’t for the big screen)😭 then during the royal ball scene at the end after sky “proposes” to bloom and it shows the shot of the rest of the girls and guys (including nabu which like ??? Where was the man throughout the movie) riven just wraps his arms around her waist😭 I know it’s probably not that deep but to me every moment after the stabbing part is just their offscreen reconciliation we were robbed off Bcs I would love nothing more than to have seen smth of them talking out what happened and stuff (and worst part is I can’t find any fanfics of it too🤡) and also the fact that she basically got impaled and there was never any injury always bothered me (ik u had a drawing of matching scars from these 2 idiots sacrifices and honestly I like to hc that riven likes to kiss that scar Bcs it’s technically his doing but oh well kids show things🤪) like I like to think that him holding her waist is kinda like a protective instinct and a subconscious act Bcs of guilt of smtb from his actions

All in all secret of the lost kingdom has so Many whacky plot holes and yet movie rivusa always serves everything. The cuteness the angst (like stabbing ur loved one Bcs you weren’t in control of your own actions and Bcs they wanted to protect the innocent party?? Peak angst) and the small moments. I just believe that in movies: rivusa is always superior

Rewatching Winx movies is self care

Ah YESSSS!!! their so so so so so cute!!!!

I love how these two are like *holds each other* *grabs each other* *wraps around each other*, like.... physical touch love language represent, their so affectionate and adorable

Them being in their own world is YES

Nfkskfjejdkekejeje

If it makes you feel any better if you go though my Winx secret of the Lost Kingdom tag you'll see me yelling about the fall out in—NFKSKDJS YEAH SAME!! Riven is super affectionate to Musa's scar because he feels it his fault and he's trying to make it better in some small way, and Musa is super affectionate to Riven's scar because if it wasn't for him she'd quite literally be dead and it's the physical representation of his dedication and love for her and OH MY GOD I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOREVER

Yesssss I feel like Riven actually managed to fight off the body puppeting spell for a while, matching how Riven broke out of a spell to save Musa in s2, but he couldn't hold on long and Musa was using the fact that he didn't want to hurt her to stop Matorgora form using him. Basically putting Riven into a situation where he has to fight as hard as he can because Musa refuses to move and if he doesn't he'll majorally injure the person he loves the most. There is just SOO much emotion, like most of him feels guilty because Musa was steadfast in the idea that Riven could hold off the spell and he tried his best but he couldn't

Oh im so obsessed with that, he gently tries to protect her injury so she doesn't get hurt again

I have a hc that he does the same thing when he's feeling anxious or depressed unintentionally making himself feel way worse by reminding him of the worst possible scenario

Yes yes yes YES!! big agree!!!! Rivusa is just amazing in the movies, I love them always, but the movies are *chef's kiss*

Ough the parallels of Musa and Riven taking an injury to help their partner out, never getting over it, never getting over it

[farforvdova]

(    𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖈𝖘 - 𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖙𝖔 𝖒𝖚𝖘𝖊 𝖇’𝖘 𝖜𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖒𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖓 𝖓𝖊𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖆𝖗𝖞.    )     @dctrreids.

no matter how hardened her exterior appeared,  she could not stop herself from yanking suddenly at his more than gentle touch with the cloth.  not that it hurt  (  it did  )  but more so that touch for anya was never truly associated with good things.  not always,  at least.  and here now,  the doctor was a stranger to her.  one that she had yet to figure out  -  he could be a monster with a touch so gentle.  

but  -  anya wouldn’t hold it against him.  It was baseless fear of course.  reid had yet to do anything that made her think otherwise. so  -  she found herself able to relax,  breathe deeply and slowly.  basic instinct over,  anya apologized. . . a softly mumbled “im sorry.”  that had a twinge of physical and emotional pain interlaced between the letters.  she hardly ever apologized  -  but she couldn’t convince herself that it was fair of her to have reacted to such a soft,  tender touch in that way.  “ caught me off guard. . . ”   anya looks over her bare shoulder to glance at him. 

she refused to make eye contact,  but she thought it best to acknowledge him as he began to clear the mess of a wound for better healing.  it was a deep,  deep pattern of road burn.  she had been thrown from a moving vehicle  -  and it seems just like before,  reid was there.  watching  -  coincidentally nearby.  it had crossed her mind that maybe he was spying on her,  but she decided to push that thought away and not jump to too many conclusions.

[bloodiedbrain]

haven’t been able to function since thursday. i dissociated so badly that day i was simply moving and not thinking almost all day. reactive, instinctive, that’s all. automatic, a robot, a shell of a small candlelight thats burning out.

my limbs felt so heavy, like weights were holding them down and i didn’t feel real, nothing around me felt real, i was only experiencing what was happening and letting it happen. my job is physical, mental, and emotional. death and injury are around me, and ive learned to understand that but that day i realized pain. compassion fatigue is known as a clinical issue in my field of work.

since then, ive been broken, scattered, dissociative, and lost. stress is no exception, but i deal with it daily, so what does it matter?

no one will help me, no one sees how much pain im in cause i never express it.

my thoughts are turning suicidal again, intrusive thoughts litter my head thinking about every way i could die right now. i wish to free myself of this pain without a care. no one cares, no one notices me because i hide myself so well. they see my external, never my internal.

oh, the life of being broken. its so wonderful!!! :)

[misslionfigther]

VENOMLIKE QUIRK for Himiko Toga.

Lately I have been thinking of a way to make Toga stronger when it come to fighting. I love her transformation Quirk and the possibility of her using others quirks but I think they nerfed that ability a little bit by her needing an emotional connection to the person she is drinking blood. Which is OK, it also make it more special character wise but it also mean she would have to fight more often with her knifes enemies that cool destroy her in a minute. She is practically fighting Quirkless. So I have an idea but is possible that I am making it to OP.

My idea started by making her Quirk be sentient almost like Dark Shadow. I also draw inspiration from werewolf fanfic in which sometimes they have to live with the wolf inside of them and can communicate with the beast. Toga gives me vampire/predator/beast vibes even more if her Quirk make her have like the instinct to "hunt" for blood and drink the blood from the people she love. Very vampire like. It can also serve like a second personality that urge her to use her Quirk and "feed".

However, Im taking my inspiration in Venom from Marvel, the bird powers of the Manga Birdmen, and even the abilities of Power from Chainsaw Man. But after reading more about the Symbiontes ability and their appearances I think is easier to just use Venom as the inspiration since it does practically what the Birdmen do. Also the thirst for blood is literally a Venom thing.

So with this in mind I am imagine Toga with a Symbionte as her Quirk. When she active her Quirk she becomes "Venom" and in that form she can transform and manipulate its biomass to: design her "suit" (whether is a classical superhero suit/armor or make it look more demonic like and looking like an actual beast), make her have more muscles, create claws and meele weapons, tentacles with needles, wings, be able to stick to wall. And her actual power to turn into other people not matter the size, I also include animals.

Almost like Venom, she can cure some of her wounds, can hold inside of it small things that don't weight much (like her clothes, purse, knifes or even a blood tank) and has enhanced physical ability while she wears the suit, like speed, agility, strength, resistance, flexibility, not to the level of All Might, The Flass, and Superman and others whose actual superpower is that enhanced ability, but enough to make her punches a real challenge and hurt a lot as well as having resistance to take to the punch. That enhanced physical ability, can explain how agile she is in canon and how she was able resist the explosion while fighting Curious. Her speed could be also the explanation why sometimes she can pass undetected.

Her weaknesses are the ultrasonic waves that make her lose her enhanced strength, speed, etc. Also just like Power from Chainsaw Man and Toga in Canon, her Quirk is fule by blood. Meaning she might be able to use all this cool things if she has drunk big quantities of blood. Maybe with actual training and experience she could use all her abilities with just a cup but until then she run out of blood pretty quickly so long battles are another of her weakness. In order to fight long battles she has to stick with one tipe of transformation or rely on her enhancements. The more she transformed he biomass more blood she burn. Like in Canon she can only turn into the people she has drunk their blood, the same can be said for the animals. The more she has to chance her size, more energy she would need. The forms that take the less effort from the less to just a little more are : some blood red brackets for her teeth, making a Venomlike mask, turning into "Venom" and/or make a knife or needle to suck blood. More things like decorating the suit, make "spider webs" or even wings to fly, as well as using the quicks of those she have an emotional connection, would break the transformation quickly. Running out of blood would first break transformation if she was in one but still be able to be in Venom form, later she might lose her Venom form but still have a little bit of enhancements without it, later she would not have any type of power but can still communicate with it. However, if she stays without drinking blood for a long period of time like weeks, month... can be bad for her health from having anemia, fainting, can cause pain on her limbs, her Quirk can end up sucking her glucose, fat... Maybe acting like a kind of Diabetes I. Eating can help a little bit but not much. However, she can do it the other way around, where she can sustain herself with only drinking blood since the Symbionte also heal her health problems. Which means this girl have been surviving in the streets by sucking the blood from her victims like and actual vampire. She can't be stuck drinking blood for a long time or daily, since she can end up found by heroes, so the moment she can drink, she has to drink how much she can. It can end her killing her prey in the process or being only able to drink a little bit and run, so she is unable to fill her "blood tank" making her only able to use the basic or her Quirk having to rely in only the enhancements and is always running hungry. The more hungry she is the less she can control her Venomlike personality and is running by instinct. This Quirk also make her more sensitive to the smell of blood and the taste being able to track and distinguish people one from the other.

In other words, Toga has a Venomlike symbiote that is the physical manifestación of her Quirk and also a mix between a second personality and her basc instincts. Like survival, reproductive, protective, possessive instincts. And Toga can communicate with it in her mind constantly. It urge Toga to act violent but can also show loyalty and be protective.

I think it can be a really versatile Quirk but since it run by blood. I don't think is to OP since she can't fight for long or do to many things at the same time.

[alexiskk]

Unwilling Truth

Word Count: idk pretty long🥲

Parring: lokixf!reader(platonic)

Warnings:mentions of torture, hostages, drugging, injuries, etc but always sfw!

Summary: After being injected with truth serum after a hostage situation y/n finds herself accidentally revealing some of her biggest secrets to the God of Mischief himself, and of course he’s willing to exploit any secret of hers if it means it will cheer her up.

my first ficccccc eeeeee. I have had this idea in my head for ages and im so glad I finally wrote it. hope you enjoy!💚

I did barrow one idea in particular from the lovely @writingfics-passingtime , I hope you don’t mind I am such a fan of your work and couldn’t help myself from including the “self preservation instinct” idea!

Also if the spacing is weird i am so sorry i barely know how tumblr works haha. enjoy💖

“Tony I need a medic team on the south side of the building two minutes ago!”

“Im working on it”

“NOW!”

The screams back and forth between Tony and Steve felt like a distance conversation from where you sat. Scenes as Steve paced in front of you were blurred as you attempted to keep your self upright in the cold metallic chair you were placed in. Pain at this point had dissipated from your body except for a lingering twinge in your wrists and ankles where you had been pulling at for the past hour. Although hostage was a not a term you wanted to get used to, this definitely wasn’t your first rodeo.

As one the younger members of the team, you we’re usually the one who had to get your hands dirty on missions. Fake hostage situations, talking intel out of someone, the more annoying or frustrating a mission was, the more your team volunteered you to do it, but hey, no one said being an Avenger was luxury. On this day however there was no tricks about the situation at hand-someone screwed up and within the first hour of your stakeout a day prior to now, you felt a rag forced into your mouth and boom, you were out like a light. Waking up sore in a small werehouse with shitty heating surrounded by a HYDRA strike team waiting for you to wake told you two things

Peter was not just playing a prank on you

It is way to cold to still be in New York

With a heat wave in the city a sinking feeling in your stomach appeared in a hurry as you contemplating how you would do in a fight without any limbs if u chewed them off just for a chance to get out of this room. But, even to your surprise, you didn’t give them anything of value. Hydras methods for torture while not the most splendid seemed to never be able to outwit your best and seemingly also worst quality-stubborness. No one quite like you would be able to leave their captors so confused and annoyed with their victim as you, frustrating them left and right with information that would always lead to a dead end. Although their methods brutal, with what you like to call “shock therapy on crack” or random injections of what you guessed was insulin KOing you more times than you wish to remember, your facade never broke to let them in. For as tough as you we’re and as much fun you were having messing with them, you could definitely feel the physical and emotional toll it was taking on you in around the 4th hour of this, and whike you were beyond thankful your team found you, it was now hour 9 of this endeavor, and you weren’t sure how much longer your could hold onto that consciousness of yours. Even as your eyes met Steve,who was now frantically attempted to undo the heavy chain locks around your wrists, you felt yourself slowly slipping.

“y/n you need to stay with the living come on”

Steve felt your cheek with his hand as he practically attempted to pry a fluttering eye open in hopes of keeping you awake until the medic team came. Your skin felt like ice which terrified him but he made sure it didn’t show in his reaction.

“hmmmhm doin my bestt”

your eyes remained closed as you mumbled your first words to him since he found you tied up here. You did your best trying to reassure him that you definitely weren’t gonna pass out anytime soon but your weren’t too convincing and even after these words left your mouth your lips began to tingle and you saw some weird black dots whe-

“uh oh”

klump

the words slurred out as your body slumped over. The last image you remembered was a worried Roger’s right before you vision suddenly went dark.

Your hearing was the first to return to you, as a loud continuous beeping from a nearby machine woke you from a deep sleep as you made your first futile attempts to open your eyes against the harsh white light the medbay so graciously supplied. After finding success with your vision, you shifted your head to its side to be met with the site of Dr. Banner nervously typing away at his computer. You looked down at the cot you were lying in, their seemed to be a surplus of blankets and you smiled at the thought of Bruce grabbing them because he knew you hated being cold. He was engulfed in the data in front of him, not even noticing you shifting as you woke.

“Don’t tell me it’s terminal doc I’ve got so much to live for.”

You smiled as your raspy voice seemed to spook Bruce who probably wouldn’t have ever noticed you were awake if you hadn’t said something. He smiled and came to check your vitals and shut off the beeping, making sure everything was in place.

“Sadly it’s treatable, which is a bummer I was so excited to have a way to finally get rid of you”

You smirked. Even after a traumatic last couple of days for everyone, humor was one thing you could always count on when it came to the team.

“No but y/n there is someth-”

Bruce was interrupted but the sound of the door opening.

“Ah so hypernation season is over I see”

“Says you Popsicle”

Steve smirks as he walks over next to your cot to scoop you up into his big arms and hug you.

“don’t you ever scare me like that that again kid”

“hmmm no promises”

You whispered back as Steve squeezed your shoulder making you squirm out of his arms and back into your cozy bed.

“How are you doing really?” Steve asked sighing as he smiled and stared at your weakened state

You stared off with a smirk and spoke plainly .

“I feel like shit, I have a terrible migraine, and yesterday was the most terrifying day of my life”

You furrowed your brow at the word vomit that just came out of your mouth so quickly, you almost questioned if you just simply said it in your head, but the confused and concerned looks from Steve and Bruce confirmed that it was most definitely aloud.

Being an Avenger meant that every thought you had makes 10 cycles through your brain before being said out loud, even to the people you trust because after that much time working as a spy, you just become conditioned to it. Saying the right thing at the right time was crucial to not jeopardize a situation you find yourself in in your line of work. Besides your training, admitting anything to anyone was not your strong suit, overall making this entire interaction just as a strange as possible. Bruce suddenly spoke up,

“Di-Did you mean to say that?” he asked almost quizzically, like he was trying to connect the puzzle pieces. With a confused look on your face and the sideways shaking of your head Bruce suddenly rushed back over to his computer.

“What is it?” You say up from your bed and tried to peer over at what Bruce was looking at, but was unable to make out any of the data. Banner than ran over to your vitals and rechecked to make sure you were still ok.

“Can you answer a couple of questions for me?”

“Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“Please I promise this is more important”

You finally agree shaking your head and crossing your arms, frustrated that things were being withheld from you.

“What’s your name?”

You look at Bruce with an attitude.

“Really? What, do you think I have a concussion?”

“Answer me”

Bruce now seemed more scared than concerned so you obliged

“Y/N”

“Age”

“Y/A”

“Favorite Food”

“ Pepper’s Homemade Chili”

“Location of Project Penthouse”

Like it was programmed into your brain, an address was recited from your lips with zero hesitation only for you to cover your mouth with your hand a second later and produce widest eyes you think were possible.

Why the hell did I just say that?

Steve too sat their with mouth agape at the information you so easily forked over, while Bruce on the other hand simply went back to typing as he said under his breath, “ So that’s what you do”

“Bruce please tell me what the hell is wrong with me”

He sighed and turned his chair to face you.

“ It appears that Hydra was injecting a substance into you that contained a very specific chemical compound, one that is still in its very early stages of development” He rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses and sighed. You gulped as the awkward silence filled the air.

“Please just tell us what it is get it over with” Steve broke the tension luckily.

“It’s a inhibitor being introduced into interrogation situations” Bruce sighs in an attempt to sugarcoat it.

“In english please”

“It’s probably the closest thing we will ever get to a truth serum”

Of course it is

You too now brought your hands to your face to massage your eyes and temples. Out of everyone on your team for you to be the one injected with truth serum has got to be some of the most ironic situations you could imagine. The secrets you had could not only ruin you, but had the opportunity to take down your team altogether.

“Then how come I didn’t tell them anything?” you questioned, still wanting this all to just be some weird dream.

“Like I said this compound is not fully figured out yet. I believe they accidentally used a variant of it which had some sort of delay effect, which is why it’s affecting you now.”

“Is there any danger besides psychologically?”

“No I’ve done a great deal of research on the compound, we even have in house samples of this one, you should be fine but the-”

“Ok so how long is it going to take to wear off?” you interrupted.

Bruce sighed and showed you your vitals through a fancy chart on his computer.

“That’s what I was trying to say, uhm…we need to actually continue to inject it into you”

“Im sorry?” You looked at him like he had just told 8 yr old you Santa wasn’t real.

“If we don’t it’s going to kill you.” Bruce paused and then points to spiking lines in his chart. “The compound is extremely addictive meaning your body latches onto it and pretty much shuts down if it doesn’t get more of it immediately following the first dose. With about 4 doses in your system right now, if we cut you off completely, there’s a high chance your body won’t ever properly recover.”

You shut your eyes and processed the whole situation. Thinking it all through you finally realized

“Wait but I can sti-”

“No im sorry y/n, no more missions or even going outside the tower until your done with injections. We just can’t risk it” Steve finally spoke up after processing the entire situation himself. “I’ll go let the rest of the team know” He gave you a saddened look of guilt and then left to go notify the others.

You huddled and turned to face the wall your bed was up against the side of, pouting at the situation you found yourself in. Just because you now couldn’t tell anyone outside the tower secrets you held doesn’t mean you wouldn’t slip up and tell someone inside it. And to think the things that Lok-

“Ah so she does live”

Speak of the devil

“No honestly I thought I was going to have to care about you for a moment it was quite worrisome”

Without the desire or motivation to respond, the only action you preformed was the raising of your hand to flip off Loki who stood behind you.

“Is it bad to say that I liked you better when you were asleep?”

You finally gave in with a smirk. Loki and you always had a unexplainably solid relationship. The sarcasm and sass definitely played it’s part in your cohesive nature, but there was something deeper that tied you two together in an unbreakable relationship.

“Don’t worry, I liked me better then too”

Loki gave you a confused look as the words left your mouth but Banner interrupted his stares by handing him a note while he addressed you.

“You can go back to training starting tomorrow if you so wish, but no leaving this tower. We will do injections every morning at 8 for a week, Loki will be keeping an eye on you to make sure this drug doesn’t affect you it any way it shouldn’t.”

Loki who was now smiling at the note he was handed looked back up at you, like he now knew something you didn’t.

“Do I really need a babysitter? And did you really have to make it him?” You rolled your eyes and was pissed because if you knew anyone who would catch peter trying to swing you out of a window, it was Loki.

“Oh come on now y/n, I’ve always wanted to get to know you better” Loki gave you a sly, smile, making you nervous for the first time in your entire time since waking up. Bruce confirmed this to be the only solution for the time being only for you to sigh and cover your face with a pillow. This was gonna be a long week.

It was day four of your week long truth streak and so far you didn’t have too many complaints. Loki attended to his books for a good portion of the days, always keeping you within earshot, but never purposely bugging you. You did however run into a few issues that didn’t involve him. Accidentally blurting out that you didn’t like Scotts lasagna in front of everyone when asked what you thought of it as well as spoiling an episode of one of Wanda’s favorite old tv shows we’re definitely the low points of the week so far but hey, could have been worst.

Today however you found yourself already craving field work once again. It was where you thrived and to be without it was causing you more anxiety that you wished to admit. With almost everyone out on missions or projects you spent an abnormally long amount of time in the gym this morning im attempts to shake this tightness you felt, but even your workout couldn’t help relive the stress you felt over not being able to help your team. You showered and found a spot on the living room floor to make one last attempt to get out of your own head.

“What do you think your doing?”

You jumped and turned to see Loki hidden behind a book in the corner of the couch. You uncrossed your legs from your 2 second attempt at meditation as you crawled over to sit on the floor near him.

“I can’t get out of my own head. It’s not even been five days and I already cannot stand being stuck here” You said with a furrowed brow, still not adjusted to your compelled honestly with others.

Loki put down his book and stared off squinting as if he was thinking of the perfect answer to your issue.

“What does it feel like?” He said completely ignoring what you just previous said

“Huh?”

“When you tell the truth, it seems like it catches you off guard”

You paused unaware how you would explain the feeling.

“It’s like holding in a sneeze or a hiccup, the long I wait the worse it’s gonna get. It almost feels good, I guess im not very honest in general” You sighed, starting to accept the whole thing all togeter.

Loki smirked at your transparency as it was new for him as well. Your friendship was based off wit and sarcasm which was seemingly impossible for you now. But regardless, Loki noticed something off about you. The lack of engagement in the field was most definitely keeping you down, but it pained him to see you not even enjoy the day to day things you usually bothered him to no end about with your upbeat attitude. Working in the lab, training, even game night yesterday your attitude was completely arwy and he was on a mission to help you return to your normal self.

“You really want to get back in the field?”

You looked at him confused and then shifted into a smile, Loki even as your babysitter always had something up his sleeve.

“What’s in it for you?”

“I don’t know how much longer I can watch you mope around the tower all pathetic like, so really im doing myself a favor”

You smacked his leg that lay off the couch. He smiled, something about this honest version of you got his gears turning, but he held up his helpful facade.

“How”

“It’s really quite simple I canno-“

“Get to the point”

Loki sighed

“We practice.”

You were perplexed at what he was even proposing at first, but as you sat there the idea began to fully sink in.

Loki wants to help you but having you practice fighting a truth serum by asking you deeply personal questions that no one knows the answers to except you? Well what could go wrong!?

Your heartbeat quicken at the thought

“How do we know it will even help? Ya know, to practice.”

“If you really wanted to get back out there it wouldn’t matter”

Loki picked his book back up and smirked from the safety of behind the pages. He figured it was worth a shot exploiting this opportunity of honesty from you but knowing you as a friend, he figured there was no way in hel-

“Ok let’s do it”

The book was dropped from Lokis hands as he sat up in an unusually quick reaction. He stared at you for what felt like minutes, studying you to make sure this wasn’t some prank you playing on him but no, you were for real. He saw the hope in your eyes at this grasping at straws situation, and he knew there was no way he was turning this one down.

“Alright then…” Loki stared at the ceiling as he racked his brain for some intel he could attempt at hoisting out of you.

“How many safe houses does SHIELD have?”

“13-” You cut yourself off with a hitch in your breath followed by a quick hand up to cover your mouth as you swallowed the last number you were about to plainly blurt out.

“Take your attention off the answer and focus on the question”

“What does that even mean”

“Just stop thinking.” Loki sighed. “Give them a answer they can’t use against you.”

You sighed as Loki thought up some more grueling questions.

“What happened at Project Geronimo?”

You went to say something but shut your mouth before any words could escape. You told a deep breath and tighten your jaw as you plainly blurted out

“Stuff”

Loki held back a laugh as you sighed from the relief of an honest yet controlled answer.

“Now that sounds like you, now again”

You chuckled back at Loki as the two of you continued to practice your lying, starting to increase that hope you’ve been given, but something was still holding you back from fully enjoying this moment. Despite this whole truth serum fiasco, you still hadn’t recovered from the emotional trauma of what happened. Usually after a mission like that the team has time to connect and regroup, but this time around you felt like you still had an open wound from what happened, and Loki couldn’t help but take notice too. As the questions went on, so it seeemed did the silliness is Lokis attempt to cheer you up.

“Where is Bucky Barnes?”

“Somewhere!”

“Who is The Elder One?”

“Someone!”

“Who ate Nat’s last brownie?”

“Me!” you opened your eyes that had been closed for concentration and sputtered out a giggle at the obseritity of his question, but he ignored you as he continued to plow through questions

“Who’s your favorite in the tower?”

“Lohoki!”

“What’s your biggest fear?”

“Needles!” You blurted out unable to control your words any longer.

“What is your biggest weakness?”

“Im stubborn! oh that and well im pretty ticklish”

Your eyes shot opened and widened at the afterthought that just escaped your mouth. Loki’s head turned to you as you stared at the carpet you were laying on in hopes that he didn’t hear a word but you knew that was too good to be true. Out of everyone in the tower Peter was the only one to know of your deadly secret because a particular web shooter malfunction but you told him you would kill him if he told anyone, and he believed you. But now you sit here, with the God of Mischief practically salavating at the fact that you revealed your biggest weakness to him personally.

“Oh are you now?”

You swallowed deep as you were pulled from your thoughts by his words and darted your eyes over to your only exit being a hallway that eventually lead to your bedroom. A tight feeling in your chest and stomach began to form as you felt your body attempting to force the answers to Loki’s tease out of you. A simple whimper slipped out instead making you blush as you knew how desperate you looked. Loki on the other hand was now staring you down, his eyes feeling like lasers drilling into you as the smile on his face grew and grew. You finally gathered the courage to speak.

“Sooo there’s no way your gonna believe me if I tell you that was just a really great lie right?” You gave him a side eye, with very little hope that he was going to just dropped the situation.

“Uhhhh nope”

“Good to know”

In a blur you sprung to your feet and made a break for the hallway, but before you took even your second step, you feet were swept out from underneath you by Loki’s leg that hung off of the couch.You landed with your face against the carpet and as you attempt to scramble back to your feet you felt a weight on your back that pushed you back down.

Oh shit

“You really thought you were gonna get away that easy hm?” Loki laughed at the futile attempt.

“No but anythiinghg is behetter than thisis” you fumbled through your giggly words as you squirmed against the god that sat on your back, simply watching in delight as he tormented you without laying a single finger on you.

“Anything really? Gods I can’t believe I didn’t ask about this sooner.” He leaned down to whisper in your ear as he placed a hand around your side. “ It sure does seem to be a weakness” As his words trailed off he left you with a single squeeze to your side, eliciting some bubbly giggles to escape you.

What you were now finding out is that this serum not only made your thoughts and words portray themselves honestly, but also your feelings. Normally during a training session you would never let a cut or bruise distract you, but since the serum, you have had much difficulty masking anything you felt, and it was no different to with Loki’s torment. He found a few more sensitive spots along your sides that erupted you beneath him, unable to hide anything from the trickster, making this situation for you only a million times worse. Loki pleased to see this side of you, began to plot something devious. He lifted his hands off of you to let you calm down as he spoke.

“You know this is actually quite perfect.”

“What do you mean?”

“What better motivation for training than this?” As he finished speaking he wrapped his hands around your rib cage and allow for his fingers to find the gaps in between almost everyone rib. Then all at once he squeezed continuously, sending shockwaves throughout your entire stomach and to your surprise screams and spurts of giggles exploded out of you.

“NonoNOHO LOKI NO WAHAHAy!”

“See! If your able to handle this then Roger’s has to let you back in the field” He dragged his nails along your shoulder blades constantly getting a bit to close to underneath your arms which was beginning to drive you to madness. You did your best to muffle the embarrassing squealish laughing coming from you but you soon realized the carpet below was not great for absorbing sound. You couldn’t see but you had no doubt Loki wore a cheeky grin as he broke you apart.

“Buhuut LOki I cahant hanDLE IT STOHOHOP!”

He had finally wiggled his fingers in between your armpit and your arm that was doing it’s best to keep him from exploiting this sensitive spot of yours but it was too late his fingers were now sandwiched as he squeezed sending you into a squirmish frenzy.

“LOHOAHKI FOHOR REEHEAL NOHOHT FUNNY!”

“Oh you must be mistaken, this is the most fun i’ve had all week.” He weaseled his fingers out from the deadly spot. “Now what else have you been hiding from me hmm?” You stayed silent in knowing that if you opened your mouth you wouldn’t be sure if you would be able to ever close it. Loki sighed

“Ah I guess we will just have to do this the hard way”

“Wait loki what do yo-“

Before you could finish your thought you suddenly felt Loki’s weight shift off of you and you knew this was your only chance. You began to lift your self off the floor but as you got to your knees you felt a large pair of hands once again wrap around your waist and begin rapidly squeezing. Caught so of guard you practically screamed and began wheezing as the ticklish sensations, rendering you helpless. With your body practically limp Loki flipped you over and place you back in the same position prior yet this time your back against the carpet. Loki then released your waist only to then grasp your arms place then underneath you, and then return to his seat right along your waist.

this was so much fucking worse

Now you’d entire stomach was exposed and with your arms trapped underneath you there was no way of concealing your embarrassing reactions to the entire ordeal. Not only that but you could now see his face, meaning every taunt and tease was 10x more flustering. Best friend or not, Loki had this way about him, one that consistently had you flustered wether you cared to admit it or not.

“Now where are you most ticklish y/n?”

You felt your heart come to a full stop. He has got to be kidding. You went to laugh at him but as your mouth opened you found yourself milliseconds away from just admitting the answer right away . Loki watched patiently as you slammed your mouth shut with fastened breath and wide eyes. He was having far to much fun with this.

“You would like to know.” you replied finally getting yourself under control.

“And you would like to tell me”

Loki began to approach your bare stomach with his hands as you met his menacing glare with puppy dog eyes. You were cursing yourself for picking today of all days to wear a sports bra for your lounge wear. When Loki finally made contact with your skin a tingling sensation im your body began. Not enough to make you laugh but definitely enough to confuse you at how it was happening as Lokis hands remained still. But with the intensity increasing those familiar giggles began building up in your throat and it was taking everything in your to hold them back.

“Your last chance for mercy is fleeting young agent would you like to surrender now?”

“give me your wororst asshole” You smirked at him, in some way still having a hand in the fight on the bickering side of things made you feel better, but what you didn’t realize is that it was also about to make the rest of this situation a whole lot worse.

“Ah, ya know, I think you were right about one thing y/n,” He began to flip himself around so that his back was now facing you, you tried to sit up to see exactly what he was planning.

“stubbornness is your biggest weakness”

Suddenly Loki began rapidly squeezing up and down your thighs with malice in his actions. Your legs jolted from the shock and then began thrashing as the sensation was too much for you to handle. A few screams became silent laughter as he found a particularly sensitive spot near the back of your knee.

“Don’t tell me your that ticklish here” His sarcastic tone was followed by scribbles in this newly exploited spot. You sherieked at his attention to this newfound sensitivity.

“No wonder you lie so much you simply can’t handle this”

“STOHOP TAHAHLKING” You did everything you our power to get his hands away from your knee but your weaken state was no match for him.

“Now why on Earth would you wish me to do that”

“I CAHAHANT FUCKING HANEHEDLE YOUR TEHEASING”

Almost immediately Loki halted his hands from their torment and turned back around to face you, as you had now become a shade of red you didn’t think it was possible for a person to be. with your hands still stuck underneath you, you did your best to conceal your embarrassment but there was no point, Loki had already seen everything he needed to.

“Well then, I highly doubt you’ll seem to mind this then” He lifted his hands to make a wiggling motion right above where your side met your back. You shut your eyes in hope to ignore the tease but it was no use as involuntary giggles slipped out regardless, only growing in volume when his hands finally made contact.

“Who knew tough little y/n could be so easily undone with just a few tickles?” Loki pressed on still betting on his taunts to coax more information out of you. He knew what he was doing and more importantly he knew it was working on you. You sat there just accepting the torment for the next few minute or so, weakened more and more with each flutter of Lokis fingers.

“Im no stopping till I get an answer darling, we could be here all day”

So distracted buy his torment you almost completely forgot this was all about your stubbornness to not answer his question which honestly was quite typically of you. But now Loki was again attacking your rib cage, this time with much for vigor then before. It was almost unbearable.

“KNOHOCK IEHET OHOFF!”

“Tell me!” He said with a slight giggle of his own as his hand increased their speed.

“MY HIHIPS! NOHOW STHAHAP”

Loki, now with a statisfised answer removed his hands and allowed you to catch your breath beneath him. As much fun it was for him to watch you laugh and squirm underneath him from his torture, what truly brought a smile to his face was the cheerful relaxed nature you held while regaining your strength. It was the first time he saw you genuinely smile in what felt like months and he felt happy that he could be apart of this moment for you. Once recovered you stared up at him with fear of his wanting to exploit his newfound information but to your surprise he swung his leg around to get off of you and lay down next to you on the carpet. After a minute or two in silence he finally spoke.

“Hm let’s make sure Hydra doesn’t ever find out about this little weakness of yours, or else the entirety of SHEILD is going to be taken down because you’ve got ticklish hips.” He poked you in the side whilst laying next to you, causing you to jump.

“Shut up” You thumped the back of his head” “I cannot believe you just did that” You turned your head away from him as the embarrassment of the situation was now all catching up with you whilst you rubbed your ribs in an attempt to get the tickly feeling to dissipate.

“What, your going to sit here and tell me you didn’t enjoy that” Loki smirked still amused with himself.

“No I did but-“

You once again cut yourself off as you whispered a swear underneath your breath only to then burrying your face into the carpet hoping that that would somehow erase what you just said. But, it was simply the truth coming forward and Loki could tell.

“Oh im sorry, would you mind repeating that dear?”

“Shut the fuck up Loki”

“Ooo feisty,” He smirked. “hm guess I’ll have to find out myself”

Loki lurched over at you and wrapped his hands around your hipbones. As soon as his fingers dipped into the hollow spot where your hips met your waist you were already gone. Your head was thrown back but your body went limp under the Loki’s torturous touch that sent what felt like a vibrating electrical current through your body. Your laughter went silent within seconds as Loki sped up and slowed down squeezes on your hips, driving you into what felt like a ticklish coma. Finally he released you only for you to curl up in a ball, still giggling from the torment you just endured.

“Are you going to tell me the truth or are we going to do this all night?”

You finally composed yourself after a minute or two of trying to contain some arwy giggles. You took a deep breath and looked up at the celing as you spoke honestly

“I thihink it helps me”

“Helps you with what?”

“Anxiety relief, stress, whatever is fogging my mind. When Im laughing and with the people I trust i-it seems to take everything I was worrying about and put it into perspective.” color returned to your cheeks once again. “I think that’s why I torment everyone, Im rea-reallly just looking ffor attention. Loki could tell this was a new thing for you to share and that it was difficult for you to process, but he could also see the relief it was bringing you to finally tell someone.

“You do realize I will never turn down an offer to do this right?”

You sighed at his comment and Loki was taken aback by that response.

“That’s the issue, I can’t ask for it”

“Why not?”

You looked up and pondered the core of that question.

“One that’s like weird, I don’t know” You gave it a deeper thought and it came to you

“I can’t control my self preservation instinct. If I have the opportunity to escape it, I will.”

Loki finally understood the entire picture. He looked over at you as you held a defeated look on your face which he could not bear to whiteness.

“Come here”

Loki held his arms open as he sat up on the floor with his back against the couch.

Loki wants to give you a hug? Huh there really is a first for everything

Trying to remain unphased by the rarity of the site, you took him up on the embrace, allowing yourself to be embraced by him. You felt protected and an odd sense of care from the God that you hadn’t seen before but you weren’t complaining about it.

“Don’t ever feel weird when you need something. Im always going to be there for you,whether your honest with me or not” He smiled and finally released you from his embrace.

“Don’t be getting all mopey on me now, that’s Thor’s job” you smiled and so did he, seeming as though you were beginning to feel like yourself again. Truth serum or not you now knew two things

Never wear a sports bra outside of training in case of surprise attacks.

Loki was one you could trust to look out for you, even if that meant he had to tickle the shit out of you to do it.

[lunawritesaa]

I HAVE WAITED SO LONG OMG can i request C, K, O on the fluff alphabet for sherlock and barok? thank you!!

haha im glad! i hope that you enjoy nonny!

slight warning: one of the prompts mentions panic attacks !

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-> herlock sholmes

c omfort - how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

herlock may be a very overwhelming and loud person, but the second he needs to get serious he's dead serious. if you need comfort, he will provide the best comfort you could ever ask for.

sits and listens to your problems fully and only provides advice if you'd like. he's here to help if you want him, but he will also back off if you don't.

if you're having a panic attack or something similar, his attention is only on you. he'll remove you from the situation and take you somewhere quiet in hopes it helps calm you down.

he'll sit with you however long you need. the great detective's love always comes first.

k iss - are they a good kisser? what was the first kiss like?

when you first started dating he wasn't a bad kisser, he just needs some guidance. he definitely needed a bit of practice to fully get the hang of it.

so the first kiss is a bit sloppy, but nothing short of passionate and loving. there's definitely some teeth clashes but he puts his heart and soul into it and you can definitely tell.

once he gets better at it he is a master at making you weak at the knees just with kisses. they're always packed full of all of his love for you!

o n cloud nine - what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious for others? how do they express their feelings?

like a kid on candy. he's all giddy and happy all the damn time. he seems to perk up ten times more whenever you enter the room and his gaze is always fixated on you.

it is super obvious to everyone that he is in love with you. though, he doesn't really go out of his way to hide his emotions.

sholmes expresses his feelings with his actions. he isn't super flirty and his mannerisms definitely speak louder than his words.

he likes buying you gifts and attempting to make you dinner! anything that he knows will make you smile.

-> barok van zieks

c omfort - how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

barok loves you dearly. however, he is emotionally constipated when it comes to giving comfort. he tries, but he often struggles to know what to do.

he tries to remember what his brother did for him when he got upset and do the same. he'll ask you to talk it out, but if not then he'll just sit with you and hold your hand until you feel better.

if you're having a panic attack or such he is even more unsure as to what to do. he'll most likely hold you close and try to talk you through it.

his comfort mostly comes in the form of him physically being there and ready to help you with whatever you ask of him.

k iss - are they a good kisser? what was the first kiss like?

somehow, yes. he has dated absolutely no one before you so it is kind of a surprise how well he is at it. he's a very soft and gentle kisser.

the first kiss was sweet! he let you lead it because he didn't really know what to do, but he's a quick learner. he does his best to just act on his instincts and let that lead him.

like sholmes, he learns over time and gets better with practice. he slowly becomes more comfortable with the gesture and starts initiating kisses more often.

o n cloud nine - what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious for others? how do they express their feelings?

if he is interested in you you are going to have no idea. he acts relatively the same around you as he does everyone else, only slightly softer.

lots of staring. he stares at you any opportunity he gets.

it won't be obvious at all. you might get a suspicion because he sometimes gets a bit blushy around you. but that is all. he really pushes his feelings deep down inside him and isn't very obvious about it.

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

[siriusblackloml]

🍯 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲 ... give me a line from your favorite book + a character of your choice and i’ll write a blurb about it! (please specify if you’d like SFW or NSFW)

listen i'm gonna milk you for all the tom riddle content i can because there's a sore lack of it on this site and also this ask is super fun.

"I am selfish. I am cruel. My mate cannot be less than I." - Deathless by Cathrynne M. Valente

thanks for leaving a request!~ for more context im setting this in an au where you follow tom into the chamber! (SFW)

the coldness of the cave envelopes your body in a deadly chill. the sound of water dripping echoes off the walls and hits your chest with a pang that physically hurts. you observe tom as he walks closer to you, glancing at the snake heads that line the walls. they only emphasized just how serious this situation was.

as sincere as he looked, tom's steps were graceful and practically full of joy. had he been anticipating your arrival? before he says anything, you whisper, "w-what are you doing down here? tom, what is this place?"

he brings his energetic walk to a halt just a few feet away from you, eyes lighting up at your curious question. "this is important, y/n. this is where everything is going to change."

your bottom lip wavers and tears line your eyes. "you're scaring me, tom. i don't know what's going on but it needs to stop."

"NO! no! it does not need to...listen, y/n. you have no idea what power we could possess if we worked together. you're the brightest student i have ever met besides myself and it only proves my hypothesis to be more true than ever." he exclaims, the yelling making you jump slightly.

he keeps talking, explaining his plan, but you start to drown it out at the realization of how cruel he is. you feel nothing but a strong shiver down your spine as he finishes. you blink away tears that threaten to spill and gulp silently. you mumble, "you're selfish, tom. completely selfish."

there's no emotion on tom's face as he takes another step forward, then another, and another. his hand reaches out and takes hold of your shoulder to truly grasp your attention. you want to tell him to go away, but your body instinctively melts under his touch. he tells you, "yes, i am selfish. i am cruel. but my mate cannot be less than i. y/n, you must join me. together, we'll change the world into something so much greater than what it already is."

your head is throbbing with pain due to all of the information. trying to trudge through this exhausted state, you finally respond. "fine..."

you couldn't care less at this point. tom smiles eagerly and pulls you in for a soft embrace, whispering in your ear, "you're not going to regret this."

[yoshkeii]

"𝚄𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚍."

࿐ character(s): Daishou Suguru, Atsumu Miya, Sakusa Kiyoomi

࿐ genre: angst

࿐ type: headcanons (hcs)

࿐ requested by: dumpsterfireinc

⌦ find the continuation here;-  “𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎.”

⌦ tw/mentions ; yelling, arguments, swearing/curses, cheating (atsumu’s)

⌦  male!reader (he/him)

⌦ 'can I ask for hcs for Daishou, Atsumu, and Sakusa having a really heated argument with male s/o. During the argument the boys say something really mean to their s/o that s/o starts to cry. Before the boys could start apologizing s/o just blurts out that he wishes he never met them and leaves.’

A/N: (i changed it slightly if you dont mind-) we got three new bois im writing for, lets hope i get their personality right. so i apologize in advanced if they seem ooc! (youcantellwhereihalfassedshitimsosorry-)

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚞:

→ the argument probably started with his slight manipulative personality and mocking sense of humor, it usually didn’t get to you but lately it has been hitting too close to home. letting it slide with the silence of your voice and change of mood each time.

→ coming back home you didn’t know it would evolve into this, but Daishou Suguru, your boyfriend of 2 years. noticed it and decided to question you.

→ the air was tensed within the shared home you two lived in, it was suffocating despite the room being open and wide. hearing the dark-olive hair male behind you, who was clearly speaking to you. hearing words that you couldn’t comprehend to be anything but venomous.

→ each word stung like a snakes bite. ironic for his previous school’s mascot.

→ Daishou had kept going on, stabbing at you word after word.

→ “You’ve been acting weird all day, what’s up with that?” “..even recently you’ve been off.” “hey are you even-”

→ before Dai could even finish he heard you raise your voice, seeing your hand clench around the doorknob of your guys’ shared rooms.

→ “WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP FOR JUST A SECOND!?” “ YOU..Y-you.. should damn well know w-why I’m acting ‘weird’ and shit, babe.” “You know those- those mocks and insults- you- you fucking call ‘jokes’ aren’t really jokes. Daishou.”

→ your eyes kept low with the casting shadow from the lack of lights in the hall. but the shakiness of your voice signaled something in him, but his stupid pride wouldn’t let down.

→ “Are you serious right now, y/n? We’ve been dating for fucking almost 3 years and now they get to you-” “..really ridiculous of you.” 

→ it went off afterwards. just the words being said at each other with such emotion, none of you have seen each other like this... well.. not towards one another. it was just foreign and strange.

→ “you’re such a sensitive crybaby, fucking christ y/n.” “and if those weren’t jokes, you’d still damn take it like nothing.”

→ freezing as soon the words slipped out from his lips, it grew densely silent. your hand slipping off the doorknob, gaze lowering down onto the floor. only focusing in on the shoes kept on.

→ “..h-hey, babe- i- didn’t-” Daishou realized the words he said, it may not be harmful to most, but knowing you. he knew you hated being called anything of the such, even the shit he decided to add made his heart ache with regret.

→ watching you hurry off towards the front door, to supposedly leave, he grabbed your wrist. before you whacked his hand away, 

→ “D-dont fucking touch me. I don’t w-wanna... fuckin hear it. Not now. Or even ever.” “..i should’ve never met you, i was damn stupid enough to think this will last longer with that- dare you did.” “..you probably never loved me.”

→ watching you slip off outside in the night, he didn’t know what to do. hands clenching into fists, as he heard your steps fade away and into silence. the air was more tensed, more suffocating. his mind was clouded with something unfamiliar to him.

→ ‘..how did he know about that.’ 

𝙰𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚞:

→ you always had a sneaking suspicion. you always did. that instinctive feeling ;lm, jn your gut that you should’ve trusted. it was dumb of you to push it away because of the hope you had. well... false hope.

→ you always caught him not at the spot after his practice, the usual spot. always questioning his team to know where he could’ve ran off, they all gave off a shrug and sometimes a slight assumption you followed. leading somewhere more secluded and hidden, to avail to not find him.

→ stumbling back to the previous spot you seem him slink his way at the same time from around a corner... or somewhere. waving up at him and happily greeting him with the usual smile and hug, you question how his hair looked more ruffled and messed up. as if hurried and ruffled up. Atsumu giving a silly excuse of whatever, you shrugged it off. continuing on with the rest of your days together.

→ this would continue a few times. but different things would seem off about him every time, and you took note. occasionally questioning again, before being shot down with an excuse. taking in it again just to not escalate things.

→ as time passed. you began to grow assumptions, noticing how distance he was becoming, having ‘plans’ already up which were not with you, and he often came home late from it. or not, and came home the next day. not even the morning.

→ sitting on the bed of your shared room, you stared idly at the buzzing phone on the nightstand. ‘..’tsumu’s phone is going off.’ as curiosity grew the longer it went on, your boyfriend was in the shower so it wouldn’t be too much of a harm right?

→ peering over to look at the illuminated screen, you blankly stared at the text messages. reading the messages word for word and slowly, ‘..who..’ 

→ staring at the messages and the sender, you knew it was someone who had a liking of your boyfriend... should you even call him that now?

→ swiping the phone from its original position you just watched the messages keep going till it stops to the recent time. you didn’t open the app, but just merely stare at the name. it had a cute nickname and all, similarly to yours. mind becoming hazy and clouded, you didn’t know how long you were staring at Atsumu’s phone till his raising voice snapped you out of the trance.

→ flinching as he snatched his phone away from your hands, you stared up at the fake blonde who had just gotten out of the shower simply wearing nothing but casual sweats with a damp towel hanging off his shoulder. 

→ “Hey! y/n why were ya’ staring at my damn phone?” his gaze was ironed onto you, meeting your [e/c] eyes. you could tell he was furious and he was getting ticked off by each silent second you let by. “not gonna speak? are ya braindead or something honey?”

→ seeing you softly mutter words but it was too quiet to hear, almost like a whisper. but besides the way it was heard, the words itself were not light and gentle.

→ “..why did you cheat..” 

→ a sudden jolt hit him, “..c-cheat? I didn’t cheat on ya’ baby, what are you talking about?” he lied.

→ “now.. you’re lying to me... ‘tsumu.” the softness of your tone was quite concerning, it was saddened and dismal. the building of tears daring to fall any second, you just stared at him with the distraught expression.

→ “What? I’m not ly-” before the fake blonde could slip out the rest of the word, you jumped in.

→ “You are LYING, Miya. Stop acting like you aren’t.” quickly standing up and moving to the side.

→ “How did you even know?” he yelled back, knowing it was worthless to keep up his lies and fake pretending.

→ “Those damn texts-??” you pointed towards his phone that his fist was holding. “..a-are you stupid?” the wavering of your voice made you regret speaking, but it was inevitable and shittier if you left your feelings unsaid.

→ Atsumu’s thick brows furrowed down, “Wait- So you’re telling me ya snooped on my phone?! The fuck is wrong with you!” “..can’t I have some privacy? can’t I!? Y/n!?” he snapped back.

→ “What’s.. wrong with me? With ME-? Miya..” averting your gaze for a quick second, you looked back as you poked him roughly, “..you have been.. been- fucking.. Cheating on me this whole time. A-and.. I know you have been-! Those times you’ve been slipping off after practice. you leaving off to ‘hang out’ with friends? What a fucking. load. of. bullshit. Miya.”

→ tears were dripping down from your eyes, before you bit down your lip for the next response. while the blonde could only stared in silence, conflicted.

  → “I-..I really thought you loved me, that whole time.. really did. and i was a damn fool to have such hopes.” you had hurriedly rushed off to leave the room, the quick muttering of an foreign phrase stabbed his heart.

→ “..i should’ve never met you either.”

→ he didn’t know what to do, but hearing the click of the front door opening and shutting accompanied by your running steps that faded. he knew you weren’t coming back. all he did was stand there in distraught, confusion, troubled, everything.

→ ‘what do i do now..’

𝚂𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚜𝚊:

→ he wouldn’t be the physical affection type person, but at times, you were an exception. knowing you liked to cuddle, gives hugs, and all that jazz. it often took a lot persuasion for him to get to cuddle whenever you had a chance too, having a schedule that often didnt mesh well.

→ so it wasn’t a big deal if it ended up into a confrontation about it, occasionally small arguments. but this one was unexpected, especially to you.

→ hearing Sakusa walk in your shared home, you looked over from your position in the kitchen. giving him a soft welcome home, asking “Hey, Omi! How was your day?”

→ “..pretty irritating.” he muttered from under his mask, pulling it down under his chin as he took off his shoes.

→ instinctively you walked over to hug him at least, but he steered away quickly. obviously denying it without a word. blinking at him, you took the sign and stepped away, apologizing softly under your breath.

→ you were having an off day yourself, some things weren’t going so well for you during the day till you got home. hoping you’d have some time with your boyfriend, wanting to cuddle and maybe a hug at least knowing how he is. 

→ “..I-..uh.. do you wanna cuddle after you shower or-” Sakusa interrupted you bluntly and rather quickly, “no.”

→ only biting down the rest of your words, you softly nodded. seeing him drift off into your shared room, supposedly gonna rinse up. sighing as you went off to do your own thing to wait, hoping he’ll feel a little better for the offer again.

→ he doesn’t.

→ raising your arms up to him as he walked out of the bathroom door, he doesn’t bat an eye towards you. making your heart ache slightly, “..omi? are you okay?” you began to follow him shortly behind into your bedroom.

→ “..didn’t i say i was irritated earlier.” he stiffly said, slipping on a shirt as he did.

→ “i-..i mean yeah but.. are you at me? I’m- uhh.. also having a bad day too y’know.” “i wanted to be with you.”

→ the air was dense. even if there was barely any physical aggression and irritation it would make you cower. as it settled down longer, Sakusa muttered something. it was so clear as day in the suffocating silence.

→ “you’re really so selfish you know that.” “..matches your clingy attitude.”

→ ‘he didn’t care. he didn’t.’ is all you could think of. it just rushed 

→ “..you think I’m selfish?” you repeated, your hands tightening around the edge of your long sleeves. nails almost digging into your palm. “do you really think that.” your soft and gentle demeanor faded quickly.

→ the wavy haired male turn to look at you, seeing your head and gaze kept low and averted from his. seeing your clenching hands, almost penetrated your own skin. instantly regretting his words. 

→ “y/n- I- really didn’t-..” stopping himself he sees the dripping tears fall onto the floor, then your sniffles.

→ “Just- just shut up. I n-need space..” already slipping pass and out the door, he went to go after you yelling out your name. seeing you freeze at the doorway, about to slip on a coat and shoes.

→ “..Sakusa. Just drop it. I don’t- wanna deal with this right now. You.. you made my.. day far worse.”

→ ‘he said.. my last name. not... not my first. shit.’ biting back what else to say, he stood there silently. watching you put on a pair of shoes before rushing off out into the cold.

→ silent fights and arguments is what scares y/n the most. it happens quite often but this was the most suffocating one by far, ruining his day. and his mind. letting the negative overwhelm him more. letting Sakusa’s word stuck in his brain on replay.