#i would have had at the very least a giant mess to clean up

[greyias]

🙃

Purina apparently discontinued and then reformulated the only canned food I've found so far that Griffin's extraordinarily sensitive tummy can tolerate, adding one of his potential worst allergens to nearly the top of the formulation list. I have sent a Karen-like e-mail to Purina, and am now having to have five million tabs open on different pet food websites to put the ingredient lists of everything under a microscope to try and find something remotely close.

[evilminji]

*evil grin of The Ponderings™*

You know who DEFINITELY would have Unfinished Business?

Heroes. Professional "If I could just MOVE, just fight a BIT LONGER, save ONE MORE PERSON" Heroes. It's the ultimate and unending Unfinished Business. To protect people. Not just their friends, their co-workers, but the innocent people around them.

That kid, stuck crying in the rubble.

That business man, screaming in pain, caught in the cross fire.

The People NEED them. They SWORE. Their very SOULS burn with the NEED to help. But... the flesh gave out. Injuries. Age. Quirk overuse. They knew... they KNEW, this was not a safe line of work... but... but! Please! Just one more person! Why can't they just make their breaking, dying, bodies MOVE!

Of course they refuse to move on.

They are needed HERE.

Yet? Their hands pass through. Their voices do not reach. A hell of their own, unknown, making. They can't let go, but they can't HELP either. There isn't enough Ectoplasm here. The walls of their reality overly patched up, since that unfortunate leak a few centuries back.

After all, the Zone had dumped near lethal quantities of unfiltered Ecto into the atmosphere. They're STILL dealing with the mutations and fall out, aren't they? At least, they are according to the Zone. (Wtf is a "Quirk"?) And, yeah, someone should PROBABLY do an assessment on the ecological recovery of the Reality. But like?

Do you have any idea how few people have an Obsession for stuff like that? Wait your turn! The list is long and you're not fuckin special, okay? The agents are BUSY.

Now, you might wonder? Wait. If they aren't moving on. Are DEFINITELY Ghosts. Starving as they are. Refusing to die as they may be. Wouldn't... Wouldn't that leave the whole ass area around their Reality an ecological dead zone? If it got over patched and no Ghosts LEFT, thus noticed, and started to try and work on it from the outside? Assuming the COULD?

Yeah. Yeah it would be!

It's called the "New Wastes"!

There used to be some cool Lairs around there. But there was a turf dispute. Someone DID something. Punched a HOLE. And everyone re-died. It was fixed but never quite re-healed. Portals... don't show up there? For some reason? Meh. Wanna brawl?

No. Danny's curious. He wants ANSWERS.

It's his fatal flaw.

Well... that and his inability to keep his mouth shut. But he likes to think he's funny. So... off he goes! And MAN! Does it feel funky out there! Weird textures. Mmmm, Don't Like THAT ™. It's probably a King thing? The Zone here... FEELS wrong.

Not... the way it's SUPPOSED to be shaped, if that makes sense?

And? It feels... if you sorta squint? Like... a LOT of people AREN'T where they should be. But aren't gonna leave until they're READY. Ooof. Great. Someone messed up again. Why does he KEEP FINDING bits and pockets that need straightening out? Unruffling? It's like he has to keep smooth out this giant peice of fabric with all these stains on it. Clean the messes on it.

He feels more like a maid then a King.

Maybe he is?

Pretty sure he's more of a nanny, since the Zone is more of a whiny yet excitable toddler then anything else. Alright, let him in. And fix... whatever THAT is.

So he steps into the Reality and? Huh. Japan. Neat. He always meant to go, never got around to it. Why is that man an otter?

.......oooohohooo, this place was HELLA fucked up by Ectoplasm, wasn't it? This is multi generational exposure. It's in the air. The water, ground, buildings. But stale to the point of stagnation. That can't be healthy. At least a few people he sees have developed ecto-resistance, thank the Ancients.

Danny discovers there are? "Superheroes"? Or just... heroes, apparently. They sell shampoo lines and athletic gear. Villians are petty criminals and psychopaths. All lumped together. He gets fuckin CHASED by the COPS and half the cities spandex patrol, called a "villian" (you know, like the purse snatchers and the DUDE WHO TRIED TO OPEN FIRE ON A CROWD) for flying around trying to assess the situation. Not speaking Japanese fast enough.

Soooorry! He TRIED to answer your confusing barked demands! This isn't his native language! He's translating through Ghost Speech! He knows it sounds unsettling to the living! It's the best he's GOT, man! (Asshole)

He escapes, obviously, because he's not 14 anymore. And honestly? He could top 200mph or so AT 14. He's only gotten faster. Intangible flight means no wind drag, motherfuckers~! OR need to dodge buildings! HA. Try to follow him through THE GROUND!

A few Blob sucked (to remove the ectoplasm) bits of treasure later? And he leaves a pawn shop with local currency. Thank YOU shady pawn shop! Ask him no questions, he'll tell you not lies. Enjoy Pariah's gold.

He does tourist things. Buy foods he's never tried, wanders around. Sees what's needed. Noticed a lot of people struggle with some aspect of the ecto-mutations brought on by the extreme Limnality. Need accessibility aids.

.....well, he IS a Fenton. His parents would disown him on the SPOT if he left with out at least TRYING to help. So he tracks down one the local ghosts. He'll need a guide or two.

He? VASTLY underestimates how desperate a sea of Obsession Starved Hero and Vigilante Ghosts will act, the INSTANT, they realize not only someone can see them... but it's? Their "Boss"? They aren't sure HOW they know that. But they DO. It's THE Boss. Here to help them! Asking for HELP ™ from THEM!

Yes

YES THEY CAN DO THAT

He gets swarmed. Hundreds of ghosts fighting over each other. Shouting. Turning on each other like rabid animals. All worn down and ragged by their Obssesion starvation. He's forced to shout over them.

And? Holy shit, these are only the ones from THIS CITY, too.

Thank Zone, again, he's no longer 14. That he has friends who are Rulers ™ that taught him HOW to Rule. To delegate. Pretend he TOTALLY knows what he's doing. That every action is on purpose.

It takes less then two hours, with all the experienced Unground Heros help, to make himself a Real Boy and buy a building. Put himself into the correct databases. He officially has licenses for things he's never studied. Is a tax paying citizen. Even belongs to several local clubs.

Over the next few days? He sets up his new... oi! Quickdraw! What're they called again? Right. "Lifestyle Support Company" which? Is a dumb name. But, Fenton Works is Fenton Works. Somehow he always kinda knew he'd be inherenting. It's in a cruddy part of town and the prices are cheap as he can safely get um.

He already had two customers, even though half the building isn't even fully set up. Which? I mean... he gets it. Poor guy. Knives for hands. Sharp ones too. The other guy's Obsession made him emotionally react to colors and like three different ones were ruining his life. So, hand Prosthetics controllable by knives and color filtering wrap around glasses.

Took him a lunch break or two.

Changed THEIR lives.

Suddenly his shop is packed. Schedule screaming for relief. And the ghosts? Getting more tangible by the day. See, his work shop? Ecto proofed. Let's him relax. But it ALSO let's him radiate fresh, clean, Ecto out into the air. And as King? With a direct line to The Zone? He puts out a lot.

There start to become Sightings.

People who SWEAR they saw long dead Heros out of the corner of their eyes. Dead vigilantes. That was who through that bottle. Who tripped that thug at just the right moment. Who unlocked the door. The SWEAR. They aren't crazy!

And... at first? Brushed off. Stress does a lot of crazy thing to a person, ma'am. But? How do you brush off, making eye contact with your dead best friend? Your old mentor on the other roof? That vigilante, who you WATCHED bleed out? Can you brush them off... when a vigilante from the dawn of quirks, punches some two bit villian on live television? Calls the Heros on the scene gloryhounds? Goverment dogs?

Runs from the cops and vanishes into thin air?

When this shit KEEPS HAPPENING?

Is spreading?

Are... are you supposed to arrest them for illegal vigilantism? How? They're THE proto-Heros! You don't want your name tied to that! The HPSC is furious. The goverment is uneasy. There are like... 6 dudes and a lady, openly stalking some kid in UA. Trying to mentor him. He looks moments away from a nervous breakdown.

Us too, kid. Us too.

All? While Danny? Is just sitting in his lil shop. Tinkering. Not HIS problem. Gotta let the ghosts here get it out of their system. Get their Obsession's full. Then it's all aboard the Zone Train. He's just here to make sure no one does anything "Too Crazy".

What's HIS definition of "too crazy"?

Wouldn't YOU like to know, weather boy~☆

@hdgnj @lolottes @nerdpoe @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @spidori @the-witchhunter @legitimatesatanspawn

[sirfrogsworth]

hi hi!!!

I'm a CFX artist (I do hair and cloth for 3D animated movies) and I wanted to clarify something!!

the encanto post? we talked about that one at length at work when it was first made, and it is incredibly evident that the guy who posted it is just bad at his job. the exact same effect can be archieved by changing the camera focal length- but animators never reach for technically competent solutions. (this is a roast.) and even if thats not possible, there is NO reason for why her shoulder area or chest are completely crushed or why her feet are inside of her hip bone.

and also, since I am in the department that comes right after animation- if I had gotten that shot, I would have either sent it straight back to the animator to fix it, OR cleaned it up myself, by which I mean it absolutely did not look like this off-camera by the time we send it for final light render.

essentially if animation looks that messed up off-camera, it is not "animation magic", it is actually someone doing a bad job.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree.

For one thing, the behind the scenes image was not close to a final render so I don't think you can fairly judge what was probably just the animator lining up and blocking the shot. I don't think at that state they were concerned with the shoulders, chest, and feet. I'm betting the final polished version looked much better.

And I also disagree the exact effect could be achieved by changing the focal length.

As a photographer, focal length is not just about cramming everything into the field of view. I don't only use a wide angle because I want more stuff in the photo.

It is also an artistic decision.

Wide angle lenses exaggerate distance and can make foreground objects seem massive and background objects seem tiny.

Look at this super wide angle shot of Otis lusting after a tennis ball.

The ball has a huge presence in the photo. It is only two feet away, but the distance between them seems immense. The ball takes up as much space in the photo as Otis.

Compare that to the ball in this telephoto image.

The picture now becomes less about the ball and more about the act of chasing it. The ball is literally only a foot closer to Otis, but it has no commanding presence like in the super wide shot.

So what artistic intention comes from using a telephoto lens like in Encanto?

Telephoto focal lengths compress distance. Background objects appear much larger in the frame. They also flatten the face and give a more flattering perspective of said face. Human faces can look a bit alien at wider focal lengths.

So what if you want the background to look large and encompassing and you want the flattering facial proportions from a telephoto lens, but you also want a foreground object to have a commanding presence like the ball?

You cheat!

This is not a technique confined to the world of 3D animation though. It is actually an old live-action trick. They will actually use another person's hands to do effectively the same thing as above.

In Hellboy II, Guillermo had two problems. He wanted a telephoto feel and depth of field and he also wanted a very intricate practical egg prop that could open mechanically.

To get the proportions and the framing and the feel of the shot as intended, he double cheated!

He made a big freaking egg with a big freaking fake hand.

(I know there is a picture of the giant hand somewhere but my googling failed me.)

In any case, I think this is just a case of good problem solving over incompetence. I think the director or the animation lead wanted this scene to fit within a specific focal length and it was easier and more efficient to just give her crazy long arms.

I'm not trying to dispute your expertise or animation-splain. Perhaps there was a better way to achieve the same look. But if the final result looked good, I don't think we need to bash someone who was probably under tight deadlines and had a lot of other work to complete. At least not without a lot more information.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 10

Maximum Loser

Welcome back to Fantasy High where the Abernant sisters are having sandwiches in front of the burnt ruins of their old mansion. You know, normal sibling activities! As we learned last week, Aelwyn is working for Kipperlilly (Adaine calls her Cottoncandy Bitchfuck which is one of my faves just for the levels of obvious disdain and degrees of separation from the original name) and Adaine wants all the info ASAP. Here is a rundown of what Aelwyn tells her (along with speculation on my part):

KP seems to be loaded in a way that isn’t connected to her parents' jobs (Dad is a realtor and mom is a clerk for the treasurer’s office). [Could she possibly be getting the money from her party member with a rich dragon ancestor? And could she be using her mom’s government job to get inside info somehow?]

KP has been employing Aelwyn as her “arcane errand girl”. She’s basically been getting her magical contraband which Aelwyn figures are spell components. Adaine asks why their party wizard Oisin can’t just do it and Aelwyn says that KP was very adamant about him being “protected”. [Does that mean protected as in not in trouble so he doesn’t get expelled and mess up their party comp or protected as in “I don’t want him to know what I’m doing because he wouldn’t approve”?]

KP never had Aelwyn steal a cloud rider engine for her but she did have Aelwyn download schematics for one which she thinks was so that it would be on her browser history not KP’s. [Aelwyn, do NOT get framed for this girl’s crimes I’m BEGGING you.]

Similarly, KP never texts Aelwyn any info. They always talk in person so she keeps clean at least on paper. 

There are two specific things that Aelwyn had to procure that were kind of hard to find because they’re more divine than arcane: Devil’s Nectar and Ambrosia. [We don’t learn what the properties of those are exactly but they seem pretty clearly to be the divine and infernal versions of the same thing. Maybe they can make a god or a devil? Sounds like it’s part of the resurrection plan–or maybe they want to raise a new god?]

Anyway, Aelwyn promises to shoot Adaine a text the next time KP reaches out to her so she can spy via scrying (I'm reminded of Spy, Tongue, Curse again). She also shows Adaine her tiny apartment full of senior cats and microwave dinner trays that’s sorely in need of a deep clean. Adaine invites her to swing by Mordred to get her laundry done and maybe hang out and Aelwyn seems tentatively receptive, even though the aggressive positivity of the house and its residents (who she does ultimately care about) majorly grates on her. 

[Also! Not plot relevant but their relationship progress is in full swing with open “I love yous”, only slightly undercut “I believe in yous”, and kisses blown as they say goodbye. I’m trying to be super streamlined with this recap so I can get it finished on time but I had to at least quickly mention how delighted I was by this scene which I have watched so many times. They’re doing it! Sisters!]

We next cut over to Riz who is in the car with his mom and he’s so so so over this whole semester. He keeps talking about everything that’s going on with the bored, anxious, almost whiny, but mostly resigned tone that makes her pull over and force him into a nap. Here are the mystery relevant bits of their conversation pre and post nap:

Sklonda’s case was defending a married firbolg couple–Alonso and Hespia Loam. Frosty Faire was supposed to be held at their farm but then they were accused of embezzling and the event pulled. [Firblog are giant-kin if that matters.]

They maintained their innocence and Sklonda believed them. The case was actually going to be a slam dunk because they found forgeries and docs submitted on their behalf. But then they got murdered so the case was over. [Forgeries and docs submitted on their behalf reminds me of Lucy’s god change form.]

Sklonda thought this case was strange because there’s no financial incentive to frame the loams. [Sounds like the motive could have been just moving the festival to a different location to me.]

The reason they were under suspicion was that amounts of money matching what was embezzled from Frosty Faire were deposited into the Loams' account but Sklonda was able to show that that was all bogus and that the Loams didn’t even use online banking and that a Bastion City VPN was involved. But again, before they could track that down beyond “somewhere in Solace” it got shut down due to the murders (which the cops are now investigating btw but this is a Brennan story so how useful will they really be? [This is also giving me KP vibes but in fairness, that girl is just suspicious.]

Lola Embers is the one who recommended the move from Loam Farms to the Thistlespring Tree. [A possible Ruben request since he’s her client?]

Riz also tells Sklonda all about what’s going on with the demon stuff and the Lucy stuff and the campaign stuff. Sklonda is concerned about the demon stuff but she’s honestly more concerned about Riz breaking his back and losing sleep over Kristen’s campaign. She’s very fired up and a bit incredulous that he’d work so hard for his friends who, from her POV, are always slightly bullying him (“Your name isn’t The Ball. It’s Riz!”). And, while she’s on it, he would be a great candidate himself! Riz assures her that their dynamic is fine and then worries her again right away by saying he’s absolutely gonna check out the crime scene. She sighs deeply and says they can check it out together because she knows she’s not talking her son out of it. (She also says she’ll try and get some info from her old co-workers but again, cops in a Brennan world so we’ll see how useful they are.)

Post Grix exploding, Jace hosts an impromptu assembly: Things are bad y’all! With Aguefort gone and Grix blown up (not to mention Yolanda dead), they’re getting to the point where it’s not clear that the school will be able to continue functioning. 

The whole cleric track is going pass/fail which none of the Rat Grinders seem to have strong reactions to (Ruben smirks and Buddy looks confused, but the rest look bored or unfazed). This news especially sucks for Freshmen and Sophomores who won’t be able to take the Last Stand exam Porter mentioned in an earlier episode. Some upperclassmen who maybe weren’t doing so hot (like Max and his party) look kinda stoked. Fig does insight on Jace and her roll is low (5) but he seems like he’s sincerely stressed about this unforeseen situation. 

Post assembly, Hilariel calls Fig (after 18 missed calls to Fabin’s phone which is on Do Not Disturb) to invite everyone over to spend The Lunar Yulenear (fantasy Christmas) with them (and also inform her that Gilear’s string of good luck is still going strong. He cracked his back while limboing and grained 2 inches in height!). Fig turns that into invites for everyone at Mordred (including Aelwyn who is a wanted criminal in Falinel and Sandra-Lynn who is Gilear’s unfaithful ex–wild crew). Fabian wants the chance to talk to his mom but by the time Fig hands over the phone, she’s already hung up. 

Riz fills everyone in on the Loam Farms situation and Gorgug worries that the soil at his house is corrupted now. Adaine reminds everyone that Fig is still super cursed and they should probably start looking into that soon. Kristen and Fig get naked for no reason so we’re gonna move on from that to Fabian getting a text from Mazey. Apparently she's just gotten some big news and she doesn’t know exactly who to talk to. He rushes away from his naked friends as quickly as he can (so valid) and goes to meet up with her. (While he’s en route, Riz wonders if the RG’s killed rats were being killed sacrificially and Fig wonders if Lucky FROSTblade had anything to do with the FROSTyfolk festival). 

Fabian meets up with Mazey who congratulates him for killing Grix since he mega-sucked and was shooting nets at kids. Then, she says that she knows that Fabian and his party have kinda always had the school’s back over the past few years and she trusts him which is why she’s telling him what she’s about to say. Remember how anything Aguefort says, even as a bit, is canon? Well, apparently he said once in an email that if there’s no principal then the school becomes a democracy and the student body president becomes principal. Fabian is baffled: surely the vice principal would become principal, right? But no. The system is set up so that there’s always one all powerful principal and one VP who is supposed to be Kalvaxus (remember, he was supposed to be imprisoned there forever). So she’d have to take classes (has to be a student enrolled in good faith) AND be principal and she doesn’t feel like she can do it. Fabian is awkward but encouraging and says he’ll do his best to help her and ask his friends for advice. When he does, Riz right away is like, "They’re gonna kill her, dude,” so Fabian rushes back and invites (practically begs) Mazey over after school so he can keep an eye on her. 

Once school is out, Fig does her bodyguard thing and secretly trails Mazey so she gets to Seacaster Manor safely. Once she’s there, she and Fabian have a bit of an awkward beat and then Mazey, who has clearly misread the situation, tries to make out with him. Fabian pulls back which makes Mazey confused and embarrassed. Fabian really quickly tries to reassure her that it’s not that he didn’t wanna kiss her. He’s just not in that mode right now and she’s in danger and they’re trying to kill her. She has NO idea what he’s talking about so he Facetimes Riz and the Mordred crew to explain. Mazey says that killing her wouldn’t make the killer the new Principal–it’s not Pokemon Champion rules. But Riz says that every person who’s had the top spot has been sidelined or killed so it’s safer to be careful. Maybe killing her would prompt an early election and whoever wins will be promoted early. She asks if this suspicion is just because they hate the Rat Grinders and Riz says that they have good reasons to be suspicious. They are all outraged though when Mazey says that the Ratgrinders famously hate them and have since Freshman year. [Hilarious that they were apparently publicly seething and haven’t been on the BK’s radar at all.]

Anyway, Mazey says she appreciates the concern but rushes to leave, embarrassed. Fabian tries to salvage the awkward encounter and tell Mazey that his reaction was about how stressed and worried he is, not about how he feels about her and Mazey seems genuinely concerned about him. Like, as a person. Is he eating? Is he sleeping? Is he being cared for in this big empty house? Fabian musters some bravado about how he’s a legend and the legend continues but it’s mixed in with some super obvious red flags about making his house a place people want to come to so he won’t be alone. Mazey says she’d still want to hang with him even if he wasn’t a Maximum Legend and then leaves to his cavernous, home, solo. 

Back to Adaine! Her next big roll is Mystery and she wants to learn about the giants and their gods. She uses a portent to get a 27 (which she needs because clues cost more right now) and here’s what she learns:

So first off, Ruvina is a Seasonal god (Winter) vs Sol, Helio, Cass, and Galicaea who are Celestial gods (Sun, Moon).

A bridal gift would only be given to the spouse of a sibling so that means that the missing dead god is Ruvina’s sibling. Brennan specifically mentions how hard/weird/complicated it would be to be prevented by Oblivati Mori from speaking of a spouse or sibling. 

There’s no mention of the missing god but there are mentions of the OTHER seasonal gods so Adaine can determine by process of elimination that the missing god is the summer one. 

She wonders if Sol or Helio stole the summer domain since they’re sun gods but Brennan said if they did, it wasn’t in one violent act. There’s no obvious crusade or anything like that. 

There is a certain point where “Sun” starts being capitalized like a name (like how in the Bible God is He not he). 

The bridal gift is only mentioned in early texts, not recent ones. Recent texts have a lot of mentions of fire. 

She doesn’t find any text concerning the gods followers. She does however find text that says “Beware the blades of the red fire”. These seem to be connected to the shatter star rage crystals but there's no clear timeline of them showing up once the god died. It seems like they existed at the same time. 

So, a lot of info but no big Aha! moment yet. 

She rolls Work for her third track and fails so she takes a stress token (up to three now). She only rolls well enough to not get fired (which, girl, just get fired! Make money another way! Ask your newly caring sister for some funds and don’t ask where she got them!). 

Lastly she rolls to relax but fails (been there girl) and has a deeply unsatisfying massage given to her by Lydia. 

Kristen is up next and her first roll is Popularity (makes sense) on the middle schoolers (you lost me). In fairness to Ally, there is method to their madness. They said in the Adventuring Party that the idea was that the school is across the street from where the bodies were found so maybe they could do some recon. Still, on the face of it, bonkers plan and Riz is low key wondering if his mom was right about them picking the wrong candidate. Anyway, she passes and now has advantage on charming any new middle schooler she meets lol. Brennan also makes her roll Perception and on a 14 gives her nothing. Ominous! 

The second thing she’s interested in is Relationships and she wants to talk to Lydia and also Buddy. With Lydia, she wants to know if there’s a way for them to talk to Bakur. Lydia says that Bakur is conscious and aware but she can’t talk to him because it would compromise the security of his gem prison. However, if they come up with a safe way to talk to him she’s game to participate, especially since she’ll def be a target if stuff with Bakur’s god is going down. Lydia also mentions that it seems like Cass might have been especially vulnerable in the Astral Food Court which makes Kristen even more suspicious of Kalina than she already was since she was the one who suggested that plan in the first place. 

Riz does Detect Evil on Lydia with his necktie so he can recognize Bakur’s magical aura on anyone else in the future and Brennan says that will also give him the ability to recognize anyone connected to Bakur’s god in the future. (Riz also says he wants to do the same on a Helioic cleric and the moon, presumably for the same reason but he doesn’t explicitly get to it this session). 

They then check on Fig to try to figure out what the heck her deal is and they find a lot lol. There are four main things happening with her aura. The strongest is the anarchy sigil on her forehead that marks her as the Archdevil of Rebellion. The second is her burgeoning paladin rage aura which matches Lydia's but seems more fiery and is also unaligned. The third is her warlock mojo which is unaligned as well. And the fourth is the lemony yellow aura of her curse. Her being a tiefling doesn’t even crack the top five of what’s going on with her apparently! 

Anyway, on to her second relationship thing–Buddy. Kristen finds him putting a Rat Grinders sticker on her locker which she peels off, clearly annoyed. There are three main important parts of that conversation which are as follows:

Kristen asks if there’s any rage talk happening at the Helioic church right now and Buddy says that Sol is angry–lots of people left the church during the months of night situation which makes sense. Worshiping the sun god during eternal night feels like a losing proposition. 

Buddy thinks it would be a great idea for his grandpa–Helioic evangelist Bobby Dawn–to become the new Cleric teacher to save everyone from going Pass/Fail. Kristen thinks that sounds like a nightmare and I have to agree. Buddy says that it’s fine because the cleric teacher has to worship *some* god, right? Might as well be Helio. But we know that’s untrue because Yolanda gave up her active connection with a specific divinity in order to minister effectively to her whole class. And I can’t imagine whoever raised Buddy would make a fair teacher who’s welcoming to all faiths. 

Buddy wants to “take Kristen into counsel” about her brother who he thinks is going down a dangerous path as he’s being exposed to various worldly elements at Aguefort. I have no idea what Buddy considers a dangerous path–for all we know Bucky is actually fully fine and coming into his own. Buddy offers to take Bucky under his wing and Kristen casually but very firmly says, “I’ll never let you do that.” [She really should check on him though, just in general.]

They close the conversation off with some faux cheerful/polite sniping about how Kristen’s god died again (point Buddy) that ends with Kristen saying that Cass will come back again as opposed to Helio who only came back once (point Kristen!). [She also tells Buddy, as she’s wont to do, that she met Helio and thought he was a total frat boy loser–just mentioning it in case it comes up again. He seems pretty sure that Kristen will come around though. Tres prodigal son.] 

Fig’s turn! She aces her Paladin, Bard, and Warlock classes–A+ across the board. [She gets to roll her Bard class at a DC 5 even though it’s her second track for reasons Brennan doesn’t tell us. We also learn that Lucilla Lullaby is now on sabbatical after her conversation with Fig. Girl, go to therapy.]

Anyway, Fig is working with Porter and Zara and they want to talk to her. She’ll have to pick her pact soon and though she’s doing really well, they’re not quite buying that her powers are coming from her deviation to Cass or doubt. Porter recognizes that protective, German Shepherd energy in her and when Fig floats rage (protective rage) as what’s motivating her, he has a positive reaction. Him jumping on the rage thing would already be a little suspicious but the next thing he says is, "If there was some other power like that that you knew could support Cassandra, [and] was connected to your friend Kristen, maybe that's a worthwhile thing to explore.” And I very much want to know if that’s a Porter nudge or a Brennan nudge because that really sounds like he’s hinting towards Cass’s sibling. Incidentally, Porter is an Oath of Ancestors paladin and an earth gensai since we’re keeping track of affiliations. 

For her next track, Fig wants to roll Mustery and ooh boy, Nat 20!

Here’s her bonkers/genius plan: She disguises herself as Wanda and boards a bus she knows Ruben will be on from all her recon. Adaine casts Nystul's Magic Aura on her to make sure that any detection spells will ping as whatever they want them to and not Fig. When Ruben boards the bus, she says that when she made a hasty exit after the festival she was breaking up with her boyfriend and when he asks what music she’s listening to, she shows him a fake episode of the Complicated Women Podcast about Lucy Frostblade. Ruben is instantly rattled and starts looking for the podcast but “Wanda” says it was an early release episode she got because she knows the producers. She lies and says they’re talking bout how they found Lucy’s body and Ruben says he used to be in a party with her. When Fig asks what she was like, Ruben speaks positively of her. She says she was noble and stuck to her guns. He’s really itching to get more info about the podcast and Fig says that she’ll send him the MP3 if he gives her an email. Ruben gives her Lola’s email (They have SOL instead of AOL in Solace) and his cell and then Fig Dimension Doors away, mysterious as ever. 

For her final action, she tries to roll Relationships for Riz but she doesn’t roll high enough to catch him with how busy he is. She still leaves him a nice note and signs it from Gorgug. In response to that, Riz sends back a very long, gushy text that’s so grateful for the check in. Gorgug has no idea what he’s talking about but returns the gesture by making him an Artificer Infusion: A Medal of Wit which gives advantage on Int checks and throws for an hour (one time use). Cute all around!

Let’s close out the episode with Fabian. Popularity: 29. He’s maxed out the track. Any stranger he meets at Aguefort is charmed by him for a minute. He gets a neck tattoo that says Maximum Legend. For Mystery, he wants to check in with his dad to ask about Hell/Curse stuff (but he clearly mostly just wants to hear from his dad). He fails and takes a stress to succeed with the help of the AV Club. Skrank and Shellford help him set up a little broadcasting booth that can reach the Nine Hells assuming Bill has the correct equipment. He tries to broadcast and the equipment is working correctly but Brennan rolls a 3 in front of the board so he gets no response. He speaks into the void about how he’s a Maximum Legend while in his house, utterly alone. 

He rolls for Fighter: B. He rolls for Owlbears. Fail. He rolls for Bard–the DC is 25 and he gets a 24. He’s at four stress so the next token will be a rage token. The table persuades him to take Fig’s cursed Bardic instead. He gets a single point which gets him to the 25 which is a D. Then Brennan gives him a Con save. He fails. Brennan says that, with that fail, he loses control of an important bodily function. He gets to choose which one it is and in front of who like a nasty game of Clue and…look. I’m gonna try and say this as delicately as possible but Lou is not making this easy for me. Lou’s decision is that he will lose control of his bowels in the middle of bard class. That’s as far into it as I’m gonna go–if you want the gritty details you’ll have to get them from the man himself. 

Terpsicore, his teacher, is very supportive and kind about it, but one of his classmates, Quincy, takes his lute and breaks it, calls Fabian a Maximum Loser, and quits Aguefort on the spot. He headbutts the door, making his head bleed, and says, “I fucking hate this school!” 

Which, on the one hand, valid sentiment to the latest bout of (almost literal in this instance) Aguefort bullshit. But headbutting the door to the point that he’s bleeding? Sounds a little bit like rage star effects to me. Is it connected? Or was this just the last shitty straw for Quincy? We’ll have to tune in next time to find out!

Honor Roll

Fig for Her Clutch Investigation Skills

Fig has honestly been killing it just in general lately. A pluses across the board? What a GPA jump! But I have to particularly commend her for skillfully keeping Ruben on the hook the way she has. This is maybe her most perfect ratio of bit to plan so far. It’s so funny but also going so well. And that Nat 20? Chef’s Kiss. 

Detention 

Lou (the player) for Describing [REDACTED]in Graphic Detail

I don’t care if Quincy was affected by the rage star or not. He was right. That *was* nasty. 

[balkanradfem]

The most frustrating renovation

So, I felt it was the time to make my own neck-supporting pillow, like the ones that are cut from foam, have a little wave to go under your neck? Since my neck hurts I thought it would help. I had some old mattress sponge that I collected as a found treasure, I grabbed my scissors and got to cutting, until the pillow was fitting perfectly under my head and keeping my spine straight.

Once I was done, I covered it in soft fabric, and then sewed the perfectly-fitting pillowcase on it. In order to do this, I had dragged several bags filled with 'resource clothing', which was pieces of clothing I was gifted, and kept just to have some sewing fabric for projects. By the time I was done sewing, bags were all over my room, the closet looked like a giant mess, and it was frustrating. Because that was just bad organization, keeping clothing in plastic bags at the bottom of the hanging closet, I figured I could do better.

The pillow turned out to be a failure, my neck hurt even worse with it, I had to resign to sleeping without a pillow again.

I was now focused on organizing my closet better, and in order to do that, it needed some shelving. I am constantly collecting wooden boards so I decided to go to the basement, pick out a board that was acceptable size, and put it on top of 2 boxes in order to make a shelf, and then I'd be able to make little compartments underneath and organize the clothing better.

However, upon dragging in every wooden board I owned from the basement, it turned out each one of them was at least 1 meter in length, and my closet was under that length. So none of the boards I had could possibly fit! I needed something 10 cm shorter. But I had nothing I could cut a board with.

Frustrated, I went out for a board search; often when I needed something specific I would conveniently find that exact thing. But not that day. People were not abandoning wooden boards at such time, and how dared they. I came back home fuming.

I didn't pack my bags with clothing back into the closet, but left them all over the floor, too angry about my failed plans to bother tidying up. I would tidy them up when I got that shelving in! I was still going to find a way.

Then, I figured, okay, there has to be a way to diy a shelf, from cardboard or whatever, someone sure had to put that stuff on youtube. I downloaded a few videos on how to make cardboard shelving, but I didn't watch them. This is where I had a wave of mental illness so I spent a few days in bed, ignoring the closet situation like this was none of my business, and I was alone so who cares about the mess.

So yesterday at 11pm, I'm like, what about that closet situation, that is still unresolved, I did download some videos, and I go and watch them. And one of the video has a way of folding pieces of long cardboard that creates a very firm shelf! And I'm like cool this is what I will do, shelving will exist and my troubles will be resolved. I just need to wake up early tomorrow and get out and seek some cardboard, because my current stash of cardboard boxes has all been converted to drying stations.

I wake up at 6am this morning, ready to go cardboard hunting, and I'm so sure in myself because people abandon big cardboard boxes all the time, it's one resource I can reliably get anytime. I walk up to the balcony. And it's raining. It's raining! My plans foiled again. If anyone had discarded cardboard, by now it would be wet and icky and I wouldn't want to touch it.

So this is still ongoing! I still haven't found a good piece of cardboard in order to make my closet a functional storage space! This is infuriating! My room is still a giant mess and I'm supposed to clean it in 3 days and my confidence is dropping. Will I ever get this done and have my room floor safe to walk on again? I am unsure. My life is out of my control.

[wren-of-the-woods]

True Slug's Kiss

When Geralt finds himself entangled in a magical mishap, Jaskier is prepared to save him as usual. What he is not prepared for is the sheer strangeness (and sliminess) of the situation— nor the feelings that it will force him to reveal. This is 2.3k of Geraskier shenanigans, rated T! Also on AO3.

If there was one thing Jaskier really should have learned over his years of traveling with Geralt, it was that he should never trust Geralt when he said everything would be fine. 

Here Jaskier was, picking his way through overgrown and vine-entangled elven ruins, all because he trusted Geralt to know what he was talking about. 

“Oh, it’ll be fine, he says,” Jaskier muttered to himself, doing his best Geralt impression as he clambered over what was probably once a stone pillar. “‘I’ll just do a quick sweep of the ruins for monsters. I’ll be back in a jiffy.’ Then, flash! Bang! Something loud and fucked up and probably magical has happened! And now I, a humble bard, and once again stuck cleaning up the messes of Geralt of Rivia.”

He climbed under the remnants of a door in a great stone wall that was now more of a great stone heap, wincing as water dripped into his hair. He was headed in what he hoped was the direction of the flash he had seen. He had stared at the ruins for long enough as he waited fruitlessly for Geralt to return that he was reasonably sure he knew the way. It shouldn’t be much further; or at least, he certainly hoped not, because he’d left Roach and most of their things on the top of the hill overlooking the ruins and he did not want to leave them there longer than necessary. 

Jaskier passed the tall beech he had noticed just behind where the flash had been. He picked his way through large, scattered blocks of stone strewn across a cobbled street.

“Geralt!” he called. There was no response. Taking a deep breath, he rounded a corner and looked into the courtyard where he thought the probably-magic had taken place.

The sight that greeted him was… not what he expected. 

For one thing, there was no particularly unusual wreckage or carnage. There was no sign of a fight. The courtyard, in fact, was completely unoccupied— except for a large, yellow something beside a heap of stones right in the center. 

Jaskier stood there cautiously for a moment, watching. The thing did not move. It was long and low and rather squishy-looking. It did not seem particularly threatening. 

Slowly, Jaskier approached. 

As he drew nearer, he began to make out more of the thing’s appearance. It was as long as Jaskier was tall, and perhaps three or four hands’ width at its widest point. It was yellow and gave off the overall effect of a rather slimy banana. It had antennae protruding from one end. It was, Jaskier realized as he began to draw near, some sort of exceptionally large slug. 

He kept a healthy distance between himself and the giant slug, mindful of the fact that this thing was probably involved in whatever had happened to Geralt. As he watched, he realized that it was moving. It was, very slowly, turning to head towards him. 

He took a step back. The slug continued to turn. 

“Nice slug,” he said placatingly, slowly starting to back away in earnest. “You are a very nice slug with no malicious or magical intentions toward any humble bards, I’m sure.”

The slug was still turning. Jaskier noticed that it had something around what passed for its neck. 

He paused, frowning. He watched as the slug turned to face him. When it finally came around, his jaw dropped.

Around the slug’s neck was a chain, and from the chain hung a very, very familiar medallion. 

“You’re Geralt,” said Jaskier, master of the seven liberal arts. “Fucking fuckity fuck.”

~

The less said about the next few hours, the better. Suffice to say that, with great effort, determination, ingenuity, and some slime, Jaskier managed to get the slug up to where Roach was waiting before nightfall. The slug was just as surly and stubborn as any white-haired witcher could be, and any lingering doubts Jaskier might have had about its identity were laid to rest when, the moment they were close enough, Roach trotted up to the slug, sniffed it, and whickered happily. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Jaskier asked slug-Geralt once he’d had a moment to breathe. The ex-witcher looked rather incongruous surrounded by their packs and Jaskier’s lute. 

Geralt-slug, predictably, said nothing.

“Is this a curse? It’s probably a curse. That pile of stones I found you by could have been an altar or some other object of magical fuckery, retrospectively. Shit. I’m going to have to find a mage, aren’t I?”

Geralt-slug said nothing. He looked, to Jaskier’s frazzled imagination, rather judgemental. 

Jaskier sighed, long and deep. “I suppose it’s Yennefer time.”

~

It was a long, long few days as Jaskier tried to get Geralt to Yennefer. 

He discovered very quickly that there was no way he could travel at Geralt’s pace without getting bored out of his mind, and try as he might, he could not figure out a feasible way to get the giant slug to ride Roach without Roach becoming incredibly unhappy, so he was eventually forced to spend a day constructing a makeshift sled out of logs and Geralt’s cloak and clothes so that Roach could drag him along behind her. Jaskier draped his own cloak over Geralt to keep him from drying out, and also to keep him from bewildering any unfortunate passers-by. 

The nights passed rather uncomfortably, too; Jaskier had to subsist off of their rations and what little he could find himself. He also tried to gather some nice leaves and greenery for Geralt to eat, because his size seemed to impede his ability to find his own without squashing them. 

The only upside to the whole situation, as far as Jaskier could tell, was that Geralt couldn’t complain when Jaskier sang incessantly. He could invent as many ditties about his irritation as he wanted without repercussion. He wasn’t entirely sure that Geralt could even hear him. 

If he had to go through this ordeal without anyone to listen to his complaints, he was damn well going to get a decent song out of it. After a several days of travel, he had something he was reasonably happy with. He sang it incessantly to stave off boredom. 

The witcher called his barker to save his sorry ass To find him after he got lost in ruins of cities past A strange yellow shape oozed forth to request a deft assist But the Witcher was still unseen, the story had a twist

The Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old lime It covered me with grimeI’m all covered in grimeThere’s so much slime

The strange yellow slug turned to the bard with pleading in its eyes The bard realized the truth, he saw through the spell’s disguise He knew he had to help it, or else throw away his lute For it was a curséd witcher, not a giant slimy fruit

Oh, the Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old limeIt covered me with grime I’m all covered in grime There’s so much slime

Eventually, he did manage to make it to the town where he had last heard of Yennefer being. The little party received several confused looks as they made their way through the streets. Jaskier eventually managed to get a (mildly frightened-looking) child to point him in the direction of the sorceress. 

He stood on Yennefer’s doorstep, feeling distinctly bedraggled and rather absurd. He was fully aware of the fact that he, or at least Geralt, had a decent chance of being lampooned if not laughed out of town altogether. 

He was not disappointed. 

Yennefer did not stop laughing for a solid quarter of an hour after Jaskier explained the situation. She broke down again when Jaskier brought Geralt into the alley behind her house for her to examine him. It was distinctly awkward to stand there as she looked at a against slug and giggled. He really hoped Geralt appreciated/would appreciate his sacrifice. 

Eventually, Yennefer completed her examination and vanished back inside to do some research. Jaskier deposited Geralt in the stables with Roach, hoping that it wouldn’t cause a disaster, and bullied Yennefer into letting him use her baths. It was heavenly to finally be clean of all that sweat and slime. 

~

“I believe he’s been turned into a giant version of something called a banana slug,” Yennefer told him over wine that evening, after having concluded her research. “They live mainly in the wet forests by the coast to the north. Normally, they’re only about six inches long.”

“That’s still unsettlingly large for a slug.”

Yennefer shrugged. “Anyway, it was probably caused by an old magic item he happened across in the ruins, one that had broken over the years to curse anyone who came near it.”

“Do you think you can undo it?”

“I can’t undo it directly. It’s too old. But I do know the cure.”

“What is it?” 

“It’s old, just as the magic is. It’s hardly used nowadays, but it’s effective.”

“Get to the point,” said Jaskier. He thought she looked like she was enjoying this far too much. It was suspicious.

“It’s true love’s kiss.”

Jaskier blinked. He stared at Yennefer, hoping that she would laugh and tell him it was all a joke. She did not, though her eyes were sparkling in what was undeniably amusement.

“Are you telling me that Geralt’s true love has to kiss him for him to become human again?”

“Yes,” said Yennefer. The expression on her face was approaching glee. Jaskier was afraid. 

“Where are we going to find Geralt’s true love? Does he have one?” Jaskier blinked. “Is it you? Do you have to kiss a giant slug?”

“No,” said Yennefer. Her expression clearly added the word ‘idiot’. “You have to kiss a giant slug.”

Jaskier blinked. “Me?”

“Of course.”

“But… doesn’t the love have to be reciprocated for true love’s kiss to work?”

“Yes. But it is. He loves you back.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s obvious.”

Jaskier narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure you aren’t just trying to get me to make a fool of myself?”

“That’s only a delightful side effect. It’ll work, I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Her grin grew. “Though you should know: banana slugs are that color because they’re mildly toxic. It’ll make your mouth go numb. Also, the slime expands in water.”

Jaskier resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. “Oh, joy.”

~

Jaskier looked at Geralt. Geralt (probably) looked at Jaskier. Yennefer watched them both. She was ostensibly there in case of any magical mishaps, but Jaskier thought she just wanted to watch the fun. 

“You’d better love me back,” Jaskier told the slug threateningly, doing his best not to feel like a fool, “Because if I have to kiss you like this, I’m going to be fucking mad if it’s for nothing.”

With that, he leaned down and planted a large kiss directly between the slug’s antennae.

It was wet. It was slimy. Jaskier stayed as long as he could bear before rearing back, spitting and spluttering. The slime stuck to the inside of his mouth, expanding. His mouth was indeed beginning to go numb. It was a deeply unnerving sensation. 

Jaskier was so wrapped up in his disgust that he didn’t notice anything else had changed until, from behind him, a very deep and familiar voice said, “Jaskier?”

Jaskier whirled around. There stood Geralt in all his witchery glory, his armor and swords on, not a drop of slime or a hint of yellow to be seen. 

“Geralt!” Jaskier tried to say. It came out as an indistinct mumble, since his mouth was numb and full of slime. He tried to spit again.

“I told you it’d work!” said Yennefer happily.

“What happened?” asked Geralt.

“True love’s kiss,” said Yennefer. She sounded entirely too pleased with herself, and also not nearly appreciative enough of Jaskier’s plight.

Geralt blinked. He turned to Jaskier. “But that means…”

“Mmmph,” said Jaskier emphatically.

Yennefer conjured a glass of water and handed it to him. Jaskier swished it in his mouth gratefully. 

“I love you,” he managed to say when he spit the water out. “I love you so much I kissed you as a slug.”

Geralt swallowed. He, at least, looked suitably touched. “I love you. I never thought you’d love me back.”

“I do. Idiot.”

Geralt smiled, pulled Jaskier towards him, and tugged him into a kiss. It was rather slimy, as first kisses went. Jaskier’s mouth was still numb. The whole affair was rather awkward. 

And yet, because it was true love — because it was Geralt — it was the best kiss he ever had.

~

“Do you have to keep singing that damn song?” Geralt grumbled. 

“Yes. It’s my payment for having gone through that ordeal.”

“I thought your payment was kisses.”

“That too. I went through a lot.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, shut up. I know you love the song, deep down.”

Geralt said nothing, but his glare spoke volumes.

“I’ve written a proper ending, actually. Would you like to hear it?”

Without waiting for a response, Jaskier began to sing. 

The bard sought out a helper, a sorceress beauty She told him how to break the curse, unpleasant as it be The brave bard kissed the creature, though it covered him with slime And the slug became a witcher, for their love was for all time

Oh, the Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old lime It covered me with grime I’m all covered in grime There’s so much slime So much slime

He let the last note fade and bowed dramatically, trying not to laugh at the exasperated expression on Geralt’s face. 

“Come on, give me a review. Three words or less.”

Geralt smirked. “Once, I would have said ‘shut up, bard.’ I know a much better way to keep you quiet now.”

Jaskier grinned. “Oh yeah?”

Geralt pulled him into a kiss that was long, emphatic, and not remotely, and the song was soon forgotten in the face of Jaskier’s joy. 

[denjilvr]

dating hcs!

synopsis - relationship headcanons with the chainsaw man characters! fluff!!

includes: denji, power, aki, makima

part two <3

denji

touch starved boy is always down for cuddles! doesn’t matter where or when, he wants to be touching you!

big fan of stay-at-home movie dates! maybe it’s because that was the one actual date he’s ever been on, but he doesn’t feel like a movie date is easy to mess up! also if you’re at home, he can cuddle you more accessibly!

boob lover. that’s canon. he loves tiddies. he doesn’t discriminate between shape or size, he just likes them! also really likes to hold them, not even in a sexual way, they’re like a stress balls for him lol

absolutely loves it when you wear his clothes, like, he melts on the spot

denji loves your home, he thinks it’s so warm, clean, and nice! not to mention quiet, especially in comparison to living with power. whenever he’s in your room, he pokes around at all of your stuff.

he has a thing for fidget toys and little trinkets! i headcanon him as having adhd (as someone with adhd ajdbdjej) and i feel like he would always be messing around with things!

he’s not the best at comforting, he always gives you his things to play with in hopes that it takes your mind off of things. of course he hugs you! but his primary go to is giving you whatever trinket he has easiest access too, even if it’s just the pen he was chewing on lol

he was so nervous when he first kissed you— every other kiss he had ended… poorly. you probably had to make the first move after three dates & still no goodbye kiss. so, you mustered up all your courage, grabbed that boy’s face and planted one on him! denji was shocked that nothing particularly bad happened, and since then he sees you as a good luck charm

he’ll trace your face when your sleeping, still holding onto you in someway because denji simply cannot believe that you are real. he’s dreamt about being in a relationship ever since he knew what they were… and here you are!! you’re his dream come true, he would do anything for you

sleepovers!! either at your place or his, the atmospheres are very very different! at yours, you’ll probably do skincare, watch a movie, make hot cocoa, and actually get some sleep. at his place, denji has to fight power away for your attention (since she adores you), and while they’re brawling you have a nice conversation with aki— usually about work or movies. once things calm down, the four of you will play video games and probably all fall asleep in a giant pig pile

dating denji is like dating your best friend <3

power

god, she’s a menace

always steals your stuff, claims it’s hers, and only ever returns it when it’s dirty, stained, or ripped

she brags about you all the time, to anyone that will listen and especially to those who won’t. denji has heard all about how wonderful, generous, magical, and beautiful you are, and aki has tried to tune out power’s ramblings while he attempts to get stains out of the sweatshirt she stole from you

biter. power bites you. she thinks it’s cute, and it kind of is, and claims thag she’s marking her territory. she’ll come up behind you and just take a bite out of your shoulder like?? okay i love you, too?? that was uncalled for though?? it’s better than her licking you though

you’re meowy’s favorite, too. like, even more so than power, and she hates it. every time you come over, meowy just migrates to you and power accuses both of you of being traitors

she hates baths… but she will take a bath for you! & only if you join her! or wash her hair!!

really likes when you do her hair or makeup!! she feels even more powerful and famous whenever you do, as will also take the chance to give you a makeover as well! you end up looking like a basis replica of her, but it’s the thought that counts and bonding moment that matters

she’s probably a caffeine addict, and doesn’t like coffee at all, so she’ll take you to her local convenience store to get at least ten monster energy drinks in one sitting. she’s a menace & you have to apologize for her when the cashier makes a comment about her having a "rough night"

she sleeps in a starfish position, hogs all of the blankets, and snores so, so loud. you will not get any sleep while you’re with her unless you take some serious sedatives. power does tend to use you as a plushie, though, so her sleepy cuddles make up for it a little bit </3

she will try to make you drink her blood late at night. you may be a little grossed out, but it’s a sign of intimacy and trust for her!

power can be a bit brash, but she loves you very very much

aki

god i love this man, such a caring relationship

he has a massive heart, and was an older brother, so he naturally is very protective of everyone in his life— you especially

he doesn’t want you near his work, & he doesn’t want to tell you what happens either. it’s a bit of a problem, but after time and some coaxing, you can get him to open up so he knows he can rely on you as much as you rely on him

not very into pda, but he’s very into private displays of affection! in his house, when you’re both hidden away from the world and the devils he has to fight at work. cooking together, reading together, drinking together, showering together, shopping together— so many things!! all done together!!

lots of hugs from behind, from either of you tbh. you could be cooking dinner and he’ll put his head on your shoulder & wrap his arms around your waist. he’s home from work and latch onto him while he’s taking off his jacket

the best at taking care of you when you’re sick; the second he hears you sniffling, he hauls ass down to the store to buy every kind of cold medicine available as well as at least four plushies

power and denji love you, especially if you’ve been dating for longer than they’ve known him. they want you to tell them all the embarrassing aki stories you have you oblige

god just imagine hanging out in his room at night with soft music playing & getting high with him oh my god i wanna get high with aki and himeno

kisses in the morning before he goes off to work & kisses when he comes back. it’s a little ritual, something he looks forward to every day until he comes home

you’re the sweetest thing in his life and he would do anything to protect you

makima

ha… haha… god she’s so intimidating to be around, no matter how long you’ve been dating her

you’ve got the respect of so many people in the public safety division, like, you made the beautiful and mysterious makima fall for you… how did you do that?

does that thing where she grabs your chin and tilts your head up to kiss you and akjdkejd it just give you butterflies every single time

she’s a bit of a movie snob, so expect to hear a lot about her thoughts on classic french cinema and anything she finds grotesquely underrated i just know she hates shrek

you go on a lot of very expensive and classy dates, ones where you’re both absolutely dressed to the nines & she always pays. maybe it’s a way to subtly prove that she’s the boss in your relationship, but it’s also because she enjoys taking care of you

i hope you love dogs, or at the very least don’t mind them, because she has ten. if you have the tendency to take in strays off the street, she’s a bit suspicious, but if you both give her your adorable puppy dog eyes, there’s no way makima could ever say no

she’s not that big on holding hands, but she does like to link pinkies! it’s a cute and subtle way to show her affection while not being overly unprofessional with pda

likes to buy you similar/matching clothing to her style, and really likes when you wear the clothes she bought for you. also really enjoys doing your hair & ensuring your nails are neat, pretty, & clean!

after a long day, she loves having you lie your head in her lap so she can run her hands through your hair and find comfort in your presence

not that big on pet names, but she has a few for you most notably "puppy"

she knows she’s not the best with dating, but she never stops trying and will leave you little gifts after arguments, just as a way to remind you that she was thinking about you. gift giving is definitely her love language

she finds you to be too cute for words, it’s what drew her to you in the first place; you won her whole heart <3

[anon-e-miss]

Sizeable 3

Twins. Somehow Jazz seemed to be able to manifest his desires into reality. Prowl’s belly jutted out so far he could not see his peds and would not for stellar-cycles yet. To call his walk a waddle was a generous compliment. The giants Jazz had kindled in him were growing big and strong in his forge and Prowl was content with that for now. He stood on the step stool as he pushed the rolling pin over the dough. They were having a party on base for the Cycle of Adaptus and Prowl was not inclined to come without bringing a treat. When he had lived and worked on base, Prowl had never bothered to attend these parties but Jazz liked to bring Strongarm, to show her off to all his friends. It had been ages since Prowl had been on base anyways.

He paused as he cut out the cookies. Jazz’s glyphs echoed in his helm. This was where he had been ensparked. It did not matter how many times he used the counter, he still remembered Jazz’s glyphs. Blushing madly, Prowl finished cutting out the cookies and put them in the oven. Doorwings shivering on his back, Prowl leaned against the counter and reached under his belly to find his valve. It was soaking wet. Lubricants were already trailing down his thighs. Carrying had made his interface drive fire with very little trigger. Now was not the time to self service; he refused to leave the kitchen a mess. Ignoring the throb between his legs, Prowl waddled about the kitchen, cleaning the counters and putting the ingredients away, all the while lubricants dripped down his legs. His valve was not the only thing leaking, his nozzles were leaking too, Prowl realized as he looked down at his apron to see the widening wet spots. He jumped as the timer went off. Waddling to the oven, Prowl decided there was time to clean himself up and to sort himself out as the cookies cooled.

“Somethin’ got ya hot, Sweetspark?” Jazz asked, startling Prowl. He had not heard him come home.

“It is your fault,” Prowl replied. “You told me to remember.”

“Don’t worry, my Sweet Treat,” Jazz crooned. “I’ll take care o’ that for ya. Ya been workin’ awful hard.”

Jazz lifted Prowl up, as he seemed to love to do and carried him over to the couch. He pulled his apron off and sat him on his lap. Prowl leaned forward, growning, his heavy wells hanging like cannon balls as Jazz brought himself to pressure directly into his valve. Somehow Jazz’s spike fit his cavernous valve perfectly. Despite fragging Prowl’s womb when he ensparked him, Jazz was lodged to the root in him now, without breaching his forge, which would have been lethal for the newsparks. Could Jazz adjust the size of just one frame component? It would not surprise Prowl in the least. His nozzles dripped energon over his belly. Jazz reached around him and fastened a contraption over his wells, hooking straps over his shoulders and clasping the band under his doorwings. He pressed a button and the pumps got to work, draining the energon from his engorged wells.

“Ooooh,” Prowl moaned, straining valve weakly fluttering over the spike he was impaled on.

“Since ya may well be nursing three bitties at once, gettin’ some fuel stores ready seemed like a good idea,” Jazz said.

“Are you sure my costume should not be that of a bovinoid?” Prowl asked.

“Ya’d be a sexy one, but I think what we picked is perfect,” Jazz assured him. “Since Ori’s got Strongarm, I think we’re just gonna rest here for a bit.”

“Oh Primus,” Prowl moaned as Jazz leaned back, taking Prowl with him. They were not even fragging, Prowl was just stuffed full of his spike.

“That’s it,” Jazz crooned, rubbing Prowl’s node and cradling his belly. “Ya just relax. Have a nap.”

Prowl could not believe he actually did nap as his wells were being pumped and his valve was impaled on Jazz’s spike. He groaned as he sat up, his belly was larger than it had been when he had nodded off. Jazz never failed to contribute and to contribute thoroughly. With his gargantuan belly, Prowl could not where anything like his normal armour. Jazz helped him into a stretchy girdle that cut under his belly and a similarly stretch chestplate that supported his wells. Over it, Prowl wore a loose robe decorated like an oven. Jazz wore a baker’s hat.

“Let’s go pick up our cookie,” Jazz declared.

Both Prowl’s costumes and his cookies, both the actual treats and Strongarm were hits. Prowl sat most of the time, peds aching for a rest. At one point, Strongarm came over in her cookie costume, wanting to nurse. Jazz had been clever and Prowl opened the door of the oven and pulled down his chestplate/bra and cuddled Strongarm as she nursed. Jazz kept him company as did Punch. Many Bots visited with him, complimenting Strongarm and congratulating him on the twins he carried. Other Bots kept their distance, like Chromedome and Rewind and their close friends. He did not know what their complaint with him was now, he had been keeping his home, away from them, raising his newling and forging two more. Prowl had not interacted with any of them in ages and he was perfectly happy to keep it that way.

“Rewind don’t like ya ‘cause he knows Chromedome still has the hots for ya,” Jazz explained as Punch took Strongarm for the trick or treating on base. He guided the femmeling away from those mechanisms, anyone who put her originator at ease, was not welcome near her in Punch’s opinion. Prowl was forever grateful for his support. “Chromedome don’t like that he can’t just have ya when it suits’m. The others are jealous ya still hold a rank when y’re carryin’, even though yer still puttin’ in the work. Their fools. But they ain’t fool ‘nough to touch ya or Strongarm ‘cause they know I’d rip’em to pieces.”

“They do not matter,” Prowl said.

“Dang right,” Jazz said. “Blaster ‘n Tracks gave me an idea, come o’er here and sit on my lap”

“Oh!” Prowl gasped.

Jazz nudged his girdle aside and speared his valve in a singe thrust. Hidden by Prowl’s costume and the table, no one could see Jazz playing with Prowl’s node as Prowl’s golden folds strained white around his girth. For good measure, Jazz slipped the pump on to Prowl’s wells. Prowl’s processor went hazy as Jazz secretly pleasured him as the party went on around them. Were Blaster and Tracks doing this too? Pleasure suffused Prowl’s frame and his jaw hung open as his optics went glassy. He had just enough wherewithal to clench his jaw when Jazz milk an overload from him, until he was so wrung out his jaw hung open but the only sounds Prowl could make were soft mewls.

“He’s watchin’ ya,” Jazz whispered to him. “He’s starin’ at yer face jealous he ain’t the one warming his spike in yer sweet lil frame. But he was never good ‘nough to do this too ya. He didn’t have to size or the skill to frag ya stupid.”

“Uhn,” Prowl moaned, his valve twitch around Jazz’s spike.

This time there was no drama. Prowl endured his labour and his emergence in peace and quiet in the labour room on base. Punch was caring for Strongarm as Jazz was at his side. Ratchet agreed to allow Prowl to labour naturally. There was a risk of a c-section, though Prowl had given emergence to Strongarm naturally. As he had before, Jazz held his leg and helped couch him in pushing the first of their twins from his frame. In kliks the second followed and they transformed in sync and let out a cry. Jazz laid one twin on Prowl’s chassis as Ratchet laid out the other. They were splitsparks, just as Jazz’s progenitors had been.

“Another perfect job done,” Jazz told him as they basked in the joy of their newest creations.

“Do you have plans for where you will enspark me next?” Prowl asked.

“Not just yet,” Jazz told him, chuckling. “Give me time.”

[lyssak09]

Hello :D

I love your writings!!!!

And I love your dbd Yandere Leon x killer reader story :3 can you pls make a part two? I would love to know how it will continues :D

Thank you so much for your amazing work!!!!!!

Also have a good day :D

Of course! Your super sweet I'm so glad you like my writing. So I actually started working on a part 2 after seeing your comment. But your ask just really made me work more on it. So thank you for requesting! Also, I tried to make this as gender friendly as possible. If I messed up anywhere Im so sorry. I hope you guys enjoy it 💙

Yandere Leon with Killer! Reader pt 2

Leon is a clingy needy dude after he's yonked you from the killer's realm. So expect a lot of cuddling, no personal space, and following you everywhere you go in the apartment. 

He isn’t THAT weird, and lets you use the bathroom in peace.

You think anyway.

The best part about him following you like a puppy is the fact that you can basically make him do anything with a simple sentence. 

You could ask for water, and he will zoom over the fridge to get you some water.

Hungry?

Food has been cooked and brought to you.

You are treated like a god dang queen/king/royalty. 

As you should be.

He took you without your permission, and has been keeping you basically hostage. 

This is the least that he could do for you. 

Now, is his cooking very good?

Not really.

He is used to cooking food over a fire and, after joining The Entity’s realm, not eating at all.

If someone came to visit you guys (99.98% not gonna happen but it doesn't hurt to hope) like a friend of his, who didn’t hate him for kidnapping you, he would be giving them a death glare until they leave. Lucky for them that they're friends with Leon or else you'd have a giant mess to clean up and some laundry to do if ya catch my drift.

Btw, Leon 100% wants you to be his house spouse.

You are so missed by your friends. And are enraged and appalled that Leon has done this to you and is able to.

A lot of the killers don’t care tho, since they’ve seen much worse.

But the survivors do, they're also extra pissed he is the one who did kill them for a while as of late.

But hey, not everything was too bad. 

He let you have hobbies, as long as you were still inside of the apartment.

Like sewing.

If you were really interested in it, he would ask you to sew some of his old clothes with big holes.

“Y/N,” he would whisper, before sitting down next to you. You were just sewing up old holes in a pillow case that you found in the back of the closet, hoping to maybe get some use out of it. “Can you sew up this hole for me?"He showed you an old, black shirt with a bullet hole on the chest. “Laurie got me good with a pallet, it put a hole in my shirt, and I haven’t been able to find someone to repair it.”

If you try to stab him with the needle or scissors to skedaddle then your butt is gonna get whooped. 

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" He yelled at you while you tried to break the front door down. "To get away from you! Duh!" You replied before body slamming the door. Leon let out a string of curses as he quickly wrapped his wound with scraps of fabric from the table. Leon soon grabbed you by your waist and dragged you to the bedroom. "Damn it! Let go of me!!" You screamed and held on to the door frame of the bedroom. Leon covered your mouth and pulled you into the room. "You have no reason to scream yet." He hissed in your ear and shut the door. 

If you like reading, he would ask force ou to read to him.

“But, if the werewolf liked the girl, then why wouldn’t he keep her? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” he asked. You rolled your eyes, "because the vampire one already had dibs on her. And healthy relationships don't involve kidnapping!" You told him and continued reading. "They obviously don't love her like I love you" Leon mumbled.

If you like drawing, he would ask to see what you’re drawing and he would try to make sure to get stuff for you to draw more. 

Like pencils and pens.

“What are you drawing?” He would ask, standing above you as you leaned over the table. “Is it a zombie?”

“No.”

“A cat?”

“No.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a tree.”

"Oh…"

Leon would frame and or put any drawings or doodles on the fridge.

If you have other hobbies, he would try his best to get you stuff to be able to do the things you loved. 

If he couldn’t, he would watch you and learn what you were doing.

If he had to go to a trial while you were at the house by yourself, he would lock the doors and take the key.

That way you wouldn’t be able to get out while he was gone.

While that did stop you from getting out, it did allow you some time alone without him hovering over you.

You could do whatever you pleased for the few hours that he was gone. 

Wanted to catch up on some extra sleep that got taken away from you?

Then nap time it is!

Want to draw something without him looking over your shoulder?

Freedom to draw whatever you want.

Though, you would have to hide them, since he does go through your stuff regularly.

Especially your drawing notebooks.

But remember, he had to find things that were hidden before he was forced into The Entity’s realm. 

So it won’t be easy to try and hide things from him.

Especially if he is suspicious of you hiding something.

“What did you do today?” He asked, walking through the door and plopping on the couch next to you. “Nothing much really, just took a nap and tidied up a bit.”. “Then why are the pencils out of place and why are their smudge marks on the table?” He asked, looking at you. He knew you were lying about what you were doing. “I know you were drawing.” He looked at you with an upset glare, “You don’t have to lie about what you do when I’m gone, you know I love your drawings.” He grabbed both of your hands in one of his, his other hand on your upper arm, “Where is it? I would love to see it.”. “I told you, I didn’t draw today. I tidied up, and that included moving some of the drawings I’ve already made.” You ripped your hands away from his. He started to get angry. "Why are you lying to me?" Leon yanked to towards him. "You didn't draw some boy or girl you think like like right? Because I'm the only one you can see in that way!" He was growling at this point. "Damn it Leon! I didn't draw today, and besides, is it really such a bad thing if I don't want you to see my drawings?" You were sweating now. You may or may not have drawn a hot character you had a crush on. But what's the harm in that? And aren't you allowed to have some privacy? "DON'T FUCKIN LIE TO ME!" he screamed and pinned you to the wall. You got the wind knocked outta you. "You know I don't like secrets." You stayed silent.  “I’m going to find it, even if I have to turn this whole place upside down!"

Yeah…he doesn't like secrets

Especially from you. Couples share everything right?

But if you dont draw and play games instead then maybe you get a game system or a game boy.

Or whatever you need/want for your hobbies

Anywaaays when he is forced to chill in the Killer camp he likes to ease drop on the killers and survivors who were you friends before you got yonked. (Yes you were friends with most of the survivors. You were a pretty friendly and chill killer) 

Leon started to hear rumors of him making a deal with the entity. Which wasn't wrong. But he still didn't you two to be discussed about with these asshats

He also started to hear your friends talk about plans to take you back and beat the utter crap outta our RPD boi.

But sadly for you, that's not happening. The Entity has gotten so much rage from Leon taking his anger out on his once friends. (He gets angry because someone isn't reciprocating his feelings fast enough. 

And Entity is also getting rage and despair from the survivors

To be perfectly honest, I don't think you're ever getting out. Leon's kills is more than making up for you no longer being able to do trials. So the entity is probably gonna leave you in Leon's hands. Forever

"You're mine you got that?" He hissed at you as you kicked and screamed at him to let you go. You had just tried to escape again and Leon caught you. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Leon screamed and dug his nails into your jaw, breaking the skin and causing blood to trail down your neck. You mumbled out a yes. "Good, because you're never leaving me."

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------- little fun bonus if wanted —-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe one day the Entity decided to let you guys out into the real world for a while since Leon has been so so useful as of late 

That also meant everyone could join.

Leon was pissed about this idea. He only wanted you and nobody else.

Besides, his ex-teammates aren’t probably the happiest with him

You know, killing them and all that.

Killers also didn’t really like him either.

They missed you being around the campfire with them.

But he made a deal, and The Entity was one to never let their side of the deal fail. 

Neither was Leon though.

He always kept his side of the deal.

And he wasn’t going to let anyone else come near you.

You already knew that though, and it wasn’t like you haven’t tried to bargain with The Entity either. 

But at least you could enjoy a day in the real world near your friends. 

So, yay

[deathmetalunicorn1]

If it wouldn’t be too much trouble for you, may I please request a Hades from Record Of Ragnarok x reader? Can the reader please be apathetic and sarcastic, they make sassy and sarcastic comments all of the time but they always say it with a hollow tone. She makes incredibly dark jokes to the point where people get concerned.The reader actually cares a lot but she just struggles to properly express emotion and its rare for someone to actually figure out what she’s feeling. She’s very introverted and behaves kinda like a cat in terms of traits. She’s powerful and knows it, and she is very prideful but not foolish. She doesn’t hesitate to fight when the situation calls for it, but tends to get very violent and vicious when fighting. I imagine her to be the epitome of “Beautiful but deadly”. She’s very aware of everything that is going around her, but I imagine her having no romantic experience so she has no idea on what to do during romantic moments.

I really hope this request isn’t too much for you, I love your work and I admire how you can write so much.

Thank you very much for listening

-Hades dropped a teacup nearby while you were spread out on a chase lounge, “Ah- fuck me!” your voice then piped up, surprising him as he hadn’t seen you, “At least let me buy you dinner first.”

-His face instantly appeared in your vision as he leaned over you, his hands on his hips, “You could try to sound more excited if we’re gonna fuck.”

-Your eyes were tired looking and there was nothing behind the smirk that rose to your lips, “And miss the chance to keep you guessing? Never!”

-He rolled his eyes before walking out after cleaning up his mess, his mood just a bit sour as he had no idea what you were thinking, ever! And that annoyed him!

-He was very even headed, calm, collected, and you were the same, but you were so sassy and sarcastic that it was hard not to get a little annoyed.

-Your sarcastic tone and quick comebacks never failed to bring a smile to his face, but he didn’t like that he never knew what you were thinking.

-He knew that you were a proud warrior, when you would fight, as you could be quite lazy, he had seen you throw hands with two gods at once because they insulted Goll, and you made it look easy!

-You also liked to talk a lot of shit, but your strength and skills could back up your smack talk, something Ares learned the hard way after he tried to chest up to you.

-Hades sought you out the next day, curious about something, and found you lounging on Hercules while he was lifting weights, laying on top of him like you were a giant cat, as you weren’t bothering him, you were just there.

-Hades came over, grinning down at the both of you, “Hey Hercules, you got something on your chest there. Want me to get it off you?”

-Your head lifted slightly, a deadpan look on your face, “Touch me and die.”

-Hades chuckled but was quick to swing back, “Ooh~ a win-win scenario!” you rolled your eyes lightly before Hercules spoke, “Not that I don’t mind your company, but if the two of you are gonna flirt, can you at least move off of me.”

-Hades was stunned that you looked surprised as you sat up, “Flirting? Are we flirting?” you turned to ask Hades this and he grinned, holding his arms out to the side, “I’ve been flirting with you for the past eight months, but you didn’t seem to pick up on it.”

-You lifted a hand to scratch the back of your head lightly, “Oh really? Sorry about that then, I didn’t realize.” Hades playfully rolled his eyes, folding his arms, “I haven’t noticed.”

-Hercules then asked his own question, “How did you not know he was flirting with you? Some of his pickup lines are some of the easiest ones to hear?”

-You shrugged, shifting yourself off of him, “Never dealt with romance before, so I don’t know what to do if someone is doing anything like that.”

-The two men froze, sharing a stunned look as Hercules sat up, Hades speaking first, “But you’re beautiful! How has nobody ever approached you before?!” you were indifferent to their shock, giving another shrug of your shoulders, “Most tend to leave me alone once they learn that I don’t act like other girls. It’s too much of a hassle in my opinion.”

-Hades put an arm around your shoulders, something that shocked you, “Then allow me to take you out on a date. You can make fun of people while we have a meal together.”

-You nodded, “Okay, I guess that sounds like fun. I want sushi.” Hades chuckled softly as you said goodbye to Hercules, walking out with him.

[fool16k]

Between skin and felt - part 1

It was a very boring day in the studio today, you did your job as the prop manager well enough that Mr. Darling never had to yell or scream at you to do your job correctly unlike most of the other seasoned employees that worked on Welcome Home. At least.. that’s what you thought. You happened to be having an off day, thinking about those weird dreams you were having about Mr. Darling and his literal bodyguard had you on edge, it didn’t help that they were also RIGHT there a few feet away from you.

As you go to lower the giant, exaggerated, cartoonish sun prop, your grip on the old rope they still used from refusing to extend the prop and maintenance budget slipped and the heavy plywood painted prop crashed to the ground.. narrowly hitting Janet.

“WHAT THE FUCK ASSHOLE!? YOU COULD’VE KILLED ME!!” The resounding crash the prop had made as it hit the ground caught the attention of almost everybody in the room and suddenly all eyes were on you.. Including Mr. Darling and Max. Your palms sweat as you nervously look everywhere except at all the eyes staring at you in the moment,

“It was an accident! The rope slipped out of my hands- it’s old and ratty.. and quit being so dramatic Janet. It wouldn’t have killed you.. just… seriously maimed you a bit..” The blond haired jerk of the studio had her mouth agape, and your comment got a few snickers out of the more dark humored interns that were currently working. She mumbles a few things underneath her breath as she angrily ushers past you to go somewhere else, and it’s quiet before a voice cuts through the air.

“My set.. is ruined.” Your eyes turn over to Wally, who is angrily staring at the main set for the show.. which is in pieces.

His rage is intense, white hot rage if you will. But he sounds so calm that it scares you way more than hearing him yell and scream ever would.

“You’re staying late and fixing this.” He turns to look at you, his eyes are in slits and you can see hints of teeth poking through the grimace he’s wearing on his yellow felted face. You can only seem to muster the courage to swallow thickly and nod lightly before staring at the floor as everybody goes back to discussing their plans, albeit much quieter, and you can still feel Wally and Max’s eyes on you.

But this point, everybody has long since gone home - but you were still stuck cleaning up the mess you made. Hopefully, this experience will show how much better equipment is needed for the set pieces and props. You were VERY late to a party you had gotten invited to. The fraggles were hosting it, and you had no idea how you managed to get put on their radar or invited to a party thrown by some of the most iconic puppet actors of all time but you weren't complaining. It took forever to break down the giant sun prop that crashed into the stage, and it was almost 9:00 at night and you were still here.

"Maybe I can just get here early tomorrow.." you look around and go to the employee locker room where you kept all your stuff, changing out of your work clothes and into the extra set you had brought with you, but as you’re changing you hear Wally Darling himself talking to Max.

“Oh Max.. you’re the only human who I trust enough to bring to this party.. I’m so glad you decided to come with me!”

“Hmph. Only because you would cry and bitch at me if I didn’t agree.”

“Language Maxxy.”

A party?? Maybe they were also going to the fraggles party.. you’ll just have to avoid them then. You didn’t want to imagine the look on Mr. Darlings face if he caught slacking off at a celebrity’s party and not fixing his set. You soon have your casual clothes on, and you’re driving up to a remote modestly sized mansion in the heart of Hollywood. The house is big and modern looking, the flashing colored lights and loud bass boosted music tells you you’re in the right place and you park down the road and walk up the winding gated driveway to the building..

The winding line of people trying to get in reveals that this is in fact the house of a celebrity, but as you’re about to get in line someone stops you.

“Oi’!! Get over here! You’re part of VIP.” You look over and see.. Boober. THE Boober is talking to you- and you listen- I mean, who wouldn’t?? You follow him to a side gate, that leads to the backyard. It’s the most lavish outdoor space you’ve ever experienced, there was a minibar. the gigantic pool had lights in the sides seemingly making the normally crystal clear water change colors magically and the gazebo had fairy lights hanging from it, along with a few tiki torches.

Boober leads you to the gazebo, having you sit down he has the bartender a few feet away make you both some cocktails before speaking.

"So... we've heard good things about you. I'm coming forward on behalf of all the Muppets and asking a huge favor..." You take a sip of your cocktail before speaking meekly.

"Well... I don't know what you've heard about me, but I hope I can help you." Boober seems to perk up a bit, his mouth twitching upwards into a small smile.

"I thought you'd say that. The directors for welcome home that move around say that you help out with a little bit of everything, and not just props..." That was true... you did tend to overwork yourself a bit. But you liked being helpful, and that is how you were raised.

"The writers' strike going on right now, has really dropped the amount of people on our writing team, and we're falling behind on production... since we heard you're a decent writer and storyteller from what we hear, we would like to ask you to-" Boober is interrupted, his head turning towards the person who spoke.

"Hey Boob'! Max wanted me to ask you if he could..-" It was your boss. Wally, and he was staring right at you, having not finished his sentence out of surprise and anger.

what would you do now??

So.. this is my first time ever actually posting a fanfiction I've written. I do plan on continueing this but i feel like it has sat in my drafts for too long already, so enjoy part one!

Actor AU is by @frillsand.

[mmmmmmmmmmmmsoup]

The cleaner

part 1

(This is my first short story, so please be kind, but I would also love some feedback)

Some background information: You are a dropout from the military, you were looking for a much needed job. Somehow, you landed a gig cleaning. Now you are a cleaner who picks up after a bunch of smelly dudes. But it’s not all bad, you get paid fairly well and the company(?) that you work for has given you rent free accommodations. These are your adventures!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! You wake up panicked, sitting up immediately only to find the source of the noise, your alarm clock. “Ugh”, you push the button to silence the alarm, while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

6:30AM was the time, it gave you enough time to get dressed, brush your teeth, eat, and anything else you needed to do before your shift started. As you looked in the mirror, putting your hair in a pony tail(or just pinning it up, if your hair is too short), you sighed “another day”. With one last look in the mirror, you headed out the door.

Getting to where you needed to work was no trouble, you literally had to walk across the gravel driveway and you were there. The company that hired you, gave you a little shack to stay in while your here. Not the nicest shack you’ve ever seen, but it had a bathroom, room for a bed, and a mini fridge. Which is more then most shacks have.

You’ve been working here for almost 2 weeks now, your still getting adjusted to the job, while the men that your cleaning up after, are getting adjusted with your presence. You haven’t talked to them a bunch, but you know they are an odd group, to say the least. there are 9 of them, some are fairly clean and even give you a hand with work, while others… less so.

As you make it inside the building, you look down at your check list that you carry around. “Let’s see here…garage has been done, all of the lower floor has been done, mmm. I guess all there is to do is clean the kitchen, sweep, mop the floors, and vacuum any rugs. Ok seems pretty low key for a Thursday, sweet!” You click your pen and get started with your day.

Threw out the day you have managed to clean the mess that was the kitchen, sweep and mop most of the rooms, with only a few more to go, and it isn’t even 1pm yet. You were on a role!

Currently you were vacuuming a rug that was located in what you would call, the living room. Mindlessly vacuuming, zoning out thinking about who knows what, when suddenly the vacuum stops. “Uh?” You try turning the vacuum off and on, nothing happens. “Please don’t tell me this thing just died on me!” Your eyes follow the wire of the vacuum to where you plugged it in, only to find a VERY large man standing there, with the end of the cord in his hand. ‘Holy fuck!’

The man was tall, like fucking ridiculous tall. He was more on the bigger side for body types, but you could tell it wasn’t just water weight, this man could knock the shit out of you if he wanted.

You started to sweat slightly “…can I help you?”. This guy did not look friendly, he wore a scowl on his face and is looking down at you as if you have done something wrong.

“You go on break now.”

Baffled, unsure you heard him correctly, “pardon?”

“You go on break now.” He says once more, with a thick Russian accent.

“Oh…OH! No, I’m ok, I’m just gonna finish up, then I’ll be done for the day.”

“No, you take break.” He insists, well not really insists more demands it, but yeah.

“No really, I’m almost done, won’t take anytime at all!”, you try to say without coming off as rude. ‘Let me do my job big scary man, and then you won’t have to see me for the rest of the day!!!’

“I make sandwiches.”, He blurts out.

….

“What?”

“I make sandwiches, you take break and eat.”

‘…well that was unexpected. I thought this guy just hated my guts, but he actually might be nice?’

“Oh….ok, I guess I can take a quick break, couldn’t hurt.” You say as you place the vacuum to the side.

“Good.” The giant starts to turn around and walk towards to kitchen/dining area, you follow.

as your walking, your trying to remember the name of this giant. When you first started working here, you had gotten a small introduction to the 9 men, but it was short, and names were never your thing. ‘What was it again? Henry? No that isn’t it… hoovey? Heavy? Heavy!’ As you both make it to the kitchen, there’s a table in the corner with a plate stacked with sandwiches, like atleast 25. A crazy amount of sandwiches, but maybe he made some for everybody? ‘Aw, that’s kinda sweet.’

As you sit down, heavy grabs you a plate and napkin. He doesn’t sit, “I go get everybody else.”

“Oh, ok”, as heavy walks away you grab a sandwich and place it on your place. ‘Should I wait for everyone else to get here? Heavy didn’t say anything about not eating right away.’ As your staring at the sandwich, you realize your gonna be in a room full of guys you don’t really know that well. Your anxiety is starting to set in, you’ve never been great at socializing, you start to tear at your napkin to try and sooth your social anxiety.

Suddenly out no where a bunch of guys basically run in to the kitchen, some grab a plate and sit down, while others grab one or two sandwiches and leave immediately, assuming to return to whatever they were doing before heavy told them about food.

“So your the newbie, eh?”, You look up to who spoke, it was a guy with a hard hat on and some goggles. He wore overalls that were stained with oil.

"er, yup. Well kinda, I’m just a cleaner.”, You shrug, as you reach for your sandwich.

“Well I’m engineer or engie, for short, just incase you forgot. Thanks for all the work you’ve done so far.” Engineer says with a smile, ‘what’s with all the weirdly specific names?’.

“Ja! I don’t think this place has looked better!” You turn to the man with the German accent. He has black hair, round glasses, and is wearing a doctor uniform. ‘I know his name starts with a M, so his name isn’t doctor….um mmm me- medic!’

“Well thank you, I try!” You say bashfully.

“Well I’m heading back to work, got this new blueprint I’ve been planning” engineer says, as he grabs a sandwich on his way out.

Now that engineer has left the room, there’s only 4 people in the room, including yourself.

Medic, was sitting across from you, while heavy was sitting beside him. Then there was a guy in a suit wearing a ski mask sitting to the right of you. ‘I have no fucking clue what his name could be. I wouldn’t even be able to guess, theif? Sketchy jewelry salesman?’

You start eating your sandwich, trying to avoid eye contact ‘this sandwich is actually pretty good!’

“So Y/N,” you hear medic say, you freeze and look up at him from across the table.

“How are handling your living arrangements? If you need anything fixed in that old shack of yours engineer can fix it for you!”

You swallow your bite of food “oh! It’s ok, I don’t need anything fixed. It’s got everything that I need, can’t complain.”

“I’m surprised you were ok living in a shack in the first place.” You hear a French voice to your right. It’s the guy that looks like a sketchy jewellery salesman.

“If I was you, I would have asked to be placed within the building itself, it’s not like we don’t have room” he continues. 

“Aw well, i’m sure your company just wanted to make sure it was kept professional is all.” You say nervously.

“I suppose…” He replies, grabbing a cigarette from his pocket.

‘I gotta get out of here!’

Before anyone else can put a another word in, or have to wait another minute in awkward silence, you take one last bite of your sandwich and stand up. “Well, I better be getting back to work! Thank you for the food heavy.”

Heavy nods and sort of grumbles in a thank you tone, as he scarfs down his 4th sandwich.

You put your plate in the sink, feeling a little guilty cause you just cleaned the kitchen, and now you might have to do it once more today.

“Don’t worry about the kitchen, we’ll clean up when we’re done!” Medic says from across the room. ‘He must have seen my conflicted face.’

“Oh, are you sure? it is my job to clean” you stress.

“Ja, I know you already cleaned to kitchen, the least we could do he deal with our own dishes.”

“Ok well, if your sure.”

You walk out of the kitchen to continue the list of chores you must do.

For the rest of the day, it doesn’t take you long to finish up. You put away all the cleaning supplies, and head outside to your shack.

On your free time you doodle in your sketch book, write down the names of your acquaintances, so hopefully you will remember next time and just chill.

You go to bed early so you can wake up early tomorrow to clean some more.



Ok! That’s part 1! How did I do??

I have no idea where I am going with this story, I just know I’ve been itching to write this. So if anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them

[mazeinthemiroh]

mingi sfw alphabet

genre: fluff

word count: 2.4k

warnings: none

requested?: yes

song rec: dance by offonoff

pls like and reblog if you enjoyed! feel free to request anything <3

a - affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection)

very affectionate!

he is so soft and has such a big heart, he wants to express his love in as many ways as he can, sometimes he has trouble doing so or hesitates

once you give him that reassurance where he feels like he can be free to express his affection how he wants, he becomes this cuddly, warm, welcoming bear yes i'm already crying

b - best friend (what would they be like as a best friend?)

he's so goofy and silly with his besties

always doing random stuff to make you laugh

you guys have plenty of inside jokes

but in general, its your crazy, crackhead energy you have with each other that makes your friendship with him elite

people will look at you with judging faces but really they are jealous of your closeness. they want the friendship you guys have so bad 💅

c - cuddles (would they like to cuddle? how do they cuddle?)

cuddling is like breathing for mingi

in the sense that he simply cannot live without it

he needs his cuddles AT LEAST once a day but preferably more

if he had the choice he would cuddle you all day every day. just in your arms, relaxing and talking and snuggling and just being close with each other. yeah, that's his safe space. his haven. his paradise

like i said in his boyfriend headcanons, his favourite cuddles are when you guys are just a bunch of tangled limbs together. a cuddly mess! it may look disorganised but its comfy for the two of you <3

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

does mingi want to settle down, hmm....

i think he'd really have to build up his trust with someone in order to want to do that

mingi can get overwhelmed quite easily too, so if he's in a busy and hectic place in his life, he would want to focus on one thing at a time. so settling down might not be an option for him until later on

when talking about household chores, mingi tries his best >.< but i think its fairly obvious that he much prefers cleaning than cooking. like he doesn't think he can be trusted in the kitchen at all lmao

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would probably go on wikiHow because thats how desperate for advice he is when dealing with this situation 💀

no but seriously though he has no idea how to handle this situation. he asks advice from yunho or hongjoong on how to break up with you easily, but each solution they come up with still doesn't sound easy for his liking

and he knows its not going to be easy. this is probably the hardest situation he's been in

he contemplates texting or calling you about it but he knows in his heart that breaking up in person is the right thing to do

when the time comes, he stutters through his explanation as to why he is breaking up with you, and avoids eye contact like his life depended on it

f = fiance (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

again, this will take a lot of time, a lot of trust, and a whole lot of love

yes he would want to get married in the future but it will take a long time for him to get to that stage with someone. trusting them and being vulnerable with them is a long process, a beautiful journey. he doesn't feel any aspects of the relationship should be rushed for either of you. taking your time is healthy

once he is ready to propose, he would know. the realisation would hit him so suddenly. 'wow, i really do want to be with this person forever. i mean... how could i live without them?'

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

gentle giant <3

we know this. we love him for it

sometimes he doesn't know his own strength though so if he hugs you too tight you would have to let him know 😭 poor baby just wants to hold you as close as possible, he can't tell if his hugs are bone-crushing sometimes!!

i feel like he's quite in touch with his own emotions, but sometimes its hard for him to understand other peoples

still, he always airs on the side of caution, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. he recognises being sensitive and gentle is such an advantage, and can diffuse any heated arguments

and because he's quite sensitive, he also appreciates his s/o being emotionally gentle, probably more than anything else

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

he loves hugs, ofc he does

he is a teddy bear :(

will simply wrap his long arms around you whenever he sees you. it doesn't matter what you're doing, he needs to give you a squish!! its important to him!!!!!

greets you with a hug and leaves you with a hug. and if he doesn't get those hugs from you he will be all pouty until the next time he sees you

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

those three words is something mingi would want to say probably straight away

because he wouldn't be dating you if he wasn't hopelessly in love with you, yk?

but he will hold himself back. he doesn't want to come off as too much, especially if you guys are very early in your relationship

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they're jealous?)

his jealousy stems from insecurity more than anger

if he sees someone getting too close to you in an obvious way, he starts to get down about himself

he starts thinking that you deserve better than him, and starts becoming more distant, unless you properly reassure him that he is, infact, the only one you have eyes for

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

soft and frequent

mingi is like a weird mixture of shy and confident, his mood depends on the day. so some days he's all giggly when you give him lots of kisses, but most days he smothers you with soft pecks all over

and he's got gorgeous lips. so soft and smooth, and they mould perfectly into yours, as his lips were made for you alone

he loves trailing little butterfly kisses on your neck to make you giggle and blush. just imagine his beautiful smile when he gets you to laugh that way

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

thinks they are super cute but sometimes he doesn't know what to do with them

so he can be kinda awkward around them if he is not with someone else

might resort to just tickling them or making silly faces, which seems to do the trick most of the time

but mingi panics if a child starts to cry like he has no idea what to do???? and he doesn't wanna be blamed for whatever the kid is crying about lmao

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

lazy mornings are the best

he wants to wake up next to your beautiful angel face and cuddle you for another hour. thats just his ideal morning summed up

but he usually doesn't get that luxury. its either wake up earlier than usual in order to cuddle with you, or he gets more of a lie-in, a proper rest before he has to wake up, but then he misses out on cuddles with you :(

and it is usually the latter most mornings. this man works hard all day every day and sometimes he can't resist getting a few extra winks in before he has to get up. and honestly, you can't blame him, you'd do the same

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

relaxed and, you guessed it: cuddly!!!!!

as soon as he walks through the front door he is putting his pyjamas on and flopping on the sofa

and requests you do the same

so after you guys have eaten and everything he really just wants to sit and chill with you, maybe putting on netflix as background noise as you guys talk and cuddle

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

deep and personal things are usually saved for later on in the relationship. he doesn't want to reveal too much too soon

but at some point, perhaps during a date, he starts to overshare quicker than he would like to. he does this when he is particularly nervous but its like an instant regret for him because he doesn't want to overload you with too much too soon

but luckily you are super understanding and don't mind how or when he reveals things to you, you're just grateful that he does

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

i don't mingi getting angered very easily

he's more likely to get more sad than anything else

or maybe his anger and sadness coincide

i can see him, in a really heated argument, raise his voice more. but his voice would break easily, and tears would be in his eyes. anger and sadness to him are sort of a fusion

like if you betrayed his trust for instance, he would be so hurt, asking demanding questions like "how could you do this to me?? how can i trust you now??"

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

his memory lowkey sucks hbdhbfjddjh

its ok though, he makes up for that with plenty of other stuff

but yeah sometimes he can't remember important dates and he is certainly forgetful of particular details

but he is the type of person to remember the randomest stuff. he would reference an occasion that happened years again and would remember the most unnecessary information about it, which you laugh about and find it endearing

r = remember (what is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

he cherishes the times where you guys are crying with laughter together

just the sheer joy you guys experience when you are with each other is beyond him

he cannot remember someone he has laughed that hard with. a laugh so hard that it made him forget all his worries, all his anxieties, responsibilities, negative thoughts. just you and him, fighting for breath, tears beading at the corner of your eyes as you explode in fits of laughter together

he lives for those moments

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

i would say he is protective of you, just as you are of him

its a very fair, two-sided relationship you share

you make him feel the safest he's ever felt before. he cherishes that feeling above all things. it blows his mind how much more he is able to relax with you and able to feel content just by being himself

so he feels its his duty to protect you. he wants to. he needs to. you are his safe space; if anything happens to you he would never be able to forgive himself

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he always makes sure your dates are cute and fun! something you can both enjoy together

but his efforts lie mainly in gift giving. he waits in anticipation as you open the gifts he has gotten you and spent time carefully choosing for you, and he gets such a rush of happiness when he sees your reaction once you finally have the gift

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

why was this so hard for me to think of, he is literally perfect umm

i'd say a bad habit of mingi's is that he lets his low self-esteem get the better of him

he doesn't trust himself with things. he doesn't think he is capable compared to other people. he usually falls into the mindset that he is not good enough, which is obviously not true

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

can get insecure at times, like all of us

wishes he could change certain aspects of himself, especially when he is in a bad headspace

but also gets these random spurts of confidence when he thinks he's the hottest most handsomest man ever to grace the earth with his presence i mean, where's the lie?

we love a confident mingi 🙌

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes.

you are his baby, his precious, his everything

that's it

x = xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

as said in the boyfriend headcanons, mingi really likes it when you wear his clothes

he has no idea why, maybe its a visual representation of you coming to trust and love every [part of him

or maybe its because you just look hella cute and he melts every time you snuggle into one of his hoodies

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

someone who has no patience. no tolerance. no time for other people's emotions

he can't be with someone who doesn't understand or isn't willing to learn about mental health. someone who isn't compassionate and simply doesn't care about anyone's feelings but their own

he prioritises kindness above all things in a relationship, be it platonic or romantic

z = zzz (what is a sleep habit of theirs?)

will snore loudly in your ear i'm sorry in advance

also uses you as a pillow. will either hug you in his sleep and never let you go orrrrrr he will rest his head on your chest or on your lap. he finds it so comforting

[misscarnivalofcarnage]

SFW Alphabet: Jerome Valeska

,,I‘m more than a man. I‘m an idea, a philosophy. And I will live on in the shadows, within Gotham‘s discontent“

This is so corny o my god

A= Affection

How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?

Okay so of all the metaphorical rock stars you could meet in Gotham, Jerome's da choice if you're looking for someone to give you a lot of affection

One way he uses to show you his affection is physical contact. He loves to kiss and hug his S/O. Especially in public, he likes to wrap his arms very tightly around your waist to spread kissies all over your face

Moreover this man wastes no opportunity to tell you & others how great you are. He is thrilled with you, worshippes the ground you walk on and has zero shame in admitting it

If you like to be given gifts, he would also fulfill those wishes, even if he can't really relate to that, in view of the fact that he simply prefers physical closeness over material things

B= Best Friend

What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?

Your friendship started either in Arkham or in the circus:

• You came to his attention in Arkham. Either he's heard a lot about you and you're entertaining enough to keep around , or you've been otherwise interesting and made him curious

• You approached him in the circus. Maybe you saw that he was beaten up by his mother and felt sorry for him, so you decided to take him under your wing

No matter what option it has been, you're now part of Jerome‘s plans and you better take part in them because bores are not appreciated. Be prepared to be dragged into dangerous shit and watch your buddy slap his ass in goofy suits before swinging it on a cannon to kill an orphan

C= Cuddles

Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?

Aw hell yes. Since his Love-Language is physical contact, he likes nothing better than to lie in the, in his eyes, godlike arms of his S/O. It gives him a feeling of warmth and love, feelings he has been missing all his life. He feels a sense of security to be so close to you

Jerome’s probably the type of guy that likes to lay on his S/O to rest his head on their chest.

Preferably, they crawl through his red hair, too

But, however, he wouldn't mind turning it around so that you can lay their head on his chest

Apart from that, he likes to grab you by the waist to pull you onto his lap. Now you‘re sitting on his lap, which is btw obligatory

D= Domestic

Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?

No, that probably wouldn't be possible, at least not in Gotham. Thanks to his insanely long criminal record, you'd never be able to stay in the same place for long and would have to move frequently. Besides, he's not used to living in one place for more than a few weeks, since he grew up in a circus

Yet in the places where you would live, living together would be surprisingly pleasant. At least as far as the household is concerned

(As I’m not sure whether you would find the dragging of hostages and corpses very funny)

His mother was away time and time again for nights on end, which made him have to take care of himself once in a while for years. As well this kid was condemned to take care of the dishes while his begetter was banged by a clown next door or to take care of giant elephant crap in the very very freezing winter

So he is used to cooking and cleaning

However, my incredibly professional advice would be, to not leave him unattended in a kitchen. Relying on him to clean up messes is also something to avoid

Nevertheless cooking together so that someone has an eye on which buttons he pushes, on the other hand, is something that might even be fun

E= Ending

If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do that?

Depending on his reasoning, he‘ll act

If you've become boring, he'll distance himself from you further until you hear nothing more from him personally. Or he simply makes off straight away

As a substitute he decides to make sure you’re fun again by making a pig of you in front of his cult

But if you betrayed him, he'd probably give you a clean shot in the head. On the one hand as a short-circuit reaction, on the other because you were important to him. Alternatively he would be so merciful and forgive you after abundant psychological punishments

F= Fiance(e)

How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?

Since he‘s head over heels about you, he sees nearly ridiculous many advantages in a wedding and would have no doubts about it

You‘d share a last name (preferably his), you would wear his, stolen from a jeweler, ring and you'd be officially his. What more could he possibly want?

(Needless to say that he couldn’t be more indifferent to the legal benefits)

If it were up to him, you could marry him almost right away. He believes that what you have is special and that it will last forever, so why not seal this thing?

G= Gentle

How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?

Physically, he'd be quite cautious at first, but would squeeze tighter and tighter over time when he hugs you. Seeing as when he wants physical contact, he wants it as tight as possible. Very tight. The kind of tight where you struggle with breathing

Emotionally, you're safe with him when you feel like a piece of trash. He'll want to cheer you up, offer himself for a hug, after all he knows how it feels to be alone

He wouldn't even hesitate if something bigger was needed, such as huge fireworks or another terrorist act

Jerome tries his best to be emotionally gentle. After being abused all his life, he’s used to suppressing his feelings, only to explode at some point, which he tries to avoid with you

But in any case, it‘s certain that he would never raise his hand against you

H= Hugs

Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?

Oh definitely. Physical contact is very important to him and he won‘t let it be taken away

As I mentioned in the column above, he loves tight hugs. As soon as he has the chance, he’ll wrap his arms around you and hug you TIGHTLY from behind. Or very TIGHTLY from the front. Or he'll pick you up TIGHTLY and start spinning around

He also insists that he is the one to break up the hug, which he sometimes really takes his time to do

I= I love you

How fast do they say the L-Word?

He says what he thinks, and that includes when it comes to tell you how he feels

Once he is aware of his feelings, he wouldn‘t hesitate to tell you that he loves you. On the contrary, he would like nothing better

My man would also have no problem telling not only you, but all of Gotham about it. I mean he wouldn't brand "I LOVE YOU, YN!!!!" into Gotham's skyscrapers, that's too corny for him, but there‘s no universe where he would deny it

J= Jealousy

How jealous do they get? What do they do when they‘re jealous?

Once you've entered his sight picture and he has decided that he wants you, he sees you as his

And it's really not hard to tell that he's not going to share you with anyone

His jealousy can take on enormous proportions, to the point that he'll do anything to keep you all for himself

Not like his brother, he wouldn’t plan ahead to get his competition out of the way. He would solve the dilemma like a reasonable, grown ass man

Very publicly and very dramatically

His target will be stalked, humiliated and killed in a hella twisted way

No matter how he ends up doing it, on TV, at an interrupted live concert, or a captured circus, he‘ll make damn sure you see it

K= Kisses

What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?

He kisses his S/O everywhere. Cheek, temples, hairline, neck, shoulders and, of course, lips

A French kiss with him will probably take some getting used to, as he probably drools an incredible amount

He loves to be kissed on the hairline and on the cheek (especially after having his face cut off). Apart from that, he also loves to be kissed on the lips

And of course on his di-

L= Little ones

How are they around children?

Thanks to his childish nature, he is good with kids. He would love to play with them, watch cartoons and make jokes

Children would love him, too, until his first death. The sewn-on face would prob freak them out

I wouldn't say that he would be a good father, because I consider the methods of education that he would use to be more than questionable and would show dangerous, violent psychopaths as results, but who am I to judge

M= Morning

How are mornings spent with them?

Jerome's a ball of pure energy, thus he doesn't need much sleep, which is why he wakes up early. He def won’t wait for you to wake up by yourself, since he'll be bored soon afterwards. Instead, he’ll kiss you awake, hit you with a pillow or jerk you until you finally open your pretty eyes

When he's done with that and you're awake, he’ll either hold you against his chest or kiss you (either very gently, or very intimately to get you to sleep with him)

I'd say that he's the type of person who doesn't eat in the morning before getting ready, so preparing a huge breakfast wouldn‘t make sense

N= Night

How are nights spent with them?

Surprisingly relaxing when he's not busy turning Gotham into a giant madhouse

Before you go to sleep, which you never do without each other btw, you two watch his name constantly popping up on the TV news or play some video games. But when it's time to go to sleep, you listen to him talk about his plans for what feels like hours while you drift off in his arms

O= Open

When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait to reveal things slowly?

Obviously, he has no trouble admitting in front of a bunch of people that he was abused by his mother and dragged around the country with a circus (which he apparently thought was pretty ass), so it won't be any different for you

However, there‘ll be things that he wouldn’t tell you. Like his brother, for example. It'll take some time for him to reveal that, if at all

But other than that, there's probably invariably little he wouldn't tell you. In any case, he is anything but a private person

P= Patience

How easily angered are they?

As I said before, he bottles up his anger to the point where he explodes. That can have many causes:

Did you upset him? Has he been confronted with his childhood? Is someone using you to get to him?

Then, when it comes to his explosion, they can get pretty violent. Even if he didn't hurt physically you, it'd become extremely uncomfortable, even for you

In the meantime, he's no longer so prone to getting extremely angry. He either laughs his penis off or destroys whatever is a thorn in his side, before he‘s really starting to worry

Q=Quizzes

How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

He remembers everything

Everything

No matter what you’ve said or done, he'll remember it. Unfortunately, this also applies to the embarrassing stuff that you did in his presence. He won‘t forget em either

More likely he‘ll remind you every time it comes into his head

R= Remember

What is their favorite moment in your relationship?

Besides the moments when you guys made a mad mess, he also likes to remember simpler, formative moments in your relationship

Since the rest of this post is already so hella corny, it doesn't make a difference now anyway, fuck it, so let’s just say he likes to remember your first kiss, your first meeting and the day he asked you out

If I'm honest, he also likes his memories where you were intimate. If I'm being even more honest, he thinks about them all the time

S= Security

How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?

I don't think he expects you to protect him. But he‘d kinda enjoy it

If you put yourself in enormous danger, he would melt, but wouldn't find it very funny. If you were to help him out with a small argument, things would be different. THAT would be funny

Jerome doesn't take you out to protect him, but it's obviously vice versa with you. He suffers from jealousy, but doesn't feel like he has to isolate you to protect. His presence is enough to keep creeps off your back. I mean, He is Jerome Valeska, he has a name in Gotham. But if that's not enough, he doesn’t mind taking care of the problem another way

T= Try

How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?

Whatever you like and also suits his taste will be done. He spares no effort, no breaking of the law, and no dead ppl

He has a thousand ideas, which makes the difficulty of making a decision his only problem

While he would appreciate suggestions, he prefers the ideas to come only from his head. He wants to take care of special occasions, and will make sure it's a blast

U= Ugly

What would be some bad habits of theirs?

Shittily, he has little understanding if you're not keen on being in the spotlight

I mean he’s a showman, obviously!

Even if he naturally wants to be the star of his show, there's certainly some room for you too, so once he makes it back on stage, he'll make sure you're by his side. On stage, in front of all his followers cheering and applauding for the two of you

Apart from that, living with him will be more than nerve-wracking. Chaos, he constantly seeks your attention and behaves like a violent child

V= Vanity

How concerned are they with their looks?

I must admit that I don't quite agree with the headcanon that all his self-confidence is fake, since many sociopaths are eventually confident to a whole different degree

He's aware that he’s a fucking smoke show.

Doesn't mean that the thing with his face didn't bother him even a little. After a while he came to terms with the fact that he had to staple his face on for a while so he wouldn't lose it, but by now he's cool with it

W= Whole

Would they feel incomplete without you?

You're probably the most important part of his life. Without the first and only person who really loved him for who he is, took care of him and made him feel safe & understood, he'd know he was missing somethin

He’d no longer have anyone to talk to, who would let him get close and with whom he could enjoy a nice life together

Especially because he knows he wouldn't find a replacement anywhere that could fill the void you leave behind

So yea, he would

X= Extra

A random headcanon for them

He was one of those kids who wasn't allowed to drink Coke or other drinks that contained too much sugar

Caffeinated substances and too many sweets made him hyperactive, and if he had friends for a sleepover, he would have gone off like Missy in Big Mouth, would he have consumed one of these

Y= Yuck

What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner

Uhhhhhh

Aside from a boring one, there would be another S/O who is too obsessed with him. Don't get me wrong: he loves it when you show him off and are head over heels with him, however he doesn't want to be controlled and manipulated

Needless to say that he does not want to be spanked by his partner. Neither just like that (okay well who would want that) nor if it’s something sexual

Z= ZZZ

What is a sleep habit of theirs?

He sleeps restlessly and moves incredibly much. He also laughs and talks in his sleep

I can't decide if he's a light sleeper so one wrong move is enough to wake him up, or if he's such a deep sleeper you could hit him with a golf club until he doesn't wake up at all lol

[aphrodites-law]

Clexa 25 please 🙏🏽

(Seven universe)

Lexa wakes up to a cloud of black smoke. It isn’t from a fire or other disaster, that much she can tell from the absence of smell. The dark mass hovers over the bed like a slumbering giant, making a crackling sound every so often. She reaches up to touch it and immediately regrets the move, retracting her finger with a hiss. The cloud fucking stung her. 

A loud crash of pots and pans makes her jolt out of bed. If she’s now used to strange sights upon waking up, large noises still unsettle her. Admittedly, life was a bit quieter before Clarke (but entirely dull). 

Lexa rushes to the kitchen but freezes just outside. Beyond the door is nothing but inky blackness. Like peering into a bottomless chasm. 

“Ah, fuck!” 

At least, Lexa recognizes her girlfriend’s dulcet tone. 

“Clarke?” she calls out, gripping the edge of the door without stepping inside quite yet. Prone to vertigo, Lexa can admit she feels queasy when glancing down at the darkness. It’s almost like looking at the deep space. She can even see tiny flickers of light, like little stars. 

“In the kitchen!” says Clarke. 

Lexa squints. “Where is the kitchen? Are you okay in there?”

Clarke finally emerges from the dark. There is something like soot on her face and she looks completely defeated. “I fucked up.”

Lexa leans against the wall, biting back a smile. “Oh really? You didn’t mean to summon a smokey abyss into our home?” 

Clarke huffs. “I meant for us to have breakfast in space. I made an illusion potion but I think, uh, I messed up an ingredient.” 

“You think?” 

“Can we cut the sarcasm?” Clarke pouts.

Lexa laughs heartily as she wipes off the substance on Clarke’s cheeks. “I kinda preferred the time when I woke up to the pink cloud that smelled like bread.” 

Clarke looks up at their ceiling. “Ugh, it was supposed to be contained to the kitchen. I’ve been trying to put it back in the jar for hours but it has a mind of its own.” 

“Uh-huh.”

“It was going to be really romantic, too.”

“Breakfast in a dark pit of hell does spell out romance.”

“It’s not like that from the inside!” Clarke insists. “It just smells a little funky. Come on, let me show you.”

“I’m okay.”

“Babe, it’s harmless! Take my hand.”

Lexa complies reluctantly. Living with a witch has certainly made the unpredictable commonplace, but she knows Clarke wouldn’t pull her into danger. 

They disappear in the black cloud, where Lexa finds that she can actually see things. It’s exactly as Clarke said: Like walking around while suspended in space, with stars in the background and other celestial bodies not too far away. It’s stunning, if a little… wonky. 

“It’s not to scale, obviously,” Clarke says nervously. As if Lexa would ever question such magic. She feels something stick to her face and touches it, finding a layer of the same substance Clarke has. It feels grainy yet soft under her fingertips. 

“Residue,” Clarke explains dejectedly. Magical residue is usually a sign the potion went wrong. “This is going to be a nightmare to clean up.”

Lexa kisses her cheek. “It looks really nice, though.”

“No, it’s a total disaster,” Clarke sighs, defeated. “I didn’t mix the ingredients correctly. It’s like we’re inside a Picasso.” 

“No! No. I think it’s different. It’s…” Lexa feels a shift in her chest and smiles. “It’s very you.”

Clarke frowns. “Messy?”

Lexa cups her cheeks. “Thoughtful. And creative. Ingenious, really.”

“Oh, well…” Clarke smiles shyly. 

“You are,” Lexa continues, feeling so utterly amazed by the woman in front of her. “I didn’t think I’d ever enjoy waking up to a world of bizarre every day - by my standards anyway - but I do. It means you’re around. That you’re doing what you love. And I really-” Lexa cuts herself off, realizing what she’s about to say.

Clarke’s eyes widen as she understands the meaning beneath her words. She bites her lip. “Say it.”

Lexa’s smile grows. It’s not like they haven’t discussed this before, but still... she had a plan. “I was going to do it by the lake in the forest.”

Clarke shakes her head, standing closer. “Here is perfect. Anywhere with you is.”

“Charmer.”

“You’re stalling,” Clarke points out, tearing up.

Lexa takes a breath. “I guess it’s appropriate. We’ve been through the dark before and we came out of it stronger, together. I don’t want to imagine a world without you, and there’s no one else I’d stand with inside a dubious black cloud.”

Clarke laughs, and the next part comes easy for Lexa: “Clarke Griffin, will you be with me for the rest of our lives and whatever comes next?” 

“Yes, yes, yes.” Clarke kisses her between each word, bursting with love for the woman who has turned her own world upside down. And it’s no small feat for a human to surprise a witch the way Lexa has, every day and in every way. 

[answrs]

got like a third of the way through scraping this mess off and getting pissed I was gonna have to completely re-alcohol-wash this gal with all the exploding debris getting evwhere. then FINALLY had the thought of

'oh yeah. I wonder how this is stuck to the base. it would make it a LOT easier to get the plaster/dirt off that way'

and uh.

y'all. y'all it had two screws just shoved up through the board. TWO. SCREWS. NOT EVEN ATTACHED TO ANYTHING JUST STABBED INTO THE FORM.

anyway I decided fuck this disaster of a base entirely and I'm gonna just make a new one. found a lovely natural wood slice at Michaels with the bark around the edges and I'm gonna use that. probably skip the moss and just have it on a clean wood base.

anyway looking at the lil kid and seeing the underside of the body..... whoever mounted this guy either really cheesed the process doing it *or* performed an actual dang miracle on what would've been a non-mountable pelt lmao.

besides some major rips and tears (not very visible in photos) among other things it's missing an entire hind leg (I suspect the remaining one likely was cut off and swapped sides too) and either a chunk of belly skin didn't make it or the form was too big and they didn't wanna shave it down. it's held together with tacks and giant globs of hot glue. I wish I was joking. though considering the sad attempt at sewing the leg to the haunch I probably shouldn't be surprised? (if anything the hidden tacks look *better* than the very visible sewing attempts which is... oof.)

getting the rest of this moss where it's been cemented into the fur is going to be the biggest fucking pain in the ass though... rip my sanity these next few days. at least I can return that moss and get my 30 bucks (ha! pun!) back.

also! don't have to stick my elbows into a gross textural nightmare when finishing painting up the ear now, *or* work around the massive board (even a clean one which that thing sure ain't), which is a win any day of the week.