#i’m assuming you were talking about Rivet lol

[theramblingsofadork]

⭐️ (About the expression chart) I dunno why but River is giving MAJOORR B2 energy (for the first chart)

“You have the intel for me?”

— Honestly, this is probably Rivet during The War/Downfall arc, since she does go through a pretty rough patch. The vibes make sense. XD

(Shadowless one included below the cut too since I like it better ^^)

[survey--s]

489.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Making the bed and airing out the bedroom lol. Not very exciting I know but it’s stuff that needs doing.

What was the last thing you said aloud? Right cats, dinner time!

Have you bought anything new this week? Yeah, a new vacuum cleaner and a new waterproof jacket. Riveting stuff, I know lol.

Name one person who made you smile today. Susie.

What’s the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

Ever go camping? Nah, it’s never been something that appeals to me. Maybe if we lived somewhere with guaranteed decent weather I would give it a go, but around here it just rains all the time haha.

What’s your favorite candy? Depends on my mood really.

Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Yeah, most days but they’re not very interesting, it’s just often the easiest way to communicate as mobile signal can be really patchy around here. 

Have you ever gone to a strip club? No.

Last sporting event you watched? Uhh, I have no idea - maybe tennis? I’m not really into sports.

What were you doing at 8am this morning? Messing around on my phone in bed.

Anything you wish you could change? No, not really.

Do you go in at a fast food place or drive thru? We normally go in as it’s quicker, but it depends.

What do you think when you hear Australia? My family.

Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? My mum, I think? I don’t really talk on the phone all that much.

Do you like Chinese food over pizza? It depends on my mood. I love a decent Chinese takeaway but the supermarket versions can be awful.

Do you have a tan? Ha, no.

Biggest annoyance in life right now? Period pains. I swear I ALWAYS get my period when I’m off work or due to do something fun lol.

Do any of your friends have children? Well, I wouldn’t really consider them my friends, but yeah.

Are you jealous of anyone? Anyone who has the time and money to own a horse on their own property.

Where is your dad? I assume he’s at home. I don’t live with my parents.

Any plans today? As little as possible as it’s my first proper day off work in weeks. So far I’ve just been messing about online, watching TV and catching up on some housework lol.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? Yeah, in restaurants and stuff, but we don’t really use straws at home.

Last song listened to? Behind the Wall by Tracy Chapman.

Do you take vitamins daily? No - we do have some in the cupboard but I never remember to take them lol.

Is anyone jealous of you? Not as far as I’m aware.

What are you doing tomorrow? I have a beach ride in the morning and then I’ll probably take a bath and just hang out at home as I suspect my legs will be like jelly haha.

What’s your favorite number? Thirteen.

Do you have a maid come in and clean your house? No, and tbh I wouldn’t want one - I don’t like the idea of someone touching my stuff and being in my home when I’m not there. I don’t mind cleaning though.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I can’t say that I’ve ever tried.

Cedar Point or Six Flags? We don’t have either of those places here.

Have you ever slept in until 1 PM? Only a few times when I’ve been jetlagged. I like a lie-in but if I sleep too late I feel like I’ve wasted my day for some reason, even if I have no real plans.

Do you believe in love at first sight? No.

Do you like the show Viva La Bam? Haven’t heard of it.

How many kids do you want to have? Zero.

Have you ever gone behind your parents backs? Sure, I can’t imagine there are many adults alive who never lied to their parents lol.

Have you ever lost someone? Yeah.

Where did you get your worst scar from? Falling off the monkey bars when I was about eleven.

What time did you wake up today? 6am when Mike’s alarm went off but I didn’t get out of bed until about half eight.

Have you ever tried to erase someone from your memory? No, not really? I’ve tried to spend less time thinking about certain people though.

Last meal? Vegemite on toast.

Do you like coco pebbles the cereal? Are they like coco pops? If so, yeah, but my parents never bought cereal like that so I only ever got to have it on holiday or at sleepovers lol.

Last time you saw your father? Just before Christmas.

Last time you cried? When the vet said she thought Archie might have cancer. Thankfully it turned out to be a hystiocytoma and the medication cleared it up but I was SO worried as he’s only five.

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? I am married and are you talking about the wedding? Because ours was tiny and we spent more money on the honeymoon.

Would you freak out if you were to get pregnant by the last person you hooked up with? I’d be freaked out if I was pregnant in general.

When’s the last time something turned out better than expected? So, one of my customers has taken on their daughters’ spaniel puppy and they asked me to walk him with their two adult dogs - I was DREADING it as the collies can be a bit of a nightmare but actually the spaniel fits right in and they collies actually behave even better now.

Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Nobody.

Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No, my parents weren’t educated in England.

What’s something you complain about frequently? Period pain, dog owners who can’t control their dogs, Mike not tidying up his mess after he’s been in the kitchen.

Do you have anything planned for the summer? Nah, it’s only April. I’ll probably be working most of the summer.

Do you walk fast or slow? It depends.

What form of public transport do you use most often? I don’t use public transport.

Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Yeah, Mike has some cider in there.

Is any part of you sad at all? No.

Who was the last person to disappoint you? I don’t remember.

Have you ever let someone go? Sure.

Are you a patient person? Not particularly.

Do you think you’ve changed over the past year? Sure, I don’t really think it’s possible to go a year without changing at all.

Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? No.

Your ex is sitting next to you, what do you do? I would probably just awkwardly ignore him lol.

Are you someone who worries too often? Not so much anymore.

Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? I’m 34 and married - what do you think?

Do you ever think “what if” about anything? Sure, who doesn’t?

Is the last person you kissed older than you? He is indeed.

Does everyone deserve a second chance? No.

Are you emotionally strong? I mean, it depends. In some respects I am, in others...not so much.

Is there anyone you don’t wanna lose? Sure.

Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? No.

Do you think two people can last forever? Until one of them dies, sure.

Do you like falling asleep listening to the rain? I like the idea of it, but the reality is that it just makes me want to pee, lol.

Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yeah. Do you believe that the last person that you kissed cares for you? I know he does.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? Yes, for the most part. There’s nothing I would change, anyway.

Do you honestly have feelings for someone at the moment? I honestly do.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as the opposite sex? Of course.

Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over? I mean, there are things in my life that will impact me forever.

Have you dated someone older than you? Yeah.

[washackedbyposers]

Refuse, Health, and Diplomacy

People of Earth, That was a lovely boot camp this morning. Did y'all find what you were looking for? Thank you for visiting The Inferno and noting that I am quite efficient when it comes to picking up roadside refuse and not particularly compulsive about sorting it out, as long as it gets into the garbage or, if appropriate, the recyling. LOL. I used put the pressure on to "remember what we have learned". The Bibles reflect a very long era of warfare on Earth and include brilliant solutions and riveting history along with much that instigates turmoil and conflation; diligence in study and modern application to daily life improves one's ability to communicate within a historical perspective. Understandng the bases of myths and allegories and unraveling the conflations leave one less prone to jumping to conclusions and other error. As they are edited as a living work, The Bibles help us avoid making the same mistakes as our ancestors and help us prevent future conflicts through modeling peaceful outcomes to semi-syclical conficts with pens rather than swords. At the moment, I again have no known enemies on Earth, which is only notable in that I have been widely identified as The King of Earth AND Satan AND at peace with God for some long years. Thus, there really should no be war any more. In fact, I FORBID war and violence and forcefulness of all kinds. We are so much more civilized than all that--no matter who you are--TALK or WRITE it out, family. I see many reflections of people's improving health and our improving society. Our corrections of the medical systems are sinking in, although the popular media and literature delay somewhat in underlining the basics. Becoming positively engaged on one's work and local community, taking pride in our work, and much more walking and jogging and other exercise (as opposed to driving) makes life, stress levels, cognition, and health and longevity FAR more manageable. Working, contributing, and accomplishing good tasks is SOO important to one's sense of well-being in our social species, and I'm proud to see people valuing their work without the rat-race competition of the past. I suppose I salute a lot; I assume y'all know that this is out of respect for the flag, the soldiers, and the workers. I still don't see people staring straight into the sun much (I know, y'all are busy), so I worry that the importance of this technique (brief glances at first!) for improving eye, mood, and spine health has been swept under the rug tin an effort to promote more expensive and less healhy remedies. Picking up trash on the roadside helps built tolerance to toxins and immunity to sickness. :-) They say on the albeit oft-discredited sound system that i am the healthiest person on Earth, since I recovered from a vicious "Coronvirus" flu in 10 hours and can jog around the entire perimeter of Arcata or back from McKinleville Airport or around the whole North Humboldt Bay non-stop in a few hours, etc. Most medications can be taken at low levels; coffee is the only one that I do NOT recommend AGAINST in large quantities. Chocolate is SOOO good for the brain but not great on the bowels, Prunes and burritos and coffee help if your health is, e.g., threatened by human traffickers verbally abusing you on the toilet in in hopes that you will die of toxic shock syndrome induced by constipation. Just a reminder. Bless y'all. Thank you, troops, for teaching me so much about health and resilience. --Albert Theodore (Tristan) McKee, 841 Bayside Road, # 16, Arcata, CA, 95521. email: oldmansaturn@aol.com

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hey there! :) This is for the OC Ask Game, for Harrison: could you answer questions 1-6, 14 &15? Hope you're doing well!

Oh let’s just expose Harrison *cracks knuckles*

1: List five basic facts about your OC.

He’s turning 22 (just shy of his birthday in Moth Work)

He’s gay as fuuuuuh

He’s from Brooklyn, NY

He’s an only child

If you come for his jacket, he’ll come for your life (a very basic fact)

2: Post a line of dialogue from your OC.

This is dialogue from book 3 that I still can’t get over (for context, Reeve is criticizing Harrison’s choice of Walmart as a gourmet pie shop back when Walmart used to be a big thing in my books lmaooo):

Reeve: “So your gourmet pie shop is Walmart?”

Harrison: “Why yes, actually… Do you have a problem with saving money and living better?” 

lmfaoooo

Also an iconic interaction from Moth Work:

Lonan: “You’re patronizing me.”

Harrison: “You’re patronizing yourself.” 

3: Post a snippet from your writing that describes your OC.

So this is the first ever description of Harrison from book 1 (I had just turned thirteen when I wrote this):

There’s a faint click somewhere to my right and a soft glow soon illuminatesthe room, shattering the darkness into pieces. I shake off the fact that Ican’t see where the light is coming from, instead pointing the still loaded gunat the first thing I see, a boy who looks a bit older than me with what I makeout to be honey blond hair and the most pissed off expression on his face. 

(fun fact I really wrestled with describing the colour of Harrison’s hair at the time and probably changed “honey blonde” from “honey brown” like 5000 times, 13-year-old me had BEEF with his hair colour)

4: Post a snippet from your writing in which another OC describes your OC.

This is a very old description I scavenged to find from book 6 where Reeve vaguely describes Harrison in the first paragraph which is one way to go about it:

Beside me is wood smoke and copper, leather and strong coffee, all strung around human flesh. He moves with precision, like a player focused on a riveting chess match…

And here’s the most recent paragraph (and the last paragraph in Lonan’s POV) of Lonan describing Harrison when they meet up for the first time after brief hiatus (I haven’t shared this yet, so for context, Suzanna is Harrison’s mother):

In the kitchen, Suzanna laughs at Eliza’s joke, something vaguely about Geminis, or maybe she says alibis. He doesn’t quite hear it. He doesn’t mean to drop the rose, but it falls with a muffled thump between them, a floral border. Lonan blinks many times. He breathes many times. He counts many times. But after all the tests—the blinking, the breathing, the counting, the person at the door doesn’t change. Sunshine hair. Concerned mouth. Semi-crooked nose. Butterfly lashes. Eyes the colour of a kingfisher.

5: Describe your OC’s physical appearance.

Harrison’s the cutest guy in town, so cute he managed to convince @sarahkelsiwrites to get me to write book one! Without Harrison’s cuteness, this 8 book series/monstrosity would not exist! As I’ve said, Harrison’s a cutie and should definitely be treated as such (the downfall of Moth Work loool). He’s shorter than Lonan by just a bit tho I really can’t think of how tall my characters are because I am apparently short and can’t imagine anyone a foot taller than me, so all you need to know is he’s tall but still shorter than Lonan lol. He looks a lot like his Portuguese mother and takes on both her “semi-crooked nose, the same mouth, straight and concerned, the same markabove the eyebrow he always thought came from some sort of accident. Eventhough her eyes are brown and his are clearish and teal, it’s like he has hereyes too—soft and rimmed with lashes like butterfly wings” according to Lonan lool. He wears Lonan’s fake mom’s earring which is a pretty dangly blue gem. Though Harrison could look like anything and all he’d need to be Harrison is his leather jacket. In the book cover I designed, Lonan’s wearing it (ROOD) as he unknowingly takes it in chapter 6, but besides that one time, his jacket never comes off! He also wears his mother’s guardian angel necklace which is a newer edition, though a well-liked one as I always pictured him wearing a chain of some sorts! It’s important to note that when I was thirteen, the only way I’d describe Harrison’s eyes were as “burning turquoise” loool.

Here’s how I drew him for the book cover (though I couldn’t really get his eyes right are they burning turquoise-y enough??):

6: Describe your OC’s love life.

Messy! Harrison’s gone through a lot as a hopeless romantic, and has been lead to much heartbreak because of it. If he loves someone, he really loves someone, and this is very much seen in his feelings toward Lonan. Since we’re spilling the tea on Harrison, here’s his relationship with Lonan throughout the books + as Nothing But Thieves songs (because we’re going THERE):

Book 2

When the boys actually meet! Lonan didn’t exist in book 1 and I think Harrison’s sanity benefitted from this but anyway

They’re coworkers (back when this book was a dystopia lmao, Harrison took an open job as a tech analyst in Lonan’s government squad which was his pride and joy and I have since of course axed it)

They don’t like each other but can’t get enough of being enemies if u know what I mean

NBT song: Last Orders 

Book 3

This “love being your enemy” thing continues even when Lonan makes his redemption arc and he’s no longer an enemy lmaoo

We get to see their actual friendship develop toward the ¾ mark of the book

“Clearly these people care about each other” kind of vibe!

NBT song: Wake Up Call

Book 4

We see a new level of closeness develop between the boys, and though we’re in Reeve’s head, she def senses some tension mwahaha

NBT song: Afterlife

Book 5

Harrison really steps in as not only a friend for Lonan in this book, but a body of support while his mental health goes through it

NBT song: Reset Me

Book 6

They’re both mad at each other for almost this entire book but this gives us more of that tension we WANT

Reeve really notices this tea develop and she be sippin it the whole book

Toward the midpoint there’s definitely explicit suggestion of their relationship (Reeve can’t fully see this as she’s mostly concerned about herself but there’s definitely an ongoing relationship in this book that’s pretty turbulent):

NBT song: You Know Me Too Well

Moth Work

This relationship sees a lot of bad times

It ain’t a healthy relationship by any means and things start falling apart! Both boys have things they have to work out, that are currently causing lots of conflict!

The TEA I have not shared yet is that I *plan* for them to split up by the end of this book (though they never were really together in this book so it’s not really a breakup lol). Harrison moves to Brooklyn with his mom and Lonan stays in Vegas with Eliza (do with that what you will!!)

NBT song: Hostage (for Harrison) and Take This Lonely Heart (for Lonan)

14: What is one of your OC’s secrets?

That he likes waffles better than he like Lonan? Scandle! Harrison had an affinity for waffles in book one. Here are receipts:

A scene from book 3 (2015) that features a lot of iconic content (Harrison’s waffle kink, Foster being prime-time soft boi, grumpy Lonan, narrated by Reeve who manages to not inject her opinion once, my classic 2015 “witty” YA dialogue):

“Ah, well… your sister [the youngest, not Reeve lol] was talking about people, and how being mean is the only way that they listen… She may or may not have had a run-in with Harrison earlier, which is why the topic was brought up…” From next to him, Ris grunts over his steaming waffles, a full mouth when he turns his face toward Lonan who’s got the same laptop in front of his face, furiously tapping at the keyboard as he concentrates. 

Harrison actually reaches over and slams the lid shut.            

“Hey asshole,” he says around his mouthful of waffle. “Put the fucking technology away, and be a little social.” Lonan’s dead silent on the receiving end, and when I look closer at him, I realize it’s because his fists are tightly clenched and a vein in his forehead’s bulging. 

“That was three full days of work that you might’ve completely ruined!” Lonan hisses, eyes wide and angry as he stares at Harrison who’s scowling around his breakfast. 

“Anyway…” Foster continues awkwardly. “Basically, helping people is sometimes–” He’s cut off as a giant waffle is smothered up to his face, Harrison holding it out tauntingly. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“You know you want the waffle… Waffles…”  

Also to the waitress while he and Reeve bond at a diner:

“Thank you.” Harrison says with a wide smile, staring at the waffles like they’re the love of his life. “Oh my fucking god.” He mumbles, and I assume that I’m not meant to here that. 

15: Your OC is given the chance to go back in time. Where do they go and what do they do?

I think there are a lot of things he’d like to change in his past, namely his relationship with his mother who he’s estranged from until the end of Moth Work. I think he would’ve liked to see her more in his teens (despite being a hard ass when she does show up in Moth Work). He’d go back to Brooklyn and like chill in a pizzeria with his mom lol. On a lighter note, I think he’d also like, join ABBA or something.

Thanks for asking!

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[yaz-the-spaz]

Beautiful Monster (Part 3)

so this is the last installation that will be posted on tumblr! the complete fic will be posted on ao3 later tonight has now been posted on ao3!

also this was supposed to be my New Year’s Day gift to you guys but i just didn’t have a chance to review it like i wanted to in time so it’s just gonna have to be a (way) belated New Year’s gift lol but on the bright side inspiration did happen to strike for the threequel fic during the interim of me finalizing the edits for this fic so it all worked out in the end and you’ll actually be getting a double feature/double belated New Year’s present cause the latest chapter for that will be up soon too (most likely by tomorrow)!

Summary: Zayn is a homeless vampire who, unbeknownst to Liam, has been routinely breaking into Liam’s van for a warm place to sleep. When Liam catches him in the act things end up going in a direction no one expected. And then shit gets weirder. Because Liam might also be hiding some secrets of his own…

Part 1 here

It’s a Thursday afternoon when Niall pops by out of the blue.

The doorbell rings and Zayn goes to answer it cause Liam’s in the middle of feeding the dogs their dinner. He figures it’s probably just someone trying to sell something anyway and he’d rather just let Zayn be the one to tell them to bugger off, but he snaps up when he hears a familiar voice on the other side, that familiar Irish brogue that he’d recognize anywhere.

“Um…hello. You’re not Liam. Liam does still live here, yeah?”

Zayn nods politely. “He does. Who’s asking?”

“His mate, Niall. And you are?”

Zayn perks up at this news, seemingly excited to be meeting a friend of Liam’s, sticks out a hand and smiles brightly. “Zayn, Liam’s live-in booty call.”

Liam blanches, rushing over to the door stiffly.

“Um, Niall, hey,” he says, ushering Niall inside quickly, hoping the previous topic of conversation goes forgotten. “I didn’t know you were in town, when’d you get in?”

“Just a couple hours ago. Only here for the weekend really, but I came straight here cause I had to see my Payno of course. How’ve you been, mate? Pretty well I’m assuming,” he says with a grin, dropping his bags just inside the door and turning back to size Zayn up appreciatively.

“Uh, yeah, you know, same old, same old mostly. Work’s been good and the dogs are okay, can’t complain. Zayn is—” he stops, not quite sure how exactly to describe what Zayn is and opting instead to just skirt around it. “Zayn’s been a great help. He’s just, um, he’s staying here temporarily until he can get back on his feet.”

“Oh…okay.” Niall nods but he still looks a little confused, though he doesn’t inquire any further, maybe sensing somehow that it’s not something Liam’s really eager to talk about right now in front of present company.

Zayn smiles at Niall politely, offering to take his coat and Niall shrugs out of it obediently, kicking off his shoes in the process.

Niall follows Liam into the kitchen as Zayn goes to put up his coat and bag and when they’re a safe distance away Niall leans into him and says, “So, what exactly is going on here? Is this, like, a roommate situation? You short on cash or something and renting out your couch? Or are you two dating and you decided to jump the gun and let him move in early or…? Cause, I mean, I know I miss a lot sometimes when I’m gone especially when I have no cell service but when I last FaceTime’d you a couple months ago you said you still weren’t seeing anyone and now you’ve apparently got a live-in boyfriend? What’s the story there?”

Liam shrugs, avoiding Niall’s eyes. “None of the above but also sort of…all of the above?” Liam sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s complicated, okay? But he’s not my boyfriend. We’re just…”

“Sleeping together while you let him stay in your house till he gets back on his feet?”

Liam looks at him miserably but Niall raises his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m not judging. If it works, it works. As long as you’re happy, you know? That’s all that matters to me. And I mean, he’s well fit so, y’know, good job there.” He smirks. And then a thought seems to occur him and leans in a bit closer, lowers his voice even more, serious now. “Does he know about your…you know?” he asks.

“No,” Liam says emphatically. “And I plan to keep it that way.”

Niall nods solemnly in understanding, dropping the subject and Liam’s grateful.

Niall’s the only “normal” mate he’s got who knows about his secret and has still stuck around. But he travels a lot, always backpacking through Europe or spelunking in Asia or hitchhiking across the Americas (yes, Americas as in plural, as in hitchhiking his way from Canada all the way down to Argentina) so Liam usually only really sees him about twice out of the year most years—for the holidays and whenever else he happens to be in town and decide to pop by Liam’s out of the blue like he’s just done. They’ve been friends pretty much since they wound up roomed together at uni, where Niall, the only actual geography major Liam had ever met, would stay up late talking Liam’s ear off about all the places he wanted to travel to (not that Liam minded cause Niall’s a great storyteller and Liam actually learned a lot from him over those years about all sorts of different places). When Niall discovered travel blogging and found out there was a way he could actually get paid to travel he jumped at the opportunity and has been pretty much steadily country-hopping ever since they graduated. They talk on the phone as often as they can when Niall’s got service or access to decent working wi-fi and Liam’s got a whole drawer full of postcards Niall’s sent him over the years. But even though they don’t see each other as often as Liam would like Niall’s still one of his best mates and apparently still knows him too well.

He stays for dinner and after a bit the slight awkwardness hanging in the air seems to dissipate and the three of them are eating and talking like they’ve all known each other for years instead of just him and Niall. Niall regales them with stories of his latest travels; an incident with goats stealing and apparently trying to eat his luggage in Papua New Guinea, the triumphs of winning over and befriending the meanest donkey in all of Greece, how he was unofficially adopted by one of the elders in a bamboo-weaving village called Ngũ Xã and now has a Vietnamese grandmother.

Liam laughs so much his cheeks are sore by the end of the night, as are his abs, but such is the usual with Niall. As is also the usual with Niall though is the inevitable goodbye and Liam’s already dreading it before it comes but he’s still glad to have had this surprise visit at all even if it was a bit awkward at first. As he hugs Liam goodbye Niall promises he’ll be coming home more often from here on out though and that’s enough to warm Liam’s spirits for now despite his too-sudden departure as Niall sees himself out with a wave and bright grin, rucksack slung over his shoulder. And then Liam is alone with Zayn again. Alone with his own uncertainties and feelings and his messy thoughts.

*

“So what do you guys actually do at these conferences?” Zayn asks in the van on their way back from another highway roadkill stock-up just before Liam’s due to leave again. “Do you just, like, sit around eating barbeque, crushing beer cans against your heads, arm wrestling and organizing pissing contests whilst talking about construction stuff?”

Liam snorts, flashing an amused grin at Zayn. “Is that what you imagine we do? Like a giant frat party or something?”

“Well, yeah, I mean, it certainly sounds kinda like one. I mean you meet every month at some super secret location that—considering you have such shoddy service the whole weekend has gotta be, like, way out in the wilderness somewhere—just to eat a bunch of meat and drink beer with a bunch of other guys for three days. Sounds a hell of a lot like something a bunch of frat boys would do to me.”

“Bit unfair of you to assume that everyone who’d go to a construction conference is a guy, and a butch one at that,” Liam says deftly trying to change the subject.

“Touché. In retrospect, I guess that was an unfairly stereotypical judgment to make,” Zayn concedes with a nod. “But seriously though, what do you guys actually do besides grilling meat cause I’m having a hard time imaging what riveting events you could possibly get up to at a construction conference that would make everyone wanna come back as frequently as every month. D’you lot, like, exchange insider secrets on the performance of the construction trade in the stock market? Make elaborate bets on who’s gonna sell the most piping this year? Build a giant secret fortress in the woods? I mean, like, what is it?”

“Christ, look, it’s just a gathering of a bunch of like-minded people where we can just get together and blow off a bit of steam for a few days, okay?” he snaps, tone a bit too terse, a bit too defensive, although it’s not entirely a lie. Not really. But anyway he hadn’t even meant to snap, it’s just Zayn’s asking too many questions and it’s both not the time nor is Liam in the right mood or headspace to deal with being given the third-degree right now, even if it is half-jokingly. He’s wound up and on edge and he just really, really wants to get on the road already and be far away from here and away from Zayn and all his questions. “It’s not that big a deal, alright, so can we just drop it?”

Zayn raises his hands in defense. “Okay, okay, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I know you tend to get kinda testy and stressed out before these things, I didn’t mean to upset you, I shouldn’t have pushed.” Zayn’s quiet for a little while before he says softly, tentatively, like he’s afraid of setting Liam off again, “But maybe—I mean, I don’t know if you’re allowed to bring, like, a plus one to these things, but maybe…if you are…maybe one time I could come along with you—I mean, only if you want of course—but it’d just be nice to meet some of your mates, you know? I mean it’s been three months and I haven’t met any of them yet except for Niall, although, like, if you don’t want me to that’s cool too, I totally understand, but I just thought it’d be nice to, like, hang out, you know, like outside of the house.”

Fuck. There Liam goes again not thinking about anyone but himself. He hadn’t even considered that Zayn might feel like Liam’s hiding him. Like he’s a secret to be ashamed of. He wishes he could tell Zayn that that’s not why he hasn’t met any of Liam’s friends. That it has nothing to do with Zayn himself or their current living arrangements or Liam being ashamed of him and wanting to hide him away or keep him a secret.

But he can’t tell Zayn any of that without inviting more questions that he won’t be able to answer so instead he just mutters a noncommittal, “Maybe,” and leaves it at that, knowing full well it’s an empty half-promise because Zayn knowing anything about what actually goes on at these weekend gatherings would be a monumentally bad, bad idea.

*

Predictably he finds out anyway.

*

“What the he—Liam?” There’s a gentle touch at his shoulder. “Liam…Liam?”

Liam blinks gritty eyes open to bright sunlight streaming down on him, Zayn’s blurry face slowly coming into focus above him, sunlight bracketing his head like a halo. There’s a soreness that penetrates every muscle in his body, every fiber of his being, sunk down into his bones, his very cells, pumps through his blood like a visceral thing, but none of that’s new. This isn’t where he’s supposed to be though. The previous day is a blur and as usual he’s groggy as all hell but he’s aware enough to know immediately that this is not where he usually wakes up. Not where he’s supposed to be waking up. The grass, the trees, they’re too familiar. As is the face still currently looming above him.

“Zayn?” Liam croaks hoarsely in confusion, trying to sit up, to re-acclimate himself to this body.

“Are—are you…okay?” Zayn says, eyes full of concern as he looks Liam over.

“Course,” Liam says automatically without thinking. That gets him an even more concerned look from Zayn and Liam sits up properly, trying ineffectively to clear his throat of the raspiness that he already knows won’t fade for at least another couple of hours as he rubs at his eyes and takes in deep breaths of the crisp winter air to wake himself up fully.  It’s not until he’s more alert and full awareness of the situation catches up to him that he realizes just how fucked he is—how this must all look to Zayn—and finds himself scrambling for some sort of halfway believable explanation but coming up completely blank.

He’s naked, covered in dirt and possibly a bit of blood, being woken up in his own backyard miles from the “conference” Zayn believed him to be at and smelling like absolute filth. And his first response had been to act like everything was totally fine and this was all completely normal—which it is for the most part, for him, with the exception of waking up in his own backyard. Zayn though is looking at him like he has two heads and Liam shakes his head quickly, trying to backtrack.

“I mean…um…” Liam falters, grasping at straws for to how to explain any of this without revealing everything he’s tried to keep so carefully hidden. “…Would you believe me if I said I was kidnapped and I have no idea how I got here?” he tries.

Zayn just blinks at him.

*

“So…your not-butch, not-all-male, not-douchy mates from the construction conference...that you just told me wasn’t at all like a frat…kidnapped you, stripped you, and left you naked and covered in dirt and blood in your own backyard…all as part of some sort of elaborate hazing ritual?” Zayn repeats slowly, squinting at Liam dubiously.

Liam nods, fidgeting in his seat at the counter in a lame attempt to avoid Zayn’s eyes. He’s showered and fully clothed now and nursing a mug of tea Zayn made for him to “warm him up” after being left naked in the freezing cold for so long. He doesn’t bother telling Zayn that he doesn’t really need it. The cold doesn’t much bother him in his other body, and even once he turns back it takes a little while for normal human sensitivity to really set back in anyway.

“So, then, are they gonna bring back your van too? And your clothes and all your other stuff that got left there?”

Liam looks up at him, startled two-fold. One, because he hadn’t expected Zayn to actually believe him, though he supposes he still might not but it could just be that he doesn’t wanna pry and is just willing to go along with it because he thinks it’s what Liam wants. And two, because he hadn’t thought of any of that himself and is now wondering how the hell he’s gonna reach the others to let them know what happened (and see if they can bring back his stuff for him) without his phone.

“You know, on second thought, I don’t think I wanna meet your friends after all if they’re the kind of arseholes that would pull some shit like this and just dip. Leave you with your dick swinging in the wind. Literally…” Zayn says, plopping into the seat next to him at the counter and shaking his head.

To be continued...

[Read the full rest of the full fic now on ao3]

[olga-eulalia]

I’m taking a break from thinking about a Sleeping Beauty AU and looking at my scattered .txt notes instead and there’s a fucking SilverFlint tailorshop AU dated Spring 2017 that I have no memory of drafting and I don’t know whether to be surprised by any of this or what.

“I find myself in need of a new waistcoat and a pair of new breeches.” Their seams had been let out once already and wouldn’t yield more fabric now. "Since these have come to be a bit tight."

"So they are.” Silver’s tone was sympathetic.

I can only assume that the other 5000 words are an attempt to cover up the fact that I only wanted to write one scene in which young Lieutenant James McGraw blushes uncontrollably while Silver takes his measurements. [more snippets, some nsfw, below cut]

But no, apparently not. Because I totally glossed over that moment.

“I’ll have to redo both inseams here,” Silver said, startling him. “If you are to wear these breeches on duty you’re going to want more ease.”

“Of course.”

“It’ll only take a minute,” Silver assured him.

^ Did I want to save it for this scene? The fitting? No, I pan away there, too.

“I’m sure you’ve got some stories of your own to tell?” Silver said, untying the pincushion around his arm.

“Sure,” James said. A sudden lightheadedness made him heedless of the fact that stepping down from the platform brought him almost chest to chest with Silver. “But most of them are very... nautical. I don’t know whether they’d be to your taste.”

“You’d be surprised.”

They looked at each other then and, as the clock on the mantelpiece would attest to, did little else for quite a while.

“I have a lunchtime engagement,” James said, in lieu of kissing John Silver.

There’s a twist in this fic that I did not see coming I’m losing my mind

"I need to ask you something that may be of a delicate nature.”

“Please. I’m not the delicate sort.”

“Since I've been coming here... have there been any inquiries made about me?"

"Three, as a matter of fact," Silver said, never stopping in his sewing. "You're a much wanted man, it seems."

The casualness of Silver’s delivery was outrageous and James’s palms turned cold and clammy as he clenched his hands.

It only confirmed what he had always believed about some of his fellow officers: That they were the rotten offspring of spineless scum who would not hesitate to use any possible means to elevate themselves above others. From the start they had guessed that there was something different about him -- he could see it in their faces sometimes, their struggle to pinpoint what exactly it was that caused their dislike -- and so they’d eventually stooped to these methods.

James's heart was beating in such a rapid tempo that he thought keeping his temper in check might very well make him faint this time.

He had indeed suspected that part of the reason Rackham’s could offer the prices it did was because it sold its clients' information for profit. Which made the circulation of any incriminating gossip at least partially the fault of his own unwillingness to abandon an improbable fantasy.

But Silver was not finished yet. "I told the first gentleman, in no uncertain terms, the same thing I told the others. That I'd never entertained a customer less inclined to such proclivities and that I couldn’t fathom why he’d ever think he’d have a chance with someone like you in the first place."

James's heartbeat stumbled, no longer fully convinced of its ire.

"You were right to assume that such inquiries are not uncommon here, James." Silver was tying up his work. "Though I believe in your case the interest of all three gentlemen was altogether genuine."

Anger and fear left him in a rush. “Pardon?” The idea of there being others like him in his circle of acquaintances made him sit in stunned surprise and the fact that Silver had not only protected James’s privacy, but also purposefully squashed any potential chance he might have had with these gentlemen left him feeling quite flushed.

With a nimble trick, Silver transferred himself from the armchair onto the sofa. Holding out the mended garment, he asked, "Do you wish to discover their identities?"

Resurfacing from deep within his thoughts, James found Silver’s eyes. "No," he said. "No, I don't."

"Good. Because I'm not inclined to share." Silver held his gaze. "You."

 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿 Alright, now I’m kind of into this.

“Tell me, lieutenant, are all your approaches so timid?” he asked, unbuttoning the waistband of James’s breeches in a most casual manner, then moving on to loosen the drawstring at the back. “Because I heard something very different about you.”

“And what would that be?”

“That your manoeuvres are wont to leave your opponents weak-kneed.”

“I’m sorry.” James frowned, wondering since when such an abundance of gossip was circulating about him. “I wasn’t aware we were engaged in battle.”

Silver gave him a lopsided grin.

Inspired by its slyness, James slid his hand higher up, over Silver’s crotch, excited to feel Silver’s cock move when he squeezed it. “Besides, I wasn’t planning on making this a quick defeat.”

^ lol ok I’m never allowed to write banter again.

The ribbon at the back of Silver’s head had come undone and his hair was curling wildly about his face and over his shoulders. The friendly gleam in his eyes had disappeared, driven out by voracity. He seemed to be transforming right in front of James’s eyes, his appearance as a meek and proper tailor relegated to a distant past.

^ Is this another twist?? I don’t know what I was going for here! Was Silver going to be the personification of something???

“Don’t,” James warned.

“Don’t what?”

“I’m gonna ruin all your hard work if you don’t slow down.”

“That’s-” Silver’s eyes twinkled with delight. His lashes grew heavy. “That’s very flattering.”

“Don’t pride yourself. I haven’t really all that much. Not on board.”

“Are you telling me that you’re stuck on a ship full of men for months and won’t let any of them near you? Is being a member of your crew some kind of particularly cruel punishment? All these poor bastards, lying awake at night in their hammocks, cursing you, your handsome face, your stunning body,” Silver said, rearing up and nipping at James’s chin with his teeth. Then, looking James over, his face took on a mollified expression. “And here you are, between my legs, blushing like a debutante. Fuck, James, you’re too much.”

Silver kept stroking drop after drop of James’s lust to the surface and smoothing it down the length of his hot, hard shaft, aggravating the hurt. Squeezing the head of James’s dick, dabbing at the moisture his thumb, he said, marvelling, “You’re giving me so much slick that I could fuck you with it.”

“Stop talking. Please,” James gasped out, already so close.

“I think I’ll let you have my fingers,” Silver said. “Would you like that, James?”

While the breath still shivered from James’s mouth, Silver’s free hand slipped down into the back of his drawers, strong fingers gliding between his cheeks and rubbing across his hole. The waistband of his brand-new breeches stretched frightfully like this between both of Silver’s forearms. As promised, the tip of one thick finger pushed inside him and lodged there immovably.

James keened behind closed lips, a sweet ache pulsing through him. He struggled to keep his eyes on Silver’s face as his hips fell into giving long, smooth thrusts into the fist wrapped around him. And he would have liked to savour that blissful moment very much, make it last by slowing his movements down, but Silver seemed to want to see him undone completely and sped up his hand, jerking him just as fast and sloppy as James needed it to bring him to the point of no return in seconds. His arse cheeks clenched around Silver’s fingers, his body strained with its sinews pulled taut, and his hips pumped mindlessly, jolting forward as he shot out his seed, spilling into Silver’s hand and over both their clothes.

He silenced himself in the crook of Silver’s neck, nestling his face into the fragrant locks there, and for a mad second fancied himself looking at the summer night sky over the southern coast of Cornwall.

Possibly.

Silver was petting his head. “Did you enjoy that?”

James felt like a spit of storm-ravaged rock. Too exhausted to find offence at Silver’s self-satisfaction, he pulled back and rested his weight against Silver’s side, following with interest how Silver pulled off his cravat, opened his pearl-studded button cuffs and then started to unfasten the front of his black waistcoat with his usual deftness before sitting up to shrug out of the garment and pull off his shirt.

James’s breath stopped. Silver’s torso was beautifully marked. Across his abdomen, a ship and a star. On his left side, high on the curve of his ribcage, a swallow adorned his skin. But the most riveting picture of all was that of two large Tritons posing on either side of his chest, holding up an empty banderole that echoed the slope of his collarbones. James’s fingers traced the shape of them, their scaly serpentine tails.

^ Hey, I remember this part! I spent a long time thinking about the perfect motto for that banderole! And it’s entirely possible that my failure to come up with a good one is what brought this fic to an untimely end.

James pressed himself on top of Silver and kissed him for long minutes, making it as filthy as Silver seemed to like. Then, sinking to the floor, he stripped Silver’s hips bare and placed his mouth over the head of Silver’s cock, taking it in one long wet slide to the back his throat. Silver punched out a breathy ohh, sprawling loose-limbed, resplendent in the rosy glow of his pleasure, a tender look in his eyes.

Ugghhhhhh I can’t believe my past self would betray me like this and end it here :(((( Now please excuse me while I take this prompt to the kinkmeme.

[thelionshoarde]

to the unknown; mature; shance

scenes from a post-series space war epic that i will probably never actually write - anyway this is what happens when i read too much star trek au lol - rated mature

In the mess Lance grimaced at his dinner tray. With one hand he flicked the edge of the dinged metal, watching it rattle. Something gelatinous and vaguely green-colored jiggled in protest.

“I thought I left behind space goo,” he muttered. “God, I would actually kill for some mac’n’cheese.”

“Homemade or Kraft?” asked Matt.

Lance wrinkled his nose, looking up at the man diagonally across him, holo-displays arrayed about his own half-eaten dinner as he scrolled through cramped lines of glowing text. A lens in his glasses was cracked. The left, and Matt kept reaching his hand up to rub against his eyebrow, probably not even registering the pain of eye-strain, let alone the gesture itself.

“Either,” Lance admitted. “Hell, I’d toss you out of an airlock if it got me a single packet of string cheese, Holt. What’re you looking at?”

Ignoring the threat, Matt shrugged with an awkward, bird-like hunch of his shoulders. With the hand not pressing into his eye socket he grasped blindly for his spoon and scooped a bit of processed nutrients onto it. Lance watched it slip off the side with a grimace and roll of his stomach.

“Not sure yet. Let you know when I find out, though, if you haven’t killed me yet.”

“Deal,” Lance grinned.

Sharp, quick footsteps sounded out behind him. Lance felt his spine tense at the sound; only a soldier on a mission could sound quite like that, after all. He was entirely unsurprised when he found an Ensign hovering at this elbow, hesitant to interrupt.

“He’ll fuss if you don’t finish your dinner,” Matt said, voice mild with distraction.

Lance ignored him and the truth of that statement. Turning, he propped his cheek on a fist, elbow sliding onto the table and butting his tray away from him. He smiled crooked at the young woman standing in front of him, uniform neat. New recruit, probably; not yet worn down by the reality of her new station.

“Why, hello there. What can I do for you?”

She blinked, startled. “Ah. Your husband --”

Matt choked down a snort, badly. Lance’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline, grin growing. He watched as a mortified, mottled blush flooded her face. “Your -- I mean! The Captain requests your presence in his ready room,” she gasped, horrified.

It was always awkward when gossip got mixed into official business. Well, for others. Not for Lance. Lance ate that shit up like a five-star meal.

“Mm,” he hummed. “My husband wants to see me, does he? And in the ready room? Goodness, goodness.”

“Lieutenant Commander McClain,” the Ensign croaked out, nearly quivering. “I apologize. I didn’t mean --”

“It’s fine,” Lance said, flapping his free hand at her. “What was your name, Ensign?”

“Adams,” she squeaked.

“Thank you, Ensign Adams. Back to your post, then. I’ll go and see what’s bothering sweet cheeks.”

The Ensign made a strangled noise, swaying where she stood.

“You’ll get used to him,” Matt offered. Then he hesitated before admitting, “Maybe. Hopefully? Okay, probably not. He’s a mess. But hey, if you’re hungry, he’s not going to finish his food, you know. You’re, hmm. Very pretty for an Ensign, miss. What was your first name, again?”

Lance dropped his fist, turning to stare incredulously at his lead scientist who was gazing with open admiration at a woman nearly half his age and no where near his ranking. “You are forty years old, old man.”

“But I’m not dead,” Matt said, voice plaintive. Jesus, Lance hoped he hadn’t been that -- no, he had definitely been that bad. Ugh.

Lance said, voice clipped and professional, but deliberately warm, “Dismissed, Enisgn Adams. And if this grandpa tries to bother you come straight to me and I’ll toss his ass out of the airlock, understood?”

She nodded frantically and -- smart woman -- escaped before they could say anything else. Matt made a displeased noise. “Marriage has changed you, McClain.”

Lance snorted. “Sure, it wouldn’t have anything to do with age, and the passing of time, and the appearance of maturity. Or, you know, a war we’ve been fighting for --”

“Shut uuup,” Matt said, letting his spoon fall into his goo with a splat.

“-- what, a decade? An eternity? Ugh, yes, blame it all on monogamy, that’s the ticket.” Lance sniffed, and rose from his chair. “Have fun with your reports, Commander. I am going to go and see my husband. And possibly get some. If I’m very lucky and very, very naughty.”

“Blatant insubordination, Lieutenant Commander.”

“Sure, sure,” Lance muttered as he ambled away. He heard the scrape of his tray against the table as Matt commandeered it. “Doesn’t even blink at the death threats -- but the mention that I’ve got a real sex life? Suddenly it’s all business, no fun.”

He grinned, and hurried through the halls to the Captain’s ready room.

* * *

“I’m getting too old for this,” Shiro sighs, unzipping a boot and letting it fall to the floor with a hollow thunk. “What’s the official age of being Too Old For This Shit, anyway? Forty-five? Fifty? Seventy-three and a half?”

“Oddly specific,” Lance calls back, squinting at the dark shadows beneath his eyes beneath the clouded mirror. “How about -- when we’re dead?”

“Oddly morbid.”

Lance listens to the thunk of the other boot, and then hears the small clink of Shiro unbuckling his belt. He purses his lips and angles his chin, examining the texture of his skin and despairing at what he finds. But there won’t be another shipment from Earth for a month, at least, and it is unlikely that even when the supplies arrived -- if they arrived; Lance tried not to deal in absolutes anymore -- his preferred facial cream wouldn’t be amongst them.

“Shiro,” he said, stepping back from the sink and tilting his head back to stare at the rusted rivets in the ceiling. They’re probably smoother than his skin at this point. “Shiro. I... am officially ugly.”

A loud snort comes from the bedroom.

“I mean it, Shirogane! My skin is -- ugh, I can’t go on like this. How can you love me with a face this hideous? My skin is so dry, I think I might already be dead. A mummy! Just bits of me flaking off, now, all my early glory lost to the annals of time, and -- SHUT UP, SHIRO, I’M BEING DRAMATIC.”

“You’re being absurd,” Shiro corrects, voice much closer, now. Lance tips his head back far enough that he can make Shiro out. He is standing just inside the door to the bathroom, broad shoulders taking up the space. He’s grinning. He’s also shirtless and pantsless and covered in scars and space-pale and beautiful.

“You’re space-crazy,” Lance says, still staring at him upside down. “This post has made you nuts, bud, or you’ve gone blind. It’s the only reasonable explanation.”

“Or,” says Shiro, nearly patient; the fuzzy edge of his voice betrays his amusement, however, “you’re being overly dramatic, because you are still the most beautiful being I’ve ever laid eyes on, Lance.”

“Hnn.”

Shiro comes closer, kissing Lance’s hairline. “Come to bed,” he murmurs. “Let me prove it.”

The position is making him dizzy, his heart pounds; that, and the promise in Shiro’s voice, the warmth of his lips against Lance’s skin. He lets his eyes close in a soft sigh, and surrenders.

* * *

“Raptor-7 locked on to target, go for engagement.”

“Copy that, Raptor-7,” said Lance, fingers rolling against the controls of his B-Ray, gloves crinkling with the motion. His vid-screen showed a vista of stars and darkness lit up with tightly furled clouds of red-orange-yellow fire; the blurred, twin yellow lights of other B-Rays cut through the dwindling ranks of Y’ks Hex Fighters, leaving hazy streaks that faded and dwindled as they assumed positions.

“Raptor-3 locked on target! Go for engagement!”

“Raptor-12 is locked and loaded, squad leader! Go for engagement.”

“Acknowledged, Raptor-3, Raptor-12. What’s your status Raptor-4? And -- Oi! Watch your flank, Raptor-11, shake that Hex before --”

A new explosion bloomed like a silent firework on the edge of his vid-screen. The monitor to his left, near his elbow, that kept track of all the ships in his squadron beeped, alerting him to the destruction of one of his own. Lance could feel the way the skin of his face tightened, but he hadn’t the time to flinch, or even to curse.

“Hold your positions, kiddos,” he barked into his com, seeing the way two Hex Fighters were trying to cut Raptor-6 from the pack. With an almost insolent tilt of his controls, Lance felt his B-Ray curve into motion, picking up speed. “And kill any bastard that comes near, you hear me? Raptor-6, evasive maneuver Alpha-Gold!”

“Copy that, Raptor-Daddy!”

Lance squawked, coming up beneath the two engaged Hex Fighters just as Raptor-6 did an impressive corkscrew back the way she’d come. Lance fired as the enemy attempted to engage, slowing as they pulled up and reversed course, blue energy trails going fat and sluggish against the black.

“That is definitely not appropriate,” Lance said, breathless as the two ships exploded and Raptor-6 soared free. “...I like it, keep calling me that. Best designation, ever!”

A crackle in the cockpit announced a private line from command; Lance grinned, heart pounding. Sweat was pooling down his spine, his neck felt tight, tense at the base of his skull. But he had no time for fear or worry or admittance of the two. “Uh oh,” he told his squad. “Looks like Daddy’s in trouble.”

“Whups,” chirped Raptor-6, entirely unapologetic.

“McClain,” barked Iverson’s voice, stern. “Is now really the time for this foolishness? Haven’t you a job to be doing? Do you want to die? You’ve already lost --”

“Oh, no!” Lance yelped, lifting a leg to aim for the comm control with his knee. “I think I’m having interference! Talk to you later, Admiral, so sorry, you know how much I love these little chats of ours!”

“MCCLAIN,” roared Iverson, before Lance had the outside comm cut off.

It was just him and his squad, now, in the black of space far from home. He said, “Listen up, kiddos. That is a Y’ks Model Signa Cruiser, fully combat-ready. You all know its weaknesses. We can’t let that fucker past Saturn, you hear?”

A chorus of grim but heartfelt acknowledges reached him.

Lance grinned, feeling his pulse race just as he reclaimed his position. Beyond the few straggling Hex Fighters loomed the massive, bulbous bulk of a ship armed with enough explosives to rip apart a planet. From its side streamed more Hex Fighters. They had to take it down before the enemy was able to replenish its ranks sufficiently.

Sorry, he thought, sparing a moment to press a gloved thumb against the picture tucked into his console, but refusing to look at it. Instead, he kept his eyes on the prize.

“Go time, my darlings,” he murmured into the comm. As he gunned the engine, streaking forward with his fellow pilots trying to match his pace as they rushed the enemy line, Lance couldn’t help but grin.

[texanredrose]

Did You Know?

-Today, 0317- (214) 13-170-9: Did you know that "hamburger" is two words combined, but it's not "ham" and "burger", but "hamburg" and "er"? No idea what "er" means, though. Or “Hamburg” really. English is weird. You: Who are you and how did you get this number? (214) 13-170-9: Shit, is this not Blake? You: No. I am not Blake. (214) 13-170-9: Ah fuck, sorry, must've fat fingered the number! You: It's four in the morning here. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, cool, same timezone. Still, sorry about that. You: It's fine. You: And, for the record, -er is an Atlesian suffix that roughly means "from" and Hamburg is a city in Atlas. "Hamburger" means, quite literally, "from Hamburg". You: I grew up not too far from there. (214) 13-170-9: Oh, that's so cool! My name's Yang! You: Noted. Now, may I return to slumber or do you have any other useless trivia to impart upon me? (214) 13-170-9: Right, sorry! Again! (214) 13-170-9: Night! Sweet dreams!

-Today, 1034- You: Now that it’s a somewhat respectable hour, I’d like to apologize for being curt last night.  (214) 13-170-9: Hey, I get it! I’d be a little cranky if someone woke me up, too. (214) 13-170-9: Really, no harm, no foul. (214) 13-170-9: But if you’re ever in need of useless trivia, I’m here! You: That was... harsh of me. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, you’re not exactly wrong. Most of this stuff isn’t really that useful. But it can be food for thought or even a little funny! Like, did you know the electric chair was invented by a dentist? Sounds weirdly appropriate, doesn’t it? (214) 13-170-9: Guess he got his patients confused with chickens; THOSE are the ones where you pull out all the white things and THEN fry ‘em. You: That was dark. You: I’ll admit it made me laugh out loud, but still dark. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, look, I work with what material’s available to me, and that was the first one that popped into my head. (214) 13-170-9: Also, did you really type out ‘laugh out loud’? lol, really? You: What do you have against properly spelling out words? (214) 13-170-9: Okay, you know what, in hindsight, you’re right. It just caught me off guard. Most people use abbreviations. (214) 13-170-9: Or emojis. You: I honestly hate the sight of that stupid word. You: Also, I spend all day trapped in an alphabet soup hell. I don’t need more abbreviations, thank you. (214) 13-170-9: But they make things so much quicker! btw, ofc I could spell it all out, but rn I’m using one hand, other’s occupied. (214) 13-170-9: I swear that’s not as dirty as it sounds. You: At EOD, I meet with my POC for a SITREP, then CM to the DFAC. (214) 13-170-9: I respectfully withdraw my argument, have a good day.

-Today, 1425- (214) 13-170-9: Um. I might be overstepping here and maybe you’re busy but either way I hope I didn’t upset you or insult you earlier. You: You said “have a good day”; I assumed that was the end of the conversation. (214) 13-170-9: Do you even meme?! You: I realize I implied and now am outright stating that English isn’t my primary language but you don’t have to make up words. (214) 13-170-9: Oml have you never seen a meme before? Hold on. (214) 13-170-9: [MyHairIsABird.jpeg][open][save] You: What.The. Fuck. (214) 13-170-9: You’ve never seen that before? You: I have and am now wondering why I allowed myself to be teleported back a decade. You: At least. It’s probably closer to two at this point. (214) 13-170-9: That’s a meme. It’s short for mimetic mutation I think? Where a joke gets so far removed from the source that it loses all connection but it’s still somehow funny? You: No. (214) 13-170-9: Look, I’ve never had to explain a meme before! You: I’m not saying “no” to your explanation; I’m saying “no” to that meme, as you call it. (214) 13-170-9: That’s what it’s called! You: Of course it is. (214) 13-170-9: Okay, fine, how about this one? (214) 13-170-9: [loss.jpeg][open][save] You: Now you’re tormenting me. You: Wait. I recognize this format. You: This is the stupid joke the idiots I call my subordinates are giggling about like school children? You: It’s not even a joke. This is a serious matter. (214) 13-170-9: I mean, I agree, I’m not sure how it became a joke but it did? (214) 13-170-9: I swear I’m not as dark as I’ve been sounding. (214) 13-170-9: Like, this whole conversation is kinda atypical for me, I swear. You: You’re putting in a lot of effort to convince a stranger that you’re not exactly as you’ve been acting. (214) 13-170-9: Well, you got me there. Sorry.

-Today, 1832- You: You’ve gone quiet. I suppose both of your hands were required? (214) 13-170-9: I just figured you probably had a point and I should just stop digging a bigger hole for myself. You: You don’t have any more trivia? (214) 13-170-9: Did you know a shark’s top speed is 96 km/h? You: Which species? (214) 13-170-9: Uh, Mako shark, I think. You: You are correct. I have a certain affinity for sharks.  You: They aren’t as terrible as people make them out to be, you know. Yang: Actually, more people die from being struck on the head with a coconut than from shark attacks every year. They’re mostly fine if you leave them alone. Unprovoked attacks aren’t as common as people think, I mean. It’s mostly just one species responsible for them, too, but people lump all sharks together. You: They do. Sharks are dangerous, yes, but most creatures are. Sharks just get a bad reputation for essentially no reason. Yang: Actually, the movie Jaws spawned a lot of the social stigma around sharks. Yang: Do you have a favorite shark? You: The catshark. There’s several species all over Remnant; they’re deep sea creatures, living below what most people fish at, but they’re occasionally spotted by research vessels. They have beautiful skins with wonderful patterns but very little is known about them, and each subspecies is unique in its own way. You: They’re truly fascinating creatures. Yang: They sound really cool! You: I have a question for you. Yang: Shoot. You: You’ve given me your name yet you haven’t ask me mine. Why? Yang: Well, let’s start from the top. Yang: I messaged you in the middle of the night on accident, which you weren’t very happy about. Then when you apologized, I made a bad joke and you took it literally. THEN, I apologized again, and we talked about memes, and that entire discussion didn’t go anywhere good, I think we’re on the same page on that one. Yang: So, from my perspective, I really don’t have any right to ask your name. I gave you mine so you’d know who to specifically curse if you’re religiously inclined. Yang: Or, like, you just want the satisfaction of specifically cursing me, because like, mood. You: How thoughtful. You: It’s Winter. Yang: I’m pretty sure it’s spring? You: You boob. My name is Winter. Yang: OH Yang: IT’S A GOOD NAME You: ... really? Yang: Absolutely! It’s a beautiful name! You: That wasn’t me looking for reassurance; that was me being... surprised by your response. Yang: It makes me think of Atlas, kinda, cause it’s so cold up there. Yang: Oh. Yang: I am just a series of “open mouth, insert foot” examples today. You: Are you on something? Alcohol? Weed? Nicotine? Yang: NO! You: Admittedly, that last one wouldn’t lead to such a lapse in judgement as you’ve currently displayed. You: Are you lying to me? Yang: FUCKING NO, I’M NOT ON ANYTHING! Yang: I just haven’t been sleeping well recently and my head’s a little fuzzy. That’s all. You: That would explain the middle-of-the-night trivia session. Yang: I said I was sorry about that. You: I believe you but I also believe that a good night’s rest in fundamentally important. You: Tonight, you’re going to sleep at a reasonable hour. Yang: You can’t just command me to go to sleep! You: I just did. Yang: Wait a minute, the acronyms, the orders, “subordinates”- you’re military, aren’t you? You: Yes. Yang: That’s awesome! I’m just a mechanic. I like working on engines. You: Riveting, truly, but those are topics for tomorrow. Tonight, you sleep. Yang: lmao, nice pun! You: I didn’t make a pun. Yang: I said I’m a mechanic, you said “riveting”, how was that not a pun? You: You’re deflecting. Yang: My shields are up. You: I’m not engaging in a pun war when you should be going to bed. Yang: I’m not going to bed, so I guess we’re at a stalemate. You: Fine. Here’s the deal. Make me a promise. Yang: Wow, we’re hardly on first name basis and now we’re making promises? You move fast. You: Promise me you’ll text me whatever piece of trivia comes to mind whenever you’re having trouble sleeping. Yang: I don’t get it. I’d be waking you up at all hours. You: Exactly. You seem like the sort of person to care very much about others so I doubt you’d compromise my sleep intentionally. Now that you have a clear purpose of going to sleep to help someone else sleep, you’ll have an easier time accomplishing the task. Yang: What are you, some kinda quack psychologist? Yang: You’re playing dirty. You: I’m military. What did you honestly expect? Yang: Touche. Yang: Fine. I’ll try to sleep tonight. But just know! I have a whole bunch of factoids for ya! Get ready cause neither of us is sleeping tonight! You: Usually, I’d insist someone buy me dinner first. Yang: Now you’re flirting. You: I’m merely stating fact. You: How about one more “factoid” before bed? Yang: Did you know a shark’s teeth are literally hard as steel? You: Playing to my interests, I see. Yang: I have my moments of brilliance. You: Indeed you do. Now, good night, Yang. Get some sleep. Yang: Good night Winter. Sweet dreams. You: And to you the same.

-Today, 0947- Yang: I hate you. You: Care to elaborate? Yang: Somehow, it worked, and I just woke up from the sleep of the dead. My body feels like mush sloshing around a hollow lead cylinder. You: What you’re feeling is the side effects of your body getting both too little and too much rest at the same time. If you establish a better sleep schedule, you’ll avoid this feeling in the future. Yang: Thank you, Doctor Winter. Do I get a lollipop? You: Continue being this cheeky; I assure you it’s doing nothing but improving my perception of you. Yang: Harsh. You: That was teasing. Yang: Oh. You really should add, like, an lol or something when you're joking. I'm not awake enough to find context clues. You: Aside from the lethargy, how are you feeling? Yang: Hungry. I finally dragged myself out of bed to cook breakfast and it turns out my sister already made me some. I’ve taught her well. You: Older or younger? Yang: I’m older by two years. Sometimes, it feels longer than that, though; I practically raised her. You: Interesting. I’m glad she made some food for you. Yang: Yeah. Now that I think about it, probably worried her pretty bad the last few weeks. You: Is that how long you’ve been having trouble sleeping?” Yang: About that. Yang: These pancakes taste fucking delicious btw. Yang: Did you know that, for most people, their right lung takes in more air than their left? You: We need to have a talk about priorities because I highly doubt you’ve inhaled your food that quickly. Yang: Sorry, my sis had to leave, so it’s a quiet breakfast over here. You: I don’t see that as something that needs to be corrected. You: However, I find myself wondering if you know the reason behind the lung trivia. Yang: I do! It’s because, for most people, your heart is just to the left of the center of your chest. So, since the heart takes up space, there’s only two sacs in your left lung, as opposed to three in your right. Yang: *sacks? Idek You: Idek? Yang: I Don’t Even Know- not sure what the difference between “sacs” and “sacks” is. You: This is why acronyms and abbreviations are more trouble than they’re worth. Yang: Okay, so basically, a sac is biological and a sack is manufactured. Like, sacs are things naturally occurring that fill with air or liquid, either in the body or outside it. Sacks are made for carrying things like groceries. Yang: Meanwhile, “sack” as a verb means either getting hit or getting laid off. Or maybe both, I guess, depending on your job. You: You went and looked it up? Yang: What, you think I was born with all these random things preprogrammed? Yang: I have a really good retention rate and I'm curious a lot. Yang: Google is my friend. You: Obviously. I suppose the appropriate follow-up question would be: you kept highlighting “most people”. Why? Yang: Well, there are a lot of medical reasons that makes it not applicable to everyone. Dextrocardia, for instance, in its mildest form causes the heart to face the opposite way, so the lungs usually fill differently because of that. More severe cases mean that more visceral organs are mirrored, too. You: Okay, so, language, sharks, the electric chair, and now medical trivia. The breadth of your subjects of interest is impressive. Yang: Thanks! Yang: Did you know that the cracking sound made by a whip is caused by the tip breaking the sound barrier? Yang: I’m pretty sure this counts as physics. You: I’ll add physics to the list. You: Now finish your breakfast and do something small. Take a nap in a few hours or whenever you feel tired. Yang: Do you have any siblings? Yang: You don't have to answer right away! Yang: Or at all. Yang: Guess you're busy? Eating breakfast maybe?

-Today, 1036- You: Actually, I was in formation. It's usually at 0930 but there were... complications this morning, so they pushed it back half an hour. Yang: Huh. For some reason, I always thought the military would be, like, SUPER punctual. You: And I have a younger sister and a younger brother, in that order. You: I'm going to tell you a secret: the military is always late. We just never admit it. Yang: So, you're like a bunch of cats? You: Given what constitutes my workday, yes, I would say that's accurate. "Herding cats" is the most accurate description of my job title. Yang: lmao, that's wild. Your siblings here in Vale too? Or back home in Atlas? You: My sister is here; she moved here to study at Beacon and then decided to stay. I suspect her girlfriend might factor into that decision but she's remaining tight lipped about it. My brother is at home, in Atlas. You: Now explain “lmao”. Yang: Laughing My As Off Yang: You really don’t know any chat abbreviations? You: Has it occurred to you that abbreviations is a very long word to describe the shortening of words and is, in itself, evidence that it’s all very silly? Yang: I know this is going to sound very grade school but you’re kinda cute when you’re annoyed. You: You’re right; that does sound very grade school. You: And you only say that because you can’t see me. Yang: Oh, so you don’t go all broody, kinda constipated, pursed lips when you’re annoyed by something? You: I understand those words individually but, combined, I’m lost. What would that even look like? Yang: Here. Yang: [photo][open][save] You: First, I want to assure you that you’re a very beautiful individual. You: Next, you look absolutely ridiculous. Yang: Hey, that’s how I think you look when you’re annoyed! You: I do not. Yang: Okay, I’ll take your word for it! You: [photo][open][save] Yang: Oh Yang: Wow You: That is what I look like when annoyed. You: And, not to wound your ego, but that annoyance isn’t inspired by you. A subordinate just asked me for fucking grid squares. You: At this point, one would think that joke’s too tired to work, but one would be wrong. Yang: Did you know that the winter of 392 was so cold, all of Beacon Falls froze over? You: Back to trivia? Yang: It’s my default response when higher brain function shuts down. You: I’ll admit, this is the first time in a long while I’ve felt flattery to be entirely sincere. Yang: This isn’t flattery; this is cold, hard facts. You: I see. Yang: Hey, I, uh, just realized the time, I gotta get to work. Yang: See if I still have a job, at any rate. You: I understand. Good luck. Yang: Thanks! Hope your work day gets better!

-Today, 1236- You: I assume the radio silence to be a good sign.

-Today, 1428- Yang: Yeah! Turns out, the shop kept a spot for me. My boss is being really understanding. Yang: Kinda... babying me, too, but... I’m getting used to it. Yang: At least he fired the idiot that started this whole mess. You: Am I permitted to inquire as to what happened? Yang: I don’t wanna go into details. You: That’s understandable. You: I’m glad they kept a spot for you. Are you going to return to work full time or ease into it? Yang: Give me a minute. You: Very well.

-Today, 1513- Yang: A few months ago, there was an accident at the shop. We do body work too and this guy tried using a machine he had no business using. Freaked out, caused a scene, I tried going over to help, ended up with my right arm caught in the damn thing. Mangled it pretty bad. So bad the docs had to take it. I got fitted for a prosthetic and I’m just trying to find normal again. Yang: I know I said I didn’t wanna go into the details but I’m actually shit at lying. Yang: Except in, like, weirdly specific circumstances. You: Thank you. Yang: Ok. Gotta admit. Not the response I expected. You: It must be very difficult to discuss and think about the accident. You didn’t have to go into it, yet you did, and I thank you for trusting me with that. You: That being said, is this a contributing factor to your insomnia? Yang: It’s not insomnia. I’m just not sleeping well. Yang: But yeah, idk, maybe it’s related. I liked sleeping on my right side and I can’t anymore. Anchor digs into my ribs. You: Establishing a new routine can be tricky at first. Everything is just a painful reminder of the incident. Yang: Sounds like you have experience with this. You: A bit. A superior of mine whom I respect greatly lost most of his body a few years back. He speaks very frankly about the challenges he faced when returning to the line. Yang: Wait, you mean General Ironwood? You: You know him? Yang: Who in Remnant doesn’t? He’s basically a celebrity. I mean, not just for the prosthetic body thing; he’s also the youngest commanding General of the Atlesian military. Yang: Which... tbh, is kinda weird. Isn’t he pushing fifty? You: Age takes on a whole new concept in the military. Yang: I’d say. Yang: They talked about him when I started my physical therapy. Supposed to inspire me, I guess. You: For what it’s worth, he actually dislikes when people do that. He says that each individual case is a war all unto itself. Comparisons are detrimental to the individual’s recovery. Yang: I like him better already. I’ve been over here trying to just “suck it up” I mean, not like I lost anything more than an arm, what do I have to complain about? You: Hold that thought. Yang: Okay?

-Today, 1558- You: Miss Yang? This is General Ironwood. Yang: Look, I’m all for practical jokes, but this isn’t a good one. You: [photo][open][save] Yang: This is not a joke. You: No, it is not.  You: Miss Yang, I’d like to extend my deepest, sincerest sympathies to you for your loss. Having your life upended in such a way can be extremely disorienting. However, the measure of your strength does not come from what you can or can’t do in comparison to before. It comes from your desire to continue fighting, to find a new balance to your life. Asymmetry is a measure of beauty, strength, and courage in its own right. Yang: Thank you, sir. Yang: *Sir. You: I’d like to extend an invitation to a support group I host. It’s mostly military members from all over Remnant but, if you don’t mind a bit of morbidly crass humor- a habit I’m attempting to break the lot of them from, with limited results- we’d be honored with your presence. Yang: No offense, but I doubt a bunch of soldiers would be “honored” by a mechanic. You: The first thing I teach is to see similarities instead of differences. You saw something dangerous and, rather than run away, you ran towards it. All of us share that experience. You: Except Carl. Yang: What happened to him? You: I apologize; it’s a military specific meme. Winter mentioned you’re rather fond of memes. Yang: Oh, so you know what a meme is, but she doesn’t? You: Don’t tell her I said so- she’s a very good soldier- but she’s always had a stick up her ass. She could use more memes in her life. Yang: Should I take that as an order? You: Absolutely. Yang: Can do. And, uh, sure. About the support group. You: Excellent! I’ll give Winter the details so she can pass them onto you. It was wonderful taking to you, Miss Yang. Yang: Yeah, you too, Sir. You: It’s Winter again. I hope that helped. Yang: Did you literally walk into the office of the commanding General of Atlas’ military, just to hand him your scroll and say ‘talk to this bitch’? You: I didn’t use those words; I told him I had a friend who recently attended physical therapy post amputation and I thought some words of encouragement from him would be a good idea. You: Wait, did he literally say I have a stick up my ass? Yang: WOOOW, meme savvy he might be, but apparently he doesn’t know how to delete a text message. You: I can’t believe he’d say that. You: I most certainly do not have a stick lodged in my posterior, figurative or otherwise. Yang: I’d offer to check but that’s a bit too fast too soon, so I’ll just say you seem alright to me. You: Thank you, Yang. Yang: Cranky when I wake you up at the asscrack of dawn, though. That might be when ass and stick are firm friends. You: Do not make me take it back. Yang: I’m just kidding! Yang: Seriously, though, thanks. You didn’t have to do that. You: You’re welcome.

-Today, 0233- Yang: Did you know it takes the average person seven minutes to fall asleep? You: I sincerely thought you’d be asleep by now. Yang: I did. Woke up. Yang: Sorry. You: Do you know what a contact truck is? Yang: Uh, no, no idea. You: It’s the military vehicle utilized by mechanics, outfitted with tools, so they can drive out and repair other vehicles. Do you know why it’s called that? Yang: Hit me with it. You: That was an actual question. Yang: Huh? You: I’ve been asking for as long as I’ve been in. Not even General Ironwood knows why it’s called that. It just is. Yang: omg that’s hilarious You: It’s that, too. Also incredibly vexing. You: I just want to know why it’s called that. Yang: Heh. If I find out, I’ll let you know. You: Go back to sleep, Yang. Yang: I’ll try. Night. You: And sweet dream. Yang: lol, same to you.

[bixgirl1]

Five Books

Tagged by @julcheninredand @writcraft to list five books that made a deep impression on me at different points in my life. Not necessarily your top five favourite books ever, nor even books you’d recommend to someone else now, but five books that were important at the time, whether you loved them or hated them.

Thank you, guys! (Also, I hate this because I have like 70k books and it made me cry that I couldn’t pick all of them. *snort*)

Taking a cue from Writcraft and going into detail under the cut because it gets long. lol 

In no particular order:

1. Phantom – Susan Kay 2. Written on the Body – Jeanette Winterson 3. The Harry Potter series – JK Rowling 4. Firestarter – Stephen King 5. The Captive Prince series – C.S. Pacat

Honourable mentions (don’t huff at me, you guys asked me about books! Just be glad this list isn’t 200 deep lol):

Shopgirl – Steve Martin Bastard Out of Carolina – Dorothy Allison Second Nature, and Practical Magic –  Alice Hoffman The Stand, and Carrie – Stephen King Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Rebecca Skloot

Notes on the top five below the cut:

1. Phantom, by Susan Kay

“She wanted an Angel of Music . . . an angel who would make her believe in herself at last. I'd been the Angel of Doom for the khanum. There was no reason in the world why I could not be the Angel of Music for Christine. I couldn't hope to be a man to her, I couldn't ever be a real, breathing, living man waking at her side and reaching out for her . . . But I could be her angel.”

This book. God, this book, guys. I’ve read most of the books on my list more times than I can count, but I may have read this one the most. Told from different perspectives (Erik, his mother, his mentor, his friend, Christine, and Raoul), it follows the story The Phantom of the Opera, from birth to postmortem. It shows humanity at its ugliest and most broken, and the heights it can achieve, and does it all surrounding this one brilliant, exceptional man who eventually descends into madness over his love for someone he knows he can’t have. But it’s a redemption story, too, and so bittersweet I can’t, to this day, read it without crying and feeling immensely satisfied. Erik is the perfect anti-hero — maligned at first for something he can’t help, and then later for what people have turned him into, but nearly always sympathized with, and loved by the reader. Until reading this book when I was, I think, twelve or thirteen, I didn’t know writers could do that, tbh.

 2. Written on the Body, by Jeanette Winterson

“When I say ‘I will be true to you’ I am drawing a quiet space beyond the reach of other desires.”

I cannot stress what an impact this book had on me. I first picked it up because I’d read a book of Winterson’s short stories (The World and Other Places) and I thought she had a really cool style and wanted to read more. She lived up to her short stories in style, of course, but what really blew me away about WntB — what really stole my heart and made me think — was that she wrote it in such a way that you never know if the narrator is male or female. I was around sixteen when I first read this, and still heavily involved in the church, and struggling with being attracted to girls as well as boys, and when I read this, the narrator was wholly female to me. I was reading lesbian love affair. I was stirred by it. When I think about the things that have influenced my coming to terms with my bisexuality, with me accepting who I was (though it took me longer to accept that it was okay to be who I was), this book is definitely on that list.

It’s also gorgeous, like everything she writes, so there’s that.

 3. The Harry Potter Series, by JK Rowling

“Harry saw Voldemort's green jet meet his own spell, saw the Elder Wand fly high, dark against the sunrise, spinning across the enchanted ceiling like the head of Nagini, spinning through the air toward the master it would not kill, who had come to take full possession of it at last. And Harry, with the unerring skill of the Seeker, caught the wand in his free hand as Voldemort fell backward, arms splayed, the slit pupils of the scarlet eyes rolling upward. Tom Riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken, the white hands empty, the snakelike face vacant and unknowing. Voldemort was dead, killed by his own rebounding curse, and Harry stood with two wands in his hands, staring down at his enemy's shell.”

 I feel like this one doesn’t really need much explanation behind it. Lol. But I will say that I came into the HP series a few books in, around the time the first movie came out, and I was in an odd place in my life at the time. I was…listless. I’d always been a big reader, but it had been a long while since something had so captured my attention and focus, or had riveted me with its world building in such a way. I fell in absolute love with Harry, with the surrounding characters, with the social and moral parallels drawn. I kept asking myself “this is a kids series?!” There are things, in retrospect, that one can criticise about the Harry Potter series, plenty of valid problems to discuss and deconstruct. But I will never not be loyal to it, for its creativity, for its surprising depth, and for its heart.

 4. Firestarter, by Stephen King

“It was amazing how time got by, how quickly a child could change, change in front of your eyes with an unobtrusiveness that was nearly terrible.”

Many apologies to @julcheninred because I know this one was on your list too, but Firestarter meant so much to me as a kid. I dove into King’s depiction of Charlie, and the simplicity of the writing and plot blended with the complexity of the characters and their relationships. I loved the idea of a young girl with so much power — frightening and potentially deadly, but hers. And though I was too young, when I first fell in love with this book, to understand the (actually pretty overt lol) sexual metaphors, I didn’t need to. It’s not a book that requires you to figure everything out while you’re on the ride — it’s a book that makes you want to, even if that means reading it a hundred times and wearing out several copies. (Which, ahem, I may have done.)

 5. The Captive Prince series, by C.S. Pacat

“He thought of Laurent's delicate, needling talk that froze into icy rebuff if Damen pushed at it, but if he didn't--if he matched himself to its subtle pulses and undercurrents--continued, sweetly deepening, until he could only wonder if he knew, if they both knew, what they were doing.” (Book Two: Prince’s Gambit)

Okay, I know I blog a lot about this series and as a drarry shipper/writer/blogger, it’s easy to assume my reasons. And to be fair, drarry is what initially attracted me to the series. It was first recced to me by @magpiefngrl, then by @l0vegl0wsinthedark and @o0o-chibaken-o0o (thank you guys!!!!!!!) and finally I was so wound up about by them that I checked Amazon for a sample. Upon reading it, I immediately ordered copies, then read all three books online while I waited for the books to be shipped, they’re that good.

And I found it’s not about the similarities to drarry. (There are a few, but only in the most basic of ways.) It’s about the writing, which is so beautifully taut, I genuinely doubt I’ve read anything like it before. It’s about the characters, who are sharp and perfect in their imperfections, and dialogue and tension and subtly intricate plotting that thrills me anew every time I read it. It’s about a love story that feels fantastical and wildly relatable, a happily ever after that you need — and get, like a stunningly wrapped gift you never expected. The way Pacat manages to pivot an arguably hated and hate-worthy character into someone you would give your life for reads like a dream, and I’m not exaggerating when I say these books changed things in me. Maybe all small — an appreciation for simplicity in writing; a jadedness that seems to surface sometimes about my ability to immerse myself in a story — but all fundamental, and all appreciated to my bones.

Idk who’s been tagged so my apologies in advance, but @jadepresley  , @lqtraintracks, @camael-fanart, @femmequixotic, @noeeon, @o0o-chibaken-o0o @agentmoppet and anyone else who wants to partake!  <3

[thefudge]

not here to convert you or anything but i'm kinda surprised u hate j*nsa as much as you do - or at least find it bland as hell - do u hate all aspects of it or would you ship it at a certain angle, if approached a certain way? again, not tryina convert you lmaoo ship & let ship, it's not monogamy in this trash world. I just thought the incest would be up your ally? Also a lot of the fic can be so...missionary so idk, I thought that's why it holds no appeal? words not working rn. just confused

(same j*nsa anon here) alternatively do you ship robb x sansa? sorry, but you’re pretty much the incest lady to me. LOOK - is it because you’re too diehard petyr x sansa to fuck with the rest? Because I’m petyr x sansa trash as well, I contain multitudes. I JUST WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS, BECAUSE AGAIN, YOU’RE THE INCEST LADY SO I JUST WANNA KNOW IF IT’S THE SHIP THAT BORES YOU OR FANDOM. UR THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS FASCINATING. I JUST LIKE READING WHATEVER IT IS YOU COME UP WITH. IF YOU DON’T MIND

“you’re the incest lady” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

haha friend, that’s why subjectivity is so wonderful (love that walt whitman quote), but let me break it down for you

you’re absolutely right that j*onsa should be up my alley. but there are several reasons why it hasn’t had that impact on me

1. petyr/sansa is the first ship that got me into asoiaf/got and it has stuck with me throughout the ages. it really is my kind of dynamic, no doubt about it, especially due to aidan gillen’s really strong work and the fact that petyr baelish is, without exaggeration, one of the best literary characters of the last 30 years (imo). and he brings out the best in sansa. by “best” i don’t mean moral rectitude lol. sansa really comes into her own around him. is he taking advantage of her ? absolutely. is she taking advantage of him? she’s learning how to. it’s a smart, riveting duo that doesn’t even have to be romantic for me to love it. in fact, i prefer it when it is cerebral and manipulative with a small dash of genuine emotions. 

but i AM a big multishipper who likes aaall kinds of things so why can’t i get behind this? 

2. my big gripe is with the show, where j*onsa has been introduced as a dynamic (i DO see book signs that they will be reunited but it’s not a Thing there yet).  basically, GoT has done a very poor job with them. sansa stark has stopped being a legitimate and full-rounded character since season 4. and her characterization really took a nosedive in the past two seasons, which - you guessed it - is when she reconnects with her brother, jon. FIRST of all, they had sansa apologize to him as if she had taunted him all his life, as if she had been the big bully of his youth. MASSIVE EYE-ROLL. it’s as if the writers didn’t know how to make them bond after such a long time. ohhh i don’t know, how about jon remembering those times in their childhood when sansa taught him how to talk to ladies which is a CANONIC event??? they could’ve shared a drink and laughed about his poor manners and sansa could’ve said that he had certainly “improved”. and maybe she could’ve added “i wish i had known you better”, to which he could’ve said “so do i.” SEE. see how easy that was without devaluing the characters!!! Secondly, they don’t show them talking about legitimate, important, intimate things. for fuck’s sake, i’m sure jon would like to know what happened in king’s landing and the eyrie etc. their lack of communication is why he doesn’t really listen to her advice, no? most of their show!conversations are about jon’s shallow man-pain or the glories of house stark. sansa is suddenly consumed with legacy and house-rights. and jon isn’t. and instead of talking about it, instead of asking sansa why she’s hellbent on this mission and maybe having a heart-to-heart about family and trauma…instead of ALL that, they just sort of mumble at each other and become increasingly frustrated with each other’s actions…AND OK, you’re gonna say, maybe that was the point, for them to butt heads and clash BUT

3.the show is afraid to explore their actual feelings/frustrations. sansa will sometimes be angry at him and jon will retaliate, and just when you think things are going somewhere…they both sort of shut up and fold back. the same pattern is obvious during their “affectionate” moments. it’s like they’re both holding back, either due to poor direction or poor writing, or both. the best scene so far still remains their initial hug. 

4. jon snow has also become a sham of a character on the show, and it’s hard to enjoy him with sansa when i can’t stand the way he’s written. it feels like he has been stripped of nuance and personality. so in one scene he chokes littlefinger because he’s being “protective” (possessive) of sansa….then that…just gets dropped. he receives information arya and bran are alive and is…stone-faced about it. like he’s super chill, not really affected by anything. the real jon would’ve fucking flipped, he would’ve tried to see them. and don’t tell me all of this is gonna be picked up in the 6 episodes of the last season…because i have lost all faith in d&d. 

5. i do understand why ppl ship it and i do see book-evidence for it possibly being a stealth endgame but the books haven’t butchered the characters and will surely get there more organically? the show had EVERY opportunity to convince me this dynamic was gold and wasted so much of it, imo. . i’m sure fanfics do a better job with it, but i just…every time they’re on screen it’s so wooden, and i’m certain it’s because they’re being directed by idiots. i’m sure sophie and kit want to show more feelings and act like actual human beings but i assume they’re not allowed. just like sophie and maisie were not allowed to act like sisters. 

6. their partnership ends up devaluing sansa. which annoys me. real jon would absolutely never. hell, real jon would spit on show!jon IM SORRY IT’S TRUE. that’s what’s actually really annoying about it. it could’ve been done so well but….for me it ended up being a bland mess. i’m sure that fics and fandoms elevate it, tho. 

7. even my beloved petyr/sansa has been cheapened by the show to some degree, so you can see why other ships take even harder falls

OKAY BUT robb/sansa u’ve got my attention!!! that would be so fraught! because they’re both tully kids, deep down. aaah. 

and honestly, i could be for book!j*onsa too, if it were written well. but show!j*onsa is a goddamn mess. the show is a goddamn mess. 

[clove-teasdale]

holmes & watson at the ball

*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

A/N: challenge #4! I asked for two more days cause I had a lot of things this week (IM OFFICIALLY 18 YALL. FIRST FIC FINISHED AS A TECHNICAL ADULT(?)) Anyhow. Here is the fic. I was still pretty busy today so this might suck but thERE IS PROGRESS SO. have fun reading and forgive any weird writing or typos. Ft. detective crooks ™, one of my guard ocs cause I always bring one up lol & nate. Thanks @brooks-schreave @nathaniel-schreave @eloiseduval for the rps that couldn’t all be included so this wasn’t a monster fic. around 3,2k words

*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

“Your drink, Lady,” Rogers said, offering me a glass with a half bow as a joke. I snorted, but accepted it, taking a sip of the mysterious orange-tinged drink and tasting the alcohol.

“Well, Officer Rogers,” I stated dramatically, ready to tease him. “I doubt your commanding officer will approve of you giving alcohol to a Selected.”

He gave me a fake glare. “You said to surprise you. I just complied with a cocktail. Besides, it’s not like you’re not old enough.” His amused grin disappeared when I raised both eyebrows, silently asking, ‘am I though?’ He took the drink from my hand and set it on the silver platter of a passing servant. “Never mind.”

I laughed and stole his drink instead. His was just cider, which is what I would’ve asked for if it weren’t for my curiosity of what he would bring otherwise. “I see you like to keep it clean.”

He nodded, gladly taking my comment as a compliment and glancing at the ballroom. “I’m technically still on duty.”

“Fair point.”

I watched the beautifully decored ballroom too, in the midst of couples, spotting Eloise now done with Officer Barnes and dancing with Brooks. The prince looked different in his suit. A good different as he laughed at something our shared friend had told him. The brat kinda had a nice laugh… but anyway, that left my options to be, hanging around Rogers, chatting it up with another Selected or finding someone else to dance with.

I knew at some point of the night I would end up dancing with Brooks since we’d agreed to do so when our lead arrived, but that wouldn’t happen at the moment. Eventually, I was certain Rogers would be asked by another young Lady to dance with him. With no doubt, his good looks would help him. That meant I needed to figure out what I’d do next. My goal of making at least one friend so far had been accomplished with Eloise, but I had yet to establish any meaningful conversations with anyone else.

I was planning on it. Really, I was. But I was always too busy with research on the journal–or actually, any excuse I could come up with. After the success of Marshall’s birthday party, I considered her to be a good prospect though. For a moment, I thought I could try talking with her tonight. Even someone else for the sake of trying.

Many of the girls seemed to be getting a bit too excited about the variety of beverages available, however, and I did not do well with drunk people. While searching for sober familiar faces, I found the one prince we were all supposed to be there for. Finally free to talk.

“Go ahead,” Rogers teased when he noticed where my glance was.

I rolled my eyes, but handed him the glass back, telling him to shut up and walking over to Nate. Tapping his shoulder, I said, “Hello there,” and he turned around.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Quite free to dance at the moment.”

“Well so am I, would you care to dance?” He held out his hand for me to take.

“My, how unexpected of you Nate. It would be a pleasure.”

“Hello, dear Nathaniel.”

Brooks. A mischievous smile on his face and a confused Eloise on his hand as he approached me and Nate mid-dance. Stealing my hand from Nate’s, he changed my place with Eloise and told them to have fun. With no further explanation, he dragged me away.

“Hi.”

That wasn’t how I’d expected him to ask me to dance. Not now. Once I’d offered Eloise and Nate a polite smile, I gave him a deadpan look. “Was there no better moment for this?”

“Nope. See that guy?” He gestured towards a group of men that were clearly advisers. His hand was on my waist and my own on his shoulder as we easily slipped into our waltz. “That’s William Holt, father of the advisor John Holt, and one of the names mentioned in the journal.”

I spared them a glance as casually as possible. W.H. “Our mystery initials from the notes?”

“Yes, dear, our mystery initials.” I did my best not to roll eyes at the grin accompanying his joking ‘dear’ and let him continue. “I spoke a bit to some advisors, and I think he’s here on business. There’s been some talk of someone stealing books from the restricted section of the library.”

I raised an eyebrow with a smirk. “My, my… is that so? No wonder I never saw that journal while I was there. I had no access.”

A smirk of his own spread across his face as he whispered, “Neither did I. But tell me, why are they so fascinated that book is gone?”

“Guess we’re on the right track.”

“I have a plan. I’ve noticed key advisors have been flocking around him deep in some random conversation. If we stay close, we may find something.”

“Lead the way…Highness.”

Dancing us towards the men, I could see the same excitement coming off him as I’d seen the day before when I told him about the ink. It was kinda cute to see that childlike enthusiasm. “Be very quiet and listen.”

Once we were at the required distance to do so, I acted as if nothing was more important than our dancing, in reality, eavesdrop alongside Brooks on what the group was saying. They were too immersed in conversation to care about us or the other couples nearby. Nobody was supposed to be interested in their conversation anyway.

William Holt was older than my father but still managed to look decent. His son, John, did not share his silver hair yet but had the same cheekbones and bushy eyebrows.

“I figured this would happen. It’s a bit soon though,” William complained to the others. None appeared too concerned except John, however.

“Aren’t you worried who has it?”

William took a drink. “My bet is Levi.”

I exchanged looks with Brooks at the mention of a name.

“After all these years? He’s ancient by now.”

“He was always a resourceful one.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“Last I checked, Harrison still lives downtown. He throws some annual New Year’s Eve party. We’ll check him out after that. We wouldn’t want to draw suspicion.” William finished his drink after that as his son and the rest of the advisers nodded in agreement.

I mouthed, ‘journal?’ to Brooks and he danced us away to talk.

“We’ve gotta find that Levi guy.”

“Can we be sure he’s our guy?” I wondered. “I mean, he’s definitely related to the whole ordeal, but he might not be the writer of the annotations.”

“Regardless, it’s a lead. He may know who wrote them.”

His hand played with the fabric on the back of my dress as he spoke. I did my best to ignore it, unsure he was even aware he was doing it. Why I didn’t feel the need to mention it was also beyond me.

“Fair enough. We should check this guy out…But later.”

“You’re right,” he nodded, “We have to stay at the ball for a while longer. I’ll get in trouble if I leave.”

“Such a tragedy,” I said with an eye roll, but my sight drifted soon after to the advisers talking around the room. Dad hadn’t come and I pursed my lips, mumbling, “Strange…” at the realization. He hadn’t called me since his last visit, but I assumed he’d be here. He never missed events.

Before I could debate any possibilities in my head, Brooks spun me around. That earned him a laugh as he said, “Riveting.”

“What is?”

“This whole thing. I feel like I’m a part of the Scooby Gang.”

“A two-person gang?” I asked, amused.

As our investigation hit a pause, I found myself truthfully focused on dancing again, taking more deliberate strides as I watched my feet and smiled. All thanks to one name. I couldn’t help but feel excited. One step closer to the truth. “There’s always Holmes and Watson, you know? I’ll let you be my John.”

“John, really?” Brooks almost scoffed. “Dream on.”

“He’s very important too, don’t belittle the guy.”

“He’s the sidekick, Clove. I’m obviously the main attraction here.”

I let out a single laugh but noticed the small smile he gave me. “Don’t flatter yourself that much, Brooks. And stop insulting John! He had the heart of the team… well, depending on the adaptation.”

“If you prefer him so much, you can be him. I insist.”

I rolled my eyes and smiled smugly. “Need I remind you who of us managed to decipher that horrid writing and translate it?”

“Need I remind you of,” he twirled me again, “who started this in the first place?”

I feigned offense with a gasp, not missing a beat on my steps though. “I was doing my own research before you came along in case you weren’t aware.”

“But I definitely sped things up for you, didn’t I? Admit it. You needed me.”

“I had already admitted that… in my head, at least. From day one, that’s why I agreed to work with you. You needed my help as much as I needed yours. We wouldn’t have gotten far without each other.” I cleared my throat, noticing how my last sentence sounded and clarified, “Each other’s help, I mean.”

As I watched the way his lips parted to reveal a small smile, his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink. “I really do appreciate your help. I hope you know that.”

Unable to drift my gaze away, I smiled too, pleasantly surprised by the sincere tone of his voice–the honesty, lacking any hint of sarcasm this once. “Well, now I know…I’m glad to be included.” It was strange to feel shy at the admission, but I only averted my eyes for a second and then looked back up. “It seems my help on other matters served its purpose too.”

“What do you mean?”

“No stepping on feet so far…and I haven’t been spun into oblivion either,” I teased and he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t jinx me.”

I chuckled. “Just keep it up.”

The song slowed down even more as he pulled me closer, like when we’d whispered to each other during dancing practice. The difference was that this time, his hand also covered the back of mine and pulled it to rest against his chest. I wasn’t sure if I imagined his heartbeat or not.

“Only for you.” His voice was dramatic as if it were one of his many jokes. Nonetheless, it somehow felt like there was some truth behind the words.

Blinking up at him, I was unable to reply for a few seconds at the change of positions. My head kept making mental notes that seemed rather unnecessary, such as the warmth of his hand seeping into mine. The way my heart almost fluttered at the proximity of our faces. The smell of hazelnut on him. My lack of concern for how close we were to each other. It felt very different from yesterday’s practice.

I rolled eyes at his joking tone, but when meeting his gaze again, a lump formed in my throat. I hoped my freckles would hide my slight blush as I said, “Lucky me.”

A small laugh. “As a gentleman, I feel like I should compliment you.”

I chuckled softly too. “But as Brooks, you must mock me, I’m sure.”

“No.” He paused. “A gentleman would feel required to tell you how lovely you look, but Brooks… I would mean it.”

My heartbeat was definitely skyrocketing now and I wasn’t sure why or how to make it stop. He’s just being nice. I stared down at my dress, smiling. Hopefully, not too awkwardly. That was actually… really sweet of him to say.

“Is that so? Well, you look quite handsome yourself.” I kept the tone light and decided not to make a big deal out of it. “Not too bad…”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘dashing’.”

“How very humble of you.”

A while later, the song came to an end and he released my hand slowly. I kinda missed the feeling of it wrapped around mine. “Meet me at the door when I signal you. We can research the address of that guy. We don’t have a lot of time until New Year’s Eve.”

An hour or so later, when I’d danced with Barnes, some politicians and chatted up with Eloise about that new trinket around her neck upon her return to the ballroom, I saw Brooks near the exit, brushing a thumb over his nose. I returned the signal and made sure no one was watching before walking over.

Brooks pulled me out into the hallway.  “Sorry if I cut your evening short.”

“We have to figure this out anyway. It’s the best lead we’ve got.”

He nodded and led the way to another part of the palace forbidden for the Selected. Once there, he gestured for me to be silent and got a key from his pocket. I kept a lookout as he opened the door cautiously. I had to reprimand myself for suddenly agreeing on his Scooby gang comparison.

He let me walk in first and closed the door softly behind him. I decided to ask where he’d gotten that key at another moment and followed him as he swiftly made his way to the single computer in the room. Technology had been making a comeback amongst some crowds in the past years but was still pretty rare.

Despite that, Brooks didn’t seem to have a problem browsing the computer. “This is where they keep the online files of addresses, birthdates, castes, stuff like that. All we have to do is look at past advisors and search for a Harrison Levi.”

My finger traced the top of the old equipment as I took a glance at the other file cabinets and bookshelves in the room. “In how much trouble would we be if we were caught here?”

“Lots and lots.” He glanced up from his typing quickly and asked, “Why?”

I focused on the different folders he was opening on the screen. “Aren’t you concerned?”

“I’ve spent my entire life being nervous about things. I’m past the point of nerves now.” The relentless sound of clicking echoed in the room as he continued. “Here’s the page. We just need to let it load now, which could take…” he squinted at the screen, “a while.”

“Just because I’ve avoided being caught before doesn’t stop me from being nervous, sadly. Especially because this is so much worse than just being out after curfew. I don’t entirely mind the adrenaline, simply want to know how much I’m risking here.”

He replied nothing at first and began humming instead. I couldn’t stop the memory of our duet from crossing my mind.

And all I’ve seen since eighteen hours ago is blue eyes and freckles and your smile… Spinning around in his swivel chair, he faced me, a hint of uncertainty in his features. “I really am sorry to have pulled you away from the Ball.”

I tried to wave away his insecurity. “It’s fine. I had already danced enough and made my presence.” Moving the edges of my skirt, I made the fabric dance around my legs and added with a shrug, “And I got to wear a pretty dress so…”

“You’re not upset I pulled you away from Nate? I know it’s hard to get time with him.”

“He’s a busy guy, but what we got was good. He has a lot of other girls to worry about more than me.” I thought about our conversation during the ball again. I did feel good around Nate, but not like there was something yet. I even brought up the word ‘friend’ without a care in the world. “I‘m pretty sure what we have will always be a friendship and that’s okay.”

Brooks lifted both eyebrows. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, that’s what it feels like… I like him, but not in that way, you know? Some others already seem to have feelings for him and as much as I care for him it’s not… romantic. I came here knowing love had a very slim chance of striking, so I’m not that disappointed I guess,” I spared him a glance, “Why so surprised?”

He repressed a smile and turned back to the computer. “I’ve always shown an interest in your love life, haven’t I? I’m nosy like that.”

I clicked my tongue and narrowed my eyes at him. Smiling was unavoidable though. “You’re still horrible.” Leaning forward to take a closer look at the screen, I asked if there was a match yet. The computer seemed to continue running over a million old archives, however.

From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw him spare me a glance, like my proximity made him nervous, but the screen finally loaded and stole my attention away. The profile picture of a man in his early thirties had popped up along other windows behind it. The photo was not recent, of course. It had to be from the days this man worked as part of the royal cabinet. Ginger hair and lively green eyes had once gazed upon a camera for that picture.

“It’s a match, holy shoot, it’s a match!”

Leaning even closer to the screen and reaching for the mouse over Brooks, I held back the euphoria bubbling in my stomach, clicking on the other windows to see more information. His files confirmed his years working with the royal family as an adviser. His early resignation did not go unnoticed, but a few clicks later I found what I was searching for.

In a handful of documents, one of them contained his signature. My eyes widen as I read aloud, “Harrison Levi… It’s the same handwriting.” A grin slowly took over my face, “the strokes and loops, the way he strings the letters together.” I turned to Brooks with a wide smile. “It’s him. He wrote the annotations.”

He didn’t move for an instant as if he’d been watching me from the moment I opened my mouth with some sort of fascination. The second passed by fast and he stood up. “Do you know what this means? Clove, we have his address. We can find this guy!”

Running a hand through my hair, I looked back at Brooks, beaming with excitement. “We found him…He’s alive and we know where he lives.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “We even have a party to crash!”

He ran a hand through his hair as well, full of disbelief, in the frenzy of our eureka moment, picking me up, hands on my waist as he swung me around in a thrill. All I could do was chuckle with the same happiness and anticipation. A sense of butterflies in my stomach I finally understood.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for what happened right after, however.

[kitten1618x]

GoT Afterthoughts 7x06 Beyond the Wall (Jonsa Edition) SPOILERS

Hello lovelies ... apologies for the delay! As most of you know, my Marine was home briefly. ❤️ 

 We begin our episode with the war room map/table in Dragonstone and a fire crackling in the background -ominous foreshadowing? We then join Jon and the boys hiking through the winter wonderland. Tormund being Tormund pokes Gendry for some fun, before the talk with Jon takes a more serious turn. He asks about the Dragon Queen, and Jon tells him that she'll only help if he bends the knee. Tormund tells Jon he's spent too much time with the freefolk and now he doesn't like kneeling. 

 Now, what Tormund said next admittedly confused me (and I'm paraphrasing): "Mance was a great man, a proud man, but how many of his people died for his pride?" To my knowledge it was Mance himself who died because he refused to kneel -not the freefolk? Were Wildlings slaughtered off-screen unbeknownst to us? I'm not being facetious -if I'm wrong in my confusion, someone please correct me. Otherwise, what we have here is a plot hole -almost like Tormund giving Jon a reason to kneel, to not be like Mance and not put his family and people in peril over his pride. I'm not ready to bag on the writing just yet, but this is a blatant inconsistency -just sayin'.... 

 But moving on ... Gendry airs his grievances with the brotherhood and the Hound tells him to suck it up buttercup and that's that for now. We are then brought to Jon and Jorah speaking not of Dany (which, ya know -would make sense since this whole "epic romance" plot and all) but instead, they are bonding over their fallen fathers. 

 Jon: “my father was the most honorable man I've ever met, he was good all the way through, and he died on the executioners block.” (We'll come back to this). 

Honorable Ned's son, honorable Jon takes off Longclaw and offers it to Jorah. Jorah insists that Jon keep it, deeming himself unworthy. 

 Jorah: “It's yours. May it serve you well, and your children after you.”

Cue WINTERFELL music and a pensive looking Jon. Contemplating your future children, Jon? Imagining their red hair and curls? Tully and Stark looking? Okay, I'll stop now -but come on guys -what an Easter egg! And right from there we jump to Winterfell (SURPRISE) and Jon's future wife (and mother of his children).

Our lovely Stark sisters are in the traditional Stark spot upon the battlements. Arya tells a heartwarming tale of Ned catching her practicing archery and clapping when she finally hit the bullseye. It was sweet, and lovely, and everything I'd been praying for for weeks, but then the accusations fly and all is lost. Arya has the letter that Cersei made Sansa pen to Robb. Sansa is naturally upset about this and defends herself with the truth: they made her write it (even Robb knew that when he read it, geez Arya come on -It's not like you did/didn't do things, too!). Does everyone remember when she was Tywin's cupbearer? Because I do. 

 I don't blame either of my precious angels for what they did/didn't do to survive as scared, isolated and traumatized little girls -and dammit, they shouldn't either! But more on this later .... 

 Now, I don't like what they made Sansa say about Arya "should be on her knees thanking her" -it's not that she isn't right about the part she played in re-taking Winterfell, but THAT was definitely some shitty writing. 

 We flash back to our boys, and Tormund is attempting to bond with the Hound. Aside from being some of the best comic relief this show has delivered in a long time, I'm becoming sweet on Tormund x Brienne. Stop me! I love Brienne x Jamie too much! I'm trash! Someone just wheel me out to the alley and light my ass on fire! 

We got a nice little callback to Ygritte and naturally Sansa too -because "Gingers are beautiful, they're kissed by fire". More on this later, too ..... 

 We switch over to Beric and Jon first discussing how much Jon apparently doesn't resemble Ned (sure Jan) and then the creepy religion (again, burning children is bad, guys -I'm with Varys on this religion). Jon doesn't serve the Lord of Light, he serves ONLY the North. They do seem to agree on one thing: they are protectors, and Jon recites some of his Nights Watch vows: "I am the shield that guards the realms of men." More on this later .... (Are you guys picking up a theme here yet? Let's see if you figure it out before I get to the end of this post). 😉 

 After the Hound points them towards the mountain he saw in his vision, we go to Dragonstone where Dany decides to compliment Tyrion by insulting him? lol What she likes about him is that he's not a hero -heroes are stupid with their constant pissing contests (she's not wrong) -except I'm not sure I'd consider Daario or Drogo heroes? Tyrion points out that all these brave men have fallen for her -including Jon Snow, because apparently unbeknownst to US the actual viewers, he's been oogling her ....?? Daenerys denies it, but you can tell by her body language that this pleases her. But -"he's too little for her" ???? What does that even mean? 

Honestly, I can't figure out my Little Lion this season and it's kind of pissing me off. Is he cracked out on Dragon love too? Or is he being clever and playing the game? Varys did say he needed to find a way to make her listen. Does Tyrion think Jon can influence her? And where the hell is Varys, by the way? 

Dany brings up the upcoming meeting and her impulsive temper comes up -and the Tarlys (expect them to come up again in the near future too, guys). Tyrion warns her about ruling with fear and then the convo shifts to the subject of Dany's mortality and her line of succession. Dany jumps into serious angry paranoia mode (Targ trait) and flings accusations of Tyrion's loyalty at him again. Look -I fully understand that this is a touchy (and rightly so) subject for Dany, but I don't think he's in the wrong here -the line of succession is important to any monarch, and especially one that intends to ride into battle. But ...not today Tyrion, not today. 

We jump back over the wall, and now the boys are traipsing through blizzard-like conditions. Is it still the same day? Has night fallen, or is it just dark due to the snow storm? Ugh, this episode is leaving me with more questions than answers! They spot, and are spotted by an undead bear, and a few redshirt Wildlings are taken out. Thoros and Beric light the sonofabitch on fire, Tormund whacks it with his battle axe -I mean, this damn thing takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin', and ends up with Thoros in its mouth, before Jorah takes it out with a dagger (assuming it was dragon glass?). A chug of alcohol and a cauterizing of the wound, and he's miraculously up on his feet and ready to continue. 

On a side note: poor precious hound and his fire PTSD. 😔 Cant wait for Clegane bowl -hope it ends with fire and Sandor conquering his fear while exacting his revenge. 

And now we're back in Winterfell, and a distressed Sansa is confiding in Little Finger. If ya'll didn't pick up that she was sniffing him out, then I just can't help you. Sansa doesn't trust him. I strongly suspect she knows that letter turned up because of him. I'm 99% confident she was jugging him for info .... 

Sansa is nervous about the letter, though -rightly so, because if the lords see it, they may withdraw their support -BUT she isn't worried for herself, she's worried for Jon and keeping his army (amassed to 20k now -when did that happen? Go Sansa!) -so wake up and suck a fat one, Sansa haters! Don't you guys get it yet?!?! Sansa is loyal to Jon -shit, even Little Finger gets it. Why do you think he's so bent on sewing discourse between the sisters, now? Because all his attempts to drive a wedge between Jon and Sansa have failed! 

We return to the winter wonderland, and now it's Jorah/Thoros bonding time. I'm sorry that I don't care enough to repeat their exchange -it wasn't exactly riveting, and I pretty much knew that it was his "death knell". Anyone else getting whiplash from all this back and forth? 

Upon their climb, they hear the clinking of an undead scouting party. Interesting .... they send scouting parties ahead? The NK and his Generals are pretty smart. Which caused something to pop into my head: are Gilly's brothers the NK's Generals? But back to the action ... they start a fire to lure them in and ambush them. Jon kills the General and all but one of the wights fall. Aside from the convenience of all but the one they need falling, this is also interesting. If they take out the generals who raised them, the wights will automatically fall -so if the NK is taken out, then his entire army would perish! Hmmm ... 

So, my dudes tackle Bones and he lets out an ear piercing screech, which apparently alerts the others (hmmm -they communicate, too?). With an avalanche of the undead rolling down upon them at high speeds, they collectively shit their pants while hogtying Bones, and Jon orders Gendry to run for Eastwatch and get a Raven to Dany, declaring that he's "the fastest". Well, this is all well and good, but please explain to me just exactly HOW Jon knows this? Because I didn't know Gendry was fast ...did you? And not only do they send this poor kid who's never even seen snow before, off into the arctic wilds by his lonesome, entrusting his supposed internal GPS (I guess???), but they take his freaking weapon so he has no means to defend himself, to boot! 

And off he goes, while Jon and the crew race for shelter and find themselves standing over the weak ice of a frozen pond/lake. With no other place to go but forward, they take their chances and make for the rock in the middle, as the dead close in on them and after grabbing a few more redshirt Wildlings, the wights break the weakened ice and begin falling into icy water, creating a barrier and a trap for our boys. Winded, but alive, they freeze their tushes off, as night falls and an exhausted Gendry collapses before the gate of Eastwatch. Daddy Davos comes to cradle on of his fostered sons as Gendry breathlessly pleas to send a Raven. 

It's morning on the rock, and our dudes have snuggled to keep warm overnight. The Hound rouses from his comfy Jon Snow pillow to kick the grumbling Bones, who's probably just salty that he didn't get invited to the slumber party. Sandor gives him a good morning kick in the ribs, and when Bones squeals in displeasure, so do some of the wights surrounding them. Another clue of their links? 

Unfortunately, Thoros hasn't made it through the night. They burn his body and Beric says the creepy Lord of Light's prayer. I hope someone had the good sense to take his flaming sword first, but I doubt it, because while I love my boys -they aren't exactly clever ...they did go on a wight hunt, after all. 🙄 

Jorah and Jon discuss the connection and Jorah suggests trying to take out the WW's as their best chance of survival. Jon says no, they need to take that thing (Bones) back with them and a Raven is on its way to Dany -she's their only chance. I suppose she has the same magic GPS as Gendry. 😳 Beric joins them and counters that argument with just taking out the NK -he turned them all after all ...kill him and they all fall. 

Now, Jon puzzles me here. His reply to Beric's suggestion is: "You don't understand." 

What Jon? What don't we understand, baby?? Tell us!!!! Is Jon suddenly afraid of his own mortality? I don't think so, but then -what don't we understand?????? 

*screaming internally* 

Beric counters with how the lord brought them both back and maybe this is why. I'm not sure what Jon's thinking while his chest heaves and he eye fucks the NK -but .... perhaps he really is afraid? Maybe of failing and being forced to rise and fight on the NK's side? Suggestions are welcome here .... really. 

We jump back to Winterfell and Sansa has received an invite to KL. So, who sent this invite? Sansa refuses to go -and is certainly justified considering .... She intends to send Brienne in her stead, but Brienne is uncomfortable leaving Sansa unprotected because of Little Finger. She requests to at least leave Podrick behind, but Sansa denies her request, and after trying several times to politely put her off, she finally rudely dismisses her. Now, I have no doubt that Sansa is truly frightened to go to KL because of Cersei, but I also think that she specifically chose Brienne to represent her -not only because she trusts her to represent her interests, but also because of what Little Finger implied earlier -about Brienne intervening with Arya if necessary. I'd like to think that Sansa is not only protecting her little sister, but also Brienne's honor of having to side with one of the sisters should things get ugly. (They won't, trust me). 

We flip over to Dragonstone and Tyrion tries to convince Dany not to run off to the rescue, but (thankfully), she doesn't listen. She mounts Drogon and off to the rescue her and her lizard babies go! 

We're back at the boulder now, and an apparently bored Sandor is throwing rocks at the "cunt" wights. Not that I blame him, but we all knew where this was going, right? The ice has re-frozen and slowly, the dead advance on them again. This shit was really unbelievable, tbh. With the sheer amount of wights surrounding them, they should have been swarmed, but somehow manage to keep most of them at bay. Jon yells "fall back" (to where????) as Tormund gets grabbed and, oh my heart!!!! I swear I had a mini stroke! But thankfully, Sandor grabs him just in time (he knows he fucking LOVES fire kissed Gingers, okay?)!

And just when it seems that all is lost, Dany and lizard puppies arrive to fuck shit up!! Okay, despite their destruction to actual human life a few weeks ago -this was beautiful and visually very satisfying! This is what the dragons are for! They take out a good chunk of the NK's army -which is WHY I assume he targets the dragon still flying overhead and raining down hellfire on his army, rather than Drogon who was chilling while they all saddled up. I mean, it's just a guess, but it's truly the ONLY logical explanation I could come up with. 😐 

Dany reaches immediately for Jon, but a wight charges, and Jon turns to dispatch it, as well as a few of its comrades while the others climb atop Drogon. You know, Jon being the hero he was accused of earlier in the episode? The NK marches forward and takes aim at Viserion -who is still fucking up his army (as I mentioned above, and why I think he may have targeted him), as Jon continues to blindly fight the wights instead of climbing his dumbass on the fucking dragon! Why? So it can be HIS fault for what happens next, of course! 

I legit cried when Viserion died. I'm a grown-ass woman, and I don't give a shit! It was heartbreaking, to watch him plummet from the sky and crash into the lake, his eye drifting closed as he slipped below the ice ... and personally, I think Dany's facial expression nailed it: gut wrenching shock. As a mother, my heart broke for her, even though I know that the dragons future demise is necessary. 

An angry Jon charges right towards the NK for a standoff, as if he took Beric's words to heart and was prepared to sacrifice himself right then and there to kill the NK and save the whole damn world! But the NK doesn't want to scrap -instead, he reaches for another ice spear, and Jon seeing that he intends to take out another dragon, screams for them to go. 

He turns to sprint for Drogon (I guess? Because Drogon had already begun to take off?) but he's tackled by wights and dragged into the icy water. The group hauls ass into the air as an ice spear whizzes towards them, but Drogon avoids it and almost sends Jorah to an early grave. Dany glances back for any sight of Jon as Drogon flies them to safety. 

After the dragons fly off, the NK and his army nonchalantly shuffle on as if nothing happened. We get a shot of Longclaw by the ice hole and suddenly Jon lunges out of the water and uses its hilt to drag himself out of the icy lake. Soaked and frozen and probably figuring this is the end, he raises his sword to go out fighting and uncle Benjen drops in to save the day! He hauls a popsicle Jon onto his undead? horse and tells him to ride for the pass, declining Jon's offer to come with him and telling him "there's no time". Now -I've seen this part criticized, and I get it, I do -except what is Benjen supposed to do? He can't pass the wall -he's dead too. Guess he figured it best to go out fighting then endless undead loneliness. Maybe he figured he had no more dumbass nephews to save from beyond the wall anymore? Whatever the case, it was sad to see yet another Stark perish -even if he was technically already dead. 

We're back at Eastwatch now, and the Hound is dumping Bones in a dingy, as Beric says farewell and they'll meet again. The Hound says he fucking hopes not, but I don't think he means it. 😉 Atop the wall, Dany gazes forlornly at the landscape below, as Jorah tells her it's time to go (and calls her "Your Grace", and not Khaleesi? Since when?). As she turns to leave, the horn blows and Benjen's horse comes into view (and where have I seen this scene before?) only this time, WITH a rider. Hey -how the fuck did he get his horse back, anyway?

The Targ ship unfurls its sails, and we're in Jon's cabin as Davos literally peels the frozen furs from his trembling body, and sweet mary mother of God, Kit's abs! 😍 As Jon freezes to death, I'm just praying that Davos continues with his disrobing of Jon (and the camera follows), but nope ... 😔 Dany watches from the doorway with a mixture of worry, awe and since she's only human, probably lust (I feel you girl, I really do). On a serious note: she's privy to all those horrid scars that were never stitched and are still literal almost gaping gashes in his chest -and one directly over his heart. I bet Davos' words are ringing in her ears again. 

After that gratuitous abs scene, we head back to Winterfell, where Sansa is snooping through Arya's room -probably looking for the letter. Instead, she stumbles onto Arya's face collection. WTF! Naturally, Arya catches her snooping, and begins to terrify Sansa, and myself collectively, with some creepy dialogue that rings as an ominous threat -except, well ... let's break this down a bit. She is sharing some of her past. She wants to play the Game of Faces, but Sansa is not having any of this shit.

I'm pretty sure that Arya drops a MAJOR foreshadowing bomb here: "We both wanted to be other people when we were younger. You wanted to be a queen, sitting next to a handsome king on the iron throne and I wanted to be a knight riding off to battle." 

Okay, back to the terrifying conversation... Arya: "With the faces, I can become someone else, live in their skin, speak in their voice. I can even become you ..."

*she picks up the catspaw dagger and steps closer to Sansa* 

 (With the dagger in her hand): "I wonder what it would feel like, wearing those pretty dresses, to be the Lady of Winterfell. All I'd need to find out is your face."

 *she flips the dagger and hands it to Sansa HILT first* 

 When Sansa takes the dagger, Arya casually turns and leaves the room.

ARYA WAS PLAYING THE GAME OF FACES. Yes, it's shitty, and she gave her sister a mini stroke, but here's the thing: I believe they are BOTH playing Little Finger separately -to protect one another AND Jon, they just don't realize that the other is doing it yet. I'm fully confident that either Bran is going to sit our Starklings down, or they're going to figure it out on their own. And speaking of Bran, where the hell is he? Is he off with Varys? WTH?! 

Okay, and we're finally at the scene that y'all were dreading .... Jon's eyes drift open to a teary-eyed Dany who's relieved to see him wake. Immediately, he apologizes for her loss. She shakes her head and lowers it to hide her tears (probably trying not to make him feel worse), and Jon reaches for her hand. He tells her he wishes he could take it back and that they'd never gone. Dany shakes her head again and disengages her hand. She disagrees -she needed to see to understand. 

She tells him that the dragons are her children -the only children she'll ever have, and asks him if he understands what she's trying to convey. Jon shakes his head yes, as Dany vehemently professes her support in helping Jon defeat the NK. 

Now, I received an ask earlier last week when this episode leaked, about whether I thought Dany was doing this only for vengeance -and certainly, that does factor into her decision, I'm sure. And I don't fault her one fucking bit, tbh. I'm a mother -if you hurt my kids, I'm coming straight for you -why do you think the term "mama grizzly" was coined? But, on the other hand -she's now seen this horrific undead army, and what they are capable of. As someone who freed slaves, it only makes sense that she'd want to help make sure that humanity is not enslaved by the NK and the dead. This is WHY Dany is here, you guys. Not to be queen. Not to be Jon's wife. But to help save humanity with her fire-made flesh dragons, and die in a very messianic way -as such has been the arc they built her character upon. 

Jon immediately thanks her, and calls her Dany. She's taken aback -and explains that no one has called her that in a very long time. She brings up Viserys and in a roundabout way, says he was a dick, as to which Jon replies: "alright, not Dany. How about my queen? I'd bend the knee, but ..." he nods his head towards his injured state, as Dany asks about the people who've sworn allegiance to him (because she suddenly cares about that now?) and Jon says (and like I TOLD YOU ALL LAST WEEK when I watched this leaked scene, how very important and almost foreboding his words are): "They'll come to see you for what you are." 

WHAT YOU ARE. Not who you are. Not how caring you are. Not anything other than ambiguously WEIRD: what you are!!! 

Dany is still touched by this seemingly heartfelt declaration, and with more tears welling in her eyes, grasps his hand and proclaims that she hopes she deserves it, and Jon reassures her that she does. After some silent eye contact, she pulls her hand free from his grasp and tells him to get some rest. 

He obliges and closes his eyes, and then when she leaves the room, his eyes reopen and he looks -guilty? As he releases what sounds like an exasperated sigh. 

And finally, we end the night with the dead dragging Viserion from the icy depths with some heavy duty chains, and the NK reanimates him. Okay, I just have to say how fucking stupid that is. Where did these massive chains come from? Why didn't he just raise his arms and raise Viserion like he did the Wildlings at Hardhome? It would have been a lot cooler if he came lunging out of the water all blue eyed, rather than be dragged up with chains. Ugh whatever! 

Okay, so for a penultimate episode, I'm not majorly impressed, but I didn't hate it.

So, some things we need to go back and touch on (as noted throughout). Have you all figured out where I was going with it? Yes? No? 

Okay - SO MANY CALLBACKS TO THE NIGHTS WATCH HERE, GUYS! 

We got Ygritte callbacks with "Gingers are kissed by fire". We got the Jon/Beric convo which was kind of reminiscent of Half Hand/Jon's convo when they were with the Wildling's as prisoners, and Jon even recited a piece of his Nights Watch vows! We've got Tormund bringing up Mance, and his refusal to kneel AND we've got an almost replicated scene (horn blowing and all) of Uncle Benjen's horse riding for the gate of the wall, only this time, WITH a rider! 

What does that remind me of? Well, a previously duplicitous undercover Jon infiltrating the Wildlings -using them to achieve his goal of getting back to Castle Black alive, to warn the Watch of the impending attack and to do his duty -hold the Wall against the Wildlings. How did he do that? By deceiving Ygritte -despite his feelings. 

Now, I'm not saying I'm right, and it's just a theory -but I truly do believe that Jon is playing Dany. BUT, I also truly believe that he does like her, and that he does really believe she has a good heart. She did just lose one of her children to save him and the crew ...  Jon's odd and ambiguous words: "They'll see you for what you are" is for our benefit -a clue to know where the story is headed. However, I do think that the fact that he actually admires and cares for her (cares, NOT loves) is making him feel pretty shitty for what he is/has to do, on top of the guilt he feels for being at fault for Viserion's death. 

It's no coincidence that he couldn't look in her eyes when he offered to bend the knee. It's also very telling that he did so when no one was around to hear/witness this. While Dany has been wearing her obvious heart eyes on her sleeve for a few episodes now, Jon has been pretty guarded, he hasn't shared ANYTHING personal, his expressions have been odd -and blank, mostly (as in this scene, as well) ... this developing "romance" has felt "off". With Dany's attraction being so blatant, I think that Jon easily picked up on her feelings for him, and he's using that -playing on those feelings, to secure an alliance. 

So why is this necessary if Dany already agreed to help him? Truth be told, I feel like Jon just doesn't fully trust her. Good heart or not, she is a stranger, he's seen her temper and how quickly she turned on Tyrion that day -this is Jon being smarter than Father (also brought up several times in the episode -as well as his honor) and Robb -who ironically was also brought up in this episode by way of Sansa's letter! 

Addressing the weirdness of Jon calling Dany, "Dany"? I believe this was to assert a familial tie -in the same episode where her brother was brought up, and ironically, the dragon that died, was named for. They are reminding us they're actually FAMILY (incase we forgot) because of what's going next episode, y'all. They want us to be kind of squicked out when it happens. 

All the mentions of Dany's inability to conceive? Well, for two reasons, really- to hit us (and Jon) over the head with the fact that Dany can't get pregnant, so boatbang can happen, basically -and Mr. "doesn't want to sire a bastard", feels confident to hang up his vow of celibacy if there's no shot of getting Dany pregnant. And also, for all of our tongues to be wagging about "oh no, could their be a magic Targ baby"? like many have been. A red herring for the red herring, anyone? A baby requires a time jump -a time jump cannot happen -the dead are literally KNOCKING on the Wall. If you've got a logical explanation for me -let's have it. And yes, I've heard the shadow baby theory, and while I think it's uber cool, I'm not really onboard with it -who would it kill, as that is their purpose?

Also -the NK and his Generals are impervious to fire -unlike the wights. But -will dragon glass and Valaryian steel kill the NK? I'm starting to doubt that ... 

 And before I sign off on this, I wanted to address one more thing (that I specifically looked for in my re-watch) -the mention I saw floating around here, of the Wolf eyes on Longclaws hilt opening as Jon emerged from the frozen lake -it did look like that, but it was just a shadow-a trick of the light, if you go back and watch it. 😉 

 Thanks for tuning in again. See you next week for my final recap of the season. And FYI: my kiddos start school the next day, so I can't stay up til 2 am recapping -my recap will be posted on Monday, instead. ✌🏻

[neth-dugan]

Nine Worlds 2017

This is a slightly lengthy report but meh. Tumblr has a ‘skip to next post’ function so what the heck.

I managed to get a pre-con cold rather than the traditional post-con one, which I’ve managed to give to @knittedace​ as well, oops. I did have hand gel on me and tissues to minimise the spread. If I gave anybody else my cold I’m sorry!

I met up with @knittedace​ on the Thursday. We were meant to go to the Natural History Museum but I’d been off work sick the previous day and just couldn’t do it. No energy. Instead we met up at the hotel itself and as soon as we could get into the room we unpacked and I took a nice and much needed nap.

We went to the ‘Cheese and Cheese’ evening event, one of two events to welcome people to the convention. There was cheese of both the literal and literary variety to be enjoyed. I read out a riveting and very cheesy Power Rangers VHS tape description, but the best was a very cracky, rather explicit Doctor Who one that had the entire room in hysterics. I was laughing so much I was coughing up a lung.

FRIDAY

I was initiated into the Order of the Dalek! Learnt how to put on @knittedace​‘s knitted Dalek costume - something I got better at as the weekend went on. I also came across some great cosplays, and @knittedace​ got to pose with a Missy and Thirteenth Doctor. She’ll post the pic if she wants to. 

In the morning I decided to go for something different from what I usually go to. We’d met the woman running some of the kids panels and she invited us along. So I went. It was pretty cute, gave the parents some adults to be around too and just played some simple games. Don’t really get to do that ever. And then there was a fun story that was like some kind of Dinosaur version of Planet of the Apes but about environmental issues and written a few decades back.

Then I went to a crafty thing in which we all made hair bands! Met some great teens, two of whom had made their own cosplays. For one it was her fourteenth birthday and she ended up having to help me out because I’m rubbish at this stuff. We had some good talks fandom but also human orientations and labels and just being happy with who you are.  Oddly we all also ended up in the next thing which was basically free tea and cake with tables to chat at. 

I came across this same group of teens at this con, all through the weekend. They’re all smart and for all that they’re still growing up and maturing they’re great people already.

I was given the green tea left ofter after. Yay free tea!

Toxicity in Fandom was my next stop. Nothing particularly surprising but still a good talk that had someone who had once been a part of those hostile groups though they’ve grown up and are better now. It also touched on how the toxicity doesn’t just come from the traditional bigots and gamergate type folk, but also people from those who use the language of social justice to bully rather than for good. The folk who live up to all the bad things people throw at the ‘sjw’ name.

Nine at Nine Worlds: Nine Tropes which was about, well, tropes in fan fic. Nine of us presenting five minutes on our favourite trope. It had the return of Nina - Lady of the Puppets - and then I did mine on ‘Time Travel Fix It Fics’. Went well. People laughed. Someone the next day pulled me aside to have a chat about it. Apparently I accidentally made them read loads of fic with the trope. Oooops. There was also a dramatic 007/Q power point fic reading that I helped out with, to lots of laughter.

There was also a late night game of Slash, with my home made deck, with other members of that panel including Tanya who had lead it. Tanya, for those who don’t know, was co-head of the Fan Fiction track back when tracks were organised differently and there was a specific Fan Fiction track. She’s still a big part of the fan works type stuff and is pretty damn awesome. She’s been there to help me out when I needed it and is pretty brilliant. There were also others who just came and joined in and that’s the beauty of these things. But then it was time for bed.

SATURDAY

Before any panels started, me and @knittedace​ met up with the person who’d be our third in Sunday’s Redemption round table to have a real world chat over breakfast which was fun. I’ve no idea if he has a tumblr ID to tag him in however. I’d wanted to have someone who knew about anime on there because neither me or @knittedace​ know anything about it. I know about Yuri on Ice but not much else. And though it’s mostly a workshop it is a bit panel so yeah. We had a great talk. And food.

We found the infamous ‘TARDIS full of Bras’ cosplayer. For those who don’t know there was a comment on a British newspaper site that is our version of Fox saying that the new Doctor couldn’t be a woman because then the TARDIS would be full of bras. So some brilliant soul went and turned this into a cosplay and just…. love. Again the pic I have is of Helen too so it’s up to her to post it. But seriously, OMG LOVE.

Time Travel and Film was our first panel of the day. We both got there in time for the hall to be mostly empty. I had on my TNG uniform hoodie thing with my comms badge pin so we get this photo:

The talk itself was also fun. Presented by an actual university lecturer on Philosophy, and turns out she was also the woman on a panel I’d be running later in the day. I looked at her name on the power point, down at the names I had for the panel and up again and went ‘huh’. Seriously though, good lecture about time travel from the perspective of philosophy rather than physics and its different possible models.

I was talking to some folk and the lecturer after, @knittedace​ having already left when I got a text from her saying there was a Londo cosplayer outside. I sped out there as fast as I could to find this fantastic person:

I have no idea their name or anything other than they were determined to remain in character and had a wife who sounded a bit bemused and long suffering of it all. Kinda reminded me of my mom trying to deal with my dad actually.  He was really fun though. (ETA: I am told that he is @TheWarLlama on twitter) (ETA2: Apparently the woman wasn’t his wife. I just assumed because the dynamic going on reminded me of my mom lol. Oops. )

Queer Coding in Disney was my next stop. The person doing it did a good job. Made sure they explained what queer coding was in the first place for those who didn’t know and then went through Disney. Talked about films I didn’t know much about, and there was some talk about how some of this also intersected with other minorities and representation of various people.

After that I went upstairs for a nap. I was tired, still had that damnable cold, and wanted to be my best for my panel. I missed a panel slot with content but self care is important so up I went.

But then I was back! With my Hufflepuff scarf and wand! And still in my Starfleet uniform hoodie!

I think on the way into the panel hall someone said something like ‘hello Commander’ and I was a bit confused. Mostly because I didn’t have any pips so couldn’t be an officer but that’s a small thing and I think I smiled back?

In any case, next up was my panel. Which upon arriving at the convention I discovered was to be held in the largest room at the convention. Eeeep!

Dumbledore: Good or Evil? Went pretty well. At least one member of my panel was surprised it was ever even a debate, but she none the less stood up and argued for good. She was the above mentioned philosophy lecturer so debating is kind of her thing. She comes at it very much from a philosophical theory perspective though which I think caught out one or two people in the audience going from twitter. A person took a picture and stuck it on their twitter. You can find that here. I’m in the middle.

There was a lot of talk about how Dumbles does or doesn’t use his power for people, abandoning Harry, the things that go on in his school under his responsibility, and at one point he was compared to Boris Johnson. How he seems to be about consequences more than the actions themselves. Is it intent or your actions that make you good or evil? Does the era that the man grew up in excuse things? Does the fact that there was a war coming/going on excuse things or not?

There was a question at the end about him being a slave owner due to house elves. That…. I had red sirens screaming in my head there. Thankfully it was with hardly any time to go. It’s a very good question. Something worth looking at. But nobody on the panel had any real place speaking on it. The philosopher took it, but she took it from literally a philosophical perspective rather than a moral one which probably came off wrong to some. Because yeah, that wasn’t a moral stance. I didn’t really know what to do there other than internally panic a bit and try to move on as fast as I could with a ‘this could be a whole other panel and should be’ thing.

I was so worried about not being neutral that I didn’t step in to point things out or ask things when looking back I wish I had. There are things about that I’d have liked to improve but largely the response seemed to be good. I learnt from it. We had a vote at the end on of the audience thought Dumbledore was ‘good, ‘evil or bad leaning’ or ‘it’s complicated guys leave us alone’. The result was a mixed bag with lots of complicated so I guess that wins. People did come up to chat to us when we were still on stage after it ended to thank us for this or that. I’d warded off a comment from team Evil that was about cheating but could also have come across as anti-poly and so someone thanked me for that.

Druids, Deities and Daemons: Archeological Horrors in ‘Doctor Who’ was my next thing. It wasn’t particularly exciting but it was an interesting look at how the show portrays archeology from an Egyptologist who had a delightful manner of presentation. You can tell he’s upper middle or upper class but he isn’t snooty and he’s just really cheerful and into his thing. Which is always a joy to see. He wasn’t fond of Ten saying that as a time traveller he laughed at archaeologists. Fair.

Ageism in fanworks/fandom was a panel Tanya had asked me to be on last minute when playing Slash the night before. So I had no prep time and possibly a few people were confused as to why an extra person was sat up there. I was probably the youngest person on there, no worries. But interestingly also the only person who had actually grown up in fandom rather than finding it as an adult. It was interesting, throwing up different experiences with fandom and how it sees age, how it changes. But also how media sees us. How it expects women to age out of fandom but for male fans to be the sad lonely people in the basement forever. 

Space Opera! SF&F in Musicals was a unique panel, for me anyway. Held in the lower levels with half the room covered by bean bags. By this point I could barely walk. I don’t know why, something happened to my legs and I found it increasingly hard to walk through the day. @knittedace​ said I should grab a priority access sticker but I’d have felt like a fraud even as I slowly limped my way around the place so i didn’t. But I managed to get a chair anyway so yay!

The person presenting it was drunk. I thought they were just mellow. It had originally been designed as an academic thing but given when it was scheduled it became a kind of guided tour of musical SF/F complete with YouTube clips, sarcastic comments from the audience and much fun. Also singing along sometimes.  I lost the key to my room. It later turned out I’d left it there when I awoke from my nap but I couldn’t find @knittedace​ so I got reception to invalidate the old ones and issue new ones. With slightly disturbing ease come to think of it. And that was that.

SUNDAY

Marvel v DC Fanworks was the first panel of the morning. Chaired by a very very very tired Tanya who was having a hard time of it I think. It was a good conversation but you could tell she didn’t have the energy to chair it as she might want to. I was sat next to the birthday girl from Friday who is smart and knows her stuff and was very very excited. So excited she frequently interrupted and spoke over others. I don’t blame her. She was excited and we’ve all been there. I’ve been there. And ideally it is the chair’s job to gently deal with that but as I said, tired. In the end a person left the room when they got talked over once too often. I don’t blame either. It sucks to be talked over, especially for some people who find that really hard. And though I’m sad she left I understand it.

But I’ve been a very excited teenager, in fandom at that, before. It’s also hard to pull that in when you don’t have the experience and you’re having so much fun and you have so so so many things you want to say and nobody is telling you no. I’ve been her as I said. The things she wanted to say were all good things. Just a convergence of multiple things that didn’t mix well is all. I think she noticed too as she got a sad look with the woman left the room. Felt bad for both of them really. All three of them.

Queer Dax was my next panel, and one I was running. I’d decided that there was no way joined Trill weren’t queer, and wanted to talk about that, so here we are. I’d made sure that the panel had people on it who were queer in various ways and though one person couldn’t make it due to passport issues we held on. 

The room started to fill up well before the start time. So we were chatting at everything from pets in the different series with someone insisting that Neelix was the pet on Voyager. Gasp! To how Mourn maybe talks a lot in ways we don’t get to Garak/Bashir slash to anything. The place was pretty full by the time we started.

It was a good discussion. I later found out that the person who’d manned the convention’s front desk really wanted to go but couldn’t and so was following a person’s live tweet of it as it went on. 

We talked about the identity of the symbionts themselves, what it may be like to suddenly be flooded with all these humanoid identities. How maybe they’re like drag (at the start anyway). How we never hear them talk for themselves, as themselves, just the hosts. We’ve even had former hosts separated from the whole and able to talk in the singular. But never a symbiont. We asked how memory worked, to what degree were the hosts individuals or now and how that may work. How there were ‘very special episode’ moments but how they kinda also played out like every other Dax romance and was pretty good for the era. How Trek at least had a framework where this discussion was possible.

I framed lots of things  as ‘for Paramount in the 90s’ or similar because yeah. The studios. Boy. And the times.

There was also a good deal of talk about the parallels between the way joined Trill are treated, and how Trill are screened to trans gatekeeping and queer separatism. How Dax seems to get away with literally everything and does Jadzia Dax at least have privilege? Lots of stuff I haven’t mentioned.

Someone in the audience asked about things within Trek that called to us as queer people and I got to go on about my asexual headcanon for Seven of Nine.

A Study in Redemption: Character Arcs in our Fandoms aka ‘Redemption’. And oh boy this has a long history. Originally this was a proper panel but stuff happened behind the scenes, messages got mixed and instead of it being a panel full of fandomy meta people it was proper Named authors and I got anxious and didn’t know what the hell to do and internally screamed some. I reached out to Tanya for help, and she and a person above her in the Nine Worlds team really did help. I am so thankful to the both of them. We ended up splitting it into two with the authors keeping the proper panel thing and doing it from their perspective and I’d do a kind of panel/round table discussion thing. Mostly round table. I heard some not so great things about the ‘Redemption in Sci-FI’ panel aka the parent one. I couldn’t be there so I don’t know the details.

This one was awesome though. @knittedace​ was on it with me, as well as our third the anime guy. Who did have things to contribute even to western stuff that coming from another perspective and tradition was pretty cool.

Again it filled up fast. We were chatting about various stuff before the panel time started. And by the official start time arrived we had to put a sign on the door outside saying we were full except for a couple priority access seats. And it truly was only two priority access seats. One woman came in, and then left as she didn’t have a priority access sticker when there was still a ‘open to all’ seat left. Oh well.

In this one I brought all of my experience charing over the weekend. What I’d seen and liked, seen and didn’t like, as well as stuff I knew already. I knew this could be a tricky topic for some so I made sure rules were set out first.

Like, obviously we are talking about characters who have done bad things. And this will be mentioned. We can talk about Anakin Skywalker but not go into graphic detail over what he did. Use trigger warnings. If someone is talking about something you find hard raise both hands or otherwise make yourself known in a way other than ‘I want to talk next’ and we will stop. Let you get out. And send someone to let you in again. That people know the protocol for spoiler warnings in their own media types and fandoms and to use them. And again if you need to stop someone because you’re behind the bell curve in catching up, let us know and leave and we’ll bring you back in after. Someone did take advantage of this which was awesome.

I also made sure people knew talking over others wasn’t what I wanted, that they were to respect others and let them finish and that sometimes the three of us on the mini panel thing would pull things back to us to raise new points or add new questions etc.

It went really well. Orderly. One person had to leave for a minute and did so, no fuss was made, and came back in after, People respected others, good discussion was had, the topics moved forward rather than spiral deeper and deeper on things, nothing got graphic. Somehow there was humour even given the topic but not inappropriate humour. 

Lots of good points including how some characters are seeking redemption even if probably they don’t need it. How for many people who had either been raised in a toxic/evil environment or who had been through crap otherwise, redemption was also often a story of gaining or regaining agency. How doing a good thing and then dying to save a person for selfish reasons wasn’t really redemption. Or how someone forcing you to be good by putting a soul in your body or other magic or something making you good is also not really redemption. Redemption, proper redemption, required choice and consequences and owning what you had did and overcoming. How sometimes there is an aspect of white saviour going on. 

I loved that panel. I really really did.

What gets me most is that at the end of the night, someone who I really respect (not Tanya to be clear) came up and told me that my Dax and Redemption panels had been her two favourite of the entire convention. I was so so touched, and honoured and it meant a lot. I had a couple other people say they’d loved Dax but this one person was… it blew me away. 

Geeky Cupcake Decorating was just pure fun. Me and @knittedace​ went to this just as a fun thing to do. Also being asexual we figured it was our duty. Speaking of, I made this lovely delight:

I had to mix the grey fondant myself. I think it’s fondant? Terms confuse me. @knittedace​ Made this brilliant set of Doctor Who cakes that she can show off later but where much admired. And the table near by made a truly adorable set of Yuri on Ice cakes. Some seriously talented folks. Also plenty of kids having a lot of fun. One little girl was running around showing off the cake she’d made and that her dad had made with real pride. So cute.

We went for dinner after that, sad that things were ending, and came back in time to go to the end of convention quiz. 

End of the Con Quiz is hosed by Ash every year. And much to my delight we were once again visited by the infamous No Face. This isn’t a cosplay, this is like a visitation from the real thing. Last year they were slowly chasing Ash all over the place. This time they were menacing him from the corner whilst people gave it tribute (and it ate the dire wolf) to making Ash dance.

I knew almost none of the answers. I never do. But they did ask a question about my panel!

Our team decided to call ourselves ‘Quiz Master Ash/No Face OTP’. Not much of a reaction from Ash to that when he read it out. We came fourth. There was joint last which mean they had to battle it out to get (or not get if they so chose) the last place prize.

Never have you seen such a tense and dramatic game of Jenga. There was Star Trek fight music (Kirk edition) on repeat several times, there was the Benny Hill chase music, there was the Crystal Maze music, there was the Tetris theme. There were people at the back standing up to watch, everyone was tense. Even No Face got in on the action intimidating people/paying attention.

No Face got way closer than that. Scary.

I mean seriously. Though it has since been revealed, nobody knew who the person doing No Face was for two years. And they were fantastically in character. It was genius. And people treat them with the respect and caution as though they were actually a malevolent spirit. So this was fun for everyone up there lol.

Eventually that ended and we retreated to the mini bar in the games rom. Played more Slash for a bit until we all had to leave.

And then it was the end of the con. And all is sad.

Me and @knittedace​ had to share a bed as the room was one large bed rather than two singles. And I was joking that if we were inside a fan fic this would so be the ‘forced to share a bed’ trope. Followed by some joking about waking up to bumps in unexpected places. Like lower legs. Or something. But we got to sleep eventually.

I’m sad to be home. I have ideas for panels next year already. I miss it. @knittedace​ described getting home sick when she got home and I hadn’t framed it that way before but it is. We both grew up in fandom. Spending time here, talking here, learning here. Fandom is a culture we spent our formative years in and are still a part of. And conventions are like temporary pop up real world manifestations of that. So it kinda makes sense. But what makes them so special, in many ways, is that they are temporary. Even if it’s always sad to leave.

Also, and importantly, at the bottom of the back page of the program was this very touching easter egg that will make you feel the feels if you decode it:

–. -. ..- / - . .-. .-. -.– / .–. .-. .- - -.-. …. . - -

Nine Worlds Staff and Volunteers

They are brilliant. They work tirelessly before, during, and after the con to make things work. From the techies making sure all the equipment works to those running the front desk and twitter so people know what is going on to those making sure things go to plan or even have a plan, to everyone else who makes everything work. To those who do the nitty gritty stuff like finances and talking to hotels or sponsors to get stuff done to those who organise tracks and content to those who book entertainment to everyone who volunteers for a few hours. 

They work so hard. And need so much thanks. None of this would work if not for them. It doesn’t matter how many of us are willing to sit at behind a mic and babble at you for an hour, if none of them are there nothing would happen at all.

So thanks to them for all they have done, and all they continue to do.

[shinahbee]

30 Day Hyeongjun Challenge: Day 24

♥️Day 24: Attribute/Characteristics that suit Hyeongjun

I’m going to assume this question means attributes and characteristics that you like about Hyeongjun?

there’s so many to list but what drew me to him in the first place is his courage, being brave when it’s not the easiest thing to do in a situation that you have no control over is basically a risky play and you might fall on your face but if its something you really want you will need to accept failure and continue to charge valiantly forward.

His kindness, in the show there are several times where he encourages his peers cheering them on during practice, even if this show is supposed to be a competition, he never treated it as such to take advantage of other peoples weakness. Instead he connects with them as people and became friends with a lot of them , this is fact since a lot of the eliminated members have been mentioning him as a person that they were glad to meet.If I hated someone i would not talk about them on my Instagram. I have never seen any interaction between him and some of the eliminated members but apparently they are friends…so he’s just a genuinely kind human being. This also bleeds into his selfless-ness, I have mentioned that he didn’t care about getting a higher rank but all he wanted was for his x-team to succeed and get out of the x-class. also in the PR videos he was doing this race thing to knock over these bottles and he felt bad and went back to put them all back together for the next person…i’m like omg he’s the sweetest thing😍 

also it’s not shown a lot but I’m sure he has a dorky side, he gets embarrassed really easily and does that hand thing that covers his ears. The way that he walks is kind of funny too cause he doesn’t just walk he kind of waddles all over, which is really cute. in the same realm, he might also as a sassy side too, this is prevalent in the PR videos and he and minkyu were introducing themselves and minkyu kept messing up and hyeongjun just glared at him..lol. he’s like “ I swear if you mess up one more time…that’s it…”😂

lastly his genuine cuteness, yes he is cute but he’s more of like an awkward cute, which i’m attracted to, he does not trying to be cute he just is and if that is something that defines him then you as a person will accept that because the human mind is riveted to what is real.

so that’s all i remember to list out, there’s so much more to him that I have not discovered so hopefully in the five years I’ll come to know him really well. I have never analyzed a person so closely before so this is a first for me. By the way i still need to watch X1 flash, so i will do that later, and tommorows’ Day 25 post will be posted later in the day cause it’s my workplace grand opening and I’m working and will probably drop dead by the end of it…😑😫😱so if you don’t hear from me  that’s what happened.

okay, so i will see you then.please keep reading!

[delos-mio]

Partners- Pt 7- College Logan AU

A/N: I borrowed from one of my previous drabbles because I simply couldn’t resist using it between these two. So sue me!

Tuesday night, before your morning biology class where you knew you’d see Logan again, your stomach was a mess. All you could think about was how excited you were to see him, and that excitement kept turning into anxiety about what to do with Evan. For almost a year, you’d been sleeping with him at his convenience. Sometimes, he’d randomly get a girlfriend, and he wouldn’t talk to you for weeks. But then as soon as he was inevitably done with them, he was right back to you. In the last year, you couldn’t ever remember meeting one of his friends, or even coming over during daylight hours. It was an agreement you both understood, but one that still made you feel shitty on occasion.

But now you had begun to feel like you didn’t want him anymore, like you didn’t need him to validate that you were still fuckable. You were sure he didn’t actually know one thing about your personality, and you didn’t care for any of the parts of his that you knew of. After talking it over with Sam and with an endless amount of moral support, you knew it was time to put your hook-up to rest. You laid back on the couch, your feet on Sam’s lap as she looked over her notes for Economics and pulled out your phone.

Y: Hey E: Hey, what’s up Y: Not a lot- you busy? E: Nm, you wanna meet up? You can come over in like 30 mins Y: No. I actually wanted to talk to you about that E: Ok…what’s up? Y: We can’t keep doing what we’re doing E: Whatever Y: You don’t have to be a dick about it E: I’m not Y: Sure ok E: Well you know I have to ask why Y: I met someone. And I like him. I want to be fair to him. E: And he feels the same way? Y: I think so E: Lol ok. See you around Y: Fuck you too

You locked your screen and slammed your phone down on the coffee table, crossing your arms tightly across your chest. Sam didn’t look up from her notes, but you saw her shake her head.

“Just a sign you did the right thing,” she stated, flipping the page over. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Love you too. I’m gonna go to bed.” You got up and walked to your room, loudly shutting the door behind you and dramatically flopped onto your bed.

----

Wednesday was finally here and you could hardly wait to get to biology- something you never thought you’d ever feel. Only one final critique before your show stood in the way of you and that dark haired boy sitting together once again. All through your meeting with your art professor, you started at the clock, the minute hand seemingly speeding up after every revolution. You started to get nervous that you’d be late to your next class. But she quickly wrapped up her thoughts and wished you luck on your show. After thanking her profusely, you booked it across the quad to the science building.

It was two minutes before class began when you ran up to the lecture hall. Logan was already sitting in the back row, casually leaning back in his chair. He always looked so effortlessly handsome- his thick, black hair perfectly placed, his toned arms confined to the olive tee he was in. You tried to quietly close the door behind you, but the clicking made Logan’s eyes dart up to where you stood, a smirk painted on his face.

“Sorry I’m late.” You quickly took your seat and began to unpack your book and notepad. “My critique ran long and…”

“You look so hot today babe,” he interrupted, placing his arm around the back of your chair.

“Well, thank you. But anyway…” you began.

“No I mean I don’t think I can go all class without having you.” There he went, interrupting you again.

“Logan! Knock it off! You’ll be fine,” you scolded, turning your attention to the professor who started talking about today being a powerpoint or presentation. Truthfully, you didn’t know because Logan was moving your hair behind your shoulder, letting his fingers trail down to your waist before he whispered to you. Sure, all you could think about for the last three days was how bad you wanted him too, but you weren’t sure the classroom was the best place to jump each other’s bones. 

“Powerpoint? You know that means the lights will be off…” he smoldered. You shot him a warning look, which he continued to ignore. Why had you missed him so much again? Right now, all you could remember was how annoying he could be. Soon, the rows of halogen lights had been switched off and an absolutely riveting presentation on the endocrine system had begun. It took all of your concentration to focus on the notebook in front of you instead of Logan’s hand, which was running up your thigh. Oh yeah, that spark he sent across your skin. That’s what you had missed.

“Y/N, please? I just want you so bad,” he pleaded, his fingers pulling at the hem of your sun dress. Every time he touched you, it sent an electric current through your body. It was impossible for you to resist him and those damn dark eyes. You scooted your chair closer to him by half an inch and that was all the invitation he needed. 

His long fingers moved under your dress and around your thigh. He gently pushed your panties to the side, letting two fingers trail down your already slick folds. A small moan left your lips at the contact, which you quickly tried to cover as a cough. Who knows if you were actually successful? He moved down to your center, pushing his index and middle finger slowly into you. You drummed your pen on your notebook, needing to find a way to release some of this tension without screaming out his name.

“So tight baby,” he whispered as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you. “Just how I remembered you.” You were already close, but you wanted more of him. Thinking about him deep inside you was making you crazy. He swiped his thumb across your clit, making you jolt forward, a loud scrape coming from your chair as it scooted on the tile floor. A couple guys from the row in front of you turned around looking for the source of the disturbance. Logan was quick to remove his fingers and shot them a warning look.

“What the fuck do you want?” he hissed quietly. They looked down and turned back to the screen, not interested in fighting with the most popular man on campus. Logan sat back up in his seat and looked at you intently. “We can finish this later,” he winked.

You let out a long sigh and did your best to take good notes off the presentation. Logan, once again, had not bothered to take any or to even put a notebook on his desk. “What did I tell you about me not doing all the work?”

“You won’t!”

“Well I already did the lab and I’ve taken all the fucking notes,” you whispered angrily. Logan gave you big, puppy dog eyes and jutted out his bottom lip. “No! No trying to make me just forgive you because you’re handsome or whatever!”

“I’m handsome?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Or whatever. But c’mon, help me out here,” you pleaded. He smiled a small smile and put his hand back on your thigh.

“How about I do the next lab all by myself?” he proposed. You narrowed your eyes and looked him over to see if this was a joke or not. But he kept an even expression, so you nodded your head and accepted his offer. Soon after, the lights came on and Dr. Williams was assigning new chapters as students began to file out of the hall. Logan grabbed his bag and waited for you to pack up your things and walked down the steps with you. There were still a few girls left in the second row who were shooting daggers at you as you made your exit side by side with the lacrosse captain. Logan noticed them as well and gave them a small wave, always the social butterfly.

“Do you know them?” you asked as you walked out of the science building and sat on a nearby bench.

“Those freshmen? No,” he laughed. “But they know me, so I’m friendly to them.”

“Listen, I wanted to ask you something,” you said, rummaging around in your bag. Logan cocked his head to the side, wondering what you could possibly have in there for them. You pulled out a small blue flyer and handed it to him. “My show is this Friday night. If you’re not busy, it’d be cool if you came. You don’t have to stay the whole time or…”

“I’ll be there,” he cut you off, a dopey smile on his face.

“What? Why do you have that look?” you questioned, unsure what was going on in that pretty little head of his.

“You like me.”

“I don’t.” You crossed your arms.

“You do. You think I’m handsome and funny and you love my cock,” he smirked, leaning in closer with every allegation.

“Only one of those things are true.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, babes,” he said, raising his eyebrows and settling back into his seat. “But I’d love to see more of your work.”

“Cool,” you smiled down at your shoes. As you brought your head back up, someone walking by caught your attention from the corner of your eye. Evan. He was walking by with a group of who you could only assume were his friends. He looked at you with narrowed eyes, trying to make sense of the scene before him.

“Hey, Logan!” he called, giving him a small chin nod, his eyes quickly darting to you.

“Hey man.” Logan nodded back. The group continued on their way without a second look, but you knew Evan did what he did for a reason. It was all a big ‘fuck you’ pointed right at you. You pushed your hair away from your face, Logan picking up on the growing worry on your face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…How do you know those guys?” you asked a little too quickly.

“Oh Evan? He parties with Travis a lot, so they’re at the house quite a bit. He’s ok I guess,” he shrugged, not thinking a lot of your question much to your relief. Of course they’re at his house a lot. Why would you have anything other than dumb luck. “Do you know them?”

“Not really, I’ve just seen them around and was curious,” you lied.

“I’ve wanted to ask you something too,” Logan stated. He shuffled in his seat before adjusting his jacket. “Will you go to dinner with me? I feel like I should take you on a date if I’m going to keep fucking you senseless. And I really want to keep doing that.”

“You don’t have to take me out, Logan,” you laughed. “It’s ok if…it’s ok if you don’t want to take me out.” You gave him a small smile, hoping you were doing a good job of masking the twinge of pain you felt while making your offer.

“Of course I want to! Why wouldn’t I want to take you on a date?” he beamed, clearly missing the insecurity laced in your offer of an ‘out’ for him. “I’ll pick you up tonight at 7. Wear something slutty,” he winked. You rolled your eyes dramatically.

“I will not.”

“Ah, well, it was worth a shot, wasn’t it?” he grinned. “Practice calls, I’ll see you tonight.” He stood up, swinging his backpack behind him. He leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead before walking off in the direction of the field. You smiled to yourself when you felt your phone vibrate in your bag.

E: Logan? Really? Lol good luck with that

You deleted Evan’s text angrily. What the fuck did he know about you or Logan? You shook your head and stomped off to take out a few hours of aggression in the studio before you had to get ready for your date.