#i’m aware this is super unrealistic and i don’t care

[cirr0stratus]

au where satine is alive and well and her and ahsoka become nite owls

[saturdaynightghostclub]

hi hello!! honestly so happy to see you on here, I came from tiktok and I’m obsessed with your writing and just your vibe in general??!

So I’m just knee deep into stalking your tumblr and I wanted to ask what you meant by the Ted Lasso-ification of media? It’s the first I’m hearing of it and would love to hear more of your thoughts. Take care 🫶🫶🫶

Oh bestie I am SO happy to talk about the Ted Lasso-ification of Media™

Disclaimer: I don’t mind Ted Lasso at all! I think it’s cute and funny and wholesome, and that’s a lot of folks’ niche so I am in no way shitting on the show or any of its fans—it’s just that I think it pretty much perfectly encapsulates the phenomenon I’m talking about w/r/t the larger entertainment-sphere at the moment. Also, this is super nuanced and there are obviously exceptions, there’s nothing wrong with engaging in entertainment media however you see fit, etc etc. All love to the wholesome media enjoyers, I promise!

Basically I think, in some way, we’ve grown into the mentality that we should never be uncomfortable, and therefore recent entertainment has trended extremely conflict-avoidant. That doesn’t mean there is no conflict, although it certainly can—really I mean that, when there is conflict, or when characters are flawed and make mistakes, or when uncomfortable topics are brought up, everyone seems to have a magical bag of buzzwords from which they can pull the perfect solution by the end of the episode. And while that’s great, it’s unrealistic and unsatisfying.

It’s baffling to me because part of the human experience is discomfort, and when characters enter into conflict it shows their humanity. How they deal with that conflict should, In My Opinion, reflect that humanity. While I don’t hate Ted Lasso or any of the other shows that are dealing with our current social climate in that way, they do get a ton of vitriol and frankly I can understand why. It feels like you’re being lectured at rather than entertained, like an After School Special instead of an adult TV show. Off the top of my head I can think of Ted Lasso, Grown-ish, Sex Education (which I LOVE by the way), Schitt’s Creek, and any other number of shows whose sole goal seems to be to state in very clear terms what is Right and what is Wrong so that we can pat ourselves on the back for agreeing with them. I understand the goal here, but I think there’s a huge discrepancy between the people who need to hear those messages and the people who don’t, and the latter group is the one watching those shows.

I think we need to let go of the idea that being Likable is the primary thing a cast of characters should be, and instead embrace likability in the face of human flaws. If a character screws up and can’t wave a magic wand to fix it in a tight 30 minutes, doesn’t that just make them more interesting? Doesn’t it make them feel real?

There are a ton of “wholesome” shows that I think do this really well:

Pushing Daisies

Northern Exposure

Ugly Betty

Malcolm in the Middle

And a couple of not-so-wholesome ones:

Twin Peaks

Hannibal

Succession

The Bear (could go either way tbh)

Barry

Fleabag

And many, many more!!

Basically my word isn’t law, but speaking as an individual: I want my entertainment to reflect the human experience, good, bad, and ugly, and there are ways to do that without being gross—just write like a human!

If you want to get more into this train of thought, Neil Gaiman’s talked about it a few times (ie “I wasn’t aware that I was making comfort content, I thought I was making thinking and feeling content too” or something along those lines) and there are countless essays and interviews with Ursula K. Le Guin where she makes a similar (albeit entirely more articulate) point!

Also thank you sweet anon, I appreciate your presence here and the fact that you’ve let me rant about my media frustrations haha

[brookebellamy]

BookTok Needs to Read the Room

by Brooke Bellamy

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach. Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

Full blog below the cut but I'd super duper appreciate it if you consider checking it out for free on medium 🙏

Why We Shouldn’t Hate on Fanfic Writers

Spend no less than five minutes with me and you’ll probably — whether you want to or not — be brought up to speed on the latest fandom drama happening in my discord servers or Twitter groupchats.

I’m a fangirl, it’s exactly what it says on the can. I’m a copywriter by day and by night an avid creator and connoisseur of fanfiction — these days mostly about TOP GUN (yes, that TOP GUN) but it tends to vary on a semi-yearly basis.

I get my kicks in weird ways and yet I’m far from alone in that.

Beyond the movies and the characters, I’m interested in fandom as a whole or as we like to call it fandom meta.

The unspoken rules of this wacky subculture dating back to the 1960s. Watching beloved or controversial fanfics get pulled off the web, reworked and eventually published as independent stories in their own right. The constant push and pull against a mainstream that is becoming increasingly aware of something that used to be a shame-filled, hidden hobby only for the nerdiest of the nerds.

Enter, Stage Right: BookTok

Fanfic going somewhat mainstream is thanks in no small part to TikTok, specifically BookTok — the community that reviews and discusses published romance novels. I’m not really a member of that community but from what I’ve gathered BookTok is mostly made up of millennial women who voraciously consume books of varying degrees of quality and really, really, really care about the sex. Or, to use their own lingo, spice.

Like they’re almost getting a little weird about it, not gonna lie.

To an outsider, though I hardly should be considered one, BookTok seems to be a somewhat spiritual successor to the “Mommy Porn” craze that swept through the country with 50 Shades of Grey — the most famous example of a fanfiction (originally about Twilight) that was repurposed into a full-fledged novel.

But I digress.

I’m a creator on FandomTok which naturally brushes up quite a bit with my cousins over on the published, professional side of the street. It’s a mostly peaceful co-existence, but it is TikTok so it also can be a fucking nightmare.

Case in point: I opened up the app last week and was immediately bombarded by a presumably millennial woman from BookTok ranting about how much she hated a popular Harry Potter fanfiction.

I didn’t read the fic she’s talking about but from what I can gather it takes place after the books conclude and focuses on a tumultuous love affair between Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. That would be Emma Watson and Tom Felton for the non-stans.

Now, I’m no Harry Potter fan. Quite the opposite, actually.

Some of my earliest and most deeply unpleasant childhood memories are that of older cousins chasing me around our grandparents’ house yelling all sorts of spells and Potter-lingo at me. I’m also pretty sure I got locked in a cabinet at one point — but that’s a story for another day.

So it goes without saying: I’m no fan of J.K. Rowling, her work or her vitriolic hate speech against trans people.

However I do live, breathe and love fanfiction and so that means my support has to extend to the Potterheads and their stories as well.

So back to the video, I’ll give you the TLDR:

OP is upset that she’s spent so much time on what she feels to be a very overhyped fanfiction. She doesn’t typically read fic and so she’s confused and angry as to why the writer changed so much of the plot. She thinks it’s an unrealistic story, that its readers have poor taste and she’s mad that the fanfic’s writer killed off Harry.

She also reduces the entire 380,000 word story into being only about sex, despite it being heavily based on the gender-based oppression and violence that takes place in The Handmaid’s Tale.

OP concludes the first of a series of videos on this singular fanfic by proclaiming that a real Harry Potter fan would never tolerate something like this.

I watched just 10 seconds of the video before I had to put my phone down from seeing red.

Eventually, I watched it all the way through, left a couple of angry comments, made a few video responses of my own and eventually blocked her because I can’t stand internet beef with people engaging in an argument in deliberately poor faith.

But I’m still really annoyed about it, if it’s not obvious.

OP’s video has about 30k views at the time of my writing this. That might not seem like too much for an app that regularly sees content explode with 15 million views, so let me reframe it for you:

Imagine you and a friend dined at a massively successful Italian restaurant (I’m talking reservations a month in advance at a minimum). You loved it so much you spent weeks thinking about the pasta and how much you wanted to go back for more. But the restaurant is popular for a reason and so you couldn’t get another reservation. After a while you decided to try your hand at recreating some of the dishes at home. You even opted to have a little fun and throw in your own take on it. You spent a long time researching the ingredients, practicing your technique and ended up with a final dish that you were quite proud of. In fact, you were so proud of and excited by your creation that you invited that same friend over to try it one night. For some inexplicable reason, she was visibly angered at the invite. She told you that you were wasting your time trying to recreate the magic from the restaurant, but she showed up for dinner anyway. Empty handed, of course. Not even a cheap bottle of wine for your trouble. She took the first bite, gagged, announced she hated it and then for some reason decided to power through your entire meal. Literally licked the. plate. clean. She then stood up and left your house without a word of thanks or even a goodbye. And then the next day you got a notification from TikTok that she made ten minutes worth of videos about how shit your cooking is, and her videos reached enough people to fill up Madison Square Garden one and a half times.

And that analogy, though long-winded, still isn’t even perfect. In reality, the fic author didn’t invite OP to read the story; OP found it on her own.

So really it’s like your friend barged into your kitchen, took a bite of your pasta and then put you on blast for having a bland sauce.

Words (And Where We Say Them) Matter

30,000 views certainly isn’t viral, but it’s enough to drastically alter the fanfic writer’s creative experience. It’s enough to ruin the magic for a devoted fan just trying to have fun and write a little story about their favorite characters smooching.

The disgust and anger OP brought to table is shocking and in blatant disregard for the fic writing community’s golden rule:

If you don’t like, don’t read.

There’s a ton of other fandom colloquial terms — don’t yuck my yums is a particular favorite of mine — but they all mean more or less the same thing.

Don’t be a hater. Don’t spoil the fun. Don’t hurt anyone. Don’t be cruel in this space intended for creativity, community and friendship.

BookTok is increasingly diving into the wonderful, wacky world of fanfic and yet many of creators refuse to learn the unique culture and norms that have existed for decades.

For instance, it’s not an uncommon phenomenon for a single nasty comment to stop a fanfic in its tracks. That may sound like a hypersensitive author, but I argue:

Non-consensual criticism has no place in fanfiction.

I say non-consensual because in fandom we do actually have protocols for critiques. A beta read is a common term for a peer review, where the writer actively seeks out feedback from another writer to improve grammar, story structure, etc. However, this is a closed, private exchange between two community members that have established trust and connection — it’s a safe space.

Fanfiction that is deemed harmful or even dangerous is also fair game, though we tend to keep our commentary mostly to things like:

“This story contains sexual violence that was not properly tagged, please update the tags ASAP so not to trigger others”

When we post, of course we know that technically we’re opening ourselves up to the internet. However, I’m not blasting my quirky little Iron Man stories to the front page of Medium. I’m sharing it with a relatively small, somewhat isolated community filled with others who also happen to like quirky little stories about Iron Man.

For instance, it’s very common for fics to conclude with brief send-offs like:

“This was my first time writing from Peeta’s pov, so be nice please 🙏” “I wrote this for my friend’s birthday — I hope her day is as happy as Edward and Bella ended up here!!!” “English isn’t my first language and I’m not from the UK so apologies if any of the stuff about the train station or taxi cab seems a little off!”

In my opinion, this is not hypersensitivity; this is a request — sometimes a plea — to be kind about amateur work and to treat it as such.

We’re Talking Your Mom’s Pickleball League, Not the NFL Here

Fanfiction is not formally published writing, even though it’s “published” on a website like Tumblr or ArchiveOfOurOwn. More times than not, the fic writer is the only person that has eyes on the draft before the story goes live.

It doesn’t receive thorough review from a publisher. It doesn’t go through rounds and rounds of edits and comment periods like a professional writer’s work will.

Fic writers don’t receive any payment, sponsorship or credit for their work. They can’t because the entirety of fanfiction depends on writers cooperating with extremely delicate copyright laws — a fascinating topic I’ll probably elaborate on at some point.

There is literally nothing to be gained by writing and sharing fanfiction beyond the personal satisfaction and pride in contributing to your community’s collective joy.

Old Men Yells At Cloud, Harry Potter Edition

As a fanfic community, we don’t leave negative, snotty comments in the same way we don’t criticize our kid’s volunteer soccer coach.

Well, I suppose some people do but at least that’s commonly understood to be in poor taste to publicly ridicule someone contributing their time, effort and talents to the community for free.

I guess what I’m saying is that BookTok has some catching up to do. Or more aptly, they need to read the fucking room.

Fanfiction is a labor of love — by fans, for fans

If you don’t like a story, just scroll on by. Certainly don’t double down and read 380k of a story you hated in the first three paragraphs.

And if you think it’s so easy to write a “good” story, well then maybe you should give it a try before hating on the writers that are brave enough to share their work with the community.

And so finally, a speed run just a handful of OP and other BookToker’s concerns because if I don’t formally address these points I will lose my goddamn mind:

You guys were okay with the author just blatantly changing things? The mannerisms, the deaths?

Yes, that’s the whole fucking point of a fanfiction. Maverick and Iceman don’t actually kiss in the movies but they sure as hell do when I’m in charge.

What post-apocalyptic world would this ever happen realistically?

Are we really nitpicking the practicality of a post-9/11 wizarding world?

I’m sorry but this story sucked. Here’s a list of my Did-Not-Finish fanfics

Did-Not-Finish (DNF) lists are a popular tool used by BookTokers intended to help their audiences save money and avoid splurging on books they probably won’t jive with.

DNF lists have no place in fanfic because there is no money to save.

If you were a true Harry Potter fan, this would not fly.

No, no. If you were a true fan, you’d embrace your community members and uplift the storytellers that are keeping the magic alive for us all.

---

if you made it this far, thanks! consider checking me out on medium for other blog posts on fandom, pop culture and more :)

[caribbean-ace]

Let’s dive into my thoughts and full on rambling about Station 19 6x05. You know the drill spoilers ahead people!

I’m glad Andy stays in touch with her mom, this might be an unpopular opinion but i’d like to see the insights of their relationship. I mean her mom was there when the whole assault happened, supporting her but i guess we have to put those pieces together on our own.

I honestly don’t mind Sullivan and Ross happening, what bothers me the most out of the whole thing is how they act all mighty and perfect while they keep their relationship on the low because they KNOW it’s wrong, yet Sullivan goes pointing fingers at people when they do the wrong thing. It’s only a matter of time for them to get caught (or at least that’s what i think)

Maya and Carina! Probably what most people were expecting lol, but by the end of this you’ll notice how it’s not super happy stuff going on. Alright so Maya seems to be downplaying her injury since she was taking care of it in their guest room which makes me think that Carina isn’t probably aware of how badly things are. It was good to get a small peak for us how things happened between them, Maya was the one who insisted on them seeing each other more than once according to Carina, because Carina only thought their interaction as a simple hook up. Nice to know the lingerie she was wearing that day was exactly the one she had on when they first hooked up. The surprise was nice but we still see Maya push back a little, the kiss was a win but honestly i wish we had more of it.

Beckett being nice? What is this man up to?

The duality of the call was pretty cool, not gonna lie, at first i didn’t think much of it but hey, i thought it was nice to have it. All i have to say: hate corporations

Travis’ scandal, oh my boy, politics are dirty for sure and i truly hope they can spin this. As much as i love Vic supporting him they gotta seek the professional help to fix this mess

*sighs* Jack what are we going to do with you? I mean i’m glad he’s turning his life around i guess but a shower and a haircut is not gonna be enough. I actually hated what he said to Ben about the clinic, like bro this was your idea and you just took off to god knows where and left them stranded with all the work. Side note: Carina being sarcastic and “hating” on Jack is funny to me especially after S5 went down, the news at the end surprised me a lot, we’ll see what happens after that

I liked Theo’s approach, after what he said about Maya in the first episodes i was like wtf with this dude but he stood up for her which i’m glad it’s happening because Maya Bishop is not in a good place. I’m wondering how this is going to end because Theo was right, maybe that call wasn’t Beckett’s fault but the other ones? They have been questionables at best, Ross knows she has to do something about it but i wonder how things went down after the whole blackmailing thing with Ross, Sullivan and Beckett

And that brings me to my last point, Maya Bishop not realizing she needs help, i’m glad Carina knows when and how to push (for the lack of a better term). Maya is so deep into “eyes forward” that a nice evening with her wife is not going to fix that, is unrealistic so obviously it’s gonna take more to realize that she needs help. We all thought 6x04 that last scene was Maya’s breaking point but it seems that something else will happen that would make her understand she needs to get actual help. I’m guessing pregnancy is the thing that would make Maya realize this, so we see how she’s pushing Carina away because she thinks that coping her way it’s fine but when you’re about to grow your family it goes beyond the two of them, we all saw how Carina stormed to the bathroom so i guess she knows the results now? Idk, lots of things moving forward, i’m thinking as i said on Twitter maybe Carina blurts out she’s pregnant to Maya and that’s the tipping point for them into getting in a healthier place

Bonus: the lesbian weed cookies were back! I had so much fun with them😂

So if you read all of this thank you for following my massive ramble, we’re approaching the last episode of the year so i don’t really know what to expect after the things we saw today. I’m on twitter so feel free to chat with me! @caribbean_ace

[safesthaveninexistence]

The story that applies to me only gets more and more infinitely better and better. All I have to do is post the video it’s done for me. I trust they get me the same way I got Stan Lee. Thats insane I actually have a gazillion of dollars why do you think I’m actually a Zillionaire (chills). The fact I’m objectively a Zillionaire only staggeringly deepens and deepens. Only gets more and more staggeringly profound. It’s my awareness that holds power. The Universe itself is unrealistic. Of course I can manifest anything I just fucking dreamt of Laika. I just saw that PFP AND HIM PLAYING SPIDER-MAN like he HIT FOR ME LIKE SPIRITUALLY HIT FOR ME. Like dawg I can have anything. I naturally have anything I desire. I love how I speak it into existence then move it into existence. I trust my intuition. It’s all magic. I’m an Egyptian seductress. I got the magic of an Egyptian seductress and they’re known for Dark Magic.(chills) like dude black magic is to mean I got magical power. I remove the stigma off dark magic. Dark magic simply makes me seductive. It tangibly feels like delicious ass chocolate. And I’m black I’m delicious chocolate ass. I’m their favorite chocolate. They crave this chocolate. They ache for this chocolate. They pray for this chocolate. They hope for this chocolate. They agonizingly need this chocolate. They kill themselves if they don’t get this chocolate and it doesn’t faze me. I’m the fastest growing. I love knowing I dreamt of Laika. I love knowing Laika’s already dreaming of me. I created a whole new love story. I’m so grateful my self concepts superior. I got that Studio 54 vibe. They’re blessed to be experiencing me witnessing me and marvel at all the Magic I am along with me. My family only has good intentions for me. Omg it’s sexual control..but with that intention only. No way……I’m in love with my own story. I drown in my own story. I’m in lavish luxurious places with Laika. We trib by the pool. We trib in our indoor pool. Life is astoundingly Magical. All of those supreme times. Laika trib my ass in the pool. I’m one steamy ass success story. Laika knows I’m both Goddess and Dark Magic and they’re so in love with me for it. Laika stares at me with her piercing green eyes hungry and horny for me. Holding me so closely holding me tight. Our bodies close together our tits close together. Sexy as fuck. We’re just pasisionately making out and all of sudden we’re moving from the indoor all the way up to the our bedroom. We fuck in the gym on the way. The kitchen on the way. The floor on the way. My sex life with Laika is ASTOUNDING. NO WAY ITS COMING (chills). I’m super grateful a thought and belief has to be positive for it to even have psychic momentum. I ooze wild passionate sex all over the house type of sex. Me and Laika thankfully has it. No way Laika’s coming right now (chills) (I don’t have waiting rooms). This is insane dawg. My self trust is insane dawg it’s staggeringly deep yet it’s all in my favor. Like it’s working out fine. I did the right thing to the very unsurpassable utmostest extreme. And it paid off for me. It gives me bliss. Exhilaration. Power. Clarity. Undefeatedness. Happiness. Satisfying ass sex. Magic. I remove all stigmas from Magic. It’s not witches. We just simply believe in Magic like a CHILD. I naturally believe in Magic like a child. I look hot as hell riding Laika and Laika feels like the luckiest son of a gun and it turns me on knowing she feels like the staggeringly luckiest son of a gun. Spoiling me financially taking care of me taking care of me mentally spiritually energetically emotionally intellectually. Like I still feel free. Together we both feel free. Boundlessly free. I disconnect from technology and only connect with the within. That’s how I meditate. I psychically talk to Zoey it blissfully staggers her and awaken her puppy like wonder. For me meditating is also affirming. Laika’s on the way. Now I can do anything I’m this unhinged. Wow all of my desires come quickly as possible. All I know is….. ima be astounded when I see Laika. Like…..life is fucking joke

[passionesolja]

The Persona and SMT culture shock is real. Dawg, so I’m a SMT fan and until recently I’ve never played Persona (because it was never on any consoles I owned) but I finally had the chance to play Persona 5 and I know it’s beloved so I decided to play it. I had also bought SMT 3: Nocturne because I’m a sucker for SMT (I do love nocturne like once you get powerful the game is great).

I knew it was different but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I encountered playing this game.

If you’ve never played SMT basically here’s how it goes: they teach you the basic mechanics, you get the premise, and you’re thrown into a cut throat world where every demon is actively tryna finesse you out of everything you own, or kill you. You have to take initiative to advance the story. It’s all on you.

If you get lost, that’s on you deal with your own problem, the characters in the world got their own issues they’re not babysitting you.

I don’t say any of that as a negative. I honestly love that aspect of SMT, I love that the game leaves you alone and just lets you fight and progress. Maybe some people don’t like that isolation but it’s a plus for me because I don’t like people telling me stuff I already know and wasting my time.

So im only like 15-20 hours into persona 5 and this is my face most of the game.

This game is not hitting for me, it’s making me miss Nocturne because at least the characters in that game are likable and more grounded.

Like this game is edgy but in a way where it handles super serious and traumatic subject matters with all the maturity of a high schooler. I let this slide because they’re high schoolers so maybe the story will become self aware. It never becomes self aware. There is not one voice of reason like this is a rated m game why isn’t it mature and nuanced? SMT has pretty nuanced stories.

My issues started when I was given the option to “call the police” and the game said “nah shawty you can’t” like why tf would you give me this option?? This game gives me options then says “no you can’t do that” like why give me options to begin with if I can’t pick them?

The story is just so jarring because in SMT, it’s like “human hubris and greed for power will doom humanity or make an already doomed humanity even worst, you have a bad option and an even worst option” like it’s esoteric and philosophical but you gotta pick which option is logical to you as a person and live with the consequences. It’s not anything that’s very sensitive.

Persona 5 throws these super serious subject matters at you and then the first villain is a goofy ass overly evil unrealistic portrayal. I’m not even angry at the scenario because it’s so absurdly evil that it’s stupid.

I don’t wanna be friends with any of these characters because I have important things to like prepping for battle. The game doesn’t let me do what I want, I have the weird cat creature telling me “you can’t do that lol go to sleep” as if I’m not on a time clock for most of it.

The way these characters treat Ann is so tasteless and tbh that art teacher arc was so mf dumb and tacty that I just stopped playing because I bought SMT 5 (and I’m having a way better time). Like this poor girl went through a life altering and scarring event but none of the protags care, they’re like “yeah just do the nude painting for him lol”. Dawg how tf are these characters any better than the evil gym teacher? That cat creature is so weird to Ann like dawg leave this girl alone why is nobody telling dude to chill?

If the game was self aware of how both these actions are coercive and abusive then I would say “persona 5 is a good game” but it isn’t and so it just expects me to be like “heheh isn’t it funny?” Dawg it really ain’t. It throws very touchy subjects at me, gives me the worst options ever, unrealistic villains and then anime hijinks.

Say what you about SMT but the demifiend don’t do this to me. I’m around 10+ hours into SMT 5 and it doesn’t do this to me. The demifiend my dawg because he just about that action and he don’t play

Persona 5 is over 100+ hours, I decide to say “why not?” And watch a video run down of the game and the story aspects that I don’t like never change. It only gets more goofy. I can’t dedicate months (maybe years given how long it takes for me to get through Jrpgs) playing this game.

So yeah like as a SMT fan, I don’t think Persona is for me because these life sim elements become so intrusive and I’m not playing these games to date the characters or make connections with fictional characters, im playing these games to fight and explore the setting.

Seriously this game is so railroady, and these characters are annoyingly needy. Dawg I have to juggle school, leveling up, and item prep/management I do not want to hang out with you.

I do like some elements of Persona 5 like the gameplay is good and being able to buy stuff from stores and explore the cities is fun. When it leaves me alone to do that, I have a great time. The baseball mini game is 10/10 and what I spent most time doing. When the game just let me do whatever and not have to be around the story, it was great.

I now completely understand what persona fans have a difficult time getting into SMT bc if love certain elements of persona, you will not love certain elements of SMT.

I understand why people have said “oh, SMT is Persona without the heart” because even though I think SMT has a ton of heart, it’s a different type of heart and emotion than persona has.

Not saying persona is bad but it’s really just not for me. I may try the older games but I’m torn between which ones but if they go on sale, I’ll for sure buy them

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Wildflowers breaking through a concrete surface

The Tranquil Garden of Diamond Crescent sure does live up to its name. There’s something about the unusual flowers and dreamy offbeat atmosphere that puts your mind in a foggy state. It’s kinda hard to describe, kinda like you feel unusually light, as if all your worries never existed in the first place - like you’re still aware but it doesn’t affect you because you know they’re out of reach.

I’ve been taking it easy for the past several days after being knocked out by a bug - I blame the rapidly changing weather. A lot of us at the camp were hit by it too as it went from being super hot to chilly in a short time. Though I kinda sensed it was coming, I didn’t expect to be hit that badly. As in I had no energy and suffered from brain fog so I was like pretty much dead for a while.

Truth be told, I’m still not 100% recovered but I have been slowly getting my energy back. For some reason it seems like I don’t bounce back as quickly compared to my family after being sick. I don’t find that as big a deal though, people recover at different rates so as long as I am getting better then it’s nothing to worry about.

At least I’m feeling good enough to travel for a bit and for now I have nothing going on so I’m gonna take it easy for a while. Visiting the garden and hanging out with Sophea, Michi, and Sara really helped me get out of my slump after spending a lot of time in bed. Being sick really does take a lot outta you.

While hanging out with them, I’ve been thinking a lot about what Michi and Sara said about apathy. They both lost people in their lives, some whose deaths have been pretty much ignored because no one cared in enough. As the situation in Sara’s hometown worsened, she sadly found that list of people - friends and acquaintances - growing at an alarming rate.

Before meeting up with Sara, Michi and Sophea were visiting Michi’s hometown. From what I gather, he wasn’t very happy there, which was why he left in the first place. What prompted Michi to leave for good was the death of his friend Harumi and the way her family and the town in general responded to that.

The reason why he came back for the first time in five years was to pay his respects. Harumi dabbled in songwriting and by chance, Michi finally found a bunch of her demos that were presumed to be lost. Her family was the kind that owned a lot of property so they were a big deal. Then the town went into decline and a lot of prominent families, including Michi’s, fell into hard times. It also didn’t help that the general attitude of the people has always been, in Michi’s words, unwelcoming, especially to outsiders.

For years, Michi was convinced that Harumi’s death wasn’t an accident. Although he’s finally come to terms with what happened, he said that a part of him still wished that something was off, mostly because it’s easier to accept than what really happened. Harumi’s family always looked down on her because she was considered unambitious in their eyes because she failed to meet their unrealistic expectations.

She and Michi were considered outcasts because they didn’t give into the the general hive mind the town shared. From how he described his hometown, I can see why he was unhappy. They both had big dreams of leaving town in hopes that they can escape the weight of their family’s expectations. At the time, Michi wasn’t sure what he wanted while Harumi just wanted to create art without being judged. Coming from a family driven by money, an artistic type like Harumi was seen as worthless.

After she died, it was either as if she never existed or in a rare case she was the subject of an offensive joke. Her family actually found it strange that Michi was affected by her death, constantly telling him that she wasn’t worth anything so he’d better move on and be friends with people who are more valuable. Sara knows that feeling all too well.

For years Harumi’s death had haunted Michi. The report said it was accidental - driving in stormy weather on a dangerous road where accidents occur frequently at a hard to see curb and crashing into a tree. Unfortunate, but it happens. Somehow Michi had it in his head that maybe someone in her family messed with her car or something, or that maybe someone ran out in the middle of the road to catch her off guard and caused her to crash. That was part of the reason why he tried out law school - he had hoped to find something that might prove as evidence if Harumi’s death wasn’t an accident.

He even approached Mariya and took a crack at solving her murder since her upbringing was kinda similar to Harumi’s. Both came from a high pressure household and were unfairly treated by their family because they were considered inferior to everyone else. Not surprisingly, it didn’t take too long for him to figure out the true nature of Mariya’s death. Her situation was a highly unusual one, even for a human turned youkai. Mariya never really spoke about her past for understandable reasons but from what I can gather, maybe death really was the only way she could be set free. While the circumstances of her death was full of extremes and unlikely happenings, Michi was hoping that looking into her would give him some insight and hopefully closure on Harumi’s death.

Finding Harumi’s demos finally gave him an incentive to go back to town. Part of it had to do with wishful thinking on his part as he had hoped that by showing them her work, her family might finally see Harumi as something other than a failure whose existence must be erased. Sadly, her family only responded with indifference, questioning why Michi even bothered in the first place. He’s pretty sure they tuned out after the first few seconds, which he finds disappointing but honestly not at all surprising as they never bothered to listen to her when she was alive anyway.

In a way, Harumi kinda reminds me of artists like Lessi Tang and Luca Alpert. Both are well known singer-songwriters who died way too young and are still disrespected by some close to them. They were also outspoken and involved in activism, which was part of the reason why they were opposed by certain circles due to their influence. Lessi Tang’s siblings in particular have earned a bad rap for trying to erase her legacy - whether it’s for personal reasons or differing principles is up to debate, but either way I don’t understand their reasoning at all.

It’s like what Sara said about certain people trying to twist the narrative to fit their views, they don’t give a fuck about the truth if it doesn’t benefit them. The second they come across something that makes them question their sheltered world views, they try to bury it. It’s a dangerous mindset, one that’s usually self inflicted, so it’s hard to break out of, especially if you’re raised in an upbringing that forces that kind of thinking.

Sometimes you just have to accept that some people just don’t fucking care. According to Sophea, Harumi’s family only cares about money and status. There’s a reason why the whole town in general is dying out and apathy plays a huge role in that. With the world being a constantly changing place where views and mindsets evolve a place as closed off as that won’t survive for long.

On a similar note. Sophea has an acquaintance, a merchant from Adrikha who once worked with Harumi’s father around the time Harumi died. She described the merchant as a bit of an opportunist who really likes making money, but she’s also not a heartless monster. Basically, a partnership with her is a huge deal, as in the town’s future depended on whether or not that worked out. From a purely business standpoint, it’s a lucrative deal that would greatly benefit both sides. However in the end the merchant decided not to go through with it for personal reasons. Sara is acquainted with the merchant and confirmed that the way the family handled Harumi’s death was in the merchant’s words, insensitive and uncomfortable. Michi recalled seeing her and noticed her drastic change in demeanor, so he wasn’t surprised to hear that the deal fell through.

To this day Harumi’s father is still pretty bitter about it and that further contributed to the town’s downfall. As for the merchant, she’s too busy dealing with her own affairs so him shit talking about her means nothing. Sophea and Sara said this is probably the first time she’s flat out turned down a partnership without money being a factor so that’s why it caused a big stir.

At least because of the merchant, Michi realized how truly fucked up the whole thing was. There was someone who died unexpectedly and her family didn’t give enough of a fuck to really do anything about it because in their eyes she was a nobody who didn’t deserve their love. To them, they saw Harumi as a talentless bum because she was all in all an average, mediocre person who would rather stay in her own corner and make art. But to Michi and a traveling merchant who barely knew her, Harumi was a person who deserved love, respect, and dignity. And the fact that her family had the audacity to mock those who wanted to give their condolences is just really fucking messed up.

Michi admits that he’s never fully get over Harumi but at least he can put some of the past to rest. Shortly after her death, he was granted with a timepiece that gave him the power of wind. There’s a theory floating around that most people who were granted the power of wind suffered a major loss in their life and it seems to hold true. Michi took that as a sign for him to leave and never look back, for himself and for Harumi. He believes his powers were driven from his aspirations to not only break free from a stifling upbringing and be his own person, but to also hold on to Harumi and keep her memory alive. No matter how hard her family tries to erase her seemingly insignificant existence, he won’t let her fade away. She might have been a nobody to them but to him, she was his best friend.

While exploring the garden, Sara compared Michi and Harumi to wildflowers trying to grow through concrete. Michi said the town changed a lot when he first left years ago. It was mostly the elders who stuck around while the younger generation is moving out. He notes that there seems to be a growing resentment between the old and young, resulting in a lot more infighting than usual when both sides don’t know how to handle conflict properly. As bleak as it sounds, to stay in a town like that is basically throwing your future away. Just as Sara said, the cracks are showing and sooner or later, the structure will collapse on itself.

There’s just something so calming about nature in general. The Tranquil Garden seems to amplify that feeling. In a way, it kinda feels like my walls have been lowered so I feel a bit more open. Leif says the Tranquil Leaf has this sorta anesthetic affect on the mind, which explains why Sara and Michi spoke more in depth about things they’d normally be more guarded about. Both of them were recommended to visit the garden to clear their minds and it seems to help a lot.

The Tranquil Leaf does wonders for the mind. Although leaf is in the name, it’s actually a wildflower, though some may consider it a weed. Simple in appearance, if it weren’t for its calming effect, the flower would’ve been easily overlooked.

Wildflowers in general have always fascinated me, especially those that grow in unusual places like through abandoned buildings or old concrete. I guess it’s because it has to do with something about resilience or breaking free from a stifling environment and forging your own path.

[nemeseos-noctua]

OOOH OKOK i’m so excited (anon who double checked here)— if it isn't too confusing or complicated, could i request something for zhongli, diluc and albedo with an s/o who’s super insecure about their appearance? maybe include how they would react, as well as how they would comfort them? i’m trying to be nicer to myself, but on most days i just don't know how anyone could ever find me attractive :') feel free to skip this if you don't feel like writing them!! tysm 💞

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: zhongli, diluc, albedo (separate) x gn!reader

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: not proofread, insecurities/self-deprecating themes

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: i actually had so much fun writing this??? thank u for requesting! <3

he's a bit dumbfounded. why would anyone, anything be insecure of their outward appearance? especially someone like you?

though, that doesn't mean he's curt about it. zhongli will definitely take the time and effort to stroke your cheek, to ghost over your lips in a small act of you're beautiful, love

he's subtle about it, not directly telling you. though zhongli's words are like gold, he doesn't think straight out saying "i think you're beautiful" is enough

whenever he catches you staring at yourself in the mirror, he'll quickly come and swoop you away. no, you mustn't wallow on your appearance so much it begins to shift. zhongli is no stranger to overthinking, and he certainly will not let you do the same

(ahem, erosion. listen, the old man needs a way to make memory loss sound cool.)

he'll begin to put extra, extra effort in caring for you (he cared for you a lot before, but this is amplified now)

everyday, don't be surprised if a bouquet of freshly-picked silk flowers and glaze lilies appear at your doorstep. yes, it can be embarrassing to see the same flower man delivering it, but it's all in good love

little notes attached to it, telling you such little things, yet they mean so much. "you look lovely today, love." even if he hasn't seen you yet. "make sure to eat your meals. i left some in the fridge for you to heat it up when you wake up."

zhongli is a man who finds beauty in every thing, every mundane thing that a mortal may look over in their fleeting life. does the sky make you smile? does the way your lungs flood with oxygen everytime you breathe make you realize how lucky you are to be alive?

the world is still beautiful, as are you.

so embrace it, step by step.

he... doesn't understand

diluc isn't one to be hung up over his appearance. though, that doesn't mean he won't make an effort to understand you

or, try to understand you

when he catches you staring at yourself with a distraught expression, he dismisses it at first. maybe you felt off today, yada yada.

and then it kept happening

and then diluc grew worried

all his life, diluc has been told he was handsome or gorgeous. and all his life, he had thought it was because he was the typhoon of a particularly wealthy business

so when you stroll in as the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and tell him, you think you're ugly... he doesn't know how to react

all he can do is stifle out a little "you're not ugly..." because you're not. diluc doesn't think you're ugly, both inside and out. ugly is such a broadened term, a twisted perception of appearance molded by society just to put others down

so diluc tries his best. he tries to tell you every day he sees you... well, um, he acts it out

occasional glances, his vermilion eyes will meet yours. he'll spare you a tender look before steeling over once kaeya comes into the picture. he tells you he loves you, but at the same time, he doesn't

just the warmth. the warmth he produces when he holds you, the warmth of his gaze when he watches over you, the ghosts of smiles when you do something so mundane yet amazing in his eyes

diluc will not tell you the obvious, the obvious that he thinks you're stunning and gorgeous and amazing and beautiful.

he does not tell you—because he can't. he doesn't know how, so he hopes that this kiss from his lips will be enough to assure you... even if it's just for today, or tonight, or this hour—

"i love you, and don't you ever forget that."

albedo would go off about how beauty and ugliness is just a hypothetical term that people created to define their unrealistic standards

but then he notices the way you bite your lip in anxiousness, chewing up the skin as you eye at yourself like a vermin of this earth. why? why must you be so harsh on yourself? the alchemist thinks

albedo genuinely does not understand, but if you try to convince him otherwise, he will cut you off and pull down a list of why he thinks you are beautiful

number 1: you have enchanting eyes

number 2: you are actually interesting

number 3: you talk with him for who he is, not who others see him as

he'll begin to take you out on his material-fetching quests. look at this flower, he thinks it smells like you. did you know during times of old, people used to use stars to navigate? he thinks you are like polaris, a guide in the dark.

albedo will draw you in secret, each stroke filled with more care than his three-lined kaeyas could ever imagine. to him, you are the most interesting person in the world—he could draw you forever

like diluc, albedo does not understand why someone would think lowly of themselves. never has albedo met someone he thought of as ugly, but then again, he's the last person who gets an opinion on that. mr. "everything is a hypothetical"

and once while he was out, you discovered his drawings of you. how they portrayed every thought he ever kept until now, his little notes and the way you stared at yourself

did you know, people who are told to draw themselves often make themselves duller because this is how they view them?

yet when someone like albedo comes in and truly draws the person as who he sees, they are the most breathtaking ever

compared to his lame kaeyas, it was time you realized how truly beautiful you are

each mark, each smile and each article of clothing.

"before i met you, love was a mere concept i had no interest in."

as an alchemist who strives to create life, albedo is aware of the beauty such fleeting times hold

so tell yourself in the mirror the next time you glance at yourself. see yourself through his lens of rose, his lens that have never laid their eyes upon someone like you:

"i'm beautiful"

say it and remember.

[onceuponastory]

unlikely alliances - bucky barnes and nick fowler

Plot: Whilst searching for information about the new variant of super soldier serum given to the Flag Smashers, Sam and Bucky learned from Dr Nagel that the CIA authorised the creation of more serum. To find out more, they visit Sam’s old friend: Agent Y/N Y/L/N, who’s working at the CIA under the...guidance of Agent Nick Fowler. Pairing: Female!Reader x ??? (you’ll see what I mean soon) Warnings: The 355 spoilers (in case you’ve not seen anything about the movie yet lmao), Nick Fowler (I keep saying it, but he’s a warning all on his own) and weapons. Notes: So I rewatched TFATWS episode 3 the other day for the plot, and when Nagel said that he was hired by the CIA to make more super soldier serum, I immediately thought of our fave asshole CIA Agent, aka Nick Fowler. So this fic idea was born, and I decided to see what would happen if Nick was brought into the TFATWS universe. And YES, I know Nick and Bucky are both played by the same person, but I haven’t gone into how similar they look etc in this. If you think this kinda thing is weird, or want to come into my ask box yelling about how unrealistic it is for them to meet...please don’t. I just think they’d have an interesting dynamic if they met (and they’re my two fave Sebastian characters so....), that’s all. Thanks. Also I know Zemo is with Sam and Bucky in TFATWS but he isn’t in this. 

Unlocking her front door, Y/N Y/L/N steps inside, locking the door behind her and dropping her bag onto the floor. After the day she’s had at work, all she wants to do is run herself a nice bubble bath, pour herself a glass of wine and relax. But as she steps further into the apartment, she immediately realises something is off...like someone is inside with her. Her blood runs cold, and she picks up her phone, just in case she needs to dial for help. “Hello?” She calls. “Is somebody there?” Two sets of footsteps exit her kitchen, and her hand moves to dial 911. But then, she sees who’s standing in front of her. “Sam?” At the sound of his name, Sam grins.

“Hey Y/N, it’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s good to see you too. It’s been too long. Anyway, care to explain why the hell you’re in my house with...” Her eyes glance to the man beside Sam, recognising him immediately. It’s The Winter Soldier. Of course, as a CIA agent who’s worked with plenty of Avengers in her career and as someone who watches the news a lot, she’s well aware of who he is. And now he’s in her house. He steps forward, extending a hand for her to shake. She does so, feeling the smooth leather of his glove brushing against her palm. “Hello, I’m Agent Y/N Y/L/N. It’s nice to meet you.” He smiles softly.

“Likewise. I’m Bucky-”

“I um, I know who you are.” She cuts him off, and his face falls, no doubt reminded of his past and how she probably thinks the worst of him now. “You’re Sergeant James Bucky Barnes.” Although she’s heard what the sort of person The Winter Soldier is throughout her career, she knows it was never his fault. And that’s why she always calls him Bucky. Bucky frowns, clearly not expecting to be greeted with his full name or rank. But he smiles anyway, making her smile. It’s definitely a change for him, but a nice and appreciated one nevertheless.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how do you two know each other?” Bucky frowns, gesturing between the pair. Sam nods, chuckling fondly.

“Back when the whole Sokovia Accords thing happened, and we all became wanted international criminals, Y/N helped us with a few things through her job at the CIA. Kept in touch with her ever since, just in case.” Bucky nods, and his gaze goes back to her. His eyes look over her, and she can feel herself blushing slightly. There’s no denying that the man in front of her is incredibly attractive. 

“Anyway, boys, I guess you’re not here for a courtesy call. What can I do for you?” Taking a breath, Sam explains.

“Someone’s been recreating the super-soldier serum, that made...you know...” He gestures towards Bucky, who gives him a look. “Anyway, it’s been making a whole new legion of super-soldiers called the Flag Smashers, and we have to stop them. We’ve been trying to find where they’ve been getting the serum from to stop its production.”

“Mhm....and what makes you think I’d be able to help with this?”

“Well...” Sam trails off. “We spoke to someone called Doctor Wilfred Nagel, and he said that he’d been working for the CIA to remake the serum before the blip, and he thinks that someone is continuing his work and creating a bunch of soldiers to strike out at the government.” Y/N gasps, frowning. “We were wondering if you knew anything about that, or...”

“No. I don’t.” She insists, cutting him off. Sam and Bucky frown, looking between each other. 

“Well, are you sure? You do work at the CIA after all.” Bucky asks. “Do you think you missed something?” He steps forward, narrowing his gaze. “...Or do you perhaps know more about this whole thing than you’re letting on?” Y/N’s eyes widen. How dare he?

“Buck. Watch your tone.” Sam hisses. Y/N folds her arms angrily.

“No, Bucky. I don’t. I don’t know everything that goes on in the CIA. As I’m sure you two don’t know everything that goes on in the Avengers tower. You have no right to accuse me of a coverup.” She snaps. Bucky glances down, suddenly looking guilty. Sam steps forward.

“Look, nobody is accusing anyone of anything...right Buck?” Sam asks, and Bucky nods, mumbling an apology. 

“I’d like to help you both, trust me, but I don’t know anything about this. I promise. I’m usually shut away in an office doing paperwork for other missions, so I wouldn’t know anything about this if it’s even happening.” 

“Well, would it be okay if we just...had a look round the building? Maybe there’s a hidden lab or something?” Y/N raises a brow.

“So what you’re asking is if you can use my I.D badge to snoop around my work?” The pair nod and Y/N shakes her head. “No! Absolutely not. I do not want to get involved in this, and I advise you two not to either. You don’t know what kind of info you can find there and what might happen when you find it. And I could get in serious trouble for this! I don’t know if it’s worth it.” Bucky steps forward, a pleading look in his eyes.

“I understand, but please...just let us look. This is really important to us both. Especially me and my past. We won’t let anything bad happen to you. We promise.” He tells her, and Sam nods. Y/N sighs. Of course, she’s seen the news about the Flag Smashers on TV and what they’re capable of. She also knows that her boss Nick Fowler has been trying to figure out a way to stop them as well. Maybe this will help them get one step closer? And besides, if all else fails, at least it’ll show Nick that she took the initiative to solve the problem. She nods. “Alright. Wait till it gets dark, and I’ll take you two over. That way, there’ll only be a few agents there and the occasional security guard.” The boys nod. Y/N sighs again. Hopefully this doesn’t all go to shit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That night, the trio enter the main building of the CIA. “I never realised how empty and quiet this place is at night. It’s kinda spooky.” Y/N chuckles awkwardly as the trio approach the elevators. The security guard steps forward, ready to ask who Sam and Bucky are. Y/N holds up her badge, announcing: “They’re with me. Stand down.” Bucky chuckles as they enter the elevator to go to Y/N’s office, and she frowns.

“What’s so funny, Bucky?”

“Oh nothing, it’s just...the whole stand down thing. Not gonna lie, I wasn’t expecting a CIA agent to say that.” His cheeks flush slightly, and Y/N giggles. He’s right. It’s kinda funny, actually. “Oh also um. I’m sorry about earlier. With the whole accusing you thing. It’s just...” He gulps. “This whole thing is really personal to me. I mean, of course, it is, but I just really want it solved, and maybe I was kind of a dick-”

“Kind of?” Sam asks. Y/N scolds him. 

“Hey! He’s apologising. It’s okay, Bucky. Apology accepted, I understand. Hopefully, I’ll be able to help you both find some more information.” The elevator dings, signifying that they have reached the floor they need, and Y/N leads the pair to her office. Sitting down at her desk, she logs onto her computer, loading up all the documents and programs she thinks will help them. “I don’t know if this will help in any way, but we have a database, so maybe some documents slipped through?”

“Hey, listen. Any help you can offer is incredibly useful and much appreciated.” Sam reassures, and Bucky nods. Y/N continues to type on her computer, scrolling through file after file. None of them seem to have the information she wants, and she sighs. As she does so, the boys continue to look around her office for any more information, rummaging through files and cabinets. Increasingly turning up nothing, Y/N gets more and more frustrated. “Dammit.” She hisses, continuing to click and type.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright. You’re doing your best.” Bucky walks up to her, leaning against her desk. He gives her a reassuring smile, and that makes her feel better. “Still can’t find anything? Mind if I help? I know I’m from the forties, but I can try my best. Two heads are better than one, after all.” He asks, kneeling down beside her. Almost immediately, she’s aware of the smell of Bucky’s cologne, and his side profile. God, he’s fucking gorgeous. Maybe she’ll ask for his number after this. 

Y/N and Bucky continue to search through files together. Well, Bucky does more of the searching, whilst Y/N tries to come to terms with how close the super-soldier is to her. “Wait!” Bucky frowns, pointing something out. “What’s this?” Leaning in closer, Y/N reads out the form.

“It says someone booked out one of our labs for medical research...almost a year ago. It doesn’t explain what this research is for or why it was conducted.” She peers up from the screen, looking at both Sam and Bucky. “Does this fit your timeline of the Flag Smashers? So far, it’s the closest we’ve got to finding information on this.”

“Well, they first popped up about two months ago, and with the time it would take to finish up a batch of the serum, ship it out, give it to them and all the stuff that comes with that...I’d say it was possible, sure.” Sam answers. Bucky nods in agreement.

“Does it say who booked the lab out or authorised this?” Bucky asks, and Y/N begins to scroll down, scanning the page as she does so. 

“Signed out by...Nick Fowler?” She gasps, her eyes widening. Sam and Bucky frown. 

“Who’s that?”

“...Only the head of the CIA, and my boss. This goes all the way to the top.” Sam and Bucky give each other uneasy looks. 

“Come on, I don’t think you’re safe here, just in case someone finds out what you know. You better come with us.” Bucky tells her, concern lacing his tone. Y/N frowns.

“Okay, just because he signed off on the lab being booked doesn’t mean he’s involved...right?” She asks. Of course, she knows her question is dumb, but after spending so much time working under Nick and growing to know him, she’s shocked to think he’s the sort of person who’d do something like this.

“I think it might.” Bucky answers. “Come on, we better go. I think we’ve overstayed our welcome.” Sam nods. But as the trio heads towards the door, it swings open, and in strolls Nick Fowler.

“Leaving so soon?” He asks, grinning. Y/N gasps. Nick glances between Sam and Bucky. “I see we haven’t met before. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Nick Fowler.” Protectively, Bucky and Sam step forward, slightly shielding Y/N with their bodies. Nick looks down at her, smirking.

“Well, aren’t you just a clever girl?” He asks.

“Nick, listen, we don’t know anything. They just wanted some information for the Sokovia reports. Something’s missing, and they just needed the information to fill out the report.” Y/N lies. Nick sighs, tutting.

“You really expect me to believe that? If you do, then you’re a worse liar than I thought.” He glances above their heads, pointing out the camera in the corner of the room. “First of all, every office in this entire building has a security camera in it. You should know by now that if you want secrets in a place like this, you’ll need to be a lot smarter than that. And second, if you try to research most things the CIA has done, I get notified every time.” Y/N sighs. Nick looks between the trio. “If you must know, yes, I’ve been working on recreating the super soldier-serum.” Nick looks over at Bucky. “Of course, in an ideal world, we would recreate something like Mr Barnes here, a glorified weapon...” Bucky’s jaw clenches in anger.

“Hey, don’t speak to him like that!” Sam threatens, and Nick scoffs.

“Oh please, Mr Wilson, I’d advise against arguing with me.” Sam stops, and Nick continues. “But even if we couldn’t recreate the Winter Soldier, having our own band of super-soldiers was more than enough for me. If only you three hadn’t found out.” He sighs dejectedly. “Now, what am I going to do with you three, hm?” He asks, cocking his head to the side.

“Nick, just let them go. Take me. They didn’t do anything. It was all me.” Y/N begs.

“No! Y/N, it’s our fault-” Bucky begins, but Nick cuts him off.

“That’s a very heroic effort, Sergeant Barnes, but unfortunately, it isn’t going to work. I can’t let any of you go, lest you spill my secrets.” He opens the door and gestures. Three armed men come storming in, each grabbing hold of one of the trio, despite their protests. “You know, I really am sorry it has to be like this.” Nick sighs. “But you should’ve just kept your noses out of things.”

Author’s note: Because I couldn’t decide how to end this fic, and I also couldn’t choose someone for the reader to end up with, I’ve decided to let you choose yourselves. So...choose your ending:

Bucky’s ending or Nick’s ending.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Taglist: @buckysboobs, @ccmarvelxx, @bearly-koalafied, @xoxoloverb, @simplybombshell, @phildunphyisadilf, @loudchaosjellyfish, @littleeuphoriaelf, @livstilinski, and @charmed-asylum​. (I know this is my Lies taglist, but it’s in case you wanna read all my Nick works)

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity, Do you ever wonder if Enneagrammer is off on the instinctual subtypes?  The basic idea of instinctual subtypes makes sense, but when all three instincts are essential to human flourishing, the idea that everyone is blind to one of them to such an extreme degree just doesn’t make sense.    Human behavior is more flexible than that! 

Also, the original idea that the three instincts are self-preservation, one-to-one, and group/community makes so much more sense than the Enneagrammer’s idea that the one-to-one instinct is purely sexual.  

The Enneagrammer puts so much into the third category: care-taking and nurturing, deep bonding, long-term commitment, awareness of other people’s needs, awareness of group dynamics, awareness of social and political issues, ambition, status-seeking - and those things don’t all belong in the same category!   There are people who are profoundly nurturing but oblivious to social status; there are people who are politically active but oblivious to the needs of the people close to them. 

From a developmental and psychological point of view, it makes more sense to think of the instincts as one-to-one versus larger community: infants bond deeply with their caregivers before they develop any awareness of group or community.  Intimacy and community are not the same thing.  

It makes so much more sense to think of the three instincts as (1) self-preservation, (2) intimacy and (3) community. 

I’m not back in full, because I’m not done with my book (I have about a week’s worth of rewriting to go), but this post has been nagging at me ever since it came into my inbox, so I’d like to respond to it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and discussing the sx variant with other people, in an attempt to come to a consensus about what it “is.”

The idea that you are totally blind to one thing … sort of makes sense but also sort of doesn’t. I agree with you, I think we use all three (and most people who aren’t Enneagrammer say that as well), but that one of them is super strong, the next one is weaker, and the third is the most under-used in a serious way, because the other two take prominence, kind of like your inferior function. You can use it, but it never feels quite right or like you are using it to its best potential.

I think Enneagrammer does rely too much on sexual attraction in their descriptions; but I think Fauvre, Chestnut, Rohr, and everyone else doesn’t include it enough. The most likely definition of it falls between the two, somewhere in the middle. Basically, I would agree with idea of it being intimacy, but it is not just “one-on-one,” because EVERYONE prefers one-on-one relationships. Most people want to get to know one another on that level and be intimate; otherwise, society would not function.

Sx is about intensity, chemistry, and heat. It’s “juice.” Being plugged into an outlet. Not being able to get enough of a person. Being around them shoots an electrical current through your body, like an addiction you can’t overcome. I wouldn’t say sx-blind’s are incapable of having sx with another person – rather, it’s something that doesn’t happen a lot to us, and maybe we think is part of having “unrealistic expectations” for our life. Like, we hang out with people and they aren’t an electrical plug for us, they don’t fill us with energy, they don’t “excite us” in that intense way, and for me at least, that includes feeling a little… sad about what is missing, what I can’t seem to find (being a Melancholic personality, I think longingly of a lot of things that aren’t good enough in my life and that aren’t fulfilling me); but it often isn’t enough to make me just turn my back on them, and refuse to interact with them, because I won’t settle for anything less than “a fantasy.”

I’ve had ONE “intense” friendship in my life. One.* There was nothing sexual about it, but being around her was amazing. We just “clicked” and were great together. We couldn’t get enough of each other, and spent hours chatting, e-mailing each other (multiple times a day, since we lived in separate states), we flew hundreds of miles to see each other, etc. I no sooner dropped her off at the airport than we started chatting once she got to the gate, and then again on her layover flight. We never got bored with each other, and I could tell her things about myself that I trusted no one else with – which as a 6 was huge for me. It was like being fully “on” – plugged into this source of energy and fun.

But I feel like she was a special case and while I really, desperately want/need to find that kind of an intense connection again (enough that I’m often sad about it, because it feels like something is missing for me), a large part of me is resigned to the fact that maybe I won’t. Those people are one in a thousand for me. It’s like being hit by lightning – it happens once in a lifetime. Or at least, that’s been the case with me, since I’ve never had a similar experience. I love all my friends, they feed my brain and my heart, but there has never again been that willingness to stay up until 3 in the morning because I can’t bear to say goodnight (and be FINE the next day, because I’m so happy about our interactions).

I don’t think a “blind spot” means “you never have, or do this, or want this,” it just means, “You don’t focus enough on this, when you should.” I think in terms of sexual attraction, sx is very important, and does factor into how you want to attract a partner or zero in on them – but in terms of purely platonic relationships, there’s no sexual attraction or chemistry involved, just chemistry in general, awareness of it, and a prompting, given a “lack of it” to go “… not for me.” Most people want a spark, the magic, whatever, but some of them grow it over time, and some of them go looking for it.

I imagine that’s why I’ve never dated too seriously; the idea of searching through a thousand different people to find the ONE that shoots that electrical charge through me seems… exhausting. So much work. For a person with more sx higher in the stack, maybe it wouldn’t feel so daunting, but I think about it and sigh, because what might be on the other end (sx chemistry) doesn’t seem a big enough goal to motivate me into action. I think in sp terms instead (how much time, effort, energy is this going to take from me, when I have only a limited amount anyway?). I can’t just “feel” my way into relationships, either. I process them all through my mind, my head center. “I think about … love” rather than just feeling it.

I also don’t think sx-blinds are unaware of their chemistry with other people or a lack of it; they just might dismiss it as secondary or assume this relationship or interest is good enough for now. (I’m profoundly sx-blind, yet… I know damn well when I have no chemistry with someone or there’s no interest there.)

Now, I wouldn’t discredit their opinion of sx as sexually driven entirely, because obviously, there are a lot of people on this planet who exhibit those exact traits described in their sx section (a peacock seeking a mate and to “compete”); I’ve known extremely promiscuous people who really would love to “bang” someone they are attracted to, five minutes after they meet them, because their “chemistry is LIT” … but I don’t think it’s “all there is” or that it necessarily manifests that way in every single type. I think Enneagrammer over-focuses on sex in their descriptions of the sx variant deliberately, to compensate for other descriptions totally ignoring sexual attraction and competition as part of the sx variant.

It’s also important to factor in your cultural upbringing and morals when considering sx, which they don’t do. All of them are very liberal and progressive about sexual attitudes and permissive of casual sex, but I know several people of the sx variant who are “waiting” until they get married, because their morals and religious beliefs outweigh their “wanton desires.” (Both of them turned up their nose at the Enneagrammer descriptions in disgust and called it “over-sexed.”) So, who you are matters; having sx won’t automatically make you a casual hook-up kind of person, even if that instinct to grab whatever juices you up is there.

Regarding their social description… I don’t know, honestly, because I relate to so much of it that there’s nothing that doesn’t resonate with me, whereas I relate to exactly none of their sx description; it all makes sense to me from a social standpoint. But I would break it down thusly – care taking, I would put under SP because it’s part of providing for self/others; deep bonding I would say might be true of all social variants; long-term commitment is also sp in my mind, because it’s about survival and nesting; being aware of others’ needs in a broad sense is indeed social; awareness of group dynamics is also social. But for me, I don’t think in terms of, say, a school board when I hear “group,” I think of – family unit, etc. “But what will your mother and sisters think of me?” “Is this behavior appropriate for where I am and what I am doing?” Social status being soc would be, I think, tied more to social 3 than anything.

I am interested in reading their book about subtypes when it comes out, because I’d like more in-depth individual descriptions than just their one-sentence summary of each subtype. What I’ve heard makes sense to me in a rational sense (like the sx6 being likely to accuse other people of trying to “steal my guy/girl” – that fits with the anxiety of the 6, and the jealousy/protectiveness/projection of “bad intentions” onto their area of stress, which is sexual for the sx 6), so there may be some truth in their conclusions.

I think social variants are the least-known aspect of the Enneagram, that there is still a lot to learn about it, and that maybe the theory isn’t broad enough yet in the right ways. Are we sure there’s only three of them? Is it necessary to try and deconstruct ourselves so much that we put everything we do, say, or feel into a box?

* Enneagrammer might call this a social relationship and… I don’t know. They could be right, since it was all about communication as part of bonding. *shrug* I’ve also been told that I expect too much from intimate relationships, that I look for more than exists in them or that the other person can provide. So it may be that I have some sx-over-focus going on since it’s weak in me. :P

[itsnothingofinterest]

So you know what’s been on my mind lately? How much of a humanitarian nightmare Tartarus is, and the dark implications about how it’s used.

What we know for sure about Tartarus is pretty stark, but we can draw some easy assumptions from that little information. All we know for sure is thus: 

It was made for the worst of the worst criminals for whom the death penalty is considered too lenient. While inside, prisoners are strapped to slabs of metal or chairs so they can talk to interrogators but otherwise not move, and guns are trained on them at all times to fill them with lead if they even think about using their quirks. In at least AFO’s case, he was taken there without trial; but he does seem to be having a trial later on...which they don’t feel he needs to be there for it. Also, prisoners aren’t told any outside information.

The implications we can draw are as such: If it’s purposefully worse than the death sentence, it is likely a life sentence with no parole. Additionally, I imagine it purposefully has no interest in treating its prisoners humanely except in ways necessary to keep them alive. Regarding those trials, because they aren’t told anything on the outside, we can possibly assume that they are not removed to talk to defendants or taken to court. So AFO’s legal situation may be the norm. We don’t have evidence to suggest he’s being treated special anyway, considering the purpose of Tartarus.

But hey, that’s fine right? This is the prison for the worst of the worst, why care if it’s not exactly humane, or if these guys don’t take part in their own trials? Well you should probably care on principle anyway, but also that only holds true if we assume the people in charge who send them to Tartarus are all on the ball with no hidden agendas or biases. And if you’ve kept your ear on the current real life situation with the police & government, you may realize how unrealistic that is.

You see, there’s something I’ve noticed about Tartarus; everyone involved in the League who’s been captured has been sent there. The only one who we don’t know has been sent there is Mustard, and we don’t know he hasn’t been sent there either. (Also, I heard that in side material it’s stated that child villains can be tried as adults, but I haven't varied that. It sounds plausible if I’m honest, but take it with a grain of salt.) Now, that kind of makes sense on an individual basis when you remember the people caught are Muscular, Moonfish, & technically Stain; 3 mass murderers & hero killers, and All For One; the criminal king pin of the last 200 years. Except then there’s Kurogiri.

Kurogiri, while a main member of the League of Villains, doesn’t have much of a criminal record. He’s threatened the hero students & injured Thirteen, but otherwise he’s just been a taxi service, bartender, and baby sitter for the League. If threatening and injuring heroes is enough to land you in the biggest prison in the country, either japan’s criminals must be really pathetic or Tartarus is full to bursting. (And yes, he’s also a Nomu, but they didn't know that at the time and I can’t imagine how that would relate to the prison your sent to anyway.)

Or, more likely I feel, there’s a standing order to send every captured League member to Tartarus. Now why would they do that you ask? Well I have some theories that all hold about the same amount of water. Perhaps it’s because All For one is that notorious that anyone with any connection to anyone he knows has to be sent there for the people in charge to feel really safe that he’s finally gone.

Or perhaps it’s because the League itself is considered a threat. Shigaraki is someone who, in his first day of villainy; picked a fight with All Might, almost won, and then got away. I imagine all of those factors are quire rare, so he was already a blemish on hero society from day 1. He’s also basically the only force in the country actively calling out the corrupt Hero Society. Stain was calling out corruption in the heroes, but he through the system itself was fine, while Shigaraki is against the system itself and is actively gathering like-minded people to bring it down. I don’t know how aware of Shigaraki’s views the HC are, but if they are then they have even more reason to show no mercy to anyone in his group.

Or it could just be because the group as a whole are considered by the public as super-dangerous domestic-terrorists. I mean even if it is one of the above reason, that’s probably the cover story.

Still, and maybe it’s just because the League are all my faves, I can’t help but find it disturbing that they’d be shipped of to that worst of the worst prison for the worst of the worst criminals for life upon capture, potentially before any kind of trial and without ever taking part in any kind of trial. Even Spinner might be sent there and I don’t think he’s even killed anyone who’s not one of those CRC Klan-looking freaks. And there’s a not insignificant chance Mustard was sent there. That’s weird, right? That’s more than a bit messed up, right?

And I mean, if they’ve done this with the League, who’s to say they haven't done this with other groups or individuals the HC finds particularly troublesome?

[macgyvertape]

thoughts on season of splicer ending

warning: spoilers for the entire season, general discussion of leaks, and absolutely being Bungie critical. Basically trying to write this out and figure out my own thoughts in the writing

I guess my first thoughts are what everyone's talking about: Osiris.

All the wild theories about if he's been replaced, controlled, playing 5d chess, etc. tldr: leaks say that from season of the Hunt it hasn't been Osiris but Savathun. Yeah I've read people's compilations of proof until I rapidly got bored with them. I'll be bluntly honest, if Bungie is going for some sort of imposter story-line then they're doing a fucking awful job at telling it.

a) A good imposter story-line needs to establish to the audience that there is the possibility or replacement/control

b) characters in the story themselves should be aware of point A and be actively considering it in their decision making

c) if the imposter is doing something the original didn't than clearly show audience the imposter is there.

I would say Bungie didn't do any of these, no the lore page of Savathun's human disguise falling apart around her doesn't count, because Bungie has long had a problem of putting story relevant plot details in lore pages and then not referencing them ingame. Lore should accentuate story, not provide key details to the story.

If you want to see a good imposter story-line look at Forsaken, and how they worked to make it obvious to someone who didn't know who Mara Sov was that something was up.

Most of the proof people cite is either cherry picking ambiguous things Osiris has said, or pointing out inconsistencies in writing. IMO not much of the evidence holds up because multiple characters this season (Saint, Lakshmi, Mithrax) have been written inconsistently with past appearances and without nuance; because their character has to carry the plot in a certain way or there are limits on recording dialogue for override/expunge.

My point in recapping the Osiris thing, is that from a thematic view at the end of the season Osiris is Osiris and I'm judging the story from the view of the season not how will the story be in the future.

very cynical take that as much praise as Bungie wants for working to make a high profile gay relationship be shown in game after a writer confirmed it on twitter

if leaks are right: if  Osiris hasn't been Osiris for the past 3 seasons then none of the scenes with Saint are real or matter, and it invalidates all the emotional grief of Sagira being dead. It's 3 seasons of character development and effort wasted

or: they took the first chance they could to make one of them an unsympathetic villain and write him out of the story.

(yeah destiny has other queer character but how many of them are alive and matter to the story? When was the last time Ana's girlfriend was mentioned?)

The game is clear that for all the talk about "vex tech influence" Lakshmi's views and choices were her own, so the same for Osiris: he is responsible for helping Lakshmi and is responsible for all the civilian deaths, he's the 2ndary Human villain of the season.

Which brings me to my point (that I've seen others say) is that Bungie should have given a second thought to having their all of their human antagonists be PoC characters this expansion. Osiris, Lakshmi, and Saladin last season. For Lakshmi and Saladin they weren't just antagonists, they were written to be bigots for the community to dislike. Yes Destiny has a lot of PoC characters and anyone can be a villain, but IMO its a bad look from a company who talks so much about social justice. It wouldn't matter except Bungie wanted the message of the season to be anti-racism, and I'm comparing it within the context of how often minorities are the villains in games/US media. I don't think it was deliberately done, I just think it is something that like last season's issues with proving grounds and antisemitism they didn't care or bother with a sensitivity reader.

It's obvious this season they were going for a very obvious reference to Trump and modern day fears about refugees with Lakshmi, and it's a bad look that they did with a Indian female character and refugees are the enemy crab aliens. I'm also not saying that female characters can't be villains, but did the Bungie writers not think about just how nasty gamers would get in either slurs, insults, or expressing wishes for violence, and how pervasive and visible it would be?

I'm genuinely curious why the writers went for such a heavy handed analogy, and a story-line that feels like it comes from an afterschool special. The Eliksni have been enemies in atleast 4 expansions now, there could have been a more nuanced story other than "House of Light is good keep on killing all other Fallen". At the end of the season the game treated the attack on the City being Lakshmi and Osiris' fault, and all the people who don't like the Eliksni (say the people doing hate crimes in the lore) left with the factions so "problem resolved" . Lakshmi gets a simple karmatic death, in an area where multiple reddit threads express how they love tbagging the corpse. The ending cutscene didn't feel super inspiring to me it just felt unrealistic not just in real life where things aren't that simple but also within Destiny's story; the "you are my family" line felt cringe to me, probably because it felt unearned.

That's kind of the problem of the season isn't it, that the earliest planned game based decisions like having a Vex seasonal enemy and getting rid of the Factions determined the cast of characters with ties to the Vex and factions. So you just fight x many Vex bosses until you defeat Quria, then there's a break for Solstace, but on Reset-Tuesday with no warning things escalate because its epilogue time.

Sadly I forget who said that "it felt like the plot needed to hit one beat a week" meaning one issue had to get resolved enough for the community to talk about (except for when we take 3 weeks off for solstice). Each week there has to be some sort of hook to avoid the overblown "content drought". So multiple times you will have characters change their mind or their deep held beliefs after one counter argument is presented. (big example is Saint changing his mind not over the season but after one cutscene). City politics and factions don't matter aside from dialogue in a few different weeks because they'll be gone at the end of the season but in the meantime characters needed to talk about something to prompt fandom engagement. example: the fandom argues about governance of the last city for a while before the argument burn out since the relevant lore wasn't designed to hold up to close scrutiny.

just, I'm a politically active leftist in a red conservative state so maybe i just find this exhausting since I deal with similar issues irl and am more prone to thinking this season was tone deaf.

tldr: that wow this turned out really negative. Which I didn't really expect considering how much I enjoyed the first few weeks of the season. I enjoyed a lot of the gameplay this season (I really enjoy fun gambit aka Overrides and VoG). But as for replaying the story on my other characters, I don't think I'll bother.

[agent-cupcake]

just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses. 

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader. 

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #160

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making... wait a minute! Isn’t King Arthur supposed to be a girl?

Anyways, this faker is a Watcher Paladin and Monster Slayer Ranger to hunt down beasts wherever they may hide, as well as a Zealot Barbarian for his own Mana Burst skill and even bigger smites.

Check out his (god, it feels wrong using that pronoun) build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: He might not be allowed at pride, but I’m not waiting a month to do another build.

Race and Background

Arthur may be from a different reality, but he’s still a Human, and since we need those ability scores more than any feats, this gives him a +1 to all abilities. You’re a Pendragon, so you’re a lil bit basic by FGO standards.

He’s also a Knight, getting proficiency in History and Persuasion.

Ability Scores

Unfortunately your mana burst can’t do all the work, so make your Strength as high as possible to swing your sword sword. After that is Charisma; you have a whole skill named after it, and I mean have you heard his White Day voice lines? Dude’s sexy. If you want to set off on an interplanar hunting trip, Wisdom is also a must. Your Dexterity also has to be pretty good, mostly for multiclassing, but also because sometimes you fight in a tuxedo. Sadly, this means your Constitution isn’t as high as we’d like, and you’ll have to dump Intelligence. I honestly don’t know how smart Arthur’s supposed to be, but we’re juggling a lot of balls here. The only things we could dump are intelligence and constitution, and he definitely doesn’t have a negative con modifier. If you’re really worked up about this one, just remember all his historical knowledge comes from another dimension, so it probably isn’t that useful in this one.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: Starting off as a paladin gives you proficiency with Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as proficiency with Religion and Athletics. You are still a Pendragon, and I’m pretty sure a holy grail fits into your backstory somewhere.

You also get a Divine Sense to help you hunt down extraplanar beasts, and you can use your Lay on Hands as an action to heal a creature you touch as an action, healing up to five times your paladin level per long rest.

2. Paladin 2: Second level paladins get their Fighting Style, and Great Weapon Fighting makes your attacks more consistent by re-rolling damage dice that land on 1s and 2s. This adds up, especially when you start factoring Divine Smites. Yes you too can use up spell slots to deal extra radiant damage to your Excalibur’s attacks!

Speaking of, you can use Spells, preparing and casting them with your Charisma. We’ll go into more detail about which ones to pick when we grab a subclass next level.

3. Paladin 3: Upon taking your sacred oath, you become a Watcher, this plane’s bulwark against extraplanar threats. (I mean, CotTT hangs out in his own demiplane, Tiamat spends most her time in Imaginary Number Space, and Kiara’s from the moon... most of the beasts we’ve seen so far count.)

Once per short rest, you can Channel Divinity in one of two ways. You can use your Watcher’s Will to give your allies advantage on Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma saves. You can also Abjure the Extraplanar, turning extraplanar creatures who fail their wisdom save, running away for a minute or until it takes damage.

You also get your freebie spells, Alarm and Detect Magic. The former will prevent your camp from getting ambushed, while the latter will be very useful to track down that beast you’re tailing.

Once you find them, use Compelled Duel to keep them in sword range, or Protection from Evil and Good to even the odds if they go on the offensive. Also, smites. Smites are good.

4. Paladin 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to round up your Constitution and Charisma for stronger saves and more health.

5. Paladin 5: Fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each attack action, making Excalibur’s victory a bit more promised.

You also get 2nd level spells, like the freebies Moonbeam and See Invisibility. Beasts do come with the tendency to transform for the climactic battle... I wonder if forcing them back into their less intimidating forms will actually weaken them?

Beyond the free spells, you can use more Smites, as well as Magic Weapon to make Excalibur a truly legendary weapon, adding +1 to its attack and damage rolls.

6. Barbarian 1: Changing planes to barbarian gives you your Mana Burst in the form of Rage, giving you several benefits: you get advantage on strength saves and checks, as well as bonus damage on melee attacks, and you resist physical damage. The downsides are; you can’t cast or concentrate on spells, the rage only lasts 1 minute, as long as you take or deal damage each round Also, you can’t use heavy armor. Hope you like a breastplate, because that’s the most you can hold onto here.

You also unlock your tuxedo, thanks to your Unarmored Defense, giving you a minimum AC based on your dexterity and constitution. I never said it would be good, but it’s better than nothing.

7. Ranger 1: Switching over quickly now, first level rangers get a free skill proficiency! Grab Survival to track your quarries, then use Canny to double survival’s proficiency bonus so you can track them beyond planar boundaries.

You also gain a Favored Enemy, a kind of foe that you have advantage on checks to track or recall lore about. Most beasts probably qualify as Aberrations in D&D, so go with that one.

8. Ranger 2: Second level rangers get another Fighting Style. Fighting in a tuxedo is pretty unrealistic, so let’s double down on the armor with Protection, giving you +1 to your AC in any kind of protection.

You also get another set of Spells that use your Wisdom. Thankfully Hunter’s Mark and Zephyr Strike don’t really care about your modifier. The former adds extra damage to every attack and makes tracking even easier than it already is. The latter only adds damage to a single attack, but it makes you able to ignore attacks of opportunity and move faster the one turn you deal extra damage. DW might not have given you a wind-based spiritron dress, but you can still make them work for you.

9. Ranger 3: Third level rangers get Primeval Awareness, spending a spell slot to sense various kinds of extraplanar and otherworldly creatures around you to make tracking down beast four a little easier.

Once you find it, you can use your skills as a Monster Slayer to take it down. Your Monster Slayer Magic gives you Protection from Evil and Good as a freebie, and you also gain two actual features! Hunter’s Sense is an action to determine a creature’s weaknesses and strengths. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your wisdom modifier.

You can also turn one creature at a time into your Slayer’s Prey, spending a bonus action to deal an extra bit of damage once per turn with your weapon attacks. It sticks to that creature until you finish a short rest.

Finally for your normal spell this level grab Searing Smite. It’s a smite, it sears.

10. Ranger 4: Fourth level rangers get another ASI, so bring your Strength up for stronger sword swings. Wielding the breath of a planet doesn’t mean anything if you can’t hit people with it.

11. Paladin 6: Your Aura of Protection gives you and allies within 10 feet of you a bonus to all your saving throws equal to your charisma modifier. Honestly this is super useful, you might want to think about doing this earlier. Or don’t, I’m not a cop.

12. Barbarian 2: Second level barbarians can make Reckless Attacks, giving you advantage on attacks for a turn in exchange for your enemies having advantage on attacks against you for the round. The smart thing to do is to smite them out of existence before they get the chance.

You also get Danger Sense, giving you advantage on dexterity saves if you can see them coming. You probably wouldn’t last long against Beast 1 if you weren’t able to survive a fireball.

13. Barbarian 3: Third level barbarians get their path, and as a Zealot you can put the fear of god into anything you fight. Your Divine Fury deals 1d6+1 extra radiant damage with each attack while raging, and as a Warrior of the Gods, you can be revived with magic without needing material components.

You also get Primal Knowledge to figure out an Animal Handling proficiency. Riding skill, checked off the list.

14. Paladin 7: Seventh level Watchers exude the Aura of the Sentinel, adding your proficiency bonus to your initiative, as well as the initiative of any creature within 10′ of you. With most beasts, attacking slowly means you won’t be attacking at all.

15. Paladin 8: Use this ASI to bump up your charisma for stronger spells and better saves. I’m still not entirely sure how we’re building Kiara yet, but rest assured those saves will be necessary.

16. Ranger 5: Fifth level rangers get an extra attack, but that doesn’t stack with the one you already have, sorry.

It’s not all bad news, though! You also get Zone of Truth from your Slayer magic, and Enhance Ability as your usual spell. The former forces humanoids to tell the truth if they fail a charisma save, while the latter just makes whoever you cast it on better in one kind of ability check for the duration, giving them advantage for the duration.

17. Ranger 6: If a Beast isn’t an aberration, it’s probably a Monstrosity, so grab that as your second Favored Enemy. You also get another Deft Explorer perk, Roving, which gives you an extra 5′ of movement speed, as well as a climbing and swimming speed. Since you’re never getting a summer version, it’s important that you can keep up with your female counterpart as-is.

18. Paladin 9: Ninth level paladins get third level spells; Counterspell and Nondetection both work to put a damper into beasts’ plans, either shutting down their super form or making it harder for them to spy on you. You also get more smites, Dispel Magic to force them out of their super mode later, or Spirit Shroud for more damage. more damage is good.

19. Paladin 10: At tenth level, you and your allies can’t be frightened because you’ve got an Aura of Courage! It’s level nineteen so that’s not super useful, but it’s still one less thing to worry about.

20. Paladin 11: Your capstone level gives you an Improved Divine Smite, adding a bit of that radiant goodness to all your melee attacks, regardless of what spell slots you do or don’t spend on them.

Pros:

Arthur has a big sword, and he knows how to use it, dealing some heavy damage with each swing. While raging and preying, he deals 6d6+4d8+10 damage each round (assuming both attacks hit), all boosted by great weapon master, and that’s before any kind of smites get included.

Despite your low dexterity score, you’re still pretty quick when you need to be. You’ve got a faster walking speed than most people, your dexterity save is solid thanks to your aura and danger sense, and you’ve got another aura boosting your initiative! Basically you have a high dexterity in everything except ability checks and AC, with almost no direct investment needed!

Mixing your primeval awareness with your divine senses means you are a fine-tuned tracker when it comes to locating creatures from another plane. Just make sure you don’t mix up your quarry with MHX, I doubt she’d be happy to see you.

Cons:

While medium armor does a solid enough job of protecting you, your HP is pretty low for a front line fighter, with barely over 120 HP. You’re here for a good time, not a long time.

As always, mixing spells and rage is pretty bad, forcing you to choose one or the other. That’s especially painful because it means you can’t use your neat gish spells to add effects if you want to deal more damage. Kind of like your smites, when I think about it.

Your paladin, barbarian, and ranger features all want use of your bonus action, meaning it will take a while for you to get up to full speed in a fight anyway. I’d definitely rage first, it’d help with the squishiness.

[atopearth]

Brothers Conflict (Passion Pink) Part 7 - Asahina Fuuto Route

Honestly, Fuuto has the worst first impression, but I love his soundtrack theme, so I hope I start to eventually like him lol. I mean, I don't blame him for getting annoyed at Ema for causing him to wake up, but yeah his words are way too harsh lol. Lmao at him threatening Ema to make him a hot milk tea by saying he'll dob on her to Ukyo if she doesn't. It's actually really cute how annoyed Ema is with him considering how patient she usually is so I'm liking this haha. I guess the unrealistic thing would be Ema asking Fuuto out on the weekend after that first meeting tbh lol. At least he had a nice attitude when Ema gave him a birthday present and was the first to say happy birthday to him haha. Omgg all this time for the family trip, I didn't even realise Iori stayed in the cottage to study for his exams!! And Ukyo reading is very him lol. Fuuto reading his drama script and then calling Ema a clueless idiot wearing a bikini around guys was like geez!! Glad both Ukyo and Iori reprimanded him. But wow, when he said they should be grateful/appreciative of him coming here when he's so busy and needs to go film a drama tomorrow made me want to punch him. Like I understand that yeah, it's nice that he came even when he's got to be stressed preparing for it, but taking it out on others and expecting them to always be considerate and accommodating of him when he isn't the same towards others makes me so mad. Is it puberty? Is it because he’s just a pain in the ass? Will I survive this Fuuto before he "gets better"? Lol.

HAHAHA when Ukyo outed him for trying to be cool by saying he wanted iced black coffee like Iori when he usually puts a lot of syrup in it😂😂 I guess despite his harsh words, he is relatively interested in Ema and just doesn't know how to show it without saying something aggravating like a child lol. Lmao when Ema said it's okay to Fuuto and said that she'll take her drink with syrup as well to make him feel better😂😂 Dangg, I'll admit that Fuuto does look good in a yukata though. It's actually kinda hilarious how Fuuto bothered to call Ema when she didn't reply fast enough to his message about knowing she went to see him film his drama hahahaha. It's kinda cute how he lectured her but you could tell he was happy that she was interested and thought he looked cool haha. I guess it's kinda cute how much he teases Ema on the dates lol. Fuuto holding Ema's hand at the aquarium is like wow, I guess he does have a good head on his shoulders and is aware of his surroundings but still hahaha, what if a crazy fangirl found him😂 Considering how important it is to take care of his face, Fuuto going with Ema to the zoo on a sunny day is actually really nice lol, at least they can go see the nocturnal animals haha. Honestly not a fan of Fuuto, but I do think it's pretty funny when he does stuff like tease her about giving her his body as thanks for being considerate to him and leaving the amusement park when some fans notice him. He really can't be honest at all haha.

It was kinda expected that Fuuto would want to become an actor considering how seriously he takes it, so hopefully it works out for him. He really puts in a lot of effort in his work and probably lets out all his stress and becomes spoiled at home lol. I honestly have to bow down to Ema for how patient and nice she is towards Fuuto especially when he demands food from her after work lol. But I guess seeing him open up to Ema about his career goals is sweet. I think it was nice to see him really appreciate Ema for understanding how serious he is about becoming an actor, and even thank her!! Super cute how they watched a movie in his room together btw. Lmao at Fuuto asking Ema to go with his wishes every now and then (since he said he wanted to be alone with Ema longer and just ignore Yusuke ringing his doorbell) and Ema is like, this happens all the time, everything you say is an "order"😂😂😂 That's exactly what I was thinking lmao. But I do appreciate that this time his selfish whim is a nice one where he just wants to spend more time with her haha.

LMAO when Ema said her body felt heavy (probably sick), and Fuuto was like, you mean you got fat?😂😂😂 At least he was nice and said don't worry about the chores and just rest after telling her it was just a joke. Awww Rui is cool, I like how he took a photo of Ema's outfit and sent it to Fuuto, I understand Ema, it's hard to say no to Rui’s face when he's like that hahaha. On the other hand, loll at Fuuto immediately replying and then calling Ema saying he wants her to wear the costume personally for him in his room later lolll. Lmaooo when Ema started thinking if it was okay for her to take the costume home, she really does want to wear it for him😂 It was actually kind of cute when Fuuto said to go to a cafe and eat a parfait after realising Ema was tired from shopping around, he's so tsundere though lolll, full tries to deny it when Ema says thank you hahaha. Okay, wow, Ema prepared breakfast for Fuuto in his room?? It has a kitchen??? Are all their rooms that huge??? Well, they are rich I guess lol. It's so like Fuuto to cheer Ema up by saying he likes her stupid face when she doesn't think about anything and is just smiling more than her crying face hahaha. It was kinda obvious but Fuuto saying that he doesn't need family and can live with just himself but understands that not everyone is like that was kinda..sad? Like I guess I get it because for him, his main focus is on his career and he doesn't feel like he wants to "waste" his time on family stuff, but still, I guess he's young though, and him spending time looking for Ema and cheering her up should kinda help him realise that having someone there for you can be very comforting. I liked it when Fuuto told Ema that there was no need for her to apologise (after she realised he pushed back his work to look for her) because he decided to do that, he was the one who made the decision to look for her instead, and I think that's a good attitude! He even apologised for not being able to stay with her, has he matured🥺 It was so cute how he told her to be a good girl and wait for him to come back haha.

Okay, I didn't expect Fuuto to be so honest and tell her how cute she is and stuff when she was comparing herself to the actress in the drama he was in. I guess him telling her to close her eyes and then whispering it in her ear and stuff made it all the more sexier🥲 I'm so confused, on one hand, I'm like, he's 15 lol, totally not my type, but I do think he is kinda cute with Ema in their own way loll. Awww it was so cute how Fuuto invited Ema to his Christmas Eve concert and even gave her first row tickets. I kinda liked how he wrote a song kinda appreciating her and how much she has to deal with how "troublesome" he can be, and then he even showed her his stage outfit afterwards hahah. He is pretty cool though lol. Aww it's so sad how things aren't working well for Fuuto. He's probably too nervous about getting his first lead role in a drama and worried that if he doesn't get a good box office record, he won't be able to transfer into becoming an actor. I'm glad Ema told him that everyone has pressure when it comes to their jobs and that even though the things they face are different, no one has run away like he is trying to. It's nice to see Fuuto understand that he took his idol career "lightly", so now that it's come to his dream, he got stressed and scared, but by solidifying his determination with her words, he's starting to realise that he really doesn't want to give up so easily. It's also cool to see that now Fuuto wants to face all his work seriously, whether it be idol work or acting work.

I'll forgive Fuuto for waking Ema up at night lol, seeing cherry blossoms at night is so romantic!! Honestly, a lot of the chats can get pretty repetitive with how Fuuto jokes about sexual stuff making Ema get embarrassed and then he laughs at her for taking it seriously all the time lol. Anyway, it's cute how Fuuto chose to go to Ema's high school so he could be next to her. Seeing them get to go home together is so nice~ I think that's totally worth going to high school for haha, since he didn't really want to go and wanted to focus on acting, but his company told him that he should at least finish high school. Fuuto buying one ice cream cone so he can share it with Ema is so him lol. I like how Fuuto has been practically telling her he likes her by saying he doesn't do stuff like this with others and that he doesn't think of her as his sister, because it is about time for Ema to be more open with her feelings too considering how honest he is. It's too bad that Fuuto didn't do good enough to transfer to an acting career, but he's still young so he's still got many chances, and he can improve even more, and I think Ema really cheered him up well, especially since he's going to be even more serious now, so his effort will (hopefully) be recognised. Not like he can be an idol forever anyway~ I think it's sweet that Fuuto recognises how risky it is to be so close to Ema and want to touch her etc, especially since he's doing this at school too loll, but he doesn't feel like himself without her and her encouragement, and I think that's pretty sweet haha. We got the kiss at the ending, yay!

Overall, I wanted to like Fuuto but I think the events such as birthdays and New Years really made it feel like two steps forward and then two steps backward when it came to Ema's relationship with him. One moment, I really like how he reveals more of his inner self to Ema and even shows how much he appreciates her, but then another moment he goes back to the annoying brat that berates all his brothers and treats Ema like a cooking maid and it frustrates me to no end when I see it lol. So honestly, even though he's mostly all right as the story progresses, and I really like how passionate he is about his career and how hard he's working in his own way, and how kindly Ema supports him, his attitude still kills me lol. I still found it cute how he would open up and show his appreciation to her such as through the concert and later on with his words, as well as doing stuff like showing her cherry blossoms, but yeah I’m kinda sad that there weren’t any events to show him learning to appreciate his brothers more, especially Ukyo. Oh well. He’s still a pain in the ass every now and then, but he’s kinda cute too, so it was all right route I guess haha, definitely not one of my favourites though lol.

[love-geeky-fangirl]

Ranking every teen drama I've watched

I have gotten really into teen dramas lately, because it's quarantine I can't go out and have fun, but I can still watch other people my age going out and having fun and doing things I don't get to do. Anyway I haven't seen all teen dramas, I was never interested in supernatural ones, so you won't find Vampire Diaries and similar shows on this list.

From worst to best:

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

I will never understand how this show ran for five seasons. It will forever remain a mystery to me. This show is so bad it's good. The writing resembles a wattpad story, Amy's pregnancy is inconsistent (like how was she five months pregnant for like five or six episodes, aren't the episodes supposed to be set a week apart?), the acting is bad (that is not to say that Molly Ringwald or Shailene Woodley are bad actresses, obviously they're not, I'm talking about Amy's sister that has the same facial expression no matter what her mood is supposed to be), some of the views this show expresses are very old-fashioned and damaging (the madonna-whore binary, the fact that they can't even utter the word abortion) and every single male character on this show is a creep and a cheater. I can't believe I watched like thirteen episodes of this. I will never get that time back.

Weirdest moment: "I'm a whore!" "Well, you're my whore." (Was this supposed to be romantic??)

Best moment: none

Glee

This is going to be unpopular and don't get me wrong, I like Glee, but I feel like the writers put much more thought into the musical numbers than the storylines. Again, Quinn's pregnancy is inconsistent (but I'm starting to think TV shows are always inconsistent about pregnancies), the characters don't look like they're in high school at all, the cheerleaders wear their uniforms 24/7 for no reason (Quinn even wore it to her sonogram, like seriously?) the whole celibacy club thing is weird and Mr Schue is a terrible teacher. However, the visuals and the musical numbers are great, Sue Sylvester is iconic (albeit also a terrible teacher) and some of the scenes are really emotional (Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand made my sister cry) so overall, it's pretty good.

Weirdest moment: Finn praying to grilled cheese (what??)

Best moment: Quinn giving birth to Bohemian Rhapsody, Kurt singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Dawson's Creek

I LOVE their 90s' outfits and Joey and Pacey are really otp material, but I just can't stand Dawson! He got mad that Joey didn't tell him about his mother's affair, as if it was her place to get involved. She was 15! It's understandible she didn't want to get tangled into that mess. He also slut-shamed Jen in a really gross way. He literally stopped talking to her for a day when he found out she isn't a virgin. Why are both Joey and Jen into this guy?? This would've been a much better show if it was called Joey's Creek or Pacey's Creek.

Weirdest moment: the way Dawson's mom confessed her affair to her husband. I don't think any irl human would use this choice of words. Also that scene where Dawson's father was teaching him how to kiss while Joey was watching. Cringe.

Best moment: any time Joey and Pacey are bickering. My shipper heart!

Pretty Little Liars

I loved the book version of this, but the TV version seems way too dramatic. First of all, they romanticized Aria and Ezra's relationship (ewww) and made the whole thing seem much more overdramatic. I don't know how to explain it, I mean the books are also dramatic but the TV show somehow took it to a whole new level. None of the girls look like they're in high school, but I love the way they dress and do their makeup. It's almost as though the writers put more thought into their outfits than storylines. I still loved watching it until Netflix took it off, though.

Weirdest moment: Spencer somehow trying to block A's number from her laptop in the middle of a park and then being confused that it didn't work. Weren't you supposed to be the smart one, Spencer?

Best moment: Haleb in the shower, hiding from Hanna's mom.

Skins

This is a classic. Effy is iconic (I somehow heard about her even before watching Skins) and the musical number at the end of season 1 was out of nowhere but still somehow fit perfectly into the story. I also give this show point for being one of the few TV shows where teen characters are actually played by real life teens. They look their age, talk their age (no "I reject reality" or other cringy lines like that) and aren't unrealistically perfect like characters from American teen dramas tend to be. They look like people you might actually meet in high school. However the show loses points for all the continuity errors (are 8 episodes supposed to be the whole school year??) and the number of unneccessary death/tragic accidents. It seemed kind of over-the-top and unneccessarily dark and brutal at times.

Weirdest moment: Chris's graphic death

Best moment: Wild World

Euphoria

The Gen Z American version of Skins, but with better visuals. Much better. I loved the aesthetic, the colors, the lighting and glitter. Zendaya's a great actress and I give this show points for casting an actual trans actress in the role of Jules. However I find it weird that all guys on this show are complete irredeemable assholes (except of Jules's dad and Ethan that is). Are we supposed to just root for the girls and not the guys? Also I find it hard to believe that any of these characters are actually 16/17. They have sex all the time (yeah teenagers have sex sometimes but on this show they treated Kat as some kind of a chaste nun for being a virgin at 16) and have seemingly no rules and no curfew. It would've been much more believable if they were in college.

Weirdest moment: Nate breaking into Tyler's house, beating him up and then taking a shower. The audacity this guy has!

Best moment: "You did this to me!" and Rue having an anxiety attack on the stage in theater class

Gossip Girl

I know this is also an unpopular opinion, because many claim Gossip Girl is the best teen drama ever, but for me it just got way too soapy as the seasons went on. The first two seasons were believable, even though they didn't really look like they were in high school, but after that it was just more and more weird plot points. I will give this show points for the fashion (I mean Blair's headbands and school uniform inspired a fashion line), the acting ("I killed someone"- iconic) and the choice of background music (Nate and Serena kissing to Paparazzi, Thanksgiving with Watcha Say). Despite the wild twists and turns of events, I just had to keep watching because this show had me hooked.

Weirdest moment: Bart Bass somehow flying off the building for no reason (seriously, what he did there had no logical explanation and defied laws of physics), Dan being Gossip Girl, Bart faking his death and returning more evil than before, Serena becoming Gossip Girl, the affidavit, everyone randomly stopping going to college... there are so many but Bart takes the cake I guess

Best moment: the Thanksgiving flashbacks from season 1, Dan placing a plastic crown on Blair's head

Freaks and Geeks

This is one of the few shows where high school is depicted realistically. It's not all glitter and parties and not everyone has sex and does drugs. Okay, I admit, the bullying was over the top and it was weird how no adults cared but other than that, it was pretty spot-on. It was emotional without being too dramatic and far-fetched and also had funny moments. Yes some of the characters may have been stereotypes but at least the show seemed self-aware of that. It's truly a shame we only got 18 episodes of this show, while The Secret Life of the American Teenager somehow got five seasons??? I don't get it.

Weirdest moment: when Cindy suddenly got super mean once she started dating Sam

Best moment: Daniel showing up at Kim's doorstep, Sam breaking down in tears in the end of 'Garage Door'

Gilmore Girls

I'm not sure this one counts as a teen drama, maybe it's more of a dramedy but I'm still including it here. It's funny, the dialogue is witty and full of obscure pop-culture references and the relationships between generations complex. Same as with Freaks and Geeks, the portrayal of high school is pretty realistic. Characters are shown studying and taking tests and not just partying all the time. However the show loses points for getting weirdly soapy in the 7th season. The dialogue wasn't as good and the camera angles were soap opera like and the storylines weren't very good either. You could really tell the show changed show-runners. The earlier seasons are the best. It's hard to explain but something about them feels cozy like a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on a rainy day.

Weirdest moment: Lorelai marrying Chris and then making the whole "you're the man I want to want" speech, Lorelai defending and loving Dean for no reason

Best moment: Rory's graduation speech, Rory yelling at Chris and calling him out for not having been there for her, Then She Appeared, "Yes Emily, you may go first"... there are so many!