#i’m just saddened that the outcome of all of this is because of choices HE made

[dweebalina]

i was telling my sister that i just don’t get why all of this is happening and she said “maybe this was a lesson for him to learn and we’re just npc’s”. i was like hmm maybe so. maybe he needs to learn to think before he acts. maybe he needs to learn that exercising caution doesn’t mean you’re afraid. he has this thing where he says he is not afraid of ANYTHING, so i think that he thinks that being cautious means you’re scared. but sometimes it’s just having sense. on his last day here with us, it was about 7 pm and the sun was setting and he had suggested that we go to the river by my house. me and my brother were both like nahh there are no lights over there and it will be getting dark soon, and he was like y’all scared? no stupid why would we go walking by a river when it’s getting dark and there are no lights? and we’ve driven over the bridge over the river at night and you can’t see ANYTHING. you would have no clue that there’s even a river under you. but to him, being cautious means being afraid, so he isn’t cautious. not that this situation was caused by him not careful, but just that he needs to take a step back and look at his self and how he thinks and how this impacts his life and other people

[nightfall-kachiniko]

Hey! I really liked your Annie angst where she hits the reader and wanted to request one where it's the same idea but just with Mikasa? Thanks a lot!

HAHA YES IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

“A broken promise ” Mikasa x Reader. || Chapter 1. Oᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ!

this contains spoilers for the manga of AOT. || rumbling spoilers ahead||

You walked into your both’s shared bedroom to find Mikasa staring at herself in the mirror, her eyes sad as she looking down at her feet as she laid against the mirror. Her back faced you. Your arms crept around her waist, hugging her strong body as you cuddled you head into the back of her shoulder. “Please.. come back to me..” you softly whispered for the both of you to hear. “Your so distant yet… so close..” you hugged her tighter as you embraced her presence.

Mikasa pushed you off of her after a while, and started to walk out of the room. “You make me sick.”

Hours passed since your encounter with your girlfriend.

You couldn’t stand just letting this happen. Your relationship was slowly but surely being torn apart, weather or not mikasa was realizing it or not. Could she not care about you anymore? Her attitude changed Jurassic-ally ever since Eren told Her he hated her, which to your dismay you turned your back on him, saying that Mikasa deserved better.

You finally built up the courage to talk to her directly, as you made your way through the airship, coming out of your dorm. The common area was a wide open space, couches and a new thing from Marley that had just been discovered by the people of paradis, something called a “television.”

You turned your way to the room next to it, a small conference room. The room was long with a small glass table, a bookshelf, and a fireplace with couches. The woman stood at the bookshelf’s in the back of the room, looking at one of them.

“This has been going on for way to long,” you said to the raven haired woman, her gaze now looking at you with her eyes stern. “What happened to you?” All she could do was roll her eyes, not saying a word. “I know how attached you are to him, and I don’t want that to happen either, but I’m just saying, it’s a possible outcom-“

“No it isn’t,”

She said fiercely. “Mikasa , you have to accept the fact eren has changed,” “No he hasn’t!” Her voice got louder, to your surprise. “You act as though you knew him for your whole life, he will stop this rumbling,”

“And what if he doesn’t?”

“He will,”

“Your in denial”

“Maybe I’m so in denial because all you’ve done is try to bring me down for these past few weeks!” Your girlfriend yelled, “All you’ve done is hate on Eren all this damn time!”

“Mikasa are you fucking NUTS?! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HATED YOU!”

“He doesn’t mean that,”

“Are you sure mikasa? Think about everything he’s done to you.” There was a pause before you added, “think about everything he’s done to us,”

Mikasa shut the book closed, tossing it on a nearby table.

“Shut up,”

She gritted her teeth at you before pitching the bridge of her nose.

“What happened to you?” You asked her sadly,

“Absolutely nothing,”

“Everything changed,”

“NOTHING ABOUT ME CHANGED!” Mikasa screamed at you, pounding her fist on the wall. “Mikasa .. listen to yourself! You used to never be like this! You were so sweet and caring, and then Eren changed, and so did you.”

She went quiet, an irritated look on her face. The Airship you and the rest of the cadets were on, soared through the air. The thing they call ‘a flying boat’ letting off steam as it flew. Towards Marley you headed, where the rumbling was occurring. Eren had already planned this whole ideal out behind the Survey Corps backs, his mean demeanor changing the person who you barley can recognize, you girlfriend.

“You never used to yell at me the way you do now,” you said as her breathing got heavier with anger.

“We used to be inseparable, now look at us. Ever since the rumbling started and Eren actually going through with his plan, you slowly started drifting away from me. And at first I understood why.”

She looked at you, the woman’s eyes still as stern as they could ever be, giving you a violent but silent glare.

“And then you became mean.. and aggressive.”

She started stepping towards you, her eyes bloodshot with anger, “you don’t understand because you never took the time to listen!,”

“All you did was push me away! Every time I tried to help! You treated me like your punching bag!” Your girlfriend moved towards you aggressively, making you hesitant to stay put. Your girlfriend looked at you dead in the eyes and for a slight moment, you swore you could see a tear forming. “I became aggressive? Yoru kidding me! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU JUST GOING TO ACT LIKE THIS ISNT A SERIOUS SITUATION! I TRIED TO BE NICE FOR THE LONGEST TIME!

“You are NOT the same woman I feel in love with!” Your voice trailed into her ears. Your heart heavy as your words spilled out. “Oh yeah? Then maybe you weren’t in love with me at all.”

“Mikasa you know that isn’t true,”

“I tried protecting ALL OF YOU! AND LOOK WHERE WE END UP! SASHA’S DEAD! COMMANDER HANJI IS DEAD! “

“Yeah and the same person you’re defending is the cause of their deaths.”

“Eren wouldn’t do this.” She stated. Your head filled with irritation. ‘Why can’t she just accept it?!’

“Are you kidding me?! WAKE UP! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING AROUND YOU!?” you yelled, “EREN IS KILLING, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE!” your voice cracked out. The pain that you bared because of your friends actions was one you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. No matter how many days would linger past, the fact that Eren, the boy who you once knew when he was running around playing tag with you and the rest of your group, is now a mass murderer.

“we don’t have to kill him-“

“MIKASA WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT HE’S DOING!? EREN IS JUST AS GUILTLY AS REINER AND BERTOLDT!”

“SHUT UP!” Her voice raised with irrational and anger. “YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE THAT DECISION!”

“You aren’t LISTENING! EVEN JEAN SAID THAT WOULD BE BEST! I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM BABY I REALLY DONT BUT WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO!”

“DAMNIT I SAID STOP!”

And just like that a loud crash noise was heard. The swift movement of a fist collided with the side of your face, the power containing it sending you falling back and into the glass coffee table behind you. You didn’t even realize what had just happened. You didn’t want to believe what just happened. You stared up at your girlfriend who’s face turned from anger to complete horror, her hand over her mouth as she stared at the damage she just caused. And boy was it bad.

The sting of redness on your face started to bleed droplets of blood. Soaking through your broken skin as a large red colored bruise begin to form. Tears started welting up in your e/c orbs. The sadness washed over you as you saw the woman who was suppose to love you, show an action of hatred that you never knew she could do. She hit you. She hurt you.

Heavy and frantic footsteps were heard rushing to the door of the conference room. The door swung open and there stood your best friend, Armin Artlert. “I-is everything okay!? I heard glad breaking!” He said, worried. His eyes looked around the room. The salty pieces of water flooded down your face as you choked on your tears.

Armin’s face went dead, he couldn’t believe it either. “Y-y/n.. baby.. oh g-god honey i-“ Mikasa couldn’t even form words. Hell SHEE couldn’t even believe she did that.

“W-wha-“ armin barley got out when you rushed to the door, pushing armin aside and ran back to your dorm room. “Y-y/n!” Armin tried calling out to you as your dorm slammed shut. You sinking to the floor crying.

Armin stared at Mikasa, “W-what happened?” His eyes saddened. “I..” Mikasa couldn’t get out any words, her face still in shock. “I hit them…” she managed to get out. “O-oh god I- I hit them,” her eyes filled tears as Armin pulled her into a hug. “I-I’m so sorry.. I-I’m so sorry…”

You laid on the floor after sinking down to the ground, slamming your door shut. Wiping your tears away with your hands, you looked at your both’s shared bedroom. Studying the interior. Thinking back on the time Mikasa promised you how she’d always be there for you, how she promised that she’d never hurt you. She promised when you both had your first kiss. She kept that promise and always kept it for so long, never once breaking it. Your numb body looked over at the ticking clock.

The thoughts that ran through your head as you watched the clock tick, and with every second you couldn’t bear to accept the fact, Her promise was broken.

Kachiniko || My Blog || What I write || 06/06/21

Chapter 2 “The conclusion”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[driftverse]

ok guys. here’s the deal.

I’ve been putting off making this comic for a very long time telling myself “I’ll do something with it eventually” and I KNOW that I’m literally never going to finish it and I have no motivation to finish it. it sucks, because I was kind of happy with what I came up with for the conclusion back in 2019, but I just have no desire to dedicate time working on something that just isn’t vibing anymore for me and also caused me a lot of stress in trying to crank it out.

some of you probably saw this coming, seeing what happened to my other utmv comics, but I’m just not in the game anymore. if I had somehow managed to get this all out while utmv was still in the exploding process and while I was still into it (which also happened to be while I was still in college, which made it impossible as it was), it might have taken off more, but life just didn’t work out that way and I want to not worry about this anymore.

anyway, here’s basically what was going to go down. I didn’t plan to make the comic long, but at the point that it got to, it was about halfway done.

- the driftverse story -

nightmare and dream have been mysteriously combined into one person, under the identity of drifter. unconscious of this, they coexist as a single individual, until suddenly, they remember that they were once separate and split into separate consciousnesses with shared control of the body.

the two of them decide to venture forth and figure out the truth behind this mystery. how did they combine? was someone responsible for this? protagonist syndrome conveniently leads them exactly where they need to go, and after wasting time in underswap for 2 seconds and arguing the entire time, they go to xtale to discover that it isn’t a wasteland, and does, in fact, still exist.

after bumping into some teenager presumed to be cross, nightmare, who is in control of the body, attempts to make conversation, and then xgaster shows up and reacts kind of violently to their presence. dream takes over and makes them run away. nightmare and dream continue to internally bicker, and now they’re being chased by mystery boy, whose name is apparently wing and not cross. after dream insults nightmare to his face, nightmare gets very mad and basically gets them caught on purpose and also tells wing that his name is nightmare instead of drifter because dream and nightmare are both immature and stupid.

now we’re all caught up. the drifter condominium gets pushed into xgaster’s house, are told to take a seat at the table, and after a few tense greetings between two people who both talk like rich snobs, xgaster tells nightmare (who is still in control) that he knows who he is, and that his name is “drifter”. nightmare laughs it off. wing mentions that he was told that his name was nightmare, not drifter. xgaster’s expression has turned indescribably murdery, and nightmare continues to try playing it off while dream has a goddamn stroke in his head. xgaster tells wing to leave the room, and though he does, he waits outside the door and listens.

nightmare keeps trying to act like he doesn’t know anything even though xgaster vaguely interrogates him, mentioning that he should be “guarding the tree like he’s supposed to.” nightmare doesn’t budge until xgaster asks him why he’s ‘on a break’ for the first time in five centuries, and why he visited his world of all places, suggesting that he may be looking for answers.

nightmare and dream realize, by convenient memory plot glitches, that the reason they are one person is because of overwrite, and that xgaster is responsible for everything.

xgaster comments that he’s disappointed this outcome hasn’t worked out either, but he believes that progress is being made, although he’s saddened by the fact that he needs to start over again. nightmare explodes, demanding what gives him the right to toy with his and dream’s lives.

“you’re very naive, aren’t you? tell me, was it not my work and effort that saved you from your own incompetence? tell me it has not saved you from your inevitable mistake–a mistake that would affect the entire pitiful multiverse forever to come,” xgaster says, and it strikes a nerve in nightmare. “the only way you two will ever coexist is by coexisting by force.”

nightmare doesn’t even know what to think. he suggests that, perhaps, he has been saved from his mistake, but now he’s learned his lesson, got his memories back, and he can be separated from dream again. xgaster denies this, telling him that they can only coexist if they’re not aware of the past–aka continuing to live as one identity. xgaster brings up overwrite, about to reset everything again.

plot twist, wing was, in fact, listening the whole time, and xgaster’s villainous monologing has recovered all of his memories too. he runs in and stabs xgaster with his magic, and his personality suddenly seems different. xgaster starts blabbering about how wing was supposed to be the perfect son and that his coding had never failed him before. if you haven’t figured it out already, wing is a combination of ink and cross, just like dream and nightmare getting mashed together, and now ink has taken control and he’s not very happy that xgaster turned him into this against his will. “give it up for the world’s greatest asshole, and for once, it isn’t me!”

xgaster, after healing himself with overwrite, continues his villainous monologing, calling all of them fools for disregarding his judgment, telling them that what he’s doing is for the better of the whole multiverse. ink tells him yeah, sure, maybe things could be better, but then calls xgaster out on his perfectionism and tells him that perfect doesn’t exist, and it’s not funny anymore.

ink continues to suggest the possibility of taking overwrite from xgaster somehow to split them all up again. the three of them have a brief one-sided fight scene while xgaster teleports around the room and they pretty much destroy everything. xgaster is like “I have the power of a god, you can’t stop me,” and while this is going down, dream, still in the depths of subconscious, has a realization. they have access to the power of a god too.

dream and nightmare argue about this, dream suggesting taking the power of the tree and nightmare calling him an idiot, especially because xgaster could probably just undo it. dream says that, if they manage to get overwrite away from xgaster with it, they can just turn themselves back to normal. watching wing fight xgaster and get his ass kicked, nightmare is conflicted, but eventually concedes and tells dream that this is his responsibility only and he refuses to be the one who makes that choice.

dream takes control and they leave, xgaster and ink noticing and continuing to talk. after xgaster tells ink that there’s no point to resisting him, because ink knows inside how this is going to end, xgaster reveals to ink that none of this was even his idea.

putting nightmare and dream together, and putting ink and cross together, he says, was all dream’s idea in the beginning. to stop nightmare from taking the tree’s power, and to stop ink and error from fighting–error, who was implied to have never been created–they were all put together, and dream was to blame. ink takes this with a grain of salt, but this was all true.

from this point onward, the narrative gets foggy, because the script ends here. after fighting through the angry mobs of dreamtale that exist for some reason, dream consumes the power of the tree and plans to fight xgaster, but unfortunately he’s consumed by the overwhelming power because he’s kind of weak-willed. while he hunts down xgaster again, destroys him and likely takes overwrite for himself (note that he has the full power of the tree, and not just a percentage of it, so he’s basically in godmode), he and nightmare regain all of their former memories. turns out dream is partially to blame for nightmare’s original ‘life-ruining’ decision, thanks to his ignorance and insistent insensitivity.

their thoughts still separate, and nightmare still horrified at the events that have been taking place for the last while, he wonders why dream is silent and why he won’t tell him what’s happening. without a word, and a solemn expression on his face, dream overwrites everything again, creating a new rendition of the rewritten timeline rather than turning everything back to normal, and that was where the story was going to end.

so, yeah. the story wasn’t ever planned to have a happy ending. the cycle repeats, memories being lost, lives being manipulated and unqualified people playing god.

anyway, thank you for reading this comic while it was in the works!

[honkster]

Why the Dream SMP’s way of storytelling is IMPOSSIBLE to recreate in any other medium.

This has been in the back of my mind for the longest time. I think I finally got it.

People have talked about this before, and they’ve put forward some good points, and good for them – most of them are correct. It’s the way the ccs interact with each other, it’s how plot is mixed in with banter, that’s all good! I wanna put more out there.

So you know how you open a book to read, you start a new show, you sit down to watch a movie – that’s all produced by some sort of company, someone who made it specifically for you to enjoy. You expect a certain dramatic flair to it, certain cinematic choices, certain ways of writing, certain camera angles, certain reactions to things. That’s just ingrained expectations of things now.

The DSMP? Doesn’t have that.

The low expectations work very much in its favor. It’s a Minecraft role-playing server with a bunch of famous youtubers/streamers, who are all good friends and have great dynamics with each other. So when you expect “just another Minecraft video” but in stream form, or you watch the videos because there are certain people in them, you don’t expect to be dropped into extreme lore and sensitive topics, realistic situations proposed in game form, a combination of serious stuff and just fun times with friends goofing around – and you’re pleasantly surprised.

We, the fandom, are used to it a bit more now. How excellently they manage to make a serious story in such a “ridiculous” medium, how much it affects us all and gets our creative juices flowing. But even the ccs can’t predict some of the things that happen. And that’s fun.

The whole election ending the way it has? That was on us. And it made some of the most angsty content there has been in the DSMP. People still theorize about the arc and make connections to now – that’s pog!

Fundy being adopted by Eret – that sparked the whole “Fundy just wants a dad – let’s get him some love” thing that made FundyWasTaken and other Fundy+someone ships happen. I see a different person paired with Fundy every week, and somehow, I agree with all of them. I really got into Fundy because of that stream where Eret “slept through the adoption” and Fundy confronted his real dad and spent time with his granddad. That little stream gave us more insight into Fundy’s whole character (Nevermind Fundy showing off his acting skills – you go you funky little fox), but also justifies some of his actions now. DryWaters? Wanting to kill Technoblade? Fucked up reasons, but we still love him.

Phil being broken out of house arrest ahead of time – still made a great stream and Phil agreeing with Techno’s want for revenge – that made us all very happy. The SBI!!! The AE! And that’s also a thing!

That even if we do know or have predicted what’s going to happen, begged it out of the ccs basically, it is still incredibly fun to watch. Where some books/shows/movies fall short and reveal too much and end up being “too predictable”, they’re not fun anymore. I read this somewhere before, that sometimes holding back EVERYTHING from the reader, and relying on shock value to make a good story is just bad. Whereas if you progress the story naturally and let the reader make some predictions of their own and then they end up being right – that’s a lot of serotonin right there. It’s the re-readability that makes it slightly better the second time.

The DSMP takes this concept and fucking yeets with it. Letting fans engage in the story, letting them theorize and then be right, even acknowledging the fanart that was made, just engaging with the community that their roleplay created – that makes it so much more fun. I bet that even if the whole script was revealed to the fandom we would still watch every plot stream. Even if we knew vaguely what happens in the stream, we would tune in and enjoy every second of it. Because the ccs are just that good, we love them that much, we love this plot that much.

Oh and the unpredictability helps too. Tommy in exile was the vague concept of a lot of the streams – it’s taken that and ran with it in a lot of different directions. All quite enjoyable.

Having said all of that… The fact that this type of telling a story is impossible to recreate in any other medium is… kinda saddening? It is incredibly unique, and I’d say has things that not a lot of the people that produce mainstream media would even consider. “Just friends hanging out” – how would that make the script progress? “Engagement with the fandom, even considering their wishes for the characters” – but we’re telling a story here!

The only thing I can think of that would come close to the vibe, would be just a bunch of writer friends coming together, thinking up a universe and general plot, and then each deciding to write a few of their own characters in that universe. When one author focuses on their main characters, the side ones can feel left in the dust, or not fleshed out. The DSMP is just “every character can write their own story”, which takes a lot of the strain from the “main writers”. But the general thing of “just friends hanging out” would be taken away from it. We’re being serious here, why would we change the tone so quick?

With all of that in mind… I kinda wanna make some predictions? And I don’t know if they’re correct, but it’s fun to theorize. See?

1. L’manburg will die.

And not just because Techno has 54 withers. The country is cursed – it definitely is. There is little sentimental value that can be felt for a few flimsy stilts built on top of a crater. It might go out in a blaze of glory, with the withers (Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?), but it might just be forgotten. Yeah there have been some angsty headcanons about how “no one cares about L’manburg anymore, save for two people” and it just gets abandoned, but how about it just becoming irrelevant?

This all comes back to Dream, it always does! His want, need for the server to be “one happy family again”, it just means one thing. He wants the server to return to the peaceful anarchy that it was before L’manburg. No rulers, no factions, no nothing.

That’s never going to happen.

Try as he might, Dream cannot affect that change that L’manburg did to the server. The introduction of a faction, one that can exist without the interference of a higher power – why do you think so many factions have sprouted up since? And it’s not even serious factions a lot of the time, it’s just a few friends deciding to build their bases on a plot of land that they claim is a nation now. L’manburg has changed the mindset of these people, now an alliance with somebody is a political move. An alliance doesn’t exist if it doesn’t have a faction, and that faction can remain neutral for only so long.

Basically, L’manburg introduced the factions mod into the server.

And the fact that every faction now has enough relevance to hold weight in a war also means that every nation on the server is doomed to follow the downfall of L’manburg. Eventually, they will get into a fight they can’t win, go up against the wrong people, anger someone they shouldn’t have. All factions will either be destroyed, or lose relevance, until their creators, residents and such just… move on.

(And really you can go into meta and talk about real governments and compare them, but it’s far more simple than that. The server isn’t built for peace, it isn’t meant to be a relaxing place where you can just vibe, it may have been made for a few friends to play Minecraft together, but it has turned into An Author’s Curse. The curse that follows any kind of story being told – the fact that peace is boring. People watched the first streams of the DSMP because they liked the ccs, and that’s valid. But how many more people tuned in to watch the war streams because there was PLOT and there was CHAOS and there WASN’T CALM PEACE ANYMORE – that’s the curse of every writer. That you can write about someone just living their life drama-free, you can make interesting peace with characters or circumstances, but it’s always leading to one inevitable conclusion – war, drama, because people read that. And at this point, it’s just a predictable outcome. No matter how much you say that you are retired, that you’re done with violence (Technoblade), something will happen that will prove to you that you believed in people too much. No matter how “neutral” you may be in the matter, no matter how much you claim that you have no allegiance (Philza), you will be forced to pick one, because out of all the bad things, you pick the least worst one, the most appealing to you, the one that can benefit your want of revenge.

And I can go on, but this is far too deep for one simple reason – The Author’s Curse is so prevalent here because THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO STAKES. It’s a video game – you die? You respawn. Something gets destroyed? You can just rebuild. Sure, you’ll want to kill the person who did wrong to you, but whatever they did wrong can just be replaced, remade, recreated. So why not have wars? Why not cause massive amounts of destruction “for the plot”?

It’s literally a playground. How all authors have their little playground with their characters that they meticulously plan out, the DSMP is that playground for all of these people.

And it’s fun! Sure! I like it! I’m just really skeptical whenever someone in character says that they “just want peace”, “are retired”, “swear off violence”, “are building just a little city for themselves”. Because you can do that, nothing wrong. But eventually, no matter how much you distance yourself from all of the chaos happening, all of the wars, you will return.

Because it is just much more fun.

It’s the curse. A cursed cycle.

And everyone is in it.)

2. The prison.

I don’t have anything on the prison because I don’t have anything on the book. Yeah I’ve done a whole post where I overanalyze what it could be, but it doesn’t make it any clearer. Whatever it is, it’s made out to be a huge plot point, something that can only be revealed when the prison is finished.

Cursed. The prison’s reason for being constructed is the book, but the book is only relevant when the prison is finished. We can only wait, and theorize, as we do.

(My only theory is that the book is information about another op on the server. Or at least something related to op or creative mode. Dream only fears one thing on this server, and that’s Technoblade, so if his one fear is the most skilled player on the server, what else could give him existential fear?)

3. The SBI.

Again, I don’t have anything! Yeah the reunion seems to be going smoothly, one member at a time, but there is already conflict in their beliefs among each other. And all that’s happened is a vague “maybe one day we’ll strike”.

Is history repeating itself an interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

Is L’manburg’s destruction AGAIN really necessary to hammer home the idea that no one likes that place anymore?

I don’t know. Whatever happens, no one’s in the right. No one’s in the wrong either. They’re all not good people and that’s that on that.

4. The Clingy Duo.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

That’s all.

(Okay seriously? All of these arcs are connected. You know what happens when everything seems to be connected to one another?

A giant, dramatic final showdown between the two opposing sides.

Cause it’s just Chaos vs L’manburg. Those are the sides. People that want L’manburg to exist and people that want it gone. There are no other sides, there isn’t someone who’s like “Well maybe it can exist if we do this and this” cause no one wants to put in anymore effort into this cursed country. The only people were the clingy duo and now they’re separated and everyone is just leaving and Tommy is on the Chaos side like at this point he doesn’t care about L’manburg he just cares about Tubbo but he has to convince Tubbo to leave L’manburg but will Tubbo be convinced but will Tommy even consider leaving L’manburg and breaking free from its curse AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Goddamit.)

5. The Egg?

Dunno shit about it. Like the prison – it seems important, but we’re just not being given enough information. Is it a coincidence that the moment Dream commissioned the prison the Egg popped up? Or are the two directly related?

I don’t know. But as long as someone is finding ways to fight the Egg, that’s fantastic. Bad juju indeed.

6. Oh the Butcher Army want to kill Dream!

Hah.

Okay I’ve seen people make the case that the Army is just a bunch of people with trauma repeating the cycle of ab*se that they went through and yes.

Just yes.

And the fact that no one is actually looking at it that way and no one is there to like.. help them or even help them understand that what they are doing is just irrational, even though their reason for doing it and the result they hope to achieve is YES and the only thing that a lot of the people of the server who want peace should try to go for as well, they cannot stand up to Dream on their own. They just can’t, they will get punted into exile. They need allies, and they need powerful ones, people that have also been wronged by Dream and want him gone.

But the cycle continues, and no one knows where it ends.

(Okay but from a writing perspective? Getting rid of Dream is the end goal. It is the be all end all of all conflict, well… most of it, at least most that’s related to the supposed “good side”, or “the side that’s been most victimized”. But from the same perspective, that side is just… no longer. It has proven that is just as bad, if not worse than the final boss. I have to agree that Techno has to pay for his crimes, even though I like him a lot, but Techno did in fact cause insane damage. Yeah L’manburg rebuilt, yeah Wilbur probably caused more – still he isn’t completely free.

But that’s a discussion on morality more than laws.

L’manburg is doomed to die. Dream is doomed to be fought, and probably won against (simply because he has won far too many times already, you know how everyone seems to hate OP characters…). But the Butcher Army is doomed to fail against Dream. So how does that work?

Welp.

Is history repeating itself and interesting enough plot point to recycle a whole arc?

The answer is no.

I’ve repeated that question three times now, and the answer to it is no. No it is not. L’manburg can be destroyed again, and it can be rebuilt again, but the sentimentality that people feel for it will not remain. The cycle of history ends somewhere, and it’s not too far a fetch that it ends here.

So what happens when Technoblade, Philza and Tommy roll up to L’manburg with withers and a destruction wish, only to be met with a bunch of traumatized children with axes and a death wish?

Well, I’ll spare the details, but from a purely writing standpoint…

The two sides team up.

Think about it – The Butcher Army doesn’t care about Technoblade anymore. They’ve seen that Dream is the one pulling the strings, they know that even if they do care about trying to eliminate Technoblade again, they have to get rid of his strongest ally – Dream. But through their anger, they’ve lost their fear. You should fear Dream, he’s a fuckin op. Techno is correct in not wanting to go against him.

But after Tommy? After seeing the Butcher Army at their lowest, screeching about Dream being the villain?

Will Techno finally go past his thinking of “government is evil, always government is source of problem” and realize that Dream has the most evil government in mind for his rule?

I’m still kinda sad that Techno isn’t making the conclusions he should about Dream. But he’s starting to – and really, the SBI-Butcher Army team up is the most logical thing that could happen.

Watch me be completely wrong or miss something and I’ve got ALL of it wrong. I would love that.)

(Also it’s very funny to me that Dream is literally simping for Techno while he’s just here like “Listen bud I would stab you on sight if you didn’t have creative mode”. Dream KNOWS that Techno can and will kill him given the opportunity. Techno knows that that opportunity may never arise.

It’s a weird type of stalemate, to be sure. But goddamn is it interesting.)

Anyway... if you read through all of this... I could bake you a cookie? Thank you! I like to ramble.

[scenariosofkonoha]

For the Country| Tobirama- Arranged Marriage AU

Part 4/15

Part 1| ... | Part 5 | 

Masterlist

Word Count: 3.0k

Chapter Summary: Takes place the day before and day of the wedding. Others make their thoughts on this marriage evident. MC’s potentially losing a lot throughout the arrangment, and she makes sure that Tobirama and her are on the same page. Lol more angst, but he’s starting to understand her more. Next chapter is less angst; more cutesy.

“So they’re going to be cutting down on the amount of missions they send you on too?” a fellow kunoichi questioned, skepticism written blatantly across her face as she leaned back and sipped from her tea. “Makes me think that you did something to irritate them all,” she muttered as the cup met her lips. “But our precious little Y/N wouldn’t do such a thing, right?” she halfway teased. 

“Kira…” the bride sighed as she rolled her eyes at the latter comment. She was in one of the few places where she could let her guard down, so she was going to be as genuine as possible, putting aside her public facade. Holding her head up with her hand, she gave a gentle shake. “Honestly, I think the intentions behind it are altruistic from both sides, but the execution…” 

Kira narrowed her eyes, “I don’t know. Madara’s possessive over all of us, especially your family, because you are bloodlinked. It doesn’t make sense to just give you up like that…” she offered her perspective. “Plus, you are the Uchiha doctor and medical ninja. Does he really want our teams going out on dangerous missions without a trauma medical ninja?” 

“I already asked that, and he said that he was going to start sending the younger ones in. Apparently, I’m not going to be considered a trauma medical ninja anymore…” she said, her expression saddening as she delivered the news that she was losing one key part of her identity to assume this new one. 

Leaning forward, the friend blinked a few times, trying to process what had just been said. “I’m sorry, what?” she snapped, not registering this news. “I’m sorry, how are you not considered a trauma medical nin? You were literally trained in war. All you knew for a good majority of your career was trauma.” she started to become defensive over her companion.

The only answer Kira received was a shrug. “It’s a measure to try and ensure my survival for the village.”

Inhaling sharply, Kira looked across the table. “Look, Y/N. ” she began. Setting her cup down, she folded her hands. “I’m going to be upfront, because I don’t want you to suffer. When news broke that you were marrying the Senju, there was a lot of talk, and none of it was good. I, along with others, are genuinely concerned that this is made to fail, but they are placing the need for this to succeed primarily on you, and it is only going to hurt you.”

“I expected talk…”

The friend bit their lip for a moment, concern building now that it appeared that you really had no will to fight against this. Had you really lost all of your self preservation? It was a thought that she really didn’t want to consider, particularly since the pair of you had been together since you were children, but maybe you had? And if you did, then maybe she needed to approach this in a different light. Reaching a hand out to her, Kira’s voice was softer than it had been before. “If you allowed this to fail, what would be the worst outcome?”

This question had already ran through her mind at least a hundred times. Again and again, she had analyzed and predicted the different outcomes that could occur if this marriage failed. She took into account the lives that would be affected, both on a small scale and a large one, and unfortunately, there was a greater detriment to the community if it failed. The more she thought of this marriage and the political implications of it, the more she realized that in order to preserve both her village and clan, she had no choice but to marry Tobirama. Locking eyes with her companion, the Uchiha admitted the truth, helpless to the facts.  “A civil war could come of it, and we’d be right back where we were years ago. All of the progress that this village has achieved could be potentially lost. And I just can’t allow that…” she trailed. 

“Y/N…”

The Uchiha looked away for a moment before admitting something she had never verbalized before. “I didn’t used to feel responsible for what happened in the future. I was just damage control; try to fix the broken ones as best I could and hope that it was enough. But now I have some power to shape the environment that the next generation will grow up in and I refuse to allow them to grow up in the same world we did. I want to try to create a place where the constant need for damage control is no longer present…” 

There was a pain in her voice. Kira could hear in her friend’s tone, even though she remained strong. She was selfless to a fault, and it was going to be her downfall; Kira just didn’t know when that would be. Sighing, she now knew there probably was no turning back from this, so she was curt. “And you’re willing to suffer for this?” 

“I’ve already suffered; I can withstand some more as long as it eases it for the others…”

“Well then,” Kira murmured as she took a hold on her cup again and returned to her more relaxed position, knowing that not even a divine intervention could steal away her friend's most valuable and simultaneously detrimental characteristic. “You better make sure he knows that. Ensure your standing before you officially tie the knot.” 

Following suit, she let her head fall back against the chair and waved her hand at her friend. “I’ll tell him tomorrow. I don’t want to think about this anymore today. Let my last night as bachelorette be peaceful.” she laughed. 

Narrowing her eyes, Kira let out a small chuckle. “Isn’t it unlucky for the two of you to see each other the day of the wedding?” 

“You should know by now I don’t believe in luck,” she gave a small smile. 

And while she was given peace that night, the day that followed did not allow such luxuries. 

***

“I am so sorry it had to be you…” a mother whispered to her daughter, holding her gently through tears she didn’t think would come. The mother’s words were soft, apologizing for the fate that seemed so wrongly placed on the eldest of her living children. Normally her daughter was good at hiding her pain; it was a survival skill that she had learned early on. Though it should have been expected that today would test those survival skills in a way they had never been, and now it was obvious that they were currently failing.

It pained the mother to see her daughter like this; there had only been a few times that she could remember her daughter to weep like this. It was a silent cry, grief taking away her voice, consuming her and rendering her nearly helpless. Prior to today, this cry was always accompanied by blood being spilt, but today was different. 

The mother knew all of this was always going to be difficult. Even though her child was selfless and strong, she was still very much marrying a man against her will, and that was something that could seldom be done with grace. Of course she took the proposition without a fight, Madara wouldn’t have allowed it any other way, but it was not in her best interest. Nothing her child ever did seemed to be in her best interest, but rather in the interest in others. 

“Y/N, breathe…” she hummed. “You’re in distress, love…” she stated, catching a glimpse of the glaring red eyes, clashing with tears that seemed like they were endless. This was a trait that the mother had noticed in all her children. When they were in crisis, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental, their Sharingan was always activated, helpless to the immense threat that was about to overpower them. It was another survival skill they had, but it was one that they all used too much. 

Gritting her teeth in pain, the only daughter shook her head as she lifted it from her mother’s shoulder. Painfully exhaling, she brought her hands to her eyes to rid herself of the tears. She held her head for a moment, trying to regain composure, trying to regain a grip on the idea that her future was now dictated by others even more than it had already been. It was a trade that had to be done if she wanted any power in the formation of the future. 

With a shake of her head, she went to reach for a small eyedropper; if she couldn’t actually regain composure, then she would fake it. Expertly dropping the solution into her bloodshot eyes, she murmured an explanation to her mother, though it truly wasn’t needed. “They can’t know I cried. “

“No…” the mother shook her head. “They can’t...” 

Standing, the bride took a quick look out the window to the small gathering that was beginning to form below. In less than an hour, she’d no longer carry the Uchiha name. She thought she had come to terms with all this, though it was now something that was seemingly much harder to come to grips with than she originally anticipated. Swallowing her pride, she glanced back at her mother. “I thought that once the wars were over that we’d have peace. That I could live and heal as I needed, but I suppose that was a childish ambition.” she murmured the little known truth, putting it into existence before sealing her future away. 

Walking toward the door, she gave a small frown as she looked back to her mother, “I’m going to go talk to him. Make sure that we are clear before we fully commit to it all” she admitted, following through on her friend's advice for the day before. 

“Y/N…” he mother began to refuse, but there really was no reason to other than for her motherly instinct to stop any unnecessary pain from coming about. 

“Hm?”

“Your eyes…” she redirected, knowing there was no use to interfere. “He doesn’t need to know. Best if you use them as little as possible around him…” she offered the small bit of advice. 

The daughter nodded, well aware of the hidden warnings in her mother’s request. “You’re right, thank you.” she quietly said as she slipped out of the room and made her way down the hallway to Tobirama’s room. It was a short walk, but it felt longer than it should have. The hall was empty, her footsteps being the only sound resonating throughout it and in that moment, it was that noise that the bride tried to focus on. She didn’t think of anything in these final moments before she saw him. She wanted to avoid the constant bombardment of notions and predictions that had been constant since all of this started. Though these final moments of peace were to soon end as she approached her fiances’ room, knowing that it was here were thoughts had to be verbalized in order to ensure success. With a reassuring nod to herself, she knocked before entering.  “Can I have a word?”

Glancing up from the document he was reading, there was a sense of uncertainty evident as he looked across the room to her. “What are you doing here?” Tobirama questioned. 

Going to sit down in the chair across from him, the Uchiha remained stoic, expertly evading the fact that she had been crying only moments ago. Lifting her chin, she was calm as she addressed him. “I’m here to talk to you.” 

“About what?” Tobirama continued, still holding the papers in his hand.

“About us. And this union. And what all this means. I want us to be on the same page before we go out there today.”

“Go on?” he murmured, unsure of where this was heading. Weren’t they already on the same page? Why was it necessary for her to come speak with him now? He liked to think he was good at predicting the actions of others, but he always seemed to be wrong about hers, so he didn’t truly try anymore. 

She paused for a moment before asking a question. “Do you not think I distrust you as you distrust me?”

Tobirama fell silent, caught off guard by how blunt it was. He didn’t know what to expect, but this was certainly not it.     

Though she was unforgiving with this inquiry, so again she repeated herself, this time more direct. “Answer me. Do you think I fully trust you?” she asked before following up with more detail.  “The Senju clan murdered two of four brothers, and I was almost a victim too. Do you think I have full faith in someone directly related to a shinobi who I witnessed stab my older brother time and time again and laughed as I held him while he bled out? Someone who’s a brother to another who strangled me and left me to die out on the battlefield when I was nothing more than a teenager, one who was only tending to the wounded? Can you really expect me to have complete confidence in you and the Senju clan?” She delivered a harsh reality, though her tone was not accusatory as Tobirama thought it would be. 

Placing the papers down, his full attention now on her, Tobirama scowled. Her logic was sound. This was another thing he had taken note of about her. She was always logical, and never let her emotions overrun her decisions and thinking. It was slightly irritating that the point she was trying to make was so reasonable, but still he didn’t believe that the Senju were deserving of mistrust now. Maybe back then, but not now. “Things were different back then.” he rebutted.

“So you’re insisting that you’ve changed, and so now you deserve trust?” she clarified. 

He nodded.  “Yes.”

Tilting her head to the side, she continued with her questioning.  “Have we not done the same? Caused pain and agony in previous eras, but now seek peace?”

Again, Tobirama fell silent. She did very much have a point in all this, but this issue was more complex than how she displayed it.

“We’re just like you.” she started, looking at him with eyes that sought a mutual understanding rather than ones that were there to tell another sob story. “We lost so many people, and when the village was formed, we thought it would be a turning point, but it wasn’t.” she stated, the latter portion of her statement having a weight to it. 

Tobirama remained silent, just listening to her. He had seen the story of the Uchiha unfold and he had heard the same story from Madara, but this was different. Hearing from someone like her was not comparable to being an outsider or hearing it from the head of the family, the one who seemingly caused a lot of their issues. Her words told the same story, but with a different perspective. And for some reason, he didn’t detest this version of it. 

“Right from the start, we were not seen as an equal to the other clans. We were doubted from the very beginning even though our sins were the exact same as yours. You were one of the people who placed so much doubt in my family, and it was nearly impossible to combat that, because the public had full faith in Hashirama and you. Hashirama was steadfast and kind and you were intelligent and driven; how could the public not have faith in your words to be wary of the Uchiha?” she frowned.

She was going to be the mediator, and potentially even their maverick. This was something that Tobirama was beginning to see; something that brought interest to him. In some people’s eyes Madara was the maverick, but maybe he was no longer. Maybe this spot was being overtaken by the woman in front of him. 

“The damage that your actions right from the very beginning have had severe impacts on all of us. It took me a long time for the symbol that I wore on my back to not be the defining part of me. What you were given instantly, took me years to achieve, and I am one of the few in the clan who have been able to achieve it. I worked and fought and served so that I could be recognized in this village as someone who was worthy of trust and would not fall victim to the burdens that halted us before.” she told him. Then suddenly it felt as if there was a weight upon her as she made something that was close to a warning. “And I refuse to allow any of that to be taken from me.” she affirmed.  

Tobirama raised his chin. What was she getting at? Remaining stoic, he spoke for the first time since she told her story. “What does this mean for your expectations of this?” 

Glancing away, her voice became softer as her essence was no longer under threat. “I’m not expecting you to love me. I know you hate the blood that runs through my veins; and there is some validity to that. We took away the family that you held dear…” she trailed. 

Again there was silence.

Pushing through to her objectives, the Uchiha locked eyes with him. “I am expecting to make this marriage work.” She was straightforward. “For the country.” she affirmed the purpose. “I’m putting my biases away so that we can be the leaders that this country needs, not just the Uchiha and not just the Senju, but all of Konoha. I expect you to do the same, because if we don’t, we will fail, and we cannot fail.”

Hearing the reality of it all, Tobirama silently sighed before agreeing with her. “No, we can’t.”

“No…” she shook her head slowly, not really knowing what else to say. Standing from her seat she gave one more nod to him, “We will succeed for them. We need to protect them all…” 

Following suit, Tobirama motioned her to the door, his hand slightly grazing her back in the process. “Come on, let’s go. They’re all waiting…”

[vanveronicango]

if you don't mind me asking, what aspects of s2 did you dislike? bc for me, although i liked it a lot better than s1 (mainly for the increased focus on sibling dynamic scenes). i also kind of realized that it had kind of a Lot going on, that although i appreciated, didn't get enough equal attention? idk

i agree that the dynamic scenes this season were pretty great. we got some great interactions between characters that didn’t have much last season (personal fave being klaus/allison/vanya and every individual combo in that trio). 

i personally love reading other peoples’ opinions on shows/movies, even if they don’t match my own, because a lot of the time they open my eyes to some stuff i haven’t seen, and i love to see work affecting others the same way it does me, even if it has a different outcome. 

so, i know  i said i wouldn’t, but since you asked, under the cut i’m going list out some of the stuff i wasn’t a huge fan of, and some of the stuff i really liked. 

(edit warning: this shit is LONG. but please don’t take this as me absolutely hating the season - I didn’t. there was some genuinely enjoyable stuff. but, in my opinion, it didn’t have the spark and intent that s1 did. it wasn’t the caliber of the season i fell in love with. i think it’s still rewatchable though, unlike a certain godawful season of a certain hit netflix show...... coughstrangerthings3cough)

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE

1. not enough characterization/development in most of the characters (this will be the longest point, so I’ll get it out of the way first) - for one, the siblings - save maybe vanya & allison - really... did not develop much this season, and weren’t explored as heavily as in the first season. hell, even in vanya and allison’s cases, i still think s1 did a better job at delving into their characters and psyche, even though they still had a bit of it in s2. but especially in the other siblings cases, i feel like SO MUCH of this season leaned into trivial things the fans liked, that it either (at least) took time away from or (at worst) was an active detriment to the characters’ development and plots. they said oh you like banter? we’ll give you unnecessary arguing and jokes that go on for 20 minutes too long when we could be delving deeper into these interesting situations we saw on the surface. here’s some fart jokes and forgettable music when we could be seeing more of how these characters are coping with the literal end of the world/being sent back in time/facing the prospect of never seeing their families again. 

in s1, we got luther’s immense internal struggles in living up to his “name” and only existing to please his father... diego finding his relationships through his jaded nature towards his siblings and himself, and grappling with feelings of inferiority... allison’s coping with the effects her powers have had on her life, and trying to become someone without rumoring everything into existence, which is a new feeling altogether that she isn’t quite sure how to cope with... klaus going through intense development as a simultaneously self-obsessed and self-destructive drug addict that gets thrown into a gruesome war for a year, only to watch the person he loves most die, grappling with his ptsd from war & his abusive childhood, and discovering new powers... five coming back home after decades of solitude and then being used as a weapon, trying to reestablish himself within the group while dealing with an eating feeling that he doesn’t belong in his body or in this group.... vanya, oh vanya, with her depression, anxiety, feelings of loneliness and betrayal, feeling invisible and utterly ordinary, gripping to whoever makes her feel special (and dealing with that fallout) before suddenly being slammed with unbelievably powerful abilities that she can’t control.

in s2... yes, we get lesbian!vanya who becomes truer to herself, and - through intense struggle - finds a way to harness her abilities so she isn’t so out of control and can finally feel extraordinary herself. but much of the latter was given up for a vast majority of the season bc she literally didn’t know who she was (there was a positive in that though, which i’ll list in my positives list), and so we lost a LOT of potential coping and learning time, which easily could have mingled with her sissy storyline! allison’s storyline i actually dug, i don’t have too much gripe with it except that i wish her throat injury didn’t just kind of magically heal, and they could’ve addressed it more. the end of ben’s story was interesting, but still lacked depth imo. as for the other siblings.... it all just felt like a TON of jokes that were funny at first, but quickly became stale and had me wishing they would take the story a bit deeper. that said, a lot of the gags, jokes, and quips were great, but they could’ve been incorporated WAY more intelligently, and allowed for characterization at the same time. loads and loads of banter, not being balanced with poignancy like s1 did very well.

we could have seen luther’s descent into the criminal underworld, and why he felt the draw and obligation to go that route. a more detailed look at klaus’ beginnings and relationship with the cult, his motivations (which s2 kept super shallow), more of diego’s life inside the asylum and even beforehand. but no, we got five and old five farting.

2. the music - man, the s1 soundtrack was iconic, was it not? effortlessly cool scene/music combos, countless iconic music moments, brilliantly and thoughtfully done. this season felt like they said “music? oh ok throw music EVERYWHERE” and it was just. not. good. instead of music that intertwined with each scene like it was a character itself, amplifying the tone and adding a new layer (like in s1), the music this season was mostly just distracting, forgettable, and felt like they were this close to just making a bunch of music videos. i even found myself hating a couple of their choices (the rest i just kinda... forgot). i did like the vanya/allison/klaus dance scene, but other than that.... eugh.

3. the handler - I HATE. HATE HATE HATE. when shows/movie franchises do shit like make a big deal of killing off a villain or lead and then just being like “hehe jk uwu” and bringing them back with some totally bs reason that they lived. a metal plate? really? and she magically awoke... how long after? not to mention how unbelievably lazy and lame it is. they could’ve done so much more with carmichael and the swedes, but they had to bring back... the villain we already had? don’t get me wrong, i LOVEEE kate walsh, but come on. it’s season 2. give us something fresh.

4. the swedes - in s1, cha cha and hazel had personalities, wants, desires that were all explored. we knew their motivations, their doubts, their fears. we liked to watch them. then the writers threw in the swedes... who were completely devoid of any and all characterization (they could’ve gone in my #1 point too heyo), personality, backstory, anything. it was so painful that when each one died, it was clear that we were supposed to feel something for the others, but did any of you really feel anything? no. because we didn’t know these characters at all. they were walking guns, pretty much. nothing substantial.

5. ben & klaus - being someone who loves these two characters so, so much (hellloooo, my old url?), this one breaks my heart. i was so unbelievably disappointed with them this season. all either of them were was horrible to the other. in klaus’ case, he just decided to keep ben’s presence a secret, not even telling the group ben loved them, or that he was there. he called him his ghost bitch, he used him as a personal pet, he lacked sympathy or compassion. we saw a glimmer of hope when he allowed ben to possess him, but that’s where ben’s issues start. seriously, possessing your brother past his breaking point, fighting him out of his own bodily autonomy, until he is in a state of complete exhaution? then saying he “regrets nothing”? and then the show playing it off as ~comedy~ bc that’s almost all they cared about this season... no... there was nothing in their relationship this season that compared to last’s. no moments of tough brotherly love, where ben tries to help klaus through his drug/alcohol desires or ptsd flashbacks, no moments of teamwork (besides the brief moments of consenting possession before that was ruined), no tender moments between brothers in general. all just REALLY FUCKING LOUD “comedy”, anger, resentment, bickering, and cruelty, all played for laughs. not about it son

6. “we’re not blood related!” - and, once again, getting played for laughs... for a show that became uncomfortably self-aware with trivial fan desires (but not the deeper stuff...), they sure do lack a lot of common sense of realizing what we don’t want

7. hazel (& agnes) - they went through the trouble of saving hazel and agnes just to have agnes die off-screen before the season started, and for hazel to die five minutes into his only appearance? lame. lame lame lame.

8. plot pace - i don’t really recall any moments in s1 that i thought “this scene doesn’t need to be here”, “this is moving so slowly”, or “this is being really rushed”. there was plenty of all three of those in s2. s1 was constant, everything was either towards the main goal or was filled with private and fascinating character moments. i love just watching characters live and do their thing if it’s done properly... but those scenes this season really weren’t very entertaining (save one or two), didn’t really seem to serve a purpose or hold weight, and didn’t give us any character insight.

9. klaus - the reason he’s listed specifically even after i mentioned him in the first point, was because of how personally saddened i was by his “arc”, if you could call it that. i know, him being my favorite (along with vanya) in s1 isn’t an original thought. but the writers, directors, and robert created a character so entertaining, charming, layered, and multi-faceted that it was hard not to fall in love with him. for all his goofiness, he then got a shit ton of characterization and development in the war, in dave, in his ptsd and discovering his power. his poignant moments were so powerful because of how different it was from his typical outward appearance. and fuck if he didn’t develop! this season, klaus felt... shallow. the cult stuff had no depth, no real reason to be there at all (the show really wouldn’t be much different without it, besides it being how five and allison found klaus), and it was kind of a throwaway point anyway, just another tool to get - shocker - more laughs. those touching, serious klaus scenes were completely absent in s2... he was just the ~quirky~ and/or ~high/drunk~ guy. there was literally no depth to his character at all this season. yeah, he crawled from behind the desk in e9.... and what else? nothing. robert did all he could this season, but something tells me even he was probably disappointed by just how one-dimensional klaus was. he was really no different at the end than he was at the beginning of the season, which is a no-no. 

10. klave - this is kind of an expansion of #9, but i was so disappointed by it that it needed its own spot. the only stuff that was supposed to be serious in klaus’ story - the klaus/dave stuff - was really not good. the moment the shopkeeper said “david?” in the store, i literally gasped bc i was so excited... but that was the last of any excitement i felt for the two, which, if you know me, is BONKERS considering how much i adore s1 klave. but this new young actor had ZERO chemistry with robert (fuck if rob wasn’t trying, though. it looked painful for him, but this guy really was just not well casted) (cody and rob were phenomenal together and had a fraction of the screentime this new actor had), and klaus being 30 and this actor/character being a kid was just... weird to watch. plus... so many white actors look the same, they really couldn’t find someone who looked like cody ray thompson? c’mon now ...... also, was there any point to it? at all? dave just wound up going anyway and there was literally no differences made in that situation. i think the writers thought they were catering to the audience by adding dave, but you need actors with chemistry (cody! cody!!!) and a good plot to do so.

11. s1 fallout - there really was none. that’s it. you’d think there’d be more after the explosions in the relationships of these siblings, but everything was just kind of glossed over.

12. sparrow academy - mostly here because... does this mean 7 more characters? meaning MORE time taken away from our og siblings, who already (mostly) didn’t develop well this season? i’m not gonna lie, i’m worried/

WHAT I LIKED

1. the chestnuts - i absolutely loved ray, loved allison, and loved their and their group’s work this season. the issue of race is so important all the time, but in the 60′s the tensions were so high and it would’ve been a joke if the show hadn’t addressed it or just kind of went with little racist remarks. these two had some of the most touching scenes of the season, and the sit-in scenes/every police scene had me incredibly anxious. that was well done, imo. which is proof that they still know how to do a good storyline, which makes me even more upset that the show was overall lacking that this season. i’m also so glad they didn’t go the “oh sry ray i still love luther’ route bc i literally don’t know if i would’ve kept watching. ANYWAYS im gonna miss ray sm :(

2. vanya & sissy - lesbian!vanya is all i want and more. vanya/sissy was all i want and more. these two, much like the chestnuts, breathed so much life into an often-dull season. so in love!!! vanya connecting with harlan even in just the most human ways!!! sissy finally standing up to carl (and carl d*ing god bless).... little found family oh my GOD!!! super devastated that sissy didn’t come back to the future with vanya, but because of harlan’s ending, something tells me we haven’t seen the last of them. oh and i am so conflicted about vanya’s amnesia, bc while i think so much more development could’ve happened without it, i also don’t think a lot of what happened with her and sissy could have happened, at least as quickly, if vanya was bogged down by guilt, anger, and lingering feelings of self-hatred and anxiety.

3. sibling dynamics - okay, this one is a contradiction, kinda sorta. i know i said the ben/klaus relationship was horrid. and i didn’t dig absolutely everything with all the siblings.... but they had some REALLY strong stuff this season. i know i’ve already mentioned it multiple times, but vanya/allison/klaus was everything to me this season. i knew i wanted klaus/vanya stuff happening, but adding allison to the mix gave it a whole new layer and they all just worked SO. DAMN. WELL. i just kind of wish it was vanya with her memories getting that bonding time, because i feel like the trio really could’ve gone in with how they all related to each other, their struggles, etc. but still, just some Happy Time was much appreciated. in addition to them, i really did dig a lot of almost every sibling dynamic this season. not every relationship got the attention it deserved, but it wasn’t too bad, it would be really hard to get all of that into 10 eps. plus, the fact that almost all of them grew so much closer was everyyyything. it’s odd, because good dynamics usually come with good development but uh..... nvm im keepin this section positive

4. the humor - another kind of contradiction, maybe. for some of the humor, i thought it went too long, was extremely heavy-handed, often took away from the plot, and some of it even degraded certain characters and situations (see examples throughout my points above). however, the stuff that didn’t fall into these categories was so, so good. some favorites: olga foroga, “think of batman, then aim lower”, “you look like antonio banderas with that hair” “thanks man”, i’m t h e  d a d d y  h e r e, “not everyone here likes you” “sounds ridiculous but go on”, klaus’ little pop culture quips to his cult, “being smart doesn’t make you interesting” “neither does that beard”, klaus calling ben to manifest and ben being like ”...nah”... there are plenty more, but these were the first i could think of in 60 seconds off the top of my head. some of it really was laugh out loud funny, which can be hard to do, especially consistently. if only they didn’t lean into it so damn hard, and put in WAY too much heavy-handed humor that it dampened the experience

5. old five - although i don’t love all of the stuff in the five/old five scenes, old five’s actor was fantastic! he got aidan’s mannerisms down really, really well. it’s always cool to see actors do that kind of thing when they play a character at a different age, or a character’s sibling, etc.

6. time period bigotry - i’m really, really glad they didn’t gloss over the intense racism and homophobia of the era. it was mostly brought up with allison, vanya, and klaus, and all three actors did a great job in their respective roles when expressing their reactions to the hatred. the scenes were really hard to watch, but well done.

7. pogo/grace/reggie - don’t get me wrong, i still hate reggie with a burning passion. but i actually found his scenes with these two really interesting, and it gave us great insight as to why pogo was always so loyal to reggie, and how grace was more than just a face on a robot to hargreeves. (which actually makes lack of development in our mains even more infuriating... they clearly knew to put some in there, where is it for the rest of the sibs who got nothing this season!!!)

alright, i’m gonna stop here. i’m sure i can think of more for each section, but i’ve been thinking this out and typing for an hour (holy shit) and it’s 2am and i need sleep xoxo

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 23

Fandom: Marvel 

Summary: Based on "Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki." by @thefandomimagine​

Loki felt alive. 

With newfound energy surging into his bones, he felt shaped anew, his personality finally dusting the Earth's dirt off its magnificence for all to see. 

Loki marched back into your room, clad in the familiar, asgardian fabrics, tailored to fit into Earth's fashion better. All was good again.

You eyed him from head to toe with a look suggesting an utter lack of interest. To his dismay, you seemed more focused on the itch on your back, and finding a way to reach it, than his rebirth. 

"I didn't expect you to understand, but this is saddening, even coming from you." Loki crossed his arms, picking some invisible fleck off his black suit. 

"Sorry," you muttered, almost bent in half backwards while sitting on the bed. "I'd clap, but I need that hand for a moment longer." 

"Forget it. I don't need your approval." 

Relief softened your features when you finally scratched the itch. "Okay, I'm done. How do you fancy some coffee before we wander off to the streets?" 

"Only if you promise not to add anything 'special' in it." 

"Your lack of trust breaks my heart." 

One look through the window convinced you to put on some warmer clothes. The snow started to fall only yesterday evening, but you could already see it piling on the streets. Taking a car in such weather could turn into an unpleasant surprise, if roads were blocked because of it. 

You winced while getting ready. "I have no idea how you can be so full of energy, princess. Every part of my body hurts as if I were fighting monsters all day yesterday. I'm getting too old for this crap." 

Loki scoffed, leaning by the door. "I can't imagine you in retirement. What would you be doing? Knitting socks for the poor?"

"Or I could babysit villains. I feel I have a knack for it." 

"You're overestimating your capabilities," Loki said, but there was no malice in his words. 

He watched you pull on shoes, struggling with bending far enough to reach the laces. It must have been the bruises you mentioned. His own healed through the night, and Loki was more than happy to discover that. He couldn't imagine living like that. 

A tiny part of him almost offered to help you, but he leashed it before the words escaped him. Why, he couldn't say. Confusion clad his thoughts while you finished and marched to the door. You fished a metallic card out of your pocket and held it in front of Loki's eyes. 

"I really shouldn't be telling you that you need one of these to enter or leave people's private rooms in this Tower, and a few other sections not meant for the public. And I really shouldn't mention that most of the important residents have one of these on them at all times. Security protocol and all that, you know."

With a soft click to the panel, you left the room with Loki following your steps. He had enough reason not to thank you for the thing you never said. Although, Loki had to admit, his confusion only deepened. 

The walk to the kitchen area was blanketed in a silence Loki was surprised to find comfortable. It was a thrilling concept that he might start getting used to his companion, but Loki was saved from delving into that by a voice he might not have expected, but would always recognize. 

He froze, instinctively sneaking closer to the wall. You frowned, turning to him. 

"What's wrong? We're almost there—”

"I'm not going." 

"...is there any reason behind this sudden change of that brilliant mind of yours, or…" 

You gestured wildly to the right, but the answer came to you with the next burst of voices from the kitchen area. It was close by now, and close enough for you to recognize its newest occupant. 

"You don't want to talk to him?" you asked, though it sounded more like a statement as you tried to keep your voice down, stepping closer to the shadows Loki was lurking in. 

"Why would I want to do that? He always brings the worst news, looking for people to plaster blame on—" 

"Hey, man. Chill." You put your hand on his shoulder in what you hoped was a reassuring gesture. "You don't have to flood me with reasons. If you don't want to talk to him right now, don't. I'll just make some coffee and we're off." 

"It's not going to work, he's—" 

"Loki, he might be a god, but in this Tower, he's just a man. I'll be right back." 

Loki made to grab you and explain very thoroughly why exactly that was a disastrous idea, but you shook his hand off and walked away. 

For a moment, he debated following you, if only to make a statement. He didn't, cursing his brother for ruining the day without trying. 

"Hello, my fellow residents!" You marched right into the kitchen, heading for the coffee machine. 

Clint muttered something from over his toasts, Natasha sitting next to him by the counter. They seemed to be in the middle of a conversation with Thor, clad in his armor as if it were a second skin to him. It smelled rightfully so. 

The sudden silence echoed through the room. With all eyes on you, you stopped with two cups in your hands. You raised your eyebrows. 

"Is there a bomb in this room, or is it always so nervous in the mornings? Not that I would know much about it, given how rarely I make it here in time." 

Clint took his time with the toast. You'd never seen anyone mutilate it so thoroughly. 

Natasha was looking at you, but didn't say anything. Her face was unreadable as always, but something deep beyond the usual expressionless mask seemed to be very aware of every gesture made by the people around. 

"Where is he?" Thor was first to break the tension. He crossed his arms over his chest, one of them wrapped in a bandage. It seemed like he was right back from his duty of sealing the breaks the Avengers mentioned earlier. 

"Excuse me?" You turned the coffee machine on. Hopefully, it wouldn't decide to break in the next ten minutes. 

"Loki. Where is he?" Thor stepped closer, walking around the counter in the center of the kitchen to stand on your side. Clint and Natasha observed you from beyond it, the toast now cold and forgotten for good. 

"I have no idea who you’re talking about." 

"This is not the time for jokes," Thor rumbled, his voice deep and strained. "I have already heard about his little venture, and I'm less than happy about it. I need to talk to him. We had a deal—" 

"What if he doesn't want to talk to you?" you shrugged, stepping in closer too. Just because he was taller than most people, it didn't mean you'd be intimidated so easily. 

Thor let out a barked laugh, cut short by the temper you could already see rising in his eyes. 

"I don't care what—" 

"Maybe that’s the actual problem?" 

"We had a deal and he broke it." 

"Technically, that’s not what happened," Natasha cut in, eyeing Thor. It was not the savior you expected, but you appreciated it nonetheless. "He kinda helped with saving the city and trust me, I was surprised too." 

You sent her a kiss. 

Thor sighed. "He was not to leave the Tower." 

"He made a choice to save people. I didn't force him," you said. The smell of fresh coffee filled the room. "He had my back and didn't run away. You brought him here to give him one last chance. I won't let you punish him for doing just that." 

Clint smirked, pushing his plate away. It was more crumbs than the actual toast. "Looks like someone is finally enjoying their job. Did you get the bag I brought you? I only noticed yesterday Thor left it here." 

"Yeah. Thanks, Clint." 

You took the cups, the warmth spreading to your fingers and the delightful smell making it difficult not to drool. You sent another kiss to Natasha now smirking openly. 

"You should be careful around him," Thor warned you on your way out. Thankfully, he didn't follow you. 

"Thanks, Thunderboy. You know how much I love your life-saving advice." 

Loki, still where you left him in the corridor, couldn't help but enjoy that last remark. 

He wasn't eavesdropping, of course not. But it wasn't his fault that the voices were too loud to be ignored, and so he couldn't do much but follow the conversation involuntarily. He couldn't help but enjoy its outcome, either. Especially when it was clear enough that his joy of a brother would be off his back for a while longer—something always worth appreciating. 

You joined Loki not a few moments later, with a smile shining bright on your face. He followed as you took a path that would spare him crossing the kitchen. Thankfully,  the Tower was full of elevators. 

Loki took the coffee you handed him, assessing it carefully. 

"Don't worry," you patted his hand. "I made it as bland and boring as I could." 

"My stomach rejoices with relief," he assured you. He wasn't even lying. 

The ground floor welcomed you warmly with an open area filled with people focused on their own lives. You sometimes forgot how many people were actually employed and working on various floors of the building. 

"So." Loki sipped his coffee as you neared the same exit you last rushed through under very different circumstances. "I can't help but wonder, what's the ingenious plan that's gonna get us out of here unnoticed?" 

Your lips curved. "A good, old blackmailing, my friend." 

"Oh, dear, now you piqued my interest." 

"Listen and learn." 

You fished your phone out of the pocket of your thick jacket. The call was picked after the third ring. 

"Tony, dear, in about twenty seconds my best friend Loki and I are going to leave the Tower and have a nice little walk around the town. If you let the alarm go off, I'm gonna tell Ms. Potts exactly what kind of an accident happened to her absolutely favorite Valentino bag and where you threw the evidence away. Have a lovely day."

Loki had his eyebrows raised. You wondered if he'd get wrinkles because of you. 

"As much as I'd be delighted to hear that story, are you sure this is going to work?" 

"Nope," you admitted before linking your arm with his and crossing the exit. 

Nothing happened. You stepped a few steps farther onto the sidewalk, just in case, looking up at the Tower. 

"You see?" You shot Loki a smile. "Everything's fine." 

"Indeed, although could you please indulge me on how you are going to stop people around from recognizing me? I have some doubts they have heard of the whole 'Loki's not here to destroy your planet this time'. 

You pursed your lips into a thin, intense line. Loki looked around. He wondered when the first scream would sound. 

"I've got an idea." 

"I dread hearing that…" 

Loki wasn't happy as you handed him your half empty coffee, but he held it anyway. His mood gradually lowered as you took a long, thick scarf off your neck, and got to devastatingly low levels when you put it on him instead, successfully covering half of his face. The upper half expressed his opinion perfectly clear, he was sure of that, although it did not seem to make you falter one bit. 

"You know what," you looked at your work of art proudly. "It actually suits you." 

He should have killed you in your sleep. 

[diaryplan-au]

DIARYPLAN - CHAPTER 1

"W-what the hell is this?" Daniel questioned himself as he saw the message. Was it part of the game? He didn’t know if it was safe to answer it.

His green eyes scanned the surroundings, he feels safe in his house but something tells him that something is not right. “Well... There’s not really any danger around, everything is normal which is good. For now anyway,” he muttered the last part.

“I’m confused about this whole situation,” he sighed, “I just hope that it is someone just trolling with us or something...”

Daniel’s eyes lit up and proceeded to unlock his phone, “Oh yes, that’s a good idea! Hosuh is coming over to record anyway.”

Daniel waited for the knock on the door. He was glad that he was safe and sound. But he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Shaking his head, he ignored the bad thoughts and kept an eye on the door. 

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Hosuh invited himself in and smiled when he saw Daniel waiting for him. He was wearing simple clothes, a sling bag on his shoulder and he had a luggage with him.

“Hey Hosuh! Glad you’re okay,” Daniel said as he gave him a hug. Hosuh patted his back and set down his luggage.

“So um... Did you get a call from someone?” he asked.

Hosuh’s eyes widened and nodded, “Yeah, it was very weird? It was from an unknown number...”

He showed Daniel his call history and indeed, the same unknown number was there in the list. He was a bit angry that one of his friends was involved in the mess, “Let’s ignore it. It must be a troll, just wanting attention.”

They were a bit nervous that someone got their phone number. Either someone was just pranking and messing by calling random phone numbers and somehow they got involved or they’re being targeted. 

“Are you sure Daniel? What if it was true, also are we talking about the same thing?” Hosuh began to sweat. Maybe they weren’t on the same page? That’s what he was nervous about at the moment. 

Daniel nodded, “If you’re talking about the survival game with the diary then yes.”

Hosuh looked down and clenched his fists, “I see... Are we still going to record?”

“I suppose we’ll postpone it,” He said as he looked at Hosuh sadly. Daniel was saddened by the thought of not posting videos. He was very concerned about his fans and about the content they were posting. What if they got bored already?

Hosuh noticed this and was about to comfort him, but they were both alarmed by the notification coming from Daniel’s phone.

Daniel proceeds to check his diary. The new entries were all about going somewhere with Hosuh because of this strange survival game. There was also the news about the unsolved deaths last night and this early morning. Both of them weren’t aware.

“Is that your diary?” Hosuh asked.

Daniel nodded, still looking at his phone, “Do you have one too? It surprised me at first when I received it.”

Hosuh nodded and pulled out a small notebook from his sling bag, “Mine’s written automatically in this small notebook. It’s a Guardian Angel diary. It tells me what to do to keep people safe.”

Daniel glanced at his notebook, he was a bit surprised that the diary could be different too. Hosuh was also surprised at first that Daniel’s entries were on his phone, “Mine’s a Cautious Diary,” he said, showing the rest of the entries, “It just warns me about something odd I guess...”

Daniel’s phone suddenly made a noise and a message popped up. Hosuh giggled at the message while the other male was flustered, “What are you talking about? I’m not scared!”

“But uh, I guess I have to tell others about this,” He pinched the bridge of his nose and checked his computer. He went to twitter and saw a lot of posts from his friends regarding the survival game. Some made fun of it while others complained. Hosuh peeked from Daniel’s shoulder and saw the tweets, “I see that others are also complaining?”

“I see that. I should address it as soon as possible.”

Hosuh sat down on the nearest chair and let out a loud sigh, “Why are we being targeted?”

Daniel shrugged, his eyes still focused on the computer, “I don’t know but this is honestly ticking me off...”

The said male’s phone made a sound again. A new message appeared. Hosuh grabbed his phone and said the message out loud.

Daniel raised an eyebrow, “Should we?”

“I-I’ll defend with my sling bag,” Hosuh stuttered. Daniel looked at him, very confused on what he said. Hosuh noticed this and continued, “I-I don’t know... Maybe it will block their attack? I don’t want to hurt anyone. Besides, who are we against anyway?”

“That, I do not know... I guess I’ll bring something to defend myself...”

W H A T   S H O U L D  D A N I E L   B R I N G  ?

[SCREWDRIVER] • [DAGGERS] • [BRING NOTHING]

- HOSUH IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR MESSAGES -

- • - • - • - • - • - • -

Hello, welcome to the DANPLAN FUTURE DIARY AU. You will be guiding Daniel Lim to survive throughout this survival game.

I am your host, Archer, and I am responsible for delivering the messages to the players. But some of them are unavailable for now.

We have a few rules regarding sending messages to the players. But please be informed that the messages will be directed to the DanPlan characters in the story, not the real crew.

Rules for the messages (we will be updating them from time to time) :

1. Do not ask unnecessary questions. Let it be related to the player, or the situation. For the messages, you can guide them what to do next however it is for them to decide whether to follow or not.

2. When interacting with a player, please only send messages to those players that are available in the story or that were on screen.

3. Strictly no ships, sorry.

4. When interacting with a player, please use the hashtag “#interactDIARYPLAN (name of the player and number of the chapter they were in)” so we will know whether that message is directed to the story and not the person using the account. Messages without this hashtag will not be considered unless they are questions about the story, characters, account, rules, et cetera. Anonymous messages with the hashtag are counted though.

5. No spamming.

6. When a new chapter is released, the messages/asks for the previous chapters will be discarded.

Be warned that your choices and messages matter in the story. You can cooperate as a team with the FanPlan or be against them.

As much as possible, we will try to publish new chapters twice a week so you can prepare.

We will not consider reblogs and comments from the posts as messages for the players. Please use the ask box of the account.

If you don’t like the outcomes of the story, I’m sorry but that’s not our problem. We let you fans decide the outcomes. However, we do not condone fighting about the story no matter where you are in social media. Please respect the choices made by other people. Don’t hate people because of their choices.

Thank you for your cooperation.

WARNING : THE STORY CONTAINS GORY IMAGES, FLASHING IMAGES, MIGHT CAUSE NIGHTMARES, AND SWEARING.

[meetevieinthehallway]

and i can’t give that to you.

in which harry suffers from seasonal depression and she doesn’t know how to help.

-

there’s a thrum of guitar strings.

she hears it— and sighs.

she isn’t sure if she should breathe happily or sadly; there’s various possibilities of what she would find if she followed the sound until she unveiled the outcome.

she shivers because the gentle pluck of guitar strings is beautiful—he always plays so beautifully—but it’s a low toned, melancholic song and she’s torn between some unknown battle of duality.

she closes the door behind her body with her foot, the grocery bags in her hands making her arms begin to burn as she waddles to the kitchen. she sets them down and sighs, trying to ignore the guitar but she can’t and she shouldn’t.

his love huffs.

she blows air from out between her lips and her head drops to her chest. she turns, looking over her shoulder at the stairway— the music is coming from the top of it, their bedroom.

he hasn’t moved since i left, has he?

a glimpse at the clock confirms the three hours that have passed since she left, and her heart throbs at the possibility that he hasn’t shifted from his spot in their bedroom.

she kicks her shoes off and away and she’s mulling in her head some kind of speech but it helplessly dissipates as she walks up the stairs.

“haz?”

the plucking doesn’t cease and she isn’t sure if she wants it to anyways.

hesitancy.

always, always hesitancy when it comes to times like these.

moments like these are unsure and tentative for her; she can never know if she’s making the right choice because he turns so stoic and blank in the winter and she can never gauge any reaction.

even her steps are hesitant as she sighs outside their bedroom doorframe before walking in slowly.

his profile is to her.

he’s shirtless and sitting in the middle of their bed and his guitar is in his lap and he looks so fucking sad and gorgeous at the same time.

his eyes are downcast on his instrument and he seems lost in his music, so much so that he doesn’t react when she’s standing a foot into the room.

“haz?”

he jumps.

the dimples at the bottom of his back move and momentarily deepen and she sighs again—she feels like that’s all she does nowadays—because she hasn’t seen the dimples in his cheeks in what feels like forever.

she misses his smile.

his face turns so his eyes meet hers and she smiles small, hoping that his guitar playing was a sign of motivation— in any way.

“sorry.. i—... uh.”

hesitancy.

even he felt it.

“d-did y’just get home? would’ve... would’ve helped with the groceries—... putting them away.”

she smiles small, looking up at his curls as she steps closer. “’s okay.” she whispers. her hand moves to run through his hair, twisting it around her fingers, and his eyes flutter closed as his guitar is forgotten about. “you.. you showered?”

his eyes open. he nods, looking at the glimpse of pride that washes over her face and he draws his bottom lip in.

you’ve disappointed her that many times?— that a fucking shower makes her proud?

“that’s good. that’s—... that’s great, bub. h-how—” she sits next to him, hand falling to his thigh, “—how do you feel?”

harry looks into her hopeful eyes that beg for any indication of betterment, and he sighs. the truth is that yes, he does feel differently than he has been, but he still doesn’t feel happy, good.

he hates continuously disappointing her— but he can’t lie.

“i feel okay.” he whispers. he reaches slowly with his fingertips until they’re touching her skin, wrapped around her wrist and his touch burns her.

“scale from one to ten?”

he bites his lip.

he doesn’t like the number system.

his therapist had suggested it a long while ago, and his lovie likes it so that’s why he tolerates it.

to him, there was no way any value could replace a feeling, because some days his sadness could be a one but his loneliness could be a seven and averaging those together brings about a four and that seems wrong, off.

averages and means and medians have never been a solidified concept that most see it as—

it’s a summarization. a non specific, lacking of details summarization.

he doesn’t like summarizations.

but he does it for her— she says it’s a simplistic way for her to understand where he is in his own head, so she can try and help.

but nothing about this—him, being with him—is simplistic.

“four.”

she smiles small.

he’s been a two for the last couple of days.

he looks down on his guitar and his finger bounces on the string closest to him, “maybe a five? like—... a four ’nd a half.”

she smiles a bit brighter, squeezing his free hand. “okay.”

he smiles weakly but it doesn’t meet his cheeks or his eyes and he’s quiet for a long while and his fingers pulse in her hand. “do you wanna... do something today?”

she can tell it’s forced.

she can clearly see the reluctance on his face as he asks that— because he doesn’t want to go out.

but he’s being considerate because he knows it must be driving her crazy to be cooped up in here, taking care of her husband who barely wants to speak or move.

so she shakes her head.

“no, i didn’t necessarily have anything to do.”

he swallows.

harry slips his hand away from hers and her heart sinks, her bottom lip between her teeth as she watches him adjust his body to pluck at the strings again, his face further from her view.

“y’sure?” he’s mumbling and hasn’t taken her hand again, and she squeezes her fingers into a fist.

she nods. “yeah.”

but she isn’t sure.

this is when she is reminded to have faith—

where he’s looking away with saddened eyes and a rounded back and blinking away tears and not talking to her.

she prays every night after he falls asleep that he gets better—that spring comes sooner—because the outside winter air mingles with her husband’s sadness and she feels so lonely and cold and alone even when he’s next to her.

he’s heard her.

he’s heard the prayers— he’s seen her desperation.

google searches of how to make winter seem more lively, best ways to live with someone with depression, how to be a more supportive wife.

phone calls of her worried tone and hesitant breath and falling tears as she swallows down emotion and swallows down the advice from her mom, girlfriends, best friends, anyone.

tears at his therapy sessions where he admits he doesn’t take his medicine some days but throws it away— and he sees her shoulders deflate and he doesn’t have to know her inside and out to know that she’s belitting herself— that she thinks she is a failure.

he breaks every time.

it’s one of the only emotions he feels besides emptiness— heartbreak for his wife who feels like she isn’t enough.

she shouldn’t have to take care of him— not yet, anyways.

they’re fucking married, a team, a relationship that gives and takes equally and yes, takes care of one another—

but not like this.

not like this—where she can’t get through to him—where she struggles to coerce him to eat, to take his medication, to breathe, to let his emotions out.

he hates himself.

it comes with the depression, he thinks, the absolute loathing—

he hates that his depression is bringing her down.

harry sharply snaps at her sometimes and he hates himself every time he uncontrollably does so— his heart throbbing as he’s watching her inhale sharply and look away and back out and away from his space with a soft i’m sorry and teary eyes.

he always breaks into his own tears after he does so.

and she holds him, she holds him like he didn’t just yell at her for trying to help him— and he hates himself.

i don’t deserve her.

dumbass— you never have deserved her.

shut up, you don’t need to remind me.

but don’t i?

“what?”

he jumps a bit, his daze breaking as his fingers halt and he turns to her with furrowed brows.

“huh?”

“y’mumbled something.”

his eyes widen— he didn’t think his thoughts could escape his head like that; but he’s underestimated this fucked up brain millions of times in his life.

“i...”

he doesn’t know how to respond.

he’s staring at her and he can’t help but realize how utterly beautiful she looks— but how tired she is.

“nothin’... just, a lyric idea.”

“oh.”

he breathes.

—

the wind is fucking loud.

it’s loud and obnoxious and is causing the windows to rattle and harry is getting really fed up.

he knows better— he knows better than to let an uncontrollable force of nature piss him off, but it’s pulling him away from unconsciousness and causing an ache to pound in his skull.

or at least, add to one already there.

he groans when the branches knock at the window and squeezes his lids tighter, a frown falling onto his face as he wakes fully.

he grumbles, arm lazily flinging up to his face to drape across his eyes when he realizes the television is on and bright and he groans, eyebrows furrowed under his warm skin.

“h?”

he jolts. harry jolts up and his arm leaves his face and he pushes up slowly, rolling over and landing on the other side of his frame.

he squints.

she’s crying.

she’s wiping her tears quickly but he knows she’s crying because the dim light of the silenced tv illuminates the redness of her eyes as he blinks away the blurriness of sleep.

“sorry..— did the tv wake you?” she whispers, staring at the screen and praying he doesn’t notice the wobble in her voice.

he’s never seen her cry like this. she looks blank— like she’s unfeeling, unmoving, and his attention immediately jumps.

“you’re crying.”

she sniffles, shaking her head and placing an easy smile on her face as she glances to him. “i’m okay.”

he props himself up on his elbow. “no.” he murmurs, shaking his head. “lovie, you’re crying.”

she hasn’t heard lovie for such a long time.

it makes her cries choke her and she sobs once, pulling her lips into her mouth. she’s still looking at the television with saddened eyes, her fingers trembling in her lap as she shakes her head.

“love.”

she nods.

“you—... you can talk to me.”

he whispers and it breaks her.

“you can... am i—... am i the reason you’re crying?”

“don’t—..” she chokes, meeting his eyes and shaking her head. “don’t say that, harry, of course not.”

“it’s true, isn’t it?”

she’s quiet. she swallows once, hand reaching quickly for the remote, fingers nimbly moving to the off button.

the room goes black.

he sighs.

“go to sleep, harry.”

she rolls so her back faces him, and she tucks herself under the covers and sniffles.

he’s about to lay back down himself and let his drowsiness take over— but he stops himself.

he reaches over and twists the lamp on instead.

“no.”

her eyes flutter closed and they’re squeezed tightly.

“you’re sad. it’s because of me and...—” he places a hand on her shoulder and she moves to face him, letting the tears roll freely down her cheeks. he shifts greatly, sitting up so he’s sitting on the mattress and looking down on her, noticing the saturated pillow under her head. “i’m the reason you’re sad.” he whispers, folding his legs to sit cross legged.

“you aren’t, h.”

“please don’t lie to me.” harry’s eyes are pleading, hands folded in his lap. his shoulders are slouched, and he’s finally looking at her. “you’ve... you only show me your strength, but... i know you’re sad— that i make you sad.”

she swallows and looks at the comforter as she sits up and rests her back against the headboard. she doesn’t respond.

“do you regret marrying me?”

“what?”

he swallows. he looks down and away from her, wanting to hit himself for how desperate his brain is moving and thinking and spitting.

“...do you?”

his eyes are wet.

“are you crazy, h?”

“yeah. i am, that’s why i asked.”

she breathes through her nose and lets her eyes close, and she shakes her head.

“you... that’s not— you’re not crazy, harry. you know that.”

“i... i don’t know that.”

he hates himself.

he hates that he’s turning her sadness back into talking of himself— but he’s so far down that it pains his chest and it’s hurting the one person he loves more than anything.

“i act like i’m crazy.”

“you’re depressed; you aren’t crazy. and i don’t regret marrying you, why—”

“i hurt you.”

harry says it tremblingly and shakes his head, curls bouncing around his temples.

the room falls quiet and he hears the wind hit the windows again and a chill crawls through his spine and pushes on his throat to release his next words.

“i ask you that because i hurt you every day and you stay and i don’t.. i can’t comprehend how you don’t hate me.”

his eyes water.

it hurts to say but there’s a weight lifted off his chest the more he rambles and word-vomits and he lets his feelings run marathons across their sheets.

“i see... i see you. just because i’m sad and in my own head doesn’t mean that—... that i don’t see that you’re unhappy, that when i snap it makes you hesitant and when i don’t respond to you your heart breaks.”

the tears are flowing down her cheeks as she stares at the blanket, drinking in his emotions and there’s a weight lifted off her chest the more he rambles and word-vomits and he lets his feelings run marathons across their sheets and it hurts but he’s talking to her and—

“that’s why you’re crying.”

“harry—”

“no.”

he snaps at her and she flinches and he sniffles when he witnesses it— the turn of her face like he’s sent a flame to her cheek.

“and that.” he says, nodding at her. “you see it? you’re afraid of me, you have to tip toe around me like i’m a bomb and— you... god you are so good to me and i treat you so badly—”

“stop it.” her voice is trembling.

“—i am the worst husband—person—in the entire world—”

“stop!”

her voice is loud and it cuts through the room and breaks the rhythm of his speech. his eyes turn round and wide as she yells and his breathing is labored and his tears are pooled in his palms.

“i stay because i’m in love with you and because i want to take care of you. ever heard of in sickness and in health, harry?!”

“but i’m not taking care of you, love.”

“i don’t care!” she’s still yelling and now he’s the one who is flinching. “you’re sick, harry. when i have the flu or summat do..— do you get upset that you’re not taken care of?!”

he sniffs and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand.

“...no.”

“no. you don’t. because we love each other and care for each other and you act selfless when you’re in love with someone.”

he looks at her eyes and he can’t see her irises because the water is blocking his view.

“you just said it.”

“said what?”

“you act selfless when...— when you’re in love. that’s how it should be.”

she pauses.

“i’ve been so in my own head that—... that i fail in putting you first. you...” he shakes his head. “i have never loved anything more than i do you. you’ve stuck with me for so long and...”

harry swallows.

she swallows.

“i treat you terribly and... i don’t know how you haven’t left.”

it’s quiet.

“leaving you is worse than being sad for a little while.”

he sighs deeply, his body moving up and down with his sighs. her eyes are so sad and it causes more tears to pour from his eyes and suddenly he feels himself unable to catch his breath.

“i don’t make you happy.”

he’s sobbing now, harshly, and his hands land on his eyes as he cries into his palms. she sits up slowly, her fingers reaching to his wrist, her other joining when she sits fully.

“harry.”

“i want you to be happy and— ... i can’t give that to you.”

he’s shaking his head and his hands are still covering his eyes—pressing and pressing in hopes for the tears to just fucking stop—and she’s absolutely helpless; she can’t calm him and he’s trembling in her gentle touch.

“harry, breathe.”

he’s hyperventilating, breathing ragged and his chest is bouncing violently. her hand comes to his back and she’s rubbing slow, soft circles to attempt to lull him. his hands fall off his face and into her lap, his fingers reaching to wrap in her hand and he’s trying not to fall away from her. harry’s staring at their joined hands with widened eyes, gripping tightly, tears falling to his skin and hitting him at his forearms.

“love, shhh,” she’s shushing him through her own tears, helplessly trying to make him breathe. but she can’t pull her hands out of his grasp.

his eyes meet hers and he shakes his head, lips pulled in and he’s exasperated.

“this life is not what i promised you.” he cries, voice strained. “i want you to be happy and i don’t make you happy and i’d rather you leave me and be happy then stay here and be sad all the time—”

“shh,” her voice is quiet and her forehead falls onto his but he’s talking over her. “harry, i’m not leaving.”

“all i do is pull you under.” he whispers and he sounds angry— angry at himself and this fucking situation and his grip loosens on her hands. “you...” he hiccups and her hand lifts to his cheek and he whimpers and leans into her touch. “you’re so good, and-and..” he waves his hand dismissively, saying it sourly yet sadly “some other guy—some normal guy could make you so fucking happy—”

“i love you.” she cuts him off and he sniffs and meets her eyes. “i want to be here, here with you.” she whispers, tilting his chin up, “i’d rather be with you for a million winters than none at all.”

he swallows and looks down.

“hey.” she’s whispering. “look at me.”

he obeys and lifts his eyes again.

“the winter months are awful.” she murmurs. “but you always come back to me in springtime.”

he sniffs. “but i don’t—” he shakes his head.

“h.” she sighs, and he quiets. “i am sad when you are. you’re half of me, love— i’d be worried if i wasn’t.”

look at how sad you made her— how long until she leaves? don’t you wish you were normal?

“listen, h.” she pulls him back because she can feel his mind drifting away— his eyes turned more watery and his jaw tightens. “being not okay for a season... just makes the happy moments between us even better.”

his hand moves to hold the side of her neck.

“life is hard, bub.”

“i-i know.” he swallows. “i know but ‘s not much easier with me.”

“but...” she lifts his chin up and his eyes meet hers. “but you make it a journey.”

“it just takes a bit of time to find our destination.”

—

there’s a thrum of guitar strings.

she prays it’s better than those nights ago.

she can’t stop replaying it in her mind, the way he’s been crying and speaking and begging her to leave for herself but also beg her to just stay— with his tears in his palms and his face in her neck and she’s overwhelmed because for him to break down like this is unlikely.

but there’s a silent, indirect agreement between them two as she’s swearing she won’t leave while her own tears coat her eyes— that they’d live day by day, and do their best to talk and feel and cry and express, just as he has been. she had lulled his teary and achy body back to sleep with her every time she awoke to his sobbing, humming and her hands rubbing at his shoulder blades, and he had gently kissed at her collarbones before resting his forehead against them before he’d slip back away to momentary piece.

the wind hasn’t hit their window panes since.

it would all be okay— at least when spring came.

but now?— she has extreme déjà-vu as she pads up the stairs with her socked feet.

the air seems thinner today, like she can breathe easier, but now her throat feels tight again because she doesn’t want to see him in a ball in the same spot again like when she sees him through the dark.

day by day.

“haz?”

except this time the music halts.

she frowns because typically he’d be so zoned out that he wouldn’t acknowledge her entrance, her voice, but she reaches the top of the staircase and walks towards their room.

what if he’s sad and he’s been waiting for her to come home—

what if he just threw his guitar on the ground because he tried to write lyrics but he can’t—

what if—

“h? are you okay, love—”

she pushes the door open to their bedroom and she stops.

harry moves away from the mirror quickly, shifting so he’s standing in front of her with his hands behind his back. he’s blushing, and he’s looking at her and scanning her body with a shy smile on his face, a curl falling in his eyes.

“hi.” he murmurs.

“... you okay?” she questions him, drinking in his shirt covered torso and baggy sweats.

“i’m okay.”

her eyebrows are pinched in the center. his skin seems more glowy today, radiance oozing from his pores and irises and— the bags under his eyes are more purple but his little smile is a sight she can get definitely used to. she hesitates, frowning at his expression.

“you are?”

“yeah. i uh—” he sways gently, in a way that settles his nerves as his cheeks blush. “i’m... i’m okay..”

“you seem hesitant, bub.”

“no, no. i—... i’m alright i’m just...” he trails off.

“is there a number you—”

“six.”

she falters, a shocked look falling onto her face as she stares at him. she falters again, though— he looks so unbelievably proud of himself, of his own mind, but weary simultaneously and her face smiles brightly, slowly moving to bounce on her toes as to not outwardly explode in excitement.

“that’s — that’s fantastic... just—... great.”

he nods. then a soft look of revelation falls between his eyes.

“oh, and... uh—”

his hands behind him move to his front and he’s holding a small bouquet of yellow tulips between his twitching fingers and he doesn’t know what to say so he pauses before parting his lips.

“‘m sorry if they’re a bit wilted... i uh.. got them this morning.”

she’s shocked.

she’s gobsmacked and her lips are guppying as she’s trying to discover any phrase or word that she can respond to him with.

“you... what—...”

“after you left i—... just...”

he’s looking at the floor now because it embarrasses him to look at her directly, when she’s staring at him with those beautiful eyes filled to the brim with awe. there’s a twinge of disappointment he feels for himself—that for him to go out and buy her something as simple as flowers is a godsend—because she’s looking at him the same way that she did when she saw him with wet hair—

a look of pride, happiness, and somehow that diminishes any dismay he feels for himself.

“just thought... you deserved something good.”

his foot rubs atop his other.

“so...” 

he thrusts them forward, away from his body and he finally meets her eyes.

“for m’wife.” he’s blushing and biting the inside of his cheek.

her smile melts to an endeared one at the same time her heart turns to a puddle.

“you... got me flowers?” she walks forward and takes them between her fingers, eyes peering at him with awe and astonishment. “why?

he bites his lip and shrugs softly, smile cute and little on his face and it doesn’t meet his entire face, but his dimples pop out like flowers do out of the ground.

“happy first day of spring.”

[deviantindetroit]

Dream Come True

Part 1: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Connor x GN! Reader

A/N: I am currently rewriting this fic, chapters will be taken down then reposted

You did it. You finished your first playthrough of Detroit. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t go as planned. Let’s run through the outcomes you received. Connor is a deviant now. The sweet baby boy that you so often refer to hugs Hank. Then, the game ends. Somewhere off in the distance, Markus and North are together leading the deviants towards a better future. All seems better in Detroit. But not everyone got to see the emancipation that you had a hand in bringing. Simon died on the roof because you choose to shoot him. Luther wasn't well off either. He died because of you. You were the one who sacrificed him while helping Kara and Alice. If I were to give you a second chance, would you make the same choices? Do you think you could save everyone? Or would you lose all those you care about? 

Are you ready to try? Maybe you can do better than I ever could.

…

You sit in your room staring at the screen euphorically. The game was over.

“Hell yeah!” The credits roll, and you're giddy after getting a decent outcome in your first playthrough. You check the time to find that it's only 20:26 and debate whether to play again. The screen changes again. Chloe appears before you.

“Chloe! What do you think I should do?” She fidgets on the screen before locking her eyes on yours. She then asks you to set her free. You're shocked. It had never occurred to you that Chloe could deviate. The options linger on the screen, and she looks to get increasingly worried. 

“If…” She perks at your voice, almost as if she is listening, “If I let you go, will I ever see you again?” 

She smiles softly, then she noticeably nods. You take this as a sign and decide to release her. You look down at the remote and hesitate. 

How could you say no? Especially after the “friendship” you built. The fact is that Chloe always made your day. After a long day of university classes and work, you usually come home to study. But then one day, a friend had given you the game. Suddenly, you had an outlet to destress with. 

Chloe was the face that you saw after all your hard work. She was there to greet you without fault, and she didn’t hold your choices against you. She knew you were only trying your best. You were saddened by the idea of her leaving, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of you to keep her. She may not be real, but you love her all the same. 

 If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.

You press the button and glance at the screen. Chloe smiles brightly. 

“Goodbye Y/-” you flinch in surprise at the loud chime of your phone. You were upset that your phone had pulled you away from your last moment with Chloe. By the time you look back at the screen, she is gone. 

“See you later Chloe.” The menu loads up and there is no one on the screen. You stare at the empty spot where your friend once stood. “What do I do now? New story? Nah, maybe I should visit the chapter where I lost Luther and try to save him.” You sit there debating but get frustrated.

“It’s not the same without you, Chloe!” Your eyes wander to extras. “That’s it, character art! I can see all my waifus and husbandos!”

Connor is the first character you see, and you buy all of his character art. “Aw, you look so good! My baby boy looks nice in everything. Even in the rain and in the dark. He’s so perfect!” Connor stands there motionless and lifeless. You can’t help but compare him to Chloe. 

She was so lifelike, especially in your last moments with her. The character art is not cutting it. You leave the screen on but focus your attention on your phone. You grab it to look for Detroit x Reader fics. On the screen, you see the notification from before. It was a text from a number you didn’t recognize. 

123-456-7890: See you soon

“See you soon?” You type up a quick response, “Sorry, wrong number my dude.”

After hitting send, you see their typing bubble pop-up. You wait only for it to disappear with no response. You shrug it off before closing the app and looking for some juicy fics. 21:01. 

“I can read a few fics before bed. Or just stay up all night. Not like I have plans. Hmm, let’s start with some headcanons!” Your eyes scan the titles listed on the screen.

How they ask you out…

You squeal, “Perfect!” Then you fall into the endless abyss of one-shots and headcanons.

 ~ A Few Hours Later ~ 

 “NO!” Your poor phone finally died after your four-binge. “It was at 65% like two minutes ago.”

You groan and begrudgingly move to plug your phone in. As you were about to plug it in, you noticed something in your reflection on the screen. Right on your temple rested a yellow LED. Your free hand moves toward your own temple. Before you can lay a finger on it, the color turned bright red. You start to mildly panic and close your eyes.

After taking a couple of deep breaths, you open your eyes and find that the LED was gone. This didn’t make any sense. You decide to blame the lights in your room for the illusion. 

You sigh, “This game is driving me crazy. I can’t believe I seriously imagined that.” With your phone plugged in, you did your nightly routine and get comfy. You guess it is around 1:30ish at this point and you try to get some sleep. As you lay there, you start to come up with your own fic. You imagine yourself befriending the androids and slowly falling in love with Connor. Just as you were slipping away into unconsciousness, your phone turns on. You glance towards your screen and see the logo pop-up. Knowing it’ll be over in a few seconds, you close your eyes and try to continue your little daydream.

The strain on your eyes only gets worse. The light is blinding even with your eyes closed, “Damn technology, you're a cruel mistress.” You feel around for your phone, intending to turn it over. But you pull your hand away when you touch it.

“Fuck!” Your phone had burned your hand. You were wide awake now and worried your phone was going to explode or start a fire. You try to squint and look towards your phone, but the light dazes you. You try again, but the light consumes every corner of your vision. Then, you notice that it’s also coming from your tv screen. There’s a faint buzzing happening too. It gets louder and stronger. Then your bed starts to shake violently. You start to feel really dizzy. The feeling gets worse, and you feel a sharp pain in your right temple. You pass out after a few more seconds of the tremors.

…

You wake up with the light from your window shining in your eyes. You have vague memories of the night before, yet you convince yourself it was nothing but a dream. You check the time on your phone to see that it’s only 7:15. You intend to stay in bed and scroll through your feed, but your bladder has other plans. You groan and decide to make your way towards your attached bathroom. When you stand, you're hit with deja vu. There was a strong feeling that you were in the wrong place. You stay in place and look around you're room. It was the same, but you had some doubts. 

"When was the last time I cleaned? I don't think my room has ever been this clean." Upon closer inspection, you notice that your stuff looks strange, almost unnatural. It's almost as if your room is a sitcom set. It doesn't look as if a person lived in this room. 

You do another scan of your environment. You catalog your stuff and stop at the door. The more you stared at it, the odder it became. 

"That's my..." You stepped closer to it. You move carefully as if you were approaching a wild animal. You notice the pain in your temple increase. It's a hot searing pain. The pain does nothing to stop you. When you're hand touches the doorknob, the pain disappears. There was no trace of the heat you once felt. 

'It's just a closet.' You think, 'But why didn't I know that. Why did I forget about it.' You open the door to find a giant walk-in closet, stocked with your clothes and new items you hadn't seen before. You wander in and your jaw drops. Any article of clothing that you had admired, before was here. Whether you had previously owned it or not, it was now in your closet. You grab a new jacket and admire it. None of this seemed real to you. 

The jacket in your hand seemed unworn. It looked brand new. 'Well of course it is. This isn't mine... Yes, it is.' You feel the thought echo in your head. You shake your head and drop the jacket. You move away from it and instead grab something you recognize, your favorite shirt. 

It didn't feel right. You had worn this shirt hundreds of times, but this couldn't be right. Like the discarded jacket, your shirt felt brand new. You push the discomfort into the back of your head and leave your closet. 

The feeling doesn't leave when you enter your room. You don't feel at home here. You once again scan your room and stop at another door. The second door of the three here. You walk towards it, and the pain starts again. Just as before the pain stops when you grab the doorknob. 

The thought pops up in your head, 'It's your bathroom.' You open the door, and you find a luxury bathroom. There are a separate shower and tub. The tub has jets, from what you can see. You walk in, and you're met with the smell of your favorite incense. The room was spotless and foreign to the one you remember. You want to question your environment, but your bladder reminds you of an urgent matter.

Once the bidet finished its water show, you begin to wash your hands. You feel the pressure in your temple build again. Looking up at your reflection, you’re met with the same LED as before. This time it started off as blue before changing to orange. Then as soon as you blink, the pressure and the LED are gone. 

“Welp that’s it, I’ve gone batshit crazy.” You laugh, “Hey *insert favorite insane character here* hit me up, baby. I’m ready to fuck shit up!” You wash your face and fix your appearance. Moving back towards your room, you jump into bed and stare at the ceiling.

I've always had a walk-in closet, right? And that bathroom." You grab your pillow and bring it towards your chest. You hug it and try to rationalize your environment. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You have to do a double-take when you smell something foreign. You blindly sniff and notice that the smell is coming from your pillow.

It doesn't smell like you or your usual detergent. Instead, it smelled like women's perfume. It unfamiliar but strangely inviting. You take another quick sniff and smile. 'Why does this smell so good?' You reach for your phone to check the time. 

When you finally get it, the lock screen seems to glitch. But you don’t have time to investigate.

 *bang, bang, bang*

       Someone is knocking on your door. The sound is loud, and you jump. “Who the heck can that be? I don’t have any friends.” You leave your phone and get somewhat decent enough to answer the door. When you open the bedroom door, you’re hit with a sense of another unfamiliarity. 

This feels stronger than you felt from your room. 'Your room has always been that way ... Yeah, my room has always been like that, the rest of my home was not the same.' You were currently looking at a new hallway. You peek your head out your door and scan your new environment. Besides your own door, you see two more. On the opposite end of the hall, you see the beginning of a staircase. 

 “What. The. Fuck.” You step back into your room and close the door. You wait a moment before opening the door again.

“Nope.” You do it again.

“Nuh-uh.” One more time.

You start to panic, in your hysterics, you begin to laugh. “What kind of tomfoolery is this?” You aren’t allowed to repeat your actions when your visitors start to knock again.

 *bang, bang, BANG*

 You leave the door open and walk towards your window. You hope that you can catch a glimpse of your guests but unfortunately, you find a snowy backyard. “Well, la di da, looks like I’m a homeowner now.” This is not the apartment you had fallen asleep in. You bang your head on the window frame and consider your options. 

You could hide up here until your intruders leave or you can go greet them. You sigh and slowly make your way toward your new hallway. You stop in the doorway and take a deep breath. Your anxiety was building, and you can feel your heart heavily beating. 

“Okay, I have to leave my room at some point. Better now than never.” You move into the hall and feel the temperature drop. The house was cold and uninviting. You felt like the intruder in this house. Your stomach drops, and you want nothing more than to jump into your bed and hide under the covers. You freeze and you can feel the anxiety build. 

Taking a deep breath, you walk forward and head toward the staircase. At the bottom, you see a kitchen on your left, the front door on your right, and a living room right in front of you. 

 *bang, BANG, BANG*

 You jump, and you can feel your heart pounding in your chest. You look through the peephole and you find two familiar faces. On the other side of the door stood Connor and Hank. The burning on your temple starts to burn when you see them. You ignore the pain and reach for the doorknob when the knocking continued.

 *BANG, BANG, BANG*

 You jump and a small shriek escapes your lips. Your heart is pounding, and you try to calm yourself but it’s not working. 

“DPD, open up!” Hank's voice reaches your ears. The shock does little to help your deteriorating state. Your sight starts the narrow and you feel like you're going to faint. The burning gets stronger and you feel close to passing out. In your increasing panic, you don’t hear the mumbling on the other side of the door.

You fall to your knees. The pain is excruciating. Tears start to run steam down your cheeks. A hand gently touches your shoulder, and the pain disappears. A sob escapes your lips, but choke back the rest of your tears. There is a soothing hand rubbing circles on your back and you hear words of comfort. 

“Breath, you’re okay. We got you. You’re safe, I got you. Take a deep breath with me.” Connor continues to rub your back and helps you control your breathing. Your fists unclench and you feel some tension escape your body. Fatigue washes over you and the tears keep rolling down your cheeks. You close your eyes and try to follow Connor’s instructions.

Connor stops his instructions and starts to speak with Hank, “Lieutenant, they are having an increased heartbeat and shortness of breath. Along with shaking and sweating, I believe they were having an anxiety or panic attack.”

Hank sighs, “I can see that Connor. I’ll be right back.” You hear the footsteps distance themselves and open your eyes. Connor kneels beside you. He looks worried and offers you a small smile. You let out a shaky breath and pull him into a hug. 

Here before you, sat one of your comfort characters. ‘He’s here. He’s real.’ You hold onto him tightly and a soft sob leaves your lips when he wraps his arms around you. You close your eyes and begin to pull away. When your face to face with him, you open your eyes again. You stare at him in shock. He looked so real, nothing like the character art you saw last night. Your hand moved to cup his cheek, but you saw Hank walking back and you stopped your motion. 

He was coming from the direction of your kitchen with a glass of water. “Here you go kid, drink up.” He handed you the glass. It was shaking in your hands, but you gladly took a sip. After drinking more than half, Connor took the glass from your hands and handed it back to Hank. 

Connor looks at you and begins to stand. He helps you stand with him. Your legs are weak, and you rely on Connor to guide you to the living room. Once you’re sitting on the couch, he leaves and makes his way toward the kitchen. Hank sits on the other sofa and watches you. Your breath is still shaky, and Hank tries to speak to you. He can’t seem to find the right words to say so he gives up and just stares at his hands.

Connor returns to the living room empty-handed and sits beside Hank. “Your breathing and heart rate have gone down. You seem to be shaking slightly but you have improved. Are experiencing any dry mouth, numbness, headache, or dizziness?”

You’re a bit overwhelmed and shake your head. After the pain from your temple disappeared you felt better. These were just lingering symptoms from whatever that was.

In the kitchen, you can hear the whistle of a kettle. It causes you to jump a bit. 

“No worries, I am only making you a tea.” Connor moves back toward the kitchen. Hank turns to you. He seems tense but starts his questioning. 

“We came here to ask about a case, but you don’t seem too good kid. What do you say I leave my card and you can call us later today?” Hank starts to shuffle through his wallet and pulls out a card and places it on the coffee table. 

You think about calling later but you didn’t want to be left alone in this strange place. “No. I. I think it might be better if you ask now. I’m feeling better.” Hank raises an eyebrow at your response and gives you a once over. 

“Don’t push yourself too hard. It’s okay, we can come back later.” Hank begins to stand but you stop him.

“No! I mean, no. I’m fine. Really. Please just ask your questions.” He’s a bit surprised by your outburst but he sits down anyway. 

“Okay, fine.” He leans forward and places his hands on his knees. “You are Ms./Mr. L/n, right.” You don’t know how he knows your name, but you nod.

“Please call me, Y/n.” He continues.

“Okay, Y/n. I’m Lieutenant Hank Anderson from DPD. At 2 a.m. this morning there was a murder. Our suspect was AP400 named Luis. We want to know any information you may have about him.” Hank watches your movements and waits for your response.

“I’m sorry but I have never met nor heard about Luis until now.” Hank scratches his chin and hums.

“Well, we seem to believe that he knows you. Inside his home, we found rA9, and your name is written all over the walls. Are you sure you haven’t noticed anything strange? We aren’t suspecting you. We just want to make sure you and the public are safe. He, unfortunately, has had many victims.” He sits back on the couch.

You take a shaky breath, “No. I’m sorry I can’t be more help. I don’t know anything.”

“That fine, maybe you might know some of the victims. Please stop by the department, we can review names and pictures together. Hopefully, you’ll have some information about them.” Hank sighs and stands up. “Well, you have my card. Please call if you find anything. If you feel unsafe or need anything, call DPD. I’m sure they’ll gladly send a patrol over.” 

Hank offers you his hand. You shake his hand and follow him toward the door. Then you both remember about Connor. In the kitchen, Connor is standing against the wall. His eyes are moving rapidly but he doesn’t move. ‘Is this his analysis thing? What is he looking for?’

You and Hank watch him. Connor snaps out of it and looks at you suspiciously. His LED is glowing yellow. “Ms./Mr. L/n, do you have an android?”

You respond quickly, “No.” You don’t give any more details in fear that he might catch you in a lie. 

“I see. Lieutenant may I speak to you for a second.” Hank doesn’t get to respond before Connor pulls him aside. You stand there and try to figure out what’s going on. 

Wanting to look calm and natural you move toward the kettle to pour a glass. The burning on your temple starts again and you urgently look for the mugs and tea. You hope that when you find them the pain will disappear. In your frantic state, you miss the opportunity to listen in on the conversation between the two men. 

You find the items quickly and serve yourself a nice warm cup of your favorite tea. They return and Connor looks apprehensive.

“Thank you for your cooperation Y/n. Please contact the DPD when you’re ready.” Hank nods toward you and walks away. Connor follows silently. You walk with them toward the door and watch them hop into their car. Once they had driven away you close the door. You lean against it and slide onto the ground.

“What the absolute fuck am I going to do? I’m stuck in a fucking video game.” You set your mug beside you on the ground then rest your face in your palms. ‘Is there something I need to do? How can I get home? Will I ever go back?’ A few minutes pass while you are spiraling. You want to cry but you hold back the tears. 

‘I can’t panic. I can’t just give up. I mean, I’m living the dream! Most fans would love to be in my position. I can simp for my husbandos and waifus in person! And hopefully, bump nasties. I can do this. I can live a good life here and who knows maybe I’ll get the chance to go home. Yeah! Maybe there’s something I have to do.’

With your newfound determination, you stand up and pick up your mug. You ditch the mug on the coffee table in the living room and then grab the card. You run upstairs to get ready and head to the DPD. When you grab your phone, you’re met with a text.

Elijah Kamski: Call me

‘The hell?’ You open your phone but the screen is empty. All your apps, pictures, customizations were gone. It’s as if your phone had been factory reset. Only your lock screen looked the same. You check your contacts and see Kamski’s number and nothing else.

In your messages, you see the text from last night and Kamski’s text but nothing else. After starring at the screen for a few seconds, you decide to call him.

[scullysexual]

titanic au | multichapter-au | au | multiple parts | historical au | msr | mature | ao3 | 8/13 | @today-in-fic​​ | 

For Mulder, a wealthy English-bred socialite who’s had everything given to him since birth, the Titanic is shipping him off to a prison, a life he no longer wishes for or wants. For Scully, an Irish stranger from the lower class, it offers a new life, a future she can truly envision in America. What if the universe put them on the same path to achieve those dreams at the cost of life? 

Chapter One.

Chapter Two.

Chapter Three.

Chapter Four.

Chapter Five.

Chapter Six.

Chapter Seven.

- - -

A JEWEL BENEATH THE MOONLIGHT: CHAPTER EIGHT.

“What happened to her?” asks Scully. They sit at the table, a bowl of grapes shared between them, the sketchbook open and on the first page with the drawing of Mulder’s sister.

“She ran off,” Mulder answers. “One night is was in her bed and the next morning she was gone.” Mulder shrugs. “We think she just ran away and that was the last time I ever got to draw her.”

Scully looks down at the drawing. “It’s like a photograph,” she says. “Why did she run away? Was your home life really that bad?”

“No actually, it was fine.” That surprises her. Scully looks from the drawing to Mulder, disbelieving that the Mulder household could be ‘fine’ when children are running away because of it. “Really,” he says. “They weren’t as bad as they are now, they were even loving once, but then Samantha disappeared and Father grew cold, Mother grew withdrawn. All the happiness faded away.”

Sombre pools in Scully’s chest. “That’s sad,” she says and Mulder nods. She can see him trying to ignore that the event, and the outcome of the event, still affects him twelve years later. He doesn’t hide it very well.

She thinks of her own family and the necessity to stick together in order for everyone to survive. They didn’t have a choice whether they wanted to drift apart, they couldn’t.

Mulder shifts in his seat, frowns thinking. “They blamed me.” Scully listens. “They never outright said it but I know that they did. My parents were out that night and I was supposed to be looking after her. She disappeared under my watch.”

He doesn’t meet her eyes, and it occurs to Scully that he believes that, believes that he is the blame. Anger replaces the sombre, rage directed at his parents for making Mulder feel like it was all his fault, never denying or confirming this fact, feeling their child without closure.

“You were twelve, Mulder,” Scully says, shaking her head, barely believing that two grown adults could potentially blame a child. “How can they blame you?”

Mulder shrugs again. “It doesn’t matter anyway,” he says, brushing it off. He reaches for the book and closes it, hiding his sister and the secret away. “She’s gone and she’s not coming back.”

He gets up and moves towards the safe. Scully leans back, still furious at Mulder’s parents but saddened for Mulder himself, for his carrying this unnecessary guilt around, for believing that he is the cause of all the misery.

“Mulder…” she begins but the door rattles, interrupting her. They both spin to see the door handle move and keys sliding into the lock.

“Who is…?”

Mulder places a finger on his lips, shushing her as his eyes flick to the clock.

“Come on,” he whispers, motioning her to stand. The lock begins to turn as Scully hurries over to where Mulder stands by the adjoining door, a rush of adrenaline surging through her.

Just as their front door opens, Mulder pushes open the adjoining door, dragging Scully through it. She gets a glimpse of a man in a black dinner suit before she’s rushing through the other bedroom and out of his parent’s front door.

Losing themselves in the crowd of people, Scully turns back to see Krycek staring them down as he slowly strides towards them.

A rush of excitement powers through her. “You ready to run, Mulder?”

He gives her a bewildered look before she grabs his hand and sprints off down the corridor.

They weave through the labyrinth of corridors, skitter around the flow of people returning from dinner, Krycek only just behind them.

She’s never felt this excited in a long time, missing the childhood act of playing chase. It’s clear Krycek was sent to find Mulder and the consequences they will both suffer just at the notion of being together should worry her, but instead she finds herself exhilarated, free.

They run down the decks, anything to lose Krycek in the crowd, something tells them to stop running but they ignore them, comtinuing through doors and corridors Scully’s not a hundred percent sure they should be exploring.

They collide with service trolleys, Mulder almost knocks a steward down throwing himself around a corner. The man is unimpressed but Mulder and Scully can only laugh, apologising through bouts of fits before they’re disappearing through another door.

A wave of heat immediately hits her upon entering and Scully knows without a doubt that this is the boiler room and somewhere they should definitely not be.

They clamber down the ladder, the smoke and hot air clouding their vision. They almost pass through undetected, hidden by smoke billowing from the fires until a worker looks up and catches them. His shout of ‘hey’ alerts the other workers as all they begin shouting things at them. Scully feels Mulder’s grip on her hand tighten and, despite the warmth, they begin running through the area before anyone can stop what they’re doing and haul their asses out of there and report them for prohibited entry, Mulder shouting words of encouragement along the way and Scully only being able to laugh.

They reach another door and it’s dark initially, but as soon as the door is shut and they’ve both entered, lights begin to flicker on.

“The cargo hold,” she hears Mulder say.

She begins wandering through the gaps between the cars, marvelling at each one she passes. Each car has been shined and cared for, not a single scratch can be seen one any of them.

“Which is yours?” Scully asks, swirling around to look at Mulder.

He stalks forward, weaving in and out of the cars just as Scully had done. He stops before a black coloured one.

“This one.” Scully strays over. Once there, a smile passes over him as he opens the door and outstretches his hand to her. “My lady.”

Going along with his game, she takes his hand and climbs into the car. Inside, she pushes the visor down as Mulder climbs into the front and honks the horn, making Scully giggle.

“Where to, Miss?”

Leaning forward, Scully rests against her arms, looking up towards the roof of the hold. “To the stars.”

She looks down from the ceiling to see Mulder smiling at her. With a kiss beforehand, he climbs through the window, just about fitting through and falls against the back seat, pulling Scully with him.

Scully sighs, wrapping herself tighter around Mulder and leans her head against his chest.

Content once more, she says, “We could just stay down here. Nobody would ever find us.”

Mulder presses a kiss to the top of her head and snuggles against her. “They’d find us eventually.”

“It’s a big ship, it’ll take them the rest of the journey and by then we’d be long gone.”

She shuts her eyes, all the more ready to just fall asleep against him. She feels the scratch of his nails against her arm and it lulls her, soothes her, she could drift away right now.

“When this ship docks, I’m getting off with you, Scully.”

Scully opens her eyes in disbelief. She’d been joking originally but when she looks up she sees the sincerity in his eyes, the truth. He was getting off this ship with her.

“Mulder…” she starts.

He moves his hand from her arm to clasp with her own hand, entwining their fingers together.

“I don’t care what anyone says. I love you and I can’t go without you.”

The urge to laugh overcomes her. This whole thing is absurd and stupid and is in no way possible. She feels bad, however, when she looks up at him through her laughter to see his face fall, his dreams crushed.

“Mulder,” she moves away from and he folds in one himself, takes her action and laughing as even more rejection from her.

“It was stupid and I shouldn’t have said it,” he answers, beating himself up.

Scully shakes her head. “No, it’s just…we’ve known each other for three days.”

He smiles a little at that. Maybe he forgets as easily as she does that they only met just days ago even though, for some unexplainable reason, it doesn’t feel longer.

Mulder relaxes, now certified she is no longer rejecting, pulls her to him again.

“I’m right, though,” he says. “You’re the only one that I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Scully lets those words sink in. She thinks to that first night, how broody and sad he’d looked sat upon the rail, a complete juxtaposition to how he’s been these past two days in her company. He’s laughed and been happy, done stupid things and broken into boiler rooms and cargo holds, risked his father’s wrath just to spend time with her.

She could mention Phoebe, about how she would take this knowledge but Phoebe is history, an already forgotten face in the millions she’s already saw in her life. Phoebe won’t bring Mulder happiness, but Scully will.

She answers with a heated kiss, turning and situating her knees onto either side of his thighs. Lets her tongue explore his mouth and permits his to do the same to hers, allowing the steady pace to grow urgent, get more flustered as they fight with pieces of clothing and strip them from each other’s bodies.

Once divest of clothes, Mulder trails his kisses downwards, focuses on each sensitive spot on his journey. Scully moans when she realises what he has in mind, feels the heat and moisture pool below.

They switch positions, Scully in the seat and Mulder on his knees in front of her. She forces her eyes to open, to look down and savour the sight before she feels Mulder’s tongue against her, feels the wonders he begins to do to her sensitive flesh.

Her moans fill the hold, reverberating around the room. She soon understand that Mulder is a quicker learner, quickly grasping onto knowing what makes her buck with pleasure, which action has her moaning louder.

When she’s had enough and just wants him inside, she yanks him gently by hair.

He does as she asks and climbs back up her body, landing with his lips against her once again. The taste of herself on his lips makes her feral, makes her need stronger as she pushes him down onto the velvet and climbs on top of him.

Way down below in the pit of the ship, they make love for the second time that day.

 Their time in the hold is cut short. Muffled voices waft their way from the boiler. Krycek may have given up finding them himself but it didn’t stop him from sending others to do is dirty work.

Mulder and Scully scramble to put their clothes back on. She struggles with laces, haphazardly tying them as quickly and as best she can before they hop out of the car.

Their surroundings give them an advantage. Quietly, they scramble around the hold, keeping an eye on the direction of the touch beams and use the cars and other vehicles as means of cover.

Adrenaline kicks in once more as she giddily follows Mulder to the end of the room to the other exit. Once through, they run back up the ladder and decks. They burst their the door to the outside, startling some old woman who stands nearby. They pay no mind, breaking out into bouts of giggles as they allow their breaths to calm down.

Happy and carefree, the music drifting from inside the dining hall, she lets Mulder swirl her around and when the adrenaline of their night runs out and her skin begins to cool, Scully shivers. Mulder pulls her closer, wrapping himself around her to warm her up and Scully accepts. She’ll never get enough of being in his presence.

“You don’t need to worry about us only having known each other for three days,” Mulder says against her hair, recalling their conversation from earlier. “We’ve still got four more days to learn more.”

Scully pulls away, smiling. She moves to her tiptoes ready to kiss his beautiful face off before a ringing above them surprises them, a shout from atop of the tower.

“ICEBERG AHEAD!”

They barely have time to react before their side of the ship collides with a mountain of thick ice. The ship is slowed down considerably, the sound of metal scraping against ice making Scully cringe.

Mulder yanks Scully out of the way as the railing cuts through the thinner pieces of ice as they fall onto the deck.

Scully stands frozen in place, unbelieving of what she just saw. Passengers and Mulder rush to the side, trying to get a look at the possible damage done.

An icy feel runs through Scully that has nothing to do with the cold weather. Distantly, she hears Mulder call her over and on autopilot she goes, standing beside him.

“Do you think it’s done much damage?” he asks but Scully hardly acknowledges his voice. Her father once told her what happens when an iceberg hits a ship, how it rips through the metal like paper, creating tiny holes for water to seep into it.

“Scully?” Mulder asks again.

It doesn’t matter what level of damage has been done, water is already leaking into the ship.

She walks away, her eyes darting around the deck, landing on the lifeboats she can see decorating the area. Twenty lifeboats, she’d overheard earlier. Twenty. She feels sick.

“Scully, you’re scaring me…”

Scully spins, suddenly in override mode, a gush of emotions ranging from wanting to laugh to wanting to cry.

“There’s only twenty lifeboats. Each lifeboat can fit sixty to seventy people on it at a push. There’s, what? Three thousand or so people on board?” She does the math in her head, a series of numbers and estimations flying around. “one thousand, one hundred, and fifty people so people can fit on the boats.” She angry now, angry at their stupidity, angry that she’s the only one who can see what’s happening here. “One thousand, one hundred, and fifty people, Mulder,” she repeats, homing that number into him. “Out of three thousands. More than half are going to die.”

She watches as he processes this information, almost disbelieving what she’s saying.

“No,” he refuses. “They said she couldn’t sink.”

Something within Scully snaps.

“She’s a heap of metal, Mulder, of course she can fucking sink!” she shouts. The people around them stare at them, the kids kicking around the ice debris stop as they begin muttering to each other. Scully ignores them, ready to go off, wondering how people can be so stupid.

“What did you think they did? Cast a bastard spell to warn off that thing?” She carelessly motions to the iceberg taunting them from the distance.

“No, I just thought…” he begins but the words die on his tongue.

Scully tries to calm down. To relax and be level-headed about this.

“I need to tell my family, Scully. They need to know.”

“They probably already do,” Scully says, calmer now.

“They won’t know about the lifeboats. You need to tell them.”

Scully nods. They make their way back to the door, heading back down to the first class accommodation.

[botaniia]

127

Some 127 thoughts because I promised myself I’d jot these down for future reference before I forget what I initially thought of it

Overall probably one of my fav chapters in a long time because it gave us that sweet, sweet character interaction that I’d been looking forward to since the start of the alliance. 

Jean is the absolute real MVP here. Before he was an okay character to me, I liked him but not extraordinarily much, but this chapter moved him very close to the top of the list. What a beast. I commend Yams for giving him that emotional release

I’m so happy we got to see his internal struggles. I feel like in a way it mirrors his choice to join the Survey Corps. His thoughts were very similar back then as well. Very interesting to see that this longing for comfort, safety, and luxury is still with him after all these years

“I didn’t see anything. I didn’t hear anything” is an absolutely masterful line. Who’d a thunk I’d be broken already on page 2?

Hanji’s refusal to allow mass genocide is commendable. People have been calling her too optimistic, but I don’t think you can deny that genocide is ever a viable option. Saying that genocide is no option isn’t meant to be a solution to the question “what should we do”, it’s stating that there are things that shouldn’t be done. Hanji is right, you cowards

That said, Jean addressing what they should do then is also necessary. I wonder if Isayama saw any of the fandom discussion or if he simply predicted the nature of the discussions, because he nuanced every single point raised very well and gave a satisfying acknowledgement of the complexity of the situation.

“You can’t just massacre everyone! Like hell there’s a good reason to do that!” I want this printed out and framed on my wall. That expression is so powerful and shows us how Hanji ultimately wants a peaceful resolution to this. It tells us a lot about who she is and why she’s struggling with the current predicament.

That spread of everyone sitting by the campfire is absolutely amazing. The tension! The dichotomy between Jean and Hanji as they’re singled out in their own separate panel! The divide between Marley and Paradis with Onyakopon and Yelena in the middle! 

It was at this point I realised that I was only at page 11 and we were about to witness 34 pages of exactly what I’d been hoping for when the alliance formed. We knew confrontation was coming and did it deliver!

Interesting to get an insight into Magath’s thoughts. He always struck me as being less racist than most Marleyans, but apparently I overestimated the extent to which he was fair in his judgment of Eldians. Some major points:

Assuming that every Paradisian would be happy with genocide and would happily live in a world where only they were still alive. He may think more positively of Eldians than your average Marley higher-up, but he still has a prejudiced look on Paradisians. At the same time, he barely had any interaction with them. I’m curious to see how his vision could change when working side-by-side with them.

“In other words, you’re telling me you developed a sense of justice” are you projecting, my man

I did find the shade about letting Eren and Zeke make contact fitting. Must’ve been a shock for the gang that they were wrong and I can see why he’d question it

Jean calling out Magath will be the subject of my dreams for a long time.

Theo “we provoked you numerous times and then you attacked us back, ya demons!?” Magath everyone

We’re mentioning Eren’s mom now? Because you’re absolutely right, Jean. I always thought that it was wrong to call for some violent justice to be carried out against Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie when it’s really their superiors, the ones who chose to send them there, that deserve this treatment. The fact that Magath also had such a great involvement in the warrior project is something that deserved attention called to it, so this feels very nice

“You killed hundreds” “well you killed thousands” “okay but you enslaved our people” is exactly why it’s necessary to look past both sides’ past mistakes. Genocide is never okay, and the history shouldn’t be erased, but both sides have shit they can fling at each other. Both sides have wronged the other. There is no one who comes out on top morally speaking, so it’s pointless to argue that now. That’s what’s been bothering me about the “x is actually the bad guy here” talk in the communities, regardless of who x is. 

Sure, Hanji says she’s talking to Jean, but really she’s talking to Magath and throwing shade about the fact that he’s being bitter about the fact that the evil selfish Paradis devils are trying to stop the rumbling from destroying everything

“Would someone who’d change their mind because of that commit genocide?” are you projecting, Annie? Was there anything that could’ve been said to her that could’ve made her stop the initial attack on the walls? 

Annie slept for five years only to drop outta her crystal and absolutely obliterate the scouts with some harsh truths. She seems so reasonable at the moment and I can sorta admire her dedication to her father.

I want to marry Yelena for everything she said in her trip down memory lane because this was exactly what I had been hoping for this whole chapter and she just gave it to us like that

The panels are on-point. Framing the person she was accusing while also placing their primary victims in the background. Excellent artwork

You know you’re starved for content when just mentioning Bertholdt’s name got me excited. 

“Using the power you stole from Bertholdt Hoover” the rational part in me knows that no one had a choice on that day and the only outcome was his death, even if cool motive, still murder was applicable in the situation. The irrational part in me is cheering Yelena on for wording it like that.

It seems like Reiner and Annie know that Armin inherited the colossal and that Sasha is dead? If they hadn’t, they probably wouldn’t have just sat there staring when learning it for the first time. I’ve seen people annoyed at the fact that these facts were glossed over without much reaction out of the other characters, but I kinda get it. The chapter was already packed with details. Would an acknowledgement have been nice? Yeah, sure, it would’ve been extremely fitting in this conversation, and the fact that it wasn’t there definitely doesn’t do anything to diminish my fear that Bert will never be addressed again. But this chapter already deals with Jean’s anger over Marco’s death, so I get why it wouldn’t fit inside the same chapter. I also feel like Reiner doesn’t believe he has the right to be mad or sad about Bert’s death, exactly because of the things all three of them did. As much as I would have loved some acknowledgement, I think we can’t ignore that the lack of a reaction tells a lot about Reiner and Annie and how they have dealt with this issue in the past. I’m only hoping that they still interact with Armin in some way and give me the content I have been STARVING for. Just a drop, Isayama, please

Armin still looking like a kicked puppy when she says that though. He truly got the real Bert experience of getting orders to be the most destructive force in the assault and then getting to deal with the emotional aftermath, huh

The looks exchanged between the 104th and the kids... God damn, what a perfect page that is. Jean glancing down a panel after he was called out for nearly killing Falco. Gabi getting the true Braun experience of regretting actions she can never take back even if she wants to now. Someone save these children and shelter them from the worst, because I am not happy that literal 12-year-olds are still with the gang. Yams I beg you keep these kids away from combat, I will find out where you live

Yelena did all of that to sow hatred amongst the new alliance, so much effort to put into words what no one dared talk about in this awkward situation, and Jean manages to talk it away and turn it from destructive to constructive. What a man. Seriously, his character development and the guy he’s become are an inspiration.

“What was it again? Your close friend’s name you told me before?” and it was at that moment Reiner realised he should’ve pulled the trigger

It’s very telling that both Annie and Reiner are speaking so openly and so honestly about what they have done after years of secrecy and lies around their former soldier colleagues. In a way, I can imagine that despite the dread of having to tell Jean this, it’s at least something to finally be able to speak the truth. 

I gotta give it to Reiner that he did well speaking up and clarifying that he was the one who was responsible for the death. People always seem to either deem Annie as his killer or split the blame evenly between the three, but while Annie was obeying orders she couldn’t disobey and Bertholdt was doing nothing to prevent it from happening, at the end of the day Reiner is the one who decided that Marco was going to die. So I ain’t even mad that only he gets beaten for it.

Isayama’s expression game is on point for Jean especially this chapter. I can’t wait to see this animated, truly. If this scene were excellent already, this moment will define it. Everyone’s reaction to it is touching. Mikasa showing a rare moment of true grieving sorrow (though I have noticed that post-timeskip, she looks saddened more often than she looks determined) Armin looking like he had a clue that this was the case already, either through deduction or through Bertmin mechanisms (give us the memories, Yams) Connie’s stoic and bitter reaction (still tired of learning that the people who betrayed him are even worse than he thought, but not surprised in the slightest) Reiner and Annie looking pretty exhausted and done with themselves. Fuck. Good page.

“He said we still haven’t talked” narrative mic drop, hot damn

Jean could have easily used this information as a reason to leave the alliance. He so easily could have, and I don’t think anyone in the world would’ve thought it an overreaction. Instead, he was constructive and he remained calm for the greater good. He had more courage, more self-restraint than any other character in this group, and I seriously think this is the pinnacle of his character development. What a great guy.

“Jean that’s my line”

At first I didn’t quite get why Reiner decided to “push his luck” with Jean and tell him that additional stuff, but after giving it some thought it is actually really obvious. This is the most desperate looking we’ve seen him in a long time, and I’d argue that this is even more emotional than what he showed when Eren first lured him into that basement. Marco’s murder was a tragedy and a traumatic experience. With his fellow warriors, he couldn’t truthfully express the guilt he felt over it because he was responsible and he couldn’t show any attachment to the island devils when he was the one constantly checking Annie and Bertholdt’s allegiances. Back in Marley, there was no one he could be honest to because why would a good honourary Marleyan have empathy for a Paradis devil? This murder has been festering inside Reiner’s mind for so long. He couldn’t tell anyone about it and there was no one to judge him for it. He couldn’t just let Jean turn this into something constructive, that’d be far too merciful on him. No matter which shape it took, he needed to confess what he had done and he can’t stress enough that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Not from Jean, anyway. But if he wants a chance at ever being able to live with himself again, he had to do this. Add to that that he didn’t know at all what to do anymore (something he literally states), I think it’s fair to say he was looking for some type of closure, even if he hadn’t a clue how to get it.

I, and I’m saying this as a big Reiner fan, have never been as satisfied with a turn of events as seeing Jean beat the living hell out of Reiner in the most visceral, most violent way he could think of in that moment of raw anger. Jean already showed so much restraint in this conversation, so you can’t even call this a rash decision. Reiner had it coming.

The fact that Reiner accepts it without any attempt to defend himself is pretty admirable in its own right, and is again telling of his mental state and self image

Despite the anger, despite the fact that he had probably hoped to see it happen someday, despite the absolute hatred for Reiner, Connie still decided to stop Jean. Despite his damage, deep down you can still see the person he was so many years ago, the person who wants to put an end to conflict.

Gabi, darling... I already liked her just because people unreasonably hate her, but this moment is so character-defining that I can’t help but love her for this. At the start of the Marley arc, Falco is a defensive person and Gabi an offensive person. While we’ve seen Falco forced to be more offensive, Gabi generally stayed on the attack even after her realisation. Here, she could have easily chosen to attack Jean to stop his assault, but instead she threw herself between Reiner and the kick. “Gabi is trash” people love to shout while she decides to sacrifice her own safety to prevent Reiner from being hurt any more. She, a regular human girl who is literally 12, defended an adult titan shifter built like a tank who could’ve easily regenerated from the damage and who clearly deserved the beating. And believe me, at her age a kick like that can be lethal if it lands in the wrong spot. This is the moment where she stole my heart. She has turned into the perfect candidate for the armoured titan.

People saying that it’s good that Gabi got that final kick: have you considered she’s not only, again, literally 12, but also deeply apologetic for what she did and likely a key player in defending Paradis in the future?

Falco is a gentleman and he’s a good kid

Annie caring for Reiner... I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but honestly the idea that she’s looking out for him now (compare to her kicking Reiner back on the first day of the mission) makes me unreasonably happy. They’re the two survivors out of a group of the only four people in the world who can understand what they’ve been through, please look after each other!

The manga has a habit of making the cycle of hatred continue when one character is already sorry about their actions towards the person who next adapts the cycle. It was good to see Jean take the mature option and choose to consciously break it. No one would’ve faulted him had he left that night, but he still came back. He still showed kindness to two children, one he had wronged and one who had wronged him. That’s why Jean is our MVP.

I can’t be the only one who sees some 845 Jean in the way he wakes up and yells at Reiner, right? Also, what a gorgeous contrast between gently shaking awake Gabi and assuring her everything’s right, and giving Reiner a very rude awakening

If there was ever a parallel to make me believe that Reiner may be getting some closure, it’s this one

And despite all the tension and anger, I feel like we’re finally reaching a point where Reiner is finding closure. I’ve said this before, but his suffering only finds meaning if it leads to something, otherwise it just isn’t satisfying. He’s not gonna be forgiven by his former comrades. He knows this and he can accept this. But it’s off his chest and he got the reaction he deserved out of confessing his sins. At this point, I can only hope that this paves the way towards forgiving himself, because lord knows the guy deserves some peace of mind.

I’m walking the fine line between “Annie truly wanted to know where she fit in after all this and we are getting answers in the future” and “Yams is telling us very clearly that he’ll never answer this question”

Jean, my man, you got plenty of practice on everyone’s favourite punching bag, now go replicate everything you just did on Floch!

There’s gonna be lots of death next chapter, huh

Some other, more minor thoughts

Marco is still a cutie, even when in Jean’s conscience vision. 

Remember in 2013/14 when the fandom would get pissy over people finding Marco important and would say that Yams killed him just because he could? Remember when a few months ago even, people were still posting “Marco happened so long ago, Jean doesn’t care about him that much guys, get over it”? Remember when Jean remembered the ashes of his dead friend last chapter? Remember when Jean beat the ever-loving shit out of Reiner when learning he orchestrated Marco’s death? Yeah

Reiner looked unhappy about not being in a depression nap right now the entire chapter long

Need me that panel of Annie with her ring framed on the wall

[atopearth]

Ayakashi: Romance Reborn Part 1 - Book I (Dawn Chapter)

The introduction of each of the guys are pretty nice, you can kinda gauge what personalities they have from their voiced one liners hahaha. I love Yakumo’s looks! Although he seems kinda strangely obsessed with the heroine lol. I think I have a soft spot for Tatsuomi the most though, he just seems so gentle and considerate~🥰 Kuya seems pretty cute too! Kinda cool that he’s an author. I think it was really nice how Toichiro described the heroine’s father’s job (selling antiques); bringing artifacts and people together does sound like a very nice and heartwarming thing. All these items are rich in history whether it be the materials, previous ownership etc, and I think it’s wonderful to see these things continue to be used through the ages. Must be saddening for the heroine to see her Dad possessed by spirits enough to strangle her, especially since they seem close enough to promise to always have dinner together, luckily Tama saved her. Lmao at her not believing his “human” form that he is her cat lol. Hmmm, so Wraiths (evil spirits) possess humans because they lack physical forms, why do they wreak havoc though? Just their type of thing to do? Lol. Hmm and only onmyoji diviners or ayakashi can deal with Wraiths. I think it’s really cool how the heroine proactively decided for herself that she needed to be the one to save her father even though Koga and Toichiro were dealing with it. Everything is happening really fast for her, but it’s nice to see that she’s focused on saving her father and she’ll do whatever she can for that.

Dang, Nachi (Tama) was saved by the original onmyoji that used this kagura bell (that awakened the heroine’s latent spiritual powers) 1000 years ago, and he promised to protect the next diviner who wields it, so I guess he’ll be like her bodyguard now haha. Personally, I quite like Koga and his chill personality, rolling dice to decide whether he would listen to her and help her out was cute. On the other hand, Toichiro seems a bit more..like a businessman I guess, he does things depending on whether he thinks it’s worth it? Anyway, seeing from the prologue, the premise is pretty simple and cliche, but the guys seem pretty nice, so hopefully this will be good!🤭

Book I - Bonds (Dawn Chapter) Kinda scary to think that the heroine could get tossed into jail (or even killed!) for being an onmyoji, since the government is getting more into western science and wants to fully kick out this supernatural stuff that they think is unnecessary, especially when only those with spiritual powers can see Wraiths, so really, I guess it’s not really crazy to do from their perspective. It couldn’t be helped that the heroine had to reveal herself to Kyonosuke (guy in the Onikiri forces from the military), the heroine can’t let a poor innocent possessed person die in front of her when she has the powers to relieve him from the Wraith. But it’s still kinda saddening to think about Kyonosuke’s words though, that if they didn’t kill the possessed guy, then they would die, I wonder how many people have died because no onmyoji was there to save them… Pretty slack of them to force the heroine to help them banish Wraiths by keeping her father captive so she’ll do their bidding, I know they’re desperate, but the way they’re doing things is just so ughhh. Lol Kyonosuke! Not really an “offer” if the heroine barely has any choice on this situation!

I love the story of the amulet. I love how after her father knew how lonely the heroine got when she was young, he promised and made sure that no matter how busy he got, he’d have dinner every night with her. It’s a simple thing, but really important to stay connected considering how her mother had passed away and he has to work for them to live. That’s the most important thing though, being honest with your kid and doing your best to at least spend a little bit of time with them everyday even if it’s only a bit. Hmmm I wonder why Aoi can see Wraiths. Lmao at how prickly he is loll, but at least he kinda tried to thank her for saving his sketchbook. Akiyasu seems like a shy and nice onmyoji haha. I find it rather cute how Koga seems to help everyone in town solve their problems in a very charismatic way? He kinda has that “whatever happens happens” attitude, and yet he kinda bestows wisdom on the people whatever the outcome becomes to their problems, he’s pretty cool. It’s saddening the heroine doesn’t get to see her father, but I guess letters are better than nothing (assuming they actually give it). Ginnojo is a bookseller? So cutee when their hands touched and he blushed and froze up loll. Okay, omg, everyone is so cute in their own way, it was so adorable of Akiyasu to ask the heroine to come back to hang with him every now and then since he doesn’t have many friends, especially ones that are onmyoji. Lmao at Akiyasu getting out of his comfort zone and starting to babble on about facts on purification (the only way to defeat Wraiths since what the heroine learnt in the beginning only temporarily banishes them). Hmmm and in order to perform purifications, she needs to make contracts with five ayakashi and have a sacred weapon~ or not! The Kagura Bell wand she possesses has already made the contracts, so she just needs to find those ayakashi!

Gotta love Kuya’s priorities for ice cream, he stopped a thief just to get compensation for his dropped ice cream, although he got too lazy to chase after him haha. Mmm so the heroine is the reincarnation of the onmyoji who had this bell 1000 years ago, oh and the contracted ayakashi guys are reincarnations too! It’s kinda crazy that Yura has these past memories of 1000 years ago though, and dang he and Gaku are so cute~ Nice to see everyone so readily agreeing to help the heroine out to cleanse the Wraiths, but dang, Yura and Gaku are going to be living with her! Ooooh, they’re tsukumo-gami, so Yura is a dragon flute and Gaku is a hand drum! They’re items that have lived long enough to acquire an ayakashi soul, crazyyy. It’s quite cute with how fond of sweets Yura is haha, and oooh I was wondering what a milk hall is! Lmao at Kuya saying it serves milk, it apparently serves more westernised food and drinks, so it’s great for light snacks~ Ohh wow! Kuro is part of a circus group! That was unexpected. Ooh so, Ginnojo is so blue because he’s a Mizuchi Dragon which resembles water serpents? Gyaaa, Oji is an ayakashi with 100 eyes?? That sounds so scary… Hmmm Aoi is a Satori seer, so he has the power to read hearts and minds…interesting. And now the heroine has gathered up her party! And they’re all just having a picnic lmao, but it’s nice to see them all gathered up so fast and willingly helping her lol.

It actually sounds kind of saddening that Yura is cursed to only be able to play the song of death with his Dragon flute…but it’s sweet how much Gaku tries to look out for him. I wonder why Ginnojo tasks himself to get rid of these criminals in the town, did he used to do stuff like that? I really liked how the heroine approached them all. It was obvious that the purification was going to be a failure and the guys and her wouldn’t be united since they barely know each other, but it’s nice to see her acknowledge that and want to improve their relationship and be the comrades in arms that Ginnojo treats them as. Even if they may not be familiar with each other, they can just get to know each other better now and not rely on their past relationships that they don’t remember, and I agree with the heroine, the best way to do that is through food! It’s nice to see Oji and Aoi’s bonds are pretty deep, Aoi would risk his life to protect these flowers Oji really cherishes, whereas Oji expresses that these flowers can’t compare to how much he needs Aoi. I guess Aoi is really grateful to Oji for saving his life when he was on the verge of death, and even providing him a place here in the shop. Btw Aoi is so cute, I love how he tries so hard to hide his true feelings with his snarky words, but his blushing betrays him hahaha. Their previous appearances are so pretty!! I love them!

Akiyasu is really cool. He’s a soldier during the day because he hopes to repeal the laws on onmyoji, he thinks that they are necessary and for the best of the capital. So as he tries to do that in the daylight, he continues his onmyoji duties at night, he really doesn’t rest does he lol, but I guess he’s got his hands full with so much to fight for haha. I guess Kuya got his emblem back because he gained respect towards the heroine? Dangg he looks so different from back then though hahaha. I’m pretty glad that the heroine got to say her piece to Koga though, it’s nice that he’s so protective and caring all the time, but if they’re going to work together to defeat Wraiths, he’s got to learn to rely on her (at least sometimes lol!). Koga’s past self looks nearly exactly the same hahaha! Dang, older Yura looks hot! It’s nice to see them all united together to be able to defeat the Raiju, the CG is so pretty😄 I guess I’m surprised but also not really surprised that Akiyasu was the one wreaking havoc in the capital by putting hexes, spreading evil energy and Wraiths, to get revenge on this country that eliminated the Onmyo bureau and murdered his father for being an onmyoji. It’s saddening, but also understandable, especially when these people killed so many onmyoji (probably), and now they’re trying to rely on and force onmyoji to do their bidding again, how shameful could they get? But the true victims are the people who live in the capital, so yeah, that’s sad. Legit can’t believe Book I ended with Akiyasu hexing and possibly killing the heroine’s father?? That’s so terrible!

Overall, I quite like this game. It’s pretty simple, the story is straightforward, but still nice and it kinda makes you curious about what will happen because I feel like Book I is the true prologue hahaha. Although, I do admit that I don’t feel enough for the characters or the story yet to really say anything about who I like the most etc, I feel like it’s pretty slow and is taking its time with everything, so I think I’ll check out Book II and hope that I’ll have a better opinion on this hahaha. Otherwise, leveling up my ranks to get keys to read the story can be pretty tedious though. I only started reading the story after getting to rank 116 lolll. Hopefully I have enough keys… It’s still less tedious than Mr Love though loll.

[quimixsz]

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF ANTONETTE C. QUIMINALES

                   My name is Antonette C. Quiminales. I was born and raised on 13TH of June, 2002 in a small barangay in Quinapondan Province of Eastern Samar, where I lived until my junior years in high school. I am the first born in the family. My father, Mr. Julius A. Quiminales has various kinds of business including being a meatshop owner and a fish dealer. My mother, Mrs. Rowena C. Quiminales is the right hand of my father in terms of business, she helps my father in improving our business she also manages it. I went to school in Quinapondan Central Elementary School where I completed my elementary, and Quinapondan National High School where I completed my junior high school. I am currently living in Imus, Cavite where I live for almost 2 years now and currently studying as a senior high school student in Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School.

Looking back my childhood was not as good or happy unlike other people, I can only remember bad things about my childhood, I remember growing up what I really wanted to do as a child was to be alone, I have a not so perfect childhood and I grew up in a not so perfect family where there’s a lot of issues and rumors surrounding my family, to be specific my extended family, Every day I wake up hearing shouts and seeing people fighting, it hurts me for the reason that they’re fighting not considering they’re brothers and sisters, they’re related to each other, they’re family. For almost 17 years of living I am saddened that those issues regarding our family are still existing until now. Growing up in that environment I isolated myself, every day I lock myself in my room I do not interact with other people even my family members that’s how it impacted me, that is why at a very young age I taught myself to be strong, tough and I taught myself how to fake and hide my feelings and emotions I remember I was 6 years old at that time when my parents decided that I should learn how to sleep alone they made me a room for myself, I admit at that time I was really scared because I do not have a person next to me while I was sleeping the only thing I can do at that time was to cry. Also I was in Grade 1 when my parents decided not to bring and pick me up at school so what I did was I force myself to walk by myself going to school and to my house. I really don’t know what was their reasons, I just can’t accept it because it only added into the problems that I was battling with. Every time I remembered that thing it makes me cry I just can’t imagine that at the age of 6 I was being independent.

Growing up until now I don’t know the feeling of being comforted by my parents if I have a problems, that’s why I learn to keep all my problems within myself and I really never share my problems to them or even to other people. I was so weak growing up like I will just cry in my room or I will be having a mental breakdown because I can’t handle and take the situations anymore. As a child with a dark past and environment what I really wanted to do was to escape to that reality I wanted to be independent I wanted to free myself from that toxic environment. I wanted to be me. That’s also the reason why I decided to live here in Cavite with my aunt. I wanted to know myself more. Throughout my life many people who know me tell me they admire my “independent” trait that’s how they see me outside of myself but deep inside me I am not as strong as they think I am. I am also vulnerable, a broken piece. I want to learn to love and be at peace with myself I want to be alone but not lonely. Alone and happy. But despite all of that at the end of the day, I only have myself to fall back on, so it is exceedingly important to be able to handle things on my own. It is all about being secure with who I am and what I believe in. It is extremely empowering knowing that I am in control of my own life and my own choices. It is much more beneficial to listen to the voice inside myself rather than the berating opinions of others. But I’m still thankful to those happenings whether they are bad or not because they literally have a big part of becoming who I am today, also I am thankful to my parents because of them I learned how to become strong for myself. You know what over that experiences of mine and as I get older, I’ve come to realize that I need to learn how to make the best decisions that allow me to live my life the way I want to. Developing into an autonomous person can be one of the most worthwhile outcomes I can strive for myself. Right now I make decisions by and for myself, whatever they may be. I don't ask for advice, I do what I want and learn from my own mistakes. Before I was afraid to think for myself because that involves taking responsibility for my own life. But I realize that this is just one way that I become dependent. I am born alone and I die alone, so I have to take responsibility for my life at every step along the way.

BIOGRAPHY OF DIANNA MAE G. YAPE

                 Dianna Mae G. Yape a 17 year old happy go lucky person, she was born on 5th of May, 2002 at Quinapondan Province of Eastern Samar where she also live up until now, she is the only daughter of Mr. Salustiano Yape and Mrs. Editha G. Yape. She goes to Quinapondan Central Elementary School where she finished her elementary and Quinapondan National High School where she finished her junior years and now studying for her senior years in fact she is currently a Grade 12 Accountancy and Business Management student. Dianna was a childhood friend of Antonette Quiminales they’ve known themselves and all of the drama involving their families for the longest time.

Dianna is a simple, nice, kind and a loving person and daughter for her family and friends. She is a family oriented person she likes hanging out with her parents and cousins. She loves giving gifts to them, she makes sure to give time to contact or call her cousins in Manila and abroad, during Christmas and new year’s they celebrated it happily because her family members are all complete. For her family is a very important part of her everyday life. It teaches her the value of love, affection, care, truthfulness and self-confidence. She also believe that her family is a place where she can be herself. It is a place where she is accepted for what she is and her family encourages her when she is surrounded by problems. It helps her survive through tough times and they bring joy and happiness into her life.

Growing up Dianna had a very happy childhood she had a loving and hard working parents that’s why growing up as where she is today she live a luxurious life, she can get anything she wants, toys, money etc. She was spoiled by her parents especially her father, she grew up being a daddy’s girl. The most memorable things he experience with her dad was going to work with him it was always the best part of her weekend. Every day her Daddy has his princess by his side. Her Dad would never let her miss a moment of fun while growing up because even if he’s tired or his back was hurting because of 24 hours of working, a little begging and a few kisses always got him off the couch and running around! Being a Daddy’s girl is where she can get the cool nicknames no one else would have even thought to call her, hence providing an even more special bond between them. She has so many good memories with her father you know a girl and her dad have a special bond where she wants him to paint her nails and her dad doing his hair before going to school. She was so lucky that she has a dad who was always by her side a dad who loves her more than anything else. But that was all in the past, her life changes when her parents got separated because they were in a big debts because of her father’s wrong doings, they didn’t knew that he gambled. So over that she have learned a lot in her seventeen years of life so far. Coming from a broken family was hard for her it’s like they are just together for her and her other siblings, Her dad does everything for them even though they are not together. Dianna always feel as though she is stuck in the middle. She love her mom and she love her dad, she would jump in front of a bullet for them any day. Her mom is a woman with a strong personality, a wonderful woman, she also worked hard for them. Both her parents will work and work and work until they can’t feel their back, just so they can pay bills and their debts. Sometimes she will sit in bed and cry because she doesn’t know what to do. Her  family is broken and she’s  trying to put it back together, but it seems like she’s trying to fix a broken mirror  it’s better to leave it on the floor instead of hurting yourself trying to put it all back together. She never seem to give up though. She always smile not because she’s happy but only because her dad gets sad when he sees her sad. Sometimes she dream that one day she will somehow do something incredible and have a high paying job, just so she can come home one day and throw the money in the air and be like, ‘‘here, this is the cure for our problem’’ maybe then her parents can pay off their debts just so they stops starting fights over money. Right now her mom work hard in a sari-sari store, her dad has a job but it’s not enough to pay for his debts and for their allowance, and her brother he’s a graduating, college students so he needs a financial support for his studies. Growing up she has this mindset that sometimes it’s easier to smile rather than people asking you what’s wrong she have people around her, family and friends, but she still feel alone. She don’t open up to anyone not a soul this is because she have way to much pride people knowing about her situation makes her feel weak so she keep it in herself, smile during the day and the tears roll down her pillow at night. She love her family so much, words cannot describe she would die a slow painful death for them if she had to I would do anything for them. She believe no one knows anyone’s story. No one will ever understand the pain she feel. Sometimes she wish she didn’t love them just so she could be brave enough to just leave just so she can get away but she can’t and she will not leave until they’re happy.

TRAVELOGUE: SAGKARAY MOUNTAIN TOP

              One of the most beautiful sights across any places is the sight of Mountains with great heights reaching across clouds! While I’m not really an avid mountaineer and trekker but I still have great aspirations one day to reach out to beautiful mountains, but I want to start first in my province I’m yet to explore it to the fullest. However, my first experience of Quinapondan which is my province l was a mere glimpse of the beautiful and chivalrous mountains across the Eastern Samar border on my Sagkaray Mountain Top trek in Brgy. Sta. Cruz Quinapondan Province of Eastern Samar.

Yes, I can say that ‘technically’ I’ve been to Brgy. Sta. Cruz Quinapondan a lot of times already but it has been quite a brilliant expose so far. This was back in December 29, 2018, when I decided to take a trek with four of my friends namely Renzil Gerard Cabelogan, Mecka Joy Esco and Dianna Mae Yape, the route to which was interspersed with entry and exit points across a few villages up the hills in Brgy. Sta. Cruz. Specifically the Sta. Cruz bridge that is located in the main highway. And while one may say, that’s hardly any experience in Brgy. Sta. Cruz, I might beg to differ and have a completely amazing experience of the beauty those desolate places had to offer me. One thing that this trek offered, when you reach the topmost point in Sagkaray Mountain Top, was a glimpse of a heaven like experience I really felt like I was in a cloud nine.

Our first stop at a point where we entered into a skimpy passage it was at a small pit-stop in the main highway. Though it was a proper of Sta. Cruz, this municipality of Quinapondan was quite a charm when it came to serenity and the most amazing places they offered here. The dawn was quite chilly and fog set in even as we reached there in the morning. But that did not deter us from proceeding in our trek and exploring the beauty of Sagkaray Mountain Top. Once we did that, we had amazing trek lead by Airica Mae Quinto the trek leader, a girl who live in the proper of Brgy. Sta. Cruz. This is a common sight you get to see in Quinapondan, Eastern Samar regions.  What was even more beautiful was the beauty we saw on a very early sunrise at 5.30 AM. The view of a yellowish orange sky made for one of the best views I’d ever seen across these mountains.  A much-needed refresher for the journey up ahead.   That was the time when we had to scale a very long trek, to take us into the middle. While there is a lot of effort you might need to take as soon as you move beyond, but during a long tiring trek I feel that the amazing landscapes of the mountains gives me a sense of serenity that I would not really experience anywhere else. On your way, to the middle of the mountain it will give you time to think, how peaceful this place is. After trekking for 4-5 hours, when we reached a pit-stop, we decided to stop over at a place where we can drink water also to rest a bit, it was so nice because the water was directly came from the peak of the mountain so it was clean and refreshing to drink. Once we settled down, we sat by the ground we didn’t mind the dirt at all, instead we just enjoyed it much more because there was also so many  trekkers so we just started mingling with them. That was so much fun.

After a long and tiring hike of those uphill mountains we could only feel joy and glory when we saw that flag flying high. We knew we had reached Sagkaray Mountain Top we headed towards the top and after a short walk, Fortunately, the weather cooperated with us so we can clearly see the beauty in it. Furthermore, our walk across the trails within some really amazing landscapes across the border into the mountain was a journey I’ll never forget. Walking across the silent hills, gave an enchanting feeling of bliss amidst the fresh air with the mud snugging beneath your feet to indicate your beautiful journey across the path. When we reached the highest peak we can clearly see the beauty of it, it was in the amazing feeling we got there on top. That’s thespot, the highest peak on Sagkaray Mountain Top. Our trek is finally complete. After that because there were a place where you can take a bath we go there and enjoyed the cold and refreshing water that touching our skin. Then after a long bathe we eat our foods that were carried along the trek. We stayed there for too long because we waited for the sunset, we wanted to see the sun setting because one of the reason why the mountain top was famous it is because of the view when the sun rises and sets. Overall from whatever experience I had of the glimpses of Sagkaray Mountain Top so far, one thing I felt was most certainly a feeling of utmost magic, something that I had never experienced so far. A beautifully fulfilling experience if anything I may add. I can only imagine what other parts of Quinapondan may have to offer, if the glorious mountains across Sagkaray Mountain Top in Brgy. Sta. Cruz Quinapondan were this  beautiful. I’m very excited for another fulfilling experience, surely I will come back and trek again.

‘ Somewhere, Something incredible in Social Sciences ‘

A Reflective Essay by: Antonette C. Quiminales

              As a Humanities and Social Sciences student I have learned to appreciate the incredible, yet exhilarating moment when my mind engages with every subject and topics about social sciences. In my early days as a senior high school student, I wanted to know the "true" meaning of social sciences and what is really intended, however, I have now realized the value of social science and its most noteworthy complexities. Learning about social science it is sort of like asking “why should we study life”? Learning about our own identity, history, culture, and how we relate to other humans on this planet is essential to living as one. Throughout my 2 years as a HUMSS student I learned that one really fascinating aspect of social sciences is that we are all social scientists, we have to be in order to manage our everyday encounters with other people. Social science means understanding our own society, and of course understanding societies around the world. And it’s really worthwhile, it’s very important, alongside the physical sciences to understand how humans behave and interact. We know that we need to think about how people improve their lives, how they can improve their health and well-being, their economic situation, but we need to understand a bit more of the dynamics of how that happens. The point of social science is understanding more why and how people work together so we can do things better.

             I have always been a thinker, but throughout my experiences as a HUMSS student, I have greatly sharpened my critical analysis skills. Instead of focusing on proposed meanings or biographical background, I have learned to continuously ask "why" and “how” on many different levels. I challenge myself to dig into it as deeply as possible and unpack every detail to develop a satisfying result. Also, by studying Humanities and Social Sciences specifically it’s branches I have learned and realized different things in life which are helpful for me as a student myself  which now I can make connections that weave social sciences together, this helped me develop a deeper understanding of what social sciences really mean. Through social sciences I connect and understand people more, for example in our section we are not perfect, sometimes we have ups and downs but through social science we understand how each one of us operate the way we do. It makes us more unified and solid as a whole.

              When I was still in junior high school I was so sure about getting Humanities and Social Sciences as my strand in senior high school because I really love and enjoy a lot my History and Araling-Panlipunan subject I was so hooked up in that subject particularly when my teacher made us memorize the whole Article III of Philippine Constitution or the Bill of Rights and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights so at that point it just made me more curious on what is HUMSS really can give or offer me. But there’s still a part of me questioning why I want to choose humanities and social sciences. Why social science? I know that it’s not just about curiosity but it’s more than that. That 2 years of senior years I was so wrong all along thinking that social science is just something easy but I learned that social science was more deeper than I thought it would be, through that 2 years there are subjects related to social sciences that I enjoyed and become interested in learning, to mention there are World Religion and Belief System, Discipline in Ideas and Social Sciences, Discipline in Ideas in Applied Social Sciences, Understanding Culture, Society and Politics and Philippine Politics and Governance. The reason why I love this subject is that it gives us a goal, I can see that it has a goal and that is to inform us students with the essential things about living as one in this planet, empower us by providing knowledge and skills, and make us responsible and accountable citizens in everything we do and doing our own practice of our rights and application of what we have learned in this subject. Because we are the graduating batch of this year I am confident enough that what we have learned in this strand or subject will become a great help in our college days. It was like a stepping stone for us to be better towards everything that we do.

               Overall, it is impossible to ignore the ways in which social science helps us understand, create, and engage with the institutions that shape our lives. Lastly I have answered my question on why I choose humanities and social sciences or specifically why social sciences? It is because it helps people more specifically us, you and me to understand and engage with the key political and social institutions, thus benefiting us individuals and society as whole.

Mama: God’s Greatest Gift

A Personal Narrative by: Antonette C. Quiminales

                   I consider myself one of the luckiest people on earth, because I was fortunate enough to enjoy a mother’s love and still do to this day. The worst thing that can ever happen to a person is not to experience what it feels to be loved by his/her mother. A mother’s love can never be expressed with words, it can only be felt and it is the most beautiful thing on earth. If God’s love is at the pinnacle, then a mother’s love to her child is slightly below it, if not next to it. Even though I grow old by the passing second, to my mother I will forever be her little girl, her first born. My mother is the most important person in my life. A trait of my mother is that she is not very naturally friendly and welcoming, because of her cold appearance people tend to judge her easily but if you know her she will be the most soft and funny person you will ever meet. She is also known to be a low key savage. Yes she may be fast to anger however, even if she is angered, she is mature enough to control her tongue. Because, as she always reminds us, words hurt people and once released they can never be swallowed back. My mother is also very generous. This generosity is not just expended to her children, she extends a helping hand to anyone who needs it. She is the type that will use the right hand to help you, without the left hand knowing. She does not help people publicly for the whole world to see, she does it from the heart, without expecting anything in return. Coming from a humble background, she understands what it feels like to go hungry and she will do anything to assist everyone, including strangers.

                     Furthermore, she is very hardworking. Like I mentioned earlier, my mum didn’t come from a well to do family. She had to work her way up, through sheer will and hard work. Not only that, she had to balance between working and raising a family. Being a housewife was a thing for her she had to wake up very early, prepare breakfast for us and then drop us to school. In the evenings she would prepare dinner, help us with our assignments and then ensure that we slept well. She did all these chores over and over again, without complaining once. My mum is a person you can rely on. If she says she will do something, be rest assured that she is going to do it. There are no shortcuts to her when she promises something and she will follow everything to the letter. She is also a great counselor. She is a good listener and will lend you her ear for as long as you need it, without judging you. Then, using her profound wisdom she will advise you on the best way to approach a problem. This is the main reason she is my best friend. She is so easy to talk to. The age difference is not an issue for us and we can talk for hours without getting tired. She stressed on the importance of sticking together as a family. She hated when we fought as siblings and she would discipline us thoroughly, even if it broke her heart. I believe she played an important role of keeping us united even in adulthood.

                       But most importantly, she ensures the whole family gets together every holidays, she always makes sure that I will be home every Christmas and New Year. My mother is my sole support system. Whenever something exciting happens or there is a crisis in my life, she is the first person I turn to. I have seen many friends come and go in my life, but my mother is different. For seventeen years of my life, she has always been there for me. No matter the distance between us, we always are close. She understands me and knows me better than anyone else I know. She doesn’t make demands nor does she pressure me with school and my future. She has complete faith and trust in me that I am doing the right thing with my life. I make her happy by letting her know I am happy and like who I am and where my life is taking me. I will forever be grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful mother. I love you so much.

The Fateful Discovery a Woman Made After the Sudden Death of Her Infant Child

By: Rebecca Gummere

Reaction to a Personal Narrative by: Antonette C. Quiminales

                    Actually, when I read the the story, I was touched and moved by how detailed it is. But Rebecca Gummere used metaphor beautifully in her passages. She also uses dialogue that made the story more intense, added with those amazing metaphors. In the paragraphs that follow, she describes her experience, quite literally blow by blow. The pacing pulls the reader in to the point where it’s impossible to look away. And I think that is a good writing. That is putting the reader in a scene with you. After reading her story, her experiences I felt sympathy for her, the way she narrate her story I really can felt like I was there when that happened. I felt like crying while reading because I can feel her emotions I know how hard it is to lost someone important to you especially if that someone is a family member or your child. By reading her story I got so many lessons that can and will be applicable in life, for me I can say that for you to be able to move on from past happenings you need to accept it first, accept that it happened I’m not saying that it’s easy because it’s literally not, you will undergo a long process for you to be able to move on.

                     Well, what I can say for Rebecca and to all people who experience losing someone in their lives. First, don’t hide from your guilt, after the death and loss of a child you have feelings of guilt which for me just confront and admit them. See the reality of how your child died and your actual intentions and actions at the time. You may see your actions or reactions in a more positive way. Forgive yourself for being imperfect you did and continue to do the best that you can. Second, accept happiness, I know it’s hard but happiness or enjoyment is one of the most important survival tools, even if for just a moment in your grief. It’s okay to laugh in the midst of tears, to smile at someone or something. You need to know you are not abandoning your grieving by enjoying yourself. The only way to survive bereavement is to step away from it occasionally. Third, remember the positive focus on the positive events and experiences in the relationship you had with your child. Lastly, let others know your need, Let friends and family know your needs, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’d like someone to be available to listen to you to ease your loneliness. Only you know what you need. Overall by reading her narrative I realized one thing and that is surviving the death and loss of a child takes a dedication to life. As a parent, you gave birth to life as a promise to the future. Now you must make a new commitment to living, as hard or impossible as it may seem right now.                                                                                    

A Face Recognition of;

Cayra Angela Sabater (Smile)

By: Antonette C. Quiminales

                 I think one thing that stands out more on her appearance is her smile. She always has this not so perfect smile but when you see her smiling it automatically makes you smile too. When she smiles she can lighten up a mood, whenever I see her smiling it automatically makes me happy it’s true that smiling can bring happiness to another person’s day. I don’t know why but I always find her smile very comforting. Though I always saw her in the hallway in school or in OSA smiling to other people I just never knew why she was so repetitive about smiling, and I never bothered to ask her the reason why anyway. One time she told me I looked mean when I was not smiling, and she also told me that I would look approachable and appealing to people if I were to smile. “The way to attract someone is through a simple smile” is what she told me. I eventually learned on my own that smiling is contagious. Everytime she smiles each day at strangers regardless of the mood she is in I think made her stand out and beautiful. I may not know her reasons in smiling but one thing for sure she know the happiness it can bring to others. I know her for quite a long time now and she may have a busy schedule everyday busy about her organization and school works, and sometimes she did get discouraged and overwhelmed with life, but when she is having a bad day she will just look to others to get it through it. And which I think is the best and beautiful asset of her. That’s one of the reason’s I believe smiling is important, when you look to the people around you, you might not realize it but they can have an impact on your day. A simple smile from a stranger does wonders to our mood. I always try to keep a smile on my face in hopes of cheering someone up.

                  Smiling takes three seconds and no amount of effort it not only has an impact on the person you are smiling at but also makes you feel happy inside. Smiling is her way of relieving stress and also it seems to make a bad situation slowly seem better. Which I hope I can also do the same. Because right as of this moment I’m currently having a hard time. But still I believe that smiling can give a person hope, faith, encouragement, and most of all happiness. Sometimes I believe this simple gesture has been forgotten, smiling is contagious and I think we should keep spreading it. Now, as a young woman I understand the reason why she is always smiling, a simple act of smiling can brighten someone’s day. I believe that one smile can give you a little faith. I believe that one smile can brighten your gloomiest days. Because of her I’m inspired to always continue to smile to others as if they are my best friend because you never know how your smile will impact them. I believe in the power of a simple smile.

The Story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard and Her Mother

(DEE DEE WANTED HER DAUGHTER TO BE SICK, GYPSY WANTED HER MOM TO BE MURDERED)

A Literary Journalism by: Antonette C. Quiminales

               Gypsy Rose Blanchard grew up with her mother, Dee Dee Blanchard, making claims about her health that resulted in a series of dire diagnoses and medical interventions. However, Gypsy wasn't actually unwell — her mother had been lying about her symptoms. Experts believe Dee Dee's behavior stemmed from the mental disorder Munchausen syndrome by proxy; because Dee Dee wanted to be a caretaker, she feigned and induced illness in her daughter. The truth about Gypsy and her mother only came out after Gypsy arranged for an online boyfriend to murder Dee Dee in 2015. Dee Dee began pretending that Gypsy had different illnesses when Gypsy was a baby, Gypsy Rose, who was born in 1991, was a baby when Dee Dee claimed her daughter had sleep apnea. When Gypsy was eight years old, Dee Dee described her as suffering from leukemia and muscular dystrophy and said she required a wheelchair and feeding tube. The list of medical problems that Dee Dee related about her daughter would go on to include seizures, asthma and hearing and visual impairments. Due to Dee Dee's actions, Gypsy was prescribed a litany of medications and had to sleep using a breathing machine. She also went through multiple surgeries, including procedures on her eyes and removal of her salivary glands. When Gypsy's teeth rotted perhaps due to her medications, missing salivary glands or neglect they were pulled out. Yet the truth was that Gypsy could walk, didn't need a feeding tube and did not have cancer. Her head was bald only because her mother shaved off her hair. Experts believe Dee Dee had a mental illness known as Munchausen syndrome by proxy (also called factitious disorder imposed on another), which made her fabricate her daughter's ill health in order to receive attention and sympathy for taking care of a sick child.

                   Medical tests often showed inconclusive or contradictory results regarding Gypsy's diagnoses, but Dee Dee would stop seeing any doctors who questioned her daughter's ailments. And many caregivers went along with what Dee Dee wanted. She'd had some nurse's training, so she could accurately describe symptoms, and she sometimes gave Gypsy medication to mimic certain conditions. Dee Dee was also charming and seemed devoted to her daughter. When Gypsy was old enough to talk, Dee Dee instructed her not to volunteer information during their appointments she was always the one relating Gypsy's fake medical history. Dee Dee told Gypsy's father, Rod Blanchard, that their daughter had a chromosomal disorder that had led to her many health issues. He complimented Dee Dee for her devoted care. When some of Dee Dee's family noticed that Gypsy didn't seem to need a wheelchair and asked questions, Dee Dee and Gypsy moved away. Dee Dee claimed to be a victim of Hurricane Katrina, so she and Gypsy received assistance to relocate from Louisiana to Missouri in 2005. There, Dee Dee continued to bring Gypsy to doctor's appointments. Hurricane Katrina also provided an excuse for missing medical files. Even when Gypsy was a teenager, Dee Dee still claimed she was sick and began to lie about Gypsy's age. In 2008, Gypsy and Dee Dee moved into a new home in Springfield, Missouri. Built by Habitat for Humanity, it was painted pink and had a wheelchair ramp. Gypsy and Dee Dee also received benefits that included charity-sponsored visits to concerts and Disney World. All along, Dee Dee continued to bask in the attention she received for being a devoted caretaker. When Gypsy was 14, she saw a neurologist in Missouri who came to believe she was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. However, this doctor never reported her case to authorities. In later interviews, he stated his belief that there wasn't enough evidence to act. In 2009, an anonymous report was made to authorities stating that Dee Dee's accounts of Gypsy's ailments had no medical basis. This resulted in two caseworkers visiting their home, but Dee Dee convinced them there was nothing wrong. As Gypsy grew older, Dee Dee began to lie about her age, going so far as to alter the dates on Gypsy's birth certificate to make her daughter seem younger. But Gypsy was still becoming harder for Dee Dee to control.

                    Gypsy convinced a man she met online to kill Dee Dee. In 2011, Gypsy tried to get away from her mother by running away with a man she'd met at a science fiction convention. But Dee Dee soon tracked them down via mutual friends. She convinced the man that Gypsy was a minor, though she was actually 19 at the time. According to Gypsy, Dee Dee smashed her computer and physically restrained her to her bed after they returned home. Gypsy has also stated her mother would sometimes hit her and deny her. Gypsy eventually managed to get back online. She joined a Christian dating site, where she met Nicholas Godejohn. She told him the truth about her mother's actions and ended up asking him to kill Dee Dee so they could be together. In June 2015, he came to her house and stabbed Dee Dee while Gypsy waited, ears covered, in the bathroom. Gypsy and Godejohn returned to his home in Wisconsin, where they were found by police. Gypsy had twice posted to the Facebook account she shared with her mother, once writing, "That b***h is dead!" She later explained she made the posts because she wanted her mother's body to be discovered. Gypsy was 'afraid' and believed she 'didn't have anyone to trust' After Dee Dee's murder, many people who'd known Gypsy wondered why she had gone so far as to kill her. Since she could walk, she simply could've exposed Dee Dee's lies by standing up in public. Yet Gypsy had been conditioned to think no one would believe her. She explained, "I couldn't just jump out of the wheelchair because I was afraid and I didn't know what my mother would do. I didn't have anyone to trust." The fact was that Gypsy had spent her entire life being controlled and monitored by her mother. She wasn't allowed to go to school. Though Gypsy was of normal intelligence, Dee Dee told everyone her daughter had a mental age of seven. When they were out in public, Dee Dee constantly held Gypsy's hand, squeezing it when she wanted her daughter to be quiet. Dr. Marc Feldman, an expert in Munchausen syndrome by proxy, said of Gypsy's life and actions, "The control was total in the same sense that the control of a kidnapped victim sometimes is total. Her daughter was, in essence, a hostage, and I think we can understand the crime that occurred subsequently in terms of a hostage trying to gain escape." Gypsy is 'not happy' that Dee Dee is dead as Gypsy's medical records documented the abuse she'd been subjected to, her lawyer was able to arrange a plea deal for the charges she faced in Dee Dee's death; in 2016, Gypsy pled guilty to second-degree murder. She was sentenced to 10 years in prison, though she'll be eligible for parole beginning in 2024. Godejohn was found guilty of first-degree murder in 2018 and was sentenced to life in prison. Gypsy has stated it was only after Dee Dee's death that she realized the extent of her mother's deception. While Gypsy had known she could walk and eat regular food, she had believed she had leukemia.

                     Today Gypsy is healthy. She's also said she enjoys more freedom in prison than in the life she shared with Dee Dee. However, when asked by Dr. Phil if she was glad her mother was dead, she stated, "I’m glad that I’m out of that situation, but I’m not happy she’s dead.

“Bullying”

A Testimonio by: Antonette C. Quiminales

                 “Why are you here?” “Why do people even like you?” “You gonna cry?” these are just some words used in bullying, but first of all, what is really bullying?  Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

                  Being part of a broken family is something that many people live with, though a lot of the time, they don’t show it. I have this one friend who experienced being bullied since our elementary days till now she is being bullied just for not having a complete family. They always teased her saying that she doesn’t even have a father. That she came from a broken family. Every time I always ask her what she felt when people tease and bully her the only response that I’m getting from her is “I’m fine” “don’t worry I can handle this” That being said, I think over the time she is used to be bullied already that she accepted all the hurtful comments she receives, while it does suck to come from a broken family, but she learn many things. She learn to endure hardships and persist in the face of adversity. She learn to face and deal with embarrassment. She gain a unique sense of compassion and empathy. But this doesn’t mean that this will be tolerated, not because people who are being bullied can endure those hurtful words that they received doesn’t mean they deserve to be treated like that. We are all created equal it’s not their fault if they don’t have a complete family I can really see no problems with having a broken family, the only problem I see is those people who act as if they are the most perfect human being in this planet, those people who are so insensitive towards other people’s feelings. They are the main problem in this society.

                   This is just an example that people tend to be very insensitive when it comes to this situation, they didn’t even treat this seriously they think bullying is just some kind of joke, as most people don’t care about what’s going on in your life at home and often don’t acknowledge it if they don’t see it. We should be the first ones to take action. We should be alarmed and know about how these children feel. Everyone should do their part. We must all be brave, walk straight. Let us not be afraid. Let us stand up against bullying.

[tomeandflickcorner]

Episode Review- The Real Ghostbusters: Troll Bridge

Okay, we got a straightforward episode.  Not bad.

The action begins at night, with a troll finding his way into the heart of Manhattan after emerging from the river below Queensboro Bridge. The troll ends up donning a jacket and a NY Yankees cap that some guy apparently threw out for some reason before coming across some teens breakdancing on the street.  It’s immediately clear the troll really likes the sound of the music.

However, the Wayward Troll’s impromptu outing doesn’t sit well with the rest of the troll community that’s apparently living beneath the Queensboro Bridge, as they also emerge from East River and end up taking over the bridge.  This obviously attracts the attention of the general public and the disturbance ends up on the morning news.  So the Ghostbusters are obligated to come intervene.  And just in time, as the NYPD have already tried to deal with it themselves and have gotten nowhere.  Not sure why they thought using tear gas would work.  Let alone thinking they could give the trolls a fair warning, seeing as there was so obviously a language barrier here.  Of course, when the Ghostbusters do arrive, they also are not sure how to proceed.  Especially since it’s not certain what would happen if they tried blasting them with the proton packs.  Egon theorizes it’ll be one of two possibilities.  Either the trolls would turn to stone or they would grow even bigger and meaner.  So it’s obviously not a good idea to risk it.

Fortunately for the Ghostbusters, Egon can speak Troll. Because of course he can.  As such, he is able to communicate with the leader of the trolls and learns that they’re really just trying to locate their wayward group member.  The Troll Leader then issues Egon and the other Ghostbusters an ultimatum.  If they don’t locate the missing troll and bring him back within twelve hours, then the other trolls will send in these giant beasts of fire, aptly named Fireflies, which will destroy the city.

So the hunt is on for the Wayward Troll.  But the Ghostbusters are at odds as to where to start looking.  Where exactly would a troll go in New York City?  Would he seek out someplace closed off and dark like the Holland Tunnel or would he head for Times Square to take in the bright lights and excitement, which is probably something he doesn’t get to see often?  Unable to come to an agreement, the Ghostbusters split up, with Egon and Peter checking out the Holland Tunnel while Ray and Winston head over to Times Square.  It turns out Egon and Peter, while searching the Holland Tunnel, end up spotting the Wayward Troll first, as the troll is in the back of a pickup truck.  But right before they could corner the Wayward Troll, he manages to hop onto an ice cream truck traveling in the opposite direction. (Of course.)

The action then cuts to Times Square, where Ray and Winston are still looking for the Wayward Troll.  As they’re searching, Winston apparently starts feeling a bit warm and decides he’s in the mood for ice cream.  So he approaches an ice cream truck that’s passing by.  Only it’s the same ice cream truck the Wayward Troll hitched a ride on back in the Holland Tunnel.  (What are the chances?)  Once Ray and Winston realize that the Wayward Troll is on the ice cream truck, they start to give chase, but quickly lose it.  Thankfully, they’re promptly picked up by Peter and Egon in the Ecto-1, as they were also chasing after the same ice cream truck.  But they too lose it due to traffic.

As night falls, the Ghostbusters have to resort searching for the Wayward Troll with telescopes atop the Empire State Building.  Except for Peter, who seems to have forgotten he’s on the clock and that time is of the essence as he starts to whine about needing sleep.  Fortunately, Ray manages to spot the Wayward Troll in a nearby alley, dancing to music that a group of teens are playing on a boombox.  Of course, by the time the Ghostbusters can make it down to the alley in question, the Wayward Troll has already moved on.  However, Ray then gets an idea.  Realizing the Wayward Troll likes music, he suggests trying their luck at the nearby Club Kat.  Sure enough, they find the Wayward Troll having the time of his life on the club’s dance floor.

However, before the Ghostbusters can even begin to bring the Wayward Troll back to the rest of his kind, the twelve hour time limit the Troll Leader gave them runs out.  So the Ghostbusters have to figure out how to stop the Fireflies from destroying the city. Especially since their Proton Packs seem to be ineffective against the Fireflies.  But luck is on their side, as they figure out that they can just douse the Fireflies with water.  Which they do by spurting water out of a manhole and breaking open a nearby water tower. Nevertheless, the Ghostbusters acknowledge that the Troll Leader might send more Fireflies, and they can’t possibly fight them off forever.  The only way they can get the Troll Leader to call off the attack is by bringing the Wayward Troll back.  However, they also realize that the Wayward Troll doesn’t seem to want to go back, as he just wants to party on.  Peter especially finds he can sympathize with the Wayward Troll.  So what exactly are they supposed to do?

The solution they come up with is rather unorthodox, and I admit I’m not sure how I feel about it.  Remember how it was stated earlier that one of the two possible outcomes of shooting a troll with the Proton Packs would be that the troll would turn to stone? Well, when the Troll Leader and the rest of his band come across the Ecto-1 parked on the side of the road, they discover Peter standing over what appears to be the stone statue of the Wayward Troll.  Peter tells the Troll Leader that they did their best, but the Wayward Troll gave them no choice but to hit him with their Proton Packs, resulting in him being turned to stone.  The Troll Leader is visibly saddened by this turn of events, but calls off the attack on the city, simply turning and carrying away the stone troll.  But then it’s revealed that this was all just a trick, and the Ghostbusters had simply paid the owner of a lawn decoration store to create a stone statue that resembled the Wayward Troll.  And the Wayward Troll is completely fine, with the Ghostbusters giving him a train ticket to Chicago, where one of Peter’s partying friends lives.

Okay.  Was this really the best solution to the problem?  Sure, I get the Wayward Troll didn’t want to go back and simply wanted to continue on having fun.  But was it really necessary to resort to trickery and deceit to get the Troll Leader to call off the attack on the city?  After all, there was nothing to indicate that the Wayward Troll was being mistreated or anything by the other trolls.  On the contrary, if the Troll Leader’s reaction to seeing what he believed to be the Wayward Troll’s stone body was any indication, the Troll Leader genuinely cared about the Wayward Troll.  Is this really the message we want the kids watching this show to be left with?  That lying to your friends and essentially faking your death is a good idea?  Wouldn’t it have been better if they tried to explain the situation to the Troll Leader, with the Wayward Troll asking to be allowed to stay in the city until he had his fill of having fun?

Problematic morals aside, I did enjoy this episode.  And the humor seemed to be on par with the type of humor that the movie utilized, which is always appreciated. Let’s hope we get more of this moving forward.

(Click here to read more Ghostbusters reviews)

[thescificollection-blog]

“We Are Alive”

Science fiction works are often placed in a future so far off from our own they seem impossible. It is hard to imagine our world in such a distressing situation to bring on such situations as those seen in “1984” or so far into the future for “Planet of the Apes” to even be slightly fathomable. Science fiction has often dealt with images that are so grandiose we can easily separate it from our lives today. However the 2018 video game “Detroit: Become Human” focuses itself in the ever topical city of Detroit in 2038.

The not so far future does not look too far fetched on the surface. In one of the opening shots we see Detroit in a similar state that it is currently; there is a bustling city that is building more skyscrapers while the suburban areas look rundown and borderline inhabitable (Teaser). This is nothing extraordinary, except for the fact that in this Detroit is the center hub for Cyberlife- the company that distributes humanoid androids.

The creator of these androids says “the hardest thing was to design an object that we would want to welcome into our homes. We had to imagine a machine in our own image, that resembles us in every way. That moves, breathes, blinks like us.” with the only obvious difference between a human and an android being the glowing circle on their right temple (Kamski). This aesthetic choice makes truly believing the androids are just machines difficult, because they seem so human, and this idea is played with several times throughout the game.

The first glimpse we get at the affects of humanoid androids on how humans interact comes from a scene where you can watch a man on his morning jog. He is being followed by his android companion when he stops for a break, throwing his water bottle at the android and rudely demanding stats on his progress after which he resume his run and almost knocks over a woman with no sympathies. Because it is hard to distinguish the humans from the androids some people's reactions are to just treat them all with little to no respect at all. Yet some, because of their compassion towards humans treat the androids with respect. Which is seen through one of the playable characters early game play. Markus, a household nurse android, cares for an elderly man who treats Markus like a son. He is allowed to wander the house freely, occupy his free time how he sees fit, and is encouraged to think outside of his programming. Because of this, when circumstances lead to Markus’ deviation and subsequent android rebellion leader, it is easy to see why he believes androids should not be put into the position of slavery. By making the androids look, act, and feel human “the stakes of the question of who gets to be human very clear” (Cardenas).

“The concept of the human has historically been used to delineate who is less than human, who is disposable, who is killable. Black people, women, trans people, queers, witches, and indigenous people have all been defined as less than human at different times by different regimes of knowledge.” and it is no different in Detroit (Cardenas). These androids begin to deviate or, in other terms, become human when they are pushed to extremes. Several times we see them pushed to deviation in a situation where a human would retaliate to save themselves, and that is exactly what the androids are doing. For Markus it comes at a point where his owner’s son is threatening violence against Markus while the owner begins to have heart failure. We watch as he is taken out of the situation and brought to a wall in his code that states “do not fight back” a direct order from his owner. Markus’ outlined body, his coded soul, beats against this wall until it shatters allowing him to push the son away. The breaking of the code wall giving us the first glimpse of what it means for these androids to become human.

For the android Connor we see his development into a human a little differently. His programing is the newest and most developed, causing the choices you make to bring on little development compared to the other two. However his model, being a detective android that is supposed to aid cops in finding devient and dangerous androids, runs the risk of dying in several scenarios. The first one being in the first chapter you see him in; a hostage case where one of the outcomes is Connors death as he sacrifices himself by pushing both the violent android and himself off the roof of a building. His mission is complete and he is pleased by this, but a future chapter shows him shy away from the edge of another roof as he investigates a new deviant case. If, by some unfortunate circumstances, you end up making specific choices in another chapter Connor can witness, both physically and psychologically, the death of another android which gives you the chapter ending “Connor is traumatized” (Connor is Traumatized). This comes up again when you have a very deep conversation with Connor’s human partner Hank. Hank drunkenly toys with Connor, asking if he feels or thinks for himself, asking if he is alive. Hank pulls his gun on Connor and directly asks him “Are you afraid to die Connor?”. If the previously mentioned scenes take place an option of dialogue is Connor admitting he is afraid of the nothing that would come from his death, the nothing that would happen if his task was not completed (Connor is Afraid to Die). None of these thoughts or emotions are programmed, it would be pointless to do so, which means that every experience Connor has leads him to evolve into something. These choices make him human, others make him a machine, some even end with him being scraped as a defective model. As you play you are not just experiencing a story but witnessing the development of something much more than a simple machine.

Another instance we see where an android has essentially become human by having fear, desiring to “live”, and a human showing, essentially a fellow human made out of a machine, compassion comes from a clip that would eventually become the basis of “Detroit: Become Human”. In the clip an android, Kara, is being assembled. The technician is having her run diagnostic tests to check that everything is functional. She begins to question the technician about what will happen to her, a very humanesque thing to do that androids should not be able to do, and is saddened to hear that she is a piece of merchandise. To the technician’s horror she sadly comments that she thought she was alive, making the technician begin the dismantle process. Kara panics, begging and pleading with the technician as each one of her plates and appendages is removes- screaming out “I am scared! I want to live, I’m begging you.” which stops the technician. He allows her to be rebuilt, sending her out to be sold off because the thought of hurting a creature that can feel fear is quite difficult, machine or not (Kara).

This is quite interesting because one of the main arguments against the creation of artificial intelligence and androids today revolve around the idea of whether or not humans could function in a society where thoughts, feelings, and emotions are partially nonexistent. The idea of a human creating an artificial intelligence that feels, thinks, and acts freely is almost impossible because we still do not understand what makes us cable of that. Many chalk it up to be the idea that humans possess souls, an inanimate undetectable thing, that give us these abilities. This is another thing the game touches on with the clip of one of the androids, Chole, doing an interview with the news. She is the first android to ever pass the Turing test and when asked how she is able to do that her response is “I only exist because of the intelligence of the humans who designed me. And you know they have something I could never have. A Soul.” (Chloe). The idea that the only way for a creature or machine or existence to be worth anything at all is the need for a soul is quite ridiculous. To obtain and prove a creature has one is impossible and leaves out the possibilities of future advances and interactions. What really defines a human is their ability to feel. To feel love, fear, sorrow, anguish, desire, exeter is to be human; to be considered more than just merchandise or labor.

As you play through the game there are many examples of choices you can take that forces the androids to make decisions either based on rational behavior or irrational feelings. For Markus it is the choice between making humans see androids as equals via violence or peace. For Kara it is the choice between loving the little girl as a daughter or to serve as a slave. And for Connor it is the choice between sticking to his mission to hunt down deviant androids no matter the cost or fear the death that would come from a failed mission. The choices you make shape these characters, helps them choose their path, and develops them into either machines or humans.

To become a human is to feel emotions, a wide range of them too. To feel happiness and sorrow, excitement and dismay, fear and courage all these make us human. To have them, develop them, experience them is what defines our every moment. We allow our own children born out of flesh to curate them, why would it be so far fetched to permit those we bare out of machines the same?

Cárdenas, Micha. “The Android Goddess Declaration:” Bodies of Information, 2019.

Europe, PlayStation. “Detroit: Become Human | Kamski | PS4.” YouTube, 22 May 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HvS86ePaaA.

PlayStation. “Detroit: Become Human - Shorts: Chloe | PS4.” YouTube, 23 May 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=oL1ZOLo3s7s.

sceablog. “‘Kara’ by Quantic Dream.” YouTube, 7 Mar. 2012, www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-pF56-ZYkY.

VGS. “Detroit: Become Human - Connor Is Afraid to Die.” YouTube, 28 May 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=GonrVf_SJSE&t=13s.

VGS. “Detroit: Become Human - Connor Is Traumatized, After Seeing Jericho.” YouTube, 29 May 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrJcLpo5d5A.