#i’m not saying that these episodes were *the best* way to accomplish these goals

[notoneglance]

Why the takoyaki amnesia doppelganger episodes???

So I think we can all agree that this whole plot line in Blade was wild and peak Inoue and definitely a comedic break in between two emotion heavy arcs. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t do anything for the narrative. Despite being a huge departure in tone from the rest of the show, it does actually fit thematically and in terms of character development.

As a refresher, the arc I’m talking about happens in episodes 29 and 30 of Blade where Hajime briefly loses his memory and meets an identical-looking guy who convinces him to switch places for a bit. This guy, Mikami Ryou, is the heir to a takoyaki-making group in fierce competition with a taiyaki group and knows nothing of the Undead.

As silly as this whole premise is, the “prince and the pauper” style identity switch thing is a well-established trope often used to explore a character and their situation, just as it does here in Blade. There are intentional parallels between Ryou’s life and Hajime’s, despite their completely opposite personalities, and by switching them around, this arc both gives us a new lens on Hajime as a person and foreshadows the ending of Blade.

So let’s recap Ryou’s situation: 

He’s the son of the head of an intensely competitive takoyaki-making gang, the Iroha clan, and was raised into this job. He doesn’t seem to have anything against making takoyaki itself—we first see him enthusiastically working at a stand—but he isn’t actually part of his father’s group. In fact, he hates the pressure to be involved in the conflict to the point where he switches lives with some random stranger just to leave it all behind. Part of this is because he is dating Michi, the daughter of the head of a rival taiyaki-making group who also seems a bit distant from her family. Both Ryou and Michi’s fathers discourage them from being together, each believing that their child is being “deceived” by their competitor.

Does any of this sound familiar?

The Battle Fight has way more going on than the simple two sided takoyaki vs taiyaki rivalry, but from the pov of the audience, it can be simplified into an Undead vs Human Kamen Rider fight. The show explicitly draws parallels between the two fights. When Ryou’s father says he wishes that Ryou would join the Iroha clan so that they could “win and survive”, Hajime despite his amnesia is instantly reminded of the Undeads’ motivation to do exactly that. 

Like Ryou, Hajime was raised in this competition but does not particularly want to fight, instead forming a connection with someone on the other side—Kenzaki.

Actually, the whole “win and survive” thing is really interesting. Because of their circumstances, both Ryou’s father and Hajime fully believe that their survival is dependent on winning. It’s a kill or be killed world out there, and even if Hajime is starting to wish that there was some other way, neither of them are willing to let themselves lose. I’ll come back to this point later, because neither actually end up needing to win in order to survive.

Anyway, we have a bunch of similarities between Hajime and Ryou’s situations, but what does that actually tell us about Hajime (other than that he and Kenzaki are in love)?

Well, first off, having those similarities sets up space for a distinct contrast to highlight some aspects of Hajime’s character. The plot going on with the Blade squad and the fake Hajime centers around Hajime’s humanity. In the beginning of episode 29 before Hajime loses his memories, Kotaro accuses him of not having enough human emotion to care about what happens to Shima’s bird Natural. When he is replaced by Ryou, Kotaro thinks that the personality change was due to Hajime taking his words to heart.

These episodes emphasize that Hajime isn’t human and he’s definitely not the friendly and open person that Kotaro seems to want him to be. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing and it doesn’t make him dangerous.

Most of the people besides Kotaro are just confused by Hajime acting so out of character, and Amane actively rejects this false Hajime. Even if Kotaro is happy about Hajime acting differently, he’s an outlier, and probably the only one in the group who has ever really held negative feelings for him.

Just like how Kotaro prefers the new Hajime, Michi initially prefers Hajime to the real Ryou, actively choosing to claim that this imposter is Ryou despite knowing otherwise. Ryou’s father goes along with it too, even after it’s implied that he has also figured out that this man is not his real son. Unlike Ryou, Hajime is focused and strong—a fighter. In the rivalry between the takoyaki and taiyaki groups, Hajime is the one who has the determination to “win and survive”, to fight for the Iroha clan.

We see the opposite on the other side as well, that Ryou is not a fighter. When thrown into a situation where an Undead attacks him, he runs away screaming rather than holding his ground. Which is a perfectly reasonable reaction for a regular human!

The part where the idea that “Hajime is superior to Ryou” to the people in Ryou’s life falls apart is when it comes to the emotional bonds. 

Kotaro might be wrong about Hajime not caring about people in general, but there’s no reason for him to specifically care about the people Ryou loves. When Michi asks the fake Ryou if he loves her, Hajime replies that he doesn’t know what love is, upsetting her. Hajime spends most of this arc confused and not really invested, vaguely going along with the events without particularly asserting his own will, whether others are expecting him to be a takoyaki maker or Michi’s boyfriend. He doesn’t have any real stake in all this drama because he doesn’t actually know them—he’s not their Ryou.

However, things get switched up when Ryou comes back and declares himself as the real Mikami Ryou.

Both Michi and Ryou’s father initially insist that Hajime is the real one, culminating in a takoyaki vs taiyaki bake off competition between the two Ryous, where both characters that previously seemed disinterested become fired up, breaking out of the lover/fighter dichotomy that has thus far been set up.

Despite running away from the fight, despite running away from his life, Ryou does actually care about his girlfriend and father, and he wants them back. He doesn’t actually want to leave them behind or for them to leave him, so when push comes to shove he stands up and puts his whole spirit into the competition in order to get back his life. Later, when an Undead comes to interrupt the competition, Ryou stands his ground this time, risking his life to defend Michi. 

Afterwards, Ryou puts a stop to the fighting between their two families by uniting them through marriage—something that Hajime was never capable of doing despite also almost getting married to Michi—because Ryou is the one that genuinely loves both Michi and his father. And when it comes down to it, they choose the Ryou they know and love over Hajime even if he seemed outwardly better.

Ryou isn’t naturally a fighter, but that’s fine because he can when the situation calls for it, and his reluctance to fight is what allows him to find a solution to this rivalry that benefits everyone rather than just one side.

Meanwhile, Hajime also participates in the “who is the real Ryou” competition not because fighting is just what he does, but because he cares about people in general. 

Even though these are strangers that he has no real personal ties to, Hajime feels a connection with Ryou’s dad and his motto for the clan to “win and survive”. Which makes sense, since it’s basically the whole idea behind the Battle Fight, even if he does not remember it. The first time that Hajime made takoyaki, it was extremely half-hearted, just knocking ingredients over into the pan with a confused frown, but now he is fully putting all of his effort into this competition because of his desire to see the Iroha clan succeed.

When the people he loves are threatened, Ryou acts against his nature to protect them. We don’t see this parallel on Hajime’s end here, since none of the Blade squad are in danger this arc, but we’ve seen it happen so many times before with Hajime saving Amane and Kenzaki and even Kotaro that one time. Even without showing it, by having these parallels, the show reminds us of this aspect of Hajime’s character.

The point of the Ryou/Hajime contrast in these episodes is to show that Hajime is an Undead, a fighter—and that he also is someone who cares about people because these two things are not actually mutually exclusive and in fact tie into each other. 

In the end, the thing that brings Hajime’s memories back is twofold: the memory that he is the 53rd Undead who will cause everything to be destroyed if he wins, and the memory of Amane saying his name.

That is a good set up for the next arc of the show where the other characters find out that Hajime is the Joker and what exactly that entails, and we start seeing more of the conflict in Hajime between his instincts to win and destroy and his desire to live a human life with the people he cares about. Having this more solid understanding of Hajime, of his strengths and shortcomings and the way he fits among the other characters, is important groundwork for the new set of information and conflicts.

But there is one last thing these episodes do, which is to foreshadow the ending of Blade.

The interesting thing about these episodes is the way that the taiyaki/takoyaki rivalry gets resolved: not by one side winning over the other, but by both sides surviving through Ryou and Michi’s marriage.

In Japan, when two people get married, legally one of them is no longer part of their birth family and is instead becomes a part of their spouse’s family. It can be either the husband or wife, though in practice it’s usually the wife that marries into the husband’s family, as it appears that Michi does here. Socially though, marriage can be viewed as more of a merging of two families, as is seen with Michi’s father also calling Ryou his son.

In the end of the show, the Undead/Kamen Rider conflict is resolved in a similar if more tragic fashion. 

There does not have to be a winner to the Battle Fight for both Hajime and the world to survive. Just like how Michi joins Ryou’s family to bring peace, Kenzaki ends up physically changing species into an Undead. Meanwhile Hajime does not physically (or legally) change his status, but he socially becomes human by living among them.

Despite the goofiness of the takoyaki episodes, Kamen Rider Blade as a whole is a more serious show. Their conflict—between the Undead and humans, between the characters and destiny—cannot be so easily resolved. While Michi and Ryou join each other’s families and get to live happily together, Kenzaki and Hajime can only partially trade places as species and are unable to ever see each other again, not really resolving the conflict of the Battle Fight but only putting it on hold.

Still, even if Hajime and Kenzaki are left separated and connected only by the violent demands of fate/God/the Overseer of the Battle Fight, there is a lasting bond between them. It’s not for nothing that the ring designed off their combined character motifs is called “eternal marriage”. 

TL;DR: The takoyaki episodes are important in how they set up Hajime as a character in preparation for the Joker arc and also foreshadow how Hajime and Kenzaki get symbolically married to bring peace

[red-balloon12]

My actual thoughts on TADC Ep.2

(Spoilers below)

1. This was a cool episode! I like how it explored the whole thing with NPC’s and them just being there to defeat. I felt bad for Gummigoo. Him not having memories and stuff. It’s no wonder why him and Pomni connected so quickly……oh god there’s going to be a lot of “fanservice” fan art of him (and him with Pomni), isn’t there…HOOOO GOD- But I admittedly didn’t feel as attached to Gummigoo as a lot of the other fans. Not that Gummigoo was a bad character, but I knew he wasn’t going to last as a permanent character so I guess that’s why him getting poofed by Caine didn’t affect me as much (and why I’m not mad at Caine as much. And I guess I’m also just…very biased against GummiJester as a JesterDoll truther….I’m so sorry-)

2. Caine was a lot more pushy in this episode. Before he made the activities seem optional (though the activities themselves had a way of finding and including Zooble against their will). Bro really wants to impress and entertain the crew.

3. I don’t like how sidelined Ragatha was in this episode (I really just want her to go Buck wild and kill Jax-) But she also seems to REALLY want Pomni to like her. And I think it’s because she empathizes with Pomni. According to Kinger, Ragatha had a hard time adjusting to the circus so maybe Rags doesn’t want the same for Pomni. So she tries to make her feel welcomed (even though it was counter productive) I honestly felt bad for Ragatha when Pomni showed up with Gummigoo.

I’m glad they didn’t show her getting jealous but I can imagine Ragatha feeling dejected because she tried so hard to befriend Pomni only for Pomni to make fast friends with someone else. But I’m not totally giving up hope. Also a lot of people were righ about Rags being the type of person to bottle things up. That toxic positivity is bound to run out at some point. (I can’t wait to see her snap).

4. I really liked how Pomni was in this episode. Her stepping up a little to help Gummigoo, the facial expressions and stuff. As much as I love Ragatha, she DID come off as a bit patronizing which I’m glad Pomni called her out for it. Her friendship with Gummigoo was also really heart warming and I did kinda feel it when Caine made Gummigoo just disappear like he did. Also Pomni is canonically stretchy and she has chompers. Very cute. I also find it very interesting that this is the second time Pomni was separated from the group and missed out on the majority of the adventure. Maybe this will change as time goes on and Pomni gets more comfortable with the activities, I hope.

5. I also really liked Kinger in this episode. The writers seemed to shift his personality a little, making him more wiser. He also seems to have good memory when it counts. I appreciate he also tried to help Pomni. Emphasis on the “try”. I love him. He’s just doing his best. Also his plushie is SO FUCKING CUTE OMG!

6. I don’t have much to say about Gangle except LET THIS WOMAN BE HAPPY PLEASE! PLEASE JUST LET HER HAVE HER HAPPY MASK! Also let Gangle also go wild on Jax. She deserves it.

7. I liked the princess. She looked cute! Also you can’t tell me Ragatha has a small crush on her. (A little side tangent: BunnyDoll/Ragatha x Kinger shippers confuse the hell out of me. You’re going to look at Ragatha, someone that’s based off of Raggedy Anne who’s ALSO SAPHHIC AF, and tell me that she’s into men? I don’t fucking think so-) I honestly thought the princess was going to turn out to be an evil tyrant that was going to manipulate Ragatha to accomplish some goal…idk where I got that from-

8. (Probably the one you’ve been waiting for) Jax. My opinions on Jax hasn’t changed all that much. I’m still don’t like him. But damn did they turn up the “asshole” meter on this guy. I mean…I expected it since Gooseworks said he was going to get worse, but I didn’t think it would happen so fast. I also am starting to understand the sentiment if not wanting a particular character to have development/redemption. I don’t want an excuse to actually like this dude. I want him to get worse actually. (That or he severely gets chewed out by the others…mainly Ragatha or Pomni. That’s like…the only way I can remotely start to like him.)

But I’d be remiss to ignore that one scene before the funeral. He obviously cares for the others but puts on a front for….some fucking reason. It does make me wonder if it’s out of concern or maybe…guilt? I’ve heard a theory that Jax played a part in why Kaufmo got abstracted. Idk how true that theory is but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. It would also explain him not going to the funeral despite feeling bad. (I wanna point out how funny it is that everyone thought that one screenshot of Jax sitting was going to be an angst moment. But no, it was just him being mad there was no bloodshed lol) But yeah, I’d still like for this due to get punted, please.

9. The ending. Zooble surprised me a little. I thought they were going to be the actual angsty character with a soft side and I was kinda right but I was surprised with how considerate they were putting together Kaufmo’s funeral. It made me appreciate them a little more. And I like there wasn’t a gag where no one had anything to say because they all didn’t care about Kaufmo. They all really do miss him and I think that’s heartwarming. And the ending that parallels the beginning where Pomni is falling only to be caught by everyone (except Jax lol) was the nail in the coffin. Pomni finally realizing she still has friends despite loosing Gummigoo. It’s why I’m not giving up on her friendship with Rags. I still believe they’re going to bond the most. Especially now knowing they both had similar experiences when they first came to the circus.

10. Can we take a moment to appreciate the animation? It just seems more crisp than the pilot which I didn’t even think was possible since that animation already looked clean af. Literal eye candy. (Pun intended)

Overall, I’m very interested and exited to see more. 8/10 episode. (Also F’s in the chat for CainexPomni/Caine fans. Yes this includes me.)

[bomikalover]

Did my yearly rewatch of Austin and Ally (all 4 seasons) and now I’m hyper fixated on it. So I decided to yap my head off on here so if you don’t care for anything A&A specific then just scroll and enjoy my other posts or edits of the stuff you do like 🫶🏾

Anywaysss, why I’m here.

AUSTIN AND ALLY’S PARENTS ARENT GOOD PARENTS!!

There i said it.

The only one I give slack is Ally’s mom as she mostly lives in Africa for work (I think?? I kinda black out the parents storyline since I’m here for any else but the parents) plus she wrote a book and when she was in Miami with Ally she spent all her time WITH HER DAUGHTER. She gave advice, presents, and even gave her an opportunity to sing at her event which was the event she overcame her greatest fear. She was polite and sweet to all the kids, put effort to talking to them, and getting to known them. We’ve seen her for maybe 2-3 episodes TOPS in the whole show but I never disliked her. Do I think she could have had a talk with her ex-husband and made him work at his own business?? Yes but they spilt for a reason and maybe she was just already mentally clocked out of anything dealing with him…cuz I know I am.

Her dad on the other hand I majorly dislike. He opened a business just to leave in the hands of his only daughter between ages 14-18 while she was already occupied with school and then her career as an artist. Plus she had friends and a young life that she wanted to live. Fortunately Ally was lucky her 3 friends stuck around all day in Sonic Boom helping out and hanging there instead of completely leaving Ally out since she was constantly busy with work.

He was also extremely cheap. Like being cheap with urself is fine but with ur daughter is a whole nother thing. Like when he gave her emergency funds for when she went to go on tour with Austin and she actually needed it as she was stranded in an unknown state. Just to find out that her dad only gave her $6 and an expired coupon. She once again was on her own and performed for her own well-being.

And he was also unsupportive of Ally sometimes. Like in the first episode when he said that she had one in a billion chance of making it into the music industry. (Austin’s dad said that as well, but we’ll get to him later) WHAT?! Is it so hard to be supportive of ur daughter. (He does support her in future episodes but for me it’s says a lot that the first impression we get of her father is that he’s unsupportive and only wants her to run the family store)

Speaking of no support and forcing their child to follow their footsteps…Mike and Mimi Moon.

They also came out the bat being unsupportive but seemed to care enough to not force Austin to work at the Mattress Kingdom. But they heavily offered the job every time something went slightly off course with Austin’s Career. (Him getting vocal nodes or when he chose loving Ally over his career that he’s been passionately working on for years)

Both of A&A’s parents were just letting their kids travel by themselves or go on tour by themselves. (It’s EXTREMELY common for parents to be MIA in kids tv but these rubbed me the wrong way) like we rarely saw Mr.Dawson at Ally’s performances Vice versa with Austin and his parents. It took Austin having to go the doctors or Ally moving away super far to accomplish her goals to get their attention.

I’m not surprised Auslly has such a strong unbreakable bond when they’re two only children with neglectful parents who are unsupportive of their dreams. They have no one to relate to and share the passion with beside each other. They both have best friends that have been in their lives YEARS before each other yet Auslly talk of each other as if that’s all they have is each other. (Side note: the way Auslly write their songs make me question how much stuff they truly went through together. Like “You can come to me” lyrics are so sweet and intimate but also so deep but it’s extremely evident that they are singing these lyrics to each other and only each other. Like they surpassed hurdles that Dez and Trish weren’t there to surpass with them. I wonder how much of Auslly we haven’t seen and will never see.)

Dez and Trish aren’t only children like Austin & Ally. Dez has a (older?) sister and Trish has a little brother. Both their families seemed extremely happy, loving, and outwardly supportive of them…I can’t say the same for Austin and Ally.

I could go on and on about this topic alone but I’ll spare your eyes from all the reading and stop yapping. But I’ll gladly talk about all my other thoughts about certain A&A things. Like the Auslly dynamic in a whole, why Austin’s passion for music is so strong, or even why Trish can’t keep a job.

But that’s a yapper-sation for another time.

[alexa-crowe]

Okay, I want to hear your thoughts j never again, why you hate it, why your love it. Your gifset has me intrigued 👀

Oh, God, what’s not to love? What’s not to hate? It’s cerebral in a way no other episode of the show has been before. It awkwardly charms my pants off, even though there’s an itch at the back of my head that says something’s wrong. I only hated it when I first watched it two years ago. Then I saw what everyone loved about it and loved it, too, although I still had sore spots. (The absolute garbage that is the tattoo scene and back at Ed’s apartment will be separate paragraphs cuz yowza.) Now I love and hate it in equal measure.

I love the idea of it, the actors’ performances, the imagery. Gillian never falters and neither does David. But they can’t carry the entirety of an episode. (They nearly do, though. Somehow.) It’s painfully obvious to me that there were people along the way that didn’t view “Never Again” as a real episode—it shows in the cracks. (The music is also bad and doesn’t quite hit right but I just chalk that up to usual outdated music trends making my ears bleed.)

I feel like I’m one of the shows biggest fans (duh, we all are on here) but also one of its harshest critics. Anyways, the tattoo scene literally has some of the worst camera angles I’ve ever seen. It’s one of the main reasons why I applied to colleges’ directing majors. I would change all of the angles and the shots. I couldn’t help but re-imagine it and before I’d even realized what I was doing, I’d redone the scene in my head in great detail. What we actually got is not just bad but atrocious to me. An injustice done both to Scully and to Gillian. None of the episodes that came before had this issue of bad angles.

I understand trying out angles but for them to be in the final product? That was deliberate—from multiple people. (Probably all men but that’s a different conversation.) And then at Ed’s apartment. I get that it’s supposed to be like he’s consuming her, she’s letting him overtake her and overpower her and isn’t fighting back—snake eating its own tale. But there was something missing from the very first time I watched it. I thought it was just me being weird until we got to see one of the pre-censored drafts where it was way clearer that Scully and Ed fucked—on the floor, no less (IIRC). I was like that Captain Holt meme—VINDICATION! I wasn’t just seeing things. It’s like a special film/TV sixth sense.

It’s an important episode. I don’t hate its existence. But even moreso now that I’m studying film, I see so much of the bad. I see just how much it could’ve been better. It could’ve been so much better, like, you guys don’t even know. If I could remake a single TV episode it would be this one. It has the foundation, but it got so convoluted with trying to make sure Ed’s hallucinations fit into the X-File box that it feels like things got dropped. Why are these doors closing on their own? Why is having a hallucinatory disorder, which onset because of immense stress, an X-File. (Good old ableism. But that’s also a different conversation.)

It just makes me angry, and then sad, and then determined. It accomplishes its goals, brings up what it intended to and follows through with the themes and the messages, but it just... It could’ve been done even better. And it’s only not its best because of misogyny. (Because of course.)

[ear-worthy]

“Brown Ambition” Podcast: Your Money, Your Life, Your Goals

There are two genres, where many of the top podcasts began their media journey as a radio show and then added podcasting later on. First, we have conservative talk shows, where turning Americans against one another has been elevated to an art form. You can play a drinking game and take a shot every time one of those hosts says “woke” or “CRT” or “groomer.” Please have a designated driver handy. You’ll need that person.

Second, are financial advice shows. Two of the best being The Dave Ramsey Show and The Clark Howard Show. I’m partial to Howard only because I lived in the Atlanta area for 11 years and listened to him on the radio while stopped dead in traffic on interstate 285.

Ramsey and Howard offer advice to all callers, regardless of income, race, religion, or whatever financial dumpster fire they managed to ignite. But an intrinsic strength of podcasting is its narrow casting feature. A podcast can target a specific audience, while over-the-air radio has limitations in that arena.

I stumbled on the Brown Ambition podcast based on a recommendation from the EarBuds Podcast Collective by Arielle Nissenblatt. Although I may not be the podcast’s target demographic, it is a terrific listen that for me taught me that, “they can teach an old dog new tricks.”

Brown Ambition is a weekly conversation between two successful women of color dealing with topics of professional and financial ambition, will and so much more.

The podcast’s website offers their origin story as this: “Mandi and Tiffany first met in 2013 when Mandi Woodruff was an editor at Business Insider and wrote a profile about Tiffany Aliche, who had just founded The Budgetnista platform. The pair later met in person at a financial bloggers’ conference in 2014. As two self-professed introverts, they bonded over their shared need to decompress from the conference grind and took a walk through New Orleans where the beginnings of their podcast Brown Ambition started to take root — a conversation between two badass women of color who were as comfortable talking about dating and relationships as they were about budgeting and building wealth.”

Brown Ambition offers financial advice that ranges from asking for a raise at a job to purchasing investment properties. Their target demographic is people of color, and women, but here’s the thing. You can be whiter than Nicole Kidman and still learn from their advice and financial wisdom. These women know what they’re talking about.

Here’s what Woodruff and Aliche state about their goals with the podcast: “With each episode, we aim to create a safe space where women can ask questions, feel seen and heard, and feel like they’ve taken one step closer to accomplishing their wealth-building and career goals. We want to amplify the voices of women of color in spaces that have never traditionally been open to us — from building businesses to earning seats at the boardroom table.”

What makes this duo unique is that part of their goal setting for the podcast: “We are never shy about sharing our struggles and lessons along our own personal journeys, and we don’t pretend that things like personal relationships don’t influence the way we achieve professional and financial goals. That’s why you’ll often hear us shift from the latest ups and downs of the stock market to the latest ups and downs of Tiffany’s fertility journey or Mandi’s rocky road to entrepreneurship.”

Brown Ambition has been recognized by Insider, Time, Forbes and Fast Company as one of the best personal finance podcasts since its launch in 2016.

In this country, the income gap between black and white households has narrowed over the last twenty years. But the wealth gap remains stagnant and as wide as the gap between red and blue states. Brown Ambition handles the questions from listeners about finances that relate to their target audience.

That is the “ambition” part of the title. The podcast is about their audience wanting more out of life and “going for it.” The podcast’s mission statement reveals that there is more going on than simply financial wisdom.

“We want to create a world where Black and Brown women feel valued and poured into, both financially and mentally.”

The podcast’s episodes also takes an expansive view of financial advice and often delves into the interpersonal and the personal tribulations of the two hosts. That panoramic view only increases how ear worthy this podcast truly is.

For example, in a late January Q&A episode, the co-hosts delve into a discussion of how a person’s credit score is determined. Then they discuss debt consolidation loans.

In a mid-January episode called “Waging War,” Woodruff responds to a question from a woman who feels underpaid at her job and wants to know how to address this perceived pay disparity with her manager. Woodruff excels here in her advice. First, she discusses compensation in organizations, its limitations and its structure. Then, she talks about a series of options that include asking the woman to reassess her original perceptions.

Episodes on this podcast are succinct — about twenty minutes long — which is perfect for these shows. Many financial advice podcasts simply edit their hour-long radio show and release an unnecessarily long episode. Somehow, it is as if the co-hosts of Brown Ambition know that their listeners don’t have time in their day to spend an hour or more listening to a podcast. Therefore, their topics crystallize quickly and commentary and advice is dispensed succinctly, yet still with great flair and humor.

The chemistry between Woodruff and Aliche is strong. The co-hosts banter like next door neighbors, keep the tone light, and they don’t talk down to their listener questions. By contrast, some financial advice podcasts adopt a grim tone, as if the zombie apocalypse is just around the corner. Some of these shows do talk down to their callers and, at times, adopt a “sports talk” attitude in which the host aggressively mocks the callers.

Mandi Woodruff is a self-described inclusive wealth-building and career expert with a background in journalism and content marketing. She published her free guide, The Just Quit! Toolkit, in 2021, which has helped nearly 2,000 professionals take charge of their careers and maximize their earning potential. She’s also a regular contributor to Yahoo Finance and CNBC.com.

Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche describes herself as America’s favorite personal financial educator. She is the author of a New York Times Bestseller — Get Good with Money. Aliche is an NAACP Image Award Nominee, and the first Black woman to grace the cover of Money Magazine solo.

One of my favorite episodes is November 11, 2022 “Make your Money Inconvenient.” In the episode, the co-hosts offered tips to save for a down payment on a home. Then they helped a listener with picking up the financial rubble from a divorce. Finally, they discussed resume preparation tips, advice on bulking up your savings account, and, on a personal note, how to forgive yourself.

All in twenty minutes.

Although the target audience is women and people of color, this show can be for anyone. Why? Because it’s just a damn good podcast.

Check out Brown Ambition.

[spiritsoulandbody]

#DailyDevotion Are You Being Chastised By The LORD?

#DailyDevotion Are You Being Chastised By The LORD? Psalm 6 0 LORD, don't be angry and punish me, don't be furious and correct me. 2Be kind to me, O LORD, because I am miserable. Heal me, O LORD, because I'm shaken to my bones; 3my spirit is terribly upset. O LORD, how long will you wait? Psalm 6 may come from the time David had an affair, committed murder and married the woman he committed adultery with and who bore him a child. David did not think much of it until he was confronted by Nathan the prophet. While Nathan forgave David, there were temporal punishments handed out namely the death of his son and future troubles in his family dynasty. David fasted and cried out to the LORD for seven days for his son as he fell sick. This is a Psalm of Lament in which David cries out to the LORD for mercy and kindness. David, feeling the brunt of God's wrath on him because of his sins cries out to Him to not be angry and furious with him, to not punish him and correct him. Well that probably isn't going to happen or at least the best David, you and I can hope for is chastisement, that is punishment to teach us not to do it again as opposed to the LORD's divine wrath which puts us in the Lake of Fire for all eternity. If you sin, you might expect some sort of discipline coming down the pike to mortify your sinful desires. David is feeling it now in the illness of his son, the future prospects for his family and his own state in the midst of fasting. He appeals to the LORD to be kind to him because he is miserable. He is shaken to his bones and his spirit is terribly upset. I think perhaps David is thinking of another psalm he wrote from this episode psalm 51 in which he says, “a broken and contrite spirit you will not despise.” In other words David is appealing to the fact the LORD's chastisement has done its proper work on him now. Of course God ultimately decides, as he can read all men's hearts, whether or not the purpose of the chastisement has accomplished His goals. Have you ever felt the chastisement of the LORD? Have you committed some sin and you experience the temporal effects, the chastisement of the LORD? Has your soul been buckled over by its weight on you? You may want to join David in praying this psalm. David pleads to the LORD, “O LORD, how long will you wait?” Perhaps you think the LORD God is a little long in the tooth from rescuing you from damage you caused by your sins. Certainly David knows how you feel. When the hand of the LORD is pressing down on us, it seems like forever. Well it is an eternal hand pressing down on us, of course it feels that way. Well go ahead and cry out to the LORD, join David in asking how long. It is a good thing we can come before the LORD pleading for his mercy. He does not strike us down in anger when we come before him humbly, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We admit our wrongs, confess we indeed deserve what is happening to us and beg him for mercy and that right quickly. I am reminded of our LORD Jesus Christ, who though he is innocent, threw himself to the ground and asked his Father to remove the cup of His wrath from him if possible. Three times he prayed this. The Father said no. He would have to wait three days in the grave before being vindicated by his resurrection. He waited bearing our sins in his flesh. He cried out, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me.” He then committed his spirit to the Father. In the midst of all our suffering, let us remember our Savior Jesus Christ, his innocent suffering and death, and commit ourselves to the merciful and kind hands of our heavenly Father. Merciful and kind Father, have mercy upon us when we sin and you chastise us so we may not lose hope but mortify our sinful flesh, deliver us in due time, and help us to find your mercy and kindness in your Son Jesus Christ. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Read the full article

[retroaria]

can you do headcanon number 10 with karl <3 love your writing btw!

Karl Jacobs: Fluff Alphabet ✿

cc!karl jacobs x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

warnings: just swearing

here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^

a/n: even if they aren’t requested in the event i’ll still be making fluff hc’s for all the cc’s i write so stay tuned !!

A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)

other than physical touch (saving that for love language) karl’s favorite way to show affection is making you a huge part of his life. all of his friends and loved ones know just how important you are to him even without him saying anything. especially with blowing up and all the busy stuff he does as a creator, he wants you to be there with him every step of the way, never leaving you in the dark about anything. he’s always asking you for advice or ur opinion on certain projects, and if ur willing to help too that just makes him so happy. because at the end of the day, he wouldn’t be able to do it without you :)

B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)

you guys are definitely the wholesome couple. there’s so much love and communication between you two that doesn’t go unnoticed by the people around you. on top of that, you guys share an adoration for each other that is just so freaking cute man

C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)

in the beginning of your relationship, karl would kinda just try to cheer you up or make you laugh, but as things get more serious he’s very avid on getting you to talk about your issues so he can find the best way to be there for you.

D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)

dates with karl are so fun !! he definitely likes just doing random stuff like shopping, going on long drives, or trying new places to eat and calling them dates. at the same time you guys also do bigger things like fancy restaurants (hes so rich oh dear god), amusement parks, long day trips, stuff like that.

E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)

karl doesn’t strike me as a ‘heart on his sleeve’ kinda guy but around you, he’s definitely not closed off at all. aside from just talking to you and verbally being open, he also isn’t afraid to let you see him get upset or even cry about something. i see him as the type to value transparency in a relationship.

F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)

karl definitely loves you, no doubt about it. but i feel like you guys really do enjoy just being together in the moment and not worrying about that stuff until much later down the line. you could be dating for a really long time and there’s still gonna be so much you can learn about each other. i’ll give karl an official number of 5 years. but maybe even longer. it’s a big decision guys remember!! especially because he does want you in his life forever, he wants to make sure the bond is truly like no other.

G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)

depends. you guys have lots of playful banter and bullying but at the end of day he can be a big softy when it comes to you. so yes id say he’s pretty gentle 👍

H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)

loves it. obviously. it’s karl jacobs. have you seen the guy?

I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)

him. it was really early on into the relationship and he kinda regretted saying it so quickly. there was just so much emotion going on for him at the time and he just blurted it out. after a little while longer tho, he gave a proper confession of his love.

J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

everyone always says no for karl but YES. he does get jealous. not like angry jealous more like weirded out and uncomfy jealous. you can usually tell when he’s feeling that way.

K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)

writing about kissing kinda makes me cringe but i had to think of something for k. it happens a lot probably. very sweet and loving. not just on the lips but karl will give you random kisses anywhere whenever he feels like it.

L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)

PHYSICAL TOUCH AHHHH. constant hand holding, hugs, and cuddles. he loves being close to people he loves and it’s very obvious (i’m a karlnap shipper and analyzer sorry just had to confess)

M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)

karl’s favorite memories with you are usually on his days off when he just gets to spend an entire day being with you and only you. on top of that he also is very fond of the first time he ever met you and was like “ooo ahh wow you should like spend the rest of ur life with me or whatever Idk just something to think about ” lol.

N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)

nothing too soppy because i think karl would find it cringe but “babe” and “cutie” are the most frequent.

O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)

after the first argument you guys have methinks. i feel like being caught in the honeymoon phase would kinda put the opening up process on hold, but once there’s a need for it it becomes a frequent thing.

P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)

uhh not really. i know i said differently in my karl dating hc’s but i think he would find it a little cringe. hand holding is a definite because that’s simple ya know and hugging and small kisses and stuff but nothing more. he’s touchy as we all know but that’s just for you guys lol

Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)

karl loves loves LOVES knowing things about you. finding out stuff you guys have in common makes him so happy even just similarities in the ways you were raised and your childhoods and such. he’s a good listener and is always attentive. even if he wasn’t good at remembering stuff he would make the conscious effort to do so. 

R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)

he’s such a little goofball gremlin that the thought of him seriously being romantic just doesn’t feel right but. he is. he loves doing stuff for you and just telling you how much he loves you and getting emotional about it. taking you out and making you feel like the luckiest person alive :)

S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)

he honestly doesn’t strike me as the protective type. possessive i would say maybe a little bit. he’s just so happy to have you and so like proud of himself for getting an epic s/o lol. he would never intrude on a friendship of yours or anything but if he was uncomfortable in anyway he would let you know before acting out.

T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)

he puts everything he can into it. with him being so busy all the time things might get rocky but he makes such an effort to spend as much time with you as he can. being there for you is something that’s really important for him as well. any disagreements you guys have is resolved asap because he definitely doesn’t like leaving things on a bad note.

U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)

he talks about you lots. anything that you make him or buy him is showed off on stream and any accomplishments you’ve made he would publicly congratulate you on. just showing to the world how great he thinks you are and how proud of you he is makes you feel so supported and he always wants you to feel that way.

V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)

yes obviously ur the coolest most epic person and HE gets to be with you??? biggest flex ever if you ask me.

W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)

karl likes doing stuff at the same time as you?? i hope that makes sense. like washing the dishes together or working on stuff. he also likes watching anime or movies/tv shows at the same time as you too. if a new episode of something just came out and he has the time to watch it but you don’t, he’ll wait for you so you can do it together. couple goals lol.

X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)

karl cares a lot about how the people around him are feeling and i think he’s pretty good at recognizing that. he’s extremely attentive to you and always makes sure ur comfortable.

Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)

between mr beast and all the work that he does it usually hits him when he finally gets home to relax and ur not there :( he does get really upset and a little needy about it but he tries his best to just focus on the stuff he needs to get done so he doesn’t miss you too much.

Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)

a brown cat named Cornelius 😎

@themanifoldenjoyer @fantasy-innit @k-l-a-w-s @joyfullymulti

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - So, What Did We Learn Children? ( A second half of S3 Recap)

So this is it. The last Salt post. It’s been fun. In a way I hate to see it all end, but I will also be grateful at not having to fight Tumblr for deleting all my work when making long posts all the time. I also will not miss slowly combing through episodes trying to find screenshots.  

More importantly though, I feel a real sense of accomplishment. I’ve done long review series/marathons before, but this is the first time I’ve fully completed one. This is because TTS, for all of its ups and downs, has one of the most amazingly supportive fandoms I’ve ever been in. I was only able to finish this series of reviews because of all of your wonderful feedback. 

Thank you. 

Now for those of you just joining us here are the past recaps to catch up on... 

To Filler or Not to Filler

Hey, What Ever Happened to That Varitas, Guy?

What Is the Point?

‘Whatta Twist’

“Rapunzel Knows Best!” 

As for this recap we’ll be covering these episodes...

Pascal’s Dragon

Islands Apart

Cassandra's Revenge Part 1 

Cassandra's Revenge Part 2

Race to the Spire

A Tale of Two Sisters

Flynnpostor

Once a Handmaiden (first half) 

Once a Handmaiden (second half) 

Plus Est En Vous Part 1 

Plus Est En Vous Part 2 

Plus Est En Vous Part 3 (first half) 

Plus Est En Vous Part 3 (second half) 

Chibi Tiny Tales & Ever After 

As always, what we discussed in previous recaps is still applicable here. I just don’t want to be repeating myself constantly, so before you say I skipped something please go back and read the other reviews. 

Mismanagement Of The Budget  

I understand that part of the agreement for even getting a third season, despite the show failing, was to introduce budget cuts. Which is why season three is shorter and has fewer songs in it. However, that doesn’t excuse the fact that what budget that was given to the crew was horribly utilized. 

Money was wasted on unneeded background models and stupid filler scenes that added nothing to the plot, while important elements like the incantations get underserved. That’s also not including the overreliance on reused character models in the second half of the show, nor the increase in animation errors.   

The Villains’ Fail To Have Competent And Coherent Plans 

Nothing Zhan Tiri and Cassandra do in season three makes any logical sense. Any plans they enact either actively work against their stated goals or wind up being pointless in the long run. 

The problem with this, is that it reduces the tension. Both villains come across as incredibly lame and non-threating because their actions appear to be scattershot and impotent. And in Cassandra’s case, it reduces her sympathy in the audience's eyes because her brain has been effectively stolen by the plot.  

Another consequence to making the villains so ineffective is that the heroes now also look super stupid and selfish at not being about to thwart them promptly. So in the end everyone comes out looking dumb. 

Pointlessly Pitiful Payoffs 

I’ve talked about the lack of setup and resolve in this show a lot. Too many setups don’t have proper resolutions and certain outcomes don't have the needed build up to make them effective. When we do finally get payoffs for things that were established beforehand, they're far too often too limp and weak of an ending to feel satisfying.      

Tonal Dissonance 

I’ve hinted at this before with the series’ lack of focus, but that covered a lot of various things. Now, I’m talking about tonal whiplash specifically. The second half of season three takes the series ongoing problem with tone and maintaining a certain mood and cranks it up to eleven. 

Nothing has weight because the jokes get in the way. You can’t take the story seriously because the writers aren’t above using humor to cover their plot holes. Characters get assassinated for the sake of comedy. And on the rare occasions that show actually tries to be heartfelt, the art direction works to undermined it with poor editing, layout, and lighting. 

A Broken Magic System, Weak Lore, And Poor World Building  

Part of why none of the characters’ actions make sense is because the series failed to layout the needed groundwork for the magic system that said characters are using. 

We don’t know what the two mcguffins everyone is fighting over are, where they come from, nor what is they even do exactly. The conflict is negated because we don’t why things are happening the way they are. 

The rules of the magic/universe alter and change on a whim for no rhyme or reason. Which makes the characters’ decisions seem contradictory in hindsight.

Basic things like geography and the passage of time is completely thrown out the window, which calls into question certain characters’ behaviors and reactions to things. 

We get hints at backstories, but there is no lore nor history in which to hang the characters’ motivations upon. What little insight we do get often doesn’t have any bearing on the plot at all. 

It’s frustrating because Tangled the Series had the building blocks to be something really special. The ideas are there. Unfortunately, incompetence and laziness means that none of these interesting themes had time and room to grow. 

One Character Steals The Story From All The Other Characters

However, beyond all this, the story’s core structural problems stem from last minute re-writes and the creator’s obsession with inserting his OC into parts of the story where she simply doesn’t belong.  

Cassandra is robbed of both agency and individuality as she shoved into everyone else story. She steals Rapunzel’s backstory. She mimics Varian’s villains schemes. She replaces Eugene in both scenes from the film and as the most important person in Rapunzel’s life. She’s forced to become the mother she’s never known and the mindless puppet to a lame daemon without any regards to what she might want or who she is as a person. All the while holding the idiot ball so the plot can move forward and wearing an ill-fitting catsuit so the creator can drool over her. 

No one is allowed to shine. No one is allowed to be themselves. No one gets any sort of satisfying character arc nor fulling ending. Not Rapunzel, not Varian, not Eugene, not Lance, not Red and Angry, not Zhan Tiri and Demanitus, not Gothel and the Disciples, not the Brotherhood, not Cap, not the King and Queen, not Willow, not Lady Caine, not Andrew and the Saporians, not Hookfoot, his brother, and Seraphina, not Faith, Vex, or Calliope, and most certainly not Cassandra herself. 

Misogynistic, Racist, and Classist Writing 

I don’t like to get up on my high horse and browbeat people for watching things with ‘bad morals’ because that’s overly simplistic and doesn’t address any real world problems. Not to mention that there are far too many toxic individuals on this earth that love to get on soapboxes for attention and shame people for not being ‘pure’ enough, for no other reason then to persecute and bully innocent people. 

With that said, not advocating for censorship and refusing to engage in purity culture bullshit, doesn’t mean ignoring problematic ideas and and toxic behaviors altogether. Especially when you see a pattern of disturbing themes being touted as normal or even ‘good’ by a multi-million dollar franchise that’s broadcasted to children worldwide.

So what’s the solution? 

Talk about it. 

Bring things up for discussion and breakdown why you find something to be morally repugnant. Sure, best not to give harmful ideologies a platform to begin with, but you will never de-platform a company as large as Disney anyways, so use it as a jumping off point to argue why diversity is needed behind the scenes, why economic equality is important, and how to tell real representation from stereotypes and tokenisms.      

I write these reviews not because I hate Tangled the Series, far from it. I enjoy the show immensely but I’m not blind to it faults either. The Salt Marathon has always, always been a starting point for discussion, education, and genuine analysis. It’s not simply hate watching for hating’s sake. And I hope, now that it’s all over with, you dear readers have walked away from this with a better understanding of ethics and legal theory, the pitfalls of media production and it’s school yard politics, and how to be a better storyteller and a better person overall. 

Conclusion

And there you have it folks, the final entry in the Tangled Salt Marathon. 

It’s is finally done. 

However, it’s not the end of my involvement in the fandom. 

I’ll be posting the results of Tangled Survey today in honor of the show’s anniversary, so be on the look out for that. 

Later on today, March 24th, I’ll be hosting the annual Varian Movie over on my discord for anyone who wants to join in. It’s a video edit of all of Varian’s scenes in the show. Stream will start at 9 PM EST. 

https://discord.gg/6GNMTTe49r

Speaking of streams I’ll also be hosting a little victory marathon on the Salt Discord that’ll run along side my newest review series. Every Thursday at 9PM EST, starting on March 31st, I’ll stream four episodes of the Tangled the Series. We’ll be watching in the intended production order to see how that effects the story. 

https://discord.gg/bt6KCaPDVN

As for the newest review series, as requested by popular demand, I’ll be launching the Tangled Bonus Marathon! A far shorter and far less salt filled series as I take a look at the books, comics, adaptations, and miscellaneous merch inspired by the show. 

First up will be a look at the Tangled Junior Novelization! 

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2410567

And finally, I am still working on my crossover fic. Which you can find here. 

Anyways, thank you for your support and for the fun ride. Happy TTS anniversary and catch ya later! Bye! 

[gra-sonas]

Have you caught your breath yet?

Talk about one hell of a cliffhanger! Roswell, New Mexico Season 3 Episode 13 left viewers with a plethora of questions and SHIRI APPLEBY! That's right, the OG Liz was on-screen, and the reveal gave me goosebumps!

Here is part two of my conversations with EP Christopher Hollier and Michael Vlamis, which takes a closer look at the finale and peek at what's ahead.

There was a tremendous amount of information dumped on the audience throughout those two hours, with Roswell, New Mexico Season 3 Episode 12 being the softer of the two, with a greater focus on the quieter moments between characters.

Hour two was heavier on the action but still gave us some beautiful scenes as well.

When asked about the importance of including those moments into a science-fiction show, Hollier remarked, "It's very important. We always break from a place of character, right? And we were also looking too, like what are all of our final battle moments?

"Because if Jones is so big and bad, then someone might not come out of it. What are the things that you want to say that are left unsaid so that you understand what you're fighting for? Explosions have to matter. We always joke. But that being said, we also wanted to challenge ourselves with a big father-son fight.

"And so we actually shot that even though it's only three minutes' worth of time, it took us two nights to shoot that. And it took us several weeks to actually map it out, storyboard it, discuss it. And so we wanted to do both. We felt like the episode's not complete unless people were crying and gasping."

And I think he accomplished his goal, alright.

There were also some cool pairings in the hour (and throughout the season), like Max and Alex, that fans will undoubtedly love. Much as they loved seeing Rosa and Michael hang out earlier in the season.

As Hollier told it, "I love that as well. And part of that was born out of the pandemic and getting actors in and really looking at the great people we had and being like, "How can we give them something new and how can we keep this fresh?"

"And one of the ways to do that is to do these pairings. Like for example, Amber Midthunder had never stood in the junkyard for a scene before. So, we're like, "You know what? We're going to put her there, and we're going to give her some work to do with Michael."

"So that was one of our favorites. We loved watching Kyle and Isobel interact with each other. You mentioned Alex and Max. It came up in the room. I'm like, "Those two guys have never had a scene together. We got to give them one."

"That was one of my favorites as well."

Both hours were framed around one singular focus, which was to finally break the bond between Jones and Max so they could eliminate Jones for good. And in the end, the good guys got their wish.

Though, is this the last we'll see of Jones? By far the best villain the show has seen to date, and played to perfection by Nathan Dean, Hollier spoke about whether there was ever a plan to keep the dictator past this season.

"Here's the thing. He is so fun, and Nathan crushed it playing it. I know it's tiring doing that. And also, we as writers, and I think the audience, even though he's delicious, will want something new. He was great for what he was.

"Again, we might not have seen the last of him. We do tell a lot of flashbacks, and we do jump to the home planet. So, for those people that are big Jones fans, you might get to see a little bit more of him, but he's not the main villain of next season."

That climax with Jones was also a bit of a labor of love for the cast who got to all film together, with Hollier remarking, "We spent so much time last year being away from each other.

"It brought such joy, I think, to our actors and selves to be able to do scenes like that. So hopefully, that translates to our audience wanting to see them together as well."

While Jones didn't make it through the finale, many of our couples ended the season in a great place which was a considerable departure from the end of Roswell, New Mexico Season 2.

When asked about that departure, Hollier replied, "We had two goals when we said this, that we, given what was going on in the world, we didn't want to end in doom and gloom. We wanted to end with people happy.

"We wanted hope ultimately to win out. And so that was important for us as a message to put through, as our world is very complicated. So that was the goal. The other thing that we wanted to do is we wanted to give the audience and ourselves other places to write to.

"Just because you fall in love and get that that person to stand with you doesn't mean that things are easy, doesn't mean that you're built to go the distance. And so, it gives us a whole new section to open up complications for each of those couples, and we would get to root for them in different ways now."

For Liz and Max, their journey was always at the forefront for the writers.

"It was really looking at our poster couple first and saying like, "Where have we left and what have they wrestled with for two years? And if they really are going to go the distance, how do we get them to ask those tough questions and grow towards each other? They need to grow up and then to each other."

"So, that's where we started. And then we also started with a little romantic comedy fun of like, let's delay that kiss until episode 13."

Fan-favorite couple Malex got to walk away together on their own terms, and it was a moment many years in the making. Speaking about their reunion this season, Vlamis was excited to go on this journey with such an available scene partner in the other half of Malex, Tyler Blackburn.

I think it's so cool. I would've loved to have more scenes with him in the first six episodes. I mean, we didn't even get together, we didn't even have a scene till episode 3. But I think that probably just kind of created a little bit more hype. But I mean, I've loved it so much.We've gone through every emotion.

"We've gone through every scenario that a breakup or relationship, in general, could go through. We've gotten to play just so many moments in my life are put into Roswell. So many real-life moments are put in on-screen when I'm with Tyler, and I know he's doing the same, and Tyler is available as any actor can be.

"So we're literally just on this rollercoaster of, oh, we love each other, but we hate each other right now. Or we fully love each other right now, or we're just friends right now, but we protect each other, and we're safe around each other.

"Every side of the spectrum, I mean we even had a freaking three-way, you know what I'm saying? Like they give us everything, it's insane."

For Vlamis, he watched this season right along with us each week, thanks to a trusty antenna. And he spoke humbly about watching the prior season while in the middle of shooting Season 4.

"Oh, you know what, I love it. I know some actors are a little hesitant to watch themselves. I'm not going to lie; I'm the complete opposite. I think I find so much joy in watching myself and seeing what works, what doesn't work.

"Oh, on that day, I related this scene to this memory of whatever, and oh my God, it's working so well. Or, oh, I did this, and it's not, you know. Like you get to learn so much. I can watch something objectively and totally. I can watch something as a viewer.

"But it's fun because I like watching myself too because on the day I do the take, I do every scene so different that sometimes I think they get a little annoyed that everything's so different, but I love it because when I watch the episode, it's so cool to see what they picked.

"And I would say a lot of the time they picked something that I did that maybe wasn't in the script. But the writers, they set the platform for me to get to that point. I always hit the words, but sometimes they let me go have a little bit of fun, and whether they let me or not, I just do it. And sometimes it makes the episode.

"It's just really exciting to know that when I sit down to watch something, I'm as surprised as the viewers because I did the take ten different ways, and I have no idea what it's going to be. So that's such a thrill. And when you're watching, for me, it just creates hype. Every Monday, I've watched it live with my antenna.

"I went to Best Buy, and I bought a $35 antenna, and that's how I'm watching the show every week. So, it's really special for me to have Roswell to look forward to, to watch every week while filming, because I'm such a fan of the show."

Well, the fans, along with Vlamis, were surely blown away by that final frame, which sets up a plethora of questions and possibilities as we head into the hiatus.

As for THAT moment and what's ahead, Hollier teased, "I'm excited for people to react. I think they're going to have a great reaction to that moment and not really be thinking about it or seeing it coming.

"And then I would remind the audience that the very first image and the first window into any story often isn't where that story goes. So, I'm excited for people to speculate for a few months of what they think is happening and let them come back and see how we turn that whole thing on its head."

Well, if that isn't a doozy of a tease!

I didn't ask Vlamis for any season 4 teases as we were running well over time, but I did ask him what he was most excited for the fans to see in the finale, and this exchange is too pure to not post in its entirety.

What are you excited for the audience to see in this finale coming up?

Vlamis: Oh man, honestly, I'm so excited to see the scene where my stomach gets stapled. I'm so stoked on that scene. I'm like, did they leave it in? Like, is it in there? Like, is it awesome? You saw it.

I'm not going to lie. I closed my eyes a little bit when I watched it.

Vlamis: I remember one take, there's no way they did it, but you know, that's a big wound. She needed to staple me a couple times, probably, to close that.

I think they only show one, but yeah.

Vlamis: Okay. Okay. So, on the day when she stapled me, I yelled. She did it, and then I yelled, "Again!" like super loud. I was just hoping to God like because it would be so funny if they put that in there, but I'm sure it just, you know, there's time constraints.

All right. We don't need an extra "again," we don't need another staple in the stomach, but I actually am also really excited for the face-off scene in the bunker with Jones and Michael. When Michael all of a sudden starts basically overpowering Jones. I think that is such an amazing moment.

Yeah!

Vlamis: They sent me the scenes last night to watch before these, but you know, we shot till midnight, and then I jumped on a plane to come to a wedding. I got like two hours of sleep. So, I haven't even seen it.

I'm so excited to see it. But remembering just the beating Michael Guerin takes in these episodes is unbelievable. And I mean, I just cannot wait. The guy's a machine. He should have been dead like 80 times.

The thing that I know is going to be probably the most tweeted about, the most talked about, is taking that bandana off and holding Alex's hand and right in front of his dad's statue. And I hope they left that scene exactly how I think they're going to leave it, which I'm sure they did.

Lance Anderson, the director, knows what he is doing. And that's just a huge moment. That's been building for three seasons.

Yeah. It really has. It turns out beautifully.

Vlamis: It's kind of our first date. Oh, great! Great. Yeah, in the same spot where I saw Forrest get off the bus and kiss him.

The whole season comes full circle.

Vlamis: It really does. It truly does.

[luzswonderland]

Thoughts on “Clouds on the Horizon”

It’s been a while since I’ve done a review (school amirite 🙃), but this was such a huge episode that I have to cover it. So much went down!

We start off the episode with Belos anticipating “The Day of Unity” and the Collector taunting him about his past and all his decisions. Their relationship is very unique. They don’t necessarily like each other, but they know they need each other in order to accomplish their goals. I hope we can get more scenes with them before the series ends.

Kikimora being demoted to an airship pilot is hilarious 😂

This episode does not let us forget that Odalia runs the show in the Blight household. We see that she is manipulative to both her husband and her kids to make them follow her every word. And she has had enough of Amity’s “rebellious streak.” 

It’s understandable to keep the secret of “King being a Titan” between the five of them. It will make the reveal next episode so much better 👌🏾

Wow. Eda is the key to this mission’s success. She has the most experience with her curse and is the best person to corrupt the spell. Edalyn Clawthorne is once again putting her life on the line for the greater good.😭 *I share Raine’s feelings tho*

This moment that we get to share with Luz, King and Eda before they go their separate ways is so important and made me tear up. We started with these characters and have seen them grow so much. They are not the same people they were in the beginning of the series and that’s what makes this show so beautiful. However, with this scene, I can’t help but feel a sense of dread coming their way. Like it’s the last time, we will see these characters this way every again 😥

 Luz’s tiny ponytail 🥰❤️. That is all I have to say about that.

And she has her palisman and she wants it to make it’s own form!! 👏🏾👏🏾

“Titan, help us” LMAO. Come on Darius, “The CATS” is an awesome battle cry 😂

Glad that Luz has teamed up with her original best friends plus Hunter ❤️

“ Don’t worry, I’m A-okay!”

Oh Come on Hunter, Come clean already😫

Love that Luz and Hunter have something to relate to when it comes to their trauma concerning what occurred in “Hollow Minds.” We see that the whole Phillip situation still bothers Luz, just as much as Hunter hates that fact that he is a Grimwalker

RIP Amity’s tamagotchi 😭

“We can shout has loud as we want, but money always shouts louder.”-TRUTH!!!!

Love how much the twins have changed since their introduction in the series. I really appreciate how their character development occurred behind the scenes or in the background. They went from trying to humiliate Amity any chance they could, to actually being there for her during difficult times.

Like giving Luz and Amity their privacy 😏

This hug and embrace😊😊🥰🥰😚

There’s so much I want to say about this scene, but I think everyone else has expressed how I feel about this scene already. I’m so happy we got this moment for both of them, especially as this series is drawing to close. I just know that Dana and her crew had to fight for this moment to be animated and shown to the world. AND on DISNEY no less. EXCELLENT JOB GUYS!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Side Note: The animation during this scene was phenomenal. Loved their expressions! 👌🏾

“Oh, crikey. How did I even think that? Come on Luz, be cool next time.”

Aww, it’s okay Luz. You just got your first kiss from the “Cotton Candy Haired Goddess.” 😂😄

Raine and Eda have my heart. Every time they have a conversation, it just bleeds a history of love and respect they have for each other❤️

“Isn’t it cool we get one last adventure together.”

I hate this foreshadowing😭😭😭

King being able to hear the Collector’s thoughts is very interesting 🤔

LOL at the mouse looking like Alador. 😂 I almost thought Odalia cast a spell on him to look like that

Really like how the crew plays off each other even during times of crises LOL

“Yeah, and we are all about invaluable assets.”

“Can’t get enough of them.”

“I’m an asset gal myself.”

“I haven’t had a weekend off in five years.”-Oof. Save this man from this abusive marriage 😔

Props to Edric and Emira for still trying to help out, despite the consequences

Amity confronting Odalia is all I needed to see to show that she has completed her character development. The show did not go into this too much, but ever since the show began, you can tell that Amity was being stifled by her family’s expectations, especially her mother’s. It’s very satisfying to see her stand up for herself and change her perspective on life.

“Don’t you talk to my girlfriend like that!”-It’s the way Amity shut down that disrespect immediately with no hesitation. We love to see it. 👏🏾👏🏾

“We’ll find you a new girlfriend. Someone who is not on wanted posters everywhere.”-Well at least she’s not homophobic.🤷🏾‍♀️  But that’s not saying much about Odalia.

Loved this bit of animation

Loved this too

Odalia knowing about true intentions of the Day of Unity does not surprise me. She is a business woman before she is a mother and wife. 

“You’ll thank me when you’re a literal princess, Princess.” 🙄

As much I like how Alador finally took a stand toward Odalia. It took too long imo. But I knew he would be the key to putting Odalia in her place.

“I’ve been meaning to find a more competent business partner anyway.”-Divorce?🤔 Either way, good for Alador tbh

Wow Alador was just about give Luz his blessing and then out pops Hunter.😂

PS: I noticed the switch up when Luz (Hunter) saved Willow from the Abomatons.

Luz is a real one for taking Hunter’s place. But happens next?

That was the penultimate episode of the season. And a very strong one too. All the main players are in their respective locations. Luz meeting Belos, the Hexside kids with Alador and Eda near the Conformatorium. Next episode is going to be huge.🤯

Can’t believe the season ends next week. Very excited to see how everything with draw to a close.😢

[wield-the-mighty-pen]

Analyzing Marinette’s hairstyles

So, I’ve actually seen a bunch of different posts and takes of what Marinette’s hairstyles represent and symbolize especially in regard to the episode “Heart Hunter”, but I wanted to go through all the different styles of hair instead of solely focusing on the pigtails/hair down of that particular episode.

With that being said, in no particular order, here we go:

The Bun

This hairstyle is almost exclusively seen in the episode “Animaestro”. However if you’re paying close attention, you will see Marinette wearing this hairstyle, in the old class picture, featured in “Reflekta”. I find the fact that the show made this connection between these two (scenes? examples?) incredibly interesting and very telling. Putting the class picture aside for a moment, one must analyze Marinette’s behavior in the episode “Animaestro”. To be sure, it isn’t great. For the most part, Marinette acts foolishly and immaturely and her actions in this episode, indirectly lead to the akumatization. Marinette, in her jealous state, goes so far as to join up with Chloe (a person she despises), and attempt childish pranks on Kagami. In short, I think that the bun hairstyle symbolizes a sort of immaturity for Marinette. The fact that she wore this hairstyle when she was younger only goes to prove my point. Marinette is not a perfect character, but her actions in “Animaestro” are arguably some of her worst, and naturally when she has hit a low in her maturity level, she reverts back to a hairstyle of her youth.

The Braid

The braid can be easily shoved aside as not holding any symbolism, as just a way the design team chose to incorporate the tail in her costume. However, there were a number of ways the tail could have been incorporated into the Ladynoir costume, and as such the braid must be analyzed. Now, a braid can be considered an almost restricting thing, it carefully tucks back locks of hair and traps them better than an ordinary ponytail can. However, the Ladynoir braid almost has a ‘fun’ twist to it (pun not intended but appreciated). It is long (like really long), and we even see her flick it playfully over her shoulder. I think that the braid is supposed to represent that dualism between responsibility and fun that the job of superhero can have. I have heard a lot of people criticize “Reflekdoll” for its lack of parallels. In other words, Chat Noir learns something and better appreciates Ladybug, but the reverse isn’t true, and I would say that in many ways this is true, Ladybug is not privy to the lesson that Chat Noir is. However, I would argue that she did learn something. Ladybug learned that it’s okay for her to have fun and to joke around. Towards the beginning of the episode we see Ladybug chastising Chat Noir for his joking around, however by the end we see Ladybug embrace this approach and even make some jokes herself. The braid shows Marinette acceptance of balance, of the combination of enjoyment and responsibility within her life.

The Space Buns

This design as well can be attributed to the design team finding a way to show mouse ears, but I’m still going to try to analyze this. I have two different ways to possibly explain this hairstyle. The first being to draw parallels to the bun hairstyle as this is essentially the same thing but two instead of one. The correspondence between the two hairstyles could be seen through Marinette’s feigned naivety in front of Chat Noir. She “accidentally” reveals herself as Marinette and pretends to be less informed than she really is. The other way to translate this hairstyle is as a security blanket so to speak. I haven’t gotten into the metaphorical interpretation of Marinette’s pigtails yet, but I will briefly explain a part of it now (and go into depth a little later). The pigtails serve as a sense of security for Marinette, as a source of status quo. The space buns are that, but elevated. In the episode this hairstyle is featured, “Kwamibuster” (I don’t think I mentioned this before), Marinette is desperate to keep her identity a secret from Chat Noir and develops a convoluted plan (including Multi-mouse) to accomplish this. She wants the security of her identity and wants to use her comfort style at this moment. However, Marinette is trying to distance herself from Ladybug and as such she uses a slight variation of her pigtails in her alternate hero form.

The Ponytail

I’m gonna be honest and say that I can’t fully analyze this hairstyle as we have not yet seen the episode where this hairstyle makes its second appearance. So I’m just focusing here on the ponytail from “Optigami”. I might make another analysis on the ponytail after “Sentibubbler” comes out but it might make more sense to wait until after the whole season comes out, in case there are new examples of ponytails (or other hairstyles for that matter). I don’t want to say anything about Pegabug’s ponytail, because as I’m sure you know, Miraculous trailers can be very misleading. Anyways, after that ramble, I now focus on Ladybee’s ponytail. To be frank “Optigami” was a bit of a doozy. I watched that episode with a sense of dread that did not lighten by the end of the episode. This isn’t a bad thing, but it was intense for a typical episode of Miraculous, a show where my usual reaction is a mix of “oh this is cute” and cringe (to be fair I cringe easily). But what I like so much about season 4 is that we get more than that (I won’t go into this now because I’m straying from the topic too much). Ladybee comes at a time of great stress for Marinette, she gets stuck in an elevator with someone and is thus unable to transform (let alone the fact that that “someone” is Adrien), she is without the help of Chat Noir and most of the other heroes, and (unbeknownst to her for a majority of the episode) her friend has been replaced with a sentimonster. Yet, despite all of this, Marinette remains cool, calm, and collected. She, unlike Alya, does not fall apart and despair when Senti-Nino is revealed, she knows she has to get the job done. A ponytail gives an image of “getting the job done” of focus. Although the situation is dire and dangerous, Marinette displays her competence in crisis and the ponytail magnifies that trait. I have a feeling that the same will be true for Pegabug, but only time (and the episode coming out) will tell.

Hair Down

In the two episodes that we have seen Marinette wearing her hair down, they were both in connection with Adrien and her relationship with her. I want to separate the two examples because though they both wind up achieving similar goals in regard to their symbolism, they do it in different ways. Focusing first on “Chat Blanc” Marinette wears her hair down in part to distinguish to the audience the difference between the two timelines. Though the surface level explanation of her hair would be sufficient explanation, this choice of hairstyle also has a deeper interpretation. This being as a metaphor for Marinette’s vulnerability. She is allowing her feelings to be known to Adrien, she is allowing herself to be open and honest about her emotions and with that freedom she lets her hair free as well. It is also significant that she is free from her secret identity (albeit unknowingly) and as she allows Adrien to see the full spectrum of her personality, she frees her hair from its restraint. In “Heart Hunter” too, this hairstyle signifies vulnerability and freedom. In this episode we see Marinette having fun with Adrien and Kagami, without the worry of how she is being perceived by Adrien, without the stress about her feelings for him. It is of great significance that when she lets her guard down, when she “lets her hair down” (both literally and metaphorically), Adrien comments on her beauty. We already know, as viewers, that Adrien has fallen in love with Marinette’s personality as Ladybug. But as Marinette, Adrien has not been privy to her full personality. He has only been given glimpses, as in this episode, to the full extent of her persona. Marinette is seen later on in the episode to revert back to her old hairstyle once she is no longer comfortable, when she feels inadequate compared to Kagami. She puts back on her guise when she feels she needs the security. Which leads us to that source of security.

Pigtails

I feel a bit bad as I have simplified this hairstyle in earlier paragraphs to a symbol for security. While this definition is a correct one, this hairstyle has more than one explanation. As Marinette’s primary hairstyle, in both her every day and hero outfits, we see this hairstyle A LOT. Because of this, there is an array of interpretation as to what this hairstyle could mean. Starting with the aforementioned, this hairstyle works as a form of security for Marinette. The style required her to hold her hair back, to keep it in check, away from possible disasters and viewers (wind can tangle hair very easily). The pigtails are the antithesis of letting her hair down, a common symbol for freedom and relaxation. The pigtails therefore show that she is on her guard and is protecting herself. The pigtails also represent her quality of being a do-er. She likes to do things, she is an active person, she doesn’t stand aside or wait for things to happen, she works to make them happen. As a do-er she needs focus, she needs a restraint for her hair that could get in her line of sight, and the pigtails do that well. As Ladybug, the same is true. She is focused and determined to accomplish her goals, to succeed in her battles and she needs to tie her hair back to best accomplish this. There is importance in the fact that she chooses to focus herself with pigtails rather than the equally practical ponytail. This can be attributed to the child-like quality that pigtails have. Marinette, simply put, is still a child. Though as a whole she is particularly mature for her age, at times she can show a bit of immaturity. It is interesting to note that as the seasons progress, the more we see her with other hairstyles. As she matures she wears the pigtails less. The pigtails are also a girly hairstyle and show how Marinette is a girly-girl in a plain and easy way. Additionally, the pigtails give her the approachable, girl-next-door look. In simply looking at Marinette one gets the image of her sweetness and good nature. In visual media, it is important to make a connection between personality and visage. In cartoons especially, a character’s design should fit with how they interact with their world, and the pigtails are an immediate signifier as to Marinette’s character. This about sums up my analysis of her pigtails. I know that there are more ways to interpret them, and feel free to comment if you think of any other interpretations!

[kraviolis]

sorting the owl house characters into hogwarts houses, because im cringe

luz - ravenclaw

she’s creative and clever and is always searching to learn new things and loves learning just for the sake of learning. shes incredibly witty and quick thinking and open-minded. she’s constantly finding clever, creative, and original ways to solve her problems. she hardly blinked when given the opportunity to learn magic, and only continued to show an intense amount of intelligence and appreciation for academics. shes very resourceful as a human learning magic, finding a entirely new form of magic when it was apparent that she couldnt do it the traditional way. she’s very aspiring, wanting to be a witch and an author since she was very young. she’s very logical about a lot of things, like how it doesnt make sense to not allow witches to study multiple tracks or that people were imprisoned just for being themselves. she’s highly encouraging of individuality which is a lesser known trait of ravenclaw but very important. she can be a perfectionist at times and tended to avoid social interaction so she could persue her creativity. she’s outspoken, an overthinker, and very competitive. i think a lot of people might say she’s a hufflepuff, as she’s loyal and kind and hardworking, but luz values learning and creativity above any of those other things— this is evident, when she makes the decision to stay in the boiling isles to learn magic rather than go home to her mom, thus putting knowledge and creativity over her own family.

eda - gryffindor

she’s not afraid to stand up for herself and others and will never back down from a challenge. she would rather die as herself than live unauthentically. she’s very passionate and empathetic. she’s rebellious against rules that dont make sense to her and cares intensely for her friends and family. she has a strong internal moral code that she sticks to intensely, never straying from it. in the very first episode, she breaks into the conformatorium just to get a paper crown thats important to king. she let raine break up with her because she didnt want to burden them with her curse. she forfeited the match with lily because she knew her sister wanted to be in the emperor’s coven more than she ever did. she’s sacrifices herself for luz & king over and over again because she cares so deeply for her.

king - slytherin

he’s self-centered, smart, arrogant, and highly ambitious. he would do anything to achieve his goals— which was at first reclaiming his throne as the king of demons, and then turned into finding out where he came from. he tried to use luz as a means to reach his goals when he became an author, nearly sacrificing their friendship. he became incredibly loyal to luz after that in the same way he’s loyal to eda, the one who raised him.

(other characters under the cut)

lily - slytherin

it was between this and ravenclaw, because she’s incredibly intelligent and does seem to enjoy learning and has a great mind, she’s also incredibly ambitious and prideful. the deciding factor was that she cursed eda just to reach her own goals. she’s still loyal to eda even when working for belos, which says a lot to how she’s loyal to only a select few people. to her, the ends justify the means (making amity cheat to appear like the better teacher, cursing eda to win the duel, kidnapping luz to get belos to cure eda, losing her magic to help eda)

amity - gryffindor

this one was hard, i swapped between slytherin and gryffindor a lot for her. she’s ambitious and intelligent, but also not afraid to do whats right even if means breaking the rules. she’s self-sacrificing and empathetic and prideful. she ended her friendship with boscha to help luz and willow win. she didnt like luz at first because luz kept cheating and messing up her life, which means she has a strong moral code against cheating and bullies. she’s rebellious in small ways at first but once she started realizing how terrible her parents and belos really were, she pulled away extremely quickly.

willow - slytherin

not surprising, if you take into her account of self-preservation and bending of the rules to suit her ambitions. in the first episode she agrees to cheating just to get ahead in school because she wants to make her parents proud, and in the end she switches to the plants track so to her the ends justify the means. she pulled out of the grudgby game when luz pushed her & gus too far, a perfect example of that self preservation. she has a sense of loyalty that extends to very specific people but she always makes sure those people are taken care of. her parents, luz, gus, and eventually king, eda, and amity, too. she wouldn’t die for them, but she would kill for them.

gus - hufflepuff

sure, he has the ravenclaw curiousity and thirst for knowledge, but he’s very kind, hard working, has a strong inner sense of justice and fairness, and is tolerant of others. he helps mattholomule even if he’d been a jerk before because it was unfair if he didnt. he helps luz break into belos’s castle to find a cure for eda, lets luz borrow his library card to see amity, and hated it when mattholomule tried to lie about the human objects. he knows what it feels like to be left behind and underestimated, so he makes an effort to be kind to others who seem to be in the same boat. he’s very young but already so accomplished which is a testament to how hard he works.

hunter - hufflepuff

this one was HARD. it was either slytherin or this, and a deciding factor for this is the fact that he is self-sacrificing. he sacrifices a lot for other people, even if it doesnt seem like it. in the palisman episode, he sacrifices the palismen getting away despite knowing he would be punished for returning empty-handed. in eclipse lake, he leaves to find the titans blood for belos when he simply could have stayed in the castle and been safe. he’s viciously hard-working, dedicated, and loyal to his family. he lets people’s actions speak for them. he doesn’t immediately judge luz for using wild magic and actually seems interested in it before remembering to be loyal to belos. he’s patient, too, as seen by his interactions with luz. he gets frustrated, sure, but he still works with her. he’s modest about his rank and title, preferring to not flaunt it more than needed. but he does take pride in it. he’s kind in his own way, specifically to belos and lil rascal, but you can see it in his interactions with amity & luz, too. with amity, he empathizes with her and gives her advice that he thinks is true, and offers to dig a grave for her too when its apparent that neither of them are getting any titans blood. with luz, he gives up the palismen and protects her from kikimora. that boy is a hufflepuff for sure.

raine - gryffindor

oh buddy theyre the biggest gryffindor ever. they extremely, extremely brave. they have terrible stage fright and anxiety but they still became head bard, and they still ran an underground resistance group, and they still gave everything up just to help eda. they have a strong sense of whats right and whats wrong and incredible amount of passion, empathy, and integrity. they have a great sense of pride— “How did someone with stage fright end up as Head Witch?” “I’m just that good.”— and are very selfless. they stopped eda from sacrificing herself because they knew her kids needed her more, they sacrificed themselves in eda’s place and gave up everything they had just so eda wouldnt have to.

camila - hufflepuff

she’s extraordinarily kind, even when she’s terrified. she’s accepting and open-minded and hardworking, making sure to show luz that she loves her creativity but still wants to make sure luz can do well in school and can make friends. sometimes you can do something you think is kind but isnt really. she’s also a single mother doing her best to give her daughter a good life, which is a credit to how hard she works and how dedicated she is to her daughter. she even took the day off of work to drive luz to camp because she knew luz was anxious and wanted to reassure her. she’s patient with luz, and even when faced with the scariest moment of her life, she’s still thinking of how luz feels rather than her own fears and anger. she’s very much a hufflepuff in the way that she’s quiet and unassuming but fiercely protective of her family.

vee - slytherin

she’s opportunistic and has a sense of self-preservation. she’d rather save her own skin than do that right thing. she’s cunning, having pretended to be camila’s daughter just to have a place for herself. this isnt a bad thing at all, though. she’s also loyal to camila, who she sees as her family, and even got into a fight with luz over how she treated camila. she still listened to luz and let luz help her so that vee could remain living as luz. she doesnt feel guilty about valuing herself ahead of luz.

belos - ravenclaw

honestly? not a hard decision. he’s smart, sure, but he’s not people-smart. he didnt think lilith would betray him after he admitted to lying about healing eda. he doesnt understand loyalty, not even to those close to him. he’s rational and logical rather than emotional. if the theory that he is philip wittebane is to be believed, then its obvious he has an appreciation for learning and knowledge. belos distinctly reminds me of lockhart, or even quirrell, who were also in ravenclaw. he’s got an arrogance to him that blinds him, believing himself to be the smartest and strongest witch on the isles and thus underestimating others, which will only lead him to ruin.

[idnek83]

By Your Side - chapter 2/3

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, No Game Spoilers, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Verbal and Physical Abuse, Homophobia, Other Tags To Be Added

Summary: The epilogue of Aid, in which Soda finally comes out to those around him, and accomplishes a goal he’s had ever since that fateful day in the beach house.

Chapter: 1, 2

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda comes out to his father and things go about as poorly as one would expect. But maybe he hasn't lost nearly as much as he thinks.

Please mind the tags. This chapter contains non-graphic depictions of verbal and physical abuse. If you don’t want to read it but would like to know what happened, please read the summary in the ending notes on AO3

_____________________

Coming out to his friends had been so easy that he had almost convinced himself that coming out to his dad could be easy too.

It wasn’t that bad really, he only hit him a few times, he’d been beaten worse for breaking things in the garage.

He was glad he told Gundham not to come though.

“You’re already such a useless fuckin’ disappointment-”

Really, watching how Gundham would react to his father’s abuse would probably have been way harder to take.

“Now you ain’t even gonna have a kid and continue the family? Too busy suckin’ dick like a disgusting-”

At this point his dad was pretty much just repeating himself. Earlier, Soda had tried to appease his father by pointing out that he was actually still interested in women, so technically he might still have a kid someday.

But his father wasn’t listening, so he gave up.

He didn’t really want kids anyways.

He was too scared he’d end up like his dad.

“-outta my house before I throw you out!”

Oh, that was new. He probably should have been listening better. He really was useless.

“What?”

“I said you best get your ass outta my house real quick, or I’m gonna throw ya out, and don’t even think ‘bout coming back unless you’re ready to put this gay shit behind you.”

His father’s entire face was red, a few ugly veins stood out on his forehead, and he looked cartoonishly angry.

Soda couldn’t help but think it was almost funny.

“Can I, um, can I grab some of my stuff first?”

Soda wasn’t really sure how he was acting so calm, it always happened when things with his dad got really bad. Calm didn’t stop his father from hitting him, but it usually stopped him from hitting harder.

His father’s eyes narrowed and his shoulders tensed in a way Soda had learned meant he should start preparing to be hit again, but to his surprise his father just turned and stormed away after mumbling “Ya got 15 fucking minutes,” followed by a string of insults Soda knew were supposed to be hurtful, but hardly affected him anymore.

It’s hard to feel rain drops when you’re already soaked.

He walked to his room an sat on the bed.

He just stared.

What was he supposed to do? Pack? Most his stuff was already in his dorm at Hope’s Peak. Why had he asked to get his stuff when there wasn’t even anything important here?

He looked vacantly around his room.

It was pretty sparse. Just some dirty clothes thrown around on old worn-out furniture. There was a picture of him and his dad on the nightstand.

Maybe he should take that? People always take photos with them in movies and shit, so that’s probably what he’s supposed to do, right?

He threw it out the window instead.

It probably should have made him feel something, but he just felt numb.

He grabbed a pillowcase and stared filling it with his clothes and some of the random junk he had sitting around, not really paying attention to what he was doing.

Was this the last time he would ever be in this room? In this house?

The thought made him freeze.

He was about to lose the only home he’d ever had.

He swallowed a lump in his throat and laid down on his bed, tried to remember the feeling of it and the image of his ceiling.

It was stupid, but he felt like he would miss staring at that ceiling, suddenly every little bump and scratch felt like an important part of who he was. He had stared at it his whole life and now he just… wouldn’t be able to ever again.

He felt like he was upset about the wrong thing, but he couldn’t stop the tears from coming to his eyes anyway.

He was definitely going to miss that ceiling.

There was a knock at the door.

Shit, had it been 15 minutes already?

He stood and grabbed his sack of stuff, wiped his face, and opened the door to his room for what was probably the last time.

No one was there.

He checked his phone to see if his time was actually up, maybe he was just hearing things.

He had 12 missed calls from Gundham and twice as many unanswered texts.

There was another knock at the door.

Not his room door.

The front door.

Oh god, no.

He ran to the front door and pulled it open. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Gundham standing there looking both incredibly concerned and incredibly angry.

He was surprised when he didn’t immediately shove both himself and his boyfriend out the door like he had been planning to though.

Something about seeing Gundham just then, seeing the man he felt so safe around right as he was losing his home broke him, and instead of pushing Gundham back and away from the building like he should, he wrapped his arms around him and choked a sob into his chest.

Gundham held him tightly, and for a moment Soda didn’t feel so lost.

And then his dad found them.

“And this is the fucking guy? Really went with the fruitiest fucker you could, huh? Couldn’t pick one that at least looks like a girl could ya, ya little-”

He couldn’t take it if his father and Gundham started fighting. He needed to leave. Now.

He tried to nudge Gundham back, but Gundham just held him tighter.

“Cease your barking, foul beast.”

No.

Gundham shifted, partially shielding Soda from his father. He was definitely getting ready to fight.

No no no.

“I will not allow you to-”

The venom in Gundham’s raised voice sent a chill down Soda’s spine that he wished wasn’t so familiar.

He needed to stop this before it got bad, before he started fearing Gundham’s voice the same way he feared his father’s.

“Gundham, please, don’t.”

It was quiet, pathetic, and mumbled into Gundham’s chest. If his father had heard it he would have laughed and mocked him more, there’s not way it would have stopped him.

But it stopped Gundham.

He felt Gundham tense for a moment, before stroking Soda’s hair and muttering an apology against his temple. It was the exact kind of tender comfort Soda had never dared dream of receiving during one of his father’s episodes.

It made him cling to Gundham harder.

Yeah, his dad really didn’t appreciate that.

Soda was pretty sure Gundham was literally biting his tongue as the two of them walked away from the house, trailed by every insult and threat his father could think to utter. Only once they made it to the sidewalk did Gundham pause and look back. Soda could see him seething, knew Gundham needed to say something, and just pressed his head against Gundham’s shoulder, allowing him to finally speak up.

He didn’t have the energy to stop him anyways.

Gundham locked eyes with Soda’s father and tightened his arm protectively around Soda’s back.

He just hoped Gundham wouldn’t yell again.

“May you one day find enough love to know your actions were wrong.”

It was hardly any louder than Gundham’s usual speaking voice, but the moment of silence that followed it told Soda that his father had indeed heard it.

The renewed vigor of his threats after, however, told him his father didn’t care for the words.

–

Soda wasn’t 100% sure how they got back to campus.

He vaguely remembers being on a bus and hiding his face against Gundham’s neck, doing his best not to cry in public.

He didn’t need more people seeing how pathetic he was.

He remembers the warmth of Gundham’s hand on his back and the soothing sound of his voice, though he can’t really remember anything he said.

He was so useless he couldn’t even pay attention when someone was trying to comfort him.

It wasn’t until they were walking through the doors of their dorm building that he really felt like he was able to focus again. Something about being in a familiar place just made his mind come back from… wherever it had been.

The first thing he noticed was that he didn’t have the pillowcase he had shoved all his shit in.

He didn’t have the pillowcase.

His heartbeat picked up.

He didn’t have his stuff.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t have a house,

His knees buckled.

He didn’t have a home.

He fell. He felt sick. He felt like he was dying.

Gundham was saying something. He couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything but his own too loud heartbeat and his brain’s assurance that he had lost everything and that he might as well just die.

Suddenly he was being carried. He wanted to protest but he couldn’t catch his breath, so he just gasped and choked pathetically in Gundham’s arms until he was slowly lowered onto a bed.

His bed.

His bed in his dorm room, covered in his dirty clothes and his unwashed blankets.

Soda gripped the sheets, his sheets, and something about it made the knot in his chest loosen.

He could breathe again.

He opened his eyes, unsure when he had closed them, and looked down at Gundham, who was crouched down before him holding his limp hands in his own.

A small smile graced Gundham’s face when Soda met his eyes.

“Have you returned to me, my love?”

Soda’s mouth felt dry, so he just nodded.

Gundham stood, slowly, the same way Soda knew he would around a frightened animal, and lifted one of Soda’s hands to gently press his lips to his knuckles.

“Do you keep ice in your fridge, dear consort?”

The question felt bizarre. Ice? Was this an overlord thing? He really wasn’t in the mood for that crap…

He managed to choke out a confused “Huh?”

“Ice, my dearest, is there any in your fridge? We must treat your wounds.”

Soda blinked slowly, waiting for his mind to process what was happening.

His wounds?

Oh.

He must have a blackeye.

“Oh, yeah, I’ll get it.”

When he stood Gundham moved as if to stop him, and he felt anger bubble up in his stomach.

“I said I’ll fucking get it! I’m not that fucking useless!”

He regretted it the second he finished speaking. Gundham’s shocked face hurt him more than anything else that night had.

In his mind his raised voice echoed and distorted until he couldn’t tell it from his father’s.

He was on his knees again, sobbing an apology, as gentle arms slowly wrapped around him and a deep voice offered forgiveness he didn’t deserve.

They must have been close enough to his minifridge for Gundham to reach it, as he suddenly felt something cold being lightly pressed into his hands.

It was an icepack he nearly forgot he owned, Mikan had handed them out to everyone in class on a particularly hot day that summer.

He pressed it to his eye, only then did he notice the dull throbbing pain of it.

He let himself fall forward into Gundham’s chest again.

“‘m sorry.” He mumbled again.

“My beloved consort, I can hardly imagine the pain you are feeling at this moment.” A soft kiss to his forehead. “I will remain by your side as you fight the demons which plague you, however unpleasant they may be.”

The words struck fear in Soda’s heart.

“No.”

“My dear?”

“I don’t want that, Gundham.” He took a shaky breath “I don’t want you to be with me if I’m treating you like shit. I don’t care if I’m hurt or whatever, if I treat you like shit you leave, okay?”

“It’s understandable that-”

“No. Gundham, please, I just-” another shaky breath as he pulled far enough away from Gundham that he could meet his eyes “- I don’t want to end up like him, okay? So you can’t… you can’t just let me get away with this shit. E-even when I’m upset.”

Gundham took a moment to consider his words, looking unconvinced.

“Please Gundham. I couldn’t… I couldn’t take it if I hurt you.”

Gundham stroked his cheek and finally nodded.

“Then I will do my best to keep your behavior in check, and in return I will ask only one thing.”

Soda smiled and cocked his head.

“Yeah?”

“You must be kind to yourself as well, dearest.”

It caught him off-guard.

“You have made a habit of speaking of yourself in a depreciating manner. I will not allow you to speak to me in such a way, and I will not allow you to speak to yourself in such a way either.” Gundham smiled and cupped Soda’s chin. “You are the consort of the great Overlord of Ice, my love, all must treat you with respect.”

Soda couldn’t help but laugh a little. It made his face hurt even worse, but it was worth it.

Gundham pulled him close again and quietly chuckled along with him.

Eventually they stood, and Soda looked around his room until he found a mostly clean face cloth to wrap the icepack in, before pressing it back to his swollen eye.

Gundham simply stood in the middle of the room, seemingly uncharacteristically unsure of himself.

“Um, Gundham? What’s, uh, what’s up?” Gundham looking nervous made Soda feel nervous, it was just too unlike him.

“I am… simply unsure if I should stay.”

“Huh?”

Gundham hadn’t once hesitated to spend the night in Soda’s room since they had returned from their vacation.

“I would be happy to stay with you this night, my dear consort, but…you have gone through so much so quickly, I would understand if you wished to have some time alone, or simply some time away from me, as I am .”

Soda was about to protest, of course he wanted Gundham around right now, having the person you love around in a crisis was like the number one thing you were supposed to want, right?

But the more he thought about it the more he realized Gundham had a point. Maybe he felt calm for the moment, but he was sure he’d have another outburst soon, and as much as he appreciated Gundham’s comfort and reassurance, sometimes a guy really just needs to let himself have a good long ugly cry in private, just to get it all out.

“Actually, yeah… I think, um, I think maybe I’ll sleep alone tonight? If that’s alright?”

“Of course it is alright, dearest.”

Gundham smiled for a second before it faltered.

“But please, do not hesitate to contact me if you need anything, my love. Truly anything, big or small, I will do my best to accommodate you.”

Soda smiled a little but could already feel his emotions welling up again at Gundham’s hesitance.

“I will, Gundham. Or? I won’t I guess? Uh, I mean, I’ll text you if I need anything, okay? Just, uh, try not to worry about me to much for now, alright? I’ll… be okay.”

He’d probably be okay, right?

“Of course, I’ll do my best.” Gundham moved to the door as Soda opened it, turning back as he walked through it. “I love you, my dear Soda.”

Soda felt his throat tightening again.

“L-love you too, Gundham.” Maybe it was a little choked, maybe he closed the door a little too fast, but maybe he just didn’t want Gundham to have to deal with any more of his crying that night.

He waited a moment for Gundham’s shadow to disappear from below the door, before once again sliding to his knees.

He expected to sob, the way he had before, but to his surprise he just breathed out a few more shaky breaths.

Maybe he had had enough of his own crying for one night too.

Maybe he just needed another minute.

He decided he might as well get ready for bed. He looked around his room for some cleanish pajamas and found a shirt Gundham had forgotten at some point. It passed the sniff test, smelling only mildly like BO but mostly like Gundham, so he threw it on along with some loose shorts he was mostly certain he had only slept in a few times that week.

He still didn’t feel like crying.

Soda sat on his bed and pulled out his phone, maybe he should just ask Gundham to come back if he wasn’t going to have another breakdown…

He felt guilty when he saw all the still unread messages from Gundham, but he’d deal with those later. For now, he was more interested in some of the other texts he had.

He had told most his friends that he was planning to come out to his father today, so there were a decent number of texts asking how things went.

As he scrolled through his various messages he began to feel guilty, many of his classmates had not only asked how things went but had followed up a while later with concerned messages. Fuyuhiko had even threatened to send some of “his guys” to Soda’s house - to Soda’s Father’s house -  if he didn’t respond soon.

Luckily it seemed like Gundham had done some damage control while Soda had been out of it, as there were also a few messages saying things like “Gundham says you’re safe, but I’m here to talk if you need it!” and offering various words of support and love.

So, turns out he wasn’t done crying.

What had he done to deserve such good friends? He was just a stupid fuck-up and yet there were so many people ruining their nights by worrying about him. The worst part was he couldn’t even find the energy to respond to them. These people were making the effort to try to reach out to him and he couldn’t even do them the courtesy of responding.

His dad was right, he was useless.

He opened the rest of his messages without reading them, just to clear the notifications, then fell face first onto his pillow and tried not to sob. His throat was starting to feel sore, and all the crying really wasn’t helping.

His phone vibrated and he ignored it.

It vibrated again.

And again.

And again.

He grabbed it to put it on silent, but the most recent message caught his eye.

I swear dude if you don’t respond in the next five minute I’m coming back and kicking your ass.

It was Hajime. He and Nagito had decided to go camping for the weekend, and he had been pretty upset when Soda had told him he was going to talk to his dad while Hajime was out of town. Soda had insisted it would be fine and that Hajime should still go, and Hajime had only agreed on the condition that Soda would keep him updated with how things went.

Something he very much did not do.

He shot off a quick “I’m fine,” and almost immediately after he hit send his phone began ringing.

The bastard had tricked him, he couldn’t say he hadn’t noticed Hajime calling now.

He sighed and answered his phone.

“Yeah?” His voice was kind of scratchy, but he didn’t think he sounded like he was crying at least.

To his surprise, instead of the snarky response he had been expecting, he simply heard a relieved sigh and a slightly distant sounding “He’s okay,” before a louder “You had me really worried man.”

Soda choked back another sob. Hajime sounded so genuinely relieved, he could only imagine how worried he must have been.

And he had been planning on just letting him worry…

God he was an asshole.

“I…” Soda really didn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay, I heard from Gundham so I know I should have just dropped it but… I dunno, man, I just really needed to hear your voice I guess? Like to be sure you’re alive?”

Soda let out a deep, shaky breath. He knew Hajime would be able to hear it over the phone, but he needed to calm himself down.

“S-sorry Haj. I shoulda just texted you. It’s my fault for being such a fuck up.”

“Soda, shut the fuck up right now or I actually am going to come back there and kick your ass. You’re not a fuck up, your dad’s a piece of shit, and you 100% are not allowed to feel shitty about not responding to people while you’re in the middle of a fucking crisis, got it?”

Soda froze before laughing at Hajime’s outburst.

“Weren’t you the one g-getting mad at me for not responding, d-dude?” He did his best to keep his voice light, but he couldn’t quite manage it.

“Yeah I know, I shouldn’t have. I probably just made you feel worse, huh?”

Soda paused for a moment.

“Yes and no?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, dude?”

“L-like… yeah seeing your messages and shit made me feel… really shitty, but… now that we’re talking I feel… I dunno, man, just... less shitty?”

There was a quick burst of static that Soda assumed must have been an amused huff from Hajime.

“Soda?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, man, okay? Don’t forget that.”

Tears welled up in his eyes and he had to swallow around a lump in his throat before responding.

“I love you too, Haj…”

There was a brief pause, both of them feeling a little awkward about being so open, but enjoying the feeling none the less, then-

“No homo.”

They said it at the same time.

Soda’s body shook with laughter, he could hear Hajime howling on the other end of the call and could just barely make out Nagito asking what was so funny in the background. His face hurt so bad, but he couldn’t really make himself care just then.

When their laughter died down Soda sighed.

“Thanks for this, Haj. I… I think I really needed to hear some of that shit…”

“Anytime, Soda.”

There was a brief pause and Soda knew Hajime was debating whether he should end the call or not.

He didn’t want to cut into Hajime’s camping date for too long, so he made the choice for him.

“Anyways, I’m feeling pretty tired, so I’m gonna head to bed now.”

“Okay, man, just… call me if you need to talk more, okay?”

“And risk catching you while you’re in the bone zone? No thanks, dude.”

“First off, never call it that again, second, I’m serious, Soda, call me.”

“Yeah, yeah, dude.”

“Soda.”

“I will. I promise! If I need to talk I’ll call you, even if I think you’re probably fucking, okay? Happy?”

“Yes. Now get some sleep.”

“Okay, mom. Good night.”

Soda heard Hajime’s faint chuckle as he hung-up, and found himself genuinely smiling for what felt like the first time that night.

Sure, maybe him and Hajime weren’t great at actually talking about heavy shit with each other without making it all into some kind of joke, but maybe jokes were the exact kind of thing he needed right then.

Jokes and something to fucking drink.

All the crying he had done that night had really killed his throat, and while the laughing had felt better, it had still just made him that much more aware of how dry his mouth was.

His phone buzzed as he stood to look for a drink. He picked it up expecting to find some snarky message from Hajime, only to see Sonia’s name on his screen instead.

Hello Soda, I do not mean to bother you, but I have made too much tea, and was wondering if you would like some.

Soda smiled at the message. ‘Made too much tea,’ as if Sonia wasn’t a master when it came to all things tea related.

I can leave some at your door if you are not in the mood to chat! I don’t mind!

Was he in the mood to chat? Talking with Hajime had been great, exactly what he needed probably, but would talking with Sonia be the same?

Their relationship had significantly improved over the past few months, the two of them would even sometimes hangout without Gundham around now, but they had never really talked about serious stuff before, they always just kept things light.

But he could really go for some tea, and maybe letting someone other than Gundham see that he was alive and in one piece would help him stop feeling so guilty about ignoring his friends.

Tea sounds good, thanks. I wouldn’t mind a quick chat either.

Great! I’ll be right over! ヾ(^▽^*)

Less than a minute passed before Soda heard light footsteps coming down the hall. He did his best to throw most of the dirty clothes scattered around into the laundry basket and hide some of the clutter before Sonia made it to his door.

“Soda? It’s me, I’d knock but my hands are full.”

“Be right there.” He lanced around his room and deemed it acceptable before pressing his icepack back against his eye and opening the door.

Sonia smiled brightly at him, and he pretended not to notice the way her smile faltered when she first registered the icepack as he invited her in.

There was a small, low table in the middle of the room and Soda gestured for Sonia to set the tea down there. They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a moment, maybe this had been a bad idea after all, Soda wasn’t really in the mood to stumble through an awkward conversation right now.

Sonia reached for a cup at the same moment Soda did, and the strange mirrored movement caused them both to giggle a little, breaking some of the tension.

“I am sorry for coming over like this, I admit I simply wanted to check that you were okay and didn’t prepare a topic for conversations.”

“It’s alright, Sonia. I mean, I kind of knew, you never mess up tea.” Soda smiled at her as best he could while holding the icepack to his eye.

“I apologize for being deceitful.” She smiled back. “I simply couldn’t think of-”

Soda shifted the icepack in his hand, pulling it back from his face to readjust the cloth wrapped around it, only for Sonia to abruptly stop talking and cover her mouth.

Oh right, his eye probably looked pretty messed up right now.

He covered it back up quickly.

“Sorry Sonia, it’s-”

Sonia stood, and Soda assumed she was about to excuse herself, but instead she stepped around the table, knelt beside him, and pulled him into one of the tightest hugs he had ever experienced.

“I’m so sorry Soda. You d-don’t deserve any of this.” Was she… crying? “Your… the man who did this doesn’t deserve you as a son.” He could hear it for sure now, she was definitely crying. The lump in his throat came back in full force, and he had to fight not to sob along with her.

“S-Sonia, it’s alright, d-don’t cry…” God now he was crying.

“It’s not alright!” She yelled and pulled him further against her. Soda hid his face against her shoulder. “It’s really not alright, Soda…”

Sonia rubbed Soda’s back gently with one hand, while stroking his hair and keeping him close with the other, while he sobbed against her and did his best not to get any snot on her clothes.

She was soft and warm and comforting, and he couldn’t help but remember being held in much the same way by his mother, years ago before she had passed.

It made him sob harder, but Sonia just kept holding him.

They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other and crying together while their tea got cold.

Eventually, after they had both calmed down a little, Sonia released him, shifting her hand from Soda’s head and back to hold his free hand instead.

“Soda, I…” she looked up, into his good eye, “I think you’re very brave.”

He couldn’t help but blush.

“N-not really, I mean I was pretty scared…”

“But you are!” Sonia lifted his hand and clasped it between her own, holding it between her chest and his. “I don’t believe I would ever have been able to speak to my parents of my preferences had I not know before hand that they would be supportive! But you did! I think that makes you extremely brave!”

He didn’t feel brave, but maybe she had a point…

Wait.

“Your preferences?”

Sonia blinked and tilted her head.

“Gundham didn’t tell you?”

“N-no?” Wait, was the girl he had spent so long being creepily obsessed with not even into guys to begin with? “Sonia, are you, uh, not into dudes?”

“Oh, no I am, but I like women as well.” She blushed a little, but smiled. “I believe we are the same in that regard, correct?”

He just nodded.

Damn, first Hajime and now Sonia? He really needed to stop assuming all his friends were straight.

“But, uh, doesn’t that get complicated? Like with you being a princess and all?”

Why the fuck had he said that. That was like the opposite of the right thing to say.

He was definitely 2 for 2 with fucking up when his friends came out to him.

“Oh, a little. I am expected to produce an heir one day, but there are ways to do that even if my partner and I are not able to do so on our own.”

“Ah, right, that makes sense.”

Soda nodded and decided to chug his cold tea to stop himself from saying anything else dumb.

Sonia visibly cringed as he drank but didn’t stop him.

“You know I don’t mind making you some more, Soda.” She spoke as he lowered his now empty cup.

“N-no thanks, it’s good. Even cold it tastes fine.” He did his best to smile convincingly.

Sonia quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, instead smoothing out her skirt and giving her own cold cup of tea a disdainful look.

There was another slightly awkward silence before she stood once more.

“Then I think… If you would not like any more tea, I shall leave and allow you to rest for the night.”

“Ah, yeah. Thank you… for the tea and… thank you.” Soda stood as he spoke, and Sonia reached out to squeeze his hand once more before gathering her things and heading for the door.

“Good night Soda, sleep well!”

“You too, Sonia.”

“Oh, and…” Sonia smiled and paused for a moment, flicking he eyes down to Soda’s chest. “You look very good in that shirt. It’s cute on you.”

With that she left, letting Soda close the door behind her.

His shirt is cute? What shirt was he even wearing?

He looked down.

He felt his whole face heat with embarrassment as he remembered he had thrown on one of Gundham’s shirts earlier.

Oh.

“It looks cute on you.”

So Sonia had definitely recognized it.

He covered his face with both hands and laughed at himself. Why was he even this embarrassed? Sonia had been one of the first people to know him and Gundham were dating. He was just being dumb.

He pulled the shirt up to his nose and inhaled, smiling.

He was pretty sure he knew the exact night the shirt had ended up in his room. They had both been a little drunk and giggly, happy in each other’s arms as they had collapsed onto Soda’s bed.

Soda’s heart throbbed at the memory.

He wanted to see Gundham.

It had gotten pretty late though, maybe sending a text first would be a good idea.

Soda picked up his phone and clicked on Gundham’s name to open the messaging tab, pausing once he did.

Three little dots appeared at the bottom of the conversation, then disappeared, then appeared again.

Soda waited, but a message never came through.

Was Gundham… unsure? Soda watched the dots and imagined his boyfriend typing and erasing messages, unsure what to say or even if he should say anything, and the thought made him smile.

He decided to put Gundham out of his misery.

I’m coming over. Let’s watch a movie

He grabbed a random movie off his shelf, he didn’t really care what they watched. His phone buzzed, then buzzed again.

Dearest, I know you need space right now, but I just wanted to remind you that I love you and that you may call on me for anyt

Ignore that! I did not mean to send it!

I am happy to hear you are coming to my abode, my consort, I will ensure it is ready for you.

So he really had been sitting there trying to come up with the perfect message to send Soda, huh?

God, Gundham was such a dork.

Soda loved him for it.

–

He wasn’t really sure what time it was. Movie credits were scrolling across the little TV screen on the other side of the room, playing gentle music over Gundham’s quiet snores.

Soda rolled himself over, leaving his head on Gundham’s chest but shifting from his side to his back, and stared at the ceiling.

He had spent a good many nights in this room over the past few months, but the ceiling wasn’t familiar the way the one back in his father’s house had been. He didn’t think he’d cry if he never saw this one again.

Gundham grunted in his sleep and wrapped an arm around Soda’s back.

But he’d cry if he never got to see Gundham again. Or Sonia, or Hajime, or any of his friends. Even Nagito.

He’d cry if he lost them, he’d cry if they got hurt, and he’d cry if they cried.

Because he loved them.

Because they loved him.

Because even if he had lost the home he had known all his life, many of his own possessions, and even the man he had called father, he realized he hadn’t lost everything.

His home was with Hajime, while they laughed and made jokes at each other’s expense.

His home was with Sonia, making polite conversation and sipping tea so good he could hardly believe it was store bought.

His home was here, in Gundham’s arms late at night, feeling safe and secure even as his whole world was being turned on its head.

His home was with the people he loved.

All he had lost that night was a house.

[angelsndragons]

Well, I don't know about you but I have watched Caduceus' conversations with Beau and Lucien about a dozen times each so let's compare and contrast.

So, the conversation with Beau highlights how far both of them have come since Caduceus joined the party. Beau is, dare I say it, downright gentle in her poking and prodding Caduceus' reactions. She's approaching Caduceus both from a place of concern and a place of equality; she doesn't feel the need to try to control the conversation or to find some angle to work. She pulls straight from Yasha's playbook back in the dance hall, making me wonder just how much of Caduceus and Yasha's conversation she actually got (that Observant feat is no joke, y'all). Beau approaches with a thank you for the healing, which by itself shows her growth, she acknowledges that she needed the help and is openly appreciative of it, then asks how Caduceus is doing. She gives him time and space to answer rather than impatiently jumping the gun, acknowledges his feelings, lightly prods his previous trauma, then finds a plan that everyone can presumably live with. She tries to speak Caduceus' language of fate, myth, and religion by harkening back to the Kiln and she lets him go when he’s obviously done. All in all, it is an amazing display of just how far asshole rebel without a cause, abrasive as fuck Beauregard Lionett has come. Props to her and Marisha.

But this meta is about Caduceus so let's talk about his growth. Because guys. Guys. If you need evidence that Caduceus has grown and let some of his walls down, this is it. He tells Beau he “doesn't like this” and goes as far as he can to explain what specifically is messing with him. Not only is this thing unnatural, it is a mockery of life. They are not alive, not truly, they go against everything he stands for. He expresses his desires clearly and plainly, “I want to burn it on the way out.” He acknowledges the rifts between himself and the others, then explains his thought process clearly and completely: that they are low on resources, that they might have to fight their way out anyway and the sooner they leave the better, and that he doesn't think the crest will just break. Anyone want to take a gander at the last time Caduceus laid out his deal like this? Trick question, he really hasn't. He has had a couple of moments where he talks out an idea but he rarely goes this in depth. Speaking this directly and specifically on his feelings and opinions just doesn't happen very often. For all that Caduceus believes other people need to talk about their feelings, he is very much a doer, not a talker, he doesn’t process that way. Caduceus doesn’t explain himself as a rule yet here he is, trying as hard as he can to make Beau understand. 

Contrast that conversation with his talk with Lucien. So, first of all, we know that Caduceus loathes what Lucien is trying to accomplish and has nothing but contempt towards the city and efforts to bring it back to the Material Plane. At best, Caduceus pities Lucien; he’s willing to believe that Lucien Knows Not What He Does and is being manipulated by the city. At worst, well, there’s always a plant that needs compost and Caduceus is more than happy to make some. He tells Beau this episode that “there’s something very wrong with your friend.” Yet Caduceus does what he always does when faced with an unknown, currently non-hostile threat- he starts with polite small talk. From the Gentleman to Avantika, from Ludinus to Essek, from pirates to stone giants to yetis, Caduceus’ default mode for dealing with threats is to play nice and polite and to figure out what information he can glean to use against them. People underestimate Caduceus right up until he reads them for filth and he totally pushes that polite, harmless image.

Now, I need some nervous nellies to pause and ask themselves why in the world Caduceus would “open up” to Lucien mere seconds after threatening the man. Because that is what his comment “I’ve never met anybody who looks like you before. For the record,” is. It is as close to a threat as Caduceus will ever utter. And if you don’t believe me, please rewatch the Roasting of Trent Ickithon and then watch this conversation again; Caduceus has the exact same polite bitch face energy there that he does here. Well, there, he was scolding Ickithon, here he is straight up warning Lucien. I also need you all to remember that conversation he just had with Beau, the one where he delves into specifics and keeps pushing himself until Beau understands where he’s coming from. This conversation is not that. Caduceus spends this entire conversation playing into Lucien’s expectations and dodging around his real intent up here. 

Actually, let’s talk about his ‘I’m confused’ bit here. He’s not confused about his ultimate goal. Caduceus has been driving the ‘we have to stop the Astral Sea City’ train from the literal moment it showed up. He’s the one who saw the Abyss stare back at them, he’s the one who insisted they ask Yussa, who asked Beau push her Cobalt Soul resources, who asked the literal Mother of All Nature for answers, who’s pushing for Essek’s help. Him, not the others. Hell, boy was asking Jester to ask the Traveler what the hell is going on, that is how anti-city he’s been this entire time. He knows what needs to be done, the question in the air is how. This changed because the Nein’s circumstances changed; they now have a crest and Lucien caught up to them much faster than they anticipated. Are they supposed to let Lucien summon the thing and take it out? Or is it better to wait for him to gather all the items and destroy them so they can never be used? What’s stopping the next guy from coming up here and doing the ritual themself? And what precisely is he supposed to do about Lucien and Molly? It speaks highly of Taliesin’s roleplay skills and the consistency with which he’s played Caduceus that Matt never once called for a deception check, despite the fact that Matt knows that Caduceus is directly opposed to Lucien and his goals AND is hiding that information. Taliesin and Caduceus danced so skillfully around that fact, it was a delight to watch.

Bottom line, Caduceus is very good at feigning vulnerability to get what he wants or to come off as a lesser threat. He told the Gentleman a bit about his worry for his family to induce the man to reconcile with Jester. He expressed his confusion and worry to the Nein and Essek at that dinner. Seriously, go watch those conversations and then go back to the Lucien conversation, it’s kind of eerie how well that playbook works. That pseudo-vulnerability was in direct service in getting the other person to do what Caduceus wanted them to do, it was not shared just because or in any real meaningful fashion. Both of those instances were direct manipulation tactics he learned at the Grove, comforting the bereaved. People are more comfortable sharing their issues and worries, after all, when you give them a little morsel of your own. People build a rapport around perceived sharing of vulnerabilities. People are more likely to do what you want when you have such a rapport. And that’s precisely what Caduceus did here; he didn’t tell Lucien anything Lucien didn’t know or couldn’t guess himself, he traded a small nugget about his own confusion for Lucien’s curiosity and it worked. The Tomb Takers and the Mighty Nein are stuck together for the foreseeable future and I for one can’t wait to see what growth awaits Caduceus next.

TL;DR: Caduceus has only ever been really openly vulnerable with the Nein, the rest is playing possum. Please don’t fall for it or worry that he’s actually unloading onto strangers when he’s actually unloaded quite a lot, for him at least, on his friends and loved ones. His growth is undeniable.

[mxgilray]

I... have some thoughts on the Loki finale. It was not what I was expecting, but I'm still hopeful for season 2.

This felt like a meh finale, like how a lot of season finales felt in Spring 2020 when they unexpectedly quit filming and had to cut things short by a couple episodes thanks to the pandemic. Only this was the planned out finale, they should've given a bit more oomph. I'm quite a fan of exposition and character development usually, but all the dialog was centered on He Who Remains, so it felt like our main characters were just side pieces.

Plus, the final "cliffhanger" of Mobius not knowing Loki and the statue of HWR replacing the Time Keeper statues felt quite lackluster. Not sure how they could've made it hit harder, but it didn't deliver the "oh shit" vibes they intended, but maybe that's cuz Mobius not remembering Loki has been an expected plot line on tumblr for half the season so it wasn't a blindside.

I get the point of the Sylki kiss. From what I've seen on tumblr so far I feel like the nuance of Sylvies actions was lost to most people (both Sylki fans and antis just Didn't Get It). It wasn't a big declaration of love like the fans are grasping onto it as, and it wasn't shoving selfcest into the canon to keep the heternormativity like antis are accusing it of being; it was Sylvie using Loki's attachment to her to trick him. She needed Loki out of her way, and she knew the only way to get past him and get He Who Remains' tempad was through emotional distraction. She used his love against him and betrayed him, a kiss was simply the most efficient way to do it. I did a whole post last week about Sylvie's feelings towards Loki, but to sum up I firmly believe that while Loki harbors some romantic feelings for Sylvie, she feels strictly platonic towards him, but is very aware of his attraction. She took advantage of his care for her to get the upper hand during their fight. Heck she even foreshadowed it herself in ep 5. "There are more important things than friends" "like taking down the TVA" she told Loki that taking down whoever is behind the TVA comes before everything; it's priority #1 in her book, above friendship or love or trust. Loki proved that his priority now is the greater good of the universe not her revenge, so Sylvie has no use for him anymore (partners only when it's convenient, because she is a Loki and that's how emotionally stunted Lokis behave).

I would like to point out the irony of her being worried about Loki betraying her, only to turn around and betray him. It's in the realm of "people who cheat assuming their partner is cheating" / "not using a turn signal when changing planes to avoid being cut off because when you see someone else use their signal you tend to cut them off", it's assuming other people will behave like you do. Sylvie feared in ep 5 that Loki would betray her in the end because she knew if it came down to it she'd betray him. But the thing is, he's actually grown past that. Loki is finally thinking about how his actions can damage others, not just his own wants and needs. Sylvie saw this moral change in Loki, realized there was no chance of getting him back on the blind revenge boat, and decided to exploit his newfound selflessness and emotional attachment to get him out of her path.

This whole season Loki has been maturing emotionally and growing into the best, most heroic version of himself. Sylvie, on the other hand, still has that deceptive, selfish, can't trust anyone persona that every Loki develops to combat insecurity. She hasn't had the emotional growth needed to see the bigger picture, she's still trapped in her own self centered mindset. As such, she disregards the impact her betrayal will have on Loki, the impact killing HWR will have on the universe. She doesn't even take a beat to consider whether revenge is still the right path cuz she doesn't practice self reflection yet; revenge has always been the goal and she refuses to give herself a chance of changing her mind. I hope in season 2 she'll get some character growth, now that her 1 goal has been accomplished.

Now on to Mobius. I enjoyed his scenes, I wish we'd been shown more of what he did to reveal the truth to the rest of the TVA. Again, I feel like too much time was given to HWR's monologing and not enough was spent on the other characters so Mobius and B-15 got very little screen time to display their plan. I am happy Mobius got the opportunity to throw Ranslayers betrayal back in her face, and his attemp at attacking her...my boy you work a desk job you ain't no fighter, she used to work in the field collecting variants, you had no chance. Also, where the F did she go??? I kept expecting her to show up at the end of time but she didn't. Where did Miss Minutes send her??

I'm sad Mobius doesn't know Loki anymore, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've got a few different thoughts on what the heck is going on with him and the TVA:

Sylvie accidentally sent Loki way back to a time early on in the TVA before HWR created the Time Keepers for anonymity. As such, this is a past Mobius who has yet to meet Loki or even learn of Loki's existence. If this is the case, then I think Loki and Past!Mobius's interaction at the end of ep 6 will be the catalyst for him becoming a Loki expert. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing before Loki interrupts are from some currently unknown disaster that'll be a plot line in s2. (This is my least favorite theory, but nevertheless a possibility)

HWR was correct when he said that if Sylvie kills him and destroys the TVA then another variant of him will just start it all up again. This variant didn't care to remain anonymous, hence the big statue of him, but kept all the memory wiped variants working there. Because time is a chaotic bitch, the changeover from one HWR variant to another may have been near seamless at the TVA and just involved a quick memory wipe of anything relating to the Time Keepers, Loki and Sylvie, or knowledge that the TVA are all variants. The 63 branches may be thanks to something Renslayer is doing like killing all the HWR variants in existence in order to negate the need for the TVA. The branching could also be from Sylvie's revenge still, we have no idea how much time has passed between her killing HWR and a new HWR taking over so the branching she caused could still be an issue.

There have actually been multiple TVAs running simultaneously, each in their own multiverse. Each one employs memory wiped variants, each one is in charge of a certain subset of timelines, and all work under the one HWR. Sylvie used HWR's tempad to eject Loki back to the TVA, but she accidentally sent him to the TVA of a different multiverse not realizing that's a Thing. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing are indeed from Sylvie killing HWR, but there's only 63 as opposed to the countless we saw diverging from Sylvie's perspective because this TVA only sees branches on timelines within their own multiverse. Mobius doesn't know Loki because he isn't our Mobius and in the multiverse he works in maybe Loki's aren't as much of an issue because none of them ever escaped the TVA like Sylvie did (or none of them have Tom's face so he doesn't recognize him as a Loki). If this is the case, then Loki is gonna have to find his way back to his own multiverse in order to be reunited with his Mobius, and that could end up happening thanks to Renslayer. Miss Minutes gave her a file that I suspect only HWR should have access to. Maybe it was tempad coordinates for other multiverses? It took til the 31st century for the multiverses to be connected despite Tony figuring out time travel in the 21st century because travel between universes is much harder, maybe HWR is still the only one who knows how to do that. (If this theory is correct then all the time travel done during Endgame was through timelines within one multiverse) Also just thought of this but what if the reason there are so many extreme variations of loki that grew to adulthood is because the criteria of "sacred timeline" is different in each multiverse. Classic Loki and maybe President Loki and Kid Loki are from the same universe as MCU Loki, but red haired Loki, Croki, Boastful Loki, etc are all from other universes. Think about it, Classic Loki, 2012 Loki, and MCU Loki all have an exact identical path up until their nexus event (or death in MCU Loki's case). I think other than identifying as female, Sylvie's childhood was identical as well and that her nexus event was coming to terms with her adoption as a child, which erased the catalyst of 2011 Thor's plot and would've changed everything for her future path. Had her adoption remained a secret and she grew up on asgard, I believe her story would mirror MCU Loki's. It mildly hit me weird that there would be such wild variation amongst Lokis, even with him being a shapeshifter, because there's a rigid sacred timeline (that supposedly the MCU movies have all adhered to) and they all felt like too big of a divergence to have been left unchecked so long. If boastful Loki was telling the truth about getting all 6 infinity stones then he should've triggered a nexus event as soon as he got more than the 3 he is "supposed to" interact with, unless in his multiverse the sacred timeline criteria is different. Another theory: the agents employed in each TVA are from multiverses other than the one they're working in. It would make sense, keep them from running into their own past by fully detaching each agent from their home timeline/universe. So the Principal!Renslayer that B-15 found will never in any future become the TVA judge we know. The one we know maybe came from the universe Loki got sent to, and that's how the two of them will end up crossing paths again.

[riseofthecommonwoodpile]

I’m listening to the first episode of Maintenance Phase (which is a great podcast btw, I listened to like every other ep first lol) and it’s just making me think about my experience with the first doctor i ever had who didn’t make me feel awful for being fat, so i’m going to vomit that out here to help any skinny people know a little of what it’s like to be fat in the healthcare system. Indulgent personal shit follows:

Every single doctor I’d had as an adult, every single one, would ask what I was doing to lose weight, would point to BMI and obesity charts telling me I was a.) fat and b.) going to die soon because I was so fat. It was something I just had to let happen to get healthcare, and the most frustrating part was that I fucking knew I was fat already. OBVIOUSLY I did. Every person I went on a date with, every coworker who side-eyed my lunch, even people at the supermarket looking like they were about to laugh when I grabbed carrots or broccoli to make myself. Knowing didn’t help. I’d tried constantly for over a decade, and nothing had changed my weight in the way they wanted it to.

So, when I went to find a primary care doc when I moved to Washington, I really assumed the same thing was going to happen. I specifically wore my “lightest” clothing and shoes so they wouldn’t impact my weight too badly, and getting on the scale was legit terrifying, because I didn’t own a scale for the specific reason it felt so bad to see the number come up, and the number ended up being 284, and I almost cried, and I just knew I was about to get yelled at. I’m tense the entire appointment (and my blood pressure reads worryingly high), but she doesn’t say anything about it. We just have a normal first appointment. She says she’s gonna have me get an at-home blood pressure cuff to see if maybe it’s just the office that made me nervous. 

And at the end she asked if I have any questions, and I pretty timidly ask if I should be worried about my weight, if I should be losing weight, and she just said “Nope, all your other vitals are good, we’re gonna get bloodwork done today anyways so we’ll see if there’s any issues there, but everything else looks fine to me.” and i legit started crying, and I told her how I was expecting her to tell me I need to lose 20, 50, 100 pounds, because that’s what other doctors told me, and she just listened and asked me when I was done talking if losing weight was something I wanted to do. I told her yes, and then she asked me a question I hadn’t ever been asked before by a doctor: If we ignore you not being happy with how you look at your weight, and people being rude and shitty to you, is being fat causing you any physical problems?

What a wild question to hear as a fat person! I’d literally never been asked that before. It was just *assumed* it was giving me health problems, and I just assumed that was correct, even though as a 28 year old plenty of patient people had already told me those things aren’t related that directly and concretely, that plenty of fat people are perfectly healthy, and plenty of skinny people are unhealthy. And I took a few seconds to think about it, because I never had before, and I said that my knees hurt sometimes when I bend down, and that I get winded easily. And I said that I know exercise would help those things, but I can’t exercise around other people, I feel too embarrassed, and I’ve never found any at-home stuff that I could keep up with or didn’t make me miserable. 

And she asked what kind of physical stuff I liked as a kid, and I mentioned gymnastics, and she asked if I’d tried yoga, since it has lots of similar stretching, focus on form, things like that, and it would likely help my knees if I started slow at first and worked my way up. and I hadn’t ever tried it, so we decided, together, for me to give it a shot before our follow up appointment to look at my bloodwork. and she emphasized that if I wanted to make it a habit, the most important thing was just to do a little bit each day, even if it’s just 5 minutes. If 30 minutes was too daunting (and let’s be honest, 30 minutes of exercise is daunting even on my days off, let alone after a 9 hour shift on my feet), just do a couple stretches, so that way your body gets used to the idea of doing it. trying to do 30 minutes 5 days a week would just mean i never did it at all.

And after we ended the appointment, suddenly I wasn’t afraid to go to the doctor anymore, imagine that! The next time I went, my blood pressure was perfect because I knew I wasn’t going to be insulted and made to feel awful, I wasn’t waiting to be told the thing I’d been told for years and tried to change, but just kept getting worse at. And, incidentally, I did end up losing weight- I’m at 225ish right now, in just like two years, which I don’t say as a “go me”, because it doesn’t matter, and for plenty of people, lifestyle changes wouldn’t have done that anyways, and there’s fucking nothing wrong with being 284 pounds, but just to point out that the only thing that actually *worked* to accomplish the goal of all the doctors I had before was not caring about that goal. None of their hectoring and shaming did the thing they wanted, and the thing so many people cautioned against- “glorifying obesity”, aka just not making fat people feel like dogshit all the time- was what gave me the mental energy to exercise regularly, to eat better. 

because I wasn’t weighing myself, and I knew at the doctor, no matter what the number was, it would be ok, I felt ok asking questions, bringing up problems I had getting cooking into my schedule, asking for help on health-related things instead of just a number over and over and over again. I was less stressed, I felt better about myself and my body, which also gave me more mental energy to do the things I wanted to be healthier. not skinnier, healthier. It’s almost like...when doctors care more about their patients’ health than their weight, when they don’t make them feel ashamed and awful, the patient will actually go to the fucking doctor. The patient will listen and care more, will ask questions, will bring up when they’re having problems or something seems off with their body. when i moved to Colorado and had my last appointment with that doctor, I cried and told her she was the best doctor I ever had, and I still tear up thinking of how much she changed and improved my life by just being a good fucking doctor who cared about my health.

also usually i read over my longer posts before i post them to make sure grammar and spelling are ok, but this is long so i didn’t do that, so it’s probably fucked. oh well.