#i’ve always wanted to get to the end where u get the choice to fight ortega n low-key defeat her but i’ve never had the right stats for it i

[latinokaeya-moving]

just remembered choice of games exist so i’m gonna go back to replay one of the Many ones i have saved on my phone hehe :3

[itslottiehere]

you’re no good alone (h.s) - part one

hello beautiful people 🤍 i can’t believe this is happening lmao i’m so scared. here it is: my first writing. i’ve been writing for as long as i can remember, not necessarily fiction, but even random thoughts, journal entries, everything. i’ve always loved it, and always thought about sharing it with others, but never found the courage to do so. but the other night, i had an idea for a one shot and thought it was pretty nice, so i told myself to get over my insecurities and just go with it. what’s the worst that can happen, after all? so here you go, a little piece of me for all of you who want to take it <3

please do let me know what you think! my asks are open and you can send them anonymously as well, if you feel more comfortable. so, without further ado, happy reading!

tw: angst, prescription drugs and alcohol, swearing

word count: 2.6k

part 2 | part 3 | masterlist | let me know what u think here

—

this sucked.

they both knew this was inevitable, but it still sucked.

being apart sucked.

being broken up sucked.

it was a mutual choice: he was always away, she had to graduate college. he had meetings and tour dates and movie premieres to attend; she wasn’t going to throw away all her hard work, those brutal years of studying and exams to follow him. she wasn’t going to let her own life disappear into his.

they loved each other, but love wasn’t enough sometimes.

the fights seemed never ending. they would end up saying the same things over and over again, going in circles.

“I’m just asking you to think about it.”

“you’re asking me to disappear in your own life, and you know i won’t do that.”

“so what do you want to do, huh? what am I supposed to do when you don’t want to be with me?”

“i’ve never said that. i’ve just said that i’m not going to throw away everything i’ve worked for to follow you like a puppy while you succeed in your career, and i have to forget about mine. that does not sound like something so crazy to me.”

“so what? do I have to throw away everything i’ve worked for? is that it?”

“this is where we’re different, harry: i would’ve never asked you to do that.”

harry. she only called him harry when she was mad. she started calling him pet names almost ever since they met, once they became closer.

now they were as close as strangers.

the night they broke up the fight was along the same lines, but it ended up with her packing her bags and telling him she was really done this time, and that that was it for them. she couldn’t do it anymore, neither of them could. she looked at him, told him her last goodbye, and closed the door behind her, never to be seen again.

he didn’t even try to follow her. he knew that breaking up was the right choice. they were miserable when they were apart, miserable when they were together because there was always something to do. they just didn’t work anymore.

so here he was, sitting on his living room floor, two months after that night.

it was around 2am, bottle of scotch in his hand, some pills in the other. he popped a couple of them in his mouth, and took a long swing from the bottle.

he knew it wasn’t a smart idea, mixing alcohol and prescription drugs, but nothing else seemed to make his brain shut up, make his memories about her stop replaying in his mind for even a second.

he was tired.

memories of them haunted his dreams every night, making him wake up with cheeks sticky from the tears he didn’t even know he was shedding. he couldn’t remember a night when she wasn’t in his head.

god, he doesn’t even know if he lived a second in those two months without her on his mind.

his head started to feel lighter. good, fucking finally, he thought. but then he felt like an itch to his fingertips, and before he knew he had his phone in his hand, starting a call.

maybe she would answer?

the phone rings for a while. it was 2am, she probably wasn’t going to expect a call at this hour. was she going to hear the ringtone? he knew her phone was always on silent. maybe not this time. was she going to feel happy he called? or worried because of how late it was? or maybe annoyed because she was asleep and knew this was a late night drunk call?

fuck, if this is how loud his drunken mind was, you can imagine how it is when he’s sober.

his rambling thoughts are cut short by a voice answering: “hello?”

it was a male voice. he felt his heart dropping to his stomach. who was he? what was he doing with her phone? why was he answering? did she already move on? was he the only one who was still hang up on the way they were? was she happier now?

“harry? you there? why are you calling me at this hour, it’s 2 in the morning for pete’s sake”.

what? did the person on the other side of the phone know him? who was he?

he took away his phone from his ear, and glanced at the screen through blurry eyes that signalled that he was intoxicated.

he manages to understand the name of the contact he actually called, and croaked into the speaker: “mitch?”

“yeah dude it’s mitch, why do you sound surprised?”

“fuck. i-i didn’t mean to call you.” he slurred.

“harry, what’s going on? have you been drinking?”

“yup. and something else too.”

“did you take any pills? what kind?”

“just some stuff i found in the bathroom. they are working though, feel lighter already.”

“yeah i can hear that. but you still didn’t tell me who you wanted to call instead of me.”

he stays quiet. even speaking her name out loud hurt him. he couldn’t even bear to do that.

but mitch managed to put two and two together, and the answer was obvious.

“oh no harry. dude, you can’t do that to her. it’s been two months, she’s still grieving your relationship, what would she think if she picked up your call at 2 in the morning just to hear you drunk and high off your ass? you can’t do that to her, and you can’t do this to yourself as well. you can’t keep going like this.”

“don’t you think i know this, mitch? don’t you think i’m tired of feeling like this every single second?” he sighed.

his friend didn’t know what to do. he was at a loss of words, so they stayed silent for a while, when harry broke the silence.

“her last exam was on wednesday.”

“what?”

“her last exam, she took it on wednesday. she was already studying for it months ago, wanting to ace it. it’s her last one before her dissertation. i wanted to tell her good luck, couldn’t bring myself to do that. chickened out like the coward i am.”

“you’re not a coward, har-“

“i didn’t even bother to run after her, you know that? she walked out of my hotel room, bags in hand, looked at me for the last time and all i was able to do was to stand there, in the middle of the fucking room, while she walked out of my life. i couldn’t even bother to run after her, even for one last touch, one last goodbye, one last kiss. i was a coward then, and i’m a coward now.”

mitch thought about how long harry had to have been holding onto those thoughts. it’s been two months since he saw her as well, he caught a glimpse of her walking out the hotel lobby, shoulder shaking and sobs ripping from her throat. he couldn’t even reach her and ask her what was going on before she got it in the first taxi she saw and drove away from them, from harry.

he went into the hotel thinking that she and harry had had yet another fight, which has been happening a lot lately. he heard it — hell, all of them kept hearing them fighting, even though they pretended they didn’t.

so he walked through the lobby, got into an elevator and pressed the button to his floor. he thought about checking in on harry, just to make sure he was alright. what mitch wasn’t expecting was seeing his friend standing like a statue in the middle of the room, looking at the door like he had seen a ghost. he understood that this time the fight was worse than all the times before. he managed to make harry get into the bed, and decided to sleep on the little couch. they both didn’t get much sleep that night, one because of the uncomfortable couch, the other because of her perfume that lingered on the sheets, reminding him of everything he had lost.

“harry, do you want me to come over?”

“no, i’m fine, it’s all good.”

“no harry, it’s not. you’re no good alone now, i’m coming over.”

“no, mitch, seriously. i don’t want you here. if anyone should be here, it’s her. only her. this was her home too. she should be home.”

he asked her to move in with him a couple hundred times, he thinks. this was his home in london, he always though she should’ve lived there with him instead of her flat. it was a little further from her university, but nothing major.

she always told him no, but didn’t explain why. until one night, during one of the many fights, after he accused her of being afraid of making a commitment since she wouldn’t move in with him, she decided to say it.

“you really want to know why i’m not moving in with you?”

“yeah, i fucking do!”

“because i would end up being here by myself most of the time! because you’re never fucking here. how long have you been in america, huh? three, four months? and i should be living in this house, in what you say you want to make into our home, and just imagine the life we should be living while you’re away for months at a time? to mourn a life that we are probably never going to have? do you really despise me that much to wish me this?” she said as loudly as she could, her voice breaking just like her heart.

he hadn’t thought about this. of course, he thought that she would’ve been alone sometimes, but he actually thought that being in their home, she could find comfort.

his heart broke when he heard her insinuate that he despises her. how could he? he loved her, loved her more than life itself. he would never despise her. didn’t she know this?

that night ended up with harry driving her back to her flat, because she couldn’t stay there, claiming she had an early class and her place was closer to uni.

they both knew it was a lie, but neither of them decided to admit that out loud.

they played this game far too many times, and they ended up getting burnt.

“i know harry, i know you want her there. i wish things could be different.”

“yeah. so do i.”

“are you sure you don’t want me to come over? the hotel is about 20 minutes away, i can call an uber and be there in about a half hour, just say the word.”

“no, it’s fine. i need to be alone. guess i have to start learning how to be by myself now, don’t i?”

mitch sighed. he knew he was feeling sorry for himself, and maybe tonight he needed to do just that. and even though it broke him to ask him that, he couldn’t hang up without hearing it from him.

“you’re not going to call her right now, right?”

the line was silent.

“harry? answer me.”

again, silence was all he could hear.

“if you don’t answer me right now, i’m going to come over.”

“why shouldn’t i call her? what’s so wrong with wanting to hear her voice?”

“harry, we’ve just been over this. give me thirty minutes, i’ll be there.”

harry really didn’t want anyone around him right now, anyone that wasn’t her. but he understood that that wasn’t a possibility right now, so he interrupted mitch.

“no, it’s fine. i won’t call her. i promise.”

“harry, please stick to your word. do not call her. not like this. this version of you hasn’t a shot in hell at getting her back. but sober you might. don’t fuck it up.”

he thought about what mitch said, and even if his head was a bit floaty, he knew his friend was right.

“i know, i know, you’re right. i’m sorry i called you and woke you up. goodnight mitch, thank you for being my friend.”

“anytime dude, don’t worry. drink a big glass of water and go to bed now, please, goodnight harry.”

“bye.”

he saw mitch hung up, and his screen went back to show his home screen.

a knife plunged into his heart would’ve hurt less.

it was a picture of her at a carnival. he remembered that day, it was their second date, or perhaps their real first date.

they were actually on their way to a nice restaurant, when she saw the lights from the carnival and her eyes lit up just as bright. so what could harry do if not taking the next exit and take her there?

after about twenty tries at one of those stupid shooting games, both her and harry couldn’t manage to win the stuffie she wanted. so, while she went to look around for something to eat, he begged the vendor to sell him the price his girl so wanted.

his girl, she was his girl since the first moment he saw her.

so when she came back saying that she found a little place that seemed to have a rather large vegetarian menu (she knew he didn’t eat meat and wanted him to eat as well), she couldn’t understand why the hell he was smiling, with that smirk that only meant trouble.

“what’s up?”

“huh?”

“why are you making that face? what did you do? do i have something stuck in my teeth?” she started rambling, like she always did.

“no, no, nothing is in your teeth, i promise.” he smiled at her overthinking mind.

“alright.. so what is it?”

“close your eyes for me.”

“uhm, okay.. if when i open them i see a spider in front of me, just know that i will be walking home and never talk to you again. i’m telling you.”

“alright alright, i promise no spiders.” he cackled.

he put that bulbasaur plushie right in front of her, and told her to open her eyes.

the look she held in them, he couldn’t even describe. the purest look of happiness he has ever seen. then she looked at him and he was hit by the warmth of her gaze. she looked at him like he hang the stars in the sky for her, when all he did was getting her a carnival toy.

“oh my, oh my god, oh my god, how did you - when did- can i hold it please?” she couldn’t even get a complete sentence out, she was so utterly happy she couldn’t even think.

he handed it to her and she hugged it like it was her lifeline. she squinted her eyes closed and the biggest smile spread over her face.

harry had the same smile on his, dimples denting his cheeks. he took out his phone, having to capture this moment so he could look at it forever.

and ever since that night, that has been his lock screen. and he didn’t even think about changing it.

it made him remember that there was a time when all there was between them was so much happiness, so much love, adoration, and joy. and that they did love each other at one time. that he didn’t conjure up those memories, but that they were real, still are and forever will be.

that she really had looked at him with such warmth in her eyes, before she looked at him with nothing but sadness.

that he didn’t dream about her, but she was real and what they had was real.

before he could even process, his phone started ringing again.

but now it wasn’t mitch’s voice that came through the speaker.

“H?”

—

part 2

part 3

[cozysip]

*✶   sabrina carpenter unreleased songs - sentence starters

we both know.

“ you came to tell me it's over, but somehow we ended up in my bed ”

“ we said we can't keep on seeing each other, yet you haven't left ”

“ even though we went our separate ways, every time we run into each other,     there's so much left unsaid ”

“ i can't keep lying, baby  i don't know if i can hide anymore ”

“ we both know where this is going, and i can't pretend we're just friends ”

“ after midnight, i hit you up, knowing you're still awake ”

“ me and my new man got into another fight, and now i'm on my way to you ”

“ say you want me, i know you want me  we both know where this is going ”

“ i can't keep lying, baby  i don't know if i can hide anymore ”

“ we both know where this is going, and it's hard to pretend we're just friends ”

space and dust.

“ is it easier for you to stay inside and avoid getting hurt ? ”

“ is the weather kind of dreary without your girl by your side ? ”

“ always talking to yourself, are you still happy in your solitude ? ”

“ is it like heaven or is it like hell, being in there without me ? ”

“ you may have your space and dust, but deep down, don't you still need love ? ”

“ even if no one's there to hear you scream, remember you can still reach out your hand to me ”

wife.

“ when you pick me up, you'll never want to put me down, and i promise you'll be singing out loud ”

“ happy birthday to you, i'm the prize you can't lose  it's your choice, honey, you choose ”

“ i can put you in your place ”

“ you should thank god for designing me ”

“ i'm your newest, baddest habit ”

“ when i leave, you'll realise, i'm the prize you can't lose ”

“ with a fresh face and a little waist, i can put you in your place  i'm a freak in the sheets, at the movies, and back at your place ”

“ here comes your life, dressed in something nice  oh yeah, it's 'wife ”

i need u.

“ for a moment, i was strong, but you made me weak ”

“ you gave me something when i thought i had everything ”

“ when i'm with you, i find the missing piece that completes me ”

“ i have nothing to hide; i wear this love in my eyes ”

“ i've decided that you're mine, and i think i need you ”

“ life comes at you fast, and with you, i took a leap of faith ”

“ together, we'll never look back; we're moving forward ”

“ with you, i have nothing to hide; my love for you is evident in my eyes ”

“ wherever we're going, i know it's going to be paradise ”

cruise.

“ there's a warmth in your face that feels familiar, and suddenly i find myself spilling my secrets to you ”

“ you're a combination of safety and danger ” 

“ i can't help but feel like i'm falling in love with a stranger ”

“ you were meant for me to find, and it's out of my hands now ”

“ let's create memories in every city, so whenever you visit again, you'll think of me ”

“ i'm moving fast, wanting to hit the gas and never look back are you good with that ? ”

“ in this moment, i don't want it back  promise me you'll always look at me like that ”

“ you were meant for me to find, and wherever i go, i want to go with you ”

[qsmpblog]

ok just writing this here to get it out of my brain and before u say just log off of twitter don’t worry i have and i just want to get my thoughts out because i refuse to engage in discourse on twitter.com i like to just seethe in my mind :)

specifically what’s annoying me so much on twitter that i’ve seen for weeks now is the discourse about what is “good storytelling”.. certain people are talking about storytelling as if it is completely objective and in no way a matter of personal opinion (it is of course 100% personal opinion, that’s why a thousand people can believe a certain movie is amazing and there will always be another thousand saying it’s dogshit. PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT). a lot of the discourse/discussion is specifically regarding the eggs and the choices made by the bts team about their ongoing storyline and involvement in the server. the way quite a few people are talking is as if certain decisions made about the eggs will completely ruin the server/story. which is obviously a wild take. people are really caught up on the fact(?) that the eggs were only supposed to be a short event and that characters such as the code monster trying to kill them, and that the eggs are now only allowed two immortality totems is bad for some reason because it seems as if the admins just want the eggs to die and that they’re dragging it out too long, another criticism being the whole “nightmare/bad dream” thing where they have given lives back to the eggs due to them losing lives to certain glitches/unfair circumstances. meaning that to reconcile this in the storyline the characters will just refer to it as a nightmare that they had. what i think that these people are missing is that the eggs are SUPPOSED to be a challenge and that making them completely invincible would negate that fact. they’re criticizing the fact that the brazilians and french have gotten two new eggs despite the server/admins “wanting to kill them”. if the trend of one new language group per month keeps going, i honestly think the new group will also get their own egg because the eggs are a HUGE part of the lore and i think that the eggs being under attack is being misunderstood by so many people. whenever a new language group has arrived they’ve toned down the mobs so that they have a fighting chance and have a bit of time to get stronger. due to the discovery cellbit made at the end of the qsmp puzzle, it’s been determined that the code entity and the group it’s a part of is completely different/at odds with the federation so the idea that like.. a main goal of the admins is to kill off the eggs is not true. q!quackity wanting to create an economy and a powerful community Along with the federation would only serve to help protect the eggs and it’s clear that he knows much more about the lore that is unknown to us so far regarding his future plans. his economy/organized nation idea is clearly important for the overarching story because he is aware of future events that will take place (which yeah is kind of metagaming but i feel like it doesn’t apply to him because he is the creator and he’s been open abt keeping up with what everyone is doing while he’s offline/reading the wiki, watching their streams etc). he has also stated that what has happened on the server so far is just a FRACTION of what he has planned and that it’s only just started and that he plans to add a lot of other language groups as well as new members from established language groups. the eggs of course have been a huge part of the storyline so far but the idea that decisions regarding them, such as it being a CHALLENGE to keep them alive will make or break the server/storyline is ridiculous. and of course the admins are real people who have made mistakes which is only human, such as the unfair killing of multiple of the eggs that they have pardoned, such as ramón being killed in his house and pomme recently being one-shot killed with a weapon that was way too strong (their lives were of course returned, which proves that heartless/unfair slaughter is not their goal). the eggs also becoming “cracked” i think proves that there is an overarching storyline in mind for the eggs and that they have future lore planned for them if they survive up to a certain point. (regarding the dragon mom, etc).

idk the whole “objectively good/bad storytelling” thing is just laughable because it’s clearly uncomfortable for people to not have things go their way or for there to be uncertainty, angst, and challenge. stories don’t have to be conventional or predictable to be good. things certainly don’t have to be “fair” to be good. i think the belief that the egg “event” has supposedly gotten out of hand and that the admins just want them to die is baseless and shows a misunderstanding of both angst and the concept of challenge.

(((on a re-read i kind of implied above that the federation would help protect the eggs which i do not think is true but they certainly aren’t actively trying to hurt them like the code entity/group is)))

[arlathen]

anyway, like, final thoughts on book 3 . not that i expect that u care and i’m not much of a media critic. this is as much for me to sort out my thoughts as anything else.

i liked it! it’s definitely the weakest of the three books. and felt shorter? was it shorter?? i feel like books 1 and 2 took me FOREVER to play through, whereas i played through both of these like. on my breaks while at work. idk. i didn’t read as closely, granted.

far and away the weakest part was the plot -- or the antagonist, specifically. we got a lot of build-up with sin in the demo and kind of in the way the book was promoted, but he just didn’t feel... dangerous? textbook show dont tell ass stuff. UB tells us he’s dangerous but other than “hes strong and he can fly and UB can’t fight him” -- like, yknow? i think we needed to see him more thoroughly kick UB’s ass. and since all the other scenes with anwir are through sin’s pov, and we don’t see sin call him anwir, it felt like the “real” antagonist, like, wasn’t there.

oh and the hand-wavey “sin is doing this because of, uh, magic” -- but it’s *never* explained? i thought i missed it my first playthrough. i still think i missed it. this is the antagonist, dude! we have to have a coherent motivation for them.

also some... i don’t know whether to call it tonal or pacing problems. we’ve got this kind of urgent plot and it felt like sera kept going “okay, this is getting too plot heavy, let’s send the detective on a date” -- whereas in the other books the time spent with the LI felt more natural.

as of right now i played a nate-focused LT (i.e. i got the nate-date scenes when the choice was presented) and an adam route. i love the LT normally and probably would’ve liked it more if i’d split my time between adam and nate; the “detective goes with nate and adam looks at them sadly” didn’t give me the angst i wanted. 

i’ve seen some people complain about the A route moving too quickly, but. yeah i dunno this is on par with what i expected. we’re almost at the half-way point of the series and sera has been very clear that A’s route isn’t going to end book 7 with them admitting their feelings. we’re going to get substantial time being in a relationship with them. they spent two (and a half, really) books completely in denial. we’ll probably get a full confession and some sort of cautious relationship in book 4, and be in an actual relationship with them for the rest of the series.

sorry. oh my god this is not on topic. and maybe it’s because i read a lot of romance novels and am broadly very familiar with the genre because it’s my collection at work. but i feel like a lot of wayhaven fans have not gotten it into their heads that this is essentially a romance novel. like, it’s full of romance tropes. i’m familiar with the genre so my expectations are pretty much always in line with what ends up happening. but a lot of time i see people complaining about things and im like “thats......part of the genre. you wouldn’t complain about a fantasy book for having magic?”

anyway. i liked a’s route. the kiss scene was a lil melodramatic, but in a delightful way ;^) and picking N as your best friend in a’s route is just Peak. i love it.

oh, the whole chamber thing felt like padding. i wish there had been more to the meeting, or that the meeting had been cut. i hated that the detective didn’t have a lot of options to... like, take it seriously? like they’re portrayed as being super nervous leading up to it and then they fuck around inside the room itself and mouth off to the chamber members. i’m sure it’s meant to.... like, the chamber is going to be much more important later, so sera wanted to introduce them early and have the detective have met them so that it doesn’t seem like she pulled them out of nowhere when they’re important later on. but yeah, super weird bit. these people are flying in from all over the world to have a six minute conversation with you where they introduce themselves and possibly scold you for letting tina/verda find out about the supernatural. Why. this could have been an email.

ummmmmm the dinner date scenes were my favorite part. the house arrest dates were a little weird but enjoyable. i didn’t like that when you fuck up at the auction and have to make the choice between apprehending anwir and saving the captives, sin just captures him for you (or does he only do that if you were nice to him or smth? i haven’t done any code diving or extensive testing). there should’ve been consequences. sera wasn’t afraid to let murphy get away before.

i think that’s it. 6.5/10 stars. will probably play N’s solo route and will definitely play A’s route again. not as good as book 1, but i don’t think any of them will be. <3

[saturn-sends-hugs]

ok

i had to wait ALL DAY TO BE ABLE TO WATCH THE EPISODES, but i FINALLY DID

BAD BATCH EP 7-8 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

starting with episode seven:

First off, RIYO!!! SHE ABSOLUTELY SLAYED, the way she literally went to 79’s (also AAAA 79S!!!) specifically so she could actually talk to the clones is so so important, she is incredible

Slip was so wonderful, the parallels of him at 79s and then running through Coruscant while scared for his life were very painful tho (also his number was ct-0409 and that’s literally irrelevant but like COME ON ITS ONE NUMBER OFF I COULDN’T NOT NOTICE THAT)

Bail Organa!!! He’s here and he’s so so good!!

REXXXXX!!!!!!!!!! Omg when I heard his voice on the comm I FREAKED out and then he had his silly little disguise again and that was so so sweet

The sniper clone that Rampart sent after them was so sad to see, it reminds me of how Cody’s chip clearly wore off, but he still believes he did certain things of his own volition (i.e. “We make our own choices. And we have to live with them too.”). It seems like a lot of clones don’t know what exactly they’re fighting for anymore, and the empire is just not helping at all ofc

Ok and uh… now episode eight… these are just gonna be mostly episode thoughts cause the whole Echo thing,,, that deserves its own post

Starting off, still not over that beginning. Echo IMMEDIATELY getting not just multiple lines, but lines about his TRAUMA, and he’s actually OPENING UP ABOUT IT TO OMEGA???!???!??? “I… don’t enjoy solitude.” LIKE???? OMG??? The pain, the absolute agony, that line has me in a death grip and you bet ur ass that’s ending up in a fic sometime bhskshsjsjksks

His conversation there with Omega makes me think he’d already decided here. When Omega asks if the batch rescuing him is what made him join them, he says, “This is where I fit, where I was needed.” He seems like he already knows that’s changed now

okoKOK, OMEGAS. PONCHO. OMEGAS PONCHO OMGGGSJBSJSBSJSKSLLS SHE WAS SO SO ADORABLE!!! I’ve loved seeing her in situations without the batch, it’s nice to be reminded of how determined she always is even without her brothers right next to her :) (also, really liked how this episode didn’t take her out of the action, but removed her from the fighting so the rest of them could kinda breathe without the story focusing solely on her here)

We had a lot of very long Echo shots + lines during the mission, and that immediately scared me. Rex and his conversation here has me wondering though. Because it seems like either he already talked to Rex about it, since Rex seems to be almost bringing Echo up to speed on what exactly he’s doing, or that Echo is at least really solidifying his decision here, because after Rex’s line of “Help’s hard to come by these days,” Echo looks down and just thinks for a good long time, even after Wrecker calls down to them.

oh my GOD i might make a separate post just about this and other Echo stuff but UM???? When he just took control of the venator, diverted the power, MANNED THE CANONS AND MANAGED TO SHOOT DOWN THE SHIPS HEADED FOR THEM, and then activated the engines to make it harder for the stormtroopers??? Dude???? He can just do all of that?? By himself??? No wonder he wants to fight the Empire, HE COULD LITERALLY BE SO POWERFUL

oh. my. gOD PALPATINE I HATE HIM OH I HATE HIM SO MUCH. THE ABSOLUTE FEAR I FELT WHEN HE SHOWED UP, AND THEN HE JUST SHIFTED THE BLAME ENTIRELY TO GET EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED AND BROUGHT THE CLONES INTO IT AT THE SAME TIME??? i very much so hate him.

And ofc, I felt so bad for Omega afterwards when she said “I don’t understand. We did the right thing.” :((((((

ok.

here we go

tagging @phis-writing since u wanted my thoughts lol

first off, Hunters line here. “Wherever you end up, remember what I said.” …wHAT??? WHAT DID YOU SAY I NEED TO KNOW SIR WHAT

omega slowly realizing omg ow

“Best of luck, Echo” ow ow ow omg ow help this is where i started crying

Echo looks so sad trying to tell Omega why he’s leaving, and I get why he didn’t tell her before no matter how long his mind had been made up for, but omg, that hurt so bad. “I’m going where i’m needed.” yup yup there it is, that parallels his lines from the start ow

and tHEN. she hUGS HIM. i can’t hANDLE THIS OMG that was so important

damn it im watching it again while writing this and the music has me sobbing again i cANT, him watching the marauder fly off and then OMEGA HUGGING LULA i actually can’t

I knew Echo was going to leave. Logically, I knew it was going to happen and that it was his best option, he wants to fight the Empire and save his brothers, and that’s just not something the rest of the batch wants to take the risk for. I knew he was leaving, and even though I definitely tried to see every possible way he wouldn’t, I don’t mind it.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate that it might mean he’s getting way less screen time, and I kinda hate that he’s not gonna be there to spur the batch into action anymore, but for his sake I am so so glad he went with Rex. His entire life he’s grown up surrounded by brothers, and the batch has proven time and time again how differently they feel about that. Now, Echos just been sitting back for way too long, and I honestly love the way they had him leave.

There was no fighting, there was no long argument where he said the batch was wrong for not fighting the Empire. He knew they wanted different things, and everyone fully supported him in his decision to step away. He left because that’s where he was needed, to fight for his other family. (Not to mention he would be an INCREDIBLE benefit to Rex like did u SEE WHAT HE DID ON THAT VENATOR??? HE TOOK THAT THING DOWN SINGLE HANDEDLY)

I think it makes complete sense that his loyalty and his drive would lead him to join the rebellion, and I’m so incredibly hopeful it means we’ll get a Rex and Echo episode, probably with Riyo too, I’m SO excited

I’m also really hoping Omega will keep thinking of him and what she saw in the senate. Right now it seems like she’s getting more and more interested in standing up to the empire, and I’m interested to see if she’ll eventually bring it up with the batch? I’m not sure she’d convince them to join the rebellion, but I really hope her drive for justice/revenge doesn’t stop here, she’s angry and she deserves to fight for whatever she believes. Echo taught her too much for her not to.

The hood thing is, he’s coming back :)

(right filoni right please please omg tell me he’s coming back pLEASE)

[writella]

There is no firm thesis here, I’m just thinking out loud:

I love the scene in episode 8x05, “The Big Scary U,” when Daryl and Rick are arguing about what to do with the guns and explosives they were able to capture from one of the Saviors that escaped the fallen outpost. I feel like it’s a perfect moment that describes the emotions and motives the duo— that we know and love and is for the most part always in sync— to show how their motives differ in season 8 because of what happen to them individually in season 7 despite having the same objective.

Firstly, Rick and Daryl are such incredible characters that we’ve fallen for because of their nuance, duality, how they have overcome pain and loss, and of course, the lengths they would go to fight for their loved ones. I think for the most part, a lot of fans would say they are heroes because of that last part.

We also love them together as a duo because of these similarities, but we also love them because of how much they love each other despite being so different— it’s what makes them brothers. We are inspired by how Rick protects as a leader just as much as how Daryl protects as an individualist. And we typically get to see how they usually are able to take their differences in how they do things and bring it together to reach similar goals.

This is shown in season 2 where Daryl still prefers to be on his own and sleeps outside of the Greene house, making it seem like he isn’t a team player, yet he rose up as the person who searched for Sophia endlessly because he knew that was Carol’s child (and because he related to her as a lost and lonely child, but that’s another topic). I don’t remember who else thought so, but Carol and Rick understood how admirable this was and saw his dedication to the group which is why Rick ask or told Daryl he should stay when Daryl was about to go off with Merle. Nonetheless, he respected Daryl’s decision to leave because it was his choice (and Rick wouldn’t leave his family behind either). Similarly in season 3, we have the “ricktatorship” era starting from that speech he gives at the end of season 2 as I’ve seen some call it, it doesn’t seem like Rick taking on such a ruthless leadership role would be the thing Daryl would get down behind because of his nature, but there is a moment in season 3 where despite Carol questioning Rick morality, Daryl calls him a good man and or acknowledges the work Rick put in to get the group to the prison. These two examples are just some of the moments where Daryl and Rick have respected each others differences which have only increased their trust and care for one another and have only progressed the group further as a unit. I feel like there are better examples, but I’ll digress.

That’s why I think it always hits so hard when they are not on the same page. Something feels off and it makes you sad. Furthermore, as shown in the show, bad things happen when they aren’t on the same page regardless of our feelings as fans which is reason in of itself to know that when things are off between them, things don’t end well.

In that scene during 8x05 that I wanted to describe, both character’s opinions are more than completely valid:

Daryl was taken from his family by Negan right at the start of season 7. He was tortured, beaten, and given dog food as meals. It’s sad to say, but it’s understandable why he forgot to consider the workers inside the Sanctuary before suggesting to blow the place up. Negan and Dwight specifically have caused Daryl so much pain, of course he would want to burn it down like he did that house with Beth in season 4.

On the other hand, we see that Rick is still continually struggling with his inner rage, the ruthless things he can do, and how much he will kill to save his family and the society he is trying to build.

I love the shot of Rick in the episode before this one where he is looking at himself in the mirror after he found out the man that he killed had a baby girl, just like him. An exemplary “who even am I,” moment. Especially since this is in the midst of this war, and his personal plan to kill Negan. It’s as if to say ‘how can a preach about taking down those who threaten our freedom and kill unrighty when maybe I’m like that myself.’

I think that moment along with the feeling of defeat and loss he felt as Negan tore into Alexandria and hurt people he cares about is what causes him to rightly consider if it is just to burn the Sanctuary down. Moreover, Rick thinking tactically as well: he doesn’t want to not kill the workers just because they are civilians, but even worse, if they fail at killing them this would only make the workers more inclined to fight with the Saviors.

As shown, both Daryl and Rick have the same objective, but different perspectives of how to achieve it. With both having such strong opinions along with the traumatic experiences to back it up, they simply can’t reach, or in actuality don’t want to come to a shared conclusion, leading them to fight and in the meantime the weapons they needed and fought to get blow up regardless.

But once again despite their brotherhood showing their stark differences, it also always shows their deep care for one another because the reason they escape from being hurt in the explosion is though of their love for one another. Despite literally being in the middle of choking Rick, Daryl sees the explosion starting to rise and tells Rick to move and they both help each other jump out of the way.

Obviously those weapons were vital. The soldiers of the Kingdom are gone and Jadis’ community won’t help, so loosing guns and explosives that had power like that to take down the Sanctuary was a great loss and, perhaps metaphorically, it happened because Rick and Daryl were on opposite sides about what to do.

In an even more tragic example, this is similar to Daryl and Rick’s attitudes during Jesus’ introduction episode in season 6:

Again, Daryl and Rick have the same objective: catch Jesus, who was then just the guy who stole their supplies. At first, Rick decides to ask Jesus the questions to see if they can take him back to Alexandria, but Daryl objects says he’s not the right pick, and then when they’re distracted Jesus steals their truck leading them to chase him which is what Rick wanted anyway— to find out more about who he is and where he’s from— while Daryl believes it isn’t worth the trouble. With both men being so bent on getting their things back and and Rick’s desire to find out who Jesus was, this is a huge reason, among others, that led to Alexandria’s servitude to Negan and the Saviors— if they never met Jesus and the Hilltop community, maybe they would have never killed all the people at that first outpost.

Then again, the group encountering the Saviors was inevitable. And maybe those small riffs between Rick and Daryl that lead to bad things happening is what leads to necessary change.

Although taking down that outpost is what really riled Negan up to kill Glenn and Abraham in front of everyone, there were other moments that foreshadowed the inevitable servitude Alexandria would be forced to endure. I know there are others, but the first thing that comes up is when Daryl is stuck on the road with Sacha and Abraham and a group of guys on bikes won’t allow them through so Daryl decides to blow them up before they kill them… those were Saviors right? Anyway, and if they hadn’t met Jesus in the first place, they wouldn’t have made bonds with the Hilltop or have ever met the people of the Kingdom. Two groups that were already at the mercy of the Saviors wrath and needed encouragement from Rick and Alexandria to take a stance again their oppressor. There is power in numbers and they wouldn’t have had that if they didn’t meet first or at all.

Anyway I’m not saying that it’s only Rick and Daryl’s actions that caused all of this or cause all bad things to happen, but seeing as they are two or the biggest characters in the show and they have a lot of impact on what happens to those around them, their viewpoints and actions matter immensely to the trajectory of the show.

Then again, I still haven’t finished season 8 so maybe I’m just writing nonsense. I just love Rick and Daryl’s relationship and how their hardships and personalities affect what decisions they make and the kind of people they continue to become.

Any thoughts?

[dmclemblems]

like bruh i been compilin’ some stuff for the miklan lore like screenshots and all?

and i just

im so glad i was right and that all my headcanons were true and ended up happening in this game

and it proves to me that miklan was a product of his surroundings and how terrible his family life was

he got disinherited first, and then his dad and step mom fucking sucked and couldn’t get along and according to sylvain weren’t even good parents and sylvain didn’t just say to miklan, he said it in general. nobody was paying attention to either of them and miklan was angry at what happened so he took it out on sylvain BUT MATTHIAS HAD TO GO AND TAKE THE GOLD MEDAL AWARD FOR BEST PARENTING and NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

like yeah you heard it here folks

HE DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

UNTIL IT EVENTUALLY GOT SO BAD THAT HE DISOWNED HIM

LIKE

BRUH U RLY GONNA WAIT UNTIL IT GETS THAT BAD TO DO SOMETHING? YOU COULD’VE EVEN SENT HIM TO LIVE WITH ANOTHER NOBLE TO STRAIGHTEN THE PROBLEM OUT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE PROBLEM YOU CAUSED

BUT NOOOO HE’S TOO BUSY FIGHTING WITH HIS WIFE

WHICH MIND YOU LIKE NOT ONLY DID MIKLAN’S BIRTH MOTHER DIE BUT NOW HE’S SEEING HIS DAD MARRY THIS NEW CHICK WHO NOT ONLY ISN’T HIS MOTHER AND IS THE MOTHER OF THE CREST BABY SYLVAIN, BUT THEY JUST FUCKING FIGHT. SO NOW ALL HE SEES IS BAD INFLUENCES IN HIS LIFE THAT SEEM TO CONGRGATE AROUND SYLVAIN’S EXISTENCE

like nah im not saying matthais is the scum of the earth and that he’s the worst man in the whole world bc he’s not and he’s good to his king and his friends and all that

he’s just a horribly pathetic father and should never have been a father no ma’am no sir he cannot parent like this isn’t a gustave situation where he left his family out of guilt but always thought about his family and wrote letters he couldn’t bring himself to send. this isn’t like gustave where he loved his family to pieces but felt like he didn’t deserve them/their love

this is a DUDE WHO JUST AIN’T MEANT TO BE A PARENT

AND MIKLAN NEEDED SOMEONE TO STEER HIM IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND DIMITRI FUCKIN’ DID THAT HE FUCKIN’ DID THAT Y’ALL DIMITRI SAVED A MAN FROM CONTINUING TO LIVE THE LIFE HE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO LIVE

AND HE HAD NO CHOICE BECAUSE HE WAS DISOWNED AND KICKED OUT BECAUSE HE DID BAD THINGS BECAUSE NOBODY TAUGHT HIM ANY BETTER OR PAID ANY ATTENTION TO HIM AND PEOPLE JUST DIDN’T CARE ABOUT HIM

MIKLAN IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SURROUND SOMEONE IN A TRASH ENVIROMENT AND THEN KICK THEM OUT TO LIVE IN THE TRASH

BUT THEN, HE’S STILL A PERSON, HE’S STILL A HUMAN BEING AND IF YOU INVOLVE ONE WHOLE SINGULAR DIMITRI IT FIXES A WHOLE LOTTA SHIT AND DIMTIRI CAN TURN LIVES AROUND AND MAKE THINGS OKAY FOR PEOPLE WHO OTHERWISE HAD NOTHING

what im saying is miklan is a very good character and not only is he someone who grew up poorly because he was raised poorly (if really even raised at all after his mother died since we don’t know if his mother was good to him or not but either way he lost her so it would still be a huge blow to how he’d turn out, bc either she wasn’t there for him either or she was and he lost the only good thing he ever had), but he’s someone who could be saved and turned to a better path if someone just F U C K I N G C A R E D.

someone who wasn’t sylvain tho bc sylvain’s existence is what caused all his problems and for a kid who wasn’t taught any better i mean obviously he’s gonna look at sylvain and be like it’s his fault all this happened like nah it’s your dad and step mom’s fault this all happened to you and they don’t deserve to be parents and i rly wish you and sylvain had been adopted into another family bc your lives both sucked

but also it’s very good of sylvain to give him another chance and still want to get along with him

psa don’t let me talk abt miklan bc this is what happens and i’ve bottled this up for three years and now bc of three hopes well i may as well just let it go boom

[bisluthq]

The whole Jack’s ex and Saoirse situation reminded me of some family drama. I will give you the backstory first but that’s not the part that reminded me of them. I will make up names for everyone.

Thomas (who’s related to me) dated Rebecca for like 15 years (with a break up at some point in the middle). I didn’t think they wanted to have kids or get married because they had been together for so long and hadn’t done either. Then, they break up. Shortly after he has a new, much much much younger girlfriend, let’s call her June. They’re together for a couple of years before she announces her pregnancy at a family reunion. They get married shortly after the baby is born and have since had another 2 kids. Rebecca, we come to find out, has something going on with her uterus which makes her unable to have children, but she starts dating a man who already has a son. They got married recently and I think they have the sole custody of the kid because the mum was apparently horrible.

That was the most interesting part of the ask, but I’m always reminded of them because we have kept in touch with Rebecca because she was part of the family for the longest time. That being said, none of us like her that much? She actually caused a huge falling out in the family because she turned some people against each other. Cousins (which includes Thomas) didn’t speak to each other for years until their grandma died and they all met up and realized it had all been Rebecca starting drama. I think I might have shared this story before here because it’s wild.

But the point is, we like June a lot more than we ever liked Rebecca, but we’re still in touch with Rebecca. I don’t know how June feels about Rebecca because she’s never part of the conversations when we see each other. But Rebecca and her sister have called June ugly in front of me but have also said her children are really cute.

I’m sure my story is much more interesting than whatever went down between Jack and his ex. But every time someone brings up something like Jacquie wishing her a happy birthday, I think “that actually doesn’t necessarily mean they’re all on good terms” because Thomas and Rebecca didn’t end on good terms and I don’t think they ever talk, but some of us do keep in touch with his ex (and wish her a happy birthday) even though we like his wife more. I’m don’t know what the dynamics are between Jack’s ex, Jack, Saoirse, his friends and his family; but it makes me think of the dynamics in my family

ok this was a good and dramatic story, I enjoyed it - thank u queen. I agree, family’s weird. So I’ve got one kinda like that too where my uncle’s ex-wife (second wife so not really an auntie or anything they weren’t married super long) cheated on him. Actually publicly lol someone who knows him spotted her and the luvah boi like out at the beach and my uncle was in that area and showed up and got in a physical fight with the luvah boi and then obviously divorced the woman. A lot of people in my family didn’t much like her because she’s childfree by choice and a psychotherapist and used to bring up the psychotherapy stuff a lot but me and my one other auntie (also all childfree and into wanky academic talk) really did like her so while were on my uncle’s side because she cheated like we didn’t really wanna cut her off? Anyway she deleted everyone in the family except the two of us from all socials but she still follows us and we still follow her and talk to her sometimes. It’s not that deep lol. My uncle knows we talk to her sometimes and he doesn’t really care that much. He got remarried again (manz really doesn’t learn) and has a new bebe now (the new wife is suuuper young but seems happy with everything).

now on the other hand my bf has a nastier version of this, which is when his ex-wife’s cheating was exposed and he divorced her, his SIL (the cunty alcoholic one) publicly commented on a pic of the ex and the new bf (who she’d been cheating with) saying “cutest couple 😍” and my bf literally has never gotten over that. Not because his SIL was still talking to his ex because whatever lol right like they were friends and she cheated on him not on my SIL but because of that specific comment and I agree that’s rude lol. It caused big family drama that they’re still getting over like years later lmao.

but yeah family’s weird and idk why y’all would cut off Rebecca completely just because June’s nicer.

[jennagrinsoverml]

do u have any really good fic recs for mlb enemies to lovers

Do I ever! Some of these have already been recced in my AU rec list, but since this isn't part of my "undiscovered gems" series, I'm going to let myself rec all of the popular enemies to lovers fic I've been enjoying too 😊

A Series of Meets: Reach by @damagectrlwrites

Paris is safe, except from the rivalry of its two superhero guardians: Ladybug and Chat Noir.  Since they were teenagers, the two have raced around Paris, trying to out do-good each other.

After Chat Noir saves a bus of people from falling into the Seine before Ladybug can even get there, Adrien is in high spirits.  He helps a young woman reach some chips high on a shelf, kicking off a friendly conversation that ends with a coffee date.

It’s a terrible day for Marinette.  First she had a hectic day at work, then Chat Noir gets all the praise for saving a bus of people, and then she nearly topples over trying to reach some chips.  At the very least, a nice guy helps her and asks her to coffee. Surely, things will get better, right?

Ladynoir Enemies AU. Never met AU. This one is absolutely amazing and hilarious and YOU NEED TO READ IT!! Ladybug and Chat Noir are superhero rivals, always trying to outdo each other, and being annoyed at the other. Marinette and Adrien get a meet-cute and fall in love. The juxtaposition is perfect and ridiculous and THAT IDENTITY REVEAL OMG.

Dearly despised, (I love you) by @snacc-noir

Marinette could go on about why she hated Adrien Agreste—to his pranking tendencies to ineffable attractiveness—ever since he had the audacity that day with the umbrella.

And yet, here she was fake-dating him while in love with a superhero.

Adrienette Enemies AU. Warning: This is a WIP! But it's so much fun. Basically Adrien and Marinette never sorted out the misunderstanding with the gum and instead just dug themselves deeper and deeper in hate with their miscommunications. Meanwhile ladynoir are totally in love with each other. Add in a whole bunch of sexual tension and seeing just where the author teases out these missed chances and it's beautiful.

Curiosity and Satisfaction by @imthepunchlord

When Adrien agreed to this line of work, he thought all his focus would be on the job of catching the elusive Lady Luck. It never crossed his mind that someone else would catch his attention.

Ladynoir Enemies AU. Although this is a ladynoir enemies AU, this dynamic change bleeds into all of the different sides of the love square and it's so different and interesting! I loved how the changes made actually affected other aspects. The story feels very real and believable.

like poles of a magnet by @rosekasa

ladybug spat her blood at chat noir. invincibility was only granted to the ladybug and black cat that worked together. not even the miraculous cure could heal them, otherwise.

(or, five times they didn’t hate each other, and one time it was love).

Ladynoir Enemies AU.  The enemies dynamic here is AMAZING!! Adrien is so in character even when he’s a “bad guy”, and the backstory of how he ended up working with Hawkmoth is perfect. (Also, how is Gabriel even worse??) I love the way the identities are played with, and especially the repercussions of Chat working for Hawkmoth on what Adrien is allowed to do.

Unstuck by @ominousunflower

Chat Noir, notorious supervillain of Paris, experiences a wardrobe malfunction in the best and worst possible place: Marinette Dupain-Cheng’s balcony.

Heart pounding, Chat pins Marinette’s wrists to the balcony. She stares up at him, her blue eyes kaleidoscopic from the lights hanging overhead, her features twisted into a scowl.

“Why are you trying to take my Miraculous?” Chat hisses.

“Because—you—I—” Marinette splutters, her eyes dipping down below Chat’s face. “Why is your suit unzipped?”

“I—well…” Chat sighs. “My zipper got stuck.”

Ladynoir Enemies AU featuring Marichat. I'm an absolute sucker for villain!Chat who just needs someone who's willing to care for and believe in him. And, even as a villain, he's still so recognizably Adrien here. My hearttttt!

out of the woods. by @anxiouscupcake​

“I- I have a… Someone I care about very much,” Adrien admitted. “I’m only doing this because my father gave me no choice.” “Well,” she said, lips pursed. “I don’t have it in me to fight The Gabriel Agreste, right now. My hands are tied too.” “I’m sorry.”

To his credit, he genuinely sounded a little remorseful. She even resented him a little for it, because she had so much more to lose than he did, but he just wanted to stay in Daddy’s good books.

She grimaced. Marriage, for one year, they agreed. And a painful few months of “courtship” to convince the press of the authenticity of their “marriage”.

In eighteen months, her father would be hale and hearty, and she’d divorce Adrien Agreste and be nothing more than his business partner.

(...In which Gabriel is an asshole, Adrien is trying and Marinette's stubborn but gives in eventually.)

This is a 2-part series that isn’t finished and that I desperately hope is continued. It’s not EXACTLY enemies AU per se, but it hits the same sweet spot. Ladynoir are in love, but can’t be together. Adrienette are forced to marry because of circumstances and Marinette resents Adrien for it. It’s got Enemies to Friends to Lovers vibes, even if we haven’t gotten that last part yet, and I love it!

i have found someone (like a nomad finds a home) by @hanaasbananas

After Stoneheart, Gabriel figured out who Chat Noir was, and forced him to work for him, rather than with Ladybug. Years later, Adrien is miserable until one night, he meets Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

Ladynoir Enemies AU featuring Marichat. Sort of a Never Met AU in that Adrien doesn't start attending school until after he's been a villain for some time and after he's gotten to know (and fallen for) Marinette as Chat. I love it when Chat's a villain and his love for Marinette/Ladybug helps him make better choices!

This Red Love by @hanaasbananas

In another world, he loves her. Would lay down his life for her without a second thought. Would be devoted only to her. In another world, they are partners, fighting side by side to keep Paris safe from Hawkmoth. Ladybug and Chat Noir, heroes of Paris. In this world, Ladybug is his enemy; the only thing standing in the way of what he most desires. In this world, he is not a hero.

Or the one where Adrien and Marinette are dating, but Chat Noir works for Hawkmoth. Angst ensues.

Ladynoir Enemies AU featuring Adrienette. This one has so much tension and the identity reveal and the ladynoir conflict really impacts the adrienette relationship and it's fantastic!

[remcycl333]

you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...

who doesn’t want to be happy?

(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)

ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.

this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.

(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 

i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 

so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?

i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day “my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?

and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 

now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 

and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 

i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 

now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 

enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)

(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)

i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 

once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 

don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.

remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 

your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 

i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 

and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 

guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.

and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 

let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 

so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?

[novamirmirsblog]

No more bed

Word count: 2113

Genre: Not actually sure :3

Request: No

Warnings: Swearing, kissing?

A/N that's the end of the only one bed trope. Technically requests are now closed but if you think of another overused trope you want me to write then feel free to send it in!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

You didn't eat that night and went straight to bed when you got too tired to focus on the words. You had made sure the pillow wall was twice the size it was to begin with. You turned off your light when you heard Natasha's footsteps come to the door, turning your back to her and pretending to be asleep. Your breaths were deep and completely even, there was no way Natasha could have guessed you were still awake. You felt her hesitate over you and the smell of reheated food invaded your nose and then heard her walk away.

The words she said back in that forest shouldn't have hurt you as much but they did. You shouldn't care what she thinks. It doesn't matter that she doesn't believe in your skills as an agent, that she doesn't think you're pretty enough to grab someone's attention.

If Natasha thought the bickering and coolness was bad at the start of the week, she was in for a shock. When she finally came back to that tiny, godforsaken bed and did her usual trick of sliding her foot over the pillow wall, you got up, took a pillow and the spare blanket and went to sleep on the rug in the living room.

When morning rolled around, you couldn't even be bothered to talk to her, focusing much more on the task ahead, just wanting this week to be over. It wasn't even the hurt you were feeling, it was the frustration that you felt hurt that drove you to stop talking to her. You hated her. She was annoying. She had no respect for anything anyone does.

You spent most the day preparing for the party that evening. Sure, it shouldn't take you over half a day to get ready but you had finished your paperwork early and you wanted to try on every single dress and suit SHIELD had supplied you with. You ended up choosing a navy blue, off the shoulder ball gown. Thinking logistically, it was quite possibly one of the worst things you could have worn. A pantsuit would have been a much more suitable choice and yet you looked and - more importantly - felt hot in the dress.

~~~~~

"You're not seriously wearing that are you?" Natasha asked as we both began to change into our formal wear. She had let you splurge out on a taxi but only after you had to walk what felt like 500 miles so no one would know where you were staying.

"Why not?" You asked with a fakeness in your voice "It's a no contact mission, plus, no one would look at me anyway, right?"

"Y/n, that's not what I-"

"Oh look. We're here." You get out the cab before Natasha can finish what she's saying.

Ivan might be an evil person, but he sure does know how to throw a party. It was elegant and high class and he made his way over to you as soon as he saw you. You had both agreed that you would keep him distracted while Natasha grabbed the relevant information.

"Dorogaya, u tebya poluchilos!" (Darling, you made it!) Ivan opened his arms wide, grabbed you by the shoulders and placed a kiss on both of your cheeks.

"Konechno, kak ya mog ignorirovat' takuyu ​​zagadku?" (Of course, how could I ignore something so mysterious?) You laughed and he moved his arm to around your waist.

"Prikhodite, prikhodite, yest' lyudi, kotorykh vy dolzhny vstretit'" (Come, come, there are people you should meet)

~~~~~

Ivan spent most the night introducing you to different 'modelling' agencies. You knew what he was doing, he was showing you off to potential buyers. Ivan ran a human trafficking ring along with some other not so nice business. You weren't worried - not in the slightest. Although, as the night drew on and Natasha still hadn't said anything, you were getting a little more... concerned.

You managed to excuse yourself to the bathroom. Once inside, you tapped the earpiece repeatedly, praying Natasha would answer you.

"Romanoff where are you? Have you got the data?"

Silence

"Seriously, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you but this is childish now."

More silence

"I'll let you have the bed?"

Static rang out in your ear.

Of course SHIELD gave you a crappy ear piece. It was ridiculous. They provided you with three million dresses but couldn't give you a working piece of tech.

Just as you pulled out the burner phone, you felt a needle slide into your neck and the world went black.

~~~~~

"Y/n I have the data."

Nothing. Maybe you were still mad at her.

"Y/n do you copy?"

Still nothing.

"Y/n?"

Natasha's heart beat a little faster.

"Come on Y/n. I'm sorry. I'll let you have the bed?" Her burner phone pinged. It was your location. Shit.

~~~~~

You woke up and looked around, seeing that you were in the rundown hideout, you put your head back on the pillow. Everything felt heavy.

"You were drugged." Natasha states, standing in the corner of the room, her arms crossed and eyes never leaving you.

"Oh." It was all you could muster up the energy to say.

"We leave tomorrow morning."

You push yourself up into a sitting position. "How long was I out?"

"3 hours."

You looked at Natasha, really looked at her. "Then why are you still covered in blood?"

Everything of Natasha's had some kind of bloodstain. She hadn't even washed her hands. It may have been dark in the corner she was standing in, having only the side lamp to illuminate the room, but her skin seemingly glowed, making the blood stand out.

She turned around and left, heading towards the bathroom. You wanted to get up to follow her but while your mouth worked again, your legs did not. Apparently whatever they used on you was a lot stronger than you thought because you fell out of the bed. Again. Natasha rushed out, getting to you in an instant, except this time there were no sly remarks.

"Careful princess, people might think you care." You grin, only for it to drop immediately when you saw a slight wetness to the corners of her eyes. "Hey, it's okay." You said softly. If she wasn't as close to you, Natasha would have missed it.

"I didn't know where you were. I-I thought you had gone off to try and prove something and then I saw you lying there, in some basement Ivan had. You-you looked so... dead."

"But I'm not." you reached up and gingerly stroked her hair, not wanting to spook her. "And look!" You gestured to your toes that were wiggling "I can feel my legs again!"

Natasha let out a slightly wet laugh. "I'm really sorry."

"For what? These things happen all the time. Although I will say, you seem to be unlucky because my missions always go wrong with you." You nudged her shoulder, crossing your legs so you faced her, both of you still on the floor.

"For making you think you weren't attractive. For basically drugging you myself."

"Don't be ridiculous Natasha. You didn't drug me."

"I might as well have done! If I had just agreed with you instead of fighting you, then you wouldn't have felt like you had to prove anything."

"You think I'm attractive?"

"Seriously? That's what we're choosing to focus on now."

"Umm yes? I know it wasn't your fault at all but now I want to hear about how attractive I am." You smirked and Natasha stood up abruptly.

"I'm having a shower."

"Is that a nice cold shower for you to try to get over me?" You shouted as she slammed the door shut.

~~~~~

Natasha came out of the shower half an hour later, towel drying her hair.

"I think you're attractive too." You whispered out, half hoping Natasha wouldn't hear it.

She stilled. Looking at you, trying to see if you were lying.

"Then why do you hate me?"

"I don't think I do. Not anymore."

Natasha stayed silent, encouraging you to continue.

"I didn't like the avengers in general. You guys all act like you're so much better than us. You get all the perks of looking good and none of the paperwork. You don't know the amount of times I've seen top level agents filling out avenger paperwork when they should be out in the field. I thought you were all lazy but spending this week with you... well it made me realise that maybe you're not all that bad."

Natasha had moved herself to the bed, just watching you speak. You looked over to her, signalling that you had finished all that you wanted to say.

"I'm sorry I ever made you doubt yourself. I'll talk to the team about actually doing their paperwork. Who's the worst?" She asked, curiosity laced in her tone

"Steve."

Natasha let out a full blown laugh at that. "Wait seriously?"

"Yup. I see him all the time, constantly trying to offload his paperwork to someone else. I always thought it would be Tony but it's definitely Steve, then Bruce. Then it's probably Tony."

"I promise I'll try to make them stop."

"I wouldn't make promises you can't keep." You laughed.

"Why...why did you doubt me?" You asked, a little more serious than before.

"It's not that I doubted you... I guess I just didn't like the way you spoke to Ivan..."

"You mean the flirting?"

"Maybe..."

You sat in silence for a bit, you couldn't figure out why. It's not like it was against any rules and it all worked in your favour. Then, it clicked.

"Natasha Romanoff were you jealous!" You let out a slight gasp and grinned at her.

"No. No of course not." Natasha got defensive. There was no way she was jealous of that old, wrinkly, nasty smelling man.

"Aww princess!" You adjusted yourself so you were completely facing her. "I can flirt with you too if you want." Your voice got slightly lower and your eyelids dropped a fraction, making your pupils seem bigger. While you raised your voice a few octaves for Ivan, you knew that to seduce a woman you had to lower it a little.

"Stop it." Natasha hit you.

"But why baby?" You grabbed her chin and tilted her face towards you. "Now you don't have to be jealous." You sent her a wink and let her chin go, watching as her eyes got a little darker.

"Go away. I want nothing to do with you or your terrible flirting."

"You say my flirting is terrible" Your voice now back to normal, "But your body is saying something different."

"Wrong. My body is saying nothing."

"No?"

No."

"Okay then! Night night princess." You leant over to switch off the light when Natasha grabbed your arm, causing you to look back over to her.

"Calling me princess... it - ugh... well it -" Natasha looked conflicted before glancing up to you, looking at your lips and kissing you.

You were shocked. You knew you shouldn't have been. All the signs were there and you were a very good flirt but actually feeling her lips on yours made your brain short-circuit. You kissed her back and climbed into her lap.

"We're not doing it here." You said when you both broke the kiss

"Why not?" Natasha looked at you, her hands running all over you.

"Because I'm 90% sure there are rats and I really don't want to catch something"

Natasha laughed and kissed you a little more. "Fair enough. We should stop this now then."

You kissed her neck. "Yes. We should definitely stop now."

~~~~~

Just before you were due to leave, you called Natasha into the bedroom.

"Y/n, we have to go."

"I know I know but watch." You bounced excitedly as you threw a match at the bed.

"Y/n what the hell!?"

"Well, if you remember correctly, I said that if you crossed the pillow divide, I would burn the bed with you in it. As you can see, I'm generously leaving you out of the bed. You're welcome."

Natasha just looked at you. "I can't believe I like you."

"Aww you like me? That's kind of embarrassing for you." You laughed as you linked arms with her, walking to the jet, but not before Natasha convinced you to put out the fire on the bed.

You watched as the fire fizzled out and silently thanked that damn bed for bringing you and Natasha closer. Literally. It didn't mean you weren't going to have a long chat with Fury about proper size beds though.

[therealvinelle]

What was your best/favorite ask of 2021?

Worst ask?

Ooh, cool question! And sorry about the reply delay, but better a week too late than never.

There have been so many good questions, though, good in different ways, ranging from crazy creative to really thoughtful that I could write essays for to asks that I had been hoping someone would send. And in turn the bad questions have been bad in different ways, ranging from alarmingly stupid to sexually depraved to horrifying.

Then there's the plain funny asks.

I think I'll give examples from the inbox, as they world has yet to behold their (questionable) glory.

The good

Made me laugh

Also while I’m brave enough tos end u asks, I saw a post that said dr Cullen has no personality and i immediately thought that u and the muffin would disagree So. for the record, Does Carslisle (aaaaa spelling) have a personality?

Date received: August 12th

As of unanswered, because this one will be another instance of me making fun of movie Carlisle. My apologies to Mr. Facinelli, but... I see why anon has to ask.

If you were in twilight which character do you think would be more fond of you? (not who you like but who would like you)

Date received: September 17th

I just really enjoy anon realizing that if I was isekaied into the Twilight universe, the question of which characters would not hate my guts would be a very valid one.

Vinelle is isekaied into the Twilight universe, where she proceeds to be that weird kid in the cafeteria everyone's glaring at from across the room. No one likes her.

Thoughtful and lovely questions

Hi - I was thinking about your post re: Aro's sexuality and the historical background you provided there, and since you've said before that you think Aro and Carlisle had a full sexual relationship when Carlisle was staying with the Volturi, I was curious - how do you envision Carlisle, a pastor's son from 17th c. England, reconciling his attraction to Aro with the negative views of his time/religion? I can buy him not being prejudiced, but do you think he struggled with any guilt or shame?

from @troquantary.

Date received: April 3rd

Originally put off because I had to write the theology post first, I haven't gotten around to writing the essay worthy of the question.

I've been burning through your metas and really enjoying them! I've got a question, if you'd like to answer. Say the Volturi did fall, checks on vampires were removed, and humanity was hunted to extinction as you suggested. What would happen to the vampire population in the aftermath? Do you think a vampire can starve to death, or will they be trapped in a living hell till the sun swallows the earth? Will they fight each other till they wipe themselves out?

from @trueishcolours

Date received: September 1st

Not only is it a great question, but I love the visuals of picturing this terrible future. Whenever I get around to answering it you can count on Now and Then, Here and There being referenced.

Questions I wanted to receive

Ooh, if your ideal Twilight is animated, what kind of art style do you see it in? 3d? 2d? is it somewhat realistic or cartoony? any shows with the art style youd see it in?

Date received: November 11th

YES. God I have opinions on art styles for animated Twilight! So many opinions that I was too excited to answer so, uh, it'll come someday, someday that isn't today. And it'll be a long post featuring examples.

You’ve mentioned that Edward is a dimwit and that Bella is smarter than him. Twilight was popular during my early adolescence and reading sexist takes on Bella was disheartening, so I really appreciate how you see her as a character with personality. I’ve always felt so bad for her because she’s presented with the illusion of choice and even when she makes decisions, the information she has is distorted by Edward. Can you do a meta on how she’s smarter than Edward? He’d absolutely hate it.

Date received: September 16th

There's a beautiful post to be written, but I need to reread the books first.

The bad

Yikes

we know jasper made it to general in the army, so he must have seen battle. do you think he might have some anxiety, ptsd or suvivor's guilt from that?

Date received: December 11th

"How did fighting for the right to enslave black people make Jasper sad?"

Not even a word about how Jasper might have felt bad about his cause decades later, how that might have affected him, nope, anon wants Confederate feels. I hope anon is young and doesn't yet understand what being a Confederate meant.

Just out of spite of the whole pregnant vampire asks, i want to know is any vamps ate babies. Like I know they technically can, but the real question is if they would? Morals aside, I feel like it wouldn't be really filling. This isn't fawn venison we're talking about. Plus, babies don't really remember shit so I don't know if it would break the secrecy.

Now wait, thats the better question. If a vampire was to feed infront of an infant before its at that cognitive stage, would it break the law to leave them alive?

Date received: November 10th

Anon, all your points are legitimate, your questions valid, it's just... so dark. "Would you like an hors d'oeuvre, my dear?" says the sexy vampire as he holds out a baby fresh from the nursery.

... I could answer with that.

The dirty

I read that post of yours about vampires and (anal) sex and I can't help but wonder.... Do you think they're able to go down on someone (male or female, human or not), since their mouths are full of venom (and fangs)? Wouldn't that hurt the... soft tissue? Could the venom get in the bloodstream that way?

Date received: September 4th

There's just no way to sit down to answer this one without flinching in phantom pain.

The horrifying

Do you think there may have been an Akasha sort of situation in the Twilight universe where one vampire sought not kill most of a particular demographic in a specific region if not the world?

Date received: Decembere 24th

Anon, that's... that's ethnic cleansing.

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 8) PREVIEW

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→a/n: so i’m not finished with pt 8 yet, since it’s such a climactic chapter it’s taking a bit longer than i anticipated unfortunately BUT i dont want u guys to think ive forgotten about it!!! i know u all are waiting so patiently, and i cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart <3 i hope this preview keeps you excited for what’s to come!

Jungkook could never face Y/N again.

God, how could he, knowing that he’d not only finished in five minutes like a pubescent teenager, but also in his pants while she was on top of him?

Embarrassment didn’t even begin to describe the mortification he felt. He’d never wanted the earth to swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. Sure, he was aware of his slight social anxiety, the way he was constantly looking to bolt from uncomfortable situations—but this was different entirely. This was new territory for him; he’d never done anything remotely sexual with someone else, period, much less with the girl who hung the stars, moon, and sun in his eyes. What was he supposed to do? There was nowhere to escape to in his own bedroom, no running away from his problems that made him uncomfortable. No, he had to stand there with his head down and his crotch dripping wet while he practically begged her to leave. He had never been so ashamed of himself. He had never felt so pathetic.

But then Y/N surprised him like she never failed to do: she’d given him reassurance, another kiss even, while telling him that she actually enjoyed the experience—went so far as to say it was the best in her life. Now he knew she was lying to spare his feelings. Of all the men Y/N had been with, there was no way a virgin cumming untouched in his pants was the best of them. She was cruel to make him believe otherwise, to give him false hope.

He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt.

Which was why he made it his mission to avoid her at all costs—something he’d gotten very good at over the past few months, and the past few weeks, specifically.

But in the same way he’d learned from the patterns of her daily routine and used them as a means to remain hidden, she’d also learned his and utilized them to her advantage as well. It was the only explanation as to how he was turning a corner inside the art building (about to take the rear exit, since she usually waited for him out front) and suddenly she was standing right in front of him.

He instantly skidded to a halt, heart rate shooting to astronomical levels and eyes widening on their own accord. “Y-Y/N,” he stuttered out involuntarily, the sight of her causing every single detail of their time spent together to come rushing back to him like a tidal wave ready to wipe him out.

As if he needed another excuse to think about the moment they shared that had changed him forever, about the way her moans sounded in his ear and her body felt on his lap and the way she touched his cheek, his neck, the way her lips felt on his skin, god help him—

Already he could feel the beginnings of a blush start to rise to his suddenly hot cheeks, and he cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep from springing yet another boner in front of her.

He slid his books in front of his waist, just in case.

While she usually approached him with the natural ease of self-confidence and charm, today she seemed worried, unsure. She chewed at her lower lip—something he didn’t think she really ever did, as he would certainly remember the way it stirred within him—and looked up at him beneath delicate lashes that framed her eyes.

He didn’t have it in him to keep from outright staring at her beauty.

“I… I missed you,” she finally murmured, and he felt the breath physically whoosh from his lungs to join his butterfly-filled stomach all the way at the floor.

It had been a few days since he’d last seen her, since she’d been in his room that night where they opened up about their past and confessed how they truly felt about one another and shared the most life-altering moment he’d ever experienced. He missed her too, god he missed her. He missed everything about her the moment she left his side—would picture her face in his mind as soon as she left his field of vision. But for some reason unknown to him, she was too kind to him, spared his feelings despite knowing what little experience he had. There was no way he’d be able to satisfy a girl—mentally, physically, emotionally—who could have anyone she wanted. Perhaps she pitied him. Either way, if she wouldn’t put a stop to it, then he would.

Or so he’d try, but alas, nothing ever went according to his plans where Y/N was concerned. And here she was, three simple words mumbled into existence and he couldn’t even remember his own name, much less why he’d been trying to fight this.

She seemed to expect he would say nothing—either that or she’d grown used to his silence—because before he had enough sense in him to even think about responding, she was speaking again. “How have you been?”

The question was asked with deliberate, genuine curiosity and concern; she really wanted to know if he was okay, how he was handling things after what had transpired between them. And no matter how hard Jungkook tried to fight this, fight her, fight himself, he was only human.

And so he stopped fighting.

“I– I missed you too,” he breathed out, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and relocated to his gut. He tensed at his confession, mentally berated himself for his words even though she’d been the one to say them first. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, what with the way his throat locked up.

Though the second he witnessed the smile that sprang to her tantalizing lips, he felt as light as a feather floating in the breeze.

“You did?” Her eyes lit up, sparkled under the fluorescent hallway lights that still managed to capture all of her beauty despite the unflattering lighting. He didn’t think it was possible for any scenery, not even that of a dull and stuffy university building, to make her appear any less breathtaking than she always was.

“I was so worried after I left last week,” she continued without prompt. The mention of his premature finish had him stiffening in dread, though she didn’t let enough silence fester between her words for the anxiety to claw its way up his throat. “I didn’t want you to beat yourself up. I’ve noticed you tend to be too hard on yourself sometimes.” She glanced up at him with the hint of a sheepish grin dancing on her lips.

Her expression said it all: that’s an understatement.

And this shocked him to his core, because she was absolutely right.

Just how well had she gotten to know him in their time spent together over the last few months? And how? And why?

The last question would always boggle him until the end of time; he would never understand why she was interested in him. Why was he the one she had feelings for, when she claimed she never had feelings for anybody? Though he supposed he could ask himself the same thing: why did he feel things for Y/N that he had never felt for anyone else in his life? And the answer was quite simple, really: because it was her.

He didn’t know what about himself was so special to make him stand out in her mind, and as a result he still couldn’t help but be skeptical, even after her confession. But it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter on what to do with that skepticism—not when his heart kept leading him back to her.

At some point after her accurate description of the inner turmoil that’s been plaguing his mind, his mouth had fallen open slightly. He couldn’t hide the surprise from his face even if he tried; he was speechless.

Y/N gazed up at him, not seeming in any hurry to rush the conversation along, and for that he was grateful. He’d never met somebody so patient and understanding before—just another reason to make Jungkook’s heart flutter with endearment. And it was no secret to himself anymore that he yearned to be in Y/N’s presence for as long as possible whether he was aware of it or not.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know,” she continued as if she could read his mind, and that was when he realized the way his eyes avoided hers and the fact that his skin was the color of tomatoes must’ve been dead giveaways. “I meant it when I said that was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Jungkook balked, practically choking on his spit at her forward, shameless words. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way she spoke her mind so openly without any fear holding her back. She’d gone through so much in her childhood, in her life—Jungkook not even knowing the half of it, he’s sure—and yet she was still so strong and brave and everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but admire the person she was today, despite all the prejudice and judgment he’d held for her when they first met.

He realized now that he was too quick to judge her, to write her off based on rumors and first impressions. He realized now that he was too quick to do that to a lot of people. Just how long had he closed himself off from others based on his skewed, morally righteous perspective? His whole life, if he had to say.

The epiphany that she was physically prying open his third eye with a crowbar, that he was now self aware and changing for the better for her—for himself—hit him all at once.

It was the most frightening sensation of his life, the introvert in him wanting to crawl back into his shell where it was safe and comfortable and dull. But deep down he knew it was also for the best.

“W-why?” He heard himself asking before he knew what he was doing. “Why do you keep saying that?”

He had to know why she insisted on standing by her statement that his mishap was not only hot, but the hottest ever. Why did she insist on lying to him, on giving him false hope? She spoke her mind in every other situation, or at least that’s what he assumed; why did she insist on sparing his feelings in this incident? Was he really that pathetic? Did she pity him that much?

She simply blinked at him once, twice, before: “Because I really like you, Jungkook.”

As if in slow motion, you could visibly see his eyes expand to the size of saucers at your words.

You would’ve found the sight comical had the situation been any different. But the way he continued to disbelieve that you could have feelings for him, that you could be attracted to everything about him despite who he was, despite his inexperience—it made your heart break in your chest. You now knew from where this inferiority complex stemmed—he’d told you himself about his family situation—and if anything, it made you want to rebuild his confidence that much more. He needed to see himself the way you saw him.

But you also didn’t want to overwhelm him, either. And you were more than willing to walk that fine line with Jungkook no matter how long it took.

“So are we on for a study sesh tonight?” You continued nonchalantly, wanting to return things to normalcy for him as much as possible before he ran away mid-conversation as he’d done so many times before. You wanted to ease his self-doubt so he’d stop avoiding you—like he’d been doing the past few days—as much as possible.

Jungkook blinked as if trying to adjust from the whiplash of your subject-change. “U���uh… if you want?”

“Of course I want to,” you replied without missing a beat, not caring how desperate you seemed so long as he didn’t question where you stood. You took a step forward, unable to help the intangible, magnetic draw you felt to him as you gazed up at him beneath your lashes. “That is… if you want to.”

You watched in agony as a gulp slowly raked its way down his throat.

“I–” his voice was hoarse before he cleared his throat. “I uh, can’t tonight. I have to study for math.”

You weren’t even sure how one studied for math, but you weren’t about to question the expert. “That’s fine! We could… do it tomorrow?”

Jungkook chewed at his bottom lip, an action he always did when he was internally struggling with something before he finally nodded his head yes in a slow, hesitant manner. “N–not in my room though,” he added as an afterthought, and when your gaze snapped to his he had a pleading expression in his eyes.

A mix of emotions rolled through you. On one hand, you were horrified at the possibility that he thought the only reason you wanted to study again was so that you could get in his pants. Which—okay, you’re not going to lie, you would love to have a repeat of last week—but that definitely wasn’t why you wanted to see him. He meant more to you than just a means to get off, which was what you’d thought of flings in the past. You didn’t want him to be just a fling, though.

You didn’t want to think of the meaning behind that fact right now, either.

But on another hand, you understood where Jungkook was coming from. Maybe it was because you’d studied him enough over the past few months to learn some of his behavior (for once you finally saw the appeal of studying), so you knew that level of intimacy was probably extremely overwhelming for Jungkook and he needed a moment to step back. Hell, it was even overwhelming for you, and that was saying something. Never had your senses, your heart, your body, your soul been attacked like that with such an abundance of emotional pleasure, and you hoped with all your might that Jungkook was feeling the same—that that was the reason he needed a breather from being alone with you, and not the fact that he just didn’t want to be intimate with you.

Unless…

Oh god, had you misread the situation entirely? Had Jungkook hated everything about that night?

Suddenly you were feeling sick to your stomach. The thought of you misunderstanding his confession—or worse, him changing his mind completely—made you want to escape to a dark and desolate stairwell and cry in the hidden nooks of the windowsill again; the irony that not only would you be pulling a Jungkook by escaping mid-conversation, but that the stairwell was also the place the two of you had your first real conversation, wasn’t lost on you.

“M–my roommate is staying in, studying for finals.” The sound of Jungkook’s voice was like a breath of fresh air whooshing into your lungs after almost drowning underwater. You blinked out of your inner turmoil, focusing on him. “So he’ll be there, i–in my room, this whole week.”

And suddenly your heart was warming with relief, hope, appreciation, like flowers blooming in the spring after a torrential downpour. Just when you thought you had him figured out, this enigma of a boy continued to surprise you. It was usually easy for you to hide your emotions—you’d been doing so for years, always wore a mask around others so that they couldn’t see the real you—and yet somehow, Jungkook must’ve sensed them anyway. He sensed the doubt, the pain, the fear that you vowed never to cage you crawling up your throat and threatening to consume you whole, and he eased it. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him. He wanted to reassure you.

If anything, that was just a testament to how Jungkook had broken down your walls—how much you had let him in, how well he was able to read the emotions you wanted to keep hidden. Your mask had begun to break, the real you showing through the cracks, and Jungkook was still standing here. He hadn’t run away.

You fought the urge to grab him and slam your lips onto his.

“Not in your room, then,” is all you managed to breathe out beneath a fluttering smile.

[aubreyprc]

it’s you

13 & 14 & 50 - please don’t make me choose - you’re choosing her over me? - i shouldn’t still be in love with you

summary - hotch and emily start seeing each other during his separation with haley. when haley wants to try again six months later he accepts, his wish to be a family unit for his son a bigger priority than anything else. three months later things just aren’t the same, and haley gives him an ultimatum. (i hate this sm but . oh well. hope u love it hehe)

word count 1.6k

-

She always knew it would end like this. End with him apologising, telling her that if things were different then maybe it would be them. She always knew he’d go back to Haley… so she doesn’t fight, doesn’t cry or shout, she simply accepts it, tells him it’s okay, that it’s his family and she understands. She always knew he would never choose her, she never expected him to, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t hate him just a little for what he did. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t wish it was her. Because she does, she always will. They had six months of something, he and Haley had a lifetime, and she knows there’s no competition, knows he’ll always pick his family, his son, and so she kissed him goodbye and told him to go, a sad smile on her face as he leaned his forehead on hers, and then he was gone, a married man once again, and they make a silent vow to pretend they never happened.

That was three months ago.

She remains distant with him, guarded and pretends as though he didn’t break her heart, pretends as though she didn’t fall for him, for them over the course of the six months and pushes down any feelings completely. She won’t meet his eye, so she never realises he can’t meet hers either, they don’t partake in small talk or any talk, remaining as professional as they can while ignoring the way her heart shatters every time she catches sight of the ring on his finger, the ring that wasn’t there during their… time together, a ring on the hand she used to hold. A ring that means he doesn’t belong to her. A ring that means he never did. She shuts him out completely, forces herself to forget he even exists outside of work, outside of Hotch, because it’s a lot easier than accepting she loves a man who didn’t choose her… loves a man who will never love her back.

He still can’t look either woman in the eye, not really, still can’t look at his wife without thinking about Emily, still can’t look at Emily without feeling guilty, a guilt that runs deeper than anything he’s ever felt before, because it’s guilt for what did he…for what he’s doing to both of them. To Haley and Emily. For having them both stuck in the middle of a war neither are aware they’re in, his heart craving the both of them simultaneously, his want, his need for his son to grow up in a family unit, with both parents in one household something he clings onto in moments where he fears he made the wrong choice, but after three months of that being the main reason why he went home, why he went back to the woman he isn’t sure he can truly love the same again, he starts to doubt whether his choice was what was best for him. For Haley. For Jack.

After three months of distance and arguments that never really get resolved, his marriage is right back to the way it was before she left, and he starts to wonder if he made the right decision at all.

“I cant have this argument with you again, Aaron.” Haley sighs as she turns, running a hand through her hair in frustration. “It’s exhausting.”

“Then stop picking fights with me. Talk to me about it, instead of letting it build up until we wound up right back where we were six months ago.” he says, looking at her as she huffs.

“Six months ago I wasn’t in competition with a woman who—” she stops, shaking her head. “If we want our marriage to work we can’t stay here, Aaron. You’re constantly around the woman you were seeing, your job has affected us for years and we need a fresh start… do you even want us? This?”

“I came home didn’t I?”

“That doesn’t mean you want it.” she says quietly. “You’re going to have to choose.”

“Choose?”

“Us. This marriage. Our family… or D.C, the job…. Emily.” she tells him, “I won’t come second to her, Aaron. I can’t.”

“Haley—”

“If you really wanted us, me, it would be an easy choice…”

“I’ve worked hard for this job—”

“This is not about the job and we both know it.” she tells him, “I’m asking you, I need to know.”

“Please don’t make me choose.” he says softly, and she smiles sadly, tilting her head.

“Because you’ll choose her?” she whispers, and he drops his head, the idea of leaving Emily behind leaving an extreme pain in his chest and he knows then, that he has to follow his heart rather than his head, rather than the picture of a happy family he and Haley had dreamed of years ago, because it’s not a happy family.. he and Emily, they’re happy, and that’s what his son deserves to grow up around. “You’re choosing her over me?” she asks.

“I’m choosing to set us free.” he tells her, “we’ve been over for years, Haley. Jack didn’t fix it, the separation didn’t fix it…”

“There’s a saying..” Haley whispers, “that if you fall in love with two people, to always choose the second, because if you truly loved the first your—”

“Heart wouldn’t have been opened for the second.” he finishes with her, and she smiles at him sadly.

“At least we can say we tried…” she says, and he laughs.

“We tried… probably more than we should have.” he smiles as she chuckles. “I really am sorry… for everything.”

“Me too.” she whispers, “I’m sure we’ll come out of this better… for each other, for our son.”

“I know we will.” he promises her and she nods.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” she smirks, “someone you should speak to?” she asks and he laughs. “Go.” she laughs with him, “we can talk to Jack tomorrow, he’s still young. He’ll be fine.”

“So will you.” he tells her and she nods, before all but forcing him out of the door.

“Good luck,” she smiles, “I hope she loves you as much as you love her.” she says and he laughs, before getting into the car, releasing a breath as he drives to Emily, his heart filling with hope as he refuses to let himself panic.

-

The panic doesn’t really set in until he stands at her door, a deep breath stuck in his chest as he raises his hand to knock only to freeze mid way, taken over by nerves, casting his mind back to how he had ended things, to how different they had been afterwards, how distant she had become with him, never alone with him, never the two of them in casual conversation like before, he expected it to be different, but stood at her door now, he fears that she’ll not want him back, refuse to accept that he wants to be with her, tell him it’s too late and he almost walks away, but the idea of never knowing if they could have been will haunt him, he knows that, so he knocks, releasing the breath and clears his throat, tensing his hand in a fist when he hears the door unlock.

Her eyes widen when she sees him, shock taking over her face.

“What—” she stops, running a hand through her hair. “What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice laced with confusion.

“Can we talk?” he asks her, frowning slightly when she looks away from him. “Are you okay?”

“Talk about what?” she asks him, he stays silent “Aaron, you’re married. You chose to go back to your wife. What are you doing here?”

“We ended it. Haley and I. We’re done. For good this time.” he tells her and she looks at him sadly.

“I’m sorry,” she tells him softly. “Are you okay?”

“It’s been over for awhile, going back was a mistake.” he tells her, nodding his head. “That’s why I’m here…” he says, meeting her eye for the first time in months and she opens her door, allowing him to step past her.

“I made a mistake three months ago.” he blurts out, knowing if he didn’t take the chance while he had the courage, he never would. “I knew I was going back for the wrong reasons, but I went anyway. And I’m sorry for that.”

“You chose your family.” she tells him, “I told you… It’s okay—”

“It’s not,” he tells her, “It’s not okay and it’s not fair, on either of you. I shouldn’t have gone back to her when I knew I had fallen for you.” he tells her, “I should have been able to let you to, and to be with my wife… But I can’t. Because I love you.”

“Aaron—” she starts, but he stops her.

“I shouldn’t still love you, but I do. I love you, Emily. And I’m sorry for not choosing you, I’m sorry for all of it. But I’m here now. Choosing you.”

“You love me?” she asks quietly and he smiles, cupping her cheek gently.

“I love you, completely.” he tells her, his smile is widening as her own grows. “I want this. You.” he whispers.

“Three months ago you wanted your wife…”

“For all the wrong reasons. I want you for all the right ones.” he smiles when she laughs.

“If you break my heart again I will kill you.” she warns.

“I don’t ever plan to.” he promises, and she kisses him, let’s herself fall into him for the second time, yet this time, hope fills into their chest, and love runs through the both of them.

“I love you too.” she whispers against his lips, and he kisses her smile, a promise of forever in the air.

[baby-bearie]

the 7 ways he’ll tell you he loves you

(NOT MY GIF ALL CREDIT TO OWNER)

jj maybank x reader

taglist: @snarkystarkey @sunflowermotel @howdyherron @drew-starkey @maraseavey @outerbanqs @yelyahryan @obxwriterfan @avashroom @rewindlr @raekenliar @imsad05 @ceruleanjj @dolanfivsosxox @heyhargrove @lashtonandmalumsbaby @beautyandthebleh @pancahke @outrbank @johnbsflowr @corleigh @poguemacking @maybe-maybanks @katie-avery @5sos-seavey

a/n: this is unedited, so sorry about the mistakes. i saw a lot of trouble going around with plagiarism on wattpad and i did report a lot of books with stolen fics and props to you guys for getting a few actually taken down!! plagiarism and theft of intellectual property is HURTFUL, writers put SO MUCH into their work, and it’s not so you can get some votes on a wattpad page. also, boys using lovely as a nickname is ;alsdjffenve. 

How long is forever supposed to be? Months? Years, decades, lifetimes? Forever was supposed to be you and JJ. 

Forever feels like the 15 minutes that he’s been fighting you for. 

“Y/n, I don’t get why you’re turning this into such a big deal.” 

“Stop doing that. Stop acting like I don’t get to be mad. I do! I am! You know, you always do this JJ.” “I do not.” “You do. I’m sick of it. I’m- I’m sorry, JJ, but I’m done. I don’t wanna do this anymore,” you sniffle. You refuse to cry. Not in front of him. “We’re going in circles, I really think it’s time to, to just call it quits.” You shrug. JJ is silent. You wait, you yourself need to process what just came out of your mouth. 

JJ is on the couch. He leans on his knees with his elbows and his head is hanging low. He nods. Slowly at first, then quicker. 

“Okay,” he sighs, “You’re right. You’re right.” You nod, relieved that he agreed with you. A bigger part of you was upset that he agreed with you. It would’ve been nice if he had put up some kind of a fight. 

“So, uh, I’ll go.” “Yeah.”

You collapsed onto the couch, rubbing a hand over your face. A brightly colored magazine was open on the coffee table in front of you. Cheetah printed bold letters spelled out a headline: 

The 7 Ways He’ll Tell You He Loves You.

Talk about bad timing. You flipped the cover back over it. 

#1: He’ll flat out tell you. 

“You know, you’re one of the dumbest boys I’ve ever met.” “Right back at you.” JJ grinned up at you. “Oh, low blow, dude.” You laughed, tackling him down onto the bed. JJ fell back with a loud oof, the breath knocked out of his stomach. 

“One day, you’ll do that and I won’t get up, you know that? You’re actually going to be the death of me.” “Oh, I hope so. I’m already sick of you.” “This is literally you confessing to my murder.” He laughed, shoving you off him so he could hover over you instead. “They won’t arrest me, I’m too cute.” You gave him a cheesy smile. 

“That you are,” JJ smirked, leaning down to press soft kisses into the skin between your jaw and your neck. You hummed in approval as he pulled away. You fiddled with the necklace which dangled from his neck. “I love you,” he muttered. 

“ ‘Til I murder you?” 

He pecked your lips. “Til you murder me.” 

He couldn’t have fought for you? Put up some sort of argument? This was a stupid battle to pick with yourself. You were the one who instigated the break up.  

Maybe you weren’t expecting him to actually agree with you. You weren’t expecting him to let you end things.

#2: He’ll protect you. 

“Maybank, I swear to god, if you don’t get us down from here right now I will throw your ass off this cliff.” “It’s really not that high up!” “Holy shit!” You yelped and turned to bury your face in JJ’s chest. He instinctively wrapped his arms around you. 

“Hey, you’re okay, alright? You’re okay. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I got you. It’s okay, I got you.” JJ assured you, laughing a little through his words at how tightly you were clutching his tank top. 

The next couple of weeks hurt like hell. It’s a sad process, trying to leave behind someone you were rooted to so deeply. You’d see him at parties or even just out on the street sometimes. 

His eyes always followed you. When you were dating, you were amazing at being able to tell when JJ was watching you.  A shiver used to run over your spine, and you’d turn and immediately meet his eyes. He’d smirk and raise his hand to salute you. 

God, how you missed that smirk. 

Apparently, after you stopped dating, your body never forgot what it felt like when his eyes were on you. These days, when you turned to look at him his eyes were intense. He held your eyes for a second. One second when you could forget how you cried and how he left without kissing  you goodbye. 

Then he looked away. 

#3: He thinks of you when you’re not with him. 

“Hey, baby, look at this.” JJ threw the door to the Chateau open and marched over to you. His smile was proud, like a child trying to impress his mom. He stuck out his hand and dropped a small square magnet into yours. You flipped it over to see the front. 

It was brown and painted badly to look wooden. There were two u-shaped magnets painted on as well, and it read, ‘I can’t help but be attracted to you’. You read this out loud and JJ grinned, ecstatic with his choice.

 “Where did you get this?” You snorted. “It was at some cheesy gift shop. It made me think of you so I had to buy it.” “It’s perfect. I love it.” You stood to kiss his cheek and slid the magnet onto the fridge. “You’re very welcome.” 

JJ has always been nearly unreadable. He’s scarily good at hiding his thoughts and feelings from everyone around him, often including his best friends. You knew John B at least had some knowledge of JJ’s emotions, but you doubted the rest of the group did. 

You had at least managed to make a couple cracks in the hard walls he had built up around himself. 

#4: He shows you his emotions. 

You gaped in awe at the bruises littering his torso. You had no idea just how bad it was. You had no idea why he never told you. 

“I can’t take him anymore, Y/n, I can’t take it- can’t do it anymore.” JJ sobbed, his arms tightening around you. You guided his head down to your shoulder. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, J. C'mere.” You took a deep breath. You would not cry. Not when he needed you to be strong. “Let it out. You’re okay now.” You locked eyes with John B, terrified.

His tears soaked the skin on your shoulder and the first of many that night fell into his hair. 

But since the breakup, from what you saw of him you couldn’t get anything. His face was expressionless every time you made eye contact with him.You had seen him smile at his friends once or twice, but nothing real. JJ was very good at fake smiles. They looked nearly identical to his real ones. But you loved him for long enough to know what a real one should look like. 

#5: He’ll try and make you laugh. 

“Why are you sad, lovely? Stop it, I hate seeing you sad.” JJ pulled you on his chest, brushing hairs out of your face. You shook your head, tucking your face into his chest. 

“Ok. Fine. You leave me no other choice.” JJ sighed loudly. “What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he tells time?” 

He waited a second for an answer that never came. “Dwayne ‘The Clock’ Johnson.” 

You laughed abruptly, but it came out as a sob. You didn’t lift your head. 

“Alright, you want more, fine. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he won’t shut up? Dwayne ‘The Talk’ Johnson. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when the doorbell is broken? Dwayne ‘The Knock’ Johnson. What do you call Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson when he wears comfortable, breathable footwear? Dwayne ‘The Croc’ Johnson.” 

Your whole body was shaking with uncontrollable laughter now. You were certain that JJ had been practicing those at some point. 

“No more, no more, please,” You finally lifted your head and JJ wiped away a fallen tear with his thumb. You choked on a laugh. “So how long did it take you to come up with those?” 

JJ frowned. “What do you mean, I came up with those like just now!” He laughed.

“Okay, sure, JJ.” “Don’t test me, I have like, 8 more.” 

You think the worst part about this is being lonely. You’re surrounded by comforting friends who try and take you places and get you to have fun but at the end of the night you go home to an empty bed and you wake up in an empty bed.

And every morning without fail, you’ll wake up and reach for him. And every morning without fail, he won’t be there. 

#6: He’ll make romantic gestures. 

“JJ? Where are you?” You sat up, groggily. He wasn’t in bed, that’s for sure. 

“G’morning, lovely,” JJ strolled into your room, carrying a tray. You propped yourself up on the headboard and took it from him. 

“Aw, JJ, what is all this?” “Breakfast.” “You made breakfast?” 

JJ stole a berry off your plate and popped it in his mouth, nodding. He took a seat near your legs. 

JJ can’t cook for shit. 

“Baby, it’s okay, it’s the thought that counts, I thought it was sweet!” “Nah, dude, that was shitty, I’m sorry. That bread tasted like a frying pan.” “The berries were good.” “That’s because all I did to them was wash them.” 

You hit up another party with your friends. They were the best kind of distraction. You pulled up the green bikini strap that was falling down your shoulders. This was his favorite top. 

“Y/l/n!” You heard a voice shout. “Y/n!” 

You turned to see who was shouting your name and smiled at John B. “Hey, Routledge, good to see you!” “Hey, Y/n. Look, I know you guys aren’t on talking terms- “John B, no,” You interrupted, but he kept talking over you. 

“But, please, Y/n, he won’t talk to anybody and we’re all worried about him.” “I really can’t, I don’t think he- “He’s in the van. Driver’s seat. Thank you!” And then he was gone. You huffed. 

You could see the van from here and you could barely make out a figure sitting in the front seat. 

You stood there for a second before you forced yourself to get over it and you made your way around dancing teenagers to the van. 

You pulled open the door and climbed into the passenger seat. He turned to look at you. 

“Hi,” you forced out. This felt uncomfortably unfamiliar. “Hey, Y/n.” 

“How are you?” He asked. He was being formal. He was never formal with you. 

“Fine, I guess. What about you?” 

He said nothing. “Small talk? Is that what we are now? We have to make small talk?” He laughed, exasperated. 

“I know you hate small talk.” 

“What happened to us?” His eyes are wet, and he doesn’t look at you, just stares straight ahead. “I made a mistake.” You said it out loud. You hadn’t forced yourself to admit it yet. That you were wrong for putting him in this position. 

“What?” He turned to look at you. 

“I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I think some part of me thought you wouldn’t actually let me do it. That you would fight to make us work.” You shrugged. Your eyes watered up. 

“Well, I didn’t want to break up with you.” He spoke quickly. 

“What?” Now it was your turn to be confused. 

“Of course I never wanted to leave you, Y/n. I love you.” “But you said I was right. And you left.” “I thought that was what you wanted. I want you happy. If that means I have to get out of the picture, then I’m gone. I left because I thought you wanted me to go.” 

You scoff. “So, all this time we’ve just been playing ourselves.” 

JJ laughs, a wet one. “You know, nobody told me just how fucking useless I was going to be without you.” He finally really looks at you. 

There’s a half smile on his face and his eyes are full of tears. 

You leap into him, and he meets you halfway. He buries his forehead on your shoulder and his hand is holding the back of your head. “I missed you. I missed you so much, lovely.” He cries into your hair. 

#7: He’ll do anything if it means you’re happy.