#i’ve discovered that if i share my fic ideas with people i am like 50% more likely to actually write them so

[teabookgremlin]

a not quite wip yet that i have brewing is a post rescue get together of the yellowjackets gathering in the woods inspired by fools gold by lucy dacus bc i was listening to lucy’s entire discography the other day and had this thought so it’s coming at some point

[littlesystems]

For the people who are out there “fighting the good fight” and “trying to make fandom a better place,” I have two important questions for you:

1. Is the author dead? x

2. Is your baby in the bathwater? x

What do I mean by those things? Let’s start with #1. The Death of the Author is a type of literary criticism, the extreme cliff notes version of which is that art exists outside of the creator’s life, personal background, and even intentions. I’m using it slightly differently than Barthes intended, but that’s okay, because the author is dead and I’m interpreting his work through my own lens.

In fandom, the author is dead. In fact, the author was never alive in the first place, not really. The author has only ever been the idea of a person, because unlike published fiction, the only thing we know about a fanfic author is that which they choose to tell us about themselves.

Why is that important?

Because it might not be true. Hell, that happens in real life with published authors, who have SSN’s on file with their publishers, who pay taxes on the works they create and have researchable pasts. If the author of A Million Little Pieces could fake everything, why can’t I? Why can’t you? Why can’t the writer of your favorite fic in the whole wide world?

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: “you can only write about [sensitive subject] if [sensitive subject] has happened to you personally, otherwise you’re a disgusting monster that deserves to die!!” Or maybe “you can only write [x racial or ethnic group] characters if you’re [x racial or ethnic group] otherwise you’re racist/fetishizing/colonizing!”

You can play this game with any sensitive subject you can come up with. I’ve seen them all before, on a sliding scale of slightly chastising to literal death threats.

Now, I could tell you that I’m a white-passing Latina whose grandmother was an anchor baby. I could tell you that I speak only English because my family never taught me to speak Spanish, something which I’ve been told is common in the Cuban community, though I only know my own lived experience. I could tell you that I’m mostly neurotypical. I could tell you that I’m covered in surgical scars. I could tell you lots of things.

Are any of these true? Maybe! I could tell you that my brother has severe mental development problems, so uncommon that they’ve never been properly diagnosed, and that he will live the rest of his life in a group home with 24-hour care. Is that true? Am I allowed to write about families struggling with America’s piss-poor services for the handicapped now?

Am I allowed to write about being Cuban? After all, I did just say that I’m Cuban. But is it true? Can I instead write a character that’s Panamanian? Maybe I really am Panamanian, not Cuban. Maybe I’m both. Maybe I’m neither. Maybe I’m really French Canadian. Should we require people to post regular selfies? I can’t count the number of times I’ve had someone come up to me speaking Arabic, and I’ve been told that I look Syrian. What’s stopping me from making a blog that claims that I am Syrian? Can you even really tell someone’s race and ethnicity from a photo?

Am I allowed to write about being a teenager? Am I allowed to write about being a college student? Am I allowed to write about being an “adulty” adult? Can I write a character who’s 40? 50? 60? How old am I?

All of this is to say: you can’t base what someone is or is not “allowed” to write about on a background that may or may not be real. No matter how good your intentions. And I get it - this usually comes from a place of well-meaning. You’re trying to protect marginalized groups by stopping privileged people from trampling all over experiences that they haven’t suffered. I get that. It’s a very noble thought. But you can’t require a background check for every fic that you don’t like.

If you say “you can only write about rape if you’re a rape victim,” then one of three things will happen:

Real survivors will have to supply intimate details of their own violations to prevent harassment

Real survivors will refuse to engage and will then have to deal with death threats and people telling them to kill themselves for daring to write about their own experiences

People who aren’t survivors will say “yeah sure this happened to me” just to get people to shut up

Has that helped anyone? I mean really - anyone??

So now let’s get to point #2: is your baby in the bathwater?

If your intention is to protect marginalized people from being trampled upon, stop and assess if your boot is the one that’s now stamping on their face. Find your baby! Is your baby in the bathwater? Which is to say: find the goal that you’re advocating for. Now assess. Are you making the problem worse for the people you’re trying to protect? Does that rape victim really feel better, now that you’ve harassed and stalked them in the name of making rape victims feel safe?

Let’s say you read a fic that contains explicit sex between a 16 year old and a 17 year old. Is this okay? Would it be okay if the writer was 15? 16? 17? Should teenagers be barred from writing about their own lives, and should teenagers be banned from exploring sexuality in a fictional bubble, instead of hookup culture? Is it okay for a 20 year old to write about their experiences as a teenager? Is it okay for a 20 year old to write about being raped at a party as a teenager? Is it okay for a 30 year old? How about a 40 year old? Is it okay so long as it isn’t titillating? Is it okay if taking control of the narrative allows the writer to re-conceptualize their trauma as something they have control over? Is it okay if their therapist told them that writing is a safe creative outlet?

Is your author dead?

Is your baby in the bathwater?

Now let’s take a hardline approach: no fanfiction with characters who are under 18 years old. None. Is the 16 year old who really loves Harry Potter and wants to read/write about characters their own age better off? Should they be banned from writing? Should they be forced to exclusively read and write (adult) experiences that they haven’t lived? Will they write about teens anyway? Should they have to share it in secret? Should 16 year olds be ashamed of themselves? Should we just throw in with the evangelicals and say that the only answer is abstinence, both real and fictional?

Let’s say that no rape is allowed in fiction, at all. None. What happens to all the hurt/comfort fics where a character is raped and then receives the support and love that they deserve, slowly heal, and by the end have found themselves again? Are you helping rape victims by banning these stories? Are you helping rape victims by stripping their agency away, by telling them that their wants and their consent doesn’t matter?

Is your baby in the bathwater?

Fandom is currently being split in two: on one side, the people who want to make fandom a “safer” place by any means necessary, even if that means throwing out all of the marginalized groups they say they want to protect - and on the other, people who are saying “if you throw out that bathwater, you’re throwing the baby out too.”

The whole point of fandom is to be able to explore all kinds of ideas from the safety and comfort of a computer screen. You can read/write things that fascinate you, disgust you, titillate you, or make your heart feel warm. This is true of all fiction. People who want to read about rape and incest and extreme violence and torture can go pick up a copy of Game of Thrones from the bookstore whenever they want. Sanitizing fandom just means holding a community of people who are primarily not male, not straight, not cis, or some combination of those three, to higher and stricter standards than straight white cis male authors and creators all over the world.

There is nothing you can find on AO3 that you can’t find in a bookstore. Any teenager can go check out Lolita, or ASOIAF, or Flowers in the Attic, or Stephen King's It, or Speak, or hundreds of other books that have adult themes or gratuitous violence or graphic sex. The difference is that AO3 has warnings and tags and allows people to interact only with the types of work that they want to, and allows people to curate their experiences.

Are these themes eligible to be explored, but only in the setting of something produced/published? Books, movies, television, studio art, music - all of these fields have huge barriers to entry, and they’re largely controlled by wealthy cishet white men. Is it better to say that only those who have the right connections to “make it” in these industries should be allowed to explore violence or sexuality or any other so-called “adult” theme?

Does banning women from writing MLM erotica make fan culture a better place?

Does banning queer people from writing about queer experiences make fan culture a better place?

Is M/M fic okay, but only if the author is male? What if he’s a trans man? What if they’re NB? Who should get to draw those lines? Should TERFs get a vote? What if the author is a woman who feels more comfortable writing from a male character’s perspective because she’s grown up with male stories her whole life, or because she identifies more with male characters? What about all the trans men who discovered themselves, in part, by writing fanfiction, and realized that their desires to write male characters stemmed from something they hadn’t yet realized about themselves?

How can we ever be sure that the author is who they say they are?

Who is allowed to write these stories? How do we enforce it?

Is it better for none of these stories to ever exist at all?

Have you killed your author?

Have you thrown out your baby with the bathwater?

[oloreaa]

2020 WRAP UP!

Okay here we are!! Hopefully I have not missed anyone because I truly dont mean to "snub" anyone, so here is a list of people who I feel very thankful for knowing this year, where I started out on tumblr, you have been truly bright presences and I love you very very much.

First off here are some people I don't know very well (or at all, but I admire their work) but I think have excellent vibes and I would love to get to know better/let them know that I appreciate them very very much:

@maxlordd @ollypopp @opheliaelysia @honeymandos @concussed-to-pieces @pikemoreno @huliabitch @mitchi-c @hansoulo @browneyes-djarin @cinewhore @max--phillips @din-damn-djarin @ezrasarm @dishonouringmycow @keeper0fthestars @dadolorian @dindjarindiaries @cobbvader @leo-moon @justrunamok @frannyzooey @miranhas-art @keethus-arts @hdlynn @zeldasayer @qveenbvtch @softpedropascal @marvel-and-mischief @datmando @stubbychaos @di-kut @themangolorian @vercopaanir @mcfreakin-bxtch

and so, so many more that I cannot think of right now (and tumblr doesnt let me tag more than 50 people)

And for those I know a bit better, under the cut❤:

@binggrae-banana-milk : You're the first person I really talked to on tumblr, and I cherish every single one of our interactions so much. The one time where we had watched Revenge of the Sith together and had a full on BLAST, it was incredibly fun and every time we just kind of scream at each other in dms it's so funny, how we both are freaking out simultaneously!! Also before you I never really keysmashed and now it's a part of my vocabulary lmao, ily!!!

@mndalorians : Cass. Oh, my dear Cass. Listen, you have brightened up my year by SO MUCH. I don't even want to know how many tens of thousands of words our chat consists of dhdhdh, from discovering cultural differences with each other, to yelling about the same stuff, to planning fics and telling each other of our ideas. We share a brain cell and we are literally the embodiment of Zwei Dumme, ein Gedanke. If I'm glad for anything in this year, it's starting to talk to you. You're literally one of my closest friends and I never hesitate in hitting you up, from absolute crack to heartbreak, you have the range, darling. I love you so much, you don't even know❤

@agirllovespancakes : Iris baby, oh my god. I don't even know where to start. The way how we just started talking without even KNOWING how we started talking is the funniest thing, EVER. This friendship came out of fucking NOWHERE and I am so glad for this. I can always count of you to stand by my side in so many things, and you're the other chaotic one in Tender Roasting, I adore you. The way we just go "kskssksks" and "dhddhdhdhd" at each other for literally hours because we are just losing it over each other is amazing. Ich hab dich so lieb!!!

@adikaofmandalore : Holy shit, Adi, the only thing I can think of now is that you literally deserve everything good and sweet in this world. You're one of the kindest souls on here, and I've never met anyone who is as sweet as you. I don't even know how you are real. Everytime we talk I'm literally smiling so bright, your enthusiasm for Ven is unparalleled and the way we just go bonkers at each other with ideas?? You're so supportive?? And your razor sharp wit and sarcasm is AMAZING to witness in action. Your writing is incredible and incredibly underrated and your stubbornness is admirable. You manage to power though Everything and that's so impressive. I love you very much!!!

@teaofpeach : lee babe DAMN I've never met anyone who is as funny as you. Like whenever we are talking it's just, it ends with me cackling and having the biggest smile on my face because you made me laugh so much. Such a bright presence on my dash and your TAGS are always sending me. So witty and smart and your vocabulary is unparalleled. Filthy hoe but I love you for it. You taught me so much tumblr lingo just by texting me and I always feel Educated afterwards dhdhdhd I love you so much and I trust you with every single one of my attempts at Spiciness

@mandolovian : DEV BABY my love from tomorrow🥺🥺 the time difference of HELL had never stopped us from being hoe af in the dms lmao, I vividly remember one of our first convos spiralling into thots SO FUCKING FAST that was the funniest shit ever. It's always fascinating to see what you do on the other side of the planet and I admire you so much. Like, you TRULY have big brain. How do you remember so much??? Like all these conditions and facts and like WOAH I just feel like a plankton next to you💀💀💀💀 ily SO MUCH

@goldafterglow : iris babe omg okay first of all you're the prettiest bitch I've ever seen, such a nice presence overall, you have GALAXY BRAIN, your writing style is so smooth and full of descriptions that are so amazing to read, like its. Amazing. You have unfortunately witnessed several times where I typed faster than my brain would proceed and I ended up saying the DUMBEST shit and you make fun of me because of it. Like bro I dont even mind bc any interaction with you is worth it🥺🥺🥺🥺

@chibi-liz05 : Liz oh my gosh I just love you so much. We don't talk as frequently anymore but you just have a place in my heart, you're incredibly supportive of everything and you're always there for me, no matter for what, offering thoughts and conversation about everything. You're such an absolute sweetheart and a sunshine person and I just adore your positive attitude and the way you talk, you're literally the sweetest. I love you very very much and consider this me giving you the biggest forehead kiss

@pisss-offf-ghostt : you're one of the first ones who read my fics when I first started out, and your continued support for everything I write is absolutely AMAZING. Like I enjoy every single one of our conversations and discussions, and I feel completely safe to hit you up for anything, no matter what. You're an incredibly kind and hardworking person and your heart is just so big, I cannot even comprehend it. It's amazing how much you care, how you interact with people on here, and I care for you SO MUCH. Love you🥺❤❤

@maybege : you're literally the KINDEST PERSON around?? And we are weirdly connected through cosmic forces whenever it has something to do about Lebkuchenherzen lmao, its uncanny. We have started out in fics in such a similar way it still makes me chuckle, like we experienced the same amount of cringe lmaooo, and now you're just here, blessing us every day with your amazing content, being the most organised person I know, and just an absolute SWEETHEART. everytime we write I have such a big smile on my face, and you BET we would have found each other irl if it wasnt for Corona🤡🤡

@kiwi-the-first : oh kiwi you're such a nice and thoughtful person, whenever I feel down youre the first one to send asks and nice messages and cute photos to make me smile and that is absolutely adorable of you🥺🥺 you're such a vocal and passionate character and its absolutely amazing to see you in action, how you go all caps screaming in the dms. You have a special part in my heart and its just so nice to be able to talk to you

@corvueros : MEG we are literally sharing one (1) brain cell and they are oscillating between "horny", "yelling at each other in all caps" and "oh my god that's such a good idea" 💀💀💀 whenever we talk I have the biggest smile on my face and I absolutely ADORE you, you're the absolute best. Such a sweet and thoughtful and excited person who can spew the filthiest thots in a manner of 0.1 seconds. You're such a bright person and I could not imagine not being able to talk to you bc you're so supportive and just the literal BEST, I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AM NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH

@blacksquadron-rougetwo : okay Hailee you have absolutely excellent vibes. Like you're always so bright and sunshiny and just so damn fucking gorgeous I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. Filthy and tender at the same time, the QUEEN of soft horny fics like woah, and the way you talk is just so wonderful to witness. Your reaction pics are always on point and no matter what the topic is our convos always end up in all caps screaming at each other how unfairly hot the character of the week is lmao. You're such a sweet being and I am grateful for you!!

@over300books : holy shit Estela I have not known you well for a long time but you're such an incredibly supportive person with the funniest of commentary, everything you write makes me smile, ESPECIALLY all those comments in the docs!! I completely trust you with all the writings I manage to finish and everytime you help me with it you make me see my work with new eyes. You're just so damn amazing and sweet and super cheery I just love you so much. I am so grateful that we are friends and I am SO PROUD of you for finishing your degree!! Like girl WHOOOO!!!

@anxiety-riddled-mando : listen not only are you an absolutely fantastic writer, you're such an amazing person and someone who just screams "safe" at me. Like I completely trust you with my thoughts and even if we are not talking directly very often (our communication is more reblogging and telling each other in the tags how much we love them lmao) I just absolutely adore you and I just am so incredibly thankful that we stumbled across each other!!! You're such a bright presence on tumblr and every single one of your works is so incredibly amazing!!

Aaaand that's a wrap!! Thank you so much for making my year brighter, I love every single one of you so so so so so much. Happy new years!!

Love, Rea

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey steph! how long would you say you spent on sorting out fic recs and tagging them and all that stuff? just curious because i really wanna start a fic rec blog too

Hey Nonny!

UGGGHHHH Tumblr deleted my entire response, so I’m going to just jot out what I remember.

Depending upon how long you’re willing to spend, a LONG time. You guys have NO idea how much work it is, and how much off-tumblr time I spend doing it. When I keep saying “it’s a full time job” it really is. The blogging you guys actually see takes about 2 hours, from filing my blog to answering a few asks here and there, but the rest is ALL filing my fics and creating lists. 

Now, mine is “perfected to my liking” after two years of trial and error and headaches, but yeah, if you’re serious about becoming strictly a fic rec blog, prepare to put in a lot of time and effort. BUT to be fair, I’m ridiculous in my sorting and organizing... I have a weird OCD thing where I need stuff sorted in a certain way, and it takes longer than it probably should. But it works for me and it has become very streamlined now that almost all of my Ao3 bookmarks are finally sorted. In the beginning, when I decided I would start reccing fics, it was only meant to be a here and there thing, but then people kept coming to me more and more and that’s when I decided I needed to keep an offline list. So here’s some tips from me to you:

Keep offline lists. Tumblr fucks up enough that you WILL lose interest in redoing a big 50-fic list if tumblr decides that nope, today I don’t feel like posting your file because you didn’t refresh your page BEFORE typing it out.

Going along with the above, keep an offline masterlist of your read-and-tagged fics. All the recs I give you guys? They’re all on one of three list masterlists I have offline: GO Recs, FFNet Recs, and Ao3 Recs. This will be SO much easier for searching for topics when making new lists.

Do the lists WAY ahead of time. This has given me back many-a-Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights because I prep my lists ahead of time.

Develop the “public” system of filing for your things, and use that for your Masterlist, so you don’t have to redo it every time (so like don’t have just Ficname by author if that’s not what you want to do for your recs). For example, my system is this, emphasis included: Fic Name by Author (Rating, wordcount, Chapter count || WIP/AU if applicable || PODFIC LINK if applicable || list of personal and/or author tags here, even if they spoil the story; i’ve found some people with triggers appreciate that I tag EVERYTHING I find in the stories) – Author’s description or personal description if there isn’t one. Series link if it’s part of one. This way, all I have to do is copy-paste it into new documents for each list, and then copy-paste the whole list into the Tumblr doc. 

Also, re: the above, do the layout in Tumblr if you’re doing a Tumblr rec blog. It keeps the formatting consistent and I don’t have to fix it between Ao3 and FFnet if I just copy-paste everything into a blank Tumblr doc, and then copy paste THAT onto the masterlist. Trust me on this one. 

Draft everything. This goes along with all the above. I always “start” a list and put a big header so that I can find it in my drafts (that’s why they have the big bold H1 headers on them) and then hit “draft”. Then keep a list of your drafted fics in your preferred method of organization. I keep everything in Text Edit RTF files. I believe Alexx told me once she did spreadsheets. Either way, develop a system BEFORE jumping into this thing, because you will EASILY get overwhelmed if you aren’t used to high-stress levels.

Tag fics as you read them. Trust me on this one. Because it will save you MONTHS of re-reading every single bookmark so you can properly file fics. I do this on my Notes App with the story title, and then all the tags I know are popular requests or are for lists I know Nonnies have asked for.

Keep CONSISTENT in your tags. Don’t tag one thing O!verse but another Omegaverse. I had to redo a lot of my older tags because CMD+F was pointless on a document I purposely made to streamline the process.

USE Ao3′s TAGGING FEATURE for your bookmarks. Just make sure that if any of your tags are spoilerific, make sure you keep the rec private.

File EVERYTHING as soon as you bookmark it. It will save you a LOT of hours of going through all your recent bookmarks to file them. 

That said, HAVE A FILING SYSTEM if you’re keeping everything offline. Keep separate documents for each list... Trust me on this. I used to just have one document each for Fluff fics, for example, and put subheaders in them, and it just got messy and annoying as my fic reccing became more common and plentiful. Instead, have a nice list like this, for instance:

The grey dots next to some of them are old filing methods that I need to fix and pull out. Also, as you can see, every time I finish a list, I file it into Posted and start a new list appended with a Pt number. It just keeps the system moving smoothly. I also have a system for the coloured dots; Grey is Old and refile, Orange is drafted on Tumblr, and Orange and Green means it’s drafted and ready-to-post.

I also have an offline “drafted posts document”:

That also has a system as you can see, but it keeps me knowing what I’ve already got drafted on Tumblr if I forget to tag the files with the colour dots.

It looks tedious and complicated, but I promise you, it’s really simple once you’re familiar with my method. Which is why I’m saying, you need to develop this kind of system REALLY early rather than 2 years later like I did. This drafted posts list is only recent as of... February I believe is when I started it.

Hmmm. Ah, yeah, so you can see it’s a lot of work, and this is why I absolutely dislike HateAnons negatively criticizing my lists, because it IS a lot of MY free time, between 8 and 48 hours a week. But if you truly enjoy sorting and organizing like I do, it’s a bit easier to cope with. So, yeah, whenever I tell you guys “I need some time away” this is why, and usually I switch to playing video games or doing art, both of which I miss doing on the weekends. I’m trying to keep the Tumblr stuff to mostly Weeknights these days, so that it’s an extension of my day job. Funny how I have less free time working at home than I did when I wasn’t; because I feel obligated to always be on my computer now, and I hate that. Like right now, I just bought 2 new games to play and I haven’t tried them yet because I’m always working both day-job stuff AND Tumblr stuff on weekends. 

So yes, that’s another tip: Don’t let it consume you, and set a schedule. Don’t feel obligated to answer every request. When I am tired and I just genuinely don’t have the energy to dig through 1000+ fics to find 2 or three for an obscure ask, I usually make it an interactive ask – not only does it encourage community involvement and a sense of belonging for everyone, but I also discover new fics to read too! I am IMMENSELY proud and happy that my fic lists have essentially become “fic exchange” grounds. Before it was only on one or two lists, some timid new authors added their fics to my big lists, but now, since people SEE that I add their fics hidden in the notes to the main post, now everyone is happy to share their faves on the main lists AS WELL AS the smaller single asks. I like to think of myself of a “curator of happy things” so that’s what I like to do with these. 

That said, you have to also decide if you’re going to be this interactive as well. Because that adds an ADDITIONAL hour or so as you make a separate “MFL” document and file those too. It’s time consuming, but totally worth it because if I’ve read the fic, all I have to do to that post in my MFL list is add my tags and file that block of text :)

I hope I helped you out a bit, Nonny, and I hope you guys enjoyed seeing a bit of my process. If I can get OBS to work on my laptop, maybe I’ll do a short video so you guys can see me doing it live. 

Anyway, sorry this got long. :P

[drarryspecificrecs]

I love your blog, thank you for all you do. Maybe just consider that the lists of "fandom favorite fics" are hurtful to writers who are excluded. We all have our personal favorites. There's no need for general lists for all of fandom. That post keeps being reblogged and every time I see it it makes me feel awful.

I have quite some conflicting turbulent thoughts so allow me to write in bullets:

The post mentioned is a crowdsourcing one which means it gathers the opinions from all my lovely followers who respond (and I try to keep it up-to-date with every anonymous/direct comments)

Yes, we all have different faves, I even stated my faves; you can share your faves, whether it’s your own writing or others’

In order to NOT see the things that upset you, you can easily block the keywords or the whole sentence

And I never intend to make a joyful harmonious ask to become a depressing experience so this is me honestly want to know, what do you suggest me to do?

---

As I am such a cantankerous person, here’s a kind and eloquent answer from @thatmidstea :

I personally really like the list because it has been helping me discover lots of fics and authors I hadn’t read BUT I also think this isn’t meant to be a collection of the only fics that are good!! I have 50+ saved top tier fics that deserve being there but I only recommended the one, just for the sake of not overwhelming the submissions. The fact that your fic(s) might not be there yet doesn’t mean it isn’t good, nonnie. That being said, I understand how not being part of it might be troubling and I think I (and probably other people too) would love it if you were to suggest one of your own! There’s absolutely no shame in being proud of what you have done and if you have a favorite fic you have written I think you can definitely share it? If you don’t think that’s a good idea I’d still be very grateful if you could DM me a link to it, I’d like to check the fic out! :) Also, and I promise I will stop after this, just the fact that you have written fanfics is freaking commendable, nonnie. I’ve tried four thousand times and have always ended up procrastinating or dropping them halfway through. It takes a special kind of love for writing and fandom, and determination to pull through and share your art for free with people and I just wanted to remind you that that in itself is admirable and amazing! Hopefully you’ll get the recognition you deserve for it, but please don’t let this deter you from writing and making!!✨

And an optimistic reply from @myaulophobia :

I love the list as well. I’ve read so many fics over lockdown that I was starting to run out. This has reminded me of all of my old favourites as well as tempted me to read some new ones. The way I see it is writing fics isn’t for recognition, sure it’s nice, but for me it’s mostly a hobby. And given I read so many of the damn things it feels good to add to the collection. The one thing I know is that there are some amazing under appreciated fics, and anything that will help me find new and interesting things to read is fantastic in my book.

[fanfic-reading-challenge]

Where Can You Find Fics That Won Awards?

Hello!

It has come to my attention (from myself) that some people have no idea that Awards were even a thing. They were innocent... and then they were controversial. *sighs sadly at lost joy*

But. I would like to share with you a few web pages and resources and websites that I remember from my way-too-young-to-be-reading-fic-but-was-anyway-days and hopefully you’ll find some new treasures just like I am (re)discovering!

This is, yes, a task on the Fic Reading Challenge, but only on the Hard Mode version. Feel free to skip this, or just throw a completed task on there anyway even if you, like me, don’t plan to complete ALL of the Hard Mode (me, read 90% of the challenge in one ship? HAHAHAHA)

Anyway. ;) Here, have some lovely resources I dredged up from the depths of the internet. :) Do enjoy, and happy reading!

(This list is not exhaustive and is sadly missing some sites which are no longer with us. But it gives you a good start!)

Fanlore list of fanfiction awards (incomplete but has plenty - 22 older fandoms and some multifandom)

HP Fanfic Fan Poll Awards (2012-2014)

Oh look, even more Potterverse awards

Moste Potente Passions SS/HG Awards

Ashwinder-related Awards

If Book Riot counts for anything, I’d call their list of the 50 best HP fics ‘awards’ Because come on, it’s Book Riot <3

The fic at the top of the list was actually just recced highly on that gifset going around with the wandless magic wizard reading A Brief History of Time (you know the one!!! - @ecrivainsolitaire was kind enough to remind me of this delightful work) and I for sure am going to be reading this fic before I die. I mean, dudes, ladies, folks, this fic has over 36,000 reviews! Okay, I’m done. :P Off to lose myself in a world where Harry Potter was raised with science.

XENA AWARDS - Need I say more?

The Golden Yodas - 2001-2010 - 2014 - 2015 - 2016 - 2017 (though I do question if the vaunted Jedi Council actually read anything on AO3 - I recognize nothing but that does not discredit the quality of their work! I think it was simply open to just their forum, that’s all.)

Criminal Minds: Profiler’s Choice Awards 2017

Literally like 123 different awards forums on FFN; I’m kind of in awe.

2019 Drarry Awards

As mentioned above, controversy has always been a part of fanfiction awards (I myself remember a spectacular blowout in the SW Sequel Trilogy fandom based on Tumblr/AO3/Discord that basically kaiboshed that idea pretty quick) but there still are some more recent awards, which is great! If you read the first link above (The Fanlore site one) there is some explanation of why this is contoversial but also a hypothesis that Awards were the precursor to the now much more popular rec lists. I can believe it!

If you can’t find a fic with an award that you like, choose a fic rec list with, say, 200+ notes, or something suitable for the size of your fandom (whether smaller or larger), and then list said fic and include a link to the rec list you pulled it from.

Like I’ve mentioned before, this isn’t a strict Reading Challenge.

Just have fun, y’all hooligans. <3

~ Juulna

P.S. Please feel free to reblog this list with other award sites you know of (if you want to search through the Wayback Machine, please be my guest, honestly - it is a treasure trove). Or send me a message and I’ll add it to the list! :)

Hope everyone is having as much fun as I’ve been having!

[lambourngb]

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael���s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid. 

[kusunokihime]

Shipping interview!

Multi, single, or fewship?:

It depends by muse, actually! Most of my muses are multiship, one is singleship (Sasuke), and a few are strictly no shipping (Shisui, Obito, Madara, Kakashi) due to, uh...unfavorable badgering in the past (and expected badgering moving forward for others just...based on patterns of RPC behavior and me just not being interested in the idea). Some muses are just easier to write ships with, and others are...not. Hence setting those boundaries to just avoid things I wanna avoid!

What are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?:

I’m pretty, uh...vanilla? Is that the right term? When it comes to shipping. Smut only happens with muns I’ve known a while and am comfortable with due to...past experiences. It’s legitimately a trigger for me. And anything too “kinky” is almost automatically a no cuz it’s pretty much bound to trigger me ^^; I don’t particularly like the idea of infidelity due to personal irl connections with the subject. Nothing in the realms of d.ubcon / n.oncon / r.ape / i.ncest / a.dult x m.inor / large a.ge g.aps / etc. I don’t mind angst and things being tough, that’s how real life is. BUT at the same time, I RP to escape reality and have fun. So some subjects just aren’t...fun. If a partner ever has questions they’re more than welcome to ask! I’d rather be clear so we can all be comfy~

How large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?:

I’d say in general, the older the younger muse is, the older the older muse can be. Like...an 18 year old and a 20 year old? Fine. 18 and 30? Nope. 38 and 50? Sure. Because maturity comes with age. And the more mature, the more of a gap I think is considerably appropriate. I have a general guideline of nothing a “generation” or more, BUT that can be hard to define, so anything uncertain of course can be discussed~

Are you selective when shipping?:

I do heavily prefer chemistry. I’ve tried multiple times in the past to pre-arrange things, and more often than not it just...doesn’t work because we can’t know how our muses will develop organically. And at least from my side, things often feel too forced and pre-arranged, so my muses tend to balk at the assumption of feeling rather than discovering it on their own. So I prefer to have SOME other content between our muses before talk of shipping happens so we can let things grow on their own to see how compatible muses are! 

Otherwise, ships just happen as they happen. Some of my muses are FAR easier to ship with than others, so...it really just depends on both sides! And of course I have my share of nOTPs that I refuse to write, but most of those are covered by the shipping status of certain muses!

How far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?:

I’d say...any implied nudity, any “heavy” talk beyond like...flirting, any naughty bits being discussed / touched / etc. I err on the side of caution when it comes to read mores and the like, so if I feel like I’d want something to happen behind closed doors, I...close the door lol

Does one have to ask to ship with you?:

Officially? It would be nice! But sometimes things just continue to play out in-character and there’s no...need? BUT it’s nice to have confirmation that all parties are comfortable before actually shippy things start happening. Communication is important!

How often do you like to ship?:

I mean I don’t ever follow or write with someone with ANY intent to ship. I used to when I was new to things, and honestly that did WAY more harm than good. And frankly anymore I find people who do so a bit, uh...uncomfy? I get admiring a muse or picturing chemistry but to me personally it feels a bit...pushy and assumptive because it doesn’t take the other mun’s feelings into account from the get-go. So I have zero expectations when it comes to shipping romantically. If it happens, neat! If not, also neat! There’s WAY more to muses interacting than wanting to fall in love. And I love exploring many more facets than just lovey dovey (tho I know it might look that way based on a lot of the threads I end up with xD). Not that lovey dovey is bad, but...too much of anything can make it boring, right?

What is your favorite ship in your current fandom?:

I...honestly don’t ship much in Naruto...? About all I do actively is S.asuH.ina. And even then mostly just in writing fics...? I enjoy G.aaL.ee, it’s cute. I.noS.aku is also cute. But overall I just never really got very invested in the romances of the series, especially since some were, uh...not ones I really enjoyed (both canon and fanon). So I tend to keep my nose out of fandom shipping for the most part beyond SH. It feels a bit like a minefield ^^; And most just don’t inspire me, honestly.

Tagged by: No one, it’s just going around!

Tagging: Anyone who’s managed not to do this yet lol

[gwenbrightly]

Never A Perfect Moment pt3

Finally finished this bohemoth of a fic... Enjoy some Kailor this fine evening!

“You’re sure the flowers aren’t too much?” Kai questioned, fiddling with his hair (for what must have been the hundredth time in the past five minutes). He stared at his reflection as though it could provide the answers he sought. His visit to the hospital had to be perfect. If he messed this up... he’d never forgive himself. From the doorway, Nya shot him a bemused look. How he could be so confident sometimes, yet act like a total wreck now, would always be a mystery to her. She gave her answer, slipping into the cramped bathroom to stand next to him,

“She’ll love them.”

“What about my hair? Does it look okay?” he reached for the hair gel, but his sister rolled her eyes and used her good hand to swat him away from it.

“You look fine. Leave it alone before you end up looking like some sort of rabid porcupine.” Ugh. What was it with people comparing his hair to animals?

“You could always be like Jay and just… not bother to style it at all…” Lloyd’s suggestion floated in from nearby.

“Hey!” the master of lightning cried indignantly, “I’ve been home less than a week and this is how I’m treated?! That was a low blow, greenie…”

“I missed you, I promise. But seriously, you need a haircut or something.” Lloyd told him, earning a glare. They probably all needed one, if they were being totally honest.

“Somehow, I doubt your commentary is helping Kai.” Zane observed.

“Probably not… Honestly, Kai, you gotta stop psyching yourself out over this.” Cole added, joining the conversation. Over the past few days, Kai had questioned the wisdom of being so open about his feelings for Skylor several times (even if it had really been mostly due to his panic over nearly losing her). The others had become surprisingly invested in it, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Giving up on retrieving the hair gel from Nya, he joined the others in the living room.

“Says the guy who’s more interested in food than girls.” he mumbled, seating himself on the couch.

“Pft… I just haven’t found someone who appreciates cake as much as I do.” the master of earth insisted. The others shared a look.

“Either way, Cole does have a point. You and Skylor have been through a lot together. Surely this can’t be any worse?” Zane offered, giving Kai a comforting pat.

“Indeed. It’s obvious you two are meant for each other!” agreed Pixal. He calmed at this, knowing she didn’t say such things lightly. Not since she had come to realize the full effects of the perfect match incident. The nindroid had felt terrible about the heartache caused by her actions, often keeping her observations about her family’s love lives to herself.

“Thanks, you guys. I dunno why I’m so stressed out over this.” Admitted Kai with a sigh.

“Everyone feels a little nervous when they tell the person they love about their feelings for them,” Nya told him, “it’s a big step.”

“Just be yourself, and be honest, and everything will work out just fine... I learned that the hard way.” Jay piped up. Having experienced his fair share of hiccups when it came to his romance with Nya, he knew that the master of fire needed to hear this advice. His girlfriend nodded in agreement.

“You got this.”

“Definitely!” Lloyd encouraged.

“Heck yeah I do,” The master of fire said, confidence growing, “Now where are the keys?”

-------------------------------

“You have a visitor, Miss Chen.” the voice of Marc, one of the nurses frequently tasked with caring for Skylor, called softly, his voice seeping into the rather bizarre dream the master of amber was currently having. A bright red porcupine vaguely resembling Kia was battling snakes made from living noodles. Bits of chow mein flew everywhere with each chop slash. The scene faded away once she registered that the person calling to her actual existed and wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. What a confusing dream… where had that even come from?

“Huh?” she replied with a pained groan, struggling to prop herself up on her pillows and wishing she could just go back to sleep. Exhaustion was hardly a new concept for the master of amber, but she was pretty sure she’d discovered a new peak level of tiredness that hadn’t existed up to a few days ago. The drug induced haze she’d been experiencing had finally worn off, leaving her with a deep-rooted lack of energy, and memories of unrelenting pain that continued linger even now that she was on the road to recovery. And an abnormally overactive imagination, it seemed.

“Your ninja friend is here to see you again.” Marc explained, distracting her from any further desire to question her strange subconscious, “Do you want me to leave you two alone?”

“Oh... um... Yeah, that would probably be… good.” Skylor replied, cringing inwardly. She’d been dreading this moment since she first became lucid enough for him to describe the events of Kai’s previous visit. While the nurse hadn’t been present for everything that occurred, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what else she might’ve let slip.

“Hey.” the master of fire greeted awkwardly from the doorway.

“Hey...” she murmured back, smiling weakly.

“I, uh, brought you some flowers…” he stated, holding out a rather large bouquet as he approached her bed.

“Wow… thanks, Kai… That was really sweet of you!” the redhead commented appreciatively. Kai placed them on the table next to her and pulled up the nearest chair.

“I figured you could use something to brighten this place up a bit.” this hospital room was anything but homey.

“It was definitely needed…” Skylor agreed. Having been raised in the colorful environment of her father’s island had given her an appreciation for beauty, if nothing else (years of trauma and manipulation aside). She’d quickly grown tired of staring at the stark, clinical whiteness of her surroundings. It would be a relief to return to the comforting warmth of her apartment once she was finally well enough to escape from this place.

“So…. How are you?” he asked quietly, glancing at her face, which was still far paler than it should’ve been, “I mean, you look much better than the last time I saw you but...”

“I’m… healing, I guess?” she said with a small shrug, relaxing onto her pillows a bit, “There’s still some pain, and I’m so exhausted that I feel like I could sleep for the next 50 years... But I feel way better now than I did for a while, there…”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. I never want to go through anything like that again…” Skylor told her companion. Absorbing Garmadon’s powers had been a terrible idea in hindsight, even if it had saved her friends. Nothing could have prepared her for the resulting pain and illness.

“I can’t blame you. It was all pretty horrible… Finding you in such bad shape? Was terrifying... We – I was so scared I was gonna lose you…” admitted Kai, sobering. They were quiet for a moment as memories of the events leading up to this day washed over them. This really had been a close call. Skylor shakily reached out, catching one of Kai’s hands with her own. Giving it a squeeze, she broke the silence.

“H-hey now, you can’t get rid of me that easily… but thanks. For everything. The doctors say if you hadn’t acted so quickly, things might’ve ended very differently. I… I’m glad you made it back okay.”

He returned the squeeze without hesitation.

“Me too, Sky. The thought of never seeing Nya, or Lloyd, or Pix, or you again was… unthinkable – there was never a doubt in my mind that I…. I had to get home somehow… There were so many things I never got to say, and I couldn’t just...”

“Give up?” she finished for him. He nodded.

“I know how you feel. Seeing the Bounty being crushed on live TV nearly broke me... it was devastating to think I’d lost so many people I cared about in one awful go. I came so close to just... losing hope completely, but then, sitting there in my apartment, waiting for the nightmare to just be over... I realized that if you were strong enough to go through losing your parents, your brother, and your master, all at different times, and still come out of it okay in the end...” Skylor’s voice cracked as she spoke, “I could face this, too. Even if it felt like I had lost everything. Because that’s what you’d have wanted me to do. And somewhere out there, Lloyd and Nya were hurting just as much as I was.”

Fingers still intertwined with hers, Kai gave the redhead’s hand another squeeze.

“Wow - I didn’t realize... C-can I ask you a question?” the master of fire asked tentatively.

“Of course.” she answered. Inhaling deeply, he looked into her eyes searchingly, and began to speak.

“The other day when I was here, you were a little out of it, but... you said that you were in love with me-”

“I - yes. I am. Have been for... Well, pretty much since we first met, actually. And I wanted to tell you. I was just...” Skylor interrupted, frantically praying this wouldn’t backfire on her.

“Waiting for the right moment?” he suggested, with a sheepish smile, “Yeah, I... I’m in love with you, too, Skylor. So if you were worried that maybe I was just joking that time back on your father’s island... I wasn’t then, and I’m not now.”

The master of fire scooted as close to her bed as he could before continuing.

“I was scared of messing things up for so long that I nearly missed the chance to tell you how I felt completely. But now? I just wanna be with you. I wanna talk to you on the phone until 3am and drive everyone else crazy with all our obnoxious inside jokes! I wanna go out with you and not be too much if a coward to call it a date and bring you flowers whenever I happen to be near the restaurant! I love you, Sky, and I’m so sorry it took me such a long time to tell you that to your face.”

“You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” the redhead replied, eyes bright. She looked so happy it made Kai’s heart burst with affection. Gently, he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

“Mmm. Actually, I’m probably sure I actually do,” he insisted, voice thick, “Meeting you was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me... And I kinda just really wanna kiss you now…”

“Oh? Well, what’s stopping you?” Skylor inquired, looking at him in a way he’d never seen before.

“Absolutely nothing.” he replied, emphasizing each word as he leaned in. She laughed as she met him halfway.

“Wow... I should’ve done that a long time ago.” Kai mumbled against her lips when they finally parted again. The redhead hummed quietly in agreement.

“Soo... I guess we’re together now?”

“Yep. It’s official. You’re stuck with me.” he said with a grin. She lightly punched his shoulder. They smiled at each, still only inches apart.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” she replied before kissing him again.

___________________________________________________________________

Day by day, Skylor’s health flourished, as did her relationship with Kai. He visited her whenever he could, staying for several hours; the rest of her ninja family, along with June and Chad also visited multiple times, ensuring that she was never bored or lonely while stuck in her dreary hospital room. Flowers, stuffed animals, and boxes of candy brightened her surroundings, though she eventually had to insist that Kai stop bringing her gifts every time he showed up. Their first date was a trip to the hospital cafeteria on the day the doctors deemed the master of amber strong enough to leave her bed. The hamburgers and fries weren’t perfect, and neither were Kai’s increasingly cheesy pickup lines, but after having waited so long to simply be together, neither of them cared. They stayed there, laughing hysterically over dumb stories, and tossing fries into each other’s mouths (and missing a large fraction of the time) until one of Skylor’s nurses finally came to drag her back to her room, insisting that she needed her rest. She slept better that night than she had in a long time.

Finally, the date of her release from the hospital rolled around, and not a moment too soon. Skylor was beyond ready to finally go home. To say she had gone a bit stir crazy wouldn’t have been a lie. Sitting on her bed, the suitcase June had brought her already packed, she smiled when her phone vibrated, signaling an incoming text.

Kai: Hey, stranger! Just pulled into the parking garage!

Skylor: Can’t wait to see you, fire boy :)

Kai: Be up before you know it!

The redhead leaned backwards and stared up at the ceiling, sighing happily as she read her boyfriend’s messages. It felt so good to know to know with absolute certainty that Kai loved her. And that she’d be leaving this place in a few short minutes. True to his word, the master of fire quickly arrived outside her room.

“Guess who?” he sang, swinging the door open. Skylor scrambled off her bed, greeting him with a soft kiss.

“Hey, Kai.”

“Hi. You look good today.” Kai complimented holding her at arm's length. She rolled her eyes.

“I mean, I'm in desperate need of a shower, and look like I haven’t seen the sun in years, but I'll take it.”

“So, you ready to get oughtta here?” the master of fire asked, grabbing the suitcase.

“Please,” Skylor told him, “if I never see this place again, it’ll be too soon.”

“Alrighty then. Let’s get you signed out before the doctors change their minds.”

“Good plan.” She stated, following him out the door and into the hallway. Jen, the nurse who practically lived at the front desk, already had the release forms ready for Skylor when the duo reached the waiting room.

“Congratulations, Miss Chen! It’s nice to see you doing so well. You just have a few papers to sign, and then you can be on your way.” The woman announced cheerily. Skylor quickly scanned the paperwork before grabbing a pen. She carefully signed her name to each dotted line, relishing in the feeling of freedom that came with it.

“Everything looks good to me,” Jen remarked, “Just remember to stay hydrated and take it easy for the next couple of weeks or so. We don’t want you ending up back here too soon, now do we?”

“Noted… thanks for everything!” The redhead smiled weakly.

“Of course. Now, I’m sure you’d like to get outta here. That boyfriend of yours looks like he’s starting to get antsy.” observed Jen, nodding towards Kai, who was staring longingly towards the exit.

“He looks even more anxious to leave than I am.”

“He’s probably thinking about the night you were brought in… I was here, you know… The guy was absolutely devastated. It was obvious how much he cared about you – physically tried to fight the nurses when they took you back without him…” The nurse recalled, clearly pleased that they were a couple now. Skylor blanched at this.

“Oh… I… No one had told me that… I- you’re right, I should probably get going.”

“Have a nice evening!”

“You too!” Skylor called over her shoulder as she headed for Kai.

“All set?” Her boyfriend asked.

“Yep. Let’s go home and have a quiet movie night and a nice meal that didn’t originate from the hospital cafeteria.” She begged. They exited the waiting room and stepped into the elevator that would take them to the level the parking garage was on. Watching the floor number meter count down, Skylor leaned against Kai’s shoulder, which, she had discovered, was the perfect height for a head rest.

“You doing okay?” He asked, noticing how quiet she’d gotten. She burrowed into him.

“Yeah, m’fine. Just… thinking.”

“About what?”

“Kai, did you seriously fight the nurses when they wouldn’t let you come back with me?” Skylor questioned, stepping out of the elevator, Kai close behind.

“Well yeah, but don’t worry, Lloyd wasn’t very supportive of me wanting to burn down the entire wing in revenge…” he joked, which earned him a look.

“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the best idea ever, but I stand by my choices.”

“You really are one in a million.”

“And I’m all yours. Me, my awesome fire powers, and this minivan Nya hooked us up with.” Kai stated, pressing a button on his key fob to unlock their ride, which they had just arrived at. He opened the door on the passenger side and helped her climb in before getting in himself.

“I’ll try not to fall asleep on the drive home this time,” The redhead assured him, referencing their trip to the zoo that had occurred not long after Skylor had first taken over her father’s restaurant. He laughed, turning the key in the ignition,

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. Your body is still healing from everything it got put through.”

“As romantic as the image of you carrying me into my apartment and tucking me into bed is, I’m pretty sure we’d both end up back in the hospital if you tried that so. Think I’d better stay awake if it’s all the same to you.” Skylor commented with a wink, “And besides, it shouldn’t be a very long ride.” Kai nodded. Their vehicle turned a corner.

“The colossus somehow managed to miss your entire neighborhood, so the streets should be pretty clear.”

“That’s good. So… how’s the gang today?” Asked Skylor, knowing how hectic life had been for them in the wake of Garmadon’s defeat. Getting the city back on its feet entailed a lot of hard work, and they had all seemed exhausted whenever they came to visit her.

“Zane declared our food stores too measly to cook a decent meal with and took Pixal on a shopping spree this morning at 5am, and Nya’s more than a little jealous that you got released from the hospital before she gets to be rid of her sling, but other than that, everyone seems to be holding up okay.” He answered lightheartedly. She stifled a giggle.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised by any of this.”

“My family does have a flair for the dramatic.” the master of fire admitted readily. He himself was no exception, as he’d proven time and time again (he was still being lectured by Lloyd and Nya for his stunt with the colossus).

The duo continued to chat as Kai drove along the streets of Ninjago City, enjoying how easily words flowed between them. They reminisced over past adventures and discussed Wu’s progress in rebuilding the Monastery of Spinjitzu. They occasionally stopped talking to sing along with whatever song was playing on Kai’s playlist, sometimes competing to see who could butcher the lyrics the most horribly. Time passed quickly. Street signs flew by. And soon, they were pulling up in front of the master of amber’s home.

“Sweet freedom!” Skylor exclaimed, shakily climbing out. She inhaled deeply; somehow the air here felt different, fresher, lighter, than that of the hospital, or even the warehouse the resistance had taken refuge in. Kai bit back a laugh when he saw her face.

“Welcome home, Sky.”

“Home,” She agreed, “It feels like a lifetime since I left, but at the same time… like it was only seconds ago…”

“A lot of things have happened since then.” He said, reaching to shut the car door, which Skylor had neglected to do in her excitement at having arrived.

“Yeah, I...” The master of amber paused when she heard the strains of the song Kai’s phone was playing. The music was much quieter without being played through the car’s speakers, but she could still recognize the lyrics.

“Is that... Shut Up and Dance With Me?”

“Uh, yeah. It is.” Kai confirmed, pulling the device from its stand.

“You wanna...?” Skylor started, hesitantly. She glanced at him, shyly. He raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t hard to guess what she was thinking.

“Dance with you? In the middle of the sidewalk? Sure, I mean, you only live once.” Kai relented with a grin. He pulled her onto the grassy area that lined the sidewalk, more than a little concerned his girlfriend might topple over if they weren’t careful.

“Just tell me if you need to stop, okay?” She nodded and took his hands.

Oh don't you dare look back

Just keep your eyes on me

Kai spun her gently, smiling as her face lit up. She pulled him into a spin of her own, harder, faster, than before.

I said you're holding back

She said shut up and dance with me

They stumbled around the stretch of greenery, laughing as their movements grew increasingly clumsy. Finally, the two collapsed next to each other, breathing hard.

“If my neighbors didn’t think I was crazy before, they definitely do now!” Skylor gasped, cheeks flushed. She looked so alive.

“Worth it!” Kai breathed. He leaned over to kiss her.

“Maybe there’s no such thing as a perfect moment, maybe things never line up exactly how we want them to. But right here, right now? I’d say we’ve gotten pretty darn close to perfection.” She told him before allowing herself to be wrapped in his loving embrace. No matter how much chaos life threw at them, Skylor knew they’d be able to handle it. Together.

[themalhambird]

Hi- fanfic asks, multiples of 5? Thank you so much!

thanks for asking! I’ve skipped any multiples of five that are also multiples of three because I’ve answered those already :) 

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Richard Suffers TM. I needs to be severely reworked but like. It was Over forty chapters. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written. It only took about a month.

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

There were a few moments while writing Richard Suffers when I toyed with the idea of Henry winning an actual battle against the rebels and ending things with team Richard’s execution. I wrote a bit about Richard laying his head on a block stained with everyone else’s blood. It was never serious though and it just sort of got filed away as an even grimmer au of my own au.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

I wrote one a while back about Richard being attacked by the angry mob while being taken back to the tower and a part of me wishes that rather than have the queen show up, and then Henry, I’d had Henry arrive just in time to discover his cousin’s corpse lying on the cobblestones. It just would have been interesting, I think, to deal with Henry’s guilt and anger in the aftermath.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. I cried a fair bit writing Richard Suffers, I cried while writing that one shot thing based on the ludicrousness that is Stabby York being an actual thing that at least one production has done, I cried while writing a scene from a variation of the Puppet King au in which John of Gaunt holds Richard and makes him drink poison and I’ve cried writing scenes of the actual Puppet King au…I think I cried writing that thing where Ned was turned in to a werewolf. I cry quite a bit while writing, now I come to think of it.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I share them with other people. I like to have the sounding board and it motivates me to write a bit more.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

I had an unpleasant experience a week or so ago where the person I consider my oldest friend found out and laughed in a not very good way. My mum doesn’t know and would probably consider it a waste of time if she did. My dad knows though, and he’s quite cool with it- he writes BTVS and Star Wars fanfiction, actually, though to the best of my knowledge he’s never posted any online (I also have reason to believe he writes- or at least considers- Twilight fanfiction, but I am Not Asking about that)

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

 Angst. It’s my brand and it’s easiest- if you’ve got angst then you’ve got conflict and then you’ve got a plot. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to write was a fic where the worst thing that happened was Richard realising that Kate’s marriage to Harry Percy meant that he would be kind-of related to Northumberland and nearly tripped over Mathe.  Besides, I like seeing my posts reblogged with variations of  OH NO tagged underneath them, it gives me warm fuzzy feelings (not that I like making my friends miserable, or anything, I swear…)

[pluckyredhead]

For the headcanon meme: Matt and/or Foggy, your favorite questions

I picked five!

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu: Because I LOVE FOOD, and thinking about what characters eat and how.

Matt: It varies, because he has a few different things going on: a meat ‘n’ potatoes background (single Irish boxer dads are not known for their culinary prowess and Stick’s ascetic teachings telling him that food isn’t important and he should only be thinking of it as fuel; his own tendency towards self-deprivation; extreme sensitivity but also extreme ability to enjoy food; and a life that burns a lot of calories. So I think at the very least he’s good at ensuring he gets protein into himself, but during bad mental health periods it’s mainly forcing himself to down low-flavor high-nutrition calorie bombs on a semi-regular basis (boiled unsalted chicken and kale! oatmeal with peanut butter and nothing else!). When he’s got more equilibrium I think he does like to cook because he’s understandably very precise about the flavor and provenance of what he eats. And of course Foggy is responsible for probably 20-50% of Matt’s meals at any given time.

Foggy: Foggy takes real joy in food, which to him is deeply communal. The Nelsons having a butcher shop is a little bit of a retcon but it really strengthens the feeling I always had that Foggy sees food as a safe and welcoming place where relationships are nurtured. He loves junky food, but really he just likes everything, regardless of “healthiness” or cuisine - and not just to eat it, but to discover it, share it, connect over it, which is why the staff of every restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen knows him by name. Ironically he’s not a great cook, but he’s very good at providing food for people, which is why he’s always showing up with snacks or ordering takeout to get Matt to eat when he’s having a rough week.

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Matt: Bi, but unlikely to use the word. While Matt spends a lot of time agonizing over his own ethics, he is otherwise not particularly self-aware or introspective, so I don’t think he’s really spent a lot of time pondering his own sexuality. I think that would be the case even if he’s slept with men. (I headcanon him both ways depending on the fic.) Part of me thinks he’s inclined to repress his attraction to men, but less out of internalized homophobia, Catholicism-driven or otherwise, than because he kneejerk represses anything that might make him happy. (Re: other people, he believes firmly that everyone should love whoever they want, but having grown up in a make-believe Catholic orphanage, he has no idea how to express this casually so falls back on lawyer-approved Politically Correct language in an endearingly awkward way.)

Foggy: Openly bi. Has had a vague sense that he liked boys too since middle school, out since late high school. Believes in love and bagels and the beautiful city of New York, according to his future second run at district attorney. ;)

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress:

Matt: Wants a lot of gray suits and white shirts that can’t clash. I once read something from the show’s costume designer where she said she went with interestingly-textured fabric for Matt’s otherwise very bland suits, which I think is fascinating. Another thing I’ve noticed is that his suits have a very slimming cut, which I think is another deliberate choice on his part to hide his muscles. Mostly Matt wants to look put-together but fade into the background, both because he doesn’t want to be gawked at because of his blindness and because it helps with the secret ID. (For leisure clothing, his only criteria are “soft and ideally smells like a loved one.”) Ritual-wise, we’ve seen the Braille tags and the glasses; I think it’s really just about routine for him. Everything needs to be in the same place every day, otherwise things just devolve into chaos.

Foggy: Talks a big game, but actually has a lot of insecurities about his appearance which he handles exactly opposite from how Matt does: where Matt dresses to blend in, Foggy dresses to say “Yes, I am here, I have chosen to look the way I do, I love myself and my pink shirts.” From the early long hair and goofy ties to the later three-piece suits, everything he puts on is a deliberate choice and announces itself as such. No one will ever accuse him of being sloppy or lazy re: his appearance. He is dressing with confidence to make the confidence manifest, and it works. Ritual-wise, he spends an hour on his hair every morning, even when it’s short, and has a huge range of expensive shaving and hair and skin care products that make him look and feel lustrous but don’t bother Matt’s nose; he also always wears the tie clip Matt gave him for graduation and it’s one of his most prized possessions.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

Matt is pure emotion but thinks he’s very analytical. Foggy is very analytical but thinks he’s emotional.

41. How misanthropic are they?

Not at all! Foggy complains but actually loves everyone except jerks and scary killers, and as we’ve seen with Frank is willing to work with the latter. Matt thinks he’s very cynical but really he truly believes that everyone can be reached and redeemed and is constantly hurling himself into danger to save his fellow human. He’s introverted and gets overstimulated, sure, but that’s not the same as hating people. He would just like them to be not in his apartment ever. ;)

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @notimetoblog for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about her, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I tried writing an original character in a creative writing class but didn’t enjoy it as much as I do writing reader inserts. I’m not entirely sure why, but reader inserts just come more easily to me.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

I tend to prefer writing in the afternoon. This is in part because I have the most time in the afternoon and I usually have the house to myself so it’s very quiet. It’s hard to concentrate when there’s many people around having conversations.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

My inspiration comes from various sources. I sometimes listen to songs that jump start my imagination and I find myself daydreaming of scenarios. Things that happen to me in real life also have inspired some stories I have written. Writers I follow, of course, also inspire me to continue writing.

7) What’s your favorite scene that you’ve written?

My favorite scene to write, so far, has been the café scene in Falling. I love writing flirty Bucky, and he was just piling on the charm in that scene. Anything involving banter is also a favorite of mine.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

BUCKY BARNES! Sorry was that too loud? I think part of the fascination with this character is his determination to overcome something that to many might be unsurmountable. His past is full of pain and torture, something that still affects him. I think, though, that it also motivates him to find himself and be the caring person he truly is. He is a hero that, apart from fighting crime, has to fight his inner demons. This is something that many people can relate to. He is such a strong character that it is very appealing to write for him. My need to constantly surround him with love and fluff in my stories is practically endless at this point.

11) How do you come up with the titles for your stories?

The titles usually come at the end. I will write out my stories and then I find myself sitting back and thinking of the title. I don’t think I’m the best at titles, so I usually stick to what I think are obvious ones. The title to my very first story was chosen because it was a phrase that I kept repeating in the story. Other stories have been titled after the song the story was based on.

12) What do you think is the best idea you’ve had for a story so far?

*gasp* This is a tough one! I’m not sure. I DO know that I was recently chatting with a friend here on tumblr and an idea for a mini series came up! I’m very excited about it and have been researching for the past few days. Can’t wait to write it out! I feel its going to be a special one.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I do have abandoned WIPs. I haven’t been writing for too long so I’m still a bit unsure about my writing. One particular aspect I’m unsure about is writing angst. I have two WIPs that have been abandoned because I feel like I haven’t been able to write out angst the way I hope to.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

Nights in Spanish. I had a couple of people ask for a possible sequel and I think it would be a fun one to revisit. A lovely person suggested some ideas for the sequel and I’ve been trying to get to work on those.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

There are many writers I admire. One that immediately comes to mind is @bitsandbobsandstuff​ . Her work is just incredible. I don’t think any of the words I could type out will ever do justice to how talented she is. All her stories are so vivid, raw, real, and simply amazing. Her way of describing environments and characters just plays out so well in my mind. It’s like I can see exactly what shes writing playing out. She’s incredible and I screamed every time I was notified of a new Safe With Me chapter.

Another would be @irndad​ . I always make sure to tell her how magical and lovely her stories are. The way she describes emotion is beyond amazing. I was hooked after I read one story by her. I immediately needed more.

@sgtjbuccky​ is another writer I admire. She’s amazing and so very kind. Her series are always full of fluff but when she unleashes the angst, my poor heart suffers (even though I love every minute of it). There are many more, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to finish if I keep going.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I like to listen to music while I write. It’s become a habit while I study, so I just transitioned it to my writing. For some reason, music doesn’t distract me but the tv or conversations happening around me, do. I really don’t know why.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Not yet. One day, maybe my angst skills develop to that point and I’ll be so very happy. I have teared up while reading stories, though.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I’ve never written an outline for a story. I usually go into a story knowing how I want it to start and where I want it to go. There have been some stories that have deviated from my original plan, so I have just gone with the flow.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

HOW ADDICTING IT COULD BE! I seriously didn’t stop writing when I posted my first story. I went all in with a multi-chapter series and just couldn’t stop!

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Any comment I get melts my heart. People have been very kind to me, so much so that I consider my biggest compliment any interaction they have with a story of mine. The fact that people take their time to write out a comment, look for a gif, like a story, or reblog a story, makes me so happy. THANK YOU!

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I have shared ideas with people on tumblr. I was nervous about posting my latest series, so I asked a friend to look over it and she gave me the confidence to post it. Like I mentioned before, another conversation with another person led up to an idea for a future mini-series.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

No. I think people think I’m writing a bunch of essays while I’m working on a story.

30) What’s your favorite minor character you’ve written?

I loved writing Maya in Not the Time. I loved how strong she was and how determined she was to help out her friend, even if it meant standing up to a super soldier. I also love writing Sam into my stories (although I wouldn’t consider him a minor character).

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

It was a while ago! It was on ao3, when I just heard about that site through twitter. I don’t remember the title, but I remember Bucky and reader had become very close friends. She would cook for the team and he would always eat with them since he loved her cooking, but he suddenly stopped. He would not eat with them and just take large amounts of food up to his room whenever she cooked salmon. Reader was worried and thought maybe he was upset. Turns out, he had found a box of kittens (*swoon*) when he was out by a bakery buying cookies for reader, and he was keeping them a secret from Tony who would not allow him to keep them. Reader discovered this after catching him in the middle of the night feeding and playing with the kittens. It’s all fluff and now I have to go back and find it because I’m still not over how adorable it was.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

FLUFF!! I love it. I am a complete and total sucker for it. I also don’t think my heart would be able to take writing angst (especially for Bucky) forever.

[fusion-ego]

♤Update♤

♤ First week back at college has come to a close for me - no class on Fridays, so I’ve got the day to myself for homework and writing. Overall it’s been a huge success, I’ve reconnected with the people I know who work there and I’ve discovered I’m a whole lot more willing to talk to people to get things done than I was last time. It’s been really cool to see my own growth via me being willing to talk to teachers about my concerns and just have regular conversations and not feel like my skin is crawling, and it’s a nice change from two years out of state where every conversation felt kind of dangerous.

♤ On the subject of school, this is just a slightly funny little story. I’m still waiting for my financial aid to process so I can get my books and supplies or whatever else - to be expected when I literally applied back and got registered a week before class started, you know? But anyways my mom is friends with the lady in charge of processing financial aid, and I know her pretty well too, so I managed to get my stuff processed way quicker than it would have been otherwise just by being like “Hey, Trina! How are you? That’s good, I’m glad to hear that. Oh, I’m okay, I just wanted to make sure you guys got my financial aid stuff!” “Hey, Trina! I’m okay, thanks for asking - but I’ve still got this unsatisfied requirement, and it says I don’t have to do anything, but do you have any idea when that might be processed?” and she’s literally just processed my stuff pretty much immediately afterwards every time I’ve gone in there to talk to her about it, which is super funny to me, especially after having to waffle around the financial aid offices at the universities I tried to attend. I’m literally waiting to hear back so I can file my appeal and then I’ll be free and clear.

♤ I am still trying to come up with around $200 for bills - I’ve got about $25/$200 at the moment but if I end up needing that money for something more pressing (lunch at the school if I don’t have anything to take with me, gas money if mom’s short, disposable plates/flatware, etc) I’m obviously going to have to use it for those things. Not really a huge issue, just kind of annoying. Anyways, point is, my commissions are definitely still open (fic and art), I’ll be sharing the posts around again soon, so if you’ve got enough to spare for something I’d really appreciate the help. Or if you could just be kind enough to reblog the posts, I’d appreciate that a whole lot too. Reminder: All writing commissions are 50% off until the end of the year! That means you can get a 2K word oneshot for $10, or a 2 chapter work for the same amount, instead of paying $20 for either!

♤ I’ll be sharing the fic poll again semi-regularly here soon. If you enjoy my work but haven’t responded to it yet, it’d be really cool if you could the next time it makes its rounds! I run the poll because I write what I enjoy writing, but if I can write something that people who already read my work enjoy just as much, then that’s awesome and I love being able to do it. Responses don’t always have a direct bearing on what I end up writing, but generally if there’s enough responses indicating people liked x thing, I’ll end up keeping x thing in mind for future works!

♤ The Operator Rewrite is still slated to be finished up sometime this year and published either this year or early next year! I’m a little embarrassed it’s taken this long to get somewhere with it, but I’ve had a lot of other things on my mind besides rewriting my first foray into the original fiction scene. It happens that way sometimes, and while I’d love to just crank out book after book and make a living off of it, it’s not realistic for someone like me who writes almost exclusively when I have the motivation.

♤ With a few exceptions, I’m not going to be posting new works for a time. Instead I’ll be focusing on prior multi-chapter things, and I may or may not switch up my loose posting schedule to focus on one or two projects at a time until I complete them. Exceptions include commissions, works in my “given time,” series of Jak and Daxter oneshots, and (if I work on any anytime soon) works in the “Making Enemies Is As Easy As 1, 2...” series.

♤ That’s all for now! ♤

[darpok]

Blog Post: On Fan Fiction and Other Storytelling Traditions

When I was twelve or thirteen years old, and even our family finally had DSL internet, I discovered the joys of fan fiction. In case you haven’t been living under the same rock as I have, allow me to explain. “Fan fiction” refers to stories written by enthusiasts of a particular book, TV show, or other creative work. While most “fics” – as my friends and I would call them – take place within the particular universe of the original story, others take known characters and put them in an entirely new setting. (That’s how 50 Shades of Grey was born.) There’s also fan fiction that doesn’t deliberately draw on any work but revolves around real, famous people in imagined situations. (See Graham Norton and Daniel Radcliffe discuss this type on the former’s show.)

The stories that interested me ranged from shorter “one shots” to multi-chapter epics, but most were placed in the Harry Potter universe and nearly all were tales of romance – if you could call it that.

The pairings I read about (and often ‘shipped’ – a verb that comes from the ‘ship’ in ‘relationship’ and means “hoped would bang”) – whether true to canon (i.e. the original books), such as Lily and James Potter, or wildly inventive, such as Hermione and a Tom Riddle to whom she has traveled back in time – usually engaged in the kind of love/hate banter that sends real couples to therapy. The pair would glare at and insult each other (often employing strangely American turns of phrase for a pair of ostensible Brits), their apparent mutual disgust hiding a deeper attraction. For my friends and I, it was riveting stuff.

While I was mainly a Lily/James shipper myself, you can’t talk about Harry Potter fan fiction and not mention Dramione. The fan-invented romance between Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger was a tale of forbidden passion, a defiance of Hogwarts housing norms and the mandates of Potter canon itself. Draco did need to be less of a whiny loser to be a deserving match for Hermione, but this could be arranged without too much trouble. In the fan fiction world, Draco was dark and brooding, and he didn’t bring his dad up in conversation quite as often as in the books. Hermione was clever and empathetic, and although she was rarely depicted with less than Yule Ball-level beauty, her looks were not her main characteristic.

Sometimes fan fiction Draco and Hermione fell for each other while at Hogwarts. In other fics, they met again under changed circumstances years after the fall of Voldemort. Then there were the AU fics in which a brilliant young paralegal named Hermione Granger begins work at the firm where successful lawyer Draco Malfoy practices. You get the idea.

Photoshop creations starring Tom Felton and Emma Watson (no credit belongs to me). The purple one in particular has stayed in my memory for years, and brings on a familiar feeling of excitement at all the great content to peruse in the world. It was the banner for a website that allowed fans to nominate and vote for their favorite Dramione fics.

A particularly sexy iteration of the Draco/Hermione story was called Water by kissherdraco. In it, Draco and Hermione are Head Boy and Girl at Hogwarts. Of course, this means that they must live sequestered in their own dormitory, with its own entrance, common room and adjoining bathroom that ensure they see each other in a state of partial undress when the story demands it.

Water was held by many to be the pinnacle of the genre. It had lust and angst in equal measure, executed with a liberal dose of swear words and aggression. Moreover, Water took the common flaws of the Dramione world’s characters and actually explored them, allowing character to drive plot. In the story, Draco is brooding and cruel as ever, but these traits are linked to vicious abuse at the hands of Lucius. This backstory is not seen as an excuse for Draco’s behavior and he is forced to grow and change as the story progresses (although not quite enough, tbh).

I never finished the story, perhaps because my young brain was alarmed by all the hate-sex, but I revisited it with curiosity for this piece. Here is a relatively benign excerpt from the text, although please skip if you’d rather avoid themes of physical dominance:

“You’re crying,” growled Draco, leaning in and flicking his tongue onto her cheek. He tasted salt.

She struggled then, and he brought his hands to her shoulders to hold her still. “Don’t, Granger,” he warned. “I fucking need this. I can’t fucking…” He trailed off.

He never would have noticed before. Not like he did now, at least. Her lips were wet. They were red and moist and magnificently ripened for him. So full of blood. Hot, heated, sullied blood. He couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Other fics situated romance within a larger plot about the politics of the wizarding world. Prelude to Destiny by AnotherDreamer took place in the Marauder era (i.e. the time of Harry’s parents) and focused on the coming-of-age of Lily Evans and her role in the battle against evil. It begins, “Two cultures and a thousand miles from you, there is a castle on a hill…”

Another fave began life under the title Ancient and Most Noble and is now called Druella Black’s Guide to Womanhood. It is about the diverging lives of the three Black sisters — Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa — in the early years of Voldemort’s power. The sisters confront the crumbling of the their easy closeness as they make different choices in a changing world.

”It’ll be a laugh, you’ll see,” Bellatrix whispered into her ear, her breath sweet and thick from wine. They were curled in the cool grass, tangled in the layers upon layers of lace and satin that were their dress robes; it had taken them an hour to get them on right and just ten minutes to unsettle them. Andromeda’s head was spinning: from the liquor, from the heat, from far too much dancing. “It’ll all be just like this,” Bella was murmuring, her lips brushing against her ear. Stars whirled by overhead, maybe close enough to touch. Close enough to try.

“Always just like this.”

—

Andromeda swore as she stepped off the train. From inside the nicely cool travel car, summer had looked so charming, green and bright and gloriously school-free…

I was most interested in these fics, the ones that revolved around the generations before Harry’s. There was something compelling about the knowledge of forthcoming tragedy for many of the characters…Plucked away from the happy ending of the books, these fics became an exploration of why life is meaningful even in its flawed and finite scope.

I look back on my fan fiction experiences as belonging to a beautiful time when the internet was less like Janet from The Good Place* (if Janet were selling everything she knew about us to profit-hungry corporations and belligerent, militarized governments), and more like a library you went to when you felt like checking out a book. Nobody knew what I ate and where I went every minute of the day, because I didn’t put that stuff online, nor did I (to my knowledge) carry a tracking device with me when I went downstairs to play with my friends. At 5 pm, our moms would have to call each friend’s landline to reach us and remind us to stop home for our daily glass of milk or what-have-you.

*Janet is a humanoid presence in the afterlife who holds all knowledge in the universe and can create objects out of the void.

Fan fiction was a commerce-free creative space – devoid of ad revenue and the quick accumulation of likes. Since there was neither money nor social capital to be gained, everyone who participated did so out of pure interest. One did have the hope of raking in reviews from other community members, but these were about more than validation; reviews allowed people to have conversations about a shared passion and often included constructive criticism along with praise. There was little need for bitterness – if a fic was well-written, everybody won, since it meant they got to read it.

Below are some examples from the reviews section of Prelude to Destiny. It’s certainly no Twitter.

Written by rach on chapter #13. (March 28th 2009, 5am) Hey,

So I’ve read your whole story before, and now I’m reading it again, because I saw it spotlighted on the site. And this chapter is amazing. I love the end…I’ve never (well, before I read this the first time) compared Lily to Mrs Crouch. But it’s so true. They both gave their lives for their sons and…this chapter is phenomenal. Just thought I’d let you know

Rach

Written by Smith on chapter #26. (April 29th 2008, 11am)

…If I am to find any fault in the story, then I should say that Remus was rather dull. Not that it was completely out of character, but I imagine him being funnier and also good Lily’s friend. Their friendship is mentioned by Lupin in the third film and, I should think, in the book as well, though I don’t have a copy right now and thus can’t provide a quote. Pity, that. [Given my extensive knowledge of canon, I can tell you that the reviewer is mistaken on this last point.]

Thank you very much for writing this story. Reading it was an enjoyable experience that I might repeat in the future. You’re brilliant, to put it short.

Author Response: Thanks for the review!Yeah, Remus was a bit dull. Actually, I didn’t intend for Lily to be friends with any of the marauders besides James. I just wanted them out of the way. But I know what you mean. After Sirius entered the story, Remus was even duller in comparison. Plus, I wanted to make Peter seem like he fit in, and Remus just fell by the wayside, you know?I’m enjoying writing Gertrude again after taking over a story from my friend who used my characters. Anyway, thanks again!Miranda

For me, too, fandom was a more than a casual hobby. Since I was only allowed an hour of internet use a day, I would spend the time copying and pasting chapter after chapter of fan fiction onto Microsoft Word, allowing me to read all I wanted later. (As you might imagine, Water was not stored on the family computer.) I remember scouring for new fics on fanfiction.net and clicking through page after page of fan art on deviantart.com (both of which retain their early-2000s layouts, unlike Mugglenet or JK Rowling’s official site), very differently from how I scroll through Instagram today. I admired works of fandom the way one appreciates springtime’s first flower, or the décor of a friend’s bedroom – I admired the stamp of individuality they bore and that inspired me to create something myself, to express my joys and sorrows, to be a part of the world.

RIP old websites

When I did put Harry Potter-inspired art out there, somewhere around age fourteen, it was of course in the form of fan fiction, writing being my weapon of choice. I wrote two one-shot pieces, one funny and the other sad — or such were my intentions, though perhaps the results were inverted. While some friends wrote longer stories, I never felt talented or inspired enough to commit, which is a typical self-doubting move of the kind I am trying to leave behind. (I now plan to write no matter how untalented and uninspired I may be.)

One piece was about a character of my own invention, a Slytherin guy with the requisite pure-blood, Dark magic-loving family, and a perky, ponytailed Huffelpuff girl on whom he develops an obsessive crush. It was intended to be a BBC-inspired mockery of the character, taking all the gloomy sexiness of the Dramione universe and making it ridiculous. It was also a thorough exploration of really wanting to make out with somebody sitting in the same classroom as you, not that I’d know anything about that myself.

The other short story was a sincere ode to the books and an exploration of some of their core questions on death and loss. It followed Harry in an imagined scene that takes place (SPOILER ALERT lol) after Dumbledore’s death in the Half-Blood Prince. Harry is climbing the steps to the Owlery with a package in his hand, thinking over his relationship with Dumbledore. As I wrote, I found that I absolutely had to include excerpts from a fairly unexpected source, a chapter in the first and most overlooked of the Harry Potter books. The chapter is “The Mirror of Erised,” whose titular object reveals to the onlooker their deepest desire.

“Professor Dumbledore. Can I ask you something?”

“Obviously, you’ve just done so,” Dumbledore smiled. “You may ask me one more thing, however.”

“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”

“I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks.” Harry stared. “One can never have enough socks,” said Dumbledore. “Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”

It was only when he was back in bed that it struck Harry that Dumbledore might not have been quite truthful.

In my story, Harry gazes out at the Forbidden Forest for a little while, wondering who Dumbledore had been behind the mask of calm wisdom and pondering the burden of those left alive and grieving. Harry then ties the package he’s been holding to Hedwig’s arm and sends her off, chuckling a little through tears. In the last line it is revealed that – OMG – he has just sent off a pair of thick, woolen SOCKS. To DUMBLEDORE. Even though Dumbledore is DEAD. Isn’t that profound?

Two years later, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released, and to my complete surprise, it delved deep into some of the questions about Dumbledore that had tumbled out of me, stream-of-consciousness-like, in the story I wrote. The text even includes part of the above excerpt from “The Mirror of Erised”. At the outset of Deathly Hallows, Harry learns that Dumbledore’s childhood was a difficult one, the true details of which remain murky and contested by his admirers and critics. Harry regrets never having asked Dumbledore about his past, but recalls that, after all, the one personal question he had asked Dumbledore was not answered honestly…

While writing my story, I had imagined Harry’s pain and longing to know Dumbledore better. Because fan fiction allowed me to externalize my interpretation of the text, the questions in my mind took on concrete form. Their answers, when the next book presented them, became all the more striking and emotionally impactful. It was as though I had written a letter to the series of books that had shaped me and received, in a way, a gentle but meaningful response.

In 2004, JK Rowling released a statement about the phenomenon of fan fiction. She was flattered by fans’ desire to write about her characters, and her only caveats were that fan fiction should remain suitable for children (unfortunately that ship had already sailed, and Water was truly the least of it), as well as a non-commercial activity so that fans’ creative pursuits would remain unexploited. Other authors have not been as accepting, and have asked for fan fiction based on their work to be removed from popular websites. After all, in our current world, a story is classified as property. A sentence, a verse, a character’s name, can belong to someone the same way as the furniture in their house and the dollar figure in their bank account.

In the long history of storytelling, however, ownership is a relatively recent idea. Bear with me while I make an analogy – in pre-industrial Britain, every town had a commons, an area of land where anyone could gather firewood, take their cattle to graze, or hunt and fish to supplement a year of poor harvest. Storytelling has historically functioned as a kind of commons of ideas, one that anyone could pull from when the time came to tell a tale. Want to warn your kid against going near a well? Tell them about the hungry demon that lives in it. Were you hired to entertain a crowd at a wedding? Maybe you dust off an old poem about a prince and princess who meet one evening in the forest but spend years apart, not knowing each others’ true identity until it turns out they were betrothed all along.

Nobody invented well-dwelling monsters or estranged lovers for the first time – they simply existed in a shared cultural space, available when needed (or when it was particularly enjoyable to use them), ready to be shaped into something new and old at the same time. Even today, no one questions the use of familiar tropes in books and movies; we know that all storytelling involves a certain amount of borrowing and repetition, and we deem this acceptable as long as the storyteller has put an adequately original spin on the themes they utilize. The legal line is drawn once you get to the particulars – character names, or sentences and dialogue. These must be brand spanking new if you want to avoid a lawsuit and getting dropped by your publishers. (Does anyone else remember How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life?)

But for thousands of years, people told and re-told stories of beloved and familiar characters, not just unnamed archetypes – characters like Odysseus and Arjuna, Gilgamesh and King Arthur. The Sanskrit Mahabharata (Maha-BHA-rata) an epicly long, genre-defying story from South Asia, especially challenges the idea of a single, canonical text (much like other ancient story traditions from the subcontinent). It was told so many times by so many people that modern-day folks are not always able to agree on what the Mahabharata even is. The story is like a vast ocean — recognizable to all, but appears different depending on where you happen to be standing.

In the 20th century, some scholars collected Mahabharata manuscripts from all over the subcontinent, extracted the most commonly occurring parts to form a text, and detailed the many variations of each verse in footnotes that turned out longer than the text itself. No one can quite agree whether to treat this resulting (multi-volume) “Critical Edition” as the essential Sanskrit Mahabharata tradition, or as some kind of strange, post-colonial Mahabharata scrapbook. All this so that whenever somebody wrote an essay about the story, there was a single text, pieced together as it was, to use as a point of reference. (My Bachelor’s thesis was one of the lesser works of this scholarly genre.)

The plot of the Mahabharata goes like this: The five Pandava brothers, namely the prone-to-gambling leader Yudhishthira, morally-conflicted archer Arjuna, lovable beefcake Bhima, and something-to-do-with-horses twins Nakula and Sachdeva, along with their badass wife Draupadi, are exiled from their kingdom and forced into a year of disguise after a rigged dice game that Yudhishthira loses, and in which Draupadi is stripped and humiliated before a hall full of men. Eventually the Pandavas regain what they lost through a bloody war that leaves both sides devastated and questioning the point of all this conflict. The End.

Does my summary reflect my biases a little bit? For somebody else, the Pandavas might be perfect heroes, Draupadi a whiny ungrateful shrew who won’t stop yelling at them. To me, she is the moral backbone of the Pandavas, unafraid to call for what she feels is right even as everyone around her takes the coward’s way out of trouble.

Interpretations of Draupadi from various traditions

But it’s not just me who has a take on the story: the Mahabharata itself reflects a range of interacting and conflicting views, which might indicate that people from various backgrounds heard it and were able, in some way, to influence it. For example, although the text generally upholds hierarchies of caste and gender, it also pulls at the listener’s heartstrings with stories of characters who must confront these oppressive norms.

There’s Amba, who is stolen from her future-husband at her wedding and rejected by him when she manages to return; she later chooses to be re-born as a man in order to kill her kidnapper in battle. There’s Ekalavya, the talented archer from a forest tribe who trains with the Pandavas in youth and asks to prove his devotion to his archery guru any way he can; the guru, who favors the upper-caste prince Arjuna, asks Ekalavya to cut off his right thumb. There’s Kunti, who finds herself pregnant after an illicit affair with a god and places her baby, Karna, in a river; Karna is adopted by a lower-caste charioteer couple and goes on to fight against Kunti’s legitimate sons in the great battle that destroys the universe. And there’s Satyavati, whose husband/baby daddy pretends not to recognize her in front of his kingly court but gets completely schooled on how not to be an asshole.

“You know very well [who I am], your majesty; why do you say that you don’t, lying like a common man? Your heart knows the truth, and knows your lie. A man who does something wrong thinks, ‘No one knows me,’ but the gods know. If you do not do what I ask, your head will burst into a hundred pieces.” She discoursed at length on the reasons why a man should honor his wife, quoting the dharma texts.

(from The Ring of Truth: And Other Myths of Sex and Jewelry by Wendy Doniger)

Perhaps, among the traveling bards and indulgent grandmas who told the Mahabharata over centuries, there were some who identified or empathized with the pain of oppression and through whom otherwise-marginalized voices could ring out into the millennia.

The many Mahabharatas, along with the many conversations inside the Mahabharata, illustrate how the human imagination is prolific and messy, not content with merely absorbing information but impelled to remake, to take inspiration, to create, create, create. Isn’t that what happens when we read? We see the world we are reading about in our own way. We make up something in our own head as we go along, and that’s where the entertainment lies. The book itself is but a wonderful tool.

Perhaps if I had a right-wing patron who paid me to tell stories, I would tell the Mahabharata a little differently from how I do here, focusing on how the Pandavas were self-made men or how the ethnic minorities they killed were thieving encroachers. Or if I were telling the story to children, I might leave out anything particularly frightening. In the telling of a story, the will and whims of the teller have influence, as do those of the listener (or reader) and the financial benefactor (or publishing house).

What remains inevitable, however, is that rarely is a story told the same way twice. Even in our post-printing press, post-internet world, where stories are replicated identically again and again, we continue to dissect, analyze, and change them, whether it be through everyday conversations, online forums, or the prestige lens of a critic’s review. (A perfect example is the adaptation of works from one medium into another, be it from literature to film or from film to theater.) Sometimes the authors themselves continue to tweak and interpret their work – Virginia Wolf was known to make changes to her books prior to reprinting, and we all know that JK Rowling can’t leave the Potter universe well enough alone (love you Jo!).

For me, fan fiction is a grand storytelling and textual tradition not entirely unlike the Mahabharata. Fan fiction not only illustrates the malleable, generative nature of stories, it also provides a rare space, in our capitalist global economy, for storytelling to be that malleable, generative thing it has always been. It allows for democratic engagement in the storytelling traditions of our time, free from the boxes of profit and ownership. It lets us expand the possibilities of our collective imagination. Importantly, it allows voices from the margins into the story, where our canonical texts routinely fail us.

I’m also thankful to fan fiction for being a rare space, outside overpriced college English classes, where literary discussion can thrive. When I say discussion, I don’t mean mere binary criticism – like book reviews, or the Goodreads star rating-aggregates that help determine book sales. I mean questions about how a text makes you feel, what it reflects or critiques about our world, the things that literary characters, beloved and abhorred, may teach us about our shared humanity and flawed choices. And yes, some of these conversations involve Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy as co-Heads of Hogwarts, using the same bathroom.

Are you a reader or writer of fan fiction? Have you you dabbled in fan art? Or do you engage in a non-online form of fandom, like a book club? Please share!

Thanks for reading.

[gaycousinlarry]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

1. List of works published this year:

If the story is part of a series or a challenge I’ve put the name of the series/challenge in parenthesis.

In the order that they were posted

Them Butterflies (Them Butterflies)

Moments of Memories

You light up the room (short fics & drabbles)

They don’t know (short fics & drabbles)

Just for you (short fics & drabbles)

Follow the sun (short fics & drabbles)

Flutter of a Butterfly (Them Butterflies)

sun kissed (short fics & drabbles)

Hot Guy (short fics & drabbles)

Remind Me Again

the sun comes back up

a night like this (daydreams are made of this)

a day like a dream (daydreams are made of this)

It’s halftime. Are you ready to go? (50 reasons to Have Sex Larry Fic Fest)

deck the halls with boughs of holly (Larry Winter Drabble Challenge)

The rest under the cut <3

2. Work you are most proud of (and why): Them Butterflies will always have a very special place in my heart. It was the first fic I wrote/posted and that was a huge step for me. I also think it, in a way, set a tone for who I am as a writer lol. It gave me the courage to keep writing, to see what I’m good at and what I need to work on. I’m also so in love with the characters from this verse, I still think about them all the time.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why): Okay I’m going to be obnoxious now, but I’m sort of ridiculously proud of everything that I’ve written? Not because I think they’re all perfect or even particularly good, but because it was something I wrote and even if I don’t like it, it’s helped me get better. I do worry about what people will think of my writing and I always hope people will enjoy it. But I think I’ve never had too high expectations on my own writing because I literally just started writing a year ago and I’m still amazed that I write at all and that I love it so much haha.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from Moments of Memories. These two break and mend my heart in equal parts and in some strange sort of way I feel honoured to have written about them.

And it’s so much more than Harry ever imagined. Because he always dreamed of butterflies in his stomach, shaky breaths and soft lips, and it is all that, but also calloused hands holding his face delicately, tears welling up in two pairs of eyes and lips wobbling into wide grins of equal parts disbelief and elation. His fingers find the deep lines at Louis’ temples, wiping at the wetness collected there and he thinks that from now on he doesn’t want to miss a single tear.

They break apart and breathe in the same air. Share another moment containing hundreds of moments, but this time it consists of moments that never were. Kisses never shared, tearful eyes that never had the opportunity to find comfort and understanding in each other. It is years spent apart that wore down their hearts and shrivelled their thoughts.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received: I don’t think I can pick one. There are people who’ve told me my writing makes them cry, that it’s one of their favourite fics, that I’ve moved them and that they come back to read my stories again and again. I have no words to describe how much every single comment means, especially if someone take the time to say why they enjoyed the story. Okay now I’m weepy so I better stop.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard: I struggled quite a bit with Remind Me Again at times because the story was so intuitive to me and it’s difficult to get that to make sense to other people. I knew the feeling I wanted to get across, knew why things were happening the way they were, but the characters didn’t always make sense and sometimes it felt like I was swimming in an ocean of jumbled messy EMOTIONS that made no sense outside my own head. Thank to the gods Nic was there to pull my out of it. Over and over. And over again.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I would say… no? The stories don’t always end up the way I thought they would, but I think they very rarely surprise me. I guess Remind Me Again was more of a continuous stream of revelations though haha. More like things falling into place than coming out of left field? I dunno.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year: Oh my god. I became a writer this year hahaha! I learned that all these thoughts and feelings (cheers to that if you don’t need them!) that I’ve carried around with me my whole life can be put down and other people can read it and enjoy the things that I’ve kept locked up for so long? Amaze.

What has helped me the most is HANDS DOWN working with the most incredible beta in the world, Nic @louandhazaf . She puts words to the mess that is the thoughts in my head and makes me sit down and think about why a character does something. She makes me see that sometimes less is more. Sometimes more is definitely more so why the frick aren’t I showing that? She makes me think more like a storyteller and a writer rather than just someone vomiting feelings into a computer.

9. How do you hope to grow next year: I’d like to get better at what I already think is my strength, which is stories that are emotionally/character driven. To understand that it’s okay to write like that, but that it also doesn’t mean it has to be all over the place heh.

I would however like to get better at world building and maybe, at least a little bit, dip my toes into more plot based stories…. okay that will literally never happen who am I kidding. I guess what I’d like is to get better at using the surroundings and symbols, to try to be more structured even when it comes to things beyond timelines and scenes.

I just want to keep writing and find new stories to write and characters to fall in love with and discover my own writing while doing that. I still feel extremely new to the process of writing so. I think I should be kind to myself and just let me enjoy it haha.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): NIIIIIIICCCC! <33333 I literally could never thank her enough. The thought and the time she’s put into helping me, to make my writing make sense to myself, to push me and question me and make me annoyed at myself because I kind of sort of already knew that didn’t make sense but I didn’t CARE and now she’s pointing to the mess and asks What is this? Why is it? but THEN we get to the best part which is when her questions makes me think and then new inspiration hits and all I want to do is write write write. I cannot believe my luck to have found you and get to call you my friend on top of that. Miracles and all that.

I also have to say, I read so much fic and this fandom has so much of it that is absolutely mind blowingly spectacular. I think reading is one of the best ways to become a better writer because it sort of… stretches out your mind and it makes you think about why that writer made you belly drop to the bottom of the ocean with just one word. God I love the writers of this fandom so incredibly much, your words mean so much to me, both as a writer and as a like... human being.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I have read and related to m/m fic since I was very young. It’s been a way for me to escape reality but also find comfort in characters that are more like me than heteronormative mainstream stories. Then this year I started reading f/f and my world tilted off its axis and put a billions thoughts in my head that I thought I was done dealing with a thousand years ago. Then I sat down and wrote girl direction myself and yeah. Gods I love girls.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Honestly the fact that you’ve written anything at all is AMAZING. Every single word you put on that page is wonderful. If you don’t let yourself explore and need everything to be perfect from the start, it won’t be fun and you’ll never learn more. You learn by making mistakes and just writing, no matter what it is. Betas, editing and rewriting are the magical words.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: -Oh gosh. I’m reaaaally looking forward to posting my Hope Floats AU that will probably come out in January. I have worked on it since this summer and it’s made me sweat and cry and laugh. Cannot wait to show it to you guys and I’m so happy @curleduphl is doing amazing artwork for it <3

-I’ll continue writing my girl direction series. I have the next part planned out, I just need to… write it.

-I have a “summer nights” fic that I hope to write. They’re teenagers and it’s summer and Louis skates at the park every night and Harry cannot stop staring. I already have a playlist for it soooo… haha.

-Louis babysits Harry’s cat and has a deep and meaningful conversation with the cat about his feelings for her Papa.

-Omega/Omega fic. I love ABO fics and I’ve had this idea forever. I hope I can gather up the guts to actually write it. Friends to lovers and ridiculous amounts of pining.

-I would also like to write a snippet from the Them Butterflies series. They are at a lake house with their friends and Harry has been really quiet over the past few days.

-THE INCREDIBLE AMAZING IDEA THAT WILL COME TO ME ANY SECOND NOW

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I don’t know if you’ve been tagged before but I’d love to read this from @haloeverlasting @rosegoldhl @indiaalphawhiskey <3333

[nichetales-archived]

About Me As A Writer

Tagged by @shitabukenjirou ~ <3 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? Foxyena and FoxyenaArts is my name for all platforms. It makes me easy for commissioners to find, and dates back to my years doing furry art commissions, which is also where the name originates. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

Well, the most hits & kudos is Skipping Practice with nearly 17k hits and ~630 kudos, but Courtship of the Owl has the most subscriptions and bookmarks. 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

The same as the one I use here. I tend to only use one icon for all sites at once, and I love Matsukawa + glasses and smoking aesthetic so~ 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I do! I don’t know most of their tumblr usernames, but there certainly are a few lovely people I am always excited to see comments from. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Honestly, there’s a few. I reread fics a lot, but my favorite that I find myself always coming back to is  Lust and Lies by DeathBelle aka @worthlesspride. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I currently have 253 bookmarks and 223 subscriptions. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I don’t have a particular AU. I have ~50 fics in progress and aside from those in a series, they vary from Transhumanism/Cyborg AU to cute lil’ Coffee Shop AU. I actually try really hard to have variety. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

348 Subscriptions and 525 Bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I have a TenSemi fic titled Human Juice that is literally nothing but all of my kinks out in the open and I’m so sorry for anyone who chooses to read that whenever I release it. It has everything from Erotic Electrostimulation to Blood Play and more. So much more. If you wanna know more about it, feel free to ask I guess lol.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Fluff and just.. happy things. I thrive on painful/angsty/poetic forms of writing and I struggle with just letting them be happy for once. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Both! Right now my posted works are mostly popular ships for main ship, but I have dozens of fics in the works for rare pairs like MatsuKuro, GoshiShira, SemiSuga, OiYama, and more. Courtship of the Owl even has Komori/Konoha in it. 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

Only 9, but that is about to change real soon ‘cause Avery here has no self control and can’t write just one fic at once apparently. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

63 total. 7 of them are for YOI, and the rest are all Haikyuu!!

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I write down all of them. My process actually starts with coming up with a title and creating a premise and theme around the title of the fic. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yessir! I have co-authored 2 works with @tettsuroo, though one is not complete yet. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

I honestly don’t remember. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Absolutely not. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

nnnnoooo? 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Several, but most notably was @worthlesspride, @tettsuroo, and @kaiyouchan.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Learn from other authors. Pay attention to what you like about their works and learn from your peers. Don’t be afraid to reach out, make friends, and create a network of support around you. Learn from others, but always be you. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I’ve done both. Courtship of the Owl has a 22 page outline detailing everything that happens in it, while Petals of Pining never had an outline at all. One-shots normally don’t get outlines either. Just lengthy, detailed multi-chapters that have complex plots and subtle details/foreshadowing. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Yes, I have. Someone who I had read and commented on their work supportively commented on one of mine; they disagreed with the ending I wrote and tried to “fix” it, telling me what should have happened and ending the comment saying something similar to “now all is right with your world”.  I simply commented stating I had revoked any and all support/comments/bookmarks of their work and that I didn’t want to associate with someone who thought that was appropriate behavior. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

I struggle with scene transitions sometimes. How does one get from point A to point B... 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

You Can See My List of Current Projects Here But Courtship of the Owl and my Secret Santa ficlet + art is my primary focus atm. That list is roughly in priority order. Roughly.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I mean... have you seen my Current Projects list? 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Mm not really. I try to at least work on something daily, though. The amount may vary depending on how strenuous my job was that day or if I had time to be on the computer or if I was writing on my phone. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Sometimes I wanna vomit when I read work that I wrote only a few months ago so I would assume so, yes. 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Demons Wear Contacts.  It’s not released yet, but it’s a Demon!Matsukawa MatsuHana fic. I’ve never had so much fun writing before. The fic is in Makki’s perspective, and will be my next multichapter fic after Courtship of the Owl is done. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

My early works, especially the YOI ones. I had never really written before and while I’ve still only been writing for about a year now, they make me cringe so hard. I’ve been thinking about orphaning them, honestly. 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Probably doing the same thing I am now, maybe for a new fandom.  I hope to do more zines though. I’ve quite enjoyed those. 

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

For me, it’s sensations. I love writing what people feel, the emotions, the sensations of touch, taste, see, etc. Or planning. I’m really good at plannin’ stuff. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Finding the time and energy to dedicate to doing it. Also writing fluff. I’m so bad at writing happy things, you guys. 

33. Why do you write?

It’s something I enjoy, and it’s another way I can be part of a community, a network of people who enjoy what I do and I can build friendships with. 

Tagging: @tettsuroo, @worthlesspride, @madamemalfoy21, @hajiiwa, @rhealmobsidi, @quinnlocke, @crown-of-winterthorne, @aizawa-shoutas, @mystictrashheap