#i'd shiv his ass too

[gregoftom]

i’m speechless

[empressofmankind]

Challenge - What'd They Shit Buy To Heckle Their Better Half

I was bored and low on creative juice today, so I did one of my other favourite things and that is hanging around stores pretending to be out shopping for, or with, one of the permanent renters living inside my head.

And then I thought, maybe that'd be a fun challenge? It's kind of like a moodboard, but for the funnies. A heckleboard??

Step 1: Go to one of those general stores that has a little bit of everything (or go to multiple stores if you like, I do, but I live in a walkable city centre). Step 2: Think of one of your current favourite ships. Step 3: Pretend to be one of the ship's characters Steps 4: Photograph 5 items they would shit buy to heckle their better half Step 5: Post it and tag me! And tag new peeps!

Here's mine, for Croc 🐊 x Shivs 🗡. And it's Shivs dropping these items on his credit card statement for shits and giggles.

She'd absolutely wear that hat, doesn't matter it's > 25C in Arabasta. Style over comfort, and all that.

Also, I literally wheezed at the pistol-shaped hair comb. I am pretty sure he always has a comb on him? And I can see her give him that, because lol. Wouldn't you? I would. I'd happily die for it too. I wonder if he'd secretly like it, haha. It does market to a certain demographic.

They're nice, and it's the bait to throw him off of completely losing his shit over the rest of the absolutely shit-faced purchases.

She bought that game because she wants to beat his ass at it? They'd go so gdamn hard playing that. Don't play monopoly with them either. Guns come out.

And baby Benji always needs new toys. That's not even up for discussion. He'd be fine with this one, I think.

Go for it, nerds - @tiredemomama, @momodwriter, @littlemountainwolf, @fanaticsnail, @bronsterbash, @ruledbyproblematique, @swirlsofblackandwhite, @gingernut1314

[kithtaehyung]

I have this question for all the 3tan boys ; what do y'all do for work?

We have know idea about what vmin does and shiv too We know bro work in corporate but what's his field 😏

And really wanna know what yoongi has been doing before he join the studio 🫣 I mean he got that nice apartment and all so I'm sure he had bills to pay and his music career seem to be just starting now so…..what did he do all these years

Bro: How do y'all know? Shiv (scoffs): Like you don't talk about your shit all the time. Taehyung (hums): Jimin (laughs, points): He's always the first one to say it. Bro: Hey, I worked my ass off! Give me this. Jimin: I'd say mine, but.. Taehyung (hand in palm): No spoilers. Jimin: Yeah, yeah. I don't think Yoongi and I can say. Yoongi (hums): Mine's coming up, too. Bro: Tae, you're still working at that boba shop, yeah? Taehyung (nods): That and studying still. Jimin (grinning, side-eyeing): And Shiv works in tech. Shiv (face in palm): Ugh, I didn't wanna say it. Jimin: Why not? You make bank! Bro: Yeah, dude. You make more than me and do a lot less. Fucker. Shiv: First of all. (ignoring the laughs) I do a lot more than you think. Yoongi: Yeah? Says who? Shiv (pauses): Shiv: It's a lot of hours- Everyone (laughs): Bro (points thumb): He's got it made but just doesn't wanna say it. Shiv (sighs): Shiv (shrugs): Pretty much.

--

3tan ask/tell requests: open!

[sunflowerdigs]

It’s kinda crazy to me that Roman was unanimously chosen as the worst person in the world after last episode because “Kendall was at least conflicted” as if he doesn’t have a whole ass daughter of colour?

When with Roman the whole thing is that he likes Mencken The Person, and Mencken likes him or at least chooses him multiple times and everything else pales in comparison. Shiv and Ken both say pretty things but they never do shit. And again, Kendall has a daughter of colour. Yet somehow that’s enough for the audience. I’m not interested in justifying terrible actions with tragic backstories but the way no one is remotely interested in looking at Roman as at more than a caricature, but Kendall and Shiv’s righteous act is enough to earn them all the sympathies.

It's really interesting how much credit the audience gives these characters for going through the motions of decency but ultimately not doing the decent thing. For instance, people started to become more sympathetic towards Roman in 4x01 when he was critical of the Pierce acquisition because of how wasteful the sibling were being monetarily...but he ultimately went through with spending too much in the same episode. Kendall gets a lot of credit for feeling sad about the waiter (to the point where folks actually become angry at Logan for making Kendall face the kid's family, which I'd argue is one of the few decent things Logan has done, even if his motives were shakey), but his sadness didn't lead to any concrete action beyond stuffing some money in a mailbox. The kid is still officially dead because he was driving high and ran his car off the road. Similarly, Shiv gets a lot of credit for being left leaning and saying that she wants to clean up WR, but she has never acted on that claim; in fact, on her first day in the office, she joked about buying a Tanzanian mining company. She'll play politics with either side - she proposed a very electable Reagan Republican to Logan in 3x06 because it would have benefited her.

Idk, I don't really have a larger point here. I guess maybe this kind of stuff is rewarded by the audience because we're watching characters in a story, so the more they hesitate or wallow the more transparent they become and the more we understand them. Roman's lack of waver on things makes him more difficult to get. But still. It's interesting.

[tomwambsgans]

I can’t find the post for the life of me but on reddit I saw somebody talking about homophobia in succession and interestingly the person with the second most homophobic comments (after surprise surprise Logan) was Shiv. I just wanted to know your thoughts on this I’m conjunction to tomgreg and in general Shiv and her self characterisation as “woke”

idk if it's the same post you were trying to find but i made a post about that too

my take on WHY it's shiv who is the most guilty of overt homophobia after logan is tbh quite simply that shiv has the most to gain from it. there's a lot of posts on here about gender in succession which i think essentially sum up the way that shiv is kind of required to be "one of the guys" or at least "the good kind" of woman in order to have logan's approval. shiv really is the most like logan in many ways and she's learned from him how to have power over men: it's to deny them their own masculinity. and homophobia is the main way a woman can do that to a man.

shiv's personal "wokeness" i think comes exclusively from her womanhood and basically all the ways she fails to get logan's approval or otherwise have power in a room full of men, because those supposed values are enthusiastically eschewed the moment that she has power. i think this same thing in essence happens with basically every character of course, like with kendall's own very performative feminism and supposed respect for women that he revokes the moment it benefits him personally to be misogynistic. and that's basically ALL it is - that they do what benefits them. sometimes it benefits shiv to be the moral voice of reason in the room bc she has nothing to lose otherwise and it's retaining a sense of superiority at the least. and certainly some things she does sincerely believe are wrong, like mencken being elected president, and in fact most of the main cast clearly thinks so but roman who is a lot more naive, politically. speaking of, there's then the fact that shiv has a career in all this so she's especially aware, basically, about how fake it kinda is. she's a classic rich democrat. that's simply the default horse she's chosen because it works for her.

as for how it relates to tomgreg... i'd say it obv firstly relates to tom and the fact that tom is shiv's partner because he's safe. and a huge part of tom being safe is frankly that he's gay. i don't think shiv is very consciously aware of this (but i don't think she's utterly oblivious either) but it's no coincidence that she's with a guy who's submissive and effeminate and also clearly insecure about those things. and it's not JUST that his lack of objectifying desire is safe, but also that it makes him easy for her to control him, and the thing with shiv is that quite like her dad she needs to have someone around to control.

now shiv being this way def overlaps with tomgreg specifically, since like tom's repression is linked to his stifling homophobic environment and shiv is a part of that, but i think that's one thing that shiv doesn't really know about. i think she has thoughts about gay little cousin greg, and they're all probably along the lines of just, yeah that's cousin greg and he seems pretty gay, whatever. if she has ever had a real whiff of tomgreg (prior to accusing them of double-teaming girls together) i doubt that it was along the lines of tom's desire and much more likely that she saw gay cousin greg sidling up to her man. and even then i really don't think it was on her mind. i think she saw tom having a weird relationship with greg and didn't mentally factor any desire in there, but just saw masculine posturing and respected it, maybe? like tom needs some outlet after being submissive to her and she prob knows that much.

but actually that does make me think of how homophobia in succession is almost always akin to a greek sort of bottomphobia, like being gay is bad because it takes away your manhood, it's the bad thing to take it in the ass or to suck cock, etc - almost never the reverse. the one instance of the reverse that i can think of is when logan is accusing kendall of trying to fuck the waiter in the sense that gay desire is predatory. that's of course the dichotomy of (male) homophobia, that it asserts either an unforgivable personal gender or the perversion that makes you ruin others. but the latter is as self-contradictory as manhood itself is and not nearly as pervasive as it used to be. the latter doesn't interfere with one's manhood at all and that's really what's at stake in the world of succession. logan is just an old, old dinosaur who will whip out any ol' homophobia as long as it gets his sons under his control.

anyway i think shiv could be driven to whip out similar accusations to hurt tom (and the "i hear you fuck models now" stuff did kinda feel along that vein) but isn't very likely to. funnily enough i think she wouldn't even know exactly how much that sort of thing would hurt him on the basis alone of making implications about greg.

[pynkhues]

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Thanks so much for tagging me @entwinedloop! This was fun to do, and it was so fun to read yours! I have an alarming amount of Succession fic in my last ten (truly did not realise I'd written this many, haha). SO:

Our Endless Numbered Days (Beth x Rio, Good Girls)

“You cannot be serious,” Ruby says, exasperated, and it’s enough for Annie to start backpedaling even before she’s finished. “They were together for nine years.”

2. Despicable Animals (Gen fic, Succession)

The night after she slits her brother’s throat, feels her inheritance wrenched from her grip, watches her husband get crowned king through clear, unvarnished glass, Shiv dreams of DC.

3. Unsprouted (Gen fic, Succession)

“Nina, they’re too - -” Kendall blinks rapidly, suddenly tongue tied, his fingers pulling at the rubber strap of his goggles, trying to loosen the suction around his eyes, and he thinks they’ll leave big red circles there again like they did at Marco’s birthday party. 

4. Stay Soft, Get Eaten (Gen fic, Succession)

“Can I take your bag, sir?”

5. Whatever Gets You Through the Night (Gen fic, Succession)

“Ow, fuck,” Roman bites, wincing dramatically as Connor rolls his eyes, offers up a half-assed watch it as he presses the balled-up washcloth to his youngest brother’s split lip.

6. Bear the Cost (Gen fic, Succession)

Here’s how it happens:

Your father dies, and everything’s on you.

7. I Might Be Great Tomorrow (but hopeless yesterday) (Chrissy x Eddie, Stranger Things)

Thing is, he wasn’t lying when he said he thought it was pretty cool.

8. Nymphaea (Anthony x Kate, Bridgerton)

It’s strange, she thinks, her breath catching when Anthony’s fingers tentatively brush the scar at the base of her head, the things that simply do not cross a mind until they happen.

9. A Foreign Sound to Your Ear (Gen fic, Succession)

So they go back to Kendall’s villa.

10. Acid Tongued and Serpent Toothed (Naomi x Tabitha, Succession)

After her mom dies, Naomi loses a year.

In terms of patterns, I tend to start with either a bit of dialogue or a bit of action? It's not really a conscious choice, I think I just like dropping people into a moment as that tends to be how stories come to me. There are a few outliers to that though! Both I Might be Great Tomorrow and Acid Tongued start more with a bit of reflection. I do think I tend to do that more with stories that are designed to be longer though, and given those are the only two that aren't one shots on here - - yeah, it checks out, haha.

Tagging: @nakedmonkey @carry-the-sky @foxmagpie @bethsuglywigs @mego42, if you fancy.

[purpleplaid17]

Jess Watches // Mon 11 Dec // Day 80 Synopses & Favourite Scenes & Poll

Person of Interest (rewatching with mum) 5x10 The Day the World Went Away

Finch's number comes up when his cover identity is blown and sets off a deadly series of encounters with Samaritan's operatives.

I'd forgotten it didn't happen right at the end of s5, but as soon as she got in the shot-up car with Harold, I knew what was coming :'''( [ plays Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve ]

Survival of the Thickest (with mum) 1x08 For a Bigger Purpose, Bitch. (Season Finale)

A tense dinner puts Khalil in the hot seat. While throwing a special teen prom, Mavis gets caught in a predicament and must decide what her heart wants.

One of the best under-30-minute shows I've watched this year. Heartwarming, uplifting, inspirational, motivational. So much to appreciate. The main trio's friendship was so loving and supportive. And the representation being written with so much care and never once feeling like tokenism was a much needed breath of fresh air. Would highly recommend.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 3x06 Band Candy

Adults throughout Sunnydale behave like immature teenagers after they eat cursed candy.

Ripper Giles was kinda hot, right? And Joyce too in that short skirt / long jacket combo. Maybe the Chuck theme song was about her? Also, there's a gifset [here] of Buffy and Cordy wearing coordinated jewellery and now I can't stop thinking about it.

The Lazarus Project 1x05 Episode 5

Trying desperately to keep the Lazarus Project off the scent, George tries to shift the suspicion from himself by making a longtime Lazarus employee the scapegoat.

How did Anjli memorize that long ass speech about Archie's educational background? I wonder how many takes it took. And how did George get the car out when in was firmly wedged in by the police car? Also, I'm not surprised Archie started to suspect Shiv of being the mole when she was at his flat. What kind of sociopath puts their bed in the middle of the room??

[bamboobrat]

recap for last nights episode is coming, but much like roman i, too, need some time to process first.

so how about we break down the new mid-season trailer in the meantime?

we start with a lil check in on the sibs. kendall can't sleep, shiv is already thinking of positioning and roman...

roman is fine!

as you can see, totally fine!

(he's not. he's sad, but he will only really tell gerri that)

greg continues to be a snake.

the distain the sibs have for greg is a vibe.

we get a little sneak peak into what will be the new lines of conflict now that logan is gone:

we all know who roman, deep down, really prefers.

looking great, kellman! get that CEO position!

tom, unsurprisingly, also throws his hat into the ring and karl straight up murders him on the spot.

"your wife doesn't even like you" is perhaps my favorite insult of all time.

gerri channeling ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

shiv has a drink with mattson and gives off major bisexual vibes.

what do we think of a possible mattson/shiv team up? i'm not opposed.

lukas rocking a "hey i am super rich but in a scandi, outdoorsy kind of way that looks comfortable and warm but costs more than your car" look. the scandinavian representation we deserve!

looks like we haven't reached the election yet, so we are, as i predicted, working with a very tight timeline this season

(not that we should start doing the timeline math with this show, i've heard it can make your brain explode)

prayer circle for connor's 1 percent, please.

but also, it seems like he might be gaining (sympathy votes post dad death?), because roman, on a mission from mencken, asks con to drop out.

for the good of the republic, of course.

too bad con doesn't give a shit.

we get a very short clip of kerry crying.

major vibe shift from last nights episode. does she find out logan has left her with nothing? is she pregnant? is it simply a sign that i am emotionally stunted because i can't understand perfectly normal expressions of grief?

perhaps.

RAVA!!!!

the chokehold this woman has on me.

and we've all seen the photos, right? things are looking ominous for kendall and his relationship with his kids, i'd say.

hbo promotion staff are dead set on giving me a heart attack putting this clip in there:

as if we didn't get enough sad romangerri fancams after the season three finale... good god, girlies, i don't know if i can handle any more.

on a positive note, lots of good fanfic coming our way, i guess:(

shiv gives us this little gem:

me on a work call with my boomer ass boss.

aaaaand we get another hug!!!

i'll admit it, i'm a sucker for a sibling hug. there may be hope for my cold, cold heart after all.

bonus: very brief clip of kendall swimming in the ocean. we do not like it when kendall gets near water. someone send help IMMEDIATELY!

[alexjcrowley]

I started watching Succession more than a year ago and, in the same night I saw the first episode, I published some insta stories in which I gave first impression on the characters. In honour of the first season, I am going to see how bad they aged.

- "Kendall: if Daddy Issues by The Neighbourhood was a song" AGED LIKE FINE WINE

- "Shiv: I haven't understood yet if I like her or not, but she is badass and this works in her favour" I do like her now and she is badass, so

- Roman Roy: "There's an evident resemblance of looks and disposition with Bully Maguire, I haven't seen this guy since Scott Pilgrim vs The World. A slimy bastard, I like it". I'll put pictures with this one to demonstrate I wasn't (completely) crazy with the Bully Maguire resemblance.

Also "slimy" aged a bit too well.

-Marcia "This show Catelyn Stark". I haven't even watch Game of Thrones, what was this about.

-Tom (please bear in my mind that I have a hate-hate relationship with Pride and Prenudice and I was operating fully on that hatred so I am so sorry Tom/Matthew I did you dirty for no reason): "I am ready to bet both my kidneys someone on Tumblr already defined him the daddy of this show" (couldn't be further from the truth there, he is a princess) "I'd like to remind the world this guy played that pain in the ass of Darcy in 2005 Pride and Prejudice. His characters make you want to slap him endlessly" (I actually used an untranslatable expression from my native language that is much worse) "CEO of second hand embarrassment" (well, that's true) "Nature's mistake" (I really want off, didn't I)

-Greg: "I bet my own life in the end he'll take the company, becomes CEO and will push to the ground every other character, coming from nothing he's going to fuck them all and I can't wait to see his social rise" Well I mean. I mean it's true.

-Connor: "I was almost forgetting about him" (now it hurts) "If Nestlé was a person" I don't take this back.

[lateral-org]

im doing all the fucking tag games tonight. Let's GO

Tagged by @beardedblack , ten tags ten characters ten fandoms. or whatever

Edward Teach. Our Flag Means Death. oh my god. he led me into my raccoon era and i am thankful. he is just like me for real.

2. Edward Nygma, specifically from fox's Gotham. This should be the only other Ed on this list but the night is still young. Autistic repressed theater gayboy. Everything i aspire to be and more. have you seen his sparkly suits. thank you. also i named my blog after him so he belongs on this list.

3. Martin Blackwood. The Magnus Archives. Shout out to the boy who helped me personify my depression(????) Lonely Avatars are the hottest bitches. thank you.

4. Shiv Roy. Succession. Oh my god. Ma'am? Ma'am. leave your husband and marry me instead. corrupt me with your capitalism. i couldn't change her but i'd let her change me. (honorable mentions of succession shoutout to tom greg and roman. but my girl shiv wins every time.)

5. Lalo Salamanca. Better Call Saul. He is the happiest unhinged person i've ever seen. im trying to bring that energy to the new year. remember that time he just. climbed into a ceiling. why did he do that??? unparalleled. adore him forever. (honorable mentions to jimmy and kim. y'all put the SLAY in relationship codependency)

6. Took me too long to get to CASTIEL SUPERNATURAL!!!! SPECIFICALLY FROM SEASON 4. just look at him . oh my god. cultural reset.

7. Katsuki Yuri. Yuri On Ice. I could have picked Vitya but there's something about my depressed little guy and his love for food that hits different. adore him endlessly.

8. Goro Akechi. Persona 5 Royal. Fuck this guy. I hate him so much. I want him dead. i want to keep him on a 4 foot leash. he's the love of my life. literally no character has sparked within me the feelings he has. love him forever. Light Yagami lookin ass. Encyclopedia Brown motherfucker. Ben Shapiro wannabe. Get out of my sight and into my bed

9. Power. Chainsaw Man. She is the queerest girl i've seen in my goddamn life oh my god i love her she's a feral gremlin child she's all the girls i hung out with in middle school do you see her walking around with her bra pads and her baggy jackets. gender.

10. Usagi Tsukino. Sailor Moon. She's the adhd girl representation i always needed as a child. thank you sailor moon for protecting innocence and femininity, you will never be overrated. also your fashion sense is still peak

Tag list: genuinely no pressure but this was really fun so have fun with it: @meanmisscharles @jacentric @vi-fallout @mysticaltragedyturtle @milkywayworm @twelves-guitar @colinthrobinson

[david-box]

Liveblog (but a day late ish) of Succession season 4 ep. 1

3:38 love how Shiv didn't kiss Kendall also is very clearly lying lol. Rome is so focuking rude it's hilarious. Wtf is their new venture are they trying to make a new media outlet??? And shiv is talking to Tom

They're already on to her lmao. Glad she's semi honest. Ajjajahw. "he's not a real junkie" ahhaha. Kendall is saying "don't bail on me I don't want to put effort into this and not have you reciprocating". Shiv really is into it.

Ohhh my god Logan is visually miserable. Hows it feel old man you motherfucker. He is not dating that woman still Jesus Christ. I mean good for her probably, damn, but what the fuck. What happened to the Italian princess Greg?? He's so clean shaven... Also "friend assistant and advisor" lol. Girl when. Her face is funny as hell also I love these actors. Is it "random fuck". Greg's face lol.

Shiv don't sound bored. Kendall is into it. Tom looking out for Shiv?? You alwars awkward awkward man. Paying with one hand. You're not being fair Shiv rn but I don't blame you also low blow with the st. Paul remark. Best response Tom. She's really freaking out damn. THEYRE STILL HERE AKHAHAHHA. Rome the only chill one here hahahhaa. The investor advisors walked off in separate directions. Aaannnnd Greg's gf snitched lol. They're paranoid. They have every reason to be. Oh those are their investors.

Connor is dressed like a president and the gf is insiding. Connor how broke are you, you're always worried about money. Who was Logan's first wife? Why is the Left going after them? Are they buying Pierce? Also the audacity to call them rats... And the side piece is literally just standing there. Logan doesn't know what Tom looks like when he lies. His awkwardness helps though imagine asking your FIL for marriage AND business advice. Logan looks so annoyed Toms ass sucking but I honestly think it helps and as much as Logan is annoyed that's exactly where he wants him to be. Tom killing Logan 2023 hashtag or whatever. Who hosts a party and waits for food??? They fucking rich people.

Two parties vying for Pierce is going to make the Gojo buyout easier because the Waystair side won't bother squeezing Connor out. Unless they just try harder and he has to pay more to stay lol. Roman the most mature one here. Kendall is being stupid. Who was walking in the background also they're just sitting there huh those Saudis or whoever lolll. They do kinda have a point tho.

Tom doesn't even wait to cut Greg down a 6 inch. And she's fucking recording??? Greg is too excited for their marriage thing. Greg is delusional. I wouldn't switch gears personally but I'd be anxious telling the other guys to keep waiting if they're even still there.

Logan has the world and isn't even happy. Right in front of her "hoop de hoop". Nan's family is a matriarchal version of Logan and Shiv is correct he has no patience but Nan's gonna be busy ain't he. Nan is funny also. I love the way Shiv dresses casually ahahha good lines. Kendall might honestly be better to go but Nan's picky and pickier than what's good. Oh fuck off Kendall its about Dad. And Rome is scared of conflict and I don't blame him also it would be funny if they can do it.

Why is he going you're my pal. You're mybest pal. What the fuck does this mean. This poor man. People are exonomic units??? Bro. Is he really thinking about marriage??? Bro. Gee I wonder why

People turn against you everywhere you go. He's getting old and finally feeling it. Only person he trusts isn't even family and business only.

Ahhahahhahhaha I didn't think Roman would repeattt thatttt ahahha. She looks so hurt :-(. That means he didn't ask. You can pop it back in your mouth now lolll. Who they calling. Oh Logan? Pierce is making calls huh I bet.

Connor is so excited for the wedding and it's gonna be bad if he pushes for more money or if he pushes for less I bet. I love this man. Get a rapper and jetpacks. Dude. Bumfuts. Oh it's about the election cycle. Poor Willa. She's trying. She'll do a lot for him huh.

Greg has the worst timing and Tom low-key thinks it's funny. Greg. No. She's crunchy peanut butter. Dude. The guest bedroo?? Dude. And he's really worried ahahaha. I think he's more amused Greg is scared and is mayyybbee fucking fucking with him. He's making him tell him this is so gross hahahaha.

Is this fucking Marthas vineyard? Italian themed Waystair rocyo? Do they realize Logan can just wait on the sale so they won't be able to buy her out? The sex implications with the headache is great. I think she's going to use it as leverage. Oh butter my beanpole ahahha. Tom saving his ass and isn't even needing to lie, everyone DOES know. He's got some fucked up machinations. Greg is worse off saying something than not. He hasn't eaten. He gave him candy. And he's just holding it. Ahahhaha. Shhshhahha the thumbs up. Lmao. Poor Greg. Poor poor Greg. Think of something better. I would not be honest. He really doesn't think about things critically, like, ever.

Who's the garbder? They're showing more servants today.

Logan smiled? What the fuck?? Tom is so right but he also clearly thinks its both funny and disgusting. Greg don't push it. Greg. Dude. Ahahah. God be willing. Nan thinks smiles and warm energy is important and is complaining about spending money. Interesting. Roy might be better for that than the kids. She's ruthless. Shiv is better for this than anyone else. Oh, but it's not wrapped up. It's fine :-)) come drink with me :-)). Don't curse. Kendall. Dude. She wants to drink? Take the offer to drink... Kendall it is not robust. What happened to Maine? I'm getting a divorce ahahhahaa okay damn. Kendall if you're gonna call her on the numbers don't be shitty. That was clever Roman.

Nobody tells jokes any idea so they. I'm saying Carl, it's a big dry in here. Do you have any jokes? Frank, start, be funny, abhahahahahahahahahahaa roast me dhshshhshshshs skanshshshs absghshshshhsjsjsjsjsjsjsh he can't even do it. That's not funny. Greg is too honest. Ahahhahaa "where are your kids?" AhahhahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaahhHahaha. Not a good retort there Logan sorry. So it is the money. Logan's mood is much better when he has something to do. He's going to win. But that's cus I got spoiled.

Roman is correct. 8 is bad. Oh ton don't pussy foot. "This is dusgusting :-)" lol. call your wife. Nan likes the bidding and they can't do 8.5. Tom hiding his face. They do not have 9.5. they go to 10 they lose. 10 is a lot. They don't have 10. And he's being loud. He's outvoted. Ouch. Shiv is so happy. She's gonna cry. Tom said 12 she fucked herself.

Congratulations on saying the biggest number. Romans not sure and they left. That's when the Gojo falls through innit? Lol. Or the lack of a divorce. They still living in the same house? Cute dog. Swear it's different from last year, lol. They don't even look at the accounts anymore. Oh, they still here. Tom still kinda trying to connect, he really does love her. Who wouldn't? Where's the disgusting brothers thing and Shiv is really trying to hurt him and she's hurt from it. And he's right to fire right tf back. Is Mondale even let out at night? Shiv is really, really upset. She doesn't want to move on but now she has an excuse to force herself so this is when the deal gets fucked and now she's divorced for no reason. Shiv doesn't wanna talk because she arguably did worse. No responsibility. Tom won't fight her and a small part of her wishes he did. Tom what the fuck ahahhahaa. Dude. What the fuck. He's genuine . He isn't but he is. I think Shiv would be happy just having him be there. They're so sweet together. My little cats. They do love eachother :-(. If only they could make it work.

Is Logan watching court dv? Or his own news? He's mad the reporters ugly. Wild. They actually won. Oh, new number.

[adammilligan]

the idea of adam coaxing michael into making a social media account is very funny to me because i don't think he would USE it and i don't think adam ever really uses it either because he spent one thousand years without technology and now the concept of social media is totally uninteresting to him. i think he just does it to get a laugh out of the fact that the archangel michael is now on social media. however despite the fact that michael doesn't ever actually get on his account i think gabriel finds out about it through some cosmic coincidence and makes HIMSELF an account just so he can hop into michael's dms and text him three thousand messages that all say "kill yourself"

[privatelife]

no but i have a pretty solid theory that succession is written with the sole purpose of making tumblr people woobify rightwing fuckheads. it only exists to own the libs

[cheelduh]

How to get Hit-listed by a Stonehide Lawachurl (High School AU!)

Part 6 of the highschool au

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Synopsis: Childe’s a menace to everyone when playing dodgeball. Even as his new girlfriend, you’re no exception to his affinity for raising hell during the most tranquil of circumstances.

Warnings: Swearing, bad humor, and absolutely horrid spelling mistakes.

Words: 5.3k

Note: Longest chapter yet sheeeesh 🗿

Negotiation is an art.

Childe, or "Tartaglia" has utilized the art of negotiations in his daily life. Whether that be scamming the ninth graders with fake weed, or convincing the teachers why he doesn't deserve detention for injecting random fluids from the chem department into the school's resident pet frog.

All in all, by becoming an expert in the field of negotiations, Childe is nothing if not a master, tongue silver and smooth as he takes on a new opponent.

Which is why he dutifully negotiates with you on this Monday morning in front of the History classroom, getting down on one knee and pulling out a—

"I hope to Barbatos you aren't proposing Childe," You hiss, panicked eyes landing on the velvet box he's pulling out. "Considering that we're sixteen and still in highschool."

As if remembering those meagre details, Childe gulps and shoves the box back into his pocket. "Uhhh yeah, I was just, tying my shoelaces?" It comes out as a question.

You let out a sigh of relief, overlooking how he undoes his shoe laces just to do them all over again.

The ring burns in his pocket as he gets back up.

"Why did you call me here?" You ask, hand on your hip, foot impatiently tapping. The tap tap tap isn't because of impatience though, it's because you need something to cover the nervous palpitations of your heart.

He gives you a vicious smile, sinister enough to shake the bones of anyone who's observing, opens his daring mouth to show the imaginary sharpness of his teeth. Then with the confidence of about a hundred shirtless tiktok boys, he finally demands:

"If you don't become my girlfriend, I will kill—"

"Yeah sure thing." You answer before he can finish, soft smile growing.

Childe chuckles evilly, "I knew you'd say that, but I've come prep—wait a minute." He snaps out of his villain origin phase, stumbles back a bit, then his eyebrows are furrowing in confusion. "Did you just say yes?"

You nod, cheeks flaring up. "Don't make me repeat it." Then you look away, too embarrassed to see his reaction.

For a second, Childe's internal conflict following the chain of this event causes him to temporarily malfunction, and all he can do it stare at you in amazement.

It's only when you tell him to stop staring and jump off the school roof is when he snaps out of his daze, a grin festering on his face.

He lunges straight at you, giving you no time to deflect him as he wraps his bone crushing arms around you, then lands a soft smooch on your forehead.

"Let go of me you idiot!" You barely wheeze out, light headed not only because of your lungs being squeezed like oranges, but also because of the sloppy kiss he's delivered so ungracefully.

He does so reluctantly, and you're unamused, wiping the stickiness off your forehead with a sleeve as he steps back.

"Ew what the fuck?" You say, glaring at him. "What's wrong with you?"

He completely ignores you, giddy with excitement. "Ah girly, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I can't wait to introduce you to my parents and eat lunch together and kiss each other during break—"

"Slow down." You tell him, as red as a tomato towards all his suggestions. "We've barely started dating."

"Oh," Childe stops momentarily, then nods in agreement. "You're right. We should start small. How about I walk you to class?"

"We're already in front of class." You nudge your head towards the classroom, and catch Zhongli and Venti peeking from the side of the door, trying not to be obvious.

You narrow your eyes at them threateningly.

Childe tugs your arm, lovingly looking you up and down. "Let's walk to class together anyways. In a circle."

A complete waste of time, yet it's impossible to say no to the face he's making.

Before you guys depart he suddenly stops, gasping loudly, remembers something important. "I have to make a quick phone call."

Childe speed dials Scaramouche, and the latter picks up annoyed, answers the phone with muffled sounds in the back. Something that sounds a bit like pleading and whimpering.

He then mutters something that forces dread into your system. "You can release the hostages."

You hear Scaramouche groan on the other end, muttering a "such a pain in my ass", but choose not to question it immediately.

As soon as the phone call is done and you're back by his side, you point at his phone questioningly. "What hostages Childe?"

He gives you a close eyed smile, taking the fifth.

"What hostages Childe?" You repeat again weakly.

—

First period goes by smoothly for the most part. Lisa, your so called best friend, once again is bought off like a corrupted politician by your new boyfriend. She sits far away from you, leaving you without any defences against the menace that dotes on you a bit too much.

Throughout class, all Childe does is score Venti's colourful pens, and then writes you annoying little love notes, using the expert origami skills he's learnt from Anthon to deliver them to you.

Despite the threat of distraction these notes pose, the corners of your lips can't help but tug upwards at his enthusiasm and attempt at poetry.

Zhongli makes sure not to ask you two any questions the entire class, leaving you to your own accord.

Lunch comes around soon enough, and your usual table of Diluc, Jean, Kazuha, and Lisa is disturbed by the torpedo that is Childe, and he brings collateral with him.

Kaeya whole-heartedly ceases the opportunity to sit near his stoic statue of a brother purely with the intention to annoy the premature crap out of him, but one look from the redhead sends the chicken-shit right back where he came from.

When Childe forcefu—lovingly feeds you the smiley fries and dinosaur nuggets his stunning mom packed him, Diluc looks just about ready to hurl.

Lisa winks at you two, Kazuha doesn't even bother looking, and Jean tries with upmost effort to keep Diluc from launching himself at the whipped fatui boy basking in your attention.

"Quit embarrassing me." You whisper-exclaim sharply, noticing how Jean passes Diluc—all green in the face, a puke bag discreetly. "Shouldn't you be doing something illegal right now? Or vaping in the stalls?"

"I quit vaping for you girlie." Childe boops your nose with his finger. "Well, at least full time. I still need a puff when I'm around Signora, to like, get rid of her awful vibes."

While it is endearing how he quit vaping for you, it doesn't lessen the need for you to bury yourself alive right here and now.

Then you sigh, pick up a Dino nuggie, and shove it in his mouth, the tip of his tongue flicking your finger. You die inside.

"There, you happy?" The action of feeding him is so...intimate, it sets your heart aflame.

Childe's a lovesick puppy when he chews, imaginary tail wagging a hundred times a second. "Can I have a kiss too?"

Diluc slams his hands on the table and stands up, hurriedly picks up his grape juice and makes a break for it. You don't blame him.

"I'll kill you." You smack him with a napkin, blazing red. "I'll end your pathetic little life right here and now."

By the end of lunch, Lisa and Jean have to restrain you so you don't break the world record for the maximum amount of mutilations that can be done on a single body.

Fourth period is a break. A break from Childe you mean. It's expected of the school's resident bad boy aka menace to skip classes in order to skip over the bodies of his victims.

You bask in the momentary peace, until it's disrupted by a tap on the window. Reckon it's nothing, maybe a bird flew into it, because intentional taps are impossible from the third floor. Except your conviction is hindered yet again by another tap.

What a nuisance.

You finally turn to look outside the window, face down, and spot Childe waving incessantly, rocks in hand, oozing with excitement that can't be concealed and a grin that nearly takes you into cardiac arrest. Without meaning to, you send him a small smile, waving back as Baal drones on about quantum superposition.

Successful in gaining your attention, he moves aside to reveal the hefty corpse of a stonehide lawachurl with a destructive path in its wake. The ridges and bumps of its hide are enough to do a number on the road, ruining the school's playing field.

Your smile drops down into a horrified frown in the span of a few seconds.

"Wow." Albedo, your lab partner whispers from next to you, for the first time distracted in class.

"Yeah," Kaeya whistles from behind you two, one hand supporting his head. "What a gesture."

"Y/N, I'd be grateful if you could possibly obtain a black crystal horn for me from the specimen." The blonde asks, entranced by the corpse that your boyfriend is flaunting off to you with pride.

"Aren't those things endangered cutie?" Lisa makes sure to butt in, as per usual.

Yes. Your boyfriend with several issues and an affinity for chaos brought you the corpse of an endangered geo-infused creature that's five times the size of him. During school hours too, the fiend. Like a cat dragging the corpse of a dead mouse to its owner.

You groan into your hands, heart racing while the fire is coursing through your veins.

That idiot.

—

Childe is exceptional at a lot of things, like the switch and making weapons out of seemingly harmless things (e.g shiv out of a toothbrush), but what he prides in the most is physical education. With washboard abs, uber tall height, and a dickish smile to top it all, he has everything it takes to showcase his top tier athletic abilities.

He pounces at the opportunity to show off in front of you, wanting nothing more than to have you fawn over his strength. He's sure it'll be enough to have you all over him, wrapping your cute little arms around his muscled ones, passing him his water bottle and dabbing away at the sweat on his forehead. Most of all, he daydreams you planting your soft lips on his to congratulate him after a big game.

Physical education, for you, is a pain. You may be good with your brain, but games exert more energy than necessary, and coordination that lacks logic entirely. You're just here for the credit. The over-achiever part of you walks the extra mile to ensure a grade in the high nineties.

Although witnessing Childe clad in the school shorts and matching polo shirt is enough to make this worth your while, you'll die before admitting it. Especially when he gawks at you as if it's the first time you're wearing the sports uniform yourself. It has you fidgeting with your fingers and tugging your shorts down nervously.

You try not to flip him off like you usually do, especially since it's not even been twenty four hours since he's asked you out.

Mr.Zhongli blows a whistle, calling all the students over to surround him. It's odd that he teaches most of the subjects at this school, seemingly the only adult present, but no one questions it in fear of genshin logic. Moving on, he explains that you have a dodge ball game today.

Lisa groans beside you. She hates anything that requires the exertion of energy, oftentimes bringing a book to read while everyone else screams in the background.

You're relieved, mainly because Childe and Tohma are usually captains, and Childe always picks you to be on his team as a means to flex his skills. For you, it means sitting back and watching him carry your team towards a straight A.

However, all your dreams are crushed when Zhongli announces the team leaders.

"Y/N, I trust that you'll lead the blue team to the upmost of your ability. Childe, prepare to lead the opposing red team."

Your knees shake as you stare at him in disbelief. "But Sir—"

"No buts Y/N." He scolds you lightly, checking off your names on the clip board. "I'd like to witness your exceptional leadership skills."

In reality, Zhongli just wants to reenact a lovers-on-opposing sides trope, wanting to see how the two of you crack under the pressure. In a way, it is an exercise of leadership.

Instead of picking teams, Zhongli assigns teams for the both of you according to his own judgement, trying to make it as fair as possible.

Lisa pats your back after your teammates are assigned, trying to cheer you up. "It's going to be okay. You guys are dating now, so he'll go easy on you."

You look up to meet Childe's eyes from across the court. He gives you a charming smile, which turns downright barbaric as he lifts up a thumb and motions to slash his neck with it. Then he wickedly mouths "I'm going to destroy you."

You blink and turn away as fast as you can in fear. "We're fucked."

Lisa, witnessing the entire ordeal nods alongside you, doing nothing to reassure you because she herself has given up.

Suddenly a hand lands on your shoulder gripping you tightly. "Let's wipe the floor with that g*nger." The voice is ice cold, threatening enough to send a shiver down your bones.

You turn to meet Rosaria, who frowns at you. Most of the time she doesn't really put an effort in dodgeball, but she must've seen your crestfallen expression, trying to comfort you in her own detached way.

Rosaria is the other school nurse in training, alongside Barbara, but somehow her patients end up more injured, sick, or mentally defiled than before they entered the room. She also spends after hours beating up Chads in the school parking lot. Also runs a blog with her booby co-author Kaeya that emphasizes mostly on the dark knight hero.

Spotting the rest of your team behind her, you begin to criticize them one by one.

Standing against the wall is Kaeya, pushing both his biddies up with his crossed arms like an absolute whore. He's breaking about several dress code rules right now. Venti is next to him, drunk off his butt as he beat boxes with Tohma.

Eula mutters under her breath, on and on about seeking revenge on Zhongli for putting her beloved Amber on the opposing team, promising him an unfortunate fate. Xiao is miserably squatting on the floor, sharp eyes observing everyone in the gym, scowl not ready to dissipate anytime soon.

Then you look over at Childe's team in the distance. Jean with a determined look on her face as she listens to Childe's game plan, and Diluc crossing his arms with his brows furrowed in concentration. Even Amber, the best baller in the school, is stretching out her arms, assisted by the gifted princess of the school, Ayaka.

Not only that, but Childe has the king of dodging on his team—Kaedehara goddamn Kazuha. Beidou shoots you a wicked smirk, winking at you until she's disrupted by Ningguang's shove.

"Oh my god." You cry out when the realization hits you, falling to your knees in despair. "We're completely fucked!"

"No we aren't." Rosaria mutters lowly. "You're only fucked if you want to be. Don't you dare throw in the towel before the fight has even begun."

"But I—"

"Stop it." She grumbles again, rolling her eyes. "You're being annoying now. If you lose the game, that makes him the dom. Don't you want to be the dom?"

She's right. You do want to be the dom.

Her words of encouragement, and not at all veiled insults somehow allow you to find motivation deep within yourself. You get up and stomp towards the rest of your team, calling their attention with your newfound confidence.

"Listen here soldiers!" You shout out, determination clear as day. "I know I am not capable of leading. I know that I barely have the physical capabilities needed to defeat the opposite team."

You take a deep breath, pointing at your cutie patootie boyfriend across the gym as you seethe. "But that man, that harbinger of chaos, that instrument of war, is nothing but a tyrant. And I cannot let such a tyrant be a victor in this battle. Not when innocent lives are at stake."

Tohma speaks up, sending you a bewildered look. "What lives—"

"Shut the fuck up soldier!"

"Yessir!" He immediately stiffens, saluting you.

"Are you ready soldiers?" Your voice booms, and everyone reinforces their priorities, except for Kaeya though. He just lazily smirks.

After Zhongli places the balls in the middle, everyone prepares for the battle of the century.

'Gods, please let us win this war' you pray to the archons above, closing your eyes in concentration.

'Give me the strength to flex my superior skills' Childe wishes, then adds on quickly 'also I want to dominate this world.'

'Give me the strength to make it to Friday.' Rosaria prays for nobody but herself, rolls her eyes at all the unnecessary dramatics of this dodgeball game.

"3..." "2..." "1..."

Zhongli ends the countdown by blowing hard into a whistle, signaling the beginning of the game.

Not even two seconds later a ball whooshes past a few of you at the speed of light, followed by a tail of fire. The ball of death kisses Kaeya square in the nose, sending him reeling back into a wall with enough sheer force to cause an indent.

Everyone winces.

Before you all can reel in from the initial shock and make sense out of wherever the hell that asteroid came from, Zhongli's voice booms throughout the gymnasium.

"Mr. Ragnvindr, headshots are strictly forbidden. You are out!"

With a scoff, Diluc, satisfied with his work, leaves the court with no apparent qualms. He accepts his defeat with the upturned corners of his lips.

Rosaria pokes Kaeya's body with the tip of her heels, then cringes when he shakes awake, up from his short lived knockout and sends a wink her way.

"Getting handsy when I'm unconscious? I didn't think you'd be one to partake in such vulgar activities." His eye twinkles in mischief, and if his momentary defeat at the hands of brother has him fuming, he doesn't show it one bit.

The only thing that keeps Rosaria from knocking him out for real is the blood that trails down onto his lip. She doesn't want to clean blood off her shoes, especially since it's a pain in the ass to get off.

You're about to tell them to get up and take this seriously, but a softball does your job for you when it darts straight at Rosaria. With pristine accuracy, the girl manages to pitch herself away last minute.

You swivel in Childe's direction, who wears a remorseless grin, which only grows wider once you pick up a blue softball next to your feet.

The glare that he receives has him shaking in exhilaration. More so than the elation he'd felt when he took down that Stonehide Lawachurl for you, as a gift of promise.

You begin to bark out orders. "Eula, Xiao, and Rosaria cover the front and act as decoys."

They nod immediately, but Xiao still clicks his tongue in distaste as he starts following orders.

Then you offer Kaeya a hand. "Get up princess. You're on sniper duty."

With Diluc out of commission, the battle is fair and square now considering both sides have the same amount of people. Ergo, no one's at a disadvantage.

That is—until Lisa fake trips over pure air, landing on the floor in a dramatic slow motion.

You roll your eyes.

"Oh dear! I think I've twisted something." She cries out, crawling away from the battle field, acting as if she's paralyzed completely. "Don't worry about me. I'll cheer you on from afar. The battle has begun, and it seems as if I've become the first casualty."

You don't let the countless amount of Lisa's betrayals get to you, even this one. It's just her personality to flake out on anything and everything that requires her to do more than below the bare minimum.

Focusing on the match, your eyes are only on Childe, just as his are on you.

You aim the ball straight at his ribs, step back a bit, then propel the ball in the air with as much energy as you can, using your entire body as a power outlet. The ball spins in the air, reaching the awaiting victim.

Childe, unbothered, dodges the ball with perfect precision, the ball not even grazing his clothes at the least.

Your jaw drops open, and you're about to move for another ball until he grabs the same ball you threw at him. With the sharpness of a predator locking in on its pray, he focuses on you like a missile locks on its target, launching the ball in the air for power that has you trembling, second to the powerful ball that was thrown by Diluc.

With your pupils dilated at your impeding doom, it's Xiao that grabs you and thrusts away.

The ball lands on the floor, smoke rising.

"Holy shit!" You shriek over everyone else's grunts and shuffles. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Isn't it poetic?" Childe shouts back while he slides away from the balls being thrown. "Lover against lover. Either you're by my side, or in my way. And right now, you're in my way." He narrows his eyes dangerously. "Albeit reluctantly, I will take the victory babe. Even if we are on opposing sides."

"There was zero reluctance in that throw asshole!"

You thank Xiao, who wipes his hands on his pants in disgust. "Filthy humans. So pathetic and weak."

Mildly offended, you roll your sleeves up and begin to fight with everything you've got as soon as he walks away.

The dodgeball game goes as expected for the most part, Eula carrying for most of it with the flow of her skills.

Tohma actually tries like the presumptuous asshole he is, aims straight for his girlfriend Ayaka, and takes her out completely. His only justification for that is "I ain't no simp!"

He shelves his cocky attitude when facing Childe with a sense of dignity and prestige you didn't think he had in him.

The two one of a kind fuckbois puff out their chests so that they look more hefty than they are, having some kind of an Alpha match. The 'me stronger than you. me dominant. me get all the women' type beat.

Unfortunately, Childe manages to fence him with his throws, and lo and behold, the square off ends with a dejected Tohma dragging his feet to the nearest bench.

Eula oversees that Ningguang and Beidou meet a quick end, taking their slower dodging to her advantage. You're actually rooting for her, tasting a sliver of victory that you haven't reached yet. So close, yet so far.

Amber trips on herself in the middle of throwing a what should've been coordinated ball, and it loses most of its momentum. Xiao is directly in front of it, and will probably be able to catch it with ease.

Ah, another short victory.

If Childe loses his expert baller, he's only left with Kazuha and Jean, whom's lack in the art of throwing is made up by their ability to dodge most of the fastballs.

However, all your plans and hopes are crushed when Eula slides in front of Xiao last minute, sticks out her foot, and let's the pathetic product of Amber's would-be downfall hit her on the leg with the total force of about 0.0000001 newtons.

Your chances of winning have just went down by a staggering 60%.

"Eula!" You cry out, collapsing on the ground. "How could you?"

Tohma cups his mouth and bellows obnoxiously from the bench. "SIMP!"

"I cannot avenge my clan if I win a false victory." Eula crosses her arms, casting her gaze down in visible uncomfortableness. "Amber will pay her dues in two business days. Mark my words."

It all a load of cap. She's sleeping with the enemy and you know it.

You grit your teeth. Fuming with an abundance of rage, you pick up three balls and throw them all back to back, taking out Amber and Kazuha simultaneously.

Childe's heart flutters in another kind of delight when you pluck out his team members one by one with no hints of remorse.

In retaliation, Jean and Childe work in sync to swiftly take care of a distracted Rosaria.

"Shit." You hiss underneath your breath.

It's Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, and you who are the only remainders of your short-lived team. It's still two more people than Childe and Jean, giving you the upper hand briefly.

It's a mystery to everyone how Venti is still standing. You reckoned you would've lost him as collateral during the beginning of the match, but it seems he's able to hold his own.

When you squint hard enough, you realize that Xiao has been t-posing in front of the nonchalant SoundCloud rapper that's about as high as a kite. He must've been defending him throughout the entire round.

His defenses are all in vain once Childe correlates another attack with Jean, sharp-shooting four rapid balls that are secured on their targets.

Xiao swerves to the side, avoiding most of them, until one is about to reach a nonchalant as shit Venti.

You scream at him, eyes widening as you run towards them in slow motion. "NOoOoOOOo-"

The yaksha doesn't waste a moment, shifting so that he's covering Venti's body with his own, which to be honest is a pretty heartwarming sight.

The ball hits his lean back, a sharp thud following when it hits the floor.

Xiao is out. But his sacrifice is so inspiring that it brings tears to Zhongli's eyes, makes everyone in the gym go silent in awe.

Even the sadistic Childe melts, cerulean eyes gaining back their light, halting his fire.

When Xiao finally uncovers Venti's body, he speaks from the bottom of his dead heart. "I'd do anything for you..."

Venti shakes out of his baked state, blinking at him stupidly with a nervous chuckle. "Ehe~? I don't even know who you are."

The entire class sweat drops. Whatever slip of compassion on Childe's face earlier has become nothing but a memory. Even your eyes dim.

The next time Childe aims and locks at Venti, it's not with malicious intent. It's a favour, for you. In a way it adds dimension to who he is and the lengths he's willing to go for you, even at war.

Venti steps away with a bounce in his gait, hands behind his head.

Kaeya and you are the only ones left standing now, and the game becomes too tight knit to tell which side's going to win. It becomes utter chaos, balls being launched every second, stamina slowly decreasing as everyone lurches away from their demise.

As laid-back  and charming as the boy presents himself to be in front of the ladies, he's not very patient when it comes to facing circumstances like these. He's side lined for most of the match, finding it boring. And when Kaeya gets bored, the intensity of the tide changes, and everyone knows they're going to get a run for their money.

Kaeya coasts a hand around your hips, pulls you real close, purposefully leaning his bust into the side your innocent arm.

When Childe's smile drops, and the glint in his eyes reads 'DANGER' in full caps, you know it's time to be properly scared.

Your blood runs cold, mouth opening briefly and then clamping shut immediately.

"I'm so glad to be on your team Y/N. Maybe this'll give us the chance to become...closer." His hot breath fans against your ear, voice loud enough to be heard by onlookers.

Suddenly everything stops, falling into an unsettling silence.

You attempt glance at Childe, being met with a glare that's directed at the Captain of the Skating team. The ball in the orange-haired boy's hand deflates from the sheer intensity of the squeeze.

The tension becomes unreadable. Even Zhongli is caught mid-sip with his tea.

Quickly, you shrug off Kaeya's arm. "Childe, he's just fucking with you—"

Childe cuts you off by hurling a ball with nothing but the objective of cold blooded murder.

Kaeya whizzes past you, successfully ducking to avoid the hit, and his amused laugh rings through your ears. He rolls away from the following attacks, chucking his own series of colourful balls.

The events that unfold are blood-curdling enough to make even Satan boil his pants with diarrhea.

You take the clear opportunity presented by their concurrent dumbassery to take out Jean, the ace of the other team.

Childe's rage blows over when Kaeya eventually loses interest and takes the L, playfully winking at you while walking backwards to the rest of your team.

Now that all the distractions are dealt with, Childe's eyes flicker to you, and you share a murderous glance.

"Finally," He slaps the softball with a free hand, lips thinning into a homicidal smile. "I've been waiting for this. You better not disappoint me."

While Childe may be a violent anarchist who's only aspiration in life is to become a government contracted killer, he's also supposed to be your sweet boyfriend.

Slowly, you inch towards the front. "We don't have to do this Childe. We can coexist peacefully."

"Peace was never an option Y/N." He sighs, cracking his neck. "Besides—how else can I prove myself in your eyes? You may be my greatest weakness, but you are also my greatest adversary."

"I don't know, maybe start with not trying to obliterate me?"

"I'm obliterating you out of respect." He counters with a playful pout.

"Well I'll be paying my respects to your grave!" You lurch ahead into a sudden assault, yeeting as many balls as you can his way.

"That's my girl!" Childe whistles, grin widening psychotically when he goes all out, leaving you with an absence in favorable openings.

Out of nowhere, the fire alarms start going haywire, along with a beep in the PA system, which stops you two in your tracks.

A panicked voice of who you assume to be Yanfei shrieks through the comms. "CODE ORANGE! CODE ORANGE! EVACUATE THE BUILDING, THERE'S A STONEHIDE LAWACHURL ON THE PREMISES."

As if on cue, the ground starts rumbling and a Stonehide Lawachurl bursts through the halls and into the gym, looking around for something. Or rather, someone. It's sharp bumps and ridges make an indent on the floor, cracking it in.

Everyone falls into a state of panic, Zhongli trying his best to evacuate the class from the emergency back door as quickly as possible. "Settle down class, we have to follow protocol."

You, devoid of any emotion or sense of fear, turn to your boyfriend in such a calm manner it strikes an ominous dread in his stomach.

You stare.

Childe stares harder.

“I thought you killed it."

"I did." He retorts slowly, switching to gaze at the raging beast in amazement.

"Then why is it in the school!" You seethe, glaring daggers at his side profile.

Childe chuckles sheepishly, scratches the back of his neck. "I may or may not have stuffed the body in the boys washroom. Y'know, for safe keeping?"

The Lawachurl locks it's gaze on you, the prey, and then roars furiously. Turning into its geo-enhanced state, it begins charging at you with all its might, the target being solely Childe.

Leave it to your boyfriend to get on the hit list of an endangered beast.

"Fear not my vibrant girlfriend. Our first date can be surviving this." Childe cheekily kisses the top of your trembling hand before grasping it tightly and making a run for it.

[smh0217]

Arcfall Siblings AU

*Cinder is about to kill Weiss but is knocked away before she could kill her. She then gets up and glares at Jaune, who was the one that knocked her over*

Jaune: Cindy... I’m home!

*Cinder walks towards Jaune but she stops in her tracks when he points the sword of destruction at her*

Jaune: Not this time...

*Jaune then helps Weiss up to her feet while pointing the sowrd of destruction at Cinder*

Jaune, to Yang and Ruby: Guys, get her out of here.

*Yang and Ruby help Weiss escape*

Cinder: Over a girl... Jaune, really? I knew you were slumming, but... I hope you didn’t catch anything.

Jaune: Cinder, you're my sister. And I love you. But you are a huge cunt.

Cinder: What did you just say to me?!

Jaune: Look at yourself! Boo hoo! Daddy was mean to me so I’m gonna smash up all his toys.

Cinder: Watch your tone...

Jaune: Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Autumn, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So this is all just one big temper tantrum. Time to grow up!

Cinder: Jaune, if you're doing this for Autumn...

Jaune: Screw her. If she were standing here, I'd shiv her ass too.

Cinder: You disloyal...

Jaune: Oh, I'm loyal. To them!

Cinder: Who? These so called protectors?

Jaune: To people, Cinder. People

Cinder: So you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches. Why?

Jaune: Because Dad was right. They are better than us.

Cinder: They are broken. Flawed! Abortions!

Jaune: Damn right they're flawed. But a lot of them try. To do better, to forgive. I've been riding the pine a long time. But I'm in the game now, and I'm not on your side, or Autumns. I'm on theirs.

Cinder: Jaune, don't make me do this.

Jaune: No one makes us do anything.

Cinder: I know you think you're doing the right thing, Jaune. But I know where your heart truly lies...

*Over Cinders shoulder a second Jaune is seen coming up behind her. As he lunges forward, Cinder catches his arm and stabs Jaunes own blade into his chest.*

Cinder: Here. Amateur hocus pocus. Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother. *Cinder jerks the blade in Jaunes chest. Jaune then falls to the ground dead*

[trickyxarchangel-blog]

Tag Dump -- Characters