#i'm probably bitter because i'm short

[soapywankenopy]

According to an article I read, Harvey is supposedly 6'2

This information has been weighing on me ever since I read it

Chat, I am 5'4

That man is TEN INCHES TALLER THAN ME

*muffled crying*

I hate tall men

But I guess I love one tall man

[sskk-manifesto]

Ep 5!!!

[goldsbitch]

remember that

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But everyone need assurance that they are still loved sometimes. The first time Lando almost slept on a couch blurb

warning: couple fight, angst

It was bad. This time, it was really fucking bad.

After weeks of snarky comments being swallowed in, the "it's fine" line being burned into Lando's ears almost on a daily basis and growing minutes Y/N had to wait before Lando decided to respond to her texts, shit finally hit the fan.

They hadn't seen each other for two weeks now. Inevitable fight broke out right as he crossed the threshold. Postponed dates and forgotten dinners lined up. They couldn't help themselves and put it all on the table. First it was the fact she didn't smile upon seeing him, then it was a reminder that he promised to bring something from Italy and forgot. It went on and on and on. She sat at the dinning table, while he leaned over at the kitchen counter.

"Lando, sometimes it feels like I'm in a relationship with your assistant and not you! For heaven sake, this week I had to call him, once again, when I could not reach you. Do you know how embarrassing it is?" she half-screamed into her hands.

Lando took a breath so deep an average yoga teacher would be jealous. "How am I suppose to be expected to pick up on a race day. You know that I get super busy and distracted."

"Funny how you never were when we started dating," she murmured bitterly.

He had to turn away, couldn't watch his love giving up on him just because they were not in the honeymoon stage anymore. "Yes, but now I'm winning races! Closer to my dream that I've ever been. It's different now."

"I'm glad I met you back then, because obviously you'd not date me if we met now," she couldn't stop those words that rotted in her coming out.

A beat. Maybe it was time to actually break the rule for once and go to sleep angry, because it was getting out of hand. "You know what, that's probably true and it breaks my heart that once I start doing well, you're suddenly not the supporting girlfriend anymore."

A crushing blow. "Tell me how am I suppose to support you if you don't even answer my phone! We used to talk for hours!

"Maybe understand that I can't!"

"I do! But you can't assume that I'll let you push me away completely!"

Lando thew his hands up in desperation. How could she not see it? "I'm coming here to you whenever I have a slightest chance! And I come what? You constantly dragging me through the mud."

"Oh interesting you mention that. How sad that your assistant had to remind you of my sensitive skin before you having him book me an "apology mud massage" when you cancelled on me few weeks ago," se shot, knowing it would hit the target.

"How do you even know that!" he said, unable to comprehend that he did not even control his paid assistant, not mention his own life anyway.

"Well, I talk a lot to you assistant! And he slips up!" It was a weird friendship between people who both wished they could get a little more info out of Lando.

"That's it. I can't deal with this now," he said, with the intention to sleep on the couch for the first time in their relationship. He didn't even know why he chose that action, walking towards their bedroom and dramatically bringing a pillow and a blanket over to the sofa, but if this is what couples did when the fought, there must have been a reason for it.

It absolutely infuriated her. Sparked up something she hoped she'd never feel. "Oh, sleep tight." she spitted with bitter undertone.

"I will!"

//

They walked around each other in silence, him getting ready to sleep on the couch and her cutting her skincare short this time and spending more time debating whether to close the bedroom door as they usually would or leave it open. Just in case.

He could hear her shifting back and forth. It angered him a little bit, since he was the one playing a cruel joke on his already tired muscles.

Thousand things she wanted to say and only one came to her mind in a form of an actual sentence. There goes nothing. "Do you still feel good about this?"

"What?" he whispered, not expecting her to speak to him again before the next day.

"Nevermind, forget I asked."

"About what!" He hated when she did this. If you didn't catch up at the first moment, she did not give you a second chance.

"Do you still feel good about us, being together?" She cursed herself for asking this. Dangerous questions brought up explosive answers. She wished for a reassurance and a rejection. She snuggled deeper into her blanket and turned around to face the door. As if wishing for him to stand there and coming back to her.

Lando hated her question. In fact, it made him furious again. But it was a peace offering, he had already learned that before. "Even here, lying on the bloody couch, because we're fighting...It's the place I wanna be at."

Anxiety kicked in Y/N. "What, you mean like away from me?"

He laughed lightly. She was always thinking the worst. "No, silly. The exact opposite...We could both be at thousand different places at the moment. But we're not. And for me at least, it's because like---I want to be with you. I hate that we'd drifted apart lately. I'd love to be in bed with you, laughing without a care in the world, like we usually do. But, we can't do that now. And yet, I'd rather be left on the couch if I know you're next door than all alone in my bed." His words hit like small drops of rain after a long draught.

She whispered, choosing her words carefully. "You're my twin flame. You make my soul light up in fire, make me feel like I'm the sun. Do you know what my biggest fear is?"

Lando also tuned into sweeter tone, one that was more familiar from days filled with sunshine. "What, my love?"

"That we're gonna burn out. You and me, ending up like an epic love story. The good ones work because they end in tragedy."

"You're always so poetic," he smiled, proud to think he was her love story.

"There is no other way to describe how you'd changed my life. Flipped it upside down the moment you walked into the same room."

Lando chucked. "Yeah, remember that?"

"How could I not."

"You were not having a good day."

Finally, she spoke loudly again. "So, what? Everything was going to shit and the event we were doing had to be perfect before the 'important people' arrived".

"Such an ego boost to know I was your priority before you even met me," he uttered, happy to push her buttons.

"Oh, and you were so cocky! Just laughing around, like we were some sort of comedy sketch."

"Well, I'm sorry, have you heard yourself when you're upset? The way how your voice goes up seven octaves higher?" he laughed, his breath feeling lighter now.

"Coming from you, that's rich! You were giggling in a tone so high the elderly couldn't hear you!"

"I'm so happy I managed to bag the grumpiest person in the building. And bare in mind there must have been around 500 people there."

"980 if you could in staff as well."

He let out a heavy sigh. "You with your pristine memory."

She paused before responding. "Yes. Wish I didn't have that sometimes."

"Wish I had at least a pinch of that."

Silence fell in both rooms. Heavy breath and wondering eyes. The lack of their touch suddenly being more obvious than before. Playing a contest who will reach out first.

"Lando?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Can you back here, please?" she said, somewhat nervously. Lando took a pause. There was nothing he wished for more. It hurt to fight. But he figured a relationship needed that sometimes. As the poets say, you loose a woman when you forget to cherish her. He liked to think this went both ways. And they both started slacking a bit. He could only affect his own behavior, with the hope that she'd also come to the same understanding.

"I'd like nothing more in the world, my love."

[flawseer]

"#21 - Ancient", follow-up

I'm not going to be able to finish Smaugust #23 today, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Apologies.

Instead, for a change of pace, let's talk about something different. I've seen a few reactions to my submission for day 21 that wondered what on earth must have possessed Secretkeeper to romantically pursue Morrowseer, and what that must have been like. Did they love each other? Was there any tenderness or affection between them? I figured I should give you my take on them.

I believe that Morrowseer--somewhere deep within his black, twisted lump of a heart--did indeed have feelings for Secretkeeper. You can kind of see this in the Prisoners short where he very unfavorably compares Farsight to Secretkeeper and sings the praises of the latter. He holds her in high esteem and seems to value her intelligence. He probably really wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her.

Unfortunately, he is wracked with the burden of having to be Morrowseer; a bitter, deeply unpleasant, emotionally shallow old dragon incapable of the humility required to be compassionate. For all the prestige and clout that Morrowseer has as an elite member of the Queen's court, his social life seems very empty and sad. He has no friends, only co-workers (who don't like him) and underlings (who butter him up), and I think he feels incomplete because of that. To fill this void, he fixates on asserting his importance and is desperate to maintain his status. He deeply desired to be the father of the prophecy Nightwing--which would have cemented him as the one dragon who saved his tribe--and the fact that he failed to sire a child in time not once (necessitating Starflight), but twice (necessitating Fatespeaker) eats him up on the inside. He perceives this as a huge failure, and Mastermind (who succeeded where he failed) picked up on this and mocks him for it. His entire conversation with Farsight reeks of "I am mad and jealous that your kid is special! It should have been mine!! Goddamnit why wasn't it mine!??"

For Secretkeeper's side... no, I don't think there's any deep affection there. I don't think she anticipated this relationship happening in the first place. But she did want to have a child, and when Morrowseer approached her, she weighed her options. If one can stomach living with someone like Morrowseer--who always has to be the most important person in the room--it's not an entirely bad deal. You get a lot of social clout as the Queen's right hand's mate, and since Morrowseer is exempt from the strict food rationing policy, you also get to eat. And he actively wants to have children to secure his legacy, which, if that's what you want as well, is pretty good. So in my mind she probably just went "Yeah, I can probably make this work. I'm sure he's not as bad to be around when he likes you." and agreed out of convenience.

But I doubt she loved him. There isn't really a reality where I can reconcile "She loved him" and "She kept their shared child a secret from him because she did not trust him". The only thing Secretkeeper genuinely loved about Morrowseer was that she was able to have Moonwatcher. So she stuck it out for her daughter, and I don't think she was upset for very long when Morrowseer died. She might have even felt a sense of relief that she didn't have to keep lying anymore.

I've seen people point to the fact that Secretkeeper felt a desire to tell Moonwatcher who her father was, and then posit that this means she did have feelings for him. I'm not sure I really agree. All that tells me is that she has feelings for Moonwatcher and wants her to know the truth. But if the truth is "I didn't really love your father, he was an awful and unpleasant person and I was just with him so I could have you", it becomes understandable why she would choose not to tell her.

That's my read of the situation anyway. Yours might be entirely different!

[mewtwoandme]

I was hoping this would all blow over, but since it's continuing to happen, now with people attacking other artists of the commewnity. I'm putting out my two fucking cents! Cause this whole art/character theft and pointing fingers, who stole what from who bullshit it driving me up the fucking wall!!

Long story short, it started with me and one other blog whose name I won't mention publicly. Despite the horrible light they tried to paint me in, I don't want anyone going to this person and ganging up on them. This person had some serious bitterness towards more "popular" artists and claimed that I've made characters similar to theirs and once used a pose they apparently used before (which was a very common pose, considering it was a reference from the game version of mega Y). Since then, they had desperately tried to conjure up evidence, narrowing down to the most miniscule detail how I've been stealing from them when I hadn't even known their blog existed until I was forcefully thrown into that unnecessary drama with the unhinged call-out posts they've made. With this being said, I'd like to point out that they never came to me or addressed this concern with me in the first place. They had every opportunity to privately DM me if they had suspected I was "stealing," but no, simply because they already made up their mind that I was a thief, that was a good enough reason to lack common fucking sense and decency, making what should have been a private issue public, going on to villainize and dehumanize me. And apparently, it hasn't stopped with me either, cause recently I've been seeing other artists in the community having to deal with this where people are being white knights on high horses, pointing fingers on how one artist's mewtwo looks "the same" if not "totally identical" as another artist's mewtwo. I refuse to believe it's a coincidence. But what makes me disgusted is that since TC's post, apparently it's had the opposite effect on some people and they're hopping on this blame bandwagon like it's some damn media trend!!!

This is NOT okay! Nothing about this kind of behavior is funny! It's upsetting to all of us. We dont need you causing problems where there isn't any, thinking you're doing us a favor! The majority of us are adults for gods sake! We are old enough where we don't need other people coming to us being tattle tails saying this person did this and that. That's what little children do! If you suspect any form of theft, I think I speak for ALL creators in this commewnity that we'd prefer you DM us privately saying something like "Hey, I think this person is copying you, might wanna look into it." And if possible, provide a link to the art in question, for which we would kindly thank you for making us aware and we'll handle it ourselves from there. Just a brief, yet SIMPLE interaction...that's all we ask!!! Don't even come at me with "Well, it's scary attempting to talk to an artist that's well known." Or dare I say ~pOpUlAr~ If you claim that taking the first step to send me a quick DM makes you nervous, yet you have no problem making public call outs in posts or asks, belittling and degrading what could actually be innocent artists doing nothing wrong, literally leaving yourself open to all kinds of comments and opinions from all kinds of people....I'm sorry but your anxiety isn't as bad as you say it is then, if being rude and ignorant in a public post/ask is easier for you. If you come to us, shaming someone else who 9/10 probably isn't doing anything wrong, thinking you'll be in our good graces for doing so, sorry, you're not going to be told, "Good job!" with a pat on the back and given a lollipop! You're just being an asshole.

Quick reality check for everyone who's made it this far before I end this train wreck of a rant:

People can have similar ideas that coincide with one another! There's only so much you can do when a whole community is focused around drawing the same character! We mainly draw mewtwos and mews, you're bound to find a plethora of similar colors, patterns, and designs because of it! Creativity only goes so far when trying to stay true to a character and not stray too far. It's not a crime to take inspiration from other artists' characters, we actually encourage this! It makes us feel good that you liked something we've done and you want to incorporate it into your own designs! It makes us happy that we inspired you! The line is crossed when someone does a literal copy/paste of a character down to the exact detail, and they call it their own original creation. That my friends is what stealing actually is!

[broodybuck]

Title: Broken Rules

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rating: E

Tags: 18+ explicit smut, one-night stands, rough sex, plot what plot/porn without plot, no kissing rule

Summary: After you get dumped, you want to stick it to your ex with a no-strings-attached, filthy one-night stand. You find an attractive man sitting at the bar, he should do.

[ao3 link]

That's it, I'm having a one-night stand, you decide. You're adamant about the idea even though it's not typically your vibe. You like connection, you like relationships. But if your boyfriend can break up with you on your seven-month anniversary then you can have a fucking one-night stand.

You see him at the bar. The place is pretty dead since it's a Tuesday night so there are limited options. Still, you would label this guy as out of your league. Too hot for you. He has short brown hair, cheekbones straight out of Hollywood, and a sharp jawline to match. He's dressed in a tight leather jacket and dark jeans.

Normally, you wouldn't go for a guy like this. Because as much as you know your beauty, you're typically labeled in the cute category, the pretty category. But he's gorgeous, model-level.

You stride up to him as confidently as you can manage and claim the seat next to him. He lowers the drink from his mouth slowly, glancing over at you skeptically. He's probably wondering why you chose the barstool right next to him when there are about eight other ones open. To get in those tight pants of yours, you answer him in your mind.

You smile at him, glad you kept on the tight red dress that was meant for dinner with your ex tonight. He notices, his eyes scanning down as subtly as possible. You feel a flash of heat hit your cheeks. The thought of this stranger getting under your dress, having access to every inch of you, makes you feel insane and hot all over. But tonight is different. Tonight, you're having a one-stand stand with a handsome stranger.

You smooth your hand over the sleeve of his jacket. He tracks your movement like a hawk.

"What're you drinking?" you ask sweetly.

"Whiskey," he clears his throat.

He seems more thrown by this than you'd expect. You would have assumed he gets hit on constantly, has one-night stands by the plenty — wherever he cares to.

You signal the bartender over and order two shots. The man beside you keeps eyeing you quizzically. But when the shots arrive, he accepts the one you slide over to him. He downs the shot with you.

You smile, licking your lips as you mask the face you want to make from the bitterness burning your throat. He looks impressed. Good, you think, you're here to impress and get fucked.

"I've had a shitty night," you tell him. "Really looking for a distraction."

Your tone is hinting enough. His eyebrows lift with surprise. He turns his body toward you.

"Another?" he asks and you nod.

You both take another shot, then it feels much easier to ask if he lives nearby. He does and after staring him down, he invites you back.

He keeps a hand hovering over your lower back as you walk to his place. You only stumbled twice so it's really unnecessary but it's a sweet gesture, you suppose. He helps you up the stairs of his stoop by taking your hand. You thank him but remind yourself that tonight is meant to be dirty, quick — meaningless.

Inside his apartment, you decide another rule for tonight.

"No kissing," you tell him.

He looks so confused, it's honestly cute. The way his brows furrow so deeply and his mouth parts open. He looks like a lost puppy, begging to be kissed.

Stop it, you reprimand yourself. He's not cute. He's here to fuck you.

You march forward, grab onto his leather jacket, and yank it backward down his arms. He doesn't stop you, he seems aware of what's about to happen regardless of his prior confusion.

His face dips forward and then stops. He blinks, pressing his mouth tight, and you try to ignore the fact that he almost kissed you. Already. You move onto the belt of his jeans, prying it open along with the fly of his pants.

"Gonna make me do all the work?" you tease.

You yelp when he hooks your legs and instantly lifts you up in one quick motion. You wrap both arms around his neck and ignore your impulse to inhale his mouth hungrily.

He carries you to the bedroom and lays you down carefully on the bed. Your legs remain helpfully spread around his hips. He moves slowly now, more slowly than you'd like, as he glides both hands up your thighs. He pushes the hem of your dress up as he goes. This dress is so damn tight that it moves rigidly but he works it over your hips to reveal the lacy thong you're wearing.

He breathes in heavily, staring down at it. You flush warm again. He's so hot, you want him inside you. And you don't normally think something like that so quickly.

You reach out, instinctually moving to frame his face and drag him down into a kiss, but you stop yourself just in time. You still pull his face down but instead, move his mouth in between your thighs.

You hear him breathe sharply once more. Then he dives forward so quickly that you gasp when he tears the thin material of your thong with one hand. His mouth, his tongue, is on you the next moment. You suck in a moan, your thighs unintentionally squeezing together, but he holds them apart with his hands as his tongue flicks over your clit repeatedly. Next, he kisses it, mouths around your most sensitive area, and then sucks.

"Ooh god, yes," you cry, grabbing fistfuls of his hair.

This was a damn good idea, you think, as you cry out again when he adds his thumb. Switching between his mouth and fingertip.

"Fuck, please," you pant.

He cruelly stops right then and sits back. The sight of his mouth glistening with your wetness makes you shiver. He reaches into his boxers and pulls himself out. He barely gives you a chance to get a good look before he's pushing inside of you.

His face hovers above yours as he bottoms out. He stares down at you, and you want to kiss him, but you need to stick to your dumb rule. This night means nothing, this night is only a fuck you to your ex.

He swallows, then his mouth stays open in a pout as he thrusts into you again. Your eyes squeeze shut, you grab onto him tightly.

Each thrust gains strength but he fucks you slowly. Ramming into you harder each time and stilling when he's buried inside of you as if for you to savor it. He's big which means each slam of his hips jolts you back on the bed and you feel yourself stretching to fit him each time.

His hands find your breasts now, cupping them in his hands, and his breath shakes. You find yourself amazed that he seems so taken with you. You're not sure your ex-boyfriend ever looked at you this way. Like you're an art piece he has to study, memorize.

He presses into you again. But this time when he draws back, he gives up the slow, hard pace and fucks you faster, steadily. It instantly makes your skin blaze, you pulse around him, your body hungry for him.

He groans, feeling it. He falls forward so close to your face, but his eyes snap shut. You hold him by the jaw, craving to close the space, but you refuse. He pushes forward and fucks you harder.

"Fuck, right there," you squeal.

He keeps himself there, fucking you right where you want it until you're too close.

"Yes—more—please," you whimper.

He grunts in your ear and doesn't stop. He grabs hold of your thighs, pushing your legs up, still plowing into you.

Then, you're coming so fast you can't think straight. It's never usually so abrupt, so intense. But you're levitating up, clambering to hold onto him as your body jolts and shakes with the shock of your orgasm flooding through you.

"God, god, ahhhhgn," you yell right in his ear but it doesn't phase him, he's still fucking you like his life depends on it, like you'll die if he doesn't prolong this orgasm for as long as humanly possible.

And it's so much. Waves of pleasure won't stop washing over you that when he plunges into you and groans brokenly, you're actually relieved that he's coming.

You're holding onto him so tightly, he doesn't pull out of you for a long time. He lies with you, breathing into your neck, warming your skin as you try to recover from your high.

And fuck, how was that so much better than the last seven months with your ex? Why haven't you been having more one-night stands, you wonder.

Finally, he sits up and looks at you.

"I'm Bucky, by the way," he smiles crookedly.

It's adorable, goddammit.

"I'm y/n."

"Don't hate me," he says and you're about to question what he means when he leans down and kisses you.

You don't hate him, far from it. You grab his face and devour his mouth, his tongue. You're desperate for it. You never thought you'd miss kissing so much. What a dumb, dumb rule.

You whine when he pulls back, leaving you breathless and wanting more.

"That was torture," he huffs, "not kissing you."

You swallow thickly. "I didn't want tonight to mean anything."

He makes that endearingly confused face again but this time, it's mixed with discontent.

"My boyfriend just broke up with me," you explain quickly. "I was mad."

He slowly pulls out of you and backs away from you. You want to pull him back, not let him leave. He rolls next to you on the bed and lets out a long sigh.

"It's not you, that was… more amazing than it should've been," you confess.

He looks over at you and blinks, his face softening.

"Forget that guy," he says and rolls onto his side to caress the side of your face. "I'll make you forget about him... if you let me."

The offer is more tempting than it should be. This wasn't supposed to go anywhere. When you first saw him in the bar, you didn't even think he'd be interested.

"As long as I can kiss you," he adds.

You laugh unexpectedly because it sounds so ridiculous that this incredibly hot, well-endowed man not only wants to fuck you again but needs to be allowed to kiss you. And you want it all too. So much you need to laugh at how wrong... or right this night has gone.

You dive forward and kiss him. Through the elated breath he inhales, he sounds pleased and kisses you more deeply.

"Sorry for my dumb rule," you break to say. "Kiss me all night."

Bucky smiles and happily pulls you right back to his lips.

[firestorm09890]

there's a part of canto vi I've been thinking about since it came out, and it doesn't actually have anything to do with Heathcliff.

this

She is bitter as fuck and as time goes on she's getting worse at keeping it down. Sinclair's the one who started it, by talking about how sad it is that they'd never get to see color, and Rodya starts to get a little irritated over it (yeah, sure, pity the Backstreets folk and their poor miserable little lives, privileged nest boy), but she's obviously trying not to straight up call Sinclair a privileged nest boy because she doesn't want to. But then Yi Sang and Ishmael join in on talking about how sad this place is with no color and she just can't keep her opinion down.

But that makes the atmosphere tense, and she hates a tense atmosphere, so she changes the subject and her tone, not giving a damn about how obvious it is. also, haha, ice and cold references.

And actually, this doesn't really have much evidence to support it, but I wonder if she holds a higher level of resentment for Sinclair in particular.

Canto II had some discussion about how Rodya wishes she was special (and while I think what Sonya said about her killing the tax collector just to feel special is absolute bullshit, I do also think there is some truth to her wanting to feel special), and introduced us to the concept of The Sign in a way that was vague and more like foreshadowing than actually introducing it. Then Canto III was all about The Sign, and how special Sinclair is, and since then we've had people talking about signs and stars and a new birth of the world and it's all stuff Rodya doesn't get to be part of.

I don't think she wants to hold resentment for Sinclair, and she especially never wants him to know, but going back after all this time and rereading this one interaction with him in Canto II felt pretty jarring.

the more important part of this is the way it feels like she's making a joke at Heathcliff's expense, for being poor, like even though she's also from the Backstreets she feels she's "above" it.

She absolutely does not feel this way.

On my way to find the first passage, I reread some other interesting stuff:

Once again, there's the harsh juxtaposition between casual, fun-loving Rodya, and tired, poor man's advocate Rodya. Almost everyone on the team speaks through the lens of a Nest dweller (I have to wonder if learning that Heathcliff was apparently raised in a mansion made her even more bitter), and the way she's so short with her mention of the Sweepers makes me think she's thinking about how painfully obvious it would have been to any other Backstreets dweller. And then, right after, dropping back into her casual voice, and Sinclair revealing that Rodya used the fucked up Backstreets creature to tease him...

Other obvious moments of Rodya being bitter as hell about rich people include this part of S.E.A.

and this part of her observation logs on Spiral of Contempt (actually, nearly everything in that log that isn't about the physical abnormality has to do with how much she hates how rich people look down upon the poor)

Hong Lu's canto comes after Don's, and then after his is Ryōshū's, who, based on her source material, probably served one of the most awful, contemptuous rich people the sinners have access to, and I really hope at some point here Rodya gets to snap in a big way

...hey so I wrote this entire post at 1 in the morning and then saved it to drafts because I didn't want to post something at 1 in the morning. the Timekilling Time trailer came out about two hours later, featuring both Rodya... and the long-awaited return of the Yurodiviye. so now it's past 3 in the morning for me but I'm posting it now anyway because ohohoho seeing the Yurodiviye again has given me SO much energy

I have a feeling all this is going to be very relevant extremely soon

[heartlilith]

Difficult Placements in the Natal Chart

*Difficult: defined as "not easy; needing effort or skill to do or to understand" 

I'm going to be discussing what placements I believe are more difficult to have in a natal chart. I just want to emphasize that this is my opinion (Tamra Judge voice) . Let's remember that all placements have their pros and cons, you are not defined by a few unfavorable placements. Of course, aspects and orbs matter... Chiron with 3 squares to your personal planets will be more difficult to handle than if you had Chiron trine Sun and Venus, for example.

One last thing: Difficult placements can be the ones with the most value. They teach you things, make you stronger, and they can make you an inspiration to people dealing with similar situations. Difficult placements have their positives too, which we will discuss.

🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿

Sun conjunct Chiron: These natives go through a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. They go through many trials and have to learn how to heal again and again. I feel like the universe puts them through a lot so that one day they can help others, which is nice but damn. This aspect can easily make someone slip into addiction, depression, and bitterness if the energy isn't channeled correctly. These people are prone to psychic attacks that lead to chronic illness, specifically migraines.

Positives: Can become a healer, can help other people through their problems, can become an inspiration, selfless character.

Sun square/opposite Neptune: These natives struggle when it comes to their fragile ego. They are deeply sensitive and feel things intensely. They absorb energies meaning if they're around negative people, they themselves will become negative as well. It's so important for these people to be surrounded by positive and successful individuals. Sun square/opposite Neptune is also easily manipulated and taken advantage of since they tend to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Throughout life, this placement can make an individual feel unworthy and inferior which can lead to a victim mentality that's hard to break. Watch out for escapist behavior because these people are prone to addiction.

Positives: These people are very psychic and should work on their spiritual abilities. Becoming religious or spiritual can be very beneficial for them. They have the most impressive imagination and are super creative.

Capricorn Moon: I've noticed that people with Capricorn as their moon sign have difficulties with being vulnerable and asking for help. They are the people that hold their family and friends together - they are the strong one. Oftentimes, they become responsible too early in life, which probably cut their childhood short if they had one at all. Their sense of responsibility is their strength but its also a weakness; they don't want to be thought of as "weak" or "needy" so they hold their feelings in. Like Pisces, when their emotions come on strong they need an escape, Capricorns rely on work and their sense of duty. They are prone to becoming workaholics and will ignore painful situations by working all the time.

Positives: Likely to become successful career-wise, very driven and ambitious, people trust them, they make great friends because you can rely on these people.

Aquarius Moon: Similar to Capricorn, Aquarius Moons struggle with their emotions and how to express them. Their emotions might not even be felt in some cases. They look at things intellectually and in a detached way; they think "Should I be sad about this?" or "Am I supposed to be angry?". Growing up, they probably didn't have someone that they could emotionally confide in or even worse, they could've been punished for showing their emotions. I've noticed a lot of Aquarius Moons have a detached sense of family, they could've been adopted or they just feel "different", they could even look at themselves as the black sheep.

Positives: Can come up with creative solutions to problems, a great friend, nonjudgemental and open minded when it comes to others and their life experiences.

Moon square Pluto: This placement could've been the victim of abuse, especially from their mother. Their mothers could have struggled with mental illness and unfortunately these natives could've been the scapegoat and received the backend. Their mothers could be careless one second and the next they could become obsessive; the obsessiveness usually shows when the native leaves home and creates space between them. This leads to distrust in people, women especially. Moon square Pluto people cling onto any sense of control because they grew up in utter chaos. Unfortunately, these people can deem self destructiveness as "normal" since it was what they knew throughout their whole childhood.

Positives: If these people conquer the negative traits brought on by this aspect, they could become great psychiatrists or therapists. These people are devoted and loyal.

Moon square Saturn: This placement could've struggled with feeling unsafe in childhood; like they couldn't count on their parents. Their mothers were less affectionate than normal and they didn't receive the comfort that they needed, which leads them to being uncomfortable with affection in adulthood. They probably went through some tough changes in childhood which is why they loathe change as an adult. This placement could've felt like they had to parent their parent, specifically their mother. And their mothers could've vented to them about problems that they had no business hearing, cutting their childhood short. Their mothers could go to them for advice a lot of times. They could've felt like a burden growing up, usually an emotional burden but more likely a financial burden.

Positives: Strives to become successful, these people are independent and self sufficient.

Virgo Venus: Virgo Venus isn't too bad but can make a native struggle with self esteem issues. I put this on my list because these people attract lovers that need fixing. Venus in Virgo love to fix people and make them "better". The people they're trying to fix could be toxic and destructive; the "bad boys/girls". But having their partner in focus and ignoring their own needs makes them resentful after awhile. I've noticed this placement attracts creeps and stalkers as well because they have a vibe of innocence and purity. In love, they can grow to be very demanding and make their partners feel inadequate in the process. They also get the ick quite easily, meaning its easy to turn them off.

Positives: Is reliable in love, a lady in the streets freak in the sheets type, definitely someone you want to bring home to your family, will take care of you.

Venus in the 8th house: Venus in the 8th house natives tend to be possessive and jealous in love. It's not that they view their partners as property (they can but this placement alone doesn't indicate that imo), they are just extremely loyal and expect their partner to be as well. From my experience, Venus in the 8th house people are ready to give it all up for someone they love. They want to merge and become one with their partner. Their intensity comes from a good place but once a relationships ends, it can be very very painful for them. Love and relationships trigger transformations for these people and sometimes triggers transformations in their partners. They come out of relationships a stronger and better version of themselves but this is usually achieved through heartache. This placement also has a real fear of abandonment and will stay in toxic relationships for this reason.

Positives: Loyal and devoted in love, is a ride or die person. They are very alluring and magnetic. Not easily forgotten.

Venus in the 12th house: I believe these natives are too good for the world. I say this because, like 8th house Venus, they are ready to give it all up for love. Venus in the 12th house is self sacrificial to a fault, oftentimes neglecting themselves in relationships. Love can bring subconscious pain to the forefront, attracting lovers that make them face hidden problems they hold within themselves. Venus being in the house of the hidden, it's not uncommon for these individuals to be the "other woman/man" or be in secret relationships for whatever reason. They can be easily manipulated and taken advantage of since they're hopeless romantics. This can lead to them having to regulate how much love they have for someone; they'll hold back their feelings and needs in fear of being naive and walked on.

Positives: They love people genuinely and whole heartedly, they see the best in their partners, they form deep connections in love.

Venus square/opposite Saturn: These natives may have grown up in an environment that lacked physical affection. This creates a person that is uncomfortable in love and becomes very regulated with how they express their emotions. They may be inherently insecure when they're young which creates doubt around being loved; they're prone to thoughts like "why would anyone love me?" which then creates trust issues. These people also struggle with self-love, they have feelings of inadequacy and compare themselves to others a lot. Since they have low self esteem, they often attract partners that treat them badly and the worst part is they think they deserve it. These people aren't fans of PDA or physical touch and often express love through gift giving or acts of service.

Positives: Self sufficient, usually has a "glow up" later in life, once this placement is conquered (could be the second half of life) they are unstoppable and have so much love for themselves.

Mars in 4th, 8th, 12th house: Mars doesn't feel very comfortable in water houses, this is especially true if the native has a lot of squares and oppositions to their Mars or water house lord. Mars ignites the emotional watery nature of the houses which can lead to sudden outbursts. Mars in the 4th house natives could have dealt with a prominent mother who dominated the household (4th house). This could indicate that a father figure was absent or estranged. Either that, or his role was weak compared to the mothers. Mars in the 4th house could also signify an aggressive mother and hostile home environment. Mars in the 8th house natives experience extreme emotions a lot of the time, this can include anger, obsession, and jealousy. Since Mars is in the 8th house of transformations, you can expect these people to go through many many painful changes in their life because Mars here speeds things up. These natives are prone to accidents involving vehicles, tools, gym equipment, etc. so watch out for transits! Mars in the 12th house could suppress their martian traits; sexuality, motivation and anger... or it could be the opposite, they could become addicted to sex and have a wicked temper, depending on the sign and aspects. Trauma related to sexuality and the inability to stick up for oneself could be prevalent here as well, or they could be downright violent towards others. These people can either lack motivation or become extremely restless. They also probably have crazy vivid dreams and aggressive hidden enemies.

Side Note: Mars in water houses can either be horrible or not so bad, it really depends on the rest of the chart. I included this because the negatives can be extreme.

Mars square/opposite Pluto: These natives usually had a childhood filled with violence and witnessed a lot of strong emotional outbursts. This makes the native think that reacting aggressively or even violently is normal. They could've been abused by their peers, siblings or parents. As they grow up, physical violence, fights, and anger issues could arise. They can get offended really easily and people just assume they're picking fights. Has a lot of physical energy that can manifest as aggression.

Positives: If they channel their energy correctly, they could become talented athletes. Has enough energy to meet their goals and then some.

Saturn in the 1st house: These people have had it hard since childhood. These natives struggle to be comfortable within themselves due to being surrounded by critical people and even being bullied growing up. The judgmental voices they grew up listening to becomes the voice within. They could struggle with body dysmorphia and have deep rooted insecurities. They are confused within themselves and their insecurity could make them miss a lot of great opportunities.

Positives: These people often have a deep sense of responsibility and can be very successful in their career, depending on the rest of the chart.

Saturn in the 7th house: Saturn, the planet of restriction and blockages, sitting on the 7th house of partnerships can make a native go through a lot of trial and error when it comes to one on one relationships. These people could be shy and fear intimacy due to their self esteem especially when they're young. Since Saturn is very karmic in nature, these people could attract toxic relationships or partners that don't fit well with them in order to learn necessary lessons. These people should be careful of going into business with people and also should be careful of divorce settlements (sign that prenup!)

Positives: After Saturn return, these natives will finally meet an adequate partner and since the universe put them through trial and error, they'll be ready for it. Has meaningful life long friendships.

Chiron opposite ASC/Chiron in the 7th house: These peoples' lessons come in the form of lovers. Betrayal, deceit, heartbreak, and infidelity can make their way into these natives lives. It doesn't have to be those themes although it can be. Depending on the sign of your 7th house, those are the themes that'll teach you the lessons and open up old wounds. For example: Leo in the 7th house (Aquarius rising) you may attract and deal with partners who, worst case scenario, are selfish, egotistical, and want everything to revolve around them. This could trigger your childhood in which your parents fought with each other and forgot about you in the process. Another example is Aries descendent (Libra rising) you may deal with partners who are aggressive, dominating, and maybe even violent. This could trigger old wounds from childhood: maybe you lived in a home where domestic violence was prevalent. You get the idea.

Positives: You're not doomed in love by the way, it's just 7th house signs and their themes that will show up throughout your life. The examples I used were pretty extreme to get the point across. The positive here is that most of the time, the themes are much more discreet. For the 7th house Chiron in Leo example I used, it could be that your partner is self centered and you recognize and treat this. Could be an easy lesson learned (well it better be because if not it's gonna keep showing up).

Chiron in the 11th house: Chiron in the 11th house is a placement I personally have using Placidus. These natives never feel like they fit in, they feel like they're looked at as the outcast, like they don't belong. This is usually the consequences of being bullied as a child and made to feel less than. These people could go through a hard time in life where they have no friends and feel like they have no one to turn to. Loneliness could be a prominent theme in their lives especially when they're young. Chiron in the 11th house would rather have one on one connections than be part of a friend group.

Positives: Could be an advocate for people sharing similar experiences, knows how to be a good friend, values friendships and knows how to be alone.

Chiron conjunct Pluto: I have this one! I've noticed that certain painful experiences; death, heartache, betrayal, rejection affect me SO much. Growing up my mom would just brush these things off and say that they're a part of life. But to me, these things would happen and I would grow to fear them immensely. For example; my grandmother who I was super close to passed away when I was 17 and ever since then I've been terrified of my parents dying. Painful experiences really change people with this aspect, for better or for worse.

Positives: These people are forced to confront their deepest fears which in turn makes them stronger. They have the power to transform themselves after traumatic events.

Lilith in the 1st house: Lilith is the exact opposite of what "women should be" which rubs people, men specifically, the wrong way. It also rubs older generations the wrong way or whoever believes in traditional gender roles. Here in the 1st house, these natives embody Lilith which, you guessed it, rubs people the wrong way. They usually have trauma related to males trying to put them down or put them in their place, even as a child. Growing up, adult women could talk about them negatively as well. Everywhere they go, there's people that look at them sideways; they're either disgusted or intrigued. They often experience people hating them for "no reason". The real reason for this reaction is because they make people feel threatened just by being. They were also sexualized from a young age and could've had older people, mostly men, commenting on their bodies.

Positives: Extremely magnetic and alluring, blessed with beauty, intense aura and presence, always gets what they want.

Lilith in the 10th house: Similar to Lilith in the 1st house, these natives have a tendency to set people off just by being themselves. This creates a lot of disturbance in the workplace; people either love them or hate them but either way their reaction to them is extreme. Male authority can either sexualize them or belittle them making the workplace uncomfortable. Lilith being Lilith here, they may use this power to their advantage and climb the ranks so to speak. Rumors about them swirl around the workplace because people are just obsessed.

Positives: Strong people, very attractive, can use their good looks to their advantage, will grow to be a boss.

18° in Personal Planets/1st house/6th house/8th house: 18° is the shadow side of Virgo. Having this degree could indicate serious illness, tragedy, and critical misfortunes playing a role in your life. This doesn't have to be the native themselves experiencing these things, but it will affect them whether that be through family, a partner, friendships, etc.

Positives: I feel like this could be true but not always so if you have this degree anywhere you're most likely safe. But then again you might not be. Good luck. :)

🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿💙🧿

I'm definitely forgetting a bajillion placements but it's all so negative so I'm going to end here. I'm not trying to be negative I'm just shining a light on certain placements because they're fucking hard to deal with!!!

To the people that say no placement is bad or negative: how does it feel to have rainbows and sunshine shooting out of your fucking ass?! Be forreal.

Life is hard, we all know that. How could we appreciate the fortunes if we didn't have misfortunes? For all the negative there will be positive too. Here's to all of us and our shitty fucking placements 🎉

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Your stories have definitely scratched that Astarion itch that I've had since I started the game!

One thing that's diffently not sat right with me at the end of the game, is how tav and the gang don't run after astarion after he loses his immunity to the sun. I would imagine that if the player character was romantically involved with the guy they would atleast try to shield or comfort the poor guy. A short drabble on that would be awesome!

That's so sad, I heard that's what happens 😭😭 I'm in act 3 and haven't had to see it for myself yet so yes, let's do some preemptive therapy there! And just warning since I haven't beaten the game yet I'm sure this will be inaccurate as fuck, but also with spoilers somehow ~

~

It was an exhilarating feeling, to win against all odds. One that Astarion had never been confident he would experience. It felt good, final. The official beginning of his new free life, even if it was bittersweet.

This was the bitter part, the end of his illithid protection. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon, and the burn was already starting. He was being an idiot, standing there with the rest of you like he belonged, waiting for the last possible second before he had to scuttle down in the darkness. But he wanted to see this out. Hadn't he earned that right?

According to the laws of reality, no. No he hadn't, because you had barely opened your mouth before the pain started to overwhelm him. The others would be able to hear it, the sickening sound of his skin crackling.

He was out of time. But before he could make a break for it, you happened. Astarion had been a little preoccupied with his impending doom to pay close attention to what you had been mumbling. But then sudden blackness was blanketing above your heads, opaque enough to make it as dark as night.

Astarion's eyes widened as the pain subsided, surprised beyond belief.

You were looking at him with concern in your eyes, gesturing to the think cloud of darkness above your head, "Will this be dark enough? Can it still get through?"

Astarion stared at you, momentarily confused on why you would do something like that. Before he remembered, oh. Yes. The extended care for his well-being was probably included in the whole love thing. Of course. Obviously.

That was definitely going to take some getting used to.

But the reasoning didn't stop an idiotic smile from blooming on his face.

You grinned back at him, somehow still managing to read his mind even without the tadpoles, "Did you really think I would forget about you?"

He had, but through no fault of your own. One of these days he was going to actually remember that he was worth the effort to keep alive.

"Thank you darling," Astarion said, ignoring the quested as he waltzed up to you. He grabbed your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to kiss, "Just what would I do without you?"

"Speaking of," You turned to the Emperor, a question in your eyes as you vaguely waved upward, "Is there anything we can do about this particular problem?"

"The astral tadpole is still-"

"I'll pass on that, thank you very much," Astarion interrupted, cringing at the very thought of willingly letting another worm into his brain, "But I appreciate the thought."

There were worse things than living his life in darkness. And Astarion was counting becoming a mind flayer in the top three.

He watched, participated even in everyone's final goodbyes, always eyeing you at of the corner of his eye. It's not that he thought you would leave after you both declared your eternal love for each other, but... the two of you hadn't exactly talked about the specifics of the future either.

But that didn't stop you from leaving together. Astarion hadn't expected you to keep the dark cloud above his head as you walked the streets, startling nearly every passerby. But hells, the heroes of Baldur's gate had earned the right to a little strangeness.

You both had decided on going to the nearest, most windowless inn that you could find. Astarion wanted nothing more than to scrub the brain viscera from his skin and sleep for three days. Preferably with you in his arms.

But before all that... he had to know something.

The question was out of him as soon as you both were behind closed doors, "So what happens next to the great hero of Baldur's Gate? I'm sure you have something in mind."

He was just praying those future plans still involved him.

You blinked at him, head cocked like he was asking a silly question, "We go and find you a cure so you can walk in the sun again of course. What else would we do?"

That took Astarion aback, "I-Do you think that's really possible?"

"Well," You started, counting off on your fingers, "We know that illithid powers can do it. As well as devil contacts and ritualistic demon sacrifices. If that's all possible then that means there has to be something else on the other end of the spectrum, right?"

Astarion didn't exactly share your blind confidence. But you did have a point. The two of you had managed so many impossible feats in such a short amount of time. What was one more?

"I suppose there's a chance," Astarion said, hope fluttering in his chest with every word, "And if there is a chance no matter how small, I'm going to take it. But..."

He didn't want to ask, but he needed to know, "Are you sure this is what you want? I would... understand if you wanted to go your own way."

In all honesty, Astarion would not understand. He'd be absolutely furious. Especially after everything you'd been through. This was more of a confirmation for his waning self-confidence than anything else, versus a sincere to desire to let you go your own way. He had no intention of letting you go, not if he could help it.

But his near certainty in your feelings was the only thing that gave him the confidence to ask the question in the first place. And you did not disappoint.

"No, this is what I want," You insisted, reaching out to take his hand in yours, "You're what I want."

That was exactly what Astarion needed to hear. He used your joined hands to tug you closer, face to face.

"Good, because as selfless as I am, I really did not want to let you go," Astarion smiled, leaning in to lightly press a kiss to your lips, "I hope you realize that my love has made me a tad bit obsessed with you my dear."

"I'm sure it's no worse than me," You sighed, resting your forehead against his own, "You've really ruined me for anyone else haven't you?"

Astarion grinned, leaning in for another kiss. He had every intention of making it stay that way, for as long as you would have him.

[catalinas-cure]

bitter fuck

A/N: okay so this is my first work since not writing since last summer 😭 , probably gonna make a part 2 of when reader & jj get back to the château. requests are open! lmk if I forgot any tags and as always, comments are appreciated 🤗.

summary: you mess up and make it up to jj in the back of john b's van (in front of rafe's house ☠️)

word count: ~2k

tags: eventual smut with bsf!jj/implied fem!reader/ oral in the twinkie/mentions of/jj forcefully getting you into the van

you'd never admit it but you loved how overprotective your bestfriend, jj, was. Just nice to know he cared, sometimes too much for people to believe you two were really just friends.

and could you blame him? It's not like you really tried to keep out of trouble. he kept you in check and you tried to do the same for him.

tonight's argument between the two of you was about none other than rafe cameron, you knew better than to hang around him, especially after what he and barry had put jj through.

pacing back and forth though the château he tried to reason with you.

"i'm looking out for you, okay? would you stop being difficult for a second?" he sits down on the couch, placing his hat in his lap and his face in his palms.

"you don't know what he'd do just to piss me off, what he'd do to you. really think I'd just let you go off with someone like that?" jj half laughs.

"let me go?" you scoff, getting up from the couch.

"sorry! I guess I forgot that I'm not allowed to go anywhere without your permission, that's what you're saying right?" you blurted.

"i'm leaving, don't wait up for me." you snatch your purse and walk out the door, slamming it in your fit of short lived anger.

"fuck!" jj covers his face with a pillow, all he wants to do is keep you safe but you make it so hard for him but fine! If you want to be like that then so be it.

you took off on your bike, putting in your earphones to silence the thoughts of regret you were having.

It wasn't hard for jj to find you, he had your location after all. It just scared him that you couldn't hear the twinkie creeping up behind you when you were pulling up to the front of the cameron's house.

kicking your kickstand to finally come to a stop and calm yourself before you go inside, you start feeling tinges of regret, maybe you should just go back to the château and hope he forgives you...

it's already too late though because jj is right behind you, trying to be as silent as possible. he puts a hand over your mouth and an arm around your waist.

you already know who it is so you don't freak out, feeling oddly more relaxed than you did a second ago. putting your own hand over the one he had covering your mouth. looking up at him, you take in that crazed look he has, eyes dilated so much that you can barely see the blue in them, his usual shit-eating grin replaced with a blank expression

"don't scream…...okay? can you do that for me? hm?" he questions, waiting until you nod "yes" to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder, placing a calloused hand on your ass for whatever reason, you wince at the unfamiliar but not unwelcome feeling.

opening the door to the twinkie with one hand, he places you into back and puts a finger to your mouth, gesturing you to keep quiet.

he goes and gets your bike, hitching it to the bike rack on the back of the van.

finally, sliding the side door open and climbing into the back with you. "so." he says, crossing his arms.

"do you wanna talk now?" he sighs

you crawl on your knees to him and bury your head into his chest, or try to at least. He grabs you by your shoulders and sits you up "are you fuckin' serious, weren't you just trying to go to rafe's house, you ditch me and still try to act like nothing happened?"

he pushes away from you.

"i'm sorry, okay! i fucked up, i was just mad, i should've listened." you wait for him to look back at you but he doesn't. "jay, please, I'm sorry, okay?" you plead, starting to get desperate.

you scooch closer to him and put your hand on his back, trying to break through the distance between you two. "you're my best friend, I know you were just trying to look out for me, l'll listen next time. I promise.” putting your head on his shoulder, hoping he'll forgive you.

"you wanted to go be with rafe so bad, didn't you? go then, i don't care anymore." he laughs "let that dirty kook have you, that's what you want, isn't it? I can't protect you from yourself anymore."

he expects you to go back into the house, his brow raising as he realizes you're starting to cry. "now what? you're not gonna go?" grabbing you by the chin, he wipes your tears.

"speak, c'mon. you're a big girl, use your words." he says harshly, making your muffled cries grow louder. “don't get all shy on me now, where's that attitude you had in the house? can't have rafe seeing you like this, can we?" jj lets go of your chin and cups the side of your face instead, brushing his rough thumb over your soft, tear streaked face.

"don't...wanna go, jay, just wanna stay with you" You mutter, looking up at jj through your lashes, trying to suppress your shaky voice.

“all of a sudden…..don't wanna do what you came for anymore, hm? don't play dumb, I know you like the back of my hand" he says.

he's not mad, he's just disappointed, which is worse. your lip starts to quiver and you try to cover your face out of embarrassment.

"hey.." he calls "you're really not gonna go?" he questions. you wipe your face with the back of your hand and shake your head "no".

"good, that's what I fuckin' thought, c'mere" he motions for you to come to him, laying back on the cushions in the twinkie.

you crawl in between his legs and lay over his chest, a familiar warmth washes over you, you feel safest like this. " 'm sorry, jayj, won't do it again." you sniffle.

"trust me, you won't” jj smacks your ass and sits you right on his lap, the shit-eating grin you love so much finally returning. "still mad at you, y'know." he whispers in your ear

"i'll make it up to you, 'kay?" you start unbuckling his belt, his mouth hanging agape. "shit, forgot to ask, is this okay?" you stop dead in your tracks "mhm, ‘s okay" he answers, eyes starting to gloss over.

you go right back to work, tossing his belt aside and starting to unbutton his pants, looking right at him again "jay, please don't go quiet on me, say whatever you want, just wanna hear you..." you admit

"my bad, i, uh... just been imagining something like this forever. kinda in shock, y'know." he shrugs, trying to avoid eye contact. “take these off for me." you borderline demand.

"yes ma'am." he immediately slips his jeans off of him, fidgeting with his hands, impatiently waiting for you to touch him again.

"need you to look at me when i suck it, can you do that for me?" you ask, palming his erection "i’ll try...” he whines at your touch, starting to get needy.

you slip your hand under the waistband of his boxers, biting your lip as you finally free his aching cock, already leaking precum.

"you okay there? you're allowed to talk, y’know?" you let out a giggle, trying not to burst out laughing at how jj is looking at you right now, like this is all he's ever wanted.

“is it bad that I kinda want rafe to come out here and see you with my dick all in your mouth? cum all over your mouth, my cum." he laughs, eyes fluttering open again at you brushing your thumb over his sensitive tip.

jj winces at your touch, voice starting to catch in his throat “hey..” he meets your gaze as you finally take him in your mouth, causing his eyes to clench shut. “fuck...a little bit of a warning would've been nice." he mewls.

you look away, trying to keep him from seeing you struggle to deep throat his cock. he throws his head back in pleasure, nearly hitting it on his own motorcycle helmet he'd thrown back there forever ago.

"try to stay still, can you do that for me, jay?" he nods frantically, tossing the helmet into the drivers seat of the van. you pump him in your hands a few times "stop teasing me...fuckin' shit." he pants.

he was so beautiful like this, pupils widening at your every touch, his hair a mess, and his face flushed pretty shades of pinks and reds.

you start up again, feeling him hit the back of your throat, you feel a familiar wetness pooling in between your thighs so you try to hurry up in making him cum so you can get to the château and finish what you started.

almost feeling like you're dreaming, jj’s sweet moans bring you back you to earth. " 'm gonna cum...fuck." he gasps as you swirl your tongue around his throbbing head.

soon enough his hips start to buck into your mouth, spurting thick, hot ropes of his seed onto your tongue. his hands quick to root themselves deep into your hair to keep himself from shaking so hard.

you pull off of him, wiping your lips as fast as you can and opening the side door up again to try to get into the passenger's seat, ready to get home. JJ grips your wrist, pulling you back into the van and shuts the door "you're really just gonna get up and leave after that?" he sighs.

you inch towards him, finally curling up in his lap on the seats in the back, waiting for him to speak again. he runs his fingers over your back then raises your face to his eye level. "look at me." he says, wiping the spit from earlier off your chin and tucking some loose hair strands behind your ear. putting his hands on your shoulders, he stops and takes a good look at you.

"you're bigger than i thought you'd be, y'know..” you say, trying to get rid of the uncomfortable silence between the two of you. a wheeze escaping his biten lips. “wow, okay” he smirks, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "so you've thought about it then? i don't know if i should be offended or not" jj teases, his singular dimple becoming visible with how big he's grinning.

"no, no, it's a good thing! I think..." you giggle, beginning to play with his already tousled hair, pursing your lips in amusement at how the situation had changed so quickly.

you snap out of your hazy state and noticed the strange look on his face, gaze flickering from your lips then back up to your eyes as he starts to lean in closer to you. "hi.” he whispers sweetly. "nono, jj, back up!" you laugh, playfully covering your face, feeling him pressing soft, quick kisses on your check and down your neck.

you two roll around in the back until jj has you pinned underneath him, one hand holding the both of your wrists above your head and the other one wiping the sweat off his forehead. "are you gonna behave?" he huffs.

"no." you tease, kneeing him in the chest. "can I kiss you, for real this time? he asks. “you literally came in my mouth not too long ago, no!" you stated. he lets go of your wrists and rubs the back of his neck, waiting a bit before he sighs. " i don't care, y’know, i’ll still kiss you..” almost staring into your soul at this point. you can tell he's serious.

"okay?" he questions, "alright..." you say, letting him take over. jj places his hands behind your neck and begins biting at your already swollen bottom lip, the both of you laughing as your foreheads bump together.

finally, he kisses you properly for the first time in all the years you two have known eachother and it just feels right, like everything will be okay.

“that was nice." you plant a kiss on his forehead, wanting to stay like this for just a little bit longer. “don't know why we waited so long. not that i'm complaining." he smirks.

this is what you both needed, what you two craved all this time. and it was finally yours.

[shalotttower]

Fractalize (part 1)

Title: Fractalize

Fandom: Hunter x Hunter

Summary: Lack of hope creates a strange kind of numbness.

Word count: 3700+

Characters: Chrollo x Reader (female)

Notes: yandere Chrollo, kidnapped, depressed and miserable Reader, Reader is dissociating a lot, morbid pondering, suicidal thoughts, explicit/triggering language/words, Reader's thoughts on possible sexual assault in future. Part 2

Fractalize - making things into smaller copies of themselves over and over again.

Sometimes you stand in front of a mirror and try to picture yourself in another timeline. One where your life didn’t take this specific turn. You try to imagine a different setting, a different apartment - perhaps the one you had before Chrollo started moving you around like a luggage bag. Maybe living in a cottage by the sea or an old farmhouse. Someplace rural, peaceful. With a garden and fresh air, far away from the city noises.

It's difficult at first, your reflection keeps slipping through your mental fingers every time you think the image is set in place. But with practice it becomes easier, sort of, so you can now see yourself clearly as you brush your hair - not here.

A blue dress on, made for nights at parties with friends. Laughing until your stomach hurts and eyes become sore. Making silly faces over alcoholic beverages. Or you can wear your favourite jeans with a high waist and head out to the pub, the same one with crooked stools and a broken sign. Drink cheep bear, eat greasy peanuts from a little bowl, listen to some small band play unknown and unheard songs.

Leave intoxicated, and everything is too fast and vibrant and wonderful until you're back home.

It's your favourite pastime now: imagine, remake and slip.

Imagine. Remake. Slip.

You don't quite remember the last time you laughed, a month ago maybe. Maybe more. Lack of hope creates a strange kind of numbness, dull, cold, you would compare it to a winter plastered all over your insides, but it's almost colder than that. It freezes everything and turns it into icicles hanging off the roof.

Remake, slip.

You have new vocabulary now.

"Mm" - is for when he asks you if you like a dress or a top and it doesn't matter how you actually feel about it, because it's going to end up being worn anyway.

"Okay" - is for when Chrollo sets another fancy meal for you on a dinner table and "Eat, don't be shy".

"I'm not hungry" - doesn't work with him, even if it's the truth. You always eat what's put in front of you, that's the rule, because he's not above shoving the spoon into your mouth, so you spare yourself the tears and sobs that will probably come with that. It's so bizarre: how much effort he puts into keeping you alive when you're anything but.

"Whatever you want" - is for when he asks you something that requires a choice, between two or three options usually. He's not one for an extensive list.

"If you say so" - for everything else.

You used to delude yourself with the idea that if you managed to appear pleasant enough, pleasant-talking, pleasant-listening, smiling a bit here and there, it would gain you some privileges and perhaps a bit more freedom. It did. But never where it really mattered. Those little things were absolutely inconsequential in the grand scheme. Yes, you can have that sweater, dear. No, you can't have your own bed. Yes, you can come shopping with me, if you give me a kiss. No, you can't take walks without me holding your hand.

Yes this and no that.

Those moments were fragile and so very takeable that they didn't give you any sense of accomplishment, just a short respite and bitter aftertaste that made you feel pathetic.

Wasn't worth it.

***

"Do you like animals, dear?" Chrollo asks out of the blue one day. He's reading something on his tablet while you're curled up on the couch, watching TV.

It's a new series that's been on the major channels for a few weeks, a mystery drama about a girl who moves into a house she inherited from her grandfather. The picture provides a distraction enough to have you forgetting where you are for a brief period three times a week.

You pull the blanket higher. "I do."

He knows it.

The girl on the screen finds a mysterious box hidden in the attic. Perhaps there's something valuable inside. Or information about her grandpa; your fingers tug on a loose blanket thread without much thought.

"What kind?"

Or maybe it's just a time capsule with photos and postcards and random objects collected over the years.

Or-

You had a cat before he took you. A foster grey ragdoll with blue eyes who liked to rest on your belly and bump her head against your chin. You called her Miss Whiskerton and kissed her little nose, because she did act like a proper lady - poised, dignified and entirely too proud to eat food mixed with medicine. The worst enemy Miss Whiskerton has ever had in her cat life was the corner of your couch. When you weren't paying attention, she would dig her claws into the fabric and leave thin lines. You hope that someone took her in.

She probably thought you abandoned her.

"Cats."

Chrollo hums in acknowledgment and continues scrolling through whatever he's looking at - maybe news or auction listings, you don't know nor do you really care. You shift under the blanket, pulling your legs closer to your body.

"We can get one, if you'd like."

"No."

Your answer is immediate and short, without thinking. You know it, you know him by now - there's nothing Chrollo does out of spontaneous generosity, it always benefits him in some way. And you've studied him enough to figure that any pet would only be a tool to keep you tamed and compliant. Puppies make life better. Happier, lighter, with goofy smiling faces and wiggling tails. Cats make life better with soft purrs and paws stomping on your chest. They're too easy to love.

"Why not?" There's a sound of tablet set on a wooden surface.

The girl on the screen is trying to solve a combination lock on the box when the TV switches off and your little world of carefully shot scenes and scripted lines vanishes. You don't need to turn around to guess where's the remote.

She almost had it, but now you won't know what's inside until Thursday evening.

Your reflection stares back from the dead screen, blank-faced and with a blanket pulled up your nose. It tickles a bit. "Because I don't want one."

A chair creaks. "Why?"

You close your eyes shut for a moment before opening them again. This is tiring. Always probing, digging, pushing. Trying to find chinks in your armor, but all you're wearing is just a flimsy dress with thin straps and a blanket you wish could swallow you whole.

"Don't need it."

"You said you like animals," Chrollo sits next to you and places a hand on top of your covered legs. He squeezes your thigh and you stare ahead, wishing he would just leave you alone tonight.

"I do." Your fingers twitch under the blanket, nails scratching at the fabric.

Strange. Sometimes it feels like he understands perfectly that you want to be alone, have time for yourself and don't want his constant physical presence. At the same time Chrollo brushes this all aside like old tin foil wrappers - insignificant. He pulls the blanket down and you cling on it stubbornly for a few seconds before letting go. His thumb and index finger grasp your chin and turn your face towards him so you have no choice but to meet his eyes.

There's such still intensity within him that made your skin crawl whenever he looked at you with this much focus and attention. You don't know what he saw there most times, it used to be fear or anger or sadness - right now it's none of these things. Everything inside you feels jammed and stiff.

"We should get a fish then," he continues, brushing hair out of your forehead. "You can watch it swim around, wouldn't that be nice?"

Chrollo talks to you like this sometimes, as if you're a child who needs to be convinced to eat veggies or take medicine. Like you're simple-minded and he's reasoning with you out of good will. It's sickening. You hate it.

"I don't want a pet," you repeat the words slowly. "If you're going to give me something only to take it away, then I don't want it."

His finger leisurely stroking your chin pauses at the edge of your bottom lip. Something flickers behind his eyes, it's barely noticeable but you've become good at catching those minuscule shifts. He smiles, yet there's nothing joyful about it. "Take it away? Why would I do that, dear?"

"Because that's what you do. Because that's how you are." You don't try to pull free from his hold, he'll only tighten it; not enough to hurt, no, he is too suave and polished for that - or wants to appear so - but enough for you to feel trapped under his palm.

There's something off about you, you can tell, but are not quite able to discern what or where. It sits in the very structure of your bones and eats away with ravenous appetite. An imbalance in the gut. Fever-warm body, cold fingers. Thoughts like potholes.

"And how am I exactly, according to you?" His voice is light, playful, a stark contrast to his eyes that study you with unnerving precision. Chrollo rarely loses his temper and never gets violent with you (yet, you correct yourself), but he has other ways of expressing displeasure, and they're petty, ugly and cold.

"Cruel," the word rolls off your tongue so effortlessly that almost frightens you; it's easy to tell the truth when you're this numb.

He looks taken aback for a split second, and the smile freezes. His hand stops midway to your hair. Then everything's gone.

Chrollo releases you and leans back into the cushions, almost thoughtful, like your observation is something that requires careful consideration.

"I suppose, it depends," he says finally.

"On what?"

"On how you choose to see things. Your perspective is bound to be biased, dear."

You don't respond.

To continue this conversation would be pointless and circular, like running on a treadmill, like everything else between you and Chrollo, really. He simply has too many answers to any possible argument, and no matter how convincing you manage to make them sound, he'll poke holes into each one. You don't want a fish. Or a cat. Or a dog, a bird, anything that moves and breathes and looks at you with big, trusting eyes.

Chrollo is cruel. Not in a way that's straightforward and brutal. Not in a way of someone who'd tear your limbs apart or rip off a fly's wing to see it wiggle. You have no doubt that he is capable of such a thing, but that would be uncouth. Cruelty in his case is a quieter, more delicate affair - in a way of a sculptor who'd chisel off everything unnecessary and unneeded, no matter the size or significance, to produce something entirely his.

His hands are soft, his voice is always composed, and he wears well tailored clothes. But the rest is sharp, clean and merciless.

"I think I'll go to bed," you say and push away the blanket.

"It's early."

"Mm."

He takes your hand just as you're about to slide off the sofa. Chrollo's always faster than you, always ahead and always observing, and that little realization while bitter is not so shocking anymore, more like another fact that you file away from your interactions.

You watch him. Wait.

"You're distraught," he says. "But you should know by now that there's no need for that."

Your hand remains in his grasp, limp and heavy.

"I don't enjoy seeing you upset, dear. Even more if you make false conclusions."

You turn to see the expression on his face - and there isn't one, at least not the type that most people would make. There are no frowning eyebrows, no clenched jaw that would indicate irritation, nothing like that.

"You're giving me too little credit," his tone is quiet as he runs his fingers up and down your wrist. "My intentions are not to hurt you. They are much, much sweeter than that."

"But you would," you say quietly and lean closer, ignoring the obvious implication behind his words. There is a hollow sensation inside of your head that prompts you to speak, everything is hollow - body and mind, heart, the space in your guts, your throat. "You would hurt me, if that's what you thought was necessary. Rip me apart and leave me deformed beyond repair, to fit into whatever framework you've laid, you would do that."

You're not being deliberately cryptic or fatalistic. These are your observations, based on a period of months spent together. They take root in no one being there for you anymore, in your phone which is long gone, in your closed accounts, your missing laptop and old clothes, the entire previous life in the city that has been discarded for something new. Chrollo was very methodical, you can give him that.

He doesn't listen, he studies your responses. Every single word. He has a talent for that, for absorbing everything about you while hardly ever letting you glimpse his interior - all that you know about him are tiny slivers which you picked up through living together, observation, accidental bits.

You expect him to contradict your statement, to offer a logical explanation why you're wrong, but instead Chrollo brings your hand to his lips and presses a kiss against your knuckles. The touch is light and dry.

"You're not entirely wrong, dear," he says and moves closer until you can smell his aftershave, something fresh.

His proximity is uncomfortable, it always is and probably always will be.

"I'm right then," you say.

"No," he keeps your hand in his grasp. "But you're not entirely wrong either. That's what makes you interesting."

There's a strange kind of fondness in his voice, it's subtle, yet undeniably present. You've never felt less interesting in your life, in a dress with thin straps that's too fancy for a lazy day at home and your bare feet and tangled hair.

"If you say so," you respond and slowly tug your hand free. "I really want to sleep now."

You get up, and he lets you go without another proposition. The blanket falls off onto the sofa, and before you slip into the semi-darkness of the bedroom, he says,

"Not beyond repair. But I like to believe we can both agree it doesn't have to come to that."

***

The drive feels endless. Houses and streets blur in a mix of colors, shapes and people, which soon change to an empty highway with greenery on both sides. Trees and fields, tall grass swaying gently in the wind and rare cars passing you by. Chrollo's hand is resting on your leg; he hasn't moved it since the car started, but you choose to ignore it in favor of your regular pastime, the one that's made of imaginary worlds and places where the timeline stretches differently.

Mostly it's just you and the layout of your fake apartment.

Imagine, remake, slip. Repeat the steps until it becomes muscle memory.

You have this daydream on loop now. Wooden floor and wide windows, lots of sunlight. Books everywhere, comfy clothes and not a single skirt in your closet. A cup of tea with honey in the morning, and Miss Whiskerton curled into a soft grey ball on your lap. You feed her salmon in a shiny bowl, occasionally she catches a lizard outside and drops the tail on your doorstep as an offering, looking immensely proud of herself.

A smile slips on your face without meaning to, a wobbly thing; you promptly wipe it off.

It would be a crime to show such blatant joy. This fantasy has become so sweetly personal that every fiber of your being resists even acknowledging it in front of Chrollo. He can sense a stray happy thought from miles away, like a hound, and will never stop prodding until everything is raw and tender. You've learned to say less in his presence, especially if it's something that has you invested. Chrollo knows how to pick things apart.

You lean your cheek against the glass. This world would never happen, never in a million years, but dreaming doesn't hurt anyone, does it?

Your grandma, wearing an apron, sets a tray filled with fresh pastries on a table, because she's amazing like that. She fusses and worries and pretends to scold you. For not calling enough, for not coming sooner, for not eating well. For leaving.

"Dear."

You almost jump.

Chrollo's voice brings you back where his hand is heavy on your leg, you're wearing a dress above the knee and aren't allowed to use scissors or knives.

"Mm?"

"That frown of yours," he says, turning into a small road. The surroundings change again, it's quiet here, not a soul in sight. "It's been there for fifteen minutes now."

You sit up straight and move your hair out of your eyes. Chrollo's a perceptive one, so this is a reminder not to sink too deep around him, unless you absolutely need it.

"Was just thinking."

"You do it a lot lately," he states and looks at you from the corner of his eye.

True, but you have no intention to confirm it. First, he won't like the reason behind these thoughts. Second, he will dig and try to worm his way in. No. Most of what you've been fixating on, staring out of the window like a mindless drone, or reading and rereading pages that you barely grasped, would fail to create anything more complex in his heart than desire to pull it out.

For whatever twisted reason, Chrollo cares for your well-being, or, more precisely, your acceptance of his advances. Yet his way of caring isn't nurturing in any sense.

Chrollo's interest (you don't dare call it love) is crushing, too heavy to carry - he'll find what troubles you and "fix it" in way that will twist it into something pathetic. Something that shows how you have nothing else to cling on but him. You're not stupid enough to keep falling into this trap. Being a slow learner doesn't mean you don't learn at all.

He's done it before. He'll do it again. So you reply, "I haven't noticed."

His thumb rubs circles on your thigh; you press your shoulder against the car door as if hoping it might open. It doesn't, much to your disappointment.

"What was on your mind then?"

Something you shouldn't tell him, that's for sure. Chrollo's watching you, even if his eyes are trained on the road.

"Random stuff," you say. Half-truths, half-truths are safe. "A weird dream I had this morning."

If you bothered to look, you'd see a raised eyebrow and the faintest hint of amusement at the corners of his mouth. You don't.

"Tell me."

You hate when he does that.

"It was boring."

"I'm interested in anything that made you so pensive."

Chrollo likes conversations with you, even if they're short. You can tell that he does, or he wouldn't be trying to make you talk and getting subtly frustrated when you choose not to. It never shows outright, Chrollo is very gifted at keeping his calm exterior, but there are certain giveaways like the slight tightening of his hand, an emphasized "dear", a pause here, or a quiet exhale through the nose. You could make a list out of these.

If you ignore him, he gets quiet and handsy or petty enough to throw away the only dress you feel comfortable in. Stop bringing you new books. Take you to places you hate.

It's always the small things that kill you, not the big, dramatic ones. The devils in the details.

"There was a lizard," you begin, and he hums in response, prompting you to continue. "It was cute with brown spots and a tiny tail."

Lies weave themselves easily, intertwine with truths and turn it into something that resembles a story.

"It was sitting on my windowsill and I wanted to pet it. A cat came out of nowhere and almost ate it, then I woke up. It's a silly dream."

There. Nothing to dissect here, not that you can see. Just a nonsensical dream, filled with random happenings and strange emotions.

"And that's why you frowned for fifteen minutes?"

"Yes, I got sad."

Yes, you think. Yes, Chrollo. I frowned, because I care for the damn lizard that doesn't exist, an animal from a dream. A stupid musing, nothing special, a very mundane and simple thing, because people do have silly dreams sometimes, and it's not a crime. It's not a crime and has nothing to do with that fact that I have a whole dream world where I'm not with you in my head.

"How peculiar. You never struck me as the type to get upset over something like this."

"You never asked," you respond flatly and Chrollo's hand on your thigh moves an inch.

It brushes up, closer to where you really, really don't want it to be, so you squeeze his fingers hard and redirect them to the curve of your knee.

"True," he says after a pause, not sounding too bothered. A month ago you would've brushed his hand off completely, probably that's why. Chrollo is convinced that with enough patience and effort he'll be able to close that final barrier between you both. Time, coaxing, a dose or two of endearment, some carefully calculated touch - but you'd rather stick a knife through your ribs than have sex with him. Or his patience will simply run out and he'll rape you. You're not delusional. Not a fool. "Well, that can be fixed. I'll make sure to ask about your dreams more often, dear."

You lean back into the seat and stare ahead, this time without anything pleasant on your mind. Of course he will. Of course he'll take this as a sign to dig deeper and invade that small bit of solace, Chrollo can't simply co-exist. He wants it all.

"Mm," you say.

Your new vocabulary is such a handy thing.

[cyjammy]

Vox and Alastor’s Dynamic is so FUN

Hazbin Hotel Season 1 Episode 2 Spoilers ahead!

I have to talk about Vox and Alastor’s “rivalry”. I love how Alastor just couldn’t care less, he’s witty, he’s emotionless and that makes him all the more powerful.

Well, not emotionless since he does express outward disgust towards anything digital, but the fact he can keep himself composed because he knows he is the shit and that’s what makes him my absolute favorite.

That showed through in the pilot and the show didn’t fail to deliver. I love how he’s handled. Viv’s characterization is wonderful.

Most fics I have read with Alastor have shown him as vunerable despite the story never alluding to that and it’s such a breath of fresh air to have canon content of Alastor being his authentic self.

My god do I love a character that’s strong and not swayed by emotion, but they can be handled well too. I.E. VOX oh my god. Every fanon had him pegged down as the victim to Val’s wrath, but he’s the mastermind behind the scenes. A complete subversion of everyone’s expectations. And that’s for another post I’m about to go crazy on, but I digress.

Vox is a man up in his ivory electronic tower with villainous intentions, but he falls short because of emotion!

Handling Velvet’s demands to get Val together? A quick pep talk with himself and he’s got it.

Addressing unforeseen circumstances with concerned sinners? Easy.

But Alastor?

He sees RED. He let Valentino have it when he even thought about going on a rampage over a sinner under his thumb.

When it comes to Alastor, Vox goes on a hate campaign and makes a fool of himself.

Meanwhile, Alastor was minding his business, and Vox couldn’t deal with that.

So much so he causes a blackout in the Wrath ring!

Why? Because of his rejection sensitivity.

He is this all powerful overlord with companions in his rule and when he asks someone of similar station to become his equal he gets rejected.

It’s unheard of for him. He cannot fathom it.

Because that makes Alastor a factor he cannot control.

Val says that Alastor “almost beat him”. Val may not have witnessed that fight and Vox spun it around to claim he came out on top.

But if he did, he definitely wouldn’t let Alastor get away.

Valentino and Vox have known each other for a long time, as shown in a photo in the background in the episode.

So either this spat began before they had met and Vox lied or Valentino witnessed it. I'm excited to see which way that goes.

In terms of influence, Alastor seems to win that battle. Vox is in charge of electrical currents and anything in the digital space.

Alastor is so far removed from that Vox has no influence over him. He refuses to be involved with new technology.

But with Vox having an army of sinners under his wing through subliminal messaging, he had security and power.

With Alastor’s return he brings CHARISMA and he’s doing it SO FUCKING WELL.

This is not a battle, it’s a slaughter, and Alastor is WINNING. With television there are so many ways to captivate a viewer but with radio all the host has is their voice and personality. It all has to be shown in a medium that doesn’t have many options for uniqueness.

Alastor defends himself with grace. He throws out compliments to his fellow overlords while still having it be a slight to the man who began the fight.

THE Vs ARE PREENING AT HIS PRAISE. THIS MAN IS GOATED.

It's night and day, but that's probably because Valentino and Velvet are tired of Vox's shit. I love this parallel so much!

Vox needed to be the person he was with Valentino at all times if this is a battle he wants to win, but he’s so bitter he will never see that.

He’s stubborn and that’s his main flaw.

And I fucking love it.

Alastor knows what he’s thinking and how to avoid it.

Always a step ahead. And their duet showcases that perfectly.

Alastor uses his opponent’s power against them, seeing the slanderous TV campaign and immediately going on air.

He does that in the pilot as well and seeing that this has become a habit for him is so fun to see.

Alastor is not to be messed with and I feel like people decided to gloss over that. But it’s so in your face you cannot deny it.

Alastor is TERRIFYING with a chilling deposition that will give you nightmares if you dare cross him.

Give him the respect he fucking deserves.

And the music and the visuals of the song — A whole fucking masterpiece.

I’m in love with their dynamic so far and I can’t wait to see where it goes.

So far Vox is the obsessed fanatic that couldn’t handle rejection.

There has to be more than that.

[supernovafics]

series masterlist | last part — next part

pairing: modern!college!steve harrington x fem!reader, bestfriend!eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 3.4k words

warnings: explicit language, some angst

summary: time continues on and fake dating steve becomes easier and easier, but it’s hard to know if it’s completely working

CHAPTER NINE | ❝𝒊𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆❞

Spring Semester 2016

“Stop looking at me.” 

Eddie only smiled at you. “Sorry, sorry.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at him as you placed the book in your hand back in the same spot on the shelf that you grabbed it from. 

“Oh, also, you don’t have to stay. I can find another way to get back to the dorms,” You told him. “I know how boring this is for you.”

He shook his head. “No, I’m fine. I wanna stay.”

You were kind of surprised by his words because this moment felt like a happy accident, a fluke. It was rare that moments like these would happen anymore; where you two talked about nothing and did things as simple as hanging out in a bookstore. He was happy with Chrissy and most of his time had been spent with her lately. It sucked, but it did make sense to you. 

However, when you had randomly mentioned the bookstore that you wanted to go to that was a few towns over, he immediately said that he’d drive you. 

“They have a music section here too,” You said as you grabbed a different book off of the shelf because the title sounded interesting to you. “It’s small, but there’s old CDs and some vinyls and stuff. I’ll buy you something as compensation for driving thirty minutes to bring me here.”

“You don’t owe me anything, but I’ll never turn down a free vinyl,” Eddie told you and you smiled at that. 

You focused on the book in your hand, reading the short synopsis on the back of it and then looking at the front as you contemplated getting it or not. Ultimately, you put it back on the shelf. 

“I know exactly how weird this is probably gonna sound,” Eddie started and you turned your head to look at him. “But there’s something about how “into it” you get when you’re looking for stuff. It’s very endearing and cute.”

You weren’t sure what you had thought he was going to say, but it definitely wasn’t that. You had to look away from him then, turning your attention back to the packed bookshelf in front of you. 

Looking away made it a thousand times easier to pretend that his words didn’t make you feel any type of way, and it also made it easier to convince yourself that, at the end of the day, his words meant absolutely nothing. Because they couldn’t mean anything. 

He didn’t want to be with you, he wanted to be with Chrissy. And months ago, you had forced yourself to believe that that wasn’t a bitter pill to swallow. 

There was no room for pining. There was only room for pretending. 

Pretending that everything was fine. Pretending that you didn’t like him. Pretending that you hadn’t been so fucking close to admitting that to him at one point. 

You playfully laughed at his previous words and shook your head and hoped that none of it seemed forced. “Yes, that’s very weird, but thank you, I guess? Also, I really doubt that’s true.” You grabbed a random book that caught your eye on the shelf, wanting to change the subject as quickly as you could. “I think I'm just gonna settle on this one for now. Let's go check out the music stuff.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Spring Semester 2018

You wondered what things looked like from an outsider's perspective. How close you and Steve were sitting at this table in the library; chairs practically pushed as close as they could be and his hand holding yours like it truly wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. 

It wasn’t that intense, you’d seen worse PDA moments in high school, but it still felt like a lot— in a good way. If you were a random person walking past you and Steve at that moment, you’d believe that you two were obsessed with each other— which was a good thing. It meant that this was working. 

Ultimately, though, you figured that it really didn’t matter what others thought, it just mattered what Eddie thought. And, in your eyes, it was hard to tell what he was thinking in this moment. Aside from you and Steve being practically attached at the hip, everything else was perfectly normal right then. 

Steve was reading something on his laptop and you were in the middle of a conversation with Eddie, who was sitting across from you two.  

It had been a last-second thing, you joining in on their study session for the Business class they had together. At first, you were working on your own stuff as they actually studied, and then the band conversation abruptly started when Eddie mentioned that Corroded Coffin had a gig at a different place on Sunday; a slightly bigger bar than Aces. 

“You have to play the new song that you guys have been working on,” You told him. “The video you showed me of you guys playing it when you were rehearsing was really good.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, of course,” You nodded. “I love you guys, but I cannot support you adding another cover to the set.” 

He smiled at you. “You used to be the biggest supporter of our covers.”

“That was back when I suggested the best one ever for you guys to do, and it became the biggest hit among the crowd,” You said, smiling back at him.

“I was so honestly so surprised that people loved it so much.” 

You shook your head. “You shouldn’t have been. It made a lot of sense.” 

“What song was it?” Steve asked. 

“Britney Spears. Baby One More Time. The way that they would do it was so good. Insanely good, actually,” You answered, looking at Steve and he nodded. “I have some videos I can show you later since they don’t play it anymore.” You then looked back at Eddie. “Sadly.” 

He laughed a bit at the overdramatic sigh you let out. “It started becoming way too overplayed.” 

“I guess that's true, but I think it might be time to bring it back.” 

“I thought you just said no more adding covers to the set.” 

“Shit, oh yeah, just play the new song at your gig on Sunday,” You responded and then smiled again. “And then we can talk about bringing Britney back later.”

He playfully rolled his eyes at you but still nodded. “Got it.” He then checked the time on his phone. “I need to head to class. Steve, you wanna study again on Monday?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, Monday’s good.” 

“Are you coming to reality TV night tonight?” You asked Eddie as he started putting his stuff in his bag, referring to the usual Friday night tradition at your apartment.

“I have band stuff with the guys, but I can maybe come around midnight,” He answered and you nodded at that. “Have you guys already decided on a show?”

“No, but Talia’s campaigning hard for this one about a Mormon family and we’re all trying to find something else because none of us want to watch that.”

Eddie let out a laugh as he nodded. “Makes sense.” He stood up from the table then. “I’ll see you guys later.”

He walked away and once he turned the corner you and Steve finally pulled away from each other; you didn’t immediately move your chairs apart, but his hand dropped from yours. 

“That invitation is open to you too, y’know. If you wanna come over tonight,” You told Steve before you could think better of it. And then once your brain caught up with your mouth, you were shrugging and shaking your head at yourself. “But, um, I guess that wouldn’t really make sense… Since Eddie’s not gonna be there for most of it.”

“Yeah,” Steve said simply, and it felt like there was more to that “yeah,” but you couldn’t tell what. “This is kinda getting confusing now, though.” He leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t get why he hasn’t said anything to you yet. It seems obvious that he likes you, or at least, feels something…. He was the one who wanted to tell you to come here when he randomly realized what time your class ended.”

“Really? I thought it was you that suggested that,” You said, thinking back to the text you got from Steve minutes after you left your English class that focused on British authors from the 1800s. 

Steve shook his head. “No, that was him. If I actually knew your schedule, I probably would’ve. But, anyway, it doesn’t make sense to me why he hasn’t admitted anything to you yet.”

You considered his words for a second and then the logical side of your brain was coming up with an answer. “Maybe there’s nothing to admit?” 

“I doubt that. If I was actually your boyfriend, I probably would’ve gotten jealous about how he was looking at you this entire past hour.”

You let Steve’s words sit in the air between you two for a moment. It had only been about two weeks since you shook hands and this fake dating thing started. And, in your eyes, aside from a few small select moments that you still couldn’t figure out if they even meant something or not, everything seemed exactly the same between you and Eddie. 

You wished that you could’ve looked at things from an outside perspective, mainly just from Steve’s perspective, because everything he was saying to you right then sounded way too good to be true. 

“It feels so weird hearing this,” You admitted with a shake of your head. 

Steve looked at you, confused. “Why? Isn’t this what you want?”

“Yes, but,” You trailed off for a second and sighed. “I’ve just spent so long convincing myself that the little things mean nothing, and I’ve also just been so wrong about so many things when it’s come to him before. So now that it’s being validated that I’m probably not just looking too much into things, it’s pretty weird.”

“You should stop doing that.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at his words. “What?”

“Second-guessing things. Overthinking.”

Hearing him say that, in such a simple way too, made you laugh. “Oh, Steven, you make that sound so easy. I wish it was.”

“This is gonna work for you.” He sounded so certain about it and you wanted to know why, and you also wanted to know why you weren’t certain. 

Actually, you knew exactly why there was a part of you that still felt hesitant about everything; even though, as the days passed, you were getting more and more used to this game of pretend that you and Steve were playing. It was for “just in case” purposes— just in case all of what you two were doing truly did turn out to be for nothing. If you didn’t let yourself feel a thousand percent certain about it, it wouldn't hurt too much when you were maybe let down in the end.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Luckily enough, you didn’t have to watch the Mormon family show that Talia suggested. Instead, Robin found a singing competition show that sounded a lot more interesting, and you all happily settled on that— even Talia was okay with it.

You were sitting on the small loveseat, a blanket settled across your lap, and everyone else was on the couch. There was a blonde guy in his mid-twenties singing a surprisingly good rendition of Vienna by Billy Joel when your phone vibrated a couple times in your lap. You grabbed it, instinctively expecting something from Eddie, but instead it was two messages from Steve.

Steve: Are daisies actually your favorite flowers?

Steve: And are sour gummy worms your favorite candy?

You: This is very random but yes to both

You: Are you that good of a guesser or am I just that easy to read? Also, why does knowing either of those things matter?

Steve: Since valentine’s day is coming up I texted Eddie and asked him what your favorites were (to help with maybe making him jealous or something). And I just wanted to confirm with you that he was right 

There was something about that that made you smile. That Eddie knew those little things about you— that felt like it meant something. You didn’t remember ever outwardly telling him either of those things, but maybe in nearly three years of friendship, it came up once or twice at some point.  

Your sudden smile was something that didn’t go unnoticed by your friends. 

“Oh, you’re definitely texting Steve right now,” You heard Robin say and you looked up at where she was sitting in between Vickie and Talia on the couch. “Look at that fucking smile.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up.”

“No, it’s okay. We understand that your priorities lie with your boyfriend now,” Vickie joked, playfully smiling at you.  

“That’s not true,” You responded, placing your phone in your lap. “My priorities truly lie with you guys and watching this singing show right now.”

“Honestly, it’s cute how into each other you guys are,” Talia said as she grabbed a handful of popcorn that was in a bowl on the coffee table. “Maybe I should have Eddie set me up on a blind date too if it’s gonna work out this well.”

Robin looked at her. “You’ll actually go against your ‘not being tied down during your Senior year’ rule?”

“Oh, yeah, actually, never mind,” She responded and then looked at you. “I’ll let you continue to be the only disgustingly in love one.”

You immediately shook your head at her words. “It’s only been two weeks. I’m not in love with him.” 

It felt almost comedic how they all collectively gave you the most deadpan looks, and you almost laughed at how perfectly timed it all seemed, but you rolled your eyes again instead. 

Barely ten minutes later, right as an episode ended and the opening sequence of the next one started, you went into your room to head to your bathroom and you thought about Steve’s text again. You pulled your phone out of the pocket of the sweatpants you were wearing.

You: You don’t have to actually get me anything

Steve: I may be a fake boyfriend but I like being a good fake one 

You: Okay, in that case, thank you

Steve: How’s the Mormon show you guys are watching?

You: We were successfully able to get out of watching that and we’re instead watching a singing competition show

Steve: How’s that? 

You: Equal parts entertaining and devastating. This thirteen-year-old got kicked off for accidentally singing the wrong lyrics to the Ariana Grande song she was doing and she cried 

Steve: Ouch

You simply stared at your phone for a second and then you were typing and not thinking too much about what you were about to say. 

You: You really could’ve come tonight if you wanted to. I don’t know why I said it would be dumb

There was really no need to bring it up, you knew that, but for reasons that you couldn’t fully decipher right then, you wanted to do it anyway. 

Steve: It’s okay. Next time

You: Yeah, next time 

It felt like perfect timing when you heard Robin say, “Stop hiding and texting Steve and get back out here.” And then you heard Vickie immediately follow up with, “Yes, Melissa, the thirteen-year-old, is about to have a redemption arc!”

“I’ll be there in a sec,” You said, making your voice loud enough for them to hear you. You left your phone on your desk as you finally headed to the bathroom, and then didn’t grab it when you were leaving your room. 

“How’s Melissa doing?” You asked as you sat back down, pulling the blanket over your lap again. 

“She’s about to sing against Jeremy to hopefully get her place back on the blue team,” Vickie quickly explained. 

“Okay, got it,” You nodded. “Is it bad that I’m kind of rooting for Jeremy? His growth these past few episodes have just been so nice to see.”

“That’s so true. I hope he stays,” Talia agreed. 

“No, no, no. Melissa needs to make a comeback. She shouldn’t have gotten eliminated in the first place,” Robin said. “Also, random but you could’ve told Steve to come tonight.”

“He was, um, busy tonight, but he said he’ll come next time.” 

She nodded. “As the newcomer, I guess it would only be fair if he chose the show.” 

You laughed a bit. “Okay, I’ll tell him that.”

“And make sure he knows that we only like fun stuff; dating shows or random competition shit. Nothing serious,” Vickie added. 

“I still really think that we would’ve had a fun time watching the Mormon show,” Talia said.

Before any of you could tell her that that probably would not have happened, there was a knock on the front door. You all immediately knew that it was Eddie because it was the usual three quick knocks that he would always do. 

You got up to open it, since everyone else looked way too settled in their positions on the couch, and smiled when you saw him. “Hey.”

“Hey, what show did you guys decide on?” Eddie asked as he walked in and you closed the door behind him.

“It’s this singing thing,” You quickly explained. “And you came just in time because we’re about to find out if Melissa gets to go back on the blue team or if Jeremy gets to keep his spot.” 

“I have no idea what that means, but okay.” 

You settled back on the small loveseat and Eddie sat in front of you on the floor, leaning back against your chair.

You eventually joined him on the floor, sharing your blanket with him, because you usually always sat on the floor with him during nights like these. 

“No Steve tonight?” He whispered to you during a particularly heated part of an episode that he knew he would’ve gotten collectively yelled at by Vickie, Talia, and Robin if he spoke louder. 

“Not tonight,” You whispered back. 

He nodded at that. “Okay.”

It was a simple one-word response, but it felt like it meant a lot more than what it said. And this time you found yourself actually wanting to question it in the moment. 

“Why’d you ask?” You asked, looking at him and still keeping your voice low. 

He only shrugged at first. “I was just wondering.” 

“Okay,” You responded, turning away then and focusing back on the TV. 

The current episode was pretty much at the end and you laughed at the excited yelp Robin let out when her favorite person won the elimination round.

“How are things going with you and him?” You heard Eddie ask, another whispered question right at your ear. 

It was such a normal question and you knew that it could mean nothing aside from a friend wondering something about another friend, but it surprisingly didn’t feel as clear cut as that. Maybe it was because of everything that Steve had told you earlier; him giving you hope that you weren’t entirely sure if you should have or not. However, suddenly, it was this question that made you actually want to believe in this fake dating thing a thousand percent. 

“Really good,” You answered, and then decided to lean heavily into playing everything up; for no other reason except you wanted to try as hard as you could to make this work. “Really, really good, actually. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about someone. And yes, I know exactly how stupidly and disgustingly cheesy that sounds.”

In the smallest way, it almost felt funny because you remembered exactly the last time you felt “that way” about someone; and that someone was sitting right next to you. 

Eddie gave you a smile, and it was hard not to wonder if he was faking it like you had done a bunch of times before. “That’s good.”

You smiled back at him before once again looking at the TV. It was hard to focus on the new episode that was playing now, though, because all you could think about was Steve’s words from earlier. 

“This is gonna work for you.”

You had inwardly questioned his certainty and hopefulness, and you found it hard to wholeheartedly believe him— honestly, during these entire past two weeks it had been kind of hard to trust in how much he believed that this fake dating thing would work. But now, after what happened earlier— according to Steve and his jealous comment— and what happened just now on your apartment floor, you finally felt comfortable saying that you really believed in it too. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

next part!

taglist (lmk if you want to be added or taken off<333); @eddiernunson , @loulouloueh , @the-aster , @blckburd , @totally-bogus-timelady , @yujyujj , @irhdifartzamfyaa , @mochminnie , @munsonssweets , @blckbrrybasket , @xprloki , @definitionwanderlust , @dwcode , @sun-fiower-seed , @keerysfolklore , @damon-loves-pie , @lodeddiperrodrick , @munsonburn3r

[picturejasper20]

One weird thing i have seen in Danny Phantom fics is that there is this idea that Vlad randomly goes to start fights with Danny weekly for no reason other than being asshole

While i'm totally okay with headcanons and such... this isn't the case in the show?

In the series Vlad usually avoids fighting Danny personally (as him transforming into Plasmius) and he does it when it is kinda his last resort. In Bitter Reunions he beats the crap out of Danny first, leaving him unconscious on the floor. That's because he thought Phantom was a normal ghost, he didn't know he was Danny.

After he learns that Danny is Phantom he actually asks Danny to stop fighting him and suggests him to join him.

In later episodes he sends his underlings to distract Danny but that is always part of his plans. In ¨The Million Dollar Ghost¨ he sends a group of ghost hunters to catch Phantom while he spends time in the Fentons Lab trying to steal the ghost portal since he lost his own one. In "Maternal Instincts" I'm not sure how serious he was about the ghost animals ¨getting rid¨ of Danny. I believe he was trying to force Maddie and Danny to come back to his chalet and stay there. After Danny tricks him and puts the specter deflector on him, that's when Vlad transforms into Plasmius and starts throwing hands with Danny.

In "Reign Storm" Danny tries attacking Vlad at one point of the episode and Vlad tells Danny to ¨calm down¨ since he has other more important things to worry about. He was trying to escape from the Ghost King army in that moment.

Same with "Secret Weapons" and "Kindred Spirits", he fights Danny as last resort (Secret Weapons) or because he needs Danny for something (Kindred Spirits).

This could be applied to episodes from Season 3 as well. Even in ¨Eye for an Eye¨ it came as a response of Danny sending the GIW to destroy his mansion. Which makes sense since he is more of the person who can't let go of a grudge not matter what.

Let's go back to an earlier episode from Season 1 ¨The Million Dollar Ghost¨ to explain this point further. Remember how easily Vlad was able to fight against Behemoth?

And he was barely trying for what it is implied in the episode.

Meaning that Vlad could have easily destroyed Danny any time he wanted to and he was probably holding back to some extent every time he fought Danny. Hell, remember in ¨Kindred Spirits¨ how it took him around a minute to recover and transform again after getting a ghost wail from Danny? Let me repeat, a ghost wail.

In short, in the series Vlad rarely fights Danny for the sake of picking up a fight with him, he usually has a reason behind doing so, either because he is trying to distract Danny or he needs him as part of his plan. Often he take matters into his own hands as last resort when his plans are failing him. And if he wanted to get rid of Danny he could have easily done so a long time ago considering how powerful he is but he doesn't because part of him wants Danny to see him as a mentor/father figure.

[gynandromorph]

another nofna style emulation strip... i haven't drawn anything about Legend's HIOT treatment, even though it is kind of important, mostly because... no fight scenes, lots of tiny letters and twisting roots, and its contingency on other events happening first (like it'd be weird to draw her going to HIOT before even drawing the strip with the voice in it). at the same time, most of the information here? totally just restated information already known by the audience--

Resolve looks small compared to JS, but she's actually quite large... they're just very different heights.

(technically you could also call Remitting Dr. Remitting because she is also qualified to treat patients......) The Rationale member is an african savanna hare.

i want to say that Resolve's an interesting character, in that i don't really have strong opinions about her, which usually means They're Complicated, but i'm kind of meh about her. she's just very Normal. eventually i will write a follow-up strip with her and Remitting post-JS-treatment where her relationship to her patients and work is elaborated upon a little. she is almost 46 years old and she has outlived generations of patients -- for short-lived rodents, probably generations in the double digits. she gets to see from admission to death the results of her work, or lack thereof. i wouldn't say that she has a sense of superiority, as i think she tries to cultivate an open-mindedness, but she has so much experience, she can be quick to solidify her thoughts on matters, and she is not easily swayed by dissenting opinions from younger individuals when she knows her opinion will outlive theirs by her mere act of Continuing to Exist.

as demonstrated in Glyptography, it seems that some HIPAA-alike doesn't exist in this society, and HIOT members are free to comment on any patients in their care. still, with a more legally binding case of committal, i decided that there would be one "lead" individual who had legal guardianship over a patient, and, consequently, the final word on their treatment. Parabola described HIOT in a variety of ways, along with its functions, which included "cataloging anomalies" and "behavior oversight." he also noted that cataloging or investigating behaviors was more of an "early" stage of HIOT, whereas modern HIOT ascribes meaning to the findings and formulates legal conclusions (along with, presumably, still monitoring and controlling anomalous behavior). i treated the admission of patients as fairly common, then, perhaps one of HIOT's main purposes at this point, where members would contend with the fact that there was just an endless stream of new people to treat -- their work didn't seem to change anything about the root of the problems they're tending to.

JS failed her metanoia proposal due to incompletion. what she had while sparring with Machinations, was mostly all she still had by the time she was expected to turn in a thesis, albeit she could spell entire words now. her proctor was willing to pass her with a low grade because it WAS undeniable, even if devoid of apparent purpose.

Remitting and Resolve are, like Misgivings, wearing Guthriea capensis, hidden flower, as corsages. Resolve is wearing a female flower, and Remitting is wearing a male flower. it grows hidden under its own leaves, and its nectar is very bitter, driving most pollinators away. i could have used the same flower that smoothie wore, but i Did Not Feel Like It. the Rationale hare is wearing pale everlasting flowers (Helichrysum pallidum). i figured they would all wear the same corsages? but i don't think we've seen a Rationale member clothed... Maybe the wolf official from Syconium, but that's ambiguous. I had Legend wear a rather formal and pricey mantle, because this is a very humiliating situation for her, and I feel she'd dress up to the 9s to compensate for this loss of face. her corsage is large mountain ink flowers (Cycnium racemosum), a semi-parasitic plant which primarily uses sedges and long grasses as hosts. these flowers turn dark like ink when damaged -- hence their name. they can grow very large, up to multiple feet tall, and she has the long stem threaded through the front of her mantle. her paws are covered in abrasions, not dirt, and her claws have been worn down almost to the quicks due to excessive digging and scratching at surfaces like tree bark.

anyway i think that's all i have to say about this one it's not my most interesting strip. it facilitates later strips like legend asking Resolve about false memories or accessing HIOT documents to pass time and developing her thesis with this new knowledge.

[sanaexus]

"love at first sight..i think?"

it was laughable really, itoshi sae was known for being level headed, for having a cold demeanor. so for him to notice bluelock's manager and stare at her shamelessly while he should probably be celebrating their win against the rival team, was quite the scene

it was impossible to blame him though, you were managing those hooligans so well. it was almost amusing to see being so friendly yet strict with the boys. the way you were calm and composed yet fierce. you didn't just manage the boys, no, even he, someone who just saw you could tell you brought up the team spirit a lot more higher, supporting and motivating the plays with a unique passion and dedication.

so what does he do? fall in love with you. hard and fast. it wasn't difficult to talk you, in his eyes, you weren't like those lukewarm idiots who were nothing but stepping stones in his journey to become the best. it felt as if you genuinely cared about him. in every sense, whether it was by scolding him when he focused on practice a bit too much, when he stopped caring about himself as much, when an interviewer was clearly overstepping his boundaries, you were always there.

interviews were annoying, in his opinions, they soured the taste of sweet victory. but he apparently had to do this interview, so he begrudgingly agreed.

it was obvious to anyone with eyes he didn't want to be there, giving short and blunt answers, and straight up ignoring questions that weren't related to football. but it seemed as if one of the female interviewers just couldn't seem to understand that fact.

you could feel the annoyance radiating off sae even from a distance, to anyone else he might have seemed normal, after all he was known for being a quiet and cold persona, but to you? you could notice the way he clenched his fists at a particularly annoying question, the way he sighed, the way his eye twitched, it was really obvious to you.

you were snapped out of your train of thoughts when you heard an odd question.

"this question is for sae, it's no secret being such a famous and talented athlete must mean you have ladies swooning all over you. so tell us, do you have anyone special in your life?"

if looks could kill, that interviewer would be dead and buried 6 feet under the ground, but unfortunately they couldn't.

"and if i do? then what?" he doesn't even know why he said it. it just came out, he didn't even think it through it was almost reflexive. he started to internally panic, not because of what the media would think, no he couldn't care less about that. but he was worried about what you would say or what you would think. any slight chance he had with you just vanished into thin air just because of 6 words. what if you stop talking to him because he's apparently a "taken man" what if you actually liked him back but now you don't because he isn't "single". and he was right.

your heart broke at that sentence, you knew it was stupid of you to think that the itoshi sae would like you back. of course he wouldn't. he was perfect. in every sense there was only one word that could describe him. perfect, and you were just his manager so why would he like you back. but he gave some hints he liked you right? maybe you interpreted it wrong. but he would have mentioned he has a girlfriend to you right? guess you weren't important enough to him for him to mention his girlfriend. you shake off those thoughts as you heard the interviewers answer.

"oh? is that so? and who might that be?" her voice sounded bitter, jealous almost.

"no" his reply was blunt and cold and was the only thing he said before he got up and walked to the side where you were there

your heart was racing, you didn't know how to face him exactly. you were scared, and you weren't even sure what you were scared of exactly. was it being rejected by him? was it facing him? was it because of how you knew you would cry if you talk to him? who knows.

"i'm sorry" his voice sounded softer and a bit guilty? why was he apologizing? he's human and he deserves to be happy too right?

"why are you apologizing? for being in a relationship? that's stupid. you should have told me earlier though. i'm happy for you sae" you smiled at him, but he noticed how it wasn't as bright or didn't quite reach your eyes as your real smile would.

"i'm not in a relationship, i'm apologizing because you might have to deal with the consequences of my words"

now you were confused. he wasn't in a relationship? but he just said he was? was he trying to hide it now?

"you don't have to lie, it's alright, i understand sae-"

"shut up, i only said it because those lukewarm creatures kept bugging me, i'm not dating anyone."

"oh..but why are you telling me this..? you don't owe me an explanation?" you asked confused.

"because i do, i don't want you to think that i'm taken, i like you (name) not anyone else. so please don't be mad at me"

you've never seen sae like this. in the couple of months you've been their manager, never once have you heard sae look so weak and scared, and you sure as hell haven't heard him say please ever. wait did he just say he likes you?

"what the fuck?" was all you could say, it was just a natural reaction you had to anything, good or bad. saying that you both just stood there in awkward silence. sae didn't know what to say or think. was that "what the fuck ew you like me?" or was that a "what the fuck you like me too?" he couldn't tell.

the silence and his train of thoughts was broken by you hugging him. not knowing what to say, you decided it'd be best just hug it out, hugs always work right?

it was awkward, sae didn't know how to react, after all he wasn't someone who liked being touch so it made sense he didn't know what to do when you abruptly hug him, so he just stood there and patted your hair.

"you like me too?" you asked while you pulled away, sae wanted to whine and hold for a bit longer but he didn't.

"yeah, i guess so. wait what do you mean too?"

"isn't it obvious? i like you too sae"

"oh, that's cool so uh do we date or what?" it was cute how someone like him, who was so confident in himself, was reduced to a shy and awkward mess with you

"i don't know, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

"yeah that'd be pretty nice, i think?"

"you think? so how about a date, pick me up at 7 tomorrow?"

"you got it ma'am" a soft smile graced his pretty face as he fondly looked at you. at that moment he didn't think it'd be nice being with you, he knew it.

bonus!!

"OH MY GOD! HE FINALLY CONFESSED I TOLD YOU GUYS, PAY UP" oliver's comment was heard loud and clear to everyone, even the interviewers standing outside

groans and sounds of annoyance could be heard as they brought out their wallets handing the money over to oliver.

"you fucking lukewarms bet on us?"

"you're so getting extra laps to run tomorrow i swear"

OH MY GOD I FINALLY FINISHED THIS?? THIS WAS BASED ON A REQUEST I GOT LIKE CENTURIES AGO AND I NEVER HAD THE MOTIVATION TO FINISH IT BUT I FINALLY DID IT. IT GOT A BIT AWKWARD AT THE END BUT DON'T MIND THAT GUYS IT'S FINE.

i hope you liked this anon, i'm so sorry this was so late but enjoy!<3

and double post? oh my god look at me go (i might post even more shit guys idk)