#i'm so sorry to my internet friends though i wish i was better and normal

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

I've seen my name being thrown around, and I'd like to dot my is and cross my ts on this once and for all.

Gonna preface by saying this:

No one said that glossysoap, groguspicklejar or soapskneebrace told their anons "GO HARRASS THIS RACIST" - that's just, once again, y'all misinterpreting our words. All that was said was "You are a big blog that accidentally created a witch hunt amidst your followers and even though you didn't mean to, you need to realize you still have influence over them, so you need to make amends";

I also made a very big point of pointing out that when soapskneebrace posted those screnshots, they acted as if their blog was an "island" and that it was safe to make a comment like that because they believed it would stay 'contained' within their friend group or followers. And that they should've known better because this is the internet, they're 28, and they should know stuff **doesn't** stay isolated. All things can be accessed.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that soapskneebrace/Madi has admittedly a history of their followers/anons harassing people in their inbox. I don't care that the circumstances are different. They *know* their followers have done such a thing and as a creator (yes, this is not a normal social media, yes, none of us are 'influencers' with proper check marks that make giant moves on the platform, but we all STILL have an influence) they should've known better.

(Their own words below 👇)

I'm sorry for the way I spoke:

Yes, the tone I used was aggressive, cheeky and on-the-offensive and the hashtag I used was in poor taste. I could've handled my **tone** better as well as the way I tried to make my point across. I realize that now once I've had time to cool off and I apologize for the way I spoke.

I recognize that I didn't help the issue by being as aggressive as I did and, in fact, just caused a bigger commotion. That wasn't fair, and the tone I used wasn't nice or helpful.

I'm not a trained psychologist or anything, and I reacted like any normal person should/would, in my opinion. Saw an injustice that was preventable and got upset about it. I promise to thrive to not let my emotions get the better of me, nor to let my tone ever be that aggressive again.

That's not to say that I don't stand for the things I said. I don't take back what I did. I consider myself an honest person... and if nothing else, it would be dishonest of me to go back on my word. I apologize for my tone but not the message.

About Bunny:

That being said, I'd like to point out that half of the blogs currently talking about this topic (specifically @ceilidho and @391780) giving their opinions and sharing it with their followers are doing so behind 'closed doors' (aka by blocking the two of us) and doing exactly the same thing soapskneebrace accidentally did: they are accidentally pinning their followers against us by providing a retelling of events and hoping their followers go read up more on their own, despite knowing they have a huge influence and that people on the internet are not gonna do that, and are just gonna take their word for it.

And frankly I don't think that's fair. I'm not even speaking for myself. I couldn't care less about the abuse coming my way or any boycotting to my future posts or current ones.

I just wish you both/all would stop putting me and bunny in the same category. You wanna get mad at someone? Get mad at me.

Bunny handled this with not just a lot more maturity than me, but also a lot more elegantly. Bunny strived to educate and to speak respectfully and in a way that was informative when she tackled all the creators involved.

If you go read her replies to the blogs in question, they were measured, understanding, respectful, kind and polite. She made sure they understood all she was seeking from them was some form of accountability, and never meant them any harm.

It's not fair that she's being 'lumped' together with me and getting any harrassment or torment over the fact *I* was aggressive, when she wasn't.

She has always, ALWAYS strived to make her blog a positive space, a safe space too. She has always strived to keep people informed and safe, and to tackle topics in her fics that she sees are lacking in the community.

Bunny has plenty of anons who reach out to her to discuss mental health, disability and other topics of the sort because she's trained for it, and now she's not free to open her inbox anymore because people are also spouting abuse at her.

I just want you all to stop going after her. She deserves your admiration, not your hatred.

Again, you need someone to yell at? To get mad at? I'm right here and I can fucking take it.

My inbox and the anon button are not gonna ever close, just so you all still have a place to go yell at me through while keeping your precious anonymity that emboldens you so.

Kind Regards,

Kea

[bungouchronicles]

are you a minor?

who are your bsd kinnies?

when did you get into tumblr?

what's your fave bsd take?

what's one bsd thing (character/opinion/etc) that u think should be talked about more?

fave animal?

how do u make friends (i need help 😭).

do u play an instrument

share thoughts/reviews abt bsd

jus answer the ones ur comfy answering 💖

Hiii!!

Woah this is my first ask, thank you <3 Let's see!

1. I'm not comfortable with sharing my age on the internet so I won't, sorry.

2. Atsushi is my highest kin but I also kin Ranpo and Dazai (don't ask how/j)

I also happen to get Nikolai on a lot of "what character are you?" quizzes and I always relate to him on those "analysing kinnies" things but I refuse to admit that to myself yet 😋

3. I don't remember tbh, I started out on another account but I'm too lazy to look up how old that account is. I think I first joined Tumblr like 2-3 years ago?

4. Ahh I don't know! I have a lot of takes but I can't seem to remember any of them right now haha. I'll get back to this someday.

5. Okay I'll have to make a seperate post about this someday but probably how soukoku is (or at least was) what the other one wished they could be. I love their parallels about how they view humanity which I think already is pretty talked about but yk, you can always talk more about it!

I also think we as a fandom should talk more about Yosano in general, she's very dear to me <3

Oh and Bram! I wanna know more about him and his daughter. He's so silly, how could we not talk about him??

Also I adore the religious symbolism in bsd, we should all talk more about that!

I also think we should talk more about Oda outside of of the impact he had on Dazai. I adore Oda and Dazais story but Oda is really cool regardless of that. I almost never see anyone mention his own story and his motives? He's so cool!!

6. Car :3

7. I just kinda say things and hope someone likes me and that has worked out so far.

No but like, when it comes to making friends irl the best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with like-minded people (like join a group with a shared interest or something) and don't be afraid to be bold. I can assure you, most people want friends and will only be relieved if you offer them your friendship yourself. I recently made a friend when we were having a conversation and she complained about how she didn't have many friends and I just said "hey, we can be friends!" And that was that. She happily agreed and we have been friends ever since. 😊 Obviously this just works if the people you talk too are good people but you shouldn't bother trying to make friends with people that aren't. Hope this helps <3

8. I sing and play some piano, music is my everything though so I'm hoping to both get better at piano and maybe pick up guitar again

9. I'm so normal about this show. Uhm...let's see:

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Thoroughly enjoyed. Very well written and has been able to keep me invested for far too long now. The fixation never goes away. Help me, Asagiri is keeping me hostage in this fandom!

This was fun, feel free to send my any other asks in the future <3

[doebt]

just saw a horse named QT's Gold MasterCard. no joke..mastercard .

[stormblessed95]

I came across a vmin clip on insta end of last year and was instantly drawn to this cutie with such a beautiful smile. I knew they were from BTS but that was the limit of my knowledge.

I immediately sent that clip to my friend and asked his name and the rest was history. I spent hours and hours watching videos of jimin singing and dancing. I was surprised by how hard I was crushing on this guy since I thought I left those days behind during my teenage years 😂 I don’t think I was this enamoured with anyone even during that phase 😁 but there is something about jimin that has drawn me in completely.

I started watching videos of Vmin/ yoonmin/ jihope and was seeing this 3rd person frequently appearing in all these interactions jimin had. I asked my friend who he was *cough* JK * cough*

By this time YT started recommending jikook videos and I instantly felt some difference in chemistry in this duo.

Sorry I do have a point to this rambling post 😂

I even brought out my Twitter account back from the dead just to get my real time Jimin updates.

I came across your blog from a google search about jikook and went through your masterlist.

Normally I am chill, in the sense, I do feel bad when I see hate against their bond but I rarely interact on social media. I am of the school of thought that if you can’t say anything nice about someone it is better to not say anything at all.

But I just got triggered today by that anon who said that jikook have been together for 7 years and since they are queer they would have not stayed together till now.

The audacity of that anon 🙄 I mean we don’t know what goes on in their personal lives. Sure they could have broken up or were never together for all we know but what that anon said was just (pardon my French) bullshit.

The hatred/ prejudice people have against a relationship is mind boggling to me.

Let these people live their lives and stop obsessing over every small thing about a relationship that isn’t yours.

I guess the anonymity of social media allows people to spew crap which they might not say in person.

People are so nasty on socmed…all of them are internet warriors.

How can you hate someone you don’t know…the energy they expend on doing that.

I just wish happiness for jikook…if it’s together then that’s great but even if not…then it’s fine…as long as they are happy

Thank you for sharing your story of how you found BTS, jikook and myself! Lol I loved hearing about it. I... didn't even think about how i might be showing up on Google searches 😅🤣 oh well. I love that vmin introduced you to BTS in a way though. My cuties 😍

Look, my thing is that I don't care who you ship, or if you don't ship, or if you think they are dating girls, or whatever your thoughts are. I'm solid and happy to peacefully disagree and us all go on our merry way. I just want respect and love for all the members. But it's possible possible say "I don't think they are dating" without being homophobic. And that's what's not okay. The homophobia can fck right off.

[moroneur]

Here's a small one shot I managed to write up in a few hours in celebration of Let Papyrus say Fuck day! I got really inspired by @doctor-dt 's drawing of Papyrus listening to Rap while he writes his paper, i really liked it!

Didn't manage to proofread this one, so i apologize if theres any misspellings or grammar errors :(

The surface had opened 2 years ago. Sans was working odd jobs here and there, while Papyrus decided to study law and help monster to human relations. He worked very hard on his studies, and had little time to spend with his family or friends.

You, his dorm mate, were growing concerned for him and his health. He barely took breaks, and even when his family urged him to, Papyrus never listened. You came home after work with some groceries and found him at his desk again. A deep sigh escapes you, and you move to the small kitchen to at least make him a cup of monster coffee. You were trying your hardest to respect his wishes, but his ever growing eyebags (How was that even possible?) made you feel even more worried.

"Papyrus," You approach him, coffee mug in hand, and gently put your hand on his shoulder. "I made you some coffee." He looks back at you his small smile tired, appreciative. "THANK YOU, HUMAN." He takes the coffee from your hand and takes a sip. It seems to have lifted his mood. "What'chu working on?"

"I'M LEARNING ABOUT MONSTER-HUMAN INTERACTIONS IN DAY TO DAY LIFE." You peer over his shoulder and take a peek at his notes (He's so goddamn tall even when he's sitting so u have to go on your tippy toes to see. Neither of you mention it). "Thats a really interesting topic, Pap. You could really get some hands on experience in this." His brow bones furrow. "PLEASE ELABORATE." Now you're leaning on his shoulder, an idea brewing in your mind. "Y'see, humans and monsters interact with each other all the time, right?" You feel him nod. "It's everywhere! When you walk down the street, in a store, on the internet, etcetera. You could go outside and observe monster-human interactions for real! I bet some stuff here," You point to the open textbook that's laying on the desk. "ain't even true." You really hope that he agrees, but the more he stays silent, the less you're believing it worked.

"YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO TAKE A BREAK." Papyrus states after a while. You quickly think of a retort. "Papyrus, I never said anything about a break. I was trying to help you with your studies, but if you oh so crave one, then we can go do that as well!" You saw him deadpan at you, and heard him sigh. "I'LL HUMOR YOU, LITTLE HUMAN." Excited, you laugh and go get ready.

You're now walking the busy evening streets of Ebott City, a tall skeleton by your side. He was looking around, observing, apparently taking your random idea into consideration. You were just glad that he was outside. Comfortable silence envelops you, and as the crowd got denser, you pinched Papyrus' coat so the two of you don't get separated. He doesn't react, mind still in his textbooks. You huff. Just then, the delicious smell of hot food coaxed your stomach to rumble. This time, Papyrus reacts, a small frown setting on his skull? face? whatever. "HUMAN. YOU SHOULDVE TOLD ME YOURE HUNGRY, I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU MY INFAMOUS SPAGHETTI." You awkwardly smile up at him, the monkeys in your brain desperately trying to come up with a normal excuse. "I-I know Paps, I'm sorry. I would have felt bad to ask The Great Papyrus to cook me something when it's his day off, y'know!" He doesn't seem to buy it. "I'll make sure to take better care of myself, pal, thank you for worrying about me." You try reassuring him again. "How about we go get some grub?" You point to a small crowd that's ahead of you, where the smell was coming from. He was still frowning, a small tug at his sleeve spurring him into action though. "I APPRECIATE THE THOUGHTFULNESS, EVENTHOUGH I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WOULD NOT MIND SERVING A DELICIOUS PLATE OF MY PASTA TO MY FRIEND." You grin.

Eventually, you and your tall skeleton friend get some food, and head back to your apartment building. After a big discussion (which you won) the both of you sit on the roof of the building, cold drinks in hand, and look down on the lively Ebott City. You talk about random topics, laugh, and just enjoy each other's company. Papyrus sighs and looks over to you, a grateful smile on his face.

"FUCK. I REALLY NEEDED THIS, FRIEND. THANK YOU." You smile back at him, and pat his back. "No problem, bud."

[iamsuchi]

Hi honey, I am from Peru and my friends and I will go to Machu Picchu for the promotion, I know that many very handsome tourists are going and I want to say that all of them fall in love with me maybe they are too many, but on the other hand I see it complicated because maybe I am not the physical type of everyone, or my other friends will also be very beautiful and they can look at them too, or are many guys to fall in love.... I really don't know how to make it possible that all of them only look at me, could you explain me if it is possible? And how would I do it?

Hell love, how's Peru? I'm sure it's very beautiful there! Greeting from Jamaica! and I'm so sorry for just getting to your message, I don't know how long ago this was sent and I'm I think your event must have passed so I deeply apologize for that :[ I hope it went well though and you attracted all those handsome guys/tourists. If not again I'm sorry I'm just getting to you but here's a solution for the future or for anything wondering about this or going through a similar situation.

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

Let me start of by saying make your assumption. In your case for example lets say your assumption is: “All handsome tourist at the event find me attract and fall in love with me instantly”. 

Now then, we’re going to hold on to that assumption - what I mean by this is persist in that assumption as if it were true. Keep that thought/assumption in the fore front of your mind (conscious mind) affirm it when you need to - that is to say, repeat it to yourself when you feel the need. don’t force it or obsess over it  let it come naturally to you and ignore your circumstances. 

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

What are your circumstances? 

In this case you said your friends might be more beautiful than you or look better than you and the guys find them more attractive, what if your not they’re type, etc. DO AWAY WITH THAT AND THOSE THOUGHTS/ASSUMPTION because they do not matter!!! YOU ARE ONLY DOUBTING/LIMITING/ THINKING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOURSELF! As the operant creator only what you desire (your assumptions/thoughts) will manifest! 

Let me show you what happens now when you know what you want (but you’re doubting/creating limiting beliefs/lacking faith or thinking logical while manifesting) I’m going to break it down for you as simply as I can. 

once more here is your assumption:  “All handsome tourist at the event find me attract and fall in love with me instantly”.

Then lets say you say that assumption out loud (or internally) but YOU DON’T FEEL IT AS TRUE. What do I mean by ‘feel it as true’? - I am you just say the new assumption just for the sake of saying it,  because I told you too or you read it on the internet some where or your friend tells you to do and it has no MEANING to you. basically you’re just ‘trying’ the new assumption and it feels like you're doing a chore or something you don’t necessarily want to do. I AM speaking from experience here because that was exactly how I felt in the beginning.

Now what happens if you're saying/thinking of this assumption as if its a chore or something you don’t want to do - The end results: you say/think about the assumption and nothing happens.... you say/think about the assumption 10 times and nothing happens.... you say/think about the assumption 1 million times and still nothing happens.

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

Why is that? 

1.  Because again you’re just saying/thinking about it for the sake of doing it because you feel you have to and that should not be the case (Your not in the state of the wish fulfilled or living in the end - basically your affirming the assumption but YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT TO BE TRUE - YOU’RE LACKING FAITH - YOU’RE NOT TRUSTING THE PROCESS. 

2. Another major blunder here is the fact that this assumption is aligned with your habitual thinking pattern (your normal thoughts/assumptions that you have everyday). continuing with your scenario let me show you what I mean by this: 

You affirm the new assumption BUT consciously (or even subconsciously) you are thinking something different. EXAMPLE: you assume:  “All handsome tourist at the event find me attract and fall in love with me instantly”. BUT consciously (or even subconsciously) you’re really thinking “That’s impossible. My friends are way pretty than me. I’m not there type, etc.” Do you see the problem? - you’re affirming something you don't mean!  you’re thoughts are clashing in and that needs to be fixed.

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

How do we fix this?  - see this link for how I answered the previous ask because the same principle applies. THE LAW WORKS THE SAME REGARDLESS OF YOUR DESIRE! - Also this post talks more about it from the subconscious mind level.

Change your assumptions/thoughts about yourself and the 3D will follow! Your thoughts create your reality. At first it may feel difficult - you may encounter the 2 problems I’ve stated above (talking from experience because that was something I had to deal with and in some instance still dealing with it - but I AM CONSCIOUSLY monitoring my thoughts and I recommend you do that too! or at least try)  

what do I mean by this? - Every time (or some if not most times - I’m not here to bullshit anyone I’m human I feel emotions like all of you lol)  a negative thought/assumption crosses my mind I INSTANTLY try to replace it with a positive thought/assumption. 

Example (continuing with your scenario) - Negative thought: “my friends are way prettier than me, no one will notice me” 

IMMEDIATELY pick up on that thought (hopefully you can before you even finish thinking or saying it) and replace it with something positive!

Positive thoughts: “I am the most beautiful person in this entire Universe, I easily attract any handsome guy I desire. I am confident within myself!” 

⊹ ੈ♡ — — — — — — — — — — — — — ₊˚ ‧₊ ๑ ˎˊ˗

It may takes some time (or it might happen for you instantly) but eventually if you continue this. you’ll be able to properly monitor your thoughts and only think thoughts that are aligned with your desires. so eventually (or immediately) when you affirm:  “All handsome tourist at the event find me attract and fall in love with me instantly”. It will come natural to you and you will FEEL (state of the wish fulfilled) it as if it is true and IT IS TRUE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! and even if you don’t feel that way or you don’t get into that feeling immediately do not worry, IT WILL COME - PERSIST IN YOUR ASSUMPTION. The circumstances do not and will never matter if you want the guys at that event to find you attractive just assume they already do, nothing else matters because once you remain faithful to that assumption, believe as true and then detach and let the ‘magic’ happen for you - allow the law to work. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE HOW - DOESN’T CONCERN YOU. 

Hope this helped in some way (this is my opinion do your own research on the law of assumption, manifesting, the subconscious mind - just try to learn as much as you can if your interested in this sort of thing) - again sorry for getting back to you so late.

I wish you all the best and happy manifesting! 💓💓

[acidiluc]

signs.

synopsis: all you know is that the signs never lie. angst. 1774 words.

note: bon appétit, angst lovers. i'm still trying to find my writing style and rhythm,, so please do tell what you think! i was gonna try and avoid cliché themes but i think it still turned out as cliché fkdjfskdfl.

i wanna try writing unique themes so if you have any ideas you wanna share, please do! 😩

meeting kuroo was probably the best moment of your life. and you’re not even kidding. you fell in love with him the first time you interacted with him—and it was during a volleyball meeting. you were the girls’ volleyball team captain and he was the boys’ vball team captain. his loud, charismatic, handsome, and brainy ass has caught your attention. and unfortunately, you’re now one of his fangirls. lowkey.

when he approached you during the conference, he was complaining about how boring the speaker was (even though he was still listening to what the speaker was saying). meanwhile your heart was already complaining about how handsome he is. he started talking to you during the conference and it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

after the interaction with him during the conference, you and kuroo started seeing each other and interacting more— he would greet you whenever you pass by each other in the hallway or the cafeteria, or even buy you a drink during lunch, and start exchanging stories. he’s just... tHE PERFECT IDEAL MAN.

this was your first and last year as a team captain. you developed passion for the sport once you joined the volleyball club; training intensely through the years. during the first few years, it frustrated you whenever other schools would reject joint practices with your team. unlike with nekoma’s boys’ volleyball team, they had connections with other schools and a pretty good reputation that gave them easy access to joint practices. it was the awakening of something in you. you trained harder and got better and better and better, achieving the position of team captain. and you swore that during your reign, you will bring light to your team. you will make your team a remarkable team.

since no school was willing to have joint practices with your team, you personally approached your coaches alone and proposed to have joint trainings with the boys’ volleyball team instead. much to your surprise, they agreed. it was the perfect training you were looking for. the boys’ volleyball team was strong and experienced, it will have a different level of intensity of training. and you were already craving the thrill and pressure of it. and kuroo’s handsome face.

just as you expected, the trainings were really on another level. your team lost countless times but this only pushed you and the others to do better. these training days also brought you and kuroo closer to each other. he often teased you that your team will never win against his, bought you more drinks, and even introduced you to his best friend and teammates. this honestly had you wondering if... he felt the same. so after that, you decided to observe him whenever he interacted with you to take hints! so far, you only had three signs.

prefectural tournaments were near and you were getting confident as days passed by since your team was now starting to win against the boys’ vball team. “i’d never win against your team, huh?” you smirked, approaching kuroo with two drinks from a vending machine. you offered him one of them and kuroo gladly took it from you, smirking back. “you cheated.” he said, making the two of you laugh together. 

once the prefectural tournaments came, it wasn’t easy on you. the stress, the exhaustion, and the pressure were trying to eat you alive during matches but... you didn’t train and work hard to just easily give up. your team started climbing its way to the top, winning every match before getting in the prefectural qualifiers for the nationals— for you, it was a big victory already. 

you successfully shone some light to your team and made it somehow remarkable.

kuroo excitedly made his way to you after the tournament, giving you a big hug with forehead kisses, exchanging congratulatories with you. any stranger would think that you two were a couple at that point. so... sign number four? 

after the prefectural tournaments, everything went back to normal. despite not having joint practices for now, your closeness with kuroo never dissipated. 

once the class bell rang, you immediately stood up from your seat to get yourself a drink from a vending machine, only to be stopped by kuroo by the classroom door. he smiled down at you and booped your nose with the drink he has in hand, “your favorite.” he said, “you didn't have to, tetsu but... thank you” you smiled, but before you could even reach for the drink, kuroo retracted his hand that was holding the drink, making you frown in confusion. 

“give me your number first.” he said, handing you his phone with a smirk. you raised a brow at him and chuckled, “geez, you want to talk to me more, huh? you got a crush on me or something?” you joked as you took his phone and typed in your number, naming the contact: y/n <33.

“so what if i do?” he asked, feeling your heart flutter. damn you, kuroo. you looked up at him and raised a brow while giving his phone back. the taller man only chuckled, “what? it’s just weird we’ve been friends for a while now without having each other’s number.” he said, handing you your drink. he looked behind you as he heard his name being called before looking back down at you and gave you a smile, “i’ll text you, y/n!” he said before jogging down the hall to his friend. uhm, sign number five?

weeks have passed and joint trainings are now a thing again, but not with the boys’ volleyball team anymore! your team’s plays during the prefectural tournament got the attention of other schools, making them reach out to nekoma to have joint trainings with your team.

your days were getting busier now that the nationals is nearing. and the joint trainings were considered the missing puzzle piece for your team— experience. your team lacked experience to be able to come up with new strategies and moves, and it was a great thing to have other schools reach out to train with your team. you and the team’s manager noticed this flaw during the prefectural tournaments. and despite winning most of the joint training matches, your team was still very thankful since there was a lot your team has learned, and new friendships and connections has formed at the same time!

you and kuroo are now closer than ever. now that you have each other’s number— the two of you would often send memes to each other, exchange selfies, send each other things that remind you of each other from the internet, and greet each other good morning and good night texts. there were too many signs to count now. at this point, you were confident that kuroo felt the same.

tomorrow is the day every prefectural qualifiers has been waiting for. the nationals. and you weren’t really that nervous or stressed for it— win or lose, you know you're gonna give it your best either way. instead, you were nervous because... guess what? kuroo offered to walk you home! since he found out that he only lives a few blocks away from you through text.

you were now sure that kuroo felt the same, and you have decided to tell him about your feelings on your walk home. you’re not sure as to how it’s gonna end but you know— you know that kuroo felt the same.

as the last joint training has finished, you excitedly walked towards the school gate to meet with kuroo. “hey, dumbass” you greeted with a lazy smile. kuroo looked up at you from his phone and smiled, “hey, angel.” he greeted back, “how was fukurodani’s girls’ volleyball team?” he asked, taking the backpack you were clutching so he could carry it instead. the two of you exchanged stories as kuroo walked you home, laughing together from time to time. it was nice to walk with him like this. and you wished this could happen everyday.

once you arrived by your street, you stopped walking and sighed softly. kuroo stopped walking as well, turning to you as he sipped on his empty juice box, making loud noises come from the box. “what? what’s wrong?” kuroo asked.

“tetsu, i—" you started, taking a deep breath first before blurting it out. "i’m not really good at confessions but... i’ve been wanting to tell you that i like you for a while now.” you said, face heating up as you gathered all the courage you had in you as you stood in front of the man you were madly crushing on. “i liked you ever since you talked to me in that conference meeting and you just make me feel... really special, you know? with your stupidly cute gestures an— and sweet words. i just feel that there's something special in our connection. i was confident to even tell you this because you seemed like you’ve also been dropping these signs and hints that you felt the same. i— i just... i like you, tetsurou. i like you more than just a friend.” you said, fidgeting with the milk box you were holding as you stared up at him, waiting for his response.

tetsurou held a shocked expression on his face. he stared back down at you with his mouth agape, taking his time to gather his thoughts and words. “i— i uhm...” he started, hand moving to clutch the strap of your backpack. “i— i think you’ve mistaken the ‘signs’, y/n.” he muttered quietly.

and with that, you felt your heart drop. no. you were sure that kuroo felt the same. you wouldn’t confess if you weren’t sure of it. “...mistaken?” you asked quietly, just enough for him to hear. kuroo sighed and scratched the back of his neck, “i like you too, y/n, but only as a friend.” he said, "i— i'm sorry but... i don't see you the way you see me."

you felt stupid. you felt like the dumbest person alive as you stood in front of him. of fucking course he won't feel the same, what the hell were you thinking?!

you looked away from kuroo and breathed a laugh, "how foolish of me... i'm sorry for making you uncomfortable, kuroo." you said, taking your backpack from him. "well, uh—" you started, clearing your throat as you looked around. "we're on my street now." you chuckled awkwardly, feeling tears start to slightly cloud your eyes. "thank you for walking me home. i wish your team a good luck for tomorrow's nationals." you muttered, giving him a small bow before walking off to your house, not even waiting for his response anymore.

stupid fucking signs.

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[i-love-hobbies]

The biggest criticism Lilith's redemption arc gets and Eda's biggest strength

(ft. me getting completely side tracked and wanting a Hooty redemption arc)

Ok, so firstly I wanna talk about real life and then say how it was done in the owl house.

I hate the words "Everyone should get what they deserve." Cause firstly this never happens, secondly, the words are very vague and it opens a window of miscommunication and thirdly, cause in Lilith's case they are focused at, she needs to be hurt in order to change.

There are even people that have said that they are looking forward to watching Lilith suffer (I don't know if I've said it on the internet but I was one of them.)

Revenge has been proven to not make people feel better. And a lot of therapists usually say you need to forgive people. That doesn't mean fix the relationship, it means try to stop wishing they get hurt. Cause the feeling is only hurting you.

Also it's a normal human feeling to be angry, so no I'm not calling people monsters for this. And forgiveness is a hard process that takes a lot of work, but it usually isn't helped by hurting others.

The words people usually use to defend this sentence are:

"Consequences change people's minds or at the very least make them scared of doing it again."

Ok so how about we use this sentence instead, it's short enough and the main mission now is keeping ourselves safe Instead of it being hurting someone, you're still wishing it but it's not the main goal, it's a secondary one.

Well, cause it immediately shows two issues both statements have.

Firstly a friendship with someone that wants to hurt you but is scared of doing so is not a healthy one, cause they'll just try to be sneaky. You can only do it with people that aren't close to you like how the authorities do it towards criminals.

Secondly punishments rarely change people's minds. They've never worked on me, especially when you attack my identity, cause this way you make it even worse. And expecting that you can change someone usually means you're about to fail.

"But we can't get rid of punishments, people will hurt us."

I'm not saying we should. I'm saying our main goal should be our safety and hurting them may happen but it shouldn't be important.

Or better yet:

"Building healthy boundaries to the point where you're not getting hurt anymore, but not going overboard."

Examples:

- You have a friend you see Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. But on Wednesdays, after work, they usually are very ignorant of your feelings and sometimes joke at your expense. So you stop going out at Wednesdays.

They might never ask why you did it and that's ok, cause you're not getting hurt anymore.

But usually they do ask why? You explain to them the issue with respect, don't call them names.

Some people will change after this and you can get rid of the boundary later on.

Other people may acknowledge this and say it's a good idea, cause they are overwhelmed, but never change.

Other other people may start hurting you even more. You build the boundaries even more, sometimes to the point you cut them out of your life, even if they weren't hurting you intentionally.

Which is completely ok if you can't maintain contact without being hurt.

- Eda's handling of Gwendolyn's cures is another good one. She never called her names or anything. She just made sure that Gwen can't hurt her anymore. Cause it wasn't only the cures. Eda's feelings were always getting ignored. She literally couldn't talk with her about anything other than the curse. Her emotions were getting neglected.

- Eda's handling of Tibbles is also an interesting example.

At first after the scamming she just left him. She couldn't see how he could hurt her.

And in episode 14 she killed him. Cause he showed that he would do anything to murder her dump kids and knew their address. Almost same story with Adegast.

Yes murder in this extreme cases can be a healthy boundary.

Lilith's relationships with the owl fam

King:

King didn't know Lilith was living with them and knows about her neglect.

Luz:

Luz would only stand up for others never for herself which is very unhealthy. I don't know if she forgave Lilith, but I can see her not mentioning it if she hasn't and playing along as a teacher.

"The real mystery is how she can be both so smart and yet so wrong at the same time. Academics, am I right?"

The closest one to her she has roasted like this, is her mentor, who firstly makes people feel safe.

"EDA, You're embarrassing me Infront of my crew." - Raine, after thirty years of not seeing her.

Secondly, she was being a jerk, she was teaching Luz about cards while she was begging for magic lessons and was not getting it for weeks.

"Cards, the paper rectangles that old people think are fun."

Heck, she might even be scared of Lilith. She almost got killed.

So far I don't have a reason to think she likes her. She hasn't really talked with her or about her much.

Eda:

Eda has already shown that she can handle conflicts in relationships. Like in episode 9, where she got Luz into Hexside and everything I already said.

I made an entire post about Eda being too emotional and I still stand by it, but serious situations that have to do with relationships, she usually is very rational and good at handling them. Probably because of the curse making her afraid of her anger and countless people attacking her.

At the beginning of the series Eda probably was expecting that the worst case scenario would be for Lilith to catch her and if Lilith isn't given the time to realise what she did, she'd be killed and best case scenario Lilith changes.

Episode 5, where Lilith burned down her wanted posters, episode 8 where Lilith was gonna get her straight in the coven instead of arresting her, episode 11, where Lilith said she wanted for Eda to join on her own and episode 17, where they played grudgby.

Proved to her even more that Lilith cares a lot for her and maybe she will change.

Then episode 18 happened and King wanting hugs and Luz's "Let me die!" Suddenly the worst case scenario became not her dieing but her dieing and the trauma the kids will experience. The fact that they won't have her in their lifes.

Lilith says "Then why were you so easy to curse?!?" This does not sound like "I accidentally did this and I'm sorry." No, Eda thought Lilith did this on purpose. And now her kids might get killed by her own sister cause she was too naive to trust her.

From now on I don't think she was trying to kill her cause Lilith isn't dangerous without raw power like Adegast and Tibbles, but to disable her is a possibility.

To add to this Eda wasn't rational almost throughout the entire finale. She probably didn't pick up on the line "If you would just let me explain." Just like she didn't question why Lilith was thrown in a cage.

Then she learns that Lilith commited treason together with her kids and started feeling like she doesn't know the full story, but Lilith is still a caring person. So she jumps Infront of the beam to save both Lilith and King.

Afterwards Lilith shares the curse and has nowhere to go if she gets kicked out so there is no reason to believe that she would hurt them physically.

I know in a post I said I don't think she fully processed the situation with Lilith. But now I think I was only half right.

She didn't fully process how much she was hurt but she understood Lilith's situation. Forgave her as soon as possible, not immediately. But that doesn't mean she rebuilded the relationship as soon as she forgave her.

First of, the forgiveness part happened after episode 1. The entire episode she was guilt tripping her, which I don't think was helping the situation. It makes Lilith more emotional which then makes it harder for her to face reality.

I'm not calling Eda a bad person for this but I do think it was a mistake.

What wasn't a mistake but a good thing is Eda wasn't the one to listen to her problems, it was Hooty. Cause her emotional health matters too and standing in one room with her sister is challenging.

And now I'm wondering does Eda know about how Lilith was treated by both the coven and their parents.

Eda calling Lilith a tool, seems to me more of them competing with each other rather than the recent events. Also Lilith forcing her rules without saying why they are there.

I'm glad the episode ended with them switching roles, where Lilith is now more powerful. Though I'm pretty sure the roles are getting switched again.

So what about the rebuilding of the relationship or should I say trust.

Well they didn't show us much, but I think the trust isn't fully back.

Cause she has only been proving that she can be physically trusted like when she saved King's life.

Eda never opens up, which is unhealthy. But in this case it's a healthy boundary, cause King did it and he got Lilith projecting onto him.

Lilith isn't good at being mentally supportive and still has bad habits.

Lulu and Hootsifer

Hooty helping Lilith was something, she really needed and didn't take for granted, cause the only one to ever even consider this is Eda.

They are buddies that look out for each other. I wouldn't say they talk a lot about feelings as they have no idea how to do that, but there are examples where they do.

Like "What kind of a witch am I?" and Hooty's letter.

Her letter for Hooty, was supportive, but ignored the issue of Hooty always being in people's personal space.

Which led to Hooty drugging Eda, kidnapping three children and almost killing said kids when his plans didn't work the way he wanted. He also ate the letter for King.

I want a Hooty redemption arc, now!

[meichenxi]

Hi!! I'm a college student about to graduate and my dream is to teach English in China and I was wondering if you could somehow help me and give me some advice. I have been studying Chinese during my years at university (and I love your blog!), along with my physics degree. I don't know if any of this is relevant but my level of Mandarin is not very high (HSK3), I study in the UK and I'm planning to get a TEFL 120 hour certification in June. Is this a solid plan? Love your blog, Isa

Hiii! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I have my final exams at the moment and am on semi-hiatus. First, what an amazing dream!! You'll have a wonderful time :D

SO in general having a degree not in English language and a TEFL certificate is most definitely enough to secure you a job, but at the moment it is a rather 'special period', as every job advert says, and so finding a job is a little trickier because of visa problems.

Basically, there are no work or study visas available at the moment for people from the UK. The only people who can get into China are those who the Chinese Embassy deems 'foreign experts' and therefore 'crucial to China's progress', and your company or school will have to provide something called a PU letter. This grants you the ability to actually apply for the work visa, though itself doesn't grant it. At the moment there aren't that many companies available who can offer that.

Because of this, I'd recommend going through a recruitment company. I do not necessarily mean a graduate scheme (the ones advertised as such are not very well paid and you don't have much control over where you go), but a recruitment company. You can find these on any general site if you google 'ESL jobs China'.

In terms of actual jobs - generally speaking there are three categories, private language schools, state schools, and international schools. International schools are by far the best in terms of packages, but they rarely take graduates without 3 years of teaching experience. The good news is that if you do find somebody who is looking for recent grads (if you go to a particularly prestigious university like Oxbridge, for instance), you might be able to teach Physics or Science rather than English language. International schools will also be the easiest to deal with in terms of communication and visa applications, but the competition is quite stiff, and most people who apply will be teachers in their home countries already.

State schools are another good option if you want 'normal' teaching hours, good holidays, and older children. The position I have next year is in a good state school that has two programs, the Canadian curriculum and the GaoKao (the Chinese university entrance exam). The main disadvantage is that you may be the only foreigner in the school, and communication might be difficult. I don't just mean with Chinese but in general: you will be not told things, you will be excluded, you will turn up to your class and find someone else teaching it and be told just to go back to your office. If you can be flexible and have an open mind, state schools are great, but they may be quite exhausting especially if this is your first time in China. You will also have to teach to exams, and the curriculum might be tight. For me personally though, I would much rather teach in a state school than the next option -

Which is private language schools. These are very good - sometimes. This is the main problem: the quality of the schools, the teaching, and the ethos all vary from school to school. You may be teaching very young children, and you may be teaching exclusively in the evening. The schools may be very supportive of creativity in the classroom, or you may be literally forced to teach the flashcards they give you. The plus about these schools is that they often have competitive relocation packages, are not too bothered about how experienced (or not) you are, and that there will be a community of other English speaking colleagues (natives and not) to help you integrate.

The reason I add this is that it's so, so important. It's very laudable and easy to wish for immersion and want to make Chinese friends - and you should!! - but living in another country without easy access to internet you are used to can be exhausting at times and even the staunchest believer in immersion is going to be stressed and tired and teary far from home. Having colleagues who want to improve their English can also be a good basis for a (somewhat awkward at first) friendship.

Some general tips: brush up on your English grammar. Seriously. Because the amount of teachers who have no idea and bluff their way through it is shocking and disrespects those who try very hard to make it a proper profession. Also having students ask you when you use the present perfect continuous and the present perfect simple and not knowing the answer is a very special kind of pain!! I'd recommend bringing a reputable grammar book with you, and using it when making your lesson plans.

Re Chinese: if you already have a little, your Chinese will improve so much when you're there!! Don't stress about it because China is a wonderful environment for learning - it's literally perfect, few people speak English and EVERYBODY wants to speak to you as many people are direct and very curious - but at the same time, the more you can learn, the easier it will be. Don't neglect your characters!! Learning useful menu characters and signs will be hugely helpful too. You won't need Chinese in your job really, but you definitely will in your daily life, so well done for learning and keep at it!!

The other thing I would say is: sort out your music and your social media and your banking before going to China. This includes a good VPN. You can't download apps on the google App Store, and to make the transition to the Chinese internet easier, I'd recommend getting a Weibo account, any music app, Baidu translate and maps and so on, and accustoming yourself to that before going.

Re where you are going and the package: you should have your flight paid, help with your visa, and transparency about quarantine procedures. You should also have accommodation or an accommodation allowance of between 2000-5000 (2000 is more than fine). Public or international schools may pay for your food during school-time as well. Re cities: prioritise what is important to you. If you want to save, bear in mind that China is extraordinarily cheap and that even in places like Shanghai, you can still save a lot if you live somewhat sensibly. To give you some context: I lived in Tianjin, a second-tier city, and I got 'pocket money' of 2000 every month (with accommodation and food paid), and I managed to save enough to do martial arts for a month at an academy after 5 months. And I was living well - going out about twice a week, taking taxis, eating out almost every evening (cheap food). So don't prioritise one position over another solely because of money, and also bear in mind kindergarten teachers may only be getting about 2000-3000 a month - so regardless of whether you earn 10,000 or 15,000, it's a) SIGNIFICANTLY enough to live very well and save very well too, and b) considerably more than many of your coworkers will be earning.

Also, different cities have different costs of living: 10,000 somewhere like Hangzhou will go considerably further than 16,000 in Shanghai. Another thing to bear in mind is the air quality, and the environment, and the access to green spaces. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS. If this is important to you, go somewhere smaller or in the south with access to nature - I nearly went crazy living in such a big city with such poor air quality. The positions I had to choose between were one in Shanghai, better paid and at a better school, and a position in Zhuhai in a campus in the mountains, in a third-tier city by the sea. I know now how important green is to me, how much I prefer a more relaxed pace of life, and so I chose the latter.

Lastly, don't be intimidating and don't be afraid to ask questions about your job. Make sure that everything they say is in the contract, in both the English version and the Chinese version. This is important because only the Chinese version is legal, so if you have a friend, get them to check that the same stuff is in each bit of the contract. Communication might be difficult, but don't be afraid to be direct and press for answers, don't just accept what you're told. You might be messed around with a bit, so it's important to 'shop around' for positions - don't feel bad if you do so, and don't be afraid to turn things down that don't suit. Finally, don't feel terrified if you can't find information about a school online - a lot of stuff isn't on Google, and will also be better accessed via WeChat or mini programs. Not finding information about your school or city does not mean it doesn't exist!!

So be prepared for a wild ride - and enjoy! If you have any more questions about any of this, please feel free to ask at any time!

meichenxi out :P

[love4hobi]

sorry to be negative but i feel like it's not only bts that has gotten bad recently it's also army, i haven't loved their recent releases and even friends have turned their backs on me because i've tweeted about it when i thought it was fine voicing my opinion :( i am not a fan of many groups and i don't care for drama but sometimes it's like they're doing all the bad things they swear other groups' fans do, i miss it when we all had fun even with other groups' fans now if you interact with anyone else you get put in an anti category or something like that :( lately it feels like you can't say anything and i understand bts get a lot of hate but the hate they used to get pre fame era does not compare to the things armys say about other groups or the way they treat fans they don't agree with :/ and i'm a fan!! i've been for so long!! i just want my boys back :( so i don't understand why they use the hate bts get as an excuse when i bet they weren't even here for persona lmao it makes me sad because bts was my safe haven for a long time and in the span of a year it seems like everything got ruined :( i sincerely hope their music gets better after the pandemic if there even is bts after the pandemic, i keep wondering if these are hyung line's last comebacks and i want to cry thinking this english music and american promotions are what they will remember instead of their amazing music and everything they mean for armys. is success an money all they care about because it seems like that to me :(

no ur good ur totally right!! im sorry thats happened to u that sucks but theyre not good friends anyway if they care more about seven strangers than u! i think about this sometimes too like ive only been a fan since 2017/2018 but it feels like this obsession with streaming and just devoting all ur energy to these people who dont know u exist has only been around since 2020? late 2019 at earliest? and yet new fans (literally mots7 era and newer even though they act like veterans) act like its the way things have always been and that its normal when its really not. its not normal its weird and unhealthy!and things Definitely used to be less intense and more enjoyable! and i think the problem of people just saying the most awful things to other people and doxxing them n stuff is definitely an issue the whole internet has developed in recent years, but yes armies definitely have a big problem with it. some are such hypocrites too ur right they praise bts for promoting love and kindness and then turn around and completely contradict themselves when anyone else says anything mildly negative or critical about the boys. anyway i hope their music gets back to normal too 🥺 and i dont think we have to worry abt enlistment quite yet they definitely seem like theyre gonna keep pushing that back as long they can i think they really wanna get one last tour out,, and i dont think they officially Have to go until the end of 2022 if im not mistaken? idk but the boys themselves still seem to be the same genuine humble people theyve always been, and i will continue to blame columbia records for yhe direction theyve taken during the pandemic until i get proven otherwise 😁 i cant help but think they might just be tired u know? theyve been grinding non stop for over 8 years with only one month long “break” in all that time (when some of them were still working even during that time)? theres no way there isnt some serious fatigue catching up to them, and that might be why theyre going along with what their record label wants more willingly, up until they do enlist which will be the first actual sort of rest theyve received since debuting :/ so while i criticize their recent releases i do think they should be cut some slack, i just wish if they were gonna do that they would actually let them rest instead of still putting out these half assed songs in the meantime u kno

[autiebiographical]

Hi, autie.

I love you.

Um, sorry... I don't have a word to tell you how thankful I am to your comics. So if you perceive this as a kind of love confession, I'm sorry as my love see you as friends.

Please skip this to end part if you feel tired, it will be a long story from the start.

Uh... I admit I don't have a good english and my own tongue, so let's hope that my words will reach you.

I am an Introvert Feeling with autisme and I only knew it last year (I am 20 right now as four days ago it's my birthday (but I'm feeling that I still in 10 years old or older than 50)).

At first, when I'm still ten years old, I have uncontrollable emotions like angry at jokes and broke things (fortunately, I kind of controlled it now?). I kind of keep myself caged at library or my room as playing with other children will trigger my trauma. The same year, I had accident cause I saw my higher class did it and nothing happened to him. I followed him even though I kept telling me to stay away. But I remembered that I don't feel anything, like I am confused to see my teachers worried? And I went to hospital.

After that, I remembered when I was in kindergarten. When I accidentally made my friend fell of from spinning wheel (it's crowded and I am the spinner (I'm not on it)), I am confused why she's crying and only focus on the spin (kind of, my memories was hazy). Now, I feel guilty everytime I remembered that.

I felt that I'm dangerous (not only because of that), so I shut myself away from peers. Even, from my families.

Everytime, everyday, every month, and every years... I always asked myself, why I am like this... why I did that... or why I keep thinking this instead of interacting with human?

I don't know and the god answered me with one book (I realised it one year later). It was about Autism or Asperger Syndrome. I remembered that I told my parents to bought that for my interests looking and want to learn psychology (cause in the past, I met it and interacted with some? Or I was bullying them without me realizing? I don't know)

I related some in the book but it still didn't clicked my mind. I just thought, "Isn't it normal?"

And one year later... I got diagnosed for depression, anxiety, etc. It was the test online from university that I dropped out now (I don't feel anything, just like when I was accepted by it).

Not only that, I was sent by the doctor to psychiatrist cause I always said that my body feel pain even though I'm okay? (I only knew the reason after I learnt about bio psychology only for two weeks ago)

After questioning many things, my psychiatrist said that I have to test three times. One is for my iq (this was fine as I always love this kind of quiz), one is for my like or hate (I always exhausted and kind of made some questions in bland), and finally the one I didn't recognized (The answer of all my suffering but I still need help cause I don't know the feeling in the question).

I answered it all with more honesty than I would in high school (cause I thought with the brain, not feeling) and kind of shocked to my answer. It has more than one answers, as like 'how much this will happen questions'

And... voila, my psychiatrist asked me if I know Asperger syndromes?

I said maybe but don't catch the memories where did I knew the words. I searching in internet and found one pictures that related to my experiential live hoods (surprise! I am a girl). Somehow, my life been flashed around my eyes. Just maybe... I did that (the 'bullying' or imteraction I had to them) because I was kind of jealous of them, like they can be free to express their emotion because someone already knew their diagnosis (my parents until now didn't get the official result of my test (and I always thought that they think I just want some reason to be... accepted behaviour (remember... that I have to kept this thing all by myself for 8 years)). Fortunately (before I went to the new university), I had a therapy (only for four times cause money and time), kind of better now.

So why am I so thankful to you?

It's so many so I just list what I remembered now.

1. Your comics helped me to write about autistic OCs (yeah... It's kind of piled up now) and recognized that my info dumping was informations about all of my OCs (yes, I kind of remembered that) and making relation one to another characters.

2. You are one of the reason that;

I love myself,

I picked psychology course,

I know how to interact with other autistics,

I know that it's okay to be self diagnosed,

I know that I'm not alone,

And finally... It's okay to info dumping but I still see the situation first.

In conclusion, you saved my life. But why?

Oh I forgot to tell you, it's really crucial for me.

I kind of have suicidal mind, like my thoughts were step ahead of me and I saw myself jumped to the running car when I wanted to crossing the streets (in the past I kind of got hit by motorcycle and I was fine only scratches (it was a secret)) or when I was using the knife, I saw it as my skins got bloody.

Fortunately, all of that only illusion and I still kind of controlled myself (cause my lessons in school and my mother scolded me that I am important to my parents (I always thought that they still had my younger sister if I were gone since my childhood))

As I am reading your comics, I kind of had found hope in my life now... like if you can tell your comics to the world, why I can't be?

So... Thank you and I am sorry if you feel attacked or think that I only joking with my autistic diagnosis (i'm not joking). Don't worry to skip my ask if you feel uncomfortable (I knew the feeling to feel tired through a long chat in group chatroom but I can't help it).

Oh and sorry for not watching you live, cause my anxiety made me not liking to hear other my family's voice even my own voice (except songs, I tolerated that).

I learnt that if someone said love to the one their loved ones, It will came back to you. (I got it from my imagination friend, yeah... I still had them until now).

Then goodbye and I love you with your comics, see you soon😁

Thank you so much. I really don’t think you’re joking about your autism, and this message didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or attacked at all. Sorry it took a while to respond though.

I’m so happy that my comic helped you so much. Life is so scary, and confusing when you think there’s something wrong with you, and that you’re alone, when in reality there’s nothing wrong, and you’re not alone. The fact that my comic helped you learn to love yourself just fills my heart with so much joy. It took me so many years to learn to love myself so I understand how hard it can be. I wish you nothing but the best, and hope that your life just keeps getting better!

[veterveter]

YO MANU THIS FINALLY CAME THROUGH I'LL LIKE READ AND DO COMMENTARY AND EDIT THIS LATER BUT I WANTED TO POST IT WHILE I HAD IT!!!!

Bless, tumblr finally working for you.

Anyway, here's the post from @delirious-and-slightly-murderous

So seeing as Tumblr hates me, I'm trying this darling, hope it reaches you.

So just read rat king.

[You should all totally read rat king if you haven't yet, it's fun I promise :) But also read Manu's commentary on it!!]

Tuuli I hope you know I love you and completely adore you and I am in awe of you but right now I HATE YOU. 

You broke me AGAIN. And I was just mending myself.

This was great and beautiful and fantastic and completely awful and the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. 

I'm crying.

So now I'm going to make a habit of coming to scream at you on tumblr every time you post something. 

You already know how I feel about your characterization and Andrés' POV and the angst. So there, it applies here too.

Here we go you awful and magnificent goddess.

“Martín,” Sergio clarified, moving up his glasses, the prescription of which was much too weak for his continuously worsening eyesight, “I think you should stop sleeping with him: Yes, Segio and his judgement. That couldn't not be there. But Andrés and Martín are sleeping together? I know this is going to hurt.

Martín was a constant in his life, something carried over from before. Martín? Martín wasn’t a problem; Martín was the only one thing that was good: at least here he appreciates him. Thank god.

Before, he would have found some entirely healthier way of loving his soulmate. Maybe they would have even had an old-world relationship, eventually. Andrés felt like he might have liked that, once. He knew Martín would have loved it: 😭 I want this for them and it hurts that it's simply not going to happen. I'm afraid of the MCD tag, Tuuliiiiiiiiiiii! Who did you kill, you murderous genius?

Andrés needed Martín, desperately. Too desperately to love him the way he should have: I'm going to die. He could at least try but nooooo, god forbid the day Andrés de Fonollosa makes things simple for anyone.

Andrés could see the way orgasms had loosened some of the tensions that so often gripped his body, and he hoped Sergio could too.😏

 If Andrés had to choose only one, he would have certainly chosen— : repressed asshole. I hope that was going to end with the word Martín. Why are you even getting married? What's even the point. But I see Andrés will continue to be emotionally stunted even when the world is ending.

Martín and Sergio had gotten along well, before. Andrés could remember so many pleasant evenings, just the three of them and a bottle of wine. But ever since they had to move to this base, the tensions had been palpable. They were both desperately trying to keep them alive, but were constantly disagreeing on the how: I'm starting to like Sergio more than Andrés here, how is that possible? How? See what you do Tuuli?

He turned around at the doorway and left the room, because he had no doubts about it: they would listen to him: Andresito, you are being too egocentric, this is not going to end well, for anyone.

Andrés understood just enough to know he was proud.: I don't know how to feel about this Andrés. I can't.

Andrés always tried not to take the slights of this brave new world personally – it was cruel, but they all had to endure loss of unspeakable magnitude – but this? Having to choose between his Martín and his brother?: Oh no, Oh no, NO. This isn't fair. Why do I get the terrible feeling we already know who he's going to choose? Please DON'T do this.

Andrés knew with unwavering certainty that either one of them would be willing to do it, and that they would consider it a great big favour to Andrés, and not the horrifying curse it truly was. He was the one who would have to pay the ultimate price, and live, knowing how much it had cost: Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it Andrés. You fucking deserve it.

Andrés could appreciate such a malleable room, because it reminded him of Martín, who always became what Andrés needed him to be.😡😭💔

Martín had never cared about plants, before. Actually, he seemed to have held a certain disdain for them. He had always said they were stupid and lifeless. Now he was looking at these ones, their lifeline, and he was filled with reverence and sorrow. If Andrés could have given him one thing, he would have liked to return to him his complete disregard for flora, and all the things it had since then come to imply: This hurts, and not only for obvious reasons. But nature? Fuck right in the feels.

Martín was entirely too pretty to look like this. They hadn’t even been having sex, because suddenly Martín looked like his eternally calcium-deficient bones might now break from the strain. Pretty Martín yeah! And you are a genius. Now this is my official headcanon as to why Martín drinks milk, he has fragile bones, the poor baby.

The weird walking corpse at the table smiled, and it almost made him resemble Martín.: He's already halfway dead. The MCD tag is him isn't it? I hate you Tuuli.

Andrés had to remind himself that he was lucky to have this. He may have had so many better things, before, but now he had this, and that was good. They had it better than most, him and Martín, for they had each other. Andrés still had his brother, and now he would have his wife, too. He was lucky: Not for long, buddy. And you deserve it. Poor Sergio I normally hate him but gosh.

“No,” Andrés said without waiting for a single beat, because he couldn’t let Sergio think he considered it. Even though he almost— “No, I don’t. I want you two, both of you, to figure out a way. A different way.”: He loves them both and he accepts it? Why does the world have to be ending.

Andrés tried not to think too much about Martín from before, but sometimes he did anyway. That night, as he wrapped his arms around Martín’s pathetic, weak and shivering frame, he thought about his true soulmate, the one this body had once belonged to.: Now I understand Martín sacrificing himself is the only way. He's already dead. And because of Andrés no less. How tragic.

Andrés had never said it back.

That night, he didn’t say it back.: Now Martín is going to die and it'll be horrible isn't it? Tuuli I want to murder you.

I’m so sorry, Andrés,” Sergio said quietly, slowly reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Andrés recoiled from it, sharply. “No,” he snapped, “No. We are all going to die. Say those words, Sergio. We are all going to die.” He had made his peace with death long ago. There were worse things, many things so much more horrifying—

“We are not all going to die,” Sergio said, “The generator—” His words were cut off by Andrés’s hand on his throat, squeezing.: You are the king of denial, bad decision, being stupid, emotionaly stunned and not appreciating your soulmate enough Andrés. You deserve all the pain.

“He doesn’t deserve that,” Andrés said, his voice breaking again as he thought of it, Martín’s body, his corpse, frozen and preserved like that for as long as they would live. Martín, out there, while Andrés was in here, unable to ever go and give him even a proper burial. He had always been able to give Martín so little, and in death he would fail him yet again: I really have no words for this. But Martín being forever preserved out there and Andrés knowing that and not being able to mourn him. That is genius and it hurts and it's the perfect ending for them.

Andrés had never told him. Not once. How could he be certain that Martín had known? How could he insist that Martín, the brightest of them all, had known, when Andrés had never told him? Martín operated in words – how could Andrés have forced him to read his love in a language he didn’t even speak?: Now you confront your feelings too late, like always you repressed asshole. You deserve all the pain.

God, he wished Martín hadn’t been so bright. That he had been an idiot, dim-witted and slow like the rest of them.

Then the two of them would have let all of humanity perish.: You already murdered me with 'stay a while' and now this. Tuuli I'm coming back as a vengeful ghost and haunting your perfect ass.

So yeah, I don't have words but that's what I could spit out.

And Tuuli, you know the thing I showed you about the spider? Well when I finished reading this I was crying and wailing. My professor came running because he thought it was another spider or something even worse like a serpent.

When he asked what was going on I was in such a state I could only say 'rat' like a dumbass. 

RAT.

Like seriously? And when he asked again I said Rat king fic and pointed vaguely to my phone. 

He thought I was talking about an actual rat.

So imagine this. We are there, at night (in Costa Rica nightfall is around 6:00pm all year round, so now it's 9:00pm and here in the tropical rainforest it gets Dark), camping in the middle of nowhere in the wild with a tropical storm falling over our heads and I start crying about Rats. 

Congratulations Tuuli, you put me in such a state that I managed to send the whole of 9 biologists into a frenzy, frantically checking out the tents over an imaginary giant rat. 

It was literally terror in the jungle. 

I wanted the earth to shallow me. I didn't know how to explain that all that circus was because of a fucking fic.

I think now I no longer have satelital internet rights.

I hate you.

(P.S: But don't worry I still absolutely adore you, even if now I am the laughing stock of my fellows 🥰😘♥️)

Here have my friend the spider to show how I'm feeling.

[lihikainanea]

Hello! I'm a new supporter of your work just very very recently, just yesterday to be specific, and I couldn't help but notice just how much you're experienced with life, love, pain, with the way you navigate through the landscape of imagination through Bill and it really intrigued me and inspires me to do and be better. You sound and seem to be such a wonderful person. If you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living?

Ohhhhhhh you’re a real newbie aren’t you? Hello, new friend. Welcome welcome welcome, I’m glad you’re here and let me tell you--Baby you are the SWEETEST. Thank you so, so much for these kind words.

I think I’m just....a little older than the average age here, and even though I’m still young (shut up, 34 is young) I have indeed lived a LOT of life in those years. I made a whole shit ton of mistakes, most of them fun and very much worth it. And my advice is sometimes really fucking awful, but also, I am VERY adamant on talking about the things that I wish people had told me when I was in my crucial years. I developed all kinds of unhealthy views on sex because of what I learned and read and gleaned from the dark corners of the internet, and because I had nobody to talk to. I got all kinds of weird ideas about romance and relationships and the fact that they shouldn’t ever include pain. In my 20s I had the worst time thinking that I was nowhere NEAR where I felt like I should be at that age, and I’m just so incredibly committed to being VERY LOUD about how that all is bullshit, and how your life can literally come together in just like 2 months, and how being broke for most of your 20s and moving out “late” (you think it’s late--it’s not, trust me) doesn’t fucking matter. It’s normal.

Nobody has a career anymore until they’re well into their 30s, and careers look like all SORTS of different things now. It’s not the 9-5. It’s not the 100K + salary. It’s whatever you fucking want and that’s okay.

All that to say, I am literally an open book about anything except two things: 1) what I do, and 2) what my real name is. It’s just things that I can’t share for 287358469469 different reasons and all of them very complicated and simultaneously mundane and boring. I’m sorry. I can tell you I (used to) travel a lot, and that I genuinely love what I do, but that’s about it.

I hope you’ll stick around anyway xo

[aro-culture-is]

1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

--

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

--

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

[amusedyan]

I'm loving your blog. So listen, I'd die for some Ouran content. Maybe a Kyoya falling for a guest at some Ootori party, she was brought along by some wealthy friend of hers and is not into the wealthy elite at all, something that bothers but intrigues Kyoya. I'd love to see him try to woo her, become protective of her, because she lives such a dangerous regular commoners life without body guards. Then try to save her from that life. How would he react to her misbehaving or being generally 1/2

Unhappy with the situation he’s put her in? Whether it’s him micromanaging every aspect of her life or him having actually locked her up in some corner of the Ootori manor? Personally, I always saw Kyoya as someone who enjoyed old-fashioned punishments. Like a spanking over the knee. But it’s totally up to you. I love where you took that Bakugo fic, so I trust you to take this where ever. Honestly, I’d just be so grateful if you had any Ouran content to offer. Again, love your work so far 2/2

Yay my first Ouran request! Thanks so much nonnie for requesting this, I love Kyoya- his deadpan humor and general attitude just give me so many ideas and make him such a great character! And those same traits make him terrifying as a yandere!

Bitter

You hated fancy parties.

You picked at your collar and tried not to look like you were bored out of your mind as all the rich people mingled and laughed discussed business over food and drinks more expensive than your family’s monthly grocery bill. 

It was funny. You could write off your friend’s eccentric behavior, but in a group of rich people? Well, the bitterness crept back in and left a sour tang in your mouth. 

You glanced down at your flute of champagne. It would be, what, your third? Reluctantly you returned it- you were a guest, getting blackout drunk was not on your shortlist of ‘great ideas for parties full of rich people’. So you just mingled politely, staying close to your friend.

“Mr. Ootori!” She declared happily, waving over a dark haired man with a calm smile and glasses. There’s half a moment of hesitation on his part before he approaches- you can’t blame him; a brief word with your friend turns into half an hour with her.

“Glad you could make it,” he offered dutifully, and oh that was interesting- he had that same look in his eyes you did- like he couldn’t stand his own kind. It had to be some kind of joke.

You found yourself smiling for the first time that night, and caught the way his eyes flashed at you for the briefest of seconds before it was gone.

Maybe you’d imagined it.

“I see you’ve made use of the plus one on your invitation.” He remarked, and your friend laughed and introduced you.

Ootori nodded and looked back at you with a raised eyebrow, “I don’t believe I’ve heard of you.” His tone was just detached enough that you couldn’t be sure if it was a joke or an insult.

“You wouldn’t- I’m not pedigreed.” You wished you could take a drink as a mic drop. Instead you just had to content yourself with your friend’s horrified look.

But Ootori just looked amused.

“Man people prefer mutts to purebreds,” he said in that same level tone.

As a person who’d had several mutts growing up, you could confirm that they were better. Less health problems. 

He asked what your job was and you mentioned the field, notwanting to stray into talk about work. Work was work, and frankly here wasn’tthe place to talk about it. Thankfully Ootori accepted it and didn’t push,instead managing to draw you into aconversation that didn’t make you want to beat your own head in. It was nice.

Finally, he had to excuse himself and see to his otherduties as host, but before he left he caught your hand and brought it up to pressa gentle kiss there. It stopped you short, as did the small smile playing onhis lips.

“Until we meet again,” he promised cryptically, before goingoff to join his people.

Your friend was gawking at you.

You decided maybe one more glass of champagne wouldn’t hurtyou.

Two weeks after the Ootori party Kyoya Ootori himself walkedinto your favorite coffee shop, saw you and invited himself to sit at yourtable after taking his order. The man was far out of his element but didn’tseem in the least bit uncomfortable, exuding a calm confidence and sense ofcontrol that made clear why he was so good at his job.

(And yeah, you had gone the creepy route and looked him upon the internet, rather than just asking your friend; they might have gone toschool together once upon a time but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t misreadyour questions as interest and let him know about it on a lark.

Despite being the youngest Kyoya had managed to earn hisplace as heir of Ootori conglomerate. He was ruthless in business but one hellof philanthropist, setting up multiple scholarship programs for elite schoolsthat lower income students wouldn’t have access to, on top of the dozens ofother charities that the company donated to on the regular. And that was whatyou could track down in maybe 45 minutes)

“Pretty far from your side of town,” you observed, addinganother packet of sugar to your coffee.

“I had business in the area and needed a coffee.” You hummed and watched him watch you.

He was quiet for a minute and you took the time to drink your coffee. His was pure black, you’d heard him order it.

“You remind me of a friend I had.” He said suddenly, and you stayed quiet, although you were a little confused because he didn’t seem like the type to have friends. “She wasn’t impressed by money either.”

“Smart of her.”

He chuckled a little bit, no more than a huff. 

“I’d like to take you out for dinner sometime.” Now that actually made you look at him properly. He hadn’t taken his eyes off you yet.

“Because I’m not interested in money?”

“Because I find your conversation relaxing and I’d like to think you feel the same way.”

It was a bit weird; you’d had maybe 20 minutes total of talking with this man. Technically those twenty minutes were enjoyable. Kyoya was blunt and composed and intelligent; you could appreciate that in a man.

“Alright.” You agreed, surprising yourself.

Kyoya’s smile unfolded into something a little more open. You wondered how often people saw this one.

You exchanged numbers and the promise of detail exchange later; you had to get back to work soon, and even though he didn’t say he needed to leave you were sure that he needed to get back too.

There were flowers on your desk at work the next day.

The bouquet was gorgeous; lavender roses and baby’s breath- you didn’t even know that lavender roses this nice were in season.

The card on the vase (a very nice, very expensive looking vase) confirmed your suspicions.

I saw these and thought of you.

                                          -Ootori Kyoya

And you smiled because it was really thoughtful.

But…how did he know where you worked?

Ootori: Did you receive the flowers?

Me: Yes I did! They’re beautiful, thanks!

Me: How did you know where I worked?

Ootori: You told me at the party, remember?

Me: Ah, sorry, I must have forgotten!

Me: Thanks again, Ootori.

Ootori: Call me Kyoya, please.

You work out a good night for the both of you to go out. It took some shuffling on your part, but at least Kyoya seemed willing to work with you.

He meant what he said at least- he was serious about dinner.

And it was dinner at a really nice restaurant; one that had a really long wait list ordinarily and didn’t have a price on the menu.

Well, you get to break out your formal clothes again, and it was nice to watch the way Kyoya’s expression changed when you entered the dining area. The softening of his mask maybe. 

“You look nice.” Was all he said about it, though, even as he stood up to pull out your chair for you.

“Thanks, so do you.” And he did. Kyoya could have worn anything and pulled it off, probably.

The server came by moments later with wine and glasses. That was nice at least, but again…

“You ordered for me?” You asked, smiling. He nodded.

“I thought it more convenient.” 

Pushy, but whatever, he meant well.

Except…

The pushing didn’t stop.

It started with the wine, yeah, but it just got worse.

Kyoya didn’t understand how to not overstep his bounds, and he always looked amused when you started to point out that looking up your girlfriend’s home address was still creepy, even when the intent was to send you flowers. And he sent you a lot of flowers.

But no, Kyoya, having several bodyguards walk you home from work didn’t make you feel safe, especially when they weren’t allowed to talk to you.

And he just…he didn’t get it.

You wanted to break up with him, but the problem was Kyoya, when he wasn’t disrespecting your boundaries at least, was charming, intelligent, and honestly you liked him a lot. You just figured it was one of those things you would work out with him, or maybe it was new relationship jitters.

When Kyoya tried to give you a watch more expensive than your apartment, you finally, firmly, put your foot down.

“It’s too expensive,” you argued firmly.

“I already bought it.”

“Then return it, because I can’t possibly accept it.” It made you uncomfortable, how willing he was to drop so much money on you so fast.

“I can’t return it, it was personalized.” He said, frowning. And…okay, touching, but still…

You turned it over in your hand and blinked at the elegant writing

For my darling

“That’s…really sweet, Kyoya.”

He hugged you gently, awkwardly. You got the feeling he wasn’t used to initiating, but that was fine.

“I just want you to have the best.”

“I know.”

(Your first time with Kyoya is…wonderful. He worships you and breaks you apart gently and puts you back together with his touch. The whole time he looks at you like he’s having a religious experience, doesn’t break eye contact, doesn’t close his eyes.

For a minute you could have sworn he was crying)

Kyoya started inviting you to parties and events with him three months into your relationship.

The idle speculation and blank smiles from your time as a normal guest were gone, replaced with biting comments and passive aggression. It sucks, but it gave you an excuse to stay with Kyoya, and he didn’t seem to mind. 

It was nice though, watching that dark look flash in his eyes when someone made a comment.

But he kept your hand in his and doted on you in his own way all evening.

You split away from him, briefly, to use the bathroom and check how you looked in the mirror. Not a hair was out of place and you didn’t look a thing like yourself.

On your way back, not 10 feet from your boyfriend, a guest flush with bourbon and bolstered by his friends inquired “how much the Ootori runt paid for you” because he’d “pay double”. You flushed with rage, but before you could get a word out Kyoya was the one to appear and drag you out of his sight.

“I could have handled it, Kyoya.” You promised, but he shook his head.He didn’t stop, handing over the tickets to get your coats. “The party isn’t over yet, don’t you still have business-”

“They don’t deserve to look at you,” he snarled, and it was with a vehemence you never would have expected from him, it startled you so bad.

“Kyoya-”

“No. We’re going home and they’re never going to see you again.”

Oh.

You took your coat, quiet, letting Kyoya guide you to his car and opened it for you, sliding into the backseat with you.

“Are you ashamed of me?” You asked quietly, watching him roll up the tinted divider between you and the driver.

Are you going to leave me? Went unasked. That fear just…it crippled you. He wouldn’t, would he? Just because his associates didn’t like you?

“Never.” He promised firmly, pulling you into his lap. You hesitated but moved to assist, curling up against him. “I would never be ashamed of you. You’re mine.” And those words were so cold, despite the warm look in his eyes.

“But you said-”

“They’ll never set eyes on you again because they don’t deserve to look at you. I’m going to take you home and you’re going to stay there where I can keep you safe and away from their filthy eyes. Alright, darling?”

His lips were on your neck, his whisper made your bones warm. But you shook your head no.

“Kyoya, it’s fine, people are going to be rude-”

“They don’t have a right to be that way to you, not when you’re mine.”

You laughed a little, trying to diffuse the tension, squirming, trying to get off his lap. Kyoya’s arms were iron around you though, holding you tight, so tight you couldn’t breathe.

“Let go of me, Kyoya,”

“No, we’re going home and I’m going to show you how much you’re worth.”

“As romantic as that sounds, I really have to get back to my place-”

Kyoya’s grip on your jaw was punishing, his nails digging in and bruising you for for sure. 

“Shut up.”

“Kyoya-”

He kissed you harsh, it was biting and angry and you were sure that you tasted blood.

“You are mine. I’ve let you wander long enough, so be quiet and be good and everything will be fine. If you don’t then I will have to hurt you, do you understand?” When you didn’t answer right away he shook you. 

“Understand?”

[imaginebeatles]

hey, I hope this isn't too personal that it makes uncomfortable,but I'm kind of starting to learn about my sexuality and knowing that you're asexual I was just wondering how you figured it out, u know that ur asexual, and this might be the stupidest/longest question you've aver got but like if you fell in love with someone does things change and how did you deal with it?

No! It doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I know how tough it can be trying to figure things out and having someone tell about their own experiences can really help. This answer may end up being a little rambly (figuring stuff out was confusing for me and took years). This answer is long, so I hope it’ll help you. 

If you have any questions, message me. I don’t mind talking about it :) 

Basically, I never really questioned my sexuality at first. I grew up in a very open-minded household (my mum’s bisexual herself) and I always figured that I’d fall in love with whoever I fell in love with. If it was a girl, then it was a girl. If it was a guy, it was a guy. I never really experienced sexual feelings towards anyone, but I did like the idea of romance and intimacy (still do) so I figured it would come later when I met the right person. Sex was always taught to me by my parents and school as a natural thing that everyone will engage in and that you’ll start feeling those desires when you’re older. For me, I thought sex was weird (the idea of actually doing it or people actually having done it kinda seemed very weird to me), but it still interested me and I liked reading smut fics and having private me time ;) 

When I had my first serious crush at 16/17 however, things got... complicated. He was a friend of mine from school and we began hanging out more during a school trip to America, at which point I began to slowly realise I kinda fancied him. However, even though I wanted to hang out with him and be with him and touch him (hold hands, etc.) and kiss him, I never thought about him in a sexual way (I tried once but had to stop after five seconds because... no). At that point, I had started to learn more about lgbt+ stuff (although my country is accepting, they can do a lot better in terms of education. basically all our sex ed was about heterosexual sex with one a few lose comments along the lines of “sometimes girls like girls and guys like guys” but nothing more in depth than that. The joke was mainly that you didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.) 

Nothing ever happened between me and the guy (we went on a double date once and flirted a little, but we were both too shy to do anything, and right now I’m kinda glad, seeing as I didn’t know I was asexual yet and having a romantic relationship would have made that whole thing so much more difficult), but it got me to question my sexuality, especially because I realised that even though I liked girls and thought they were beautiful and had strange feelings sometimes, I never wanted to have sex with them, but neither did I want to have sex with guys, making me question if I was bi again (which I am) (also, at this point, people kinda started thinking I was gay (friends and family), so that got me thinking too). 

At this point, I knew about the asexual label, but I didn’t fully understand it (there was a lot of ace discourse happening back then, which didn’t help at all with making me feel like I was experiencing a normal thing). Having always been taught sex=love=sex, I thought that if you were ace you couldn’t have a relationship with anyone and would never be able to love anyone. I really did not want to be asexual, not wanting to die alone. Now, I know this is, of course, complete bullshit, but I was still figuring stuff out. I did find the gray ace label at that point, which offered me a bit more freedom, so I adopted that privately when I started university two years later, though I never came out to anyone. 

At uni I came into contact with other lgbt+ people and we had a lot more academic discussions about gender and sexuality too, which made me question a lot of stuff again. I did more research on both gray ace and asexuality, and got more confident with the gray-ace label. On a holiday to London with one of my closest friends, I came out to them, and we talked and while she didn’t understand it, it did help me think about it more. That was the summer before my third year of university, which I would spend abroad in Edinburgh. Before leaving, I did more research on asexuality and got a more thorough understanding, and finally realised that maybe asexual described me better, so I adopted that label for my exchange year. There, I also didn’t come out, but I did more research and used the label privately for myself for half a year, before I finally came out to @chut-je-dors when I was certain it fitted me. I talked with her about asexuality and she kinda understood. That’s when I fully realised and accepted I was asexual.

Coming home that summer, I told my mum, who started to learn more about it too and then my step-dad. Then, last spring I accepted I was bi too, and that’s kinda where I’m at right now. I’m “out” in the sense that if anyone were to ask about my love life or sexuality, I would tell them, but because I’m generally quite private, I haven’t really told anyone else yet. 

I’m sorry if this was rambly and i don’t know if any of what I told you will help in anyway, but basically, for me, it was a relatively long journey. I was lucky to grow up in an accepting environment, but still the lack of information and the negativity around asexuality really did not help me accept myself. I still struggle with it sometimes, but now I do like being asexual. I wouldn’t want to change it. It’s just who I am and I don’t miss it. 

I did a lot of research on the internet (AVEN is a great resource, as well as youtube videos), and talked about it with people who I could trust, even if they didn’t know anything about asexuality themselves. But yeah, I really didn’t know I was asexual until I was 21 and even then, I didn’t fully accept myself completely until quite recently at 22/23. University was especially a struggle at times, because of certain courses I took where this kinda stuff around my sexuality came up, but it forced me to really look within myself and analyse myself and listen to what exactly i wanted, both in a relationship and sexually. 

The important thing to keep in mind is that asexuality is a broad umbrella term and everyone’s experiences are different. People’s attitudes to sex are different, as well as if they still want a romantic relationship (I do, though I only experience romantic feelings for someone I have an emotional connection with) or not. Also, some things that you may be taught are sexual, aren’t necessarily that. I’m a very sensual person when it comes to romantic relationships and I love intimacy and closeness and touching, but actual sex is a big no for me (though I’m open for negotiations, as I may have forms of sex to satisfy my partner and for closeness with them, but it’s about intimacy, not sex. I can get it through other ways too). This means that my experience of sex is different from others, even if the act itself is similar. Lots of ace people also have kinks for example, but it’s about emotional trust and connection (or something else), rather than sex itself. 

In terms of romantic relationships... I’ve only ever really wanted to date one guy and I didn’t. However, being in love didn’t change anything for me. I still liked him romantically, and I still see people who I fancy romantically or sensually or aesthetically. It’s just that I don’t want to have sex with them. However, as I’m quite neutral about sex, I’d be able to negotiate something with my partner if they want, but this depends on the partner as well as personal boundaries, which differ from person to person. Also, I didn’t really feel like dating anyone until last summer, because that’s when I figured out what kind of relationship I want. Now that I know who I am and what I want, i’m more comfortable putting myself out there and getting a romantic partner. 

Asexuality can be rather frustrating when it comes to dating, however. It makes it a bit more complicated, because you have to be sure you’re compatible in bed as well. That doesn’t mean you can only date ace people when you’re ace, but it requires good communication. However, anyone should probably have good communication with their partners, so to a certain degree, I’d say it’s better because it forced you to do this. The important thing is to know what you want and what your boundaries are. But really, in terms of feelings towards another person, it’s not that different. I just don’t want to have sex with them, but I still want to be with them and do all the other stuff couples do. Sex is not a requirement for a good and healthy relationship :) 

Aside from this, I had some very ace moments of walking with my friends in the streets and not noticing cute guys, because it’s not what I’m thinking about, or feeling weird when people bring up their crushes or sex life, because it seems so foreign and strange. Sometimes the idea that people actually have sex is still a bit weird to me. I just don’t have that desire with other people. 

Anyway, I hope this someone helped you, at least a little bit. If you wanna talk more, please don’t be afraid to message me. Figuring out your sexuality can be lonely and I sure wish I had someone to talk about it back when I was first questioning myself. Just take your time and don’t worry too much. Stuff will make sense eventually.