#i'm so tired of it. i feel so trapped. the house is never clean and if i tried to clean it and 'misplaced' something i'd get screamed

[vvayne]

i really wish i had my life together and wasn't still living with my parents.

[miniisunshine]

It's here! My Kappa x new girl is out

Synopsis : Was he yours if he wanted me so bad

Warnings : AFAB ready, P in V, swearing, dubious consent?, dom Kappa, sort off humiliation kink

Being the new girl in an already established group is never easy, even harder when there's princess treatments for one, but boy oh boy were you determine to move that bitch and take her place sooner or later.

You've met Kappa for the first time in an alleyway; while you were trying to steal from a creepy guy, your plan failed miserably and you ended up trap inbetween him and a brick wall. Trying to escape from his strong grasp, delaying the horrible nightmares who would come next, you were lucky enough to be saved by the long black haired cult leader. Immediately hypnotised by his cold icy gaze, you didn't need to think one minute to accept his invitation to join his "human-robots killers group". I mean, you were already in the crime industry, what could go wrong?

Already head over heels for this man, you were greeted with a cold shower when you first met Kappa's favorite one : Theta. And she made it veeery clear to you that he was hers and she was his, like a prince to his princess.

But what she didn't know was, at night, the one she called "mine" was in your bed, carressing and kissing you, whispering sweet words into your ears as he fucked you until you couldn't see clear and you loved it, even though you still wanted to be more than just his midnight love.

So one night, as you were laying on his chest, drawing circles on his skin, you poured your heart out for Kappa.

"Are you gonna claim me as yours one day?"

"Why are you asking that Sugar?"

You sighed

"I'm tired of being your dirty little secret, i should be the one you show proudly, not Theta.."

"But i love you just like i love her, isn't that enough?"

"No it's not! And you clearly don't LOVE her if you keep coming in my bed every night! Stop lying with those words."

You almost screamed.

Shocked by your anger he got off the bed, raising his hand to slap you, but didn't, like a force prevented him from doing so. Without a word, he stormed out the room, leaving you crying quietly on your matress, deeply affected by his unequival feelings to you.

As the night goes by, sadness grew into anger and anger became vengance: let's see how long he could resist keeping you a secret to the rest of the group.

In the morning, you threw off the sluttiest nightgown you could find, parading in front of everybody, purposefully getting the attention of every man who would get an eyeful of your body.

Bending over to grab the milk in the fridge, your eyes met Kappa's furious gaze, as you slowly poured the liquid in a glass. Because Theta was peacefully eating her breakfast next to you, he knew nothing could be done right now to stop this show you put on before lunch, preventing "his" men from looking at you like lions looking at their prey.

You finished your milk, winking at him while licking your lips, as you went back into your room, changing yourself, ready to attack this beautiful day.

Since nothing was scheduled today, you decided to take on the tasks you were given one your first day : cleaning the house. Washing and scrubing was something you enjoyed a lot and with a boring day like this, it was the perfect activity to waste your time one.

As the hour passed, you were left all alone in the house, cleaning the dining room, while the others benefited from the great warmth outside, or so you thought.

Deeply focus into your work, you didn't heard Kappa's footsteps rapidly approaching, caging you with his chest on your back and his hands trapping yours on the table.

"You have 5 seconds to explain what happened this morning Sugar."

He asked calmly, with a bittersweet undertone.

"I don't know what you're talking about.."

You said innocently, but deep down, this moment was all you hoped for after what you have done earlier.

"Don't act fucking stupid with me. Is it because of last night? Are you now punishing me for telling you the truth sweety?"

You couldn't respond. His dark tone and his tall body towering behind you were making you unable to let any sound come out of your mouth.

"Let's see who's really getting punish in all of this."

You couldn't process what he had said before he forcefully slamed your upperbody on the table, pressing his hard on in your ass.

"W..wait Kappa.. We can t..talk!"

"Too late pretty face, you've reached my limit and now you have to pay for it."

His peaceful voice would have calmed everybody, but the situation made it bone chilling as the words reached your ears.

He cuffed both your hands behind your back with his right hand while he stripped you from your pants and underwear before doing the same with his.

You couldn't deny the excitement in that moment, but you could also feel the anxiety going up as you knew you were in for a rough one.

Against all odds, you felt Kappa's fingers carressing your wet folds, making you whimper.

"Already so wet for me.. Do you really think i believed you when you told me you didn't put that little show on purpose this morning?"

He landed a hard slap on your ass, obtaining a hiss from you, as he lower himself to your ears.

"You want me to show everybody who you belong to?"

You nodded weakly before he inserted himself harshly into you, with a low groan. You loudly cried out of pleasure, but also from pain, as a tear made his way on your cheek.

"Nhg... K..Kappa.."

You tried to tell him to go softer with you but his rapid thrusts could only make you moan.

"Yea, keep calling my name like that"

He grabbed your waist, bruising it with his grip, as if he was scared you were gonna try to escape, but you weren't. The pain you felt earlier was far gone and replaced by pure enjoyment created by Kappa's dick into you.

Both your moans filled the dining room, creating a perfect melody for anybody to hear, and by anybody you meant Theta, who was watching everything from the window, outside. You catched her staring as Kappa kept drilling into you and that's what pushed you to the edge: knowing his favorite girl was watching him gaining pleasure by you was enough to make you come.

Screaming his name, you gripped the table as hardly as you could, legs shaking from the things you were feeling.

"Is my girl already done?"

Kappa's didn't let you came down from your high as he grab you by the shoulders, forcing you to face him and kneel before him.

"Now finish me off"

You licked your lips, pumping his length with your hands before licking it from balls to tip, making him drop his head backwards. As precum started to leak, you take him whole into his mouth, adjusting to his size while your fingers found their way on his balls.

His hands firmly grabbed a chunk off your hair, as he guided your head, sucking him off just the way he liked it.

"F...fuck just like that.. Good girl.."

Tears were creeping from your eyes and spit dripping from your mouth, butyou could only focus on the ungodly sounds Kappa was producing, making you unable to not touch yourself as your clit was throbbing.

Both your paces increased as his breath fasten, signifying he was reaching his limits. Your moans vibrating on his dick, he released his load into your mouth while you came for a second time on your fingers.

Swallowing the milky concoction, Kappa helped you get on your feet, dressing him and you back as he placed small kisses on your body, telling you how good you did today.

You innocently smiled as you leaved the room to go wash yourself up in the bath before Theta blocked you in the hallway

"What do you think you're doing with MY man?"

"I mean, is he really yours if he wanted me so bad?"

Omg i am so sorry it took so long and it being so badly written. I had an idea, but it was done poorly! Hopefully at least one you appreciate it lol

[happilychaengs]

how twice would break your heart

a/n: i'm kind of going through it rn and this was just sitting in my drafts. this might be my last post for a while. i know it's quite short and there should be more but i don't think i'm in the right headspace to finish this nor do i have the heart to so i'll just publish it instead. and if some seem similar to one other, i'm sorry. i'll add pictures maybe later

angst

headcanon

nayeon

- "we should break up."

- cuts it off clean

- whatever she's feeling: trapped, unhappy, unsatisfied, scared, whatever it is -- she will not hesitate to tell you

- but it's the way the words fly out of her mouth that it's almost as if she didn't care about you

- your relationship at that very moment felt like it was a facade.

- but it's only because it's the way she wants to portray herself that way in front of you

- if only she'd let you really knew how much it hurt her to break things off with you

- it's the way the world would shift without you in it

- it's the way the stars wouldn't mean the same without you by her side

- if you knew how she truly felt, you'd fight harder for her to stay and she knows she would too

jeongyeon

- "i'm sorry."

- it's honest. it's cold. and it hurts.

- there's no other way she can really tell you. it's who she was. she couldn't ease the pain with sugar coated words or actions. she wouldn't.

- but it's the way tears stream down her face that shatters your heart, even more so than her words do.

- you don't know why she does it. you don't know why she's breaking your heart. she doesn't tell you.

- all that's left is in it's wake is nothing but a stream of repeated apologies from her, begging, regret, and doors slammed in front of each other's faces.

momo

- "i don't... know how to tell you this."

- it's always been difficult for momo to express her feelings but this time, it's really never been harder.

- she almost choked on her own words as she sees your face and your eyes, full of uncertainty.

- the moment the words escape from her lips, she already knew how much it would hurt.

- there you stood in front of her: fists clenched, cheeks flushed in red, your eyes pooling with tears

- her hand instinctively goes to wipe them away, but she catches herself. she can't anymore. she shouldn't.

- you see the way conflict internalizes in herself, your heart already knowing it's not hers anymore.

- she refuses to have your heart anymore and that's what hurts the both of you the most.

sana

- "it's not you, it's me."

- sana's words are cold and calculated. almost planned in a way.

- there's no rhyme or reason as to why she did it. it makes you doubt whether what you two has was real but she remains stone-faced, quietly asking you to leave.

- it's the way she tells you it. the cold heartedness.

- there's words that are said that can never be taken back. doors that shut tight.

- but it's the cries that she can hear outside her house now, that does it in for her.

- emotions begin to clog up her throat as she truly breaks down, nothing but regret filling her body.

jihyo

- "i think... we were the right people but not at the right time."

- hopeful yet laced with dread

- jihyo was a passion driven women and it was the height of her career.

- you should've expected it, really. the way she sat you down, hands kept to herself.

- it's the absence of her touch that really that does it for you. normally it's quite the opposite, the two of you never really getting enough of each other.

- you want what's best for her. really, you do. but that doesn't mean you could just let her go.

- jihyo questions her decision nonstop in the face of your tears, but the words were already said. the tears have already been shed.

- when she's finally and truly alone, the apartment you two once shared is void of noise.

- and she's just not sure anymore if this would be worth it without you.

mina

- "you deserve better."

- it's quiet and tired

- the thought of talking with you has obviously been relenting at mina for a long time.

- you're so surprised she actually believes you two should break up because you know that she's the one for you.

- but she doesn't.

- even through all your tears, you can see how it haunts her.

- being with you because she's always believing that there may be someone new, someone better for you.

- and that's what hurts you the most as she walks out the door, leaving you alone for the last time.

dahyun

- "we need to talk."

- it's pulled back, all the emotions barely there

- she has never felt happier but she knows she's never been the best for you

- she can barely express how she loves you let alone say it

- and she knows you'll find someone who can

- it'll just take time

- time better off spent without her

- even if she knows it might be the wrong way to do it, proven by your tears as she walked out on you, it's the only way she knows how to do it

- and that's why she can't let you stay in her heart any longer

chaeyoung

- "we both deserve to be happy."

- it's plain and simple. but it's what she truly believes.

- she's the happiest when she's with you. she's at her best.

- but she knows you aren't. it's dismal without her for such long periods of time and she knows it's hard on you.

- she loves you too much to be the one holding you down and she refuses to have it any other way.

- with a heavy heart, she walks out on you with tears in her eyes even through all your cries. even through all your pleads for her to stay.

- she's so so sorry but she truly believes you'll find someone better.

- she's just not sure if she could do the same.

tzuyu

"i think we're better off alone."

- struggles to truly get it across.

- it's so overwhelmingly difficult for her to tell you because she loves you.

- so much more than you'll ever know.

- she doesn't want to leave you but she feels like she needs to.

- it's the fear of uncertainty that gets to her.

- it's the constant worry of you wanting to leave her that she makes the stupid decision of doing it first.

- it's the way tears dribble down your face as you watch her leave that makes everything come crashing down

[lannaloveit]

Action and Reaction 🔥❤️

Part 2 ⬇️

The night ends with Hyunjin returning home thoughtful, Han taking an interest in Ágata and Y/N sleeping in the guest room of Cris's house, since she offered to help clean up the mess.

The girl wakes up to a message from Han: "Look, I don't know what happened last night, but I wanted to know if you're okay." She then replies with: "Good morning Hanji, I was fine, I just found it strange to see you "moving on", spending all this time with you made me think about our past." "I understand perfectly Y/Nnie, but I need to move on, I'm tired of running after you, it was making me feel bad, I'm happy for you and Hyunjin, he seems perfect for you," Han adds.

As the days went by, she really realized that every action has a reaction, that if she does something, something will react. Y/N liked Han but was in love with Hyunjin.

Or maybe not?

She felt confused.

Maybe she did see something in Hanji, he was so similar to her, so fun, funny and it seemed like they shared the same neurons.

She used to say that he was "my alarm clock" the one that makes her wake up every day, her "reason".

Hyunjin arrived so suddenly, it was good, energizing, but as the days went by that gave way.

"You seem sad" Cris said

"I'm not, just a little confused with myself, I feel like I lost Henri and I didn't want that." "Tell me what you want from him, do you want him? Or do you want to risk Hyunjin? I've known you since you were a child, Y/Nnie, and I know that in order for you to really like and want to be with someone, you have to know them for a long time. Do you know why you were sad about his kiss with Agata? Because you trust him, because you wanted him. Think again, maybe Hyunjin only showed up to show you who you really want, because the idea of being away from him scares you. - Cris She hugs Cris and cries "Hyunjin will think I'm an idiot." "No, you just have to talk to him, and if he does, that's his problem, you have to fix things with your best friend now." "Cris, you know that you're actually my best friend, right?" Cris kisses her head and smiles.

Hanji found himself thinking about the damned “truth or dare” kiss. He *wanted* to kiss the prettiest girl in his opinion. Y/N was the prettiest girl, but he simply kissed Ágata because she was the most desired among the boys and he was afraid of what Hyunjin would do. After all, this was before he knew that Ágata was dating a college student who picked her up every day on his motorcycle after school. He felt ridiculous for thinking that she would give him a chance. But what can we expect from a girl who shows up with a different boy every week?

°

Y/N spends recess with Han and he tells her about Ágata. Honestly, Y/N knew the girl’s nature and knew that she would be bad for anyone who got involved with her. Cris comes up to them and says:

“Y/N, baby, we need to talk.” He looks serious.

“What happened?”

“*Hyunjin,* it was all a bet.

“What?” Han answers.

“I was in the bathroom and I heard him talking to Seungmin at the door about whether Hyunjin would really be able to “get Y/N” and saying that it would be easy because you “fell for his trap.” To top it off, Seungmin said that he should try too because you seem to be acting like a saint, but behind his back you were hooking up with Hanji and trying to deceive Hyunjin, so one more wouldn’t make a difference.”

“They saw that I heard because when I left I threw some truths in both of their faces. Seungmin tried to punch me, but I was faster and punched him in the face, pushed them both away and left.”

“My God…I always had a bad feeling about Hyunjin…it’s a shame I was right.”

“I’m going to kill those idiots.” - Han

“Guys, you better calm down, it’s not worth wasting your time with them, I’ve already taken care of this.”

“I need to talk to Hyunjin” -Alanna

“Be careful, pretty” -Hanji

Y/N finds Hyunjin standing at the door of their classroom

“Hi, honey” -hyunjin

“Don’t call me that, idiot”

“Calm down, why are you like this? Are you nervous because of your friend Cris? Didn’t he fuck you today?”

“Fuck you!” Y/N ends up slapping Hyunjin hard in the face, who freezes there after realizing that everyone saw it. Including the girls he picks up. How could they trust him after that? They even *filmed* it.

Cris and Han get the girl out of there before the confusion gets worse and the three of them go to the cafeteria since the class was free.

“Y/N, I don’t want to see you get into this kind of trouble anymore, I know he deserved it but you could have gotten hurt, if you need anything call me and I’ll fix it” -Cris

“Honestly, you were amazing, princess” -Hanji

Cris gives Hanji a disappointed look

“What’s wrong? I’m trying to lighten the mood” -Han

“I’m sorry but I couldn’t let him talk to me like that, I know I don’t have many female friends but that doesn’t mean I’m a bitch who sits with every boy I see, especially because the only sluts here are Ágata and Hyunjin.”

“I agree, beautiful, but it’s true, when you need it, call one of us” -Han

°

Y/N goes home with Hannie and they decide to watch a movie, but the girl feels so overwhelmed.

They go to the kitchen to make a snack and she starts to cry

"Kitty, are you crying?"

He hugs her and she rests her head on his shoulder while he strokes her back

"And is this crying from happiness or sadness?"

"It’s just that…everything has been so “heavy” lately, there’s a lot going on and I didn’t expect this to happen so I felt horrible with each passing moment. I can’t explain it, I thought he could be a light but in fact he became the darkness that I run away from so much now, I’m sure he’ll try to destroy my image. I bet on a loser dog and realized that I was the loser" - Y/N

"Think about what makes you want to stay, not what makes you want to leave, everyone in that school knows what he did, everyone knows he lost and anyone who disagrees is a loser like him." -Han

"I discovered a new galaxy when I met you, I love you so much." -Y/N

"- I always loved you my love, I always knew it was you, I was always crazy about you" -Han

"- crazy?"

"- yes, crazy, completely crazy" -Han

He grabs her waist and lifts her chin delicately with his finger and kisses her slowly, passionately

She thought: “Hanji, how hypnotizing you were.”

-" Thank you for not give up on me." -Han

[swallow17]

Today is one of those days.

I'm having a hard time just standing myself; I'm annoying myself out of my mind. I'm tired, but I don't really want to sleep. I want to play Zelda, but I'm too impatient to go after the fairies. I want to read, but my mind keeps drifting. I've been hungry all freakind day, but I don't fancy anything specific. I've tried to eat this morning, and I tried to have lunch; I simply can't. I'm not nauseous, or dizzy. My stomach doesn't hurt. I just don't feel like eating.

But I'm so hungry.

I don't have much food at home, anyway. I've been trying to lose some weight; it's not like going back to talk to Ana, as I did when I was a teenager. I just want my summer clothes to fit. I just want to recognize myself in pictures, in the mirror. I'm not going back to Ana. Or that's what I want to think.

So, I'm Mediterranean after all. Far away from the sea, more linked to the Atlantic, but Mediterranean nonetheless. That means that I belong to a culture of poor people who're great at inventing things to eat, so roasted onions it is. I have two onions left from yesterday's party. It will take about two hours to roast them properly. I guess that'll do for a very early dinner.

Yeah, maybe that's why I'm so down right now. Work has been a shitshow lately. My friends are adults (just like me, I may add), so we never find the time to meet anymore. One of them moved to another country and we talk weekly as if a bussiness meeting, another is kidnaped by a jelaous girlfriend. My fiancé lives in a different city during the week. I've been holding to yesterday's party to keep my sanity, I've prepared everything so it'd be perfect.

Don't get me wrong, it was perfect. Almost all of us were there, together, laughing, enjoying the food I so carefully curated, singing and looking our best with the most perfect smiles. I enjoyed it as if it was my last night on this Earth.

But it lasted four hours. Four freaking hours, and it was... gone. The morning came with a disastrous kitchen, a friend who slept at my place having a nervous breakdown and my fiance so tired that I didn't have the heart to wake him up. I cleaned the whole freaking house while my friend cried and told me about her mess. I mean; I make bad choices, I have to admit it. But at least I can be proud of not making all of them at the same time. She's working her ass for a job who doesn't pay back; studying for an exam she'll never pass, 'cause she has the wrong degree for that test. She's dating a guy who she doesn't even like, but he's a "nice guy". I couldn't avoid the grimace when she said that. I've had my fair share of "nice guys".

But that'd make for another entire post. So, back to this one.

While I was cleaning the aftermarth of the party and listening to her I felt so... trapped. I felt as one of those donkeys they used in the village, with the carrot just out of reach, so close I can dream of catching it.

"Work a little harder, girl, and you might make it. Make it until that shinny day that'll be too short anyway. Get back to work. Chase the next shinny day. Do it until you're too tired to imagine new shinny days. And then enjoy the nervous breakdown on your kitchen's floor."

Yeah. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep. Maybe it's just that I'm all alone again, alone with the perspective of another Monday on a job that's draining me.

Maybe it's just today.

It must be just that. It's just one of those days.

I guess the onions could be ready by now.

[jedi-bird]

In case there are those who wonder why they sometimes breakdown over seemingly minor things, just remember that it's never because of something minor. That minor thing is usually the final straw that breaks the camels back. It's one too many forks stuck in you. It's being on edge for far too long without realizing.

Today, I had a breakdown over ants in the yard. I've been spray and cleaning up for weeks and they keep coming back immediately. They keep getting closer to the house. I freaked out and started hysterically crying.

It was not about the ants.

Lately, there's been too much shit piling up in my life. My pain keeps getting worse and the severe migraines are back. The insurance I've been paying for keeps dropping me and refusing to admit they fucked up (they now owe us a lot of money or there's a lawsuit coming). House repairs have meant I've been on edge with no way to release stress. Can't craft because everything I planned to work on this year are behind boxes that were moved specifically for the repairs. If I talk about going and getting something I get told that I don't need it and to just make do with what I have, regardless of what it is. During a major heat wave I got told off for not changing litter boxes or mowing the lawn; this was also during a time when I was having to lift the trash cans over piles of equipment blocking the walkway and dodge ladders and piles of trash to even water my plants. I get asked when I'm going to do the laundry as I'm struggling to carry it down the stairs. Eye rolls when I'm too tired or sick to make dinner. Told I'm uncaring and cold. Dealing with family problems that are getting serious. Being forced to sit in silence alone for weeks on end.

It was not about the ants. The ants were just that final straw.

I am overwhelmed. I am tired. I feel useless and pointless and it feels like it wouldn't matter if I didn't exist. I know none of this is true but that's how it feels.

Partner does not understand this. "I told you to tell me if you want to go someplace." Except when I do I get met with silence. Or anger. And yes that anger is not directed at me but it's hard not to feel like it is when I grew up in an abusive household.

I didn't want to go anyplace today. I wanted to just start putting things back now that the washer is here. I wanted to tidy up the yard. I wanted to organize my closet. Instead, I went outside to take the trash out and wound up covered in ants. And quickly ran out of spray.

It's never something small. It's too many small things that cause an avalanche of emotions. Seeing the ants made my fear that they are about to come inside. And if they do, am I going to get blamed for it? Because I'm the only one who goes out and moves things and sprays for them and sets up traps. I've stopped asking for help because it never comes and I feel worthless hoping it will. I'm tired. I'm so fucking tired.

It's never something small or inconsequential. Nothing ever is.

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Beautiful Blood -- Sadistic Vampire Whumper Keeping Human Pets part 4

TW: violence, blood drinking, intimate Vampire whump, death, forced servitude

Nyx led him out into a massive mansion full of luxurious comforts and giant extravagant sofas, and a few well-dressed collared humans here and there, who all avoided eye contact and scurried out of sight upon Nyx's arrival.

It was almost a small hike to cross to the other side of the gargantuan mansion and up a giant marbled staircase that must have cost a fortune to build. But eventually, Nyx stopped, gesturing at a side room, which turned out to be a massive bathroom complete with a swimming-pool sized hot tub and many excessively lavish comforts.

"Get yourself clean, you're filthy with all those bloodstains and dirt and I don't want it getting on my couches and carpet. I already had a fresh pair of clothes set out on the counter for you when you're done to replace your current ones. The colors I picked match the house, for aesthetic reasons. You can take a moment to relax, but don't try to get out of the shock collar. I say that because it's always the first thing newcomers try, and it never ends well for them."

She rolled her eyes. "It tires and annoys me. So don't do it. Once you're all cleaned up, you'll find a servant waiting for you right outside the door, and they will show you to my quarters. I'll let you know what to do from there and show you where you'll be staying for the night. Any questions?" Her voice was edged with danger.

Asher kept his mouth shut and nodded, getting the feeling that he was walking on very thin ice. He held his breath as he walked into the bathroom, closing the door gently behind him, before sinking to the floor against it, letting his facade finally fall apart as Nyx's footsteps walked off. His shoulders shook and he couldn't help the few hiccuping sobs that escaped him. How did he end up in such a horrible situation? He went from being a quirky boy with an unnatural gift trying to find his way through life, to being a pet for a vampire, a cheap bit of entertainment. It was humiliating. After a few minutes, he composed himself enough to stand up, taking in all the fancy luxury around him.

There was a giant mirror above the marble countertop where the sinks were, and Asher cringed at the sight of himself. Nyx was right. He was filthy. He was covered in dirt from when his kidnappers had attacked and dragged him away, and drenched in sweat from fear. His short blonde hair stuck out chaotically in all directions. And the fresh bloodstains... oh, it was horrible. Asher could barely recognize himself. He felt even more miserable than he looked, alone and trapped in a vampire's mansion as a walking bloodbag.

Asher undressed and took a quick hot bath, which soothed the after-ache of the wounds he'd gotten earlier, that had already healed over thanks to his gift. But it was hard to truly relax considering the circumstances. Once he was clean and dry, he found the clothes Nyx had left him, that looked expensive as ever, and slipped into them with a shudder.

It wasn't long after that there was a soft knock at the bathroom door, and Asher cautiously went and opened it. There he found what he assumed was the servant Nyx had sent him.

It was an unusual human boy with heterochromatic eyes, one blue and one brown. He couldn't be older than 16.

"Oh! Uh--H-Hi, Nyx assigned me to be your personal guide and assistant for now," the human said. "I-I'm Callum. If you'll please follow me, I'll take you straight to Nyx. And... uh... I can... I can answer any questions you have along the way?" He averted his eyes, fidgeting anxiously with the edge of his shirt, before turning and walking down the hall, pausing to glance over his shoulder expectantly at Asher.

Callum led him through the winding maze of halls in the mansion, before finally stopping at the door of one room, knocking before pushing it open.

Nyx was lounging lazily on a long couch in the back with a wine glass in hand when they arrived, which she set down upon seeing Asher. "Ah, there you are! I was wondering when you'd show up." She waved away the several humans catering to her, sending them hurrying out the room, but flicked her hand at Callum, gesturing for him to stay.

"I assume you're enjoying the amenities so far? This is what everyday life could look for you, if you so desire. A much better life than all the other human servants under my command." She let out a satisfied sigh.

"Privileges can be both given and taken away, however. And you said so yourself, you gave me permission to your blood, in return for 'privileges'. And I'll honor that." She gave Asher a fang-filled smile. "As much as I'd like to toy with you some more, I think you've had enough action for one day. I'll let Callum show you to your room. He will be your sole assistant for the most part from now on. He will be able to get you anything you need such as food and drink." She waved a hand at the two of them. "You are dismissed."

Callum dipped his head respectfully and stepped out of the room, and Asher scrambled to follow him, not wanting to be left near the vampire for one second longer than he had to. An uneasy shiver rippled down his spine as he begrudgingly followed the servant, who led him down the hall.

"So... h-how does this whole thing with Nyx work?" Asher finally mustered the courage to speak as Callum rounded another corner in the gigantic mansion. It would be easy to get lost in such a big place.

"What do you mean?" Callum said over his shoulder.

"I mean... is she always this cruel and terrifying?"

Callum barked a dry laugh. "I'm assuming that was rhetorical, but I'll answer anyway... if you end the day alive and in one piece, consider yourself lucky. That's how it works around here. Often the newest servants wind up dead or worse within the first few days of working here. Only the most resilient ones get the 'honor' of being Nyx's favorites and earning her mercy." He gave Asher a sideways glance.

"I was one of those 'lucky' ones. The first few days were pure hell... but I survived, and since then I've learned exactly how to stay on Nyx's good side, to keep her pleased with me. It's a fine balance to maintain, but I've been her servant for over a year now... so her cruelty is nothing new for me. I've learned tricks to live with it. But even so... I occasionally make mistakes." Callum visibly winced, as though recalling some horrifying memory, then stayed silent as he stopped at a door and unlocked it.

Asher still had so many more questions, he wanted to gain as much useful information as possible -- but he was exhausted after such a chaotic day, and a bed sounded nice. He could ask his questions tomorrow.

Callum walked into the bedroom and Asher followed, whose jaw practically hit the floor. The room was huge, fancier than he'd ever imagined. A large bed dominated the back wall, and there was even a work desk and bookshelf nearby, along with a full-sized bathroom. He was pulled from his thoughts when Callum started talking.

"Nyx ordered me to give this to you," he said, and handed Asher a black bracelet with a small red gemstone on top. "Press that stone to summon me, and I'll come straight away. As your personal assistant, it's my job to help with anything you need and care for you, as well as show you around." Callum held up his own wrist, where a similar black band rested, though his lacked a red gem.

"Nyx has a device she uses to call me too," he explained. "This band vibrates if you press the stone, and I'll immediately know where to find you." He gently helped Asher put the bracelet on. "With this, you can reach me at all hours, day or night."

Asher stared numbly down at his new accessory, the red gem catching the light.

"Is... Is there anything else I can do for you before I go?" Callum offered softly.

Asher shook his head sadly. "No... I'd just like to sleep now."

Callum nodded and turned to leave, only pausing to throw a last sentence over his shoulder. "I will come to get you early in the morning, Nyx wants me to give you a tour of the mansion so you know where everything is." And just like that, he was gone, leaving Asher on his own to reflect on everything that had happened in the past few hours.

It was surreal. Going from a boy with a gift, to being a pet for a literal vampire. A plaything. A toy.

Asher let out a weary sigh and sluggishly approached the bed, crawling onto it. The exhaustion hit hard, and he didn't even bother taking his new clothes off as sleep quickly claimed his mind.

⏪️ Back Next ⏩️

Masterlist

[stargazingdruid]

This was a response to @fruit-sy! :) What do you all think of this?

I truly believe that Kaycee started the fire out of a temporary bout of insanity. She's been sleep-deprived, driven to several mental breakdowns and is fully aware that she "knows far too much" in the sense that her employer is going to respond...not so favorably. She's probably been harassed by Kaminski through phone calls.

She hasn't answered the texts or emails from her fellow devs out of sheer paranoia that they want to hurt her. I'm pretty sure even "Amanda" is involved in this, though I haven't thought of how. Kaycee feels backed into a corner with no way out...but she knows they can't have this disc back. Buries it in the woods, the coordinates on a card in a resealed pack (in my headcanon, given to her unsuspecting younger sister), then went to work as normal.

Whether it was Kaminski or another Dev sent by Kaminski to corner Kaycee after work to retrieve the disc (I like the latter with the idea that this dev and kaycee were once very close). She's tired. She's not in her right mind. She knows that this will not end well. How she started the fire, I'm unsure, but I'm convinced she did. Whoever is cornering her, throughly disturbed by her response, flees to not get trapped in the fire.

Kaycee comes into clarity, realizing what she did. Somebody made sure that she couldn't get out of her cubicle, and even if she could, the fire is now too great. She knows she's trapped. She knows this...but she hopes that the disc, that Leshy remains safe, and that nobody EVER sees what's hidden beneath the surface of Inscryption.

(As for the headcanon of Kaycee having a younger sibling- the thought of her having a little sister who she did care about, but still gave her the coordinates to the disc unknowingly was very fun for me to play with, especially with the multi chaptered story I'm working on. The sister never opened the card packs, mainly out of grief and anger for losing her older sibling at the place where she worked and not even wanting to LOOK at the cards, but still hanging onto it as a last memory of Kaycee. Time goes by, she kept the card packs in her bedroom and went off to college, soon moving out of the house. Her mother is cleaning out the rooms for a garage sale, sees the card packs and seeing that it was a painful memory of her eldest daughter, threw them into the garage sale and not even caring what she was paid for them....

And in comes Luke Fucking Carder, Kaycee's sister unknowingly passing her torch of burden to a guy who once won against Kaycee in a game years before.)

[reilleclan-blog]

I was really hoping I could leave my abusive mother but I'm still stuck here. I had lost hope with certain things until I got a call about an apartment and I thought it'd be this but the universe keeps taking opportunities away from me I don't understand what I'm supposed to do . I feel trapped and yeah I feel like I will never escape I don't make enough money for the apartment and it's possibly gone to someone else. I tried getting another client but they haven't reached out to me since last week. Literally posting on the internet and interacting with others is all I have most ppl in my life wouldn't care about anything I feel pride over. I don't want to argue I don't want to fight . I don't I just want to live but it's hard all the time.

At this point I'm gonna say a lot of stuff that is stressing me out and if that means "exposing" then I guess so. My mother began spam texting me to clean .. basically the entire house b/c I'm home or b/c "I don't work a real job" I work part time and with my adhd and autism I'm lucky I still have a job. But I don't understand why I'd ever have to clean this big ass house ON MY OWN when I've cleaned it MULTIPLE times on my own just for my mother to re dirty it not even trying to keep it clean how it was. It feels like if she wants to talk to me she talks to me just to boss me around and that's it. She doesn't have problems with other ppl's daughters helping them or FEEDING them. Cause btw when I moved back in with my mother she wouldn't feed me she'd go out not saying where or when she'd be back and have leftovers spoil or wouldn't let me have anything when she knew I wasn't working and knew I was barely eating.

So yeah the little money I had "saved" went to buying $100 worth of groceries or fast food cause I didn't have many options. And again I'm fucking disabled but nobody cares about that b/c I'm not "disabled on the outside". But back to cleaning this house MOST OF THE MESS is from my MOTHER everything is from my mother. I'm not perfect I have some clothes I haven't picked up a couple unwashed dishes but most of that is from my mother and her doing favors for ppl b/c she wants to be liked or whatever.

I don't have a problem helping my mom but when I'm being berated and told I'm lazy just for this lady to spam text me to clean up HER MESS. And for her to call our family to tell them I'm lazy.. and I'm just wasting oxygen in this stupid fucking house.. that's not a good feeling at all. And I hate that I care for my mother but if I don't do something her way or right away or (in this case cleaning an entire downstairs by myself when it has papers and arts and crafts and HER SHOES and she has a TON of clothes she's bought) I'm immediately "the bad guy" I'm so tired of these fucking ppl I'm so tired of family saying "we don't know what went on in that house" THATS RJFHT U DONT SO WHY THE FJCK DO YALL MAKE ME THE VILLIAN B/C U SEE ONE ASPECT OF OUR LIVES OR INTERACTIONS. I'm so fucking tired THIS IS LKKE EVERYDAY MESS.

Yes I'm not the cleanest but I KEEP MY MESS IN MY ROOM AND MY ROOM WOULD LOOK LIKE THE CLEANIEST IN THIS BITCH IF U SEEN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. IM TJRED I WANT TO LEAVE I WANT TO FUCKING EXPERIENCE THAT MAYBE SOMETHING CAN BE GOOD OUT THERE INSTEAD OF LIVING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. AND MIND U WHEN I WAS ASKING MY MOTHER FOR HELP WITH THE APARTMENT SHE TOLD ME SHE EOULD HELP THEN CHANGED HER MIND AND I BEGSN TK CRY MY EYES IUT BECAUSE JF IT WAS ANYONE ELSES KID SHE WOULD HELP THEM THEN LETTER SHE GAVE ME WHAT I NEEDED BUT WHY WHY DO I CONSTANTLY NEED TK BE HURT BY THESES "ADULTS" IM TOLD IM LOVED BUTNI HAVE NEVER DELT IT NEVER

MY DAD IS JUST S HUSK OF A DUDE I CALL DAD IM SO FUCKING TIRED IM TIRED . I THINK ABOUT SUICIDE ALMOST ALL THE TIME BECAUSE J FEEL BROKEN I FEEL ALONE THATS ALL I FEEL I FUCKING HATE THJS PLACE I actually sh and at this point it really just feels like only options. I feel trapped I try to embrace myself with hobbies I love but I constantly see stuff I don't have or what others have or what's happening around our world but I'm still stuck in this hell hole feeling trapped. I'd say I have become happier as a person but my mother just takes it away and finds any reason to hate me. Yes it feels like she hates me and my father and at this point I don't think anyone can convince me they don't. I want to forget everything and move on but my brain constantly brings up my trauma I don't want to remember it.

If u tell me to "just be positive" I might shoot someone in the face. I'm JOKING HAHAHA I'm just so lost I wish I felt like I was cared for I wish someone would even care as I type this out. Nobody cares not even my blood

I don't think anyone wouldn't care if i disappeared but it'd be too late for anyone to care. I'm sorry I can't hold on I don't know

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

1.23.24 Wednesday

12 am/ midnight

I have windblow....

I'm so fucking tired, I mean I'm fuckless and tired...

I can't stream or wasn't able to do stream coz I'm so fuckless and tired, doing some house task coz we can't hire an assistant these days... Thank God my nana cooked today coz I badly need to rest and sleep. I fed our dogs and most specially my son-dog.

I have windblow.... Hoping to meet a Daddy-my bf...

Can't stream now, will stream on my next off which will be on Saturday...

This is still for you Daddy... I still feel this song...

7:34 am

I washed Snoopy manually for now... Let's see... Then, I just cleaned the face of Neko, coz I pity her so much...

Will have my first cup of coffee, will rest again... Later night is my shift at 9pm again.

8:14 am

Finishing this "Schitt's Creek" in a way I can relate coz they can't go back to their original life, I'm already on Season 3...

Well, there are some cute things that are happening here on Season 2 and 3 coz they transferred to a new place called as "Schitt's Creek" it seems they are trapped by the people and situation. Alexa or Alexis the daughter here is portraying to be a high school student again, in my analyzation the people in Schitt's Creek are trying to know her, but it is a reality act but Alexis is really 30 plus already.

In my case,I'm not acting in Conduent but I'm not happy but in a way I'm thankful coz I got a job coz I badly needed money... I was really taglish but there are some point that I can't talk in full-English coz of the people and my situation though I can... People there are mostly commuting...

So, my portraying act as me in Conduent is somehow a blending of the past me and my maturity now... But it is all me...

But I have a relatives who are trying to steal and damage the original me.... There are some bad old friends who are trying to destroy me... I'm trap angels for 17 years... There are some people who are trying to judge me, that they don't even know me...

8:49 am

In Conduent my 80% character is me and for a professional mode... Though it is still me but there are some things that I'm suppress coz it is a job and my work location that I need to blend well with people... For now the people in my class in Conduent are fair enough and I can say in a way professional classmates there or professional batchmates in Conduent. We help each other in a way, when it comes to job related issues.

9:10 am

Will try to describe everyone in my batch in Conduent...

I like Princess so much the one who did her hiku on the nose but it seems her character is changing into a mean girl. I love her around coz she put a colorful mode in my surroundings, it is just sad if she became a mean girl. But it is her maturity. But I'm used to being the center of the class... I was the baby and the president of my class during high-school. So, I tried to keep my maturity with them.

I like Princess coz she is still spoiled but I want her to mature and grow... To learn life and to make choices in life though she is still spoiled. She is loved by that way... I accepted her but if she became mean then we are going to be a professional mate in Conduent, have her own life and I have mine...

I was just an average student in my class during high-school but I was the 1st honor during my first grade but I transferred then I became 3rd honor until on my 3th grade. Then, something happened to me I lost all my glow on being on the top 10.

A lil backtrack, I won a coloring contest during my prep and kindergarten that I got the Encyclopedia for free... My first set of Encyclopedia... One of my puppy bf not a partner, Brien knew I can draw but I didn't take that seriously coz something happened to me... I gave him the Donald Duck drawing but we are meant to be good friends just good friends.

I was never perfectionist on grades but if it started to challenge me then I became OC, just for the thought of challenging myself and I thought I studied hard but then why I failed? IT IS STILL FUNNY IN MY PART...

Aizzy I'm cool with her...Aizzy the gay... But I'm somehow putting a distance coz she is with Eli. Eli is a young still fresh flesh....I mean they are somehow sisterhood in my class... But we're good.

JM, it is just weird if he came from Cavite as well coz his surname is "Potente".

Nars is with JM on the first day that I transfered with them.

Erick originally a worker from Dubai and according to his story, he got 3 kids and separated.

Rem, Angelica and Joy, according to them they all just met there and became friends.

Ian is a science professor but I'm making a joke on him, telling him "what's up doc?' He is selling the whiskey coffee and I said to the other people that we are just friends and please buy the whiskey coffee.

Kaide, the guy who assisted me on the first day when I transferred to their class. I was panicking on the module activities then he guided me. He is the cos player in the class. He actually spent on his cosplay.

Another Joy or Jocelyn, the one got a calm heart. Who guided us on our first activity on using the salesforce but it was still on the sandbox.

Ruth is gone, the one who got a mean character on me. A rebel but I know she is younger than me but probably a gangster and bad. But she is gone after Boss Sho told us that she sent a message coz she was sick. In call center once you are absent you are automatically for reprofile or you need to apply again or be on the other class. BUT I MUST KEEP MY MATURITY. I'm not seriously angry on her but I'm scared of Ruth. But she is gone in the class.

Ray is married, from at the back of Cavite,hmmm from General Trias if my memory is correct... According to him he is really with call center for years...

Jay is sitting beside Ray inside the nesting room. A skinny guy...

Jojo, I just saw him there and always quiet seatmate of Ian.

Marlu got a perfume, I saw him spraying a perfume and I envious him for having that bottled perfume. I LOVE PERFUME SO MUCH..

Dave, was the one who helped me on my last final exams on the 11 wrong answers that I didn't know.

The 2 girls I forgot their name on the side of Kaede in the warehouse training room, they are just quiet and always together.

The amazon girl, I forgot the name. She is mysterious and just there in the room.

Jash is there as professional classmate. A working student. Sitting beside Eli in the nesting room and in-front of the amazon girl.

10:26 am

Uncle DD is here with his new family... Ivan was bitten by their dog on the face... Their shitzu named 25...

12:06 noon

I still have windblow....

Ms Ignaco was my computer teacher during high school, we were not friends but professionally I was her student. She didn't know me on my growing-up years during college...

She didn't even know me... But she was my teacher during high-school. I wasn't that good on her subject but I was intelligent I know but it didn't happen that way, coz something happened to me...

12:50 noon

I still have windblow... I need to diet,I know... I need to keep a job and I need money.

I went in on my own there in Conduent coz I feel that something is strange again... Hope not coz I need money. I need my trainer Boss Sho and my TL to keep this job...

Hoping to get a Daddy-bf along the way... A mutual thing.

I still FEEL this song for Daddy-bf...

8:14 pm

Already here in Conduent,done eating my dinner...

Done, watching "Katherine Ryan: Glitter Room" wow! Hmm....

[bakedbakermom]

psychiatrist still won't prescribe me stimulant medication for my adhd even though i know it works for me with no side effects except insomnia, which i've had since i was 6 and can be easily dealt with.

i am so tired. i am so tired of failing at life. i am tired of feeling trapped inside my own head and unable to function as a human being. i am so tired of experimenting with meds that may or may not work and may or may not come with debilitating side effects (and they always do, because i'm me, and i always get the bad side effects), when i know there's something out there that actually helps, a little blue pill that makes life--if not easy--at least within reach of possible. that's all i want: possible.

but i can't just say "i want my fucking adderall" because then i look like an addict, and the last thing doctors want to give an addict is the medicine they're addicted to, apparently; i guess being addicted to being a functional human being is frowned upon these days.

i know addiction and abuse are common with stimulant meds. i appreciate her caution. but i am 37-year-old woman who has never held a steady job, who can't keep her fucking house clean, who is trapped in a cycle of self-loathing that is just barely short of crippling. i just want help, and all she's doing is prescribing anti-anxiety meds and telling me to quit smoking weed (which has done more for my anxiety than anything i've ever tried and can be grown in my own backyard in this state).

i am giving her one. more. try. with this new medication and if she still won't help me, won't give me what i actually need, i'm finding a new psychiatrist.

[crimsoncadaver]

Aaaaaaaaaa I'm so sick of being sick

When I lived with my mother I was required to clean the bathroom and vacuum the entire house every weekend, which is obviously perfectly reasonable, but I'd always struggle a lot to get it done and I didn't know why

Well now I'm at a point in a different home where I am tasked with cleaning a smaller bathroom, no vacuuming, and I managed to clean the sink and put cleaner in the toilet, while sitting, and I feel so ill that I want to sob, everything hurts, I'm unnecessarily hot and yet I'm cold at the same time. The brain fog continues to get worse all the time, I feel nauseous. I'm shaking. My fine motor skills aren't working the same

And I recently got a rollator! Which is amazing! I'm so excited about it, but it feels so frustrating to use what feels like a "more intense" mobility aid (I have a lot of internalized ableism to work through) and to still feel *worse*

I only ever get worse

Even when I have good days I'm just fearful, I'm racing against my own body to get as much done as possible before it collapses beneath me, forgetting that the longer and faster I run the harder I fall.

It's so frustrating

And not having any diagnoses makes me feel insane, and even with us moving as fast as we can it's not fast enough. I'm kicked off my insurance in November, my current rheumatology appointment is set for December, and I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to make it to that appointment, or that doing so will harm my family financially and it'll be my fault while I already do so little. I'm so fortunate to be abled in the ways that I am, I'm high masking, I'm still able to walk when I need to (for now, it gets harder every month), etc. But I'm angry, I'm angry that my body is like this and that my mind isn't any better. I'm angry that I live in a world where ableism runs rampant. I'm angry that I know I wouldn't have recognized my own ableism nearly as quickly if I weren't disabled. I'm angry that I can't work, I can't clean more than a countertop at a time, I can hardly manage to shower lately because standing for 10-15 minutes is too much.

I'm angry, and I'm tired.

I've started losing hobbies to it. I used to paint my nails every weekend. I used to paint whenever I felt the urge to. I used to play with makeup and clothing. I want to learn how to dance. I want to be a gym rat. I want to be able to take my little sister to the grocery store without getting so sick that we can't even grab everything because I need to leave and sit down. I want to be able to help my grandmother around the house. I want to be able to work because I'm trapped in a capitalism hellscape, and we're suffering even with three incomes. I can't do the things I used to, and every day I'm losing the things I wanted to do in the future. It's terrifying. I am constantly mourning my past self for the trauma she went through, and my future self for the things he'll never be able to do.

[newsoulresolutions]

When I say I don't want to go to therapy again or say I don't see the point. What I mean is I don't want to talk to strangers about my issues, I'd rather talk to you.

I appreciate you saying you weren't laughing at me the other day. I probably told you I was bullied as a kid. I'm pretty sure I've shared that I didn't feel like my words had value when I was growing up. I often felt mocked by my parents in the heat of a disagreement. It's a trigger for me.

Saying I'm not laughing at you. Helps me try to keep my desire to shut down at bay.

Fighting with my parents, the identity crisis I found myself in at such a critical time in my life triggered my personality shifts. It created Dorian. My anger, my rage, my defender, willing to do the worst to anyone standing against in my way. My scars, my blood, the pain, was a sign if I show them how much damage I'm willing to do to myself, it will show them how much more damage I'm willing to do to those that stand against me.

You asked about switching. That not what I needed. Just like you desire to go places and turn your brain off and just exist. That is what I want when I come home. I want to be served and worshipped and cared for.

I felt cared for when you would tell me my nails were dirty and clean them for me.

Or when you would fuss about me using an ashtray instead of using My ashtray.

When we would go out and you would dress me.

What I wanted from poly was simply to be all of myself and find a balance. I know day to day relationships with partners are hard. As individuals we have to tend to ourselves then tend to someone else. And we are tired and stressed and all over the place. Having a space to go to outside of all of that and be a version of myself that isn't concerned about life I'm just concerned with what I desire.

At one of the most difficult moments in my life after a good day with you, you left. I wasn't mad. I knew it was a trigger for you. And I'm order to not trigger you I pushed it to the side. Buried it in a box. I thought I was protecting you. But I was pushing myself further and further. It became a trigger for me. Interracial couples, pregnancy on TV, kids, even the lifestyle. I felt trapped. I want to be with you in this moment. I've pushed that box away. But when you ask how I'm doing I can't answer because it will trigger you, you'll feel that it's more important than you, more important than us, we'll fight, and my feelings won't matter, because instead of talking about my feeling I'll be apologizing for having them, for how the situation triggers you, and I'll push myself further and further away.

I loved the I'm coming too version of us. I can do lazy Saturdays but my body doesn't always allow me to rest. So I'm up at 9am on a Saturday morning smoking and drinking coffee. Leaving the house. Not because I don't want to be around you. Not because I don't want to be resting next to you. But because you also deserve your rest and my inability to sleep in shouldn't be your problem.

I was always proud of you. Listening to you talk about sub forums. Listening to what you learned. Hearing you talk about poly. It felt like something that would never happen the way I wanted. I wanted to become a young version of what I saw your parents have. In our own way. Vacations, beach trips, horses, kids, family reunions, sex on balconies, threesome that didn't end in fights or questions. Just the experience. Just life our way.

I can almost hear you scoff, roll your eyes, wipe a tear, feel you soften and add another brick to the wall between us all at the same time.

Why share it now? How can you trust my words when I've lied? Why believe these words are any different? Words are dead. Actions dead.

Why? Because if I don't tell you you'll never know.

How can you trust it? You can't right now. But there may come a time when you want to trust me again. And if that moment ever comes. I want you to know how I feel.

And ultimately because I want to repair the damage that's been done in a way that is open, honest, and healthy.

[frostbite-the-bat]

Also ghhruugh I'm wasting so much time but theres like no shit to do in terms of this in winter but I'm feelie bad bc next month I already got scheduled shit and it's to help me but i still feel bad since my brother did tell me the employment department ain't gonna do shit for me but it's very fucking hard having no directions for anything and being trapped in this house unable to do anything for myself essentially and being too lazy to even look up basic shit for this because Uwhhrm Irt Too Distress FO Me.... Like it's dumb ughfhgh I hate this house but my plan is to take things slowly and at least improve my living conditions slightly like when my brother helped me a bit

I can't wait for my parents to go back to work not in a mean way but just so I have fucking privacy and proper time alone again. I can run around the house with no worries or set backs. I'm currently refusing to go brush my teeth despite the sensory nightmare because I don't wanna be seen walking out of my room by dad

I want alone time so I can clean my room without questions and without anyone barging in. I hope I'll have enough energy for that I really did condition myself to have even less energy daily on top of The Ouchies it's not good but... Hey best I can do when I can't even do. Shit for myself. Expected to start doin adult stuff but still treated as a kid. Both good and bad because I don't wanna be an adult but also I'm expected to do stuff and I'm still not being taught everything and just, in my parents own words, told I'm "not hard/difficult, doesn't want anything" bc I've been conditioned to never ask but okay

I don't even go fucking take baths without asking because the clothes are thrown around so confusingly I can never find my own clothes so I need to get mom to do it. and I'm expected to maybe find a job or decide if I wanna go to a different school after summer. I don't even have a card or anything

19 is still very young but I feel the pressure from my brother so badly and the world in general plus I'm so trapped here I can't do shit it's not good for me but I can't just leave or do things myself I haven't been taught anything I don't know how to live at all i don't know basics I've never been taught I've been so neglected in this because "Uhm I Don't Ask For Stuff ^^" ffffuckin hell.

can't even see doctors for physical shit I'd have to sneak out and know how getting an appointment works. and I know nobody would believe me even if my goal is to figure out what's wrong with me. My mom's reaction to me saying heeeeeey I have like daily pains in my hands that go from like don't notice to debilitating I can't do anything( and I had this sincei had covid. Which YOU didn't get me vaccinated for bc of YOUR beliefs. Then LIED about it. And one of the symptoms of long covid is chronic pain so... I DINNO..! CARPAL TUNNEL AND GENERAL BODY OUCHIES STARTING UP AROUND THE SAME TIME.. I DINNO. I dunno oh I GUESS it's ALL ONLY BECAUSE ii draw all day oh boohoo.)i got LAIGHED AT and told she has Ouchies Too and works anyway. Great OK no checking doctors or anything for me imma go cry now thanks

Ugh I'm not even like. In a mentally bad place right now in general like I am usually when I wrote these. I'm motivated to get started with stuff but MY PARENTS ARE A MASSIVE ROADBLOCK FOR EVERYTHING I CAN'T WAIT FOR ME TO BE ALONE IN THE HOUSE AGAIN. Sigh and again I hope by then I'll have the energy and motivation to do shit I feel nothing but lazy and like I'm rotting away it's so stressful wanting to do smthn and being unable bc it's to hard to even purh thru and because or things like family. It's all mostly a mental block but living like this with no privacy with people who haven't taught you shit one of which you fear is not good for you man. I know I repeat myself with the same statements burt

I'm tired I'm so tired I'm so tired oh my god please I'm tired of living like this it's only making me worse and because of that I need to try but it's so hard on so many fucking levels and I never try hard enough and I feel like absolute worthless shit for it

[oraclekleo]

Feedback 🥰 💜

https://www.tumblr.com/oraclekleo/736941190397771776/gellow-i-want-to-participate-in-your-game-send

Thank you so much for this reading 💜💜💜 "And I must say that your collage is pretty impressive." Hehe, thank you, i used Pinterst and Canvas.

"I can already tell you are most likely a pretty organised and neat person with a love for symmetry and clean lines. 😂 Feel free to correct me. I can be wrong. Nobody’s perfect. 🙂"

Hehe well, it depends, when it comes to online things, my phone's archives📱, my study papers and notebooks, yes I'm very neat but on my daily life i am very unorganized 🫠😔, I'm clean but very very messy(not fixing my bed after waking up, leaving my clothes on the floor, i haven't dusted off my nail polishes in a long long time, my makeup is out in the dresser/vanity ect, ect) basically for digital things i can be very organized but on my daily life , i organize the house once a week.

"Others might be still lazy and trapped in routine but it’s time for you to become productive and abundant. Start early and get ahead of others just like the cherry trees which bloom early and their fruits ripen before many others" owww i love cherry trees! They are so dreamy. I didn't know they bloom earlier than others.

"You might be standing in front of an important choice. One path will keep you grounded and safe, one takes you up to the sky and maybe into directions you could never predict. It’s important for you to make the decision with both a conscious mind and your intuition and heart" I defenely see this, I'm trying to workout how to either go with the flow of my university carrer or try to hassell it out with my pasión.

"You certainly have deep roots in your community and you are well cherished by them. On the other hand, you understand what self-love and self-care mean. Sometimes we are not meant to continue the legacy from the past rather start a new one ourselves and it’s important to decide this. You probably feel excited and full of eagerness now which is a good start. New ideas come to us for a reason but make sure to ground your dreams in reality so you can truly achieve your goals" sooo true! I want to start making sense of my dreams and wishes and do something to get them, i think I'm tired of waiting for a chnage to arrive insted of going after it.

"Don’t try to bottle your feelings up as you are perfectly able to feel them through and process them. Before making important decisions, sit down, calm down and think what it is you want over a cup of tea or any beverage you like" I agree, HIGH-key what i would love to have is someone with the known-how to guide me, but i guess i have to try to meet even more new people to get to this person or group of people.

Thanks a lot for answering this question, thanks a lot for all the details you put into them. You're very sweet and thoughtful 💜

Organising once a week is still pretty neat. I know people who never do. Like never ever. 😂 I'm actually the same. My digital files are in such a perfect order but it takes me days to fold and put washed laundry back into wardrobe. 🤣

As for the choice between career and hassling, remember that doing what you love as a source of income will turn any passion and hobby into real work. Sooner or later you won't be enjoying it that much and you might even completely lose interest in it. Regular job can be dull but it's only job, you do it for money and when your shift is over, you can unwind with your hobbies and passions. But what will you do if your hobbies and passions are turned into your job? How will you relax when you have a tough day? I'm not saying you should necessarily do what you studied. My mom was a construction engineer by education but spend her life working for insurance companies and banks and worked with hands as her hobby. It's important to remember that what we studied doesn't have to become our lifelong career. 😉

Chase after your dreams! Life might seem long now but it passes so quickly. It's never too soon or late to make at least some of your dreams a reality.

You can always acquire the know-how yourself through experience. It might be more comfortable to have guidance but it's bigger adventure to toss away manuals and find your own path. Even if you meet experts, their experience might be very different from yours and their guidance might not align with your personal path. If in doubts, seek within yourself. You know yourself the best. 💖💖💖

Thank you so much for your feedback and feel free to contact me anytime if needed or when you want to just chit chat.

I wish you all the best in your future, make it bright and brilliant! 💎✨

Kleo

[realityremedy]

The other day my mother in law SCREAMED at my wife and I. Screamed. Literally screamed. And swore, though she denies that after the fact. For a good twenty minutes or so.

My wife knows I can't function when someone is screaming at me. I froze and my wife went back at her.

She apologized the next day saying she "should have handled it better" but this is a point of no return for me. If she wasn't my MIL *and* I was not also currently financially dependant on her, I would never speak to her again. Just for that.

She felt like she hadn't been getting any help around the house. She felt like we were leaving things for her to clean. And she felt hurt because we went to Pride while she was getting a minor procedure and felt we didn't care.

Some of that may be valid, some of it definitely is not. But I don't care because it doesn't justify screaming at us. Talk it out before it gets that bad.

Instead of screaming. Instead of stonewalling us for days. Instead of huffing angrily, slamming things, stomping around.

She also complained that she was tired of me speaking to her like she's five years old. I have spent weeks just trying to keep silent as much as possible. I just can't stand fighting. I don't feel like I'm being condescending, but it keeps making her mad. But of course I'm going to slip, and it's not always going to sound nice because I spend all day biting my tongue.

While she was screaming, she gave me a recent example of this. I was taking a hat to Pride I had made for a friend and waited a long time to give to him, since we don't go to the city often.

She asked if she could have it. I said no and explained it was for a friend and I hadn't been able to get it to him for two years.

She asked to have it anyway. I think she was joking but I was annoyed, and it was apparent in my voice when I replied, "If you want one that badly, I'll make a different one for you." And apparently that was talking to her like she was five.

I try to be cautious and self-examine because I don't want to miss something in case I'm actually at fault, but I can only conclude that in her eyes, annoyed/angry/disagreement = attitude/condescension.

In fact it's beginning to feel like if I don't perform being happy every time we talk, then I'm doing something wrong.

So now not only am I trapped with her, I can't do anything except perform happiness or at least neutrality, because I can't leave. I can't let her know I'm angry at her. I can't even effectively avoid her.

I got a few days away from her and it was magical. And now she's back. And she'll go back to screaming at the dogs and cats, which triggers me. She'll go back to being passive aggressive when things don't go her way, and get upset when people disagree with her. She'll go back to expecting everyone to read her mind and exploding at them when they don't. And I'll go back to being terrified of talking, terrified of forgetting to straighten the towel or accidentally leaving a dish somewhere.

The thing that makes it so much worse is that my mom was so similar. (More with the passive aggressiveness, less with the yelling and explosive screaming.) And when we didn't live with my MIL, we actually had a great relationship. It finally felt like I had a mother figure I felt safe and happy with. And it turns out she's the same.

Our relationship was already being slowly worn away by the slamming doors and stonewalling, but the screaming... that was it. I don't think we can unring that bell.

I don't know if that's repairable. It certainly isn't without some serious apologies that I doubt I'm ever going to get. This relationship is dead, but I have to pretend it isn't. And I don't know how long I have to do that. The amount of money we make won't afford us even a damn room in this city, or anything around us. Which is why we moved in in the first place.

I can't do anything but bide my time, potentially for years, until we can get out. I want to cry but it won't work. I feel so hopeless and trapped.