#i've been asking myself whether i actually understand what the show is trying to do and perhaps i don't;

[tortoisesshells]

if you were in control of a dark shadows adaption (or, hypothetically, could alter the original; whichever you find more interesting to think about!) what does your ideal version of 1795 look like? are there things you would change? things you’d want to keep?

Let me preface this by saying I do genuinely like or appreciate a lot of the 1795 arc! When it's at its best, it's a tragedy born out of hubris and the terrible things we'll do for the people we love (or the terrible things we'll do to hold on to love. or the problem of love without respect). I'm up to episode 741, and the confrontation between Joshua and Barnabas over the latter's coffin is still one of the best scenes in the show, for my money. That said; Broadly speaking, most of my problems with 1795 either have to do with characterization, or with historical context: that DS's unwillingness to delve into historical realities undercuts its ability to talk about monsters, and that it completely mishandles Vicki to the point of functionally ruining the nominal main character (who, to be fair, was already being pushed out).

Historical Context: DS loves the past, conceptually, but it really doesn't deal in historical conditions, and that's on full display in 1795 - witchcraft trials? zippers? claiming a house built in the early 20th century, with the attendant architectural style, was actually built in the years leading up to 1795? okay. I forgive that, because we do live, narratively, in a world with witches and vampires and curses and passenger rail service north of Portland, ME after 1965 - and in a make-believe world where the costumes are as good as a budget of a crisp single and a pb&j can make 'em. I say this mostly lovingly: DS simply is not the kind of show that cares about historical plausibility, let alone accuracy. Plus, Reverend Trask was great, and on the basis of giving Jerry Lacy scenery to chew on, the witchcraft trial plotline is excused.

More seriously and damningly, I do think it's a glaring omission on a show being made and aired in the late 1960s to have three characters said to be from the (fictional) wealthiest family of planters and enslavers on Martinique and have that go unexamined and unpacked, especially when commentary on class in Collinsport has been a constant undercurrent (sometimes more of an under-trickle, or under-vague-breeze) since episode one - and because Joshua Collins is very explicit about how beneficial the connection between the two families will be for the Collinses, who always need cargo for their ships. [Since David Ford's here, you'll forgive the reference to 1776: "Molasses to Rum" playing vaguely in the background] But that's the problem with Post-Barnabas DS. Since there's a Collins running around befanged and literally drinking the blood of others, the show's lost interest in discussing how, exactly, the Collinses became wealthy and powerful, beyond the odd occasional reference to the fishing fleet and cannery or, in 1795, the shipyards. We've got a real vampire, what do we need all that metaphorical monstrosity and class/race/gender analysis for?

As a choice the show's made, I think it fundamentally undercuts one of the show's most reliable and interesting points of commentary: how charming and human some monsters are, or that humanity and monstrosity are not entirely mutually exclusive conditions.

also speaking of monstrosity. the show excuses Barnabas for so much outright evil because he preys on sex workers, primarily, and other assorted poor men and women of Collinsport, who the show ... doesn't really see as people. but that's a separate but not unrelated rant.

Characterization: really, this is about Vicki. So much of what I dislike about 1795 has to do with Vicki's characterization changing for the worse (granted, I think this problem starts much earlier, but see digression a below) once she hits the ground in 1795, AND that the 1795 arc continuously insulates her from the important parts of DS's narrative. If the whole point of Vicki landing in the past was to explain how it all began (whether that's Barnabas's vampirism, or the opening of the great house at Collinwood - Sarah's ghostly goals are unclear here), she's party to neither: Vicki spends very little time in Collinwood, and is kept completely apart from even a hint of knowledge that Barnabas is a vampire. In effect: Vicki, as nominal main character, gets sent into the past, but not as a character - she's just a windowpane, or a magic mirror as far as her importance to the narrative goes. Which is unfortunate for her, because as a character taking up space, she's given screen-time without agency, intelligence, or inner life. The only change that being dragged by her puppet strings through 1795 effects in Vicki Winters is a rope-burn from a failed hanging, an infected gunshot wound, and a I-wish-he-were-more-permanently-dead rebound boyfriend whose response to Vicki panicking about being hanged was to slap her for being hysterical.

Forgive me for being unimpressed.

As far as fixing it goes - there's where I've been striking out. She's fatally passive in 1795 as written. Why doesn't Vicki try to figure out how to get back to her present? (and if she doesn't, perhaps ... gesture at why Vicki might feel like there's not a lot to return to in the present? She nearly jumped from Widows' Hill about 10 episodes before 1795 started.) Why does Vicki persist in making herself suspicious, when she was introduced as a character hampered more by inexperience than true ignorance? In the idea 1795 that lives in my head, why wouldn't Vicki try to figure out who the real witch was, because - given her experiences with the supernatural! - surely a witch might be any help in getting her out of the 18th century and back into the present? End of day, she needs a real plot which doesn't end with her in prison unconnected to the Collinses. Whether that's searching for an escape hatch back to the Swinging Sixties, or Sarah's ghost giving her clear instructions - some kind of a goal! - Vicki either shouldn't exist in 1795 (recycle Moltke as another Collins sibling? that would add a wrinkle to the question of Vicki's antecedents) or she has to be given something to do.

&, finally ...

Digression A: In fairness to the 1795 arc, I think the arc was only following a pattern of characterization and plot involvement that started with Barnabas's arrival: first, that Vicki initially wasn't really involved in the Barnabas plot because she was more involved with the Liz & Jason plot, and, unfortunately for Vicki, everyone still talks about Barnabas, where no one (alas for Patrick and Bennett!) talks up the blackmail thing; second, I think, that the one-two punch of the definitive end of the era of metaphorical monsters & the Burke recast meant that a lot of the dramatic tension that Vicki was carrying either got dismissed or dissipated. We're not playing Jane Eyre any more, we're doing Dracula: Vicki's relationship with Roger and David no longer bears any dramatic weight. We've completely sidelined the question of Vicki's origins, so whether or not Liz is her mother doesn't matter (and the revelation and dismissal of Liz's not-actually-monstrous conduct sort of defangs that relationship, too? oh, Liz isn't actually a murderer? so mother or not, there's no strain on her relationship with the conspicuously virtuous Vicki.). Burke's no longer threatening to burn down Collinsport for revenge, and all of his various relationships with the Collinses or Collinsport denizens have gotten abruptly normalized, so there's no tension to his relationship with Vicki any more: he's rich (don't ask where the money came from), he's in love with her, and now he's chummy with all her friends/stand-in family members. He doesn't even have conversations that are totally just about pens or guns with Roger, for god's sake. The show kicked out all the pillars Victoria Winters as a character had been built on, and it only gets worse after 1795. No wonder Moltke left.

[lylianrae]

Fullfilment is all you need + success??

Basically what the title says + pics for proof (since anons had no problem asking for pics shamelessly (shameeee on you🤨) )

What even is fulfillment?

Fulfillment is the "feeling" that your desires are already realised in the 3D. It is also the same feeling we are trying to evoke with the state of wish fulfilled. When you are fulfilled, you feel as though you already have it fully (although you may only have in the 4D) and you're not actually bothered about whether it would manifest or how long it takes. As Neville always stated in his books, "feeling is the secret", its like knowing you already have it so you're secure in your manifestation.

Why is fulfillment the G.O.A.T?

Honestly you can manifest things so easily. Forgot affirming for 16 hours straight, SATs, the void, tapping or whatever the anons are on these days. It can be so much fun and it'll always leave you feeling good because you know you already have it. If you actually explore why you might want a certain desire, you'll realise that it actually stems from a much deeper void (pun intended).

For example, you might want to manifest 100% on your next test - do you want to see the number 100 randomly or do you want to feel proud of yourself? Do you want to have people admiring and respecting you? Do you want your parents to brag about you to their coworkers? Same thing with money, if you just have £25,000 in your bank account, it'll just be a bunch of numbers but actually what you are after is the financial freedom. The numbers would be useless if you can't do what you want with them.

Overall its the reason why we manifest and why these desires become reality. As soon as we make the feeling of having it natural, it manifests.

How do I know if I am fulfilled?

You are secure in your knowing as you know you have it already so there is no wondering where your desire is. You don't really care about time or how long it takes the same way anymore because you understand that you have it now so there is nothing to wait for if you already have what you want. Its more you know you have in the 4D so you don't care about the 3D. You have entered sabbath state and you're just chilling basically (it sounds like 5 different ways to say the same thing? 🤨).

How do I fulfill myself?

All these techniques - SATS, affirming, visualisation is all about helping us fulfill ourselves. Decide that you have this particular desire and know that. Sometimes we crave certain feelings, like sometimes we just want a warm hug or to eat a certain food which we can't in the moment. Literally just close your eyes and imagine having whatever it is as vividly as possible (if you want) and you'll notice the feeling of lack and desire just leaving.

For example, if you want a chocolate bar, you'll decide that you have one now. No matter what the 3D shows you, know that you have a chocolate bar. You can affirm, do SATS and visualise for the chocolate bar but at the end of the day they are techniques used to help you fulfill yourself and ease your craving for the chocolate bar by tell you that you already have it. With that being said, there is no higher power out there that will say that you can't have your desire if you only affirm 49 times out of 50 or only visualise once throughout your day. Thats also why sometimes desires just pop up even if you affirm once.

Success story??

So recently I have been putting my foot down about manifesting so I have been visualising and fulfilling myself whenever I get the chance. If I want to eat something I dont have in my house? Into my imagination I go and I create it. I want to hug someone I can't anymore? Imagination time. I want someone stop asking me questions? Close eyes, fulfill, rinse and repeat.

I've been "meditating" at night (I say meditating but its me just passing out after 3 secs) so sometimes I get weird trippy dreams but sometimes I can't remember them at all and wake up tired af even though I get 9 hours of sleep (sus as hell). Anyways one day (9/07) I dreamt of some dogs (which I completely forgot about) and after a few hours, my mum told me that my brother was collecting coins so he could save up for a puppy (hes 5 lmao) and shes was so impressed. She tried to talk to my dad into it and surprisingly he agreed?? Although I love dogs, I have also asked for a cat since forever (since manifesting my way into that private school) and I basically complained hard to my dad who really wanted a dog but he was kind of leaning towards a cat too that day. He even told me that if any sellers agree, he'll go pick them up right that day (lets be real, no one will with such short notice I think he just set me up to fail 😡). The next day (10/07) my sister approached him about it and apparently he was like no way (🤕) but tbh I didn't really care. Inside I was just like "I'll get whatever I want anyways" because its true but also because I'm kind of too busy for a pet right now. I used to think my life was too toxic for pet and that they would be better off not being mine but recently I just realised that I was just manifesting that toxicity into my life. Why would I, the God of my reality, be deprived of anything I want? Its simply not natural. Anyways -back to the story- he didn't want to get a cat and I was busy that day I sort of just dropped it. The next day (11/07), I was looking through kitten pictures and showing my mum and we were taking about what kind of cat to get, awwing over kittens (the usual yk). My dad walked in and I showed him the pictures and for once in his life, he was like yeah they're cute and then he told me to message the seller and that he will go pick the kitten up that very same day if they responded but only if they responded by 5 pm or else I won't get a cat at all (at the time, it was already after 3:30pm). I messaged a bunch of them and one of them responded super fast and even gave us their number, my dad gave them a call but... they would. not. pick up. I was stressing out so much because time was running but I somehow channeled my inner master manifestor and just calmed myself. Then the next thing I did was close my eyes and imagine myself hugging a tinyy black and white kitten. Then I just let it go, grabbed some ice cream and forced myself to chill. Lmao just kidding, I affirmed in my head like twice but I was interrupted because the seller called back!! Anyways, long story short, we ended up driving 1hr to the sellers place and guess what... I got what I wanted.

Lol hes angry I won't let him sleep

His name is Mion and hes an absolutely babyyy. I will never shut up about how perfect he is - hes so freaking well behaved, has never bit, scratched or pooped on anything (expect litter). Hes so good with loud noises and with being picked up and played with. I've only heard him meow at the fruit flies and he only uses his claws on his toys. The crazy part is I only paid £10 for him. I used to stress that my dad won't actually like him but tell me why he's baby talking him?? It was honestly all so sudden, I didn't even have cat litter or a litter tray for him on the day.

I didn't exactly want a cat that bad but I think because I'm always giving myself whatever I want in my imagination, my subconcious just translated that into "there is nothing that I cannot have". Remember, there is nothing that you cannot have either <3 Bye bye.

Love, Lylian. This post is way too long, I'm so sorry I lost the plot a while ago. Ps: do you have any naming suggestions for him, I feel like Mion is a good name and an awful name at the same time.

[mercillery]

Hey! Idk of you're taking requests atm so feel free to ignore this if you're not. But Nacht has just showed up on my rewatch of black clover and I'm kind of getting ahead of myself with this hyper fixation?

Could I please humbly request a Nacht (or Julius if you don't do him) x femreader who uses demon soul magic? Like Mirajane Strauss from fairytail? Possibly with a similar backstory if you would be so bold? 👀

Your humble servant - ��🦐

WARNINGS: FEMALE READER

NOTES: Had to pull her backstory and powers from the wiki, so sorry if I get some parts of the backstory wrong. Hope you don’t mind that it’s Julius! AND IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

Julius, with his insatiable curiosity and deep passion for magic, was immediately captivated the moment he heard about you—a user of demon magic. The concept itself was enough to make his eyes sparkle with interest and excitement. The sheer rarity and potential power of such magic fascinated him beyond measure. He couldn't wait to someday meet you in person, to witness your abilities firsthand, and to understand the intricacies of your unique magic!

When the day finally came and Julius laid eyes on you for the first time, he wasted no time in approaching you. His excitement was palpable, radiating off him in waves as he practically bounced over to you. "You must be the demon magic user I've heard so much about!" he exclaimed, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. His eyes, wide with wonder, already filled with countless questions. And without a moment's hesitation, he began bombarding you with a flurry of questions. "How does your magic work? What are its limitations? Can you show me some of your spells?“

You were taken aback by his relentless inquisitiveness, struggling to keep up with the rapid-fire questions. Yet, despite the initial shock, you found yourself trying to answer each one as best as you could.

From that moment on, Julius began to spend a significant amount of time with you, since you allowed him to. He became a constant presence in your life, so much so that Marx knows that if Julius is once again neglecting his duties but is not in his usual places searching for new magic, then that likely means he’s glued to your side. And every time, he is spot on—much to Julius’ disappointment, because then he’s dragged away by Marx and forced to do boring paperwork again.

And naturally, since Julius spends so much time with you now, he's had the chance to see your demon magic in action—though you might not have been aware of it. He’s not a stalker, but come on, demon magic is just too cool to pass up! Whether he catches glimpses of your magic during your daily activities or because he outright asks you to demonstrate some spells, Julius is always overjoyed.

When you finally agree to show him your magic, his reaction is nothing short of ecstatic. His eyes light up with an intensity that borders on childlike wonder, filled with an insatiable curiosity. Every spell you cast and every display of your abilities leaves him more amazed than the last. It’s like you’re opening up a whole new world to him, and he can’t get enough. The more spells you show him, the more he urges you to continue. His excitement is palpable, and his enthusiasm is incredibly infectious. You demonstrate how you can take on the form of different demons, each with its own unique powers. Julius is practically bouncing with excitement. And when you show him that you can destroy and control demons without even assuming their forms, he’s utterly beside himself with joy.

“You can do that too? That’s incredible! Can you please show me more?” His eyes widen with amazement, and his voice is filled with awe and admiration. Every new aspect of your magic feels like a revelation to him, and he seems on the verge of exploding with excitement. If you continue on, he actually might explode confetti. 

And as much as Julius fanboys over your demon magic, he takes his time to truly appreciate you as an individual, not just for your magic. It wasn't long before he genuinely saw you as a friend, and not just someone who’s tolerating him and his endless questions. In fact, the moment he excitedly bombarded you with questions about your demon magic, he had already considered you a friend. But as time passed, your bond grew deeper, evolving from a shared interest in magic to something more emotionally profound. And obviously, as your friendship with someone deepens, conversations about the past are more likely to happen. However, Julius did not learn about your past from you.

He learns about your past through Yami.

I know this isn’t specifically about Yami, but I have a strong feeling that you and Yami have known each other for a long time—since you both arrived in the Clover Kingdom around the same time. This means Yami has literally known you longer than almost anyone else. He’s seen your journey and transformation into the sweet and motherly figure you are today. Yami's knowledge of your past is something he tends to keep to himself. He respects your growth and doesn’t want to bring up memories that might disturb your peace. However, I imagine there was one night where Yami had a bit too much to drink—and in his inebriated state, he let his guard down and ended up spilling the beans to Julius about how you used to be. Julius, always eager to learn more about his friends, listened intently as Yami talked.

This is how Julius’ face looks like the whole time Yami talks about your past: 🙂😶😮😯

Yeah, Julius is stunned. Not in a bad way, though.

To think that you, the most motherly and sweet woman Julius knows, used to be punkish and temperamental? He was definitely shocked. He had expected many things, but not this. Julius genuinely had to take a few moments to process what Yami had told him. Even with Yami's straightforward description, Julius found it hard to picture you as anything but kind and gentle, even if it was in the past. Julius knew you were tough now, fully capable of defending yourself if necessary, but learning that you were once feared for a completely different reason was a revelation. Yami, realizing his slip-up, quickly muttered an “oops” and told Julius to forget everything he said, as if he hadn’t just unveiled a shocking chapter of your past.

But despite the unexpected information, Julius didn’t feel any negative emotions about it. Instead, the first thought that crossed his mind was curiosity about what might have caused such a drastic change in you. He wondered what significant event or series of events had led to your transformation from a feared figure to the sweet, motherly person you are now. As he pondered this, Julius felt a swell of pride for you. If there was one thing Julius absolutely loved, it was witnessing people change for the better—and you had done just that. This newfound knowledge didn’t alter Julius’s perception of you negatively, not even a tiny bit. On the contrary, it deepened his respect and admiration for you. He saw you as a woman who had not only mastered incredible magic but had also transformed herself into a beacon of kindness and strength. He wasn’t expecting to find out about how you were back then, especially from a drunk Yami, but he isn’t complaining. He learned something new about you today, and he’s proud of the change of character you made.

But now, every time Julius sees you, he tries to imagine you as mean just out of pure curiosity—but he literally cannot. He simply can't fathom you being unkind, even toward the worst being on the planet. But despite his curiosity, he keeps his mouth shut about what Yami revealed, respecting your privacy and not wanting to make you uncomfortable. However, his curiosity continues to grow until one day he can't contain it anymore. Julius is careful and considerate, waiting for the right moment to bring it up. He makes sure it's a time when it's just the two of you, with no one else around to overhear or intrude.

When the moment finally arrives, Julius approaches the topic gently. He understands that the past can be a sensitive subject, and he wants to ensure you feel safe and respected. "I've been meaning to ask you something," he begins, his tone soft and sincere. "Yami mentioned a bit about your past when he was... well, not entirely sober. It made me curious, but I didn't want to bring it up until I felt it was the right time." He pauses, giving you a moment to process his words. "I know that the past isn't always easy to talk about, and I respect that. But if you're comfortable sharing, I'd really like to understand more about your journey." Julius watches your reaction carefully, ready to back off if he senses any discomfort. His genuine interest and respect for you are clear in his eyes.

He listens very closely when you tell him about your past. Believe me when I say that you have his full undivided attention, and he’s literally more focused on you than ever right now; he’s not letting a single word from you go past one ear and then out the other. 

In your younger years, your life was marked by utter tragedy and sorrow. After your parents died, you and your siblings were left to fend for yourselves. When you were around 13, an incident occurred that would change your life forever: a demon had taken over the church in your village, terrorizing the townspeople. In a desperate bid to help, you confronted the demon, using your nascent magical abilities. However, in the chaos of the battle and your lack of control over your powers, you inadvertently took on the appearance of the very demon you had defeated. The townspeople, instead of seeing you as a savior, recoiled in fear and disgust, scorning you and viewing you with hatred. The pain of their rejection cut deep, and you felt an overwhelming sense of shame and self-loathing. Unable to bear the hostile environment, you and your siblings decided to leave the village behind, seeking a new beginning.

Your journey brought you to the Clover Kingdom. While it was a fresh start geographically, your emotional state remained turbulent. The trauma of your past left you withdrawn, mean, and intimidating. You had built a tough exterior, becoming a bully as a means to protect yourself from further hurt. Despite settling into the Clover Kingdom with your siblings, the belief that you were possessed by the demon lingered, fueling your insecurities. After some time in the Clover Kingdom, you finally learned that you were not possessed. Yet, even with this revelation, the deep-seated belief that you were a monster persisted. The scorn and hatred you faced in your village left scars that were not easily healed. You considered leaving the Clover Kingdom to escape your past and the lingering self-doubt, but your siblings persuaded you to stay; they didn't want you to face the world alone.

When Julius finally asks you about your past, you take a deep breath and share your story with him. He listens intently, his eyes filled with empathy and understanding. As you recount the painful memories and the journey that led you to the Clover Kingdom, Julius feels a profound respect for your strength and resilience.

He seems visibly astonished when you're done talking about your background, but he covers it up so his surprise doesn't affect you. However, he remains composed and gives you a nod, letting you know that he listened to absolutely everything you had to say. It's clear that he has a great deal of sympathy, and he feels awful for you because of your difficult and painful background.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that," Julius says softly once you've finished, looking at you with eyes full of compassion and empathy. "But I hope you know that you're not a monster. You've shown incredible strength and kindness despite everything."

His words bring a sense of comfort and validation, easing the initial nervousness you felt about speaking of your past. You look down and smile, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction in knowing that he completely understands and doesn’t show an ounce of disrespect toward you for your past. In that moment, you genuinely feel comforted—not just by his words, but by the genuine concern on his face. It's a relief to have someone hear you out without judgment, and Julius's acceptance brings a warmth to your heart that you hadn't felt in a long time. And after that emotional moment you shared with him, your bond becomes stronger than ever.

Julius won’t bring up your past again unless you decide to do so yourself. He respects your boundaries and understands that such memories are deeply personal and sensitive. However, from now on, Julius will see you in a different light—a much brighter and more admirable one. He looks at you with a newfound appreciation, understanding the depth of your journey and the immense strength it took for you to transform into the person you are today. Every time Julius sees you now, he's reminded of the incredible resilience and courage you've shown. The hardships you've endured and the significant changes you've made only serve to elevate his respect and admiration for you. It fills him with happiness to know that someone so strong and kind has overcome such adversity.

He’s genuinely glad you felt comfortable enough to share your past with him, and this trust has only deepened the bond between you. He knows that opening up wasn't easy, and your willingness to let him in is something he cherishes. And from now on, Julius will carry your story with him. He feels honored to know the true extent of your past and the remarkable strength it took to overcome it. Your presence is like a constant reminder of the power of change and the human spirit's capacity for growth. Overall, he feels incredibly lucky to call you a friend. :)

[shihalyfie]

I've alluded to tri. having some very troubled production behind the scenes, and among everything that apparently went on back there, there seem to have been at least two major bottlenecks: 1) the fact that the director (who, based on his own statements about deliberately not consulting source material, most likely didn't even watch Adventure to begin with) kept asking everyone to make things more "mature" without being clear on what that actually meant, and 2) the fact they ran out of budget and had to rewrite the entire plot halfway into it. Even the most brilliant of creators probably wouldn't be able to work at their best under such conditions.

But conversely, this also means that there were some excellent people involved in production whose efforts probably haven't been as appreciated as they should be! So I want to take a moment to spotlight some people I want to give props to:

Ayana Yuniko and Nakanishi Yasuhiro: These two scriptwriters were childhood Digimon fans who were thrilled to be on the project, and their enthusiasm clearly shows in every interview they were in. Ayana even made keen observations like noticing that the Adventure kids aren't as super-tight as people tend to make them out to be (something I've pointed out myself, and something that generally only tends to crop up among fans who have studied the series closely), and Nakanishi stated that she would slip him detailed notes about the characters and their relationships.

Both of them stated they were trying to portray the Adventure characters in a character-accurate way but kept getting their scripts rejected for not being "mature" enough, leaving them unsure about what they were supposed to do. Their roles on the series were also limited; Ayana was on parts 1, 2, and 4 while Nakanishi was on part 4 only, and they were sharing the scriptwriter role with multiple others (even within a single movie). But if I were asked to pick who on the staff list I would want to see come back for another Digimon work, it would absolutely be these two.

Kakikara Yuuko: The one in charge of overall writing for the series. tri. had a total of five scriptwriters and could have up to four(!) on a given movie, so because of that, her statements on the series and its story direction have been a bit difficult to tell whether it was her idea personally or whether she was delivering the writing room's discussion result. But one of her final statements on the series basically amounted to "I'm grateful if you even came to watch it to the end at all," and she was quite humble about saying she felt things could have been done differently; considering it sounds like she had a hard time keeping everyone and everything in order, I can only imagine she went through a lot trying to make sure everything ended safely. Incidentally, her writing portfolio is also quite respectable (and even includes kids' shows).

Suzuki Takaaki: The person with the job of "setting researcher", i.e. the one with the job of looking into the lore. Sadly, it seems like most of his ideas didn't make it into the final series (possibly because of the budget loss-induced rewrite), but his one solo interview indicates that he put quite a bit of conscientious thought into how Digital World lore works, including the idea of an EMP weapon that would affect Digimon easily but not humans (an idea that doesn't pop up among fans as often as you'd think, and took up until last year to make it into actual Adventure material via Takeru's 02TB in-universe fanfic).

Sakabe Gou: The person in charge of the series BGM. We haven't heard a lot from him, but the little we have indicates that although he also had difficulty understanding what the director was asking for when he wanted "mature" music of some kind, he himself put some very thorough thought put into the composition. In particular, he went into detail regarding the music used at the beginning of part 4, which seems to be a fan-favorite track from what I've seen (it's also my favorite too!). Sakabe also has an extensive and respectable portfolio outside Digimon; in particular, he's very highly regarded in Kamen Rider circles, so if you have a friend who's a fan, it might be a good idea to ask them about it!

[chimonystack]

Alright so I watched Inside Out 2 a couple days ago, and I'm sure other people already have talked about everything possible, but I still feel like I need to rant about my thoughts so I'm gonna do that here.

SPOILERS BELOW, PLEASE SKIP THIS POST IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE MOVIE AND DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED

The first thing I wanna talk about is how insanely accurate all the emotions were portrayed. The first movie already showed the emotions in a simple but also incredibly accurate way, so much so that I could understand it as a kid who hadn't even turned ten when the first movie came out. But this movie took that portrayal and turned it up to eleven. I feel like if I were still nine years old and I watched this movie, it would perfectly help me understand the concepts of anxiety, envy, embarrassment and even ennui in a way that I don't think any other movie could.

Being even more specific, the panic attack was an incredibly realistic portrayal too. I've been lucky enough not to have experienced a full-on panic attack myself, but I've heard from people close to me that also watched the movie that it's even their favorite part of the movie for how good it really is. Plus, the way Riley grounds herself, and the way the movie brings attention to it is really amazing to see. First she slows her breathing as the emotions all hug her new sense of self, and then the immediate next thing that she does is focus on the feel of the bench on her hand, the sounds of the hockey game around her, and what she can see, and it works. Admittedly, this part I probably wouldn't have understood as a kid, but I definitely understand it now, and it's beautiful.

This is also a great movie to get across the concept of peer pressure, and how subtle it can be. Val's two friends in the hallway are a great example. The way they talk to Riley about Coach's red notebook puts the idea into her head that the notebook is the most important thing determining whether or not she'll become a Firehawk. This idea gets to her so much that she sneaks into Coach's office at night to find her name in the notebook, something that she likely never would have done had Val's two friends not talked about the notebook that way. Similarly, in the scene where Riley and the Firehawks are hanging out together and talking about bands, one of those same friends asks Riley who her favorite band is, and when she says Get Up and Glow, this friend of Val's pressures Riley into lying and being sarcastic about loving her favorite band, all because she wants to fit in with the Firehawks. Val's friends may not even realize they're pressuring her, but it's still enough to get Riley to try and change everything about herself just to become friends with the Firehawks.

Aside from all of those concepts, though, there were also so many small details and easter eggs that I wanna rant about. I loved how almost all of the memories at the start of the movie were mixed between the core 5 emotions, showing that they worked together so well as a team. I freaked out when I saw Joy's origami Bing Bong on her shelf by her bed. I loved the details about Bloofy breaking the fourth wall not being understandable to anybody else, and how Lance Slashblade moves like a videogame character getting caught on the collision of a map. I loved that the officer's hat in the vault scene had "My Hat" written on it to call back to the two Subconscious guards from the first movie.

I guess my main point is that I believe this movie is just as good as the first Inside Out, and perfectly captures the message it wants to give to people. I had so many concerns that it would be a disappointing sequel, and I was so pleasantly surprised once I actually watched it. You don't have to agree with me, of course; that's only natural for some people not to agree on things. But I do hope that if you took the time to read everything in this monster of a post, that you enjoyed my ramblings, and that maybe it even resonated with you.

[redditreceipts]

hello! i wanted to ask a question, this may be personal for you, so feel free to ignore if it is. im a woman, and im in a relationship with an autistic woman, we are both in our early twenties. i know for a fact that we have different views on the gender and trans thing, and so far it hasn't been a problem, but sometimes she says she doesn't understand gender and that she doesn't really know what she is, but she's also doesn't identify as non-binary. sometimes this kinda bothers me, because sometimes it's like she understands and is sure that she's a woman and there isn't anything wrong with that, and sometimes she says stuff like that. you also being autistic, do you maybe have some kind of insight on this, something that can help understand her feelings (both for me and her)? i want her to know that gender literally doesn't matter, but i feel like the way i've explained it in the past doesn't resonate with her or maybe I don't make myself clear hahaha if u could help I'd appreciate it a lot! thanks in advance :)

heyyy :) sorry first of all for the late answer, and say hi from me to your girlfriend!!

First of all, what exactly is it about gender that your girlfriend doesn't understand? I personally think that even before I became a feminist, I did understand gender in the same way I understood ableism for example. What I didn't understand was the enthusiastic participation in gender. Why would people identify as the offensive stereotype patriarchy had prescribed them? It was a mystery to me. Maybe it's the same for your girlfriend?

If I was speaking to my younger self, I would try to explain that most of the apparently arbitrary social norms that neurotypicals put up with are actually not that arbitrary. For example ironing your clothes: it might seem stupid and ridiculous that neurotypicals only want to go out with ironed clothes, because it literally doesn't make any difference in hygiene or anything else whether your clothes are crinkly or not. But the social signifier for ironed clothes is that you show the other neurotypicals around you that you have your life under control to such a degree that you have time and energy for such superfluous activities like ironing your clothing.

Gender is another social construct that seems random on the first glance, but is actually a mechanism to enforce social control towards women. Women are told to be meek, quiet, submissive, subservient, pretty, etc. This has been the case for centuries. But how did women cope with it? The thing for neurotypical people is that to endure the injustices of social structures that they are subjugated under, they have developed a system of justifications not only towards others but towards themselves. This lessens the pain of existence under an oppressive social system. An example is the fact that many members of racial minorities report themselves that they and other members of the same minority are inferior. It may seem stupid on the first glance, but it's actually a mechanism of survival - like a child that gets told that they are stupid, and the child then goes on to tell themselves that yes, they are really stupid and they deserve this treatment. People of all marginalised backgrounds start to grow into the stereotypes that are perpetuated against them, to lessen the pain of being falsely characterised as inferior - if they actually are inferior, there is nothing wrong with their oppression, right? This is the process of internalisation. It's a mechanism of self-preservation. Women, who have been treated as less than for millenia, have mastered this art of internalising the false narrative that is told about them. And that's where identity comes into play. Many women have mastered this art of self-delusion to a degree that they actively identify as the inferior stereotype that men have made up for them. Gender has become so naturalised that an entire movement has formed around the idea that gender is innate, unchanging, literally connected to your soul - and seeing it that way, you kinda get it, right? It's so much less painful to act as if your own dehumanisation is not something imposed, but rather something innate.

But the truth is that it's not. Gender is not something productive, and gender categories have to be abolished. Not feeling like any gender is a human's natural state and the only path to liberation for women is to let go of it. Nobody inherently identifies as any gender, and autistic people are less likely to condition themselves into doing so. Autistic people not feeling like any gender is the sign that gender is not inherent, but rather social. And in the end, that's a good thing, right? Because what else but oppression, violence and pain has gender ever brought upon humanity?

I think that it's also important for you (the person writing this ask) to acknowledge that even though your girlfriend might not identify with any gender stereotypes, it's possible that she doesn't want to be very gender non-conforming. I know that if I'm gender non-conforming, because of that and my autism, I just get treated like a child. People talk to me like I'm severely developmentally stunted, which is why I do try to present myself as more "adult" (as in using make-up, certain clothing items, perfume, etc.) It's not because I like it, but because I kinda don't want to deal with the double discrimination of being autistic and gnc lol

So yeah, I hope this helped you a bit (even though I've been very late in responding - sorry for that again!) I wish you and your girlfriend the best! ❤️

[dreamlifebunny]

hi~ i just wanted to know your thoughts or opinions on tarot readings? i got into reading tarot about a year ago and it turns out i am pretty good at it ! i get so inspired and really feel like im helping people when i give them readings. im not really sure if it's on brand for neville's teachings though. I've been a bit torn cause I really do fully believe in the virtues of both NG and divination, but it's kind of hard cause law of assumption is all about finding answers from the inner man, not from external sources (like tarot cards...) so i just wanted to know if you have any advise on keeping a balance of these things or maybe i should walk away from tarot practices altogether? yeah im not really sure, but any thoughts you have would be much appreciated 🫶🏻

OMG ANON, this is my favourite question EVER!! I completely understand what you mean, it's hard to "believe" in or use tarot when you know that you create your own reality and answers. However, I think that tarot is a super great tool for us to get to know our limiting beliefs and help us along our manifesting journeys!

Before I begin, I wanted to say that I think you are very wise to be questioning two seemingly "opposing" beliefs (tarot as an external source, law of assumption as an internal source). Spirituality and truth come from asking questions and getting to the very core of our beliefs, and I think you're doing good work here by trying to figure this out and asking these questions! ❤️

At its core, tarot is a collection of universal symbols that humanity has repeatedly identified with and recognized over time. It's very easy for us to look at a card's imagery and see how it reflects our own lived experiences. With this in mind, tarot is actually a really great way for us to better understand ourselves and our beliefs and solidify our manifesting practice!

I'll give you a couple examples. Let's say that I know for a fact that all of my desires have already been said "yes" to and that all I need to do is relax and be excited and fulfilled. If I asked, "where am I blocked in my manifestation?" and I pulled the Four of Cups, the card could be telling me that I am being handed my desire but I keep saying "no" to it by not believing that it is already mine!

Another example could be that I know that all I need to do is go within myself and fulfill the inner man. If I ask the question "where am I blocked in my manifestation?" and pull the Five of Pentacles, it could be saying that I am ignoring the warmth and abundance that is inside myself and instead am choosing to wander around the outside world looking for confirmation!

As you can see, I am not relying on the tarot to tell me whether or not my desire is coming, because the truth of the Law of Assumption has already given me that answer; a resounding yes! Instead, I am using the tarot to show me where I am straying from the truth, and getting advice on where I can reclaim my power as I Am.

In a way, we can use tarot similarly to how Neville used the bible; he analyzed the bible and re-framed the content to better understand and reflect the truths of the Law of Assumption, and we can do the same using tarot! The Law is the truth, and the tarot helps us return to that truth when used in a helpful way.

Additionally, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using tarot even though you know the truth of the Law of Assumption. For example, we know that we can lose weight without working out simply by assuming we have lost weight, but some people absolutely love going to the gym and have fun working out, so they should absolutely keep doing that! Same with tarot; we know that we can find all of the answers we need inside of ourselves, but we are also humans who struggle with human problems and tarot can be a really comforting and fun thing. Plus, if you get super inspired doing tarot and it brings joy to your life, then you ABSOLUTELY should continue doing it! 💗 Manifesting and Neville's teachings come from a place of wanting to feel the absolute most lovely feelings and give yourself the best life possible, and if tarot gives you lots of happy feelings then that is the best thing ever! 🥰

And really when you think of it, tarot may seem like "external" source, but where do you get all of the answers from when you pull a card? Yourself! You go within your mind and your own experience and intuition and you give yourself and others wonderful answers through the cards. In this way, tarot is actually a great way for us to externalize what we already know internally. It's kinda like when you feel sad or angry so you choose to journal all of the feelings out; as soon as you get it out, you get answers to your questions and you feel relief for having externalized it all.

Finally, the way that I learned tarot is to use it to tell a story; who are the characters? How does their story progress in the pictures of the cards we pull? Self / I Am / God wanted to live an infinite number of lives to experience its wonderful limitlessness, just like how human beings want to create beautiful stories and art. Tarot helps us understand our own human story, and that is a lot of fun and a huge comfort, even when we already know the truth!

(Also keep in mind, not a lot of people know or believe in the Law, which makes reading tarot for others such a beautiful way to give them positive news and make them feel good about themselves! And what a beautiful and lovely thing that is ❤️)

Hopefully this answers your question anon, I really appreciate such a thoughtful question and I hope you continue to pursue whatever makes you happiest and always returning to your belief in the law! 🥰 Also, pleaseeeee DM me if you ever wanna talk more about tarot and the law!!! Hehe.

Finally: I truly encourage everyone to look at any spiritual belief that you have or that you used to have and turn it over in your minds until you get to the core truth. Learn new things, test them out, and expand your mind and your beliefs against the things that you already know! I'll make a post on this later, because it is a really beautiful thing to explore :) Big hugs! ❤️

[sokkastyles]

Hey!, I love your atla meta and zutara posts.

I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this. So if u don't mind, what do you think about this?

After a break from the atla fandom bcz the discourse lowkey left me exhausted and traumatized. This was'nt pleasant.

Maybe it's bcz this feels like someone read a zutara post and is trying to paint smth similar to it with maiko , but for some reason, this makes me feel kinda sick.

Thoughts?

I think I've responded to this sentiment before because there's a lot to unpack with the idea that Mai "loved Zuko unconditionally," because first of all, she didn't. Their relationship only began because Azula decided it would be more beneficial to bring Zuko back as an ally than as an enemy. If things had gone as expected, Zuko would have been brought back to the fire nation as a prisoner, and he would have been spending the trip home in a cell like Iroh instead of smooching Mai. We have no idea whether Mai might have been distressed by this possibility and the hand she would have played in it, and the show gets her off the hook from having to have feelings about it because things just happen to work out so that she doesn't have to and she gets a boyfriend instead of the knowledge that she helped destroy the life of the boy she had a crush on when they were kids. I actually asked myself once whether she would have cared, and even attempted to write a fic where I started out thinking that Mai would actually try to break Zuko out of prison, but that's not what ended up happening as I channeled Mai's character. Here's the fic by the way.

My point is that their relationship is conditional. It's conditional on Zuko choosing to side with the fire nation. That's why he has to break up with her when he realizes that's not what he wants anymore, and when he tries to explain that to her, she refuses to understand it. And then when she decides to get back together with him, it's conditional, too. She literally tells him never to break up with her again. That's not something you say to a person you love unconditionally, because unconditional love means allowing someone to make their own choices, even if it means letting them go. I'm not even sure you can claim Mai loved Zuko before his banishment, either, since all we see is her blushing once when they were kids. The most you can say is she had a kiddie crush.

I've also seen people say that she loves him unconditionally because she's willing to get back together with him despite not agreeing with his morals, and as I've already said, that isn't true, because she threatens him with ultimatums, and she makes Zuko promise something he can't keep. They broke up because of their differing morals, and since that doesn't change, Zuko is likely to do the same thing again, just like he did at the Boiling Rock when Mai thought he would just back down if she yelled and threw things enough.

But also, the idea that unconditional love in this particular instance is a good thing is something I have to question in the first place. Unconditional love is a lofty phrase, but there are absolutely things that SHOULD be conditional in relationships, and having the same morals and ideals is one of those things. Especially since Zuko is the Fire Lord and his beliefs about politics and ethics will affect the future of his country. This isn't just a difference of opinion, it's something that makes them fundamentally incompatible and it's never resolved. And using it to claim that Mai "loves him unconditionally" because she's willing to stay with him even though they have fundamentally different ideals rubs me the wrong way.

Which leads me back to why I think people make these arguments in the first place, and I agree that it's nauseating. Because often when people say this, they're making some kind of implication that Zuko was so horrible to her and he should be grateful to her that she's willing to stick with him. And not only is that a shitty thing to do to someone in a relationship, but it is not unconditional love. It's gaslighting. It's especially creepy because Zuko has already had enough of that shit in his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is, not despite who he is, and that kind of love is not real love to begin with. People are like "oh, but she saved him!" Yeah, she was the reason he was in danger in the first place, though. "Oh, but she put up with his anger and jealousy!" He was angry and jealous because she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her that he was hurting. "But she isn't his therapist!" Literally shut up. I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't think I've ever seen a fictional relationship be accidentally written like an abusive relationship the way this one is, and it's even worse given that Zuko already has a history of abuse.

And yeah, I agree I think people try to make this argument to counteract Zutara, because Zutara is so much about change. Zuko had to change to have a friendship with Katara, so to counteract people try to make Mai a more appealing partner because she "accepted" him even when he was a mess. But the thing is, as I outlined above, not only is this not true, because Mai isn't particularly accepting. But the other thing is that changing, becoming a better person for someone else, is a good thing. Not being fixed by a relationship, but being willing to become better for the person you love. Katara may not have loved Zuko when he was a villain, but she believed he could change, and that actually is unconditional love, the right kind of unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that makes people better and doesn't come with obligations. Mai loving Zuko when he's a confused mess isn't all that impressive since his abusive father and sister also "loved" him when he was enough of a mess to be kept under their thumb. This is abuser logic. And it's even more transparent because the second Zuko stands up for himself and takes steps to become a better, happier version of himself, Mai can't stand it and refuses to listen to his reasons, and then continues to act like he'll just shut up and put up if she tells him to.

This sounds harsh but a lot of it isn't directed at Mai necessarily, who is a fictional character who suffers from being underwritten and used by writers with an agenda. But the people who make these arguments that don't seem to realize how much they reek of abuse apologism, about a character whose narrative is so much about overcoming abuse? They can absolutely shut up.

Zuko doesn't owe Mai - or anyone - anything no matter how much she loved him or for how long.

I'd also question whether she made him "happier than we've ever seen him." Half those screenshots don't even show Zuko happy. Another one is when Zuko is commiserating with Mai over "hating the world." The last one is when Zuko is surprised that Mai doesn't hate him. So much for unconditional love.

[sundragon]

That's actually a fun way to think about your nonhumanity, if you're comfortable with it (and if you aren't, you perhaps Should). I can't prove that I'm a dragon. There is no proof for an internal, subjective identity. I can't prove my gender or my species, I just experience it, and the society I'm in either affirms, denies, or is ignorant of it.

But what I *can* do, is fail to prove myself wrong. I can fail to conclude that I am not a dragon. To start with, you have to define a dragon, and since they don't physically exist this is open to interpretation. Maybe a dragon is always an internal feeling. Maybe it's a mental state. Maybe the sky is made of pudding, right? At some point, there's no point (in asking).

I can catalogue the physical sensations of scales, wings, paws, a body larger than this one. I can try to communicate draconic thought, sense, and self perception and separate it from what is human. The qualia that comes with being *anything* is a task to describe, but in particular that of a species of beast that can only mimic foreign language to bridge the gap of understanding? Fuck me.

There's still the potential that it's all a mental glitch, some combo of illness and irrational thought patterns making the baby of species dysphoria. Doesn't change a damn thing, in fact this makes room for it to grow. I'm not constrained by spiritual/magical boundaries OR psychological ones. Every atom in my body and every experience it's ever had, whether it's just here on this planet or in tandem with the cosmic dust of another one- has come together to make me this thing.

Every book I've read, ocean I've been in, every breath of cold air, every sniff of rain, and every hair that's grown through my mane has done so with the implicit understanding that this organism is not a human one. It's alive, and it follows instructions based in it's genetic code, but a body isn't just the container. You cant see my maleness, only superficial signals that are commonly agreed upon to show it. Likewise you can't see my draconity, and the signals of it are too subtle for most. I don't need to prove either one. Neither one can be experienced through external means.

As far as I can tell, my draconity is inherent to my very brain structure. Due to nature, nurture, perhaps a secret 3rd thing, all of the above. My DNA won't tell you what my gender is, my social affiliations, my sexuality, or my species identity. But all of these things build a complete person. I can't prove them false anymore than I can prove my phenotype or my height false.

So I fail to prove these things wrong, by every metric I'm aware of to test them by. There's no point in trying to figure out if I'm truly a man or truly a lion, but every day I can wake up and know that I sure as hell can't prove I'm not those things, either. They simply do not stop being what they are. They can fluctuate a bit, but all my life they've been there, and I have no reason to *assume* that they'll stop being there (that would be irrational, to expect something with no good evidence for it).

If you needed a sign to not get into epistemology, this is it. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[mdhwrites]

By far the stupidest take I've ever seen on Amphibia was someone saying that it's ending 'sided with the bad guys' by having Earth and Amphibia separated and having the Calamity Trio drift apart.

Their logic? Aldrich's line to Andrias: 'Don't you think it's time you said goodbye to those childhood friends of yours, son?' According to them, the trio accepting their separation from Amphibia and drifting apart was an agreement with Aldrich's beliefs. When I watched the show myself, I was flabbergasted by how badly this viewer had missed the point.

What Aldrich was saying to Andrias was that he should cast aside friendship entirely, because according to him, a king with the Core by his side has no need for friends, and friendship 'doesn't last.' There is no conceivable way The Hardest Thing 'agrees' with any of that. At no point during the finale is separation portrayed as the end of any friendship. Rather, an affirmation that nothing, be it distance or time, can undo the bonds we share with each other. So even if Aldrich is kinda right that friendships can't always stay the same, he's still wrong because friendship does last, whether friends remain by each other's sides or not.

I understand if peeps don't like the ending (everyone's entitled to their own opinion), but to say it 'sides with the bad guys' just because the main characters don't stay physically together comes off as completely ignoring the whole point. How do you think people misinterpret these things so wildly? Is it just out of a refusal to accept a bittersweet ending? Or do you think some viewers hold on too tightly to their ideas of how a certain story 'should' be, rather than looking at it for what it is?

So much like the "Because we saw Aldritch, we HAD to see Sasha and Marcy's parents" take (which I personally would call stupider than this), this is a take someone gets to to justify their feelings. Because your analysis is simply correct. That none of the trio, or their families, reject all connections, let alone friendship, like Aldritch wanted. They keep each other in their minds, likely found new connections and even came back to one another because they never let those bonds go. If the show sided with the villains, Anne would not be a herpetologist. PERIOD. She would not want any reminder of her friends, let alone smile fondly at a small pink frog that reminds her of one.

But let's actually talk about why stuff like this sort of argument has been on the rise. I even am victim to it because my brain will try to logic into why I like or dislike a certain thing. I literally did an entire blog about how I don't like free to play games anymore, have never liked Gacha games, and yet am probably on Honkai Star Rail's wild ride until it does something to genuinely piss me off. That blog was about me trying to explain why I felt but in the end admitting there was no reason. And you know what? That's fine. We don't always need reasons for why we like or dislike something.

But on social media, there HAS to be a reason.

(Real quick interjection for those who don't want to hear me talk about how I think social media has changed analysis: The more purely analytical issue that leads to points like this one and the one about Aldritch is that they are not asking a question. They instead have a desired point to make and work backwards from there. You are more likely to ignore evidence that doesn't support your argument like this though or purposefully misread or misrepresent situations so as to be able to use it as justification for the point you want to make. It is a conclusion that must then find a hypothesis, not a hypothesis that then derives a conclusion. Anyways, if you want the potential why for that sort of conjecture being on the rise, *gestures below*)

I blame Twitter for this MUCH more than Tumblr actually. I know there is moralizing on Tumblr but there's a reason why it's the TWITTER villain of the day that you hear about and why that term was popularized with the platform. There is a need for superiority on that platform that I don't feel like I've seen anywhere else. Not to be popular, that's different, but to be superior. To be objectively correct and the most morally correct. Outrage is not a shame to see on Twitter for many people because it doesn't mean bad news but instead the block party it celebrates every hour on the hour.

And so fandoms are stuck in kind of a hellscape where they can no longer go "This is neat!" Instead, they need to be prepared for assholes like whoever came up with this take originally going "Okay, but I don't think it's neat and I have a reason and you don't so your opinion is invalid!" So they start coming up with reasons why their show is so great! Then they get rebuttals and it quickly becomes an argument until one finds a vector that can't be refuted. This is where bringing in the real world so heavily into fandoms came from I think. It was no longer neat parallels but ways to justify their love towards haters. Ways to make it so continuing to disagree made you a morally bad person so now you have to shut up.

As a note: All of this is why I never mind if someone has blocked me without the two of us interacting. I criticize the thing they love? They don't want to see that? Good for them. PLEASE block me if you're not interested in my words. I am not here to burn entire fandoms to the ground or make you hate the thing you like. It's why I try to make my blogs useful to people from a learning perspective, not just "This thing sucks!" even if I will admit that there are plenty of times that I fail because sometimes I just need to get something off my chest.

It is not healthy for fandoms though to be stuck in this corner. To have to prove why your thing is literally the best thing on the planet. You should just be allowed to celebrate what you love and be happy for it for making you so happy.

HOWEVER, the flip side of this is that if there is a decision you disagree with... The work is no longer perfect. But you loved it so dearly so what cardinal sin did it commit? A lot of Amphibia's fandom were hurt by the bittersweet ending because they had grown so connected the characters and didn't want to let them go, even if that's part of the point of the ending. It couldn't just be something painful though. It wasn't a juicy pain like angst was after all, it was just a bitter pill to swallow. A reminder of what reality can be like sometimes. So it's time to find an answer to prove why this invalidates the ending and they're justified with saying their version, the one that makes them happy, is the correct version.

Same thing happened with Andrias/Aldritch. The fandom wanted to see the parents and grew more and more spiteful about not getting what they wanted and so concocted an argument that moralized and talked about equality so as to make them 'right'. They didn't actually think about what it was asking because it wasn't them starting with a question and ending with a goal. It was them justifying that goal ANY. MEANS. NECESSARY.

And that's just going to lead to bad analysis made in bad faith. At least, that's my theory for how we get into stuff like this.

======+++++======

Quick TOH note because... Me: This whole thing is actually probably why while it's easy to say that TOH feels like a work crafted entirely by what Tumblr thinks makes a story good, I think it's firmly a story that could only have been conceived of during the Twitter era. There's just almost too much blunt moral grandstanding about current social topics, rather than actual morality, and proving itself as better than other works for me to think otherwise.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.

I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.

If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[laiqualaurelote]

star emoji (i'm on pc) for all the men and women merely players?

thank you for this ask for fanfiction director's cut! any director's commentary for all the men and women merely players is going to be insufferably long, especially as it involves literal directors, but I'm going to focus on one of my favourite parts to write, the Hamlet chapter.

stop! Hamlet time

The first thing to know about me is that I am a massive Hamlet nerd. I've studied it academically and watched it multiple times onscreen and onstage, in multiple languages, including Chinese and Lithuanian (I do not speak Lithuanian). Hamlet is a pivotal play in the structure of this fic - it is the "turn" in the magic trick of the "pledge, turn and prestige".

There are seven past/potential Hamlets in this fic: Nate, Isaac, Colin, Dani, Sam, Jamie and Roy. Even though Nate is the one who ends up actually playing Hamlet, what I wanted to set out here is that every single one of them could have been Hamlet, a very different kind of Hamlet, and it's rather a question of when in their lives they could have played this role. Hamlet is one of those paradoxical roles where you need a ton of experience to do it well, yet by the time you gain that experience you might be considered too old (textual clues indicate Hamlet is in his 30s). There are exceptions, of course: Ben Whishaw played Hamlet at 23, Ian McKellen at 84. I imagine Roy played Hamlet before he was ready, when he did not fully understand the role; Sam, similarly, is too young here and Jamie too immature. This is why the role eventually goes to Nate, who intrinsically understands Hamlet best of anyone in the company because of his own existential self-hatred. The one thing he lacks - and that Roy and Jamie have in abundance - is the main character syndrome that Hamlet possesses. He gains this in later chapters, but his insecurity around it leads to disaster. Anyway, my point is that there is no such thing as a single perfect Hamlet because all the Hamlets are valid.

The title of this chapter is "a little more than kin, and less than kind", which is the first line Hamlet speaks in the play. He's using it as a veiled insult of his mother's abrupt marriage to his uncle so soon after his father's death. This chapter deals very heavily with kin - in the sense of family ties, especially parental ones - and kind, in the sense of kindness but also in the sense of being like one another, of the same kind. I think a lot about how Shakespeare is performed, and what kinds of people get to perform Shakespeare, and this chapter explores that.

We open with Nate's dream of playing Anita in West Side Story (a nod to show canon), mixed with his memory of what he perceives as his father's rejection of him. (This is one of the earliest scenes I wrote for this fic, before we got more of an insight into Nate's actual relationship with his father, which was a lot less antagonistic than many of us anticipated). The epigraph to this chapter is from Gertrude to Hamlet: "Do not for ever with thy vailed lids/ Seek for thy noble father in the dust". This is what Nate is doing in this fic, and Ted, and Trent, and Jamie - whether they intend to or not, they've all got their heads down, seeking their fathers in the dust.

Used to be I didn’t know fuck-all about Shakespeare. Where I come from, if you talked about shit like that, they’d rip the piss out of you. I’d have done it myself. I got into a lot of fights back then. Someone’s trying to vex me, I beat the shit out of them. Sometimes I just get so mad and I don’t know where to make it go. You know? Nah, you don’t. Not by the looks of you. I’d probably have beat the shit out of you back then, if I’m honest. 

This is Monologue No. 5, Isaac's (the monologues are numbered after the number each player wears in the show). The difference between a monologue and a soliloquy is that a monologue is a speech by a single character, but there may be others onstage; in a soliloquy that character is alone. ('To be or not to be' is strictly speaking not a soliloquy but a monologue, as there are other characters eavesdropping on Hamlet). The four monologues in this chapter all allude to Trent as the invisible, silent listener. In contrast, Jamie delivers Soliloquy No. 9 because he is truly alone.

Cry ‘Havoc’, and let slip the dogs of war. Well that’s fucking epic, Miss Jameela, I said. Well why don’t you take a look at the rest of it, she said. And when I spoke the words out loud it was like something I could pour my rage into. Nothing fancy about it. It were right on. Turned all that anger into something to lend your ears to.

Isaac's entry point to Shakespeare is Antony's speech in Julius Caesar. This was a parallel I had initially intended to give to Roy, who has a clear affinity for Shakespeare's soldier characters, but after Isaac's captain speech in Sunflowers, I realised it should go to him. Isaac, like Roy, has rage issues, which he learns to channel into his acting; like Roy, he comes from a working-class background (I imagine them both being from council estates in South London) and came to acting through community theatre, which is under threat in the UK today because of funding cuts (Christopher Eccleston wrote movingly about this after the closure of the Oldham Coliseum, which was where actors like Bernard Cribbins got their start).

I’m no orator, yeah? Just a plain blunt man that loves his friends.

This is nearly word-for-word what Antony says in his speech at Caesar's funeral, which ironically demonstrates that he is a skilled orator - he deliberately casts himself as "plain" and "blunt" against Brutus' sophistry and succeeds in alienating his opponent in the audience's eyes. This leadership quality of Antony's is reflective of Isaac's own captaincy style - he's a "plain blunt man that loves his friends", even if he can't bring himself to tell them in so many words, and that is how he keeps his team together.

Nate contemplates this. It’s not exactly that they’re short on skulls in the apocalypse. Probably be easier than making one out of papier-mâché, which he’s had to do for a lot of their less scavengeable props, and which is a bit trickier when you have to make your own glue. The problem, of course, is getting the flesh off. How long would you have to boil human bone to get it clean? Beard probably knows. Nate should check with him.

This is morbid - but also, I assure you, a completely accurate depiction of how single-minded props people can be.

Colin strikes a pose with his imaginary skull. “Alas poor Yorick! I knew his fellatio.”

This was an actual piece of graffiti I once saw etched above a fly floor.

I only figured it out when we did Twelfth Night in sixth form. It was an all boys’ school, so some of us had to do the girl roles. I got Viola, the lead. Thought that was tidy. Only at the end I had to kiss the boy playing Orsino. 

Colin's monologue is based on a real anecdote, but in reverse; I knew someone who played Orsino in a mixed school, so he had to make out repeatedly with the girl playing Viola and it did absolutely nothing for him and that was how he discovered he was gay.

It’s funny that we’re doing this now. You a journalist, and me telling you all this. I fantasised about it sometimes, you know, telling everyone. I had nightmares about it. Could’ve gone on not saying anything after the world ended, but then I figured, if I might die any moment, I want to die having lived as a whole person.

I did not think I could top Colin's coming-out scene in the show, so I chose to let it have already happened in this AU. (I then retroactively decided it took place during the one and only time the Richmond Players performed Chekhov.) In contrast, it's implied that Trent still hadn't come out prior to the apocalypse, and that he is inspired to do so to Colin here.

“If he’d just made up his mind earlier it could all have been over by Act Two,” Roy is saying. “Macbeth would’ve done it. Othello would’ve done it. Fuck, even Romeo would’ve knocked Claudius off before making a puppet show about it.” “But that’s why they’re tragedies, you see,” Trent argues. “They’re all in the wrong story. Hamlet wouldn’t have killed Desdemona, or assumed Juliet was dead based on hearsay.”

I am quite fond of "the tropes are hungry and the hero is in the wrong goddamn story" discourse. There's no point complaining that Hamlet the play is too long and the hero needs to make up his mind. He can't, because he's Hamlet! that's the tragedy.

When I was a boy, there was this travelling theatre company that went around the vecindades, and they performed Shakespeare in the courtyards. We sat on our doorsteps and watched them. In the last scene they threw a big party, and they knocked on all the neighbours’ doors and brought them out to dance. I thought, if this is what theatre is like, then theatre is life!

The play in Dani's monologue is based on the vecindades staging of Othello by Arturo Ramírez and Martín López Cruz (an anachronistic reference, since it took place in Mexico City in 1988, meaning that Dani would not actually have been alive to see it). I'm fascinated by this particular site-specific staging because it was so calibrated for the vecindades, literally bringing the action to their doorstep - it was a staging that drew on the sense of community in these multi-family dwellings but also implicated said community in the tragedy, because they all ended up witnesses to Desdemona's murder. (A headcanon for this AU is that Dani played Desdemona opposite Sharon in the Richmond Players's gender-bent version of Othello).

On the one hand, Dani is the least likely candidate among the seven, because he is fundamentally too cheerful to play Hamlet. On the other hand, I think he would have turned the entire thing into a telenovela, which I for one would have loved to see.

“If your director, your lead actor and your stage manager are in a burning house right before your show is about to start, who do you save first?” Trent hazards: “The lead actor?” “Exactamundo, Aureliano Segundo! By the time the show’s about to go on, you don’t need the director any more, and your stage manager can take care of themself, or they wouldn’t be your stage manager.”

Again, a joke I've heard among production managers (who are always joking about disasters because a big part of their job is crisis prevention) but one that also reveals how what Ted views as a show of confidence might be interpreted by Nate as hurtful neglect. Also, a One Hundred Years of Solitude reference! No reason, I just always have Aureliano Segundo on the mind.

Did you know that the first recorded performance of Hamlet took place in Africa? English sailors performed it off the coast of Sierra Leone. Some people don’t believe this.

The earliest recorded performance of Hamlet was allegedly in 1607 on board an East India Company ship, The Dragon, lying off the coast of Sierra Leone, though the authenticity of the record has been called into question by some scholars. It would, however, have been performed at the Globe earlier in the 1600s. It's just interesting to think of the already-global nature of the play, even in its infancy, and of Shakespeare as a cultural accessory to colonialism.

I thought you have to sound British when you do Shakespeare, so I tried to do this RP accent, like I heard on BBC. And it was so bad. My father was helping me film the tape and he had this look on his face. I said “Daddy, I got to do it like this. They got to know I can play their roles the way they want.” And he said, “No, Samuel. You got to let them know that the way they want is your way.” So I did the monologue in my own accent, and we sent in that tape. And I got in.

Accent work in theatre is a sensitive subject that is quite close to my heart (though I live in the UK, I'm not British and don't have an English accent, which is something I'm always conscious of). Also: what does a decolonial approach to Shakespeare look like? Is it even possible? Is that what Sam's doing here? Questions, questions.

The fandom discourse around accents was also at the forefront of my mind when I was working on this chapter, because of an ask I had received about writing Jamie's POV - the asker was (rightly) concerned about how I would be depicting the Mancunian accent, as many in fandom were phoneticising it, which is considered offensive. This chapter contains five distinct character voices and for each one I listened to/read multiple sources to find subtle ways to depict the unique elements of that voice accurately and respectfully.

People always assume I want to play Othello. And I mean it is a great role, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to do Othello. I don’t want to do Aaron. I want the roles that everyone is up for. I want to do Hamlet. I want to do Romeo. I want to do Lear.

This is, IRL, what Toheeb Jimoh is doing! He's played Romeo, he's playing Hal in Henry IV, I can't wait to see what he takes on next.

This is also a complete coincidence (I conceptualised this chapter before S3E7 aired) but Nonso Anozie, who plays Sam's father Ola, holds the Guinness World Record for the youngest actor to play King Lear professionally, aged 23 in a 2002 RSC production. That's why I made Lear the favourite play of Ola in this AU, and had Sam make the (otherwise quite off-beat) choice of Cordelia's monologue for his RADA audition tape.

You know, when Orlando first comes onstage, he is talking about his father, who is dead. I don’t know if you could tell, the first night when you saw me in the role, but I almost could not do it. I almost could not speak those lines, because I do not know if they are true.

While it is left open-ended in the fic if Sam's parents are still alive, I like to think that they are. I like to think that he makes it back to Nigeria eventually - perhaps even soon after his successful run as Hamlet in the fic's epilogue, when international ship travel is revealed to be back on the cards - and that he sees them again.

“Am I a coward?” says Nate softly. [...] “Who calls me villain?” It is as if Nate is outside himself, his mouth speaking words unbidden, his nerveless fingers letting the book fall. “Breaks my pate across? Plucks off my beard, and blows it in my face? Tweaks me by the nose? Gives me the lie i' the throat, as deep as to the lungs – who does me this?”

When I was watching Nate's villain arc in S2, these lines from Hamlet blazed across my mind, and from that moment on I always subconsciously associated Nate with Hamlet, but a Hamlet who loathes himself to a nigh paralysing degree. Nate may fancy himself a villain of Richard III's ilk, but he simply does not have the evil chops. He's just insecure, indecisive, prone to seeing insult when there is none.

He’s watching himself now. He’s standing across from himself as he delivers the lines seared into his brain, fascinated and horrified. He watches his own throat work, sees the spit fly, feels it strike beneath his eye and roll down his cheek like a tear.

Mirrors are significant in Hamlet - it is, after all, the play that gave rise to the idea of art holding a mirror up to nature - and I wanted to find a parallel for Nate's ritual of spitting at his reflection, which was hard, because mirrors are not abundant in a post-apocalyptic AU. I found the answer in a stage direction from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, in which Hamlet spits at the audience, then wipes his face as if his spit has been blown back at him by the wind.

Nate's flashback to what really happened with his parents fills in the blanks for the reader - his father pushing him away wasn't rejection, but his last act of love for Nate. And Nate knows rationally that there was nothing he could have done to save them, but he will always be haunted by having been the one to walk away.

A terrible emotion swamps Nate's chest. A little more than hope, and less than fear. “The play’s the thing,” he says.

"A little more than hope, and less than fear" is a callback to the chapter title "a little more than kin, and less than kind".

The full line that Hamlet says is "The play's the thing/ Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king." He's conceived a play-within-a-play to prove Claudius' guilt and provide him with the impetus to actualise this revenge business.

Throughout this chapter, the question of whether a play is "real" or "not real" comes up repeatedly - Colin: "I was scared of what it meant if it wasn’t acting. If it was real"; Dani: "And they say, but that is not true. Theatre is only pretend"; Sam: "Maybe one day I will see him again. And all this will only have been lines in a play". And of course a play isn't real, a play is only pretend. Ted Lasso isn't real. This fic isn't real. But that's not to say they're not holding up a mirror to our reality, the reflections in which have the power to affect us and shape us and change us in very real ways. That's the thing about plays. The play's the thing.

[dadddybangtan]

Suck Torture | 18+

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cw: smut(!), cvm play, overstim, unprotected s3x, mentions of s3x toys, mentions of self h^rm

word count: 3k

I felt his cold lips peck my forehead through my hair and I shivered even more than I did before. I felt so weak, but I wanted nothing more than to disappear underneath his protection.

"I promise." He said with brooding strength in his voice.

He cradled my head in his chest as my tears failed to stop. My life had been threatened more times than I was comfortable admitting at the time. Falling from that window made me believe that it was truly the end. And the only one who could save me actually did. He was right there, holding my almost-naked body.

"Hyunjin," Taehyun whispered, "I think you should take Beomgyu home tonight while Yeonjun and I fix the room."

"Are you sure?" Hyunjin asked.

I was asking the same thing as I didn't understand why I couldn't be there.

"Yeah, I think it's better for him to be with you right now... Sure you sent Felix away, but there's no guarantee that he's actually gone."

That line put an anxious thought in my head. Felix will always be lurking. Perhaps one is likely to try harder when there's nothing to lose (not even a life) and everything to gain.

"You're right," Hyunjin squeezed my arm, "Are you sure you're okay?"

I lifted my head up to look at Taehyun. He silently nodded.

"I'll take care of him."

Taehyun was entirely right about sending me to Hyunjin's house. I felt so safe in Hyunjin's dark, candlelit room and big soft bed. I lied down immediately and Hyunjin joined. We were facing each other and he looked at me with only kindness in his eyes. For once, he didn't seem so distracted or preoccupied. He was completely focused on me.

"You're so intense." I said quietly.

"I don't mean to be. Intensity is in my DNA."

I chuckled at his charming joke. Despite that, I knew he was serious. He only ever cracked a few jokes around me and they were sandwiched between some of the most traumatic moments we've shared together. He was twisted. That's why I liked him so much.

"I wish I could know what's going on inside that head of yours. I can only get words and scattered phrases, never a full thought."

"Well, I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age. I've been off my meds since I ran away," I admitted, "So honestly, I wish I could read my mind too... And I wish..."

I trailed off as my eyes fell from his eyes to his lips. They were full, pink and alluring.

"You wish?"

"I wish I knew why you liked me."

And his lips spread into the most comforting and endearing smile, hiding his deep red eyes from view a tad.

"I like you because you're good. You're good and pure. You're beautiful," He grabbed my hand and interlocked his cold fingers with mine, "And you give me something I could never give myself in a million years."

"What's that?"

"Your warmth." He said as he kissed the back of my hand.

That was the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me. And to make it more romantic, I actually believed him. Even if he was lying, I would've been able to take that and pat myself on the back with it. He's right whether it's true or not.

"Last night, Beomgyu, something happened in the kitchen. It's a bit of a long story, but," He said as he slowly separated his hand from mine and held his palm up to show a rough, reddish mark, "I did this because I was craving your warmth. Craving you."

Sirens and alarms went off in my head. To say he was craving me wasn't the best choice of words considering the events of the last few days. My gaze trailed down his arm to notice that he failed to mention the clear bite mark on his wrist.

"Excuse me?"

"Not like that. I meant I wanted to hold you. Like how I'm doing now."

I stared at his mildly burned palm until he lowered it to a comfortable spot on my chest.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it didn't hurt that badly."

"No, Hyunjin, are you okay," I pressed, "You shouldn't hurt yourself..."

His face fell. He avoided eye contact for a moment while he circled his middle finger around a spot on my chest. He was thinking, calculating. Until he looked back up at me.

"I guess you're right."

"You've saved my life three times, Hyunjin. Don't forget to save yourself sometimes too."

His eyes bounced between mine and my lips. That was until he nuzzled the icy tip of his nose to my nose and flirted his lips onto me. They were soft and pillowy, perfectly pressing into my lips. I closed my eyes and focused only on the sensation of his kiss. I centered my senses on the delicate touch.

Suddenly my body completely surrendered to him. The hand that rested on my chest snuck it's way to my neck and tugged lightly on my hair. Our kisses became deeper as I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him closer to me. He softly sucked on my bottom lip, but I winced at the feeling of his fangs.

"I-I'm sorry, did that hurt?" He asked.

"Only a little bit... I've never made out with someone like you."

"I've never made out with someone like you either," He swiped a strand of hair from my forehead, "Someone whose mind I couldn't read."

"Does it matter that much?"

"I don't know what you want from me, Beomgyu."

Oh. I was beginning to understand his logic. For centuries, he'd been the perfect partner because of his powers. He was romantically, platonically and even sexually flawless. All of a sudden, he was powerless against me. He was just as clueless as me when it came to the other's pleasure and desires. And honestly, his vulnerability got to me, making my heart beat faster and harder.

"Then just kiss me and let me take the lead."

His face, that was once so shy and unsure, glowed after I said that. He kissed me deeply, fangs muffled by his soft lips. I hummed in satisfaction before turning Hyunjin to his backside and toppling him.

I snuck my hands behind his neck and played with his long, black hair. He hummed into my lips and the soft, seductive sound had butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I sank my body into his even more. That's when I felt the throbbing bulge between his legs.

He put his arms on my back, fingertips pressing threw the fabric of my shirt.

"Do you want me as much as I want you," He asked, sliding his hands down my back and resting at my hips, "Because I really want you, Beomgyu."

"I do." I said as I dragged my hands to the neckline of his sweater.

Before I knew it, his hands were unbuttoning my pants and I was lifting up his sweater. I sat up and looked down at his pale, sculpted abdomen. Tracing my fingers along the grooves of his stomach, I felt my dick harden in my pants. I was silently begging him to remove them faster. So I tore his sweater over his head to reveal his bare chest.

I let my fingers explore his body, the chill heightening my senses. Hyunjin grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips.

"How do you want me, Beomgyu," He asked as he kissed my fingertips, "Something tells me I'm not as flexible as you are."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I think you're a switch," He grabbed my wrist and pulled me down so my face was hovering over his, "And I'm not."

"Maybe you can read my mind."

He smirked as he gently cradled me under him in a seamless move. He kissed me from my lips to my cheek, jaw and neck until he got to the collar of my shirt. All the while he was using one hand to tug my pants off.

"But," I said breathlessly, "It's been a while... So, I just-."

"I'll be gentle."

He successfully pulled my pants off and revealed my hard-on in my underwear. it was a vulnerable place to be in, half naked under him. And there wasn't a hint of regret. When his cold fingers traced up my thighs, I felt my body tense.

"But you have to relax," He whispered, kissing my thighs and inching closer and closer to my cock, "And trust me."

Hyunjin's lips met the hem of my underwear. His skin ship was teasing me so intensely, I thought I was going to explode. Then again, it'd been so long since I'd been touched like that.

"I trust you." My voice shook with anticipation.

He kissed my clothed shaft until he reached the tip before sliding down my underwear. He stared longingly at my dick. I saw his mouth twitch in want. I just said that I trusted him, but I didn't trust him not to hurt me during a blow job.

He slipped my length in his mouth, swallowing me without me feeling any sharpness. All I felt was his lips and tongue. And eventually the back of his throat. I gasped at the feeling.

"Fuck," I moaned, combing my hand through Hyunjin's hair to keep his head steady, "Stay right there."

And he did, letting my tip slide in and out of his throat. My hips bucked up and my grip on him lightened so he could breathe. I was gasping for air myself. His mouth was the most pleasurable organ my sex had felt in so long. I was left whimpering when he finally let up.

"Was that okay?" He asked with a perfect combination of sensual innocence.

"Mhm." I moaned.

"Can you reach under your pillow?" He asked.

I reached my hand up until it ran into a small bottle. It seemed I pulled out a very fancy bottle of lube. It was shaped like a human heart with a dark red tint on the glass. He took it from my hand and popped it open.

"Hyunjin, can I tell you something?" I asked as I watched him lube up his index and middle fingers.

"Of course."

"When I first came over, I opened one of your drawers."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah... And I saw those glass anal beads."

He chuckled lowly, using his dry hand to brush his hair back from his pretty face. God, he's gorgeous.

"So what? Do you wanna use them?" His question was serious and flirtatious.

"Not yet... Right now, I just want you."

He snuck his lubed fingers to my hole and traced the sensitive circle. I was quickly realizing how good it felt for him to touch me and how my body reacted so naturally to that supernatural human. His eyes trailed up my body, taking in my wet, throbbing cock.

"You're practically drooling."

"My apologies, is it not attractive," He asked cutely, slowly sliding his finger tip inside me, "Your body is perfect, I can't help but salivate."

His spit slicked my ass even more, but the praise is what melted me around his finger. I whimpered and whined as he steadily pumped his finger inside me.

"S-say it again. Please." I begged helplessly.

"Say what," He smirked, bringing his free hand to my dick and stroking it confidently, "That your body is so perfect, I think it was made for me? You were made for me to make love to."

"Fuck." My voice shook on the stimulation.

His finger penetrated deep enough to massage the most erogenous spot inside. Paired with his stroking, I was reaching my climax quicker than I had anticipated.

"H-hyunjin," I squirmed a bit, gripping the sheets at my sides, "I'm s-so close."

With that he quickened the pace of his stroking and eased another finger inside me. He fingered me so perfectly, fast enough to get me off yet slow enough not to tear the sensitive skin. Just when my pleasure was at its peak and my moans became more desperate, he wrapped his mouth around the tip of my cock. His tongue licked and sucked on the tip while he hand rubbed the shaft.

Overwhelmed with pleasurable stimulation, my body jerked and twitched uncontrollably. My moans filled the room, my legs were shaking and my vision was blurred from the sensation.

"I'm gonna cum." I muttered between moans.

And I shamelessly let my orgasm fill his mouth. It was the release I needed from all the madness around me. It kind of baffled me that Hyunjin, of all people, was the one to relieve the stress. At that moment, I questioned how we ended up there. How I went from an insufferable human, to the warmth he didn't know he was looking for. Though it happened to me in real time, I couldn't fathom the possibility of us being intimate like that.

He took his hand off of my dick and took down his pants while his other hand occupied my ass. He gently spread his fingers and loosened me up even more. His pants and underwear were finally off and his long, veiny cock got comfortable between my legs. Hyunjin spit the cum from his mouth onto his hand and stroked his dick.

"You don't mind me fucking your cum back into you, do you?" He asked so casually.

"I don't mind," My hoarse voice whispered as I reached my hand to his chest, "I just want you.”

I was ready for him and whatever he had to give me. He used his fingers to guide his dick inside me. I felt my hole stretch to his size and I grabbed onto his arms for leverage.

"Relax, Beomgyu," He said, crimson eyes piercing through his long, black hair, "Let your body get used to me."

With that I did what he said. I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. It quickly became easier to penetrate deeper. And it felt so fucking good. The slow insertion allowed me to feel every pulsing vein and twitch. He took his time thrusting into me. Every push and every pull fulfilled desires I didn't know I had. It felt right to be full of only him.

After getting to a comfortable heartbeat pace, he lowered his chest to mine and hovered his face over me. He slipped his arm under my neck and held me close. I held him too with my hands on his back. I faintly felt a rough texture line the space of his back. I didn't question it, I just held him as he made love to me.

"You feel so good." He panted, resting his forehead on mine.

"So do you." I moaned.

His pace quickened. My moans got louder and more desperate, but I could tell that he liked it. He growled into my lips. That was the first time I didn't mistake his lust for me with hunger. Even when he let up from my lips, winced at the pleasure and exposed his fangs, I trusted him.

I brushed his hair from his face as he pounded into me. He looked so beautiful. His eyebrows were pulled together in want and he wanted me. He didn't break eye contact with me. He was throbbing inside me, I could tell he was close to climax.

"Beomgyu," He gasped, "Can I finish inside you?"

I nodded. Hyunjin thrusted in me even harder. My hoarse voice only got worse with how vocal he made me. The closer he got, the more desperate he looked. He rested his head in the nape of my neck, clearly letting his dick control his body. He was fucking me relentlessly and it felt so damn good.

"I fucking love you, Beomgyu." He groaned as cum filled my asshole.

My heart was pounding but I couldn't tell of it was a result of having sex or hearing him confess that to me. It was probably both, but the latter worried me. And I was only worried because that was such a loaded thing to say in the heat of the moment.

He pulled out of me and rested on my heaving chest for a moment before laying down beside me. He kissed my shoulder and wrapped his arm over me, still panting.

"Are you alright?" He breathed out.

"You love me?"

"Oh, you heard that?"

"That sounds like a 'no.'"

He grabbed my chin and made me face him. I couldn't resist his gorgeous face that had his hair plastered to his forehead by sweat.

"I do love you, Beomgyu," He said seriously, "I always have. That's not just something I say when I have sex. I mean it... But I am sorry that that was the first time you heard it."

"It's okay. Because I love you too," A sweet, close-lipped smile graced his face, "But I love Taehyun too."

"I know you do. And that's okay. I'm not in love with Taehyun, but I do like him a lot. Especially with you."

"How are you and him so cool about these things? Why am I the only one whose nervous about this kind of relationship?"

"It's okay to be nervous. But, frankly, I don't think you have to be. We love you. Let us love you."

I curled into Hyunjin's body and he held me in his arms. I silently wished that Taehyun was with us, but I knew he was a lot more prudish than Hyunjin and I. But if he had been there to hold me as well, it would've felt even better. Naturally, I just assumed that we would have our time together soon.

"All of this love talk makes me think though."

"Think of what, my love?" He asked.

"Don't you think one day you'll get tired of saving me?"

"Oh, Beomgyu, I could never get tired of saving you. As long as I can, I will," He kissed my forehead, "I love you."

[commsroom]

when it comes down to it, however much i think about eiffel's memory, whatever my reasoning might be, i think there's a much simpler core explanation for why i feel the way i do. i've said before that, if eiffel did regain his memory, i would want it to happen through 'an eiffel version of change of mind' i.e. a personal inner journey where the narrative he tells himself amounts to some greater reminder, self-confrontation, and self-realization. and that's just it:

eiffel regaining his memory wouldn't be a cop out to me for the same reason that lovelace not actually dying isn't a cop out: it's not just a story beat, it's a catalyst for character development & a better understanding of lovelace as a person. eiffel has spent his whole life trying not to be the person he is, and i just don't feel wolf 359 is the type of story to let him off the hook for that, when the ending is as much about accountability (to ourselves and to others and all the ways those responsibilities overlap) as it is about hope. i think there are ways you could argue that eiffel can still be eiffel without regaining his memory, but i think i've convinced myself that the symbolic resurrection / self-confrontation and acceptance of all the people he's been in the past, in order to move forward, is the more compelling option, especially for what it parallels, and the "eiffel is still eiffel" part is non-negotiable. it doesn't even feel like a question to me.

(and it makes the most sense to me in the context of eiffel's survivor's guilt - "of course i was fine. the driver's always fine." - and tendency towards a type of self-sacrifice and self-punishment that the show ultimately denies him / that doesn't address his real problem. he thinks sacrificing himself for the people he cares about will make up for something, but it won't. having him make that sacrifice and then keep living and keep being doug eiffel, with everything that means, feels like the natural extension of constructive criticism.)

in another story, or in a more theoretical context, there are all kinds of questions you could ask about whether eiffel's memory loss means he's a different person now, but in this case... i think it's better understood in narrative terms and what it represents for him as a character than any broader philosophical conclusion about the nature of the self and human consciousness. (and it is in no way as absolute as people sometimes behave like it is, considering he still has a concept of, like... everything. but that's a whole other topic of discussion.) most importantly, i just don't believe wolf 359 is a story about ideas as much as it is a story about people, these people, and in order to (hypothetically) continue to tell a story about doug eiffel, well. he has to still be doug eiffel. one way or another.

[scarysanctuary]

The first three episodes I found Ed's struggle extremely relatable, hard to watch, and upsetting, but with a little time I was eventually able to process it, and analyze what happened, and the trauma he's gone through. But, you know who i can barely allow myself to think about right now? Izzy. I acknowledge i am biased, but i cant even imagine the amount of pain he is in by the end of episode 3. Ed and Stede knew each other for a fraction of the time that Izzy and Ed knew each other. He's dedicated most of his life to this man who ended up abusing him, belittling him, and essentially tried to kill him, but despite that, Izzy was not able to end Eds life, it wasn't until the crews lives were in danger that he finally allowed Ed to be "put down" without intervening. Even though he didn't kill Ed himself, the amount of guilt he must feel for letting the love of his life be killed right before his eyes, unable to protect him, for having been unable to stop Eds erratic moods in the first place, having been unable to make him happy, and in general, was not enough for Ed, when Ed was all that Izzy ever needed. He's a failure in every way that matters to him. Now, imagine the amount of agony he must be in, loyalty to Ed has been such a big part of Izzy's character, and probably even a measure of his self worth is found in his ability to stick by the greatest pirate ever known, and having the mental fortitude to wade through all the hardship that comes with that. i fully believe that without Edward, Izzy isn't certain of who he is. (Stede is Ed's lighthouse, and Ed is Izzy's anchor) He's an unmoored ship at this point. I've always felt like Izzy's real job is less about being a pirate and more about being Ed's protector specifically. And if Ed's dead, then he doesn't have a job anymore and for someone like Izzy, who is always focused on work and doing it properly, if he has no job, he has no purpose; his life is already over. We saw him attempt to end his life, whether it was because of the emotional or physical pain, its clear that he is dealing with suicidal thoughts, and that breaks my heart.

But the real part I'm struggling with is the way that Ed and Izzy differ in how their suicidal thoughts are exemplified. Ed was showing everyone just how bad it was, he was abusing and scaring everyone, until of course it all manifests in that final ride into the storm, where its clear he's serious, its very loud, and ostentatious, and he's begging for an end, or even help, if possible. But Izzy, Izzy keeps it to himself, he drinks alone, he cries silent tears, and when the others do see him cry, he tries to brush it off as if its not happening at all. He doesn't seek comfort from others or from warm soup, he doesn't attempt to hurt others, he curls up in on himself, and tells Stede "Go on Bonnet, give me your worst" fully expecting to be further abused, rather than empathized with. on top of it all, he's also a heartbroken man, who now fully understands that Stede and Ed are actually in love, and all these years, he never had a chance. Despite all that turmoil inside, he doesn't make a show of his trauma, or how broken he is, he doesn't make it as plainly clear as Ed did, that he actually does need help, he does need love, he doesn't even try because he doesn't think he would receive any, nor does he think he deserves it. To me there's nothing sadder than someone suffering in silence while surrounded by people that could and would help if asked. Izzy has instead put himself in a box away from others, and all I want is for him to get to a place where he can accept the love that is exactly what he needs, rather than being loved as best as one can.

[telltale-apologist]

Okay, I've got a lot to get through and not a lot of time

And I feel like you weren't hearing me before

So here it goes

I know Hell's population is out of control

It's a bad situation

It's taking a toll

If we rehab these Sinners

And cleanse all their souls

At my Hazbin Hotel

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself!

Right! Extermination!

I know you guys fly down

Just to kill once a year

And it must be annoying

To schlep all the way here

If they join you in Heaven

That trip disappears!

You can wave that chore farewell

It'll be a happy day in he-

Let me stop you right there

Oh

Save us all precious time

Okay

If what you're suggesting

Is letting them climb

Up the ladder

Oh, they'd rather cross the Pearly Gates?

Well, uh

Sorry, sweetie

But there's no defyin' their fates!

'Cause Hell is forever

Whether you like it or not

Had their chance to behave better

Now they boil in the pot

'Cause the rules are black and white

There's no use in tryin' to fight it

They're burnin' for their lives

Until we kill 'em again!

Okay, but

Just try to chillax, babe

You're wasting your breath

Did I hear you imply

That they don't deserve death?

Are they Winners?

Are they Sinners?

'Cause it's cut and dry

Well, actually, if you take a look

Fair is fair, an eye for an eye!

And when all's said and done (said and done)

There's the question of fun (fun)

And for those of us with Divine Ordainment

Extermination is entertainment!

Bow-now-now-nownow

Guitar solo, fuck yeah!

Oh, da-ah-ah now-now-n-now-n-now-n-now-n-nownownow

Ugh

Hell is forever

Whether you like it or not

Had their chance to behave better (where the Hell did you people come from?)

Now they boil in the pot

'Cause the rules are black and white

There's no use in tryin' to fight it

They're burnin' for their lives

Until we kill 'em again!

Fuckin' Hell's forever

And it's meant to suck a lot

So give up your dumb endeavor

'Cause you don't have a shot!

Long as I've got your attention

I guess I should probably mention

That we made the determination

To move up the next Extermination!

What?

Can't wait a whole year

To slaughter those little cunts

I know it's just been a week

But we'll be back in six months!

Um, wait, didn't you

Ugh, shit!

Charlie!

You don't understand

Heaven never listens

They didn't listen to me, they won't listen to you

You don't know that!

I do!

You didn't know that when I tried this all before

My dreams were too hard to defend

And in the end I won't lose it all again

Now you're the only thing worth fighting for

More than anything

More than anything

I'll shelter and adore you more than anything

Dad, I don't need you to protect me from this

I just don't want you to be crushed by them like

Like I was

Dad

When I was young, I didn't really know you at all

I always felt so small

But I heard your stories and I was enthralled

The tales about your lofty dreams, I listened breathlessly

Imagining it could be me

So in the end, it's the view I had of you

That showed me dreams can be worth fighting for

More than anything

More than anything

I need to save my people more than anything

I've been dying to find out who you are

I've been waiting, wanting the same thing

Looks like the apple doesn't fall far

Took you a while (I've missed that smile)

All that I'm hopin', now that my eyes are open

Is that we can start again

Not be pulled apart again

'Cause in the end, you are part of who I am

I'll support your dream whatever lies in store

(And who could ask for more?)

More than anything (more than anything)

More than anything (more than anything)

I'm grateful you're my daughter (I'm grateful you're my father)

More than anything

More than anything

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Silver Dorm Uniform Personal Story: Part 2

"I feel uneasy."

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)

[Diasomnia Dorm – Lounge]

―After school

Silver: Hello, Kalim, and Jamil, too. I'm grateful you came all this way.

Kalim: Of course I'd come, especially for a friend! Right, Jamil?

Jamil: What do you mean, "right"? You're the one who dragged me here.

Jamil: …Well, whatever. So, I heard you had a favor to ask of Kalim. What is it about?

Silver: I just have this request. I want…

Silver: I want you to teach me how to have more facial expressions.

Jamil/Kalim: Huh?/Eh?

Jamil: Umm, why do you want to do such a thing?

Silver: You see―

Jamil: …I understand now. Your classmates said that it was difficult to approach you because they couldn't read your facial expressions, hm.

Jamil: Well, I guess it can't be said that your expressions are easy to read, honestly.

Silver: So, you think so too.

Silver: Due to my lack of facial expressions, it seems I've been unknowingly a bother to those around me.

Silver: That is why I'd like to better myself. Would you help me?

Kalim: You're a good guy, Silver, and I don't think you're hard to approach at all, but…

Kalim: If you're wanting help, then I'll help. And of course, Jamil will too!

Jamil: Really… Kalim won't listen at all once he gets started. Fine, I'll help too, but don't expect too much out of me.

Silver: Kalim, Jamil… Thank you both.

Silver: I'll get right down to it. How does Kalim always show his feelings?

Kalim: Eh, even if you ask me how…

Kalim: Hmm, show my feelings… show my feelings… The thing I always keep in mind is…

Silver: What you keep in mind is…?

Kalim: ―I tried to think up something, but there's not really anything in particular! Ahahah!

Jamil: You've always been then that kind of guy…

Silver: I see. So that means that Kalim's face moves naturally without having to think about it.

Silver: It would be great if I could reach his level…

Kalim: Don't you think you're thinking too hard, Silver?

Kalim: When you're happy or sad… As long as you know how you feel in that moment, it'll show on your face.

Silver: I see… So, that means I have to focus on "how I feel in that moment."

Silver: Thank you for the useful advice, Kalim. I'll attempt it right away.

Kalim: Yeah! So, how are you feeling right now?

Silver: I feel uneasy, thinking of whether I will be to change my facial expression well.

Jamil: Yeah, that'll happen. Okay, so try to show that emotion.

Kalim: Try to change your expression, thinking, "This sucks～!"

Silver: Right. Then, here I go.

Silver: An uneasy feeling, an uneasy feeling...

Silver: …

Jamil/Kalim: …

Silver: How was that?

Jamil/Kalim: Eh?

Jamil: Oh, were you going for a troubled look just now?

Kalim: I thought you hadn't even started yet. Ahahah, it didn't change at all!

Silver: I felt I was actually doing it, though… This is harder than I expected.

Kalim: I thought that'd work, too～ Jamil, you got any other ideas?

Jamil: Hm, let me think… What about if you practice moving your fascial muscles?

Jamil: For example, try keeping a smile on your face.

Silver: I see. Muscles will weaken if not used constantly.

Silver: Perhaps my facial muscles have not gone through enough training, that is why they don't move well…

Silver: However, I was not able to move my facial muscles the way I wanted earlier, either. How am I supposed to train them up…?

Jamil: Maybe you should start by pulling up your cheeks with your fingers and making a smile?

Silver: I suppose I could try that method. Alright, let me try it.

Silver: Pull up my cheeks with my fingers, make a smile…

Silver: …...

Silver: …Urk!

Kalim: Eh, Silver? Why're you contorting your face like that all of a sudden!?

Silver: It felt I was about to pull a cheek muscle…

Jamil: You really don't use your facial muscles that much, do you…

Sebek: ―Hey, Silver. Why are you doing?

Silver: Hm? Oh, Sebek.

Jamil: It looks like the other Diasomnia students have returned…

Jamil: We shouldn't overstay our welcome and be a bother. Kalim, we should start heading back to our dorm now.

Kalim: Eh, but Silver hasn't been able to express his feelings yet though.

Silver: No, I've taken more of your time than I thought. You've helped me enough, Kalim.

Silver: Thanks to you two, I can start to unravel this issue. I will do my best on my own from here on out.

Kalim: Great, I'm glad I could help! Then, we'll head out, but if you need our help again, let me know!

Silver: Right. I'm grateful for both of your assistance.

Sebek: Why were those Scarabia students here in Diasomnia? What were you guys doing?

Silver: You see―

Sebek: Hah, nonsense! There's no need to worry about what those humans say to you.

Silver: I disagree.

Silver: I am Malleus-sama's bodyguard. Would not the reputation of the bodyguard have an effect on the reputation of our master?

Sebek: Humph, as if such a thing would diminish the Young Master's greatness!

Sebek: …Yet I would not be able to stand it if there were even one blemish on his reputation.

Sebek: It can't be helped. I'll help you this one time.

Silver: Really?

Sebek: I won't repeat myself. And also, you don't need to do anything so idiotic as training your facial muscles.

Silver: Why not? It seems to be an effective method to develop my expressions.

Sebek: Because you don't need it.

Sebek: Let's train in the school courtyard today, instead of here at the dorm. Let's head there now.

Silver: I don't mind, but… What are you saying all of a sudden?

Silver: You said you would help me earlier. Are you saying this will solve my woes?

Sebek: You'll understand when the time comes. So shut up and come with me.

Silver: Hm. Alright.

(Part 1) Part 2 (Part 3)