#i've been crying for the whole day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noxtivagus · 2 years

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i'm sorry

#🌙.vent #i've been crying for the whole day #sorry i don't think i can bring myself to.. idk anymore #i'm sorry for being such a disappointment #you. you said you're not disappointed in me #i don't. i don't understand why. i really don't i really can't #no one says they're disappointed n i can't understand why #i hate the feeling so much when it's like. everyone else is doing far better than your own self #me rn i don't know why i'm writing this here i told myself i'll be quiet now but i'm past the point of caring #the regret of if i did just a bit better. if i fixed myself #but now i'm falling behind i'm just a hollow husk of who i used to be #it's either i feel empty or some sort of sorrow that brings me to tears #these tears dry up only for me to cry once more #i can't be proud of myself anymore #i'm slowly losing myself n forgetting myself #sometimes i think i wouldn't mind at all to sacrifice that for the sake of knowledge n success n productivity #....but if i forget myself then who will remember me?#i'm trying to hold unto some sort of hope but i just feel so empty that i don't really care anymore #the regret #i think my world just ended. part of me just died #i can't feel warmth anymore right now. it feels so cold n empty n lonely #i failed. not literally but. it hurts so much i don't know anymore #it hurts so much i was healing from other things i was starting to feel better but this. this now. this #i can't save myself from this regret. distracting myself doesn't rid of it either. everything is falling apart #for all my struggles i've never felt quite as hopeless as this right now. my mind is clear but i feel empty. the loneliest i have ever felt #disappointed. full of regrets. even if i succeed more after this i can't feel their worth anymore #i have to live with this pain but i can't make my peace with it. my nightmare came true.#sorry. i'm sorry. there's so much more unsaid n undone but from this point onwards is just disappointment & destruction for me. i'm so tired #i want to just sleep i don't want to wake up to a morrow with these regrets. i'm sorry for letting you down #i'm fine....

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inkskinned · 1 year

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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept.#who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you.#it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself:#if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay.#for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing.#and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'.#a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized .#you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly.#you said: you're doing this to manipulate me.#you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me.#i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

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neo-punks · 2 months

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i just fucking love neopets so much 😭

#i feel like i've noticed an uptick in non neopets blogs talking about neopets and people using neopets avatars as their tumblr icon and it's #making me insane in like a good way like it's my favourite thing in the whole world and people are talking about it again #the art i just reblogged is so good it makes me want to cry i need everyone to make neopets OCs it's everything to me #it's literally been my entire life literally all of my characters are neopets and to this day when i design a new one i cant help but go #and make them as a neopet because i NEED my characters to live in the same world i love them so much i need to draw again

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deoidesign · 4 months

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

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inpacho · 1 month

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I saw the tv glow

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fabiolajyx · 1 year

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#THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHOLE DAY #I wonder how she knows that I love Gil this much?!#I only made 2 TikTok videos of him but that's not the video that she commented #Anyway I wanna scream and cry #I need a season two more than ever now #GIL RIZZO COME BACK TO ME #Gil Rizzo #Nicholas McDonough #save rise of the pink ladies #save rotpl #grease rise of the pink ladies #rise of the pink ladies #rotpl

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hooved · 1 year

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listen i wish dr. mora was dead and i hate when he gets anywhere near odo and i wish they never made odo forgive him. but that scene at the end of the begotten when he suddenly hugs odo before leaving (and given the way he "raised" him i wouldn't be surprised if this was the first hug he's ever given him) and odo needed one so badly after everything that happened that it looks like he'd cry if he was physically able to..............that shit makes ME cry

#this whole episode makes me cry. i've literally been thinking about it and crying about it all day #odo #star trek

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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legitimately wanna die bc i keep checking his blog and thinking obsessively about him and then i get pangs in my chest as i realize that he doesnt care abt me bc he has someone else again so he doesnt think of me and im sitting here going crazy bc i want him so bad but he doesnt want me he wants someone else 🥴

#i know i sound crazy but yeah like idk what to do i wanna die ^-^#bc like ok im here alone in my room with no friends no life no nothing. i have no one to talk to #i have nobody in the whole wide world to talk to... and im crying and all i can think abt him #while he is talking to the person he wants. and he's not crying all alone bc he loves me and wants me so bad #you see??? thats why im going crazy bc he'll be ok he has someone while i wont be ok and i dont have anyone #i dont even have a friend to talk to and cry to and be comforted by. i have no one.#and the loneliness is so suffocating and i see my future and i have been alone my entire life and i will always be alone #i just want a gun and off myself (not bc of him specifically but bc of the loneliness i've always had)#like idk i just cant let go of the fact that im crying checking his blog #while he isnt checking my blog at all and he isnt thinking of me at all bc he is thinking of her #yk that in of itself is so humiliating and so cruel 💀#and i know i sound ridiculous but idk im trying to read and im trying to watch smth and i just cant stop hurting #i can go non contact and try to forget him #but that will hurt so fkn bad bc he is all i want #but then i rmbr that im not what he wants #so what? will i just message him once every couple of months? all the while he'll have someone else #why would he even want to keep talking to me???? lmao like if he has someone why would he wanna talk to me at all?#and how am i gonna be ok w talking to him abt idk the fkn weather while i really wanna be in love w him but i cant bc he isnt mine???#but how am i supposed to just not talk to him ever again when he is the one person... i wanna talk to all day and know everything abt #which.. is the issue bc i feel that way abt him but he doesnt feel that way abt me bc hes wanting that with her #it just... doesnt work so idk what to do #it hurts that he found someone else to be worthy of a chance but not me.... i wasnt worth a chance

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mini-uzzy · 1 month

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RAAAAHHH RAAAAHHHHHH!!!

#officially done watching QSMP!!#I watched mainly Fit's POV bc he speaks English and has the most hours on qsmp #i would have watched Philza's but his vods included his hardcore world and made his vods much longer and also spending less time on qsmp #i have watched all of Slime's POV and since he rarely logs on and he cuts his vods it was easy to finish #for non-English speakers i have watched Maxo and Pierre's bc they are the most lore heavy apparently-#and their qsmp povs comes in episodes!! very easy to binge #lore-wise it was great!! sad qsmp was cut short bc of management issues but im glad at least Fit made an effort to make a great ending #as for everyone else's lore ive been relying on clips and compilations #my favorite event is definitely cellbit and roier's wedding bc it was so fuckin funny - i have rewatched certain parts multiples times #my favorite lore would be aypierre's bc his felt more complete and cohesive... maxo is close second... these two are good roleplayers...#Purgatory is another BIG favorite event purely bc of BOLAS ROJAS 😂 the first day was the funniest shit I've seen acted on Minecraft #favorite pair is definitely Deathduo... one bc Philza did a great representation (on purpose or not) of an aromantic character -#two because found family... im a huge sucker for found family stories... Deathduo isn't as rich in fanservice but it's part of why i like it #rare but GOLD - augh their first day with Chayanne and the whole prison arc thing 😂😂 everytime Phil catches Missa up on the lore 😂#another favorite pair is Misclickduo - if the latter was a nice story this one's on the complete fucKING OPPOSITE #everything about this family is fucked in every single angle 😂 but it has good lore esp Slime's POV with Juanaflippa #favorite eggs definitely Ramon and Juanaflippa... since I watched Fit the most it made sense Ramon is my favorite #but Juanaflippa is my favorite lore-wise bc of how tragic she is...#essay over :3 im going to sleep crying i hate Fit's ending so much BYEEEE #qsmpcroof

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iamhereonlytobeanunstableshipper · 11 months

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I literally wanna RIP MY SKIN OFF bc the last memory Mobius had of Loki was him leaving him. Not only once, but twice. Both after Sylvie screamed at him and when destroying the Loom.

Maybe now he wonders if Loki thinks about him too. If he misses him too. If he ever watches over the timeline he's in, wishing he was there. And sometimes he thinks so, but most of the time he doesn't. At least he doesnt think Loki misses him half as much as Mobius does. He maybe thinks that if Loki had the possibility of comming back to the timelines somehow, he wouldn't visit him first. He wouldn't be his first choice.

I really hope that Sylvie at some point tells him that Loki defended him when he went after her. I know it will hurt, but he deserves to be aware of at least a tiny bit of all that Loki actually feels for him. He deserves to know that he was enough, more than enough, enough to make a once selfish god give his whole life to save the universe, to save him.

He deserves to know that he's not waiting in vain. And if there was the slightest chance of coming back, Loki would come back to Mobius in a heartbeat.

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megumi-fm · 2 months

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hi i have been inactive for a while due to the chk chk boom. hope you understand.

#HI HELLO BESTIES I WISH I COULD UPDATE YOU GUYS BUT I HAVE BEEN SUPER BUSY AND CONSUMED BY THE HORRORS™#basically im moving out the country in like four days so packing has been a whole ordeal #not to mention i'm procrastinating feeling my feelings #my three month gre prep plan turned into a one week prep reality T-T my unofficial score is 321 out of 340 which is... idrk #i was in the middle of a lot of things and given the level of time and energy i was able to commit amidst the chaos... it's not too bad.#OH ALSO i got done with the round one registration for my courses today and it was a MESS #(technically only the in-dept courses were due today. the ones from the other depts were due 17th. either way. the website was being cruel)#oh and as for out-dept courses it's a different procedure but I managed to get Intro to ML! absolutely insane given my meager coding skills #as well as my shaky understanding of engineering calculus. in other words welcome back my arch nemesis slash lover miss mathematics #oh and! all my friends are also moving away which basically means the past week has been meeting my besties and trying not to cry #i've been reading a bit as well! i read assistant to the villain and it was simply the cutest book ever i need the sequel SO BAD #OH AND GOSE IS BACK so that's been fun #so yeah that's what's up #i really wished i had more time to update on here I had a really cool idea for this week but i've been too exhausted sighhh #hope you guys have been doing well also please feel free to text or tag me on posts i might not be able to reply but i love reading updates #sending lots of hugs and chocolates to all my beloveds <3 #oh oh also please go check out skz's comeback it's so good!#okay it's like 12:26am now ima go sleep now gnight byeeee #megumi in the tags #megumi.fm

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basuralindo · 11 months

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This is the line that completely took me out

#I've been laughing about this for days now #the fucking deadpan of it all just perfects the whole thing #also soutout to jamil for awkward af reactions to crying representation #glorious masquerade #twst #jamil viper #my boy is finally out there being real and it's giving all the hostile autism vibes I was hoping for

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caluupin · 5 months

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Father!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

#caluuart #genshin impact #genshin #art #arlecchino #god she's just so. cool. pretty. ethereal. badass.#also I LOVE HER STORY QUEST SO MUCH!! I think it's definitely one of the best story quests in the game tbh.#wait uh arlecchino story quest spoilers below:#for one; the quest really gives even more depth to arlecchino's character. like yeah the whole thing is well. messed up.#it's an orphanage that raises orphans to be child soldiers after all. But it's also like. It's more.... humane? nicer? for the fatui anyway #which does bring me to the next thing. you know how arlecchino's like “if you're gonna leave the HotH you need to fight for it with ur life #I genuinely think that she's gonna just. straight up kill them. although it's not unlikely at all it turns out that (most of the time?) she #-just gives them a one trip to memory loss and set them free. which i do know it's kinda like death in genshin's lore but still.#I just find that pretty interesting.#also the cutscene where clervie says goodbye n stuff. It makes me cry EVERY TIME. ARGHHHH TRAGIC CHILDHOOD DOOMED YURI MY BELOVED :(((#clervie makes me so sad man. the fact that she just. accepts death. she really just let peruere kill her huh. crucabena when I fucking get #the hopelessness getting to her at that point. all attempts of freedom failed until that day..... GOD. and clervie finally getting closure-#-in the story quest as a spirit... I just..... man.........#on a lighter note :)#I got obsessed with a bloodborne OST LMAO. the uhh the lugwig boss theme. esp the sec phase one. it's SO GOOD. I first heard abt it in a-#-vid analyzing the ost musically. At the time i was like. woah. cool. what a cool sounding track. fast foward to like. a day before 4.6 #I'm watching a genshin theory video and I heard the music in the bg. I recognized it but I couldn't remember where I heard it from #UNTIL I REMEMBERED. and looked it up. And I have not known peace since. good music.#anw I've been rambling too much so yeah. gn my dear fellows!!

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outlanderalien · 18 days

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Not sure if I'm sabotaging my relationship or not but I feel like I'm in the right ? Perhaps ?

#personal #basically we're long distance but I couldn't see him on a weekend because of unavoidable circumstance #we were going to go to his friends wedding but I couldn't make it.#but hes been sending me photos of my empty seat next to his at the venue #and telling me constantly that I would've loved it #so I took issue with it bc i wasnt enjoying that #and he's gone into panic mode and thinks I'm accusing him of being a 4D chess manipulator #and low-key he kind of is. Unconsciously I think but still manipulative.#he uses the whole 'woe is me' and 'I'm just a terrible useless creature pls pity me' bit way too often.#if we have a slightly uncomfortable conversation he will stop engaging with me and try to distract by telling me he loves me.#like literally 'so what do you think?' ... '[laughs nervously] I love you :'')...' imagine that being the only response he gives for an hour #so I've called him out on his difficulty with sincerity and he's just doubling down on the 'pls pity me' stuff and frankly...#i really don't like it #the wedding thing was kind of nothing but his reaction to it was telling #pulling out the whole 'I am horrified you'd think that' guilt-tripping nonsense #followed immediately by 'you overestimate my intelligence if you think im capable of that :'')' pity party.#just. not promising. not good vibes.#to elaborate on the wedding bit: I made the decision that I couldn't make it bc of a busy work week.#he assured me several times that it was okay if I couldn't make it but he stopped messaging for a day after I told him I couldn't #then sent me a photo of my empty seat with a crying emoji and telling me that he wishes I was there and that i would've really loved it #that's not a message sent with the intent to make me feel good is it?#idk reading this back it sounds like an overreaction from me but with the context of my experience with him this is not an isolated thing #it's kind of perpetually like this. then when called out on it he pulls out the love-bombing but doesn't address the actual issue.#idk. idk.#if anyone wants to engage with this post feel free. Any outsider perspective would be welcome.

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wuxian-vs-wangji · 3 months

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Yeah... I remember seeing the architectural design majors at my uni having this breakdown each semester...

#love in the air #lita #rain #scriptwriting was the only course within my major famous for making people openly cry #because the professor would eviscerate you with her feedback #not to be mean; but she would look at the feedback you'd already been given by your classmates over and over throughout the course #and if you still hadn't fixed issues she'd really stab into them and rip you apart #she liked me though- i followed the syllabus due dates and no one else did #meaning day 1 i already had a treatment ready by the first class #and even though she told me the syllabus schedule didn't need to be followed; i chose to follow it #because it kept me a week ahead or so #So when I finished each 200+ page draft of my script I was finishing it a week early #which let me focus on other exams in other classes and manage my workload more easily #the only time scriptwriting made me cry was when i spent 6 hours typing draft 6 of a 214 page feature and my computer crashed #erased the whole thing #i'd been typing up the script based on hand notes i'd written on my previous draft so it was easy to recreate #but redoing it took 8 hours since my hands were so tired #but that wasn't the classes fault; that was my fault #i did really well in the class; you just can't take feedback personally and a lot of writers really struggle with that #i've lost so many friends because they claim to be writers who take feedback seriously #and then it turns out they're little bitches about it and throw tantrums after begging me to give them feedback #so now I will not give a friend feedback on anything they write #for the record- the way i was trained is not to be cruel or mean #you literally just go through it like 'here is what I had issues with as a viewer and here are some ideas on how to easily fix that'#always offer a solution #and for every complaint you have to give a complementt #so i'm not out there like gordon ramsey ripping into people; it's very gentle and kind #except when i gave M her round 6 feedback on her script and she STILL insisted Mt Everest was 3 billion years old in her story #AT EVERY STAGE OF THIS SCRIPT I REMINDED YOU IT IS AROUND 30 MILLION YEARS OLD GET IT THROUGH YOUR-

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enhanced-operatives-division · 7 months

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Handing you .. fanart of your Juniper mask >:] I promised to myself I'd draw this ever since you dropped the design it's SO COOL!!! i hope you dont mind!

I'M GOING TO CRY YOU'RE TOO KIND OH MY GOD,,,,,,i NEVER mind ppl drawing my designs Im honoured you liked it so much to DRAW IT???????? I'm grinning like a bastard this has made my day, thank you so so so much

#screaming crying sobbing /pos #you're so kind im losing my mind over this #im never living this down you're so talented and you drew MY SILLY DESIGN??? overwhelming /pos #im so im so !!!!!!!!! AUUUUU #tysm like fr this means so much im so full of thank yous I've been rendered speechless #asks #[Agent: genebeanz]#[fanart]#<- AAAAAAAAA #ieytd #john juniper #im so. auu im gonna be riding this high all day #sobbinf........#im just staring at it man AUUAUAUA so kind im so im so i cant explain the emotion but i can feel it in my whole body #pure joy methinks #im a simple man.....one juniper drawing and all of a sudden im buzzing and then square that feeling because it's YOU????????#genuinely your comments on my art is such a huge inspiration to me for keeping at it man #this whole fandom has that effect in me tbh like it's so kind and close knit #auuu #okay im gonna stop rambling because I'll be here all day but one last time thank you oh my god #i react normally to things 👍/j

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