watcheroftheways

[somethingaboutvampires]

To the assholes in my office: I'm not 12, can't relate.

[strawberryvanillafrosting]

success life story ♡

heyy i'm here to share about my success story, the beginning is only before i started manifesting and about when i just started, all my success are on the very end of the blog, so feel free to skip directly at it if you're not interest by all the rambling !

have a good read ☆

michiko is so pretty, i've literally been told so many times i looked liker <3

the old story that i don’t live in anymore

okay so before i didn’t hate my life, at all, but i just found very dull and so poor of entertaining like it was just too fucking regular and repetitive.also a bit depressing. i thought of myself of such an unlucky girl before and i was like affirming all the fucking time that i was unlucky and guess what? everything really used to go the way i didn’t want it to go every single damn time and i’d be like i knew it im so unlucky boo-hoo.

same for the money i would just go every single fucking day rambling to my friends how poor i was and how i wanted money so bad and the same story every single fucking for days, weeks, months.

i really wanted a new appartement and my own room cause i used to share same room as my sister and it really was getting on my nerves, i had no privacy and place for myself. the apartment was small, my mum always kept complaining about it and then she would argue about my dad about it but the reason why we couldn’t move out despite trying for several months was cause my dad had whole lotta debts and my mom had a really low paying and hard job she was exhausted and, it was quiet hard to see them being this unhappy and they still tried their hardest to make us happy so i really wanted to get back at them.

about social life i had very few friends and barely went out, i'd say probably one time a month. and i really wanted to get that life of the party, and those big ass friends group and also i was crazy desperate about having black friends cause i am black and literally the only black out here without none of black friends and i felt pretty left out like wtf am i the only black girl with no black friends cause all of them (that's so dumb tho.. ) were friends and gets invited to the most fun hangouts and i was embarrassingly jealous of that and also complained a lot about it…and kept asking tf was wrong with me.

STRONGLY on this one : i wanted a relationship so bad and i kept hating and being sad to those couple on tiktok’s. one time i actually cried cuz i wanted a boys’s love so bad like i was craving it so bad. i was in such despair state before..cringy ahh ☠️

i used to be rlly insecure about my looks too even tho at some moments i felt more confident, i kept comparing myself and waisting dozens of minutes enumerating my "flaws ". i knew about manifestation but not really about law of assumption , for me manifesting was really all about listening to subliminals, method and scripting. we all once knew that phase yeah? i used to manifest from time to time but then would just give up again,since i was not seeing results and so on. so useful wow.and then there’s the others things like mediocre grades, poor family health, just constant tiredness and fatigue feeling,

tw : mention of being depressed,sh,ed, : felt empty like life had absolutely no meaning, suicidal thoughts, tried to end by over-consumption of medication, self-harm and bulimia, constant complaining and NEGATIVE ONLY mindset.

but now, NOW i tell you ever single thing i’ve just listed changed completely like every single damn thing i’ve just listed is no more, it’s out of the date, dead, buried and no longer existing !

it clicked

then at some point at my life i was just like. yk what? fuck i just wanna change it all. then i really like really  got into it all over again and for good. no more 1 week i try then giving up cause i ain’t seeing no « results ».

i watched hours and hours of ppl talking about loa (i’m not saying you should do this at all it’s just that i was very under-informed and wanted to know everything about loa)on youtube, shoutout to rita kaminski and hyler who really put me into it and informed me. then i started reading neville’s pdf books, and tumblr blogs, kinda overconsuming but i liked getting myself informed.

and then that’s where everything started and that i got aware of all the power i actually hold. all the things i actually can do just cause of my mind. i wrote down all my wishes in present tense ,like every single aspect i wanted to change/have in my life. and i started fully living in the end like really got myself into and at first of course, wavering from time to time in the beginning. it was pretty easy for me since i was used to manifestation.but what i didn’t do before is persist no matter what and that’s what was really tricky for me in the beginning to persist no matter what and not just give up to bullshit 3D. but when i kept moving forward no matter the 3D and made it facts the only my 4D matters and everything has already happened, ALL and every single wish down to the last one flowed into my life. ONE by ONE every single hour of the day i would get my manifestations down to the last letter i wrote in my notes.every single thing

success storyy

in a matter of few weeks like really 3 week-ish like- 1 month max.

starting off LUCK i’m extremely lucky now every single time i play gambling activities i win. i’ve won insane amounts at scratch cards i think i’ve won in total more than 5’000$. JUST FROM SCRATCH CARDS.and before i started i NEVER EVER WON. now whenever i play there’s not one time that i’ll win absolutely nothing even just a small prize

won huge lottery prize (from 200 to 12k the biggest i’ve won yet)

winning a gambling games, either online or dice rolling luck,bets, bingos etc.. its literally insane every one keep telling that i literally has got god’s blessing (i’m the god guys🥰)

financially freedom, my parents upgraded jobs and i’ve got lots of incomes + the money my parents give me 

all the debts my dad had, he got rid of ALL of them and when i tell you mf had a lot of em☠️

move out in a new huge ass condo which is a duplex (like really like i wrote it it’s actually scary how powerful we are..) I’VE FINALLY GOT MY OWN ROOM and we’re getting my desired furnitures and decorating the house i’m so grateful

friends and popularity i think biggest shock for me is really this. like my social life has gone from very paisible to completely fully booked and passioning life. like seriously i’ve been to more parties, concerts, birthdays, and hangouts during the last 2 weeks holidays than in my entire life

got lot of new friends, healthy relationships and quality time passed on lots of fun activities and sm memories

black groups friend. WITH AN S.so thankful to myself to be this good a manifestation i litteraly got into a black friend group of girls and i’ve never felt more at my place and understood this much. and these girls know the black group boys (when i tell you that 2y ago they were the person that i wanted to be close with so bad..also they’re really hot and funny lol)so we hung out with them and i was literally so highlighted and became pretty much friends with all of them !! 

my man. HELLO I LITERALLY MANIFESTED MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP? when i met him i didn’t actually realize right on the spot that he was exactly how i wanted him to be and reading back to when i scripted out all the things i wanted at the beginning, everything matched. he’s literally physically and mentally the man of my dream LIKE REALLY. we’re no bf and gf YET cause it’s just a little soon but we see each others super often and we have the best relationship ever i swear it’s giving wattpad. the flirting is crazyyy.

dream bod.from head to toe my desired body. heavy on the lower body all for that azz and wide hips.ive got smooth and clear skin and smell good all the time!! litteraly flawless face + got my braces which suits so much and dimples

plenty of vacations (went to ibiza, usa and dubai )

lenient parents they use to be so strict before i swear its crazy they let me go so easily now, i can hangout without asking 3 days ,like they accept even if i've gotta go in the next hour or if wanna go on trip that's in another country. i can come back home so much later too

attractive & magnetic aura + being really charismatic (everyone i met keep telling me i’ve got this thing that really makes them want me, get closer to me)

good grades without doing much

perfect self-concept - as i kept living 24/7 in the state of wish fulfilled, my self concept only got better making me really know what i’m worth and never wavering/ going back to the old story

whole ass pc set up

all of my desired skincare/makeups/shoes/clothes

and so much more...

outro

i hope y'all liked my blog and that it motivated some of you to NEVER GIVE UP cause y'all are reallyy some powerful mfs and y'all already got all of yours desires !!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ honey kisses, shayama

[shysuccubusstuff]

feral! wuthering waves males pt. 2.1

Content: husband! Calcharo; soft dom, riding, , belly bulge + brat taming, size difference, hard dom, degradation, overstimulation + aftercare. Non proof-reader.

Note: I saw quite a few ppl liked the other so here goes the second :)) I just noticed that all of them noticed your "joke" but to be fair, they are what they are, how would they NOT notice?? Btw, I always put dear Calcharo as if he was a softie with his SO cause I really see him that way!

I will write a second part/third part for one more character so please wait for it!

Calcharo knew your intentions from the start, just seeing your stupid (yet cute) face all grinny while you kept pushing him to taste your "delicious meal" only made it even clearer. Despite he told himself that it was dumb, the whole thing of acting as if he hadn't notice anything weird, he did pretend, how could he not after seeing you all giggly and happy because you thought he hadn't notice ahything? So he did it, he ate the whole cake, not leaving a single crumb, even when you told him (after around 4 slices) that he shouldn't eat THAT much, he still did, forcing that extremely sweet cake down his throat, even despite he hated the sweet taste of the cream. Of course, this lead to an extremely fast effect of the aphrodisiac, hitting him like a truck right at the kitchen, his knees almost falling to the ground. Despite that, he was still (somewhat) in control, lifting through the air and taking you to the room, getting rid of his clothes with great urge, throwing them around the room before letting himself fall to the bed, taking you with him and letting you rest on top of him.

"Baby...I think you have broken me..." His voice was even more deep than before, a bit raspy, almost as if he had just woken up. His face was really red, almost making him seem as if he had a fever, you touched the tip of his nose, almost smiling at the cute expression he made. Sadly, the cute moment didn't last much longer, as you suddenly felt something poke against your ass, his expression changing into a victorious one. Without losing any more time, his hands were already lifting your skirt, taking your underwear and ripping it as if it had been made of paper, before you were able to complain, his arms wrapped around your back, breaking the distance between your mouths and starting a deep kiss, leaving you breathless in the process. He kept kissing you, licking your reddened lips while his erection kept rubbing against your unclothed cunt, making your head even dizzier, his raspy voice whispering against your ear: "Can I put it in? Say yes, please? I'll make you feel so good baby... Rub your insides just like you need..." You were simply able to nod, as he quickly lifted you, slowly inserting himself inside you, making you whine from the stretch as his dick started to form a bulge in your stomach. It wasn't until his whole length was inside you that you were able to breath, his pupils forming cute hearts as he felt your delicious walls tightening around him just like he liked it.

"Baby you feel so good, did you miss me inside? I've missed you like crazy... being without you is such a hustle... Let me make up for my absence, yeah?" As he says that, his hips are already moving, his fingers interlocking with you, while his lips keep kissing your pretty face, his mind too far gone to even think of how embarrassing would this be the next morning. Calcharo kept moving his hips slowly, almost as if he feared he could break you if he wasn't careful enough, making the pleasure build painfully slow, almost making you cry for the great lust he was building up without even trying. One of his hands was always occupied, always having your fingers interlocked with his, the other kept wandering around your precious body, sometimes playing with your nipples, pitching them, flicking them, other times, his hand kept playing with your sensitive cunt, playing with your little clit, caressing it and suddenly stopping, making you let a whiny moan as he simply smiled mischievously. His lips were still peppering soft kisses all over your body, sometimes your neck, others your squishy cheeks... you were being treated as the most precious treasure in the world by your dear husband.

It took around 15 minutes until Calcharo was finally able to get back part of his composure, seeing your lovely face all flushed as your hips were giving up from doing (almost) all the work while he was under the effect of the drug. Feeling embarrassed as his past actions started to sip into him, you quickly noticed how his grip on your hand was loosing up, almost making him see rather cute to your eyes.

"Are you feeling flustered cause you showed me your cute side?" Of course you couldn't just hold your taunt... And of course Calcharo couldn't simply ignore some sorry little brat making fun of him, his hands quickly gripped your waist, smiling wickedly as he started to move you up and down his length, making yor eyes roll to your skull as he kept hitting your cervix with the tip of his dick. "Didn't think you were that dumb of a brat, guess I'll just have to put you back in place, uh? How is it that your head is so fucking empty that I leave you just for a few days and you forget everything I've teach you?" You were only able to whine, your hands clinging onto his chest as you tried to make him slow down, nails digging into his flesh and making little crescent marks all over him. Unfortunately, even despite you kept pleading him to stop his harsh trusts as you were about to pass out from your fourth orgasm, his face remained straight, even when your tears were falling down your cheeks from the overstimulation and the drool was falling down your drool, in fact, ot almost seemed as if he even sped up the rhythm, making your sorry brain melt into some kind of mesh.

"I'm sowwy, I won't make fun of you, yeah? So please forgive me...!" As soon as you said that, his trusts became a bit slower, not before one of his hands started to caress your clit until you came undone on his dick, squirting all over him, letting a poor whine leave your mouth before letting your legs give up against his chest.

After a few minutes, Calcharo got up, slowly lifting you, taking his cock out and letting his seed flow down your thighs, he carefully took you to the bathroom, warming up some warm water in the bathtub and letting you both squeaky clean. Before going back to the bed, he changed the sheets, leaving the others to clean and finally getting both of you inside the bed, thoroughly covering you with the sheets, not before leaving a soft kiss against your forehead, caressing your soft hair and finally sleeping to your side.

[an-exasperated-hades-kid]

So I've been seeing a lot of will solace hate, and I'm here to defend my son.

First of all, he's not a toxic person at all he's a human who can mess up at times and be unintentionally rude, like in that one scene boo where he says

‘Oh, please.’ Will sounded unusually angry. ‘Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away. You have friends – or at least people who would like to be your friend. You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once –

^ that is rude but he didn't have bad intentions because according to him nico wasn't scary and the people that he hung out with - Lou Ellen and Cecil- didn't think that nico was scary either as they were both friendly towards him when they met him at the Roman camping area outside chb so while his delivery wasn't good he meant no harm and he also helped nico realize that not everyone hates him and then there are a few jokes that he made that people consider toxic or offensive but nico was never offended or sad about these jokes he only rolled his eyes and acted exasperated so he knew will meant no harm .

Will is canonically described as a laid-back and calm person, but he is also stubborn when it comes to certain things like medical related things which is understandable since he can feel everything physically wrong with a person by just touching them and is persistent that they don't die and Take care of themselves which is understandable since he saw majority of his siblings die and doesn't want more ppl to die .

Will is actually quite a complex character he's calm and laid back but he's stubborn and strict when he needs to be he's supportive and loving to nico but since he's a kid he struggles with being understanding sometimes hence why he asks persephone for advice on how to be there for nico properly showing that he's mature enough to ask for help . He's also someone represses his emotions because he thinks that as head counselor, he has to be a perfect example, and he told this apollo in the 1st toa book. He's also pretty insecure about his abilities, as shown in boo

Evidence:

You did,’ confirmed Nico. ‘But it was the way you did it. You made it clear that you wanted me around. You said you wanted me to come to the infirmary and help, because … because you could use a “friendly face”.’

‘It was true. And you did help.’

‘You brought me closer instead of rejecting me,’ Nico said, his voice cracking. ‘I’d never been called a friendly face. Ever. You made me rethink everything – my place in camp, my crush on Percy, my future. It took you scolding me like you were the camp director to make me realize that I was … wanted.

___

But with Nico �� It’s hard, Persephone. I want the best for him, and he seems to disappear into his darkness, like he’s hiding in a place where he doesn’t want my light.’

‘Then why not offer him your darkness

_____

Nico sighed in exasperation. He hated working with other people. They were always cramping his style, making him uncomfortable. And Will Solace … Nico revised his impression of the son of Apollo. He’d always thought of Will as easygoing and laid back. Apparently, he could also be stubborn and aggravating

_______________________________________

In conclusion will isn't toxic and he isn't perfect and if I'm wrong about something please point it out cause I haven't read the books in a while and if I missed something please point it out and I'm sorry for the typos I wrote this without wearing my glasses as 3 am after studying for a test

[traceofexistence]

After reading your post about Faye, I almost got a sense of deja-vu because I also had a similar rant about it.

Like that woman has been publicly out for a few years, privately even more (imo it was probably an open secret before she publicity came out). And no matter how "open" Thailand is for lgbtq ppl it's always a risk to come out, especially if you are already in a public light.

It's not Faye's, Yoko's, or 9star's problem that some people got "tricked" by other gl couple, and now in their opinion everyone is being fake and just doing it for "money."  And no matter how open and transparent any of them are (9star/fayeyoko), nothing is good enough for those people. Because like I've said they have been too delusional and were fucked over by other gl couples and their companies/studios.

So now that you have a openly out woman who is with a company that actually treats her and Yoko like human beings and doesn't rely on some stupid tricks so that they earn more money some people don't know how to behave. And in some instances are jealous because why couldn't my faves have company be like that. But that's just my opinion.

this

and because I'm weird like that I dont block the trolls I try to study their behaviour (knowing your enemies type of tactic on my party)

one particular on twitter was yapping about how Faye is in secret relationship with her salon partner (the way these assholes bullied that poor woman🤬) and she's cheating on her with yoko and yada yada yada, and how they are an excellent investigator. and their whole proof was couple of photos she had with Faye doing literally nothing LOL

so I looked at their older tweets, and boom they were a fan of another GL couple, and then they saw one of those actresses in pictures with a guy (again nothing explicit) and they started going off about how they were lied on, but to my understanding that other loveteam were like "we are single, we are phi-nong" the same way fayeyoko say (and I personally believe them because I simply dont ship)

so whether these people had "their dreams crushed" or they built a whole ass delusion to be mad about when it didn't come true is unclear to me.

and all the trolls I have seen look like they are disappointed from other GLs and apply the same bs on our girls

to conclude, I really do thing FayeYoko are nothing currently beyond phi-nong as they say

Faye has been saying she's single for years, that falling in love is hard for her, and be with people because she works too much, so I believe that

and Yoko doesn't care enough to lie about her status and she's been saying shes single since day one, and funnily enough the same trolls got mad that she said so again recently and called her names etc.

last but not least according to thai people, only very recently Thailand became somewhat open about LGBTQ. and still old people are conservative. coming out is coming out.

as for Faye, her family knew she was dating a girl early on. she said she didn't have to tell her mom, because her sister who (was very little at the time, asked her mom, and mom said "Faye is old enough now and she knows what she's doing" something along those lines and her baby sister told Faye back LOL so the cat was out of the bag soon, and her GF at the time was close to Faye's mom and sisters. her coming out to the public was around 2021~22 and after she got permission by the MGT boss, not to mention that with her coming out she paved the way for other MGT girls to be open up as well (two of her friends Lux, and Engfa for example)

[shey-pancake]

Hello, I'm back.

I never expected to come back to tumblr for this reason, but it has been brought to my attention that certain people are making claims and theories about the quinn doc and I already had a problem with someone who joined my discord server only to harass me about it, when I told them multiple times to stop doing that.

I cannot force people to believe what it's true, everyone has different views and perspectives on the document, I can respect that, I cannot stop you, believe what you want, you want to stay in the SaD fandom and separate the art/believe is false? do it, you wanna leave because it makes you uncomfortable? do it, you wanna remain neutral? okay, but please for the love of god-

STOP. HARASSING. MY. SOCIAL. ACCOUNTS.

For example, this acc that was shared with me via DM, was dedicated to try to investigate further about the quinn doc and about quinn on the internet etc etc, that's fine, you do what you do, but try to take PERSONAL stuff about me that has nothing to do with the quinn doc, it's completely disrespectful. I kindly remind people that all I've been involved with in this document is to help on it and SHARE IT. Nothing else. I don't have anything to do with this, nothing, all I did was to be shared with the info, be asked for help with the doc, and share it because I had a larger amount of followers so I would spread more awareness, but if you are mad about it, you wanna argue or something I'm sorry but I'm not the person for you to do that towards.

All I was asked for was to help and share, what you believe, make theories about it, assumptions, claims etc it's up to you, I don't care because I already did what I was asked to do, and if not further info was shared is because I didn't get permission to share them, period, you have to learn to respect others boundaries.

Now, on another topic, there has been rumors about me following or supporting "AnonymousDeliah" which is completely fake, these are false claims.

first:

This person is following me but not the other way arround.

They tried to get in contact with me, I tried to respectfully tell them to not get me involved in this since all I was asked to do with the other doc is to help in it and share it, with the proper evidence and stuff.

They were continously trying many times to push me or pressure me subtly to share the doc they recently did, or the twitter threads they did, despite looking suspiciously and almost completely fake, long time ago I was shared with a Quinn's art archive drive, and I noticed where the parts they edited came from since that drive had almost every single art quinn had, except for the ones that no one knew about (the doc).

Even after told them to stop trying to get me to get involved in this once more, they kept insisting me, and I was considering even block them after asking me so many times despite telling them to not.

Here are the screenshots of when we last talked, it has been months this person has trying to pressure me into looking into their completely not fake case + share it and help them.

And yeah, I don't care what the ppl were making up for why I deactivated, I had a very shitty week for completely personal and different reasons so i wanted to stay out of there for a few hours, as i said, keep your make ups, theories, assumptions etc. to YOU.

Last I will say is that I will probably will be back to share my art here but if people start to harass me here I will leave and this time I won't come back, that's it, see ya later guys, and take care of yourselfes.

[lowkeyrobin]

Hey! So if you're writing ghostbusters things right now (apologies if you arent, my Tumblr is acting up and it's not letting me see some of the fonts its just squares 😑) anyway I would love to request a podcast x reader of you're up for that because the dude does not get enough love 😔😔

I was thinking like the reader was childhood friends (mayyybeee first crushes?) but the reader moved to NYC and is now a regular at rays occult and now meets the reader again? What do we think?

Anyway hope you write this and have a GREAT day/night 😊

it's okay!! my requests r open as long as my mailbox is available haha, can't rlly stop ppl from requesting if it's still up so yeah dw ; but yeah of course! this actually sounds rlly fun to write lol ; have a good day/night to you too! ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy :) ; also since we don't know much about podcast I kinda made some stuff up, I've watched both afterlife and frozen empire at least 3 times each so... hopefully I gathered all the canon podcast lore idk ; also reqs back open! gonna post the rest of the queue then work on anything yall send

PODCAST ; i think we're alone now

summary ; a little childhood best friends/first crushes reunite at rays occult books

warnings ; language

disclaimers ; we don't know a whole lot about podcast so I made some a lot stuff up lol ; also I'm just using Logan's name as podcasts legal name bc idk what else to call him + I just use actor names to fill in names in other movies/shows

track ; i think we're alone now ; tiffany

word count ; 1k

masterlist

Your first crush was silly and dumb, being on your at-the-time best friend, Logan, or Podcast, as he was now mostly known. He always had a fascination for film and commentary, no wonder he had his own podcast.

You'd recently moved to New York, surprisingly, where Podcast also lived these days. You reconnected over social media and found out you'd be living near each other again like the good old days, and decided to meet up once you got comfortable in the new environment. And that's what had happened. You now await his arrival at Ray's Occult Books, where you skim through the bookshelves, reading each spine to see if any title jumped out at you.

The bell above the door jingles, causing you to look up to see who it is again. Him, thankfully.

He scans the store, looking for you. Ray nods his head toward you, leading him right to you.

He smiles as he approaches, stuffing his phone in his jorts pocket. "Hey"

"Hey," you reply, a soft smile pulling on the corners of your lips.

"Uh, how are you?" He asks, clearly struggling to make conversation.

"Good, I like your outfit," you reply, pointing out his colorful collared shirt. Even now, it reflected his curious and extroverted personality.

He glances down at his shirt, having forgotten what he was even wearing, "Oh, thanks! Uh, do you wanna go walk around or something?" He asks, glancing over at Ray, staring you two down at the counter.

"Sure"

You end up strolling around the city, catching up and talking about life until you retrieve to the basement of Ray's Occult Books, where Podcast was currently living for the summer. He already told you how he was supposed to be at summer camp and how he'd been consecutively lying to his mom. You already knew that was pretty in character for him. He wasn't great at fitting in and would've rather stayed with people he knew and his other actual friend, Phoebe.

You let some of the mini marshmallow pufts climb all over you, using you like a giant stool. A few use your arms as little slides. Logan takes a picture, framing your goofy smile while another mini puft jumps off your head and onto your shoulder.

A few slide down your left arm back onto the desk, then use your right hand as an elevator to go again. As you hoist a little group back up to your shoulder, Logan is now recording on his phone, laughing behind the camera.

"They're so cute," You happy-pout, looking at him for a moment.

Oh, how he wanted to pull the Uno reverse card on you with that, but he couldn't. He thought about it far too long, then backed out because he was too scared, but told himself it was just to late.

You look around his room, two of the little pufts sitting on your head like Remy in Ratatouille. You note all the posters and little trinkets and things around the room, making a weak assumption that he just liked collecting little random things.

You notice the orange lava lamp sitting on his bedside table, turned on, and providing an orange glow throughout that corner of the room. It shines off the side of Logan's face, creating an omniscient kind of glow that you can't look away from.

Denying you still had a crush on him would just make this even worse.

He looks back at you after saving the video to his photos and putting it in his Friends and Shenanigans folders, catching you quickly looking away. He raises an eyebrow, seeing your slightly jittery movements as you use your hand as an elevator for the mini pufts again. They don't keep it a secret though, 'oo'ing and 'ah'ing and bouncing on your shoulders and head.

You can feel your face flushing, attempting to hide it by not looking back at him.

The mini pufts land back on the desk, skattering behind the array of glass jars. You look back at him, seeing he's already looking at you. He's close, closer than you remembered, you felt closer to him, really.

You look down at the mini pufts at your feet, wondering if you'd zoned out as they slid you across the floor. You look back up at Logan, giving you that same soft look you were giving him.

Look, what a funny, simple word. There was no other word for that almost hypnotizing gaze shared between the two of you. There was so much tension. So much so that it was killing the mini pufts. They wanted to shove you into each other to just kiss already.

"I think we're alone now," He quietly speaks, glancing down at the desk where the mini pufts had flee'd from.

The beating of your hearts was the only sound as you pressed your hands against his jawline, his hands slinking down to your waist. You press your lips to his for a moment, then again and again before properly pulling away.

He opens his eyes, a grin painting his face. He pecks your lips once more before he knows you'll say that you have to leave.

"I have to go, I think my mom's waiting outside"

"Okay"

He watches as you stumble up the basement stairs, your face flushed. A smile still tugs at his lips, cheeks a light shade of pink.

The mini pufts come out from hiding and cheer him on, then flick the lights off to reveal colorful LED lights and a disco ball. He sighs with a pout, unable to hide the joy behind it.

"Okay, okay, party's over. We have an episode to record"

[weaselbeaselpants]

kind of related but not- I'm genuinely sorry to be posting so much or about Lily Orchard, guys. Prior to Courtney coming on and telling us her story I was mostly just taken aback and angry with Lily as "one of those critic types" in my circle of vision.

It sucks -and yeah I know other critics don't want to hear this+Lily will use this fact as an excuse to discredit ppl's complaints abt her. but I think a lot of us were initially exposed to Lily because they knew of andor were fans of her cartoon criticism content. In my case I knew Lily from her days of Bronydom and have watched her make more and more meanMEAN material even w it's not about internal fandom dramacallouts. Back in those days and up to last year I could say of Lilly the same thing I'd say for a lot of people who annoy me online: I think she's a bully. Which is still bad, it's just not 'criminal', inherent. Comparing her to Rebecca Sugar, Lindsay Ellis, Contrapoints or VivziePop would be stupid as she really doesn't have even half the portfolio or wherewithall as any of those people -or even Zena and Poppy, not that they're angels. Lily was/is annoying because she'd use other people's genuine concerns and talking points. There's a certain takenupbyaltlight-term that I begrudginly would love to use for Lily that REALLY hits the nail on the head with her, be it as a fan, a critic or an activist. But I won't use it. Not because it's untrue, but because it's used by the same people who write her kiwifarm pages and misgender her and clearly couldn't give a crap about her if she didn't make them "lol"

But then, I actually looked at some of Britt's receipts and skimmed bits and pieces of what remains of Stockholm (I think you all already know this but @britts-galaxy-brain the links are missing now). For years, I'd known and listened to others honestly harp on Lily as some kind of counter-initiative for her going after their fav foalcon people. I assumed it was more of the same. It's not. Lily 100% wrote cp and is trying to hide it. No not fiction abt young adults that delves into erotic and sexisms; not stuff with aged-up child characters being big boobied of themselves thru the gaze or r34 artists. She wrote cp.

Essense of Thought's and that one hour long video talking about Stockholm were the first real horrifying revelation. Then I read through Brittney's saved messages from Lily and 'Tara'. Then I saw Patch's video.

THEN, Courtney came out and told everyone on here and her server everything we needed to know. I don't abide by everything Courtney says, especially about her abusers but I mean they're her abusers and please stop asking her to like the children who're valued more than her in the lives of her abusers, or at least maybe vent openly not to Courtney directly about your fear for those kids Cameron has. Yeah, I'm also concerned but idk there's got to be a better way to handle this. Anyway, as previously stated, I believe Courtney, Britt, and Patch. There's no way that those people have faked that stuff. I've heard kind of stretched explanations being true, but there's no way Stockholm was "edited by pedos" like Lily's saying it was I know I'm missing a few folks in there but I believe a lot of people have been genuinely victimized by LO and aren't just acting out of transphobia, bigotry.

Of what I can attest based on what I've seen, I KNOW that Lily Orchard wrote 'fluffy' foalcon and is saying she didn't, and also that the woman hates the word "queer".

Of what has been shown to me, I fully BELIEVE Lily Orchard is an abusive, sockpuppeting predator. Not only that, she's hiding behind other predator's existence to lie to her audience of other abused people to convince both them and herself that she couldn't possibly be a predator.

In 2013, what was 10 years from now, there was a controversy in the MLP fandom where a minor rose a (not undeserved) stink abt the askblog Princess Molestia and how it was making light of r*pe, intentionally or not. To counter this, a bunch of mouthbreathing bronies took it upon themselves to prove they weren't creeps by threatening the underrage sa victim, making r*pe porn of her while other mouthbreathers basically said "yeah put she's [the minor] annoying so it's the same kind of evil we're doing, really". Centrists.

Why this matters to me is (CW. CW. CW) you can find a post from Tara Callie, who was almost certainly one of Lily's alts at the time, admitting she found the r*pe art of Pinkiepony "hot", all the while Lily herself was publicly denouncing Pinkie's treatment by the fandom.

Lily Orchard is an awful human being. She does not have intrusive thoughts or fears of acting on those intrusive thoughts sometimes, like me and other people do. She has sexual and violent urges that she hides enough form the public to not make her followers suspect anything. She's twofaced and takes out her probable self-hate by attacking other predators. She's all deflection and lies. I can not believe a thing that vile woman says. Neither should you.

The biggest means of fighting her I think we all can do of is refusing to use her critical tag w we talk about her. Spam her "own tag". Enough hiding and denying who this terrible bigoted abusive woman really is.

Because really, her thoughts on glubshitto or whoever from Owl House are HARDLY the worst of it. Not even.

[faith--in-the-future]

AFHF23 RECAP

thought I'd share my day for everyone (and future me).

so the alarm was at 6am bc my mom had to drive me to the train station to catch the 1st train of the day towards bologna so I woke up early and packed my giant backpack for the week (which I had to buy new bc my old one broke literally the day before rip) and then got on the train! then after 1h i arrived and switched train to get to Florence where me and @riverswater walked around and saw the city before catching yet another train to go to the city where our accommodation was and leave the bags. then we got ANOTHER train from there back to Viareggio and from there then we anxiously waited for the bus with other girls who were also going to the festival. the bus was late but it did arrive and the bus driver must have been driving ppl there the whole day bc he told us where to get off before we even asked him anything sjsj after 15min we FINALLY arrived at the venue 🥳🥳 (it was like 6.30pm lol) and there I met up with @tanktop-lou (trusted louis show companion) and @dahliaaz who I met for the first time irl !!

inside the festival ppl were mostly spread out bc there were only a few people already pressed at the front of the stage (those that had entered first) everyone else was sitting around in the grass or in the areas under the pine trees with the fairy lights and the hammocks! and there were LONG lines at the merch stand and food stands ahsh so it was a pretty chill atmosphere and when I got there there was a dj set by abbie (I think) who played mostly rock and indie hits that everyone knew so everyone was dancing and singing along! obviously everyone got up for mister brightside (white ppl anthem! skjs)

after that the cribs played their set and they were really good !! I liked their songs from the afhf Playlist already and they had a really good energy live and their sound was great! and they kept thanking louis which was very nice! check them out if you haven't!

we also saw lottie and lucky in the terrace bc they were right above us and it was so weird to see them irl like what?? they exist?? crazy ahah but she's really pretty (and short!) and lucky is so cuteee! we also saw Isaac Michael (he IS hot tbh) Oli (!!!) Matt and Chris (booo) and all the girlfriends or wives

then we saw the blossoms set which I also enjoyed although I think I enjoyed their music more from the album version lol but the guy was really trying to get the crowd going so A for effort sjdj I Also liked his 70s hair and look! he kept thanking the wrong city but that's OK skgkj

then ( ~9.20pm ) there was another dj set and at this point everyone was just ready to see louis tbh zjgkh by now the crowd was bigger and getting tighter and ppl were mostly standing. also it had gotten dark which made the place and the lights even prettier

then finally and with only 15min of delay (!!) the band started to take their places and the intro started and then FINALLY the guy we'd all been waiting for took the stage woooo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the build up in the intro is so good it really feels you with anticipation! great job steve!)

this year I hadn't been watching the lives for the months before the shows like last year bc it was all in north America so I didn't know the setlist by heart and I have to say it was fun to be surprised every time ! and to experience the live versions of these songs without having heard them many times before!! I really enjoyed that! plus he went a little crazy with the setlist so by the time he did Saturday so soon I was like ok lol ANYTHING can happen tonight skdjkd and it DID! Never in the world would I have expected PARADISE!! as soon as I recognized it I was like OH NO!! I should have listened to this more RIP! at least I knew the chorus skdjkd and it was really fun live !! really went well with the rest of the setlist which was FIRE🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻 probably my fav of the shows of his I've been to! all the songs were so high energy and the crowd around me was as well ! we all jumped and screamed most of the night and it was just so fun! and as always the music was so good like all the added drums and guitars in live arrangements are amazing !! my fave is probably OOMS live it's just SO GOOD from the bass intro to the drums it's just the best! also I'm happy I got to hear 7 again bc it's SUCH a good cover and even tho not everyone knew it (😒 embarrassing) I sang along the whole time sksk and he was obviously great at it! I'm also super happy that he kept BTY bc the new version is fantastic!!!! I LOVE the way he sings the first lines so much!!!!!! and it's great to sing you fuck me up you kill me !!!! all together lol let's all scream about that toxic person<333333 bonding experience! then there were also the heartfelt moments like walls which is always so beautiful especially bc live it becomes such a significant moment of pride and love we all experience together and with louis ♡♡♡ I love him sm. also copy is SO good live like it's just so perfect for that setting and is still one of his best songs tbh

louis was so alive and hyped up the whole time he was having the time of his life !!! you could see how happy and proud he was :'))) and he went down in the front even before the last songs !! it was really fun bc everyone got super squished to the side and the front every time lol (I'm sad he didn't go back enough where I was closer but it's okay shsh) anyways it was just great to see him like that especially bc this time I was close enough to actually be able to see him with my eyes the whole time without having to watch the screens like last time in Milan so it felt more "live" in a way to me , more real I guess. (I'd love to be at the very front one day but I don't have the energy for that quest 😭)

it was extremely hot the whole time (louis would have been less hot if he wore shorts but ok!!!) and ngl the crowd was SMELLY by 10pm but it was so good it didn't even matter lol

the set ended at around 11.45 I think? and then we all sang along to we are the champions which was another prideful moment <3

and then me and rhei made our way back to our bus where unfortunately a bunch of dumb fans also were lol but in the end we made it home by 1am and finally went to bed at 2am with sore throats, music ringing in our ears and hearts full!

10/10 would do it all again!

[villains4hire]

Disclaimer reorganization and my involvement regarding an incident.

//So I'm placing this near the top of my rules for the future regarding 'people who i've interacted with in the past'. This is mostly for testimony and evidence I came forward with to help with a serious matter, but since have walked away from in terms of direct involvement for a blog known as shepsrpcastle (url has been yoinked by someone since then) though never really knew him that well directly other than a brief time of about a week or so. I only mention this as they briefly dragged me into something fairly serious. It's been trimmed and reworded slightly but also placed near the top of my blog. More info below but it does involve participating in a callout mostly to give help and get peace of mind for people who were worried about me as I had nothing really to prove.

Mkay so now that things have died down. I had something taken care of a few weeks back that involved me talking to @fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo regarding a previous user known as shepsrpcastle (you view a doc there on their blog and my involvement for providing evidence) and things they were spreading about me, but only a minor thing that happened compared to everything else they've done in that you can find in their doc that's fairly triggering as a warning.

The change in question.

'People I’ve interacted with in the past:

If you are dmed about me or my URL, dm the URL, I can provide screenshots of any convos as I have nothing to hide. People can lie a lot in the rpc depending on who it is about other people. I generally do not care unless someone wants to keep it going. This has mostly been left at the top in regards to a serious incident I provided evidence for false allegations levied at me but in general as people like to talk on this platform.'

I feel like this placed further up might prevent people in the future from skipping past it. But also just to inform ppl since my name has popped up in a few passing convos to ppl I haven't really told anything to so here u go, though nothing bad.

[fandom-geek]

anyway just realised i completely forgot to make a post abt completing the first part of the arl of redcliffe quest and the broken circle, so thoughts!

...i had completely forgotten that alistair does know who his dad is.

on that note, alistair does say that duncan also knew, but it's not entirely clear if alistair told him (and duncan pretended not to know already), if the reverend mother told him (and he pretended not to know already), or if duncan was actually transparent about already knowing but just didn't say how.

alistair also gave me the quest about finding goldanna, which again makes me think abt fiona. when he eventually finds out that his mother is actually an elven mage who is alive, he's gaining a living mother and losing a sister who... doesn't want anything to do with him (from what i recall), but is still alive and has her own kids. which isn't necessarily much, but when alistair's spent most of his life thinking that she's his only relative, that's some complicated grief to have. especially if he finds out that duncan did know abt him and promised to look after him secretly (as per the calling).

anyway - back to the quests!

defending redcliffe was. a pain. the mayor did not survive, despite me turning on easy mode. i was tempted to try a few times to get the cutscenes for "you saved everyone" but i hate the long walk between the two fights so fuck that. rip mayor dude, you were decent.

the redcliffe sideplots! hi bella and kaitlyn! i not-so-immediately showered them in gold so they can both yeet away to denerim. apparently i may have fucked up getting kaitlyn's "marry bann teagan" ending by not buying the sword, but i also gave her a ton of money so who knows. we'll see when i get to the epilogue. also yeeted the blacksmith's daughter back to her dad, so i've finished all the redcliffe side quests i actually care about that are the most significant.

you know how i was complaining abt veilguard because of eurogamer's review of the press demo the other day? there's a good chance that plots like bella and kaitlyn will be non-existent there given the "can't really interact with any random city npcs". so. that'll be a fuckin tragedy if that's the case. same for the whole of redcliffe, actually - even if they're not questgivers or lack extended dialogue, it's a town that actually feels like a town thanks to the variety of npcs you have.

redcliffe castle wasn't too painful to get through, and it's actually pretty interesting in hindsight of the later games. connor, unlike wynne (who we shall meet shortly), cole and anders, is kinda our foremost example of an abomination actually living up to their name. and the boy is creepy, even if him making bann teagan dance is lowkey hilarious. sorry teagan.

i had completely forgotten how alistair goes from "he's an abomination, we must kill him D:" to "...we can save him? oh thank fuck". it's pretty interesting that despite being raised as a templar against his will, he'll repeat the chantry's stance at first but he's immediately pretty glad if you offer a reasonable alternative - no matter how much it stands in opposition to the chantry.

broken circle time!

it's very funny how your introduction to the templars is "all the mages are corrupted and lost to demons.... we must kill them" only to immediately go through and realise they've managed to clear a section, courtesy of wynne and her spirit of faith. i reblogged a piece of meta abt this a while ago, but this quest is nowhere near as morally grey as some ppl make it out to be. the templars are practically buffoons (with some having the excuse of being tortured) who do literally nothing to solve the situation, while the mages are actively risking their lives to save each other. cullen is just... urgh. it says something that wynne is willing to defend him by saving he's been tortured, and the fucker doubles down on his "murder all mages, even the kids" rhetoric. i really hate that bioware retconned his endings from da:o.

it's kinda a shame that despite alistair telling you that the templars are addicted to lyrium, it never actually comes up in the broken circle. cullen being tortured and in withdrawal would be a bit more interesting to explore, but idk. would it be insane of me to draw a parallel between a tortured cullen thirsting for blood and a contemporary usa jumping to indiscriminate warfare over 9/11? .... yeah? ok, fair enough

wynne, my beloved! i hadn't realised how blatant it is almost from when you meet her that she's been possessed by a spirit to help her keep working past her own literal death. she also immediately adds a much calmer adult voice to the party, even if i wanted to yeet morrigan into the abyss with the "survival of the fittest [and none of the circle mages are it]" bullshit she kept spewing when we first met wynne. darling, please get over your elven-god-mother's brainwashing some time this game, it's deeply frustrating

(also, morrigan gave me her quest to steal flemeth's grimoire while murdering her mum! wooooooo!)

the fade is the fade. mildly less tedious with a guide in hand, but annoying as hell. i conceptually get what bioware was going for - the companions' nightmares and the shapeshifting are both fascinating narratively and gameplay-wise, but the trudge to get there is frustrating as hell. there's a line btwn purely linear levels and forcing ppl to slowly backtrack a ton, and this doesn't achieve anywhere near the balance it needs. though it does reinforce that the mages are significantly more willing to save each other, regardless of the risks to themselves.

oh, and it always cracks me up how much weisshaupt looks like ostagar. i know they only had so many tilesets for decorating, but the main part looks practically identical to the raised platform/lower hall where you meet alistair and later having the meeting with loghain/cailan.

i burnt through health poultices like no one's business on this level, so the final boss was fun. not actually that bad, but i had to seriously micromanage the party's healing post-fade onwards. plus preventing him from corrupting the mages is hilariously easy once you've got the litany.

managed to run into zevran on the way back to redcliffe (and stopped by honnleath too), so now i've got another rogue and shale. i get there's plenty of worldbuilding reasons for you to have less mages than rogues/warriors but with my poor cousland also being a rogue, this party feels insanely rogue heavy.

camping was also pretty funny, bc wynne basically threw a ton of her major dialogue conversations at me back to back. alistair also snogged my cousland despite much teasing, so that was fun. speaking of things i had forgotten, i had definitely blanked on zevran's backstory in the crows frequently involving torture as a training method. wonder if they'll include that in veilguard since one of your companions is the grandson of the head crow (i fucking doubt it).

back to redcliffe - not much to say except the fade section here is pretty interesting. it's heartbreaking that saving him means damning him to the circle but hey, at least he's only stuck there for the next seven years! given his age, he probably doesn't even go through the harrowing before the circles dissolve.

[reilleclan-blog]

Ok gang so I came across a stray cat a couple nights ago the kitten was crying so loudly out my window I couldn't not help it, so yes I did bring it inside, I wouldn't have done that if it was completely feral cats usually feral very feral cats don't come near humans they'll wait for food but not if u tryna "lure" them. So I fed the cat thinking it would stop crying but it also wanted to come inside the house and I caved b/c fuck me for giving a fuck about a baby cat. But I put it in the bathroom downstairs at least it would be safe and I gave it more food and stayed with it a little, I don't even think the thing slept, and afterwards I told my mom I took it in and she starts yelling at me like very much verbally abusing me for trying to protect a baby animal. Like yes the animal could have flees but I'm not gonna hear a baby and not help it I guess. So after she finished yelling and guilt tripping the fuk out of me, the kitten ran out of my arms when I was deciding to walk it to a shelter, when it left my arms I went back inside crying b/c I felt so bad just because I wanted to help A BABY KITTEN? Fast forward, I unfortunately couldn't do much to help it I fed it another night but that was it. The same day I fed it, I come home and find out the neighbors took the little thing in. I'm ngl I was happy to hear that but a bit worried I guess I'm worried b/c I was the only one really helping it the past few nights now these ppl have taken it in.

Ig I don't have to worry anymore since it'll be safe but ngl I wanted the cat . I even named it (in my head) but I knew it was dumb to think I could keep it. I just knew if no one was gonna help it I would. Another thing that annoys me tho is how my mother's reaction about the animal was so dramatic she could've won an Oscar with all the yelling and guilt tripping she did. She yells at me about how I could possibly die if it had rabies and shit like that and saying how she couldn't pay for my funeral if I died(while she's constantly online shopping) I'm ngl i appreciate what my mother does for me but most of the shit is abusive and I'm not gonna kiss her ass when I know I've been abusived most my life and everyone tells me to just suck it up or "that's my mom that's ur dad" as if that abuse doesn't haunt everyday I've been breathing.

She did all that yelling and verbal abusing and guilt tripping all for her to be in my face a couple hours later talking about "it's cute"(the cat) saying "it's my fault" the cat coming to the door, she says it in a "joking" way but how tf do u think I'm supposed to react after u just made me feel like absolute dog shit just for caring for a kitten. And when I tell u the kitten was so affectionate and very loving, it just wanted attention. It was probably the nicest kitten I'd ever met . But yeah, my mom goes from yelling at me like she's fucking insane to acting like it NEVER happened. I've never heard an apology from my parents that ever mattered . ( just as I'm typing this she comes into my room telling me the "kitten isn't loyal" again trying to be funny, but again u yelled at me like a fucking psycho just for caring about it. She act like I let it play all through the house and scratch furniture or some shit. I just don't understand this lady at all. I need to leave this place. I don't think I'll be that much happier but maybe I'd be "safer") anyways again I don't have to worry about it ig

Edit: neighbors took the cat in then threw it back outside^^'

And my mother says "they prob think it's our cat" please why in the world would they think it's ours when the first night I took it in u screamed so loud at me everyone could hear that it wasn't our cat. Also I went outside with the damn thing crying in my arms, I think anyone with context clues would understand that ain't my cat, when it jumps out my arms . I swear everything my mother says is said to only disagree with me it's not to make sense , it's just to disagree , so anyways I guess I will call a shelter. And she comes into my room trying to lecture me again about what I did, and obviously I'm frustrated b/c why the fuck do I need to hear u say something over and over , but this time u want to say it "calmly" "I'm not screaming at u or nothing just trying to talk" oh but the first time u couldn't have done that ? This lady was screaming at me so bad u would think someone was getting murdered. I– my feelings never fucking matter , Never. And she gets butthurt because I DONT WANT TO HEAR THE SAME SHIT SHE DONE ALREADY SAID SCREAMING AT ME LIKE A FUCKING PSYCHO. ESPECIALLY AFTER NO APOLOGY NO NOTHING I DONT EXPECT ONE BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN SEEN AS A HUMAN TO MY PARENTS, BUT DID U THINK I JUST FORGOT HOW U SCREAMED AT ME ??? REALLY? IM THE ONE BEING PETTY BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING I ALREADY WAS TOLD WHILE BEING DISRESPECTED PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN THAT

[nfumbewalk]

Crystals, Herbs, Rants

I've always loved crystals. The fascination started as a kid when we visited the coast a few times a year. The old seashore shop was full of glass fishing floats, life saving appartuses, storm worn wood, jewelry (mood rings!!) & lots of toys but mainly LOTS of crystals! Geodes of amethyst & quartz, huge slabs of Obsidian - green & black, like what I have, but much smaller. It is Seaside, Ore. Greatest place on the North coast (Astoria too!).

The Ore. coast should be more known for crystal shops. There's a great one closer to me now in Yachats, Ore. (Said: Yah-hawts) Obvious Native Americans did own this place. 😉Like our Willamette, said Will-am-met, which translates to "valley of sickness." Lovely! Sorry, ADD brain is jumbled.

Back to crystals n shit! They are essential to my work. I don't wave them and get a magic breeze with a "Aahhhh." Nope, get to know me, I'm extremely practical. My crystals are clean, but never, ever saged - because I despise sage & I think that it's an anathema to everything, every energy out there. I would rather go find dry pine needles in the desert and use those. And what's the deal with Dragon's Blood atop of sage? Nightmare of odor! Smoke & mess, no thanks.

I've written books on herbalism (long out of print) and I'm very knowledgeable about plants, resins, oils, tinctures, even marijuana & making hemp oil (known commercially as RSO) for medicine. I did not get ANY of my knowledge from the internet & I find some seriously messed up herbal correspondences online. I got my information from books, but old ones, like Culpeper, Grieve, Agrippa as well as a couple good Witchcraft sources like Sybil Leek & L. Huebner, neither of them being "white" light. Paul Huson is much known & borrowed from for ppl online. Trust me, his stuff does not compare. I also have other Witchcraft books predating 1960 that help me tremendously. Where did I get these?

Hunting old book stores & thrift stores because my town is a freaking *haven* for witchcraft, but not quite my style, so I've always been solitary. I'm much too misanthropic to have any relationship with anyone in person. Online? Sure, just beware of my barbs, though I'm not even close to being a Scorpio. 😅

I'm not claiming to know much, just a lot of little details about certain things & I'm shady on other things. I know what I paid attention to. All goety - good. High magic - mostly, a lot I fudge because I hate Crowley's, Mathers, Regardie's....etc, mumbo jumbo. I won't make an effort and I won't even remember the LBRP! Why? Hated the ritual & all the goddamn vibration. I don't vibrate in my practice, except when I have to - really loud banishment rituals, usually of lesser known demons and amped up strong spirits. Ppl who've known me a long time can attest to my hatred of "ceremonial" magic. Just because ppl call it 'high magic' doesn't make it superior to 'low' magic, or goety.

Some are suited to certain types of magic, everyone has a niche somewhere. The niche can be found quickly, or in my case, it can take 20 years. Never knew that working with muertos would be the my path. Yes, Orisa, and they are equal. Equal I say? Well - I'm NOT in a Orisa religion. I agree with some, but not a lot. I completely disagree with initiations being forced. And they ARE forced. Sorry.

Yeah, pay for this, pay for that. Bollocks. No cash for enlightenment!! I know exactly where the money goes & it's not needed. People raise & board animals for sacrifice. Non-initiates can cook food. Setting up ceremony is not that hard. They want money for fancier soperas & temple goodies. I can understand paying for time, but it doesn't need to cost thousands of dollars.

I told my dad (R.I.P.) about Palo & the prices. His head spun. He said no matter what, religion has nothing to do with money. Man does. Man wants money, he wants the sucker to be culled. - Welcome to one of my lessons of The Con: In's & Out's. Taught by Frank Thorp, best dad ever! I don't con often, but if I ever do, I was taught by the best. That's one thing my brother never got from him. My older brother is kinda dead-to-me because of his "Fake Antifa/Communist" ways. Dude, he's 53 years old. Grow the fuck up. I live with this crap. I'm in a college town. Sucks!

More rants? I just sound old cos I am. Middle-aged & strange. And I have a very interesting present & past full of happy, sad, spooky, synchronicity-laden stories. Hope to blog here. Let's hope for more follows!

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

HI NATALIA

for the questions game thingy

5, 12, 31, 32, 39

<3

HIII AURAAAA : )

ok ok here we go

5. For the longest time I've been told I can write, and I sorta knew I could, but I hadn't taken it to heart until a few years ago. So I used to write, but no one else really saw it besides the few people I showed my stuff too. I also spent a crazy amount of time on Pinterest, and starting noticing a lot of writing prompts and snippets posted on tumblr there. I acc never knew much abt tumblr before pinterest. So after looking at those screenshots for a year or 2, I decided I wanted to do the same because I wanted people who, before seeing my writing, otherwise didn't know me (aka no bias), to read my stuff. Wanted to see fr if I acc could write a story that keeps ppl hooked or not! So i started this blog a year ago, and it was a p great idea honestly ; ) 12. Aight, maybe I'm not the most qualified person when it comes to advice, being 17 and a mess, but I do know this. When you make friends, don't get super emotionally invested right from the start. Because the truth is, your very close friends will be a small number of people. The rest will be people you think of fondly, people you can have fun with, but not people you're quite intimately (friendship-wise, ok) close to. You can't have a deep connection with everyone you meet. Also, empathy is wonderful, and friendships are give-and-take but please, if you notice your "friend" ( idc how long you've known each other) is always putting themselves first, their emotions and their wants first, with zero regards to you, then don't think you bending over backwards for them puts you as their number 1. You're someone they take for granted, and it shows. You deserve better, bestie. Invest in people emotionally a little slower. Take some time to learn who they are first, and how they see you, and that "time" is likely years. And when you feel you're getting hurt, always know that sometimes walking away hurts less than holding on to a toxic friendship, no matter how long you've been friends. And walking away can vary from "investing a whole lot less emotionally" to "cutting them off" if they truly hurt you that deeply. 31. I'm saurrr messyyy, it's a problem. My room is always a mess, books and clothes all over the place and half the time I dump everything on the bed until I put it back again. The only thing I'm organised about is the fact that I make to-do lists for college stuff, files on my computer for college stuff n I make exam schedules. But otherwise, I'm all over the place. 32. 4 tabs. Which is weird. Normally I have like 10+. 39. Used to be obsessed with TheOdd1sOut (is that how he spells it, idk) because the mere idea of animated short irl youtube stories or rants was bloody incredible to me cuz I love anything animated and honestly James is hilarious. Also used to be obsessed with TedED youtube vids, because I loved the animation idea again, and they were genuinely interesting. They taught me cool stuff without boring me to death like school did. I've always been a science nerd, so these vids were just epic. Also, loved the mythology episodes, cuz I love how ridiculous mythology is. TYYYSMM for the ask, this was soo fun to do <33

Questions are from this ask game.

[kinardgo]

Congrats on your graduation! If you’re okay with answering, can I ask what drew you to archeology and how you knew that was the field you wanted to work in/study? Sorry for asking, I’m just real nosy and interested when it comes to ppl sharing their studies lol

hello! sorry that this is latest possible response but thank you so much for your congratulations!

my mum was a hobbyist archaeologst when she was younger, and she used to make me watch time team as a child to get me to sleep (which, if you're not familiar, is just a bunch of british archaeologists going around doing insane things to heritage sites. there's lots on youtube, i recommend it). i maintained an interest in history but i didn't consider it as a career in the slightest until i went to south america when i was 21, and i visited the cementerio de chauchilla while staying in nazca, which is a 7th century (i think?) prehispanic burial site. someone gave us a tour of the area, and he told us that he was studying archaeology for his post grad and he chatted to us for ages about it, and when we went back to the place we were staying in, i looked up university courses straight away. it was a very lightbulb moment for me. i dropped out of college a few years before so i could help my parents pay the bills, so i had to go through a bunch of shit to get into uni at all, but its been the only constant in my life, ever haha.

i cant explain why i had such unshakable faith in the field, because i have wanted to do a lot of different things in my life, but when i realised i could actually be an archaeologist, it's been the only thing ive wanted ever since. my interest is particularly in maritime archaeology and early modern european expansion, but i've studied a huge range from early human evolution, prehistoric vietnam, right through to colonial america and late victorian industrial. im planning on doing my postgrad next year in maritime archaeology, and working in academia hopefully!

[izzy-b-hands]

Rambling abt the half dream half nightmare that woke me up today below the cut. feel free to ignore, just need to vent it out somewhere. Probably going to include me talking abt Current Family Issues and Feelings so. yeah. TW for mentions of someone in hospital, death, religion, and overall family dysfunction lmao

I know that ultimately, right now, if something big and/or terrible happened medically to anyone in my family back in ND, I wouldn't be able to go see them. The money just isn't there (part of why I'm not going out there this summer nor are they coming out here at all.) I've accepted it, and I try not to think abt it.

That said, LOVE (read: HATE) my brain deciding a hyper realistic yet weird dream abt my mum winding up in hospital is the way to go this morning. Complete with:

-her bf refusing to speak to me abt it, and telling me not to bother going to visit her in the weird, somehow existing in both CT and ND simultaneously, hospital with a 'haven't you already been enough of a burden to her?'

-me staying in my grandparent's old house in ND, and for some reason that meant being wildly unable to get ready to go to the hospital. Finding my clothes was nearly impossible, but. all their old decorations were back up on the wall so even as I was searching for them I like. Didn't want to leave? As if the house would revert back to being sold like it has been irl, if i left it. Finally I wound up just stealing clothes from my grandfather's side of their closet (specifically his old 80s styled 'eagle on a tree branch' print sweater that he got forced to toss a few years ago bc it was becoming more holes than sweater, and one of his old, big leather jackets. somehow i found jeans that fit me, idk how considering i can't seem to do that irl rn but i digress)

-me showing up to the hospital FINALLY only for Noel Fielding?? to be sitting outside it with a friend dressed in what i can only describe as absolutely gorgeous future techno witch clothing. Unfortunately they were fucking dicks in this dream and scared the shit out of me by joking that 'it was so nice I'd shown up still despite the worst' and implying my mum had already passed. Noel did shout apologies as i stomped off inside and that as far as he knew she was still okay, but his friend is the one who handed me a wrapped in plastic, small, metal stool with a weird cartoon face on the seat so i could 'sit with her body, like sitting shiva, right?' (not like that at all to my knowledge, but then again my family has rarely to never fully followed any of the various religious rituals around death, we just. take the bits the dead person liked from them and ignore the rest, for better or for worse. Maybe that's just what happens when a family is a mishmash of various christian sorts from Catholic to Protestant with the hidden knowledge that actually, prior to ppl moving to the States, ppl in the family were Jewish but inter-marrying into Catholic families for safety-sake, and so any Jewish traditions used now are done wrongly and weirdly and in odd bits and pieces. At least that's as much as I've been told/have found out abt it, anyway)

-I proceed into this stupidly fancy and open concept hospital, to immediately find a hugr crowd mucking up the elevators (crowding the elevator bank and refusing to let others on.) That's where Con showed up, and helped me make it up the ridiculously wide, roundish staircases (think like. wide rounded stage steps, but for each level of this hospital), while also trying soothe me by telling me Housemate was already here and waiting for me, so were my grandparents and even Mum's bf (he promised to keep him away from me lol, it was v sweet in an otherwise filled with anxiety dream.)

-however, as we were struggling up the steps (also full of crowds, pushing each other around, so we literally had to hold hands and hold onto the railings and walls to avoid being shoved down the stairs), he kept hesitating on saying more abt mum. He tried to distract me by mentioning that, since I was here, the docs might want me to address some of my own health issues but that he wouldn't let them force me into any treatment i didn't want. Then he finally alluded to mum being in worse straits than I'd been told abt and said something to the effect of 'doing only what you can, not what she or others would expect of you' and 'not to set yourself on fire to keep someone else alive' plus admitting he was deeply worried my family was abt to force me into a big decision that absolutely wasn't the ONLY treatment option that would help mum, but it was implied to be the one mum's bf and my grandparents were pushing for.

-still dunno exactly what that option was, but just before i woke up i started hearing the latter part of the song Gethsemane from JCS (Housemate and I have been watching various versions irl this weekend lol), specifically the bit where Jesus dares/begs/etc God to see how he dies. This was accompanied by me finally reaching my mum's hospital room, and a stupid bright light emanating from it and like. Not to critique my own brain and the dream it created, but that was far too on the nose for me personally lmao.

-and I woke up thinking abt the call with my grandparents that I had on Thursday (didn't go super poorly but went. kind of weird and uncomfortable and confirmed again that like. they're happy for me being out here in CT, yet at the same time hold it and my happiness against me to some unconscious degree as originally outright confirmed by Mum in an earlier call her and I had like. Tail end of last year lmao. the main crux seeming to be 'why couldn't i find happiness in ND/what's wrong with all of them/why wasn't i willing to keep trying to make my life work in ND regardless of my happiness/don't i know how hard it is without my being there to help everyone whenever they ask/etc family bullshit')

And now I'm laying here thinking. If the Worst would happen for any of them, they would fully expect me to empty my bank accounts and do whatever else i had to, to get to ND not just to see them, but to help. to take care of as much as possible for them (mum and grandma get decision paralysed by sad/scary life events, my aunt is so uncomfortable with sickness and death she won't do hospital visits or funerals at all anymore for anyone, my cousins...are young enough they won't know how to handle it/won't want to, my grandpa tends to just shut down and isolate when things go to shit, and that's not to say that they all don't still get done things that need doing in these situations, but that they DO all usually need prodding and help and have leaned on me for that since i was a kid.)

And i would of course want to see them/help however i could, but. not to that extent. not to the point that I'd have nothing for myself, no money or help (bc they're not in a position to return that help or money to me, and they'd be so emotional as to likely be extremely offended and upset if i mentioned needing help myself.)

That said, I'm sick of silently daring them to watch me die just for their sakes, even tho i do still love them all dearly. and of course, that's entirely too dramatic but at the same time, Mum and I have had convos abt 'what if there's a shooting somewhere that we're at, how do we handle it, how are we attempting to protect each other' and Mum always says she would take a bullet for me, but she didn't protest when i say that I'd take one for her or anyone else in the family first. Last time she just nodded like. yeah. of course you would. so. Feelings, abt all of this.

If u actually read this full thing that was A. very sweet of u and i appreciate that u care abt my silly lil fucked up brain enough to do that (genuinely, I'm v grateful) and b. here is a pic of Nisha as what little compensation i can give for u reading this long ass ramble lol