#i've got like... 10 issues left for the event?

[jewishcissiekj]

I love Age of Apocalypse *explodes*

[dyingswanpavlova]

"Your girl" - Part 10 | The Salesman x Reader

Summary: A fight turns into something beautiful. Turns into what could be your last day on earth.

Warnings: dead dove do not eat, kidnapping, mentions of sexual abuse and other traumatic events in the past, numbness, helplessness, violence, threatening, mentions of blood, mentions of murder/rape/death, hinting at suicidal thoughts (only briefly and not really serious, but I'll put it here nonetheless), body issues, trauma talk, stockholm syndrome, forced relationship, unhealthy relationship, depression, manipulation and low self-esteem, mentions of sexual activities and desires, smut, (rough) sex, oral sex, switch, degradation kink, dom/sub dynamics, daddy, not beta-read, if I've missed any please tell me! mdni 18+!

"Your girl" - The Salesman x Reader Masterlist

The tight smile.

It was all you needed to see to know you were in great, big trouble. It was really disappointing though, considering how good the day had started.

When you woke up, right after having a short, restless sleep, you saw him lying beside you. And for once, ever since you had gotten here, he wasn’t awake. No, he was deep asleep. His beautiful  eyes shut tightly and his expression one of peaceful relaxation. You hadn’t ever seen him this perfect before.

It was nearly ridiculous. Just a few hours earlier, he had ravaged you in a way that left you feeling sore and used, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but somehow you had a feeling last night was different. It wasn’t the sex per say. It was the way he got angry and you felt you couldn’t get through to him, even if you truly wanted to. And what was far worse than all of it, was the threat.

The threat.

What did it even mean?

I would never kill you. At least not unless you gave me a reason to.

It wasn’t even a subtle threat. He didn’t try to hide that he was twisted and dangerous. Dangerous for you, if you pushed the right buttons. You had done so quite some times by now, but luckily you were still around. But how much was too much?

What would make his mind go blank and cause him to swing an axe at you?

Shoot you right in the face?

Gut you in the middle of the-

You shuddered and took a long, deep breath to calm yourself. This wasn’t going to happen. You wouldn’t anger him to that degree. And yet, you couldn’t keep yourself from thinking about it.

What could possibly piss him off enough, to trigger such an extreme reaction?

If you went out and fucked someone else?

Or if you spilled milk on the coffee table?

You took another slow breath and looked back at his peaceful, sleeping form. It was hard not to love him, when he was like this. Sweet. Peaceful.

Vulnerable.

You hadn’t even seen vulnerable, regarding him. Not really. You didn’t know his name, his family, his backstory or anything else that truly mattered. All you knew was which buttons to push and it would make him slap you. You had his age. And his sexual preferences. You knew he had some kind of dangerous job, but you had no idea what it was about. And you knew he was twisted.

Utterly and entirely twisted.

But you saw none of that as you watched him sleep. All you saw was a handsome man, the most handsome man you had ever seen, even with the faint trace of a scar on his cheek. You still hated the sight of it. Not because it would have done anything to his attractiveness. No, he was very obviously still perfect. It was the fact that he got hurt.

Someone hurt him.

You were surprised just by how angry the thought made you. He was always so confident. It was his choice to either be angry and take it out on you or to be gentle and spoil you with affection and gifts. But it was his choice. He was the man. He was in charge. He was the epitome of strength.

And someone hurt him.

Him.

A part of you was almost tempted to think yours.

Someone hurt your man.

But you pushed the thought away just as quick as it came. He was hardly your man.

Your bane, your curse, your horror. Yes.

But not your man.

When he stirred slightly, you were pulled out of your thoughts. It didn’t take longer than a few seconds for him to blink his eyes open. When he finally looked up at you and met your gaze, a hint of surprise flashed over his features. But he schooled his expression into a soft smile effortlessly.

“Good morning, my little owl.” He purred. “You’re up early.” He raised a brow and smirked slowly. “Were you watching me sleep?”

Your face flushed, but you didn’t feel the need to deny it. It was pretty obvious anyway.

“I did.” You said quietly. “I couldn’t help it. You looked so…peaceful.”

He hummed softly and propped himself up on his elbows, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear with two fingers. “Peaceful? Doesn’t sound like me at all.”

He didn’t seem angry or even irritated that you watched him. If anything, he seemed amused or maybe even strangely flattered.

You shrugged.

“Have you been up for long?”

You shook your head.

He frowned slightly and held your chin in his hand, brushing his thumb over your skin in a gentle way. “You didn’t sleep well. You look like you didn’t sleep at all.”

You averted your gaze. What could you possibly tell him? That you spent all night, asking yourself not if, but when he would finally snap and snap your neck the same?

“Look at me.”

You hesitated, but eventually you met his gaze again. His expression was one of thoughtfulness and curiosity and you knew you had to give him something. He wouldn’t stop pestering you otherwise. You thought for a moment, before you finally gave up. You didn’t trust your ability to lie to him. He would see right through it and punish you for trying to deceive him.

“It’s about last night.” You murmured quietly.

His eyes narrowed slightly, but eventually he relaxed his expression and let go of your chin. With a soft sigh, he murmured back: “Was it too much for you? Too rough?”

You thought about the best possible way to answer this. Eventually you came up with something you would have hoped would be the perfect solution. “I’m still ashamed.”

“Ashamed?” He frowned.

“Because a part of me enjoys it.”

He hummed softly. “We talked about this, sweet girl, but I’ll say it again and again. You have nothing to be ashamed about. First of all, it’s not your fault you turned out like this.”

“That’s kind of the problem.” It wasn’t a lie. Not entirely. It did bother you. Just that the life threatening thing was worse. “I feel like you enjoy what we do, because you simply enjoy it. And I think I enjoy it, because I feel the constant need to get hurt and degraded, because of…because of what happened to me.”

He regarded you with a long, thoughtful look. His eyes softened somewhat and he was back. The man who supposedly cared about you came back, after a long, rough night. He sighed and rolled over so that he was on his back and staring at the ceiling. All the while he stretched out his arm and pulled you along, curling you into his side. He didn’t look at you as he spoke and his tone of voice was almost emotionless.

You couldn’t tell if you preferred this over the anger. Probably not.

“Did I ever tell you about my father?”

You froze. What? No. He hadn’t ever told you anything about himself that mattered. Let alone his family. As far as you were concerned, he didn’t even have a father.

But all you managed was a small, breathless shake of your head.

He hummed softly and played with your hair as he spoke, still keeping his voice cool and measured. He never met your gaze. Almost like he couldn’t. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to appear nonchalant or if he truly didn’t care. You hoped for the first one.

“My father had some creative ways of punishment.” He hummed. Oh, God. “Similar to your mother, I might think. Just more blood. And a few…other things.”

You held your breath as he spoke, feeling utterly sick. The fact that he had so subtly and smoothly threatened your life last night was suddenly the last thing on your mind.

“Don’t get me wrong, sweetness. I was always a little different from other boys my age. I wasn’t interested in the things the others were. I liked different things. Darker things. But I’m pretty sure, had it not been for my father…” He hummed. “He did some nasty things. Really nasty. And not only to me. To my mother as well.” He turned to face you fully, while you still lay frozen and staring at him with bated breath. All the while he caressed your face and spoke in this soft voice, like he was reading from a children’s book. It was eerie. “That might be one of the reasons why I am always in control.” He smiled briefly. “Especially sexually.”

You just kept staring at him. He hadn’t said it outright and he probably never would, but you could tell there was something. Something dark and terrible, something that still haunted him, even after all these years. And it made you sick to the core. The fact that his father, his own father, had hurt him, it made you feel nauseous. And especially, angry.

“So, I should probably be grateful to him, don’t you think?”

You knew you weren’t supposed to say anything to that, anything about that at all. No matter how terrible you felt, no matter how badly you wished to comfort him. He would get angry, because he would think of it as pity. You were sure. But you still had to say it.

“Your father is a sick man.” You said quietly. “And you didn’t deserve whatever he did to you.”

“Oh, I’m aware, my sweet, darling girl.” His face lit up in a soft smile. “I was just a boy. A twisted one, maybe. But still a boy.”

It made you feel as uneasy, as you felt relieved about it. At least he acknowledged it. He had no fault in his father’s cruelty. At least not back then.

And at least there was something. A tiny reminder that he was human, that he was real, that there was something akin to flesh and blood that made him similar to you. Not the fact that it had happened. Oh no, you would have changed it, were you in the power to. You would have bled and suffered, if only it meant to free him from the burden of his past.

No, but the thought that he told you about it. He had a father. A mother. A family. He had a childhood. A life. He was real.

You lay in silence for a long while. Of course you wanted to say more, to comfort him and hug him. To kiss away the fear he had probably felt as a little boy. You wanted to take him in your arms and make him whole again, puzzle him together until he got reunited with the love he was so desperately missing all his life. What about his mother? You asked yourself. But you thought now wasn’t the best time to ask. You didn’t want to risk making him angry, when he wasn’t so far. He hadn’t ever shared as much of himself. You didn’t want to say anything. And, you suddenly realized, you were afraid to pressure him.

So you said the next best thing. In the silent hope, that one day he’d trust you enough to let you in.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” You said very softly. His head perked up and his expression softened. No anger in sight.

“My sweet, caring girl. The ghosts of my past are no more than that. And don’t you worry. I got my revenge.”

You bit your lip and rolled onto your side, facing him properly. The thoughtfulness in your eyes turned into something else the longer you looked at him, a mixture of concern and gentleness. He didn’t seem to mind. He let you stare without interrupting your thoughts. It was a peaceful, comfortable silence.

“How did you get your revenge?” You asked quietly, before you could stop yourself.

He smirked and stretched out his arms behind his head.

“I killed him.”

A part of you had suspected as much. But another part of you, the naïve little girl that you somehow still were, felt horrified. He killed his own father. And yet, that other part of you whispered softly in the back of your mind.

Did you expect anything else?

You thought back to your mother. Had you ever had a gun in the wrong moment-

No. Never. You couldn’t kill anyone. Not even a fucking fly. You were the type of person to chase them out of the window, instead of crushing them.

It wasn’t enough to calm you down and he seemed to notice.

“Are you alright, sweet girl?”

You were going to die anyway. Why not speak freely at least?

Forget his father. He’s dead. But you’re not. Not yet at least.

“You scared me last night.”

His brows furrowed. “When we-“

“No.” You said in a soft tone and slowly sat up, wrapping the sheets around your body. “I mean, yes. Kind of. But that’s not the problem. You scared me when you said…when you said you would kill me if I gave you a reason to.” Your expression and your tone of voice were almost child-like. Innocent and curious, not at all trying to guilt-trip him. Just a girl, scared for her life. Her sanity.

Herself.

“Oh, sweet girl.” He said softly as he sat up as well. He reached out to pull you on his lap, but you pulled back. He frowned, but he didn’t protest.

“I was simply-“

“What could get me killed?”

It was so sharp, so matter-of-fact, that it made him pause for a moment. He looked genuinely caught off-guard, like he never expected him to ask him such a question. And like he wasn’t sure how to answer it.

“What?”

“What could I say or do that would make you kill me?” You asked in a soft voice. Your heart was pounding wildly in your chest, but you tried to stay strong. You needed to get a point across. You needed to know.

He thought for a moment, before he leaned back and narrowed his eyes in a thoughtful frown.

“Another man.”

Cheating. As if you really were anything to each other, right?

Such a normal thing. People got killed over cheating all the time, didn’t they?

Or did they really?

“Another man.” You whispered. “Okay. What else?”

He hummed softly. “If you left me.”

“If I left you?” You meant it in a way as if saying; how would I be supposed to leave you? There aren’t even fucking windows here.

He nodded. “When you leave me, you’re no longer my girl. And I don’t have a reason to keep you alive, if you’re not.”

You swallowed thickly. How very refreshing. He was being honest at least. Wasn’t that what you wanted? And you didn’t know if this was better or worse. You had expected as much.

“Anything else?” You whispered hoarsely.

“No.”

Your brows shot up in surprise. “No? If I don’t cheat on you or leave you, you won’t-“

“No.” He said again, in that infuriating, calm tone.

“And if I insulted you?” You couldn’t stop yourself from asking. “If I hurt you? If I-“

“Don’t get me wrong.” The menacing bastard was back. “You don’t get to trample on me, sweet girl. In fact, you know what happens, if you do all that. You’ll get punished. And that didn’t change.” He narrowed his eyes further.

He took a long breath to calm himself and finally said: “I just didn’t want you to be terrified for no reason. I’m sure there are a few more things you can do that will definitely get you killed. So, try not to push my buttons too much. Don’t experiment. Don’t think you get any kind of power. All you are is my girl. Mine. Mine to use. Mine to torment as I please. You’re my plaything. My toy.” He got angrier with every word and you were sure, more than sure, you had done something terribly wrong.

“Mine to use however I see fit.” He gritted out. “Because that’s all you are to me.”

Every word stabbed a wound deeper and deeper into your soul. He didn’t love you. You weren’t an idiot. But a part of you had hoped, hoped so desperately, that you were anything more to him. Anything of meaning. Anything he cared about. Anything he thought about and smiled, when he went off to his mysterious workplace. Anything at all.

But you weren’t. You were his plaything. His fucktoy. His doll.

His girl.

Your face burned in shame and your guts churned painfully. You slowly looked down at your hands and folded them in your lap, while you kept the blanket pulled up to your chin.

“I wasn’t-“

“Yes, you were.” He hissed and roughly pulled your chin up, to make you look at him. “Did you hear me? You’re nothing more than a thing for me to use, a doll, something to dress up in a pretty dress and take my anger out on. Did you get that through your goddamn, thick skull? You’re nothing. Nothing at all.” He spat out.

At this point, you felt indeed like he had stabbed you. The knife was still there on the carpet by the bed. How very reckless. You could have stabbed him last night, didn’t he think about that? No, he was tired or maybe he just trusted himself to have broken you enough not to ever hurt him.

It was true. You wouldn’t ever hurt him. Not like that. That one punch was as far as it could go.

And now, as you sat there and listened to his cruel words, a small part of you suddenly wished he hadn’t bluffed, hadn’t used the knife as a way to find relief in his twisted mind. A part of you wished you weren’t there, to listen to his cruel reminders. The reminder that you were nothing.

Nothing at all.

You felt your hands shake, just the same second your lip quivered.

He was so angry, so furious, he hardly even recognized your presence. He wanted to make some point known.

You understood it now.

He would never love you.

But you? It was too late for you. You already loved him. And he was breaking your heart.

All your life you thought that couldn’t happen to you. You always assumed you were far too numb for these things.

A tear rolled down your cheek and you stared firmly down at your lap. Your hands were shaking furiously and your body shook with the sobs you choked back.

By the time he looked up again and saw the state you were in, his anger immediately disappeared. Something akin to horror took its place instead. He rushed forward without even thinking about it and held your arms tightly, tilting his head down below and staring up at you, to make you look at him.

“Wait.” He said quickly. “Wait. I didn’t mean it.”

You were stuck between pushing him away and letting him console you. But you knew there was probably nothing that could ever bring you back. Your heart, already broken and bruised, had just somehow been pieced back together by him, only for him to crush it again under the palm of his hand, under the cruelty of his words, under the weight of his actions.

You decided to push him back instead. At least for once, you tried to keep a semblance of dignity. It was a lost cause, but it meant something to you.

He let out a surprised exhale, but quickly rushed forward again, trying to get ahold of you, but this time, you struggled.

“Get off of me!”

“No, you need to listen to me!”

“No! No, get the hell off!”

“You need to listen!”

You struggled even harder and pushed him back, clawed at his skin and within seconds you found yourself in the middle of a physical fight. So far, he hadn’t tried to slap you or bring you to your senses anyhow, he just tried to make you focus. And when you hit against his chest or pushed him back by his shoulders, when you scratched his arms and pulled on his hair, he let you. Without retaliating. He let you.

You were just waiting for him to snap. A part of you might even have been hoping to get some kind of reaction out of him, because he had just hurt you so terribly. But he didn’t.

And when you pushed him back against the mattress, he let you.

And when you straddled his lap, he let you.

He even let you intertwine your fingers and press his hands against the bed.

He just let you.

You stopped struggling. Stopped fighting him and stopped trying to provoke anything.

You were on top him, your hair falling over your shoulders and framing your face like a waterfall. Everything else was suddenly gone. All that there was left were him and you. He stared up at you, his eyes wide and his expression one of quiet fascination. Of course he allowed you to take control. After all, all it needed was a tiny bit of strength from him and he’d have you pinned to the floor. But this time, he didn’t. He didn’t protest, didn’t fight back, didn’t even flinch. He allowed you to take the lead. He allowed you to take control of him.

When the thought hit you, you nearly choked on the air you breathed. And you breathed, heavily and quickly, until your breaths mingled into one. You leaned further down, so close that the tip of your nose almost touched his. His chest rose and fell quickly. You could tell, even though you kept your focus on his face.

“You meant it.” You whispered breathlessly.

He stared at you with his mouth slightly agape and then he slowly shook his head. “You’re more.” He whispered back.

More than a toy?

More than a doll?

More than just his girl?

You didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t allow yourself to hope, because if you did, the next time he crushed it, it would be ever harder for you to find back to yourself. And did you really want to risk that?

You shook your head, ready to come up with the next bitter, biting response, when his words caught you off-guard.

“You’re not only mine”, he said quietly. “I’m also yours.”

God, this was confusing. And slowly you felt yourself get as dizzy and nauseous as you would have on a rollercoaster. You hated rollercoasters, because you were afraid of them. You hated them, because you never went on one.

“You’re two people at once.” You whispered breathlessly. “How do I know, when your evil twin will be back?”

He smiled slowly. Even now, even when you felt heartbroken and furious, his smile meant so much to you. It made everything seem beautiful. Everything was easier. Nothing hurt.

Until it did.

“I know.” He whispered. “Maybe you could try and put him in his place, every once in a while.”

You stared at him with wide eyes. Did he really allow you to take control? Just like that? Was it a trick? Was it a game? A joke? Something even more evil he’d come up with?

Whatever it was, you were dying to find out. Because you were sure, you’d get punished anyway. So, why not make use of it?

You took a shaky breath and leaned further down, so close, until your lips almost touched.

“You really didn’t mean it?” You asked in the ghost of a whisper.

His gaze briefly wandered down to your lips, before he looked into your eyes again.

“No.” He whispered back. “Not even I am that dense.”

That nearly made you smile.

But just nearly.

Instead you did something else. You leaned further down, until your lips finally touched his. The kiss was feather-light and hesitant. The touch was so gentle, that you caught yourself asking yourself in your head, if it really was the same man.

He was letting you kiss him. He didn’t try anything. Didn’t try to part your lips or pull you closer. Didn’t try to push your legs apart. His hands were still motionless under yours, all that he did was slowly caress the back of your hands with his fingers.

He participated in the kiss. He kissed you back, obviously. But all he did was mirror your touch.

You were in control.

You gasped against his lips. You had no idea what to do. It felt odd. Maybe even wrong. The only things you had ever fantasized about were to get controlled by someone else.

Controlled by him.

And for you to control him, it sounded like an impossible endeavor. It felt like one, even more. But there you were. On his lap. Slowly guiding the pace.

You swallowed thickly.

“I don’t know what to do.” You whispered into the kiss.

He hummed very quietly. “Imagine I’m the good twin.” He whispered back and pulled back just enough to look at your face. “There is no right or wrong. Just do whatever feels good.”

You bit your lip as you watched him closely. It could still be a trick. But in the back of your mind, you knew it wasn’t. It was an attempt to heal you. Heal him as well, maybe. You were both damaged. Both two fragments, incomplete and alone. Was it possible that you could heal each other?

It sounded strange in your head. You wanted to be controlled. And he survived off the feeling of being in control. But maybe, just maybe, this was what you both needed. A role reverse. A chance to grow. A chance to connote. Just this once.

To become one, whole thing.

You took a deep, shaky breath and brushed your lips over his. You were still nervous. But you tried to do what he said. Just do whatever feels good.

And maybe it would.

You hesitantly, almost shyly, ran the tip of your tongue along his lower lip. His reaction surprised you. He moaned. You really expected him to get off on nothing but cruelty and violence. But somehow the feeling of you, of being with you, in any way, seemed to be enough.

You needed to try it. The shift. The control. Even just this once.

You slowly parted his lips with your tongue and yours met his in a timid, careful movement. He was still the one guiding you. But the biggest reason was, that you had no idea what you were doing. But he was holding himself back. You were on top, pressed against him.

He was yours.

Your man. Your psychopath. Maybe even your lover.

The kiss went on and your movements became more and more confident. You didn’t actually care what you were doing, as long as you heard the soft moans he tried to suppress. And every time he did, you couldn’t help but moan, too. Your tongues tangled in a sinful dance and you slowly slid your fingertips over his wrists and up his arms. Until you eventually reached his shoulders. His neck. His hair. His cheek. His chin.

You hadn’t realized how quickly you were breathing. All the time you expected him to push you away, to reject you, to stop you. But he never did.

Your hand stilled against his face and you pulled your head back to look at him. To see if he was going to stop you. Mock you. Hurt you some more.

But his expression was more earnest than you had ever seen before. You could see the way his throat bobbed slightly as he swallowed and the small, tiny frown of focus on his face. He looked much more mature in that moment than he usually did. When he wore that twisted smile, he looked younger. Carefree. But in that moment, he looked like a man who had seen life.

And death.

And taken a part in it.

He slowly parted his lips, when your fingers stilled against them, inviting you. Your mouth fell open and you inhaled sharply as you felt his tongue dart out.

“God, what are you-“ You stopped yourself and instead released the softest moan, when he ran his tongue along your index finger. His hand gently circled your wrist and he pressed his lips against the back of your hand. Your knuckles. And eventually each finger.

You watched him in awe, realizing you were only ever falling deeper for him.

What was it with that man that you loved him so much, despite all the pain he put you through?

Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore. The watching, the silence. You squeezed his hand and your head dipped forward. Your lips found his neck and you made a point of kissing each and every spot of skin you found on the way. His eyes fell shut and he took a shaky breath.

“No.” He whispered. “Wait.”

You immediately froze, expecting the inevitable rejection. But instead, he bit his lip and slowly slid his hands under your nightdress. The calloused skin of his palms ran up your back and he gently slid the material up, until he finally managed to pull it over your head and onto the ground. His gaze wandered from your face, down to your neck, where it lingered and eventually further down to your breasts and your stomach.

“God.” He whispered breathlessly. “God, you’re perfect.” He bit his lip again and met your gaze. “Let me worship you.”

A shiver ran down your spine and you tilted your head to the side, only to feel his lips brush along your earlobe and eventually over your neck. You closed your eyes and sighed softly. It was the best feeling in the world.

His lips caressed your neck and his tongue occasionally darted out, drawing a moan from your lips. He moved with devilish slowness, a torturous pace, slow enough to make you melt into a puddle of desire on top of him. A part of you almost wanted to beg him. Beg him to go faster, to touch you harder, to take you. But you didn’t. Because another part of you wanted to savor every second of this.

When you felt the wet heat of his mouth move lower and embrace the sensitive skin of your breast, you felt your eyes roll back in your head. The sigh that came over your lips was more of a moan. You gently buried your fingers in his hair and played with it. Every time his tongue slipped out to run over the curve of your breast, you felt your hips press down against his own on pure instinct. You felt how hard he was, painfully so. But he didn’t press his hips up against you, he didn’t even try once. He was skilled at ignoring his own need, when he wanted to. He made you feel like a princess. Like all that mattered in the world were you.

You squirmed and shuddered when he moved underneath you, brushing his tongue down a wet path on your stomach.

His hands encircled the back of your thighs and he held you firmly, his fingers gently digging into your skin. And he moved. Lower and lower. Until you felt his hot breath kiss the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. A soft whimper left you and you bit your lip to keep yourself from begging. He was going to give you whatever you wanted. Today, there was no need to beg.

He slowly but firmly pushed your legs apart, and settled in-between them, still lying on his back and ignoring his own ache. He shot you a pointed look, before he finally stuck out his tongue and rolled it over the warm wetness of your need.

“Oh, God.”

He hit every right spot at the first try and you could no longer stay silent. His grip on your thighs tightened and he silently encouraged you to move. Move. Take what you want.

You swallowed a shaky moan and began to tentatively move your hips. It didn’t take long for you to figure out how it worked, how you had to move. It was so easy and the pleasure rolled over you like a warm bath.

“Oh, God.” You whispered again, tightening your hand in his hair.

He did the most sinful things, sliding his tongue inside you and pulling it back out, running it along every spot, embracing your center of pleasure with his warm lips and it felt like Heaven. He knew where to kiss, where to lick, where to suck and where to flick his tongue. He knew everything. And in that moment, you didn’t care one bit about where he gained that knowledge.

Because he used it on you.

And he’d be using it on your for as long as you were his girl.

And you wanted to be his girl for the rest of your life.

“Yes. There. Right there.” You gasped out, moving your hips again and silently begging him to continue, to give you what you wanted, to give you him.

And he did nothing less than that. He kissed you like he’d kiss your lips, he tightened his grip, he didn’t let you back away. His mouth was firmly attached to your body, eager to give you everything you wanted. Letting you ride yourself to bliss.

Which was exactly what you did. You didn’t even realize it, by how suddenly it happened, but your release rolled over you like a flash of lightning. It felt more intense than ever. You felt everything deeply and he didn’t stop, until he was sure, you were entirely spent and satisfied.

You were still gasping for air, when he finally released his grip on you and looked up at you with a soft expression.

You stared at him, trying to catch your breath. All you wanted was to say something, anything, but no words came over your lips. All you managed was the gentle touch of your palm against his cheek. He smiled slowly and covered your hand with his own. Then he slowly moved back up, so that you’d straddle his lap again.

“How was that?” He whispered.

“Fuck.” Was all that you managed.

A low laugh rumbled in his chest, but no trace of mockery. Just satisfaction and a tad bit of pride. You forgave him. You would have forgiven him anything.

“Can I?” You finally whispered. You needed to know, if you were still in control.

He smirked. He looked so confident. Just like you always knew him. Confident and strong. In control. And yet…

“I’m all yours, baby. Ride me.”

You bit your lip. Your face flushed the tiniest bit, but you nodded. Now, this was making you really nervous. You had seen videos, but were you able to do it yourself?

Why not? You thought. Why not?

You leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss. Still slow and sensual, but you poured all the passion you felt for him in that kiss. And he responded in kind. He didn’t try to take control of your mouth. Instead he moaned against your lips, every time your tongue brushed against his. He ran a hand down your back and squeezed your behind firmly in his hand.

“Fuck, I need you to ride me or I’m going to die.” He groaned as he bit your lip. You responded with another moan. You still felt his hardness press against you, hard and ready and needy.

God, the thought alone. The thought that he wanted you that much. It drove you insane.

You swallowed thickly and carefully ran a hand down his chest, down his stomach, down his waist, until-

You smiled. You missed his throbbing, aching need and brushed your fingers gently along his thigh instead.

He glared up at you, a hint of desperation behind the repressed anger.

“I should have known this would come.” He hissed.

Your smile widened into a grin, as you teasingly caressed his side instead.

“What? I’m just doing what you do.”

He released a frustrated growl.

“You-“

“Come on.” You whispered. “Let me have this. Just this once.”

He was still frustrated, but the look in his eyes softened the tiniest bit.

“But I want you.” He murmured and you swallowed.

“How much?” You whispered. God, this was fun.

“How much?” He asked incredulously. “Can’t you feel how much?”

You hummed in the same way he normally would. So innocent. So devilish.

“Paint a picture with your words.”

He exhaled sharply. But eventually he calmed down and wrapped his arms around you gently.

“I need to be inside of you or I’m going to die. I’m going to die, I mean it.”

“Keep going.” You whispered. “Talk to me.” While you spoke, you shifted slightly on his lap, gently grinding down on him and letting him feel you. Just enough to make you gasp, not enough for him to enter you yet.

He bit his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.

“I want to feel you.” He murmured. “I want to fuck you. I want to be one with you. And I fucking want to cum inside you.”

A shiver ran down your spine and you sighed.

“Keep going.” You responded in a breathless whisper, as you ground down against him again. The friction was enough for your both to snap your eyes shut.

“I want you to cum.” He whispered back. “I want you to cum so hard, that it’ll make you cry.”

“Fuck.” You whispered breathlessly and buried your face in his neck. “Fuck, yes.”

You swallowed again and pulled your head back up, enough to rest your forehead against his.

“Let me move then?” You whispered. “Please?”

He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “But fucking get to it.”

You released a shaky sigh. You kept your forehead pressed against his and stared into his eyes, intense and deep, while you slowly spread your legs further. You shifted again, your movements a little awkward and insecure, but eventually you felt him press up against you and you felt his tip press against your entrance. And then you slowly lowered yourself down onto his lap. You felt him fill you, but it happened so slowly that you felt every bit of it. And all the time you kept your gaze fixed on his eyes. His reaction. Every moan, every sigh, every twitch. All of it was enough to make you moan in return. You slowly lowered yourself further down, until you felt him all the way. And when you did…You didn’t move. You stayed like that. Just feeling. Just feeling all of him.

And the look in his eyes was worth it.

You had never seen him this soft, this vulnerable before. Not even when he told you about his father. His eyes were softer than ever before and you suddenly realized; you had never seen him this needy. This desperate to feel you. You were sure, just a second more and he would either take control or beg you. But you couldn’t let that happen.

It was his first time to let someone else take control after all.

And you couldn’t have him begging. You couldn’t have him do anything that would make him feel ashamed, when he was so unabashedly doing everything in order to make you happy.

So finally you moved. Slowly and carefully, very unsure still. But you moved. And he moaned. And he moved. And you moaned.

You had never felt him this deep before, this hard, this raw.

“Ride me.” He whispered breathlessly. “Ride daddy’s cock, baby.”

Your face flushed even more, but all you could focus on were his words. You movements became more forceful, more frantic, more desperate. And as hard as he tried not to move at all, it was simply impossible. He pressed his hips up against you, letting you feel him, so hard and God, so desperate.

“Yes. Yes, babygirl, just like that. Let daddy fill you up.” He groaned out.

With every thrust, every move, you felt yourself get closer yet again. It felt like a fantasy.

“Yes. Yes, my sweet girl, my baby, my darling, my love-“

His eyes widened frantically. He panicked. You could tell. So did you. On the inside. But on the outside, you pretended. You pretended all you could, that you hadn’t heard it.

The L-word.

The word that nearly broke you.

No, you hadn’t heard it. He had never said it. It was just a slip-up. A simple mistake. Nothing to get hot and bothered about.

When he realized you didn’t react, he slowly calmed down again and tightened his grip on your hips. His own movements became more and more desperate, until he was pounding into you from underneath.

“Fuck, yes. Cum for me, my babygirl. Cum for me, my darling. Take every drop of my cum.”

His words were enough to drive you over the edge. With a sharp inhale, a breathless moan, you felt your own orgasm hit you again. And he went over the edge right with you.

Your lips just an inch apart and your eyes fixed on each other.

Deep.

And raw.

“Yes.” He growled. “Oh God, yes. Fuck, yes. My girl. My girl, my...” His voice cracked and he came with a roar. He pushed his hips against you with a fervor that nearly left you bruised from the inside and it made your release drag on and on, until you felt you were about to take off to the sky.

It took you a few seconds, but when you both finally came back down from your high, you realized you were still staring into each other’s eyes. You mouth slightly agape and gasping for air, your brows furrowed and your bodies still connected in the most intimate way. You didn’t want him to withdraw yet. You wanted to feel his release run along your thighs. You wanted to feel dirty like that and at the same time you wanted something else entirely.

Stay close.

Stay together.

My love.

The word kept echoing through your mind like a poem, like a curse.

Like a death warrant.

My love.

He buried his hand in your hair and gently tugged on it.

“That…was…”

You had never seen him speechless before. The sight stirred so much in you.

You idiot girl. He hurt you, he hurt you so terribly and all you wanted right now was him beside you, at all times, maybe with a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly.

God, you were just as insane as he was. Probably even more so.

He was a psychopath. What was your excuse?

You tried to distract yourself from your thoughts and so you decided to take control a last time. Your head dipped forward and you kissed him. With a tenderness that made your heart ache. And he responded. With a softness that left you breathless.

My love.

Half an hour later, you finally managed to get your hands off of each other. After you finished your bathroom routine, he invited you to the shower with him. You’d join him in a minute, you decided, while you were on your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Your mouth felt dry, your whole body did actually.

You felt sore as hell, but God. God.

The memory of it made you smile. You had never felt more loved in your life. Never felt more special, more desired, more…

A sound made you snap out of your thoughts and you looked up from the ground. What you saw made your heart stop.

The door.

The fucking door.

You mind went blank and your heart stopped beating.

The fucking door was open.

You swallowed thickly. Was it a test? Probably. Did you consider leaving?

You took a deep breath and slowly stepped into the hallway. The front door was open and there was that visitor’s terrace with a glass door attached to it, which led to the great staircase of the apartment complex.

It was a test. Or something equally cruel.

But what if it wasn’t?

What if he truly made a mistake? He was only human after all.

You stared at the glass door like you would have stared at an alien.

This was probably your only ever chance. To flee. Escape.

Get back to…

To what?

To normality, you told yourself.

To safety.

A lump formed in your throat. Did you want that? Did you even want to leave?

Even if it wasn’t a test, did you truly want to leave him?

The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth. It almost felt like acid and it weighed like a heavy stone on your heart. The thought of sleeping alone again, of never seeing his silly smile again. Even the twisted one, you’d miss.

The thought of never feeling his lips on yours again.

His hands in your hair, his voice in your ear.

His everything.

Him.

You were his girl.

You couldn’t just up and leave. What was there in the world for you?

Maybe this was exactly your destiny. Him. Him. Him.

He was all you needed, right? He took care of you. He provided for you.

He loved you. In his own, twisted way.

My love.

You couldn’t, you decided. You couldn’t leave. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t ever-

The sound of someone’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, but to your horror, it wasn’t him. Your eyes widened impossibly when you saw the form of a man approaching.

He looked like a janitor or something like that. A man far past his prime with greying hair and a kind smile.

God, you had missed kindness.

But no, no, you were his girl. You were his girl. You wouldn’t ever leave.

You took a step back like a cornered animal as the man approached and said something to you in Korean. When you backed away even more, he stopped and his eyes widened in surprise.

He kept talking to you, kept speaking in that reassuring tone of voice.

“I…don’t…understand.” You breathed out.

You didn’t even realize how you must have looked, terrified and broken. A faint mark on your cheek. Your clothes crumpled. Bite marks, love bites, more marks on your throat.

He frowned slightly and tilted his head to the side.

“Miss-“ He said in a thick, Korean accent. “Miss- The man that’s live here- The man- Is he-“

In that moment, you felt it. His presence was so prominent, you didn’t need to hear him call out to you. You just felt it. He came in, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair wet from the shower. He most likely came to look why you hadn’t come yet.

You quickly spun around and met his gaze, your expression horrified. Your eyes were so expressive.

The door was open. He came by himself. It wasn’t my fault. Please! It wasn’t my fault!

Something hard flashed through his eyes, but it was only visible to you and it was only there for the blink of an eye. And then it was gone and it got replaced by the tight smile.

A tight, polite smile, directed at the janitor in the doorway. He spoke to him in Korean and stepped closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You stared at the ground, completely horrified.

Oh no, you thought.

Oh no. This is it.

_____________________________

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@hayakamis-blog Thank you for your lovely request, I loved the idea and I hope it turned out the way you hoped!

Author's note: I'll be honest with you, guys, this chapter cost me YEARS of my life, omg. I wrote 5000 words yesterday and then realized I didn't like what I was writing, so I deleted everything and did this today instead. I hope it was the right decision! On a super exhausted note, I'll try to answer all of your sweet, lovely messages in time!!! I'm not even exaggerating, a few of them really made me cry. Not almost, but for real. I don't know what I did to deserve all this kindness and love, but I really, really love you all! SO much!

[ultralightpoe]

Anti-hero - Roy Kent

Authors Note : Based off a request I got {Could you do a Jamie or Roy fic with a girl who feels self conscious as their date to a gala or something? Lots of fluff and comfort! If you don’t want to write it, no worries 💜} A quick reminder that you are all beautiful and truly wonderful. You all deserve the world, and I hope you all find your own Roy Kent. -Ultralightpoe

Word Count: 3,997

Warnings: self doubt. curse words

Requests: OPEN

Main Master list - - Midnights Event List

(Thank you for the gif @50shadesofpemberlypost )

x Enjoy x

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift

All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

- 

It had been an issue for years, one that was directly caused by your mother. 

It’s not that she was a villain, and it wasn’t like she knew she was doing it anyways, it was always something that just managed to slip out of her mouth in passing moments . A quick ‘that shows your back fat’ there and a ‘are you sure you like that color? It washes you out baby’. Always said with that tone that made you rethink every decision in life. 

She did it out of love. 

But the comments she made built up, that and the pressure of school and social media building up. It all took a toll on you. You found your life mixed with new issues. Anxiety, self-doubt, depression, and you became a new person. 

It was like a shadow version of you, one that tracked how much she ate and thought about how loud she laughed and how much was too much talking. Every single move you made was tracked and overthought.

But then Roy came into the picture. 

At first you did what you usually did, you tried to speak low and not draw too much attention. Tracking how much you laughed and how much you ate. It was fine because your friend group never really realized it, they didn’t know a thing was out of place. But Roy, who had been brought by his sister, was quick to call it out. 

“Fucking stop that.” He muttered when you tried to fix your skirt, using his hand to slap yours away. “You look fucking perfect. Take a breath, yeah?”

“I just…. I’m debating the color, everyone else wore pastels and I hadn’t realized that it would be that type of party.” You admit, body hot with embarrassment as a group of girls pass you at the party. But that was the least of your worries, you had eaten too much cake and had tripped on the stairs in front of your friends. Could everyone see your makeup on your neck? Were they laughing at you-

“Do you overthink everything?” Roy blurts, catching your elbow to pull you back gently as a waiter with a heavy tray passes by. “Because I’ll tell you right now that you’re the prettiest fucking woman at this party.”

“You can’t say that at someone’s birthday party.” You laugh, stepping closer to him without realizing. “That’s one of the biggest rules. It’s like saying someone is prettier than Aphrodite. Next thing you know that person will be cursed to marry your father because the goddess hates you.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s…. Greek mythology. I’m not going to marry my dad. It… okay. I’ve ruined this so I am just going to-” You move away quicker than he can follow and you think that it was over. But you had not known just how determined Roy Kent was. 

Soon enough he was taking you out, one date became 4 which led to a relationship. 10 months in and you were the happiest you had ever been. He saw you, in every outfit and every mood and every way, and he loved you just as you were. 

But there was something you didn’t expect, the amount of attention that would come with dating a professional football player. It was a whole new demon in itself. 

- 

I should not be left to my own devices

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis (tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

'Cause you got tired of my scheming

(For the last time)

- 

Lunches with your mother were the worst, and yet you loved her more than anything. Today she chose an extremely fancy restaurant dressed in a Valentino outfit and her makeup to perfection as she cut her salad up with her fork and knife. 

“Oh this is dreadful.” She sighs, shaking her head. “There is barely any chicken in here. This is insane. Do you see chicken?”

“There is chicken.” Roy shrugs, narrowing his eyes a bit. Lunches with them were always such a weird dynamic considering they were exact opposites. Your mother looked for drama, she thrived off of arguing. Roy chose brutal honesty, he worked best on shutting arguments down before they could even start.  “It’s right there.”

“Oh, baby that is a terrible color on you.” She huffs, sitting the plate back down and turning her glare on you as her hand raises to call the server over. “It washes you out. What have I told you about-”

“She looks fucking stunning today.” Roy scoffs, blinking slowly. 

“It’s fine.” You whisper to him, trying to defuse the situation. 

“No, it’s not.”

“Now I read somewhere that there is a big fundraiser gala coming up, it was in the paper. I assume you both will be attending.” Your mother begins, smiling when the server starts heading over. “You should let me dress you darling. I know how you get anxious about that all and I want to make sure you look your best.”

“She’ll look bloody fantastic in anything-”

“Oh you finally decided to serve your table.” Your mother interrupts him, talking to the server and completely disregarding your boyfriend. 

He takes a moment to lean over to you, catching your eyes. “I’m about to stab my fork into my fucking eye.”

“I know.” You smile, leaning in closer to kiss his cheek which makes him growl a bit at the pda but you see the smile he fights off anyways. “We’ll be gone soon.”

“You look great and the dress you pick will be fantastic. Don’t listen to her.” He gruffs out. 

“Have you seen those posts of you two? They were commenting on your age difference and I just want you to know that I do not think you are too immature for him. Truthfully honey I am proud, I never thought you’d make it with someone so accomplished. I mean it’s not like you had many prospects.” She laughs as the server sends Roy a wide eyed look while taking her plate away leaving the table once more. 

“That’s it.” Roy snaps, slamming his silverware down on the table and pointing his finger at her. “You watch how you speak to her. She’s perfect. And she will be a bombshell at the gala.”

Your mothers face flushes, blinking at him slowly as Roy goes back to his meal like nothing happened while you fight off a smile, your foot rubbing his calf under the table in a silent thank you before you try to pull it back only for his legs to slam shut keeping your foot held there. 

He sends you a sharp look, but the corner of his mouth curves up and you know that was his way of showing his love so you take it, smiling right back at him. 

- 

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

- 

The dress you chose for the gala was perfect, you were excited to wear it and truthfully you were excited about the whole thing. This would be the first event you had ever attended with the Richmond team in the public eye, and you wanted to make a good impression. 

But your mothers words from the years rang through your head constantly as you waited for their practice to end, leaning against the wall in the hallway as you thought about everything. 

“Oh! Hello.” A angelic voice rings out, pulling your attention to Rebecca Welton coming down the hallway, making you stand up quickly. 

“Ms. Welton! Hi, hello, hey…. I’m saying hi in too many ways.” You blush, moving to shake her hand. “It’s great to see you again.”

“I was just about to say the same thing. Are you waiting for the boys?”

“I am, yeah. My car is in the shop so I need a ride.” 

“Oh lovely, will I be seeing you at the gala? I have been planning it for weeks, my ex husband used to plan it. The wanker.”

“I’ll be there. I just hope I dress well enough.” You laugh slightly, but her eyebrow raises and you panic slightly. Did everyone on this team just see right through all your shit? 

“You’ll look perfect. I wish I still had a figure like yours.”

“ANGEL!” Someone calls out before you are lifted into the arms of Danny Rojas, kissing the side of your face as he swings you around. 

“Alright. Set her down, will ya?” Roy snaps, coming around the corner and rubbing his knee as Danny sets you down quickly, kissing your cheek one more time before heading away. You lean forward and rub Roy’s knee right where you know he feels the most pain. 

“Is it hurting a lot?” You mumble, as he pulls your hand away. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

“No, I just don’t want to moan in the middle of this hallway. Let’s go home?” Before you can even answer he is grabbing your bag and moving to take you to the car. 

- 

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

And I'm a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city

Pierced through the heart, but never killed

- 

Roy was in a shit mood the day of the gala, slamming cupboard after cupboard. You knew he was irritated about having to dress up and see the reporters that used to write about him all the time, and you knew in moments like this it was best to let him work through it. But sometimes you just couldn’t stay away. 

Shuffling closer, in his shirt, you wrap your arms around his center and shove your face into his back. He huffs out as he keeps swiping  the sponge against the counter, but he doesn’t push you away so you take a chance and kiss between his shoulder blades. “It’s going to be okay. What they say about you doesn’t matter.”

He sighs out, letting go of the sponge before turning around in your arms and wrapping his own around you, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“You were young and they were assholes for that…. So fuck them.”

“Fuck them.” He repeats. 

“You’re going to walk by them in your fine ass suit with your fine ass body-”

“Please don’t objectify me.” He mumbles, but a smile is already on his lips as he leans down to kiss you deeply before pulling back. “And I will have the brightest fucking gem with me tonight.”

“Oh, c’mon.” You blush, trying to pull back but his arms are tight around you. 

“I think we need to fuck.” He huffs kisses at your face again. 

“Don’t be so crass!” You laugh, trying to escape him and shuffling you both to the bedroom right as your phone rings. “It’s my mother.”

“No. Don’t answer.”

“I have to, or she’s gonna be mad.” You answer back, watching his face turn dead serious as he looks at you. His hands come up to rub at your jaw. 

“You listen to me you little rat.” He mumbles, you fighting back a laugh at the nickname. “Don’t listen to a word she says, because you are beautiful.”

“I won’t. I promise.” You promise, kissing his lips deeply and losing yourself to the kiss for a moment before he pulls back and shuffles to continue cleaning the counter. You swipe your thumb across the screen and mumble out a “Hello mother.”

“Oh you’re there! I thought you were about to ignore my call.” She snaps through the phone. 

- 

Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism

Like some kind of congressman? (Tale as old as time)

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I'll watch as you're leaving

And life will lose all its meaning

(For the last time)

- 

You broke your promise, and you let your mother get the best of you. 

Her words from earlier bounce around your mind as you get ready. You debate whether or not your hair looked healthy as you spray hairspray across it. Did it look greasy? Untamed? Could they see your split ends?

Was your nail polish the wrong color? Was there a patch of hair on your legs that you missed? Did the dress color wash you out? Did you look too heavy? Was it too late to cancel?

“You look…. “ Roy blinks, coming up behind you to help zip the dress. “Fuck.”

“Is that good?” You ask, biting at your lip as he leans to kiss the nape of your neck. 

“Good? You look bloody amazing.” He snaps, kissing your neck one more time before standing straight. “Now let’s go make money.”

“What are we fundraising for? I never looked into it?”

“I have no fucking clue.” 

“Right.” You laugh, turning with your hand in his as he kisses your knuckles softly. “Then let’s go make money for whatever needs money.” 

“Make a fortune.”

- 

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)

At tea time, everybody agrees

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

- 

Your lip was worn down from the amount you had been biting it. 

Walking up to the gala you saw a red carpet with dozens of flashing cameras and begin to panic as you get closer, your hand tightening in Roys as he stands straighter. You would not be able to handle the cameras and see your picture all over the internet. What would people say? They would trash you, oh how bad would it be?

But Roy, ever the perfect man, simply held your hand tight and walked across the red carpet with a confidence that made your skin hot. He muttered to each that called his name, his voice deep and uncaring. “No. No. Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck no.”

A smile blooming across your face as you let him lead you into the building where everyone is walking about with drinks in their hand. 

“I’m going to go get us drinks. Your usual?” He asks, waiting for your nod before heading in the direction of the bar leaving you standing there to take a look around. 

You took your chance to look around at everyone around you, smiling at anyone you make eye contact with. The anxieties began rising, as every gorgeous female passed you in their perfect dresses. Was your dress cheap looking? Did you look pathetic?

You were caught up in your thoughts as Jamie approached with his date, a model that introduces herself with a hug that makes you sniff caramel, leaving you with a crater in your chest as you look at her perfection. Jamie talks about the gala, looking around at everyone as a flash makes you blink, all three of you turning to the person that just took your picture. 

“The actual fuck?” Jamie scoffs, staring at him. “We were having a conversation, ye?”

“Sorry.” The man nods, moving to walk off and bumping into Nate with another apology. “Didn’t see you.”

“Hi Nate.” You smile, trying to seem calm when he walks up. “You look great.”

“Thank you! Mr. Lasso actually bought me this suit.”

“Who?” You blink, trying to see who he had been talking about. It wasn’t meant to be a snappy or snide comment, you had yet to be introduced to the new coach and the name didn’t ring a bell at first. But the second you saw the man with the mustache owning the crowd not far off you knew who Nate was talking about. 

But when you turn back to Nate you see a glare set on his features, his cheeks a little red as he blatantly looks away from you. “You look great, Jamie. You as well Keeley.”

Then he walks off, bumping into you harshly as he passes which makes the blonde look at you with wide eyes as Jamie excuses himself for another drink. 

“Oh, that was extremely rude of me. I shouldn’t have asked about the coach- that was-”

“What are you talking about?” She blinks, looking extremely confused. “You didn’t do anything wrong?”

“Here you are.” Roy grunts, handing you the chilled glass. “Keeley.”

“Hello Roy.” She smiles before Jamie whistles to pull her over. 

“Did he just call her like she was a dog?” You ask Roy as she walks over, and he shrugs. 

“He’s a wanker. Always has been and always will be.” Roy grunts out, rolling his eyes. “He doesn’t ever pass the ball. And he is a massive tool. You should hear some of the things he says to-” He begins to explain as you try to smooth out your dress before his hand shoots out to stop you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Your answer was too quick, his eyes narrow and he catches it. 

“What happened?”

“I just…. I think I upset Nate because I asked to Lasso was and I didn’t mean to and everyone here looks amazing. But I’m fine. Everything is fine.” 

“Did that little fuck say something?”

“No. It’s fine Roy. Everything is fine.” You smile, leaning forward to kiss his lips which he allows before moving back and holding his hand knowing he doesn’t like pda.  “Let’s go find our seats?”

- 

I have this dream my daughter in-law kills me for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

The family gathers 'round and reads it and then someone screams out

"She's laughing up at us from hell"

- 

“Hello Roy, you handsome devil you.” A southern voice rings out, walking up to where you and Roy were seated together. “And what pairs so well with a handsome devil? An angel.”

“The devil is technically… well historically the devil is an angel.” You blush, immediately feeling stupid as the fun fact slips from your lips. “Well, I mean- I’m sorry that was stupid.”

“Stupid? Absolutely not. I feel ashamed that I didn’t know it.” He laughs, leaning to shake your hand. “My name is Ted, all my friends call me Ted which means you must.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you. Roy was telling me about all the new techniques at your practices.” You smile, making your boyfriend shake his head. 

“I said nothing good.” Roy huffs.  

“He said everything good.” You smile which makes Ted smile back. 

“You both look fantastic. Have a drink on me, since it’s an open bar.” Ted jokes, moving to walk away as Roy places his hand on your lower back. 

“Why the fuck would you tell him that I said good things?” He huffs and your stomach drops. 

“I’m sorry. It was just teasing and you do always say great things about him so-”

“Take it easy. You are fine.” He shakes his head. “Are you okay?”

You hadn’t noticed but your fists had clenched and your nails were digging into your skin, his own fingers were quick to make you release the hold and rub his thumb over the crescent marks left on your skin before bringing your hand up to kiss your palm. 

“I thought you hated pda.” You whisper, leaning so your foreheads were pressed together as he pretended to roll his eyes. 

“Fuck it. I have a gorgeous date and I deserve to kiss her in public.” 

“Are you sure? It’s a big move for you.”

“Have you seen yourself? Prettier than the goddess aphrodite.” He smiles and your eyes widen. 

“How. Dare. You! What have you done? I’m going to have to marry my dad now. Roy, how could you have done this to me?” You laugh, shaking your head. “I also cannot believe you remember that from almost a year ago.”

“Of course I remember.” He blinks. “That was the first conversation I had with the love of my life. Who would forget that?”

“Oh knock it off.” You mumble, shaking your head. 

“Knock it off? Knock what off?” He snaps. “Do you realize how fucking lucky I was that day? The day you looked at me? My life was made. The second best day of my life.”

“Second?”

“Second. My niece’s birth is the first.” 

“I’m fucking honored.” You laugh, smiling from ear to ear. 

“Did you just cuss?”

“I did. I’m sorry. My mother would kill me.” You blush. 

“Can I be honest with you for a second?”

“When are you not?”

“Fuck your mother.” He blurts, which makes your eyes widen. “I hate her. I think she is miserable and you are far fucking prettier than aphrodite and you don’t have to worry about the goddess making you marry your dad because I will be marrying you. No goddess or god could keep me from you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You’re stuck with me. And I need you to stop being to fucking mean to yourself. You hear me?” He asks seriously. “Because that’s the love of my life you are talking about.” 

“I can try.” 

“Good. Now lets get another round and wait this fucking gala out. Then lets go get actual food because I know you skipped lunch.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You smile before a flash blinds you once more, making you both whirl to the man with the camera. 

“You fucker-” Roy begins to stand as he dashes off. 

- 

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

It's me, hi, everybody agrees, everybody agrees

- 

You both end up at a late night potato stand, sitting on one of their benches as you both laugh at the memory of the auction that had taken place. 

“A fucking grandma bid on me. You know how embarrassing that was?”

“Hey! I bid on you too!” You laugh, body shaking from laughing so hard. “And Keeley!”

“Keeley was pissing that little wanker off.” He huffs, rubbing your thigh gently as you keep his blazer wrapped around you. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”

“Thank you for bringing me. I am sorry I upset Nate-”

“Stop saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He mumbles, leaning to dig his spoon into your baked potato and take a big mouthful of it. “Fuck. That is good.”

“You say that about anything I get! You always do this!” You laugh, pretending to pull the potato away. 

“You always choose better!”

- 

It's me, hi (hi), I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)

At tea (tea) time (time), everybody agrees (everybody agrees)

I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

- 

“Fuck!” You wake up to the sound of Roy yelling from the kitchen, rushing to wrap yourself in the sheet left on the bed from last night as your feet pad across the floor to find where he is at. 

You find him sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee, glaring at his laptop, until he sees you coming out of the bedroom in just a sheet. 

“Fuck.” Unlike his last curse this one is said with a lusty tone, setting the coffee down as you come closer to the couch and move to sit by him. 

“What’s got you so mad, handsome?”

“They posted a picture of me and they said I’m retired. What fucks.”

“Is it a bad idea? To be retired?” You ask, moving to straddle him before he can pull an attitude. “You would have more time with me. More time to hang out and cuddle and sleep and…. You can finish the rest.” 

“.....Fuck.”

[ikol-art]

Hello! I'm trying to get into comics Loki more. I've only read Agent of Asgard though. I was just wondering in what order should I read the comics?

Hi! I'm so sorry I completely missed this ask 🙈

My go to answer for when you want the most important modern Loki comics is this:

-Journey into mystery first (it helps to know what happened in Siege but you don't have to read it), this one will rip your heart out

-Young Avengers after that, which is more fun (but still, it's Loki, the angst is a given)

-Agent of Asgard goes here, including the Original Sin event, loml, reason I exist blah blah so a reread should always be on the table, Al Ewing and Lee Garbett the ultimate combo

After that there's more comic hopping and it can get confusing, but I read all of them so you're getting all of them

-Mighty Thor 2016, I liked Jane Foster as Thor but I have to admit that I mostly read all the non-Loki comics for Loki anyway and skip over parts where he's not involved sometimes 😂

-Infinity wars

-Thor 2018 (vol 5)

-Wolverine infinity watch 2019

-War of the realms 2019

-Loki the god who fell to earth 2019, this is a loki comic again, but it was cut short so we never got to see it's full potential, still fun

-Thor 2020, very healing for brodinsons fans, Al Ewing and Lee Garbett team up for the anniversary issue again

-Marvel defenders beyond 2022, loml goddess of stories loki mwah mwah, Al Ewing remains the best

-Loki 2023, more fem Loki mwah mwah

-Immortal Thor 2023 (still going), SKALD LOKI I REPEAT SKALD LOKI also still praising Al Ewing, and Lee Garbett worked on one of the upcoming issues as well

That's it for the most important parts of Loki's comic journey, yay!

Less plot, more Agent Loki:

-Miss Marvel issue 12

-Squirrel Girl comics, I adore her comics so this is a hint to just read all of those as well

-Doctor Strange issues 381-385 for sorcerer supreme Loki specifically, but he is also in Squirrel Girl

More kid Loki:

-Asgardians of the galaxy

Like feeling things?

-King Thor 2019

-Thor: what if

Want some fun good times?

-Alligator loki

-Thor and loki double trouble

-Marvel meow infinity comic

-House of harkness (still going I believe? But I need to catch up with this one)

Not sure what to say about these but hey:

-Marvel's voices infinity comics (from memory he's in America's, iceman's and Loki presents.. but you don't need these, I read them because Loki)

-Vote loki... if you want to torture yourself, read this, the art style is.. a choice

-Thor season one, this is a more classic comics one, I love Loki's outfit here, also he's a little shit in this, 10/10 recommend

-Mighty valkyries, I don't even remember what happened here, he was in it.. but that's all I know

-Axe judgement day Iron Fist, also not sure what the point of this comic was but it had Loki's aoa design and some flashbacks I think

There's still a lot left out, single issues, small crossover things, but I think you've got enough to read here 😂 (also I may have forgotten things because it's a LOT so if anyone wants to add, feel free)

[kerink]

putting aside my issues with continuity (because i know there's a debate about what "continuity" means in wtnv) and putting aside my personal preferences, i'd like to talk about what's made me unhappy the last two seasons:

i think the story telling is bad

that's not to say brinknor aren't creative people and good writers, they are. that's why i listen to and enjoy the show. i've also read their more stand-alone and self-contained works, i know they are talented. this is not a dig on them or their abilities. if i didn't like them or their work i wouldn't bother with it

the main issue, for me, is that i think the last two seasons have been trying to cram in more ideas than the season length has air for, so we're not seeing the complete story. i think too much is being left intentionally vague for fans to play with in a way that doesn't work

year 10 ends with carlos becoming a night vale citizen and him reflecting on whether or not he's okay with that, whether or not he feels like he actually belongs here, despite that having been his main struggle while he was trapped in the dow. we saw that although carlos has committed to and prioritized night vale, and that was ostensibly enough for him to be accepted, he did not actually accept night vale back. we assumed that carlos' commitment to cecil over his work was him finally finding his place, but all it was was him finding his priorities. maybe it wasn't that night vale had rejected him, maybe it was that night vale was attempt to protect its voice, and only allowed carlos back once he agreed to love cecil like the town does

and then janet shows up. at the end of year 11, janet said that her primary motive for coming to night vale was to get back at carlos. we saw blake bullying carlos for having abandoned the university and how he's viewed as a disgrace. we saw the university staff threaten cecil. janet ruins the town that got carlos' name on the map. all of these events are congruous with the above struggle: does carlos belong in night vale or does he belong in the real world? is carlos a citizen or an interloper?

but that isn't the main struggle that plays out. other than what was stated above, and janet making a few backhanded remarks about carlos' bad science, there is zero evidence that janet's primary motive was to hurt carlos until she says so at the very end. in fact, at the beginning of the season, she stated that he primary motive was to make night vale normal. that's in line with her actions far more than hurting carlos is. hurting carlos feels like a bonus to what janet actually wants: to be in control and in charge. the majority of the season is spent antagonizing dana (which was narratively unsatisfying because it was a bland rehash of the a matter of blood arc, but i digress). carlos is not a participant in this story, he hides and he lets the city protect itself, he lets cecil take the heat for him

and when we step back and look at y11 in the context of the primary theme of y10's finale we learn the answer: carlos is an interloper

as soon as science becomes threatening again the town turns on him. they reject him, they strip him of his power, they judge cecil for being with him. the town did not accept carlos, they had a truce with him formed out of his marriage to cecil

y11 left a lot of questions unanswered: how long has carlos actually been gone? what contact did he have with the university after y1? who is still looking for him? what role does dr. kayyali and her search party have in this? was the glow cloud (all hail) the only perma-death?why did janet's explanation of the glow cloud (all hail) not kill its child too? why did the university have such a large staff? why did the entire staff turn on janet so easily and so quickly?

and narratively it feels unsatisfying because janet's stated motives were not in congruence with her actions. which fine. people lie. maybe janet was lying about what she wanted to prevent carlos from meddling. maybe she did want to ruin night vale for him but got distracted by the whole doubles thing so picked that up as a side project. maybe we only heard so much about what janet was doing to dana because cecil cares about dana and carlos asked cecil not to talk about the plan he was forming to defeat janet. i can accept all of that, i just wish we'd gotten a whiff of it instead of having it entirely being left to interpretation

so we leave y11 with questions about what the point of it all was when a) there was only 1 permanent consequence that we're aware of and b) it didn't provide us any new information. we got the most about carlos' backstory we've ever gotten, but that was really the only thing you could say came out of y11. and even learning that about carlos felt violating, felt inappropriate, furthered our question of who is carlos and what role does he have in town

and it seems like carlos felt it too, because he decides to go back to the dow. when he was there he gained wisdom about himself and who he was and what he wanted from life. he figured himself out and found his place in the night vale. after a year of having his status as professor robles of the university of what it is questioned and derided by janet and her team, and having his status as carlos the scientist hero of night vale scorned and rejected by the town, he wanted to return and gain clarity on how he picks up the pieces of himself

but that's not what happens either!

the boy shows up and the story becomes about him. we don't learn where the boy came from, how he appeared in night vale, why he's in night vale instead of desert bluffs, how the timeline supports there being two kevins when back in e106 and e209 the timeline made sure to kill the duplicate cecil. how did no one see that the boy looked like cecil? it could have been a fun reveal if everyone thought it was another little cecil (also playing into all the palmer childhood lore this season) only to bait and switch it being a young kevin. we don't learn why tamika specifically took over raising him or how carlos instinctively knew to keep the boy away from his family. we don't learn how the boy was rapidly aging while in night vale or what age he wound up stopping at when kevin took him away. we don't learn why mother lauren absorbed him instead of killing him outright, since she seemed more than happy to try to get rid of kevin. what happened to the boy's desire to be his own person and create his own timeline away from kevin's fate? isn't the finale a tragedy and not a happy ending? what did this season matter if everything he learned about himself and the world was erased? the boy does not get a full story because too much air was given to lauren and kevin

with lauren we don't learn how she re-made a name for herself in desert bluffs too, how she got in the smiling god's good graces, how she manifested the power she presented with in night vale, how her rise to power impacted kevin's control over dbt, what the state of dbt is after lauren left for night vale, what was her motivation for even coming to night vale, what did the night vale chapter of the joyous congregation think about this, did carlos' killing the centipede matter at all and does anyone care? lauren does not get a full story because too much air was given to kevin and the boy

with kevin we don't learn what becomes of his theocracy, what becomes of his control of the church, what did his speech on changing even mean and how does it impact things when he's choosing to create a time loop? when kevin said he was going to bring someone back with him, who was he talking about? where are charles and donovan and what do they think? why do kevin and carlos not interact even a single time? does the night vale chapter of the joyous congregation care that their prophet has returned and what does kevin's defending of night vale mean for their beliefs? kevin does not get a full story because too much air was given to the boy and lauren

some of these questions are nitpicks, some are good things to leave vague and up to the audience. the main issue here is that: 1) the boy does not get a beginning to his story, the middle of his story ultimately didn't matter because mother lauren erased it, and he has no true ending because we already know what that looks like and in its being a time loop it will never end; 2) lauren does not get a beginning or a middle to her story; and 3) kevin's motives are totally all over the place. does he want to change or is he still so afraid of losing control that being able to control his own terrible future brings him some kind of closure? why is the best he can offer the boy the same horrific life he's spent the last century trying to recover from?

and carlos does not get a story at all. none of this mattered. carlos wanted to go back to the dow but he never did, he never got the chance, we never saw what he did with the time that he had. is carlos doomed to living in this space of not knowing who he is or what his role is because he quite literally had to pull the plug on the one place that offered him a safe haven to explore himself?

in trying to tell the stories of 4 people, no one got a story at all

and that's what's really frustrating, it's just felt like the last two season's haven't mattered, moved along the primary story, or evolved any of the characters in satisfying ways

y1 carlos decided to stay in night vale; y2 strexcorp was defeated; y3 cecil freed himself from lot 37 and carlos confirmed his decision to stay in night vale; y4 night vale freed itself from the beagle puppy and hiram mcdaniels was brought to justice; y5 night vale fell apart and had to find a way to anchor itself in reality; y6 focused on resting after y5 and had the 2 and 3 parters, diving deeper into specific characters; y7 was about fixing time and the consequences of doing so; y8 was about the delta flight; y9 was about frank chen; y10 was another character-focused rest season concluding in carlos becoming a citizen; y11 was the university of what it is; and y12 was about the boy

other than y11 and y12, all the previous seasons had lasting consequences on the story at large. they had domino effects into how future seasons would be focused. the outcomes of those seasons had permanent changes on the town and its people. everything janet did was erased by carlos. everything the boy went through was erased by mother lauren. janet's season should have led carlos down a path of continued self-discovery and reinvention. the boy's season should have led kevin to further growth and change, and could have paralleled the palmer family story by showing how kevin was trying to overcome his own trauma and build a family with charles. maybe it's just too soon. frank chen was murdered in y1 and it wasn't until y9 that his story was resolved. maybe i'm just hyper critical and impatient

but i feel like a lot of people are noticing this trend and are speaking up about it. i was active in the fandom from 2012-2015, and then picked it up again in 2021. it wasn't until y11 that i felt that a season wasn't finished. other seasons had left me with questions, had left some loose ends, but i always felt satisfied with where we were at once the summer hiatus hit. i don't feel that way with y11 and y12, i've walked away from both now going "okay now what? so what? huh?"

i don't know. i'm kind of running out of steam for this post. the point i wanted to make is this: y11 and y12 have not had character motives that have strongly correlated to their subsequent actions; i don't feel like characters are being given complete stories with beginnings, middles, and ends; and they've both left me feeling like none of it ultimately mattered

anyway. that's my two cents.

[leithillustration]

I’ve not done an end of year round up before, but here goes! Thank you @monbons and @iamamythologicalcreature for the tags, and @aristocratic-otter for the encouragement. Seeing everyone’s roundups has been really wholesome and enlightening. 

I often don’t give my successes much space for celebration as they tend to get drowned out by the noise of all my mental health difficulties, so this is an exercise in acknowledging the good things from 2024, as well as allowing space for the things I’ve struggled with (while trying not to sound too jaded and cynical 😅). This is a long one so everything is under the cut.

Landmarks: A few significant things

My border collie Simm turned 10

My godson turned 1

I lived with one of my best friends @hattedhedgehogfor 3 months during a time that otherwise would have been rubbish, but he made the whole summer a fun adventure

Inspired by Harry, I made a hand sewn Georgian shirt with ridiculous billowy sleeves. I’ve yet to find an occasion to wear it, but I hold out hope for 2025.

I played DragonAge for the first time (Inquisition) and was not normal about it. The above banner is my Inquisitor Dadron (named for his dad energy and likeness to Ron Swanson)

I started sharing my creative writing on Ao3 for the first time

Took more control over self care and my mental health

Achievements Unlocked: Heath Stuff

I love that some 2024 reviews share personal experiences living with health problems. It’s really validating to see that. It's so easy to forget other people struggle too, they just might not want to share that online. So before I get to the creative things I've done in 2024… watch me over share my health stuff??

Finished seeing my EMDR therapist First time in 4 years I’ve been without any kind of therapy and it’s terrifying but making me work on myself in a new way. Not sure I’m done with EMDR forever, or talking therapy, but I spent a year with a therapist I didn’t vibe with and it sort of added more issues to the pile, so I’m glad I left them.

Dumped GenderGP They replaced a load of their services (including doctors) with AI. After 2 years of treatment under them, I felt so betrayed and worthless. Thankfully I’ve still got a supply of testosterone for now.

Had a minor breakdown in July Work, house stuff, gender things and mental health all got the better of me in July. Things were incredibly bleak for a while there. Surviving is hard sometimes, but I am still here so taking that as a win.

Switched to a new NHS gender care waitlist Was 3 years into a possible 6-7 year wait for a London clinic. Now I am in year 1 of a possible 2-3 year wait for Nottingham. No idea if moving was a good call or not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Got on a private gender care wait list for a top surgery referral Yeah, UK trans private health care also has huge wait lists. No idea how long this one is, but I’ve been on it since August and haven’t heard anything yet

Got an ADHD diagnosis!! I am classic ADD, go figure. Had to go private for this too (who needs savings, right?) but I’m now in my 4th week of ADHD meds. It’s been A Time but it’s giving me hope (a tenuous, vulnerable thing) that maybe things won’t always be this hard.

Self Employment: Life as an illustrator in 2024

Always a mixed bag, made all the more challenging by the above health stuff, AI, and the general state of the economy, but in spite of this I have done the following:

Sold work at 6 events Norwich Queer Fest, Harrogate Airecon, UK Games Expo, Norwich Pride, Birmingham MCM, Norwich QueerFestmas. I was filled with imposter syndrome for most of these events, and I’m always very fatigued after, but I know it is good to push myself out of my comfort zone sometimes and I do enjoy meeting likeminded people and seeing people engage with my work. I had some wonderful interactions and I’m so grateful to everyone who came to say hi.

Did 2 actual IRL paintings I hadn’t painted with acrylics at all since around 2020 when I got an iPad. This year I decided to check I can still paint by hand and turns out I’m still ok at it.

Exhibited at a local gallery I also hadn’t exhibited in galleries since around 2018, so taking part in a group exhibition with my new paintings felt like a fun (and scary) opportunity this year.

Storyboarded ‘Unravelled’ graphic novella Unravelled is a horror story about knitting, written by LP Mills. Storyboarding this was a challenge since it required a level of focus I struggle to maintain, but I’m so pleased I was able to do it.  Sadly the kickstarter (that would have paid myself and Mills to fully illustrate and print it) wasn’t successful this year, but we’re holding out hope for future funding.

Illustrated ‘Football Crumpets’ play Football Crumpets is a queer audio comedy written by Lucie Isle. I made a series of character designs and spot illustrations for to advertise the Kickstarter campaign. This campaign was successful and the comedy is now in the process of being recorded by Lucie and her diverse cast of voice actors.

Experienced the worst client of my life I won’t go into detail as this broke me, I lost someone I thought was a friend, and I’ve struggled to build up confidence since. But discussing the experience with fellow creatives made me realise almost everyone has had a client from hell at one point or another. Lessons learned: Always write up a contract in advance and question anything you’re not sure about. Don’t compromise on your work boundaries for friends.

Had 3 character commissions Dramatically down from last year and I wonder how much is due to AI and no one having any money. Who knows! I love illustrating people’s OCs and Dnd characters, and the commissions I did get have been really fun. Two of them are in the banner above this section 👆

Snowbaz & Fandom Adventures

This is only the second year I’ve engaged with the lovely Snowbaz community and I am so glad I pushed myself to do it. I’ve made some wonderful friends and I’m sharing my writing publicly for the first time in years. I’ve not done much compared to most, but I’m trying to pace myself so I don’t burn out and stop enjoying it. I’m hoping to be healthier this year thanks to new meds, so with any luck I’ll be able to do a bit more than in 2024.

Snow On Ice (writer) (M, 3.8K words, chapter 1/12ish) For CORB 24 with concept and artwork by @iamamythologicalcreature is one of the first two fics I’ve ever shared on Ao3 and I’m loving every second of writing this!!

Boundless (writer) (T, 4.5K words, chapter 1/5) Also for CORB 24, this time with @cattocavo This one has taken a bit of a back seat as I’ve discovered the hard way that I can’t write two large fics at once (curse my limitations!!!) but I’m looking forward to getting back to this when I can, especially since Catto has already produced so much incredible artwork for it and it needs to be shared!!!

On Every Wall (artist) (E, 24K, chapters 2/2)written by @orange-peony for CORB 24. I love drawing these boys so much, dammit. It was so good working with Peony and seeing her story unfold based off my indulgent artwork (an edit of which is in the above banner). I wanted to draw so much more for this fic, but health and work got in the way.

Fics that have brought me comfort and joy:

I get through a lot of Ao3 fics, but wanted to give a shout out to the fics that have stayed with me long after reading them. I cannot get over the healing power of writing and how incredible it is that so many of us can find common ground in this way. 

Someone Wicked The first is @artsyunderstudy’s Someone Wicked (Snowbaz, E, Chapters). It wrecked me and then built me back up again in the best way possible. Seeing their artwork is always an inspiration too, and I have listened to their Something Wicked Playlist about a billion times. Like any well adjusted normal person, right??

Blame it on My Youth (Andreil AFTG, E, 1.5M words, Chapters 136/?) I still owe @yourficstheyglow a lengthy Ao3 comment on how much this fic has changed my life. It’s held my hand and encouraged me to look after myself better over the past 6 months in a way therapy never has. I vibed with their depiction of Neil SO HARD. His reluctance to engage with mediation and journalling is so relatable. Along with his frustration at people forever suggesting it to him, and then his irritation that it actually helps a bit. 😂 Reading about Neil shopping around for therapists, working on his communication and downloading self care apps (even though he hates it all every step of the way) has resulted in me printing out charts to help identify my emotions, making a spreadsheet of potential therapists to approach when I’m ready, journaling for the first time in yeeeears and getting a handle on my mental health in a way I never really have before. I even downloaded the stupid Finch app (after years of people suggesting it to me) because Neil did (I named by bird Neil). When I’ve felt lonely and sad, I’ve found reassurance and safety in Neil and Andrew being soft with each other, exploring their boundaries as Andrew works through his trauma from SA, stepping outside of their comfort zones, trusting each other and respecting each other’s limitations. 

Of Cats and Closed Doors (Fitzloved Rote, E, 785K words, Chapters 77/?) I’ve been dipping in and out of this fic by @tragediegh for a good 18 months now, if not longer. I am full of love for the Farseer Trilogy books and ate them up a few years ago. The Liveship Traders came next but then I got too in my head to ready the Tawny Man trilogy, since Fitz and the Fool are so dear to me I didn’t know how to handle them going through more trauma. I just want them to hug and kiss and be loved so badly!! Ellipsis provided a monumental dose of comfort and healing in this fic. It’s become my personal canon. Last year, thanks to this fic, I finally had the courage to start reading The Tawny Man trilogy. I’m on to book 2 now and although I am terrified, I know I can come back to Of Cats and Closed Doors to remind myself in Ellipsis’ universe everything turns out ok!

I think that'll do for 2024! Tags here are to say I appreciate you and thank you for chilling with me in the tumblrverse.

@youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @alexalexinii @cattocavo @that-disabled-princess

@orange-peony @cutestkilla @rimeswithpurple @larkral @best--dress

@scribble-tier @theimpossibledemon @artsyunderstudy @raenestee @thewholelemon

@nightimedreamersworld @itriednottothinkaboutit @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @angelsfalling16

@the-beard-of-edward-teach @monbons @katatsumuli

@aristocratic-otter @snowbazdaily @argumentativeantitheticalg @lovelyladzzzz @eremeldanin

[ageless-aislynn]

Title: “15 Minutes” (11/15) Author:  @ageless-aislynn​ Characters/fandom: Master Chief John-117/Reader, Halo the series Summary: John has learned something new that he'd like to show you… Series: How to date a Spartan (without even trying) Rating:  T (PG13) Length: 2,630 (this chapter, 27,487 total so far) Spoilers: Set in the Silver Timeline of Halo the series, not the games or novels. Though we began with the events of Halo 1x06, there will be no more show spoilers. We are still firmly seated in the AU Warthog, merrily driving out to places where there’s only a passing nod to canon. 😉 Disclaimer: Definitely not mine but I do enjoy borrowing them just for a bit! 😉 A/N:  Text is both here in this post or available at AO3, however you like to read. It's, yet again, been awhile since the last update, sad to say. I've been slogging through writer's block, health issues and some kinda awful real life stress but I'm not giving up on this fic (or its sibling, "Recreation"). I'd like to say that the final chapters will be here very soon but, well… I've learned to not call my shots, lol. I will, however, do my best to get them here as soon as I can. If you read, I hope you enjoy! ⭐💖⭐

Taglist: @pinheadbanger​ @mysardencut​ @laurenstacy610​ @sporadicbelievernightmare​ @ultrablackwidower​ @bxmxtx​ @jellotherelol @mirandastuckinthe80s

If you would like to be tagged in my John/Reader fics, just let me know! I also write John/Kai, John/Cortana and Kai/male Reader, so I’m glad to tag you for whatever you’d like. If you would like to be removed from the taglist, also feel free to let me know, no harm, no foul. 😉 💖

Halo fic masterlist ⭐

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10

PT arrived bright and early and, while you continued to bring out every expletive in every language you knew, ultimately it seemed your left side was improving: more range of motion in your shoulder and more strength in your leg, though the healing fractures still ached. All together, though, it was a win, no matter that it left you sweating and shaking like you'd wrestled an Elite and lost spectacularly.

You'd just come out of the shower and put on a fresh set of clothes when the door chimed. To your surprise, you found Riz and Vannak in their civvies standing there. You knew Silver Team had been on stand-by for the past few days – John hadn't been able to join you for every meal, understandably, but he had been there every night. Sleeping curled up in his arms was a luxury you weren't sure how you were going to give up when the time came. Kai and her friend had visited but this was the first time the other two Spartans had.

"Please, come in," you said and they did.

"You need new curse words," Riz said seriously.

"We got here while you were doing your therapy," Vannak explained. "Didn't want to interrupt."

"You could hear me cussing out in the hall?" you asked.

"Superior Spartan hearing," she said, matter-of-fact. "I doubt anyone else could."

"Teach her the one," he urged in as animated a tone as you'd ever heard from him before. "You know, the good one."

Which is how you ended up getting a tongue-twisting word in Sangheili added to your arsenal.

"You say that to any Covenant species and it's guaranteed to send them into a rage," Riz said with a confident nod.

"Except the Unggoy," Vannak added with a sneer. "Little bastards couldn't give a shit. They'll try to kill you on principle."

"I'll make sure I'm on a bullhorn from far away, then," you said, biting the inside of your lip to keep from grinning. "Don't want to be in striking distance if I'm going to send them into a rage."

They thought that over.

"Chief won't appreciate us telling her to pick a fight with a Sangheili," she pointed out.

"Just use it on somebody you're pretty sure you can take in a fight," he told you.

"I'll keep that in mind," you said.

They made slightly stilted small talk for about 15 more minutes, then took their leave.

A rest seemed in order, so you propped up on the bed and checked the news. They were in the middle of reporting that they had yet to apprehend the man who had tried to smuggle the bomb back to FLEETCOM in the Warthog. It showed some stock images of the Pit before being damaged by the explosion and that got you to thinking…

There should be some sort of footage of the explosion, right?

But, after poking around on your padd for a little while, you hadn't found much beyond what apparently had been approved for public viewing.

"Would you like some help with that?"

Cortana's voice startled you.

"Oh, hey there," you said, thinking, Poor thing, she's got the most boring job in the world keeping an eye on me. I hope I get the chance to buy her a coffee or something after all is said and done. Then your brain tardily caught up with her words. "You mean you have footage from the explosion?"

"Yes, I do."

"And it's something I have clearance to see?"

"I have footage from the explosion," she repeated, her tone supremely innocent.

Before you could decide whether to ask to see it or not, the holo on the wall lit up. The security cams had caught the explosion from multiple angles. You winced as you saw a body – your body – fly out of the crane operator seat to disappear into a sea of smoke and debris.

A moment later, the view changed, the quality severely degrading. You squinted through the pixilation and haze and realized you were seeing from the point of view of the holo-emiter Cortana had contacted you from.

"Oh, shit," you muttered. The massive beam that had pinned you down should've killed you outright but you'd gotten supremely lucky in the way the rest of the building had fallen, providing just enough support to give you a tiny open space. But even without the sudden, helpful overlay that detailed out the edges of the debris through the smoke, you could see how quickly that respite was vanishing as the beam's weight bore it inexorably lower and lower.

You found yourself gasping for breath, cast back into that moment. The image changed abruptly. Trying to figure out where you were now viewing from helped to break you free of the encroaching panic attack.

Then it all made sense: you were looking at several officers, so covered in dirt and dust that you couldn't recognize their rank, much less determine their names. They also looked extremely short.

Before you even skimmed over the information feeding out in rapid-fire bursts, you knew that this was John's HUD after Silver Team had arrived back on site.

"John, get here now. The support beam is failing!"

Cortana's voice came through his helmet's comm. "There's no time," he said, interrupting the man as he was saying that they would have to wait for an excavation crew to arrive to safely dig you out.

He was running before the man could object. The feed cut back and forth from his HUD to the holo-emiter. This gave you an unexpected perspective on how efficiently Silver Team worked. They needed almost no words as they homed in on your location, grabbing, lifting, moving and supporting each part of the perilous structure as needed.

It was Vannak who caught the beam before it crushed you but it was John who lifted it off of you.

The holo-emiter's feed abruptly ended and you were back in John's HUD. Vannak and Kai caught another part of the crumbling wreckage, creating an opening for Riz to dig you out by hand.

You noted almost absently how steady John's vitals were. He was holding a building off of you as if it were nothing at all.

"Out," Riz announced and John carefully lowered the weight he'd been supporting.

When he turned, you saw Riz clearing the way for Kai, who was now the one carrying you. Vannak and John followed.

They emerged out of the wreckage and Kai went into the Spartan run, taking you directly into a Pelican where she turned you over to a team of medics. The Spartans were waved back and the ship launched.

"We'll catch the next one," Riz said.

"She'll be all right, Chief," Kai told him. "She's strong."

He nodded curtly, tracking the Pelican that was carrying you away.

And once it went out of sight, that was when his vitals spiked and his heart began to pound.

You were still thinking about what all you'd seen when the door chimed again. A glance at the chrono proved it was lunchtime. You opened the door and, indeed, the first thing you saw was a massive, covered tray that no doubt contained your meal. But it was John who was carrying it.

"Silver's on stand-by," he warned, "but I thought we might get a chance to eat together."

Since you weren't yet cleared to make the long walk down to the Mess, a table and pair of chairs had been set up across from the couch a few days ago. As soon as he'd placed the tray down, you practically tackled him.

"Permission to hug the Master Chief?" you asked well after the fact, your voice muffled into his chest.

He gently returned the embrace. "Always granted."

You found yourself holding onto him a little bit longer than usual.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I saw the footage from the Pit," you said, resting your cheek against him. "I already knew I was lucky to get out of there but really seeing it? I… It makes me appreciate being here."

He paused for long enough that you looked up at him, finding him gazing over your head as if hearing something over a comm. Then he turned his attention back down to you, brow furrowing. "She shouldn't have shown you that footage and upset you."

"Cortana? No, I'm glad she did. It happened to me, after all." You put your face against him again and squeezed him once more around his waist. "You held a building off of me, John."

He made a move as if about to pick you up, then thought better of it and knelt instead to bring you more on a level together. "I'd hold a million buildings off of you, don't you know that?" he said, cupping your face. "Just… try not to be under any more falling buildings, hm?"

"I'll certainly do my best," you swore and kissed his palm.

The look in his eyes altered, grew both darker and softer at the same time. When you leaned towards him, he met you halfway.

He started carefully, like he did everything with you, but soon the kiss intensified, deepened, and his hands skimmed from the crown of your head down your back as if he wanted to map every line, curve and angle you possessed.

And then your stomach growled, loudly and unmistakably, and you muttered your newly-learned curse word.

He leaned back to look at you, amusement tugging insistently at his mouth. "That one's Vannak's favorite. He and Riz talked about coming to see you today. I'm assuming they did?"

"They did," you said, then winced as your stomach grumbled something awfully close to a repeat of the Sangheili curse word.

"Why don't we eat," he said, completely surrendering to the smile, "and you can tell me all about it."

Happily, he didn't get called away and you were able to finish your meal together in peace.

"Could I show you something I recently learned?" he asked as you stood from the table.

"As long as it doesn't involve throwing me around the room," you teased.

"Oh, I'll save that until you're all healed up," he murmured, then winked.

You'd like to think you laughed but no, that was a full-fledged giggle. "So, what did you learn?"

"Therapeutic massage," he said, flexing his fingers. "It's supposed to promote healing and relaxation. Want to give it a try?"

"Absolutely," you said. "Where do you want me at?"

"On the footstool, if that's okay?"

"Sure."

The wide, plush, rainbow-colored bit of furniture was another recent addition to the room, added because John wanted you to have the option to put your feet up. Kai had told you that, as soon as you were healthy again, she was going to high-five you for the color choice.

While his back was turned as he adjusted the stool the way he wanted it in front of the couch, you took your shirt off and tossed it haphazardly towards the bed.

He sat, a leg on either side of the stool, and looked up at you, clearly about to say something. But then his expression went thunderstruck and the words never emerged.

You had the same UNSC sports bra that he had to have seen other marines wearing in the gym a thousand times. You'd spotted Kai and Riz in them before, so it shouldn't have been that shocking.

"This all right?" you asked.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Yes." Every affirmative had its own completely separate inflection, from stunned to wonderment to Wait, don't put the shirt back on.

You turned away, hiding your grin as you sat down where directed. Considering that you were hardly in top fighting form at the moment, his reaction was a very nice little ego boost.

His hands settled gently against your back, fingers curling over your shoulders. "If I use too much pressure or there's pain, tell me right away. Is there anything I should definitely avoid?"

"Can't raise the arm like I should" –you gave a roll of your left shoulder– "but it's already much better than it was."

"Copy that, no raising the arm. Anything else?"

No matter how battered and bruised you felt, there was no way you were going to miss this. "I'll let you know," you promised.

"Okay," he said and his hands glided up to your neck, then out, following the lines of the trapezius on both sides. The heels of his palms followed your spine down in a feathery touch, then spread out along your lats like he was smoothing wrinkles out of them before skimming down your obliques to your hips.

He returned to your shoulders again and very, very carefully kneaded into the tightness there. You did your best not to flinch when he hit a particularly sore spot but he jerked back as if you'd screamed.

"It's fine," you said quickly, afraid he was about to end up perched on the back of the couch like a very large, traumatized cat. "This is the only way to get rid of it. Just got to work it out."

His hands settled cautiously on your shoulders once more.

"You're doing great," you assured him, patting his knees on either side of you encouragingly, and his thumbs drew circles over the painful places as if he were trying not to fracture a thin sheet of glass.

The knots relaxed and you exhaled in the closest thing to sheer bliss you'd experienced in a long while. The warmth and gentle pressure had you melting back into him, your head lolling a bit, your eyelids fluttering shut and—

The next thing you knew, you were waking up. "Oh come on, I didn't want to sleep through all the good parts," you mumbled.

John's chuckle rumbled beneath your ear. He had pulled you back onto his lap on your right side, cradled comfortably against his chest. One hand was gently rubbing your back while the other covered the hand you had fisted into his shirt.

"I'm going to take this as a compliment to my therapeutic massage skills," he said.

"And you absolutely should." You raised your head to look at him. "Maybe next time I can even stay conscious long enough to really appreciate said skills. If there is, you know, a next time."

"There will most definitely be a next time," he swore and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I still owe you a proper back scratching."

"And I am absolutely going to collect on that," he returned, his tone unexpectedly husky.

You smiled, straightening up to kiss him. He pulled you closer, then paused and sighed against your mouth.

"I've got to go," he said resolutely right before his wristband chirped.

You looked for a way to roll off of him that wouldn't aggravate your shoulder – or potentially crush any of his, ahem, important Spartan equipment – but he scooped you up bridal style and stood as if you weighed nothing at all.

"I'll meet you for dinner if we're back soon enough," he promised and gave you one more tender kiss then placed you onto the couch. Before he went through the door, he paused, looking back like he was memorizing this moment, then he took a breath and was gone.

It was nearly dinner time when the door chime rang and you went to answer it with as much of a hopeful spring in your step as you could manage. However, this time, it wasn't John holding a tray with your evening meal on it.

"Dr. Keyes," you said in surprise, snapping a salute.

She said your rank and last name. "May I come in? We need to talk."

[jinnie-ret]

atlantis

han jisung x reader | end of the world au

genre: angst, humour(?), fluff

content warnings: swearing, suggestive jokes, natural disaster, death

word count: 5.8k

summary: their fate lies in the hands of a prophecy that could save their lives.

HAN JISUNG MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Welcome back to the 1 o'clock news. We wish we had a more hopeful message today today but the waters are rising, electricity is compromised and people are already dying. We ask you to remain vigilant, take care of yourselves and stay close to your loved ones. The record high tidal waves are en route to South Korea and our beautiful city Seoul and people are saying we could be living in what will be the new Atlantis. It is estimated we have 10 hours left but-"

"Too depressing," Y/N sighed as she flicked through channels. She already knew they didn't have much time left, so waiting and hoping for a news report to tell them the opposite was only hurting her soul even more. There was no time to say goodbye to loved ones, having to prioritise using their remaining electricity towards kitchen appliances to make sure they could eat, their mobiles having already run out of charge and they didn't have a landline.

Oh yeah, they.

Y/N lived with her best friend Jisung in an apartment for the last couple of years, and those years held some of her favourite moments and memories and to think those could all be washed away in the events of the end of the world... it wasn't a nice feeling, not at all. She constantly felt sick to her stomach knowing the impending doom they'd have to face.

"There is a prophecy! It could be one or two of you out there that could save the world!" a whimsical looking man with thick lens glasses perched upon his nose spoke into the camera.

"Oh they're talking nonsense!" Y/N exclaimed, sitting up to grab the TV control again and switch the channel just as Jisung ran in with a bowl of cereal.

"No, no, no, leave it on!" he spoke through a mouthful of cornflakes as he jumped onto the sofa next to her, some milk spilling over but neither of them cared. Trivial issues like that didn't matter anymore.

"Ji, there's no point now anyways, the picture is staticy and the audio is all-" Y/N rolled her eyes before Jisung muffled her mouth with his hand to shut her up, and they both listened to the crazy man on the TV.

"One thing will unlock survival. The key is in a place where many people have come and gone. It lies in a enclosed area that only the bravest can enter. Only those who are worthy can wield it's power and open the gate that knows all, that all know."

"A key?! What could that mean?" Jisung sat forwards intrigued, finally removing his hand from Y/N's mouth who shoved him away from her.

"The prophecy didn't say that we specifically had to find it..." Y/N stood up, taking Jisung's finished bowl of cereal into the kitchen and placing it in the sink.

"Come on, if we can really do something to help, we've got to try," Jisung followed her into the kitchen, tugging her away from the sink to make sure her attention was on him. He bent ever so slightly to make sure she was looking right at him.

"Ji, I don't know about this..." Y/N's seemingly bored and nonchalant manner had quickly reverted to her nervous side.

"And if I'm gonna do this with anyone I'd want it to be you!" Jisung grabbed her arms now, hoping she'd brush away her worries for just once and do this with him, for him, for them.

"Aw Jisung... I can already feel my heart melting," Y/N in fact did brush away her worries, at face value at least, and grinned sarcastically at her best friend. She skipped away from him, gliding gracefully with her hand on her heart before jumping and flopping onto the sofa.

"Gosh, I've melted the Ice Caps! That's the last thing we need with the world flooding..." Jisung dramatically gasped, grabbing a piece of paper with a pen and whacking it on Y/N's head as he sat next to her. She of course, did retaliate with slap on the leg.

"Jisung, shut up."

It almost felt like an endless cycle. Hope, worry, denial, repeat. Y/N hated broadcasts like the one they had just listened to. Anyone would be a fool to actually listen to the words of a so called prophecy and even think of attempting to save the world.

"Right we need to think... enclosed area, only the bravest can enter?" Jisung hummed, tapping the pen against his chin before scribbling down the jist of what had been said on TV.

And that was her fool right there. She loved him for it though.

"Jisung, come on," Y/N sighed, going to grab the notebook away from him but he held it tightly to his chest, wiggling in his seat to face her and sit closer.

"No you come on, work with me here, think, please," Jisung stood his ground firmly, brows furrowed in what could only be described as a pleading, Puss-in-Boots-like expression.

"Fine, fine... It's probably that club down town, what's it called? HooBAEs? No one would dare enter there, awful place, wouldn't mind if it got completely flooded," Y/N thought out loud stretching out and resting her legs on Jisung's lap, who didn't react apart from resting his notes on her calves without batting an eyelid.

"Yeah yeah! That place is horrible, probably is at least halfway ruined by now," he nodded in thought, scribbling down the name of the club.

"Halfway? It was dreadful from the start, remember that time someone pissed onto the floor in the middle of the night," Y/N reminded Jisung of the unfortunate time thet decided to go out on a Saturday night. Never again. They both felt like they much preferred a night in anyways watching crappy movies and making fun of the storylines.

"Oh yeah that was grim..." Jisung nodded, wrinkling his nose just thinking of it.

"Yeah horrible..." Y/N trailed off.

"Y/Nnie you've driven us off topic again."

"No I haven't!"

"What, you think we should try HooBAEs? We'll probably get a disease I don't wanna even think about if we go there..." Jisung shuddered, wishing his best friend never suggested the idea. The end of the world couldn't rely on a key being hidden in such a dodgy establishment, could it?

"Remember the prophecy, Ji, only brave people would go there. As much as I hate to say it, we should go there. We've ventured there before, why not now?" Y/N lifted herself up from the sofa and grabbed the keys to her apartment, stuffing it into the pocket of her hoodie.

"Not the worst idea... might need to put our wellies on though, the water is filling up," Jisung waved her over to stand beside him and observe the outside. She didn't even notice him move towards the tall glass windows of the apartment, but it was the smart thing to do, considering how high the water had already risen.

"Actually, we might need a boat," Y/N breathed out in sudden realisation as she joined his side. The water had risen to around half the height of your average door, from what she tell by squinting at the buildings across the road.

"Shit, you're right," Jisung groaned, hitting his head against her shoulder. Y/N patted his head sympathetically as they both prepared themselves, physically and mentally, to try and save the world.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The pair of courageous best friends were quite the sight to see. As luck would have it, there was a leisure equipment shop across the road, having all sorts of things they could steal because no one was going to work their job when the building was half flooded and when they knew it would soon be the end for everyone. Fortunately, the canoes were quite near the front of the shop, and they, well, Y/N, hauled it off of the rack that was still standing somehow. Jisung was too distracted by the idea of getting an inflatable pool.

"Jisung we don't need a pool! Just jump out this canoe if you want to swim!" you had huffed as you dragged the canoe towards the door as you waded through the water.

"I didn't wanna swim! I wanted to just float around," Jisung moped, doing a weird awkward jog through the murky water trying to catch up to you. The one where the force of the water weighs your legs down so you have to almost jump out slightly each time you take a step.

Once you both made it out of the shop you both clambered into the boat, Jisung taking the back and you sitting at the front. There were of course a few failed attempts of rowing down the road, neither of them having used an oar before. Did it tip over? Yes, it did. But that was because they both started rowing on the same side.

Eventually they did arrive along the top of the street of the notoriously grim club, HooBAEs.

"How do we park a canoe, shit," Y/N wobbled as she stood up, confronted with an odd dilemma she never thought she would be.

"Girl... never mind," Jisung side eyed her in pure disbelief before grabbing her to sit down, it was like she was trying to be a gondolier.

Jisung achieved their goal of not losing their transport, and helped Y/N out after he caught his own balance. He couldn't control the blood from rushing to his cheeks when she didn't let go of his hand, and she even readjusted the grip she held on his hand as they walked inside the club venue.

"Why would there even be a key here? A special key in a prophecy here? Plus it's not exactly an enclosed area..." Jisung gagged at the stench of the place. Bar stools were floating around, turned onto their backs like many people were the last time they both went on a night out here. Guess the pros are of the world ending is that the slippery floor means nothing now that the water is up to just underneath their waists. Wood from the pillars and bar had rotted, splinters of the material floating around in what now looked like a grotty swamp of cheap furniture. And that wasn't the only thing that was floating around.

"Is that a condom?" Y/N shrieked at the plastic floating towards them both, tugging Jisung back, her feet colliding with old music equipment that had long ago blown it's fuse.

"Focus on the issue at hand, Y/N!" Jisung chastised her, yet still allowing her to pull him back with her, not wanting to let go of her hand. Oh, he was so whipped. It was something about the way she matched his energy perfectly, his twin flame, you could say. She never failed to put a smile on his face, those plump lips that he wish he could just-

"Ew it's a used one! Quick, go! Move, Ji!" Y/N squealed in disgust and tugged his hand harder, essentially breaking him out of his thoughts. And with that they left the decrepid place, relieved at the same time.

Being the gentleman he was, Jisung helped her back into the canoe first, and as they rowed away, he gasped in excitement and suddenly started rocking the boat.

"Dude stop this isn't the time for messing around! I don't wanna fall in again," Y/N exclaimed, letting out small murmurs of discomfort and annoyance as she tried to stay sat down.

"Y/Nnie I know it! I know where it could be!" Jisung shouted feeling elated, having his lightbulb moment.

"Enlighten me, oof-" Y/N's voice wobbled as her body did too, before she ended up falling backwards into his lap, the boy automatically latching onto her shoulders to try and stabilise her but they were both already red as tomatoes.

"Umm sorry I-" Jisung stuttered, not knowing whether to let go of Y/N because realistically he wished that such an interaction would never be awkward between them and that he had confessed how he truly felt a long time ago.

"It's fine just umm tell me where you're thinking so we can steer this ship!" Y/N cringed as she spoke through a strained smile, taking her original spot once again. She tried to forget that just happened, because she never thought it would. She never imagined that her heart would race at the sight of his smile, blush from his teasing words or that her nights would be filled with thoughts of what would happen if they ever were a 'thing'. But here they were.

"Please don't say that again."

"Yeah you're right, it was ummm... yeah."

"I mean, I saw where you were going with it but it just didn't really hit-"

"Ok fine! Just tell me where you think the key is! I'm very embarrassed now!" Y/N stammered, staring straight ahead as her hands gripped the sides of the 'ship' as she wished she could rewind and never say what she did. If her thoughts were gonna take her down the route of a 'thing' ever blossoming between them, she could watch that sapling die right in front of her very eyes.

"That big house, on the outskirts of town..." Jisung trailed off, not quite remembering the name of the mansion he was imagining.

"Oddinary House?" Y/N offered weakly, now feeling composed enough to turn back around. As she did so she made sure the oars were resting in place.

"Yes that's the place! All you hear about that place are horror stories!" Jisung nodded enthusiastically when Y/N's words sparked his memory.

"And you think you're brave enough to go there?" she laughed, looking off to the side.

"Hey, this is for the prophecy! We could save this place! This city! Our friends!" Jisung insisted, desperation apparent as he shifted to look right into Y/N's eyes, the jostling causing water to ripple around them.

"Ji... Is it worth it for the prophecy?" Y/N sighed, her minds going off in all different directions, wondering if it was worth it.

"Yes! A chance at life! We need to do this, Y/Nnie," Jisung did his best to convince her, feeling her turmoil and lessening hope as the moments went by, especially when she turned back around to avoid him from seeing the tears that blurred her vision.

"Isn't it all pointless anyways..." she mumbled.

"It's not when I'm with you," Jisung hugged her from behind for a moment, and oddly it felt natural, far less awkward than before. "Now, come on, let's go, or shall I say-"

"If you say let's row then I am tipping over this boat," Y/N chuckled as she sniffed, wiping away her tears.

"Noted. I will not speak in fear of drowning," Jisung spoke robotically, the two of them laughing once more afterwards as they grabbed the oars once more.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It was a treacherous journey you could say, venturing to the outskirts of the city, but it wasn't hard to see the old worn-down mansion which practically had a storm cloud hovering above it. Oddinary House, in all it's glory.

"What a glorious shithole," Jisung whistled out, eyes trialing across the rotting wood that was barely keeping the place together. It was a surprise his voice was even normal, considering the volumes that the impromptu karaoke session reached between the two of them.

"I know right," Y/N nodded along, squinting when she thought she saw someone floating in the water. They both rowed closer to the entrance of the house, gaining a closer look at the body. "Oh my god!" she gasped, "they're dead!"

"Damn, this place is fucked," Jisung's jaw hung open, even further when the body spoke back to him.

"Isn't it just?"

Jisung and Y/N both yelled out in shock at the person/creature that they thought was dead, suddenly speaking to them with an enticing melodic voice. They should have realised sooner than the swishing back and forth as they floated in the water couldn't have been achieved by a dead person.

"Wait... Oh my... it's the sexy scary siren! The stories were right!" Y/N put two and two together, remembering all the stories she had been told about who lived at the abandoned mansion and she figured out that this was the siren that many had spoken about. His alluring puppy dog eyes and gorgeous smile were just added bonuses to his hypnotising voice.

"Sexy?"

"Sexy..."

Jisung and the siren met eyes as they both spoke aloud at the same time, one of them sounding jealous and the other quite smug.

"Umm, right... Do you have a key?" Jisung abruptly asked, not wanting to waste any time.

"Don't just ask him!" Y/N turned away from the siren and whacked Jisung on the arm, scolding him.

"Well what am I supposed to do?!"

"I don't know introduce ourselves?!"

The siren chuckled as he watched the two humans in the canoe bicker. The back and forth instantly made him think of an old married couple playfully arguing yet they also had this radiant aura around them that could only be seen when they're together.

"Ummm, I'm Y/N and this is my best friend Jisung, please don't kill us, haha," Y/N falsely grinned feeling nervous even though her brain felt comfortable enough to blurt out earlier that she thought the siren in front of her was sexy.

"I'm Seungmin," the siren purred out, pausing in his floating to swim up to the canoe and rest his head against the edge of it. "Now, what's this about a key?" he inquired curiously.

"Did you not see the news?" Jisung huffed, not wanting to go through the prophecy anymore times than Y/N had already made him repeat it, just so that she could 'engrave it into her brain'.

"You really think we get signal out here? And in this climate? Bless your heart," Seungmin patronised Jisung, flicking water up in his face and making the boy squeeze his nose as some droplets has arrived up his nostrils. Incredibly salty water. That made it sting more.

Just then, a beautiful voice broke out, but no, it did not belong to the siren that was right in front of them, no. This voice, was female, and it was coming from above. Looking up at the stained windows of the second floor, and not in a pretty vibrant and colourful way, a figure almost glided down the corridor. They moved slowly, almost allowing for their voice to break out, becoming louder especially when they saw Jisung and Y/N.

"Oh gosh, you really had to set her off... We just got her to keep quiet!" Seungmin exclaims annoyed, a frown taking over his face as he pushes away from the canoe.

"Oh shit is that a banshee?" Y/N gasped, thinking about the newer rumours that had recently come of Oddinary House.

"No she must be the sexy siren you were saying about bestie," Jisung tried craning his neck to get a better look at who was catching his eye.

"No we already established that was me, obviously," Seungmin shouts back at them, before heading round to the other side of the mansion, swimming his way gracefully to the back garden.

"Ugh, Ji, you're getting distracted again," Y/N huffs as she whacks him.

"Hey that was you before!" Jisung folds his arms.

"Blah blah blah, come in, let's head inside," Y/N directs him as they row their boat inside the front doors, arriving into what looked like a reception room. Haggard, is what this place was.

"Hey! Umm, we're looking for a key!" Han dumbly called out.

"Dude ssshh, they could eat us or something," Y/N said feeling paranoid, wrapping her arms around one of Jisung's.

"Nothing will eat us," Jisung rolled his eyes fondly, letting her cling onto him still.

"I could eat you."

Shit. How accurate were these stories? How accurate were they to know that there was also a werewolf living at this mansion?! In fact, said werewolf was currently sat on the staircase, distastefully flicking water out of his fur.

"Please don't," Y/N gasped.

"Please do," Jisung gasped.

Everyone froze, looking back and forth between each other with confusion. You couldn't make this up, what was happening, it was just that bizarre.

"Ji, that's literally a werewolf," Y/N reminded him, pulling away from him as she stared up the creature who was smirking right back at them, one leg folded over the other, a certain smugness about him with his sharp features illuminated by a yellow light.

"Yeah but he's kindaaaa..." Jisung trailed off, scanning the figure.

"Hmm, yeah, I can see it to be fair," Y/N agreed after a few moments.

The werewolf cleared his throat after a few more starry eyes gazes were directed towards him, "if you're looking for a key, you need to find a gate to open."

"Duh! That's why we're looking for a key? Why is bro so cryptic," Han sighed in disappointment, could have been the perfect companion if it wasn't for his obvious remarks.

"Shut up he's helping us," Y/N reprimanded her best friend before trying to read the true thoughts and emotions behind the eyes of the being sat before them. "A gate... hold on, hold on, you know where this key is, don't you! You're gonna send us on a wild goose chase when we could be saving the world?!"

"Oh, haha, aw, how sweet, you think you can save the world? Well in that case... Head upstairs, might wanna avoid the banshee she's been a bit umm, stressed recently you could say... And then find the cyborg, his name is CB97. We used to have him downstairs but you know, water and electrics don't really-"

"Right thanks!" Han rushes past Minho and cuts him off, wading through the water and going up the other set of stairs. "Come on Y/N!"

Y/N really wished she taught him some manners. She had heard from some of his friends that he was a bit of a dick during his younger teen years but when she first met him he was sweet as pie. Well, until they got comfortable with each other and with roasting each other.

"Sorry about him, he's a bit... excitable," Y/N sheepishly walks past the werewolf, doing a weird wave and not turning her back in fear he'd suddenly turn and eat her up.

The pair were wary as they walked the floors upstairs, flinching at every sound until a door opening on its own terrified them.

"Ahhhh!!!"

"Ahhhh!"

"Stop screaming!!!"

"You stop screaming!!"

"Ji, shut up, look he's there, the cyborg," Y/N points to the hunched figure in the corner of the dimly lit room. He was hooked up to some generators, but more importantly, there was a clear box as part of his make, where a human's abs would normally be. And what was inside of that clear box? A golden, shiny key.

"Yes! We found it!!! Oh my gosh we're gonna save the world!" Y/N cheered as she and Jisung jumped up and down in each others arms, hugging tightly and pulling away to stare into each others eyes for a moment.

Jisung was the first to pull away

"Hey umm, Mr Cyborg, Mr CB... my 97 bro... Umm, where do we need to unlock this key?" Jisung waves his hand in front of the barely glowing blue eyes of the machine. After composing herself, Y/N stepped up next to him, also trying to get the cyborg to respond to them.

But it was no luck. The generators sparked as drops of water fell from the ceiling and caused a fuse, making CB97 the cyborg fully shut down, head hanging forwards.

"No, no, shit!" Y/N swore, tapping on the back of the cyborg with such vigor it was like someone was trying to fix an old television.

"Great that was real helpful... Now what are we going to do?!" Jisung stomped his foot, pacing back and forth with his hands on his head.

"Wait, give me a sec," Y/N rolled up her sleeves, ready to bust open the small door on the cyborg's body to retrieve the key. She slowly grabbed it, focusing all her strength on it til it opened all too easy and she went flying backwards and hit the floor with a loud groan.

"Shit, you ok Y/Nnie?" Jisung helped her up, rubbing her head gently and she responded with a nod.

"I'm fine, more than fine actually, I'm great. Look, the key, it's there Jisung!" Y/N dragged him back over to the shut down robot and grabbed the key, sliding it into her pocket and zipping it securely.

"We're actually going to do this... we're going to save the world!" Jisung gasped in disbelief.

They headed back down the corridors, walking down one flight of stairs and passing by a man with fangs peeking out from underneath his upper lip.

"Oh, by the way, your robot man friend went all sleepy mode on us," Y/N casually said, continuing to walk down the stairs alongside he best friend.

"What?!" the man yelled incredulously before morphing into a bat and zooming off upstairs, not before bumping into an old bear statue.

"Eh, not our problem," Jisung rested his hand on Y/N's back as he steered them outside, back to where their canoe was.

Oh how both of them wished that they'd be successful in saving the world, so they could tell the stories of entering the mansion to future generations, to their own kids- wait scrap that last idea, it's not like they'd ever end up together anyways.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Now it was time to trek back into the city. The sun was setting, casting a peachy glow across the faces of the pair. It seemed so scenic, only for it to smell horrendous. Jisung has convinced them to take a 'detour' because he 'knew a shortcut'. He didn't know a shortcut. And because of the route change they were both now forced to deal with the stench of the contents of the city's sewers flooding into the water around them. The putrid eggy smell consumed their lungs, and Y/N was sure she'd never breathe again.

"Smells like you after taco night-" Y/N plugged her nose with one hand as she laughed.

"Oi, Trouble, shut it!" Jisung kicked her bum lightly, trying not to laugh too.

Y/N loved being able to push his buttons, thus gaining her the nickname 'Trouble'. Jisung didn't use it all the time, but on the occasions he did it made her heart swoon. She knew she was getting under his skin and there was something so gratifying about him recognising that when he did use the nickname.

"You shouldn't have made them so spicy," Han pouted after a moment, mind still stuck there whilst Y/N had drifted to her nightly routine, despite it being closer to 6pm.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"I just can't think of where this gate is meant to be," Y/N groaned, looking up at the sky. Her arms were beginning to ache from rowing so Jisung insisted he'd take over to let her rest a bit.

"What did it say again?" Jisung stopped rowing, letting the canoe float.

"Oh come on! You told me I was silly for wanting to remember it off by heart!" Y/N knocked her head against Jisung's leg in protest, causing him to hold her head still as he looked down at her form laying down in the canoe.

"Y/Nnie, just tell me, yeah?" Jisung smiled through gritted teeth.

"Ugh fine, remember, it said a gate that knows all, that all know," Y/N reminded him.

"I just don't get how we're meant to figure that out, out of all the gates in the city how-"

"Jisung we're idiots," Y/N cut him off.

"Speak for yourself!" he huffed. The light in the day would soon be gone and there would be less chance of them completing their goal.

"Nope we're in this together. We're idiots. The city hall? That literally has a big gate and plus no one would really dare to enter there!! The place that knows all, that we all know! It's got to be that right?! All the official governing bodies go there, us common people could never just waltz in." Y/N scrambles up, rambling excitedly as her guess made more and more sense. Jisung had to help her to adjust her balance, and not just because of clumsy self trying to stand in the boat, but because of the waves seemed to be getting harder to handle. Only this morning it had been calmer and as the day went on the ripples turned to smaller waves that would rock the boat. And now they were straight up aggressive.

"But now we can," Jisung dangled the key in his hands.

"Hell yeah!" Y/N cheered with a newfound energy and she grabbed her set of oars.

It wasn't long until they made their way round to the city hall, going round the back of the historic building and finding the tall golden gates guarding an endless flight of stairs. It was said to have led down to an old pipe system that ran underneath the hall and the whole city.

"I wish I thought of this earlier, should have paid more attention in geography," Jisung shook his head regretfully.

"Right, who's going to swim down? Because I'll do this Jisung, I don't mind," Y/N turned to her best friend, gripping his hands tightly with promises exchanged between. The water had now risen further on their journey and if it rose anymore their boat would simply tip over the gates.

"No, I can't just let you do that!" Jisung exclaimed, frowning at the thought of the girl he loved going to do this on her own. It wouldn't feel fair.

"We need someone up here to keep watch of things!" Y/N tried to grab her hands out of Jisung's hold, who was now holding on tighter than ever not wanting to spend a moment without her.

"Watch what? Our city drown even more?!" Jisung cried out exasperatedly.

"No way," Y/N's heart dropped.

"Umm yes way, it's been like that forever!" Jisung grumbled, searching through Y/N's gaze to try and figure out what had really made her feel taken aback.

"No, look!" Y/N's eyes welled up in fear, pure utter fear.

There was a colossal tidal wave heading towards the city, already plummeting through several buildings in the distance and driving them down into the ground, destruction it's friend. Flocks of birds flew high in the sky, squawking as they retreated in fear. If only they were birds who could leave so easily. There only chance was this prophecy, it had to work.

"Oh shit," Y/N was frozen as she shouted loudly.

"Look, we've not got time, we do this together ok, I don't care what happens," Jisung grabbed Y/N's face between his hands, thumbs stroking over the tops.of her cheekbones as he tried to get her to focus.

"What if it doesn't work? This stupid prophecy?! We've got a key but what do we even-" Y/N trembled in Jisung's arms.

"No, no, no, sshh it's ok, Y/N. I got you, yeah? Come on, we need to do this now, ok?" Jisung stood up shakily on the canoe, pulling Y/N up with him.

"Together?" Y/N's voice cracked.

"Yes, we go down, now, at least we've tried," Jisung rested his forehead against hers, before they both jump into the murky waters with an all mighty splash.

It was lucky Jisung had a tight grip on the key as the pair of them rose above the water, took in a deep breath, and with one look to each other they nodded and swam down to the keyhole of the gate together. With all luck, this prophecy would be right. Maybe they'd be able to unlock the gates, allowed the water to flood down into the city's old pipes system and drain it all, so that they'd have at least one chance of survival.

Y/N helped Jisung stay down in the water to try and unlock the gate, as there was nothing to cling onto. He lodged the key into the hole and twisted it to the left, once, twice, thrice. He pushed the gates forwards and they shared a look of success, before it soon turned to dread.

They were expecting an empty staircase, for the water to flood down, but to their horror the pipes system itself has already been overwhelmed with flooding.

In that moment the huge tidal wave that had been hurtling towards the city hit where they were, and they were sucked down into the pipes system from the sheer force of the wave hitting on impact. The current hit them ferociously, dragging the two of them further and further down. There was nowhere to turn to, nowhere to run.

Jisung and Y/N we're freaking out, flailing in the water and trying to swim upwards for air but it was no use. The place was filled to the brim with water and by the time they tried swimming back up the endless amount of stairs, water would start to enter their lungs.

In fact, it already was.

The two heroes gripped onto each other as bubbles appeared in the water in front of them and the oxygen left their body. They were running out of time, something that seemed so precious until their world was doomed. Doomed from the very start. The prophecy lied.

Jisung grabbed Y/N's hands startling her out of her freak out and he rested both of them against his heart. She cried, adding her salty tears to the water they were submerged in, wishing this wasn't how it had to end. It wasn't fair. Why couldn't they have more time to confess? Why couldn't they have had more time to tell each other how they truly felt?!

He moved his hands to her face, holding her so delicately once more, and she, him. More bubbles were appearing but if they were going to share their last breath, they knew how they'd want to lose it. Jisung pressed his lips against Y/N's, something he should have done a long time ago. Their eyes closed when their lips met, and when they pulled away, they held onto each other tightly, love and despair in both of their longing stares saying 'we tried'.

And they did try. They tried so hard to save a world that was dying, leading to their own fated departures from the Earth. The world was destined to end but they were destined to be together, no matter what was thrown at them.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @kpopmenace143 @sakufilms @kai-lee08 @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky @his-angell @turtledove824 @2minstan @royal-shinigami @yangbbokari @skzoologist

[sinner-sunflower]

P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 5/?

STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14, PART 14.5, PART 15, PART 16, PART 17, PART 18, PART 19, PART 20, PART 21, PART 22, PART 23, PART 24, PART 25, PART 26

Notes below!

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Ever since his redemption (a perplexing event he still couldn't fathom), Sir Pentious had never left Emily's side at all. Well, more like he wasn't allowed to leave the young Seraph's side at all. That tall lady, Sera, proved to be stricter than dear Vagatha.

Confined to a single floor among Heaven's bright buildings, he shared quarters with the Seraphs. Sera had instructed him to remain there until she could resolve the issue at hand.

He has no idea what the other means by that. Wasn't his redemption already the resolution they needed?

The snake demon- nope, angel now- felt an urge to consult Emily about it, as she reminded him greatly of Charlie. Yet, he never got the opportunity, when one day he was abruptly awoken and whisked away before he could even really wake up.

Sir Pentious: Emily, dear, where exactly are we going?

Emily: Last time, Sera said she had a meeting with the Heavenly Virtues, so I told her to tell them about you being a redeemed soul from Hell.

Sir Pentious: And who, pray tell, are thesssssse.. Virtuesssssss?

Emily: The Archangels of Heaven. They're the highest authority here just under the Lord.

Sir Pentious: Miss Charlie didn't mention any Archangels during her trial.

Emily: They weren't there. They put all their trust in Sera to handle those kinds of matters but... After the last extermination, there was no hiding Sera can do anymore. And when she was called for that meeting, I begged her to tell them about you.

Sir Pentious: I will guess that she hasssssn't?

Emily: She didn't! I can't believe her. She came back and she's refusing to see me or even go back to tell them! So, I'm making an executive decision to tell them myself.

Sir Pentious: Do I really have to be there?

Emily: Of course! You're living- uhh- dead? proof that a soul can be redeemed! Now come on!

Sir Pentious: Are you ssssssure we're allowed here, dear?

Emily had been noticeably fidgety—a trait Sir Pentious recognized all too well. From past experience, he understood that such behavior either means discomfort, fear, or guilt. He isn't sure what she's thinking right now.

Emily: Um- yep!

Sir Pentious: Then why are we sneaking in?

The angel's expression confirmed his suspicions. Right on the money.

Emily: Well- I- just follow me!

Emily continued to open random doors while dragging Sir Pentious along, seemingly determined to find a specific room among them. Despite their covert mission, they managed to evade any detection so far. Yet, the newly redeemed soul couldn't shake the feeling that they weren't alone in the building.

Emily: One of these rooms has to belong to one of them.

As Emily expressed her determination, a fleeting glimpse of familiar red and white caught Sir Pentious' attention.

He instinctively turned his head towards the direction, only to find the hallway empty. There's a nagging sensation compelling him to investigate further.

Emily intervened, grabbing his arm before he could even move away.

Emily: Sir Pentious! What are you doing?

Sir Pentious: I think I sssssaw ssssssomething, deary.

Emily's sudden burst of excitement propelled them both towards the direction where Sir Pentious claimed to have seen the figure vanished.

Emily: Do you think it's an Archangel? I hope so. We might get in trouble if it's anyone other than them. Then again, I've never been in this building before and I'm not really allowed but I'm technically acting Seraphim right now so-

Her words trailed off into rambling, but Sir Pentious paid her no mind, his focus is entirely on tracking the elusive figure. However, they couldn't catch up as they lost it amidst the labyrinth of corridors.

Sir Pentious: Hmmm. Perhaps it was no one-

The building suddenly shook so hard causing them to fall on the floor. It stopped just as quickly as it happened.

Emily: What was that?!

Sir Pentious: Emily, doesssss Heaven get earthquakessssss?

Emily: I don't even know what those are!

As Sir Pentious and Emily cautiously approached the door from which the sound of bickering emanated, they exchanged a knowing glance. With silent agreement, they inched closer, their curiosity piqued by the faint golden glow seeping through a suspiciously well-placed crack on the door just perfect for their eyes.

Sir Pentious chose to say nothing about it.

Peeking through the cracks, they find themselves shocked at who was at the other side of the door.

Michael: You don't understand! I- it was such a hard decision! It was the best option! I'm Heaven's protector and- Lucifer: You were my protector too!

Emily: Archangel Michael?! / Sir Pentious: His Majesty?!

Emily: His- wait. What do you mean?

Sir Pentious: That'ssssss His Majessssty, Lucifer!

Gasping a little too loudly, Emily's hands flew to cover her mouth.

A part of her wants to go back to the Archangel's words. Where did she hear that before?

Emily: Charlie's dad?? As in the King of-

Michael: -on their knees in front of people other than our Lord. It took so many meetings for them to relent. That's why you and Lilith spent a long time held in the Garden. Lucifer: Shut up. Michael: So, I'm really sorry that we let you down. Lucifer: Shut up, Michael! Michael: But if I had the chance to go back, I would do it all over again.

As Emily listened to the heated exchange between the Archangels, a pang of empathy tugged at her heart. She couldn't help but wonder if someone could truly utter such hurtful words even in the midst of apologies. She doesn't blame Charlie's dad one bit if she were in his shoes. If Sera hurt her like that...

Ah. But Sera did hurt her. She lied to her.

Amidst the confusing emotions swirling within her, Emily's acute senses picked up something else from within the room—voices that didn't belong to the two arguing Archangels. The threads are-

Lucifer: You should've killed me when you had the chance. And now you think you can beat me at my own game?

Wait a second. Where had she heard about golden thread before? What did Sera say? That every soul's destiny, human or not, was already determined by the-

Emily: Oh no. No no no no! Sir Pentious we have to get out here before they see us!

Sir Pentious: Young miss, the Archangel you need is beyond that door plus His Majesty! We can relay the news faster to Charlie this way!

There's manic laughter now but Emily is far too panicked think of it.

Lucifer: Divine move? Divine move? You think you have any moves at all?!

She's pulling him with all her might but the winner is stubborn.

Emily: This room- We aren't allowed here! We're not even allowed to see it! Sera said this is the room of The F-

Lucifer: Maybe then, Heaven could've killed that weak, naive angel. But me? ME?! Ì̶̢̤̉'̵͙͕͑M̷̱͋̀ ̵̬͌T̴̥͠͝H̸̫́̑E̶̳̠̐̎ ̴̠̣̎̐D̷̼̕E̵̢̳͆V̶̳̩̉̋Ì̶̬L̴̥̗̾ ̴̮͝F̸̝̓̀Ų̸̠͗̑C̵͚͗K̷̺̚̚I̵̠̋̕Ň̸͎͈G̵̘̔ ̵̤͛I̸̩͐N̷̥̰̋C̸͓̒̍A̴̙̓R̵͍͛N̴̤͎͠A̵͇̟̓Ṯ̴̯͊Ḙ̴͑̇,̴̰͆̑ ̵̤́ͅÝ̴̙̫̈́O̵͚͐͒U̵̙͂ ̷̱̆͜͝Ċ̸͍̌Á̷̰́N̸͉̈'̶͇̎͂T̵̠̒ ̶͖́K̶̛̲̮̆I̸͎̘͐̃L̴̟̙̔̿L̴̜̾͊ ̶̱̥̌M̵̳̕E̵͈̯͋́!

For the 2nd time that day, they fell as the ground shook with the screams inside.

They scrambled to their feet just in time to witness a terrifying sight—the manifestation of Lucifer's wrath in all its terrifying glory.

Emily's blood ran cold as she saw the scene unfolding before her, mind struggling to comprehend the Devil. The air crackled with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine, and her heart pounded with a mixture of fear and disbelief.

Michael: Lucifer—what? Why do you look like that? What did you-

She refuses to believe this is Charlie's dad.

Emily: T-t-that's the K-king of Hell?

She doesn't know why she expected Sir Pentious to be smug or even be proud that this scary being was his former King. But he wasn't. In fact, he looks just as afraid as she is.

Sir Pentious: No. It isssss not.

Lucifer: Don't worry, Mika. I won't die that easily because I'll be there to watch Heaven fall.

----------------------

Even after the King of Hell departed and the Archangel Michael fell silent, Sir Pentious and Emily remained rooted to the spot, hesitant to leave yet also unwilling to enter the room. The lingering tension in the air held them in its grip.

It was the former sinner who spoke up first.

Sir Pentious: Thissss isss our chance, Emily.

Emily: Sir Pentious, maybe we should find another person we could talk to.

Sir Pentious: Come now, little missy. We've already missed His Majesty, and we barely could find a single soul in this building! An Archangel is right there and we must seize this opportunity!

Emily: Shhhhhh! If Sir Michael hears us even near this room, I don't know how I'll tell this to Sera.

Sir Pentious: Do not shush me, young lady! I'll have you know I-

The sudden swing of the door startled both Sir Pentious and Emily, freezing them in place like deer caught in headlights. Before them stood the champion of Heaven, the head of the Archangels, the protector of her home, wearing an expression that Emily could only describe as surprised—though she was on the verge of a full-blown meltdown to really be sure.

Emily: Archangel Michael! We-uh- we can explain!

Sir Pentious: Your Heavenly Grace!

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short my ass, aldjlakla the day had been busy so sorry for the late upload!

I had help from chatgpt again to avoid any redundant words cos I am no English native haha

[fortheloveofarchons]

My fav ship/dynamic in Hoyoverse:

C.W.: A very long post!

Whether romantic or platonic, this is one of my fav relationship dynamic: The goofy, happy sunshine and their stoic partner that has a tragic/dark past.

Or in the hoyoverse case, sunshine protagonist with their anemo partners!!

Top left and right: Caelus and Dan Heng from Honkai: Star Rail

Bottom left and right: Xiao and Aether from Genshin Impact

Both appearing together on official art

Having close proximity with each other, and that both are out of "dire" circumstances, being that Xiao is saving Aether from a falling platform while Dan Heng is reviving Trailblazer with "CPR"

I just love their dynamic so much sksksksksk! Here's a few parallels from what I can find so far:

When they both first meet, things went a bit of a rough, awkward patch, with the whole CPR thing and Traveller trying to contact Xiao for the first time

Both gradually gets closer to each other while fighting enemies and going through quests

Appearing together on official arts

Being "saved" by their anemo partner: Xiao saving Aether from falling off a platform and Dan Heng about to revive Caelus through "CPR"

Caelus and Aether's yellow-brown colour palette; while Xiao and Dan Heng's colour palette is teal-coloured

Caelus and Aether having special powers being that they can switch elements and has light elements; while Xiao and Dan Heng having anemo/wind element

I like Xiao and Aether's dynamic more since Xiao has more chance to flesh out his character development through the quests and limited time events, moreover since genshin is older than star rail so we were able to see more interactions between them.

Although it's been a year or so after star rail was released, there's still a long way to go for the story and the limited time events. That said, I really like Dan Heng's quest in the Luofu, especially that small moment when IL Dan Heng was asking Caelus if he has any questions, to which Caelus remains silent (prob due to the events and confusion) and that Dan Heng was a bit worried since Caelus didn't respond about how he was really feeling. Also, another moment I like was when Caelus and Dan Heng were both stressed when they couldn't contact each other during the Luofu quest and Dan Heng was stressed trying to find the astral gang. I wish I could add more screenshots about their interactions but I can only add 10 pics...

I'm a bit sad that Dan Heng didn't join with the astral express gang in Penacony but it's understandable since dude went through a lot in Luofu. Still, I hope we get to see more of him! (it's also really sweet when Dan Heng was about to come to their rescue through the text messages when he found out that there's some issues going on in Penacony and Trailblazer got hurt)

Whether romantic or platonic, I hope to see more of their interactions cause I'm literally eating any of this type of content I can find on social media aaaaaaaaahhhh! Let me know what you guys think about them! (灬╹ω╹灬)

P.S. I've been thinking about posting a fanfic for Dan Heng and Caelus together on Ao3 so it's been in the drafts so far, also if you're interested feel free to check out my Xiaoaether fanfics on my pfp!

Also here's my spotify playlist for Xiaoaether! Feel free to have a listen!

[drowninginredink]

20 fanfic author questions, because i was tagged by @seanwinchester and @spnyuri. They both actually tagged me on @schizosamwincester, but I talked a lot about non SPN stuff and i wanted to tag non SPN people so I'm doing it on my main instead.

1. How many works on AO3?

48, apparently. Damn that's a lot. Also there are some on my old fanfiction.net that I should really upload to AO3 at some point and still haven't, so I have written more fic than that.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

89,208, but again, I will mention that there's a 32k word fic that's only on fanfiction.net. And again, I should really get around to putting it on AO3.

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

Follow My Lead (Smosh)

You sound absurd, even if you're right (Supernatural)

Sister (Supernatural)

Should I explain myself? I'd rather read the dictionary (Smosh)

Don't you think you would feel better then? (Smosh)

4. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I've been very Supernatural brained, but I've written for A Series of Unfortunate Events in the past and will definitely again in the future. Whenever I stop writing about supernatural for 5 minutes. My Smosh RPF phase is decidedly done, but I just have the feeling I'll write one more fic in it one day? Don't ask me what. And then way back in high school I wrote To Kill a Mockingbird and Harry Potter (*vomits*)

5. Do you respond to comments?

When I remember that according to social conventions i really should, yes. I do have a tendency to be like "oh that's a short comment. It doesn't require a response" but I'm trying to be better about that and still thank people for one sentence comments.

6. Angstiest Ending?

Oh that's hard. That's really hard. Because that isn't the same thing as saddest ending. Angst is a bit more self centered and a bit less valid. I could answer saddest. But angstiest? I write too much angst to know the answer to that. And I don't know which type of angst is more angst. Right now I'll say "Like flies from your face" (Supernatural) but I don't love that answer.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Oh that's easy. My Smosh phase was the one time in my life I wrote stuff that wasn't even a little depressing. It's either "Follow my Lead" or "Don't you think you would feel better then?" which are both linked above.

8. Do you get hate?

Not on my fic. Got some on tumblr a while ago now, but never on AO3 or directed at my fic.

9. Do you write smut?

Hell yeah! Not a ton because smut is really another kind of action scene and writing actions is the thing I like the least, and also because a lot of my ideas are sexual but the flow would be ruined by in-depth sex scenes, but I have and I will again.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah. No shade to those who do, but that is not how my brain works. I predominantly write fic as a form of literary analysis, which means I don't have a ton of use for fully changing the setting of things these days.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

Not like, completely stolen, but there was that time someone's fic had a very specific idea that mine also had, and they left kudos on my fic so i know they read it, and then when someone asked about it they denied ever having read it. Which, I would have been perfectly fine with all of that and taken it as a compliment if they credited me. It's the not even mentioning me, and then denying they'd even seen it, that I took issue with.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I mean if anyone wanted to I'd let them, but God I'd never ask anyone to do that much work.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

God no. I could never write with someone else. Absolutely not.

14. All time favourite ship?

I'm aro as all hell so the real answer to this is no ship. No ship is the best ship. Write more gen fic I'm begging you. Especially gen fic that isn't about friendship. Write character studies! Write about acquaintances! Write the weird liminal relationships that we don't have words for.

... but anyway if I haaaaave to give a real answer deanjohn.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh my God so many. I'm a 20 WIPs at a time sort of person, which means I'm fully aware a decent chunk will never actually be finished. My real one that got away, at least at the moment, is this guy wrenching death fic I was writing for Smosh, and then life stuff happened so i was not in the emotional state to write a death fic, and then stuff changed so the ending no longer worked. Like, on the one hand it is very good that Smosh *finally* started giving Tommy Bowe his due and in real life I'm very happy about it. On my other, the bittersweet ending where he quit because he realized staying for friendship was bad when he could lose them at any moment and went somewhere that treated him better and had an entire career he never would have had if Spencer didn't die is ruined. And i apparently am incapable of thinking of a new ending, so it is doomed to be a forever WIP I guess.

16. Writing strengths?

I have a very consistent voice and style. Most things written by me take the same tone and shape. I have a good sense of what things come out well when written by me and how to pace and execute them. I have a unique style — you're going to recognize my writing most of the time. I think it's a style that sticks well in people's heads.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Action. Good lord I hate writing any kind of action. And while I write actual dialogue well, I never like any of my dialogue tags or the other prose around it.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

What a weirdly specific question. I honestly can't say I really see it done very often, except in the kinds of porn that I am not reading for the quality of their dialogue. But uh, go for it if you want?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Is it exactly a fandom if there were only 4 of you writing it, all on fanfiction.net in 2018? Well, we count it. I read To Kill a Mockingbird in School, went "haha, I bet weirdos have written fanfic of this," immediately discovered it was in fact a goldmine for hurt and angst, and that was it for me. I've been a fic writer ever since.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Uh... You know what? Honestly? If I really think about it? One of my first ones for To Kill a Mockingbird. I don't think I've had the chance to write a death that good since. I just put it on AO3, since I'm talking about it now. Not Even a Nightmare

Yay tags! Absolutely no pressure to anyone because I know this is extremely long. @ven10 @weirdthoughtsandideas @buncoreclown @idjits-areus @ebenelephant @lumalite @70snasagay @incesthemes

[allhailmeandmy]

I really don't wanna complain , nor am I the type that does, but I'll rant , cuz even I am getting frustrated now

So, under for complaining, I apologise

It's so frustrating that the one thing they get consistent is BP, making different choices to change for the worst

You need how much for Solomon seals to get a card guaranteed? 2400 seals?

How about red keys? Cuz you'll get a gold, just not the card ur pulling for nor the artifact, for example , I've been trying for beelzebubs attacker artifact since it was put on the banner, the card is maxed no artifact, I stopped trying back when red keys were still in pancake store, and the remaining I had left I used on Lucifer, I got 3-4 repeats, non for lucifer nor his artifact, or even the new leviathan card, 3 of those repeats being those for pancake store since most are repeats

The red keys in the pancake store will be the fall of it sooner or later, cuz now there's only exchange for gems, panty game, or buy them. And the issue with these is, for f2p, the only thing you get is panty game, 1 red key per day, so u might get a 10 pull once a month.... how generous

Red gems wise, the exchange is not worth it till u have over 4k gems, and u don't get those often either, I'll try to have a look and keep track of the gems to see how much you get per week

There's event exchange, but those don't even give you a 10 pull so, plus events ( not bp) happen like once per 2 months maybe

So how tf are people supposed to get any?

I play and have played over 10 different gatchas, from every ikemen game, obey me ( both og and nb, both since release), genshin ( star rail for a short bit), wuthering waves, cookierun, pokemon masters, nu carnival, arcana twilight, and probably more that I don't remember, and the ones I stayed for have 1 thing in common, that being events and better ways of earning pulls.

Obey me wise, even if u don't get any new cards you will get a 10 pull from completing the first slide of rewards if you're an active player, if you're lucky with pulls you'll get 20 or more depending on what type of event it is ( 1 is regular events other is gatcha event rewards) , and the store from ravens, you get as much as u get ravens from og obey me, while nb gives u 10 pull from the store per month, not as good, but personally from the pulls u get from the events you don't notice unless you're on a loosing streak , in my personal opinion some might feel different its OK, plus u get flash sales and level up sales for pulls, so many opportunities

Cookierun, as someone who played since sonic collab, I've not had issues for pulls, you get many gems and pulls from events, daily activities like guilds, raids and others, plus they don't really do reruns but new characters , recently they did group reruns for certain cookies, but consistently I had 30k saved up in case of new cookies from daily activities

Can't believe whb is making me talk well of genshin... but even genshin is more generous if ur an active player, u need 160 for a pull, daily activity alone gives 60, but they get events consistently, as a player of over a year I get 6k promo per month, and I kept track for 15 months on traveler's diary, as well as 5 pulls on the monthly store, and as much as u get from masterless startglitter u get from repeats

And nu carnival... from same collab company they had for whb since they're on erolabs, they too have a monthly store for 10, and more events, tho the rates could be better, they at least have some consistency

So what does whb lack? Events, consistency, and store exchange. Not many events and when they're there they last a month, and what u get leaves much to be desired, you don't get much info about when and what till it happens or they have a post a week before about it, store exchange gems wise is really expensive even the new one they added, and other currencies don't give u red keys or give barely any, wow 1 key! So nice!

And then there's the "they're a small company" so? Giving red keys in store doesn't cost them. If anything, it'd make people more likely to buy things, because at least u get something even if you're loosing, so it doesn't feel as that big a loss as it could be. I understand that it'd probably cost em to make more events and make em consistent, so they'd have to write writers, but! But but but! They don't have to make big lore events everytime! They could make shorter more light hearted events! Like.... nu carnival or obey me, mc and nobles and kings having mindless fun, like idk? Beach event, they go to a beach and interact, just a fun little filler while waiting for other things grander things to be in works in the meantime, they don't have to make new cards, or new sprites, they could but they don't have to yk? Just something smaller where u see how characters interact and have fun with u

Pb could also do something like welking or obey me vip, 5 dollar a month for red gems every day for a whole month or anything they'd decide on giving, or the vip where they could give per month perks, like discounts on deals, vip deals, per month gems, early sneak peaks. Yk?

Like I'm comparing, cuz I've been playing all those for so long, I mean 5 years in obey me? Why do u think that is? And I've been supporting pb for a while, I was there for love unholyc since the year it came out, preregistered for dokidoki, preregistered for whb and waited for updates despite the delays, I want them to succeed I want well for pb, for that they need to change for better. The rating on play store is 3 stars for a reason, people are leaving for a reason, people aren't willing to give the game a try for a reason. They need to look at the competitions and compare and see what works and what doesn't, and even the panty game changed for worse ( my opinion as someone who played it every day) but I didn't complain since no one else did so I didn't wanna be a spoil sport for anyone, but they gave more, but once more they decided to change the rate to be lower with gold panties , and gave gold, who tf is low on golf?

Not to mention pies... 60 pies on 1 lvl up skill, and u get the pies on the pancake excha- oh right

That all to say, that's just how I feel personally, you can disagree that's fine, but I complain as a fan, and someone who wants better for the game, I'm still here for a reason, I started to post here for a reason despite never posting my own stuff online, I do love the game, but the devs don't, at least it doesn't feel like they do

Also how u have to buy both bp's for a card is really scummy in my opinion, as someone who considered it for juno card, 40 plus 10 for a card? Y not make it 1 payment not 2? Definitely made me not want it immediately but that's just me ig

Feel free to add on, I'm not trying to start a discourse or an argument, I just want change for better

[sistermclarens]

Did Oscar break his rib at Silverstone 2024?

Tldr: probably not but it's not impossible. The most likely place would be sliding off track in lap 19. Debatably his breathing sounds different specifically in his radios immediately after the checkered flag. If you've got more race and/or medical knowledge than me (a very low bar to clear), those are the places I'd suggest you check first to make your own judgement.

I rewatched all 3 free practices, qualifying, and the race as well as listen to his race radio to see if there were any obvious spots he might have broken a rib, but nothing really came up. Below the cut I've noted the few places where the commentators indicate that he's doing poorly and given my thoughts on what might have been causing him issues, but mostly I think these issues can be put down to the on-and-off rain across the race weekend.

To me, the 11 am time for his ultrasound (thanks to @velvetsainz for pointing out that it's an ultrasound, not an x-ray) doesn't really point to him having broken it during any time during Silverstone weekend. The race was at 3 pm BST and lasted ~2 hrs. Even with the additional time allotted for interviews and the fan stage events, the team could easily get him into an urgent care or ER that night if he needed to be checked immediately. Most of the comments on broken ribs (both here and via googling) seem to indicate that they're super painful, especially when breathing, so I'm not sure why he and the team would ignore it overnight if he was in that kind of pain. It seems more likely that he broke it sometime the morning of the ultrasound (possibly having strained/weakened it during Silverstone to make the break more likely). HOWEVER. I can't cleanly rule out that somehow he broke his rib during Silverstone weekend, was feeling only low-level pain, assumed it would go away with rest, and then Monday morning was still in enough pain (either pain not lessening or pain getting worse) to decide to get checked.

Qualifying round 2: the commentators mention that his car is "a bit twitchy" at the beginning of one of his last flying laps but there's no other indication that they see anything off. Given that it was raining at the end of Q1 (about 10 mins before the comment), it seems a lot more likely that this is because of slick tires on the wet track.

Lap 19: Oscar goes left off the track in the rain and rejoins. Lewis and George had this exact same run off ~2 secs beforehand, so it's unlikely (tho not impossible) that skidding off track here put enough force into his harness to break his rib. (Lando also has this same run off in the next lap.) Normally you're going to be pushed in the opposite direction of a turn by centrifugal force, so turning to the left should really put harness strain on the right side of his ribs. But if the car started hydroplaning at some point in the turn then in theory he could have been jolted to the left at this point. The camera shot is not really close enough for me to tell if I think he really would have been jolted left OR right tho since he kind of ends up cutting the turn into more of a diagonal by going off onto the runoff asphalt. His race engineer doesn't even mention the fact that he went off track in over the radio despite them having a long back and forth this lap about where the track is wettest so it doesn't seem like anyone on pit wall was particularly worried by his skid. File this under unlikely but not impossible I guess.

Lap 29: Oscar slip&slides all over the track and into the pit lane, but again I think this is down to driving on slick tires in the rain. His race engineer warns him over the radio that his front tires are overheating, which I think also helps account for why he loses so much time in this lap. Once he pits for inters he's fine again despite having lost 4 positions.

Lap 52: In his post-flag radio, Oscar does sound maybe out of breath compared to other radios of his I've listened to--he's kind of taking heavy deep breaths in between speaking. But it's such a minor noise that I can't even be sure I'm not imagining it or that it's not part of the car noises 😂 it's not something I heard at any earlier part of his radio so if it is his breathing I'd guess it's just part of the adrenaline comedown post-race.

[quipxotic]

Okay, c3e121 short wrap-up of sorts, although I'm sure I'm going to be unpacking all of the story for a while. Mostly, I liked it and had a good time. I've written a lot about what I've liked as I've gone through the episode, so I'll put my complaints under the cut.

My biggest problem, other than that it was one episode rather than being split up in to two, was how the Morri/Orym deal was handled. I always thought Orym's ask (for the power to keep everyone safe) was beyond Morri's skill set as she was described to us, so the explanation in itself made sense to me as bit of fae trickery. But it was wrapped up too quickly with an offhand bit of roleplay that didn't work for me. It also turned a decision that was emotionally resonant for Orym into a bit of a joke, not to mention making some of the physical effects of Orym's "deal" no longer make sense in retrospect. But also, making those events and powers make sense could be a great kernel for a story. Did Orym manifest those himself? How did that work? Did Morri just grant him Hex and Orym's subconscious supplied the rest? Did some other, greater power intercede and if so who were they and why did they do it? They couldn't have been too great because FCG still died, so there were severe limits to how much power he was granted, wherever it came from.

I'm glad Bell's Hells got the bulk of the episode and I don't really mind the Mighty Nein or Vox Machina bits we got or that we ended with them. This was always only partially Bell's Hells campaign and partially a celebration of 10 years of Critical Role. I don't think that was always the plan and I think a lot of choices, both by Matt and the players in their character creation decisions, contributed to that result or set the groundwork for it. Do I wish Bell's Hells got their own campaign truly focused on them and their issues? Yes, but we're long, LONG past the point when it was clear that was never going to be the case. I spent all my energy being irritated about that about the time Caleb and Beau showed up the first time, I don't have any left to spend being upset about it at this point.

But that's pretty much it for complaints. I don't love or hate the decision about Vax. It's fine and I don't think it undercuts the sacrifices made in Campaign 1. Vox Machina still had 30 years without Vax, that's not an insignificant period of time and the loss still impacted all of them in ways that changed or influenced their characters and choices. Vax is a different person too and, while this period was wrapped up in a nice little bow for them for now, I think there's a lot of ways Vax being back, in even an infrequent capacity, might further impact or complicate their lives. I guess we'll have to see.

[13as07]

Birthright #10

(Itachi Uchiha)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Romazeo]

Requested by: No One

Word Count: 3,404

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Brother/Sister Incest

Father/Daughter Incest

Name Calling: Baby Girl, Daddy, Onii-Chan, Princess

Mentions of Child Abuse

Grinding

Hair Pulling

Hint of Masturbation

Titty Groping

Exhibitionism/Voyeurism (more or less)

———————————————————————

"Baby Girl?" Itachi calls, his voice and the light from the hallway teaming up to invade the darkness of my room.

It's been three days since Daddy's angry spell, and despite the fact he's trying his best to make it up to me - gifts, takeout, overflows of affection, and anything else he can think of - he's still fuming when it comes to my brothers.

Like I suspect, he found out about Sasuke's rushed humping of me so he's not off the hook like he would have been. Also, as I suspected, Daddy had his way with me after and made my brothers watch. That got me a few dozen buckets of apologies from my younger brother and my older brother in an ignorance game with our Father.

Other than the few events that took place, I'm off scotch-free, even though it doesn't feel like it. Daddy ruled that aside from anbu missions and clan matters Itachi isn't to leave the house. Until Sasuke's bruised and cracked face is healed, he's not allowed to leave and even then it'll only be allowed for work and clan matters as well.

He insists I can leave and do whatever I want, whenever I want but it'll have to be with him since my brothers are housebound. Spending alone time, or heaven have it, time with Kenzo and him doesn't sound too appealing recently. It's left me cooped up in the house, only leaving when Itachi has a clan issue to deal with.

Another result of my brothers' recent activities has been a string of new house rules. My bedroom door isn't to be closed unless it's just me in the room, if my brothers are in my room the lights need to be on, and my least favorite, I'm required to sleep in Daddy's bed until further notice. It's not all bad, especially since Mom spends most nights with Sasuke in his room.

For the most part, it's the same as usual being in Daddy's room. Some rubbing, some groping, and his wandering hands. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop though, waiting for him to decide he's over his regret of hurting me and is ready to touch me in ways I've always been told Itachi is only allowed to.

     "Can I come in?" He asks, flicking the light switch on, quickly chasing away the darkness. I ignore him, tugging the pillow in my arms closer to my chest.

     I still ache because of Itachi, both physically and emotionally. My lower body still stings, notably less than the day everything happens, but enough that it's uncomfortable to pee let alone sit. I'm still a bit angry he placed his constant war with Daddy above my safety and well-being too.

You should know by now your Onii-Chan is a sad excuse of a man. He won't ever take care of you.

     Daddy's words have been a broken record in my head, intensified by the lack of distraction being cooped up brings me. They amp up even more anytime Itachi is around.

     "I know you're still upset with me," Onii-Chan's velvet voice trudges on, paired with the soft sound of his footsteps. "But I truly am sorry, Baby Girl. I shouldn't have let Dad get under my skin. I love you. So much, Princess."

     He won't ever take care of you.

     I shrug my shoulder, trying to shake off Itachi's touch. It doesn't go away, but it does fall, toying with the skirt I'm wearing. Dresses and skirts are all I've been wearing. They're flowy and light enough that they don't rub against my wounds as much. My wounds are also the reason I haven't worn anything underneath, it hurts too much.

     Itachi's fingertips slide across my skin, irking my skin with stale pain. "Let's do something fun today, okay? I have a team bonding thing with the anbus, you can go as my plus one."

Sad excuse.

"I know what you're thinking," he starts again, his words interrupted by the familiar sound of a bottle snapping open. "Dad's not going to let me take you anywhere, work-related or not." Onii-Chan squeezes the bottle, the liquid, and sounds of disagreement from the bottle twisting with his words.

     Chilliness stabs into my skin, the aloe gel always being freezing no matter what Itachi does to try and warm it up. His hands coat over my behind, spreading the soothing gel over my wounds like he has been doing, every four hours, the past few days. "But I think if you ask he'll be more willing to cave. He's still pretty worked up about what he did. What I caused." The last three words come out quietly, almost silenced by the sound of my breath alone.

     He won't ever take care of you.

     "Please?" Onii-Chan whispers after a few seconds of silence. His tone strained and as watery as it ever gets. "It hurts me to see you cooped up alone in your room. At least try to ask?"

Your Onii-Chan is a sad excuse of a man.

     I let out a sigh, snapping my eyes closed and focusing on the feeling of Itachi and the gel working together to smooth out my pain. "What's the event?"

"It's a beach trip, cookout event."

"What about the whole secret identity thing?"

"It applies to the general public, not our fellow anbus."

"Oh."

Itachi hums, still massaging my aches even though the gel has successfully been rubbed into my skin. "Are you going to ask?"

"I guess."

                 ————————————

     My eyes trail on my fingertip, watching it twirl the strand of my bikini bottoms. I don't like two pieces, I think it exposes too much but Itachi insisted on it, swearing I looked good, that he likes it on me, and that the dark blue of it compliments my skin tone. I know it does, the shade of blue is specific to our clan because it compliments us so well.

     Even from here, I can feel Itachi's hidden stare, eyes locked on me through the crack of his bedroom door. A shaky breath tumbles out of my lungs, shoving negative thoughts to the front. It's no big deal. It's just a question. I'm just asking Daddy a question. The worst he'll do is say no.

     A round of chuckles on the other side of Daddy's office door rings out, each tone shaking my bones in its unique way. I wait for the laughter to die down before gently clicking my knuckles against the door, praying that the knock was soft enough not to be picked up on. If I'm not heard I don't have to ask and I can frame it as being ignored when I tell Onii-Chan.

     "Come in," Daddy's voice booms, anger already laced in his tone. With Mom running errands, he insisted on holding his meetings here today to 'keep an eye on' Sasuke and Itachi. Said meetings came with crystal clear instructions, do not disturb, and I just disturbed the biggest one.

     Slowly, I turn the knob and push the door open, the creak of it seeming like a scream in the silence coating the room. Between ten and twenty pairs of eyes - not including Daddy's - stare at me, the men all cramped in the small space of the office. My Father's eyes are snapped closed, head tilted down, and his fingers rubbing against his temples.

     "Hey Daddy," I whisper, my arms nervously snaking across my stomach, trying to hide some of my exposed skin. Why did Itach have to insist on the skimpiest of swimsuits? It's probably just a 'fuck you' to our Father, or hopes of showing me off if I manage to get a yes.

     "Princess," Daddy coos, his tone cookie dough sweet as he calls for me. His head is back straight, hands fallen from his face, and a loose smile on his lips. "Daddy told you he had meetings all day and not to interpret. I reminded you before this one, specifically. Deniability of knowledge is powerful, Princess. Itachi and Daddy can't keep you safe if you know too much."

     That's the favorite phrase of the males in my family. Deniability of knowledge is powerful. It's usually used when they're planning to do something illegal or frowned upon by the village. Taking recent events of our lives, they're either planning an attack on the Yamanakas - doubtful seeing how their Chief decided not to charge us for our flower order as an apology - or they're planning on how to catch and what to do with the my assaulter. I'm guessing the latter.

     "I know," I whisper, forcing my arms away from my stomach. I jerk them backward, knotting my fingers together behind my back. My eyes glance around the room, barely registering the slit eyes and almost drooling mouths of Daddy's - soon to be Itachi's - clansmen. My eyes settle on my Father, my head tipped an inch, and a sweet smile crosses my lips as I look at him. "But I have a question."

     "Can it wait until after my meeting?"

     I shake my head no, tilting my head back into place as I take slow steps forward, making sure my fingertips slide against my thigh as I walk. Daddy picks up on the movement, his eyes trialing the soft touch before settling on the slight swing of the strings of my swimsuit bottoms. "Itachi is leaving soon so I need an answer now. I'm sorry."

     "No," he grumbles, his smile gone, and his jaw flexing. His eyes bear into me, deepening when I stop next to his chair. "Itachi is being punished, that includes not being alone with you," Daddy softly hisses, his hand settling on my hip and tugging me closer to himself. He's picked up on the lustful looks of his men, and it's not helping the anger seeping off him.

     I settle my arms around his neck, using it as an anchor as I climb into his lap. It takes a second to find my balance and use it to slide my legs through the chair. Daddy's eyes flicker over me as he adjusts his hands, cupping both my hips now as he ogles over my chest. "We won't be alone. Sasuke will come with and we'll be surrounded by his coworkers. It's just a cookout and some time at the lake."

"I said no," he groans, hands sliding backward before inching up my back. Daddy toys with the knot holding my top in place, twirling it around his fingers.

I tip my head, 'accidentally' bumping my nose against his. "Please?" I whimper, hands sliding down and balling up his shirt. I add another whimper as I shove my hips forward, sliding my pussy against the half-on he's trying to calm down with his slow and steady breathing.

Fire flares in Daddy's eyes, his jaw clenching tighter. "I've been so bored," I keep pushing, setting a steady grind to my hips, just enough to chip away at him but not enough to tip him over the edge of need. "So cooped up. So alone. Besides, meeting the Anbu Core will be good for when I become Chieftess, right? You always say the more people I meet, the more connections I'll have for future uses."

Hisses continue to spill from him, now from his breathing instead of his words. One of Daddy's hands snakes further up my back, locking some of my hair into his fist. His other hand slithers across my skin too, this one looping around my front and under my skimpy top to grip at my chest. My head is tilted backward, not a lot to keep his fistful of titty hidden, but enough that I get a glance at the other hormone-fueled men in the room.

His head moves, lips pressed against my ear as he whispers to me and me alone. "Your useless Onii-Chan has you strolling in here, wearing almost nothing to ask me a question for him, hmm? Is that what's going on? I bet it is." Daddy's touch is as cruel as his words, his fingers gripping me tightly, and his working man's skin rubbing against my perfectly kept, flawlessly soft skin.

My hips jerk against his again, mostly to keep inching him toward giving me what I want, but partly because of the ideas of what Daddy's going to do to me tonight. Just like Itachi, he doesn't take teasing, especially with an audience, well. A soft grumble rattles in his throat, tone still low enough that I can only hear it.

"When are you going to learn that I'm the only man that wants what's best for you? Sasuke just wants to prove he's just as good as his older brother and Itachi just wants to prove to me he's an adult, his own man now. Teasing me and pushing my buttons for the sake of your brothers isn't a good idea, Princess."

I slide a hand between us, making sure Daddy's eyes are locked on it before rubbing my fingertips against the front of my swim bottoms. A deep almost roar of a breath trembles in my ear because of him. "I just want to have some fun before I'm fully Itachi's. He's not going to let me do anything fun like you do, Daddy. Onii-Chan has never treated me as good, has never been as nice as you, and he never will be."

That's a lie. Probably the biggest lie I've ever voiced. Itachi has his faults but he gives me more freedoms than Daddy, even if they do come with extra levels of safety. Plus, the beating and bedroom brutality from my Father is something my brother would never think of, let alone do to me. Daddy is just good at wiggling his words under my skin to the point I believe them.

"Damn it," he exhales, dropping his touch to my bottom rib. Just like that, he's caving in. "Fine," Daddy mutters, his shoulders loosening their tension as he leans back in his chair. The hand in my hair falls away, settling between the arm of the chair and his chin to keep his head upright. "Sasuke and you can join your brother at his work event."

"Thank you, Daddy!" I cheer, jerking forward in his lap again, this time to throw my arms around him and litter his face in kisses, my lipstick staining his cheek in soft red.

     "But," the single words shoots ice up my spine, freezing over any and all flames of joy. "Kenzo will be joining the three of you, just to be sure this isn't one of Itachi's elaborate schemes." Oh, that's not so bad. I thought Daddy was going to ask for something outrageous or demand to use me as another example piece to keep the boys in line.

His arms wrap around me as he goes to stand, keeping me pressed against him until he's on his feet. "Wait here while I go to grab you some money," he murmurs, brushing a kiss to the corner of my mouth before placing me back in his chair. "Kenzo," Daddy snaps as he starts his way out of the room, all the softness gone from his voice.

     Daddy's right-hand man jumps to his feet, quickly leaving the room. With the two gone, the other fifteen or so men are left to stare at me, their eyes curling with every breath that pumps my breasts up and down. "Hello."

     "Lady Uchiha," they all answer, most slightly bowing their heads in respect, a few frozen in their spots.

     Unlike the very distracted Shinobis in the room, I'm aware of Itachi's recent appearance on the other side of the cracked office door. He's standing outside, impatiently waiting for me to slip out because of our Father's departure, his sight steaming as he looks at me.

     "How are you lovely men today?" I ask, leaning across the desk with my arms propped up, making sure to squish and show off my chest that they're so interested in. Murmurs skate across the room, a range of different answers to my question filtering out.

     "Well, it seems you're all doing better than me then," I utter, crawling out of Daddy's chair, and quickly walking around his desk. I can feel the burn of Onii-Chan's eyes following my movements, even with most of the door keeping us apart. A shiver runs through the room as I relax against the edge of the desk, the primarily younger men not able to hide their bodily reactions as well as the few older men dotted in the crowd.

     I might not be as mad at Itachi as I am with Daddy, but I'm still mad at him. As far as I'm concerned, the public caving of his willpower and the boarder lining porno I caused in front of his top soldiers is enough of a get-back at my Father.

As for Onii-Chan, he's not Daddy. He's supposed to be my everything; the love of my life, my husband, my Chief, my protector. He wasn't a single one of those things while I was getting beaten for his mistakes, and I sure as shit am going to make sure he pays for it.

"Onii-Chan hasn't been allowed to play with me recently," I start to explain, keeping my tone soft and airy. Murmurs rattle through the room again, some intoxicated and some stunned. It's not a secret or an uncommon act to have a family dynamic like mine in our clan. It's common and encouraged even, but that doesn't mean it's spoken about as openly as this. "And Daddy has been so busy with you guys today so he hasn't been able to play with me either."

It feels like even the walls of the room are holding their breath, everyone watching as my hands inch backward, looping around the strings of my top. "Why won't anyone play with me? Maybe one of you could. Who wants to play with me?" I tug on the tightly done bow, courtesy of Onii-Chan, as the question spills out.

"That's enough," Itachi booms, his voice loud enough that I'm surprised it doesn't disturb the dust in the room. Before I know it, his body is pressed against mine, keeping the flimsy material of my top sandwiched between us. Slim and chilled fingers grip at my throat, squeezing hard enough to promise bruises.

His eyes burn into me, heating up my cheeks as he looks down his nose at me, royally unamused. "Are you done?" He whispers, his words sliding around my neck, as easily choking my voice as his fingers. "Or should I expect more antics at my work event?"

"I don't know. Maybe if you used the head on your shoulders instead of the one in your pants you'd know the answer."

A soft chuckle shakes Itachi's chest, his warm breath coating my face in a minty scent. "You get your behind beat once by Dad and all of a sudden you think you're Miss Bad-Ass."

"Or maybe I just realized Daddy was right, you can't care of me like he can."

The fake humor melts from my brother's face, his grip tightening around my throat as ice freezes over the flames that were brewing in his eyes. As soon as the moment starts, it stops, Itachi's eyes pull away from me and his touch dropping from my throat. "Fix your top, Imouto-Chan."

I flinch at the name, the hurt from a few days ago washing over me again. "Okay."

He nods at my obedience, staying next to me long enough for me to tie my swimsuit back into place. As soon as the strings are secured, he's out the door, sliding past Daddy and Kenzo returning to the room.

"Here you go, Princess," Daddy utters, his focus on pulling out some paper money from his wallet. I barely register his words, my focus on the empty spot Itachi left in the room and the lingering coldness of his voice.

Maybe I was a little too mean, but that's his fault, not mine. My brother has spent his life being prepped and groomed to take over his birthrights, me being one of them. Maybe he should have paid closer attention to the lessons he was given.

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[zenonaa]

idk if anyone has noticed the number of tofu fics (or fics in general) that i write/post has gone down in the past few years, but i want to kind of talk about that. i love togafuka. i love writing. my love for them has not diminished.

in early 2022, my mother was hospitalised and soon diagnosed with cancer. she came to live with me for the next 5-6 months during her chemo treatment and such. as well as helping look after her (and seeing her ups and downs) i was working a full-time job and looking after my younger brother a lot who is autistic and epileptic (the latter was diagnosed this year). my father worked and helped how he could, my sister helped my mum a lot but my sister and younger brother were in their early twenties at the time so i felt like a lot of the responsibility fell on me.

i appreciate the time i spent with my mother in that time, i would not change that, but it was very traumatic for me. my relationship with her wasn't always the best growing up, and i think she had mental issues that she refused to get help for that caused a lot of it (and i was a troubled kid too, well-behaved but depressed/socially anxious. also prob have autism). everyday i would see my mother get stronger, or weaker. i remember one night, my brother woke up crying (mum was in my bed, i was downstairs on a sofa bed and bro was on a beanbag bed) saying he was scared she'd never get better. i had to comfort him and support him a lot, all the while trying to be optimistic and keep myself together.

she was meant to have surgery to try to remove the cancer in october 2022, but it was cancelled due to her thyroid. in early december 2022, she went to have fluids drained and i went too. a nurse told her in front of me how they wouldn't resuscitate her which wasn't... great. anyway, she had to be moved to the hospital because she wasn't draining, and a bit before christmas, she told us that she was terminal. on my last visit to her (23rd), i forced myself not to cry and as i left, i said i loved her and i'd see her on xmas.

on xmas day, she passed away. the hospital had lost our phone number, so we found out when a friend who had been with her phoned us. can't describe how surreal that day was. she was supposed to come home after the hospital stay. she told me to make her bed at home. we were going to visit her on xmas. she was going to have chemo again in january. who's going to eat all her favourite foods in my fridge? what do i do with this walking stick? her clothes? her medications? how could i have saved her? why didn't i realise she was sick and get her checked out earlier? why couldn't i have been a better daughter? why must the radio sing christmas songs about this being the most wonderful time of the year, why must people get excited for this one day when my mother died? then i had to help with the funeral, choosing her flowers, choosing what she was going to wear when she was cremated. she won't see me get married (assuming i do) or her first grandchild. it's... a lot to process.

i've had other life events happen after this. i broke up with my ex after 7 years. i was ousted from my job and got a new one. i've resumed driving lessons, even managed to get the same instructor my mother found me 10 years ago when i first tried driving and stopped. so yeah. busy.

also i have been working on a novel. my mother when she was still alive was my biggest fan, she would sit with me and we'd go through editing together. my novel has changed a lot since she was alive, as my writing has improved etc. i've recently been considering self-publishing it. which is daunting because i have the charisma of a potato but i believe in this novel and most importantly my mother believed in it, even in its early stages. but that costs money - i should be getting a pay rise from work soon, but i might open writing commissions again to help fund this as it's not cheap lmao.

soooo my fic writing has gone down because i'm usually exhausted, busy with work and irl stuff, and still recovering mentally from life events. i still need to write my last tofu week fic, which will either be a mastermind au or little sequel story to elusive/mermaid au.

i don't really talk about my personal life here, but even if no one reads this, it was therapeutic to write at least haha.